#en ruminates

[ensfortress]

When did our generation become so obsessed with the past we stopped living?

Bring back 80s fashion we say, 90s hairstyles, 2000s music.

What about 2020s? Do we have nothing to share? Nothing to show? Nothing to hold on to?

Why are we still living in the pandemic, unable to move forward? How long are we to mourn the ages we lost? How long will it take to embrace that we'll no longer be, no longer are the kids, the teens we were supposed to be?

Do we ever get out? Does the darkness ever end?

[asbestieos]

ok i need the tatsuanzu friendship to be real becos theyre both equally fucked up over their own failed revolutions to the point of never talking out their feelings and i need them to bond and understand each other like do you get me

[theflyingfeeling]

vaadin kuvaa vituiks menneestä kääryleestä

Linkin takana kääretorttuteos Särkynyt Todellisuus (Pelastakaamme Suot!)

Teos on raadollinen tulkinta ilmastonmuutoksen aiheuttamasta kuivuudesta ja sen myötä kuihtuvista lakkasoista. Silminnähtävästä latteudestaan huolimatta monikerroksinen teos voidaan tulkita joko tuhon ja kurjuuden riemuvoittona, joka imaisee sisäänsä maallisen rikkauden, tai pilkahduksena toivosta, paremmasta huomisesta, jossa todellisuuden kovaan pintaan puhjenneista raoista tihkuu lupaus uudesta elämästä.

Teoksen vaihtoehtoinen toteutus on huomattavasti alkuperäisteosta kaoottisempi, mikä lienee kuvaus taiteilijan turhautumisesta nykytilanteeseen:

[agente707]

2 days of sleeping and waking up early but it seems we are going back to the insomnia

[colormepurplex2]

Now I'm Yours | Feel It In Your Soul

↳ Alpha!Jungkook x Omega!f.Reader ⤜ A/B/O, Established Relationship/Mates ⤜ Rating: MA 🔞 ⤜ WC: 6,697 ⚠️ Vulgar language, fingering, knotting, creampie, discussion of violent acts, fighting/physical altercation, alpha challenge, knife violence/attack, blood, injury, bond sex, dick licking/oral, slick eating, biting/marking, blood/wound licking, surprise pregnancy

A/N: Read Make You Mine, the first installment of this series, here!

⇽Previous Chapter ◅ Back to story masterlist

When you meet Jungkook’s family in the garage the next morning, the sun isn't even up yet. His parents are waiting next to the large SUV that’s idling by the open door when you enter through the side entrance from the laundry room.

After a hasty shower, you threw on jeans and a t-shirt and are now helping Junghyun load the back of the vehicle with a few boxes from the storage room. The tops of the boxes are labeled with various things, mostly boasting medical supplies or nonperishable foodstuffs.

“Did Jungkook say why he wanted us to bring all of this stuff?"

Junghyun looks up at you from under his brow as he bends over to retrieve the next box, his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. “Donations. We’re going to be close to The Sanctuary, and we try to donate once a quarter if we’re able.”

This is the first you’ve heard of the Jeons donating to The Sanctuary. You’re intimately familiar with the place. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a sanctuary for abused or neglected omegas and their children. Mari was one such omega, cast aside by her original pack when she didn’t match with any of the alphas within it. It wasn’t until Roland, having just taken over as pack Alpha of your old pack, started up his own annual donations to The Sanctuary that he met Mari. Your old pack made at least a donation every six months after that, helping as many omegas and children as possible.

It’s not that you wouldn’t think the Jeons are a pack that would help those less fortunate; you’d just not given it much thought, considering you grew up thinking they were run by power-hunger alphaholes. Not that Jungkook isn’t an alphahole, he’s just…maybe not as bad as you once thought—even without the rose-tinged view you have of him now from being your mate.

The duel is taking place on neutral territory, which happens to be an old warehouse that’s been converted into a performance theatre in the entertainment district of the central city. The warehouse was renovated a few decades ago by the council when enough of the surrounding packs hounded them for a space to meet en masse.

It’s about three hour's drive, the view filled with the sun peeking over the mountains and trees with their leaves changing in preparation for winter. You sit in the passenger seat, head resting against the window while you try not to stress too much over the events of the next twenty-four hours.

“Come on, dear,” the soft voice of Jungkook’s mother drags you from your rumination. She’s leaning through the gap between the front seats, her hand lightly squeezing your shoulder. “We’re here.”

You hadn’t even realized the vehicle had stopped and that Junghyun and Jungkook’s father had gotten out already. 

“Sorry,” you mutter, popping open the door and sliding out.

She meets you along the side of the SUV, a concerned look pinching her brow. “Are you feeling okay?”

Now that she mentions it, you are feeling a bit off-kilter. Though, it’s probably just the nerves. “Just worried, that’s all,” you explain, pressing a hand against your stomach.

“Did you skip breakfast?” she asks, hooking her arm around your other one and slowly leading you to where Junghyun and his father stand near the elevator of the parking garage.

Breakfast was the last thing on your mind this morning. “Yeah. I’ll be okay, though.”

“Nonsense,” she tuts, producing a whole-grain protein bar from the bag slung over her other shoulder. “You’ll feel better with something in your stomach. Now, let’s go find my son. Being near your alpha will do you a dose of good, as well.”

You nibble on the protein bar, looking to simply placate her, but find yourself suddenly ravenous and consume the whole thing in three bites. It sits like lead in your belly, and you immediately regret wolfing it down so quickly.

“This foolish display will start at precisely noon, not long now,” Jungkook’s father states, the clip of his cane hitting the linoleum flooring of the elevator echoing the disapproval that’s evident in his voice.

Junghyun presses the button that’s labeled ‘theatre hall’ on the control panel and the cabled car begins a swift ascent up to the fifth floor. You caught sight of Jungkook's motorcycle in the parking garage, sitting next to Jimin’s red sports car. A few other familiar vehicles lined the rows, but there were dozens more you didn’t recognize.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you feel a familiar humming warmth bloom in the center of your chest. It’s the same feeling you’ve learned to associate with being nearer to Jungkook. Peeking at your phone, you see it’s a message from the alpha, letting you know he’s waiting for you just on the other side of the elevator doors.

“There you are,” Jungkook exhales, not even waiting for you to get off the elevator before he’s gathering you into his arms. His scent engulfs you, immediately putting you at ease. Jungkook is all alpha, and as much as you hate to admit it, he’s exactly what you need; your stomach and nerves are instantly soothed.

Jungkook’s father clears his throat, drawing Jungkook’s attention. “What news do you have?”

Jungkook sighs, releasing most of his hold on you, but keeps an arm over your shoulders and ushers you out of the elevator and into the hall. “Most all the other families have arrived. Jimin is with Daehyun now. I haven’t managed to lay my eyes on either Raiden or Demetrius. According to the council, they’re supposed to be in the eastern dressing rooms. I have seen Kiel skulking around the halls, though, creepy bastard.”

“Have you seen Hyunsoo?” Jungkook nods in answer to his father’s question. “I’d like to have a word with him.”

“Last I saw him, he was inside speaking with the council.”

“Perfect, I could do with a word for them, too,” Jungkook’s father grumbles before starting toward the entrance to the performance hall proper. Junghyun follows closely behind, after dipping his chin at Jungkook. You’ve never seen Jungkook get bent out of shape over designation deference, as some alphas do. He doesn’t force those below him to bow and scrape; he just asks for as much respect as he affords them in exchange. It’s just another tick you’ve had to add to your ‘Jungkook isn’t as bad as I once thought’ list.

“Are you feeling okay?” Jungkook asks softly, his eyes flicking between yours.

You do feel much better now that you’re with him, which would normally grate on you, but you can’t seem to muster up the typical ire for some reason. “I’ll be fine,” you assure him. “Just nerves.” That seems to satisfy him.

“Come on, let’s go before Dad causes too much of a scene.”

“Umm, I’ll be right there. I’m just going to go to the restroom real quick.”

He continues to stare at you for a moment longer before slowly nodding. “Okay. Mom, we’ll be right back—”

“No, no. It’s okay, you don’t have to come with—”

“Jungkook,” his mom interrupts you both, giving her son an amused smile. “She might be your omega, but I promise she doesn’t need you to hold her hand while she uses the restroom. I’ll wait here for her. You go on ahead with your father and Junghyun.”

Pink creeps up Jungkook’s neck and kisses his ears. “Right. Okay. I’ll see you inside,” he mumbles, pressing a quick kiss to your temple before reluctantly taking his arm from across your shoulders and heading toward the door his father and brother disappeared through.

“Thank you,” you say to his mom. “I’ll be right back.”

You’ve only been here a handful of times over the years for various events, but you’re able to follow the signs well enough to the restrooms located on this side of the venue. However, when you get there, the door is locked, and there is a janitorial wet-floor sign posted right outside.

It’s just your luck, right as you’re starting to feel a light wave of nausea wash over you. Taking a few deep breaths to try and calm your inner omega, who isn’t helping the situation at all, you turn to retreat back to where Jungkook’s mom is waiting for you a few halls over. Maybe she’ll have something that can calm your warring stomach and nerves.

“I can break the lock if you need to get in there,” a voice calls out from further down the hall just as you take a step to go back. “You look like you need it.”

You swivel toward the voice but can only make out the silhouette of someone standing in a darkened doorway a few doors down. They pull out a phone, and the blue light illuminates the ceiling for a moment before it’s plunged back into darkness. “I’m fine, thanks.”

“You don’t look fine to me.” The words come with a chuckle that slithers over your senses and sets you on high alert. You’ve heard that voice before. “If fact, you look like a helpless little omega that’s about to sick up all over the floor.”

That’s a thought. You might just do that, considering who steps out from that doorway, the face fitting with the name screaming inside your head. Kiel Barton. He’s every inch the viperous bastard he’s known to be. Despite being not much taller than you, he’s thicker through each arm and leg than both of yours combined. His bald head glints in the overhead light, and the jagged scar on his right cheek is bright white against his red-flushed face. He swaggers into the hallway, just a few feet away, twirling a switchblade through his thick fingers.

“I’m not helpless,” you seethe through your teeth. You don’t necessarily mean for the words to come out so aggressively, but they do. Years of not taking shit from anyone don’t seem to have worn off too much from your time of being mated with Jungkook. And if it’s one thing you’ve always hated, it’s how everyone thinks omegas are weak and soft—helpless without an alpha.

Kiel grins, and it reminds you of something you might see in a horror film right before the psycho killer attacks. “Oh, sweet, sweet omega,” he crows before sucking in a deep lungful of air, “I don’t think you realize just how helpless you are right now.”

You’re about to turn on your heel and run when he leaps. It’s like a strike of lightning; he moves so fast—faster than your reflexes can keep up with. Pain thunders through you as his burly form knocks into you and sends you hurtling a few feet down the hall to land in a heap on the floor.

He’s back on you in an instant, cold steel pressed against your neck. “Get off me!” you scream, trying your best to buck him off despite the disorienting feeling still reeling inside your head.

“I promised my brother as long as he did his part, I would do mine,” Kiel sing-songs in a demented tone, his words trailing off into another one of those spine-chilling chuckles. 

“Fuck you!” You struggle under his weight, your knees and elbows trying to get any purchase along his thick-muscled body that they can. You manage to catch him along the neck with your hand, nails scoring bloody lines through the devil tattoo he has there.

An ear-splitting roar, the sound of loud banging, and running feet sound from somewhere down the hall, making Kiel’s laughter trail off. “Looks like my time to play is—” A small, sneakered foot meets the side of his ribs, turning his words into a grunt. The hit barely rocks him, but you can’t be sure of who it is, though, around his bulk.

“Get off of her, you snake!” snarls a familiar feminine voice, only it’s dripping with far more acid than you’ve ever heard before.

“FUCK! I don’t have time for this!” Kiel thunders, rearing back and bringing a fist around right into your temple, sending you careening into hazy darkness.

There is so much noise and movement that when you first come to, you think you’re dreaming. But then the very real pain lights up along your side, and you’re reminded that this is very much not a dream. You’re laying on the floor in the hallway outside the bathroom, side smarting hard from the impact of hitting the floor and the memory of a meaty fist stark in your mind.

You go to sit up, only to have your hand slip through a puddle of warm, sticky liquid. The scent hits you a second later, thick and metallic. “Oh gods,” you whimper softly. Your hand is bright red when you bring it up in front of your face.

“Please,” comes an even more pitiful whimper from beside you. Adrenaline kicks in, and you flip onto your hands and knees, letting your eyes swing over the scene around you.

A dozen bodies are packed in the hall, fists flying and mouths opened in concussive bellows. It’s pandemonium. Everyone is fighting, familiar faces and those of strangers alike. All the sounds combined make you want to crawl into a corner and cover your ears, but the form lying beside you keeps you right where you are.

Jungkook’s mom lies on the floor. Her body turned at an odd angle, with her hips going one way and her torso the other as if she was flung around like a ragdoll. You realize the whimpering is coming from her. She lifts a trembling hand toward you, and you grab onto it, crawling closer to kneel beside her.

The blood covering your hand, now seeping through the knees of your jeans, is coming from her. A familiar-looking switchblade is protruding from the upper right area of her chest, between her clavicle and shoulder, and there is a cut over her left eyebrow that blood is steadily oozing from.

“No, no, no!” You quickly rip off a strip from the bottom of your t-shirt and press it around the blade, trying to staunch the wound. The cut above her brow doesn’t look deep; all the blood is a bit alarming, but you know headwounds are the worst in being deceptive; they bleed so much. You’re also scared to take your hands away from her chest. “What did you do?”

Her eyes flicker open, rolling wide until they land on you. “Had to”—she pauses, whimpering in pain as someone stumbles backward and knocks into her splayed legs—”pr-protect the baby.”

“Protect the–protect the wh—”

“NO!” The alpha roar echoes through the hall, as loud as a thunderclap.

In the same instant that your hands are moved aside and replaced by the older, more gnarled ones of her mate, arms come around you from behind and you’re lifted up off the floor. Fear grips your throat, and you flail, aiming your elbow backward at whoever grabbed you.

“Stop, calm down!” Jungkook’s voice snaps you out of your fight instinct, and you sag in his arms. The fighting around you has turned into pockets of isolated struggle.

You blink a few times, clearing the panicked haze from your eyes, finally able to piece everything together. There are a few busted lips and some already swelling eyes, but there are at least a handful of familiar faces around you. Each one is executing some form of hold over individuals with less familiar faces; headlocks, arm bars, and others that look just as effective, if maybe more painful.

Then there is the scene at your feet, right out of a horror movie. Jungkook’s dad and brother are kneeling beside his mom, the knife still sticking out of her chest. It looks like the blood has stopped pooling around the blade, but you can’t seem to remember if that’s a good or a bad sign.

“Jungkook! Your mom, we need a medic!” you urge, struggling in his arms again.

A sinister, wet, cackling laugh cuts through the hushed din of the hallway before it turns into a hacking cough. You can hear the distinct sound of flesh hitting flesh and pained grunts.

”Shut up, you sick bastard!” The ragged cry comes from further down the hallway, where you see Seokjin with his arms wrapped around Kiel’s upper torso and Yoongi throwing fists into his stomach. “How dare you!?”

“Yoongi.” Jungkook doesn’t have to raise his voice at all. The other alpha stops, fist poised mid-punch, his shoulders heaving. “That’s enough.” The coldness in Jungkook’s tone has the hairs on the back of your neck prickling. You’ve never heard him sound so utterly emotionless. “For now.”

Pounding footsteps sound from the other end of the hall, and a few betas come skidding into view, medical bags in hand. “Out of the way!” one of the betas shouts, shouldering his way down the hall before dropping down beside Junghyun and beginning to work. “I need to get her stabilized before we can move her.”

Everything is still a bit cloudy for you; all you have are flits and flashes of memory, but it’s not hard to piece it together. Kiel came after you outside the bathroom, and then Jungkook’s mom tried to interfere. “Is she, is she going to be okay?” you ask, voice soft, your lips trembling around the question.

Jungkook hooks an arm under the backs of your legs and hoists you up against his chest, and you get your first good look at his face. There is a dribble of blood coming from the corner of his mouth and mild swelling coming up around his left eye.

He’s about to open his mouth to say something when a group of grey-haired alphas cut around the corner at the end of the hall, and the one in the front gasps dramatically, “Good gods! What has happened?” You groan at the loud sound, burying your face into Jungkook’s chest.

“This is what happens when you entertain absurd demands from a known trouble-making pack,” Jungkook’s father states with barely veiled malice.

“This is your mess,” Jungkook says, directing attention to the elders shuffling their feet at the end of the hall. His words are acerbic despite him speaking at a normal volume. It’s an alpha statement, carrying the cutting edge of an unspoken command. The entire hallway stills, the air thick with tension.

“Our mess?”

“If you had listened to me from the start about how utterly ridiculous this whole duel bullshit was, this”—he nods down at his mother, who is still being worked on by the betas—”wouldn’t have happened. I’ll have all of you off the council before the week is over, mark my words,” he seethes. “And, if she doesn’t recover fully, I’ll have more than just your titles. Yoongi, Seokjin, you know what to do.” With that, Jungkook turns and stalks down the hall, carrying you with him.

🌙🌙🌙

Jungkook

There is so much rage simmering beneath Jungkook’s skin that he thinks he might explode if he doesn’t let it out somehow. However, the only outlet he wants right now is you—to get lost in your body and your soul—but you’re in no state to take the brunt of his emotions.

“Jungkook.” Your soft voice draws his gaze down to your face. Seeing the swelling around your eye makes him want to turn around and finish what Yoongi was starting. Jungkook isn’t violent, but he could level the entire city right now if he weren’t so focused on getting you checked out. You bring a hand up and lightly trace the break in his lip. “What happened?”

“Raiden and Demetrius. I think this was their plan all along. One minute, Father and I were talking to the council while we waited, and the next, Raiden and Demetrius, along with a half dozen of their pack, came bursting into the theatre and attacked us.” Jungkook sighs, shaking his head. “I felt you, I felt the…” the trails off, not wanting to voice those feelings aloud. The pure terror he felt through his mate connection to you. The tie between the two of you has never really been an open street, he’s never been able to feel your emotions so viscerally before. It was almost enough to take him to his knees. If he didn’t need to fight off a pack of rabid alphas, it nearly might have. “I’m sorry,” Jungkook rasps.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. We knew they were up to no good. I should have been more vigilant or, at least, taken you up on your offer to escort me to the restroom.” You try to laugh, but it turns into a groan as your head pounds.

“Let’s get you to the hospital so they can check you over.”

No amount of protests from you will deter Jungkook from getting you to a doctor. Junghyun texts him shortly after he places you in the backseat of the SUV, letting Jungkook know that everyone else is on their way to the hospital and an ambulance is en route to get their mother but that the betas are hopeful.

Several hours later, you’ve been released from the hospital with confirmation of no lasting damage, just a recommendation to get some rest. Jungkook’s lip is patched with a butterfly stitch, per your insistence, and it itches as he sits on the edge of the bed in the hotel room he booked before leaving the hospital. Even though you aren’t concussed or anything, Jungkook didn’t want to risk taking you all the way back to pack lands.

Besides, his mother was admitted and is still there for observation, and he doesn’t feel comfortable being too far away while she’s in recovery. She went in for surgery immediately upon arrival and woke up not too long ago. Junghyun and their father are staying at the hospital with her until she’s cleared to go home, which will hopefully not be more than a few days. Apparently, her wounds looked worse than they were, and she was fortunate Kiel didn’t get her an inch further to either side. Otherwise, it might be a very different outcome.

Jimin texted him a bit ago, letting him know the entire Barton pack is being detained at the local precinct, and the authorities are awaiting word from Jungkook about charges. The council sequestered themselves behind closed doors, but the duel was considered null due to the circumstances. Jimin feels bad about being part of the ruse, even if he was just being used as a means to get close to the Jeon pack.

It’s come to light that the Bartons decided to use their feud with the Parks because they knew the Jeons wouldn’t sit idly by. One big, elaborate plan, all to get close to Jungkook’s Luna and try to tear down the hierarchy. If Jungkook lost his Soulmate, he’d lose his foundation of power as well. Or so, that’s what the buzz was when some of the Barton betas were interrogated, according to Jimin.

Jungkook knows everything is going to be okay, that you’re going to be okay; the doctor told him as much. But, despite that assurance, he can’t seem to relax. You’re curled up in the bed, facing him, and you look so peaceful, even with the swelling on the side of your face, but all he can feel is rage when he sees that…rage and so much guilt.

He never should have let you go to the restroom on your own. If he has his way, he’s never going to let you out of his sight again. It’s such an alarming realization, going from one polar sensation to the next. The fact he could give two shits less about you just a few months ago, and now here he is wanting to murder someone for touching you, is hard to wrap his head around.

Yet, here he is, fisting the edge of one of the blankets as he battles this feeling inside himself. The fact his alpha has been mostly silent since Jungkook laid eyes on you in that hallway is just as alarming. It’s almost like his alpha is giving him space. For the first time since coming into his designation, he feels like a giant void separates him from his alpha; he doesn’t like it.

There’s also the pile of papers sitting on the desk, a few feet away, that hold another key bit of information that won’t let him relax. It was standard testing, just something to help rule other things out and see what kinds of tests they could and could not perform to assess your head.

You’re pregnant.

Now that he knows, Jungkook can tell. There is a distinct, underlying change to your scent. It’s sweeter somehow, more alluring in the sense that you now smell partly like him. He should have known before. He knows that if he hadn’t spent so much time away from you, he would have realized it sooner.

You were surprised, but your shock seemed more subdued. When questioned, you told Jungkook what his mother had said to you. Somehow, even his mother knew before he did. Jungkook feels like a failure, like he’s done nothing right by you. It had to have happened the night of your designation celebration. Neither of you had bothered with any preventative measures that night, too lost in the touch and feel of each other to care.

And now, here you are, pregnant without a bite on your neck and a knot on the side of your head. If anything were to have happened to the baby…Jungkook isn’t sure he can even think about that right now. Not without wanting to put his fist through the wall.

He’s spent weeks worried about staying away from you when all along, he was clearly concerned about all the wrong things. The doctor assured him that even the most attentive of alphas take several weeks before they can smell their own child in the womb. But that doesn’t make Jungkook feel any better.

He thinks back on all the curt and what he thought were nagging messages he had gotten from his mother the last few weeks and can see them in a different light now. She wasn’t just trying to chastise him about his duty; she was trying to coax him home so he could be there for his mate in a way he should have from the start.

Jungkook knows what he needs to do now. There is no question about it. Though, it’s not because he feels obligated…no, he truly wants to solidify that bond with you. As soon as you’re ready, he’s going to offer himself to you, finally and fully.

“Jungkook, are you okay?” your sweet voice breaks him out of his thoughts and makes him release his tight hold on the sheets.

Your eyes look so big and bright even in the dim light of the hotel room as you sleepily blink up at him. How he never wanted to give himself over to you so completely before now marks him as a sure fool.

He sighs, exhaling a slow breath. “Yeah. How are you feeling?”

You stretch, wincing only slightly as your arm brushes along the side of your face. “Better, I think.”

“Can we talk?” he asks after a pause of silence.

You give him a guarded look as you slowly sit up and gather some of the blankets in your lap. The doctor told him you might start feeling the need to nest and gather comfort items, so he had specifically requested the Omega suite, which comes with complimentary brand-new fuzzy blankets and extra pillows that guests are allowed to take home when checking out.

“Sure,” you finally say.

Jungkook watches as emotions cross your face, echoing the pulse he can feel emanating from his chest. His alpha perks up, rousing for the first time in hours it feels like.

“Okay.” Now that he’s been given the go-ahead to talk, he’s suddenly feeling very self-conscious and uncertain. “I know you told me I don’t need to apologize, but I’m going to anyway.” Your lips form a thin line when he says that, so he hurries to continue, “Not for”—he gestures vaguely in your direction—”but for everything else. I want to apologize for everything before this. The way I’ve treated you and how I’ve acted. You’ve deserved better than what I’ve offered you these last few weeks—for being an asshole and a fucking dick,” Jungkook uses your own choice of words for him, and that earns him a small smile from you.

“I want to apologize, too, then. And before you can protest”—Jungkook was 100% about to—”just let me finish. Sure, you’ve not been the greatest the last few weeks, but I know I haven’t either. I should have tried harder, fought you on you being gone all the time, stood up for what I wan–er, needed, and been honest with how it was making me feel.”

Jungkook shakes his head, unable to believe how you’ve yet again turned the tables on him. “I, uh, there’s something that…there’s something I want to do,” Jungkook barely manages to get the words out as anxiety spikes at the prospect of you refusing.

“What is it?”

The look of intrigue on your face turns into pure shock as Jungkook prostrates himself on the bed in front of you, deliberately turning his head to expose the side of his neck to you, an act of submission. “I’m giving myself to you, wholly and completely. All those weeks ago, I claimed you and made you mine, and…now I’m yours.”

🌙🌙🌙

You stare at Jungkook, not sure what to say. “I-I don’t need,” you begin, reaching for Jungkook and encouraging him to sit up, “you to do that. You don’t have to bend to me…as long as you promise never to make me bend to you either.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I’ll never force you to be something that you’re not ever again. I’m sorry I didn’t realize this sooner, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you asked to come with me to Jimin’s. From now on, I’ll listen to you, and I’ll not dismiss your concerns or voice. I don’t want you to feel like you’re beneath me simply because you’re my mate. I want you as my equal instead.”

The truth behind Jungkook’s words is evident in the fervent way he delivers them but also in the way your omega mews in satisfaction. A bite for a bite, an equal. Even though you wouldn’t be leaving a permanent mark on his neck like he will on yours, it’s still the intention, and it’s completely unheard of in your world. There are stories, myths, really…but nothing wholly substantial.

You shift on the bed, gathering your knees underneath you. Your jeans went into the trash, and all the hospital had was a thin pair of shorts and a t-shirt for you to wear. You fluff out the blankets absently as you mull over his words. “Your equal?”

“Yes,” Jungkook resolutely declares.

“I think I would like that,” you whisper, eyeing Jungkook’s mouth with a quickly burning hunger.

“Are you sure?” Jungkook asks, swallowing hard as you lean in closer to him. “If you need more time to think, that’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” you counter, raising a questioning eyebrow.

Jungkook responds by kissing you hard on the mouth, wrapping his arms around you, and dragging you against his chest. He tastes like home; his tongue is warm and wet against yours, and you’re certain you could drown in the sensation if he let you. But, he comes up for air, breaking the kiss for a moment before pressing open-mouthed kisses along your jaw.

Even with the aches in your face and body, you respond to him. With every teasing nip of his mouth, you feel yourself growing wet. The fragrant cream of your slick blooms in the air, melding with his masculine and spicy scent to create the perfect, heady bouquet.

“I’ve never been more sure about something,” Jungkook whispers the affirmation between kisses until his warm breath ghosts over the scent mark on your neck. “You smell so damn good,” he groans.

You can feel his lips part over the skin there; his tongue laves out and swipes up the side of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. With trembling hands, you help each other discard your clothing, finally coming back together skin to skin. Jungkook pulls you into his lap, his thick cock sitting snugly against your ass. You can feel the bulge of his knot already as if his body is automatically responding to just your closeness.

“You can say stop at any time,” you tell him, earning a surprised grunt when you shove him back against the pillows and deliberately slide your ass slowly over his cock as you move backward.

There is a challenge in his eyes as you meet them. You move until you’re kneeling between his knees, cock sitting prettily before you. “Where, ah,” Jungkook sucks in a stilted breath when you take the head of his cock into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, “did you want to?” Pink tinges Jungkook’s ears as he looks down at you, mouth full of him. You tap the inside of his thigh and raise your brows in silent question. “O-okay, just…just be gentle.”

That makes you chuckle, the vibration coming up your throat, and you can tell it sends a shock through Jungkook; his head drops back, and his mouth opens with a loud moan. “Gentle says the man about to put a permanent bite on my neck. An act that is none too gentle, I might add,” you say, letting his cock slip out from between your lips.

“Okay, that’s fair,” he relents, his words breathy as you trace along the underside of his dick with your tongue. “Be as aggressive as you want, then.”

Feeling egged on just a little by that declaration, you plant your teeth firmly into the meat of his inner thigh and bite as hard as you dare. Your teeth pinprick his skin, and the metallic tang of blood leeches onto your tongue. Jungkook grunts; his whole body shivers against your mouth.

“Was that okay?” you ask tentatively once you’ve pulled back to admire the twin crescent impressions you left behind. There isn’t that much blood. The two small wounds from your teeth are already clotted.

Jungkook lets out a heavy exhale as his body finally relaxes back against the bed. His cock twitches beside your face, producing a thick string of pre-cum that has your mouth watering for a taste.

“That was,” he pants, “hot as fuck.”

Pride fills you, and your body kindly reminds you with an intense throb in your clit, how much it turns you on when Jungkook talks like that. “Your turn,” you urge, desperate to get his teeth on your skin and his cock in your pussy.

Jungkook growls his approval, letting his alpha strength take over, and maneuvers you easily into a kneeling position in front of him. Using a gentle hand in your hair, he pulls you up until your back is pressed against his chest, giving him unfettered access to the front of your body while being able to tease your clit with the tip of his length.

“Are you ready for me?” he asks, using the hand in your hair to angle your head sideways so he can lick along the side of your neck. “Let’s see.” His other hand slides down the front of your body, tweaking your nipples on the way, until his middle finger grazes over your swollen, aching clit.

“Don’t tease me,” you say between clenched teeth. Your omega adds her indignation to your own, making your words come out laced with additional grit.

“I just want a little taste,” Jungkook whispers as he hooks his finger lower and massages it along your slit, collecting a generous amount of slick as he does so. You watch as his finger comes up and disappears beside your face.

The wet laving sound of Jungkook sucking his finger sends a shudder through you. You reach down with your hands, cupping Jungkook’s cock in one and using the other to part the lips of your pussy so you can fit him against your entrance. “Fuuuck,” you drawl out as the broad head of his cock slides in.

“I love the way your pussy tastes,” Jungkook moans, dropping his hand to your hip and using it to guide your ass back against him, forcing him deeper. “It’s almost as good as how it feels.”

His fingers prod along your hip, sliding until his palm rests over your lower belly. You whimper, rocking your hips the best you can, and place your hand over his. “How do I look?” you ask. “You once told me I’d look so pretty once I was pregnant with your pup. Do you still think that?”

“You are,” he starts, “the single most”—he emphasizes the words with long, rolling strokes of his cock that have his knot kissing your lower lips with every forward motion—”beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Even before I fucked you raw and knocked you up.” The beautiful, endearing words contrast so wildly with the dirty confession he tacks on at the end. Proving once again that Jungkook knows exactly how to wind you up and have you begging for more.

“Prove it,” you goade, intentionally dipping your head to the side to expose your neck further to him.

The moment his teeth touch your skin, you both freeze. It lasts only a second, the time it takes for them to sink into the tender expanse of your scent gland. It’s like a double punch to the gut; you can feel it all the way in your soul. The bond snaps into place the same instant Jungkook fits his knot inside you, and you explode, disintegrating into a million tiny little points of pleasure.

Your body opens for him, both physically and mentally. What was once a small trickle of feeling now becomes a deluge of intensity. You’re vaguely aware of Jungkook groaning as he meets his own release, throbbing heavily within your walls. You can feel him beneath your skin, feel the way your own body is wrapped so tightly around his knot, and the infinite pleasure that’s flooding through both of your systems.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jungkook mumbles against your neck, his teeth finally pulling free from your skin. “I can feel everything.”

It’s hard to tell where he begins, and you end. There is a sense of middling permanence, the perfect balance between alpha and omega. You once feared that submitting to him completely would change you in some cataclysmic way. And, it has…only, you don’t feel damned. In fact, it’s far more empowering than you ever thought possible.

Jungkook brushes his tongue along the fresh bite, tending to your wound in a tender way that has you slumping over. He follows you down, gently rutting his hips, which forces his knot to rub and grate inside of you, flooding you with another luscious rush of dopamine, like a second orgasm.

“Jungkook?” you ask, trying not to fall asleep as he continues to nuzzle your neck, and his knot keeps you secured so close to his warm body.

“Hmm?” he hums. Jungkook settles you both on your side, holding you against his chest with one hand and stroking and petting with soft, sensual strokes along every inch of your body that he can reach with the other.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I promise never to make you doubt me ever again. You are my soulmate, my Luna…the mother of my child. You are my everything.”

And just as Jungkook said, he made you his, and now he’s yours. Forever.

⇽Previous Chapter ◅ Back to story masterlist

◅ Back to Master List ©️    2024-02-14    ColorMePurplex2  

[zoropookie]

HOW HATERS ARE BORN (HHAB)

♡ chapter twenty-six — br(ok)en (💋)

You stared at your phone light up for the twelfth time within five minutes with a dull expression.

Admittedly, you felt angrier knowing that Scaramouche still had the audacity to even text you after everything. After tormenting you for years and years, what kind of shame should someone feel after that, you wonder. The relentless pursuit of making your life miserable—to which he failed at, but it did make you wonder.

Did you do something to deserve it? Each notification felt like another jab that he took to the heart, reopening your wounds from each time he said something messed up to you. As you laid there motionless, with no light ruminating in the room except your phone, you began to feel tears well up in your eyes for the thirteenth time today.

Pursing your lips, you swiped up to read the messages and only felt reminded even further of every harsh word he said. Every cruel taunt, every moment of humiliation...and yet...

He was still right, despite being the biggest hypocrite known to man. And it pissed you off.

Why were you even laying here? Ignoring the world, rotting here like you're a vegetable. You knew that you were something to people, you knew that you were valued.

There wasn’t anything that was particularly motivating for you to get up, however. You ignored every need that you could have possibly wanted, subjecting yourself to sparseness. No matter how much you wanted to, the thoughts always came back and you didn’t know how to deal with them.

A small knock echoed from the front door. It was loud enough to hear, and you still shoved your head in the pillow and hoped it went away.

The longer time you went without answering it, the knocks became more frequent. It wasn’t Thoma, that’s who you could observe without getting up.

You finally managed to drag yourself out of bed, lazing about sounded so much nicer now that you were dreading who’s at the door. With a frustrated sigh, and irritation already to its peak of your heart, you opened the door to a familiar-ish face.

Little girl?

“Did you forget that you exist?” She said with a smile. “Welcome back to Earth! I didn’t know how long you’d be cooped up in here so I brought treats.”

You stared a bit longer than you meant to at the Tupperware of Asafiri in her hands, momentarily taken aback. “Heh?”

“Yanfei sent me here. Looks like you’re having a little bit of trouble getting back on your feet. I take it you know her?” She inquired.

“Yeah.” You blinked slowly, before holding the door a little wider. “Uh…come in, I guess. Thanks for the…treats.” You cringed. “Wow, I get why Heizou keeps being called a creep now, this can look so wrong.”

“The difference is that he does it to himself.”

The warm water on your body was oddly refreshing.

Getting out of the shower was harder knowing that you'd come back to the gust of wind in your living room, but knowing you had fresher pajamas on was also a plus. Things didn't look too great on your mental, especially since you were accustomed to showering a lot in your fresher mind.

You put on the Lightning McQueen slippers you quite often wear, and moved to the kitchen after hearing soft chops of a knife. You wondered what Nahida was up to, staring at her cut apples and bananas before putting them into a huge bowl she found in your cupboard.

"This is a very odd fruit salad you're making." You drew attention to yourself before her eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know whether or not to tell you to be careful with knives."

"I'm smarter than you think I am." Nahida cooed. "I'm used to people being condescending."

"Oh...I'm sorry— You're killing me here, kid. Lady? Are you a child or not?" You asked desperately.

Nahida turned to you, her saturated green eyes stared at you with obviously deliberate thoughts roaming her head before she took a sharp breath. She pointed the knife at you. "Do you feel better?"

"Not...really? I mean, it happened. All of this at once." You tried to process it quicker, but your head failed you. It's like how you actually felt in the moment was blocked. "I feel like I'm in limbo, I don't want to see the sun these days."

"Your thoughts are your biggest enemy right now. Easy to overthink. It's a lot to deal with on your own, good thing you aren't, right?" Nahida lowered the knife, her expression softening. "I cut you up some fresh fruit. It's better than the Asafiri for now, you don't need that much sugar after not eating for a while, or you'll crash hard. And get a headache."

Looking at the bowl loaded with bananas and slices of apples, you couldn't help but wonder why you were even granted this much care anyway. You were in mild disbelief, sitting down at the island counter in front of Nahida. "Why are you actually here?" You said in defeat.

Nahida stopped cutting the fruit, gaze shifting from it to you. She couldn't find what she could say to answer you, but she did press her lips together. "Do you want me to be honest?"

"A little." Your voice lowered.

"Yanfei and Heizou," Nahida paused, trying to find her words, "They wanted to see if I could convince you to start streaming again."

You frowned immediately. "Oh. Thanks for being honest."

"You made progress today, but I don't expect you to be up to it. It's a really big step." She asked you, but you couldn't even decipher the intentions behind her eyes. It was impossible to detect what anybody was thinking nowadays. "They just told me to come over so they can hope their investigation moves."

You sighed, leaning back in your chair once you felt the bitterness course your body again. Hearing that made your mood possibly worse than what it would've been if you were in bed. "Not happening. Thanks for checking on me though, you can leave if you want."

"I knew you'd say that. I guess it's fair, people are...going crazy right now figuring out whether you're okay or not." Nahida smiled once you looked back up at her. "Both Scaramouche and your fans are trying to get anything they can on your wellbeing. It's better to wait it out."

Your hopeful face turned into a sullen one, shoulders slumped at the mention of his name. "I don't know if I can even go back at all."

"I'm not sure how hard this is for you, but with what happened, you've obviously been through enough. While it's your choice to go back, Yanfei is under the impression that you can get revenge." The shorter girl explained. "In my eyes, though...I think you're able to decide that for yourself."

You felt the weight of the memories heavily, your head daunting enough for you to let out a shaky breath. "You think so?"

Nahida nodded, humming, "You don't have to stream, but don't give him the satisfaction if you're upset. You shouldn't let him know that you're suffering because of what he did. The worst thing that you can do is prove him right."

Funnily enough, as soon as she said that, you felt tears well up in your eyes again. It struck a cord, and you knew she was right. It was just knowing that anybody would say it verbatim. "That's the same thing he told me too." You blinked back your tears, more resilient than you were a few minutes ago, but also to the brim of misery.

"He?"

You shook your head, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. "Thanks," You muttered, choking on your words. You couldn't manage to say anything else, otherwise you'd betray your steely posture. "I'll think about it. Just...stay here a little more with me, please. Maybe I'll...find the resolve or something."

previous ♡ masterlist ♡ next

YOU ARE on your way to being one of the hottest streamer in your nation at the moment, racking a monthly average of 10 million viewers, but something specific bothers you about it. you know that a lot of people hate you, but there's this one account. one account that's been following you since the early days of your career. they leave a flood of rude comments in your stream, your moderators banned each account they made, but they keep making more. you are at the end of your tether. but you are yet to find out that this persistent cockroach is none other than your friend's friend (and the only other streamer that's bigger than you), scaramouche.

taglist ♡ @thystarsshine @veekoko @gumickajolli @simonisferal @kamiboo

@justpeachyteastea @feiherp @pinkismyfavcolor @aether-darling @kunisnaomi

@keiiqq @mine-lu @featuredtofu @danhenglovebot @k4zushi

@kyon-cherri @b4tm4nn @iiinaurate @quacking-simp @auroratumbles

@kookiibun @ulquiorraswife @amvpk01 @simplysm1le @h3xi2g0n3

@alatusorrow @scaranthropy @mellowberrie @magica-ren @vernith

@kabukipookie @bananasquash @suqarlaced @dellalyra @lightyagamifan

@yourfavoritefreakyhan @heartsforseo @yomishen @pwushizz @swivy123

@strxwberryfetish @ibyobi @ashfrommars4 @chemiru @ainnofinway

@agaygothicmushroom @levianamor @dragontammerz @wth121 @lylovw

@morgyyyyyyy @lovemari @suniika @melpomenelurks @yumejo89 @liuaneee

@franaby @tiddieshakeshownu (bold users means i'm having trouble tagging you)

[mystcirrus]

hii! may i request akira kurusu x female reader where the reader wears akira’s clothing or shirt and he catches her wearing them? ( romantic ) :D have a good day 💓

It is criminal how long this has been in the drafts :( I apologise anon yet I hope you enjoy

Exchange

⭐️ akira x reader

Despite being the leader of the most renowned group of thieves in the world, Akira arguably had the most humble dress sense out of all the members. Only rocking his designer glasses, the rest of his attire remained honest and simple, perhaps out of habit to avoid standing out so much.

You had desperately tried to convince him to give you some of his clothing yet you were only met with a dismissive “next time”, or “they’re dirty”. Ascending the stairs of Leblanc’s attic, you scanned the familiar space for Akira’s presence to give him the pastries he so eagerly asked for on your way to the cafe.

Setting the goods on his organised crafting table, a flash of blue caught your attention amongst the bleakness of his room; at the edge of his bed sat an unfolded collared shirt practically calling your name.

You peeked your head down the stairs, double-checking the boy was nowhere to be seen and that Sojiro was still busy dealing with the strangely high volume of customers that seemed to be making a whole lot of noise over something.

“I mean, he’ll never know right?” you affirmed, holding onto the collar of the shirt. You layer it on over your already light vest top, covering up the printed design as you button up the seemingly inexpensive attire. Was he going somewhere tonight? It was quite unbecoming of him to leave his things about; perhaps he was in a rush. Your ruminations came to an end when you crossed the room to the mirror and admired your impromptu costume change.

You twisted your torso in the mirror, ogling the back side of the pressed shirt. “Well I’ll be damned. Boy’s got style I’ll give it to him.”

“Thank… you?”

Your head snapped towards the staircase, face slack jawed and dancing between horror and disbelief. Lo and behold, there Akira stood, barely moving himself as he takes in the scene before him.

“Welcome back?” Perhaps if you don’t mention it he won’t either. His previous dismissive nature on the subject admittedly made the situation more anxiety-inducing. But even in your shocked state you still notice the blush settling on his cheeks as he gives you a once-over.

Clearing his throat he walks deeper into his room. “I see someone’s gotten comfy already.”

His unrelenting gaze is not helping. At all. He’s just standing there with a stupid expression on his face that makes your heart rate do things it should be. You’re finding it hard to string a response together but manage to muster enough composure to bring explaining.

“I was just dropping off the stuff you asked for, and then I saw this on the bed and I kinda felt compelled to try it on.. sorry? I’ll take it off right now-“

“That won’t be necessary,” he begins, closing the distance between you two. “It looks great. You look great.” You raise your head to meet his eyes as he places a hand to the side of your face, the heat radiating from it making you feel slightly less embarrassed as his temperature was definitely higher than it usually is.

“Thanks…” you say. His surprise is replaced by warmth that circulates throughout his body, cradling your face like his life depended on it. As you lean into his touch, you feel a gentle kiss placed on your forehead, revelling in the wave of affection.

“So, does this mean we share a wardrobe now?” Pulling back from his touch, you try your luck for a more permanent access to his apparel.

He scoffs, adjusting his glasses. “Oh you can wear them whenever you want. So long as you drop one of those by every time.” He gestures to the desk.

You consider his offer.

“Deal.”

⭐️ eventually the pastry requirement fizzled out, the thief’s heart weighing heavy after countless payments of sweet delicacies. Just seeing you enjoy yourself was payment enough.

Cross-posted on A03 @mystcirrus !

[clhook]

Ces derniers temps je pense beaucoup à ma meilleure amie d'enfance et d'adolescence avec qui j'ai plus trop de contact parce qu'elle sera pas à mon mariage et ça me travaille beaucoup, pas parce que j'aurais aimé l'inviter mais plutôt par nostalgie de la relation qu'on avait petites, quand on pensait à l'avenir on était persuadées qu'on vivrait dans la même ville je serais bibliothécaire et elle fleuriste (ça ça s'est bien réalisé pour le coup mdr) et on serait témoin au mariage l'une de l'autre et on serait marraine des enfants de l'autre mais ça s'est pas passé comme ça je suis partie et elle est restée là où on a grandi, on voulait plus les mêmes choses de la vie et surtout j'ai commencé à assumer de vouloir des trucs qu'elle ne voulait pas alors qu'avant je m'écrasais pour faire comme elle. Je pense pas que la relation était spécialement toxique mais en tout cas très déséquilibrée elle était la meneuse extravertie jolie etc et moi la suiveuse réservée un peu cheum lol je pense que ça la flattait d'avoir toujours quelqu'un avec elle qui la rendait encore mieux par comparaison. Moi je disais rien parce que j'avais trop peur d'être seule mais maintenant j'ai ma vie ma maison mon keum mon travail et je suis loin donc on s'est pas quittées en mauvais termes mais juste on s'est éloignées et maintenant se suivre sur instagram c'est le seul aperçu de la vie de l'autre qu'on a. Bref tout ça pour dire que je rumine beaucoup sur le fait de vivre mon mariage sans elle tout en étant sûre que j'ai pas envie qu'elle soit là non plus c'est difficile à appréhender mais j'étais trkl dans mon coin avec mes pensées sauf que ma mère m'a dit hier qu'elle avait laissé une lettre pour moi chez mes parents et ça m'a mis dans un état d'angoisse pas possible parce que j'ai peur de lire cette lettre et d'être assaillie de sentiments pas sains pour moi ou être obligée de reprendre contact (parce que j'ai clairement pas envie, je suis très bien maintenant avec seulement la nostalgie de ce qu'on avait) et en même temps ne pas la lire me rendrait foldingue parce que je suis la meuf la plus curieuse de la terre bref je sais pas quoi penser de cette histoire 🤪🤪🤪 oui vous avez lu jusque là pour cette conclusion je suis bien désolée pour vous

[pickle92]

god. okay. i've had time to ruminate and pull out the French GCSE i haven't used in 15 years

so izzy sings la vie en rose and there's a LOT to unpack about that being the song that stede fucks ed to but what i find REALLY interesting is which lines they chose to focus on izzy during, and to have in French. the song was written in French so the English translation doesnt quite match up in places and like, GOD, okay, so

to start 'la vie en rose' translates to 'life in pink' but is is more like 'life through rose-tinted glasses' which in English is a phrase that means remembering things as better than they were which, like, great start. it was written about finding love after trauma (ww2) so, again, biting things

izzy sings in English to start with and then after the whole Ned Low Debacle he switches to French and while ed and stede are getting busy it focuses on izzy for the following lines

GOD. poor, heartbroken, romantic izzy hands.

mark mothersbaugh i am in your walls

[starburstfloat]

Coming of Age Storytelling in TXT's Quarter Life (aka let's talk about korean grammar!!)

Quarter Life is one of my favorite tracks off minisode 3, not just for its coming of age theme but also the raw, unfiltered way their voices carry the message.

A closer look at the Korean lyrics led me to understanding the song anew so I wanted to share that with you guys.

What struck me most was the narrative shift in the song. Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai all transition from a contemplative, somewhat hopeless state of mind at the beginning of the song to an empowered and motivated mentality during the second half.

Admittedly, you don't need to pick apart the nuance of the conjugation patterns they're using to grasp this - listening to the song alone will give you a sense of it. But I think knowing the grammar a bit more just makes you feel it more deeply and helps the song feel that much more alive and inspiring. At the same time, I'll weave together my observations on the (wonderful!) storytelling/narrative flow. Let's go!

Beomgyu starts the song with:

A quarter life / 누군가가 나의 나이를 부르는 말

A quarter life / This is how someone calls my age

Note how this opening line establishes a distance from the protagonist: we're not centering on what he thinks at first, but rather how other people perceive him. Perception vs sense of self is a big coming of age theme. In the following lines, he alludes to having walked through a long long (긴긴) tunnel, and in explaining it to us, we get a sense for how the world has shaped him (or more specifically, worn him down). He may be young, but he is so so tired.

Kai reiterates this sentiment by saying:

좋을 때래 아름다운 청춘은 지금뿐이래

(People say) these are the good times, that the beauty of youth is only now

followed by him adding: I ain't happy at all

Once again, the focus is on perception. Their disconnect between how other people think they should feel versus how they actually feel builds a sense of lack and sadness.

The first narrative shift happens right after this, when Taehyun poses a pondering question:

혹시 어두운 이 턴널에도 끝은 있을까

(I wonder if) this dark tunnel even has en end?

-을까 verb endings paired with 혹시 (perhaps/maybe) add a contemplative tone to the question, thus indicating our first transition from Beomgyu and Kai's solemn defeat about youth being exhausting to wondering, maybe there's a way out of this?

Then we dive into the pre-chorus, which gets even more reflective:

어디로 가야 하는 건데

Where do I have to go/should I go?

-ㄴ데 endings are frequent in both spoken and written Korean and depending on context have several meanings. Here it leaves the listener with the knowledge that something has been left unsaid. I often think of it as ellipses that have a slow fade effect. In terms of the song, this line here emphasizes the pondering moment of taehyun earlier, kind of like "where do I have to go....?"

Kai mentions he's lonely, just walking in circles, it's a full quarter life crisis

The chorus hits with its instrumental - a release of all their frustrations and confusion for the tumultuous feelings.

The second half of the song gets interesting. It's here that each line slowly gets more optimistic and empowered. Taehyun says he refuses to say that he fucked up his life. This one thought keeps him grounded and makes him want to keep trying.

Kai's lead into the second pre-chorus is almost exactly the same as the first (on first listen I didn't hear a difference) but he actually changed one of the verb endings: instead of saying 건데 again (that ...? feeling grammar point) he uses an -는 지 ending:

어디로 가야 하는 건지

Where do I have to go/should I go?

Note that the translation is exactly the same as the pre-chorus earlier, but there's a slightly different feeling attached. The -는 지 conjugation poses a "whether this or that" setup, once again showcasing uncertainty, but this time instead of pondering and ruminating, it's acknowledging the presence of options. He's getting closer to stepping into a decision - a decision he gets to make now, not something dictated by the perception of others.

Taehyun adds:

Don't look back / 돌아갈 순 없지

Don't look back / You can't go back

Many of you may already know -ㄹ 수 없다 conjugation as "cannot do something". Notice how the center is 순 instead of 수. 순 is used as an emphasizing marker, and the conjugation of -지 adds a feeling of someone going "right?" or "of course." There's a slight sense of urgency to it all. Knowing this, I hope you can feel the weight of Taehyun's lines here: he's urging himself to embrace what he has in the moment because he can't go back and he knows it and doesn't want this moment to escape him.

Also noteworthy is the lack of 요 endings to indicate higher formality. All of the song is in banmal, which suggests they're actually talking to themselves/in their own head. Very touching :')

The song ends on a determined high: Beomgyu and Kai affirm they are going to keep wandering through this quarter life crisis. I love the choice to finish the song with their raw vocals and the high of the instruments long gone. It centers us so much on their determination. Absolutely beautiful song and I hope I could give you some insight into the grammar and the feelings it captured.

[deathsbestgirl]

Saw your tags:

I ALWAYS THOUGHT ALL THINGS WAS THE NATURAL FOLLOW-UP TO NEVER AGAIN, TOO.

I tripped over my feet (metaphorically) to run over here and yell that. XDDD

RIGHT like it smacks me in the face every time i watch. and i bet there a few episodes that are stepping stones in between, but i'd need to really think about that (en ami came to mind, although maybe that's a little more related to je souhaite?) idk definitely ruminating

[ensfortress]

1 year on tumblr and I don't even remember using this app before November 👍

[freaksnature]

Weird Birds

all birds are weird cause they're reptiles but here are especially weird birds

Hooded Pitohui - Pitohui dichrous LC

poisonous bird, scientist confirmed if you touch it then touch your fingers to your mouth it makes your mouth numb, important science

American Dipper - Cinclus mexicanus LC

looks like normal bird, lies only genus of semi-aquatic song bird flies through water

Bearded Vulture/Lammergeier - Gypaetus barbatus NT

primarily eats bones, generally terrifying

Magnificent Frigatebird - Fregata magnificens LC

thinks it's a frog, speaks for itself

Resplendent Quetzal - Pharomachrus mocinno NT

actually an aztec god will sing again when land if free from Spanish rule

American Woodcock - Scolopax minor LC

actual nicknames include memebird, timberdoodle, mudbat bogsucker, night partridge and labrador twister, slowest flying bird 8km/h 5mph

Oilbird/Guácharo - Steatornis caripensis LC

birds that decided to become bats, live in colonies in caves, nocturnal, uses echolocation to navigate, eats fruit, who wore it better

Shoebill - Balaeniceps rex VU

actual dinosaur related to pelicans, carnivorous, makes terrifying clacking noises with beak

Hoatzin - Opisthocomus hoazin LC

stink bird, capable of fermentation digestion similar to ruminant mammals, chicks have two functional claws on wings

Maleo - Macrocephalon maleo CR EN

deadbeat parents bury their eggs in sand and leave, chicks digs it's way out dries off and within hours can fly

[chifourmi]

Voilà on s'est appelé avec le Dieu Grec et on a conclu que c'était mieux qu'on s'arrête là. Parce qu'il n'est vraiment pas prêt à tenter quelque chose de sérieux. Il m'a dit qu'il s'était construit un mur et que c'était impossible de le détruire parce que c'est déjà arrivé l'année passée et quand ça arrive ses émotions sont décuplées et il peut aller loin. Je ne sais pas à quel point mais c'est bien le redflag que j'avais aperçu. Il m'a dit qu'il avait beaucoup travaillé sur lui et qu'il travaillait encore sur lui à ce niveau là. Et je me dis que c'est bien qu'il s'en rende compte et qu'il ne prenne pas le risque de blesser d'autres personnes. C'est mieux que ça n'aille pas plus loin du coup. Mais ça m'énerve que des sentiments soient apparus parce que ça a gâché ce qu'on avait. C'était trop beau, c'était léger, c'était adorable.

Il m'a dit qu'il n'avait jamais eu de relation comme ça aussi longue et il trouvait ça fou que ça se soit aussi bien passé et qu'il n'y ait jamais eu d'embrouille. Ça a duré 8 mois. Il m'a dit que j'étais quelqu'un de vraiment bienveillant, que j'étais une trop chouette personne, qu'il aimait bien que j'aille vers tout le monde tout le temps avec le sourire.

C'était trop beau notre appel, c'était trop touchant. Je lui ai dit ce que j'aimais chez lui, que j'aimais trop le fait qu'il parle beaucoup parce que moi j'adore écouter, que j'aimais trop son côté passionné aussi. Puis on a tout mis au clair pour qu'il n'y ait plus aucun non-dit. J'aurais tellement voulu le voir une dernière fois mais il m'a dit que c'était pas une bonne idée parce que ça me ferait encore plus mal. Je sais qu'il a raison mais c'est dur. Limite l'appel m'a fait ressentir encore plus de choses pour lui. Il m'a dit que je lui manquerais et c'est bête mais avant l'appel j'avais l'impression de n'être absolument personne pour lui. Et j'ai compris que c'était archi faux. Il m'a dit que j'avais bien fait de le faire maintenant parce que pendant ses examens ça aurait été dur pour lui. Et il m'a demandé si j'avais prévu des choses de mon côté pour ne pas trop ruminer.

J'avais tellement de mal à raccrocher.

Je me sens tellement légère, j'ai plus du tout cette boule au ventre. J'avais tellement besoin qu'on parle. Je suis tellement heureuse et tellement triste en même temps. J'arrive pas à croire que je le verrai plus et que je n'aurai plus jamais de messages de sa part. J'ai envie de pleurer sans m'arrêter et en même temps j'ai pleins de beaux souvenirs en tête. C'était trop beau ce qu'on a vécu.

(18/05/2024)

[kilfeur]

Kalego a l'air fatigué vu l'état de sa chambre, il a pu confirmer qu'Atori était bien un infiltré, par contre ce qui a dû davantage le ruminer c'est le fait qu'Iruma soit un humain. Peut être que c'est un peu ça qui a aussi causé le bazar dans sa chambre. Car au début, il refusait d'y croire jusqu'à finir par l'accepter. Surtout qu'il va faire comme si il avait rien entendu vu le manque de réponse de Balam. C'est énorme de la part de Kalego qui est considéré comme un prof sévère et terrifiant par ses élèves. Se montrant sans pitié envers les ennemis de l'école ! Kalego voit Iruma comme l'un de ses élèves et le protégera en tant que tel, peu importe si il est humain ou non. Donc non en tant qu'ennemi, avant Kalego l'aurait sûrement balancer mais le fait qu'il le fasse pas montre justement à quel point cette relation avec Iruma l'a fait évolué et qu'il tient à lui à sa manière.

D'ailleurs je remarque que même si des démons remarquent qu'Iruma n'est pas un démon mais un humain. C'est pas du genre grosse révélation comme on pourrait le voir dans d'autres mangas. Mais plus de l'acceptance, y a Balam qui avait paniqué car Iruma n'aurait pas dû le dire car ils se connaissaient à peine. Mais les seuls qui donnent l'importance à cette révélation sont Baal et Kirio jamais les alliés d'Iruma. Donc ouais je pense que quand Iruma dira à Azz et Clara qu'il est humain, ils vont l'accepter

Kalego looks tired from the state of his bedroom, he was able to confirm that Atori was indeed an infiltrator, but what must have bothered him more was the fact that Iruma was a human. Maybe that's what caused the mess in his room too. Because at first, he refused to believe it until he finally accepted it. Especially since he's going to act as if he'd heard nothing, given Balam's lack of response. This is a huge thing for Kalego, who is considered a stern and terrifying teacher by his pupils. Showing no mercy towards the school's enemies! Kalego sees Iruma as one of his students and will protect him as such, whether he's human or not. But the fact that he doesn't shows just how much this relationship with Iruma has changed him, and that he cares for him in his own way.

Besides, I notice that even though some demons notice that Iruma isn't a demon but a human. It's not the kind of big revelation you might see in other mangas. But more than acceptance, there's Balam who panicked because Iruma shouldn't have said it, since they hardly knew each other. But the only ones who give importance to this revelation are Baal and Kirio, never Iruma's allies. So yeah, I think when Iruma tells Azz and Clara he's human, they'll accept it.

[cockslutpadalecki]

Lisa’s 2022 Reads Masterlist

I sincerely failed in trying to read 2,022 fics and I definitely didn’t read as much as I would’ve liked, but I’m still proud of myself what I did manage to achieve! I was going to make masterlists for each month, but I think we’re beyond that now so... have an epic one instead.

I am not responsible for the content you choose to consume. Please heed all warnings, pairings, tropes before you proceed. Don’t send hate to any authors for mistakes YOU make in choosing to sideline warnings and reading a story that is going to make you feel uncomfortable. Be mindful that most of these stories are more than likely 18+ so no minors.

CHRIS EVANS CHARACTERS

⤞ STEVE ROGERS

@boxofbonesfic; ✿ Memento ✿ Yes, Headmaster ✿ Office Hours ✿ Down In The Dark ✿ Last Laugh ✿ Something Blue ✿ Bakers’ Dozen ✿ Bitten ✿ Rumination

@straywords; ✿ On The Rocks ✿ Show Some Respect ✿ Jitters Series ✿ Tight Until It Snaps ✿ A Taste ✿ Unholy/Sin On Your Tongue

@princessmisery666; ✿ Drinking Alone, Together ✿ Sundress

@darkficsyouneveraskedfor; ✿ Merciless ✿ Book Smart

✿ Sweat And Sacrifice (2) (3): @lokislastlove

✿ Fragile - Time’s Up: @syntheticavenger

✿ Sex Tape (2) (3): @fictional-affairs

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ ARI LEVINSON

✿ Good: @nocturne-pisces​ ✿ New Hire (1) (2): @boxofbonesfic​ ✿ Our Little Secret: @straywords

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ LLOYD HANSEN

@angrythingstarlight; ✿ Don’t Look ✿ If You Want It So Bad

@charnelhouse; ✿ Mirror ✿ You’re Not Cinderella

✿ Sad Girl: @onsunnyside

✿ Diabolical Dealings: @lokislastlove

✿ Side To Side: @labella420

✿ Grand Finale: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

✿ Boring, Boring, Boring: @rustytricycle​

✿ Come To Daddy: @straywords

✿ Thanks For The Invite: @syntheticavenger

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ RANSOM DRYSDALE

✿ Nocturnal (3): @syntheticavenger​ ✿ The House By The River: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​ ✿ Yesterday’s Dream, Today’s Nightmare: @late-to-the-party-81

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ ANDY BARBER

@darkficsyouneveraskedfor; ✿ What Could Be ✿ If It’s Only A Fantasy, Then Why Is It Killing Me?

✿ Cruel Daddy Series: @onsunnyside

✿ The Perfect Man: @targaryenvampireslayer

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ CURTIS EVERETT

✿ Together Forever: @syntheticavenger​

-

SEBASTIAN STAN CHARACTERS

⤞ BUCKY BARNES

@straywords​; ✿ Fallen Doves ✿ Insatiable ✿ A Perfect Fit ✿ Caught In The Sirens ✿ Bows And Ribbons

@sweeterthanthis; ✿ Rise And Shine, Princess ✿ Your Filthy Heart (8) ✿ Game, Set And Match

@gogolucky13; ✿ Comply ✿ Little Bird Series ✿ Notam

@cherienymphe; ✿ Dollhouse Series ✿ Midnight Snack

✿ The Devil You Know: @sgt-seabass

✿ Dangerous Dance: @princessmisery666

✿ Cut: @boxofbonesfic

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ MICKEY HENRY

✿ Alive: @navybrat817

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ LANCE TUCKER

✿ Bronze: @nocturne-pisces

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ NICK FOWLER

@navybrat817; ✿ Soft Spot ✿ Gratification

✿ Shoot To Thrill: @sweeterthanthis

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ STEVE KEMP

✿ Heads Will Roll: @sgt-seabass​ ✿ Sweet Tooth: @cherienymphe​ ✿ Tastes Like You: @nocturne-pisces

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ LEE BODECKER

@sweeterthanthis; ✿ Bellyache ✿ Dazed And Confused

✿ Dress Up: @sgt-seabass

✿ Homemade Heaven: @nocturne-pisces

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ CHRIS (DESTROYER)

✿ Stress Reliever: @nocturne-pisces

-

CE/SS CHARACTER PAIRINGS+

⤞ STEVE ROGERS/BUCKY BARNES

@straywords; ✿ Past Curfew ✿ Shelter From The Storm ✿ Deny Me

✿ Guilty: @syntheticavenger

✿ Talking Bird (1): @boxofbonesfic

✿ Grocery List Series: @nocturne-pisces

✿ An Indecent Proposal: The Paris Exchange: @imanuglywombat

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ STEVE ROGERS/BUCKY BARNES/NICK FOWLER

✿ Favour: @howdoyousleep3

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ NICK FOWLER/BUCKY BARNES

✿ Push And Pull: @navybrat817

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ ARI LEVINSON/CHRIS (DESTROYER)

✿ Bait And Switch (1): @sweeterthanthis

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ ANDY BARBER/ARI LEVINSON/BUCKY BARNES

✿ En Voyage: @onsunnyside​

-

MARVEL

⤞ THOR ODINSON

✿ Lessons: @charnelhouse​ ✿ Size: @boxofbonesfic

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ PETER PARKER

@cherienymphe; ✿ Forget Me Not (TH) ✿ Guns N’ Roses (TH) ✿ The Favor (TH)

✿ Outskirts: @lokislastlove (TH)

✿ Brother’s Keeper: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor (TH)

✿ Anxious: @syntheticavenger (AG)

✿ Inhibitions: @clints-lucky-arrow (AG)

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ HARRY OSBORN

✿ Nasty: @thewritingdoll​ (DD)

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ DRUIG (ETERNALS)

@clints-lucky-arrow: ✿ Everything ✿ Kyphi ✿ Ruin

✿ Good Vibrations: @mothdruid

✿ Sweet Madness: @cherienymphe

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ STEVE ROGERS/BUCKY BARNES/THOR ODINSON/LOKI LAUFEYSON/SAM WILSON/PETER PARKER

✿ Hidden Gems Series: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

-

OUTER BANKS

⤞ RAFE CAMERON

@cherienymphe:  ✿ Country Club Chronicles ✿ Friends Like These ✿ Brother May I Series ✿ The Hills Series ✿ Wicked Games/That Night ✿ Just The Tip ✿ Pretty When You Cry ✿ Do I Wanna Know?

@darkficsyouneveraskedfor; ✿ Be Mine ✿ Lost Cause ✿ Bring You Flowers

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ RAFE CAMERON/TOPPER THORNTON

✿ Only For Tonight: @cherienymphe

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ RAFE CAMERON/JJ MAYBANK

✿ Amnesiac Series: @cherienymphe

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ JJ MAYBANK

✿ One Last Sunset: @princessmisery666​ ✿ Traitor: @cherienymphe

-

SUPERNATURAL

⤞ DEAN WINCHESTER

✿ Lights Out (Prologue): @winchest09 ✿ Liquid Courage: @covered-byroses​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ SAM WINCHESTER

@princessmisery666​; ✿ Cuffed ✿ Don’t Leave​

✿ Tight: @kittenofdoomage

-

THE BOYS

⤞ SOLDIER BOY

@targaryenvampireslayer; ✿ Fangirl Crush ✿ Rescue Mission

✿ G.B.A: @impala-dreamer

✿ Bruise: @charnelhouse​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ HOMELANDER

@cherienymphe; ✿ Home Sweet Home ✿ Daddy Issues Series

-

JOEL KINNAMAN CHARACTERS

⤞ RICK FLAG

@princessmisery666; ✿ Take A Shot ✿ Nobody But You, Forever ✿ Slip Of The Tongue

✿ Dead On Arrival (7) (8) (9): @clints-lucky-arrow

✿ Kill Of The Night: @babblydrabbly

✿ The Watcher: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

✿ It’s Completely Natural: @mishficsx

✿ Why: @lorecraft​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ TAKESHI KOVACS

✿ Smile For You: @loverhymeswith

-

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON

⤞ DAEMON TARGARYEN

@cherienymphe; ✿ Rumor Has It ✿ The Dragon’s Den

✿ You’ll Be Waiting In Vain: @charnelhouse​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ AEGON II TARGARYEN

✿ Violet Eyes & Violent Delights: @cherienymphe​

❀ ❀ ❀ ⤞ AEMOND TARGARYEN

✿ I Spy With My Little Eye: @cherienymphe​ ✿ Tears In Rain: @charnelhouse​ ✿ Idaña: @mypoisonedvine

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ AEGON II TARGARYEN/AEMOND TARGARYEN

@cherienymphe; ✿ Sibling Rivalry ✿ Gods & Monsters

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ DAEMON TARGARYEN/HARWIN STRONG

✿ He Finds You: @targaryenvampireslayer​

-

STRANGER THINGS

⤞ EDDIE MUNSON

✿ Wild Side/Still Of The Night: @mypoisonedvine ✿ Let Me Make It Up To You: @irrelevantwriter

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ EDDIE MUNSON/STEVE HARRINGTON

✿ On The Prowl: @mypoisonedvine

-

FANDOM CROSSOVER PAIRINGS

⤞ RICK FLAG/RANSOM DRYSDALE

✿ Beginners Luck: @lokislastlove​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ STEVE KEMP/LOKI

✿ I’m Your Victim & I Like It: @breakablebarnes​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ SOLDIER BOY/STEVE ROGERS

✿ One Last Time: @targaryenvampireslayer

-

MISC. CHARACTERS

⤞ JAKE “HANGMAN” SERESIN (TOP GUN MAVERICK)

✿ Warning: Do Not Engage: @clints-lucky-arrow ✿ Jake: @charnelhouse ✿ Under The Radar Series: @princessmisery666​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (CHILLING ADVENTURES OF SABRINA)

✿ Promised: @cherienymphe​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ ADRIAN CHASE/VIGILANTE (PEACEMAKER)

✿ Chainsaws And Parking Lots: @charnelhouse​

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ BRUCE WAYNE (DARK KNIGHT TRILOGY)

✿ Kryptonite: @cherienymphe

❀ ❀ ❀

⤞ WALTER DEVILLE (THE INVITATION)

✿ My Soul To Take: @cherienymphe