It sickens me how you people silence us abuse victims with the whole "Ohhhh using narcissistic abuse is an ableist term", you don't realize that you're silencing us. You will never even BEGIN to understand the abuse and pain we all went through, all you care about is your political correctness and "ableism". You will never understand the pain of me being abused by my narcissistic mom, narcissistic dad, narcissistic sister, narcissistic brother, narcissistic grandma, narcissistic dog, narcissistic cats, narcissistic postman, narcissistic Silent Billy who lives in an apartment two blocks from me, narcissistic pigeons, narcissistic mosquitoes, narcissistic wasps, narcissistic houseplants, narcissistic construction site, narcissistic pavement, narcissistic clouds, narcissti
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i love the idea that ian finally understands he had been making mickey believe he wasn't loved enough for not singing the paper.
he goes to mickey showing a ring and mickey is hopeful but also wary of what is happening, then ian says it
i love ian, but darling, you can be a bit dumb (its okay you are learning)
what could have mickey possibly thought? that ian will marry him cause gallagher keep their promises? that's all to it? is it not because he supposedly loves him and genuinely wants that?
the look on mickey's face as he realises what ian said makes me think that it was the moment mickey fears were ''confirmed''.
ian didn't love him enough, of course he wouldn't, why would he? ian bought the promise ring, yes, but he still wouldn't wear it but hang it on his neck where he can hide it, is mickey not it?
and then mickey says it
he realises mickey had been thinking ian didn’t love him and that’s it, he tried many times. by coming out, being there during the whole diagnosis, being broken up with but still thinking of him and hoping to be together, thinking he will be with him in mexico and then getting himself back to prison so that he can be with him, support him through all that. but that was it. he didn't have it in him to fight for them anymore, he had the rights to finally put himself first and say ''that's enough''.
‘you don’t love me enough now, and that’s fine, it’s cool.’
but ian fucked up. he now knows that mickey believed he wasn't enough, he wasn't the right one for ian.
it didn't even cross his mind that it could have been a possibility, cause since the diagnosis, ian had been so sure that he wasn't worth of mickey and the pain that comes by being around him, loving him.
so ian thinks : how can you ever be so sure you love me? how can you even possibly be in love with me when i have such disorder that won't make it easy for you? what do you even see in me to think i'm worth all of that?
the only explaination ian can think of for someone like mickey to fight so hard for their relationship to work is that : he's either crazy or he never experienced any other type of relationship before.
cause ian has, ian has dated other people after mickey and none of them loved him. one cheated on him, gaslighting him that it was okay cause it was a chick and not a guy.
the other made it a challange for ian to be attracted to him, didn't respect ian when it came to his trauma regarding monica, didn't really care about ian being off his meds, being more concerned that his mania was making him the star of the news and not what trevor really wanted.
mickey had never done that, mickey had always been there for ian and he knows that— he knows that mickey is the one he loves and the one that will do anything for him. he broke up with him because he loved mickey too much and wanted him to be free.
being with those people made it impossible for ian to even pretend that mickey wasn't the one he loved and that loved him back.
but mickey? he never had a relationship other than the one with ian, so how could he know that ian is the one if he never dated anyone else? someone ‘normal’, someone that wouldn’t make him worry and watch for his mood swings?
ian is telling mickey that he has a choice to do better— he’s telling him that out there, there’s someone that won’t hurt him, that won’t make mickey think they’re not in love enough to take the big step with him. cause ian knows mickey is everything— but how could mickey know that ian is that for him too?
i love how mickey’s expression changes as ian speaks. it's the moment it hits him that ian loves mickey enough, he loves him too much so that he questions himself just as much, deciding for both of them (once again) what mickey needs and who he shouldn't be with.
and i love that mickey finally understands everything, he understands why ian broke up with him in s5 and tried to move on and pretend mickey wasn’t what he wanted.
mickey's first reaction is just to shake his head and say ''jesus christ, ian.''
and ian looks so confused, he might be thinking : what did i say wrong? i know i am right, you know that this is true. i'm a problem, i'm not worth it, can't you see?
but that's mickey’s limit, it was ian’s moment to work on his not worthy of your love shit and realise that it’s all bullshit cause mickey is all in for them. he always has been no matter what.
and mickey knows so well that he can't do anything else to prove it to ian. he straight up tells him the answer to lip's ''figure out why you don't wanna marry him.''
'cause he doesn't believe he's worth it. but mickey has proved him enough, mickey has told him what's ian true fear is and its not mickey's love for him that will fix it. it was ian's job to work through with it (and he did!! of course he did)
back when this episode came out, i was so angry and frustrated about it, i guess growing up makes you see things differently uh?
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my fave benvi moments from this season:
-HIM COMING THROUGH HER WINDOW AND BEING LIKE “wtf how did paxton do this”
-him basically he admitting he liked her when they were lying on her bed and he looked over and saw she was sleep and he just smiled and then decided to sleep over insane behavior
-anyway that entire time he’s in her room and trying to cheer her up peak benvi
-when he tries to protect her from that drunk guy at princeton amazing 10/10
-WHEN HE HEARD ELEANOR SAYING DEVI DIDNT GET INTO COLLEGE AND HE JUST ZOOMED OUT THE DOOR TO FIND DEVI
-his sex dream/fantasy of devi like god he’s so insane and down bad 😭
-DEVI SEEING HIM RUN INTO THE WEDDING IN SLO MO THATS SOULMATE BEHAVIOR
-him immediately offering to look up a yt tutorial when devi realizes she can’t put her sari back on herself
-devi immediately giving him her shirt at the college fair like she’s so ready to help him even if he wasn’t talking to her 😭😭
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