#emotional intimacy

[positivelypresent]

People who avoid their own feelings will probably avoid yours too.

[mountainmagpie]

If a woman could just gently cup my face in her hands while she softly presses a kiss to my lips that’d be great thank you so much.

[secondblooms]

The emotionally intelligent person knows that love is a skill, not a feeling, and will require trust, vulnerability, generosity, humor, sexual understanding, and selective resignation. The emotionally intelligent person awards themselves the time to determine what gives their working life meaning and has the confidence and tenacity to try to find an accommodation between their inner priorities and the demands of the world. The emotionally intelligent person knows how to hope and be grateful, while remaining steadfast before the essentially tragic structure of existence. The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm. There are few catastrophes, in our own lives or in those of nations, that do not ultimately have their origins in emotional ignorance. ~Alain de Botton

(Book: The School of Life https://amzn.to/3OQMf6w)

Photo: Couple in Prague 1971

[quotationsworld]

Sometimes when we’re alone, he looks at me in a way that makes me feel empty when he looks away.

— Colleen Hoover, Regretting You

[wordsofwisdomandsoul]

[girl4music]

Theres one word to describe WayHaught that is unlike any other WLW ship that I’ve ever seen - “passionate”.

I have never seen such passionate physical AND emotional intimacy in a WLW ship. In fact this is the only WLW ship I’ve seen that even provides both. It’s enrapturing when I watch their intimate scenes. Emily, Dom and Kat really managed to provide significant WLW representation from all angles so that they seem as realistic, natural and authentic as possible even in a supernatural/fantasy world. Not only did they give us both physical and emotional content in full main textual canonship. But they also managed to interweave both the physical and emotional content so seamlessly so that one complements the other to make this ship the greatest ship I’ve ever seen since Xena and Gabrielle. It’s not nauseating to watch their physical intimacy because they have all the narrative foundation that makes all the physical content justified. It’s not difficult to watch their emotional intimacy because their relationship is so deep and intense that you would expect them to be physically intimate. It wouldn’t be appropriate that they’re so ride or die for each other if they weren’t very sexually involved with each other. I mean no one ever said that Xena and Gabrielle weren’t sexually involved as a committed couple (and the fanfiction for them proves it.) It’s just we couldn’t get to see it on-screen the way we can with WayHaught because it wasn’t allowed.

WayHaught are a well-written and balanced WLW ship. Everything they have between them is woven together so seamlessly. I am honestly really impressed with what was achieved with them even though it’s a relatively short show compared to what I’m used to. They may be my favourite WLW ship after Xena and Gabrielle. They’re certainly the closest ship I’ve seen to them - majorly down to the level of chemistry that Dom and Kat have being at the same level of chemistry that Lucy and Renee have. But something I get with Waverly and Nicole that I never got with Xena and Gabrielle is full main textual canonship. I mean it never really bothered me that Xena and Gabrielle weren’t fully main textually canon because I could always interpret them as that for myself. But it was always really frustrating for me that despite Xena and Gabrielle being the greatest WLW representation that I’ve ever seen in TV art/entertainment that they were never fully main textually canon in the eyes of the general public. I mean they were never in the “greatest WLW (or sapphic as some would rather refer to it as) ships of all-time” lists because they were not confirmed as canon. Whereas I would rank them at NO.1 because they were the blueprint and greenlight for all the OG WLW (or sapphic) ships in TV art/entertainment that were. I mean we wouldn’t even have a WayHaught or Tillow or TiBette or Brittana without Xabrielle. All the ships heralded as the OG WLW ships of the 90’s/00’s/10’s. They opened the door wide up for every one of them. Made it possible for those OG WLW ships to have walls broken down. I’m not saying the first should be the greatest. But I mean - if you watch Xena, you really can’t deny that they are because they go so damn hard in really showing what ‘love’ looks like between two women. Or, for me, what ‘love’ looks like in general even if the “making love” parts were censored or edited out of it.

I mean I feel like if I had never seen what Xena and Gabrielle have, I could have never appreciated what Waverly and Nicole have because I wouldn’t “get it”. You know what I mean? I had to see it in Xabrielle first before I could truly see it in WayHaught because I know that the only reason why I prefer emotional content to physical content is because I had it first - and their love, regardless of it being romantic or platonic in nature, is all-encompassing. Xabrielle is the greatest love story that I’ve ever seen in TV art/entertainment to this day even though it is not fully main textually canon like WayHaught is and got to be.

I see so much in WayHaught that I see in Xabrielle. All that was really missing was all the physical intimacy - which just wasn’t and isn’t a key thing for me anyway. But I’m never saying that they didn’t have that too. Just that I never was able to get to see it in the show. But I know with every fiber of my being that they would have been just as passionate as WayHaught.

At this point I think I should print on a t-shirt the phrase “Xena and Gabrielle walked so Waverly and Nicole could fly” because it really is so damn true.

In fact I feel like Xena and Gabrielle existed in TV art/entertainment so every OG WLW ship could. Not just WayHaught. All of them. Every. single. WLW ship that provided proper and significant WLW representation would not be if Xena and Gabrielle had not been first.

Fuck what’s canon and what isn’t. If you see it, you see it. And there’s no way that I cannot see it now. They’re fundamental. They’re the true beginning.

Please watch ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’. I know there isn’t much physically intimate content with them where it is 100% clear that they have a sexual love.

But you would not have physical intimacy like this, where the sexual is very much intended to be visible:

without physical intimacy like this, where sex was subtextually implied but not made explicitly visible:

[howifeltabouthim]

I cannot explain to you what it would be to me to be able to talk again to one who knows all the errors and all the efforts of my past life as you do.

Anthony Trollope, from Phineas Redux

[positiveupwardspiral]

EIGHT SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL INTIMACY IN A RELATIONSHIP

1. You feel genuinely seen and understood.

2. You encourage and support each other to grow.

3. Your autonomy is celebrated.

4. You are comfortable being vulnerable and imperfect.

5. You feel safe sharing difficult emotions and/or experiences.

6. You are at ease with silence and giving each other space.

7. You hold each other accountable.

8. You hold respect for each other.

~ Dr L. Suglani

[ludululovelu]

i’m so tired today, i want sleepy cuddles and soft kisses.

[aashiquidreams]

Friday, March 22nd

After the breathwork session, while I was taking a shower, tears mingled with the water as I begged God for forgiveness. Memories of the abuse at home flooded back, overwhelming me with guilt once again. It felt like I deserved it somehow, like I was just a disobedient kid who deserved punishment. That’s what they always told me, and too often, I believed them. I endured being hit, yelled at, threatened, and punished for things they thought I did wrong. And it always came with shame. They made me feel like I was a disgrace, like I should be ashamed.

In the days following the breathwork session, I was once again confronted with the realization of how strange it is to feel safe in unsafe environments. The very place and people that were supposed to be my refuge turned out to be both safe and unsafe. Several years ago, Schema therapy helped me come to this realization, but it’s a contradiction that still baffles me.

The contradiction not only affected my sense of safety but also influenced the relationships I attracted. It led me to form unhealthy relationships and prevented me from establishing healthy boundaries. While I’ve seen some improvement in recent years, it remains a work in progress. I continue to work on setting boundaries and cultivating healthier relationships, and though there have been improvements, I acknowledge that there’s still work to be done.

Despite the progress, the journey can feel lonely at times. There’s a longing to be understood, held, and comforted when things get dark and heavy. But it is what it is, and I’ve made a promise to myself not to be driven into the wrong arms again.

In the days after the session, I also found that I had more space within myself, allowing room for compassion. I realized that I didn’t deserve what my parents put me through. So my prayers have changed, and I now ask for more courage, strength, and self-compassion as I continue on this journey.

[quotationsworld]

I know I'll always think of you with something like hurt and nostalgia — and great deal of love.

— Sylvia Plath, Letters of Sylvia Plath, Volume I: 1940-1956

[wordsofwisdomandsoul]

[girl4music]

DomKat's physical and emotional chemistry: Chin lifting to get each other's attention to kiss each other

This is Part 1 in a meta series in observing how DomKat portray physical and emotional intimacy as WayHaught

What I mean by physical chemistry is natural and automatic bodily responses to one another in a scene where they perform some kind of physical intimacy. It doesn't have to be physical but, for WayHaught, it is more often physical than emotional. However, I will cover both because they do have both - which is extremely rare for WLW ships. Sometimes the intimacy is choreographed by the director or an intimacy coach, so they may be only following that direction. But even so, to portray intimacy in such a way where it does not seem that way is a talent that can only really be done by actors that do have great physical and emotional chemistry with one another. That know how to use body language to communicate and convey intentions and emotions so that each other knows how to react in response to the other to portray their characters' intimacy.

These physically intimate bodily responses to one another from the episodes 'Shed Your Skin' and 'Whiskey Lullaby' in Season 2 of 'Wynonna Earp' could be choreographed, could be improvised. Either way, they are portrayed by DomKat chin lifting the other to represent WayHaught's desire and need to be physically intimate. Something like this can look so forced without that great physical chemistry that these two actors appear to possess. It looks real and convincing and authentic rather than acted, choreographed and scripted. As if they feel like they're the only two people in the room.

It's easy to just assume when we watch physical and emotional intimate scenes between characters that it's because it is the actors' real feelings for each other or even their real desires for one another. And it may be so that that is the case sometimes because many actors that have portrayed romantic couples have fallen in love from it and even gotten together. But in the interest of appreciating and praising an actor's acting talent and respecting them as real people I do not like to think that way myself. Not only can it come across as disrespectful to them as real people if that assumption is pushed on them, as some fans love to do, but it also can disrespect them as actors because it puts their acting talent down to real thoughts and feelings. Meaning it's less acting and more genuine behaviour and action. I never like that assumption and I never like assuming that way myself because being able to portray any kind of intimacy with someone you have absolutely no real life intimate connection with is a talent. It's very true that close friendship and love between actors can translate as romance between their respective characters but to say it's entirely down to that disrespects their talent as actors and it can disrespect them as real people to say it's more than friendship when they'll likely be very uncomfortable with that assumption. Fandoms love to see their ships performing intimacy and it is genuinely down to the real chemistry between the actors most of the time why they do. But it goes too far for me when it is assumed that it's not acting or there's very little talent needed to perform that intimacy because they think that the intimacy is the real deal. I'm not ever denying that it can't or won't be when this assumption is made for any ship, I'm just saying I don't like what that implies when it is.

With DomKat portraying intimacy as WayHaught it's difficult to deny and denounce this assumption because both actors have come out as queer during the period of filming their scenes together, so at the least it confirms that they felt attraction to one another - which is fine, of course, if they're fine with it. In addition to that is that they have been really good and close friends all the while - and therefore much of their friendship and love translates as romance on-screen. And even though the assumption is strong in the fandom that there's more between them, the Earpers are a respectful fandom and do not push the assumption on to them. There might be a few that have overstepped their boundaries and tried to coerce DomKat to confess if there is, but the majority of the fandom have refrained from doing so while still supporting them coming out as queer because of their individual experiences in portraying Waverly and Nicole and the fact that the physical and emotional intimacy between WayHaught has contributed to the choice to address and announce their queerness.

I feel very at home in this fandom. I've been apart of fandoms for other queer ships where the fans were not mature and have tried to push their assumptions and agendas on to the actors because they were so desperate for that representation from them. And while I absolutely understand that desperation and those feelings as a queer person myself, I won't stand for that kind of behaviour in a fandom and will instead choose to separate and exclude myself from it if boundaries are crossed and any kind of violation is committed.

My objective for doing this meta series in observing DomKat's physical and emotional chemistry is to appreciate and praise the acting talent it takes to portray physical and emotional intimacy as their respective characters on-screen and I'm hoping the amazing Earper fandom will see this series and follow suit in doing the same because the more we express and discuss about how physical and emotional intimacy requires physical and emotional chemistry without just putting it down to the assumption of real thoughts and feelings and behaviours and actions, and rather how honestly hard working this specific acting duo works as a unit in their scenes together, the more we can help to encourage other actors to portray this level and intensity of physical and emotional intimacy with each other without being scared that they'll be exposed for being queer if they are closeted at the time, or if they're not and just want to provide queer representation in solidarity with their queer audience. I think it's very important that we are able to show that we respect them as actors and as people because it's a very difficult thing to do to put yourself out there like that whether you're queer or not queer.

Part of the reason I had the idea to do this is because Dom PC confessed in their coming out announcement with Advocate that they felt like they were a hypocrite in portraying a queer character and representing a queer on-screen relationship with Kat Barrell when they couldn't come out as queer themselves. It made me feel upset and sorry for them that they felt that way when everybody - be it an actor or not - are on their own journeys with experiencing their queerness and I think that the courage and strength that they had to portray Waverly Earp and represent a significant and deep on-screen intimate relationship with another same-sex actor even though they had not yet come out as queer themselves is fucking incredible. Not to mention that they were also closeted in gender identity at the time too. They had no idea they were non-binary and not female which must have just made that coming out journey all the more difficult to do while still in the spotlight and representing WLW. They probably felt they were even more of a hypocrite because they weren't being honest about either their sexuality or gender identity when that's just not how it works. If you don't know, you don't know.

So, you know? I just feel like something like this is necessary to do and I guess I've decided to "start the wave" - as Dom likes to put it. So as I talk about and post this meta series, I would like to see other Earpers or other creators in other queer ship fandoms follow suit and show appreciation and praise and respect for what these incredibly amazing and talented actors do for all kinds of queer representation. How they do it and what it takes. The effort and dedication and talent. I think we owe it to them for what they do for us all the time in sincerely representing who and what we are as queer individuals even if not queer themselves or haven't yet come out as queer. Maybe something like this will help them begin their own journey because it really is a two-way street how this whole thing all works.