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softquietsteadylove · 3 months

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Hiii darling, how are you?

I had a promt idea and i wanted to share it with you.

What about thenamesh being broken up 😈.

Like i know thats basically imposible because they can not be apart from each other for a long time ( but relationships are hard you know).

So they haven't seen each other in a very long time, and they completely over one another, they even dated other people, but both are currently single.

They are completely over each other, Gilgamesh is NOT constantly thinking about Thena's beautiful sunshine hair, or how smarth she was or her gorgeous long legs he could stare at all day long of course not, and is not like Thena everyday thinks about how charming Gilgamesh was, or how he could make her feel better just saying something dumb or how she got distracted just by looking at those big and strong arms of his, not at all they are soo over each other and they don't even wanna meet again.

But when they do see each other again it goes like this:

- Thena and Gil walking directly to each other whitout realising.

They make eyecontact and fully stop

They stare at each other intensely

Gil : Thena hello ! - dumb smile

Thena : Hello - small blush

The tension in the air can be cut with a butter knife

"Mamma mia" by ABBA starst playing in the background

And thats about it 😊, sorry for any mistakes english is not my first language, and thank you for sharing your works with us they are so beautiful, i love them all, they make my days better 🩷🤍.

"Come on, Gil, don't get all emo on us now!"

But he'd had enough--more than enough. He had only agreed to a night out with the boys because he had dodged them ten times for every one, and tonight was the eleventh hour. Even with all that, it wasn't enough to keep him in the pub with pounding music and the stink of smoke.

Thena hated the smell of smoke.

His friends would tell him not to think that way. For all the times he had sworn to them that he was over her, here he was thinking of her again?

But of course he was! Thinking about Thena was as natural to him as breathing, and the breakup had done nothing to change that. It still felt almost surreal sometimes, as if the last year and a half of his life was still in the haze of post-breakup blues. All the months spent moping around his apartment, the weeks after of being set up with blank face after blank face. He had even maintained a relationship eventually, only to have called her 'Thena' one time (entirely by accident).

He had omitted that part of the story to his friends when they asked 'what happened to what's-her-name?'.

Gil had tried the dating thing, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that it wasn't working for him. If it wasn't Thena, it wasn't for him. And that didn't bode well, considering they had parted ways with the stark promise that there would be no getting back together.

No regrets, they had said. He was going to put the hours into the kitchen that he needed to as the new head chef of a long established restaurant. Thena was going to focus her razor sharp intellect into pursuing her PHD while working at the museum. He had once called her the 'rock star' of the historical world. She hadn't appreciated it at the time.

For their shared declaration of no regrets, there were plenty. He had lamented to his friends how he hadn't expressed enough interest in Thena's work. He didn't watch the historical programs she liked to watch in bed; he fell asleep to them. Although in his defense, Thena never could get through a boxing match without checking a work email or swearing she was paying attention while she read something on her phone.

Thena was on the other side of town, in Sersi's old flat after she and Dane had decided to finally move in together. She had always done best with her own space, after all. Yet another regret; their half-assed compromise - which made neither of them happy - on how to use the second bedroom. Gil wanted a home gym and Thena wanted a home office. It ended up housing his exercise equipment cramped in with all the books she couldn't fit onto the living room shelves.

It was the truest compromise, in the sense that they were both left frustrated and unsatisfied by the results.

Really, it was them making old fights into new ones. He knew she liked having her own space. Anyone would, after growing up with an annoying twin brother like Ikaris their whole life, he could admit. But he hadn't really appreciated her bringing up that he was an only child as a reason for him not sympathising with her more.

It was little things, really. Little things that had just...piled up on them. Him kicking his shoes off hastily, forgetting that Thena had grown up in a preparatory school and liked everything arranged neatly. Her leaving her teabags piled up in the garbage instead of in the organic waste container he kept in the fridge, specifically because the kitchen was his domain and he didn't like unwanted smells hovering around.

Little things piling up; it was for the best, they had agreed.

And now, a year and a half later, here he was, outside a pub, in the snow. He checked his phone; the night was young, but his friends were enough pints in that maybe they wouldn't notice if he decided to just...leave. If they asked, he could say it was way later, they just weren't remembering it right.

He walked slowly, still staring at his phone. It was the blank, default phone background. He hadn't settled on a new one after needing to take down the picture of him and Thena on their trip to Australia. It wasn't any more pathetic than the rest of his life.

"Sorry," a soft voice uttered, scuffling feet in snow filling the air as they narrowly avoided one another.

Her eyes rose to meet his, still a sparkling green that contrasted the hair that was the colour of pure sunshine. She was dressed in all white, as she always was. He had always said it was her colour. "Hey."

The one word was like the cavalry call. Memories flowed through him. Some of the bad times. But the happy ones far, far outweighed them. There were so many happy ones it was a wonder they had ever decided they weren't worth the bad.

Thena was still the most beautiful woman Gil had ever seen. Her edges were so sharp, and yet she still possessed a softness--a fragility to her delicate frame. It was hard to tell under her long white coat if she looked different, but he remembered those long legs entwined with his in the hammock on their balcony. Her lips were still full and succulent like a berry.

"Hey." He smiled, and she smiled as well. There was a lightness to it that hadn't been there when she had left her key with him and closed the door behind her. "How are you?"

"Good," she answered plainly, as she always had. Her eyes darted down to the ground and she tucked some hair behind her ear, still a clear tell of when she was nervous. His heart skipped a beat as he caught a blush in her cheeks. "And you?"

"Yeah," he answered, not that it was much of an answer. He had yet to stop smiling, but she was still smiling too. "Restaurant's doing well--same old."

Thena nodded, some of her hair tumbling from her scarf wound loosely around her. "I read a review of it. Your praises were sung most eloquently."

She had such a poetry to her language. Some found it odd, but Gil had always admired her more elegant word choice in comparison to his easy and casual phrases. He had tried writing poetry, but he was no match for her simply describing how her day was.

"Yeah?" he grinned. The idea of her checking a review of his work was more than he could have hoped for. It felt like hearing that she had asked if he was seeing anyone.

"I'm not surprised," she stated more than confessed. "You have always been an excellent chef. I wouldn't have needed some culinary reporter to tell me that."

Emboldened by her olive branch, Gil stepped closer. "And how's the doctorate?"

Her pleased smile returned, her scarf even picking up in the wind and brushing the front of his army green jacket. She used to always put her hand on his chest for no good reason, whenever she wanted. "I'll be submitting by the end of this year. Nothing is signed yet, but I'm told things look promising."

His grin stretched wider. The word 'rock star' was on his tongue again but he inhaled, drawing up his shouldering instead of wrapping his arms around her and picking her up off the ground. "Hey, that's great! I mean, I knew you'd get it. You're way too good not to."

Thena's eyes drifted downward again. Her smile turned shaky and her hands went to the buttons of her coat. She swayed on the spot, as if unsure of which direction to lean. "Thanks, Gil."

The snow filled in the silence between them, Mamma Mia positively blaring from inside the pub. The flashing, coloured lights inside proved stronger than the tint of the windows, reflecting on the snow already fallen.

Thena broke the silence first. "I'm surprised you're out this late."

Once, that might have been a barb about how he always had to sleep early to get into the restaurant early (especially on nights when she had a work social at the museum). But that was years ago, and now it was a casual - if nervous - question asked in a playful tone.

Gil smiled. "Well, usually I wouldn't. But the guys have really started giving me a hard time about-"

He clamped his mouth shut, suddenly terrified of uttering the truth of his dismal life since her exit. Surely it was pathetic of him to tell his ex-girlfriend about how all he did was lie around watching the same five shows and living almost completely off of leftovers from work.

But Thena laughed. It was gentle, and light, and he still found it really cute. "So, you came out tonight just to appease them?"

Her laughter drew out his as well. His shoulders lowered and his hands shuffled around in his pockets. "Guess so."

Thena looked towards the dark glass of the windows. It took her a few minutes to build up to what she had to say. But rather than eagerly rush her, he waited, happy to admire her. "I have become even less social than before, if you can believe it."

"Wow," he commented outright, earning the mildest form of her glare possible. He chuckled, though. "I can't believe it."

She could have left it there if she wanted. But she kept holding her scarf at the ends, braving on. "It seems I've been a bit reclusive since..."

It was Thena to bridge the unspoken gap, utter those completely forbidden words. But in that way, it was also her extending her hand, asking him to take it.

Gil turned soft, as he always did with her. His voice lowered to nearly a whisper, like it would after she'd had a night terror and needed comforting. "I guess I have too."

She had closed the distance as much as she could. She needed more from him, going quiet again and staring into his chest.

Gil eagerly met her halfway, pulling his hands from his pockets and crushing her against him. It was just a hug, something friends could do (if she decided she would regret this, too). "I missed you."

But she slid her arms around him. She buried her nose in his jacket and he leaned over her, practically engulfing her in his arms. She inhaled, drinking in the scent of him.

"Sorry, I probably smell like fryer oil," he excused. She had always hated that smell.

She shook her head, still buried in him. "I missed it."

How was he not supposed to fall in love with her all over again?

"Hey," he said gently, only encouraging her to pull away enough to look at him. He brushed some hair from the crown of her head. "Would you wanna grab something? We could get a decaf...something--you still don't drink, right?"

Thena beamed as if he had asked her something so much more than just terrible coffee. But small things - like remembering that she didn't really enjoy drinking - always meant the most to her. "I'd love to."

Just hearing the word from her lips made his heart leap in joy. It remembered hearing that word so often from her. It wanted to hear it again.

"So, uh," Gil began, leading her away from the pub with her hand in his. Maybe it was too much to hold hands with someone he had just asked out, but Thena's hand held onto his just as firmly. "That 24 hour place is still open. I heard they have daily specials now."

"Sounds lovely." She hadn't become a conversationalist. But she held onto his hand, letting him go on about the pastries in the window and how it was under new ownership. He didn't mention how he couldn't even look at the place for the first two months after their breakup.

Gil looked at her but didn't stop walking as she leaned against him. "You okay? We don't have to go out, if you're tired. You can just come over and I can make you some tea."

She buried her face in his sleeve. "You think I'm the type to go home with you on the first night we've met?"

He paused for a second before letting out a laugh that would wake anyone out of a dead sleep. "Are you flirting with me?"

"You seem much more the flirtatious type."

Thena was happy to play coy about it, but he knew she was flirting because she was terrible at it when they'd first started dating. "Maybe I am."

"You could take a girl to dinner, first." It was light, witty banter, her favourite kind. She was relaxing more and more.

"How's tomorrow?"

He waited for her response, only able to look at the top of her head with her leaning on him. But it made him think of the beach in Australia when he had first told her he loved her. He had thought it plenty of times before, but that was the first time he had spoken the words. Maybe he would get the chance to say them again.

Thena adjusted their arms, linking them at the elbows, still revealing nothing of her expression as she said, "it's a date."

#Thenamesh AU #thank you so much for the ask!!!!!#this is an incredible idea!#and never be embarrassed about your English you're doing amazing sweetie!#anyway this is such an amazing concept I really hope you like it #because you're right relationships are hard #life happens #these two fall so hard and so fast that there's no time for anythign else #even as two people at the most crucial time in their careers #Gil is always going in early and staying late for the restaurant #Thena has to be buried in resarch and work and theses all day #they have no quality time to just...chill #Gil tries dating #it does NOT go well #listen no one wants the guy hung up on his ex #they meet him for ten minutes and go oh no he's still in love with her #he didn't even realise he'd called her Thena until she was slamming the door behind her #Thena has kept it very very secret #she's tried to date a few times #she gets coffee because of course she does #she's not wasting her time on a whole ass dinner #and just as well because she never likes them anyway #they're not as sweet as Gil #or as charming or as funny or as handsome #the last date she went on she legitimately faked a phone call emergency and ran out #Mamma mia here we go again indeed

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brionysea · 5 months

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love this shot. it's like mike is inviting them into his mind/game ("alright, wheeler, i think we found your hub") + max and dustin are the ones who step into frame. i am staring at the implications

#with the dustin death foreshadowing #possibly the two party members who dived in recklessly despite the risk and proceeded to pay the price #lucas was wary #el came in pre-traumatised from how dangerous it is #will obviously went through All That and became traumatised about it #dustin was like HEY I'LL PLAY and max was like WHY WON'T YOU LET ME PLAY #and then they die #because it's not a game which is what mike is constantly talking about in s2 #it's not dnd it's real life he's from the upside down maybe he should be dead it's the brain if we kill it we kill everything it controls #brings it full circle to mike being willing to sacrifice himself for dustin too #he'd choose any of them over himself #these two are the ones reckless enough to show why it's a reasonable choice to make #it could be viewed as a necessity when you're inherently dangerous and you're friends with blind risk takers like max and dustin #who get themselves killed because you failed in all attempts to do the same #if you make the audience love these characters and then kill them #then asking if killing mike is worth it becomes a weighted question #because we love max and dustin. we don't want them to die. neither does mike #nancy didn't want barb to die #joyce didn't want bob to die #max DID want billy to die which is a whole other beast #but his dad sure didn't #everyone matters to someone and mike has decided that everyone else matters more than him #as long as you ignore max and dustin and karen all losing their minds when he's in mortal danger and possibly dead #it's all so complex and yummy i want to EAT it #anyway #cool shot 👍#st posting #manifestation theory

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moongothic · 10 months

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Hey so what are your thoughts on the theory that Dragon might actually the biological son of Xebec? I think it's pretty interesting to think about considering the implications it has (depending on what ends up being canon).

For example, if Crocodad is real and Dragon is Xebec's son, that would imply that Garp's biological child is... Crocodile.

Also, I think it works well with the idea that Roger knew Garp would protect his child... because he saw him do that exact thing during the God Valley incident for the son of Xebec. Another child born from a man deemed an extreme by the World Government.

It's an interesting idea but the only reason people keep on suggesting that theory is just that the really vague silhouette of Xebec we have seen kinda vaguely resembles Dragon on the hair-department (and people want Xebec to connect to some other character somehow somewhere, thus we have also have people ALSO suggesting Xebec is related to (or straight up just is) Croc, Buggy, Blackbeard and god knows who else)

And I just personally don't buy it.

Main thing is that Garp has made it explicitly clear that Dragon is his child, his very own son, multiple times (and as recently as in the brief Aokiji flashback where he complains about his son becoming a revolutionary).

The other thing is that Garp and Dragon look alike

Finding good panels to do comparisons is a bit hard, and the art can fluctuate a little bit (especially the hairlines for both characters) and when the characters aren't even doing the same expression it messes with the proportions a bit But generally speaking, they have similarly shaped hairlines and the same nose-shape. Hair texture too though it's less obvious since Garp has gone gray;; I would make a comparison to Young Garp but his nose is a different shape, but that just makes Young Garp look resemble Luffy so much more

Of course, I wouldn't put too much money on similar faces meaning things due to Oda's Same Face Syndrome, but really the only major differences between how Dragon and Garp look are Dragon's lack of eyebrows (or if he has eyebrows they're just really thin compared to Garp's bushier ones) and more hooded brows in general. In my mind, they look more alike than different and that very specific nose-shape alone says a lot

So I personally no doubt about Garp and Dragon being related, just as I have no doubt Garp and Luffy are related (and thus, by extension, Luffy and Dragon too)

It's also the fact that I see no point in Oda telling us who Luffy's dad is THROUGH GARP if they're not actually related, AND SO MANY YEARS AGO. Like, it'd just feel like a pointless lie, an absolutely useless plot-twist because like, while it would tell us a bit more about Garp, it wouldn't do anything to change Luffy and Dragon's non-existant relationship with each other, nor Luffy and Garp's. Like it'd be a twist for the sake of having a twist, throwing out nearly two decade old lore for what?

And I feel like Crocodad would make that even worse. Because suddenly we'd have to ask many uncomfortable questions about what kind of a relationship Garp has with his transgender pirate son. And if he considders his son-in-law more like his own family than Crocodile... fucking yikes, man. Like Garp is a flawed human being but I don't want to add that to the list of shit he's fucked up. Like despite everything, Garp is still understandable and likable (for me at least) and I just don't want him to get pushed over the edge like that

One last thing is that Dragon would've been 17 at the time of the God Valley incident (and Crocodile was 9). Like sure Garp could've lowkey adopted a 17 year old or just taken him in as a student, but still... He's a bit old to be taken in like that and for Garp to start considdering Dragon his own son

I just don't buy into the theory at all personally

#Moon posting #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #Asks #There's also stuff like Garp Dragon and Luffy all having the same Blood Type (F)#Like yes one could argue that if his child became a pirate then he'd have a reason to why he wanted Ace and Luffy to become marines #But he already had a reason for two to become marines #Both were considdered enemies of the Government for the crime of being born. For carrying ''evil blood''#Getting them enrolled as marines would have been literally the only way to ensure and convince the Government they were ''safe''#Garp just wanted to protect the two. He wanted them to be safe.#That's reason enough #Also Dragon being a revolutionary adds spice and personal trauma there already so like. Yeah #I just don't like most Xebec theories tbh #He's just the most overhyped character in my mind right now. Like everyone wants him to be a big deal and I just don't cares dfghjkgh #The concept could make for a good AU fanfic though if nothing else

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literally-12-people · 2 months

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If you can not forgive you are destined to never heal.

Like, sorry, you can not be mad at someone for making a mistake and then be angry about it for 3 years and be like "why am i not over this".

#friend of a friend died two years ago driving under the influence of some injection. ran a red in the dark and wraped her car around a pole #friend came to me last night while i was mid break down and explained his breakdown.#he apparently introduced her to the drug and she got more on her own #got addicted and was sent to rehab. my friend self admitted to keep her alive.#they worked together on steps to get off hard drugs.#one of the rules is that you can never ever drive if you happen to be on them. not even like one puff of weed or half a Mike's hard.#she got more of the drug when she got home after about a month. some jackass who lived across the street.#needle was dirty and it felt itchy. told my friend about it. he said that she should go to the hospital.#so she got in her car and drove it. without her lights on #friend said she broke a rule and did it on purpose (she didn't. she was just high and panicked.)#said he'd never forgive her for taking his best friend away in such a betrayal. led my friend back to drugs.#said that every year her memory still forces him into agony and he feels he needs something stronger to dull the pain of his heartbreak.#i told him to take double his usual dose of melatonin and a drink of whiskey. came back to me this morning and said that i was right.#he still said he'd never forgive her though. told him about something else I'm going through and asked ''is that what you want?#agony every time someone mentioned her name or at the very least once a year?''#he's saying he's pondering on that.#meanwhile work's going on and I'm under 200 mgs of caffeine already and 3 hours of sleep while having 10 more hours to go.#happy thursday

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tasmanianstripes · 1 year

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Maybe it's the result of my main fandom for the majority of my life being one where canon just genuinely doesn't exist, where there are so many different canons and literally any sort of interpretation of a single character is correct and can range from a moronic maniac with a chainsaw to a depressed old asshole boss, but

Literally who gives a fuck about canon?

Especially when the character is practically a blank slate or if it's an AU

Like, I'm sorry, but if you're butthurt about a mischaracterisation of a fictional character in an Alternative Universe then I don't think you understand what an AU is

#thylacines can talk #Maybe that's the reason I do not have the same violent reaction to mischaracterisation 99% of fandom spaces seems to have #I genuinely think that getting butthurt over somebody not writing a fictional character exactly how they appear in canon is the stupidest #most juvenile pet peeve you could ever have. Literally WHY do you care so much? It's words on a screen. Calm down.#I think it's only a problem when you believe that it's canon or try to shove your own interpretation of a character or AUs onto everybody #else. Otherwise...literally who cares? Somebody else treating characters like dolls is not hurting me. I'm not about to get legitimately #annoyed over fictional characters in a children's cat book. Unless it's like. Bigoted. But then I criticise the person's beliefs not a #goddammed characterisation of a fictional character.#In the fandom I was in most of my life a trigger-happy clown with a chainsaw canon and an old deppressed asshole boss were seen as the same #character and only had like. One design detail in common. And literally nobody batted an eye. You could write a dynamic between two #characters being incredibly hateful and toxic and somebody else could write them as old friends or an old married couple and both of these #interpretations would be equally canon. A single guy could have two wildly different personalities and backstories and he'd still be #treated like the same character as long as the two looked vaguely similar physically wise. Sure there were interpretations of characters #that were more popular than others but literally the only people who would treat one specific interpretation as canon and shove that #interpretation onto everybody else would be people who came from different kinds of fandoms and let me tell you. They were annoying as fuck #So coming from that kind of fandom into more generic mainstream fandoms feels like such a culture shock. Genuinely cannot comprehend why #people care so much.#'oh this character is so far from canon they might as well make an oc' okay...cool...and?#Maybe they don't want to make an oc?? I mean come on. It's fictional characters. You're an adult. It's not a fucking English class #People don't come to fandoms to study book literacy they come here to have fun. Literally WHO CARES if somebody's interpretation of a #character has only name and looks common with the canon version. WHO CARES. ITS WORDS ON THE SCREEN. Who are they hurting if they're just #making AUs in their own corner and not shoving it in anyone's face?#Idk I just see a characterisation I don't agree with and just go oh. Kinda weird but go off. And move on.#This got longer than I meant it to but whatever #I mean if you have that pet peeve but aren't an asshole about it. It's also whatever. That opinion also doesn't hurt anybody. It's only #people who act so butthurt about it and shit on other people having fun that I have a problem with. If you put it on your own blog and #criticise that sort of content in your own space instead of coming to somebody and going 'hey. I don't like what you're doing'. Then I #couldn't care less. Again. That's kinda weird but go off #It's kind of like. I like horror but I dont care if you dont like horror and talk about it in your own space. But I'm gonna care if you #go up to horror fans and go 'hey I think horror sucks' or 'I dont like horror so you shouldn't either'.

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tvrningout · 8 months

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we turn the page to a new chapter | mutuals meet ciaran ♡

" i think something's wrong with me. " typically bright and boisterous, it's odd to hear ciaran sound so small. it's odder yet to see him stare at his hands with something between disgust and fear ( so often he smiles and jests to keep the mood light -- how worrisome it is to see him in such a state ).

a deep red circles ciaran's pupil as he looks up at them, and most might mistake the color of his eyes for hazel. his eyes shine with unshed tears, brow furrowed and lips stubbornly pressed together to keep himself together. " i wanted them to die. i thought they deserved it. i... " he looks so lost.

#: ) ciaran dealing with eyda's influence and confiding in your muse? yeah : )#tbh i gotta wonder if he'd talk to cyrillo and kaiya about this bc he wouldn't want to worry them #but he also trusts them more than anyone else in this world #so i dunno :' )#also once again! can work for modern or main verses <3 #i haven't typed up either rn but i mean #not much changes between the two for him aside from helping around the pub kaiya works at vs. joining her and cyrillo in the free army #interactions | ciaran #open starter | ciaran

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multishipper-baby · 1 year

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Deltarune Chapter 3 will be an interesting one, I think, because it will allow us to get a more clear vision on the patterns the game follows. What things are likely to be repeated and what are just coincidences.

Like... Every dark world so far has had a ruler, but I wonder if that's a necessity? Are all dark worlds MADE with some type of monarchy? And even if they are, how much can that be played around with? Because I can totally see the next storyline being about Toriel becoming the queen of the new dark world (and maybe also the antagonist depending on how the story goes?).

#deltarune #we also had a secret boss for both chapters which I think will repeat for all of them #toby is obviously building up something with the shadow crystals and all that stuff so I doubt he'd just drop that #I do wonder whether they'd be more of a spamton or a jevil though #because spamton has a much bigger role in his chapter than jevil did. he's got two fights instead of one (three if you count snowgrave)#not to mention his shop. he's also a completely unavoidable encounter #meanwhile I didn't at all know about jevil when I first played chapter one #also- the weird route. will we have another one? or will this chapter be like chapter one and put a stop to our murder?#I like to think we'll be able to kill (or force someone else to do it I guess)#this time we'll be in the dark world with toriel and undyne though. not sure if either of those two would be easy to manipulate #although maybe we can convince toriel to genocide the darkners by saying that she should do it to protect kris #idk I just want bloodshed

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britneyshakespeare · 7 months

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i was hanging out today w a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and kaily and i were catching up on all the drama involving him (my controlling manipulative and abusive ex-friend) and how he keeps going out of his way to ask ppl about where we are and find us and how the only reason i think i get out of it is bc i don't go to the same college as him anymore, i hardly ever leave the house socially and the few ppl i do see all have no connection w him anymore, and i don't work at some place where he can just show up. i work in pre-k-to-12 public schools. my schedule in terms of days/location is irregular anyway, but if some strange adult man shows up for no particular reason and seeks out a female employee, you do not just get let in. that is how you have the cops called on you. but he does know where i live and i have been paranoid about him finding some excuse to show up at my house. i've had legitimate nightmares about that. i never stopped having nightmares about him i'd say at least once every other week and i haven't talked to him in almost six months.

i don't like at all how i don't feel safe in a way that means i have faith that the issue is over; the person is out of my life; our communication will not be renewed against my will once again. bc all of those things have been attempted. i feel safe in a way that means he happens, by circumstance, not to be able to access me in any convenient way to him. any way he could find me (the only way to feasibly do that would be work/home) would be a justification for calling the police. but i don't have any faith that he wouldn't try, because he has shown himself as being capable of being that low. and if i switch jobs or transfer schools finally and he finds out about it, he can just make it an issue there if he so feels like it, and i'm sure he will. he's a monster. he gets some sort of thrill out of making other ppl feel unsafe and having all the control in the situation

#tales from diana #it was very validating to talk to her bc she never really liked him #in fact i used to be so humiliated when i'd bring him to hang out w my older friends #bc he'd go oooon and on and on about how nobody listens to him nobody understands him nobody cares about or appreciates him #and then i'd be like 'oh my friends are good ppl! ill introduce u' and i did. i made the effort to bring him to them a LOT #(and he would make me feel like he envied me for my oh-so-superior life which i most definitely do not have)#but then he would not listen to her not understand her not care about her and not appreciate her #nor any of my friends for that matter. but he was SO disinterested in her in particular in a way that was just sooo disrespectful #he wouldnt let me hold a conversation w her. or let me bring her into a conversation w him. he'd DOMINATE #in general he didn't like me talking to anybody else or anyone talking to anyone else or anyone else talking #ive never seen a man who cared so little about somebody else getting to finish a sentence.#and like there's a lot of adhd in our friend group. we all (myself especially) have our spirited interjections #and occasionally interrupt but we realize when we're doing it and then pull back & let the other person finish #we try to keep other ppl on track w what they were saying when they go on a tangent #you know. we try and communicate effectively #even tho we r not naturally perfect at it lol.#we're adults who respect each other it's almost like!#but yeah. he was only interested in impressing the couple of men in my friend group essentially #he'd talk abt how my two guy friends r cool & how he wants to be closer to them #and i'd stick up for this woman i hung out w today & he had just absolutely no interest in her #she never liked him anyway which was so baller of her. good on her. she detected his rudeness #and that rudeness used to vex me so much. i suppose bc i couldnt bear to see him treat other ppl how he treated me #altho to a much lesser extent w the overt lovebombing he did to me and the traumadumping and intense reliance upon me #he seriously needed my attention 24/7 it didn't matter if i was studying or working or in bed sick for two weeks #literally he and his vapid fucking needs came before everything in my life according to him. always. crazy #the entitlement of that man is ridiculous. so of course he thinks there's nothing wrong w seeking me out #of course.#i wouldnt care if he died

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elytrafemme · 1 year

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long theoretical post about my friend hugging me

like. to dissect a matter that none of you are involved in and then i'll delete in the morning: my friend in college hugged me about ten minutes ago and i don't understand why. he's a physically affectionate person so we knew it was bound to happen, it was a running joke between us that we'd like schedule our hug to happen. nothing extraordinary happened tonight. in the second half -- which is when i spent the most time with him -- i was so fucked up that i barely processed what was going on? i was listening to what he was telling me, he just rambled about stuff, and it's interesting and i could recite all of it if asked and the expression he made at each part, but there was absolutely nothing in my head. and he never asked if i was okay which i think he would have if he thought something was wrong, because he's done that before. and we were alone so he could have and there would have been zero consequences. but he didn't ask me what was wrong, so it's hard to assume that the hug was for emotional consolation reasons. he wouldn't have noticed me on the brink of tears, either, he's not that observant. i would have known if he had. and i didn't do anything truly kind to him today, i listened to him talk about his interests and we hung out for a while, but that's what we do all the time. nothing happened. there was the chair thing but i thought i played that off well, i tried to have a coherent narrative about it an hour later too so he would guess what i had hoped, and i think i was successful. he wasn't distressed, i would have known. and he was tired but he's been tired a lot before and he's never acted like this. so he had zero reason to hug me unless he maybe sensed that this entire time i just really fucking wanted him to hug me, but he wouldn't have, and i would never have voiced that, because i don't want him to see me at that level. but i needed that hug badly. and i don't understand why i received it.

#nightmare.personal #neg #he's the easiest person to be around i think. because there are a lot of conversation topics to have #and i understand the way his mind ticks pretty well at this point #that's going to change in spring semester. maybe. which is going to really suck. but it'll be okay.#nothing i offered him would differ from what anyone could give him is the issue #i'm really good at that. you don't really need to have a ton of anything to listen to people #it's just listening. and yeah i guess people are bad at that? but like.#i don't know. he could talk to literally anyone else. all of them could talk to literally anyone else and they actively do #part of my brain is trying to rationalize myself into calming down but the other half is the one i want to indulge because #fuck. fuck. i can't do this forever.#like someday i have to snap right. i can't keep doing this. it's like a time loop.#this always happens and i only vaguely remember tomorrow but it'll happen two days after and it'll be bad #and i will always want to crack under pressure but never do #and if nothing's wrong with me why the hell am i like this?#i wish he didn't hug me. i should have got my book and fucking left.#i only waited because i was getting the book back from his roommate who was off calling his girlfriend #but honestly. that guy even though he's my friend. if he saw me crying he'd do nothing #because i don't think he would care even slightly. we're good friends now i'd say. he would not care.#at least this happened in a pretty way. that's something huh.

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