#emotional healing

[samxcamargo]

You don’t have to be healed to deserve the good things in your life.

-Josue Camargo

[spiritualseeker777]

[enii]

Please be patient with me, I'm still learning to love myself💕

[desultory-suggestions]

Asking for love is not asking for too much

[moonlit-positivity]

Lets talk about journaling & what to do when you just can't write it out

So my main gripe with journaling is how much therapy will push this on you as if it's the only method to working out the kinks in your life. It's not. Journaling is not for everyone, no coping skill is. Everyone is different. And there are some major hiccups that come when you factor in:

• trauma involving invasive parents reading your journals and searching your rooms can give you a sense of paranoia around having an actual paper trail of your thoughts just lying around for others to see

• abusive partners and/or abusive environments that are hard to cultivate private personal space

• there is a huge stigma around journaling being a "feminine" activity and because of toxic masculinity men are less likely to engage

• it's just awkward. Sometimes it's just really really awkward to sit down and write your thoughts out on purpose. Some of us have never had that a day in our lives.

• What the hell do you write about???? How long do you write for??? How do you know when you're done???? Why does this feel like a punishment??? Or homework????

The concept of journaling can be kinda problematic for trauma survivors to get into. So the first thing to do is understand why it's useful and how it can help.

Writing things out is just a nifty neat little introduction to the concept of ✨ making space for yourself. ✨ How do you know what you're feeling if you never say it out loud? How do you know what you want & need if you never give yourself time and space to ask? Everything feels too much, you're numb, life sucks, too much pain and it's not safe for you to talk about it out loud, right? You gotta find a way to ask yourself these questions cuz chances are no one else will. If you've never had anyone care about you on a deeper level like that, the yeah of course this kind of attention is difficult to sit with. It's intentional, on purpose, you giving yourself time and space to think about things that probably no one has ever asked you before. That's scary. And it's never about the inability to write. You can write fanfiction, you can write poetry, you can write a 5 page essay on why you're fed up to a friend. That's not the problem. It's the concept of ✨ being alone with our thoughts✨ that's the actual problem. When someone suggests journaling to you, it can feel like, "yeah right, like that's gonna help." The thing is, who else is gonna help you figure it out? The same people you're holding your breath wishing hoping waiting and expecting to notice you suffering in silence and come get you out of it? Has that worked yet? At some point you gotta wake up & try something else.

Let's talk about alternatives & what to do when it is the actual fear of writing your thoughts out loud in a physical form:

Feel like someone's gonna read ur thoughts? Try this:

Write in code

Write in scribbles

Color code your emotions & write in colored scribbles

Rip up the paper when you're done

Tear the page out and set it on fire over the sink

Tear the page out and pour coffee or dark liquid over it to stain the page

Try a different creative / destructive outlet. Collages, coloring books, macrame, crochet, art projects, music, learn an instrument, play a video game, tear something apart, punch a pillow, scream, cry, ruminate & doom scroll to avoid ur feelings.

Use a notes app on your phone

Make a private discord server or private Tumblr specific for venting

Draw a picture

Use symbols

Draw vent art

Photoshop or digital editing vent art

Write fanfiction

Vent or talk to someone privately instead

Remember that you have a right to your life, your pain, and how you express yourself. Remember that you are absolutely allowed to cultivate a space of privacy and protection. Even if you just sit on it for a while and think about ways you can give yourself more privacy, space, and freedom of expression, that's the entire point.

Don't know what to write about? Try this:

Look up journaling prompts online

Look up art therapy prompts online

Ask yourself a question & write out the answer

Write about what's bothering you right now

Write a letter to someone

Write a letter to yourself, your past self, present self, or future self

Write about what you wanna do this weekend

Write about what you did last weekend

Write about what's for dinner

Write about what you're excited for

Write that WIP you've been meaning to write for years now

Write a fanfic

Draw/ vent art

Write whatever comes to mind

Use shorthand or just write a few words at a time

List out your thoughts in bullet form

Write really big, one word per page

Cuss someone out

Write a poem

There are no rules, journaling is literally just there to help you become aware of your thoughts and help give you a safe space to be genuine and authentic with yourself. The goal is to just spend more time with yourself.

Feeling nervous or too anxious to write? Try this:

Buy a journal with a sick cover and cool pages with art on them

Write on loose leaf pages if books aren't your thing and keep them stored in a notebook or folder

Body double or ask someone trusted to spend time with you while you write

Find a good space to be alone

Pick a time when it's soft and easy to reflect, like bedtime or morning breakfast

Set the scenery. If ur at home then put on some music. Light a candle or burn an incense. Turn the lights low. Vibe. Chill.

Go outside and write or take pictures instead

Ease into it with a crossword puzzle, sudoku, or something else that stimulates your brain

Grab a comfort item or set up a comfort station

Grab a snack and some juice

Do something nice when youre done

Vent online instead

Try a different creative/destructive outlet

Vent or talk to someone trusted

Remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" thing to do here. You don't have to write, you could try something else. Even if you just spend some time thinking about it, that's good too. The goal is to make space for yourself. That's all. No rush, no need to "get it right." Take ur time. Breathe. Do something else. It's fine.

Lack of motivation? Try this:

Stop expecting it to be on a schedule. If you're not able to make it a routine then that's where you are right now and that's completely fine.

There's no need to write every single day at every single time of day. You gotta find what works best for you.

I mean if that works for you then that's great too!

Sometimes it'll be so easy for your thoughts to flow, and other times it won't be easy at all. Don't forget that at the core of writing is the actual acknowledgement of whatever it is that needs to be said. Sometimes that's not an easy thing to do no matter how you're trying to sweeten it.

Sometimes its just a quick little "I'm pissed off because-" whenever someone pisses ya off. Yanno?

Other times it's like ten pages of you rambling non stop and it's nice because there's no one there to tell you to stop

Give yourself some room to breathe and wiggle with

Remember this isn't a race. You move on your own timeline and if it's not something you can do right now then that's fine too.

Literally just slow down and breathe. If you don't want to do it then you don't have to force it.

If you do wanna do it but genuinely can't, ask yourself what's the biggest issue in the way and go from there

If it's something like "I want to write but the effort to get the books and pens is too much" then makeshift a writing station. Make it portable. Throw your books and pens and crayons in a bag and carry it with you.

If it's something like "I think this is stupid and I don't want to do it" well then weigh out how it feels to keep going as you are now vs trying something new and kicking your parents ass for calling your emotions stupid.

If it's something like "my hand hurts" then yeah honestly I feel you, that's why I just started talking out loud to myself. At least my cat cares, right?

Can you find other ways of sitting with your thoughts? Yeah definitely. Just work really hard on noticing them. Writing is just a neat little way to do that. That's all.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Gentle tip & reminder: give yourself time and space to grieve properly anything you need, cause if you don't do it well enough, if you don't welcome all the emotions you feel (whatever type they are), and if you don't allow yourself time, you'll sooner or later have to go back to the same issue and heal it again. Don't try to rush things, to avoid feelings (I know they hurt), to pretend... it won't work, sadly. Ofc you don't have to do anything alone, you can ask for support in the meantime. When it will be time, you'll be out of it. Stay strong and hopeful. And take care of you.

[buttercup-smile-afternoon]

Note to Self

If someone treated you the way you treat yourself, you'd avoid them. You can't ever escape yourself though, no matter how much you may try, so why not learn to be a good friend to yourself instead?

[wisterianwoman]

When I was in counseling as a kid and even going through cognitive behavioral therapy, I thought I was doing everything I could to heal. The truth is that I was only treating the symptoms of my unhealed trauma and unresolved feelings: anxiety, stress, emotional outbursts, destructive behaviors, and so on. I wasn't being taught how to feel, express, and release my emotions; I was being taught how to understand my past experiences, think about them differently, and rationalize my way to functioning. This is known as intellectualization: a coping mechanism wherein reasons and logic are used to avoid the discomfort that comes with genuine feeling.

[vizthedatum]

Accept that you will disappoint people.

radically self-forgive yourself so that guilt and shame don't become a part of your wiring

so that you can show up and be accountable

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[oliviafitmomof3]

[samxcamargo]

Book: The Pain of Healing by Samantha Camargo on amazon 💛

[spiritualseeker777]

[confusedraven1]

stede still doesn’t like the word “soft” when it’s referred to him, despite him working really fucking hard to not let it bother him.

when zheng yi sao says, “no offense,” after stede makes a noise of discontent at her calling him and the crew soft, he cheerfully responds with, “oh, none taken!” because he really doesn’t take any offense by it.

he recognizes that his issues with that word have nothing to do with her, and everything to do with him. he knows there’s no way she can know his history with bullying and emotional abuse, so he doesn’t lay blame with her whatsoever and simply moves on from it.

[wordsfromwise]

[moonlit-positivity]

Healing thoughts: How to actually feel your feelings

"you have to stop intellectualizing your emotions and actually feel them" OKAY BUT DO WE EVER TALK ABOUT HOW TO "FEEL" YOUR FEELINGS????? Because for a lot of us, it's a miracle we can even intellectualize in the first place???? We come from a place where we don't even know what the hell an emotion is??? How to recognize when you're having a feeling??? What that looks like???? Where it feels in our bodies??? Because we are too dissociated to tell what that even looks like! For some of us that were never allowed to even think about our feelings as children, how the hell do we know when we are feeling a feel??? Until it's too late and we're isolating, self h/rming, etc....

Hey! I gotchu! Here's a quick frame by frame of how to actually FEEL YOUR FEELINGS! But first, let me reiterate a very important aspect that is never really discussed in depth about the process of "feeling your feelings"- there is nothing wrong with being too numb to feel what has happened to you. Being numb, ie living in a constant state of dissociation, is our body's natural defense mechanism against the horrific shit you've had to go through. It is actually so normal to have a buffer zone of being "numb", because otherwise you would have not survived! The shit you had to go through was in fact that bad, to the point that your brain and body had to reject the emotions, repress them, and keep you dissociated in order for you to survive.

There is an entire rhetoric in healing that will push you to feel your feelings, but the aspects that no one talks about is that it's not always safe enough for you to do that! Some of us are still not able to break the walls of denial and avoidance and tbh that is normal! Because that is your brain telling you you still don't feel safe enough to bring this up and that is equally okay and needs to be respected just as much in healing! Because if you force yourself to do this without a proper support system, without the proper tools to soothe yourself, without knowing that none of this is your fault, and without the actual ability to HANDLE the falling apart that comes when you finally get through-- it can be equally as traumatizing to force yourself through this. It can be like ripping apart your soul and rubbing salt in the wound, if you are not in a place where you can handle it just yet. And that is so valid, and need to be respected!

But if you are finding yourself after years and years of talking about it, or maybe you're just now talking about and still in a situation where you just can't move, you're still stuck, not able to quite put your finger on it, please remember that this is normal and necessary and I have a lot of tips on how you can start working on this in order to actually feel whatever it is that has you so stuck in freeze response.

How to feel your feelings: a guide

The main points are as follows:

• safety

• validation

• boundaries

• expression

• anchor

• somatics

• time & patience

Here's how they work:

Safety: are you safe enough to feel this feeling?

What does that look like: Do you have privacy? Are you able to have a space that is for you and you alone? Do you have a safe space to exist? Can you cry and show emotion right now? Do you feel safe in the company your with right now, that you could express your feelings and not be judged or shut down for feeling the way you're feeling?

Why this is important: having your own space in order to break down and process your own thoughts in a way that no one is going to judge you, berate you, make you feel like you're being overdramatic, make you feel less than, or just make it difficult for you to even look inward and hear yourself speak... This is the entire reason why safety is so important in everything we do. We need that backbone in order to restore our basic need for connection and attunement with ourselves.

Validation: being comforted when you express your emotions

What that looks like: What does your inner monologue sound like? What do you say to yourself when your having a flashback, intrusive thought, etc? Are you able to speak gently with yourself? Are you able to be kind and gentle and compassionate? Do you know this isn't your fault? Do you have things you can look at or tell yourself to remind you it's not your fault and reaffirm and soothe urself? Can you start finding ways to incorporate some sort of soothing into your mind? (I like to ask my alts, "how would you like to be soothed?" "How would you like me to handle this?" And let them pick something)

Why this is important: validation is what starts to break the ice. Chances are, you've been told your whole life that your feelings are irrelevant and that you're actually the crazy one for feeling that way. You may need to find safe spaces and safe people, to talk with someone and actually have them reiterate, over and over and as many times as you need, that you are not in fact the crazy one, that your thoughts and feelings on the situation actually make a lot of sense and that its not crazy at all to have wanted and needed some basic human decency from the people who put you in this bullshit to begin with. Validation is the entire basis for building & restoring a sense of trust to your own judgement. To know that all of your feelings deserve to exist and deserve to be treated and handled well.

Boundaries: did you ask how I feel, and do I have control over this conversation? // Was this something that ripped my control away from me? How can I reestablish my need for protection in this moment?

What this looks like: is this something I want to talk about right now? Did the person ask me if I was okay talking about this? Do I want to share this right now? Do I feel safe enough to talk about this? And if I said I didn't want to talk about it right now, would that be okay? // Identifying the parts of what happened to you that felt like it was your fault, and giving yourself the proper chance to reframe and put that shame where it truly belongs- with the abusers who did this to you.

Why this is important: Boundaries with ourselves and boundaries with others, in regards to what we share and how we share it and with whom we share it with, helps us regain control over how we tell our story. You can absolutely decide who you want to talk to, the kinds of people and environments you want to have hold your pain, and when and how much you want to disclose. This is the backbone to restoring your control. // Thinking about boundaries can help you find safer ways to hold your most vulnerable moments, even with yourself. You can absolutely find safer ways within yourself to handle your tender moments. Reframing the things you've been through, finding ways to hold compassion for yourself, esp when you've been handed a narrative of gaslighting and abuse, is essential in order to cultivate your self worth.

Expression: how do I voice myself?

What this looks like: am I too numb to feel this? Are there any harmful rhetorics from my past interfering with how I voice myself? Have I been expected to feel a certain way in the past? Am I able to be genuine with how I feel about this? Do I know how I feel? Ask yourself, "how do I feel about this?"... let yourself vent about what you went through & how you feel about it, letting yourself write angry letters or draw vent art, letting yourself cuss them out in your head, screaming out into the ether, how do you actually express what you are feeling, and what are the obstacles that interfere?

Why this is important: this is the intellectualization, the acknowledgement. This is so important because it gives you your voice back, it gives you chances and opportunities to talk it out and hear yourself say it out loud, to make it real, to keep hearing yourself say it until you realize it's not gonna go away... because you keep saying it over and over and nothing is happening? This is what leads us to the deeper aspects of understanding. You are absolutely allowed to name your feelings, to call them out and give them a space to exist. They need you to do that.

Anchor: can I feel this feeling in a way that I know I will be okay through the wave?

What this looks like: quite literally weathering the storm, being able to sit with yourself during the massive amounts of pain and discomfort and knowing that no matter what happens, you will be okay during and after it hits... These are ur grounding techniques, reminding urself that even though ur feeling a feel, you're still safe in ur house in ur bed and ur not in the flashback, you're not there anymore and its gonna be okay, you will make it through this, even when it feels overwhelming and like its gonna swallow you whole...

Why this is important: grounding helps us keep our focus off of the overwhelm and panic until we are better able to cope and weather the storm... Anchoring is the most important aspect to feeling your feelings because this is where you actually break down the emotional responses built up in your body and start allowing them to flow through. This is how you actually feel the emotions and stay afloat while they're so big and overwhelming... The more you anchor the better you get at it and in turn the more you'll actually start to feel it in your body, where the emotions are stored and how it's affecting you. But tbh, this step is first filled with a bunch of panic attacks and massive blackouts of panic and anxiety, if anything this is the hardest part and it can take a very very long time before you're able to sit more comfortably in this step.

Somatics: where is it in my body?

What this looks like: can you move your body while you feel this emotion? Is it too heavy to move? Where does it feel heavy? Your chest? Your heart? Are you too scared to move? Are you feeling explosive? Is it in your head? Are you feeling fearful? Is it in your stomach? And how can you bring awareness to and acknowledge the physical discomforts?

Why this is important: Somatics is the practice of communicating with your nervous system, which in turn is how we actually feel the feelings. If you can start to pinpoint where in your body you feel heavy, where you feel activated, then incorporate some type of attention or soothing to that part of your body, i.e. butterfly hugs when your heart and chest feel exposed, rubbing your cheeks when your cheeks get hot, crossing your arms and holding your shoulders when you feel vulnerable, scrunching up your face when you feel pain & allowing your face to outwardly express your emotions, move and wiggle around when you feel anxious, fidget, walk in place, punch the air or other physical activities for high energy and anger like dancing etc, just something to get your body moving through the energy.

Time & patience: I may not understand how to do this rn, but I am worth the effort to keep trying

What this looks like: finding ways to incorporate compassion for urself into ur life... Resting... Channeling ur inner grandma & pick up crochet... Seriously tho, finding ways to just sit through the hard and uncomfortable things, and finding ways to bring some warmth and kindness in while u wait...

Why this is important: you can't rush this process. This can take years, years, years to come to understand what you went through, what you are still going through, like that never ends. Emotions don't like to be told they shouldn't exist. All of you, all of your thoughts and feelings matter in this world. You gotta start finding ways to acknowledge they exist and ask them if they want a cup of tea while you manage to find nicer ways to talk to them.

Afterthoughts:

There are a lot of smaller aspects that can build up as well, like the acknowledgement of our emotions can be really difficult to narrow or pinpoint esp if you've never been allowed to express yourself before. I've got some tools I've gathered from other therapists on how to recognize what you're feeling and where they are in your body.

Emotions wheel:

Walking through the process: there's also the need to acknowledge that there will be resistance, it's not always an inherently cohesive process to just trust that you are safe enough to feel hurt and that you even have the right to feel and say and talk about it to begin with... That's why it's such a harrowing process and why it can take so so so much time in safe spaces before you're really able to break it all down and process. The avoidance and hesitance and also paranoia of talking about it and the concept of "disrespect" should also be mentioned, bc that's equally part of the process is breaking down all these harmful rhetorics you've been handed all your life in order to unlearn and cultivate new, healthier perspectives. And like damn man that's really hard to do???? So kudos to you for even attempting this shit man give urself a huge pat on the back! You're doing so good please keep going!

Anyway, phew this post got long heheh but it is my hope we can curate better knowledge and understanding from a deeper place with trauma awareness so I hope someone can find this genuinely useful.

Take care of yourselves out there!

🌸