#emotionally drained

[themindofmine]

I feel sick. Sick of myself, my life and my feelings.

[dumblr]

If you feel drained around them, they are not for you.

[brokenfrombirth]

🎶 Where were you when everything was falling apart? 🎶

[family-trauma]

Sadly I can check off alot of items from this list. Time and self education are the only things that will help reclaim life back once you lose yourself with emotional abuse.

[lilacmango]

why is destroying my body so fun?

[betweenmee]

It feels heavier than it seems

[otakubimbo]

Hey! Can I request for an angst romance with the very first sentence prompt with Satoru? They break up but Satoru refuses to believe that it actually happened and that it was only a joke. Like, he is in denial about it.

Hi anon! You're my first official request so thank you! I hope I did this prompt justice for you. My heart hurts.

angsty romance prompt. "tell me it was a lie, tell me you're playing with me right now "

Warnings: None really, just angst and no happy ending, which yes is so unlike me but we ball! I didn't proof read cause it made me sad writing it.

“Tell me it was a lie. Tell me you’re playing with me right now!” Satoru’s voice was at a higher level than it should being at this café. The people around pretending not to be easy dropping on the conversation that you and the man across form you were having.

“Lower your voice, people are staring.” The hushed tone of your voice, attempting to not betray the facade you were putting on.  This wasn’t easy for you, breaking up with Satoru Gojo, if anything you were breaking your own heart.

“How do you expect me to react when my girlfriend brought me out to lunch to break up with me?!” His tone is harsh, in a way you have never heard before. You flinch at his abrasiveness, making him shrink back into his chair.

Satoru’s anger and disbelief confuse you. It was as if everyone saw the signs of this impending breakup but him. The relationship had been going downhill for some time now, how could he not see that? How could he not see what he was doing? How couldn’t he see what it was doing to you?

After a year and a half of dating, you told him, you told him you loved him and you meant it with every fiber of your soul. It had been six more months since then and he never said it back. You were understanding at first when he didn’t say it back, albeit hurt a little but you knew at least a little of his past and what he has gone through. You could understand that it may be hard for him to tell you he loved you, you knew he loved you because of the way he cared for you and that was enough.

Well, you thought it was enough. After your confession, Satoru didn’t immediately become distant, but it started with small things. He stopped texting you good morning and would only say good night. The small touches, the holding hands, and the comforting hugs became few and far between. Any time you brought it up, he would play it off like nothing was wrong, everything was fine. Then it became as if the two of you were barely even friends, it seemed he was always busy as if he never had time for you anymore. And it hurt, it hurt like hell and even then you kept pushing it off just hoping he would tell you what was going on behind those piercing blue eyes of his but he never did.

That’s what lead to today, the day of your 2 year anniversary. Truthfully, you hadn’t even planned on breaking up with him today but when you sat across from him in the same café that you had your first date at, his eyes never met yours. He didn’t hold your hand across the table, he didn’t kiss your forehead on his arrival, he wasn’t your Satoru.

You could feel the tears threatening to spill as you looked up at him, “Do you know what today is? Or why I asked you here”

His jaw tightened, “It’s Tuesday and I don’t know maybe because I’m your boyfriend and we go to this café a lot.”

Is this all a joke to you? Was he just a joke to you? He knows he hasn’t been the best boyfriend lately and that he’s been a bit distant but that wouldn’t make you break up with him. Would it? You were too kind, too patient, too pure for that, right?

“This is the café that we went to on our first date, two years ago.” You aren’t even facing him anymore when you say that, just reminiscing on a time when it felt as if you were just two kids in love. Satoru froze, not even realizing that he had forgotten. He had been trying so hard to keep you at an arm’s length after your confession that he had seemed to just push you away.  He didn’t even say anything as you turned to him, tears threatening to spill down your beautiful face at any single moment. What had he done?

“Do you even love me, Satoru?”

The question hung in the air, making his mouth go dry. He did, he loved you more than he should and that was the problem. His love for you scared him, you scared him. You didn’t know the power that you held over him; you made him weak. You were his weakness. But he was the strongest, he couldn’t afford a weakness, but he wasn’t strong enough to let you go either. Now here he was, unable to speak the words that have been written into his heart from the moment he saw you.

With a sad smile, you take his silence as your answer gathering your things and leaving you there. His heart shattered as he watched you leave out of the door, fading from his vision. Satoru’s worst fear came true, the strongest was defeated, the strongest was broken by you and it was all his own fault.

[orangechickenpillow]

"Ellie, it's me. It's me..."

"He tried to--"

"Oh baby girl"

"Joel"

"It's okay. It's okay now."

[traumatic-wildrose]

I'm not a whole person

I never will be

Parts of me died in the place I called home

Not a home, but a tomb

For the person I could have been

Instead of this loveless husk I've become

Angry at those who failed me

I've learned to embrace my anger

It's shown me so much

That my mistreatment is unacceptable

I deserve compassion, kindess, and love

But when you're not fed love as a child

Later you will lick it from knives

[themindofmine]

I just have this overflowing feeling of hopelessness about my future

[dumblr]

[brokenfrombirth]

🎵 Maybe if I hurt myself you could be the bandage. I don’t wanna ask for help, you’d call it baggage 🎵

[family-trauma]

I can totally see this in my family members who say emotionally abusive things to others at home and dismiss that they are being toxic at all. I think emotional immaturity and lack of self awareness does tend to cause people to say very toxic things and not realize or accept that what they are doing is wrong.

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The past few days have been very difficult for me. My mental health has been at an all time low leading me to stay in bed even during work hours. I realize how depressed or burnt out I have been but I also feel like I have 0 energy to get up and do anything I need to. Living in a negative and toxic environment really does bring down one's soul and energy down, to even try doing basic things to stay afloat.

Taking it 1 day at a time this week....

[vixensofdeath]

I can’t remember the last time I’ve been sober. for the last few years my addictions and impulsivities have been piling up like snow, and it’s getting worse. It used to make me happy. all of it made me happy. the act of harming myself in any way I could find was and is amazing, until it ends. some of it doesn’t feel bad, but people stare and some care, but most just find it pathetic or “a call for attention”.

I am rotting away. I am the rot, the root, the infection. I am my own biggest problem.

[princessmacabre]

day 29/100 days of productivity

morning tea & french poetry

household chores (doing the dishes, tidying up)

doing laundry 🧺

cooked lunch

wrote three important emails

workout & stretching

cooked dinner

watched Lady Chatterley’s Lover on Netflix

tiny mental breakdown because of finances and familial/financial issues with my biological father

trying really hard not to fall back into the cycles of depression.

xx