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#dunno if this is a good fusion but i enjoyed making it
human-wof-designs · 1 year
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🧬 qinter fusion
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he'd be like. the most insufferable bisexual you've ever met
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not-a-space-alien · 4 months
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Magnanimous Moonrise & Savage Sunset Chapter 25MS
For this chapter, I thought it wouldn't add much to have two separate narratives. So this one is a fusion chapter! MM and SS are like this 🤝 Hope you enjoy!
Story masterpost
Note: this is NOT the end of the story, but we are getting close to a break in the narrative. I expect there will be 2-3 more chapters in this part!
Warnings for this chapter: Some casual misogyny, classism/racism(?) (if you consider "human" a race)
In this chapter: Getting away with murder, an important announcement from the director, and maybe possibly potentially getting through to a shithead teenage boy.
***
“Can we at least turn the television on, so he’s not just alone with his thoughts all day?”
Ari looked from Valen, sitting on the couch with a look of concern on his face, to Sebastian, still locked in the coffin nearby.  She sighed.  “All right, fine.”
Valen gave a joyous little wiggle, as though he really wanted to watch TV.
Ari took the remote and flipped the TV on.  It was on a news station.
“Do you have access to any nature documentaries?” he asked, excited.
Ari handed him the remote.  “Knock yourself out.  Just don’t buy any of the pay-per-view shit.”
She left the two vampires in the living room to go talk to the other humans in the dining room.  Bailey and Jerome had changed into their pajamas.  “We’re gonna hit the hay, okay?” Bailey said.
“Yeah,” Ari said.  “We all had a long night, but you two went on patrol, so you go first.  I’m gonna wake you up around four so me and Lex can take a turn, though.”
The two men absconded to use Lex and Ari’s bedroom.  “So I guess we just have one more day with Valen,” Lex said, sounding sad.
“Yeah,” Ari said, trying not to care.  She bumped Lex with her elbow.  “Come on, let’s go make the most of it.”
Valen was flipping through the channels when they came back in.  Sebastian had been watching the TV, but as soon as they came back in, he turned away, pretending not to be interested.
Ari plopped down on the couch, putting one arm around Valen.  “How ya doing, buddy?”
Valen gave a quick, nervous nod.  “I’m doing well.  Thank you, ma’am.”
“Good.”  She gave him an awkward pat.
Valen fidgeted with the rubberized buttons on the remote.  “So, Nick…”
“We took his body back to the base,” Lex said.  “We made it look like Sebastian killed him.”
Ari glanced at Sebastian.  “You don’t mind, right?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes.
“Thank you,” Valen said, hugging his arms around himself.
Lex scooted closer.
The phone rang.  Ari groaned.  “All right, here we go.”
She got up and answered.  Valen clung to Lex and listened tensely.
“Yo.”  It was Cyril, one of the other hunters at the base.  “What the fuck happened to Nick?”
“Huh?” Ari said.  She’d been practicing the lie.  Just to make sure.  “I dunno, he finally grow some balls?”
“He’s fucking dead!”
“God I wish.”
“Bitch, he’s dead for real!”
“Really?”
“Yeah!  What happened last night when you came to drop off the coffin?”
“Oh.”  Ari let out an audible grimace.  “We didn’t actually go out last night to return the coffin.  We just told Nick we would to get him to leave.  He showed up to our house, and-”
“The fuck you mean you didn’t go out?”
“We didn’t go out, shithead!  Nick came over to harass us at our house, we told him we’d come over later to get him to leave, then we stayed home because fuck him.”  This was perfectly in character with the way they typically interacted with Nick and shouldn’t draw any suspicion.  “I didn’t fucking kill him, although I kind of wish I had.”  This with a wink at Valen that made the vampire flush and sink deeper into the couch.
Cyril could be heard cursing on the other end.  “So you didn’t see what happened?”
“We were at our fucking house, dumbass.  We didn’t see anything that wasn’t at our goddamn house.  I was fucking my girlfriend last night.”
“Jesus Christ.  You dumb cunt.”
“How’d he die?  Like what happened?”
“How do you fucking think?  The damn vampire he wanted to play with killed him.  I guess after that old one was weak for so long, he forgot a fresh one would be, uh, dangerous.”
“Right.”  Ari stood stone-faced for a minute.  “Well, anything else?”
“Uhhhhhhh-”
“I’ll take that as a no.  Don’t bother me again.”
She hung up.
Valen dashed forward into her arms, and she hugged him.  He couldn’t believe it.  They really thought it was okay that he killed Nick, and he was going to get away with it, and then tonight he was going to get to safety, to go home.
“Put a hold on the waterworks,” Ari said, and Valen wiped his eyes.  “You’re okay.”
Valen went back to the couch and sat primly, hands on his lap.  He looked over at Sebastian, feeling pleased with himself.  “That man who hurt us is dead, and we don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
Sebastian looked relieved despite himself.
They passed some time watching a nature documentary with Valen before the phone rang again.  Ari let out an even more exasperated groan.
She ripped the phone off the hook.  “What?”
“Ariana,” said a very serious voice.  “This is Director Griswald.” 
Ari straightened up.  “Ah?  Hello?”
Valen clung to Lex once again, all his nerves returning.  The director.  The boss vampire hunter.  Surely he wouldn’t be able to hear Valen, right?  He wouldn’t be able to tell Valen was there somehow, right?  Lex held him comfortingly. 
“You’ve heard about what happened to Nick?”
“Yeah,” Ari said, more nervous than she had been lying to Cyril.  “Hear he got burned playing with fire.”
“I’ve been informed you were expected to see Nick last night to drop off some restraints for the new vampire.”
“Y…Yeah, we were supposed to, but we ended up not doing that.”
“Why not?”
“We…  I’m sorry, Director G, we just really don’t–didn’t–like Nick, we didn’t think it was very important.”
She waited tensely for his response.
“All right,” he said, finally.  “It's not like Nick didn't have any restraints, and he knew how to keep the new research specimen secure. So you didn’t see anything last night?  No other information to give me?”
“No, sir,” she said.  “We were home all night.  We weren’t scheduled to go on patrol.  We had a night in.”
The director hemmed and hmmed.  “All right, Ariana.  Thank you.  Please call me if you think of anything or remember anything else.”
He hung up.  Ari replaced the phone, hand hurting from gripping it so tightly.  She let out an exhausted breath and came back over, sprawling out on the couch.  “Well, I think we might have really pulled it off.”
More waiting.  More nature documentaries.  Valen couldn’t seem to get enough of them.
And then the phone rang again.  Ari groaned, screwing up her eyes.  “For the love of-”  She trundled back over and picked it up.  “What?”
It was Franklyn, another co-worker at the hunter’s guild, one they liked better than Cyril.  “Ari, dude!  Director G is on the news!  Flip over to channel 4!”
Valen, hearing the conversation, fumbled with the remote and changed the channel.  Sure enough, the director’s stony visage was visible in front of a mic, as though he were being interviewed.  The banner at the bottom of the screen read DALTON GRISWALD, DIRECTOR, DEPT. OF NOCTURNAL SECURITY, which then advanced to the headline EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG?  Underneath of that was the ticker tape showing which counties had the most recent V alerts–it was always the same handful near the border.
“Thanks, Frankie,” Ari said distantly.  “I’ll call you back.”  She hung up and went to stand in front of the TV.
“-save many lives,” the director was saying, and Lex used the remote to turn the volume up.  “The experiments were certainly controversial, but we had a strong justification.”
“And why didn’t you make the public aware of it?” the interviewer asked.
“There was minimal danger,” the director claimed.  “Except to the staff members handling the vampire, obviously.”
“But how can you claim there isn’t any danger when there’s a vampire running around loose out there now?”
“Our guild members work tirelessly to protect the people we serve.  We’re spending the day checking for all the places where the escaped vampire could have gone.  It’s no more risk than the usual presence of-”
“Mr. Griswald, how can you-”
“Please let me finish-”
“But how can you-”
“No, no, let me-”
“Director, how can you-”
“Please stop interrupting me, Nancy, I’m trying to answer your question.”
The headline at the bottom changed to GUILD SCIENTIST SLAIN.  The director took a deep breath.  “The tragic loss we experienced today was the result of personal negligence, not our program with live vampires.  Nick was a very close, long-time friend of mine, and our work will certainly suffer without his contributions moving forward.  However, I can’t deny the risk inherent in such work, and even if I believe we have a firm justification and the ability to work safely with enhanced security, I can’t deny the public has all the reason to be nervous about it given what’s happened.  Therefore that’s why I’ve decided, starting today, I’m shutting down that work.”
“Yes!”  Lex and Ari stood, giving each other wild high-fives.
“Yes!”
“Yes!”
“There will be no more live captures,” the director continued.  “No one in our organization is prepared to continue Nick’s work, and the risk has proved itself to be too great.”
The interviewer made a face.  “There you have it folks.  We’ll be right back with more after the break.”
Ari flopped back onto the couch.  “Fuck yeah.  Fuck.  Yeah.  We did it.  Those jackasses really think Sebastian got loose while Nick was alone and killed him and ran off.  And they're not going to torture anyone else because of it.  Fuck yeah.”
Valen gave a few excited wiggles.  “We did it!  Haha!”  He tried not to think about the fact that no live capture program meant Lex and Ari would have killed him when they first met.
He glanced over at Sebastian and noticed how very unhappy he looked.  He didn’t seem angry anymore.  Valen turned back around, hands on his knees, thinking.  “Um, Ari?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think…  we could try letting Sebastian out again?  He looks a lot calmer now, and he still has stab wounds.  That can’t be comfortable.  He’s just been sitting there with them the whole time.”
“Oh.  Uhh, yeah sure I guess.”  Even she had to admit Sebastian looked kind of pathetic.  “Long as you can keep him under control like you did before.”
Valen nodded.  “I’ll handle it.  Leave it to me.”
Valen once again unlocked Sebastian and took him upstairs to the bathroom.  As soon as they were alone, Sebastian started crying, letting the tears flow freely.
“Oh, it's okay,” Valen said, handing him a tissue.  “You're all right.”
“I'm not all right,” he snapped.  “I'm hurt and hungry and-”  He'd been about to say scared, but caught himself just in time. 
“Let me help you,” Valen cooed.  “It'll be all right.  We're going home at sunset.”
Sebastian burst into fresh tears.  “I failed.  I failed.  Mother and Father will be furious with me.  Priscus doesn't have a worthy heir, and now my father doesn't either.  Everyone is going to blame me for the family’s predicament.” 
Valen took Sebastian's hands, firm and cool.  “You're under a lot of pressure.  It's not fair of them to expect so much from you.”
Sebastian brought his hand up to his face and wiped his eye on his shredded sleeve.  “But-but I'm purebred nobility.  I'm better.  I'm supposed to be better.  Better than commoners, and especially better than humans.”
Valen smiled at him and squeezed his hands.  “Listen to me, Sebastian.  When everyone wants you to be something that you're not, it hurts and it's okay to be sad about it.  And it can be hard to see through it to decide what you want, but you don't have to want the same things for yourself that your parents do.  There are lots of people out there who will love you even if you show up empty-handed.  There are people who will love you for showing up empty-handed.”
Sebastian scoffed.  “Who?  You?”
“There are more of us than you might think.  We're just not very visible.”  It was hard to tell Sebastian that when Valen had felt so, so alone as a direct result of trying to be more true to himself.  But he knew it was true.  It had been the thing to give him hope and courage.
Sebastian averted his eyes, sniffling.
“Come on, let's get you cleaned up, and I'll put some bandages on you.”
Valen helped Sebastian wash the blood off himself, then started wrapping him up.
Sebastian kept his eyes averted as Valen wrapped the wounds he'd inflicted on Sebastian’s arms.  “So…those humans really aren't your thralls?”
“No, they're not.  I'd consider them friends, if they want to call themselves that.”
“Did they lie to keep us safe?  Is that what they all meant about that guy on TV?”
“Yes.  They saved both of us from a horrible fate.”
“Okay, but why me? They're not friends with me.”
“They didn't want to see anyone at all condemned to such a fate.  They thought you could be saved. They're kind.”
“Well, that's stupid.”
Valen smiled at him faintly.  “And yet it's why you're here.”
Sebastian looked deep in thought.  Then: “What do you drink if they're your…friends.”  He said it like he still thought it was a bit ridiculous.
“They've been letting me feed on them because they didn't want me to go hungry, same as I kept you from attacking them because I didn't want them to be hurt.”
“I know how friendship works.  I'm not five years old.”
“Sorry, I'm-”
“You're not my mother.  You don't have to dote on me.”  He ripped his hands out of Valen’s.
“Do I have to be your mother to be kind to you?”
Sebastian's face almost broke.  He could count on one hand the number of people who'd been selflessly kind to him, with no ulterior motive, who weren't his mother.  “Well, it's stupid.”
“Come on,” Valen said gently.  “There's no one here to impress.  You can try being nice.  I won't tell anyone.”
“It's weakness.”
“It might feel ridiculous at first, but in the long run it makes me feel a lot better.  Maybe it'll make you feel better, too.”
Sebastian didn't make eye contact.
A few minutes later, the pair of vampires approached Lex and Ari in the living room.  “Sebastian has something he'd like to ask you,” Valen announced.
Lex turned off the TV.  Ari sat up straight.
“This is humiliating,” Sebastian mumbled.
“Go on,” Valen said.
Sebastian turned even redder, but he finally looked at Lex and Ari.  “I am very hungry.  May I please have some blood?”
Ari’s eyebrows shot up.  Lex looked delighted.  “Of course!  You can have some of mine!”
“Uhh…are you sure that’s a good idea?” Ari said, even as Lex slid off the couch towards Sebastian.  “Considering how much we dumped on the floor?”
“It’s just one time,” Lex said, waving her off.  “I’ll be fine.”
Sebastian reached out to grab Lex’s hair, and Valen smacked his hand away.  “Ah-ah-ah.  That’s not how it’s done.”
“That’s how it’s done where I’m from.”
“Well, we aren’t where you’re from, are we?”
Sebastian lowered his hand, once again looking chastised.  
Lex extended her arm out.  “Go ahead and bite my wrist.  It’s okay.”
That wasn’t how it was supposed to go.  Sebastian was supposed to bite her neck, as a sign of his dominance over her.  
But as he lowered his head and tried to make himself gentler at Valen’s direction, he found the blood quenched his thirst all the same.
***
Sebastian was still behaving himself at sunset, so they didn’t shove him back in the coffin for the drive to the border.
The border.  Valen could scarcely believe it.  The border, the thing he’d been trying to get to non-stop for the past few months.  The safety he’d only been able to dream of.  It was just being handed to him.
The van’s tires rolled to a stop in the dirt at the expanse of trees that filled the border.  Valen’s boots crunched over sticks, and he hauled his backpack out behind him.  Sebastian had been bundled up in a hooded jacket to hide the bandages and wounds he seemed self-conscious of.
“Well, here you are,” Lex said.
“Go on, get outta here,” Ari said.
Sebastian started walking towards the border.  Valen hesitated.
“One more hug for the road?” Lex suggested.
Valen nodded.
Lex came over and hugged him.  After a moment, Ari came up and did as well.
“You can come back, you know,” Lex said softly.  “I know it’s been… rough, but-  You’re always welcome here.”
Valen patted her back.
Ari finally broke the hug.  “Hah, I doubt he wants to see our sorry asses ever again.  Go on, big guy.”
Valen adjusted his backpack, looking unsure.
“Hey!” Sebastian shouted in the distance.  “Are we going or what?”
“I’ll call you to let you know I’ve arrived home safely,” Valen says.  “And I’ll… think about it, Alexis.  Thank you, both.”
With that, Valen turned and ran off, far faster than a human could ever hope to catch up.  Lex and Ari turned and wordlessly continued to hug each other, letting themselves cry now that no one was watching.  
***
Tag list <3
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@annablogsposts
@cc1010foxy
@darlingwhump
@dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night
@dokidokisadness
@emcscared-whumps
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@writereleaserepeat
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pogostikk · 8 months
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Info dumping rn cause I can’t seem to draw anything and I needed to engage in my au somehow.
There’s a lot I’d like to draw in my au that I haven’t been able to, particularly how Steven would entertain himself on Homeworld. He’s a small human in a giant palace with no purpose to busy himself with, of course he gets up to things when he’s not with Star.
And this was stuff he did before Connie, she had no idea how good at sneaking around Steven was till later.
Obviously it would be hard to get around without being noticed, I think Steven also wouldn’t enjoy the gawking stares when he wasn’t being picked up and brought back to (Star’s… Quarters? Chamber? I dunno) his room. But also occasionally some gem would get brave and be like oh wow Star’s “pet” is so adorable let me go say hi! Which is also uncomfortable bc who wants to be dehumanized?
Anyway getting off track here, Steven would be able to get around by going through secret pathways that led pretty much anywhere, I’m calling them the Pearl Pathways for now. I got inspired by the servants’ staircases, which were in Victorian houses of certain sizes. Apparently they were used because servants were expected to be out of sight when they were moving around (I haven’t done much research). Which is messed up, but I feel like gems would have a similar opinion of pearls. So I broadened the concept. And I think Steven would totally be allowed to enter them. Orchid probably introduced him to all the local pearls, and they could understand his experience of needing/wanting to stay out of sight, so he became a bit of an honorary pearl and was allowed entry. Which btw, pearls aren’t allowed to explore any hobbies or have any fun, so I imagine they get by by sharing all the tea they gather from standing by their gems all the time. And Steven totally gets to hear all the gossip, he knows all about the “scandalous” fusions, and the opinions of higher ranking gems that would never be spoken otherwise. If he was desperate and needed something done, he’d have blackmail. Lol
I honestly think Steven could befriend anyone, and with all those secret halls, I bet he found his way to those sentient gems made into architecture. The show never talked about them much, but I think they were harvested gems used to build the palaces or something of the like. I bet they get bored. And I bet they enjoy Steven’s company and laugh at all his corny clown jokes.
When Steven isn’t traveling the palace talking to pearls or architecture gems (I don’t know what else to call them), I honestly think he’d be reading. Orchid definitely taught him gemglyph. So he’d sometimes just read up on gem reports or the empire’s history on his (organic-accessible) screen.
And then when he gets bored of doing that he’d go find Star and beg him to hang out with him. And Star wants to hang out with Steven, he really does, but he can’t afford to neglect his court and god forbid anger the other diamonds. So then Star would see if Spinel could hang out with Steven. And that’s like a last resort because they kind of trouble they could cause could be catastrophic.
Steven is a total extrovert and overall just loves getting to know people. Star is the exact opposite, he doesn’t enjoy talking to people much but I also wonder if introversion and extroversion would even exist in gems? Like I bet they have their preferences regarding socializing but do they have like levels of energy that is based on how much they interact with others? Either way, Star isn’t a big fan of big groups of ppl or making tons of friends, he’s just a workaholic and his work involves talking to tons of gems. He doesn’t mind Steven’s presence though. Sometimes he’s not up to chatting endlessly or even hearing Steven go on talking from subject to subject (he can be up for it tho and it happens), and they’ll just do their own thing in each other’s company.
Anyways I’m done ranting now, if you made it this far congrats I hope this was somewhat entertaining.
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fnaffersblog · 9 months
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Alright take two.
Spoilers for the sun and moon show episode
the sun and moon episode RUIN Sun TRAPPED Moon in VRCHAT LOLOLOLOL See link above
It's late and EVERYTHING is funny
(Trigger Warning Below Cut for: discussions of violence [Bloodmoon, Jigsaw], discussions of mental health [Sun], swearing, [because I'm incorrigible])
I'll be honest I do NOT like the name Jigsaw. I just simply do not like it. It's just not clicking with me for some reason. It sounds like the name is still up in the air in the show as well, but I hope I settled with it real quick if it does become the canon name for this dude.
I couldn't tell you WHY. It's just not sitting with me yet, which is bothering me because it's such a silly reason to dislike the appearance of a character. Especially since I REALLY like this guy.
yeah ya'll are right. Moon's concern for Sun's wellbeing is endearing
More of a gripe with Security Breach, but they missed an opportunity to call the game Glampire. I mean, come on. It's right there!
I try very hard not to be someone who nips about stuff on the show but the 'watch to the end to see...' is... really annoying. I've had to click off a couple videos because I was just... I dunno, they struck me the wrong way? Like, I'm already watching the episode? I want to watch the episode? I don't want to watch the episode when that thing pops up, makes me feel like I'm being told my attention span is not long enough or something. It feels kinda... insulting? But it feels dumb to call it that. It's just something I'm perturbed by. :/ I feel like I saw someone else mention this somewhere, maybe here or in the comments of a vid. So I hope it's not just a me thing.
I wonder why they started doing that? Maybe people were only watching so far into the videos? I'd be genuinely interested in seeing the analytics of the channel. I know that's not an option lol, but I just like data and looking at data. Correlating it to decisions and stuff. ANYWAY
I've also never understood peoples, like, people point out the cameras a lot as being shorter than normal or taller than normal or shakier and ascribing that to being a character when it just always felt like camera work to me. Cause, you know, it's VR CHAT, they gotta work with what they got.
But I did kind of understand this episode, because all I could imagine as Moon was walking through the Arcade back area was Ruin/Jigsaw/'whatever their name is when it's cemented in the future' doing that goofy, like, long legged cartoon walk where someone's sneakin' around in like tom and jerry or loony toons.
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or Sims 4 because this is the closest gif I could find lol
THEY'RE SO GODDAMN MENACING RRRRRRRRRGH
They make me genuinely nervous when they TALK it's so GOOD
Like, my heart clenches up you know what I mean?
"THERE'S NOTHING TO SEPERATE" SLAPPIG MY LEGS SLAPPING MY LEGS YESSSSSSSSSS
BOP IT TWIST IT BREAK IT BEND IT KILL YOUR FAMILY FUCK AROUND FIND OUT SPIN IT
LOL THEY DID IT RIGHT AFTER I DID IM WHEEZING
This guy is so. They're SO interesting to me. They're
They remind me of Bloodmoon. But only a little bit. In, like, a similar but opposite way.
so Bloodmoon, like I've said before, was built for killing. It was weaved into their code from the get-go to be violent. But they also enjoyed it, killing people was something they relished in.
This guy also seems to enjoy killing people, but unlike Bloodmoon, if they are to be believed, they are a fusion between Sun and Moon. As far as we know Sun and Moon were not programmed with any sort of penchant for violence. There was Killcode, but Killcode was a virus before he gained sentience, and if New Moon is anything to base off of, those violence urges were not hard coded into him. And if the AI is to be believed the only two folks in this particular robot are Sun and Moon.
Which seems to me like wherever this want for torture came from, they developed it on their own. Whether that be because of the events of the Ruin DLC or what, I don't know but I'm super excited to see all that unfold.
They also seem to enjoy it differently. Bloodmoon killed his victims, violently. They seemed to enjoy the viscera and gore of murdering people more than the lead up. After all they liked blood.
This guy is much more patient, all the way down to how they speak. They enjoy causing PAIN. It's a game to them, because it's fun. Their enjoyment comes from the torment before the kill. It's why he describes what he's going to do to Moon, I don't even think they mention killing at all, THAT'S what he enjoys.
"Moon suggest a different game! Moon suggest a different game!" Lol
"Rock a bye baby *doge w/dolphin sounds*" Had me crying.
As Jigsaw was following Moon back out of the arcade, they'd pass into a more shaded area and his eyes glowed which was Really cool and also Really unsettling.
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"We can make them count as limbs" fuck me he's so unsettling
STOP DOING THE POOR SINNERS HAND BIT STOP IT STOP IT
PUT IT BACK ON THE SHELF
WE'RE PUTTING IT THE CABINET
" I don't owe you anything."
"Yes you do! You owe me a game!" Pouty face. (:(
Should have suggested, like, a vocal rendition of Rush E or The Diva Dance from The Fifth Element or something.
I guess... they're robots though. So maybe notes like that wouldn't affect them. Might have set them on fire thought maybe?
Moon's performance was very nice! It really is a good song for his character. It takes a lot of confidence to sing in front of ANY type of audience.
Jigsaw really takes everything in stride. Moon insults him and he doesn't even respond at all.
The lil' nose boop.
The little head bonk.
"I'm yOU remember?"
OOOHHH He does NOT like cheating OOOOOOHHHHHHHH EFFFFFF
I was wrong there are something's he does not take in stride
I
LOVE him. He is shooting way up on my list of characters I look forward to seeing in episodes.
"Well I'm still standing here!" "And I'm way better than I ever was." LOL
You know I can see no cons of creating a portal gun. I think that would be highly beneficial and there would be no terrible outcomes that ignite from the building of a piece of machinery that allows instantaneous travel between two designated locations via breaking the very fabric of space time. Not a single bad thing could come from making something
Yeah okay never mind
(Sorry I gotta poke a leettle bit of fun at the guy who decided making the Newton Star was a good idea thinking making another high-tech piece of equipment is a good idea. I'll make fun of the satellite too, probably, when it comes around don't ya'll worry)
"Ohhhh NOOOoooo DOn't LEEaave ME MOOOnnn PLEEEeaase." As Moon just turns around and walks away
Followed immediately by a fucking jump scare Jesus Christ
But it worked right? It fucking worked, it lulled me into a false sense of security. Like, this guy who was threatening Moon's limbs not seven minutes earlier went into goofy silly clown mode and I fell for it sooooo, like. It worked.
It sounds like this was the first time Moon actually said anything about his trip to another dimension to Sun. So this is being dropped onto Sun with almost no warning.
Sun learned Moon would be gone for a week, and immediately went 'can we hang out?'
He very much needs some support right now. We're, what, a week post-hallucination episode? He needs his support group with him right now, it is a critical point, but he's too afraid to ask for it straight up so instead he's asking around it so to speak.
Instead of asking Moon to stay or telling him what the problem is, he's asking if Moon will play a game with him instead. Hang out. Be in his presence.
There are so many reasons this could be. Perhaps he would feel selfish asking Moon to hold off on completing this satellite to stay with him, especially if he's not comfortable with telling Moon WHY just yet, because if he doesn't offer a reasonable explanation then there's no justification for Moon staying, at least in Sun's eyes. It could be embarrassment over the issues, maybe he feels like he's blowing it out of proportion. Maybe he feels like he's asked or taken too much support already, and outright asking for more will end in not having any support at all.
Any number of things. It's easier to ask now when he knows Moon is 'not busy', maybe even more likely to say yes. And he's grasping for it too, "any random game" he just doesn't want to be alone because he just found out he's going to be alone very suddenly in a time when he should not really be alone at all, whether he knows that or not. He certainly doesn't want to be.
I see people often say that 'the worst thing someone can tell you is no'. They generally mean it in a positive way? I guess? I think Sun is at that point where, yes, one of the worst things you could say to him is no. So even an unenthusiastic 'I don't REALLY want to hang out with you' yes is better than a 'no'. Because a no means he'll be alone for sure, while a unenthused yes still means he won't be alone. Does this make sense? It feels clunky, did I explain this right?
Yeah the demeanor change from after asking Moon about the satellite, to finding out he has to leave for it, to finding out he's not leaving right away, to finding out Moon is going to hang out with him despite not sounding enthusiastic about it (because at least its something, you know?) was a trip.
I know Moon's probably stressed right now too, but the 'isn't there something you wanted to drag me along with' was unnecessarily hurtful.
I feel like we're slowly leaning back into past cycles with these two. Like, Moon not telling Sun about something big and important like that. Sun pushing down problems into something else. We'll see. It's just hints at it for now.
Sorry for the downer boo boo ending to the post ;-;
Maybe the next one will be a bit cheerier?
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quibbs126 · 1 year
Note
hmm... kumidark (kumiho & dark choco) fankid maybe?? 👁️👁️
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I got you bro, this boy is Mallomar Cookie
So I wanted to name him after chocolate covered marshmallows, since Kumiho is a marshmallow fox, and I wasn’t initially going to go with Mallomar, since from what I understand, that’s a brand name, and those aren’t really used in Cookie Run, unless there’s a crossover or something. But when looking at the other names I could find (chocolate kiss, chocolate teacake, whippet), I didn’t think they really fit him, so I just went back to Mallomar
I feel like Choco Kiss could work, but only if it was a fusion
These are mallomars, but I based him more off of just regular chocolate covered marshmallow cookies
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I feel like his hair looks too big and poofy, but what I was going for was his hair looking like tails, sort of like Kumiho, as well as making them look sort emulate a chocolate covered marshmallow. I added the blue because I thought his colors didn’t have enough Kumiho
But anyways, on to this kid, since I have stuff for him
So Mallomar Cookie is a small little kid, but he’ll eventually hit a growth spurt and become large like his father and grandfather. But until then, he is a tiny gremlin
He’s a bit of a mischief maker, but usually gets stopped by his parents. Or at least Dark Choco, Kumiho might enable him. But at his core, he’s a good kid, he just likes playing pranks
He’s also a lover of foxes, for probably obvious reasons. I was thinking that the fox whiskers on his face might be painted, but I’m also considering just making them something he was born with
So I was thinking that the two had Mallomar after Kumiho became a real Cookie, but I’m also considering the idea of Kumiho still being a fox. Like, I want to draw Mallomar hugging a fox, and maybe it could be Kumiho? I dunno. But regardless of whether or not Kumiho is still a fox, Mallomar definitely inherited some fox weirdness. And possibly he might be able to turn into a fox as well? Apparently there’s at least one story of a male kumiho in folklore, so it’s not out of the question. But I imagine Kumiho was convinced they’d have a girl, only to be surprised and have a boy
Oh, also to explain that picture of him with the glowing eyes, another consequence of his heritage (which could just be Kumiho’s fox magic, but possibly left over influence of the Strawberry Jam Sword) is that Mallomar has the power to basically mind control people when they look into his glowing eyes. He can’t really control it yet
But yeah, I think that’s it for Mallomar. To be honest, I really like him, I might draw him again. I wanna do like, a whole sketch page with him
Hope you enjoy!
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inevitably-johnlocked · 9 months
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Hi dear librarian! 1/? I was wondering if there's a term to describe a phenomenon that plagues so many films nowadays and partially responsible for the downfall of BBC Sherlock and MCU: it appears that the creators/screenwriters are afraid of or uncomfortable dealing with strong negative emotions. It's very obvious in Sherlock S3,S4, and MCU after Infinity War. They immediately interrupt an emotional scene with a quip, joke, or a solution. It really disturbs the plot flow, emotional buildup,
2/? and the tension of the show. E.g., in Sherlock S3E1 the reunion scene and the underground scene, in S4 the ghost Mary non-stop quips before the emotional hug. In S2, they really shouldn't have revealed Irene or Sherlock survived immediately after the event. I don't know what the writers were afraid of. Without a proper buildup, the resolution doesn't feel satisfactory. I'm very happy that in GOTG 3 they avoided this problem and it's probably the only MCU film worth seeing recently. 3/3 Another example is the Thor series. I know Thor 1 has many plot flaws, but they got the aesthetics right and with a Prometheus type of self-sacrifice, it feels like a proper fusion of technology and mythology. But later they wrote Thor as a laughing stock for his depression and in his own 3rd and 4th film, every remotely serious emotional scene was undermined by something. Just why?! That's part of the reason people say MCU doesn't feel relatable anymore. Thx for reading and stay cool!
Hey Nonny *HUGS*
Thank you for this insightful ask, and my answer is essentially this: shareholders and studio meddling, and probably bad writing by people who think they know better. A lot of the MCU, for instance, is SO boring and repetitive right now because they're too afraid, it seems, to stray from "what is safe", stuff that won't have people bitching at them, or they're trying too hard to recapture what made the Infinity Saga so amazing. They spent TOO long being praised and in turn stopped trying so hard, and under Chapek, dude was a greedy bastard who worked Feige to stress. I'm glad that they pulled back, it seems, and I hope it stays that way, hopefully so they can make new movies up to the quality of GOTG 3 again. Studios like Dreamworks and Indie studios are taking risks, and it's paying off, because people are bored with the sanitization of Disney and Marvel. Everything has to have no true villain in Disney.
That's not to say I don't still enjoy Disney, I do, but Marvel as-of-late has put out more flops than fantastics. And I suspect some of it is studio and shareholder meddling. It's a miracle Gunn got to do what he wanted for GOTG3, and I'm glad he did. With Thor 3 I feel like Taika got raked over the coals because he had to follow whatever plan they wanted for his vision. I dunno. Marvel for me is so hit-and-miss these days.
As for Sherlock... I think part of it was BBC meddling and another was ego-tripping, because Mofftiss continually put out winner after winner of seasons, so they thought, because just the TWO of them got an Emmy for TAB, well, they're good enough to get it for a WHOLE SEASON! (which, for the record on my opinion, I think Mofftiss are better at ONE SHOT episodes, not an entire series on their own... they run out of ideas and then throw whatever their weird fanboy fantasies want, and without a third writer to reign them in, we get S4). So yeah, that's what I mean by bad writing as well. I BELIEVE Moffat or his wife owns Pinewood Studios that they film in, so like... it's literal studio meddling, LOL. But yeah sometimes a writer or director can also be too big in their britches, and whatever they say, goes.
So yeah, I dunno. It's honestly a mix of everything and fatigue with the unoriginality of content these days. I think that's why I don't really watch anything anymore unless a trailer REALLY grips me, or it's recommended to me by a Lovely. I stick mostly to old-faves because I know I won't be disappointed, or fandom-related content.
What do y'all think?
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yergink · 1 month
Text
So while I don't see myself ever finishing this fic at this point, I still want to put some of it out there.
Here's some slightly disconnected scraps of my sci-fi fusion ofmd au (mostly inspired by Lethal Company) all consolidated in one place, in case there was interest.
Corporate billed their scavenging positions as an opportunity to enjoy peace and quiet out in the lost frontier of space. Ed couldn’t help but fucking laugh any time he saw one of those pamphlets, because that description couldn’t be farther from reality. 
---
“Q17, eh? You don't see these models in circulation much anymore, what a beauty. You must take good care of her.”
Ed crossed his arms. “Yeah. I make do.”
The man’s grin twitched. “Oh, sorry!” He held out a black-gloved hand. “Stede Bonnet.”
Oddly fucking chipper for a flight inspector. Ed took his hand in a firm, but curt, shake. “Ed Teach.”
---
“I used to fly, but only recreationally.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. There’s no real piloting required on our end, it’s all automated. You just plug in routes, and the ship takes you there.“
Stede frowned. “Well, that sort of takes all the fun out of it.”
Ed blinked at the bluntness of his statement. “Yeah. Yeah, it does," he agreed.
---
“I can’t figure it out,” Ed said into the dark. 
The ship’s whiny fucking air filtration system kept whirring, refusing to allow any silence to follow his words. 
He could hear Stede shuffling in the bunk above him. “Figure what out?” he asked, after a moment. 
They were separated only by a slightly sagging metal panel and one ridiculously thin mattress. Ed’s nose was practically pressed to the underside of the upper bunk. 
It felt like too little distance, in honesty, but somehow, it made him feel less guilty to pry when they were like this. While he didn’t have to meet Stede’s eyes.
“What it is you’re running from,” Ed answered. 
He heard more rustling, and suddenly Stede’s head popped into view, over the side of the opening. He’d moved abruptly enough for Ed to startle, which he did, clanging into his sleep cubby’s metal back wall with a barely repressed, “Fuck—”
“What makes you think I’m running from something?” Stede asked. 
In the dark, he couldn’t really make out what sort of expression Stede wore, and even then, Ed couldn’t hold his gaze. He watched the blinking light on the terminal monitor mounted to the opposite wall instead. “Dunno if you knew, but no one takes this sort of job when their life’s going well, mate. Every scrapper I’ve known’s been running from something.”
Stede hummed. “Every scrapper?”
“What I said.”
“Does that include you?”
Ed paused. The silhouette of Stede’s head cocked to one side. 
There hadn’t been any snark, or malice in his asking, Ed realized. Just genuine curiosity. 
When Ed didn’t answer right away, Stede continued softly, “The scavenger contracts last five years, but you’ve got logs dating back a lot longer.”
---
The factory was a goddamn maze of looping service corridors. Tentatively, and after some discussion, they decided to split up to cover more ground.
Ed was sitting on the ground unscrewing the door off a storage locker, one hand on the radio to guide Stede through the process of taking apart a winch crane he'd excitedly discovered, when the line went dead.
It wouldn’t be enough to cover it, to describe the feeling like being dunked in ice. Static buzzed suddenly from the speaker where there was once life and voice, and Ed may as well have been jettisoned into fucking space.
The task at hand evaporated. He was on his feet in an instant—flashlight, tools, all abandoned on the soot-stained ground.
“Stede,” he said into the transmitter.
No answer. Just more static.
Ed’s heart started fucking racing. The stupid alarm on his visor flashed an irritated red about it.
He'd started running before he realized it. Like that old shitty jukebox on the ship skipping a record forward, he was sprinting without having made the decision to be, absolutely fucking gunning it back up the metal grate stairs and over the creaking catwalk and into the tunnels where he’d seen Stede off.
The plastic ridges of the walkie groaned in protest from how hard Ed was squeezing it. He pressed the button to speak, managed to bite out between exerted breaths, “Stede, pick up the fucking radio, this isn’t a game.”
He meant for it to be angry, but in the end he just sounded scared.
---
“Ed! Hi!” He sounded…delighted. At ease. Like nothing was wrong, like Ed’s blood pressure wasn’t actively soaring on his account. “Sorry we got cut off. One of these pipes burst and I suppose the steam was thick enough to scatter the signal. It’s sorted now!”
“Sorted,” Ed echoed. “Steam pipe. Right.”
He could hear it, listening past his own pulse roaring like gunfire in his ears. The faintest hiss of steam as it flowed through the rusted pipes secured along the tunnel walls.
“Look,” Ed said. “You—stay where you are, alright? I’m gonna come find you. Stay there.”
When the walkie beeped again, there was a half-second of hesitation before Stede said, “Okay, yes, I hear you. Alright.”
Another beep, and a moment of air, like Stede had something more to say. Ed waited.
The line closed again, wordlessly.
So, fine. Safe to say Ed gave a shit. And really, that put it lightly.
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marley-manson · 11 months
Note
Daemons, crack treated seriously, first time, not everyone dies/some live, crossover fusions, crossover reincarnation, Amnesia
tyyy!
Daemons
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
I do love a good daemon AU. I feel like this is one of my more self-indulgent tropes lol because ime daemons usually add very little, they tend to be canon retellings or brief little ficlets that mainly just showcase the cool soul animals rather than anything meaty, but man, I eat it up every time.
crack treated seriously
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
ABSOLUTELY one of my favourite tropes. When a good writer takes a ridiculous premise and really explores the ramifications thoroughly, that's what fanfic is all about man. A lot of my favourite fics fall under this category imo.
first time
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
I'm not really a fan of this trope. For some ships it works all right as a default, but it's never something I'll seek out, and when it's focused on as a virginity or inexperience kink I tend to run - though I do sometimes make an exception when it's an inexperienced top with an experienced bottom, bc I dig the reversal of the usual dynamic.
not everyone dies/some live
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
Hm never considered this as a trope, I'm assuming this is like, as a type of fix-it AU to a tragic/dark canon with a lot of deaths? Because yeah I can definitely be into that. I'm into a few canons where this could be applicable, and I'm down for AUs where some of the characters don't die.
crossover fusions
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
Yeah I often enjoy these, depending on the fusion. I can have a more difficult time if I'm not familiar with the fusion fandom, eg Hunger Games AUs sometimes go over my head, but for the most part they're solid and fun AU concepts.
crossover reincarnation
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
I love that you differentiated between different types of crossovers, bc yeah it makes a difference. I'm not really a fan of these - when it comes to crossovers where characters from two different canons interact, I prefer some kind of handwavey magic/same universe explanation. I feel like it loses most of the fun if the characters aren't meeting for the first time with their own unique histories, but rather half are just born into the other canon in an AU way.
amnesia
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
This really depends. I really dislike amnesia as a trauma response (sorry Mash, you did it well but I'm still not that into it), and I dislike buried memories that reappear for drama (sorry Mash), and I really really dislike it as a plot device to insert stuff into a character's backstory or explain away continuity issues.
But I can definitely enjoy amnesia when it's used for character/relationship study - eg a character hits their head and acts unlike themselves and we discover which of their personality traits are deeply ingrained and which are more of a put-on, and/or we get to see how their partner reacts. And I am an absolute sucker for a specific amnesia trope in which character A makes friends with/takes care of an amnesiac character B, and A and B are enemies.
Send me a Trope and I’ll rate it!
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mcdannoangelwolf · 1 year
Note
McDanno! Because of law enforcement I'm curious of what you'd do with Arcanine/Growlithe
Ahh finally posting this story. THank you to my amazing Alpha @merlin-wolfgang-trades-hale for the prompt. I loved writing it.
This story could technically be part of my future Pokemon/H50 fusion as it features Pokemon from Steve and Danny's teams in my Pokeheroes series. However I have no idea where it would place in the story as I don't know the full universe yet lol.
Anywho, enjoy everyone. Pics of featured Pokemon, (Arcanine, Luxray, Arbok), can be found at the bottom the story.
 Luxray shooting to her feet broke Steve from his unfocused stare at his computer. He hated the quarterly supply and requisition paperwork. Following her gaze to the bullpen he saw Danny throw open the doors and stalk in.
 Danny’s shoulders were hunched, his face was flushed, and Steve could see a tic going through his partners' jaw where he was clenching his teeth.
 “This can’t be good,” Steve spoke aloud as Danny stomped to his office and stalked inside.
 “Lux.” Luxray chirped in reply before laying back down in her bed. Despite working together, and dating, Luxray still had a contentious relationship with Danny. Steve wasn’t sure why but he’d have to figure it out before he and Danny moved into together.
 Not that they were planning that…yet. Well, they weren’t planning it….But if Steve himself was making some tentative plans for the future…well no one needed to know. Still, Luxray not particularly caring for Danny was an issue. But not one he needed to solve today.
 “Stay put, I’ll be back,” Steve told her before making his way to Danny’s office. Luxray just watched him go out of one eye.
 Steve found Danny at his desk glaring at an extremely wrinkled and slightly torn piece of paper.
 “Bad news?” Steve questioned, rhetorically. It obviously wasn’t good news. In answer, Danny shoved the paper across the desk toward him.
 “ ‘Dear Mr. Williams I am deeply disappointed that my previous attempts to reach you have gone unanswered,’ “ Steve read aloud, “ ‘Please understand that my client is highly motivated and will happily discuss whatever compensation you desire in exchange for the specimen. As a reminder, our current offer stands at-‘”
 “Whoa, that’s a lot of zeros.” Steve broke off at the number listed on the crumpled paper.
 “Almost what I make in a year. Before taxes.” Danny replied scathingly. Steve looked up to find Danny glaring at the paper, a scratched and dinged-up pokeball clutched in his left hand.
 Arcanine’s pokeball.
“This about that article?” Steve didn’t really need to ask as he dropped to sit opposite Danny.
“‘Course it is, stupid fucking thing. Never should have given that fuckin interview. Haven’t had a moment's peace since it was published.” Danny replied bitterly. Steve could sympathize a little.
 The article had been about pokémon in law enforcement. Steve and the Team had been ordered to participate by the governor, it was good publicity she claimed, and while Steve’s Luxray had garnered a fair bit of interest; Danny’s Arcanine had stolen the show.
 Growlithe, as an introduced species in Hawaii, was pretty rare. They had to fight for territory with the Rockruff, Rattata, and Meowth lines so it was rare for Growlithe to be seen, in person, on the islands. Much less an Arcanine. A canine the size of a horse had been a huge hit with the people born and raised on the Islands.
 “Previous attempts? How many times have you been contacted, who’s it even from?” Steve asked, once more looking over the letter. That amount of money, for a pokémon, wasn’t unheard of. Especially for a poke’ of Arcanines pedigree, but Steve didn’t think anyone on the islands would be able to shell it out.
 “I dunno,” Danny sighed tiredly, “A few dozen. Letters mostly, but a few phone calls. I don’t know who it is. Everything just comes from a law firm in Honolulu.”
“Dozen’s,” Steve replied, shocked, “Danno that’s ridiculous. Why didn’t you say anything?” Steve asked and Danny just shrugged.
 “That’s just from this place. I’ve been getting requests from all kinds of folks. Breeders, PokeVets, Labs, and Researchers. Not just from here, but the mainland too. Seems like everyone wants a piece of him.” Exhaustion bled into Danny’s voice and Steve felt shame and upset filling him. He and Danny had been dating for months, how had he not realized Danny was being harassed?
 “Don’t do that,” Danny’s statement caught Steve’s focus, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know because I didn’t let you know. I didn’t want to deal with it. It’s not your fault for not noticing something that I didn’t let you see.”
 Danny’s words; spoken with a wane smile, put a little bubble of warmth in Steve’s chest. Danny knew him better than he knew himself most days. It seemed. Steve smiled in return and got to his feet. He rounded Danny’s desk and pressed a kiss to his boyfriends’ hair.
 “Watch the do, you maniac,” Danny grumbled as Steve stood up. He patted his bulletproof quaff needlessly but smiled up at Steve.
 “I’m in the know now, and I’m taking it from here. Get me everything got, emails, letters, and phone numbers. This is done for.” Steve replied, snatching up the letter as he headed for the office door.
 Danny just nodded at him as he left the room and Steve realized it was a mark of how tired Danny was with the harassment that he didn’t ask what Steve was doing.
###
  Danny breathed a sigh of relief as he checked the mail, finding only junk and circulars. It had been almost a month since Steve had started his one-man offensive against the different folks that had been harassing him about Arcanine. Danny didn’t know what exactly his boyfriend had done, only that Steve had spent days making phone calls, sending emails, and even meeting in person with a few people at HQ.
  A few of the people Steve had brought in had, initially, seemed interested in talking to Danny. He had braced himself each time, he had avoided meeting anyone in person to keep from losing his temper, but each time Steve had herded them into his own office before they could so much as approach Danny.
  At each meeting, Steve had locked his office door and closed the blinds. When the people left they didn’t even look in Danny’s direction. Danny knew he should be worried about who it was that Steve was likely threatening but he couldn’t bring himself to care. All he cared about was that the letters and phone calls had slowly but surely stopped.
 Dropping down onto his loveseat Danny picked up Arcanines pokeball. It was an old ball, faded, nicked up, and dented. It was the original ball Danny had been issued when he was given Growlithe after entering the Police Academy back in Jersey.
 Every cadet was issued a Growlithe when they entered the Academy. Part of your training was to train a Growlithe that would be your partner Poke’. If you washed out your Growlithe was reassigned. If you graduated you were issued a Pokeball and you’d be allowed to formally capture the Growlithe you had trained, imprinting it with your trainer I.D. and biometrics.
 Danny hadn’t discovered until years later that his Growlithe hadn’t been a standard Ditto-bred one. Danny’s Growlithe was a purebred, a dual-Arcanine pairing with a history of rarity-coloring in both bloodlines. A mix-up at the breeding facility had seen his Growlithes egg placed with the ones bred for the Academy. He should have suspected. There was nothing wrong or substandard with Ditto-bred Growlithe but Danny’s had always been a bit…different. A bit faster, a bit stronger, and a bit smarter.
 “Come on out buddy.” Danny triggered Arcanine’s ball and the giant canine, really too big for Danny’s apartment, appeared in a flash of white light.
 “Well big guy I think we might finally be done with people trying to snatch you up for study or breeding.” Arcanine gave a soft ‘awoo’ and padded over to drop onto his back at Danny’s feet.
 “Geez, you really are just a big puppy.” Danny smiled, burying his hands in Arcanine’s thick fur, scratching his chest and belly. Danny kept up his ministrations as Arcanine stretched sleepily.
 Sleep. Sleep sounded good. He was tired. It had been a long day. Danny sat back and looked up at the wall clock, surely it was time for a bed. Blinking hard Danny tried to bring the clock into focus, instead, it just moved more, duplicating and spinning around.
 “Fuu uk somsomtin wrong.” Alarm swelled up in Danny’s chest as he struggled to stand up, his feet didn’t seem to want to cooperate. Making it to his feet made Danny’s head swim and the world went topsy-turvy.
 Pain raced through him as his body hit…something. Everything was spinning, light and color twisting around. Danny rolled, arms flailing, trying to find some semblance of stability. Closing his eyes as his stomach churned and the world tumbled Danny came to rest on…something…something soft and moving.
 “Ar..arcarc we gotgo.” Danny mumbled as the world faded away.
***
 “Steve we can’t…what are we supposed to…tranq?” Voices broke through the pounding and fog in Danny’s brain.
 “We can’t…too…might crush...” Another voice cut in…images swam in Danny’s head. A tall brunette, muscular, tattoos.
“Chaaarr!” The screech directly above him sent a spike through his brain and Danny tried to reach out to smack at the offending cause.
 Tried being the operative word. His arms were pinned behind his back, his wrists cinched painfully.
“Wha…” Danny mumbled, the fog in his brain was clearing but sudden panic-induced adrenaline sped it up.
 “Danny, Danny if you can hear me, stop struggling. Your arms are zip-tied behind your back. Arbok is out and pissed off. He’s circling you. If you bleed it might set him off. Do. Not. Move.” This voice was a woman and Danny was finally able to put a face to it.
 “Ko…no.” The word slurred out, his tongue heavy.
 “Yea, it’s me. We’re trying to find a way to calm Arbok down so we can get to you.” Kono’s words registered through the haze in his head and Danny finally cracked open his eyes.
 The shitty beige carpet of his apartment blurrily took up his vision. He attempted to roll onto his back but was stopped by pressure on his legs and Arbok’s hiss above him.
 Danny didn’t know what was happening. The fog was clearing out of his head but in its place a jackhammer pounded in the back of his skull. Closing his eyes again he tried to think back but all he could come up with were fragments.
 “Arc…where’s Arcanine?” Danny forced the words out, eyes wrenching open in panic.
 “We don’t see him Danno…we…we think he got snatched.” Steve…that was Steve. The same voice from earlier. Jesus…what happened to knock Steve out of his head?
 “Get…Get Luxray.” Danny ordered and felt Arbok, who had been shifting above him, freeze.
 “Lux? Danny, we can’t attack. You could be caught in the crossfire.” Steve replied and even through the headache he could hear Steve’s worry.
 “Don’t need to. Get her…he’s ‘fraid of her.” Danny might not have known what was going on and his memory may have been Swiss cheese but he did know Arbok. He wasn’t going to listen to him like this. He didn’t know where his pokeballs were and the only ‘mon Arbok was afraid of, besides his Blastoise and Pangoro, was Luxray.
“Luxray!” Danny could feel Arbok tense where he rested across his legs at Luxray’s hiss.
“Tell…tell her to circle…he’ll move to avoid her.” Words were coming easier now and he could think a bit more clearly.
 “You heard him, girl. If he gets agitated, back off.” Danny heard Steve tell her.
 “Lux…ray.” Luxray purred and, even in Danny’s obviously drugged state, he could hear the danger in her vocalization.
 Military trained, like her trainer, Luxray was silent on her feet but Danny could tell the direction she was moving by the way Arbok moved to avoid her, while still keeping her in his sight. Slowly, she was able to herd Arkbok off of his legs.
 Once Arbok was fully off his legs he felt Luxray’s paw on his arms. For one dicey moment fear welled up in him, fear that Arbok might lash out, but the feline moved her paw after slitting the zip ties on his wrists. The action took him by surprise and his arms immediately fell to his side, pain lancing through his shoulders as the pins-and-needles of feeling hit his hands and wrists.
 Carefully, to not startle Luxray; who was standing at his side, Danny rolled onto his back. He brought his hands up to his chest, rolling his wrists and flexing his fingers against the oncoming ache, he surveyed what he could see of his apartment.
 The small coffee table and side table were flipped over and two of the couch cushions were thrown off, exposing the hide-a-bed underneath. Coiled in the small entry space between the living room and his dine-in kitchenette was Arbok. The cobra pokemon’s hood was fully expanded and his eyes were fixed on Luxray. To others, the tense snake probably looked poised to attack but Danny could spot his tells, the tight way he was coiled up to minimize his large size, the fine tremors in his hood, the way the tip of his tail flicked. He was scared.
 “Okay GI Jane,” Danny rasped to Luxray, “You did good. Back to your trainer.” Luxray didn’t move, remaining resolutely by his side, glaring at Arbok.
 “Steve, call her off.” Danny turned his head to find the man in question standing just inside the door to his apartment, Kono, Pua, and a few other HPD members behind him.
Steve glared hard at him for a moment, clearly thinking of arguing, but Danny just tweaked his eyebrows at him and Steve relented.
 “Luxray, return,” Steve ordered, gleaming black and yellow Ultraball in hand.
 Luxray gave a final growl before dissolving into scintillating red light and returning to her ball.
 Danny climbed shakily to his feet, waving Steve off as he moved to help, and turned to Arbok. The ‘mon was less tightly coiled, rearing up to his not unintimidating full height, eyes focused on Danny.
 “That’s a good boy,” Danny said as he moved carefully toward Arbok, “Keeping me safe while I was knocked out. But we talked about this. Steve and crew are family, ohana. Remember?” Even after years together, and the most stringent training Danny could give, Arbok could still be aggressive and mistrustful when he wanted to be.
“Chaaaarvok.” The pokemon hissed out quietly, lowering himself to Danny’s height, posture less aggressive.
 “I’m not mad atcha, something went down here; even if I can’t remember it. Why don’t you take a rest, where’s your Duskball.” The mention of Arbok’s ball had him rearing back, hissing in annoyance.
 “It’s here Danny,” Steve called out. Without taking his eyes off the grumpy ‘mon in front of him Danny motioned for Steve to bring it, adding a quiet ‘slowly’ as he did so.
 A moment later Steve was standing next to him, pressing the Duskball into his hand.
 “Arbok, return.” Danny lifted the ball as the beam shot out. For a moment Arbok glowed red but before he could dematerialize he reared back further, breaking the beam in a shower of red sparks.
“ChaaaarVOK!” Arbok hissed violently and Danny’s vision was immediately full of insane superSEAL as Steve jumped between them.
 “Move you goon,” Danny ordered as he pulled at Steve’s shirt, “He won’t attack me but I don’t know about you.”  Steve just shook his head.
 “You didn’t see him when we got here Danny, He was circling you, looking at you like you were lunch. We thought he’d attacked you until we saw the zip ties.” Danny felt fearful at Steve’s grumbled statement for an instant before his brain caught up. Danny moved his hands to grip Steve’s hips and leaned his forehead against his back.
 “I know how scared that had to make you, I know you don’t trust Arbok, but if he was gonna eat me he would have done it immediately after breaking out of his ball. But he was protecting me. He only breaks out of his ball if he senses something is wrong. Something big, trust me, just move to the side.” Steve, tense under his hands, relaxed after a moment and slid to the side.
 He didn’t go far, instead, he wrapped one arm around Danny’s shoulders and pulled him into his side. Danny leaned gratefully into Steve’s side, but also spied Luxrays’ ball in Steve’s free hand.
 “See big guy, I’m fine now. Safe and sound. Get back in your ball until I sort all this out. Then you can come out. I’ll take you for a nice swim and everything.” Danny addressed his ‘mon with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Once again he lifted the Duskball to call him back but this time Arbok hissed quietly and dropped fully to the floor. Before he could react Steve pulled him backward and Arbok slithered off quickly down the short hallway toward the bathroom and lone bedroom.
 “What the hell, you overgrown worm,” Danny grumbled, dragging Steve with him to follow the snake.
 “Danny we don’t have time for this we need to get you checked…out.” Steve’s statement died on his lips as they stopped outside the bathroom door. Coming from under the door was a small trickle of blood.
 Steve immediately let go of him and reached for his gun. Before he could make contact with it though Danny grabbed his wrist.
 “You know how he feels about guns.” Danny nodded toward Arbok, who was now coiled, docile, in the open door of his bedroom. Steve grumbled but didn’t pull his gun.
 “Is that why you won’t go back,” Danny asked the serpent, “Something or someone in here?” Arbok’s only action was to turn and slither more deeply into Danny’s bedroom, eyes glowing in the gloom of his blackout curtains.
 “You don’t have to go back into your ball, yet,” Danny stressed the word harshly, “But stay put.” He raised a slightly shaky hand and pointed at his ‘mon. Arbok gave a low hiss that Danny chose to take as acceptance before turning back to the door.
 “Do your thing, Rambo.” Danny nodded at the closed door, feeling a bit nauseated as he did so. Shit, he really did need to get checked out. The longer he was on his feet the more his stomach wanted to empty itself.
 Steve grimaced, likely at the Rambo comment, and drew his weapon after placing Luxray’s ball on his belt. Danny moved to take shelter in his bedroom doorway at Steve’s glare, only just then realizing that Kono had followed them, as the two of them took up position on either side.
 Danny watched as Kono twisted the knob and Steve moved to thrust it open, only for the door to remain steadfastly shut.
 “What the…something is against it,” Steve said as he pressed more firmly. The door just started to open before someone screamed from within and slammed it shut, knocking Steve back a bit.
 “Fuck this…” Steve growled and before Danny could protest the SEAL stood tall and kicked the door open with all his might.
 Instead of the hail of bullets Danny had been expecting, another, louder, scream came from within. This time accompanied by what sounded like someone trying to climb up the walls.
 Steve and Kono, guns up, rushed in and Danny peered in behind them. There was blood all over the dingy tile of his bathroom and the shower curtain had been ripped down. Taking shelter in his tub was a Hawaiian man in a Team Skull uniform, his leg bleeding through a ripped-up pant leg from what looked like a V-shaped bite.
 “Arbok must have got him,” Danny mused aloud, “His saliva has an anticoagulant.” At the mention of his ‘mon the guy tried to scramble up the wall, backward, only to fall back into the tub when his leg wouldn’t hold him.
 “I’ll do anything, tell you anything you want, just keep that fucking thing away from me!” The guy screamed, pointing toward the door. Danny turned to find Arbok hovering menacingly behind him.
 “I told you to stay in the bedroom,” Danny grumbled at the snake. Arbok just flicked his tongue at Danny before flipping his tail toward Danny’s hand, the hand holding his Duskball.
 “Now you wanna go?” He asked and Arbok just looked at him, “Fine, return.” This time as he was enveloped in red light he only gave a short hiss before he dematerialized back into the ball.
###
  Steve stepped lightly through the hospital halls, heading for his Danno’s room. In the end, it was all very anti-climactic. He left Kono and HPD to get their Team Skull perp bundled up and dealt with while he took Danny to the hospital himself. After being assured that Danny would be okay, he had been knocked out with a gas derived from Butterfree sleep powder, Danny demanded that Steve join Kono in tracking Arcanine.
 Kono, as it turned out, hadn’t needed him. The Grunt, with a severe case of ophidiophobia, had told them exactly where the rest of the Team was holed up. After a trouncing by Chin, Kono, and Pua the other Grunts had given up easily. They returned Arcanine and even dimed out the rich collector on the mainland that hired them to snatch Arcanine for his breeding facility, as well as supplying them with the illegal knock-out gas.
 Steve often wondered why Team Skull continued to operate. The vast majority of them were terrible trainers and all of them were universally bad criminals. The few that Steve had battled that were decent were, he believed, wasting their talent. Especially as members of a wannabe Rocket replacement. They were a problem for another day though. For now, a half dozen of them were sitting in jail, a rich jackass on the east coast was being arrested for an illegal breeding ring, and Steve had an Arcanine to deliver.
 When Steve made it to Danny’s room he found his partner asleep. Quietly Steve dropped down into the chair by the bed frowning at the I.V. stand and vitals monitor. Everything seemed to be in order but he still didn’t like it. Steve dropped Arcanines ball onto the tray table and took Danny’s hand in his.
 “I got Arcanine back babe. He’s right here waiting on you for when you wake up.” Steve said quietly and Danny just slept on. Smiling, Steve leaned back in his chair to wait. He was just closing his eyes, thinking of working in a nap, when the shaking of Arcanines' ball caught his attention.
 As the indicator began to flash Steve lunged, grabbing the pokeball from the table and pointing it at the floor. In a flash of white light Arcanine appeared, stretching his bulk in the limited space of the hospital room.
 “Hey, why’d ya stop hol’ing my hand, we fightn?” Danny’s slightly slurred question caught Steve’s attention before he could scold the canine, who was now curling up at the foot of Danny’s bed. Glad Danny was awake and happy he had saved him from being crushed under Arcanine’s weight, Steve dropped back into his chair and took Danny’s hand again.
 “No Danno, we’re not fighting. I had to get Arcanine’s ball before he landed on you.” Steve replied, smiling when Danny cast a bleary eye around for his poke’.
 “He’s curled up on the floor, safe and sound, and there are several Team Skull numbskulls sitting in lock up,” Steve explained and Danny lay back on his pillows.
 “What’d they wan’ him for? ‘Sides his awesome hair?” Danny queried and Steve had to suppress a laugh. The Butterfree gas must have still been in his system, his carefully controlled Jersy accent was slipping in.
 “Rich guy on the east coast saw the article, hired them to snatch him. The guy has been under investigation for ties to an illegal breeding ring. Arc’s poke’napping will be the nail in his coffin.” Steve explained, he could give Danny the full details when he was more awake.
 Danny gave him a crooked smile and rolled onto his side to face him more fully.
“Coulda tol’em it was a waste of time. Tried to breed him. Females and Dittos. He’s got no interest. The only lady he’s ever liked is yer Pyroar...and thas different. Think he might be gay.” Danny trailed off with a chuckle before snuggling into his pillow, still gripping tight to Steve’s hand.
 Steve just shook his head and settled back in his chair, still holding Danny’s hand. Homosexual behavior had been seen in pokémon, but it wasn’t very common. Steve couldn’t help but chuckle. If that was the case that would just be Danny’s odd luck. Accidentally got a purebred Growlithe, with rare bloodlines, and it evolved into an Arcanine with zero interest in females.
 Not that it mattered, not really. Everyone was safe and sound, Danny was on the mend and Arcanine was home. They could talk more later. Maybe…just maybe Danny would think about moving in with him now. Arcanine gave a quiet snort in his sleep, like he could hear Steve’s pining thoughts, and curled into himself more.
 Leaning back Steve closed his eyes with a smile, deciding to join the pair in a nap.
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moveslikebucky · 10 months
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B F and M, if you will! ❤️
EEE THANK U ASHFAE <3
B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?
Oh goodness yea. So much of my dialogue and interaction is literally things that happen often between me and my husband xD also a lot of the queer longing i put into these fics is rooted very firmly in reality lbr.
F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
I'd have to go with this bit from the Youth Pastor/Bad Boy reverse omens au that I've been working on where they're just settling into their burgeoning friendship and go out for pizza:
“But, if I can wax poetic about this ‘basic pepperoni’, you have to try my ridiculous concoction of a pizza.” Gadriel smiled mischievously at him, continuing to finish his slice, “I was already going to do that, but deal.” Ezra took a bite of the pepperoni, enjoying it the same way he had enjoyed his own slice. “The crust still stands, the semolina flour giving a smooth finish while the cornmeal makes for a nice crunch. The inclusion of cheddar-jack along with the mozzarella makes for a lovely combination of sharp and mild that dances along the palate. The pepperonis are perfectly cupped, holding just enough grease to cut through the acidity of the marinara, which given the rustic texture of the tomatoes and the garlic clove I believe must be made in house, rather than purchased and used from a can. Incredible, five stars.” Gadriel chuckled. “I can’t believe you just did that, has anyone told you that you are incredibly pretentious?” “I’m not pretentious, I just know good food when I taste it,” Ezra said with a huff. “I dunno,” Gadriel drawled sarcastically, “I think maybe someone isn’t quite as down to earth as they want everyone to think.” “Says the man who drinks beer for the first time just to look cool?” “Ehh… point taken.”
M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?
Oh man there are so many that I have sitting in me and Ouida's server xD. A few that I'm very excited about:
A human au where Crowley is a repressed incel who doesn't realize he's gay and wanders into a queer kink bar by mistake on his way to an alpha male grindset meetup at a different bar and meets leather daddy Aziraphale who gives him a new lease on what being a man is about.
A book canon fic where Aziraphale and Crowley's corporations are damaged to the point where they have to discorporate in a battle back in celtic times, but their bodies are in a ravine and they are slowly decomposing because no one knows they're there and they can't off themselves (obviously no one actually dies, I just want the imagery of bodies decomposing together because I listen to too much Hozier).
Another human au where Crowley works at a truckstop and Aziraphale is the big quiet bear of a trucker who frequents the establishment and Crowley is Big Time Horny for him.
Reverse omens Beauty and the Beast fusion but it's specifically The Tiger's Bride by Angela Carter inspired.
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cyraptor · 10 months
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My Tears of the Kingdom Review
Hello, I guess this is a followup to my “Top 20 Zeldas of 2021” list from last year, since I just beat the new Zelda game, Tears of the Kingdom, and now I need to find out where it fits in the rankings. I think this is going to end up being more of a proper review than anything I wrote in that list, though, because I have… well, a lot to say about it. I’ll try not to spoil anything major, but if you want to go in completely blind you may not want to read this.
Before getting into the review itself, let me preface this review by making two statements:
Firstly, I think I played this under the worst circumstances possible. In mid-April I decided to replay Skyward Sword since even though I played it when the remaster came out, I never put it into ~the document~ (long story don’t ask). Still enjoyed it, and had a hankering for more Zelda, so I decided to restart Breath of the Wild, which I got maybe halfway through a couple years ago but never finished. When I started doing this I didn’t actually realize that Tears of the Kingdom was releasing so soon, and I ended up finishing BOTW just a few days before TOTK released. Why this is a problem will become evident throughout this article, but basically, it’s just way too much video games.
Secondly, a sequel to Breath of the Wild, just, like, wasn’t the new Zelda game I wanted. I liked BOTW quite a bit but I thought its formula was just too large-scale and unfocused to act as a template for every future Zelda game. Using its more successful elements as a springboard for a slightly more structured, story-driven, somewhat traditional Zelda game would have been ideal for me. BOTW’s almost entirely freeform nature was cool once but I don’t think it needed to happen again. I’ll try not to hold that against TOTK though.
So let me start this review by just coming right out and saying that this is unequivocally, objectively a better game than BOTW. With one exception, every single element from BOTW has been expanded upon and/or improved in some way. Referring back to my Top 20 list, let’s address my criticisms of BOTW one by one and how TOTK fares in comparison:
1) Weapon degradation and weapon variety. These are both still in the game. There’s still a sort of unnecessarily huge amount of different weapon types (and there’s arguably double the amount since “decayed” and “pristine” variants exist for most of them). However both of these are rendered a little less annoying by the new “Fuse” ability, which allows (read: basically forces) you to fuse a weapon or shield with a monster horn, rock or basically any other item in order to increase its attack power or imbue it with a special ability (e.g., attaching a mushroom to a weapon will cause enemies to bounce off it, attaching a piece of ore will cause it to fire magic spells, etc.). I never quite got a full grasp on how the system works, but I think the weapon half of the fusion just informs how the fused weapon is wielded, i.e. as a one-handed sword (quick swing), two-handed sword (heavy swing), or spear (thrust). And then the fused item determines what type of damage it inflicts (slashing or blunt, basically), I think? So for instance, fusing a spear with a blunt object like a Frox tooth results in a “pulverizer”, which is wielded like a thrusting spear but is good for breaking rocks or armor but not so much in inflicting damage to enemies. Anyway, all this is to say that since you’ll inevitably have a ton of monster parts on hand to fuse, you have way more flexibility in the sort of weapons you can have in your inventory at any one time. This also gives monster parts more versatility than just using them to craft potions as in BOTW. I dunno who was crafting hundreds of elixirs with their stockpile of hundreds of Bokoblin horns in BOTW but it wasn’t me. Oh also you can attach the same sort of shit to arrows as well, which gives them the usual bomb/fire/lightning/ice ability but also you can like, stick a Keese wing onto one to make it fly farther. It’s cool in theory but you also have to pull up the quick menu every single time you fire an arrow, which becomes extremely obnoxious when fighting an enemy that requires tons of arrows. No spoilers but if you’ve played the game you know which one I’m talking about.
2) The cooking system. This is basically the same as it was in BOTW with a few extra recipes. This didn’t really bother me in my BOTW replay after I looked into how the cooking system works a little more. It just wasn’t explained very well in-game in BOTW. And TOTK just assumes you played BOTW and explains virtually nothing about any system present in its predecessor. TOTK adds a nice recipe book that keeps track of what meals you’ve made (or received) and how to make them, though, which is a huge improvement.
3) Enemy variety. Another huge improvement on this front. There’s easily twice the number of enemy types as the previous game. Additions include Boss Bokoblins which are big pig guys who command small armies of Bokoblins and look like what Moblins should have looked like in the last game, there’s flying enemies, there’s returning classic Zelda enemies like Gibdos (with a weird new twist) and Like Likes, there’s new mini-bosses like Frox (which took me almost the entire game to figure out how to fight effectively, but that’s on me) and Flux Constructs, and there’s actual proper boss monsters instead of fuckin Blight Ganon variants. Combat is basically the same aside from the fact that some new enemies require new strategies. I feel like silver enemies showed up way earlier in my playthrough than they did in BOTW. Like a sixth of the way through. And once they do, one silver enemy shows up in every camp and they’re just an utter bore to fight. Even with a reasonably high-powered weapon you’ve still got to whale on them for like 20 seconds while they lie helplessly on the floor. Not challenging, just annoying. Besides that though and the one mini-boss type I refuse to name for spoiler reasons, the monster situation is an improvement.
4) Lack of dungeons. This one’s kind of a wash-leaning-slight-improvement to me. Replacing the Divine Beasts from the first game are… kinda sorta actual dungeons! They’re much more sprawling than the Beasts, although they have a similar completion pattern in that you’re essentially just told to activate five consoles scattered throughout the temple and you can do them in any order and in any way you like. Three of the four main temples are basically open-air and you have a lot of creativity in how you’re able to progress through them, to the point where I felt I was cheating or breaking the game in a couple cases (Fire Temple I’m looking at you), which didn’t actually feel good to me because I feel like the reason I had to do that in those cases is because the “intentional” solution was not obvious! And then the Lightning Temple was inside a building and felt a little bit more like a regular Zelda dungeon, which I preferred. But I also kind of missed the unique mechanisms of each of the Divine Beasts. But also the temples are much less samey. Like I said, kind of a wash, but I didn’t HATE the Divine Beasts to begin with, so it’s fine.
5) I didn’t mention this in my Top 20 list, but it was something I noticed about BOTW on replay. The side quests suck. BOTW has 76 side quests which sounds like a lot but most of them are just “bring me six bear asses, which you almost certainly will have already accrued ten times the amount of by the time you reach me so you can just close out the quest immediately after receiving it,, and i’ll give you a reward of 100 Rupees, which is a pittance in this game”. TOTK has almost 3 times as many side quests (some of which have been upgraded to side ADVENTURES - an in-game distinction I was never really clear on), most are much more involved and more fun, and make the world between the story-related bits feel way more alive and fleshed out. Another huge improvement.
The one thing I think is a downgrade from BOTW is the new sage abilities vs. the old champion abilities. These are the companion-based abilities you get for clearing each of the four main story branches. In BOTW, each had a cooldown of several minutes, but were extremely useful. Mipha’s Grace revived you with full health if you died (useful for casual exploring, but not too overpowered to be useful in brute forcing combat), Revali’s Gale boosted you like 100 feet straight up (essential when exploring), Urbosa’s Fury was a lightning AOE attack basically mandatory for fighting Lynels, and Daruk’s Protection let you take a free hit once in a while. In TOTK, the abilities themselves are a huge downgrade. Sidon’s water shield I never quite figured out outside of the boss battle designed around it. Tulin’s just give you a horizontal boost when gliding (and I guess maybe can blow away monsters in combat, but usually isn’t useful for that). Riju’s is kind of like Urbosa’s in that there’s a lightning AOE but it’s way weaker and you have to waste an arrow to trigger it. Yunobo’s is maybe the one ability that’s an upgrade over his predecessor as you can fire him off like a cannonball and break through huge piles of rocks and shit. There’s also a fifth ability that I won’t mention because it’s kind of spoilery but also because describing it would make it sound cooler than it actually is. The main problem with the new abilities is how they’re activated. Basically after you complete one of the main quest branches, the sage will from that point on fight alongside you as a spirit, using their signature weapons. This is kind of cool and useful although having four or five ghost dudes running alongside you takes away from the feeling of isolation a little bit, but no biggie. But in order to activate a sage’s ability, you have to run up to them and press the use button to queue it, and then press it a second time to actually activate it. The reason this is bad is because in combat, the time when you most often want to make use of these abilities, the sage spirits are fuckin running around and attacking, and you have to go find them. And they’re all the same color so you have to, like, take a second to pick out which is the one you want to use. It’s particularly egregious with Riju, who fights with melee weapons but whose ability is ranged, so you have to run up into the mass of monsters where she’ll be fighting to set up her ability, then retreat to actually use it. The BOTW champion abilities could be used anywhere with a single button press. What the fuck!
So aside from the last bit, that’s big improvements all across the board. And as I already said, TOTK’s just overall an objectively better game than Breath of the Wild. So what’s the problem?
The problem is that a better version of BOTW is practically ALL THIS GAME IS. And at the risk of making assumptions, that seems to be all that it ASPIRES TO BE. A lot of people have dismissed Tears of the Kingdom as being “BOTW DLC” and while that’s an utterly laughable notion from, like, a scale standpoint - this game has easily twice the amount of content of BOTW - when, looking at, like, the TYPE of new content, I don’t think it’s that far off the mark.
So, so much of this game is “here’s all the stuff from BOTW again, just in a different form”. You need to activate a dozen or so towers to unveil the entirety of the map. There’s a gated tutorial area where you get all your Zonai powers, which are conceptually the same thing as BOTW’s Sheikah runes. There’s 120 shrines in which you have to solve puzzles using said powers. There’s four story paths to complete involving the four major races culminating in a dungeon in which you receive a power from a warrior from one of said races, and after these four branches are complete you can face the main antagonist in and/or above and/or below Hyrule Castle. There’s 12 collectibles scattered around the world from which Link can obtain a memory of a past event (TOTK has more interesting memories but the way to obtain them is more boring. P.S. fun fact you can spoil yourself to the game’s major twist almost immediately at the start if you go after all the very-easy-to-obtain Dragon Tears first like I did). And so on. And like, the stuff IS technically new and different, but it’s new and different in the way that Jakku is new and different from Tatooine. Which is to say, not that much.
What seems to be one of the game’s biggest points of praise is the Ultrahand/Zonai Device system, which allows you to build structures and vehicles by adhering different mechanical parts together. This is kind of fun and the physics system is surprisingly robust, but outside of requiring it to solve some of the shrines it’s not too integral a system to the game. Also most other devices become pointless once you realize you can cheaply build a hoverbike out of two fans and a control stick and fly goddamn wherever you want in the whole map (100% necessary to do in the Depths to remain sane imo… more on that in a moment). It’s fun, you can do silly things, but I kind of got that itch out of my system when I played Garry’s Mod 18 years ago. I’m glad people are having fun with it, though, and I guess I’m even more glad they’re able to.
A criticism that sounds like a huge strike against the game but surprisingly isn’t is the fact that the entirety of the Hyrule map is reused from BOTW. A lot of areas have undergone changes as a result of the catastrophic event that begins the game, but for the most part the differences aren’t massive. I’ve compared it to pre- and post-Cataclysm World of Warcraft a few times now but I don’t think anybody I know understands the reference, but it’s a perfect one, so y’all’s loss I guess. One major change in the overworld is the addition of caves - they did a really good job keeping them feeling fresh and distinct from one another and they further cement the fact that Hyrule was constructed by hand by the developers instead of just being generated from a heightmap like so many other open world games. It’s one of those things that’s like, I can’t believe this wasn’t in the first game, it fits in so seamlessly.
If Hyrule was the only map in the game, I think the asset reuse would be a whole lot less defensible, but it’s not. There’s two other levels to the map, the first of which is the Sky, which consists of a bunch of floating islands hanging motionless over Hyrule in a very Skyward Sword-like manner. The largest of these islands by far is the starting area, which is roughly the same size and function as the Great Plateau from BOTW. The islands are otherwise pretty small and sparse. You can get to some using the towers (which launch you like a mile into the air), but some of the more remote ones require you to use the time-reverse ability on pieces of debris that fall from the sky (or if you’re like me and don’t realize this is the intended way until near the end of the game, build a flying bicycle). It’s very pretty up there, with some lovely autumnal foliage and perpetually sunny weather, and you can see the entire map of Hyrule beneath you, which is pretty impressive. There’s a surprising amount of asset reuse among what few islands there are in the Sky, but there’s enough unique content that it again doesn’t bother me that much. It’s the one thing that feels like something truly new for this game, even if it is cribbed from another Zelda. I don’t mind it… it’s nice up there.
What is not nice is the third map, the Depths. The Depths is a massive underground cave that is below Hyrule. It’s huge; the same size as the Hyrule map. In fact, it IS the Hyrule map, for the most part, with the heights inverted (canyons become high ridges and mountains become deep valleys) and anywhere there’s a body of water in Hyrule, it’s represented with a solid wall instead in the Depths. To be clear, I’m almost certain this is meant to be obvious, not, like, some sort of lazy trick. But the entire Depths does feel unbelievably low effort. When you first arrive, the entirety of the Depths is completely pitch black and you have to activate “lightroots” (of which there are 120, located in the same places as the shrines in the overworld) to light the surrounding area and clear the fog of war on the map screen. However, even when the Depths are fully lit, it’s all a dark, gross monochrome turquoise color. The whole thing is riddled with tons of identical copy-pasted spooky trees and roots and rock formations and every single part of it looks the same except for the area under Eldin, which looks the same but also has some lava. Roughly 50% of the floor throughout the entirety of the Depths is covered in “gloom”, which is identical to but distinct from the “malice” from BOTW, which semi-permanently reduces your heart meter if you stand on it too long. Getting around it is a fucking nightmare due to its size and the complete lack of consideration in making it traversible like the overworld. And aside from a Yiga Clan-related questline (which contains the majorly useful Autobuild ability despite being completely optional) and two of the temples, there’s not a whole lot down there besides - get this - all the DLC exclusive and amiibo-activated armor and weapons from the first game (and that reminds me, since I haven’t had a place to mention it elsewhere, there’s only like half a dozen new armor sets in the game, everything else is from BOTW). The other purpose of the Depths is just to be a harvesting area for Zonaite and by proxy Zonai Charges and Crystalized Charges, which act as fuel for Autobuild and for increasing your Zonai Device battery meter (which is all rather poorly explained in game btw). And grinding for that critical shit in this hellhole is misery. God, I hate the Depths. One of my least favorite areas in a game, ever. If you only go down there to fulfill questlines and not to get all the collectibles like I did, though, I guess it might be tolerable. Trying to be at least a little charitable here.
One last thing, and it’s about the story - I won’t be discussing the plot, so no spoilers. BOTW set a weird precedent in that the game itself didn’t really have too much of a story outside of the four Divine Beast quests. All of that game’s “story” happened in the past, and is presented in flashbacks and memories. You wouldn’t think they could (or should) do the same thing in TOTK, but they somehow manage to, which is kind of impressive. The story is more engaging and interesting than BOTW’s imo, and it has some interesting Zelda timeline implications. I don’t really give a shit about the idea of all the Zelda games belonging to a cohesive timeline
I closed out my BOTW review in the Top 20 list by calling it innovative and describing it as Nintendo taking “uncharacteristically huge risks”, and I stand by that. In comparison, Tears of the Kingdom feels like the complete opposite. It’s safe. It does all the same shit again - granted the shit is at least GOOD shit - with very little that’s truly, truly new. I think anyone who disagrees with this is deluding themselves. It’s shockingly un-Nintendo-like. There are a few exceptions (looking at you New Super Mario Bros. U), but Nintendo rarely goes back to the well to quite this degree. The closest thing the Zelda series has had to this is Majora’s Mask reusing most of Ocarina of Time’s assets - but they were used to build a completely new world and narrative. I guess there’s also, like, Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2, but it’s not as if SMG2 reused half the levels from SMG1 with new stars in them, you know? Also both of those examples came out only two or three years after their predecessors! It’s, frankly, hard to see why this game took six years to come out. This doesn’t feel at all like six years of new work. I mean, I guess games take longer to develop now, and I’m anti-crunch and all that, so if that’s how long it took to make this game, that’s how long it took, but… I just don’t feel it’s really reflected in a final product built so heavily off its predecessor, especially when BOTW itself only took I think 3 or 4 from scratch. I kinda just wish those 6 years were used to develop something more, well, innovative. It almost feels like a replacement for TOTK than even a sequel. If you haven’t played BOTW, there’s almost no reason to now, just watch an hour-long “Breath of the Wild - The Movie” cutscene compilation on YouTube.
Having said all that - and holy shit that’s a lot more “all that” than I expected to say - I did enjoy my time with Tears of the Kingdom quite a bit, and probably would have even more if I hadn’t played BOTW start to finish in the weeks preceding it. I’m sure it’s more of a pleasant homecoming than an overstayed welcome to fans who played it years ago and have been hankering for more of the thing they loved. I don’t regret playing it or anything, and I had a lot of fun with it aside from the godforsaken Depths. Maybe just don’t play both games back to back.
Anyway let’s circle back to that Top 20 list and find a place for Tears of the Kingdom. In a world where BOTW didn’t exist, I think it takes its place at #4, and maybe even overtakes Wind Waker at #3. Yeah, for all my negativity, it’s still undeniably that good. But I don’t know what to do on a list with both BOTW and TOTK on it. TOTK is the better game, but does it lose points for lack of originality? Does it take a higher place and BOTW gets knocked down? I don’t know. Who gives a shit. I just wanted to spend 4 hours ranting about a game I sunk like 200+ hours of my life into. No more Zelda, no more open world games, no more video games, it’s time to join the farming commune.
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eyra · 1 year
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🍓 🍑 🍋 🍌 🍏 🍇
A veritable fruit salad! Thanks pal.
🍓 What’s a fic you’ve written you feel is underrated?
Do you know what, I read Curlew Cove the other day and I was like ohhh... that's quite good actually. Like it's weird but I think the writing is quite good.
🍑 If you could make a connection between your favorite character and another work you care about (whether a crossover/fusion or a wonderfully “pretentious” literary reference) what would it be? How would it work?
Here for this one.
🍋 What’s your favorite spicier trope to write?
Oh god see I'm just like a massive prude these days. It's not cute at all and I need to get over myself. I haven't written an actual sex scene in like... years? Have I? Not really, I don't think so. I tried to read Seventeen Hours the other day to see if it was as bad as I remembered and I literally had to close the browser and walk away because I made myself so uncomfortable. It was an aggressively British moment. Anyway I guess read Statten Park and you'll figure out which spicy tropes I enjoy.
🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?
It's barely even a joke but the thing about Cecil being found in a bin still makes me laugh. The bit in A Good League Hence where Remus is trying to figure out whether he's speaking to Clarence or Toots is also a good one. And when Sirius refers to Regulus as his probation officer.
🍏 Is there something you overuse, whether it’s a certain phrase, trope, or piece of punctuation?
YES. Jesus yes. I'm exposing myself here but I mean:
semicolons generally
the word "great" when referring to something large
cottages
old manor houses and sprawling estates (like Beech Hall, Statten Park, Halden Hall, The Ullswater Institute...)
knitted jumpers, oak floors, roaring fires, etc.
Remus's freckles - does Remus even have freckles? I dunno. He does now.
And you can pry every single one of those things from my cold dead hands.
🍇 Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?
I only write AU stuff, so canon scenes are pretty much immaterial to me, but I suppose the thing I'll always write fic about is Remus and Sirius. I dabble elsewhere, but I'm always going to come back here.
more asks
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sillyfudgemonkeys · 1 year
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I think they went with kotone and makoto bc that's what Puzzle and Dragons did iirc; and speaking of how've the p3 and 4 ports been for ya if you got to them? I've heard they're both not that good lol
Yeah I know it's cause of that, and I HATED it when they did that too. But at the time I could give Atlus the benefit of the doubt that "oh it's just a placeholder for a collab!"
I just hate the crisscrossing of canons, it makes it very messy. Because now it's like "well why don't we just use Souji Seta then? I mean at least he has more in common with Game!Yu than Anime!Yu!" Doesn't help that Kotone (and when I say Kotone I mean the stage play only) and PQ2!FeMC don't feel like the same person. I dunno maybe I just need to watch more of the stage play, but Kotone feels a bit more sassy/dry humored at times. Like both can be lil shits but they have a different approach to it.
ANYWAY! As for the ports, haven't bought them yet. Waiting for a sale. 1) No physical means I'm in no rush to buy, 2) Which means I can wait for a sale, 3) I don't have time atm anyway (doing other stuff).
I heard it's mostly P3P that's having issues. I agree with some of the criticisms, it claiming it's a remaster is stupid, cause it's barely a touched up port. I think they should've added the skill inheritance thing (SMT3 did it, was it really that hard/bad to do?). Like I had no expectations of them adding really anything, but you'd think they could do just that. Well....no problem, reloading a fusion in P3P isn't as bad as FES so.... 8U
I stand by P3P is fine, but it should've been called a port not a remaster. Shame Atlus still couldn't do that and pissed on it's grave tho. u_u (if I was playing, I probs still enjoy it)
I also have a nice save file going on my fan remastered emulator anyway so I'd probs just play that just for it's new/fresh experience. If anyone got me, I know P3P modders got me!
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franeridart · 3 years
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Anon said: theres something about your art thats so??? i dunno??? unique?????? like, u don’t have any prominent features to ur art- no exact way u draw eyes or hair- but when I look at it I just KNOW, somehow, that its yours- idk lol im rambling
Thank you so much for this ask, honestly!!! Since changing the tools I use to draw I’ve been feeling like whatever it was that made my style could have gotten lost in the transition, so knowing that whatever it is still shows through means the world to me right now!! ;;A;; bless you!
Anon said: You are the reason my heart has been shattered so many times. (If you didn’t get it, it means you got me into jjk)
God xD I hope you at least enjoyed it? Jjk is a hammer straight to the heart over and over, but as far as I’m concerned it’s all worth it - hopefully you felt the same as you got through it! I’d feel bad otherwise haha
Anon said: Fran! I love ur art sm!! I’m a newbie artist and ur SatoSugu art really /speaks/ to me,,,, idk haha but ur rlly inspiring! ❤️ Anyway could you maybe do a body anatomy tutorial? 🥺 👉👈 No pressure tho!! I completely understand if you have other things to do! <3
GOD ANON I wish I was good enough at anatomy to do something like that for you! As things stand though if I tried to I’d just end up passing all my mistakes onto you, which wouldn’t be good at all orz hope you won’t mind my not feeling up to it - there’s a ton of videos on yt for this kind of things though, made by actual professionals who’ll know how to explain way better than I ever could for sure! And if you’ll ever want to know how I go about smaller things that are more about style than actual rules, than just say so! I’ll do my best to help however I can in that case! And thank you for liking my stsg stuff, it really means so much to me ;A;! <3
Anon said: I just scrolled through your /entire/ KiriBaku tag— It took me about two hours and all I have to say is that I have absolutely zero regrets and I love your art /so much/. Seeing four years of your development is really motivating! And your ItaFushi doods,,,, you draw Megumi so pretty! I was going through a massive art lock recently, I can’t put into words how much you’ve helped me... love you, Fran, have a great day!
Boy how I feel you about the art block anon...... I’m glad my blog could help you through yours though!!! Hope you’ll have a great day filled with a lot of happy sketching too!!! 
Anon said: you should totally make a kamisero fusion !! :D
ouch, I definitely won’t anon, I haven’t touched that au in literal years - I’m glad you still like it though! Thank you!!
Anon said: Did you know that i am literally. In love with your art. Keep it up your amazing
sobs thank you so much! I’ll do my best to keep it up as best as I can!!!! ;;;;; <3
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antigenius · 3 years
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Tag Game (ship yourself)
RULES: ship yourself with another character and create headcanons for how your relationship would be
skaSSA I WANTED TO DO THIS THANK YOU @fanfic-me-up​ !!!
Hm. I was supposed to do this long back so I think everyone’s done it by now. Anyone who sees this, do it if you wanna!
okay, y’all i dunno who to pick from deku or Sugawara but I think relationship-wise??
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It’s Sugawara (JUST).
The moment I meet this man I will fall to my knees and SOB
jk I’m going to pretend that in this scenario, I meet him without any prior knowledge of him.
I’d be intrigued by his pretty silver hair and fall in love with his sweet chaotic energy, and then probably start my tsundere phase.
Yes. Yes I do the whole tsundere thing. But not to that extent.
When I tend to get feelings, I become very playful and childish, as well as simply obnoxious. I think Sugawara would be able to handle my irritating pokes and slaps lightheartedly. I also think he’d be able to pick up that I’m actually just kinda shy.
I’d also be giving him gifts constantly. My family tends to go overseas often, so he’d be brimming with trinkets and souvenirs I thought were cute and he might like. 
“Where’d you get that butterfly knife Suga?” “Oh, from Xavier, he got it for me for christmas!” “And what about those cool volleyball shoes?” “Xavier said he got it because we won our last match!”
Don’t get me wrong, I’d get it for all the others too, but Sugawara will get something exclusively special and cute or personal.
I think he’d confess first, I think the only thing he might like about me is when I’m being caring and kind, taking care of everyone who might’ve gotten injured, nagging them to get their rest and to eat well for the next match, probably trying my best to learn about volleyball despite my height and inability to jump incredibly high like Shoyo.
I think he might like my energy too? Like how I’m suddenly hyper and giddy then I slow down and enjoy a good cuddle. I’m also somehow able to put people in line, so he might appreciate that I suppose? i dunno man I’m not that great of a partner.
I’d also write a personal chant/cheer for the Karasuno team, and he might like that?
He’d also just get the “You can hug Xav at anytime and they wouldn’t mind” privilege straight off the bat. I’m a very affection-starved person, but there are a very random list of people who can actually give me hugs and I wouldn’t mind. Otherwise I get uncomfy :”)
Anyway, when he confesses, it’d probably be as we’re walking home, he’d be walking me to the bus-stop or to my house. He’d stop halfway and I’d look at him with a smile.
“Why’d you stop?”
I’d notice he would be looking down to the floor, the smile quickly dropping off my face as I search his eyes.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“I... I...”
I think it might take him a while to say it.
“I like you Xavier.”
I’d probably malfunction.
“You.. you what?”
“Sorry, if you don’t like me back i-”
I’d actually sob, I’ve never had someone like me back when I liked them before.
“W-why are you-”
I’d pull him in for a hug, sobbing into his chest.
“Godammit, I like you too.”
Life would be PERFECT with this man.
I’m a year below him, so I’m going to assume the same here.
I think our first date would be a bit fancy or really homey, depending on what Sugawara decides. I would enjoy either one, but I know he’d either make me something homemade or he’d spend some of his cash to take us to a nice sushi conveyer or something along the line.
I like cooking too, and I think I’d rub off my malay influence onto him, causing our dishes to turn into a japanese-malay fusion. Instead of just an onigiri, it’d be a nasi goreng (fried rice) onigiri. 
Casual sidenote, I SUCK at cooking, but hell if I won’t try. I think he’d like that about me as well :”)
We’d be a very touchy couple. It’s already headcanoned that Sugawara is one of those PDA guys, and though I’m a little shy in that area, I’m VERY affectionate. 
Over time though, I wouldn’t care and I’d be really all over this man WHENEVER I see him 
We’re like that one annoying couple that is together 24/7. :”)
Though don’t get me wrong, I do love my space sometimes, but I’d almost always have my arms around him, tracing his arms, chest or back, kissing his neck and snuggling into him. That sort of affection is heaven to me.
I’m sorta insecure when it comes to relationships. The MOMENT, the exact INSTANT Suga tells me like “oh your hair feels soft!~” or, “you smell amazing...” I will immediately revolve my life to make sure my routine consists of making myself the same way again. I’ll make sure my hair is ALWAYS soft. I’ll make sure my skin is BABY SMOOTH. I’d wax off every single hair should Suga compliment me on it, which is a curse and a blessing.
I think Suga would catch onto it fast though, since there would be times where I’d be caught not doing it because I overslept or something. I think he’s really observant and would probably notice I wash my hair WAAAY too often than what I used to.
“Hey, you don’t have to do that all the time, I love you, smelly feet and everything.”
That would earn one slap to his shoulder, but I’d laugh. It’d still take a VERY long time for me to be confident in myself, but I’d let loose a bit knowing that.
TLDR; My relationship with Sugawara would be one of those in a dream ones where we both grow and strengthen each other, and we help each other be the best people. We’ll definitely butt heads and have fights, but ultimately I think we’d go really well ^^
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whumpdoyoumean · 3 years
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A Hard Nut to Crack
A/N: Sometimes when you're in a writing rut and make new friends on Discord, you end up writing crack fic. :) This ain't my usual but enjoy! Be sure to check out the (hilarious) stories from the other challengers @tallbisexualwantstobeloved here @do-androids-dream-ao3acc here @call-me-sammy here
xxx
They’re eating noodles outside of the new Japanese fusion food truck when Foggy, after three days of watching in concern and saying nothing because Matt is a stubborn hard-headed asshat, finally decides to say something. He leans forward, lowering his voice just in case anyone is listening.
“Dude!”
Matt freezes mid-slurp, noodles suspended between mouth and the chopsticks in his right hand. His left hand has, for maybe the first time all day, stopped scratching at his chest. “Hm?”
“You’ve been scratching for, like, three days now. Are you okay? Is there--” he lowers his voice even more. “Is there some awful new wound that’s healing under there or something?”
Matt slurps the noodles the rest of the way into his mouth and chuckles. “I’m fine, Foggy. Besides, I have not been scratching for--”
“You’re doing it right now.”
Matt’s mouth pulls down into a petulant frown and he drops his left hand to the table. “I’m fine,” he says. “No more scratching.”
They go back to eating in silence, and it isn’t long before Matt’s leg starts bouncing, fast, shaking the whole table. His left hand is curled into a tight fist, and he looks immensely uncomfortable.
“Matt, come on,” Foggy says.
“I’m fine!”
“You’re grimacing.”
“I’m not--oh damn it.” And then he’s scratching again.
As kind of funny as it is, Foggy feels his eyebrows furrow in concern. “How long has this been going on?”
“I dunno, maybe a week?”
“Have you had any other symptoms? Fever, headache--”
“No, Foggy!” Matt interrupts with a smile. “I swear, I’m fine.”
Foggy takes another bite of his udon miso carbonara and watches Matt with narrowed eyes. He’s said that before. One time he said that and nearly died in the car a few minutes later while Foggy rushed him to the hospital.
Foggy’s determined not to let that happen again.
xxx
The walk back to Matt’s apartment is filled mostly with Foggy talking about various people he knows who have had rashes that turned out to be horrible illnesses--lupus, meningitis, lyme disease, measles chicken pox shingles syphilis--
“I do not have syphilis!” Matt cries, nudging Foggy in the ribs.
“Ow!” Foggy says with a laugh as they walk into Matt’s apartment building. “Okay, yeah it’s probably not syphilis.”
Matt turns to Foggy as he lets them both into his apartment. “Wait, so your great uncle Percy had syphilis? The great uncle Percy that you got your middle name from?”
“He was a great man! Also, please don’t tell any of my family that you know, it’s supposed to be a secret.”
Matt laughs, but it quickly dies off as the skin on his chest flares up again and he finds himself scratching at it once again. It’s been driving him crazy for over a week now, alternating between crazy itchy and stinging, with only brief intervals of blessed relief from both.
“Let me see,” Foggy says, and his voice is surprisingly gentle.
Matt sighs and unbuttons his shirt. He knows there are bumps, some of them probably raw from the scratching, but he has no idea what it looks like, only that Foggy draws in a sharp breath.
“God, Matty.”
“That bad?”
“I mean, it’s not great. I’m calling Claire.”
“Don’t do that,” Matt says, balking at the idea. He’s fairly sure Claire will not enjoy a phone call from them on a Saturday night. She won’t enjoy a call from them any time, but on her night off? Nu uh. The poor woman needs her rest. “I’ll just get some hydrocortisone cream or something, don’t call Claire.”
“It’s too late, I just hit call!”
Matt can hear the phone ringing a second later and groans loudly. He hates that Foggy has turned the keyboard sounds off on his phone so Matt can’t hear him typing anymore.
“Foggy…”
“It’s a video call.”
“Foggy!”
Before he can snatch the phone away, Claire’s voice greets him.
“What did he do this time, Foggy?”
“Nothing!” Matt calls at the same time Foggy says, “He’s got some kind of rash!”
“You--you called me for a rash? Oh, Foggy. That’s what GPs are for! For fuck’s sake…”
“I’m sorry Claire!” Matt says.
“Look, you know he won’t go in unless he’s dying, and even then...Could you just take a look and make sure it’s nothing serious? If it is I’ll drag him to urgent care myself, I promise.”
There’s a long pause, with Matt contemplating how he’s going to get away with murdering his law partner, when Claire finally sighs loudly.
“Fine, show me.”
“Here,” Foggy says. “Can you see that?”
“Yeah, I can see it. Does it itch at all, or hurt?”
“Uh, kind of both,” Matt says. “Mostly itches like crazy.”
“Have you gotten any new soap lately, or laundry detergent?”
Matt is taken aback at the question, and it takes him a second to answer. “Yeah. Yeah, actually, the stuff I got at the bodega was discontinued so I had to get their new stuff.”
“I think you may be allergic,” Claire says. “That looks like contact dermatitis. I can get you some cream that should help with the itching and any swelling, in the meantime you need to stop using that detergent.”
“Right,” Matt says, desperately trying to hide his embarrassment. “I, uh, I will do that. Thanks, Claire. And sorry.”
“Yeah, thanks Claire!” Foggy says.
“And?”
“...And sorry.”
“Good. Next time you call me on my day off, someone better be dying. Actually no, you know what? If someone is dying, call 911.”
“Got it,” Foggy says, but she’s already hung up.
And Matt has crossed the room and picked up a pillow, which he launches at Foggy’s head, hitting him dead on.
“Hey!” Foggy cries.
“I told you it was nothing! Lupus, really? Claire probably thinks I’m an idiot. More than before, I mean.”
“It’s not nothing. Your detergent is making you itchy, now we know! And we can fix it so that when we go to court you’re not scratching at yourself and making everyone think the defense has fleas!”
He actually has a point there--not that Matt would ever admit it. “Contact dermatitis is nothing,” he says, purely out of stubbornness.
“Look, I’ve got the perfect thing. Marcy uses them, they’re super eco friendly and hypoallergenic. What you need is soap nuts.”
“Soap nuts,” Matt repeats. “Foggy, what are you talking about?”
“Soap nuts! You just stick ‘em in the washing machine and they clean your clothes!”
“...How?”
“I dunno, ask Marcy! But I’m telling you, they work great.”
xxx
They do not, it turns out, work great. Matt did all of his laundry and not only do they not smell clean, but his gym clothes still smell like, well, gym. He picks up his phone.
“Foggy, I need you to come over. These nuts aren’t working!”
“Uuuuh, look, buddy, you’re my best friend but that’s not something I feel comfortable or qualified to help you with.”
“What? Oh! God! Foggy, no--the soap nuts! They aren’t working! Could you come show me how to use them?”
“I’ll be right over.”
And he is--he’d been in the area, because apparently he couldn’t get enough of the miso carbonara. He comes in without knocking, as usual, and Matt throws a tank top at him as soon as he’s in the door.
“Smell that!”
Foggy gives it a sniff and makes a fake gagging sound. “Oh! Yeah. That is not clean. What did you do?”
“I dunno, I just kinda...threw them in there?”
“Did you call Marcy?”
Matt groans. “If I ask Marcy how to do my laundry she will never let me live it down.”
Foggy chuckles at that. “She would not. We can figure this out! We’re two intelligent, resourceful men, armed with sharp wit...and google. To the washing machine!”
They walk to the little laundry space, and Foggy makes a strange sound in the back of his throat.
“Are...are these them, sitting on top of the washer?”
“Yeah.”
And then Foggy starts cracking up, laughing harder than Matt has heard in a very long time. Matt lets out a confused chuckle, equal parts loving hearing his friend laugh like this again and embarrassed because he has no idea what he’s laughing at.
“What?” he asks.
“Well, I-” Foggy gasps, catching his breath as his laughter wans. “I think I know what the problem is.”
“What is it?” Matt presses.
“Where’d you get these?”
“The grocer on 7th.”
“Well the grocer on 7th ripped you off, Matt. These are walnuts.”
Matt lets out a groan as Foggy starts laughing again. “I need a beer,” he gripes, trudging over the fridge “You want one?”
“What do you think, Matt? Yes! Beer me! You want me to call Marcy?”
Matt sighs as he takes out an extra beer for himself. “Yeah…”
He’s going to need it.
xxx end
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