#dont worry im already asking myself if im just making all this shit up myself

[rxttenfish]

Asking because I’m extremely curious about this, how did MonProm’s writing get different over time? I remember you saying that the lore and characters feel different, and that it's missing sincere character interactions, too. I know almost nothing about the lore and I’ve only seen a few people mention the characters, so I’d be interested in a rundown of what aspects you think got worse in the series

I wouldn’t mind a very long response since I’m not that active in the fandom, I need to catch up on what happened

sorry for taking so long to answer this! i kinda waffled on it for a long bit, mainly because i started doubting myself again, and whether or not this was me simply overreacting or being tinted by nostalgia or simply being extremely picky and choosy in what i like (the last of which is true, i seldom get into fandoms at all for this reason and stay away from most popular media, but i wasn't sure if it applied here). i've posted about it already, but i'm in the middle of a psychotic episode where i can't feel a lot of pleasure to begin with + most things i do experience ending up solidly in the "very bad" category, so as you can imagine, i really didn't want to mislead and check that i was actually in objective reality.

as it is, this is also when a lot more screenshots started to be posted in the monster prom tag, and that helped me bridge the gap back into returning to the games themselves and feel like i was making a more accurate judgement. if you're one of those people who have been posting screenshots, i sincerely thank you, and i appreciated seeing you in the tag greatly.

for those not in the know — i've been in the monster prom fandom since it first released, prior to even the first additional ending to be added (the "Punch the sun" ending, and i recall the minor fandom drama that happened at that time due to it). my impression of monster prom is very much influenced by this, as what got me into the first game was the fact that the characters genuinely seemed to care for each other and were friends with each other (not merely tolerating each other's presences nor dressing it up, they sincerely thought of each other as friends and were open about that fact), on top of the wide variety of small details and statements that, if taken at face value, could create compounding complexity in the lives of each and every character and had wider implications for their lives.

no, they were not necessarily explored nor even necessarily "real", with so many conflicting events and statements, but i liked this too, because it meant a wider flexibility in what you could imagine, helping to create a more tailored experience for everyone who thought about these characters. this was what i liked about the early fandom too. what was baseline "canon" was so vague and minimal that you could have wildly different interpretations of the same characters' histories and relationships with each other. you would have radically different perspectives on what the world itself looked like, what it was like, that there wasn't really any wrong answers so long as their personalities remained the same. this is where you got the old headcanon of polly and liam being childhood friends who knew each other as humans, or that the world of monster prom was post-apocalypse where humanity itself had gone extinct or only existed in tiny pockets, or my personal headcanon that both monster and human society existed right next to each other and had minimal crossover for petty cultural reasons. this was also prior zoe-as-ro, and there were wildly different interpretations of zoe's personality, with most going for a far more disquieting creepy-cute than the deep nerd we got.

this is why you get stuff like the timeloop theory, where everyone is repeating the same weeks leading up to prom over and over, and are perhaps vaguely aware of it but broadly unconcerned. this is also why it felt like the joke that, the characters were still in high school but were all fully legal adults with most in their 20's, best landed, because it was absurd and strange and didn't quite make sense, but the world itself was inherently absurd and semi-malleable to begin with. realistically, i felt like everyone understood it was making fun of the trope of having adults play teenagers in american sitcoms and wildly casting outside the age range, but for more in-universe explanations it wasn't any different from the way that you would have a large, dramatic ending in which everything changed, but then you'd restart and everyone would be right back at the beginning with nothing different, or even having conflicting events in the same run. it was a dream-logic that fit with the tropes and, thus, diagetically made sense.

to be clear, i don't mind canon having a set, well, canon on which it refers back to itself. i don't mind expanding that or including more things which are set in stone. but there was a perceivable shift in how the games handled this over time, becoming a lot more... bitter, it felt, towards all of these different branching ideas and concepts that, yeah, the people making them knew wouldn't necessarily be "canon" because "canon" already liked to contradict itself so much. most people weren't even sold on any one idea, and there was a much greater sense of enjoying and appreciating all the varying ideas people would come up with even if you personally didn't share them. making the characters be out of character was the real crime, because then it didn't diagetically make sense in the same way, didn't wholly fit.

(again, this is not to say fanon didn't happen and characters weren't smoothed down into a simplified personality that fit these varying fan-interpretations instead of the game itself. certainly damien love/lust was just as bad as it had ever been, and everyone loved to mangle his character into a more stereotypical "bad boy with a heart of hold" all the time. but it certainly felt less set-in-stone about it than it does now, with any deviation from the norm being considered strange and odd and even broadly shunned from the wider fandom.)

all of this is setup for establishing what the writing, lore, and characters felt like in the earlier days. the characters were the strongest part, with their relationships to each other being equally as important. the lore played it fast and loose and was far less interested in setting anything in concrete because that wasn't the important part. the lore wasn't the important part, which was what made it all the more intoxicating to think about, all the more fun to play with.

montrip is easily the biggest offender when it comes to setting everything in all-or-nothing terms and demanding absolutism from the world. broadly i blame the hitchhiker conversations for the worst of it, but i think ultimately the way they handled the entire premise of the game is where this problem stems from. it's not really an exploration in the same sense that you might explore the first game, discovering different perspectives and different people with different relationships to each other. it's an exploration in the sense of a sequel that over-explains the monster, that takes the most boring option out of all those that were possible and floating around and settles on something that was blatant, obvious, typically rejected not because of how novel it is but how trite and par for the course it is in the rest of the genre.

yeah, okay. humans know nothing about monsters and there's a "monster dimension" that exists separately from the human dimension. there's no crossover between the two of them. of course there's a big grand-scale fight between the eldritch powers that zoe used to be a part of, from which not only are slayers the main organization against them, but also the merkingdom has some horse in this race too. it's an urge to make things so universal in explaining them, in revealing connecting threads which unite everything that's ever happened in here, that makes the worldbuilding and lore immediately much more boring than it ever was before.

and it didn't have to be this way! nothing in the first game contradicts any of this too explicitly (see the above, the first game loves to contradict itself), and i would even be happy if this was basically canon but never stated or confirmed to be the big overarching everything going on underneath it all. i believe you should probably know these things about any world that you create and have them in the back of your mind. the difference is that you can know these things and keep them in mind, even focusing on things where its very relevant, and still not reveal them. this is why you have lore bibles, after all. every horror writer knows exactly how their monster works and the full underlying reason for everything that happens, but that doesn't mean the audience will see it or possess this same information too, and leaving it intentionally obscure will make far better stories.

which, this is bad enough, but it wouldn't be the breaking point for me if this was all there was.

but the worst thing of all has to be the slow decay of the very same characters that sold me on this world, this lore, this game in the first place. monster prom is nothing without the characters in it. it's a dating sim, it has nothing but characters to get you to play, and liking these characters are the entire reason anyone would pick up monster prom in the first place.

and the first game pulls this off extremely well. it's all in the tagline: be your worst self. they are, indeed, all terrible people. yes, even that character that you just thought of right now. they all have points in the game where they commit atrocities, where they kill or hurt people, where they do inexcusable things that could not be ignored in a more serious setting.

but that's the point. i think there's something very powerful in creating a character who not only do you love and love their personality and the way they interact with the world, but who also are inapologetically terrible, and to have the humor and the charisma be so good that you don't get bogged down in the "this is awful". likewise, it never feels the urge to really go out of its way to justify what's going on. this is not to say theres no discussion of if someone "deserved it", but usually there's still the sense that the joke is on them, that this is still an extreme reaction specifically for comedy and not necessarily something that can be justified. you can have damien set leonard on fire and have it feel earned, without prompting the needed reaction of what it's actually like to watch someone burn to death.

this is what sets the prank masterz ending apart from the rest of the game, and really establishes it as the first real "bad ending". because nothing that you do or happens in the prank masterz ending is any different from anything else that happens in any other run. you summon evil beings from other dimensions as a throwaway gag on how visiting one location raises your stats. you kill other people and damn them to terrible fates. you watch as body horror happens. the only difference is that, in the prank masterz ending, the laugh track doesn't play.

the rest of the game and the writing echoes this philosophy, this careful interplay of tropes that keeps everything tongue in cheek and yet sincere enough to make sure emotional beats still land when they're needed. the characters feel true to themselves and their own emotions, even when the world is extreme and excessive, when everything else runs on comedy logic.

this is also what i noticed failing first as time went on.

like i said, fanon has always existed and there's always been very specific ideas as to what characters are like in the same way fanon always flattens down characters into the same tropes over and over. scott is stupid and innocent and doesn't know what sex is. damien is violent and hot and too cool for anyone else. miranda is the idiot girl character. repeat over and over and over until you get sick of it.

but it's been an issue as time has crept on that canon has started to approach fanon and began to merge with it. now, scott is so innocent that he can't even curse. polly starts being mean to her friends and saying things that would be very hurtful to hear. the merkingdom isn't really super evil and fucked up, it's just miranda that's like that. they become simpler, easier to digest, streamlined for social media posts and mass-sharing. they become less and less subversions of existing tropes and moreso just another example of them, something else to add to the collection, not their own individual stories.

even further from this, what more complex traits they had are now stated and not shown. polly is stated to be smart and clever in a way that her party girl persona doesn't imply and to be sincerely rather down to earth with the people she cares about, but we seldom ever see this anymore unless its the game specifically trying to make a point about it, in which case it won't let her do anything that implies cleverness and moreso will just outline it in the narration. vera is stated to care for people in a very genuine and heartfelt way, but seldom will get a chance to do so, and every opportunity for her to do so to their faces is missed while she will just outright state it later. it does not feel consistent, it does not feel like any of these are intended reads of their actions. it feels like the devs have something they want to do but no idea on how to actually do so. and forget it if you want these traits to manifest in small ways that show up in unrelated moments and scenes.

the dialogue becomes harder and harder to tell between each speaker, if you are just looking at what's said and not at the pictures attached to it. the characters' distinct voices have been eroded away, so that they speak more and more like each other, relaying the same terms and ideas in the same words. perspective becomes a suggestion, instead of a must.

this is something that started back in monster camp too, as all of the endings in that game felt ultimately the same as every other ending. it's very hard to place or define the full reason why, why there feels like there's no emotional stakes nor investment, why everything feels moreso like selecting different coats of paint and trying to find all the different ending pictures rather than being interested in exploring the characters as characters.

stranger yet, the series that started with the tagline of "be your worst self" has experienced a kind of... softening, for lack of a better word? what i mentioned about being able to handle the balance between terrible people who do terrible things and the light tone of the game starts to change, as abruptly the same characters who were down with violent murder in the first game start to lose their nerve, acting more and more on more typical morality. it's one of those things that feels like it's starting to damage the tone, as abruptly it's not as absurd as it used to be, demands less suspension of disbelief which could buffer and support the rest of the setting on it. there's even a part in one of the endings in montrip which involves current-polly and current-scott looking back on their monprom selves and reacting in horror at how violent and careless their pranks are, in a way that fundamentally felt like it was undercutting and disparaging all the things that felt fun and made monprom what it was.

which is odd, really, because more and more i feel like the characters in these games like each other less and less. the friendships and genuine enjoyment of each others company that brought me to this game in the first place has gone. now they don't mention each other as much, don't care for each other's feelings and reactions as much, aren't as willing to support each other. they are more and more found on their own, relied on their own, seem to seek out contact and interaction with their own friends less and less. it feels like they're all separating out into their own worlds, but also feels like they wouldn't willingly want to interact with each other if they weren't already forced together by some other outside contrivance.

if anything, i'd compare it to every other dating sim out there, where you, the player, are the most important person in these characters' lives, and they only feel ambivalent or antagonistic towards every other character. which, again, is not why i picked up monster prom or why i liked it so much in the first place.

and it's because of this that it feels like the current state of the series has to focus on its increasingly weak worldbuilding and lore, trying to form a more serious foundation without character relationships being so tightly bound together, without the characters themselves being more developed and rich, without an aspect of absurd humor to rely on.

more and more i've noticed monprom has to rely on referencing other series to make itself funny and create humor, which, again, it's always done. it was just easier to ignore back then, if you didn't know what was being referenced, because there was always more going on in the exact same scene to bolster it and give context clues as to the setup and punchline at play. it feels like the current games are much more dependent on you knowing pop culture references in order to have any fun with it, and i'm someone who, again, is very picky in what i like or what i'll seek out. i'm not interested in a stream of references about other things that i would much rather be doing than playing through a game that feels like it hates that i like it at all, when i could, again, just be engaging with the thing that takes itself seriously and knows what it wants.

[smolsaltypan]

.

[tangerinesilk]

－ I CAN SEE YOU : TANGERINE X FEM!READER

tangerine is going on a solo mission… well, at least he thinks he is. with lemon missing by his side, he’s left with one other option that is supposed to make his job easier. unfortunately for him, you’re not the easiest to work with. stubborn, strong-minded and feisty. you’re both so alike yet nothing has made your bloods boil more than each other. 

rating ✷ r (18+ minors dni!)

warnings ✷ (very quick) smut: fem receiving, kisses all over bodies, a needy but quick hj, p in v, dirty talk, praising, implied rough (consensual) sex / others: cursing, drinking alcohol, mention and use of guns and violence, male hurting female (?) but not between main characters, mentions of blood and wounds.

tropes ✷ enemies to lovers!!!, person a is all talk no bite + person b knows that but still pushes them, playful banter, hiding together in small spaces, fake dating (?), if one is hurt– the other goes a bit crazy, says ‘i dont care’ then cares 5 seconds later. 

word count ✷ 6k!

songs that fit the vibe ✷ i can see you - taylor swift | moth to a flame - swedish house mafia + the weeknd | king of my heart - taylor swift | attention - charlie puth | nonsense - sabrina carpenter

a/n ✷ so i made a poll a months ago and this trope + pairing won! i’ve honestly been wanting to write a dave lizewski one as well and got a request idea. so.. we will see lmao. i will probably post then maybe edit later if there's still things i don't like... also, if you couldn't tell but im kind of a swiftie so i will love to write fics inspired by whole ass albums y'all.

but i hope this is what u guys expected and wanted. i actually do love writing for tangerine. just gives into my delulu thoughts. also, if you guys would like a plain pwp fic and not all of this fluff and dialogue stuffed inside, pls let me know bc i am definitely into that idea. 🫡

“You had to go and get yourself shot… then you wonder why you have to wear a bulletproof vest. Fuckin’ hell.” 

Tangerine kept his voice at a hushed tone, basically talking under his breath as he strutted through the grand hall of the hotel. Golden light glossed over his figure, passing by couples who were at standing tables with their cocktails.

“Well, Thomas said-”

“Thomas didn’t say shit. Don’t get me fuckin’ started now.”

Lemon already knew Tan was in a bad mood. Another Thomas the Tank Engine factoid wasn’t a playful move right now.

“Hey, mate. Don’t get all fussy wit’ me. You’re just mad about your new partner for the night.” Lemon rolled his eyes.

“Can’t believe I can’t be held accountable of myself. I can handle it on my own but you had to call the fuckin’ princess-” 

“She’s good. Your denial is obnoxious, bruv. It’s only a night, you get in and get out.” Lemon replied, holding his wounded side as he laid in his bed back in England, “What happened between you two that you’ve got beef like this?”

“No time to explain nor do I have the patience.” He arrived at the small bar to the side of the room, “If I leave her behind, can I take half the pay that’s supposed to be hers?” Tangerine asked.

“She’s supposed to be wearing a red dress. You’ll see her there… and please don’t cause a scene.” His brother begged.

“No promises.” He replied before hanging up. 

Tangerine blows a sigh past his lips, quickly asking for his drink of choice before scanning the mass of people around him. His blue eyes could only search so fast for the man that the hit was called on, causing him an instant frustration when he’s already worried about you ruining things regardless of how long you’re together.

“He’s next to the woman in the tacky gold ballgown… about two feet away from the ice sculpture.” Your soft voice suddenly spoke next to him, “But, I didn’t need to tell you that, right?”

The smirk on your face burned at his nerves and you noticed the clench in his jaw.

“Well, if it isn’t the fuckin’ Queen herself.” He said in a stern tone, “What? Germany was too borin’ for ya? Had to figure out a way to ruin someone’s operation?”

“Lemon is the one who called me in, and it isn’t about you. It’s about the pay out… you’re bound to screw something up with your ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ tactic.” You trailed, rolling your eyes as you turned your head away.

“And I’m certainly not afraid to use that tonight and not your fucked up, painfully long mind games like some fuckin’ psycho thilling killer.” He spat as his drink was place in front of him.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “Fuck you.”

“Darling, I’m flattered, but we have more important things to do right now.” He lowly groaned, purposefully looking at his target so his back was facing toward you.

Behind his tall stature, you glimpsed past his shoulder and saw your target chatting up a woman. 

He won’t be smiling for long, you thought.

“Alright, I’ll wait for him to slip away, follow him and you go through the kitchen.” Tangerine said under his breath, keeping quiet for only you to hear him.

“To go where?” You ask, walking around him to stand face to face.

“Erm…” He sighed, “Whatever car or vehicle you got here in, drive yourself back to whatever place you’re staying and I’ll figure out how to wire you the money.” He shrugged, downing the rest of his drink.

He took a step but you placed your hand on the center of his chest, “Not so fast. I’m not going down if you make a mess of this.”

“I don’t make messes. Well, actually, I get away with them once I’ve done ‘em so, I don’t need to worry about a liability.” Tangerine smirked, a bit of a tilt to his head. Cheeky bastard.

“The only liability here is the one who is ready to pull the trigger in his back.” You said before huffing, “I’m not sorry for what happened in Paris, but that was my choice. So, I’m going with you because it’s our operation. You know… I don’t need a fucking helping hand either.” You practically growled.

The two of you held a long gaze, creating a tense eye contact before he sighed, “Didn’t even say anythin’ about Paris, but if you’d like to assume I’m still mad ‘bout that, be my guest, princess.”

His shoulder bumped yours, making you clench your jaw before quickly following behind his tall stature. While he seemed persistent, you grabbed his hand which made him stop in his tracks in the middle of the dance floor.

He turned, “Am I your babysitter?”

“No, you’re my date. Hold my hand, you idiot.” Your eyes pierced through his.

As he looked down at your hand, he slowly grasped it, your fingers intertwining with one another’s before he proceeded through the glamorous crowd.

Couples swayed and waltzed between each step you took, assuming you were unnoticed by your target. Tangerine kept his eyes on him, easy to with the frosty-white full head of hair he had slicked back. The woman in the tacky dress ran her hand down his shoulder, pressing her lips to his ear to whisper something which made you and Tangerine veer to the side at a standing table.

“Are they movin’?” He asked, facing his back toward them.

Your eyes smoothly shift, taking a quick glance at the assumed couple. You ran your hand down Tangerine’s arm, accidentally feeling how toned his bicep was through the thick fabric of his suit jacket. You almost glanced down, wanting to give another squeeze before clearing your throat. A heat rose on your cheeks as you turned your head to face away from him.

“Y-Yeah, near the bathroom. There’s also a backdoor that leads up to the second floor… lots of private rooms for reasons that are obvious.” You said in a hushed tone, moving away from him to the other side of the table.

“Alright, since you wanna tag along, I’ll follow them and you cover the door.” Tangerine suggested once again.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “You do understand what teamwork is, yes?”

He chuckled, “Yes, I go up there, shoot a few rounds, then we make a getaway.”

“Will you just trust me?”

“Your trust means nothing… I need to know you’re not going to fuck anything up. Just like in Paris.”

You smirked, “So you do have that against me.”

“Well, it’s not like it was your best. Leave me with a shot in the arm, Lemon on the ground and you, little miss greed, get away with your cash. If we all did this job for money, we wouldn’t be riskin’ our lives just runnin’ around killin’ or resucin’ people just for someone’s dime. You obviously do though.”

You narrowed your eyes, “You don’t know me…”

“Nor do you know me so…” He huffed, “Let’s just do what we have to do.”

There was tension between you, as if there was more fo a protective instinct than hate toward one another. You couldn't figure out Tangerine’s deal. Why was he so hostile toward you? Yes, what happened in Paris was fucked up, but he wasn’t the type to hold a grudge. He didn’t take shit from anyone, so why were you getting under his skin?

“Shit!” He grunted under his breath, seeing your target disappear into the hall.

The two of you hurry, yet still try to act casual to not raise eyebrows, and exit into the same hallway. As you push open the door, you hear the two talking in the stairwell before another door closes.

“You got your gun on you?” He asked as his hand slid into the back of his pants.

“Of course.” You scoffed, tearing up the slit in your dress. He saw the small pistol strapped to your thigh, making his mouth a bit dry.

He nodded, “Good…” 

Taking a quick breath, Tangerine opened the door. You slipped through and he followed behind, your backs facing one another as you scanned the hallway. It wasn’t narrow but if anyone slipped out of one of the rooms, they were right in your sights.

“I’ll take this one, you take that one.” He whispered, pointing his gun to the opposite door of his.

With your heart in your throat, you slowly crack the door open and don’t see anyone before a body flies from behind and slammed the door open from Tangerine’s side. The woman lied dead on the floor, blood all over his dress, and just as you turned around, a punch slid across your cheek. 

Instinctively, you ducked to dodge the second jab and swoop under to get on the other side of the man as Tangerine wrapped his arms around the guy to pull him to the ground.

Tan loudly grunted as he tried to gain control, basically attempting to straddle him in order to push his arm against his neck. Even with all his strength, the man gripped his hands around Tangerine’s arms to throw him off along with trying to push his knee between his crotch.

“Watch the door!” Tan directed to you. 

You nodded, catching your breath with your back against the wall by the door. The adrenaline ran through your veins and heard your heartbeat in your ears as one tear of blood dripped down your cheek. The crack of bones made you turn your head, seeing the man’s body go limp as Tan began to stand over him.

He quickly walked over the man, as if he was in the way, and comes to your side.

“He nicked you bad. Lemme see.” Tan said, your eyes meeting his as he held your cheek. The touch of his hand seemed to be some comfort, his thumb wiping the blood away and trying to see how bad the wound was.

“Bastard.” He muttered, “C’mon, let’s go before someone comes up.”

Without a word in, he grabbed your hand and dragged you behind his lead. You two headed for the exit door down the other side of the hall as you heard footsteps rumble from the other stairs you came up.

“Wait a minute.” Tan said, fiddling with his belt buckle.

Your eyes widen, “What on earth are you doing?”

He smirked, “Relax, darling. You flatter yourself too much.”

You rolled your eyes as the sound of his belt slid against the fabric of his belt loops before curling the leather strap around the door to keep it locked. The two of you fled down the stairs and suddenly found yourselves in the kitchen area. A few eyes followed as you both ran through, very obvious that you were running from something, but still aimed to get to some kind of exit.

With sudden luck, Tangerine saw his car across the street, instantly knowing which way he was supposed to go. Without skipping a beat, he grabbed your hand once more and the two of you ran across the street. Hopping into the passenger seat and Tan taking off was like a blur, just happening in seconds.

“Y/N?” Tan saying your name woke you from your trance.

“Huh?” You asked, shaking your head.

He quickly turned his head, “You alright?” He said with concern, one hand on the steering wheel and his foot easing off the gas.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay. I don’t know what happened back there.” You trailed, a bit embarrassed. You were never one to let your guard down, well– enough to get hit right smack in the face.

“Are you sure?”

You turned your attention to him, “I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” You asked rhetorically.

“‘Cause of that big cut on your cheek.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Alright, what’s your big plan now, Einstein? Were just going to sleep in your car and hope we don’t wake up decapitated?”

He half-chuckled, “You truly think so little of me, don’t you?”

“Is that rhetorical?”

Tan rolled his blue eyes, “We’re goin’ somewhere safe.”

– – –

You wanted to believe you were strolling into some kind of trap. The lobby had a classic aesthetic to it, pale gold wallpaper and a wall of keys behind the person at the small front desk. You two placed your go-bags on the red carpeted ground as Tangerine checked into a room.

“Hello Mr. Tangerine.”

Oh, great. He’s some guest of honor here.

“‘Ello, Colin. My usual room.”

“Is that what you say in front of all the girls?” You tilted your head, standing behind him.

He rolled his eyes, “‘Cuse her.”

The man chuckled, crinkles by his eyes, “How many nights are you staying this time?”

This time. You could scoff out loud but you didn’t want to hear the tude from him.

“Just overnight. Nothin’ too serious.”

“Well, enjoy your stay, as always.” The man nodded before Tangerine thanked him.

The two of you head toward the old elevator, watching him quickly press the up button before you stand by his side. You half chuckled, “I’ve never seen you act so kindly toward anyone, tell me, does he see you bring girls through here all the time or-”

“Has anyone ever told you to shut your pie hole?”

“Hmm, not verbally. But, those eyes of your say enough for me… you’re too predictable, sometimes, Tan.”

He gave you a lingering look as the door opened, passing him into the elevator. The two of you make your way to the fifth floor and the hall is eerily quite for a hotel full of private contractors and assassins. You had your hands behind your back then patiently waited for Tangerine to jiggle the key into the lock, opening a door to a huge room with a surprisingly wide view.

“You’d think the curtains were closed.” You muttered as he walked over, closing them anyways.

Suddenly, he stripped from his suit jacket and you couldn’t help but see how tight his button up was around his biceps and chest.

“Did you get that a size too small?” You ask as you chunk your heels into the corner.

“Well, I certainly can’t kill fuckin’ bloaks wearing baggy clothes now.”

“But, you can in a three piece suit?” You cocked your eyebrow.

He licked his lips, “As if your dress is a flexible material.” Tangerine said as he pulled his rings off, placing them on the night stand.

“I can say the same for your pants.”

Tangerine wanted to look down but didn’t give into your comment. You place your bag down on the bed, grabbing your silk pajamas nearly folded on top and changed in the bathroom.

“God, just go to bed. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.” You somewhat groaned.

You sit on the top of the bed, unfolding the duvet before shoving it off to get underneath them.

Tangerine paused, “What the fuck do you you’re doin’?”

You furrowed your eyebrow, “This thing called going to sleep. Try it sometime, you’d be less grouchy.”

He rolled his eyes, “I know that, smartass, I mean what’re you doin’ in the bed that I’m goin’ to be sleepin’ in too?”

You rolled over, putting your weight on your elbows, “I know you’re dramatic but this takes the cake for top performances.”

He faked a laugh, “If you don’t get your ass out of that bed in two seconds, I’ll throw you in the tub with a pillow.”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to. Fine, do it.” You said before laying flat into the mattress, staring straight at the ceiling.

He didn’t care for your equal amount of sarcasm, but he just gave you a cocked eyebrow.

“Okay, fine. I’d rather sleep on the floor anyways.” He said, stretching his arms up and behind his head. Your eyes quickly admired his muscles before turning back.

“Be my guest, princess.” You scoffed, slipping on your pajama shorts, “I’ll enjoy my big comfy bed.”

You pulled the heavy duvet over your waist, curling up with the dense pillow beneath your head. 

Tangerine stood there, biting the inside of his cheek as he watched you roll on your side. He tilted his head back before unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it on the desk chair. Although your eyes were closed, his side of the bed sunk in and you tried to hold back your smile at his faded stubbornness.

With your backs facing one another, you two just listened to the silence of the city. It gave you a moment to think of Paris– the last time you were with one another or much rather supposed to be against each other. You were a double agent, not exactly proud of it but you let greed take over your motivated justice. 

Having to scam Lemon and Tangerine wasn’t your finest hour either, you thought about it for months and finally coming face to face with Tangerine (out of the two, he wasn’t the one you would want to bump into again), all the guilt came rushing back like the snap of an elastic band.

– – –

The morning sun runs through the thin silk of the curtains, shining over your bodies in the bed. You wake up to the sound of light snoring, happy that you could sleep through it, and Tangerine in a deep slumber with his arm over the bed. He suddenly looked like innocence, so soft and tender, simply laying there like it was any other day.

You sit up, putting your hair out of your face then head to the bathroom. When you turn the light on, you’re almost surprised to see your reflection. Forgetting about the scar against your cheek, you look more rough around the edges. You sigh as you run your fingers over it, remembering the way Tangerine did last night.

After washing up, you go back out and Tangerine is now standing up and stretching his arms above his head. Your eyes quickly shift up his body, admiring the tattoos in their random places and how the band of his briefs rest on his hips. You sealed your lips from smiling at how sharp his v-line was accompanied by the happy trail disappearing into his pants.

“Sleep good with that stick in your ass?” You retort, passing him.

He rolled his eyes, “...You’re annoying, ya know that?”

“Oh, you’ve made that clear.” You mocked him as you closed the curtains more, “That’s why I love to do it.”

Tangerine flicked on the lamp, giving the room a warm glow.

“Alright, I say we lay low today. Better to be out of sight and–”

You cut him off, “Stuck in this room together?... are you trying to kill me t–”

He then put his hand over your mouth, looking deep into your eyes, “Yes, stuck in this room where we can keep an eye on each other and you can’t screw me over again.”

Your heart stopped for a split second, as if he couldn’t have been more of the controlling one. He took his hand away and you gulped, “Yep. Fine. Fair.”

Tangerine pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek before you go to your bag in the chair that’s pushed in the corner of the room. You slightly bend over to look inside your duffle and his icy eyes can’t help but look up the back of your thighs and straight at your ass and lower back. How he could easily put his hands on your hips and make you hold onto something.

He shook his head, feeling like he was coming down with something to even imagine that thought.

You pulled out an old novel and sat yourself back on the bed, hoping that the hours would pass as you sank further into the broken-in mattress.

Tangerine sat down in the chair nudged into the corner, adjacent from your view, and he pulled out his gun that was conveniently tucked into the back of his pants.

“Are you actually holding me hostage?” You furrowed your brows, but didn’t take your eyes from your sentence.

“Whatever fantasy you’d like you believe.” He trailed, opening his gun and emptying his rounds into his palm.

– – –

Suddenly, you leaped out of a deep sleep. Your book laid open on your stomach while an extra pillow was between your legs. Your eyes fluttered open, thinking the past few days has been a dream, until you noticed Tangerine wasn’t sitting in the chair. You quickly looked around before hearing the bathroom door open and he stepped out, shirtless and in new dark slacks that rested on his hips.

Your mouth became dry. How could you dislike him so much yet here you are, ready to jump his bones as he crossed the room.

“What are you getting dressed for?” You asked, rubbing your eyes.

He half-chuckled at your groggy voice, “I want a drink.”

“Oh, like you’re not just going to abandon me here like I did you?... Where you go, I go.” You warned him.

He rolled his eyes, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“A bit hypocritical coming from you.”

Tangerine just ignored your smart comment and opened the door, letting you through first before he followed. His eyes, once again, trace your lower back and trailed down your legs. His cheeks flushed pink as he quickly looked away, clearing his throat as he caught up to you so you two were walking side by side.

You pushed the faded down button as you pushed a big breath past your lips. Tangerine put his back against the wall and crossed his arms, his muscles basically restraining in his light button up. As you turned around, you rolled your eyes– but not at him, just at yourself. How could you have any little feeling for someone who also annoyed you to your core?

He took your silence as a bit of a tease. To be fair, you two didn’t really know one another. You met once before and then you simply betrayed him. Quickly, you were dead to him, but now you’re forced to be together and it raised an important question to himself too. Why was he helping someone who obviously can’t be trusted? 

Tangerine furrowed his eyebrows at that thought, knowing he would have thrown you to the wolves last night after you closed your eyes. He played with his watch a bit before the elevator dinged and caught both of your attentions.

After entering, the low-sounding shifting mechanics of the elevator were the only sounds between you two. You heard Tangerine sniffle, seeing him stretch his neck out of the corner of your eye, but you kept a straight view to the doors. While Tangerine thought you were continuing to give him the silent treatment, you were lost in your own thoughts of the past.

You flashbacked to your last night in Paris together, and remembered how the guilt creeped up on you knowing that, in a few hours, you’d have to betray both Lemon and Tangerine. Before knowing them, you didn’t care, but now that you’ve realized how hard you were falling for Tan, it felt like a double edged sword. If you didn’t do it, maybe you could stay with him– have a life together. But, if you went through with your selfish heist, you’d lose the guy who made you comfortable with being vulnerable after a long time. 

Obviously, you regretted your decision.

“Is this what you want?” You simply asked.

Tangerine quickly turned his head, “What?”

You rolled your eyes before facing his direction, “This.” You gestured between the two of you, “The weird animosity and constantly arguing and nit-picking?”

He never thought you’d be so bold to point it out, “I mean, we don’t like each other. Simple, isn’t it?”

“I guess…” You trailed, facing back toward the doors.

Tangerine licked his lips, wondering if he should utter the words on his tongue.

“...But, that doesn’t mean we can’t start over.”

You looked over your shoulder once more before turning around to him, “You mean that?”

He arched his eyebrow, “Should I regret it now?”

Just as the elevator dinged, the doors slowly opened and the hotel lobby appeared empty. You smirked to yourself, “Why don’t we catch up over that drink, huh?” You sort of teased– not sure if it had purpose.

– – –

Your drink tasted smooth, easily trailing down your throat as you leaned your head back to finish off the rest of the liquor in your glass. Once you tilted your head back straight, you were met with Tangerine’s signature eyebrow arch.

“Don’t worry, I’m paying for my own drinks.” You sighed, placing your glass back down on the wooden table top.

“As long as I don’t got to carry you back up to the room.” He sighed, sounding more defeated than witty, then his blue eyes glanced down then back into your eyes.

You hummed, running your finger along the rim of the empty glass. 

“‘right so, what’ve you been doin’ since we last…” He cleared his throat, “saw one other?”

You crossed your leg over the other, “Not much. Actually, it’s the first time I’ve been out for a while. After leaving you guys, I laid low in Tuscany.”

“For how long?”

You shrugged, “Five months? I was on the countryside and I wanted to be alone…” then, you smirked, “I heard that you were in Kyoto.” 

Tangerine could chuckle about it now, “For a bit. Had a job to do for some psychotic, fucked up family. The dad called in us, they were all turin’ on each other. Whole fuckin’ thing…”

“As in…” You trailed, “Against one another? The whole family?”

He just nodded before taking a sip of his drink.

You raised your eyebrows, “Wow… and you got out with no bruises or cuts? Bullet holes?”

Tangerine licked his lips before he presented the side of his neck, lighter skin over his tanner tone to show the scar. You carefully reached out, brushing your fingers against it which made a tingle go up his spine. You sit back down as he turned back in his chair, and he seemed to tense up.

“Amazing you survived it.” You sealed your lips.

He crossed his arms, “I supposed…”

A comfortable silent fell between you, the light, jazz music playing at a low, and Tangerine’s eyes trailed up the side of your bare leg. He didn’t mean to stare this much, but he felt more vulnerable than usual. One thing you knew is that Tangerine was a layered person, you had to take time to get to the center of him and realize he’s not so cold once you get to know him.

“Five months in Tuscany, I bet that was lovely.”

“Not really. I isolated the whole time… I wanted to be by myself, but I felt bad about what happened… what I did in Paris.” You admitted, but didn’t look into his eyes, fearing that he would turn on you in a second.

Tangerine sighed, “You had to do your job, we did ours… that’s ‘bout all that can be said.” 

Assuming from the lack of eye contact and his tone, he seemed hurt too. You could easily let it boost your ego, but, you actually felt a relief. This hatred you’ve held against each other has finally come down and even though it wasn’t actually said, both of you can feel hostility leave the room.

You bit the inside of your cheek, “Remember, we’re starting over. Clean slate. I hope I’m making a good impression so far.” You raised your eyebrows, lifting your glass again just to drink the mixture of watered down liquor. 

He chuckled, “You’re just lovely.”

The comment made your face get hot. You blame the accent and how it can just get under your skin.

“I don’t think you’ve ever called me something so nice.”

Tangerine smirked, “Funny since we’ve just met, darling.”

Darling.

It was the first time you heard it as a term of endearment then pure spite.

You rolled your eyes, but you could humor that Tangerine was going along with it. This new cheeky side of him was something you didn’t think existed– maybe it was the liquor talking, but you hoped it wasn’t just that simple.

“So, what brings you here?” You continued to tease, placing your elbows on the table, “Business… or pleasure?” Your hand laid on top of his, brushing your fingertips along the chunky rings that perfectly fit his fingers.

Multiples thoughts sounded through both your minds.

“Maybe it’s the liquor.” “Maybe we’re a little over our heads.” “Maybe we’re bored.”

But, Tangerine held your hand on top of the table, gently holding it as his thumb grazes over your knuckles.

“Depends…” He trailed, now leaning in too, “What are you here for?”

– – –

In just a few minutes, you two were back in the room you felt trapped in for hours.

Tangerine pressed your back against the wall, a tingle running up your spine from the coolness of the wallpaper. Your lips pressed together over and over, tilting your head before biting his bottom lip. He effortlessly lifted you up with his hand under the back of your thighs, and your ankles meet around his back.

He needed so bad, desperate even… and the feeling was mutual.

He put you down on your feet again, pressing a kiss against your scarred cheek then another on your jaw. His light kisses run down the middle of your breasts as his hand lifted up the end of your skirt. You pushed your hips out as your back was against the wall still, watching him pull down your panties in an instant. You kick them to the side and Tangerine placed your leg over his shoulder, kisses along your inner thigh and your hand ran through the front of his curls.

Suddenly, his tongue ran over your swollen clit before sucking on it. With one hand in his hair, the other caressing your breast and running your thumb over your nipple.

Tangerine panted, moving his hand against your pussy lips. He pushed them apart, showing your tight hole and how you clench around nothing. He lowly groaned, running his fingers over your clit before sliding his two fingers into your pussy. You bite your bottom lip to hold back the moan stuck in your throat, watching him suck your clit and finger you at the same time.

Just as your climax neared, he felt your cunt tighten around his fingers. He couldn’t end it like this so, he took them away. You let your leg down, watching him come back up and tower over you.

“If I’m goin’ to make you cum…” He sighed, “I’m gonna be deep inside you when you fucking crumble.” He said so low before pressing his fingers against your tongue, and you tasted yourself.

You pulled his hand back, running your thumbs over his tattooed hand.

“Not if I make you cum first.” You trailed, moving his hand down so you could kiss him.

He could drop to his knees in an instant, but Tangerine surprisingly kept his composure. 

You smirked as you pushed him toward the bed, the back of his knees hitting it to make him sit down. As you stood in front of him, he leaned on his elbows as he watched your dress drop to the floor. It pooled at your ankles and when his eyes shifted back up, so glossed over, your bare body was the center of his attention.

“Hmm, I don’t think you’ll last.” You taunted.

As much as he could snap back, you straddled him and pulled apart his tightly buttoned shirt. Your hands ran over his toned and tatted chest before reaching down to his pants, unzipping the fly and he shuffled a bit to shift them off his hips. His cock was hard, restrained from his boxers and you felt flattered.

You giggled, leaning forward to share a slow kiss with him. Your bare pussy rubbed against his cock as you moved closer to him. A low groan mumbled between your makeout, and you pushed him back so you two both fell on the bed.

Your hands pressed into each side of the mattress, gaining strength to help yourself grind against his hard. His big hands tightly held your hips as you continued your smooth momentum, whimpering at your clit being rubbed by your harsh grind.

As heat rose in the room, your right hand dipped between the two of you, and ran over his hard cock once more. Tan’s lips now desperately met your jaw before taking a light bite at your neck. The feeling of your hand caressing through his boxers could make him release right there.

Becoming more impatient, you finally pushed your hand into the band of his boxers and he once more moved his hips to shift out of them. 

“Fuck, your cock is so big… can barely hold it with my hand. God, I want you to stretch me out…” You moaned, “Is that okay?”

You purposefully let him believe that he was in charge, and you were falling into the submissive role. Tangerine gained a bit of confidence from your desperate comments, and he sat more up on the bed.

“Fucking christ…” Is all he could say.

He moved the swollen and red tip against your wet slit, also aching and needing your walls to wrap around him now. At first there was pressure, pushing the tip inside your hole then slowly guiding your hips down to completely take in every inch of his cock. 

Once he bottomed out, your body lightly shook as your lips brushed against his. He was fully inside you, the tight and warm feeling making him wither beneath you.

Tangerine moved his hand, kissing your shoulder, “God, you feel like fuckin’ heaven.”

“Don’t stop. Please…” You huffed.

– – –

Then, it was morning. 

The rising sun peaked through the small split of the curtains. As you tried to shift, your body ached throughout every muscle. A small groan left your lips, but you were pulled back by a strong arm wrapped around your waist.

It snapped you back into reality. Last night really happened… and you were okay with that.

Tangerine’s tattooed arm unconsciously tightened around you, holding you close still as he still slept behind you. You barely look over your shoulder and saw his face, his eyes still shut and his curls looked wild.

You faintly smile as you turn around to face him, and that’s what woke him up. He pulled his arms back and rubbed his eyes from the brightness of the sun coming in. You run your finger along a curl on his forehead, pushing it to the top of his head and your heart melted from the sight of those blue eyes.

“Did last night really happen?” You mumbled, but with a faint smile on your lips.

He placed his hand gently on your cheek, caressing his thumb against your jaw. 

“I think the real question is…” He trailed, “Do we stay another night or go back to pretending to not know each other's existences?”

You bit your bottom lip, lightly giggling, “I think we pick secret option three and go somewhere else. Get away for a while… see where this is going. Don’t you?”

Just at that moment, Tangerine’s phone vibrated in his pants that were on the floor next to the bed. He turned over on his other side, reaching down to pull it out and reading a text Lemon just sent.

“Got a call about a job in Budapest. Are you in or overstaying your weekend?”

Tangerine smirked at himself, then felt your lips press against his neck. You placed another kiss on his shoulder, leaving a tender love bite before he turned back around to kiss you. Maybe it was the natural thrill of the chase, but you loved the not knowing. 

Whatever was next, you could only hope that he kept it interesting.

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello gorgeous! if you doesn't mind, i have an idea. yk this cliche where 1 person makes another jealous just to fire them up and to make them confess their feelings/make out/have sex. i'm always conflicted bc yes i'm a flirty person myself but if someone does it to me? cty instantly. so can you imagine daemon making reader (who's the one he knows he will marry or they're just betrothed) jealous a lot bc he's a big shit and wants her to pay all her attention to him. but he didn't thought about oh. she's cold and strong-willed. so instead of some love making she ignores him for weeks if not months not even saying go back to your whores (sorry). just want him to beg for her love and attention bc that's what he deserves. idk about smut but angst. love angst and having power over powerful men. thank u in advance! take care!

It Takes Two

Daemon Targaryen x Reader

Summary: Just because you knew Daemon flirted as though it was a sport his life depended on, didn't mean he would not meet the flames of your wrath.

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: daemon being a man 🤢, fem!reader, wife!reader, gaslight gatekeep girlboss, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: HI NONNIE im blushing over here with you calling me gorgeous. I love me some good old fashioned 'oh no the consequences of my actions' and a good femme fatale i hope you like it lovie HELP IT ACCIDENTALLY TURNED INTO FLUFF IM SO SORRY I DONT HAVE THE BRAIN POWER TO FIX IT sigh i guess its what God intended because my last daemon fic was dark af Tagging: @pinksirensong @deniixlovezelda @targeryenmoony @ly--canthrope Part 2 "Since You Asked So Nicely"

He sees me from atop his horse. He is already smirking because of the ladies circled around him. He only cares to dismount after I walk away. "Slow down!" Daemon calls chuckling, removing his stupid headpiece, discarding it without a care. When he manages to grab me, I turn and crush my heel onto his foot. He lurches back in pain, snorting angrily as he watches me walk away for the second time. He manages to grab me again, only this time, he is seething and has his hands locked on both my shoulders, "what has inspired your anger this time, wife?" My nostrils in anger. I shove his iron clad chest away from me, but he does not budge, "ask your admirers, prince." Daemon's lips quirk. He releases me. I storm away. He laughs as he calls a servant, instructing him to retrieve his helmet before he follows after his enraged dragon lover.

Daemon could no longer mask that he had been annoyed, no, worried, that up till now, the doors have not opened, and the person he had been waiting for all night has not arrived.

"Is something wrong, my prince?" the woman states in a ditzy manner.

She had been a pastime, a pawn in his game. She had grown honest with the alcohol, now unable to mask the fact she was, in fact, flirting with him. He liked her better when she talked about her dress, not that he could care any less about it. But at least she sounded like she knew what she was talking about, and not like she was measuring each word she would speak before it was spoken.

Daemon does not offer her a word in regard before walking away.

He walks up to the guard that should not be in the banquet this evening, not alone, and surely not enjoying it, as though he should not be on duty.

"Elias!" the prince calls, making the man chatting with someone, turn and straighten at the sight of him walking over.

"My prince," Elias nods in regard, lowering the cup he hand in hand slightly.

"Where is the princess?" he quips, "why are you here when she is not?"

The princess' guard shakes his head and shrugs, "she is in your chambers. Rowan is keeping guard."

Daemon's brows tighten in annoyance, "she's not finished changing still?"

The guard tilts his head, "my prince, she will not be in attendance of the banquet this eve."

"What?"

"Did she not tell you?" he mutters, "she said that she felt faint and did not want to go."

Daemon's face hardens.

Without another word, he storms out of the banquet hall.

I turn to the door from the page of the book my eyes were on when I hear it burst open.

Daemon is heaving when he stills just outside the door.

"Has something happened?" I ask, with no real interest.

The prince marches over to me. I watch him up until he sits by my side and places a hand on my forehead, "are you ill?"

I push his hand away, "no."

"Are you with child?"

I roll my eyes, closing the book in my hand, "wouldn't you like that."

"Then why are you not at the banquet, by my side?"

"Hmp," I shift, turning my body to him, "I did not know you were expecting me."

"You are my wife," Daemon grabs my hand, "everyone is expecting you to be at my side."

I hum, puling my hand away. I inch past him to place my book on the bedside table, "and tell me, husband, where you waiting in earnest or with some woman by your side?"

He does not speak a word.

I scoff at him, shaking my head as I pull back and scooch down under the covers, "that is what I thought."

I snap at him when gets to his feet and rips my blanket off me.

"I've had enough of your games," he points at me, "you have been maddening as of late."

His words make me chuckle dryly. I knit my brows. "Is it I that has been playing games, Daemon?!" I quip, sitting back up, "you have been doing nothing but egg me on ever since your damned tourney and I've about had enough of you!"

I pull the blankets back up, only to have him pull it back down again.

"You know I only do this to get your attention," he says, kicking his shoes off.

I growl, swatting at him as I move to grab the blanket, "you are truly inept if you believe throwing yourself at another woman's feet will merit my attention or good graces."

He grabs the blanket from me and pulls at it, "I only meant to recreate the moment we had after the recent tourney, my love."

I practically steam in anger, releasing the blanket, making him topple back.

"If you are so desperate to recreate it that you resort to speaking with other women, then I do not want you anywhere near me!"

Daemon sighs as he crawls towards me on the bed.

I kick him off, "begone, cretin!"

Daemon, much like him, begins to find excitement in this, and even allows a smirk to play on his lips, "I love it when you call me names."

He manages to grab my leg. When he does so, he pulls me close and pins me down underneath him with his bodyweight.

"Get off!" I shove him off.

"My love," he sighs, grabbing my wrists, pressing them down beside my head, "quit the act-"

"Daemon, I swear to you, if you do not get off me this instant, I will not speak to you for an entire moon cycle."

He stills, looking down at me as he measures my words.

I raise my brows at him in challenge, "do you think I could not do it?"

It take a moments before he releases me. I could not help but gasp when he crumbles above me, sequentially nuzzling his head beside mine.

I clench my jaw at his unwanted affections, repeating more sternly, "get. off."

"You can't make me," he snips like a spiteful child.

I begin to struggle underneath him.

He whines out a desperate, "no!" He pushes down on me, nuzzling further into my shoulder. His breath is hot on my skin when he mutters something in High Valyrian that I do not understand.

I snip, "what was that?"

"I said I did not mean to actually upset you," he quickly admits.

I snort, "didn't you?"

"..."

I relax beneath him.

"... not like this."

"Then I demand an apology with tears."

"..."

"Daemon."

"Enough, I'm going to sleep."

"You are not sleeping in that," I push him off, catching him off guard. He begrudgingly rolls on his back and releases a dramatic sigh. I look at him and raise a brow, "get up right now, or I will make you get up."

He does not listen to a word I say.

The next moment, I have him off the bed. He falls with a yelp and a thud after I kick him.

Daemon rises on his knees eyeing me darkly as I pull the blankets over my me once more, "I told you so."

[ganondoodle]

Hello 👋

Swallowing my nerves at last to send you an ask! I was just wondering, what inspires your designs? Are their inspirations in stuff like movies or games? Or just things you come up with yourself?

i .. honestly its kinda hard to tell, sometimes i just randomly think of something, like some detail, or color combination and try to incorporate that into a design somehow; it can come from anywhere, like the color scheme of a pithaya/dragonfruit is something i have been wanting to make a design with for ages but havent come up with anything good in all those years ;O;

im a very easily fascinated by color, espeically in nature, like sometimes i just stop and stare at something like i froze in time bc i just woooooooooooooah color! i probably look like a weirdo doing that though

its really hard to pinpoint anything specifically, the most is probably .. other artists? i guess? which always makes me nervous bc my memory is shit in most areas of life and i worry myself to pieces whether i unintentionally "stole" an idea and just dont remember and think it was my own, it goes further that sometimes i see something that makes me want to draw a similar concept but dont bc i dont want to 'steal' even if that couldnt be further from my intention (have been accused of that before ..)

that said for my ocs specifically .. most are rather old and have just kinda evolved out of their awkward first iterations (shargons first iteration was a hauro-howl- copy that was really just some human covered in feathers .. another oc was once a hellboy copy but in green- havent drawn nor redeisgn them in ages lol), the biggest inspirations for them is a mix of animals, bonus if you dont see them often- im a big shark, whale and sea creatures in general nerd so i tend to take from them as a priority but always trying to be less directly animal and mostly just .. features that work together

Eadrya is one of the newer OCs- i started to write but then looked at my folders and oh they are from 2017 .., i even made a design timeline for them how much they, and my art, have changed back in 2020, so thats also way outdated now lol (they apparently started as a whale .. thing? its like a pokemon evolution lol)

this is them now (i like this sketch still, though shargons design is now also outdated lmao)

this ones from early 2023 so also outdated now but you get the point

for demons i try to be a bit more wild on shapes and colors while still adhering to the rules of how they work (humanoid form, demon form, animalistic, one element each and more or less made to fit that, 4 arms is very common, look to be bost scary and wild but also something that would make you stop in tracks and stare in awe and fear if you crossed paths)

often times designs just kinda .. happen, i have maybe the idea ok i wanna make something with a white and red pattern also moose or those big horned cows are cool and kinda scary so maybe sth akin to that (though this one is technically a redesign too- its also pretty much entirely different)

for non demons but still non human i go for a much more restrained design, mainly inspired directly by an animal and giving the color scheme a good spin, plus adding unconventional body shapes, like ki'ita is also a good example, her old idea was just orca anthro pirate and just by making the white green instead in her most recent redesign already adds that little spin to it

that can have its pitfalls though, as i often fall into the big arm small head small legs scheme over and over xD

alot of it is trial and error, deciding on the colors can take me hours bc im always searching for my little rule of having one contrast color that shows up in very few places to draw attention to it (like with Eadrya its those bright yellow eyes and thingy at their tail)

and that is all about myy own ocs, when its fandom stuff it works kinda similar though, either in the connections i wanna draw or just thinking it further- like how deities in destiny work also just kinda .. happened like an ever derailing train

like for demise i was at first really just im gonna give him horns bc horns are cool and he got those on the starting mural in the game- so how his hair work? well maybe it isnt hair actually and just unbound energy, im making him a deity too and fit hylias design to his so, yeah, then so how does it work, ok he gotta have a skeleton still, but what if his entire actual body is made up of pure magical energy with its core in the ribcage? with the core in the ribcage >:3c and the scales you see are just like cooled down lava as an armor bc his thing is fire and earth !! the normal blood? is a thin layer of skin imiated from mortals to keep the scales together and flexible so if he ACTUALLY gets hurt hed bleed magic that looks more like lava and any normal blood you see is just the armor- so why does he have a skeleton still instead of being just energy? maybe its gotta be bound to something OH and what if all of the deities started as mortals like a mirror to the trio later on and the gods cannot have direct influence to the worlds so they needed a right hand that is neither god nor mortal but both by killing a mortal by whatever their element will be (demise burned, hylia drowned etc) and their skeleton and spirit is kept but put into a body of magic- OH what if their spirit core is like almost piloting their bodies like a mech in a way bc if youd look close youd see that every strand of magic is actual a hand of their spirit so it makes it more weird and other bc hed be able to reach out with thousands of burning claws of all shapes and sizes like the beheaded forest god at the end of mononoke- SO if hed lose and arm or something all those strands would untangle and rearrange his bones back together-OH MY GOD the whole armor idea works so well for ghirahims dark armor so what if demise had two swords once and lost one and since has forged an armor similar to his own for ghirahim out fo fear of losing him t---

and that all is a process that happens over several weeks and months not rarely while i am drawing something mindlessly and suddendly *have a thought* and omg that makes so much sense-

so "what" inspires my designs? an ever derailing train of thought about making cool thick monsters that arent the evil thing to get rid of for once? cool color schemes? idk it just kinda happens??

[rzyraffek]

Heyyy you probs already know who this is but could u pls do slashers reacting to their s/o (who is an age regressor) asking them to be their caregiver :3!!

Ty ur amazing🙏🙏🙏 - ur Agere follower 💗🙏

BRO IM SO SORRY FOR LONG WAIT😭 school gives me no free time! Anyways here's your request!

(Caregivers are basically people who take care of age regressing person (in this context) )

Info: they/them, sfw, Request open

Slashers being s/o's caregivers

Jason Voorhees

Dude already acts like you're a baby, so he wouldn't mind doing it more often

When s/o asked him about being their caregiver dude kinda didn't expect that? You trust him to take care of you? THE Jason Voorhees?? Yay💖

He enjoys taking care of s/o whether they are age regressing or no

He doesnt even need to know what is age regression and how it works. Jason just vibes

Will absolutely spoil them btw

9/10 sweet guy

Micheal Myers

👍

Dude doesn't care

He is a bully and probably thinks that "You are already acting like a crybaby🥱 so whats the diffrence"

Tbh he always vibed more with kids than adults cuz they often judge him for all the 'killing innocent people' ugh. So he doest really mind s/o age regressing

The cons are that he is acting like old grandad who has no clue how to child

The pros are that he will throw hands if somone is rude (tbh they dont even need to be rude towards s/o they just have to look at them for too long)

He sometimes doodles with s/o! You guys have similar artystyles😭

4/10 evil

Brahms Heelshire

Funfact! I refuse to belive that name Brahms fucking exists, tf is that name, it doesn't sound like an acuall name but some made up shit

Dude is kinda worried that he will do something dumb while s/o is regressing. Like what if he sets kitchen on fire or something😭

Makes all schedule for little s/o😊 when there's nap time, when to eat, ect. Cuz he would get so lost without the plan

Picks s/o up like sack of potatos

6/10 pookie tried

Billy Lenz

👁👁

BRO GETS MORE ALONG WITH S/O WHILE THEY ARE REGRESSING HELP😭😭😭

Dude is simple minded, and childish and

Yeah he sucks at taking care of s/o, like how could he know that little humans need to be taken care off???? Like??? Why would he give them food? Dude bearly knows how to boil water

Exept all 'taking care of s/o' thingy he is a good at keeping company! He shares snacks and watches cartoons with s/o!

Sometimes he likes to pretend that he's a rat and he bites their legs during nap/sleep time (he doenst care if they are regressing or nah he just does that)

2/10 will hiss

Vincent Sinclair

Has siblings, hes knows how to child

Makes nice food and will spoon feed s/o if necessary

Very good at reading emotions so if s/o isn't very talkative... dude knows what's up

Infodumps them about pokemon games and lets s/o play on his old Nintendo DS

10/10 knows how to child

Bo Sinclair

Definitely dad vibes

Picks you up and goes 'ew a child' and after few days hes like 'if something happens to them I'm going to kill everyone in this room then myself'

Tbh he kinda lets himself be silly around little s/o cuz they won't judge or tease him for it

Dude absolutely picks them up and play-fights alot btw

6/10 b(r)o

All x reader tags are purley to reach bigger audience!! I used 's/o' cuz thats what anon wanted🥱

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not telling someone i know he’s being bullied?

⚠️ mentions of cancer + a suicide attempt

everyone mentioned here is in their 20s, with the youngest being 21 and the oldest being 28. none of the names used here are anyone’s actual names.

this is kind of a long story with a lot of moving parts and i can’t get into ALL of it so im trying to section JUST this off. basically i’ve had a group of friends for awhile. we met in a larger server and its a pretty big circle, so there is interpersonal drama aplenty. i stepped away from the bigger server and mainly maintained contact with 5-7 friends id made through a personal server and dm conversations.

one of the people in that server, erin (she/they) dm’d me to tell me they had to leave said personal server because they’d had a bit of an incident with 3 of the other members. they ended up telling me that they and the other 3 members had a group chat where they’d regularly talk shit about another person we know, bryce (he/him). apparently they all took something he said months ago WILDLY out of context to claim he’s a transmisogynist and therefore its fine that they bully him (this guy isn’t someone i’ve talked to very much since leaving but i do know him and we are on good terms. he can be a bit difficult to maintain conversations with but he very much is not a transmisogynist. also none of the people in this gc are transfem). like, they conspire in this group chat ways to make him feel bad. erin showed me some screenshots. its pretty textbook highschool mean girls behavior.

erin was also in this group chat and finally got fed up with them all and told them they need to stop trying to justify their actions. its pretty obvious bryce is not the bigot they’re saying he is and they’re just using that as an excuse to be cruel. the people in the group chat did not take that well so erin left and has also left any mutual servers they’re in with them.

she only told me all this because i offered to let her vent, but now im in kind of a rough spot morally. i think the correct thing to do here would be to let bryce know, but im being. kind of a coward about it.

this all may sound like im just throwing myself a pity party, but i am in a very, very bad spot right now. like i said, there was a ton of interpersonal drama in this group and i’ve been in the center of it before. it took a massive toll on me. so im not keen to get involved in drama in general, but also, mainly. i lost my best friend (minze, she/her) to cancer at the start of this year. i’ve known her since childhood and i’ve barely been able to function without her. we lived together. i still take care of her cat. we had the same birthday, and its coming up in a little over a week. i’ve been absolutely gutted knowing this is the first birthday ill spend without her in over a decade. i tried to kill myself a couple of weeks ago because i couldn’t bear the thought of it. i failed, obviously. and im fine at the moment but im definitely not perfectly well and im barely hanging on by a thread

i left the larger group because i couldn’t stand to be involved with everything going on. if i tell bryce about this group chat, i will be getting involved again. i dont think they know i know about it at this point but the only people who could tell him would be me and erin. even if i did it anonymously or asked him not to tell it would be incredibly easy to trace back to me. while im appalled to know my friends have been so viciously cruel to someone for no reason, since losing minze these people have been my only support network. they all knew minze, too. they’re some of the only people i can share memories of her with. i dont think i could process this grief alone

i know i need better friends but i don’t have them right now. i’ve sort of already got a strained relationship with some of them and i worry this could be the last straw and id just… lose them abruptly. and i know if that happened id put myself at risk again, because id be just as heavily suicidal but now with no one to confide in about it

bryce deserves to know. its the right thing to do, but it would cause me a dangerous amount of mental strain. but even though i say i don’t want to get involved i do feel, on some level, like i probably got involved the second i let erin even tell me about this. so i feel like im being a whiny dickhead and just making excuses but im just. im not willing to put myself through this again. not right now. aita?

What are these acronyms?

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 2

♡ Summary: Carmy & Syd go horseback riding!!! Carmy's therapy friends push him to go for what he wants, his 'light at the end of the tunnel'

♡ W/C: 6,534

♡ Posted Date: 04/07/2024

♡ A/N: Hayoooo!!! I am too inspired... this has become a multi-chap fic hahaha I am havin' so much fun here!! Thank you @gingergofastboatsmojito for inspiring me to keep going!!! ILY! As per usual please know - this fic was inspired by THIS FIC here - Tucson by the GLORIOUS GINGER!!!! Go read that before you even THINK about reading this fic ok?! I love how I hate storer for the same reasons but im a sucker for writing a slowburn - I find myself screaming at MYSELF internally "make them kiss already!!!!" but they will KISSSS SHORTLY SO SHORTLY MY DEARSSSS !!! It will be a JUICY TAYLOR SWIFT DAYLIGHT ASS KISS OK!!!! THEY WILL ONLY SEE EACHOTHER FROM THEN ON!!!! Its gonna be a 'and I can still see it all in my mind all of you all of me intertwined I USED TO THINK LOVE WOULD BE BLACK AND WHITE BUT ITS GOLDENNNNNNN. We need Carmy to realize a few more things but then - he will be hozier level devoted to this woman even more then he already is, I hope you enjoy!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Not really any? Like? LOL - Swearing?! Smoking cigarettes?! They just went horseback riding & carmy went to therapy- oh Ig talks of carmy getting hard LMAO but thats as crazy as we get this chapter. ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

Stardust nudges his shoulder so hard he almost falls over, and he turns to look at her. His heart jumped into his throat, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. She was there, she was really there. 

“Uh-” he blinked a few times, to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear. “Syd? Hey..uh-” he felt his entire body buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t help the smile that took over his features. She looked… gorgeous. Carmen wasn’t sure there actually was a word in any human language ever to exist that could describe just how wonderful she looked. 

Her hair was in its natural state, she was wearing an adorable corduroy jacket, black jeans, and white sneakers. “You came to a farm…in those?” he motions to her shoes. 

She laughs a bit “Wow- it’s great to see you too, Carm. Didn’t realize you were…actually like living on a farm” she approached him carefully. 

“Shit- yes- fuck- It’s its so good to see you, Syd, C’mere” he pulls her into a tight, long hug. The smell of her lavender vanilla perfume nearly made him melt. 

“You’re like…tan- and…muscley now” She laughs a bit, squeezing his arm lightly. 

“Uh..” he pulled away, cheeks bright red. “Yeah uh.. It's like- fuckin hard t’ride a horse. And the um…” he rubbed his neck nervously “The uh cows.. They eat hay? Most the time, and so we need to move the bales during the morning for em, they’re like…. 75? 80 pounds? So moving like 10 back and forth every day helps. And I dont really.. Go inside? Here? Its like… uh.. Thats the therapy mostly, the animals- at least f’me” he said sheepishly. 

She nodded, looking around the stable. “That one behind you is yours? Shes been side-eying me creepily since I started talking” she pointed to Stardust. 

“Oh! Fuck sorry yea, well- no…not- not mine- I got ‘er t’trust me. But uh, yeah this is Stardust. She’s a super sweet girl” He explained. Stardust leaned in, sniffing Syds hair carefully. 

“Cute- All you’re missing is a hat” She teased.

He chuckled a bit,  “Ok, c’mon - why are you here, Syd” He said with a small smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

She shrugged, looking at the ground and kicking a rock out of the way with her shoe. “Cause…I was worried- I dunno…” She definitely wasn't going to get bold and tell him that she’d missed him, terribly.

“Ok…well now that y’here, and y’see i’m okay…wanna have some fun?” He asked, a small smile on his lips.

Syd looked back up at him, as if he had 3 heads. “Okay- Where is Carmen Berzatto- Not his… Weird alien clone- Camren Brazota” she said, laughing a bit “what do you mean fun?” She asked, and Carmy laughed, real, and genuine. 

“Well- If I didn’t change my view a little I’d never leave. So, yes, Syd, ‘a little fun never hurt noone’ - per my therapist. Shes fuckin annoying. I much prefer the horses.” He pet Star’s mane and she leaned into his touch.

“Holy shit” Syd laughed a bit. “Wow- alright. I feel like you’re a whole new man already, what kind of fun?” she mused. 

“Ever ridden a horse?” he walked over to the saddle rack, pulling off a double seated one and hanging it over the back of the stall door. 

“No- Actually, Don’t I need um…like - stuff for it?” she asked. 

“Oh don’t think I wont give you the full experience” he opened the riding closet, “Whats your shoe size?” he asked, crouching down and looking through the pairs of extras. 

“8? Er- 9 probably 9” she said. He dug through them until he found a matching pair.

“These should do, y’stuff is cool here we can just leave it in her stall” he told her, holding out his arm for her to hold while she switched her shoes.

“You seem like…” she said as she slipped off her sneaker and put on the boot. “I dunno…chill- well- i wont go that far- but chill-er then before.” Carm snorted a laugh, holding on to her arm to steady her. 

“Thanks? I guess..that’s good right?” He asked. 

“Yeah! Yeah of course…I mean, it’s nice. To see you not so…anxious.” She said, slipping the other boot on. 

“Yeah I um…” he cleared his throat, opening the stall door. “I uh..I’m takin meds- Now? Uh..all this shit. Y’know they have me like tranquilized more then these guys” he said and she laughs, Carmen smiled proudly at the fact, relishing in the wonderful sound. 

“But yeah like Like 3 er..er 4. they say I had all this uh..mental shit. Goin’ on w’me and that’s why I was all…wound up I guess” he explained, calling Star out and getting her harness situated. 

Syd caught herself staring at his arms as he worked, how the toned muscle moved beneath the fabric of the shirt. 

“Aren’t you freezing?” She asked, noticing he wasn’t wearing a jacket like she was. 

“Used to it now, well- I mean the moving around. It gets hot this shit is heavy. Wanna try to hold the saddle?” He asked, unhooking the saddle from the stall door where he’d left it momentarily. 

“It can’t be that bad” she countered. 

“I think this thing weighs probably as much as you do.” He said “hold out your arms” he smiled a bit. 

She lifted her arms out in front of her and he plops the saddle down, she had to plant one of her feet forward so she didn’t fall face first due to the sudden weight and he laughed, catching the saddle quickly and baring most the weight. 

“Told you” he teased. 

She rolled her eyes “yeah whatever. Saddle up the horse, cowboy” she dropped the saddle back in his arms. He hurled the saddle over Stars back with a grunt. 

“Fuckin hell” he huffed, realizing since the saddle was nearly double the weight as his usual, and being on the shorter end- he couldn’t just get it on her when she was standing straight. “Bow” he told the horse and she just stared at Sydney. 

“Don’t embarrass me, Star. Bow” he told her and she looked the other way. 

“So uhhh…this one’s trained, huh?” Sydney teased. 

Carmen looked back at her “mmhmm maybe she doesn’t like strangers” he said, walking over to the other side. 

“Since she’s bein difficult y’gonna have T’help. C’mere” he waved her over and she followed. “So when I push it up, just grab the saddle pad and make sure it doesn’t move, yea?” He asked. 

“The fuck is a saddle pad, dude- I know my way around a kitchen not a fuckin horse stable.” She looked at the many different layers the horse was already wearing. 

“Alright. So this,” he lifted the cloth, “is her blanket. Keeps her core warm. And beneath it” he pats the pad “this is her saddle pad, it makes it more comfortable. So our bones aren’t like..diggin in her back and shit. Also shock, when she jumps the foam of it helps our weight disperse. The saddle is so big and heavy I can’t keep the pad still at the same time, so just hold it f’me,” he took her hand, guiding it to where he wanted her to hold. 

She felt her heartbeat quicken, his hands were so large and calloused on top of her own. She nodded wordlessly, keeping her eyes trained on where she was meant to be holding and focusing on keeping it steady as he went back around and carefully lifted up the heavy saddle with a grunt, laying it over the horses back. 

“Jesus- how much can this thing carry” Syd asked. 

“Well she is a mare, she weighs about…mmm- 1900? She can comfortably hold about 400 pounds for a decent distance but she can’t do that for hours and hours at a time. We together can’t be more then 300, and her gear is less then 100 pounds. Were just goin f’r a quick ride, I gotta get to therapy at 3” he explained as he buckled on her saddle. 

“Ah. So you’ve been memorizing horse information instead of creating recipes? I figured when I got here you’d have gone nuts by now without being in a kitchen so long” she gently touched the horses mane as she spoke. 

“Maybe. Well…I am kinda goin crazy? But I can’t…let it out?” He chuckled a bit “does that make sense? Nights are a little hard before my sleep meds kick in but that just says I haven’t done enough that day” he got up. “So y’gettin up first since I’m sittin in back” he explained. 

“Oh…uh- ok how do I?” She asked looking up at the at least 7 foot tall animal. 

“Y’not gonna be able to do it alone. C’mere” he told her. She comes over and looks at him. 

“How the fuck do you do this?” She looked up at the saddle that was at the top of her head before looking back at him. 

“So-“ he snorts a laugh at her wide confused expression. “She’s not gonna like you trying to roll up on her back, and I don’t want you t’get thrown off, she can be moody with new people. I almost broke my shoulder my first time trying to ride her” he said and she crossed her arms slightly. 

“So how. How do I get up there?” She asked. He pulled out a step stool, setting it next to the horse and getting up on the third step. 

“I’m giving you a lift. Arms up” he said with a playful smirk. 

“No- no way- Carmen that’s too high. You’ll drop me!!” She took a step back, feeling slightly nervous. 

“I won’t because I’ll bribe her Syd. C’mere” he pulled a pack of peep marshmallows out of his pocket and the horse nearly starts dancing. 

“Carm- what the fuck is happening?” She asked and Carmy chuckled. 

“Bow. Cmon Syd wants t’ride. Bow and you’ll get y’treat star.” He told the horse. 

It obediently bowed down and before Syd could process what was happening, Carm was scooping her up beneath her arms Syd squealed in surprise. “Oh my GOD WHY ARE YOU PICKING ME UP!” She shrieked, wiggling in his arms. 

“open y’legs! Cmon! she’s gonna get up!!!” Carmen laughed holding her up higher. Syd finally obeyed and he gently plopped her on the first saddle. “Good girl” he told the horse, feeding her the marshmallow and putting the packet in his pocket again before swiftly getting on behind Syd. 

“Alright. Hard part done.” He reached around her waist, and she lifted her arms slightly. 

“What- can you tell me what’s going on? I’m a horse virgin!” She said, and they both went quiet for a moment, before cracking up laughing. Syd leaned to her left slightly as she tried catching her breath, grabbing the rein for stability and tugging. 

Star took off sprinting, Syd screamed in surprise, her body going tight with fear. Carmen quickly wrapped his arms around Syds waist protectively, tugging on the reigns “WOOOOAH!” He called to Star and she quickly came to a stop. 

“Stand.” He told the horse firmly. 

“What the fuck Carm I thought she was trained!” Syd exclaimed, gripping onto his forearms for dear life. 

“I gotchu, you think I’d let her kick you off?” He tightened his arms around her. Carmen swore his heart was thumping so hard that she felt it on her shoulder blade. 

“Also when she moves it’s hard to keep still.” She said nervously. 

“Don’t worry, I gotchu, Syd. Lean into me, if our weight is centered then it’ll be easier for all 3 of us” he gently pushed at her stomach. 

She leaned back into his broad chest, “see” he said softly. He was lucky the angle didn’t allow for her to see him, because his face was bright red, And having her body pressed against his…was making him flush somewhere else too. 

He clicked his tongue and Stardust started walking again, at an easy comfortable trot. “This…is ok.” She said, much more comfortable now. 

“I’m gonna take you t’one of my favorite spots.” He said, pulling on the reins to the left lightly so she would follow the left trail. 

“Wow, already sharing secret spots huh? I think this therapist may just be Doctor of the year I don’t even think I’ve seen your favorite Chicago spots” she teased. 

Carm laughed a bit, he felt so much lighter with Syd around. And life had been lighter ever since he got here. 

“How is…uh- how is it back home?” He cleared his throat lightly. It was something that had being weighing on him. Yes, he was here, he was doing the thing. He was making Sugar happy. He was making Syd happy…but he would go back, at some point. 

And his biggest fear was things will just go right back. He won’t have this outlet, he won’t have sunset rides with Stardust to ease his mind. He won’t have the cows happily running up to him and greeting him when he was the first one to bring out a bale of hay. He felt like if he was here, he may have the confidence to tell Syd how he feels. But back home? It was another life. 

“Fine..things are..y’know. The usual shit. But nothing bad, no one’s getting locked in any freezers if that’s what you mean” she said playfully. 

Carm rolled his eyes with a light smile. “Mmhmm. So the restaurant is-“ 

“Is fine.” She said. “I’d have told you. You know that.” She said and he nodded a bit. 

“I know she scared you back there…but it’s pretty fun to go fast. You wanna try?” He asked. 

She shifted a bit uncomfortably, her hands tightening around his arms that were holding the reins around her waist. “Uhh…maybe? Are you sure we won’t fall off?” She questioned. 

“I’m sure. Here you can be the one to control it. Start light ok? With your legs.” He gently ran his hands down her thighs to right below her knees “here” he said softly, squeezing the flesh gently so she wouldn’t have to lean and look. “With that part of your legs, give her a little squeeze. But really light, or we’ll take out of here like a bat out of hell” he held around her waist again, securely holding the reins. 

“Mmhmm” she said, she was beginning to feel hot- and not because she’d done any hard work in regards to getting the horse ready. 

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, you’re the boss” he said the last part softly in her ear. If it wasn’t for her jacket, he would see the goosebumps that had risen on her arms. She nodded quickly, staring straight ahead and trying to maintain her composure. 

“So I just?” She squeezed gently and the horse picks up her speed slightly. “Oh…ok” she said. 

“Told y’she was trained” Carmy teased and she rolls her eyes. 

“Mmm you’ve done a very good job, bribing this horse with peeps. The staff know you do this?” She asked. Carmy snorted a laugh

“No. But she’s healthy. Made sure. She only gets one or 2 if she doesn’t listen.” He admitted. 

She shook her head with a smile. “And how’d you find this out, Carm?” She leaned into him once more. 

“I…” he laughed a bit, his chest vibrating with the movement and it made her heart warm. 

“I uh…spent a few days in the library here. Reading up. After she threw me off. It’s all about trust with em. So I never lied to ‘er and I’ve never done something she didn’t expect because I always try to warn her.” He said, pulling her reigns a bit tighter. 

“This is like a joyride Syd cmon, I said fast not an evening stroll.” He teased. 

“Fine. Mister horse master- show me what Miss Stardust can do.” She said. 

With 2 kisses and a quick tap of his heel, they were off like a rocket. He held Syd steady, being sure she wouldn’t have to do most the work of holding herself center as he gripped each reign with the opposite hand, holding them taught so Star knew to keep going. 

Syd laughed, the wind flicking her dark curls all around. He wished she could see her amused expression. “Holy shit this is the best!” She shouted over the loud thuds of Stars hoofbeats. 

“I know right! Can you believe she can go faster?” He said, holding his knees taut around her hips to keep her from sliding. 

“Okay we are not! This is fine!” She said and sat up a bit “are we going into the-” She asks as Star begins to barrel through a creek, the freezing water spraying up and around them getting them slightly wet, the freezing water splashing from their calves up to their cheeks.. “CARMY!” She screams through laughter. 

He could barely catch his breath as he laughed so hard his stomach and ribs ached. “I’m sorry!! Syd! Oh god-“ he chuckled “woah girl- woah” he called to the course and she slowed down once again to a stop. 

“Fuck-“ Carmen chuckled “you okay?” He asked, picking a wet leaf from her jacket and throwing it to the forest floor. 

“Yeah- I’m.. I’m fine. That was really fun actually. C’mon I wanna see the spot” she said and took it upon herself to tug the reins so Star would take off again

“Shi-it!” He quickly finds his balance, “warn me!! Oh god I almost flew off!!” He told her. 

“You think I’d let her throw you off?” She mimics him from earlier and he takes the chance to playfully pinch her waist 

“Yes because who’s in back and who’s in front?” He wrapped his arms around her again, taking the reins from her grasp. “Your reign privileges have been revoked for this riding lesson, Ms.Adamu”  

She laughed a bit “I’ll earn them back. Don’t worry” she mused. 

“Mmm we need to talk about more shit before I just literally hand the reins over. Coulda spooked her and we’d be fuckin dead.” he angled the outside reigns so she’d slow down as they came to the clearing. 

“Here we are” he hopped off, raising his arms to help her down. 

She carefully reached out for him and he lifted her off, gently setting her down. “Holy fuck Carmy” she turned around, watching the waterfall cascade down over the rocks. 

“Right! Told you. It’s a fire spot” he went over to one of the rocks he usually sat at, plopping down and taking out a cigarette. “Oh- shit- can’t have y’running off” he told Stardust and chuckled, leaving the cigarette between his lips as he walked over to her, guiding her over to the tree, and hooking her right rein around a branch before sitting back down. 

“Yeah…I can’t remember the last time I went somewhere so…” she trailed off, looking at all the trees and running water. 

“Green?” Carmy lit his cigarette, taking a drag. “Not packed with smog? Somewhere that doesn’t smell like shit.” He said as he exhaled. 

“…yeah” she said and laughed a bit. “Yeah. Guess that’s it.” She came and sat next to him. “What did you mean about her getting scared?” She asked curiously. 

“Oh- a scared horse will fucking kill you. Not on purpose, but they’re big and pure muscle, and will do anything to get away from danger. I scared the shit out of her one time, that was it. Dislocated my shoulder 8th day here. Doing that hurts like a bitch by the way.” He rolled his shoulder gently. 

“How’d you manage that? God I knew you were shit at chatting up girls but she dislocated your shoulder?” She teased. 

He rolled his eyes with a playful smile, taking another drag. “Yes, I was fuckin around on the trail, dunno why- but there was this branch sticking out so I grabbed it, it snapped, she fuckin reeeared dude. I flew back so hard. My back might still be bruised I’m not sure. Still hurts a little to laugh” he said. 

“You better have seen a doctor” she said. 

“Ohhh silly Syd.” He sighed, a puff of smoke filling the air in front of him. “We aren’t allowed to refuse treatment here. If you get hurt, and you refuse to get help, it’s considered self harm, which leads to them believing you have suicidal ideation, which leads to you being locked in the actual nuthouse. So yes. I willingly went to the doctor daily for a week. And now, I’m being checked on once a week. So yeah. Oh and therapy daily. And every day I’m given my meds and someone checks over ‘pre-existing injuries’ which that is now considered. So yeah. I’m good. I’m fuckin fine as fine can be.” He said. 

“Awww poor little chef, being taken care of so well that’s so hard isn’t it?” She teased and he gives her a playful glare, but couldn’t help but crack a smile when he realized she was smiling too. 

“I was being taken care of fine at home by myself but you and my sister just had to ship me off after one tiny accident” he leaned back on his hand, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

“It stops becoming an accident when you didn’t care, Carm. You didn’t care. It didn’t phase you. You weren’t even…you weren’t even scared. Just because you didn’t do it on purpose doesn’t mean you did the sane thing which would have been doing everything you could to not let something like that happen.” She said, her tone suddenly serious. 

He looked down at his lap, swallowing thickly. He suddenly felt all of the armor he’d spent the last 31 days chipping at, slowly start to meld back together and shell him back in at the shame the whole situation was making him feel. 

“I have nightmares…you know. About it. What happened” she said quietly, and he could physically feel his heart ripping open. 

The only sound between them was the bubbling stream, and the sounds of their even breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, gaze fixed on his lap knowing he would burst into tears at the admission she’d been so deeply plagued by something he’d done, if he had looked at her.

“I know” was all she said, gently resting her hand on top of his. He felt the same fireworks exploding in his chest that he only ever felt when she was around. 

“Do you um…” he clears his throat and shook his head, embarrassed by the question plaguing his mind. “Never mind it’s..it’s stupid.” He removed his hand, putting his cigarette in it and resting the hand opposite of her on the rock. 

“That usually means it’s not stupid. What?” She coaxed, bumping his knee with hers gently. 

“It’s stupid” he said again, shrugging his shoulders. 

“It can’t be stupider then asking me what UPS means” She said playfully. He rolled his eyes, smiling and looking over at her. 

“And what if it is?” He questioned. 

“I would be..worried they’re giving you a bad concoction of meds that’s turning your glorious chef brain in to Swiss cheese” she teased 

He snorts a laugh. “I was gonna ask..if you wanted to cook..t’night. My cabin…it uh- has a kitchen? I haven’t cooked in a month. They give us food so I haven’t really bothered but…seeing you makes me miss it more, I guess” he blushed, looking back down at his lap. 

“Well obviously. Not gonna let you eat whatever bullshit they’ve been giving you while I’m around.” She said and he shook his head, meeting her gaze once more with a playful smirk. 

“Maybe you should check in. My therapist says it’s bad apparently to feel ‘responsible for others’ - says it’s a ‘subconscious self harming behavior’ “ he teased. 

She smiled a bit. “Okay- say I do. How about, I check in now, we shoot the shit for what- eleven more days- then, you go back home- and see how stressful it is in that restaurant when one of your hands is basically missing” she plucked the cigarette bud he’d forgotten about from between his fingers before it burnt him, flicking it into the creek. 

“You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you smoke- other then…me like checking on you when you were about to explode at work. But you’ve never…pulled one out and smoked it I guess” she said, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her cheek on her forearm as she looked at him. 

“Oh…” he said, pulling one of his legs up and resting his arm on it. “Didn’t realize you noticed” he said, brushing some dirt off his jeans. 

“I notice a lot of stupid shit about you, it’s kinda annoying honestly.” She said without thinking, her eyes widening when she realized and she looked the other way, resting her other cheek on her knee and squeezing her eyes shut. 

Why would you ever say that?! She asked herself internally. 

“Oh?” He said again, smiling a bit. “You do?” He questions, but that was as far as he’d push. 

“Mhm” was all she responded. Carmys phone started buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out in case it was one of the ‘base keepers’ they called them. Carmy rather call them babysitters. He knew what they were for, being sure if they were out of sight too long they were making sure they could still get ahold of them. 

He sighed in relief when he saw it was just his 2:40 alarm. “Gotta go” he stood up, offering his hand to Syd. “Like- now. Or my ass is getting chewed out.” 

The ride back to the cabins was mostly silent. He had no stool this time, so he had to pick up Syd essentially by the ass and gently place her on Stars back so she didn’t get spooked. 

He was embarassed as fuck that the tiny action had the crotch region of his jeans tightening more then was casually explainable. Thank god no one was around to see him awkwardly hop in the way of his semi hard third leg down his left pant leg, grunting but covering it with a dry cough when she settled her ass back into him to ‘center their gravity’ 

Syd absolutely felt the firmness pressing into her ass. She thought it was a bit funny, but also brushed it off to the strange friction that came with riding a horse. She couldn’t allow herself to fully believe his teenage like excitement was due to her, or she’d go insane. 

Carmy dropped Syd off at his cabin, giving her the key and telling her he’d put up Stardust and be back by 5, she would be blushing if it weren’t for her mahogany complexion at the domesticity of it all - er what she could imagine domesticity with Carmy would feel like. 

Her panties were also soaked through from the feeling of his enormous length pressed into the curve of her ass - the entire way back - but she just chalked that up to not getting laid for a few months, and misreading his natural arousal for him being horny- she quickly pushed the thought down and just chalked it up to the horse. Because guys get hard when they ride horses…right? Right?!

Carmen arrived to therapy extremely frustrated, and extremely ready to talk. He sat down in his regular spot in the back, tapping his knee nervously and covering his crotch with his hands. Luckily, thinking about his mother was enough to make him soft nearly instantly so he had that to thank her for at least. 

“Alright guys!” Julienne, the usual Friday therapist came in, sitting in her spot in the circle. “Who is up today! We are-“ she looks at her iPad “oh! Yes this is another OP class, so- no pressure but, I wanna hear what’s goin on!” She crossed her legs. 

Julie was far from his favorite therapist, at Blue Lotus. But he wasn’t his least favorite. So he would still talk. He cleared his throat, raising his hand slightly. 

“Carmy?! What a treat! Okay what’s up” she grabbed her little stylus pencil. He bit the inside of his lip nervously. He despised how casual she tried to make this all feel. 

“Uh…so- my um…business partner, she came to see me. I guess I haven’t been…keeping touch? Enough? She just said she was worried…” he cleared his throat again, gaze fixed on his lap. “And uh…I’m startin’ t’-t’realize stuff?” He sniffled nervously, rubbing his mouth with slightly clammy, nervous hands. 

“She uh..” he chuckled a bit. “She…she just…showed up. Didn’t hear shit from ‘er. She probably knew that I’d uh…I’d tell ‘er no?” He finally meets the gaze of Julie. 

“Okay. You know guests are allowed right? Like- during the visiting hours, 6am to 11pm, no fraternizing between patients but-“ Carmen cuts her off

“We aren’t - no. Not fraternizing” He shook his head. “But uh…today? We were- we were sitting. This spot, near uh, Jupiter point? On the north side. And I had this- this urge T-to tell her…everything.” He shook his head, looking at the floor again. 

“So…you wanted to tell her you love her?” Jesse, one of the guys he’d had lunch with a few times piped up. 

“T’be honest, I don’t know.” Carmen said honestly, looking at him. 

“Well what does it feel like?” Jesse asked, sitting up a bit. 

“What? Like- what does what feel like?” Carmen asked curiously. 

“Her. Being with her. Talking to her? Inside. Like. Your chest. Your skin?” He questioned. 

“Uh…” Carmen sat back, swallowing thickly and crossing his arms over his chest. He thought for a moment. 

“Hot. I get hot. All over. My chest feels tight but - but good? Like- a hug almost. And then…when she…” he blushed, looking down with a shy smile. “When she touches me” he shook his head slightly. “When she touches me it’s like um.. fireworks? Like fireworks beneath my skin.” He chuckled a bit at how cheesy it sounded. 

“And you haven’t fucking nailed her?” Jessie asked plainly. 

Carmen furrowed his brows, glaring at him. “No” he clenched his jaw “I haven’t.” He snips. 

“Dude- you are- pussy whipped with no pussy?! You- you love her, Carmen. You love this chick. I feel like I’m looking in a weird straight mirror - the first time-“ he laughed a bit “the first time I kissed a guy- god. He was so hot. But I had no idea! I had no idea. I really thought that I was just-“ he shook his head “that I was just wanting to befriend him? Or something? But like- I wanted to fuck him. And when I did kiss him? Something unlocked in my brain dude. It was like…like a whole new world. I felt like I knew - I knew what love could feel like? Just ‘cause of that one kiss “ he shrugged. 

Carmen looked at him, arms crossed, trying to absorb everything he was saying even though every fiber of his former self was screaming to take it with nothing more than a grain of salt. 

“Kiss her dude. Kiss her.” Jesse said and sat back in his chair. 

“Well. Although, consensual sexual instances are against the code of conduct to discuss - I am very proud to see you two coming out of your shells. Has anyone else felt… confused in their romantic endeavors and would like to share?” Julie asked. 

Carmen crossed his arms tighter, looking down at his lap. This was quite unusual for him, he was one of the patients to only add what he had to to be credited during inpatient, and during outpatient - only spoke when he really and honestly had to. 

“Uh-“ the super tall girl, Shayna sits up. Carmen was never really sure why she was here. She looked…perfect by all means. Perfect skin, perfect nails, pretty face, long blonde hair, a perfect body by girl standards. Or at least what Carmen had understood of them.

 “Not really the same.. but before I came out? I like…I would uh buy…girl clothes. That I liked. For my girlfriends at the time…” she blushed “and um.. I realized after a while that I liked them. And I wasn’t just..wanting to see my girlfriend in them. And like- it’s not the exact same, but when he said… about how Jesse realized he wanted the guy. That’s how I felt when I finally tried the clothes on” she shrugged. 

Carmen was…aghast. He just simply stared at her. He’d never met- or thought-  he’d ever met a trans person before today. But…Shayna? 

Well- he was wrong because he had met her, they actually knew each other fairly well as far as patients go, she joined the program when he did. When they first met, she’d made a joke about how they were the tallest girl and shortest guy in the class, so that meant they were bound to be friends, since opposites attract - and that earned a chuckle out of him before his meds had even fully evened out. 

“I love the cis-and-confused look- it’s cute” she said and laughed a bit. Carmen blushed, smiling a bit. 

“Not confused- well, maybe. Maybe a little. Y’Just so…dainty? I dunno..” he shrugged. 

“In case you haven’t noticed- mr.little man syndrome- you’re only one out with the cows doing the hay on time in the morning. Ninty percent of the group is your version of dainty ” Jesse teased. 

“Jesse” Julie gives him the look. “I’d assume that means- the rest of you that aren’t out helping with the bales- are scraping out the cow pens? Since Carmen is doing all the hard work according to you.” 

“I’m not girl- fuck no! The second I got out of inpatient house arrest? I walked my happy ass down to Walmart and bought me some blackout curtains. I recommend those to all of you! Oh my god and some ear plugs!! The stupid fucking roosters! Worst 15 days of my lifeee! I’m never coming back here peace and love to you all though. Truly. Can’t stand this cow shit stank ass place.”  Shayna said dramatically, causing Carmen to chuckle a bit.

 He had loved her boldness since they’d met. If Shayna didn’t want to do something- she wasn’t doing it. He learned that the day the staff tried to force her on anti-depressants. One of the main therapists got a Wellbutrin straight to the eye, they never attempted that battle the same way again. 

“We know Shayna you aren’t shoveling scat, princesses don’t do that” Jesse mocked her valley girl tone. 

“Okay! Okay. Alriiiight! Back on track- done with the bickering!” Julie said. “Now that open call is over let’s move on to breakthroughs. This issss-“ she looks at her iPad “ah- yes! D group. So. That makes it-“ he checks her watch “ah- right. 11 days! How are your light tunnel projects going?” She questioned. 

Carmen’s chest tightened, but not in the Syd is smiling or he made Syd laugh way- in the - I haven't done something I was meant to do way. 

The Light Tunnel project wasn’t hard. It was simply one thing you have done that you had wanted to do when you came into the program. And Carmy knew what his answer was, 

Admit how he felt to Sydney. 

Or, as his Therapist- Mandy told him ‘become more truthful with yourself and those you know about how you feel’ because “counting on someone to like him back would put him at square one” he had pretended to understand, but knew that he had to tell her and soon - or he was going to really go insane. 

“ my light tunnel was to talk to my asshole father- but lucky for me I just caught wind the motherfucker finally died thank god. So by default I win and don’t have to be here anymore cause his abandonment was what fucked me up anyhow“ Shayna said jokingly, causing Carm to snort a laugh. He knew she was only joking about the leaving early part, not the father part. Her father was an even bigger piece of shit then Carmen’s was, he had come to learn.

“Mmm that isn’t how it works we know that Shayna. We’ll talk more about this in one to one “ Julie told her and Shayna crossed her long legs, looking out the window. 

The last 20 minutes of the session Carmen sat silently, looking out the opposite window to Shayna, watching the horses running around in the field before they got called in for dinner and just spacing out, thinking about what he may say to Syd. 

“Yo - Carm space cadet” Shayna said before kicking his boot he jumped a bit, looking up at them both and had realized the room since had cleared and Julie was preparing for her next session. 

“Shit.” He said “how long have I been like…like that?” He asked, his cheeks feeling hot. 

“It’s the OCD meds. They get you stuck in a happy thought loop sometimes. Are you just gonna sit here? You wanna do another hour of this with sniveling group a? They got here three days ago.” Jesse said. Carm shook his head, getting up. 

“No- no sorry” he said starting with them outside. Shayna laughed a bit 

“You were thinking of screwing that business partner aren’t you. “ she said, causing Carmys cheeks to go pinker. 

“Shayna shut up!” Jesse scolded, pushing her shoulder lightly. 

“Awwww carmyyy are your feelings hurt little buddy? Do you need a hug? Jesus men are such pussys” she pushed open the doors of the therapy cabin for them. 

“Let me see pictures of this hot chick. If you don’t fuck her I will and I bet I’d do a better job” Shayna teased as they started heading back towards the cabins. 

Carmen couldn’t even process what she said as he felt his breath get caught in his chest, he saw her. She was sitting on the porch of his cabin, criss-cross in one of the rocking chairs as she writes in her notebook. He couldn’t help but stop and stare at the way the setting sun hit her bronze skin, her curls casting intricate patterned shadows on the wood. He felt his heart pick up, his chest squeezing in that way, the way that only happened when he saw her. 

Shayna and Jesse stopped after a few moments when they realized Carm had gotten stuck behind. They both follow his gaze carefully to see what he was so fixed on, like a trance. 

“Holy fuuuck!!! Holy fuck how did I get this lucky!! She’s here? She’s here still?!” Shana asked excitedly, “oh my god- you’re getting laid- tonight” she excitedly skips up to the cabin and Syd looks up, locking eyes with her before seeing Carmen just a few paces behind.  “I’m Shayna! Do you and Carm wanna hang out with us tonight?”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

[cinefairy]

how do I stop feeling sm doubt & that it's impossible to manifest? how do I keep faith?

I've learned abt states in Oct 22 too and I've been (ik we're not supposed to say it like that but) "trying" to manifest going back in time/waking up to a new dream life & i just feel so demotivated bc i rmb hoe blushy & rosie did it in 1 week & 3 days and I just can't stop doubting like what if I just live this like forever and them I get so lost bc im losing faith that i can do this, it's tiring and I did fulfill myself for a few times but I notice myself looking at time even tho I shouldn't :/

stop comparing yourself to othersss you really dont deserve to do that to yourself anon, sometimes you need to take a step back and realise what you’re doing to yourself. when you compare yourself to somebody else it makes you feel like absolute shit. when you compare yourself to somebody else you start to feel unworthy and insecure.

you don’t deserve to feel any of things, you are an individual, a creative a individual who will get through this.

stop worrying about how long it takes to manifest, thats not the point of the law. the point of the law is to look back inside within and BE who you want to be, without asking permission from the world. the point of the law is to make yourself feel GOOD, RELAXED, COMFORTABLE & SAFE.

all of this comes back to love. you need to love what you’re doing, im ngl— sometimes loatumblr can be superficial and only care about results, we have become so cut off from being humans and we discontinue a growing relationship with ourselves, because in general so many people have been focusing on how other people manifested and more specifically how quickly, you’ve been missing out what the law really is all about.

don’t manifest with the intentions to achieve something (its already achieved and done). when you’re fulfilled in a state you stop looking outside of yourself because you know its already.

[lvxybby]

Music Ties (kurt cobain x fem! reader) (pt8) WARNING: this is a very disturbing part! mentions of rape & kidnapping & vomit

Kurt POV: Y/N gave her attention to the TV, watching whatever was playing. i fucking hate it. Television has brainwashed our society into whatever the government wants them to believe...that and i want her attention on me...i really like her....ive always wanted alot of attention from people i like since i was a little brat...i get it mostly cause of my shit-headed father....not even father....my shit-headed dad...he doesn't deserve to be my father...i didnt realise i was so frustrated that i caused my stomach to hurt...i can deal with it...i did for 6 years...i want to be close to her...i dont wanna move away from her at least for a second. i was already so attached to her...but why?...was i afraid krist or dave would hurt her?....no....krist has shelli...but dave....i dont know about him....will he kidnap her...take her away from me?...rape her than eat her kids 9 months later? will he rape her and torture her like sylvia likens?....i didnt even realise i was so scared that i made my stomach hurt. but i can hopefully deal with it...i have for 6 years..."kurt...you ok?" Y/N spoke, snapping me out of my trance of worries. she placed her hand over mine "you look really pale" she said placing her other hand on my cheek. i leaned into her soft loving touch. it was like a mothers touch. "hm" i groaned "nope im fine" i said smiling a tad bit "dont lie to me kurt....is your stomach bothering you?" she asked. "im fine seriously" i said with a stronger tone. she sighed before standing up. "where are your meds" she asked me. i took a deep breath in and sighed. "my dresser..." i mumbled. she left the room to scavenge mine. "need a bucket?" krist asked, causing me to jump. "oh fuck i forgot you were there...i should be fine after i get my meds though" i said chuckling a bit. it felt like hell when i did though. "kurt..your out" Y/Ns voice spoke. she held my empty bottle in her hands. "ill get your bucket..." krist said leaving the room. dave walked in right after krist left. he held the coffee in his hands. the thought of it made me hurl. my mouth grew watery as i tried to keep the puke down as long as i can. krist came rushing back in with the bucket. he placed it down right in front of my face. i began to gag more before i finally puked up all the contents in my stomach. i burned so badly. i was leaned over a bucket puking and crying. very embarrassing. Y/N ran over and pulled my hair out of my face while everyone watched me puke up coffee and blood. it was normal to puke or cough up blood since of my irritation in my stomach. doctors say it IBS but its really a red spot that becomes inflamed whenever it wants. i stopped puking after a few minutes. i sat there on the couch completely drained. "i feel so bad for you" krist said. "shut the fuck up i dont want your pity" i said a bit angered. "well..wanna try to make it to your room?" dave asked "sure just give me a minute" i said panting a bit. i sat there for a few seconds holding my stomach. "ok...im ready" i said. dave and krist got on both sides of me and wrapped their arms under mine to lift me. i couldnt walk on my own since i could collapse at any moment from pain. we stumbled in my room and i threw myself on the bed, which i have been sick in many times. Y/N stood in the doorway watching with worry on her face. i wanted to tell her im ok...but i'd be lying to her.

[somemetallyillbitch]

My love

Okay so I didn't find a fanfic anywhere with him so I am just gonna project my fluffy fantasys in this fic. Also Reader is Harpers kid in this one. I hope you will like it

!!Not prove read!!

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Warnings: fluff, a bit of angst and just comfort, yelling, Happy ending,Herassment, abusive ex tell me if I left anything out

She/her pronouns

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I was in the bar with friends including my mom and her friends. "So tell us more about this mystery man." Lopez said with a smile on her face. No one knew that it was John since my mom was his TO. "Ya like a Name, that would be helpful." my mom added "so you can spy on him ya not gonna happen, and why is it so important to you to find him, he makes me very happy" I say. "And from what I've heard he makes you scream to" Lopez said. Oh she was playing dirty. "what?! Now u really need his name I wanna know who my baby is screwing" My mom said. "Oh that is so not gonna happen and how do you know about this anyways?" I turned to Angela. "I have my sources" she simply said.

We where having a good time when I went to get another round for us. That's when he appeared. My ex. The man who was abusive and absolutly shit. I just prayed to all the gods that he doesn't see me. But that did happen.

"Oh well hello my love, it's been so long" he said with a smug smile. "yes I wonder why?" I said sarcasm dripping in my voice. "hey you know I dont like ist when you are Sarcastic so cut it out" and with that he grabbed my arm and wanted to jank me out of the bar but I freed myself somehow and came back to the table.

"Hey im sorry but I don't feel well so I'm gonna head home." I said just wanting to get to John, the only man I wanted right now. "Are you okay should I give you a ride?" my mom asked but I politely declined and walked home, or to John. Lucly he didn't life far away so I was there soon.

"John? John im home." I said. "Hey dove, I didn't think you were gonna be back..so..soon, what's going on you seem upset." he said taking my face in his soft warm hands. "I saw my ex again" I said tears welling up "what ex?" he asked afraid he'd knwo the answer. "David." I said breaking down crying in his chest. "he grabbed me and wanted to drag me outside." I sobbed. He just hugged me tight and strocked my back. "im so sorry dove, but you are here now. You are save now, no one is gonna hist you anymore, not if I can help it." we went to the chouch and I sat on his lap hidding my face hin his neck, I want to stay like this forever.

I was so exhausted from all that that I fell asleep on his chest, so he carried me into the bedroom and he layed down next to me and I snuggled up next to him.

A few hours later I woke up from the doorbell, I looked over to John who was asleep like a rock, lucky, I thought. When I went to open it I already regreted it. "Mom? What are you doing here at *looks at clock* 4 am in the morning?"

"I wanted to know if you were okay so I pinged your phone-" "You what?! Why on God's name would you do that?" "you weren't home and I got worried but the bigger question is what are you doing here?" she asked and in that moment John came it "what's going on sweetie who's at the door?" "Amor I love you but you have bad timing sometimes." "Nolan you are sleeping with my kid? She's 21 years old. Shes a baby!" my mom said. John looked very scared so I jumped in "I am not a child I am a grown adult who happen to be with someone older then me and it gives you no right to torment him at work just because I am dating your Rookie, got it?" I said hoping she'd understand. "Mom?" "Alraight but if he hurts you that will be his last day on earth." She stared John down with that comment. "Harper I wouldn't even dream of hurting her" he said while snaking his arms around my waist. She seemed like she wanted to murder him. "Okay okay but don't PDA infront of me got it?" "Got it" we said in uinon. She walked away and I closed the door. "So how many pushups do you think you'll have to do before she's satisfied?" I ask. "Oh my love there isn't a number that will satisfy her, I am dating her one of her daughters so I will get pushups till my Rookie year is over. Now its 4 am in the morning do you wanna go back to sleep or...?" he asked with a smile. "Oh I like your thinking Mr. Nolan." I said and took his hand and led him the bedroom where we kissed and closed the door.

[jinnify]

Hi hello! Could u write up a lil something with Minho and a vball player s/o? Like hes there at every game, practice, and even drives to away games/tournaments- AND HE HELPS YOU PRACTICE OH LAWD- 😫

untitled — lee minho

pairing: leeknow x y/n genre: i dont even know probably fluff, maybe slice of life ? warnings: none word count: 0.6k now playing: lovers rock by tv girl author's note: gosh anonie im so sorry about how late & short & shit this is 😭 i'm definitely going to try and rewrite this later on bc this is not it but you've waited way too long for it.

— “HOW WAS IT?” Minho asked as he picked you up from your academy gym. “I’m sorry I couldn't make it today, sweetheart. I promise I’ll be there next time.” You pouted, reaching over the console of his car to hug him, “nine to thirteen, the other team could tell something was up, I guess.” You felt Minho squeeze you, “No worries, baby. We got another game this Wednesday, and I think this might be your best one.” You pulled back, “I need to get you banned from my practices. You’re starting to sound like Coach.”

“Baby! Wake up! I gotta get you to practice!” you heard Minho yell out as he burst into your shared room, holding a pair of pans he planned on smacking together if you didn’t wake up the first time he called. “Minho! Please, give me five more minutes!” You could hear a strange clanking noise as you rolled over, pulling Minho’s pillow over your head. “Winners don’t sleep in y/n! Winners are at practice showing off their ass for their boyfriend!” Before he knew it, you were running towards him, “wait, baby! I was kidding! I was just  kidding!”

Minho chuckled to himself as he looked over and pinched your cheeks. “Winners don't go to practice grumpy,” he cooed at you. “Minho, I swear if I hear the word ‘winner’ come out of your mouth one more time, I'm going to throw myself out of this car and walk home.”

“Okay,” click, “let’s not do that, actually.”

“Y’know, maybe we need to start bringing Soonie to my practices. Every time I see him before a game, we win,” you grumbled as you looked out the window. “Should I be feeling jealous of my cat right now? Because I feel jealous of my cat,” Minho pouted as he pulled into the gymnasium your team used to practice.

“Alright! Do your stretches! We start in 10 minutes!” your coach yelled as you walked through the side door, frantically tapping his watch at you. Minho immediately pulled you to the bleachers to help you switch your shoes as you put on your knee pads. “You see. You were holding up practice, yn!” Minho teases while he ties up your laces.

“Don’t say that. You know how I feel about being late,” you say as you lightly smack his shoulder. “I’m just kidding, baby,” he chuckled as he pressed a kiss to your temple, “now let’s get started on stretches.”

You were thankful Minho had decided to stay for practice today. Your coach was as tough as ever because of your recent loss. Having Minho there as moral support was the only thing keeping you going. Seeing him pump his fist in the air as he cheered on your entire team warmed your heart.

“You look funny from the back,” you heard Minho chuckle as he walked up while you tried to catch your breath. “Wow, thank you, baby. Exactly what I need to hear after that god-awful practice,” you rolled your eyes as you stood back up. He stifled his laugh as you pushed past him to grab your water bottle. “Okay, I see you’re not in the mood. Are you ready to go home?”

“Actually, do you think we could practice together?”

Minho hesitated before reaching for your hand, immediately interlocking his fingers with yours, “I think we need to rest up instead. You’ve been at it for nearly six hours.” As much as you wanted to continue practicing, Minho was right. You could already feel the exhaustion setting in, and cuddling up next to your boyfriend sounded extra enticing right now. “Fine, but you owe me a session!” you remarked as you made your way towards your bag, ready to pack up all your things.

"How about a cuddle session? Does that count?"

© jinnify — reblogs appreciated

[floralhuqzz]

𝐀 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 (fem! reader x Kai Anderson)

(english is not my first language) <3

WARNINGS: stalker kai

PART 1

I woke up by the sound of my alarm, it was currently 7AM it was time to go to work. I work in a small coffe, shop just about 10 mins from my house. 

I got up and checked my phone, nothing. No messages. Nothing. As i expected. I am not really a sociable person, i dont have that many friends, neither i have a partner. I got up from bed and went to the bathroom to do my usual skin care routine. I finished and went straight into the kitchen when my cat Milo started meowing, like he was asking me to give him his morning breakfast. I chuckled and went to the fridge and grab some wet cat food for him and pour it on his little plate. When i finished with Milo i started to make myself some breakfast as well, I have one hour until my work starts so I have to be quick. I made myself some toast, fried eggs and coffee and sat down while i was reading my favorite book. When i finish i went to brush my teeth and get ready, not forgetting to do my makeup.  

I said goodbye to Milo with a little kiss on his head and i head and took some more coffee with me (im a big coffee lover) I took my keys, my bag and everything i needed for my 5 hour time job. I got out and start walking towards my car while i was too busy scrolling through my phone when i accidentaly bump into someone

“shit!-” i say after i notice i dropped my coffee on the floor

I looked up just to see a tall blue haired guy with coffee all over his jacket

“OMG IM- IM SO SO SORRY” I said still looking at his now jacket covered in coffee

“oh haha, its okay no worries, its just coffee after all, i can just wash this off” he said looking at his jacket and looking back at me

“are you sure?” I said worried and embarrased 

“totally fine haha.. and sorry for you coffee” he said now looking at my cup on the floor

“oh the coffee is nothing” I said picking up the cup from the floor

“I would pay you off somehow but im already getting late to work uhh” I said slightly chuckling 

“oh its totally fine, I was heading home right now anyways so dont worry” 

I must say he is pretty good looking, even with his dirty long blue hair and his jacket now covered with coffee. I feel like ive seen him somewhere but i dont know where... 

“Well then see ya around?” i said smiling and waving at him as i walk away

“see you around y/n” he said looking at me with a smirk on his face as he heads home

i suddenly stopped “how does he know my name?....” i thought to myself while seeing him walk away in the distance.

I head to work and start my shift. The only thing on my mind was that blue haired guy. Does he know me?. Do I know him?. I Certainly dont but, i feel like ive seen him somewhere but.. where?.... 

“miss.. miss?” 

I didnt notice that i was completely zoomed out while a costumer was talking to me

“oh! um- so sorry, that would be 3$ please” i said smiling and a little embarrased

I finished my work around 12 and headed to the supermarket for some groceries. I got inside and starting to look my grocerie list when i bump into someone.. “AGAIN? why is this happening to me” i thought to myself

“oh its you again” a mans voice spoke

“I look up just to see.. “HIM AGAIN? please god kill me” i thought 

It was the blue haired guy?! AGAIN? what is he doing here? is he stalking me or something??

“oh hi, omg i dont know whats wrong with me today im sorry” i laughed awkwardly.

“its completely fine, and hey, my jacket its not cover with coffee anymore” he said chuckling 

“uff im glad, sorry for that again” i said in relieve

“getting some groceries huh?” he asked

“yeah umm... my cat... my cat has no food and i have to buy him some” i said slightly smiling 

“ ohh, Milo? was it?” he asked looking at me dead in the eyes

“how does he know my cats name?... okey this is fucking weird” i thought to myself

“how... how do you know Milo?” i asked kinda creeped out

“oh, im your new neighbour, i moved next to you like what?, 3 weeks ago? and you know,  i asked about you around town and they told me you have a cat named Milo thats all” he said crossing his arms

my new neighbour? how tf i didnt know about this? i know now why his face sounded familiar.

“oh- omg, i didnt know im sorry” i laughed 

“its fine dont worry”

we stayed there looking at eachother with nothing to say. 

“so are you going to ask for my number or are just gonna stand there?” he said smirking

“w-what?” i asked slightly blushing at the question. i did wanted his phone number tho, im glad he was the one who asked

“yeah sure hah” i said unlocking my phone

“here you have it” he gave me a piece of paper 

“see you soon y/n” he winked at me and walked a way

i stood there in complete shock of what just happened. I decided to look at the  the paper he just gave me just to find something he written “see you at my house at 9 today? call me xxx

“wait i didnt catch your name” i said when he turn his head around

“Kai Anderson”

[brickmail]

Let’s talk about it

This is what you said

“omega men & alpha women r the closest fandoms can get to a trans person before they start getting scared…” to which I said a lot of omegaverse is written by trans people and they’re including trans and intersex omegas. Clearly you don’t read much.

You then said “thats where youre wrong because ive given omegaverse written by other queer ppl a chance multiple times and its still weird, convulated, borderline transphobic/misogynistic everytime. i dont know how to tell you this but trans people can have bad taste”… alright trans people can have bad taste but how is it “borderline transphobic/misogynistic” omegaverse falls into three categories omegas are oppressed, this is justified through biology and either is or isn’t being fought against OR everyone is equal.

So if you’re saying misogyny because they justify sexism through that argument doesn’t work for ALL Omegaverse stories. You can say some stories outright get rid of woman that could count if it were true of ALL stories but it isn’t. ANY genre can be weird and convoluted of the author is shit so that’s not a really argument either. And don’t say mpreg is misogynistic that’s actually transphobic.

If you want to quote transphobia it again DEPENDS on the author. Vampires and werewolves aren’t inherently transphobic even though most author don’t write about trans ww/v. Omegaverse doesn’t exclude anyone it’s a bag of tropes. The genders in omegaverse are add ons. If exclusion isn’t the problem then what is? Is it cis men getting pregnant and you feels that ignores trans men it’s not true of every omegaverse as already stated. And why do you hate the notion of cis men getting pregnant go on tell me what’s wrong with it outside of its gross or pregnancy is my squick. Go on I’m waiting actually explain myself. I don’t genuinely believe you know anything about this trope or how it’s evolved.

im going to give you the benefit of the doubt and elaborate on my beliefs even though this ask is insane and youre assuming i have a problem with men that can get pregnant when i am a man that can get pregnant 🫶

omegaverse is often times misogynistic because the works use misogyny trauma porn as a plot point while simultaneously replacing the women who face these issues in the real world with cis omega men. point blank period. this trivializes a serious world issue.

omegaverse is all-the-times transphobic because it blatantly fetishizes trans people, while disguising it by making up entirely new sex designations so nobody has to worry about getting called a chaser. meanwhile, because of this, we are also robbed of actual trans representation and trans stories in fandom. fundamentally, almost any omegaverse plot can be replaced by just making the characters trans. but that would require actually being thoughtful about the interpretations of the characters to not fall into transphobic stereotypes, which cis people do not care to do.

i would even go as far as to say omegaverse is homophobic in many cases! theyre making whether a character is a top or a bottom so ingrained in their personalities it shapes their entire sex. which is weird!! its such a big issue in fandom for people to change a characters entire personality just because they think theyre a bottom which is unrealistic to real life gay peoples experiences. omegaverse only contributes to this.

so, do i think people writing omegaverse are inherently morally bankrupt? no. in the case of trans people, theyre absolutely allowed to choose for themselves what bothers them and what doesnt. if theyre cool with it, good for them! but im trans, and im not, and ultimately that is up to me as the affected party.

[borathae]

Chapter 33

WHERE IS HE??? IM IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN AND U RUN AWAY NOO

the panic is so visible in the writing even though it isnt said out loud

“Yoongi! Please come out!” *he appears out of nowhere, IM PAN *disappers again

THE PICTURE GOSH

KOOK THANK GOD UR BACK of course he is suspecting us 😭😭but bestie litsen oh yeah i dont need to tell u, u already sniffed us

ok mission find yoongi gosh i feel the nervousness and worry also kook's angry at her too 😭😭

oh no wonder jungkook is not feeling great they left 😭😭fuck i already miss jin and hobi, and now yoongi is also gone AND TAE IS STILL IN DOWN THERE

youre not a burden kook, they wanted better things for you

jungkook and oc sitting on a tree k i s s i n g im sorry i needed to say something to ease myself, this is bad, fuck 😭😭

NOT THE TWILIGHT AGAIN 😭😭its so hilarious

ok looks like things are going to be solved it makes me so angry that you are selfish enough to ruin such a chance for me.” aah

“First of all rude, I am scary” 😾as scary as a kitten

I am pretty sure that I managed to help Yoongi turn his emotions back on. And then when I tried to ask him if I did, he panicked and told me that ‘he cares for nobody’ and then he ran away.” summary of previous chapter

“Maybe our story is like enemies to lovers”, you joke. Jungkook scoffs, “you read too many romance books.” shush lemme rot in my chair/bed ALSO IT IS, i mean they were bickering a lot, but i think the real enemies to lovers is going to be taekook (kook u didnt hear this)

“that’s what I imagine real love to be like.” “Acceptance. Acceptance of their biggest flaws. That’s what real love is.” that was beautiful AND ATTACK TO US

“Yeah”, his lower lip quivered, “like really, really bad”,WE GOT NEWS FOR YOU

You have him and Yoongi too. Jungkook feels so loved right now. GOSH I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH

how is it your fault babe no no dont tell me its going to be, fuck great if I didn’t want this stupid oven then we would still have our house and maybe Cookies would still be alive.” ITS THE OVEN'S FAULT it was probably bad

ou avert your gaze to the moon. It isn’t as big as it was days ago. Time, once again, had passed. It makes you sad, it really does, but sitting here with Jungkook does lessen the burden of it a little bit. The world seems so peaceful up here, with the freshly fallen snow on every tree and the glowing lights of the town in the faraway distance. It is so bright too. The moonlight makes everything glow silver, almost as if it was daytime. this whole thing reminds me of tae and im about to cry i love this para tho. i want to see the moon sitting on a tree too

2 WEEKS?? AND HE STILL HASNT COME BACK shit the loneliness is really unbearable, the vibe of them all together is gone 😭 shit poor tae he is all alone, locked up and ik he isnt even counting days cuz he believes he deserves it 😭 is he hearing her?? i hope he does, at least he would get some comfort from her voice

Apparently the body of a Ripper grows weaker faster than that of a normal vampire. fuck thats so fucked up, forcing it on the vampire and not having an escape from this fate

LORD SPOTIFY JUST PLAYED SUPER TUNA 😭😭 WRONG TIMING

“No, I’m screwed”, he sobs, shaking his head vigorously. maybe jin and hobi will be back before yoongi or maybe yoongi will be back soon

“Taehyung?” he scoffs, “no thanks, I’d rather die.” ha 😃if only u knew haha

why are they soo cutely awkward uwuw babies

Now you are standing by the end of the stairs, just three steps higher than Jungkook. You are fumbling with the handrail, eyes racing over his soft features. Jungkook is grasping the railing tightly, rolling his lower lip between his teeth nervously. You think it is adorable how shy he still becomes sometimes. It gives him that beautiful sparkle in his big eyes. this moment would have been one of their pictures if this was a series

THEY KISSED YIPPEEE YIPEEEE YIPEEE 😻🤩😍💖✨🎇🎆

Is that what his sweetheart back in the days got to experience when he was still human and his body wasn’t controlled by those awful urges to rip every living being into shreds? im gonna cry

FUCK GRAVITY FOR MAKING THEM FALL but also thank you for giving that ✨falling✨moment

Oh if only you knew how much this means to him. Oh if only you knew how many decades he went without kissing in such ways. Oh if only you knew how much he wanted to break into tears at this moment.  😭😭 istg i never wanted to kiss a male character this badly ever

“Please take me right here and now”, he pleads. IM LOSING MY SHIT gracefully??, like freefalling spotify is crazy for playing let me love you ne yo before this *plays it again

“Kook your cheeks”, oh no im getting worried

FUCK THIS IS TOO HOT YALL IM GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD

OH HSIT OH NO NO NO KOOK PLS NOT NOW NO ONE IS HERE TO HELP YOU SWITCH BACK SHIT

WHERE IS HE??? IM IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN AND U RUN AWAY NOO

me fr fnadnfas

the panic is so visible in the writing even though it isnt said out loud

gah thank you <333

“Yoongi! Please come out!” *he appears out of nowhere, IM PAN *disappers again

lmaoao Pan is an Pansexual? fajdsjf

KOOK THANK GOD UR BACK of course he is suspecting us 😭😭but bestie litsen oh yeah i dont need to tell u, u already sniffed us

lamoaoa bro really said 👃🏻 you fucked.

ok mission find yoongi gosh i feel the nervousness and worry also kook's angry at her too 😭😭

LIKE why does it hit so much harder when Kook is angry at her?? like please not my pookie wookie kookie :(

oh no wonder jungkook is not feeling great they left 😭😭fuck i already miss jin and hobi, and now yoongi is also gone AND TAE IS STILL IN DOWN THERE

LIKE EVERYTHING IS A MESS AND I'M SAD

youre not a burden kook, they wanted better things for you

YES THIS pleas kookie :((

“Maybe our story is like enemies to lovers”, you joke. Jungkook scoffs, “you read too many romance books.” shush lemme rot in my chair/bed ALSO IT IS, i mean they were bickering a lot, but i think the real enemies to lovers is going to be taekook (kook u didnt hear this)

JFDAJFJ this is not a lie fajdsfja

“that’s what I imagine real love to be like.” “Acceptance. Acceptance of their biggest flaws. That’s what real love is.” that was beautiful AND ATTACK TO US

I ACTUALLY LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Yeah”, his lower lip quivered, “like really, really bad”,WE GOT NEWS FOR YOU

KOOKIE JUST BE PATIENT YOU WILL KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE :(

You have him and Yoongi too. Jungkook feels so loved right now. GOSH I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH

me totoototototooooo

ou avert your gaze to the moon. It isn’t as big as it was days ago. Time, once again, had passed. It makes you sad, it really does, but sitting here with Jungkook does lessen the burden of it a little bit. The world seems so peaceful up here, with the freshly fallen snow on every tree and the glowing lights of the town in the faraway distance. It is so bright too. The moonlight makes everything glow silver, almost as if it was daytime. this whole thing reminds me of tae and im about to cry i love this para tho. i want to see the moon sitting on a tree too

gosh I miss him too 😭😭😭😭

2 WEEKS?? AND HE STILL HASNT COME BACK shit the loneliness is really unbearable, the vibe of them all together is gone 😭 shit poor tae he is all alone, locked up and ik he isnt even counting days cuz he believes he deserves it 😭 is he hearing her?? i hope he does, at least he would get some comfort from her voice

LIKE THE PAIN IS REAL

Apparently the body of a Ripper grows weaker faster than that of a normal vampire. fuck thats so fucked up, forcing it on the vampire and not having an escape from this fate

I really said "pain is on the menu" when I cooked JJFASDJ

LORD SPOTIFY JUST PLAYED SUPER TUNA 😭😭 WRONG TIMING

lmaoao byeeee

why are they soo cutely awkward uwuw babies

hehehehehh they're so stoooopid

Now you are standing by the end of the stairs, just three steps higher than Jungkook. You are fumbling with the handrail, eyes racing over his soft features. Jungkook is grasping the railing tightly, rolling his lower lip between his teeth nervously. You think it is adorable how shy he still becomes sometimes. It gives him that beautiful sparkle in his big eyes. this moment would have been one of their pictures if this was a series

gah please this is so sweet!!! thaadasdafsafj

THEY KISSED YIPPEEE YIPEEEE YIPEEE 😻🤩😍💖✨🎇🎆

ME FR

Is that what his sweetheart back in the days got to experience when he was still human and his body wasn’t controlled by those awful urges to rip every living being into shreds? im gonna cry

i'll cry with you 😭😭

FUCK GRAVITY FOR MAKING THEM FALL but also thank you for giving that ✨falling✨moment

jsfjds me

Oh if only you knew how much this means to him. Oh if only you knew how many decades he went without kissing in such ways. Oh if only you knew how much he wanted to break into tears at this moment.  😭😭 istg i never wanted to kiss a male character this badly ever

OKAY I LOVE THIS ENERGY??? OMGMGM

“Please take me right here and now”, he pleads. IM LOSING MY SHIT gracefully??, like freefalling spotify is crazy for playing let me love you ne yo before this *plays it again

like no joke. he is actually so fucking hot

“Kook your cheeks”, oh no im getting worried

:-)

FUCK THIS IS TOO HOT YALL IM GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD

:---)

OH HSIT OH NO NO NO KOOK PLS NOT NOW NO ONE IS HERE TO HELP YOU SWITCH BACK SHIT

:---------------)

[fearowkenya]

Ocean Wave, Part 2: A Winding Current

“I was curious.” Dracmon fidgets idly with the little golden loop near the spike on his right wing. “Somethin’ about you drew me in… and I couldn’t walk away. When we fought together, it felt right. More right than anything I’ve ever, ever felt. And now… I just want to be with you.” Dracmon wasn't always by Kaito's side. Which begs the question: part 1 - footprints in the sand Who was he, before the arrival of his other half? part 2 - a winding current And what was he doing, on that fateful day?

Part 2 covers the moment that Dracmon and Kaito met for the first time. once again, tumblr dot shit hides posts with external links in tags, so the ao3 link is in the source.

EDIT: fixed formatting on ao3 - indentation on mobile should look better now. extended authors notes under cut!

SO there was a TON of ideas that went into part 2, mostly stemming from, as i've mentioned, me being mad that kaito and dracmon were the only ones not to get a fancy champion evo sequence on-screen. i said in my authors note on ao3 that as i was playing, i just assumed it happened off-screen, but then i asked myself "what if it didnt?" and the answer i came up with was "maybe dracmon could already innately reach champion" and then i worked backwards from there.

next - aesthetic changes to dracmon. i am a HUGE sucker for digimon being matchies with their partner. before dracmon met kaito, i think all of his eyes were red, both the ones on his face and the ones on his hands, and the ones that are green only became that way after meeting kaito and devolving from sangloupmon. it's kind of like in tamers when beelzemon's eyes change colour after he makes amends with his partners. i also made changes to the accessory situation - after meeting kaito, instead of the little chain with the green gem in the middle, dracmon would have piercings on his wingtips that are the same shape and on the same side as kaito's. i have like... a written list of all aesthetic changes across all stages for all the partner digimon at this point (except for renamon and gabumon - still thinking about those ones) so i will accept any invitation to blabber about them! i LOVE that shit, i cannot emphasize that enough!!

formatting this time was a little less intense - i only had one table i needed to work with, and tbh, most of my formatting issues were about indentation. im actually not really a fan of the standard ao3 formatting patterns, where there's double spacing after each paragraph and no indentation. i much much prefer how it is in most novels, where there's no double spacing and every paragraph is indented. i know people tend to be fussy about formatting in fics, and most of the ones ive seen use the double-spacing no-indenting situation. it's understandable, formatting is something i'm fussy about as well, so im trying to strike a balance between the way i like it and the way i've noticed that most others like it.

i like indenting. i use it to like... give a sense of flow to conversations and/or differentiate/shift between spoken word and narration. the vibe im trying to give when i increase indentation from line to line is that the conversation speed is picking up. im not sure how well that was conveyed, but i think it works all right.

once again, like in alligators, i left some deliberate loose ends. the most obvious one is "if that first tether pulling dracmon toward the ocean wasn't kaito, then what was it?" and listen. dont even worry about it (:

as im replaying the game, im noticing some really interesting stuff about the state of the digital world. in like...part 7, i think, there's an optional free time event where you can recruit a tentomon, and it mentions that a lot of other digimon have been behaving aggressively lately. paired with the fog, i think that what's happening is that the shrinking digital world is causing a lot of digimon to have to live in close quarters, and that a lot of them are "young" in the sense that they're still feral and incapable of speech or reason. that, plus the continuous spread of the fog, would make for a really hostile environment for the remaining areas of the world. im quite happy with the theory i've got that digimon might sometimes lose a bit of memory every time they regenerate. if you subscribe to that idea, the unusual aggression among the wild digimon makes a lot of sense - they're all young, they all keep getting exploded and forgetting what's going on, theres this terrifying fucking fog EVERYWHERE, which just feeds back into wild digimon being more on-edge, and therefore more aggressive. thats why tsumemon is a little unsure of hanging out with koromon at first in part 1 - it's a dangerous world for little guys!

this is kinda connected to why i have the digimon half of the cast crossing paths with one another. tsumemon and koromon have met, yeah, (even though they don't remember anymore) but also i think a few of the other characters have met too. i didn't linger on it, but kunemon was in part one of ocean wave , albeit very briefly, trying to warn dracmon about seadramon lol. Now Why Would He Do That? again. don't worry about it (:

and at last - what's next? i mentioned in another text post a few days ago that ideally id like to go back to some shuuji and lopmon stuff. ocean wave set up some context about a couple of things i want to explore about shuuji and lopmon's relationship, as well as some . hmm. alternate events. and what effect those alternate events have on the two of them. "what do you mean" dont worry (: mostly it is just me self-indulgently fixing a few gripes i had with truthful route's part 6. i'd also at some point like to post some doodles of aesthetic changes. i have a few sketched out but they're very messy lol

anyway wow this was a big ol comment post. thanks for reading this far !!