#during one of the worst times of their live 😅😅😅

[kanmom51]

This one is kind of personal and a lot mushy

(And as I'm writing this, a bit of a rant as well)

*Be advised.😅

Been a bit.

Well, I was kind of busy. On one of those 'once in a lifetime' trips you take to celebrate a big one, this one being my 30th wedding anniversary.

And while I was on this trip (and I am sure to share some pics, cause why not, seeing we got some spectacular ones) I got to thinking about Jikook. Because, who doesn't think about Jikook on their 30th anniversary trip, right?

Let's be real for a sec. Who doesn't think about Jikook ALL THE DAMN TIME?

Obsessed much?

Hell yeah!!!😂

Proudly admitting it!!

Look at those two:

Can you seriously blame me?

Nah, but seriously.

I couldn't help but think about who I am, where I've come from, how my partner and myself came to be, our love and respect for each other, how we fought through everything life swings at you and how our love not only survived all of it but seems to have flourished even more. I can honestly say that I love my husband today even more than I did when we got married. It's a different kind of love. A mature love. A love that survived many trials and tribulations. Some you know of when you tie the knot but many more you don't expect.

And thinking of us I couldn't help but think about those two young men and how they met, what brought them together, how they connected, how they have been through so much together, the hardships, the struggles, the amazingly good and the terribly bad, all making their bond even stronger.

There are those that cannot fathom how 2 young beautiful talented men could be in a committed relationship when they have this whole smorgasbord of beautiful people just wanting to lay a hand on them. Everyone wants a piece of them and here they are in a committed relationship with each other? A long term committed relationship? How ever could that be?

When you love someone to the core, which is exactly how those two feel (people can deny it all they want, but it won't change the facts, these two have chosen each other every single time over anything and anyone else), when you get to know that one person and fall deeply in love with them, know their ins and outs, know their flaws and issues, seen them at their best and at their worst. When they are happy or sad, healthy or sick, elated or furious, and find them attractive through and through, still want to be by their side.

No.

Need to be by their side.

Want to be there when they are happy, share their joy, but also be there when they are sad or down and stand by their side to support them through it (even with and despite all those flaws and issues and difficulties that at times can also infuriate you and basically make you want to ring their necks at certain points in time) there is no love (between partners) deeper than that.

I do know, we all should, that what they experienced and how they are living cannot be compared to us regular folk. Their circumstances are such that they have to deal not only with an industry and society that deems them as 'wrong' (that includes a big chunk of their own fandom btw), but also a lifestyle that is nothing like the one we know or have experienced. The hours, the cameras in their faces close to 24/7 (up until their break and hiatus and even prior to that during the pandemic - which btw is one of the reasons people have gone mad at that point given we stopped getting an influx of BTS content for such a long time), growing up and maturing in the limelight, enjoying the fame and exposure at first and then fighting for privacy and 'anonymity' when you realize there is a price to that fame. None of us have experienced that. Yes, we can find the similarities and by extension make conclusions about them, but at the same time we always need to remember that their lives are different than ours and that we cannot always hold them to the same standards of behavior that we are used to in our own lives and relationships.

This is beside the point that every relationship is different. I will just say this. A healthy long term relationship is built on 2 or more (I ain't judging) individuals that stand as their own person and chose to be with the other/s. They don't necessary have to have the exact same interests or likes. What they do need is to love, respect, trust each other and understand that part of that is allowing your significant other to do what they love, even if it means doing it without you. Even if it means doing it with someone else. You all know where I'm getting with this right? Going out with others, travelling with others, drinking with others, spending time with others, choosing to spend time alone without your significant other, none of them diminish from your relationship if indeed it's building blocks are solid. And brace yourselves (well, those that are in long term relationships know this already...), but all of the above actually helps maintain your relationship. Can make it better and stronger.

I've been lurking a little on SM, even while away, only to find that once again, or should I say still (surprise surprise... NOT) there are those that are doubting the bond that these two young men have. It's solos and cultists trying to create an alternative universe in which JK and JM are not close and even distanced (some would love for them to actually hate each other - good luck with that psychos). Or it's once again those insecure 'Jikookers' that seem to need that constant affirmation from a real life queer couple that most certainly will not be giving them that. I keep asking myself why is it that a couple like JM and JK need to constantly prove they are together (all while they actually can't come out and say it due to their circumstances - industry and society they live in), when a heterosexual couple, say Zendaya and Tom, for example, are not expected to? How come a blurry clip (which I still say is fake) released at a very suspicious point in time, together with other obviously edited clips and serious claims of misconduct that are clearly made up and were intended to cause JK harm, have more of an impact on them than years and years of interactions, talk, actions (including just before the clip was released and after it as well)? And now another blurry clip that people are going all crazy over. Like seriously, what is wrong with people? Is the lack of content driven them mad? No drama so we need to create it? Well, thing is that when you are in a healthy committed long term relationship there is not much drama. That's the way it is when you are settled and happy and know who you are and who you love and know that they feel the same about you. Arguments, disagreements, bad days - sure. That's life. But at the end of the day if people want drama they should go watch one on TV.

So, how do I put it to make is as clear as possible?

These insecurities we get from some of the fans, they work like clockwork. Every single time, in the past, when we didn't get much from the two there were these whispers and question marks regarding their relationship. Not even if they are still together, but down to the core of their bond, as to even question if they are close or friends. This phenomenon goes way back.

But since end of 2021 beginning of 2022, when they were on their break and later the hiatus into 2023 it blew up like a full on hydrogen bomb.

This got worse after they were assigned their own 'personal' IG accounts and went on their break.

The misconception by many that these accounts were somehow their private accounts that they use to interact with each other, I can't call it anything other than delusional. Sorry not sorry. And if people did not realize that themselves if only from the lack of posting or interaction with whoever, then we had the members themselves telling us that they regularly interact within their own private chat groups. That photos shared on IG with us have been previously shared with the others in those groups. These IG accounts were created to maintain contact between the members and their fans, knowing that the group is going into hiatus and that they will each be promoting their own individual solo projects. Yes, the group Twitter (X) account could be used for that, but there was an attempt to create a more 'personal' connection between each member and Army. These accounts were work, as simple as that, and them reacting to other members or talking with each other through these accounts was not an indication what so ever to whether they were in touch or not otherwise.

At the time, back in early 2022, when people were reeling over the lack of interaction between the two on their IG accounts I tried to explain that a. not seeing something most definitely does not mean it's not there (something those two made sure to prove time and time again over the past couple of years), and b. that the lack of interaction can actually be an indication to them spending most of their time together, as there is no need to comment on another's post when you are right there to tell them whatever it is you want to tell them to their face. Not to mention, and this part is all me, so take or leave it as you will, but some of said IG posts, well, how do I put it? I guess I just say it as it is... some of these photos posted were either taken by the other or they were right there or really near by when it was taken. There. I said it. In any case, the fact that these were the only two not to interact with each other in front of Army's face, out of the whole group, that, to me, meant they were the ones spending most of the time together.

Oh, and let's just address the whole fanservice stupidity surrounding those two once and for all.

If they were all about fanservice, how is it that since that during the break in 2021-2022 and then during the hiatus and their solo endeavors, we were robbed of said fanservice? Wouldn't you expect that the fanservice couple, the scripted couple, be pushed during each other's promotions? How is it that we have seen during these periods of promotions every single other coupling other than JM and JK. Even JK visiting JM during his rehearsals was heavily edited. How come, if we are being sold a fake bond? No JK being forced to go visit JM when performing at the music shows. No JM being forced to do the same with JK. JM paired with Suga for an add for Busan (? that one was really an odd one for me). When did we see them? So yeah, people can scream fanservice all they want, but deep down inside they know it's a crap claim. I won't even go into JK's lives. There was not one ingenuine bone in his body, and that excitement seeing JM's comments, that coquettish behavior while interacting with him (especially during the bed live, OMG!!!), the reactions to the JM centered content he CHOSE to watch during those lives, none of that is scripted nor acted. It's all JK. All him. And JM's reaction when JK shows up at his documentary viewing live, that little butt wiggle in his chair (reminds me of Bam when happy to see his dad/s, as shown by JK), the face lighting up, the genuine worry on his face talking about JK working hard (during another couple of lives), again, not faked.

So yeah, not fanservice.

I digressed, I think.

Let's get back to 2022 why don't we?

On their break these crazy stories of heartbreak and breakup and hate and suffering and god knows what, only all to be thrown out of the window as soon as we got to see the two together again during the Seoul concerts and then LV. Oh LV. That was a wild ride.

Then BTS went on hiatus and the solo era began. And we were getting less and less ot7 content, and once again the insecurities. These ups and downs (you know, the whole JITB party stories about them not being together - that was countered by the BTB that followed a while after), then Busan concert's high, then 2023's downs and ups and downs and ups and fruck it all, I'm sea sick from this stupidity.

Same exact stories were repeated in 2023!!!

Especially after THE CLIP "which shall not be named" dropped.

SAME EXACT TO THE T STORIES!!!

But again, I digress.

Insecurity regarding the two and their bond (seeing they aren't in the public eye) followed by realization that everything is as it was (if not even better and stronger) once we see them together again. And the reason we don't see them together while on break... wait for it... is because they are a private couple living their everyday life, not for the cameras, not for Army, but for THEMSELVES.

Who would have thought.

And when they are together, as in working together, either filming or shooting or performing, well their bond can't be hidden, as much as they might have to wind it down at times (which is mainly not when they are on stage hyped up on adrenaline, lol), seeing that this is still Kpop, with fandoms that feel ownership over them, not to mention them being a queer couple. You know. All the usual reasons.

This idea people have that these two owe us something. That they constantly have to prove their bond, their connection, their relationship. What utter bull.

Anyway, what a slap in the face (for some a good wake up call, for others a well deserved one) the news of them choosing to enlist together was for so many.

Bottom line is, repeated for the millionth time, that these two young men have shown us time and time again that when push comes to shove they will chose one another!!!

I feel like I'm all over the place here. Came to talk about my trip and ended up talking about fanservice and insecurity and god knows what. I guess it's the jetlag (yeah, let's go with that and blame it on the jetlag).

In any case I will go with my favorite saying as of late:

Why this whole long word vomit, you may ask (or you might not ask, who knows, lol)?

What the hell does this have to do with my trip?

Nothing...?

Probably, lol.

But I am going to try to connect the dots. Even if they did make sense in my mind when I first started writing this post and no longer do...

How about the fact that the two chose to take these trips together?

See how I did that? Connecting the unconnected?

Not even going to ask the egg-chicken question here, as I am quite positive it was always about the trips and the show/content for army was the excuse that allowed them to travel 'for work', and a little bonus of content for army when they are away - not to mention perhaps even an opportunity for a soft outing, who knows.

They wanted to spend this time together before enlistment.

We know of at least 3 trips. Connecticut, Jeju and Japan (the Jeju trip may or may not be part of that 'show').

We are yet to know what exactly this 'show' will be. Will it be an actual show, style BV or ITS? Will it be a Vlog? Will we be getting actual episodes or several minute clips? But one thing for sure. Whatever we get, it will be a drop in a lake of the time they spent together. They went on these trips to be together. They shot this 'show' to allow them to be on these trips. This 'show' will give us a glimpse, no more than that, of what they got up to while together. Bottom line - it's about them, not the show and definitley not us.

So yeah, tripping together (lol, as in traveling, just felt like using that fun word, which can mean so much more as well) is something couples love to do, and going on said trips prior to a huge life changing event (let's be real here, going into the military for 18 months, especially knowing that to be able to enlist TOGETHER, they will be placed in one of the harsher units and environments, knowing that even though they will be together they most certainly will not have the freedoms they enjoy prior to enlistment), well that is something they would do as well.

To sum this whole rant up:

I came here to show off some pics from my trip...

If Jikook are allowed to (and god help them all if we don't get that show eventually...), then so am I...

The scenery...

And the wild life

So there you have it.

I managed to talk about my trip and about Jikook all in one long ranty post.

To those that managed to work their way through it I have this to say:

[wellofdean]

Sorry ,for me personally, it has to be out loud acknowledge to even remotely make up for how badly they treated fans over the years, the out loud queerbaiting in one breath and mocking in the next. The in text gay jokes, sexism and homophobia. The digs at their own fans.

They want the credit without having to do it. Again. They want the pat on the back they need to earn it this time.

Years of baiting for views and profit needs a payoff imo. Sorry people downplaying how important the canonization of this ship in particular is just hurts to see over and over. Stop letting them off the hook please. You deserve more. We all do.

It’s important. It does matter.

The cas/destiel hope baiting continued with the Winchesters and that’s why I’m at a put up or shut up moment with Jensen and the writers. He and Danneel kept the hype up every week that the show was airing all the while knowing cas doesn’t even get a name drop. He’s not even hinted at. Mary/john paralleled destiel so many times yet refused to call it want it was.

They could have shut it down week one, they interacted on tweeter a lot during airing and knew what fans thought there was going to be an acknowledgment or hint that never happened. They are smart people, they saw the speculation and hype but didn’t step in with a gentle ‘sorry guys this is about the new crew’ they fanned the hope instead with ‘something big happens’ that was just dean meeting the new team.

Loved the Winchesters as a show, sad it got dropped cause I loved the new cast so much. That said the baiting hurt and wasn’t necessary, the show was good.

Everyone is looking back with rose colored glasses and rewriting history. But things were ugly with the spn team/cast/writers at times. The homophobia was pretty out loud in a way it was allowed to be in the early 00s. They’ve grown and that’s wonderful but it still happened.

They need to earn the praise they want imo. No hate! Glad you are happy! just feels a little unfair to say we should all let them off the hook again and be happy with nothing while praising the benevolent straights. Just my two cents 😅💚💙

I want to answer this sympathetically, because I know it's disappointing that no one has been willing to just say "Dean and Cas are gay for each other" out loud, and I don't think there are many people in this fandom who picked up what the narrative was putting down, and were not disappointed in the finale for LOADS of reasons, only one of them being that Dean never had the chance to acknowledge what Cas said to him. I understand your feelings, my anonymous friend, I really do. I too found the end of Supernatural deeply frustrating, because they managed to erase the meaningful journeys of every single character, not just Dean, though what they did with Dean was the worst. I completely understand wanting them to JUST FUCKING SAY IT. I do. I get you. I simply do not agree.

My argument, which I have made many, many times, is that what you want is THERE in the narrative. They made Cas Dean's ride or die, they made it obvious that Dean can't carry on without Cas -- that the loss of Cas means Dean loses his will to live. That was explicit. They made it clear that more than anyone else, EVEN Sam, Cas is essential to him. They structured the narrative around Dean and Cas's emotional beats. They let Cas say the obvious thing out loud, and then showed us Dean behaving exactly as Dean would in a situation like that -- in the midst of his existential crisis about who he is and whether he has ever had free will, and with the world falling around them -- they showed us Dean unable to speak, unable to respond but overwhelmed with emotion. Like, remember that when Mary died when Dean was four, he was unable to speak? Is it really so hard to imagine that he loves Cas with all his heart? To read love in Dean's watery eyes, and the way he chokes down his heart and begs Cas not to do this? Not to being saying goodbye? I mean... I CAN DO THAT MATH. Literally everything about the story supports it. IT IS THERE.

Fandom always argues: if Cas were a woman, we wouldn't have any questions, so what I am just wondering is, why do we have questions again? Is it because we (homophobically) can't just see it for what it is because it's gay? Because, when it's gay we lose our ability to interpret narrative, and we need to be told, like we are 5 years old, what's happening in a perfectly obvious story? Or, is it a skill issue? Is it because we need the creators of the story to affirm our interpretation? We need the actors to just TELL US what they meant when they did that thing with their faces? Do we need their permission to understand it for what it is?

I've said many times that calling what happened on Supernatural 'queerbaiting' because no one ever made out or fucked on the maps table is really offensive to me actually. Don't you know that there are queer people in this world who never get to live their truths? Who just ache and yearn and want, and never get to have? Like, that there are in fact queer people who are afraid to say what they feel, or who don't understand or embrace who they really are and what they really need until it's too late? Are those not QUEER EXPERIENCES? I love Dean and I love that story because it's queer as hell and it makes ME feel seen, because I am like him! I am a queer person of his age who didn't ask myself those questions seriously enough in time! My own queerness is very fucking real, and it is UNLIVED. That HAPPENS to actual queer humans, and like, it's not queerbaiting when it's just queer, but didn't tell you the queer story YOU wanted it to tell. You saw years of tease? I saw years of choices, and love, and accretion of deep wells of emotion. I saw a clear romance, and a character becoming. It was a story I needed, AS A QUEER PERSON.

And the Winchesters was just joyful if you went in with that understanding of the previous story. It was like getting an A+ in Supernatural week after week from Dean himself. I can accept that the stars didn't align for Cas/Misha to come back in the first season, accept that if he were coming back, it needed to be more than a cameo to make it right, and that it didn't work out. I am so sad it was cancelled, but I can accept that it was leading someplace it didn't get to go. That's not queerbaiting, either! It's telling a story that was aborted, and I think if you don't see that, then that is DEFINITELY a skill issue.

I'm not looking back with rose coloured glasses; Supernatural is fresh in my mind. I watched it again without the internal pressure of expectations that aren't going to be met, and let it tell me what it was really doing all along. I am happy. It's a really compelling, deeply romantic, deeply queer story. I don't need permission from anyone involved to think that, and I don't need it explained to me. I understand wanting it to just be fully explicit, but I would not trade the story it did tell for a simpler, less engaging one, that asked less of me. I love it very much AS IT IS.

And, please: point me to this fabled abuse of fans. I have never really seen an example of it that is not easily debunked with a little bit of context.

[writersblockiskillingme]

The Sound Of The Woman Who Loved Her | Katniss Everdeen

Pairing: Katniss Everdeen x fem!reader (District11!reader)

Summary: Katniss needed to survive her games no matter the cost. So the new Capitol's darling does come in handy.

Warning/s: angst, betrayal, using someone for your own benefit, Capitol elite, kind of evil!Katniss, one sided love, lying, short fic (this is more like a blurb, honestly), possible grammar and spelling mistakes

Author's note: I can't edit the asks after I save them, so I copied the request like this. I'm dumb, sorry. 😅

Request: @f4riedimples -> I just rlly need Katniss admitting that she started out the relationship using (District 11) reader. Like say reader got treated like capitol after winning her games so after Katniss came back from the 74th they started dating. And just a night before the quarter quell she admitted that she used r?🤌

You were one of the unfortunate, unlucky, people of Panem. Being chosen for your games at 15 wasn't something that you ever wished for anyone including yourself.

But it seemed like your luck started to turn around as you won your games.

People that lived in the Capitol adored you. A young jewel from District 11. As you grew up so did the love of the Capitol's elite for you. You didn't like it one bit, but it did give you some advantages. Just like some disadvantages.

Katniss went into her games a year after you, so you were both 16 at the time. She was lucky she made it out, everyone agreed with that. But just as you got a little taste of luck in your life, everything started to shift around once you met the girl on fire from District 12.

She was desperate. Katniss new that. Since the year you won your games nobody ever stopped talking about you. You were the hot topic on everybody's tongue.

So when Katniss started her Victor's Tour and she realized in just how much trouble she was in, giving the spark of hope during her games, she knew that her family, friends and her needed protection. She was willing to do anything for it. No matter the cost.

Katniss Everdeen heard about you, how could she not? A shiny jewel from 11 that somehow ended up being treated as if she was from Capitol. As if she was one of them. She knew that if she had you not even president Snow, to whom you had become very indenting because of the love his granddaughter had for you, could bring any harm to her family.

She could remember that day as if was yesterday. You were standing behind her, looking gorgeous as ever. She still didn't truly understand how she pulled that act off. But by the end of the month you were officially her girlfriend.

Katniss noticed, as the time passed, that she gained more respect amongst the Capitol elite and for a moment it seemed as if they treated her as almost an equal, too.

Everything was going amazingly up until another party at the Capitol at which she was invited as your guest.

Perhaps it was her lack of self awareness.

Perhaps it was her idiocy at that moment.

Perhaps it was her recklessness.

Perhaps it was too much alcohol that she drank in hopes of drowning the everlasting guilt in the pit of her stomach that grew every single day.

Or perhaps it was the fact that she didn't love you like you loved her. She didn't love you at all. She only loved the benefits that came to her on a silver plate since she was dating you.

"Katniss," your angelic voice that usually sounded like the sweetest song caused by a bunch of little bells now, to her drunk mind, sounded piercing as it reached her ears. "Are you all right?"

"Y-ye-yeah." She slurred and felt herself flinch a little bit. She sounded just like Haymitch did when he drowned himself in alcohol all day back in District 12.

At that moment she noticed that she overdid it, and worst of all, you noticed it, too.

"I think it's time to call it quits," You offered her in, what almost was, a quiet whisper. "Hmm? How about I take you back to the penthouse?"

"N-no," Katniss drunkenly waved you off. "I'm f-fine."

"Katniss," You couldn't help but to let out a sigh that somehow escaped past your lips that were unnatural red color caused by some expensive Capitol's lipstick. "I'm just worried that-"

"Oh, you worry so much don't you!" Katniss snarled at you because, thankfully, she still had half the mind to know that if anyone heard you, you both would be in big trouble.

"Katniss, I love you and I just want to help-"

"Well guess what?" Katniss hissed, grabbing another glass that contained some sort of shiny liquid. "I don't love you."

Your world stopped for a moment as you froze, listening to her. You couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. You couldn't believe that this is the person you fell for. The person that you grew to know and love. But now, as you watched her and listened to her speak... perhaps you didn't know her at all.

"I don't love you at all!" She continued to mindlessly whisper to you, not caring about the amount hurt that she caused you at that moment. "I never loved you. But God..." she sighed for a moment, looking at the ground before she looked up at the night sky. "You were truly a jewel. So easy to use. So easy to manipulate into loving me even though I don't feel the same at all."

You were frozen. Nothing existed to you at that moment except for her, her words and one loose tear that rolled down your face as she whispered what you actually ment to her.

"Snow's precious victor. Capitol's little jewel..." she continued to rant, somehow not slurring anymore. "I despise you so much, but at least I got something useful from you. Useful. That's all you have ever been to me."

At that moment Katniss looked up, but you were gone. She would perhaps feel a bit bad about it the next day, she could easily say that she was drugged or something else caused her to say such lies. But they weren't lies and you knew it.

But there was something that Katniss didn't realize at the moment, but will later on.

She will never truly escape the sound of the woman who loved her.

->

->

->

TAGLIST:

@caroline-books @thecrowdedstreetin1944

[hyunjinners]

✧:･ﾟFear of The Unknown → Kim Seungmin x reader ˚₊· ꒰ 🌊 ꒱

꒰ 命 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ꒱┊Her relationship with Seungmin is perfectly healthy, but the insecurities on both sides prevent them from being clear with each other.

꒰ 命 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ꒱┊idol!Seungmin x fem¡reader

꒰ 命 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 ꒱┊a little sad, cute, established relationship, happy ending.

꒰ 命 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ꒱┊possible trigger, fights, light swearing (nothing serious), lack of communication, relationship crisis, fear.

꒰ 命 𝐖.𝐂 ꒱┊6,7k

꒰ 命 𝐀/𝐍 ꒱┊I had a dream about Seungmin and I wanted to create a story based on that. I just read an imagine with Seungmin being a complete asshole and I was completely disgusted (the worst thing is that the chapter was really good, love the person who wrote it), so I had to do one of him being a complete baby that he always was (even if at some point in the chapter he hurt her, but I'm just saying- 😅😉)

English is not my first language! I hope you enjoy and have a good read - feedback is appreciated. 🩵🌨️

⊹₊˚ʚ❛masterlist❜ɞ

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗘 reflects off her face, waking her up to the start of another week. You toss and turn lazily in her place on the bed, making the sheets beneath you move, becoming increasingly messy. The ease with which his body messed them up made him realize the lack of extra weight on the bed beside him. Your fingers delicately trace the now empty space beside you.

You exhale a tired sigh, opening your eyes in a sudden awakening when you realize that your boyfriend was no longer there. His hands run awkwardly through his hair with the intention of making him at least presentable before getting up. You walk still a little drowsy down the hallway, rubbing your eyes with your vision a little blurry.

As if on the right timer, you arrive just as Seungmin was getting ready to put on his sneakers and head out. As soon as he sees you he stops on his way to the apartment entrance, smiling a wide and warm smile that was reserved especially for you. He raises his arms, enveloping her in a warm hug. You rub your head affectionately against his chest, like a lost kitten. He laughs at the thought. "What are you doing up at this time?" "I just wanted to see you leave, it'll be a long time before you return at night." You speak in a low tone that's a little slurred from sleep. He smiles as his fingers rest in his messy hair, you were basically sleeping standing up. "I'll be back tonight, don't worry. When you blink, I'll be back." He assures you. "I had left a note for you on the kitchen island," he pulls you away a little to look into your eyes. "Yo-rin invited us to go out with friends tonight. What do you think?"

"I think it's more like a 'date between couples', I'm sure she's with Jun-ho. But yes. I liked the idea." He smiles, straightening a rebellious lock that fell over his forehead. "Great, I'll be there in time to take us by car, okay?" "Okay" you lean up on your toes, placing an innocent kiss on his lips, wanting to see him as soon as possible. “I love you,” you say. He connects their lips again before walking away with a smile. "Put on some comfortable clothes, I know you'll look beautiful no matter what" he puts on his sneakers before leaving.

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You fix the last details of your hair before hearing the sound of the front door closing. You hurriedly grab your bag from the bed before walking towards the living room. You look for Seungmin, finding him drinking water in the kitchen. You lean against the doorframe waiting for him to notice his presence. When done, he looked you up and down with shining eyes. You were wearing a simple black corset over a white blouse and wide leg pants, simple but perfectly beautiful for him.

He approached, pulling her hand up and spinning her around. You let out a hearty laugh during your little turn, feeling embarrassed even though she is used to hearing compliments from him daily. "Perfect. How did I get so lucky?" He rambles, talking more to himself than anything else. His hands rest lightly on your waist. Seungmin affectionately rubs your nose with yours, kissing your cheek and then your lips, giving you a short peck. "Let's go. If we're late they'll be making jokes all night." He rolls his eyes remembering the last time he was late because he was distracted by his girlfriend.

Arriving at the restaurant, you go to a more private room to which you were directed by your friends. Yo-rin and Jun-ho were sitting laughing about something they shared on their cell phones, not before they stand up to greet you properly. "Y/n, long time! How are you?" Yo-rin hugs you warmly with a wide smile on her face, being extroverted as always. "It's really been a while since we saw each other, I missed you." You return the hug, settling into your rightful place next to Seungmin. "I think Seungmin thinks we're going to steal her from him." Jun-ho comments, earning a playful eye roll from Seungmin. "Okay, we didn't come to eat?" Seungmin interrupts the teasing with a fake tone of disdain. "Come on." You laugh.

The night passed comfortably between you. You and Seungmin exchanged knowing looks during the meal as you watched Jun-ho and Yo-rin put food on each other's plates. They just looked at you confused when they heard your laughter. When leaving the restaurant, you walked to the karaoke, passing through a nearby square, lights and live music filling the atmosphere and making everything more cozy along the way. After almost an hour of singing traditional Korean karaoke songs, you sat next to Yo-rin on the couch, only hearing Jun-ho and Seungmin's slurred singing because of the amount of Soju they drank together. You let out a hearty laugh when Jun-ho fell on top of Seungmin, crying - probably due to the song's melancholy lyrics about lost love.

As soon as the song ends, they sit next to the two of you, sighing breathlessly for the last song they sang so eagerly. "What do you think about another round?" Jun-ho drawls, resting his arms on Yo-rin's shoulders, who just gave him an amused look. "What's up, guys? One more song, one more Soju." He reaches for the bottle on the table, but is reprimanded by Yo-rin who holds his arm. "That's enough for today. I think we should go, you're drunk as a skunk." She stands up next to him, resting the weight of his body on her. "We're on our way, you can enjoy it alone, lovebirds." Yo-rin gives them a wink.

"Not alright. We're going. Come, I'll help you." Seungmin stands up, taking Jun-ho from her arms. "He is sure? You weren't alone all night. It's still 9pm, you can stay a little longer without us." She asks with a confused face towards the two of you. You shake your head with a simple smile. "It is good too, Minnie has to work tomorrow and I think you're going to need help with Jun-ho, you know, he's heavy." You laugh, joining his arm with hers to leave the room right behind the boys. "All is well then."

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A week has passed since the day you left with Seungmin's friends. It was a busy week, not only for you, but also for your boyfriend. You were busy with mountains of essays one after another for your college, and he, who trained too much, barely having time to rest and most days having stayed in the dorm with the boys.

You sigh tiredly, closing your laptop after finishing another tiring study session. You get up and go to the kitchen with the intention of heating up your lunch with the leftovers from the previous day’s dinner. remembering the morning message left on post-its that Seungmin left asking you to eat well because your health is very important. You smile at the thought.

Before even uncovering the pots that held the food, his cell phone that was on top of the island vibrates showing Yo-rin's photo on the screen, you quickly pick it up to answer the call. "Hi, Yo-rin! What a nice surprise." "Hi, how are you? You know, I have an appointment near your building and I thought I would invite you to have lunch together at a nearby restaurant. We can go to the mall too. Would you be free?" You smile excited at the idea of ​​good timing. "Of course! To be honest, I was about to prepare my lunch, So you came at a good time." "Great, I'll give you the address, meet me in 30 minutes." "Okay."

The thirty minutes were enough for you to get ready in a casual and comfortable way, wearing moss green shorts with a short white blouse to stand out with sneakers of the same color. You call a taxi in front of your building, following a route of less than 5 minutes according to the address sent. You arrive in front of tteokbokki's small restaurant, finding Yo-rin at the tables in the back. She waves at you, indicating to sit across from her.

"I'm glad it arrived on time, I just ordered it. The ttobokki here is the best! I promise you won't regret it." She says happily, placing her cell phone on the table that was in her hands until then. "I thank you for the invitation, I needed a break from studying. My teacher went crazy this week." "I found out, Seungmin told me. That's why I called you, spending the whole week working on your mind must be a pain, you have to rest for everything." A sudden doubt appears in your head when she finished explaining. "Does he know we're here?" "Let's just say...it's a girls' secret." She raises her finger towards her own mouth, as if asking for secrecy, you laugh at the funny face she made. "Okay, let's just be the two of us for today" you join in on her joke.

After eating the famous tteokbokki - which she wasn't lying when she said it was the best - you split the bill, at her insistence, leaving to walk some more. You kept the plan of going to the mall, passing through several stores trying on some things or buying others. She lets out a sudden happy squeal pulling you towards a store with a new makeup line that she mentioned seeing on 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 on tiktok. She fiddles with some products before suddenly pausing, speaking without looking you in the eye, "You know, I didn't want to say anything, because I thought it would be a little uncomfortable for you, but it's been rattling around in my head since the day we left last week." She says hurriedly, barely having time to breathe. "What do you mean? What happened?" You ask worriedly, resting your hand on her shoulder. She looks into his eyes with concern shining in them, starting to slowly wander around the store then looking at some products in distraction.

"It's just...how's your relationship with Seung going?" "So far, so good. I- I still don't understand, Yo-rin." You speak slowly, imagining that she is organizing her thoughts so she knows how to speak carefully. "You know, the day we left I noticed something strange. I had been talking to Seungmin for weeks about the idea I had of us all going out together and only after a lot of insistence did he give in and talk to you." She sighed, thinking about what she would say next. "And...during dinner or when we were at karaoke, he treated you like one of his friends, it didn't even seem like you were dating and, When I suggested the idea of ​​you being alone, because I imagined it would be uncomfortable for him to act like that in front of us, he didn't even hesitate before denying it." You remained silent, trying to understand her line of reasoning.

"I understand your concern, Yo-rin, but I think you got it wrong," you try to smile, but it was flawed, only a ghost of a smile appeared on your face. "Minnie isn't exactly the biggest fan of PDA and I respect that about him, nothing more." His attempt to convince her seems to be of no use, since she just looks at you like you're not listening to her. "It's not just that, it's just…" she lowers her voice, now looking away from her feet, "In his past relationships, this wasn't a problem. He's never been this distant with anyone before. Besides, he barely lets you go out with his friends. At first I was understanding, since he had just gotten out of a difficult relationship, I thought he didn't want to rush things. But now it's weird. You've been together for almost two years and it seems like he wants to hide you from us." Her reaction about her is silent, making you reflect.

"I don't want to put the wrong ideas in his head, but you see, he's been busy working this week. Did he call you in the meantime? He usually does this when he misses you or is worried." A lump forms in your throat and your mouth goes dry, making you swallow your saliva with difficulty. "He- he leaves notes in the morning and sometimes sends messages at night…” you respond in a low voice, your chest was starting to hurt from how tight it was. His thoughts were racing. "You see? It worries me! I try to talk to him, but he just ignores me when I bring it up." She looks at you, waiting for an answer, but only receives silence in return. "Okay, I think- I think we better go, okay?" She puts her hand over your left shoulder, guiding you out of the store. "I think so." You practically whisper, your voice disappearing into your throat.

His plan was to spend the rest of the day peacefully, but that didn't happen. You knew Yo-rin would never say anything to affect you - not on purpose, of course - but his words were eating away at your mind and insecurity grows in your chest. Her mentioning Seungmin's previous relationship really bothered you. He had mentioned it to you once, explaining it in a shallow way and, after that conversation, you wonder if the reason he didn't tell you in detail is because he doesn't trust you. You blindly trusted Seungmin without hesitation, but the burning you felt in your eyes and the sweat that formed on your hands were clear signs that you were very insecure, and again her thoughts took her like monsters, making her reflect and question details of her relationship so far.

You try to finish some work you intended to do before the due date, but all you can see and feel is that something is now wrong. You don't want to think, but it can't help but cross your mind that it's somehow your fault.

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The wonderful smell of banana pie enters your nostrils making you feel hungrier. You bow slightly in thanks to the cashier before walking out the door of the small bakery with two cups of coffee and pieces of Seungmin's favorite pie. It had been two days since the day you met Yo-rin. You didn't mention your date with Seungmin, not that you were hiding anything, I was just afraid you'd upset him by telling him something so irrelevant while he was away working. Your nerves hadn't calmed down at all since that day, but you were trying to distract yourself, thinking it better not to make hasty decisions.

You wanted to prove to yourself that everything was okay so, for that, you decided to surprise Seungmin by visiting him at JYP. Maybe it was hasty, but you knew he would be happy. You try to hide the excited smile that insisted on appearing on your face. Arriving at the entrance of the company, you pull out your cell phone, dialing his number. Some rings resounded signaling that it was calling. The call dropped. You called once again and were getting a little worried for fear that he wasn't at the company or that something had happened. After several taps, finally you hear his low and slightly slurred voice, he was probably tired. "Hey. Did something happen?" He speaks quickly. Your breath catches in your throat and your mind insists that maybe it wasn't a good idea, he looked anxious and tired. "H-hi, no- nothing happened. Just...I thought I'd stop by the company to give you a coffee and some cakes, I was wondering if you'd already eaten anything." His voice disappeared from his throat. You were afraid to tell people you were at the company, afraid of what might happen.

"It's okay, there's no need. I ate well, I promise. Look, I- I have a lot to do, so…” he sighs, you got the signal. A strange cold hits your belly and your eyes water. You didn't know exactly why you wanted to cry, but you felt like you were excluded. "Not alright. Sorry to call unannounced." You hoped he didn't notice his weak voice. "Okay, don't worry. Tomorrow I will be home early." He hangs up and you feel like your head is spinning. You keep your cell phone in your pocket, now with a cold coffee in his hands and a tight heart almost coming out of his mouth. You can't cry, not here, not now. Are you strong… 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

.

The next day you were discouraged, maybe this was your new routine this week; waking up and realizing that deep down you are afraid that your previously so perfect relationship might just be a sham, that you were a hobby. You had nothing to do, it was a boring day. The weather was rainy and the cold wind blew against her skin through the open window. It felt like the universe was actually conspiring against you, even the weather was really hazy, matching your thoughts. On days like this there was only one thing you could do.

You unlock the bike that you hadn't used in a long time, you had to clean your hands of the dust that spread along the chain that held it. Riding it, you pedaled quickly, feeling a small sting in your nose from the cold wind. Securing it to the small bike rack, you entered the place with bad lighting, where only the red, white and blue tones of the machines make you have minimal vision. The arcade was definitely the strangest place to calm down, but for you it was nostalgic and relaxing. Sometimes you felt like a child who went out to play when there was a fight at home. By placing the tokens inside the claw machine, you let yourself go for hours, changing the toys and carrying lots of gifts home.

You close the door behind you with your foot, your arms filled with bags loaded with various teddy bears and other small toys. You leave your bags on the living room floor, desperately wanting a shower. Opening the bedroom door, you hear the sound of the shower turning off and a voice shouting from inside the bathroom, "darling?" You stopped in the same place. You wanted to walk around leaving the room and pretend it was just the wind, but at the same time you wanted to hug him and say you missed him. Because you felt it, a lot. "Hi, Minnie. I'm here." Seconds later you hear the sound of the shower turning on again. You wondered if he really cared that you were there, but you wouldn't torture yourself like that. Lying down, it feels like the effort you put into riding your bike has come to a head, your eyelids becoming heavier and your vision darkening.

.

Your eyes slowly open at the delicate rocking of your shoulder, caused by a pair of large, light hands, touching you as if any sudden action would break you. A little more attentive to your surroundings, you see Seungmin crouching in front of you with his hand caressing your shoulder. "Love, get up, please." You stood up lazily, running a hand over your face. "What time is it?" "About 6:00 pm, probably." He replied in a low tone, not wanting to alarm you. "I'm sorry for waking you up, but I need to talk to you." Seungmin sat next to him, looking into his eyes with concern and affection. "...I don't- look, I wanted to apologize to you for what happened yesterday. I know we didn't talk properly this week because of me, and I felt bad for hanging up the call so quickly. I want to redeem myself." He speaks slowly, paying attention to see if you understood everything he said.

You sigh, not knowing whether from relief or exhaustion. Your eyes fill with water and you want to disappear from his face because you look so fragile. You bite your bottom lip, looking down at your hands that were resting in your lap. You feel his strong arms wrap around you in a hug that is a little awkward, but still comforting. You reciprocate, giving in to his affection. You inhale the smell of the moisturizer he usually applies after a shower, feeling small for realizing that you needed to be in his arms. He extends his hand over your hair, stroking it delicately, with so much love and care that it made your bones ache to think about what it would be like to no longer be able to feel his love. He whispers softly to you, "I plan to show you something. I'll give you some time to shower and get dressed, I'll be waiting in the living room." You pull away, looking at him confused. "Where are we going?" He smiles, his eyes shining with admiration. He runs his fingers over your cheek, leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead. "For a good surprise."

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You watch in the distance as small yellow lights shine through the branches. You were still in the city, but in a somewhat reserved place, close to a small piece of sea. Turning off the engine, he walks around as he gets out of the car and opens the door for you, his gentlemanly gestures never dying, eliciting a sincere smile from you for the gesture. He goes ahead, guiding her to a small restaurant that is located on the water's edge. It was beautiful, the lights scattered around the room where the tables were located made everything seem comforting. The place seemed to be a kind of 'acquaintances only environment', as Seungmin nods knowingly to the lady inside the store.

He points to a table asking you to wait for him. When he returns, he sits across from you, starting a conversation by asking how his day was. You try to avoid saying that the reason for your bad mood was technically attributed to him, just saying that you went out to distract your mind. He tells you how his week was and how this part of training is being pushed before the stray kids comeback and you sag a little in your chair, feeling like he was getting in his way that time, like an added weight to the whole problem he was going through. You didn't want to make it too obvious, so you just smiled and motivated him by saying how good he is at what he does. After eating the delicious food, he walked with you to a bridge not too far away, where he had an incredible view of the biggest buildings in Seoul.

You walked side by side and at some point you linked your pinkies, not wanting him to be uncomfortable with closer contact. He looked at his hands with a frightened expression, as if this was new to him. His stomach dropped and his smile fell a little, but he couldn't show it. He pointed to a specific place on the bridge where he wanted to observe the view, walking a little faster, letting go of your hands. You swallowed hard, this was no time to think about that.

You joined his side, resting both hands on the bar in front of you. Seungmin looked mesmerized by the lights that decorated the city at night, matching the stars. You watched him absorbed in thoughts about him, about how incredibly cute he looked in this dark brown trench coat that highlighted his eye color and made him look like the main love interest in a drama, or how his fluffy hair made him incredibly attractive. You loved him, and you wanted him to know that. The words instantly spring to his tongue, as a desperate prayer for the support of your relationship, "...I love you." You whisper, breaking the silence that had been established until then, just the cold wind blowing over you. He stops for a few seconds, looking into your eyes and giving you a light smile. He holds your hands in his, with a lost look pondering on his face. Her breathing hitched suddenly, her chest hurt.

You remove your hands from his, he then looks at you confused, not understanding the reason for the gesture. “Do you love me, Seung?” His voice sounds broken, wavering with every word spoken. Seungmin's eyes widened, doubt and worry shining in his eyes. "Of course darling." "... so why don't you say it?" Silence. A bitter silence that you didn't want to experience, wasn't what you wanted. A lone tear fell down your cheek, exhaustion overflowing from the latest past events. "Where did that come from? What's going on?" You laugh humorlessly, wiping the tear uselessly as more insisted on constantly descending. "𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨? Everything is happening, Seungmin!" You suddenly burst out, not raising your tone because they were in a public environment, even though it was almost empty.

"Why- why don't you ever say you love me? I express my love for you and the only thing I get in return is silence." He looks at you scared, but without saying a word. He reaches out to touch your arm, but you painfully take a step back. He lowers his hand slowly, sighing. "It's not that-" "so what happened?" You interrupt him. He falls silent, swallowing nervously. He ponders his answer for a while, looking down. "... It is complicated." You clenched your fists in disbelief, not in anger, but in disappointment. "Yo-rin was right… I can't believe it." You mumble, wiping away your tears as you turn your back to him.

He raises his head, confused by the mention of his childhood best friend's name. Before you could take another step, he stops in front of her, looking straight at you. "What does she have to do with it?" Now it was your turn to ponder, sighing as you look at the water, avoiding staring at him at all costs. "We hung out a few days ago and talked about our relationship. She told me she was worried that you were being cold to me, avoiding showing people that I'm your girlfriend. At first, I didn't want to believe it, but she was right about some things," you stare back at him, where he listened to you with a mix of feelings; fear, worry, sadness, anger. Everything was apparent in his physical and bodily expression and you wanted this discussion to end, but everything needed to be clarified, "she said that you were never so cold towards someone, that you were different in your other relationship. That hurt so much, Seungmin. It makes me wonder if the problem was with me," your voice broke and you felt afraid that you wouldn't be able to speak.

"I've never had problems with insecurities in our relationship but it's hard not to think about it when you treat a trainee with perfect, enviable beauty so affectionately and act different like that. a mere student... I can't keep this to myself anymore, Seungmin." Seungmin wants to speak, but his arguments catch in his throat, his vision blurred by the tears that were in his mouth. You just nod, too tired to fight, gripping the strap of your bag tightly before walking past him. "Where- where are you going? You're driving with me." He shouts in your place, not worried about clarifying your doubts, but rather where you are going. 𝘚𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺, you think. "I'll go by taxi." And then you go, leaving him alone at the edge of the cold water under the lights of Seoul.

.

You lay on your bed, curled up in the fetal position, feeling more tears wet your face. The feelings were confused inside, you felt a strange relief that he finally knew your feelings, but the fear and anguish that Yo-rin was really right predominated without pause, making you experience double emotional exhaustion. Your cell phone vibrates next to you, you pick it up after several rings. There were messages from him.

𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗲 🐶🤍: I'm afraid you want space. I'm going to sleep in the dorm with the boys today, don't worry.

You sigh. It would be a long night's sleep.

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"Everything will be fine, you're amazing." Her friend Nayeon massages her shoulders, an act to uselessly ease her tension. The dressing room was a mess, people running from one side to the other arranging clothes and makeup. Today was a very important day for many fashion students, including you. A small fashion show planned for months where students presented their creations to be evaluated by the most respected professors on campus, in addition to important presences such as businesspeople and industry scouts. It was a very important day and the tension from his fight with Seungmin two days ago wasn't helping anything. During those two days, he stayed in the dorm and you didn't speak to each other again. You were sad and relieved that Seungmin didn't say anything to you, perhaps to give you space or out of fear of what might happen if you try to talk again.

You shallowly told your friend Nayeon how you fought with Seungmin after she confronted you about why you were acting so distracted and tired. She was understanding, giving a little speech about how fights like this are normal in relationships and that you would soon sort things out. You didn't take much faith, but agreed just to end the matter. You couldn't let personal matters get in the way of your work, not on this day. Only the best students were selected to have the opportunity to present their work and you passed with honor and praise. Your teacher announced your selection with pride and you couldn't be happier for the opportunity you've been given.

A thought quickly crossed your mind, imagining what it would be like if you weren't fighting with Seungmin, If only he was here to support her and tell her how proud he is. It makes you sad. Nayeon stops massaging her shoulders when she feels them more tense. "Honey, relax. Important people will be here today and you need to at least look presentable when they ask to see the creator of the best collection." She said with a playful smile on her face. "Now get up, hold your head high and show who the talent in this place is, you hear?" You smile at her sincerely, grateful for her generosity. "You're right, today is going to be a memorable day." You walk to your seats in the front row when they announce the start of the parade. Your pieces will be one of the last, so you are calmer at first. The lights go out and everything begins. It's no wonder that the best were selected for this, the pieces are truly incredible and vivid, you can't deny it.

It was time for your creations to appear and you were afraid of people's reactions. Nayeon squeezed his arm gently, a silent warning that you were doing well. When it was all over, the applause resounded loudly throughout the place and, as soon as the lights came on, your hands froze in place when you saw who was in front of you. Seungmin clapped happily when he saw his collection at an event like this. He was happy and proud, unlike two days ago when he left her distressed and without answers. She wanted to disappear and pretend she didn't see him, but when your eyes met, it was as if you could see the feelings he carried inside, longing to have you close to him. It was a short period of time before the event ended and his nerves were on edge. People were getting up and in the middle of the movement you saw Seungmin walk up to you, before he opened his mouth to say something, you nodded towards the backstage, asking him to follow you.

You guide him to sit at the dressing table that was in an unoccupied dressing room. You close the door, sitting across from him. A slightly uncomfortable silence settles in the room as you play with your fingers in your lap, an attitude you did when you were nervous. "I'm proud. You are extremely talented and my heart was happy when I saw that your talent was finally recognized." He breaks the silence by speaking in a low tone. You stare at him, formulating a decent response. You didn't want to be rude, but you were still upset with him. "Thank you." His voice was so low that if he hadn't been so close he might not have heard it. And once again silence fell, but not for long, as he spoke again, this time catching your attention more abruptly. "When I was a trainee I met a girl," you lift your head, curious as to what he's getting at, "we became friends, one thing led to another and we ended up becoming romantically involved," he pauses, watching your reaction carefully.

"She wasn't my first girlfriend, but she was the first one I thought I would actually move forward with. I treated her very well, being the example of a drama boyfriend," He tries to make a joke but you just look away, he sighed. "One day, I intended to take her to meet my parents and then she just attacked me. He said that I needed to change, that if I continued being this 'soft idiot' no one would ever stay, that no one wants someone so needy around. She broke up with me a few days later." His eyes met yours and you didn't know what to say, it was all so sudden. "It ended up that a few months later she got involved in a fight at the company and had to give up on her debut, leaving the company... It's not that I don't love you, dear… I'm afraid of losing you if I get too close. You are the most important person in my life and I don't know if I can imagine my life without you. I need you." His voice cracks, making him feel small. You lean in to wipe away the tears running down his face.

Not holding back, you hugged him warmly, longing and relief enveloped you in a loving way. You kissed his forehead and whispered while stroking his hair. "I would never leave you, I'm the one who needs you. I'm sorry- I'm sorry for not listening to you sooner." You cry together, relieved to have cleared things up. You still felt guilty for not listening to him, you felt selfish, but seeing how sincere he seemed, you thought you could give yourself a chance. He pulls you away, cupping your face so he can kiss you more easily. He held her with love, feeling her soft lips fit perfectly over his like pieces of a puzzle to which he was predestined to be united until his last breath of life. He brushes two more pecks on your lips before separating, taking in the air.

"I had a fight with Yo-rin…so I thought I had to at least settle it with you." He commented suddenly, making you look at him with concern. "Did you- did you fight because of me…?" He holds your hands, stroking them for you to relax. "It's not your fault, She's the one who needs to measure her words, that's all." His tone becomes more serious for a moment. You just nod in understanding. You are interrupted by Nayeon abruptly entering the dressing room. "Girl, I looked for you everywhere! The professor is behind you, a Japanese businessman is interested in your work and wants to talk to you." She smiles excitedly. It seems like things have really worked out.

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"Minnie!" You jump into his arms, the suitcase sliding away almost falling. He spins you in his arms, filling your face with chaste kisses as a manifestation of his longing. "Calm down, calm down! We're going to fall." He laughs, placing you on the ground. "I've been waiting for this for weeks, you know." You kiss him again, happy to finally see him after months. Eight months passed after everything happened and things were happening naturally. The boys were taking off with their new mini album for JYP Japan and you were visiting him in Shibuya, Taking advantage of the fact that she was on a business trip, she was hired to design the newest collection for a successful Japanese brand. You couldn't be more proud of each other. After a long and tiring flight, your boyfriend met you in your hotel room to welcome you.

"I know you're tired," he begins, looking with his puppy dog ​​eyes, "but I need to take you to a very important place. And, before you deny it, it’s in your best interest, so…” you watch him curiously, reading his expression. "All is well then." You smile, hugging him once again.

.

It was night when he picked you up in your room that same day. The moon was full and bright and the weather was mild for it being spring. You passed through beautiful places and interesting streets before arriving at the place he had initially thought of, taking several memorable photos along the way. Holding your hand, he pulled you towards a slightly more reserved place, where trees with cherry blossoms lay, your favorites. You were amazed looking around you, the lighting made everything more exciting and charismatic. "Is this where you wanted to take me?" You ask smiling after sitting on a wooden bench beneath the trees. "Did you like it? The boys researched the best places for a romantic walk and I could only say thank you." A wide smile graces his features. He looks down at his feet, his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his mouth and his forehead couldn't stop sweating. "Baby... are you okay? We can go back if-

"no no! I'm fine, I just- I just wanted to tell you something." He looks at you, piecing together fragments of the speech he's practiced for hours in front of the members..

"I want to be honest with you. I've rehearsed this moment thousands of times and I still think I'm going to stutter as soon as I open my mouth." He gathers his courage and continues, you watch him curious and confused. "Some time ago, I was afraid of losing you. My life revolves around you and I was scared of losing you if you left. I realized that we only know for sure if something will last if we have the attitude to hold on to it and make sure it's yours." You watch him take a small marsala-colored velvety box from your pants, your eyes fill with water as you realize the reason for all this, for every planned part of this day. "My love, do you agree to become my priority forever?" He opens the small box, revealing two beautiful silver rings with details in pink stones.

You hug him, wetting his shoulder with the tears you shed in happiness. "Of course I do, darling." You were ready to become his permanently. He was yours and you were his, and no one would separate you, neither doubt nor fear, you would face the unknown together, because you love each other.

A/N_ I usually don't leave comments at the end of chapters, but after all this I think it's worthy of reactions. Okay, what was that? I swear I've never written a chapter this long and I confess I was proud because I didn't intend to make it this long. Please don't feel angry with Yo-rin 😭, she just wanted to help even though she acted like a bitch, that's it- but whatever. Like × reblog ¡ by:: @hyunjinners ^-^

[tare-anime]

It seems that Endo is cooking some delicious food and he needs more time. 👀

So, while waiting shall we read other series?

May I reccomend an Isekai genre that is quite something 😏😏😏 ?

7th Time Loop: The Villainess Enjoys a Carefree Life Married to Her Worst Enemy

(Such a long title. It's known as "7th Time Loop" for short)

Now I almost never read Isekai genre. Because, come on, the concept is totally ridiculous 😅. And the main poin of Isekai is to make the MC got tremendous skills without making them over powered.

Apparently time loop is included in this genre. And it's normally not my cup of tea, because it can be so confusing.

Isekai is one of my hubby's favorite genre though, so through conversations I know several series. And I even following "Campfire Cooking in Another World with My Absurd Skill" all for the food. (I loooooveeee cooking manga)

Anyway, one day, my YT feed showed me this thumbnail from Muse Asia channel

And me seeing a Heroine wielding a sword???

I'm sold 🤣🤣🤣

So I tried to watch the 2 episodes available and what do you know???? I'm hooked!!

Okay, I gotta admit that the first impression I got is to think this series as TwiYor mixed with DamiAnya Royal AU 🤣🤣🤣 I mean, the color theme of the MCs are DamiAnya, no? But the way they act are a bit mixture of TwiYor and DamiAnya.

The series tells a story of Rishe (female MCs) weird phenomenon, that is being trapped in a time loop after she was dumped by the Crown Prince of her kingdom (Hermity Kingdom).

Throughout her life, Rishe has always being thought that her purposes in life is only to be the Crown Princess and marry the Crown Prince. Nothing else matters. (Not even intelligence or curiosity to learn something). So, failing to fulfill her role equals to her life being worthless, and she is disowed by her family.

But she then meets with a merchant, and she is thaught that there are so many possibilities in her live. That the world is vast. And nothing can define her purposes in life but herself. Rishe then learn to be a merchant and she succeed. Unfortunately, 5 years later, she died in a war.

Returning to the place and time when the Prince annulled her engangement, she then tried to recreate her first loop, but failed. So she learn to be apothecary instead. Yet, 5 years later, she died.

It goes on and on, and everytime she learns other proffessions. Until during her 6th time loop, when Rishe crossdressing as a man and becoming a knight, she finally met with the person responsible for the war.

Emperor Arnold Hein. The ruthless and cruel man. And during this time line he killed her directly (quite literally stabbed her heart with a sword) .

All this time, Rishe has worked really hard but she always died 5 years later. So, right now, in her 7th time loop, she intended to life a lazy live with intention of staying alive.

Alas, (or fate?), during her run from the Prince who dumped her, Rishe bumps unto non other than (younger) Arnold Hein himself. She actually runs away from him, as gracefully as she can, because that man has just killed her in previous loop, and the one responsible in her death in all of her earlier loop.

But, Prince Arnold (apparently) sensing something different in her, and follows her. Until after seeing the way Rishe takes care of the series of commotion happen afterwards, he steps up and... well... propose to her. 🤣🤣🤣

Arnold's reason is simple. He is enamored. Maybe because the way Rishe acts and solves problems are different than other princess he has encountered. Plus she seems know how to use sword. Fluently.

But Rishe is terrified and thus she refused, at first. After several negotiations, and after Prince Arnold promise to fulfill her wish to "live an easy and lazy life", she agrees to follow him to Kingdom of Garkhein, and becoming the Hostage Princess.

So the story then revolves around Rishe's shenanigans in her trying to understand the one person who is responsible for her death in 5 years in the future and her schemes to stay alive.

The "battle of strategies" between a very skillful Rishe (all with her previous 6 lives knowledge) with Arnold genuine prowress, is the main attraction of this series IMO. 🥰🥰🥰

That, and of course, the budding romance between Rishe and Arnold. Despite very capable in almost every field, both of them can be so dumb if it's about their own feelings. And these small romance scenes always always managed to make me squeaaalll in delight. 🤣🤣🤣

For example, during one of the arc, Rishe has been running around doing her schemes here and there, and she's exhausted. But she still try to understand what is going on between Arnold and his younger brother Theodore.

At the end she succeed , she finally succumb to her tiredness, and despite his cold exterior, Arnold is actually grateful for her help, and smiled fondly at her.

I--

Just like TwiYor at chp 56!!!!! When Loid has to carry an exhausted Yor and he just smiled fondly at her.

Aaaaahhhhh!!!

TL;DR Read 7th time loop while waiting for the next SxF chapter. It's a SxF Royal AU fantastic series. 🥰

[babygirl-000p]

I fantasize about meeting you guys💞 and one of these days I’ll write down some of those fantasies for you. But for now I’ll just give you a real story from when I was 18 and living my best and worst life;

There used to be this big unlocked and unowned house right in the middle of my town. People hung out there and it was like a big gallery with art and music and of course some parties. I didn’t really hang out there much but I have this friend who was there often. One night she called me and asked me to come and join her and some friends, so I did.

As usual I was high on weed and I think I also had taken some benzodiazepines and maybe a beer or two so I was in a really good mood if you know what I mean🤭. When I got there it was maybe ten fifteen people there and the only one I knew was my friend who called me there.

First thing I did was to take my friend with me to have a smoke on the balcony. When we were standing there talking she told me the reason she called me over was because there was a guy there who really found me interesting. While she was telling me the guy in question also came out and started talking to us. My friend left soon there after so it was just me and this guy.

I got a little shy, as I do, and was trying to be funny and told him that I knew what he had said and made a joke about him calling me over so that he could undress me (yes I know I have no social skills😅). Anyway he responded with a serious face saying something like “I mean I would if you’d let me” and I smiled and then we were interrupted by a group of people who also was going for a smoke. He stayed and talked to them but I left and went inside.

During the whole night I could feel that he was watching me so I looked at him a few times and smiled and flirted a little with my eyes😘. The tension between us was so strong, at one point we ended up right next to each other while pouring drinks. I could almost feel the vibrations between us when we accidentally touched. After a while he came up to me asking if I would like to share a cigarette, I followed him of course. We barely made it to the balcony before he started kissing me and grabbing my hair.

Right next to the balcony was a bathroom and he took my hand and guided me in there. He locked the door, grabbed me, turned me around and pushed my back down toward that thing where you wash your hands. He then pulled my dress up and my panties down, spit down at his cock and started fucking me. I actually had a mirror right in front of me so I could see his face while I felt his cock inside of me.

After a while someone knocked on the door so he stopped and kissed me and told me to get dressed. We walked out of the bathroom and joined the party again.

I was so wet and still so unbelievably horny so I asked for his number and started texting him that we should find a better place to continue. He agreed and asked me if I would like to follow him to his friends house because he lived close by. I accepted and we left.

On the way there he told me his friend wouldn’t even be home and that we could be there all night if I wanted to. When we got there his friend was actually home so we started off with just having a drink and a smoke in the sofa with his friend. After a few glasses he started kissing me really intensely and started touching my tits and my pussy. I got shy at first since there was another guy there but then I just let go and went with it. He fingered me until I came and then he started fucking me. The other guy joined in at some point but was mostly kissing and touching me while jerking off and later he came on my neck. The first guy came in my mouth while grabbing my hair and pushing himself deeper in my throat.

[halfetirosie]

☁︎✴☁︎ KUYA IS THE WORST THERAPIST OF ALL TIME!!!!! ☁︎✴☁︎

(Elysium 10-11 React-os!)

Fair warning, I'mma be a bit of a hater in this one...🤦‍♀️

1) KUYA, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!

First of all: kidnapping is fucking ILLEGAL!

Second: this is just too far. It's already bad enough that Olivine will have to answer embarrassing questions in front of an audience, but having to do so in front of the kids--????

I was rooting for you, Kuya! But then you go and be a dick again!!!!

😡

2) Damn, what an awful way to die....

I HATE bugs, they're so gross---

Plus, this situation is already ASTRONOMICALLY STRESSFUL; having a big, ugly, threatening bug crawling all over you will make it even worse!!!

3) My thoughts exactly, Eiden!!!!

Why is Eiden the only sane person here???

It seems like Kuya have set things up to be as agonizing as possible, and that just feels EVIL to me.

This is why I really hate that damn fox sometimes. He keeps causing genuine pain to people, hitting them right where it hurts, and it's [at least partially] only for his own entertainment.

4) (｡Ó ᗣ Ò｡)

Olivineeee, sweeetieeeee!!!! Come here and give me a hug!!!!

This is so depressingly relatable.... Amiright, fellow degenerates? 😅 Gotta laugh about it or else you'll cry...

Olivine is really GOING THRU IT. I can't imagine having to admit something like this to my family/friends!

I am so fucking stressed!!!!

5) FUCK!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

LISTEN. I GET THAT OLIVINE NEEDS TO FACE HIS FEELINGS PROPERLY INSTEAD OF AVOIDING THEM. Aside from the damn fox's entertainment, that is what "the point" of this trial is.

Accepting your feelings is necessary for healing.

But you know what doesn't have a point? FORCING OLIVINE TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION IN FRONT OF THE MOST FRAGILE AND INNOCENT PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE, WHOM HE REALLY CARES ABOUT!!!!!

I feel like I'm just repeating myself at this point, but seriously, this is so fucked up! If I were Eiden, I probably would've interrupted and tried to end this shitty trial, too...

6) Kuya, you are seriously such a dick....

I think Kuya is partially up to his Tsundere Bullshit™ again; I think he's pretending to be casually "observing" things when really, he's searching for some sort of answer. (After all, this is the same dude that has been alive for longer than we can imagine, and has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past)

The reason he calls the trial participants "boring" is likely because they didn't give the answers Kuya wanted---I suspect that this trial has served as Kuya's fucked up way of searching for meaning in life.

But what really pisses me off is the demeaning way he talks about humans; even now, during a trial whose questions focus on one's true desires and personal values.

HE'S the one always prattling on about how humans shouldn't judge himself, a yokai, by human standards. And yet, he doesn't have the decency to do the same???

Humans live a much shorter time than him, after all. Of COURSE they'll put value in different things than him; especially if they're someone who frequently spends time in a red light district.

That might be why he assumes Olivine's morality is a "mask," but at the same time, he actually knows Olivine personally (at least, to some extent), unlike the strangers he's tested in this "trial."

I don't think I can give Kuya the benefit of the doubt anymore. This lack of empathy isn't "out of his control," IT'S A FUCKING CHOICE. AND THAT IS WHY I'M ANGRY!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Kuya shouldn't be allowed to conduct this "trial." This "trial" shouldn't even exist. What HE needs---what Olivine needs---what EVERYONE needs---IS SOME ACTUAL PROPER THERAPY!!!!

7) CONFIRMED: Eiden is me in this event

Is this hinting that this whole trial is an illusion, maybe?? As in, there isn't actually an audience here??

Honestly tho, at this point, that doesn't even matter to me. Kuya is still being a dick and putting Olivine through HELL, and it is so unnecessary!!! 😡😡😡

8) It just keeps getting worse and worse...

Watching this trial is giving me such intense second-hand fear/sadness, bro---I'm crying very real tears. It's literally hurting me.

This really didn't need to be done in front of an audience, dude... Shit like this is SUPER private. It shouldn't be made into a spectacle like this...

BITCH, KUYA MADE OLIVINE CRY!!!!!!!

(｡Ó ᗣ Ò｡)

WHY!!!!

THE FUCK!!!!!

DID HE HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!

LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!

9) HELL YEAH, OLIVINE!!!! PREACH!!!

I can't believe we went through all of this just so Olivine could give the most obvious answer of all time---

⊹ ࣪ ˖♡ LOVE ♡⊹ ࣪ ˖

That's also the answer that our foxy bitch friend was really searching for...

10) OH FUCK, THANK GOD!!!!

I AM SO FUCKING RELIEVED, THE KIDS WERE JUST ILLUSIONS!!!!

I don't forgive Kuya for pulling that stunt, tho. I stand by my opinion that it was COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.

11) TRUTH:

It's honestly kind of wild to see Olivine explaining the value of love to a mean old foxy grandpa, but hey, here we are!

It's Olivine's turn to be the therapist! The right way!

:D

12) You're a much more patient person than me, Olivine...

(ᵕ—ᴗ—)

I held on for as long as I could, but I can no longer be generous when his antics cross a certain line... I'm giving this fox the silent treatment for the next three weeks!!

13) *heavy sigh*

Yeah, that's true...

Olivine and Kuya actually have a fair bit in common, when you think about it; specifically, their history with Depressive Episodes and--as Olivine puts it here-- their "struggle to live."

I think the main difference is, because of Kuya's long-ass life, he's much more set in his ways; thus, it's harder for him to let go of his destructive tendencies.

He may not be as violent as he used to be, but he still has a terrible habit of emotionally harming others...

Do I think this excuses his behavior? No.

Do I think he deserves another chance; to be treated with compassion and helped? Yes.

But he ALSO deserves to see some actual consequences for his actions.

☁︎ End of report ☁︎

[sgiandubh]

Lo puedes negar hasta el cansancio pero cada vez te me pareces más y más a Puffy-Liar! su mismo modus operandi, hablas en círculos, te crees dueña ds la verdad absoluta, escribes largos "rants" donde hablas mucho pero no dices nada. Es cuestión de tiempo para que traigas de vuelta tus "privy info", "close to SC sources" a tu amiga Stella y el "vault" con las fotos de SC y el bebé rubio. Supongo que en WordPress ya no eras tan popular y extrañabas tener los shippers rogandote para que compartas la información de tu amigo "long throat" ya sabes, Puffy siendo Puffy. 😅🤣🤣

Oh, but hello you Master Troll Anon,

For the delight of this fandom, may I translate your venomous rant, that was supposed to what...? scare me? ... make me run for the helicopter on the roof, Ceaușescu-style?

You can deny it until you get tired, but every time you look more and more like Puffy-Liar! The same modus operandi as her, you talk in circles, you think you are the master of absolute truth, you write long rants where you talk a lot and say nothing. It's just a matter of time until you bring back your privy info, close to SC sources, your friend Stella and the vault with the pictures of SC and the blonde baby. I suppose you were not as popular on WordPress and you missed the shippers begging you to share the information from your 'long throat' friend. You know, Puffy being Puffy.'

Since your reading comprehension is so perfect, I will answer you in English.

I hope my letter finds you well, btw.

First of all, it's Deep Throat, not Long Throat. But you know... barista/barrister... Deep Throat existed, during the Watergate Affair. His name was Mark Felt and he was the Deputy Director of the FBI, supplying Bob Bernstein and co with all the needed info. Puffy's is a figment of her imagination, as you all know it.

I have doxxed myself not once, but twice . And I did it on purpose, because I knew you would do exactly this, in order to feel alive, perhaps:

First, my mugshot:

Posted on July 30th, while recounting my visit to Olympia: https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/724219876757176320/a-stupid-shippers-guide-to-the-peloponnese-part

Yes, darling, this is me: a Romanian, 45 year-old, Roman-Catholic diplomat. Not a 60+ Jewish widow from Massachusetts :

Then, because you were harassing @bjj3007-ichoosetobelieve, I posted this flat denial on August 18th: https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/725983370933354496/jeez-louise

In Romanian. Had I done it in French, my second mother tongue, you would have screeched it was inconclusive. Silly twats.

As far as I know, Puffy has some rudiments of French, but that's about it. Sorry, doll. Wrong number.

I don't care about your slanderous, uneducated and vulgar opinion. I despise your harassment attempts on people who were only liking what they were reading and were very warm to me.

You are not the first one to try and scare me. You have yet to prove I am a liar, with hard evidence, not with impressionist camelos.

There is at least one woman in this fandom who knows my name, my full mail address and all the specific details. Because she recently used them and got confirmation that I am who I said I am, I have the job I said I have and I live where I said I lived.

Her delicate gesture moved me. Yours brought a sort of disgusted amusement, if at all possible.

I know who you are. If I were you, I'd think twice before going on with the shitshow. I am not implying anything and I will not lose my time with you in court (my best IRL friend, the Madrid abogada, will gladly do it pro bono, btw). But you have nothing and you will continue to have nothing.

Because there is nothing you can have about me. I said it all, almost.

What this outburst is telling me, is one darn inconvenient thing for you, people. So, I'll say it in Spanish, cariño:

¿Vds tienen mucho, mucho miedo, verdad?

I promised to be your worst intellectual nightmare. I meant it.

So far, I think I am not faring that bad, eh?

[baskeigh-ball]

I'm new on this Separated Raph au thingy, and I have like a bajillion of questions.

1) Is Red still going to cannonically live with Draxum for some time before meeting the gang?

2) Do the guys kidnapped Red or rescued him (her? I'm not sure about this either)?

3) What's with Red and cats?

4) Does Red like Casey?

5) Are the matching outfits of Leo, Donnie and Mikey cannon in the au or it was just for fun?

Sorry to bother so much, it's just that I so loved your au 😅

No worries! I'm happy to clear up any confusion. I need to make a masterpost explaining some of this AU anyway, because I haven't been super clear on some stuff

1) Raph actually has no clue who Draxum is (Draxum knows about Raph the same way he knew about the other three), and instead spent his time post-mutation in the New York streets before being taken in by the Mud Dogs. (Dastardly Danny was the one to find him, which may sound odd but there's a logical explanation that I can't quite talk about yet I swear-) Then later Big Mama gets her hands on him, and he's been at the Battle Nexus ever since.

2) The guys rescue Raph, but it takes a while, even after they find out about him and where he is. Turns out getting a Battle Nexus champion out of their "contract" with Big Mama is pretty difficult

3) What's he got against cats? Weeeell, let's just say he's had one too many negative experiences with them in his past. He couldn't tell you what exactly happened, though; his memory of dealing with cats is spotty at best, nonexistent at worst.

4) Raph and Casey don't meet until after he's reunited with the guys, and he thinks she's cool, but it sucks they're on opposite sides of the Hamato-Foot Clan conflict. They'd probably have secret meetups to spar and grab something to eat afterward

5) The other outfits were just for fun, but I've considered making them have an appearance during the plot somehow because I love the designs too much to abandon them :')

[soov]

MOOT GAME: " make up a trope for your moots and their biases. doesn’t need to be romantic. can be crackfic/funny/anything you want

OMG OMG IM ACC SO HAPPY I LOVE THIS KIND OF ASKS (only doing some of my moots that i feel that fit these tropes 🙏 plus Yeah anon sorry..... i am not the best one w crackfics as u can see)

@isoobie : heeseung & strangers to lovers (hs bball au)

based on today’s heejay vid where jay says that hee fits the “treats everyone nicely but doesn’t know to talk to women” and heebot LMFAO imagining a hs au where he’s the popular basketball player who shares most classes with her, and has a crush on her. the whole school finds out about his crush and tries to get them together. it ends up with a bunch of students making a circle around them during lunch while heeseung sttuters and blushes the crap out of himself trying to confess, and ri accepts as equally as embarrassed cs who wouldnt 😆😆 the school’s it couple!!!!!!!

@voikiraz : sunghoon & small crochet business

mari w her lil crochet shop making the cutest bags and guess who liked them.... SUNGHOON!!! she packs his order very nicely (like she does to all cs shes the best business owner!!!!!!) but... it ends up arriving all messed up and basically destroyed. he sends her a kind dm in her shop’s insta about the order. when she checks his address, she notices they live in the same city and offers to give him a brand new bag personally. and when she arrives... love at first sight 😊 he’s def buying her whole shop and asking for delivery everytime just to see her!!

@boyfhee : jay & live jazz restaurant

why am i giggling js at the thought!! cael and jay would both go to a nice jazz restaurant every week and after some time of mutual pining, he gains enough courage and asks if he could pay her a drink!! they end up having such a good time together and after exchanging numbers, the next date gets set to jay’s house. and guess what 😂😂 private chef with meals even better than the restaurant’s, slow dances with a glass of wine in the kitchen, and jay playing his guitar after eating & having dessert OOHOHO

@haknom : juyeon & invisible string / dense and worse

Very Fitting!!!!!!! 😆😆 imagining a ton of those almost meeting moments w them like almost met each other at a convenience store, almost met at a morning stroll, almost met during a hangout with mutual friends... and in the end, they bump into each other accidentally someday. when they become friends it’s HELL because juyeon would be like Heyyy kayla 😏😏😅 and she wouldnt know hes flirting and same thing goes to him. they end up connecting the dots somehow and boom! couple 😂😂😂

@jongsie : nicholas & zombie apocalypse

HEHE THIS ONE WOULD BE SUCH A COOL DRAMA rav and nicho who aren’t really that fond of each other but a sudden zombie apocalypse forces them to work together. really angsty cs that’s what rav likes... one of them prob loses an arm or leg and dies in the end... the other suffers so bad!!! pure grief in its worst form. when the apocalypse ends the other digs a little hole in the place that they first met (and that was completely destroyed) and buries an item that one gave them before dying. (whoa i kinda ate with this one)

[pikapeppa]

15 questions for 15 friends

Tagged by @elveny and @johaerys-writes -- thank you, my loves!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My mom. Apparently my dad really wanted to name me after my mom and she was like "ugh really fine" LOL. My dad is also named after his dad, who was named after his dad... REAL ORIGINAL. This is going to sound like a total humblebrag, but my mom and I are both published academic authors, so we have to use our middle initials to distinguish who published what 🙃

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Probably in therapy last Thursday LOL. Though I got a little prickly-eyed earlier this week watching the episode of ATLA where Zuko and Aang go on their lifechanging field trip to the Sun Warriors' secret village 😂❤

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope! Childless by choice.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? I played T-ball when I was 5 or 6 (hated it, cried so much that my parents pulled me out LMAO) and I was on the volleyball team in Grade 6. I'm left-handed and I had a habit of serving into the wall, unfortunately, and the habit got worse when I was nervous. During one game, they took pity on me so much that they paused the game until I got the ball over the net. I was fucking humiliated and have never played a team sport since then. 🤣💀 Re: other physical activities, I like dancing! I've taken a ton of different kinds of dance classes including swing, salsa, bellydancing, and Bollywood dancing, and loved all of them!

DO YOU USE SARCASM? No. Me? Never. 🙃🤣 Forreal though yes. All the time.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Uh...! I don't know if there's any one specific thing? I usually take in an "overall impression" of appearance. Vague, but that's all I've got. If the question was "what's the first thing you notice in people you're attracted to", that might be a different story 🤣

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? Brown.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I am going to copy Johaerys's answer and say it doesn't matter to me, as long as the story was good. But also, who says scary movies/horror media can't have happy endings?? 🤣Haunting of Hill House, anyone? (Bittersweet, maybe, but it counts as happy to me!)

ANY TALENTS? Would it be wretched if I said I feel like writing might be a talent? Whatever, I'm saying it. 🤣😅

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In a hospital in the same city where I currently live! Which I will chose not to reveal openly! 🤣

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Writing! It takes up a solid 75-90% of my free time. Also gaming (which I might count into the writing time since it often becomes Research™ for the writing 🤣). I also enjoy baking and cooking, though I don't know that I'd count those as hobbies since they're necessary ADLs?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A cat named Meeko. She is my daemon. We can never be apart when I am home. Case in point, a photo taken in real-time while completing this quiz:

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'3".

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Uhhh... what level of school are we talking here? In undergrad, I took an incredible linguistics/history course about writing systems, and that was probably my favourite class ever. I took a course during undergrad about different schools of psychotherapy that was pretty damned influential too.

DREAM JOB? I also loved Johaerys's answer here: "I don't think there's any sort of job anyone could do in this capitalist hellscape we're all currently living in that would be enjoyable enough to make up for, well... living in a capitalist hellscape." I'm lucky enough to work in the public healthcare system so I'm pretty safe from the worst of capitalism, I guess, though my job (speech-language pathologist) is one I chose more for practicality (certainty of employment) than because I was really passionate about it. If I could do something else and not have to worry about money, I would either want to be a fiction editor, or a sex therapist.

Tagging forward to @ranaspkillnarieth @iamcayc @heroofshield @fantasy-girl974 @hellas-himself @midnightacrobat @alyssalenko @vorchagirl @elinorbard @stuffforthestash @mwasaw @lordofthenerds97 @y0ureviltwin @ladyofthelake91 @perhapsrampancy @cha-mij and genuinely, anyone else who wants to share!!! Tag me so I can spy on your life! 🤣❤

[curiouselleth]

Raistlin is Eru? Go on...

Hi @backgroundelf!

Thanks for asking, I'm thrilled to share it with someone new! A forewarning, however; this got a bit long, I had a lot of fun writing it all out lol 😂😅

So, Raistlin is Eru is a crack theory I've been rotating on and off for a little while.

I think I got the idea during a conversation about Eru and the Valar, specifically how Eru seemed to be so hands off after the Valar entered Arda, and how the only actions he seemed to take were preventing the Valar from doing things that would endanger the world, namely during the Ainulindalë, preventing too much discord in the music and going to war with Numenor.

And it just kinda popped into my head. Maybe it was the specific phrasing of discord in the music that reminded me of some of Lord of Nothing from the Last Trial:

(this is from the 2021 english dub on youtube)

"It's not too late yet, to play a new song, clear the discord and correct what went wrong!"

Then a few lines later:

"It's not too late yet, to fix the problem-- change the dissonant song that life has become, not too late! For a new world, one of harmony suppressing the old!"

And I just started thinking about it, and it kinda made sense? Still in a crack theory way but oh my gosh it made sense. It would explain Eru's lack of interference, he saw the damage that gods outside a world, not living in it could cause. I haven't finished the Dragonlance Legends trilogy yet, but from the Chronicles with Paladine living in the world not using his full powers and being part of it (a bit like Gandalf in hindsight), that seemed to work a lot better! So only those who were a part of it - the valar - had the power to more actively shape it.

But then, things that threaten the very world's existence like the discord in the music or the valar going to war with Numenor? He reacts. And in the case of Numenor - violently.

And as I was just reading a Dragonlance timeline, the similarities between Dragonlance and the Silmarillion are prominent. I won't go into detail, there's far too much and I've barely skimmed it.

He saw the catastrophic damage to Beleriand and it's peoples during the war of wrath. A continent rented and destroyed. He will not see his world hurt again. So when Numenor invades, he fears what the Valar would do when attacked, because the damage in Beleriand when they weren't attacked was so bad, what happens when they feel they need to defend themselves? So he drowns Numenor, he destroys the Numenorians in Valinor, he bends the world and removes Valinor, removes the valar, from it. They could have good intentions, the best intentions, but he will protect his world. He will not see his world destroyed again.

But it's not just that. The Numenorians wished to become immortal. Wished to challenge the valar, the gods to get it. How long until they wish for more than immortality, how long until they wish for the powers of the Valar, how long until they wish to become gods? Almost exactly. Like. Him.

So he utterly destroys them so none but the faithful escape, so none will survive to continue pursing this goal, just like him. Just like how he wished he would've been stopped. He saves his world. But it is irreversibly changed.

After a time, the Valar play less and less of a roll in the world, as the world grows away from him. He has too seen what happens when gods are worshipped for too long. More war, more death, more destruction. Maybe it wouldn't happen the same way in this new world. But he will not risk it.

Even though he planned an end of his world, he planned it to be renewed. Without hurt.

You can see him in the gift of men too. He has known long ages in the abyss. Completely alone, nothing, desolate, but the worst, knowing that it was never going to end. Never. Shackled to this eternity. So he gives them the gift to leave, that he wished for more times over than he could count.

But he puts eternity on the elves. I haven't fully thought this part out, perhaps after Arda is made anew, Arda unmarred, he has planned a end for himself. Not necessarily suicide, but an end. Stepping away, going where his spirit will. This life ending and becoming something new. And that is why he leaves eternity on the elves. So, as a race, they may step in to fill the gap he left. Not as gods, not that powerful. But all of them together sharing the power. It becoming their world. And perhaps after a somewhat similar cycle of being in that role for some time, they get to be in control of their fate. And they get to change it as Raistlin changed his fate of eternity as a god.

---

But how did this happen? How did Raistlin make a new world when it was too late? *insert entirety of Lord of Nothing here*

The flame imperishable. It's so mysterious in the Silmarillion. We know so little.

So how did it come to be?

Raistlin spent many ages in the abyss. Some more clear than the others, some with not a thread of sanity. It would come and go. But over time, he grows a little. As a person.

His realization of how deeply wrong his actions were tormented him endlessly. But it was what saved him. He dwelt on it, reflected and grew. He gained compassion and empathy. The grief for what he did, the pain he caused others in trying to avoid it himself gnawed at him. Consuming him. But he learned, and became better.

The multiverse is semi-canonical in Dragonlace. When the world had died, other gods saw. How sad, a few thought. How foolish, many more thought. Then they moved on.

Uncounted ages later, one looks back. And sees with a shock that Raistlin has changed so much. And decides to give him a second chance. If he hasn't changed enough he will just fail, nothing more coming from it. "One without a heart cannot create life," (paraphrasing Takhisis.)

The god gives Raistlin the barest of sparks. Raistlin doesn't notice for a long time, he had long ago retreated to one of the corners of the abyss. If such a thing exists in a endless void.

But, he finds it. He searches for the one who left it but nothing. He studies it, cautious. Is he imagining it? It wouldn't be the first time he was hallucinating. But no, it's real. There is no outside influence on it. It's just there. A chance.

For a long time, he does nothing. He is so afraid, what if he fails again, what if he actually hasn't grown? (I'd like to think he also gained at least a little self awareness over time lol)

Eventually, he decides. He goes for it. He nurtures the tiny spark, he nurtures it and cares for it and protects it and it grows, and grows, and grows. It grows into the Flame Imperishable.

And he finally is brave enough to do it, to create life. And he creates the Valar. The Maiar. They create the world. He fears that he is too flawed to do it alone.

Ainulindalë happens. The world is made, he is secretly delighted when the dwarves are made, but he will not change The Plan (TM) this early, too risky, they'll have to wait their turn. The elves and men come, the Two Trees come and go, the First age, the Second, time goes on and time. The stories we love happen and are written and forgotten as time ticks ever forward. As Raistlin's world lives.

He knows it will never be enough to make up for his mistakes. There is no atoning for killing his first world. But he does everything he can to make this one good, and life flourishes.

There's just so many parallels and Eru's actions can be explained and make sense in a way, Raistlin's choices, his history and experiences drive him to do differently, to act out to prevent others from making the same choices, and to make a different ending. He sees the parallels, the similarities too but makes sure that there will be a different ending.

---

I'll definitely write this eventually, but my silm cyoa fic Be He Foe or Friend is really getting away from me and getting bigger so it might be a while. I just know if I have more than one big writing project going at once I won't finish anything lol. I don't know, maybe I'll start figuring out a plot or something soon lol.

I really haven't read many of the Dragonlance books yet, I'm mostly just using knowledge from the musical, chronicles, and the first and second books of the legends trilogy, so I don't know if all of it is really accurate to the books. But it's still fun lol

Sorry this got SO long, I was curious so I stuck this whole thing in a doc (minus the tags lol) and its 1590 words 🤣

Thank you so so much for the ask, 💖💖💖 I really enjoyed talking about this and if you have questions or want to talk about it more I'd LOVE to lol.

[novelcain]

I meant like, the whole homophobia/transphobia thing, unless China was very accepting of enbys. Idk I don't really do history.

OOOOOOHHHH!!! Sorry I have a big dumb Skittle brain and am incapable of reading between the lines when it comes to nonverbal communication. 😅 Ok ok I did some research on this just now so I could give an accurate (as much as I can but I'm no expert for sure) answer.

And that answer is... it depends.

China has a very long history regarding sexually and its views of sex have shifted a LOT from one era to another. But for this post, we'll focus on the Tang Dynasty because that is the time period JTTW is set in (tho which time period of the Tang Dynasty is unclear)

So I'll start by saying that the Tang Dynasty was notoriously open about sex and sexual desires and homosexually was accepted in ancient but only in certain situations. Usually homosexuality or simply non-straight behavior was only accepted and allowed within the upper class. For example most if not all (I'm not too sure) Chinese emperors had several male lovers and they didn't hide it as it was often revered with great admiration.

NOW as far as gender orientation goes. This would HIGHLY depend on the person and their beliefs as during this period China was dominated by 2 religions Taoism and Buddhism.

Taoism was the official religion of the Tang Dynasty and states that nature is perfect as is and by proxy some believe that would mean they view transgenderism as a flaw of nature while most Taoists themselves do not view transgenderism negatively as the Tao is pretty unconcerned with identity and focuses on virtue and coming to accept things as they were born in nature. Therefore I think the only thing that would even remotely be said against transgenderism from a Taoist standpoint is that you shouldn't feel the need to change your body to reflect your mind. Conclusion: ancient Taoism would likely accept transgenderism so long as you don't pursue gender affirming surgery.

Now while the official religion of China at the time was Taoism, many emperors highly favored Buddhism and that can even be believed of the emperor described in JTTW.

That being said. Buddhism believes that the body is a cage that traps the spirit in suffering and should therefore be distanced from as much as possible. HOWEVER! The Buddha himself said that while you should try to separate yourself from the Earthly Realm one's body should be used as a tool of awakening, and given that awakening in to find Nirvana, one could argue that pursuing your gender identity is simply using your body to reflect your soul and therefore is good. But honestly Buddhists are pretty chill and as long as you ain't hurting anyone or anything I HIGHLY doubt a true Buddhist would care what you do so long as you live amicably. Conclusion: transgenderism would likely be cool with about 99% of Buddhists even in ancient China.

Overall conclusion: MOST people probably wouldn't care, though these are ancient times, so I'd really read the room before offering any info about being gender nonconforming or nonbinary. Having said that, the worst thing you'd have to do is pretend to be whatever gender you most closely resemble. But honestly I think a lot about how it'd be best to pretend to be a man when traveling as they are much less likely to be attacked, assaulted, or hate crimed.

So again, in situations like these you need to be flexible and willing to present as something you aren't. And while that can be hard, I feel like dying via whatever brutal death an extreme transphobe can think of is a lot harder. So if you play your cards right the most a nonbinary reader would get is probably some nasty comments and a few even nastier looks. Tho both could easily be corrected by Tripitaka explaining they shouldn't do that and that isn't what Buddhism believes if the person is a Buddhist and if that doesn't work or they aren't Buddhist then a few sharp glares from the Great Sage Equal to Heaven should be more than enough to get them to knock it the fuck off. Tho if you're good at talking people over to your side then they probably wouldn't even need to step in.

As for how the group would take it, I think they'd all accept it rather quickly after you explain what being enby is with maybe the exception of Bajie who just truly doesn't understand so you'd just have to explain the concept of other genders to him a few times.

I hope this answers your question at least somewhat 😊

[bookworm-with-coffee]

TAG GAME - Get to know me! (79's / Star Wars Edition)

Thank you so much for tagging me in this magnificent game, @ladysaturnsdust !! I absolutely loved reading your responses and making my own. Enjoy!! 😘💋💖🫂

//Rules// copy this post and answer the questions below + tag people you would like to see at 79’s!

So, imagine that all of us are living on Coruscant during the Clone Wars. Obviously we would all be going to 79’s, right? Now I’m wondering what everyone is gonna wear the first time you’re going? What kind of drinks do you order? What will you be doing? Who will you be flirting with?

_______________________________________

What to wear: Okay, so outfit-wise, I'm a pretty simple gal. I dress for the weather and atmosphere, but I'm a sucker for casual clothes 😭💕 For me, I'd choose a basic fitted singlet, maybe something nice, like one of my embroidered cardigans and a pair of wide-leg jeans (possibly also embroidered). Yes, I'm a sucker for that cute cottagecore shit. I'm a softie, so - flower-power, bitches! 💐💐 My white sneakers, if we're doing a lot of walking/dancing! I'm also like my Nésa, Lya - I'm the mom friend of the group, so a first-aid kit in my blue leather satchel bag is a must!! Bandaids, alchohol wipes and being able to carry any personal essentials for my fellow friendsies is ALWAYS necessary. Curly hair in a messy bun or down. No in-between, besties. 🤣💖

What drinks will I order?: *slams table* LEMON-LIME BITTERS 🍋🍹. Non-alcoholic drinks for me, guys. I'm literally one of the worst people to take clubbing. But, non-alchoholic drinks literally taste better. You take me to a pub? It's gonna be pink lemonade or nothing. I need to be in control and have the coherence to make sure each person I'm with doesn't get too hammered and always has company to places like the bar or bathrooms. I also would be the perfect person to watch drinks. Can never be too careful, besties. I might just break out my cringe moves, if you're lucky 🤣💖

What I'll be doing: If you can't already tell, a club really isn't my kind of thing. Parties aren't really comfortable places for me, I'm often just fretting over drunk friends, making sure they don't hurt themselves. I love the company of friends though, so I have no doubts that I'd go just for the presence of the people I trust and care about. So I'm a chaperone and your dinner and drinks buddy. Like I mentioned before - I might bust out my cringe moves if I have enough encouragement from my beloveds 😭😂💕

Who will I be flirting with: Flirting? Me?? Same sentence??? I'm terrible at it. I can't fathom wooing a bloke, in all honesty. BUT. That being said!!! Rex, Cody and Fives my beloveds?? Who knows, I might just shoot my shot, even if it is just to make the first two go red in the face 😂💞 I love them so much, but they're duty first, play later peoples. I can respect it, but a girl can have fun, right?? 😅😂💞 It looks like Fives may catch the brunt of my shit, though 😂💖

* ♡ * ♡ * ♡ *

Tagging the beloveds I would totally go partying with on Coruscant:

@deadlymistletoe @evenstaredits @horsewithaface @fizzyxcustard @6lostgirl6 @silversword7000 @sangheilihoes @demigoddessqueens @wyyvernn @thewitchkingiscool-ace @local-pirate-king @lostinthecityofangelsanddreams

Anybody else? Feel free to consider yourselves tagged too. See you there! 💖

[jennibeultimate]

Personal recap European Championship 2024 - Men SP

I didn't post much recaps this season but today I had some things to say about the Men SP at Euros. And I had a massively productive and stressful day ane watching skating is my treat!

Overall there were some good skates but the last group was disappointing besides Lukas 🫶...I should have listened to my wifi when it decided to crash during Deniss' skate. 😅 (I rebooted the wifi and watched the rest)

Favorites continue to struggle...first the Italian Pairs Conti/Macci and also Adam Siao Him Fa had to fight. Unlike Conti/Macci he could make up for his mistakes with a massive BV. I think the pressure is realIy high, so for this he fought very well. 🫶 I really like Adam but his PCS are too high in comparison to others like Deniss. The first part of the program is also just skating from one jump to the other, if you look away from the vibe the first part is not more complex program wise than Ilia's for example.

Lukas Britschgi is such a fun guy! He is such a joy to watch! ❤️ The little costume change is fun too! Fun music, fun skater, clean program that's why I watch skating! 👏👏👏👏👏👏😁😁😁😁😁😁

Aleksandr Selevko was soooooo good! Amazing! Probably my personal highlight of the night! The spin position on the heel is so unusual and so cool. The whole program was so unique and amazing! 👏👏👏👏 I always loved his skating but so often he was unstable so I am so happy for him 🫶

Team Italy 🇮🇹 without Grassl I like 😁

Nikolaj Memola is such a beautiful skater and it's even more amazing with his gigantic height! Shame about the 4Lz fall but otherwise so beautiful.

Gabriele Frangipani is a bit underrated. He's full of charisma and his jumping ain't bad. When I saw him live he was always one of the memorable skaters. No matter if he had a good or bad skate he always performed so well.

Matteo Rizzo has a severe hip injury so he probably should not even be skating but he fought. Also that he patted Kevin's back despite it being his own take to skate shows a kind heart. ❤️ Get well soon Matteo! 🫶

Daniel Weiss the German commentator calls Deniss Vasiljews "Picasso on ice" and I think that's a good discription. ���� Deniss drop the quad for the SP challenge! It just doesn't make any sense in the SP. If he has to try it than try it in the free skate. And the other jumps are also not super great so why not stick to what you're good at. I think he got away quite good with the scores. But how beautiful and emotionally Deniss skates it can't hide the fact that there is no upward trend for Deniss in the last few years. And I am tired of the "I am on the right way" and "it's a good process" comments. Something clearly doesn't match. I dunno if the emotional attachement to Stephane helps or if it rather makes him stay with something that clearly doesn't bring him forward. Same goes for Kevin and his coaches btw. I know it's always easy to judge from the outside and I know he is far from being at the start of his career, but sometimes a change does wonders.

Some additional remarks about some skaters:

- Nikita Starostin - I have some beef with the German federation. This fed is incompetent as hell btw it just gets little talked about outside of Germany. He was really bad at Nats (I was there in person) and Kai Jagoda was 100 times better and contrary to Nikita he doesn't have an underrotation problem. His 3As are kinda stable. Nikita has a tiny bit more BV and if he's good he gets higher scores than Kai bc his overall quality is better, but I feel like as Nikita didn't have a stellar season and Kai delivered well at Nats and is fairly consistent they should have given Kai the chance. And I mean Nikita really didn't positively stand out today...it was ok but nothing Kai could not have done too.

- poor Mihhail Selevko 😭😭😭 Aleksandr was so good and he had such a bad day. Best and worst skates from the siblings!

- I really love Disney and especially Lion King but Vladimir Litvintsev does everything wrong what you can do wrong...horrible music cuts... horrible costume and no connection to the program....

- Nika Egadze has everything I don't like in a skater. ETERI AS A COACH! Stiffness in the knees, no deep edges, no connection to music and a weird costume. I mean what's that little white snippet that's added to the costume? I have nothing personally against Nika but he's really one of the few skaters whose skating I really don't like at all.

- Kevin Aymoz - what is there to say? 💔 I am truly heartbroken for him and everyone who celebrates the downfall of such a brilliant skater can go to hell. It's one thing if you don't like his personal choices but no one deserves to be celebrated for such a failure. There is no need to stomp on someone who is already on the floor. Did he look on the verve of giving up? Yes. Is this a good look? Not at all. Should he have come to Euros? I think yes if he felt stable and practices were ok. If he felt not ready then this was bound to happen from the start. I do understand the French Fed choice though. If he is on he could win a medal on European level his SkAm scores are among the highest of all international skaters. I think he has a real mental problem atm. And I don't think he should go to Worlds. A disaster skate can happen to anyone and I could even try to say FrenchNats was just bc it was so short after the disaster but sadly this is not just accidental at this point, it's a pattern. He has to break the pattern, maybe he should do small comps first where results aren't so important and get back the feeling for competing. I really wish him well! My heart goes out to Kevin! There will be better days! ❤️

[special-interest-infodump]

Since Netflix has cancelled Shadow & Bone (yes I am indeed salty about it), have some modern Genyalina headcanons, including a few with chronic pain Genaya. Also, this is quite long so apologies 😅

Modern Genyalina Headcanons

They meet in university, probably as roommates.

They're a little awkward at first, both of them are shy of each other and neither's had a lot of friends before, so for the first month or two? They tend to avoid each other (one leaves if they're gonna be alone in the room)

Zoya is very protective of Genya and doesn't particularly trust Alina not to upset her. Mal is very much the same way with Alina and not trusting Genya

The way they eventually end up befriending each other is that Genya offers to make Alina a cup of tea while Alina is stressing about an upcoming test

Alina takes a break and they end up talking for a while about various things: Alina's time in foster care, Genya's friendship with Zoya, their classes, anything really. Genya is a languages student, while Alina studies child psychology.

Genya talks about her chronic pain, undiagnosed despite her best efforts, which upsets Alina. She noticed that Genya walks with a cane, but she'd always avoided asking about it.

And thus begins, not an unlikely friendship, but an unexpected one. Both of them are introverts, so they'd fully expected college to just be studying and occasional hang outs with friends they already had. But after they start being friends, the two of them spend a lot of time in cafés or in the library together

Alina walks Genya to morning classes, since her pain is always worst in the morning. This greatly endears her to Zoya

By the end of their first year, Alina and Genya are incredibly close, and even manage to make a few friends together. Going into second year, they move in together with Zoya and her boyfriend, Nikolai. The two of them make it their personal mission to get Genyalina together by the end of the year.

It takes 3 months before they finally manage to trick the girls into going on a date. Two previous attempts were also made (one involved sending them to movie together, and the other involved sending them to the beach) but both times, Alina and Genya thought it was totally platonic. The set up that finally works is setting up fairy lights and a picnic in their garden and then make themselves scarse for the night. Alina and Genya end up blushing and flustered but they have a very nice date.

They are such a snuggly couple, it's not even funny. They were already snuggly, even before they got together, but after they start dating? Genya is basically always curled against Alina's side, if Alina isn't already laying with her head in Genya's lap

Their favourite dates are just staying in and snuggling while watching movies, or reading to each other. Alina usually falls asleep during said movies, but Genya doesn't mind because Alina looks adorable.

Alina gives Genya massages whenever her pain is particularly bad. She also goes with Genya to doctor's appointments to argue with the dr on her girlfriend's behalf (they've treated Genya so bad when it comes to her pain for so long, that Genya gave up fighting a long time ago)

They graduate together, Alina becoming either a child psychologist or a social worker, and Genya ends up working as either a translator or some form of writer. They continue living with Zoya and Nikolai for a few years agter graduation, until they save enough to move in together (they still stay close to their friends though)

Genya is the one to propose about 4 yeats after graduation and Alina obviously says yes. The ring is platinum with both diamonds and rubies.