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residentdormouse · 1 year

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I Need Thirty-Six Vicodin and Five Segments with Chosen Words

I was having trouble coming up with an intro, so I went to the trail to think. Walking does after all give the illusion of the story moving forward. This shouldn’t have been hard. Sure House is infinitely more cranky, but still of the same ilk as Glen. Intelligent. Logical. And with an overwhelming amount of cynicism. Humanity is overrated and religion is the placebo of the masses. Put Glen’s mocking “You’re here for the same reason as the rest of us, Larry. Because the magic lady says it’s God’s will.” next to House’s “You talk to God, you’re religious; God talks to you, you’re psychotic.” and, well, just give me the Pam meme right now.

(Hell, the both of them even have questionable pain management.)

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just formulating comparisons based on the parallels I want to hear. I guess that’s fair. Or maybe not. If I wanted fair, I chose the wrong species. Regardless, I suppose I should cut this off before I start to drive through a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while putting away my phone because the parasites that I have, in fact, grown to love require something. There is no ‘I’ in team. There is a ‘me’ though if you jumble it up, and that’s who’s got to round up snacks.

My Words: Motorbike, Limp, Scar, House, Duck

Your Words: Book, Spell, Three, Witch, Magic

(volley to you, @mrsmungus)

Motorbike:

(No ‘motorbikes’, but I got plain ‘bikes’ and ‘motorcycles’.)

The bike definitely sped up the journey. He only took breaks when needed, stocked up when it was dire, and pushed himself more than he probably should. But he was making damn good time.

'Fuck…'

As he came up to the gap in the road, he cut the engine. Once the bike was secure, Harold hopped off to inspect the damage. He could take a detour, but that would set him back quite a while. And who knew how much time he really had.

But was it any longer than trekking the rest by foot? That's what she had done.

He didn't get much further in thought when he heard a voice. His voice. The last member of the group he'd want to run into first.

Stuart fucking Redman.

Limp:

"You really have to find the fun in life, Professor."

"Can't really say this is the type of fun I'm looking for."

A retort was in the works, but a new voice caused the both of them to pause any further dialog.

"Well then, I'd look into moving your ass!"

Before they could even fully turn, a crash echoed out behind them. Smashing into the nearby wall, one of the odd creatures fell limp on the floor. He had barely processed the change in their situation before Max had moved onto the next threat.

"Ain't the fucking movies guys!! Grab the popcorn and go!"

Scar:

“I never did get to show him.”

She wasn’t sure if Nick had caught the comment or not. Didn’t matter, it wasn’t said for him; the admission was something she needed to say for herself. To realize and come to terms with it by vocalization. One moment on a growing list of many things that would never happen in this life.

The concept of loss wasn’t new to her. Being around as long as she had, it was unavoidable. After a while, the ratio of emotional scar tissue to unadulterated hope turned for the worse, and she found herself becoming desensitized to most things in life. Or at least she though. There would always be things like this that happened, things that would remind her of the pain of being alive. Something to cut deep beyond the surface to hit nerves that somehow hadn’t died off centuries ago.

A few moments passed as she sat next to her sadness. Alongside a memory that would now only live in her imagination.

House:

Glen sat back and waited for the next response. Seconds turned to minutes. While he wanted to give her the chance to investigate and report back, the prolonged silence was now at a concerning level. Concerning pushing thoroughly alarming. "Hayden, tell me what's happening."

"There's light behind the bookshelf. The whole thing can move, but not with the book in place. If I can just knock it out, maybe…"

The static from the stereo was quiet, but in the otherwise silent house, it was recognized immediately. Glen turned quickly to the device, and felt his breath catch.

"Hayden, don't try t---"

Static jumped to a full blast, and Hayden cried out in pain. Her hands gripped the arms of the chair, and he was sure her nails dug the whole way through the fabric. Obscenities flew from his mouth as he scrambled over to her, one of his hands taking hers.

"Hayden, you have to wake up now!"

He gave her hand a squeeze, but she only cried out once more. Multiple cracks rang out over the static as the ceiling fan light bulbs burst like popcorn, glass shards raining down like confetti. Instinctively, Glen covered his head and then shook the shards off onto the floor. The blaring static was deafening, and the burst of the end table light bulbs were completely drowned out, as were the blown lights over the dining room table. Glen turned back to Hayden, and watched as a trickle of blood began to run down from her nose.

Duck:

As they both moved past the bar, she realized the walkway was more packed than she realized. Weaving through the group was not difficult for her, but Harold seemed to have a extra helping of awkward holding him back.

Where her movements were fluid, Harold’s had a stiffness to them. Sure, they were a similar breed, but where she moved with the elegance of predator, stealthily slinking from spot to spot, sly movements until she was ready to strike, Harold acted as a cornered animal pushed against a wall, fur standing on end ready to lash out at the nearest hand.

The further they got from the crowd, the more obvious their tailing became. Diving into a nook by the stand up freezer, ducking into a closet. It was all good until they reached the stairs to the basement.

A slow progression was made down to the bottom; she didn’t know how many times she had seen cover blown over a squeaky step. Creaking floorboards. Rookie moves.

But so was shouting out exclamations.

“Fuck me, Quinn! You’re sticking your dick in the goddamn queen bitch of the undead!”

#Merry Christmas and a Happy Go To Hell #now excuse me while I go listen to cheap and cheerful #mouse's tag games & reblogs #mouse and miranda back on the nonsense

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blush-and-books · 4 years

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i am always yours

canonverse juke one-shot, light angst with a happy ending :) as a part of the effort to get juke back on the tumblr fandometrics ship list! title from the end of all things by p!atd. again, fuck brendon urie, but i’ve had this hc about luke for awhile (you’ll see what i mean) and had to get this out! <3 enjoy!

When Julie told Luke about Panic! At The Disco, she didn’t just give him a list of songs to check out. She advised to listen through entire albums.

“You have a lot to catch up on,” she said, grinning over a mug of steaming tea. Her smile could convince him to do anything. “And these guys were a phenomenon. Despite… A lot that has happened with their lead singer, you’ll appreciate the music. Just give it a try when you feel like it.”

Julie never rushed him on anything. It was one of the things he loved most about her -- she only really insisted he know how to use her phone and the internet and maybe know some memes, but the rest was up to him. She loved him -- he hoped -- even if he wanted to stay in 1995.

However, whenever she told Luke to do something, like “look into it if you’re interested” or “check it out if you’re ever bored,” he would jump on it in an instant.

He wondered if she ever noticed. Acts of service was one of those love language things that Flynn was always talking about, right? Does making the effort to show an interest in the other person’s life by listening to every album by a band they like count?

He would ask Reggie or Alex, but Reggie doesn’t have much experience in the love department and Alex and Willie are much better at communicating than he is with Julie.

To be clear: Luke doesn’t have experience either. In fact, Reggie probably has more romantic experience between the two of them.

But none of it was as serious. This weird thing he has with Julie; this undefined, label-lacking supernova of passion and emotion that he has curled up in his chest is so strong sometimes it hurts. When Julie was upset at him and ignored him, it felt like the time his mom took his guitar and locked it away for a week.

But when Julie is around, and she’s smiling at him, he could swear that not even a roaring audience could spark the kind of nirvana he feels.

So, the day after she gives him the name of every Panic! album to date, she goes to school for six hours and he sneaks her laptop down to the garage and starts his deep dive.

(Yes, Julie gave him computer privileges. He knows boundaries. She’s just broadened hers.)

Blissfully and with few interruptions from his other bandmates, he goes through the first albums quickly. He skips most of Pretty Odd -- Julie should have warned him about that one -- and is enjoying himself until he gets to the later projects which are significantly less his sound.

But he keeps going. He reaches their album from 2013, which has this neon-angsty-alt-pop vibe that he honestly has a neutral opinion on. The songs are all good until he realizes that half of them have a painfully romantic overtone that ropes his mind back to Julie every time he tries to stray.

Fuck, one of the songs is literally titled Girl That You Love. How is he not supposed to have a montage of Julie in his head?

And then some shit called Far Too Young To Die comes on, and yes, he agrees, he was far too young to die. He also vows to never listen to it again in the next 24 hours because he is ultimately tempted to loop it until Julie comes back and kiss her breathless the second that she walks through the door.

Moving on, Collar Full doesn’t make things much better. He is sick and tired of waiting and dancing around his feelings for her, and every time they are together he is filled to the brim with lyrics and love from just minutes in her presence.

(“If you’re gonna be the death of me, that’s how I want to go” definitely shatters him. But only briefly. He wants to soak up every ounce of love he can get from her before the world catches up to them and he’s crossing over without his consent.)

Luke thinks that he’s out of the woods when he hits the album-ending ballad, The End of All Things.

And then he sees that he’s still in the thick of it.

The way it hits him is nearly indescribable -- but every line hits like a read-aloud of his diary.

No matter where he is, or where he ends up, his soul will always belong to Julie Molina. And that’s the truth of it. He can cross over or the band could break up and he could wander the planet as a lost ghost for the rest of eternity, but his soul will linger; tied with Julie’s in an unsolvable knot.

He is hers.

He is hers, he is hers, he is hers.

And he’s in love with her.

He can’t ask her to love him back. But he can hope, right? For just a single moment where they can lay together and be Julie and Luke like they should have been.

The tears on his cheeks and under his eyes don’t register until they are streaming down his neck and onto the pillow that he’s laying on.

He doesn’t deserve Julie, he knows that. And he knows how fucking selfish it would be to even try. But sometimes the wanting reaches inside of him and individually snaps each and every one of his ribs, and that feeling keeps him pushing and pulling like the tide. Get close to her, make her smile, make her laugh.

Leave her alone. Stop flirting. Don’t you dare hurt her.

Think about somebody other than yourself.

This song, he ends up looping. Over and over and over until his emotions are exhausted and he doesn’t have any tears left to cry. He’s on his… Probably his ninth listen when the doors crack open, and the piano music is leaking out of the garage as Julie slips in.

“Luke! Hey, uh… Oh! You’re listening to Panic!”

He guiltily allows his heart to skip at the pleasant surprise in her smile. Clearing his throat, he swipes his hands viciously across his cheeks to rid of the tear stains and shoots her one of his classic smiles. “‘Course, Boss. You told me to.”

Her backpack hits the coffee table as she slowly approaches the couch to settle next to him. “Yeah, well… I didn’t actually expect you to. People normally just say ‘yeah, I’ll check it out!’ and then no one talks about it again.”

Something rubs him the wrong way about her not thinking that he would actually follow through with her recommendation. Does she doubt him? How does she not know that she could say jump and he would ask how high?

“Well, I’m not normal people. I care about what you care about.”

He knows he got her when she averts her eyes to Alex’s drums across the room; giving Luke a perfect view of her blush. Maybe he lets himself revel in it for a moment longer than necessary.

“Anyways, how was school? Did you have a good day?”

“It was fine,” she shakes off her previous flusteredness, tucking her leg under her body so that she can turn to fully face him. “But there's nothing to tell. I would much rather hear about what you thought of Panic! And you have to tell me why you were wiping tears off of your face when I came in.”

Luke mirrors her position and gives her a joyful grin, trying to ignore the fact that she clearly noticed him trying to clean his face and wants to talk about it. The two of them have been so good at communication, and if it were about anything else, he would tell her.

But he was nearly sobbing because of how much he loved her and couldn’t have her, so…

“They were pretty cool, I’ll give it to you. I liked the album… Vices and Virtues?” Julie nods her head. “Yeah, that one. I was finishing the Vegas one when you got home.”

“Did you like it? The album you just finished. It sounded like End of All Things when I came in.”

With wide eyes and an exaggerated nod, Luke is praying internally that she will move on and go on a tangent about her favorite albums and songs because he just wants to listen to her talk and quietly love her instead of dodge questions about his emotions.

“Okay, and did you like it? Is that-” She chuckles. “Is that what got you emotional? I mean, I get it, that song hits different sometimes, but-”

Luke stays quiet. If he keeps his mouth shut, and just smiles and stares and nods, it won’t slip.

“... Luke? Are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, of course!”

“... So? Are you… Are you okay? Did it remind you of your mom?”

It reminded me of you, he instantly corrects her with the little voice in his head.

But the voice sounds louder than usual, and then Julie’s eyes widen, and Luke couldn’t even smile and nod well enough to cover this up. Since when is he so bad at bottling up his emotions?

Right. Since he couldn’t write songs about his feelings. Because if he did, Julie would see them, so every word of affection toward her was shoved into an overflowing filing cabinet in his brain that was probably waiting to explode at any moment.

“It- Really?”

Mental checklist: She isn’t running away. She isn’t crying. She isn’t running away while she’s crying.

She isn’t slapping him, or screaming at him, or expressing any negative emotions.

Maybe he can push another inch… Just for some relief.

“Y- Yeah.” The single word takes considerable effort to stutter out, but he says it.

Julie formulates her next move. “And… Like, what about it? What reminded you of me?”

Is Luke imagining things, or did she just shift closer to him? Oh, God. The selfishness has already done it’s damage. He’s initiating something that he definitely shouldn’t for both of their sake, but-

God, why does she look so pretty?

“Y’know,” he scratches the back of his neck, “the… The lyrics.”

“The lyrics?” “Yeah.”

“Which ones?”

She’s leaning in. Her fingers are trailing up the side of his leg, and he wants to poof himself out of this conversation but what would hiding do? Just create a bigger gap between them?

His mom always told him he was selfish. He really, really doesn’t want to be selfish to Julie. He wants to protect her. He wants to put her health and happiness and life before his. Hurting her will never give him peace.

Is he being selfish either way? Telling her his feelings to make himself feel better, and avoiding his feelings because he thinks it will be better without talking to her about it -- neither are ideal, are they?

His hand, which was previously resting in his lap, inches down to brush against hers. “The first verse…” Their index fingers wrap around each other. “And the chorus, and the second verse…”

Both of their hands tangle until Luke doesn’t even remember what his hand looked like before, because all he sees is a bronze-ivory marble of skin and he knows he doesn’t ever want to see his hand without hers again.

“Luke…”

“Yeah, Boss?” “Why were you upset?”

She really won’t let it go. She clearly knows him too well, because he would hope any other person would be distracted by the fact that they were about to kiss, but this is Julie. They’re friends first. Family first.

He owes her honesty, doesn’t he?

“Because the song was right,” he answers, staring deadlocked at their joined hands. “No matter where I am, or how much time goes by… It’s gonna be you. On my mind. My feelings will never change.”

He can’t tell, but Julie’s heart ignites in her chest.

“Feelings? What-”

Somehow, the words still don’t want to come out. The eight letters are resisting every opportunity she has offered him, so he resorts to actions and cuts her off by raising their joined hands to kiss the back of her hand.

His lips linger before their union drops back into the space between them.

“... Oh.”

“Yeah.”

In a moment of courage, Luke peeks up at her, just to see how she looks. If he can read everything she’s feeling in a millisecond of a glance.

There are tears in her eyes.

“Whoa, Jules, why are you crying?” “Why were you crying?”

“Because I’m afraid of doing this!” Her hand tightens around him at his volume. “Julie, I- I don’t want to do anything selfish. I can’t have you thinking I’m selfish. I’m afraid of-” He has to take a deep, shaky breath. “When we hold hands or when you smile at me and I just feel so much and then I tell myself that I can’t, because you have so much ahead of you, and I don’t even know what’s in my future.”

The tears well in her eyes. “What would you be doing that’s selfish, Luke? You have a second chance at life. You should fucking live it. You have a future, and it has the boys, and the band, and me. I’m in your future.”

There’s a beat, because he’s looking at her, and he wants to cry but he wants to say it so badly.

He still doesn’t know how much time he has in the future, but Julie is telling him that she’ll be there. And he needed that more than anyone would understand.

“Well, aren’t I?”

Julie’s question shocks him a little because he hadn’t realized that he had been quiet for so long. Her bottom lip trembles the smallest amount when she sucks in a deep breath, and it sets him off to do what he had once deemed to be the most selfish act of all.

His free hand tucks itself in the hair on the base of her neck and tugs her towards him before he covers her mouth with his in a kiss that he has furiously dreamed of for a long time. For such a sweet moment, there is an overload of passion behind it. All of his fantasies were rushed and adrenaline-fueled after shows before he would talk himself down; and now, that is translating to this kiss.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps as he pulls away. “That’s the selfish thing I was worried about. Fuck, I-”

Her hand wrestles free from his, and suddenly, two hands are on his cheeks like the night after the Orpheum and the love of his life is pulling herself into his lap. On autopilot, he untucks his leg from underneath him and shifts to sit normally on the couch while Julie’s legs hold her up on each side of his hips.

And she’s kissing him again, touching him again, before he can let the panic set in. She moves her lips against his like she has her own overflowing filing cabinet of feelings and fantasies and lyrics just for him.

Her hands wondrously drain every jolt of worry and anguish from his nervous system as they run from his face to his arms to his chest and back again. Kissing Julie Molina is a thousand little feelings and it’s own feeling in itself.

When you get cold water from a water fountain and it’s so refreshing that you insatiably want more. When the set ends and Luke is taking his bows and watching people scream and clap for their performance, knowing once again he’s succeeding in the one thing he’s ever wanted to do.

Only now, making music is now tied with making Julie happy on that list of priorities.

Holding her under his hands is stupidly one of his favorite things, and in this context, it is leaving him clawing for more. He applies more pressure against her back to try and press her closer, but it never feels like enough.

Julie is an endless fountain of fervor, and he can only drink up everything he can get.

She’s the one who pulls away this time; but she keeps her fingers knotted in his hair because she plans to not stray far.

“You’re not selfish,” she sighs, chest heaving with deep breaths. “If you think that’s selfish, then I’m selfish. And we can do this together. We deserve it.”

Hearing the words tumble from her lips cancels out every fight he’s ever had with his mother.

She’s right -- they do deserve it. She shut the world out for a year, he was locked away from the world for 25, and by some miraculous turn of fate, they were brought to each other.

“We deserve it,” he repeats, a little distracted by her blown pupils and delirious smile. “We deserve it.”

They lean in at the same time to fall back into one another like it’s a new routine they’ve set. Luke doesn’t say the words, not yet, at least-

Because like she said, they deserve this. Julie Molina is on his lap, in his arms, playing him with her soft hands like his skin is the ivory keys she’s been playing since childhood. He loves her, and he’s pretty sure that she loves him -- so maybe, even though the future is uncertain, he can just wait a little longer to tell her. There’s simultaneously less of a delay and less of a rush.

Later, when they’re in her room and staying up way too late for a school night in deep discussion, he mumbles it against her forehead while she has her head tucked into his shoulder and their shared earbuds are playing The End of All Things.

Any concerns of selfishness fade when she wastes no time in reciprocating his declaration and punctuating her feelings with a cripplingly soft kiss above his collar bone.

If any of this is selfish, they can be selfish together. Luke can find himself to be content in that if Julie is right there with him.

tags: @lydias--stiles @bluefirewrites @willexx @moreflowersthanweeds @ruzek-halstead @xxprettylittletimebombxx @unsaid-emily

#juke #jukebox #jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfic #juke fanfic #julie molina #luke patterson #julie molina x luke patterson #palina

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dying-suffering-french-stalkers · 3 years

Note

For the ship game: prime numbers for Lupin x Jigen!

HERE YOU GO GHOST, THIS WAS FIVE PAGES IN A GOOGLE DOC AND TOOK ME SEVERAL HOURS

Under a cut, allegedly, though mobile has been known to just IGNORE THAT. Sorry in advance if this gets goofed for anyone.

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, in any place?

Lupin, obviously (and canonically). Just the horniest man you ever did see. Jigen knows what he wants and when he wants it, but he has difficulty keeping up with Don Juan Triumphant over there. Lupin is also far less picky about locations and times than Jigen is. Jigen still has a FEW standards, thank you, and also a stronger sense of self-preservation. Lupin sometimes tries to start shit in public or during a heist and Jigen is like “I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT BUT CAN WE NOT.” The closest to public anything Jigen will put up with is bar bathroom/back-alley hookups, and he doesn’t really tend to do that with Lupin or Goemon since they have secondary locations far more suited to such activity (or at least the damn Fiat, if nothing else). That said, Jigen is a spiteful bastard and gets a huge kick out of riling Lupin up over the walkie-talkie during jobs. He is more than happy to get jumped by his boss after they make it out and secure the loot.

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Honestly, while I can totally see Lupin and Jigen doing this with their other partners, I have a harder time imagining the two of them doing this together and I’m not sure why. I feel like these two on their own both like the privacy bathing gives them, whether it’s to clean wounds or decompress from a job.

On the occasions when they do bathe together, I feel like it’s an unspoken kind of thing, where the other person quietly slips in the tub/shower with them and they just don’t bother protesting. I think Lupin is more likely to join Jigen in his bathing, but if Jigen is sleepy enough or lonely enough he might do the same. There is a lot of mutual appreciation of scars. They’ve definitely smoked in the tub before (Intricate Rituals™). Lupin is probably more likely to get handsy, because Lupin, but two can play that game if Jigen is feeling it, and also Jigen gives Lupin a run for his money in the staring department. No hat to hide behind now.

Lupin has also 100% done the whole “Hey Jigen, do you know if—stop screaming, it’s me—do you know if we have any more instant dashi? Goemon’s gonna slice up the sofa if I ruin soba night again.”

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Jigen, but to be fair, he canonically sleeps on the couch most nights (possibly to keep an eye on the door, possibly because he knows that place, at least, is always “acceptable” for him to occupy). It’s an odd night if you don’t see Jigen out there with a glass and a bottle of scotch and an old movie on TV. The main difference is that if he and Lupin have been fighting, he won’t bother with the formality of a glass and the TV will be playing far louder or not at all.

7) [A] Who said “I love you” first? And [B] who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

I hate to take the coward’s way out here, but I think the answers are A) either one - depends on the headcanon/fic/version of the characters I’m feeling that day, and B) both.

For A, they’re both the sort of people to show their love—true love/affection, not just flirtation/infatuation, LUPIN—in action, not words. Lupin is a man of many words to a fault, generous with his verbal and physical affection, so Lupin has to find a way to make sure Jigen knows he means it and how he means it. He may rightly fear that Jigen won’t believe him (or else believe him but take it platonically) if he says “I love you” to his face, so first he’ll show him through every little action he can. Jigen is a man of few words to a fault, so saying personal stuff like that out loud is both a last resort and the point of no return. Getting him to say it at all, unambiguously, and while sober is like pulling teeth. Once one of them finally spits it out, though, I think the other is quick to reciprocate (again, if they manage to say it clearly and under good circumstances and not ambiguously/while drunk or wounded/etc. They’re both idiots and selective cowards so this is a big if). The mutual relief is palpable and immediately followed by sex, because they’re both (horny) idiots and selective cowards who do not want to talk about Emotions and Personal Things any more than strictly necessary.

For B, ohhhh man, if it isn’t that same emotional avoidance coming to bite them in the asses! Looks like talking about deep emotions is strictly necessary after all! You know it’s a Big Important Argument for them if this is what it comes to. This is going to tie in somewhat to the answers for 11, 17, and 23, so stay tuned. “Because I love you” coming from either of them should give the other pause, but if they are angry enough, they’re both quite likely to storm off after that declaration anyway. They’ll come back and have a real discussion later, but the shock or frustration of that arresting declaration dropped in the middle of an argument is something neither of them are great at dealing with. Hearing that from Jigen might be enough to stop Lupin in his tracks, but Lupin might also be so dead-set on something that he’ll steamroll right over it even if he knows he’ll regret it later. Hearing that from Lupin probably only makes Jigen angrier because of his awful self-esteem (see answers 11 and 23), and even if he’s been working on that, his instinct will be to snarl “Yeah, right” and storm out the door. I like to think that one day they are able to get to the heart of the argument sooner (because this is almost always it) and work on the behaviors that worry the other so much, but alas, they are a mess.

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Once again, either of them depending on the day.

As you mentioned in your JiGoe post, Jigen says it partly because he thinks it’s funny (“You have a crush on me, Boss? Fuckin’ embarrassing”) but also because he’s fishing for validation. His self-esteem/confidence in anything outside his shooting skills is shit and he still can’t quite believe that Lupin isn’t lying/he hasn’t conned Lupin into something. This is rather overestimating his conning skills and underestimating his many good qualities, but, well, genuine, lasting affection is kinda new for him. Much to Jigen’s annoyance, Lupin figures out exactly what Jigen’s up to after the first few times and answers him seriously (and positively) instead of continuing the “joke”. Lupin loses patience for this particular tactic over time but I like to think that Jigen finally begins believing in the affection, too, so it comes up less and less and one day Jigen might actually play the quip straight without the self-deprecation. Ideally he would just take the damn compliment, but it’s LupJig and banter is one of their love languages.

When Lupin says it, he typically is playing the quip straight and fondly giving Jigen shit for showing an Emotion and motherFUCKER I just realized Jigen could probably be considered a tsundere. I hate this. ANYWAY. Jigen then immediately snarks back that yes, Lupin, considering we’ve been travelling the world together and actively fucking for X years, it’d be damn awkward if I didn’t by now.

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Lupin absolutely initiates duets, or rather, he tries to; whether or not Jigen actually chimes in is another matter entirely. Lupin is also the better singer by far (when he’s sober). He loves singing along to pop and rock in the car (“This is the reason God invented America!”).

Much as it would please me personally to give Jigen a smooth operatic baritone, there’s no way in hell he sounds good after smoking a pack a day for twenty-something years. I think Jigen can carry a tune and he’s a decent hummer and whistler, but his singing voice isn’t spectacular.

Lupin occasionally succeeds in getting Jigen to join him in car karaoke, though as in all things, Lupin is much louder and more impassioned. Jigen frequently hums along under his breath, though, and Lupin loves hearing Jigen’s a cappella renditions of classical music (complete with hand motions).

When Queen starts becoming popular, car singalongs become much more involved because it’s MY silly headcanon and You Are Not Immune To Queen. Jigen cried the first time he heard “Bohemian Rhapsody” and he will kill Lupin if he ever tells Goemon or, God forbid, Fujiko. When the four of them are in the car it’s a full-on Wayne’s World headbanging party. (Pops is the drunk guy they pick up along the way. Also, seeing Payless Shoe Source in this clip dealt me psychic damage.)

Lupin and Jigen (and Goemon) are the living embodiment of the drunk friends singing “Sweet Caroline” post, and Jigen is specifically this version of “Sweet Caroline”.

17) Who is more protective?

THAT IS THE QUESTION, HUH, GHOST? Jigen’s job and, to a certain degree, raison d’être is protecting Lupin, but (to cheat slightly and quote your own DM to me), if you think Lupin won’t raze everything to the ground to keep Jigen (and the others) safe, you don’t know him at all. They are this meme to the deepest of faults. They are both so desperately afraid of losing what they have (and in Lupin’s case, this is tinged with a bonus, even more concerning “what is his”) that they will go full self-sacrificing, scorched-earth policy. This is, in fact, my favorite reason for Lupin to do the worst thing he does: fake his own death to protect his partners. Lupin never stops to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, he should trust his partners to fake grief and keep the secret long enough for whoever’s on their tail to give up or let their guard slip. Lupin is willing to hurt them in an effort to protect them, so in that way, I suppose Lupin is the “most” “protective”. Jigen’s self-abasement to the point of unhesitating and perhaps even hasty sacrifice is painful, too, but Jigen would never dare go to the same level of deception (except in Goodbye, Partner, apparently? But 1) I haven’t watched it yet and 2) while awful, I still feel like fake betrayal pales in comparison to very convincingly (AND MAYBE REPEATEDLY) faked death).

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

They split driving duties, but Lupin genuinely loves driving and Jigen is more than happy to prop his feet on the Fiat’s dashboard and smoke or sleep the hours away.

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the other’s love? and who’s more afraid of losing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!! I think the answer to all of these is ultimately Jigen, but that’s not to say Lupin doesn’t share the exact same worries.

Jigen has a very difficult time believing that his partners’ love is genuine, and since Lupin is the one he knew first, that’s where it first manifests. Jigen has had very, very few good romantic connections in his life (if any). He doesn’t know what Lupin could possibly see in an older, prickly hired killer with a drinking problem and a head full of demons. He’s willing to believe that Lupin keeps him around for his skills, for protection, and for sex, sure, but anything past that? Doubtful. This ties into the other two parts of the question: Jigen is afraid that if he fails in his sharpshooting or his protection, he will be cut out of the gang, or worse, Lupin will end up dead because Jigen slipped up. As mentioned in question 17, Jigen cannot bear to lose Lupin and he would never forgive himself if he believed it was somehow his fault. Accordingly, Jigen takes “failure” that exceeds his usual margin of error very seriously in the early days. Later, he is better about this, but the worst-case scenario still stands.

Lupin, on the other hand, has had plenty of romantic connections, some good, some bad, though it is perhaps telling that Fujiko is his longest romantic relationship other than Jigen. He is afraid that if he doesn’t put on the world’s greatest show at all times, no one will give a rat’s ass about some scrawny grandson of an old French thief (or the perhaps unwanted/disliked son of a ruthless crime lord, because I love that fanon for Lupin the Second). He must live up to and indeed surpass the previous Lupins, he must shower his partners in money and adventure, he must always, always come out on top no matter how south the plan goes, or else what is the point of him? It takes time for him to turn his persona off for more than a few seconds, to let the quieter, sometimes contemplative side that slips through the cracks come to rest out in the open. Years down the road, Jigen finally gets up the courage and the words to tell Lupin that he would love him no matter what he did or where he went, even if that was nothing and nowhere. And again, see question 17 re: losing Jigen.

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

Lupin is by far the most guilty of this. He’s constantly pulling dumb shit, whether that be for World-Renowned Gentleman Thief reasons or just He May Be Stupid reasons. Case in point: the tunnel scene in The First, after which Jigen was duly impressed. Fortunately for Lupin, Lady Luck must be head over heels for him because the bastard keeps surviving, but sometimes even she can’t save him from medical consequences. Jigen bulk-ordered “Stupid Hurts” band-aids specifically for Lupin. Jigen’s bad choices are more likely to literally backfire on him, but Goemon more than makes up for Jigen’s slack in the Crazy Stunt department.

#I CARE THEY #hope this is comprehensible bc i honestly cannot tell #i have many thoughts on these two human disasters #lupin iii #jigen #asks #the-golden-ghost #long post #meta #I GUESS #can you believe i wrote five pages of meta about 1970s comedy anime characters? fucking hell. i love this fandom.#ship meme

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wickedgamesoyaoya · 4 years

Text

The thrilling saga of Hanamaki, the hero of stench continued well past forty-five minutes. And if the conversation would stray away from the subject, the comments issued by those seated nearby would immediately return the group’s attention to the humorous topic. At this point, the poor male was unsure whether his ego would ever heal from the damage it sustained today. But what swelled the sense of embarrassment colouring his cheeks was the fact it was all because of a bodily reaction he could not control. Truthfully – the absence of understanding was quite rude.

Dejected, the pink haired male sunk into the leather seat, until his chin was nestled against the lower part of his neck.

“Stop that. You’re going to hurt your neck.” Iwaizumi tugged at his shirt collar to dispel the second-hand discomfort he was experiencing as Hanamaki squinted at him, refusing to budge from the stance.

“Who needs a neck anymore. I don’t. What’s the point of going on like this? I may as well die.” The unemployed male sniffled, allowing his arms to go limp on either side of him. He was searching for sympathy and yet, all you could submit to him was your laughter. If only you could grab a photo – he could easily be turned into a meme.

“Stop being so dramatic. None of these people know you, and I doubt they will remember you after today.” Steadying his elbow against the glass table, the trainer curled his fingers into a fist then supported his cheek against it. “Sorry to break it you, but you’re not that important.”

“But I will remember.” He countered, his eyes now shifting into your direction, where you were seconds from pinching Iwaizumi’s exposed cheek. Pausing mid-motion with your finger’s inches away from his face, a sheepish smile decorated your features.

“What? Maybe this is karma for calling Tooru smelly yesterday.” While the response was clearly aimed at the sulking male, your y/e/c irises remained fixated on the one you deemed your favourite. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow in partial interest as his attention went to your hovering hand.

“That’s funny, I don’t remember your name being karma.” A low growl rumbled inside of Hanamaki’s throat, earning him a reassuring pat from Matsukawa. He would have interjected more often if he was not preoccupied by the delicious dessert plated in front of him. Dessert took priority over drama when it was the embodiment of heaven. “Look, she’s not even paying attention me anymore!”

“Now, now children. We’re all friends here.” The funeral home attendant offered without much enthusiasm, before sticking a fork coated in cream into his mouth. “Y/n, say sorry so he won’t break his neck and die.” Upon hearing his suggestion, you jutted your bottom lip into a pout in protest.

“I don’t want an apology. How am I supposed to go celebrate with your boy-toy’s business partners smelling like mutated pig?” Despite knowing no one would notice the movement, Makki crossed his arms under the table, mimicking the stance of a stubborn child.

“I’ll buy you a new outfit, cry baby. We still have some time.” After being shot down by Iwaizumi three times, defeat was grudgingly accepted. Your reflexes were no where as cultivated as his were. “Let’s settle the bill and go shopping, boys! Your sugar mama is buying!” As the declarations registered with the boys sat around you, the napkin settled onto your nap was placed onto the table.

“Yeah, I think I’ll pass. I do need to grab something though for work, so I’ll meet you guys at the shop.” The trainer removed his wallet, then began removing some bills as the other two males celebrated your announcement by completing a high-five.

“I’m still buying something for you, Hajime. You cannot stop me if you are not there.” Tapping a single finger on the side of your head, a little ‘hmph’ was blown out.

“I won’t accept it.” He did not bother to lift his gaze, knowing well what silly expression would be adorning your visage. But what he did not account for was the threat falling from your lips.

“If you don’t, I’ll scream daddy at the top of my lungs right now.”

Matsukawa stifled his laughter at your threat, while Hanamaki finally adjusted his position on the chair, grinning ear to ear in amusement. Iwaizumi exhaled a long breath, pressing two fingers against the bridge of his nose. He knew that you were shameless enough to follow through with said warning.

“Fine. I’ll accept it.”

“That’s what I thought.”

One of the positives of being a model is that people generally trust your intuition when addressing matters of fashion. It was for this reason that both of your friends did not debate you on any purchases that were made on their behalf. Hanamaki’s only request was that you did not purchase anything Osamu would wear since the cook’s wardrobe consisted only of t-shirts and jeans. Within twenty minutes, both men were dressed in semi-formal attire, radiating a sense of prestige they would not otherwise have. You fit perfectly between them with your chosen ensemble – a black cocktail dress paired with shortcut boots. Heels may have matched far more, but the pain accompanying them was not worth it.

With an arm hooked to one best friend on either side, you felt royal even if they were not your escorts.

“What time is it now? Are we almost there?” The question was hummed out to Matsukawa, who was responsible for directing the trio. His eyes focused on the GPS on his phone before returning to the area ahead.

“It’s 7:25, y/n. We will be arriving according to the GPS at 7:29. We won’t be late… For the tenth time.” Casting a glance down at the shorter girl, he shook his head with a laugh leaving his lips. “So, you’re no longer Ariel, huh? Now you’re Cinderella.”

Hanamaki snickered at the observation, prompting you to lightly dig your nails into his arm in warning. “I don’t want to mess up and be there late. Nakamura said to be there at 7:30 sharp. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“You’re stressing too hard for no reason. I’m sure he will be surprised if you’re there a minute late or early.” Leaning down, the funeral home attendant rested his cheek against your head in effort to sooth you.

“You’re right…” The admission was accompanied by a weary laugh. “I just feel kinda weird in my chest. I don’t know.” Instinctively you tightened your grip on their arms, hoping to destroy the insecurities plaguing you with the warmth their bodies provided.

“I’ll text Iwa. We’ll go inside together. You’ll feel better if he’s here.” Hanamaki padded away on the screen, alerting their mutual friend that his presence was needed.

“Mm. Okay.” You were beginning to realize the negative emotions afflicting you was because you missed Oikawa. Celebrating achievements without him placed a hole deep inside of your heart – one that only he could fill with his dramatic facial reactions and goofy laughter. Little did you know the hole would only grow in size very soon.

“Alright… So. It should be the shop right here.” Matsukawa’s voice led your attention back to the busy street. Blinking to readjust to the light, you paused when your friend did, then instinctively turned to the large windows of the shop. It was a normal reflex, one that your two friends mirrored. But none of you were mentally prepared for the scene melting into view.

Stood behind the transparent barrier was your fiancé, with three other figures. You did not pay any mind to the two men. No. Your focus was on the short blonde woman.

The same woman who was drawing your fiancé into a kiss with a fluidity that conveyed a sense of normalcy. No… She kissed him as if it were the most ordinary gesture in the world.

As if he was her lover and not yours.

Let’s do it again, shall we - human bomb

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A/N: o.o

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#osamu x you #osamu scenario #osamu smau #hq osamu #osamu x reader #osamu miya #miya osamu #osamu x y/n #osamu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smau #haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction

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sugar-petals · 5 years

Note

Can u introduce yuzuru to us the caro way?👀

so you want to know about the one and only. ♡😌

yuzuru hanyū (25) of sendai, japan: the most beautiful ice prince with a heart of gold.

….an artist clearly not of this world, he’s been sent to us from another realm. 19 world records, two olympics won, dubbed the greatest figure skater of all time. and the most precious bean on top of that.

but let’s start from the beginning, shall we ♥︎

so, want to spot yuzu on the ice? use this checklist. slender silhouette, an even slimmer waist, feather-like outfits (he sketches those himself; the fandom lovingly calls him swanyu), soft blushy face. he has great androgyny.

outside of performances, you see him either with a deer’s gaze or the brightest, biggest eye smile. also, he’s usually found sitting with his wife:

which is the ice 😄 these two are together forever. you can discern yuzu from a mile away by how he treats his working ground.

there is a purity to him. you’d not guess that this is one of the most ardent athletes if you didn’t see what’s around his neck after competitions. the guy’s cuteness is as compelling as his skating technique.

look for it: yuzu’s face is super suave and rosy up close, even after his most energetic performances. some men are handsome, others pretty, he is both.

even acoustically, he’s hard to miss. applause is all around, and he’s highly expressive. if you see a crying young man getting the high score, that’s yuzuru hanyu. you’ve not seen more beautiful happy tears.

and score reactions, anyway:

so, aye loves, the rumors are true. a cutie-pie off the ice, animated, a real unabashed meme — yuzu is easy-going, talkative. cheery, cheeky, one of a kind. his facial expressions are a league of their own.

if you thought this is the sort of guy who watches cat videos, you are correct 😄

yuz-uwu hanyu, everybody:

his undoubtedly feline behaviour is often unexpected, it stands out with its adorableness, too. a sweetheart par excellence.

and, how else could it be: vice versa, the big beast on the rink. he’s cutesy, dorky, very well-spoken in daily life, but when it comes to skating, his seriousness escalates. you blink once and suddenly hanyu is a bedazzling, strutting lion :’D his performances stun with confident elegance.

he becomes full of ardor, drama, and focus. you’d never suspect so much fire burns in him. a showman and ambition icon, hands down.

his skating is dynamic, perfected, and emotional. if you want to see art and the extra mile, tune in when hanyu competes.

the downside is; more light, more shadow. it leaves him crawling on the ice afterwards. yuzu performs so hard, it’s worrying.

he delivers it all. you won’t believe it:

this guy is an asthmatic.

the symptoms aren’t as bad as they used to be, but there are still regular attacks. he said that he’ll never take it as an excuse and often recalls how he started skating because of it. he’s a badass, extremely inspiring. yuzuru defies all limits, including gravity. his jumps have legendary status.

off the rink, you guessed it: he turns into a wholly different person.

it all dissolves completely when he’s dorking around again.

don’t let it deceive you, he’s the no other option than first place type. he could not be any more decorated with titles, he achieved the grand slam in all competitions as of 2020. and still, king of sportsmanship hanyu is respectful and smiley towards all colleagues and never lets anyone feel left out. especially when it comes to his juniors (e.g. yuma kagiyama, 16, below) which says a lot about him.

he bows in every direction before an audience, too. lower than a 90° angle, even. this is more polite than any existing formality in japan.

talk about audience: i introduced fellow japanese skater shoma uno last week, who’s more uncomfortable with social contact and aggression. yuzu, extrovert he is: the exact opposite. he withers away with no people and competition. he’s befriended rivals, had crises over not having someone who could challenge him. when a competitor retires, he’s the one crying in their arms (e.g. with team mate and bff javier fernandez from spain below).

beside his competitive spirit and princely wow factor, hanyu is popular for his winnie pooh tissue box that he caresses, squeezes, and carries everywhere. he loves good luck charms & rituals, pooh is the most important one.

fans throw pooh plushies on the ice after his performances because of it. since it’s gotten so intense, yuzu recently started cleaning them up himself on top of the flower girls for the upcoming skater who could get delayed otherwise. (more about what happens with the piles of plushies later.)

so, the burning question is.

what made yuzuru hanyu emerge so outstanding an entertainer? how does someone causing so much uproar become like that? it’s not just what kind of appearance he was given, although he really looks his part to a T. you don’t have to be an insider to see it right away.

like literally to a fault. and you can tell the way his blades sound on the ice is different. it’s soft even if he does the most hardcore quadruple jumps. i think it’s because his drive to do this is a higher one, hanyu has an altered relationship with the ice. where his devotion comes from has a more severe reason so, massive trigger warning.

this is no exaggeration: yuzuru is considered a hero to the japanese. a survivor of the earthquake 2011, he narrowly escaped the collapsing rink in his hometown on that very day. he’s often talked about how the ice shattered underneath his feet and it was the moment that defined his life forever. he could have been dead by the age of 16. his motivation has been set ever since. this man is compelled by something bigger, that’s why you hear it and you feel it. he wants to skate not just for himself but others and seize every day.

youtube

much of his copious charity work — that’s where all the pooh plushies go — went to mend the consequences of the tsunami ever since, he’s looked upon as a great hope in japan. the minister gave him the people’s honor award in 2018.

now you know why yuzuru has such a fanbase and treats the ice as sacred, you see it in every gesture. his manners are without a single flaw, he helps staff repair the ice after performances.

you might think it’s odd, but he honors the ground. he’s invested in the integrity of it. that’s why he’s the best skater. it’s gratitude and the will to live fully.

he hates to fall on the ice, he hates to damage it. alongside his feathery weight, that’s why the sound he makes while gliding along is so tender.

i think that’s also why hanyu’s signature element is the ina bauer. it doesn’t rely on brutal force, instead this element slides across the rink like a swan. yeah, oh my god.

it’s his most well-known dramatic move. the way he surrenders into it.

hanyu’s back arch and perfect split allow him to do elements no other male skaters can. his biellmann spin, for instance. i know, it’s ridiculous.

and those are just two elements of dozens and dozens. hanyu is a kinetic wizard. i highly rec this record-breaking delivery of his olympic program. in front of his home crowd! he’s just… mind-boggling. i live for his smiles here.

youtube

exceptional skater, exceptional mentor: it’s time we look at another puzzle piece that made yuzu the way he is. the masterful brian orser is hanyu’s beloved coach. missing gold by just one mistake at the olympics 1988, brian is now committed to give others what he couldn’t have— successfully so.

orser took the ice prince to gold twice, this hasn’t happened in 66 years. brian is the nicest and most supportive pooh carrier and yuzu’s utmost rock. hanyu’s talent rests safely in these hands.

he gets strict about punctuality lmao! but other than that, his guidance is gentle. canadian he is, brian’s courteousness mixes well with yuzu’s politeness. their bond is strong. as. hell.

brian picked up yuzu from rock bottom several times. most fateful being hanyu’s accident with a fellow skater during competition warm-ups nov 2014. they collided at a high speed, it was unspeakably nasty. yuzu got knocked out for half a minute and had grave breathing problems but still decided to skate on with what later turned out as an almost-concussion. brian was the most worried ice dad in the world that day.

yuzu cried and crouched and bled like mad and my heart has been broken ever since. i hope he never suffers like that again. promise me you don’t search up the video, it’s a harrowing watch like a stab to the chest. sadly enough, hanyu’s body has still been a notorious wreck, esp. ankle issues regularly give him a hard time 😔

it hurts like a bitch with every jump landing but he takes meds and still manages to win, god knows how. sometimes even with crutches on the podium. at his worst, he’s still the best, it’s a tragedy.

he’s been recovering, or always is, but he pushes himself through injuries. his ambition and perfectionism are boundless. the cause is more important to him than his well-being. this is not an easy guy to stan once you see how he sacrifices and self-destructs. so, it’s good someone protects him.

mostly from himself because nobody has profoundly surpassed hanyu. he has let himself no choice than to contest himself. not even health, only age can stop yuzu. i think that brian understands this ‘curse of a genius’ effect. his mere presence can make hanyu say these rare words:

his two other coaches contribute to that. tracy wilson (left) has proven to understand his playful side the best while ghislain briand (right) helps yuzuru deal with his fears. so you got 3 people taking care of the golden boy. brian once said: “he is very sheltered” and you can see it’s true.

yuzu eased into learning english and communicates well with his coaches. like with everything, he studies hard and often forces himself to speak during interviews to practice. his skills are astounding. his speaking voice is also very soothing, very amicably low and high alike. yuzu is highly intelligent. he always says something eloquent and interesting.

now, privately, hanyu is very much like you’d expect someone so devoted to skating would be like. he doesn’t go out, has no social media, can’t eat nor sleep very well. no cameras allowed during practice. it figures he is attached to winnie pooh, think about it. in the cartoon, pooh is someone who sleeps, eats, and engages with friends plenty.

these are the things hanyu can’t do, doesn’t have time/energy/incentive for. he is barred from balance in life but can at least admire this little carefree plushie for it. especially because pooh represents eating lots while yuzuru doesn’t have a good relationship with food (he says it doesn’t go well with jumps etc.), hanyu lives vicariously through him.

what’s more, you have to see how he throws himself onto others and never wants to let go, yuzuru is extremely cuddly.

to the degree that mere social customs can’t meet how much he really needs. so, what else can he resort to, he loves mascots and plushies. it’s how the tale goes in japan generally, tough work ethic, high responsibility, high pressure, so people turn to cute fluffy things.

he always fondles pooh’s head, even pretends he’s come to life so he has someone to snuggle with. i think that his isolated lifestyle doesn’t help. so, he gets his affection at least there, you can see how happy it makes him. and again: he does this all for charity.

that’s why fellow skaters are so important to hanyu. it really brings out his social spirit and comforts him best, it’s so wholesome. i’ve not seen someone react so relieved to being embraced, like he’s not been touched for months. skating this, skating that. at the end of the day, hanyu wants love.

as he once said, what motivates him is to express himself in the first place. hanyu is a romantic. it’s written all over him. it reflects in his music choices, his elegant motion, how he designs his outfits:

… and how thoughtfully he talks about marriage. he has big plans for starting a family and coaching after he retires. i won’t be the only one squeezing lucky charm pooh in my imagination so it turns out well for him. please make this heart of gold heal and see all his wishes come true ♡🐻

#thank you for attending this talk ❄️⛸#i need a moment this was emotional #figure skating #yuzuru hanyu #brian orser #anon #cub mail 🐅#long post #team japan

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fanfalc-616 · 3 years

Text

Time for Amnesia

Chapter Ten: “Don’t Make Me Repeat Myself.”

(Previous Chapter Here)

Yeah sorry for the mix up here’s the chapter I finally wrote after like 6 months-

Something pokes his face.

Blinking groggily, Kai looks around. Where the hell is he this time? What’s going on?

It takes him a few moments to realize that he’s stuck in some kind of prison cell, laying uncomfortably on the floor.

Jay pokes him again. “Are you awake yet?” He prompts.

Kai immediately gets to his feet, cursing at the stone walls lined with metal and the way the sole window is in the door, a set of bars through it for extra security.

“Yeah, we’re kinda stuck. Captured. The others probably have no idea where we are or who kidnapped us- we don’t even know who kidnapped us.” Jay gives a quiet laugh- one more out of fear than humor.

“We’re gonna die. This is it. We’re just going to get murdered here. Are we even going to find out who captured us? I mean probably, but we’ll be killed immediately after. I’d say we haunt them as ghosts, but after seeing what that did to Cole, I’d rather be in an afterlife. I think. I’ll have to ask him what being a ghost was really like- or I would, if we had the chance to see him before getting murdered!” Jay’s clearly panicking, and- hey, isn’t he supposed to be the experienced one here?!

Kai stares at him for a few moments. “We- we’re not gonna die.” His voice is shaky, but he tries to ignore that as he goes up to the barred window in the door. No, he won’t die, he refuses to die. This can’t be how it ends, with him not even knowing who he is! That’s not fair!

He wills his fire into his hands, but nothing happens. Scowling, he tries again, but for some reason, it still doesn’t work.

Ugh, come on, he did this before without even really thinking about it! Why is it so hard to do now?!

“Jay, blast this thing with lightning!” He instructs. “We can figure out where to go from there.”

Jay looks unimpressed. “It’s vengestone. You can’t use elemental powers when there’s vengestone.” He sounds tired, and Kai gives him a glare.

“Would you mind picking an emotion and sticking with it? Panic or calm or annoying or whatever? I’m not in the mood to navigate whatever the hell is going on in your head.”

He ignores the sputtering noise the ginger makes in response in favor of looking closer at the bars of the cell they’re in. There’s gotta be something he can do here…

Unfortunately, if there actually is something he can do, he can’t figure out what it is. Which is bullshit, but something tells him this is how his life usually ends up going.

With a grimace, he looks back at Jay. “Do you know who captured us? Or why?”

The other shrugs, which only serves to fuel his annoyance. “No idea,” he admits, “but they’re probably trying to keep us from stopping them from doing something evil.”

For a few moments, all he can do is stare. Seriously? This is what he’s working with here? What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

“That’s super helpful, thanks,” he grumbles sarcastically, silently lamenting his past self. Why would he hang out with these people to begin with? Sure, they said something about him needing to rescue Nya, but couldn’t he have just left afterwards? Why would he let himself get put into these situations?

“Look, we- we’re probably gonna be fine.” Jay assures. “It’s just- uh. I tend to overreact a lot. It’s gonna be okay, I just freak out easy.” He sounds uncertain of himself, and Kai resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“Like I said: pick an emotion and stick to it,” he snaps, turning away again. This entire situation is infuriating as it is, he really doesn’t need Jay pissing him off more.

Shaking his head, Kai comes to a conclusion. He doesn’t know what’s going down here, but whatever it is needs to hurry up and just happen.

Narrowing his eyes, he takes a step back, trying to dig back into those forgotten memories. He knows how to fight, doesn’t he? Why can't he remember it?!

With a huff, he comes to a decision. He’ll give this a shot and hope that his muscle memory will take care of it.

“Kai?” Jay speaks up behind him, but Kai ignores him in favor of taking a deep breath, preparing himself.

“Kai, I don’t think-“

Summoning all of the rage and frustration inside of him, Kai moves forward, kicking the door with as much strength as he can muster.

But even with all the force in his hit, the door only rattles against its hinges in response.

As a matter of fact, the only real result is the red-hot pain that’s suddenly jolting up his leg.

The high-pitched yelp that escapes him is just plain embarrassing, and as if to damage his pride more, he ends up stumbling backwards, falling flat on his ass against the stone floor.

“Ow,” he grumbles, grabbing his foot instinctively. Damn, that hurt a lot more than he thought it would- well, actually, he wasn’t expecting it to hurt at all. In the movies, the door would’ve just swung right open.

But this isn’t a movie. This is real.

The sudden understanding hits him like a bucket of ice water.

He keeps not thinking, he keeps just acting, but this isn’t a game. He knows nothing about what’s going on, he doesn’t know what enemies he has, and all he’s done so far is alienate the people who he needs to stay alive.

Jay pries his hands off of his foot, and Kai feels himself flinch. When had he gotten that close?

“Alright, uh, maybe don’t do that again.” The ginger suggests. “It doesn’t look too bad, but there’s probably gonna be a few bruises.”

Grimacing, Kai nods. “Okay,” he agrees, ignoring the frustration boiling in his chest.

He can’t afford to keep doing this. Like it or not, this is his situation. If he keeps this up, he’s going to get himself killed. He needs to work with the allies his past self had made- he has them for a reason.

That doesn’t make them any less annoying, though.

Jay seems surprised- probably because he didn’t snap at him. Well, actually, if he’s being honest, he probably needs to do something to fix whatever damage he had done to their relationship since he woke up.

Not romantically, though. He doesn’t even want to think about that.

Gritting his teeth, he abandons his pride- for the moment, at least. “I was being mean to you earlier. ‘m sorry.” He mutters the words in a low growl, refusing to look at the other while he does.

Even though his eyes are on the floor, he can still tell how startled Jay is. Which is honestly fair- Kai hasn’t exactly been the nicest since he woke up.

“What?”

Flashing him a glare, Kai struggles to keep his temper under control. “Don’t make me repeat myself,” he snaps.

He has to get along with these people, sure- he doesn’t have a choice- but would it really hurt for them to be less annoying? Or is that just their personalities?

Jay opens his mouth to reply, but just then, there’s a weird slithering noise coming down the hall, growing closer. Silently, they exchange a glance. The ginger seems to be trying to tell him something, but for the life of him, he can’t figure out what.

Quickly pulling the two of them to their feet, Jay grabs him by the arm and pushes him against the wall by the door. Once he has, he takes a few steps back, staring out the window definitely.

It takes a moment before that clicks- if the door is opened, anything on the other side won’t be able to immediately see him. Of course, it comes with the risk of getting a bloody nose, but-

The noise stops just outside the door, and even though Kai can’t see past the bars where he is, he can at least see the ginger’s almost shocked expression.

“Hello there, ninja. Long time no see, hm?”

Taking half a step back and clenching his fists, Jay seems to be trying to swallow back his fear. “Ha, with that ugly mug, I wish it’d been longer!” He snaps.

“And you are still as unoriginal as always, it seems,” the stranger tsks, sounding amused. “But I suppose I must ask, what happened to that little fire-starting friend of yours? He was in here earlier, I know.”

Kai feels himself tense, but Jay doesn’t even glance in his direction. “Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?” He finishes the words off with a hesitant smirk, but then pauses. “Well, I mean, I guess technically I’m the one with the lightning powers… but I’m still not telling you anything!”

There’s another pause, and after a few moments of it, Jay huffs, narrowing his eyes. “I see that someone doesn't know their memes, huh?”

“Yes, well, some of us are actually intelligent. But that is… besides the point. I wasn’t aiming for the two of you in particular for this, but I suppose you’ll do.”

This time, Jay does glance towards Kai, a poorly-hidden terrified look on his face for the split second their eyes meet.

“So he’s just beside the door, then? Hmm. I suppose I had a bit too high of an opinion of you both to think one of you could have escaped,” the stranger chuckles again, somehow making it sound even more insulting than before. “But then again, I most likely would have caught him again anyway.”

Kai can feel his breathing catch at the words, his entire body tensing with apprehension.

Who even is this guy?!

Jay scoffs, but he’s still clearly stressed out. “Don’t flatter yourself, Pythor. We’ve beaten you before, and we’ll do it again!”

Alright, so their name is Pythor. If Kai didn’t know any better, he’d say that that kind of name would belong to a serpentine. But serpentine are just an old bedtime story, so they can’t be-

Well, it wasn’t long ago he thought the same thing about magic. So it might be possible. But it still doesn’t sound-

Wait. When Lloyd was telling him about the volcano… he mentioned serpentine, didn’t he? And- and this Pythor guy specifically!

… and this serves to show that Kai should really pay more attention to what these guys talk about.

Speaking of which, he should probably tune back in to whatever’s going on with Jay and Pythor now.

“-can’t be serious. I mean, I knew you were crazy, but this is a whole new level, even for you. Didn’t someone actually say that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results? I don’t remember who, but my point stands! You-“

“Yes, well, I don’t recall asking for your opinion on the matter. I do, however, have other questions I would like answers to.” The words are spoken threateningly, intense enough that Kai can feel himself shudder.

Jay, however, looks unaffected- actually, he looks like he’s starting to calm down from his earlier panic. “And why would we give them to you?”

Fear still coiled in his guts, Kai forces himself to take deep breaths. This doesn’t look good, and Jay just seems to be escalating the situation. And Kai would try to do the opposite but one: he doesn’t know how. Two: he’s pretty sure Pythor wouldn’t listen. And three: he has a very intense desire to punch this guy in the face. There’s not really a reason, he’s just annoying and sounds really punchable.

“Well, blue ninja, I think you’ll find it’s because you don’t have a say in the matter. One way or another, I-“

Fuck it.

Shoving his rational thoughts to the side, Kai quickly sidesteps in front of the door. And- yeah, that’s definitely a serpentine. Still, he doesn’t let himself dwell on that. If anything, the long neck is a plus.

Because it’s that much easier to reach through the bars and grab.

Hand tight around Pythor’s throat, he yanks him into the door, forcing his head to slam against it with a very satisfying smack.

Kai lets himself smirk as he lets go, expecting the snake to collapse to the floor from the force of the hit.

Instead, he finds himself staring into infuriated magenta eyes.

Oh. Okay.

Kai may have made a mistake.

#ninjago fanfiction #time for amnesia au #fanfiction

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riotfuckery · 5 years

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Shattered hearts and clean shirts pt 2

Sero Hanta x F!reader

A/N: Hello my beautiful readers! It’s your friendly neighborhood big tiddy goth gf here with shattered hearts and clean shirts pt2! It’s all fluff this time with some tones of flirting so please enjoy!

Taglist: @thedreadthread @queensynderella @trafalgar-temptress @kingtamakimurder thank you for all the love and support senpais 💖🥺💖

»»————-　♡　————-««

It’s been a few months since things ended with Bakugo. The sharp pain in your heart now down to a rush of anger whenever you were near him. The squad (formerly known as the bakusquad) was still there for you. Always being their friendly and cheerful selves while comforting or calming you down when it was needed. The grinning boy being the main reason you didn’t go ballistic on the blonde during class at the regular rude comments he yelled.

All the stages of grief went through normally but you were still stuck on anger. You pulled yourself together after getting played by the blonde toilet brush with a bad attitude. Including going to train more, eating healthier, and healing your heart with the help of your lovely friends. You could rely on Sero the most when it came to emotional stuff.

‘HOW DARE HE PLAY ME LIKE THAT? LIKE I WAS SOME STUPID PRIZE TO BE WON. I AM A PERSON GODDAMNIT. I AM A PERSON WORTHY OF LOVE AND CARE LIKE MOST GOOD PEOPLE. I HOPE HE ROTS!’ you angrily yelled in your head as you took out your frustration on a training dummy.

Letting out all of today’s anger out on the dummy with the last slice of your blade like thorn, you sliced it so hard at the neck that you decapitated it. ‘Oh shit, went a little too hard I guess.’ You thought with a shrug while breathing heavily from your workout.

“WOAH! THAT WAS SO MANLY (Y/N)! YOURE SO STRONG!” Kirishima exclaimed loudly from the other side of the room where he had his own training dummy. He was your workout buddy now, everyday you met him at a small gym down the street from the school to hone your skills and practice your hand to hand combat. You smiled at him brightly and gave him a loud “THANK YOU KIRI, BUT I CAN’T COMPARE TO THE MANLIEST MAN IN THE WORLD!” You shot back at him.

He blushed at the compliment, stopping his own workout to catch his breath. He shyly put a hand to his neck for a moment before walking over to where you were. His eyes widening at the damage you caused and sweat dropping.

He lowly whistled before he spoke. “Woah, that’s a lotta damage. You really tore into that thing like a wild animal. But that was super manly (y/n)!” Kiri commented excitedly as he did his signature red riot pose to emphasize on the manliness. The sweat on your skin started to become sticky and you wanted nothing more to take a shower.

“That’s the 3rd one this week, I’m broke from how many dummies I beheaded!” You moped dramatically. “Hey, at least you’re getting super strong!” Kirishima replied with a smile and a pat on your shoulder. You smiled at the statement. After training for another 30 mins, you and Kiri packed up your stuff and headed to the dorms.

The walk home with Kiri was always filled with laughs and smiles. He was such a nice boy that you couldn’t help the happiness that filled your heart. The two of you arrived at the door and keyed yourselves in. You both were walking through the common room when you heard Sero speak up.

“Hey gym rats, how was training?” He jested with his signature smile. You rolled your eyes at the nickname but smiled nonetheless. You each had your thing with the squad. Kiri had training, Sero had study sessions and movies, Mina had a few days of the week allotted for girl time and gossip, and Kami would just join in whatever he felt like. Some days it was study sessions, other days ‘girl time’ but very rarely training. (Damnit Denki, you could be the next ZEUS if you put enough work into it bby!)

“It was good, decapitated another dummy today, ya know the usual. I’m gonna take a shower and then we can study yeah? ” You spoke nonchalantly while walking towards your room. You took a glance at Sero who gave you a bright smile and a loud “Yeah”.

You set your stuff down and grabbed a change of comfy clothes to wear after your shower. Pulling out a random shirt and a pair of (f/c) sleep shorts. You folded them nicely before grabbing your shower basket and towel. On your way down the hall to the girls showers, you realized it was the shirt you accidentally stole from Sero. Your face heated up intensely as you tried to shake it away.

You developed a crush on the dark haired boy during those months of healing. The first few weeks, you tried to isolate yourself from everyone. Keyword: TRIED. Sero wouldn’t let you though. He always seemed to find you and he always seemed to soothe the ache in your heart.

The reassuring words spoke softly to you during lunch on the rooftop of the school and the comforting little touches he would give made the small spark of comfort turn into a small flame. That little flame he unknowingly added to until it became a full fire coursing in your veins. The thoughts about your crush continued even while you were showering.

‘He’s so kind, patient, and smart. Plus he just smells so GOOD! He’s cute and gentlemanly while still being fun and exciting. Heavenly beings only knows we have enough excitement in our group so I’m thankful he’s so chill and rational. He’s like the balance between everyone. I don’t see why he doesn’t see himself as special! He’s the most special out of all of us! He’s got a useful quirk (not that it matters) and a good heart! Plus he’s handsome! What more could you want in a guy?” The monologe continued in your head while you scrubbed away all of today’s dirt.

You soon finished, your body and hair now smelling like (f/s) and being squeaky clean. You stepped out of the cubicle (?) and wrapped your towel around yourself. Humming a random tune as you got dressed and brushed your hair, putting in all the usual products. Exiting the girls shower and making your way up to your room. You did your skin routine before swiping on your deodorant and spraying a bit of perfume after blow drying your hair.

Taking a good look in the mirror you have on your door, you gave yourself a smile and a approving nod before grabbing your bag and heading to Sero’s room. Nervousness was setting in as you neared his dorm.

‘You were wearing HIS shirt to your weekly study sessions! Did you want him to notice? Is it too late to go back and change? Oh god why didn’t you think about this earlier! Why did your stupid butt only remember this after you did everything?!?!?’ The little voice in your head scolded.

You knocked on the door three times, the nervousness weighing on you like a heavy blanket. Taking a deep breath, you tried to clear your mind of any nervousness and worry while putting on a small smile to keep up appearances. The door opened to a brightly smiling Sero, which made you internally scream.

‘Oh god that smile! I’m already nervous about wearing your shirt around you and then you have to greet me so happily I feel like I’m going to have a SEIZURE!’ The same voice in your head was screeching.

“Hey Sunflower! You ready to study?” He asked happily. You could only manage to give a nod while you felt your face heat up. ‘God why does his voice sound so good’ you whined internally.

He stepped aside to let you walk through the door and left your slippers next to his at the entrance. You made your way to his hammock and set your bag down beside it while you made yourself comfy in the oversized sling. He went and pulled out all his materials before making himself comfy next to you.

You studied like you would normally with him, taking notes and him asking you questions. Always answering them with a smile and explaining them thoroughly. He was surprisingly smart, but he just needed it explained differently than teachers and textbooks showed. That was another thing you loved about him.

The nervousness you felt was gone by the end of your study session, mostly thanks to his jokes, memes, and overdramatic whines of why math was needed to be a hero. He made you laugh so easily, the thought popped up that he might have a second quirk. Another thing you added to the list of why you had a crush on the dark haired boy.

“You did great today Sero, lets pack up and then we can watch whatever movie you want!” You happily said as you gave him a pat on the head, a habit you picked up from All Might. ‘His hair is so SOFT! I don’t regret doing it but I know I’m gonna think about playing with his hair all the time now’ you scolded yourself.

“Sure thing Sunflower! How does a bad horror movie sound? We can roast the hell out of those dumb teens......” his tone turned from his normal excited friendly to silence accompanied by a contented sigh leaving his lips. He felt like he was in heaven. Your smooth voice humming a sweet song he didn’t know just added to his fantasy. Your hands were so soft and felt so good, that his body melted as his dark eyes fluttered close.

Your hand was now playing with his hair, focused on feeling it now while you still could. You softly pet his hair, moving your hand down to play with the baby hairs on the nape of his neck. The short nails on your hand lightly scratching his scalp on instinct. You hummed a song, “Can’t help falling in love” cover by twenty one pilots. The song subconsciously chosen purely for the fact that you were so in painfully love with him.

You both sat there for a moment, wishing it wouldn’t end. Then your love dazed state was blown away and your actions hit you with like a BUS. You stopped humming and pulled your hand out of his hair as gently as you could while you were panicking. The embarrassment and guilt creeping in your body like a unsuspecting wave.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t ask and my hand just moved on it’s own, I-i...” you waved your arms around wildly, as if trying to make yourself fly away from this painfully awkward situation. The heat on your face climbed up to your ears in embarrassment. You were cut off with a chuckle from none other the man himself.

“It’s fine sunflower! It actually felt like- uhhh really nice.” His normal friendly grin returned also with the addition of a light pink blush on his cheeks as he shyly put a hand to the side of his neck while looking the other way. Your heart that was beating wildly calmed down at the friendly tone but picked back up when he said he liked it.

“O-oh! So it’s okay?” You questioned shyly. You received an equally shy look and nod from Sero in reply and sighed out a breath in relief.

“Go and pick out the movie while I clean up, and then we can watch while I play with your hair. If that’s okay with you?” Your shy tone never leaving as you took another shot at being closer to your crush.

“That’s sounds great! Bad horror movies still good with you?” He asked. You hummed in reply as you cleaned up both of your stuff. The excitement heating up your body as you neatly stacked his books and papers and set them on his desk.

Sero couldn’t tried picking out a movie if his life depended on it right now. His focus only on you as you gracefully moved around to clear the space you were both previously in. His mind drifted back to how you were so warm and inviting, like a freshly dried fluffy blanket on a cold day. How you cute you looked as you wildly flailed around when you apologize, not that you needed to. Plus the adorable blush on your face kissed the tips of your ears.

He shifted back his focus to movies and picked a random one while he put in the DVD player. When he turned back, he saw his floor clear and you laying down on his bed. The red on your face dimmed down to a soft pink that scratched at your cheeks. He made himself comfortable as you watched the start of the movie.

He decided to lay on his side with his hand supporting his head. His pining heart sang in joy because of the closeness and thumping in his ribcage like a overjoyed bird. He wanted to be closer, fuck he needed to be. Alone time with you was rare and he needed to take advantage of it. He summoned all the courage in his body and slung his free arm over your waist, pulling you closer.

You jumped at the sudden contact and then melted into his embrace. Platonic cuddling wasn’t new to you and the squad, always cuddling up with someone while the whole group watched a movie until all of you passed out on the common room couch. This felt different from all those other times. It’s because both of you were ALONE TOGETHER.

The movie playing on the small tv in his room was the farthest thing from your minds right now. The thumping of both your synched heart sand the pink blushes on your face were the only thing on them as you hoped the other couldn’t see it. You were just struggling to breathe normally.

Sero was feeling the same way, his brain tunnel visioned on you. There you were so painfully close to him. The smell of your perfume mixed with the floral scent of your shampoo drove him absolutely insane. He took his position behind you to his advantage, his eyes trailed your body slowly.

His dark eyes started at your plush thighs, they looked so soft and so warm that he had to hold in a groan. The sleep shorts you wore just accentuated your hips and backside, the tight shorts with yellow and white stripes on the side tempted him sinfully. He moved his gaze to where his arm was, slung over your tiny waist.

‘It fit so perfectly, it was almost like you were made for him.’ He thought with dazed sigh. His mind stopped dead in its tracks when he realized you were wearing his shirt. His heart kickboxed in his chest, his subconscious screaming at him to make a move now or get over it.

“Sunflower?” He tried. You gave a hum in reply, not trusting your own voice. He paused for a moment, trying to decide if he should ask you why you were wearing his shirt. He loved you wearing his clothes so he just decided to spit it out. To see if he wasn’t just imagining things in desperation for you.

“Is that my shirt?” He teased, pulling your back closer to his chest. His deep voice was right next to your ear as his breath tickled your neck. He knew what he was doing, the cheshire grin overtaking his handsome features as his eyes twinkled mischievously.

You’ve been caught red handed. The muscles in your body froze as a burning hot blush erupted from your cheeks. The organ in your chest nearly ripped itself out when he pulled you closer and it stuttered when he spoke.

“Y-yeah, it is. I just threw it o-on after taking a shower. I can give your clothes back after I do laundry.” You managed to speak out in your overwhelmed state. He was so close to you and the way his voice dropped had you nervous.

“Keep it sweetheart, it’s looks better on you than it ever did me. Plus you look so cute in it, how could I say no?” His friendly causal tone was back, but the impish grin on his face never left. ‘When did he get so smooth? And sweetheart? He called me cute!!!!’ Your brain scrambled trying to comprehend what just happened.

Something ignited within your spirit. A mischievous grin spread across your face as you thought of a battle plan. ‘Oh he wants to play like that does he??? Aight bet. Let’s see if he could take what he dishes out.’ You smirked at the thought.

You turned so you were facing him. Mustering all the innocence in your being, you pushed your chest against his and craned your neck up so your noses were brushing. Your eyes peeked up at him through your long lashes and a playful grin overtook your face.

“Sweetheart huh?” You teased as you ever so slowly got your plush lips closer to his. You felt his breath hitch before it stopped completely, the rapid beating of his heart thrumming against your chest. His dark eyes were locked on your soft lips and you decided to test his patience by biting your bottom one softly. The strong arm around your waist tensed and you felt his body freeze.

“If I’m so cute and your sweetheart then why haven’t you made a move yet, cellophane~?” You spoke softly before you actually reached his lips. You heard a strangled groan from the back of his throat and smiled playfully before you moved away and back to your original position. An evil smile on your face as you pretended that you didn’t even do anything.

A soft and frustrated “fuck it” came from him and suddenly and you were pinned down on the bed by your wrists. Sero was straddling your hips as he held your wrists down with a tight grip. You looked up at him and saw the bright red blush on his face as he breathed heavily. The shocked and doe eye look you gave him only seemed to make it brighter.

“f-fuck, I’ve liked you for the longest time sunflower so will you be willing to go out on a date with me sometime soon?” His tone and gaze was nervous despite his dominant position over you. He let go of your hands and moved so he was sitting in front of you with his leg folded.

He shrunk a bit under your surprised gaze, but despite his feelings his eyes stayed stayed on yours. You propped yourself up and sat in front of him in the same position. A wide grin and the shine in your eyes ever present as you looked back at him.

“Of course I would love to go out with you Hanta! I’ve liked you for a bit now but was nervous asking you out after that whole ‘situation’.” You grinned brightly, cheeks flush pink and eyes slightly crinkled from how happy you were. He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back as you just as brightly.

He tackled you into a hug, the joy in his heart keeping him from being polite with you. The sweet giggles that rang around the room just made his love for you shine brighter than ever. With his face buried in your neck and his arms snaked around your waist, he squeezed you like a teddy bear.

You audibly let out an “awwww’ at the boy. He just so sweet you couldn’t help it. Your hand found it’s way to his hair once again, running your fingers through it and lightly scratching his scalp while the other rubbed his back soothingly.

Both of you spent the rest of the night cuddling and making plans for your date. Laughs and the soft sound of whatever movie playing in the background just made everything feel so warm and comfortable. It felt like all the pieces had come together and placed you with Hanta Sero.

He was feeling just as warm and fuzzy with you. As he cuddled and snuggled you through the night, he couldn’t help the adoring smile plastered on his face.

Who knew he would not only tape the last pieces of your shattered heart together but made it feel full as well?

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iatheia · 4 years

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EDA reviews part 2 - books 10-18

Previous part here

10) Legacy of the Daleks - A very enjoyable read, even though it doesn’t mesh well with Big Finish continuity. I have a few headcanons on how to rectify that, though... The meeting between the Eight and Delgado’s Master left me grinning ear to ear, the way Eight was posturing, wholly aware of the way the Master ticks. I’m not sure I liked Susan quite as much, though - nor was she that fundamental to the story, spending most of the time off screen, but being somewhat unlikeable when she was there. Her final confrontation with the Master was a bit much... Similarly, it was hard to accept Master not recognizing her. That said, the rest of it was a fun romp, and Eight’s thoughts towards the end were particularly poignant, 9/10

11) Dreamstone Moon - Starting right off the bat with an author self insert, and have him being both the source of the conflict and the one to ultimately save the day, kind of - it’s a bold choice.... It’s been said before, but Doctor’s companions really should unionize huh? Eight’s in particular. It really is quite striking that the situation with Sam is pretty much the exact same one as it will be with Charlie - thinking that the Doctor is dead, abandoned, alone, without any network of support. And I’m finally about to have context for that post, so, cheers, I guess. That said, Sam and the Doctor are very much representative of the “quit telling everyone I’m dead - sometimes I can still hear his voice” meme. I’ve lost count how many times Sam decided that the Doctor’s dead within five minutes of seeing him very much alive. (Ok, no, I jest, but it’s a good book, throughly enjoyable from the beginning to end, 10/10)

12) Seeing I - I, uh, really struggle to follow Sam’s logic in the beginning here. I don’t really understand how she ended up in the place she did, after the last novel. Because, she wasn’t alone, she wasn’t abandoned, she was in a company of people, who, uh, cared about her might be putting it a bit too strongly, but who at least could vouch for her. So this disconnect is a bit odd. And, as good as this novel is, as good as the character work in here is, I have a slight disconnect with the rest of it, too. There is too big of a gulf with where the story begun and where it ended - there are too many things going on, too many plots introduced and then unceremoniously dropped. It’s like... Revolution of the Daleks inside of Kerblam, with Nightmare in Silver thrown in with half a dozen other themes from other episodes. When you have the doctor in the machine and the psychologist guy go from primary antagonists to the supporting cast we’re supposed to root for, there is something mildly dissatisfying about it, thematically speaking. Overall, the story in its entirety is less than a sum of its parts. Breaking it into pieces, though, there is a lot of exciting stuff there. 9/10

13) Placebo Effect - Controversial opinion time - I don’t care for Ark in Space. I think it’s a pretty forgettable episode. So any time I encounter any reference to the wirrrn, my reaction is “wait, who?”. And even though I like Leisure Hive well enough, I dare you to find anyone who has been clamoring for the return of Foamasi. This rather made me immediately apprehensive, straight from the preface. In general, there was too much continuity. Stacy & Ssard, really? How deep do you need to be to appreciate their appearance? They are so utterly unnecessary, too, they disappear less than a quarter of the way into the novel, they aren’t even there for set up, they are there for a set up of a set up. If you are actually a person who knew who they were, and wanted to see more of them, I can’t imagine this being all that satisfying. It’s a rather abrupt transition from the previous ark. I dare even say, aggressive, to the degree you have Sam going from “she is afraid to be even in the same room with him, lest she kills him with her soaked through panties” to “she is absolutely delighted when he imparts onto her his grandfatherly wisdom”. Then again, any time either Eight or Sam opened their mouth, I didn’t see Eight or Sam. I saw Four and Sarah Jane. It’s not well written, either. It’s very clunky. The dialogues in particular are obnoxious. Stacy’s and Sam’s conversation, and later on dogmatic discussion between Sam and the priests gave me full on psychic damage. I mostly skimmed beyond that, can’t say there was much to catch the eye. 2/10

14) Vanderdeken's Children - This book is aiming to be a masterpiece, but it’ll just have to settle for being good enough. It does have some interesting twists and turns in here, even though most of them are pretty predictable and expected from the set up. The last couple of chapters, the ending overall, are quite decent (even though all the ebook versions I was able to find cut off the last couple of pages, argh!), but the middle is very middling, with mostly uninspiring secondary characters that are ever so slowly being positioned on the chess board. 7/10

15) The Scarlet Empress - Where to begin... It’s a series of mostly unrelated short stories in a trench coat pretending to be a novel. It’s set up in a middle of a road trip, unrelated not just to each other, but also the measly bit of plot that was given to us? I found it’s quite difficult to engage with the story overall, or follow it, really. It tries to be more character driven than plot driven, which is an admirable aim, and some of the character stuff they have in here is nice, except... Outside of may be bits of chapter 1, I couldn’t really hear Doctor’s voice - any version of him, let alone Eight. Sam fares a bit better, but, at the end of the day... It doesn’t really feel like Doctor Who story. The pacing is completely off, as is the structure, and it was quite nonsensical and whimsical, more akin to Alice in Wonderland than Doctor Who. Not bad in and of itself, just, hard for me to appreciate as a part of this marathon. A note on Iris. I haven’t yet listened to her stand-alone adventures, but I generally enjoy whenever she shows up in Big Finish. Here, though, she was rather lacking Katy Manning’s charm and personality. And, I feel, if you didn’t have any existing fondness for the character before, this novel isn’t going to give you much to care about her. Except, *checks notes*, this was one of her first major outings? Not really a good start. Oh, and prior to this she was in a few short stories, by the same writer. Well, that checks out. 6/10

16) The Janus Conjunction - I really liked this one. Not much to say beyond it, but, very well written, very easy read, practically in a single breath. Excellent characterization for both Doctor and Sam, just a right degree of joyful, determined, adventurous, death defying, mad, delirious, and codependent, almost moreso than any other I’ve read so far. Rather dark, though, I can feel it resonating in the pit of my stomach, and it gets inside your head. 10/10

17) Beltempest - What did the Doctor do to deserve this character assassination??? It’s not without redeeming bits (looks like “I’m not a man” quote comes from here, big yay), but, in large part, is barely a pale shadow of a character I like. Especially in the beginning - he think that Sam might have died and he is ok with this??? After the Dreamstone Moon??? And he is incredibly obnoxious? And Sam was barely herself, even before being... uh, possessed? for plot related reasons. I can’t describe how much disconnect I have with the protagonists here, or with any characters in the rest of the book, for that matter, and how much the dialogue made me roll my eyes. And, ah, the technobabble. I generally try not to overthink the physics of most things in fiction, because, as a certified space scientist, otherwise I’d be here all day, but there comes a point where it crosses the line. After everything else, to read the words “newly born main sequence star” with my own two eyes is just too much. I’m a good person, I do not deserve this nonsense... The first half of the book left me rather put off. The second part left me feeling absolutely flat. No emotions, either positive or negative. And, uh, there was a post going around on tumblr along the lines of “the worst you can do to the character is having them mention a certain food, because the fandom will turn it into an obsession” - it’s rather the same here with Eight and books & classical music. I am rather starting to loose count of the number of times they are trying to emulate the scene with the ending of the movie, where he is lounging about and reading, or specifically mentioning Pucchini. To be fair, it’s not just this novel, but it definitely starting to take me out of it. 5/10

18) The Face-Eater - I’m generally a bit wary of cold opens in the books, because some tend to ramble a bit, with the characters I don’t already know and love, so it’s often is a chore to muster enthusiasm to care about them. This one, though, despite all that, starts very effectively, in a way that made me immediately sit up straight. Very snappish, in a style of noir novels. Too bad it doesn’t quite sustain that energy throughout it. The plot is... interesting, I guess. Characterization is decent, for the most part - although some moments, especially early on gave me a pause, it more than makes up for it in other places. 7/10

Overall impressions so far: Much better than the first set of 9, which often were too deeply rooted in nostalgia to try to offer anything unique. And, I guess, with more writers having a chance to read each others works, the characterization is a bit more consistent (not for every writer, mind, but, in general). How long does it take for them to write a novel of this length, I wonder? A book a month is a rather grueling pace for the series - how far in advance do they start? How many other books come out during that time?

Sam in particular incrementally found her footing (though, there is a bit of a lag from novel to novel). Instead of imagining literally any other companion, there were certain novels that really helped me to grasp her character. Though, hmm... being Doctor’s companion is not a safe job by any stretch of imagination, but this girl has really been through a wringer. I’m rather struggling to think of any other companion that has been put through so much (non-lethal) battering. There comes a point when one just wants to just to let her have some good time. And, uh, there was a horrible thought that occurred to me, and went to look up how she will depart the TARDIS in the end, and... well, I have a feeling that sometime afterwards I will not like what will happen.

Also, there is this trend of separating her and the Doctor, for a prolonged period of time, them having no idea where to find each other, without any contact, just, stumbling onto one another eventually. It’s a way for writers to have them cover more narrative ground, and you certainly don’t want them attached by the hip, but when they spend less than 20 pages a book in each other’s company, that’s, uh... not a trend I particularly care for.

Well, onto the next batch where we meet Fitz, and say good bye to Sam.

Next part here

#doctor who #eighth doctor #eighth doctor adventures #eda

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some-creep · 4 years

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CREEP RANKS EVERY SONG IN NIER... AUTOMATA (mostly) BY TITLE

Because, like, no one played Gestalt. Also this game has more songs.

Significance Like. I guess. It’s a title you can use. What is significant? We don’t know. The characters don’t know. They are struggling to find out. We all are. What is meaning? What really matters? I don’t know but we’re all crying. 8/10

City Ruins – Rays of Light / Shade Plays in the ruins of the city. Exactly as advertised. Sounds sad like you might imagine. 9/10

Peaceful Sleep This is the Resistance camp right? Peaceful things don’t tend to happen there honestly. At least not as we keep going. Sounds like a sleepy JRPG town though. Ok title for the mood it gives. I like this song a lot so I’m cheating and giving it more points than I know it deserves as just, like, a title. 8/10

Memories of Dust Sand is dusty. What memories? We’re making them. Cool title. Sounds like a YA novel though. 9/10

Birth of a Wish Genuinely often get confused with the Silent Hill 2 bonus story Born from a Wish whenever I try to remember what this song is called. This Cannot Continue / 10

The Color of Depression This is like… a really cool title. Thanks. That Scanner boy is not gonna live the happy family life you all for some reason keep suggesting he is. Bad things are gonna happen to him. He dies anyway. 11/10

Amusement Park Yeah. I guess. We certainly are in the amusement park level. Creep why does this one rank so much lower than City Ruins which was also just “name of location”. Amusement park is not a cool title. City Ruins is a cool title. 7/10

A Beautiful Song Would you say Simone has girlpower? Would you say Simone successfully used her girlpower to kill and consume countless androids and also turn them into near lifeless weapons and body jewelry? 9/10

Voice of No Return Sad title. Sad song. Exactly as advertised once again. I feel sad listening to the Automata OST most of the time. Is this quest complete in the camp? I think so. Anyway it’s really sad. I love to cry. 11/10

Grandma – Destruction Um so this is like. Genuinely a horrible title. It reminds me of the title of a darkweb video which I will say no more on. This song is REALLY good its a shame this title is so… uh. Bad. It’s just bad. 1/10

Faltering Prayer – Dawn Breeze / Starry Sky This is another really cool title. This game is about like… life after god. I’m not here to get thematic. I say in a list entirely about if the song fits the theme. Anyway this is a cool title. The song again… sounds sad. One of them is a music box which I love. Cheating again. 10/10

Emil’s Shop EVERY DAY’S A SALE. EVERY SALE’S A WIN. 12/10!!

Treasured Times The fact this plays after Emil’s shop on the OST is the biggest tonal whiplash in the world. This song makes me feel an emotion I cannot describe. It’s something like sadness but not quite. This isn’t a review of the songs, just the title. But reading the title makes me feel that emotion too but stronger when I think about it. I don’t know. 9/10

Vague Hope – Cold Rain / Spring Rain Good title… Thematically very appropriate. Not COOL like some of the others but it feels right feels canon. I like it. It’s just the city ruins quest complete song but it also plays in one of the fucking… DLC fights. That makes me extra sad. 10/10

End of the Unknown Which unknown was ended. Genuinely think when this plays I had more unknowns than knowns. This song sounds like every song from the Gestalt DLC. 6/10.

Pascal At least Automata has far fewer “named after a character” songs. They just have named after a place songs. I love Pascal so if I give this a low score he might be upset. 8/10

Forest Kingdom It really… the forest huh. Random but one of the songs in Code Vein does a vocal thing that always reminds me of this song for some reason. That has nothing to do with this game or this songs title at all I just wanted to tell you. Long Live The Forest King / 10

Dark Colossus – Kaiju This song is also in Gestalt. It’s cooler here. More stakes. Song title suggests less stakes though? That’s kinda weird. Because of this it loses points. I’m sorry. 7/10

Copied City Dude I left this one off the list when I first typed it out lol. Someone not to @ anyone told me this was based on Nier’s village. Lie to me again. I don’t know what City is being Copied. One of them. It reminds me more of the Cathedral City from DoD3. Which is a bad horrible game that I completed 100%. 8/10

Wretched Weaponry Not to be confused with Wretched Automatons. Is this like, a remix? My ears don’t work so I don’t know. Don’t inform me because I love being stupid. Anyway, in the narrative it makes sense. It’s a good, cool title. Song is softer than the title would suggest. 9/10

Possessed by Disease COOL SONG TITLE. Thank you. This plays… somewhere. Uh. Hm. I’ve 100% completed this game like three times. 9/10

Broken Heart You think you’re gonna hear a sad song? SURPRISE. Sinister as hellllll. Subverted expectations baby. MCU take notes. I’ve never seen a movie in the MCU. Loving the dark tones in this. Broken heart but the emotion isn’t just sad. GOOD STUFF. 10/10

Mourning Again. You think it’s gonna be sad? But BOOM. It isn’t. I mean it still is, but in a dark way. These aren’t song reviews. These are title reviews. But if a title suggests one thing and delivers another that’s still a valid point right? I don’t know. Hey wait isn’t this just Shadowlord’s Castle? Yonah / 10

Dependent Weakling Well, it’s no Song of the Ancients – Fate, but it’ll do. In all seriousness, this is like, a great song title for Eve’s boss battle. Y’know, because he relied so heavily on Adam and all’a that. Maybe a little on the nose. Maybe a little rude. Eve sucks / 10

Rebirth & Hope Sounds hopeful. Plays during ending A where we see a Rebirth cos 9S super doesn’t die. This song is literally 30 seconds long why am I even bothering. Oh, right, because it’s on the OST at all. 30 second songs / 10

War & War Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here, this is the war room. It… sounds like a war room song. A preparing for a big battle song. Once again, exactly as advertised. Plays before a big battle. It really thematic naming! Peace was never an option. 8/10

Crumbling Lies Words cannot express how much I adore this song. First of all, title is on point. It’s the song that plays when you get to Route C. Literally the moment I fell in love with the game. The Bunker is destroyed, which, again… maybe it’s a bit on the nose. I don’t care. This is the perfect song title to the perfect song. I will die on this hill. 12/10

Widespread Illness Red Eye except it’s robots now. Very thematically appropriate. Everyone is dying. There’s nothing you can do to cure it except kill them. They’re incredibly infectious. Zombie Virus but with Robots. Can you tell I don’t remember what it’s called? I’m writing this at 1am and I’ve decided it’s funnier if I don’t look anything up. Sounds very somber… I like it. 9/10

Fortress of Lies Not to be dramatic but when I read this English title I was like MMMMMMMNNN because like. I get it. It plays in the Bunker. Which… is built on lies. Again. Incredibly on the nose but when I learned what the song was called I just fucking DIED the first time. I’m stupid. I don’t care. 11/10

Song of the Ancients – Atonement Another song I died when I learned the title of. Devola and Popola in that game have nothing to atone for. They are atoning for sing they did not commit. Punished for the crimes of another set of Androids, possibly thousands of miles away. It’s not fair. They have nothing to atone for. They’ve done nothing wrong. 12/10 crying creeps.

Blissful Death FUCK. This one plays in the Devola and Popola like. Text Adventure part. Which is just. I love it so much. No one dies in that though. Well… maybe someone does. It’s not impossible that Popola hurt someone. It’s suggested that, maaaaybe she did. No one stops. No one Stops.

Emil – Despair Emil’s life has quite literally only been despair. Please don’t bully him with your song titles like this… 9/10

Alien Manifestation Vintage meme of that guy from the history channel with the impact font that just says Aliens. This game has aliens, I will give you that. They’re all dead though. I guess the machines are aliens but. Eh. Wait doesn’t this play in the castle? There aren’t even aliens there what the fuck. 5/10

The Tower There’s a tower. This plays there. Thank you. Also the name of a tarot card I think? That could be cool if I knew a single goddamn thing about tarot cards. I don’t. 6/10

Bipolar Nightmare Cool flying section. Has anyone found Grun skip yet? Because the bounty for that was like. A lot of money. Vaguely a cool song title. I kinda like it. Although for some reason it reminds me of The Evil Within’s Japanese title, Psychobreak. So I think I like it less because of that. Not the worst title, but maybe the lowest of the COOL EDGY song titles. Fucking love the piano part in this one though. 7/10

The Sound of the End Really super cool and sexy song title. 2B is going to die but she can’t let anyone else get hurt because of it. She’s already done so much damage. This song is really dramatic sounding. The title is dramatic. Love this one a lot. The actual playable segment is kind of a struggle. But I think that’s the point… 10/10

Weight of the World / End of YoRHa I once got into an internet fight because I said this song is about every character except 9S because of the line “I’m only one girl”. I was corrected that the Japanese version is basically EXCLUSIVELY about 9S. None of this is relevant at all I just wanted to remember it. I still do not like 9S. Thematically a brilliant title. Everyone feels like they must do so much… but you cannot bear the weight of the world alone. Ending E legitimately makes me cry. Whenever I think about the messages from other players supporting me? It’s a lot. What the fuck. 12/10

#nier #nier automata #long post #creep ranks

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 5 years

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Girl you need, pt.2

Summary: Friends to lovers didn’t really work out for Y/N and Grayson after Grayson made the big mistake of not telling her he is already involved with someone else.

Warnings: angst

Word count: ~ 2.8k

Part one

Months have passed and I remained in my own bubble. Routine. That's the way I survived. School, work, home. It was a sure way to avoid any reminders of the man who broke my heart worse than anyone before him. I gave him that power – the power to annihilate me, reduce me to a sobbing mess at two after midnight upon dreaming of him.

It hurt. So. Damn. Much.

I don't know if you've ever had someone in your life that you put on a pedestal. In your heart and in your mind that person could do no wrong. They represented all you were searching for, and not just in this life, but every life you've lived before - if you believe in reincarnation. Hell, I was so sure that he was made for me and that this was our origin story. I truly thought whatever his soul is made of matched the material used on mine. I believed the universe stitched out this spider web where we wandered, balanced on the strings until they led us to one another.

I was such a romantic fool. I wished I could go back in time and slap myself. Shake myself up until I saw the truth I was so blind to.

Until I got that call.

„Y/N, it's Lisa. I know it's been a long time, but I could really use your help with the boys. Grayson is really out of it and Cameron is trying to help, but it's not going as planned.“ I frown, feeling my heart drop once I heard his name, the very name I refused to even think about let alone utter out loud. What made me frown deeper is the fact Lisa called for my help and she never calls just for kicks.

„What happened?“ I try to remain calm, wondering if perhaps something terrible occurred and my chance to see the asshole who broke my heart, and then proceeded to set the pieces on fire, was gone.

„They both had surgery and they're loopy and bleeding and I can't get them in the car. I'll send you the address.“ And the line went silent, the message coming through almost immediately after with the address of a private clinic ten minutes away from my house...Three minutes with a good Uber driver.

Shaking, my stomach in knots, I swallow a growing lump in my throat and start grabbing my things.

„Hey, I'm gonna be out for the day.“ I warn my roommate as she hands me my bag, silently admiring the ring she claims to have received from an admirer. It was enchantingly beautiful.

While I waited for the driver to get me to the locations, I felt myself slipping into a confused state of anger and sadness. Never a good combination, is it?

And maybe I try to tell myself I've moved on and forgotten all about it, but the truth is that I am so far from being okay. I bury myself in obligations, so many things to stop myself from thinking too much only to fall asleep quickly and sleep without any dreams because I'm too tired to dream. But, even though I try to keep myself from having quiet moments in life not to think about it, it's still something that creeps up on me, even in the middle of my busy days. I stumble upon a meme I know he'd laugh at, or eat something he'd rave about for days, or hear a song I know he'd be posting to Snapchat with an appropriate sunset view. He's still there in the back of my mind, crawling his way through my sanity and forcing me to remember the hurt he caused.

However, the moment I come to the clinic, I find the reason behind Lisa's call. While Grayson is spinning in circles and Cameron is trying to grab him, Ethan is lying on the concrete, curled up like a ball while his mother is talking to him.

Walking toward them a bit faster, I hear Grayson making 'chu chu' noises and Ethan is just rambling incoherently.

„Woah. What the hell?!“ I exclaim, stopping Grayson in his spot. But, he stumbles toward me, grabbing onto my shoulders a little too roughly before steadying himself and chuckling...it sounded more like choking.

„You're so pretty and fluffy like a cloud.“ He chuckles again, his eyelids dropping before he widens his eyes purposefully and puts on a straight face.

„Woah, bro. It got really dark for a moment. Like it was night, but it's day again!“ His fingertips dig into my shoulders and I press my lips together, watching Cam film the whole thing, trying to stop herself from laughing.

„Oookay, buddy. You're definitely out of it.“ I put a hand around his waist, making him drop one of his hands as we embrace in a side hug. Leading him toward the car, I try to ignore his awed stare to the best of my ability. It's unnerving, heavier than his body leaning on me and just as disarming.

„You're gonna sit here and wait for me, okay?“ I help him sit inside, watching him nod and do as I asked, his head tilting so his eyes follow my every move.

Wanting to help with Ethan, I turn on my heel, only to find him rushing toward me with a lopsided smile and his arms open wide, Lisa running after him in exasperation.

A bear hug, bone crushing, soul searching, warm kind of a hug is what hit me next, his weight almost entirely crushing me.

„I missed you so much.“ He mumbles as Lisa pushes him off and to the other side, letting me sit between the guys before helping Ethan in. It's hard to miss Cam's questioning eyebrow raise for Ethan seemed more himself than Gray did and his outburst of affection was suspicious.

„Oh, you're here?“ Grayson suddenly speaks up, his eyes half open and his tongue sticking out. It’s clear he doesn’t remember me helping him inside, nor anything before.

„It wasn't your fault. It's mine. God...I really fucked everything up this time, didn't I?“ Both Lisa and Cam whipped around to look at me, definitely a thousand questions running through their minds as I blushed deeply, sweating profusely.

However, it was like a switch for Grayson. He seemed to have forgotten what he said, taking out his phone to record a snap, starting it with: „What's up motherfuckers?!“ while Ethan tries to calm him down: „Relax, bro.“

Grayson's eyes flicker from Ethan to me, looking back at the camera. „I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry.“ Continuing mumbling about being Gucci or something...It's like his dyslexia has caught up with his mouth too.

„Alright. Get them home and into bed. Easy, right?“ Cam sighed, giving me a look that meant we'll talk later and in detail. It seems as if neither of them knew about what happened between Grayson and I.

Just as the thought passed through my mind, he leaned his head on my shoulder and took my hand in his, examining each knuckle carefully. I want to push him off, ignore his advances. They aren't genuine anyways. Not while he's hopped up on painkillers.

„You're not wearing my ring?“ He whines in my ear, making me furrow my eyebrows and turn my head to the side to face his wrinkled forehead and murky brown eyes filling with tears.

„What ring?“ I groan, already sick of his behavior and the constant need to touch me. Space and lots of it. That's what I need and he doesn't seem to budge an inch.

„He gave a butterfly ring to you as a sorry.“ Ethan whispers, as if he's trying to help me which only confuses me. It must be a part of their loopiness. Shrugging, I tap my shoulder for him to lean on. And he does. Instantly. But so did Ethan.

Both fell asleep rather quickly, allowing us to get them home safely.

Putting an arm around me, Grayson leaned on me almost entirely as I managed to get him inside his bedroom and on the bed. Tucking him in, I barely get a chance to stand before his fingers curl around my wrist and he tugs me back toward him.

„It really hurts, Tinkerbell.“ The pain laced in his voice, the sheer confusion and the cracks...it forced me to sit back down. The emotional pain I've carried around for so long finally caught up with me as I watched him flutter his eyes, his long eyelashes just as entrancing as they used to be.

Sighing, I lean in and gently, almost feather like, peck his swollen nose - right above his gauze. He flinches, seemingly frightened of the pain to come, but then his eyes snap open and his lips curl into a small smile.

„I kissed it better.“ I smile back, unable to withhold that small courtesy. He won't remember anything anyway.

„But that's not where it hurts the most.“ He says quietly, shyly, his right hand lifting to his chest as he taps it lightly, the G on his hand making me wonder if the doctors seriously labeled him to tell which twin is which. But then I realize I'm just trying to distract myself from what's really the problem...does he say his heart hurts?

„Why, Gray?“ Am I going to hell for extracting some half truths from a guy high on painkillers? Probably.

„Cause I loved you. And I los-lost you.“ He stumbles over his words, clearly exhausted and slipping up.

„What about your girlfriend?“ I keep on asking, feeling my heart hammer inside my chest longingly. Even after everything, I still want him. There is a serious flaw in my code.

„Left her the same day.“ His hand tightens around mine ever so slightly as his voice wavers and I feel heat rush to my face.

„You never responded to any of my letters. You don't even wear my ring.“ He said sadly, his eyes flooding with tears once more as I realize there is something more to the story. He wouldn't be able to come up with these things in this state...let alone repeat them if they were a lie.

„Do you still...“ I pause, knowing this is bad and that I probably need professional help...this is like self harming – going to the same person who put a dagger in your heart expecting them to heal you...it's not how the world works. It always makes it worse, giving them a chance to twist the dagger and damage you further.

„I do still love you.“ A lump forms in my throat, my eyes falling to his hand on mine, watching his fingers rubbing up and down on my skin.

Leaning in once more, I press a kiss to his cheek this time around, resting my forehead on his for just a moment with my eyes closed and my heart undeniably open. Open as the stitches I hand-placed ripped open and let him in. God, I hate him for doing that again.

„All better.“ He whispers and I open my eyes, smiling softly at him before moving away and he lets me go as his eyes close shut.

Closing his door behind me, I run into Lisa who seemed to be waiting for me.

„So, what happened?“ She asked, Cameron walking down the hall from Ethan's room with her best 'better talk now' look.

„It paints your son in a bad way and I don't want to ruin the image you have of him. Deep down, he's a good guy who just did a really shitty thing.“ I shrug, trying to walk past them, but Cameron instantly blocks my path.

„Grayson lied about dating someone, while loving Y/N, so he slept with Y/N and then thought he got her out his system and Y/N found him the day after in here when he was going to fuck his girlfriend, when he then told her some bad stuff and then she left. And Grayson broke up with the bimbo and called Y/N all the time, wrote heartfelt letters cause she likes that shit and even bought her a gold butterfly ring in Barcelona and she never responded.“ Ethan's nasal, loopy explanation left us all with mouths agape and shocked, forcing Cameron to take him back again while Lisa looked at me with sympathy.

„He really did fuck up.“ Lisa said, making my eyes widen, nearly falling out of my head. I've never heard her cuss before and I'm not sure if I should laugh considering her exasperation with her boy's behavior, or cower in fright because if looks could kill, Grayson would be in big trouble.

„I just...don't understand. Both of them are loopy, but their story is the same. They both claim he tried to earn my forgiveness and make everything right...something doesn't add up.“ I frown, placing my hands on my hips as I cast my eyes to the floor in thought.

And then I remember.

„Shit!“ I exclaim, turning to Cameron who just returned.

„I'll be back soon, I think my roommate did this. She always had a thing for Grayson and she's been wearing this golden butterfly wing that matches what both of them said.“

Running out, I go straight home. I did borrow Grayson's Porsche...serves him right. But, an hour of fighting and a 'if you don't give the ring back, you will lose a finger too' threat, I had all the letters on my bed and the ring on top. Each letter was comprised of my favorite movie quotes and a photo of us, his heartfelt apology and explanation why he chose just that photo with it. I didn't have time to comb through them all, wanting to be there when he wakes up.

I sat on his bed, waiting for him to wake up, just listening to him breathe as I read his letters slowly, carefully and with tears clouding my vision. He really did love me. He really was sorry.

But does he still feel the same?

„Pretty angel dream. I like it.“ Grayson's mumbling made me smile, making me wipe away the tears and face him.

„Hey, stranger. How are you?“ Laying down beside him, I rest my left hand, palm open on his chest and my head on his shoulder.

„Better with you here.“ His hand clasps mine, stopping short once he feels something unfamiliar. I see him looking down, his eyes softening as his face relaxed.

„You're wearing my ring.“ The endearing tone isn't lost on me, warming my heart as I snuggle into his neck and press a feather light kiss on his warm skin.

„I'm never taking it off.“

„Does this mean you forgive me?“ He questions, firmly clasping my hand now as if he's afraid of the answer he might receive.

„Only if you say you love me instead of writing it.“ I tease, feeling him tense up.

„I do. I do love you, but I might not remember this tomorrow and I want to tell you that sober.“ He rushed his words, undeniably making my anger dissolve entirely and my heart fall right back into his hands.

„But you just said it, and you said it earlier as well, so...just keep repeating it.“ I say quietly, ignoring my heartbeat going haywire at the prospect of us being more than just friends.

„I will. After all, you're both the girl I need and the girl I want.“

Tags: @xalayx @fallinginlove-16 @accalialionheart @heyits-claire @daddygraysonsbitch @dolandolll @dolanstwintuesday

#grayson dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan fic #ethan dolan

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hancfubuki · 4 years

Text

nonverbal memes

@stylesofh2o said: [ cry ] w/ Chanwoo bc I crave SAD COMFORT.

days were usually busy at the restaurant, customers walked in and out every minute and neither of the brothers had time to count nor attempt to MEMORIZE their faces. yuuto specifically, just served without caring about minimal details such as faces or voices as he was simply doing his job. sei on the other side had this friendly vibe that made each customer to feel at ease, as if they were at home. probably everyone that knew yuuto and sei knew they both worked as a restaurant, sometimes friends visited but yuuto had more DISCRETION when it came about his work, mostly because well, his brother was 99% of the time there so he had a list of people that would NEVER be invited.

of course on top of that list was chanwoo. which could be considered unfair because of the fact yuuto spent his free time at his work, but he did have a VALID reason ( or at least he considered it that way ). despite the AMBIGUITY of their relationship, yuuto was pretty sure that he developed feelings towards the older. not that he hid it either, in fact he tried to make it clear with every action and word and mostly his insecurities prevent him from having a HEALTHY relationship. sure, he didn’t mind chanwoo meeting his mother, who could be found all the time there, he didn’t mind him bumping into his father either. in fact, he thought they could get along. but sei? seiji was the MAIN problem here and the entire reason why he didn’t want chanwoo to get close to his family restaurant.

and as well, this wasn’t exactly an issue on his brother side but he was so HURT in the past that he is simply just SCARED that another one of his partners prefer sei over him. sei did remember what happened back then, but he tried to make it clear that he would never do anything like that to his own brother so he basically just kept up with his own life without taking into consideration how FATAL this was for the younger of them. and well, yuuto did talk about a mysterious chanwoo, but never described him nor showed a photo so how was he supposed to know that the customer right in front of him was that person? the thought didn’t even cross his mind as he was taking the order though, he did feel a murderous gaze coming into his direction.

“why are you talking to him?” yuuto mumbled coming from behind, his expression was DIFFERENT from what was usual on him as the anger was boiling through his veins. he didn’t even say a word to chanwoo as he was too focused in ‘confronting’ his brother. yet yuuto was not the jealous type, but when something revolved about the older okinaga he snapped in seconds as if he was a time-bomb. “seiji, i’m talking to you. we are not doing this again. you enjoy this, don’t you? i bet you are even doing it on purpose.”

“yuuto, you are scaring the customers. i don’t know what you are talking about.” sei responded, looking at chanwoo with an apologetic face still without knowing what was going.

“oh, right! i forget how dumb you actually are. is your memory failing know? do i need to refresh what happened years ago? and now you come here and do the same with chanwoo?!”

“chan...?” sei blinked twice in confusion, looking back at the customer then again at yuuto. oh. “i didn’t even know it was... yuuto listen to me. i don’t know what you mean, i was just taking his order.”

“just shut the fuck up.”

“yuuto, please. you are really scaring our custo--” though sei couldn’t finish his sentence as the next thing he saw was yuuto ready to strangle him. but in a blink of the eye, chanwoo was already up and ready to stop the red-head. "i’m sorry we met in these circumstances, but please take him to the back room.” more than ashamed, sei was worried about his brother’s behavior. yet again, yuuto wasn’t this type of person and the fact that he is causing these feelings on him was simply heartbroken for the two of them. sei sighed and stayed in the main room as yuuto was finally taken away to calm down.

at first, he didn’t want to LISTEN any word, not even if it was chanwoo. he was angry, hurt, desperate. a river of emotions flowing inside his heart, causing his brain to be foggy and not allowing him to think straight. it was too much for him too handle and only until that moment, he realized how broken he actually was. how much he hated himself, how his self-esteem was touching the floor, how he compared to sei for absolutely no reason. sei never meant harm, right? chanwoo wasn’t supposed to be here in first place, but who was he to even deny him to come to public space. chanwoo was another customer, and his brother was doing his job. and he felt stupid, felt broken, felt even more desperate than before. because it took him a while to realize how the old scars were still open, because when he thought he got over the situation with tomoe was a simple fantasy that he created to blind himself from the truth. that after that day, he became broken and it would take him a while to pick up all the pieces.

and without even thinking, he finally allowed himself to fall into chanwoo’s arms, weeping, taking out everything as he never did it before. “i’m sorry.” he mumbled in between his cries, his face hiding onto chanwoo’s chest as he gripped the hem of his shirt. taking a deep breath, he realized that it would be better to explain what was going on. “i’m not like this... i just get extremely insecure when my brother is around. he is better than me at everything, he is popular, he is more handsome-- people just fawn around him always. all my life i have been just his little brother and that’s all. years ago i was dating someone that seemed to genuinely care for me and just for me. so i introduced him to my family, he spent a lot of time at my house but he always insisted sei to join us. i found it weird, but i thought if we were watching a movie there shouldn’t be anything wrong with him joining. that was probably the worst mistake in my life, because...” he let out a long sigh, tears still running down his cheek as his gaze torn apart. “he just used me to get closer to sei. and that had cause me permanent damage. i thought i was over it-- i try to convince myself i was over it but i didn’t even want you to come here because i was afraid you two could met. after that happened, i spent years not allowing guys i’m interested in to come any closer to sei, and that’s not normal. how did i not realize it sooner that it was not normal...”

“i’m sorry, chanwoo. i’m really sorry. i didn’t mean to cause a scene and it’s not that i don’t trust you. i do, but... my insecurities sometimes take over me. i’m so embarrassed right now, we are not even dating yet i’m here getting jealous because my own brother is taking your other. i... would understand if you don’t want me close after this, but believe me... i really, really like you.”

#stylesofh2o #( stylesofh2o; oh chanwoo. )#⌜ *¨*•.¸ okinaga yuuto┊ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ⌟#⌜ *¨*•.¸ ebb and flow┊ᴏᴋɪɴᴀɢᴀ ʏᴜᴜᴛᴏ / ᴍᴀɪɴ ᴠᴇʀꜱᴇ⌟#( answered. )#OH BOI IM SORRY THIS IS LONG

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monstrosity-of-mankind · 5 years

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I am a victim of sexual abuse.

I have had sex with somebody because when I told them I wasn't in the mood they said "do you not love me anymore, am i not attractive to you?" And I felt like I had to, to prove I did still love them.

I was literally told by family when I was 16, "Kelli, you guys are married now, you HAVE to have sex with him."

I have pushed my sexual boundaries and forced myself in uncomfortable and mentally damaging situations to please my spouse sexually. And I wasn't okay with it, but I thought I had to do it to make them happy, so they would love me as much as I loved them.

I have said no, and it wasn't accepted as an answer.

I have been told "I just want to fondle you" but that's not all that was done.

I have said "I have a yeast infection," and got the response of "I don't mind, I still find you sexy." And so then my excuse wasn't a valid enough reason not to have sex.

When I've said no to sex I have been told, "we can just love on each other" and then it turned into sex, when I very clearly wasn't okay with it. But I felt like I wasn't allowed to say no.

People have gotten me inebriated with the full intentions of having sex with me while I was vulnerable, because they knew that I wouldn't say no.

I have literally been that woman who's said the words, "Even though it physically hurts me because of all of my medical problems at the moment, I have sex with him because he needs it and I know its been hurting our relationship that I haven't been having sex with him as much as we used to."

And so much more!

And as a result, I now find the mere thought of sex nauseating, disgusting, and horrifying. I have sexual dysfunction, body dysmorphia most of the time, I hate physical affection, I hate being called sexy, I hate being sexualized in any manner. I literally get unreasonably irritated when I see memes about sex. I have panic attacks when triggered.

I tell everybody that my issues with sex stem from my endometriosis, but only part of that is true. It started before I was diagnosed with endo. Because of the emotional and sexual manipulation that I have experienced my whole dating life so far.

I would rationalize with myself for a long time,

"oh, it has to be caused by my gynecological health."

"Oh, its my hormones"

"It's just going to take some time for me to get comfortable with this"

"I have to do this to prove I love them"

"Saying no would hurt them"

"I'm consenting because I'm not saying the word no, its okay"

"Obviously they can't tell that I'm not comfortable"

I was seeing one person. She was amazing. She was kissing me, and I just wasn't into it that day. I didn't say no, but I kept lightly pulling away. And she looked at me and said "if you aren't comfortable with kissing right now, you don't have to." And it took everything in me not to break down in front of her that day. Because that first time, hearing it out loud, knowing that my signs of discomfort were noticeable, it snapped something in me. It brought me to reality. To all of the pain, the manipulation, everything that I had been trying to reason with to make myself not so hurt and damaged. Everything that's been happening for 10 years, with so many different people, from the beginning of my sexual life. I saw it all. I saw the truth.

She doesn't know, I never told her. But she saved me from allowing myself to continue to go through it all. That one time somebody acknowledged my feelings instead of taking advantage of the fact that I didn't have my own voice. I will forever hold her in my heart.

So I'm making this post because I know there are so many women who struggle with the same situations, the same manipulation, the same sexual abuse, and they just need somebody to help them acknowledge it. To help them open their eyes to the reality.

You are not alone 💜

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years

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Psycho Analysis: Thanos

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

The Infinity Saga was all building up to one thing, hinted at in The Avengers: Thanos. For years fans watched and waited, waiting for the inevitable payoff. But time went on, and Thanos did so little, and the fans got impatient and frustrated. This guy, he was being built up as the ultimate threat in the MCU, and he can’t even get off his ass and do more than cameo in Guardians of the Galaxy? Fans were obviously a bit nervous going into Infinity War, and it’s hard to blame them all things considered; Thanos had done a grand total of nothing across the entire past three phases, he had none of the Infinity Stones, and he sure hadn’t fulfilled his promise to do it himself he made in the stinger of Age of Ultron. What good could this guy possibly be?

Oh boy, you have no idea how good.

Thanos made his grand entrance as a major character by killing Loki and beating the crap out of the Hulk, and then spent the entirety of Infinity War showing us all that maybe it’s better he was dragging his feet for so long, because everyone would have been long dead if he didn’t. What’s more intriguing is how Thanos was such a well-developed and complex villain; perhaps they were just waiting for the right moment, the perfect time when creative freedom and good villain writing could come together to deliver the Thanos that the audience and MCU deserved.

Actor: Josh Brolin, a man you may know from The Goonies or as Deadpool’s best buddy Cable,portrays Thanos, and… honestly? I think this is the first performance I’ve seen in a superhero film in a long time that I genuinely think deserved an Oscar. Brolin just commands the screen and your attention with his voice, and he really sells that the big purple MoCap creation onscreen is a real, physical guy.

Motivation/Goals: Thanos has a very simple motivation: he wishes to wipe out half of all life in the universe, to make things perfectly balanced. It’s a relatively simple evil plan, but one that is grand in scale, as well as one Thanos does not himself see as evil; rather, he sees it as an act of supreme mercy, saving the universe from itself and restoring a level of order to the chaos that is life. It really cements him as a well-intentioned extremist anti-villain: the plan is, from a certain point of view, noble, it has somewhat good intentions behind it…. But at the same time it is flawed, insane, disturbing, and will do far more harm than good in the long run.

Thankfully, the movies don’t pretend that Thanos’ plan is a good, brilliant thing, and instead use his wholeheartyed belief that it is the right thing to do, that this is his burden to carry, to highlight what a broken, depressing man Thanos truly is. So bitter by his failure to save his people, his desire to vndicate his failure in his own eyes drives him to do the nost unthinkable act of genocide in a desperate attempt to prove he was right to a race that is otherwise long dead. It’s tragic, it’s insane, and it’s just a great motivation.

I think it’s worth addressing the two biggest groups of critics of the MCU’s version of Thanos: Those who think his goal is stupid, and those who are mad that he is not more in line with his comic book counterpart. The first group is arguably the more annoying one, because they seem to be unaware of what exactly entails an anti-villain, or even a villain in general. The thing with a villain is that, no matter how cool or sympathetic or interesting they are, you are not supposed to agree with them. You are not supposed to think a villain’s plan is good or intelligent, you are not supposed to say “gee they have a point here,” you are supposed to enjoy them for what they are but you’re not supposed to be on their side. That aside, the fact hs plan is crazy and stupid is arguably the point; he is a man stricken by grief he has internalized for so long he is incapable of seeing the horrendous flaws in his plans. He is the MAD Titan after all. In all honesty, his complete and utter inability to see the faults in his plan only makes him all the more tragic.

The other group… well, to put it nicely, I really don’t feel like the comic version of Thanos’ motivations would translate well to film. To put it more bluntly, I kind of find comic Thanos to have an insanely stupid motivation. He wants to kill half of all life so he can impress a girl (that girl being Death). And people call MCU Thanos’ motivation stupid? In the comics he’s basically just a superpowered dudebro who kills everyone because he gets friendzoned. He’s basically a galactic version of a school shooter, and it’s fine if you think that’s cool, but I frankly find that something that can only work in the very specific circumstances comics can provide, and even then I think there are more intriguing villains with the same motivations… like, you know, Darkseid, the villain comic Thanos rips off.

I will concede the latter at least have more of a leg to stand on, because having a preference in how a character is portrayed is a lot different than not understanding what good writing for a villain is, but lucky for them, the filmmakers decided to have their cake and eat it too and give us a Thanos in Endgame lacking the character development and complexity displayed by Infinity War Thanos, a Thanos so utterly furious that the Avengers are close to thwarting his plan that he childishly lashes out, blames the universe for not appreciating all he did, and deciding he was just going to restart the universe from the ground up in his own image, perfectly balanced. It is kind of nice to see a Thanos a bt more in line with the genocidal tyrant of the comics, but while this one has the more accurate motivation, he does end up coming dangerously close to generic doomsday villain territory.

Personality: The interesting thing with Thanos is how there are technically two of them: the Infinity War Thanos, and the Endgame Thanos who comes from an alternate timeline. Despite the two Thanos having the same basic goal, it is their personalities that truly differ.

Infinity War Thanos is a deep, rich, and complex character. He does so much that you don’t really see supervillains do: he cries, he feels shock, he displays a range of emotions that is frankly unprecedented in a supervillain. The Russos weren’t kidding when they said Thanos was the protagonist of Infinity War more than anything; he has an arc and gets more development than any single hero in the film does. There are so many great moments to point to – his adopting of Gamora in flashback, his backstory he gives to Strange, and of course crying after sacrificing Gamora – that showcase an amazing level of depth, but there are just as many moments that showcase that even despite that he is an insane, ruthless villain who is deluded into thinking his insane plan is what’s right. He is perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

Endgame Thanos is un fortunately due to his nature a little more flat as a character, and for the most part runs on the goodwill that his future self built up. As mentioned previously, he comes dangerously close to being a generic doomsday villain, but thankfully Josh Brolin manages to make him entertaining in his own right. I think one of the best moments is when he’s watching his future self’s death, and he clearly thinks the “I am inevitable” line is the coolest thing he has ever heard. Even if Endgame Thanos comes off as a bit less impressive as a character, he’s still a pretty good character. And when it comes time to throw down, this Thanos is infinitely more impressive, and there is his aforementioned petty reasoning to reset the universe.

Final Fate: Infinity War Thanos actually manages to make it out of his movie alive, sitting down and watching the sunrise on a “grateful” universe. At the start of Endgame, karma catches up with him, but shockingly, he died believing he won. They never undo the damage while this Thanos is still alive. He goes to his grave believing he has balanced the universe, and there is nothing the Avengers can do to fix it. For five years this holds true. Thanos won.

Endgame Thanos has a much more satisfying fate. After Tony makes the ultimate sacrifice and snaps his fingers, Thanos’ entire army suffers the fate he wanted to give half the universe. In a dark mirror of the final scene of Infinity War, Thanos sits down and bows his head in complete silence as he waits for the inevitable, his entire army crumbling to dust around him. If anything truly makes this Thanos as impressive as the one from the last film, it’s the death; there’s no screaming, no bitter last words, no cliché one-liners about how unfair it is… just silent, crushed defeat and acceptance.

Best Scene: The Infinity War Thanos has so many scenes that could be contenders, from fooling the Guardians on Knowhere, to killing Vision, to his battle on Titan… there’s just so much to pick from. But I think the scene where he sacrifices Gamora really encapsulates everything great about his character, the tragedy, the monstrosity, the fact he is so insane that he really believes what he’s doing is out of love. In that moment he truly is the most tragic, horrifying villain ever to grace the screen.

Endgame Thanos has a bit less interesting going on, but I think I would be remiss to not mention the incredible scene where, during the battle, he spins his blades like those of a helicopter. Yes, you read that right: they referenced Thanoscopter.

Best Quote: Infinity War Thanos is a veritable fountain of quotes. Every other word out of his mouth has become a meme. But frankly, for the sheer horror this line filled me when first viewng, I think I might just have to go with his immortal reply to Thor’s wounding him:

“You should have gone for the head.” *SNAP*

Endgame Thanos of course continues his predecessor’s memetic legacy, with tons of great, quotable lines, especially in his numerous evil speeches to the Avengers near the end of the film. The best might just be this quote, when Thanos decides to shed any veneer of being well-intentioned and dives headfirst into extremism:

"In all my years of conquest, violence, slaughter, it was never personal. But I'll tell you now, what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet... I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much."

Final Thoughts & Score: Thanos is truly impressive. Somehow, some way, this character was able to exceed years of buildup and expectations despite having so little presence beforehand there were fears that he was going to be the biggest letdown in the MCU. They took one of the cheesiest comic book characters, a ripoff of DC’s greatest villain with a boner for the physical embodiment of the concept of death, polished hi, gave him depth and emotion, and unleashed him onto the world. And what’s more, they gave him focus, they give him tons of quotes, they gave him so many great scenes… they really went above and beyond to make sure no one was let down by the portrayal of Thanos. Hell, even if you didn’t like him as much in Infinity War, they go out of their way to please the other side and show how stupid his plan was in Endgame. We end up getting the best of both worlds with Thanos.

Still, they’re basically two entirely different takes on the same character, and so I’m rating them accordingly. Infinity War’s take on Thanos is easily a 10/10. He’s the MCU’s best, most complex, most well-rounded villain, a truly brilliant culmination of excellent writing and fantastic acting. Josh Brolin brings Thanos to life and injects him with so much personality that it’s really hard to even come close to him in terms of quality; I think the only villains who are really on his level are Ego, Mysterio, and Killmonger. If I do have any gripes with this Thanos, it’s that his fighting style leans far too heavily on the Gauntlet in this film, and he unfortunately ditches his awesome armor right at the start. Those are nitpicks, though; this Thanos is amazing otherwise.

Endgame Thanos, while certainly more imposing and giving a very awesome final battle, kind of loses something considering this is not the Thanos we know and love (to hate), technically speaking; this is an alternate universe Thanos from earlier in the timeline, and even though we know what he’s like, he still comes off as bit underdeveloped. Still, he has enough quotable lines and cool moments that I feel confident in giving him an 8/10. I feel like I can’t rate him any higher because, again, he’s really walking that thin line between a good villain and a generic doomsday villain. At the same time, I can’t rate him any lower, because after all… they referenced Thanoscopter.

Thanos has really set the bar high for future MCU villains, but not only that, he has set the bar high for when the DCEU finally brings in Darkseid. How ironic that the character made to rip him off has now overshadowed him in cinema, and will be the biggest obstacle Darkseid must overcome to be taken seriously as a good character. Of course, DC can win this battle easily by shelving Darkseid for now and just making Mr. Mind the ultimate big bad for the time being; evil space caterpillars that speak with a little radio are always going to be the best villain in any argument.

As for the MCU itself, it should be in safe hands for now. Thanos really showed how polished and complex a villain can be made, and despite tripping up with the mediocre villains in the Phase One holdover Captain Marvel, the MCU was able to deliver a fantastic villain in Far From Home wirth Mysterio, who is easily one of the must fun and entertaining villains in the franchise. I think the MCU going forward has to just be careful not to try and overextend themselves to “top” Thanos, and for the most part it looks like they aren’t trying to do that, with Zemo and Mandarin being the biggest bad guys explicitly confirmed so far. Unless Doctor Doom or Dracula decides to pop in, I think they’re going to be sticking to working on and making entertaining more low-key villains, and frankly I think that’s smart; villains like Thanos need to be used sparingly.

Whatever the future holds for superhero movies, Thanos leaves behind quite a legacy, acting as the perfect capstone to the first decade of major superhero cinema. And what a capstone he is.

#Psycho Analysis #Thanos #Infinity War #Endgame #Marvel #MCU

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patromlogil · 5 years

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Selfishness vs Selflessness: Analysis - Snake Symbolism + Stuff

Major Deceit Warning (no images), also repeated references to snakes (no images)

Deceit Analysis Tag List

@bumble-bitch-sanders @lacrimosathedark @imnotcameraready @viawkwardgamer @hatethesinlovethesinner92 @starryfirefliesbloggo @inksandpensblog @risiskifi @whizzie72 @emotional-mess-in-distress @monstercupcake61176 @sevencrashing @bluezingzapper @toxicity-levels-critical @yeet-ceit @intothevoidsunknown @bookworm85blr @greenneerg123 @septic-fallen @wingsofthefierydragonheart @extra-ordinary00 @totellismert @a-happy-crusteacean @imposterkid @positive--pancake @magpie1230 @sammy-is-trans-134 @glazed-transacotta @fandoms-winkitywonk @alenmatha10 @im-tired-101 @hell-or-high-waters @lumiere-isameme @riot-meme @ask-barkiplier-rp

people who asked to be tagged but Tumblr won’t let me tag - @thatoneawkwardmultishipper @ilovelotsofthings

When Deceit first appeared, I, like many other people, jumped to the conclusion that he is indeed a slimy boi. After the popularity of the Harry Potter films, I think it’s safe to say none of us are going to be trusting people with snake-like faces any time soon. But after the latest video, and the reveal of Deceit’s logo, I did some digging and you won’t believe what I found.

Though typically in this day and age snakes are generally seen to be bad omens and harbingers of doom, that’s a very singular viewpoint, most likely fueled by the serpent’s role in the story of the Original Sin (and the rampant Slytherin hate out there).

If you delve a little deeper in snakes and their role in the history of various cultures the world over, you start to see a very different narrative. For example, in the Ancient Near East, snakes were in fact believed to be the reincarnated souls of your ancestors who would provide guidance when you needed it.

So obviously I can’t go into everything throughout history, so allow me to summarise the three common themes I came across: wisdom, healing, and protection

Certainly not something you would immediately associate with Deceit. So I looked at the logo. Now generally being two-faced in any capacity is not a great thing, but the two headed snake is a curious (and fabulous) design.

If you dream of a two-headed snake (as one could argue is the case here since it was clearly established that all of this is happening within Thomas’s head), it’s a sign of having conflicting views about something, and feeling as though you’re being pulled in two different directions, kind of exactly what is happening in this video is it not?

Meanwhile, in depictions of two-headed snakes throughout history, the duplicate heads are often considered omniscient and wise. Now that might not fit Deceit precisely, but he sure seems to be more knowledgable than the others about a lot of things, particularly when it comes to how Roman (and Thomas) actually feel despite how they speak out about it, and Virgil’s secret.

Now consider, if you will:

This is probably my favourite overlooked quote about Deceit, and I’ll admit I forgot it was ever even said until I was going through previous videos again.

The key word I want you to think on is ‘self-preservation’ as it could be taken a couple of ways. 1) Deceit is singularly focused on preserving himself, and his presence within Thomas with is definitely in line with the above video’s goal of getting Thomas to lie. Or 2) ‘Deceit’ is an extension of Thomas’s self-preservation, working towards healing and fixing a problem that Thomas is not yet consciously aware exists. A covert operation where Deceit must work against the conscious mind’s (possibly the other Sides) perception of the situation in an attempt to preserve Thomas’s sense of self

Bringing this and what I found about snakes’ roles through history together, I honestly believe it is possible that Deceit, though seemingly malicious, is actually there, and fighting aggressively, to undo the damage that is visible if you peer just beyond the superficial surface of the latest videos.

Now I understand that a lot of people do not want to (or maybe cannot) consider this possibility, given how he comes off as kind of manipulative, generally villainous, and just a bad guy overall, and that is very much a valid way to interpret him, but the mind is a complex thing..

As someone who has long struggled with diminshed sense-of-self and drastically skewed priorities, I look at Deceit and can’t help but recognise the ‘villain voice’ that my own mind had to develop years ago in order to keep it together. It would say (and still does) things like “ what you want is important”, “you are allowed to feel wronged”, “your pain is valid”, “stop pretending that it doesn’t hurt” etc. It has to be angry in order to be heard and it sounds like the bad guy because it’s constantly arguing overtop of a decade of putting others before myself to the detriment of my own health and well-being.

Everyone has complex Sides of themselves that may not entirely work in a pleasant or agreeable way, but those Sides are every bit a part of us and our lives as the other happier, peppier Sides.

I won’t lie. I like the idea that Deceit possibly isn’t an outright bad guy. I mean he is an asshole, and he is certainly shown as little more than a lying, bad guy at the moment, but all of the other Sides started off very simply. They were all one note but have grown into more cocmplex characters who represent more than what we first thought of them and I honestly believe there is a lot of growth potential for this character.

#Sanders Sides #Sanders Sides Theory #Deceit Sanders #ts Deceit #Selfishness vs Selflessness

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