#especially the ones related to complicated things like grieving

[goldpilot22]

yesterday I watched the first 3 episodes of princess tutu with some friends. very good show, wasn't expecting it to be so... emotionally heavy ig? but in a good way. the 3rd episode really hit me hard, I had to stop after that and just cry for a while.

[genderkoolaid]

expand on ur "mental asylum Marxism shit" thing about children & grief?? from what you've said im pretty sure i will relate from my own experiences as a grieving child. also it sounds interesting!!

so i was thinking about how weird it is that, when a child has to deal with the death of a loved one, they say something like "no child should have to go through this! no child should have to even think about death!" which strikes me as weird because i was a child who dealt with the deaths of multiple close family members, very close together. the first was my great-grandmother, who i lived with and who was my best friend. death was never foreign to me (my mom has always been very death-positive on top of all that). grief was just part of my life like everything else was.

but i realized that its because people think childhood should not have any flaws. you should be 100% happy and fulfilled all the time. any time a child experiences anything painful, its bad. not "children should have access to love and support," but "children should not have basic life experiences because the idea of childhood being anything other than fluffy purity scares me."

because children in society are fundamentally not people. especially in a society structured around christian beliefs in natural law theory, that what is natural = what is good, healthy, and Divinely commanded. so on top of children being the property of adults, they are also forced to be the symbols of Nature. whatever is the most useful to whoever needs them. which means we built up this idea of children as tabula rasas, pureness incarnate. like a magic mirror where if we look into it, we'll be able to catch a glimpse of the true face of humanity. every single thing children do can be scrutinized for some grand truth about humans as a whole. and then, the ways children are treated also reflect how we think humanity should interact with its own nature.

example: the idea of humanity as inherently sinful and wicked, with that urge needing to be suppressed through state violence (hello hobbes) = the idea that children are annoying and shitty on purpose and need to be forced via punishment into being Good Citizens.

this is also why children cannot be trans, even though all trans people must prove that we were trans children. being queer must be unnatural; and even if not, its inherently sexual, and sexuality is dirty and bad. so children can't be trans, and they also can't read books on puberty until their parents decide when and what exactly they are allowed to learn. child victims of sexual assault only matter to the extent that they can be used as a symbol of a cultural threat; calling Jewish or trans people pedophiles means saying that they are foreigners attacking basic human nature, and indirectly, Divine command. if you aren't the right kind of victim, or when you inevitably reveal yourself to be A Person with complicated experiences and opinions, you are no longer of use to the agenda.

it sucks that bad things happen to anyone. aspects of youth can exacerbate the pain sometimes, but sometimes it does the reverse: I wish I could have spent more time with the family members I lost, but I know other people who are glad they loss family members young, because they weren't really hurt by it. I think the main thing is that, even sometimes when we talk about our past selves, we project this cultural idea of Child As Purity and ignore the actual person having the experience. when we "empathize" with children by projecting Purity onto them, we aren't actually connecting with them.

[thedreamlessnights]

Give The Devil His Due - pt. 1

Gale x F!Reader

{part 2}

Warnings and Tags: Major BG3 Ending and Epilogue Spoilers. Mentions of death, the use of the Netherese orb, grieving/loss. Deal with a Devil. Angst with a happy ending.

Synopsis: After Gale sacrifices himself to save Faerûn, his soul resides in a place out of reach of mortal magic. Not out of reach of immortal magic, though.

Word Count: 2.8k

It’s not like you to linger at the edge of a party, and - gods. Especially not one like this.

In every respect, this night should be fantastic. Friends are all around, there's wine and lively music, and you’re the closest thing to happy that you’ve been in the last six months.

Yet here you are, hovering on the sidelines, feeling like there’s a hole cut into your chest. No, this isn’t much like you, but you haven’t truly been yourself since the day you lost Gale.

He should be here, you keep thinking. He should be at your side, making awful puns, looking handsome as ever. Missing him is a constant, now, but the pain has flared into agony tonight. It feels like it’s splitting you in two. You can barely stomach the wine.

You’ve done your dues, of course. Greeted your companions, hugged your fair share, and talked briefly about life. Still, the pity in everyone’s eyes had felt like salt in your very open wound, and now you don’t trust yourself to make conversation without crying.

Which leaves you to wander around with your wine, trying not to feel like every bit of this familiar camp is a dagger between your ribs. Judging by the way you can’t seem to breathe, it doesn’t seem to be working.

And then, mid-sip of wine, you look up and there he is. Gale of Waterdeep, with Tara at his side.

You’re no stranger to these hallucinations; you’ve experienced them nearly every day since his sacrifice. A flash of Gale in the crowds, a hint of his face in strangers, the ghostly feeling of him pressed against you on the coldest nights.

But those had been different. In your previous sightings, he’d vanished just as soon as he’d appeared. This Gale is here, standing off to the side of Withers’ party, flickering with magic. No matter how many times you shut your eyes, he’s still there when you open them again.

It isn’t him. You know it isn’t. You’ve seen his magical projections before. Still, Gale must have made this. And, aside from the glowing eyes and outline, it’s a dead-on replication of him. Having one of his creations so near, so very like him, is enough of Gale’s presence to make your knees feel weak.

When you approach, the form speaks. You barely hear it. Your hands are shaking so badly that your wine sloshes out of the glass and onto your clothing. You finally let it fall, not sparing as much as a glance toward it, even when you feel it splash against your boots.

Gale, or this image of him, is your sole focus. Everything else, stains included, is irrelevant.

“I am a magical projection of Gale of Waterdeep,” the false Gale is saying. It takes a moment for you to process the distorted tone, the muffled voice you remember so very well.

A projection. Just as you’d known.

“If you see this manifestation,” he continues, “that means I have prematurely perished.”

You know this spiel, too. You’d seen it after a terrible moment where Gale had died post-ambush in the Shadowlands. It had given a complicated set of instructions to revive him. You’d know this speech in your sleep.

The next words are different from the usual, though.

“Alas, on this occasion, I appear to have been erased from this plane in both soul and substance, so the usual protocol for revivification cannot be followed.”

Something twists internally. Painful. Sharp. Not that you’d had any hope, but… hearing it is like this so much worse. You swallow hard, suddenly wishing you hadn’t dropped your wine, but the damned thing is still talking.

“I am, however,” the projection continues, “available for the duration of this spell to assist with the tying of any loose ends related to my recent departure from mortality.”

Those words feel like a harsh kick to the ribs. Gale is dead, and what he’d left behind is insurmountable grief, not loose ends. The weight in your chest is loss, not something that can be mended by a quick word or brief spell.

And yet, your mouth moves of its own accord. “Revivification?” you find yourself asking. Anything to hear more of his voice, even marred as it is.

“Indeed,” he replies. “A series of elegantly designed failsafes to be executed in order to reverse the occurrence of my unexpected but impermanent demise.”

The mild taste in your mind sours. Gale’s death had been unexpected, yes. But not impermanent. You know that. Still, you nod as he further explains, clinging on to every trace, every syllable, every detail of him.

He goes on: “As I am unable to detect any trace of my existence in reach of mortal magic, however, such a protocol would in this instance be destined to fail.”

But of course. Mortal magic. Surely Mystra could bring him back if she wanted to, but his death is far too convenient for her, isn't it? To have Gale out of her mind, no longer nagging her?

You can't think of a single thing to say in response that isn't plain cruel.

The projection pauses at your silence, then proceeds on. “The good news is, I am here precisely to assist in cushioning that heaviest of blows.”

You fail to bite back a laugh hearing that. It spills from your lips like tar, dark and sticky; the sound is pained, but it bubbles up through your chest all the same. It’s so like Gale, to think he’s worth so little that a mere projection could somehow aid in his loss.

The next thing the projection says, however, renders you completely and utterly speechless.

“I have been entrusted with the delivery of a letter to be read by the one who loved me most,” he announces. “I hope these words do something to ease the tragedy of my untimely and honestly quite unexpected passing.”

Gods, you think. A letter. Had Gale left something behind that you’d missed? Had he set this up in advance, knowing this might be the outcome?

The projection conjures up a pouch very similar to the one you’d seen when you’d had to revive him all that time ago, and it gently floats over to you until it’s within reach.

The moment it meets your hands, you can swear that a shiver of magic runs through your fingers. Sharp tingling, the scent of rosewater, a flash of Gale’s smile in your mind’s eye.

How could you ever have let him go? How could you, despite his insistence, have let him sacrifice himself that way? Even more than loss, you feel self-hatred. You feel regret, anger, despair.

Gale is gone. All that's left of him is the objects he’d left behind. They’re nothing at all in comparison to him.

“With that,” the projection says, interrupting your thoughts, “I’m afraid my spell is waning. Is there anything else you need of me, before I blink out of existence?”

Yes, you think. Yes, don’t go, stay here with me - even if you aren't him.

And like a complete fool, your treacherous body reaches out to this projection of him, false as he is, and tries to kiss him.

Your lips meet nothing but air. Nothing but that same shiver of magic you’d felt when touching the pouch, so undeniably Gale.

The projection stares at you for a moment, something like sadness in his eyes, and steps just the slightest bit closer. “I can see why I loved you,” he says.

With a burst of light, the projection fades into nothing but the flickering remnants of magic, shimmering in the air like stars in the deep velvet sky.

The immediate, immense grief that possesses you brings you to your knees.

After the night with the projection, two words stay with you.

Mortal magic.

Gale is beyond the reach of mortal magic. But the projection hadn't said anything about magic beyond mortal reach.

So, you do what Gale had done best: you research.

Your grief turns obsessive. You toss and turn through the nights, unable to sleep. You’ve been staying in Gale’s tower in Waterdeep, but the echoes of his presence prove too much, and you soon find a place nearby - close enough to visit when you’d like, but distanced enough to remove yourself when you need.

There’s only so many times you can listen to Morena crying for her son before it feels like it’s suffocating you.

When you finally find what you’ve been looking for - after blood and sweat and tears, bargaining, crying, pages and pages of research, and countless sleepless nights - it almost doesn't feel real.

But there’s a summoning scroll that’s warm in your hands, and it’s real enough that when you open it and read the words, the scent of cinnamon and honey fills the room. Within seconds, a familiar figure is materializing before you.

Tall. Smug. Wreathed in hellfire that slowly fades away.

“My, my,” he purrs, his gaze trailing over you from head to toe. “The Savior of Baldur’s Gate, calling my name. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Your eyes narrow. “We both know that it wasn't me who saved the city, Raphael.”

The crown’s power is so potent that you can almost see it: a flickering aura around him, present even in the curve of his cutting smile. It’s true, then. He’d fished the Netherstones out of the river and recrafted it. If Gale had been the one to wear it…

“Perhaps,��� Raphael replies. “But seeing as you currently hold the title, I thought it appropriate.”

You’ve been planning this out for weeks now, but your planned speech turns to ash in your mind. “I want him back,” you say instead.

“Him?” Raphael repeats, perching his hand under his chin. “I’m afraid you’ll have to be a touch more specific-”

“Gale,” you cut in. You’re in no mood for his games. “I want Gale back. Alive.”

Poorly-masked delight crosses over the devil’s features. You doubt he’s really trying to hide it, though. “And what could you possibly offer me that I don't already possess?”

“My soul.”

Your voice shakes a little as you say it, betraying you, but you’re more sure about this than anything else. No one will miss you like Gale is missed. You have no family left behind to mourn you, no tower full of unfinished research, no tressym to ache for the warmth of your lap.

Whatever the cost, you want Gale back. With the crown, Raphael has the power to do that.

But he simply tilts his head back and laughs. “I’m afraid I’ve… outgrown those kind of deals,” he says.

A small shard of fear slices through your gut. You hadn't considered anything else, but what could you give him that’s any worse than your soul?

You fold your arms across your chest and hold his gaze, ignoring the way your eyes desperately yearn to flit away. “What do you want, then?”

“Now that is the question,” Raphael muses, holding up a hand and giving it a loose twirl. “I’ve always had a fondness for humans. Such spirit; such devotion! You’re hailed as the hero of the city, yet here you are - offering me your soul. All in exchange for someone who, if I’m not mistaken, chose to sacrifice himself.”

Red-hot anger flares in your chest. There are a thousand things you could say, but you force yourself to swallow them down. You only have one chance at this.

“Yes,” you reply softly. “The someone who made it possible for you to retrieve the Crown of Karsus.”

“True,” Raphael admits, lifting a brow. “His sacrifice was useful, I suppose.”

You wait for him to go on, but he doesn't. Instead, he sits and watches you the way a lion watches its prey. Patient. Tense. Waiting for its reward.

“Raphael-”

“I’ll... consider what you’ve said,” he interrupts, straightening up and flashing you a smile. “Until then, I suggest sitting tight. What a waste it would be for the hero of Baldur’s Gate to waste away in grief, hm?”

He snaps his fingers, and as soon as the sound has hit your ears, he's dissolving into a burst of flame. You’re left with nothing.

You’ve been left with that more often than not, lately.

What would a devil want if not a soul?

It's the question you keep pondering time and time again. Raphael had laughed at your offer, but he hadn't turned you down flat. He’d said he would consider your proposition.

You aren't even sure what it is you'd proposed.

That he bring Gale back simply because his death had allowed Raphael to access the crown? That he do you some form of favor because of his admiration for humans?

You know enough of devils to know there is always a cost, but what exactly is it? What greater offering is there than a soul?

It’s the thought that keeps you up at night as the months roll by, plagued by insomnia. What could he possibly want from you that would prove more valuable? All you can do is wait for Raphael’s return, but the waiting is agony. Whatever his response, he’s in no hurry to give it. And in the meantime, you’re still forced to live without Gale.

The one year anniversary of the city being saved is a celebration for most. For you, it marks one year from the worst day of your life. That scene still plagues you most nights. Gale, insisting he sacrifice himself. Teleporting you and the others to safety. A flash of light. The tadpole, disintegrating in your brain.

And the worst part: the emptiness afterward. Knowing he was gone. No joy. No relief. Just numbness. A neverending loss.

The days afterward were a blur. Finding his pack. Gathering his things. Giving Tara and Morena the news.

You hadn't had the strength to look at his possessions for months, and when you had, your findings had made it so much worse.

A small ring, fitted for your finger. A note, written with clumsy handwriting. Addendums scrawled on the sidelines. Phrases scribbled out, and rewritten. A rehearsal for a marriage proposal he’d never gotten to give.

Gods, the loss you’d felt. The self-hatred.

It’s unbearable. It's what you keep thinking to yourself - that all of this is so unbearable.

It’s even what you’re thinking in the middle of the library in Gale’s tower, Morena at your side and Tara at your feet, mourning your losses. The three of you are so caught up in grief that you nearly miss the swirling oval of purple light that appears in the middle of the room.

It’s unbearable. And then, as your eyes lock onto the portal, it’s suddenly not.

Purple light begins to swirl through the room. Your limbs go cold. From head to toe, electricity seems to course through you - soaking into skin, into veins, almost painful. Even before anything happens, you simply know that something is either incredibly right or incredibly wrong.

Then Gale Dekarios stumbles out of the portal as if shoved, gasping for air, his hand placed over his chest, and the room goes silent.

Your heart starts racing so fast, you’re half sure it’s going to explode. Tara lets out a yowl that could rupture an eardrum. Morena freezes in place, practically a statue, not seeming to believe what she’s seeing.

Gale is here, and alive, and seemingly unharmed.

He’s dressed in his classic purple wizard robes. His earring is in place, as always. Beautiful grey streaks in dark hair. Warm brown eyes. Almost exactly the same as he’d looked when you’d first met him.

The only thing missing is the orb in his chest.

Your body moves automatically. Your hands reach for his face and find warm skin - real Gale, your Gale - and your mouth meets his the way you’ve longed for the last year.

Against your lips, Gale lets out a soft sound of surprise. You’re so happy to see him, to touch him, that you have to fight off the urge to melt into his arms. But as soon as you’ve pulled away, you know something is wrong.

His brows are pinched together in confusion. He’s not pulling you close. And, as you stare up at him, he lets out a shaky breath. Perplexion, not relief. Not desire. Not love.

You take a small step back.

“Mr. Dekarios, surely you can do better than that,” Tara chides, perching herself on a table beside him.

“Tara?” he breathes, glancing at her. His eyes turn back to you, and it’s like your lungs won’t quite get air. “I, er - forgive me,” he starts. “Do we… know each other?”

And all at once, as your heart tears into a thousand tiny pieces, you know Raphael’s cost.

[realredbanana]

Totally random thought. I’d love to read/write a Sara-centric fic/character study focused around identity and lack there of, especially in regard to autism. (Mild warning, I may be accidentally projecting a bit here as she is a character I personally deeply relate to).

Like, I’d love to explore/see someone explore her feelings around herself and who she is, because for a lot of (if not the entirety of) the series, she’s masking. Constantly. (Oo, would also love to explore the consequences of that) and constantly masking to that extent, on top of being absolutely exhausting, can realistically lead to a lack of any real identity. For example, personally, I have no real idea of where the mask ends and I begin, is the mask part of me? If it isn’t, why can’t I just switch it off? If it is why doesn’t it feel like me? So, I’d love to actually think deeper about that in regard to Sara.

Additionally, she’s mixed race. And since Micke’s out of the picture, it’s not unreasonable to assume that her, Simon and Linda see (or at least speak to) Linda’s side of the family more than Micke’s, which could potentially make Sara feel at least a little bit awkward given that she’s white-passing and has much less desire to speak Spanish (potentially because of bullying? Or general fear of being further ostracised?). That could easily lead to a feeling of not being Swedish enough to easily fit in with the white Swedish kids, yet not Venezuelan enough to easily fit in with the rest of her family. (This is the bit where I’m most concerned about slightly projecting because, while I am white, I was born in England (with mostly English family) yet I’ve spent most of my life in Wales, leading to a general feeling of being ‘not Welsh enough to be Welsh in Wales, but not English enough to be English in England’).

Plus, she was considered an outsider amongst the girls (and boys, really) who were experiencing crushes for the first time at, what, 12? 13?? 14??? Whereas she first experienced romantic/sexual attraction at 17, almost 18, much later than everyone else. And, as much as this sucks, I know that a fairly large part of the Teen Experience™️ is crushes. Talking about crushes. Teasing your friends about their crushes. Trying to talk to your crushes. Etc. So, to be quite late to experience your first crush (if you ever do) is quite isolating. You very quickly realise “ah. I see. I’m not normal.” — and to have any part of your identity built on top of this feeling of “I’m not normal” is kind of really horrific. Also, when she does experience that attraction, it happens to be towards someone who is, one, her first ever friend’s ex and, two, the guy who leaked CP of her brother, which really complicates everything. So, she’s suddenly forced to juggle her crush (something that may, on some level, make her feel “more normal”) alongside the fact that being with August means betraying Felice and Simon (and, when it came to Felice, well, Felice already expressed that she wasn’t ever really in love with August, and with Simon she felt like he’d betrayed her first (by speaking to Micke)).

On top of all of these things, Sara also seemed to be losing interest in horses, to some extent, in s3. And losing/feeling on the brink of losing a special interest is something I’d never wish on anybody. Especially because a special interest can be/is a very core part of most autistic people’s identities (like, my interest in Young Royals is a core part of me, in fact, I find it easiest to understand the world around me through Young Royals) and losing that can be deeply painful, like, you’re actually grieving the loss of a major part of yourself. Imagine feeling your most intense interest, the thing that you feel makes you you, the thing that helped you whenever you felt really tired or sad or stressed, slipping away through your fingers. Nothing you can do to prevent it from fading, and the more you try to cling to it the quicker it fades. It’s a deeply distressing experience.

Just. In general, I feel like identity for Sara must almost be this complicated seeming mess of feeling like you don’t really belong anywhere. Which just feels horrifically tragic to me.

[adracat]

G Witch episode 16 thoughts

Or the episode where the real plot thickens. No offense to earth and Guel but these are the sort of stakes and drama I'm weak for. Truly a wonderful present to receive on this blessed of Sundays! Just in time for Walpurgisnacht too

And we start off strong with this heated Prospera and Bel confrontation! Cont. from last time, Bel just learned Eri Samaya is not Suletta Mercury or even alive anymore, but a mysterious 3rd thing-- her biometric code uploaded to the cloud aka Aerial. We learn her immature body couldn't handle it so she perished. Eri is now entirely composed of Permet particles, and without Aerial housing her consciousness she'll dissipate. The Gundam is literally possessed by a child's ghost.

And it seems with a permet score of 8, the datastorm can be extended with Quiet Zero and create a space for Eri to live. Or that's the implication, I gather. How exactly that would happen is a mystery though I suspect it would mean granting Eri a new physical body, perhaps by 'overwriting' Suletta's mind/soul. (Well this is sounding familiar, isn't it 3h fans?)

But amid all this, there's the matter of Benerit's leadership. Without Delling, they need someone to control the various corporate beasts so it's decided they'll hold an election. Awfully democratic of them tbh. Though I wager leadership might boil down to whoever can crush hardest in a Mobile Suit royale.

We know Shaddiq will be throwing his hat in the ring, as will our prodigal failson Guel by the looks of it. Speaking of, I wish he had a bigger moment with his brother but maybe later? Their surprise was pretty good, and I enjoyed Guel's talk with Petra. She's grown up quite a bit from the shallow bully/fangirl of the first season.

Moving on to Mio, I went nuts over this shot. Suletta is fulfilling all her promises!! Even cleaned her disaster area of a room and messaging three times per day. She's unnervingly good at following directions tbh.

Adored this so much too. Lauda is grateful to GUNDARM for their aid and subsequently clears them of suspicion in the terrorist attacks. He goes out of his way to say Mio is free from the dueling games too, but Mio could care less about that petty nonsense. Her heart and mind is set on Suletta.

Quick mention to Secilia for being the most relatable person in the show. She just wants to sit on this god forsaken couch, watch the drama, and see who'll be Miorine's husbando. She's so funny, I swear.

And ofc we get spacian/earthian hostility in the wake of the attacks. You can't blame these kids for being scared and lashing out at the nearest targets but also Earth House was clearly not involved and aiding students during. Even Lauda of all people can understand that. They are grieving for a friend apparently which just complicates the situation further. Sad for all tbh

Martin steps up to defend his housemates, which was nice to see, but it's Mio who is able to shut down their hostility with a clever bit of blackmail. She's so cool and taking no one's guff this season

Nika had a brief interaction with Sabina, but it was insightful. We understand Sabina's loyalty to Shaddiq now as she's an earthian who was taken in by Grassley. Like Nika, she wants to become a bridge for spacians and earthians. Their methods contrast Nika's but they're all coming from the same place. Sabina is anyway. Shaddiq is a bit more inscutable.

Detective Mio is exploring all avenues in her quest and the space assembly league are all too happy to collaborate. They all find Shin Sei and Prospera suspicious, it seems. Valid observation. She does manage to locate Nika, sorta, and brings that information back to the others.

Mio is so adorable when Earth House thanked her for everything. This is probably the first time in years people appreciate who she is on her own merits and formed bonds that aren't conditional or tied to her father. It was just a really wholesome moment. Ah I love her and Earth House! Especially after hearing that first drama cd sketch.

Shout out to Till for shipping these two like the rest of us. Solid wingman right there. Poor Suletta doesn't quite know where they stand after all this time and doesn't want to be a nuisance, but still desperate to show Mio her dedication.

Just look at this pathetic puppy face 🥺

Only a monster could say no to that look, and luckily for her Mio is an understanding and loving bride.

Prospera Jumpcare. Watch out y'all, this one has a mean bite. Her showing up suddenly was unnerving. For the love of all that is holy, never do this again lady. Creeping me out somethin fierce.

HOO BOOOY where to begin? So 5lan was rejected from Aerial immediately, unlike when Eri was humoring El4n and Mio. Is this a sign she's grown in power or just fed up with 5lan's gremlin antics? Could be a combo of both! I take this as confirmation there were multiple failed clones/instances of Eri and Suletta was the lone sucess. The others look Eri's age. 12 of them in total, making Suletta unlucky 13.

I kinda felt sorry for 5lan here, cause he has a right to want to live and not be a tool but also... I don't like him and wish him nothing but misery for being a creep + striking Bel, who I do love. Poor Bel is not having a good week in between Prospera's guilting and now 5lan's.

And we finally arrive at THE SCENES we've been waiting for. It's so wonderfully tense but also tentatively hopeful at the start. Suletta who wants nothing more than to bridge the gap and Mio who wants the same.

Mio starts off with an empathetic apology, stating she understands Suletta's choice in ep12 even if it was traumatic for her. But the reconciliation derailed the moment Suletta declares her mother was right after all. She did the right thing. Run gain one, move forward and gain two.

Mio is galvanized by this logic and hastens to ask Suletta how she can smile at something so terrible. She might understand why Suletta killed for her sake, but she doesn't get how Suletta can just blindly accept everything is ok; that murder was right. Then Mio goes directly in, striving to make Suletta understand. She presses her about her mother, asking if Suletta would do anything. Including giving up her dream for Mercury or killing again.

Her answer, while terrible, is yes. To all of it. Suletta would forfeit the school for Mercury. Would kill again at the behest of her mother. Would do anything so long as her mother said it was right.

Suletta only sees the positives. She got to go to school, have friends, and meet Miorine who she loves. All because she moved forward at her mother's demand. It's horrifying but it makes perfect sense why she would think this way. It's clear from her anxious gestures she's not wholly oblivious to the horror either, but deems her discomfort inconsequential when she gains so much from obeying.

Hearing this speech is the breaking point for Mio who dashes away, leaving a forlorn Suletta to gaze after her. And we're swiftly shown what exactly she has on her mind

This scene was electric from the start. Someone is finally calling out Prospera's manipulation and while she's unflappable as always you have to admire Mio's fire. She wants Suletta to be freed and doesn't care a whit what Prospera thinks.

GOOOOOD this quote. We know Mio loves Suletta genuinely but Prospera only sees her 'daughter' as a tool to be tossed around and used by others. Her phrasing is disgusting in this exchange. 'She's a good little girl, isn't she?' *shivers*

Prospera proceeds to lay her cards on the table and is amazingly forthright, declaring her intent. She reveals her hungry fixation for vengeance and 21 yr long grudge against Delling.

Ngl it's pretty hilarious that Mio doesn't mind the idea of these adults killing themselves fighting each other so long as she and Suletta are left alone. Mio in protective wife mode fr.

It's not that easy however, as Prospera coerces Miorine to help her with QZ. And the first step is to become president of the Benerit group. Miomio for President 2023!! Will she find a loophole from this dire situation? Cast your votes now as we await what becomes of our stellar cast until the next Suletta Sunday~

[galadriel-blue]

Things I hope we see (or things I’m excited about) in S2 of The Rings of Power 

Putting this below the cut just in case because I mention new characters from S2 and I don’t want to accidentally spoil anyone!

(👇Me reading and watching everything that comes out relating to season 2 and trying to piece it together and appreciate everything as it gets closer and closer)

…

Mentions of Finrod. I feel like we often forget about him as a fandom, but he’s one of my favorite characters even if he only appeared for a moment. Galadriel has looked the man who slaughtered her brother in the eyes, and I want to watch as she grieves for what was taken from her now that she has seen her enemy face to face. And with Cirdan becoming a new character in the series, I hope Finrod might be mentioned through him, as the Silmarillion mentions how they were friends. Perhaps Cirdan and Galadriel could have a heart to heart about the loss of Finrod if they interact this season.

Mentions of Celeborn. While most people are excited for all the Haladriel we are sure to see in a few days, (which slay, I respect and appreciate that and I'm excited to see it too) I myself am more of a Galadriel x Celeborn shipper (Celadriel? Galadriborn? What is their ship name??) so I hope Galadriel talks about her husband more. I want to see how much she misses him, especially when she is clearly going through such a tough time. Though I wish he would show up this season, I don’t believe that will happen. I am however holding out the hope that they will set up his appearance for season 3 by talking about him again.

Galadriel and Elrond’s friendship. Based on what I’ve seen from the trailers and clips, Galadriel and Elrond are going to be interacting a lot more this season, which I am super excited about! I want to see the conflict between them as Galadriel falls into despair and desperation, and as Elrond tries to guide her away from the evil and the temptations she faces. My favorite scenes in The Hobbit are when they are shown together, (especially the scebe where Galadriel and Elrond show up to fight Sauron!) and I want to watch their camaraderie grow stronger through their trials and pain. I hope we get some sweet moments between them as well. They are the bestest of besties to me! I love them so much!

A happy moment with Galadriel. I know, I know, I asked for more angst with her and now I’m paying the price…. And honestly we love to see the suffering, BUT! I want ONE smile please!! One moment of joy amidst the pain! Maybe even a halfhearted laugh! I just want to see one moment where Galadriel is comforted and loved. She deserves to experience joy in between all of her struggles. We got to see it in season 1 where she got to ride horseback on the beaches of Numenor. I need her to experience that happiness again.

Elendil and Galadriel reunion. Of course I want Isildur to reunite with his father, and I’m excited for that too, but I can’t let go of the hurt and blame Galadriel and Elendil experienced in season 1. I want a bittersweet apology, I want complicated emotions, I want them to be friends again… I doubt we will see it but a girl can dream-

Anything with Theo! We haven’t barely seen him in the trailers, so I’m interested in knowing what his storyline is going to be this season. I would love to see him interact with Arondir or even more scenes with Theo and Galadriel, as those were some of my favorite moments in S1. Random slightly related note that I’ve said before but I’m saying it again, I hope their solution to Bronwyn not being there this season is not to kill her off… Please just say she’s off doing something somewhere else and not dead… I’m begging 🙏 

The songs. I know there is going to be singing, and I’m stoked! That’s classic Tolkien stuff and I’m excited for S2 to lean even more into that in terms of music and sound design because I LOVED the music and season 1 and Poppy's song from episode 5 was so lovely. I can't wait to hear some of the other characters sing this season!

All the new characters. I’m very excited to see the new characters and how they come into play. Isildur’s new love interest, Cirdan, all the new elf characters… Even Annatar sort of counts as a new character! It’s going to be interesting to see their stories and how they affect the characters from season 1.

The Harfoots. One of the things I’ve seen haters claim is that nobody cares about the Harfoots. That couldn’t be farther from the truth because I care about them!! If the Harfoots have no fans, I’m dead because I think their plot is interesting and I think Nori and Poppy are the sweetest (They remind me of Frodo and Sam 🥹) and the Stranger is so interesting!

There’s probably more, I just can’t think of them right now, but overall, I’m just really excited! Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings if you want to!

[snowangeldotmp3]

what do you think ronance do to comfort each other and help each others ptsd?

i think about this. so much.

(tw: discussions of disordered eating)

okay so:

i think nancy is the type to seek distraction. doesn't care what it is. she just, needs to Not be thinking at the moment. like if she wakes up from a nightmare, robin is there, and it's "what do you need?" and nancy replies "just talk. i don't care. about anything. everything." because robin knows not to push nancy, she knows that wherever nancy's mind's at, it's not a Good place. and she doesn't want to pry, nancy will talk when she's ready. in the meantime, robin lays back, nancy's head resting on her chest--so she can feel robin's heart, breathe in and out with her, and the rumble of her chest when robin speaks--and robin just. talks. about anything and everything. "did i ever tell you about that time?" or "did you know that in ancient greece the oracles were getting high off sulfur?" or "i watched [insert movie] the other day. terrible. do not recommend. i could make it so much better." or sometimes, when she's run out of things to say, she just hums. whatever song comes to mind, sometimes it's theme songs. usually the muppets.

robin i think is a bit floatier (? not sure if that's the right word, but i'm sticking with it) i think when it comes to her ptsd. she needs that tether to something, to someone, or else she'll fly away. nancy is that tether, that rock, for her. grabs robin's hands to keep her grounded. nancy lets robin talk about it, once she's back on the ground, because for robin, having it out in the open is better, helps her deal with it (i won't exactly say process, but it helps) and reassures her that she's safe. (sometimes nancy has to act as a weighted blanket. she just, lays on top of robin and breathes slowly, in and out, and it calms robin down.)

(tw: disordered eating) sometimes, especially around the anniversary of barb's death, nancy just like, shuts down. she won't eat. at all. this does not stop robin from trying to give her like. little snacks. a granola bar here, some juice there, some crackers, water, etc. anything she can to get some nutrients into nancy so she doesn't collapse. sometimes, when nancy's in this state, she locks herself up in her room, needing to just be alone and grieve, robin keeps a close watch on the door, uses her genius ears to listen and see if nancy's still okay, not doing anything too destructive. she'll leave food and water by the door (because she's gotta come out of there sometime, right?) i also hc that robin is the cook of the house, so when nancy begins to come out of it, she cooks nancy whatever she asks for. (it's usually snickerdoodles.)

robin plays with nancy's hair, braids it, unbraids it (poorly, she might add, but it's always so gentle that nancy doesn't ever say no) and, while nancy isn't particularly floaty, she does need reminders sometimes that this is real, she's not in a vecna vision, she's not in a nightmare, i think robin likes to trace lil shapes and lines on nancy's hands. she jokingly reads her palm, just to make nancy giggle.

robin suggests that nancy start another journal, one to help her with some of the more complicated feelings, it doesn't even have to be trauma related, but she knows talking about it is hard for nancy, she relives it when she talks about it, but maybe the journaling will help!

walkmans. always. nearby. and a mix tape of their favorite songs. just in case.

if robin's had a torture related nightmare, where she's mumbling "the week is long," and all that, nancy gently brings her back to reality, tethers her back, runs her fingers through robin's hair and massages her scalp. it brings robin back every time. it's the one trauma robin doesn't open up much about, so when she does, nancy hangs on to every word, holding on as tight as she can (as tight as robin asks her too) until robin's done.

OH, LAST ONE: robin wasn't there for the demogorgon, but she notices when the lights flicker during a storm or something that nancy just, stops. and waits. her hands will twitch, reaching for a gun that isn't there. her eyes will flick from wall to wall, watching, waiting, to see if anything tries to push out from it. they haven't really figured anything out for this one, but nancy has an Emergency Demogorgon Plan that they run through, just in case. and so far, that's the only thing that makes her feel better. robin runs through the demogorgon plan, asking for step by steps, throwing in questions like "and what if that doesn't work?" which robin will have to substitute with something quick on her feet. she tries, most of the time, to get nancy to laugh. (also christmas lights are a No in their home. nancy can't. robin is more than okay with this.)

this is all i have for now, i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about these gals <3

[scramblecat]

(Get asked back. >:3)

🤝 How would you describe the nature of Phoenix and their Handler’s working relationship? (Bonus: at what point/s do you think this dynamic shifts?)

HI CONGRATS YOU ASKED ME THE QUESTION I’M THE MOST NORMAL ABOUT. I will try and keep this brief because I have done rambles about this multiple times before. However knowing me that likely will not stop me and it probably won’t be very brief. so I apologize in advance LMAO

I’ll answer the first bit first, and be more broad than just working relationships— I’ll say their relation with each other is both Complicated and Undefined. They do care greatly for each other, especially Handler to Phoenix, and it’s up to the player to interpret that. Coming from a Stanley Parable shipping-the-British-voice-with-the-silent-protagonist background I personally interpret it with definitely at least some flavor of very strong affection (“That’s the agent I know and…work with—”), but I can’t see it as a fully romantic thing because of both their characters and the nature of their job. A much closer bond than friends but not exactly ‘lovers’, if that makes sense. I know the question was ‘working’ relationship, but by the third game Handler is letting whatever’s going on on his end slip directly into their work dynamic so it’s, a part of that.

SPEAKING OF. onto the bit that I’m Normallest about, the bonus question,,..

Well known fact about me at this point I feel, but I absolutely ADORE Handler’s character development in relation to Phoenix across the three games. He goes through a massive shift in opinion of them, but it’s over a long enough length of time that it’s more gradual when we focus on each game or individual mission.

For a quick TL;DR before I start rambling (because a ramble is imminent), his treatment of them goes through multiple phases: Aloof —> Respecting —> Caring —> Outright affectionate. now here’s where the ramble starts

Going back to the first game, he really starts out as a little bit of a prick tbh LMAO. He’s rather aloof to the happenings of the game, including Phoenix getting injured or killed. That’s because all of this is routine for him. Phoenix is no different from any other expendable agent, so he feels fine talking down on them a little, unbothered by them being in dangerous situations, and he does absolutely Expect Them To Die.

I think the point which this dynamic starts to shift is at least a few missions into the first game, when Phoenix has defied that expectation time and time again, proving their skill and worth as an agent. Handler starts to actually take them seriously and starts giving them a certain amount of respect. Especially after the Death Engine, where they survive the impossible and also save a whole lot of people.

From the start of the second game onward that shift is apparent, when Handler actually trusts them enough to come with them on field missions multiple times, now that he knows for a fact that they’re not going to fuck things up for both of them. Obviously he’s still the one giving instructions, but that’s the nature of their job— aside from that, he cares about them as a person, not just an agent! He really likes working with them, and he doesn’t do it just because it’s his job anymore! Hell, he even risks his life and probably defies some sort of protocol by looking for them by himself on foot for hours after they get kidnapped.

And it doesn’t even stop there. Losing Phoenix during the Peace Summit fucks him up Big Time, to the point where he even almost resigns from his job because he’s doing it for Them, and he Would Have if they hadn’t come back when they did. unlike the Handler we first meet, he seriously grieves for them and it causes more damage to him than we really see on the surface.

So the dynamic shifts majorly after Phoenix comes back again, because Handler has lost them once, and he cares about them way too much to lose them again. He’ll do just about anything to keep them alive, including readily risking his own life to save theirs. He doesn’t even try to hide how much he cares about them after the second dynamic shift, he’s just so happy to have them back. And that is a STARK contrast to Handler in the first game, but to me it’s gradual enough that you only really realize how MUCH he’s changed if you go revisit the first game, and I think that’s a sign of incredibly well done character development. I love these games so much,.,.

—————

. That wasn’t brief.

Anyway thank you for the ask!! I always enjoy the opportunity to be abnormal abt Characters and their Dynamics :] sorry it’s a bajillion words long it’s known across the land that I cannot be normal about this kind of thing /silly

—————

IEYTD Ask Game!! Send me an emoji and I’ll answer the corresponding question!

[kjhmyg]

not re related but i’ve been having a rough time… this happened almost a year ago but last year in august, it was senior year (i still remember the exact date and time it happened) but two of my best friends cut me off cuz they said i had a lot of problems.. and no joke cried until 3 in the morning. it was so hard seeing them everywhere at school, i literally cried every week bc my heart hurt so bad just from seeing them. even though our friendship lasted 6 months (6 months with one of them, the other 2 years) we talked every day, literally every day, hung out almost every week and had a sleepover every month, so when they cut me off, i felt like a piece of my heart fucking tore in half.

then during the 2nd semester of senior year, i became classmates (not even friends) with the person i knew for 2 years and i admit i was REALLY happy. but a part of me thought she was doing it out of pity, keep in mind i still cried every week because of how bad it hurt. and then on our last day of school, i finally did the thing that hurt me the most and blocked their instas and delete all of our gcs and messages, and all of our photos. 700 photos of them. and i cried for hours on end. it hurt so bad.

and at graduation i saw one of them, and we talked for a bit. but it still hurt so bad. i thought i wouldn’t be so hung up over them but i still am it hurts.. and like the thing is, i thought we’d be a friend group throughout our senior year and maybe even college but it still hurts… and like i want to forget them but i genuinely can’t. :(

ALSO IM SORRY FOR RANTING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST CUZ MY MOM’S NO HELP AT ALL- like my little cousin asked me what happened between them and i started crying and so she got my mom AND MY MOM TOLD ME TO STOP CRYING, SAYING IT HAPPENED A WHILE AGO. i was just like 😀😀

hi my love! first of all, no need to apologise, we all need a good rant once in a while. i'm so sorry this happened to you :( no one deserves to be abandoned like that! did they ever elaborate on what they meant by problems? because unless those problems were affecting them, it's terrible that they just cut you off like that! especially since you knew one of them for 2 years, and spoke with them everyday.

i think it's the fact that you never got closure that's got you hung up over the whole thing. but now that you've blocked them on ig and deleted the gc, it means you're ready to move on! right?

i had a similar situation with a close friend of mine. we stopped talking (my fault, not hers), but i was hung up over it for YEARS. but because i knew i was in the wrong and i missed her. i did apologise but things didn't go back to the way it was - which is fine, because again, it was my fault.

we were still in each other's close friends list on ig and because i was seeing her every day on ig, it made it difficult for me to move on. like i kept wishing she would reply to my stories or wish me happy birthday. which never happened. so...i muted her. and the less i saw of her, the busier i got with other stuff like work etc, the easier it was to forget! to move on!

out of sight, out of mind.

so if you're ready to let the past go and move on, then im telling you from first hand experience that it will get better! let yourself feel what you feel, grieve your friendship (release all of what could've been), but know that you will feel better one day!

(but if you still want closure, it's a whole different thing so lmk. i got closure in my own way.)

anyway, you're allowed to feel sad about it doesn't matter what people think.

because i do get it, wanting to have a friend group to go through an important part of your life with. with people you have many memories with. unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky :( (me included, i never had that!).

but you'll have more chances in the future! (but also, it's okay even if you don't have that!) (it's okay to be alone) (but i dont want you to feel lonely) (life is complicated).

disclaimer that i'm not a licensed to give advice just a deeply flawed person that cares about you, and i hope that you can find your smile again one day <3

[autumntouched]

Top Gun Headcanon - Birth Order Theory Edition

If you’re reading Talk to Me on ao3, then you’ve probably noticed that siblings play a huge role in the story and that’s not an accident.

There are so many things that influence our personalities, and I love observing the role that siblings or no siblings plays in that. So here’s my headcanon for our favorite TGM characters’ family dynamics.

Phoenix - Phoenix is the third of four children with two older brothers and a younger sister. She has the adaptability and peacekeeping skills of a middle child but knows how to manipulate alliances to get what she wants when she wants to. As the younger sister of two brothers, she has no trouble or lack of confidence fitting into the male-dominated world of the Navy. While she has an easy relationship with her older brothers, her relationship with her younger sister is more complicated and they are most likely to take their frustrations out on one another. Phoenix’s parents divorced when she was young so she felt extra pressure to hold the family together. Her brothers’ protection became her source of stability, but she can sometimes unfairly place all of the blame for conflicts on her younger sister. Family nicknames: Sasha/Sash because there was another Natasha in her class and she didn’t want to be Natasha T, kids made fun of her for Nat, and Tasha seemed like a butt. Chickadee (her mom) for her bright nature and obsession with the sky. Nasha because her older brother couldn’t pronounce her name as a toddler.

Rooster - Rooster is very much an only child. He’s independent, sensitive, a little self-absorbed from time to time, and unable to shrug off (or at least pretend to ignore) Hangman’s teasing the way the other pilots do. He can find it hard to relate to his peers, especially because he matured so quickly after losing his dad at such a young age. As the only child of a single parent, he feels a huge sense of responsibility toward those around him. Family nicknames: Booger or Boo (Carole may have had too much of a sense of humor), Nicky (Goose) short for “Nicholas,” his middle name

Hangman - For much of his life, Hangman was the adored younger brother. His parents may have told him they’re proud of him one too many times. As the younger sibling of a sister, he has a sensitive streak that often catches people off guard. He’s outgoing with a lack of a sense of responsibility for others. An attention seeker, he knows how to turn on the charm or push people’s buttons as only a younger sibling can. Then his older sister died when they were in high school. He struggles with the responsibility he feels as his parents’ only surviving child and the feeling that he can never live up to his sister’s memory. Hangman was extremely close to his sister but doesn’t feel like he has the right to grieve her in comparison to his parents’ loss of a child. Family nicknames: Jakey

Bob - Bob is the youngest of four with two older sisters and one nonbinary sibling who spoil him as much as they gang up on him. He’s used to being drowned out and overlooked but accepts it as a fact of life rather than with resentment. However, he’s not without a spine and can give as good as he gets when he needs to hold his own. His parents gave him the confidence to let others take the lead and growing up with three assertive siblings, he has no problem playing second fiddle to any gender. Family nickname: Robby (and ONLY his family is allowed to call him this, with the exception of Phoenix in private)

Payback - Payback is in some ways the quintessential oldest child. He’s a little more reserved, an overachiever, and expects everyone to take responsibility for themselves and others. He has just one younger brother but grew up around several sibling-like cousins. Among them, he’s the middle child so he shows hints of peacekeeping, adaptability, and rebelliousness. He’s not opposed to breaking the rules, but he doesn’t like when people do it at someone else’s expense. He can see an argument coming from a mile away and, like a parent, will redirect the conversation rather than lowering himself into the immature fray. Family/Childhood nickname: He’s a third, so Trey and at school Fitch.

Fanboy - Fanboy was an only child when his parents got divorced and then became a younger step-sibling when one remarried and later an older half brother to a sister and brother when the other remarried. As someone forced into a position of fluidity, he prefers to hang back and observe but can work well with just about anyone. He has a natural, easy going nature and with so many different familial dynamics, he’s not as intimidated by established or de facto authority. Family nickname: None, he liked Mickey. 

[loloalin]

Wakanda Forever Spoilers//

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I wanna express how much I ADORE Nakia as both a character AND symbol within the movie. It's crazy how much I could write on her(and her importance to Shuri) but unfortunately that would take up too much space on a single post so I'm gonna focus on her character in relation to two scenes.

I wanna talk about the scene where Ramonda visits Shuri, who is preoccupied with her lab work. When her ai Griot mentions that Nakia is trying to reach her, Shuri almost immediately cuts him off, telling him to finish his calculations. To me, this stands out because it's one of the first indications we get of how unwilling Shuri is to deal with her grief. The fact that she wouldn't even let her ai try to explain why it might be beneficial for her to answer Nakia should tell us that yes, Shuri IS choosing her alienation, and as a consequence, choosing emotional/mental stagnation over growth. Nakia serves not only as a character who has been rejected by Shuri but also as a symbolic representation of growth.

But of course, we can't forget what took place before this scene: T'Challa's funeral. Everyone that loved him attended his funeral...except Nakia. And there is no doubt in my mind that this left a bitter taste in Shuri's mouth, as even she publicly showed up for and mourned her brother's death with the rest of Wakanda. This makes things more complicated when we watch the lab scene.

Nakia, who once CHOSE to be alienated, CHOSE not to fully confront/deal with her grief, is now finding out what it feels like to be on the other end of the stick. Her actions have consequences, and I see one of these consequences as Shuri entering this period of stagnation.

Without Nakia there, Shuri had one less person to talk to, turn to, grieve with. She had one less person to spill out her emotions to and, in turn, hear this person spill out their emotions. And most importantly, because this person was NAKIA, someone she knew her brother loved deeply, someone she depended on like a sister when her brother almost died due to Killmonger, the loss of those opportunities for grieving and growing together are MONUMENTAL.

Nakia, then, has a double meaning: a force for growth as well as a force for stagnation. Despite not saying a WORD at this point in the film, we are already given specific clues and contexts to work with that allow us to understand Nakia's importance as the past version of herself (alienated/nonconfrontational) and the version of herself she is trying to be now (connected/confrontational). Her past self mirrors who Shuri is at that point in the film, but her current self provides hope that if she could learn to deal with her grief and grow, so can Shuri.

Like I said earlier, I'll probably make more posts discussing Nakia's importance (especially in relation to Shuri and the other scenes she physically appears in). I just wanted to get this out of way cuz it's stayed on my mind for the longest😀.

[108garys]

For the longest time this song has given me unshakable tdim vibes but I struggled to fully articulate it and well if you sit on an ideal long enough you should at least attempt to get your thoughts across so here it goes

"The song of imaginary beings" as a song has a lot to do with "the desperate longing to bring about a person into the world that will forever love her but ends up burning in the flames of an eternal loveless hell"(a part of a larger quote from the artist but the main relevant bit I think)

I'll go over my thoughts on the woman and the imaginary beings separately undercut because long

The woman has this angle of a doomed quest for human connection and the idea of constructing perfection where none can be grasped. This horrifying loneliness where sentiment is artificially framed in place of anything real. The notion of wanting so desperately to love but even platonic/familial connection is so eroded as to equate love to grieving.

The way the subject is repeatedly removed from the in group and placed on the outside through the song and can't fit to the point of fleeing into escapism(which is a very long winded way to say that it largely reminds me of Hector but if I didn't say all that then the face value statement may shallowly sound like "sexualising that old man vibes", I mean yeah but there's more to it than that lol)

Moving on to the imaginary beings

you can break down the Phoenix/devil/serpent/siren into different trials that the lonnit crew face(with some overlap)

The Phoenix is an obvious choice for Charlie and the whole symbolism has been explored in the fandom before, especially in relation to the connection of Hector's death and rebirth as du'met after faking his death in fire

The Devil and specifically "lie for me" can easily be for Mark and Erin both in the ultimatum and complicity subplots, one in how Mark was made to lie and do so in the worst most devilish way and second the way Erin unwittingly spread a deadly lie and they both made a fatal error because of it

The serpent is maybe a bit more abstract as a lot of characters beg but I'm giving this one to Kate as three times she is in a trap with her life in someone else's hands, she begs not only for her life but for others, begs them to live and not blame themselves and even appeals to Du'met

The siren could easily be an everyone thing and it is but at a stretch with Jamie being in the deciding role, even deciding the value of her own life weighed against another person and animal, the decision to put her life on the line as bait, it checks out

The song has periodically come back to me over the time the game came out and for some reason only now when we reach so near the one year anniversary am I able to put my thoughts into words

[hyperfixasian]

Just some general random thoughts/review about BP:WF since the last time I saw an MCU film opening weekend was Thor: Ragnarok in 2017. And this is without consuming most of the prerelease material

Spoilers under the cut I suppose...

Cons:

Movie was ridiculously long. I’m not a fan of anything that almost taps out at 3 hours, and it only ever happens with action flicks. If you need 3 hours to tell a story, most of the time you’re doing too much

Shuri being the next Black Panther was ridiculously drawn out. We knew it was going to happen but it wasn’t even acknowledged by the narrative until like 75% of the way in

Related to the pacing, the conclusion wrapped up far too quickly for a conflict that was drawn out for like 60% of the film. Personally thought it was great for Shuri to choose compassion over vengeance but my god this huge conflict with much bloodshed was suddenly over in like 10 seconds

Thought the plot with Riri/Ironheart was kind of awkward... Even as we’re going into the MCU’s 300th movie, I’m always bothered that these people who exist in this universe just get scooped up out of their lives and then they go back to living, and this is just a thing that happens with no protocol in place

Hated every time Laura Dreyfuss’s character was on screen, and thought Agent Ross was poorly used in the film. I don’t know how they could’ve integrated him better but every scene with the American portion of the film took me out of it

Did they ever explain the sonic siren attack or is that something the Talokanians can just do?

Pros:

A fantastic homage to the late and great Chadwick Boseman. Respectful and loving but not placing too much focus that detracted from the story or made the tone too sorrowful

Black Panther remains one of my favorite film series within MCU because of the wide array of strong female characters from leaders, warriors, and scientists to mothers and teachers

Shuri’s arc was fabulous. Her character is a tragic one, much like Thor, Wanda, and Peter before her and yet she still finds her own specific way to grieve. You can see her tackle each stage of grief but what makes it special is that she doesn’t even have time to finish mourning T’Challa before her mother is taken from her, and you can see her, still in the anger phase, multiply that rage exponentially

The city of Talokan was sooo beautiful, and I love that it and its citizens appeared to Shuri just as much as Wakanda did. I love that the narrative remembered that the Talokan were not just a warring army, there were thousands of citizens who lived happy and peaceful lives just as the Wakandans. Would’ve shortened that scene but it was skillfully used

Nakia/Lupita looked sooo beautiful every scene she was in, I could not look away

Love that Black Panther always knows the tone it’s setting. There are plenty of moments that had my theater roaring from laughter, Agent Ross, Okoye, and Riri especially. But the sorrowful moments of mourning Chadwick were respectful, and the serious moments focusing on colonization/war profiteering/racism/imperialism were always taken completely seriously. None of the jokes ever felt out of place, and I appreciate it for a film series tackling very serious subject matter

Neutral:

The post credits scene??? Ummmmm... T’Challa and Nakia had a whole ass child (looks to be like 4-6 years old so I’m wondering how that fits in the timeline) and they just kept it a secret??? And Ramonda knew but not Shuri

Idk why my girl Okoye has to go through some shit every film. She’s a complicated woman but I feel like the story likes to punish her very often when she is just sticking to her principles

Love that my man, Michael Bae Jordan/Killmonger, got to show up a little, was a pleasant and almost scary surprise. Did they explain why he showed up in the ancestral plane rather than Shuri? Is it because she didn’t believe and that’s why he was called to her?

Probably have more thoughts but this is all my 11pm brain can produce. Would love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on it! All in all, I loved the film and can’t wait for it to be released on D+ (just wish it was 30 min shorter for my ADHD brain)

[brbabcseu]

Please, please, please tell me Ximena and Javier get a happy ending! I want so desperately to see them happy, especially Mena, sweetie, girl of my heart! 🥺💖

HEHE rest assured in the normal timeline, they find their way to a happy ending. They experience a lot of turbulence when it comes time to face the realities of the two worlds they're inhabiting-- Ximena's normal one and the one she and Javi now share in the crime world-- many accusations of hypocrisy and lying, regrets on the short-sightedness of their getting together and how it isn't sustainable.

They take a break for some time and it's absolute radio silence on Ximena's end; she doesn't hear anything from Javi for months. Then one day out of the blue she gets a call. "What are you doing right now?" "Javi, where the hell have you been?" "I'm in Rome. You busy?" "You want me to fly to Italy? Right now?" So he flies her to Italy lol. The man needed a vacation and he knows Mena needed one too. He tells her that he's making his exit from the cartel. It hasn't been easy; he's had a lot of loose ends that needed tying up and he didn't want her in the crossfire. It's an extended release epiphany of sorts lol from him meeting Ximena till now, it took him that time to acknowledge the fact that he just hasn't really felt fulfilled from the cartel itself. Being a leader and a competent businessman and someone with ample money when he once was a kid conning for scraps on the street have been the fulfilling parts.

All this time, Lalo's ghost has been kind of haunting him and he didn't want that to be true. But he just kept climbing higher and higher, all the while becoming crueller, more ruthless, to prove something to a man that wasn't there anymore. Like maybe if he kept going, he would finally understand why this surrogate brother of his was the way he was.

Being able to confide all of this in Ximena is the most vulnerable he's ever been. She does some of her own confessing. Her whole life, she's been on the outside of the chaos afraid to look in. At first she thought it was because of the danger, but being with Javi made her realize that while being afraid of the danger itself was a part of it, she was more afraid of her fascination with the danger. She wanted to understand what her brother and cousins and uncles felt and she wanted to be a part of something. In a way, it was getting closer to the things she lost and couldn't let go of. She supposes she never grieved properly.

The two make amends and enter an actual, real-deal relationship. Javi finds something else fulfilling to do with his life (I'm not at all a car person but he is, so surely it's something car related lmao he can go figure that out and hopefully he tells me) and Ximena does more field work because she really does love her job. And she loves Javier!! And Javier loves her!!!! And their love is a little complicated and unconventional looking but it works for them. So yeah. It takes effort but they get their happy ending.

... In the timeline where Lalo lives, however..........

[mental-skillness]

here's the thing, and I'm going to be as blunt as possible about this:

you don't know me very well.

You met me at a time when my entire life has been completely uprooted. I'm not trying to say I don't have issues, and I'm not even trying to say none of those issues are related to autistic trauma. But that is very much not my primary struggle. It's the struggle that you've been exposed to the most. there are a lot of reasons for that but the main one is that I mirror people very heavily. I have a tendency to focus on things that I think the people around me will relate to, and that doesn't mean those are the only things affecting me, it just means that I have historically not recieved the support I need and so now I subconsciously highlight issues that are relevant to the people around me because people are more likely to take issues seriously if theyve experienced them firsthand.

My main issue is not that I think I'm a bad person. Yes, that is something I struggle with, and yes, I struggle more with it when I don't have a strong support network. But I am also cognizant of the fact that my feelings are not indicative of reality.

Right now the main point of stress for me is the fact that I am in a new environment where I don't know anyone, and my secondary point of stress is that I have just changed the plan I've had for my life since eighth grade.

I was leaning on you because I've been trying to make friends. I was leaning particularly hard on you, W, because you go to my school and you have homework and bodydoubling is an easy way for me to bond with people because it's less overwhelming for me. K does not have homework, which means they only really need to bodydouble for cleaning, which means that to bodydouble with K I need to drive or be driven fifteen minutes. W lives closer to me and has a wider variety of tasks, so they were the one I gravitated toward to ask to bodydouble. The other issues — calling late at night, for instance — are miscommunications. You told me to call late at night if I needed to, and I took that at face value. The ways that I know how to reach out to people are either through bodydoubling or asking for support, and I'm sorry that that gave you the sense that I couldn't function without you. I've been functioning without other people for most of my life — I promise that didn't change over the course of a month.

I am not trying to say that your concern was unwarranted, because I understand why you got the impression you did and I was not doing well for a few weeks, but part of that was because I was trying to build close friendships with you and I didn't feel like you were reciprocating, which is not on you. Regardless of whether you were or were not trying to be close friends, I could tell I was not getting the relationship I was trying to make, and since I wasn't sure why, it built on my preexisting social anxieties until it culminated in last week.

Again, I am not faulting you for anything I've said so far. There's really only one thing you did that I am upset by, and that was the fact that you pressured me into divulging my insecurities in a way that felt manipulative. I'd just told you that I worry a lot about hurting people, which is true, and I feel like you used that fear to tell me if I was hurting you if I didn't share something I was explicitly uncomfortable with sharing. Grief is an incredibly complicated process, especially grief from suicide, and especially grieving when you also have a history of not having your traumas validated. The details of that are not things I am obligated to share with anyone, especially not people I've known for a month or two. If my mental health is causing you distress, it is your responsibility to distance yourself from me, not my responsibility to tell you all my issues in the hopes that it will make them go away.

The whole discussion felt counter to the stated goals. You needed more distance from my issues, and I was feeling distressed about the level of vulnerability I had already shown to you. The only thing that discussion did was make me feel more vulnerable, which made me need support and reassurance that you were unable to provide.

Again, I do think you were trying to make things harder for me or make me feel like I didn't have agency, but that is how I felt, and I think it would be in all of our best interests to cultivate some space between us

[essayofthoughts]

If you were to place the VM group in Hogwarts, which houses would you personally sort them in? If you were to equate them to any characters in the HP books, who would you relate them to and why? I’m also not trying to endorse JKR in any way, I’m just curious.

I imagine you sent this in probably because I've got that Hogwarts AU in my WIPs list - I want to be clear here that I came up with that idea several years ago when I first started watching Campaign 1. I wanted to see if I could transpose backstory and character concepts into HP's system because it was my first real fandom and one of the ones I have the easiest time recalling. Harry Potter was very important to me at a very formative period in my life and that means I retain a lot of fondness for the series despite the fact that JKR is a transphobic piece of shit and I have no intention of giving her any more money until such a time as she completely deradicalises (assuming it ever happens. If she dies still radicalised, she still isn't getting any money from me: it'd still benefit the organisations she's set up which by that point would likely be even more transphobic).

However, due to the... everything of Critical Role, I ended up tacking on a lot of my own existing worldbuilding and headcanon to fit things more closely, and at this point it's just called the Hogwarts AU because that's its starting point and provides at least the core idea of "magic school drama" pretty effectively. I don't know if I'd even keep it being Hogwarts when I write up the AU, especially as Exandria has the Alabaster Lyceum right there.

tl;dr: I have some House ideas. I have no idea if they'll be relevant to the one fic I have that even touches on the world and... I have complicated feelings about HP. I am trying to grieve it, as something important to me that I am disconnecting from, and... I don't think answering this question as you've requested would do that.