#even though wednesday NEVER runs away from anything

[fiannans]

Yearning (noun): a strong feeling of wishing for something, especially something that you cannot have or get easily.

[baelabong]

ʜɪᴅᴅᴇɴ

(ᴋᴀʀɪɴᴀ x ꜰᴇᴍ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

rq: yes

Pairing: Knight! G!P! Karina x princess! fem reader

Note/warnings: multiple s*x scenes, swearing, this is all fiction gang, riding Next

“Y/N,” he begins, his tone one of authority. “Next week Wednesday is an important night, not just for our kingdom, but for you personally.”

You nod, trying to keep your expression composed. “Yes, Father.”

He walks over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. His grip is firm, a reminder of the expectations that have always been placed on you. “Mark’s family is powerful, their influence extends across many lands. A strong alliance with them would benefit our kingdom greatly. It’s time you start thinking about your future… about marriage.”

The words hit you like a blow to the chest, but you force yourself to remain calm, nodding in agreement. “I understand, Father.”

He studies you for a moment, his gaze softening slightly. “I know this isn’t easy for you, Y/N. But as a princess, your duty to the kingdom must come first. Tonight, you must show Mark’s family that you’re ready to take on that responsibility.”

You swallow hard, your throat tightening as you suppress the emotions threatening to break free. “I will do my best, Father.”

He gives you a small, approving nod before turning back to the window. “Good. Now, go prepare yourself for the ball. Remember, the future of our kingdom rests on your shoulders.”

With a final bow, you leave his chambers, your composure intact until you’re out of sight. The moment you reach your own room, however, the dam breaks. You collapse onto your bed, tears streaming down your face as the weight of your father’s words crashes over you.

It’s not just the thought of marriage that tears at your heart—it’s the knowledge that you could never be with the one person you truly love. The unfairness of it all feels suffocating, as though you’re trapped in a cage with no escape.

The door to your chambers opens quietly, and you look up to see Karina standing there. Her expression shifts from concern to heartbreak when she sees you crying. She rushes to your side, kneeling beside you as she gently takes your hands in hers.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” she asks softly, her voice filled with worry. “What happened?”

You can barely speak through your sobs, but the words tumble out in a broken whisper. “It’s so unfair, Karina. My father… he wants me to marry Mark. He says it’s my duty to the kingdom, but… but what about us? Why can’t we be together?”

Karina’s jaw clenches, and you can see the anger flicker in her eyes. She pulls you into her arms, holding you tightly as if she can shield you from the pain of reality. “You’ll always have me, Y/N. I’ll be by your side, no matter what. And if it comes to it, I’ll run away with you. We can leave this place, start a new life where no one can tell us what we can or cannot be.”

You pull back slightly, looking into her eyes, searching for any hint of hesitation. “You would do that for me?” you ask, your voice trembling.

Her eyes blaze with fierce determination as she cups your face in her hands. “I would do anything for you. I’d even get rid of anyone who stands in our way… even your father if it meant keeping you safe and happy.”

Your breath catches in your throat at her words, a surge of emotion overwhelming you. The world around you falls away, and all that matters is Karina—her love, her devotion, the way she makes you feel safe and cherished. Without thinking, you crash your lips against hers, the kiss filled with desperation and raw need.

Karina responds immediately, her arms wrapping around you as she deepens the kiss. You can feel the intensity in the way she holds you, as if she never wants to let go. Her hands begin to roam, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between your bodies.

You break the kiss, panting as you look at her with a mix of longing and urgency. “Karina… I need you. Please…”

She doesn’t need to be told twice. In a blur of motion, she lifts you into her arms, carrying you over to the bed. She lays you down gently, her eyes dark with desire as she hovers over you. The sight of her above you, her hair falling like a curtain around your face, sends a shiver of anticipation through you.

“Are you sure?” she asks, her voice husky, though you can see the tenderness in her eyes.

You nod, your hands trembling as they reach for her. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

With that, she kisses you again, her lips moving down your neck as her hands begin to undo the delicate ties of your gown. The fabric slips away, exposing your skin to the cool air and Karina’s burning touch. Her fingers trace over your curves, leaving a trail of fire in their wake as she explores every inch of you.

Your breaths become ragged as her hands move lower, teasing and caressing, until you’re a trembling mess beneath her. The composed princess, who stood so poised before her father, is gone. All that remains is a woman lost in the throes of passion, unable to hold back the moans and gasps that escape her lips.

“Karina… please…” you plead, your voice barely a whisper as you arch into her touch.

She doesn’t make you wait any longer. Her hand slips between your thighs, and you cry out at the sensation, your body reacting instantly to her touch. She watches you, her eyes filled with a mix of love and desire, as she brings you to the edge of ecstasy.

You can barely think, your mind clouded with pleasure as she continues to work her magic. Words fall from your lips, broken and breathless as you cling to her, your nails digging into her shoulders. “Karina… I… I’m…”

“Let go,” she murmurs against your skin, her voice soothing as she pushes you over the edge. “I’ve got you, Y/N. I’ll always have you.”

With a final cry, you shatter, your body trembling as waves of pleasure crash over you. Karina holds you through it, her touch never wavering as she guides you back down, her lips pressing gentle kisses to your flushed skin.

When it’s over, you collapse against her, your heart racing as you try to catch your breath. Karina pulls you close, her arms wrapping around you protectively as she whispers soothing words in your ear.

“You’re mine,” she whispers, her voice full of conviction. “And I’ll never let anyone take you from me.”

You smile weakly, feeling safe and cherished in her embrace. “And I’m yours,” you murmur, your voice filled with emotion. “Always”

——

The sun is beginning to set, casting a warm glow through the tall windows of your chambers. You stand before a large mirror, admiring the way your gown shimmers like stardust. The intricate embroidery catches the light, making you look like a vision of royalty. You smile softly at your reflection, but the flutter in your stomach isn’t just from the anticipation of the grand ball—it’s from the woman standing just behind you, her presence as electrifying as ever.

Karina, your ever-loyal knight, is supposed to be helping you get ready, but her touch lingers far longer than necessary, her hands wandering over the soft fabric of your dress and the bare skin of your shoulders. Her fingers trace delicate patterns on your back, her breath warm against your neck as she leans in close.

“You look stunning,” she murmurs, her voice thick with desire. “But you know, I could just as easily take this gown off you as I put it on.”

You feel a shiver run down your spine at her words, and you bite your lip, trying to maintain your composure. “Karina,” you whisper, your voice trembling with both excitement and a hint of warning. “We don’t have time for this… the ball—”

“Let them wait,” she interrupts, her hands sliding around your waist, pulling you back against her. “You know how much I hate sharing you with them.”

You laugh softly, though it quickly turns into a quiet gasp as she presses a kiss to the nape of your neck, her lips lingering there. “Karina, please,” you try to protest, but your resolve is already weakening under her touch.

She turns you around to face her, her eyes dark with longing as they meet yours. “Do you know how hard it is to keep my hands off you?” she asks, her voice low and husky. “To watch you parade around in front of all those nobles, pretending you belong to the kingdom when you’re mine?”

The possessiveness in her tone sends a thrill through you, and you can’t help the way your body responds to her, leaning into her touch. “I belong to you,” you whisper, your hands coming up to rest on her chest. “But we must be careful. If anyone finds out…”

She silences you with a deep, searing kiss, her hands sliding up to cup your face. The kiss is filled with a mix of frustration and need, her lips demanding as they move against yours. You melt into her, the worries about the ball and the court slipping away, replaced by the sheer intensity of her kiss.

When she finally pulls back, you’re both breathless, her forehead resting against yours. “I’ll never let anyone take you from me,” she vows, her voice rough with emotion. “You’re mine, Y/N. Only mine.”

Your heart swells at her words, and you nod, your hands tightening on her arms. “And I’m yours,” you reply, your voice soft but firm. “Now and always.”

She kisses you again, more gently this time, before reluctantly pulling away. “We should go,” she says, though the reluctance is clear in her voice. “Before I decide to keep you all to myself.”

You laugh softly, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “You always know how to make me want to stay,” you tease, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before stepping back.

Karina watches as you turn back to the mirror, her eyes never leaving you as you finish preparing. She helps you with the final touches, her fingers brushing against yours as she adjusts your necklace, her gaze filled with both love and longing.

“Are you ready, my princess?” she asks, her voice a soft whisper in your ear.

You nod, turning to face her once more. “As long as you’re by my side.”

She smiles, a rare, tender smile that makes your heart skip a beat.

——

The grand ballroom buzzes with life, the music resonating through the space as the elite of the kingdom whirl about in their finest attire. You, Princess Y/N, are the center of attention, as always. Tonight, you're dressed in a gown that shimmers like stardust, catching the light with every graceful movement you make. You smile and nod politely at the courtiers and nobles who bow as you pass, though your heart is elsewhere—focused on the one person who truly matters to you.

From across the room, you feel Karina's eyes on you. Your knight, ever vigilant, stands close to the shadows, her gaze never straying far from you. She’s always been your protector, your confidante, and now, your secret love. The bond you share is a hidden treasure, known only to the two of you, kept safe from the prying eyes of the court.

As you continue to circulate through the room, your attention is suddenly drawn to Prince Mark, who approaches with an easy confidence. His charm is well-known, and the look in his eyes tells you that tonight, his interest is solely on you.

“Your Highness,” he says with a smooth bow, his eyes gleaming as they meet yours. “Would you do me the honor of a dance?”

You hesitate for a brief moment, your thoughts flickering to Karina. But you know that you must accept; refusing him in front of the court could raise unnecessary questions. With a composed smile, you place your hand in his. “Of course, Your Grace.”

As the two of you begin to dance, Mark pulls you slightly closer, his grip firm but still within the bounds of propriety. The two of you move together effortlessly, and for those watching, you’re the perfect picture of royalty. Yet, there’s an unease in the pit of your stomach, a feeling that only grows as Mark’s gaze lingers on you longer than it should.

“Princess,” he murmurs, his voice low enough that only you can hear, “you are even more beautiful up close than I imagined. It’s no wonder everyone speaks so highly of you.”

You offer a polite smile, keeping your expression neutral. “You flatter me, Your Grace.”

You nod, allowing him to lead you onto the dance floor. As you move together to the rhythm of the music, he watches you closely, his gaze intent. “You must have suitors from every corner of the kingdom, vying for your hand,” he begins, his voice low and intimate. “But I wonder, has anyone truly captured your heart?”

His question pulls at something deep inside you, and you can’t help but laugh softly, the sound tinged with the memory of the night before—a memory that flashes vividly in your mind.

---

It was late, the palace silent, the moonlight casting a soft glow through the curtains of your chambers. Karina, your loyal knight and secret lover, had entered your room with a look that sent a shiver down your spine. She closed the door behind her, sealing off the world outside, leaving only the two of you in the quiet intimacy of the night.

Without a word, she crossed the room, her eyes locked onto yours. You tried to maintain your composure, the grace and poise expected of a princess, but it all began to slip away the moment Karina reached you. She cupped your face in her hands, her touch gentle yet commanding, and leaned in to press her lips against yours in a kiss that was both tender and full of unspoken desire.

“Y/N,” she murmured against your lips, her voice a husky whisper that sent a thrill down your spine. “You drive me mad, you know that?”

You smiled against her mouth, your heart pounding in your chest. “And what do you plan to do about it, Karina?”

Her answer was to deepen the kiss, her hands moving to the laces of your gown, deftly untying them. “I’m going to make you mine,” she whispered, her breath hot against your ear. “I’m going to make you forget everything but me.”

You shivered at her words, a quiet moan escaping your lips as she pushed the gown from your shoulders, letting it pool at your feet. The cool air of the room brushed against your bare skin, but all you could focus on was Karina—her touch, her scent, the way she looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world.

“Karina,” you breathed, your hands finding their way to the hem of her tunic, tugging it over her head. “I need you.”

She groaned softly, the sound vibrating against your skin as she kissed a path down your neck. “You’ll have me, Y/N,” she promised, her voice thick with need. “But first, I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you say that you’re mine.”

You gasped as her hands roamed over your body, her fingers brushing over sensitive spots that made you arch into her touch. “I’m yours,” you whispered, your voice trembling with anticipation. “I’m yours, Karina.”

She smiled against your skin, a wicked smile that made your pulse race. “That’s what I like to hear,” she murmured, her lips trailing down your collarbone, over the curve of your breast. Her hands gripped your hips, guiding you back until you were lying on the bed, her body hovering over yours.

“Tell me how much you want this,” she said, her voice low and commanding as she teased you with light touches, her fingers brushing over your thighs.

“I want this more than anything,” you moaned, your back arching as she continued to tease you, the ache between your legs growing with every passing second. “Please, Karina, don’t make me wait.”

She chuckled softly, a sound full of dark promise. “Oh, my princess, I won’t make you wait long,” she said, positioning herself between your legs. “But I need you to know that I’m the only one who can make you feel like this. Do you understand?”

You nodded frantically, your hands gripping the sheets as she finally entered you, a cry of pure pleasure escaping your lips. The sensation was overwhelming, her rhythm steady and deep, each thrust driving you closer to the edge.

“Karina,” you gasped, your voice breaking as she moved inside you, the pleasure building with each thrust. “Oh, gods, Karina—”

“Louder,” she demanded, her voice rough with desire as she quickened her pace, her hands tightening on your hips. “I want to hear you scream my name, Y/N.”

And you did. The pleasure was too intense, too overwhelming to hold back. You screamed her name as she brought you to your peak, your body trembling beneath hers as the waves of pleasure crashed over you, leaving you breathless and spent.

---

Back in the ballroom, Prince Mark’s words pull you back to the present, a soft, knowing smile tugging at your lips as you laugh lightly, your mind still lingering on the memory of Karina and the way she had completely unraveled you just hours ago.

The question catches you off guard, and for a split second, your mind flashes to Karina—her steady gaze, the way she always seems to understand you without a word. You quickly compose yourself, offering a practiced response. “As a princess, my duties to the kingdom come first, Prince Mark. Matters of the heart are secondary.”

Mark’s smile widens, but there’s a calculating edge to it. “Perhaps,” he says, leaning in just a fraction closer, “but even the most dutiful princess deserves someone who understands her, who can stand by her side through all challenges. I could be that person, Y/N.”

His use of your name, without the formal title, feels too intimate, too presumptuous. You maintain your composure, though inside, you can feel your frustration building. “Your Grace, you are kind to offer such sentiments, but I believe you overestimate your familiarity with me.”

Mark chuckles softly, undeterred by your cool response. “Perhaps, but I would very much like to change that. I see in you a strength, a wisdom that surpasses others of your rank. Together, we could do great things.”

The dance continues, but your thoughts are no longer on the music or the steps. You’re acutely aware of Karina, standing just out of sight, undoubtedly watching this interaction with a heavy heart. You glance briefly in her direction, catching her silhouette in the corner of your eye. The tension in her posture is unmistakable—she’s holding herself back, maintaining her knightly duty, but you know she’s struggling to keep her emotions in check.

As the music draws to a close, Mark tightens his grip on your hand slightly, as if he doesn’t want to let you go just yet. “Think about what I’ve said, Princess,” he says quietly, his tone sincere. “You deserve someone who sees you for who you truly are.”

You nod politely, withdrawing your hand as the dance ends. “I appreciate your words, Your Grace. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must attend to my other guests.”

Before Mark can respond, Karina appears at your side, her presence a reassuring balm to your frayed nerves. She bows slightly, her voice calm but with an edge of urgency. “Your Highness, may I have a word?”

You nod, grateful for the interruption. As you walk away from the crowded ballroom, you feel Karina’s hand brush against yours—a brief, hidden touch that sends warmth through your entire being. Once you’re alone in a secluded corridor, Karina turns to you, her eyes searching yours.

“Are you alright?” she asks, her voice filled with concern.

You nod, though the encounter with Mark has left you unsettled. “I’m fine, Karina. But he was… persistent.”

Karina’s jaw tightens, and you can see the storm brewing behind her usually composed exterior. “I don’t like the way he looks at you,” she admits, her voice low and filled with barely-contained jealousy. “He doesn’t know you like I do, and I won’t let him think he can have you.”

You reach out, gently placing your hand on her cheek. “And he won’t,” you assure her softly, leaning in until your lips meet hers in a tender, stolen kiss. “You’re the one I choose, Karina. Always.”

Karina’s breath catches, her eyes darkening with a mix of desire and possessiveness as your words sink in. She tightens her grip on your waist, pulling you closer until your bodies are flush against each other.

“Then show me,” she whispers, her voice rough with emotion, as if daring you to prove your devotion.

Your heart skips a beat at her command, the intensity in her gaze sending a shiver down your spine. Without another word, you quickly glance around to ensure no one is watching, then take her hand and lead her down the dimly lit corridor. Your steps are hurried, the anticipation and need driving you forward until you find a door to a private room—one that you know will offer the seclusion you both crave.

You push the door open, pulling Karina inside before shutting it behind you. The moment the door clicks shut, Karina is on you, her lips crashing against yours in a kiss that’s both demanding and filled with raw passion. You respond with equal fervor, your hands tangling in her hair as you press your body against hers, needing to feel every inch of her.

She backs you up against the bed, her hands roaming over your curves, teasing the sensitive skin beneath your dress. You moan into her mouth as she grips your hips, lifting you slightly before laying you down on the bed. She hovers over you, her eyes devouring the sight of you laid out beneath her, your dress slipping off your shoulders to reveal more of your skin.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmurs, her voice filled with reverence as she dips her head to kiss along your neck. Her lips and teeth work in tandem, leaving a trail of marks that you know will be hidden by your gown later, but for now, they’re a claim—her claim—on you.

“Karina…” you gasp, your body arching into her touch as she works your dress down further, exposing your breasts to her hungry gaze. “Please… I need you.”

She growls low in her throat, one hand sliding down your body, pushing up the fabric of your skirts until her fingers find the slick heat between your thighs. “I’m yours, Y/N. Only yours,” she whispers before claiming your lips again, her fingers slipping inside you with ease, making you cry out.

The way she touches you, with both tenderness and urgency, sets your nerves on fire. You grip her shoulders, your hips bucking against her hand as she works you over, her thumb rubbing against your clit in a way that has you seeing stars. But you need more—so much more.

“Karina,” you pant, your voice breathless as you pull her closer. “I want you inside me. Please… I need to feel you.”

She doesn’t hesitate. With a quick, deft motion, she undoes her belt and frees herself, her thick, throbbing cock springing to life. The sight of it sends a fresh wave of heat through your body, and you can’t help but reach out, your fingers wrapping around her shaft, feeling the way it twitches in your hand. She groans at your touch, her eyes nearly rolling back in her head as you stroke her a few times.

“Y/N…” she breathes, her voice strained with desire. “I need you.”

You release her, your hands shaking with anticipation as you pull her down to you, positioning her between your thighs. She lines herself up with your entrance, and you both let out a shared moan as she slowly pushes inside, stretching you in the most delicious way. Your back arches off the bed, your nails digging into her shoulders as she fills you completely.

“Oh god, Karina…” you whimper, your head falling back against the pillows as you feel her cock bulging in your stomach, the veins rubbing exquisitely against your inner walls.

She stills for a moment, allowing you both to adjust to the sensation. Her eyes are locked on yours, filled with a love so deep it nearly takes your breath away. “You’re so good to me,” she murmurs, her hands caressing your sides as she starts to move, her thrusts slow and deliberate. “How did I ever deserve you?”

Your heart swells at her words, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as you meet her thrusts, the pleasure building with each movement. “Karina… you’re perfect. I’m the one who’s lucky… so lucky…”

She kisses you again, her movements becoming more urgent, more frantic as the need to claim you, to make you hers, overwhelms her. You can feel every inch of her inside you, the way her cock drags against your walls, the way she seems to hit that perfect spot with every thrust. It’s overwhelming, the pleasure bordering on pain as she takes you higher and higher, until you’re both teetering on the edge.

“Karina… I’m close…” you gasp, your hands gripping her arms as you feel the coil in your belly tightening, ready to snap.

“Me too,” she groans, her hips slamming into yours as she chases her release. “I’m going to fill you up, Y/N… make you mine…”

“You’re so perfect,” Karina breathes, her voice rough with emotion as she begins to move in earnest. Her hips rock against yours, creating a rhythm that has you gasping and moaning with every thrust. “I want to fill you up with my babies, Y/N. I want you to feel me inside you, to know that you’re mine in every way.”

The words hit you like a wave, and you can barely process them through the haze of pleasure. The thought of Karina’s claim on you, her desire to leave a mark, sends shivers through your body, making your pleasure even more intense.

“Karina… please,” you moan, your hands clutching her shoulders as you try to keep your composure. “I… I want it.”

“That’s it,” she murmurs, her breath hot against your ear as she leans in closer. “Take it all, Y/N. I want to see you filled with my cum, to know that you’re carrying a part of me with you.”

Her words are almost too much to bear, adding an extra layer of urgency to her thrusts. You’re so lost in the pleasure that the thought of what she’s saying only intensifies the feeling. You moan loudly, your hips bucking against her as your climax draws near.

Karina’s thrusts become more frantic, her cock driving deeper, hitting all the right spots inside you. She reaches down, her hand finding your clit, rubbing it in tight circles to push you closer to the edge. “Come for me, Y/N,” she commands, her voice a low growl. “I want to feel you come around me, to know that you’re mine completely.”

The combination of her cock filling you and her fingers working magic on your clit sends you spiraling over the edge. You cry out, your body convulsing as your orgasm crashes through you. You can’t think, can barely breathe as the pleasure overwhelms you. “Karina… I’m c-coming…”

“Good girl,” she murmurs, her voice filled with pride and desire as she fucks you through your climax. She speeds up her thrusts, her cock pulsing inside you as she chases her own release. “I’m going to fill you up, Y/N. You’re going to be so full of me, you won’t be able to forget who owns you.”

The force of her words pushes you even further, your orgasm extending as she continues to pound into you, filling you with her cum. You can feel her release filling you, the warmth spreading through your core as she moans and groans, her thrusts becoming erratic as she reaches her peak.

Karina finally stills, her cock twitching inside you as she spills her seed, the heat and pressure almost overwhelming. She collapses beside you, pulling you close as you both try to catch your breath. The room is filled with the sound of your heavy breathing and the faint echoes of your shared pleasure.

“You’re mine,” Karina whispers, her voice a mix of satisfaction and tenderness as she wraps her arms around you. “All mine.”

“And I’m yours,” you reply, your voice filled with a contented sigh as you snuggle into her embrace. “

Her words send you over the edge, your orgasm crashing through you like a tidal wave. You scream her name, your body trembling as the pleasure consumes you, your inner walls clamping down around her cock.

The sensation is too much for Karina. With a guttural moan, she thrusts deep inside you one final time, her cock pulsing as she spills her hot seed into you, filling you to the brim. The warmth spreads through you, and you can feel her cum seeping out around her cock, coating your thighs in a sticky mess.

———

The moment is brief, but it’s enough to reaffirm what you both know in your hearts. You pull back just as the sound of footsteps echoes down the hallway. With a shared look of understanding, you both step back into your roles—princess and knight, lovers hidden in plain sight.

“Tonight, we play our parts,” you say quietly, giving her one last lingering look before you return to the ballroom. “But never forget, it’s you who holds my heart.”

As you rejoin the festivities, Karina watches from the sidelines, her protective gaze never leaving you. And while the world may see you as a princess without a suitor, you both know the truth—a love that runs deeper than duty, hidden beneath the moonlight.

The grand ballroom is alive with laughter and the soft strains of music, guests swirling around in their finest attire. You move through the crowd, your thoughts occupied with the evening's complex dynamics and your secret affair with Karina.

After your quiet, intimate moment with Karina in the hallway, you return to the ballroom, your heart lightened by her presence and the secret you both share.

You exchange fleeting glances with Karina, whose eyes remain steadfast and watchful from the sidelines.

Just as you're about to engage in conversation with a group of nobles, Mark approaches you again. This time, his demeanor is more earnest, and he catches your hand gently, guiding you to a quieter side of the room.

“Y/N,” he says, his voice carrying a note of earnest sincerity. “I have something important to ask you.”

You look up at him, sensing the gravity of the moment. “What is it, Your Grace?”

Mark’s gaze is steady and filled with emotion. He reaches into his pocket and produces a small, elegant box. With a deep breath, he opens it to reveal a sparkling engagement ring. “Princess Y/N, I know that our time together has been short, but in it, I have seen the depth of your heart and the strength of your character. I cannot imagine my future without you by my side.”

He drops to one knee, his eyes locked on yours. “Will you marry me?”

The room seems to freeze around you. Mark’s proposal hangs in the air, the weight of his words heavy and poignant. The unexpectedness of the moment leaves you breathless, a thousand thoughts racing through your mind.

As you open your mouth to respond, a soft touch on your arm makes you turn. Karina’s presence, though discreet, is unmistakable. Her eyes, filled with a mix of pain and determination, meet yours across the room.

Mark’s gaze is unwavering, waiting for your answer, while Karina’s look speaks volumes—a silent plea, a promise of unspoken love.

Oh fuck.

[buckymorelikefuckme]

cry baby

bucky barnes x fem reader

words: 7.3k

warnings: **18+ ONLY** smut, edging, overstimulation, crying during sex, mentions of flushed cheeks, friends to lovers, misunderstandings, lapslock.

a/n: this is arguably one of my absolute fave fics i've ever written. she is near and dear to my heart :') i've provided the link for ao3 if you prefer to read it there! it's originally posted in two parts but i've combined them here. any and all mistakes are mine. feedback is encouraged & appreciated ♡

“the boys are running late,” natasha informs you when you make your way to the table she’s conquered in the busy cafe. “sam texted a couple minutes ago and said he and bucky got stuck in traffic.”

it’s the second tuesday of the month, which means it’s brunch day. it’s a running tradition that’s stood for the four of you since your college days. the time and place has changed over the years, but everyone does their absolute best to attend every time. these tuesdays are your favorite, naturally.

you plop into an empty chair across from her with a heavy sigh. “good, that means i have time to bitch about how fucking horny i am before they get here.”

she snorts, taking a delicate sip of her latte. “what’s new?” she wonders sarcastically.

“you don’t understand,” you begin, leaning into the table, gripping the edge tightly. “it’s been months, and not like, a few, i mean it’s coming up on a year.”

natasha’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “a year? what about that guy you went on a few dates with a while back? didn’t anything happen with him?”

“no,” you grumble, sitting back in your chair and crossing your arms. you huff. “and even if something had happened, i doubt it would have been satisfying. i can probably count on one hand the amount of times sex has been even kinda pleasurable for me.”

“sounds like you’re picking shitty partners.”

you scowl. “i know that, but it’s not my fault. all these stupid men keep promising they’re gonna fuck me ten ways to sunday and not a single one of them can even get me to wednesday.”

natasha laughs. “you poor thing.”

“you’re really not helping me here,” you whine with a pitiful pout on your lips. “you are getting routine dickings, you have sam! i am not so lucky here.” you notice her attention flicks to somewhere behind you, but you’re not finished with your rant. “nat, i’m serious. all of my sex encounters are the equivalent of asking someone to scratch my back and then they scratch literally anywhere but the spot that itches. i want to be fucked so good that i cry, just—completely reduced to tears. is that too much to ask?”

nat is hiding her smile behind her hand, amusement painted across her sharp features. someone clears their throat behind you and you pinch the bridge of your nose. sam and bucky occupy the empty seats, sam next to natasha and bucky next to you. they’re both sporting wide grins, looking far too pleased about stumbling into this conversation.

sam opens his mouth, no doubt to make a smartass comment, but you cut him off before he can get a good inhale in.

“not a fucking word,” you grouse with a finger pointed in his direction.

he presses a hand to his chest, expression offended. “i would never make a joke about your truly tragic excuse of a sex life.”

bucky snickers quietly, but turns into a cough at your glare.

“i’ll murder you,” you promise.

“leave her alone, boys,” natasha says, rolling her eyes, though she’s visibly biting back her own laughter.

you huff, digging your wallet out of your purse. “i hate all of you,” you announce before getting up and going to stand in line to order.

bucky follows a moment later, coming to stand at your side and throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“that bad, huh?” he asks.

you don’t have to look at his face to know he’s probably smirking right now.

“fuck off,” you retort, not bothering to push his arm away since you know he’d only put it right back.

“aw, come on, don’t be like that,” he jests, “you know we just like to poke a little fun.”

you roll your eyes, throwing him an exasperated look. “yeah, but that was something only nat was supposed to hear. i hate talking about sex with you and sam because you two wouldn’t understand.”

“that’s not true,” bucky insists, which makes you roll your eyes again. “it’s not!”

“first of all, sam’s got natasha, so we both know they’re more than satisfied.” bucky tilts his head in acquiescence. “and you don’t have to worry about if you’re gonna have an orgasm when you hook up with somebody. men have it so easy.”

it’s probably not the best thing to talk about in line of a busy cafe (especially since you haven’t decided between a blueberry muffin or the ham and cheese croissant, and there’s only one person ahead of you now and you’d really rather not be discussing your lack of sex in front of an innocent barista) but it sort of feels good to get this off your chest, even if it’s to bucky.

“okay, definitely not true,” he replies with a frown. “i’m not always guaranteed an orgasm.”

you give him a skeptical glance. “i find that hard to believe.”

this time, it’s bucky who rolls his eyes. “whatever, whether or not i come when i have sex with someone isn’t what i was gonna talk about when i came over here.”

the person in front of you finishes their order and then you’re stepping up for your turn.

“hi, what can i get you today?” the young barista asks with a smile.

“a large mocha iced coffee with sweet cream and a blueberry muffin, please.” you pause, contemplating, then add, “and a ham and cheese croissant.”

if you can’t get fucked within an inch of your life then food will become your lover, you reason.

“just a black coffee for me, please,” bucky tells the girl, taking his wallet out of his back pocket and handing over his card to pay before you can stop him.

“i could’ve paid for mine,” you mumble.

“you also could just say thank you,” he replies with a short laugh as he ushers you to the side to wait for your order.

you pinch his hip, pouting. “thank you.”

“why does your gratitude come with violence?” he asks, rubbing the sore spot.

“you know how i am when people do nice things for me.”

“you should be used to it by now,” he points out.

“well, i’m not,” you huff. “anyway, what did you come over here to talk about then?”

bucky reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, uncharacteristically shy all the sudden. “uh, well. i dunno, i just thought… you know, since you’re not—i mean, not that you couldn’t be, just—you haven’t been, so maybe… fuck.”

“spit it out,” you say with a giggle, wondering what in the world’s got him so tongue-tied.

“why don’t you let me?” he blurts, averting his gaze immediately after.

you tilt your head in confusion. “let you what?”

he sighs heavily, working his jaw in frustration. “you know…” he begins, digging his thumbnail into a knick on the countertop in front of you. “let me fuck you until you cry.”

“what?”

just then, your order is called. bucky quickly grabs it and turns to make his way back to the table, but you grab his arm to stop him.

“i don’t think so, you come back here right now and explain yourself,” you demand.

his eyes lift heavenward. “it’s just an idea, okay?”

“bucky, you’re talking about crossing a huge line. you can’t just throw that out all willy nilly!”

“i know,” he replies earnestly. “and it’s not—“ he grimaces at the phrasing, “willy nilly. you’re one of my best friends. i wouldn’t jeopardize that for anything, and i wouldn’t offer this if i thought that it could. this is something that’s obviously affecting you negatively in your life and i’m willing to help. i trust you, and i’m pretty sure you trust me, yeah?”

“of course i trust you,” you say, frowning.

he shrugs. “so, then it’s just… a friend helping another friend.”

“you make it sound so simple,” you muse in wonder.

“think about it?” he implores.

you swallow roughly, biting the inside of your cheek. “fine. i’ll think about it.”

he nods and walks back over to the table where sam and natasha are waiting. you hesitate for only a split second before following.

needless to say, you’re distracted for the rest of brunch.

***

you: what even makes you think you could fuck me until i cry anyway?

it’s been nearly a week, and as much as you hate to admit it, you’re actually considering taking bucky’s offer. it’s all you can think about since he brought it up. you can’t lie, you’ve always thought bucky was attractive, but ever since you were gently but firmly placed in the friend category back in university, you never allowed yourself to think of there ever being more between the two of you. he’s a wonderful friend to have and you’d have been an idiot to pass it up. bucky is kind and generous and just enough of an asshole to keep things interesting without it being a problem.

but this… this has left you reeling. why would he make such an offer after only ever keeping things strictly friendly and platonic in your relationship? and more importantly, where does he get the confidence to think he could follow through?

bucky: experience?

you make a face at your phone, furiously typing your reply.

you: ew. do you realize how douchey that sounds?

bucky: well, it’s not douchey if it’s true.

you: says you

bucky: and a few other people :)

bucky: you’d know it too if you’d let me fuck you

you exhale harshly through your nose, tapping your foot on the floor anxiously, carefully thinking of what you should say next.

you: it’s apparently a tall request, and thus far, nobody’s been able to deliver. you can understand my skepticism…

bucky: if i don’t leave you shivering and twitching with aftershocks of pleasure, in a mess of sweat and come, and tears stained on your cheeks, then i will have failed you.

your thighs squeeze together at the mental image that brings you. jesus christ, if he’s half as good at fucking as he is dirty talking then he just might do as he’s promising.

bucky: so? what do you say? wanna give it a try?

biting your lip, you give yourself a moment to weigh the pros and cons in your mind one last time.

it doesn’t take you very long to make your decision.

you: okay. we’ll try.

***

it’s a slightly overcast sunday when bucky comes over with the direct intention to fuck you. it should be weird, but strangely, all you feel is anticipation. maybe it’s because you know him so well and know that, no matter what, he’d take care of you.

(or, maybe it’s because those repressed college-aged feelings are doing their best to resurface, even though you steadfastly continue to ignore them.)

you’d taken a thorough shower earlier to ease the little bit of nerves you had when you’d woken up. cleaning up the small mess your apartment gathered over the last couple weeks helped, as well, and soon you found yourself standing in front of your lingerie drawer with your lips pursed.

you weren’t sure if you should even bother with it, but it felt you wouldn’t be putting in any effort into this encounter if you didn’t at least pick out nice underwear. so, with a pleased nod, you settle on some simple black lace panties and a matching bralette. not too much, but enough to satisfy yourself, and hopefully bucky. you pick out a simple sundress to put on over it, since you won’t be wearing much of anything once bucky gets here. that thought has you flushing, but you ignore it to put on some makeup, just to freshen up your face.

by the time he knocks on your door, you’ve already finished a glass of wine and are pouring yourself a second.

he smiles when open the door, a bit boyishly, greeting you with a quiet, “hi.”

“hi,” you return, just as soft. you open the door wider. “come in.”

he walks passed you, stopping to toe his shoes off and hang his jacket on one of the hooks.

“do you want a glass of wine?” you ask as you head to the kitchen to retrieve your own from the counter.

bucky follows, stopping in the entryway with his hands in his pockets. “no, thank you.”

you nod, taking a sip from your glass, trying to figure out what to say. the air feels a little awkward and you’re not sure how to fix it.

“nervous?” he wonders curiously.

you shake your head. “not really.”

he quirks a brow. “then what’s wrong?”

“i don’t know,” you murmur. “i guess i’m just worried we’re making a mistake.”

he hums. you take a larger sip of your wine.

with cautious steps, he comes closer to you. “what if i promise that things won’t be weird after?”

“you can’t really promise that, though.”

“sure i can,” he says, smiling. “it’s me and you. we’ve been friends for so long. plenty of people have sex and stay friends after.”

you’re not just ‘people’ to me, you think.

you sigh, frustrated with yourself. you can’t deny how badly you want this. it’s all you’ve been able to think about since that day in the cafe. but the thought of losing bucky is heartbreaking, and you don’t want your stupid horniness to be the reason that you ruin a friendship, even if he was the one to offer sex.

“why don’t we go make out on the couch for a little while first?” he suggests after a moment’s pause.

you snort, in spite of your thoughts. “like a couple of teenagers?”

his eyes crinkle on the sides when he grins. “yeah. we’ll just see how we feel about that, and if it leads to more, then…” he trails off, shrugging.

“that’s not a bad idea,” you concede.

“great! finish your wine.”

you laugh and do as you’re told, downing the little remaining wine in one go, sitting the glass down on the counter resolutely as you swallow.

“let’s do this,” you say, determined.

bucky huffs a laugh, grabbing your wrist and tugging you behind him as he makes his way to the couch. he settles slightly facing you as you tuck your legs under you beside him.

“do you wanna talk, or do you want to jump straight into it?”

“if we talk anymore i’m gonna change my mind. just kiss me already, bucky.”

“yes ma’am,” he sasses before doing exactly that.

he cups your cheek with one hand as the other is placed on your knee. he guides your face to his and kisses you chastely. you’re not sure where to put your hands at first, but you tell yourself to quit being a goober about it and place them on either side of his neck, your thumbs brushing under his jaw.

it’s an okay kiss, you have to admit, but it’s not really doing anything for you yet. he has soft lips, softer than you thought they’d be. you’re beginning to wonder if maybe this confirms you shouldn’t go any further when he tilts his head, and… hm.

he parts his lips, taking your bottom one between his, kissing it, then nipping it. you wouldn’t say the sound you make is a gasp, necessarily, but it’s close. his tongue lightly caresses the seam of your mouth and you don’t even think before you open up for him, letting his tongue sweep in, flicking against yours. you hum, scooting a tiny bit closer to him, chasing the feeling. his kisses turn insistent then, teeth biting at your bottom lip and tugging, soothing the ache with his tongue. he kisses you like a man quenching his thirst, like you’re the best goddamn thing he’s ever tasted, and it’s leaving you dizzy. you sway more into his space and he pulls away from your mouth.

“c’mere,” he whispers, gripping behind one of your knees to drag it over his hips so you’re straddling him. “much better.”

you don’t have a chance to process anything about the moment, his mouth back on yours in a blink. your fingers wind themselves into his hair, getting a good grip on it as you lick into his mouth. he lets out a soft noise at that and you try your damnedest to pry it out of him again, pressing your chest to his so there’s not even a sliver of space left between you.

his hands travel, down the sides of your torso to your thighs, back up to your hips where he holds on tight. it doesn’t take long after that before you find yourself grinding into him. you both moan at the same time, breaking the kiss to pant for breath.

you swallow roughly. “okay,” you murmur, “i think it’s safe to say this could work.”

bucky laughs quietly. “yeah? wanna move to your bed then?”

your squeeze your thighs around him, shifting minutely on his lap and feeling the beginnings of his erection beneath you. “yes,” you breathe.

quickly, you rise from your position and step back, allowing bucky to stand, then grab his hand and lead him to your bedroom. once you’re standing beside your bed, you turn to face him. he meets your halfway, pulling you into another, filthier kiss. you reach for his belt buckle, unfastening it and sliding it through the loops, tossing it to your floor. next are the button and zip of his jeans, shoved down his legs until he steps out of them and kicks them and his socks aside. he obediently lifts his arms when you slide your hands under his shirt and begin pushing it up, breaking the kiss to nearly yank it off, making bucky huff in amusement. once it’s tossed with the rest of his clothes, bucky grabs fistfuls of your dress and pulls you into him.

“my turn,” he says against your lips.

carefully, bucky helps you out of your dress, eyes raking over every bit of new skin shown to him. he bites his lip when he sees your lacy underthings.

“you got all dolled up for me?” he asks.

shifting under his stare, you nod. “wanted to look nice,” you admit.

he hums. “beautiful.”

he kisses you again, a little softer than before, but no less passionate. the urgency returns as he backs you up until your thighs hit the mattress. gently, he guides you onto your back, never breaking the kiss as he follows you down and settles over you.

you soon find yourself in need of air and pull away with a gasp. bucky is undeterred and instead presses his kisses down your jaw, to your neck where he decides to bite and suck until he’s left a mark you’ll have to reprimand him for later. he licks his way up to your ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth, drawing a whine out of you.

“bucky,” you whisper, hands gripping his sides as you squirm below him.

“hm?”

you close your eyes tightly when he makes his way back down to your collarbones.

“please,” you whimper.

“please what, sweetheart?” he asks, pushing himself up to look you in the eye.

“t-touch me,” you beg, cheeks flushing.

his lips quirk into a smile. “i am touching you.”

“bucky,” you whine.

“where do you want me to touch you, hm?” he wonders. one of his hands trails across your shoulder and down the center of your chest. “here? or… here?”

when his fingers glide, barely there, over your pebbled nipples, you push into the touch eagerly.

“or…” he continues, his feather light touch making a path down your stomach. your breath quickens in anticipation. “here?” he murmurs as his fingertips stop on your pantyline.

“yes, there, anywhere,” you agree hastily, “just —please. please, bucky, don’t tease me.”

he kisses you again, deep, full of promise. “you beg so prettily for me.”

he rearranges your positions until he’s between your spread thighs, sweeping his hands across the inside of them. he nods to your panties.

“may i?”

“yes, please,” you reply, lifting your hips to help him take them off.

he doesn’t give you a chance to close your legs in shyness, firmly grasping your knees in each of his hands and spreading them once again. the way he’s looking at you makes you feel unbelievably desirable, has excitement crawling up your spine.

“don’t forget,” you remind him, making his eyes flick up to yours in question, “you better make me cry.”

a slow, dangerous smile graces his lips. your stomach swoops eagerly.

~

a whine, high pitched and drawn out, escapes your lips. after you unwittingly challenged him, bucky took it upon himself to torture you—with sex. so far, he’s only used his fingers on you, in you, thrusting them steadily but never enough to bring you to climax. he’s taking his time and being a smug prick about it. you go to complain, again, hoping if you beg enough he’ll let you come, but before you can do more than open your mouth he’s quickening his pace.

“oh!” you gasp, clutching the sheets in your hands.

bucky slides his hand down your thigh, bringing his thumb inward to swipe around where his other fingers are buried inside you to gather your wetness and using it to rub circles on your clit. your back arches, head thrown back against your pillows as you feel your orgasm build. it’s not tears, but damn, it feels good enough.

just as you start to clench around his fingers, legs spasming, he stops.

your eyes open in a hurry, brows furrowing in confusion. “no, please, don’t stop,” you plead.

bucky smiles. “i gotta get the right build up.”

you groan in frustration. he laughs quietly and lets the inferno burning within you simmer down to embers, then starts inching his way down until he’s lying on his stomach, mouth poised above your pussy. the feel of his warm breath makes you shiver, and with no warning whatsoever, he leans in and sucks your clit into his mouth.

“fuckin’—oh my— bucky!”

you’re pretty sure you black out for the next several minutes, the only thing you’re aware of is the thudding of your heartbeat in your ears and the feel of bucky’s mouth on you. you’re lost in a mindless haze of pleasure, unable to think or feel anything else. you feel your orgasm cresting for the second time, and just as before, bucky pulls away before you can succumb to it.

“why,” you hiccup on a moan, wanting nothing more than to just come already, but he’s not letting you.

he shushes you, softly kisses your knee. sitting up to take his underwear off, bucky keeps his eyes on you, expression hungry.

“gonna take care of you, sweetheart,” he promises. “just a bit more. you’re being so good for me, yeah?”

“please,” you whimper, feeling completely pathetic.

he makes quick work of putting a condom on and then settles between your thighs. you sigh in relief when he wastes no time and pushes in, being careful not to go too fast. once he’s fully inside you, he pauses, wanting to give you time to adjust, but you’re back to whining.

“bucky, please, please just—fuck me,” you beg, squirming beneath him.

he takes mercy on you, finally, and sets a hard pace. your hands fly up to push against the headboard, moaning and gasping from his harsh thrusts, loving the stretch of him inside you. his thumb is back on your clit and you cry out, clenching hard around him, but his thrusts don’t falter. all too soon, you can feel yourself getting close. you hear your own voice chanting please, please, please, mixed in with bucky’s grunts and the sound of him fucking you.

you whimper, eyes squeezed shut as your climax hits the point of no return, crashing over you in waves. you think you might scream, but it’s hard to pay attention to anything other than the overwhelming pleasure coursing through you. part of you thinks this’ll be it, bucky will come now and then you’ll have had one of the best orgasms of your life and he’ll be on his merry way home. but no, that’s not what happens.

instead, bucky keeps thrusting relentlessly into you, dragging out your pleasure to the point of oversensitivity.

“s’too much,” you breathe, gasping for air.

bucky shakes his head, face contorted in concentration. “one more,” he tells you, voice gruff and deep.

unbelievably, you feel tears beginning to gather in the corners of your eyes. bucky’s still rubbing your clit, still keeping a steady rhythm of his hips, and fuck, he’s so beautiful. you watch him fucking you, wondering how the fuck you got to this moment, how you got lucky enough to bear witness to the sight of bucky fucking, let alone be the one he fucks. his body is ridiculous, looking like it’s carved from marble. you know how much strength it holds, as well, know that if he really wanted to, he could probably fuck you against a wall.

it’s with that thought, with the added bonus of the way bucky touches you, looks at you, like you’re something treasured and gorgeous, giving you such intense pleasure, that the tears threatening to spill over finally fall from your lashes.

bucky notices, because of course he does, and he thrusts into you just a little faster, a little harder, and your body seizes up and then you’re falling into another orgasm. it spreads through your veins, slow like honey, making sure this one settles deep into your bones. bucky groans as he, too, reaches climax, hips twitching into you in aftershocks until he stops moving altogether.

you both pant for breath, sweat gathered in every crevice on your bodies. you think you won’t be able to move for the rest of the weekend.

“need to pull out,” bucky says softly, breaking the moment.

you nod and he carefully pulls his hips back, grunting. you poorly suppress a whimper and close your legs, already hating the empty feeling.

“well,” he starts, plopping himself on his back next to you, “i think i deserve some kind of reward.”

when you turn to face him with an exasperated look, he’s got his arms crossed behind his head, a smug smile across his lips.

“how about i don’t kick you in the balls? how’s that for a reward?”

“i literally just did the impossible.”

“what, made me come twice? i can do that all on my own. you’re not special,” you retort with a huff.

he scoffs. “i fucked you so good you cried.”

“you can’t prove it,” you say to the ceiling.

“keep up this attitude and i won’t do it again,” he threatens, poking you in your side.

you wiggle away from the ticklish touch while trying to tamp down on the hope bubbling in your chest.

“oh, we’re doing this again, are we?” you say as casually as possible.

he rolls his eyes. “of course we are. now,” he sits up in your bed, stretching his arms as he stands and picks up his underwear, “i’m starving. wanna order takeout?”

well, you guess if you’d been worried about any kind of awkwardness before, you shouldn’t have. this is bucky, your best friend. he’d never let things change between you.

***

except, things kinda change between the two of you.

it’s not very noticeable at first, changes so subtle you miss them, until one day he showed up at your apartment and greeted you with a kiss. you stood frozen in your doorway as he rambled about how stressful his day had been as he kicked his shoes off. it was only when you heard him calling out from the kitchen that he was gonna eat your leftovers that you snapped out of it, yelling back that you’d kick his ass if he even touched your dumplings.

another day, he facetimes you and asks if you want to go to see that new movie you’ve been talking about.

“oh,” you’d said. “are nat and sam coming, too?”

he’d given you a funny look, replied, “no, i thought it would just be us two.”

“oh,” you said again. “okay.”

so you’d gone to the movies, let him buy you buttery popcorn and peanut m&m’s and a soda bigger than your head. he shared with you, despite your protests, and halfway through the film you felt his hand settle on your thigh. you blinked and stared at it for a beat, turning to him in question. he only smiled at you briefly before focusing back on the movie.

in between all of this, you continued calling him over for sex. honestly, how could you not? as much as you didn’t want to admit it to him, he was the best you’ve ever had. and if he’s so willing, why shouldn’t you take advantage while you can?

a week ago, though, you’d texted him and asked him to come over, replying to his question of what time and then started getting ready. you’d purchased a new piece of lingerie, a periwinkle babydoll nightie, that left very little to the imagination. it had a matching pair of panties and felt soft and luxurious on your skin. you’d taken extra time to do your hair and makeup, wanting to look like sex on legs, and you’re pretty sure you succeeded.

but when he got there and you answered the door in your sexy outfit, he didn’t see it right away. in one hand he held his phone, typing something on it, and in the other hand he held a grocery bag that you eyed curiously.

“i brought stuff to make spaghetti—“

when he did finally look up, his eyes widened and traveled the length of your body several times. you bit your lip, trying and failing to hold back your smile.

“how about we skip dinner?” you’d said, fisting his nice button-up shirt and dragging him inside your apartment. you grabbed the grocery bag from his hand and sat it on the floor, absently noting he was wearing his date jeans.

whoops, you’d thought, hope i didn’t pull him away from someone important.

you hadn’t let yourself dwell on it, standing up on your tippy toes and kissing him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. he’d returned the kiss, licking into your mouth, drawing your tongue out so he could suck on it and made you moan embarrassingly loud.

“wait,” he’d murmured, “we should eat first.”

“or, you could eat me,” you’d retorted with a giggle.

he groaned like it pained him to say no, gripped your hips hard and put a tiny bit of distance between you. the look in his eyes had made you want to find the nearest flat surface and bend over.

“why don’t you be a good girl for me, hm? let me cook dinner for us and after we eat i’ll fuck you however you want me to. okay, sweetheart?”

you whined, but ultimately agreed, knowing he’d make it worth it.

and then there’s tonight, where he came over unannounced, armed with groceries again and promising to cook you the best meal you’ve ever had. to say you were confused would be an understatement, but you also didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

it’s just… well, bucky’s not really acting like a friend with benefits. sure, you hung out alone with him all the time before, but he never once cooked you dinner, and he certainly never helped wash dishes after. you guess the hello kisses could be explained away as part of the new aspect of your relationship, but something about that didn’t sit quite right with you.

after a truly delicious dinner, you find yourself on the couch with bucky as he scrolls through netflix to find a movie to put on.

“what do you want to watch?” he asks.

“mm,” you mumble, shifting closer to start kissing his neck, “don’t care.”

as he narrows down his decision and finally picks one, you make your way up to his jaw, sucking a small mark into the skin there.

“baby,” he protests softly, “let’s just watch the movie, yeah?”

you pull back, confused. first at the pet name, then at his words. he’s never denied you before, which isn’t to say that he can’t, it’s just that he’s always seemed on board. and, you know, you thought that was kind of the whole point of this thing.

“okay,” you reply after a moment.

he gives you a smile and a sweet kiss, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his side to cuddle. you can’t help but frown, feeling like you’re missing something, but not knowing what it could be.

it doesn’t take long for drowsiness to creep up on you. before he showed up, you had planned on probably ordering out for dinner and going to bed early since you’d had a pretty rough day. in fact, you remember texting bucky about it just that afternoon. your eyelids get heavier and heavier, finding it harder to keep them open as the seconds pass. your head droops and in the next blink, you’ve fallen asleep.

you’re not sure how much time has passed when bucky wakes you, but you groan, pouting and burrowing into his shoulder more.

he huffs a laugh. “c’mon, sweetheart, let’s get you to bed.”

“don’ wanna move,” you mumble tiredly.

“i’ll carry you,” he offers. “up you go, baby.”

you half heartedly argue about being jostled, but let him carry you to your bed where he carefully places you, helping you out of your sweatpants and pulling your blankets up around you. you sigh in content, feeling yourself already drifting back into sleep. you hear bucky shuffling, but think nothing of it until the bed dips beside you, then feel his warm body slide in underneath the covers and press in close.

“goodnight, darlin’,” he murmurs.

you’d ask him what in the word he’s doing, but sleep is just far too enticing to ignore. you fall into slumber with bucky’s warmth along your back, his arm draped over you.

the next morning, you wake to the feeling of his fingers playing with the tiny bow on the front of your panties and his lips placing gentle kisses on your shoulder. you hum, eyes still closed, in the back of your mind thinking this is a nice way to wake up. at the sound of you, his touches get firmer, more insistent.

“good morning,” he rasps, breath tickling your ear.

you don’t really get a chance to reply. he dips his fingers into your panties, making you inhale sharply, moaning as you buck into his hand. he fingers you for a while, kissing along the column of your throat, biting and sucking marks into the skin there. when you’re begging him for more, he relents, eases your panties off and lifts your leg to slide in from behind. the angle is so nice it has you gasping.

you clutch the sheets weakly, burying your face in your pillow and muffle your whines and moans. bucky keeps a slow, lazy rhythm, acting as if he’s got all the time in the world to draw this out. it’s good, so good, and you can’t hold back your whimper when he kicks up the pace a little, tells you to touch yourself. you come seconds before he does, shuddering through it and humming happily.

as you both lie there and catch your breath, awareness trickles into your mind. you swallow roughly, staring blankly at the wall as you realize your feelings have grown far too much for this to be only casual anymore.

bucky kisses your shoulder again. “i’m gonna go make breakfast, okay? i’ll call you when it’s ready.”

“okay,” you whisper, blinking rapidly to keep tears from forming.

hearing bucky bustle around your kitchen makes your heart clench with want; want for something you can’t have.

***

bucky: dinner tonight?

you bite the inside of your cheek as you stare at the text. you know you need to cut things off with him before you get anymore hurt than you already are. it’s not fair to either of you if you continue with this arrangement when you’ve caught real feelings for him. you have to tell him, and soon. with that thought in mind, you type out a reply.

you: sure. what time?

bucky: reservations are at 8pm, i’ll pick you up by 7:45.

reservations? where was he taking you? you get another text before you can ask.

bucky: dress nice ;)

with a sigh, you text back an affirmative and try to start mentally preparing yourself for the conversation you dreaded having. you could only hope and pray that he agrees to still be your friend after.

by the time there’s a knock on your door that night, you’ve worked yourself up into an anxious mess. you open the door to see bucky standing there with a single peach colored rose and a bashful grin.

“hi,” he greets, leaning in to kiss you on your cheek. “this is for you.”

he hands you the rose and you feel your heart crack in your chest. you muster a small smile.

“thank you. let me go put this in a vase and we can head out.”

he nods and waits patiently at the door. as you fill a vase with a little water, you take a deep breath, giving yourself a mental pep talk.

this was going to suck.

the drive to the restaurant doesn’t take too long, and when you see where he’s taken you, your eyebrows shoot up. this is one of the nicer places in the city, definitely not on the affordable side. he helps you out of the car, leading you inside with his hand on the small of your back. you’re led to a small booth in a far corner with overhead lighting that feels too intimate. maybe you’d have to wait until you left to tell him…

conversation is light, a bit surface level, and you get the feeling that bucky is a little nervous. you wonder if maybe he’s gonna let you down gently first, hoping that he doesn’t, because you’d rather not cry in such a fancy restaurant.

after the waiter takes your drink orders, bucky sighs.

“okay, let me just… get this off my chest.”

oh fuck, here it goes.

“i know i’ve never really come across at the most romantic guy, especially since i’ve never felt the need to be.” he runs a nervous hand through his hair. “you’ve always been so important to me, and this last month has been so, so wonderful.”

“bucky…” you trail off, attempting to somehow stop him, but he powers through.

“i just—i never thought i’d find somebody, you know?” he says, earnest, gaze locked on yours. another crack in your heart. “especially not somebody who was my friend first, that i already had a solid foundation with. the attraction had always been there, but the friendship meant more to me, and finally allowing that to blossom into this amazing, new, fun relationship has got to be the best decision i’ve ever made.”

did he start dating someone and not tell you? oh god, has he been sleeping with someone else? at the same time? your stomach turns, eyes burning, hating yourself more and more as he speaks.

“so, i guess what i’m trying to say is,” he says, rolling his eyes at himself and smiling, “happy one month anniversary, sweetheart.”

you blink, feeling a tear slip down your cheek. “what?” you croak, beyond confused.

bucky, however, looks concerned. “baby, why are you crying?”

“i…” you blink some more, eyes flitting around the room as if you’ll get some kind of clarity that way to the situation currently happening. “what?” you repeat.

“did i come on too strong?” he asks, looking embarrassed now. “i wasn’t sure if you’d even want to celebrate, but i’ve just been so happy with you—i’m sorry, baby, i should’ve asked.”

“bucky, what are you talking about?” you finally manage, unable to keep the bewilderment out of your tone. “anniversary?”

bucky frowns. “i didn’t get the date wrong, did i?”

“no, i—this isn’t—i’m not talking about—ugh, i mean, when did we even start having an anniversary to celebrate?”

bucky’s face goes blank, sitting back in his chair. your heart is pounding wildly in your chest, so fucking confused, so fucking hopeful.

“we… we’re dating,” he says, slow, unsure. “aren’t we?”

“since when?” you ask probably too loudly, cheeks flushing.

he opens and closes his mouth a couple times. “when i asked you out?”

“bucky, oh my god, you’re gonna have to be more specific before i lose my goddamn mind. when did you ask me out?”

he huffs, his own cheeks flushing. “at the cafe! a month ago, at brunch with natasha and sam.”

your eyes widen in disbelief. “when you asked if you could fuck me until i cried?” you hiss, ignoring the scandalized look on the waiter’s face as he brings your drinks over.

smiling apologetically, you thank him and wait until he’s gone before sending a glare bucky’s way.

“that’s not how you ask a person out,” you seethe.

“i asked if you wanted to give this a try and you said yes!” he replies desperately. “i’ve taken you on dates!”

you pinch the bridge of your nose, thinking of all the times you thought he was being too romantic, more-than-friends type of behavior. you’re a fucking idiot, but god, so was he.

“at no point did you say anything even remotely close about us starting a relationship. i thought we were just fucking, bucky, i didn’t realize it was more than that!”

“you don’t—“ he starts, then stops, looking down at the plate in front of him. “you don’t want to be with me?”

“i didn’t know it was an option,” you say carefully.

“well, it is.” he meets your gaze, cautious. “i just spilled my guts to you. you know how i feel now. how do you feel? about me?”

you lick your lips. “bucky, i… i was planning to end things with you tonight.” his expression drops, even though he tries to mask it, so you’re quick to explain. “not because i don’t like you, but because i do like you and i thought you wouldn’t want anything more than just sex with me.”

“it’s never been and never could have been just sex with you,” he replies, quiet and relieved. he reaches across the table to take your hand in his. “i meant it when i said you’re the best decision i’ve ever made. i want this—the sex, the dinners, dates, all the gross and sappy shit i never wanted before… i want it all with you, if you’ll have me.”

you can’t fight the smile spreading across your lips. “of course i’ll have you, bucky.”

he smiles in return, a laugh bubbling out of him, which makes you giggle, until you’re both laughing so hard and loud that patrons from other tables are sending dirty looks your way, which only makes you laugh more.

“do you wanna get out of here?” you ask, laughter dying down. “there’s pizza and sex calling our names, i think.”

bucky moans dramatically. “i knew i liked you for a reason.”

he leaves money on the table and then the two of you quickly make your way through the restaurant, giggling and holding hands the whole way, even in the car.

[vxntagedior]

the aftermath

summary | as the poe cup has come around, xavier finally finds the chance to tell you your feelings, but he expressed them at the wrong time

pairing | xavier thorpe x fem!reader

warning | fluff, angst, xavier is hopelessly in love and an idiot, miscommunications, yoko being the bestest friend, it's mentioned reader is a vampire

word count | 1.6k

You couldn’t feel like celebrating, the team gathered in yours and Yoko’s room, well except for Wednesday. 

Numbly sitting on your bed, you watched as Enid, Yoko and a few other girls from Ophelia came to celebrate, dancing around with the cup. 

“Aren’t you happy Y/n?” Enid turned to you. You finally came out of your head looking up at her. “You okay, you don’t look so good.”

Looking up at them, you sighed, “Xavier kissed me today.”

There was a moment of silence before all the girls cheered around, squealing. Yoko pulled you from the bed, hugging you tightly.

“See, I told you it was bound to happen.” They smiled, “He likes you back.”

“See, I told you it was bound to happen.” They smiled, “He likes you back.”

“Wait,” Divina interrupted, though not around the winning team, she came in support for Yoko, “when did it happen? You never went away from the group.”

“During the Poe Cup.”

“You all stay here, and watch over the boat!” You yelled to Yoko, Enid and Wednesday before running off into the forest. 

Ajax and Xavier had a head start of you but you were determined to make it ahead and finally win the cup this year. 

Looking back, you saw Bianca slowly coming in the background, whipping your head back around, bumping into someone.

“Woah watch where you’re going.” You felt them wrap their hands around your bicep to stabilize you before helping you stand up straight. 

“Xavier.” You sighed. As much as you wished for something to happen, you couldn’t let anything get in your way of getting that flag. 

“In such a rush?” There was a playful glimmer in his eyes, “I think we have it this year.”

“In your dreams.” You clipped back. 

“Oh, I do dream of you.” Your eyes soften slightly at the statement, before you remember where you are.

“Let me go!” You tried to wrestle out of his grip. Xavier was adamant of having you in his arms, and didn’t seem like he wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. 

“Leaving me so soon.” He smirked, “One more thing.”

You couldn’t even think after what happened. One second you could see the flag in your field of vision and the next, you felt being pushed against a tree, with Xavier’s lips on yours. 

His hands slowly trailed down your arms, wrapping them around your waist, your hands subconsciously placed on his chest. You couldn’t even register what was happening, dreaming of this moment. 

Kissing him back, your hands were wrapped around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. 

Feelings his hands dance around your torso, you heard the sound of footsteps coming closer and closer. 

“I got it!” Your eyes widened at the sound of Ajax’s voice, pulling away from Xavier, seeing Ajax behind him with the flag in his hand. 

Putting two and two together, you looked at Ajax then looking back at Xavier who had that cocky smirk on his face. 

“Good luck.” He whispered in your ear before running off. 

You felt embarrassed, angry, all whirlwinds of emotions. Swallowing it down, you ran to grab the flag before sprinting back to the boat. 

“What took you so long!” Enid practically screamed, pulling you back into your spot. Having the clear vision of you guys holding the Poe Cup, you couldn’t think of what had just happened, rowing even faster. 

The four of you started to row back, passing the AmontiLlado boat, seeing them starting to sink. You felt proud at the moment seeing Xavier’s face of defeat but turning back. 

You ran behind Enid and Wednesday ran towards the finish, you all cheering for your victory. 

“He kissed while I went to get the flag, and he-uh kissed me to distract me while Ajax was able to get their flag.” You confessed. 

“Oh honey.” Yoko cooed, wrapping their arms around you, leaning your head onto their shoulder. 

You didn’t want to cry, it was supposed to be a happy moment but nonetheless, you felt your eyes starting to water. Letting the tears cascade, you sobbed out loud. 

“I really liked him.” You cried, the rest of the girls all sat around you, consoling you. “And he used me!”

“He’s not worth it.” Enid said softly. 

On the other side of campus, Ajax sat at the edge of Xavier’s bed, watching him pace back and forth in his room. 

“Dude, you're giving me a headache.” Ajax said, “Can you say something.”

“God, I’m so stupid.” Xavier muttered for the hundredth time at night, pulling at the roots of his hair. 

“Anything but that.” Ajax sighed, he didn’t know how long he heard him muttering under his breath, “Just talk to her.”

“I can’t.” Xavier looked up at his friend, “You didn’t see her face, she looked heartbroken, it was like I betrayed her.” It wasn’t one of his best moments, but Xavier couldn’t hold it in anymore and kissing you while grabbing the flag wasn’t the time. 

He planned it all, after you or him won, he wanted to tell you how he felt, kiss you then. 

“Explain to her then.” Ajax offered, “You can’t avoid her forever.”

But you did. 

The following Monday, you walked through Nevermore with Yoko, ignoring Xavier like the plague, which was a pain because of the numerous classes you had with him. 

Walking into Mrs. Thornhill’s class, you started to make your way towards the back to sit with Yoko, but frowning when you saw Enid there. She sent you a sheepish smile before looking over your shoulder. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked over your shoulder to see the station where Xavier was sitting, with an empty seat next to him. 

Turning around you looked back at Enid and Yoko, sighing and rolling your eyes behind your sunglasses. 

Setting your stuff down the table, you took the seat next to him. 

“Hey.” He whispered, turning towards you, “You’re wearing your sunglasses, you never do.”

It made you feel a little happy that he noticed things about you, but shaking it off. 

The sun never bothered your eyes that much, never really needing to wear sunglasses, but after spending most of the weekend crying, your eyes were red and puffy. 

“Alright class.” Mrs. Thornhill called, you thanked whoever saved you at that moment. 

Xavier was dying to talk to you, get your attention, anything. Looking out of the corner of your eye, you saw him scribbling on the back side of his paper, his eyebrows furrowed. 

Looking up at Thornhill, you saw something being slid by your books, you looked down, seeing the self portrait of yourself. It was from the Poe cup, the cat makeup on your face, and the ears that Enid made you wear. 

Your eyes soften slightly, seeing how beautiful the picture was. Collecting yourself, you pushed it back to Xavier, gathering your stuff before walking out of class. 

“Y/n, wait up!” Xavier called for you in the crowded hallway. You turned back, seeing how everyone had been looking at the two of you. You wanted to talk, but you didn’t need half the population of Nevermore listening in. 

“C’mon.” It was the first thing you had said to him in three days. Walking ahead of him, Xavier was on your heels, letting you take him anywhere. Arriving in front of the Poe statue, you look around the corridor before snapping twice. 

As the statue started to move back, you both walked down the stairs in the Nightshades library. 

Both of you stood in the middle of the room, both of you waiting for the other to talk. 

“I just want-” Xavier started. 

“Did you mean it?” You interrupted him. Your voice held no emotion, your body was stiff waiting for his answer. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Did you actually want to kiss me or was it to distract me?” You explained further. 

“No, of course not.” Xavier shook your head. 

You couldn’t help but start to ramble, “Because if it was, that was truly cruel, everyone knows how I feel about you and if you used my feelings to try to win, I don’t think I can be around you anymore and-”

Before you could finish, Xavier grabbed the side of your face, his hands on your cheek while his thumbs cradled your jaw, kissing you. You breath sucked in, your eyes wide, not even registering what was happening.

Your hands pushed against his chest, pulling him away from you. 

“You can’t do that.” Your voice faltered. “You can’t play with my feelings like that!”

Xavier’s hands were still on your face, moving away from your cheeks, pulling your sunglasses off your face. 

He saw the tears in your eyes, using the pad of his thumb, to wipe away the tears that started to cascade down your cheek. 

“I love you.” He said softly, his thumb caressing your cheek. “And I’m an idiot.”

“You are.” You laughed quietly. 

“Ajax told me I finally needed to tell you, and I had this whole plan, kissing you after the race, when we won.”

“When I win.” You corrected him. 

“Right.” He smiled, before continuing. “And what happened during the forest, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, I was an idiot for leaving you like that, I should have explained myself afterwards.”

“You really love me.” Your hands were wrapped around his wrists.

“Of course I do.” He smiled. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life telling you.”

“Yoko’s gonna freak when I tell them.” You chuckled. 

“Really.” He started to smile, “I just told you I love you and all you’re thinking about is Yoko’s reaction.”

“Of course.” You smiled. “So are you gonna kiss me again?”

“For the rest of my life.”

fin.

[sprinkler-ashes]

begin again // aaron hotchner x reader

begin again

aaron hotchner x fem!reader

description: in which there are five times that aaron hotchner restores your faith in love and one time where you restore his. inspired by begin again by taylor swift.

words: 6.1k

warnings: cursing, a touch of angst, hotch in a quarter zip and casual clothes (yes this requires a warning), fluff, hurt/comfort if you squint, reader has an awful ex (gn pronouns for ex), mentions of violence and injuries

a/n: i’ve been working on this all throughout the week every night at like 3 am running on, at best, 4 hours of sleep so i’m very sorry if there are grammar/spelling errors – i will edit soon. also i fear i’ve been watching too much dharma & greg, and this was the product. enjoy!

i've been spending the last eight months

thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

but on a wednesday in a cafe

i watched it begin again

One.

It was week one of your new job at the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit when you knew with absolute certainty that as soon as you arrived back at the bureau, you were going to hand in your resignation.

You were sitting away from the rest of the team who all sat together, though a little cramped, and deep into discussion about something that you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to. They were talking normally as if everything they just witnessed over the last few days didn’t affect them.

You knew that you were new to this – it was your first week on the job. But you felt like you should be… happier than the way you currently felt. This was your dream job: one that you’ve spent years working towards. One that you gave everything up for, including your relationship.

However, it was starting to feel like it wasn’t worth it.

The team was very lovely. From the moment the case had begun, each one of them made an effort all throughout the trip to Missouri to make sure you were keeping up and doing okay. They’d even tried to get you to come over and chat with them when the flight started, but you lied and said you were tired.

Your head was leaning against the window, your eyes peering out to see nothing but blue skies and clouds. This was everything you’d ever wanted, so why did you feel the way you did?

A voice in the back of your head told you that your ex was right; you weren’t cut out for this. You were going to fail just like they always said you were going to – this was a mistake.

You couldn’t help but be on the verge of a breakdown with all the thoughts running through your head, but there was no way you could cry due to the presence of someone moving to sit in the seat in front of you. A part of you didn’t want to look up because you knew exactly who it was. You didn’t want to look him in the eyes, but, reluctantly, you did look up only seconds later.

BAU Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner was sitting in front of you with his usual gaze that made you feel slightly intimidated. He seemed to be good at everything he did – or at least everything you had seen him do. He was well-respected, a damn good profiler, and so put-together that it made you feel like a mess in comparison.

“Can I help you, sir?” You asked, attempting to mask the conflicted feelings in your voice.

He ignored your question. “You just finished your first case. I wanted to see how you were feeling. You and Reid really helped by figuring out the geographical profile.”

You should’ve known he would know. This was a plane full of profilers – they probably all knew.

“I’m good,” you lied with an attempted smile that never reached your eyes. “I’m glad we caught the guy; I’m just really exhausted.”

Aaron didn’t say anything as he obviously did not believe you with his eyes still watching you, presumably reading more about you in mere seconds than you even knew about yourself. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, the chatter from the rest of the team filling the air.

“They’ve all been here for years,” he suddenly said. “It still affects them, but it gets easier.”

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this,” you told him, your voice cracking in the middle of your sentence. You shut your eyes, cutting off eye contact. You didn’t want to look at your boss after you basically just told him you can’t do your own job.

This is so embarrassing, you thought to yourself.

When you finally re-opened your eyes, Aaron was still watching you. He moved forward, crossing his arms and resting them on the table between the two of you. He was looking at you with what you almost would’ve called sympathy.

“You can do this,” he reassured you, making sure his voice couldn’t be heard by the rest of the team. “You wouldn’t be here if you couldn’t. It’ll get better.”

The sheer honesty in his voice caused unshed tears to form in your eyes. No one had given you the affirmation you so desperately needed in a long time – not even your ex, who often said more unkind things than kind.

“What if it doesn’t?” You asked, blinking hard to get rid of the tears that were threatening to fall.

“It will,” he said firmly, emphasizing his words. “Go home, rest, and come back for a new day tomorrow.” With that, he stood back up, straightened out the sleeves of his suit jacket, and looked at you one last time before walking back over to where he was originally sitting. “You did very well this week.”

Aaron said everything with so much sincerity that for the first time in a while, you felt a little bit better.

—

Two.

You didn’t end up quitting.

It had been a little over a month since you almost quit your job after the first week. Things still weren’t perfect, but you had gotten more used to being a profiler and had gotten to the point where going to work didn’t feel like such a chore.

You were now in a small North Dakota town on a case. It was the second week of December, and the heat was out at the inn you were staying at, which all of you had, unfortunately, found out when arriving back from the police department.

“I probably know the answer to this, but is there any way we could go somewhere else?” JJ asked as she stood by the door. “It’s freezing, Hotch.”

“Actually, in order for it to be freezing, it would need to be–”

“Reid, not now,” Derek cut him off.

Aaron looked up from the folder he was reading. “We can’t go anywhere else. This is the only place to stay in town, and it’s the only place that was approved and booked.”

“They said they will probably have it going again in under an hour. Maintenance is working on it now,” Rossi announced as he entered the room, stepping past JJ. “They apologized for the inconvenience.”

It was eleven at night, and everyone was in clothes they were sleeping in except for Aaron who still wore his suit, minus the tie and jacket. You didn’t know how he wasn’t freezing in only his white dress shirt. The rooms at the inn were relatively tiny, but the team had all managed to cram into Aaron’s room, who got one to himself this time. They’d all flocked to his room in an attempt to figure out if staying somewhere else was possible, except for you, who had already been there.

You were sitting on the couch in the room next to Aaron as you attempted to help him figure out how this particular unsub was kidnapping his victims. The couch was particularly small, leaving no room between you and him. The entire side of your thigh was pressed against his, warmth radiating off of him despite the cold room.

Aaron sighed, laying down the folder and running a hand across his temple. “I’m sorry, but it’s out of my hands. Everyone, go back to bed. Hopefully the heat will be back on soon.”

“You coming?” Emily, your roommate for the duration of time you would be in North Dakota, asked as everyone filed out of the room.

You shook your head. “I’ll be there soon. I’m going to look over this one last time and see if there’s anything I missed.”

Emily told the both of you goodnight and left the room, leaving only you and Aaron still sitting together.

He made you very nervous. 

Aaron was older, extremely accomplished, more experienced in the job, and working with him alone was nerve-wracking. You’d proven yourself immensely in the short amount of time you had been a member of the BAU. Still – he was wonderful at everything. The idea of being wrong around him was terrifying.

As you continued to look through everything laid out in front of you, you couldn’t focus. It was so cold to the point where you couldn’t feel the tip of your nose anymore, and you were slightly shivering, crossing your arms in an attempt to warm up a little.

“Looks like I should’ve brought a winter coat to sleep in,” you attempted to joke.

The left corner of Aaron’s mouth tipped upward as he stood up and moved to the small closet. “It is pretty cold, isn’t it?”

Before you knew it, there was a brown blanket being draped across your shoulders.

It wasn’t very thick nor was it very comfortable. In fact, it felt a little scratchy to the touch as it brushed over your bare hands, but Aaron situated it until it was entirely wrapped around you while his body hovered over yours. You stopped breathing momentarily, your heart picking up its pace every time his hands scraped over your own arms. Even through your thick sweatshirt and the blanket, you could still feel his touch.

“Thanks,” you muttered. Your heart rate had gone back down to normal now that he was moving to sit again.

“I can’t have one of my agents going hypothermic,” he joked and gave you one of his rare smiles; the ones that were usually reserved for outside of work.

You weren’t blind – Aaron Hotchner was a gorgeous man, and you wouldn’t deny that just the scent of his very expensive cologne alone was enough to make you feel slightly dizzy.

However, that's all you thought. He was your boss, and you were dealing with a breakup that was still laying heavy on your heart and constantly consumed your thoughts.

But even after the heat started working only half an hour later, you didn’t remove the blanket and temporarily forgot about the person who broke your heart while you worked next to him.

—

Three.

It was six months into your job when you found yourself having one of the worst days ever.

You’d woken up late and to a text from a friend letting you know that the ex you’d been getting over for half a year was now social-media-official with the person they told you not to worry about, you spilled coffee all over your car and your white top resulting in you being even later for work as you had to go back to your apartment and change.

You were a stumbling mess when you finally made it to the conference room for the meeting that you were six minutes late for. All eyes were focused on you as you mumbled apologies and sat down while trying to listen to Aaron’s voice. It was some housekeeping things and maybe you should’ve listened, but your head was elsewhere.

The rest of the day did not go well either. Halfway through the day, you had managed to screw up the fax machine, trip over your own shoes, and give yourself not one but two paper cuts. All of it sounded like minor things – a paper cut shouldn’t have set you off so badly, but it really did.

By the end of the day, you wouldn’t have minded if the ground opened up and swallowed you whole. Once you did one more thing, you would finally be able to go home.

“Come in.”

Aaron’s office was a place that you had grown to not fear so much. In the beginning of your job, every time you had to go in, it almost felt like you were in middle school walking into the principal’s office as he sat there at his desk with a stoic stare and hardly any emotion in his voice.

“I got your email about needing to speak with me,” you told him, coming inside and shutting the door behind you. “What did you need?”

He looked up at you as you moved closer to his desk. “I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

You frowned. “I thought you said in the email that you needed to speak with me about something important?”

Aaron nodded as if it was no big deal. “You’ve been acting off all day. How you feel is an important thing – even if you think it isn’t. So, are you okay?”

Your heart broke at his kindness. He was always nice to you, maybe nicer than he should’ve been, but calling you into his office just to make sure you were okay after a bad day made you wonder why no one else had ever cared about your feelings like this.

“I’m okay,” you told him. “It’s just been a terrible day.”

Still sitting at his desk with his full attention on you, Aaron asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

You wouldn't lie – you did think about his proposal for a moment. There weren't many people for you to talk to. You had friends, but not many in Quantico other than your co-workers. You’d moved alone without knowing anyone, and you worked so much that there was rarely time for you to go out and meet new people.

But Aaron was a busy man. He was probably just offering to be polite – there was no way he cared that much to hear about your miniscule problems when his job was as hectic and busy as it was.

“No, Hotch, I don’t want to keep you here any longer–”

He cut you off. “I’m already here; it doesn’t matter. You can talk to me. I’ve been rather concerned about you.”

At that moment, you couldn’t come up with an excuse as to why the idea of him thinking about you was enough to make your heart flutter.

“It’s… it’s stupid,” you started, taking a seat in the chair in front of his desk. “I had a bad breakup right before I moved to Quantico. My ex didn't really care when I went to the Academy, but they exploded when I told them how I finally got this job. It was constant fighting before they gave me an ultimatum: them or taking the job.”

“And you chose the job?”

You laughed, feeling a little pathetic. “No, at first, I didn’t. They really got it stuck in my head that I wasn’t good enough to do this. I was going to turn it down and stay, but I changed my mind last minute. I found out this morning they’re now with someone else. Then, I was late, I fucked up the fax machine, and I got a couple paper cuts. It’s nothing, really – it was just a bad day.”

Aaron moved around in his seat, leaning back a little and crossing his arms. “It isn’t nothing if it bothers you.”

“I didn’t know you were a therapist,” you tried to joke, squirming awkwardly in your seat. You were already feeling vulnerable and the way he was looking at you wasn’t helping.

“Only part-time,” he said. “Don’t tell anyone – someone may think I have emotions.”

His face was completely stoic when he said it, but as soon as you started to laugh, he joined in.

“Really, though, I’m okay – just exhausted. I think the universe just hates me right now.” You stood up to leave. “I want to beat the rush hour traffic, so I should head out, but thanks for checking on me.”

He nodded in acknowledgement and you were on your way out while thinking the interaction was over, when he called out your name.

You stopped, hand still grasping the door you were about to open. “Yeah?”

“It’s their loss.”

A frown appeared on your face. “What do you mean?”

“Your ex,” he explained. “You shouldn’t lose sleep over someone who doesn’t know how lovely you are.”

Lovely.

You’d been called a lot of things in your life, probably even some adjectives better than lovely, but the way it just rolled out of Aaron’s mouth as if it was a casual, every-day-like occurrence made you feel warm.

Aaron Hotchner thought you were lovely and knowing that kept a smile on your face for days after while the wounds that had been given to you by someone else slowly healed.

—

Four.

After a year of working with the BAU, you ended up with your first unsub-related injury.

You thought going to the hospital was pointless because you truly felt fine, but both Derek and JJ argued relentlessly for you to go due to the nasty gash on your head. Unfortunately, you were outnumbered and sent to the hospital for an evaluation after the unsub you were after thought it was okay to slam you on the ground a little too hard, resulting in a blow to your head when you went down and hit the concrete.

JJ rode with you to the hospital in the ambulance that you, very much, did not think was necessary. After seeing a doctor, it was determined that you had a concussion. With a thick bandage on your wound and a drive home from JJ who gave you strict rules on taking care of yourself while you healed like the mother she was, you were finally alone in the comfort of your apartment after a long day spent in Manassas – the location of the latest case.

Now that the adrenaline had worn off, you were starting to feel the symptoms and the sound of knocking on your door felt like nails being drilled into your head.

However, the person standing on the other side when you opened the door made your head spin faster than the concussion did.

Aaron was standing on the other side of the door, one hand holding a brown paper bag with a look of worry on his face. He was dressed casually in a navy blue sweatshirt and jeans, nose slightly red from where he had walked through the cold November air to get inside your apartment building.

In other words, he looked very good. It was hard to not grab and kiss him.

You’d developed somewhat of an attraction for your boss since that fateful day in his office. Not that you hadn’t been attracted to him before, but it now felt more like a serious affection and not some small crush – the first time you felt this way about anyone in a long time.

“Hi,” he said, shifting his weight from one foot to another upon seeing you. “How are you?” He paused after his eyes glanced at the very obvious bandage on your forehead. “Wait, I don’t think that’s an appropriate question right now. I’m sorry.”

You giggled despite the throbbing in your temple, moving to let him into your apartment. “I’m as good as I can be right now. Come on in.”

He walked into your apartment, following you into the kitchen after you shut the door and locked it. Aaron had only been to your apartment once after giving you a ride home from work, but this was the first time he’d ever been inside.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” He asked while you got a glass of water.

You nodded slightly, careful to cause any more pain. “Probably, but I can’t get any rest until my medicine kicks in and my head doesn’t feel like it’s about to bust.”

Aaron winced. “I tried to come to the hospital, but JJ had already taken you home by the time I got there, so I came here. I apologize for coming unannounced and so late, but I had to make sure you were okay.”

“You do that a lot,” you told him, leaning against one of the counters in the kitchen. “Making sure I’m okay.”

“I happen to care about you a lot.”

Hiding your smile behind the glass of water, you took a sip before focusing your attention back on the bag he brought with him. “What’s in the bag?”

It seemed as though he had forgotten he was still holding something. He raised it up and held it out to you, an almost-shy look dancing across his face that you’d never seen before on him. “I, um, made a stop at the store for you on my way over. It’s just over-the-counter medicine, extra bandages, and a couple snacks that I know you like. I figured it might help you out since you can’t drive for the next two days.”

You couldn’t stop the grin that appeared on your face. It was almost as if every time you thought Aaron couldn’t get any more perfect, he would prove you wrong.

He continued as he sat the bag down on the counter next to you. “I also wanted to tell you that Strauss said take all the time you need to recover.”

You gave him a quizzical look. “She did?”

There was only silence between the two of you as you looked at each other until he shrugged. “Well, I told her that you’re going to be taking all the time off that you need, and she didn’t really say anything so take all the time you need.”

“It’s just a concussion,” you told him. “I’ll be back to work soon.”

“A concussion is a serious thing,” Aaron said with a frown, not liking the way you brushed the injury off as nothing. “I’m glad you’re okay. Morgan said you hit the ground pretty hard before he cuffed the guy.”

You took another sip of your water before sitting it down. “I’m alive and well – Derek was just worried.”

As much as you were enjoying the feeling of talking with Aaron in your kitchen, the heaviness you felt in your eyes reminded you that it was nearly midnight, and you’d had a long day. The yawn that escaped your mouth didn’t go unnoticed.

“I should go and let you get some rest.”

You really didn’t want him to go. There weren't many other opportunities where you would get Aaron in your apartment like this. It felt oddly domestic, and you hated the fact that you loved it so much. But he was right – you did need the rest.

“Thank you again for stopping by,” you told him as the two of you walked the short distance back to the front door. “And for all the stuff you bought. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” he said, his hand lingering on the door knob. “If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call.”

He was opening the door before you called out, “Wait,” your mind flooded with déjà vu from the time he stopped you on your way out of his office.

Aaron paused and turned to look back at you. His body hadn’t left the room yet, but the door was slightly ajar where he opened it. 

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you walked over to him and threw your arms around his broad torso engulfed in the softest sweatshirt you’d ever felt.

“Thank you,” you softly said. “Not just for tonight, but for, well, just caring about me.”

He didn’t waste a second reciprocating the hug as he wrapped his arms around you even tighter, careful not to get near the bandage on your forehead and further hurt you. He was like a human heater – warm, tall, and you fit perfectly against him.

One hug from Aaron was like a band-aid healing any problem you had – even the external ones. Maybe this was what the placebo effect felt like and if this was it, you wanted it over and over again.

“Of course,” he muttered, arms still locked around you as if he needed this more than you did.

When you finally parted, his cheeks were dusted with a slight red shade as he wore one of his grins that you’d grown to love and receive more often. “Goodnight.”

Even though you had a raging headache and a painful cut on your temple, it had nothing on the big smile you kept on your face even as you drifted off into sleep that night still feeling warm and giddy.

—

Five.

It had been almost two months since you hugged Aaron in your apartment.

Since that night, something changed in the relationship between the two of you. You couldn’t really place your finger on what had changed, but there was a shift. Tension was thick – not in a bad way but in a way where you wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him to you any time you were alone.

You also had the feeling that he felt the same way. Aaron had been a profiler for many more years than you had been, but you liked to think you were good at your job. You could read him and from the way his eyes watched you, you could tell he was feeling the same tension in the air.

It was New Year’s Eve, and David Rossi had, after a lot of pleading from Penelope, agreed to host a small get-together for the team plus family including Will, Henry, and Jack – the latter two were currently running around the, very expensive, house, which was driving Dave insane as kept watch to make sure nothing got damaged due to the kids.

You were standing outside in the backyard, the late-December air hitting your face as you glanced down at your phone that told you it was almost midnight.

When you thought back to who you were around this time last year –  a woman in a new city with a demanding job and hardly any friends, still crying yourself to sleep over someone who didn’t deserve your tears – it made you want to smile.

It had been a little over a year since you started working at the BAU and as you glanced inside through the large glass doors, you felt like you belonged. There was no more doubt, no more tears, and no more days where you wanted to run away.

“What are you doing out here? You’ll freeze to death.” You turned around to find Aaron closing one of the glass doors and moving towards you.

He was wearing a black quarter zip and jeans – a casual outfit but one of your favorites. For reasons that you couldn’t understand, Aaron Hotchner in a quarter zip made you feel things.

“I came out here because it’s cold,” you told Aaron, leaning against a railing and crossing your sweater-covered arms. “It’s so hot and stuffy in there. It’s like Rossi is trying to burn us all alive.”

Aaron laughed and walked over next to you. He leaned against the railing, his arm brushing against yours. “He does keep his house pretty hot.”

“Is Jack having a good time?”

Jack Hotchner was probably your favorite kid you’d ever met. He was a total sweetheart, and you instantly got along with him from the first day you met him.

You didn’t miss the way Aaron’s face lit up a little as you mentioned his son. “Yes, I think so. He’s a big fan of celebrating the New Year because he gets to stay up late.” You then watched his face fall a bit. “He’s been missing his mom a lot lately, so coming here tonight – it’s good for him.”

You knew of Aaron’s ex-wife who had died before you joined the team, and you knew the terrible way that it happened. You’d also heard that it greatly affected Jack and Aaron, even though he hid it more than he should’ve.

“It must be hard on him, but I’m glad he’s having a good time tonight.”

Aaron smiled. “He loves the team, but I think you’re his favorite.”

You grinned. “No way! I’m honored.”

A comfortable silence grew between the two of you with no sounds other than distinct chatter and laughs from inside of the house. You glanced over to Aaron who was pulling out his phone.

“Eleven fifty-eight,” he said. “You want to head back inside and watch the ball drop?”

You almost said yes at first because you actually did want to see the ball drop, but you also wanted a moment alone with Aaron considering you rarely got them in a setting outside of work. Maybe you were being selfish, but you didn’t care – a few more minutes with him wouldn’t hurt. “I think I’m going to stay out here.”

He didn’t say anything. Aaron kept his phone out so the two of you could keep an eye on the clock app, its tiny, orange hand moving around the twelve, now signalizing that it was eleven fifty-nine.

Your eyes kept watch on the clock as it got closer to passing twelve again. You were starting to get nervous. A part of you expected Aaron to go inside after you told him you weren’t going back in – it wasn’t like he was obligated to stay out in the cold with you.

However, he never went back inside and as the clock kept getting closer to midnight, only seconds away now, you wondered if he was thinking the same thing you were: the traditional New Year’s kiss.

You discretely searched for any sign on his face that gave away if he was going to kiss you or not. You so desperately wanted it but if he wasn’t thinking the same thing, there was no way you were going to embarrass yourself by trying to kiss him.

Ten.

Still no sign – you were starting to panic a little.

Nine.

What were you supposed to do?

Eight.

Would he rather have a handshake? He did have a pretty firm grip.

Seven.

No, screw a handshake. Who gives someone a handshake at midnight on New Year’s?

Six.

He put down his phone and was starting to turn toward you.

Five.

Was he actually going to kiss you?

Four.

“Forgive me if I’m reading this wrong, but can I kiss you?”

Three.

You couldn’t form words, only a nod, eyes slightly widened.

Two.

He was moving his hand up to your cheek and, oh dear, this was actually going to happen.

One.

Aaron’s lips were warm against yours, and you weren’t sure if you’d ever been kissed with so much delicacy. He was gentle and respectful. Your hands pressed against his chest before you finally moved them up to the nape of his neck under the collar of the quarter zip you loved so much, pulling him even closer to you.

You felt secure and safe pressed up tightly against him with one hand of his cupping your jaw as the other rested firmly on your lower back. Your mouth was opening up before you could even stop it. Aaron smiled against your lips as he felt it before he deepened the kiss.

 This time, he was kissing you much more firmly and with the feeling of his tongue moving against yours, you couldn’t remember the last time, or if ever, you felt the way you did. His hand pressed even harder against your back, making you inhale sharply during the kiss.

There was a time in your life when you thought you would never find someone else – that maybe you were destined to be alone all because of one person who didn’t see your worth, but Aaron made all the pain go away to the point where you hadn’t thought of the person who hurt you in months.

Aaron made you feel like you were floating all the time. He reminded you of your worth instead of breaking you down. He was a man who did both the small things like throwing a blanket around your cold body and the big things like bringing you snacks and medicine after a hit to the head – the definition of “if he wanted to, he would” in the best way possible.

“Hey! You guys missed the – holy shit!”

You flung yourself off Aaron and looked behind him to see Emily standing there, her mouth wide open. You’d never seen her utterly speechless like she was at the moment. She opened and closed her mouth for a moment, glancing back and forth between the two of you before she finally found something to say.

 “Morgan and Reid owe me fifty bucks.”

—

(+) One.

It was three months into Aaron Hotchner’s relationship with you when he knew with absolute certainty that he loved you.

His job was difficult, and today was no different but instead of shaking it off before going home, he couldn’t help but feel a cloud of emotion follow him all the way back home to his apartment.

He knew that you were waiting on him because the two of you were supposed to have dinner. You’d gotten to leave at a reasonable time and not, he glanced down at his watch, at nine at night. Aaron had a lot of duties and responsibilities as Unit Chief, but he sometimes wished he didn’t in order to come home at a normal hour.

Aaron saw you sitting on his couch as soon as he unlocked and opened his front door. You smiled sweetly as you looked over at him, no trace of frustration or anger at how late he was getting home.

“Everything go okay with those reports? I know Strauss was giving you a hard time,” You said as you glanced back down at your phone you were holding. When he didn’t answer, he saw you look back up at him again but this time with a frown on your face.

He knew the look he had on his face was giving him away, but he just couldn’t force himself to not feel the way that he was feeling.

You put your phone down on the coffee table and stood up to move in front of him. “Are you okay?”

“That’s usually my line to you,” he attempted a joke, but it never reached his eyes.

You responded with a half-smile. “Bad evening?”

Aaron nodded, not saying anything further. You moved closer as you wrapped your arms around his torso, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, honey,” he said, instantly feeling a little better just from your touch. “I missed dinner. I’m not the one who should be upset.”

You pulled back and rested both hands on each side of his face as he kept his situated on your waist. “Someone told me once that how you feel is an important thing even if you think it isn’t.”

He chuckled a bit. “Using my own words against me, huh?”

You cracked a smile. “It’s okay that you missed dinner. I know you had a rough and busy evening. Don’t worry about me. We can have dinner another night – it’s not a big deal that you couldn’t make it.”

You were looking at him so sincerely and touching him with so much care that he couldn’t help but pull you back in again, eyes closing at the feeling of another hug from you.

“Let’s go to bed,” you mumbled to him. “You look like you could go for an early night.”

Aaron wasn’t sure what he did to deserve someone as good as you – someone who cared for him even on days when he didn’t care for himself. You were kind, understanding, and patient. Sometimes he couldn’t even believe he was lucky enough to be with someone like you.

So while he wasn’t sure of how deserving he really was, he was one hundred percent sure of the fact that he loved you and your lovely self.

[lorelaiblair]

It was always there.

Before Wednesday even began at Nevermore the rumors already existed, that the new normie student was a psychopath who murdered two students at her previous school, that she was only excepted into Nevermore because her parents were rich alumni.

Enid was all for gossip - she had a literal blog dedicated to it - but the things people were saying about the new girl put a sour taste in her mouth.

Then Enid found out the girl would be her own roommate.

Then Enid met Wednesday.

And oh, was she harsh, and volatile, rude, and cruel.

Enid was confused though, the girl had a softness about her and Enid was apparently one of the only people who could see it.

Wednesday acted like she couldn't stand her parents, but Enid could see a glimmer in her eyes. She watched Wednesday fiddle with the necklace her mother had given her, in the quiet of their room when Wednesday thought that no one was watching. Wednesday was harsh towards Thing, but she would do anything to protect him. Wednesday enjoyed making her murder board and she moved it from their room when looking at it made Enid faint. Wednesday apologized to Thing when Enid had told her to, Wednesday had scared off bullies for picking on Eugene.

Wednesday threatened to hurt Ajax if he ever hurt Enid, Wednesday had FUN dancing at the rave’n, Wednesday pouted when the blood falling from the ceiling wasn't blood but paint.

Enid saw her. Enid saw her softness, saw Wednesday caring, saw Wednesday excited, happy, she knew that Wednesday had feelings. She knew that Wednesday could love so deeply.

Enid knew that Wednesday was afraid of showing it because she had been hurt badly in the past.

Of course Enid saw Wednesday. Wednesday saw Enid too.

Enid saved Wednesday's life.

Wednesday gave Enid her confidence back. Wednesday helped Enid to realize that her worth was not tied to her capability. For all that Wednesday was; harsh, cruel, and rude, she was also so good. She had a skewed sense of justice - but it was a strong one.

For all that Wednesday acted like she didn't care what others thought of her, and while that was mostly true, it really did affect her sometimes. Nobody saw it, Wednesday was nothing if not skilled at hiding herself, Enid would always see her. Enid always knew.

It wasn't long after the beginning of second semester when Enid snapped.

She was walking along the hallway when some student, who Enid couldn’t even remember the name of, called Wednesday a “psycho bitch”.

It was an off handed comment to his friend, he probably didn’t even realize that he would be overheard, but oh Enid was so done.

She was so done.

It wasn’t even a full ten seconds after the words had left his mouth, before Enid had him pinned against the wall by his throat. Her claws dancing around the delicate skin over his jugular.

He sputtered and gasped, trying to catch his breath despite Enid’s palm pressing down on his throat. She could see the fear in his green eyes.

Enid considered dark brown. Dark brown eyes that looked almost black in the dark of their shared dorm room. Dark brown eyes that looked nearly golden in sunlight.

Dark eyes that Enid has seen full of tears on that night they had almost died together. Dark eyes that sparkled with mischief before Enid found herself regretting her decisions.

Enid could never really regret anything, as long as those eyes would look at her.

Enid could feel the boy’s pulse under her hand, she could feel his ragged breathing. She could feel hands on her shoulders, trying to pull her back.

“Leave her name out of your mouth” Enid growled, her voice so low and harsh that she couldn’t even recognize it. She scraped her claws down his throat, blood beaded at the surface, following her fingers. It was just a little scratch, it was only a warning. “Understand?”

He whimpered.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes” He said, his voice broken and meek. She let him go, he sunk down the wall before fumbling to run away- away from Enid. Nobody has ever looked at her like that before.

He looked at her like she was dangerous, something to be feared.

She knew that she should feel bad about that, it would make sense for her to regret what she had just done - someone behind her was speaking and she couldn’t pay them any mind - she didn’t regret it one bit. His blood was still running down her claws, she popped it into her mouth and hummed.

[foreingersgod]

Can you write about CC inspired by the song Nobody Gets Me by Sza

Like how your the only one she opens up to and completely trusts

Nobody gets me . CC

pairing: caitlin clark x reader

synopsis: nobody gets me by sza

A/N: avoided the angsty part of this song cause i feel like i’ve been in too much of an angsty mood LMAO! enjoy loves !

for a while, you and caitlin had an on and off relationship. sometimes you only got together just to hook up, at some point you tried being official for while, but nothing had ever really stuck and you just continued on with your normal back and forth routine. it worked well for the both of you, too busy with school and basketball that you didn’t want to pester each other with means of labeling your relationship. but you found comfort within each other and practically spent every waking moment with one another. to be completely transparent, you’d always had really intense feelings for her, but you didn’t want to ruin such a beautiful thing you had had with her already.

graduation was approaching swiftly, and you found that the two of you were hanging out much less often. cait was dealing with the championship and procrastinating saying her goodbyes to her team. and you were finishing up your studies and internships. when she did come over, though, she was extremely exhausted and distant.

you had sensed that something was bothering her, but you didn’t want to push it. knowing caitlin, she got stressed and overwhelmed about a lot of things and she hardly ever talked about it. when she did speak about what was on her mind she had to do it on her own terms.

on one particular wednesday night, however, she had shown up at your door in tears. a rare scene to behold. you’d never seen her cry unless it was after a huge loss for iow, but even then, it wasn’t like this. she was hiccuping from the sobs, with her face red from running her hands down her face.

“caitlin…hey what’s going on?” she said nothing as you immediately ushered her into your apartment. you got her situated on your couch, telling you’d be just a second and you were going to grab her some tissues and water.

“no!” she cried, grabbing your wrist as you attempted to leave “don’t leave me please”

you sat down next to her, extremely worried. “i won’t, im right here, are you sure you don’t want anything?”

she shook her head violently and collapsed into you. her face hidden somewhere between your neck and shoulder, trying to suppress her sobs. her whole body shook as she continued crying, you rubbed her back and smoothed her hair, trying to calm her down.

“cait, you’re making me nervous, what’s going on?” you urged again.

“i’m so scared, YN” you grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at you.

“of what?”

“of this” you looked at her extremely confused. “of graduating, of moving on, of saying goodbye to the team…”

“cait those are very normal things to be upset about, you shouldn’t have to be scared to continue on this amazing path you’re-” wiping away some of her tears with your thumb, you tired to comfort her before she cut you off abruptly.

“but i’m scared of losing you” her eyes squeezed shut in frustration, so overwhelmed by with these feelings coming out all at once.

“me? what are you talking about?”

“i just-” she tried to steady her breathe “i’ve realized that i haven’t taken this thing we’ve had seriously enough. i-i’ve been thinking about what’s going to happen when we go our separate ways…and i don’t want that YN, i don’t think i can be without you.”

“hey,” you grabbed her hand “i’ll always be here, we’ll still call and text and when you’re in town we can grab lunch! i’m not just gonna stop being your friend, silly!”

“but i don’t want to be your friend!”

you were struck with shock at her statement, completely unaware of where this was all coming from.

“the closer we get to separating from each other, the more i’ve become of aware of how much i’m fucking in love with you”

her eyes were studying your facial features, trying to pull a reaction from you, but you stood completely starstruck.

“nobody gets me like you do,” her voice cracking, close to crying again. “i don’t think i can be away from you. im scared it’s too late and i don’t want to lose what’s left of you..of what we have. and, i’ll be honest, i don’t want to see you with anyone else but me. nobody gets me like you do, im serious. i only like myself when i’m with you”

you felt yourself about to cry too, you had no idea she felt this way.

“you’re the only one i can actually be myself with. and you’re the only person i want to be around every second of the day. and i know it sounds crazy, and i don’t expect you to put everything on hold just because i’m sitting here crying and dropping this huge love bomb on you but i-”

you cut her off, throwing your arms around her shoulders, and pulling her into a gentle kiss. you could feel your tears mix together as you desperately pulled her in closer. after wanting her all to yourself, your feeling were finally reciprocated and it felt like you were on cloud 9.

“i love you, caitlin” you pulled away, smiling “i’m not going to leave you”

“thank you,” she said with her tears finally dried “for loving me, for trusting me, and for staying. i don’t think i could make it without you”

she stayed the night at your place that night. she told you about all the stuff she had kept hidden away when she started becoming distant; she told you about the stress of classes and the team and the draft. everything. she felt like she could stay up all night with you and completely e open up to you because nobody gets her like you do.

[sweetkpopmusings]

changbin coworker headcanons <3

a/n: i hate that it took me SO. LONG. to upload another coworker headcanons post :-((( i'm currently suffering in the office so thinking about giggly coworker!changbin is my saving grace <3 pics not mine~

content: fluff, nonidol!au | wc: 0.9k | warnings: none really! some mentions of food | pairing: coworker!changbin x gn!reader | requests: open

it’s honestly hard to remember a time at work when you and changbin weren’t friends

changbin was always known for being good-natured, friendly, and an absolute joy to be around, which you were informed of on your first day

needless to say, people were quite jealous when you became the favorite of the most well-liked person in the office

changbin would argue that you’re the most liked though because he likes you so much, with all his heart, forever and ever 

he tells you this like every day :,-( just the cutest

speaking of changbin being cute

he is determined to turn any bad day around asap

like the second he sees the hint of a frown on your face, he is going full y/n-deserves-the-best-day-ever mode

he’ll do anything from impromptu girl group dance performances every time he walks by your desk to reading dozens of dad jokes off a random website to absolutely CHEESIN’ at you until you smile back

also totally is on his rich kid behavior when it comes to buying you snacks, drinks, trinkets, or anything else he thinks you need to get through the workday

any time you offer to pay him back he looks like he’s going to cry because “i just want to treat you!! you are my friend!! i can only survive the hours of the workday because you’re here!! the least i could do is buy you this thing!!”

“this thing” is like a five course meal on a wednesday but whatever you say changbin <33

even though he feels it���s his daily responsibility to make sure you’re working in a stress-free environment, good luck doing anything in peace

his voice is on max volume 97% of the time

and the other 3% his voice is on bass boosted whisper

if you sit next to him in a meeting, he WILL get you in trouble for disrupting the presentation

if you’re not talking to him, he’d whisper “y/n!!! why are you ignoring me???” and then your boss would call you both out for being disruptive and you’re sitting there like ???? i’ve been completely silent 

before you can say anything to defend yourself, changbin is apologizing and saying “we’ll never do it again” which is a total lie lmao

he doesn't care though. he sits next to you every time and will throw a fit if you run away

you’re his buddy so it's mandatory in his mind to sit with each other at all times

changbin also gets jealous of other coworkers hanging out with you

like someone asks you how your weekend went and he is in a tiff because "i can't believe you're replacing me with them!!!!!!” and you  barely remember their name but you spend 30 minutes cheering changbin up so he stops pouting and does his work

somehow you’ve become a changbin babysitter because really he’s just a goofy little kid

sometimes coworkers will ask you for tips on working with changbin

whenever he’s collaborating with others, he ends up (unintentionally) derailing brainstorms or group meetings by telling a story or making jokes that are the slightest bit related to the conversation at hand

and people love his charm but they also need to do their work

which is why, after you pass one one successful trick, people come to you ALL the time for advice

you’re now known as the changbin expert

changbin finds this out at a company party and while he confronts you for “exposing seo changbin trade secrets” he actually is SO endeared by the fact you’re known for knowing him so well

he shares this with all of his friends because he wants to brag yet again about how you’re the coolest person ever and therefore he is the luckiest person ever

while a lot of the time with changbin is all fun and games, he knows when to take a step back and bring you calm energy or serious moral support

it may not be his default state to refrain from giggling and dancing, changbin cares deeply about your wellbeing and will switch up his vibe according to your mood/needs

absolutely the BEST listener whenever you need to rant

like he books out a (soundproof) conference room so you can talk trash about a project or a person

and the whole time he is agreeing with you wholeheartedly 

if you ask, he’ll offer you solutions, but he’s also willing to simply be a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to whatever’s weighing on your mind

obviously, you thank him for it every time, and he reassures you that it’s just him doing his job

when you remind him of what his actual job is, he says he got promoted to “y/n’s emotional support coworker”

you laugh so hard at this that it becomes an inside joke between the two of you

for his birthday, you get him a nameplate for his desk with that job title, and he loves it so much he nearly cries :-( he shows it off to everyone for weeks and places it prominently on his desk to remind everyone who your #1 fan is :’-)

no one tells you this, but the truth is that, before you started working there, changbin never had the zoomies as often as he does now

for as much as he is known to be your support system, meeting you reinvigorated his presence in the workplace, and seeing you in the morning is enough to turn his mood completely around

that’s why, even on his worst days, changbin wants nothing more than to make you smile even if it means he has to scramble at the end of the day to finish the report that was due the next morning lol because you, without having to try, are changbin’s sunshine <3

[aaizawashouta]

Delicate

pairing: aizawa shouta x fem!reader

word count: 1.1k

summary: sometimes you just need to be taken care of

warnings: just fluff. reader has long hair.

a/n: this is so self indulgent. i don't even care.

Something is wrong the moment the door opens. Actually, something has been wrong since 1:28 p.m. when you didn’t respond to his text message. You never leave him on read, even on your busiest days. Shouta listens as the door locks behind you, as you slide your shoes off your feet. His eyebrows raise when your bag drops to the floor with an echoing thud. His gaze follows you as you amble to your shared bedroom where you disappear out of sight.

It’s silent as he stands in the kitchen, cup of tea in hand. Brows no longer raised, but furrowed. Only slightly relieved when he hears the bath water running. He knows it when he sees it—half the time it’s from his own reflection. Odd being on the other end. Very rarely, if ever, do you get burnt out. Worn down, exhausted, dead on your feet. It never matters, that’s just how you are. But there are times, like today. Shouta sighs, leaving his tea to go cold before trailing after you.

You stand next to the tub staring as you wait for the water to warm up. You’ve got your bra, panties, and one sock on. Your fingers dance under the faucet. It’s been a long day. The only thing that’s kept you going is the man you left in the kitchen. You rub at your chest, pain scraping along your ribcage. Your heart rattles for the comfort only your husband can bring you. It’s not fair, you know that. There’s no way you want him to see you like this. Your temper flares as you think of the prick who ruined your day.

The door opens silently. So caught up in your frustrations you don’t feel the presence of Shouta until cool fingers are wrapping around the back of your neck. You start, turning to look at him over your shoulder. His eyebrows are raised as he takes you in; a peculiar expression on his face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You never jump.” He murmurs before shaking his head.

You follow without a thought, no fuss even though you frown when he pulls you into him. Skilled fingers undoing the clasp at your back. The tension leaves you when Shouta drops to his knees before you. His warm breath against your skin causes goosebumps to erupt. Always so responsive, even to the little things. But that’s not what this is about, not what you need. Shouta peels your underwear down your legs. Teeth digging into your lip to keep yourself from giggling when he pulls off your sock.

A heat spreads through you. Warm and comforting. No, this doesn’t happen often. Where you’re unsure of yourself, overworked, and burnt out. But as you watch him, Shouta, your Shouta, your husband. The one person you never have to hide from. He knows you better than you know yourself, sometimes it’s downright terrifying. He sees you for everything you are and everything you’re not. You feel silly now, trying to hide yourself away from him.

The atmosphere in the bathroom changes then. Shouta gives you a soft smile accompanied by a kiss to your inner thigh. He doesn’t say anything; doesn’t have to. Getting to his feet he moves to the cabinet and grabs your favorite scent of bathing oil. Your bottom lip wobbles a bit. He kisses your forehead as he helps you into the tub. You can’t bite back the moan that escapes you. Your muscles have been coiled so tight all day. The warm water is a welcome balm. Tilting your head back you watch him as he drags the stool over closer to where you are. Shouta gives you a wink, sitting down before pulling your hair out of your face.

It’s silent in the small bathroom, comfortably so. The only sounds coming from Shouta’s hands dipping into the water as he washes your hair. It’s the most relaxed you’ve felt in weeks. Who knew the weight of the world would come crashing down off your shoulders on a Wednesday afternoon? But was it really? Blunt nails scratch at your scalp and you sink a little further into the water. What’s a rough day when you can come home to this?

Your lips tilt up, Shouta’s voice cutting through the silence, your name floating with the steam from the tub. A soft hum of acknowledgment is all he receives.

“Are you going to tell me what happened today?”

A wet shoulder raises and falls, water rippling around you. You stare at your feet, wiggling your blue polished toes.

“There’s a guy at work who’s gunning for my position.”

His hands pause. “You have relations with every hero in the city.”

“I know. It’s not like my position is up for grabs or anything. He’s just a real piece of work. Drives me up a damn wall.” It’s silent for a moment, you sigh. “He’s a misogynist, doesn’t think I’m qualified.”

You can feel Shouta’s glare. Never one to fight your battles, you’re good at doing that yourself. That’s not to say your husband isn’t protective of you.

“Should I stop by for a visit at lunch tomorrow?”

You can’t help but laugh. “I don’t even think he knows what my last name is.”

Shaking your head with a small sigh. You have to admit you do feel better after talking. But you don’t want to talk about it anymore. You don’t want to waste any more of your time on it. That’s tomorrow’s problem. Tilting your head back, you look up at Shouta who looks down his nose at you. Dark eyes swirling with adoration and amusement. He raises an eyebrow when you reach up and tug on his dark locks.

“Will you read to me?”

“I can. Anything in particular?”

“No, just want to hear your voice is all.”

Shouta hums, rinsing out your hair one final time before drawing out the water and letting it hang over the tub behind you. His footsteps are quiet as he leaves the bathroom, only to return a few moments later. The sound of pages turning makes your eyes fall shut. You give it maybe another five minutes before the water runs cold, or you turn into a prune.

“You’re going to have to let me return the favor, Sho.”

“Not tonight sweet girl.”

Your toes curl at the term of endearment. Sinking a little farther into the tub, you doze off lightly in the comfort of your home, and the warmth of your favorite person wrapping around you with every word he reads.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Remember Me? (Part four)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: Under the Mountain, Y/n met the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand. She was scared of him, but soon she found out that he wasn't who he pretended to be. Despite her efforts at not falling in love with him, she fails. It's not that bad as he loves her back.

But now he's gone, and she's left alone with nothing.

Except for a very adorable reminder of him.

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: secret pregnancy, none more that I can think of, so let me know if I need to add anything.

A/n: very small chapter, but I felt like adding more to this part would not be good, so I'll try my best to write the next chapter quickly. Though I will not make any promises as my exams start from Wednesday, and I need to study for them.

•○🌑○•

Y/n glared at the redhead at her doorway.

She wanted to tell him to leave, but she couldn't turn him away now that her son had seen the visitor.

Eris smiled at Fin, stepping closer to the threshold, and Y/n almost slammed the door in his face in a panic that gripped her. Eris's eyes flew to her, and he raised his hands. He gave her a look that said no harm intended.

She hesitantly inched the door open, wondering about what his motives might be in visiting them, especially in the dead of the night. It also didn't help that her son was so eager about a stranger.

She'll have to have a chat with him.

But for now, she let Eris in.

He stepped in, nodding at her before again turning to Fin, grinning.

"It's good seeing you again."

Due to the heavy rain outside, Eris was dripping wet, droplets of water cascading down his body and dropping everywhere from his soaked clothes. And she wouldn't clean it, especially when the person making the mess wasn't welcome.

"I hope you realise you are making a mess. You will be cleaning it."

Eris blinked at her as she shut the door and turned to him, her arms crossed across her chest. "You're talking to me?"

"I don't see anyone else I could be talking to. You are soaked and dripping water everywhere. I will not be cleaning it."

"Oh, alright."

And despite everything, she watched intently as his clothes dried up, his body glowing lightly. Even the small puddle that he had created on the floor hissed and vanished, as if it never existed.

Fin gasped, staring wide eyed at the display of magic. "How did you do that?!"

"It's my magic, young one."

"Really?" Fin stared at the Autumn Court's High Lord in wonder.

"Really." Eris smiled.

"What else can you do?"

"Hmm. I have fire magic, so I can do anything related to it."

Fin giggled, grabbing Eris's hand and tugging him into the living room.

Y/n sighed. She really did need to talk to her son.

She could do that later. At the moment, she decided to follow them. But after she made some tea. It was late, and she could feel a headache coming.

By the time the tea had brewed and she poured it into two cups, Eris had made himself at home on her couch. He was leaning back, nodding along as Fin showed him his toys.

Eris glanced back, realising Y/n was back. He straightened, still nodding along to Fin, but now looking at her.

She set a cup down in front of him, leaning against the doorframe leading towards the staircase that led to their bedroom.

She just watched as Fin and Eris played, Fin mostly running to his toys box, bringing out a new toy, handing it to Eris, and then running back to get something new.

Within a few moments, there was a pile of toys next to Eris on the couch, and never once did he stop paying attention to the little child speaking enthusiastically. He didn't seem to notice anything other than Fin.

Which was cute.

Y/n didn't know where that thought came from, but it did.

•○🌑○•

Y/n sighed. It had almost been an hour since Eris had arrived, and Fin showed no signs of stopping.

Eris had, at some point, begun to make figurines out of his fire magic, making little animals float above his hands before making them run through the air around a giggling and squealing Fin.

By midnight, Y/n's restrain snapped.

"Finnian. Its time for bed. Come on, let's go."

Fin looked up with placating eyes. "Please mama. Just a few more–"

"You better get back to the bedroom young man, before I yell at you. We both know we don't want that." She said, gentle but stern.

His eyes filed with tears and he dropped the toy he was holding in his hand into the box. After that, he simply waddled away.

Y/n watched his every move until he disappeared upstairs, guilt gnawing at her heart. She sighed before turning back to her unwanted guest.

He sat there looking extremely uncomfortable. He sat at attention when her eyes met his, looking ready to bolt.

She walked closer, her arms folded across her chest. He stood up quickly when she entered his personal space.

"Eris." She regarded him coldly. "I don't know what you want with me or my son. I don't know why you are so interested in our lives. But I do know that I will not be tolerating your bullshit until you give me a good reason not to gut you like a fish. You hear me?"

He nodded, opening his mouth. She didn't give him a chance.

"Good. Now get out. And don't show your face until you have a good reason."

She made to turn away, but Eris interrupted her.

"I can't leave. Have you seen the rain outside? I'll catch a cold. And where will I go–"

"There's plenty of places where you can crash for the night. For instance, an Inn in Velaris could surely accommodate you. And as for you being wet, you can perform your little party trick to dry up."

"Come on, it's just for one night! I'll leave in the morning. Please, he would want me to stay."

Y/n sighed deeply. "Eris. Get. Out. If you are so desperate to spend time with my son, then you can come back later. For now, I not letting a practical stranger live under the same roof as my son."

The two of them had a staring competition for a few moments before he caved.

"Fine." He turned away, walking out of the door. She slammed it shut the moment he stepped fully over the threshold.

She leaned back against the door, staring up at the ceiling. Tears of frustration pricked at her eyes.

Why was it always her?

It wasn't fair, her life being filled with hardships.

First she got pregnant with the child of a male she thought loved her, then she had to run away from home when she found out she was with child. She had to live in a cottage all alone, never stepping outside for fear that her father would be waiting to capture her. She raised her son all by herself, knowing nothing about how to care for a baby.

And now, she had run into the father of her child, who wanted nothing to do with her, had no hand in raising the child, but still thought he was entitled to him.

And a practical stranger was so invested in her and her son's life that he was showing up to their door in the middle of the night.

Life was just great.

She let out a frustrated breath before retreating to her bedroom, where she found Fin lying down, facing away from the door. If she hadn't been paying attention, she would have thought that he was asleep.

But he wasn't. She could hear faint sniffling sounds coming from him, and her heart broke in her chest.

She hadn't yelled at him by any means, but she knew she still hurt his feelings.

She slowly tiptoed behind him, lying down and then snaking an arm around his small frame.

"Hey." She whispered. He stayed quiet.

When she tried to tug him back towards her so she could hug him, he wiggled away angrily. "I'm sorry. Could you consider forgiving me?"

He shook his head, his sniffles increasing.

"Please tell me why you are angry my love."

She tried to tug him back again. This time he let her.

He was quiet for a few moment as she combed her fingers through his hair. "You didn't let me play with him. You almost yelled at me."

"I'm sorry for that." And she was sorry. Because she knew it wasn't his fault she was insecure and scared of trusting others. "Really. Please forgive me?"

He turned to look at her, his face red and wet, tears lining his eyes and lashes. "I wanted to play with him mommy."

"You can play with him some other time. It was getting late and you could have gotten sick if you stayed up long. I'm still sorry for almost yelling."

He nodded, scrunching his tiny little face. "Okay. I forgive you."

She held back a grin, feeling bad for wanting to laugh at his despair. No one should blame her though, kids were just funny like that.

"Thank you very much."

"Where is he now?"

"He left. He is staying somewhere else."

"Why? He could have stayed here with us."

"Baby, do you remember what I told ypu about strangers?" When he nodded, she continued. "He is a stranger to you, is he not?"

Fin stayed quiet.

"You should not trust strangers so much."

"But you know him mama. He is not a stranger if you know him right?"

He got her there.

"Yes darling, but I don't know him well. I'm not saying you should not play with him. I'm just saying you should be careful around other strangers. And I am also trying to understand why you like him so much."

He played with his fingers for a couple of moments before answering.

"Because I don't have anyone to play with."

She stilled, then whispered. "What?"

He nodded, not meeting her eyes.

"I don't have any friends, other than Sam and Nyx. And I don't even play with them that much. I feel very lonely mama."

Her heart cracked for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

She realised that in her need to protect her baby from the evil of this world, she had kept him from the happiness and joy too.

And that would simply not do.

"You have me to play with." She pointed out weakly.

"But you have been very busy and you seem very stressed all the time. I didn't want to disturb you."

She beat back the tears that threatened to clog her throat. "I will never be too busy to play with you. And you don't have to worry about disturbing me. Ever." Then, she added. "If it helps, Eris is going to come by tomorrow. I told him he can come to play with you."

She didn't know if that would happen, considering the verbal lashing that she gave him before kicking him out. Though she did hope he came by, because nothing was more important to her than Fin's happiness. And as for his safety, she was there to protect him.

He instantly brightened. "Really?"

Smiling, she nodded. He squealed before burying himself in the pillows, smiling at her.

She just hoped Eris would not leave Velaris without meeting Fin.

•○🌑○•

Part 5

Taglist: @awoa1 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @luvmoo @we-were-beautiful @eerievixen @zoe2 @fussel9913 @j-pendragonx @thesnugglingduck @jesssicapaniagua @devilsnightz @esposadomd @littleffawn @mandowhatnow @bubybubsters @eos-princess @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @nightless @princesslolaasworld @asemkta @cat-or-kitten @txzii @bunnyredgirl @theofficialmadman @leeknows-wife @aria-chikage @amygdtjhddzvb @azriels-mate123 @inky-clover @kemillyfreitas @cult-of-enji-todoroki @moonlwghts @laurenzitaa @wallacewillow0773638 @12358

[peterspinkrobe]

Revelation - Priest!Miguel x Reader [part 3]

Word count: 2,878

Rating/Warnings: mature. Naughty thoughts and naughty bits. Mentions of parental death, religious content, food, soooo much Catholic guilt.

A/N: I’m so glad you guys are enjoying the series so far! No more money in my budget for commissioned art this month, but I did take this picture of St. Phillip’s Church while visiting my uncle in Charleston. Please let me know what you think of this chapter! If you haven’t read part 1 or part 2, go do that first :p

Tagged peeps: @friendlynbhdzero @ceoofghosts @hoelychildofgod @tayleighuh @luckycandykitten @beebslebobs @milkyardbetter @miaasmf @koimess @miggyswhore (sorry if I missed you in the taglist or if it messed up the tag!!!)

There were two things known about your mother: her cooking and her follow through. She was the delegate for church and community event meals; oftentimes in the kitchen doing the work herself alongside people that respected her and her cooking.

Your mother prided herself in her cooking and it kept her going in times of hurt for you both. She was the one baking casseroles to give to neighbors when dad passed. It was you who had to sit her down to eat something most days.

If God had anything to do with her getting better, it was in giving her that ability to provide in a way some overlooked. She buzzed while she worked her talents in the church’s kitchen now. The previously mentioned follow through evident in her meticulous manner of cleaning right behind herself as she cooked.

That follow through was especially true now as she was making sure you followed the rules she had set in place regarding church and attendance. Not only were you going this Sunday since you missed the last service, but you were also helping with the Wednesday church dinner.

You know she wants the best for you. It took you a long time (and a lot of space) to see that she showed it in the ways she knew how, the ways she was raised. You try to sprinkle the amount of salt she showed you earlier onto the massive amount of rolls. Despite your physical presence where she asked, you know your hearts and values don’t lie within the boundaries of shared faith.

You didn’t mind the service aspect of religion though. In fact, you enjoyed assisting your mother when she helped others in the community. You only pretended to follow the ‘good book’ and ‘walk the righteous path’ to spare her. What you had issues with was the institution of religion itself and some probably never-to-be-resolved personal qualms with the man upstairs. First, why did god have to be a man?

You’d never admit these questions and doubts to her, it would devastate her.

You did, however, admit it to someone.

Your confession last Thursday and the fact that Reverend Miguel was on the receiving end of all your revelations had you waking up suddenly in the night this past week - jolting from the bed, a quickening pulse, and sweat dampening the sheets. The concern in his deep, dark-eyed stare from that day stuck with you. You felt shame, guilt, maybe both, or something else unnamed and it kept you from indulging in the pleasure he had so easily made you feel without even being in the room. You still felt tense knots in your shoulders as you worked.

It was easy to feign sickness when you actually felt feverish and drained after you’d let those inner thoughts become spoken truths.. Your mother worried when you wouldn’t come out of your room. When you missed (skipped) church, she showed her concern and care with homemade chicken noodle soup. Moping, unbothered lasted only another day before she was yanking covers off you and having you run errands around town. ‘Getting back on your feet is the first step to feeling better,’ she retorted to your groans early that Monday morning. No more laying out of church…

You had to think of another way to avoid him. A way to steer clear of any sort of confrontation

You thought about moving away, dramatic, yes, but maybe into the city. Not too far from mom, because she needed help more than she admitted. Tonight was a prime example as her usual kitchen hands said they weren’t feeling well. This was helpful in negating any suspicions your mom had of you lying about being ill. Moving wouldn’t be running away, you were an adult.

You had literally run away though. As soon as the reality of who had taken your confession set in, you ran right out of that booth, back into the bustling city, onto the bumpy bus, and curled up into yourself at home. As you’re thinking about the many help wanted signs and rent postings you saw in the city, you hear chatter that interrupts the flow you two had created in the kitchen.

Mom is being pulled away by another member of the church and she instructs you to make two plates for the people who weren’t able to help her with cooking this evening. You’re pulling the last of the vegetables out of the oven and she hovers a moment, uncomfortable leaving you to the important final preparations.

It’s hard not to feel offended. Five years ago you would have rolled your eyes and commented on how if she didn't trust you, you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

“It’s okay,” you assure her as you wash your hands before preparing their plates, “I’ve got this.” You smile gently at her for you know you both need reassurance at times. She pinches her lips together but nods and leaves you alone.

Styrofoam to-go plates were open on the counter, waiting to receive their fill. You eyed the dinner and patted yourself on the back. Mom thought up the meal and did most of the actual ingredient brain power and temperature controls, but you’d done your part as well. It did feel good to do for others even if you still felt down.

A wide pan of meatloaf with a perfect caramelized sauce on top sat as the main course. Alongside it was some cabbage slaw and a broccoli cheddar bake. You make the to-go plates with equal portions and top them each with a roll. Your favorite part were the green onion rolls and you couldn't help but sneak one as the hours of prep and cooking left you famished.

You placed foil over the containers of your mom’s truly famous strawberry cobbler for it to cool when everyone ate. Most of the produce has come from the local farms. You savored the first bite of the fresh roll and marinated on the flavors of home, wondering if you could really leave this behind again.

You’re setting out the plates and silverware for the church members when you hear footsteps behind you. You turn to tell your mom that you’d made the plates, but it’s not her that now joined you in the kitchen.

Tense shoulders, little sleep… you were as tight as a coil ready to spring so you jumped a little when you saw the towering figure as you turned.

Reverend O’Hara’s eyes showed the same concern from last week, but softer. His feet shuffled slightly and he put his hands up as if he had approached an animal in the wild. He had a hesitant, more nervous aura than the suave confidence he usually eluded.

He opened his mouth to speak and you heard him say your name again in that sweet voice…

______________________________________

Standing before you now, Deacon Miguel found himself reflecting on the unexpected confession he heard last week. It was a confession that had stirred within him a mix of emotions and conflicting thoughts.

Miguel had contemplated how to address this delicate situation for it simply couldn’t go ignored. You matter. Your feelings matter. The deacon knew it was crucial that he approach this with compassion and understanding. Faith was a deeply personal journey, and each individual had their own struggles and doubts. Lord knew he’d faced his own in the past and that even if his current standings were solid, they were shaky.

His mind had been consumed by the weight of what he had learned. He couldn't help but feel a profound connection to you when he first placed the communion wafer on your tongue, the tongue that had inadvertently confessed impure thoughts to him. Though your honesty and vulnerability struck a chord within him.

Unbeknownst to you, the deacon struggled with similar doubts and desires. When he heard your confession, his heart weighed heavily with empathy and understanding. Though he couldn’t help the mix of relief in his emotions as well. It was comforting to know he wasn’t alone in grappling with faith, the temptation, and the forbidden attraction that he felt towards you.

Denying his own attraction to you was impossible.

Despite his commitment to his faith and role within the church, he too has found himself captivated by your presence and constantly battled his own desires. Since he’d laid eyes on you that faithful Sunday morning, he’d felt an invisible force bind himself to you. Much like he had bound himself to the service of God Almighty, he found himself wanting to serve you.

Miguel O’Hara couldn’t get that mental image out of his mind. Serving you… The more he tried to control his urges, the harder they became to ignore. He’d been doing what he was told all these many years in the church, abstaining from giving in too much. But no matter how much he tried to uphold the image of chaste, he is merely flesh.

The views of his brothers in Christ were archaic. They forget that the sacrifice of the only Son was done in love, despite our sins. He truly believed that it is natural, God-given even, to experience attraction to fellow flesh. It’s natural to seek a partner in life. He’s human. He’s prone to straying from the path. He is only human. He just hopes that God understands when he asks for forgiveness and repentance.

He struggles with the guilt of falling into temptation when he feels he’ll come undone if he doesn’t allow himself release. He isn’t able to hold back now as much as times prior. Not when you had captivated his spirit.

He also felt guilty for viewing you in the explicit ways that he thought of you. Focusing on the way clothes hugged your body and needing to know what hid in the heaven of your thighs. While Matthew says not to judge others, he also mentions in the Good Book that, “whoever looks […] to lust at someone, has already committed adultery with them in his heart.” If he were to really follow the written word, Miguel would have to pluck out his eyes for his transgressions against you in his mind.

His flesh weakens when he remembers how soft your lips were under the pad of his thumb. The way your eyes looked into his as he cupped your chin.

Cold showers are his usual go-to when it comes to trying to avoid the temptation of touch. His large shoulders hunched slightly when the frigid water fell onto his skin. It’s in vain though each time because his body still radiates heat of passion from thoughts of you. When he looks down at himself, he curses his body’s reaction to thoughts of your mouth. His painfully hard cock begs for your touch. It’s always too much to bear. The tip of him screaming red and leaking despite the cold temperatures.

When he gives in, it’s always too fast. Finally gripping himself the way he’d liked, imagining showing that way to you, he pumped himself with his hand. His grunts steamed the shower even further as he envisioned you with him. Oh, how he longed to feel you and learn you like scripture. His wanton movements force him to brace himself on the shower wall as an image that always brings over the edge flashes his in mind: your legs spread in offering of your own communion. It’s enough to make him see stars as your name echoes in his shower like hallelujahs.

He wishes it wasn’t shame that he felt after. He wishes his comedown was met with comfort from you. He allows the evidence of his shame to wash from himself down the drain, but the feeling is still there. You were more than someone to be lusted over.

While the sexual attraction was strong, he also yearned to know more about you. You’d only revealed little bits of yourself in the confession booth but he was intrigued, nonetheless. He wanted to know more about your conflict with faith, wondered what your childhood was like and what foods you enjoyed, interested in learning your outlook on life. Miguel wanted to learn your personal philosophies as if it were doctrine.

Not seeing you at the previous Sunday service hurt. He understood, given your beliefs, that he couldn’t expect you at church. It wasn’t an attendance issue, which he would not enforce on anyone, but the empty aisle seat in the middle pew made him feel equally as vacant. It didn’t matter to him if you were conflicted or steadfast on Christian values. Matthew 7 held his strongest position on the matter of judgment: it wasn’t his place. He was simply a figurehead of spiritual guidance.

In fact, he had geared his sermon slightly towards you for that Sunday. He couldn’t help the itch to address the issue in a way he was comfortable, through scripture. He didn’t want to convert your faith to Jesus Christ. He wanted to help you restore faith in yourself.

You conjured in him quotes from Corinthians: a book in the Bible that speaks of faith, hope, and love. He carefully highlighted 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 the night of your confession as he crafted his sermon. “[…], our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” Yes… the Bible is literally referencing heaven as the eternal glory, but it’s all metaphorical. “Unseen” was the key word in this theological message. He knew the congregation visualized pearly gates and mansions of clouds as a reward for the pain they experienced on this terrain. What he had hoped you would have gotten to hear was that there were so many possibilities when one had faith in themselves. He wanted to show you the unlocked potential housed within yourself.

He had a lot to say as he stood before you now. There’s so much you need to know, need to hear.

First, you needed to know that you were wrong.

He said your name to get your attention.

But, there wasn’t a sound after that for a moment, until your mother and a few other members of the church came through the double doors.

________________________________________

You snapped out of the trance Miguel had you locked in with the song of your name on his lips when your mom burst into the kitchen with some of her friends.

You reach to get the cups out of a cabinet and simply ignore the deacon for a moment despite the flush in your cheeks. Easily explainable by the heat of the kitchen.

“Everything is ready! Mom, I’ve got two plates ready to go for later. Come on and eat, everyone!” Your mother’s friends all compliment her on her well behaved child and you catch her eyes. There’s no strictness in her expression. She simply beams at you, her child.

Members of the church start calling out, ‘Let’s eat!’, ‘Smells good!’, and mentioning how they knew they were in for a good meal as it was your mom that did the cooking.

As people pour into the serving area and line up, you hear Reverend Miguel’s voice above the hustle of hungry people.

“Before we enjoy this delicious looking food, let us first thank the cooks and then I suppose we should bless the meal, yes?” He was smiling as he said this, as if prayer before a meal was only a formality. It seemed as though the appreciation for you two was what he was after as you watched the church thank your mother and you for your cooking. You shrugged off the bits of praise you received as it really was your mom who did the majority of the work.

An elder member is selected to lead the church in prayer and everyone bows their head. You’re still riding a buzz from the work, not to mention seeing Miguel again after almost a week. You can’t seem to bring your eyes down.

You scanned the room of bowed heads and smiling faces and found the deacon’s gaze on you again. This time, you smiled at him and nodded in appreciation. The prayer concludes and your mother’s smile at the praise makes your heart feel warm. Due to the spotlight on her cooking she was forced to be first to get her plate of food, something she usually didn’t do until after everyone had gotten their own plate. Sometimes after they’d gotten seconds. She had found her a community of support and love.

As the church members started scooping portions onto plates, you saw Reverend Miguel approach you again. He stands by your side and you watch as the congregation gets their food and he leans to his side a little toward you. He speaks in a hushed tone as he asks,

“Can we go somewhere to talk?” You swallow dryly, but his next word nearly knocks you off your feet.

“Alone?”

[lynderman]

𝘼 𝙁𝙤𝙧 𝙀𝙛𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩 (Xavier Thorpe)

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem!Addams!Reader

Word Count: 2.8k+

Date Published: 12/9/22

Synopsis: You’ve always been 2nd place. First place for losers. Attending Nevermore was supposed to change that.

A/N: (I was so confident writing this, and I feel like I went down a rabbit hole because some shit doesn't even make sense. So idk if it’s good or not. It also isn’t proofread 💀)

Part 2

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Vi, are you still free after fencing today? I thought I’d take you up on that offer and go down to Jericho to get-“

“Sorry. I told Wednesday I’d meet her in the nightshades library to look for a certain book.” My smile instantly vanished as he said her name. It’s not that I hate her, no. I could never. We’re best friends! Well, as close as best friends could be to Wednesday Addams. I didn’t have a reason to hate her; But I did have more than enough to be jealous. Ever since we were kids she’s always been able to one-up me.

It started with small things like getting better grades in school. Then to committing higher and bigger crimes. And it eventually reached the point where I felt like everyone in the family preferred her to me. Even my own dad! Her precious ‘Uncle Fester’, the only one who made her smile. He made everyone smile though. Every time he came home from one of his jobs, I’d get a pat on the head and Wednesday would get a hug. His niece got more love and affection from him than his own daughter did.

I thought maybe, just maybe when I came to Nevermore I’d be able to fit in. Be my own person! Make my own friends, be someone who I wanted to be. Not living in the shadows of my cousin; Being known as ‘The other Addams?’ Or ‘Wednesdays’ Cousin!’ And I was for a while. For a whole year I was just known as Me. I wasn’t compared to anyone or told to be better. In fact I was great! Fantastic, even.

I’d made captain of the fencing team, like aunt Morticia. I was first chair in almost all my classes. I had friends of my own and was always asked to hang out. People were interested in me. They wanted me for me. Especially Xavier. God, Xavier. He was drop dead gorgeous. His long hair that framed his face so perfectly. His hazel eyes so full of hope and warmth. The smile that was always on his face when I walked up to him or when we hung out. He made me feel so happy and appreciated. Just loved and seen. I would do anything for him because I know he’d do the same for me!

Or so I thought.

The second that Wednesday showed up to Nevermore, any hopes I had of asking him out or just anything suddenly vanished. Like everyone else in my life, I was soon replaced by her darkening and compelling image. He became so infatuated with her. Our afternoon runs were taken away and replaced with him hanging out with her. He sat through and listened to her crazy theories all day and looked at her like she hung the stars herself. The same way he looked at me once.

My fists clenched my bag and I held back the urge to scream on the spot. Now the one time we were both free was taken away by her again? She wasn’t even a nightshade so that isn’t fair. “Have fun with that. I’ll be by the lake if you feel like I’m worth your time today.” My words seemed to get his attention because he finally looked up from his sketchbook. I caught a glimpse and saw it was an another drawing of Wednesday. He opened his mouth to say something but I walked off before he got the chance to. Or cry. Whichever came first at this point.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The sun shone directly onto my face as I continued to write down the finishing lyrics to my song. My plan for the day was to hang out with Xavier and show him my new music for my violin. He knew I played an instrument but he didn’t know what it was or that I sang. So I thought it’d be a good time to surprise him! But of course my plans were ruined thanks to Wednesday. Again.

Letting out a grunt of frustration, I threw my pen into the lake. “What’d the pen ever do to you?” My attention turned to Xavier’s voice behind me. I listened to the sound of the leaves crunch and stop before he sat down on my blanket beside me. I didn’t ask him to, but I always found it hard to be upset or angry with him. Peering over my shoulder he asked what I’d been writing. “Just some music. I was gonna go back to my dorm and see how it turned out.” He didn’t need to know I wanted him to go back with me.

“Really? Can I see it?” Hesitation filled my body but I still gave him the notebook. His hands flipped through my pages and the words. I prayed to god he didn’t under Latin. “You never told me you write music.” I shrugged and turned back to the lake. “You never bothered to ask.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

We sat at the lake for a while and just talked. It was nice; Feeling like I got my old friend back. The way he laughed at each joke I made and seemed to be genuinely interested in my topics made me realize how hard I’d fallen for him again. “Speaking of hair-“ He reached out to twirl the white strand in my black head of hair between his fingers. “Did you just decide it was a cool fashion statement or something?” I laughed lightly and shook my head.

“No, no. Back in 6th grade I was doing a science experiment, Y’know the one where you dissect frogs right? I was cutting him open and i just electrocuted myself without realizing it. That’s when I found out I’m like my dad. The whole lightning and shit. But I can do this weird thing with weather too where-“ I paused when I realized I was getting off track. “Anyways. I zapped myself and some shit happened with my hair when I did. It was only this piece though.” Laughing I turned the other way and buried my head into my knees. “I’ve tried to dye it back but it never works. All the other kids would make fun of me and say I’d get cancer or go bald. I dunno why though, that doesn’t make sense.”

What didn’t make sense was that I was basically Trauma dumping on Xavier for no reason. All he asked about was my hair and got some sob story in return. There was silence for a moment. I knew I overshared and he’d think I’m just some attention whore. It took me by surprise when he put his hand on mine, making me turn to face him. “I think it’s cool. Makes you stand out.” The blush that spread across my face was inevitable. Like an idiot I asked: “Really?”

A smile broke out in his face as he nodded. “Do you still wanna go to Jericho? The shuttle leaves in about 20 minuets? We can go to the weathervane and maybe check out that new music store?” My stomach was filled to the brim with butterfly’s, warmth spreading throughout it. Play it cool, play it cool. Don’t freak out. Just say that sounds fun. “Yes! Of course. I’d love to.” I mentally face palmed myself with the joy in my voice. It felt like a movie moment. Was this him asking me out on a date? Xavier finally got the balls to be the one to initiate it? No thoughts were going through my mind as my body leaned closer to his, him doing the same.

I could smell his cologne and feel his breath on my face; A mere 6 inches between my lips and his. Just as mine were to meet his, a phone rang. His phone. He blinked and apologized before picking it up.

“Hello? Enid? Since when did you call me? No, I’m not. She was busy so I’m at the lake, hanging out with-“ Xavier paused as Enid’s voice rose over the line, his brows furrowing as she spoke. I couldn’t hear what was going on. “Yeah, sure. Give me 7-8 minuets and I can. The quad or the courtyard? Mhm, sure.” He lowered his phone and hung up. “What’d Enid call about?” Standing up he began to brush himself off. “Wednesday asked her to call me since she doesn’t ‘want to be a slave to technology’. Said something about her finding a new lead on the monster and to meet her in the nightshades library.”

“But didn’t you earlier?” He shook his head. “No, she needed to do something else and talk to someone.” My lips pursed and watched as he grabbed his sketchbook from beside my bag. “Can we uh- rain check on Jericho?” All the butterflies and warmth my stomach were replaced with dread and insect repellent. “Again?” I muttered. “It’s nothing personal, I just need to-“

“No it never is with you is it? I mean do you even care about anyone or anything other than Wednesday?” The words left my mouth before I could process what I said. “Sorry?” Now I was standing up, arms crossed as I spoke. “Sorry? Oh shut up; Stop playing dumb. We both know you’re not so don’t try to bullshit your way out of this.” He took a step closer to me and looked down, irritation and confusion clouding his eyes. “What’re you talking about? What’s this even coming from? Why’re you getting so worked up about us hanging out?” Scoffing I took a step back from him.

“I’m getting worked up about this because you hang out with her all the time and not me! I’m constantly being ditched and put to the side cause you wanna go waste your time who doesn’t give a single fuck about you!”

“Don’t say that. She does but just act-“

“Acts distant and cold? Stand-offish and uninterested? She’s like that with everyone. What makes you think you’re any different to her? Do you think you’re special or some shit? Wednesday’s been like this her entire life and she’s certainly not going to change for some moron of a dude.” Xavier’s face only showed confusion as I spoke. “Oh come on. Don’t tell me you can’t put two and two together? Wednesday Addams; (Y/n) Addams? How many Addams’s in this school do you know? If you named more, I wouldn’t be surprised since you seem to pay attention to everyone else other than me.” “Not everything is about you (Y/n).” He snapped.

“You’re right. It’s not! It’s always about Wednesday. Everything is. It’s always ‘Oh, have you seen Wednesday? I’m looking for her.’ Or ‘Do you wanna see this new drawing of her? It looks better than the last!’ Anything that comes out of your mouth is about her! Have you ever noticed how you put me next to her? Below, If you will. She plays cello and you draw her. I play violin, but you never bothered to ask because you’re too busy talking about how good she sounds. You go with her to Jericho to get coffee while I’m left behind doing schoolwork. Everywhere I go I’m beneath her. I’m compared to her, I’m belittled because I’m not as edgy or mysterious as she is. My family seems to like her more too. My own father loves her more than me! Can you imagine that, Xavier? Having to live in the shadow of your little cousin because she’s so much better than you at everything? I thought the name I made for myself at Nevermore would stick! I’d have my own friends and interests and not be known as the other Addams girl. I thought that I could get away and have shit of my own! BUT NO. I CAN’T.”

The air around me felt chilly and vast, a small breeze inclining as my voice got louder. “But it’s never going to happen. Everyone will always choose her over me. I’ll always be second to her. And it’s not fair. It’s not. I try to hard at everything. Especially when making friends. I’m almost on my knees trying to get people to approach me but she just has to stand and glare at people and suddenly they’re wrapped around her finger. Like you. You’re just another string waiting to be pulled by her; Following and doing what she says like a lost puppy. You look at her with such admiration and longing in your eyes. Maybe if you turned your head the other way and fixed your eyesight, you’d see that’s how I look at you! If you weren’t so fucking blinded by her borderline manipulative tendencies you’d notice I’m the way with you you are with her.”

My hands were moving with immense exaggeration as I spoke. The feeling of static shooting through my veins when I threw them down to my sides in anger. “Look, I’m sorry. Why don’t we talk about this and-“ A short circuit of lighting extended from my fingers when I held my hand up to him. “This isn’t a two way conversation right now. It’s one where you listen to every word I say because that’s all I’ve ever done for you, especially ever since Wednesday’s gotten here-“

Speak of the devil, and she’ll arrive. Looking to my left I could see her standing a few feet away from us. “I think your feelings for Xavier are getting in the way of our goal, (Y/n).” I deadpanned. “Our goal?” She didn’t answer my question, only asking another one in its place.

“How would your father feel if he knew you were letting your emotions get the better of you?”

“Gee, I dunno. Why don’t you ask him since he was with you early in the nightshade’s library!” She said nothing. “He finally shows up after being on the run again and stops to say hi! Not to his daughter, but his niece.”

“It’s not my fault if Fester approached me and not you.”

“It’s never your fault is it? Nothing ever is. You’re just perfect Wednesday who’s above all others. Especially her cousin who’s done everything in her power to help her with her bullshit conspiracies. I’ve been on your side since day one. Believing in your shit when no one else would. And how do you thank me? By stealing the few people I have In my life away from me. Again and again. It’s a never ending cycle. And I never bother to break it because we’re family, Wednesday.” The overwhelming emotion of anger and hatred died down, the slight breeze fading completely. Now it was just cold and quiet. Water began to drop onto my clothes and belongings. When I looked up I realized It was raining; But only on me. As cliché as it sounds, there was a small storm cloud hovering above my head. Hence the weather thing I was telling Xavier about earlier.

“Do you know what you struggle with, (Y/n?).” Laughing, I faced Wednesday again. “No, but I’d love to hear your piercing insight on it!” “You don’t know when to turn your emotions on and off. You let them consume and confuse you. How you’re just a fool with a slow heart; Putting out love for others only to never get any back.” The rain became heavier as she spoke, each drop hitting harder against my face. “I understand that emotions are a foreign concept for you, Wednesday, but you don’t have a right to talk about mine if you don’t have any.” Is what I’d like to have said. But it isn’t. It was more along the lines of:

“Maybe you’re right. I do love too much because no one has ever given me any. I hope that one day you’ll think about all of the love I’ve given you, and maybe feel generous to reciprocate it.” Turning from her I grabbed my bag off the now drenched blanket and sling it over my bag. “The same goes for you, Vi. When you come to your senses and realize that I have and will still do anything to get a small sliver of your validation or time, my dorm room door will be open.” I meant to passive aggressively hand him his sketchbook back, but it was really just me shoving it into his chest. I didn’t dare look back at the two as I literally stormed off into the forest.

The sun still was shining around me even as I made my way back to the courtyard, through the quad, and up to my dorm. The cloud only got bigger when I was alone in my dorm room. Sitting in my shower I thought. Thought about how Wednesdays’ right. Despite ending up with nothing, I’ll still give everyone else everything I’ve never gotten in hopes someone will one day do the same.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[wheneverfeasible]

~Wiggly 🧠 🪱 Wednesday~

Eeee thank you for the tag @hotluncheddie, this is my first brain worm tag and that’s super exciting, buuuttttttt…

So I actually just realized that I’ve recently hit the anniversary time of when I went No Contact with my family, and I know that that I’ve began kinning Steve more since then due to his own terrible family.

So then I was thinking about Steve, who it’s been years since he walked away from his family, since he found his true family, and he’s doing okay for himself. Maybe not an amazing career or anything, but he’s found something that he’s relatively happy with and he’s got people who love him in his corner and yeah, sometimes it still hurts, but he’s moved past it all.

Until one day, completely unexpectedly, his mom comes into his place of business.

Maybe they threw him out, maybe he left of his own choice because he realized that they would never be what he wanted or needed them to be. They never truly knew him and never cared about him, at least not enough to ever choose him over anything else, so it hurt but ultimately it wasn’t hard to leave them, only hard to leave the life he used to know.

He and Robin were roommates now, because obviously, and it was a shitty little place, but it was theirs, and they’re happy, and their friends are over all the time to the point that Eddie practically lives there too, which is…nice.

Really nice.

Steve has come to accept the fact that he isn’t entirely straight, and part of that is the reason he no longer speaks to his family, and he’s even come to terms with the fact that he might have a teensy tiny itty bitty little crush on his best friend, Eddie Munson. Which is fine. He’s used to having crushes on friends and having them be unreciprocated.

Except Eddie has been sending him some signals that maybe it’s not entirely unreciprocated. And he’s starting to feel confident, starting to feel like maybe he could actually be genuinely happy with someone…

And that’s when he sees his mom. It’s been years since he last saw her, but suddenly all that pain and hurt he thought he had grown past is tearing through his chest and up his throat and he feels his heart rate accelerating and his breathing is growing choppy and he can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t breathe—

He’s thought about, before, what he would tell his parents if he ever saw them again. About how he would call them out for being terrible people who never cared about him, only saw what he could offer them, about the image they wanted to show the world. Wanted to tell them of all the times he’s almost died and they never knew because they never cared enough to ask why he’d come home bruised and bloodied, or why he avoided the pool, or why he woke up screaming from nightmares. He thought about how good it would feel to say how he never needed them.

But he can’t say any of that now. All he can do is try not to pass out from hyperventilating because they were his family, his parents, and they should have loved him unconditionally but they never did. They never chose him over their friends, their jobs, their image. They never loved him and never would. They would never truly know him or accept him and all he wanted was for them to say that they were sorry and they never would.

Steve would like to think he could face his mother, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t he just couldn’t. So he hides, he runs, he disappears into the back and he can’t stop the tears because why was he never good enough for her or his dad? What was so wrong with him that they couldn’t love their own son?

And there’s no sort of resolution for him, no closure.

He finishes his shift, he goes home, and Robin and Eddie are there just like they were when he left that morning, and their immediate smiles at him being home slowly drops because even though he tries to hide it, they know.

He doesn’t want to talk about it, can’t talk about it, not yet. He does tell them that he saw his mom that day and he loves them because they get it, they understand, and they don’t make him talk about it. Robin makes him his favorite snack and drink, Eddie finds that movie he knows is Steve’s comfort movie and puts it on, and they don’t talk about it but they’re there.

And, curled against Eddie’s side with silent tears dripping off his nose and onto Eddie’s shirt, Eddie’s arm around him while Robin keeps him grounded with a hand caressing his leg on his other side, they let him mourn not what he lost, because he never had it to begin with, but what could have been.

And maybe, maybe one day Steve will be brave and tell Eddie what he means to him, but he’s too fragile at the moment. It will remain unspoken for now because he’s not ready. But maybe one day. And maybe that day is sooner, maybe that day is later, but there in his friends’ unconditional love, he knows that they’ll both wait for him to be ready.

Because his parents should have been his family but they’re not. They never were. And maybe he wasn’t ready yet, but one day he would be able to let them go because he knew that what he had with him right now was his real family, and that love was forever.

Yeah anyways the song Matilda by Harry Styles hits a little too close to home for me, and I think it’s fitting for Steve too.

no obligation tags since Wednesday is over but there’s always next week lololol: @derythcorvinus @stervrucht @katyawriteswhump

[talesofesther]

scorch marks | ch 2

Wednesday Addams x Reader

Series Summary: Wednesday has been careful to keep what you two have behind closed doors and far away from labels; but when someone starts to take it — take you — away from her, she realizes how much she cares.

A/N: Not much to say here, just that I hope you like this part and let me know your thoughts. <3

Masterlist | Read ch 1 here

It was an awful day outside.

The sky was all baby blue and the sun was shining warmly over the lake's water. Wednesday could see everyone running around all the way from the round window of her dorm.

She liked to keep as far away from the commotion as possible on days like these. But Enid had other plans when she dragged her roommate outside, going on about how sad it was to be cooped up inside on a day like this.

Though Wednesday was quickly ditched when Ajax came into the picture, and that's when she spotted you.

It was genuinely, annoyingly, one of the most beautiful sights Wednesday had ever witnessed. You were leaning back on your elbows under a huge tree, lips moving softly into words she couldn't know; your skin was mostly hidden from sunlight, but a few rays still managed to catch your hair, painting the strands into a golden glow as the glistening of the lake's water in front of you framed your profile. It almost got Wednesday enjoying the bright and warm weather for a second, but the rest of the world came back into focus when her gaze settled on the girl beside you.

Why did it look so intimate? Why was Yoko touching you with such grace? Why did you let her?

Wednesday had always been observant, noticing details to a minimum to find weaknesses and points of advantage, so of course, she noted how your sunglasses matched the ones the vampire was wearing. Wednesday caught her mind wandering as to how it happened; were you in her dorm room when you took them? Did Yoko put them on you, her hands touching the apples of your cheeks as she did so?

She kept her distance to keep her heart safe, so why does it hurt so much to be this far away now? Why is it so awful to see you with someone else, so happy and lively? Why does Wednesday feel like you're being stolen from her, when you're not even hers, to begin with?

There were so many goddamn questions flooding Wednesday's mind and making her feel less and less in control. It got her clenching her fists, breath coming out shallow as she nagged on her bottom lip until the metallic taste of blood brushed her tongue.

Goody warned that she was destined to be alone, so maybe she shouldn't be surprised if one day someone else gets to keep you. Doesn't mean she needs to like it, or go down without a fight.

With each step Wednesday took towards you, the more she hated herself, because it felt childish and naive, maybe even futile. But deep inside her little black heart, she also knew she would never stop torturing herself about it if she just turned away.

So she played her cards, and now that you were walking side by side with her — your shoulder bumping into hers because the concept of personal space changed when it was just you and her — Wednesday's lips parted with a long sigh she'd been holding since laying eyes on you on that picnic blanket.

Dead leaves and branches snapped under her boots, the bee keeper's shed slowly coming into view amidst the dense trees. She glanced at you, blinking slowly as her features softened for you, for you, for you always.

"What did you need me for?" You eventually asked, all innocent curiosity and flushed cheeks from the sun.

"Eugene wanted you to check on the new hive." Wednesday lied easily.

"Are the bees okay? Did something happen?" The look in your eyes mimicked the urgency of your tone.

Wednesday rolled her eyes, though the action held more adoration than anything else. "That's the whole point of checking in on them, is it not?"

The old wooden door of the shed creaked as she opened it for you and let it close again once you were both inside; it was a little darker, stripes of sunlight coming in through the cracks and holes in the walls, illuminating the organized mess of the shed.

"Touche," you mumbled, making a beeline for the new bees that were still settling in. You and Eugene liked to keep them inside for a while before relocating them to their definitive hive outside, especially when a new Queen is added.

You could feel the weight of Wednesday's gaze on your back the whole time as you checked the little ones with a faint smile, and when nothing out of the ordinary was noticed, you started to wonder — to hope — that maybe this didn't have anything to do with the bees at all.

There was shuffling behind you, steps coming closer to you yet slow and hesitant in their movement. You would have known it was Wednesday even if she wasn't the one who brought you here. From this close, the feeling of her was unmistakable; it was almost like your soul already knew the shape of hers.

You felt a touch, a barely there graze of fingertips on your elbow. You knew that it was Wednesday's silent plea for you to focus on her. Solemnly.

Oh.

You turned around, twisting on your heels and almost forgetting how to breathe, she indeed came closer, you noted.

You didn't want to look desperate — Wednesday was closer, her perfume numbing all your other senses; there was a lock of her hair slightly caught on her lips, the freckles over her nose and cheeks much more apparent — though it took everything on you to not cup her cheeks and pull her closer still.

A beat passed with you wondering whether she'd ever feel the same — with you not knowing she was already in just as deep, if not deeper, than you — watching how the slivers of light reflected off of her dark irises, how her eyebrows relaxed and her lips quirked in the faintest of smiles. With time you came to know her mannerisms, the little telltale of emotions on her that you adored, that you could spend hours admiring. This was new.

"You're so pretty," the words came out in a breath before you could hold onto them.

They got Wednesday blinking multiple times, as if a dandelion had been blown in front of her, its petals grazing her cheeks, leaving testimonies of affection and delicacy.

You wondered if she liked the feeling, or if it got her nauseous and annoyed.

Wednesday breathed in deeply, her tongue running over her bottom lip in motion that you followed. She wasn't looking at you as she said; "I remember the last time we were alone here," she spoke carefully, at the same time that her thumb curled around the belt loop of your shorts.

From her avoidance to look into your eyes to the way she insisted on touching you, it was somehow foreign territory. From all the other times you've sneaked away with Wednesday, this is easily the most intimate.

"I like that memory." Wednesday finished, tone dripping with something sweet, akin to honey but better.

Before you could even think, your fingertips were already tracing the outline of her jaw, like a satellite following the pull of gravity. You'd never heard her say anything that resembled attachment, let alone this. Part of you wanted to ask what triggered it, or where was the punchline.

Wednesday kissed you first; lips tender against yours as her nose nudged your cheek. Her urge got you stumbling backward until your back hit the shelf behind you.

You forgot any and all types of rational thinking.

————

"No," you grumbled, closing the bottle of nail polish, "no, stop fucking complaining, you're the one who asked me to do this."

You were laying on your belly on top of Wednesday's bed, her plush, comfy black comforter wrinkling slightly with the way Thing was gesturing erratically in front of you.

"And, I made it pretty clear I wasn't the best at it," you raised an eyebrow at him. Just because it was a little smudged on the sides doesn't mean he has to make a big deal out of it. The dark purple does look nice with his skin.

"Wednesday, tell him how it looks nice."

The raven-haired girl carefully picked up a filled page off of her typewriter and laid it down on the pile by her side. She spared a half-second glance towards you and Thing before inserting a new page to resume the noisy typing of her novel. "It looks dreadful."

You groaned exasperatedly, burying your head under the covers.

"I love it." Wednesday finished.

"Well there you have it," you hummed, clumsily getting up from her bed, "at least someone likes it."

Thing relented, signaling to you that it wasn't that bad.

It got you chuckling, for only a hand, he was quite something. With your palm over your chest, you mouthed a thank you to him before turning to Wednesday.

She was focused on her writing; her eyebrows just a tad furrowed, eyes sharp over the ink that was set on paper, her lips pulled thin as her fingertips skillfully pressed over the letters. Selfishly, you wanted to pull out your phone and take a picture, stash away this memory just for you. She probably wouldn't like that though, and as your mother used to tell you; memories exist outside of time. You could be back here and now anytime you wanted.

Some might think that Wednesday's side of the room is morbid and dead compared to the burst of colors that is Enid's side. You saw it differently; her hoodie was thrown over the bed, from earlier when she came in; there is a potted cactus sitting on the bedside table, beside the big round window, you gave it to her a few weeks ago and it still a vivid green; her cello rests beside her wardrobe, its case half open from when she practiced last night; the bin from under her desk is almost overflowing with balls of paper, signs of a dead end on her novel that she, apparently, has just found a way around.

If you look closely enough, Wednesday's side of the room is just as full of life as Enid's is. Each corner has a little bit of her, of her personality for you to discover. And just recently you've been allowed to. Honestly, it's still a little overwhelming.

You've been in her room before, countless times because of Enid, but never because Wednesday had invited you. It caught you by surprise when she — in her own nonchalant and cryptic way — asked you to come back with her a few days ago. A part of you always thought she would never want to entangle your personal lives more than they already were, so it did catch you a bit off guard when she yanked you from Yoko's side in the hallway and just… didn't let go.

Every day since, you've been spending more time by her side. None of you had quite addressed why yet.

You slowly walked to Wednesday's side, with every three clicks of the typewriter you took one step. Your gaze shifted from her to the recently written pile of pages on the desk.

Wednesday's fingers hovered over the buttons when she noticed you looking. She strived to keep her face impassive even when her breathing felt stuck to her throat.

Shit. She thought to herself, did you have to come snooping right when that page is on the top?

"Is there a new character in your novel?" You asked, lightly tracing your fingertips over the black ink, mainly over the lines in which Viper was described holding the hands of an unnamed girl.

Wednesday got up in a quick motion, her chair harshly scrapping the dark wood floor as she stepped in front of you, blocking your view of her story. "No, I… She's not important." She explained, looking at you through her eyebrows in an almost daring way.

You were about to open your mouth to inquire more, but three knocks on the door stopped you.

Both you and Wednesday looked towards it. She took a step away from you, her back bumping the desk and causing a few pencils to roll over, as if just realizing how close you two were — as if you'd never been much closer than that.

Wednesday cleared her throat, taking swift steps to the door and pulling it open only to reveal Yoko on the other side, round sunglasses resting above her nose and a cheeky grin on her dark-painted lips.

"What do you want?" Wednesday all but growled, her knuckles going white around the door handle.

"I'm here for that one," Yoko gestured towards you, before tilting her head so her eyes could properly find yours, "due date is next week Y/N, last I checked we're still a pair, come on lovergirl."

The nickname held no bad intentions other than to tease you for suddenly being glued to Wednesday's side. But if looks could kill, Wednesday would have Yoko six feet under already.

Begrudgingly, you picked up your backpack, giving Thing a fist bump before walking to the door.

You stopped by Wednesday, naturally reaching out to touch the back of her hand with yours. Her skin was all silk-like smooth as you hooked your pointer finger with hers.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" You asked only for her to hear.

Pathetically, Wednesday dreaded the thought of you leaving with someone else. She only nodded, giving your finger a barely-there squeeze before you walked away.

And when Yoko put an arm around your shoulders, she almost knocked the whole building out of place with the way she slammed her door.

————

The smell of coffee and freshly baked goods was ever-present in Weathervane, the place held this warmth to it, all cinnamon and brown sugar. Maybe that's why it was your favorite place in town.

You and Yoko sat by one of the booths beside the big glass windows, watching the people walk by on the sidewalk as a light drizzle painted the streets a darker color.

Your spoon clicked against your mug every time you mixed up your cappuccino. There was a small frown on your eyebrows, your back hitting the plush fabric of your seat; "yeah but like, why?"

Yoko let go of the straw in her drink with a pop, she shrugged, "not sure."

"So someone just told you oh by the way if you eat anything with garlic you might just end up in the hospital, and you just went with it no questions asked?" You tilted your head to the side as a puppy would, a faint smile coming to your lips.

"I mean," the vampire leaned back, strands of her straight hair going over her sunglasses, "back then I didn't give much of a shit, and since then it has happened to me enough times that I know it's true so, no I never asked about the whys."

A waiter passed by you holding a recently baked pie, the warm smell of apples invading your nostrils. You briefly considered ordering a slice. "I'd be curious about the whys." You mumbled, your lips grazing the edge of your mug before you took a sip.

Yoko smirked, her fangs prodding at her lower lip, "look it up then."

"We have, there's nothing."

"That's because it's something we know since the dark ages."

You hummed, "talk about blind trust."

Placing your mug on the table, you lazily turned your head to the side to look out into the street, only to be met with the piercing eyes of Wednesday staring right into your soul from the other side of the glass window.

Your hand bumped into your mug with the way you jumped in your seat, spilling a bit of your drink, "shit," you cursed under your breath, hearing the pounding of your heart in your ears.

"Don't scare me like that," you exclaimed to Wednesday, motioning wildly to the cappuccino stain on the table.

All the raven-haired girl did was raise an unimpressed eyebrow at you, probably not understanding a word of what you were saying.

"You two, I swear to god…" Yoko giggled, watching you amusedly.

"Don't." You pointed a finger at her.

From the sidewalk, Wednesday visibly huffed before turning around to carefully make her way inside.

"Yeah, I'm gonna take that as my cue to go to the bathroom, because she," Yoko told you, finishing her drink before gesturing behind her to where the bell above the door dinged as Wednesday came in, "looks like a damn storm cloud."

"Yeah very funny," you whispered back, to which you only received a salute from Yoko as a response as she walked away.

Wednesday made her way around the tables and to you, her arms straight by her side and face impassive. Her eyes never left you, she choose to sit beside you on the booth instead of in front of you, her shoulder brushing yours as her hands rested neatly on her lap.

"Hey you," you smiled something shy, feeling the familiar way your cheeks warmed up and your stomach filled with butterflies for having her this close. "I'm happy you're-"

"I couldn't find you at school," Wednesday stated before you could finish, her gaze sneaking from your eyes to your lips.

Your hands became slick with perspiration, words tangled at the tip of your tongue. She was looking for you, came all this way for you. Maybe it shouldn't have made you as happy as it did.

"You were looking for me?" You dared ask, tone filled with tender hope and something else, all warm and sweet, a feeling you've been trying to keep at bay since she first kissed you.

Wednesday gulped, her jaw tensing as she averted her gaze with a slow blink. One of your hands was resting on top of the table, fidgeting with the edge of a napkin; was it too bad that she felt like holding it?

"I uh- I'm sorry I didn't say anything," you said when she didn't answer, "Yoko wanted to go out for a bite and asked me to tag along."

There was an instant coldness to you when Wednesday shifted on her seat, separating her shoulder from yours, "she asked you out?"

"I mean, yeah but-"

"And you said yes?"

Your lips hung open for a beat where you simply looked at Wednesday; her dark eyes shining under the orange lights, droplets of rain still clinging to her black hair, and for the first time, no walls up around her heart. But maybe it was your fault that it was not for the right reasons.

Wednesday breathed through her nose, it sounded much like a sniff and she hated it; "don't let me spoil your date." She got up so fast that she was halfway to the door when you scrambled to go after her.

"Wait, Wednesday wait," you called, jogging to catch up to her and almost knocking over a guy who was carrying two big mugs of hot chocolate.

You took hold of her hand without thinking, walking around her to block her path a second before she reached the door handle.

She didn't return the hold you had on her hand and it stung, but you carried on almost desperately; "not a date. This is not a date, you don't have to be jealous or-"

"I don't care." Wednesday yanked her hand away, her words so cold that she almost convinced herself that they were true. "The fact that you could even think I would feel anything remotely close to that for you is ridiculous at best."

It was already a scene, you and Wednesday could feel the not-so-discreet eyes of almost all the customers on you, forks with pieces of pie and mugs with coffee stopped midair as they watched the show.

You involuntary curled in on yourself because of the unwanted attention. Wednesday didn't seem to mind.

"Please can we talk about this somewhere else?" You asked quietly, your sneaker tapping the floor rhythmically.

"There's nothing to talk about." Wednesday simply said, but the words were pushed out forcefully, bitter on her tongue and razor-sharp around her already bleeding heart. They hurt, but at least this was a pain that Wednesday could control.

You took a step closer to her, hands itching to touch her in any way but she took a step away from you.

"We have nothing worth talking about."

With that Wednesday walked around you and into the now pouring rain, leaving behind everything that could've been.

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Read ch 3 here

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are very much appreciated. <3

Wednesday’s taglist: @milkiane @bookfrog242 @heelaechan @imagine-reblog @gayestfeels26 @sakurarukas @bluetreecloud20 @the-night-owl-blr @angel-luv-04 @imlike-so-gaydude @user284747 @dreifhraniquo29 @emeraldevan @kylobensgirl @witchyhs-blog @tobylikesfire @simp4nat @boobabietch @impossibleliv1031 @deadpool-in-a-snood @rainbow-love4ever @astancomerbelova

@justyourwritter69 @natashaxwife @fieldofsecretss @faunusrubyrose @darkblueeyedperson @jujuu23 @part-timetraveller @athenablack1959 @loki-is-loved @oh-thats-cute @straweberries

[shadowynn]

| the paradigm complex | five |

pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader

genre: yandere!vampire!cult!poly! ateez au

warnings: yandere behavior, some cursing, mentions of violence, manipulation, toxic relationships, mentions of blood

(also, wanted to run over one last warning/disclaimer/important note (??) but i just wanted to state for the record somewhere, that while consent might seem a bit dubious at times in this work, i want to make it clear that sexual consent will never be anything but absolutely clear. while, i don't plan on making any of my works very nsfw, things may be hinted towards at times. and though it's very clear that the relationships in this story are anything but healthy and people may be a bit grabby at times, consent will always be given. (and good, clear consent, not manipulated consent) just wanted to stick this in somewhere in case this is something that is triggering for you. if, and when, the reader sleeps with anyone in this work, they will do so fully consenting in their right mind.)

wordcount: 11.7k

a/n: okay, okay, first thing, first. go up and read the additional warning up above if you skipped it and ended up here. just an important note i wanted to talk about before this chapter. if you're done there, then the next thing i want to say is that i apologize for all the eurovision references in this part. i started writing this part shortly after the competition this year and couldn't stop myself from adding them in. if you're interested in which songs they are, i'll add a link here at the end of this with the playlist i pretty much listened to the whole time writing this chapter and imagine mc's hype up playlist to be. other than that, i guess i just want to once more thank you all for your support and love. i'm always so blown away by you all and could never express just how thankful i am for you all. as always, i hope you enjoy. <33

mc's hypelist

| four | five | six |

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

At first, you believed it to just be your anxiety getting the better of you, growing worse as Monday went on and crept closer to the time your ex-boyfriend would find the letter you left him. It wasn’t unnatural for you to feel sick when you were stressed, but it was never anything more than some mild nausea that passed once your nerves had settled. Not only did your nausea persist throughout the day and into the night, but it was slowly accompanied by a fever, uncontrollable chills, and terrible body aches.

The night was nothing short of a hazy, fever dream. You tossed and turned inside your bed, drifting in and out of sleep as your mind floated from one unfortunate series of events to the next, the dreams which haunted your head vivid enough for you to struggle determining them from reality.

When you finally woke up, you had been drenched in sweat and feeling much worse than you had the night before. Every single muscle in your body seemed to ache, and despite your body burning from the fever, you were terribly cold, shivering beneath the blankets you had piled over your body. Worse of all, your throat burned, but no matter how thirsty you felt, nothing stayed down for long. Even the smallest sip of water made your stomach roll, causing you to spend the majority of Tuesday wrapped up in a blanket on your bathroom floor. 

Wednesday went no differently than Tuesday. At some point in the haze, you thought you might have heard a knock at your front door, but you didn’t have the strength to get up from your corner in the bathroom to go downstairs and check. Your phone buzzed shortly after when a call came through, but you weren’t able to reach for it in time to answer, lost in the mound of blankets surrounding you. When you finally found it, you saw that it had been Mingi who had called alongside a plethora of other messages you had missed in your semi-concurrent state over the past day and a half. You thought about answering the text message he had left alongside the missed call, wanting to tell him you were fine, but your stomach rolled, forcing you to drop everything and empty whatever was left in your stomach at this point. 

“y/n?” 

The sound surprised you, but not quite as much as when your eyes glanced up and found a familiar figure standing in the open doorway to your bathroom.

“Mingi?” If it wasn’t for how terrible you currently felt, you might have felt self-conscious of your current physical state, but you didn’t have the energy to do so. Your brain could barely wrap around the fact Mingi had come into your apartment, let alone what sort of implications it might have had. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in.” He kept his distance from you when he spoke. “You weren’t answering your phone and I was worried, so when your door was unlocked...”

“No, it’s fine-” you began, but was cut off as a wave of nausea hit you once more. 

Mingi was at your side in a heartbeat, fingers tickling the back of your neck as he pulled your hair out of the way for you. Somewhere inside your mind you were aware of the action. Of how close he was to you and how embarrassing the interaction was for you, but his touch was cool against your feverish skin and you did little more but lean into it when he reached out for your forehead once your stomach had settled.

“Sorry, I’m-“

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” His voice was soft, hands brushing back the sweaty strands of hair stuck against your forehead. “You’re burning up, so why don’t we get you back into bed, huh?” It wasn’t so much a question as it was a statement, hands already moving downwards to help lift your body. “Then I’ll get you some water as well as something to help deal with the nausea.” 

You were too weak to argue, and far too out of it to feel embarrassed at the amount of support you needed from him to get back on your feet. He guided you the short distance over to your bed without complaint, maneuvering the blankets and pillows around to best support you. Once you were comfortably situated, he left you be for just a moment to go fetch the materials he had spoken of earlier.

It was hard to tell how long he was gone, having drifted off to sleep shortly after he left your side. You were only vaguely aware of someone gently shaking you awake later on, and helping you down whatever contents were in the bottle he brought. This time around, it went down with little resistance, cool and refreshing against your parched throat. 

“Don’t worry, love,” Mingi’s voice was soft as he spoke, hand once again hovering over your forehead, “it’ll all be over soon.” 

You weren’t sure when he left, or if he had ever even been there at all, drifting back to sleep shortly after. The dreams that followed were even stranger than the nights before, more vivid and intense than anything before, almost fully leading you to believe you had imagined Mingi being there. Everything about them felt real, down to the fingers that fluttered along your arms and legs, cool to the touch from the heat of your fever, and the lips that ghosted along after them. If you had been in your right mind, you might have been embarrassed by the contents, fully aware of just who your feverish mind had summoned into your head. But there was a strange sort of relief alongside them, and the liquid poured down your throat, fully satisfying the thirst that had consumed you earlier.

When you finally awoke late Thursday morning, you were surprised to discover your fever had finally started to ease. You didn’t feel fully back to normal yet, but you found yourself able to get around your room once more without the threat of passing out hovering over you. And for the first time in days, you were not only able to keep down the small snack you ate, but also stand long enough to take a shower and wash away the sweat and grime that had built up over the last few days.

You settled back into your bed after stepping out of the shower. You felt better than you had in days, no longer feeling as though you were on the verge of death, but the few actions you had done had still left you exhausted in your weakened state. You might have been on the road to recovery, but you would still have to take it easy over the next few days. 

You took the time to check your phone, briefly running through the notifications that had flooded it over the past few days. The majority of them were from Felix, but there were a few from Hongjoong and the others, including Mingi, who’s message indicated that he had been in your apartment the day before. The realization left a pit forming in your stomach, fully embarrassed by the interaction now that you had the capacity to do so. You couldn’t remember exactly what had occurred, but what little snippets you gathered only served to leave you blushing and pushing back his message to deal with later, if at all. 

Instead, you focused your attention towards Felix. He was at work for the afternoon, so you were unable to call him and let him know you had not been kidnapped and there was no reason to call the police, but you texted him a brief update on your status alongside a promise to call him later once he was free. Once he was taken care of, you had the others who had expressed concern in your absence to deal with. You quickly discovered there was at least one text from each of your new coworkers, littered with concern for your well-being and questions asking if there was anything they could do to help. Your cheeks once again tinted pink as you read through them, sinking further beneath your covers and opting to send a short update into the group chat to thank them and inform them you were feeling much better at the moment.

You spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, catching up on a few of the shows you had been watching before switching to a variety of random YouTube videos to pass the time. As much as you hated falling ill during the one week you had off from work, it was still nice to be able to rest and heal on your own time and without having to worry about missing work or anything else. 

It was evening by the time Felix called you, FaceTiming you to ensure you were doing as well as you said. You moved downstairs to the kitchen to talk with him, eager to get out of bed after being in it for so long and settling down at the island counter to snack on some crackers as the two of you talked.

You had been speaking for almost half an hour when there was a knock at the door, silencing the giggle Felix had pulled out of you. Your lips twisted as you turned your head towards the sound out of reflex, unsure who exactly was at your door. You hadn’t been expecting anyone, but you were pretty sure you could easily narrow the culprit down to one of eight people.

“Something wrong, n/n?” 

You shook your head, turning back to your phone propped up on the counter. “No, someone’s just at my door. Could you give me a second to see who it is and what they want?” That, you also had a relatively good idea for as well, nearly certain it was just one of your new neighbors coming to check up on you and see how you were doing. 

Before you did, however, you couldn’t stop your eyes from flickering to the edge of your screen where your own reflection lied. You couldn’t stop another frown from crossing your face, acutely aware of how rough you looked at the moment. You had dressed purely for comfort and hadn’t done anything else with your hair after taking a shower, simply letting it air dry. And while you knew it didn’t matter, the visit was definitely not anything beyond friendly, you still felt your self-esteem dropping the slightest. While you had no issues with Felix seeing you in your current state - you had been friends for years and fully comfortable around him - you were nowhere near that level of comfort with anyone who lived here yet. 

You straightened your hair as best you could before getting up from your seat to head over to the door, steadying yourself for just a few seconds when you got a little dizzy from getting up too quickly. 

“Seonghwa, hi.” You remained half hidden behind the door when you opened it, surprised to see the senior property manager at your doorstep despite knowing it was likely him or one of the others. 

“Hi,” Seonghwa returned your sentiment with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Well, considering I can now make it downstairs without passing out or throwing up, I’d say pretty good,” you joked, feeling oddly at ease in front of him. “I think I spent the majority of the past two days laying on the bathroom floor.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. We’ve all been worried about you, especially after the state Mingi found you in yesterday,” he replied, all but confirming your suspicions. Mingi had come over yesterday. “And I’m sorry about coming over unannounced, but I thought you might not be feeling up to cooking anything tonight, so I made you some soup.”

It took a minute for his words to process, and once they did, you struggled with a response. Seeing the thermos extended towards you left your stomach flipping; the kindness he was showing you making you freeze. It was one thing coming to check up on you, but this…

“Seonghwa.” Your arms crossed against your chest, fighting the strange urge to cry. After everything you had been through the past few days, the act of kindness hit you hard, not quite used to it. “Thank you.” You took the thermos from his hands, giving him a soft smile. “Do you want to come inside for a bit?”

“I’d like that.” Seonghwa nodded his appreciation, and you stepped out of the way to let him inside, closing the door behind him. 

Your mind briefly traveled over to the comment Felix had made the other day, the one where he was certain no guy would go this much out of the way for someone they were just seeking friendship with. But he had been wrong, right? That couldn’t have been true when each of them treated you with such kindness. It was just the type of people they were, right? 

You shook your head, finding the train of thought ridiculous. Of course they were just being friendly. 

“It’s not much yet, sorry, but there’s a chair at the island you can sit at.” You made your way back over to the kitchen, setting the thermos on the counter and trying not to let your insecurity of yourself or your lack of furnishings get the better of you. “Just give me a second to wrap up my call with Felix and I’ll be free.”

You grabbed your phone from off the counter, unmuting yourself so you could let Felix know what had happened and finish your conversation. “Sorry about that, Lix.” You took the further barstool at the island, settling back down. Despite feeling much better than earlier, your head still spun from standing too long. “Seonghwa stopped by to bring me some dinner. Would you like to say hi?” You were quick to add to let Felix know you were no longer alone, not wanting him to say anything about the situation that might embarrass you further. Of course that didn’t mean Felix wouldn’t still say something, but it would lower the severity of the next words out of his mouth. 

You were quick to notice the shift in Felix’s face, including the smirk that crossed his lips, but he refrained himself from whatever sarcastic remark you knew had just played through his mind. Hearing your conversation, Seonghwa approached you from behind, peering down at the screen in your hand from over your shoulder. You had a hard time resisting the shiver that ran down your spine as his hand came down to rest on the counter beside you. There was something different about him tonight that you couldn’t quite place, something that left your stomach fluttering. And had he always smelled this good before? A scent you couldn’t quite place, but had you unconsciously leaning back into him. 

“Hi!” Felix waved to the man standing behind you, the very man you hoped didn’t notice the subtle smirk he had sent your way beforehand. The way his eyes shifted between the two of you made your stomach twist. “I’m Felix. It’s nice to finally have a face to one of the names n/n keeps mentioning.”

You had to bite your lower lip to keep the rebuttal at bay, inwardly twisting at the implication of Felix’s remark. 

“All good things I hope,” Seonghwa chuckled, and was it just your imagination or had he moved in closer?

“Oh, no, it’s been nothing but terrible,” Felix replied, and you swiftly became aware of the mistake you had made in allowing the two to speak. “I mean, bringing her food, helping her unpack, checking up on her? What kind of person would do that?”

“Well, you can talk all about it tomorrow,” you interrupted their conversation as Seonghwa laughed behind you, hoping he didn’t see the pink tint on your cheeks in the lower image of the screen. “I should probably eat before the food gets cold, but I’ll see you tomorrow, Lix.”

Thankfully, Felix didn’t try to fight your attempt to get out of the awkward situation you had put yourself into. He simply nodded his agreement and stayed on long enough with you to finalize the plans for tomorrow before saying goodbye and returning the finger heart you gave him and ending the call. 

“I’m sorry about Felix.” The room fell silent as your screen went dark. You became fully aware you were now alone with Seonghwa and though you hadn’t given Felix too much time to embarrass you, you still felt some need to fill the silence and apologizing for your friend was the first thing to pop inside your mind. “He can be a bit much at times.”

“It’s fine.” Seonghwa shook his head, pulling back from you when you made to move yourself. “He seems like a good friend. How long have you known each other?”

“Ummm, a little over three years now, I think.” You thought over the question for just a moment, the years had mixed together over time. “We met shortly after I had moved to the city and just sort of clicked almost immediately. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without him. He’s just about the only thing that’s kept me sane since then.”

You made to stand back up and grab yourself a bowl and utensils, but you must have gone a little too quickly as the motion left your head spinning once more. Seonghwa reacted quickly, hands wrapping around your waist to help steady you as you reached out for the counter in front of you for support. 

“Are you okay?” His voice sounded close, too close. Close enough to where you could feel his breath tickling your ear. 

“Yeah, just a little lightheaded is all.” Your breath hitched, overcome with the unnatural urge to close the distance between you. Your fingers tightened their grip on the counter in an attempt to steady them, lips parting momentarily as a newfound thirst overcame you. 

It was now that Seonghwa’s familiar scent finally clicked in your head, reminding you of your ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t quite the same, but the overarching sweetness of it was something that had long since been imprinted in your memory and nearly sent you reeling. 

“You should eat then,” his voice was soft, fingers digging momentarily into your waist before guiding you back down to the chair you had risen from. “The past few days have been rough on you and your body, so try and rest for now. I can get what you need.”

You nodded your head, sinking back down into your chair. He was right. Besides the little bit of food your stomach had been able to handle earlier, you hadn’t eaten anything in the last few days and were starting to feel the effects now that you had been getting up and about once more. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” Seonghwa looked back at you from the cabinet he was rummaging in. 

“I don’t know.” His response caught you off guard, causing you to squirm in your seat. “I guess I just feel a little bit like I’m inconveniencing you. I mean, you’ve all helped me so much these past few days and I can’t help but feel a little guilty about it all. I don’t want to be a burden to you or make you think I’m trying to take advantage of you in any way.”

“Is that all?” Seonghwa’s head tilted and you had a hard time reading the intent behind his words as you meekly nodded your confirmation. Perhaps it wasn’t everything that plagued you, but it was all you were willing to divulge at the moment. “Then you don’t have anything to apologize for.” He waved your concern away, closing the cabinet door once he found what he was looking for. “Life gets crazy every once in a while and we just try and do what we can to help each other out. I’m sure if the roles were reversed, you’d do the exact same thing, right? After all, you helped little Junseo without even knowing him, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah,“ You had forgotten about your interaction with Junseo on your first visit here. The act of helping him hadn’t even passed your mind since then. It had simply been the right thing to do, but this was different. You weren’t a defenseless little kid. You could take care of yourself. “but it’s-“

“y/n,” Seonghwa’s hand landed on your shoulder, giving it a small squeeze, “just let us take care of you, okay?”

Something about his expression resonated with you, leaving you with the sudden urge to do exactly what he said. Seonghwa wanted nothing more than to help you, to take care of you, so why were you trying to fight him on it? Why wouldn’t you just let him do it? What was the harm in it? You would both be happier in the long run. 

“Okay.” You nodded, body relaxing at the smile your response pulled from him. God, he really was beautiful, wasn’t he?

“Now, please, eat.” He pushed a bowl of soup towards you, pulling you from the daze you had fallen into. 

You picked up the spoon he had fetched for you, turning your gaze away. You had been staring again, hadn’t you? Had he noticed? Your eyes glanced back in his direction, using your hair to shield your gaze as best as you could. He must have. Why else would he be smirking right about now. 

Shit.

“Shit.” You repeated the curse out loud, but this time out of pure shock after tasting the soup Seonghwa had brought for you. “Seonghwa, this is amazing!” And you weren’t lying. His soup tasted heavenly and you had to restrain yourself from eating it too quickly. The last thing you wanted was to throw it all back up, a thought that had you blushing once more remembering your interaction with Mingi the day before. 

“Thank you.” Seonghwa’s chin came to rest against the palm of his hand as you continued to praise his cooking. Amusement overtook his features at your antics, but you weren’t paying enough attention to him at the moment to notice it. “I’m glad you enjoy it.”

This time you did notice it when you looked back up at him, causing you to swiftly look away once more. Your gaze went back down to the bowl in front of you, fiddling with the spoon while you inwardly cursed yourself. You could feel your appetite disappearing as your embarrassment took over, and you had to fight the urge to apologize once more. He would probably only call you out on it again, leaving you more flustered than you were already. 

If he noticed or minded your discomfort, he didn’t show it, carrying on your conversation with an ease that would have left you jealous if you hadn’t been on the receiving end of it. He asked you about your interests, your hobbies, what family you had left, and everything in between. And though you might have felt slightly uncomfortable in the beginning, you felt more at ease around him as the night went on, especially once he made you a cup of tea. 

You were struggling to keep your eyes open towards the end, but too enthralled in the moment to make any move to end it. There was something about him that was addicting, each easy smile and brush against your skin pulling you in deeper until his presence consumed your mind entirely. Never in your life had you wanted someone, needed someone, so completely and this desire left your head spinning. 

Perhaps somewhere deep inside your mind, you were aware something wasn’t quite right, conscious of the hazy state of your brain and inability to think clearly. But it was impossible for you to fully grasp this thought as he helped you back upstairs. His arm was wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you in close to him and making it impossible for you to not bury your face into him and let his scent consume you. 

Fingers danced across your skin, lips trailing along the curve of your neck. For a split second, the bliss was overtaken by a searing pain at your neck, causing your body to tense as the haze was momentarily broken. You reached for the figure over you, attempting to push them off as your panic overwhelmed you, only for your movements to still seconds later as soft reassurances were ushered against your lips. 

Everything was alright. Everything was just fine. You were safe here. Safe with him. He would take care of you. Give you everything you needed. All you had to do was let him. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When Felix arrived at your apartment, he found you laying headfirst on top of your bed, the clothes you had been trying on previously discarded haphazardly around you. The music you had turned on in an attempt to hype yourself up for the night had taken a new turn as Luke Black’s voice echoed around the loft. The lyrics ‘I just want to sleep forever’ mirroring your own sentiment at the moment. 

“Nothing to wear?” Felix was silent at first, and you turned your head over in his direction to find him leaning against the banister near the stairs, eyeing you with cool amusement. 

“I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore, Lix,” you replied before burying your head back into your pillow, causing your next words to muffle. “Just tell them I’m still not feeling well.” It wasn’t a complete lie. The nausea that had built up from your anxiety for tonight certainly made you feel sick at the moment.

“And why not?” 

Whether he chose to ignore your second statement, or simply didn’t hear it from your position, you didn’t know, but his focus into your first statement made you sigh. In truth, you weren’t sure what had started it all. One moment you were pilfering through your closet in search of something to wear, dancing along to the music coming through your speakers, and the next you were curled up on top of your bed fighting the urge to break down. You supposed it had probably started with a stray thought, briefly wondering what your new friends would think of you in your first selection before your mind had cracked. Nothing worked after that, and you quickly began to pick out each and every insecurity the outfits you tried on would show.

As much as you hated yourself for it, you had a hard time holding back your attraction for each of the eight males who had entered your life within the past few weeks. Whether it was just natural or your body rebounding in an attempt to regain what you lost, you weren’t sure. But it didn’t matter. Not when you knew it would only lead to you setting yourself up for another heartbreak. Tonight’s intent was nothing more than friendly, an attempt to get to know you better and let you run wild and loosen up after your recent breakup. There was nothing romantic involved, none of them held an ounce of interest in you. And why would they? They were of a class way above you and it was unbelievably stupid for you to think anything otherwise. The sooner you wrapped your head around it, the better.

But you couldn’t. Your mind kept roaming to your time with Seonghwa the night before. All the two of you had done was talk, but it hadn’t stopped you from wondering, what if? And it clearly hadn’t stopped your mind from running wild in your sleep. 

“Because I don’t have anything to wear.” You tossed the thoughts away, thankful your face was hidden from view. As much as you trusted Felix, you didn’t feel like talking about how much your last relationship had crushed you and how the lingering effects of it still haunted you to this day. That was a conversation that would only lead to you feeling worse than you did at the moment, so you left it buried inside for the moment, deciding to instead focus on the issue that had sprung this fit on you in the first place.

Felix hummed. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

He pushed himself off the edge of the banister to approach your bed, causing you to take a quick peak at him as he began rifling between the discarded articles of clothing. He had gone all out tonight, opting for an all black outfit. His shirt was form fitting, drawing attention to his toned chest while his pants had a looser, cargo fit to them. It was completed with the oversized jacket of his that you loved and a pair of bulky combat boots. The only hint of color in the whole ensemble was the hair he had just dyed a few shades closer to platinum and the neon purple graphic liner ordaining his eyes.

Your stomach dropped as you took him in, wondering why everyone in your life was so attractive. The only reason you could ever imagine any of them stayed around you was to make them feel better about themselves. You were only there as a confidence booster, so they wouldn’t be the ugly friend in the mix. 

“What about this?” Felix asked, pulling up the pleated black skirt you had first pulled on nearly an hour ago. “You can wear it with that one-sleeved crop you have and then we can match.”

“I don’t know.” You frowned, knowing exactly which shirt he was talking about, but not quite feeling it in your current mindset. Not when it showed off so much of your figure, the very thing that had caused this spiral. “I tried it on earlier and I don’t think I’m feeling it tonight.”

“Well, what if I told you, you could wear my jacket over it?” His brow quirked and you had a hard time keeping your expression level as your eyes roamed over the jacket he was referring to. You did love that jacket. “That way you can cover up if you want to and take it off if you’re comfortable.”

“I don’t know-”

“I’ll do your liner too,” he added, pulling out a bag from one of his pockets and tossing it over to you.

Your lips twisted, having a hard time keeping a smile from forming as you took in Felix’s collection of neon eyeliner. “Fine, you have a deal, but,” you sighed, slowly picking yourself up into a seated position, “just help me make sure I don’t do anything crazy tonight, will you? I don’t want to make a fool of myself again or do anything I’ll regret in the morning.” Your mind trailed back to your first night here, still fully embarrassed by your actions that night. And though Hongjoong had told you, you hadn’t said or done anything, you couldn’t help but doubt him, almost fully convinced he had just told you that to spare you some embarrassment.

“You have my word.” Felix nodded, giving you a reassuring smile. “So, hurry up and go get dressed so I can finish your makeup. We’re running late.”

You pulled yourself out of bed, taking the skirt in Felix’s hand and pilfering around the rest of the scattered clothes for the top he had mentioned earlier. Once you had found both pieces, you made your way into the bathroom to change. While you felt slightly better after your conversation with Felix, you still couldn’t quite find your confidence back anymore. Your eyes still traveled across your figure in the mirror, wondering just what it was about you that was faulty? What was it that had made Jae seek comfort elsewhere? What was it that had driven him away?

“y/n?” You were distracted at the soft knock at the door, followed by Felix calling out to you. “You okay?”

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath to help settle your nerves. Tonight was about having fun, letting loose and celebrating the fact you had finally gotten out of the toxic relationship you had begun to think you were truly stuck in. Now was not the time to let his lies get the better of you. You couldn’t let him continue to haunt your life after finally becoming free. You needed to let him go and move on, fully enjoying this new side of life you had craved for so long. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” you replied, turning from the mirror and refusing to look at yourself any longer. Tonight was going to be fun. All you had to do was let yourself enjoy it for what it was: the beginning of new friendships and a new life altogether. “Just give me a second to do the rest of my makeup and then I’ll be ready.”

You didn’t spend too much time on it, deciding it best to keep your face fairly bare for the night. With Felix offering to do a fun graphic design on your eyes, you kept the rest of it light and neutral, not wanting to risk it running or smudging later on in the night. 

“You know, Lix,” you began a few minutes later, sitting up on the bathroom counter for Felix to complete your look for you, “if you would have told me six months ago I would have fallen in love with a man with a bowl cut and a green bolero jacket, I would have called you crazy. And yet, here we are.” You did your best to keep your face still as he worked, but you couldn’t stop the giggle that followed your words. The current song blasting through your speakers was the direct inspiration for the color you had opted for tonight and your former sentiment. “I think my heart has quite literally been stolen away.”

Felix snickered, taking a step back to check your line and see if it needed to be touched up anywhere. “Kaarija does have a certain charm about him, doesn’t he?” he hummed, grabbing the green liner again to fix a spot he found on your left eye. “There, all done.”

He stepped back once more, taking a few moments to appreciate his work before having you turn around and see if for yourself. You couldn’t keep the smile off your face as you took in your appearance, the bright green of the liner bringing the attention straight to your eyes from your otherwise all black look.

“It looks great!” You admired the design for a few more seconds, once again envious of his superior makeup skills. Despite being the more artistic one between the two of you, his ability in this field far outweighed your own. “You’re the best, y’know?” You jumped down from the counter, taking just a moment to straighten your skirt back out and fix the edge of your collar that was digging into your neck. “Now, your jacket, please?” You turned back towards him, extending your hand for the article of clothing he had promised you earlier.

“In a moment.” Felix stopped you with his index finger, picking his phone up off the counter and waving it over at you. “Pictures first.” 

You rolled your eyes, fighting the urge to argue with him. It wasn’t going to get you anywhere. When it came to pictures, Felix was worse than your mother had been growing up. Any attempt at fighting it would only lead to him taking pictures that would only serve to embarrass you later. 

“C’mon, we have to record this momentous event,” he replied, taking quick note of your outward distaste for it. “Plus, I look good, you look good- No, I’m serious, y/n.” His hand reached for your shoulder, leaning down to match your height. “And I’m not saying that just because I’m your best friend or because I did an amazing job on your makeup. You look good. Really good. You’re not going to be lacking any dance partners or having to buy any drinks tonight-”

“Shut up.” You shove Felix away from you, trying to hide the smile and blush he pulled out of you. You didn’t believe his words, not truly, but the compliments still left your stomach fluttering.

Once Felix was satisfied, you demanded his jacket once more. This time he didn’t try to fight you on it, glady shrugging the piece off and handing it over to you. You took it greedily, feeling more confident than you had all night once the oversized fit of it helped to hide the shape of your body. It was still summer, and you knew it would quickly heat up once you got inside the club, but you figured you would be able to last until you had one or two drinks in you, letting the alcohol give you the courage you currently lacked without it.

“Y’know,” you began once you turned back to Felix, taking in his outfit with new appreciation. “You could make a pretty good Leon cosplay with that.”

“You think?” Felix turned back to the mirror beside you, considering your words as he looked over his outfit one last time, running a hand through his hair. “Hmm, you’re right. Maybe next con, then? You could always be Ashley.”

You shook your head. “If we’re going that route, I think I’d prefer Ada. Her dress in the new remake is very pretty.” Now that you were ready, you grabbed your phone back off the counter to let the others know you would be downstairs to meet them in just a few minutes.

Any confidence you had managed to build up in the last few minutes slowly faded away as you read through the few messages you had missed, wondering if you were really mentally ready for tonight. The nerves you had carefully locked away now returned in full force, leaving you itching to call out sick once more.

Why were they doing this? You fully understood Felix’s intentions when he had asked Hongjoong if they wanted to join you two, but why had he accepted the offer? Why had any of them accepted the offer? Felix hadn’t exactly been the most subtle about it when he had invited them, so why did they seem so enthused about going? 

You didn’t understand it. You didn’t understand them. Why were they so nice to you? Why were they so friendly towards you? Always ready to help at a moment’s notice. You weren’t anything special. Nothing worth the attention they seemed so keen to give you. So, why? Why did they do it?

“You ready, n/n?” Felix asked, pulling your head from your phone as he gathered up the few possessions he had brought with him. 

“Ready.” You nodded, quickly hitting send before pocketing your phone. You were hardly ready, but you doubted you would ever be ready to put yourself out there once more.

You took one last deep breath as you followed Felix down the hall, preparing yourself for the night’s events. Tonight was going to be fun. After all, in one way or another, it was all about you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your nails tapped against the back of your phone case, fighting the urge to turn it around and check it once more. There was nothing to check, no notification or reason to open it up and look, but the need to find something to occupy yourself and give your fidgeting hands something to do was overwhelming. You had already shuffled through the phone several times in your hand, opening the screen up only to turn it off moments later when you realized you had nothing to do. 

The original intention had been to walk. The club was just a few streets down from your new apartment, but a steady rain had begun to fall, leaving you no choice but to make the short drive over there instead. You had thought it wouldn’t have been any big deal, but Felix had called shotgun the moment you had neared Mingi’s car - the wink that followed all but telling the intent behind it. The awkward conversation that followed left you offering to take the middle seat in the back, stuck between Yeosang and Jongho. You tried not to let it get to you, but your nerves were already high, and neither of the men beside you were particularly shy when it came to space. More pictures were taken, and though you couldn’t fathom why they wanted you in them too, you were squeezed in between them without a second thought. This combined with the looks Felix gave you in the rear view mirror while he chatted with Mingi only served to fuel your flustered state. 

Though fall was right around the corner, it was warmer than you had expected to be, and it didn’t take long in your trip to start growing hot from the jacket you had borrowed for the night. The drive was supposed to be a few minutes, but the streets were riddled with traffic and you eventually found yourself shrugging out of it when you couldn’t stand the heat any longer. 

Though you had passed by the Illusion on your way to and from your new apartment before, you had never seen it in full swing on the weekend before. Despite being highly exclusive, the line to get inside wrapped around the block, and you couldn’t help but wonder how long you would spend waiting outside in the rain and whether or not it would be worth it. Before you could voice your concern, however, Mingi had pulled the car to the side and Yeosang had pulled you out behind him, sharing his jacket with you to help shield you from the rain. Yeosang didn’t give the line a passing glance, guiding you towards the bouncer stationed at the front. He didn’t say a word as your group approached, letting you through with nothing more than a curious glance in your direction. 

You barely had time to take in the interior of the club before a hand was at the base of your back. The contact made you jump, afraid of who had gotten close to you already, but when you turned your head, you found it was only San. 

“This way.” His head tilted to the stairs at your left a few feet ahead of you before he used the grip he had on you to lead you towards them. There was another bouncer standing guard at the base, but he only gave San a small nod as you moved past him, making you wonder just what sort of connections Hongjoong had with the owner to have this sort of access. 

It was quieter upstairs, and you quickly became aware of the difference in air up here. Though only a few people roamed the premises - all who weren’t even trying to be subtle in their assessment of your figure tucked next to San - it was clear they were all of a class far different than your own. The clothes, the jewelry, hell, the mere way they held themselves, made you instantly aware of the fact you didn’t belong here. The cheap material of your clothes stuck out like a sore thumb, and it took everything in you to not disappear from view. 

San’s hand slipped further around your waist, fingers digging into your hip as he guided you past the bar and towards a private seating area back in the corner. It was set aside from the rest of the upstairs area, strategically set up between walls so it was given a bit of privacy from the other patrons milling about. A couch took up the majority of the space, looking out at the main floor beneath you. It was here that San dragged you to, pulling you down in the corner beside him. 

“Seonghwa and Yunho are getting the first round.” Wooyoung plopped himself down in the empty spot next to you before you had a chance to create some distance between yourself and San, effectively enclosing you in between them for the time being.

“Oh, okay. Just let me know how much I owe each of you and I’ll-“

“Don’t worry about it,” San replied before you had a chance to finish. “It’s our treat.”

“But-“ You understood the attempt to cheer you up, but you also weren’t a charity case. You didn’t need their help with everything. You could pay for your own drinks. 

“C’mon,” Wooyoung pouted, leaning in ever so closer to you. Just like Seonghwa from the night before and the two you had been trapped in between in the car earlier, he and San smelled good. There was a distinct difference to each of them, but the same undertones were there. Something distinctly sweet, effectively pulling you in. Your body subconsciously mirrored his movements, leaning further into him. “Won’t you let us buy you a few drinks?”

Your head nodded on its own accord, wondering why you had been opposed to it in the first place. There was no harm in letting them buy you a few drinks, now was there? Not when they were the ones offering. 

You weren’t sure exactly what drink Yunho had gotten you when it was passed down your way, but you weren’t about to complain when it was free. All it took was one sip to realize there was nothing to worry about. Whatever fruity cocktail they had gotten you satiated a thirst you weren’t even aware of, causing you to down the contents far quicker than you should have. 

Wooyoung was the first one to ask you to dance. You didn’t know exactly how to take the request, stomach fluttering as his head bent down towards your own. You wanted to, truly you did, but you didn’t think you had the confidence to do so. His intent was probably just friendly, but it couldn’t stop a wave of nerves from flooding through you at the idea. There was no way you could get that close to him without panicking, and if you panicked, god. That was a whole other disaster to contend with. 

So, you did your best to politely decline his offer, saying you were fine sitting here for the time being. And was it just your imagination or did Wooyoung seem upset by your answer? You didn’t have too much time to contemplate the matter, your attention quickly stolen elsewhere when another drink was passed down to you.  

You drank this one more slowly, already feeling the effects of the first one. For a brief moment, you thought something about it was a bit off, finding it strange to feel this tipsy after only one drink. You also wondered where Felix had gotten to, not seeing him in the sea of people around you and feeling a bit antsy by yourself, but both thoughts passed quickly when a question from Jongho pulled your attention to him and leaned further into San beside you. 

He was also asking if you wanted to dance, but you shyly shook your head, giggling some excuse about not being very good and hoping your face wasn’t quite as red as it felt. All the while, you found yourself sinking even further into San’s grip, whose hand was trailing along the length of your thigh as you finished the rest of your second glass. 

A part of you was somewhat aware of your current state, yelling at yourself to pick yourself back up and create some distance, but San’s other arm had crept around your waist and his presence was so warm and reassuring, you didn’t have the strength to do so. The way his fingers dug into the skin of your waist all but telling you everything was just fine. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to dance, pretty?”

San’s question made you stop for just a second, wondering whether you did want to dance or not. You were pretty sure you did, but the thought made your stomach flip once more. He didn’t actually want to dance with you, did he? He was only asking to be nice. To be polite. Because who else in this place was going to want to?

So, then, what did it matter if you went with him? What did it matter if you embarrassed yourself in front of them? It wouldn’t change the outcome of the night?  So, maybe you should go out there and enjoy yourself.

“Hongjoong, darling, you didn’t tell me you were coming tonight.” 

Whatever response you were going to give San fell away at the new voice, finding a woman alongside Mingi and Seonghwa as they made their way back from the bar. She was older than you by a few years and though her features were sharp, there was a certain poise about her that drew the attention of the room towards her. She held herself with a confidence foreign to you, made complete by the immaculate way she dressed, easily worth more than your entire wardrobe combined. Her attention was focused on Hongjoong a few people down from you, eyes barely passing over the rest of the group as she sat down next to him.  

You didn’t catch Hongjoong’s reply, distracted by the drink that was passed your way once more. For just a moment, you were vaguely aware that no one else seemed to be having quite as many drinks as you, but the thought was gone as quickly as it came when you caught a whiff of the drink. 

“y/n.” San attempted to pull your attention back to him, repeating the question he had asked before. 

Your brow furrowed, eyes glancing over at the woman now sitting next to Hongjoong. You were distinctly aware of the way she was leaning into him and the way her nails traced along his arm. It left a pit beginning to grow inside your stomach, especially when her eyes caught hold of yours and a smirk appeared. And despite the attention you were getting from the others, you could feel your confidence waning, fully aware someone like her was miles above you. 

“Sorry, will you excuse me for a moment?” 

You set your half-empty drink on the table in front of you, pulling yourself out of San’s grasp. Getting up left your head spinning, and you stumbled across the floor. Where exactly you were heading, you weren’t sure. You just needed to get out of there for a second and clear your mind before your panic overtook you. 

Coming here had been a terrible idea. You should have stayed home? Why hadn’t you stayed home? You weren’t ready, not yet. You knew something like this was bound to happen, so why had it bothered you so much? Because you had secretly held on to some hope that one of their actions had been more than friendly? Or because you had been reminded how beneath everyone you were? How it was stupid to think anyone would ever like you.

“Woah, careful there.” 

Hands caught your stumbling form at the bottom of the stairs, steadying you. You looked up, the apology at the tip of your tongue disappearing when you saw the man that had caught you. His figure towered over you, dark eyes peeking out between strands of hair dyed a bright teal. And though the lower half of his face was covered by a black mask, you had a pretty good idea of the beauty that must have laid beneath.

“Well, aren’t you just something special?” His head tilted as he assessed your features, dark eyes running unabashedly along your features. Fingers brushed back the hair at your neck as he leaned further down, breathing you in. “Hmm, maybe I should have taken you when I had the chance.”

“Jiwoon,” the man’s head snapped up at the voice behind you, eyes widening momentarily at the hand that was suddenly at his throat, “what do you think you’re doing? Get your fucking hands off of her.”

Despite the venom lacing their words and the hand at his throat, Jiwoon seemed unperturbed. He simply eyed the figure behind you with cool amusement before pointedly stepping away from you and raising his hands to signify he had done what was asked of him to remove the grip they had on him

“There’s no need to get all worked up, Yeosang.” Jiwoon’s hands were quickly replaced by another as he replied, encircling your waist and bringing you back into him. You had a hard time focusing on his words, mind preoccupied by the familiar scent that surrounded you in that moment. “I was simply helping the poor girl. Seems like she’s had quite a bit to drink tonight.” His eyes focused back onto you, taking note of the way your head had buried itself into Yeosang’s neck.

Something had upset you earlier, hadn’t it? But what? You couldn’t quite remember what had dragged you away anymore. 

“Consider yourself lucky I’m the one who came to fetch her. I don’t think some of the others would take as kindly to seeing your fangs that close to her neck.” 

“Whatever you say.” Jiwoon shrugged, brushing past the two of you to head upstairs. “Unlike some of the other vermin in this city, I do know my place. You have nothing to fear from me.”

"Are you okay, pretty?" Yeosang tugged you out from him, inspecting the skin along your throat where Jiwoon's face had been. "As much as I hate to admit it, Jiwoon was right. You've had quite a bit to drink tonight and it's dangerous to be on your own in this state. Who knows who might try to take advantage of you."

"I'm sorry, I just..." Just what? You had left for some reason hadn't you, but what had that been? Why had you left so suddenly? You searched for the answer in your memory, but came up short.

"No one's judging you, sweetheart." Yeosang's eyes met yours once he was satisfied with his assessment. "You can drink all you want. Just make sure you stick with one of us, 'kay? Especially if you want to come down to dance." At your confirmation, his eyes briefly traveled to the area behind you. "Is that why you came down here, n/n? Do you want to dance?"

No, you didn't think so, but then again, you couldn't remember your reasoning for leaving anymore. Perhaps Yeosang was right. Perhaps that was why you had left. Perhaps you had wanted to come dance.

One look at Yeosang was all it took for confirmation, and you shyly nodded your head at his question. The smile your response pulled out of him left your heart fluttering, masking any former reservations you might have had for the act as he pulled you along after him.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“She has no idea, does she?”

It took all Hongjoong’s will to look up from your figure on the floor below, having finally been able to coax you out to the dance floor after several drinks. He couldn’t understand your timid denial to their advances from the first half of the trip, unable to work out why you were so persistent to stay in the shadows when you could move like that.

Yeosang had been the first to pull you out there, a fact San was heavily upset over seeing how close he had been at getting you to agree and fully blamed him for. I had her, San had pouted when Yeosang had begun to gloat over his victory earlier, and then you just had to let that stupid witch get close to you. 

Hongjoong hadn’t put much merit into his words, finding it nothing more than San grasping at straws when you had refused him, but he couldn’t wonder if perhaps there had been some merit to San’s words at the expression that crossed your face when he had stolen you from Yunho earlier. The hesitation and slight disbelief in your eyes as he pulled you in next to him did make him falter for a split second, feeling almost guilty for not doing anything about Yunjin’s obvious advances. You had left without explanation when Yunjin had appeared, after all. But the guilt only strayed for a second, quickly replaced by the satisfaction he felt at knowing he had that sort of hold over you, for knowing you were struggling to hold your attraction for him at bay.

He hadn’t gotten you for nearly as long as he had wanted, having you tugged away shortly after when San had come back for you. You were still currently tucked against his side at the moment, with Wooyoung pressed tightly on the other side of you. Though you had been nervous and flighty with the contact earlier in the night, your inhibitions had long since left you from the blood they had filled you with, and the sensual sway of your hips not only enticed the two men holding you, but anyone else who was watching.

And watching, they were.

The Illusion mainly catered to those nonhuman, and though the club had its fair share of humans that milled the premises on a given night for the right price, the majority of the patrons here tonight were fully aware of who he and his brothers were and did their best to keep their distance. This didn’t, however, keep their eyes from traveling to you, and though no one dared to approach you, their curiosity was impossible to contain. He didn’t mind. Quite the opposite really, taking full pleasure in knowing how they wished you would have been theirs. They were more than welcome to look all they wanted, just as long as they didn’t touch.

“No idea about what?” Hongjoong set his glass down, unable to quite stomach it. Despite having spent years collecting the highest quality blood, it all paled in comparison to your own now. And though you were one floor down and surrounded by a crowd of people, your blood still sung to him, all but begging for him to come and have another taste.

“I guess I can’t really blame you,” she sighed, swirling the contents of her drink. “From what I’ve been told, it’s all the more enticing when they’re kept in the dark.” Her eyes flickered downstairs to where her partner was currently entangled with Felix. Just like they had predicted, the blonde had caught the eyes of both Yunjin and Jiwoon the moment their group had stepped foot inside the club. Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t able to get in on the fun tonight and was left on her own. Felix’s eyes had only been for the blue haired man at her side. “But one of Maeve's children? How did you find her?”

“You tell us.” It was Yunho further down the couch who spoke, the first to broach the matter they had discovered earlier on in the night. “You’ve been dabbling with her blood for quite some time now, haven’t you?”

They had always wondered just where she was getting her supply, but they had never bothered to pry into her affairs that far before. Though they had had their differences in the past, they did trust her. But when Yunho had discovered a stock of you blood in her storage when he dropped off her most recent order of blood, however, they had all quickly begun to connect the dots together. Yunjin and Jiwoon had known you were in the city for years and yet, they had kept their mouths shut.

“I wasn’t aware that it was a crime.” Her expression remained neutral, but he could hear her heartbeat begin to flutter, scent increasing momentarily at the accusation.

“It’s not.” Yunjin had broken no laws in dabbling with the trade of your blood, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t frustrated with her on the matter. “I’m just disappointed you never told us about it.” He leaned back in his seat, eyes traveling once more to your figure. For a brief moment your eyes opened and caught his, and the smile that crossed your lips was the last straw. He motioned to Seonghwa next to him, who took off without needing any further instruction. “I thought we were friends.”

“Aren’t we though, Joongie, dear?” She shifted her body towards him, tracing a manicured hand along his shoulder. “After all, haven’t I always had your back in the past?” The nails traveled to the back of his neck, tracing along the edge of the tattoo peaking past his collar; the very tattoo she had etched upon his skin nearly two centuries ago and the very same tattoo she had given to the rest of them years later as his coven grew.

He didn’t bother removing her hand from him, instead taking the moment to grab hold of her chin and pull her face even closer to his own. “I won’t deny you’ve been a very loyal pet over the years, my darling, Yunjin.” He relished the way her lips twitched at the word, unable to fully mask her annoyance. Although he had always treated her as an equal in the past, they were very much aware just who was in charge. “And I always make sure to take care of my pets, now don’t I? Have I ever failed you yet?”

“No,” she hummed, trying hard to hide her frustration, “I suppose not.”

Movement caught the corner of his eye and he let her go as your figure tumbled into the room beside Seonghwa. His arm was wrapped tightly around your waist, keeping your stumbling figure upright. Though the alcohol content in your drinks had been light, the blood they had mixed into them had done you in, getting rid of your inhibitions and allowing you to act on your most primal needs when it came to them. It left you clinging to Seonghwa’s side, burying your head against his chest.

“y/n.” His voice was low as he called out to you, taking full pleasure in the shy smile that peaked its way out as you turned towards him. He extended his hand out towards you, beckoning you over to him. With Seonghwa’s help, you took it, collapsing down on top of him when he tugged you forward.

There was little resistance from you now, folding yourself up against him. “You smell nice, ‘Joong.” Your words mumbled against his neck, sending a jolt down his spine.

Despite hearing about the bond shared between vampires and your kind, he had no idea the true extent of it until he had finally felt it for himself. The pull had been strong before you had been tied to them, but it was something else altogether now. Everything about you had been fully designed with his kind in mind, lulling him to come and take you all for himself.

“Are you having fun, love?” 

He brushed your hair out of the way, fingers trailing along the side of your neck. The shirt you had chosen for the night had covered it up in the beginning, but it hadn’t taken them long to fix that little problem. Yeosang had ripped the fabric away the moment you had allowed him to get in close to you, leaving the neckline torn and the shirt now ruined from the frayed ends of the collar. 

And despite the numerous feedings done upon you tonight by each of them, the skin beneath his touch was smooth and unblemished. All it took was a few drops of their own to heal you right up, making it all the easier for them to pretend it had been nothing more than a dream.

“Mmhmm, but I think I might need another drink. I’m thirsty.”

He wasn’t surprised by your statement. None of them had done much to restrain themselves tonight, and though your kind’s blood replenished itself far faster than any human, you had been drained far more than you could keep up with on your own. That was where their blood came in once again, speeding up the process even more.

“Is that so?” His fingers dug into the hair at the base of your neck, pulling your head away from him momentarily. With his other hand, he quickly nicked the area of his skin where your mouth had just been. “Go on then.”

For a split second, your brow bunched up, taken back by the display. Even in your dazed state, this hadn’t been what you meant when you had asked for a drink and he could see the attempt your mind made to break through the haze they had created. But the panic was short lived with a gentle murmur of encouragement from himself. Your mouth collided with his throat, greedily lapping up the blood before his body healed the injury for him.

“She certainly is a pretty, little thing, isn’t she?” Jiwoon had appeared in the doorway, eyes shining as he took in your figure. Felix was no longer in sight and Hongjoong could only suppose the vampire had finally started to lose interest once he had gotten his fill of the boy tonight. He leaned down on the couch behind Yunjin, draping his arms around her shoulders and giving her a brief kiss on the cheek. 

“And you would know, now wouldn’t you?” Yeosang growled, glaring at the man across the room. “You got quite the look at her earlier.”

“You did, did you?” This caught all of their attention, but Seonghwa was the first to speak. 

“Can you blame me?” Jiwoon shrugged, unaffected by the accusation. “I’ve never seen one of Maeve’s descendants in person before. How ever did you manage it?”

“She came to us all on her own, no thanks to you two.” Seonghwa settled back into his seat, hand running down the length of your calf. Hongjoong could see the jealousy his oldest friend attempted to mask, but he didn’t feel any guilt towards having you at the moment. Seonghwa had had his fun with you all by himself the night before. “Waltzed right on in without the slightest idea of just what she had gotten herself into.”

“She just walked in?”

“Your old seller had no idea just what he held in his hands.” Hongjoong replied, relishing in the feel of your hands playing with the ends of his hair. Now that you were no longer quite as thirsty, you made yourself comfortable in his lap, resting after the time you had spent dancing. “If he had, he would have never let her run wild like he did. He would have kept her close and done everything he could to make sure she stayed.”

“I always knew he was nothing more than a child,” Yunjin murmured, eyeing your figure on top of him, “but I did think he had enough common sense to piece things together. But then again,” her smile returned, leaning back into her lover, “I was undercharging him quite a bit and he never said a word. Made an absolute fortune off of him.”

So that was why she had kept her mouth shut. The moment she let them know of your presence, she would have lost out on a fortune. And if there was one thing Yunjin cared more than anything, it was a golden opportunity to benefit herself. Jiwoon must have only gone along with it because they both knew what would have happened whenever they found out. The temptation must have been great, but he prized his life much more than having you at his side. He knew what would have happened if they found out he had bonded you to himself. Once the contract was in place, there was only one way to break it, after all. 

“He’s dead, then?”

“Not yet.” He shook his head, careful in his movements now that your movements had stilled and your eyes had closed. He wasn’t surprised; they hadn’t particularly gone easy on your body or mind tonight. And though their blood helped in some ways, you had to have been drained. “We still have a use for him.” 

In the beginning, Hongjoong hadn’t cared whether the man lived or died. Of course, in the end, he would die. He hadn’t been given permission to turn, and none of them felt any inclination to bend the rules for him, especially after discovering just how he had treated you over the past few years. So, they would leave him be for now. And then, once they had fully won you over and his use had been completed, they would get rid of him. 

“…But, then how-“

“Their blood may have been exchanged, but she was never contractually bound to him. He had enough understanding to know how valuable her blood was and to make sure he fed her his blood, but was fucking clueless when it came to knowing just what he had in his hands.” Seonghwa sighed, leaning back in his seat now that he had no chance of stealing you away from him. 

Hongjoong’s eyes trailed back down to your sleeping figure as the conversation turned towards business; Yunjin wondering whether or not she could count on them to keep her supply of your blood in stock. She had been right when she had said things were all the more thrilling when they didn’t know what exactly was going on, but ignorance would only work for so long on you. Whether it was a few months or a few years, eventually the truth would come out. And when it did, he didn’t doubt it would end up ugly. But no matter how much you fought or struggled, it didn’t matter. You were theirs now. Nothing you did could or would separate yourself from them now. They had made sure of it. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

taglists will be added in reblogs :) if you don't see yourself tagged, it might be because i missed you (which is a complete possibility as i do tend to miss a few. the easiest way to make sure i didn't is to send an ask!)

[gay-dorito-dust]

you can write a fic where wednesday misses the reader? i love your writing and story

It was almost laughable, if not, pathetic for Wednesday as she witnesses co-dependency happen in real time before her eyes whenever she joined you and Enid in the quad. The way that the students would quickly manoeuvre their way around each other to their respective groups, as though in attempts to evades chance encounter with the inevitable solitude they’d all one day face upon their death beds. They feared the innermost voices of their consciousness and it’s council that it almost made Wednesday smile. Almost.

Wednesday was known to be anything other then obsessively needy and clingy, however as of recent she had found herself developing symptoms of co-dependency; How tragic. She would find her eyes actively search the swarm of students for you, her soul would sing falsetto unprovoked when she did meet your eyes, feeling the warmth as it rushed through her and her entirety at the implication of being within your presence once more, physical contact included or just sitting in comfortable silence. She would brood within the dark crevices of her room until the day she would hear the knock on her door, followed by the meticulous melody that was your voice calling out to greet her.

Enid and Thing watched from the vibrant and colourful spectrum of the shared dorm as Wednesday would stare longingly out of the wide window as rain splattered against it’s pane like translucent blood. “Is…is she moping or just being her usual self, I can never tell.” Enid said to the disembodied hand who did the equivalent of a shoulder shrug with his fingers. “You don’t know? Aren’t you like her relative or something?” Enid received a series of frantic tapping and another shrug. “Well your useful.” Enid sighed as Thing gave her a thumbs up.

Enid knew what was up with Wednesday but just didn’t want to say it so openly, knowing it was only going to get shut down by the Addams. You had been away for awhile now running a tutoring class on behalf of the teachers for those students who were behind on lessons or finding certain subjects difficult to grasp. This unfortunately meant that your time with Wednesday were cut short throughout the duration of the week except for the weekends; Today was Friday. Enid did herself and Wednesday a solid and looked at the time and saw that by this time you would’ve finished the session and were most probably on your journey here.

“What time is it?” Wednesday asked, not once taking her eyes off of the massive widow in front of her. “4:30pm.” Enid replied and Wednesday sighed, closing her eyes before opening them again to discreetly look over her shoulder and at the door for a good couple of seconds before returning to look out the window solemnly. Time was an accursed entity to Wednesday, it forced you both part for longitudes periods throughout the duration of the week; only to bring you back together for two measly days? Pathetic.

If Wednesday had it her way she’d be sitting next to you during these tutoring sessions, running a stricter regime in making sure that the necessary information would stay stuck in their thick skulls, instead of coming back daily to waste even more of your time that could’ve easily been spent with her! However the teachers asked you personally to see to that, not her and for that Wednesday damned those teachers for their conspicuous plan in separating you apart from one another. Their misery shall be slow and torturous, Wednesday would make sure of that.

Whilst Wednesday was contemplating her gratuitous revenge plans, a knock sounded from the front door and Enid got up to answer it; knowingly of who was on the other side as a smile was brought up by to her lips as she turned to look at her dorm mate. “Wednesday,” she sang, catching her attention as she raised her brows unamused at her, “guess who.” Enid then opened the door to reveal you stood in the doorway. “Heya my poison powder.” You said as you entered the dorm, crossing the room to hold Wednesday in your arms tightly as you felt her stiffen in your hold before melting.

“What kept you so long, you left me waiting. Again.” Wednesday said bluntly but you could tell that she was happy to have you with her once again that you didn’t her seemingly cold words to heart. “Would you believe me if I said that Ajax stoned himself again but in the hallway this time, so I had to move him to safety elsewhere?” You inquired playfully whilst gauging her unimpressed stare. “Didn’t think so.” You say softly as you pressed a kiss between her brows, taking note of how she seemingly pressed herself further into your touch, burning her head under your chin and into your neck as though she were a cat.