#even when we talk about the serious stuff its never about the grief

[udurghsigil]

3, 22, and 23 for the choose violence ask game >:]

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr i've been lucky enough to not see Too Many bad takes on here but the worst had to have been the guy saying that stakhtemy is incest because they are adopted siblings when 1. no they arent 2. theyre childhood best friends 3. isidor was going to adopt stakh so that someone could continue the burakh menkhu lineage had artemy not returned 4. he didnt actually adopt him . and then went on to harass a couple of my friends about his blatantly incorrect take 22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores PENTIMENT HAS SO MUCH STUFF ABOUT GRIEF IN IT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE GRIEF I'M DYING TO TALK ABOUT THE GRIEF. DEATH OF LOVED ONES THE PASSING OF TIME HAVING TO CONTINUE TO LIVE ON WITHOUT THEM. WILL YOU GUYS STOP DRAWING YAOI AND FOCUSING ON THE CUTE MOMENT GIFS TO TALK ABOUT THE GRIEF. GRIEF!!!!!! (<- GUY WHO PLAYED PENTIMENT WITH HIS GRANDPA DURING THE TIME BEFORE AND AFTER HIS GRANDMA DIED) ((yuri artists i salute you though)) 23. ship you've unwillingly come around to i could say this about so many things. altho i've somehow gone from anti-burda to pro-burda to "i don't really care much anymore but im sick of seeing it" on burda. anyways before i really got the chance to play much of patho i just saw it as a boring yaoi ship with no chemistry (and artemy could do better also) but once i really got thru it i saw the fun. it also helped seeing certain fanarts that tugged at my heartstrings n i was like... hrrrnngg.... i guess its..... its not so bad....

[charleslee-valentine]

Chance

For the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Disability Pride Month Event: Day Five- Victims

Word Count: ~1,600

Warnings: Death mention, mild internalized ableism, grief and anxiety.

_________

Turns out a giant grenade blast echoing around cave tunnels could do some pretty serious damage to the ear drums. Also turns out hearing aids ain’t some magical fix for hearing loss like Stretch might’ve once thought. Curse her former self for being so clueless about this way of life. Privileged little lady she used to be.

Bopping her head to music of any quality, let alone the shitty radio approved stuff, ain’t an option any more, took it for granted while it lasted. Hated that job and loved it at the same time, but she was too hard on it all. Only way they’re getting any of her ears back to working is surgery and tapping into bone, which Stretch ain’t willing to allow. Stitches and blood and metal in her head, just seems like a bad omen still.

Losing Lg would always be the worst part though. Take all her hearing, take her vision and her tongue and her spine, none of that would matter if sweet Lg hadn’t been taken down as a pawn.

They’d’ve found a way to talk without words and deafness getting in the way. Lg would’ve been patient and calm when she had her fits of frustration over the tinnitus making the inside of her head ring like a church bell.

She wears his keys on a necklace chain and as many of his clothes she could track down on her back. Keeping at least his memory close if he can’t be there in person. Guilt and regret and all can’t last forever when they were the sacrifices. The fault, if they’re really gonna place it, can only go to Lefty Enright, but he’s dead too. Checked to be sure when they were investigating that damned explosion and started pulling bodies out. He’s still legally a John Doe, but she recognized his mangled face.

Three hundred and eleven unique sets of bones were recovered from that place alongside him. Almost none of them complete, maybe being just a finger or two that didn’t belong to one of the more full bodies they were finding and had to be classed on its own. Among them, most of Lg was recovered and buried, gratefully including his face and his hat. That meant her business was done.

That’s her reason for stayin’ inside so much now. Her mama calls and she screens it right away. Writes a letter or a card instead that never gets a response. Doesn’t leave the house except for to restock on supplies. Food, hygiene, bullets. That kind of thing.

Against her better judgment she has a television in her kitchen, watching adverts for things to grab on her trips instead of browsing the shelves. Tries new things and usually hates them so bad she reverts right back to the routine that’s keepin’ her living. Stretch won’t stay out in the world a second longer than she has to.

Unless it’s to drop by the bulletin boards.

Stretch keeps track of the missing posters. The immortalized ink-blot faces she hopes she doesn’t ever have to recognize. When new ones appear, that’s her sign to make herself scarce again until it feels safe, and even then she’s got her pistol in her purse and a knife in each pocket. Never too careful. No such thing.

But nothing could prepare her for the day Lefty’s face joins the sea of forgotten souls.

“Enright, Boude AKA Lefty. Last seen in October of 1986. The missing person suffers from schizophrenia and is likely off of medications. He may be confused and in need of medical attention. We ask if you see him not to confront him. Contact The Hardesty family investigation in cooperation with Fort Worth police.”

The phone numbers listed included the police station, the sheriff's personal line, and one Sally Hardesty.

The last time Stretch saw that name she was readin’ in the paper that Sally’s tormentors had struck again killin’ those two kids on that bridge. Following that lead had doomed her to a similar fate. Similar losses. Everyday she regrets being stupid enough to play that tape and believe Lefty was going to call in backup and help. Turns out he wasn’t even a ranger anymore when she met him, but it’s too late to stay furious.

Stretch scrawls the numbers on the back of a receipt and gets the hell out of there before she breaks down inside a super store. Might be a hell of a sight to take her little ass to the garden section and wield a hedge trimmer like a saw against imaginary threats. Could go down in flames like the man ‘ come before her.

Instead she goes home and cries into her couch pillow ‘til she can’t breathe through her nose and passes out into a feverish sleep. Real badass now, huh. Sometimes she wonders how she even survived. If all of her did.

All by herself she crawled on her belly through Hell and she’d be damned if she just laid down and died after all of that. So why is she so nervous to just dial the phone and tell Miss Sally Hardesty the truth and the full one at that.

Well, maybe she wouldn’t have the heart to tell her the kind of man her uncle was. Sacrificing her and Lg when he knew better than most the brutality of that family. At this point it’s not even a complicated ordeal. She doesn’t forgive Lefty, even dead and gone. Why should she? She hasn’t just stopped loving poor Lg.

Still Sally deserves to know he’s dead. Closure and all. There’s just the problem or Stretch’s ears. Phone calls don’t work for her, the fuzz of traveling voices blocking out just about anything she might’ve been able to hear in the muffled way she does.

To the library it is. Computer records, phone books, she’ll be able to get an address for Sally off of that phone number and send her a letter.

It takes two trips, but she succeeds, her letter already written between all her frantic digging. The chase, the investigation, it makes her heart race and catch in her throat and she struggles to breathe. Actions like scrolling, filing, flipping through pages, it all reminds her of her job at the radio station. Of the beau who was by her side back then. Has to shake off the nostalgiac haze when she leaves.

Stretch is grateful once she can just mail the letter informing Sally her posters are futile, then maybe take her mind off it for a while.

The response comes only about half a week later, a good sign for their proximity and ability to meet up. Because that’s all Sally asked for actually. She wasn’t disturbed, didn’t call the police like Stretch might’ve if someone admitted to finding her address as public information.

Sally’s letter reads:

“Miss Brock.

I heard your situation down the grapevine. I wondered myself if I should reach out. I’m grateful you did first. My worried heart couldn’t decide one way or the other.

How can I begin this? Maybe with ‘I’m sorry.’ I’m sorry that I couldn’t convince them that Hell on earth was real in time. I’m sorry you got dragged into it and further down by my uncle. He’d always been that way, too headstrong for his own good. I guess I suspected all along he was dead. Two years is a long time to be on his own somewhere.

I hope it’s been long enough for you to heal somewhat. At least physically. I haven’t been quite the same since my survival and it’s been sixteen years for me. Please pardon the wobbly handwriting, my hands still shake. If it’s alright, I’ll pray for you. That the doctors may find a way to help your hearing, or better, that inventors might create a way to make the world easier without having to change you. It would be nice if the world could change for us once.

Miss Brock, it would mean a lot if we could meet in person. I trust you’ll bring protection and I will too. I carry a Cobra everywhere I go. Together I think we’d be safe enough to at least grab a coffee. I know a place. Write me back if you’d like, or don’t. I’m grateful for having the chance to have ever written you either way.

Thank you for sharing the news about my uncle, and for bringing some light back to this broken old wench’s day. I’ll get over my heartbreak eventually.

-Sally Ann.”

Stretch reads it over and over, like if she does it enough times the letter might reveal itself to be a trick or trap of sorts. Nothing stands out. Really, she figures their mutual tormentors likely wouldn’t even be able to spell well enough to write a letter like that. Or mail it in a darling pink envelope.

Scared as she might be, to accept leaving the house, and communication with a stranger she had to essentially stalk to find and the moral qualms of all that, on top of struggling to communicate at all with her deafness- Stretch finds this is the first time in two years she’s had something to look forward to.

She cries again, not ashamed of al the tears that fall by this point, gettin’ little wet splotches all over her page while scrawling her confirmation. Sally will likely understand.

“Blessed Miss Hardesty.

I’m there. Let’s do this next week sometime. I won’t go out ‘til after Friday, the 13th. Is that alright?

-Vanita Brock, but you miss, can call me Stretch.”

[callibones]

uhhh hh ..... hello! this is the same anon who sent in that ask about object camps. the camps you suggested sound really interesting! im a little too scared to join them for now haha but they sound really cool. they will rotate in my mind for a while i think HGFDSFGHJGFDSDFGH other than that .. 1 . i came across the wiki camp two and it looked so creative and interesting to me! i dont program in css that often anymore but the site makes me wanna go over and put in a bunch of pages. problem is.. i don't know how to Apply? or Do Anything? rn the site is locked for voting but just in general i tried reading the rules but still couldn't understand how it worked. if you knew anything about it that'd be nice. it also seems to have a discord server..? again im scared to check myself but if youre in it i wanna know whether it's a nice space to be in.

2 . uhhghgfdghj i peered through the rest of the blog and found the shelled one blaseball fic you posted ? and i think im really Normal about it. So after reading that i now trust your fanfic opinions. are there any other blaseball fics you'd strongly recommend? and uh general.. uh, evil mind controlly fics would be really nice too (the book of bill is also sort of ruining me along with this so i am truly looking for ANYTHING and like omg hbdxszexrdcfdsxrctvdxszaf) and thats all i wanted to ask you! sorry this is getting REALLY LONG i wish you well and i am So Sorry for bothering you!

HELLO AGAIN! not botherin me at all. :-] i was hopin youd find that answer.... i made sure to answer it at the same time u sent the question so you'd have a MAXIMUM CHANCE of findin it, and u Did! so Yay! welcome back. im going to tag my answers to your Post's with 🩸🟪 so we Never Get Separated Again. but i want you to know.... i don't bite! i literally can't on account of my face is a monitor. so if you wanna chat, feel free to dm me! you seem like a really fun person and we clearly have a lotta interest's in common so Consider That: An Option.

ANYHOO.

1) the wiki camp 2 is ABSOLUTELY a welcoming community. in fact, check this out: here's an index of plainly written explanations of various community in-jokes, to ensure nobody's left confused! while i'm not super active on the discord due to hyperfixating on single spaces at a time like some sort of cryptid, i have a lot of wonderful friends in the community and i'd wholeheartedly call it nice.

you don't have to apply to write, either! while i don't think there's an ETA yet on when the wiki's re-opening, whenever it does you'll be able to make an account for free and start creating to your heart's content! sometimes people who do that even get roped into the camp due to Token Shenanigans....

2) look. i get it. how much do i get it? the post you're talking about was written by my bill cipher fictive. and guess what book made me pick THAT thing up? we're in the same boat. i'm (RELATIVELY) normal 'round these parts, but if you do end up dropping me a line, maybe you'll happen upon some of my stuff? just sayin'. but as for what i can do for ya at the desk here...

thing is, i actually haven't read that much blaseball fanfic. i know! i WANT to. i have a list, which i'll reblog with your special tag right after this. but my brain doesn't let me read a lotta long stuff these days, which is SUCKS! i might poke around some tags and see what i can find, but that spectacular shelled one fic's the only one of its kind i know.

if you wanna read something Long and Serious and Really Really Good that's haunted me for years, put your eyes on Oil and Water, the shoe thieves disaster marriage classic about grief and autism and family and other such things.

then read everything else that catches your fancy, and send me your picks! and hey. if anyone reading this wants to help a cute anon out and knows some fics (or wrote some fics) that fit the Bill i mean the bill, PLEASE lemme know!! i Understand wanting more evil mind control. it's kind of my whole thing. PLUS i'm literally the shelled one's favorite

[the-bi-space-ace]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

(for the “directors cut” ask thing lol, any wip ya want :D (although i’m particularly invested in The World Tumbles Down ofc))

OOOOOOH BOY. Thanks for asking 🩶

Okay I have been really excited to share some more stuff about The World Tumbles Down so I’m sorry this is going to be long 😅😅😅

I think the best way to start this is to open it up with dialogue from a later chapter that came to me randomly that I wrote down the other day:

“Has anyone seen Rex?”//“It’s okay. It’s okay to cry, Rex.”

Both said by Echo….have fun deciding when (and why) that’s going to happen!

This fic means a lot to me. For a lot of reasons. Calling Me Home was the first fic of mine that I put any serious planning into. It has a storyline I’m particularly interested in. It’s about a lot of things but at its core it’s about Echo learning to grieve Fives and start sharing his life with the rest of the batch. Yes, it’s an order 66 fix it, but it’s Echo intentionally finishing what Fives started and learning to not let his grief ruin his memory of Fives.

He started opening up, he really has. It really started with Hunter and I spent a lot of time building him up to that. Hunter asks for the first time way back in the third chapter of the first story and Echo doesn’t even give in until chapter 14 of the second one. He puts walls back up pretty fast bc of… well… everything. In the chapter I’m going to post today he’s going to let that wall down a little more with another batch member. It’s a somber moment but it’s also heartfelt and he really needs it. He’s slowly opening up to them. He’s learning. It’s just taking a lot of time. It’ll be worth it, though.

The World Tumbles Down is the struggle era of this fic. Everything they know is getting torn down and typically strong characters are going to be broken down throughout this. everything else has been more or less in their wheelhouse. It’s a mission. They’re used to missions. This is different and they’re struggling to reconcile everything.

Especially after this next chapter. I hate to say that things have been easy so far but… things have been easy. Chapter 7 is when everything falls apart/together so we’re almost to the most intense parts of the fic.

I want to touch on Trick for a moment because he’s going to become important as we move forward and… his life is really irreversible changed after all of this. He’s my sweet, lovely, snarky boy and I love him dearly but oof. He doesn’t come out of this unscathed. I’m not going to kill him don’t worry don’t worry. But he is going to suffer :)

Lastly I think I want to touch on how I go about writing this fic. I have a goal of writing the first draft of two full chapters plus one new fic idea each month. I’m currently up to writing chapter… 12? I think it’s 12. That’s my last writing goal for the month of May. I write veryyyyyy far in advance. Mainly because if I don’t have concrete goals I likely won’t write and I’ll get overwhelmed. It’s also to give my partner time to edit and make suggestions. We’ve changed the timeline of major events in the middle of the fic and we only caught those plot holes from me writing this far ahead. This plot is more complicated than I’ve written before and I was incredibly anxious about it leading up to posting it. Writing ahead like this gives me the time to see how a decision in chapter 3 impacts chapter 13. I am almost constantly writing, along with working on new stuff too. It’s fun, I enjoy doing it like this. It works for me! All of that to say that I’m working very hard to make this fic great for everyone and I am excited that it has been getting so much love <3

Thanks for sending this ask I will never pass up a chance to talk about this fic 🩶🤍🩶🤍

Link for the ask 😊

[rosencrantzsguildenstern]

Character: Kujo Takamasa

First impression

since i first saw him in rikus fucking. 1st beat flashback. i knew that man was sus as hell amen! i was super curious since we got that bit of knowledge that tenn left with a random guy and basically had this prediction that he was AWFUL and the cause of all of tenns problems. in the first actual scene with him i was mostly like 'what a cool scene!' but as soon as we learn he's tenn AND AYA'S dad i was like. oh i bet he's why tenn works himself into the ground and has all these weird complexes and won't talk to riku i bet kujo’s this horrible abusive guy. i even wrote this little tenn&aya angst fic back in october when i was watching 2nd beat that holds up decently well (it was basically a sickfic where tenn was like ik im sick but I Have To Go To Work bc otherwise kujo’ll be pissed and aya was like My Mom Died Of Illness) but definitely has some inaccuracies and missed how interesting tenn and aya's characters and complexes are. anyway i hated that man!

Impression now

I LOVE THIS MAN!! he has every disease <3 <3 <3 i love his hair. i love his vibes. i love when he fails at life. he's still an awful parent who did/does definitely traumatize tenn but it's in a fun funky way. i love a man who goes insane with longing. i also just really like the little snippets we get of him existing. being himself. his personality entertains me. i like his dramatic monologues and i like that he’s goth

Favorite moment

oh my god. when the high school trio corner him in a hallway and he’s like “when did i start running a children’s counseling hotline” my friend. perhaps when you started using them as raw material for idols??? its so funny hes like. whats up with these kids ❓

Idea for a story

THIS IS SURPRISINGLY HARD bc i give him a lot of screentime in my stuff that ISNT centered around him but then with just him all im thinking of is easy little character studies where i wax poetic about zero. OH!! actually i’m always dreaming up dumb kujo family crackfic. they go to the grocery store. (i actually have snippets of this one thought up.) they go to a diner. they go on an overly long drive and hate it. haruka is always there causing drama. its a beautiful world

Unpopular opinion

ONE TIME I SAW A FIC MAKING HIM HOMOPHOBIC nah. hes gay. hes homophobic against haruki specifically. but in general taking an antagonist and making them do allllll the bad stuff is never my jam. also w that the idea/theory that he fucked over zero, like pressured him too much as a producer? i could see him being the reason zero disappeared, but i don’t think he could or did Manage zero— if he overwhelmed zero, it was probably with excessive love and devotion— like i bring up in the favorite relationship section he’s the guy who says “this song is the most amazing thing in the world” and gets so excited about it he breaks your stuff!

Favorite relationship

i thought about this for a little but i think i gotta say him and haruki! apart from them being the choice with the most history, their dynamic is just fun— harukis a jokester. a free spirit. a silly guy if you will. and generally laid-back/unattached- while kujous very serious and singleminded. add in Beef and that they used to be really close and it’s so fun; i also think a lot about the flashback scene where haruki’s having kujo listen to his new song and kujo’s like THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER MADE!!!!!! what a hypeman :> and harukis like don’t break More of my glasses so that’s another fun touch of contrast in their dynamic

(and god. i’ll make this last forever kujou vs here for a good time not a long time haruki. what a pair to trap in endless grief)

i also actually really like his and gaku’s dynamic? all their scenes together are really strong, it’s really satisfying seeing gaku tell it like it is— with all this care for tenn and knowledge of tenn’s issues embedded— and having gaku play kujo in the zero musical also brings out ALLLL the similarities in the two characters (that are really quite different) and makes every kujo-gaku scene during that period extremely fun bc gakus doing CHARACTER ANALYSIS

Favorite headcanon

ough… ive talked about this before but i think aya buys him best dad merch, haruka buys him stuff that says “worst dad” and he ignores what all of it says and just like. wears/uses it.

also i like the idea of him being consciously goth/alt but in different styles since before zero disappeared

[henrioo]

Hiii, since i’ve nothing to do and I love rambling, I’ll ramble abt how much I appreciate your writing.

When i first installed tumblr, i was already attacked by she/hers in fanfics (😥😥). Tbh i was tired of fem blogs, thinking everyone is fem or idk . You’re the first one piece blog i actually like. Whenever i want, i can just re-read your blog’s fics and others. I really like your account !! ^_^ finally a good one piece blog, the others aren’t really safe tbh. Like those who wrotes ‘gn!reader’ but hit you with ‘good girl, wife etc..’ or those who feminized ftm!reader.. like tf… anyway live laugh love your account (its really entertaining !!)

— SOSO’S

YES I LOVE RAMBLING TOO THIS BLOG HAVE MORE ME RUMBLING THAN STORIES PLEASE RUMBLE WITH ME

Yeah ik, honestly i know Tumblr before I even think about myself like a trans person, so having fem content didn't bother me at all at that time

But when I got back here last year I realized how much fem content exists, but I was like "nha it's fine, we still have some gn content I will be fine"

Spoilers, I didn't get fine

It's so rare to have real neutral content in gn content that this makes me so frustrated that when I started my blog, I always got this on writing "if you can't find or it's not good enough for you, then make yourself"

And I did and I went pretty fine I guess, at least my gn are really neutral I hope hahaha

But day by day got me more and more frustrated and my dysphoria was getting worse because I was missing having some real valid male content

I need my favorite look at me and say "I love you like a man, like a boyfriend, I want you to be my husband, the father of my children"

I need to read that they also see me like a man.

And then I went to look for male content and well, things can really be worse the deeper you go

And then I realized that male content here is a totally red flag and basically a big NO

Amab or afab doesn't matter, they all gonna treat you like a super shy delicate boy

You're always gonna be the bottom, and if you are the top then the bottom will be a FTM reader (why can't you top a cis man?)

You're always gonna be feminized and like panties and pink and nicknames to shame you like princess and whatever

The worst for me was seeing that most of that stuff was writing of male writers

Like, you are hating your own identity?

I'm sorry if you like to be some weird femboy that likes to be treated like a woman and a slave

But I'm sure most masc people (cis, trans, NB etc) genuinely don't like that

It's totally fine you wanting someone to validate your gender, regardless of the gender okay? That's why cis women like to be called princess and stuff

But seriously, this just makes my dysphoria really bad because omg can't nobody write just a normal male reader? It's not an alien, we are human like everyone, it's like they write about male like they never interacted with a man in their whole life?

Do you guys know that romantic and platonic relationship between gays are basically the same as a couple of lesbian or straight people? Right? We are not different from anyone

Ofc gays have their own fights but like??? Are you getting? Idk how to explain better

Then again the hit "make yourself" and that's what I'm making lol, I have a lot of hiatus due my mental condition, I'm not gonna lie about that

But I'm always doing my best to have more stories here, maybe I won't give you guys new stories every week, maybe I will take some good months on the ask, maybe I will disappear and get back

But I'm not planning on giving up on this project so soon

Writing male stories is healing not only you guys, but me, really healing me

And that's why I won't stop, I want to write about a lot of things, some stories I will talk about more serious things like dysphoria or homophobia because I think it is fair we have good stories talking about this

I want to write about comfort, about angst, about grief, about transitions, I want to write about children readers and happy families

I want to write for FTM boys, NB boys, cis boys

I want platonic, romantic, nsfw, angst, long, short

I want all

Because I think we deserve that, and if I have the power to do then I will do

And see that not only me is being healed by my blog is always what give more determination to continue

Like I said, maybe not as fast as we all wanted, but I'm promise I'm here and I'm not leaving soon

Okay I talked a lot lol hahahah well thanks for that

I'm always happy to see you guys enjoying here, it really makes me happy, so make yourself welcome and enjoy!

[sociallyanxiouscryptid-writings]

Old Friend

This is based in a world of one of the OC world’s that I want to turn into a bigger project but am using these snippets to further explore and expand the world. There is a little bit of context missing for the over all world here but trying to add it just made things too clunky but if you are interested I am more then happy to talk about my OC stuff. 

Summery: Hero finds a villain safe house and didn’t expect to find anything there. But they did, and they may regret it. 

CW: Guns, fighting, mourning, grief, talk of death, abuse, neglect, beatings, abandonment, being used, let me know if I missed anything. 

~

Hero would recognise their face anywhere, even after so long, even with age, Hero knew them. They could do nothing but stare, grief and guilt and confusion fighting for space inside of them. Their eyes watered, their stomach ached and Hero just stared

“Well, this is an inconvenience,” Villain sighed.

Hero’s mouth opened but their tongue didn’t work. The pair of them stood in the backyard of a house, some safehouse or other that Villain had been using. Hero had found the tip off but hadn’t expected anyone to be there, let alone them. Villain stood in the doorway of the house, a white light shining behind them, a yellow light shining down from the veranda making Hero feel dizzy.

“Childhood friend?” Hero found their tongue.

“It’s Villain now,” Villain said, “Childhood Friend died a long time ago.”

“You died,” Hero said. The grief and confusion gave rise, mixing with a twisted joy that wanted to pull Villain in and hug them tight. But Hero’s head swam, how were they alive? Why were they alive? And why were they here?

“I pretended to, yes,” Villain said curtly, “its easy when everyone already wants you dead.”

It took a moment to process that. To fit that into the alignment of memories, the funeral, the fire. And all this time they were still alive?

“But why? Why fake your own death?” Why leave me, they wanted to say. Didn’t.

“Why?” Villains brows shot up, “are you serious? Why? How about all the abuse, the neglect, the amount of times I was almost beat to death and the carers couldn’t care less. I was better off out on the streets then in that orphanage. If I hadn’t the tutors would have killed for sure, one more outburst and I was done for. Not that you ever believed that.”

“But why didn’t you tell me? We could have run away together.”

Villain snorted, it was the most heart-breaking sound in the world.

“Right because I was going to bring you with me after the way you reacted, not to mention if I took the golden child, they would have never stopped looking for us.”

Hero’s fist clenched, their jaw, everything tensed.

“I thought you cared about me, I thought we were friends,” Hero said.

“So did I, but you abandoned me first.”

“You murdered a tutor,” they yelled, “if I had any hope of getting into the gifted program I couldn’t take your side.”

Villain shook there head, “yeah because a program is more important then your friend.”

Yes, Hero wanted to say. They had, had plans, a way for them both to escape, but Villain went and messed that up. Because of Villain, Hero had to lie, had to pretend not to care.

“I’m glad to see it was at least worth it though, you seem very happy with your new life.”

Villain reached into their jacket. “Happy I get to be the one to end it,” they pulled out a gun.

Hero jerked back, held out their hands.

“What the fuck? You’re going to kill me?”

Villain shrugged, “you know who I am, I can’t very well let that get out now can I?”

Hero’s heart pounded in their chest. They wanted to scream and shout and punch through a wall, but their body froze.

“I thought you were dead,” Hero said, tear slipping from their eye. “I mourned for you, I held a funeral for you.”

Villain hesitated.

“I know, I saw.”

A burning rage rushed through Hero and they darted forward, snatching the gun from Villain’s hands. The pair fell into a wrestle, each fighting for the gun, grabbing each other’s hands and limbs, trying to pull them away.

The gun clattered away and Villain lunged for it, but Hero grabbed them by the waist and dragged them back, clambering over them, only to be brought down as well. Villain got on top, tried wrapping their hands around Hero’s throat but Hero grabbed their wrists, yanked them to the side and rolled over.

“I fought for you,” Hero yelled. “I risked my life for you.”

Villain ended up on top again.

“And yet you still betrayed me,” Villain snarled, punching Hero.

The punch hit them in the eye, knocked their head to the side but regardless Hero raised their hips, knocked Villain off.

“You betrayed me,” Hero snarled back.

Villain made a break for the gun, but Hero tackled them like a football player on a field.

“You abandoned me and left me alone with them.”

“You sided with them,” Villain said.

Hero sat on top of Villain, trapping their arms against their chest.

“You murdered someone, what was I supposed to say? That it was ok?”

Villain wormed underneath them.

“Yes, because they deserved it.”

“You murdered someone Villain, I couldn’t condone that, don’t. You can’t blame me for that, you had to face the consequences of your actions,” Hero said.

“I was a child!” Villain screamed.

Hero stopped, the pair of them panting, tears now streaming down Villain’s face.

“I was a child, and I didn’t deserve to be in that place,” Villain got their arms free and pushed Hero off. Hero let them. “If I hadn’t killed them that day, they would have killed me.”

Hero stared.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” their voice came out smaller then expected, further away.

“I tried to,” Villain said, “but the moment you heard about the murder… the look in your eyes, I knew that was it. You were gone and I could no longer rely on you.”

Hero’s jaw tightened again.

“Villain I was trying to get us both out of there. With the gifted program you get resources you don’t get anywhere else. It was our only option. Do you think it was easy for me there? That just because I made them like me means they treated me any better? That place was built by monsters and run by them. If you had just played along long enough, none of this would have happened.”

“Played a long!?” Villain gaped, “did you miss the part about them trying to kill me?”

Hero opened their mouth, closed it.  

“You say all this,” Villain said, rising, “that you wanted to be free, and yet here you are, still working for them.”

Hero hesitated.

“What else was I going to do. The only person I cared about abandoned me, left me. I had no one else.”

Villain glared, “that’s just an excuse. The moment you were old enough you could have run and you didn’t because you liked getting their hand outs.”

“I-”

“Are you going to call me a liar? Say that I am wrong?”

No, Hero couldn’t, because they were right, they could have run away. But where? If they played along, let them use Hero’s power then at least they had somewhere to stay, food on the table, even money to buy themself things. With them they had the closest thing to comfort and security they could, and all they had to do was help prosecute the very people they were raised with. People like Villain.

“You destroy lives for your own selfish greed, for your own comfort.” Villain laughed bitterly, “you’re even made at me because I had no choice but to defend myself, to run away to save my own life. If you were a true friend, you would have listened to me, understood. You are nothing but selfish and I am ashamed to have ever called you a friend.”

Hero hadn’t realised it but Villain had picked up their gun again.

“Hope you enjoyed this little reunion,” Villain said.

~

Hope you enjoyed!

[flameheroesjourney]

[ 👪 ] what is your muse’s relationship with their parents like? was it always this way?

[ 🧸 ] does your muse keep anything sentimental? if so, what do they keep and why?

((*clap clap* oh boy was ready for this one. First and foremost I'll be transparent that I have adopted the ocs of Enji's parents, Teka and Yoshida by Ackers as canon. So let it be known I did not come up with them and i recommend you go to Ackers blog for their awesome art and headcanons.

Any way on with my answer.

Starting with what we know in canon

Lets start with his father since we actually have gotten a little bit of insight about Enji's relationship with him. We know that the death of his father was a driving force to his desire to become a Pro Hero. While this doesn't fully go into depth about their relationship but its safe to say that they were close or at least closer than Enji and his mother.

The fact we also don't even have any mention of Enji's mother and the fact she was not present during the arranged marriage meeting with Rei and her parents leads me to believe that she is not in the picture or dead though I'm leaning towards the first option.

Note: if you would like me explain why Enji's mothers absence would be odd I'll be happy to in another post because this gets into the topic of arranged marriages and match making services that do still exist in Japan.

Now onto the canon for this blog.

Enji does not often talk about his parents or his childhood as a whole because he doesn't have too many fond memories in that regard.

He was closer to his father than his mother, his father being the more proactive parent and was the glue that held their family together so much so that his death left a great wound that never healed.

Despite not being close, Enji's relationship to his mother had quite the impact on Enji. If you are familiar with Acker's character, Teka, you will know that she's not exactly the most pleasant person to be around and didn’t seem all to thrilled about being a parent. However ironically they both have similar personalities in terms of tempers and overall emotional disposition both having a serious case of resting bitch face and are for the most part humorless with some moments of vulnerability though only around people they trust. After the death of Enji’s father, his mother was unable to really comfort her son along with dealing with her own grief and in the ended up pushing Enji away much like Enji would end up doing to Toya. On top of that they are both very goal driven and will go to extreme lengths to achieve those goals even to a destructive degree.

The last time they spoke was at Enji and Rei’s wedding which Enji only invited his mother because Rei asked him to and they were about as cold to eachother as you would expect. Enji also felt bitter when his mother remarried feeling she was trying to replace his father which did lead to plenty of argument because Enji either threw hands with them or in one case sold all his step-fathers stuff online out of spite.

Ackers Twitter: X

Does your muse keep anything sentimental? if so, what do they keep and why?

One would assume that Enji wouldn’t be one for keeping sentimental things but he does but he is extremely guarded with them keeping them locked away in a lock box. A lot of these things are related to his father such as photos and his wedding ring there are also baby photos of his children, his and Rei’s wedding photo and a couple childish drawings (from Touya and Fuyumi mainly).

He had these things kept locked away in the past to avoid facing his vulnerabilities and past mistakes but now he uses these things as a reminder of why he has to become a better person and what he took for granted because of his ambitions.

In the alter for Toya the family has there is an urn with the part of the jaw bone found at the site of Toya’s death. It’s pretty obvious why he has kept that.

[shardcraft]

Catharsis

It was cathartic, I think, to see Techno’s dad talk about him. To hear all of those silly stories and to peek behind the curtain a bit. (I am sure Techno is suitably embarrassed!) Like he said, every day has laughter and tears.

Just the other day I finally mentioned his passing in therapy; I’d been carrying that burden for the last few months, trying to process that grief. And as I was driving this evening I realized that I felt so much lighter for having talked about it. And this feels like that; I had a good cry (I’d been teetering on the edge of one lately, especially during that therapy session), and so that was healing in its own right. So that quote especially hit home. There’s good times, there’s hard times, and we’ll get through them all together. There is such an amazing community here.

I remarked in therapy about how when the news broke, I shared it with family and friends who I knew watched him, a “heads up, this is a serious video, please be gentle with yourself”. I recalled how, while trying to share grief support information, I accidentally shared his merch link. We all laughed; How delighted he would have been at that! And how auto play had suggested a video with “I’m back” in the title, and another auto-played to say “I’m starting the stream... what could go wrong?”. And how everyone I knew all came together that night to share stories and favorite clips. And I told my therapist about how everyone has come together to mourn his death but also to celebrate his life. All of the laughs, and streams, and how he’s changed our lives for the better, in ways big and small. Providing a laugh on a rainy day, or a cool story to enjoy, or something new and enjoyable to help guide you through a dark time.

I found Technoblade in mid/late 2020. It was a pretty rough time for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. I had just moved to another state, alone, and didn’t know anyone. I didn’t feel comfortable going out and doing things, and, once my work season wrapped up, I stayed in town rather than moving back home. Since it was before I could get a vaccine, and due to my health anxiety, I stayed in. I only left for laundry and groceries, and even then as little as I could. This was not good for my mental health, to be clear; I was lonely and depressed and the whole nine. But I had been getting back into Minecraft/MCYT. I had found the Dream SMP, and its creators, and stumbled upon Techno. I can’t recall what video of his I watched first, but it clicked instantly. I loved his style of video, his wit, his sense of humor. And I started watching him and the other SMP members. I spent hours watching videos and tuning in to streams, and at those times, I didn’t feel so alone. I really dove in to the MCYT community here on tumblr, and I’ve made so many friends and done so much fun stuff; read some amazing fanworks, seen so so much amazing fanart, been connected to new SMPs and content creators. Even joined an SMP myself!

Technoblade, and the community he and his friends have fostered have really, truly changed my life. I’m so thankful that I got back into MCYT and Minecraft, and I’m so thankful to have known him.

Technoblade never dies.

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

hello hi i have not been alive for too long but here's my undefinitive guide on how to live and not feel miserable in the process by someone way too young to tell you how to do it, okay? okay (aka collection of advice i've been given that i want to share)

take all this with a grain of salt. i might wake up and think totally different tomorrow

love isn't what makes us human. however, i do think creating is. draw poorly. write shitty poetry. knit horrible sweaters. you have been tricked into thinking your creations are only worthy if they are good but that is a lie. make art.

you've heard of this before but quit the suicide jokes. a well timed "im going to kill myself" is funny from time to time, but your brain internalizes that stuff.

even if you don't have any close friends hang out with people. we're social creatures and we're meant to socialize (i know, it sucks.) but like i hate to admit it but i started having a better time in class after i stopped worrying whether people liked me or not and just started talking to them

things are meant to be used! candles are meant to be burned! clothes are meant to be worn! don't wait for that special time if you really want to use something. overdress light that scented candle use the fancy dishes when you're eating pizza drink out of wine glasses

not to sound like your grandpa but get off your phone. (im yet to fully master this one) im serious. i went on a walk the other day (i never do that) and i maybe looked at my phone twice. sometimes you ARE too much time on that damn phone and i swear to god today i made a commitment to try not to look at my social media feeds too much and i was in a good mood all day

the nicest thing you can do for someone in my opinion is give them food

be nice to strangers, also. i personally am planning on drawing portraits for people on the street and gifting them to them. my little way of putting joy into the world :)

never ever ever EVER apologize for being passionate about something. bitter people will tell you its embarassing but its a trap. love is never embarassing. be annoying about your interests

this one is a little weird i think. i keep a journal. every day i try to write at least One Nice Thing about my day. just one. it can be as small as "i saw a nice tree today" but it makes me realize no time is wasted even if i technically did nothing all day, i still lived to see a cool tree. which brings me to my next point

productivity is a capitalist invention. seriously. we don't live to produce. this is just to say you are not alive to be productive. i don't recommend scrolling endlessly and mindlessly either. just, i don't know, it's okay to not be productive all the time

when you feel lost you will always have music and movies and shows

sometimes all you can do in the face of grief is fold a shirt. watch a movie. go to sleep and wake up the next day.

we should all be at least a TINY BIT cringy about something

[blindrapture]

added a new section, which I will quote here for the fun of it

Some Additional Stuff To Know

Joyce's books take place, generally, at the turn of the 20th century in Dublin, the capital city of Ireland. That was a culture more similar to ours than one might expect, but separated by the ravages of time. Here is where I'll list some general tidbits of context that may help bridge that gap.

WHO THE HELL WAS CHARLES PARNELL? (a skimming of a complex situation)

Ireland was a colony of the British Empire, who kept a financial and political grip. The history of that is, uh, long and strained. There were, of course, nationalist elements throughout Ireland seeking independence-- the late 1800s saw a number of radicals attempting assassination, rabblerousing, terrorism (I should really refresh my knowledge of this and give a better list sometime), but the State prioritized their neutralization and the People generally tried to keep distance from them. Instead, it was far more common for Irish citizens to live with general discontent and political apathy, as the status quo was entrenched and they saw no way out anytime soon.

Then came Charles Stewart Parnell. From the 1870s through the 1880s, Parnell came to be known as a noble and respected politician who supported Irish Independence and had the know-how to pursue it democratically. He condemned the violent acts and commanded parliament the 'right' way. And so he gave people hope.

HOWEVER. Around 1890, when other attempts to smear his name fell through, one campaign succeeded in ousting him: Word got out about a scandal. Parnell had been keeping a long affair with a married woman (Kitty O'Shea). There were letters. The press took the story and ran with it. Parnell assured his supporters he would be exonerated, but it was too late. The Catholic Church were disgusted; its priests instructed their congregations to view him as a symbol of immorality and danger. And, y'know what, it worked. Parnell lost his public and never got them back. His health rapidly deteriorated and he died shortly after, in 1891.

This is all important to know, as James Joyce was a child when this scandal broke out. His father and uncle were diehard Parnell supporters, even through the scandal, while his governess piously kept with the Church. He witnessed the violent fracturing of a united home, furthermore of a united people. The next few decades were marked by generational grief and a sense of betrayal-- the pious felt betrayed by Parnell's immorality, the fervent felt betrayed by the People's disloyalty. Joyce fell on the latter side, and thus so did his fictional Stephen Dedalus.

If you read any of Joyce's books, you will find references to Parnell, and the broader symbol of a public that wants a hero so they can tear him apart ("Ireland is the sow that eats her young"). In Dubliners, the story "Ivy Day in the Committee Room" shows the remnants of a parliamentary party haunted by Parnell's shadow. In A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, you'll see the impact this had on a young Stephen. And Ulysses takes place over a decade after this all went down, so it's less direct, but the memory of Parnell still rests with the city. (During the "Wandering Rocks" episode, Buck Mulligan and Steve Haines see Parnell's brother!) And Finnegans Wake, finally, allows Parnell's ghost a chance to blend in with the rest of history as another HCE figure, builder of cities, father of peoples.

TUBERCULOSIS (was not to be scoffed at)

At the time of writing this website, we have a global, uh, sensitivity to viral contagion. Covid has us rethinking our place in the world. So it's with that in mind that I bring up TB, the scourge of, uh, a lot of human history, and certainly of the era in which Joyce's books are set.

look man, I'm not the best source for a well-informed overview of a serious disease. forgive me for the casualness here. the truth is, Joyce's books hardly mention TB explicitly, and this is in fact a subject I only became truly aware of like a year ago, so you'd be forgiven for glossing it over too, BUT THAT'S WHY THIS SECTION IS HERE, because TB is absolutely an implicit presence.

The people of Joyce's books know about TB and want to avoid it, but they would rather not go around talking about it because it's a bummer, and Joyce felt no need to spell any of this out because everyone was aware of TB back then, we are an outlier because we actually got a vaccine for it in the 20th century and it was a huge deal. TB is bad. You cough up blood, you deteriorate, you die. And it is very contagious.

People obviously did not have an internet back then, nor did they have airtight ways of spreading helpful information, they just had pillars of tradition that were optimized for specialized subjects and the robust if sometimes slow networks of gossip. General knowledge of TB was "it's bad, and it spreads somehow." There were theories as to how it spread, and therefore how to avoid it, but the common ones... well, their hearts were in the right place. The theory that struck closest, if still inaccurate, was "it spreads through dust and spit. do not make intimate contact with someone before marriage, and keep your house clean." Joyce himself had studied medicine and tried his best to keep up to date with this kind of thing, and that is the theory he sticks to in his books.

So. Dust, and intimacy (specifically with someone who already has TB). When characters in Joyce have dusty furniture, when characters are aware of the dust, keep in mind the deadly implications. When characters long for an intimacy that feels incredibly out of reach, I mean there are a lot of factors there, but remember this one in the back of your head. There is always more context than you know.

[troph4eum]

Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

[miens-reading-nook]

But You Have Friends by Emilia McKenzie

Pages: 120 Published: 8 Aug 2023 My Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Content warnings: suicide, loss

This is a story about loss, struggling with mental health and about suicide. But it's also a story about friendship, healing and moving on. Charlotte was the author's best friend who passed away back in 2018, and this is the story of their friendship, Charlotte's death and Emilia's life after Charlotte.

I received an advanced copy of this book in exchange for a honest review and hoowee, this was a heavy one.

Before I move on to the sadder parts, I just want to mention how sweet the beginning of their friendship is. A lot of times I feel like deep emotional connections in stories are reserved for romantic relationships, like people have forgotten how exciting it can be to make a new friend, to feel understood and seen by another person, to look at someone and think "yes, we are meant to be" in a entirely platonic way. You can be in love with someone without loving them romantically. Your soulmate can be your best friend. That's the beauty of human connection. And that's Emilia and Charlotte. Two girls who felt misunderstood and displaced everywhere they went except for when they were together.

And friendships evolve, people move away and life gets harder. You can't spend your days playing with your friends like when you were kids, but I was happy to see that they kept in touch the whole time and made an effort to see each other even when they were living in different countries.

I knew going in that this would be a difficult subject for me, but as the author explains in the beginning, this is not a comic about depression and suicide, it's a comic about friendship, so it's not as heavy as it could be. But it's authentic. It's very genuine in its portrayal of loss and grief, which means it was impossible not to tear up. Emilia's anger, her despair and how helpless you feel when you lose someone. All of it was so sincere. "If we can't or won't save each other… What's the point?!" Emilia wonders i the middle of the night. "It's so weird being here and trying to care about stuff that is ultimately pointless." She thinks when she goes back to work. Grief consumes you and makes you question everything. "I thought grief would put things into perspective, but instead, everything seems difficult and terrifying." I feel like the author managed to put down in words a lot of things I've felt but never managed to articulate.

One scene that really hit me was when Emilia dreams about Charlotte. "She doesn't know she's dead." That line broke my heart. There's nothing sadder than waking up from a dream where the person you miss wasn't really gone.

"…like she's from an earlier time. I hate that feeling." This line made me think of how weird it is to think about people who have died pre-covid. To look back and think, oh yeah, this person is from the "before" times. This also happens to your life, and that's more what the author was talking about, there is a before and an after a loss, but I hadn't though of how the pandemic also affects this.

I thought the way they honored Charlotte was really beautiful. I hope when I go, people gather around and tell stories about me that made them laugh. I want them to remember me with a smile on their faces.

And this story raises a lot of questions this subject always raises for me. How much influence do you really have over someone else's happiness? Can you ever really save someone? How much can it come from you, and how much does it have to come from them?

Anyway, I think this is a really beautiful story, it's heartbreaking, especially when you remember it's based on a true story, and I think it was told with a lot of respect.

The only thing I didn't enjoy as much was the art. I've never been someone that thinks art needs to be perfect or realistic to be considered art, but there were a couple of panels that completely pulled me out of the story. Namely when Emilia is saying something serious/sad and her eyes are completely exotropic, making it seem like she's pulling a funny face. I don't think it would be hard to go over it in the end and correct all these little mistakes.

And lastly, the title is incredible. That was what made me want to pick this up in the first place and I think it really works.

Many thanks to IDW Publishing for the ARC!

[cupcakesandtv]

I was gonna do a cute title like “Never Have I Ever suffered from poor plot pacing” or “Never Have I Ever been so attached to a character that it will slowly wreck the show.” But those were clunky titles and I’m not a tv writer (yet) so I’ll leave that alone. 

I liked the season more than I thought I would. I was worried that the Aneesa stuff would pit Devi against her in a way that felt icky. I was worried that they’d ruin Paxton. I was worried they’d forget all about the continuing grief journey. But they didn’t do those things. Well. I have some complaints but overall, if you’re not spending all your time drenched in fandom, it was good. It was fine. 

Maitreyi Ramakrishna made me cry. Poorna Jagannathan made me cry. Lee Rodriguez made me cry. Megan Suri made me cry. Also Sharon, Eleanor’s step mom? There was a bit where she got me really teary. Or as Paxton mentioned “puffy.” 

I laughed at Trent falling off the roof. I screamed at Paxton getting Regina George’d. I loved Kamala realizing that standing up for herself like Devi would was important. I chuckled warmly when Trent asked Eleanor to dance. 

Overall, it was lovely. 

But I think there were some serious pacing problems. It was smart to get the dating two boys mess kiboshed by the end of ep2. I liked that Devi herself was the snitcher and that her own hubris brought her downfall. She was not out here letting Zoe Maytag take her man or even pretend to. 

I didn’t like that we seem to have circled back to Paxton is dumb, doesn’t talk, only cares about popularity, and the show frames his attraction to Devi as only being physical. He liked her in season 1 because she was weird. She said things he didn’t expect. He got to be vulnerable with her. But I guess he just waited in his car for her all day (including having Chinese food delivered to his jeep) because he thinks she’s just hot.

I didn’t like that Ben is portrayed as not only attainable, but as the better match for Devi. The montage of things we see them doing is competing against each other, kissing, and like studying? It doesn’t seem like they have fun except when kissing. I feel ya, Devi, kissing is fun, but Fab is right, Ben’s grand gesture was dangerous and as boring as her dad’s daily commute. Fab is also right that Ben has never been nice to Devi and he’s been a jerk to Fab and Eleanor too. I didn’t see that improving at all over the season. Somehow they just accepted him into their group? Oh right, btw Ben still doesn’t have friends. He just has a different gf now. 

I didn’t like that Ben was the reason Devi was jealous of Aneesa. There were valid reasons that Devi was jealous of her and boiling it down to Ben felt like an excuse to keep Devi and Aneesa in conflict for longer than necessary. A lot of things felt dragged out and longer than necessary. But that’s to my point about the pacing and being attached to Ben to the detriment of the show. Why does Devi even like Ben? Literally what has he done? One grand gesture? And sometimes they banter. He still calls her “David” which still is so yikes considering how ethnic names are often mocked by white people. It’s like he enjoys having the high ground to be cruel after she hurts him. (The tattoo thing was mean in a way that felt way too much like he was rubbing her nose in it.) And even when they have those little moments throughout when we’re supposed to see that aw, they still like each other, they were just like him being the barest minimum of nice when Devi was suffering. I’m sure plenty of shippers will have list upon lists of things Ben has done and how he and Devi clearly like each other. But it was a lot of tell and not show. “Ben challenges me! I picked up 15 bags of trash today,” is such a weird way to think of someone you like?

The show’s attachment to the love triangle, and Ben’s part in it, will be the nail in its coffin. Just like Danny going off the rails and wanting Mindy to be a trad wife made so many of us rage quit The Mindy Project, the way they’ll continue to push Ben vs Paxton will keep us bored. 

Let me shift back to things I liked again. Absolutely adored Paxton’s episode. I know Chrissy Teigen fucked up and couldn’t be the narrator after all that bullying she did came to light but I would very much like to know what her script looked like because it was probably peak comedy. I feel like her image as a famous, hot asian american (pre the scandal) would have been a better fit than Gigi Hadid. But Gigi did well enough and I enjoyed it. Love that I nailed Paxton’s parents as hippies, it was DELIGHTFUL to find out they’re Jesus hippies. Can’t wait to write some religious trauma into Paxton’s story one day. Love Paxton’s grandpa and I liked how that worked its way around the whole season. I was impressed. OH ALSO SHOUT OUT TO GRANPAX FOR BELIEVING IN OUR GUY WHEN EVEN HIS PARENTS’ DIDN’T. I know I’ve previously said that I hated the idea of Devi tutoring Paxton. I think he’d be way too proud. But the show made it work in a way that made sense. And it was nice to see him come around to understanding he needed to do better for himself. I didn’t love Devi yelling at him that she couldn’t hold his hand forever but I liked the way it got him to see the reality of that point. He couldn’t use Devi as a crutch. He needed to do the work himself. Even if it was hard. I mean, he’s still a junior in high school and clearly he’ll be fine for senior year swim team but pish posh. It worked for the story to have that be a catalyst for him to figure his shit out. 

The “Crazy Devi” stuff really hit. I could see them building to it and I kinda hate that it never got back around to Paxton. I would have liked to see him assuring her she wasn’t crazy. Or even admitting that he started that nickname. (The whole time he was being ~mean to Devi it felt like the writer’s knew Ben was so awful last season that they had to make Paxton look mean too as balance but Darren clearly played it as Paxton being uncomfortable when he was mean to Devi. A contrast to Ben, like I mentioned before, enjoying being cruel to Devi.) I’m glad she went to her therapist about it though. I’m glad that Dr. Ryan assured her that despite her actions being extreme, they were based in pain and trauma and that didn’t make her crazy. The thing with her mom dating….phew. I have never related more, Devi. My dad died when I was a whole ass adult so my trauma is not the same. But the things grief can do to you: like say, when your widowed mother mentions a man more than once in conversation and you start imagining scenarios as to why she’s even TALKING about another man. I’ve been there, Devi. She was right to be hurt and mad finding out her mom lied to her. But I loved the way her Grandma smacked her and reminded her that her mother was an adult. Our parents are imperfect human beings like we are. They make mistakes, or rash decisions, and sometimes they do things just to feel. And Nalini needed to feel. I loved the way that unfolded. (Although I don’t think Common is a very good actor….sorry don’t throw tomatoes. He is very hot so I GET IT NALINI, I DO.) 

It’s like 1am so the last thing I’m gonna talk about is the made up hurdle of Paxton being embarrassed of Devi. I can’t believe they took an excuse that he made up to fool his sister last season (“I’m cool, she’s known for winning the spelling bee”) and made a whole goddamn episode about it. It was transparent as one final obstacle for Devi and Paxton to clear before they let them get together. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they ended up together. Him hitting her with his car and wanting to take her to the hospital, her demanding that he be clear about his intentions, that was all very cute. But Paxton has never been embarrassed of Devi. In season 1, he hung out with her without any qualms. He had her at the hot pocket. He cheered her on when someone tried to make fun of her after the party. Trent even looked UNCOMFORTABLE when he iced Devi out after her mom called him an idiot. His friends knew who she was and didn’t seem at all concerned with her social status. If anything, Paxton found that part of Devi refreshing. And in season 2, we’re shown that oh, during their brief time dating, he never referred to her as his girlfriend and oh Trent was always there. The explanation given makes sense I guess. But it doesn’t really. He wasn’t embarrassed because he was dating her and she lied. He was hurt. He didn’t even come up with the excuse of her not mattering to him until just before that car took him out. In season 1 when Paxton found out Devi had been telling everyone they were having sex, he wasn’t embarrassed. He was hurt. He thought they were friends. Instead, she was using him to raise her social status. But he didn’t rebut the rumor. He didn’t correct anyone! He wasn’t embarrassed. So this last ditch hurdle felt like they ran out of material. It was nice to see Devi stand up for herself and say that she wouldn’t just be the secret girl, but overall, it just wasn’t believable. Especially since they won’t let go of the love triangle and still left it WIDE open for Ben to swoop in next season. 

So while I’m glad they ended up together, it just feels like it will be switched up next season when she will inevitably date Ben. For some unknown reason. Idk he’ll probably cheat on Aneesa to kiss Devi. Again. That will probably set off more Devi apology tour and hijinks. But at this point, I’m over it. I think the show was best when it was about Devi (and Paxton) learning and trying to do better. But Ben really drags most of that to a grinding halt.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

AAAAAH!!! Petition for the news people to show Chris's face on tv and Akio and his mom see and come to rescueee -🦖

(follows from this piece, in what I am calling the Chris Saves Himself AU)

CW: BBU, some vaguely dehumanizing language, references to child abuse and ableism

"Mom! Aki!" Emi's voice rises loud enough to filter right up the stairs and into Akio's room, audible right through his headphones while he listens to his playlist of Tristan's favorite songs and lays in bed.

Akio sniffs, sitting up and taking the headphones off, rubbing the tear tracks off his face. It's still light outside - he never knows what time it is anymore, not since he quit gymnastics. "Emi? Did you say something?"

"Yeah, you better get down here like right now! Right now!" The urgency in her voice sets his heart to beating faster and Akio pushes himself up, taking the stairs three-steps-to-a-jump. His mother is right behind him, coming out of her own room with her book still in hand, thumb marking her place.

"Are you okay, honey?" Aimi calls out. Somehow even though she doesn't skip any steps she beats Akio to the bottom. "Em? Emi?"

"I'm fine, I swear, just-... look at the TV!"

Akio and Aimi swing into the living room, finding Emi sitting on the couch, remote in hand, groaning in frustration.

"Damn it, they just cut way from his-... hold on, let's see if they cut back before this ends. You have got to see this."

"Just what have I got to see?" Aimi asks, frowning, walking up behind Emi and absentmindedly tucking a bit of hair behind her daughter's ear. Emi sort of ducks-pulls away, rolling her eyes. "I'm almost to the bit where the ship sinks, Em."

"I know, I know, don't mess with your reading time but-... but look!"

Akio's eyes scan the TV, reading the chyron - the little moving headline at the bottom - that says MYSTERY BOY FALLS FROM BALCONY IN GOVERNOR'S MANSION - IN HOSPITAL WITH SERIOUS INJURIES - POLICE LOOKING FOR CLUES TO IDENTITY - GOV. BRANCH CLAIMS LEGAL PURCHASE FROM WRU - WRU DENIES CULPABILITY...

Talking heads banter back and forth about the seriousness of the scandal, the lack of documents to prove any kind of veracity to the governor's claims.

The anchors start interviewing a woman with short, dark red hair with a cold smile that sends a chill down Akio's spine. Karen Renford, WRU Representative to the Media, reads the little nameplate beneath her as she speaks.

"Since when do you care about politics?" Akio asks, head tilted. "This is stupid. I don't care about any of this."

"WRU sponsors your team, Aki-"

"It's not my team anymore. I'm going back to my room."

He turns to leave, but feels Emi grab at his wrist, and when he looks back her black eyes are pleading. "Please, Aki. Please. Trust me, you will want to see this."

He sighs. Everything feels too heavy to add one more thing to his days right now. But Emi is his little sister, and... "Yeah, okay." He moves around the corner of the sectional and flops himself down on it. He's put on some weight since he quit gymnastics, the waistband of his jeans digging just a little into his stomach where he used to have to wear a belt.

He doesn't care. It's... actually really nice to not have to care. He kind of likes himself better this way.

If only he didn't have to be grieving his best friend's death to get there-

"There!" Emi hisses, and her nails dig hard into Akio's forearm, hard enough for him to wince. "There, Aki, fucking look!"

"Language, young lady-" Aimi starts, and then falls silent. When she whispers, "Nantekotta..." That's when Akio looks at the screen.

Where his dead best friend is very much alive in a hospital bed.

He hears a thump and jumps, turning to see his mother's book on the floor, fallen from suddenly numb fingers as she stares unblinking at the boy on the TV screen.

Akio looks back and swallows, hard, and then swallows again. Inside him there is a sudden burst of fight between the despair and anger he's been living in and a kind of awful, horrifying hope.

"Tris?" He whispers.

"I told you!" Emi says, still holding his forearm painfully. He doesn't pull away from her - he can feel her starting to shake right alongside him. His eyes flood with hot tears and he has to blink them away to focus on the screen.

"-are speaking with the boy, who appears to be a legitimate WRU product. A simple barcode scan was performed, and police have the pet's designation, Facility number, and basic identification number." Karen Renford's voice speaks in voiceover. "However, WRU has been unable to find in our own records at the Facility any record of the boy's existence or training. WRU has strict ethical protocols surrounding the age of accepted trainees who apply, and it's increasingly clear that none of our Facilities would have taken on this individual, especially not our flagship Facility here in Berras-"

Akio hears none of this.

Instead, he hears only a rushing as loud as a waterfall filling his ears, the sound of his own blood pulsing through his veins as his breaths go shallow and gasping.

Tris is right there.

He's alive and he's right there.

He's sitting in a hospital bed, cringing back from the doctors speaking to him, looking at them with wide, terrified eyes. There are bruises around his neck like someone-... bit him, or something. His arms are bruised, wrists rubbed red in circles. He doesn't sway or rock or tap like Tristan Higgs, he sits perfectly, hauntingly still.

But it's Tris.

It's him.

"He's alive," Akio says, and his voice is strangled. "Tris is alive, he's alive, but he's-... he was-"

His mother's hand rests on his shoulder and Akio tenses at the firey rage he feels right through the tension in her fingers. "His aunt," Aimi says with a voice that cuts through bone. "His aunt told us he was dead."

"She said he-... you know... did the thing. To himself," Emi says, looking nervously sideways at Akio. "That he ran away and they found him."

"He told me she took away all his stuff and stopped giving him his meds and then she took his phone... why would she say all that if he was alive the whole time, Mom?" Akio looks back up at Aimi, and she looks back down at him.

He is terrified of her, in that moment. Scared of her the way you are scared of a bear rushing at you, knowing that you aren't much more than a matchstick in its way. But he also wants - needs - her to tell him everything is going to be fine.

Instead, she pulls her hand back off his arm and turns to leave the room. She murmurs to herself in a rapid-fire string of Japanese even Akio isn't quite keeping up with, and he jumps up to follow her, Emi on his heels.

"Mom? Mom, what are you doing? Mom, answer me-"

"Mom?"

They manage to catch up to her in the den, where she's picked up her cell phone still charging, plugged into the wall, and dialed a number.

"Mom-"

Aimi holds up one finger without looking at him, phone to her ear, and Akio's voice cuts off immediately.

"Yes, hello," She says to whoever picks up. "My name is Aimi Nakamura and I am calling about the boy found in the governor's mansion today. I believe I can tell you who he is." She pauses. "Who he really is."

Another pause.

"Yes, I'll wait."

Yet another pause. Akio and Emi stay in the doorway, staring at her in baffled confusion. Neither of them dares to speak when her face looks this way. They know better than that.

Finally, Aimi takes another breath. "Yes. Thank you. Hello, Detective... Davis. Right. My name is Aimi Nakamura." She rattles off her phone number and address when she is asked for them without hesitating. "Yes, as I said-... as I said to whoever answered the phone, I know who the boy in the governor's mansion is. I have absolutely no doubt... Yes. His real name is Tristan Paul Higgs. He was born-... oh, yes, sorry. I can slow down. His birthday is March 6th... yes. I don't know his social security number entirely but I know the last four digits were 6654... his mother and I were close friends. Veronica Botham Higgs - Ronnie. She was murdered, with her husband, it was a double-... oh, you remember? Tristan survived it. Custody went to his only surviving relative, Joanne Botham..."

Aimi swallows, and Akio feels Emi's hand seek his out and squeezes it tightly, reassuringly, as their mother's steel comes flashing to the surface underneath her usual deceptive tranquility.

"Joanne Botham works for WRU. Her nephew lost his family and was given to her. And now, more than a year after she told us he was dead, he falls out a window with a WRU barcode. I think you see where I'm going with this, detective."

Another long silence.

"Yes. I need about an hour and a half. Is that too long? Perfect."

She hangs up, and turns to look at Akio and his little sister. There is a startling brightness to her that makes Akio think she's feeling exactly what he is - grief and horror and rage and that awful swell of hope.

Maybe it really was just a horrible mistake.

Maybe he's never been dead.

Maybe he's still breathing.

"Put your shoes on," Aimi says in a flat voice. "We are going to meet Detective Davis at the hospital where Tris is."

[ramblingguy54]

True Colors: An Emotionally Fantastic Serious Game Changer.

If we’re to look back at Reunion as Season 1′s dramatic pay off for Amphibia’s message of toxic friendships, as Anne & Sasha’s conflicting dynamic showed us, then True Colors is a colossal expansive note on this big theme of the series. True Colors makes Season 1′s finale look like a walk in the park for what angst goes down between our three main heroins in Season 2′s climatic resolution. Everything that can go wrong does go oh so painfully wrong for these three kids. Anne, to no one’s surprise, gets double crossed by Sasha leaving things between them a Hell of a lot more bitter than they were previously, as if that couldn’t already be topped when Sasha tried to kill the Plantars before. Anne has had enough of her lies and manipulation not being afraid to tell Sasha straight up how awful of a friend she’s been in general, even hitting her where it hurts most of all saying, “No, I’m done listening to you! I’m done trusting you! You’re a horrible person and I am done being FRIENDS with you!”, going so far as to get a shaken reaction out of Sasha dropping her brave face act, making this girl try to wipe away the frog family.

Right off the bat, True Colors makes it highly evident this isn’t just another story of stopping a bigger threat, but one hitting much closer to home, overall. Yes, King Andrias is certainly a dangerous villain, who makes his presence and intimidating nature known to the others by True Color’s final act, which despite this Amphibia isn’t entirely putting him at the forefront, rather focusing on a more intimate study of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy’s big emotional conflict. This finale knows exactly where to put its focus of importance on, so I love that instead of it being action packed we’re getting the spotlight shined on just how screwed up these three of a friendship have, in spite of Marcy claiming in The Dinner episode, “We’re supposed to be friends for life. We don’t split up!’ . Very ironic stuff right there, indeed.

True Colors’ most powerful strength it adds to Amphibia’s ongoing profound story about healthy friendships is the thorough deconstruction of these girls defined “ideal relationship” as people. Before Anne came to the world of Amphibia this kid was afraid to stand up for what she believed in, even knowing especially well that stealing the calamity box was morally questionable, but did it anyway. Sasha was super manipulative, abusive, and used her power to control people, like she did a lot of toward Anne in their lives. Marcy, while very smart, wasn’t the most competent physically, who soon grew into being more independent without needing to rely on Anne always having to be there for her. These three were changed immensely by the events of being thrust into this world of sentient amphibian creatures. Anne benefited morally most out out of all three in taking up the mantle of responsibility and ironing out her own issues. She’s become a much stronger person all around. 

This episode asks us an important question though in nutshell with, “Have Sasha & Marcy truly changed for the better?”, since Anne has reached a point in her arc feeling genuinely content with who she’s become and the bonds that have been made with the Plantar family shown most notably with Sprig Plantar. Hence the whole purpose behind the song, It’s No Big Deal, with Anne feeling proud for who she is, yet not noticing a bigger issue right underneath her nose. That previous episode was meant to bring Anne’s happiness up only to bring it all crashing down in a devastating display of new revelations in True Colors. Every dramatic emotional beat isn’t just earned. Each significant moment is completely knocked out of the park by terrific voice acting, beautiful animation, and music composition that gave me serious emotional goosebumps. True Colors did exactly as Not What He Seems accomplished for Gravity Falls in shaking up its own respective dramatic stakes just when you thought it couldn’t get any higher for these protagonists. Shit seriously hits the fan here.

Did it ever occur to you, Anne? Sasha? That one of you knew more, than she was letting on? That ONE of you might’ve gotten you stranded in Amphibia on purpose...?

The big bombshell twist of Marcy playing a part too in getting them into this whole debacle completely flips everything upside down. Sasha pushed Anne into taking the Calamity Box, yes, but if Marcy never sent that photo because of her desire to stay with them together forever, then they wouldn’t have been stranded in basically a world full of dangerous creatures and who knows what else. Easily my favorite part of the episode, considering it adds more nuance to a situation that defined Amphibia’s story. It wasn’t just one person’s fault at the end of the day. Sasha bullied Anne into taking the box, Anne didn’t put her foot down to make a stand for something morally questionable, and Marcy took advantage of them both to benefit her own selfish desires for supposedly a “happy ending” not involving them staying apart, due to her parents moving away for a new job. All three girls played an important part on why they got landed into Amphiba. It’s why Anne’s statement to King Andrias, “The three of us may have made some mistake, but you...You’re evil and I’m gonna stop you!”, holds such a real weight to it, as this story continues to solidify how genuinely fleshed out their dynamic is.

Marcy’s super desperate plea to be understood by Anne & Sasha when Andrias revealed her getting them thrown into Amphibia purposefully was hard to watch. On one hand, I felt for Marcy because she didn’t want real life circumstances to tear apart that close connection she had to Sasha & Anne. Sure, she could’ve just kept in touch with them over the phone or chatting online, too. However, Marcy had known them since very early childhood. When you’ve been so attached to someone it can be a devastating thing, depending on just how vulnerable you are emotionally, to start drifting apart. Marcy represents that embodiment of toxic need for togetherness and couldn’t bear to let a possibility, like moving away, throw a wrench into her happiness and friendship, as well.

Never mind Marcy wanting to stay permanently in a different reality, rather than face her’s, but it made this person feel like something more. It gave her a chance to feel truly special in being able to live out a fantasy dream of having such power and freedom that a kid, like herself, couldn’t have had. The freedom to know she is plenty capable of making it out there on her own without Anne having to watch this kid like a hawk. So, to have someone, or something, try taking it away from her terrified Marcy of facing a terrible truth. That she isn’t strong enough after all to live a life without Anne & Sasha by her side completely, where Marcy will never feel truly worthy enough to blossom into her own person. It’s why that line, “I just...didn’t want to be alone...”, carries such a deep pain to it all. Marcy just crumbles into pieces accepting her greatest weakness. As much as Marcy fumbled the ball big time, it’s so easy to empathize with her on the idea of feeling competent enough. Marcy never meant to hurt Anne or Sasha, but the sad crushing punchline is she very much did.

Speaking of which, Anne had every right to be upset and mad, obviously. Anne has been missing so many things from her life before everything went off the wall. Hopping Mall especially highlighted Anne’s emotional desire to give anything just to hear her mother’s singing again. This teenager has been really dealing with a lot of grief in general quite honestly. Anne got into a high stakes battle against Sasha to save new friends, who’d practically became like an adopted family, which left the poor girl traumatized and heartbroken over the end result. She thought finding Marcy would help compensate for it and eventually be able to mend those complications with Sasha to boot. It’s simply painful to see it all blow up in Anne’s face to know not only Sasha betrayed her trust yet again, but realizing Marcy also played a part of responsibility in getting them thrown here. Matt Braly really just decided to slap future trust issues onto Anne finding out Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy were all super dishonest in their intentions at one point or another. Damn, I feel so bad for her.

It makes their embracing hug back in Marcy At The Gates so much harder to watch. Anne was super glad to see her again. Anne had wondered what became of Marcy or even possibly started to think she could even be alive at all. Then come to find out later on Marcy having intentionally ripped her away from a normal life must’ve felt worse then what happened with Sasha. Anne, already done with all of Sasha’s bullshit, thought she could at least expect better from Marcy not letting her down, but that too wasn’t the case. Marcy is very much as flawed as Sasha in what she has done. To think, Anne wanted so badly to get back home, yet she’s staring the very person dead in the eye, who ripped her away from it to begin with. Marcy knew Sasha would talk Anne into taking the box from that thrift shop, even if she wasn’t completely certain it would successfully teleport them away. Regardless of whatever good intentions someone can have in why they did what they did, it still doesn’t absolve them of said mistake. Fact of the matter is, Marcy tragically made her own bed, by choosing to mess with forces she couldn’t begin to comprehend and now has to face consequences, in spite of her not deserving them.

What really got to me was when Marcy tried to spin around Anne’s personal growth and close friendship with the Plantars as all entirely thanks to her. When she said, “I gave you this! I gave you everything!”, I was like, “Nope, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”, seeing everything that has culminated in Anne’s journey of bettering herself. Marcy didn’t give Anne anything, but a one way ticket to cutting the kid off from her family, presuming she’d be fine with this idea. It’s all kinds of messed up, however what it boils down to is Marcy undermining Anne’s independence and agency. Anne’s moral judgement in decision making was what allowed her to create this new life she made for herself in Amphibia. Anne’s honesty as a whole led her down a path of togetherness, while Marcy’s lying landed her in a result of not wanting to be alone, costing her so much.

“I don’t believe this. We were so focused on each other we couldn’t see what was right in front of us!”

True Colors excels at earning each of its emotional beats because they line up with character motivations down to the last letter. Anne doesn’t want to trust Sasha anymore because of their already rocky past, which leads to her helping King Andrias regain control of his kingdom. Sasha not keeping a lid on her temper, wanting to rule over Amphibia, and trying to reinforce that power dynamic with Anne & Marcy only made things worse for her image of a changed good friend. There wasn’t a chance in Hell Anne would hear Sasha’s reasoning after she flat out tried to take away her frog family, by attempting to use the Calamity Box a bit ago in the episode. Marcy wanted to believe there was a happily ever after in seeing this world traveling idea as their only chance for salvation as friends for life, but it turned out to be something much more sinister, when learning of Andrias’ backstory and his true scumbag nature. All three of their motivations come clashing together, blinding them from a much bigger danger. Something that effectively puts everyone at stake.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale works so excellently, given it covers important dramatic elements it’s been stirring around since Season 1′s early rumblings. Amphibia is a story centered around people’s need for emotional connections. True Colors builds miraculously off what Reunion already did quite well in showing friendships can become rough and they are never easy to deal with. When you have to make a stand it can be a tough pill to swallow on the reality check of maybe this “good friend” of your’s isn’t as nice as you previously thought them to be. Anne having been hurt one too many times now by her former friend sends that message close to home, so much so even Sasha begins to question her morality as a human being. It poignantly encapsulates how this trio’s complex friendship is a serious growing issue needing to be reexamined, overall.

What if Anne’s right..? What if I am a horrible person...?

Something I absolutely love to pieces about True Colors, also a testament to Season 2′s darn good writing, is how much introspective we get from each character on what they’re feeling. We’ve seen plenty of Sasha’s vulnerability before in other episodes centered on her issues, but now we’re getting to the root of it. Sasha is really taking everything more to heart, little by little. Sasha’s understanding what kind of an effect she has on people, seeing the damage it has caused made evident by Percy and Braddock in Barrel’s Warhammer. Grime once told her, “Some dreams have a price and not everyone is willing to pay it.”, where she’s questioning that idealism every passing minute the invasion plan proceeds further into reaching success. Sasha isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore feeling aimless. Those previous episodes had a real impact on her priorities more than she cared to let on with Sasha’s typical tough girl act. This kid has let her guard down more, which scares and confuses Sasha. She’s always used to playing the role of protector it contradicts everything Sasha stands for when the roles are totally reversed because now Anne has made her feel the tremendous change in their growth as individuals.

Sasha’s lifestyle has been all about control that after somewhat learning to be more considerate to Anne & Marcy’s feelings she feels beyond conflicted about what truly matters to her. The most screwed up part of it all is Sasha didn’t want to fight anymore, taking up a pacifist approach after seeing what King Andrias had been hiding from everyone. It’s a fitting punishment for Sasha to try bringing Anne over to work together once more, but getting her pleas for companionship outright ignored. Anne was correct that Sasha had wasted all the chances to be reasonable. Boonchuy tried to hear out Sasha before at The Third Temple. One wanted to start things over again to iron out their serious issues, but the other was driven by bitterness, while only remorseful to a degree at best, of seeing their once weak friend become so independent, mature, and stronger that it drove her up wall. Sasha wanted to take away that “problem” being the Plantars, since in her eyes they’re the source of Anne’s strength, driving a wedge further between the two girls in their heated Reunion 2.0 battle.

True Colors demonstrates the horrific price of no trust, communication, nor teamwork from the three main girls that Andrias smoothly took advantage of, as if they were fiddles. 

“That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love them, the more it hurts when they go.”

King Andrias is quite literally what I wanted Lunaris to be, where DuckTales’ Season 2 finale didn’t impress me on doing. He’s a serious big baddie to the main cast, who follows through on his threats of violence to demonstrate his wide array of arsenal and power. Andrias doesn’t just emotionally manipulate characters, like poor Marcy, but utterly crush them without an ounce of remorse for his actions. When he dropped Sprig out that window after Anne willingly let him have the Calamity Box back I thought they were legit gonna kill this boy off. The way Anne’s flashback montage of her good times with Sprig were eerily shot really didn’t help either on that note. Anne’s Calamity power finally activating is easily up there among stuff, like Dewey risking his life for Della’s disappearance in Last Crash, where the cinematography is shot and animated brilliantly. You feel Anne’s blind raging sadness in every hit she landed on those robots and Andrias. If anyone didn’t believe Sprig was like a little brother to Anne, then I dunno how anyone couldn’t view their bond anymore as such after this hugely defining scene. Anne went bloodthirsty when she believed Sprig to be dead further evidenced when she hugged him in relief afterwards exclaiming, “Sprig!? You’re alive!? Oh, thank goodness...”, which cuts deep so damn much.

Anne was ready to fight every one of Andrias’ troops in that castle to the death, if need be. Before Sprig came back from falling, thanks to Marcy’s quick acting, to comfort Anne, her only goal was to slaughter every opponent in that throne room, along with making Andrias pay dearly for even daring to lay a single finger on anyone of the Plantars. I’m not gonna lie, this pivotal power up reminded me so much Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 after Cell curb stomped Android 16 into pieces with a smirk on his face. Anne Boonchuy’s maddening outburst is a classic testament to the idea of, “Piss off the nicest person and they’ll make it their mission to instill the biggest kind of fear/terror into you.”. showing this kid at her most vulnerable mental state, yet. Sprig & Anne’s cathartic embrace really messed me up in reinforcing just how these two respect, love, and would go above any of their limitations to help the other out. Sprig’s “death” scene was a masterful bait by the writers into making us think someone was gonna die and it was gonna be a poor kid, no less.  

However, it was actually all just a bait and switch for the real, “Oh, shit. They really just did that”, moment with Marcy unexpectedly getting run through with Andrias’ gigantic sword. In a last ditch effort, Marcy wanted to atone for what she had a hand in getting them all into. Marcy was ironclad determined in making her own stand for what was right trying to save the people she endangered. Akin to what Sasha did in Reunion for saving Anne’s life, Marcy does the exact same here. Although, unfortunately this time, no one is here to protect Marcy from escaping death, like Grime catching Sasha from plummeting at Toad Tower. Marcy couldn’t react in time because she was so focused on helping her dear friends out. She wanted to prove to herself at least one time, “I’ve screwed up so much stuff with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. If I get my friends back home, it’ll prove I’m not an entirely crappy person for setting these events into motion.”. Marcy’s own deep seeded remorse is what saved Anne & the Plantars, while being the cause of her own untimely demise at Andrias’ hands.

This scene is what no doubt encouraged the warning sign for younger viewers Disney decided to make for them. It’s impressive how far Matt and his crew are willing to go for intense dramatic content. Andrias trying to crush Polly with his fist after destroying Frobo with casual ease, dropping Sprig out of the window from up sky high, and stabbing Marcy with his powerful sword displays his cold blooded brutality. Doesn’t matter who you are. If you get in the way of Andrias’ plans for multiverse domination, then he’ll throw anyone into their own grave, be it man, woman, or child. That’s the mark of a truly terrifying antagonist.

Andrias didn’t care who had to be hurt or manipulated to get back the box, so he could invade other worlds with Earth being his next prime target for invasion. Marcy’s fate is a horrifyingly poetic statement, since Sasha stated to Anne in a flashback from Marcy At The Gates, “One of these days, she’s gonna get herself killed.”, with True Colors tying back to this line in a disturbing manner. Something that sends chills down my spine is we get to see the full extent of how far Andrias shoved the sword through her body. We don’t just see the entry point of where it hit her, but it even zooms out to show the whole thing. Real talk, I got serious Avatar The Last Airbender vibes from this scene. Reminded me so much of Aang getting suddenly zapped with lightning by Azula when he tried to enter the Avatar state. Marcy didn’t want to be alone so badly she ended up inevitably dying alone trying to send Anne back home to their reality. One Hell of a way to close off Marcy’s last moments in Season 2, until her inevitable resurrection happens in Season 3 now that King Andrias has her in a tube tank that looks tied to his master.

True Colors ends on a deeply bittersweet cliffhanger leaving the fates of Sasha & Grime totally unknown if they’ll get away by the skin of their teeth, or get captured by Andrias’ soldiers and robots. Anne finally returned home with the Plantars, but at a deadly cost of leaving her other close friends behind in Amphibia. After all the isolation, heartbreak, and endurance she went through with her frog family Anne finds herself at a total loss for words. Once again, Anne is in a state of solitude of not knowing if her friends are really okay or not, mirroring the start of Season 1 when she landed into Amphibia’s world. It’s safe to say to say that, “Finally me and it’s no big deal.”, lyrics have aged terribly for Anne’s realization of finding her own identity came at the expense of getting separated from friends she’s known since kindergarten. Definitely see Anne becoming a lot more protective of the Plantars now more than ever after watching Marcy drop to the ground from being stabbed in front of her eyes.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale is exactly how you capitalize on a winning story telling formula of dramatic writing, lovable characters with layered depth, and increasing the stakes of your story in an organic manner. True Colors is a finale that should be talked about for a long time to come, as it not only showed how worth the wait it was, but reinforces why Amphibia is a truly great series. It’s unafraid to take its characters to dark places in a way that feels totally earned.

Amphibia Season 2 is everything a sequel to a first film should be.