#eva answers questions without fucking answering questions

[electricalhuzzah]

What would happen if bill cut his hair?

CAN he cut his hair? Is it like a Rapunzel in tangled the series type situation? Is he just not allowed? Would it turn into a bunch of smaller snakes? What if he shaved it? What then?

I’ve thought about this quite a bit and I need to know Eva

oooo this is an interesting one. let’s see if i can answer it and not create new plotholes accidentally. actually,,, lemme answer in the form of a not-fic-canon drabble >:D well, not-canon as far as the story, canon as far as the mechanics.

taking place as a variant of chapter 5 after ford bandages the stupid oyster shucking wound. tl;dr at end. a little bit suggestive. enjoy, or don’t, this is a little fucking stupid

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The ex-deity sat upon the kitchen counter, legs crossed as he swirled his wine. Smiling in good humor, a bandaged cut on his hand, snakes atop his head slithering excitedly as though they, too, were laughing. The light of the sunset came in through the window and hit Bill’s face just right, illuminating his skin and smile a beautiful golden color.

It was then Ford thought to himself, how could something this beautiful possibly be a mistake?

Ford put the oysters into the oven and set an egg timer before moving back over to Bill, leaning on the island opposite the counter where Bill sat.

“You know, if we’re going to keep this a secret, those snakes are gonna give us away quick,” Ford stated. “Earlier today, we got lucky that I’d brushed them out right before Stanley saw us. If we were fighting and those damn snakes looked all happy, we’d be discovered quickly.”

Bill pondered for a moment. “You’re right. And it’s not like I can keep brushing them out all the damn time.”

The scientist tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Is… cutting them an option?”

“Huh. Guess I never thought about it,” Bill shrugged. He reached across the counter to the knife block, pulling out a pair of kitchen scissors which was immediately wrestled away from him.

“You’re not using sharp objects for a while,” Ford grumbled, putting the scissors back in the knife block. “Can’t you just ask your axolotl-therapist-guy anyhow?”

Bill pouted. “Awh, where’s the fun in that?” He hooked his leg around his partner’s knee. “Wouldn’t you rather find out for yourself?”

Ford couldn’t explain exactly why the action, or perhaps the way Bill said his words, made his heart stutter. “My muse, we’ve had enough problems with various parts of you getting cut already. If someone you can access already has the answer, it’d be much easier to—“

The blonde hummed quietly as he touched Ford’s chest, which managed to shut him up quickly. “Wasn’t it Gotthold Lessing who said something like—” He leaned in close to whisper in the scientist’s ear, “—If God were to hold all Truth concealed in his right hand, and in his left only the steady and diligent drive for Truth, albeit with the proviso that I would always and forever err in the process, and to offer me the choice, I would with all humility take the left hand. —?”

Ford refused to explain why that, also, made his heart stutter. “A-Are you trying… to quote philosophers… in order to get me to do something we both know would be stupid?”

Bill gave a little grin as he pulled away from Ford’s ear. “Is it turning you on a little bit?”

“I really don’t wanna answer that.”

The ex-deity handed his partner the kitchen scissors once more. “You can do the honors, smart guy.”

Ford snipped the scissors at thin air experimentally. “Should I just—“

“Yeah, just snip the head off one,” Bill said with a nod.

The scientist cringed at the suggestion. “That feels like decapitation.”

Bill rolled his eye. “They’re not alive, IQ. They’re made of hair. Just snip it!”

“No!” Ford protested. “At least brush them out first, so I don’t have to look in their eyes as I decapitate them!”

The ex-deity obliged, running a hand through his hair until the snakes disbanded into little strands of honey blond hair. “Happy?”

Ford gingerly took a lock of hair between two fingers, and snipped off what must’ve been five inches of Bill’s long hair. To his wonder, the lock appeared to spontaneously grow back at inhuman speeds, all the way to the length it was before he cut it.

“Astounding,” Ford marveled as the snakes began to reform in his very hand. One slithered up the side of Bill’s face to headbutt his forehead disapprovingly.

Just then, a chime rang from Bill’s prism watch. When he checked it, the message wasn’t anything like what he’d seen before.

DON’T DO THAT AGAIN.

“Hm, I suppose that settles it,” Ford conceded.

Bill looked up from the glowing face of his prism-watch. “Where are your clippers?”

Ford blinked with surprise. “Bill, the watch said—“

“Yeah, I know what the watch said, Sixer!” Bill exclaimed. “But goddamnit, I wanna have sex with you, and I do not want your brother to punch me in the face again! And getting rid of these damn telltale snakes is the only way to actually keep us a secret! So unless you have any better ideas, please, tell me— where are your clippers??”

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“For the record, I still think this is a terrible idea,” Ford said, clippers buzzing in his hand.

“Come on!” Bill pleaded. “Worst case scenario, they grow back, and we try fire next.”

“No, worst case scenario is finding out you’re not only bald, but you have a lumpy head,” Ford muttered. “And it would be a shame if I had to break up with you for such a petty reason.”

Not finding the joke nearly as funny as his partner did, Bill flicked Ford’s forehead disapprovingly. “Just start shaving, smart guy.”

Hesitantly, Ford pressed the blade of the clippers to Bill’s hairline and dragged them from the front of his head to the back. He made quick work, like ripping off a band-aid, hoping to get the pain of losing his partner’s gorgeous hair done and over with. When he was done, he turned off the clippers and tried to suppress a grimace at how Bill looked with his new buzz-cut.

“Are they growing back?” Bill asked.

Ford carded through the centimeter-short hair, trying not to grieve the blond locks on the kitchen floor. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“Cool!” Bill replied, running his hands just across the top of his head. Ford withdrew his own hand, biting his tongue as to how much he disliked the new look.

Just as the scientist repressed his complaint, he saw something. The tiniest spark, coming from Bill’s control collar. Another tiny spark, and another.

Then, a not-so-tiny spark. One that made Bill jolt, then convulse, then scream. Ford could do nothing but watch as his partner’s every muscle forcibly contracted at the sudden electrocution. Between each flash of impossibly bright light, another few inches of Bill’s blonde hair grew back.

Only when Bill’s shirt began to smoke did the shocks stop coming. His hair, with newly reformed snakes, had grown back to their original length. Amidst panting and shaky breaths, the two heard another chime from Bill’s prism-watch.

I SAID NOT TO DO THAT. THE THERAPRISM HAS A BUDGET, YOU KNOW.

“Are you alright?” Ford asked, his hands clutching Bill’s shoulders like precious stones.

Bill let out a hiss of pain through his teeth. “Not exactly, ya genius.”

Ford bit the inside of his cheek, wincing at himself. “Sorry. Stupid question.”

“No, that’s… I was the one who…” Bill sighed, burying his head in Ford’s chest. “Y’know, for an all-knowing dream demon, and a genius with twelve PhD’s… we’re pretty stupid.”

The scientist chuckled, laughter running a little rumble down his pillowy chest that inexplicably soothed Bill.

“So, you said something about trying fire next?” Ford ribbed, burying his face in Bill’s newly regrown snake-hair.

Bill groaned at the mockery. “Absolutely not.”

“Oh, absolutely not? But what about Lessing? What about the steady and diligent drive for truth?” Ford teased.

“You’re an ass.”

“I know, why don’t we try acid next!” Ford suggested sarcastically. “Surely that’s a good idea!”

Rolling an eye, Bill placed a peck on Ford’s crackled little lips. “Would it kill you to shut up?”

“It would, actually,” Ford crooned, going soft at the gentle kiss. “Keep kissing me, though, and it might ease the pain of death.”

As much as Bill wanted to give his lover a slow and painful death for being such an obnoxious asshole, he did not. He opted, instead, for the kiss.

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when the haircut so bad they electrocute u :(

^ me but yapping 😎

tl;dr— bill’s snake hair has set length and doesn’t grow beyond that, so no practical needs for haircuts. he is Greatly Discouraged from cutting it (read: electrocution). if it is cut, it magically regrows to its set length. if it’s shaved, ford pitches a fit and it is Greatly Discouraged (read, once again: electrocution).

[hauntingblue]

Evangelion movie hello

[vexwerewolf]

In your opinion, what is the most fuckable Lancer frame?

Dusk Wing, windmill slam.

Now some Lanceblrs are probably gonna call me a basic bitch, but let me explain my reasoning here.

Now I'm a monsterfucker. I like fucking monsters. And we can all talk about fantasies and shit but if I'm gonna take a mech's dick - and I am, I'm the bottom in this scenario and I'm planting my flag right now - it needs to be Size 1/2. I'm sorry, but no human body is capacious enough to accept the schlong of a Size 1 mech. I don't care if you've been training on Chance XLs your entire adult life, the GMS Standard-Pattern Size 1 fuckpole is meant for mechs of its own size class only. My pelvic floor would disintegrate upon touching it. It's a non-starter. Size 1/2s only.

Unfortunately, this restriction leaves me with a distressingly small stable of viable mechs, some of which are instant disqualifications.

The Caliban is right out the window, immediately. It's not a machine intended to be an image of man fucking large. It was never meant to thrust across the battlefield erotically to affect a greater orgasm. It is a tool designed to kill human beings very, very quickly. The Caliban is married to the job, and the only ejaculations it produces are 8-gauge buckshot. I'm going to confidently put it down as asexual. Also, the awkward arrangement of its hips would produce deeply inadequate thrusting.

The Kobold is clearly into BDSM, and specifically, waxplay. The Kobold likes to cause you erotic pain by dripping molten fluids all over your naked, trembling body, and don't get me wrong, that's hot - but we're talking like 900 degrees hot. I want my body to burn with forbidden passion, not to actually catch fire because it's covered in superheated chemicals that shouldn't ever touch. Besides, their spiky carapace feels like it would be a problem for some of the positions I want to try.

The Napoleon and I actually dated once and it didn't go very well at all so he's right out.

Now you'd think on first glance that the Atlas is the perfect fuckbuddy - anthroform, roughly the correct height, weight and shape, and possessed of those athletic, muscular arms that can just pin you down while going to town on you. That's all well and good, but he's so painfully boring. All he ever wants to do is fuck missionary, and his idea of aftercare is watching Demon Slayer. I can't. I just can't.

The Goblin wouldn't return my calls. After the third try, it just texted me this:

0S1R1Smaxx1ng: girl fuck off harrison iii just added me to a group chat

Now, that leaves the Dusk Wing, which fortunately for us presents several advantages.

Firstly: hands. Six of them (at bare minimum). You know how hot it is to be pinned to the wall by your wrists, your ankles and STILL get your tits and ass groped? Those hands are dextrous and surprisingly gentle, and when those fingers go in your mouth, you can bite down hard without hurting your jaw or chipping your teeth.

Secondly: comfort. The Dusk Wing is based off of old EVA hardsuit designs, built for ergonomics, so a lot of its non-armored sections are made out of flexible polymer that doesn't chafe against your skin. The armored sections are smooth composite. There's no spurs or spikes, no jagged or protruding elements, and no crush hazards. Heat rejection systems mostly point backwards from the mech, which might be a problem if I wanted to be on top, but we've already established I don't.

Thirdly: memetics. I'm an absolute freak for mind control, and the Dusk Wing can make me feel like I'm being fucked by sixteen of itself at once. It can squeeze my tongue and whisper its name to me and make me feel like me and it are the only things in the entire universe. It can show me myself climaxing over and over and over and over and over and over.

I hope this excessively answers your question.

[47lake]

need me

synopsis: you’re on a road trip when you run into eva at a gas station, it’s getting late and she invites you to her place. things quickly grow hot and heavy as the magnetic stranger lures you in further.

‼️: dom!eva, sub!reader, manipulation, coaxing, smut, cursing, oral, fingering, controlling, praise, idk they’re fucking w/c: 2.4k

you scanned the gas station shelves, carefully eyeing over the small selection of snacks. you were stuck between some m&ms and some takis, a pros and cons list forming in your mind of each option. the question of ‘which would be easier to eat for another 63 miles?�� danced through your head.

you were deep in thought as the smell of warm vanilla ran through your nose. you turned around, scanning the store for the culprit.

that’s when you spotted her, her gaze already even with your own, like she had carefully handpicked you out of everyone in the small, crowded room.

her eyes held yours just above the shelves, her bright blue stare and blonde locks the only thing visible overtop the bright bottles.

you felt your feet leading you across the aisles, it was like she was luring you in.

once you got to her chosen aisle you stoped, now face to face with the captivating girl.

“hi.”

she turned away from the array of drinks in front of her.

“hey, what’s your name?”

her voice oozed with invitation, it was like she was pulling your darkest secrets out of your throat without the need to even ask. everything about her seemed so sweet, so warm.

your name left your lips before you could realize you had opened your mouth, your hand flew to cover it, like you could put it back somehow.

“what a beautiful name, you can call me eva.”

you smiled, scanning her over in an attempt to figure out why you felt so drawn to her.

she turned her back to you and made her way to the register, to no surprise you followed right on her heels.

“so, what brings you into town? i can see you aren’t from here.”

your eyes danced around the store as you took in her newly formed perception, looking for an answer that would pique her interest while also making yourself appear relaxed.

“just passing through, i’m on a road trip of sorts.”

she nodded along as she stepped up to the register, motioning for you to put your m&ms down next to her items.

“oh, you don’t have to..”

your sentence trailed off as she pulled them gently from your hand.

“i insist.”

her hand lingered on yours as you listened to the barcode scan.

“that’ll be 11.78”

her touch left just as quickly as it appeared, somehow you already missed her warm and soft skin.

you looked around the register, eyeing the extensive collection of magnets that came from all over, several countries and states with beautiful designs. each magnet unique in its own way.

“well, are you coming?”

you snapped away from the suddenly unimportant magnets and saw her waiting in the doorway, the bell over the door ringing out as it swayed back and forth. you told the cashier thank you and hurried out behind her.

“it’s getting a little late and there’s not any hotels near by, you should come stay at my place.”

you stopped in your tracks and met her gaze again, thinking it over, or you were trying to. it was hard to focus with her gaze seeping into your skin.

“that’d be great! ..unless you’re like gonna kill me or something..?”

she smiled and laughed as she fished your m&ms out of the plastic bag in her hand.

“i promise i won’t ‘like kill you or something’.”

she pointed down a winding road with dark trees lining each side, a street light flickered in the distance, she turned to be sure you saw her.

“i’m right down this road, just follow me.”

she walked over to her car as you got back into your own, gripping the steering wheel as you started it up.

were you really about to go spend the night with a stranger?

well, at least she’s a pretty stranger.

you watched across the small parking lot as she began to drive off, you followed closely behind her, per usual.

after a short drive you arrived a rather large house, far too big for just one person. you shrugged it off and parked, turning the car off and hopping out.

“this is all for you?”

she smiled and admired the grand structure.

“oh, no. i live with a few friends but they’re all away on a retreat right now, they won’t be home for a few more days.”

you nodded and gathered your belongings out of your trunk, locking your car as eva led you inside.

as your foot passed the threshold of the doorway you were greeted by a smell you couldn’t quite place, something sweet and nostalgic yet earthy almost.

you took in the spacious interior as your eyes danced around the open floor plan.

“follow me.”

two simple words, somehow silky smooth yet firm, in a way that you obliged without a second thought.

at this point she could practically put you on a leash the way you followed her around like a moth to a flame.

she gave you a simple tour of the place, the bathroom, the room where you’d stay, the kitchen, the whole nine yards.

you ended the tour at the end of a lined hallway, a dark oak door pulled shut, warm light peering just under the edge.

“this is my room, just in case you need something in the night.”

she pushes the door open and you slowly step inside, taking in the warm ambient lighting coating the off-white walls, the space somehow simple yet intricate. wood accents flowed throughout, perfectly contrasting the pale paint. greenery bloomed in corners, housed in beautiful pots and vases.

various art pieces were scattered around, each piece unique yet somehow on the same plane as the others. one wall covered completely by a dark bookshelf, housing dozens of novels and stories as well as vinyl for miles. an antique record player sat in the corner, it was something you could tell was personal to her.

“like what you see?”

you smile and turn to her, not realizing how enamored you had become with the space.

“sorry, i just love what you’ve done in here.”

she nodded and ran her hand over your shoulders, goosebumps now adorning your skin.

“i appreciate that, look as long as you like.”

her hand drops and your heart rate follows close behind, returning to a normal and steady pace.

you walk over to the grand bookshelf, eyes dancing around the colorful spines as you look over her vast collection.

“you can borrow one if you like.”

you shake your head, yet smiling at her offer.

“thank you, but i’m not a big reader, i envy people like you that are.”

that’s when you make your way over to her vinyl, this array somehow seemed larger than the previous one.

you could tell she took good care of her music, artists ranging from the beetles to tyler, the creator.

“this must’ve taken years to collect.”

your fingers run along the shelves as you take guesses as to just how many albums there were in front of you.

“oh yes, i’ve been collecting since i was a young teen.”

you nod along and start to head towards the door.

“i’m sorry for encroaching on your space, i-“

she places a soft hand on yours, cutting off your sentence, her other hand grasping your now rosy cheek.

“don’t apologize, you’re welcome any time, love.”

your eyes meet for a second, she only pulls her focus away to study your features, like she was putting a puzzle together in her mind.

“so gorgeous..”

the words as quiet as a whisper, just under her breath but loud enough for you to hear. her thumb gliding gently over the soft skin of your cheek. your face went hot as you fully understood what she had said.

“oh, shit. sorry, i didn’t mean to say that.”

her hand dared to pull away from your face at her realization, you brought your hand up quickly and placed it over hers, ensuring it stay in place.

“no, it’s okay.”

your eyes locked again, those blue eyes washing over you like warm waves in the evening sun. her light freckles painted her nose and her ever so slightly pink cheeks in perfect constellations.

that’s when your lips met, you hadn’t even realized you were leaning in until you felt her plump lips on your own. it felt as though you were unwrapping a present on christmas eve, timid at first, careful and cautious. quickly it became all you could focus on, filling your senses entirely. you wanted to peel back the layers and find out what hid inside.

your arms wrapped around her neck as hers found home on your hips, she quickly took control of the the kiss, you happily let her, of course.

the feeling of her touch, the way she smelled, the desperation between the two of you, it was consuming you entirely. you were drowning in her and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

her grasp on your hips became firm as she walked you backwards towards the bed, your knees quickly hit the edge and you fell back against it. your lips disconnected as you hit the comforter, she was now standing over you, a sly, proud smile painted all over her face.

“i’ve been wanting to do this since i first saw you.”

her lips melded to the sensitive parts of your neck, you tucked your lip between your teeth to keep your composure.

“you just seemed so sweet, so easy, like a lost fawn.”

her stamps of adoration traveled to your collarbone as she spoke, low and gravelly.

“i know you want this, that sweet face tells on you.”

your hands ran through her hair as she teased you. grasping for handfuls when she hit a sensitive spot.

her lips left your poor skin with a pop, she was now inches away from your face, eyeing you over like prey.

“tell me how badly you want me.”

her hand ran gently between your legs, eliciting a small gasp from your lips as she applied pressure.

“so bad, i want you so bad.”

she pulled your loose hoodie up over your head, revealing your bare chest. her foxy grin returning as she runs her fingertips gently across the exposed skin.

“so pretty like this, all for me, isn’t that right?”

you nod and squeeze the fabric beneath you as she rolls your nipples between her index and thumbs. shocks course through your veins like electricity, she was making you feel good and she knew it.

“poor thing, you would’ve been so lost without me, so lucky that i found you.”

wet kisses cascade across your chest, close enough to make you gasp yet far enough to make you whine.

you can feel her smiling into your skin, pleased with the mess she was making of you. slowly but surely she makes her way down, running her tongue just above the waistline of your sweats.

you push your hips up, eager for the relief only she could bring.

“patience sweetheart, you can take it.”

her warm fingers creep under the elastic and she pulls them down torturously slow, kissing your hips tenderly all the while.

once they were fully off a teasing, cocky smirk tugged at her lips. your impatience clearly collecting in your navy underwear.

“you’re doing so well, i know how badly you need me.”

her thumb pressed firmly against the puddle and into your core, your back arches off the bed at the contact, already aching for more. her fingers work slow circles against your sensitive bud through the fabric.

a loud gasp erupts from your throat at the sensation, the fabric giving you much needed friction. your hips rolling against her touch already, she can’t tear her eyes away from the sight.

she meets your gaze finally as she lowers her head down, biting the edge of the fabric and pulling it off with her teeth, her eyes never leaving yours.

“prettier than i could’ve ever imagined.”

she ran her tongue through the coating of need, pulling it away quickly, she was such a tease. she hummed in approval.

“so sweet, perfect for such a sweet girl.”

you huffed and angled your hips closer to her face, desperate for more. you whined and whimpered as she watched, her hands remained firm around your thighs, squeezing them tightly.

her tongue slowly broke you open, sinking deeper inside of you as you moaned out. her eyes remained locked on you as you squirmed beneath her, relishing in the pleasure she was giving you.

she pulled you closer as her tongue darted in and out, eager to see you unravel further. her nose hitting your clit with each stroke never failing to make you gasp.

she traveled up to your clit, running circles around it and taking it between her lips, basking in the loud moans as she coaxed them out of you.

she slipped one finger in, your slick desire letting her in with ease. you tightened around her as she moaned against you, slipping another finger in simultaneously.

“tell me how good i make you feel, i want to hear you say it.”

her fingers sped up as she waited for a reply, making sure your words would come out in between choked moans.

“feels, good.. you feel.. so good..”

you could hardy speak with the way she was pulling loud moans from you like it was nothing. you couldn’t think with how focused you were on the satisfaction she was so generously giving you.

“no one makes you feel this good, isn’t that right?”

her lips returned to your clit as she moaned against you, urging a response from you.

a long string of rushed ‘mhm’s came as you bit your lip, trying to keep your ever approaching release at bay. she pulled away again and instead brought her other hand to your clit, tracing quick circles against you as she applied pressure.

“very good.”

her pace suddenly became inhumane, the room became hazy and the world grew quiet as she fucked into you. she knew you were getting close and you could hardly hold back anymore.

“ev- i’m!-“

you heard her cocky laugh and then she spoke.

“i know, so precious, let it all out for me. you can do that can’t you?”

you let go and your orgasm rolled over you like a tidal wave, engulfing you entirely. you shook in her grasp as you slowly came down from your high. falling against the bed as you heaved, catching your breath.

“so .. good..”

she smiled as she laid next to you, pleased with your relaxed state.

“yeah? what do you think you should say then?”

“thank you, eva.”

hope you guys enjoy this !! 🖤

i think i’ve FINALLY escaped writers block thank GOD.

thank you for the req! send any requests to my inbox ! 📥

(i’ve been kind of slow with them but i promise they’re coming soon!!)

💋: @vharperr @brat-at-the-disco-deactivated20 @thechipbetweenyourcarseat @dollyvuu @greenbttrflyy @eilishslut @karaeilishh @moralesluvr @anna-geeeezzzz @certifiedwomenlover @asterisk-eyes @mseilishmwah @eeuni @ohdoyoustillcry @bilsdillldough @amara-eilish @chrissv4mp @vijaxx @drunkinyourbenz @adinda-eilish @bxllxebxtch @mybluebossanova masterlist taglist

[littlelesbinonny]

The Devil's Den

Chapter 49: In Which Devil's Come Out To Play Pt. 2

You can read this here also: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46831621/chapters/159231340

You'd lost track of the cigarettes Alcina had burned through since the meeting began.

To be fair you'd not even glanced at the clock on the wall since the meeting began.

It had been a whirlwind. Constant interruptions and detours. Flinging, grabbing and shuffling of papers, documents, and items - and with so many people talking over one another trying to keep up with one conversation to the next rendered you to simply sit in your seat, listen to what you could, and speak when you were spoken to. The heated exchanges would come and go; accusations, insinuations, insult exchange, jabs and plenty of unanswered questions that just continue to feed the flame of bickering.

You weren't entirely sure any of these vampires really wanted answers at all. They seemed so occupied in stirring the proverbial pot and tossing hypothesis after hypothesis that they weren't even looking at the evidence in front of their faces.

Mother Miranda had clearly done all the things Alcina and everyone else in the Shadowed Dominion's realm had said - why the fuck was there all this finger pointing and back and forth nonsense?

"I still blame whatever this perverted scheme of Mother Miranda's need to create the 'perfect vampire' on you, Alcina," Marguerite added into the cacophony of noise, "all this fall-apart started with that little human lover of yours; so many more regulations to be a vampire got thrown into place - then you were made a matriarch - Mother's long disappearances following afterwards - there hadn't been such an upset in the underworld until you - "

"Miranda's psychotic little episode that created this had nothing to do with Alcina," you butted it immediately, feeling Alcina's fire light once again at your side, "yes, she believed Alcina was her first real stepping stone to her perfect line of vampire, but that didn't go according to her plans - why do you think she became progressively obsessed with those vampire initiation tests? But this was all set into motion a long time ago, even before she murdered her own child for it."

For the first time in five hours there was a loud resounding silence that filled the room.

Every pair of eyes set on you.

No pressure.

"Excuse me?" Marguerite asked sharply, "and what exactly would you know abo -"

"Would you kindly shut your mouth for five minutes," Verona huffed as she leaned into the table, her fierce eyes shooting the woman's ego in the foot, "let her speak!" The gilded woman softened her face as she looked at you, nodding encouragingly, "please, you know something about Eva?"

You nodded in return and took a deep steadying breath looking around at everyone, "yes... Miranda told me she and Eva had great plans to become the strongest breed of vampire alive so that they could live amongst humans again. They wanted to overrun the human world, take control over it, and to be loved and worshipped like gods. But Eva fell in love with a human boy. Miranda was livid her daughter was more occupied with her feelings for him and no longer their plans, so she killed her."

More silence.

"When did she tell you this?" Verona inquired, heavily intrigued.

"While I was tied to a chair during her attempted takeover."

Another pause, until Verona took a very noticeable breath.

"You must understand, Eva's death has been at the silent speculation of most of our eldest kind for centuries... No one has ever known the truth. This reveal is shocking."

"Exceptionally," Belinda added, "Mother Miranda's greatest obsession was the love she held for her daughter. For her to kill her, it does not seem right."

Verona nodded, "no, perhaps not, but if this is what she told you - "

"Mon dieu," Marguerite cut in, "s'il vous plait, do you really expect us to believe she would reveal such a thing to you in this circumstance?"

"With whatever respect is due," you retorted without missing a beat, "yes, because she did."

Alcina, who was taking another very long drag off her cabriole, had leaned back in her chair to beckon Donna's attention at the back of the room, something was exchanged, and she then threw something into the middle of the table with a loud slapping thud.

"There." She stated with a large puff of smoke, pointing at a thick and very worn book in the center of the table, "in Miranda's own handwriting. A journal, one of many, stating everything you were just told and much more about her plans. Don't ever question the integrity of my companions word."

"Yeah, don't go getting your butthole all hurt because Miranda told her and not you." Karl interjected with a puff of his cigar that was hanging from his teeth.

Alcina almost choked on her own cigarette smoke. 

Karl snickered, "remember, she underestimated our fae-bae here and ended up dead and shit." His grin was aglow with pride. 

Pablo, not hiding his amusement was also smiling from ear to ear. And then with manicured eyebrows raised high to his hairline, reached for the article and plucked it from its spot, "and why wasn't this lovely bit of reading on the table to begin with?" He asked with a glittering smile.

Alcina's visage turned sharp, "because I knew the runaround of this circus would last several hours before anything productive would come of it. Now. Are we all finally ready to put the display of shit slinging aside and get to it, or will this fuckery continue for another five and a half hours?"

You supposed that once Alcina had pointed it out, the vampires decided they were indeed ready to put their feral egos in cages and move forward.

The next several hours were impressively and surprisingly productive. Retellings of what had taken place were told uninterrupted, evidence was looked over, conversation was coherent and almost wholly respectful. Though you did notice after the initial dust had settled, the only person who was more quiet than you was Auguste Winter. You don't think he said one thing through the entire gathering, nor did anyone seem to notice. Whether this was in character for him or not, it was odd. And no matter what, you still did not like how he looked at Alcina at any given moment.

The conclusion to this night ended with the much anticipated tour through Mother Miranda's hide-out adjacent the city. The visiting vampires were unnerved meeting the famous white-eyed mutated vampires they'd heard so much about. The army still stood in their assigned spots without movement, thought, or real awareness to much of anything. It hurt your heart in a way to see them like this. They were once people. Now, thanks to Miranda, they were shells of what was once a person, and not even granted the option of being a functioning vampire. You couldn't help but to feel compassion about the situation they ultimately had no control over. Your choice to allow the use of your blood to see if the vampire and lycan scientists could bring these mutants back into some semblance of normalcy was now at the forefront of your mind. It was a lofty decision but the push to make that choice was heavier for you now.  

As you were being escorted through the maze of mutants, a pronounced and displeased "hrmph" sounded from Marguerite causing everyone to look in her direction.

"This... is what Miranda deems to be a perfect vampire?" She questioned.

Karl's face was blank for about two-point five seconds before responding, "yeah, they're fuckin' quiet."

She hissed in return, "I don't recall asking for your input."

"Well no one asked for your fucking take on it either sugar-tits, Christ!" He barked right back.

Marguerite scoffed again, "these vampires don't seem like much of any threat at all - look at them - not a thing happening in their skulls."

"Hoo boy, something you and them have in common!" Karl huffed, "and you certainly don't listen for shit as to what we've been saying. Just because you can't wrap your puny mind around what went on down here doesn't discredit the rest of us who actually fought them! I have footage galore of the battle we waged - you can't image the fight they put up - these fuckers kept moving AFTER we blew 'em up! I would have loved to see you take one on at full strength."

"Miranda wanted an army she could control, loyal to her command and her alone," Alcina stepped in, "and that's exactly what she made. Can we please keep going?"

Dmitri nodded when Alcina turned her unamused visage towards him and immediately moved on.

As the entourage of vampires finally made their way back to the city after the tour, Alcina and you brought up the rear; your arm was securely fastened in hers and the walk was quiet for the both of you, the others were engulfed in their conversations masking your presence entirely which made it a comfortable journey. Alcina held you snugly close to her side, stealing a quick kiss atop your head as the final approach to the hall came into view.

You made your way off to the sidelines at the entrance of City Hall and observed in silence as the long-winded exchanges before heading off for the day continued. Ishaan was speaking with Alcina, Dmitri was deeply engrossed with Belinda and Emiliano, Marguerite and Pablo were gossiping you were sure, and you were happy to have your back pressed to the large stone pillar out of the way while everyone mingled.

"When this is all put to rest and you're settled, you must come visit me in Italy."

Came a voice that startled you.

Verona had come up from your left, arms folded comfortably across her middle and a warm smiling face with eyes shimmering and beaming at you.

"O-oh," you stammered as you stood more properly to address the woman, "Ms. Giordano - "

"Please," she said holding up a hand, "stuff that formality - call me Verona."

Returning the much bigger smile you felt your cheeks blush a little, "Verona," you repeated, trying to figure how to respond to her request, "that's very kind of you, but - "

"I won't take no for an answer," she interrupted still smiling, "Donna informs me you're part of the Dimitrescu and Beneviento family now so that means you are also mine. I'm a gracious host and you'll be treated like a queen in my city, my nieces can attest to such treatment as can Alcina. It would be an honor to have you... It's been too many years since they've visited so this will give me the extra leverage I need to get you all there."

Her wink was sweet and genuine and you couldn't help but smile, "well, it would be an honor to be hosted by you. Thank you."     "I believe I heard my name over here," Donna's voice sounded from behind you as she stepped out from shadows, "Verona I do hope you're not telling stories."

"Nonsense. Merely extending a well deserved invitation to my house."

"Now that is a treat I could look forward to." She grinned, squeezing your arm as she joined the two of you.

Verona tilted her head playfully, "your presence is also long overdue in my home, miss Donna."

"Then I suppose it will be a family affair."

"A family affair? Oo, I like those, am I invited also?"

Pablo had slunk himself into the conversation somehow and you all looked over at his toothy grin, his eyes gleaming madly at the three of you.

"You're about the only one outside of my beloved sorellas that has an open invitation, tesoro." Verona sighed with slight exasperation.  

He lit up, wrapped his arms around Verona's waist from behind and kissed her temple, "ahhh mi corazón, gracias hermosa. I've missed running amok in the catacombs of Italy with you. It's been too long. You remember the fun and mischief we used to get up to, si? Puro placer!" (ahhh my heart, thank you beautiful.) (Pure pleasure!)

You watched Verona's eye roll but also the very comfortable display or affection between the two and couldn't help your budding curiosity.

"But ah!" Pablo exclaimed turning his attention to you, "the fun we could all have!"

Verona slapped his arms that were still securely fastened to her waist, "assolutamente no, Alcina ti taglierebbe la testa." (absolutely not, Alcina would have your head.)

Pablo grumbled playfully and pressed his face deep into Verona's throat and kissed it fervently, a giggle sounding from her as he rest his chin upon her shoulder and looked at you once more, "you will come to Espania after Italia, no? If you're in the neighborhood, it would be rude not to visit."

Alcina's attention had been already tampered from Ishaan when she first saw Pablo out of her peripheral approach your group, but it was abruptly broken as she watched him leave Verona's side, claim your hand and bring it to his lips to pepper it with charming kisses, "Ishaan, pardon, but excuse me for a moment."

She didn't bother to wait for a response and with five long strides she was upon the scene in a blink, clearing her throat roughly, "Mister De La Rosa." She uttered pointedly, her eyes squinting slightly as he turned his gaze towards her.

Stiffly straightening his back, he risked one more brisk kiss to the back of your hand, "aiii, corro antes de ser azotada!"  (I must run before I get lashed!)

Pablo sped through that sentence so quickly it was hardly intelligible and skittered off in a flash without ever losing his smile.

"The ever insufferable flirt," Verona chuckled, "relax Alcina, we'd never let him get further."

Alcina reached for your hand now and graciously pulled you to her side.

It took another half hour for everyone to disperse after agreeing to the agenda of tomorrows trial for Ethan and Mia. You could not deny you were starting to get a little tired and Alcina was worn herself, it was almost 10 in the morning by now. She kept her arm securely around you as you trekked back to the manor, and you couldn't help but ask about what you saw between Pablo and Verona. Alcina explained they had been lovers at one point many years ago; Verona had been turned in 1837 at a ripe age of 62, and took on the Italian Matriarchy about 50 years later. Pablo was turned at 33 years of age in 1912. He and Verona met a couple years after; he was smitten on sight and chased her for a while, which she finally submitted to being caught in 1922. He was young and rambunctious and it made Verona feel alive, but he was also kind, charming, wickedly smart and a fast learner. Verona saw his potential and enjoyed having him at her side. They had a fiery love affair for roughly 6 years where he learned under Verona's reign, which in turn got him his spot on the clan throne in Spain after earning his respect with Mother Miranda in a large takeover. Ruling their prospective clans got in the way of their affair but they parted ways on pleasant and comfortable terms. They'd remained deeply caring friends ever since, though Pablo was always hinting about them reuniting.

"I honestly thought he batted for the other team, even though he was flirty." You confessed sheepishly.

Alcina smirked, "he does. He bats for every team. Pablo is a lover of anyone he finds attractive... And I mean anyone."

You glanced up at her and smirked, "did he ever make a pass at you?"

She returned your glance with a twisted grin, "once, and it did not go well for him."

All you could do was laugh, "oh please tell me this story!"

As Alcina was beaming with a radiant smile at your amusement and brief recollection of the events, her eyes caught something off about the entrance to the manor as it was coming into view, "draga, is that one of your birds perched on the gate?"

Turning your attention ahead, you narrowed your eyes. Yes, surely there was a large black object sat atop the towering steel gate.

"That's odd, none of them followed me down that I was aware of."

Your mind began to turn. 

Its large black wings spread and flapped happily upon your arrival and you smiled, studying its features in the dim haze of the day setting of the city lights you deduced who it was.

"Ebony, what on earth are you doing down here?"

You both received a few mellow caws as it shifted its head towards the manor, wordlessly ushering you to proceed. Alcina looked at you, you at her, and quickly made your way inside.

There was a bunch of chatter and laughter coming from the kitchen as you entered, neither of you stopped or said a word as you approached the sounds and to your utter astonishment, and Alcina's well hidden dismay, Malka was at the countertop with the girls gathered around a large basket.

Daniella was the first to notice you both and she hopped off her stool, "oh! Hi! Mother meet Malka!"

There was so much happening in your brain the utter fumbling catastrophe of thoughts about made you black out; you were befuddled Malka was here, curious beyond belief why she was here, and half amused beyond all reason and terrified how Alcina was about to react to this.

Luckily Malka could sense the colliding thoughts and emotions and in her brilliant wisdom and necessity to break the wavering tension, she chuckled.

"I do not mean to intrude, Lady Dimitrescu, and I will not be staying!" She smiled brightly, "I was merely dropping off some food for my ketzeleh she was supposed to get today when she came down... she did not however tell me she decided to make the trip early."

Malka winked at you and you felt pretty sheepish.

Alcina swallowed and straightened her posture in the most collected way imaginable, you could tell she was trying to find words but you figured this shock was plenty after today and you, too, should do a little damage control.

"Oh, Malka I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were getting a food basket together for me, otherwise I would have said something."

"It's alright though!" Daniella added, "she solved our grocery problem for you - that's what Bela and I were trying to do this morning while you were getting ready to leave, but we weren't sure what kinds of foods you liked, so we were lost, but Malka came to the rescue!"

You were smiling now but trying to keep composed, "h-how exactly?"

"Oh, Dani answered your phone when she called." Cassandra stated flatly.

Daniella's face went blank and you could watch the panic unfold in real time.

"W-well it was more of an accident," she began, "you left your phone on the counter, it rang, it scared me, and when I grabbed for it it just kind of answered itself and Malka just started talking so it would have been rude to hang up or not respond so - "

"It was all an honest mistake, but it did pan out in our favor," Bela recovered with a smile of her own, "we're very appreciative of her help and her unintentionally running our errands for us."

You wanted to start laughing but knew this was definitely not the time, so you nodded and went to hug your dear friend, "and you didn't have any trouble getting down here?"

"Mm, no. Dani gave her directions." Cassandra added as nonchalantly as before.

"Yes, the girls were very helpful as was Ebony." Malka hummed, "but as I said, I had not intended to stay as long as I have and I must really be on my way. My grandson has to leave my shop around noon to get to some business. So, my dearest ketzeleh I love you, be safe, text or call me whenever your time permits, and..." she took her gaze off you and turned her attention to Alcina who was remaining professionally composed, "it was a pleasure to have met your darling daughters, and an honor to glance upon the beauty of the Lady of the Underground. I hope we can have some time to really meet and get to know each other soon."

You watched as Malka bowed her head very gently and outstretched her hand for Alcina to shake. 

Brimming with far too many complicated emotions and words to count, Alcina took the old woman's hand and shook it gracefully, swallowing and returning a nod, "yes, yes as do I. Please, allow my daughters to escort you back to the church - "

"Oh, no need for that, I can find my way - "

"Please, Malka, I insist," Alcina said more firmly, though soft in nature, "it would grieve me terribly if something were to happen to you." She waved her hand at her girls and all three of them came promptly to Malka's side, "thank you for making the trip. Your generosity is greatly appreciated."

"You're not the only one who loves this very special girl." She winked, then looked to the girls at her side and held out her elbows, "alright me beauties, lead the way."

Daniella was the first to hook her arm in Malka's and Bela was next, goodbye's were given and the four of them were off.

The door closed to the manor and you waited a whole hell of a lot longer than you expected the silence to last, but you finally peered over to Alcina and cleared your throat.

"Yes?" Alcina replied coolly.

"You handled that really well, I'm proud of you."

She scoffed and before you could make a break for it she grabbed you and held you captive in her arms, "that was both wholly embarrassing and an unneeded shock to my system draga - "

"I'm sorry, I had no - "

"Yes, yes I know, you didn't know and how could either of us ever fathomed... however... I'm embarrassed she might think I'm a poor host not having sustenance for you in my home... It was piss poor planning on my part, but still."

"Piss poor," you repeated with a giggle, "you're starting to talk like me now."

Alcina grinned and kissed you feather light, "mmm, you're rubbing off on me in many ways."

"Even taking a liking to Malka, I see."

She narrowed her eyes, "well... she does seem sweet. She put herself in harms way to bring this to you so I can put my thorns aside for the time being."

"You can just put them away indefinitely, I promise."

"Fine. But please no more surprise visits, mm?"

You nodded.

"Good. Now, would you like to eat? I can prepare something for you."

Her offer was tempting, but you took your bottom lip between your teeth and let your gaze fall down to her figure, "well... honestly... what I would really like is to take you into your room and worship you in this dress. I can't tell you how it's haunted my dreams and fantasies since the moment we met."

Alcina's brows arched and her lips twisted into a coy smirk, "who am I to deny you your desires, draga mea?"

[daughterofevil158]

How would Damon’s soulmates react to him turning into a 5-year old? What would little Damon be like?

Interesting to answer based on my headcanons

I've always imagined itty bitty Damon to be nicer than grown Damon. He tries harder to be polite but he's just as, if not more, blunt with his words. Also very much a momma's boy, and probably shy around strangers. Which, based on the second question, Damon probably sees the group as since he's totally reverted and not just physically. And considering that he likely still lived in Japan at the time...

Imagine being a kid suddenly separated from your beloved parents and surrounded by a bunch of grown strangers you don't understand. If Toshiko wasn't there he probably would've tried bolting immediately. Wolfgang likely neglected his Japanese as a middle finger to his dad, and Eva's is rusty at best, so it's up to her to translate. He gets a little less shy once the ones with physical soulmarks reveal it to him (that actually begs the question on whether some soulmarks would revert or if they'd stay active?), but he's still fairly quiet around everyone until they can get him to his parents.

Until they arrive, though:

◊ Toshiko: delighted to be taller than Damon. Very reassuring in a "Don't worry, Toshiko-nee-chan is here to help" kind of way. It's a very humorous subversion of their usual dynamic, and tiny Damon is clinging to her kimono sleeve 75% of the time

◊ Desmond, Diana: very gentle and very easily winning Damon over. Desmond offers one of the plushies in his collection to Damon and gets an excited "Same-san!" in return. Meanwhile Diana can bake melon pan and other such treats, so instant brownie points for her as well.

◊ Jett: protectiveness ramped up by 10x because "He's so tiny!! What if he trips and breaks all his bones?!" But also the helmet scares Damon at first so Jett goes to his room to cry pout for a while (don't worry, he gets an apologetic pat on the knee later)

◊ Kai, Cassidy: Very outspoken about how adorably itty bitty Damon is. They're lucky he can't really understand them or he'd be freaked out about it.

◊ Wolfgang: also gets called scary by Damon for being so tall and just has like the most defeated look a man can have. Accidentally guilt-trips a child by saying that makes him feel bad.

◊ Eva, Ulysses: so fucking awkward around kids, help them please. They know nothing other than "kids are just people but tiny." Damon thinks they're weird since they're just standing in the room keeping an eye on him without saying much

◊Mark: just as awkward as the previous 2, but somehow manages not to seem off-putting (it's the combination of looking similar, liking green and cats, and not actually trying as hard as the others). If he's not attached to the first three listed, Damon is following Mark around like a baby duck

Everyone does make sure to get lots of pictures before getting the Maitsu parents to decide what to do.

[fraudulent-cheese]

Gonna be a little silly and say 1, 5, 20, and 23 for Eva, Zoey, Beardo, and Damien ?

/HenkePenke

OH BOY I ASKED FOR ASKS AND I GOT SERVED. I'll go in the order you gave me :p

Eva:

1. Why do you like this character?

There's a couple reasons why i like her, despite her little screentime, and one of them is her hot temper, actually.

To me she only truly gets pissed off in two or three episodes, and they're usually triggered by understandable things; loosing her MP3 player during TDI, and struggling with the interviews during TDWT. Which. I can relate to both, i fucking hate it when i missplace stuff but headphones are especially annoying, and i get frustrated suuper easily when trying out new things. i like angry girls <3

I think the tidbit in her bio about wanting to be a leader, and working on her temper are also interesting and i wish those went anywhere since we don't get a character in a team leadership role that isn't either bossy or a coniving bastard until Sky in TDPI.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

So! Im gonna struggle with this question! Because unless i've directly thought about it before im gonna have like 0 answers lmao

For Eva, the main problem is moreso that the first song that comes to mind is not one for her specifically but one i associate with a heatheva fic i was trying to write - one that matched the vibe of songs i think she'd compose herself. And it was also just a song i was listening to at the time. Sooo Imħabbti by Ghoolie it is!

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

I can't pick between Izzy and Noah lmao, can't seperate team escope even if i wanted to! Eva's one of the few characters in this cast that can regularly match Izzy's sheer manic energy, and she'd bounce off Noah very well (in my head) and in general i think these two are a good fit with Eva; they all come accross as people that don't have many friends and would treasure the ones they have, even if they're not the most obvious about it. I think it's sweet, and kinda sucks that when people only draw two of team escope Eva's usually the one missing :<

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Honestly, anytime she has a little pout or suprised eyes. or smiles. she so cutie pattotie

Zoey:

1. Why do you like this character?

I'll admit, my favorite parts about her are more conceptual than her in canon? I like that she's kind of an indie girl, since we don't have another girl character that's like her in that way. I also think her judgemental streak and people pleasing tendencies are interesting but i wish they were more clearly displayed in canon. that or im misremembering lol

I also like her haircut! I like how the red dyed hair makes her both stand out next to the other girls, but also means you can't call her red haired without implying she's ginger (and she isn't). Also the pigtails are cute and i like messing around with them in drawings!

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

I've said before that she'd listen to Panchiko (and also The Scary Jokes but i haven't assigned her a specific song) sooo yeah

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

Oh that's a good question as well since she's already in a canon trio (friendship finale, aka her, Cameron and Mike), and i think both of them are perfectly good choices, since on one hand you have the pretending to be normal duo and on the other you have the super sheltered kid and the one that goes outside, and they can all learn stuff from eachother and in general i find it sweet!

But also i'd be kidding myself if i didn't also think Sierra was a good option? they're both nerdy, weird girls that like Total Drama! They have a bunch of shit in common! I can't pick between these three im sorryyy

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Her render in the Toxic Targets flash game. She looks so sad girl what happeneddd

Beardo:

1. Why do you like this character?

Both his Cake Entertainment Flyer label and his canon one are interesting to me. Despite how he spent most of his time on screen making sound effects, he seems to be one of the more down to earth characters in the TDPI cast, and while i do like that cast alot i can't deny that it really needed more down to earth characters that aren't just Jasmine (outside of her apparent trust issues) and Sky (who's generally more introverted than anything else)

Also? Characters that like music get points from me by default.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

In general i think Beardo makes his own songs, including keeping around a ton of sounds to use as samples; in general he'd like House and genres similar to them, and considering the equipment seen in his audition tape i think he'd act as DJ for like. parties or some shit. and i think this song right here would be featured in the tracklists quite often vv

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

Ella. I do not CARE that they don't interact a single time, they're the two song enjoyers of their generation they would get along SO WELL they would try to form a band with Beardo on the instrumentals and Ella on the vocals and use samples from Disney or Fairytale movies and it would be so awesome because they'd both be out of their comfort zones since Ella would be exposed and participate in the creation of music in genres she wouldn't have seeked out on her own otherwise and Beardo would have to write lyrics which he wouldn't have to otherwise!!!

23. Favorite picture of this character?

He barely has any appereances in canon so i kinda have to pick the beta design. Boy why are you so devious

Damien:

1. Why do you like this character?

One of the few good things the second season of the reboot did was make me actually care for and like Damien, since he took charge and gained confidence in himself and his abilities! I like the progression from him having the normal person reaction to everything total drama (being freaked out by a ton of shit happening), him slowly adjusting up until he decides he wants to stay before his elimination during Season 1, and then coming back to prove himself during Season 2!

In general he's pretty charming and just. He's a nice dude! i like having him be around! It's nice!

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Either Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon or Registry by COMPUTER DATA. In general his music tastes would be varied, he'd bounce from rock to indie to lofi house to some fourth thing. I picked these two out since the latter uses samples from Mario games and he'd 100% appreciate that, and the former because. I just think he'd be a Lemon Demon fan.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

That would've been a hard question if canon didn't serve an answer on a silver plator to me thanks to reboot Season 2 again, because it's Nichelle!!! It's Nichelle and it's an easy answer. The contrast between Damien being some guy and Nichelle being a big famous Hollywood actress is very fun, and i don't think Nichelle has actual friends outside of that? So Damien being her actual first friend is great :D

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Hehe sheep!

[steveyockey]

When watching, it’s hard not to feel like you capture intricacies and truths about gender and sexuality in a way a cisgender director wouldn’t or couldn’t. How did your own experience inform the filmmaking here?

You don’t understand how fucking painful it was to get this made and how long, and to hear you say this is so validating. It was a seven-year journey to get to set. I transitioned throughout the making of this movie. I was so desperate to get it made because I thought it would be an answer to me continuing to pretend and avoid the truth of who I am. There was a moment that I realized that the thing that was holding me back was that very thing of, “Oh, shit, we have so many false starts around this.” The universe was waiting for me to walk through my truth, so I could be ready to tell this story. If you look at my work prior, it’s so angry. It’s so violent. This story required a gentle lens rooted in nothing but love. Had I not gone through the same journey that Ari goes through in the book and in the movie, I wouldn’t have been able to lens this the way that it is now.

And for you to recognize that… (Pauses.) It would have been impossible because my perspective of the world hadn’t been opened up until I was ready to walk through my truth. That’s a fact. That’s why it fucking took so long. My producer [Valerie Stadler] who saw me, who was with me, at first she was like, “You’re not ready to direct this,” and I was like, “What do you mean I’m not fucking ready to direct this? I’m ready to direct it.” And when I made that decision, she said, “OK, now you’re ready.” I think she saw something in me that I hadn’t seen in myself. This will forever be the most pure, personal experience of my life for all of those reasons. It stood by me, and it mirrored my trajectory as a creative and, honestly, as a human being. So yeah, I agree with you. I don’t think that a cisgender person would have been able to capture the nuances the way that I did.

Understanding a deep longing to be close to someone of the same gender in a world that doesn’t model what that looks like can be difficult because you don’t have the language or feel safe to name it. Can you talk about your approach to portraying that?

I have this very important mission to refuse to other myself and to other the stories that I’m involved in, and to other the characters that I bring to life. That is very important to me. At the root of this, Ari never claims his sexuality, but he claims his love for Dante. That was what was most important for me. How does love transcend in a way that we don’t need to explain it, but we can see how painful it is when the world around you tells you that you’re wrong for who you are, for how you feel, where you don’t find yourself or see yourself in something else?

It took me 34 years to transition. I thought about my identity, my gender, every single day for those 34 years. But I grew up in a culture and a society that told me I was wrong for feeling that. I want people to watch this and be assured that they’re OK for feeling the way that they feel. It’s possible to love gently and without question. Sometimes you do need someone to give you permission to do that. That’s what this story is. It’s hopefully giving permission for people to see themselves as not an “other,” but as an expansive human that’s possible at anything when you choose love over fear. Fear is rooted in shame, which is what held me back.

[mind0zone]

Evangeline Keys

And a series of MariBat related quotes!

Eva: A list of people getting therapy the moment I get rich; Everyone.

Dick: I think that’s an exaggeration?

Eva: it’s not, you’re after Jason.

🕸️

Mari: So now that I found out he’s my dad I’m heading to Gotham

Felix and Eva (whose both been to Gotham, met Bruce Wayne, saw his chaotic children): why do you carry this luck around you?

Mari: Pardon? 😃

🕸️

Eva: I hate people who go “I wouldn’t wish that on my worse enemy!” I would, and I’d double the prayer as well.

Jason: are you sure we can’t adopt you too?

Dick: Jason, No!

Jason: Jason, Yes!

🕸️

Eva: Luka has every right to be the villain, I’m sorry Mari, you fucking failed.

Luka: Eva-

Mari: END THIS, THIS IS THE THIRTEENTH TIME!

🕸️

Eva: I used to think I like children, and would restrain from ever feeling like hitting them…and then you happened.

Damian: I was raised by assassins, you wouldn’t be the first to hit me.

Eva (who now feels bad and slightly mothering instinct): no, but I’m going to be the first to give you a hug and say it’s okay…

Damian(has been here before):BACK YOU DEMON!”

🕸️

Eva: Out of all your newfound Siblings who is the favorite?

Batboys (listening in):…

Mari(without missing a beat): Cass.

Eva (nodding in approval): right answer

Cass (smiles):

🕸️

Eva (after Damian got benched): free my boy, he did all of that, but it don’t matter!

Damian: I’ll excuse you purposefully horrible grammar, in turns of thanking you for your agreement.

Tim: ten people got injured horribly, and three are yet to be found.

Eva: and? Sounds like a them problem.

Damian: As, Miss. Keys, says.

Eva: Damian we talked about this, it’s Eva, Hun. 😕

🕸️

Eva: listen I’m not an orphan, but my dad and mama has been going on business trips without me lately, and I’m close to just coming to the conclusion they up and died.

Bruce: your adoptions papers are already filled out, nothing to worry about

Eva: MY WHAT NOW? 😟

🕸️

Eva: Not going to lie, Timothy Jackson is Drake-Wayne, spectacular name, your parents may have failed at parenting you, but name making they got 10/10

Tim: please go back to London

Mari: She stays.

Felix (missing their alone time and peaceful nation): No, she needs to go home!

Mari (without missing a beat): I will FIGHT you Felix!

🕸️

Eva and Felix (discussing the shared obviousness of Bruce Wayne’s identity): 🗣️🗣️

Tim (joining in cause he found out at nine):🗣️🗣️

Bruce (standing there blankly after asking a simple question): 🧍

🕸️

[idontplaytrack]

Stress Reliever

Haley Dunphy x fem oc reader(Eva Bennett)

warnings: MDNI, smut. fwb, oral, fingering, toy use, overstimulation, angst, coarse language, quarrelling/fighting. idk how this idea came about, but here you go.

In which Haley claims that y/n is a purely physical ‘stress reliever’. Chaos ensues.

Like clockwork, Eva would show up to Haley’s house twice a week- on Wednesdays and Sundays usually. That’s when the pair was both free. Sometimes more, though. She wasn’t too sure how she got herself in this situation, but here she was, hooking up with her best friend. It started as a joke- Eva didn’t expect her to be okay with it. But of course, with her living in the basement of her parents’ house, meant that noise was out of the question.

Today was Sunday, so she made her way to Haley’s as usual. Not like anyone really cared- Eva was a senior in college, old enough to take care of herself and make her own decisions. She simply let her Mom know where she was headed, and she was off. Standing on their porch, Eva rang the doorbell. Alex answered the door. “Oh, hey. Haley’s doing homework in her room.”

“Okay, thanks.” Eva nodded, pursing her lips together as she walked past Alex. She said hi to Claire as she headed downstairs.

“Haley?”

“Come on in.” She said, Eva entered, closed the door and locked it.

“You’re late.” She spun around in her swivel chair.

“I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come.” Eva admitted.

“I’m sorry?” Haley asks, almost as if she was offended.

“Did you forget that just last week, your Dad asked about us and you called me a ‘stress reliever’?”

“It’s just sex.” She said almost too quickly. You felt your blood begin to boil.

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have shared our business with anyone?”

“They leave us alone now, don’t they? Why are you mad about it? That’s what we agreed on- no strings attached.”

“I’m your best friend. Shouldn’t you care about how I would feel when you basically told your whole family we’re sleeping together just for the heck of it?” You retorted.

“…I- I’m sorry.” She says after some silence, she rolls her chair closer to Eva and practically yanked her down to her level to kiss her, “I shouldn’t have.”

“Damn right you shouldn’t have.” Eva said into the kiss. ‘Shit!’ Eva whispered.

“Let me make it up to you, hm?” She caresses Eva’s cheek, breaking away from the kiss for a second.

“Can I ask you something before we do that?” Eva questioned, breathlessly.

“Yeah.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“No. No one.” She tells her, backing her up onto the mattress.

“Okay. Me neither.”

“Okay.” She hurriedly slid Eva’s shorts and underwear off, tossing it somewhere in the room. Seconds later, her t-shirt joins them. Eva did the same for her, right before she flipped her over to switch positions. Things escalated very quickly. This certainly wasn’t their first rodeo.

————

“Haley, wait up.” Claire stopped her once she enters the front door.

“We have some questions for you.” Phil chimed in.

“What?” Asked Haley, cautiously.

“Not that we don’t like her or anything, but why has Eva been over so much more than before?” Claire began.

‘Oh, God.’

“Nothing. We just got closer.” Haley lies.

“Really?” Phil asks.

“What are you two implying?”

“It’s just that we heard some things…”

“What things?”

“A couple days ago. Alex heard…sounds coming from your room that’s making me think that you two are something…more.”

“No one was home the day before, what the hell?”

“Alex came home early. I told her to check if you were home. And clearly, you were- even though you said you’d be out.” Claire added on.

“Okay, fuck it.” Haley snapped, “It’s just stress relief, alright? Purely physical. Ya happy? How is it any of your business anyway? Can you leave us alone now?”

Haley hurried off to her room without hearing their responses. Not even a minute later, Eva was practically hammering her door down, “Haley?!”

“What?”

“I heard all of that.”

————

“Can’t believe you ignored me that night.” Eva scoffs.

“I fucked up, okay? I’m sorry about that.”

“Whatever, yeah.” Eva’s hips bucked as the kiss deepens. “Can I take off your-”

“Mhm.” Haley replies, starting to remove each article of her clothing as Eva helped.

They got each other off and just went about their day, no questions asked. Except today, Haley convinces Eva to take a break from her homework and take a walk with her. “Why?”

“I said I was sorry.”

“So…?”

“Must you be so annoying about this?”

Eva scoffs, “Annoying? Oh, my God. Haley- I cannot believe you would say that about me. I made myself come over here today even though I shouldn’t have. You basically threw my face away and made me seem like a slut to your family. When all I wanted to do for the past month was to muster up the courage to tell you I like you!” With that, Eva tries to run away from Haley but the other girl caught up to her anyway.

“Wait!”

“You don’t like me that way, and that’s fine. I just need some time away from you to get over it.” Eva pushed herself off her and got dressed. She stops her, “No- wait!” “Do you even remember what you did the other night at Charlotte’s party? You convinced me to go and then you just decided to kiss me and not say anything? Acting like nothing happened?”

Haley remembered- she was just avoiding that topic.

“I’m leaving. We shouldn’t even be friends anymore. Sorry doesn’t fix everything, Haley.”

Haley didn’t know what to say…words were caught in her throat as a painful lump formed. So she just left her go, watching as the sight of her became smaller and smaller, seeing the door close, hearing her footsteps depart.

It kept Haley up at night, what she said. Haley knew it was wrong of her to lead Eva on but she couldn’t admit it. She couldn’t admit to herself that she was gay. Overnight, the two became strangers…not acknowledging the other when they passed by the other in the halls at school. Each time it happens, it stung Haley’s heart, just as it does Eva’s but she couldn’t carry on being just friends with the girl- she wanted so very badly to Haley hers, but it didn’t seem possible.

With each passing day, it became easier to coexist. Eva thought she’d went numb- that was the only explanation for it. If she kept thinking about her (she actually did), she wouldn’t driven herself crazy. Was she going crazy? Was this it? “I gotta talk to you. Now.” Haley grips onto her wrist, startling her. “Let go of me.” Eva spoke harshly. “Now.”

“No. We have to talk.” Haley insists. The final bell of the day rings and Eva begrudgingly follows the brunette’s lead.

“Okay, talk.” She yanked her wrist free, “Still nothing?”

Haley’s face definitely showed that she was sad- heartbroken, even. “I’m really sorry for what I did-”

“Yeah, I’ve heard this before, Hales.”

“Before I say anything else stupid,” Haley takes a deep breath, “I like you too. I can’t let my own fear of what people think of me once they know I’m gay, make me lose my best friend.”

————

“The hell are we going?” Eva asks as Haley sped away from the school parking lot.

“To finish what we started the last time we saw each other.” Haley says, gnawing on her lower lip, “Somewhere that we’d have complete privacy.”

“Huh.” Eva raised a brow. “Still a little mad, honey. You’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

“I figured.” Haley shrugs as they pulled to a stop at a stop light. She reaches into her bag she’d tossed into the backseat. “We’ll start here. Put this on.”

Eva laughs in disbelief, “My God, you actually- I did not see this coming.”

“We’re just getting started.” She winks. Seeing that the windows were tinted, Eva felt pretty comfortable having to put the vibrator on. But was she ready? Not yet. “Yeah, I’m gonna need a little help here.” Eva admitted. “I’m driving.”

“I’ll wait.”

Closing the door and hurriedly locking it. “Do we still want to use that now?” Haley asks, referring to the vibrator. “I don’t see why not.” Eva shrugged as she gets pushed up against the wall by Haley. Her lips were not wasting a single second, covering every inch of exposed skin with a kiss. Eva couldn’t take it- she needed her, bad. Every single moment spent away from Haley had her fantasising about what they used to do.

“I don’t think we need it.” Haley chuckles as they broke away, reaching her hand down into the front of Eva’s shorts, pulling them down. Haley watches the string of slick get pulled out along with your underwear, a proud smile now plastered on her face. “Couldn’t wait…baby?” Haley’s hands caressed her back before returning to run a stripe up the juncture between Eva’s thighs. Eva lets out a yelp that lets Haley know she was right. “Feels so damn good to call you that and know that it means something now.” Haley whispers.

That gave Eva crazy butterflies in her stomach, easily making her feel like she was going to go insane if she kept teasing her. “God, Haley. What are you-” Eva was interrupted by Haley’s tight grip on her thighs.

“Be patient.” Haley whispers, “Be a good girl for me, hm?”

Haley licks her cunt teasingly, just shy of the entrance, causing a yelp to emit from her mouth. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re not gonna come until I say you can. And until you’re close, I’m gonna be using just my mouth and my hands. The toy comes in later. That okay with you?”

Eva mumbles incoherently causing Haley to smack her on the ass, “Use your words, otherwise I’m not touching you.”

“Okay, yeah. That’s fine.” Eva lets out a strained response, watching Haley’s hand travel down her side. Satisfied, Haley slowly backs Eva onto the mattress and told her to lay down on her back. “Look at me, sweet girl. Look at me.” Haley hums, tilting her chin up. “Okay.” Eva inhales sharply as she watches Haley straddle her, lowering herself down onto her torso. “You feel that, babe? How wet I am for you?”

“Yeah.” Eva nodded, hands reaching out to grab Haley’s face and kiss her hungrily.

“Uh, no.” Haley chuckles, “You just lay there and look all pretty for me. I’ll do the work.” With that she began to leave a trail of kisses from her jaw all the way down to the middle of her torso. Then, she moves herself further down so she could get to work on her cunt, her fingers traced the mount gently, as though dancing on the sensitive area. Eva feels another rush that stops in between her legs, drawing out a whine from her lips.

Haley’s fingers starts to circle Eva’s clit teasingly slowly while watching her arousal grow and grow by the second. Plunging her middle finger into her, Eva curses. A string of profanities proceeded to come out of her as Haley kept at her pace, eventually slipping in her pointer finger smoothly. Eva’s eyes were barely open or in focus at this point. Haley literally forced her to keep them open. She could feel herself approaching her climax insanely quickly. Planting a gentle kiss on Eva’s clit, Haley pulls her fingers out, almost fully when she feels Eva clenching around her fingers.

“Shit! Haley-” Eva groans, frustrated.

“I know.” Haley crawled her way back up to kiss her on the lips, her teeth barely grazing Eva’s lower lip and giving it a pull. “You’re close. Aren’t you, honey?”

Now with Haley’s ass in her face, Eva helps her get out, fucking her cunt with her tongue, causing all sorts of obscene noises to fall from Haley’s lips and right into her ears like her favourite song. It spurred them both on, determined to bring the other over the edge first. But of course, Haley being the one with the vibrator in her hand- won. “In a second, I want you just let it all go, okay?” Haley requested, not giving the other girl anytime to respond. It barely presses onto Eva’s clit and she unravels, making a mess on the bed that Haley couldn’t care less about. Tears that were pricking at Eva’s eyes also fell at that moment, the relief and pleasure she was feeling made her see stars.

“Keep going, baby. Keep going.” Haley says.

Eva did her best to pick up her pace but having a second climax was making it so very difficult. Haley soon unravels too, with Eva adding her fingers into the mix. But Haley doesn’t stop, her tongue continues to attack Eva’s swollen, sensitive clit, making her cry. “Want me to stop? You can just say the word, my love.”

Eva shook her head.

“No? Alright.” Haley smirks, easily coaxing orgasm number three out. Her back arches right as Haley got off her and held her legs open for easier access.

“Okay, okay.” Eva panted, “That’s good, yeah. Okay, stop.”

“Okay.” Haley stopped immediately when she was told, wrapping Eva in her arms, “You did so good, baby.”

Eva smiled, dazed, “God, I love you.”

“I love you more.”

————

a/n: this took me like, 4 days and i’m still not happy with how it turned out. but okay, it’s done, i guess.

[ashlingiswriting]

do i know you? chapter seven

[ 5.4k words ] [ masterlist ] [ prev chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six ] you figure you can be good and still take it a little easier. that’s all you’ve done today, take it a little easier, and it feels really fucking good. richie jerimovich x reader, past mikey berzatto x reader, slow burn

after an eleven-hour stretch of sleep, a three-egg breakfast, and cautious self-reflection, you come to the conclusion that something has to change. and fast. yesterday, richie fucking jerimovich—constant leather jacket tracksuit combo, stab wound, aggravated assault charge, and anxiety and depression diagnoses, that richie—asked you if you were okay. it was a reasonable question for him to ask, and giving him the truthful answer felt like peeling off your own skin.

usually you’d cut and run—you’re not big on torture—but richie’s become as much a fixture in your life as cigarettes themselves. whatever you go through with him, you have a feeling that things would be worse without. so you do the reasonable thing. 

you go to the library and google ‘how to stay mentally healthy.’

sure, it makes you feel like an idiot, but it’s not like you have other options. your health and benefits package consists of stolen medications, a grizzled retired doctor named beth, and weirdly extravagant christmas presents in years when the carusos are doing well. none of these qualify as conducive to mental health.

thus, doctor google. most of the listed mental health tips seem either impossible—you’re not about to make new social connections, you’re not that self destructive—or plain old stupid, as in a stress ball. like a little rubber ball to squeeze. great stuff.

there’s a few things that you think you can tolerate, though. you end up working out every day in your apartment, volunteer stocking the shelves of a food pantry every tuesday morning right before bed, and tackle the miserably unorganized state of your post-michael finances. occasionally you’ll eat a salad, but you’ll curse richie as you do it. 

cultivating mental health for its own sake is not something you’d usually engage in, but mental health as a one-sided competition that you are determined not to lose? it’s a tolerable game.

as for richie, he seems to be holding steady. the new and horrifyingly fancy specter of the bear does seem to freak him out, but at least the bear’s got a future. the beef, as far as you remember, only ever had a past.

though this winter’s turned bitter cold, you never invite him inside, not even past the double doors into the pathetic excuse of a lobby with its single fake potted plant. you had your one little breakdown and that’s fine. but the rules stay strong, and you get a little stronger. he tells you that eva liked the girl who loved horses the best, and you tell him she’s got good taste. there’s still bad nights, but there’s less fear. you haven’t fucked it up, that’s the point. you’re being good.

and then one day he doesn’t come back.

.

.

.

you’re not a fool. you wait for three days before letting yourself go. 

on the third day, you have to wake up to administer alessandera’s iud at the stupidly early hour of eleven in the morning. afterwards, too caffeinated to rest, you decide that you might as well head to the library to check his instagram. 

the most recent picture is from eight days ago, so that’s no help. his two pinned posts catch your attention anyway. in the first picture, eva’s got two blonde ponytails sticking out of opposite sides of her head, and her ponytail holders have huge round sky blue plastic beads on them. the smears of chocolate on her fingers match the ones on richie’s cheek, and they’re both giving the camera a goofy thumbs up. 

in the second picture, it’s him and michael. they’re both grinning, squinting against the evening sun, and staring at something or someone just out of frame. lake michigan spreads out glorious behind their shoulders. it was probably a fishing trip. it’s got to be an old ass photo, cause they’re both wearing shirts that say the original berf of chicago and you stole michael’s in the summer of 2020. you needed to have something of his during quarantine, and you kept it even after quarantine ended. it’s still folded away in your dresser, protected by mothballs. 

michael disappeared on you too. after you broke up, you kept texting him about meeting to give him back some of his things, but he wouldn’t answer. to be fair, all you had to do was ride the elevator up a couple floors and drop off a box by his door. but you kept texting him anyways, texting on into the silence, until finally it occurred to you: he was punishing you. two could play at that game. you stopped texting altogether, and that’s when it happened.

this is no number of push-ups or good deeds or leafy greens in the world that can defend against an experience like that. the silence was supposed to only last a week, a month at most, and then it became forever. 

so yeah, you go to the beef. the bear. whatever.

so much for being good.

.

.

.

the restaurant is closed for renovations, so you go around to the back and find an unusual pair sitting, eating sandwiches off paper plates, and arguing about greta gerwig’s little women. you recognize both of them from richie’s instagram. 

fak breaks off mid-rant and peers up at you from under his baseball hat, as bright-eyed as a squirrel spotting a potential nut. syd, on the other hand, looks neat and cool in an apron, kerchief, and cautious expression. she’s by far the more intimidating of the two to you, though maybe that’s just richie’s influence coming through. she’s on another level and you know it. 

can i help you? syd says.

yeah, you say. where’s richie?

he’s out sick. 

out sick, that makes sense. relief warms you like the first sip of hot coffee on an icy morning, and then you clock the expression on syd’s face. she’s shifted from suspicious to outright dubious.

why, she adds, does he owe you money? 

ah, fuck. you were so worried that you forgot that when you’re wearing your big coat and your stoic face, you look like trouble. 

nah, you say. he doesn’t owe me anything. is he okay?

from the way she stares, syd must think you bizarre, but she humors you. i mean, two days ago he texted me a video of three chimpanzees attacking a gorilla. is that okay? she shrugs. you tell me.

he’s such a fucking weirdo. why?

i don’t know, i told him that one of the restaurants i used worked at was a vegan place and he’s been sending me shit like that ever since. am i vegan? no, i’m not, but why should that make any difference, you know? who knows why richie does what he does.

who knows, you say. it’s fun to grumble about richie, but you don’t actually find him mysterious. one or two scares aside, he’s the easiest person to understand in the whole city. 

i should probably call him, you say. can i borrow your phone? 

sydney looks even more weirded out than before for a second, and then she seems to have a lightbulb moment, just as you see the back door opening. 

he does owe you money, doesn’t he? syd says, exasperated, but not surprised.

quién le debe dinero a quién? says somebody in an undertone, and then tina appears, her curly hair a little shorter than the last time you saw her, but otherwise unchanged. when she sees you, her expression breaks into a smile of welcome while her eyes get complicated. 

hey, julie, she says. how you doing?

usually, you hate it when people ask you that. but with her, you just don’t.

doing okay, tina. you?

oh, we’re doing good, right, chef? she says, with a fond glance at syd that seems to invite her in. 

still fighting for our lives with an auditor, but yeah, syd says. we’re on track.

you want to walk with me? tina says to you, and you nod, grateful that she seems to have instinctively guessed what you need. 

while you’re strolling out of earshot of the others, syd heads inside, which puts you on a ticking clock. the chances of carmy knowing your actual name are slim, but the chances of him coming out into the alley to investigate? those are dangerously high.

tina interrupts your train of thought, stopping by the chain link fence and turning to face you. 

so what’s wrong? she says, and though she’s as warm and genuine as before, you are reminded by the glint in her eyes that she’s perceptive and tough and not to be fucked with. no wonder michael loved her so much. she was one of the few people who knew how to love him back without drowning.

does there have to be something wrong? you say. 

not necessarily. but historically speaking? she says it almost apologetically.

yeah. 

you only ever met her two times, both in his apartment, once in the dead of night and once in the middle of the day. you remember meeting her, but that’s all. in your mind, each emergency blends into the nexxt, and you don’t probe them for details. all you remember is that one time she was there, you called for an ambulance even though he ordered you not to, and he hated that. tina stood firm and carried on amidst all the shouting, even when you lost it.

it’s a wonder she’s being kind to you now, actually.  

i still carry the narcan in my purse, tina says. 

the nasal spray? you say. the stuff that you gave her after the scare in october ‘21. that’s good. gonna find somebody savable eventually, right? and that comes out way more bitter than you meant it to, but you can’t figure out a way to take it back fast enough.

there’s a hint of steel to tina’s voice, a reminder that she’s deliberately granting you her patience and could revoke it at any time, when she repeats, so what’s wrong?

you take out your burner phone, your sad little nokia, and show it to her.

i busted my old phone, lost all my contacts, and i don’t have the money for a new one right now, so this artifact is all i got. do you have richie’s number? you say meekly.

sure, she says, pulling it up and handing it over so easy that you’re startled. you’re not used to being given something that you need simply because you asked for it.

you take her phone with a quiet thanks and start typing his number and address into your own.

i looked for you at the funeral, she says. it stings, whether she meant it to or not.

well, you say, still typing and glad of the excuse to not look up at tina’s face, i figured i’d spare his mom the fun of having multiple women show up. 

that’s not a fair hit, not the full story, but you don’t bother to clarify. 

to your surprise, she doesn’t give you what you deserve. instead, she says, you still mad at him? 

why even ask. aren’t you?

i was never mad at him.

you have to look up, and not just because you’ve run out of stuff to type. 

never? that’s impossible.

not after, tina says, her brown honest. he was just a kid, you know?

he was a thief and an addict and older than you. but yeah, you know. you really do. he was just a kid.

you want to tell tina that she’s a better woman than you are, that to love and forgive at the same time is a trick that you can only envy. but you don’t know how to say that. 

there’s another version, too, a simpler one, one that doesn’t compare the two of you. she’s sunlight and she’s concrete, the type of kindness that defies the laws of physics, and you can’t figure out how to say that to her either. 

how are you doing? you say instead. you already asked her, but you didn’t really ask her in the way she had asked you. this time you try to do it right.

from the way she smiles, you know you got close.

i’m good, she says. really. all the stuff they’ve got us up to out here? herbs and shit, fucking french. i don’t know, it’s working. and they’re gonna send me to the cia. 

delight looks good on her, and it’s infectious. you say, why not the fbi?

the culinary institute of america, dummy.

oh shit, the level up machine. you’ve heard of it before, of course, because it seems to have turned carmy into a rock star, so that’s gotta be a good thing, right? you gonna come back, kick his ass, and take over?

she grins. girl, you know i could already do that if i felt like it.

true, true. you’re grinning too, and god, it feels good.

and then, glancing over her shoulder at the sudden sound, you can see the back door open.

thank you, tina. you hand her the phone back, quick. if she notices the sudden change in you, she doesn’t let on.

anytime, she says, and presses her wrapped sandwich in your hand. here. 

i can’t take your lunch.

she waves you off. nah, there’s more where that came from.

hey tina, a voice calls. it’s carmy’s, so you keep your eyes trained on tina and hope he doesn't recognize you at that distance.

thanks again, you say, and then you flee, clutching your sandwich.

.

.

.

richie doesn’t pick up and your first call goes to voicemail. you’re wound too tight to enjoy the bill murray of it all, so you just hang up and call again.

he picks up after the third ring. 

what? he growls. 

hey asshole, where are you, you say, just as abruptly, but so pleased to hear his voice. 

richie barely skips a beat. you dont have to kill me, i’m already fucking dying, he says, which is his idea of reassurance.

yeah?

i mean, i’m alive, he says, like it’s a great concession. but for how long?

not much longer. where are you. 

dead silence. this, you did not expect and have no idea what to do with. you snap, richie, where the fuck are you? in a voice that makes a passing woman give you a wide berth on the sidewalk. 

calm your tits, secret agent. i’m on my fucking deathbed with saltines and espn, jesus christ. everything’s fine.

you’d really like to strangle him, but you don’t miss his hint. that’s his way of letting you out of this, secret agent, everything’s fine, so don’t cross a line and then regret it. thoughtful of him, but you’re already a world expert in regret. you’ve weighed your odds, you’ll take your chances.

i’ll be there in twenty, you say, unless you tell me to fuck off.

there’s a split second of hesitation before he says, will you bring me a popsicle? 

no. 

you hang up. then you go and buy some popsicles.

.

.

.

you dig out the ring of keys from your pocket, another inheritance. the gold key is for michael’s old place, the silver is for the beef, and the square-headed one is for richie’s. when you turn it in the lock, the door to his apartment swings open, easy as pie. 

his apartment is a mess. worse, it’s dead dull, with only a few old movie posters hung up over the off-white walls for decoration. at least it doesn’t smell. there’s a kitchenette to your left, one huge and incongruously new ikea wardrobe to your right, and across from you, his bed. it’s shoved up right next to the far window, so the deep windowsill serves as a side table to a tiny succulent and a laptop streaming espn. 

richie’s sprawled out sans blanket and sheets, which are all huddled in a lump at the foot of the bed. he’s not bothering to watch espn and he doesn’t bother to get up at the sound the door opening, either. just looks over and watches you. 

you lock the door behind you and take your shoes off out of habit, even though you know you might have to get out fast. as you walk over to him, you encounter some dirty laundry along the way and kick it into the corner. then you’re at hit bedside, looking down at richie.

he’s lying there in a worn out grey t-shirt, looking up at you muzzy-eyed, sweating, and unsurprised. 

come to finish me off? he says.

after a second, you say, open your mouth. 

he gives you a look that says, i could argue if i fucking felt like it, but then he does open wide with a little aah like a kid getting his tonsils checked. 

you take a quick glance inside, then close your hand to imitate a mouth closing, fingers meeting thumb. 

he does as instructed, but you can tell by the glint in his eye that he’s got a joke locked and loaded, so you lean over and put the back of your hand to his forehead before he can say a thing. 

as you expected, he goes quiet. his skin is hot and damp with sweat. 

after a second, you withdraw and straighten up, touch still echoing on the on the back of your hand.

yeah, you’re fine, you say. dehydrated, low fever, but you’re fine. 

and here i thought i was dying, richie says. he’s not usually subtle, but for once you can’t tell if he’s mocking you or not. is that for me?

he reaches for the plastic bag hanging from your shoulder, and you yank it back out of reach just in time. 

business first. when did you take your last tylenol?

richie slumps sulkily back onto his pillow with a petulant look. you’re no fun when you’re in doctor mode.

then don’t get sick, asshole. tylenol? 

this morning, he says, and then before you can volley a follow-up, he skips ahead. bathroom, behind the mirror. 

as a reward, you sling the plastic grocery bag onto his bed before you go investigate. 

sure enough, there’s a miniature pharmacy on the two small shelves behind the foldable mirror. at first glance, the only prescription stuff is xanax and pravastatin. you grab the tylenol and you’re just about to go when you notice, down at the bottom left corner, a small familiar white box edged in magenta. four milligrams of narcan, nasal spray, your old friend. you gave tina way more of it than she needed and told her to pass it on to anyone at the beef that she trusted, just in case. narcan’s not a cure, it just buys you a little time. that’s all you were doing by then, buying yourselves a little time.

looking at the box now, you suddenly feel sorry for richie. it’s been bad enough for you, and you’ve been living like a fucking vampire, no daylight, barely leaving your lair. richie’s had to go into the outside world, and the outside world fucking sucks. michael’s everywhere out there.

.

.

.

when you get back with the tylenol, richie has a grape popsicle already stuck in his mouth, the extra package of saltines on the windowsill by his side, and your sandwich in his hands. he’s trying to unwrap it when you snatch it away and deposit a tylenol in his palm instead.

with a shrug, he takes the popsicle out of his mouth and swallows the tylenol dry. 

trying not to think too hard about that, you turn away and head to the kitchen.

cups? you say.

upper left. he’s watching you make your way through his space, you can feel it. so you went to the beef, huh.

yup. in the upper cabinet, there’s an assortment of cups, none of them matching. you pick the plastic one with dora the explorer on it, then go fill that with water.

richie says, you talk to carmy? 

no, you say, with just enough edge on it to warn him off the subject. on your way back to his bedside, you pause to peek in his fridge and freezer. fuck me, did nobody ever teach you that man cannot live on microwave burritos alone?

news to me. what are you, some kind of fuckin gourmet?

you complete your circuit, come perch on the edge of his bed with the cup in your hand, and wait for him to sit up. 

woman can live on frozen pizzas alone, that’s a whole different thing, you say.

uh huh. he slumps back against the headboard, then accepts the cup from you and drinks. in the silence, you watch him. the small movements of his throat, the glint of gold slipping out over the nape of his neck. he wears that cross even in his sleep. hopefully it protects him. something should. 

you could sit here for a long time. 

but the cup runs out of water fast, and there goes your excuse. you take it back from him and say, just for the sake of saying something, your interior design is severely lacking.

he scrunches up his nose when he smiles, a wry little smile interrupted by a sniff. thanks.

go back to sleep.

but he doesn’t. instead, he reaches for the remaining half of his grape popsicle, so you go for your sandwich, unwrap, and take a bite. this is as good as the middle of the night to your body clock, so you’re not one bit hungry. but food works just as well as a cigarette, permission for silence. 

you get a sando and i get saltines? he says. talk about a raw deal, man.

mouth full, you say, these are actually pretty good, you know?

what, you didn’t think they would be? he scoffs. c’mon, i know you were never a regular, but the thing with the gun, that wasn’t your first time in. 

so he remembered you. even before he knew you had any kind of connection to the beef, he remembered you. 

you pretend not to notice.

i’ve just never had it with the peppers before, you say.

you’ve never had it with the peppers? his voice rises with each word.

i’m not normally a huge peppers girl, you say nonchalantly. 

you’re a fucking heathen is what you are.

for that, you take an extra big bite and chew as loudly and disgustingly as you can. 

it backfires immediately. he gags and presses his fist to his mouth, and you bolt to the sink to grab the trash can from under it, nearly tripping and hoping like hell he doesn’t throw up all over himself because you do not have it in you to do that kind of laundry. trash can in hand, you turn around to find that he’s giving you the thumbs up and grinning. not gagging at all, perfectly fine. 

oh, fuck you. you put the trash can back, stalk over, and drop down onto the bed beside him again, petulantly this time, making the bedsprings squeak. 

he’s still chuckling. you should’ve seen your face.

you know what my problem is? you say.

you think you have only one problem, j? i got news for you. 

that’s not the first time anyone’s used that nickname for you, but you still like it. 

my problem is that you’re not scared of me, you say. i need to make you more scared of me, and then you’ll treat me with the respect i deserve.

okay, well, fyi: you are already the third scariest person in the world to me, richie says.

the third? you echo with mock offense.

third is good, man. there’s stiff competition. like, you realize isis is still out there? his eyebrows raise and he gestures emphatically. and there’s a lot of them?

you snort. isis is not still out there.

i think they are. he tries to tick them off on his fingers. isis, al qaeda. and the other one. what’s the other one?

i think you need to stay well away from middle eastern politics when you’re running a fever, you say, getting up to go.

you said my fever was low! 

and yet you’re fuckin addled. go back to sleep. with that, you head back towards the kitchenette to see what you can do. 

his pantry turns out to be not quite as empty as his fridge, so you pick up a couple things and get to cooking him something basic and nourishing. no sense in trying anything impressive. you’ll be lucky if the result is passably tasty. 

sunlight comes in through the window, throwing a rectangle of warmth on your shoulder. you retrieve a pot, a cutting board, a large knife.

eva’s his number one scariest person in the world, obviously. number two’s probably tiff? donna’s scary, but you get the sense that she’d be worse to her kids, or at least that it’d feel worse to be her kids. richie’s never directly talked about her, though he did made a couple bitter remarks early on about what he did for ‘the family’, and given that sugar hates his ass and carmy wasn’t around, it has to be donna he was trying to take care of. wait, maybe carmy’s number two. no, it’s tiff. it’s definitely tiff.

yo, richie says, what the fuck are you doing? stop.

you look up, bewildered. what? 

he’s sitting at the edge of the bed with his feet flat on the floor, like he’s prepared to stand up and stop you. with the light coming in through the window at his back and the hanging lamp of the kitchenette throwing gold on his front, he really does look like he’s coated in sweat. 

put the knife down, he says. commands from his mouth are usually fruitless protests issued for comedic effect, but not this time. you put the knife down. 

you okay? you say it like a gentle person would, only to have your gesture immediately spoiled.

who taught you to cut onions like that? he says, like you’re physically hurting him. you do not cut onions like that! 

oh my god, fucking stop me. you roll your eyes and pick up the knife again, only to hear a tell-tale grunt from richie. no, that was a joke. don’t—you throw down the knife with an annoyed clatter. i’ll be fine. just watch your baseball or something, okay? sorry i’m not fucking carmy and i can’t go all human food processor on it, but let me do my thing.

after a second, richie says, ‘s gonna taste like shit, isn’t it.

you want me to go? you say, stung.

no, richie says immediately. i just want to know what you’re gonna do with those onions.

you shrug, a touch defensively. i was gonna brown it, add a couple cans of campbell’s beef and barley. something like that. it’s really sad when you say it out loud, just two ingredients: onions and canned soup. 

i don’t hate that, richie says. 

you look at him warily, unsure of whether that’s meant as an insult or the world’s most pathetic compliment. 

just curl your fingers when you cut, right? fuckin—he imitates, to show you how your left hand is supposed to be positioned, while he mimes chopping with his right. it really should not be charming. unfortunately, it kinda is.

yeah, yeah, you mutter, and then you go back to your cutting board and try to practice what he just taught you. 

usually, you have protein bars for snacks, frozen pizzas for meals, takeaway for variety, and pre-bagged salads for your recent attempts at health, so it really has been ages since you cooked like this. 

kind of feels like you’ve been missing out. there’s a peaceful feeling to this simple concentration, a bit like your work but without any of the stress. you take little breaks every now and again to prevent the onion from making you cry. with each break, you take a look at something new: the drawings from eva that he has pinned to the fridge, the poster for the movie white squall, the stack of books that look like somebody’s actually read them. 

when you start shoveling slices of onion into the pot, richie calls over, don’t turn the heat up too high.

i won’t, you say, unbothered.

you get about thirty seconds of peace, stirring your onions as you add some oil, and then richie pipes up again.

seriously, he says, if it doesn’t brown fast enough, don’t turn the heat up, just—

the heat’s at four out of ten, fuck’s sake. your swearing is just for show, because you’re feeling nearly mellow. there’s something so soothing about the crackling sound of the onions in the hot oil. are you drinking your water?

i already drank it all!

not believing him, you walk over, only to find that the cup is indeed empty. you refill it, then linger for a second, trying to make sense of the baseball he’s streaming on his laptop. 

look at this guy, richie says, referring to some player that you’ve never seen before in your life and probably never will again. the guy’s winding up to take a swing. you both watch. the guy hits a foul, and richie shakes his head in disgust. you grunt, noncommittal and happy, and return to your caramelizing onions.

by the time you’re done cooking, he’s asleep. 

.

.

.

you pour out two bowls of soup and put the rest of it in the fridge. that plus the saltines are enough to get him through the night and another day. you doubt the fever will last much longer than that. 

as you do the washing up, you make sure to scrub off every last bit of onion from the bottom of the pot, and then you leave all the clean dishes on the rack to dry.

between soup and saltines, richie should have enough for tonight and tomorrow, and you doubt the fever will last much longer than that. with the cooking and washing up is done, you walk over, sit on the bed beside him, and set down two bowls of soup on the deep windowsill that serves as his side table. his laptop has gone to sleep, and the silence in the absence of baseball is pretty much perfect. so is the sunlight.

you take off your hoodie, finally—you were starting to sweat yourself near the end there, thank goodness he was too sick to notice—and tug down your original berf shirt. it’s safe enough. richie’s out cold, snoring a little. with the tylenol doing its work, he’s not as sweaty as before, so you drag the sheets up from the foot of the bed and make sure they’re tucked over his shoulders.

taking out a sharpie from your coat pocket, you root around in the pile of assorted mail by his bedside until you come up with a pizza flier you can write on. you leave him the phone number of the burner you kept for michael. reason being, it’s the only number you know by heart, and you’re too tired to deal with any more unexplained absences. 

after all, you figure, you can be good and still take it a little easier. that’s all you’ve done today, take it a little easier, and it feels really fucking good.

settling down, you reach over richie again to get your bowl and your spoon. the bowl is warm in your lap, and even though you weren’t hungry before, the act of cooking has worked up your appetite. the soup smells good to you: sweet, savory, a bit like childhood. 

your father used to say grace at the table, and though you never do that anymore, there’s something still left to be said.

you know, you say, you’re the number three scariest person in the world to me too. you sit with that for a moment, and then you add, number two once told me he would shoot me in the face, so. there’s that. 

richie looks completely harmless like this, slumped on his side under the sheets, turned a little towards you with his eyes closed. he’s way easier to talk to when he’s unconscious, go figure. you can't touch him, though.

drink your fucking water, you say quietly. 

and then, still looking at him like he’s a photo to remember, you begin to eat your soup.

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[ next chapter ] [ masterlist ]

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@garbinge, @narcolini, @drabbles-mc, @beingalive1, @eternallyvenus, @cerial-junkie, @jackierose902109 — if anyone else wants to be tagged, let me know.

[evita-shelby]

What happens in Vegas

Chapter 2

@justrainandcoffee @zablife @thegreatdragonfruta

To sell the ruse that they have always been dating, Jack takes her home for Christmas. A trial by fire before they set off to Mexico before New Years because of course Katie and Colin are tying the knot on fucking New Year’s Eve.

God, his sister and her fiancé were so cheesy. Jack’s never gonna be like that when his time comes.

His sister likes her already, Eva was amazingly easy to like. Friendly and fun and good at lying.

Like saying that they had been dating since October, but not wanting to jinx it so they kept it a secret until her aunt found out two weeks ago. It was easy to lie when they have proof something did go on, that they have gone on ‘dates’ and have an easy time with public displays of affection.

Jack had no trouble in greeting his fake girlfriend with a peck in the mouth when they had coffee with Katie before class.

He had solicited Katie’s help with it, and Katherine had delivered. Chicks like Eva love antiquing and the perfect gift for her would be found there. And she’d been right, the old jewelry was definitively something Evie wore, and his gift was gonna knock her socks off.

Even better, it was found in the first shop his sister had taken him to because Jack has no patience for anything let alone shopping.

A locket with a black anatomically correct heart with flowers carved into it because he knows Eva loves that shit. The picture inside ---because Katie demanded a picture when he asked for her help--- even made them look like a couple. Him with his arm around her shoulders and kissing Eva as they won yet another round of craps at the casino they met.

“She doesn’t mention you on her Instagram.” Katie points out as she snoops on Eva’s social media to call their bluff. He’d taken his phone from her when the next item in the album ended up being a series of nudes taken during their crazy hook up in Vegas and now entertained herself with Eva’s Instagram.

“Wants privacy, her family is a big deal in Mexico. Like the Koch Family except left wing and as crazy as the Kardashians.” Jack knew enough about Eva to answer these questions with ease. Her family was obscenely rich, too much in the limelight and that always made her relationships go to hell.

Her last breakup had ended with paparazzi outing her as a lesbian despite being bisexual causing a whole shit show that ended with her leaving the country for good and meeting him in Vegas.

Their arrangement worked for her because no one knew who she was seeing, so they didn’t bother either of them, and Jack really enjoyed having a great excuse as to why he never became serious about the other women he fooled around with.

They were friends who partnered together often and enjoyed fucking each other without all the messiness of relationships while focusing on their studies.

“It’s why I like being with you, I get to be just Eva with you, dark_avenger69.” She had said leaning her head against his chest and teasing him over his short ---but unsurprisingly lucrative--- time as the American camboy with the realistic fake Australian Accent when he studied in Melbourne during undergrad.

Only she knew about it beyond Katie, the moment he returned to the states he had closed the account for good, went to Vegas to keep his mother from assuming he’d gone back to the gang that had him hiding out in Australia for two years and invested in stocks that Eva had recommended for him.

They were a match made in heaven, or so Katie had said.

Maybe this trip to Mexico could let them see where it goes. It wouldn’t be that different to make the jump from friends with benefits to real boyfriend and girlfriend.

“Was afraid you’d forgotten I can’t drive.” Eva jokes as he opened the door to his car for her. She is dressed to the nines like always, but this outfit was picked out to match his on purpose not accidentally like the other times they’ve ended up matching.

“I’d be a shitty boyfriend to forget that, doll.” He smiles and hopes his corny ass sister put the mistletoe on the doorway for the third year in a row.

His family is nice.

Her family is nice too, but Eva’s not ashamed to say they are a lot.

Her mother was spending it in New York after dropping her latest gigolo in wherever the fuck she was this time. Eva just didn’t feel like seeing her and pretending she’s fine despite the fact that she abandoned her when she was a kid because Isabel Riley was “just not cut out to be a mother”.

But Eva’s issues with her mother and her slight nerves at making a bad impression on Jack’s mother are forgotten when out of nowhere Jack dips her and kisses her like people do in movies. He could be thoughtful and romantic when he cared about his significant others, never seen more than Jack carrying his exes’ books or lying about the nature of his relationship with Eva.

She kisses back ---obviously--- and looked forward to more kissing outside of sex. If his mom hadn’t opened the door, Eva knows neither would’ve stopped.

“What? Just introducing my girlfriend to American Christmas traditions.” He jokes with his mother before introducing them like the good boyfriend he is pretending to be. “Mom, this is my girlfriend, Eva. Eva this is my mom, Rosemary.”

Eva’s first words to Jack’s mother are an apology for making out with her son at her doorstep, and yet it all went pretty well. Hell, the woman even got her a gift and a tres leches cakes from a local Mexican bakery.

Eva had not come empty handed, with good wine and gifts a bit too grand for the occasion that could make her come across as the out-of-touch rich girl she doesn’t want to be, but the whole thing was depending on them falling for their lies.

If they weren’t too busy with school and setting up their future businesses, they could give this a real and honest try. They like each other, they are sexually compatible, and Jack is not weird about her being bi and having dated women.

“So did you get your wonderful girlfriend anything?” she asks him once his family is out of earshot. It’s a small gathering, Rosemary’s mother and brother had only come for a short while and Jack’s paternal family still lived in Ireland, Katie and Colin had brought one of his siblings visiting from England and for now it’s just the two of them cuddling on a couch.

Jack was a different guy than he appeared, one look at him and you’d think he’s a stereotypical fratbro who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. She knew that already; it was just seeing more of that secret softy side was really making it difficult for her not to get the wrong idea about him. He probably doesn’t want her that way and Eva’s just imagining things because he’s putting several of her former lovers to shame tonight.

“It’s not a thong if that’s why you’re asking.” He pulls out a small gift wrapped in a black bow from his coat pocket.

Eva knows its jewelry and yet when she finds the heart carved locket with a hint of wear and opens it to find that picture of the two of them together in Vegas, she is so touched that her heart skips a beat and knows her gasp has been heard by everyone there.

“It’s beautiful.” She touches it feeling a great deal of emotion with a heady sense of déjà vu. She believed in magic, had a touch of it and yet this felt wonderfully different.

The locket even had their initials carved on the back.

Despite how often they have touched each other since they met, Jack putting the locket on her feels different. More intimate than any caress during sex, more heartfelt than anything they’ve had, and Eva would be lying if she claimed she didn’t want it to happen again.

“Katie helped me find it, first thing I saw, and I knew you’d like it. The previous owners were also called Jack and Eva weird enough.” He doesn’t believe in magic or soulmates, and yet he because he knows she does, Jack had bought it for her.

She kisses him again in thanks, a sweet kiss that doesn’t go very far, but shares that vibe of ‘different’ as everything that’s happened tonight so far.

Eva’s afraid to admit it, she might have fallen for Jack.

Fuck.

A/N:

The locket is from this story where Jack and Eva are soulmates in three universes

The Koch Family is the third richest family in the US and notorious for buying politicians, the level of wealth and power is just a reference to how the Rileys would be in the modern era. Just as the Kardashians are a reference as to how batshit insane they are without the restrictions of 1920s limitations.

Dark_Avenger69 is the name James Frecheville has in the Omeleto shortfilm on YouTube where he is the camboy the housewife is getting off too in Homebodies.

This may be too obvious, but James Frecheville is actually Australian lol

[kushanna]

i just finished umineko recently and you have my deepest sympathies as someone who also was frustrated with ep8 for multiple reasons, and as someone who generally clashes against logic puzzles / riddles / mysteries esp the way umineko handles it. if you're getting frustrated with bernkastel's game in ep8, i'd advise thinking about "who would bern make the culprit in her game? what motive would she have to create a game with X culprit(s)?" in conjunction with the purple truths

hmmm my problem right now isn't even with the riddles and puzzles themselves but with the fact that the story has stopped for them, which has never happened before. the mysteries would happen and the story would progress whether i attempted to solve them or not, which for me was the perfect pace and i think was the exact reason why i always strived so hard to solve them. but now, right at the end, everything stops until i do it? unless there's a trick somewhere i haven't noticed yet that makes the answer quite a simple one, this seems like something that will take me a while to do. and meanwhile i will have to sit here🧍🏼‍♀️and contemplate. i'm still trying to comprehend why this final game board exists and what it could mean, but thanks! i'll think about what you said.

since you said you were frustrated for other reasons as well, i'll take this opportunity to vent and say i mostly didn't vibe with the whole halloween party thing, and i'm from the bottom of my heart hoping something will change my mind, open my eyes and make me have an epiphany, but so far it seems i'm not as filled with love as umineko wants me to be. was i supposed to vibe with it? the whole thing seemed quite ludicrous. just seeing kyrie, who a minute ago was going off about how she didn't give two fucks about her daughter while murdering everyone in front of her, being all sentimental about eva taking care of ange was kinda laughable. seeing things with love in this context doesn't seem to me to do much good, it actually seems to do the opposite. even without taking into consideration what's "truth" or not, was i supoosed to care for kinzo being a warm father who gives his children presents when i've read 200+ hours worth of a story where the only thing he ever did was abuse and traumatize them? this is a genuine question. basically, if you present me a story as a tragedy, these sort of illusory happy variants will not warm my heart, they will just seem to banalize the tragedy i have been following all along. not quite the same but a somewhat similar thing happened with seeing the ushiromiyas leaving the chapel on ep. 7 as a happy family with lion. it did nothing for me except leave me with a strange feeling and when bernkastel said the massacre would still happen in that case, it made much more sense to me. umineko has taught me that i hate love

i do like "could have been" cases, though, so lion as a possibility where natsuhi didn't reject the baby was very interesting to me and i did enjoy it, the possibility of lion itself was never the issue to me. same with eva & ange on the halloween party, where the vibe seemed more like imagining the positive relationship that could have developed between them and less completely erasing and banalizing the tragedy that followed, it did move me (though i still take issue with some of the things that were said there). i think i just don't like sentimentality. anyway. what was i saying

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 25

It... really isn't though.

Last episode, Shinji killed the last Angel, albeit reluctantly, and that pretty much wraps up the main conflict of the series. So now we just need to wrap up all the loose ends. You know, answer the lingering questions such as:

What is an Eva?

Where did the Angels come from?

When did the Second Angel show up? Did I miss that somewhere?

What's the deal with Rei?

What was SEELE up to?

What was Gendo Ikari up to?

No, really, what's the deal with Rei?

What actually caused Second Impact?

Where did the Dead Sea Scrolls come from, and why did SEELE and Gendo believe the apparent predictions that it made?

Why did they need fourteen-year-old children to pilot the Evas?

What is the Human Instrumentality Project, exactly?

I'm not kidding, what the fuck is the deal with Rei? You can't just dodge the question; she's one of the principal characters. You put her on all the merchandise for crying out loud.

Did Pen-Pen get reunited with Misato after she sent him away to live with friends just before the final battle?

Wow, that's a longer list than I realized. Anyway, Episode 25 takes a long hard look at those unanswered questions and then wads it up and throws it in the trash, then sets the trash can on fire and burns down the entire house. Then Episode 25 goes back in time and erases the very concept of information from the fundamental design of the universe, so that no coherent answers can possibly exist.

If you enjoyed Neon Genesis Evangelion, and are curious to know what happens after Episode 24, Episode 25 wants you to know that it hates you. When you watch Episode 25, you know less about this show than you did before you watched it.

Now, I expected something kind of abstract and surreal. I've heard about this. Fans were dissatisfied with the way the series ended, which eventually led to the release of "End of Evangelion", which promised to deliver a more satisfying conclusion to the series.

I never quite understood, until today, just how dissatisfied the fans really were at the time. I feel like I heard once, long ago, someone complaining that NGE was simply unfinished. Like it got cancelled or something or the writers gave up without writing the rest of it. But that appears to be untrue, so I'm left to assume that whoever said that was just being sarcastic. It's like that xkcd cartoon about the Matrix movie, and the characters lament the fact that they never made a sequel. The joke is that they know there were sequels, but they prefer to pretend that they didn't exist.

And I think at some point I found out that End of Evangelion was like a retelling of the story, but I assumed it was just because you see that a lot in anime. Adolescence of Utena basically does a whole other version of the story in the Utena TV series, basically.

But no, I eventually found out that fans just really, really hated Episodes 25 and 26, and EoE was a make-good. Like, it literally functions as a new Episode 25 and 26 for the TV show, from what I understand. I was looking over an episode list on Wikipedia, and that's how it's listed. There's Episodes 1-26, and then 25A and 26A.

That's wild. I've been curious about this the whole time, and now I'm here and man, Episode 25 is some serious bullshit. I kind of expected it to be weird, and maybe inconclusive, but still in a good kind of way. Like... well, Revolutionary Girl Utena is probably a good example. I watched that show a few years ago and I'm still baffled by most of it, but it had a charm and beauty to it that kept me engaged. I would have preferred a more coherent narrative, but I still found enjoyment from it.

But NGE 25 just sucks. There's no other way to say it. It doesn't advance the plot, it doesn't reveal any secrets or solve any mysteries. It doesn't really do much of anything. I'll try to explain this mess, but fair warning: I don't think there's much to unpack here.

So we start with Shinji agonizing over the way he killed Kaworu, the 17th Angel, at the end of the last episode. This might be promising, except he already agonized over this at the end of Episode 24. I mean, he could continue where he left off. That would be fine, except this episode even repeats the same scene where he talks to Misato about it and she assures him that he did the right thing. No new insights are introduced here.

Shinji imagines himself in the grasp of Eva Unit 01, and laments that he still has to pilot the Eva, even after all that's happened. Uh, who said you have to keep piloting the Eva, sport? I'm not saying this is true or untrue, but why does Shinji assume this when he has no more enemies to fight, and his dad hasn't assigned him to a new mission?

This is what pisses me off. In a good episode, the story would just move forward in linear time. The battle with Kaworu would be over, and everyone would dust themselves off and ask what's next. Gendo would either tell everyone what to do, or they'd defy Gendo and try to stop him. Or something. Someone would have to tell Shinji that he will have to continue piloting the Eva, or that he never has to pilot it again, and he could react to that information.

Instead, we have him whining about facts that aren't even in evidence. Does he have to keep piloting the Eva or not? We don't know! Neither does he! And we can't find out because this stupid episode is some sort of dream sequence/acid trip instead of being set in the "real" world!

And again, I kind of knew it would be like this, that NGE ended with Shinji having some weird introspection instead of a proper finale. But what drives me nuts is that we really don't learn anything new about him. He hates his dad for abandoning him! He does what he's told because he's desperate for the approval of others! He's afraid of people hating him! He hates piloting the Eva but he does it because people appreciate him for it! We already know this! Dammit, we've been hearing about it for the entire run of the show.

Hey, did you know Asuka's bio-mom hanged herself when she was little? Yes, you did, because we found out in Episode 24. Episode 25 just... shows us all over again like it's new information. It doesn't do anything new with it. It just rehashes the same observation that Asuka craves attention and glory and praise because she fears losing her identity without it. Nothing is added nor resolved.

I think the one new tidbit we get from this episode is that Rei has longed for the day when she would no longer be of any use to Gendo Ikari, and he would discard her. She waits for death, but now she fears it, which is pretty dark. Assuming that this is even the "real" Rei making that statement. We'll come back to that.

Oh, hey, Ritsuko Akagi is dead. When did that happen?

And so is Misato. Okay, maybe we're getting back to the real world, and seeing events play out. Gendo has triumphed over the Angels, and now he's liquidating his allies as he moves on to the next phase of his plan...

Wait, no, they're alive again, and arguing over the merits of the Human Instrumentality Project, which Ritsuko claims is designed to merge all human consciousness together into one big collective mind. Except... I don't believe that explanation, because it's being presented in a surreal fantasy. Ritsuko had a bullet hole in her a second ago and now she's fine. How can I accept any information presented in this scene?

Episode 25 then examines Misato's character for a while, under the pretense of proving some sort of oblique thesis, but in reality it just slut shames her for having casual sex with Kaji. The episode accuses her of giving in to base, carnal desires, and she screams denial after denial. I kept waiting for some deep dark secret to be at the heart of all of this. Like Misato only drinks and fucks to hide some secret shame, but no. She just drinks and fucks, because she's a grown-ass woman who can do whatever she wants when she's off-duty. This isn't catharsis, it's just filler disguised as drama. Who is she even arguing with?

Finally, Shinji finds himself in an empty theater, surrounded by other characters from the show. Like a Greek chorus, they inform him that this is but one of many realities, and what he's experiencing now is the reality he chose, a world cut off from everything that could possibly cause him discomfort. Also, he can't escape this fate, because he chose it, even though he repeatedly denies doing so.

And this is where I wrote off the episode as trash, because the like "This is real, but only one of the many realities" is the biggest cop out ever. So we're saying everything in this episode both happened and didn't happen? Then why does any of it matter?

This is why I question the point of Rei admitting she longs for death. If the real Rei thought this way, then it would be powerful. We know Rei. We've come to care about her over the course of the series. But the Rei we see in this episode may only be a figment of Shinji's imagination. Or she may not even be that. What she admits or denies in this episode is meaningless.

Anyway, yeah, fuck this episode. The only takeaway here is that Shinji has somehow gotten lost in his own head. He created a private haven for himself, but it's nothing more than a prison. Whooptee-shit.

Yeah, yeah, the next episode preview has deteriorated to mere script drafts instead of visuals. It's not cute anymore.

[rambleonwaywardson]

I’m curious about 75 & 76 for To the Moon and Back 💓

75. What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it? 

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]?

And also number 14 because the way you write emotions is just phenomenal! ♥️

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

Thank you so much for this! Long answers incoming.

75. Each of the last few chapters has seemed to have at least one "problem scene" that I have to work at for a while. But (other than the fact that I'm taking longer in general now), the first thing that comes to mind is the entire re-entry/recovery sequence in chapter 16, starting with atmospheric re-entry and ending with Bucky being lifted into the helo. I did A LOT of research about NASA recovery procedures for this. I also spent a long time going through Apollo mission transcripts in an effort to get the timing and transcript dialogue how I wanted it. Plus, there were a lot of characters to contend with, a lot of emotions to "get right" and fit in between a bunch of technical happenings, and it took me a long time to sort through Bucky's state, thoughts, pain, and emotions alone. This is definitely one of the scenes that saw the most editing, that I kept going back to over and over to change things, even if only slightly, until I liked it.

76. Yes! Most of my ideas for To the Moon and Back did make it in (it's fucking long y'all), but I actually have a scene drafted of the very first time the Buckies met. Originally, I was going to start the whole thing with a prologue when they met in college, but I omitted it (we hear about that first encounter in the wedding chapter, though). I also initially intended for Curt to be able to do his last EVA to harvest their plants, but the way I ended up writing Bucky's recovery post-incident didn't allow for it. In general, the way I envisioned Bucky's injury and recovery evolved a lot, and that altered several other parts of the story.

14. This is a difficult question. Sometimes for emotional scenes, I really just write without thinking too much, especially for some of Gale's "falling apart" scenes while Bucky is still on the moon - I just ramble and it comes out. Some of them take a lot more time and care. If it's impactful enough, I do feel what the characters feel to an extent, and I often sit there and play with words, phrases, imagery, and sentence structure until I feel it really strike me. A lot of the time, I have a very clear image in my head of what would be happening - for example, Gale collapsing to his living room floor with Maggie's drawing clutched in his hand, and Marge holding him - and I spend a lot of time finding the right words to convey exactly what I'm imagining, not only the visual but the feeling. It's not always easy! And sometimes I can't tell if it's hitting the mark since I read it over and over, so thank you for the kind words ❤❤

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP3. Replay Part 5

Well yeah Battler, you got it! How did the other Golden Witch get her powers then?

lmfao owned.

Man Virgilia and Ronove really spoil Battler with all the hints.

Rosa and Eva speaking in code is pretty good, neither wants to leave the room without the other....

The fact Rosa shakes a bottle in frustration in trying to find something that isn't there while being angry at Maria for being mad that something isn't where it should be is pretty ironic.

Obviously this scene didn't literally happen and something closer to what actually happens is something like Eva telling Hideyoshi about the gold and her plans and etc while being disgusted by her own greed, while at the same time going deeper into it....

Maria's random insistence at this to me seems like a sign that this is something Yasu and Maria had pre-planned. If there was a deadlock taking place, she would cry about her rose, similar to how she used the cards to break deadlocks in episode 1 and 2. Though I don't think it would work like they intended this time if Eva didn't like, fuck things up her own way.... I don't think Yasu would murder Rosa in front of Maria and I don't think she would like, shoot Maria either....

Well.... obviously the truth is something in between here. Eva may not be enjoying tutoring Rosa at this moment, but she is surely having a fight with her about keeping the secret with her, and pushing her into the fence in frustration.... and then murdering her daughter to leave no witness. Granted, I don't think Eva would just go on a murder spree normally.... I think of it as something kind of like Meakashi Shion. The murders wouldn't have happened if the first accident didn't.

I.... forgot Battler just tells her to kill herself omg.... this scene is kind of interesting. i am kind of interpreting it as what Yasu was scared Battler would think of her when she found out about her murder mystery plans... we know from episode 8 manga that he is all things considered pretty forgiving of it, in actuality. But I could see Yasu thinking this is how it would go down or even what went through his head at first before stopping himself and thinking of what led to it. Also Beato will get to get her wish of seeing what Battler cooks in episode 8!

Of course she is exaggerating for her trick strategy, but I don't think this is too far from what she thought about herself, either, and it's not like she wasn't cruel with her pranks and stuff so it isn't entirely unwarranted, but...

I imagine she probably did apologize to Maria something like here when she found her corpse and had to fix it up, too....

Obviously, though, you are supposed to be very sus of Beato here lol. I mean she turotred Kanon like, a couple hours ago lol.

It's really funny how it seems this specific act didn't really trick anyone lol - sorry Yasu I guess you kind of failed.

There is a clear difference in my view in how the family acts towards the murder in this episode and the last one. In this one they more or less figured out both this and the first murder - compared to how in the first 2 episodes everyone was clueless. I think in universe you can justify this with there being more servant deaths and therefore less culprits to worry about and also you can theorize that Yasu assumed her plan would go without a hitch - something Tohya knew wasn't true.

Eva's desperate to throw suspicion elsewhere lmfao.

tldr people don't believe in magic anymore so to make them believe it you have to make very obtuse murders.

It is kind of funny Hideyoshi doesn't realize what is going on even though it is decently obvious, lol. Also, Natsuhi is freaking out because their reasoning is stupid - and I mean it is if you take it at face value, maybe you should have thought about it Hideyoshi!

"Until that question could be dealt with, the only answer was[...] magic" Is an interesting line. The answer to this sequence of events is obvious, Kyrie and Rudolf are luring out Hideyoshi.... so if this is framed as magic, it tells you how magic is used in other situations, and to go back to other magical scenes and see what you can take from them.

I kind of wonder how Hideyoshi was able to kill both Rudolf and Kyrie, especially at such a disadvantage. I guess he didn't come unscathed, though, considering he died. So it could be as simple as a bullet missing. him or him attacking before Rudolf and Kyrie were ready.

Uh huh, Kyrie... you can tell both this was written by someone with love for Kyrie and Rudolf and that they are someone who knows Kyrie might uh, have some issues.

To be honest, I originally took this to mean Eva literally did show herself and caused the shootout where she was the one survivor when I first read it... I guess I was being too literal when I read this for the first time. It's more of a general representation on Eva's complicated feelings towards her family, the gold, etc coupled with her fucking up the board.

Kyrie is more or less wrong about everything she says here, Rudolf was not in any remote way cornered, in fact if anything he was cornered *towards* dating Kyrie and he still picked Asumu. Kyrie was never anything more than Rudolf's side and they only ever got together officially because Asumu happened to die. To be honest I can't exactly blame rudolf for thinking Kyrie would kill him for revealing the truth.... he would in fact kind of deserve it.

I kind of want to use this scene to springboard to talk about misogyny in Umineko in general - specifically the ones experienced by the mothers. This entire chapter is basically an essay on how Eva faces misogyny, Natsuhi was basically sold and used as a womb, Rosa was left by her husband and forced to deal with how society treats single mothers, Kyrie has shit with her family as well as Rudolf both depending on her while using her as a side piece and feeling emasculated by her, etc. really all the women in Umineko are greatly affected by misogyny. And since Umineko deals a lot with generational trauma and cycle of abuse that is also how misogyny is passed down in Umineko Eva yells at Natsuhi about how she is just a womb, tries to use the fact George is male and Jessica female to steal the headship from Jessica, and that's even before the awful way they treat Shannon. Natsuhi refuses to engage with her daughter as a full person with a variety of interesting and own personality and instead tries to mold her into a "proper" and "modest" woman. Rosa tells her own daughter she is the reason her father left and blames her for the people she is dating not wanting to deal with her. And finally, Kyrie throws endless shit to Asumu and basically has a headcanon about how Rudolf is blameless and Asumu was just a homewrecking whore who got in the way of her and Rudolf, when Rudolf is obviously the one at fault. I don't want to make it look like I am saying these are basically the same characters or anything like that, there is a lot of difference in motivations behind why they do this, in how they cope with it, etc, but I mostly discuss that in other posts so I don't want to go into that much details. I think Umineko overall deals with misogyny in a good way- it understands that misogyny isn't just a Big Bad Old Fashioned Man you have to defeat, and afterward misogyny is solved, it isn't something you can just defeat by just changing the way you think or whatever but a system built in favor of men that gets internalized by everyone, including women, and that those attitudes are internalized and passed to the next generation before they can so much as even talked. This is a little bit of a tangent but related to how all of the characters previously talked about are both victims and afterward abusers or otherwise people that harm others, I am happy that WTC works in general aren't shy of showing how abuse can be internalized in bad ways that cause harm to others while still holding sympathy and space for the victims. A lot of works are scared of this because if done wrong it can look like victim blaming or ignoring victims in favor of abusers, but I think works like this are really important for victims to understand that some imperfect behavior after being abused is normal and that they aren't irredeemable and can grow themselves if they ever fail and do bad things. holy shit I went on a huge tangent. I haven't played in like 2 days because I got the idea to write this 2 days ago and have been workshopping on my brain how to word it.

Anyways back on regularly scheduled Umineko, it is kind of funny how the first time humans really 'win' against magic it's not really presented in a positive light. They won because their vices were even worse than the vices of the stakes representing sloth and envy.

Beatrice struggles about dancing around the fact she just wants Battler to acknowledge her for her own sake, lol.

they have hinted like 10 times that the chiester sisters = gun in the last like 20 lines lmfao.

They are dropping a bunch of hints towards what Beatrice actually wants here. The awkward conversation with EVA meant the same thing more or less too.

This scene's interesting - I am sure Hideyoshi in actuality DID feel Eva was being changed by the gold into a crueler person but everything points towards him being pretty enabling overall. Also Hideyoshi hints towards magic and witchdom being about being unable to deal with the past. Also there is a line that says "The gun near rudolf killed Hideyoshi (paraphrasing) which is kind of interesting considering the manga says it was Kyrie instead.

The fact Eva is freaking out this much about Hideyoshi going outside - even before she knew that Rudolf and Kyrie followed him is a hint that she was recruited, I think. After all, when talking with Rosa she said she thought the original murders were a prank, and she was the one that killed Rosa and Maria so.... why is she freaking out now?

Ok yeah - she's using Yasu keywords like 'Golden witch" and witch in general on a nonfantasy scene. Definitely some hints towards that I think. i didn't catch that Eva was an accomplice in this episode until I read the manga, to be honest. Thought she'd just murdered people on her own. Definitely didn't trust Yasu at all though, didn't even tell her she found the gold.