#especially the ones that take place in my previously-constructed aus

[you-are-forever-special]

I Am Your Mother's Keeper

\\×AU where our goofball boys make a new... "friend," and Taiga's life is caught up in another whirlwind.×

<Set to take place the same time as the episode 'Doublebookedklok'>

If you don't know who my OC Taiga is, this is her original story: https://www.tumblr.com/you-are-forever-special/723792412034662400/tenacious-me?source=share

But I wanted to put her in the Metalocalypse universe, and some of my great friends encouraged + inspired me to get here today.

So here we go!//

TW: Cussing, Alcoholism, Implied drug abuse + self-harm, Animal death, Mentions of blood/injuries, Spiritualism + Related ritual

(It's not in great detail, or graphic, but still!

This story gets kinda silly, then action-packed, and suddenly really intense and emotional. But I tried to end it on a more hopeful note.

I hope you enjoy! This was so much fun to make!

I'm open to constructive criticism, and any other comments, as always! And I tried my best to catch any errors, but if you spot any yourself, please let me know and I'll fix it!

Thank you very much~!)

-Took about 12hr40min to write out-

~~~~~

It all started with a plan to begin their infamous drinking bender.

But the guys in Dethklok were especially going to up the ante this time.

Mostly because...

They were bored out of their fucking minds.

They've played shows in Minnesota before, but each time, they wanted-

No, NEEDED to spice things up, and at least not be sober for their time spent here.

Besides, it's not like it affected their success much, right?

Everything always turned out fine.

And it continued to go that way...

Until they got stranded.

They just wanted to stop at a nearby gas station for a bit, and ended up accidentally being left behind.

And the boys forgot their Dethphones on the Dethbus they were on, and now they were freaking out because they were most likely going to DethDIE(Hamburger Time) out here with no supplies.

All they had with them were their current drinks that varied in levels of completion.

The boys tried to internally calm themselves down.

They each had a drink in their hand. That was something.

And Nathan assumed that any kind of drink they consumed meant that they were being hydrated, so it was ok for now.

Everyone else agreed, or at least in Skwisgaar and Pickles' case, didn't bother to argue with it.

Still pretty inebriated, the thought of going back into the gas station for shelter, and a phone, etc, to use... Didn't even occur to them.

And they figured that ultimately, the woods that they spotted nearby would be their best bet, because there was probably a shortcut to make it back to their bus.

--

None of these men were scared.

And if they were...

Fuck you, they weren't going to admit that.

...

Thankfully it wasn't cold outside.

And even if it was,

"Hey, at least we have booze, amirite?" Pickles pointedly swished the liquid around in his bottle as he was the first one to break the silence that fell upon them and say what they were all thinking as they trekked deeper into these woods.

He smirked before taking another swig from it; seemingly without a care in the world.

And amongst each other, they all agreed that alcohol + the cold totally cancels out the chances of getting frostbite.

Pickles then recalled what Nathan said earlier while they were still traveling on the road to get here.

About how they'd all get "so damn sloppy, that we'll have to make a new word in the dictionary just for this moment in history."

And he even made a note to himself after that statement to ask Charles how to get something put into the dictionary in the first place.

As usual though, Pickles got a head start on their little "party;" being much more than just drunk before they had even planned to have this so-called "Ultra Doubly-Brutal Bender Extreme," as Nathan had ultimately previously put it.

He seemed pretty proud of himself for that name. So, he just let Nathan have that one.

It could be called the "Party of the Piss Platoon" for all he cared...

He was obviously down for it either way.

But Pickles being Pickles was handling it supremely well, and just going with the flow as they walked; Along with starting to wonder who out there in this world even made dictionaries and chose what got put into them anyway.

Regardless, it'd sure take a lot more than this to get him to the point of sloppy Nathan talked about.

Toki, on the other hand, was currently trying to just win his battle with "stupids gravi-tees."

He was winning so far.

However, it was getting pretty dark, and much harder to see anything.

Toki felt that pit of uneasiness blossoming forth in his chest and rising, but he just tried to keep an eye on his bandmates.

Tried is the keyword here.

Because for now, he could only look up enough to spot the silhouettes of their heads, or legs, depending on how he was able to hold up the upper half of his body as time passed.

His worries subsided a bit since they stayed close by as he stumbled along behind them.

Toki's vision was swimming, but he was grateful that he didn't feel like he had to puke anymore.

As the other members chatted, Toki didn't make out a word since he was too busy grumbling mostly to himself about how he already emptied his new bottle; even swinging it upside down and shaking it like that would magically make more of the feel-happy juice flow out.

Toki sighed, but then he immediately was distracted as a different feeling rose within him.

He suddenly called out to the boys.

"Ah, waits, guys!!"

They all froze and turned to face him quickly, because he basically screamed that out.

Most of them seemed annoyed at the jolting disturbance, besides Pickles who was inquisitive, but overall was just vibin'.

Nathan seemed the most irritated by the sudden piercing pitch that Toki's voice could sometimes reach.

He may be used to loud noises in his profession, but certain ones like that just hit a nerve within him.

At least it wasn't as bad as certain fangirls' who have basically screamed right in his ear before.

And not in the ways that he'd prefer.

Still, Nathan was patient and just asked:

"...Why are you screaming...?"

Toki just swayed a bit and slowly blinked as he stared at them, before he remembered why he got their attention in the first place.

"OH.

I's gots to go pee!"

...

...

...

"Oka-?"

"Yous all waits for me here! 'Kay bye!"

And before they could even attempt to refuse, Toki went off past some nearby bushes and trees, humming to himself.

Murderface spoke up after he left, saying:

"Their'sch schomething scheriously wrong with him. I schwear."

Nathan just grumbled and debated continuing to walk ahead, but the softer side of him relented and decided to wait for Toki after all.

"Don't want him to somehow fall and, you know... Ugh... Something..."

Nathan half-heartedly sent his shoddy reasoning into the air before he shut himself and his feelings up with more beer.

Skwisgaar was the most antsy looking one out of them all; holding onto his bottle like it was his lifeline.

He didn't have his guitar, and needed to hold onto something before he snapped himself.

He couldn't even bring himself to make a snide remark this entire time despite his anger, but he did dramatically let out a heavy sigh; making it clear how much he didn't want to be here anymore.

Skwisgaar mumbled to himself, shaking his head.

Why did this have to happen?

It was so annoying having to deal with things like this all the time.

Some "bender" this was turning out to be.

He didn't realize how much he was truly exaggerating, or how hypocritical he could be.

He would usually tease others for complaining whatsoever. Toki overall. But if even one little thing didn't go his way, Skwisgaar was the one who would technically have the biggest reaction out of them all.

His pouting was unmatched. Especially once he could no longer keep it bottled up.

Sometimes he'd snap and yell, but for now, he tried his best to not hit anyone over the head with his-

OH RIGHT. HE DIDN'T HAVE IT.

Maybe his bottle would be good enough.

Skwisgaar could feel his eye barely twitch and he started weighing his options once Murderface yelled out to Toki about hurrying up, even though he was probably too far to hear, which made Nathan internally groan. Speaking of annoying sounds...

They might end up killing each other before actually partying at all.

Before Nathan decided to say something harsh that would require many types of guitar riffs, Pickles tsked first and sat down on the ground for now; resting an arm over his one bent knee.

"Ehh!

Calm dahwn, dood."

"Oh schorry!! I'm scho schorry for schpeaking and wanting to get out of here, Picklesch!"

Pickles deadpanned and just sipped at his drink, seeing where this was going by Murderface's expression and miffed tone.

"Maybe I schould just go off on my own and get eaten by a bear or schomething!

I betcha'd like that, huh!?"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD-!!!"

Nathan interrupted by shouting in frustration.

--

Toki finished up his business eventually and somehow didn't leave a stain all over his pants, or hurt himself, despite his clumsy movements.

He internally cheered for that and instinctively picked up his bottle, even though it was empty; almost toppling over as he bent down.

But he caught himself.

As he stood back up, he perked up more at the sound of...

Squeaking?

No...

Mewling?

As soon as that clicked in his head, Toki dropped his bottle and immediately started searching in excitement for where the noises were coming from.

He didn't care or even think about the scrapes he got as he looked around; eventually stumbling upon a den after getting by some bigger branches.

Toki's pupils dilated even more as he saw a baby kitty.

It was a pretty big kitty, but a kitty nonetheless.

It wasn't long before they were in his arms, being cradled and gently rocked like you would a human child.

He cooed down at them, and despite his drunken state, he was extremely careful with the baby.

"Oh you poors things. Alls alones down here.

Don'ts worries!

I'll takes care of you!"

Toki started telling the kitty every thing that they would do together once they got back to Mordhaus as he got back out of the den.

"I can'ts wait to shows you to my friends!"

Toki was heading back, but then he froze and his eyes widened when he heard a scary growl behind him.

He slowly turned around...

And his eyes widened as he saw a cougar.

He didn't know the English word for this animal, but he wasn't stupid.

All he did know right now was that this kind of "kitty" meant danger.

And one swipe from their claws could mean Hamburger Time for good.

That sight alone basically sobered the man up.

He became even paler than usual and started to back up a bit.

"N-Nice cat..."

Toki muttered, letting out a soft, nervous laugh.

But as the cougar got down even lower like it was going to pounce, Toki's eyes darted around and he thought quick on his feet, suddenly throwing the bottle he spotted that he left behind earlier.

It hit the cougar on their side, even though he was aiming for their head.

But he didn't stop to think any longer on it as he turned back around and booked it; screaming loudly as he ran.

He didn't even register it as he ran past the rest of Dethklok.

Toki just continued to scream and hold the baby cougar close to his chest; leaving them in the dust.

---Meanwhile---

Taiga was strolling around the woods she lived in, going through her usual rounds of checking the area to make sure everything was safe and secure.

It honestly never got boring to her...

And it was pretty much her duty, after all.

But she'd happily do this even if she ever moved for some reason.

It was all such an honor to be able to do this.

For herself, and for others.

And so far, everything seemed to be peaceful, as per usual.

Taiga smiled and took in a breath of fresh air as she walked.

She looked around, adjusting her duffel bag and gripping tighter onto her nata.

There was one more area to check before she'd head back towards the babbling brook where her cottage was by.

A soft melody flowed from Taiga's lips as she went around.

All was well until she heard what sounded like terrified screaming.

And she immediately tensed up, but kept her composure as she stopped humming and quickly made her way towards the screaming.

Hopefully whoever it was was ok-

"Oof!" "Agh!"

...

Next thing Taiga knew, the wind was almost knocked out of her as Toki barreled into her like a linebacker; knocking her over and onto the ground.

"Ugh...!"

Toki fell over too, but he quickly flipped onto his back and rolled a bit as he did; trying hard to not injure the little cub.

Thankfully they were fine, but in his still adrenaline-fueled mind, it took him a second to realize that he hit someone.

His shocked state amplified as he looked up and took in this stranger's features. His wide eyes blinked a few times.

Was he hallucinating again?

...No, they were still there.

Maybe he just went insane.

Unless, that was just a costume, or-

Toki got lost in thought and was dazed as he blatantly stared.

Taiga held her head in a hand and carefully got up.

She was fine, and didn't land on her nata at least...

So that was good.

She put all that aside for now and looked over at Toki, seeing his expression.

"A-Are you alright??"

Taiga asked, but Toki was silent.

She tilted her head as she waited to see if this man would answer.

As she glanced over his features though, something about him looked familiar...

And...

Oh god. Did he have a cougar cub in his arms!?

---

Back with the rest of Dethklok, they all had stopped arguing as they heard Toki's scream getting closer moments before, and were extremely confused as they watched Toki go off into the distance without halting, or falling.

Their looks of confusion changed to more tense ones, and Pickles got back up on his feet, his guard now raised like the rest of the guys.

They were expecting something, but not THAT.

The mama cougar roared and quickly shot out of the bushes not long after Toki did.

"OH SCHIT."

The guys scrambled, collectively throwing their bottles/cans at the animal, but that didn't do much to deter it.

Pickles and Skwisgaar yelled and decided to run too, off in the same direction as Toki did.

Murderface was about to run as well before he saw the cougar decided to try and jump on Nathan first since he was the closest.

"NO!!"

He dove in front of Nathan as a first response, and was successfully taken down.

They flew over a bit and rolled past the surprised, raven-haired man.

The cougar got a couple good, deep scratches on Murderface's back, but thankfully Murderface kicked and squirmed enough before the animal chose a time and spot to hold him in a tight grip and bite down into the meat of his shoulder, instead of getting his neck.

It still hurt like a bitch, though.

As Murderface screamed, Nathan grunted as he kicked off the animal quite aways off; stunning it temporarily as he grabbed Murderface, pulling him back up so they could run off.

He tried to ignore the pain as he ran, and Nathan just tried to focus on getting somewhere safe as they went.

---

Before Taiga could continue her thought, she heard more yelling and turned her head towards it.

She quickly got back up, trying to keep her resolve despite her own fears; holding her nata at the ready.

She came to find that her suspicions on who Toki might be were correct after all as she saw Pickles and Skwisgaar running over. Were they all here?

The pair saw Toki on his knees on the ground and...

Whoever-the-fuck not too far away with a big-ass sword or something.

The two stopped running for now and were hunched over some, panting, as they looked at each other like:

'What the hell is going on???'

They didn't ask questions right now, and heard the sound of other footsteps approaching and heavy panting; Murderface and Nathan coming from the treeline with differing levels of intense panic on their faces.

Since Taiga realized what was going on, she got a firm voice and spoke up loud enough for them all to hear; directing them to follow her once they were all looking her way.

It was obvious they all were confused and questioning the obvious despite their fear, but that would have to wait.

"Come on, this way! We'll be safe! Just don't. stop. running!"

She said with urgency as she heard the mama cougar's roar getting closer.

No one argued as they followed close behind. Except Toki was still frozen in shock. Nathan had to act fast and take the kitten out of Toki's arms and used his other arm to hoist him up; draping him over onto his shoulder.

Toki didn't struggle, but Nathan thought:

'How many times will I have to do this?'

Taiga instantly felt more relieved once her cottage came into view, but didn't get ahead of herself.

She quickly got the door open with her key and let the guys go in first.

Afterwards, she entered as well, slamming the door shut behind them all and locking it.

She knew that the cougar would most likely hang around, trying to get her baby back. But she would worry about all that later.

Eventually the growling died down when they got closer, but she could see them stalking around the cottage still, as she figured.

Taiga sighed heavily; happy she didn't have to hurt, or kill any creature today.

They were lucky to have even gotten that head start on outrunning the pissed off animal.

But now...

The world famous Dethklok was currently in her cottage.

She was too frazzled to even think about the ridiculous of all this, and more importantly, she took note of how badly Murderface was bleeding.

Taiga set down her stuff then got moving and went to grab her first-aid kit.

Nathan sat Toki down onto the nearby couch and saw how he was mostly just staring into space for now, so he just left him alone.

Pickles was the first to speak up again inbetween huffs and puffs as he tried to catch his breath like everyone else; his hand over his heart.

"Gahddamn, dat was close...!"

Skwisgaar agreed, before the room fell silent aside from their panting.

They all eventually looked over at Taiga and took in her appearance more clearly.

The giant swishing tail was especially what caught their attention.

It looked so real.

Taiga could feel their eyes on her, and she tried to ignore it.

She understood. Truly.

But this was always so uncomfortable.

So, she tried to break the tense atmosphere around them.

"I know what you're thinking...

But just let me get this real quick, and then we can talk."

She set down the first-aid kit on the table in front of where Murderface stood, near her dining area.

"Here...

Not assuming you need my help, but this offer's on the table if you want it...

I understand that I'm just some stranger, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to patching up wounds.

That looks pretty bad, but I'm sure you'll be fine."

Her tone was soft and sympathetic, but she wasn't lying...

From what she could tell, if he stopped the bleeding and cleaned it up well, he could get it stitched and heal up just fine.

Murderface knew he had gotten injured pretty badly, but hey, he didn't feel like he was going to die or anything like when he had that accident on the highway.

When he snapped out of his own stunned state, he defaulted back to his signature frown.

He looked down at the kit and back up at Taiga skeptically, but eventually decided to take the kit and tried fixing himself up.

Wounds from his own knife that he would treat back at Mordhaus could get pretty deep, so maybe this wouldn't be much different.

He avoided any further eye contact.

Taiga could see his attitude towards her, but still understood and didn't push it.

She stepped back and looked over at everyone else as they stared some more.

"...Is everybody else ok?"

They looked between each other, seeming fine, before looking down at Toki.

Now that he was in a safer environment, by a cozy fireplace, he had a bit of time for his anxieties to lower some and feel more grounded again.

He blinked and saw he was instinctively just petting the kitten repeatedly.

Toki smile some at seeing their content, sleepy face as they squeaked a bit.

"...You ams okays..."

He sounded more surprised, yet relieved; closing his eyes and hugging them close, so gently, like they could break at any given moment.

Taiga took that as a relative yes and nodded, mostly to herself.

"Good. I'm glad I came across you all in time. Cougars are pretty rare around here...

Only a few sightings have ever been documented before apparently, but..."

She watched as Toki cooed more at the kitten.

She understood completely why the mother chased them.

But she wouldn't scold them. They already went through enough.

"...yeah.

Either way, it's a good thing we're all safe now. But we might have to wait here a while. If you need anything, just let me know."

Taiga offered and was met with more stares.

She sighed a bit.

"Yes, I know I must look different-"

Murderface suddenly spoke up again, making good progress on the wound he could see. It was almost impressive how well he could handle the pain.

"Moscht furriesch do."

Taiga paused and blinked, then looked floored.

"What the- I- Ah- No, I'm not a furry!" Taiga stumbled over her words a little from how baffled she was at what she just heard.

He shrugged.

"Whatever you wanna call it-"

"I'm SERIOUS, look at me!"

Taiga suddenly yanked a bit on her tail enough to prove a point, along with doing the same, but a bit softer, to her sensitive ears.

"This is just how I am!"

"...Yeah, ookay."

Taiga facepalmed and gave up, realizing she wasn't getting anywhere with this.

She didn't need their validation, but she's never been accused of this before.

She had heard the term in the past, but didn't really consider herself one after learning what it meant.

At least, she thought so???

One of her ears then instinctively flicked over at the sound of a tape recorder click, along with Nathan saying a song title that he thought up just now from witnessing this:

"Feral Contusion"

Taiga looked up in confusion at the man's now more softened features as he seemed pretty pleased with what he just did, but she didn't question it as she sighed and looked down; closing her eyes for a second.

Pickles seemed intrigued once he got past his own initial shock.

"...Okay well, either way, ya gotta admit, dat's pretty cool."

He grinned a bit and glanced at the guys, gauging their reactions.

"I used to think it would be awesome as hell if I had a tail."

"Oh! Or wings!"

Toki suddenly spoke up, looking significantly more excited after all of that.

"Or horse legs."

Most of them paused and looked at the blonde. Besides Toki, who didn't seem perturbed at all as he kept playing with the kitten.

"...What?"

Nathan spoke.

"What!?"

Skwisgaar quickly said, somewhat defensively, and turned away slightly as he crossed his arms.

Back to his deep frown.

He regretted throwing that bottle now, as he tapped his fingers on his arm.

Taiga was so surprised as they all seemed to be less and less concerned about her appearance.

The last time anyone reacted so relatively positively to finding out the truth, was Luci.

Taiga's eyes glazed over a bit as she remembered her best friend's visage again.

It felt bittersweet.

But she took a quick breath and refocused as Toki suddenly asked what her name was.

She didn't even notice he was staring at her this time, but it wasn't from awkwardness, more from awe.

Like he couldn't believe she was real.

"I go by Taiga."

She smiled a tiny bit as her nickname was complimented and called pretty by him, but Murderface snorted and not so softly said behind her:

"Of coursche."

Taiga deadpanned, but pretended she didn't hear that.

Pickles chuckled as he got a big smirk on his face and slyly said:

"Like you have room ta talk, Murderface~"

Murderface was almost done fixing himself up already, but almost botched it as he stood up from the chair he sat in, knocking it over with how fast he moved.

"OH ALRIGHT, PICKLESCH!"

He didn't seem phased and glanced away, snickering at how easily he could make Murderface angry.

Taiga couldn't help but smile a bit more as she rolled her eyes at their antics; seeing Pickles lazily poke his tongue out the side of his mouth.

She didn't want to be weird about it, but still made herself ask once the noise died down, even though she knew the answer.

"And... You're Dethklok, right?"

They each perked up again for once at being recognized, but then nodded/confirmed as such verbally for her as they realized it's truly not that surprising with how big they were.

All types listened to them.

Nathan put his focus back on Taiga; his intense look piercing through her, but she didn't cower at all.

Just looked right back at him.

She realized he was just trying to remember something when he asked if she was at their show.

Taiga almost laughed.

She would have been hard to miss if she did.

"No, but it would be fun to get to go see you guys one day."

Skwisgaar looked slightly surprised and raised a brow as he looked back over at her.

"You've never beens tos a concerts?"

"Just not your guys' before."

Taiga dramatically put her hand up to her head and pretended to be distraught.

"I'm too poor."

But then she stopped and laughed.

"Maybe one day, though!"

Nathan was relieved that Taiga didn't start trying to guilt trip them into giving her a free ticket or something. As soon as he heard it, he was starting to tense up before he realized.

Because even if she technically saved them, they didn't owe her anything.

Toki quickly spoke up again, however;

"Wowee. Maybes we cans gives you a ticket!"

Nathan wanted to tell him to shut up, but he didn't have to, because Taiga waved her hand in disagreement.

"No thank you.

That's very generous of you, but I'd rather actually pay for my ticket like everyone else. Besides, I'd feel bad having you guys do that."

She held one of her arms and giggled a bit as she awkwardly looked to the side; some of her hair covering her face.

She still wasn't used to it whenever so much attention was on her, and sometimes, she just needed a break.

But she wasn't really uncomfortable right now, thankfully.

Especially since most of the tension in the room seemed to be gone by this point.

Which made Taiga relieved.

Toki shrugged, but didn't look offended before he then carefully held up the kitten in his hands; looking underneath them before he moved his focus back up to their face, happily saying to no one in particular, that he was going to call them Aksel.

Taiga liked the name.

Understanding that it either meant "Father of peace," or "Mighty God," after wracking her brain for her knowledge of the Norwegian language.

Although, she didn't want to burst his bubble by telling him that he'd eventually have to give the baby back...

Especially since he seemed to start to feel much better.

So for now, she just stayed quiet.

Her eyes softened, and she couldn't help but feel bad for the man.

He probably just wanted a pet but didn't know what he truly got himself into.

Taiga then saw that Murderface was pretty much finished with his self patch job.

At least, for now.

He knew that he would need help later on with his back, but he really wasn't comfortable with taking his shirt off right now and letting someone do that to him.

She didn't question him and put the first-aid kit away when she saw he was for sure done with it.

He soon kept staring at Taiga's nata that was propped up against the floor.

He went over and picked it up to examine it; his love of weapons, especially the more stabby ones, getting the better of him.

When Taiga noticed, she immediately tensed up and wanted to snatch it out of Murderface's grip on instinct, but she resisted that urge and just stayed off by his side as he looked at it with a mischievous grin.

"...You like it?"

She asked, glancing anxiously between him and her beloved nata.

It couldn't be replaced.

Especially not Luci's ribbon tied to it...

So she didn't want anything to happen to it.

"Yeah. Could I have it?"

Taiga's breath hitched for a second.

"Eh-

No. Sorry.

But, I know where you can get one."

"Aw, c'mon!

I'll give you a hundred bucksch for it right now!"

Murderface had an expression like he had this in the bag, until Taiga immediately said no again.

He frowned and kept raising the price.

Until Taiga got tired of saying no and sighed, pinching her brow.

"It's not... for sale.

You can look at it, but just please, be careful."

Murderface grumbled and mocked her a bit, but surprisingly listened, looking very intrigued with the design of her nata, along with its finish.

Taiga lowered her arm and was about to get something to eat, but then she stopped when she heard what sounded like...

Helicopter blades?

Oh wow, those were getting loud, and extremely close.

Her eyes widened and she looked out one of her windows.

One of the most daunting and intricate looking helicopters she had ever seen was currently making a landing in the clearing, but was too big for the surrounding trees, effectively knocking them down.

Taiga fumed; she still owned this land after all, but tried to keep her cool.

At least it didn't damage her cottage, she thought, trying to be positive.

As soon as the guys heard and saw their Dethkopter, most of them immediately went to bum rush the door; Murderface even forgetting about the nata for now right after he put it back, and Taiga was about to shout after them to remind them of how the cougar was probably still biding its time, hiding out there despite the noise...

Before her ears picked up gunshots.

Taiga felt dread flowing through her core and she chanced looking back out the window.

She quickly looked away again, letting the guys leave her cottage.

She knew it was self-defense in that moment, as the hooded men shot the cougar, but she couldn't help but feel terrible...

All she wanted to do was protect her baby.

No one else seemed to care.

Like they were used to this.

But Taiga knew that this was a pretty fucked up world they all were in...

People even got killed on damn game shows these days.

Though...

That still didn't mean she had to just roll over and accept it like most everyone else.

But... Now what?

How could she even try to make this better?

They cheered and Skwisgaar mumbled out something along the lines of:

"Finallys."

And Nathan spoke up as they each started to leave,

"Fuck yes! Where were you, Charles!? We could have STARVED."

"It's been, ah, less than an hour."

He wasn't too worried anyways since he had trackers on the boys, but it took longer than anticipated, and he knew that anything could happen in any given amount of time.

---

Earlier when Charles was first informed about what happened to the boys, a sudden Supercell thunderstorm of seismic proportions had come out of nowhere, and wasn't spotted as they were making their flight, despite the weather radar they had installed.

The winds from the violent tornadoes it had caused, along with the severity of the lightning and size of the hail that came with it, was strong enough to even throw the Dethkopter repeatedly off course.

It was one of the worst, and most unnatural looking that Charles had ever seen.

In other circumstances, he may have even thought it to be beautiful...

He knew it wasn't impossible, but from the cyclone, the form of dark blues that flashed from within quickly morphed into a harmonious tertiary mix of purples and reds; a gut feeling tearing through Charles, telling him that this storm, like all the others he had seen happen before, was no mere coincidence.

And it had sent him further into his own level of frantic searching.

Yet he kept his cool. As he always did.

He had to. Especially in the position he held.

It was a difficult fight with mother nature, and some Klokateers were blown out of the aircraft, but he had to stay focused so the entire flight crew would not end up the same way.

But thankfully this battle seemed to end with a truce.

With the assistance of their complete avionics system, along with the Klokateers who were each trained and handpicked as the best of the best for these jobs, were able to make it back on the ground to their destination.

Although, Charles made a mental note to see to it that Dethklok's driver that accidentally stranded them would be replaced immediately.

And effectively "fired" after this fiasco.

But he'd worry about the messy details later.

---

The guys talked a bit louder as they left, to compensate for the loud noises from the Dethkopter.

Taiga didn't hear the bandmates animatedly trying to tell Charles every little thing that happened to them as he saw Murderface's injuries and urgently tried to have him looked at, but he wouldn't budge and said not to worry about that right now because he wanted to finish what he had to say too.

Funny though, because any other time, he'd be annoyed, because usually no one would pay his injuries attention at all.

But Charles just relented and "listened" to them as they talked over each other for the most part, and they had to keep starting over.

Even though he looked emotionless right now, you could see the exasperation in his eyes if you looked hard enough.

But eventually Charles started getting the gist of it throughout the rambling; beginning to fully understand more and take it all in after deciphering their...

Well, basically word spaghetti.

He got used to having to do that.

At first he thought they were all extremely high once again, but then he spotted Taiga through one of the cottage's windows himself.

He didn't physically react much, but it definitely gave him pause for a second.

Then again, not much phased him after the certain things he had witnessed before...

---

In the meantime, Toki stayed a bit behind as he stood up with his new kitten.

He still looked so happy and didn't see what happened to the baby's mother.

Or...

He just pretended it didn't happen.

Taiga had her arms crossed and was hugging herself a bit as she tried to calm down from that image that was burned into her memory when she looked out the window.

Guilt started coursing through her veins like the contents of a chilling IV drip...

Could she have saved the poor creature?

She tried not to beat herself up. It's not like she could really do much...

Taiga shut her eyes for a bit, but re-opened them and looked back up as Toki suddenly thanked her. He was the first one to.

She forced a small smile onto her face and nodded.

"Of course. It was nice to help, and meet you all."

Her voice wasn't as light anymore, yet she still tried to be friendly.

But she could start to see the glint of the unsure look bubbling up in the young man's eyes as he stared down at the new life that he was now responsible for.

It was a crushing weight, and the feeling was pretty terrifying each time that he got a new pet.

Would he mess this up as well even more... Without trying?

Toki felt like an idiot for being so impulsive lots of times.

Taiga tried not to hold any resentment towards him for taking the cub.

It sure wouldn't help anything.

Besides...

Everyone made mistakes.

No one was perfect.

She never forgot a lot of her own past regrets, as they continue to haunt her.

And she wouldn't wish that on anybody.

So she decided to at least throw Toki a bone before he got too deep into his head again.

She knew that feeling all too well, and didn't want to stand by and do nothing overall.

Taiga hurriedly found and handed him one of her favorite and most educational conservationist and ecology books.

"Here. This should help you out... I hope that it all works out for you."

You weren't really supposed to have cougars as pets, but she meant that. Hopefully the cub could be taken care of properly.

Besides, she felt like they'd each already be given lectures of some form at some point before the night was over.

She tried to inform Toki on what sources to look out for as well as those to keep in mind, especially if he ever went looking online.

She thankfully was able to save a bunch of animals out here before, and a few in her travels outside the country. And she was grateful for that, but she was only so knowledgeable.

Regardless, Taiga tried her best to explain it the best she could.

And Toki seemed to genuinely be listening.

His eyes lit up the more she went on, and he borrowed a pencil to write some things down in one of the books.

His handwriting was all over the place, but he seemed to understand it, and that's what mattered anyway, so she didn't say anything.

Taiga almost giggled a bit at how enthusiastically he kept saying "Wowee!"

But she held it back.

She got so into delving into this information, that she almost forgot about the terrible parts of today's events.

But then when she turned a bit, her eyes widened and she almost jumped when she noticed Charles standing in the doorway with a briefcase; the shadows cascading over his features making him look almost ominous.

She saw him a bit before in the media, but she knew even less about him than the band. Besides the fact that he was their manager.

Not that it was her business to know more anyway.

Taiga calmed down and sighed as she stared curiously at the man.

Toki was excitedly finishing up writing as he leaned over the table.

His tongue poked out absent-mindedly as he focused on it; licking his lips a bit.

Charles was almost surprised at seeing him that intensely focused, but once he saw the cub he held in his free arm, he held back a sigh.

"Toki...

What do you, ah, have there...?"

He was dreading asking; figuring he already knew the answer since he had gotten pets randomly before.

He knew how much it could mean to him, but despite his warnings, Toki wanted to keep him, and promised to give him the best "habipstaps."

"Hab... itat."

"Hambitets!"

Taiga shook her head a bit as she just smiled a little again. She looked a bit defeated, but didn't judge.

Toki's confident smile was beaming too brightly, so she just let him have this.

"You ams nice ladies!"

He then faced Charles again to reiterate that he promises he would take good care of Aksel.

He gave up this newest battle.

Toki was obviously dead set on this.

There were worse "pets" out there that he could have tried taking home, he supposed.

Then Toki asked if he could ask Taiga for more "cool" tips if he needed them in the future, or if she could even come to Mordhaus at some point to oversee the structure and layout of the habitat since she knew a lot about it.

His tone was very convincing, and he even tried to say he wouldn't have to hire anyone to do it.

She raised a brow for a second, wondering why he didn't just ask her directly since she was, you know... Right there.

And the fact Toki just assumed and insinuated she'd do it.

For free.

But she just let it go.

It was kind of amusing in a certain way how each member of Dethklok held their manager in such high regard, yet also treated him with such disregard at different points in time.

But it probably wasn't like that for him alone.

Either way, she actually wouldn't mind doing all that, to a point.

It would put Taiga's mind at ease being able to check in on Aksel in some form or another, however.

Even if it wasn't her fault, she still felt like she was responsible, no matter how much she knew she wasn't.

...Not that she had no semblance of trust in these people, but...

At the same time, she didn't actually know really them as individuals.

So it was hard to say.

And today was definitely a rocky start, putting it lightly.

But she tried to keep an open mind at the very least.

Charles stared at the girl.

More calculating than anything.

It was usually a liability concern when deal with who each individual who entered Mordhaus, who wasn't either an employee or a part of the band.

But he knew simple fixes to that...

And hey, if this person could actually keep Toki happy without giving him or others any extra problems to deal with (like a certain clown did), even better.

Not that he wouldn't be keeping a close eye.

Just in case.

So he ultimately said that that would be fine.

However, Taiga could tell that this conversation wasn't truly over yet.

Toki smiled even wider, like a kid in a candy store, since he was told that it was alright, and his top lip twitched a little; his mustache swinging a bit with the movement.

Charles did have a sense of exigency though, and reminded Toki that they should probably get going as well, as soon as he saw the chance to.

He agreed as he politely returned the pen.

"Thanks..."

Taiga sighed out a bit as she leaned over some and carefully wrote out her phone number in his book as well.

But she didn't seem frustrated.

More so, worn out.

So much had happened in such a short amount of time, and it was all catching up with her.

She internally hoped to at least get some rest later on, but she doubted that greatly.

Taiga put the pen down after she was done, and Toki beamed as he picked up his books and thanked her once again.

He happily said goodbye, gently moving Aksel's little paw to make it look like he was waving at her, before he quickly bounded away; off in his own little world as his tall figure went over towards the Dethkopter.

Taiga could see him through the window; his mouth quickly moving like he was excitedly talking to the cub before covering their tiny ears as they got closer to the aircraft.

It was pretty adorable, but she still couldn't bring herself to feel very chipper right now.

Charles didn't waste any time though as Taiga faced him once again.

Before he left, he wanted to make some things clear.

Taiga suddenly felt the shift in the air, like she should really watch her words, and actions while with this man especially.

She crossed her arms as he spoke, and she made eye contact with him.

"I must say that you, ah, certainly have our gratitude..."

Taiga figured he was half-heartedly attempting to save face in regards to the band, since most of them didn't really show the gratitude he mentioned, but she shrugged a bit.

"I'm just glad I could make it in time. I hope they'll be alright."

He curtly nodded, but took note of her genuine tone, before pulling out some papers.

Taiga could see this is what he actually wanted to get to as she put her arms back down by her sides. He brought the papers over to the table and neatly placed them out for her; his gloved fingers moving precisely, like he's done this routine a million times before.

She took note that he didn't seem affected in the slightest by her appearance, but that was honestly a relief at this point.

Charles explained that he would also greatly appreciate it if Taiga could fill out and sign an NDA, along with a waiver of liability.

She thought, but then paused for a bit.

She wasn't surprised by either option. Especially from the things she's heard happen around Dethklok as a whole.

And she didn't argue, but brought up something.

"Okay. I'll sign the waiver, but...

Actually, may I offer something that could potentially help us both...?"

Charles had to admit, he was taken aback, but he didn't show it.

Most people didn't even think to challenge his offers, but he was actually interested in what this girl had to say.

A slight sound of acknowledgement came from the back of his throat.

"...Let's hear it."

Taiga explained her situation in this city, and how she had help in keeping it under wraps with NDAs as well from her friends Ali and Cait.

Charles continued to make mental notes as she spoke, and she could tell, but continued on; giving over the information he may need if he wanted to confirm the details with them  too.

He didn't think that she was lying, but it was best to cover your bases when legalities were involved.

Taiga figured since there was going to be a contract signed regardless, she may as well just be completely honest, and go out on a limb here for her own sake, as she asked if they could go through with an MNDA specifically.

But she didn't give him a sob story.

Just stated what was most prevalent to the situation.

Besides, she knew that afterwards she'd be looked into more thoroughly anyway.

By either Charles, and/or others.

It was inevitable, but also understandable. Despite how intimidating this all was, she wasn't going to be difficult.

It would be stupid to even try such a thing.

What would she even be able to do, that wouldn't end in disaster?

Especially with the status Dethklok held...

They were legitimately global superpowers.

Not worth it.

Charles understood, and he was glad she actually knew what she was talking about in this regard, and cut to the chase.

Either way, he didn't see how this could really have any negative consequences, so he agreed on it.

Taiga relaxed a bit more at hearing that.

She didn't expect today to end up like this at all...

But if it could end somewhat amicably, with her safety intact, she'd take it.

As Charles set it all up, she wrote down what she needed to and instinctively organized each of the papers before handing them back over to the practically inexpressible man.

He would make sure to keep his end of the deal. If anything, he wasn't the kind of man to go back on his word.

And Taiga didn't know that about him of course, but she felt like she could actually trust this all to not blow up in flames, or worse.

He was critically acclaimed to be preeminent in what he did.

So, she tried not to worry too much about it.

At least for now.

Although, she did have one more prominent issue to bring up before he left.

But she tried to make it quick.

Taiga was confused on how she would even make the commute to and from the citadel itself.

She stated how she would use the money she had been saving up and putting away from her job at the day care Cait ran, but it still most likely wouldn't be enough.

And Taiga's job running the homeless shelter, she didn't get paid for that, and didn't want to.

She loved helping out no matter the circumstances.

She already felt bad enough having Cait pay her at first for something she'd happily do for free, but she insisted.

Charles waved it off, and decided to make a deal with her.

She wouldn't have to pay them any fees, as long as she could make sure not to cause any trouble.

For Dethklok, or him.

Charles said he would have a packet sent to her that would be filled with all of the important guidelines she would have to follow whenever stepping foot onto the property of Mordhaus.

And she wasn't the kind of person that wanted to cause some sort of scandal.

So she especially knew the obvious things to not do.

Again, from a rational standpoint, why would she?

Celebrity or not, there were just some things fans, or others did, that she could never even think of trying.

Also...

The members who made up Dethklok were grown men at the end of the day, and she wouldn't try and play babysitter, or be controlling...

But she heeded the warnings, regardless.

And would try her best to respectfully keep things in check when needed.

Even if something out of her control happened, she would just try to work through and accept it as she paid the price.

Taiga still thought it was extremely fair, and surprisingly generous of him (even if he was mostly being smart and covering his ass) given the circumstances, but she could see that overall, despite his uncaring demeanor or the monkey business that ever took place, he just wanted to keep the guys happy.

At the very least in ways that wouldn't be self detrimental, if he could help it.

So after getting past her stupefaction, she signed off on that agreement as well.

"...Thank you."

Charles glanced briefly over the papers for now before tucking them away once again.

"Yes, well...

Thank you for your time and, ah, cooperation, Ms. Taira."

Taiga nodded as she internally cringed at her real last name being said, but didn't bother saying anything about it.

Charles simply then bid her a good night and farewell; not making any grand gestures, or wasting any more time with further pleasantries as he hastily left her cottage and made his way back to the Dethkopter.

...

Taiga tried to reflect on what all happened today.

Actually, she didn't have to try.

It wouldn't leave her brain.

Especially as she went outside and was left with the mother cougar's body after everyone flew off.

Seeing these kinds of things never got any easier, but she tried to stay strong for what she needed to do next.

Taiga knew that she should take a few moments for herself later on...

It would be healthy.

Not selfish at all, she reminded herself.

And maybe, just maybe, she could successfully get a good rest afterwards.

With no nightmares.

...

But this would continue to itch away at her until she cracked...

She couldn't just leave them out here, anyway.

She wouldn't be able to live with herself.

...

So she got started.

--

As she finished burying the cougar,

Taiga knew the cycle of life would continue, no matter how she felt.

And she took her gloves off, putting them away as she got lost in thought once again.

The body would decay, feeding other lifeforms, just as others that perish.

But each time, she wanted, no...

Needed to give a proper burial.

And when possible, a ritual for it.

It was always such an intense experience.

Emotional and otherwise while going through each ritual.

But Taiga would do it again and again.

In her eyes, it was deserved.

She didn't believe in "perfect," but tried her best to carry this out in the closest way to it as possible.

Taiga closed her eyes, and tears fell down her face as she inhaled; wishing the cougar farewell, and honoring her.

If her spirit wished to remain in contact, she would gladly accept that and try her best to appease them just as she did for any others that came her way...

Whether they made a connection or not, she wanted to be a safe guide, no matter the duration of the stay.

Taiga made another protective charm, similar to the ones inside and around her cottage, and placed it over the grave.

Despite her inner turmoil about how this turned out, she tried to move forward.

Staying stagnant in this moment wouldn't change much.

She would not ever forget this experience of course, but wanted to do right by this being, no matter the cost.

If that meant watching over the cub, so be it.

Taiga would try and help whenever she was called, even after their final breaths were taken.

So after saying her final goodbyes, she got back up, dusted the dirt off herself a bit, and headed inside her cottage again to get on her new computer; immediately getting started on researching more.

She wanted to go above and beyond trying to expand her knowledge on the care, and overall ways of these creatures themselves; highlighting key DOs and DONTs.

Even if she already knew quite a lot about felines as a whole, it wouldn't hurt to read up on them even more.

Focusing on this helped distract her mind for a while...

Easing any pain that came with thinking too much on the events that transpired, or when they would suddenly flash into her head again.

But she also tried to steel herself and not push herself too hard again; taking some breaks inbetween, and trying to just...

Breathe.

When Taiga was able to open her eyes and look back up again, she let herself feel, but reminded herself of what was the utmost truth...

And the end goal she was striving towards.

Strengthened by her new resolve, she took a few more breaths, and was able to set a timer for herself to stop for tonight before trying to get some sleep afterwards.

And as Taiga finished up her current study session and jotted down her notes in the much more silent, coiling vibrations of the now recessing woods that surrounded her...

She couldn't help but wonder what the future may have in store for her from here on out.

~~~~~

[allsassnoclass]

...

[gingersnappish]

KYLUX RECS 2020-2021

My Kylux Recs in the last year (Aug, 20 2020 - Aug 20 2021)

SO. MUCH. GOOD. FIC!!! We are really lucky in this fandom to have so much good stuff to read!

Fic is part of the lifeblood of fandom, in my opinion-it shares new ideas and AUs and fleshes out the characters and most of all it inspires and entertains us all and engenders all sorts of feels for the characters-it’s part of what keeps us shipping! So a big ‘thank you’ to all the fic authors out there who work so hard at their craft and are generous enough to share it with all of us!

The following list is by no means comprehensive-there are LOTS and lots more very good fics that have been published in the last year that I haven’t read. I just wanted to offer up a few recs from what I know I enjoyed so far! (I also have more than fits on one list to rec-I’ll try and do another list soon!) As always, I rec based on personal taste, and I highly encourage reading all the tags/warnings on any given work to make sure it’ll be to your taste! -

The Flirtation Of Flowers 

DaisyChainz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771553

Words: 5,917

Rating: Teen

Summary:Kylo runs his farm's stall at the Farmer's Market every weekend. He has a new customer, a gorgeous redhead that is curious about the meanings of his bouquets. Kylo doesn't know anything about that, so he makes stuff up to keep the man coming back every week.

My thoughts on the rec: This is the cutest slice of a modern AU kylux-it really nails Kylo’s personality as a (slightly awkward) flirt who is trying his best and just really likes the redhead who keeps coming to buy flowers. Just a sweet little fic all ‘round!

all i have to do is dream

kyluxtrashcompactor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709426/chapters/44373613

Words: 11,456

Rating: Teen

Summary:Armitage Hux has been going to the same bar every Thursday for the last year, nursing a crush on the gorgeous, unobtainable bartender, Kylo Ren. He finally gets up the courage to ask him out, only to find out he has some unusual competition: the memory of a red-haired boy from Kylo's past, who Kylo swears is the soulmate that got away from him.A fill for this SoftKyluxKinks prompt:Anonymous asked: Benarmie with young Ben (around 11 years old) having a huge crush on Armitage (16). Hux finds it adorable but mostly ignores him because he's a kid. Flash forward a few years when Ben is all grown up and Hux is the one with a huge crush.

My thoughts on the rec: This is another really cute young modern AU! I like the idea that Ren has liked Hux forever, but this deals nicely with the age gap and that Hux really wouldn’t notice Ren back until they are both appropriately older. And they make such a cute couple-it’s a great progression from just ‘he’s hot’-like, there is a lot more to them than that in the end!

Homecoming 

sigo 

(really, read anything by sigo, it’s all my favorite)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150808

Words: 13,450

Rating: Explicit

Summary:“We’re off the next two weeks, you know.”“Yes, I know.” There was emergency construction scheduled to fix cracking asphalt too near a pipe in the center of campus. The buses couldn’t run, and that phenomenon was the only thing that ever cancelled classes. Halloween was dead center in the unplanned time off school, and every bar within a fifteen mile radius would be untenable as the students celebrated. Hux was planning on staying home, catching up on grading. He was rather looking forward to an opportunity to reread his favorite novels. They were already stacked by the couch in preparation.“My family always throws a Halloween party and they got word that I could come this year,” Kylo said, shuffling his feet. He looked almost bashful.“Ren, it’s midnight,” Hux sighed at his infuriating coworker. “Get to it.”“I may have informed my entire family previously that we were dating.”

My thoughts on the rec: One of my all-around fav fics from the last year’s worth of my reading material! It’s got the modern AU vibes down pat without losing their personalities or making them too OOC, it’s got the fake-dating trope done REALLY well, it’s got a wonderful creepy vibe strung delicately throughout for the Halloween haunted setting, it’s got plot and make-outs (and more). Can’t recommend highly enough!

Thaw

thesevioletdelights

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557180/chapters/69982587

Words: 14,316

Rating: Explicit

Summary:They have managed cooperation - efficient cooperation, even - in these past months, which is more than enough. And already nothing short of a miracle for both of them.Still. Ren was a fool to think he could simply run off and keep Hux in the dark.-----When Ren goes missing on a mysterious planet, Hux sets out to find him. He doesn't yet know that he just might find himself.

My thoughts on the rec: This, like all of violet’s fic, is HOT! Like, scorching vibes between them! It’ll draw you in and not let you go ‘til after the boys are ‘done’! And, like all of violet’s fics, the character voices and personalities are also impeccable!

Rocks Break Gifts

elderbwrry

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25840237/chapters/62777839

Words: 16,706

Rating: Mature

Summary:The Rebellion has been crushed, a coup affected, and Supreme Leader Ren and his Grand Marshall Hux have settled into a domestic routine as the joint rulers of the Galaxy. Kylo wants nothing more, now, than to make his relationship with Hux official, but he can't seem to rise to Hux's challenge of a satisfactory proposal.Or, the five times Kylo proposes, and the one time Hux says yes.

My thoughts on the rec: Ahhhhh, the premise in this one is great! Like, I don’t wanna spoil the plot reveal at the end, so I can’t say too much, but there is a really good reason throughout the thing that this is a Five Times type fic and it works! It works so well and while we spend the fic ‘with’ Kylo, when we find out what Hux’s deal is, it is so satisfying! I Paint My Dreams

Marlon

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685907/chapters/65090566

Words: 26,122

Rating: General Audiences

Summary:Kylo Ren is struggling to make a name for himself in the art world but as the grandson of the great Anakin Skywalker, a legendary pop artist of the 1950s and 60s, the weight of his famous family and his own expectations is a lot to bear.After he’s rejected from a prestigious exhibition because his installations “don’t fit the theme”, Kylo heads to the pub to drink away his disappointment. Later that night as he stumbles home, he’s set upon by some would-be thieves but before they can take what’s left of his money, he’s saved by a strange man with unbelievable Medusa-like powers. The ethereally beautiful man, Armitage Hux, is a visitor from Oweynagat and he has a simple proposition for Kylo - room and board in exchange for making all Kylo’s artistic dreams come true.Sounds easy - what could possibly go wrong?

My thoughts on the rec: Oh goodness, where to start? The Irish Mythology and Fae aspect of this fic is superbly woven throughout the whole thing and the author makes it work really well! Like, this is such a unique and original take on the kylux pair, I love them, especially Fae!Hux in this! And the plot is solid and you get invested really heavily in how they are gonna wind up-at least I did! There��s some beautiful language in this-descriptions and dialogue! And I have a soft spot for Artist!Kylo!

Dating a Monster

mysticmilks

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26703904/chapters/65139415

Words: 30,401

Rating: Explicit

Summary:Ben Solo was raised to be a demon hunter, as everyone in his family has been before him. He wanted nothing more than to prove that he was worthy to his family. He lied to them and went on an unauthorized mission to catch and kill an elusive incubus. His search led him to Arkanis University, one of the most prestigious schools in the country.He was sure the mission was going to be easy, before he met the cute freshman Armitage Hux. This meeting would change the fate of both of them.

My thoughts on the rec: Add another really good one to the slightly-creepy-kylux subgenre filled with demons and dark powers! This is a great depiction of Kylo as a very determined demon hunter and Hux as a very unique quarry! I love the tension in parts of this too-well crafted! The Green Ribbon

xzombiexkittenx, Lilander (art)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630845/chapters/70176921

Words: 39,679

Rating: Explicit

Summary:When Ben was fifteen he left the Jedi temple and took extreme measures to prevent the shadowy creature that infiltrated his thoughts from dragging him to the dark side. What he did left him with a great deal of chronic pain and removed his most valuable weapon, but Ben got his stubbornness from every side of the family, even the adopted ones, and he was determined to find and kill the creature.Now Senator Amidala of Naboo, Ben uses his position to make the galaxy a less awful place when he can, but being senator also gave him very useful contacts in his search for the creature. When he met Major Hux of the First Order, Ben thought he could get game-changing information out of him, one way or another, but things rarely go Ben's way and it got complicated much faster than Ben had prepared for. It's never a good idea to mix sex and politics, but Ben takes his fun where he can get it.

My thoughts on the rec: I feel like this is a very original take on ‘Senator Amidala’ Ben, at least from the stuff I’ve read-many props to the author for such a fleshed out universe, filled with likeable, believable OCs, a wonderful plot, great character motivations and voices, and a take on our main man Ben that pulled me in from the get-go! He’s sorta magnetic (in universe and to the reader)! And the sexual tension and sexy bits are very well done! I’m rooting for Ben and Hux in this, on opposites sides though they may be! Comfort Zone

LydiaBSlade

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26783797/chapters/65338117

Words: 66,766

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Hux is running away. He meets a tall, dark, and somewhat annoying stranger at the airport.

My thoughts on the rec: Travel writing at its best; also kylux fic at it’s best! Young, modern them trying to find their places in the world and finding each other in the process is so cute and almost tenderly done in this! This is a gentle, friendly version of modern Kylo that I fell in love with, right along with Hux! And by the way, I’m not kidding when I say travel writing-the southeast asian setting is vivid and enchanting in it’s rich detail! Outnumbered, Outgunned, Outmanuevered, and Winning

Coriesocks, Ellalba (art)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28217253/chapters/69144672

Words: 80,372

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Hux’s plans for ridding the First Order of Kylo Ren are ruined when Ren discovers his deception. With no choice but to flee, Hux ends up in the hands of the Resistance. It’s not ideal, but at least he gets a break from Ren. Until he doesn’t.When Ren starts appearing in Hux’s dreams, Hux wonders if the stress of being a spy has taken more of a toll on his sanity than he’d previously thought. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he has to deal with constant pestering from Poe and a mildly inconvenient kidnapping. Of course, it’s Ren who saves him in the end. There’s clearly no getting away from him.

My thoughts on the rec: A really interesting take on something that is both a alternate rewrite of what could have happened instead of TROS and a TROS-fix-it of sorts! Hux is stellar in this, we really get a good look in his head and Coriesocks handles it masterfully! I really liked how their relationship develops gradually in this, it’s Enemies To Lovers at its best! Bloodlines and Brandy

EmperorsVornskr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22989934/chapters/54963601

Words: 130,785

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Sebastian Hux is a native of the Deep South who loathes his origins, and seeks to pull himself from the stifling quagmire, but his bloodlines call him back to the property that has blessed- and plagued- his family for centuries.Unspoken secrets fill his inheritance, skeletons fill every closet, and a monster lurks in the shadows, tied to two bloodlines joined by fate, greed and hatred that has spanned across generations.As Hux learns about his family’s tainted legacy that has now become his burden, he discovers there is more involved than just having to be the curator of property that the locals shun with hushed whispers, that he has inherited more than an estate- he also has a terrible and loathsome horror tied to his very blood.When curious young locals come calling, and Hux’s past tormentors come out of the woodwork to simper and scrabble for a piece of the newly rich, the body count begins to rise, the smell of blood in the old slaughterhouse is getting harder to hide, and Hux realises that he will need to find a better way to pacify the hulking shadow that perches on his roof every night before his hometown’s tiny population is completely decimated.

My thoughts on the rec: This one is EPIC! Like, in length (which it needs every word of for the story that is going on here) and in the great portrayal of Kylo and Hux and their relationship! It’s super original too-not just the plot but the depiction of Kylo as something ‘other’ and the Southern Gothic vibes, and Hux-this is a wonderful take on Hux! He loses none of his edge, in my opinion and yet the reader is ‘with’ him all the way through, rooting for him! The descriptions are killer too-EmperorsVornskr has a felicity of expression that kept me reading (albeit in more than one sitting). Also worth noting that this is a wonderful and carefully handled depiction of trans!Hux, in my admittedly cis opinion. The theme of finding your tribe/your people/and your special someone in this, albeit in sometimes unexpected places is warming! I enjoyed every moment of this fic! Gravity Well

kyluxtrashcompactor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062495/chapters/29879001

Words: 176,421

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Snoke is gone, but his death has solved nothing between Hux and Kylo Ren. The First Order's trust in their leaders wanes as they vie for power over one another, and if they cannot learn to work together, they may both lose everything they've worked for.Forging that alliance after years at each other's throats will not be as easy as letting the past die, however—they will face subterfuge, enemies in the shadows, treachery, and being stranded on a hostile planet with creatures out of nightmare, barely escaping constant danger with their lives while having only one another to rely on.And that is just the beginning.

My thoughts on the rec: I realize this one is very well known by now, but I’ll rec it again for good reason! It’s quality long-fic! I love how competent Hux is in this surival-style fic, even without the Force to save him! And Kylo is a badass! kyluxtrashcompactor is a master of the slow burn here and we’re even lucky enough to be getting a sequel (although Gravity Well will also stand perfectly on its own). The writing in this will draw you in and not let you go!

----

That’s all for now! I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did!  

[dani-ya-dig]

Malfunction

Shigaraki x Reader Soulmate AU 

A BNHA soulmate AU in which your quirk doesn’t work on your soulmate.  

Tw: Fighting, Mentions of dying, Choking, Kidnapping (if you would like me to add anymore, please let me know!) 

Hey! This is one of my first times writing a fanfiction, so I will appreciate any form of interaction with this post! Especially any constructive criticism or tips on how to improve my writing! Thank you and I hope you enjoy! 

The battle had been grueling, and your body had been growing weak. You could feel the energy draining from your body every time you had used your quirk. Despite this, you had still fought with all of your might. 

Blue flames shot in your direction, and you quickly ducked into a nearby alleyway to avoid the blaze. As you dodged the flames, your foot slipped beneath you and you tumbled to the ground. You let out a shaky breath as you try to lift yourself up with weak, trembling arms. 

Once you get yourself standing and steady, you turn around to run back into the fight, before you see someone standing in front of you. Before you have time to even asses the situation, the person kicks you hard, their foot pushing into your chest. You fall back once more, hissing in pain as your head hits the hard concrete beneath you. You try to stand up once more but the person kneels down both knees at either side of your chest, pinning you to the ground. 

You look up to see a man with greyish blue hair and crimson eyes looking down at you, shooting you a menacing glare. Tomura Shigaraki, the leader of the league of villains, had you pinned down to the cold ground. He had taken the hand he previously worn on his face, so you could get a view of his face, and his chapped, scarred skin.  

You attempt to lunge forward and swing your arm at him, attempting to land a blow to his jaw. He grabs both of your wrists with one hand and puts his other on your neck and slams you back into the ground. The thrum of pain in the back of your skull returns once more. You let out a groan, and Shigaraki clicks his tongue at you. “Pathetic- Absolutely pathetic.” he says in his raspy voice, as he curled his lip in disgust. 

You struggle beneath him as he holds you by the throat with his pinky standing straight out not touching you with his other hand pinning your hands above your head to stop you from trying anything. “Really, you call yourself a hero, yet you can’t even muster the strength to fight back, honestly” he says in a disgusted tone. You send him an icy stare as you attempt to struggle away from his grasp once more.

 “Disappointing- truly. It’s not like it will matter much anyway, because the second I put this last finger down then-” Shigaraki speaks in a monotone, uninterested tone before leaning in close to your ear. “It’s game over for you, little hero,” he whispers to you before letting out a small breathy chuckle and raising back up. 

“You don’t have to do this! It’s not too late to turn things around! Revenge, power, whatever your after isn’t worth all of this destruction” you assumed your words wouldn’t sink in. Every villain you as ever met was stubborn, Shigaraki would not be the exception. Even if your words didn’t sink in now, or even in the future, the least they could do was maybe buy you sometime, to figure out a way. Maybe if you were lucky, Shigaraki would let down his guard, and you could overpower him. 

Shigaraki said nothing at first. He just looked down at you with a small smile. The smile progressively got wider and wider. You furrowed your eyebrows. Why is he smiling? He threw his head back and laughed loudly. “You hero’s really think so highly of yourselves, don’t you” he said, the grin still plastered on his face. 

“You just think you know everything about everything don’t you?” he says his eyes, his pupils constricting with each word he uttered. “You think you understand, me. You think you understand why I am doing this” his grip on your throat tightens. Although he is not choking you, you fear if provoked anymore, he might lower his pinky.

 Before you could say anything to calm him, he spoke once more, “Well you see little hero, I am only doing this for one reason.” He said before taking a pause in what he said. “I want to see society crumble at my feet”.

 “I want to see when people realize they don’t have their precious saviors to rely on anymore. I want to see that fear in people’s eyes” He says in a raspy whisper. “I’ll get there taking you all down hero by hero” you brace yourself as you know what is coming next. 

You close your eyes tightly and your breath halts as Shigaraki begins to lower his pinky finger down. “Goodbye hero” he whispered before his pinky had finally touched your neck. 

…

…

…

You were still conscious? 

You slowly open your eyes to see confused red orbs staring back at you. “What?” Shigaraki said, obviously confused. He lifted his pinky and put it back down. He kept repeating this action as he furrowed his eyebrows. “Uh, I don’t think it’s working,” you decide to speak up only to use an unamused tone, since Shigaraki appeared as though he was going to give up on retrying to kill you. 

“Shut up!” Shigaraki snapped back, not budging from his place above you. “You must have some kind of power erasing quirk I don’t know of!” he said. His hand that was previously wrapped around your throat now moves up to his neck as he scratches at the scarred skin vigorously. “I don’t ha--” you spoke but go silent abruptly, as the realization finally hits you. “Well, if you don’t, then why the hell won’t my quirk work on-” 

“You’re my soulmate!” You exclaim, cutting Shigaraki off, Your statement had sounded more like a question than intended, but you couldn’t help but be a little shocked. “What? The hell are you talking about?” he says, his nose scrunching up in confusion. “Did no one ever tell you about soulmates?” in response to your question, Shigaraki just stared blankly at you. 

You’ll take that as a no. 

“Your quirk doesn’t work on your soulmate,” you explain to the villain quietly, still having a hard time processing the situation yourself. Shigaraki’s cheeks turn a dark shade of red and his eyes go wide. “You — you’re lying to me!” he says defensively. You didn’t even realise it, but you were smiling just a little. You didn’t think the leader of the League of Villains would get so flustered over this. “I’m not-” You defend yourself but you are cut off by Shigaraki once more. “Well, if my quirk won’t work” he mumbles quietly. “I’ll just have to kill you with my bare hands!” 

Before you even have time to react, both of the villain’s hands were wrapped around your neck and choking you. With your hands now free, you grab at his arms trying to get the upper hand. You push at him and scratch up his arms, in a desperate attempt to get free. Your attempts prove useless as your vision blurs and your limbs turn weak. You finally give in as you feel yourself slip into unconsciousness. 

When you awake, you find yourself in a dimly lit, stuffy room. You are bound to a metal chair by a thick coarse rope. You struggle, trying to break free of the ropes, but you halt once you hear a voice bouncing off the walls of the empty room. 

“Looks like you’re finally awake” You look up only to meet Shigaraki’s crimson eyes once more. “We are going to have a lot of fun together, my little soulmate” he says, looking down at you with an eerie grin. 

“Shit”

______________________________________________________________

(Shigaraki totally didn’t ask someone on the way back to base what a soulmate was ;) ) 

Thank you for reading this short little fic that I wrote! Again, this is my first time writing something like this and posting it. I know there is a lot of room for improvement lol. 

If anyone has any constructive criticism, please, I would love to hear it! I really want to improve my writing in any way that I can! 

[windblooms]

topaz devices | ch. 01

if zhongli isn’t a the brightest individual blessed by the archons, then he’s socially inept, and spends his days stuck behind a desk as the heir of wangsheng incorporated.  frustrated by seeing his best friend burn through his days like paper over a bonfire, childe decides that if there’s one thing worse than a permeant desk job, it’s being converted into a corporate machine in one’s mid-twenties.  and he’s not going to let that happen to zhongli. 

gender-neutral reader x sugar daddy!zhongli.  modern au, slow burn.  chapter 1/?.  2213 words.

as usual, zhongli awakens a minute before his morning alarm goes off.  

and as he lays on the daybed, adjusting to the faint lighting of the moon that floats through the floor-to-ceiling windows of his office, the first thing he does is reach for his phone.  but when he pats down the area beside him, then above his head, and feels nothing, he begrudgingly props himself up on his elbows, and blinks the final bits of sleep out of his eyes.

this isn’t the first time he’s fallen asleep at the office.  admittedly, it’s probably over his hundredth, since he’s found it more practical to crash near his workspace than drag himself three floors up to his room.  but, oh, where did he leave his phone?  zhongli glances around, eyes no longer bleary; it’s not on the coffee table next to him, nor on the floor between it and the daybed, and for a split second he believes he left his phone at the tea station across the hall. 

and then it chimes with his alarm on the marble floor just before his work desk.

“ah,” he sighs to himself, voice still somewhat choked from the morning.  as the tone plays, he runs both of his hands through his hair, pulling back his bangs before letting them fall to the sides of his face, and takes a glance around his office: he vaguely remembers staying up until four in the morning to finish scanning over a forwarded contract, and the three empty cups of caffeinated tea that surround his desktop computer can attest to his commitment; there are reference binders on his desk that zhongli hadn’t put away after using, likely too engrossed in the project to tidy up as he worked, and the most damning evidence of his corporate devotion is easily the fact that, well – 

“conference in one hour,” his phone alarm is interrupted by the sound of its virtual assistant voice.  “conference with,” it continues in robotic fashion, “mrs. ningguang at seven-thirty-a.m.”

– he had scheduled an impromptu meeting after he finished reading said document.  as in, he intended to follow through with a meeting arrangement on less than four hours of sleep.  as in, arranged a meeting when it was three in the morning.  

as in, he also expected others to attend the conference on a four hour’s notice.  

such is the way of wangsheng incorporated, an institution where everyone involved is asked to sell their soul to the matriarch, all for the prosperity of her company.  the matriarch in this case being, of course, zhongli’s mother.

 “conference with,” his virtual assistant repeats, and zhongli hauls himself up from the daybed and onto his feet, padding over to his phone before swiping over the screen to silence all of his notifications. “mrs. ninggua – ” beep.

he inhales, stretches his arms, and then gazes out to the liyuen skyline. 

the horizon is still dark, with only hints of warmth leaking onto the expansive blanket of night.  below, however, the streets are illuminated by commuting vehicles and establishments opening for the day.  from his place on the higher floors of the company building, zhongli can only imagine the hum of life – he’s much too far up to actually hear anything.  

it’s at this moment he realizes that the last time he’s actually stepped foot out of the building was over a week ago – and a grimace becomes his first expression of the day.  archons, he didn’t think he was that busy, but begins mentally count the days regardless.  yeah, 9 days.  zhongli’s frown deepens; knowing himself, it’s probably also been 9 days since he’s left his floor on the building.

as much as he would like to leave, though, the company is more important to him.  until there’s a convenient time for him to take a break, he’ll keep working.  it’s what he’s always done – it’s what he’s good at.  

so he inhales once more, as the skyline is washed with violet.  exhales.  

the clock reads six thirty-three. 

. . . 

it’s around four in the morning when childe decides that zhongli is officially insane.

who the fuck arranges a meeting in the dead middle of the night?  granted, he’s only zhongli’s secretary, so it’s not like he has to take part in it – the gripe here is that he’s the one who manages zhongli’s entire schedule.  so when zhongli goes out on his own, arranging things without telling him first, that’s when the issues start.  

childe receives the conference notice just as the other executives do (while on a comfortable date with his bed); reading zhongli’s attached note with gunk wedged in his eyes and a screen flashing blue light directly into his irises makes him think – 

there’s no way zhongli’s in the right state of mind.  and after three whole years of working with him, others would think that childe’s used to his mercurial behavior by now.  but he would give himself more credit, insisting that he’s not that deep into the corporate mentality to put business before rationale – but maybe it’s the luxury that comes along with being a secretary and not anyone more important.

now, where was he?  oh, yeah.  plotting exactly which words to tell his boss when it’s an acceptable time in the morning.  

that means grumbling obscenities until he falls back asleep, brain power exhausted.  that means waking up at an appropriate time (read: six), rolling out of bed, then heading to the tea bar, and concluding that, well, this is just how zhongli operates.

as in, he can’t be angry at his best friend for long.

ceramic cup in hand and bedhead as thick as a haystack, childe recalls two things that were previously clouded by his indignance: one, that the business life is all zhongli’s ever known, even when he was a kid (that much was made obvious when he couldn’t even list out how many hobbies he had the first time they met).  two, the fact that, when asked, zhongli didn’t know which would be worse between losing stock investments or entire contact with the outside world. 

sheltered is probably the closest word childe can think of, but zhongli isn’t stupid either.  maybe socially inept is the better way to describe him – not like it cripples his personality entirely though.  he’s got some redeeming qualities – childe tells himself to think positively of zhongli for the entirety of his stroll down the hall towards his office – but stops short once he opens the door and realizes that, well, 

“three,” childe mouths incredulously, nearly dropping the ceramic in his hand.  “three cups of tea from last night alone?”

“good morning to you too.”

childe doesn’t have much time to gawk.  he would drag his face down with his fingers if his hands weren’t occupied, but knowing zhongli, he wouldn’t even make note of his dramatics.  absorbed into his work first thing in the morning – and childe, looking down at himself, isn’t even dressed properly.  just a dress shirt and pants, while zhongli has already decked himself out in a full-piece suit.

that’s what happens when zhongli decides that his office is where he’s going to live.

“you know,” childe starts, sighing for good measure.  the ginger makes his way over to zhongli’s desk, replacing the three cups with one of fresh tea.  glaze lily tea, to zhongli’s preference.  “staying up late isn’t good for your health.  especially when you’re high on caffeine six days a week.”

well, duh.  the words come out dumber than he intended, but it gets the point across.  it’s not childe’s job to sound intelligent, only that he knows how to manage someone else’s schedule.  

it takes a few seconds for zhongli to respond, as his fingers are busy typing away at the keyboard.  drafting another email, most likely.  in that time, childe hooks his fingers through the handles of the three cups zhongli had downed the previous night, preparing to carry them out.  “i do what i need to get things done,” the workaholic counters.  his eyes don’t leave the monitor for a second, and childe has half the mind to think that he’s a robot.  “we’ve talked about this before.”

zhongli’s not wrong, but childe’s face sours nonetheless.  “i can’t have the heir of the company sabotaged by his own toxic work ethic, and insist that you take a nap whenever possible, my liege.”

his dramatics doesn’t earn him any points.  he worries briefly that zhongli’s already gone into his own world, only able to be hauled back to the surface once the sun is far gone, and his eyebrows furrow.  but now bent on getting a constructive response from zhongli, he refuses to budge from his spot across the desk.  

almost as if he’s uncomfortable, zhongli looks up.  childe knows he’s not actually peeved, and that the brunette is just thinking of what to say.  three years of working for him taught him as much.  “if i have time to, then i will.”  the young heir averts his eyes towards the screen before meeting childe’s again.  “thanks for your concern.”

if childe were any other person, he would believe zhongli.  zhongli speaks without a falter in his voice – as if it weren’t already as smooth as velvet – and his eyes are resolute when locked onto his.  but he’s not someone else, and the closest individual to a friend that zhongli has.  it would be a disservice, both as a friend and coworker, to leave zhongli to his devices.  so childe doesn’t relent.  it’s his turn to be stubborn and set in his ways. 

he places the cups back onto the desk, and the other man looks up curiously, just in time to see childe’s eyes narrow.  “i mean it, zhongs.”

and, with just as much performative sincerity as before, zhongli says the same thing he always does, with a straight face and empty eyes.  “i do, too.”

“no, you don’t.”  childe’s scowl is as deep as his concern.  he wasn’t joking earlier when he said that zhongli would be murdered by his own obsession with work – “responsibility,” as the younger of the two would insist, but he’s blind to his own persistence, and time has made that blatantly obvious.  “i know you have a meeting soon, so i won’t stay long.  i don’t care if we’ve talked about this before,” he rushes his words, determined to get them in before zhongli quips, “it doesn’t make it any less important.”

a pause.  zhongli’s typing has halted and is instead replaced by silence.  hell, he even folds his fingers together on top of the keyboard, as if telling childe that he finally has his full attention.  but the void in his eyes hasn’t changed: amber, clouded with vermillion, and burning in coals.

childe assesses him sternly, extending the stillness of the moment, before proceeding.  “i’m going to block out your schedule tonight after eight, and we’re going to have a talk.”

zhongli tries not to look fazed.  to his credit, he really, really tries, but his posture bristles just enough to cue the secretary in on his client’s displeasure.  “no, i’m not going to watch over you for the rest of the night to make sure you sleep,” he reassures just as swiftly, half-teasing and half-serious, “but we are going to make some plans.”

both of childe’s hands are flat on the desk as the two of them regard each other.  although zhongli is the taller of the two, his position in the office chair gives childe the height advantage in the current situation.  “after you get enough rest this week, i’m going to get you out of this building,” childe vows to zhongli.  neither of them blink.  “you’re going to walk on the streets and breathe fresh air.  you’re going to spend time with people your age and eat at a restaurant.  you’re going to have fun.” 

it is at that moment, when zhongli’s face falters as if he’s being spoken to in python when his input is java, that childe realizes that he has no strategy, and that he’s just saying the things that he wants for zhongli: he refuses to believe that zhongli will continue to regard this room, conditioned with with frigid air and tailored to each tile on the floor, is his only future, and instead wants his 25 year-old boss to have some semblance of life in his days instead of bleeding through each, only to tear through the next.

childe had the choice to dream towards the life he currently lives.  on the other hand, zhongli never did.  inheriting a multi-million dollar company, especially being the son of the ceo, outwardly sounds like the opportunity only the archons could bestow.  childe would have thought the same too.  

until he realized that predestination sucks, and that zhongli is too good to wither his youth away behind a desk.  

childe has exactly thirteen hours to come up with a plan.  from the thoughts floating in his head, it can turn out in one of two ways:

one: zhongli is integrated back into society and lives a happier, more animated life than what he currently has. 

two: childe loses his job.

[tl-notes]

Kobayashi’s Maid Dragon S2 Episode 3 Notes

Sparrows! Specifically the Eurasian tree sparrow, known in Japan as the suzume. You can just about see them all over Japan, all year long—but that doesn’t mean they aren’t a season word!

Depending on their depiction, they can be used as a season word for most times of the year, but a major one is “late spring,” as that’s when they’re out and about finding food for their baby birds. You can also see in the art they look a little floofy, indicative of the winter coat they haven’t fully shed yet; suzume in summer have a more sleek look. Here’s a shot of them from late summer last season:

And from closer to winter here↓. Quite fluffy.

As a quick refresher, 季語 kigo, or season words, are words/phrases/concepts used to give a sense of season to a haiku (or other poem/work of art), which is what part of what differentiates them from a senryuu. They were used pretty frequently in a lot of episodes last season, but a bit less so this time so far.

Where Lucoa and Ilulu are talking about a “right” here, the Japanese word is 資格 shikaku. While this usage is similar to “right” in English, the connotation is a little different as the word actually means more “qualification.” 

Whereas a “right” is generally something you have innately in some sense (e.g. if you make art you automatically have copyright over it, you have human rights just for being human, etc.), a shikaku is something you earn (e.g. if you study and take a test for certification program and pass, you’re rewarded with a shikaku.)

Ilulu’s response to the question here is 

そういうのは違う。小林がくれたあの言葉はなかったことにはできないから。

One way in which this differs from the English is that she’s not saying it would be right or wrong, but rather not the solution she’s looking for—because it would also mean undoing the words Kobayashi gave her, and that is something she doesn’t want to do, no matter what.

In contrast the English feels more like she thinks it would be wrong to do that, and even if she did it wouldn’t let her escape what Kobayashi said to her. (That would make more sense if Kobayashi had called her out on being evil, but that’s not really what went down.) An alternative wording might be something like:

“That wouldn’t solve anything. Besides, I don’t want to erase what Kobayashi gave me.”

This line is: 小林さんのようにはいかないなー

This is perhaps just my interpretation, but the English here sounds like Lucoa once convinced/helped Kobayashi in some fashion previously, is trying it again with Ilulu, but failing this time. (I don’t that’s ever happened though.)

In contrast, I think the Japanese is saying that Lucoa is trying to be like Kobayashi (e.g. when helping alleviate/solve Tohru’s various worries), and it’s not really working for her. I.e. “It’s not working like when Miss Kobayashi does it.” 

Ilulu’s line about “I don’t want to ask Kobayashi about it because she’d probably solve it too easily" seems to support that reading; the dragons know Kobayashi as worries-solver.

The English here has Lucoa saying she’ll go talk to Kanna/Saikawa, and casually telling Ilulu to wait in the bathroom. But Lucoa doesn’t actually talk to the kids, and even if she was planning to, why would Ilulu waiting in the toilet do anything?

The answer is that Lucoa is actually telling Ilulu to talk (to an unspecified subject, assumed to be Saikawa, since she’s a human and thus someone Ilulu feels guilty about interacting with; Kanna she’s more fine with, as a dragon). And instead of “Go ahead and wait in the bathroom,” it’s more of a “Go wait in the bathroom and see what happens,” with the implication Lucoa is going to set something up. 

And she does!

“I won’t lie about X, but Y is a different story.” This seems to imply she will still lie about Y? That seems a bit odd to me, especially when she just lied about X (those feelings) to Kanna/Saikawa minutes ago. 

The Japanese says something a bit different though.

The core of the middle line here is 気持ちに嘘をつかない kimochi ni uso wo tsukanai. Because the に, the particle indicating “direction,” is attached unadorned to "feelings,” it is saying not “lying about X” but “lying to X.” This construction, to say one is lying to a feeling, is fairly common in Japanese media. It’s basically equivalent in English to lying to yourself about those feelings.

(for “lying about X” you’d change the に into a について or similar)

So basically she’s saying she won’t pretend, to herself at least, that she doesn’t want to play. But that’s a separate issue to whether she has, as she said before, the “right” to play after what she did. 

You could maybe put it sort of like this:

“I won’t lie to myself about my feelings anymore. But that doesn’t mean I can act on them after what I did.”

I feel extremely silly even pointing this out, but the beam here is 尿意 nyoui, which is the urge to pee, not necessarily actually needing to pee. Hence why she seems to stop needing to as soon as she gets to the bathroom and walks straight back to the living room with Ilulu after they talk.

“Be deceived” here is not 騙される damasareru, lit. “be deceived,” but 騙し討ちにあう damashi-uchi ni au, which is like being hit by a sneak attack, being stabbed in the back, etc. In a fairly literal sense in this case too, as they’re talking about actual combat.

I mostly bring it up because it feels like there is not much difference between “being deceived” and “being tricked,” despite those being portrayed as polar opposites (deceived by hostile dragons, tricked by kind Kobayashi), so it might have been wise to differentiate them more in the translation.

E.g. perhaps “She had to change to avoid a knife in the back.” (though dragons don’t use knives, so maybe a claw?)

Another pretty minor point, but the “doesn’t know right from wrong” is 分別のない funbetsu no nai, where funbetsu means not so much “knowing right from wrong,” but a more encompassing sense of discretion and maturity.

I mostly bring this one up because it struck as me awkward to say Ilulu explicitly shouldn’t know right from wrong, since that would be going backward to her be okay destroying the city again. Instead it’s more that she shouldn’t need to feel weighed down by what’s “correct” or what she “should” do. One possible alt example:

“So go back to being a kid, and worry more about what you want to do than ought to do.”

(Lucoa also changes from a narrative tone to a more conversational tone at the end, in conjunction with the visual shift away from the flashback, so swapping the “she” to “you” might be appropriate.)

Note how Kanna shuffles the cards here. Depending on where you’re from, this may seem like an odd way of doing it (unless you watched Yugioh maybe). A lot of places with majority English speakers tend to use the overhand shuffle or riffle shuffle, but in Japan (and many other Asian countries) the most common shuffle is the one on display here, known as the Hindu shuffle. 

~The More You Know~

The act of handing over a piece of candy like this has been used as imagery in other places in the show as well, though I’ll leave thinking about what it represents to you.

“Blanket” is futon, which is used to refer to both the “mattress” part and “blanket” part of a full futon, the traditional Japanese bedding (not the same thing as the sofa/couch mattress you might hear called a futon in some places).

I mostly mention because just “a blanket” kind of sounds like they’re going to leave them on the floor, but they’re actually going to get the equivalent of a guest mattress (+blanket) to put them to sleep in, as it’s late enough for this to turn into a sleepover.

Just as a bit of trivia, the word she uses for “onlooker” here is the same term as the “spectator faction.” In the manga Tohru interjects with “Aww, come on, why not Chaos faction instead?” 

Also as a side note to this whole bit about Kobayashi wearing a maid outfit; recall this scene from early in season one, where Tohru found an outfit Kobayashi had bought and stuffed deep in a closet:

Relevant! Anyway, back to the actual episode now:

If you felt like this exchange felt a little disjointed, especially given Tohru’s tone of voice: the idea is that Lucoa is saying Tohru really goes to extremes when it comes to matters relating to Kobayashi, which is implying that it seems excessive to call so many people over for a relatively mild issue (not that she necessarily minds though). Tohru’s response is a slightly defensive “yeah I know, but thanks for coming over anyway.” 

(They’re saying it in ways such that you have to read between the lines a bit though, so it may not come across as easily in a translation.)

The word for “cold” here is 水くさい mizu-kusai, basically meaning “watered down” (like beer etc.), and used frequently to refer to a person/actions/words that the speaker considers too reserved for the relationship they have with the other person.

So it’s similar to cold, but cold in the context of already warm relationship. If talking about a stranger or someone you don’t get along with normally, you shouldn’t use 水くさい; you can just say 冷たい tsumetai (lit. “cold”) or similar.

In this context you could probably have her say “No need to apologize, Kobayashi-san.”

Also I like how they swap around the honorifics (Miss, Lady, -san, -sama, etc.) based on the speaker (I think differentiating between dragons and native-Japanese-speaking humans?). I would say it works given the setting, but that’s just me.

The text there says “Money Street.” It’s probably obvious, but it’s based primarily on Monopoly, which is semi-popular in Japan (though not to the extent as say in the US). 

Just some trivia, but the “sales pitch” for the game in the Japanese market is more that it’s an educational game that teaches investing and negotiation skills. (The origin of the game in general being an educational tool about exploitation of tenants by landlords, so not quite the same thing.)

Japan also has Momotarou Dentetsu (”Momotetsu”), which is a video game series that’s been around since the NES and is broadly similar to Monopoly rules-wise.

I just want to point out, amid all the riches, the bag of potato chips and other junk food in the back there.

Mini-trivia: the cardboard boxes in the background there seem to be a mix of the Amazon logo and the Seino Transportation logo, a Japanese shipping company with a kangaroo logo.

You probably noticed it without me pointing it out, but I enjoyed the fact Elma got corn starch* all around her mouth from the daifuku and then immediately got told to go play with the kids while the adults are talking.

*It may seem like powdered sugar if you’re used to donut holes, but daifuku, like most Japanese sweets (wagashi) generally, is not heavily sugared and not even particularly sweet by the standard of most “sweets” (which is part of the appeal for many). The skin of the daifuku is powdered with corn starch or similar simply to make it less sticky.

Kobayashi’s “do that” here is やろー yarou, which can mean “let’s do X” (which is a construction often used to tell/suggest someone to do something, without really including yourself in the “us”). 

However in this case—especially given Kobayashi’s pronunciation and tone of voice—I think it’s actually a homophone of that, a form of 野郎 yarou, a word for “guy” with often negative connotations, like saying “son of a” or “asshole” etc. 

The idea, I think, being that his immediate agreement of “Oooh, right I didn’t think about you wearing it,” comes with a heavy implication of “yeah you’re right, you couldn’t pull off something cute like that,” so she’s replying with a (mostly good-natured) “oh you fucker.”

This giant 完 kan means “the end,” used like “fin” at the end of a story or game etc. It’s also frequently used in “fake end” jokes. E.g. a show about a sentient zombie might start with the main character getting hit by a truck and dying immediately. The end! ...Except not, and they wake up as a zombie.

So here, the original goal was “make a maid outfit for Kobayashi to wear.” Then Georgie convinces Kobayashi that anything is a maid outfit as long as you are a maid at heart, so really, she’s already wearing one! The end! ...Except not.

Here’s some extra, probably needless, context on this “annoying”: it uses the word 面倒くさい mendokusai, which is basically used to describe something as annoying, a pain, etc. When used to describe a person like this, one of the ways it can be taken is specifically that the person is really fussy about details that others wouldn’t really care about—which describes Kobayashi about maids pretty well. 

So just for clarity, it’s not necessarily “I became an annoying person who is a maid otaku,” and can be more of a “within the context of my maid otaku-ness I became annoying.” Just to kind of shed some light on the extent of her self-deprecation here.

The word Kobayashi uses for “helping with the housework” is 家事手伝い kaji-tetsudai, which is a noun* that means “a housework helper”... here, basically a more bland way for a native Japanese speaker to say maid. 

Hence why Tohru reacts with “Oh, don’t call me that, call me a maid!”; Kobayashi went as far as to acknowledge her clothes as a maid outfit, but not quite as far as calling her maid outright. That’s our “annoying maid otaku” doing her thing. 

*It can also be verbed.

These neighborhood notices, 回覧板 kairan-ban, ~lit. circular notice, are a method used by local governing organizations to distribute information or forms etc. For example, about an upcoming neighborhood event to pick up litter.

The general idea is that one person gets the notice, reads it, signs it, then goes and passes it to the next household in line. It saves paper versus sending everyone a thing in the mail, encourages interaction between neighbors, and is more likely to be read than a flyer/email, though some people consider them a pain and they generally feel a little dated.

The phrase for “piercing noise” is  劈く金切り音, tsunzaku kanakiri-on, ~lit. “ear-piercing sound of tearing metal.”* 

“Was it that loud?” in the Japanese is a little different, そんな音してた?, meaning “was it making a sound like that?” 

I’m mostly just bringing it up to say that the “Sasakibe’s cooking isn’t just loud, the sounds don’t even make sense” gag is alive and well this season.

*The “sound of tearing metal” phrase can also used idiomatically for some types of high pitched sounds, but I imagine it was chosen very deliberately here.

It’s probably obvious, but this is a reference to the music video of the OP for season one. You can see it on the official channel for the band, fhána, here.

The season two music video is here, and it seems to have decent English subtitles for the lyrics if you’re curious what they are.

The adjective here is ニヒル nihiru, an abbreviation of nihilistic. It can be used as actually “nihilistic” like in English, but it can also be used more colloquially to describe a person with dark vibes. It can almost be a compliment!

“Sleeping” here is 惰眠をむさぼる damin wo musaboru. Damin is not just sleep, but “worthless” sleep—not like a nap because you’re tired. Musaboru is a verb for ~gorging upon on something (often metaphorically, not just food).

The two words are somewhat frequently used together for, basically, lying around the house doing nothing all day. And not in a particularly flattering way, so it’s pretty funny for her to just be like “yeah I do that as a hobby I guess.” 

It doesn’t mean the same thing, but it’d be like saying your hobby is loitering. Maybe could have translated as like “Hobbies? Vegetating.” or “Procrastinating?” or something, though I don’t know if those would have the right impact...

Kanna’s word for “idol” here is アイドル aidoru, i.e. idol in the pop culture sense.

Tohru’s word is 偶像 guuzou, or idol in the religious sense.

(Tohru swaps to the pop culture “idol” when she starts talking about Kobayashi though.)

Kanna’s “lost it” it here is 大変 taihen, a pretty common, almost generic word used as an intensifier (greatly, immensely, seriously, terribly, really, etc.) in both positive and negative ways. E.g. “thanks, you really saved me!” or “that was extremely rude.”

When used alone, like here, it usually implies something bad has happened, like something has befallen Tohru and/or she’s in some sort of trouble. Hence why Kobayashi immediately rushes home worried and bursts through the door like this—and loses her tension when she sees Tohru is fine, just... extreme(ly annoying to Kanna and Ilulu).

You could maybe say e.g. “Something’s wrong with Tohru!” to keep that double meaning open.

(”Lost it!” also makes sense for Kobayashi to be worried about, but the type of worry is somewhat different in that case; “oh god what is she going to do” vs. “oh god what happened to her.”)

The “lick” here is べろ bero, an onomatopoeia for licking that’s also used as slang for "tongue” (noun).

A bero chuu, as in the chorus here, is slang for a French kiss/deep kiss/tongue kiss.

~The More You Know~

The text here says “If your total assets are above one billion, proceed towards goal.” 

Only billionaires can win...

Here is 私のものはカンナのもの, lit. “What’s mine is Kanna’s!”

This line is a reference to a catchphrase of the bully/antagonist in Doraemon, Gian: “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.” 

His line, and character, is so well known it’s spawned the term “Gianism” to represent that sort of self-centered philosophy: everything is rightfully mine to take, even if you think you lay some claim over it.

It’s interesting that the inversion of Gianism, i.e. “what’s mine is yours,” is the only way Kanna and Saikawa are able to overcome the rules, beat the billionaire, and win the game.

Solidarity forever.

[vodkaxtonic]

Hello there! If it tickles your fancy, could you write a Zuko x reader one shot?? Like a college au thing and they’re doing a group project together haha

Journey Of Love •Zuko x Reader•

This took really long and I put a lot of effort into it! Feedback is appreciated! And, I kinda went off the request but still tried to keep the main thing of the request, I hope that's okay!

Warnings: fluff, slow burn, humor, cussing

Wordcount: 9.5K

The first week in the Ba sing se University should be calm, merely to get used to the school, gather all your supplies, wander around the University, to make sure you won't get lost on the real first day, and decorate your dorm room. Or so you thought. 

The first thing that went completely wrong were the people that should've brought your stuff from home to the University, to make your room more home-ish and make you feel welcome. They went to the wrong fucking University and left your furniture, decor, and paintings, etc. on their doorstep, which then got stolen. Which means you were in an empty dorm, only two beds, and two closets decorating your room, nothing to make you feel home. Your things, decor, etc. were homey to you, keeping you from being homesick, but now? Now you felt lost, basically half of your identity lost with the furniture, books, and clothes that got stolen. Now the only thing people would see was another firebender; you just wanted to be yourself in the time you were here. You had bought different clothes and shipped them with the other stuff, and now the only thing you had in your suitcase was traditional Fire Nation attire.

The second thing that ruined your week was your professor. Every other professor was going in small steps, slowly introducing their students into the subject they chose to study. But yours? Hell, no. Professor Huang jumped right into projects, even though you haven't learned anything yet. Maybe art wasn't such an appealing subject to study after all.

The last thing that completely ruined your week? You had to hand in a project in a week, an abstract piece of art that described love, with a whole essay as to why those exact things reminded you of love and how it changed your perspective. All of the material you were using had to be foundable around the city, whether in the local market or on a deserted field in the second ring of Ba sing se. But the absolute best thing was your partner that you got assigned with wasn't even in the lecture! You had to do everything on your own, and honestly, you were considering if jumping out of your third-floor dorm room window was more uncomplicated than the first week. 

Now you were scurrying through the hallways of your new University, just wanting to go to your room and fall into bed. You needed the nap after getting yelled at by your professor for saying that love was a social construct to make us less lonely, a social construct to make us feel like we are more than a tiny pawn in a big game of chess played by the universe. Well, your professor didn't like that at all, even though he had said the first day that he enjoyed a critical view of different perspectives of the world and emotions. Well, everything except love. 

You walked around the corner, your books dropping to the ground as you lifted your hands, blocking the flames that came your way out of instinct. "What the actual fuck?!" You yelled, now the last bit of calmness in your body disappeared, and you were on the verge of absolutely setting this place ablaze. "I thought you were my sister--" "I don't give a fuck! You could've seriously hurt someone! Who the fuck do you think you are?" You yelled, your heart still beating way too fast, you felt like you just bent with lightning. Your skin felt like it got ignited, your fingers shaking and sparking with tiny flames fire. "You don't know who I am?" He asked rather shocked as he stood up straight, his face filled by surprise. "Should I know you? Your mom and dad probably bought you your education, and you're just here because it's their dream for you, but you don't give a fuck, and they'll end up having to buy you your University degree too, you entitled stupid prat!" You decided to let your anger out on the stranger, your hands balled to fists, and between your fingers escaped black smoke, slowly dissolving in the air. The stranger looked taken aback as he watched you for a few seconds. "This right here was your biggest mistake, honey." "Fuck you." You spat back as you picked up your books, storming past him into your dorm room. "Well, that's a pleasant way to meet the people next door." You heard his faint voice in the hallway, and you could imagine the sly smirk on his face. You exhaled deeply through your nose, black smoke covering your vision for a second before you slammed the door shut, the ground vibrating at the force. A frustrated groan escaped your mouth as you walked towards your bed. "So, you met Zuko?" Your head snapped toward the girl that was sitting on the second bed in the room that was previously unoccupied, and only now, you saw that her whole wall decorated with circus posters. Another groan escaped your mouth as you dropped onto your bed, covering your head with a pillow. This week felt like a big stupid fucking joke. "I'm Ty Lee, by the way." The girl was nice, you figured. However, you were in a bad mood. "Y/n." You mumbled into your pillow, still loud enough for her to hear. "Do you need a hug?" She asked, a frown covering her mouth as she picked up on your bad mood. "I need quietness and a nap." You answered, your voice cold as you turned your back to her and pulled your duvet over you. You needed a break right now to make sure you wouldn't commit arson. Your patience was gone, and the first week of University was probably the worst one in history. 

The next day started worse than the days before. You slept in, now running down the hallways of the Uni with bed hair and the clothes you had slept in, a red satin top and red long satin pants. You didn't want to be late in your first week, what kind of impression would that leave, especially on Professor Huang. Your feet took you down the corridors, and finally, you found your lecture room, and you burst in, making everyone turn to you. "I am so sorry, Professor Huang, I--" "Go take a seat, Ms. Y/L/N." You nodded, your head bowed in shame as your eyes scanned the packed lecture room. The room was almost overflowing with students, leaving only a few seats free, the some that were free got blocked by the bags of the students. When you finally spotted an empty chair, you inhaled deeply, quickly making your way over. You were pretty sure your face was a deep shade of crimson red, the whole situation uncomfortable and embarrassing. Without looking further, you dropped your bag next to the table, sitting down in the chair in the very first row. "Hello again." Your whole body tensed at the voice beside you. "I'm glad you found the seat beside your project partner, Ms. Y/L/N." Professor Huang said, and your jaw almost kissed the ground. "Professor Huang, is there any way I can do the project on my own?" You pleaded as you looked at your Mr. Huang, hoping that batting your eyelashes would help. "I'm sorry, Ms. Y/L/N. I put you and prince Zuko in the same group for a reason. You both grew up in the Fire Nation, he grew up in royalty and you in poverty. I want to know the different perspectives on how you perceive love." Your teeth ground painfully against each other as you stared at your Mr. Huang. "A simple no would've been fine." You tried to stay as calm as you could, hoping to forget that he just told the whole lecture that you grew up in poverty and the fact that you insulted a prince. "Anyway, Ms. Y/L/N, we just talked about the projects. How is your and prince Zuko's coming together?" You gulped the lump in your throat down as you looked at Mr. Huang. "I started gathering some things for the project already, but I didn't start putting them on the canvas." He only nodded before continuing the lecture, not giving you a second glance. With a quiet whine, you let your head fall onto your books, and you could hear Zuko chuckle. This day wasn't going as good as you hoped it'd be. 

"Meet me at six in the library." You said to him without looking at him, putting away your books as you stood up. "Why not in your room or mine? I mean, our rooms are right next to each other." Zuko asked as he stood up. "Because I don't want you in my room, and I'm not going to your room." You answered, heaving your bag over your shoulders before walking out of the room, leaving Zuko on his own. 

PROJECT LOVE DAY 1/4

You sat in the library, your foot tapping against the wooden ground in rhythm as you read a book you had snatched from one of the shelves. You decided to be there a little earlier than planned, wanting to have some quiet time from your roommate before meeting Zuko. You liked Ty Lee, but the girl never knew when to stop talking, and if you went to the library already annoyed, you knew this wouldn't end very well. However, Zuko still managed to be late, which was no surprise. In your eyes, he was a spoiled brat. 

You didn't bother to look up from your book when the chair across of you screeched over the ground, earning dirty glances from the other students that studied in the library. "Can you at least look at me?" Zuko's voice was laced with annoyance as he looked at you, but you just turned to the next page. "You're late." You stated to obvious, not being able to concentrate on the sentence with Zuko's intense stare. "Sorry, princess, I have other things to do than doing this project with you." He muttered, making you huff as you closed the book. Your eyebrows furrowed when you realized he was empty-handed. "It's our grade, you idiot. Also, where the hell is your stuff?" "What stuff?" He furrowed his eyebrows, and you couldn't help but groan at his oblivious behavior. "The things that remind us of love, you know, the stuff. I can't and won't do this project on my own, your highness." Your voice layered with annoyance, anger, and plain mockery. You didn't give two flying fucks that he was royalty, in Ba Sing Se Zuko was simply another student, equal to you and not above you. 

Zuko crossed his arms, leaning back in the chair, face grimaced by anger. He kept quiet, and you wondered where his snarky remark was. "Do you even have things that remind you of any kind of affection? Like, anything?" You asked as your mind caught up with what was going on. He probably didn't receive a lot of affection due to his royal descended. The Fire Nation was a nation of no emotion but anger, which had troubled you a lot growing up. You never seemed to fit in with them, one of the many reasons you wanted to go to Ba Sing Se to study instead of the Fire Nation. 

He didn't answer, and that was answer enough for you as you sighed, standing up. His eyes followed every move you made with a way of alertness that scared you a bit. You put your book back where you got it from, before walking back to the table and putting away the canvas that was on the table. With a quiet groan, you heaved the bag over your shoulder, starting to walk towards the exit, before turning around. Zuko hadn't moved an inch, though, his head turned as he looked at you over his shoulder. "Are you waiting for a written invitation?" You asked, rolling your eyes as you watched him standing up, not caring to wait for him as you left the library, breathing in the warm evening air. "Where are we going?" Zuko asked as he came up beside you, but your eyes locked on the sunset. You watched the pink in the sky that mixed with the reds and oranges as if they always have belonged together, despite their differences. You grinned, your eyes quickly glancing towards the prince that looked weirdly attractive in the pink lightning that shun upon him. "Finding the path of love. But first some food, I'm starving." 

Soon you found both of you standing in front of a restaurant. "Something against spicy chicken noodle soup?" You asked, raising your eyebrows. It was just politeness, you would go in there alone, but he was with you, so it was polite to ask. "Nope." He shrugged, following your suit as you walked inside. "A table for two," you said to the waitress that stood at the door as she greeted you. As soon as her gaze fell upon Zuko, her cheeks heated up, and she started fiddling with the menus in her hand nervously, her other hands running through her jet black hair. You couldn't help but roll your eyes. He wasn't that attractive, you thought, but maybe you thought that because your first encounter was heated, and you didn't mean your anger issue problem.

"So, what is love by your definition?" You asked as you waited for your food to cool down, not wanting to burn yourself even though you had a high pain tolerance towards hot things. It's the firebender genes. "Strictness, dominance, god-complex." He shrugged, not caring that his food was hot. You knew that he was eating to keep him from answering your questions, which annoyed you even more. "You have a shit perspective of love." You muttered, taking a sip of your black tea, eyeing the prince. Right now, he didn't seem like the royal pratt you had met, just like a normal boy you went to a restaurant with, a friend even. However, you knew differently. He could be an asshole, an arrogant one if he wanted to, but right now, he wasn't, and you were more than glad. "What's love by your definition?" He asked, mouth full, and you grimaced a bit. That wasn't royal behavior, but you shrugged it off. "For me, love is little things. I grew up in a harsh environment, not a lot of money. Little things like my mother remembering my favorite fruit and buying it when she had leftover money, or my sister crafting me a necklace from pretty stones she had found by the lake near our property, or my father saving money up for me to buy new clothes. It wasn't a lot, but it showed their affection towards me." You said, a smile covering your lips as you remembered your family. If it wouldn't have been for the poverty, the struggle of getting money to have food on the table and days going without it, your family would've been perfect. "I didn't even get that." He scoffed as he stopped eating, his eyes gazing over the people that passed the restaurant. "I mean, I had plenty of money all my life. I should've been happy, I had food, I had clothes and my family bought me anything I wanted. But money doesn't buy love and money doesn't buy happiness. Your family held together, even in tough times. Mine was scattered all over the place, trying to buy the lack of affection they were showing. A story to bawl to, isn't it?" Zuko immediately wanted to take back what he had said, knowing that he went in too deep. He doesn't know you, and now he spilled his traumatic and lonely childhood with you, and he couldn't help but be jealous of you. He'd rather have no money and a family than money and no family. And you couldn't help but feel sorry for him, not knowing that being royal means being lonely, but you were pretty sure it was his family and not because he was a royal. His family was dysfunctional, whether with or without money.

You finished your bowl of chicken noodle soup in silence, which felt like it was suffocating both of you. "Can we get the check, please?" Zuko asked the waitress that came to your table. You started digging through your bag. "I'll get it." "No!" You exclaimed, voice stern as you got out the money, taking Zuko's shock to your advantage as you paid, keeping the check. "I could've paid for that," Zuko said as he stood up, and following you out of the restaurant into the night that had set over Ba Sing Se. "Love doesn't only come from family, but also friends. It's paying for someone else, little acts of kindness, and when they stack up upon each other, you'll look back to it and realize it's a form of love." You said as you looked up into the night sky, seeing endless stars covering the sky. "Doesn't mean we're friends, but I can be a kind person if I'm not getting a blast of fire shot at my face." 

PROJECT LOVE DAY 2/4

You were once again waiting in the library, the same book from yesterday in your hand. To your surprise, Zuko managed to show up on time as he sat down across you, a weirdly happy expression on his face as you put down your book. "What is it, Mr. Hotpants?" You asked, the random nickname coming to your mind, and you decided to just roll with it, realizing it was a huge mistake. "So, you think I'm hot?" Zuko smirked, his ego blasting through the roof as you rolled your eyes. "Hot because firbender--Nevermind, why are you so happy?" You decided to not defend yourself, way too tired from your work shift after the lecture. It was a small job, helping out in a small grocery store, but it was still exhausting, especially with studying. "I planned the day!" He grinned excitedly. "For what?" You furrowed your eyebrows, tiredly rubbing your eyes. "Our journey to find love!" He said a little too loud, and you couldn't help but blush as you realized the people that sent smiles your way. "I think I found mine, but I'm up for whatever you planned to find yours." You shrugged with a smile, standing up as you followed him. 

That wasn't the same Zuko from two days ago. Not the cocky, arrogant Zuko. It also wasn't the Zuko from yesterday, the one that opened up to you a bit, showing you his vulnerable state and his lonely past. No, this was today's Zuko, who seemed to be giddy, a childish like the behavior you couldn't help but adore as he pulled you down the street by the sleeve of your jacket. "Wow, calm down there!" You couldn't help but laugh as you stumbled behind him, trying not to trip. "Close your eyes." He stopped in his tracks, making you bump into his back, stumbling back a bit. "Do you think we're at that stage of trust?" You raised your eyebrows, a small smile on your face as you watched him pout. "Come on! It's for 20 seconds." He pleaded, and you gave in, closing your eyes, and he walked behind you, his hands on your shoulders as he guided you to a more lively part of town, the chattering of people filling up your ears. "Where are we going?" "Journey of love, I told you!" Zuko exclaimed, not wanting to give it away. 

Zuko grabbed your shoulders a bit more tightly as he stopped, keeping you from stumbling into the people that passed you. "Open your eyes." So, you did, and for a few seconds, you were speechless as you looked through the street. You looked at the many people that walked beside you, some of them couples, fresh in a relationship and happy with their significant other, others with friends, laughing as they walked the street in groups and old married couples that wanted to take a stroll, happily smiling at each other. "We are at the town festival." You beamed, as you looked around, looking at the different shops around you, some of them having cans stacked for people to throw over, the prizes stuffed animals and little toys. Others sold foods from all over the world, a puppet show for children, firebenders making a fire show, earthbenders changing rocks into animals, waterbenders selling healing water, and offering free healing for the people in need. It was breathtaking. "I figured this was a great place to go find the path of love. Couples come here, friends come here, even people that mistake a stranger for their sister and send a fireball their way come here." You both chuckled at the last part, and you shook your head. "I can't remember the last time I was at a town festival." You smiled, but you couldn't help but frown afterward. Your family never had enough money to come to a place like this, so the only thing you could do was walk through the streets as a child, wondering why every other family could afford this, but not yours. Only later you realized, it wasn't only saddening you, but also your parents. They wanted to give their daughters everything in life but had no money to do so.

"Come on, we are not just going to look at others having fun!" Zuko urged you, and you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and amusement as he joyfully wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you along through the crowd of people. "What do you want to do first?" "Oh Zuko, I don't have any money with me-" You stumbled over your words, embarrassed as you tried to explain that you left your money in your drawer in the dorm, but he cut you off. "No worries, my treat." He gave you an encouraging smile. "Little acts of kindness will stack upon each other, and looking back at it, you will realize that it is a form of love." He said as he tried to quote your words from yesterday, making you smile a bit. You didn't think he'd even remember any of the words you said, the unheard words you usually recited inside your head. 

"Is this a journey of love?" Zuko asked as he took a bite of the extra spicey fried duck, a Fire Nation national dish. Everything was a Fire Nation dish if it was spicy enough. You decided that you didn't want to suffer twice, so you stuck with a traditional Water Tribe fish soup with water plumbs. "Is it for you? Do you feel loved, like a warm feeling making itself present within your chest, making you feel all giddy?" You asked as you looked at Zuko. You liked this Zuko. For once, he seemed like he was genuinely happy, no cocky grin and no snarky remarks, just pure joy filling every atom of his body. "I do, but I'm not sure if it's the spicy duck or that we're here today." He chuckled, and you smiled as you gave the man behind the counter your empty bowl, thanking him as Zuko paid for both of you. "You know, this is something I never could enjoy with my family. My father used to say that the royal people were too good to be in town with people like this." Zuko said as he eyed the crowd, a humble smile on his face. "He was wrong. It's amazing. It makes you feel like you're alive for once, that your future is not set by the family you were born in. It makes you feel like you're apart of something bigger than yourself. That you have a purpose in your life." 

In silence, you walked back to the University, but you didn't mind. It gave you time to think, and you had to admit, you started liking Zuko's company. Your eyes glanced over to the throne prince, who seemed to be a normal teenage boy for once, walking beside you, his feet kicking small rocks through the street. You couldn't tell if it was your tiredness speaking, or the fact that you were still too euphoric, but as you glanced at him, something inside you warmed up. Something about his face lit by the yellow lighting of the lanterns, the way a soft, small smile covered his face when he managed to kick one of the stones against a lantern post, was different. You were intrigued by him, and every second you kept looking at him, he seemed to get even more handsome. You weren't quite sure what to think about you thinking that way, but you didn't mind it too much.   It was because you were tired, you figured. You almost hoped. If this isn't going to fade tomorrow, you know it'd bite you in the ass later. 

"Wait!" Zuko stopped you from entering your room, your door already halfway open as you turned back around, your face filled with confusion. He rummaged through his pocket, before fishing out a green satin bag with the Earth Kingdom sigil on it, handing it to you. "What is it?" You asked, confused as you felt the bag, not having a clue what it was. "A surprise." He grinned as he walked towards his door. "Why?" You asked, now making him turn around, his hand on the door handle. "No reason." Again, the soft smile that seemed to melt your insides as he stepped inside his room, leaving you alone in the hallway.

You entered your room, closing the door behind you and lighting a fire in your hand, expecting the bag in your other palm. "What is that?" You flinched as Ty Lee came up to you, her face filled by curiosity. "I don't know yet." You answered, truthfully, as you walked over to your bed, lighting the candle on your bedside table. "Who gave it to you?" Ty Lee questioned as she took a seat beside you on your bed, and you looked at her. "Zuko." You muttered, and you could imagine the way her face lightened up. "Open it, open it!" She urged you, and you snickered as you opened the satin bag, pulling out a little stone figure. It was smooth between your fingers, precisely made. "It's a turtleduck." Ty Lee said in awe as she took it in between her fingers. "You must mean a lot to him if he gave you this." Ty Lee smiled, giving you the little figure. "Why?" You questioned. Zuko said he gave you this for no reason, so why would you mean a lot to him if he gave you this. Ty Lee stood up with a sigh, walking over to her bed and sat down. She gazed at you, but it seemed like she was in her world when she started speaking. "Back in the palace, they have a garden. They have a pond with a turtleduck family. Zuko and his mother used to feed them together all the time. It's a precious memory for him. Usually, he gets irritated when you bring this up because he misses his mother. She left him at a very young age." Ty Lee explained, and you gaped at her. "It's not something usual for Zuko to do, the whole present thing. But even more unusual is that he gave you a part of his most precious memories." Ty Lee leaned back in her bed and covered herself in her duvet, before chirping a goodnight and turning around, leaving you stunned. You changed into your pajamas before returning into your bed, snuffing out the candle, leaving you in complete darkness as your fingers still fiddled with the stone figure, taking in every edge and corner of it. You couldn't help but wonder as to why Zuko would give you something so close to his heart, so close to his safe place as you started falling into a deep slumber. 

PROJECT LOVE DAY 3/4

Your foot tapped against the wooden ground of the library impatiently. This morning after the lecture, you and Zuko had agreed to meet earlier than usual since falling asleep that late took a toll on your concentration. He agreed, but now you waited in the library for over an hour, and your patience was running low. 

After another thirty minutes passing, you groaned quietly, cursing under your breath as you went to the dorms. You wouldn't let Zuko get away with this. With heavy footsteps, you walked over to his room, your fingers loudly knocking against the door. Suprise filled your face as a boy you didn't know opened the door, his desperate eyes filling with relief as he saw you. "Thank god, you're here. You're y/n, right?" You raised your eyebrows, nodding. "Zuko was threatening to roast me like a winged pig if I didn't hurry to the library to tell you that he wouldn't be able to make it. Thank god you're here, though! Now you can take care of him!" The boy dashed past you with a grateful smile, leaving you in a door stunned before you heard a faint 'Sokka, you jerk!' from inside the room. Slowly you opened the door, and your eyes met Zuko's pale body, he laid in his bed, shirtless, shivering, a thin layer of sweat covering his body as weak groans left his mouth. He looked at you, opening his mouth, but before he could say something, he leaned over the bucket beside his bed, vomiting. Your anger vanished as you speed walked over to him, kneeling beside him as you rubbed your warm hand over his sweaty back, but you couldn't care less about that. Your other hand found it's way to his long hair, holding it out of his face as he groaned in pain, his back muscles flexing under your hand. A frown covered your face as he finally stopped, now laying back into his bed, wiping his mouth with a cloth that settled on his bedside table. "You shouldn't see me like this." His voice was low as he turned to the side, not only because it would be easier to reach the bucket but because he craved to see your face. The worry in your eyes made his heart warm up. He couldn't exactly explain why. "Do you think you could survive thirty minutes without me?"

After you got Zuko's approval and provided him with water, and an emptied bucket, you raced out of the door into your room, taking a weaved basket off of the top of your closet. "Where are you going?" Ty Lee asked her arm wrapped around her girlfriend you had met this morning, Mai, by her side. Ty Lee was right, Mai did look like she had no emotions. "I need to get some stuff from the market. I need to take care of Zuko." You answered, now both Ty Lee and Mai intrigued. "What's wrong with him?" Mai asked as she raised her eyebrows in question. "I don't know he's not feeling too well, basically barfing his guts out." You answered with a frown. Of course, you felt unwell, leaving him on his own, but you wanted to get some things that made you feel better when you were sick, and maybe it'd make him feel better, too. "We can join you, so you get back faster." Ty Lee proposed after she saw your face filled with distress. "You would do that?" You asked, hopeful. Things would go much faster, and that meant you wouldn't have to leave him on his own for too long. "Of course, right Mai?" "I guess."

You gave everyone a list of things they'd have to get, and you guys split up, roaming over the marketplace and the shops surrounding it. You walked past the fruits and came to a halt in front of your favorite fruit, watermelon. You picked a smaller one, paying for it before making your way over the market. Maybe, just maybe, this was the little safe memory you could share with Zuko after he had shared one with you, even though you weren't quite aware of it. Your mother's remedy that always nursed you back to health. 

"We got everything you asked us for, and do you know how nice I had to be for the man in the teashop to lend you the teapot?" Mai said, and you thanked her as you put the teapot inside your weaved basket, hoping it wouldn't spill. "And I got the bowl of chicken soup, careful it's hot!" You also thanked Ty Lee as she smiled brightly at you. "Thank you, guys. You don't know how much I appreciate it." You thanked them, and you were genuine. "I get it, you worry about him. We're happy to help." Ty Lee exclaimed with a soft smile, her hand resting on your upper arm. "She's happy to help, I tolerate it." You nodded towards Mai, noting the ghost of a smile on her face. 

Your knuckles lightly knocked against Zuko's door, but the only thing you got met with was silence. Slowly you opened the door, flinching as Ty Lee carefully put the two last things you had asked her to get inside the basket. You gave her a thankful nod before slipping through the gap of the door, closing it behind you. You noted Zuko's slow breathing, and you were happy that he was sleeping instead of puking his guts out. You placed the basket onto the ground, walking over to Zuko. As your eyes roamed over his body, you frowned. He looked a lot paler than he already was, body covered in sweat as he turned, grunting in pain. With a small sigh escaping your mouth, you took the water bucket Sokka had left, taking one of the fresh clothes that settled on his bedside table. You proceeded to drench the cloth before walking over to Zuko, taking the lukewarm one from his forehead, throwing it on the ground. You grabbed another piece of fabric and soaked it with water, starting to dab his chest and neck a bit. 

"You're back." Zuko's voice was raspy as he looked at you, your eyes glancing over to his face before you continued trying to cool down his burning body. "How long was I sleeping?" "Not long, I only came here a minute ago, and I left ten minutes ago." You said as you dropped the fabric next to the other one. "How are you feeling?" You asked, the back of your hand pressing against his cheek, but he was still burning up, and it worried you. "Like a flying bison crushed me." He chuckled weakly, his eyes following you as you walked over to the basket. "I got you some things to nurse you back to health. Well, at least it helped me." You shrugged with a smile as you walked over. Zuko could have sworn something inside him was alive, his stomach felt all...fluttery? It was weird, and he didn't know what to think about it. "Why?" He asked, and he was seriously curious. You knew each other for six days now, and one and a half of them Zuko was a total dick, and now you were worried sick about him. "Because taking care of someone who is sick is another form of showing affection." You smiled, and you were glad that the room was dimly lit, else he would've seen the blush that crept up your face. You never blushed, what the hell was wrong to with you? "And because you showed me a part of one of the happiest memories in your life, even though I was completely unaware of it, so now I'm showing you mine." Zuko smiled softly before his face turned to confusion, then to annoyance. "Ty Lee." He muttered, his face burning up, and you pretended not to see it.

Your arm tucked a bit under Zuko as you helped him to move up a bit. He was too weak to eat by himself, every bone in his body aching, and every muscle strained. Of course, it embarrassed him a bit. He wanted to eat by himself and do everything you were doing for him by himself, but he physically couldn't. "Wait!" You said more to yourself as you put the steaming bowl onto the ground, rummaging through the basket until your hand grasped a small container that Ty Lee had slipped inside the basket. "What's that?" He asked as you opened the container, the smell of eucalyptus filling up the room. "It's something my mother uses when I'm sick. It's a homemade balm." You took a big glop of the balm, putting the container on the ground before rubbing it between your palms. Hesitantly you pressed one of your palms onto his chest, stopping when his muscles tensed, looking at him, but he only nodded, signaling you to keep going. You proceeded to cover his chest and back with it, covering him with a blanket. "Is it supposed to get warm?" Zuko panicked a bit as his eyes tried to find yours, but you were busy cleaning your hands. Getting this into your eyes hurt like a bitch. "Yes, that's the whole magic." You grinned, before taking a seat on the bed with the bowl, as you started spoon-feeding him. 

The more Zuko's eyes laid on you, the more he felt himself falling. Falling for you. He wasn't sure if he wanted this, you made him feel warm, happy, and everything he wasn't without you. But the thought of you leaving someday, taking those feelings with you, shredded his heart. On the other hand, Zuko always expected the worst. Zuko never knew anything else than the feeling of anger, of forced narcissism to hide his vulnerability and pain behind, and loneliness. But seeing you giving a part of your day solely to him, to make him feel better, made him feel things he couldn't describe even if he wanted to. He also figured you probably weren't feeling the same things he did, and Zuko wondered maybe if he wouldn't have wanted to play that stupid prank on Azula if you both would've met on good terms.

"Did you brew that yourself?" Zuko asked out of curiosity as you got the teapot out of the basket, filling it into a mug you had found inside Zuko's bedside table. "Oh, god no. I wouldn't know how to brew tea correctly if my life depended on it." You chuckled before holding the warm, still steamy mug out for him. After the soup, he had regained some strength and had insisted on drinking the tea by himself. After a lot of arguing and 'don't come crying to me if you spill it and burn yourself,' you agreed. Zuko's face twisted into disgust as he took a sip of the tea. "What the fuck is that?" "Unsweetened lemon ginger tea. I know it's awful, but it's even more awful with sugar, and it helps." You reassured him. He gave you a skeptical look, but you had gotten it, so he would down it, even if it tasted like straight-up acid. "That's where the watermelon comes in!" You grinned as you got out the watermelon, starting to cut it, and Zuko looked even more confused. "It takes away the disgusting taste of the tea, and it's refreshing." Your smile was soft as you gave him a piece of it. You were right. It felt amazing, going down his throat, and even the tea tasted delicious with it. 

"Is someone getting tired?" You smiled warmly at Zuko, kneeling beside his bed as he looked at you through half-opened eyes. "Maybe." He chuckled, tiredly rubbing his eyes. "Go to sleep I'll stay here for a bit and tomorrow you'll feel like you've been reborn." You chuckled as you rummaged through your basket, getting out the book you had asked Ty Lee to get from the library. "Is that the book you read in the library?" Zuko asked, tired eyes squinting at the cover of the book, trying to make sense of the letters. "Yes, I quite like it, and it kills time." "Read it to me." For a second, you gaped at Zuko, and he felt instant regret and embarrassment. "Never-" "Okay." You smiled, a smile that told him not to worry about it, that you didn't find his request weird. 

Zuko lifted his head, head tilted slightly, a non-verbal invitation for you to sit down and replace your thighs with the pillow. And the way he was looking at you, so lovingly, calm and innocent, you couldn't deny him anything right now as you sat down, and he made himself comfortable on top of your legs as you leaned your back against the wall, opening the book. "Where should I start?" You asked, voice soft as you looked down at him, seeing him blink slowly, as tiredness started to fill every ounce of his body. He felt safe and comfortable with you, now the drowsiness that usually hit after three hours of tossing and turning, hitting him within a minute. "I don't care." He muttered, struggling to keep his eyes open, words slightly slurred. "I just like listening to your voice."

So, you started reading aloud and even kept reading after his breaths were even, face peacefully nuzzled into the soft fabric of your pants, one of his hands tucked between your thigh and his head. You kept reading for a few more hours, in silence, sometimes glancing outside to see the sun going down. When you realized that it was too dark to read, but still not quite too dark yet, you put the book away, your gaze once again roaming over Zuko's softened features highlighted by the sun that was starting to set. He looked angelic like he did not worry about anything in the world. A faint smile formed itself upon your lips as you let your finger, just as light as a breeze, caress his cheek. Your smile widened when he scrunched up his nose, burying his face even more in your thighs. 

That was when you realized it. You were falling. You were falling hard and fast, with no way to stop it. No way to brace yourself for impact, no way to brace your heart for collision with reality. You sighed deeply, silently cursing yourself within your mind for your emotions, but when you gazed back down to him. Your eyelids started feeling heavy as you watched Zuko, heart filled with warmth. Maybe falling for him wasn't the worst thing in the world, you figured before you closed your eyes, letting yourself slip into a deep slumber. 

Somewhere in the middle of the night, you felt someone moving you, and you opened your eyes tiredly. Your eyes met with Zuko's eyes, which seemed to glow golden even in the middle of the night. You were still too drowsy to form a proper sentence, only a slurred 'what' escaping your mouth. "You seemed uncomfortable, so I moved you down a bit." He whispered, making sure he wouldn't wake you up properly. You only let out a hum of approval, eyes heavy as you made grabbing motions toward him, a lazy smile plastered over your face, and he chuckled lowly. Zuko couldn't help but smile at your behavior; you were just too adorable. With a heavy sigh, he laid down beside you, and you didn't waste a second, your head finding its way to his chest, arm wrapped over his abdomen and legs entangled. The warmth radiating from his body made it hard for you to keep your eyes open. "Do you feel better?" or at least something like that left your mouth, along with slurred nonsense, but Zuko understood you. "Yes, I'm doing better." He muttered, his arm wrapped around your back and his arm settling at the curve of your waist, and you finally closed your eyes, only mumbling a 'good' before you slipped right back into your slumber.

PROJECT LOVE DAY 4/4

"Oh my god, this is the cutest thing!" "I didn't know Zuko had a soft side to him." "This is disgustingly adorable." "Stop, you guys are going to wake them up!" "He looks so peaceful, I want to smack him." Zuko slowly opened his eyes, squinting a bit at the sun rays that entered the room before his gaze rested upon the owners of the voices. To his luck, mark the sarcasm, the whole Gaang, including Suki, stood in the room. Zuko slowly moved up, holding himself up with his elbow, before rolling his eyes, letting himself fall back with a loud groan. "You brought everyone, didn't you, Sokka," Zuko stated the obvious, you moved a bit, and only now Zuko remembered that you were in bed with him, guilt immediately making its way to his mind. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." His voice lowered significantly, as he looked at you, you nuzzling your face in his chest, a sigh escaping your mouth before lifting your head again as you opened your eyes. "What the actual fuck?" You whispered as your voice croaked, the only familiar face was Sokka who stood in front of the bed with a smile, a girl tucked to his side. "Did I miss something?" You muttered, sitting up, slouching as you rubbed your tired eyes, not fully comprehending what was going on. "Not really, I just walked in here and thought this was the cutest shit ever and got all of my and Zuko's friends to see that Zuko is capable of liking someone." You furrowed your eyebrows, face twisted in confusion and tiredness. "Next time you pay for that shit, I'm not doing anything for free." You muttered as Zuko sat up beside you, lucky that you weren't as mad as he thought you might be. "Mind introducing yourselves?" You asked, your eyes slowly adjusting to the brightness as you eyed the group, and everyone started talking at the same time, making you groan. "I need tea before starting with this mess." You muttered to yourself, swinging your legs over Zuko's, and you shivered a bit as your feet hit the ground, your balance slightly off. 

You walked past the group, out of Zuko's room towards your room. Ty Lee had your daily dose of caffeine, black tea. She, by far, made the best black tea you ever tasted, and you couldn't help but scrounge a cup of black tea every morning. You opened the door, seeing Mai laying in Ty Lee's bed, her clothes all over the place while she slept tightly, silent snores escaping her mouth. "Good morning." Ty Lee smiled as she walked over to you, giving you a steaming hot cup of tea, with two scoops of sugar and a splash of milk. "I see you had a good night?" You smirked, taking a sip of your tea. "Yeah, you didn't come home last night, so..." Ty Lee's cheeks were flushed while you smiled at her. "I'm happy for you, Ty Lee. But stay away from my bed, that's a no go." You warned her with a soft smile, and she smiled back, nodding eagerly. You walked back towards the door before turning back to her. "Don't you dare to go near the desk." "Maybe you should've told me that before..." "Ty Lee!"

You went back to Zuko's room, making a mental note to wipe down the desk four times before ever sitting at it again. "You guys are still here?" You asked as you saw the whole group standing in the room, Zuko's cheeks flushed as he hid his face in his hands. "What did you guys do to him?" You asked with a sly smirk, leaning against the bedframe. "We just...asked some questions." Sokka's wiggling eyebrows told you everything you needed to know. "Okay guys, get out of here. I promise Zuko will tell you everything you need to know, but right now I want steamy, hot and sweaty morning sex without any visitors, thank you, bye!" You exclaimed with a grin, shoving the group out of the door, ignoring their disapproving and disgusting sounds as you shut the door in their face, locking it. With a grin, you turned to Zuko, who looked at you, his jaw almost kissing the ground. "You just made this all way worse than it was!" He whisper-yelled as he tugged his hair, but he couldn't keep the smile hidden that tugged at the corners of his mouth. "They're too noisy too early in the morning, and they already think something is going on, so." You shrugged as you walked over to him, sitting down beside him and leaning against the wall before taking a sip of your tea. He leaned against the wall beside you, his head turning to you, and you looked at him, eyebrows raised as he smirked at you, one eyebrow raised. "Was that an invitation for sex back there?" "You wish."

Since you and Zuko didn't have a lecture today, you decide to spend the last day of your 'journey of love' together, trying to find the last little pieces that reminded you of love throughout the city. You knew it was barely any use anymore since you went over the things you perceived as love this morning, finding you had all things for it gathered. You gave it a shot anyway, letting the warm summer sun smother on your skin as you walked the streets of Ba Sing Se side by side. "Don't you have any ideas anymore?" You asked as you looked at Zuko. He shook his head. "The only things that reminded me of some kind of affection came from you, and maybe one or two things from my childhood." He admitted, and you could see the pink color that covered his cheeks as he held his head low, following you through the streets. Suddenly, a memory from your childhood struck you, and you halted in your steps before grinning at Zuko. "What is it?" His look was careful as he eyed you with caution. "I have one last thing."

"Holy spirits, y/n, slow down!" Zuko yelled, stumbling behind you as you walked through a wooded area of the third ring in Ba Sing Se. Your University was in the first ring, one of the elite Universities in the land. Still, you thought the third ring was the most beautiful, so many different people from different backgrounds with different elements they bend. To that, they still had a lot of woods in their area, a lot of nature which you were glad about. 

You came to a halt in front of an abandoned lake, the water shining in a deep blue as you looked at your reflection. When Zuko's image came into view, you couldn't help but laugh, turning to him and taking the twigs out of his hair. "You dragged me through these woods, stop laughing!" He complained with an obvious fake groan as he ran his hands through his black hair, his cheeks once again flushed. Since when did Zuko get so flustered all the time? "So, what are we doing here?" He asked, curiosity getting the best of him as he looked around before following you down to the stone beach that sat by the side of the lake. "I used to do this with an old friend of mine." You grinned as you kneeled, taking a few rocks into your hands before letting them drop to the ground. "We try to find rocks that match the eyes of the other." You grinned up to him, and you knew that it maybe sounded a bit ridiculous, but it was fun, and it was a way of showing affection. It meant the other spent enough time with the other person to be able to tell their eye color without having to look at it. "No cheating!" You warned with a laugh, shielding your eyes before standing up. "Fine, fine!" He chuckled, lifting his hands in defeat before going to the other end of the 'beach'.

You spent at least forty five minutes rummaging through the different rocks when something seemed to blind you for a second, then disappearing. You furrowed your eyebrows as you walked to the water, crouching down as you lifted different rocks. Then you saw it, a few inches to the right. In awe, you picked up the stone, letting it move in between your fingers. It was perfect. It was honey-colored stone, a bit more on the gold-ish side than on the yellow side. The stone was a bit translucent, and the edges were smoothed out by the water. The stone remembered you at the night where Zuko had woken you, his eyes glimmering the exact same color in the faint moonlight. You clutched the rock inside your hand, standing up and walking over to Zuko with a sly grin. "Hey, you said no cheating!" He laughed as he looked up at you for mere seconds, before playfully shielding his eyes. "I already got my stone, idiot." You grinned, putting your hands on his shoulders. "Seriously? Me too!" He laughed, clutching something in his fist, standing upright. "I liked being taller than you for one second, and you ruined it." You frowned, but couldn't help your smile that forced its way onto your face. "Let me see your stone, come on." He grinned, but you shook your head, taking a step back. "No, I found mine first! You're going to show me yours first." You insisted, and Zuko knew he could just not say no to you. It just wasn't possible with the way you smiled at him, eyes bright with childish happiness. "Alright!" He stretched the word as he opened his fist, and you looked at the stone in awe. "It's pretty accurate." You nodded, impressed by his skills. "You probably got a black one or one covered in mud, didn't you?" He gave you a toothy smile. "Your eyes are not black, and they are not muddy!" You said, offended that he would even think such things as your hand lightly slapped against his chest. You opened your fist with a proud grin, and Zuko raised his eyebrows. "What?" You asked, confused as you looked from the stone to his eyes, and you were right, they were practically the same color. "My eyes are not that pretty." "They are Zuko! Have you ever looked into a mirror? You are pretty all over, from head to toe and even your weird little gray hair that's distracting me!" You exclaimed, outraged by his claims. "You think I'm--I have a gray hair?!" He asked, his voice furious. "Pull it out." "But it's cute--" "I said pull it, say goodbye to it or keep it in your drawer as a memory, I don't care! I'm nineteen, I'm not supposed to have gray hair!" You groaned before picking the hair, making him pull a grimace at the sharp pain, letting his hand run over it. "Thank you." "Careful, you might be getting wrinkles, honey." "Fuck you."

You and Zuko spent the rest of the day under a tree by the lake, enjoying the company of each other. Sometimes it was silent, then the air was filled with laughter and memories, then again quietness filling the air. You didn't mind. You could sit in silence with Zuko for a hundred years, and you wouldn't mind it one bit. 

Hesitantly you felt Zuko's hand brush against yours, and your heart started speeding up. You let your finger slither around his ones, lacing them with yours, and squeezing it tightly. "Is this the journey of love, y/n?" Zuko asked, his eyes focused on the sunset in front of you. You glanced at him, his face smoothed out by the deep yellow that covered almost every inch of the forest, and you couldn't help but admire him. Four days ago, you never would've thought you would be friends, and now you were sitting here, holding his hand and watching the sunset and your heart racing at an incredible speed. You sighed deeply, leaning your head against his shoulder as you admired the sunset, the color reminding you of his eyes, and you had to smile. Your thumb ran over the back of his hand, your eyes not once leaving the incredible sight in front of you, your voice barely a whisper. "Yes, Zuko. It is."

[cupofteaguk]

are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?

FROM THE PETALS COLLECTION

[pairing] :: yoongi x fem!reader

[genre] :: kiki delivery service au + fluff 

[word count] :: 6.3k

.

Your eyes flicker open to a window of ocean and summer breeze drifting into your bedroom. One look at the sun tells you that you’ve overslept just a little bit, but the memory of your long travel the previous day justifies the action. You had to fly practically to the other side of the city to deliver a basket of freshly picked vegetables, and it had taken a lot out of you especially under the heat of the sun. 

And yet, today is a new day. 

You let out a sigh. “I should get up,” You tell yourself, pushing yourself up into a sitting position. The morning light has stretched across the space around you, highlighting the little desk and small collection of plants that overtake the remaining walls of your tiny bedroom. In the corner is your broom, looking as if it’s glimmering at the thought of another adventure for the day. 

With a little rub to your eyes, you look down and see the little black cat curled up at your side. Despite its appearance of comfort, the black cat has it’s big navy colored eyes fixated on you. As if it had been watching you for a little while. “Finally decided to get up,” The cat notes, also pushing itself up into a sitting position. 

Your fingers go behind your back, curl together, and stretch at the muscles of your shoulder. “Give me a break, Tobio,” You say, now moving to bring your hands up and over your head. “We had a long day yesterday.” 

At long last do you push back your blankets. You slide your feet down onto the carpet below and continue with the rest of your preparations. You slip on the heavy black dress you have been wearing since your arrival to the city. Fingers gather into the strains of your hair, pulling half of it into a ponytail to keep it out of your face. 

You run a hand through your hair, deeming is acceptable because you immediately make your way towards the bedroom door. “Tobio, I’m going to the shop now!” You call over your shoulder, looking over to find that your cat has settled himself comfortably at your windowsill. At your calling, however, the cat leaps over the ledge and makes his way over to where you’re standing. Tobio climbs up your frame, setting himself atop your shoulder, prepared for the day. 

With your black cat settled, you open the bedroom door and continue down a small hallway. Every few steps is a small window overlooking more of the ocean and cityscape below you, a little vase of plants or flowers growing on each sill. The occasional photo hangs on the empty spaces—a little girl riding her bike, a small family enjoying a picnic, a couple at a beach, that same little girl now with pigtails with you wrapped underneath her arm. Closed doors also line the hallway, all closed and leading to different parts of the house. You brush past all of them. The hallway ends, opening up into a kitchen with more sunlight pouring in through the windows. The stove is off but a pot still rests atop. It must have been used to make some morning tea. 

The emptiness of the upstairs apartment unit gives little indication about where your roommate is. At the end of the kitchen is an incline of stairs that go down, one that you follow and open the door at the end of the stairs. The door reveals a flower shop: the cashiers station in the back, rows of different colored flowers and types along the middle, and windows across the entire front of the store. 

The crowd for the morning is light, just one or two people strolling through the different aisles. The quietness is interrupted by the movement near the cashier. 

The little girl from the photographs stands behind the counter. She’s not a little girl anymore, and her hair is no longer in pigtails—she holds herself as an adult. She even talks like one too, as she opens her mouth to scold you. “You overslept.” 

You sigh. “Not you too, Karly.” From your shoulder, Tobio snorts something underneath his breath. You join her behind the counter, grabbing a bundle of daisies that most likely had come from the morning delivery. “You know how awful my delivery was yesterday! The grandmother made me stay for over an hour so she could tell about all the vegetables she had received and how amazing her granddaughter was for growing them all! Do you realize how exhausting it is to hear about cucumbers over and over again?” 

“Well, do you know how exhausting it is to fill out all your order forms for you because you slept through the opening routine?” Karly returns, not looking at you. Her gaze is too focused on counting the cash in the register. “For your information, it’s very exhausting.” 

You put down the daisies for a second to turn your attention towards the basket of ‘to be completed’ order forms. Raising an eyebrow, you reach your hand into the basket to pull out—! 

“Two order forms,” You report, turning to glare at your roommate. “It was exhausting to fill out two order forms?” 

“So exhausting,” Karly repeats, but a glance at you makes you immediately see the smirk across her lips. You have half the mind to throw the order forms at her, but their value for your business keeps you from doing such a thing. Instead, you nudge her with your shoulder before turning your attention back to the order forms. Of the two, one required an immediate delivery while the other one could be delivered in the later afternoon. Knowing these deadlines helps you construct a mental schedule for the day. “So how does your day look today?” 

You shrug, looking over the order form requiring immediate attention. “Same old.” You brush past Karly away to enter the apartment unit once more, climbing the stairs and pacing towards your bedroom at the end of the hall. You quickly grab your broom from the corner and make your way back towards the shop. 

The door at the bottom of the stairs opens as you approach the kitchen. It’s Karly. “Your favorite customer is here!” She exclaims, broad grin on her face—the kind of grin that shows that she knows something you don’t. 

You frown, playing the broom on your shoulder. A favorite customer? You can’t think of anyone you prefer over the others… “What are you talking about?” You ask, making your way down the stairs. “I don’t have a favorite…” You trail off as soon as you enter the flower shop and see a very familiar figure lingering amongst the flowers. Just as it always does, the words get lodged in your throat and everything around you feels warm suddenly. “Min Yoongi!” You exclaim.

He looks good today with his black sweatshirt and skinny jeans—although you’re sure the boy could show up in a garbage bag and still manage to render you this way. His hair is fluffy, falling across his forehead that looks like he had just run a towel through it. Or his hands. Either mental image is nice to think about. 

Min Yoongi is the shy boy from across the street who was one of the first to greet you after you landed in the city all these years ago. He had been curious about your broom and your background, intrigued by the thought of you being a witch. He had been a lot younger back then, naturally, wide-eyed and shy. He’s still like that: wide-eyed and shy, that is. Except nowadays, he’s grown in certain features that may have previously made him lanky and awkward. He’s taller, older, cuter. It’s a rather troubling thought, one that you more often than not do not spend too much time pondering. 

Min Yoongi is a cute boy: a very cute boy you’ve known since you were thirteen. And yet the only thing you know about him is that he comes in practically every week to request your delivery services. Nothing more, nothing less. An occasional smile once in awhile, a breath of back-to-back conversation, but never anything beyond that. After all, Yoongi never bothers with something more meaningful, because he’s not interested. Right? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? 

Karly’s raised eyebrow directed at you seems to be telling a different story—as do the actual words that come out of her mouth every time Yoongi comes by for a visit. But you ignore all those as you turn your attention to the boy. “Yoongi, hi,” You say, realizing a moment later that you had already said his name and had already technically greeted him. 

Karly was definitely going to use this against you one day, as seen through the way she ducks her head to hide her snort. 

Yoongi stands there, so unassuming and wide-eyed as he looks at you. He utters your name. “Hey,” He returns. He starts to make his way to the counter, already well accustomed with the delivery process you’ve created. 

“How’s it going?” You ask, moving back behind the counter and pulling out an order form. 

“It’s good, how about you?” Yoongi returns, noticing Tobio situated on the counter. “I see Tobio is doing well,” He says, reaching out to scratch the cat behind the ear. Tobio purrs at the gesture and you smile at that. Tobio doesn’t need to say anything for you to know that he’s enjoying himself—not that Yoongi would be able to understand Tobio’s comments anyways. 

“He is,” You say. “We both basically knocked out after this long delivery we had to make. But we’re both good now.” You place the order form flat on the counter and take out a pen. “Alright, so what are we delivering today, Mr. Min?” 

He gummy smiles at your formality, but he digs through the contents of his backpack and produces a small notebook from his backpack. “I just need to have this delivered to my friend,” He says, placing his hand atop the notebook. You stare at his fingers for a second too long. “It’s part of this thing we’re working on together and I just need to get his input for what’s written in here.” He takes his hand off the notebook.

You look at the object, a small black-bound book that looks worn from constant use and travel. Even just from the outside, the pages look pressed into and look so full of life that you cannot help but stare. Not that your usual deliveries for Yoongi were anything out of the ordinary, this feels like the first time Yoongi has asked you to deliver something he’s been working on. 

“This thing looks like it's been through a lot,” You note quietly, picking up a pen and starting to fill out the form. You start with the name, and contents of the delivery: since both answers to those questions are situated in front of you.

“That’s because it has,” Yoongi answers with a smile that looks just a little smaller, just a little shyer. “I bring it with me everywhere. This thing is really important to me.”

The desire to ask about what could be so special that Yoongi feels the need to bring it with him everywhere feels too strong on your tongue. Yet, you elect to keep your mouth shut. It doesn’t seem right to ask something like that, especially during your job. “Sounds good,” You say instead, looking up and noticing that Yoongi’s gaze is still trained on you. “Who is the delivery going to?”

“A friend of mine, Kim Namjoon. He lives just over the river.” He looks down at the map you’ve got taped to the top of the counter. A tiny red pin sticks from the paper, nailed right into the current location of the flower shop. His eyes scan the map for a moment before his eyes find what he’s looking for, because he taps his finger on the surface. “Right here. He has a green roof, and lots of plants around the house. You’ll also see a wooden mailbox with his last name across it. Shouldn’t be too hard to notice.”

You take a mental note of these directions as you nod. “Alright then.” You take the notebook and slide it into one of the shipping envelops you have in the shop to keep certain packages and deliveries safe. “When do you need it delivered by?”

“Preferably just by the end of the day,” Yoongi says with the brush of his hand. “No rush, I know that you can be really busy sometimes.”

“It’s just part of the job,” You reply with a smile as you place the now fully completed order form in the basket. “Well, I’ll have this package delivered, Yoongi. Thank you for coming in. Pleasure doing business with you.”

Yoongi grins. “Likewise.” He utters your name, a beautiful sound that makes feel like the ground has just given up underneath your feet. “I’ll see you around?”

You nod. The sunlight seems to be streaming  directly through the window. Why else would your face feel so warm all of a sudden? “Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

Yoongi stares at you for a moment longer before he nods, more to himself than to you, and turns around to exit the shop. You hear the ringing of the bell at the door signaling his departure, and yet you remain rooted to the ground, staring at the door.

Karly hits you on the back between your shoulders. “Okay, but what the fuck was that?”

You flash out of your trance pretty quickly and give your roommate a look. “What the fuck was what?”

She jerks her chin towards the door. “Is that what you call flirting?”

You turn hot at the word. “Flirting?” You repeat. “What are you talking about? There was no flirting. In fact, I think you need your eyes checked. Where was the flirting? I wasn’t flirting, and Yoongi definitely wasn’t flirting. No one was flirting. I was just doing my job—stop that!” You push at her shoulder when you realize she’s looking at you like you just pissed in her cereal.

“You know, for a smart witch, you can be really dull sometimes.”

“What are you talking about?”

Karly glares at you. “I'm talking about how Yoongi is looking at you like you personally flew up into the sky to hang up all the stars and you do the exact same, and yet you’re both talking like you’ve never had a casual conversation with a human being before!”

“Not this again,” You mumble under your breath. “Karly, I’m not sure how much I need to tell you this. Yoongi isn’t into me that way. We’ve known each other for so long. If he was interested, we would have had a conversation outside of any new magic tricks I’ve learned or me asking him what kind of package he wants delivered this time.”

“C’mon, even I can tell you what kind of package he wants to deliver—specifically to you—!”

“Karly!”

Tobio perks his head up from the counter. “She has a point—!”

“Not you too!” You snap to the black cat on the counter.

"Okay, okay, fine, I”ll stop," She says, backing up with both hands raised in surrender. “I’ll drop it. But I’m serious! I really think you should consider the idea of Yoongi liking you!”

“Are we really talking about this again?” You scowl, moving back from around the counter to collect the package that required an immediate delivery. It’s a basket of freshly picked strawberries, from a mother to her daughter. “I don’t have time for this. Tobio, I’m leaving!”

Tobio meows in acknowledgment as he leaps from the counter to your shoulder.

“You have time on the ride over to think about Yoongi’s package—!” Karly calls from the shop as you shut the door to the shop before the girl can finish her sentence.

You sigh, cheeks still warm from the encounter and the following conversation. “I can’t believe this,” You mumble underneath your breath.

“I think you should keep him,” Tobio says, licking his paw and running the paw through the fur at his head. “He’s nice. He smiles at you the way Karly smiles at her flowers. It’s a little sad on Karly’s part, but it should prove something.” 

“I don’t want to hear about this anymore,” You protest, instead choosing to shift your attention to the broom in your hand. You ready it, straddling the handle of the broom, before you leap off into the air around you. Nevermind the tiny smile that pitches the corner of your lips the entire time.

.

Min Yoongi is in the shop the next day, hands in the pocket of a denim jacket. Karly looks like she’s about to burst, with her lips pressed together and her wide-eyes observing Yoongi’s wandering. Tobio doesn’t look too far off from saying another snarky comment. 

“He usually comes in once a week, what is happening—!” Karly hisses in your ear. You immediately cut her off with an elbow to the gut. 

“Hey Yoongi,” You greet loudly, hoping to drown out Karly’s coughing. “What brings you in here? I thought you only come by once a week.” 

Yoongi looks at you for a moment before he ducks his head a little, scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t know you kept track.” 

Karly kicks your ankle. She gives you a look, her eyes flashing. You swallow, your fingers immediately curling into the strands of your hair. “W-Well, it’s just that… hard not to do that for you.” 

Yoongi presses his lips together. “Is that so?” He asks, not really looking at you. There’s some pink dusting along his cheeks. 

You feel warm again. Why on earth did you think to say that? Sure, yes, you’ve known about Yoongi’s weekly visits for years but saying it like that? Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut? 

“Anyways,” You bring up again after a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Since you’re here so soon after your last, uh, visit, it must be urgent. Something I can help you with?” 

“Oh, right.” Yoongi blinks, seeming to remember what he was doing here. He takes out an envelope, something small enough to just hold a letter. “I just need this to be dropped off at Namjoon’s house—the guy whose house you had to go to yesterday. It’s just some updates to the notebook I had given him. I also need you to bring the notebook back here. Namjoon already knows to give it to you.” 

You nod at that, smiling as you take the envelope. “Been away from your baby for too long, huh?” You ask, looking back up at him. 

Yoongi joins in your laughter, a small breathless sound that includes a slight shake of his shoulders. “Honestly, it feels like a piece of myself has been missing.”

You pull out an order form from the counter, already moving to fill out the different questions. “Do you…” You start, stopping yourself for a moment, realizing that the question you have in mind probably isn’t either appropriate or welcoming. You trail off, thinking that Yoongi would ignore it or not care enough to take notice of your voice cutting itself off. 

“Do I what?” Yoongi asks. He’s leaning against the counter now, arms resting on the surface, close enough that you can see the glimmer of curiosity and encouragement in his eyes. You could pull away, but you don’t. Instead, you smile and look back down at your work. 

“Oh, nothing, I just… I was going to ask you something, but I realize it might be too personal. Or intrusive.” 

Yoongi tilts his head, some of the black strands of his hair falling across his forehead. “We’ve known each other since we were thirteen. C’mon, no question is too personal or intrusive. You can ask.” 

You ponder this for a moment, before you finally decide to give in. You place your pen on the desk and look up to face the boy once more. He’s still looking at you. “I just wanted to know what was so important about the notebook you want back. It seems to mean a lot to you, especially because you carry it around with you.” 

“Ah, that’s a good question,” He replies, taping his chin and looking around the shop for a moment. He returns his gaze back to you. “It’s my writing journal,” He explains. 

“Are you a writer?” 

“Well, kind of. Not really. Actually, um.” He goes back to scratching his ear, biting his lip. “I’m more of a songwriter. I like writing music.” 

You grin. “That’s pretty cool. What kind of music?” 

Yoongi pauses. “Just, personal lyrics, I guess? I don’t really do anything with the lyrics—I haven’t turned it into actual music yet. That’s what my friend Namjoon is around for, we’re helping each other out. I just needed help going over some lyrics I had written, so now that he’s done I need the notebook back to keep going with my work.” 

You nod. “Totally understandable. I’ll have the notebook back later today, so you can come by tomorrow to pick it up if that’s okay.” 

Yoongi smiles. “More than okay. Thank you for doing this.” 

“I’m just doing my job, Mr. Min,” You say. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” 

He nods. “It’s a date.” He turns around to leave the shop, the bell ringing overhead. As well as in your head. 

The trace of a smile is still on your lips as you place the envelope in your bag and exit the space of the counter. Karly is in the middle of the store, organizing a small collection of lilies that have just come in that morning. She hasn’t said anything about the encounter, surprisingly, but the thought quickly disappears when you see the cat-like grin across her face. 

You tap her lightly on the head with the handle of your broom. 

“Hey!” Karly exclaims, laughing as she watches you make your way towards the exit of the store. “He literally said it was a date, Y/N, you can’t argue with that!” 

“He’s just being silly, alright, goodbye!” You exclaim, shouldering open the door of the shop. You take a glance at the cat on your shoulder, who has been strangely quiet during the interaction. The wide eyes of the cat, though, do not go unseen by you. “I don’t want to hear about it.” 

“I wasn’t saying anything!” Tobio complains. He stays quiet for a moment. “Although he did say it was a date. He looked excited to see you tomorrow, too—!” 

“Alright, enough,” You say, taping the cat on the nose before readying yourself on your broom. It’s a lot easier to take off now—you remember when you struggled a lot in your younger years, how much concentration it took to fly and stay off the ground. Nowadays, it comes like second nature to you as your broom moves towards the sky. There was no need to go over the map, since you still remember the route you had taken yesterday to reach the home of Kim Namjoon. The summer breeze is a little cooler today, a little stronger, as it brushes through your hair and your clothing. 

Today, you spare yourself the momentary distraction in staring out at the ocean in front of you, the bright blue and the line separating sea from sky. 

Tobio nudges into your cheek with his head. “We’re coming up on the river,” He tells you, and you look down to see the upcoming river from memory. 

“Awesome,” You say, passing over the river and beginning a descent back towards the ground. You quickly make out the green roof, the greenhouse in the background, the pathway of weeds. You land on the sidewalk in front of the house, smiling at the terrariums situated along the porch. Kim Namjoon is painted on the mailbox. 

You make your way up the pathway towards the house, knocking on the brown door. After a few seconds, it opens to reveal the man himself. He’s a little taller than Yoongi, fluffy cardigan across his broad shoulders, black framed glasses, and a polite smile across his face. 

“Ah, Y/N!” He greets. “My favorite delivery girl. Come in.” 

“Mr. Kim, I’m the only delivery girl,” You say, placing your broom on the porch and stepping into Namjoon’s house. It’s a small little cottage space, lots of windows and light streaming and highlighting bookshelves and typewriters. Namjoon is a writer, something you learned quickly yesterday from the first impression and from a small conversation with him. He’s actually published a book or two, but lately he’s been diving more into poetry and lyrics—hence, this is where his friendship with Yoongi comes into play. 

“Here’s the notebook Yoongi needs,” Namjoon says, picking up the aforementioned black notebook from a low table and handing it to you. “He should be happy to see it again.” 

You laugh, taking it from Namjoon. “He was already going through some separation anxiety.” 

Namjoon smiles at that. “You’ve known Yoongi for awhile, right?” 

You nod. “Since we were young. He lives across the street from me, so he was one of the first people I met when I first moved into the city.” 

“That’s cute,” He says, that smile still present on his lips. It’s the kind of smile Karly has given you for years in response to Yoongi’s weekly visits. “He does talk about you a lot. He’s pretty quiet though and keeps to himself for the most part. Although I’m sure you know that already.” 

You laugh, nodding again. “I do. But he’s really sweet.” You look down, unable to see the smile growing on Namjoon’s face as you dig through your bag to produce the folded envelope Yoongi had given you yesterday. “He asked me to give you this.” 

Namjoon takes the envelope. “Thanks. Hold on a second so I can get your payment, okay?” 

You watch as Namjoon turns around and takes his leave into another room, leaving you alone in this miniature library. Books cover one wall, and you glance over at the titles before looking back down at the notebook in your hands. You wonder what sort of lyrics Yoongi writes, how much of his heart he pours into pages. 

You look down at it for a few more seconds before you shake your head. It would be rude and frankly, inappropriate to look through something so personal without permission. Regardless of your relationship with Yoongi, regardless of his openness to share things with you, this would probably be crossing the line. You hold the notebook by the spine, the opening to the pages facing the ground as you move to place the notebook into your bag. 

Until a small slip of paper falls from between the pages. 

You blink at the paper, immediately kneeling down to pick it up and slide it back into the notebook. However, the writing at the top of the folded slip makes you pause. It’s your name. You pick it up. 

You hear the growing sound of footsteps from the other room, signalling Namjoon’s return. Quickly, you stuff the paper into your pocket and move to slide the notebook into your bag. Namjoon emerges just as you’re gathering the signature booklet. “This should cover it,” He says, handing you the money. 

You pocket it. “Thanks a lot, Namjoon. If you can just sign this, that’ll be great.” 

He takes the pen from you, signing on the dotted line. “Well, Y/N, it was good to see you again.” He says as he leads you back towards the front door of his house. “I’m assuming Yoongi will come by the shop tomorrow to pick up the notebook?” 

You pick up the broom from the porch. “Most likely. I doubt he can handle another day without it.” 

“Sounds like a date,” Namjoon says, walking you to the sidewalk outside of his house. There’s a teasing curve to his voice as you situate yourself on the broom. It’s a good natured noise, one that is still present in the air as you turn back to look at Namjoon. Maybe you would ask what he meant by that, if he had known Yoongi said the same thing. However, by the time you turn to look at Namjoon, the man is already making his way back to his house. Effectively ending the conversation

You turn back and float towards the sky once more. 

“Namjoon said what Yoongi said earlier,” Tobio notes in your ear once the pair of you reach a suitable height to cruise back home. “What do you think that means?” 

You sigh. “I don’t know, Tobio,” You say. The weight of the note in your dress pocket feels like it’s expanding, drawing your attention more and more to what could possibly be on that note the longer you’re in the sky. For a moment, you think maybe the note had been from Namjoon—but it takes less than a second to debunk that thought. You’ve seen Yoongi’s handwriting for years. It was definitely his note to you. But what could it be? 

You don’t say anything, you don’t admire the view. You just function on autopilot, directing your broom back over the river and allowing yourself to land outside your house without a thought. From the distance, you can make out Karly having a conversation with a customer, laughter evident in her face as she wraps a bundle of hyacinths. You watch the interaction for a moment, before you make your way around the shop, situating yourself at the side of the building. 

“You’re not gonna go in?” Tobio asks, eying you with a touch of concern and curiosity. “Still thinking about that note? It came from his notebook… maybe he doesn’t want you to read it.” 

You take the note out of your pocket. It’s haphazardly folded, crumbled slightly as if he had rolled the paper into a ball before folding it into the uneven square you see before you. “Probably,” You say, turning it over in your hand. “But why would he even write something like this? If he wanted to tell me something, he could just come over and say it. It’s not like distance is a big problem in our ability to communicate.” 

Tobio licks at his paw. “Maybe it’s something he can’t say to you.” 

“Hm…” You hum, staring at the note, a flash of his penmanship catching your attention. A part of the note that his folding didn’t cover up. There’s a line drawn across the words, but it’s clear what he had written. Coffee shop. 

Your narrow your eyes, fingers moving to unfold the note without a second thought. What kind of note would include your name and the mention of a coffee shop?

It’s a whole page, written like a letter. Your name is written at the top, messy flowers and stars doodled around the scribble. 

A few verses of something are written directly underneath your name. 

I’d touch the sky and cross the field, if you were waiting on the other side 

A line is crossed through it. 

You make me feel like I am everything/Teaching me to be the universe/Drawing me the stars and galaxies beyond/All along the palm of my hand

Another line through the words. 

This is only a field of flowers rippling in the wind/But like morning light like it scatters the night/To make the day worth living

And another, but the line doesn’t erase the imagery that sprouts in your heart. It does not erase the corners of your lips upturning, because as small as these lines are, it feels like a window to Yoongi’s world. To have your name associated with these lines of hope and desire feels overwhelming and comforting at the same time. 

Underneath the words is a letter. Your name. 

I’m writing this in the shop right now. There’s a little bench Karly put down, and I think she’s thinking of starting a little cafe in this spot one day. I hope she does it. There’s something comforting about this place, and I think she knows that. You’re here today too. You aren’t doing deliveries today. Today is Sunday, so that makes sense. I’m glad for days like these, when you aren’t being whisked away on your broomstick, traveling hundreds of miles a day to bring people together and make everyone feel connected. You’re like the sunlight, bringing happiness across the sky, down the river, through the windows. Even just right now, you’re just standing behind the counter radiating. You’re wearing the apron Karly made you wear, with these little flowers embroidered across the front and looking so fucking cute. 

Moments like these realize how important you are to me, and why I keep coming into the shop. I do need to make deliveries, but I do also like seeing your face on the mornings I come in. I’ve always wondered what you would do if I asked you out. I’d take you to a coffee shop and buy you any pastry you want. Anything to light up your eyes. I’d take you on a walk around the city, show you the world from my perspective. And maybe we’d be able to see the world from your perspective. These are daydreams I have, and every single one I conjure up of the two of us are very important to me. I don’t think I would ever have the courage to share those hopes with you. For now, I like the talks we have when I come in. I like the talks we have when you drop by. I like you. I want these things to happen, as I have ever since I met you. 

If I can muster up the courage to ask you out one day. 

You don’t realize that you’re in a trance, staring at the letter, smiling to yourself, until you hear the bell ring from the shop. You snap out of it, folding the paper back together just as you watch that same customer from earlier leave. As soon as the customer is on the sidewalk, you make your own way up the pathway and enter the shop. The bell rings overhead. 

Karly is at the counter, arranging a bouquet—an explosion of purples and pinks. “Oh hey!” She greets upon seeing you. “I didn’t see you land. How was your delivery?” 

You smile. “We’ll see tomorrow.” 

.

The shop opens to a bright sunny morning, and you’re drumming your fingers. The place is empty, as it usually is right at opening. This is expected. What is unexpected is how anxious you feel about what is supposed to be happening later today. How much later, you aren’t sure. Maybe that’s why you’re so nervous about the ordeal. 

“Your boyfriend will show up eventually,” Karly butts in, currently situated in the middle of the store with her own personal broom in hand. She’s dusting the floor. “He did say it was a date, after all.” 

You flinch, blinking out of your trance. “I’m not waiting for Yoongi. And just because he said it was a date doesn’t mean anything.” 

Karly’s lips twist up. “I never mentioned a name.” 

Your eyes widen, flush immediately coating your cheeks. You pout, looking back towards the door. “Shut up.” 

Karly’s giggling is the only thing that is heard for a little bit, until you catch sight of the familiar figure making his way up the pathway towards the shop. The way you straighten up and fix your hair happens much quicker than you are willing to admit. 

“Morning, Yoongi,” You greet as Yoongi enters the shop, white t-shirt and denim jeans and an undercut that makes you want to cry. How could someone look so pretty? “Nice haircut.” 

He stills at that, rubbing the back of his head as if he hadn’t expected you to notice. “T-Thanks,” He stammers, making his way towards you. “You look nice too,” He says, gesturing vaguely to the bow you’ve put at the top of your head. “Your hairpiece looks cute.” 

You flush deeper. You had forgotten you put it on. It came with the box of bonsai trees that came in this morning. “Thank you,” You say, choosing to dig around underneath the counter to find what you had been preparing to give over since yesterday. “Your notebook.” You produce the thing, gently sliding it over to him. “In wonderful condition. Namjoon took good care of it.” 

Yoongi takes the notebook, looking pleased with himself. “Nah, I think the credit goes more to you.” He smiles, eyes taking in your appearance once more. 

You shrug. “Just… doing my job, Min Yoongi. I’ll see you around?” 

He hesitates at that, looking like he wants to say something. Your heart skips a beat. He, however, just returns back to his shy smile. “Of course. See you around.” He turns around, making his way back towards the door. 

You almost bite your own tongue, almost keep your words to yourself. The paper weighs like a lead in your dress pocket. 

“Min Yoongi!” You call. 

He stops, whirling around. “Yes?” 

You take in a breath, looking at Karly, looking at Tobio. For two different creatures, they both wear a similar expression of exasperation, of urge, of encouragement. Swallowing, you reach into the pocket of your dress and produce the folded slip of paper. You hold it up. “Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?” 

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

A few comments on the ending of Baghdad Waltz (and story craft in general, I guess)

Perhaps it goes without saying, but SPOILERS ahead. I’ll be posting answers to asks on BW later today as well. 

A few readers, some of them very faithful long-haul readers, are understandably upset that BW did not end the way that I originally predicted - and intended - that it would.

In an Ao3 comment thread on the subject of my previously advertising a happy ending for BW (i.e., an ending where the characters end up together), an anon on Ao3 recently posted this:

First of all, if I had that kind of super long game strategic foresight to cook up and nurture this kind of devious bait-and-switch plan over the course of several years, I would have used that power for good to have every scene and every convolution of character fully developed from the very start. And although this slow burn “bait-and-switch” hypothesis is a perversely flattering one, I’m really not that clever. Or that mean-spirited. I came into this story with an idea of where I wanted it to go and sprinted off the starting blocks with it. This is most certainly “shame on me,” in hindsight, and a product of under-developed skill in story planning and character construction.

I’m not a professional writer by any stretch of imagination. This is a hobby (albeit an obsessive one) that I am constantly working to improve my abilities in. I started writing fanfic because I figured Ao3 is a pretty safe (??) place to do this, since people post works of fiction with wide ranging degrees of skill in an immense marketplace of readers. But I have zero formal training in fiction writing. I grudgingly took my two mandatory English classes in college and then fucked off to do other things I enjoyed more. So that means that I’ve had to learn fiction writing through trial and error in real time. BW is the second work of fiction I’ve written in my adult life (and I am not particularly young, at the moment). And so part of writing this has been learning about outlining and plotting and character development and yes, endings. Not learning to write the best “gotcha” ending but the best ending for the story that’s been written.

Upon deep reflection, I think my greatest fault here was one of skill, not a deficit in character as a human being. When I started planning this story in 2016, I did not have a well-evolved ability to develop my characters to the level that would later be required, nor to predict and plan for every twist of the plot based on the psychological, historical, and behavioral composition of these characters. My first fic, which was also my first novel-length work of fiction ever, went quite smoothly and almost entirely as originally planned, perhaps because it was canon-compliant/adjacent versus being a free-standing AU with no rules or bounds.

So, on one hand, I really am sorry for just not having the necessary skills at the time to wrangle a story of this magnitude from the start (not that I had any sense at all that it would grow to this magnitude). But also... this is just part of the process of learning how to write. In addition, I was simultaneously learning how to navigate the sometimes treacherous culture of fandom, which I was not expecting to be the challenge that it has been. Thus, I didn’t have the foresight to be protective of the possibility that my originally intended ending could change, resulting in assurances to readers in a good faith effort to assuage anxiety about the ultimate course of the story. (It’s also a notable failure of imagination on my part to not potentially envision an ending that breaks from a traditional Stucky “End of the Line” mould.)

On a similar note, when I say that I love and care about my readers, this is not lip service. It is sincerity. I have engaged in this entire endeavor with honest intentions every step of the way. I’m not a devious mastermind who orchestrates the emotional disruption of my readers for fun, particularly not through acts of deceit. I think I’m capable of creating emotionally powerful work without resorting to trickery. 

But I also approach my characters with the same sincerity and intent to do right by them, using a steadfast dedication to realism as my guide. This lead to a frankly horrible realization that the ending I first planned and wanted so badly for them was just not going to be plausible, given who they became and how this relationship evolved. If you’re not a writer, especially not a writer of the extreme long form WIP, maybe it’s difficult to appreciate how characters can take on a life of their own in their psychological construction and development, but this has been exactly my experience. That’s why, for a very long time, I had no idea that this particular ending would be where the story would ultimately go, despite my most sincere efforts at planning with the capabilities I had in each moment.

My compromise for these archival comments mentioning a traditional Stucky happy ending has been to add a note at the beginning warnings of BW to not invest too strongly in plot-related comments, since going back through 3,200+ comments (plus blog posts) and editing them is not only impossible (I actually cannot edit some of my old Ao3 comments, for some reason) but would also require erasing reader comments and entire conversations with people. This doesn’t feel right to me. And I’m not going to add spoiler ending tags. I personally won’t read a fic if the ending is tagged, because I don’t want to be spoiled, and I want to preserve this for other readers in the future.

I am opting to trust from here forward that my comprehensive first chapter warnings about intense realism in all respects (including relational) will be broad enough to cover the potential for this ending, which is also amply foreshadowed as a possibility within the text itself. If future readers specifically want a HEA in their stories, I trust them to seek out the countless fics like this within the “HEA” or “___ with a happy ending” tags on Ao3. 

EDIT: I’ve added the tag “Bittersweet ending,” in addition to creating some more expectation-adjusting language to my chapter one warnings about the story. I think this is a decent compromise to spoiling the ending specifically with something like a “breakup” tag.

So for those of you I hurt by not having a greater grasp of writing craft, I truly am sorry. My intention was never for one moment to be deceptive. I have taken these lessons to heart in the planning of my next story, which has almost every single scene already plotted until the very end. In fact, I’ve written backwards from the ending to ensure a smoother course. I have also done a tremendous amount of work on character development at the outset in an effort not have my characters run away from me and drag the story with them in unplanned ways.

Unfortunately, I can’t change what has already happened; I can only do my best to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. To those of you who have forgiven my immaturity as a writer and accepted where this living, breathing WIP ultimately ended up, I’m extremely grateful for your flexibility.

[pndglcs]

About your The King n the Sorcerer-AU: It looks very pretty, but the way you have described it puts a rather big power inbalance between them. Does Antonio eventually begin to work towards making magic legal again?Does he prove that Arthur doesn't need to fear being hunted and/or executed if he for any reason would choose to leave in the future, or will Arthur still always be FORCED to stay out of fear Antonio might kill him if he doesn't? Just curious about how you imagine the AU will go. :)

thank you for your interest towards my au!

yes, there's obviously still a big plot-hole because what i had written in my previous post was briefly a rough idea, it's still a raw summary. of course i would profoundly explore and develop the story line itself and do more research.

Does he prove that Arthur doesn't need to fear being hunted and/or executed if he for any reason would choose to leave in the future, or will Arthur still always be FORCED to stay out of fear Antonio might kill him if he doesn't?

at the beginning, antonio had his own motive of why he did force arthur to come with him. first was because he thought he owed arthur his life so he didn’t punish him like what his kingdom had previously done to the other sorcerers, second was that he thought arthur would be useful for him in the future. out of his arrogance, he wanted arthur to thank him.

i have always interpreted that antonio has a somewhat sly characterisation as one of his personality's dark side in the canon itself. so is he in this verse. he dragged arthur in a situation which arthur would think they mutually indebted on each other; arthur saved antonio and antonio helped arthur (from being exposed, captured, executed). let’s just say they both made an agreement regarding this and at first, their relationship was constructed by their agreement. if one betrayed another, he would certainly face death. and since arthur had always felt inferior because of his status comparing to antonio, he had no choice but to agree with the king, albeit still questioned himself whether he should trust him or no. so did antonio who, in reality, doubted his choice to trust the young warlock. who knew he would also betray him someday? their relationship, at first, was encountered with mutual suspicion and fear but they just let it go(?)

so yes, they gradually developed trust towards each other with the time they had spent together, which resulting arthur no longer stayed out of fear antonio might betray him and vice versa. antonio did manage to keep his promise and that was one of arthur’s reasons to stay loyal and served him, especially when antonio bestowed him a knight title.

within the passed times, antonio finally changed his view from “i will just keep this kid because he might be useful for me if i pressure him with threats” to “i fully have faith in him. what should i do now?” and maintained a genuine concern towards him.

Does Antonio eventually begin to work towards making magic legal again?

i’m not sure because i haven’t decided any idea about this yet. true that he trusted arthur, but he couldn’t do the same with other kinds out there. arthur had no place to persuade him on legalising magic again.

and about power balance:

true that arthur’s magic was powerful. he could just blow antonio in a second if he wanted. nonetheless he was a naive young man and he had so much considerations regarding risks he would take if he did reckless move. he knew his position was on the weaker side comparing to antonio who was the ruler of a kingdom where arthur lived in. he had strong magic but sometimes he didn’t know how to control it. he needed a proper train. he was really that inferior and he had doubts on himself and that was what made him seemed to be much, much weaker than antonio whilst in reality, he wasn’t.

he was good in combat, that was why antonio let him be taught swordsmanship to get him stronger, which later antonio regretted because deep down his heart, he was afraid of arthur too. he knew very well that arthur was strong, he helped him won many times in battlefields. so antonio covered his fear with his position’s power. he did it dirty because he power-abused arthur at the beginning. (however, this finally changed as time went by and they managed to manifest mutual trust)

i hope this can clear everything up and answer your curiosity. sorry if i didn’t provide you enough because this is still an on-going ideas. which ... i have to stir my brain up again to answer every plot-hole hahaha

[howtodrawyourdragon]

Nothing Like Bonding During A Storm

Summary: In a modern world, Toothless has trouble adjusting to the surface world. Fortunately, he knows he can always count on Hiccup, even when nature's extremes bring down her wrath on the world.

Rating: General

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless

Words: 3 075

Author’s Notes:

That moment when you finish and post a one-shot about an AU that's been developing since February before finishing the actual main fic.

Anyway, I've been watching a lot of videos on YouTube about tornadoes and I find them very fascinating to look at. I often find myself wondering "how do people deal with possible natural disasters in a world that has ended" and this came to mind.

This is basically just dipping my toe in a concept with countless of possibilities and I will probably return to it later to explore it some more.

I have barely slept the past two days, I hope it doesn't show in this one-shot. It doesn't feel as exciting as I want it to be.

Also, hopefully I can finally get the main fic over and done with instead of daydreaming about it. I literally have another finished one-shot of this AU that I haven't posted yet.

Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Enjoy!

Ao3

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Hiccup muses that today is simply the culmination of his hubris. His natural and unrestrained curiosity, his want to travel, his workaholic tendencies, having a best bud for a dragon who would love to explore this new surface world with him... All of this was bound to come back to bite him in the ass someday and today is that day.

Flying way, way out West in the hopes of finding more human settlements that wished to regain contact with others, Hiccup and Toothless find themselves far away from home.

Though his father was initially against it, his plan on returning the vast network of communication that mankind once had before it was taken from them turned out to be a fruitful one and that is the only reason why Stoick ever agreed on letting Hiccup stray even farther away from home.

He still isn't quite so keen on letting his son out of his sight, even after all these years.

So far this country has been just as empty as he already figured it would be before they left Berk. It's been days since he and Toothless arrived and they have yet to find a single remaining human settlement.

Plenty of birds, critters, and other local wildlife, but no humans.

Not that they have managed to explore much. They have found an abandoned town close to a beach and spend a little while combing through it, but once it became clear that it was empty, they moved on.

But finding no human life on this mission to do just that will have to wait. There is a matter far, far more urgent that needed their attention.

High up in the sky, Toothless rumbles his concern to his Rider. Hiccup is already looking in the same direction he is, the map in his hands temporarily forgotten.

"I know, Bud. I'm keeping an eye on it, too." He tells him and it's as if the dragon understands, relaxing just a tad bit with the knowledge that Hiccup is aware of it, too.

In and around the Northern island of Berk, extreme weather isn't something Hiccup is unfamiliar with. The Winters could get so cold, especially during the weeks that he and his people nicknamed "Devastating Winter". A fitting name for the below-freezing temperatures and the blizzards that buried their houses annually.

Many people from different countries have called them stupid for continuing to live here, but then, they are descendants of the Vikings that once lived there. So maybe their problem isn't so much stupidity as it is pure stubbornness.

And with climate changing, though it has most likely slowed down since the year everything went wrong, the temperatures during Winter are even colder than they used to be when Hiccup was a child. And the Summers so much warmer.

On the North Sea, you can expect the occasional waterspout as well. But so long as it didn't come on land, it wasn't too much of a threat, not too much. For the island's inhabitants, that is.

But the clouds Hiccup and Toothless see swirling are a little too threatening for their comfort.

They are dark, appearing to be stacked on top of one another to create an uneven tower as wide as it is tall with a thick saucer-like shape at the base. The clouds that make up each level appear restless, opposite from their usually fluffy nature.

Above them and the flying duo lies a dark, ominous blanket that stretches for miles. There is a strong wind, conflicting up and downdrafts fighting for dominance, and they make the clouds and column dance and swirl. There is a downpour of rain and hail beneath as well. It makes the area underneath it seem foggy.

Their appearance makes Hiccup's heart swell in awe-inspiring trepidation and he has to swallow as his mouth feels dry. Meanwhile, Toothless looks on in fear.

He still hasn't had much experience with the surface's weather. The sight of this dark sky makes him feel like his heart is about to burst right out of his chest.

Hiccup hasn't forgotten, of course. He knows his Bud is completely inexperienced and relies on his Rider to know what is best.

Thankfully, always having been quite fascinated by things that could potentially kill him ever since he was young, Hiccup has done his fair share of research on certain weather phenomena. Much like Fishlegs and his interest in geology and mineralogy.

What Hiccup is staring at right now, it could possibly be called a mesocyclone.

There is a supercell inside that thing and the winds around them are getting harder to fight.

Lightning weaves its way through the clouds for miles. There are multiple strikes and they follow each other closely, speaking volumes of the storm's electrical strength. The thunder is a good indication of how close Dragon and Rider are, too. It is deafening.

Mindful of the metal holding Toothless' prosthetic together, Hiccup decides it is wise to land.

Folding the map in his hands up and pulling his backpack to his front to stuff it away, Hiccup then continues to look at the world below them.

There is plenty of space to land, lots of open fields for miles around them. But with how close those clouds are, Hiccup would feel better if there is a shelter or something they can hide in. Preferably a storm shelter just in case that supercell had a particular surprise in store for them today.

"Down there, Bud! Let's land and see if we can ride it out there." Hiccup tells his Night Fury when he spots two buildings on the ground with a fence all around the perimeter. An abandoned machine stands in the middle of an overgrown cornfield. It looks to be a farm.

Right at that moment, the downpour catches up and soaks them both in seconds and the winds grow even fiercer. Quickly after, hail that grows to be almost the size of the palm of his hand.

Toothless lets out a panicked yell, startled by the sudden shower.

"I know, Bud, I know! Set down near that farmhouse! Those wooden houses over there!" His Rider points them out to him and he folds his wings for a quick dive. While holding onto the saddle, Hiccup attempts to shield his dragon's eyes from the hail.

They land on the dirt road before the home that is swiftly becoming muddy beneath their feet. Toothless wastes little time to jump underneath the roofed porch, escaping the rainfall. Hiccup dismounts, pats his dragon on the neck, and goes to work on finding that storm shelter.

Sunlight teases them from the edges of the miles of clouds, but it is much too risky to try and escape this storm. Not with the speeds at which this supercell is traveling and certainly not with winds so strong possibly dislocating wings as wide as Toothless'.

Leaving the restless dragon on the porch, Hiccup runs down the steps and back out into the downpour, his prosthetic slipping in the mud. His hair and his clothes already stick to his skin.

One look told him the entrance to their salvation wasn't there under the porch. But on farmland miles away from the nearest city and closest hospital and with weather like this not being completely uncommon, there has to be shelter around here somewhere

Running around to the side of the house, it isn't long before Hiccup finds a set of slanted metal doors leading to a concrete room underneath the home where the basement should be. Approaching it and finding it without a padlock, Hiccup opens both doors and finds a stone stairway down into darkness. It's a storm shelter.

The hinges of the two doors rattle slightly with the wind and that worries him, but this place will have to do. No use taking to the skies now.

Something spooks Toothless and he calls out to his Rider. In the rain, thunder, and the hail, Hiccup can only just hear him and he turns around, shielding himself from the large chunks of frozen water, to find a sight that makes him stumble. His eyes would've widened in wonder if the rain didn't make it too difficult to see.

At the base of the mesocyclone, the rapidly whirling clouds have formed a greyish funnel-like shape that reaches for the earth. Witnessing the birth of what could possibly turn into a tornado, one of nature's most dangerous phenomena, is truly astonishing and Hiccup can hardly put his feelings into words. Such a library of languages at his disposal and not one word can describe them.

It is fast, too, much faster than he previously anticipated, and the girth is quickly gaining width as well.

But enough staring in wonder at nature's lethal beauty, Hiccup can tell that Toothless worries. That Night Fury has never seen anything like this before and is rightfully freaking out.

But what he can't tell and Hiccup can, is that the swirling of dirt and debris on the ground means that the tornado has already touched down and the funnel simply needs to follow to make its conception complete.

Hiccup also realizes, much too his growing discomfort, that it is much closer than he originally thought.

"Come on, Bud!" Toothless doesn't need to be told twice and he comes with a leap. Looking down into the shelter, he gives Hiccup a skeptical look.

"Hey, I may be an idiot, but humans know how to build things." Hiccup tells him, shouts at him over the growing noise all around them, though he worries whether his dragon will actually fit.

"This will keep us safe, Bud, trust me." He places a hand on Toothless' head, scratches him behind his earfin. The rain is pouring, the hail is falling, and his heart pumps blood through his veins with great speed, but Hiccup still smiles as if aerial wrath isn't about to descend upon them.

Where he gets that kind of bravery, Toothless honestly doesn't know.

Reassured by his Rider's calm demeanor, Toothless finds it in himself to descend into the near pitch-black shelter. The pouring rain stops for him.

Toothless fits and Hiccup feels comforted by this. It is without a doubt not spacious down there, but at least they won't have to face a storm that size.

Speaking of which, he turns to face the monstrous clouds behind him and his breath is taken away.

There is something gorgeous about the display he sees before him.

The funnel now connects the earth and the sky. The clouds are dark, but still, the tornado contrasts greatly against the grey background. The rain doesn't hide its deadly beauty and its enormous size makes him feels insignificant and small. More so than even Toothless had upon their first meeting.

If he'd been born and raised in this country, he probably would've become a storm chaser, of that Hiccup is sure. If life hadn't been turned upside down on a global scale.

Sounding almost like a human groaning in annoyance, Toothless briefly leaves the shelter to grab Hiccup by the shirt and pull him down the stairs.

"Yep! I'm coming! I'm coming!" Snapping out of the trance that will probably kill him someday, Hiccup follows.

Why must the human be so attracted to things that are lethal him? Are all humans like this or just his? He knows Astrid is a lot more careful than Hiccup.

"Toothless, can you find the light switch? I've shown you what they look like, right?" Hiccup asks as he struggles to close the metal doors. The wind has picked up and dirt is starting to fly up outside. The neglected fields are being flattened and by now the rotting fence in view is knocked down. Debris is approaching and before long the tornado itself will be there.

Two trees are uprooted just as Hiccup manages to hold them close and he fights the urge to figure out the EF ranking of this specimen.

The light flickers on and Hiccup finds the latch to keep the entrance closed. Once again he is grabbed by the back of his shirt and he lets Toothless pull him further down. He is in a hurry to get Hiccup with him.

There are many dusty shelves down here, but besides cobwebs and the occasional spider, they are already empty. Plundered empty, most likely. Or the family that lived here, took everything and left. Either way, there isn't much room for something the size of a Night Fury.

Toothless lies curled up with Hiccup in the middle and still he can only move so much.

The roaring of the storm outside grows and grows and the doors aren't quite enough to keep it out. The house above them begins to creak and groan as the unforgiving winds beat it mercilessly.

Despite his size and his lethal nature, Toothless shrinks underneath the unfamiliar noise that sounds so much louder in his sensitive ears. He's never been through a storm this size before. And while Hiccup hasn't either, he at least knows and understands what is currently raging right above them, tearing apart everything in its path.

"Shh, it's okay." Hiccup kneels beside him, pulse just slowing down.

The dragon's instincts are screaming at him to get out and flee, his fear is almost suffocating. All that grounds him now is his human's presence. In the still short time that they've known each other, Hiccup has already proven himself to be far braver than Toothless can ever call himself, though his Rider would disagree. He trusts his judgment.

The house above them gives in beneath the endless abuse and is loudly ripped from its foundation. It is proof of the twister's power.

The dragon yells in Hiccup's face as if he even needs to be told and the human pulls his head onto his lap and embraces it.

He can't imagine how scary this must be for him. Before the surface world, Toothless didn't even know what rain was. So extreme weather like this was like a nightmare come to life.

Wrapping his forelegs around his Rider, Toothless finds solace with him.

The two don't know which is louder. The thunder booming above them or the roaring of the twister that, by all likelihood, is leveling everything above them.

Hiccup attempts to cover his Bud's ears. His own eardrums feel like they are about to burst.

This couldn't have lasted for more then a couple of seconds with the wind speeds this storm travels with, maybe a minute or two at most, but it felt like an eternity. Toothless' grip on his Rider tightens.

And then it passes.

The roaring leaves them, the explosive thundering moves on. Gradually, careful silence returns.

Their ears continue to drum for a little while longer.

Toothless moves to look up to Hiccup to see what the knowledgeable human thinks, but Hiccup shakes his head and pulls him back down.

They wait for at least an hour just to be sure.

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Toothless is close to napping when his Rider moves. Letting go, he raises his head to watch Hiccup rise awkwardly on his prosthetic.

He doesn't say a word as he climbs the stairs and out of Toothless' sight. The grating noise of metal sliding against metal reaches his ears and light comes shining down into the shelter.

Hiccup returns soon after with a smile.

"Come on out, Bud. It's safe now." He tells him and Toothless once again doesn't need to be told twice.

The air outside is relieving and welcomes the dragon as he ascends the stairs and exits the shelter. It is humid and a little chilly. Toothless takes a deep sniff and still smells the rain.

The tornado is gone and the wind has calmed. The once quaint farmland, though abandoned, is in ruins all around them. The long grass of the fields and the weeds lie flat against the ground, there is corn all around them, and trees are torn in two or entirely uprooted. Half of the barn has collapsed, but the house has been mostly leveled. Nearby lie the crushed remains of a metal contraption that humans call a car.

Turning his head, in the far distance, Toothless spots the dark tower and lightning is still striking. The thunder isn't as loud now.

But Hiccup isn't looking at the carnage. Hands on his hips, he is staring up at the sky.

Coming to stand next to him, Toothless follows his example.

The clouds above them, now tinted a lovely orange, are strangely shaped now. There is an entire blanket of them separating the earth and the sky above it. There are rows and rows of fluffy pouches that reflects the light of the sun beautifully.

He can see why Hiccup would smile at the sight. And in an area as abandoned as this, no human or dragon life was lost that they know of, so they can only bask in the moment.

"Glad we got that tornado warning, huh, Bud? The movies never said that we still needed to deal with natural disasters. Ah well, the joys of a post-apocalyptic world, I guess." Toothless doesn't know what his Rider is talking about, probably something he used to know from the time before their worlds met.

Hiccup kicks a nearby wooden board away and removes his backpack to check its contents. There are some things in there that can't get wet. Fortunately, it is a good backpack and everything inside it is still dry. He briefly ponders his raincoat, but leaves it. His plaid shirt and the one beneath it are already wet, no use pulling it out now.

But they were lucky, that is for sure. They are probably bruised, to be sure, but that the hail didn't hit them in the head, or the eyes in Toothless' case, is nothing short of a miracle. And to come upon this abandoned land with a storm shelter when they needed it most... If people still lived here then he and Toothless would have been forced to brave the storm.

Though they can still see flashes of lightning in the clouds in the far distance, the storm is dying. And with the sun setting in the horizon, Hiccup figures it is probably wise to find a nice spot to spend the night. Somewhere far away, where he would be certain they will be safe.

[magicianapprenticelyra]

Q: ✨ If your OC were a deity of some kind, what would they represent? What do they look like? How are they worshiped and what offerings would they expect? What are their places of worship like? Their followers? Their teachings?

@vesuvianoak sent in this ask, and then helped that ask helped to get the ball rolling on the following.

Lyra, as a Goddess, would be known with the following epithets:

The Great Librarian; The Patron Goddess of Literature and Folktales; Our Weeping Lady of Ink; Patroness of Crossroads, Storytellers and Difficult Paths; The Ink Lobber; Guardian of Written Works; Exalter of Spoken Words; The Humble Archivist of the Muses

Traditional Warning/Cautionary Rhyme: "Be aware of the Great Librarian's tastes, for if you should violate them and are a writer there is no other curse so great.”

What she represents: Think of her as the librarian of the pantheon she’s situated in. Most myths are claimed to have been recorded by her, and then sent down into the minds of her oracles and/or great storytellers elsewhere. Differing retellings of all the myths, tales and legends are an often occurrence. No one story is a wrong story in the public; it just depends on the tastes of the region and the times they crop up in.

Depictions: With her statues, Lyra is dressed elegantly in either áo dài-like attire, or the region’s simpler day-to-day attire.

Her statues would be carved from obsidian, having silver plating or having silver-esque paint over and/or around her eye(lid)s. Her eyes themselves are either opened or closed, depending on what the artists are depicting her doing. In one of her hands is a stack of parchment, with lines of text. In her other hand is a book or a sort of writing tool [be it a stick of charcoal, a pen, or an inkwell with a feathered quill coming out of it]

Her motifs in more tragic tales typically show her face dripping silver ink and/or paint coming from her eyes or from the bottom of her eyelids. 

How She’s Paid Respects: In each region there is only one ‘big’ temple dedicated to her. All the regions argue where which of their locations came first, but somehow all the buildings were erected at about the same time.

If a place of worship is not within those temples, if depicting her in statuette form, they can be no bigger than the standard size of a person. Any massive monuments dedicated to her, outside of the one temple dedicated to her in each region, have always come across bad luck. Examples include walls shattering to pieces in the initial stages of construction, the land intended for use eventually becoming unsuitable to place a foundation on, ink on construction plans becoming illegible or the charcoal getting smeared, and so on.

Have you ever seen the Little Libraries people make? It’s like a birdhouse for books on their front lawns or in front of several different locations? A take a book, leave a book situation? That can be a little altar or a way to pay tribute to her. She is big on literacy (especially in modern times), after all.

Rule of thumb: she prefers small monuments, or a small place on people’s personal altars. Mini statuettes of her are popular among literary students to have on their desks as they write.

Types of Offerings: They can be dollops of ink on some parchment {so long as said parchment isn’t too ratty/been previously scribbled on before, it is fine}, personally decorated bookmarks, stamps… basically most stationary artfully created in her honor is enough of a tribute. Several of the temples dedicated to her have a whole floor dedicated to displaying all sorts of offerings.

If you're feeling truly brave, slip some book suggestions into a ceremonial pyre in her honor. If she really likes the suggestion, one will be blessed with either literary creativity or you may stumble upon a tale/book/story that will stick with you for the rest of your life. If she doesn't but is thankful for the suggestion, a book or a spoken tale will nudge you to another story within your preferred genre(s). If she is displeased, all your ink will get everywhere you don’t want it to be. How bad the ink will stain varies, as well as how long.

[Someone sent her something of a poor draft of an extremely graphic erotica once. The offerer was cursed for about a year with ink stains on EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE INCONVENIENT.]

Basically, don't send her porn. Don't make any art of her in the erotic lenses either.

Additionally, if any attempts are made to do so with the myths she is said to have had relationships with people and/or celestial entities it'll disappear eventually in some way, somehow.

Offerings by children are always accepted. Seriously, if there is such a thing as a refrigerator on the celestial planes, she's got oodles of doors full of all the drawings kids have done for her.

Her Followers: Lyra is one of the few among the pantheon she is a part of that isn’t exactly an organized religion [I am not so sure about how religions focused on a deity within a pantheon works overall, but she’s more of a celestial entity than an actual religious figure(?)]. Still, at each temple, there is a Head Oracle that orates many of her stories. Their subordinates are typically librarians-in training or are experts in various literary genres within the region. They don't have to be explicit followers of her, but having the love of stories, treasuring them, and keeping them safe is just a few of the mandates in paying her due respect.

What Angers Her/What Manifests in Her Rage On the Physical Plane

Book burnings are what incite her wrath the most; seriously don't do it unless you really want her to make an appearance with divine fury. Any ink in the vicinity becomes more acrid and chemical and will come to a dangerous boil. The boiling ink eventually gives way to exploding and doing some serious damage to people.

One written record of an organizer orchestrating a book burning years ago states that they gained boils not long after committing the heinous act. The pus that was embedded under their skin somehow also contained hardened, sharp flecks of ink mixed in as well. They died a painful death from the infections.

Do not disrespect a book. Even if you heavily disagree with the contents within the book itself, do not disrespect it. There have been stories of the books coming to life and chasing the culprit until they apologize to the book in question.

The longest any person got without apologizing to the offended text went across three continents; the book had worn itself out by then. The criminal thought they were safe, until they got paid a visit from the goddess herself in their dreams.

When they woke up they were covered in inky burns roughly in the shape of the base of their inkwell. They had to pay a penance in the nearest temple in her honor for about seven years until the burns went away.

Oddly enough she does not mind if you annotate in books or dog-ear the pages.

This is as much as my brain can handle with this AU at the moment. If you wanna know more, just send some asks! :D

(thank you @fire-fira for the cautionary rhyme in the beginning of the post, @sunrisenfool of the addendum to the epithet after Our Weeping Lady of Ink, and to all the people across a number of discord servers that helped me to put all this together. Thanks so much you guys!)

[eat0crow]

Chase the Wind

Hello all!! This was written for day four of the Movie Week AU’s event hosted by @lukacouffaineappreciationmonth .  My ETERNAL gratitude to my lovely co-mother @nottesilhouette for betaing this. She takes my writing and makes it soo shiny! ___________________

“Okay, don’t freak out,” Marinette says from her place beside the massive red and black speckled nadder. 

“Oh my gods, oh my fucking gods,” Luka breathes, stumbling back against the rock wall he had just snuck through.

Marinette takes a step toward him and raises her hands in a placating gesture. “I said don’t freak out.”

“I’m not freaking out.” The words fall flat as they leave his mouth and he can hear the edge of hysteria creeping in.

Apparently, the dragon must be able to hear his impending breakdown as well because it lets out a low hiss, narrows its eyes, and goes to move forward. Marinette extends one arm out in front placing it on the nadder’s head and halting its progression toward Luka. It bucks and chirps, and thankfully stays back.

 “Luka.” Marinette’s voice is lost somewhere in the sea of self-denial Luka is liberally trying to pour over his brain because there is no way, none whatsoever that Marinette has really been hiding a dragon just a few miles away from the village this whole time.

Marinette is a lot of things and subtle is not one of them.

“Really, I’m good.” He stands up a bit straighter, dusts his pants off and takes a singular step forward. “I’m very firmly not freaking out.”

He reaches out to Marinette but drops his hand quickly back to his when the dragon lets out an ear-splitting roar, ducking around Marinette’s outstretched hand and rushing forward with its head lowered to the ground and spikes furled up.

He has never been happier for Marinette’s quick reflexes because she is nose to nose with him in less than a second, throwing her arms out behind her and holding the irritated creature back. For all that the dragon is still thrashing and wild, it doesn’t cross the barrier Marinette has created with her body. Instead, it raises its head again and screams with all its might. The writhing is short lived and subsides a bit as the dragon relaxes back behind Marinette, its spikes still clearly on display.

Luka stumbles back once again and presses against the wall trying to make himself smaller in the vain hope that the dragon who clearly is not his biggest fan will let him leave and live to see another day. “Yup, this is fine. Perfectly fine!” He winces at the way his voice cracks and pitches high at the end.

“Luka!” Marinette’s voice breaks the carefully constructed paper wall that has previously been holding back the panic Luka is very firmly trying to avoid.

“Okay, I’m freaking out. Kill me, Marinette, but there’s a fucking dragon behind you, come on!”

“You shouldn’t have followed me.” Marinette has a point. He really shouldn’t have invaded her privacy and followed after her without her knowledge.

But Marinette has been disappearing from the village for months now and what was previously just being written off as another one of her strange quirks was now raising eyebrows. People were starting to talk especially as winter drew ever closer and her absences not showing any signs of slowing down.     

Several rumors have already been spreading around the village. It didn’t take anyone especially clever to hear them and after his first time stumbling into a conversation about his best friend, Luka has made a point to listen. He’s heard any number of different tales at this point. And while the majority of them are harmless, the most popular being speculations of a hidden romance, there are those that will be dangerous if left unchecked. 

His name has cropped up a number of times amongst various circles and is far from the only one. Felix and Adrien are both popular contenders. Kagami’s name has even been mentioned once in dark whispers and disapproving tones. Luka’s heart always feels a sharp jagged pang go through it whenever he happens to overhear such talk.

Because he would like to think that Marinette has been his friend long enough to realize that he would support her in anything regardless of who she chose. His friendship isn’t conditional. No matter what her decision is, he would stand by her side in support. 

“Oh, well, forgive me for worrying about you,” Luka says and his voice is loud and angry and upset. He has been worrying for so long, months, and to be denied the right feels like a punch to the stomach.

Marinette is just as angry and she all but spits, “What did you expect to find when you followed me?!” 

“Not fucking this, that’s for sure,” he says, as he gestures vaguely in front of him. Toward Marinette and the dragon. Toward the entire mess they have found themselves in. At this point he isn’t picky. “I thought you were hiding like a secret boyfriend, not a secret dragon.”

A secret relationship was one thing. It was hardly the worst thing he has heard whispered about her, and while he did his best to protect Marinette and has gotten into more fights than she would ever know of over it, he can only do so much.

Lila works unspeakably quickly and efficiently. She has been whispering in the ears of anyone that would listen about how Marinette was courting bad fortune for weeks. She has spun tales of Marinette making deals with witches and inviting hoards of dragons down on them. And while Luka has never been one to put much stock in anything she that comes out of her mouth, the same could not be said for everyone else.

It had been a bad year for them all, dragon raids had been frequent and brutal. Most of the cattle had been carted off and the lakes were already showing signs of running sparse. It promised to be harsh winter with small rations, a winter that the more superstitious amongst them are eager to pin on Marinette.

There are those that whisper of banishment.

Worse yet, there are those that will call for a trail.

And Luka knows that if Lila is given her way, if Marinette is taken before the elders and tried for witchcraft, she will be convicted and banishment will be the last thing she is sentenced with.

“Do you have any idea how dangerous this is,” Luka yells, he’s not referring to the massive reptile behind her but the situation as a whole.

He knows that Marinette has hardly been around the village. He barely sees her outside of her parent’s bakery and can honestly not remember the last time they bumped into each other at the market. With such little time spent interacting with anyone, it’s hardly surprising that Marinette is ignorant of the rumors going around.

“I know what I’m doing!”

Luka has little doubt that Marinette knows what she’s doing with the dragon. It’s plain to see to anyone looking that the nadder trusts her and more than that respects her authority. He has every confidence that between the two of them Marinette is the only one with even a shred of hope of leaving this encounter with all limbs attached.

No, the dragon isn’t what Luka is scared of.

He knows that monsters aren’t the creatures just trying to survive. Real monsters are far more ruthless.

Luka would take his chances entrusting his life to Marinette’s dragon before he would turn his back to Lila.

 “Honestly, Mari, the dragon eating us is the least of our worries,” he sighs.

“Tikki would never,” Marinette huffs, her voice indignant.

“Oh no,” Luka moans and doesn’t even try and resist the urge to bury his face in his hands. “Oh, no.”

“Luka, what’s-.”

 He cuts her off and gives her the blandest look he can muster. “You named it.”

Just like that, all Luka’s hope of the situation magically fixing itself disappears. 

Marinette has a big heart. She always has, and always will. It’s what Luka loves most about her. Nevertheless, he can’t help but wish that it wasn’t big enough to fit an entire dragon. You have to draw the line somewhere, and Luka would like to think it should have been drawn at large predator who can bite you in half without even trying.

Of all Lila’s stories to be true, it just had to be the one that would get them killed for treason.

“And that’s so bad because…” Marinette wonders, her voice trailing off and confusion clouding her eyes.

“Once you name it, you get attached to it. Everyone knows that!”

Hell, Luka still remembers trying to hide Whiskers and his many many relatives when he and Marinette were eight. He thinks some of the offspring are still living in his family’s storeroom. If she’s named it, she’s adopted it and Luka isn’t entirely sure how he feels about a nadder in the family.

No one could convince her to get rid of her pet rats. He highly doubts he could convince her to get rid of her pet dragon.

“People are starting to get suspicious, Mari, we need a plan.” He takes a moment to look into her eyes and strengthen his resolve. This is by far the craziest thing he’s ever done. The craziest thing they have ever done. “If the elders find out, we’ll be lucky to be banished. It’s more than likely we’ll be burned or hung.”

“We?”

“You don’t actually expect me to leave you to deal with this all on your own, do you?”

The smile that lights up Marinette’s face is blinding as she throws herself at him and squeezes for all that she is worth. Luka may be a fool but at least he’s a fool in love. He would do anything, he realizes as he tightens his grip on her and feels Tikki come to sniff his hair, absolutely anything to make her face light up like that.

He would help her hide a hundred pet dragons all to see that smile permanently etched onto her face.

She pushes away a moment later, taking a step back into the dragon’s chest, keeps her hands on his shoulders and holding him at arm’s length. Tikki backs up with her, letting out chirps and coos as she inspects him.

Tikki must find something she likes because she lets out a happy trill and rubs her head against Marinette’s back. Luka has never thought a dragon could be gentle but can hardly find another word to describe her. Marinette doesn’t budge an inch and shows no signs of the horns having hurt her.

“Luka.” Marinette grabs his hand and looks him in the eye. “Do you trust me?”

“With my life.” Luka means it with every ounce of his being.

She nods in acknowledgment, and that one action has more confidence in it than anything Luka has ever seen from Marinette before.

“Luka, I would like you to officially meet Tikki.” Her movements are slow and precise as she carefully places their conjoined hands down onto Tikki’s snout just between her eyes. Luka is hypnotized by the pair of large slitted eyes that stare back into his own and hardly registers Marinette slipping her hand away and angling herself toward the dragon. “Tikki, this is Luka.”

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Ouroboros

Ouroboros is a fitting title for this episode.  Not because it has a snake-creature.  Not because of the symbolism of unity or the cycle of life and death.  No, in the sense that it's such a clear, contained example of how Dabbernatural is eating itself to death through the writers' absolute incompetence at telling a compelling, coherent story.  Or perhaps it’s in the sense of being a never-ending circle of making the same exact mistake over again: Supernatural is the Winchesters' story; making them incompetent fools to highlight your nonentity OCs is always going to read badly to a large portion of your audience.

It starts out okay.  The previously seems really overlong here and I do have to wonder if they think our memories of what’s previously happened are as shit as theirs.  The episode itself, however, begins well enough with a mysterious cold open involving a MotW who has really creepy new powers.  Okay, cool!  

Except instead of actually being hunted by Sam and Dean, literally everybody is along on this fucking hunt. Remember when Sam and Dean were allowed to be competent enough to track and kill a MotW themselves, because the writers knew they were meant to be clever, resourceful, and good at their job?  Best hunters in the world?  LOL. 

Now not only do they have to drag Castiel and Jack along, fucking Rowena has joined the Hunters R Us club.  Like, I love Rowena, but COME ON.  Which doesn't even address how later in the episode, Sam can't even do his own fucking research – they call it out to fucking Maggie!  Then Sam & Dean and Jack & Cas ALL get their asses absolutely handed to them … by some random one off MotW that we're not told any reason to expect has major fighting skills.  Unlike all the things they've beaten which literally did.  COME THE FUCK ON. 

What do the Winchesters actually get to accomplish in this episode of their own goddamn show other than exist onscreen to con us into watching the Dabbernatural Gary Stu drama hour? 

Blah blah blah, interlude of characters reminding us about Dean having Michael in his head interspersed with oh no, poor sad beige woobie still has magic consumption.  [Insert totes concerned hand-wringing here, or don't, because LOL, so over it.]  The most charitable thing I can say about it is that presumably Dean talks to Castiel about the box plan again here because Castiel will actually go through with it, unlike Sam. 

Also, I'm not a vet or any kind of medical professional, but when they needed to get some antivenom, my immediate thought was, “Wait, what kind?”  I figured maybe I was wrong because surely the writers would do the bare minimum of research, but apparently not, as Wikipedia does seem to corroborate that “the specific antivenom needed depends on the species involved”.  Pretty sure that their local vet's office doesn't have Gorgon antivenom.  Even if Rowena’s magic is involved, if she can just make it magically the right thing, why on Earth would they actually even need any kind of antivenom in the first place?  Or not at least talk about getting a specific kind so it doesn’t look like they’ve got no idea what they’re on about?  As such, I can’t see this as anything but the writers yet again not bothering to put in the basic minimum of care to explain how this thing that obviously shouldn't work will now work for reasons.

I did genuinely like Sam and Rowena's playacting in the vet office, that was great!  Even Jack getting turned into a dog to lift the non-magical magical cure-all antivenom was fun. As well as Rowena chiding Sam about how what they're doing with Jack is doing exactly what she would – as she was until recently a villain. (Although again, putting aside why, if Rowena is their fucking hunting buddy buddy now, why exactly they aren't telling her what's up with Jack.  Seriously, why?)  Unsurprising that what I think actually works briefly in this episode is the character interactions powered by the skill and charisma of the actors, not anything the writers are doing.

Which brings us back to what Dabb didn't learn from Wayward: making the Winchesters (and Cas) entirely incompetent and helpless to facilitate ludicrously endowed super!kids like Jack stealing the show is insulting enough when it happens with the Gorgon, but it is straight out infuriating as the end of the whole AU!Michael arc.  Seriously, I do not get this fetish of his.

Before getting more into that, as an aside, does it matter if Cas can breathe?  I don't mean that in a “Die, Cas, die!” way, either.  I mean, he's literally an angel in a human suit, even if he's paralyzed by the thing's venom (which I'll accept that the creature can't see him but its venom still works on him because the body is more or less human {sort of, considering it's been turned into a specially constructed vessel made to break all the angel rules for reasons [to not have a supposed good guy holding a human soul permanently hostage and that whole dumb special-vessels-lol-what Lucifer interlude]}) does it really matter? Especially in that moment?  Like, if he's angel enough that the monster can't see him, he should be angel enough that mundane damage to a vessel should be nothing more than an inconvenience.  Castiel is exactly as human or angels as the writers need in at any given second. 

Speaking of which - Jack freaking out over it is another instance where he's dumb as an infant or competent as a trained adult from second-to-fucking-second to facilitate what passes for a plot, because Dabb & Co. apparently got bored and decided they'd rather go back to another round of What's Wrong With Jack, You Should Totally Care! rather than actually write a coherent story around AU!Michael.  This infant/adult thing comes up again during the conversation with Cas about humans ultimately dying where Jack suddenly doesn't get death.  Even though we had that whole. long. thing. about Jack wanting to know about his mother and talking to that therapist and her parents about her and seeing her in heaven?  Yet now we're back to LOL what is death??  Maybe angels or part angels are literally incapable of learning anything.  It would explain a lot about both Jack and Cas in recent years. 

Also, I take back the points I mentally rewarded at the beginning of the episode for actually involving a new monster taken from mythology.  It was at this point when we see that Jack kept the snake that I recalled spoilers about what happens to it and I became suspicious that literally the only reason they went to the trouble was to give Jack a pet that wasn’t cuddly enough that the audience would turn on him if he does something to it.  I don’t mind planning ahead, but when the monster hunt was such a manufactured clusterfuck of stupid and the ultimate purpose of it seems this transparent?  Sigh.

Oh noes, what if Dean doesn't wake up!? Well, for one thing, he'd be spared continuing to exist in this shitty parody of the SPN universe, so, I'm kinda thinking that might actually be a win...

Speaking of the writers just railroading the characters in random directions to get wherever they want to go regardless?  Cas's ability to heal is useless again, because of course it is.  Somehow a physical head wound is complicated by archangel possession, because sure, why the fuck not? Remember when angel powers weren't a fucking joke, as useful as a knife without the blade?  Honestly, I might even accept that another angel was unable to do anything to a human who was playing vessel to a different angel if this wasn’t just one more in a string of so. fucking. many. instances of angel powers transparently and ludicrously existing or not exactly where the “plot” decrees they do.

Likewise, Rowena, the totally most powerful witch ever?  Shrug, she can do nothing.  Except, it turns out, get handed an idiot ball to make this railroading keep going on the same dumb track.  Welcome to the club, Rowena, enjoy being half as competent as ever you were (or less!) now that you're an ally.  Again, vessel rules?  What vessel rules?  Any old archangel can just pop into any old person they want to, don'tchaknow?  Not to mention how goddamn fucking stupid Rowena would have to be to let Michael in so he “doesn't harm anyone in the bunker”.  Are you fucking kidding me?  The only thing letting him possess her is going to do is give him immediate faster access inside the bunker without any chance to prepare for his attempting to kill all the people he definitely intends to kill.  Not to mention that they turned Rowena from completely self-involved to brainlessly selfless in this episode, suddenly, because because as if nothing exists in-between.  This literally happens because the show decided it was bored and uninterested in Michael after half-heartedly playing with the character for half a season so it chopped everyone's brains out, including their own, to make him go away.  I just cannot see any other explanation for Rowena both being that dead stupid and conveniently being able to house Michael. 

The only worthwhile thing in this episode is the good riddance to bad rubbish of all the AU!hunters in the bunker finally getting wiped out.  That the show actually expects me to be in any way upset by a bunch of people who don't even fucking have names and just keep milling around in the background taking up space biting it?  Aside, from, of course, another Dabbernatural-style cardboard sue like Maggie who went from not even knowing how to hold a weapon to being the goddamn leader in a handful of episodes?  Presumably because the Winchesters are?  Yeah, no.

Even though when he actually had his powers it wasn't a foregone conclusion that Jack could effectively take on Michael?  Now that Jack doesn't have his powers, suddenly he can burn up his soul and just completely overpower Michael with the total McGuffiness of his existence for reasons.  If doing that is so powerful, and we’re stuck with this retcon about divisible souls, why can’t any old angel just burn out their vessel’s soul to get super-powered magic?  If the powers that any individual or item has have no logical consistency, and every new idea that pops into what passes for the writer’s brains is introduced as TEH MOST POWERFUL EVAH?  No conflict over supernatural powers in this show can have any legitimate narrative weight.  If the audience can’t adequately gauge the threat, it all becomes a muddle of random events that happen rather than a coherent story we can actually invest in caring about.

Look, I’m not saying that no Supernatural plot before the current era was resolved by McGuffins or random powers.  The issue here is the general issue with their use in Dabb’s era.  Jack doesn't have to work for it.  He doesn't have to figure out some complicated way to boost his powers to make it work against the most powerful archangel.   There’s no buildup for us to invest in.   There’s no sense of the characters actually working at an obstacle and earning a victory.  He's just suddenly handed this level of power to make it happen right now, at this arbitrary moment, because the show decided it was done with this arc now and could not be fucking bothered.  It makes no sense with anything we’ve been shown about the characters' powers, it makes no sense for the story actually feeling like the characters are meaningfully accomplishing anything by their legitimate merits.  It sure as fuck makes no sense for the lore.  That whole thing with Billy's books they've been harping on and on about as TEH ONLY WAY?  Which Rowena even calls back to this episode?  Nah, nevermind, tossed out the fucking window without even a goddamn handwave.  

Seriously, the Michael arc is not resolved here because the Winchesters outsmarted destiny again, or that they found some way to cleverly subvert it.  It’s not even that they worked to find a solution and finally the work paid off by them coming across something suspiciously perfect.  It’s that they waffled around for several episodes being dramatic and making literally no progress until Dabb & Co. arbitrarily and literally handed the power to end the arc to their pet joke fake!Winchester “son” because they did not care.  And yet they expect us in the audience to continue to care, even though I can not think of any other development in any other professional media I have ever consumed that was as unsatisfying and honestly infuriating as this pile of haphazard bullshit.

[thestoryofme13]

You’re Not Broken

A/N: So in this fandom we often focus on the pairings and LAMP, which is great and I love it so much...but as someone who is in a monogamous/polyamorous relationship, I wanted a bit more representation so with some help, I created this. There are many different versions of polyam and one is not more right than another. I just thought I’d offer this. Big thank you to @eequalsmcscared and @nyxwordsmith for helping me create this. 

Warnings: Crying, Panic Attack, Cursing

Summary: Virgil thinks he is broken for loving someone while dating another person.

Edit: This was going to be canon verse but I wanted to add so much more so now I switched it to human AU hoping it flows okay.

Pairings: Analogical and Prinxiety

Virgil and Logan had been dating for a couple of months, it had all come so effortlessly. That is until it didn’t. Until Virgil realized that he was going to ruin the best damn thing that had ever happened to him.

Why did he have to be such a fuck up? He had to agree with Logan, that feelings were complicated and that he’d be better off without them.

These feelings that he had for him were so close to what he felt for Logan. How could he even have those feelings for another person? Did he even love Logan? Had he ever truly loved him? If he was capable of having feelings for another person was he even supposed to be in a relationship? Virgil was happy. Logan made him happy but this person also made him happy.

Virgil couldn’t have both of them. That wasn’t a thing. If he were to have both of them he would be weird and greedy. He could just push down these feelings, they would subside so long as he didn’t think about it, right?

A few weeks had passed since Virgil had recognized these feelings and tried to push them away. He tried the only way he knew how he put up walls. These were walls that even Logan couldn’t break down, no matter how hard he tried. Virgil wanted to be honest with Logan, hiding his feelings felt like lying and he didn’t want to lie. It was figuratively killing him. He had never shut Logan out, at least not since they were dating. Keeping his distance from Roman was uncommon especially since they had grown so close.

Ever since Patton had suggested forced Roman and Virgil to work out their differences their friendship had been very different. Where it used to just be bantering and nicknames that could come across as cruel the pair soon discovered they had much more in common than previously thought. They both appreciated Disney movies even and on most days they could hold an intelligent conversation on particular plot lines or cliches that are overused. Other days they would hang out in the commons with Roman verbalizing his ideas while Virgil would practice giving constructive criticism.

Logan had noticed Virgil pulling away, he wasn’t dumb. He had considered a few possibilities, most of them ending in the fact that he had messed up. Logan couldn’t figure out what he had done wrong but if he could correct said mistake, then he would try.

He finally found the courage he needed to confront Virgil and ask him what he could do to try to fix what happened or even to receive some clarity about what he did to make his boyfriend so angry. He approached the door hesitantly, almost as if the door could open any moment and his world would come crashing down. Logically, he knew that the statistical probability of that happening was minuscule. That Virgil breaking up with him would not be the end of the world. But the thing about love was that it often wasn’t logical. He often couldn’t fit everything he felt into neat little boxes and label them accordingly.

After letting go of a breath he was unaware he was holding he knocked. Although this was not his usual confident knock. This knock was short and hesitant as if he wanted Virgil to ignore it.  

A few moments later the door opened and Virgil looked at the person in front of him, “Lo?” He asked unsure of why the nerd was at his door looking about as nervous as Virgil felt constantly.

Logan pushed past him walking into the room and turning to face his boyfriend, “Virgil I get that I may have done something that has upset you, for which I am truly sorry. I have gone through every conversation and I cannot figure out what I did wrong.”

Virgil sighed and slumped against the door. “I–you didn’t do anything…It’s me,” he whispered barely loud enough for Logan to hear.

Logan stared at him, “What do you mean it’s you? You haven’t done anything wrong….”

Virgil looked down at the floor, avoiding his boyfriend’s gaze, “But I have. Logan, I’m broken. Something is wrong with me.” His nervous habit of chewing on the sleeves of his clothing muffling his words to a whisper.

Logan walked toward Virgil, gently taking his hand, “You are not broken. Please talk to me. Let me prove those voices in your head wrong.”

Virgil shook his head the tears falling freely, “You should just break up with me. You don’t want me.”

Logan’s hand moved up Virgil’s arm and lifted the shorter man's chin. Now looking in his boyfriend’s eyes, his heart hurt at the pain and fear he saw, “Please, V. I can’t read your mind. I assure you I will listen. I promise.” His voice cracking ever so slightly, at a loss for words on how to help his boyfriend.

Virgil let out the breath he had been holding, trying to shift his eye contact anywhere but Logan’s face, “I–I have feelings for Roman… I get it. I am broken. I’m wrong.” He wrapped his arms around himself trying to ground himself, “If you wanna break up with me then please be quick and don’t give me any cliche lines about how we can still be friends. Just rip the band-aid off.”

Logan wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him close, “Virgil you are not broken. You are not wrong. It is possible to love more than one person.” He chuckled a little, “In fact. there is a word for it. People who are capable of loving more than one person at once often refer to themselves as polyamorous.”

“Lo–can’t breathe.”Virgil’s breath hitched as the tears flowed faster,

Logan moved them to Virgil’s bed as he knelt in front of his boyfriend. He put Virgil’s hand over his heart as they had talked about this being a good grounding technique, “Alright Virgil I’m going to walk you through a breathing exercise like we’ve done before, in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Try to match each breath with my heartbeat, V.”

Virgil closed his eyes feeling the other's heartbeat beneath his hand, trying to focus on his breathing and matching it with the steady rhythm of Logan’s hear. A few minutes later, after focusing on nothing but his breathing and Logan’s heartbeat; his uneven and shallow breathing had become more under control, or as much as it would be. He opened his eyes and was met with Logan’s reassuring smile.

Logan smiled and placed his hand over Virgil’s, “Virgil I think you might be polyamorous. I know it sounds scary but I promise it isn’t. All it means is that you have so much love to give that sometimes another person is also deserving. And you know what?”

Virgil shook his head, prompting Logan to continue, “I don’t care that you are polyamorous. I love you all the same. If you wanted to pursue something with Roman while still dating me, that is okay. Obviously Roman would need to consent but given the way he has been acting, I don’t see that as an issue.”

Virgil smiled softly at Logan, “You’d really be okay with me dating both of you?”

Logan kissed Virgil’s cheek, “It would take some getting used to, but it is not fair of me to tell you to try and push these feelings aside. I have seen the toll it is taking on you. You love him…and you love me. As long as you don’t also expect me to date Roman then it will all work out. Would you like me to go talk to him with you?”

Virgil lept into Logan’s arms so thankful that his boyfriend was understanding and willing to ease his fears, “Please come with me?”

Logan nodded as he moved them both to a standing position, interlacing his fingers with Virgil’s as they headed out of the room to find Roman.

They found Roman watching Disney movies in the commons by himself. The pair stood in front of the TV knowing that was the only way to get Roman’s attention.

Roman whined, “You two make a better door than a window. Kindly step aside, lovebirds.”

Logan shook his head, “Roman we need to talk to you.”

Roman’s eyes widened with intrigue, “About?”

Logan and Virgil moved to the sofa facing Roman. Logan was the first one to speak, “I know you have feelings for Virgil.” His voice not threatening or angry but gentle and reassuring.

Roman blushed deeply, opening his mouth to speak but Logan motioning him to be quiet. Then Virgil spoke up, looking at the ground like it was the most fascinating thing, “and–I” Virgil paused taking a deep breath, “-have feelings for you Roman.” In an effort to hide his blush from Roman Virgil hid his face in the crook of Logan’s neck, worried about Roman’s reaction.

Roman looked between the two, “Is this some kind of joke? Are you two breaking up?”

Logan laughed a little, “Quite the opposite actually. I believe that it is entirely possible that Virgil is polyamorous, meaning that he can love more than one person at a time. While I myself am monogamous, I do understand that it is a natural thing, for some people love is capable of being given to multiple people at one time. It does not mean he loves me any less.”

Roman furrowed his brows, “What do you mean?”

Logan rolled his eyes, “Well considering that your feelings are mutual.” He looked between the two, “I was merely suggesting that maybe you two could also start a relationship.”

Virgil looked at Roman, “I do really like you Roman and I love Logan. This will take some getting used to and I know that it isn’t exactly ‘normal’ but would you be willing to give it a try?”

Roman smiled, “While I have never heard of someone dating more than one person, I would love the chance to make you happy and woo you, Virge. Especially considering that Logan is okay with it.” He looked at Logan, “And you are completely okay with this, right teach?”

Logan nodded, “Although it is a little scary I am certain Virgil would be at his happiest if he were to have both you and I as his partners.” He looked at Virgil, “While I can’t say that this will be easy, it is possible that I might get jealous, but I will try my best to remember that you can love both of us.”

“Of course I can love you both equally. I know this will be an adjustment and you are allowed to feel jealous. Just remember that this is a relationship, I know you are focused on my happiness, but I’m concerned with yours as well and Roman’s now,” Virgil smiled looking between the two.

Logan blushed but continued, “I just want Virgil to be happy and for him to stop pushing us both away. We can both make him happy.” He leaned over and kissed Virgil’s cheek.

“You have a point, specs.” Roman raised an eyebrow, “I have one more question. Are you and I dating then?”

Logan shook his head and laughed, “No Princey. There are many forms of polyamoroury, just because we have a mutual partner doesn’t mean we are dating.” He looked lovingly at Virgil, “I don’t think I am capable of loving more than one person.” He paused, cupping Virgil’s cheek, “Virgil has metaphorically stolen my heart. Some of us are blessed with more love to give than others and it so happens that I have fallen in love with one of those people.”

Virgil blushed, playfully batting Logan’s arm. Then he grabbed Roman’s hand and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek, “Cuddle pile. Even though, you two aren’t dating,  I’m dating both of you now so, therefore, you will be seeing a lot of each other.”

Roman and Logan groaned in unison, gaining them glares from Virgil, “You two love me and want me to be happy, right? This, right here is what I want.”

The other two men shared a mischievous look, then kissing Virgil’s cheek. Virgil shrieked, not expecting both of his boyfriend’s to gang up on him, turning to bury his face in the back of the couch.

Roman rolled his eyes and pulled Virgil into his lap leaning against the back of the couch. Virgil pulled Logan against his chest, creating something akin to a human train. Once all three of them had gotten comfortable with Virgil squished between Logan and Roman, they started the movie back up. After weeks of feeling lost and afraid, Virgil finally felt whole. There was a word for who he was and how he felt. He didn’t have to pick between the two people he loved, he was capable of loving them both equally.  

General tag:   @fandomsandanythingelse  @sugarblob0  @theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly  @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms  @ilovemygaydad  @justanotherpurplebutterfly @water13girl  @sanderssidesshitpost @panic-at-theeverywhere

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Fanders Taglist Prinxiety:@completelyclevername @lacrimosathedark @watch-me-introvert @emphoenixcat @sarcastic-anxious @emokittenlikesgore@kickassking14 @fangirlsanonymous @inkyoo @theanxietyofbeinganxious@clueingforblogs @thatonenerdtm @rainbow-beaniegirl @vampyrsarah@makemeaplant @samidaboss3 @proudhufflepuff @alextheodd @kurna-kovite @sanderssides-deathangel @ray-rambles @lacandra @221biotchplease @starry-eyed-haiku-dreamer  @prinxietypreoccupied @pattykrabbies @shygirl4991 @musicphanpie-b @silversunshine2012 @lockolocka @virgils-hoodie @makemeaplant @gayrobotalien @phanic-at-the-malfoys @koalaaquabear @deep-ocean-blues @catsandrandomness @musicsavedmefromdeath @inkyroo  @devastate-my-space @heythereprincey @dudlebuggs @sanders-trash-4ever@on-lock-like-attica @spoonfullofcrofters @siriuswhiskers @thenerdycube @pinkeasteregg @notallpotatoesarefrenchfries @virgilisaneternalmood @kirsten-the-freak @thepusheenqueen @funsizedgremlin @poundland-twoface @logan-exe  @thecrimsoncodex  @unknownsandersfan @yourmomsafalsehood @dementeddracon @ive-given-up-on-it @v-blue-writer  @blazeimagines101 @sanders-fam-ily @trashypansexual @toujours-fidele @jaybingu @sugarblob0  @do-rey-me @hottopicvirge @rptheturk @candiukas @nottodaylogic  @shadow-walker-1201 @milomeepit @grey-lysander @fricksonsticks @baileystarsketches @ace-of-hufflepuffs @voices-and-stardust @deadinsidebutliving @ocotopushugs  @moonlightinwater @datonerougecookeh @lana--22 @kentato-kenart @robanilla @logically-sided @osnapitzbc @areyousirius-noheisdead @ruuworld @microsoft-nerd @theworldismysupernova @jughead-is-canonically-aroace @purplesatankittycat @mercythemermaid @pearls-of-patton  @fabulousfanaticfander @jade-dragon226-fan  @jesusonafrickinboat @anthoscopus @mollycassmith @hi-disappointed-im-daughter @nightmarejasmine @juvenile-changeling @ace-v-p-d  @pandagirl0730 @acrobaticcatfeline @thomas-must-get-to-sleep @sesame-icecream @fireflightyt @stars-in-mine-eyes @roman-is-a-gay @reba-andthesides @thesilentbluesparrow @angered-turtle  @fanatic564@didsomeonesayyoutube122 @emovirgil @mydogsaresofuckingstupid @captain-loki-xavier @save-dirk @evilmuffin@k9cat @louisthewarlock @asterias-confused-writings @bekkyboo2003 @too-precious-to-process @hissesssss @aph-roma @theworldismysupernova @imaflashcard @notveryglittery @thats-so-crash @space-d0ubt @cinderlunarcyborg @anony-phangirl @minamishipsit @wowimanerdblr@superfandertrashbros @nuttytheorizer @nymphaedoratonks @bluebellie01 @the-feels-are-coming @s0ftdoddleoddle

I’d like to tag @tinysidestrashcaptain @randomslasher I know these aren’t your main ships but I think it is pretty neat to have something a little different @princelogical @virgilsjourney @thelogicalloganipus

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 46

A little over an hour later, pleased I’d remembered that Tom and I needed to remove our rings before opening the room door, I was being escorted to the Hokulea Suite by Simon the Loud and Annoying, my hair still dripping wet, dressed in cut off sweat-shorts and my X-files T-shirt. He was gifting me the details of all the fun he’d had last night with Anne, gushing over her wit and demanding that we all head to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2017 because he needed her to show him her favorite haunts IN PERSON or he’d never forgive himself or me until my stomach rumbled and I felt a rush of saliva in my mouth, wrinkling my nose at the queasiness that followed.

“We need to detour, dude. Bridezilla requires nourishment prior to prettification.”

He huffed, rolling his eyes. “Really? Really? It’s already after one, and…”

I crossed my arms. “And…what? And you want me to dry heave my way through the vows?”

“Ewwww…Maude. So gross.”

“Whatever. Stress plus hunger is not a good combo for me, apparently. Not going to make the same mistake as yesterday. We’ll still have three hours or something, and if that’s not enough, you can just find me a veil somewhere and I’ll wear it all evening long. Problem solved, am I right?”

“Well, since I am, frankly, rather fearful of what will become of me if I dissent, oh yes, right you are.”

“Mmm hmm. And about that whole Mardi Gras business…have you forgotten that you’ll have two screaming, squalling, pooping machines in your midst by then? Sounds like a less than Ideal experience to me, especially the trans-Atlantic flight part.”

His hands flew up to cover his mouth briefly, then extended open, palms out, to either side of his face. “OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT BABIIIEEEESSSSSS…” He inhaled, then exhaled deeply. “So you really don’t think we can just, you know, bring them with us?”

Shrugging, I took him by the arm and began walking toward the lounge. “Truthfully, I have no fucking idea, and though you obviously have vastly more experience in this department than I do, I’m reasonably sure that’s listed under ‘Super Mega Dumbass Scenarios’ in the parenting handbook.”

He stopped short, and when I turned to him the expression on his face was a mixture of jubilation and pure terror. “When Roland was a baby, I was working so much that Lisa handled…well, everything, essentially. Now I’m going to, like, BE LISA, and the question is, CAN I be Lisa? And with double the poop machines?”

I wrapped my arms around him, kissing each cheek in turn. “You don’t need to be anyone but you, Simon. Because you’re amazing, and you know what? If anyone can pull off bringing two infants across the ocean to do Mardi Gras with Anne Rice, it’s you.”

He squeezed me tightly. “Thank you, Nice Maude.”

“You’re welcome. But if we do end up going, you should know that I am absolutely, positively taking a different flight.”

Snorting, he let go of me and took two steps backward, waving. “Au revoir, Nice Maude.”

I was still snickering as we entered the lounge, wherein I voraciously inhaled two waffles laden with raspberry syrup and whipped cream, two scrambled eggs, four pieces of bacon, a toasted everything bagel with butter, half a melon, a tall glass of orange juice and two cups of Kona coffee, which, after trying it the very first time, I knew I never wanted to live without. A giant blech escaped me as I rose from the table, which struck Simon as so hilariously funny that I wound up sitting back down to wait for him to get a grip, and just as he was able to quasi-communicate it happened again, and then we both completely lost our shit. Those moments are some of life’s best, when the most ordinary thing suddenly becomes a source of incapacitating amusement, and when it turns infectious…even better.

It was going on two-thirty when we finally arrived at the Hokulea Suite, and I could hear the faint thumping bass of what I immediately recognized as Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ through the door. Veronica was a huge fan, attending every show she could manage, occasionally discussing her dream to somehow find herself as the Lady’s stylist, even if only for a single day. And in this particular instance, ‘occasionally’ meant every time one of Gaga’s songs came on. I couldn’t see Veronica when we first entered, but I could hear her singing, so as Simon headed one way toward his dressing area I followed the sonic trail and discovered her behind one of the far screens working on Anne’s makeup. The sight of Anne high up in the director’s chair, hair hidden beneath a shower cap, body wrapped in a black plastic cape and her bare feet tapping on the tiny rest made me smile widely. She’d been through so much in her own life, yet here she was, still going, still enjoying, still loving, still…living. I felt a pang of regret that I’d shut her out for so long…despite all our differences and disagreements, she was the closest thing to an actual mother I’d ever had. If it weren’t for her encouragement and support, I might have never started my own business, and if that hadn’t happened, my path and Tom’s might never have crossed. I blinked, noticing that both Anne and Veronica were staring at me. Anne reached out to pat my upper arm.

“Love ya, kiddo. Thanks for letting me be a part of all this…I always prayed you’d find someone who’d lift you up and…”

I interrupted her sentence with an embrace so strong I was afraid I might crush her. “Thank you for that. I did. He does. I love you too.”

She chuckled, and as I pulled back the smirk on her face alerted me to what was coming next. “Maude Gallagher, has my sense of hearing failed me or did you just thank me for praying?’

I pointed my index finger first at her, then at Veronica. “Never speak of this again, either of you.” I paused for dramatic effect. “So, anyway…where would you have me go, fine friend and Chief Beautification Enforcer?”

Veronica snorted. “To your designated private but not really private at all temporary staging area. I’ll be done with this one’s makeup in a few minutes, then I’ll come get to work on you. Everyone else is done…well, not me, but that won’t take long.”

“Because you’re naturally gorgeous.”

She smiled. “Born This Way.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’d quote a meaningful Gaga lyric back at you but the only thing that comes to mind right now is p-p-p-p poker face and that always makes me think of poke HER face and…yeah. I’m gonna walk away now. Bye.”

The director’s chair taunted me, all tall and spindly, begging me to climb in so it could tip itself over and dump my ass out onto the ground. If I were a director, I’d demand something leather and cushy with wheels so my personal assistant could push me around the set. Sighing, I checked the mechanisms responsible for holding it open, making sure they were on the up-and-up before I slipped off my Birkis and clambered aboard. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, though I forced myself to remain as still as possible, just in case. A few minutes later Veronica arrived, Telephone now cranking at an unreasonable volume. I removed my T-shirt so she could cape-drape me, and while she worked on my eyelids I nodded off for a few seconds. The short spell was broken by her sternly warning me that if she had to start the process all over again because I’d been up late doing god knows what she’d make me look like one of the Kardashian sisters and that was the end of Maude’s Naptime Session. After makeup came hair, which was going to be all drawn up in a large bun that rested just above the nape of my neck, enclosed in a silver wire cage that was fastened in place with six large silver bobby pins. I couldn’t actually see anything other than the components as they came together, though, because Veronica insisted that I wait until I was fully dressed before looking at myself in the mirror. I managed to remove myself from the chair without incident after Veronica took off my cape, and then followed her instructions to strip down the rest of the way. We’d discussed underwear previously, deciding that a thong would be best, so I’d put a white silk one on this morning, not giving a single thought to the fact that my ass might bear bruises that were unmistakably the marks left by grabbing hands. I let my shorts fall to the floor, hoping there was nothing to see, but her snort as she looked my way after hanging the cape on its hook caused me to instantaneously abandon said hope.

“Well, well, well…you WERE up late doing god knows what, weren’t you?” She drew closer for a better look, emitted a low whistle, and I could feel my cheeks flush. “Honey, your man has some huge hands on him. Oy, I feel like I should cross myself or something for where my mind went next. Anyway. Let’s hope they don’t show through the fabric.”

“Oh my GOD do you really think…” I craned my neck in order to see her face, saw a wide smirk upon it, and realized that she was totally fucking with me. “Dude. Not cool. NOT. COOL.”

She grinned. “I know. I also know I should be sorry, but I’m not. Take that bra off while I get your gown out of its bag, please and thank you.”

My phone chirped, and I bent down to fish it out of the left front pocket of my shorts. It chirped three more times before I stood up and unlocked it, and for a moment my heart fluttered, wondering if another bout of ugliness awaited me. Thankfully, what I found were four messages from Melanie.

The Big Day is finally here! – Melanie

Everything is in place and just as it should be. Two videos to follow. See you soon! – Melanie

The first was of the ceremony site, white chairs on either side of the purple carpet facing the ocean and the arbor. We didn’t want an arch so we’d chosen a more minimalist, almost Oriental-style construct. It was rectangular, four thick, squared poles forming the bottom, connected at the top by two flush pieces at the sides, two extended beams across the front and the back. All had been painted white, the front and back beams wrapped with alternating purple and green fabric that draped down the sides. Large square glass containers had been fastened to the front poles using three strips of burnished silver sheet metal and filled with purple orchids, lady’s mantle, and flowering comfrey. More purple carpet lined the bottom of the structure, and she’d started filming at the far end and walked up the aisle and, of course, waterworks once again loomed. I closed my eyes, breathed in, then out, then again and again until I calmed down because, makeup. The second video was of the Paddle Room, and it was…perfect. Exactly as I’d specified, right down to the books specifically chosen for each table. Another message came through, and I exited the file to view it.

PS - don’t be concerned if you notice the cake isn’t included. That needs to be a surprise. – Melanie

I typed out a reply, my shaky hands making it extra challenging.

It’s all perfect. Totally perfect. Thank you so much for doing this. Amazing. Surreal. Everything. – Maude

Another chirp.

You are very, very welcome. So happy you’re happy! – Melanie

I put my phone away, bra still in place when Veronica returned. She rolled her eyes at me, and I undid the hooks and tossed it onto the chair. The mini-dress came first, followed by the silver gladiator sandals, then the maxi-skirt. Veronica sighed heavily, smiling.

“Maude, you are…breathtaking.”

My left eyebrow rose. “In a good way, or in a Seinfeld you’ve-got-to-see-the-baaaaaaaby way?”

“Come see for yourself, why don’t you?” She held out her left hand. “You have to close your eyes until we’re there so you get the full effect. I’ll lead you.”

“M’kay.” I reached for her, closing my eyes once I’d established a firm grip, silently hoping that this was indeed a simple walk to the mirror and not an instance of ‘surprise the bride’ because I was in no condition to handle that sort of fuckery.

After navigating what I assumed was the center area of the room Veronica stopped me, let go of my hand and turned me around, speaking only a single word.

“Open.”

I tilted my head downward and let my eyelids slowly lift until I was staring down into my own cleavage. Exhaling, I began to raise my head, higher and higher, and then…there I was. Maude Gallagher on her wedding day in her wedding dress ready for her wedding ceremony and wedding reception. She was me, but…not me. The woman in the mirror appeared to have just stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine spread, and I found myself reaching out to touch her because that woman couldn’t be me, wearer of ancient T-shirts who sniffed items of clothing found on the floor to judge by scent if they were acceptable to wear just one more time before washing them. My fingers connected with the surface of the mirror and I gasped.

“It IS me. Holy. Fucking. Shit.” I heard laughter, but I was too busy studying my reflection to acknowledge it. Veronica had dressed me for my dinner at Daniel with Tom, and there had been some serious wow factor then for sure but this…she’d coordinated my eye shadow with the bridesmaid dresses, a gradient from purple to green starting at eyebrow level with a faint overlay of silver. The liner was black, and my lashes were darkened with black mascara, impossibly long and thick, yet somehow still appearing natural. On my lips was a shade of deep maroon-purple, again matching a component of the bridesmaid dresses, thinly lined with a dark green which should have looked awful but…didn’t. It worked, and worked well. Paired with the style dress I’d chosen and the silver-crowned bun, the overall effect made me feel like I could absolutely, positively land a role in the next Star Wars film as Leia’s progeny and that was right off the fucking charts, man. Right. Off. I turned to the woman with limitless talent next to me, shaking my head back and forth slowly.

“Veronica. VERONICA. VER. ON. ICA. You’re like…you’re a fucking SORCERESS. For real. Really. I can’t…I just…thank you. Thank you.”

She grinned, pointing her index finger at me. “You’re very welcome, dear darling Maude. Now don’t fuck it up before we go out there, okay?”

I snorted. “Listen, I’ll do my best, but you know the face probably won’t last through the ceremony and the dress is doomed to be destroyed at cake time, if not before. Better get some pics for your portfolio while you can, my friend.”

“I will. But first I have to make myself presentable.” She turned to Emma, Sarah, Trudy and Anne, all of whom had gathered behind me. “Ladies, please keep the bride out of trouble while I’m gone.” They laughed, nodding, and Veronica disappeared behind one of the screens just as Simon emerged from behind his own. He screeched at the sight of me, hands raised to shoulder height, palms facing me, fingers spread widely.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD LOOK AT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! MAAAUUUUUUUUUUUDEEEEEEE! SPACE PRINCESSSSSSSSSSS!”

I screeched in return. “I KNOOWWWWWWWWWW! AND LOOK AT YOUUUUUUUU!”

He smirked as he spun in a circle. “I. AM. FABULOUS.”

“YOU ARE! SHOULD WE STOP SHOUTING?”

“PROBABLY!”

He air-kissed my cheek. “Poor Tom. I don’t think he’s prepared for this level of gorgeousis spectacularity.”

The thought that I’d soon be walking down the aisle with Simon at my side, seeing for myself just how prepared Tom was, took its place front and center in my mind, and as I assessed whether or not I’d be able to cope with such a thing, the realization that my father was absent in all of this slammed into me, and hard. My gaze turned toward the floor, and I closed my eyes tightly to shut out everything around me. He’d been gone for so long, and while I thought of him often, it was always briefly, the moment tinged with fondness for a memory, a touch of sadness, and a wish that he’d found peace. This time, it was fury, and a longing so intense it was physically painful. He’d left me alone in this world with a mother who had no love for me whatsoever, and he’d never know me as I was now, the woman I’d become, the things I’d accomplished, and on this day when I was celebrating the love I’d found, he was a corpse in a crypt in New Orleans when he should have been here, giving me away, sharing a father-daughter dance. He’d never know Tom, never know our children…and they’d never know him. I understood the why of what he’d done, but the fact that it, to me, his child, his ONLY child, felt like such a wasteful, selfish act was inescapable. He’d chosen himself over all else, including me, and here I was on my wedding day, with his death on my mind and threatening to override my happiness. Which I was NOT going to permit…too many moments had been stolen from me already. This was MY time now. And my life. And my god, what an amazing, beautiful life it had become. I swallowed, inhaled, exhaled, and then swallowed again, beating the sorrow and rage into submission. I felt hands grasp my forearms and I opened my eyes to find Simon staring at me, his own eyes full of worry, and when I smiled his face changed and he breathed a sigh of relief, his voice soft and low as he spoke.

“Want to talk about it?”

My head shook back and forth slowly. “Ghosts. I’m over it. Thank you.” I twisted my wrists so my hands could clutch his forearms, linking us like a snake eating its own tail. “Thank you for being willing to walk me down the aisle, Simon. It means so much to me, more than words can say. I love you. Like, a whole lot.”

He nodded, acknowledging that he understood, knowing me so well that what I’d been thinking about was perfectly clear to him. “You’re very welcome. I love you too. And bitch, if I cry and get droplet marks all over this very fine suit and ruin your wedding photos, that’s all on YOU.”

We both giggled, and just as I opened my mouth to explain to the women standing around me Melanie walked through the door and announced that we were fifteen minutes from go time.

****************************************

A row of white screens had been set up to one side of the ceremony site in order to block any possible viewing of me prior to my grand entrance. No one had seen the bridesmaid dresses yet either, but apparently no one was concerned about ruining that surprise because they were all allowed to peek around the barrier and comment on how incredibly handsome Tom looked, and also how he was fidgeting more than a kindergartener who needed to use the bathroom but didn’t want to miss story time. As part of his sound system, Sammy had set up a microphone at the far end of the site and outdoor speakers throughout, and I could hear strains of native Hawaiian music, though it was muted by the pounding of my own heart in my ears. Instead of using the traditional walk-in song, I’d decided to go with a version of Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’ that I’d seen on YouTube…any version moved me to tears, but this one made me sob like a baby. Which, in hindsight, might not have been the wisest choice…but it was so beautiful, and the timing was perfect. It was an orchestral performance in a town square, starting with one lone bass player, with additional groupings being added as the piece progressed. The faces of the crowd were full of enchantment and wonder in the video, experiencing the sound of notes put together by someone long ago in the present and amongst other humans, all feeling…well, just FEELING. That was the point. In the moment, in harmony, so ALIVE. As Melanie signaled for everyone to line up, the Hawaiian music stopped, and in the silence that followed I tried to imprint the moment, the quiet, the before…and then the sound of the bass began to resonate, and it was really, truly go time. The wedding party would have the duration of the instrumental portion to reach their places, and Simon and I would start our walk when the soft chorus began, hopefully reaching Tom and Luke, whom we’d decided should remain at Tom’s side since Simon would be with me, just in time for the pause point before the escalating chorus and finale began. Ken and Anne were first, followed by Ben and Veronica, Chris and Trudy, Guillermo and Sarah, then Hugh and Emma. Simon proffered his right arm for me to hold, and I shifted the bouquet of purple orchids and lady’s mantle to my right hand in order to take his arm with my left. We rounded the corner just as the singing began, and all of our guests rose from their seats as I took my first step forward, then froze in place as I witnessed Tom’s knees buckle at the sight of me, Luke grabbing him by the elbow in an attempt to steady him. Simon tilted his head sideways in order to whisper in my ear.

“Don’t freak out, honey. You can do this. Keep. Moving.”

And I did. I don’t know HOW, but I did. Everything and everyone other than Tom was a blur, our guests, the wedding party lined up, Tom’s chosen people on the left, mine on the right, the judge, all of it…except for my husband, who was already my husband, but not yet my husband as far as anyone else was concerned. There he was, in his black suit and white dress shirt with a purple waistcoat I knew I’d see more of later when he ditched the jacket to dance, his silver pocket square jutting out in a perfect triangular point, black patent shoes practically glowing in the sun. I watched him shake his head and mouth the words ‘oh my god’ over and over before he smiled at me, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over, followed by a hand across his mouth, then a silent ‘I love you’ and a grin that grew ever wider as I drew nearer. And then there I was, with Simon releasing my arm and Tom taking my hand in his, not even noticing that my bouquet had somehow gone missing when I raised my right hand to wave like a child at my beautiful man and managed to squeak out a single word.

“Hi.”

He waved back, voice cracking as he returned the greeting. “Hi.”

I heard a whooshing sound and briefly thought I was dying, then realized the noise had been everyone sitting back down in their chairs. The judge cleared his throat, and we turned to face him, backs to our guests. Today he was wearing a proper suit, which startled me because my addled brain had been expecting the tuxedo T-shirt. It was dark green linen, with a white shirt and bow-tie, and I wondered if it was a coincidence that he coordinated with our color scheme or if Melanie had requested that he do so. He smiled at us, then began speaking.

“We gather today in this place of sea and sky and sand and sun to join the couple who stand before me in matrimony. That word, it’s a significant word, an important word, but what it represents is most meaningful…two individuals who feel a profound connection between them, both physically and spiritually, a connection from which stems a deep and abiding love so powerful that the two seek to become one. To become… a family, not to which they’re born, but one which they choose to create.” He paused briefly, then continued. “Thomas William Hiddleston and Maude Gallagher, is it your wish to marry each other on this day, June 29th, 2016?”

We nodded, speaking in unison. “Yes.” The urge to say ‘absofuckingloutely’ had been overwhelming, and I was super proud of myself for exercising some self-control.

“Then let us proceed. It is my understanding that you’ve prepared your own vows?” Another nod from both of us. “Please turn and face each other. May I have the rings?”

After panicking for several very long seconds because I had no idea how we were handling that bit for this ceremony, I spotted Luke stepping forward and passing them to the judge, who in turn gave Tom’s to me. I sighed in relief, having hoped that’s how it would play out this time around as well. I reached for Tom’s left hand, which I’d released as we’d turned, and grasped it with my own, pretending to wipe sweat from my brow with my right hand.

“Well thank the universe for small favors…I SO didn’t want to have to try and come up with something after this one had a chance to speak. “ I hooked my right thumb in his direction, noting the soft chuckles that emanated from our friends and family as I met Tom’s gaze. “One year ago, I drove out to Talk Story because I, book nerd that I am, couldn’t resist the prospect of maybe, just maybe, finding that long-sought first edition of The Gunslinger. I didn’t…not that time, anyway…but I did find One Hundred Years of Solitude. Which, looking back, is so over the top ridiculous, because…that’s what the life I’d lived before that day feels like since you appeared in those stacks, trying to go all incognito and using a certain bullwhip-toting archeology professor’s name as your alias. Up until then, to me, you were that incredibly talented actor whose social media accounts I used as an example of what NOT to do in my lectures. But in your presence, seeing you, then and there…gotta be honest, I kinda lost the plot for a few seconds.” A round of laughter from our guests ensued. “Which was, you know, totally unacceptable. No thank you, hard pass, Maude is better off alone. But then you followed me outside, and then you KNELT on the sidewalk in front of me…deep down, I knew I was a goner when I let you have one of my Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup peanut butter cookies, but my jadedness persisted. For like, a few hours. And that night, in my hotel room…which is now OUR hotel room…when you tucked me into bed and spent the night…when you stayed…that was that. There you were, the other half of my soul, and finally, I’d been made whole.” I’d managed to not cry, but tears were running freely down his cheeks. “So, Dr. Jones…are you ready for the life-long adventure of being my husband? I don’t have an Ark or a Holy Grail, but I’m pretty good in bed, and I promise to love you with all that I am and all that I’ll ever be.”  

He nodded, wiping away tears with his free hand. “I do love a grand adventure…and I’ve never been more ready for something in all my days.”

I turned his left hand over, opened my right one, then slipped the band onto his left ring finger. “Well then, with this ring, I thee wed. Off we go!”

Tom let go of my hand in order to hold his up high, grinning proudly as he moved it slowly back and forth to show off his new accessory to the crowd before turning his attention back to me, taking hold of my left hand, then bringing it to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on my knuckles. The judge placed my ring in Tom’s open right palm, his fingers closing tightly around it as he stared into my eyes, and I knew the vows he’d planned on using had gone right out the window, because he was re-writing them right then, crafting with his heart and soul words that would likely echo my sentiments. Following a slight nod that indicated he was satisfied, he began to speak.

“One year ago, I drove out to Talk Story to pick up a book I hoped would assist me in playing a role. I was in a rush, as Luke had scheduled a meeting I wasn’t expecting. In an attempt to avoid being recognized, which would have slowed me down and made me late for, as I’m sure Luke will confirm, the millionth time, I donned a baseball cap and Hawaiian print shirt as a rather crude disguise. When I walked through the door and saw the staff wearing Loki shirts, I panicked…and then, I saw you. And, like you, I lost the plot. It was as if the heavens had opened up and the sun shone on you and you alone, lighting my way. I followed the path, finding myself standing behind you, thoroughly unable to form words as I watched you choose your books so very carefully. When you spun around I thought you might slap me, but instead, you recognized me, understood my plight, and solved my problem. When you called me Indy…well, how could I NOT follow you outside and beg for your number?” I snorted. “I was completely bent out of shape that I had to leave in order to make that damn meeting, which I had no desire to attend in the first place, because all I wanted to do was be near you, to talk to you, to get to know you. The entire ride back to this side of the island all I thought about was you, and I was telling Luke that this was it, you were THAT woman, MY woman, as we walked into Kauai Pasta and…there you were. You were the person Luke had set up the meeting with. Of all the people in this world, it was you. Over the next few hours, I fell in love with you at least a hundred times, each instance pulling me deeper and deeper until we parted company and…I couldn’t bear it, so I turned up at your door practically in the middle of the night with tea and truffles. And later, when I stayed…I knew I never, ever wanted to leave. In seeking out something to help me play a make-believe role I’d already been cast in, through some miraculous alignment within the universe, here I am stepping into the real-world role of a lifetime, the one I was born for…that of being husband to you.” I’d managed to swallow back my sobs, but hot tears were dripping down and off my nose. “So, Ms. Gallagher…are you ready for the life-long adventure of being my wife? I’ve no Sankara stones or crystal skull, but I’ll always have truffles at the ready, and I promise to love you with all that I am and all that I’ll ever be.”  

I nodded. “You had me at truffles. Plus, you’re really good in bed. Sign me up and let’s roll, baby.”

He turned my left hand over, opened his right one, then slipped the band onto my left ring finger, absent of my engagement ring, which was currently residing on my right hand. “Well then, with this ring, I thee wed. Off we go!”

We looked to the judge, who had placed both hands in front of his chest, palms together. “By the power vested in me by the state of Hawaii, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

There was no waiting for permission…our lips were locked before he even finished his sentence, and if it weren’t for Simon poking me in the ribs we would have missed our exit cue. Ode to Joy’s divinely loud chorale had begun, and Tom and I started upon our first official walk as husband and wife, our guests all on their feet, applauding, cheering, and whistling as we worked our way to the white screen, where we waited for the rest of the wedding party to join us. When the tempo sped up, they ran towards us, and Tom picked me up by my waist and spun me around…it was such an incredible moment, a happy moment, the kind you want to freeze frame and go back to again and again, one you wouldn’t mind having as your very final thought on this earth. And then, it was over in a flash as I desperately signaled for him to put me down, making my way behind the screen just in time to barf on the impeccably groomed green grass.

Just as it had the day before, my stomach purged itself until it was empty, and afterward I felt perfectly fine. Tom surrendered his pocket square so I could wipe my mouth, and while I dabbed at my lips I noticed no one else was around. He placed a hand on my bare back, smiling softly.

“I shooed them back around the screen. Figured you wouldn’t want an audience.”

“Thank you. That was…bizarre. Have I reached that age where spinning makes you puke? But I wasn’t spinning yesterday, that was stress…so, is EVERYTHING going to make me puke now? Or is it a stomach virus? Because I was really queasy earlier before I ate.” I looked down at my dress, and the mess I’d left on the ground. “Well that’s disgusting. Sheese. But, the dress appears to be unscathed so, commence picture time. Though I’d kinda like to bush my teeth or at least rinse, and I guess I could use some more lipstick…”

“Why don’t we go back to your dressing area so you can freshen up?” His smile was still the same, which struck me as odd, and I felt my mind wander into ‘oh my god is there something really wrong with me and I’m the only one who doesn’t know it’ territory. I nodded, and he kissed my cheek. “I’ll go let everyone know we’ll be back in a bit – they can head in to the Paddle Room with the guests, then come back out when we’re ready to do group shots before our session with the media.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

When he returned from around the screen I could discern from his expression that something was absolutely up, which made me freak out even more. He took my hand and we walked the short distance to the Hokulea suite in silence. After we were inside, he went into the kitchen, grabbed a Coke from the fridge, then sat on the sofa to our left and motioned for me to sit down next to him. I did so, as carefully as possible, suddenly dying of thirst and wanting what was in that can more than anything else I could think of. He popped the top and passed it to me, and I drank three-quarters of it a few long, loud gulps then wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

“This is so COLD and so GOOD. Mmmmm.”

Tom’s hand came to rest on my knee, his eyes first staring downward, then lifting to meet mine. “Maude, I’ve…over the past month or so…I...I’ve observed some…changes…in your behavior, and now, over the past two days, there’s been a physical manifestation…” The world started to dim around me, and I could feel my internal temperature rising as panic washed over me. “I just…I didn’t know how to broach the subject, so I haven’t and I still don’t know but…I think need to ask you a question and…well…have you been…are you…you know…late?”

My brow crinkled as my head tilted to the left. “Late? I don’t…what does that…late with, like, what? Or do you mean slow on the uptake or something, to which I’d respond with a resounding yes but I thought it was all the pressure but do you think I have dementia or a brain tumor or something? It’s okay, just say it…”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” He slid closer to me so our legs were touching. “Your period. Have you been late with your period. I know you’ve been expecting it, and it hasn’t arrived, and when I thought back, I don’t recall you having it for quite some time, so…”

Shaking my head, I put my Coke down on the floor. “By a few days, maybe. But my cycle’s been wacky since I went off the pill. Christ, you scared the SHIT out of me.”

He swallowed, wondering, I imagined, how to proceed because he obviously thought differently. I counted to ten silently, because for some reason I was fast on my way to becoming pissed off, then put my hand over his.

“Tom, I know, I can’t stand waiting for it to happen either, but it’s on my calendar and everything. I’ll go get my phone.”  I stood, then walked back to where my shorts were bunched up on the floor and dug the device out of my left front pocket. As I sat back down on the couch, I pulled up my calendar and swiped back to May. “Yep, there it is. May 27th. So yeah, I’m technically late but I went 21 days in March and then 32 in April or something, so…” And then I swiped back to April. And then I swiped back to March, then back to April. Then to May, then back to April. And then, my jaw dropped open and I REALLY started to freak the fuck out. He just sat there, expressionless, while I tried to wrap my head around what I was seeing.

“I…I…I can’t believe this. April. There’s nothing there. No data. Not. There. I think…I think I…now that I’m like, really THINKING about it, it does seem like it’s been a while since I bought pads and I think maybe I put April’s dates on the May grid and that means May was period-less and that means…I’m late. Like late…enough. Wow. WOW. This is CRAZY. Tom. TOM. I thought you were hallucinating or whatever and here I am trying to prove you wrong but you’re like, not wrong, I don’t think. Okay. We can’t be sure until I take a test, right? And I don’t think I can wait until after the reception to know. I need to know. Oh my god. CRAZY. Can I sneak out of here in this outfit and go to the drug store around the corner without anyone recognizing me, do you think?”

He shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning up just slightly. “No, I don’t think that’s possible. Honestly, I don’t know how we’re even going to send Luke or Simon or someone else we’re comfortable discussing this with to purchase a pregnancy test what with the media lurking all over. Even if they’re dressed in casual clothing.”

We were interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by Melanie Hale’s voice, inquiring softly.

“Maude? Tom? Is everything all right?”

Tom and I looked at each other, and I gave him a double thumbs up. She was a local, not as overly-adorned as the rest of us, and the press had no clue who she was yet since we hadn’t mentioned her on social media as part of our effort to keep the wedding details under wraps. And, since she’d not mentioned a blessed thing either, I had complete faith in her ability to keep a secret. I shouted for her to come in, and when she saw us sitting down she placed one hand over her heart and said some seriously magic words.

“If there’s something I can do to help, anything…please, feel free to ask.”

My face scrunched up as I spoke. “Weeellll…now that you’ve mentioned it, there is this one thing…”

****************************************

After hunting down the lipstick shade Veronica had applied earlier and giving myself a fresh coat, I texted Simon and told him we were ready to have the bridesmaids and groomsmen join us back at the ceremony site for photos. Focusing on the task at hand was nearly impossible, my mind preoccupied with images of Melanie walking into a store, choosing a pregnancy test, paying for it, driving back to the hotel, then sneaking up to our room, using the key we’d given her to enter, and leaving it behind along with what she’d purchased as we’d planned. I attempted to estimate how many more shots the photographer would likely require before this session was declared complete and we were permitted to move on to the next one, all the while attempting to portray myself as a woman who’d just wed the love of her life, which I was…but now I was ALSO a woman who might be carrying his child, and trying to disguise the fact that the anticipation of confirming such a thing was driving me insane turned out to be a wickedly difficult challenge. Finally, it was over, and Tom and I headed to the same room the press conference had been held in yesterday to pose for the media outlets, all of whom had complied with our requests. A large backdrop had been positioned at the front of the room, a medium-grey gradient that was typically the first choice whenever someone specified ‘not the blue one’. They’d structured their positioning and rotation on their own, so all Tom and I had to do was smile and shift around to add some variety. One photog yelled ‘dip her!’ and I held my breath during the act, hoping I wouldn’t throw up at such an inopportune time. I didn’t, and even managed to spin around a little in order to make my skirt flare out without any repercussions. Tom had set his phone alarm, and when it went off, we thanked the group for respecting our wishes, then exited via the side door, closed it behind us, and held hands as we walked to the stairwell and up to our room. He released me to slide the keycard, and I followed him inside, then pushed past him to get to the gift bag on the bed. There was a card attached, written in Melanie’s overly-rounded cursive.

“Got you a few different kinds – that’s what I’ve always done. Fingers crossed for you!”

Melanie’s definition of ‘a few’ was six, apparently, because that’s how many there were, along with three plastic shot-glass sized cups. That she’d thought to use a gift bag to bring it all into the hotel was a testament to her thoroughness, and I stopped to seriously consider offering to pay the entirety of their college tuition for her kids, then decided that if Tom and I got and kept her name out there she wouldn’t need any help with that. At all. Tom’s arms slipped around my waist from behind, and I leaned back into him.

“Maude, I hope you won’t be upset with me if…”

“I won’t be. I’ll be disappointed…BEYOND disappointed…but I’m glad you brought it up. I had no clue. None. It might have been another month or two before I noticed, and this way, if I’m not pregnant and something else is going on, we can address it sooner as opposed to later. That’s what I’m telling myself, anyway. Let’s do this. I hope I can use those cups to pee in, because the odds of me landing any on the actual sticks are slim to none.”

Four of the tests were supposed to show results in three minutes, the other two in five minutes. And yes, cup dipping was an acceptable substitute for stream-to-stick. Even still, I took off the maxi-skirt and hiked up my dress as far as possible before I went into the bathroom in order to avoid any unpleasantries…as any woman who’s ever endured a urine specimen collection will attest to, at best, you’ll wind up with a little on your hands. At worst, there will be none in the cup when you’re done and you’re back at square one. I was really grateful for that Coke and the length of time that had gone by since I chugged it, because I filled those cups like a fucking champ, handing them one by one to Tom, who placed them ever-so-gently on the counter. I finished my business, washed my hands, and we each dipped three tests, one in each cup, placed them on the other side of the counter in a tidy little row, then went out into the main area to wait. Neither of us spoke as we stood watching the countdown timer on Tom’s phone he’d set for five minutes click off the seconds, and when it reached the two minute marker I reached for his hand, my own shaking so badly I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold on to him. He grabbed, then squeezed as he exhaled heavily.

“Are you ready?”

“HA – no, dude. No I am not. But I think they can give false results if you wait too long so…”

He nodded, and since we couldn’t fit through the door side by side, we closed our eyes until we were both inside the bathroom. His voice echoed off the walls as he spoke.

“All right, open on the count of three, then…one, two…THREE.”

I counted two sets of pink vertical lines, two sets of blue vertical lines, one grey plus sign, and one ‘pregnant’ that I’d later insist blazed in neon purple showing through the little plastic window. Six tests, six positives. I counted once more to be sure, blurting out the very first thing that came to mind.

“Oh my fucking god, Hiddleston. You did it. You knocked me UP.” I turned to take stock of his reaction, but his face wasn’t where it was supposed to be so I tipped my head downward and discovered that he’d sunk to his knees and was white as a sheet. My jaw dropped, and I put my hands on his shoulders. “Babe, are you okay? You don’t look okay. Talk to me.” His head lifted slowly, eyes blinking rapidly as he started at me, his mouth hanging halfway open, still silent. “Tom?”

He reached out and wrapped his arms around my hips, then pulled me close, resting his head on my lower belly. In which I was growing a tiny human. I felt my body go cold, and as I began to shudder Tom rose, shifted the tests to the side, then picked me up and plopped me on the counter top. He placed his hands on the sides of my face, leaning in so his forehead touched mine.

“You’re pregnant.”

I nodded, his head moving with the motion as well. “I’m…pregnant. Pregnant. Is this real? How can this be real? Who finds out they’re pregnant in the middle of their wedding? Seriously. I mean…I’m pregnant. I…I can’t believe it. I really didn’t think it would happen, you know? And it happened and it’s like one miracle on top of another and I just…” I began to sob, full-body, noisy, grateful sobs. Tom leaned back and gently pressed my head to his chest, smoothing my hair, and I could feel his body heaving as he sobbed right along with me. As much as I needed to be as close as possible to him right then, the desire to see him was greater, so I leaned back and grabbed his lapels, still weeping as I spoke. “We’re having a BABY.”

“Yes. Yes we are.” He smiled through his tears and began to sing. “You’re havin’ my baby…what a lovely way…”

I screeched and covered my ears. “NO OH MY GOD NO TOM NO I HATE THAT SONG…”

He laughed, which made me laugh as well…at least until I remembered we had a reception to attend, and pondered if we should keep this news to ourselves, and, if we went that route, precisely how we were going to do such a thing while surrounded by all the people we’d be dying to tell.