#eddie feels like her name after she transitions too

[unspecifiedfigure]

i don’t see what anyone could see in anyone else

[wallydrling]

go away (or don't)

pairing: wally darling/reader

rating: g

author's note: gender neutral reader to the best of my ability! i'm very new to welcome home so please be kind @:)

ao3 (it looks so much better there! go to hell, tumblr!)

Your relationship with Wally, new as it may be, is not without its challenges.

The transition from friends to something more had been a bit of a sticky subject at first, tacky to the touch. But a dozen long conversations and drawn-out explanations had really cleared a lot of things up, and by the end of your first official month as Home's newest couple, things had seemed to be tilting towards hopeful.

Now, as you stand in the middle of Wally's living room, arms folded over your chest, you're not positive that you didn't rush into things.

You aren't mad at him. He is standing just a few feet away, face carefully blank, arms limp by his sides. He is nearly impossible to be mad at. But for all your talk of boundaries, you'd forgotten to discuss something very important with him; your dedication to your friendship with Julie.

"She spends the night with you," Wally says, voice even. "A lot. I don't even get to spend the night with you."

He'd been upset to find out that your twice-weekly sleepovers with Julie hadn't stopped even after your relationship with him kicked into gear. You hadn't brought it up during any of your discussions because you didn't think it mattered. You weren't– you aren't– willing to change anything about your relationship with Julie. You won't sacrifice it. It's too important to you.

"Julie is my friend," you tell him. It's important to keep a level head. Getting upset will only make the situation worse. "I'm not going to stop spending time with her just because you and I are together."

"She lies in your bed," he says. "With you. Beside you."

Bickering with him is…not what you expected it would be. Despite him being more in touch with his emotions than ever, it still doesn't transfer well into his voice. He speaks slowly, the cadence near-robotic, and it's difficult for you to decipher how intense the emotions that he's feeling actually are right now. He doesn't look mad. He isn't smiling, and his eyes are slightly narrowed, but besides that, he is a blank slate. It's as infuriating as it is confusing.

"Wally," you sigh, uncrossing your arms. "She's just a friend, okay? I'm allowed to have friends."

He tilts his chin up defiantly, and there it is–something to latch on to.

"I don't think it's appropriate," he says. "Frank and Eddie don't sleep in other neighbors' beds."

"You do understand that we can't model our entire relationship around Frank and Eddie's, right?" You ask, quirking a brow.

"You're not listening," he huffs. His hands twitch at his sides, fingertips curling into his palms. "You're being unkind."

"No," your jaw flexes subconsciously. "You're being unreasonable."

He lifts his eyes to the ceiling. "Home? Do you think I'm being unreasonable?"

There's a subtle creak, and a consecutive bang, bang.

"Well, there you have it," his mouth curls up into a smile, but it is smug and a little bit cruel.

"Wha–You can't ask Home!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up. "That isn't fair! This is between you and I."

He mimics your earlier stance by crossing his arms over his chest. It's a little off; a little clunky, but he gets the gist of it. He looks closed off, and hurt, and maybe angry. You can't read his eyes well enough. It's a learning process, and he is the kind of book that people spend hundreds of years decoding.

"I think you've overstayed your welcome," He nods towards the front door, and it swings open. "Goodbye, neighbor."

You don't move. He's kicking you out? Your legs feel like they've been cased in cement, and your tongue is heavy in your mouth. No. The argument cannot end like this. There has to be a resolution, or the two of you will never come back from this. Your relationship is too new to handle something so detrimental.

"Wally," you try. His name sounds soft and sweet in your voice because, for all the bickering and the mean words, you cannot be mad at him. You just can't.

"Please leave," he says. He shifts on his feet. "I think I'm…mad. And I really, really don't want to be mad at you, but I don't know how not to be. So, you should go."

You appreciate the fact that he is attempting to explain his feelings. That he's digging deep, and being honest with you. You know that it hasn't been easy for him, learning about conceptualizing emotions, and letting himself take the time to decode them. He has struggled. You've helped him through almost-panic attacks too many times to count. He gets overwhelmed sometimes, and you know that, even for you, relationships aren't simple. Standing up to you, it must be difficult.

"Relationships are hard, sometimes," you say, taking a step towards him. "It's normal to be angry with your partner when you both disagree on something very important. And…I know that trying to talk about it can be frustrating."

He relaxes just slightly at your words; you see it in the way his shoulders droop. He still has his arms crossed over his chest, but he is looking at you now, and his eyes go round at the edges. They lose their sharpness.

"Frank and Eddie disagree on things, too," you continue. "Being partners with someone means compromising."

"Compromising," Wally repeats. "But you won't–you're not compromising with me."

"Let's sit down and talk about it some more," you suggest, offering him a warm smile. "We should never intentionally hurt each other, alright? If my sleepovers with Julie have hurt your feelings, I want to make that right."

You take a seat on his sofa, patting the spot next to you. He hesitates for a moment, and then sits down, too. His ankles cross, and he folds his hands in his lap.

"You don't like it when I have sleepovers with Julie because she lies in my bed with me?" You ask. You're careful with your words, with your tone. You don't want to upset him further, or have him close himself off.

He nods. "I've read Julie's romance books, and when two people love each other, they always share a bed."

Ah, yes. Since the realization of his feelings for you, Wally has been in love with the idea of love. He reads Julie's silly, cliché stories, and asks Frank and Eddie questions that are perhaps a bit too personal. He is smart and curious, and he's always wanting to learn. This–all things romance– has just been his newest fixation. You're not sure that Julie's books or Frank and Eddie's ever-changing dynamic are the best references for him, though. He is not like the love interest in a romance novel. He shouldn't try to compare himself to anyone else.

"Sharing a bed isn't always romantic," you explain. "There are a lot of different kinds of love. But," you reach out to place a hand on his knee, soothing, and he lets you. Does not move away, so you take that as a good sign. "If me sharing a bed with someone else makes you uncomfortable, I'm willing to compromise. How about when Julie comes over, she lies in my bed, and I sleep on the couch?"

He takes a moment to think about this. You see the cogs turning in his head, the way his mouth straightens out, and then pulls down at the corners.

"Okay," he says. "I think that would be…okay. I would feel happier with that."

"And," you tell him, "you can't keep basing your idea of love around what you read in books, okay? All relationships are different. You have to learn to navigate it through experience."

"I just," he looks down, eyes closing for a second. "I have questions, sometimes. I don't know where to find answers."

Your hand slides up to cup his cheek, and his skin goes a little pink beneath your touch.

"Next time you have a question, just ask me about it, alright?" You say. Your thumb smooths along his skin, and you brush a bit of blue hair behind his ear. "We'll work on it together."

"I like how that sounds," he smiles, eyes twinkling beneath high noon's light beaming in through the windows. "Together."

Pleased now, he scoots closer to you on the couch. His mouth curves up, and he gets this mischievous look on his face that you've come to associate with his silly little antics. He dives forward and kisses the round apple of your cheek, darting away with a sweet, "muah!"

"So you're not mad at me anymore, then?" You ask, tips of your ears warm.

He shakes his head. "Not mad. Sorry I tried to make you leave earlier."

You take his face between your hands, and squish his cheeks until his mouth puckers up. He looks goofy and open and so, so happy. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you press forward and kiss him on the mouth, once, then twice. The pink on his face goes deeper, and his ears turn red, too.

"I'm sorry for not taking your feelings seriously at first," you say. "I accept your apology. Do you accept mine?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. "Maybe a few more kisses will sway me."

You laugh, falling against his chest, and he wraps both arms around your shoulders. He is soft, and smells like cedar and sunlight. You breathe him in, and tilt your head back to leave a little kiss to his jawline.

"You drive a hard bargain, Darling. I suppose I've got no choice but to bend to your will."

You tackle him onto the couch until he's lying on his back, head propped up on the arm rest. You pin his wrists by his sides and leave chaste kisses all over his face, each one signed with a tiny smack, and a "muah!" He laughs, and it is still drawn out and slow and stale, but it is so very him, and that's all you have ever wanted.

He buries his devastatingly cute, "ha, ha, ha's" into your shoulder, and you kiss him and kiss him until the both of you are breathless, and the sun begins to set.

[zavala-z]

Fic idea

A fire breaks out late at night at Bucks apartment building. The 911 call isn’t pick up by Maddie(she’s in her honeymoon) and the 118 aren’t dispatched.

We transition to Eddies place where he’s scrolling through photos of him buck and Chris. He’s trying to process his feelings for his best friend. Ever since Buck and Tommy got together he’s been hit with the realization that his feeling for Buck go beyond platonic. But he doesn’t know what to do he can’t go confess his feelings to his taken best friend. Would Buck reject him?Would their friendship survive that ? How would this affect Chris? Tommy probably wouldn’t appreciate him hitting on his boyfriend ether.

So Eddie goes to his living room and turns on the tv he’s not gonna fall asleep if he continues thinking about this. He turns on the tv and sees Bucks apartment burning down.

Bobby get woken up by his cell phone. On the other side Eddie is frantically asking him if he knows where Buck is. He’s been calling but there’s no answer. Once Bobby is able to calm Eddie down a bit he explains what’s going on and that he’s on his way to Bucks place. Bobby tells him he’s also on to head over there and try to get ahold of Buck.

Eddie arrives and immediately sees Bucks jeep and freaks out. He run to the building yelling Bucks name. The crew there stop him and try to calm him down but is doesn’t work and he starts to get violent.

Bobby also arrives and is able to pull Eddie back. Explaining to the captain he’s also a fire fighter and that his son lives there and if they e seen him. ( he doesn’t realize he called Buck is son) . The captain is like we’re still pulling people out but we know someone fitting Bobby’s description did run back inside the building.

The building proceeds to collapse.

five bodies where pulled from the building three males and all too burnt to be identified. Buck is still missing.

Bobby and Eddie are at the 118 station. Eddie is a mess he’ll never be able to tell buck how he feels and chris has lost another parent. How is he going tell Chris how is he going to raise Chris alone when he’s had Buck all this time by his side. Bobby is spaced out he can’t process what just happened he doesn’t want to believe it. Bucks going to walk through the front of the firehouse any minute and it’ll all be okay it has to be okay. He can’t lose another son.

Earlier

Buck wakes up draped on top of Tommy. They had fallen asleep on Tommy’s couch after a movie and a few beers. The couch was surprisingly comfortable. They had over slept and Buck was going to be late for his shift.

Buck forgot to hookup his phone last night and Tommy’s car wire isn’t compatible with his phone.

Tommy takes Buck straight to the firehouse so he isn’t more late than he already is . Tommy and Buck kiss goodbye with the promise that Tommy will pick Buck up once his shift is over and they’ll spend the night at bucks place. And Buck makes his way into the station.

[detachedfacade]

it took eddie a long time to make a move. stevie had all but given up. she hadn't necessarily expected him to, but there were moments, lingered touches, flirtation, that felt meaningful. but eddie never really took it the extra step.

stevie didn't realise the over confidence eddie had while flirting was a front. it was only when, while getting high, sitting by her parents pool, that eddie revealed he had been a virgin until he was 20. only a couple of sad handjobs given and received was his sexual experience prior to meeting stevie. "that near death experience really sets a fire beneath you though" eddie had said, had figured if he wanted to not die a virgin he ought to make a move. so he'd gone to the gay bar he frequented a week after the accident and finally went through with it. "and honestly," he said, "I haven't since. not that I didn't like it, I meant I'm sure it will be better with someone I actually like it's just...I still kind of feel like a virgin. like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm scared people will see through that."

stevie couldn't relate, she had more experience than most people she knew, with both men and women. so she knew what she was doing. though, it was definitely the drugs influence that led her to reach out her hand to eddie and say. "i could help you practice."

it seemed after the first step was taken, everything else fell into place. suddenly the weight between them lifted and they could admit, aloud, that they had had crushes on one another. and for how long. "since I met you, honestly. " eddie said.

"did it change? when I..."

"oh my god stevie, yes. since you transitioned it fucking tripled if not more I...I didn't really realise I could like you more but jesus christ you proved me wrong."

stevie was blushing. "that was ...the right thing to say." she said. "I am a bit...or I was a bit scared that since you were gay it wouldn't ever go anywhere..."

eddie shifted in bed. "yeah. I mean I had crushes on girls too, sometimes. I mean debbie harry? c'mon, i'm only human. like robin said, sexuality is fluid."

"robin told you about that conversation?"

"she did, but only after we started...whatever this is." eddie motioned between himself and stevie.

"whatever this is?" stevie replied. "what do you want it to be?"

It was eddie's turn to blush now. "I think I'd like for you to be my girlfriend, stevie."

It became quickly obvious to eddie that whenever her parents were home, stevie would do her best to stay out longer. she would suggest diners and nightclubs and long drives until eddie would say "baby, let's just go back to mine."

of course it wasn't always convenient, wayne being there most nights. but as stevie said, she was 'like a ninja' and could totally sneak in unheard. eddie couldn't stop laughing at the sight of her scrambling up the side of the trailer, his figurines clattering across the floor as she pushed her way into the window. their shared laughter at the moment was made even worse when Wayne knocked and told them to use the door next time.

and so she did. but she insisted, said if wayne was going to know she was there, shouldn't they meet properly? so eddie set a date, and he cooked wayne's favourite dinner, and he let stevie in when she knocked on the front door this time, snuck a kiss before wayne would notice. and wayne said "nice to properly meet you stevie." before taking his seat at the head of the table.

from then she was always round, wayne was always happy to see her, and though he admitted he was still learning 'all this stuff' he never misgendered her.

even when stevies father finally came round, he would still repeatedly dead name her, but wayne, wayne never did. not once. srevie even overheard him, smoking outside with her father, defending her. telling her father, "you ought to get your head screwed on and protect your daughter with everything you have because god knows it isn't going to be easy. and you say you love her, you say you only want her to be happy but don't you see? she is happy." and her father never admitted defeat, but stevie found herself on the receiving end of some stilted affection from then on, and she felt that maybe it wouldn't be all bad going home. eventually.

but by that point, she and eddie had already planned to move in together. It was bound to happen sooner or later. three people couldn't fit into that tiny trailer.

so they got a place on the outskirts of the city, far enough away to start fresh but close enough to visit their loved ones without much hassle. and for a long time Stevie hadn't imagined a part in her life that she would leave hawkins and have any intention of returning, but then robin happened, and eddie happened, and wayne happened and her father looked her in the eye and said "I always wanted a daughter. you make sure you call, okay stevie?" and having something to return for felt so fucking nice.

but the new life in the city was even fucking nicer. no one around to dead name her or ask invasive questions. only herself and eddie finding their feet in a city that didn't know them, and would accept them for who they were. and if it didn't, they would always have love to return to in their shared apartment, in their shared bed, in their shared life. because even if the world was uncertain and scary, everyone could see, stevie and eddie were soul mates.

check out the full collection of stevie drabbles on ao3

[boldlyvoid]

Midnight Runner part 2

18+ Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson

Summary: having a crush during the end of the world was difficult

Warnings: season 4 canon scenes just fruitier, coming out, teasing, flirting, overprotective steve

word count: 9.4k

Fic Masterlist

Steve convinces Robin to take a trip to the grocery store before heading over to pick up Dustin and Max. She doesn’t question it, she thinks it’s actually kinda cute that he wants to take care of Eddie as much as he can. He gets mostly snacks, things for breakfast and a pack of cigarettes for good measure.

Withdrawal isn’t fun and he was stressed as fuck, Steve would want a smoke too.

They didn’t talk much about it last night, not that Robin didn’t try and ask why he was being so quiet, Steve just didn’t know what to say. He has had these mixed feelings about Eddie for years… he was loud and opinionated and seemingly fearless. He had no problem biting back, sometimes he started shit for fun and he always knew how to end it. He’s probably been in more fights than Steve and yet Steve has never seen him with a black eye. Anytime Steve saw him on the bench outside the principal's office, he was waiting for his uncle to pick him up after another suspension with an icepack on his ringless fingers. He can't remember if he had his rings on that night… he was so caught up in the feeling of everything else that he can't place those little details anymore.

He couldn’t wait to see Eddie again. After a long night of only thinking about him, he wanted nothing more than to be in his presence and see his eyes and hear his voice. He knew he was pretty before, but now he was everything… he’s almost glad he never believed Robin that his mystery man was Eddie because a year of this crush he was feeling would’ve killed him. One day is already almost unbearable.

In the car, Dustin and Max explain everything they heard on the radio that night and Robin tells them that they couldn’t get a hold of Nancy, apparently, she was working late at the newspaper and must’ve stayed out… Mrs. Wheeler was worried about her, and wanted them to call if or when they heard from her, just to be safe with everything going on.

At least one of their parents was worried for them.

Everyone takes a bag out of Steve’s trunk and walks them back towards the boat house. The street is quiet, the lake is empty apart from the ducks that can be heard… and what sounds like a loon?

“Delivery service!” Dustin announces their presence as soon as the door opens.

They find Eddie in the corner, broken beer bottle still in hand, terrified, “Jesus Christ!”

Steve just smiles and gives him a little wave, the kind where all his fingers wiggle and he can’t help but smile harder. “Hi…”

Eddie sighs and relaxes, “hi.”

“We come bearing gifts,” Robin says, walking over to him while opening one of the bags, “you’re not lactose intolerant right?”

He laughs, “no… what did you bring?”

“We thought you’d like some cereal and chips… and goldfish? There’s some water, a few cokes and chocolate milk,” Robin explains.

Eddie takes a seat with his things and immediately rips open the box of cereal, he accompanies it with chocolate milk, alternating between handfuls of cereal and swigs of milk, he eats like a feral dog.

"So we’ve got some good news and some bad news. How do you prefer?" Dustin asks before diving in.

“Bad news first, always,” looks at him like he should know that already.

“We tapped into the Hawkins PD dispatch with our Cerebro and they’re definitely looking for you… also, they’re uh, pretty convinced you killed Chrissy.” Dustin explains.

“Like 100% kinda convinced,” Max adds, having been there in Dustin's room when the transitions came through.

“And the good news?” Eddie looks at Dustin with a glimmer of hope still shining in his eyes.

“Your name hasn’t gone public yet,” Robin answers, drawing his attention that way, all while Steve is leaning against the post, watching Eddie with a sorrowful feeling in his chest. The poor boy didn’t deserve this and there was no way for Steve to make it better for him.

“But if we found out about you, it’s only a matter of time before others do, too, and once that gets out everyone and their shallow-minded mother is going to be gunning for you,” Robin keeps rambling, knowing much more about Eddie than the other kids, she knew what things the town was going to say about him and the name started with and F.

“Hunt the Freak, right?” Eddie look her in the eye, he could tell she meant a different word but it still fit.

“Exactly.”

“Shit.”

“So, before that happens,” Dustin, ever the optimist, jumps in to soothe his anxiety. “We need to find Vecna, kill him and prove your innocence.”

“That’s all, Dustin? That’s all?” Eddie almost snaps because that doesn’t seem simple in the slightest.

“Yeah, no, yeah that’s pretty much it…”

Eddie looks like he could reach over and strangle him, it wasn’t going to be simple, not now, not ever. Even if the plan worked, the cops weren’t going to believe it was a monster from another world that did it. There were monsters in America doing crimes just as bad as this shit every fucking day, no one ever thought it would happen in Hawkins, but it is. Bringing justice to the victims, especially the pretty little white cheerleader, is going to come at a price and sometimes that price was paid by someone the jury of his peers simply didn’t like.

Him.

“Listen, Eddie,” Robin draws him back out of it. “I know everything Dustin is saying sounds totally delusional, but we’ve actually been through this stuff before— I mean, they have…”

Eddie turns to Steve, shocked that this was something he had lived through… which means all the stories Dustin had about Steve being a badass were real. He really did know how to kill anything, he really has protected Dustin from a pack of wolves… even if they were actually from a hell dimension. Steve kept him safe. Steve fought for him. Maybe he’d fight for me too?

“A—a few times, and I have once,” Robin keeps talking, still clearly traumatized by it all. “Mine was more human-flesh-based and theirs was more smoke-related— but bottom line is, collectively, I really think we’ve got this.”

Steve finally chirps in then, “yeah, see we usually rely on this girl who has superpowers, but uh, they went bye-bye, so…”

“Sore we’re technically in more of uh…” Robin tries to keep the assurance up, but everyone else also struggles to find a silver lining.

“Brainstorming phase?” Max finally finds the word.

“Brainstorming!” Steve snaps his fingers and points at him with a smile.

“There’s—there’s nothing to worry about?” Dustin’s voice goes up a pitch like it usually does when he’s lying, causing Eddie to roll his eyes.

Steve scoffs, laughing because he felt awkward, it felt like there was very little hope… especially without Nancy and Joyce. They always knew what to do.

The sound of the siren draws their attention away from Dustin's failed attempt at comforting Eddie. “Tarp! Tarp now!” Robin points to the boat, ushering Eddie over to it and pulling the blue sheet over him.

They rush to the window of the boathouse, crowding the pane, Steve stands on his tip-toes to watch an ambulance head up the road with two cop cars close behind. It isn’t even really a question if they’re going to follow it or not, Dustin simply grabs his bag and heads to the door with Max and Robin in tow. Steve stalls, knowing they have to leave Eddie if they want to go investigate, and he hates leaving him alone, but who else was going to drive the kids towards the danger? Max? Never again.

He takes a moment to tell Eddie it was just an ambulance and they’re going to check it out, he kneels beside the boat and pats Eddie on the shoulder just as he pulls the tarp back, ready to talk but Eddie grabs his wrist, keeping his hand there, “radio me later and tell me what’s going on? Me and Dustin use 96.6 on the AM frequency, no one else should be on it if you have his walkie…”

“Yeah, I will,” he gives him a sweet smile, “don’t worry.”

Steve had the worrying covered for him.

—

They’re alone in the car for maybe 5 seconds before Dustin brings it up, “so… are we gonna talk about… it?”

Steve is too busy watching the door, making sure Max is safe, “huh? Sorry, talk about what?”

For a moment he panics, thinking Dustin saw the way he looked at Eddie, or maybe picked up on all the things Steve bought for Eddie with his own money to make sure he was fed while hiding… or the way Eddie touched him before he left? But no, he once again thinks Steve is in love with every woman he speaks to.

“Your temporary insanity earlier today when you basically threw yourself at Nance?” Dustin exaggerates what just happened at the trailer park.

“First of all, that’s not what happened,” Steve corrects him.

“Pretty sure that’s what happened,” Dustin shrugs, always having to be right.

“No.”

“It was pretty public, there were like a lot of witnesses.”

“Are you implying that I still have a thing for Nance?” Steve just gets it out in the open for him.

“I’m not implying… I’m stating,” Dustin teases as if he’s trying to piss him off. “AND as it relates to your steadfast refusal to date Robin, it’s pretty much the only logical option…”

Steve huffs, that’s the part that makes his blood fill with rage, “thats not the only one… And as for Nance, I was just trying to protect a friend.”

Dustin bites the inside of his lip so he won’t laugh, not believing him at all.

“A friend, Henderson. A Friend. Okay?”

“Okay,” Dustin agrees to settle it but Steve can see in his face that he’s just going to bring it up another time, he wasn’t going to let go of it that easily.

“I don’t want to find her in the morning with her eyes sucked out the front of her skull by this Vecna creep!!” Steve panics and tells him half of the truth. He wasn’t sure if the real truth would bode well with him… sure, Mrs. Henderson was a democrat but that didn’t mean their household was okay with gay people.

The last thing he needed was to lose Dustin at a time like this.

Dustin laughs at him, it’s always funny when Steve is the one to get into these panic rambles. “You’re like bright red in the face right now.”

“No I’m not, I don’t want to talk about it— I’ll punch you so hard in your face your teeth’ll fall back out.”

Mean girl Steve jumped out before he even has a chance to realize the cage was open, he reels her back in and turns to Dustin as he registers what was said, a look of pure regret on his face.

“Woah, too far,” Dustin stares back at him, worried… he’s never been on the receiving end of Steve’s bad attitude.

There’s a pause, they look at each other completely seriously, understanding it was all a bit and it’s over now. “Not cool. Sorry,” he apologizes immediately.

“Not cool, but it’s okay,” Agrees and accepts, nodding softly and smiling, “seriously though… why is it that you’re just friends with two of the prettiest girls I know?”

It's now or never. The last thing he needed was Dustin asking him about the girls in front of Eddie. He didn’t need Eddie thinking he was just some one-time jock in the forest who wanted to try something and never talk about it again. He really liked Eddie. When this is all over, he wants to get to know Eddie better than ever before, better than anyone else knows him. And Dustin was his key to doing that.

“Did you ever consider the fact that maybe girls aren’t the only people I like…?”

Dustin is a bit taken aback by it, he purses his lips and thinks about it for a sec, and then he smiles “really?”

Steve nods, “yeah, so I spend a lot of my time talking to Robin about boys I like… and girls too. I’m just hung up on someone who isn’t Nancy, and it’s not Robin either, I’m just not ready to talk to you about it.”

“Okay,” Dustin is super understanding, “sorry for bugging you all the time, before, I never would’ve thought… but it’s cool. It’s really cool, you’d be a great boyfriend to another dude.”

“Thanks,” he manages to smile. “It’s only you and Robin who know… so don’t tell anyone—

“I would never,” Dustin reaches over and lays his hand on Steve's arm, “I promise.”

“Good,” he pulls Dustin into a hug and pats his back before he lets him go. “Thank you.”

“No problem, man,” Dustin leans back in his seat and looks out the front window as if nothing happened. “Can you not tell me because he’s not out yet and you want him to choose when I find out?”

“No… it’s kinda one-sided right now,” Steve admits. “I would call it a crush but I don’t want you to tease me.”

“No, no, it’s cute,” Dustin smirks, trying not to laugh at him. “Do I know him?”

“Maybe?” He lies, he thinks it’s convincing enough. “I barely know him.”

Dustin looks at him with a smirk, “you know, I have other gay friends who I could hook you up with?”

Steve looks at him funny, “you know other gay people?”

He nods, “yeah, why else do you think we’re all searching for fantasy worlds? This one isn’t accepting, trust me, I know… so we made a cool world in our game where we can all be different and it’s allowed… and I have a feeling based on who has a boyfriend in the game, I know who would love to have a real boyfriend.”

“Are you… gay?” Steve can’t help but ask, they’re more similar than Steve realizes, sometimes.

Dustin shrugs, “never thought too hard about it but it doesn’t gross me out to think about kissing a boy, so, who knows? I’ve just always been bullied for my disability, so in dungeons and dragons I can be both smart and agile, I don’t have to worry about breaking something or being in pain for days after a big game. I feel normal there. Everyone else does too.”

“I’m glad you have that,” Steve smiles thinking about how happy Dustin is after every game and how much that has to do with Eddie. “We really need to find a way to get the police to believe that it wasn’t Eddie… we can’t have you losing that.”

“Right,” Dustin, once again, see’s through him. “So you can take him out on a date after?”

“Do I need to take it too far again?” Steve teases, looking at him with a fake sense of dominance while holding his fist up. He smiles, breaking character and the two of them crack up. Laughing almost too hard to notice Max running towards the car.

—

If Vecna wanted to curse people with sad home lives, why didn’t he just pick Steve?

He’s the only one awake still, involuntarily taking the first watch while the rest of the party went to sleep. Mrs. Wheeler was fine with everyone staying now that she knew where Nancy was, she just made them separate at night. Steve had Dustin and Lucas with him down in the basement while Max and Robin were sharing a sleeping bag on Nancy’s bedroom floor.

Steve has been watching them sleep for about 30 minutes, they’ve been snoring the whole time, he doesn’t think they’ll wake up if he moves but he still gets up slowly. He reaches for Dustin's bag and pulls the walkie out from the front pocket and backs away from their sleeping spot. They don’t even budge, thank god.

In the back corner of the Wheeler’s basement, behind the stairs, is the laundry room and the utility closet, just far enough away from the boys that he wouldn’t be heard. He sits down with his back against the dryer and uses the light on the water heater to see the frequency gauge on the radio.

He moves it to 96.6 and holds down the talk button, “Eddie, you there?”

“Steve?” Eddie questions, knowing for sure it’s not Dustin’s voice coming through. “What’s going on?”

“Do you remember a kid named Fred Benson? He was on the newspaper team with Nancy?”

“Yeah, I know him,” Eddie says with a sigh, he could already tell where this was going.

“So uh, Fred died just like Chrissy. He was at your trailer with Nance to interview Wayne and then he disappeared into the woods and they found him this morning where Cornwallis meet’s Lover’s Lane,” Steve explains and then lets go of the button.

The radio static is all that can be heard, and Eddie is quiet. Too quiet. “You copy?” Steve asks, worried he never heard him.

“Yeah, yeah sorry… Do you think the trailer park is cursed?”

“That’s what I asked when we went back to get Nancy’s car,” Steve shares with a slight smile on his face. It was weird talking to him and not playfully pissing the other off. “But uh, we’ve got more bad news… both Chrissy and Fred were getting headaches, bad dreams and visions before they died, it started gradually and then got worse until they died. It’s probably why Chrissy wanted drugs, she couldn’t handle it alone…”

“She seemed really fucked up, I mean, she’d have to be to come to me?” Eddie believes it, “I guess the trailer park isn’t cursed then because they got sick before coming to the park, they just all happened to die near it?”

Steve hates that he has to tell him this next part.

“Max admitted to us that she has all the symptoms and we were there for her vision… it was so freaky, I’m sorry you had to see the whole thing with Chrissy.”

Eddie bypasses the niceties and goes right to the issue at hand, “So we’re 3 for 3 on connections to just my trailer now,” Eddie says with a sigh.

“Yeah, but at least that gave us somewhere to start looking,” Steve assures him.

“Did you find anything?”

“When Nancy was there with Fred, your uncle told her all about Victor Creel and how he killed his family in the 50’s… she went to the Library and found some articles about it and they’re going to look into it more tomorrow, so I’m not sure if we’ll be able to come see you at all?”

“That’s okay,” Eddie replied, he didn’t really mind.

“Are you okay being there all alone?” Steve asks, still worried for him. It’s just his luck that the first person he’s crushed this hard on since Nancy would end up being wanted for murder. The last thing he needs is for Eddie to get cursed too. “You’re not feeling any of the symptoms?”

“I mean, I have a headache from being up for almost 3 days and when I do sleep I get nightmares because I’m processing the trauma… but yeah, I’m fine. It just sucks being here ‘cause I’m a little afraid of the dark… I’m not gonna lie, Steve, it’s a lot scarier now that I know what’s out there,” Eddie admits.

“I’m sorry…but you’re okay? You still have snacks and you’re warm enough?”

“Dustin wasn’t kidding when he said you were like a mother hen,” Eddie teased him.

Steve laughs then too, holding the button down so he catches the end of his giggle, “yeah, yeah, I take care of the people I care about, sue me, Munson.”

“You care about me, Harrington?” Eddie asks with a fondness in his voice that Steve can hear.

“Yeah,” Steve answers, squeezing his eyes closed with regret. “I mean, Dustin loves you so if anything happened to you he’d be deviated… I have to take care of you for his sake.”

“Yeah, no, I get it, you’re doing it for the kids…” Eddie sounded disappointed almost. “Um, thanks again for the groceries, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m sure Reefer Rick doesn’t have anything edible— I mean, he probably does, I should say he doesn’t have anything that won’t get you high when you eat it in his house,” Steve teases, “I wasn’t going to let you starve, it’s bad enough you’re wanted for murder.”

“Do they really think I was able to kill Fred too? Why don’t they think I’m a victim too if they can’t find me?” Eddie asks, “it’s just straight-up bad police work to think it’s me?”

“If only Hopper was still here, he knew all about this shit,” Steve admits. “He died closing the last gate that opened under the mall.”

“From the girl with the superpowers?”

“No, actually the Russian’s made it but thats another story,” Steve doesn’t want to get into it either. “El closed the first one and Hop died closing the second…. he like adopted her and everything before he died but now she lives with Jonathan Byers and his mom and brother,” Steve explains, “and we can’t get ahold of them in California, so I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

“I should’ve known there was more to that zombie boy story…”

“Yeah… it’s just gotten crazier each year,” Steve can’t believe it either, and this is his 4th go-around. “But we’ve won 3 times, so…”

“The odds look good,” Eddie agrees, somewhat optimistically. “Can you give me the stats, what kills this thing? What’s its weakness?”

“Well, the mindflayer doesn’t like heat so we’ve been just lighting everything on fire, we used fireworks last time cause the monster was fucking huge when normally they’re like either little dog size things and their mouths open like those flowers that eat flies— Venus fly traps, thats it, and there’s some that are like 8 feet tall scary men sized dudes, we call them demogorgons, they also have the big opening mouth for a head, it’s fucking horrific,” Steve doesn’t mean to ramble but he’s never really been able to tell anyone about this stuff, other than Robin.

Eddie stays quiet on the other end, “they’re cold-blooded if they don’t like heat… which would make sense cause you said their world is nasty and dark, right?”

“Yeah, only Nancy, Joyce, Hopper and Will have actually been in the upside down and come back alive, I was in these tunnels between the worlds with the kids— once again, setting shit on fire, to give the others an upper hand… It all works like a hive mind if you burn one thing the whole system suffers.”

“So this Vecna fucker must be the puppet master,” Eddie agrees, “were the other monsters just feelers for what he could do or do you think this is an evolutionary thing?”

“Evolutionary?”

“Yeah, like in my games sometimes one villain has multiple evolutions, it starts small and then gets bigger and badder as time goes on and they take more souls and shit,” Eddie explains. “Maybe that’s why Chrissy and Fred ended up so broken like that… it’s like Vecna is sucking their life force out of them for his own gain?”

“The thing we fought last time was a bunch of infected people from Hawkins who all turned to mush and then formed one big monster with a gaping mouth and 6 legs… it was huge, like the size of a monster truck.” Steve shares, “So it’s like he found a cleaner approach to absorbing them?”

“Make sure you tell Nancy that in the morning,” Eddie says as a way of agreeing with him. “That could be really important.”

“I will, they’ll figure something out with it, I know it,” Steve assures him.

“You should get some sleep,” Eddie cares about him right back. “Those kids need you at your best.”

He can’t help but smile like a fool, “okay… are you going to sleep tonight?”

“Honestly? Probably not,” he admits, feeling a lot more comfortable with Steve now… “but I’m going to let you go, have a good night, Steve.”

“Try to sleep for me?” Steve asks, softer than ever before. “Head back into the main house and crawl into Rick's bed and just try… take care of yourself.”

“Thanks, mom,” he teases Steve one last time and then he’s gone. Radio off, hopefully heading back inside to sleep.

Steve sits there for a few more minutes with the radio pulled to his chest in a semi-hug, he wanted this to work out more than anything in the world.

—

Eddie hears a car pull up to the main house just after 3 pm that afternoon, one that doesn’t sound like Steve's or Nancy’s, it sounds bigger. He thinks maybe they brought a different vehicle after whatever they were up to that led to their radio silence all day… but he can’t see the road from where he is in the boathouse.

Sure enough, he heard 3 doors slam followed up by the worst voice he knew.

“Come on out, Freak!” Jason called out, letting him know they were coming for him.

He crouches by the window, staying low and still so no one sees him back there. He takes his walkie in hand and holds down the button, “Hey, Dustin? You there? It’s Eddie. You remember me, right?”

Nothing.

“Hey, uh, if… anyones there, I really think I might be in a bit of trouble here. Okay?”

Still nothing.

“Wheeler?” He begs, peaking out the window to see if the jocks have spotted the boat house yet.

“Steve?!” His voice gets a bit louder, more panicked and then he reaches a new level of desperation, he smacks the radio and almost yells through gritted teeth, “anybody?!?”

Still absolutely fucking nothing.

He shakes his head in disbelief and quickly gets back under the tarp in the boat, he’ll just pretend he’s not there as long as humanly possible… he hears them shouting his name and other derogatory terms around the yard and from inside the house, threatening to kill him if they find him. After about an hour, they quiet down. It becomes a once-a-half-hour thing for one of them to yell for Eddie as they tore the house apart worse than the police when they arrested Rick.

The sun eventually goes down around 8:30, after hours and hours of hiding, he finally hears Jason say what he’s been so afraid of.

“Has anyone checked the boathouse?”

He takes a deep breath and accepts his fate, he could either sit there and wait and hope they’re not as smart as Steve to start poking around where they didn’t belong… or, he could grab an oar and he could start to paddle out across Lovers Lake, towards Skull Rock. Before he can even think it over, his instincts kick in and he’s rowing his boat away from the dock.

He gets about halfway into the lake when Jason spots him, once again, calling out for the freak. Shit.

Now that he’s been seen, he doesn’t give a fuck about being loud with the motor running, so he pulls the cord on the engine as hard as he can… and nothing. “Come on! Just come on!!”

Jason is ripping off his suit jacket, newly returned from his girlfriend's funeral, he was manic as fuck and scarier than ever. In a moment of desperation, Eddie leans towards the engine and begs her to cooperate, “come on, sweetheart, you’ve gotta help me out here…”

And to no avail, she’s dead in his hands too. Nothing seems to be going right for him. Not now. Not ever.

His anger builds the more he yanks on the cord, “you… piece… of.. shit… Goddamn it!!” He finally smacks the engine and grabs the oar again, he had to do everything himself.

By now, Jason is in the water and swimming towards him like a piranha that smells blood. Eddie paddles as fast as he can, just hoping and praying he makes it to the other side and Jason gets a fucking cramp or something so he has enough time to run. He really needs to be able to run. He was not going to die in the hands of Jason Carver, that would be fucking pathetic.

They’re so close to grabbing onto the boat and slowing him down. One wrong move and they could tip him out, grab a hold of him and drown him before he even has a chance to swim. He paddles faster and faster, always getting just a mere metre ahead of them when Patrick stops.

“Hey, come on, let’s go! We almost have him!” Jason calls out to him, causing Eddie to stop too.

He stands with the oar in his hand, waving it like a sword, “stay back!! Stay back, you hear me?!”

“Patrick?” Jason calls again, more concerned. “Patrick!!” He turns to Eddie, treading water and breathing heavily, “what did you do? What kind of devil work is… oh my god?” Jason's attention is pulled to his friend who is now floating out of the water and into the air.

“Not again,” Eddie doesn’t want to be there when it happens this time. He sits back down and paddles faster than ever before.

He runs before he can hear the sound of their bones breaking, the cartilage twisting and that awful snap and crunch… it’s the worst sound known to man and he hears it every time he closes his eyes already. He didn’t need to witness it again. He doesn’t turn back when he hears Jason's screams and cries for his friend, or when there’s the inevitable splash that indicates it's all over.

Vecna took yet another life in close proximity to him.

He gets all the way to the other side of the lake and jumps out of the boat, he doesn’t tie it down or give a shit where it ends up, he’s got to go. He runs like a bat out of hell through the woods while his mind races in a million different directions. He didn’t even realize he left the radio in the boat until he reaches an all-too-familiar spot in the woods.

The tree where it all started.

He stops dead in his tracks and turns towards it, he grips the bark like his life depends on it and then wraps his arms around it. He holds onto the fucking tree like it's his lover after a long war, his chest is heaving, and he’s so tired and out of breath and scared. He’s so fucking scared he could have a heart attack and die right here… but right here is where he belonged. Right here is safe and holy and good. He drops down to the ground, still leaning against the tree as he takes a deep breath and another one, he rubs the tree bark to ground himself with the texture and returns all rational thought back to his brain.

He would stay here tonight. No one will be cruising with a murderer on the loose and the cops had better things to do than dish out public indecency charges tonight. He was truly safe here. In the morning, however, he’d go back to the shoreline, he would get the radio from the boat and he’ll call for Steve… or Dustin. Either way, he’ll probably see Steve tomorrow.

He knew Gareth was right about his mystery midnight runner being Steve, he accepted it a while ago, actually. He just never expected Steve to be anything more than a jock. He didn’t expect him to be soft and caring and funny… he knew he was pretty sure, but his soft heart made him beautiful.

And to think that just last year Steve was playing basketball with the same kids that are trying to now kill Eddie right now… it was a strange double life that Steve led. He was both cool and responsible. He was a babysitter and a whore. He sucked dick like a god and left most of the women in Hawkins satisfied too.

He’s a bloody mystery that Harrington, boy.

And if Eddie liked anything for sure, it was a challenge. Getting Steve Harrington to like him back was going to be just that and so much more… he just had to live long enough to see it through.

—

Eddie called and asked Nancy for more food yesterday morning, they didn’t have time to visit him at all during the morning and then everything with Max got worse so Steve was preoccupied. By the time Steve sat back down by the dyer to call Eddie, it was almost midnight again and he didn’t pick up the radio at all… it left Steve with a pit in his stomach that wouldn’t go away.

Dustin was snoring with his mouth wide open, snuggled into a pillow on the floor, he let Lucas have the full couch tonight. Lucas stayed up a bit longer than he should’ve, worried for the girl he loved, he stared at Max until his eyes got heavy and sleep took over… which was exactly when Max stopped pretending she didn’t still love him, she walked over to the couch and wrapped a blanket over him, she kissed his forehead and went right back to the desk in the corner as if nothing happened.

Steve saw it all happen from the laundry room, she saw him talking to the walkie and just turned her music up louder, giving him the privacy that he didn’t need because Eddie wouldn’t pick up. Every few minutes he asked the same question on the radio, “hello? Anyone there?” Not wanting to say his name because he had no idea who else was on the line, anyone in the town could be on this frequency. Yet no one answered.

He moves back over to the couch with the radio on a low volume so he could still hear Eddie if he called but it wouldn’t startle the kids awake. He watches Max in the corner, her headphones on and music blasted, she was drawing in the corner with a little light on, perfectly fine.

Dustin's watch starts to beep at 4:30, Steve watches him sit right up and rub his eyes with a groan. He lets out a huff and then turns to Steve, “my turn to keep watch.”

“I’m good,” Steve waves him off. “Go back to sleep.”

“Nope,” Dustin stretches, his voice almost disappearing as all the air in his lungs is expelled. He takes another deep breath and then stands up, “I’m going to pee, your eyes better be closed when I get back out.”

“Fine,” Steve wasn’t going to fight with him, he simply clutches the radio a bit tighter and settles into the chair in a comfortable position.

His eyes are closed for barely 2 minutes when his brain wanders into sleep, his head drops forward and his breathing picks up. It makes Dustin smile when he comes back from the bathroom, he puts a blanket on Steve’s lap and leaves him be. He needed this rest.

He wakes up clutching a pillow like his life depended on it, startled and alarmed by how peaceful the sleep was until now. He stared at the black nothingness of his closed eyelids for 4 hours straight before Nancy was waking him up with a shake.

“We’ve gotta get ready to go, I’ve still got some of your clothes in my room if you want to change,” She admits. “Track pants and a yellow sweater?”

“Kay,” he hums, rubbing his eyes until he sees blue and green dots and his head starts to feel like he’s spinning. “Anything happening?”

“There are reports of another body being found, we need to go see—

“Eddie?” he wakes right up, realizing he doesn’t have the walkie anymore, he looks around the room and he’s the only one still downstairs. “Has anyone contacted him?”

She shakes her head, “still nothing.”

“Let’s go,” he rushes past her up the stairs to the main floor and then up more stairs on her way to Nancy’s room. The boys were rifling through Mike's drawers for new shirts while Robin and Max wore something from the bags they packed days ago, at the start of all this. They came prepared.

He changes in the bathroom as quickly as possible and returns to Nancy’s room with his keys in hand, “I’m going to take Dustin to the store, Eddie said he was hungry yesterday… we’ll be back in 15?”

“Okay,” Nancy doesn’t care that he’s all concerned for Eddie like he’s his lover, but Robin smirks at him. “Remember, he asked for beer when he called and with this news… he’s going to need it.”

—

When they roll up to Rick’s house, there’s a media frenzy and a million and 1 cop cars lining the streets. They all rush up behind a news van just in time to hear the inevitable. “We have named a person of interest… Eddie Munson.”

“Ah man,” Steve groans. “This is not good. Really not good.”

Everyone agreed but no one says anything, they just glance at each other, feeling a bit more than defeated. They felt hopeless.

“Dustin, can you hear me? Wheeler?” Eddies voice crackles through the radio about too loud for where they are.

Dustin is quick to pull the radio out and turn the volume down, “Eddie, holy shit? Are you okay?”

“Nah man, pretty… pretty fuckin’ far from it, actually,” he admits, sounding totally and utterly devastated.

“Where is he?” Robin asks just as Dustin hits the button to talk back. “Where are you?” He asks.

“Skull rock, uh, do you know it?” He asks, probably because Dustin's a kid, he shouldn’t know the most popular make-out spot in Hawkins.

“Uh, yeah?” Dustin answers and turns to Lucas, “that’s near Cornwallis and—

“Garrett,” Steve finishes his sentence for him and pats his shoulder, running back to the car. “Yeah, I know where that is.”

Nancy tosses Steve the keys and they all follow him back to her car, he drives like a crazy person when he needs to, and they needed him to. They all pile back into the station wagon and he basically burns out, leaving tire marks on the asphalt.

He takes them down lover's lane back to Cornwallis for just a mile until he turns onto Garrett, heading up another mile to an all too familiar spot. The snow was long gone but the snowmobile trail was still there, he takes the car off the road and onto the trail, making everyone in the car scream and hold onto things to stay steady. He’s only off the road not even 20 seconds when he comes to an abrupt halt behind some bushes, “it's north from here.”

“Got it,” Dustin replies, digging out his compass while the gang gets out of Nancy’s car.

“And you said I was a risky driver!?” Max complains, straightening out her shirt and taking a deep breath. “That was insane?”

“I’m sorry, but we’ve gotta find him before the cops do?” Steve reminds her, feeling snippier than ever. He doesn’t stand around to listen to her answer, he starts walking in the direction he knows they should be going while they all follow.

“Damn, okay, what happened to you thinking he could’ve done this?” She can’t help but ask as she runs up beside him.

“He means a lot to Dustin… I’m not letting another one of you go through what you and Nancy have,” he admits… it’s not a lie, but it’s not where his true intentions lay either.

“Yeah, no, I get it,” she backs down. “But who’s going to take care of you?”

“What?” He stops.

“Who’s going to take care of you so that he doesn’t lose you? You’re the most important person he has, Steve, killing yourself to keep us safe is going to hurt him just as badly,” she reminds him, sounding a lot wiser than she should at 14.

He wraps his arm around her and keeps walking, “you can, how about that?”

“Deal,” she laughs and shoves his arm off of her, still not a touchy person.

Lucas catches up to them, hands full of groceries, Robin has another bag only she has chosen to walk with Nancy. Dustin has his compass and takes the lead, and it’s all fine and dandy until Steve starts to notice the same tree again and again… he tries to tell Dustin this, but he makes Steve look at the compass, he gives him a snarky lesson on how they work and Steve shoves him into a bush lightly.

“Hey!”

“Dude, I’m telling you, you’re taking us the wrong way,” Steve argues. “I know these woods better than any of you. This is the wrong direction.

“It’s north, I’m positive, I double-checked the map.”

“You do realize Skull Rock is like a really popular make-out spot?” Steve starts to lose his cool.

“Yeah, so?”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t popular until I made it popular,” Steve brags. “Alright? I practically invented it… we’re heading in the wrong direction.”

At this point he’s fed up and anxious, he cuts to his left and just starts going out on his own. He jogs downhill, jumps over twigs and keeps going no matter what Dustin says.

“Steve?!” Dustin simply calls after him, not wanting to admit he’s wrong.

“Stop whining and trust me!!” He starts to run, making up for lost time.

These were his woods. He played pretend out here as a kid, he followed his idiot friends out here to party and smoke, he had his first beer by the lake with Tommy… he had his first time by the lookout in his Beamer… and he met Eddie at that tree.

He stops just for a second to look at the tree, knowing skull rock was just a stone's throw from where they are. He keeps going, through the bushes and past the overgrown branches, “oh, boom!” He cheers when he finally sees it. “Bada-bing bada-boom, there she is, Henderson, skull rock.”

He holds the branches back so that the rest of the party can make it to the clearing in front of the giant rock formation. “In your face, man, in your stupid, cocky, little face.”

“It doesn’t make sense?” Dustin stares at him like he grew two heads and then back to the rocks.

“Yeah, yeah. Even with it staring you right in the face, you can't admit it. You just can’t admit it that you’re wrong, you little butthead,” Steve drags on, eyes trailing the place for any sign of Eddie.

He drops down from the rock then, “I concur,” he announces his presence, drawing Steve's attention right to him, he has to try not to smile, instead, he turns away and rubs his face. “You, Dustin Henderson, are a total butthead.”

“Jesus, we thought you were a goner,” Dustin sighs, walking into Eddie's space and stealing a hug from him.

“Yeah, me too man,” he sighs, patting his back while staring at Steve, he lets him go and keeps staring.

Steve gives him a smile and a nod, playing it cool when on the inside he wanted to run over to him and wrap him up in a hug, himself and make sure he was okay. He wanted to hold his face in his hands and look him over, he wanted to brush his hair out of his face and look into his eyes and— and he really needed to stop thinking about it.

Robin walks up to Eddie then, “hey, you’re okay?”

He nods, “yeah, as good as I can be.”

Steve didn’t even realize that Robin and Max were carrying the groceries for Eddie, not until Robin started handing him things, “how long have you been out here?”

“Since like 10 pm,” he explains, ripping into the bad for literally anything, he was so hungry he could eat a horse. “Tweedle dee and dumb chased me into the lake and then Patrick started to float and I couldn’t be there… I couldn’t handle it again so I did the thing that I do now. I ran.”

Eddie takes a box of cereal out of the paper bag, they’re cinnamon toast crunch this time because Steve thought he might like something different. He all but moans when he sees the box, “oh I’m so fucking excited to eat, I haven’t had anything since I called Nancy yesterday morning…”

“Dustin ate most of your Pringles,” Max teases, handing him the other bag of groceries and Lucas hands him the pack of beer, too.

“You’re a godsend,” he thanks Nancy, his eyes are like 10x bigger than normal, and he’s so happy he could cry…

“Steve got it all,” Nancy points and Steve straightens out, looking terrified as all eyes shift to him. “He’s the only one that can get beer…”

Eddie gasps, knowing he’s older than Steve and still not able to buy beer himself… “Harrington, do you have a fake ID?”

He nods, “yep… one of my dad's business partners is 27, he gave me his old licence. Don’t expect me to get you booze all the time now.”

“Well, thank you,” Eddie gives him a sweet smile. “But what the fuck took you guys so long?”

“We have a lot to tell you,” Nancy sighs, she takes a can of Pringles from Eddie’s snacks and leans against the rock. “We’re going to be here a while, dig in.”

—

“Sick, thats just fucking sick,” Eddie’s sarcasm is palpable, he shakes his head and rubs his eyes, it was a lot of information all at once and the only thing that really stood out was the now Eddie was wanted for not 1, but 3 murders.

The whole time they’ve been talking, Dustin has been pacing, talking to himself and smacking his compass in his hands. He looks distraught, he’s thinking so hard smoke might start coming out of his ears while the rest of the gang immediately starts discussing how they’re going to kill Vecna before he gets Max too.

“Well, we’re one step closer, we know how Vecna attacks,” Robin, once again, tries to make it seem like they’re got it all under control.

“And where he attacks from,” Lucas agrees, standing so close to Max you’d think they’re dating again.

“So, now we just need to sneak into his lair in the upside down and… and drive a stake through his heart?” Max suggests, arms crossed, a smug look on her face, she thinks it’s going to be easy.

“If he even has a heart,” Robin jokes.

“A stake? Is he like a vampire— is he a vampire?” Steve's voice lowers with excitement, it’s both cool and terrifying.

“It was a metaphor,” Max looks at him like he’s an idiot and Eddie jumps in to save him

“A bullet should work on him, right?” Eddie suggests, knowing where they could get some guns.

“I say we chop his head off,” Lucas throws in for good measure.

Steve looks like he’s about ready to ask how that would help when Nancy steps back in… Eddie only knows because he’s been watching Steve talk and switching his attention over to Dustin every few seconds. He’s still pacing, still talking to himself, it’s strange, sure, but Steve is too pretty not to stare at when he talks.

“yeah— I say all the above, but we can’t do any of that,” Nance reminds them. “We need to find another gate.”

“We need to get El’s powers back,” Max follows up, it seems like the most effective way to win this.

“Everything was like way easier. We had this girl… and she had superpowers—

“Superpowers, yeah, you mentioned her,” Eddie cuts him off, he remembered perfectly everything that Steve has said to him these last few days. “But, hey uh, Henderson’s no uh, cursed? Is he?”

Steve looks at Eddie and then Dustin and back to Eddie, catching his eyes and staying there, “cursed, no, no… mental? Absolutely.”

“BOOM!!!!” Dustin suddenly pops off, everything clicking in his head.

Everyone jumps out of their skin for a moment, startled to their core by the sheer volume of his voice. “Badda… badda… boom!” He points at Steve and walks toward him. “I was right. Skull Rock was north.”

Steve's blood starts to boil, like a real brother, Dustin never fails to find a way to grind his gears and piss him off. He crosses his arms and sighs, “seriously? You’re serious?”

“Mhm,” Dustin smirks, holding back the key information so he can wow them in a sec.

“THIS IS SKULL ROCK?!” Steve freaks out, pointing at the fucking rock formation and then down to Eddie who’s squatting on the floor like a fucking champ… (he’s been squatting for so long, Steve is a lot more than impressed, he was invested in seeing how long he could go. But that’s not the point.)

“You’re totally, absolutely, 100% wrong! Right now!!” He speaks with his hands, gesticulating with anger.

“yes… and no.”

“Oh my god,” Steve has to fight off the urge to swing at him, he instead turns around and covers his face. He takes a few deep breaths while Dustin continues.

“This compass worked correctly when we left the Wheelers, it was correct when we got in the car on Kerley but it started to slip the further east we went,” Dustin explains. “Now! it’s… way off?”

Steve turns back to him, looking at him with an expression Dustin can read as ‘and your point is?’

“When I was leading us here I wasn’t wrong!” Dustin assures, pointing to his own chest, he stares into Steve’s eyes for approval. “The compass was.”

“So you’re using faulty equipment? Dude, you’re still wrong!” Steve can’t believe him, or his fucking tone.

“It isn’t faulty… Lucas, do you remember what can affect a compass?” He asks as if he’s Mr. Clarke and this is grade 7 all over again.

“Any electromagnetic field!” Lucas clues in immediately, validating Dustin's theory.

“Yep,” Dustin smiles, ego bubbling inside of him and reaching a boiling point that they can’t return from.

“I’m sorry…” Robin steps in, “I must’ve skipped that class?”

“In the presence of a stronger electromagnetic field, the needle will deflect towards that power… so either there is some super big magnet around OR—

“There’s a gate,” Lucas cuts Dustin off, remembering how he was the first one to ever find a gate to begin with.

“But we’re nowhere near the lab?” Nancy is trying so hard to comprehend all this, but geographically, it’s not working in her mind.

“But what if, somehow… there’s another gate?” Dustin hypothesizes. “A gate that we don’t know about…? It’d have to be smaller. Way less powerful.”

“Snack-sized gate!” Robin teases, remembering all the little labels on the snacks Eddie just ate, it fit the situation and even made Nancy smile a bit.

“Okay but how? Why?” Steve is the last to really get on board with it.

“No idea?” Dustin admits. “All I know is something is causing this disturbance, and the last time we’ve seen anything like it, it was a gate. And I hope it is because then we’d have a way to Vecna and a shot at freeing Max from this curse…” and with that, Dustin makes his grand exit from stage one and heads into the woods.

“Hey! Where are you going?” Steve yells at him, but he doesn’t stop. “Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Eddie's still a wanted man! We can’t just go for a hike in the woods??” Steve panics, his voice even cracks.

Robin looks at him with a knowing smirk, Nancy even picks up on it, they knew Steve more than anyone else in the party. Eddie however, he’s never seen Steve react like that… in fact, no one has ever really cared for his safety like this. No one but Wayne. Wayne would probably like him.

“This little steal capsule might be the key to saving both Max and Eddie,” it’s incredibly pointed at Steve, and then he turns to said wanted man. “What say you, Eddie the banished?”

Everyone turns to him and he looks away, staring off at the ground, he bites his lip and thinks about it. “I’d say you’re asking me to follow you into Mordor… which, if I’m totally straight with you, I think it’s a really bad idea…”

He catches Steve nodding along, clueless, but agreeing.

“but the shire… the shire is burning,” Eddie exaggerates, hyping Dustin up unintentionally to the point that the 15-year-old starts to jump up and down like a toddler, rustling the leaves under his feet.

Eddie places his hands on his knees and stands up straight, “so Mordor it is.”

He walks right past Nancy, just as clueless as Steve, but she doesn’t care, she follows Eddie. And Robin follows Nancy, and soon, everyone is following Eddie who isn’t ready at all to be a leader. He turns back around and notices he left all his shit by the rock just as Steve is catching up with everything.

“The fuck is Mordor?” He asks himself, absentmindedly following everyone when Eddie bumps into him on the way back to the rock, “get your shit man, let’s go.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Eddie picks it up with haste and runs back in front of Steve, slipping on the dewy grass and almost falling when Steve places his hand on his back to keep him steady.

Dustin takes the lead again, explaining the science to Nancy and Robin who followed him the fastest. Lucas and Max have heard it all before, so they just trail behind and no one cares that Steve stays back with Eddie, about 10 feet behind everyone else, he bumps Eddie’s shoulder and smiles at him. “You’re not going to thank me for breakfast?”

He laughs, “just add it to the things I have to thank you for.”

“Huh?” Steve doesn’t know what he means.

“You know,” Eddie references towards the trees, “just everything you’re willing to do for me… without anything in return.”

Steve almost stops breathing, stopping dead in his tracks, “you know?”

He nods, “yeah, I’ve known for a while… why when did you figure it out?”

“When you almost killed me 2 days ago?” Steve admits, he bites his lip and then shakes his head as he laughs. “I mean, Robin was saying it was probably you, but… I don’t know, I was kinda building him up in my head and then I couldn’t—

“Separate fact from fiction,” Eddie cuts him off, knowing all too well what thats like. “Gareth accused me of the same thing.”

Steve sighs and pats his shoulder, making him keep walking so they don’t lose Dustin and the gang. “Come on, we can talk about it later… I have a lot to tell you if we make it out of this.”

“I’m honestly surprised you’re not freaking out?”

“I had my time to freak out,” Steve teases. “Robin heard it all.”

“So she’s…”

Steve nods, “yeah. Is Gareth?”

Eddie nods too, looking forward to see everyone so far ahead of them. “Are you?”

Steve smiles, “yeah, couldn’t you tell?”

Eddie chuckles, “yeah, which is why it was so hard for me to come to terms with the fact it was you… cause like where the fuck did that come from, Steve?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know. It’s pretty easy to replicate once I’ve had one… and I’ve had quite—

“You whore,” Eddie whispers as he bumps his shoulder, smirking away. “But it paid off…”

“You’re going to give me an ego,” Steve shoves him right back.

“At least we’ll know where Dustin gets it from,” Eddie teases him once again.

And Steve loved every second of it.

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[hellcheer-heaven]

Can I Handle the Seasons of My Life?

It wasn’t like Eddie Munson to isolate himself. Mr. Make-a-Big-Speech-About-Conformity was unusually quiet this past week. His friends and Chrissy weren’t sure what to make of it. At first she believed that he was mad at her for something. Eddie wasn’t the type to hold a grudge against anyone. Jason Carver? Absolutely. Certainly not towards Chrissy Cunningham.

She stopped by the Munson trailer to check in on him after school. She called him before chemistry and at lunch time and she received the same thing, no answer. In between passing periods, Chrissy overheard Dustin and Mike talk about how he didn’t come to school on Friday, so that meant no Hellfire Club that night. Something was definitely wrong and she had to find out why. When school finished up, she hitched a ride with Nancy and Robin, silently praying that everything was alright. Nancy offered to stay and wait for her, but Chrissy insisted that she would be alright. After saying goodbye she quickly headed over to the front door hoping that he would answer. Nothing after the first few knocks. She did it again and still there was nothing but the sounds of the trailer park; and even that felt eerily quiet.

She reached into her backpack and fished out a key that he gifted to her should she ever need it. Chrissy took a deep breath before entering, calling out his name softly. Nothing but the hum of the air conditioner and sounds of wildlife just feet away from the area. Wayne was set to work until the late hours of the evening that day, so it was only the two of them.

“Eddie? Eddie are you in here?

What was she expecting? Oh yeah, hey there Chrissy! Sorry I haven’t said anything and I’ve been missing for a whole day! Come on in, put your feet up and relax!

She slowly walked over to his room, how strange the door was open just a crack. She peaked inside and saw a sight that made her heart feel heavy. Eddie was bent over at the side of his bed, his face in his hands as he let out his silent sobs.

“Eddie?”

He swiftly turned around and quickly rubbed away his tears, trying to find any kind of words to tell her that that he’s fine. Eddie wants to ask her to leave him alone, but the lump in his throat was just too big and all he could do is whimper. She sits beside him and offers him a big, warm hug.

“I’m here Eddie, it’s okay I’m right here.”

His arms wrap around her, burying his tired face into her neck as he lets his tears fall again. She cradles her beloved, rocking him gently as she helps him lay down on the mattress. Too much is happening in his life right now. The unhappy memories of his childhood have been coming back much more frequently to haunt him. Eddie truly feels like he’s a complete failure and he believes that he’ll end up just like his dad. On top of all of everything else, he also feels ashamed for crying, especially crying in front of Chrissy.

His dad always told him: “Boys don’t cry. Be a man.” Crying was for weaklings. Men deal with their issues through smoking, drinking, and working late. Whatever it takes to distract yourself from confronting what’s going on. Being with Chrissy helped him realize that there is no shame in being in touch with his emotions. That he’s not alone when it comes to expressing how he feels. The wall that he’s been building since childhood doesn’t have to be as high as it’s always been.

Chrissy pecks the top of his forehead, her own tears beginning to form as well. Holding him as close as she possibly can, never wanting to let go of the most precious person in her life. She snuggles his face between her breasts, her heart beat soothing his harsh and unforgiving thoughts. Chrissy begins to hum a tune, a familiar tune that she’s cherished since she was a child; one that Eddie remembers hearing as well on the radio. The humming transitions to soft and gentle singing, the words are as loving as they are bittersweet.

Landslide never fails to make them tear up, but she continues to sing it so sweetly in his ear. Eddie’s breathing slowly returns to a regular rate, his ever rapid beating heart comes down as well. They stay like this for the remainder of the afternoon and well into the night.

Later on Wayne returns with a couple of take out bags. He’s attempted to have a heartfelt talk with his nephew, but Eddie has told him multiple times to leave him alone. He gave the young boy his space, something he wishes he would have gotten in his youth. Maybe a nice greasy burger and a side of fries might help to ease the tension before diving into a conversation. Before he can call his name, Wayne notices Eddie’s door is wide open from down the hall. The van was still parked nearby and he wasn’t expecting any visitors. He feels his heartstrings getting pulled when he sees the two of them holding on to each other.

Wayne grabs a clean blanket from the laundry cupboard and drapes it across the two figures. He looks over his shoulder one more time, offering them a gentle smile.

He looks to Chrissy, gently whispering the words “Thank you,” before closing the door.

[kai-selfships]

SING + SING 2 HEADCANONS (human au)

Part one: main characters

Picrew link, art by Naylissa on various social medias

(One year passes in between movies so for characters who are in both movies, there will be two ages listed)

I’m posting this here instead of on my main because you guys are used to me being cringe <3

Also, important: I chose each character’s ethnicity based either on where in the world their species of animal lives, or (for animals that live all over, like pigs or mice) other contextual things (like Gunther’s accent)— basically, please understand that I’m not making Johnny black because he’s a gorilla, but because gorillas in real life can be found in equatorial Africa— however if you’re black and still find this offensive, please dm me and you can explain to me what’s wrong, and I’ll do anything I can to make it better :)

Buster Moon (he/him, gay and trans)

36-37 years old

5’0”

Australian

Autism, bipolar, and PTSD (after working with Jimmy Crystal)

Hair started going gray due to stress, so he dyed it all

Forgets to eat a lot

Works too much, gets bad burnout

Is best friends with Rosita; she reminds him to eat and sleep and stuff when they’re on the road

Has electrical burn scars on his hands from when he and Ash messed with the electric fence on Clay’s property

Was dating Eddie in the first movie, but they broke up which is why he’s not there in the second movie

Rosita (she/her, bi and ace)

40-41 years old

5’5”

Latina (I chose this for her because of her name)

ADHD, depression

In canonverse she had two litters of piglets, one with 15 and one with 10

In human au she only had five kids— Carrie, Hannah, Kelly, Leo, and of course Casper

Her husband, Norman, is very supportive of her identity— they were going through a rough patch in the first movie because he was taking on too much work (hes a Lawyer) and didn’t have time to spend with family, but they work on it together and have a much healthier relationship now

She got a degree in journalism and used to work for a newspaper

She has been closeted bi all her life, but only found out about the “asexual” label once she met the theater group (mostly Gunther) and learned more about the queer community

Speaking of Gunther…

Gunther (he/him, queer)

39-40 years old

5’5”

Immigrated from Germany when he was a teenager

Was not accepted by his family for being queer— he hasn’t had any contact with them for most of his adult life

He’s very well adjusted and stable now, though

A lot of his energy goes towards helping out his friends at the theater, who are still figuring out who they are— like Rosita!

He gets along surprisingly well with Ash, probably because Ash really needs a really positive friend to hype him up

Gunther has been doing dance since he was a kid, and is really good at it

Johnny (he/him, gay)

19-20 years old

6’0

Very sweet and supportive with his friends

Kind of a puppy punk— he’s discovering a lot of new music and ideas through Ash haha

Always bruised and sore from dance practice

Loves skateboarding

Used to straighten his hair (like in the first movie) but now he takes better care of it

Helps Nooshy get tattoos and piercings because they’re afraid of needles

His late mother is the person who inspired his love for singing

Also loves to do other kinds of art

Dropped out of school at age 16 to help out at the garage so his dad could focus more on his other business

His best friends in the group are Ash and Meena

Ash (he/him, transmasc)

19-20 years old

5’3”

Brazilian

Actually went to middle school with Johnny, but neither of them remember the other

Gives himself stick and pokes

Came out and started his transition in between the first and second movies

Also has electrical burn scars on hands like Buster

Is kind of withdrawn from his family— they love him a lot and want to rebuild their relationship, but Ash feels guilty for having chosen his ex-boyfriend over them when he gave him an ultimatum

Still doubts himself about his gender identity a lot because he grew up thinking everyone felt that disconnected with femininity

Loves getting piercings

He still wears really artistic makeup for shows

Hasn’t even thought about dating anyone after his ex— not because he carries a torch for him, but because he feels like his mind and body has been “ruined” by having spent so much time in such a manipulative and toxic relationship (I’m toootally not projecting haha /sarcastic)

Meena (she/her, transhet)

23-24 years old

6’1”

She and her family are Indian (I chose this because in the second movie she’s a lot smaller than Alphonso, and to make it work with both of them being amab I decided she’s an Asian elephant and he’s an African elephant)

Anxiety, dyslexia, rejection sensitive dysphoria

Her parents have always been supportive of her transition, but it took her grandparents a few years to warm up to it

She has been out as a trans girl since she was a young teenager

She’s been taking singing lessons since she was a kid

Attends a community college in the area and is really self conscious about the fact that she’s not pursuing any other higher education because her cousins and parents are all very scholarly

Her parents are both professors

Gets really dysphoric about her height and size

But she feels really EUPHORIC about her beautiful long hair and the jewelry she likes to wear!

Looks up to Buster a lot even though sometimes he doesn’t make the best choices

Miss Crawly (she/her)

82-83 years old

5’4”

Salvadoran

Half blind and hard of hearing

Was very good friends with Buster’s late parents

Is extremely good at cooking; always feeds the theater group when they work late rehearsing or putting on a show

Is actually married, but none of her friends at the theater know her husband very well

Has two adult children too; she loves them very much and talks on the phone with them a lot, but they both live out of state so she only sees them and her grandkids every few years

Doesn’t mind when Buster doesn’t have the money to pay her; she may technically be an employee, but she views her job at the theater as just helping out a family friend

Is definitely more competent that she appears to be

Porsha Crystal (she/her, lesbian)

19 years old

5’7”

Has lived in Redshore City all her life

Autistic

Has a lot of followers on her official social media, but she also has a few secret accounts so she can goof off with her friends without her dad knowing

Really admires Ash, even if he took a while to warm up to her

Dyes her hair as a way to be in control of her appearance— Jimmy always chose her hairstyle and clothing so she looked “normal”, but didn’t mind if she dyed it because that’s kind of typical for modern teens

Loves to do colorful and fun makeup

Had a little bit of a crush on Suki when she first started working for Jimmy, but obviously that was one-sided because Porsha’s a lot younger than her

Nooshy (he/she/they depending on the day, genderfluid and bisexual)

21 years old

5’4

Finnish

Depression

Was homeless prior to meeting the gang, now lives with Johnny

Dyes his hair black

Is afraid of needles

Gets a lot of nightmares and doesn’t sleep well

Doesn’t spend a lot on clothes, upcycles their own stuff

Still just does street performance as her job

Clay Calloway (he/they, trans, genderqueer, bisexual)

62 years old

5’5”

He and Ruby are t4t

Stealth in public, and has no living family members— the only people who know he’s trans are his friends, who he came out to after a few months of getting to know better

Ash is like their grandson

Completely left behind their old life when they moved to Redshore

Ruby transitioned later in life— when they first started dating, they were technically a mlm couple

Literally hates Jimmy Crystal so so much and is very open about it

Porsha helped them start a social media account. He’s not very active on it besides replying to fan messages and posting things about the shows he does.

[annab-nana]

wahh anna!!! can i request steve x transmale reader x eddie (poly if that's okay!) with the hurt/comfort prompt "my world is just falling apart.  it’s like everything is just crumbling around me.  i don’t know what to do.  i just want it to stop"? maybe the reader got deadnamed or misgendered and it was the last straw please 🥺 i love your work so much, keep it up! 💙

- 🍁

yes! here you go baby :)

warnings: mentions of a grandmother with dementia, past of not being accepted, season four didn't happen, being stressed, not proofread

a/n: i don't know anything about being trans so if some of this is incorrect, then please let me know and i will gladly change it

❀ masterlist ❀

it had been a tough week for you. school was hell. work was even worse. and to top it all off, you got a call from your grandmother who deadnamed you. you couldn't blame her. she had dementia so things were slowly slipping from her, but it still didn't make the deep feeling in your chest any better.

being trans in the '80s is no mean feat. in this time, you would be labeled with gender identity disorder and sent to a psychiatric hospital to be 'cured'. your hometown—or any town for that matter—would never accept you for who you were. that's why as you transitioned, your mom homeschooled you until you were passing enough as a male. then, she moved you two across the country to hawkins, indiana, and enrolled you in public school there. if anything went awry, she would pull you out and go back to homeschooling.

thankfully, no one suspected that you ever were a girl physically before. they knew you as who you were now and loved you. you made the greatest friends: steve, eddie, and robin, all of who you felt comfortable telling your past with. being queer in this day and age wasn't an easy thing to be either, so they understood some of your struggles and accepted you with open arms.

steve and eddie flirted all the time with each other and with you, leaving you to wonder if they were together or if they both liked you. after one drunk night at steve's with eddie, the idea came up. what if you all dated each other? and that is how it started.

now, you and steve were in college and eddie was pursuing his dream of becoming a rockstar. you all shared an apartment with your own separate rooms for your own things, but most nights, you all piled in either your room or steve's—eddie's was always far too messy.

both boys were home when you walked through the door and you weren't sure if you were happy or not about it. you loved them with all your heart, but after the day you had, you just wanted to go to your room and wallow in your own self-pity alone. you made it in a few steps before steve's voice sounded throughout the apartment.

"baby, 'you home?" he called from the kitchen. you walked to the doorway and shot him a weak smile, one he saw straight through and he stopped his actions to check on you. "what's wrong?"

that question almost always broke the dam as it did right then. steve was quick to wrap his arms around you while eddie got up from his spot on the couch to guide you both back toward it. steve was to your left and eddie on your right, both of them comforting you in their own ways.

"sweetheart," eddie spoke up softly, "talk to us."

"it's just- my world is just falling apart. it’s like everything is just crumbling around me. i don’t know what to do. i just want it to stop. i want a break. everything is too much right now," you explained, wiping your tears as you went.

"like school and stuff?" steve inquired. he knew you had a challenging caseload this semester, but you had been taking it like a champ so far. there were only three more weeks left, but it was bound to get to you at some point.

"yeah, and work. some days are good, but today wasn't. and then my grandma called and she called me by my old name and i feel like i'm back at square one, you know? a little girl who doesn't feel right in their own skin. confused and hurting."

"but you're not, you know that right?" steve started and eddie picked up where he left off.

"you're our wonderful boy. you are smart as a whip and stronger than anyone we've ever known. you can't let a bad day drag you down or set you back, baby."

you let your head rest on eddie's shoulder while steve slipped his hand into yours.

"we're always here for you, y/n," steve told you before he pressed a kiss to your cheek at the same time as eddie kissing your temple. eddie nodded along to steve's words before adding, "you've got us forever."

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[chirpsythismorning]

What makes you think the evidence for Henry being El's father are misdirects? There's a decent amount of evidence for it and so wouldn't that be a waste of time? If it's not the direction the show is going?

At this time, I think a lot of the evidence does come off as mis-directs, because most if it's fairly easy to pick up on, with a great deal of casual fans being able to notice the obvious parallels between Star Wars and Luke/Darth Vader with El/Henry.

I shit you not, literally just a few hours ago on Reddit someone posted this theory as one of their top ones for ST5, among Will dying, and Mike and El getting married in a time jump...

Basically, this theory comes up a lot in very basic GA spaces, bc it's an easy guess and this was especially the case right after s4 dropped.

I also think them going about it this way was sort of necessary, because more than anything they don't want fans to figure out who her real father is.

And how they do that, is by directing attention elsewhere.

The point of a misdirect is to trick your audience into thinking the answer is as simple as its being presented as, leading fans to hypothesize the most obvious deduction at any given moment. But what you end up really getting, is a dead end.

They're making choices intentionally as misdirects, knowing exactly how fans will react and what they'll assume, and then use that to their advantage to follow through. Maybe it's to buy time, maybe it's to distract fans from stronger more subtle evidence to the truth elsewhere, or maybe the moment itself is telling us the truth subtly, but because we're so distracted with the obvious, we're missing it.

Exhibit A:

One of the more popular theories floating around between Vol. 1 and 2 for ST4 was the theory that Eddie was a lab kid. And it's because we got this dialogue about how Chrissy apparently didn't recognize him now in HS compared to middle school, because he had his head shaved and didn't have his tattoos yet.

Predictably, when fans heard the words hair was buzzed and tattoo in the same sentence being brought up in relation to Eddie's past, they started to question if it was possible Eddie could be one of the kids that was in the rainbow room during the massacre back in 79'.

This is a successful example of a misdirect, because as we all know, that didn't happen...

And so, what was the point of this line of dialogue then?

I think this fits more in the category of not only being a misdirect, but also that it has double meaning hiding within it.

I mean, look at the word Eddie uses to start off that line of dialogue...

Different?

We already know that this word is associated with Will and El (and Henry).

Think of the way they played with In the Closet (At Rink O Mania), by having Mike exhibit closeted behavior, followed by El in the employee closet. They were giving a score with a title that applied to both of these moments and both of these characters. And they basically did the same thing with Being Different.

While it is Will's song and it's about his feelings, he is using El's name and not only that, but the scene directly after transitions beautifully through the light and takes us to the aftermath of the lab massacre. They literally cap off two El scenes on each side of the van scene... We get an El scene with her gaining her powers again, then we get the Will van scene, then we get a scene of El remembering the events of the lab.

My point is, that word different being put there on its own is already suspect. It just is. I feel like it's not too hard to admit that the word different is related to Will at the very least, and you don't have to think that has anything to do with Hawkins Lab implications if you don't want to bc we were given the impression it had to do with his queerness already (why the word's also been associated with Henry).

But where it gets complicated is that we know the word also applies to El. She also used the word different to describe herself and it was being applied to her having powers.

And then you add the buzzcut/tattoo blast from the past reference, and it's sort of starts to click why they did this.

Everyone was focused on the Eddie aspect to it, claiming he could possibly be 002, only for it to not lead to anything and drop off entirely post s4.

And what we have left, is yet another potential twelvegate/willel twin proof that gets added to the pile of evidence that flies under the audiences radar.

When it comes to the Henry being El's father thing, I think that it applies in a similar way, in that by making these big moments between them thematically parallel an iconic father/child duo, like the most historically iconic, fans pick up on it and the idea enters their mind and it sort of distracts them. And even if they end up not believing it, they leave the situation sort of satisfied enough to drop it.

This is what tends to happen on Reddit with active fans over there. While they might have humored the Henry/El family evidence initially, they've stopped and resorted to dropping the arc of El's father being revealed entirely. It's weird bc a lot of them insist that it's already been dealt with on the show, when it hasn't? In literal canon, there is no actual conversations about who El's real father could be.

And I think that's just another example of a misdirect doing exactly what it's intended to do. It gets you to consider something that is almost too obvious to ignore. And then either you subscribe to it confidently, or then you drop it, only to drop it all.

Day by day, I grow more convinced that barely anything is what it seems on this show. All of the signs that Kali was potentially a pawn in this whole unraveling of events? The fact that we've got BTS of Henry at the Nina location? The fact that we have Henry saying stuff to El in the lab about how Papa lies, followed by shots of Brenner watching these tapes back, with the implication that he's the one choosing what they show her. He literally goes to a room full of tapes and picks them personally, and is feeding a narrative to El that is based on what he apparently wants her to take from it.

It's all very odd.

I don't think how they framed Brenner's arrival and behavior in general during the massacre makes a lot of sense either? Those scenes come off as a mess of shifted probabilities or timelines/loops more to me than one concrete event. After all, it was shown to us so many different ways, even with different coloring at times. Like... it's odd.

I will say that the time implications really make it hard for me to feel 100% confident about anything that we've been presented. So we can only go so far I guess. Same with Will's powers theory. We're all fairly certain it's happening, as there is plenty to hint at it, but that doesn't mean we know how exactly they're going to do it. And so it's fun to speculate and go as far we can I guess.

I am looking forward to The First Shadow play! I think that whenever information about that is revealed, considering it's canon it will inevitably be available to us in some shape/form in the future, I'll probably have a better grasp on where my thoughts are in regards to the whole dad revelation, whether it's Henry, Hopper, or otherwise.

For now I'm humoring about a solid 100-200 theories at once bc many do have a lot of interesting ideas linked to them. But I don't feel confident about more than like a few, with byler being the highest, followed by birthdaygate, twelvegate and then joyce + hopper = willel twins gate or whatever. And then the rest of the theories out there sort of fit somewhere within a spectrum of me considering things based on evidence more than anything else.

I'm honestly just excited to see which theories end up being right in s5. Because there are so many out there that somebody has gotta be close. Whether it's little arcs we have in store or big ones, I look forward to being shocked by the theories that ended up predicting closest to canon.

[miswaken]

She’d known Serena Valdivia for years — photographers and filmmakers weren’t far removed professions, after all. Serena was the first person Alice thought to reach out to when the idea of a film started itching at the back of her mind. It was just a personal project, a bid for catharsis once the calendar flipped back to September. A full year. Serena was happy to help, advising over phone calls and emails with Alice’s novice editing attempts attached. She even made the trip up to New York a few times, removing herself from her curatorial work in Arizona to huddle over lengths of film and cups of coffee with Alice, and the apartment felt more alive than it had in so long.

Maybe it should have been awkward, given the circumstances. The film was about Alan, after all. About them. But the work was starting to feel less like reclaiming and more like letting go. One evening, after hours spent tweaking the transition between one scene and the next, they were slumped on the couch together and something unclenched itself in Alice’s chest. The sky outside was streaked sunset purple and Serena’s glasses were pushed up into her forehead after focusing for too long, and that’s when Alice leaned over and kissed her.

When Serena kissed her back, it was like the world started making sense again. It wasn’t really about the kiss — or what came after. It was about feeling seen and heard and held again, and remembering how good it felt to carry love in her heart. Her grief didn’t evaporate, but for the first time in over a year something else was allowed to exist alongside of it.

Alice was happy.

Navigating a long distance relationship was a new challenge, but Alice was willing to make it work. The arrangement wasn’t perfect, but it was enough — she wasn’t ready for deeper commitment yet, anyway. The film was, perhaps, just an excuse to keep seeing each other as much as it was something to spark Alice’s creative mind. But slowly it turned into something she was proud of, something with enough artistic merit that Serena was convincing her to show it at an arts festival she was organizing in Arizona. It took a while for Alice to agree, but eventually she relented. It would give her a deadline to wrap up the project and put it away, at least. And the last time she’d traveled anywhere had been… well…

She flew out a few days in advance of the festival and stayed with Serena. They drove around the desert and shot half a dozen rolls of film, ate takeout over Serena’s busted coffee table, and slept bundled under blankets with the ac blasting away the late summer heat. When they went to give an interview with the local radio station, knees bumping under the too-small table, Alice’s sense of peace was broken by the familiar barrage of questions. Was Eddie Rodman judging her for believing what seemed so obvious — that Alan was well and truly dead? Or was it guilt rearing its ugly head again, a reflection of that buried internal fear that she’d given up on him too soon?

Serena’s words were a firm reassurance as she brought the interview back on track, her voice warm with nothing but support and praise for Alice’s work. Her hand, when it found Alice’s under the table, was a silent lifeline. They didn’t speak about the interview or about Alan when they left the studio. After dinner Serena dropped Alice off and apologized for needing to head back to the drive-in so late, but there were still details to perfect and iron out before the festival started the next day. Alice didn’t think anything of it.

Her dreams that night were strange — but, then, they often were. In them she was walking in the desert and the sun was setting, and a figure she recognized was walking a few feet ahead of her. She kept calling his name but he wouldn’t turn around, only walking faster and faster until he was running and she was running after him, screaming his name while he either didn’t or couldn’t hear her. Eventually she couldn’t keep up, or she blinked and he vanished. But then a voice would sound behind her as she stood alone, panting, gasping for dry air — “Alice?” And she would turn and see him, only he was dressed in a pressed three piece suit instead of a faded flannel, his smile too sharp and his eyes too dark, and in spite of the way her lungs screamed she’d take off running again. He would call after her but it sounded like a taunt and not a plea, and just when she felt a hand wrapping around a fistful of her hair and pulling — she’d wake up.

The dream repeated itself three times before she resigned herself to a painfully early start to the day. For the best, perhaps. Her film would debut, appropriately, just after sunrise. Serena had never come back the night prior. She must have worked through the night. Alice drove her rental to the drive-in, stopping for coffee and breakfast to bring along, and found Serena holed up in the front office. She seemed almost surprised to see Alice there. Surprised and relieved. “Thought you’d be someone else,” she said as she accepted the coffee. A question hung on Alice’s tongue, but died when one of the festival techs knocked on the office door asking for the access code to the projection booth.

She never did get to ask what Serena meant.

The film premiere was a pleasant success. Alice hadn’t expected much of a crowd so early in the morning, but the turnout was respectable, even if it was clear a good number of attendees were there only as fans of her late husband’s work. It wasn’t about them, or for them, really. She was content and that was what mattered. Still, she couldn’t shake the way Serena seemed… off. There was an odd distance between them in the projection booth while the film ran, and each time Alice looked over at her, her eyes were locked on the screen. That wasn’t what was odd, though. Her brows were pinched and she was clearly chewing on the inside of her cheek — things Alice could write off as an artist and a festival chair being overly critical of her own work on display, if it wasn’t for the way she was, ever so slightly, shaking where she stood.

At a party that night, sipping on celebratory champagne as she chatted with the other filmmakers and artists from the festival — even Barry Wheeler, there with his latest clients, paid her work a polite compliment — she could almost forget about the strangeness of the morning. Until, back at her place, Serena insisted on sleeping on the couch and leaving her bed to Alice. She was too restless, she said. Didn’t want to disturb Alice’s sleep. Only when Alice got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, every light outside the bedroom was on.

She flew home at the end of the week with a promise to keep in touch, to visit soon, to make up for the distance. Promises that rang hollow. Serena had been pulling away from her since the festival and for as much as Alice told herself the other woman was just busy with her work, the familiarity of an empty bed and the weight of things unspoken nagged at her. Something had happened that night. Something that Serena wouldn’t — or couldn’t — tell her.

They called each other once or twice a week. Serena came to New York just before Christmas, and they walked around Central Park holding hands and kissed under the snowfall. But back in the apartment, Alice found her in Alan’s old office in the middle of the night, mumbling to herself about spiders and darkness until Alice clicked the light on. Sleepwalking. She’d been dealing with it on and off for months and her doctor thought it was stress related. After that night it didn’t happen again. Or at least, Alice didn’t notice.

Time between calls stretched. Texts were less and less frequent. Alice went back for the arts festival the following year, with none of her own work to show but a lingering desire to support someone she cared about. Still — this time she stayed in a motel. But they talked like old friends and Alice stayed over for a night when it was offered. Serena had blown up and framed one of the photographs Alice took of the desert the year prior, and it hung in her living room between the windows.

Weeks turned to months, and then a year. Then two. Then another and another, and Facebook revealed that Serena got married. A Vegas elopement, just her and a woman Alice had seen before in infrequently posted pictures. She sent a card and flowers, received a thank you text and a vague suggestion of meeting up the next time they were in New York.

That was the last she heard from Serena.

[fastcardotmp3]

hii! 18, 20, 29 for the ask thing? ^-^

hello!! thank you for asking! <3

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

ooh this is a tricky one because I have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to things I write as soon as I post them, but I'm very attached to this bit from always; never again-

Robin doesn’t know why it triggers her whole body to be overtaken with overwhelm, maybe the feeling of being understood, of being heard in the way Steve might have heard her had it been someone else and he had been here.

Then again if it had been someone else, Robin wouldn’t feel like this, this wave of physical hollowness, such intense overflowingness. It is a presence, this absence, so loud in its lacking that she can feel it expanding, expanding, expanding in her chest cavity until all there is to do is for it to burst.

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

I gotta stand by my guy someone else's favorite song 🫡 I love a title whose meaning becomes clear over the course of the story and I think this is the closest I've gotten to achieving that. grief is found in someone else's favorite song! love is found in someone else's favorite song! you know!!!

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

this is a short transition scene from a fic I started, like, early last fall before metamorphoses devoured all my time and energy, and I have no idea if I'll ever return to it (probably not) but if I do, it's gonna get revamped to hell and back. I like this scene though! (which is, perhaps, why it's such a similar premise to the hair-cutting scene in meta fjsdlkfj don't LOOK at me)

The heat of the west coast gets to Eddie in August and, in a fit of frustration and the after effects of a you’re supposed to be dead you should have died why aren’t you dead nightmare and just plain old sweat, he takes a pair of kitchen scissors and cuts his hair off at his jawline. 

And then he cries. 

It’s jagged and he can’t get it even with the state of the curls and the state of his shaking hands and there’s hair filling the sink and Jonathan and Argyle are asleep in the next room because it’s, like, three o’clock in the morning and Eddie is having a nervous breakdown apparently because he should be dead by now and his name isn’t Munson anymore, no matter how much his friends ignore that fact, and it’s so fucking hot in California in August. 

It’s Jonathan who finds him in the morning, still sitting on the bathroom floor below a sink filled with chunks of haphazardly chopped hair and a pair of scissors resting on the tile by his hip and Eddie’s not crying anymore but he very well might start all over again when Jonathan just looks at him, breathes a quiet oh, and then disappears for no more than two minutes before returning with Argyle. 

“Oh, dude, short’s gonna be such a good look on you,” Argyle smiles sleepily as he drags Eddie to sit on the lid of the toilet and takes possession of the scissors in surprisingly agile hands. “Argyle’s salon is open for business.” 

He’s gentle and that almost makes Eddie cry and Jonathan brings him a cup of tea which really isn’t Eddie’s thing but that too is enough to have his throat closing up so he just shuts his eyes and waits until Argyle pats his shoulder and says, “all done, man,” before he looks at himself in the mirror. 

Shaggy enough to not have to relive the trauma of a middle school buzzcut but still kind of an awkward length, it is at the very least less suffocating in the summer heat. He looks in the mirror and runs a hand through those wild curls gone untamed by the lessened weight pulling down on them. 

Eddie Arda looks back at him.

[the-watchpost]

Buffy S04E01: The Freshman

An episode about a character struggling to adapt to change? You bet I can write a lot about this.

Buffy is like a small fish in a big pond as she tackles the change from Sunnydale High to UC Sunnydale. Over the years of the show, Buffy built up a strong support network which has helped her through difficult moments in the past. This same support network is now splintered; her mom and Giles obviously haven't made the move to the college campus, Xander is on a roadtrip across the US, and whilst Willow and Oz are at the same college they've made the transition to college look easy - Willow is super prepared and in her element whilst Oz already has connections from his band. Buffy is left to feel alienated. In previous seasons, it would have been these kind of situations where she would have turned to Angel but he has left and she no longer has him to fall back on either.

The show does a really good job at establishing this isolation. The first scene after the titles is Buffy in the midst of a crowd who all have yellow files whilst she doesn't, meaning she's not meant to be there. She's immediately out of place and disoriented whilst surrounded by tons of new faces and getting leaflets thrust in her face. Buffy is overwhelmed by it all - she finally finds a familiar face in Willow only to discover how well she has adapted to the change and that Oz already has plenty of acquaintances.

Buffy isn't exactly subtle about her feelings and does try to tell them both; "almost, one might say, too much", "it's just, a little overwhelming.", and "it's just so overwhelming." With everything that's going on around them, Willow doesn't get a chance to respond and seems to quickly forget about it. Unlike Buffy, she is in her element and taking it all in her stride. Oz also acts as a distraction for Willow and further isolates Buffy who is still getting over Angel.

With tons of new faces left, right and centre, there's just people everywhere with little escape. At high school, Buffy's escape was the library and Giles. There's no Giles at college and the library is nothing like *her* library. It's huge and busy and stocks a much wider selection than Giles' impressive collection of occult literature. They even get shushed in the Library- that never happened in high school. Once again Willow is in her element whilst Buffy seems out of her depth. And I miss the old library.

To further add to the whirlwind there's a flood of new characters and names including Riley, Kathy, and Buffy's psychology Professor, Maggie Walsh. They were all rather brief introductions with minimal screen time meaning I haven't had much chance to get a feel for any of their characters and I'm not sure how many of them will be frequently occurring so we will see how it goes with the lot of them. It does appear like Buffy is taking Psychology which is cool and makes me miss my own Psychology classes - operant conditioning was a throwback.

On the night of her second day at college, Buffy runs into a fellow student named Eddie. It's the first interaction we see Buffy have with someone who also hasn't completely naturally adapted to college life. He's lost, and the two get into a good conversation from there. I must admit, at this point I was wary of the guy since Buffy doesn't tend to have much luck, the scene was set at night and it was possible he could be a vampire. It turned out he wasn't a vampire but there were other vampires on campus and as soon as Eddie was left on his own, he was caught and turned. Buffy is definitely cursed.

When she finds out he's missing the next day, Buffy is immediately suspicious (even more so when she discovers he left his book behind) and who can blame her? She is still in Sunnydale after all. As she always did, she turns to Giles and arrives at his house to find he has a guest, Olivia. She's another character we don't see too much of and I have no idea if they're setting up a plotline with her. Giles ultimately waves off Buffy's concerns anyway, leaving her isolated once again.

That night she discovers that Eddie was turned into a vampire and gets jumped on by the gang of vampires. She chooses to avoid Willow and Oz the next morning which was an interesting choice. Its almost like she thinks that they have left all the vampire and demon stuff in high school now that they've made the move to college. She chooses to go home instead only to find that her mom has already started using her room as storage. Even her home has changed.

She ends up at the Bronze which is an interesting move. It's the place where she would quite often find Angel and its like she trying to grasp onto any kind of familiarity with everything in her life being so different. There's even a moment where she thinks she sees Angel. Ultimately it's Xander who turns up after his roadtrip (or attempted roadtrip) and he's raring to go with helping her combat evil. I loved his little motivational speech. It was very strange seeing them do research outside of the library. (Did I mention I miss the library? I know I thought the scene where they blew it up was cool but I take that back now. I want the library back). Anyway, where did they actually do the research? It was a little room but where was that place? That little detail bugged me.

As Buffy stakes out the vamp gang's lair (and prematurely crashes into it), Xander heads to the college for weapons, and Willow and Oz. It leads to an encounter with Buffy's roommate and his subtle description of vampires as "her friends who sleep all day and have no tans."

Ultimately, after an entire episode made up mostly of Buffy feeling isolated and alone, she gets backed up by Xander, Willow and Oz as she manages to take down the vampire gang. It was great to see them all back together again. Giles also turned up, albeit after the threat was handled, but the thought was there! And surrounded by the whole gang again, Buffy seems to be coming to terms with the changes that college have brought.

The episode ends with three masked soldier-esque figures taking down a vampire. I have no idea what that was all about.

[greensparty]

Concert Review: Sleater-Kinney

Sun. March 17, 2024 @ The Paradise (Boston, MA)

Paradise marquee

The last time I saw Sleater-Kinney live was in Summer 2002 was when they headlined the Siren Music Festival in Coney Island in 2002 and they blew me away. The indie rockers burst out of the mid-90s riot grrrl movement in Olympia, WA and their brand of feminism amassed quite a following on college radio. They have been on my radar since 1997’s Dig Me Out (got my copy on vinyl). After the band took an indefinite hiatus in 2006, they reunited in 2014. It’s ironic that the masses now know Carrie Brownstein for Portlandia (as well as scene-stealing performances in Carol, Transparent and best of all as Larry's assistant on Curb Your Enthusiasm) and didn’t even know her as the singer/guitarist for Sleater-Kinney. Singer/guitarist Corin Tucker has also had multiple side projects outside of S-K including Eddie Vedder's soundtrack to Into the Wild (S-K opened for Pearl Jam in the 00s) and she's also a part of the supergroup Filthy Friends. But things changed for the band after drummer Janet Weiss left in 2019 after recording the album The Center Won't Hold. I dug that album and I even named “The Future is Here” my #1 Song of 2019. Their first post-Janet Weiss album was Path of Wellness, which I named my #6 Album of 2021. There are purists who feel it’s not the same band without Weiss. I very much disagree as Brownstein and Tucker are still musical forces to be reckoned with. After the release in January of the Little Rope, the band is currently on tour and stopped in Boston on St. Patrick's Day.

Sleater-Kinney onstage at the Paradise

I am by no means an expert on S-K, i.e. someone who has traveled to the Pacific Northwest to see the band. But I do own a great deal of their albums and have immense respect for them. I say this because there were a number of songs I didn't know as well as others, but that's cool - you learn from the live experience. The show was heavy on the new album Little Rope. They did 9 of the 10 album tracks in their set, highlights being "Say It Like You Mean It" and "Untidy Creatures". They only did two songs off of Dig Me Out, notably the title track for the final encore. I would've loved to have heard more off that album (my personal favorite), but beggars can't be choosers. It was great to hear some songs off of No Cities to Love and The Center Won't Hold played along with songs from The Hot Rock and The Woods. I was kind of surprised they didn't do any songs off of Path of Wellness, especially since that was their last album.

Brownstein and Tucker front stage!

In my album review of Little Rope I noted that "with Path of Wellness, as much as I liked the album - it is a band trying to figure out how to go from being a three-headed monster to a two-headed monster. But with this one, Brownstein and Tucker are clearly past that transition and diving back into the indie rock sound they perfected over the course of the last 30 years." That is also true of their live tours. Both Brownstein and Tucker are clearly the stars putting their supreme voices on full display, but credit needs to be given to their backing band: drummer Angie Boylan (big shoes to fill, but she rocked!), keyboardist Toko Yasuda, and multi-instrumentalist Teeny Lieberson. This lineup was outstanding! Seeing the band in The Paradise was special too (this was the most packed I've ever seen The Paradise and that's saying something) and on St. Patrick's Day no less. Now let's hope I don't end up waiting another 22 years to see them again!

For info on Sleater-Kinney

[gatheringbones]

[“Eight months into transitioning as far as I could get from male, I developed a strange interest in power tools and short hair. But I was too scared to say I was butch. I learned otherwise by dating a femme.

We’d met years before in student organizing, but only shared tea after I’d started transition. She was a big bi femme; a broad who fucks who and how she wants. Her mum and dad thought that it would be kind and freeing to raise her as they would a son. She disagreed and out-femmed this attempt. But even though her femininity was, from the start, a rebellion, in queer spaces, it started the process of her erasure; the men she dated finished it. Consigned to the “quiet ally” seat, she was left dating bi-curious women, whose curiosity she offered to satisfy, sans underwear. Her dates declined, remaining bi-curious rather than bi-informed. She remained frustrated.

Dating a tranny—a girlfriend with stubble and a necktie—made her smirk. She clarified my doubts and explained to me that I fuck “like a girl.” She was my anchor in women’s circles where I would not be welcome were she not beside me, calling bullshit. Dancing with her, fisting in washrooms, it felt right, intimate, honest. Together, we were bold. We were femme and butch.

Still, I was scared to call myself “butch.” Wouldn’t that be a contradiction? An Eddie Izzard joke? But she saw the butch and named it. I owe her.

I encounter femmes who shepherd friends and lovers through the FtM spectrum. When they see the butch and smell the trans on me, they discreetly offer a rolodex of gentlemen and genderqueers, friends and exes, to whom I can talk if I, y’know, need to talk. I explain that I am changing the other way. They are happy to hear this, to know that I can honestly be myself right now.

I see how many butches lean on femmes, whether we know them romantically or platonically. I feel like a bulldagger Lois Lane to their Superwomen. Escorting us through everything from washrooms to transition, I wonder and marvel at how femmes save us over and over and what they get in return. Visibility? Help moving boxes? Someone who is not femme who will say, “People see butch and expect male, but I am not. People see you and expect conventional, and you are anything but.”

I wonder what we can do so that they could openly lend their help at dyke gatherings, rather than catching our ears in private.”]

amy fox, from changed sex. grew boobs. started wearing a tie, from persistence: all ways butch and femme edited by Ivan Coyote and zena sharman

[365days365movies]

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (Review)

Before I go into ANYTHING else...let’s talk about the actual Danish Girl, Lili Elbe, or Lili Ilse Elvenes.

Oh, uh, full warning, this is gonna be LONG, so skip to the bottom if you’re just here for the Review! OK, history time!

Now, what the film The Danish Girl notes about the beginning of the transition is pretty spot-on, from what I can tell. After marrying portrait painter Gerda Gottlieb in 1904, the two lived in Italy and France before moving to Paris in 1912. Yeah, that’s over 14 years before they’re shown doing so in the movie. Inaccuracy #1. In 1908 (here comes number 2), Elbe (Einar at the time) painted this portrait of trees along a fjord in Denmark.

Yeah, NOT in 1926, as the film says. But, yeah, that’s a nitpick, I recognize that. Anyway, the revelation came when model Anna Larssen (not “Ulla”, which is Inaccuracy #3) was late, and Gerda asked Elbe to fill in. When Larssen eventually showed up, she suggested the name “Lili”. Basically, this scene from the movie was pretty goddamn accurate.

Except for the dates, anyway. Because while the movie mostly takes place around 1926 and afterwards, this probably happened closer to 1920, in Paris. So, yeah, Lili spent a LOT more time as Lili in real life. Additionally, Lili was pretty goddamn public about the whole thing, inviting guests and hosting parties as herself, rather than as Einar. At the same time, Gerda was getting pretty goddamn famous for her paintings of Lili, like this one.

Which, yeah, are really good! Also, they were considered lesbian erotica by many! YEAH! And here’s a fun fact: Gerda may not have been straight-up straight. Yeah, the film and the book (we’ll get there) kind of ignored the fact that their marriage was annulled by the Danish government, not by the two of them. Inaccuracy #4. Now, obviously, their relationship ended, and Lili ended up getting together with a man (we’ll get there, too), but there are a LOT of unanswered questions about Gerda’s sexuality, and views of sexuality (which is barely hinted at in the “male gaze” speech in the beginning).

After the annulment, the two just...drifted apart. Their relationship dissolved, and the details on that are fuzzy. By 1930, Lili was headed on a completely different path. She wasn’t a painter like Einar (and it turns out that she thought of them as two entirely separate people, like two souls living in the same body, which the movie got mostly right), and she was mostly unsatisfied with her career, life, and other things. And that is where Drs. Erwin Gohrbandt and Magnus Hirschfeld come in, NOT Kurt Warnerkros...yet. He’d come in for the other five (YES FIVE) surgeries, but wouldn’t be involved with the first. Inaccuracy #5, and also #6, while we’re at it! See, the film would make you think that Lili was the first complete gender reassignment surgery, but she was actually the second. The first would be Dora Richter, in a procedure that was performed by Dr. Hirschfeld from 1922 - 1931. YEAH. BIG-ASS INACCURACY THERE. Here’s Dora, by the way:

Anyway, Lili had her first procedure, to remove the testicles, performed in 1930. In the same year, the divorce between Lili and Gerda was finalized, and Lili legally changed her name. Two more procedures were performed, the first to implant an ovary, and the second to remove the penis and scrotum. Inaccuracy #7, by the way. And, hey, let’s go for number 8! Let’s talk about Henrik, a dude who didn’t exist. He and Hans were both very loosely based on an art dealer named Claude Lejeune.

Claude was an art dealer (there’s the Hans part), and was indeed in love with Lili. They got together around early 1931, and he’d actually been in love with her for a good, long time. He proposed to marry Lili, and she accepted, also hoping that the two would be able to have children together. But to do that, it was believed that Lili would need a uterus. And, obviously, having children would be MILES more complicated than that in basically EVERY way, but this was early in medical science’s understanding of some of that biology.

In any case, however, Lili would need both a uterus and a vagina to feel whole. And so, the fourth surgery was scheduled. And she had that surgery in 1931, a couple of weeks after Dora Richter successfully had the same surgery performed. But, sadly, Lili wouldn’t be so lucky.

Lili’s body rejected the uterus, and while transplant rejections of any kind wouldn’t necessarily be fatal now, they definitely were back then. They attempted to remove it, but that subsequent 5th surgery caused infection, which caused a fatal heart attack three months later. Lili Elbe died on September 13, 1931, at the age of FORTY-EIGHT. Yeah, Inaccuracy #9.

By the way, you may be wondering: what about Dora Richter, the first successful person to get these surgeries? Well, she disappeared...in Germany...as the Nazis were coming into power...yeah. Fuckin’ YIKES.

And so, that’s the true story of Lili Elbe. And there are far more differences than that, I’m sure, but those 9 inaccuracies aren’t insignificant, that’s for sure. Although, it probably doesn’t help that the movie was based on a fictionalized book.

Oh, uh...did I not mention that? Yeah, this movie is based on The Danish Girl, by David Ebershoff, which means that this film is essentially a cinematic game of telephone. Which, uh...not great. Granted, Ebershoof made some other...interesting changes, which the film didn’t inherit. In the book, for example, Gerda is named Greta, and is American? Um...why? I dunno, it’s kind of weird. Oh, and that’s not including one more issue with the movie. But, you’ve waited long enough, huh? Recap of the film is here and here if you wanna check that out! Let’s get to the Review already!

Review

Cast and Acting: 8/10

I am...conflicted. So let me start here by saying that the acting in the film in and of itself is fantastic, all-around. Not a weak actor in here, that’s for sure. Let’s start with the side-roles, for once. Ben Whishaw, Matthias Schoenaerts, and Amber Heard are all good. Heard’s accent is a little shaky, but they’re still all solid performances. OK, how about Alicia Vikander? She’s great! And she won the Oscar for...Best Supporting Actress. Um...wait...Supporting? But not Best Actress? Uh...OK. That’s a little weird, let’s be honest here. But, Alicia Vikander did deserve that win over...oooooooh, Rooney Mara in Carol? Maybe not...damn.

And OK...let’s get into the elephant in the room, huh?

Eddie Redmayne is fantastic as Einar Wegener/Lili Eber, and I genuinely think he had a great shot to win Best Actor...but, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio definitely deserved it, I think that goes without saying. Hell, that year had a SOLID line-up for best actor. And Redmayne had even won it the year before for The THeory of Everything, another biography where he played Stephen Hawking. But ALL of that said...HNNNNNNNNNG, there should have been a transgender actor cast in this role, ideally. Now, I’m fully aware how difficult that would be, as Hollywood isn’t extraordinarily diverse in terms of including trans actors in massive mainstream projects. It’s better now, but it’s nowhere near ideal. But if anybody knows an actor who would’ve fit this role and performed it well, I’m DEFINITELY interested. So, despite that controversy, Redmayne was pretty goddamn great in this role. But, uh...that doesn’t mean everything is perfect...

Plot and Writing: 5/10

OK, that seems low, I know. But it’s pretty goddamn damning that this movie was based off of a heavily fictionalized book instead of the actual life story of Lili Eber and Gerda Gottlieb. And because of that, there are not only some missed opportunities, but some straight-up damning inaccuracies. That’s a set of pretty poor decisions, I tell you what. Not sure why Lucinda Coxon came to that decision when adapting this screenplay, but it wasn’t exactly nominated for Best Screenplay. And the writing certainly isn’t bad, but it is...overly saccharine sometimes, especially for a film based (loosely) on a true story. I dunno...just not the best set of choices here, sorry to say.

Directing and Cinematography: 8/10

Tom Hooper shouldn’t direct musicals. However, since this wasn’t a musical, directing and cinematography here is pretty damn good! Real talk, this is a gorgeous looking movie, and the way shots are framed are fantastic. Perfect? Weeeeeeeell...given the fact that painting is a main focus of the film, for both Gerda and Einar, there should’ve been more painter-quality shots in here, I think. And while the cinematography by Danny Cohen is pretty fantastic, I can’t say that it’s perfect. Still, in terms of lighting and general skill, it’s still quite a good looking movie.

Production and Art Design: 10/10

But the deficiencies in the direction are EASILY compensated for by the production design! Like, hot DAMN, this is a good looking movie, like I said! That goes from the construction of the sets, to the gorgeous outfits all over the place, especially Lili’s outfits. Some iconic pieces of wardrobe there, that’s for sure! But if I have ONE complaint...this movie never once felt like the 1920s. Yup, good old anachronistic complaints from me again! Yeah, I’ll change the record one of these days, I promise. But even with that, it’s hard to ignore just how good this movie looks, to be honest. It’s just...gorgeous.

Music and Editing: 8/10

As I type this, I’m listening to a track of the film on YouTube, and it is a beautifully delicate tune. I’m not sure that I’d be able to associate it with the film if presented to me on its own, but it’s definitely a nice track to listen to by itself. Playlist worthy? For somebody, almost certainly, but not for me. One of these days, a film like that’s gonna pop up, I swear. But for now, Alexandre Desplat and his score are gonna stay off my iPhone. This really is a nice score, though, I promise. Editing by Melanie Ann Oliver is pretty good as well, and I’ve no complaints about it, to be honest. Overall, this side of things was quite nice, if not the most notable thing I’ve ever seen or heard.

I might have been a little harsh, but it’s still got an 78%.

This is a good movie, but...I dunno, the inaccuracies do bug me. Hell, there are WAY more than what I’d mentioned, and I mentioned a lot. Not to mention the other glaring issue: no trans people at any stage of the production? Really? No script consultants, no writers, no NTOHING? That’s...egregiously bad. Like, holy shit, guys. And, yes, this includes Redmayne, because even though he performed admirably in the role...I dunno. I’m no expert on ANY of this, as a cissexual dude with cissexual experience, but it feels a little...reductive, is all. Like I said, if any other actors have been suggested for this role, I’d love to know. The whole thing feels...I don’t know, just not great. 

And by the way, that’s without even TOUCHING the question as to whether or not this film is authentic to the trans experience. Again, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA, but I’ve also heard that this film isn’t universally acclaimed in the trans community, so to speak. And I’m definitely interested in the reasons for that. All I know is this: from the perspective of a complete outsider, I was intrigued by this films view of the transgender experience, specifically as seen in the earliest days of those realizations happening and being publicly known and reported on. And that’s all I can really comment on, in truth.

WHOOF. That was a goddamn topic, huh? And now, I’m going to continue on the the month of romance with...wait, the 19th is my 5-year anniversary with my GF, pictured here:

Ravishing. Anyway, I think I’ll let her pick from my choices for this next one. Hold on a sec...OK, then. Sing it with me now! AND DO I DREEEEEAM AGAAAAIN, FOR NOW I FIIIIIIIIIIIIIND...

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

[exploding-carrots]

I’ve been wanting to draw or write out my ‘future’ Bottom ideas for a while but haven’t gotten around to it. So here’s a long post of some head canons and a general story line of them vaguely developing as people at some point set after the live shows. If anything this is just sort of my personal AU for the characters getting together. Mostly focused on the progression of Richie and Eddies relationship and my thoughts on both of them being trans

- They’re both trans, (a lot of Ades characters give me trans dudes vibes but that is 70% me wanting to time travel and body swap w the man) Eddie is a bi trans dude (who medically transitioned young, but is not necessarily out as either) and Richie is a closeted/repressed bi trans woman who begins to come to terms w it during the whole island era

- Richie is also intersex, which while yeah is sort of canon in a mean way, is sort of important to me for the character 🤭 However she is not aware of the fact

- Eddie is dyslexic and has ADHD which both contribute to him struggling on and off (which was really just a gag they went with when funny) with reading/writing depending on how well he can focus on it at any given time (example: the Edies Bra sign vs the grave stone). I am not even going to attempt to say what is going on w Richie but the woman is a mess of unresolved issues and trauma complications

- After everything they go through in the live shows they do somehow make it back to the flat which is unexplainably the exact way they left it.

- Every single joke about Richie going off and fucking dudes from the live show is taken as fact. It is the most poorly kept secret amongst the cast. They literally do not talk about it unless Eddie is trying to make a point or piss off Richie

- Eventually Eddie IS trying to piss off Richie and does bring up everything about her sex life and the clothes, and... well everything else. After a ridiculous fight it somehow turns into an almost semi-serious conversation. Eddie makes the assumption that Richie is gay and Richie counters with the fact that she is genuinely interested in women but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get attention from specific types of men. Gets some wheels turning in both of their heads

- Personality wise they never really calm down, but they do start to slow down a little bit as it takes them longer and longer to recover from their fights. Obviously there is still the odd dart to the forehead or gentle push down the stairs but the ridiculous games and completions they make up take center stage

- they get weed at some point (Dave Hedgehog and Spudgun seems like a feasible source, because let’s be honest if Richie and Eddie tried to buy weed it would not work) that leads to all sorts of embarrassment because Eddie gets crossfaded as all get out and starts hitting on Richie. Which while having a precedent in their history (I mean, the first episode gives us that right away) takes on a new sort of meaning once the concept of bisexuality has been rolling around in their heads. Nothing particularly saucy happens at this point Bc they are high, drunk, and old but all of the actual acknowledgement of feelings start to really develop after this point

- in an attempt to do something with her time Richie picks up sewing and picks up where she left off with the wrap skirt and rubber underwear she made on the island. Starts to really develop the little wardrobe she wears when she’s alone. It’s a mix of the same awful button up shirts she always wears and some dresses and skirts along with a couple pairs of sexier (for Richie at least) under garments

- eventually Eddie comes home while Richie is still in her feminine clothing. Eddies Reaction is different from the first time he saw her dressed up that way since now there is a precedent. Eddies approach is much more “playful teasing” and fake surprise than it was previously.

- Slowly Richie starts dressing up around the flat more and more often as opposed to just when alone. Eddie ramps up with the pet names and husband/house wife dynamic they already had going on.

- THE MOMENT is when Eddie is leaving the flat to go to the bar and there is an ‘accidental’ kiss on the cheek along with his usual good byes. Eddie realizes what has happened immediately and bolts before Richie can say anything. Richie has a moment of “teehee that was nice” still in her little fucking house wife head space before it catches up w her.

- Richie panics, paces around the flat, gets changed like 8 times, cooks dinner, throws it away, takes it out of the trash, paces more, breaks like 8 things, and essentially just fluctuates between “Ooo Eddie fancies me” to “oh fuck the bastard is making fun of me again” to “it was an accident and Eddie is going to make it into a fight” back to “ooo Eddie fancies Me~”

- eventually Eddie comes home, pissed to hell and back way later than he’d normally come home. Richies passed out on the couch. Eddie wakes her up by pushing her over on the couch so he can sit. Eddie says something along the lines of “I’m fucking drunk so I’m only going to say this one” before saying some incomprehensible drunken rambling and pulling Richie into an awkward full kiss. It’s a nice moment for maybe about 5 seconds before he stands up again, pulls a pint out of his jacket, chugs it and says something about drunkenly passing out before doing just that across the coffee table.

- Richie just sort of gawks at Eddie sleeping across the table before giddily tossing a blanket over him and heading off to actually go to bed.

- relationship wise this really just sort of introduces a sexual/physical dynamic to their relation while ramping up their camp version of domestic life

- it’s Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog who actually say something to Eddie about it. They’ve always been in on the “oh look, it’s Eddies terrifying wife” thing. Probably only actually say something about it after the 2nd or 3rd actual display of physical affection they witness. It’s more of one of them asking Eddie if Richie really is his wife (in that half aware sort of way they observe things). This alone doesn’t change much, but it does takes a lot to get through to any of these repressed bastards

- Richie grows accustomed to the more feminine/soft pet names that Eddie uses for her. At one point Eddie uses more traditionally masculine terms which sets off “oh actually I am not a fan of that” in Richies head and leads her to asking Eddie to not refer to her that way. Leads to an awkward half coming out on Richies part. Eddie does genuinely switch up how he refers to Richie at this point and her gender just sort of becomes an silent fact that they both respect. Everyone else sort of knows them as those weirdos who have some sort of common law marriage going on and it’s not really questioned. This is the point where Richie starts to earnestly medically transition without really saying to much about, canonically she has been on estrogen pills before (even if it was a ‘mistake’)

- End game is essentially just them being casual about their identities and relationships in a unspoken sort of “well that’s just how it is” way that naturally sort of bleeds into a the other aspects of their lives.

- Additional note on Eddie being trans: Richie is already vaguely aware of this fact Bc obviously they’ve been seen what the other is working with at one point or another but the fact that she is unaware that she herself is intersex and has a skewed sort of idea about genitals and peoples bodies Richie genuinely does not think about it all too much. Eddie assumes that she knows, especially as they get older and casually refers to being trans (in my mind probably during the entire “Edwina” disguise thing. I imagine Eddie wearing the dress came down to the clothing size and some off hand comment about him “having experience”, which is total shit Bc even before he transitioned Eddie never presented that way). That’s probably around the point that things start to click in Richies head about Eddies identity and she starts comparing and contrasting Eddie to other ppl and such.