#even when the host is so annoying lmao ffs

[halfofwhatyouare]

I saw Katya today. She still never fails to enthral me :’)

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: [So the vibe is evidently just showing up at the pre-drinks at this gfs house, we'll have to be some level of wasted to have the nerve so from the off it's a mood lol] Amelia: [a select gathering of the gays that you weren't invited too, but it's okay because Amelia can't throw you out when everyone else is like yeah come through] Jac: [literally you'd have to make such a drama and that's not you and also no one knows why you stopped being besties so it clearly appears chill from the outside, I vote the club should be a gay one so you have to commit to that hen] Amelia: [agreed because clearly her gf has planned this because Amelia's plan was to go and get that haircut and outfit with her mum so] Jac: [too pure for this bitch, we all know this is just an excuse for her to party like any other night really, which is rude, do something special but no, at least you're simply that hoe so it's not like we even have to work hard here, the flirting is blatant] Amelia: [it hurts my heart because you know Jamelia would have gone IN for each other's birthdays] Jac: [and her last one was start of transition year so they would've still been friends, AND it was her 16th so it would've been really poppin'] Amelia: [brb sobbing] Jac: [thank god jac is also miserable and only pretending to be living her best life or this would be even ruder] Amelia: [and thank god Amelia isn't in love with this gal] Jac: [and that lmao] Jac: [to me it should be like they just straight up make out on the dance floor 'cos her girlfriend is the 'its not a big deal omg!' type but even if it weren't, it is because it's Jac] Amelia: [hence when Amelia loses it it's Jac she's shouting at and being like how could you do this to me etc not her gf] Jac: [mhmm mHM we all know she's barely speaking at this point so she's not gonna say anything and your gf will be going off 'cos she looks the gobby type so you can slap her if you need babe lol] Amelia: [she so is the gobby type, Amelia just straight up dismissing her because this isn't about you babe I gotta scream at Jac rn thank you] Jac: [meanwhile we're just trying to walk away like the audacity] Amelia: [literally like SAY SOMETHING! because is there anything more frustrating than when someone won't react and you're literally 💔] Jac: [there is not, just shouting 'I'M SORRY' ala Tracy because we do not sound sorry at all but she is never a loud person so everyone else is gonna be shook like damn] Amelia: [your aunt Cass would be proud of that, but Amelia just gonna walk away] Jac: [good lord go home gal, or at least a different club lol, also like to point out she has a September birthday so also would've been after Savannah left so that would've been cheery lol] Amelia: [nice parallel because we know Amelia's walking home but fuck knows how far it would be, we're not at Erin's house now hens] Jac: [I'm sure you don't live right in town, your fam seems a suburb type so that'll be a nice trek, you poor bitch] Amelia: [just sobbing the whole time probably, even though she's not a crier like Savannah is] Jac: [you'd have to have a cry, if Jac hadn't gone catatonic as a defence mechanism, she would be too] Amelia: [which is why we're not getting our parents to pick us up because don't wanna be sobbing to this degree in front of them and her mum already hates the gf so we don't want the I told you so either] Amelia: [plus her mum probably thinks she's over Jac by now because we downplaying things forever] Jac: [parents can only be so much of a MVP at this age] Amelia: [I think when they see each other again it should be another argument that turns into Amelia kissing her because that's a trope for a reason] Jac: [yes, you are both owed it without the audience tbh] Amelia: [like I have no idea where they are when that happens, are you gonna show up on her doorstep to have another argument or what gal lol] Jac: [maybe you had somewhere you went together, idk where or what vibe, so you know she's gonna be there, even if it's just a different club and you're outside angsting] Amelia: [ooh excellent, yeah there's any number of places that could be 'theirs' you've known each other long enough] Jac: [precisely, it can be as everyday and unspecial or the opposite as we'd like, Dublin centre is not that big it's not insane to suggest] Amelia: [when do you think that is, clearly pretty soon after because the emotions have gotta be high] Jac: [yeah, sooner rather than later, like we did this for a reason and like you said, it's too frustrating when someone won't react to you] Amelia: [literally could be the next day/night I'd believe it] Jac: [i literally thought you meant the same night so yes i agree lol] Amelia: [omg that's even better tbh] Jac: like you turn round like AND ANOTHER THING, tensions are beyond that high] Amelia: [exactly] Jac: [at least Amelia is angry enough to break it off 'cos the levels of fucks you don't give rn about anything] Amelia: [yeah she's angry and sad enough to be like ffs what am I doing and actually go home] Jac: [thanks babe, we all know it happens but don't need it to literally look like 2nd choice to your hoe gf 'cos it ain't that] Amelia: [how am I gonna start a convo from here because I clearly am lol] Jac: [thank god you both drunk, I can do it if you want] Amelia: [go ahead if you think you can boo] Jac: you home safe Amelia: no, I'm dead in a ditch Jac: great Amelia: it'll make life easier for you, yeah Jac: my life couldn't be any rosier Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: glad to see your flare for the dramatic ain't died in that ditch with you Jac: flair, which one Jac: idk Amelia: you took that over from me, remember Amelia: you really fucking did Jac: aren't you impressed Amelia: if you'd got there earlier you could've pushed me out of the way to blow the candles out on the cake my mum bought too Jac: you don't wanna be kids no more? Jac: could've said sooner Amelia: she's not a doll, she just wants to look like one Jac: who? Amelia: the girlfriend you wanted to share so badly Jac: oh her Jac: bride of chucky maybe Amelia: you did scare everyone with your apology Amelia: very exorcist-ish Jac: I was going for Carrie Jac: oh well Jac: still a better match than you two ain't it Amelia: oh you were trying to win a prom queen sash with acts of charity Amelia: I get it Jac: shouldn't you be throwing all this shade at her Amelia: wait, I'll add her in Jac: ha Jac: go ahead Amelia: she won't accept, sorry Amelia: I did try Jac: devastating Amelia: are you home safe? Jac: yeah Amelia: you do have the 👿👹👺👻 inside protecting you, I guess Jac: its always got a home inside me Amelia: well yeah, you don't ever kiss anyone long enough for it to transfer hosts Jac: you'll wanna get rid of the girlfriend then Jac: before you get infected Amelia: you already did that for me, such a good 🥳🎂🎁 Jac: couldn't think what else to get ya Amelia: 💐? Amelia: no? Jac: thought she might have beat me to it Jac: made a bit of an effort Amelia: she wanted me, that's all I needed Jac: past tense Jac: and that's definitely not the first time she's done that Amelia: what do you care? Jac: you think this is how i'd show it if I did Amelia: I try not to think about you anymore Jac: there's no need to make yourself sound stupid in the process Amelia: not when you're there to make me look it Jac: you'll get another girlfriend Amelia: because that's what is ripping my heart out about this Jac: that's your problem Amelia: stay the fuck away from me Amelia: if you'd done that I wouldn't have a problem Jac: I plan on it Jac: done what I needed to do Amelia: great Jac: enjoy what's left of your big day then Jac: have some 🎂 Amelia: you've made sure I can't Amelia: where's Savannah Moore with a 👏 emoji when you need her? Jac: Sligo Jac: last I heard Amelia: those poor country lads Jac: you've never cared about any lad a day in your life Jac: you can just admit you miss her Amelia: 😂 Jac: hilarious Amelia: not really Amelia: but I physically can't cry any more, I must be dehydrated Jac: unsurprising Jac: me either Amelia: 🍾🥂 Amelia: have a nice life then Amelia: probably leave tonight out of your achievements during the uni interviews Jac: nah Jac: diversity and adversity is all the rage Amelia: that's why I'll be mentioning it Jac: you're welcome x2 Amelia: 🙌 Jac: you sure she don't wanna join Jac: 'cos she's annoying me Amelia: I don't care what she wants or feel sorry for you Jac: yeah Jac: then tell her that Jac: not relaying your message Amelia: I have Jac: she's a liar too, makes sense Amelia: you're well suited Jac: besides the obvious Amelia: that you've done what you needed to do, yeah Amelia: tell her that Jac: I have Jac: not my fault she's so thick she only understands actions Amelia: if she's been messaging you since the 💋 you'll have had time to tell her everything I didn't Amelia: even if it has to be via charades Jac: the fact I didn't fuck her is all the information she's getting from me Amelia: the dancefloor's a bit public even for her Amelia: but maybe she'll be willing to break the rules for you, that's what people do Jac: let's not pretend it was about her Jac: only room for one delusional person in a relationship, don't you know? Amelia: you're ready for that, are you? Amelia: I don't know anything about relationships as it turns out Jac: first cut is the deepest Amelia: if you're going to sing, it's meant to be Happy Birthday Jac: yeah, you wish Amelia: I only got the one and I've already used it Jac: don't tell or it won't come true Amelia: I don't remember it now anyway Jac: bullshit Amelia: if it was 💇🏻 related it definitely didn't come true Jac: you didn't get a fringe Amelia: I still hate it Jac: it's not why you got cheated on Amelia: thanks, that makes me feel loads better about 👧🏻 Amelia: can you just take the posts down please Jac: I dunno Amelia: Jac Jac: fuck sake Jac: one thing Amelia: just do it Jac: then that's it Jac: there's your present, I don't owe you nothing Amelia: no, then that's it because I don't want anything to do with you Amelia: it doesn't make us even Jac: I don't give a shit about being even with you Jac: I win Jac: end of Amelia: it's not a fucking game Jac: you're the only one not playing Amelia: so leave me out of it Jac: that's another favour Jac: pick one Amelia: fuck you Jac: i'm keeping the pictures up then Amelia: enjoy your win Jac: naturally Amelia: 👏👏👏 Jac: you aren't her Amelia: you aren't you Amelia: it still doesn't make us even Jac: maybe you never knew me Jac: we weren't friends, after-all Amelia: there's no maybe about it, if we were ever friends you wouldn't treat me like this Jac: nothing is as simple as you'd like it to be Jac: but sure Amelia: you really hurt me again, it's that simple Amelia: and this time it was deliberate Jac: and you don't hurt the people you love Jac: grow up, Amelia Amelia: not like that Jac: that's easier for you Amelia: what about ANY of this is easy for me? Amelia: you told me to try, I did Amelia: now what? Jac: it isn't my responsibility to worry about that Jac: you figure it out Amelia: I had it figured out and you tore it down Amelia: take some fucking responsibility for that Jac: what, with your shit girlfriend who doesn't give a fuck about you Jac: that was wrecked before I got there Jac: deal with that Amelia: you wrecked me before she got there Amelia: I still think about you all the time, miss you all the time Amelia: and I do have to deal with that, all the time Jac: and I've got nothing to deal with Amelia: of course you do Amelia: happy people don't gatecrash and ruin other people's birthdays Jac: then you'll forgive me for not feeling sorry for you Amelia: I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to be sorry for what you just did Jac: you want a lot Amelia: not this time Amelia: it's bare minimum Jac: I'm happy to disappoint and leave you wanting Amelia: then you win again Amelia: congratulations Jac: yipee Amelia: Don't contact me again unless you're got something to say that means something Jac: fine Amelia: you sound faker than Savannah could ever Amelia: it'd be impressive if it worked Jac: have I contacted you before now? Amelia: that doesn't matter because today you did Jac: today I ruined your relationship and birthday Jac: then I asked if you got home Amelia: yeah, and that all means something Jac: it means I wanted to fuck up your life Amelia: at least that wish came true Jac: there's always shooting stars and eyelashes when there isn't candles Amelia: there isn't a quick fix for this Jac: there's no fix Jac: there's only out and it's still 2 fucking years away Amelia: you were supposed to give me time, that's supposed to be one Jac: well I didn't feel like it today Amelia: clearly Jac: get over it Amelia: I'm not even through it, it literally just happened Jac: I'm not apologising, I can't be any clearer Amelia: then don't Amelia: I didn't know how to beg you when we were friends, I can't do it with this version of you Jac: Done? Amelia: I was done before I actually got home Jac: Well I've not gone home Jac: so we both lied there then Amelia: Where have you gone? Jac: what's it to you? Amelia: I don't want what happened to Is to happen to you, or worse Amelia: I care about you Jac: it won't Amelia: I'm calling your parents Jac: maybe I've told them you're obsessed with me already Amelia: maybe but it's still ringing Amelia: they can decide what they want to do Jac: you're such a snitch Amelia: because I really care what you think of me right now Jac: nah, just hope it makes you feel good about yourself worrying my parents for nothing Amelia: I don't feel good about myself because of you Amelia: your parents are irrelevant to me Jac: we've got that in common then Amelia: they're probably going to want to talk to you and I don't so goodnight Jac: Bold of you to think I'd answer Jac: but it is a reason to turn my phone off so yeah Jac: later Amelia: you're really 😎 we get it Jac: that's what I'm doing Jac: you're so smart Amelia: it's why you want to keep the pics up Amelia: like a 🏆 Jac: i wanna keep em up so you have to see them Amelia: I don't have to see them, I've already blocked you both Jac: 😂 Amelia: What's funny? Jac: 🤡😥 would've been more applicable, perhaps Amelia: probably Jac: you can pal up with Is again, she's up for it Amelia: yeah because I really want to drag her into whatever 🎪 you've started up between us Jac: you're so considerate Amelia: something really fucked up happened to her, you were there, don't act like you don't remember Jac: and you weren't there Amelia: I know that Jac: then you don't get to say shit to me about it Amelia: I'm not, I'm saying this isn't about Is Jac: when is it ever Jac: poor girl Amelia: stop it Jac: you walked out on her Jac: she didn't have enough daddy issues? Amelia: I walked out on you Jac: same difference Amelia: you said you'd let me Jac: and I did Amelia: until now Jac: you're only 17 once Jac: it's not going to happen again Amelia: it shouldn't have happened at all Jac: should woulda coulda Amelia: promise me that this is it Jac: I don't fancy your girlfriend Jac: kissing her was bad enough Amelia: I mean, promise me that I don't have to look over my shoulder for the next 2 years in case you decide that you want to ruin my life again Amelia: because I can't Jac: Amelia Amelia: I'm serious, I'll leave school before I let you do this to me for a third time Jac: I'm not in a position to be making promises about anything, to anyone Jac: I'll try Amelia: okay Jac: just Jac: I don't know Jac: never mind Amelia: you're scaring me, you know Amelia: I should've made you promise not to do any reckless shit back then instead of the other way round Jac: everyone's scared Jac: they say it like I can change it Amelia: I thought I was doing the right thing but everything just keeps getting worse Amelia: for me, you and Is Amelia: even for Savannah, Sligo for fuck's sake Jac: even if you'd done it different Jac: I'd still have done the same Jac: it still would've all happened Amelia: what are you going to do now? Jac: nothing matters now Amelia: you matter Amelia: to me Amelia: come to my 🏠 I'll call your parents back Jac: we're not doing this again Jac: no Jac: it's bad enough i have people in my life i can't get rid of Amelia: we're not doing anything Jac: stop caring about me Amelia: I can't Jac: how much more do I have to ruin your life Amelia: you have ruined it, that doesn't mean I want you to be dead in a ditch Jac: all I'm going to do is break your heart over and over and then I'm going to leave forever Amelia: tonight it's already broken and that's all I'm talking about Amelia: take the guest bedroom Jac: no Jac: because then my family will just think we're friends again and that I'm fine Jac: I'll go home, okay, just stop Amelia: if you stop lying, I'll stop this Jac: I'll send you proof, for fuck's sake Amelia: okay Jac: fine Amelia: [we're just waiting for that pic like] Jac: [however long this is gonna take, at least you're probably a bit more central, the most begrudging pic of the front door lmao] Amelia: no, put your outfit in it so I know it wasn't stored on your phone Jac: 'cos I just have pictures of my door Jac: [but does, some weird angle to not get your face in] Jac: haven't got a newspaper, so sorry Amelia: if you hadn't stopped the party early, they might have been delivered Jac: it was a crap party anyway Jac: she hadn't even booked a table Amelia: Yeah Jac: at least you can have a better girlfriend for your 18th Amelia: can I? Are you going to let me Jac: probably not Jac: but if she's less easy to ruin then there's nothing I can do about that Amelia: you'd have to try something else, that's all Jac: obviously Jac: I'm still smart Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment Jac: I'm not saying I'm not going to ruin your chances at happiness Amelia: it's not like I need you to Amelia: SO capable on my own Jac: it's not taking credit if you're making excuses for me Jac: but alright Amelia: I'm talking about the 💇🏻 which you can't take credit for Jac: it suits you Amelia: that is the most hurtful thing you've ever said Amelia: take it back Jac: it's also true Jac: and you wanted me to stop lying Amelia: 😒 Jac: at least you don't look like every other girl now Amelia: you think I did before? Amelia: also that's because no other girl wants to look like 👧🏻 Jac: I mean everyone has the same hair Jac: you stand out more Amelia: you don't Jac: well I'm special, obviously Amelia: I know Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😉 Jac: you're an idiot Jac: Jude better be at a sleepover Amelia: her hair stands out Jac: you should tell her that Jac: she'll be so glad her attention-seeking doesn't go unnoticed Amelia: she think I'm flirting with her so no Jac: oh yeah Jac: you're a predatory lesbian now Amelia: I kissed you Jac: after I kissed your girlfriend Amelia: you don't fancy her Amelia: that wasn't why you did it Jac: she fancies herself enough Amelia: So does Savannah, that wasn't a problem for you Jac: don't talk about her Amelia: sure, I wouldn't want to upset you Amelia: what's the point being 💔 if you're not the saddest Jac: she's gone, there's no point talking about her Amelia: my parents know hers, she's not gone from dinner table conversation at my 🏠 Jac: sucks for you then Amelia: sucks more for her that she's been sent to catholic school Jac: Catholic school? Amelia: yeah, her dad had that brainwave Jac: that is unfortunate Jac: probably a better school than ours though, so she'll be thrilled Amelia: it's my dad's favourite joke threat now Jac: at least you could avoid me Amelia: true, I should call his bluff and take him up on it next time Jac: go for it Jac: it's only me that has to write off this shit school on her uni app Amelia: the rest of your app will more than make up for it Jac: that's the plan Amelia: exactly, so it's not technically a compliment Jac: you're shit at this Amelia: thanks Jac: no, that really wasn't a compliment Jac: not one of your not technicallys Amelia: 😏 Jac: did you get a car Jac: I bet you got a car Amelia: [a picture of it because why not say she did] Jac: just got to pass now Jac: then you can go where you like Amelia: then I can runaway Jac: nah Jac: they'd take you off their insurance and you'd be fucked Amelia: because I'd never drive without insurance Jac: the police would be frantically looking for you as is Jac: that's always how murderers get caught out Amelia: 🤫 you're ruining this too Jac: you fantasize on your own time Amelia: this is my own time, you're home safe Amelia: I don't owe you my full attention now that your 👅 isn't in my ex girlfriend's mouth Jac: have you kissed anyone else Amelia: no Jac: do you regret it being her Amelia: it wasn't you, that's what I regret Amelia: but it couldn't be so Jac: yeah Jac: at least it was a girl Amelia: I'm not stupid enough to kiss any boys Jac: some just call it heterosexual Amelia: and I'm not so it'd be stupid for me Jac: alright Amelia: but I should probably kiss more girls Jac: why should you Amelia: because she'll think all the wrong things if I don't Jac: true Jac: I thought you didn't care about what people thought though Amelia: I'm going to have to find new friends from somewhere Jac: don't you gays stick together Amelia: she sticks with them and I don't want to see her Jac: you move fast Amelia: I don't really have a choice, do I? Jac: I don't need friends Amelia: handy since you don't have any Jac: that's why I don't Amelia: yeah, because you only care about what you need Jac: duh Amelia: did you ever care about me? Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: did you ever care about me when it wasn't because you needed something? Jac: what kind of question is that Amelia: one I need the answer to Jac: we were friends forever Jac: what did I get from it half the time Jac: no more than you did or didn't Amelia: okay Jac: that was a dick move making me answer that when you already knew Amelia: I didn't know Amelia: whenever I talk to you I end up with more questions than answers Amelia: and end up questioning my sanity Jac: you don't need to Jac: your work here is done Amelia: you can't tell me what to do when you don't even do what you said you were going to Jac: so you're going to continue to make a bad decision, just to be awkward Jac: that's smart Amelia: because you have such good reasons for doing what you did earlier Jac: 'course I do Amelia: go on then Amelia: tell me them Jac: already did Jac: I wanted to fuck it up for you Jac: felt great Amelia: there's smarter ways to feel good, and easier Jac: I've tried those Amelia: oh well I loved being your little experiment, thanks Jac: whatever Jac: it needed to be done Amelia: no it didn't Amelia: you keep saying that Jac: you don't get it Amelia: I don't buy into your fake bullshit, no, and that's all you've given me all night Jac: what's fucking fake about the fact I can't stand to have anyone around me happy? Jac: there's nothing fake about misery being the only thing I can stomach now Amelia: you didn't break up your parents or ruin your brother's music career, you sought me out when I haven't even been around you Amelia: you're full of shit Jac: trust me, I'm doing my best Jac: and you're full of shit if you're now trying to say you don't see me every day Jac: and that it isn't the fucking worst Amelia: I thought it was, until you did this Amelia: now I can say today was the worst Amelia: you're so fucking selfish and cruel Jac: nothing has changed Jac: I sped up your inevitable break-up, that's it Amelia: no, you went out of your way to hurt and humiliate me Amelia: everything has changed Jac: if you say so Jac: it wasn't the first time for me Amelia: who are you? Jac: it doesn't matter Amelia: who the fuck are you? Jac: I don't know, Amelia Jac: alright Amelia: you can't treat people like this Jac: then tell everyone what I did Jac: I don't care Jac: you could've done something about it Amelia: what did you want me to do? Jac: I thought you might put up more of a fight Amelia: for what? Against what? Jac: because I humiliated you Amelia: it wasn't the first time for me either Jac: never like that Amelia: I'm not going to fight you Jac: your loss Amelia: I keep telling you, I care about you, I don't want to hurt you Jac: I wish you'd stop Amelia: I wish I could Jac: yeah Jac: well Amelia: it's my loss, like you said Jac: don't worry, I've got my own Amelia: that makes me feel loads better Jac: it should Amelia: it doesn't Jac: you're infuriating Amelia: says you Amelia: I'm so angry at you Jac: because I wanted you to be Jac: that's the correct response Amelia: no, because I love you too much to hate you Amelia: because it won't go away Amelia: and I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my fucking life no matter what you do Jac: I don't have the answer Jac: If I could make you stop then I would Jac: but I don't know how Amelia: me either Jac: there's nothing I can do if you don't hate me by now Jac: I dropped you for Savannah Jac: I did everything I did tonight Amelia: I was there, I don't need you to recap Jac: I couldn't have made it easier Amelia: there's something wrong with me, there must be Jac: not as bad as me Amelia: my mum said at the time that I fell in love with you years ago and I can't expect to fall out of it in a few weeks or months Jac: logic adds up Amelia: she thinks I'm over it now so clearly not Jac: you probably said you were Jac: or near enough Amelia: the girlfriend thing kind of said it for me Jac: yeah well Jac: I've had loads of boyfriends Amelia: you're not in love with me Jac: I meant it doesn't mean anything, necessarily Amelia: yeah Amelia: my mum is more old fashioned though Amelia: romantic or whatever Jac: more romantic than your girlfriend, yeah Amelia: 🙄 Jac: she wasn't good enough for you anyway Amelia: I'm not good enough for anyone Amelia: I'm literally still in love with someone else who isn't them Jac: it isn't that simple Jac: you can feel things for more than one person Jac: you just, didn't for her and she wasn't worth it Amelia: maybe other people can but I don't Jac: how would you know Jac: it just hasn't happened yet Amelia: I'm too self aware if anything Jac: that's some lesbian nonsense Amelia: I'll put it in my bio then Jac: tinder Amelia: I'm not kissing that many girls, she'll definitely think all the wrong things Jac: be kicking herself, like Jac: or is it only okay when she does it Amelia: probably Jac: just like a lad Amelia: 😣 Jac: awh Amelia: I can't be bothered Jac: with girls? Amelia: I'm not trying anymore, you didn't keep your promises anyway Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: it means I don't care, my life can stay the mess you wanted it to be Jac: alright Jac: not like I can turn around and say 'no don't' now Amelia: and if you turn around you won't see me Jac: what? Amelia: school, I'm not doing it either Jac: shut up Amelia: online maybe so my dad doesn't rage Jac: that's bullshit Amelia: so is this Jac: no, fuck you Amelia: 😂 Jac: so you all get to fucking leave and I'm the one stuck dealing Jac: nah Amelia: I've got nothing to stay for Jac: it's school, no one does Jac: jesus Amelia: you said yourself it sucks having to see me every day Amelia: I'm doing you a favour Jac: you are ridiculous Jac: you think you can just run away like this is some shit indie song Amelia: I've tried the alternative Amelia: it didn't go great Jac: you think Savannah is bad? at least her parents made her go Jac: you're such a spoilt brat Amelia: I don't think about Savannah Jac: you don't think about anything Jac: christ Amelia: your audacity is another level Jac: your stupidity is worse Amelia: yeah, I've proved that loads of times over Jac: fucking hell Jac: your life is so hard, Meelie, yeah Jac: everyone thinks its my fault, what happened to Is Jac: and the more she says otherwise, the more it sounds like it was Amelia: no they don't, I don't Jac: well you love me so you're clearly insane and a bit biased Amelia: even if I hated you I'd still know that you weren't the one who assaulted her Amelia: it's his fault, nobody else's Jac: me and Sav still ran like we had something to hide Jac: that's all anyone cares about, working out what Amelia: you were scared, in shock probably Amelia: you felt like it was your fault Amelia: that doesn't mean it was Jac: all I know is she's fucked off, no one will say anything to Is, so it's all down to me, whatever people wanna say or think about it Jac: so yeah, sorry I think your idea is fucking laughable but been there, done that Jac: didn't solve anything, it only made the rest worse Amelia: I know it's a stupid idea, alright Jac: you can't go, alright, you just can't Amelia: you know I'll fight the whole school before I'd ever fight you Amelia: I'll do it for you too, if that will help Jac: Yeah, I do Jac: nothing will help but Jac: at least you're still here Jac: nothing else is the same Amelia: I'll be in detention every day for the next 2 years if that's what it takes to shut people up Jac: I don't deserve it Jac: or anything but hate from you, and I do fucking know that Amelia: you don't deserve to get the blame for being there and being her friend Amelia: I should've been too Amelia: and after it happened we should've talked Jac: maybe it's just karma Jac: I've never been a good friend to her and by the time it happened Jac: well Jac: I made you leave Amelia: I ruined our friend so I had to leave Amelia: *ship Amelia: that's not your fault either Jac: maybe it is Amelia: it's not Amelia: I shouldn't have told you how I felt Amelia: or been jealous of Savannah Amelia: or made such a big deal about the date you went on Jac: no Jac: I get it Jac: you weren't wrong Amelia: I did the wrong thing by leaving you and Is Jac: I couldn't wish the alternative on you Jac: having to stick around and watch Amelia: I still had to watch Amelia: I couldn't go that far Jac: I know it's my fault because it happened again Amelia: what? Jac: Savannah Jac: I kissed her Amelia: I don't understand Jac: you should have been jealous of her Jac: I mean Jac: you know what I mean Amelia: you mean you felt something for her Jac: I didn't want to feel any of it Jac: but she was straight and you weren't so having her around was meant to be easier Amelia: why didn't you just tell me? Amelia: you lied and lied and made me feel crazy Jac: because I feel crazy Jac: I fucking am Jac: I just Jac: it's not like I left that conversation and told her Jac: I kept on and got with lads and pretended to like it, tried to Amelia: everything you said, everything you did Amelia: oh my god Amelia: I can't Amelia: I can't take this in Jac: like I said, it's fucking karma Jac: I fucked it with you and it happened to me Amelia: I'm supposed to feel what, that she queerbaited you? Happy? validated? Jac: I don't know Jac: probably Amelia: did you know how you felt about her when I told you how I felt? Jac: why? Amelia: because you told me over and over again that you liked boys and you'd change that if you could Jac: yes, and I told her the same thing Jac: and I acted accordingly Amelia: I've spent so long feeling horrible for putting you in that position and none of it was real Jac: it was real Jac: I don't want to be Jac: I want to be straight Amelia: it isn't a choice Amelia: and you can't just twist everything to make it one Jac: acting or not acting on it is Amelia: so why did you choose to act on it by kissing her, if that's what you think? Jac: it was a mistake Jac: when we left Jac: after Is Jac: and it was just us Jac: then it destroyed everything and she's literally run away Amelia: and then you destroyed what was left after she'd gone Jac: yes Amelia: great Jac: I'm aware Amelia: are you? Amelia: for years I thought things were one way only to be told they weren't and now you're telling me an entirely different story again Amelia: 🤯 Jac: because we don't live in the ideal world where I accept myself for liking girls and I choose the right one and we live happily ever after Jac: we live in the world where I kissed Savannah and she looked at me like I was the boy who assaulted Isabelle Jac: and that's how I feel about it, and I would rather pretend to be straight forever, and have no real friends again, than have to do that, and feel that disgust again Amelia: we live in a world that doesn't revolve around Savannah fucking Moore Amelia: because she doesn't accept you, you can't accept yourself? No Jac: it's not her fault Jac: the rules don't make no fucking sense Jac: do you know how often she told me she loved me, how beautiful I was, and smart and perfect and kind, that she wanted me in her life forever? Jac: but that doesn't mean she wants to kiss me Amelia: that's why it literally is her fault Amelia: she flirted with you more than I EVER have, or would dare to openly do because I would get called a predatory lesbian and she gets likes and follows Jac: but she meant it Jac: I know she did Jac: that's just friendship to her Jac: it's too confusing Amelia: you want her to have meant it the same way you did, like I wanted you to with me Jac: but I did Jac: I lied Jac: so I know it doesn't make a difference now Jac: but still, you weren't wrong and I did, I am, whatever Jac: it was shitty to lie, I know, I accept it Jac: but she meant it all but she is straight...how does that work Amelia: I don't know Amelia: straight people are weird Jac: I don't want to find that relatable Jac: I want to be normal Amelia: I'm not abnormal, shut up Jac: fine, straight Jac: I don't want to ever have to think about this ever again Amelia: why do you want it so bad? Jac: so I don't feel like this Jac: the not knowing Jac: how much it hurts Jac: boys are easy, I told you Amelia: because you don't like them Amelia: if you were straight you'd get hurt just the same Amelia: you said it, Valentina's no different than a lad Jac: lads just like me Jac: I've never kissed any lad and had them recoil Amelia: they liked me too, it doesn't mean I had to like them back Jac: I mean it's not the same Jac: if a lad didn't like me, he'd have reasons Amelia: loads of girls like you too, I was friends with them for a bit, I heard all that gossip Amelia: Savannah's reason is that she doesn't like girls, any of them Jac: but she loves me Jac: more than she ever did Ty, I fucking know it Amelia: not like that, like Is loved us Jac: I can't stand it Amelia: I know Jac: you know I am sorry Jac: don't you Amelia: yeah Jac: you just had come so far and had done so much work Jac: it wasn't fair Jac: what I did wasn't, but it wouldn't have been to act on it, when I wanted so badly to be straight, for everything I did tell you to be true Amelia: no, I was in exactly the same place that we left each other in Amelia: you're not the only one who can lie Jac: I'm just so sorry but that's worth fuck all Jac: I hate how stupid all of it seems now Jac: redundant Jac: but that's close to a fair punishment, I suppose Amelia: you've already been punished Amelia: and sorry always means something when it's a real one Jac: I feel Jac: I don't Jac: I'm broken Jac: I don't even want to be a person now Amelia: I don't want to find that relatable Amelia: but it is Jac: fuck's sake Jac: see, why would I choose this? Jac: even if they're weird, this never happens to straight people Amelia: of course it does Amelia: Savannah's parents are fucked Jac: just because they don't love each other no more Jac: when they got together, I'm sure they both knew Amelia: still, her mum's so broken she's barely a person Jac: all I'm saying is we're getting dangerously close to comparing being gay to a mental illness Jac: which is what homophobes say and I'm not trying to be the confirmation Amelia: it's not being gay, it's loving the wrong person Amelia: there are happy gays, I've met some Amelia: and your brother isn't being held back by it Jac: don't get me started Amelia: Jude's love life is messier than his Amelia: more dramatic Jac: he'll end up with a girl Amelia: you don't know that Jac: wait and see Amelia: yeah, I'll stalk him from afar like a fangirl Amelia: 🤢 Jac: it's not the same either Amelia: you love a competition Jac: yeah, this is so much fun Jac: him and Jude are the same Jac: it doesn't mean anything to them, so they aren't getting hurt Jac: they don't care, it's not serious Amelia: you've got me, we're very much the same Amelia: in this anyway Jac: I don't want to love anyone ever again Amelia: then don't Jac: that's why I have no friends Amelia: yeah well you don't need them, that's the line and the lie, right? Jac: it's not funny Jac: I can't be trusted Jac: with any kind of relationship with a girl Amelia: I'm not laughing because me either Amelia: I make bad choices and I'm proven stupid, remember Jac: it's so fucking isolating Amelia: school is anyway Amelia: we're all in boxes Jac: you never used to hate it this much Amelia: now you understand how much I hate everything Amelia: how exhausted I am Amelia: it'd be nice to have the solidarity if it wasn't so horrible Jac: I'm just trying to get used to it Jac: accept it Amelia: at least you don't have to see her every day Amelia: maybe that'll make it different Jac: I never get to see her again Amelia: you don't know that either Jac: I do Jac: she's unlikely to stop by when she's seeing her mum Amelia: you verbally recoiled from me, ruined my birthday, nobody would call it likely that we're talking Jac: naive optimism is exactly what got you here Jac: don't even need to scroll for the reminder Amelia: ouch Amelia: you always find new ways to hurt me Jac: you really did just say you made bad choices and were stupid Jac: continuing this conversation is just another one for the list, probably Amelia: I can say it and do so you don't need to Jac: alright, alright Amelia: you're blocked though, this is the only place you could try to Jac: I could make another post but the point has been made well enough I reckon Amelia: it's not my birthday now so there's no point Amelia: ⛅ Jac: sod you then Jac: don't want you getting the wrong impression Amelia: 😂 bit late for that Jac: yeah Amelia: my dad'll be up soon I'll just wait ☕ Amelia: don't need you to entertain me any further Jac: you gonna tell him about your shit birthday Amelia: I'll tell them both we broke up and they'll be thrilled Amelia: it's all they want to hear Jac: you can tell them it was my fault, it doesn't matter to me Amelia: why would I do that? Jac: dunno, but having someone else's parents take over and shout at me for a bit might be mildly entertaining Amelia: they think I'm over you, they want me to be better Amelia: I'm not going to ruin the lie Jac: rude Jac: but fine Jac: guess you don't owe me Amelia: no, I don't Jac: enjoy your coffee then Amelia: it'll taste disgusting like it always does Amelia: the biggest lie of all Jac: you aren't as exhausted and sad as you say you are Jac: the taste would've been acquired by now, you massive child Amelia: I've had to hide it longer than you Amelia: I'm just more skilled and hilarious Jac: so you're better at being sad? Jac: and I love a competition 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I've acquired a taste for anything with a high enough alcohol content, there you go Jac: I was drunk before I got there and that was still apparent Amelia: haven't needed stitches yet Jac: that's something Jac: anyway, how'd you figure you've had to hide it longer? Amelia: because I have Amelia: you were sitting pretty on a ☁ with Savannah for ages Amelia: nothing could touch you up there Jac: that's where you're wrong Amelia: I'm not letting you win again Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like I was fucking boys because I thought I wanted to Amelia: okay 🏆 no need to make me cry thinking about that Jac: they aren't that bad Jac: well, usually Jac: just not as interesting, it didn't make sense Jac: why we would waste time we could be together instead Amelia: it's really sad Amelia: as 💔 it was seeing you with lads, I thought it was at least what you wanted Jac: they aren't the ones that made me 💔 Amelia: I know but Amelia: I can't imagine doing that, or how it would make me feel if I thought I had to Jac: well you're much softer than I am Amelia: excuse me, it took you years to break me, Savannah did the same to you in 1 Amelia: you're not that hard Jac: I think that says more about Savannah than it does you Jac: but alright Amelia: right, because she's so perfect Amelia: I actually can't compete Jac: shut up Amelia: it's true Jac: it isn't that simple, I keep saying Amelia: it's as simple as you've already said, she's straight and I'm not Amelia: it was safer for you, except it wasn't Jac: you make it sound Jac: ugh Amelia: isn't it? Jac: you think I'm a right cold, calculating bitch Jac: and I'm not saying you're wrong but it was nice when you thought otherwise Amelia: we can't go back, you really drilled that into me Jac: I know Jac: oh well Amelia: oh well? that's the best you can do, yeah? Amelia: doesn't sound very calculating and well planned out Jac: because it's all over Jac: the only thing I've got left is uni and the career I want Jac: nothing else can or is going to exist Amelia: that's more than I've got Amelia: I haven't exactly been concentrating on my app Jac: well you're going to run away and find your Thelma aren't you Amelia: you ruined that fantasy with reality Jac: yeah right Jac: you're still a hopeless romantic Amelia: with a 🚗 I can't drive yet Jac: have you had any lessons yet Amelia: no Amelia: I keep asking my dad but he's always too busy Jac: go ask him now Amelia: I've drank too much to go now Jac: well duh but he'll feel so bad for you he'll make time tomorrow or whatever Amelia: and we're back to calculating Jac: someone has to if you wanna be wild and free Amelia: 😂 Jac: how early is it Jac: will the library be open Amelia: it's weird that the library is still open at any hour Amelia: you're literally the only person who ever goes there Jac: excuse me, only child Jac: you try and study with a house full of annoying kids and dogs Amelia: I'm fine with a 🏠 swap, I don't feel like studying Jac: yeah only if you make it permanent Amelia: you wouldn't take my guest room for a night, I don't think I'd be able to make that happen Jac: because you were there Amelia: rude Jac: sensible Amelia: nothing's going to happen Jac: yeah exactly Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: it means we aren't going to be friends Amelia: why not? Jac: I told you why Amelia: I'm not asking you to care about me, I'm saying I'm here for you Jac: No Jac: I wasn't joking when I said I can't have friends Amelia: I know you weren't Jac: that includes you Jac: especially you Amelia: okay Jac: okay Amelia: good morning then Jac: 👋

[knot-ilus]

🐉: TW vent, abuse mention I guess

It probably isn't a good idea for me to use this account to vent but it's annoying to write shit out by hand in a journal, so. Also there's more anonymity here than venting to online friends? I just want to get this out lmao

...Anyways, it's like. Frustrating as fuck that each of us have different strengths n shit. Obviously that's... Kind of The Point but ffs it's like we're trying to operate a mech but can only move one limb at a time. I can handle being screamed at and am better at bullshitting with people, but my host is better at avoiding getting screamed at and is better at like, forming actual emotional connections. Together we made it through our childhood abuse but now that I want to make friends or connect with family members I find myself just. Not being able to open up the way 🪢 does. She's better at fawning, I'm better at fighting, and now when we're in a safer situation I'm just. Stuck being an emotionally repressed asshole. It's getting better over time, but I want to be able to smile and nod during boring conversations and comfort people during tough conversations now. Anger comes so fucking easily to me, and it's certainly helped me get through shit in the past, but when am I going to get to be soft, or even just sad for once? Am I going to have to wait til our abuser drops dead for my stupid brain to feel safe enough to let me be a whole person?

...god damnit, even now I'm just processing this shit through anger. When you have a hammer everything looks like a nail, or whatever. ...and 🪢's getting sad for me dmdndnd typical /affectionate.

Anyways all this was sparked by our mother singing along to A¡r SuppIy and my intial reaction being "ew this is so sappy." Followed immediately by me getting frustrated, like, "jesus christ why are you like this. Why can't you just enjoy things" rnndndnd–

[sleepymarmot]

DS9 season 1 liveblog

[Season index: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 PS]

Emissary

Wait, "kidnapped for six days"? I thought the timeframe was much tighter...

I hope Kira won't always overact so much.

I like how quickly Sisko can go from barely contained cold hatred to cheerful manipulation.

Bashir's LITERALLY FIRST LINE is flirting! I'm honestly impressed :D

Bwahaha, tell him, Kira!

...Did O'Brien change back into his old uniform just to visit the Enterprise? 

O'Brien now talks to computers just like Geordi.

Is this show going to regularly use baseball as a metaphor, like TNG did with poker? :D

This episode is a much better take on explaining humanity to an alien than "Encounter at Farpoint".

Past Prologue

The entire opening scene is just delightful -- does that even need saying?

Why does O'Brien feel so strongly about not giving the guy to the Cardassians? Has Chain of Command happened already?

Ooh, is this the encounter with the Duras sisters that will be referenced in TNG season 7, or are they going to visit DS9 again?

"Klingons have an odd sense of style, don't you agree?" -- Nah, only those two.

Drinking game: a shot every time Garak says the word "simple".

I didn't expect the show's second story to be so good!

A Man Alone

...Is every episode going to open with a scene where an older person on whom Bashir crushed within five seconds of their screentime is standing behind him and touching his shoulders?

I'm confused again, isn't the O'Brien kid a bit too old?

"Killing your own clone is still murder" -- Was this episode deliberately written as a fuck-you to Up the Long Ladder, or is it just a lucky coincidence?

Babel

What a beautiful script lol

Why aren't they at least trying to build a linguistic database? That was my first idea...

Captive Pursuit

"I'm not a barkeep" Well now I want an AU with Quark as Mrs Hudson...

"They've reversed the polarity of our shields" Sorry I just cannot take this phrase seriously...

Oh ffs, not the Prime Directive again!

Wow, this show really likes O'Brien...

Q-Less

I love the guest appearances from TNG characters! It really helps to establish the show as part of the same continuity.

Q and Vash's Doctor-companion dynamic gives me life.

Oh no, the Ferengi handjobs are back, I was wondering when it would happen...

"I like your new tailor" I thought Q meant Garak, not the change in Starfleet uniforms...

"But it's not going to be the same without you. When I look at a gas nebula, all I see is a cloud of dust. Seeing the universe through your eyes, I was able to experience wonder." I'M DYING THIS IS LITERALLY THE DOCTOR'S LINE

Dax

I was looking forward to this one! But I didn't expect the "how Trills actually work, let's forget about The Host" story to be presented as a courtroom episode, that's pretty clever.

Ah, of course whenever they talk about Dax's past relationship with a woman, they switch to third person and male pronouns -_-

I thought the wife was the murderer.

The Passenger

God, don't they have filters or oxygen masks or anything like that? 

Yoo, a possession episode! This is endearing: TNG season one sometimes felt like revisiting TOS stories with a new cast, this season does the same to TNG.

Move Along Home

Does a fourteen year old really need a strict bedtime?

Kidnapping people is easy with transporter technology -- but how does one change their victims' clothes in the process?!

Quark's breakdown was unexpected; I suppose there'll be a follow-up on that?

The Nagus

Jake and Nog's friendship is very heartwarming.

Vortex

I'm glad to learn more about Odo, but wasn't this episode kinda cheesy?

Battle Lines

Yess, more Kira drama

Let me make a guess: this will be important in the season finale?

The Storyteller

You know that post "Have you ever accidentally befriended someone who was extremely annoying"? It needs to be on a screenshot of O'Brien and Bashir from this episode.

Progress

Kira's subplot is like an unholy hybrid between The Survivors, Ensigns of Command/Journey's End, and Preemptive Strike. Plus, that guy looks like Hannibal Lector.

Jake and Nog's subplot is giving me a bit too much secondhand embarrassment.

"I'm going to tell Minister Toran that she's remained temporarily on Jeraddo at your request" "But sir, that isn't true" "Make it true, Doctor. Now, please" lmao Sisko's methods are... interesting.

He gave a good speech to Kira in the next scene, too.

I'm glad it worked out well for the kids :D I kind of expected the two plots to tie together at the end -- like the old man settling on the piece of land they bought.

If Wishes Were Horses

"Waste of time. Too many people dream of places they'll never go, wish for things they'll never have, instead of paying adequate attention to their real lives." Are you calling all of your viewers out, Odo?

A bit too much technobabble, but funny! I thought this would be not just about imagination, but about youth. The imaginary characters are conjured up by a three year old, a fourteen year old, and by Julian whose immaturity is even commented upon in the cold open.

The Forsaken

Oh... oh my god... it's her

Why is her hair pink, anyway

O'Brien's talking to the computer right after opening credits, just after Majel Barrett's name appeared on screen -- are they doing this on purpose?

this orange hair is even worse

"You are the thin beige line between order and chaos" I'm dying what kind of compliment is this

Odo's grumpiness re: humanoid mating rituals is beautiful

"Every 16 hours I turn into a liquid" "I can swim"

Hello fanfic trope :D

Yes, Odo, I was making the same faces during the episode she's recalling

"Do you hear it?" "Hear what?" The voice" ARE THEY REALLY DOING THIS

"Like a baby" I'd say, more like Lwaxana

"It came here when we downloaded the probe's files. If we upload those same files back to the probe, it might go with them" That's... not how it works...

Universal acceptance is a lovely and very plausible other side of the coin to Lwaxana's eccentricity and odd taste. I've grown to appreciate that. She's always so obnoxious at the beginning of the episode, I completely forget about her sensitive side and she manages to surprise me every time.

wait, so she's been canonically wearing wigs in all those TNG episodes?

Dramatis Personae

Wait, is the infirmary right across the corridor from Quark's bar?

Bashir is acting very strangely

Alright, the question is "who isn't acting strangely"

Is Kira trying to flirt with Dax?

Bashir really won the temporary personality lottery. Everyone else became unlikeable and he just Lives For The Drama. I mean, more than usual...

Will Odo often play this role of the only one unaffected by a disease, like Data did? But unlike Data, he can also manipulate people. I'm only now starting to appreciate that he actually is a "Constable". Very refreshing to see a security officer who's allowed to be smart.

Duet

Oooh, finally it's time for the Bajoran-Cardassian drama again!

The plot twist makes this episode remind me of The Defector even more... And I think it cheapens the conflict; what to do with a bureaucrat who hasn't personally committed atrocities is a difficult and morally grey area -- not so much if it's the Big Bad responsible for everything and proud of it

Alright, he's too hammy, is there another twist coming?

Nice, Dukat is getting nervous, that's a good sign. I love Odo the detective

Okay, but even under his real identity, wouldn't, like, a very public trial and broadcasting his story everywhere have some effect?

I... don't really like how this episode ends on a "Not all Cardassians / Some Bajorans are just prejudiced". Still, it's the strongest story in the season.

In the Hands of the Prophets

Ughhh religious fundamentalists...

Have I mentioned how uncomfortable it is that on this show people's ears are often grabbed with completely different connotations?

Oh god I'm just seething this is too real

The murder mystery is interesting!

I hate her so much

Call! Odo!! Or! Sisko!! Preferably both!!!

General impressions:

A surprisingly even season. There are no outright failures (unlike TNG's first and last seasons -- hell, probably unlike any TNG season) but it's rarely remarkable.

The interior and costume design is quite ugly, sorry to say.

It took me several episodes to adjust after the glorious remastered HD of TNG. Please remaster this show too!

Best character for dramatic scenes: Kira

Best character for lighthearted scenes: Bashir

Most underused character: Dax

Best duo: Odo and Quark (okay, there's not much competition so far, I just wanted them to have their own category)

If O'Brien is such a super engineering pro, why did he spend all these years on the Enterprise manning the transporter instead of being Geordi's right hand man or something?

I don't know what I think of Sisko yet. But I like him more than Picard in his first season.

[ts-crossroads]

Episode Five - “All In The Spirit of the Game” - Johnny

And the resume has begun. I’m glad I can start to get some moves out of the way earlier so I don’t have to to balls to the wall at merge to prove I’m a player. I’d rather make big moves before merge, make people trust me, and then play a game behind the scenes at merge. I don’t wanna be the big guy at merge trying to make moves to have a shot to win. If I get some big moves done now I can lay low at merge. So let me just be cocky for a second. I take FULL credit for that Bran blindside. Johnny and John were voting Brandon. They didn’t wanna ruin trust with Ryan but I just kept throwing more seeds out there and it fucking worked. You know. I didn’t think this day could get better... but it did my friend. It so, so did. Ryan comes to me and blows Johnny and johns game up. Suddenly I now have so much idol info. John has an idol half, Johnny has an idol. Ryan even told me he’s got a half!! I ended up telling Ryan about my half. I figured he told me all this info. I had to tell him something. I gotta keep this dude close cause he’s my key to an idol. He told me I can have his half when we wanna combine it. My next move is to split votes and blindside John or Johnny. That is the best case scenario. Man I feel at the top of the world. I hope Ned and Dane are doing good. I really wanna reunite with those guys soon. If we can get me ned Dane autumn Haley Brandon and Ryan as a strong 7 we can very easily run the merge. Man I’m playing too far ahead but how can I not? Everything is falling into place. And last night I thought I was doomed if Brandon went home. Suddenly everything has changed. I feel like a king.

I'm kinda annoyed. Woohoo tribal went to plan, but the first fucking second Haley gets onto this tribe one of Stoner, Autumn or BDC were telling her that I saying all these negative things about her. Because I was telling people Haley was very OTT and caused paranoia on our tribe, essentially telling the truth, but also REALLY trying to convince people that the Fatum four wouldn’t be an issue if Ryan, John and I survived tribal council. So then I went to her about it, and I told her the biggest reasons I did it were because I didn't want anyone to suspect that we were close, and I also wanted to mask any thoughts on the fatum four to keep John, Ryan and I safe,, and she was like “I don’t believe what these people are saying because I know how close we are, and it’s just their attempt to swing my vote." And I was like SUREEEEEEEEEEEE...... She should definitely trust me because now i'm 100% sticking Fatum strong, and I am not backing down, because whoever did this really pissed me off, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it and make sure that person goes home! You won't like me when I'm ANGRY!!!!! I really trusted those three too, so it annoys me to see one of those three just jump at the opportunity to throw me under the bus.   I think it may have been Stoner, which would really piss me off to the core because I trust him more than I trust most people, even including some on my tribe. Honestly, stoner gives me a BIG manipulator vibe. Like a BIG one Because he's really good at building those relationships with people and people not realizing he's got that bind with everyone. He's come in 2nd 1st and 12th due to an idol play ffs, so he's clearly good at Tumblr Survivors, and I'm looking out for it AGAIN this time around, because I'm starting to really not trust him, and if I can manage to blindside Stoner if we lose another one, that'd be HUGE for my game. Also, John told me all of this Haley nonsense was going down so big shoutout to my man John. John also said that Bran, after tribal council, swore up down left and right that he never wanted something with Ryan, Stoner and Autumn, which is most likely Stoner making up another lie, and that being the reason we kept BDC over Bran. I get the feel that Stoner would do nearly anything to stay in the game, so I'm just going to continue to talk to him like he's got my trust more than anyone else's, but if we lose another tribal, I might wanna see his snake ass out the door

Ok. So I really don’t wanna lose this immunity challenge. The imperium majority of 4-3 is planning on sticking together but I really don’t wanna vote out Jake, rebecka, or Julia. I was thinking maybe Julia if it came down to it, but I’ve gotten closer to her now and wouldn’t want to see her go. Ugh. Hopefully I can just pull out a win in Simon.

I feel there are so many things to talk about since we've left off, and I've been thinking about so many of them since tribal ended, and I may or may not have forgotten if I made a confessional. Oh well... I'm just getting really over this, and this may be the most pessimistic attitude ever seen in a tumblr survivor ever, but this has really been ruining my night to the core. I have been to THREE tribal councils in a row, and the second the challenge got announced, I got really excited because it's about will power and getting good at challenges, improving your scores, and beating the other tribe in a head to head matchup, but of course, my tribe proceeds with the following: "I've never really played any of these games :/" "Sooooo just so you know ... I am known for getting the worst score in every challenge in my first season. Every challenge was a flash game So this won’t be good for me" "I’ll do whatever y’all want . I’m not the best at flash games" "I'm not great at flash games either. Tetris is my worst" This is from FOUR of the other SIX of my tribe members, to where Ryan is really trying, because he's a comp beast, but of course the rest of my tribe has pretty much thrown in the towel or they think that someone is going to carry them to this victory.. AND THEN OF COURSE in my state of depression of inevitably going to my fourth tribal council in a row, I tried to delegate to everyone what they should do for the challenge, but now this might put a target on my back, and they won't even try anyways, so what's the fucking point? Now here's the absolute worst thing that I am going to say tonight... I just KNOW that if this tribe continues to lose challenges, we're going to vote out BDC, and then probably Autumn, and then if we lose again it might have to be Stoner, and then guess what happens? The Fatum Four make merge woohoo, but we're the obvious targets. We're likely just going to get picked off like old school survivor, like a good ol' pagonging, and I'm about to get fucked. I don't really know what to do, and I'm sure I'll figure out something, but everything since this break has ended has really killed my mentality, and I'm not happy about it. I am fully prepared to lose this challenge, for a fourth straight loss, and then I'm going to have to vote out someone I don't wanna vote out, but whatever. It's all in the spirit of the game. *rolls eyes*

So i told autumn about my half idol. Merge is looming so I need people to know they can trust me going into merge. If it puts a target on my back so be it but I think I can trust Autumn. Ryan also knows about my half but I know about his half as well. I trust Ryan has my back, he seems genuine with me. I really wanna merge. I’ve merged every time I played and I don’t wanna stop now. I think I’m in a good spot. I seem to be good with the johnnies as well with my core 4 (autumn, Haley, brandon) with Ryan as a potential 5th. I am hoping a 3-2-2 split so we can avoid idols.

In the midst of me being all depressed and whatnot of our tribe losing, and knowing we're going to tribal, i get this: On 12/27/17, at 3:30 PM, Owen (Crossroads Host) . wrote: > You have been selected to receive this round's reward!! Here is your reward offer: you can choose to gamble an ANONYMOUS disadvantage to your flash game score, in order to receive a personal reward. If you choose to take the personal reward, your flash game score will be reduced by either 10, 15, 25, or 50 percent - this will be generated randomly. You must submit this decision by the time your score is due (10 PM EST), and you may NOT share this information with ANYONE. It will not be revealed that you have taken a disadvantage, it will just adjust the score shown. So what do I do? I obviously take it! I don't give a fucking shit anymore about this tribal stuff. If the people on the bottom don't want to try, then I'll gladly take a tribe disadvantage to make sure I can get an advantage for me and my alliance members. I would love for a vote steal or something like that.. idk, I'd just be excited with anything at this point. I've got an idol, and a resting idol, and now this, and I know Ryan has a full idol now too, so there are plenty of good things going on right now, but some secrets have to stay with me, so this is good. I should start making a chart with all the information I have saved in my brain because i'm starting to lose all of it LMAO

So I'm just shopping at Target and drinking my Smoothie King when I see a notification from Owen: "You have been selected to receive this round's reward!! Here is your reward offer: you can choose to gamble an ANONYMOUS disadvantage to your flash game score, in order to receive a personal reward. If you choose to take the personal reward, your flash game score will be reduced by either 10, 15, 25, or 50 percent - this will be generated randomly. You must submit this decision by the time your score is due (10 PM EST), and you may NOT share this information with ANYONE. It will not be revealed that you have taken a disadvantage, it will just adjust the score shown." Since I'm already a Tetris god (literally all I did in high school was play Tetris), I think I can risk having my score lowered. Most people wouldn't risk their already rocky connections on a swapped tribe for an unknown personal advantage. https://i.redd.it/ejeax09ea4vy.gif However, I've already TOLD my tribe my highest score- and I won't be home to try to raise it. In addition, nowhere in the message does it say that I am the ONLY person to receive the reward. For all I know, everyone has been given this same temptation, and if I take it, they won't trust me anymore. I think what I'll do is accept the offer, but use the challenge advantage I have stuffed in my back pocket to try and offset the disadvantage's effects. Hopefully this works out well.

I’m so happy we won whew but I’m also very nervous bc I STILL haven’t been to tribal yet (along with 5 other castaways-the original impala tribe members) therefore I’m not standing out whatsoever and I’ve had no chance to strategize or make moves. A FTC speech from me rn would not sound too impressive. I can’t believe we are at final 15 (?) though, that’s insane. Hopefully the other tribe having tribal gives me some time to relax. The break in this game literally ended after I started my Christmas vacation. I won’t be at my house (aka somewhere with access to WiFi) until January 3rd. That’s an entire week from now, so unless I can be excused or given opportunities for mobile play, I’m screwed on a personal level and I’d be putting my tribe at a disadvantage. I feel like I’m not contributing as much to my tribe as the other castaways, but I’m so busy! A few challenges ago, with the scavenger hunt, I sat out. And then this challenge, I was the lowest wager on our entire tribe, betting 1 point. The other tribe put their highest wager of 7 on flappy bird (my only mobile option) and gained 8 points for their tribe. It didn’t do anything, since we still won the overall comp 41 to 15, but still, I hate that me and Jake were the only ones not earning points for our tribe. I don’t know if the rest of the castaways look at me like that. And it’s a tricky time period in the game, because if they do, it could make them think in 2 different ways. The first would be negatively, because if we want our tribe to be strong and win, we don’t want someone bringing down the win streak, or the second being positive, because I won’t be a challenge threat when it comes to individual immunities post merge. Hopefully (if I’m still here by then) I can turn things around on them and show them I’m here to compete, but for now, I have to do the best I can with the resources I have. I also am excited about this coin advantage I received! I’m excited to see what it is. I hope it’s something big like a half idol, bc I’m pretty sure ned has the other half (?) I can’t actually remember. I hope the other tribe votes off an impala member. I know that sounds awful and I have been going back and forth for a while on it, but getting down to the end, I can’t be compared to 5 players with the same pre merge game, it’s not impressive to a jury. Between Chris and autumn, I’m torn. I have no relationship with autumn so her leaving would not hurt me at all. BUT even though I’m close with Chris and semi trust him, I know he has won and he has been playing hard this game. It’s tough, which I guess is why I’m glad Fatum is choosing it and not me. But if fatum doesn’t choose one of them, it’s their own faults if impala sweeps through merge and dominates the rest of the game. I still can’t believe all of us are here. And they have only had a few opportunities to get rid of us, but with how powerful we are, I’m really surprised they haven’t taken any chance they could. “They” being fatum members who were not original impala. I don’t know what Julia, rebecka, or Jake would do, but I really don’t think they would turn on each other. Not without a fight at least. 

Tag urself I'm me accepting a reward getting a disadvantage on my score that no one knew about and still winning it hehehehe my reward was a coin idk what that means this game is a doozy I don't have any allies I'm literally just here for the ride I guess wow 

BDC[12/27/2017 11:16:33 PM] BDC: I’m about to either make a big move [12/27/2017 11:16:38 PM] BDC: Or get myself voted out [12/27/2017 11:16:48 PM] BDC: We shall see [12/27/2017 11:20:07 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): :O [12/27/2017 11:20:08 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): what is it [12/27/2017 11:20:31 PM] BDC: Well first I just need  to talk to Ryan [12/27/2017 11:20:44 PM] BDC: And see if we can mend things [12/27/2017 11:21:34 PM] BDC: If we can, I know Ryan Johnny and Coffey are close [12/27/2017 11:21:43 PM] BDC: I wanna blindside stoner [12/27/2017 11:21:52 PM] BDC: For fun [12/27/2017 11:22:06 PM] BDC: And that og tribe hasn’t lost anyone [12/27/2017 11:22:19 PM] BDC: Like him or autumn has to go [12/27/2017 11:22:45 PM] BDC: John and Johnny saved me last round so maybe if I save them this round it’ll be even [12/28/2017 12:19:14 AM] BDC: I lied [12/28/2017 12:19:17 AM] BDC: Fuck Johnny 

I.... feel like I do so much acting on this tribe and play all sides. The guys are cool or whatever but at the end of the day I just want to go survive and see my original alliance aka Mystery Inc be reunited. Am I crazy about Chris' split vote plan? Meh cause the last split vote I did wreckt my game #athenahimalayas Do I care about saving Brandon? Not as much as I care about staying alive myself. Am I here for blindsiding John and Johnny? Not really but my loyalty is already spoken for I keep telling myself that I'm protecting me, Ned, and Chris rather than ruining other people's games. I'm a savage with a heart so I'm not exactly tribal material because I get caught up in mercy and pleas but also strategy and big moves. I actually have better relationships with John and Johnny than I do with Ryan and Haley BUT I don't see a future with John and Johnny. I think we've done all we can for each other and I believe me, Brandon, and Chris are preparing to go the distance. Chris is coming up with plans while Brandon actively secures relationships w/ Haley and Ryan so that the 5 of us can work together. Meanwhile John and Johnny are just asking me a bunch of leading questions. I JUST WANNA TALK TO NED AND BE BACK ON IMPERIUM!! FATUM ONLY KNOWS HOW TO FLOP AND THATS NOT APART OF MY BRAND BUT IM STUCK HERE http://media0.giphy.com/media/D3ggX9iWqOHza/giphy.gif

*Skips to another idol search* Owen: Johnny, would you like to insert a coin? Johnny: Hold on lemme ask my consultant. *Johnny runs to Andrew bae* Johnny: Hey Andrew, I have this coin that I got from a random person one hour ago, and now Owen wants me to insert a coin into a dead arcade machine to either get a prize or punishment. I have a 1/10 chance of getting a half an idol, but it's made public, or you get a a challenge advantage/disadvantage, blah blah blah, should I take it? Andrew: Meh. You can only play in a main so many times, so ya might as well. Worst thing that happens is you find a half an idol and they announce it publicly *Johnny inserts coin, gets half an idol, Owen announces it publicly* VDFJKLSNVJKLSNDFJKLNSVDJKLNFJKLNVJKLSVDNSNDFJKLVNSJKLDFNKJLVSFDSNVJKDFNSJKLVNSDFJLKNVSJKLDNVJKLNSDJKLFNVJKLSNDFJ WELP! I've got another half of an idol, and boy oh boy I wish people didn't know about this one. Here's my big dilemma here. Haley has previously given me a half an idol to form a whole one, so i feel I'm the biggest asshat in the world if I don't give her this one, but at the same time, I'm still sitting on this egg, where if I survive another two tribal councils, then something is going to pop out, which can be a good thing for me, and I'm really NOT trying to give that up, especially if the thing that pops out is a half an idol, because I would love to have two. It'd be a Survivor Dream come true, but I also don't wanna get too carried away. I think if Haley brought it up, I'd end up giving it to her out of .... y'know, not committing Survivor Suicide and pissing off an ally, plus I think this thing I'm sitting on in this egg is an advantage like a special idol, and it may not even be a half an idol, who knows? But I still wanna play every situation the best I can, so time will tell how this all pans out. I'm sure i'll write more neurotic confessionals about idols as time goes on until I find out what's in this STUPID egg! All for now! TA TA TA from Johnny xoxoxox 

DAMN! I have a lot to say.  I will start with last round because I got too busy to submit a legit confessional.  So I came into this new tribe completely frazzled and on the bottom.  I had Bran from my OG tribe who never spoke, Coffey who I voted out of a game like 3 years ago, and Ryan who I also voted out of a game and put up for nomination a couple rounds prior. So to put it nicely...I felt FUCKED!   But luckily my angel is on this new tribe.  Chris is my savior.  We had exchanged snapchats back during round one and he was the person I had talked to most that round.  So I put my entire game in his hands.  He definitely took control of the round and made sure he had Autumn, Coffey, and Johnny on our side.  This was easy because Bran came off CRAZY from the get-go. He was trying to pit everyone against me the entire round without even getting to know anyone first - which comes off as shady.  I, on the other hand, just got to know everyone on a personal level so when it came down to the vote, they WANTED to keep me over Bran.   I may have taken a back seat in this new tribe in the strategic aspect but I definitely did not stop my social game.   When the votes came out, the plan all worked out and Bran was vote out.  At the same time, Johnny and Coffey voted Bran and lied to Ryan all round which fractured that relationship.  I made sure to message both Coffey and Johnny directly after the vote to literally bow down to them and thank them for saving me.  I pretty much told them that I owed them my life. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHEZ! What an eventful holiday.  The entire family came together for a Christmas feast.  Obviously, the feast was nothing but dramatic.   Sitting at the head of the table was Chris because he thinks he's the old, wise father who can survive anything.  He is the most respected member of the family and literally everyone goes to him with advice and ideas. Next down the line was Autumn.  She is the only daughter to Chris and his prized possession.  She will do anything for her father and does not like when anyone talks bad about him.  She is definitely a daddy's little girl.  She is also a charmer; she is the sweetest girl you will find in the neighborhood. Next to her was me, Brandon.  I am the husband to Autumn and the son-in-law to Chris.  I managed to pick up Autumn when I moved into the neighborhood and it was love at first sight.  I also became fast friends with her father.  However, I am greedy and Chris is quite rich so I am pretty envious of his position at the head of the table.  There is nowhere I would rather be. Sitting right beside Chris on the other side of the table was Ryan.  He is Chris' youngest son and Autumn's brother.  He left home right after high school and never turned back.  He loves his family but he separated himself from them.  During the holidays, he tries to make mends which usually lasts for a month tops after the new year.   Right beside Ryan was his new girlfriend Haley.  This was Haley's first time meeting the family and she made quite the positive impression.  The entire family loves her almost as much as Ryan does.  However, not the entire family is quite as loving and accepting. Next to Haley was Johnny.  He is the first of the twins and he doesn't really get along with the family.  He tries to keep things on the down low by lying about his issues but they run very deep.  He had a flask in his pocket throughout the day so he could drink away his problems.  He stole money from Chris and tried to get Autumn and me divorced last year.  The family doesn't like him very much...they tolerate him. Finally, at the far end of the table was John, the other twin.  He is the nicer of the twins.  He tends to keep to himself and not really take sides.  However, everyone knows he will fall on the sword for his twin brother. ~~~~SECRET SANTA~~~~ Following Christmas dinner, the family headed outside to compete in the 66th annual neighborhood Christmas games.  We all tried to come up with our best strategies but we lost to the rich family next door.  (They win every year). So right after the loss, we all headed inside to do Secret Santa.  It was quite the tradition.  It was also quite shady because not everyone got something.  First was Chris.  He was given a disadvantage in the upcoming family game night.  Haley then received a huge advantage granting her half safety.  I received two disadvantages.  Finally, Johnny received half safety. ~~~~GAME NIGHT~~~~ In preparation for family game night, the family began to strategize (things got serious at game night).  Tired of the twins' antics, the entire family decided to put aside their issues to turn on the twins.  However, afraid of the advantage, we decided to make it look like nothing was wrong and that everyone was actually targeting the two new family members.  If everything works out the way they should then Chris, Ryan, and Haley will side together, myself and Autumn will side together and one of the twins will be the loser of Game Night. BDCFor real though, I have worked very hard this round to set myself up in a better spot.  I am the only one left from my tribe on this new tribe now that Bran is gone which puts me as an easy target. The second we lost, I messaged Chris and told him that we should create a chat with Autumn as the core three of the tribe.  I want Chris to continue to believe that I am his slave in this game.  I am the Natalie to his Russell.  He will not see me as a threat as long as I bow down to him.  At the same time, I made sure to message Haley and Autumn about their days.  I want to continue to work my personal connections with the girls so they trust me and like me.  The biggest news of the night though is that me and Ryan called and hashed everything out.   We agreed to put the past behind us and actually work together to get out the two people who are playing the game way too hard and being way too shady - Coffey and Johnny.  They saved me last round, but now they are after me for some dumb reason...don't come for me!!! So if everything works out the way I want it to, the votes will be split between the two Johns and one of them will be gone.  I am personally hoping to see Johnny leave because he is ~SHADY~.   As far as the game is concerned, I think I am setting myself up to be in a pretty okay position come merge.  I am probably perceived from the other tribe as being on the bottom because I am the only one left from my OG tribe.  I am perceived as having absolutely no power because of my strategy of bowing down to everyone's feet.  Plus everyone thinks me and Ryan hate each other so now that we are semi working together, that will help both of us make it further. I am hoping I can at least make merge at this point because I have tried really hard to solidify my relationships which will definitely come in handy at that point.  Hoping for the best, expecting the worst - like always!

I’m still shook that I haven’t gone to one tribal this season. Like. Whoa. But it also sucks a little cuz I’m not going to have as firm as a grasp on who is loyal to me and who isn’t come merge. But still. Being safe is pretty nice. 

I'm getting really nervous for tribal. No one is giving me straight answers. Stoner and Autumn said they wanted to vote for BDC way too quickly for  my liking. Haley has BARELY spoken to me since she's gotten back on this tribe, and Ryan hasn't spoken to me period since tribal council. I think I'm just going to tell Haley i'm giving her the half an idol I got last night, but waiting until after tribal, just in case, because I have no idea what's going to happen, and maybe if something is happening, she'll be more inclined to keep me because I haven't given it to her yet, and then if I make it past this tribal I think I'm going to give it to her. Tbh, she's the reason I have a full one in the first place, so it's only right of me to give her one too. I just wanna survive this round so bad because I'm feeling paranoid, and getting that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach i don't like getting in games premerge, but it's happening. oh well. only time will tell

STOP JOHNNY STOP!! YOU'RE BEING SO STUPID! Idk why I'm being so paranoid because like ..... this tribe is so easy. No one is going to do something that RASH this early in the game, and now I'm just getting the CRAZY PERSON EDGIC VNDFJKSLNVJKLDSFNJVKLSNDFJKLVNSJDKLFNVJKLSNDFJKLNVSJKLDNFJKLNSVDJKLNFJKLSNDVJLKNSDFJLKNVSLJKDFNVJKLSNDFJKLNVSDJKLNFVJL It's cool. i'm breathing again. After talking to BDC, he said it seems clear that him and Ryan are going to be targeting each other for their final showdown, and i'm ready for it. I just have this vision of me at tribal council, and then a Johnny pops up on a parchment, and I'm going to go home and cry, and I don't like crying, so I'm preventing that from being a possibility. We'll see. I just need to sit here and just wait and let people run around to figure out if it's BDC or Ryan. I'm hoping this is all truth and honesty right now. I don't see this many people turning on me this quick for no reason, and now that I have an idol CONGRATULATIONS OWEN YOU'LL BE GETTING THESE KINDS OF CONFESSIONALS FOR THE REST OF THE GAME

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=heew_FCZGLU

So, after last tribal Bran and I were blindsided with Bran leaving 5-2. Leaving me on the outs. So I go to Stoner and tell him everything I know. That the John's are using Haley, that they have 1.5 idols, that they were so messy on the last tribe we were on. I call Haley, we talk the second she came back. She literally told me Johnny PMd her while we were on call that "it's okay Ryan's not around right now" when I was around all day and night! It took a day for Coffey to PM me and two days (on Christmas dinner) for Johnny to PM me. So fuck them. I call with BDC tell them that they're targeting him, and it works since they're not actively talking to BDC anymore. Coffey gives me his idol half which lol I'm still going to fuck you over. So Haley/Stoner/BDC/me/Autumn and I decide to form a 5 person alliance to get Johnny and his idol the fuck out of here. It's probably not the best move for merge coming back I've felt so empty this game, like I already won and recently and I can't put so much effort into this game... but now I found my motivation, which is revenge. Love you as a friend Johnny but you don't fuck with me and I don't follow anyone.

my tribe won again twirls nothing much has happened really no game talk since we haven’t lost yet so um goes back to playing my switch 

i got half an idol in my pussyyyyyy @cole 

Well this round I definitely felt like I was going to be at the bottom coming back since I didn't really have my tribes trust. Turns out that I'm actually in the numbers and Johnny is so fake he thought this would be an easy vote this round but he's at the bottom. I'm just happy to have the fab 5 which is stoner, Ryan, bdc, and Autumn.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N2Kr9Qmhe3Q

It’s a FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC feeling to have a hidden immunity idol in possession. I have my safety net. Even better, Johnny gave Haley his idol half to earn trust... we’re one half away from a SECOND idol. Ned had his half from before swap so I could very bring these two halves together, and then I’ll know where another idol is. The plan is for Ryan, Haley, and myself to vote Johnny. If an idol is played, we have Autumn and Brandon voting John. It’s foolproof IF no one flips. And the only person who would possibly flip is Ryan and I quite frankly don’t see that happening. Unless  he’s playing me but I just don’t see it happening. He’s leaked so much info to me since last round. If by chance John and Johnny both play an idol, they should be voting Brandon... so I’m safe either way :)

Based on the abundance of people looking in the storybook this round, I think it's pretty clear that the "personal reward" was just a coin. I ended up not taking the temptation, because I quickly realized that it was offered to everyone, and I didn't want to look sketchy or avoid losing immunity. Regardless, I already had a coin, and I ultimately decided not to use it because I don't want to put a target on my back by accidentally rolling a public advantage. Seriously, the second Owen started screaming "HALEY HAS A HALF IDOL" and "BRANDON HAS A CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE" my brain just went: https://media.giphy.com/media/DdQJi7npuyvPW/giphy.gif Sam and I have also gone back and forth recently talking about how much we love each other. I really do think we have a lot in common and I think she's an amazing person. It's just... the only other time she's ever said such nice things to me, she backstabbed me that day. I'll keep her handy as a possible side ally, but unfortunately, there's literally nothing she can do to make me trust her again. I guess we'll keep up this fake front of "You're my best friend!!" until one of us blindsides the other, and I just have to make sure I'm the one who strikes first. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aTZsB3eg8_g/TnZgu37177I/AAAAAAAAAwQ/XfuJAgWQmOU/s1600/staceysurvivorsleep.gif Right now, my goal is just to win out until the merge and really start playing hard once that happens. Even then, not doing anything until the merge and riding to the end in a solid onion alliance probably won't net me the win, so I need to risk it for the biscuit and make sure I'm the one calling the shots.

WHY DOES THIS TRIBE SUCK. Why is fatum cursed. What did we ever do to DESERVE THIS?! Last round Johnny and I blindsided Ryan and I knew I would have some damage to fix. I talked to Ryan the next day and he was very upset that he was the only one to do what he said he was going to. I sent my half idol to him in order to let him know just because I voted against him then didn't mean I was against him. Haley came back, which is exciting yet scary. Idk what she's going to do or if I can fully trust her again yet. I got on call with her and she said people have been telling her johnny was going around calling her crazy. I am also a bit guilty of that because I told people about the nicole vote. I'm just hoping people aren't going to sway her because she could be easily swayed by someone like chris. We lost by a landslide and this vote is looking like it's Brandon vs ryan. Frankly I am terrified. Stoner says he is going to vote for Brandon but I'm terrified that haley might flip or Brandon could play an idol. This seems too easy. I'm hoping all goes our way tonight 

Well fuck this, I'm out. I saw this coming and just didn't play my idol, and I'm sure they were all SHAKING in their boots because of it too. The cast was boring as fuck, none of them are people I think I wanna be friends with after the game, except for John. Thanks for having me. Ryan is an overemotional cunt who needs to get outside and stop playing games. I play a game every three months and now I think it's safe to say I have very few left in me, and I'm glad this game happened to give me that closure.

So Bran got voted out and I’m so conflicted. On one hand I’m really sad because Bran was going to be loyal to me as being a fellow hunty of his, but on the other hand I’m glad he’s gone so now I can be more of a free agent. The only thing holding me back from being completely free is Ryan. He’s a huge competition threat and if people don’t get him out he will steam roll the merge. Also side note on this tribal: I have yet to converse with Brandon but I already know I don’t want to. His fucking introduction into the game was extra, his voting confessionals are extra, he is so extra and not even in the cute way. He uses “💁🏻‍♂️“ unironically and I want to throw up, our arsenic into it, and eat my throw up just thinking about it. ANYWAYS!  I’m immune again and honestly I’m getting really bored. Invite just tapping my feet doing challenges and waiting for the merge where I can finally socialize and strategize and fuck up my game like usual. I think I’m considered one of tumblr survivors worst players but this season I’m here to prove to myself and everyone else that I will play a game that will get me the win, it may not be flashy flip-floppy ways like the old days, but I will win.