#eric cartman x reader fluff

[oniikabuto]

one bed!

-- sfw --

characters: kyle broflovski, kenny mccormick, stan marsh, eric cartman

a/n: i did this for a different fandom like a year ago. i love the one bed trope i just had to write a new one for south park....,,, lmk if you want part 2

notes: fluff yayyy; gn reader; characters have a fat crush on you live laugh mutual pining;

guys requests are very much open rigjt now pleasseeeekksflkdfnkjs

— ⛧ k. broflovski

sweetest guy. he doesn't want to take your bed, but you insist.

he also hangs his jacket on the door and keeps his hat neatly on your desk... which is kinda funny and cute that he tries so hard to be neat

freezes up and goes red when you slide into the bed next to him. poor boy is about to melt.

"dude why are you so sweaty are you okay"

"huh- what? yeah, yeah it's cool i'm fine it's..,,,,,,,"

wakes up with a puddle of drool and a wet cheek. he panics and wipes his face and looks over to see if you're awake. you pretend you aren't for kyle's sake. he's so cute.

his nose also does that stupid whistley thing it's so funny

a relatively still sleeper. he just kinda curls up and.. sleeps. sometimes he murmurs something in his sleep.

"cartman.. shut up..",

"what?", you murmur groggily.

"no"

"kyle??? are you awake??"

(no response)

genuinely cannot remember any of that when he wakes up.

— ⛧ k. mccormick

it's like 1am and you turn off the movie as the credits roll.

when you look over at kenny, he looks like a baby that had just woken up.

"dude, what time is it..", he murmurs.

"um.. late." you definitely did not mean to have him over for so long.

"do you wanna go home, or like.. stay with me?"

kenny perks up immediately when you offer to let him spend the night. huge, shit-eating grin spread across his face.

"dumbass", you laugh. but you kinda wanted him over, too.

he sits in your room and pokes at all of your plushies while he waits for you to go get a change of clothes for him. ("no way you're sleeping in that eyesore of a parka!")

almost faints when you change your shirt in front of him

youre the only person that can fluster him like that.

sleeps curled up like a little car

(I MEANT TO TYPE CAT BUT THATS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY)

makes funny noises

like when a dog is sleeping

you'll wake up with his face in your chest and he'll swear it was an accident. it was not

— ⛧ s. marsh

you were at your desk doing homework and stan was on your bed on his phone, both doing your own thing as music played from your speaker.

it's not until that last math problem that you realize it's late. really, really late. you look over at stan, and he's face-down dead asleep on your bed, phone still in one hand.

you don't want to wake him up and tell him to go home, so instead you take his hat off and leave it on your bedpost.

he's splayed across the bed right in the middle.

how?? are you supposed to move him???

after a moment of deliberation, you hold your breath and roll him over, praying he doesn't wake up.

he does obviously

"ow..???? y/n??"

"shit. sorry. it's late, just go back to sleep. you can walk home tomorrow morning."

"wha- okay"

he's too tired to object

plus he secretly loves being in your bed. it smells like you

snores and breathes kinda funny once in a while

no matter how still he looks when you get into the bed with him, somehow you wake up with his limbs sprawled out like a spider.

in the morning, his leg is on top of you and his hand is on your face.

— ⛧ e. cartman

actually such a bitch about staying over

he definitely tried to distract you so that he would HAVE to spending the night

he just loves spending time with you but he doesnt wanna ask :(

"but the couch will make my back stiff! i'll be soo sore in the morning!"

"just say you want to sleep in my room with me, cartman."

"whaat?? if you insist, i guess!"

makes himself absolutely at home. if you want to sleep in your own bed, you'll have to sleep on top of him or touching him.

he definitely does that on purpose

as much as it pains you to admit it, cartman is actually like really really comfortable.

even if he's squishing you to death

and he claims he has no idea he does that in his sleep

smells like a dove soap bar or like. baby shampoo and its actually really nice

snores like a monster truck engine

leaves his shit all over the floor but also offers to help clean up to impress you

(he cant clean for shit but at least he tried??)

[kira-broflovski]

main 4 boys hcs: crushing on the new girl

note: more sleepover chapters to be out soon!! also i got carried away in kenny's part oops

STAN ☆

he thought he'd never be able to like a girl ever again, but that idea was short-lived when he saw you.

it was love at first sight.

he was planning on going up to you and introducing himself, but other guys were quicker.

i can see him being really jealous, especially if it's other football players or people he trusts. (maybe tolkien will come in and steal someone from stan again 💀)

at one point, he saw you getting uncomfortable with all the attention you were getting so stan saw an opportunity.

an opportunity to yell at the others while still looking like a good guy, that is.

"Alright, guys, that's enough!" Stan stomped his foot against the floor, silence quickly filling the teacher-less classroom. "Can't you see how uncomfortable she is?"

You couldn't stand to look at anyone while you were the centre of this unwanted attention.

The various types of guys hated the fact Stan was right and that you were visibly uncomfortable, but you were relieved at this sudden saviour.

While everyone backed off, Stan remained in front of you so you looked up at him while he approached with a subtle smile, which you thankfully returned.

"Hey, if anyone's ever bothering you, just text me." He stated before handing you a little yellow note, his phone number quickly scribbled across it.

"Thank you, uh..."

"Stan."

"Thank you, Stan." He was proud to be the first guy to get a genuine smile out of you.

"You're very welcome...?"

"Y/N."

"Well, see you around, Y/N." He might have fell in love first, but you fell harder.

"Bastard wanted her all to himself!"

KYLE ☆

when kyle first saw you, he thought you were cute of course but didn't think anything else until he sat next to you for a class you shared.

he is more of a hopeless romantic, so of course he would act on a classic trope when he got the chance to.

you were struggling with the question the teacher had set, so you turned to the person on your left but they made a snide comment and didn't bother helping you. thankfully, kyle came to your assistance.

"Ignore that asswipe, Y/N." You heard someone to the right-hand side of you say. "I'll help you."

You turned around to see it was Kyle, the smartest kid in the class!

"Thank you so much, Kyle!" It was good to know not everyone was mean here. At the mention of his name with your seemingly angelic voice, he felt his heart flutter.

"No worries," he smiled nervously. "What do you need help with?"

KENNY ☆

just like the others, when he first saw you he thought you were so pretty.

he just needed to have you.

but he's not as confident as his friends, so he shied away and decided to admire you from afar.

however, that changed when you were the one to go up to him: you introduced yourself and explained you wanted to make a lot of new friends.

kenny introduced himself, as well, he never thought he'd get the chance to talk to you like this. however, he made the mistake of making his liking towards you known to his friends... more specifically, cartman.

"You wouldn't like Kenny, new girl." Eric chuckled maliciously from behind the blonde-haired boy that was simply trying to admire the girl of his dreams in peace.

"Why not?" You huffed. "I've already taken a liking to him."

Kenny tried to act as if that isn't one of the sweetest things somebody has said about him.

"Well, he's poor!" Eric shouted as if it was obvious. "He'd be an even worse boyfriend, and he clearly already has a little crush on you."

The poor boy was mortified. Worried that he had just lost his chance with you when you stood in silence.

"What?" You were taken aback. Did Kenny really call this asshole a friend?

"I'm doing you a favour, whatever your name is." Eric continued. "Don't go for Kyle either, he's a stupid-"

"That's enough, fatass!" Kyle yelled.

Kenny started to panic. He didn't know what to do, and he's never felt more embarrassed. And it was all Eric's fault!

"C'mon, Kenny. Let's go somewhere else to talk." You said, much to his surprise, but he gladly accepted.

ERIC ☆

if this isn't enemies to lovers potential, idk what is.

he'd be more discreet about his crush because god forbid the others realise he actually likes someone!

he would just simply bully you, but you were different. you were just trying to be nice, so when he realised he actually felt a little bad he tried toning it down little by little before toning it down.

he's definitely the possessive type, so when he realised you had already became friends with the others... he wanted to be your friend too.

however, he just wanted you all to himself.

"Fuck you guys, I saw her first!"

"Saw her first? She's not an object, Cartman. She can choose who she wants to hang out with, and I'm surprised she even wants to associate with you!"

The boys were bickering back and forth as usual, arguing over you as if you weren't sat there with them.

"But, Y/N is mine!" Eric yelled, taking all of you by surprise.

"Yours?" You questioned.

"Ah, shit."

[hunnysnoops]

˗ˋ𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕙 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕟𝕤ˊ˗

Chapter One: Undone

Kylie Broflovski x fem Reader

If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk away.

Also available on Ao3 and Wattpad!

Premise: Despite having almost inseparable families, you and Kyle couldn't hate each other anymore than you already. The second you saw him you had your claws out and we would be ready to hold a knife to your throat, like wolves you devoured each other until a bump in the road sent you tumbling into a new dynamic. Maybe you two can find new ways to fall apart.

Warnings: Vulgar language+humour / mentions of smoking and drugs / Cartman gets called fat

MASTERLIST

Kyle was the only one who knew how truly competitive you were. He couldn't figure out how no one else saw especially during your sports matches, you always had to be forward, had to score the last point, had to win, and you craved it as compulsively as the nicotine you sucked from your fingernails when you ran out of cigarettes to burn through.

Your parents had always been close to Kyle's since high school allegedly; being constantly forced to jump back and forth between each other's houses for family dinners and game nights didn't aid in the fact that you wanted to tear each other's throats out with razor-sharp teeth. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder and this absurd proximity made the both of you sick with a frothing rage.

You couldn't pinpoint exactly where this hatred started, it was likely back in middle school where it was taboo for boys and girls to hang out, and those kids acted like it breached scripture if you did. Truthfully you didn't remember being friends but there was photo evidence of you playing as children so you couldn't deny it.

He has seen every inch of your life inside and out from the seventeen years that you were cursed to spend side by side. He knew that you had some fun habits such as swallowing back a little bit of synthetic sunshine in the form of little tabs of acid and how you would take a joint for a stroll in the dead of night.

For every secret he held over your head, you dangled one of his right before his green eyes. This is the only thing that kept all hell from breaking loose.

"Good practice girls, I'll see all of you on Thursday," Coach Jackson said, with no indication of pride for the team's gruelling efforts on her tanned face, not even a dribble of sweat on her brow since all she did was stand in place and yell at you.

As soccer practice finally came to a close the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon, casting an orange glow on the team where you all lay on the ground of the pitch next to your bags, trying to catch your breath. Nichole chugged down her water so fast that it was dribbling down her chin and droplets had soaked into her tee shirt.

You were the most composed of all of them despite being a little short of breath, you wiped the sweat from the bow of your lip and began to peel off your sweaty shin guards.

"How are you so okay?" Annie asked, red-faced, strands of her curly blonde hair sticking out and flying loose in the wind while she sipped on a Gatorade.

You shrug "I run a lot," It was the truth, you liked the feeling of burning in your lungs along with the fact that you built up good stamina and in turn were able to withstand your coach's harsh practices.

"I should start running with you," Annie says, panting heavily before she throws herself flat against the cool grass.

"I don't know if you could keep up," There's something of a smile playing on Red's face while she shoves her gross gear into her duffle bag. "I see her run by my house every night." She had a bit of trouble keeping her shag cut tied back in a ponytail, any attempt to get the layers to stay in a braid or bun was futile so she settled on a black headband to at least keep it out of her face.

Off in the distance, Bebe honked her car horn, she had shown up early to pick up her friends and due to this in the last fifteen minutes of practice you could hear classic Justin Bieber blasting faintly from her car. "Annie, we gotta go," Nichole says.

"Ugh," Annie draws out in her dazey state. Nichole paid her friend the service of grabbing her bag and trying to drag her up to her feet.

"C'mon," Nichole mutters, hooking an arm around Annie and yanking her up to her feet. Annie finds her own footing and detaches herself from Nichole, she's still in her shin guards and cleats. "Are you coming to Wendy's later?" Nichole looks at you, sweat shimmering on her ebony skin beneath the setting sun.

You think about it for a moment before ultimately shaking your head "I gotta pick my brother up."

"What about after?"

"Too crammed with homework," You were lying through your teeth, your social battery was just running a little low and things with your dad weren't going too great. You made the decision that you needed to lock yourself in the bathroom run the shower over your skin and scrub until the water washed away the stress of your week or get high with Kenny until you felt your face go numb. Just something along those lines.

"Too bad," Annie frowns, eyes half-lidded and breathes shallow.

"See you tomorrow then," Red waves at you before heading to her car, bright hair sticking out in the green landscape.

“Love ya, Red,” You look around at the rest of your team, all cooling down and conversing "Anyone need a ride home?" Everyone looks around and shakes their heads "Isla?"

"No," She says "I'm going with Kelly."

"Alright," You sling your bag over your shoulder, clutching your carabiner in hand, it has a little keychain of a Volkswagon bus on it, a cowboy hat knick-knack and of course your actual keys. "Bye guys, see you on Thursday."

Your words are met with collective 'goodbyes' from the girls. You walk off the pitch, and despite your legs feeling like jello you manage to step off of the grassy field and land on concrete, lazy steps leading you back to your car.

Tossing your bag into the backseat, you tap around on your phone to connect to the speaker, turn it up as loud as it goes and roll down your windows. You liked your music so loud that you couldn't even hear your own thoughts, just your playlist on shuffle as you absentmindedly sang along to it. You grabbed some body spray and doused the car in it to cover up the subtle linger of cigarettes from your late-night drive the previous evening.

The air was warm and carried the scent of fresh-cut grass as you drove through the familiar suburban streets. With the windows down, you felt the gentle breeze tousle your hair, a welcome relief from the day's heat. You hummed along to the music, mind drifting as you navigated the familiar route.

As you turned the corner onto the neighbour's street, the sun painted the sky in a breathtaking array of colours - hues of orange, pink, and purple blending seamlessly against the evening sky. You couldn't help but steal a moment to admire the beauty of the sunset, the vibrant colours reflecting in your eyes. It was nearing six pm when you finally pulled into the Broflovski driveway.

You step out, looking a little worse for wear. You had taken off your shin guards and cleats but left the knee-high socks on as well as a tee shirt with the Park County cows logo on it and a pair of athletic shorts. It was one of the warmer days since it was nearing summer though South Park had a way with erratic weather that couldn't make up its mind, you were sure there would be a storm tomorrow to cancel out the nice weather.

Knocking on the door, you put on a smile, expecting to see Gerald or Sheila though you were unpleasantly met with their oldest son, Kyle. Your smile drops immediately and it's easy to see that he isn't too excited to see you either. "Oh." You push passed Kyle and into his house "Weston," You call out "Time to go!"

Kyle wrinkles his nose "You smell like hand sanitizer," He says, speaking on all of the body mist you had sprayed in the car.

"And you look like orphan Annie," You turn quickly to face him before calling up the stairs "Weston, let's go!"

"Did you leave your windows down at the car wash?" His eyes rake up your body at your sweaty form, little strands of hair sticking to your neck. 

"Go on Accutane, matchstick," You retort. This nickname came about when Kyle began to outgrow his friends, with a lanky body and a mop of curly red hair, the nickname struck you in a moment of genius. As of now, he was wearing his hat, he hardly ever took it off, especially out in public. You'd only seen it come off his head when he was swimming or when his mom forced it off.

Something about the Broflovski house was always comforting even if you hated one-fourth of the family, you loved the other three. The scent of whatever Sheila was cooking always lingered in the air, right now the smell was sweet and faint. You assumed she hadn't been home but caught a glimpse of a cookie rack set out on the kitchen counter. 

His eyebrows furrow "My acne isn't even that bad," He was right, you just knew that it got under his skin "Crash," He says, a little less creative than your nickname for him, born from the time you did acid and woke up in his backyard, luckily before his parents noticed you but not after Kyle took pictures of you passed out on the grassy lawn as well as a few rumours that had been spread about you.

"Sure, ginger, sorry you have a hard knock life," You had run out of insults to call him after seventeen years. In middle school, you ripped on him constantly for how scrawny he was along with voice cracks and his acne, though in recent years, he had passed puberty, had a deeper voice, sorted out his pimple issue, and taken to running, basketball, lacrosse, and going to the gym to tone up. You could still rag on him for it but it has less impact when it wasn't true and god knows you wouldn't go mocking his religion, you may have hated him but you had morals. All you had left to make fun of was his hair colour.

It was similar to the way he couldn't make fun of you for being ugly, unpopular, or stupid like he used to since puberty hit you like a bus and you were almost unrecognizable from the brace-faced awkward kid you used to be. You were also a little too confident and erratic for his liking. 

You were going to make your way upstairs to Ike's room where you assumed the two boys had been until you heard the familiar sound of upbeat electric rhythms and horribly overacted lines of Fury Fighters, a classic 1v1 fighting game. You move away from Kyle and turn in to the living room where you see your little brother and Ike on the couch, hyper-focused on the game ahead of them. "Did you go deaf suddenly or were you just ignoring me?"

"I was ignoring you," Weston says, bluntly. His hair is an untamed mess and the collar of his wrinkled tee is stretched out. He doesn't even look back at you but Kyle cracks a smile at his words.

"C'mon shrimp, we gotta go," You say, crossing your arms.

He lets out a groan "Can I stay like thirty more minutes?"

You shake your head "Nah, Kyle's cologne is giving me a headache."

Ike snorts a laugh and glances back at his brother, his smile falls when he looks at you; he's putting on his tough guy persona. He clears his throat and deepens his voice in the slightest "What's up?" It was clear that the little brother had a crush on you though no one brought it up, you could tell it bothered Weston.

"Hey, Ike," You give him a tight-lipped smile, watching as he turns back to the TV, fingers clicking over the controller aggressively. "You can finish this round and we're out."

"Yes!" Weston says "Thanks, love you," He says with haste, thinking that it'll butter you up.

You plop yourself on the carpeted floor in front of the couch to watch the match play out. Ike was playing as Tempest, a mage who was wise and old, a long white beard yet he somehow had an absolutely shredded pixel body. Weston was playing Sable, a pink-haired woman in a short nurse's uniform who used surgical tools as weapons, she was your go-to back when you still played Fury Fighters with your friends. You would refuse to play as a man because it breached your pre-teen code of feminism.  Watching them play made you feel nostalgic. 

Kyle leans his elbows on the back of the couch, hands clasped together to watch the game, the same as you. "Kick his ass, Weston," Kyle says, rooting for your brother, purely to annoy his.

"Hey!" Ike exclaims though he doesn't move his unwavering gaze from the game "Whose side are you on?"

"Smoke him, Ike!" You say, a little louder than intended to balance out the cheering section. 

Sheila always kept the household neat which was a miracle with Ike and Weston always running around, recently she had taken to a love of houseplants and had at least one in every corner of the home. There were framed pictures strung up on every single wall without fail, lots of the family, Sheila's wedding day, and a collection of you and Kyle actually getting along when you were kids. There's one of the two of you playing under a sprinkler in rain boots, another of you standing and smiling brightly by a snowman you made, and a picture of Kyle covering all of your little scrapes in Spider-Man band-aids. In every photo of you after the age of seven, you were with the rest of your families on opposite ends, as far away from each other as you could get.

You look back to the TV where Ike's character, Tempest summons the dead with his staff, grey decaying hands rise from the 2D ground and drag Sable down. "Fuck!" Weston yells, panic quickly spreading across his face, his eyes shoot back and forth frantically from the controller to the TV. 

Sable jumps back up and readies herself into a fighting stance, Tempest moves his staff, a green diamond on the end, horizontally and jabs Sable in the stomach over and over until she rolls back to the ground. Ike has a huge grin on his face, shaggy black hair framing his pale features, he desperately needed a haircut but for now, he was relishing in watching Sable's health bar move down.

"By the elements, I shall prevail!" Calls out Tempest, his voice actor had really put his all into making him sound deep and gruff. Ike randomly spams the buttons, sending out an erratic combo. The characters were fighting in the center of a dark alley, blue and red lights flashing every few minutes.

Sable pulls a long scalpel out of her thigh-high socks and charges towards Tempest, slashing him. When Tempest's health bar falls, Sable speaks out a voice line "Every wound has a remedy," Her sultry voice makes you cringe just the slightest, you hadn't remembered her to sound so sensual.

Tempest rises back up, jumps toward Sable and greets the character with a heavy uppercut, sending her flying through the air. You find your fingers digging into the carpet, you had hoped that Sable would win just from the fact that you used to play as her. You almost wanted to grab the remote from your brother's hand and show him how to play as her, you had memorized all of her combos and moves, and they became muscle memory to you. "You're demise is written in the stars!" The buff wizard raises his hands to the sky, gearing up to cast one final blow.

In the midst of this, Sable jumps up, pulls a bone saw out from behind her back and slices Tempest's head clean off before he can finish casting his spell. Ike drops his controller, moving his hand to grab his hair, eyes wide and mouth agape in shock while he watches his character's health bar plummet to zero. The wizard's head rolls around on the pixel ground before Sable picks it up and kisses it "Nurse's orders: Stay down," She says before drop-kicking the head out of frame. A title card covers up the scene that reads 'It's a wrap!’

"Fuck yeah!" Weston says, giving Kyle a firm high five. He looked happier than you had seen him all week, middle school was kicking his ass and you had to pull some time aside almost every night to help him with algebra. You would've scolded him for playing video games instead of studying for his social studies test if you hadn't been doing the same at his age. 

"How the hell did you do that?" Ike's head whips to look at his friend who just shrugs.

You push yourself off the floor, giving your brother's hair a little tussle "Let's go, shrimp." 

With a groan Weston up to slip his shoes on at the rack, "See you tomorrow, Ike," He grabs his bag where it sits by the coat stand. Kyle hurdles himself over the couch, taking Weston's place on the sofa and picking up the free controller to play "Bye Kyle!" He says, lacing up his sneakers.

Kyle looks over the couch and at him with a smile "See you later buddy."

The second you think Weston is looking away you stick up the middle finger to the red-headed boy across from you but it surely didn't go unnoticed "Why are you flipping Kyle off?" Weston asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he looks up at you.

You drop your hand "I'm not, I was waving at him." You lie, trying to form a cover-up. You place a hand between his shoulder blades to guide him out the door.

"You're sweaty," He comments.

"Thanks, I had no idea," You open the door and close it behind you before Kyle can say anything to your brother's remark. It's already colder than when you entered the house and you race to get to the car before you get a chill.

Weston hops into the passenger seat, scrunching up his nose at the music you're playing "Can you put on Lil Shovel?" He asks. It was one of the many rappers he had attempted to imitate. He thought they were cool for decking themselves out in designer brands and sticking dollar bills into women's thongs in music videos.

"I'm not playing that shit," You start the car and turn out of the driveway.

"Why?"

"Because it makes me want to hammer nails into my ears," You answer, eyes focused in the road while you glide through the suburban street. "Listen to Eminem or something."

"Dad doesn't like Eminem."

You wrinkle your nose "Why?"

"Because he said that thing about the gerbil."

Recognition hits you and you nod "Yeah, that checks out," Your dad was a pretty modest guy, he didn't care about anything overly vulgar. He basically mandated your life, he was the reason you were in so many extracurriculars and were the last person in your grade to get a phone, something Kyle would've teased you for if your parents weren't so similar.

"Can you drive me and Ike to the quarry on Friday?" Weston has one hand sticking out of the window moving it up and down like it was a plane, it was something you used to do before you were the one driving, a little mannerism he picked up off you.

"I have track practice and then I gotta help Heidi and Wendy with their fundraiser, sorry, shrimp," You take note of every house you pass, swearing you could put a name to every single one. You felt the fatigue hit you all at once, you knew that night your bed would become a casket and you would have to be pried from it like a floorboard. "Ask Kyle." 

"We did, he has basketball practice."

"Bummer," You say. It had slipped your mind completely that he was on the team and you hated it and how your friends gushed about Kyle before catching themselves and sending you apologetic glances. "Guess you gotta bike then."

You remember when you were your brother's age, twelve years old and you came home every night at sunset with a new scrape to show for the adventure you set out on. You gave bruises out like gifts and collected them like stickers, some sort of pride when parents would silently judge you for having purple busted-up knees.

"Mhm," He nods "Hey, can we go to Burger King?"

"No," You say almost immediately "Mom's making dinner right now."

Weston scrunched up his nose "Yeah but she had the crock pot out on the counter when I left for school today," Nothing good came from your mother's crock pot. "Can we please get Burger King?"

"First of all, Mom will kill me if I load you up with more fast food, second of all, she's gonna make you eat her dinner anyways, so just be nice and tell her it's good."

"Ugh," He grumbles watching wistfully into the distance, his thoughts stuck on the combo he was craving. "I should've stayed at Ike's for dinner."

"Yeah, me too," News of the dreaded crock pot had only worsened your day. Sheila on the other hand was an incredible cook, as much as you loved your mom and the effort she put into her meals, nothing would compare to Sheila's brisket. The thought of it almost made your stomach grumble. If you lived with Broflovski's you would've weighed three hundred pounds more. 

Your mind ricochets back and forth between going home or heading to Wendy's with the rest of your friends though the thought of being alone with tobacco burning your throat soothed you.

The drive from the Broflovski's to yours wasn't too long, truthfully, your brother was perfectly capable of walking. The sky transformed into a canvas of deepening shades, the last traces of sunlight giving way to the embrace of twilight. You stole glances at your brother, his animated chatter filling the car with warmth.

You park the car in the driveway behind your dad's car, he would surely yell at you to move it in the morning but that was a problem for future you and a decision you would regret making. You pull up on the street right in front of your house. Weston was quick to hop out of the car, he rushed across the lawn and waited by the front door for you to turn off the car, but you didn't, you just watched and waited for him to go inside.

"Are you coming?" Weston asked.

You stick your head out of the window "Tell Mom I'm stopping by Red's, I'll be back before dinner," Weston rolls his eyes at this, he didn't care for Red, since you started being friends with her you had even less time to spend with your brother. Nights of staying up late with Weston and playing Stardew Valley turned into you hanging out with your friend and getting high. 

"Tell Rebecca to eat a dick!" Weston cups his hands around his mouth.

"I won't do that but good suggestion," You call back before stepping on the peddle and moving back down the familiar streets. It was just past six and there hadn't been anyone outside, everyone was tucked away in their respective home, warm lights from windows spilling into the darkening sky. 

You didn't go to Red's, you just kept driving until you ended up at a gas station on the outskirts of town. It had long passed the dinner you promised to be home for, instead of eating the crock pot monstrosity, you opt for something with a sweeter taste, a cigarette and a bag of teriyaki beef jerky. You sat on the curb watching cars roll past, their headlights framing you like you were on stage. You just craved the aloneness you so rarely got.

You shuffle through the cafeteria line, undecided on what you want to eat but settling on one of those sugar-free drinks that are worse for you than just grabbing a regular soda for a drink. "Keep it moving, Junkie," Cartman says from beside you. God how he irked you, it was in his nature to be unbearable.

"What? Not like it's going anywhere, I'm more worried for the people in line behind you who have to eat crumbs."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" He asks adding a paper plate of ribs to his tray and then another.

"It means you're fat."

He shrugs "Doesn't bother me," Cartman had grown to be a little more self-aware, by a little I mean a very small smidgen.

"You're a fat-fat fatty, keep eating fatty," your voice was unwavering. You hadn't had too much of a problem with Cartman throughout school, sure he had been a dick but you never interacted enough for him to be on your radar until he started a rumour about you shooting up heroin in the janitors closet which led to him telling everyone you were a drug dealer. This cursed you with the nicknames of crash, popper, and of course, junkie. When it first happened you weren't even aware, you just sat confused about why everyone was adding your Snapchat and asking about buying stuff from you. Eventually, staff caught wind of this and it only got worse from there.

"Fuck you, crash," He sticks up a middle finger at you "You're a dyke."

You return the gesture "At least I get pussy, lard ass."

"I have tons of sex, you faggot."

"Your hand doesn't count," You say examining the food in the chafing dishes which looked surprisingly good for school food.

"I don't care if you're a girl, I will kick your ass," He starts to get in your face but you don't bother to acknowledge it, still looking through the food options. 

"I bet if I pushed you over you would just keep rolling."

"Whatever bitch."

"Hurry up, butterball," Bebe cuts in front of Eric who has a look of pure seething rage on his face. She looks beautiful as always, blonde curly hair falling in perfect ringlets and framing her dainty face. She's wearing a red off-the-shoulders sweater and low-waisted jeans, it's such a simple outfit but Bebe manages to make it look unique and expensive.

"Fuck you, Bebe," he turns a middle finger to her, "Go shoot up with your little lezzy girlfriend." That was another rumour that he successfully sparked, that you and Bebe were secretly dating. The two of you found it funnier than the heroin thing and played into it on occasion. 

"You're so fucking stupid," Bebe wrinkles her nose in distaste of the chubby kid in front of her "Don't crack the floor when you waddle over to your table, fat ass," She adds a yogurt parfait onto her tray and keeps moving down the line, you follow in suit.

The two of you hand the lunch lady your cafeteria card but your eye snags on something else entirely "Where's Wendy?"

Bebe looks in the same direction as you where your entire friend group sits, minus Wendy who you could've sworn was there only moments ago. Her tray still sat in front of her spot on the table "She's talking with Stan I think."

"What?" You look at the blonde text to you while you find your table "Are they getting back together or something?"

"She was saying she wanted to work things out with him last night, you'd know if you were there."

"Why didn't she tell me?" You furrow your eyebrows as you glance at Stan's regular table where he was also absent from. The second thing you noticed was how irritated Kyle seemed, likely because his best friend would be opting to spend time with Wendy again instead of him. Cartman plops himself down next to the ginger, only making Kyle more agitated. When Kyle looks away for a split second, Kenny steals food off his plate and blames it on Eric. “I would never steal food from a dirty Jew!” He says, voice carrying over every other conversation in the room.

"She might not have told because you can be a little-" Bebe searches around for a word that'll soften the message "Abrasive?"

"I'm not abrasive," You say as you sit yourself down at the cafeteria table, immediately met by curious glances from the rest of your friends. This made you question yourself. Had you been so blunt that your best friend didn't want to tell you what was going on in her life? Yes. You didn't know how else to be, it was wired into your system; born from the way you were raised, like a wild animal who fought for scraps, if you didn't kill, you wouldn’t eat. Your family wasn’t really complete, it was more like something like a mom who worked herself to rust and a dad who popped in and out like some kind of disappearing act.

No one bothers to dig deeper into your sentence, already enraptured in their conversation. "I wonder how Tolkien feels about it," Lola asks, leaning in a little to where Nelly sits on the other side of the table, seemingly hanging onto every word.

"I know!" Nelly says, unable to fight the smile that formed on her face every time she gossiped "Did you notice how he isn't sitting where he usually is." At this, everyone turns their heads to Tolkien's regular table, where he’s MIA from.

Halfway through sucking the meat off of his ribs, Cartman notices everyone at your table staring them down. He glances around the table before deciding that you are looking at him, barbeque sauce smeared over his mouth and down his fingers. "What the fuck are you looking at?" He calls out, now drawing the attention of the cafeteria to you and your friends who quickly avert their gazes back to their food.

You meet Kyles's eyes for just a moment, you can read loud and clear that he's annoyed Wendy's back in the picture and she'll be poaching his best friend from him. Despite the act he's trying to portray of being indifferent, you can tell there's a storm brewing beneath his green eyes.

In your pocket, your phone buzzes and you look at it.

McWhoremick: what was that about?

You: Cartman looking rancid

McWhoremick: fair

McWhoremick: wanna hang later?

You: fo sho

You: junkyard?

McWhoremick: yup

McWhoremick: see ya :P

"What's that?" Red peaks down at your phone from next to you, her chin resting on your shoulder "Is it Wendy?"

"She's been weird lately," Jenny says, she doesn't look up from her mac and cheese, just pushes it around absentmindedly with her fork.

"Probably because all of you are talking about her like she's not our friend," Heidi peeps up for the first time in the conversation. You're a little surprised that she's eating lunch with you, in recent days she's been so busy with sustainability club that it's taken up all of her lunch breaks.

Heidi was right as usual. It didn't feel right to be talking about Wendy when she was twenty metres away, it didn't feel right to talk about her at all. The group fell quiet at this, trying to search for another topic that didn't involve speaking poorly of your friend.

"So," Red starts "Who's excited for the basketball game?"

You really weren't, you had no intentions of going though you were sure your parents would make you go to support Kyle. "I think I'll go to watch Kyle," Nichole comments. Your head whips to look at her immediately, it only made sense that she was over Tolkien after what happened with Wendy but you hadn't expected her to go for Kyle.

"Uh oh," Annie says, a small smile playing on her face. Lately, she had taken good care of her curls, a stark difference from the frizzy mess that was stuck on her head all through middle school.

"Nichole," You say, staring her down "Are you okay?"

"Sorry to say this," Bebe pipes up, not one hundred percent tuned into the conversation "He actually isn't the piece of shit that you make him out to be."

"You don't-

"Know him like I do?" Heidi finishes your sentence for you. Something you had repeated over and over again when trying to get your point across that he was evil and no one could see it but you.

"I'd do it," Lola shrugs and your face contorts in disgust.

"Ew," You say with haste, fighting the urge to gag on your food. "Do you guys realize that he's ginger under that hat?"

Everyone is unsurprised at your disdain for him, even though you tried not to talk about him so you didn't seem obsessed, every now and then, the start of a rant would slip out and that would turn into you rambling on and on about every little annoying detail about him. You wondered for a brief moment if he did the same when walking about you.

"What is it that you hate about him anyway?" Red asks.

You rack your brain for a truly solid reason you can't say that it irritated you how Kyle ran the opposite way of you on the trail on your nightly run, it was the most dreaded part of the day, brushing past him and pretending not to notice. You also couldn't delve into the fact that he always had a bored, unimpressed expression on his face when he talked to you. "Everything." You answer "I hate everything about him."

"Okay gang," Mr Waterman claps his hands together once everyone is finally seated. "I know we're getting close to the end of the year and it's exciting but there is always work to be done." He was in his thirties, a little on the shorter side, with brown hair, glasses, and lean for a teacher though it made sense since he doubled as the basketball coach. He had tried his best to be funny though his jokes usually fell flat but you found yourself laughing out of pity like it was second nature.

Wendy sat next to you, you hadn't pressed her about Stan (despite wanting to) and she hadn't brought it up. Kyle sits next to a guy whose name slipped through the cracks of your mind and stays completely silent while the teacher gives his spiel about hard work and effort.

"This will be our final seating change for the year, so if you're next to someone you don't like know it'll be over by the end of June," Mr Waterman sits himself at his desk dead in front of every lab table, shares his computer screen to the projector, showing the new seating arrangments "Alright, here are your lab partners until semester end."

You scan the whiteboard for your name and your breath hitches in your throat when you see it next to Kyles. Kyle whips his head to look at you, your gazes matching in utter terror. You had relished in the fact that You had gone the entire semester without talking to Kyle a single time in biology class.

There weren’t desks in the science labs but black tables built for two people since they worked out better for experiments, there you were stuck at the back of the class with the ginger demon spawn.

"Mr Waterman?" You raise your hand but speak before he even calls on you "You need to move me or I'll kill myself."

"Woah," He puts both of his hands out "Let's not joke about that-

"I'm not joking," You cut him off, tone dead serious. Wendy tugs at the hem of your shirt, trying to get you to sit back down, you just cast her a glance before looking back to the short teacher. "I will kill myself." 

"Can you and Kyle please come up here so I can talk to you," At Mr. Waterman's words, Kyle shoots you a malicious glare. 

"When you cause a scene about not wanting to sit next to someone it can be hurtful," Mr Waterman addresses you, his tanned hands grasped together. Bless his heart, Kyle thought he was getting in trouble and it would put a dent into his perfect record, the kid never even missed a day of school. You and Kyle stand side by side, in front of Mr Waterman's desk, careful to keep a distance between you.  "Think about how Kyle feels right now-

"I feel like I wanna slit my wrists." He deadpans, face unreadable as ever.

"Do you guys need someone to talk to?" Mr Waterman furrows his eyebrows, lowering his voice.

"No," You say, crossing your arms “Not unless it's to get a gun so I can blow my brains out."

"Okay," He repositions himself to sit taller "Can you please tell me why you don't want to sit next to each other, I'm sure we could work this out." You waste no time trying to get yourself away from Kyle, listing off all of his little habits that annoy you. Kyle, on the other hand, bites his tongue. He didn't want his teacher to think poorly of him, not when there was still a little over a month left of the worst year of school he'd ever put himself through.

"Kyle?" You furrow your eyebrows, waiting expectantly for him to go off on how you were disruptive and rude but he sort of just stood there. For a brief moment, you thought he was having a stroke.

"It's fine," At his words, your mouth goes ajar and your eyes widen. You had thought that the two of you stood in solidarity for one thing, you wanted to get away from each other. 

"Is it really?" You say through gritted teeth. 

"Yeah," He looks at you then back to Mr Waterman "It's just a childhood rivalry, we're just being immature," It took a lot for him to swallow his pride. Kyle just knew he had to get through June and then senior year would be smooth sailing. 

"Well," Mr Waterman says and you can tell he's prepping himself for a speech "It seems to me like the two of you could benefit from this seating arrangement. When you get jobs you won't get along with everyone you work with-

"We both have jobs already," You cut him off and Kyle shuffles awkwardly where he stands while the rest of the class chats idly and waits for the lesson to start.

Mr Waterman casts you a look and clears his throat before picking up where he left off "And I understand that sometimes, personalities clash, but we're a team here, and teamwork requires cooperation and understanding. You both have so much potential, but that potential can only be realized when you learn to work together, to support each other, and to lift each other up, rather than tear each other down."

Kyle's mind must've been somewhere else completely, it was like he was in airplane mode, nodding along to everything Mr Waterman was saying. Though you could feel boredom creeping up, fighting yourself to pay attention to the genuinely useless pep talk.

"I want you to take a moment and think about what it means to be part of a team," Mr Waterman urged, his voice gentle yet persuasive. "Think about the strength that comes from unity, the power that comes from collaboration, and the joy that comes from shared success. Both of you are strong students and I can see you doing very well working together on labs and assignments, okay?"

"Yup," You nod your head, giving a thumbs up so he would excuse you and this would blow over.

"Okay," Kyle says.

A smile forms on Mr Waterman's face, he leans further back into his desk chair. "I think I can sense a friendship forming here, now go take your seats."

You laugh awkwardly, quickly brushing past Kyle to sit in your new spot at the back of the class. You were stuck sitting next to Kyle and behind Eric Cartman, how did he get into AP biology? You weren't one hundred percent sure though you heard Isla say that it was a misplacement that never got corrected.

Once again, Mr Waterman calls the class to capture their attention. Writing about the new unit on the whiteboard in a red dry-erase pen that was squeaky and running out of ink. You ruffle through your backpack, trying to find your binder while everyone else is rapidly taking notes. You pull out a stack of textbooks and some personal reading for English, finally finding your science binder. 

"Why are you reading Mein Kampf?" He looks at the book that rests on top of the stack, it's old and beaten up and smells a bit like stale orange juice, the cover holds the jarring image of Adolf Hitler.

"Because I'm racist," You say, sarcastically but Kyle doesn't pick up on this and seems a little taken aback "Joking, obviously, it's for history."

He averts his eyes back to the whiteboard. Mr. Waterman speaks briefly on physiology, before wiping the board clean and unfreezing the projector where he set up a slide show. As most science teachers do, he clicks through the slide show and waits for his students to take notes, answering the few questions that the kids have.

"Shit," You mutter as the teacher skips to the next slide before you could finish copying what was on it. You glance at Kyle "Uh, did you write all of that down?”

Wordlessly, he pushes his paper towards you to copy it, he keeps his eyes trained on the board. His writing was neat, it looked like it could've been a font, each word spaced out almost precisely from the next. Cartman snakes his head around and then moves his entire body when he sees the two of relatively civil. 

"Jews got a boner for the junkie," Cartman says, a little louder than intended. Next to him, David looks beyond annoyed, he’s gripping his pencil so tightly that you wouldn’t be surprised if he broke it.

"Shut up, fatass," You and Kyle manage to say in sync before you look at each other in disgust that your thoughts matched up.

"I fucking hate high school." You say under your breath, turning to look back at your notes and pushing his back toward him.

"Me too," Kyle says and you're actually on the same page for a change, you're not sure if you like it.

A/N: I hate this but here it is anyway 😔 I promise it gets more interesting. Open to head cannons and requests rn. Thanks for reading!

[sunny-ssunset]

Honest south park dating headcanons🔥💯

dividers by pinterest

♡Im writing so much bc i literally have nothing else to do so enjoy 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯

♡Anyways honest headcanons about how i think the main 4 would act in a relationship with you (all aged up) mostly gender neutral but there is like mentions of boobies :)

TW Mentions of s*x, dr*gs and v*mit

Stan

•Honestly you wouldnt have to put much effort in to get with him

•Mother fuckers desprate for love

•Hes actually a bit of a wreck once you date him

•Crying because he is scared you'll leave him

•You are defo a rebound

•To be fair he'd start to fall for you though

•And because of that he'd throw up all over you

•He'd break up with you if wendy said she missed him

•In his eyes theres always someone better

•And im sorry but he moves on fast

•If wendy breaks up with him again though

•Expect a drunk call at 3 am saying how much he misses you and how he fucked up and if you can get back together

•Its your choice if you get back with him though lmao

Kyle

•He is extremely awkward

•Kyle has high ass standards so when he sees someone that meets those standards he'll fall hard

•This man cannot talk to people he likes

•If he doesnt like you he is the rizziest rizzler ever

•And 0 rizz if he does lmao

•He'd start SWEATING

•He would be stumpted for words

•Then when you leave he'd blame someone else for 'fucking up his chance'

•If however you did start dating him (god knows how)

•He'll probably dump you over the smallest thing

•If you vape or smoke though its a big no no

•And like you would argue over the smallest thing

•He'd rant and rant and rant and rant about something cartman did that day

•Probably would put work or school before you

•He forgets your his s/o sometimes

•He'll treat you like a therapist

•However he is really fucking good in bed 😩😏

Cartman

•This man would always be looking out for no. 1

•Genuinely would not give a fuck about you until you show any value to him

•Kyle has a s/o? DAMN GUESS WHO ALSO HAS ONE NOW

•Always trying to prove he is better than everyone else (especially kyle)

•He listens to alpha male podcasts

•Andrew tate supporter

•To be honest despite him also being plus sized

•He wont date someone who is also plus sized

•Its because andrew tate said he can do better

•He is delusional and doesnt believe you when you say he is fat

•Its apparently just baby fat

•He would let you in on his schemes and let you tag along but would also throw you under the bus and say it was all your idea if he gets caught

•Manipulative as fuck

•Would get pissy if you said no to anything he asks you

•He'd leave you because "He can do better"

Kenny

•He fucking stinks

•Its either he'll stink of zaza or just plain stinkyness

•He like never showers even when he had the opportunity to

•He'll have a huge crush on you and you'll find out through other kids

•Cartman probably spread it around

•He'll always be staring at your boobs or ass

•Says word like "GYATT DAMN" "WHAT THE SIGMA"

•He doesnt have tiktok only youtube shorts

•Has a shitty cracked iphone 6 in rose gold with no case

•He'll be very loyal like he would never get with someone else

•However always staring at someone elses boobs or ass if not yours

•Will compare you to 'attractive celebrities'

•Hes done many many dr*gs

•Him and his mates probably made a list of all the hottest people in the school (god knows where you are on it)

•He has no rizz at all because hes extremely shy

•Probably only got with you bc of how big your gyatt was

•Hes always really h*rny

dividers by @k1ssyoursister

[kwnnys]

— kyle, eric, & kenny w a dirty minded reader (platonic) !

hcs : g/n reader a/n : this idea was haunting my mind and I js had to write it 😓😓 also I originally wanted to add stan but I had no ideas for him sorry 😭😭 warning(s) : nsfw mentions

— kyle broflovski

DUDE IS TIRED OF YOUR SHIT.

you and cartman are the reason why hes this close to going insane

you love bothering him with silly jokes that make his face as red as his hair, bursting out laughing as he pinches the bridge of his nose

especially in public. you two would be sitting beside each other in the assembly hall when you randomly get a dirty thought. grinning evilly as you whisper said thought in the gingers ear.

his head will immediately cock towards you and he'll give you the most DISGUTING and STANKIEST expression known to man.

you only laugh it off.

you also like to bother him with 'does the carpet match the drapes?' questions, to which he always refuses to answer.

physically gags whenever he sees you staring at some person all drooly.

you draw dicks on his homework when he isn't looking. in pen.

— eric cartman

one of the few people that actually tolerates your shitty humor.

he snorts at most of your jokes, and he considers you as his 3rd best friend after butters and kenny.

you two like tag teaming against stan and kyle whenever they get TOO close, much to the disappointment of the duo.

"I love you, kyle" "I love you too, dude" "jesus, why don't you two go and makeout at this point." "yeah, grind on each others dick while you're at it!"

usually ignores you when your gawking at some hot person, but occasionally tells you to shut up.

he does get annoyed sometimes when you're restless and joke around too much for one day.

HATESS whenever you make jokes about his mom. will literally throw hands and tell on you.

calls you a horny virgin

used to rip on you 24/7 till you 'jokingly' said you were into it.

— kenny mccormick

the most iconic duo ever.

the only person that understands you and your dirty mind 😞

you guys CONSTANTLY ogle at random hot people, whispering and giggling to each other as said person just stares at you two in concern.

you both also exchange playboy magazines all the time. and you two are hella sketchy when doing so.

"got the goods, ken?" "yeah, got it right here"

the group thought you were doing drugs at first tbh.

you and kenny are always fueling dumb ideas and questions into each others minds

you two are also each others wingman/wingwoman 🤝

you guys made a pact a few years ago that if at 35 you were both still single, you'd get married

jokes about who has the bigger dick constantly (even funnier if you're afab)

kenny is probably the kind of guy to moan randomly during class, you both think its the funniest shit ever.

you guys like to buy flavored lube and rate it. probably also fed it to cartman once telling him it was some candy.

[lumnries]

┆．pairings main 4 x gn reader

┆．synopsis matching w him!!!!

┆．cw cussing

✉️ … i’m back w another one!!!! my reqs are still open :3 FOR MY CURRENT REQS, I’M DOING YOURS WHEN I WAKE UP 😁😁 they're aged up here as usual

stan ⊹ matching earrings

OKAY HE’S A BIT CONFUSED. he’s heard of people matching things, but when you suggest it he’s all ???

he definitely lets you pick what you want to match. since you did ask him first, he may as well let you decide what you want. & when you finally picked something out, he was kinda stunned. like ohmygod EARRINGS??? 😦😦😦 he thought you meant something more simple, like keychains but it’s not like he’s complaining

HE’S SO HAPPY WHEN YOU GUYS GO OUT AND WEAR THEM. he never takes them off, like ever.

“stan, do you like this one?” his gaze turns to the earring you’re holding. he briefly looks at it before nodding and quickly muttering a yes. “okay! i’ll buy it.” he panics as you take out your wallet, not wanting you to spend your money. “how about i pay for it? i may as well buy it since you were the one who thought of it.” you let out a snicker as you smile at him. “you always pay for our dates. let me repay you by this.” he sighs, murmuring something about you not needing to repay anything. he decides to let it go, knowing he couldn’t convince you.

kyle ⊹ matching keychains

LISTEN, HE PROBABLY THOUGHT OF GETTING MATCHING KEYCHAINS FOR THE BOTH OF YOU WHEN HE WAS RANDOMLY SCROLLING THROUGH HIS PHONE.

at first he wonders what you’d want, however he’d probably just go for the most common choice. why? because he does NOT care wtf you guys get as long as it’s something you’d like ‼️‼️

today, you were gonna meet up with your boyfriend, kyle. since it was the weekends, you guys planned to do a study date at his house. he told you he’d help you with your homework, but just now, he texted you to tell you that he had a surprise. saying you were excited was an understatement. currently, you’re in your boyfriends room. he welcomes you in, as he tells you to take a sit on his bed. he then takes out two keychains that had the design of both your favorite animals. he hands his to you. “i saw something yesterday, & bought these for the both of us. you have mine, i have yours. now we have something to remind us of each other.” you can’t help but grin at the boy, and give him a kiss in the cheek.

cartman ⊹ matching pjs

he just saw some cute pjs and instantly bought it thinking abt u 🙏

IT EITHER HAS THE DUMBEST OR PLAINEST DESIGN.

HE DEF VISITS YOU RANDOMLY JUST TO SEE YOU WEARING IT. he wants to make sure you like it 😭😭

“CARTMAN, WHAT THE FUCK.” you’re dumbfounded, seeing your boyfriend outside your window. it was 1 in the morning, and he was out here with just his pajamas. you went out with a jacket in your hand, worried. you’re now outside only to be met with his satisfied expression. you put the jacket on him & smack him, to which he groans at. “what was that for??? i just wanted to see you.” you sigh, knowing he meant well but couldn’t help but worry. “you know, i’m fine with you visiting me but at least try taking of yourself. you could’ve gotten a cold…” he whines, but understands your concern. “fine, not because i’m listening to you but because i don’t wanna get sick and miss my classes with you again.” he looks away. you laugh at his antics only to receive a glare. “my bad. but why’re you here at one? is it something important?” he smirks. “of course, i had to see if you were wearing my gift.” you stare for a moment before you cackle. you whisper a low of course before inviting him in to sleep with you for the night, not wanting him to be troubled by the algid air.

kenny ⊹ matching lego sets

GUYS. LISTEN. i saw these rlly cute lego sets on pinterest & was like “omg this is perfect” BECAUSE THEY’RE SO CUTE

anyways, you probably buy them because you were originally looking for a gift to give karen but the moment you saw the set you just knew you HAD to buy it.

HE WAS SURPRISED, LIKE YOU GOT ME A GIFT TOO??? he was straight up crying happy tears like u’re so thoughtful 🙁🙁

“well, i’m just glad your sister liked the gift. we should take her out next time.” you say to the blonde boy. he nods, seemingly lost in thought. “ken? you good?” you ask. the male jerks his head to look at you and apologizes. “you know you can tell me anything.” you reassure him as he laughs. confused, you open your mouth to speak but he cuts you off. “no, i’m just curious why there’s still something in the bag.” he points to the said object. “oh! wait a moment.” you get up & take the bag as you walk back to kenny to hand him the bag. he’s confused for a moment before he checks the inside and sees two lego boxes. “what do you think?” you watch him as you wait for a reaction, and you see his beaming smile. he turns to you & hugs you as he thanks you over and over for getting him a gift.

[jewbeloved]

hi there, love your writing! would you be willing to write main 4 + clyde, where they’re hanging out with their crush late at night, and their crush falls asleep on them?

Team Stan + Clyde hanging out with their s/o at night🌃😴🌌❤️

Warnings: None

Gender: Neutral

💙 Stan Marsh ❄️

Learning to go on crazy adventures and some mischievous things with the boys, you texted Stan if you both could hang out at midnight.

Stan agreed, quality time is one of his love languages and he wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to spend time with you <3❤️

You both made sure your parents (or siblings) were asleep before you guys started your midnight crazy fun.

You guys played video games down in the basement, tp a teacher's house because she pissed you both off, pillow fights, and etc.

You were having so much fun that you ended up falling asleep while rambling about everything you both did together.

Stan blushed a bit and he didn't know what to do so he just stayed still while you sleep on him before drifting to sleep himself after a while. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

💚 Kyle Broflovski ♻️

He was a bit annoyed and confused on why you called him at midnight. The boy just want his beauty rest >:C

Being stubborn, you climbed up the tree that was near his window and jumped onto his bed because, in south park. The windows are always opened 😋

Kyle made a pouty face while you refuse to get out of his room. But you know that he's secretly happy that you're here, why wouldn't he enjoy your presence?

So you guys ended up doing the fun ideas you had planned for this night.

Even though Kyle was a bit tired, he tried his best to keep his eyes opened as you rambling about something random you thought while you both watch something on your (device).

After another couple of mins, you both fell asleep together at the same time <3.

Ike eavesdropped on you both the whole time 💚💚💚💚

❤️ Eric Cartman 🍓

Being the little devious child he is, he is obviously the one who purposed the idea of doing something mischievous with you after everyone else is asleep.

You basically often follow out with Cartman's plans unless it's something dangerous then no.

You do worry for Cartman's safety even though the stuff he does pisses other people off, you can understand why they would be upset with him. After all, you're friends with/dating a sociopathic racist kid :>

Once your little hangout is over, you both managed to get back to bed without being spotted. I wonder what Cartman did to make you both have such good luck with that :O

You soon realized that this was going to be a daily night routine-❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

🧡 Kenny Mccormick 🎃

You both are always on the same page, you didn't have to tell each other what you were going to do this night.

Oh my god, you both ended up doing 49 activities together in one single whole night! Kenny definitely didn't make any dirty jokes in between.

How did you both managed to not caught? You both placed corks into your parents' ears so they couldn't hear a single thing. (You also did the same to your siblings if you have any).

When you first fell asleep on Kenny after a lot of fun together, he will chill and calm about it. He let you lean on him while he wrapped his parka around you like a blanket so you would get cold.

He secretly likes it whenever you sleep on him, it gives him an excuse to snuggle up close to you🧡🧡🧡🧡

❤️ Clyde Donovan 🔫

He almost pissed himself when you suddenly appeared onto his bed and scared him. (You were hiding in his room while in the dark.

You always liked to tease Clyde playfully and hang out with him, and since your parents are asleep you saw this as a perfect opportunity to bring him over to your house to talk about stupid stuff, play games, and etc together.

You even taught Clyde how to crave a jack-o'-lantern since he wasn't sure how to do it.🎃🎃

Clyde was a complete blushing mess when you fell asleep on him. Like Stan, he wasn't sure what to do besides staying still and letting you sleep on him.

He probably even went through 5 stages of grief at the moment.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Already October? Damn time flies way too fast.🎃🎃🎃

[spark-w-chlo]

more than just friends

poly!main 4 x fem!reader sfw oneshot

please enjoy you guys!

For two years now, I've been tightly wound in the warm embrace of Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny. Platonically of course. The tip of my pencil tapped incessantly against my paper as my chin rested in my hand. I first developed a crush on Stan, but the worries of breaking up a friendship forced me to wait. And then there was Kyle. And then Cartman and Kenny. It was no longer a fear of ruining my friendship with them. It was ruining my life. These four stupid boys had become my world, my family.

"Y/N!" Mr. Garrison called out. He's followed the boys from third grade into senior year of high school, or so they say.

"Um, yes?" I sat up straighter, my pencil ending its assault on the paper.

"Just because the year ends in two periods does not mean you can just doze off." He scolded. It didn't last long though, Mr. Garrison turned back to the board and continued on.

"You okay y/n?" Kyle was leaning over from his desk beside me. Almost immediately I attempted to shush him but Stan was already turning around in his seat in front of me. Kenny began playing with my hair from behind and Cartman threw a balled up piece of paper at Kyle, narrowly missing my nose. Now all their attention was on me.

"Yes. I'm fine." I muttered. I didn't want to be reminded that our senior year ended in two periods. That these four boys who I loved so much in this school I held dear were going to disappear.

"Tell the truth y/n." Stan tutted. I rolled my eyes, swatting Kenny's hand from my hair. The bell rung and I almost jumped from my seat.

"I'm. Fine." I growled out. I shoved my notebook into my bag and left the class as quickly as I could. I knew I wouldn't really lose them. They had all peeked at my college application list to figure out where I was going. Kyle and Stan applied and got accepted, just as I had. Cartman and Kenny said they were just along for the ride, that they'd "follow me anywhere."

And they are. The four of them found a place for us to live in near campus. So we'd all go to the same place. But we wouldn't be the same people.

I didn't even realize I was in front of my locker until Kenny poked me.

"y/n?" He mumbled, his mouth covered by his hood. Kenny and I had a... different relationship from the others. We'd hang out and snuggle and watch movies. He said he wanted the human contact. I just wanted to hold one of the boys I loved. I mean, how ridiculous? Being in love with four-

Kenny's hand slammed against the locker beside mine.

"What is it." He asked me. His soft, comforting voice now hard and commanding. I almost started to sweat.

"It's nothing." I muttered, closing my locker after retrieving my book.

"y/n-" The bell cut him off and I turned to look at him. Further down the hall, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman walked towards us. All four of them looked angry.

"I have to go to class." I turned and basically sprinted towards my last two classes of the day. Only four of my classes contained all four boys. My last two were with Kyle, but we had assigned seats. It didn't stop him from staring at me from across the classroom. I rushed out of the class the second that bell rang too. I skipped the second to last class. I remained in the bathroom, crying into my hands.

I wouldn't really lose them. But they'd go to parties, they'd meet other girls, bring them back to our place. My heart would shatter, watching them meet girls and fall in love and move on from me, leaving me behind. I choked down a sob as I buried my hands into my face again.

-------------------------------------<3--------------------------------------

I stood at the door of Stan and Kenny's class, waving my hands at them urgently. Stan gave me a weird look before raising his hand. Kenny followed suit and they came out into the hallway together.

"What's going on?" Stan asked. Kenny nodded in agreement.

"y/n isn't in class. It's english. She never misses english."

"I got your text." Cartman huffs from behind me. "I came as quick as I could, where's y/n?"

"We don't know." Stan said, his body rigid. It might seem dramatic but the four of us had that tendency when it came to y/n. She was our girl, and while she didn't know it yet, she would soon.

"Jesus, we arranged our class schedules for this specific reason." Cartman grumbled, crossing his arms. Kenny rolled his eyes.

"Has anyone thought to text her?" The four of us raise our phones to show unanswered texts.

"Duh." I rubbed a hand over my face. "All right, let's split up. We need to find her before our last class."

The next thirty minutes passed slowly, the four of us searching inside and out of the school. Ten minutes before the bell would ring, we met in front of her locker.

"God dammit." Stan ran his hands through his hair.

"Guys, what if she's hurt?" I rubbed my sweaty palms up and down my pants. We've looked everywhere-

"She's not hurt, jew, she's fine." But even Cartman looked worried.

"Guys..." Kenny mumbled, before pointing at the women's restroom. "Did anyone look in there?" We all exchanged glances.

"Fucking idiots." His voice was muffled. But we heard him loud and clear.

-------------------------------------<3--------------------------------------

I splashed water on my face, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Would they be able to tell I was crying? Suddenly, the door opened and I spun, my back to the sink. There they were, my four boys, staring at me furiously.

"What are you guys doing in here? This is the women's restroom!" I looked around anxiously, but I knew no one else was here. The door shut silently behind them as they all came closer to me. Stan grabbed my hand, yanking me into his arms. Limbs were everywhere, wrapped around me.

"Guys?-"

"We were so worried." Kyle muttered into my hair. His hand ran down the back of it. "We couldn't find you and you weren't answering your phone."

"You can't do that y/n. You can't just disappear on us." Tears began to well in my eyes and I sniffled. "I'm sorry." I whimpered. The four of them squeezed me and the dam broke loose, allowing the tears to stream down my face. My cheeks were immediately in Kyle's hands, his eyes searching mine frantically. "What's wrong y/n?!"

I wailed openly now. "I'm a terrible friend. You guys should hate me." I sobbed. The four of them looked to one another confused. "What are you talking about?"

I rubbed my face, still sobbing openly. "Because I love you. I love all of you. I mean, how messed up is that? Loving all four of you at once?! You should hate me for how terrible I am."

Their bodies froze as their stared at me. "What did you say?" I cried more, unable to get the words out. "What did you say y/n?" Cartman shook me violently.

"Fatass! Don't hurt her! She just told us she loved us!" I was turned to face Stan. "Is it true? You love me?" He shook me too as confusion raced through my brain.

"And me? You love me?" "She loves me, y/n loves me!" I nodded quickly, trying to wrap my head around this whole encounter. Cartman began to cry as Stan ran his hands through his hair repeatedly. Kenny was crouched with his head in his hands, and Kyle just stood there. Staring at me.

"We... we love you too." I stared at Kyle in shock. "What? You love me?"

"I love you" "I love you" "I love you" "I love you"

-------------------------------------<3--------------------------------------

This was my first one! Hope you enjoyed and if you have any suggestions or requests to get me going please let me know!

[senseichaos]

WHAT SOUTH PARK CHARACTER DO YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF?

I've currently only written for Butters (lol) so I want to write for others as well, so I'd like to know who you guys would like to see more of!

[behindthescenesoftaylor]

You might be a girl, but you’re my girl.

Cartman X Reader

Summary: you and cartman have a secret relationship and he has a weird way of trying to hide it.

600 words

Here we were again.

You sat down with the girls, a lunch tray sitting infront of you. Today you were being served sloppy joes, but you didn’t eat that, just the delicious fruit served on the side.

From the side of your eye, you could see the boys, Stan, Kenny, Kyle, butters. Eric.

You but your lip anxiously while side-eyeing him. Right now he was going on about something, something you couldn’t hear because of all the chatter around you.

You looked back down at the sloppy-joes that sat untouched, i mean, it shouldn’t go to waste

Eric stopped his normal ranting when he saw you approaching, a light blush settling on his chubby cheeks. We're you about to expose you guys?! What would the boys say, what would they think of him- suddenly a plate was gently placed onto the table infront of him.

“Here, cartman, I’m not eating it so i figured you would want it!”

His normal smirk dropped into a line. He was trying his best to look like his annoyed, normal self.

“You sure he needs more?” Kyle snickered, a few other laughs erupted.

“AYE.” Cartman yelled, looking from the tray to the ginger boy.

You awkwardly pursed your lips and rocked back and forth on your feet.

“Are you sure you didn’t plant any of your girl-cooties in this?” He questioned, a small, fake laugh erupting from his throat. Though, despite his fake play he was putting on for the boys, he couldn’t help but look up to you, still a light blush on his cheeks.

“Cooties aren’t real, Eric.” You crossed your arms. Oh shit- you called him Eric. “I- i mean cartman.” You coughed.

“Of course a girl would say that.” He teased.

“Look, do you want the sloppy Joe or not!?” You asked, fed up.

He just scoffed and slid the tray further towards him. With that you smiled and walked back to the girls table, a couple of confused faces meeting you.

—

After the bell you began to walk towards class when a meaty arm pulled you inside of the janitors closet.

“That was very reckless of you, we could of got caught!” Cartman freaked, his hand still gripping your arm, but not enough to hurt.

“I just gave you a sandwich, cartman” you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. You then smiled, deciding to tease him to get revenge from earlier. You leaned into a kiss before quickly pulling back before your lips could meet.

“Oh wait- i have cooties! I cant kiss you!” You dramatically gasped, the back of your hand touched your forehead and you made that dramatic motion that people make. “I’m so sorry for touching you with my cooties!”

“Babbeeeee” he whined, sloppily grabbing onto your waist. You tried to pull back but his grip got tighter, he backed you up onto the wall before kissing your exposed neck. Let’s just say your v line was helping very much.

“Eric- we can’t- i don’t want to spread my cooties!” You said, your lips turning upwards into a small smile. He continued to kiss upwards, a kis on your neck, jawline, cheek, and then he stopped right before the lips.

“You might be a disgusting girl, but you're my disgusting girl.” He muttered, before finally connecting his needy lips with yours. One hand was on your waist and the other was tangled up with your hair as you both continued with the passionate makeout session.

Suddenly the door rattled and quickly opened. The two of you quickly disconnected, drool was still connecting you two though.

Kyle stood there with a shocked expression, his mouth agape.

“What- the fuck.”

[oniikabuto]

hiii! could i request some eric cartman and Jimmy head canons with a super motherly reader? i love ur writing

synopsis: reader is such a mom friend,,......

characters: eric cartman, jimmy valmer

a/n: oh man i am not a mom friend i hope i did u justice

notes: gender neutral reader who acts kinda sweet and motherly but also a lil protective 😭

— ⛧ e. cartman

he talks a lot. all the time. about everything.

and you listen patiently about everything

he chatters on and on

and you're always listening about his shenanigans

"you did what? that isn't safe, eric!"

once you found out he didn't know how to do math

like at ALL

you helped him, to his disdain

"no, don't you get it? i can just copy tolkien's papers!"

"well, what're you gonna do if tolkien isn't in your class anymore? or if they put you in the front of the classroom? here, i'll show you."

patiently explaining polynomials over and over, never getting short with him

it goes over his head

but he just enjoys being in the library with you tbh

also the way you keep snacks in your backpack and let him go through it

he loves you, man

and he loves his cheesy poofs

"y/n, i'm hungry!"

"smallest pocket on the outside of my backpack", you say, not looking up from your homework.

"fuck yeah."

"don't say that"

"fuck yeah!"

sigh

he's so vulgar. like yeah you swear sometimes when it matters but like?? in public?? all the time???

you've learned to read his face

whenever you feel he might say something stupid in class, you look over at him and give him a disapproving face

he glances over, looks away,

its so hard for him but he doesnt say it. he cant just look at your face and then blurt it out...

the whole class silently thanks you for that

keeping cartman tame is like. the best thing anyone could ask for

he loves you so mucj

— ⛧ j. valmer

you're always the first person he goes to when he wants to tell a new joke.

he pulls out a list and reads them out

and you laugh at all of them!

it makes him so so happy to have you listen to them

even if some of the jokes are really really stupid

you always walk him to his classes and wait by his locker after the bell rings so that you can walk to the bus with him

he lost his pencil again?? no problem

you pull out a perfectly sharpened one with a brand-new eraser.

you're such a lifesaver

whenever he gets a papercut, you've got a band aid in the blink of an eye.

sometimes he likes to text you in the middle of the night about random shit like

j: y/n

j: guess what i just found out?

j: the "why did the chicken cross the road" joke is like... the chicken died. the "other side" is heaven

you: jim it's like two in the morning

you: go to sleep, you're going to have to get up early tomorrow. plus we have a quiz in history

you: goodnight jimmy sleep well!

genuinely worries you when he's up at ass o'clock in the morning like??? are you okay???

he assures you it's no big deal but you still want to make sure he's getting enough sleep ofc

he really loves the way you take such good care of him though

like??? the way you'll give up your jacket in the slushy chunks of snow when the bus is late and he starts shivering

and how you always have a phone charger in your backpack for him

[kira-broflovski]

main 4 boys hcs: cuddling

note: the original request was just for cartman, but i included the other guys bc it would be a bit easier in case someone asked for the others :>

ERIC

he doesn't realise it, but he's pretty good to cuddle

like he's just comfy to lay on and/or put your arms around

doesn't like to admit it, but he likes it when you give him the attention and if it means you have to cuddle him then so be it!

pretends he doesn't like it if there's other people, like if you were both at a sleepover for example

behind closed doors is a different story

like you go to the bathroom and he's acting so dramatic that you got up

"How could you!?"

"Eric-"

"No, Y/N." He put his hands over his face as if he was crying. "You left me out here in the cold! Do you want me to freeze to death!?"

"I needed to use the bathroom," you stated, stifling a laugh.

"Well, now you don't. So get back in."

in other words, he's a little needy when it comes to cuddling

i can imagine he'd like to cuddle while watching something on either the tv in the living room, or on a laptop screen while you lay next to each other in bed

^^ or on his pc monitor if you're in his room - he'll move his chair to the side and bring the monitor closer so you can see it from his bed if you sit up against the wall

STAN

he's not too bothered about cuddling, i mean as long as you're close to him it doesn't matter

however...

he will want to cuddle if something from earlier that day made him jealous, maybe even right in front of the cause of the problem

you're his.

when it's just the two of you, he'll be as close as he can get. likely even having his legs over you and his arms tightly around you.

in regular circumstances, though. he'll probably just have an arm around you, laying on his back, while you lay on your side and wrap yourself around him

KYLE

i can see him liking spooning,, idk why

he'd be the big spoon ofc

imagine this: you're laying on your side, facing away from the door, as you scroll on whatever social media and wait for your bf to come to bed. he finally does after a long night of studying/working and he just collapses onto the bed and snakes his arm around you to bring you closer.

he just likes having you close

expect to wake up like that as well, so let's hope you wake up after him. otherwise you're not getting out of his grip for a while

would probably kiss you on the back of the head as well, usually as a good morning/night thing

KENNY

we all know by now that this mf is touch-starved to hell

so expect to cuddle in every possible way

laying in bed? immediately drapes his arm over you. making some food? his arms are around your waist. hanging around with some friends? ofc his arm is over your shoulder!

he just wants you close!!

also, i can see him being very handsy

or at the very least he would mindlessly trace on wherever his hand is resting, like your arm or back

reluctantly gets out of bed

"Kenny, I have to go to work."

"Call in sick."

[hunnysnoops]

˗ˋ𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕙 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕟𝕤ˊ˗

Chapter Seven: You Are Going to Hate This

Kyle Broflovski x fem reader

Blackout and I need to sit and I wrote this, but it don't mean shit. Why can't I be like you? I miss you and I let you down and your voice is the perfect sound. Why can't I be so cool?

Also available on Ao3 and Wattpad!

Premise: No one thought the school lock-in would go well, they just didn’t know poorly it would play out.

Warnings: mentions of blood and injury / mentions of disease / crude language and humour

MASTERLIST

There wasn't much you had been looking forward to about the school lock-in, the only thing that had slightly piqued your interest was competition. While various activities were being hosted in numerous classrooms, you were prepping yourself for the volleyball tournament in the gym.

A large sum of your friends were on the volleyball team and were also warming up. They had all paired up with each other and as you arrived at the school late, everyone already had a partner, leaving you with Andrew who was talking himself up but didn't have the skills to match.

"What's straight edge?" Annie asks from next to you where she spikes the ball across the net to Nichole, her eyebrows furrowing as she reads your shirt "You're not straight."

"No, it's like a punk movement from the eighties that was against drinking and smoking," You toss the ball high into the air and send it over the net with a satisfying smack. Andrew fumbles the return, the ball bouncing off his forearms and rolling away. He jogs after it, muttering an apology.

"So why are you wearing that?" She's even more confused at the answer. You were wearing a black loose T-shirt made of soft, high-quality cotton. The front of the shirt prominently features a bold white 'X' across the chest, above the 'X' where the words 'STRAIGHT EDGE' in bold lettering. The design includes a small graphic of a broken cigarette and an overturned bottle beneath the text. The back of the T-shirt has a minimalist design with the phrase 'LIVE CLEAN'. Anyone who knew you well had been casting you questioning glances.

"It's a thing for my dad's work, he asked if I could wear it and I said yeah," Your dad worked at a non-profit youth center and that week they were promoting drug abstinence. Weston was also given a t-shirt though he threw it at the back of his closet where it would never see the light again.

"But you aren't actually quitting smoking?"

"No, he was just so excited about it and I felt really bad because no one wanted to wear these goofy ass shirts." You serve the ball again, but Andrew misses the return once more, the ball sailing past him and thudding against the gym floor. A small knot of frustration begins to form in your chest.

"Oh my god, you're learning empathy," Annie turns her gaze back to Nichole, when the ball is headed for her, she braces her arms and bumps it perfectly back over the net.

Everyone else participating in the tournament seemed to have no issues with their partners while they practiced rallies. You take a deep breath and serve again, but this time the ball barely grazes his fingertips before hitting the ground. "Do something, bitch!" You throw your hands out, glaring at Andrew.

"Okay, never mind," Annie sucks a breath through her teeth, taking back the words she said just moments prior. She had been wearing her pink pyjama shorts with little daisies on them and a white tank top, curly hair pinned back into a French braid. Almost all of the students had arrived in their pyjamas which was the majority of some form of flannel pants and a t-shirt.

Despite your efforts to stay calm, Andrew's repeated fumbles and missed returns chip away at your composure. Each errant ball hits the gym floor with a dull thud, amplifying your growing irritation. "Andrew, get your balls in order."

"Jesus, it's not that easy," He tosses the ball up, smacking it in a feeble attempt. His hand lands on the top and sends the ball flying below the net.

"You're supposed to hit it over," You walk over to pick up the ball. Earlier when you had been looking for a partner Andrew couldn't stop talking about how good he was at volleyball but now that you were seeing him in action, you wanted to wrap your hands around his throat or maybe spike his head over the net instead of the ball.

The bandage over your nose was finally gone and the bruising was almost gone completely, all that was left was a little nick on your nose. Without the painkillers making you lethargic, you were back to being hostile.

He rolls the ball back over to you after missing another perfect serve. You move slowly to make sure he's ready for the next pass. You take a deep breath, focusing your energy on the perfect serve. You toss the ball high, your eyes following its arc. As it descends, you leap slightly, making contact with a resounding thud. The ball grazes over the net in a graceful, powerful trajectory, spinning slightly as it cuts through the air.

It's the kind of serve that you know is perfect the moment you hit it.

Instead of moving to meet the ball, Andrew freezes. His eyes widen in a moment of panic, his feet glued to the spot. The ball hurtles past him, as he shrugs away from it. You watch as the ball lands just past him with a thump. "I want a new partner, Andrew fucking sucks."

"Well, you aren't giving me much to work with here," He shoots back.

Slowly, your head turns to look at him "The only thing I would give you is a handful of antidepressants so no one else has to put up with your bitching," You say, pointedly "Get out of here."

"Eat shit and die," He stuck up his middle finger.

"Eat shit and live, Andrew," you returned the gesture, dropping the volleyball and hurryingly scattering to the whiteboard that held every pair's names. With your forearm, you wipe Andrew's name off and think of another replacement to fill the blank space. You glance around the gym seeing Stan on the bleachers and immediately mark down a name with the pink pen.

He was locked in on watching his girlfriend, he sat with Jimmy, the two chatting amongst themselves until you strolled up at record pace "Hi?"

"Hey," you smile, hands on your hips.

"W-what's with the sh-shi shirt?" Jimmy was the fifth person to question the straight-edge shirt laid over your torso.

"Where's Kyle?" You ask abruptly, ignoring the question.

"I'm pretty sure he's in Mr Dubois's classroom," Stan had been wearing thick grey sweatpants and a hoodie layered over a long sleeve despite the warm weather. You could only imagine he was suffocating under there "Why?"

"Thanks," You look towards the large digital clock mounted above the entrance of the gym, ten minutes until the tournament starts.

You sprint out of the gym, your footsteps echoing in the deserted hallway. The fluorescent lights overhead buzz softly as you race past the rows of lockers and closed classroom doors. You dart around a corner, narrowly avoiding a collision with a group of students heading toward the gym.

Pulling your phone from your pocket, you dig around for his number while rushing through the hallway.

New Message-Kyle Broflovski

You: Mf where r u??????????????

You: This is super urgent

You: Right hand to god

You: I'm gonna keel haul you

You read each number carved into the plaques on the doors, searching for room 116 where Mr Dubois taught French. In almost every room there was a different group of kids doing different activities, you pass the drama room where people are huddled up in the dark and watching movies.

The art room had of course been doing pottery and miscellaneous forms of art where everyone had their headphones stuck in their ears and didn't utter a word to anyone else in the room. There were always the kids bumming around in stairwells and corners, scrolling on their phones or hitting their vapes. There was an absurd lack of chaperones.

Finally, you reached classroom 116 where the door was decorated in prints of the French and Canadian flags as Mr. Dubois hailed from Quebec and would never let you hear the end of it if you asked.

Prying the door open, you were slightly taken aback by the sight. You had anticipated it would be a couple of guys sitting around and doing nothing in particular but you were met with the sight of six desks pushed together in the center of the class to form one table and eight guys pulled around it in chairs. They all had a plethora of sheets and colourful dice lying between them.

No one noticed you come in, they were deep in a game of Dungeons and Dragons and chatting amongst themselves. Butters noticed eyes on the back of his head and turned to face you, a smile on his face "Hey," He was one of the few people who turned up in a matching pyjama set, it was light blue and satin almost matching the stark paleness of his eyes "We already started but you can join if you want."

"No, she can't," Cartman countered immediately, he was taking the role of dungeon master. He turns his attention from Butters to you "You can't play."

"I don't wanna play your gay-ass game," You wrinkle your nose "Where's Kyle? Stan said he was in here."

Glancing around at the guys sitting down at the makeshift table, there wasn't even a lock of ginger hair in sight. "Oh, he went to the bathroom," Butters said "So you're not playing?"

"No, I'm not," You say, turning and leaving the door ajar behind you while you continue your way down the hallway once again.

For a beat you stand outside of the boy's bathroom and debate whether or not to enter, glancing around to make sure no one can see you. You rush into the bathroom, slipping through the door and immediately hearing the faint sound of music. You follow the noise, rounding the corner to find Kyle standing in front of the mirror, phone in hand, filming himself lipsyncing.

The very second you laid eyes on the scene before you, you erupted in laughter like a hyena. Eyes wide and mouth agape, Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she gasped for breath between fits of laughter. "What are you doing in here?" Kyle quickly turned his phone off, tucking it into his pocket while heat rose to his face.

"Are you making a thirst-" You couldn't even finish your sentence before breaking into giggles again. Still laughing uncontrollably, you stumbled backward, your legs giving way beneath you. You reached out instinctively, hand grasping the edge of the bathroom counter to steady yourself. Your body shook with laughter, and you leaned heavily against the counter, your face flushed and eyes sparkling with mirth.

"It's not that funny," Kyle said with a straight face.

Your hand moved to clutch your stomach where your ribs were beginning to hurt from laughing so hard, a single tear spilled from your eye. "Can I watch?" You say between chuckles.

"Fuck off," he muttered under his breath and moved to push past you.

You quickly straighten up, rushing to block the door "Woah, woah, woah."

"What do you want?"

"Let's just talk for a second," Slowly you put your hands out in front of you as carefully as a bullfighter would.

"You're in the boy's bathroom," He points out.

"What? Would you rather talk in the girls?" You retort and the annoyance is clear across his face as he reaches past you for the handle but you put your hands on his chest in an attempt to keep him away from it "Okay, sorry. My volleyball partner bailed last minute," You lied, trying to make yourself sound as convincing as possible "And the tournament starts in like, five minutes. Can you fill in?"

"No," His body language was slightly tense, his shoulders hunching forward as if trying to shrink away.

"What?" You sound genuinely shocked "Why?"

"Why would I want to play volleyball for two hours?"

"Because it's with me," You try for a sweet smile but it comes off insincere. You could tell Kyle wasn't buying it as his face remained unmoved and unimpressed "Okay, well, why would you want to play DnD for like eight hours?"

"Oh my god," He turns away from you, running one hand through curly locks while he does a small pace before stopping to face you once more. Kyle hadn't anticipated making a fool of himself in front of you "No."

"Please?" You clasp your hands together like it's going to do something.

"You're friends with everyone on the volleyball team, ask one of them."

"I did and they have partners and I already put your name down to play," you suck a sharp breath through your teeth.

"Just find someone else," He dismisses and you were suddenly wishing you had knocked and avoided embarrassing him entirely. Not only was he naturally athletic but part of you just wanted to be partners with him.

"I'm actually really sorry for laughing at you, I'm learning empathy."

"You don't learn empathy, it's something you're born with."

"I'm defying the norms," You say "I swear to god I will never laugh at you again. You're right, it wasn't even that funny just a little, not a lot."

"Christ," He mutters, one hand pinching his nose bridge.

"You're the only person I trust to actually give it a shot. Please, Kyle?"

Kyle presses his lips into a thin line, rubbing the back of his neck. You can see the gears turning in his head. All he does for a minute is look at you with narrowing eyes before he finally speaks again "Okay, sure."

"Thanks," You smile brightly, opening the bathroom door and ushering Kyle out.

"When does it start?"

"Like three minutes," You shrug.

The two of you pass the door of Mr. Dubois's classroom where Cartman glares at you and Kyle "Kyle, get back here." Cartman pushes himself from his chair "We're in the middle of a campaign!"

"I don't fucking care!" You call back. When you notice Kyle pauses for the briefest moment to look into the room, you grab his wrist and pull him along. He seems a little taken aback but doesn't argue as you drag him through the hall even though he's perfectly capable of finding the gym without contact with you.

"Oh my god," Cartman utters, sitting himself back in his chair, a look of disbelief on his face. "First we lost Stan, now Kyle."

"And Kenny," Butters adds.

"And Kinny," Cartman repeats in solidarity.

"Are you straight edge now?" Kyle furrows his eyebrows as he reads the back of your t-shirt.

"No. God, why does everyone keep asking that?"

"Maybe because you're wearing a straight-edge shirt." He states the obvious.

"Oh shit, yeah," you turn back to briefly to face Kyle and crack a small smile.

You step onto the polished gym floor, the bright lights overhead casting a warm glow that reflects off the glossy surface. The chatter and laughter of other students echoed through the room.

The second you were noticed you were met with odd glances like you were dragging a corpse behind you. Everyone was already beginning to take their places for the tournament or finding a spot on the bleachers "Shit, hurry up, Goliath."

"Goliath?" He narrows his eyes at you as you begin to walk away.

"Dude, just get over here,"

Stan quirks an eyebrow, watching the two of you settle in the center of a court while Coach Dawsey barks out the rules of the tournament. "Alright, everyone, listen up!" Coach Dawsey's voice booms across the gym through the crackly microphone, immediately silencing the chatter. "Before we get started, I want to make sure everyone understands the rules for tonight's lock-in volleyball tournament."

You glance over at Kyle, who's focused on trying to decode whatever Stan is mouthing to him, his eyebrows are drawn in. You nudge him lightly, and he straightens up, shaking his head at Stan and turning his attention to the coach.

"First and foremost," Coach continues, "This is a friendly competition. Sportsmanship is key. No trash-talking or unsportsmanlike conduct will be tolerated unless I can't hear it. Understood?"

A chorus of "Yes, Coach" echoes around the gym.

"Good. Each match will be played to ten points, win by two. We're using rally scoring, so a point is scored on every serve. You all know your positions, but remember to rotate clockwise after winning the serve."

Kyle nudges you back, whispering, "You got all that?"

You shoot him a look but can't suppress a small smile. Coach Thompson's eyes narrow in on the two of you, and you quickly return your attention to him.

"Communication is crucial," Coach emphasizes. "Call for the ball, and make sure you cover your zones. Stay alert and work as a team."

You nod, glancing around at your teammates. Their faces reflect a mixture of determination and nerves, but there's also a spark of excitement. You catch Kyle's eye again, and this time he gives you a serious nod, signalling that he's ready to contribute.

"Lastly," Coach Dawsey says, "Remember to have fun. This is about building teamwork and enjoying the game as well as winning, which is of the utmost importance. So erm, do your best out there."

With that, Coach blows the whistle, signalling the start of the tournament. Each of the four courts is split in two with two teams in each of the half courts. From the other side of the net Heather and Jenny stand, Jenny regards you with narrowed eyes "Isn't Andrew your partner?"

"What the fuck, no," You huff a laugh like the accusation was ridiculous. Jenny looks at the bracket scrawled across the whiteboard for confirmation.

The referee signals the start of the match, and the first serve comes sailing over the net from the opposing team. You spring into action, bumping the ball up to Kyle, who's already moving into position.

"Kyle, yours!" you shout, setting the ball perfectly.

Kyle leaps into the air, his form impeccable, and smashes the ball over the net. It hits the ground just inside the line, scoring the first point for your team. In truth, you hadn't expected him to be so good, the last time you played volleyball with him, you were on a family camping trip and in a continuous loop of trying to beat each other. You can't help but grin.

"Nice spike," you say as Kyle jogs back.

"Thanks, Captain," he replies, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

The game quickly turns intense. Heather and Jenny are good, but you and Kyle find a rhythm, communicating effectively and covering the court with dexterity. Kyle's spikes are powerful and precise, while your sets and saves keep the ball in play.

"Cover left!" you call as the ball comes over the net.

Kyle dives, saving it just before it hits the ground, and you quickly set it up for another attack. The back-and-forth rallies are exhilarating, each point hard-earned. Despite the competitive edge, there's a surprising synergy between you and Kyle.

As the score nears the winning point, tension mounts. It's 14-13, and you need one more point to secure the win. The opposing team serves, and the ball comes at you fast. You manage a perfect pass to Kyle.

"Yours!" you shout, adrenaline pumping.

Kyle takes to the air, his spike aimed with an almost lethal precision. The ball slams down on the opponent's side, untouched. The final point is yours. A few of your friends on the bleachers give you little cheers as the whistle blows, signalling the end of the match.

You turn to Kyle, breathless but elated. "Good shit, man."

"Thanks," He grins.

With the thrill of your first win still buzzing, you and Kyle barely have time to catch your breath before the second match is called. The gym seems even more charged now, the energy from the first game amplifying the anticipation for what's to come.

Coach Dawsey gives you both a thumbs-up from the sidelines as you step onto the court for your next match. This time, you were against Jason and Daniel. You knew Daniel was on the volleyball team, you had seen him a handful of times and he was good but you couldn't speak for Jason who seemed much more out of place than his friend. You glance at Kyle, who glances back at you.

"You good?" you ask, a competitive gleam in your eye.

Kyle gives you a little thumbs up, one hand resting on his hip. The two of you watch as your names are moved up the brackets on the whiteboard while Heather and Jenny's get erased.

The referee blows the whistle, and the game begins. The first serve from the opposing team rockets over the net. You move quickly, receiving the ball and passing it to Kyle. He leaps and spikes it down hard, but the other team manages a quick save, returning the ball with a strong hit.

"Got it!" you call, diving to keep the ball in play. You manage to pass it back to Kyle, who sets up for another spike. This time, the ball hits the ground just inside the line, scoring the first point for your team.

The match is fast-paced, the ball flying back and forth as both teams fight for dominance. You dig, set, and spike with precision, each point driving you a little more.

At one point, the score is tied at 8-8, and the tension is palpable. The opposing team serves, and you receive the ball, setting it perfectly for Kyle. He slams it over the net, but the other team is ready, sending it back with equal force.

You dive to save it, barely managing to keep it in play. "Kyle, heads up!" you shout, scrambling to your feet.

Kyle jumps, twisting in mid-air to adjust his spike. The ball flies over the net, too quickly for the opponents to react. It hits the floor. This was the part of Kyle that you admired, the competitive nature and the drive, on occasion the hot-headed insults even though you spat them right back at him.

As the match progresses, you both dig deep, pushing through the fatigue. The score inches up, point by point, each one harder to earn than the last. Daniel is relentless, but so are you and Kyle.

Finally, it's match point. The score is 14-13, and you have the serve. You take a deep breath, focusing on the target. The ball leaves your hand, sailing over the net. The opponents scramble to return it, but Kyle is already in position.

He jumps high, timing his spike perfectly. The ball slams into the floor on the other side of the net, and for a moment, there's stunned silence. You turn to Kyle, a huge grin on your face, almost vibrating with excitement.

For a brief moment, he catches himself smiling at you, the thought that an act as simple as hitting a ball over a net would make you so happy when he had seen you surrounded by everyone you've ever known with a cake in front of you and still frown.

"Got a couple more rounds in you?" You ask.

"What did you just say?"

When the match ended you had settled back into your separate groups on the bleachers and pretended that you weren't sneaking glances at his little group while you were looking at Wendy. What had really been grating you was that the doors of the school had been locked as per the name of the event, this meant that there wasn't anywhere to smoke without getting caught and you were increasingly growing desperate for that nicotine buzz, so much so that you had chewed you lip until the taste of iron flooded your mouth.

"You don't like Miles anymore?" Nichole looks towards Lola with furrowed eyebrows. Last week she wouldn't stop talking about him.

"What?" This was news to Annie "Why?"

Lola shrugs "Because he's weird, he's an asshole."

"What did he do?" Heidi asked. Everyone paid their full attention to Lola who seemed to squirm a little more with every pair of eyes on her.

"Nothing, he's just, I dunno- he's a dick."

You and Red share a look, this was code for Lola liked him a lot and he didn't return the feelings.

"Where did Wendy go?" You ask abruptly, noticing the disappearance of the girl and glancing around the gym for her.

Nellie sucks a sharp breath through her teeth, quickly looking to Lola for unspoken confirmation if she should say or not "She's with Bebe and Jenny."

"Oh, okay," You say and silence falls over the group, waiting for a bigger reaction. "I don't really care."

"It's okay," Annie nods and places a hand on your shoulder.

"Yeah, I know?"

"Yeah," Lola draws out slowly.

"Um," You brush Annie's gentle hand off and push yourself to your feet "I need to ask Kenny something, I'll be right back."

Feeling more awkward than you should've, you walked over to the group of boys enamoured in what was seemingly a deep discussion until you heard a snippet of the conversation "You're saying that if you could only eat one animal for the rest of your life it would be fish?" Kenny asks with quirked eyebrows and a slightly wrinkled nose.

"Yeah," Kyle says with a knit brow, not understanding why the boys seemed so disapproving.

"Dude, he said animal not sea creature," Cartman says bluntly.

"A fish is an animal."

"Don't start," Cartman's voice is accusatory, you can see him getting riled up already.

"I'm not starting, a fish is an animal," Kyle retorts.

"I'm talking animal-animal."

"And I'm saying fish-fish."

"That's like saying ant, that's not an animal." His face is flushed a stark contrast to the pale, blindingly bright lights overhead.

"Ants are animals, they're arthropods," Kyle's voice raises just the slightest.

Cartman huffs laugh "No they are not, fish and ants are not animals that's like saying bugs and insects are animals."

"Cartman, you are in AP biology," Tolkien throws in as a reminder.

"Yeah, that's how I know what I'm talking about."

"We are in the same class," Kyle says slowly to be sure that it sinks in.

"At least one of us was paying attention."

"A fish is an animal."

"Yeah alright buddy, you don't go to the zoo and see fish hanging around. There aren't zoo fishes."

"There's actually so many fish at zoos-

"There's fish zoos?" Cydle abruptly cuts him off, voice raising "You go to fish zoos?"

Kyle regains himself "There's so many fish at zoos that they have their own attraction called an aquarium."

Cartman shakes his head "Nope, not the same thing, that's for sharks and shit."

"Yeah, for fish."

"A shark is not a fish," Cartman starts laughing. "And an animal is something with paws and shit."

"Is a lizard an animal?"

"No, it's an insect."

"Jesus Christ," You mutter "Cartman, what's a reptile?"

"What's a human?" Cylde asks "Are we animals?

"They are literally classified as Cartilaginous fishes," Kyle ignore Cylde, his jaw is clenched tight and it's easy to tell that such an idiotic argument is grinding at his skull.

"Define fish," Cartman leans back and crosses his arms, waiting for the answer.

"You did not just say that," Kyle deadpans.

"Define fish," He says again.

"You define fish," Kyle almost spits with how fast he's speaking.

"Aquatic."

"Aquatic what?!”

"Aquatic creatures."

"So by your definition, fish are aquatic creatures but a shark isn't a fish?" Kyle asks. The vein in his forehead became so prominent you thought it might burst.

"Please tell me how a shark is a fish," Cartman tilts himself forward, closer to Kyle "Tell me what a fish is."

"They're aquatic vertebrate animals that have gills but lack limbs."

"So I was right."

"No, you aren't, lobsters are aquatic creatures, do you think they're fish?" Kyle asks and Cartman falls silent "Cartman, lobsters are not fish."

"Then what are they?"

"They're a sub-group called decapoda in the malacostracans class but they also classify as phylum Arthropoda."

"I thought they were Crustacea?" Stan chimes in for the first time since you came over.

"They are," Kyle glances back at him then to you then back to Cartman.

"So then how are they all that other stuff you just said?" Cartman asks this like he's finally got Kyle in a corner.

"Because animals are classified under taxonomic categories."

"What is that?"

"Oh my fucking god," Kyle runs his hands down his face.

"Hey, Ken," You put one hand on his bicep and leaned in to whisper into his ear "Do you have any Zyn?"

He turns to face you, looking down at your choice of clothing "There is no way you're in a straight-edge shirt and you're asking me for Zyn."

"Do you though?" With a sly smile, you straightened your posture.

He ran a hand through his shaggy blonde hair, cut into a mullet "Pretty sure I left it in my car,"

"Fuck," Your face drops immediately, unintentionally forming into something of a pout for the first time in what must've been years.

"If you come with me we can grab it."

"Erm, I'm pretty sure all of the doors are bolted closed." You raise a brow, hand still absentmindedly resting on his arm.

"Don't worry about it," He waves you off. "But what do I get in return?"

"How about my undying gratitude?" You offered, your tone laced with mock seriousness.

"Oh, word?" He cracks a grin "I'll be back in a minute," Kenny addresses the group.

"Cool," Stan doesn't even look up at him but Kyle's eyes are trained on the way your fingers trail Kenny's arm, the touch light but lingering as you begin to walk away.

Kenny's beaten-up sneakers squeaked as the two of you crossed the polished hardwood floors of the gym and made your way into the somehow even brighter hallway "So what are your plans for the summer?"

"Mostly working I guess, I haven't made any plans so I guess I'll just figure it out as I go." You really hadn't thought about it. You knew that your parents planned a trip to Mexico to which you and Weston were not invited so the only thing that had come close to a plan in your mind was the thought crossing that you would take Weston on a camping trip while your parents were away.

"Same over here," He shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie "You still working at that restaurant?"

"Yeah, you still working at that gas station?" It had been a hot minute since the last time you had really talked to Kenny and with that simple question, you were beginning to feel guilt pile onto your shoulders.

"Yup, been thinking about picking up a second job for the summer, got nothing better to do."

"Oh, you should apply at my work, I know we're hiring prep and dishwashers," You peeped up. It would make your summer just a little better if you got to work with Kenny. Even if you weren't anywhere near to how close you used to be, it might make those tiring serving shifts covered in steak sauce, garlic butter, and tears just a little better.

"For real? Maybe I will."

You had always thought Kenny was handsome in a scrappy way like a stray dog, it was his disjointed manner that made him so endearing. "So how are we leaving the school?"

He tilted his head, gesturing for you to turn down the hallways with him "There's an emergency entrance in the woodshop but you need to stay by the door and keep it open because it'll lock me out."

"Sweet," You smile up at him, the thought of a nicotine pouch resting on your gums brought you a little bit closer to satisfaction. "We should hang out soon, it's been a while."

"Jeez, I guess it has, a month is kinda long for us or has it been longer."

"I dunno, I lost track," You narrow your eyes, trying to think of the last time you had been with him one-on-one.

He acknowledges this with a hum "There's something I had to grab from my car at some point tonight anyways so this kinda works out."

"What is it?"

"You'll see," He shrugs.

"Kenny, what is it?" Your stomach drops a little bit. Whenever he was cryptic like this you knew there was something in the works within his brain.

"Don't worry," Kenny brushes you off, seemingly unbothered as he usually was.

"Dude, I'm worried."

"Okay, well I think the Zyn will help you with that," He jiggles the handle to the wood shop and holds it open for you.

Immediately you're greeted with the smell of woodchips and little particles of sawdust finding their way into your eyes, you clamp them shut and squeeze until the burning goes away. There isn't a single person inside, you didn't really expect the dusty woodshop to be a popular place to hang out during a lock-in.

"Don't make this a regular thing, I don't wanna see you abusing nicotine."

"I love nicotine, I would never abuse it," You reach for the phone in your pocket to turn on the flash. You wanted to be as discreet as possible, Kenny quietly shut the door behind the both of you.

The woodshop was eery in the darkness, it felt like you were in a horror movie where something would crawl out from beneath the table saw and maul you into a bloody mass of flesh pulsing on the floor.

"This shit is creepy," Kenny muttered, voicing your thoughts.

"I fucking know," You answer, "You think this is where Jigsaw makes his death traps?"

"Oh, definitely."

Kenny had a hand on your back to guide you to the exit door after you had almost knocked over a shelf of students' unfinished projects. Finally, you saw the exit sign hanging above a grey door, illuminated by your flash.

"Okay, just hold the door open but if anyone comes in, shut it and text me when they leave," Kenny yanks it open and the cold air hits you, forcing a shiver out of you.

"Just be quick, please," You take a spot standing in front of the heavy door while you watch Kenny jog away and disappear into the darkness. Kenny's car was what was referred to as a shit box. Every moment you spent in it you just kept thinking 'Okay, now it's going to give out' but it proved you wrong by pushing through with every rusted turn of the wheels.

His car was at the front of the school while you were stationed beside it, arms hugging yourself as the straight-edge t-shirt wasn't helping much to protect you from the cool night that hung on the other side of the doorframe.

Every passing second that Kenny was out of sight you grew just a little more concerned, constantly glancing back at the door of the woodshop. All of the blades and intricate machines seemed menacing when the only light that gleamed off the razor-sharp edges came from your phone.

"Keep the door open!" You hear Kenny's voice off in the distance.

You squint at the dark silhouette that is coming towards you full throttle with something being carried in front of him "Ken, what is that?" As his figure gets closer you can see the item he's holding is moving and squirming in his grip "What the fuck is that?"

The second Kenny steps foot inside you back away from him and let the door lock. He has a huge smile on his face while holding a raccoon underneath its armpits, his bottom half swaying slightly with every movement.

"That was the thing you had in your car?!" You can't help but shout, face contorted in horror at how easy-going Kenny was about holding a wild animal.

He grins mischievously. "Thought it'd be funny to let this little guy have a stroll, he's chill, he'll probably just walk around. Just a harmless prank."

Before you can protest, he loses his grip, and the raccoon drops to the ground with a thud. For a split second, it looks stunned. Then it bares its teeth, hissing angrily. Panic sets in as the raccoon charges toward you both.

"Fuck!" You shot away, weaving through the rows of workbenches and tools, careless not to knock anything over. You kept looking back at the feral animal charging you, bumping down projects and bottles of wood-blinding glue.

It was moments like these when you were glad that you ran track, not that you had ever been pursued by a feral animal before. You had started track initially to be sure you could run in a zombie apocalypse scenario and this was similar enough.

You throw the door to the woodshop open, Kenny follows behind you, regret obvious on his face. The hallways echo with the sound of your footsteps and the angry chittering of the raccoon. You glance back to see it gaining on you, its eyes glinting in the dim light.

Kenny splits down another hallway while you keep running straight, the raccoon chooses to follow you. There isn't anyone in the halls, all you can hear is the chatter within the classrooms. While you were sure you could fight a raccoon, you didn't want to risk the chance that it could bite you and you would forever be the girl who got rabies from a raccoon.

Kyle casually walks down the hallway in your direction, waving when he spots you "Why are you running?"

"Fucking run!" You shout gesturing for him to move in the other direction. He doesn't fight you on this, instead running next to you, trying to decode why you were frantically shifting your gaze all over the place.

"What's going on?" He asks, confusion clear across his face.

You ignore him, eyes catching on a classroom door which is slightly ajar, you snatch his hand and make a B-line for the class, yanking him in after you and shutting the door. You run your hands down your face, chest rising and falling with every shaky breath.

"Is there a shooter?"

"No," you say "It's a raccoon."

Any worry on his face drops immediately "Be serious for a minute."

"I'm so serious Kyle and that thing is insane, it's out for blood."

"Did it bite you or something?"

You yank out a chair from beneath a desk and plop yourself down in it "No and thank god." A scream sounds from somewhere down the hallway and Kyle's eyes widen "We gotta let them fend for themselves, don't be a hero."

"I wasn't planning on breaking any doors down and fighting a raccoon," He retorts "How did it even get inside?"

"Pfft, I wouldn't know man," You shake your head, making forceful eye contact.

"You let it in?"

"Kenny did."

"Mother fucker," he mutters. "That asshole."

"It's really not that big of a deal," You cross your arms and lean back in the chair, quick to defend Kenny even though you weren't thrilled about a wild animal set loose in the school you would pretend to be for his sake.

Kyle turns to face, jaw clenching tightly and you already regret your words "It's not that big of a deal?"

"Yeah," You say, firmly "It's really not."

His voice steadies, the rise of anger ringing clear in his tone  "Do you have any idea how many people could be hurt because of this?"

"It's fucking funny, Kyle," You exasperate, standing up from the chair and taking a stride toward him.

"How is this funny?"

"It's a raccoon that terrorizes a school, how is that not funny?"

"What if it had rabies?" 

"Kyle, that's life. Sometimes a raccoon is gonna break into a school and attack teenagers," You try to sound nonchalant but there's agitation clinging to your words "Life ain't all cookies and cream, lil fella."

"Do not ever call me lil fella."

"Sorry, lil fella," You shrug.

"Don't act like you weren't shaking in fear two minutes ago."

"I was and two minutes later it's hilarious, I would be laughing my ass off right now if you weren't about to punch a wall."

"I'm not going to punch a wall," Kyle sneered. 

"Are you gonna make a TikTok about it then?" 

"Jesus fucking Christ," He uttered looking away from you. 

"Acting like you've never done stupid shit before," You spit, moving closer until you're inches away from him. You felt that familiar surge of anger catching fire in your lungs, one that was sure to never be smothered "Pulling the fire alarm, punching Stan, taping porno magazines on Mr. Garrison's car-

"Those were ages ago," He cuts you off "At least some of us actually grew up."

"It's a fucking raccoon!" You throw your hands up in the air "And you're seventeen, you should think this is funny because it is and one day you're going to be an old wrinkly boney fuck with rotten testicles and wish that you revelled in this a little more."

"You aren't listening," His voice raises. Every few moments, he runs a hand through his hair in a quick, jerky motion, adding to the sense of barely contained rage.

He was right, you weren't listening. Kyle was hastily spitting out words while you just stared at him like his words were muffled to your ears. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest, muscles tensed with barely contained frustration. His brows are furrowed deeply, casting a shadow over his narrowed eyes that stay trained on your face. His jaw is clenched so tightly that a muscle twitches in his cheek, and his lips are pressed into a thin, hard line.

The sleeves of his hoodie are rolled up and you can see the veins and the muscles flexing. His face was almost flushed red with rage, for the first time you had noticed the light dusting of freckles spread over his nose. You remembered him having them as a kid, they came around in the summer when he would spend hours in the sports court and chasing his friends through the woods. His face was spotted like a fawn, though they dwindled with age they always got dark after he bathed in sunlight. 

"What?" He snaps, breaking your immersion "Are you going to say something?"

"Your freckles are coming in."

"What?" His eyebrows draw together even further. "What are you-

He is cut off by a sudden, sound of a heavy thump and metal hitting the linoleum and clattering in its place. You turn towards the sound and see that the vent covering has fallen off and something dark scuttles across the ground, catching only glimpses of it between rows and rows of desks. "Holy shit, it found me!" Without warning, the raccoon crashes against a desk with a ferocious growl, causing you to scream. Acting purely on instinct, you leap towards Kyle, wrapping your arms around him in a desperate bid for safety. His eyes widen in surprise, and for a moment, his anger is replaced by shock as he catches you. "What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck."

"What are you doing?" he exclaims, but his voice is less harsh than before, more surprised than angry though the irritation still hangs in his tone.

"I don't want to look at it," You squeeze your eyes shut and bury your face into Kyle's collarbone. "This is gonna be really funny in a week but I'm actually really fucking scared right now."

Kyle has one protective arm over your midriff as he leans forward the slightest to look at the raccoon that stands between the pair of you and the door. The raccoon hisses and bares its teeth at you, slobber foaming around its mouth "It has rabies," He says, backing away "It actually has rabies."

"Fuck!" You shout, breaking away from Kyle and trying to scramble onto a desk, so panicked your legs keep slipping until Kyle lifts you by your waist until your feet are flat on the surface and hops on a desk himself. "What the fuck do we do?"

The raccoon circled around the door, staggering like it had just drunk a forty. You fumbled for your phone in your pocket, looking up what to do when you encounter an animal with rabies. "What are you doing?"

"Okay, um, Reddit says to shoot it dead, bag it, and burn it," you look over at Kyle.

"Do you have a gun in your pocket?" He says with an antsy sarcasm.

"No."

"Well, that's super helpful, thank you," His face flat and voice mocking. 

"Not the time to be an asshole," As the raccoon snarls and regains its footing, you fumble for your phone, your hands shaking. "I'm calling the police," you tell Kyle, your voice trembling with a mix of fear and adrenaline.

Kyle nods, his eyes never leaving the raccoon. "Fucking hurry."

With trembling fingers, you dial 911, praying for a quick response. The raccoon begins to inch closer, its eyes locked onto you. "911, what's your emergency?" comes the operator's voice.

"We're trapped in a classroom with a rabid raccoon at Park County High," you say, your voice cracking. "It's really fucking gross looking like it's covered in mud and it had matted fur and shit." You shudder as it nears you "And it's pretty fucking fat, it jiggles when it walks."

"Okay, ma'am, I need you to stay calm," the operator replies, her voice steady and professional. "Can you confirm your location one more time?"

"Park County High, room 112," You wrinkle your nose as it begins to sniff up the desk you standing on "Its hands are dirty as shit, probably from being greedy and eating too much."

The operator starts to ask for details, but the raccoon lunges forward, coming dangerously close. Panic surges through you. Without thinking, you scream and hurl your phone at the animal. The device smacks the raccoon on the head, causing it to stumble and momentarily back off. Upon impact, your phone shatter, the screen glitching with colour before going black completely. 

The raccoon stumbles for a second before hissing and lunging at your ankles again. You retract your feet, trying not to tip onto the ground. You can tell the raccoon is charging up to attempt another jump onto the desk, you leap down in a moment of panic and kick the desk into it. The desk drops to its side and squashes the raccoon which lets out a yelp before squirming it's way out.

You ran to the front of the class grabbing any stray books off of desks and chucking them at the raccoon. Snatching the metre stick from the spot where it rested against the whiteboard, you begin to swat at the raccoon "I actually will not survive if I get rabies," Your voice shakes with every word.

"Yeah, no shit!" Kyle retorts, his hands flying arounf frantically and his mind paniced to do something. 

The metre stick only seems to make the raccoon more angry  "This feels like animal abuse!"

"It is!"

"Should I stop?"

"Do you want rabies?"

"No."

"Then no!" Kyle climbs down from his desk and frantically looks around for something to throw at the raccoon, he grabs a thick textbook from the teacher's desk and throws it down at the rabid creature. It squeaks, staggers, and snaps its jaws, ignoring Kyle and staying focused on you.

"Kyle, open the door!" You shout, prodding at the raccoon in a feeble attempt to keep it away from your flesh. 

He jiggles the handle to no avail, it doesn't budge. There's nothing but a familiar snigger on the only side of the door. "Cartman, open the door!" 

"If you pay me twenty bucks right now." His irritating voice answers. 

"What? I don't have money on me." He lifted the little shade that covered the glass panel on the door and of course, there was the back of Cartman's head.

"You're Jewish, that's impossible."

"I'll fucking Paypal you the money just open the door," Kyle's voice rises with every word. 

"Jewrat, I know you have your little gold pouch on you."

"Did you put the fucking raccoon in the vent?" 

"That depends," His voice is as smug as ever.

"I'm gonna kick your teeth in!" He slams his body against the door but Cartman is without question the heavier one leaning on the other side.  "Open the door!" 

"Is it ethical to kill it?" You crawl on top of the teacher's desk, kicking random items down every time the raccoon attempts to jump. It hits the creature's head with a little thud though it's only stunned for a moment before it goes back to attacking like it shot up some kind of drug.

“That doesn’t really matter,” Kyle does a run against the door, it looks like it's going to cave inward.

You had run out of supplies to knock on the raccoon's head, it grabbed hold of your shoe, getting more agitated with every attempt to shake it off. "Fuck, fuck, shitballs, fucking cunt licker!"

In mere seconds Kyle grabs a chair by its legs and bashes down onto the raccoon which claws into your shoes in an attempt to stay on you but the force of the chair brought it barrelling to the ground. It twitches under the chair, ragged breathes and squeals. "Did it bite you?" 

You shake your head, a hand slapped over your mouth as you look down at the animal writing below. "Where the fuck are the police?" You scream. Kyle helps you down from the desk and you immediately spring towards the door, banging on it with all of your force "Eric, open the door or I'm gonna throw rocks through your window, you dumb whore!" 

"Tell the jew to slide a bill under the floor," He says nonchalantly. Through the glass panel on the door, you can hardly see the rest of the hallway past Cartman's head which appears to be vacant. You turn back to Kyle who throws his hands up in exasperation then look to where the raccoon begins to stir on the floor and find its footing. 

"I'm going to ask one more time, open the fucking door," You try to keep your voice as still as possible despite shaking with rage and biting the inside of your mouth so hard that blood mixes with your saliva.

"I'm going to ask one more time, tell Kyle to-

You ball your hand into a fist and rear your elbow out, connecting your knuckles to the glass panel that was once separating the two of you from Cartman. It shatters on impact, sending a spiderweb of cracks radiating outwards. The sound of breaking glass fills the room, echoing off the walls. You reach your other arm through broken glass and wrap your hands around Cartman's pudgy neck.

The panic is evident, his hand moving quickly to try and pry your hands away from him. You refuse to let go, holding him against the door despite his choking sputters and the urgent tapping over your hands. 

"Open the fucking door!" You shout again, wringing Cartman's neck like a soaked towel, ignoring the little shards of glass stuck in your hands and the jagged edges of the frame cutting up your forearm. You were a lot less scared of Cartman than you were of the raccoon carrying a deadly illness.

He coughs, each breath becoming shallower and more desperate than the last. His hand fumbles for the door handle and the second you see the light from the hallway spill through a crack, you let go of Cartman and slam your body on the door which finally lets out.

You stumble through the door and into the hallway, watching your shaking hand engrained with little shards of class. Cartman's breathing heavily against a wall, his face the brightest shade of red you had ever seen on a human.

Kyle walks through, eyes wide and brows furrowed at the sight before him.  He looks at you, shutting the door behind him "Is it funny now?"

"Kinda actually, yeah."

[sunny-ssunset]

Heyyy hope you're doing well, I like your fics with the girly reader :)))

So can I please request Cartman with a girly s/o pls? (Never in my life did I ever think I'd request Cartman but I really wanna see how he'd act with his s/o being all girly and stuff)

If you don't wanna write it that's okayy ^⁠_⁠^

💖👹Eric cartman x A Girly! fem! reader👹💖

dividers by pinterest

♡THANK YOU GIRL!!!! Its okay, been thinking about writing this one for a WHILE might make a x girly reader series i love the trope smmm

TW: BRIEF MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS

•First of all he is your no.1 fan

•Will back you up all the time

•He is the first to like any of your posts on any social media

•You'll both chat shit about people together

•"I dont wanna be rude but that skirt she was wearing today was disgusting" "I KNOW RIGHT AND THAT BRACELET EWWW"

•He wont tell anyone though unless you break up

•He is your biggest hype man

•He'll spoil you using kyle's moms credit card

•"BABE THIS WOULD LOOK REALLY PRETTY ON YOU"

•If you have a problem with confrontation and you are at a restaurant he will bring it up for you he is such a karen lmao

•"SHE WANTS A GREEK SALAD NOT A BIT OF LETTUCE AND SOME GROSS OLIVES FIX IT NOW."

•He'll always defend you if people are talking shit about you

•"Y/n is actually so fucking fak-" "The fuck did you just say about my Y/n?" *Death stare* "N-Nothing"

•He used to be scared about showing affection in public until he met you

•Brags about you to kyle

•And Kyle get so pissed off because he wonders why would someone as pretty as you be with someone like HIM?

•He follows you everywhere

•"GET BACK Y/N IS COMING THROUGH"

•The whole school thinks its a really weird match but you two dont care

•He is a very jealous man

•People arent even allowed to look at you

•He is your guard dog lmao

•His mom loves you

•She'll always mention you

•Cartman will rant about you to her

•"Is Y/n coming round today poopiekins?"

•He is actually really supportive of your body and looks suprisingly

•He'll notice if you arent eating enough and urge you to eat more

•And he'll hype you up whatever body type you are he thinks you are perfect <3

dividers by @k1ssyoursister

[kwnnys]

— main 4 fasting for the first time!

hcs : g/n reader a/n : for my muslim brothers nd sisters 🙏🙏 reader is muslim and asks the boys to try fasting w them for ramadan :D

— stan marsh

quite intrigued when you first bring it up, also pretty hesitant to try it

"wait so like- no food or water? for a whole day? are you sure I wont die..."

but with a little bit convincing, stan will eventually agree!

he starts off strong and confident 💪 bragging to the group and telling them all about fasting

but that confidence slowly dies as the hours pass... and poor boy gets so tired

he knows you said that while fasting that you should be as productive as possible, but hes just so tired and drowsy he cant help it 😭

he tries to play basketball with his friends, or even doing his homework. but he just can't focus on anything

he ends up sleeping the rest of the day till iftar

he apologizes and feels so bad 😓, but you tell him its fine since its his first time

I dont' think he'd do it again the next day or anytime soon, but maybe give it a few years and he might be able to fast all 30 days :D

— kyle broflovski

like stan also very intrigued and curious

he'll ask you alot of questions and take a few notes, before ultimately agreeing

hes a little nervous at first, but you manage to ease him with some words of affirmation!

tries to just distract himself for the whole day. studying, chores, video games, etc.

he doesn't make a big deal about it, but is definitely suffering on the inside

tbh the hardest part for him isn't the actual fasting, but not being able to swear or be mad (especially considering kyle has a short temper) 💀

cartman definitley takes advantage of this and calls him every name in the book. also purposely eats infront of him.

"hey stupid jew. look what I've got, a chocolate cake. you want some? oh wait, YOU CANT!" "...I swear to god cartman."

almost broke his fast cause of him. 😭

but anyways, he manages to successfully finish his fast!

he would do it again, maybe in a few days if you asked.

— eric cartman

when you first tell him about fasting and ramadan, he'll literally be SO flabberghasted.

"wait wait wait, so you're telling me you can't EAT or even drink WATER for 30 days? you trying to get me killed or something?"

it'll take alot of convincing to get him to fast with you

alooot of convincing.

but when he eventually agrees, he will be SO dramatic about it and overexaggerates everything

"oh my god, I think Im dying. tell kyel.. I hope he gets cancer.."

refuses to go to school or even get out his room

liane gets very concerned about him, and'll constantly ask you if he'll be okay and won't die

you assure her that its completely fine, especially considering he ate almost half the fridge during suhoor.

he talks to his stuffed animals to try and cope.

tried to secretly eat a piece of candy while you weren't looking 💀you'll have to keep a close eye on him if you want him to actually finish his fast.

he'll definitely hold a grudge against you the whole day and refuse to talk to you.

but don't worry, you make it up to him by taking him to kfc for iftar 😋

bro literally ordered half the menu and gobbled everything up in a matter of minutes.

safe to say he won't be fasting again anytime soon. or ever again,

— kenny mccormick

the only one in the group who manages to fast with little to no problem

kenny doesn't usually eat much food anyway, so hes all down

the hardest part for him is not being able to have 'dirty' thoughts or look at porno magazines 💀

the guys probably don't even notice that kennys fasting since they know kenny usually eat till you or he brings it up

cartman also takes advantage of this and tries to get him to break his fast with money. (which fails cause you're there to shut him off)

doesn't really have a change in his routine or life, he just does what he normally does

you're surprised by how easy hes taking it tbh

when its time for iftar, you decide to invite him over your house to eat :D

hes shocked at all the food you had prepared by you and your parents, and extremely grateful too

that day he had the biggest meal for the first time in probably a few years 😭

definitely took home some leftovers after for his family.

overall he'd definitely wouldn't mind doing it again! especially if it means being able to go to your house to eat again.

[t0rturedangel]

I saw your wendy hcs and I thought they were so adorable and was wondering if you could do hcs for a reader that's always either super clingy. Like always trying to hug her or giving tiny pecks on wendy's cheek maybe even just holding hands or cuddling whenever they get the chance

No rush love you and have a great day <33

[My signature will always be N☆X]

╭ ☆ ➛ Wendy Testaburger x reader Ꞌꞌ : Super clingily s/o hcs

━ warnings / notes ; hiii!! sorry this took so long- this weeks been so busy 😭 and since today is a teacher strike day i thought i'd post something for you lovelies. Swearing, ooc. sorry this is short i got an anon list now guys :D

━ Wendy loves how clingy you are

━ though not uh, not too much

━ Since her love language is quality time and communication she prefers that to you being all over her

━ but that doesnt mean she hates your hugs, kisses, hand holding, ect in fact she loves it so much she gets all mopey when she hasn't had your affection for the day.

━ it got so bad to the point where bebe was literally dragging you to Wendy because she couldnt handle the Wendy's miserable attitude.

━ she likes to return your kisses and hugs with complements and pet names " Awhh- thank you sweetheart, you look amazing today! " " Thanks babe! *gives a quick peck back* "

━ whenever she's in a really bad mood, she'll walk over to you and just wait for you to hold her and kiss her then she' will be back to her old self.

━ many people have called you a witch for that

━ no joke- you once calmed Wendy down via a kiss when she was this close to killing cartman for the millionth time

" FUCK YOU CARTMAN! THIS TIME WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU NO ONE WILL RECOGNISE YOU! " Wendy yelled through the hallway as she marched towards a cartman- who was pissing himself know knowing the consequences of his actions. He should have never posted that video. The moment Wendy saw cartman she ran even quicker than before, right as she was close enough to grab cartman and choke him- Stan stood infront of the two " what did he do now? " " HE POSTED A VIDEO OF PICTURES OF ME! AND CALLED ME A SLUT " Wendy screamed, sending a death glare to cartman, he was sure going to get it now. " GET OUT OF THE WAY BEFORE I- oh! Hi babe " Wendy calmed down once she left a pair of soft lips on her cheek, she turned around and you pulled her into a tight hug, with wendy resting her head on your shoulder " Im so happy you're here! ". Cartman sighed, staring at you two from behind stan, he made eye contact with you and noted how your narrowed eyes and the way you mouthed ' you owe me. '

fuck.