"No, you won't understand, ever."
Fictober 2023
Category: Fanfiction
Fandom: Downton Abbey
‘Mary, would you mind judging the best cake at the parish fair on Saturday?’ Cora asked as she took tea with her daughters one late May afternoon.
‘Me?’ Mary asked, looking distinctly unenthused.
‘Yes, I did ask Sybil to do it, but she’ll be close to her due date by then, so we thought you might not feel up to it, didn’t we, darling?’ Cora said, reaching out to pat her youngest daughter’s arm as Sybil fanned herself.
Edith turned away from the window, looking towards her mother. ‘I can do it.’
Cora exchanged glances with Mary and Sybil. ‘Oh, well, that’s kind of you to offer, darling, but I think Mary can do it, can’t you, Mary?’
‘Yes, of course, I can,’ Mary said, painting a smile on her face but still managing to look less than thrilled at the prospect.
Edith regarded them, taking in the quick looks, the concern and – worst of all – the pity.
‘Mary doesn’t want to do it,’ she said, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. ‘So, why didn’t you ask me?’
Cora shifted uncomfortably on her chair. ‘Well, you, er, you weren’t supposed to be here for the fair. You were supposed to be on your…’
‘Honeymoon. You can say it, Mama. I was supposed to be on my honeymoon. But I’m not on my honeymoon, am I? So, I can do it.' Edith surveyed her family feeling her temper quicken. 'Unless, of course, only married women are considered capable of judging the quality of cakes. In which case, obviously, I’m not suited to the job.’
There was an awkward silence for a moment until Cora spoke again, adopting a soothing tone.
‘Of course not, darling. I just wasn’t sure if you were ready for…’
‘For what? Facing the villagers after they all saw me being jilted at the altar?’ Edith snapped, perilously close to either losing her temper or bursting into tears. It was a toss-up between which would be most likely to happen.
‘Well… yes,’ Cora admitted, looking at her daughter with sympathetic eyes.
‘They already witnessed the main event, so I daresay the sight of me judging cakes won’t draw too much of a crowd. And I have to make myself useful, don’t I? Isn’t that what spinsters do?’ Edith asked bitterly, watching her sisters and her mother exchange more none-too-subtle glances. ‘Or would you rather just hide me away? The family disappointment nobody wants to acknowledge?’
Mary narrowed her eyes, annoyance overtaking the pity she felt for her sister. ‘Look, Edith, we understand that this is a difficult time for you, but – ’
‘Understand? You think you understand?’ Edith interrupted, feeling everything bubbling up inside her. ‘No, you won’t understand, ever. How could you? Were you humiliated on what should have been the happiest day of your life? No!’
‘Edith, we – ’ Sybil started, a concerned look on her face.
‘No! Look at you! Sitting there all smug because you have husbands! It’s all right for you, isn’t it? You’ve got your lives all sorted out, haven’t you? Mama, married for thirty years, surrounded by her daughters! Sybil and Mary married to the men they love! Sybil about to have a baby, Mary probably going to do the same! How can any of you possibly understand?’
Cora rose, walking towards her middle daughter, her hand outstretched. ‘Edith, my darling.’
Edith stepped away, shaking her head, losing control of all the emotions tumbling around inside her.
‘Every one of you has everything you want! I have nothing! Nothing! No husband! No prospects of getting one now I’ve been jilted! Everyone will think it was my fault! That there’s something wrong with me and that’s why Anthony wouldn’t marry me at the last minute! And if I don’t have a husband, I’ll never have children! I’ll be one of those women that people point at and whisper about! The one they'll use as a cautionary tale! You’d better be good, or you’ll end up like Edith Crawley, all alone without a single person to love her!’
Cora reached out, pulling Edith into her arms as the tears broke free. ‘I love you.’
‘It’s not the same, Mama!’ Edith sobbed, fighting against her mother’s embrace. ‘It’s not the same!’
‘I know, darling,’ Cora soothed, stroking Edith’s hair.
‘I want what you’ve all got! I want someone to love me! Me! I want someone who thinks of me first every day.’
‘And you’ll find him, you will.’
‘No, I won’t!’ Edith cried, crumpling into her mother’s arms.
‘Well, you won’t find him judging cakes,’ Mary put in.
Edith glared at her.
‘Give out prizes to the livestock farmers instead. There are more men there,’ Mary concluded with a smile.
There was a tense silence and then, despite herself, Edith began to laugh.
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