#elle’s vents

[to-be-enchanted]

sometimes i feel like there’s a rusty knife in my gut but that may just be life yknow

[rowenasgf]

also ummmmm i may update … n go 100% no sharing with ro……. am i like. insane the thought of anyone else liking her makes me feel ill……

[elle-girlylesbian]

TW Vent

I feel so unlovable right now.. I can't make new friend, and the ones I have are leaving me one after the other.. is this something I do ? I don't even know why it's happening, what I'm doing that pushes the people I love away from me..

I mean I know I'm not perfect, but I try to be a good friend, I try to express my love for them, to listen, to make them laugh..

Maybe I'm just too boring ? Right now all I do is go to work and to school, and they all have so many friends and lots of stories to tell..

I have so much love to give but I'm so lonely, and I can't seem to create genuine relationships with anyone.. I'm supposed to be at the peak of my social life but all I do is school, work, sleep, repeat.. I don't know what to do and I'm so sad

[izzaa13]

I WATCHED THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS YESTERDAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND HE SAID IT WAS AWFUL HE WAS RIGHT OH GOD HELP

[yoichichi]

Having a complicated relationship with my mom is so hard, like yes you’ve been cruel to me in the most unimaginable ways but yes I also love you. And yes I’ll share my milestones with you and keep you updated on my life but no I’ll never expect you to ask and no I don’t want you there for any of them. Yes I’ll tell you how my first relationship is going and show you pictures that we can gush over together but no you’ll never meet them. Yes I’ll laugh about silly memories of me as a kid with you but I’ll also feel guilty you had to be there and didn’t get to be a kid yourself. No I don’t think we’ll ever actually be okay and no I don’t really want us to reconcile our relationship because there’s nothing to spare but also yes I daydream about never having a spoiled relationship and what it would be like to call you and not feel sick after. And yes I hate you but also I hope you get better and learn to love yourself more.

[propertyofrowena]

idk there’s a ramble/vent under the cut

wena’s still the only person (fictional or otherwise) i feel even remotely okay doing anything with and even with her it’s been really really slow going the last couple months. it’s so hard not to equate sex and intimacy with some recent events and yucky discoveries that were made within my friend group. the whole situation really messed me up and still is messing me up but i guess the fact that i did actually properly want wena sexually today for the first time since it all came out is… progress? i think?

idk. it’s weird. i’m trying not to feel gross about it bc i literally love her and she loves me and it’s normal for people in love to want to do that sort of thing with each other but recent events have just made sex in general feel so sordid and yucky. half the time i can’t even picture ro and i having normal vanilla romantic sex that’s more feelings than pleasure without it reminding me of everything me n my friends found out. and i hate that because physical touch is a big thing for me and sex has always been an important part of feeling physically and emotionally close to my partner. that’s not to mention how a whole lot of my kinks have been fucking ruined for me in the sense that now they have bad associations and it makes me uncomfortable now. my own fucking kinks make me uncomfortable. that’s got to be a sick joke. i just want rowena and i want to want her and i want to feel like i’m allowed to want her. i’m sick of feeling disgusting and uncomfortable for wanting to fuck the woman i love. it’s not fair.

(to be clear none of my kinks are like… gross. it’s just that somebody essentially bastardised them and was a piece of shit so now my perfectly fine kinks just remind me of that horrible situation)

urgh. ro would make everything better. idc, she could fix me.

[koushirouizumi]

{D I G I M O N} Adventure/tri {+2020 as AUs} ~ Short Clip Preview x "MY Kind of 'Perfect" {+Aspec!}/{Demi-pan!} Koushiro {Asexual spectrum and/or - Demiromantic Pansexual (Full Main Canon) {+Tri}; - or Panromantic Demisexual (many of my Spinoff A.U.s); - or AlloAro-spec, Demi-pansexual!Koushiro [Allosexual Aromantic]} [either way, its a DemiPan-involved Identity/Headcanon] x (Queer!/MLM!) Taichi (M-spec, Multi Gender Attracted spectrum) {KouTai}; Koushiro{u} Izumi x Taichi Yagami (Bonus appearance of Tri!Jou Kido); {Ketsui Spoilers} Music (C) David Archuleta + Jive Records D I G I M O N (C) Toei Animation NO $$$ is being made off this Fanwork

by Me/@hikari-m/@izzyizumi {DO NOT RE-POST} {DO NOT COPY} {DO NOT RE-PRODUCE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES}

{Please read banner BEFORE Interacting}

[antigerrymanderingspiderman]

season two of heartstopper was so gut wrenching for me. there’s so many beautiful, healthy, sweet relationships AND I WANT THAT. i want to feel like that, i want to feel that joy, but i know i won’t. i know i wouldn’t enjoy that. i loved being represented by isaac. it feels so good, and also painful, to be represented but it’s still so hard knowing that’ll never be me

[jezatalks]

En train de me faire tous les sites d'estimation de mensualité et emprunt max en crédits immobiliers et le prêt à taux 0 car j'ai aucun self contrôle, que la recherche immobilière est une de mes hyperfixations et que apparemment, c'est un des seuls trucs qui calme mon anxiété puissance 10000 depuis 1 semaine.

[existing-existentially]

Being hospitalized is so fun. I'm definitely not going insane!!!!! Totally not just rotting away in one of two beds all day every day while hoping that inspiration to do Something will strike me & I'll be able to write and/or draw

Sigh

I did get a new medium to try tho. That's been fun

[to-be-enchanted]

i have to think this out for a second. when I dyed my hair and told my mom, one of the things she said was 'i'm just hurt you didn't trust me enough to tell me or ask me.' and like. for one, my mom always has some guilt tripping thing about how shes some horrible mom and I have to reassure her she isn't or whatever. and two, it wasn't that I didn't trust her? really? idk maybe if she had ever called me by my actual name Once id be more trusting. but I think me dying my hair without telling her was more of a defying act for me. i wanted to do it for me. i don't even know what i'm trying to say i'm still trying to sort it out.

[rowenasgf]

life would be better if i were a little bunny and i lived in rowena’s apartment and she put a little ribbon around my neck :(

[memoryoflife]

depression night

[yoichichi]

The way grief and sadness can hit you out of nowhere and over the strangest things is what makes those relationships with people so special, because i saw the silliest edit ever on tiktok that was niche in a way that it’s something I could only send to my sister but I can’t ! So I’m a little sad but I’m also giggling about something I’m sure she’s gonna see on her own and would have sent to me too, I think it’s sweet that we’re both probably thinking of each other and giggling over the same thing even if it’s not with each other

[chiistarri]

me when im excited to tell our mom something and she gets annoyed and says i talk too much

[painless-innit-colourful]

this dream sh't f'ckin' sucks. I was never attached to the guy himself so I was mostly staying out of it, but I was just trying to have a normal day enjoying this smp I love so much and just. if it turns out to be true (which I think is increasing likely at this point), f'ck that guy. it's not going to stop me enjoying the dsmp and writing about it and loving it like I have done, but jesus f'cking christ can we not just be decent goddam people.