#estherroberts

[patron-saints]

olizumi. thoughts?

[estherroberts]

all this and heaven too

by @estherroberts​ and @tanosoka​

chapter five: royally fucked

fandom: ars paradoxica

content: rated g, sally/esther/bridget, post season 2 finale, lots of conversations about Feelings and lots of gay bullshit

masterpost

“We need to talk.”

“No shit.” Bridget’s heart is still racing from the near-disaster in the hallway. What is Esther thinking, getting out of bed so soon?

“Just.” Esther takes a deep breath. “Gimme a minute.”

“Sure.” Bridget leans up against her desk. “I can’t believe you walked all the way here. You absolute idiot.”

“I’m fine! I swear.” Esther coughs, doubling over. She sits back up and grins. “Do you know, you’re the second person to call me that today?”

“Oh, really? Good to know I have something else in common with Sally Grissom.”

“How did you know it was Sally?”

“I, uh.” Bridget shifts so she’s facing the wall. “Overheard. Getting ready for work. A little.”

read the rest on ao3!

[summerwoodsmoke]

all this and heaven too

by @estherroberts​ and @tanosoka​

chapter two: the dating game

fandom: ars paradoxica

content: rated g, sally/esther/bridget, post season 2 finale, lots of conversations about Feelings and lots of gay bullshit

masterpost

A disembodied voice booms, making Sally jump. “Welcome to the Dating Game!” The announcement is quickly followed by uproarious applause.

The what? Sally thinks. And why does that voice sound like Wyatt’s? Looking around, she realizes she’s sitting on a brightly colored stage, facing a live studio audience. To her left, Bridget smiles and waves at the crowd. To her right, there is a small table littered with index cards, and on the other side of it, Esther. Also, Jack Wyatt is there. And he happens to be sporting a truly hideous white suit and holding a long, thin mic.

Sally attempts to telepathically message Esther as quickly and as loudly as she can: MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME ESTHER; PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING, but Esther is oblivious to her call for help, and waves at the audience too.

“Fuck it,” Sally mumbles, and hams it up for the crowd. She doesn’t know what she’s doing here, but she might as well enjoy herself.

read the rest on ao3!

[lizzieraindrops]

intro

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

point-of-exile, CO

modern day, 20[fuck]

bill donovan is the principal of the only high school around for miles

he's a dick

like a full on dick 

seniors: june, helen, anthony, sally

juniors: penny, esther, quentin, jack, bridget 

important relationships/friendships: june/helen, helen/anthony, june/quentin, esther/bridget, jack/penny, sally & anthony, esther & jack, sally & esther

june and helen are dating each other as well as their boyfriends, they and quentin and anthony have a poly arrangement that they're all really happy with 

also, sally and anthony are really Not dating, but also they're not exactly Not Dating, either. mostly, they're best friends. 

everyone at school is slightly bemused by the gang because so many of them are dating each other (in both assorted pairs AND poly chains) and those that aren't are often so close that it's hard to tell anyway

theatre kids: why the fuck is the science department queerer than we are

height order from shortest to tallest: esther, sally, jack, bridget, penny, quentin, helen, anthony, june

sally skipped a grade and is the same age as the juniors

esther and bridget are out to everyone in the science kid gang and esther’s sort of out at school 

sally's completely out to the gang and most of school by senior year. she’s ace as hell and definitely some kind of aromantic

sally had a really awkward coming out that probably involved terrible puns

june and quentin are both bi and out (june is out to everyone except her parents) 

quentin is a demiguy and mostly goes by he/him but sometimes uses they and ze

jack is trans

helen is trans (and loosely bi, if she had to pick a label for that aspect of her identity)

anthony’s pan 

penny is demiromantic and demisexual 

helen and june are the mom and dad friends

bridget actually calls them mom and dad 

the three of them go get sandwiches at the coffee shop where penny works

and the four of them have a “our dates are nerds and we’re suffering” bond

they call themselves “the girlfriend gang”

everyone agrees the following is true:

helen: god 

june: the devil

bridget: an angel

penny: a demigod

helen for student body president 

anthony works part time at the post office. he gets very bored. sometimes the gang goes to bother him and he makes faces at them through the slots when they open the mailboxes

june works in retail, even though her parents are kind of rich. they wanted her to get the life experience. if you’ve ever worked retail you understand why she’s always angry

bridget volunteers at the library

she’s friends with all of the old lady librarians

they give her advice when she wants to plan cute dates with esther

and they all share book recommendations

and geek out while they shelve  

sally works at the ice cream shop

always gets in trouble for trying to identify the flavor formulas

gives everyone discounts

most likely to get in trouble for her hair being uncontainable

lots more under the readmore!

fitness pacer test

esther gets out of it by faking an injury

bridget does the minimum +2 laps bc she's extra

june and quentin KICK ASS bc theyre on track and go running together

sally is sprawled across the finish line

anthony cuts in line for chicken nuggets

it's like the vine, he's like

so i’m sitting there

bbq sauce on my tiddies

sally’s on the floor, dying laughing

sally wears a onesie on pj day

senior prank, somehow engineered to mess with JUST THE JUNIORS

petra does backflips at pep rallies

quentin actually pays attention in class

bridget talks A LOT in english (to the point where she’s now trying not to talk for fear of taking over the conversation) and a little in history and that’s it

esther participates a lot in almost every class but she’s frankly frightening in the sciences

jack has trouble staying focused but he’s doing his best, usually he’s okay if he brings something to fidget with

anthony is A GOOF

however, he does get suspended

for cleaning principal donovan's clock if you catch my drift

he punched him. i mean he punched him.

in the throat.

he's grounded too and everyone can't write or text or communicate with him, so they refer to this period as his time in The Punishment Cube

sally finds a way to chat tho

because she's sally

donovan quits after this.

he cannot fucking handle these weirdos.

bye bitch

sally’s only talkative in her special interest classes, otherwise she’s pretty quiet 

ESTHER AND JACK BEING OBNOXIOUS IN SCIENCE CLASSES TOGETHER

they squabble constantly

the teachers spend a whole month figuring out how to make sure they don’t have classes together (oh, god, not Them)

but esther’s in the wrong math, has to get her schedule changed, ends up in ap physics 2 with jack

magic SCHOOL BUS

the gang meets up every now and then for magic school bus marathons

with breaks for watching cosmos or bill nye

anthony tried to play the theme on the tuba once

it went very badly

cards club

esther’s the president

jack’s the only other member

they meet once a week and just play dilemma together

if you get jack and esther to work together it’s fucking eerie 

they don’t need to ask each other for stuff they just know what the other one needs

the only thing more terrifying than the two of them going after each other is the two of them going after someone else

maggie the mouse girl let all of the lab rats out

somehow helen is in band, orchestra, and choir

she plays clarinet and string bass mostly, but it doesn’t take her long to pick up something new

one year they all did their arts cred at the same time

bridget on bassoon, and she’s damn good

sally was in percussion and had way too much fun with the cymbals

anthony should have been in percussion but he played TUBA

quentin did cello

june and esther play viola, they have an ongoing rivalry for the first chair (esther’s losing!)

carmen is absolutely the principal first violin and she’s a freshman and everyone is just resigned to the fact that she’s better than all of them

sally and anthony share an “i went to smart kid camp” shirt

it’s huge on sally, who is a twig. she wears it cinched with a hair tie

it’s slutty tight on anthony 

[podcastmecaptain]

the stim bin

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​ , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post. today as well all three aforementioned dorks are neurodivergent folks writing about neurodivergent folks.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

attention: all contents incredibly neurodivergent

everyone shares those fidget cubes

collectively they have like five

in so many colors

esther also designs a giant version that’s like. the size of a KEYBOARD and with lots more options and Bigger

jack builds it

they call it the stimboard deluxe

anthony has nintendo

sally brings him all her childhood games and watches him hyperfocus

sally and anthony were the first autistic friend each other had and they love sharing weird stuff from their childhoods that nobody else liked

they have a lot of overlap of interests and they spent so long without anyone like them who really got them

and they both feel so safe and loved not only with each other but with the whole gang because everyone’s neurodiv af even if they’re not sure in exactly what way

anthony brings notes everywhere

scribble scribble

Doing The Right Thing, Doing Science For Good is sort of his ruling philosophy

a lot of times it’s really easy to lead him down the wrong path if he thinks it’s Science For Good

he has some problems with gullibility

the pressure stimming is too real

PRESSURE! STIM! HUGS!

Big Coats or Lab Coats

fiddling with his glasses

he’s bad at artistic/creative things and just doesn’t get it. he can follow a pattern tho,

polish patterns work for him, especially with tape. he likes taking care of his nails because he’s v tactile, he likes the smooth feeling of the polish and likes tapping his nails

he either gets really anxious or angry about Bad things

breakdowns, breaking things, and weirdly quick recoveries

he could hug people for hours

he usually does if he’s had a panic attack, but other than that acts like he’s fine

canon says sally eats weird and has a disturbing appetite so like,

sally separating EVERY SINGLE FOOD by group and flavor and texture and then like putting one piece of one in her mouth at a time and keeps TALKING CAUSE SHE’S A DORK

other options:

SHREDS EVERYTHING AND EATS IT WITH A STRAW

eats only EXACTLY one quarter of anything at a time and forgets the rest

uses her hands for THINGS SHE SHOULD NOT

burnt things

she love the Cronch

puts things together that should not even touch

jack cries the day he sees her dip pickles in whipped cream and shove a fistful of blue cheese blissfully into her mouth immediately after that

sally’s special interests:

electronics, gadgets, tinkering, SCIENCE, beginning quantum physics, computers

stims by tinkering and uses voice recordings for vocal stims, plays with her hair and bites her nails, spinning, dancing, tapping tools

hands on everything

the dancing is so bad and uses her full body (it’s actually so cute)

is a bad driver bc she either hyperfocuses on the road or she starts TALKING and gets lost in anything BUT driving

sally wears her lab coat everywhere

she plays with the seams, runs the fabric between her fingers, tugs on the corners of it to create pressure on her shoulders

sometimes she spins in a circle just to let the fabric flap behind her like a cape

tags on clothing are EVIL

she takes them out with a seam ripper till there’s no traces

sallys clothes are always a little large and odd bc if they’re not comfy she Dies

no really she’ll end up in a ball somewhere crying because of sensory grossness

she has serious sensory processing issues

sometimes it’s really a Drag but she loves fiddling with things so much and it feels so good and she wouldn’t give it up for the world

she has a watch that sometimes she’ll make clicking noises along with the tick tick tick tick

lots more under the readmore!

sally is the queen of weighted blankets

she always has one readily accessible in case she needs to wrap up in it

the gang Knows this and they’re always asking her to borrow one

like one time esther texts sally like “help me im having sensory issues and i need hugs”

and sally turns up with not one but TWO heavy blankets

(she may have fallen over once or twice trying to carry both of them)

(just these two lil scurrying feet on skinny legs goin patpatpatpat supporting this huge bundle of extra-weighted bedding floating down the hall)

she wraps esther in them and then squeezes her, too

for good measure, sally gets up on her tippie toes and rests her chin on esther’s head

esther, muffled: “i am a burrito now”

sally: “a precious tiny gay burrito”

or, estherrito

bridget puts her in her phone contacts as ‘ettie burrito’

and sally in turn puts her in hers as ‘questherdilla’

also oh my god when will she Stop doing fingerguns with accompanying tongue clicks

sally talks to herself

she has a little wee tape recorder named Diane because Diane

its covered in stickers

she likes to record what she’s doing to organize herself and calm down

and she’ll replay them to process things

sometimes her friends will leave happy messages on there for her

or helen will sing her a little ditty

helen is the world’s best audio stim

her voice is just really soothing

she’ll sing absently and everyone just operates more smoothly for that minute

she likes singing for herself too

humming and tapping her instrument is a soothing habit

helen is very audio/vocal

she likes to play the same song over and over again

bridget has some issues with self image

she also has obsessive tendencies, sometimes related to organization and labeling things

but also related to literature and only being able to talk about whatever she’s into

sometimes it’s easier to quote things from her favorite books instead of replying in her own words

she doesn’t like things that are uneven or unbalanced

objects OR concepts that are unfair or unequal

(except her hair. her hair is badass and she’s okay with that kind of disunity)

esther’s adhd and her big stims are

high heel clicks on the floor when she walks

fancy & feminine clothes that make her feel secure

the ritual of putting on her makeup

pencils (tapping or twirling)

HER RINGS, she has three and she spins spins spins

she likes to rub the shaved side of bridget’s head

and run her fingers through the hair on the other side

she ALWAYS has her father’s old deck of cards with her, she’s shuffled them so many times they’re completely worn down, and no one is allowed to touch them but her

they’re very soft, she has a new pack as well for crisper sound/feeling and everyday use

sometimes she uses card games as lens to make sense of the world

she has a rough time with communication and a rough time with empathy but she’s trying to work on both of those

both come easier with people she’s close to and bridget is helping her some too

it’s easy for her to hyperfocus in class and doing homework, so it took them a while to diagnose her

out of all of them, esther is the best at reminding people to be organized and do self-care (tho she doesn’t always take care of herself)

she spends a lot of her time in her own head, she really values alone time, and she needs to recharge after she spends time around people

even people she loves

jack’s also adhd, had been diagnosed for a while and has almost all of the opposite symptoms as esther (which is another one of the reasons it took them so long to figure out esther)

jack always works better after he moves, if he runs a little or bounces a ball around or is shaking his legs, rocking on his heels

he makes lots of rolling rrr sounds and blows his lips when he’s frustrated

the pencil chewing ended in splinters and the pen chewing ended in ink all over so now he has a little necklace with a chewable shark

the sharks name is Fredrico

his binder is actually kinda helpful because it’s pressure

he screws and unscrews things a lot

actually taking apart and putting back together all machinery is a Big Thing

june is dyslexic

she has cute tinted glasses to help her with studying

sometimes helen reads stuff out loud for her, she doesn’t mind but june hates to ask

for her birthday quentin bought her a five sided highlighter to color code different things

she has some emotional processing issues

it’s easier to feel angry than anything else

& her methods of dealing with anger aren’t super healthy either

quentin is the only one who actually can manage himself

Quentin is a Hydrated Boy

(he has great skin)

quentin always comes across as super chill but that’s actually because he has hella anxiety and works really hard to manage it

penny is autistic and if june and helen are the dad and mom friends and esther is the gay cousin

then sally and anthony are the autistic aunt and uncle who adopt penny as their niece

they can spot one of their own from a mile off and just decided We Gonna Take Her Under Our Big Fluffy Damn Wings

penny is the Flappiest Autistic

big happy arm flaps, upset little hand flaps, her fast excited flaps are literally the best and most joyous thing

she’s always been kinda embarrassed and insecure about it but jack is so supportive

he’s only a moderate flapper but he often flaps with her when she does it

and he calls her his butterfly

this melts her heart and makes her feel happy and not weird and when this happens she is prone to flapping even harder

she calls him her moth

they’re precious fluttery darlings

sometimes when they both get going, sally joins in too and they all spin around the room fluttering in a big flappy tornado

it’s Good 

[transarchivist]

yes!!! she calls herself daisy for crying out loud. she just wants to be seen as soft :cc

!!! yeah!!! i dunno how much she wants to be seen as soft vs really loves the aesthetic/presents like that out of habit when she’s Hunting pre-coffin, but when she was younger and Definetly post-coffin she really just wants to be soft

[bigshoeswamp]

Julianna, making a speech about the significance of Ars Paradoxica: I'd like to thank the show so much for its LGBTQIA+ representation... Esther, Bridget, Sally, Nikhil *looks at smudged writing on hand* Mattias

[ghoste-catte]

@jessicamiriamdrew i got you

heads up these are basically all Nandor/Guillermo fics because ... well, that’s what’s in the tag. that relationship can have some seriously uncomfortable dynamics especially prior to season 2, so just ... be advised. 

First, just read literally anything by kyrilu. They’re my hands-down favorite WWDITS author. It’s literally what reading a concept novel for the show would have felt like, I imagine. Top picks would be Thou Famished Grave, in which the gang accidentally adopts a manticore; The Gray Card Scheme, where Nandor goes for a second shot at American citizenship through Green Card marriage, which is remarkably sweet and affectionate for all it’s very much a crack scenario; and The Were-Butterly Effect, which is a short 5+1 about ways Guillermo tried to leave the Staten Island house. 

5 times Nandor thought he was protecting Guillermo’s virginity + 1 time he did not by Vhett (Rated E). Exactly what it says on the tin and man what contents this tin contains!! Very, very funny and yet still manages to be sexy. I’m still not over Nandor texting Guillermo’s putative Grindr hookup in all caps. 

Scenes from an Alliance by Interrobam (rated M). I do not, as a general rule, read super-long fics because I simply don’t have the attention span for them. This is one where I blew through the first 18 (? ish) chapters that were published at the time, hit the ‘Subscribe’ button and rush to every update. This is a really tightly written arranged marriage AU where Guillermo is very much in his own as a slayer. The worldbuiling is epic while also having a lot of the show’s charm (Empress Lazarro, to start; and Nandor thinking ‘simp’ is short for ‘simpleton’). The character dynamics here really shine. 

Baby Steps by katiemariie (rated M). Written and reads exactly like an episode of the show. If Nandermo became canon, I expect it would go exactly like this. Every. single. character voice. is just right on the money. So good. 

Unfamiliar Territory by madelgard (rated E). Featuring jealous!Guillermo and really, really good Nadja dialogue. Have I mentioned recently that I love Nadja? I love Nadja. Anyway this is another fic that really manages to combine the show’s humor (Colin Robinson giving Guillermo a Baskin Robbins giftcard for being sexually frustrated!) with that delightful UST that we all come to fic for. 

Blood Supply by walkwithursus (rated E). A lot of walkwithursus’ fics are super super good, but this one is my favorite. Palpable desperation and longing. And it doesn’t end with an easy “oh they’re together now and everything’s perfect”, which I find to be a major hiccup in my enjoyment of WWDITS fics. I’m here for the torture. This fic is the best kind of torture. 

And just for fun, here’s one Jenna/Nadja, which has a disappointingly small amount of fic:

two small divots by estherroberts (rated E). There’s no sentence-initial capitalization in this fic, but if that stylistic choice doesn’t bother you (it didn’t bother me), this is a surprisingly sweet fic. Jenna’s dialogue is especially true to character. 

[neutrinotempest]

And She Fell

fandom: the magnus archives

content: 1686 words. rated t. vast avatar trying her best to get back into chaos grandpa’s good graces. pre-season five. played with the formatting on this one 

shoutout to @estherroberts for encouraging me to post this bad boy!!

***

The click of heels echoed off the empty walls of the Observatory. Observatory. Please. It was a tiny second rate museum that catered to local school children and the occasional tourist. It hadn’t served any research purpose in well over a decade as technology outpaced what funding the site could acquire. And so, scientific progress progressed elsewhere. Which was fine by Audra. She wasn’t a scientist.

Wanna read more? Head on to ao3, babey!! 

[patron-saints]

@arsparadoxica just started following my podcast blog and i think i'm going to explode

[estherroberts]

all this and heaven too - masterpost

by @estherroberts and @tanosoka

read on ao3

chapter one: breathless in bed

chapter two: the dating game

chapter three: down the wrong pipe

chapter four: objectively attractive

chapter five: royally fucked 

chapter six: an invitation 

[summerwoodsmoke]

all this and heaven too

by @estherroberts​ and @tanosoka​

chapter six: an invitation

(last chapter! thanks for reading along everybody!)

fandom: ars paradoxica

content: rated g, sally/esther/bridget, post season 2 finale, lots of conversations about Feelings and lots of gay bullshit

masterpost

Esther’s feet feel like bricks, heavy and unwieldy. Her head is still pounding, and she’s dizzy with exhaustion from walking all over Point-of-Exile all day, but she’s got Bridget’s arm around her waist. That makes it more than worthwhile. She’s worried she’s leaning on her too much, but Bridget seems to be handling her okay, and Esther’s pretty sure her arms are much more toned than they once were. Maybe it’s from all the books she’s carried around. Esther finds this painfully attractive. As they approach the house, Esther stops, and tilts her chin up to kiss Bridget’s cheek.

Bridget at least has the decency to blush before demanding Esther hand over her keys, which… she does not have. She is, after all, still in her pajamas. Blushing herself, Esther knocks on the door.

Sally answers, the phone at her ear, its cord pulled tight from the holder in the kitchen. She looks at them, blinks, whispers, “Uh, gottagobye!” and runs back to hang up the phone. Bridget’s closed the door behind them by the time Sally returns, looking like she’s trying very hard to be cool by walking slowly.

“Hey!” Sally says with forced nonchalance. “How, uh, how are you guys?”

read the rest on ao3!

[lizzieraindrops]

the morning after

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​​ , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops​

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

anthony, waking up in the morning: “helen where are my ass pants”

helen: “your WHAT”

anthony: “y’know my ass pants what'd you do with them”

anthony says ‘ass’ like he can’t believe that’s what he’s saying

helen:

helen:

helen: “dearest”

helen: “do you mean shorts”

anthony: “what? no the ones you like my ass in”

helen: “thank go-”

sally, who at some point in the night relocated herself to the couch: “GROSS”

helen: “-d i thought you were so hungover”

anthony: “y’know, they're that type, y’know the small pants?”

helen:

helen:

helen: “goddamnit”

anthony: “the ass small pants”

sally: “OH THE UGLY SMALL PANTS”

helen: “god help us”

jack, yelling, "ROBERTS! WHAT THE FUCK, YOU WERE HERE LAST NIGHT. WHERE ARE YOU" he looks around, bridget's gone too, "god help us"

jack: “HELP I’M SO ALONE”

deep voice: “hey”

jack: screams

deep voice: “dude it’s penny i’m just hungover”

with her accent, she really sounds like a sad cowboy from an old western

jack: “oh thank god i thought i was about to die from some sad cowboy”

penny: nods somberly and hands him tylenol

june halfheartedly tosses pillows back where they go

she finds a socket wrench with heart stickers on it

june: “fucking geeks”

esther and bridget, looking severely crumpled ("did you sleep in a closet?" "fuck you im outta the closet") reappear and make more pancakes

june, who is used to taming her own poofy hair and despite herself, wants to help them, eventually drags them into the bathroom and fixes their hair  

she even does a little bit of makeup on them

sighing and shaking her head disappointedly the whole time

helen fell back asleep and no one wants to be the one to wake her up

they draw straws but they forgot to make one of the straws shorter

so no one does it

finally penny sits down next to helen and pokes her cheek

helen’s eyes fly open and she starts laughing

“you really drew straws for me?”

“ohh boy”

sally makes everyone scrambled eggs

they’re like, literally turning brown

“sally wtf these are all burnt, can’t you cook”

“what are you talking about, i Like them that way, they're perfect AND you're safe from salmonella”

june makes another batch, angrily

“waste of goddamn perfectly fine eggs i swear to god” “junebug” “quinto, i’m fine"

sally then attempts to eat all the burnt ones herself but she is Too Smol

jack and anthony help her

“hey,” esther says, lifting her gaze over a stack of pancakes far bigger than she is, “sally grissom talks in her sleeEeEEeEP”

lots more under the readmore!

“i do NOT”

“yeah you do, you were talking about the fucking periodic table, you nerd”

“i was AWAKE for that part”

“oh my god, you were doing that intentionally? that was, a conscious decision. that you made.”

“you weren't even here half the night, how would you know” jack throws in

esther starts blushing and bridget leans over and kisses her cheek

“wyyaaattt,” sally chastises him

she uses her own fork to scoop up more burnt eggs and shoves them at jack’s face

“sally could you not stab me in the face with your salmonella-free fork”

quentin leans forward, rests his elbows on the counter. “we need to start asking the real questions.”

“what's that q?” anthony asking with his mouth full

“who the hell was eating popcorn last night!?”

everyone, at the same time: “not me!”

quentin, softly, “what the fuck”

jack: “hey i have a question.”

esther, from behind her pancakes “shut up jack”

he holds his hand to his heart: “how many lips doth mine lips hath touched”

bridget: “that’s not even like….was that supposed to be shakespeare?”

“‘no! god, i’m like, making shit up dreyfuss what do you want"

she just slightly lifts her eyebrows and turns away

“wait seriously though how many people did i kiss"

helen, from somewhere: “definitely anthony-”

anthony: “yeah my neck is killing me thanks buddy”

penny: “-i don’t know but i have never seen a high five as extra as that one you gave sally”

they promptly reenact the high five, to everyone's hungover expense

“UP HIGH JACK, WOOO YEAHHH”

everyone winces as their hands SMACK

including them

the force of it almost knocks sally into esther’s pancake pile

jack makes two seconds of awkward eye contact with quentin and then Averts

quentin actually blushes a little bit

he quickly spears some of the burnt eggs and promptly chokes on them

somewhere down the line: “that was weird right?” “right, let’s never ever mention it” “right”

(and no one ever talks about that kiss, but there is one ESTHERception)

(esther and jack are like, hanging out at his house playing a videogame or something)

(“hey jack! remember when you kissed quentin! that was pretty great”)

(he smacks her with the controller)

(“soft” she whispers, laughing)

(he smacks her again, a little harder)

"hey guys" "yeah" "what day is it" "tues-FUCK"

"fFUCK"

“THE FAIR” “the SCIENCE FAIR”

“EVERYONE GET IN THE VAN”

everyone who’s competing, bridget, and penny, all pile in and esther realizes she forgot her rings

she runs back inside and june and helen are making out

“nice, uh, nice hair, june,” she laughs, and runs back out to the van

“WAIT.” anthony at the wheel, slams his hands against it. “HELEN SAID SHE WAS COMING. FOR MORAL SUPPORT.”

he jumps out of the car before esther can warn him and she just starts laughing again

he comes back shaking his head

june and helen, holding hands, follow him and climb over everyone to get in the back

THE WORLD'S MOST CROWDED WOODIE VAN RIDE LATER

THE WORLD'S MOST DISHEVELED PRESENTATION

SOMEHOW GOES OFF WITHOUT A HITCH

okay well. there is one hitch. a slight hitch.

anthony’s… ‘small ass pants’ are still missing

so he had to borrow a pair of leggings from june

they have poppies on them and he looks very cute but he's very disappointed about the ass pants

so anthony’s part of the presentation is given in flowery leggings, with a massive hickey and a split lip, and all this while WILDLY hungover

he's. he's a sight.

THEY STILL DO GREAT

bridget and helen clap and cheer for them when they finish presenting

penny hollers like she’s at a baseball game

june whistles at anthony and compliments his leggings, which are. her leggings

but their project still loses to a volcano called trinity peak with illegal firecrackers inside it due to studENT BODY POLITICS

everyone agrees it’s bullshit and they all go to the chuck e. cheese’s for sober pizza

chet recoils when he sees them

anthony winks saucily

june’s parents get home the next day, and they ask her if she partied

“no i had 8 people over tho, we cuddled”

“why is there a cell phone in the pool”

“why are the neighbors complaining about a rotten potato”

“why is there a pair of shorts in the garbage disposal?”

“they’re quentin’s???”

“they say ‘this ass property of H.’ on the tag”

“oh god”

(june also owns at least one pair of pants that say this on the tag. she does not feel it’s relevant to mention that to her parents)

[podcastmecaptain]

post pecking pool party

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​​ , @podcastmecaptain, and @lizzieraindrops​

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

june obviously has a pool

jack notices it through a window and immediately goes to tell everyone

much to june’s chagrin

“is it heated”

“if it isn’t will it keep you people OUT- aaand they’re already gone”

“fuck”

none of them have suits and honestly most people wouldn’t fit in june’s anyway because she is built like an amazon and towers over them

they swim in their clothes or their underwear depending their level of comfort

helen’s somehow already floating around in an inflatable mermaid clamshell with a pearl pillow

she’s a queen, literally, venus,

it’s way too much for everyone, sally is compelled to get on her knees. she then falls into the pool

anthony cries

honestly he would be crying even if he wasn’t drunk

june and anthony have a moment staring dumbstruck at helen and sigh in unison

they’re kind of disgusted that they’re doing it in synchrony but helen just has that effect on everyone

“can you believe she’s dating us” anthony asks, not taking his eyes off of helen

“no” june replies, her gaze locked in the same direction

june trips anthony into the pool and blows a kiss to her girlfriend, who catches it magnanimously

jack drops his phone in

deliberately

it seemed funny at the time

two minutes later he whispers “oh, fuck” to himself and dives in after it

he keeps dropping it and eventually just whispers “bye”

they play chicken

sally rides on anthony’s shoulders

esther rides on jack’s

but they’re not athletes. they’re nerds.

esther and sally sort of swat at each other but they can’t really grapple properly

and anthony and jack are both drunk and tired so

both topple over very quickly indeed

june and quentin claim the hot tub away from all the nerds

anthony recruits jack and together they bring a bucket of cold water to dump it on them

they are forced to rejoin the masses

june gets revenge by dunking both of them

esther likes to sit on the bottom of the pool with her hair floating around her and sally waves to her every time she passes by

there’s an impromptu singing

“unDA DA SEA”

“UNDA DA SEA”

“DARLING ITS BETTER DOWN WHERE ITS WETTER TAKE IT FROM ME”

“WE GET IT YOU’RE GAY”

“…”

“…”

“OH MY FUCKING GO D”

lots more under the read more!

helen actually does a drunk rendition of how far i’ll go and she temporarily is an actual siren

she breaks the spell by giggling and making a bunch of dolphin noises

sally cannonballs and splashes everyone

penny is just like, doing laps

she asks jack to race her but he can only doggie paddle

esther hands him a kick board as a joke and he actually uses it

he still loses the race

tho he uses it the rest of the night so he doesn’t drown

bridget dangles her feet in until esther gets ahold of her ankles

they take turns carrying each other bridal style all around the pool after that

quentin hums the jaws theme and everyone is uncomfortable

esther, jack, and june act as a panel of esteemed judges to a diving contest

anthony belly flops

sally just does another cannonball

penny’s is decent? but

even drunk, helen’s swan dive is better than anyone’s and she wins by a landslide

bridget squirts jets of water at everyone

it starts a huge nine way war

there are some alliances

some unusual alliances

bridget and quentin team up and have a battle against sally and penny, for example

jack retrieves the bucket

esther shakes her hair like a dog and splatters everyone  

but everyone gets betrayed eventually and they’re all soaked anyway

who isn’t

it’s a pool

it ends when helen bounces on top of her clamshell and it sends out a fucking tidal wave

no survivors

sally and jack team up and somehow steal anthony’s shorts

sally to jack: “i don’t generally go for taking off people’s pants but what if we just. fuckin. stole anthony’s shorts”

they don’t remember what they did with them but they are Lost To The Sands Of Time

anthony is nonplussed by these events

anthony swims under the clam thing and starts drunkenly pushing it around the pool

he’s giggling

sally steps on that moving pool vacuum thing and screams like a white girl in a horror movie

the neighbors yell at them and june sneaks toward them with a hose

everyone frantically shakes their head and the cops are, not called

quentin sighs happily bc that’s his girl

sally gets cold first because she is Tiny

june is asked to get towels for everyone bc no one thought this through

she almost tosses all of the towels into the pool but helen catches her

esther and jack huddle together like tiny penguins and she rests her head on his shoulder

the girlfriend gang is all flopped on each other

quentin has his head on penny’s stomach, looking up at the sky

she’s holding jack’s free hand

anthony has his arms wrapped around sally

they eventually morph into one big cuddle pile

once they go inside, june doles out as many large shirts/pjs that she has

sally and esther are literally swimming in all options, help them, they are smol

Tiny

everyone has something to change into, and then they raid her house for blankets and pillows and pile back into the living room

they make a pillow fort that’s more like A CASTLE bc they have so many scientists trying to physics the bedding

“i’m a fucking engineer you gotta put THE DAMN COUCH CUSHIONS AT AN ANGLE OF-”

sally has twinkle lights and strings them up

“where the FUC did those come from” “my bag” “WHAT”

she has an electronics kit in her bag at all times and the lights are kind of part of it so she always has them on hand

she also pulls out a rotting potato battery and runs out to chuck it over the neighbors’ fence

jack: so, uh, what’s the sleeping arrangement here?

june: the FLOOR

jack: no i mean like so many of you are like dating each other how do you decide who cuddles who

sally: heLLO

sally: we ALL cuddle each other, we were JUST doing that like 20 minutes ago?

everyone: yeah she’s right

quentin has the genius idea to bring in a space heater and put it on low

they are so cozy

ultimate cozy

heads drop to shoulders and laps

everyone falls asleep on each other

someone wakes everyone up crunching popcorn and everyone swears but they have no idea who it was in the morning

esther insists it was the tiiiIIIimMMmmE ghosts

she tries to tell a ghost story about popcorn but she’s so tired and it’s so bad and she falls asleep in the middle of it

everyone else was already asleep again by that point

“partridge!” sally hisses at about 4 in the morning

“grissom? what in sweet jesus’ tits, go, to, sleep,”

“i can’t sleep”

“mmmph.” anthony rolls onto his back, and then rolls to face her

“what’s gonna help with that?”

“i don’t know, how do you feel about reciting the entire periodic table of the elements? that’d be soothing”

he chortles “not on your life”

in the dim light he can see her roll her eyes “fine”

“come here”

she curls closer to him and rests her head on his chest

“better?”

“mmmhmm”

[ao3feed-themagnusarchives]

and i feel fine

by estherroberts

tma femslash week day 6!! prompt was apocalypse, which i did, kind of

daisy calls the institute where basira is now the head

Words: 387, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F

Characters: Basira Hussain, Alice "Daisy" Tonner

Relationships: Basira Hussain/Alice "Daisy" Tonner

Additional Tags: spoilers for 160!

source http://archiveofourown.org/works/22158808