#even lucretia is like holy shit

[starsspin]

batiatus really down plays just how goddamn clever he really is and i love it. like he and lucretia have that whole argument about what's going to happen when sura gets there. and batiatus is like don't worry about it, i got it covered. and then just as she does get there, she dies in sparty's arms and batiatus turns to lucretia with this look and says "my word is kept, they are reunited." all but saying that this had more or less been the plan from the start LIKE SIR THAT IS SO COLD and despicable but also absolutely brilliant

[coolattas]

thinking about lucretia adventurezone and grinding my teeth down to the gums because holy fuck dude. holy shit. she was impossibly, horribly young on the starblaster. three hops and a jump from being a fucking baby. the two-sunned planet is devoured by the hunger in the same year that she graduates from high school. she is easily the youngest of the birds, even considering the differing rates of aging amongst the rest of the crew. teenaged astrophysicist, wizard, author, artist, without ties solid enough back home to keep her from the starblaster's maiden voyage. she writes and rewrites every moment she can wring from her memories into enough notebooks that it's damn near arthritis-inducing to step within 50 feet of the stacks upon stacks of field notes, of detailed accounts and gentle, domestic benignity. she loves and she loses and it still can't ever prepare her for the next decade. a century dwarfs the time she spends alone running the bureau, but the sheer magnitude of her loss is incomparable. lucretia learns to live in the stolen century, learns to rely on others, learns to trust and care and laugh and build, create, sacrifice, indulge. she pries these things away from herself in the name of a greater good, to what she believes to be their only hope. she sees the agony they're in, and she inadvertently compounds that anguish when she tries to fix it. she is 18 and 118 when she feeds fisher her journals. she is 30 and 130 and 50 and 150 when taako holds a staff to her chest and counts down like it means anything to her anymore that she dies. maybe it's atonement, but even that sounds far too holy a word to describe it. her brother grips her life in his hands, and she thinks it's only fair that he is the one to soundly smother it at last. the lonely journal-keeper is so young and so impossibly old and she is so, so tired. her family will outlive her by centuries. she will be a fine powder, dust beneath the crust of the planet, long before she believes their forgiveness will ever be known. if that day comes at all. everything she has ever done is soured by a guilt so weighty that she spends every day trying to play damage control with the havoc she feels solely responsible for having wrought. she lives within the confines of dichotomy, of red and blue and good and bad, even when she knows she's lying through her teeth, because its easier to live with herself (it's not) when she justifies it, when everyone else lives and dies by the idea that she got it right. she spends 12 years alone, sitting in the thick of her own grief. she mourns men who are right in front of her face. she sees the way they have changed, so fundamentally, sees the ways her choices have ruined them. 12 years is such a long time to be alone. 12 fucking years. she ages 32 in the same span, shedding decades in wonderland in the blink of an eye, and she knows she's running out of time. she's willing to give up whatever she has left, without question. lucretia loves so fiercely and so unquestionably and still she believes herself to be irredeemably cruel when really she was just so scared, tethered to any sense of hope only by the idea that she was doing right by her family. in a position that no one should have to be in, a situation that virtually no one else could truly understand. she was so young and she suffered so, so much. more than any person should. she is flawed but she is not the monster she convinces herself she has become. lucretia adventurezone they could never make me hate you lets kiss on the mouth ok?

[lifes-line]

Bro May I just discuss the biggest twist in TAZ balance podcast that shook me to my core—

(Obviously spoilers for TAZ Balance podcast and graphic novel)

So— like

Taako having a twin sister was obviously wild. Like Lup was such a major presence in the entire story and we didn’t even know who tf she was which is incredible- how you can love Lup and know nothing about her.

But that was wild but it didn’t blow my mind.

Now the tres honry boys and the lot being red robes was also like holy shit but it didn’t shock me all that much either— again A MAJOR MAJOR TWIST and I was surprised but I was more like- I need answers than I could actually be surprised you know?

No what fucking shook me to my core - shocked me the most— I’m talking having to physically pause the goddamn podcast as when Lucretia said; “and then… their was our captain”

And we FUCKING CUT TO DAVENPORT

AND HE GOES “Lucretia… what have you done?!”

I WAS LIKE

W H A T

DAVENPORT? THE FUCKING LIL GNOME LUCRETIA HIRED TO BE HER PERSONAL BUTLER

The dude who could only SAY HIS OWN NAME?

THAT’S YOUR FUCKING LEADER? REALLY?

THE GUY WHO DRESSED IN A CANDLENIGHTS MASCOT OUTFIT AND WAS ALMOST TEMPTED BY THE PHILOSOPHER STONE?

THAT DAVENPORT?

Anyway I can’t wait for that to be drawn

[barry-j-blupjeans]

"Lucretia," Barry's voice said, urgent. "Take down the lich wards."

Lucretia hadn't had a full conversation with Barry in… years. There was a time, years and years ago, where Barry would reach out to her every once and a while, or she would reach out to him. The lonely years. The first few after the Redaction, where she felt much older her body said, even after Wonderland. Sometimes, she find him and they'd just sit. They wouldn't talk about it, they wouldn't try to argue with each other. Lucretia knew that Barry needed that as much as she did. He was a lich built on bonds for goodness sake.

Other times, Barry reached out to her. He'd give her updates on what was going on down planetside. He kept track of Taako's tour for her, though she hadn't needed an update after Glamour Springs. He delivered a gift from both of them to Magnus's wedding, an old wooden duck hidden in an unmarked box. He kept an eye on Merle for her as he left the Coralheart Clan.

The last few months had splintered their relationship more than ever and Lucretia knew it was her fault. But you couldn't make a good story without a good villain and, well, Barry was right there. After Goldcliff, he had called her. Lucretia's heart broke a little more with the single-word question "why?". She had hung up without answering.

Now, he was calling again.

"What-"

"Lucretia," Barry said. "Please."

Lucretia hesitated. She had been doing that a lot recently.

"Tell me what for," Lucretia said, already walking toward her holy ward to turn it off.

"They-" his voice crackled through the Stone. "Taako has Lup's umbrastaff."

Lucretia exhaled. Alright. She could deal with this.

"He's had it since before he came up here," Lucretia said, voice low. She deactivated the traps on the way to the smaller voidfish room. "I'm- I'm sorry, I don't know when he go-"

"No," Barry said. "Listen. Taako has Lup's umbrastaff."

"I'm aware, Barry."

"The umbrastaff Lup designed to absorb defeated magical things," Barry said. "If- If Lup died with it- she did, they told me she did in the- the crystal lab thing- Lucretia, if Lup died with it, Lup is inside it."

Lucretia stopped in the middle of the hallway.

"Oh," Lucretia said. "Shit."

"Yeah," Barry said.

"Shit," Lucretia said again, with feeling.

"Yeah," Barry repeated. "Lucretia, I can't- if she's in there, I can't just- we can't leave her in there, I gotta- we gotta do something."

Lucretia tightened her grip on her stone, as she had started to lose her grasp. She tried to think. There had to be a logical way to go about this.

Narratively speaking, Barry was her enemy. They were two sides of this same fucked-up coin. That being said, Lucretia was struggling to recall a time in the last few months were Barry had vocally argued with what she was doing. He had his chance, in the Millers' Lab. He could have told the boys she was lying, or that she was the one who couldn't be trusted. Instead, he had left them with a warning that had nothing to do with Lucretia at all. He wanted to help them. She wanted to help them.

"Are we sure," Lucretia said, walking with intent towards her holy ward, "that Lup is inside the umbrastaff?"

"Eighty- no, ninety- ninety-five percent sure," Barry said. Lucretia took a deep breath in, but Barry continued. "Luce, just- you've been around Taako more than I have the past few months. Have you ever seen the umbrastaff do something without his control? Or have you heard about it doing something- something weird or like it's acting by itself?"

"There was an… initiation trial," Lucretia said. There was a sinking feeling in her gut at the fact that she had been able to think of an event immediately. "When the boys joined the Bureau. Taako, uh, snapped his wand by accident and went to use the umbrastaff instead. And with the magic that Taako knew at that moment, the Magic Missile he shot was nowhere near the skill he possessed. That's not a- I'm not trying to downplay him or his abilities-"

"Lucretia," Barry said. "Try to tell me Lup wouldn't try to fuck up something that Taako is facing, especially after he lost his only weapon."

Lucretia slid the door to the small voidfish chamber open. The baby voidfish floated to the top of its tank, peaking out at her. The holy ward sat on the table nearby.

"Take down the lich wards," Barry said again, sounding more than a little desperate. "I'm- I'm beggin' ya, Lucretia. Please."

"Finding Lup… isn't going to stop me," Lucretia said. "You know that, right?"

"Lucretia, I- I'm not gonna say what you're doing is right, but I know I can't convince you otherwise anymore. I'll play along with whatever weird, shitty story you've got set up if you can help me get Lup back."

"You can't come up here," Lucretia said, setting the stone down on the table.

"I just want-"

"You've got a whole moon's worth of people who think you're the bad guy, Barry," Lucretia said. She picked up the ward, turning it over in her hands. "And I'm- I'm sorry that it came to this, but even with the lich wards down, you can't come up here."

"Ple-" his voice cracked. "Please, Luce."

"I'll get her to you," Lucretia said. She turned a notch on the ward, deactivating it. Her hands were shaking when she set it down. "I promise."

Lucretia hung up the stone, cutting off whatever Barry was going to say. She set the lich ward back down and took a deep breath, trying to really feel The Director role for what she had to do next.

She had a few plot holes to figure out.

[asexual-juliet]

the lonely journal keeper lucretia will remember that.

(full playlist & notes under the cut)

i. landslide - fleetwood mac well, I've been afraid of changin' / 'cause I've built my life around you / but time makes you bolder / even children get older / and I'm getting older too the other day @papergardener referred to lucretia and magnus as “these two children having to grow up and yet unable to” which i have not stopped thinking about since and like, the gravity of “even children get older / and i’m getting older, too” with the context of the century lucretia spent as such a young woman and then the way she lost 20 years so suddenly in wonderland… like shit, man, i guess children DO get older… fuck…

ii. house by the sea - moddi and i’m trying my best to be tough / to pretend i am strong and can siphon it off / but i’m not who i wanted to be / in my heart i belong in a house by the sea this is mostly related to the fic i wrote about stolen century-era lucretia and magnus talking about getting platonically married someday and lucretia dreams of them getting a cottage by the ocean together and once again papergardener recommended this song to me in the comments. so. a+ to them this is definitely a lucretia song <3

iii. training montage - the mountain goats i'm doing this for revenge / i am doing this to try and stay true / i’m doing this for the ones they had to leave behind / i’m doing this for you this song is specifically about the cycle with the four judges where lucretia has to fight her way back to her friends alone–both the lyrics and the feeling of a “training montage” really vibe with this for me… there’s also the brutal connotation of “i’m doing this for the ones they had to leave behind / i’m doing this for you” when it comes to lucretia as madame director… yeah.

iv. northern attitude - noah kahan you build a boat / you build a life / you lose your friends / you lose your wife literally like. building a boat and a life is obviously about the seven birds and the starblaster but on the next chorus instead of “lose your friends, lose your wife” it’s “lose your kids, lose your wife,” and like. taako losing his friends (and like obviously they all lost their friends but also with reference to taako & sazed)... merle losing his kids… magnus losing his wife. it’s all right there and lucretia is watching from the sidelines as the new lives she built for her friends fall apart and she can’t do anything about it.

v. people watching - conan gray i wanna feel all that love and emotion / be that attached to the person i'm holding / someday, i'll be falling without caution / but for now, i'm only people watching furthering my aro lucretia agenda + i also feel like this really get to the core of like, lucretia just watching for twelve years… the detachment from everything and everyone around her, the way she’s forced herself to stay on the sidelines, the aching she must feel for all of it…

vi. cry for judas - the mountain goats some things you do just to see / how bad they'll make you feel / sometimes you try to freeze time / 'til the slots are a blur of spinning wheels once before performing this song at a concert, john darnielle said “this is a song about how when you think about what judas did you have to cry for him, because it’s pretty sad” and like… holy shit, man. that’s her. that’s lucretia. that’s her song. she did what she thought was right but she still betrayed her family and the sadness in that is just so immense. you know what john darnielle? it is pretty sad!! (also hiiii @nbshrubberry this is the second mountain goats song on here so this does in fact seem like your niche)

vii. bad guy - set it off when I fought for you / i kept you safe at night / i would have risked my life / and you made me the bad guy i was introduced to this song by perhaps the best TAZ animatic on the internet and it’s literally her song. it’s like… she so clearly thought what she was doing was the only solution and she has done everything she can to keep her family safe and yet they’ve still turned against her… that shit’s heartbreaking, bro

viii. everything stays - adventure time everything stays right where you left it / everything stays / but it still changes / ever so slightly, daily and nightly / in little ways, when everything stays the idea of like, after story and song lucretia is once again surrounded by her friends but there’s this tenseness she can’t quite overcome, especially in her relationship to taako… everything has shifted ever-so-slightly even if they’re all back together again… yeah.

ix. i miss you - kimya dawson i don't need to / but i want to / sing with you / 'cause i miss you i feel like this one is fairly self-explanatory but like, fuck, man, the overwhelming feeling of loss she’s got to be feeling throughout the podcast even with her friends standing right in front of her… the loneliness in being the only one who remembers… she just misses her family </3

x. pieces and pieces - the rough and tumble i have let you down, pieces and pieces. / i will make you mine again, pieces by pieces.  it’s about loving and losing and making mistakes and doing everything you can to fix them… acknowledging you let your family down and doing whatever you can to fix what you’ve done wrong!!! fuck!!!

xi. the ends and the means - robby hecht the ends / they justify the means, my friends / oh, the ends, they justify the means again fairly self-explanatory but the idea of the ends justifying the means and lucretia feeling so so deeply that what she did was the only solution and that one day the pain would be worth it… this one is more the main idea of the song than the lyrics but it still reminds me of her.

[vulturevanity]

Magnus: “Do you know anything about this umbrella?”

Madam Director: “Uh, no.”

Me:

[somelazyassartist]

Relistening to TAZ and just being like. Holy shit I want to make my own version of the graphic novels because there's so many good moments that got cut out and so much characterization that didn't show through in the official ones, like how they really leaned into Taako's "bitchiness" (best word I can think of to describe it right now) and leaned away from the "simple idiot wizard" aspect a lot. In fact actually I'm gonna say that- to be clear this is just my own opinion not necessarily based in canon- that talking away his self-proclaimed stupidity actually does a disservice to his character and takes away from things they could've elaborated on. Like they elaborate on Hurley and Sloane a bit more, the Taakitz relationship got ramped up a TON in the GN, we get to see some of the other characters from outside the protagonist's POV- why not use that to help show the long-term effects of the voidfish??? Taako had more than just the IPRE erased from him, Lucretia had to go through everything she knew about Taako's ENTIRE life to erase somebody who was there with him throughout ALL OF IT. Taako and Lup traveled and learned and studied together, they trained for the IPRE together, they became goddamn astrophysicists together, of course erasing half his memories of his entire life- including most of his proper education- would have a weird effect on his brain just like it had an effect on Davenport's!! And honestly the reactions to Lup's body within the podcast helps to that end too, because while he could see it and recognize that it was a dead person, he literally couldn't understand anything about it, he rolled a fucking 1, the worst he could possibly do trying to look further into it, that'd be a great way to show foreshadowing in the comics!! Not to mention taking away his (very important that it's self-proclaimed) stupidity sorta takes away from his relationship with the B.O.B., where he's worried that if he doesn't live up to their expectations they'll abandon him and that nobody else will have him either and he'll be all alone again. After a childhood (seemingly) all alone, an early adulthood running from the law and a crime he didn't commit, and memories of his only friends in-between those times completely erased. He downplays his intelligence to give people a lower starting expectation of him so that when he fucks up it's expected but when he does well he's praised for being better than they thought he'd be. He even argues with Lucretia a bit when she tells him not to undersell himself, he doesn't know she's seen how smart he really is, he tells her that he really is as stupid as everybody says. Gods this character means so fucking much to me this started with how I wanted to draw my own GN and ended with me overanalyzing a blorbo again I need to stop before I ramble any longer

[todefine-istolimit]

Davenport!

....related thoughts and opinions

He was intimidating on the ship! Like holy shit! The captain's back baby!

Equally mad and griffin and Davenport himself for the "davenport! Is my name" joke because I swear to god I had a fucking heart attack

I kinda like the idea of him doing that and saying his own name so frequently because like maybe it's a habit he picked up in trying to get used to saying his own name again without like flinching idk

I absolutely loved Dav automatically calling up Lucretia as if on instinct and Only Remembering Halfway Through what had happened

that line of basically "and I'm gonna say what I say at the end of every time we call which we do often" that implies that they dont talk frequently anymore because fuck how Do You Even Begin? But he doesnt necessarily want to acknowledge that either

I'm loving seeing him get to be himself though, absolutely feral little father figure for the birds, let him have another steel drum right away he's very special and deserves it so much

[liltaz-asatreat]

Based off of this post by @barry-j-blupjeans

.

Barry, Merle, and Davenport walk down the steps and into the belly of the Starblaster after another unsuccessful Light recovery mission. They know it has to be somewhere hidden in The Hollow Gorge, as the locals call it, but so far everyone who has gone out on a mission has always come back empty handed and with no new intel. It's more than frustrating to say the least, but they still have a little less than half of a year left. They're bound to find it eventually.

Barry stands in line behind Davenport as they wait for Merle to finish washing up in the bathroom, and he hears Lup call out to them down the hall. “Dinner's ready! We were able to get fresh food from a town near here while y'all were out, including fresh milk! So it won't have that weird conjured taste to it.”

Merle comes out of the bathroom smiling, and he high fives Davenport on his way to the dining room. “Alright! Can't wait to try it out!”

Davenport walks into the bathroom and closes the door, leaving Barry to stand in the hallway alone with his thoughts.

It looks like dinner is gearing up to be a slight problem for Barry. Not that he's not going to be able to enjoy it. On the contrary, everything Lup and Taako have made in the past two and half years have been amazing, and it's bound to be even better now that they're able to work with fresh ingredients. It's just that, depending on what they made tonight and how much milk they used to make it, his gut might attempt to murder him. Even when they used conjured milk and dairy, it made him at least slightly sick, and it will probably only be worse now with the real deal.

There is a simple solution to this that crosses Barry's mind as Davenport leaves the bathroom, but he doesn't want to miss out on their cooking. He also doesn't want to seem rude either by not eating their food or inconvenience them by asking that they work around his dietary restriction. Besides, it's been over two years, and he hasn't said anything. To say something now would make it weird that he didn't bring it up before, but in his defense, they weren't supposed to be out here for longer than two months. Also, they've been working to outrun and stop the apocalypse. Lactose intolerance is definitely one of those things that can afford to be on the back burner in comparison to that.

When Barry leaves the bathroom and makes his way to the dining room, everyone's already sat down, and dinner is well underway. There's a spot open between Lup and Lucretia which he takes, and Lup passes him a plate full of scalloped potatoes oozing with cheese. He smiles nervously as he takes it and thanks her. It looks so good, but he can feel his gut already screaming at him angrily. He pushes that aside and takes a bite of the food and instantly melts. “Holy shit, this is amazing!” He says, and Lup smiles.

“Thank you. It's nice to know someone appreciates my cooking.” Lup casts a pointed glare at Taako who just grins and flicks some cheese sauce at her.

“All I'm saying is that you added a little too much paprika, and if I were to make it-”

“Y'all, please.” Davenport sounds exhausted. “I've only been back for ten minutes, can you please at least argue about this later? Lup, it's very good food. Taako, please knock it off.”

Lup sticks her tongue out at Taako when Davenport looks back down at his food, and Taako flips her off.

Barry snorts and takes another bite of food. Their interactions remind him a lot of how he and his little sister, Anne, used to be like. They used to be super close before he moved to live at the IPRE headquarters. The last time he saw her was a year before their mission, and he's probably never going to see or hear from her again.

The potatoes suddenly don't taste as good as they did before.

“So what's the plan for tomorrow, Cap'n?” Merle asks, breaking him out of his reverie.

Davenport puts his fork down and wipes his mouth. “I want everyone to wake up bright and early tomorrow, so we can get another combat training session in before we go on another expedition. I'll take Merle again and Lup to check out the west side of the gorge. There's a blocked off passageway down there that I think you can blow up, Lup.” Lup nods before he continues. “Barry, Lucretia, and Taako, I want you to go into town to see if you can get any more information about where the locals might have seen the Light drop down or any other useful information that they might know.”

“And what do you want me to do, Cap'n'port?” Magnus asks enthusiastically.

“I want you to stay and guard the ship,” Davenport says, and Magnus' face falls.

“But what if I want to go exploring too?” Magnus whines.

“I'll keep that in mind for the next round of missions, but we can't leave the ship undefended,” Davenport reasons. “We don't know if the Hunger for sure comes at the end of every year, and we can't afford to be caught off guard if we're wrong.”

“I don't even know how to fly the ship that well,” Magnus grumbles, crossing his arms for emphasis.

“But you are the only one of us besides me who has vehicle proficiency, and I'm sure you can figure out what I haven't already taught you. I'll make sure to find time to teach you how to fly it better though later.”

“Fiiiiinnnne.” Magnus unfolds his arms and pushes his potatoes around his plate moodily.

There's a little bit of chatter after that about inconsequential things, and after everyone's eaten and the dishes have been washed and put away, Barry heads off to his quarters to read before he goes to bed.

About an hour into reading An Incomplete History of the Astronomical Bodies, it begins. Pain shoots through abdomen, and Barry grunts in pain, doubling over and waiting for this wave to pass. Looks like he's going to be stuck in the bathroom for a while. When the pain passes for a moment, he throws the book down and sprints to the bathroom only to find the door shut and locked. He knocks on the door, and Taako's voice says, “In a minute.”

Barry leans against the wall and tries to focus on breathing as he holds his arm across his stomach. “Please hurry.”

After an agonizing few minutes of waiting and praying, he hears the toilet flush and the water run through the sink faucet. Then it shuts off and after a second, Taako opens the door. “Barry, my dude, are you okay?”

“No! Please move!” Taako barely steps out of the way in time for Barry to rush past him and slam the door shut. He makes it to the toilet in time, and he rests his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands as he sits there. Damn his stupid intestines.

After a few minutes, he hears a knock on the door, and Taako's voice comes through it again. “Hey, Barold? Are you still in there?”

Barry looks up and groans. “Yeah, what's up?”

“This isn't the first time this has happened,” Taako points out needlessly, and Barry groans again. “Do you need Merle? And is there something you'd like to tell me and Lup?”

Barry stiffens. “No, I don't need Merle... probably. And what do you mean, Taako?”

“I mean it's been over two years, Barry. I do notice when people happen to get sick the same time that they eat a bunch of milk products.”

Barry sighs. “Okay, yeah, I'm lactose intolerant. You got me.”

“My dude, why didn't you just tell us that? And why did you eat the potatoes if you knew you were going to be sick?” Taako asks.

Barry bites his lip. “I didn't want to inconvenience you guys with my dietary restriction, and your and Lup's cooking is so good! I didn't want to miss out on dinner because I knew Lup made it.”

He can hear Taako snort, and he imagines him shaking his head. “It's not an inconvenience to make sure you don't die or feel like dying. It's easy enough to make food you can safely eat.”

“What's going on?” Lup's voice comes through the door now, and Barry buries his face in his hands again.

“Barold is having issues because he's lactose intolerant and didn't say anything about it,” Taako explains.

Lup sighs. “Barry, I could have made you something that was safe to eat! Do you want me to go get Merle? He might be able to help.”

Barry feels his face heat up. This is exactly what he didn't want to happen. He didn't want to make this an issue, and now there's two people standing out in the cramped hallway talking to him through the bathroom door about this. And they want to bring a third person in on top of which. He looks up enough to keep his hands from muffling his mouth and says, “I don't need Merle, thank you though. I'll be fine. I just need to finish up here, and I should be good in a day or two.”

“We're supposed to do combat training in the morning, and you're supposed to go to town with Taako and Lucretia after that,” Lup says.

“I know, but I can make do,” Barry says.

“Merle might know how to make it less miserable for you though,” Taako points out.

Barry sighs. “If I go talk to Merle after I come out, will you two let me finish using the bathroom in peace?”

“Yeah, we're just trying to look out for you, man,” Taako says, and Lup laughs.

“Next time I'll make sure to make a Barry safe meal for you now that I know I need to avoid dairy.” Lup says warmly, and for some reason, that makes Barry blush more.

“Th-thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem, babe. Just don't die in there.”

He hears the twins walk off down the hall, and he sighs in relief. This was possibly the most awkward way for them to find out. Maybe he should have been more forthright with this information to begin with, so he could have avoided this whole situation.

Surely he will learn his lesson and just tell people important things about his health and well being.

(Spoiler alert: He does not.)

[whitecrownsblackthrones-archived]

**presents a sleeping dragon, neck exposed for Sebastian to even attempt a nibble.**

//Also, in your universe for Vampires, would they follow the old custom of having to be invited inside a building or place of residence? And what of holy artifacts or garlic? Any effects?

Sir/Ma'am, tempting him like this should be illegal. But also knowing Yun, he probably posed himself like that on propose.

As for additional information:

The rule of being invited inside a home is more or less a formality & not anything they actually need to obey. If you are an honorable sort(like Sebastion or even Lucretia), then you will, but young vampires typically will not(like Fiona because as a child, she has no sense of honor). That being said however, they can not enter a church or chapel that is specially dedicated to gods of light(like this world's Lord Yang) & that’s the only real ‘entering’ law they obey.

Holy artifacts typically only work if actually blessed. Just randomly whipping out a cross necklace you wear sometimes, or throwing your wall mounted cross with Jesus on it will not have any effect. It requires at least a minor blessing to work & make them fuck off.

Garlic smells like shit to them, & might make a high strung vampire fuck off, but is most cases, will not stop a starving vampire from coming at you.

Silver is a weakness for vampires as well. Being stuck with silver beings them the most unpleasant burn they'll ever feel in their entire life, & almost works like a branding of sorts, aka the cuts & bruises left behind by any silver weapons will never heal. A silver stake through the heart or head would be an instant kill as well.

[bbrandy2002]

Fool’s Rush In

Chapter 20

Book: TRR

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Warnings: Language and mentions of weird sexual stuff

**Thanks @burnsoslow​. for pre-reading and “The Army” girls for snippet reads.

-------------------

“An email from the Countess?” Ana questioned curiously, just before hitting the video attachment that came with it. Her plush lips soon curved into an enchanted grin when it became apparent who the subjects in the video were and precisely what they were doing together. “Looks like you’re about to get your hard-hitting royal news after all.”

Having finally retrieved his phone, Donnie situated himself upright in the bed and began playing the same email attachment as his lover. By the sounds of the grunts and groans coming from Ana’s phone, it was apparent to the ace-reporter what he was about to watch -- even if the occasional horse neighs were a little confusing. 

Within seconds of hitting play, the man’s jaw dropped wide open as he took in the content. 

“Holy shit, dude, Is that …?”

Ana's intrigued gaze tore from her phone screen and raised a brow at Donnie. “The King’s head guard dressed like a cowboy spanking Lucretia Nevrakis and licking another woman wearing a horse mask in a barn?” She shook her head. “Yes … and did you just call me ‘dude’?”

Ignoring her question, the couple resumed watching for a few more seconds, their facial expressions morphing from one of intrigue to utter disgust when finally Lucretia went full-frontal, nudity before the camera, then spreading wide for Bastien. “Oh, God! The hell?” Donnie grimaced as Ana slapped a hand over her mouth next to him and turned her head away. “I can’t watch this shit.” He lamented, quickly shutting his phone off.

After Ana followed suit and powered her cell off too, the pair sat in uncomfortable silence, simultaneously staring blankly at the same wall across from them, neither knowing what to say or think about what they had just watched together. Eventually, Ana lifted the satin sheet covering her waist up a little higher over her breast, a sense of sleaze and uncleanliness rooting itself and sprouting throughout her body. “I … I don’t know what part was worse: Mystery horsewoman with the guinea pig in Bastien or Lucretia’s wrinkled tramp-stamp with ‘Connie’ written inside what I can only assume is a dick.”

Donnie pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let’s be clear: there was no worse part. It was all worse! What the hell was that, anyway?”

The Trend editor just shook her head slowly with a glazed-over expression in her eyes; she finally spoke, “I … I think I’m going to go now.” 

“Ana! Don’t let this ruin our night.”

Her expression turned remorseful at his pleading; it had been a great night. “I’m sorry, Mr. Brine. I need to be alone.”

Neither one could look at the other. Ana slowly raised from the bed, gathering up her scattered clothes from the floor, tearing her bra from the doorknob, and then slipped on her heels. Why the Countess sent that video to them, she’d never know, but as she and Donnie exchanged a timid wave of goodbye, Ana left knowing she would never forgive Madeleine Amaranth for ruining the best night of sex she ever had.

This had to be some kind of bizarre and insane mistake.

And usually, Donnie Brine would call this “hard-hitting” new’s story into the station and scramble for the nearest camera to report on it. 

This was not something he would ever share with Cordonia, nor would the duo realize what they just watched was not the video the Countess intended to send them.

---------------------------------

A baby. My baby. I’m going to be a father. Those words were all Liam could think about as he rode through the glittery neon boulevards of Las Vegas toward the hospital. At that moment, the clear blue heavens above him could open wide and strike him down with a bolt of thunder, and he’d swear he wouldn’t have felt a thing. The King was riding a wave of euphoria unlike anything he’d ever experienced; Riley loved him and was carrying his baby. Nothing in all the world mattered anymore.

Before taking off, it was clear that Bastien likely escaped during the brother’s brawl in the front yard of Riley’s home and apparently took the keys to the Escalade they arrived in with him. The neighborly Burt, who moments prior had a shotgun aimed at the royal duo, reluctantly agreed to drive into the city to drop them off at the hospital on his way to pick up his daughter on the east side of town. He gruffly mentioned, "my girl never learned not to kick her customers in the frank 'n' beans and steal their shit," but neither of the brothers paid much attention.

Riding in the back of a truck while sitting on a spare tire through sunny downtown Vegas wasn’t the way Liam intended to get there, but he was dead set on finding his Pussycat by any means necessary. And, of course, Leo called shotgun but was nice enough to offer his little brother the opportunity to “ride bitch”.

Liam unequivocally declined.

During the bumpy 25-minute ride to Valley Hospital, Liam wondered how it was possible to get everything he ever wanted in such a brief span of time. Literally, his entire heart's desires were being gifted to him one by one; it was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. All he ever wanted was to find happiness, a chance to love, and have a genuine family of his own -- Not an arrangement that would guarantee him a life of misery at worst or of mediocrity at best. When he stepped foot in Sin City several weeks ago, depressed and hopeless at the prospects of his impending marriage to Madeleine, never did he expect life and fate would throw him a twist in the tale. All it took was a weekend bachelor party, an awkwardly shy woman mistaking him for her Tinder date, and a ton of hard booze shared between them to change the entire trajectory of his life. 

Once the rusted-out truck came to a stop at the emergency entrance, Liam wasted no time climbing over the truck’s wooden rail sides and rushing through the revolving doors. Leo’s heavy footsteps could be heard racing behind him. 

Liam’s heart pounded as the seconds -- which seemed liked hours -- ticked by. Not since he was a young boy waiting on his mother to return from her trip in Auvernal had he been more excited to reunite with someone.

Escorted through the long, winding hallways by hospital security to the radiology department, Liam was led inside a room, where his breath instantly hitched at catching his first glimpse of Riley in two-and-a-half days.

Sitting at the foot of an exam table, dressed in a hospital gown, slender legs bare and swinging freely over the side, Riley’s head snapped up at the sound of the door opening. “Liam,” she whispered, relief dripping from her eyes before sliding off the table.

“Pussycat,” he breathed, unable to contain his emotions as she nearly sprinted the short distance between them and into his waiting arms. “I have missed you terribly, Love.”

Riley held onto him tightly, afraid to let go. “I’m so sorry, Liam. I’m so very sorry,” her strangled voice choked out. “I never should have listened to Madeleine.”

“Shhhh. You have nothing to be sorry about,” Liam assured, his hand threading and kneading through her bountiful hair comfortingly. “I watched the security footage, and I saw the way Madeleine confronted you. The way she grabbed you, the way she -- hurt you.” Liam’s face tightened before he kissed her head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Riley answered meekly, “Because she threatened to release an old video of me being intimate during my first marriage. She told me if I didn’t leave, that video would get out and that it would look bad on you, and the council would likely strip you of your crown.” She squeezed him tighter. “I had to protect you.”

Liam looked down at his wife affectionately, placing both hands on the sides of her face, his thumbs wiping away the tears desperately clinging like morning dew to her eyes. “Sweetheart, look at me. The only thing you ever have to protect when it comes to me is my heart. I have guards -- although not the best -- to protect me physically. I have tradition and a birthright to protect my name and crown and a military to safeguard my country. But you, Riley ... you, have the power to destroy me. You’re the keeper of my heart. The one who makes it beat. Without your love to keep it going … well, let’s just say I  don’t ever want to know what that kind of pain would feel like.” They kissed once more as if it were their first and last one ever. 

Plucking out a blade of grass from his hair, Riley smiled brightly for the first time in days. “I’ll guard it with everything in me, Liam. I swear it.”

“You bet your sweet ass you will,” Liam smirked mischievously, grabbing a handful of her backside, causing her to belt out a laugh. “Besides, you took a drunken vow at the Graceland Wedding Chapel before Leo, Mongo, and Pinquee Kittee to love me tender, love me true; that’s about as sacred and binding of an oath as it gets.”

Riley chuckled. “I did. And we all know how those three are the greatest examples of loving and committed relationships.  Even if Mongo did try to steal you away from me.”

“Which worries me considering he’s apparently our ‘son.’” Liam said it tongue-in-cheek, but it instantly reminded him of the other reason he was in such a rush to get to his queen. The playfulness in his mannerisms tapered off, and he became more serious. Liam leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead before working his way lower to the tip of her nose, her lips, and further to Riley’s chin. Slowly sinking to his knees, sliding his hands down her body until he had a firm grip on her slender hips, Liam rested his own forehead on Riley’s lower tummy.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“What’s that?” Riley asked softly.

Liam placed a lingering kiss onto the thin covering over her flat tummy and glanced up into her gleaming eyes, both filled with ceaseless wonder and rapture. “How you can love someone so much that you’ve never met.”

Riley blinked away a tear, her tiny fingers tracing feather-like trails through his hair. “I know, and yet somehow I’ve been asking myself that question since I met you.”

Liam’s eyes crinkled with a tender smile. “Me too.”

--------------------------------- 

Pacing languidly up and down the hallway outside the room where Liam and Riley were reuniting, Leo let out an exasperated huff before halting his steps to take a quick gander through the long glass window of the door. Leo smiled at watching his brother and sister-in-law embrace and seemed thrilled to be with one another again. And the prospects of -- in his mind -- becoming an uncle “again” was cool and all, but he was bored as hell. Liam was adamant about the former prince staying put and giving him this time needed to speak with Riley in private. Usually, Leo would pay no attention to what Liam asked of him, but maybe, just maybe, it was time for him to get serious and act like the adult he was. Read the room. Respect boundaries. Know when to quit.

Or maybe not.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he headed back in the direction that he and Liam had been led from moments ago, looking for something to kill time.  Strolling leisurely past a set of double doors that displayed “Emergency” in big red letters next to them, a thought suddenly struck, and he took two gliding steps backward. Leo lifted a speculative brow; there was something in the inner machination of his chaotic brain that told him to follow his gut, head inside, and he wouldn’t be sorry. Never one to ignore an instinct or impulse, Leo punched the large metallic button on the wall, causing one of the automatic doors to swing open. 

After stepping inside, he meandered around for a minute, not exactly sure what he was looking for but hoping he might catch a glimpse of a hot nurse walking around without a top on who would want to do naughty things to him. Or perhaps, a naked lady doctor with a nice ass who would manhandle him out of the emergency department, but who he’d eventually win over with his impeccable good looks and god-like sex appeal. He could pretend to be her patient, and if he were lucky, she’d have a bad bedside manner.

Passing a row of draped exam rooms, Leo noticed one curtain pulled open and a young brunette, with part of her thong showing, crouched on the floor, peeking stealthily through the blue drapery that divided the area from the patient on the opposite side.

Curious now to what this woman was so interested in from the next exam room, Leo crossed his arm and stared downward at the floor, lightly whistling a tune, as two doctors walked past him. When they rounded a corner, Leo edged closer to the curtain to listen in.

“Mr. Walker, do you feel any pain when I do this?”

“Ow! What the fuck do you think?” 

At hearing Drake’s irascible voice, Leo’s ears instantly shot up. “No way,” Leo mumbled in astonishment to himself. “Walker is here?” The last he knew, Drake was supposed to have headed back to Cordonia the day before. He leaned in closer.

“You pinched my dick with a pair of damn tweezers. Yeah, you could say there’s a little pain there. Shit!”

Leo clamped a fist over his mouth to keep from busting out. Of all the places his naughty gut had ever led him to, knowing Drake was here and having transplanted dick problems may have been in his top 100 --Nothing would ever beat running with the bulls in Barcelona with Kanye and a very stoned Prince Charles. Leo smiled fondly at the memory before shaking his head and getting back to business.

“We’re just making sure you have feeling in your penis, Mr. Walker.”

“Then touch it with a fucking finger. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you people? You wanna take a jackhammer to my knees next and see if they feel pain too?”

“That won’t be necessary,” Leo overheard the doctor tell Drake. “I expect you’re going to be fine, Mr. Walker. I didn’t see any major discoloration aside from a deep bluish hue to your testicles --” Leo snorted out loudly, causing the doctor to turn his head briefly to the disruption outside the curtain, before clearing his throat and continuing, “A hearty ejaculation or two should clear that right up. When was the last time you --”

“I’ll take care of it,” Drake hastily interrupted in a peevish tone, not wanting the physician to finish the question.

“Very well then. You should be fine. I’ll have the nurse get your discharge papers together, and you can be on your way … And, sir ... try to avoid getting ninja smacked by hookers in the future.”

“I’ll see what I can do …. asshole.” Drake snarled under his breath.

Feeling spunky, an impish grin crossed Leo’s lips as he strolled away undetected from Drake’s doctor leaving his room. “The Drakesters not going anywhere just yet,” he snickered, heading toward a cart with blue scrubs that he passed earlier. “Paging Dr.Wolfshitz to trauma room one. Stat.”

--------------------

Still peeking inconspicuously into the next exam room, Alyssa’s gaze followed Drake’s doctor and a nurse as they exited to work on his discharge. She remained motionless and quiet, barely breathing, fearful she’d get caught. Why she hadn’t looked away yet was beyond her. What was only supposed to be a little looksie at the man, to quench her gnawing intrigue over what was below his belt, had now left her drawn to him.

And while Alyssa saw for herself that everything was normal down there, -- humungous, actually -- it was the sadness and hurt in his deep chocolate eyes that kept the perky, petite woman in spy mode. 

“You can stop hiding behind that curtain, Riley’s friend,” Drake grumbled.

“Eep!” Alyssa yelped at being caught and took a quick step back, nearly toppling clumsily over her feet. He couldn’t have been talking about her. He wasn’t even looking in her direction when he said it. She had been so careful to remain hidden. But who the hell else could he be talking to? Alyssa held her breath, hoping another one of Riley’s friends was hidden on the other side.

“I saw your little beady eyes watching me. Might as well come out from behind that curtain and laugh in my face … you wouldn’t be the first one.”

There were no doubts he was talking about her now. Frozen in panic and unable to move, Alyssa’s cheeks burned, and her heart raced at getting called out. She wondered why she couldn’t have just left well enough alone. If curiosity killed the cat, Alyssa just spent all nine of her lives.

“That’s how it's gonna be, huh?” Drake called out to her again in a snarky tone, yet Alyssa didn’t dare move. “That’s fine. I know I’m just a big joke to everyone now.” He lowered his voice just slightly in self-pity. “Maybe in some ways, I always have been.”

That stung. Alyssa couldn’t discern whether he was actually upset with her about snooping on him -- he probably was -- or as the nagging feeling in her gut was telling her: he just needed a friend. Taking in a deep breath, she skittishly slipped the curtain aside, avoiding eye contact and forcing only a diffident smile. “I’m … I’m sorry.”

He smiled back. “I’m not. I’m Drake.”

---------

With Riley discovering she was pregnant, the E.R. attending opted to forego continuing with the ordered x-rays, believing she had nothing more than a bruised tailbone from her fall, anyway. With the pain she experienced since the encounter with Madeleine, the doctor wanted her to have an ultrasound to ensure everything was fine with the baby and date the pregnancy.

Riley laid back on the exam table, feet planted and legs separated. A technician gingerly moved around an ultrasound probe under the sheet draped from her waist to her bent up knees. Riley and Liam vigilantly watched the screen, anxiously waiting for the black-and-white image to produce the first glimpse of their baby.

Flashing a timid smile, Riley glanced up at Liam, who was hovering over her with his eyes transfixed on the screen. Noticing her unsure look, he leaned down and whispered, “Everything okay, love?”

She shook her head almost imperceptibly and answered meagerly with all seriousness, “What if … what if our baby has a beard, Liam?”

The bewildered king puckered his forehead, unsure what to say. “Wh--why would the baby have a beard, pussycat?” He squeezed her hand reassuringly before she yanked it away and covered her eyes in embarrassment.

She sucked in an unsteady breath, impervious to the prodding continuing below. “Because my Aunt Clem’s firstborn came out with a tiny goatee like that munchkin from the Lollipop Guild,” she began to whimper in increasing frustration, plucking at the tip of her chin.

Liam’s eyes widened as he blew out a huff of air. “Then … I suppose … we’ll stick him in a carnival or something.” He chuckled despite himself. “Or get him one of those top hats and a cane.”

“It was a girrrrrrl,” Riley cried out, covering her face again. “My dad’s family is from Kentucky … there’s gotta be inbreeding somewhere in the past. Our baby will come out looking like a mini Chewbacca, and it’s all my fault. Oh god! What have I done to our child?” She sniffled through her rant, “If you want a divorce, I’ll understand.”

Normally able to keep a stoic demeanor in any kind of situation, Liam just couldn’t do it in this instance. He turned his face away to prevent his wife from seeing the giant smirk on his face and to take a moment to regain his composure from wanting to bust out at her theatrics. He didn’t know what the hell he married into or why this woman he loved so much all of a sudden had forgotten she was adopted. 

It would be an interesting nine months.

Riley frowned with a simper, “You can’t even look at me. I’ll have to raise this little hairball all by myself. They’ll have us in the ‘weird things’ section of the National Enquirer next to Drake.”

She was correct: he couldn’t look at her -- she was being completely ridiculous. Liam’s shoulders bounced against his stifled laughter. “Dear God, Riley. You’ve got to stop.”

“You’re laughing at me.”

Unaware of the pair of eyes at the foot of the exam table, glaring between the couple in absolute confusion, the technician performing the scan cleared her throat to break the tension. “I hate to interrupt … this.” She nodded between the two.”But, here’s your baby.” She tapped her fingertip on the screen to a small oblong shape on the monitor with a tiny white form in the center. Riley lowered her hands from her teary face and whipped her head around at the same time Liam did, both wholly captivated. “It’s too early to tell if there is a … goatee. But this little flicker right here --” She pointed out. “-- Is where the heart is beating.”

Feeling his wife’s hand grip his tighter, Liam stood motionless for a moment as he watched the tech pause the screen to get measurements before sucking in his lips and dropping his head onto Riley’s shoulder. “Did you see the heart beating, my love? That’s our baby. Our perfect baby.”

Blinking back a tear of joy, Riley turned her head toward her shoulder to meet Liam’s adoring eyes. “Thank you for not covering your lizard.”

-----------------------------

Blushing from head to toe in guilt and embarrassment, Alyssa took a step inside of Drake’s room, letting the curtain fall back behind her. Twirling a section of hair around her finger, she continued to apologize, feeling it was the right thing to do. “Again, I’m really sorry, Mr. Walker --”

“I told you my name is Drake. Mr. Walker was my father’s name. Please, just call me Drake,” he insisted in a softer tone that took the awkward-feeling Alyssa by surprise.

“Drake,” she repeated as she picked at the cuticle of her thumbnail, “I shouldn’t have been watching you, and I know I invaded your privacy. I swear, in spite of what this looks like, I’m not some creeper. I just thought … “ Alyssa looked away bashfully, twisting on her feet. “you’re really handsome.” It was true, even if she knew damn well that’s not why she peeked in at him.

Drake cocked a brow, calling her bluff. “Really?” he replied skeptically. ”That’s the only thing you were looking at?”

Dabbing at her increasingly perspiring forehead and feeling the blood drain into her feet, Alyssa declared, “I think I’m going to pass out now.”

Sensing she was serious, Drake quickly tapped the rolling chair next to his bed and insisted she sit down. Walking on wobbly legs, Alyssa finally plopped down on the chair and fanned her ashen face with one hand. Drake quickly twisted the cap off an unopened bottle of cold water one of the nurses had given him and offered it to Alyssa. She gratefully took it and guzzled a giant swig from the plastic container. Soon her breathing normalized, and the color in her face started to pinken again.

Drake stared at her in concern. “Do you want me to yell for the doctor?”

Alyssa shook her head insistently. “No. I’m better now. I just got a little anxious, is all, but I deserved it. I shouldn’t have looked at you.” She paused for a moment before offering a genuine smile. “By the way: I don’t think you’re a joke, and I would never laugh at you. I really do think you’re handsome.”

He could tell what she was saying to him was true, and for the first time in weeks, it felt nice to have someone to talk to who didn’t want to discuss a certain medical procedure he’d recently undergone. “I appreciate that … Alyssa, right?” She nodded her head. “You have beautiful eyes --”

“I hate to interrupt this party, -- ay,” A doctor in blue scrubs, a surgical cap, mask, and a horrible Canadian accent came strolling in gleefully, almost out of nowhere. “It’s time for your surgery, Mr. Walkersan -- ay.”

Drake shot straight up in his bed, glaring at the man. “What?” he screeched. “I’m getting discharged. That other doctor said I was fine.”

“Oh no, no, no -- ay. Doctor … Pepper … Stein, sent me down here to wheel you at once into surgery. Your test results showed a lot of icky stuff that needs to be taken care of at once lest you lose your manhood again. Ay.”

Narrowing his eyes, Drake shot back. “What bad stuff?”

“Uh, let me see here -- ay,” Leo began flipping through a makeshift chart he was holding in his hands and pretending to scan over a particular page. “Oy me. There seems to be … algae overgrowth in the upper ... sphincter of the … Dua Lipa -- ay. And thees muy crabs have set up a colony on the Los ballsackos.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Drake asked incredulously while Alyssa patted his arm comfortingly. “What the hell is a Los ballsackos?”

“Es los ballsackos is los ballsackos.” Leo hastily scolded as he eyed Drake sternly. “We shan't have no time to waste. Das ist Viener schloggin … we remove the viewer and then the scloggin or there be little la cucarachas crawling everywhere -- la vie en rose, amigo.”

“No one’s removing my viener, or my scloggin!” Drake protested.

“Excuse me,” Alyssa rose to her feet, knowing there was something off with this sketchy acting doctor. “I speak fluent Spanish and French, and I can tell you, almost none of that made sense. Not to mention the fact that I believe part of that was German and ancient English. ¿De dónde sacaste tu título, doctor?”

Leo’s bright blue eyes dulled with uncertainty as Alyssa crossed her arms, awaiting a response. Scrambling for an answer and wishing he’d paid more attention during his language lessons, he ultimately replied with a shirk, “Eh … Despacito?”

“Despacito?” Alyssa challenged before glancing over at Drake, who was still glaring a hole into the perceived physician, then returning her gaze back to a cow-eyed Leo. “Who are you, really?”

"Who am I really?" Leo replied with a smug grin as he lowered the surgical mask that was hiding his face. "I'm Dr. Wolfschitz, baby."

[holdmecloser-gandydancer]

Ugh, okay, so there's so many questions from the meta writers question thing that I want to ask, so you don't have to answer all of them lol but 1, 3, 4, 20, and/or 25?

I will say though, I'm very very interested in that band AU that I think you keep referencing working on, tbh idk what the acronym means, but I'm very excited about it 👀

writing asks!

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

I have a few so let me just chat about them all! one is, ofc, something bigger than the sky that I'm working on with Hali (@phantasmagoric-acquaintance)

it's a collaborative work between the two of us that is the content of balance from her perspective in the umbra staff! it's progressing well, we're nearly done and i can't believe it! i just love getting to work with my best friend on something tbh :3

the next one is RHAPAW, my beloved band au. (it stands for rode hard and put away wet and i promise there's a reason for that lsdkfjsdlf). Progress is pretty good! I've got about 5k words of it right now, I know some of the most major plot points, and I have a pretty clear idea of how it's going to end!! Honestly i love Barry in this more than life itself (but I do just love the idea of Lup, Kravitz, and Johann all in a band together too so don't make me choose <3)

(also extra bonus, I am working on extending about three prompt fills I did a while ago so keep an eye out for those)

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

OKAY I GOT IT i have been thinking about this for like. months. Basically i do have this au idea wherein Taako dies in Wonderland. A version of Arms Outstretched still happens but basically Taako is dead and in the Astral Plane, Magnus is in the mannequin body still, and Merle is still Merle. Barry is there as the red robe, of course. Edward still gets eaten by staff and Merle goes to grab it and tries to cast something and it just Doesn't work. And at this point, Merle is just over it. like "You magic piece of shit, you couldn't save my friend, you won't let me cast, what the hell is the use?" and he just SNAPS it. and it's like a bomb goes off. And Merle's head feels like it's going to explode because there's another red robe? but he can't hear it or see its face and the original red robe is...crying? And Magnus is trying to hug it? and he keeps saying "Merle, holy shit it's [redacted] how could Lucretia just [redacted] like that?"

and it obviously continues but that is the barest bones shit of it.

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

this is so hard because i feel like my content is better than the actual writing itself!! but i guess if i have to pick one i do love the ridiculously unhinged monologue Taako goes on in like, chapter two of flours? (part of it below)

And then your wonderful twin sister might annoyingly keep changing her mind on what flowers she wants on her cake. Mind you, your twin sister might also specifically request that the flowers on the cake be fresh, not made of pulled sugar or gum paste or fondant or frosting, no they just have to be fresh because gods forbid I ever get to do sugar work. And not that there’s anything wrong with fresh flowers, mind you, but it might happen to be something that is just out of your comfort zone. And while you would normally go to Fantasy Costco, you can’t anymore because they hired a really weird cashier who keeps offering to make you deals even though it’s fucking Fantasy Costco and the prices are literally marked so you have to begin to wonder to yourself if that cashier even actually works there.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

i just really like exploring friendships between characters that either just Wouldn't/Didn't/Couldn't happen in the show (AM Radio, Flours, and like, a million prompt fills have been examples of this)

also. I know I referenced this in the tags BUT both vampire twins pieces and the werewolf magnus piece all take place in the same universe (the magnus piece takes place a year or two prior to the vampire twins pieces)

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

okay i already answered this one BUT another really fun part is just finding inspiration in the weirdest of places. like actually now that i think about it, like five of my fics/wips have been inspired by me innocuously listening to music lskdfjsld

[fandomsnstuff]

Angus figures everything out and fucks up Lucretia’s whole Thing AU

Lucretia hires angus, innoculates him, and is like this is the deal with those missing people cases you were investigating

Angus says oh okay! This totally and completely satiases my curiosity :)

Internally angus says this is sus as hell

So he does what he does best, he snoops

So angus is snooping and somehow, cause he's a little crime boy who can sneak around real good, he finds the starblaster

He's like what the fuck is this

He gets in, and it's.....odd. he doesnt linger in any one room too long, he just kind of pokes his head into the bedrooms and moves on (he figures he shouldnt stay here too long, lest he get caught)

But the most peculiar thing is how lived in this place looks. There's mismatched furniture with throw pillows and blankets in the common area, a chore chart on the fridge, the bedrooms are all cluttered with knick knacks and clothes, beds unmade, theres a lab with papers scattered around tables and taped to the wall

But one room catches his attention

It's... fairly simple, and emptier than the others. Bookshelf with some books missing, a bare desk, but what catches his attention is the pile of red on the bed

He goes to investigate and finds robes and jackets, all with an odd patch and names embroidered on them

He finds, in this order:

A robe with "lucretia" embroidered on it

A jacket and robe, together as if someone had been wearing them at the same time, with "lup" and "taako"

A jacket with "davenport"

A robe with "merle"

A jacket with "magnus"

(there’s no barry robe cause he fell off the ship with it, these are the robes/jackets lucretia took off of the crew members as she sent them off to their new lives)

Now. This is after crystal kingdom and angus was at the candlenights party. He knows the director's name is lucretia

He knows who Davenport is

He knows who taako, magnus, and merle are

This is pre-LUP incident, so he doesnt know who lup is

Angus, appropriately freaked out, puts them all back and BOLTS

Angus vacates the premises

Runs back to his room

He tries to figure out what this all means, but his thoughts dodge around the obvious conclusion that's right in front of him

Hes too nervous to go back, it's not until the L U P incident that he decides okay. I have to go back

So he goes back. He goes into the room labeled Captain's Quarters (although "captain" has been scratched out and changed to "cap'nport". Angus doesnt think too hard about what that means)

In the desk he finds some folders with the same weird logo as the robes and jackets. He doesnt look in them. Not yet. He can do that back in his room. He cant spend too much time here.

Then he goes to the lab. He doesnt know what hes looking for, but he grabs ones that seem important. A notebook or two. Some papers clipped together. He just grabs and shoves them into his bag and he fuckin bolts again

he looks at what he grabbed and some of it he can read, some of it he can't

They lived in that ship. They were going on a mission for something. They made the grand relics to stop something. Theres a lot of notes on the planes.

Angus recognizes the way some stuff is redacted, and he kind of figures out that there must be another voidfish. And if the directors name was on one of those robes, maybe she has it.

Refuge mission comes and goes

Angus, cause he's so fucking good, is able to sneak back into lucretias personal quarters and finds junior. He fills a water bottle with the ichor and gets the fuck outta there

He gets back to his room, innoculates himself and is like AAAAAAAAAA

Cause he can finally put it all together properly

And he basically pieces together the whole hunger situation himself with the notes he grabbed

The stuff he grabbed from davenports room was the crew's like profiles or whatever from when they got hired on to the mission so angus now knows who lup is

So angus is like oh i GOTTA fix this

So he heads down to the reclaimers dorm with his bottle of ichor

Angus: i need you to drink this Merle: what is it? Angus: voidfish ichor Taako: *laughs* hate to break it to you kid, we already drank the voidfish juice. Angus: just- please? Magnus: yeah alright

So magnus drinks it. His breath catches and he kinda goes weak and he's shaking and he drops to his knees. After a minute or two (or more) he looks up at angus. "Holy shit," he says. He grabs the bottle from where he dropped it and holds it out to taako and merle. "Drink it." He says.

"Yeah alright," merle says. Same deal as with magnus.

Once merle collects himself, they both turn to taako.

"Yeah, alright. Sure. Let's get taako in on this weird party," he says, taking the bottle and drinking

This time, magnus is ready and he catches taako when his knees give out

"Im gonna fucking kill her," taako mumbles into magnus' shoulder, his knuckles white as he grips his shirt.

"You're not gonna kill her."

"Im gonna fucking hit her so HARD, i swear to god."

Taako keeps his face in magnus' shoulder, but magnus and merle watch as angus crosses the room to where taako had left the umbrastaff, and he walks back over to magnus and taako on the floor

"Sir?" Taako looks up at angus. Angus holds the umbrella out, "i think i know where your sister is."

(Lup, meanwhile, in the staff: HEEEEELLLLL YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH)

It takes taako a second, but he realizes what angus is saying and scrambles out of magnus' hold and to his feet. He takes the umbrella and lifts it, about to snap it when angus says, "wait!"

Taako glares at him. "Ive waited ten years, kid. Make it snappy." "Madame director had a holy symbol in her office. I think it would ward against your sister, if shes a lich." "Uuugggggghhhhhhhhh LUCRETIAAAAAA"

The four of them go down planetside under the guise of a magic lesson and not wanting to burn any more "cryptic messages" into the walls

Taako snaps that fuckin umbrella as soon as his feet hit solid ground

Lup's back!

Lup does some magic shit to summon barry, so barold shows up, happy reunion, and then a Discussion on what to do re: davenport not being innoculated and re: lucretia

Their plan boils down to this: thb and angus will go back to the moon and act as if this never happened. As far as lucretia knows, thb are still under junior's influence

As soon as they can get davenport alone without rousing any suspicion, they bring him to their room and innoculate him. Once he's got his memories back, he'll be powerful enough to a) get his bracer off/disable the tracking spell in it and b) get off the base undetected

Davenport will definitely not want to go back to playing butler, so he'll sneak off the base and hang out with lup and barry until lucretia sends the boys to wonderland

When the boys get sent to wonderland, theyll meet up, get the bell all together, and THEN confront lucretia, cause at that point theyll have the whole light, and they'll have Options

So they do just that. They go back and innoculate davenport a few days later, a week at most

A panic ensues once everyone realizes davenport is missing

AND the tracking in his bracer is turning up nothing

Lucretia's blood pressure has never been higher

But everything goes as business per usual

Lucretia, oddly enough, suspects nothing re: the boys ‘cause surely they wouldve confronted her if they remembered

The boys get sent down to wonderland. They meet up with blupjeans and dav at the entrance. With the six of them with all their memories and full access to their skills they take edward and lydia down in like 30 minutes. Tops.

So edward and lydia get their asses thoroughly handed to them by the six of them

(Davenport has the time of his LIFE)

They head back to the lich cave, barry gets in his new body and gets innoculated (the boys brought some ichor with them for him)

Lup possesses barry, then barry-with-lup and dav get in the pocket spa and back up to the moon they go

Lucretia is in her office when avi comes knocking "Uh... director? The boys are coming back." "Already?" "Yeah." "Are you sure it's them?" "Yep."

Lucretia is.... stunned. It's been... an hour and a half. Two, maybe. She has full faith in the boys but they took down wonderland in two hours?????

Not even two hours

She goes to meet them, highly suspicious

But they arrive and, sure enough, it's them. No magic. No tricks. It's them, for sure.

taako has the bell and hes just holding it casually from the top as if it isnt one of the most powerful magic items in existence. And she can tell he isnt thralled, that's just how hes decided to transport it.

Lucretia: ive got to admit, you boys took care of that...much faster than i expected Magnus: ah, it was no big Merle: piece of cake! Taako: yeah, luce, shit was easy. Dunno what you were talkin' about earlier.

And lucretia just freezes. Luce. Thats what taako called her. It’s what they all called her, really, but it’s the nickname Taako took 4 whole cycles to give to her, officially cracking the door of friendship open to her. And she looks him in the eyes and she knows that he knows. And she looks at merle and magnus and she can tell they know, too.

And taako gives her a venomous smile, all teeth, and says, "why dont we go have a little chat, madame director" and she flinches at the way he spits out her title

She doesnt know what to do but nod and turn to leave. As she turns, there's angus, looking up at her with a determined set to his brow, and she knows he knows too

They head back to her office, and taako pulls the pocket spa out, and before lucretia can ask him what hes doing, out walks barry and davenport. And barrys eyes have got that red glow about them, so she knows lup's here too.

"Take down the lich ward, lucretia," barry says.

She does, and now there's a firey, red robed lich among them.

Now this is where things get a little iffy for how they work out but here's what i got

They have a similar confrontation as canon where theyre bickering about staying or going, shield or no shield, and im thinking this is where taako has his "there's a third option" realization

And, because they did extreme wonderland speedrun, and they didnt take a whole extra day to travel to the lich cave and just used fuckin magic to get there, theyre a whole day ahead of where they were in canon

The hunger is close enough at this point tho that they can enact the plan like. Now.

But magnus insists on returning Fisher's baby to them first

As magnus takes junior, lucretia works on getting the base secured and getting the bureau members ready for if the hunger touches down before they can cut it off

Magnus goes down to fisher with the baby, he takes his axe and swings, breaking the tank open

Johann, still alive and now soaking wet, is like dude wtf

Magnus returns the baby and out goes the story and song

Now johann is REALLY like DUDE WTF

Magnus is like im off to save the universe. Peace.

So since theyre a whole day ahead of the hunger, all seven of them go up in the ship

And then they fight and they win and they cut the hunger off and it's rad

The end

[epersonae]

1, 23, 19, 39 for the writing ask meme

Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

Probably the second one I ever posted, when I first started writing fic for The Adventure Zone. (It's my initial Magnus/Lucretia Stolen Century fic.) I hadn't written in years, and it was a kind of thing I'd never written before, and also I had NO idea it would end up being the start of a multi-year obsession that I'd pour hundreds of thousands of words into. If I were going to clean up and rework all the various sprawling things I've written for that, that's the one I'd just scrap and do over.

Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard?

I used to be terrible with dialogue and go wild for description, but fic got me into dialogue, probably because I had something specific I was aiming for.

I feel like I've finally hit a balance that I'm happy with, actually. Dialogue is fun because I get to hear the voices; dialogue is hard because holy shit getting the cadence and word choice just right is HARD. Description is fun because it's just playing with words, but it's hard mostly because of figuring out how to describe movements and expressions. (Also sometimes I forget that sense details even exist)

Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

Joe chimes, “Ok, but the bird though.”

Both of them look at him. Greg says, “What about it?”

“Is it a pet?” Joe asks.

Greg replies, “it’s a bird, and it’s with a guy. That makes it a pet.”

“Pet kind of implies a different sort of relationship, yeah? Never heard of a seagull as a pet. Pet’s like a dog or a cat or something.”

Will says, “Some guys have parrots.”

“Knew a dude had a monkey, once,” Greg says.

“God that sounds like a fucking nightmare,” Joe replies.

“Weren’t great,” Greg replies. 

“If it were a pet, he’d be like, I dunno, feeding it?” Joe says, squinting across the ship at Buttons, whose eyes are focused on something way off in the distance. “Kinda comes and goes on its own, seems like.” 

Wildest AU scenario you have written?

Honestly, probably this little horrifying thing that @anonymousalchemist, @ruffboijuliaburnsides, and I cowrote - if that's even the right description, more like a sequence of the worst possible one-ups-manship ever seen. It's a Worst Ending AU for The Adventure Zone Balance; I am not usually a Worst Ending person, because I am a tender baby, but I read what Iz and Mags wrote, and an even worse idea just grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and wouldn't let go.

(in retrospect, I was Having a Fucking Time, and wow I did just write the anhedonia experience there, huh?)

[barry-j-blupjeans]

19 or 26 with barry and the birds? sorry for sending so many

26. hahaha no worries, it's not my blood

((no longer accepting but you can find these prompts here!))

--

Barry was in a strangely good mood as he staggered back into the Starblaster. It had been... what? Three months? Three and a half? It had been a while out there. Being kidnapped halfway through a mission was definitely not the way he wanted to spend this cycle but it wasn't awful. Like, Barry's been kidnapped before, but at least these people had the decency to give him water every once and a while. Overall, not a bad stay. Six-point-five out of ten stars.

Actually, maybe seven stars, because he had the Light and he was only moderately wounded. If you didn't count the emotional stuff.

But he was in a good mood nonetheless.

There were low voices talking from the kitchen area and he caught a draft of a very nice smell. Barry's stomach rumbled. He'd been eating the bare minimum for the past few months, so he was real excited to finally get some proper food in him.

"Uh, hey," Barry said, stepping into the kitchen. They were eating dinner, hell yeah. Even more of a hell yeah with the fact that they were all still alive. They stared at him. Magnus dropped his fork. "I, uh, I got the Light?"

"Oh my god," Davenport said.

"Yeah, I know it's-"

"Holy shit!" Lup said, flinging herself out of her chair. Barry stumbled slightly at the force that she threw herself at him. He laughed, only feeling slightly bruised as Lup hugged him. She pulled back, cupping his face in her hands. She looked tearful. "Barry, babe, how- I thought you died!"

"Sorry to disappoint," Barry said and she squeezed his face a little harder, shaking her head. Before she could respond, Magnus came and swooped them both up into a hug. Barry laughed again. And then there was Taako on the right, and Lucretia, and Merle, and Davenport, holy shit, he had missed everyone so much.

"Put 'em down!" Merle said. "You're not the only one who missed him, Mags!"

"Sorry," Magnus said, not sounding sorry at all. Very gently, he placed Barry back on the floor. Merle gave him a half-hug around the waist.

"Do you need like..." Lucretia grimaced, looking him up and down. "Medical attention, or like, uh. Clean clothes?"

Barry looked down at his shirt. It was extremely bloody. He had forgotten about that.

"Oh, don't worry," he said. "It's not my blood."

"I mean, that's- that's good," Lucretia laughed. "But you are kinda, uhm..."

"Gross," Taako offered. He gingerly patted Barry's shoulder and then wiped his hand off on Lup's jacket. "And sweaty."

"Very sweaty," Lup agreed.

"That's- that's fair," Barry said, not really caring at all, because he was back and Lup was here and he was alive and- "I should shower." His stomach rumbled again. "And eat probably."

"Go shower," Davenport said. "Please. We'll save you some."

"Right," Barry said. He held up the Light. "Someone should... do something with this."

"I'll put it in the lab," Lup said, taking it from him. With her free hand, she pulled him into another hug. Barry rested his face against her shoulder. "Be quick, okay? I don't want your food to get cold."

"I'll be as quick as I can," Barry said. Lup pulled back and he caught her hand, squeezing. "Missed you."

"Gross," Taako butted in again.

"Missed you too," Lup said.

[illyth]

That feeling when you realize the music playing when they charge the Hunger to give Lucretia enough time to cast her spell is a reprise of “Lucretia,” the theme that plays after she saves all of them from the world of the Judges, which is also a reprise of “Madam Director” which plays way fucking back when at the beginning of The Crystal Kingdom.