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krolock-in-the-snowlock · 4 years

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My Full Commentary on Broadway’s Dance of the Vampires

Turns out there’s so much that this is going to have to be split into two posts! These are my full, unedited, out-of-context ramblings as I watched the production, so prepare for it to be all over the place and chaotic! I also did a slightly shorter review of sorts here!

But here we go... Act 1!

• Huh. This is not Alfred in the snow

• Why are there three children in the forest

• This song is boring. To be fair their voices are nice but I’m still bored. This feels like Disney ugh

• God these jokes are awful and I can’t tell if they’re funny or not

• Whyyyyy is there a jokes every 5 seconds and WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THE FOREST

• Oh my god why are they getting high on mushrooms

• wAIT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SARAH HOLY SHIT

• WHY IS SHE WITH PEOPLE ARE THEY HER SIBLINGS

• WHY IS SHE OUTSIDE

• I feel like they’re foreshadowing Krolock’s arrival

• I want to get this over with already and see Krolock but I don’t want to see Crawford butcher his poor character

• What is going on why are they dancing, is this Carpe Noctem already

• Why are they just carrying them around

• The lights are nice but that’s about as far as I can compliment this

• The dancers (I’m guessing vampires even though I swear I heard a wolf howl) look like they just got off of Cats and either think they’re still in Cats but just wandered onto the wrong stage or just never recovered from being cats for so long and can tragically no longer move like normal humans (or vampires, whatever)

• The rock music is pretty cool I’ll give them that

• But I still don’t see where they’re going with this

• OH SHIT

• WHY DID A COFFIN LITERALLY RISE OUT OF THE GROUND

• IT’S GONNA BE KROLOCK ISN’T IT

• WHYYY

• God has left the building what the fuc-

• It sounds like he’s about to start a really sad rave

• Is that Krolock’s voice oh god please no

• Also THEY ARE NOT IN A BUILDING THEY ARE IN A FOREST

• I get that Krolock breaks the fourth wall in Die Unstillbare Gier but that is no excuse for this aAaAa

• I’m both scared and morbidly excited to unpause the video

• This feels on the same level of what kind of acid trip hallucination parallel universe have I landed in as seeing the Cats film in the cinema in that I’m both scaredly laughing and like fuck it what have I got to lose I’m here for the ride no matter what the next two hours may throw at me

• Oh god here I go

• Why are they applauding this is horrifying

• Is that a bloody top hat jesus christ

• Also I’m sorry but what kind of coffin is that big

• NO

• NONONONO

• I CAN’T THIS IS HORRIBLE

• COUNT GIOVANNI

• WHAT IS THAT VOICE

• Sarah sounded like Giofuckingvanni impersonating Sarah

• Did he just say you are a person

• And how old are you??? Where is the mystery?? Why does he sound like an old grandpa talking to the girl behind the checkout at the supermarket

• Ok I went back to check and no he said you are perfect and tbh that’s not much better she isn’t a product Giovanni

• Like yeah Krolock would probably be thinking that but he would never say it so plainly

• 18 in three days oh my god is her birthday on halloween

• Why does she talk like a 6 year old

• Oh no I’m sorry not just halloween but the total eclipse of the moon

• Gotta get the phrase total eclipse in there early

• At midnight huh sarah??? You were born at midnight???? And you care about that at 18-in-3-days??

• Issa too good excUSE ME?

• He sounds like a looney tunes character

• Is he talking to the audience

• Is this actually deadpool in disguise with all the fourth wall breaking because please that would be so much better than this trainwreck

• And Deadpool would never do this to poor TdV

• And your name, no don’t tell me… Sarah he’s not a cheap magician ugh (or tbh maybe Giovanni is)

• And now the einladung zum ball/tanzsaal music is playing… what is going to happen here

• I was gonna say finally something familiar but nope these lyrics are so wrong

• I know they can’t be exactly the same but they could have at least kept the meaning similar

• Like, what the hell is an original sin

• I was gonna roast the lyrics some more but I’m gonna be honest I’m not sure what he’s saying

• Endless researching? Ambronsius who? Awful word choice and I’m hating the repeated original sin thing he’s got going on

• Sei bereit????? So they’re keeping the German there???? Why??? Be prepared is the same number of syllables???

• Also what are they doing?? Merging einladung zum ball with gott ist tot or totale finsternis or what??

• Oh they said turn around… so not the literal translation, just the Bonnie Tyler lyrics, huh? That doesn’t even make sense. He’s in front of her already

• I’m sorry, since she’s been born??

• I’m mad that his voice is good because he could have performed in a faithful adaption and been a great Krolock but no he had to ruin everything and now we won’t get a good english version thanks michael

• It’s time to feed? Really?

• Oh so we are doing totale finsternis already

• We’re barely 11 minutes in and they’ve already used up two of the best songs in the musical?

• Also if Sarah and Krolock meet so early on, what’s gonna take up the first act? What’s gonna take the place of totale finsternis at act 2?

• The use of total eclipse of the heart definitely feels like an intentional joke here rather than just jim recycling his old stuff, and honestly it kind of works like that (though that’s only because this whole thing so far seems like one big parody)

• But if they don’t do the harmonies I’m gonna be so mad

• Or maybe I should just consider it a blessing tbh

• Nobody could ever beat drew and diana

• You’re so cool just because that’s what I think when I see Krolock that doesn’t mean that fits Sarah’s personality or what Krolock is supposed to be achieving (also Giovanni is most certainly Not Cool)

• Where I’ve paused it at 12:12 it looks like a meme. Crawford looks like he regrets everything and can I just say michael so does everybody else

• He looks like a potato or a rock or that neutral nicolas cage face that people put on the sequin cushion

• I hate that I kind of laughed at ‘and does he love me?’ ‘…Sarah.’

• She looks like a barbie doll

• Is he biting her already??

• Oh was he licking her neck?

• Why… don’t you celebrate… your birthday… at my castle? Oh my god

• This sounds like a poorly written krolock/reader wattpad fanfic

• Which is actually quite accurate

• He will return with the tails??

• He can’t gift her the sponge if the significance of the sponge hasn’t already been establisheddd

• It feel like lol aren’t i so random rawr xd

• Though giovanni would highkey be like that on myspace

• Also just saying, the sponge krolock gives to her in tdv is much more impressive than that normal sized sponge, up ur game giovanni

• And that’s just it????? He says ciao bella like a creepy mario then sinks into the ground again???

• How dare they use those nice choral harmonies for that scene

• Ah, 14:17 and I should go to bed but I sure don’t look forward to the garlic that I hear coming up

Day 2: Garlic

• And we’re back for round 2!

• So far garlic seems to have a similar vibe to the original, probably because the original was pretty dumb

• Yeah pretty much the same as the original

• But if there’s no frozen alfred and professor yet, what’s even going on?

• And that’s over

• Oh so they’re just gonna arrive like that, no drama or anything?

• Ew why does alfred sound like that? He might as well be gaston

• Oh so they’re mentioning Krolock by name??? When they’re supposed to be pretending he doesn’t exist?

• Oh so that was a mistake by an idiot, I see. Was this in the original?

• The whole smelling like feet thing is kind of funny, I hate to admit it. It’s just a shame it doesn’t fit Alfred’s character

• All in all, ignoring the fact that alfred is all wrong and not frozen, this scene is going pretty well. The jokes are quite good

• Huh who is this supposed to be??

• Oh my gOD IT’S GIOVANNI

• AND HIS STUPID ISSA TOO GOOD

• I really hate that I kind of enjoyed that reveal on some level

• But why????

• Where is koukol

• That silk is not going to be enough for sarah’s ballgown, I hate to break it to you Giovanni

• All of these modern phrases like I leave the door open and put it on my tab just don’t fit

• At this point I’ve decided to stop trying to take Giovanni seriouslg. This is a parody in my eyes

• Ah we’re at logic round 1 huh?

• It’s a shame the only bits so far that they’ve kept fairly accurate are the parts I never liked as much

• Oh my god is giovanni visiting the house as a bat???

• I’m not entirely certain who this other guy is… chagal?

• Frickin idiots really giovanni?

• Oh so koukol doesn’t even exist???

• Is his name morris??

• This is weird

• Ah finally sarah is in the bath

• But it’s in her room???

• Did she call alfred tasty?? You’re not a vampire yet sarah

• They’re both way too outgoing and confident ugh it’s wrong

• Where’s all the cute awkward clumsiness and interactions?

• Ok so alfred’s diary stuff is funny but it’s not alfred. Like, he was probably thinking some of this stuff but he wouldn’t say it, especially not like that

• Well chagal is less sexist and abusive here which is nice but ultimately removes sarah’s motivations

• A blood transfusion??

• I don’t even know what to say, these jokes are kinda gross

• Orange and black crepe paper? A pumpkin?? The prophecy thing? This is just stupid

• The pumpkin probably would scare giovanni away though

Sarah and Alfred’s duet doesn’t work when they’re both in THE SAME ROOM

• This is boring ugh they just met but not even in the way they did originally

• Where’s krolock to invite her to the ball? Oh wait, they already met, and it’s giovanni

• Dammit I love the einladung zum ball scene

• Did they even check blood types?? Oh wait it’s 18whatever supposedly

• Ew they’re supposed to bond over sponges not journals

• Oh here’s chagal’s gross song. Marginally less gross in this context to be fair but still

• Ha no one will abuse you except for you huh chagal

• Oh bye I guess chagal

• NO THAT BAT IS AWFUL OH MY GOD

• WHY DID THEY DO THIS

• GIOVANNI NO

• WHAT IS HE SINGING

• This is horrible

• Where’s the drama, the impressive teleportation, the cape swishing, the mystery, the music?

• Issa me! He might have just as well gone and said Itsa me, Mario!

• This is a crime

• He genuinely thinks she’s a princess nOOOOOO

• Krolock would never

• But I guess giovanni is just Like That

• Krolock wouldn’t complain about the smell, he would pull a face but that would be it

• The joke about the mirrors..? Is giovanni really that stupid or is he self aware and is joking with the audience?

• And the way he just stands there facing the audience in silence as they laugh… he’s got to be self aware

• Also this whole thing is so stupid in its attempts to be funny that I bet we won’t even get die unstillbare gier because giovanni could never pull off anything so genuine or serious (nor could any of the others though)

• Oh god are they semi doing einladung zum ball with the never enough stuff? But it’s not even dramatic or powerful enough ughhh

• Nooooo they made it sound all sappy and romantic when it’s supposed to be dark and commanding and… I don’t even have the words to describe it but no this is awful

• Also the lyrics feel so much more shallow than the original… and the original was so full of what was probably too many syllables that this just feels empty and drawn out

• Oh I’ve got it! Giovanni is like trying to convince her kindly like, oh sarah, that would never be enough for you, darling whereas krolock is stating a powerful fact, he’s like that would never be enough. Krolock knows that she knows and is just kind of showing her that he understands her and she should join him.

• Also michael if you sing the long note at the end, it needs to be meaningful, powerful, entrancing, inviting, exciting, dark, strong. You can’t just do a weedy weak version with no power and no meaning or purpose to the scene

• Why is mars rising

• Oh is it supposed to be a blood moon I bet it is

• This is new…

• The lyrics are all hey sarah, you can do whatever cool stuff you want, the dark side is fun haha

• There’s no story, no appeal to her character development or deeper motivations

• The staging is boring. They’re just stood there. Like two pigeons aimlessly squawking at each other, only one pigeon has decided it won’t shut up

• Giovanni’s makeup and hair are all wrong too

• Dear god only 45 minutes in

• Oh so chagal is frozen and bitten at the very least

• Oh magda and mrs chagal are both singing

• The harmonies are nice, I’ll give them that

• Ah here he goes

• Ew why is he a dog

• Oh mrs krolock is back

• Ooh manipulative he lies

• Ew alfred no kissing without asking first

• And here’s draussen ist freiheit

• Oh but it’s not about freedom, it’s bravery instead

• Why has it got a a dance beat now

• Oh no giovanni’s voice is ruining everything again

• Every time I think the music is actually alright, giovanni’s weaselly voice ruins everything

• Ah finally the end of act 1, though lesss cool when not on a house

• At only 1 hour and 4 minutes, we’ve done it. Halfway through. This is where things should start getting good but of course that probably won’t happen.

• Wait we didn’t even get gott ist tot

• Oh no here it is

• Sounds like they’re keeping it the same

• Ok michael you’re not doing too badly

• *cough* But hey that’s probably because you’re sticking to the source material *cough*

• Ah ok now it’s the end of act 1 at 1 hour, 6 minutes and 30 seconds.

• And what an hour, 6 minutes and 30 seconds they’ve been

• So, before we move on, a quick summary:

• The better parts are the parts where they actually stick to the source material

• Giovanni is the polar opposite of Krolock and therefore cannot even be called Krolock

• The jokes are awful but sometimes funny

• I’m dreading act 2

• Dear god we haven’t even seen herbert yet

• And if sarah is already at the castle, is totale finsternis even going to happen again?

• I guess we’ll find out whether we want to or not in…

Part 2!

#tanz der vampire #dance of the vampires #I am so sorry #this is such a mess

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diyunho · 7 years

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The Joker x Reader - “The Bucket List” part 2

Two months after breaking up with The Joker, you found out the bad news. You didn’t have a choice but to ask for his help and J didn’t even show up for the meeting. Of course he didn’t care, but now that he heard why you wanted to see him so badly, it might be too late for any amendments.

Part 1: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161143650396/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161645099431/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list-part-3

8:30am - your home

You quietly get out of bed, groggy from the meds you have to take at 6am. The Joker is still sleeping and you try not to wake him up. After a few steps a wave of violent cough hits and you cover your mouth, rushing for the bathroom. You close the door behind you and keep coughing above the sink, a few drops of blood staining the white marble. You turn on the water to cover the sounds, hoping J won’t hear you.

After a few moments you calm down and wash your face, starting to brush your teeth.

“Pumpkin, are you OK?” he impatiently knocks on the door.

“Yes, I’m fine, go back to sleep please,” you muffle the words, finishing your morning routine.

J walks in and you run behind the bamboo panel, starting to take your PJ’s off, getting ready for a shower.

“Why do you always hide behind that?” The Joker crosses his arms on his chest, waiting for the reply. You are so self-conscious about your appearance you don’t really want him to see you naked anymore.

“Umm…I just think it’s better to…”

“Get out of there!” he commands, sucking on his teeth.

“I can’t…” you whisper, gulping.

“I wanna see you, stop hiding behind that thing all the time!”

You quickly wrap yourself in a towel and step away from the screen. The Joker rolls his eyes, leaning against the mahogany cabinet.

“Drop the towel, Doll!”

You whimper, anxious to his demand:

“I don’t want to…Don’t make me!”

“Drop the damned towel, Princess!” he snaps and you slowly uncover your body, not remembering feeling so vulnerable in your entire life.

“This is humiliating,” you stare at him while he grins, pleased you complied so fast.

“Like I’ve never seen you naked before,” he scoffs, analyzing the view.

“I look horrible!” you blur out, covering your breasts with one hand.

“Well,” he pretends to debate,” you’re scrawny and I have to admit the lack of hair doesn’t give you extra points, but…”

You gasp, frowning.

“You definitely are a terrible person!”

“Yet another skill I take great pride in. Anyway, my point is that it could be worse, Kitten.We gotta work with what we have, hm? Turn around.”

You take a deep breath, nervous as hell.

“Not too bad, Y/N, but you do have a big butt. If you go in the backyard like this, I think we’ll have another solar eclipse.”

“What?!” you turn your head to glare, alarmed.

“Ha!” J snorts, “I made you look.”

You start laughing, embarrassed:

“You’re so horrible!”

“U-hum. Com’ere!” he signals and you hesitantly go in his arms. “I believe that…” You don’t let him finish. You reach for his lips and kiss him, pulling down on his boxers.

“Well, well, well,” he purrs, “What is this, Doll?”

“Something on my bucket list,” you mutter in his ear, still tense.

“I don’t recall seeing this on that piece of paper,” he teases, smirking.

“I didn’t have a chance to write it down,” you trace the playing cards tattoo on his neck as innocently as possible.

“Interesting,” he lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. “Just admit you want to get in my boxers.”

You giggle, not answering.

“You’re so light,” J sulks, beginning to walk back towards the bedroom. “You think you can handle me, Princess?”

You raise your shoulders up, kissing him again.

“Oh, yeah,” you moan, determined to make love to him even if it kills you.

“Two baldies having sex, that’s pretty hot, huh?” he winks at you and then bites your lower lip, placing you on the bed.

“Not quite,” you chuckle, caressing his hairless head.

“Speak for yourself, woman; I’m still handsome. Plus, I don’t have a huge butt,” The Joker maliciously laughs when he sees how big your eyes got.

“You’re the worst person ever!” you yank his hand, stunned.

“From all the skills I’m proud of, this is my top favorite. Now stop praising me, I’m starting to blush,” he dramatically accentuates his little speech with a sneer, glad he got you all worked up.

3pm

You didn’t want to go with him at the warehouse because you don’t feel too good, but J insisted. You see the henchmen running around with a bunch of boxes, making space and getting rid of the old stuff you guys didn’t use in forever.

“What did you want to show me?” you lean on his arm, grateful you already took your painkillers since your body is getting stiff again.

“Your stupid bucket list, Doll,” he explains. “You wanted to go to Japan and you are aware we can’t because we’ll get caught. We don’t use this place very often so I got you a bunch of Japanese items; do what you want with them. Tell our men where you want everything and they’ll move it for you.”

He senses you’re squeezing his hand really hard and your eyes get watery.

“Spare me, Y/N!” he elbows you, irritated. “Let’s skip the drama!” but he kisses your temple and you nod in acceptance, excited to see what he got for you.

“What else did you have on that’s stupid list? Oh, yeah: a family,” The Joker answers his own question, mad about it. You want to say a few things but he keeps on yapping.

“Why do you need a family for, huh? Nothing but trouble. See these jerks here?” and he points out towards the goons laboring hard to accomplish the task at hand. “They’ll do whatever you ask them and won’t fight back. Better than a family. And you have me. I hate you, but we gotta work with what we have, OK?”J gets angrier since he hopes you won’t get very emotional again; he can’t stand it.

“OK…” you are fast to please him but start crying, unable to hold it in. The henchmen keep on glaring your way, rapidly averting their gaze when they realize there’s something very intimate going on between the both of you: you’re sobbing on J’s shoulder and he has this “fed up with everything” expression on his face while holding your waist. The lack of hair makes him look even more imposing, menacing and vicious.

8:03pm

The Joker dragged you to one of the clubs where he will have a meeting with one of his smugglers that has a new medication for you. Another experimental product found only on the black market that might help.

It’s your IV day so you retreated to the sound proof room, trying to take a nap until the IV bag is done. J is in the VIP section, talking to Nix. Frost is there also, keeping an eye on things. The discussion is going reasonably smooth until the asshole forgets who he’s talking to.

“I can’t believe you’re dating the same bitch, Mister J!” he puffs, acting surprised. Jonny lifts his eyebrows, ready to react but his boss didn’t signal him yet. The Joker holds his breath for a few long seconds, then loudly exhales.

“Yeah, same bitch,” he stares at the guy with a crazy sparkle in his blue eyes.

“So the pills are for her? I heard she’s really sick, but still alive and kicking. Tough bitch I guess,” Nix laughs, confident of his funny remarks. He has a reputation of being fierce and stepping over boundaries because he has access to a lot of merchandise on the black market that not too many smugglers can obtain.

“Tough bitch indeed,” J agrees, holding his breath again.

“Word is you shaved your head for her. Now, I’ve never thought I’ll see a man like you in love, Mister J,” Nix snickers, taking the tablets out of the suitcase.

Is this fucking prick for reals?! Frost thinks, waiting for a sign and he finally sees J tapping his fingers on the cane. Jonny cracks his neck, relieved.

It’s gonna be my pleasure, he grins, punching his fists together.

9pm

The door being busted makes you open your eyes. J turns the lights on and pushes Nix in front of you, kicking him in the shin so hard he collapses on his knees.

“What’s going on, baby?” you rub your face, getting up on your elbow.

“This asshole is here to apologize!” The Joker barks and you have no clue about this new outburst. “Apologize to my Queen!!” he yells at the guy who’s in a pretty bad shape with a black eye, busted lip and a few visible bruises.

“I-I’m sorry…” Nix stammers, groaning in pain.

“For what?!” you feel the need to ask, baffled.

“You don’t need to know!” J shouts. “You are owed apologies and that’s it!”

You don’t fight it and slide to the left corner of the velvet couch, careful not to move the needle in your vein.

“Apologize for waking her up too, you bastard!” and J lifts Nix up, violently pulling him towards the door where Frost is waiting to take over. “I’m s-sorry…for waking you up,” the guy stutters as he gets shoved out of your sound proof retreat.

“Take care of this!” The joker tells Jonny, still fuming.

“Anything I should know?” you reach for your anti-nausea medication and take some.

“Nope, go back to sleep,” J hisses, displeased at how the night turned out. “After your IV is done, we’ll go for a ride.”

“That sounds nice.” You feel like crap but you still give him a smile.

He turns off the lights and hears you:

“Were you defending my honor or something?”

“What honor, Pumpkin?!” he grumbles, shutting the door so you can rest in darkness.

10:05pm

J returned to the VIP room and he’s typing on his laptop. Frost is overseeing what’s going on in the club behind the smoky windows. You part the gold beads and step inside, barely seeing where you’re going; your vision is clouded from the liquid medication you just finished.

“I’m done, baby,” you announce, holding onto the armchair. “I’m drained, I don’t think I can go on that ride tonight. I need to rest, it hurts all over. Can we please go tomorrow?” you beg, closing your eyes when the stomach-turning vertigo sensation creeps up on you.

The Joker gives you a cold stare, still flustered from the earlier incident and not happy to find out about your rain check. He goes back to his typing, mumbling:

“If you’re so miserable, why don’t you hurry up and die, hmm?” Frost immediately peeks your way, shocked about what came out of his boss’s mouth; he’s seen you having a lot of bad days before, but you never looked more in pain like you do now.

“Well…” you dig your nails in the purple leather and sigh, heartbroken. “If there is one thing I am very good at lately is dying. So… don’t worry, it will happen soon enough,” and you rush out, stumbling a few times while trying to get away from his venom as fast as possible.

5 more minutes pass and J finally stops typing, annoyed.

“Shit… … … Frost, go get her!” he voices out and Jonny moves away from the window and stops in front of him, speaking up without hesitation:

“Sir, that was very cruel to say to somebody struggling to survive from one day to the other.”

J’s temple is twitching, definitely not liking what Jonny just articulated with such vehemence.

“Did I ask for your opinion, Frost?!” he raises his voice, pissed at the trespass.

“No, sir.”

“Is this a rebellion of some sort?!”

“No, sir, I wouldn’t dare,” Jonny replies with a calm attitude, figuring out this is the best way to go about it.

“Then shut your mouth and bring me my girl!!!” The Joker snarls, considering blowing his trusted man’s brains out.

“Yes, sir,” is the last thing he discerns before the deafening music takes over the club.

10:20pm

Frost couldn’t find you and one of the bouncers reports that saw you driving away in J’s SUV. The news doesn’t go well with The Clown Prince of Crime.

“How is Y/N going to drive in the state she’s in?! She has to take her medications and can’t skip doses!!” J screams at everyone, taken aback by the conflict he created himself, not that he would ever admit it’s his fault. “We have to find her!!!” he directs the operation, instructing all of them to seek in some places he guesses you might be. They are searching all night, unable to find any traces of you.

Finally, around 7am, Richard reports he found J’s car parked near the beach, close to your favorite spot you like to go and look at the ocean. It’s a small, hidden strip of sand behind the highway; at least you went to one of the places The Joker thought you might go to. J doesn’t even know when he got there, driving so fast he almost got unwanted attention from the cops.

You spent the night on the beach, having to stop a lot of times on your way there because you had a hard time seeing and concentrating on driving. You didn’t take your pills, not really giving a damn since they don’t really help anyway as far as you’re concerned. You have a bag full of all the stuff you take, taking out a few at a time and tossing them in the ocean from the flat rock you found refuge on at the crack of dawn.

“That’s 2000 dollars a piece on the black market you’re throwing away Doll,” you hear J’s voice and ignore him, continuing to do as you please. You’re wheezing pretty loud, fighting to breathe since the salty, strong air puts quite the strain on your weakened lungs. You don't’ care: what’s another issue added to the others?!

You shrivel under your thick hoodie, covering your face even more, not wanting to see him.

J comes and sits by you, quietly watching the waves crushing on the nearby stones. He hears you sniffle but doesn’t attempt to uncover your head. His right arm reaches in front of you, holding a purple capsule in the palm of his hand:

“If you take the new med, you don’t have to take the white and brown tablets anymore. I’ll trade you…yes?” The Joker’s voice gets really deep as you move away from him, not replying. “Fine, then I’ll take it! I don’t want to waste 5000 dollars on just one capsule,” and he almost puts it in his mouth when you scoot back towards him and slap his hand. He drops the pill on the sandy rock and you are irked:

“Are you insane?!”

“Is this a trick question, kid?” he licks his lower lip, intrigued.

“It will make you sick, it’s not for healthy people!” you slowly blink and turn to finally face him. He inspects you and it doesn’t look great: your eyes are red from crying all night and the grimace of pain on your face lets him know you didn’t even take your painkillers; your labored breathing makes you shake a bit and the dried blood stains on the sleeve you used to clean your lips with after coughing disturb him.

“Somebody has to take it, it’s expensive!” The Joker has a smooth comeback (in his opinion).

“You have a shitty strategy, you know that?” you pick the capsule up from the sand, wiping it on your pants and swallow it, grumpier than you were before he arrived.

Without any warning, he buries his face in your lap, wrapping his arms around your knees. You try to push him away but he won’t budge.

“I don’t want you to die,” you hear the muttered sentence and it strikes a chord in your heart. “I don’t hate you,” he persists and you whimper when you feel his grip getting tighter. “But you can’t tell anybody, it will ruin my reputation,” he rambles on and you snort, wiping your tears. “As your knight in shining armor…”

“You’re not my knight in shining armor!” you interrupt, softly kicking his arm with your knee.

“Oh, I’m soooorry!” he lifts his head up from your lap, shifting so he can look up to you.” I didn’t see a huge line of suitors fighting for the title!” J sarcastically indicates. “You think that loser will ever show up?? Forget about it, it’s a myth! I’m the only one around so we gotta work with what we have, OK?… Just nod a yes, woman, and stop crying! Can we skip the drama for once?” he kisses your wrist and inhales your scent again. “You smell nice, what is it?” he diverts your attention since he masters this skill also.

“Death,” you divulge, smiling through tears.

He growls, exasperated, pinching your side.

“Shut up! You’re not dying!”

You take the small roll-on perfume decorated with a silver skull out of your pocket, showing him the name: Death.

“Why would you wear a fragrance with this name?!” J snaps, irked.

“It smells nice, you said so yourself,” you defend your choice, forgetting about your emotional surge.

“Gimme!” he urges you and you hand the tiny vial over. He takes it, glances at it for a few seconds then gets up and tosses it as far as he can in the ocean.

You gasp.

“Did you just…throw away my perfume?!”

“Yeah, it sucks! Use another one, you have so many,” The Joker cuts you off, keeping both hands on his bald head, satisfied at his accomplishment. Before you can protest some more, he proceeds with new updates:

“Tonight I’ll have Commissar Gordon kidnaped for you. I’ve been working on it for a month; we’ll take him to your Japanese oasis. Another thing on your dumb bucket list taken care of. “

You have such a happy smirk flourishing on your lips he feels he has no choice but to sit down by you again.

“You’ll get him for me?!”

“U-hum… Wanna kill him?” he pretends not to notice your sudden cough that calms down after you cover your mouth with the side of your hoodie. “Kill him?! No way, he’s my favorite; I just want to see him.”

“Huh?! I thought Batsy is your favorite!” J waves his hands around, vexed.

“No, Batsy is your favorite, mine is Gordon; you know that,” and you are so dizzy you lean to rest your forehead on his shoulder. The new med must be very strong, you can already tell.

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Pumpkin,” he rolls his eyes, faking his surprise.

“Fuck…” you whisper, sweating even if you are cold as ice. “This crap is messing me up, I think I need to go home now…” “Penthouse or your house?” J gives you the choice, instantly serious.

“My house, please,” you groan in pain when he helps you up. He signals you to get on his back and you obey, enjoying the piggyback ride. At this point it would be hard for you to walk anyway.

“Why do you have finding out who Batsy is on your list?! Like, why do we care to know who that jerk is ?! Our job is to keep him busy since he seems the type that gets bored easily, am I right? Hey, Doll, wake up,” he pats your leg and you moan, napping since you are so tired and uncomfortable. As soon as you get home, you’ll definitely need at least two painkillers.

The Joker continues to walk, basically talking to himself at this point.

“I know you also wanted to steal more diamonds but I can’t take you on a heist like this: consider it crossed off your idiotic Bucket list. I got you 3 boxes of jewelry so it should be fine for now. We gotta work with what we have, hm?”

He lifts you up higher on his back and struts on the beach.

“Hey, Y/N, I’ll send the boys to get the other vehicle… God, Princess, you’re so light,” he puckers his lips, listening to your heavy breathing in his ear. “I really don’t want you to die…” he stops in his tracks and gently spanks your thighs behind his back. “But I really do hate you, I lied when I said I don’t…”

“Mmmm…” you grumble in your sleep, probably out of it.

J takes advantage of you not being able to fight him and restarts walking:

“You know why it’s clouded? I bet you anything it is because of your big butt, hm? We are having a solar eclipse right now and you’re responsible,” he grins and squints his eyes when he senses your fingers nipping his skin.

“I heard that…” you protest, too tired to do more and doze off again.

The Joker mischievously snickers, sprinting towards the cars he can see in the distance.

He is not the ideal knight in shining armor and you are not the same woman you were before you got ill. But you gotta work with what you have.

Life’s too short to complain.

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Here is my story, I was working and slipped and fell on my side (I did file a accident report). At first I felt fine just a numbness in my side and thinking it would go away, but as the months went by the numbness went away to only be replaced by a pain. I took pain medications to ease it and it helped relieve the pain but now it hardly does anything, if anything at all. I am like 6'4 and before the accident I weighed around 230, now I am climbing to 320??? Oh, I am 25. Oh, and I have been fighting my insurance for 5 years. I cannot exercise to lose weight because the pain in my side prevents me to do daily activities for long or if any at all. I have grown severely depressed as in that I have gained all this weight and feel disgusted with the way I look like and try to avoid any human contact or be seen because I feel disgusting with the way I look. I hope I have said all I needed to do. I just feel I cannot function as a normal person in society anymore. And times if there is no hope for me, I feel as if maybe the best solution for me is to commit suicide because I just feel so much like a freak to the world now.""

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I got myself a DUI 6-7 years ago. I was told by many that prices of insurance would go down after 5 but apparently it's after 10 years. I am on a very low budget but drive for work and drive to where there is no bus or train to take care of my parents. please if any one knows any good but cheap insurance for an older 4wd car. thanks.

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I'm thinking of rooting my phone but it is still under warranty and I am paying insurance for my phone using a different company. Will rooting my pg phone affect my insurance in any way?

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I need affordable health insurance?

I live in Monmouth Co., NJ, and I need to find affordable health insurance. I was covered under my parents insurance when I was in college, but I am now 22, and own my own home w/ my fiance. My job does not offer health insurance, but I make a decent amount of $ there. I am getting married in 2008, so I will be covered under my spouse's insurance then, but I need to go to the dr. now! Nothing life threatning, but I would like to have the piece of mind knowing, god forbid, if anything happened. Please help!""

How much would my car insurance cost?

If i were to leave my parents insurance plan, how much would it cost me for insurance per year or month? I am 18 years old with no accident records, no criminal records, and a drivers ed discount. My car is a 1997 Plymouth Breeze with 150k miles and its red. I still live at home. If someone is in the same kind of situation can I just get an estimate...I think this covers everything that effects car insurance for college students, and I don't have a good grade discount. Oh yeah, I am on Liberty Mutual insurance under my fathers plan.""

Insurance for you stocks?

Is there any type of insurance for purchasing stocks, like if I lose a lot of money somebody will pay me back? Why not? You just pay a premium every so often and if you lose the company gives you 75% percent back but take claim of your stocks, it would take the fear out of investing!""

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in a month i will need health insurance for my wife where can i go to get good honest help do you know of any insurance companies to stat away from or recommendations

I am trying to find affordable heath insurance in CA?

I would also like some info on what the deductibles mean, etc.""

Health insurance and pregnancy?

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Last week a minor - unlicensed male - put Escalade, his mother's vehicle, in reverse and ran into the front of my stopped Toyota Corolla. We happened to be in front of his mother's house so he ran inside and she and her son came out soon after. The mother gave me all of her info: insurance etc. and I went on my disgruntled way. I called her insurance company, and mine too, the same day and made a report. It has been one week and after repeated attempts to call and then sending her a letter for a reply she still has not made any contact with either insurance carrier. I did not bother with a police report because last year, when the same kind of accident happened to me, I called the police and they came and told me they did not need to take a report and that we should just contact our insurance companies. This is an accident that happened on 4-20-2010 in northern California. What are my options?""

Is this car insurance thing true?

I heard online that in Texas if you drive less than 35 miles a day, you'll get a HUGE discount in your insurance. It this true? Or is this just a lie?""

Vw Lupo S insurance group 1.4L?

What insurance group would a 1.4L Lupo be in. Also roughly what price would it be in that group. Im 17 and after a quote with no modifications.

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i have car insurance with one car i have full no claims discount,i now am thinking of running another car in my name so i got a quote for this car from my insurance company,.they said as the second car i want to insure i have none no claims discount i have to start again and earn it,.So if i get a quote from a different car insurance company,will these conditions still apply to me.""

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My father is looking for medical insurance that covers stuff like x-rays, perscription, doctor visits, etc. Does anyone have a good medical inssurance company that covers that stuff ...show more""

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I'm buying a car today and I already have the insuance and can leave with the car today once I give a down payment. However, the car dealer and I were speaking on the phone and he told me he can give me the same car and year but with more features like a Nav Panel on the dashboard and bluetooth and a couple of other smaller details like USB ports. Now my question would be, with these new features that don't exactly change much from the car I was originally getting, would this make my insurance go up?""

What car with...cheap insurance?

Hi all.... Well I have my test in 2wks I have 2x 2hour lessons a wk so I best pass! Ha Anyway I need abit of advice on cars and insurance, I am 21year old female. Can anyone suggest any cheap insurance company and what type of car may be best I have 2000 pound currently saved for my first car! Thanks xx and wish me luck ha x""

Pregnancy insurance?

How much does pregnancy insurance cost for a young couple? I'm not pregnant yet, and we're both healthy. Just want to play it safe... :p Thanks so much everyone! :)""

Cheap insurance in NC for a young driver?

- I am 19, had a license for 9 months. - I have had auto insurance one time for a month just to get my license (does that mean a lapse in insurance) - I want a non owners policy, so I can go get a car at a dealership - I am a girl - I have had""

Why are these insurance premiums so high?

so when i use to drive legally with insurance, i payed about 600 down and like 180 a month. but now when im looking for new insurance, i see monthly premiums for $900!! if car is financed, or min coverage of $400 for an owned car? i dont understand... can car insurance really be this expensive or is there something going on here? i got the quotes from online by the way...""

quotes about life insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-can-i-afford-car-insurance-17-18-year-old-anthony-peterson/"

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krolock-in-the-snowlock · 4 years

Text

Part 2 - Broadway’s Dance of the Vampires Commentary

Act 2

• And here we are again, after taking a week or two to recover from act 1

• I have no idea what’s going to happen but I’m gonna finish what I started, no matter what it takes

• Ok the video is ready, I don’t think I am but here we go

• Ok well the opening music was more like titanic than tanz

• Ooh ok we have lots of vague figures on stairs, probably vampires but it’s hard to tell with the 480p video quality

• Hmmm are we having a reprise of totale finsternis?

• That staircase is looking

• Glad to see the audience is cracking up again at the use of total eclipse of the heart

• Those couple guys are having a great time

• They’re like

• haHAAA

• Good for them

• Glad someone’s enjoying this

• I would be annoyed that this whole thing is seen as funny when the original scene is really cool but hey this whole thing is just one big old parody so what could I expect

• Distancing myself from it by calling it a parody is the only thing getting me through thiis

• I don’t think they’re using all the same lyrics as total eclipse so at least there’s that

• But the lyrics are too romancey and soppy ugh

• Michael your singing is actually quite nice aside from the hint of giovannui at the edges of your words

• ARE THEY NOT DOING THE HARMONIES

• NO

• The harmonies are the best part of the song noooo

• And I think his voice would probably harmonise quite well

• And he ISN’T SINGING TURN AROUND WITH THE BACKING SINGERS

• wHY

• there was no dramatic krolock walking down the staircase slowly

• but then again I don’t think giovanni could do that

• he’d probably trip on the second step, crash down the stairs and be like I’m a-fine! Hee hee!

• Oh

• Oh no

• I think they are doing harmonies but they’re just

• Wrong

• So wrong

• Or maybe good ol’ giovanni has just forgotten the key he’s supposed to be singing in

• Entirely possible

• I don’t think giovanni would particularly care about the rules of music

• Oh giovanni is literally just like come to the gates of hell with me and sarah seems chill with iy

• She’s singing along

• She’a having a good time

• NOOO they harmonised poorly during the verse where there should be no harmonies but they sTILL WON’T HARMONISE IN THE CHORUS

• I HATE IT

• -22/10 would not listen again

• But then that sums up the whole musical tbh

• The phrase ‘hold me tight’ should not be in this song

• Wrong vibes my friends

• This fails the vibe check

• Oh no they’re attempting a couple of the original harmonies

• 2 lines in and it’s not going well

• ???????

• Wait

• They’re both singing harmonies for sarah’s line but NOBODY IS SINGING SARAH’S LINE

• Sarah sing your own part

• What r u doing

• Sarah

• This is horrible pls stop

• Once again the staging is mostly just the two pigeons again

• Except the squawking is more evenly split between the two

• Back and forth

• Wait

• Hmm

• There appears to be either a cult or aa group of monks (is there a name for that? A flock of pigeons, a murder of crows, a prayer of monks?) gathering in the backgroubd

• Did nobody tell them yhis room was taken

• Or maybe sarah and giovanni didn’t book the room

• Maybe it’s just turned midnight and their hour is up

• Someone check the dramatic staircase room booking sheet pls

• Ok ok but there’s nothing you can do, a total eclipse of the heart??

• The whole point is that sarah is trying to choose to be free and make her own choices

• If there’s nothing she can do then that sort of defeats the purpose

• Oh wait yeah this sarah wasn’t locked up

• Never mind

• None of this makes sense anyway

• Really missing krolock’s cape rn

• Nothing looks as good without it

• If giovanni had a cape he might even make it from a -13/10 to nearly a 1/10

• Oh the cult is following giovanni

• Maybe he invited them..?

• Having that many candles on the stairs cab’t be practical

• And tbh is frankly quite dangerous if u ask me

• …and once again we end with some undeservinf applause

Round 4: the boys are back in town

• Ah here comes alfred with his self-narration

• Did he just lightly crack the fourth wall..?

• Oh god and the vampire hunting squad is joined by giovanni ‘buonasera’ von krolock

• Ew did he just say scrumptious? That word should be spoken by grannies and posh mothers alone

• I love how he’s just sat in a throne in the middle of nowhere

• Is this outside his castle? Inside? Somewhere else entirely? We may never know

• Oh sorry I stand corrected it appears I have been incorrectly naming giovanni this whole time

• His full name appears to be count giovanni coppolini travancoli von krolock (or something along those lines) of the sicilian side of the family

• Albus percival wulfric brian dumbledore anyone?

• I just.

• Why is he italian

• Krolock does not sound remotely italian

• Do vampires have a connection to italy?

• If so I am not aware

• Once again, I must ask: why is 75% of the staging of this musical just people stood at opposite ends of the stage facing each other

• Those bats look like family? I guess they would

• Oh my god why is alfred threatening giovanni

• I guess nobody’s gonna be pretending not to know what the others are

• Which gets straight to the point I suppose

• While not necessarily good at self-preservation, alfred sure is efficient

• But maybe too efficient because we still have an hour left to go

• This version of alfred is like a chihuahua with small dog sydrome yapping at a bigger dog, excpet giovanni is only slightly bigger than him and is probably a flea-infested chinese crested dog dressed in a halloween costume from wish.com

• …piccolo alfredo.

• This scene is really bringing out the offensively fake italian in giovanni

• WHY. IS. HE. OFFERING. ALFRED. A. SPONGE. SHAPED. LIKE. A. PENIS

• WHY IS HE MAKING IT GO FLACCID EWWWW NOOO

• I NEED EYE AND BRAIN BLEACH

• Are they saying… erbert..?

• Oh yay he’s french

• Quick tip, directors: the french would not pronounce the t either unless you added an e at the end (I think)

• Also e is more like air rather than er from what I remember

• So really it would be airbair??

• Which is stupid

• Tl;dr: do not make him french and still call him herbert

• Oh and herbert wearing bright blue? No thx I prefer his purple sparkles and black

• His hair and wig aren’t even done well *sigh* herbert would hate this

• See giovanni made a joke and the audience clearly liked it but I could not catch a word of what he said

• Oh god this herbert is wrong

• Herbert never actually speaks to krolock in tanz

• Which tbh is a shame but i prefer it over… whatever this is…

• Huh so it is set in transylvania, giovanni and airbear are just italian and french bc y not

• Neat

• Cool cool cool

• Wait so they were in the library the whole time???????

• I’m so confused rn

• Why does his library have a coffee bar..? you know what, never mind

• Ah ambronsius is clearly about to sing his book song

• …or maybe not? Giovanni is apparently trying to seduce him too..?

• The staging is a bit like vor dem schloss

• It’s the right time for it but who knows

• And one of the first decent harmonies of the musical is a line between giovanni and ambronsius singing about books bc apparently this is a book club now

• Oh no is koukol called boris

• If it isn’t boris johnson I’m gonna be disappointed (or relieved)

• Apparently the throne just glides backwards

• Like a magic carpet exceot it doesn’t leave the ground so i suppose actually more like a chair with wheels, which is much less exciting

• That didn’t deserve a clap

• I can’t figure out if they’re being open about their intentions or not because they seem to change their minds every 10 seconds

• There’s suddenly a bed?

• Oh god ok let’s see if they mess up carpe noctem

• Well the music is for an entirely different song so this will be interesting

• Hmm ok it is that completly different song

• Is that airbear..?

• Or alfred #2?

• Bc it should be krolock singing that song but idek

• At least we get a cape and mostly good singing

• Ah here we go

• Carpe noctem looking its usual weird self

• oH GOD NOT ITS USUAL SELF

• I do not remember winged demons dancing on the bed in the original

• But hey there’s more capes

• Something to be grateful for

• I’m really not sure what’s going on here

• Oh ok I can finally see the dream krolock

• He’s doing all those jumps in a suit rather than shirtless with leggings so he looks a little less cool sorry to him

• But yh i still have no idea who is singing the main vocals

• And it’s over

• Ha alfred lowkey looks like brian david gilbert in that one bit

• Sorry alfred your i’m scared but i’m gonna do this for sarah song isn’t quite as sweet when you’re super confident

• One thing i never understood was how ambronsius slept through alfred’s singing

• Ah it appears he did not

• He’s hugging ambronsius..?

• Does he do that in the original?

• Ha ha very funny professor sibilance and homovampiricus

• Oh and alfred happily just whacks chagal on the head nice nice totally in character

• The coffins are empty???

• Why is chagal in a nice coffin

• Where does giovanni sleep

• I guess in his floating mansion of a coffin

• If anything herbert would have that

• WHY IS MRS CHAGAL HERE

• WHY IS ALFRED EAGER TO KILL CHAGAL

• Oh he’s finally turning magda

• ..and his wife?

• Apparently

• Are they in a polyamorous relationship now

• They will not all fit in that one coffin I’m sorry

• And here’s herbert

• Ew herbert is so cheap

• Like he was flirty in the original but this is ridiculous

• Ugh too many cheap gay jokes

• airbear is sO much worse than I could have imagined

• Huh maybe alfred is confirmed a little bi here

• Ok yeah alfred is definitely having his bi awakening here

• And at least the whole thing is a little more consensual here

• Oh yeah alfred’s bi as hell, he’s singing harmonies with airbear

• But he’s still trying to escape?

• I guess he is a bit confused

• Wait so airbear ended that thinking alfred wanted him? Different but more accurate to the events

• 40 minutes to go

• Mrs krolock is apparently a disguise he uses around sarah too? Ok

• Well the vampires are about to wake so this is where things really should start getting good but I’m sure they won’t

• I don’t like that one of them laughed

• I don’t think they’re even harmonising

• Lazy

• Ah ok here we go harmonies

• These are nice actually

• The lower part is louder than usual, which actually works quite nicely

• The vampires aren’t as jolty and creepy though

• Ew the guitar is bad

• What was that horrible whining between notes

• Oooh this should be sie irren professor

• Oh no, I guess giovanni has decided to bypass the threatening and has gone straight to physical assault

• There’s a prophecy? Alright then. Bit abrupt

• Dammit so they’re going straight into die unstillbare gier without sie irren professor

• Maybe it’s for the best… giovanni was never going to sound that threatening anyway

• Half an hour to go

• I can do this

• Let’s see how he massacres one of the best songs in the musical

• Also he’s starting the song at the front of the stage not the top, and it’s just weird

• When giovanni has been so comedic and dumb the whole time this song just won’t work

• …and the firsg two lines don’t rhyme… great start

• He has a cape though

• Pls I just want 1 cape swish

• Oh but the cape is pathetic

• Oh

• This song could have been good

• But the lyrics aren’t as good in places and he’s still got hints of giovanni’s stupid accent

• What a tragedy

• Well they’re giving a little more detail about his previous victims which is interesting at the very least

• The lyrics don’t have enough syllables

• And ugh they’re not very good either

• There are a few nice ones but most of them…

• I use my body just like a bandage, I use my body just like a wound

• And the prize for worst lyric yet goes to…

• And what makes it worse is that those replaced ich will frei und freier werden und werde meine ketten nicht los

• One of my favourite parts of the song

• And I just want to add that he’s barely moving too

• He doesn’t climb to the top and run down to collapse on the floor

• He just. Stands there.

• Like a badly dressed rock.

• Oh but the stage tilts now to form a straight wall

• So it’s not even like they couldn’t have the stage rise as he runs down

• They just left it raised for him to do nothing on and then got rid of it completely

• They replaced doch die with buuuuuut which does NOT work at all

• You need two syllables to separate the two notes

• This is awful

• They changed the tune a tiny bit which is fine I guess, not as satisfying though

• I just

• *sigh*

• His voice is good. With good lyrics and the original character, he could have done it really well

• I hate that potential was wasted

• Which, again, goes for the whole trainwreck of a musical

• I can’t make out all of the lyrics and I’m not sure if that’s a mild annoyance or a blessing

• Like, i have no idea what he said in the last little bit

• But hey that’s that

Part 3 - The Ball and Beyond

#tanz der vampire #dance of the vampires #ready for the final part?

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