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angelisverba · 2 years

Text

kryptonite

in which y/n smokes weed (sometimes) and she thinks her dealer is super cute, and harry always gives her a little extra because she’s sweet

word count: 8.2k

pairing: plug!h and y/n

warning: if you are uncomfortable with the use of drugs, please do not continue reading!! i DO NOT want to see any messages in my inbox that talk of ‘glamourizing’ this drug. if you don’t like it-> don’t read it. mentions of bullying, peer pressure,

author’s notes: the second and final part to this fic will be posted next week, feb. 02 at 8am pst.

* * * * * * *

Harry hated parties.

Admittedly, they were a third of his source of income, but unless it wasn’t a gathering exclusively composed of his close circle, he didn’t want anything to do with it. They were too loud and sticky, messy and smelly. Red solo-cups littered at every available corner, half filled with Coca-cola, vodka, and the occasional sad, cigarette butt. Scantily clad girls and ‘discreet’ boys that didn’t know how to read body language that clearly screamed ‘I’M NOT INTERESTED!’. It just all got his nerves because half the time he knew they were only using him to get reduced prices on the marijuana he spent ample time on growing.

He tried, as a general rule, to limit his reluctant, brooding attendance to parties he knew would only consist of Mitch, Sarah, Adam, and the handful of other friends that just wanted to have a good time and a nice snuggle on a cramped couch that rumbled with intoxicated laughter. He liked being in a crowd he knew, it was much more intimate, less pressure-filled. He didn’t have to maintain that ‘polite’ air that was socially required in an atmosphere of people he didn’t know. No niceties or complimentary. When it was just him and his friends, all of that ‘quiet’ and ‘please, thank you’ shit wasn’t necessary. He could jump straight to his affectionate, giggly, sprawling-all-over-everyone’s-lap self, and no one would question it because they know it’s what he preferred.

But, at a big house party like the one where he was at, where everyone knew him as The One Guy Who Sells The Good Shit, Harry had to pretend to be polite and quiet and small, and adopt an overall stiff persona that made him prickly and cold. This wasn’t him. He didn’t like this, and wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for his very convincing friend Mitch, who noticed that business was slow and assured him that he was bound to 1) ‘sell a shit-ton’ and 2) gather a handful of new clients once they realized that what he had to dispense was pretty good quality for a subjectively cheap price.

Mitch had been right, of course.

The small black backpack of goodies that Harry had brought to this inconspicuous function had been empty in less than two hours, and he’d repeated his number enough times that it started to feel forgein on his tongue. Once or twice, a few girls had flashed him what could be called ‘bedroom eyes’, but he wasn’t in the mood to get his rocks off. When he came with a purpose to sell, any need, want, or hope for sex flew out of the window because then he ran the risk of girls thinking their ‘connection’ entitled them to some sort of discount on weed, and he didn’t particularly fancy ruining his post-coitous bliss with the awkward exchange of rejection that followed their questions.

Plus, it made him feel used.

A good three hours have passed, and he’s about to tell Mitch he’s ready to leave when his line of sight is snagged on the diamond image- no, a beautifully deceiving mirage, because there’s no way this girl is real. Not when she looks like a ditzy sprite, a walking mermaid, a glimmering fairy, a heart-wrenching siren, and any other bewitching, ethereal creatures that stole men’s souls upon the first breath they took in their presence. She looked like one of his psychedelic hallucinations that whispered sweet things to him and played with the ends of his hair when he’s in the lull of shrooms, brought to life. Grounded, real, and three-dimensional, not just in the airy, green-leafed recesses of his muddled mind.

This pretty little enchantment that caught his eye had floated into the room on two clumsy, shoddy-sneaker covered feet that extended from bambi-like legs with knees that were almost comically knocking against one another. She walked slanted, her shoulder pressed against her friend’s, whom Harry might have been able to recognize as Sarah if he spared his gaze, but that was impossible. So, he thought to himself, this is how magnets work? Even if he wanted to, he knew he wouldn’t be able to dislocate his line of sight from the socket it had carved itself into. Her cheeks, rounded with laughter and smiles, were dusted with the telling, glimmering sheen created by alcohol, and her eyes were bright, shiny, and starry from the handful of lamps that lit the living room. The slope of her waist, semi-shrouded deliciously from the billowy fabric of her powder blue summer dress (he couldn’t fucking believe she was wearing a dress when it was windy outside. Did she not care for her health?) and it made him think of the marvelous illusions created from marble. He was fond of going to museums and staring- for hours, at times- at statues of women draped in silk that were replicated with such precision, it was almost as if the wind was right there, rippling against the tantalizing figure of the unidentified female, so much so that an man was inspired to share his tortured vision. In solid form, nonetheless.

It made him wonder what the artist could see in real life. What they envisioned the model to be like underneath the heavenly fibers that twisted and turned restlessly with running air, preventing a clear grasp on the body underneath. Spurred to the point of such desolation, left with a hunger to resurrect what their mind’s eye consumed in physical format to live on forever and torment anyone else who looked.

He understood then. Understood that hunger and want for more.

She spun prettily like one of those ceramic ballerinas in a golden music box owned by children of important people, and that damn dress was both too loose and too free, moving around her with a protective fluidity from hungry, lovelorn wolves like him. He can’t hear her clearly because he’s too far away, but the snippets of her laugh that his ears manage to funnel down to his eardrums sound like a fairy’s tinkle.

She is a dream. Head thrown back before she replies with such enthusiasm and a strange half-lucidity that it has him leaning in to try and hear the drunken words that escape her soundless lips. He’s stuck in a moment of frozen time with her and only her. There’s a pinch behind his sternum when her head moves in his direction, and a strong titanic-worthy sink when she stops before even reaching his gaze. The words of some pop song from the early 2000’s skim cheesily through the background of his brain like a lonesome draft. Where have you been all my life?

Tunnel vision, he believes it might be called.

Next to him, Mitch bumps his shoulder, shattering his dangerously sharp focus with mumbled words that Harry doesn’t quite register with complete comprehension because they sound warped, as if they were spoken through a thick layer of glass or from underwater.

“What?” He blinks, his eyes stuck on her but his head rotated enough to the side that his friend knows he’s listening. He’s afraid that if he stops looking, or even blinks, she'll evaporate into thin air and he’ll spend the rest of his life wondering if she really was a mythical being conjured from his second-hand high.

Mitch clears his throat and hides a knowing twitch of his mouth beneath the rim of his drink, “I said her name is y/n.”

Harry, distracted and oblivious, is unaware that Mitch caught on to the focus of his attention, asks, “Who?”

This time, he can’t help but huff a chuckle, “This girl, H. Her name is y/n. She just started working with Sarah. Sarah says she keeps to herself, but there’s been a bit of… bullying, so she invited her out for a good time.”

“Bullying?” A faucet of anger opens in his major arteries and replaces his blood with a river of internalized rage. Bullying? Bullying her? His head whips around with enough speed to crack the vertebrae in his neck, and his thick brows furrowed with a fierce expression that would scare anyone that looked at him then (Mitch being exempt because he knew there would be no harm coming from that look). “What do y’mean bullying?” He spits the word out like it tastes foul.

Mitch takes another sip from the red solo cup, taking time to compose his face before continuing casually, “yeah. Y/n’s new, sweet, and quiet. Sarah says the others at work think that she’s their personal coffee runner or something. She tries to help her when she can, but she's not always around ‘cause of meetings or whatever.”

Harry sucks on his teeth and shakes his head, twisting again to observe y/n with mooney eyes, bitterness still simmering within him at the treatment she receives at her workplace. Especially when the smile he was so fortunate to witness made him taste caramel and honey and peach nectar and all of the sweet treats that traversed through his esophagus when the munchies hit. It warmed him to finally have a lovely name to attach to a lovely name.

Y/n. It settled nicely in his inner monologue, and he wanted to speak it. Test it on his tongue to see if it molded his lips as nicely as he imagined it would. It fit her, he thought. Y/n. Weirdly, Harry itched to throw it casually in a conversation with her. An exclamation. A wheezed whisper in the middle of a breathless laugh. In a greeting. In a goodbye. To grab her attention. To console. It was ridiculous! He didn’t even know her but he wanted, badly, for this party to transform into one of the more comfortable ones he had with his friends. For her to sit next to him on the couch his arm around the space behind her as she leaned into him unconsciously as the conversation continued. To grab her bicep in a nervous giggle when he stumbled after one too many. To share a bowl of chips with her (lime was his favorite, but he would eat barbecue flavored ones- his least favorite- if they were hers).

“Whose-”a burp, “motorcycle is blocking the driveway?!”

A clearly drunk male slurred from the front of the house, an arm raised as he swayed in a half-assed attempt to grab everyone’s attention, the drink in his hand sloshing onto the carpet and Harry winced, half from being startled and half from the suddenly stiffness that came with several pairs of eyes landing his way.

“Sorry, mate. That would be me.” He raised a finger in the air and bent at the waist to deposit his unfinished drink on a low black coffee table by his knees. He shrugged, rolling his lips into his mouth and turning to Mitch with his shoulders lifting with the beginnings of a hug, “‘was just gonna leave, anyway.”

“Early night, H?” Mitch mumbled, pressing a quick kiss on his cheek while embracing his friend, the ghost of a laugh lingering in his nasal passage. Harry’s cheeks turned a light pink and his nostrils flared in his attempt to hide his smile.

“Yup.” Harry returned the kiss, his nose digging onto the scruff of Mitch’s cheek, tickling him. Stepping back from their show of affection, he patted his palms against his thigh to make sure he had his phone and keys, and tugged the strap of the small backpack on his shoulder to verify it’s presence.

Mitch resumed his leaning position against the door frame, hand in his pocket, “alright. Text me when you get home.”

“‘Course.” Sparing one last glance in the charming sprite’s direction as he said his final goodbye, he was devastated to find that she had, in fact, disappeared, just as he’d feared.

He almost stayed to find her and watch over y/n like some sort of guardian angel, but he didn’t have the guts to go up to her. He hadn’t even finished one drink, so liquid courage wasn’t there to help him, not when he had to ride his motorcycle home. He almost asked Mitch to keep an eye on her for him, but it wasn’t necessary. Sarah was with her, and therefore he’s already watching her.

And from the comforting, yet teasing, twinkle in his friend’s eyes told Harry everything he needed to know. He knew that he was well on his way to cracking his head open over his heels.

Their friendship had always been one of little words.

******

Harry’s been delivering weed for a while now.

What started as a side hustle to obtain much needed income when times were tough developed into an interesting near full-time job with amazing results and benefits (he got to smoke weed for free now, since he grew it himself, but there was always that whole ‘don’t get high off your own supply’ rule, so he did limit himself). He had thought that he would have trouble attaining customers, but word spread like wildfire amongst his close circle of friends, which all happened to be free spirited individuals that harnessed the powers of nature, and then their friends, trusted friends, and so on and so forth.

It got to a point where he needed a separate phone for dealing alone because the ‘rush hour’ would meddle with his personal texts, leading to frequent ‘wrong person’ texts, and he traded his crappy car for a decent motorcycle so he could get to drop-off locations quicker. The added ‘badass’ effect also stroked his ego, so it was a wonderful bonus.

But the annoyance of being interrupted in the middle of something like, let’s say… an episode of Hannibal with a warm bowl of buttered popcorn in his lap always came in the same frustrating amounts.

Like now.

The Netflix screen pauses on Mads Mikkelsen’s face, spouting some bullshit about a tea cup, when his phone dings with a new notification. The sound is a specifically selected ‘ding!’ that is different from his personal phone so it’s easier to differentiate the purpose of the incoming message, and a rumbling groan vibrates from the back of his throat. Throwing his head back against his beat up, brown leather couch, Harry slams his hand around him until his ringed fingers click against the sleek device, and it automatically lights up as he brings it up to his face.

Unknown Number: Hi! Mitch gave me this number and said I’d be able to buy some pre-rolls?

Fucking Mitch. He often passes the number off to his buddies at the record store he works at. The dude started typing again, and the grey bubble with three dots wiggles at the bottom corner of the new text chat. Harry waited.

Unknown Number: If it’s too late for you, I understand.

It was, in fact, too late for him. But, money was money. He technically wasn’t doing anything important, so he would go and deliver to this-

Unknown Number: My name is y/n, by the way :D

Not a dude.

Fuck.

Not a dude.

The popcorn went flying off his chest and spilled all over the floor as he jumped up from his seat. Fuck. Y/n? Y/n with a smiley face. The girl from the party? His heart came to a stuttering stop, screeching like tired on asphalt breaking at a high speed as he came to the realization. The girl has haunted him like a stubborn will ‘o wisp for the past week was texting him. Albeit, it is for a service, but it was still something. The marijuana aspect of his situation didn’t bother him. He sold and consumed, it would be hypocritical of him if it did. Besides, she was an adult. She could do what she liked.

His jaw is on the floor, his eyes popping out of his head and he can’t believe what’s happening to him at that moment. He’d kiss Mitch on the mouth next time he saw him. It’s not until he sees the grey bubbles appear and disappear quickly again that he remembers the normal, usual response to this kind of situation is to type back. With trembling fingers, he pressed on keys, tapped on the backspace button, and repeated those motions several times because he had no idea what he was supposed to say- no, what was right to say to her. He had a standard response when it came to people who wanted to buy from him, but sending her prewritten message in his notes app that consisted of a short, perfunctory greeting followed by a menu-structured list of what he had available that day and their prices. There was no way in hell he’d send that to her.

Harry: Hello! It’s not too late for me to deliver. What can I help you with?

Unknown Number: Mitch mentioned that you offered a 2 for $35 deal?

Unknown Number: Is that still available?

Harry did offer a two-joint for thirty five bucks deal. Pre-rolled joints in cherry rolling paper about as long as his middle finger to the halfway point of his palm, semi-thickly packed with a hybrid blend of the two Mary-Jane plants (Sativa and Indica, none of that Maui Wowie, Blue Dream, or other strains; he liked to keep it simple) he had in a specially insulated box in the garage attached to the house he rented. It was his most popular sell; decent amount, excellent high, excellent trip. But… two? Was she smoking with someone else? Or was she saving one for a later time? He didn’t think she was the type to smoke two at once, but then again he didn’t know her, so her reasons were unclear to him.

However, if he arrived at her location and she was with someone (a male, specifically) his night would be ruined, because then that would mean that any marginal chance that he had with her was out of the question. And he couldn’t ask her right away because they hadn’t even properly met yet, and that would be weird and rude. That didn’t help his overthinking tendencies, and in a matter of seconds, Harry was sitting at the edge of his couch, popcorn crunching underneath his butt as a frown settled on his handsome features. Jaw set, lips puckered in contemplation with a pinch between his drawn eyebrows that casted shadows over his emerald eyes. He looked menacing, and his smattering collection of tattoos didn’t help either.

Or his motorcycle.

Or the intimidating stigma that came with his title of ‘plug’.

Stubborn as he was, this look of ‘don’t fucking talk to me’ would stay with him for the rest of the night, all because he couldn’t restrain himself from coming to incorrect conclusions. He didn’t know if y/n had a boyfriend, if she was with a friend, or if she would even be interest in him, but the sour thoughts that she did have a boyfriend and wouldn’t be interested in a ‘lowlife’ drug dealer loomed over him like a murky, stormy, thundering clouds.

He sent his response and changed her contact name.

Harry: I do!

Harry: Did you want to see the rest of the menu or are you set?

He knew he was being short with her. His messages were missing their customary smiley faces, the extra exclamation marks, the occasional x’s and o’s. He didn’t even type with capitalized letters, but in order to refrain from diving even further into this hole of hope, he decided that the change in his style of grammar would help him become emotionally distant. He just couldn’t bring himself to add them while he was in a stubborn, self-induced slump. While he looked angry, glittery butterflies beat their cellophane wings inside his ribcage and shook magical glitter onto his intestines, making them warm and queasy.

Y/n: I think that’ll be all for tonight

The causal mention of ‘for tonight’ gives him hope. That implied there would be other nights, and even though he’s currently grumpy because relationships are fucking complicated, he wanted to see her again and again.

Harry: Send your address, please.

She sends her location.

Harry: I’ll be there in 15 minutes.

Since he’s already half dressed in black jeans and a white Fruit of the Loom t-shirt from his earlier afternoon deliveries, he only has to part the crystal bead curtain in the doorframe of his living room to grab the leather jacket hanging from a bright yellow coat rack besides his door, and the backpack that he left in a slump besides his shoes (already packed with goods). He doesn’t think twice about the popcorn that’s scattered all over his floor and couch or that the Netflix “are you still there?” screen blinks black when he picks up his keys from the hook next to his door.

The garage opened when he pressed the button inside the kitchen hall, and he stepped out through the side door leading to the space where he kept his motorcycle. The owners before him had left a shit-load of junk that had taken up most of the space, and with their permission, he sold and threw most of it away. For the most part, it was empty. A bench, some boxes, and the white-refrigerator like rectangular box underneath the worktable along with his ride were the only things in there.

Grumbling and pouting like a petulant child, Harry clipped on his black helmet, flipped the visor down with two slender fingers, and dropped the backpack into the compartment attached to the backseat. A button on his keys closed the garage door behind him as he kicked aside the stand and swerved with a screech onto the road, the night air wrapping around bare throat as he cut through at a higher velocity than was surely legal on a residential street, but he didn’t see it as a crime when the heart was involved. He could picture himself explaining to the officer that pulled hi over in a hypothetical situation, that he was on his way to deliver drugs to the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, and the officer nodding solemnly at his noble cause.

Totally realistic.

Cars honked when he cut them off abruptly, and he gathered stares from the handful of people that were still wandering along the streets, spilling out at random intervals from bars. He had to cut through bits of the city to get to where she lived, and the three red lights that stalled his perusal were lucky that they were government property or else he would have damaged them in a severe fit of impatient rage. He tapped the tips of his shit-colored vans against the road and clenched his ringed fingers around the handlebars, engine roaring with pending release. He should have grabbed leather gloves, he thinks, if not to impress her, then at least to keep his fingers warm because it was an especially chilly night.

Harry’s pulling up to a brick building in exactly fifteen minutes. There’s fire escape ladders trickling down the side, and cement stairs leading up to a brown oak door with a thin window pane slightly left ajar while a burning yellow light seeps in a long bar across the steps like a satin ribbon. Several windows are bright with light from the inside, and the spare streetlamps that cast a spotlight on the sidewalk make the street unsettling, like someone is hiding in the shadows extending from tree trunks. Harry doesn’t like it one bit, and he hopes y/n isn’t walking these streets by herself at night.

He’s simultaneously taking his helmet off and reaching for his phone in his back pocket when he hears her small peep coming from the door.

“Hi!”

And then, she’s all he can see, hear, think. She’s just as absorbing and hypnotizing as the first time he saw her, even though she’s standing in what is clearly pajamas. A long, sage knitted sweater that ends at the tips of her fingers and just above her knees, making her look like a leafy blob. Black sweatpants that are just as loose and baggy shadow the faint silhouette of her legs. Y/n is fiddling with her fingers, picking whatever color nail polish paints her nails (Harry can’t see because he’s too far away) and it makes him want to soothe her hands with his own. She’s tugging her bottom lip between her teeth and she probably doesn’t even realize that her eyebrows are furrowed and the bunch on her brow-bone casts comic-like shadows across her pretty little face.

Stupidly, because he can’t think of anything else to say other than ‘hello’ but he thinks that’s lame, he clears his throat and says, “how’d you know I was here?”

“Your… uhm- your motorcycle,” she points with a finger to the machinery beneath his bum. He’s leaning against it, not wanting to intimidate her by crowding her space in a dark-ish place but he doesn’t realize it actually makes him look very intimidating and ‘bad-boy’ looking. Especially with the leather jacket, “was kinda loud.”

“Mmm,” he hums his acknowledgement, because at that last corner he had purposefully revved the engine more than necessary. To impress her or to sate his devilish tendencies, was unclear. The space between his collarbones feels like it’s inflating and deflating with every rapid pulse of his heartbeat, and for the first time in a while, he doesn’t know where his ‘game’ is. He feels lame, at a loss for how to act around an angel when he was nowhere near her level. Hell, did this count as corruption of her innocence? He was selling her drugs for fuck’s sake.

At this realization, a heavy, sticky, nasty weight slathers itself all over his back and it can only be described as guilt. Should he be selling her weed? Should he even be morally conscious at this point? He sells weed to teenagers when he’s sure they aren’t narcs, but this wasn’t some zit-faced twerp.

This was y/n.

A few seconds of silence pass and she’s just staring at him, her lips rolling like there are words she's holding in and Harry staring at her with a closed-off expression, thick chocolate eyebrows furrowed deep in concentration because he’s memorizing every curve of her face to look back on when she wasn’t with him anymore. It’s after her first intake of breath with her mouth open that he snaps out of it and twists hurriedly to yank out the pink baggie with shiny red cherries printed on them. His current special, though he saved the decorated packaging for his closer group of friends because he knew it made them happy and he loved seeing that smile on their faces, but he wasn’t going to tell her that (and secretly he hopes it might put a dent on his irrational guilt).

“Here are y’cherry joints,” he holds it out, pinched between two fingers and his lips are a hard line as his heart beats out of his chest because- oh, god} she’s stepping closer and she smells really good and-

“‘Kay, uhm…” She takes the bag from him and mentally, Harry curses because she chooses to cup the underside of the bag and that wipes all chances of their fingers accidentally touching. She won’t meet his eyes, she’s shifty on her feet, and he doesn’t know how to tell her not to be nervous without sounding like a creep, “I’ve n-never done this before, and Mitch didn’t say if you took cash or Venmo so I brought my phone and wallet because I wasn’t sure which one you preferred.”

His heart goes through the life cycle of a dandelion. It blooms, yellow with happiness and new life breathed into his seedling soul by the sound of her voice, and transforms into the wispy tufts that fly away, ditzy and twirling from her sweet breath. All the while she holds him in her hand, smiling.

But all of these feelings are hidden away under his mask of self-preservation, writhing and squirming like worms. He gives away nothing, his eyes looking a little dead even though the in-between space where his head meets with the nape of his neck is damp with nervous sweat and he remains stiff and lazily posed against his motorcycle because he’s sure if he didn’t have that support his knees would knock together and sound like the cue ball hitting a winning shot in an empty pool hall.

Carding his hand through his unruly curls, he realizes that he should’ve styles his hair before leaving the house or foregone the helmet entirely, not caring about dying because first official impressions should be killer, and the extra harsh cut in his British drawl when he rasps, “cash is fine,” has to do with his own annoyance.

Y/n is flustered, evidence of that clearly sprawled all over her cheeks and base of her throat which he can see even in the darkness. She lifts the front end of her sweater with a paw-hand and Harry’s insides explode. Her phone and folded dollar bills are squeezed between the band of her bottoms and bare skin of her stomach. For just a second, the beautiful second in which she plucks the money from her body, he catches sight of a white, lacy bra-band that looks glorious while backdropped by the plane of her abdomen. He discovers the meaning of life and death, and wishes for a bit of both because this is torture.

The back of his mouth is drier than the sahara desert. Two tender fingers give him Holy ten and five dollar bills, and her angelic voice sings, “thank you,” when he takes it from her like a beggar.

Harry is an asshole because he can’t even respond with words only a hum of ‘mhm’ before swinging his leg over his ride and muttering a half-hearted, choked, ‘see you’ before roaring away.

****

He tries to invalidate his rapidly growing crush. Truly. He wants to brush it off his shoulder like dust because it’s annoying and distracting to constantly think about her, but nothing works.

In retrospect, he was even psychologically rude about it, trying- and failing- to find negative qualities about her or flaws in her appearance, but his fawning heart wouldn’t allow such disrespect to the receiver of it’s pesky little affections. The worst he could come up with was that her eyes looked as if some snot-nosed, uncoordinated, messy little kid had shaken an entire bottle of glitter onto a piece of copy paper and called it a day. And that her voice was soothing enough to coax that same child into comfortable, cow-jumping-over-moons dreams.

He wishes he were that hypothetical child rocked to sleep by her lulling voice because by the way things were going, he’s having a pretty hard time getting a wink of sleep because every time his phone vibrates he snaps straight up like his spine is locked and obsessively searched his phone for her name. And he’s tried putting his phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ but it only makes it worse because what if he texts her and he doesn’t see it because he’s sleeping?

All of the customers that came after her, during his period of constant surveillance over his ‘trap phone’ received the best delivery times and the snarkiest attitude he’s ever had to offer. The morning sun isn’t as bright as it used to be and the moon is dimmer than usual because nothing can compare to her. He misses her terribly and it’s stupid because he doesn’t even know her and she probably thinks he’s a jerk because he acts like such a dick.

Mitch thinks it's funny that he’s so twisted about a girl. ‘A’ girl because even though he was high when he spilled his secret to his friend, he doesn’t think he could stand a potential breach of his privacy in the case that Sarah found out.

“I haven’t heard from her in a while,” Harry said.

“Do something about it,” Mitch said.

And well, what the fuck was he supposed to do? It’s not like he can reach out to her to ask her if she wants to buy more weed. That would seem greedy and insensitive on his part; a money hungry dealer. He’s already in a limbo of moral dilemmas that shouldn’t exist in the first place and he doesn’t want to complicate it by any form of shady communication.

His dilemma, however, was solved by whatever divine being that dared to bear witness to his nonsensical pleas to the ether. It seemed as though she favored the night and dark for her ‘picking up’, because the delightful ding! came at the thirty minute mark of his tossing and turning.

With the sheets rumpled around his waist and his templed damp with faint beads of perspiration, Harry straightened in the same way he has for the past month, only the tedious exhaustion of it not being her was begging to gnaw at him. Was this what it felt like to be paranoid? Snapping alert at every single indication of a phone because you think it’s the IRS- or the girl who infects your mind, in his case- calling to demand a service?

Preparing for disappointment again, Harry picked up the phone and squinted as his pupils adjusted to the sudden change in light.

Y/n: Hello, Harry! This is y/n. You delivered to me last month? Are you available for delivery at the moment?

There is a muted thud as his phone slips out of his shocked hands and lands on the rumpled duvet. A thundering set of drums replaces his beating heart and his jaw remains slack because it has lost the ability to close. The perspiration on his hairline transfers to the cave of his hands. For weeks he’s been in a constant state of glum, waiting for her next text, and now that he has it the only thing going through his mind is oh my god, oh my god.

Still, through his haze he manages to reply with,

Harry: Hi!

Harry: Yes, I remember, and yes, I’m available

What he really wanted to say, and what he should have sent was, how could anyone forget you? You haunt me day and night. But that was a little obsessive, and probably would have scared her off before they even got anywhere.

Harry: Would you like to see what I have available?

Y/n: Please :D !

The pre-written list of items he has available changed this week. He’s added some chocolate edibles, brownies, and gummy bears that he picked up for a cheaper, wholesale price at the dispensary he frequents, and it makes him wonder if she’ll dare to buy them. He had one a few days ago at Mitch’s place with Sarah and has a smashing time. He couldn’t stop petting their cat, Texas, because the feel of her brown fur between his fingers was heavenly.

Grey bubbles appear and disappear several times along with his intake of oxygen before a long text appears, listing everything she wants from his makeshift ‘menu’ and… it’s a lot. The last time he received an order like this it was for a frat party that one of Mitch’s coworker’s friend’s brother referred him to, and it took him an entire week of rolling and baking to get his inventory back up. His kitchen smelled like weed-butter for a solid month.

Harry: Give me a moment to make sure I can sell you everything. Pretty large order…

The chipped black paint on his nails became a dark blur as his fingers typed, deleted, and typed uncertain words over and over again before finally settling on a sentence that was… neutral and didn’t send the wrong meaning. Usually, with his customers he was a mixture of blunt and friendly, but y/n wasn’t just a customer, and it made everything ten times harder.

Y/n: I’ll take whatever you have, please! Take your time, I don’t mean to stress you out

If she said please one more time, Harry was sure that he would become a liquid, coagulated version of himself among the mess of his blankets.

Jerking his ankles free of the fabric snake that snared him to a useless bed, he clambered off, knuckling at his tired eyes and shivering as the cool, still air of his room wrapped itself around the warmth of his body. Reaching into his closet for the first things he finds, a dark green hoodie and grey sweatpants, Harry yawns and dramatically stretched with his arms way above his head, hoping that the movement would push out the feeling of loneliness that was beginning to take purchase between his ribs, right underneath his heart.

Another late night, another delivery. He wished there was someone in his bed to call him back. Please don’t go, they’d say, the bed is cold without you in it. A warm hand trailing like a ghost against his thigh as he walked away, and a sleepy smile or groan of displeasure as his goodbye. He might not stay in the bed, but he would be happy- no, elated, to know that he would be coming back to someone.

The grow light of his makeshift greenhouse tinted his skin purple as he rummaged through all of his pre-rolled and pre-packaged items, his phone at his side as he checked off everything she has asked for.

9 of the Cherry Deals

6 of the citrus-infused pre-rolls

4 lavender-infused

10 brownies

And 2 8ths

In total, it came out to 28 joints.

Which is… well, a lot for just one person, or two, or three (unless you’re Snoop Dog or something). Packing everything up into four separate paper bags, and then a larger white bag so that she isn't filling with all of the smaller ones, he types out another cold text.

Harry: Okay I have everything.

Harry: Send the address, please.

She sends the address, and Harry follows the same routine as the last time, nearly eating shit as he flew out into his garage. Excitement bubbles in his guts at the same increment and volume of his motorcycle’s initial purr. Flipping open the back compartment he usually stores things in, he realizes that there is no way it’s all going to fit inside, so he turns on his heels to grab a backpack from inside and then he realizes that he’s not wearing any shoes. The smooth, grey floor is cold against the arches of his bare feet, and his brows furrow at his own insolence. Had he been so wrapped up in… everything that he didn’t put on shoes?

Rolling his eyes at his own actions- and feeling a little embarrassed that he’d let it happen- Harry returned to his home and snatched up the first pair of fashionable compatible shoes within his reach (green converse the same shade of his sweater) and the backpack to place the white bag in ( a little redundant, but he didn’t think holding it while he rode would be a good idea). Rushing back to the garage, he hoped that he wouldn’t come up empty with words like he had the time before.

The last thing he wanted to do was scare her away.

***

He was right about it being a party.

At least three minutes before he was flipping down his kickstand, the thundering bass of some rap song (he thinks he can hear ASAP Rocky, but he’s not too sure) shakes the streets and the trees. It’s a house party in a building that was too big to fit into the word ‘house’, but yet too small to fit in ‘mansion’. Toilet paper and trash litters the front yard while couples make out and loners smoke cigarettes, or maybe joints, out on the generous porch. Sports cars and beat up rides pack the driveway and most of the street in front of the house, so it makes it really difficult to station his motorcycle in an area where he has a clear view of who’s coming in and out of the house, and therefore, really hard to spot y/n.

That is until-

“Hi, Harry!”

She’s sitting down on the curb with her arms around her legs and her chin on top of her legs, looking… scared. Her eyes were blown open like a newborn doe, and the sprawl of her limbs as she unravels from her sitting position to a wobbly stand mimics the shaky, knocking knees of a filly that is learning how to walk for the first time. Her voice is even headier than it was the last time he heard it, like windchimes in the spring chill.

Harry’s eyes roam over her with no attempt to conceal his blatant appreciation for the fuzzy sweater falling down to her mid-thigh. They seem to have become a pattern with her. This time, it’s a baby blue crew neck and a pair of jeans, and y/n’s has tried to tie her hair up into a bun at the back of her hair but spiky pieces stick out the back and tendrils swap her ears, making her look like a soft, smudge-y dream.

“Hello,” he says softly, not needing to clear his throat this time. He steps forward a bit, so he can hear her better (or at least that’s what he tells himself), “s’good to see you again.” Harry’s words are louder and more amicable than the last time he greeted her, and his lips part in a crooked friendly smile which she returned with the same tentativeness. There’s something off about her this time around. She’s pulling at her sleeves and shifting her feet, glancing over her shoulder as soon as she’s standing straight and her eyes won’t stand still on Harry’s figure for more than a few, burning seconds.

“It’s good to see you, too! I hope I’m not waking you up every time I text, though,” an exhaled laugh left her lips, and she dropped her gaze down to her shoes. Y/n rocked on her feet, once and then twice. “I think I’ve… I’ve made a habit of texting you late at night.”

And he blushes, “I- uhm… I was having a hard time sleeping, so you didn’t wake me. It’s fine.”

If only she knew that he was having a hard time sleeping because his subconscious was a bothered brat over not seeing her again. Pleading words of requests to ask her never to stop texting him were dancing on the tip of his tongue, banging against his barricaded lips and begging to come out. However, he didn’t think such daring words were fitting with their barely budding relationship. They were pitiful and needy, like a puppy, and frankly, Harry didn’t want to present that image.

“Oh,” she stilled her movements, checked over her shoulder again and then looked him in the eyes and said, “are you okay?”

“M’fine, yeah. Just got a lot of you on my mind at the moment,” he says. It makes y/n furrow her brows and tilt her head at him like a little cat, only then that he realize what he has said, “Things! Got a lot of things on my mind. Sorry,” he clears his throat, looks away while hanging his helmet on the handle of his ride. “Haven’t been sleepin’ much.”

“Aw, I’m sorry. That sucks,” y/n pouts. Pouts at him. And he just blinks. Doesn’t smile or laugh.

“S’alrigh’. Y’got quite a large order this time. Havin’ a party?” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to slap his palm against his forehead. He probably sounded stupid, given there was clearly a raging party going on in the house behind her. Of course she was having a party, what he should’ve said what ‘what are y’celebrating?’ or ‘are you here alone?’. Like the ‘do you have a date?’ kind of alone.

“You got it right? Thank you. And… something like that, I guess. I’m a bit nervous, honestly, because I’ve never…” She shrugs, looking away from him and back to the house.

“Never been to a party like this?” He’s confused. Surely he can’t mean that she’s never smoked before? Right? Because if that were the case, then what did she do with the weed he gave her last time? And what was she doing at a party were they were on this much drugs.

“No! No, no, I’ve never… smoked before.” She’s adamant in shaking her head. Her hands too, splayed wide like jazz hands.

“Y’never smoked before? What about last time?” Harry hates how it sounds as though he’s accusing her, but he can’t seem to control the way his words are coming out of his mouth, not around her, and it’s making him look like a dick. What he wants to do is smile and tease her, to find some way to ask her if she would like to share a joint with him without sounding too sleazy.

Shaking her head, “those were for my roommate and his boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Harry’s heart pitter-patters in his chest, his mouth in a straight line, and although there’s an abundance of emotions elbowing against the other in his chest, he shows none of them.

“Yeah,” awkwardly, she shifts her weight from heel to heel, arms crossed before reaching into her pocket and bringing out a folded wad of cash. “$540, right?”

“That’s right, but…” C’mon man, he scolds himself, pull it fucking together. This is a concerning situation. Surely she can’t be buying this much this time and not plan on participating. “Are you gonna be a’right?”

Worrying her lips between her teeth, she lets out a deep breath before answering. Smiling and nodding as she answers as if she wants to convince herself, “I think so. How hard can it be?”

“Pretty hard if it’s y’first time, sweetheart,” Harry forces himself to smile a little, but instead it looks as though he’s grimacing. “Will y’friends walk y’through it?”

Y/n looks back at the house again, and shuffles her feet. She’s got a sad little look in her eye, droopy and shy. Great. He was making her uncomfortable. “They’re n-not really my friends,” she says, “but I guess so.”

What? “What?” The word is sharp in his mouth. What the fuck was she doing, then? Hanging with people that she didn’t look all that enthused to be with, buying their weed, standing out here all alone?

“They’re not-”

A male comes out of the house, red solo cup in hand, and he’s not wearing a fucking shirt. He’s waving a hand in the air, trying to flag y/n down Harry assumes, and he’s offended for her. Harry’s brows furrow and his hands curl into fists behind his back. Why isn’t he wearing a shirt? What the fuck is he drinking and why is he being so disrespectful interrupting their conversation this way? All for some weed?

Now on the last step, the guy shouts, “Y/n, what’s taking so long?”

The poor girl jumps, startled, and her eyes go wide. “Sorry, I’ll be in soon!” Y/n shoves the money at him, frazzled, and takes the paper bag from his hands. “Here's $560, Harry. The rest is a tip. You can count it if you’d like!”

“It’s alright, here you-” she’s already bounding away from him, but he doesn’t want her to go, and somehow, he finds the will to call her back. He just wanted her to look at him once more, because she wasn’t even inside yet, but he missed her gaze. “Y/n!”

She stops, and he gets exactly what he wants. Her attention. “Yes?”

Harry swings a leg over his motorcycle and gets ready to leave before he does anything stupid like… like trying to hold her hand or something. Who knows, he lost his ability to act his age around her. “Have a water bottle at your side,” he’s mumbling almost, “and don’t take too much in on your first try. Exhale and don’t freak out when y’start coughing. Or embarrassed. It’ll be okay. And… and do y’best to relax.”

“Thank you, Harry.”

And y/n smiles at him.

It’s small, and it’s meek the way a feral kitten approaches a human with food. Scared, and rightfully so, because Harry wants to scoop her up and take her home.

“Of course. Have a safe night.”

She nods and walks away with another piece of his heart in her hands.

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fluff oneshot #harry styles fic #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles smut imagine #harry styles fanfic

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worth-the-chaos · 7 months

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Adventures in Babysitting - Steve Harrington x female!reader - Chapter 15

Chapter Summary: Racing against the clock, you and your friends desperately attempt to connect the dots before it’s too late. Your efforts bring both progress and peril as you and your boyfriend dive headfirst into life-threatening scenarios in order to save each other.

Content Warning: swearing, trauma, angst, upside down scary shit

Word Count: 8.8k

Author’s Note: sorry this chapter took so long for me to get written. Life has been crazy, but here’s a longer one for you, so I hope you enjoy! I really enjoyed writing this one and I hope you enjoy reading it just as much!

Message me to be added to the taglist and get updated when the next chapter is posted! I highly recommend this if you want to keep up with the story since I don’t do regular updates!

ALSO, I am thinking about revamping the masterlist for this story and adding chapter summaries and word count…let me know if you think this would help!

Series Masterlist | Part 14 | Next Part

***

You all got out of your respective vehicles and looked at the dilapidated house in front of you. The lawn was overgrown with weeds, and every window was boarded up. The house’s facade itself screamed “go away,” looking like something out of a horror movie, but there you all were. You pressed yourself into Steve’s back, grabbing onto the back of his jacket to ground yourself. No one moved, everyone hesitant to approach the foreboding home, so you took one more deep breath and pushed past your boyfriend.

Steve was surprised by the confidence in your stride. He knew that you were cracking under the pressure. He knew you had to be scared out of your mind. Yet, you were facing it head on. He watched the way you tossed the hammer you were holding a bit before flipping it around and beginning to remove the nails from the board across the front door. Though he would never say it out loud, the way you looked so incredibly tough was incredibly sexy to him, and his eyes wandered your frame as he took in the sight of you.

Suddenly Steve felt an elbow in his side, jumping a bit as Robin glared at him and whispered, “dude, why don’t you stop undressing her with your eyes and help the fuck out.”

“What the hell are we supposed to be looking for in this shit hole anyway?” Steve grumbled as he made his way to the door to start removing nails on the opposite side.

“I don’t know…I-I just know it’s important,” you responded, momentarily stopping what you were doing to look at your boyfriend. You didn’t want to explain any more of what you saw and Steve didn’t press you for details as he continued removing nails.

“Maybe it has a clue as to where Vecna is,” Dustin spoke up, “you know, like why he’s back, why he killed the Creels, and how to stop him before he comes back for y/n.”

Your heart sank at the mention of your name. You weren’t sure that you’d be able to save yourself again if Vecna came back for you. The visions you were having were getting progressively longer, and your physical symptoms in the real world were getting progressively more terrifying. How long was it going to be before your bones were snapped every which way and your eyes were sucked into the back of your skull?

Steve removed the last nail and he looked at you, silently asking if you were ready. Though you weren’t, you nodded and the both of you dropped the board. It fell with a sickening thud, kicking up decades worth of dust up from the front porch. You coughed, waving away the haze before turning back to the front door. You saw the stained glass rose and suddenly your mind flashed to the sinister reds painted across the sky when Vecna had his hand around your throat.

“Hey, are you okay?” Nancy asked, gently putting a hand on your shoulder. You jumped a little, before turning slightly towards her, meeting her concerned expression.

“Yeah…yeah, I-I’m good. This is definitely it; no doubt about it,” your voice got small as you said it.

Steve tried the doorknob which didn’t turn, announcing the obvious, “it’s locked. Should I knock? See if anybody’s home?”

You rolled your eyes at Steve’s sarcasm before moving towards him. “It doesn’t matter. I have a key.” Steve looked at you quizzically, but before he could ask any questions, you shoved him to the side a bit before aggressively driving your elbow through the stained glass. It made a satisfying shattering sound as you listened to the shards hit the floor inside. You reached through the window and felt for the lock, turning it swiftly before shoving the door open.

Lucas flipped a light switch to no avail. “I guess somebody didn’t pay the electric bill,” he joked quietly as the room remained shrouded in complete darkness. The only light was the minimal sunlight peaking through the slats of the boarded up windows.

You pulled a flashlight out of your bag and handed it to Steve, knowing full and well that he didn’t bring his own, before you pulled out a second one for yourself.

“They just left everything,” Nancy breathed out, pointing her flashlight into the family room.

“Yeah, I guess a triple homicide isn’t good for resale value,” Robin responded. You barely heard her as your eyes remained fixed on the sight in front of you. You had to readjust your grip on your flashlight as you willed your hands not to shake.

“Guys, you see that too, right?” You asked quietly, the beam of your flashlight unsteadily illuminating the familiar grandfather clock in front of you.

“Yeah, we do,” Steve assured you, wrapping a hand around your shoulder and pulling you into his side. He could tell you were scared, and wanted to do everything in his power to comfort you. He couldn’t really imagine what it must be like to not be able to trust anything that you were seeing. His heart broke at the way he could see the fear in your eyes. His picture of you in his mind was always so fearless and stoic. You were always prepared to face any threat, regardless of whether or not it was supernatural.

This time was different though. This time they were racing to postpone the inevitable. It felt like a jack in the box, every attempt to investigate being another crank of the handle. He didn’t want to know what was going to happen when they pushed too far.

“Is this what you saw in your visions?” Max asked you gently. You turned to look at the girl and saw how she stared up at you with a furrowed brow, her worry painted across her face. Your expression faltered for a second before you regained your composure, readopting the stoic facade you tried to maintain; putting on a brave face for the kids.

Robin could sense your anxiety; in fact, it was radiating off of you like crazy. She was your best friend and she could read you like the back of her hand. “I mean…it’s just a clock, right?” She spoke up, trying to sound reassuring. She stepped past you and wiped the dust of the clock’s face, turning back towards you before adding, “just a normal old clock.”

“Why is this wizard obsessed with clocks? Maybe he’s like a clockmaker…or something?” Steve spoke up, and honestly it kind of broke the tension as you bit back a giggle. Steve was smart in so many ways, but in this moment, you were glad your survival was not up to your boyfriend being able to problem solve.

“I think you cracked the case, Steve,” Dustin replied sarcastically. You glared at him before elbowing him in the side. Steve was doing his best and you didn’t need the Henderson boy making him feel bad about it. Hell, you were going to take all of the help you could get…even if it was borderline idiotic.

“All I know is the answers are here…somewhere,” you added quietly, looking around the dust covered room. The longer you stayed there, the more unsettled you felt. You shook your head to clear the negativity from your mind before speaking up again. “Okay, let’s just split off.”

Robin nodded and quickly followed Nancy upstairs, and Lucas and Max darted off to the kitchen, begrudgingly followed by Henderson. The boy had wanted to stay with the two of you, but the look that Steve had shot him was clear in letting him know not to push it.

“So, I guess it’s you and me,” Steve spoke up, reaching to gently grab your hand. You jumped a bit at his touch and he immediately backed off, “sorry, I shouldn’t have—“

“No, it’s…it’s fine. It’s not you, it’s me. I-I just need to get my head on straight is all,” you quickly responded, your hand darting to grab his. You interlocked your fingers and placed a gentle kiss to the back of his hand, shooting him a weak smile. He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t argue either.

You both entered some sort of family room, your flashlights sending light beams to scatter through the dust particles swimming through the air. You let go of his hand as you both spread out around the room to reach high and low for anything that might point you in the right direction. Though, you weren’t entirely sure what the right direction even was.

Steve was trying not to lose his mind. All he could think about was the way you had looked when you had gone into a trance at the cemetery. It was like you weren’t even there anymore. For a brief moment, he experienced what the world was like without you in it and he was sure that he couldn’t stand to live another moment like that. He looked back over his shoulder to make sure you were still there; that you were still in his sight. You were blowing a thick layer of dust off of the mantle of the fireplace, backing up and waving a hand through the air as you coughed.

Steve sucked in a deep breath and then turned back around, though it was hard for him to take his eyes off of him. You could go into another trance at any moment. He would never forgive himself if something happened to you. He redirected his gaze to his flashlight beam, noticing the way the light reflected off of something underneath a floor vent. He moved the vent out of the way, reaching in and pulling out a jar with the body of a dead spider in it.

Suddenly he felt movement on his jacket, looking over to see a spider crawling up his arm. Fear settled deep within his chest as he stood up, dropping the jar in the process and frantically backing away as he tried to get the damn thing off of him. He was embarrassed to admit it, but even Steve “the Hair” Harrington was afraid of spiders. He bumped into something (or more accurately, someone) barely noticing it was you until your voice rang out.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay?” You frantically asked, your heart pounding in your chest. You had heard the distinct sound of shattering glass and immediately started assuming the worst. You attempted to steady your boyfriend, your hands reaching for his arms, but he yanked them out of your grip, clearly still reeling from whatever encounter he just had. “Please, Steve; tell me what’s wrong!”

Your face was twisted with worry as your eyes scanned your boyfriend. He was still breathing heavily, but he was beginning to calm down. He brushed his hands down his arms, just to make sure, before pulling you into a bear hug as he rested his chin on the top of your head.

“There was a spider,” he breathed out, “black widow I think.”

He added the last part as he placed a kiss to the top of your head, squeezing you a little bit tighter. Your heart skipped a beat and you bit back a smile at how goofy Steve was sometimes. Even though he tried to be the tough guy, it was nice to know that he got scared of dumbass shit too.

“Poor baby,” you patronized, pulling away slightly to look up at him. Steve was going to stand up for himself but his words died in his throat as he just admired the way your eyes shined up at him. Recently, he hadn’t seen the light in your eyes. Even before these Vecna visions, you hadn’t been the same since what happened at Starcourt.

“Everything okay over here?” Robin’s voice rang out as she began to round the corner. The two of you quickly stepped away from each other, and Steve cleared his throat as you attempted to act natural.

Robin stopped in her tracks and glared at you, watching as you attempted to innocently shake out your hair, trying and failing miserably to pretend that you hadn’t just been pressed up against her best friend.

“Oh would you two just fuck already?” She rolled her eyes as she continued through the room, brushing past Steve on her way out. Your face immediately turned beet red and your mouth fell open, a small squeak escaping your lips as you tried and failed to defend yourself.

Steve’s face was equally red, but he chuckled as he tried to brush Robin’s comment off. He thought back to how the past him would have immediately corrected Robin; bragged about how he had in fact already slept with you. You would have been another notch on his belt, another conquest to tell Tommy H. about in the cafeteria. He was glad that he wasn’t that person anymore.

Besides, he felt somewhat self conscious about it. He knew that it had been your first time, which made it all the more nerve wracking…especially since you both hadn’t really talked about it since then. Sure, Nancy and him had slept together, and he had thought he had loved her, but since meeting you he wasn’t so sure that he really had. This—what he had with you? That was love, plain and simple. He’d never experienced anything quite like it.

He had to stop his mind from thinking about the way you had looked underneath him. The way your bare skin felt against his as he finally got to see all of you. He had to stop himself from thinking about the sounds you made, how reactive you were to his touch.

He cleared his throat, throwing an arm around your waist, feeling the need to be touching you in some capacity. He squeezed your hip a bit and smiled down at you, as the two of you shared a knowing look. He bent down to tell you something and you tried not to go weak at the knees at his warm breath whispered in your ear.

“I’m not sure about ‘already,’ but I could definitely go for ‘again.’” You could see his smirk in your mind’s eye as your breath hitched in your throat. Before you could even think about how to respond, Steve spoke up again. “Well, I guess we should get back to investigating.”

He let go of you and sauntered forward, confidence in his stride at how he’d so easily gotten a reaction out of you. You stood there for a second, staring at him in complete disbelief before biting back a smile and hustling to rejoin him. You only made it a few paces before you stopped dead in your tracks, your sneakers squeaking against the hardwood floor.

Steve whipped around to see you staring wide eyed at a lamp on the table next to you, sparking to life with erratic electricity. His heart jumped to his throat, and when you opened your mouth to speak, he wasn’t sure if the fact that your voice sounded so calm and collected made it more or less terrifying.

“I promise I’ll stop asking, but you see that too, right?”

“Yeah…yeah, I do,” Steve spoke up, fishing through his jacket pocket frantically before pulling out the walkman and headphones. He gingerly placed them over your head, hitting play on the device. You jumped at the contact, eyes previously still drawn to the flickering light at the lamp. You looked up at him confused as your hands went to the headphones on your ears. “Just in case,” Steve added in a whisper, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat.

He went to quickly turn away from you, not wanting you to see him cracking under the weight of the situation, but you quickly grabbed onto his jacket sleeve to catch his attention. “Hey, everything’s going to be okay, yeah?” You tried your best to reassure him, trying to believe the words yourself. You wanted nothing more than for them to be true.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything’s gonna be alright,” Steve agreed, but you could tell he believed it about as much as you did…which was barely at all. Normally these sort of sentiments would be followed by a pinky promise, but neither of you reached for each other’s hand as you continued to stare at the lamp humming with electricity.

Slowly but surely, you reached one of your trembling hands towards the lamp shade. As you got closer, the light intensified before flickering out altogether as soon as you made contact, plunging the room back into darkness. You could hear Steve suck in a breath and you felt his hand on the small of your back.

“Look,” Steve whispered, pointing to another lamp down the hall that had come to life with electricity. With much trepidation, you began to move towards the light source. No sooner had you started moving, did it jump to another lamp….and then another and another.

You continued to follow, but you quickly felt a force pulling you backwards as Steve’s fingers looped through the belt loops of your jeans. “Hey!” You called out, your brows stitched together in frustration as your attention was pulled away from the task at hand. “Let go of me, Steve,” you warned, your hand attempting to pry his away, but to no avail.

“Y/n, what if it’s a trap?” You could hear the fear in his voice and you saw the way it was reflected in his eyes. You two had been through hell together and lived to tell the tale. You had seen him scared all the damn time but never like this. This time your life was on the line much more directly than it had in the past. This time a miss step meant you’d be gone.

“Steve, we’re here to look for clues, so I’m looking for clues. End of discussion,” you yanked his hand away and attempted to continue down the hallway, but he caught your arm first, pulling you back again.

“Steve—“ you began again, but the rest of your sentence died in your throat as he wrapped his arms around you, his head buried in the crook of your neck as he hugged you. He held onto you as if he might never get to hold onto you again and you couldn’t help but feel tears well in your eyes as you hugged him back. He placed a tender kiss to your neck.

“I love you,” he whispered into your skin. He stayed like that for a little longer before pulling away and looking you in the eye adding, “I need you to know that y/n.”

“I know, Steve,” a tear rolled down your cheek, “I love you too. More than anything.” Your voice was a whisper, the emotion behind your words nearly rendering you speechless. You held onto each other for a few more moments before letting go and turning to follow the light.

***

Night had fallen and the seven of you stood under a cobweb chandelier, blinking haphazardly above a dining room table. You felt uneasy as you watched each bulb flicker, your hand instinctively going to grab Steve’s for comfort. He immediately reciprocated, giving your hand a tight squeeze and sending a reassuring smile your way.

“It’s like the Christmas lights,” Nancy spoke up, her eyes glued to the light fixture above you. Your mind flashed back to the Byers’ living room and the gashes now permanently etched across your arm. That was the first time you and Steve had faced threats like this together, back when you didn’t even really know each other outside of reputation.

Steve’s mind thought back to that time too, his hand letting go of yours and moving to rub up and down your upper arm. By now he had each scar perfectly memorized. He used to trace them with his fingers when you were asleep beside him as a reminder that you were still here; as a promise that he would protect you better. He felt a pang in his chest as he was painfully reminded of how he couldn’t keep that promise.

“Vecna’s here,” you spoke up, “in this house, just on the other side.

The light slowly fizzled out, nothing left but the long shadows cast by the beams of your flashlights. “I think he just left the room,” Robin spoke up, her eyes still glued to the chandelier.

“Did he hear us?” Max asked, her eyes widening with fear as she considered the possibility that Vecna may be able to discern their next move from the Upside Down.

“Can he see us?” Dustin asked further. You and Steve locked eyes before he quickly spoke up.

“Headphones!”

You abided by his instructions and quickly hit play on the walkman. “Everyone turn off your flashlights and spread out,” you added, darting away from Steve before he could protest. Everyone followed suit (though Steve did so much more begrudgingly).

You hated the way it felt being alone though. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you were, considering the amount of time you spent sleeping over at Steve’s while his parents were traveling the world on various business trips. Your hands trembled as you waved your flashlight every which way, attempting to maybe, just maybe, pick up Vecna’s movements through the Upside Down.

All the sudden, Robin’s voice rang out through the deafening silence of the Creel house. “Got him!”

Before you could even think, your feet were taking off towards the sound of her voice. You stopped in your tracks, your breath catching in your throat as you saw the way the light hummed from her flashlight. As soon as it had started though, the light fizzled out. She made a sound of annoyance, but it didn’t last long as your flashlight suddenly sparked to life. The light jumped once more to Steve’s flashlight, and this time you were all ready.

“He’s moving! He’s moving!” Steve shouted, moving his flashlight in front of him as he followed, trying to maintain the gentle yet unsettling stream of light radiating into the empty house. You followed closely behind him, a hand loosely grabbing hold of the fabric at the bottom hem of his jacket as you tried your best to keep up with him. You ascended a staircase and once Steve reached the top, the light dissipated, leaving you all in the dark once more.

“You lost it,” you whispered, staring at the flashlight, disappointment settling into your chest as you attempted to shove it down so it wouldn’t turn into panic.

“No he didn’t,” Max spoke up, shoving past the two of you and opening a door that led to another corridor bustling with light and electricity. You all cautiously made your way up the stairs into the attic, anxiety settling in your bones. Steve instinctively wrapped his hand around your wrist for reassurance, needing a reminder that you were there.

A single light bulb thrummed with electricity, pulsing rhythmically and casting eerie shadows across the dilapidated floor. You took a cautious step towards it, and suddenly your flashlight began flickering, the beam growing stronger the closer you got. Steve’s light did the same until all of you were standing under the singular bulb, each of your flashlights synchronizing to the flicker of the attic light.

“What’s happening?” Steve whispered, eyes glued to the light above you. You had no words to answer his question, staring just as mesmerized as he was. This house likely hadn’t had electricity in the last thirty years. Thirty years! You had to remind yourself of the impossibility of it all, and you wished it was just a dream that you would wake up from, curled up in Steve’s arms.

Without warning, the light grew to a blinding intensity, and suddenly the bulbs in each of your flashlights began to burst, shattering as the light abruptly disappeared. You shrieked as you attempted to shield your eyes from the shards.

The room was plunged into a nearly pitch black darkness, the only light being the soft moonlight filtering in through the slats on the boarded up windows.

“Is everyone okay?” Nancy called out, looking over Max to check for any cuts. Robin helped her check over the other two kids while Steve turned to you.

“Hey, you’re bleeding,” his hands darted to your face, wiping blood away from a tiny cut on your cheek. His eyebrows knitted together with worry.

“Nothing a little band aid won’t fix,” you reassured him, pulling him into a hug. His hands wrapped around your waist and you felt comforted by the way they felt at the small of your back.

You thought back to the way the lights shattered as the cut on your cheek began to sting again. You felt a sinking feeling in your stomach, but you shoved it down and held onto Steve tighter.

You tried to convince yourself that this was progress. You knew something more now. What that something was, you weren’t sure. It seemed to be that you kept finding puzzle pieces but they were all impossible to connect. It was all just a big jumble.

You weren’t sure you were going to like it when the picture cleared.

***

You sat in the back of Nancy’s station wagon eating Pringles with Steve as you drove back towards Rick’s house to let Eddie know what you had found out. Robin was in the front seat rambling, clearly stressed about all that you did and didn’t know, but all chatter halted when Nancy turned the corner and noticed the crowd surrounding the lake house.

“Shit,” you whispered as you quickly yanked the trunk door open, flying out of the back seat with Steve hot on your tail as the car barely slowed to a stop. You ducked around the news van to tune into what the police officers were saying.

“….reporting a homicide here on the lake. Officer Callahan here and myself were the first on the scene. We found the victim, an 18-year-old senior from Hawkins High, Patrick McKinney, on the shore of Lover’s Lake. His limbs were…” you heard Chief Powell’s voice, but it faded out as your ears started to ring.

You stumbled backwards, needing room to breathe, shoving past all of your friends and walking down the street away from the yellow crime scene tape and the nightmares and the terror that just wouldn’t seem to stop despite how hard you tried to have a normal life.

“We’ve also identified a person of interest. Eddie Munson,” Chief Powell held up a picture of the boy to show the news camera. “We encourage anyone with information to please come forward.”

Steve immediately followed you, a sinking feeling in his chest as he ran towards you. “Y/n….y/n!” He whisper-shouted, trying to get your attention without drawing attention to you.

You didn’t react, continuing marching forward, so Steve jogged to catch up to you, grabbing onto your wrist and spinning you around to face him. His frustration over you ignoring him quickly disappeared when he noticed your tear stained cheeks and the blood trickling from your nose.

“Steve,” you breathed out, your voice dripping with sorrow, “I think I’m next.”

“Woah, woah, woah, baby, don’t say that….th-that’s not true, we don’t know that,” Steve was quick to try to comfort you, swiftly wiping at your nose with his jacket sleeve, his heart breaking as you broke out into a sob.

“We don’t know that! W-we don’t know anything! For all we know, I could go into another fucking trance right now and just like that—“ you snapped your fingers, “I’m gone.”

“Don’t fucking talk like that, y/n! I…I-I mean we found out the music thing! We’ve bought some time! You’re going to be okay, y/n, I promise, we-we just have to—“

“But how do you know that? How can you promise me that?” You cried.

“Because you have to be, okay? You just have to be,” Steve’s voice was full of fear and unshed tears and it just made yours fall faster down your face as you allowed yourself to break. The rest of the group cautiously made their way towards you as you gathered some of your composure. Suddenly, the walkie talkie sprung to life in your pocket.

“Dustin? Wheeler? Can you hear me?” Eddie’s voice crackled out of the speaker.

“Eddie! Holy shit, are you okay?” You asked, your brow furrowed with worry as you waited on bated breath for his response.

“Nah, man. Pretty….pretty goddamn far from okay.”

You could hear his exhaustion through his voice and your heart broke a little. “Where are you?” You inquired.

“Skull Rock. You know it? It’s by—”

“Yeah, I know where it is. Just hold on, okay?” Your face flushed as you thought back to the times that Steve had taken you there, but now was not the time to think about those kisses that you’d shared.

Right now it was you guys against the town, and you were damned if you were going to let them find Eddie first.

***

“Dude, you’re taking us the wrong way,” Steve complained at Dustin who was religiously following his map and compass.

“It’s north. I’m positive; I checked the map,” Dustin replied, irritation lacing his tone. You rolled your eyes at their bickering, but felt the need to speak up yourself.

“Normally I wouldn’t trust Steve’s judgment on something like this considering he bases 90% of shit like this on a hunch, but this time he’s right.”

Steve didn’t know whether to feel flattered or offended, but it didn’t matter, as he spoke up to defend himself. “Yeah Henderson, you do realize Skill Rock is like a super popular make-out spot?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t popular until I made it popular, alright? I practically invented it; we’re heading in the wrong direction,” Steve turned away from where Dustin was heading and you began to follow him. Dustin looked at you both in shock before shouting back at Steve.

“Yeah? Well just because you’ve stuck your tongue down y/n’s throat there doesn’t mean that your sense of direction is better than a goddamn compass.”

You gaped at the Henderson boy, and your glare must have shut him up because he quickly tried to back pedal his way out of it. “Woah, um that was my bad; I think I perhaps took it a little bit too far.”

“You think?” You rolled your eyes and continued on next to Steve.

“I mean, he’s not wrong…well, he definitely is about the damn compass, but we have had some pretty good times at Skull Rock,” Steve whispered to you with a smirk plastered across his face.

“Sure, whatever,” you rolled your eyes again. At the rate these boys were going, you were sure that they would roll out of your head before Vecna could suck them into the back of your skull. You immediately went nauseous at the thought.

“What do you mean ‘whatever?’ Come on, you’re telling me you don’t think about that time you skipped third period last semester?” Steve shot you a knowing look.

“Shut up,” you responded as your face went red.

“See! I know you too damn well, baby. Besides, I think about it all the fucking time so if you don’t that would be kind of embarrassing for me.”

“You think about it all the time?” You looked at him annoyed, not believing a word that was coming out of your perfect jock boyfriend’s mouth.

“I mean, yeah! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Why would you though?”

Steve paused for a second, contemplating how much he should say before he continued. He flushed a little and decided that there wasn’t much point in keeping secrets, especially since your time together may be more limited than he had thought.

“Well, I mean….okay, sometimes I think about the fact that you spend seven hours in that damn school everyday with guys that undoubtedly want to hook up with you, and-and I’m not there anymore to keep those assholes in line, you know?” Steve started and you stared at him in disbelief before he continued, “But!—but then I think about how fucking stupid that is of me and I don’t want to be one of those disgustingly possessive toxic boyfriends, so to keep myself in check I think about that time you skipped third period so that we could make out instead…and-and it calms me down a little…because if I keep kissing you like that then I would hope you wouldn’t be tempted by any of those dumbasses at Hawkins High.”

You began cackling and Steve turned beet red. “Hey! I’m pouring my heart and soul out to you here, you little shit! You don’t get to laugh!”

“No, you’re right; I’m sorry,” you giggled as you wrapped an arm around his and leaned into him. “It’s just…you’re you.”

“—and?”

“And—if either of us was going to be worried, it should be me,” you argued with a chuckle, “I mean, I spent so much time watching you flirt with other girls right in front of me when we worked at Scoops!”

“That was stupid of me, I don’t know why I did that,” Steve shook his head and looked down at his feet, a bit disappointed in his past behavior. “I was honestly just so in love with you at the time and it scared the shit out of me—it still scares the shit out of me, by the way—that I thought an appropriate solution would be to find someone that didn’t scare me so that I wouldn’t fuck it up and lose you, you know?”

“You’re not gonna lose me,” you nudged him in the side and smiled up at him, a silent gesture that you forgave him for his past mistakes. “I’m in it for the long haul, alright?”

Steve smiled back at you and shook his head. You were just so perfect.

“Besides,” you spoke up again before adding the rest in a whisper, “I think about that time during third period all the time too.” And with that you sauntered ahead of him, your hips swaying back and forth, in a way that had Steve thinking…well, about that third period.

You shoved forward through some overgrowth to a clearing to see the one and only Skull Rock. Steve pushed through shortly after you and you could see the self-satisfied smirk stretch across his face.

“Bada bing, bada boom. There she is, Henderson. Skull Rock. In your face, man. In your stupid, cocky little face,” Steve shouted out, and you smacked his arm with the back of your hand. You had only ever officially been Dustin’s babysitter, but sometimes it really did feel like you were babysitting Steve too.

“Cool it, Harrington,” you warned.

“But it doesn’t make sense,” Dustin stared at the boulders confused, and suddenly you got a sinking sort of feeling in your stomach.

“Yeah, yeah, even with it staring you in the face, you can’t admit it. You just can’t admit that you’re wrong, you little butthead,” Steve retorted. Suddenly, you heard something behind you, and you quickly turned on your heels as you heard the familiar voice ring out.

“I concur. You, Dustin Henderson, are a total butthead.”

“We thought you were a goner,” Dustin quickly hugged Eddie, relieved to see that he was okay given the police cars and news vans that had infiltrated his hiding spot.

“Yeah, me too…me too,” Eddie replied, patting the boy on the back before letting him go. “Teach, glad you could make it, sorry about the…you know,” Eddie gestured to his neck, apologizing for the small cut that he had left on yours.

“No apologies necessary. We’re just glad that you’re okay,” you replied, pulling Eddie in for a hug as well. You hated that he was involved in all of this shit. You hated how you always managed to bring more people into this mess; that it grew and spread like weeds in a garden.

Eddie explained what had happened with Patrick, and your heart sank at the fact that he had to experience all that trauma all over again. “…and when I got to shore, I tried to call you guys but my walkie was busted, so, uh, I did the thing that I do now apparently: I ran,” He chuckled exasperatedly.

“Do you know what time this was exactly?” Nancy inquired.

“Yeah, no, I…I know exactly what time it was. My walkie wasn’t the only thing that got soaked,” Eddie replied, taking off his watch and tossing it to Nancy.

“9:27,” she read the time out.

“Same time our flashlights when kablooey,” Robin added the proper context.

“Which means what, exactly?” Steve asked.

“That that surge of energy was Vecna attacking Patrick,” Nancy explained.

“Well, we’re one step closer. At least we know how Vecna attacks,” you tried to be optimistic, but it didn’t really feel like much of a win.

“And where he attacks from,” Lucas spoke up.

“So, now we just need to sneak into his lair in the Upside Down and drive a stake through his heart,” Max emphasized. All jokes aside, it sounded simple when she said it, though you knew that wouldn’t be the case.

“A stake? Is he like a vamp—is he a vampire?” Steve asked.

“It was a metaphor, sweetheart,” you replied. Oh how that boy was great at not catching on.

“A bullet should work on him, right?” Eddie asked.

“I say we chop his head off,” Lucas suggested.

“Hey, uh, Henderson’s not, uh, cursed…is he?” Eddie pointed and you all turned to see the boy pacing back and forth.

“Cursed? No, no, no, he’s fine. Mental? Absolutely,” Steve answered.

“Boom!” The boy suddenly shouted into the wilderness, “I was right! Skull Rock was north.”

“Seriously? Are you serious? This is Skull Rock!” Steve shouted back. That sinking feeling in your stomach returned as you took a deep breath awaiting Dustin’s explanation.

“This compass worked correctly when we left the Wheelers’. It was correct when we got in the car on Kerley. But it started to slip the further east we went. Now, it’s way off. When I was leading us here, I wasn’t wrong; the compass was. Do you remember what can affect a compass?”

“An electromagnetic field,” Lucas answered as his eyes lit up, beginning to connect the dots.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve skipped that class,” Robin spoke up, requesting an explanation.

“In the presence of a stronger electromagnetic field, the needle will deflect towards that power,” you began and Steve looked at you incredulously. You shrugged as Dustin continued.

“So, there’s either some super big magnet around here, or there’s a gate.”

“But we’re no where near the lab,” Nancy pointed out.

“But what if, somehow, there’s another gate? A gate that we don’t know about. It would have to be smaller, way less powerful,” Dustin proposed.

“A snack sized gate,” Robin contextualized.

“But how? Why?” Steve asked the hard questions.

“I don’t know. All I know is that something is causing this disturbance and the last time we saw anything like it, there was a gate. And if there is a gate that means we can get to Vecna and we have a shot at freeing y/n from this curse,” Dustin explained and then turned, his eyes glued back to the faulty compass.

“Hey, woah, woah, woah,” Steve spoke up, a hand on his hip and giving peak paternal vibes, “Eddie’s still a wanted man. We can’t just go on a hike in the woods.”

“This compass might be the key to saving Eddie and y/n. What say you, Eddie the Banished?” Dustin replied.

“I say you’re asking me to follow you into Mordor, which, if I’m totally straight with you, I think it’s a really bad idea…but uh, the Shire…the Shire is burning,” Eddie replied and Dustin began to jump up and down in excitement. You rolled your eyes and chuckled at Steve’s confused expression.

“So Mordor it is,” you added as Eddie hopped up to follow Dustin, the rest of the gang following suit.

“What is Mordor?” Steve asked quietly.

“Oh, baby,” you replied pitifully as you placed a hand on his back and led him to follow the others.

***

Night had fallen and you were still walking through the woods following the damn compass. Your feet were getting tired and if one more low branch hit you in the face you were pretty sure you were going to scream.

Robin and Steve were arguing over the plot of the movie they had watched at your last shift together and you fell into step with Eddie.

“So, I take it when I saw you all beat up in the movie theater last summer, it was related to all of this shit, right?” Eddie inquired.

“I mean yeah…well, kind of,” you replied, your face scrunching up in thought as you considered how you would have contextualized those specific injuries.

“What do you mean ‘kind of’?”

“Well, it was related to all of this supernatural bullshit, but not quite supernatural. Long story short, I got the shit beat out of me by a bunch of Russians who were secretly in Hawkins trying to reopen the gate to the Upside Down,” you explained. Eddie stared at you for a second, not really sure how to respond.

“So…you did all of that…and then just came back to school, like it was nothing? Started tutoring me in physics?”

“I mean, it was the third time some crazy ass shit had happened, so I guess afterwards all there is to do is to try and return to some form of normalcy. What else were we supposed to do?” You asked rhetorically. “Also, Steve and I started dating which made things a lot easier. You know, just having someone to rely on like that and all.”

It felt natural confiding in Eddie. He never judged you and you never judged him. He felt like the type of person that would be in your corner despite your ups and downs and you appreciated that tutoring him had given you the opportunity to see that side of him.

“Bullshit. You had to have been dating Steve last school year. Like before the mall fire. You two were all over each other after him and Nancy broke up; you were practically together all of the time!”

“It was…complicated before last summer,” you chose your words carefully. “I don’t think we knew how to tell each other how we felt, you know? I mean, we had already watched the world nearly end twice at that point, and the thought of ruining our friendship to pursue a relationship that might not work out was scary then. Looking back it was stupid of us, but we’re together now and that’s all that matters.”

“You think he’s the one?” Eddie asked and your face went bright red. You hadn’t really thought about it, but then again, you hadn’t really needed to because you already knew.

“Yeah…yeah, I think he is,” you smiled, your eyes focused on Steve’s back, watching how he laughed at something Robin had said. “Don’t fucking tell him I said that though or I’ll kill you myself,” you threatened.

“Surely he has to already know,” Eddie argued. You felt your insecurity festering in your chest. Sometimes you still couldn’t believe that he loved you. You weren’t the kind of girl he would have paid any attention to in the past and sometimes that thought ate away at you. You knew that he was it for you, but sometimes you doubted whether or not you were it for him. You hoped with all of your heart that you were.

You shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean, I’m probably going away to college next year and I don’t really know how we’ll make it through that. I don’t want him to have to wait for me, you know?”

“Oh, he’s waiting for you, honey. Don’t worry your pretty little head about that,” Eddie chuckled, speaking as if the idea was absurd. You felt a weight fall off of your shoulders as he said it. You bit back a smile as the two of you quickened your pace to rejoin the rest of the group.

“Dustin? Can you slow down? Dustin?” Steve called out as he attempted to follow the all-too-energetic boy.

“I think we’re getting close!” Dustin called out as he turned over his shoulder as you all entered a clearing, and you quickly pushed past Steve, grabbing the back of the boy’s collar just in time to keep him from stepping right into the lake.

“Woah, cool it alright?” You warned, your babysitting instincts still prepped and ready for action.

“You gotta be shitting me,” Steve breathed out. You were right back where you started. Lover’s Lake.

“There’s a gate in Lover’s Lake?” Max asked, trying to sort out the pieces of the puzzle in her head.

“Whenever the demogorgon attacked, it always left an opening. Maybe Vecna’s the same way,” Nancy suggested.

“Only one way to find out,” Steve spoke up. You all wandered the shore of Lover’s Lake until you found a boat. Steve held it steady as Robin, Nancy, Eddie, and you piled on. You had come prepared, again all thanks to the babysitting, and had the walkman and headphones safe in a ziplock bag to avoid them getting damaged from the water.

Dustin attempted to board the boat, but Eddie swiftly stopped him. “Woah, woah, woah. You trying to sink us? This thing holds four people tops, okay?”

“It’s better this way. If we all disappear, people are going to get suspicious,” Nancy argued.

“It’s my goddamn theory!”

“You heard Nance,” Robin warned.

“Who put her in charge?!” The boy asked in exasperation.

“I did,” Robin replied simply.

“Compass,” you held out your hand and Dustin begrudgingly gave it to you.

Steve pushed the boat off the shore, boarding it as it started to float away. “You said four!” Dustin shouted, angry at the way he’d been conned.

“Sorry,” Steve offered as the boat continued on. He threw an arm around you and hugged you to his side. He was nervous about the fact that you weren’t on the shore with the kids, but he knew that you would find a way out on the lake one way or another so he didn’t really feel like fighting the inevitable…even though you all were quite literally fighting the inevitable.

You thought about how this would be fun in any other context. Just you, three of your close friends, and your boyfriend, out on the lake at night. You thought about the way you would all probably crack jokes and share stories, passing the time away until it was way later than you realized. You wished that could be your reality, and you swallowed the lump in your throat as you accepted that it wasn’t.

The compass jumped to life in your hands, the needle spinning every which direction. “Woah, woah, woah! Slow down guys!” You called out, eyes glued to the small device in your hand.

“Woah,” Steve breathed out as you stopped to watch the compass needle spin. It was a mesmerizing sight, and your hands slightly shook as you watched it. Steve noticed and quickly grabbed your other hand, running his thumb over the back of it to calm you down.

“Guys what’s going on?” Dustin’s voice crackled through the walkie talkie. Robin quickly attended to it.

“Uh, Dustin, your compass has gone from wonky to wonky with a capital ‘ahhh!’” You barely paid any attention to her words, more preoccupied with the way Steve began quickly removing his shoes.

“Steve, what are you doing?” You were quick to question, though you already knew the answer. Your heart stopped in your chest and you felt like you could barely breathe anymore.

“Somebody’s gotta go down there and check this out. And unless one of you four can top being a Hawkins High swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years, then…it’s gotta be me. No complaints, alright?” He made eye contact with you as he said the last part. You gaped at him, struggling to find the words to voice your very obvious complaint.

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” Eddie spoke up, “I do not want to go down there.”

Eddie wrapped his flashlight in a plastic bag and handed it to your boyfriend, and suddenly you were at a loss for words at the only other man on the boat too. Typical.

Steve took off his yellow crewneck and you flushed at the sight of his bare back. He was toned in just the right way that made you want to run your hands all over him, and you could go weak at the knees at the sight of his chest…but that was besides the point; right now, you needed to focus on the task at hand: not letting your boyfriend go kill himself trying to solve an inter-dimensional mystery.

“Steve, just let me go, okay? I’m practically dying anyway,” you argued, trying to pry the flashlight out of his hand. He swiftly pulled his hand above his head and out of your reach.

“Okay, absolutely not. No way…in hell. Alright?”

“Steve,” you looked up at him with so much worry that he about broke right then and there. But what he was doing was to save you, so that you would still be around for him to keep looking into those beautiful eyes.

He pulled you into a tight hug, placing a kiss to the top of his head. You placed a gentle kiss to his bare chest as you tried to swallow the worry that had leapt to your throat. “I’ll be alright, okay? I promise.”

He extended his pinky towards you and you hooked yours around his, taking a deep breath and nodding. “Be careful,” you warned him, and just like that he dove into the lake, disappearing under the surface of the water.

“Holy shit,” you whispered, holding a hand to your chest as you tried to remain calm. Normally when the two of you had faced supernatural bullshit together, you faced it together. The fact that Steve was on a solo mission right now was enough to make your heart explode. Maybe that made you codependent but right now you didn’t care.

“Woah, y/n are you okay?” Robin asked, noticing the way your breath was shaky.

“Yeah, I-I’m fine, I just need….to catch my breath is all,” you responded. She rubbed circles around your back, trying to comfort you while the four of you waited for Steve to resurface. How long could he even hold his breath for? You couldn’t even fucking breathe and you had access to plenty of oxygen.

“Where we at, Wheeler?” Robin asked, starting to get worried herself.

“Closing in on a minute.”

You all stared at the undisturbed lake. The silence was deafening and you were about fifteen seconds away from jumping in yourself when the surface of the water broke and Steve emerged, causing all of you to jump.

“I found it,” Steve reported, swimming towards the side of the boat to get back in.

“You found it?” You asked, hope starting to build in your chest, relieved that your boyfriend was no longer in the depths of Lover’s Lake searching for inter-dimensional portals.

“I found it, yeah, I found it,” he reiterated with a chuckle, his eyes shining as hope began to build in his heart as well. He grabbed onto the side of the boat, and it gently rocked towards him.

“Dustin, you are a goddamn Einstein! Steve found the gate!” Robin reported back to land.

“It’s pretty wild,” Steve explained, “it’s more of a snack sized gate than the mama gate, but still, it’s pretty damn big.”

No sooner had Steve finished his sentence, did he suddenly dip below the surface of the water, his shout cut off by his head nearly going under. He gripped the side of the boat more firmly, it teetering to the side, causing the rest of you to fall off balance. Steve bobbed back up, looking you in the eye, before he was suddenly yanked under the water again, this time losing his grip on the boat and disappearing completely below the surface of the lake.

“Steve!” You shouted, beginning to hyperventilate. You felt your stomach drop as he didn’t resurface. Everyone else on the boat was yelling and shouting and everything was starting to go fuzzy. They sounded far away and all you could hear was your heart beating in your chest.

Eddie, Robin, and Nancy were shouting at each other, arguing about what they should do. Your mind finally cleared in the chaos of the moment. You didn’t think twice, standing up and ignoring their protests as you dove headfirst into the cold water of the lake.

***

a/n: shit’s gettin’ real. Anyway, again so sorry about taking forever, but I hope it was worth the wait :). Reblog if you’re feeling generous and want to make me smile! Also comment! I love hearing what you think and it helps motivate me to write more when I see people interacting with the story! Love you all <3

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bettyfrommars · 1 year

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Might be too much in line with I'm on fire.. but what about classic a classic motorcycle riding drifter.. that is more than meets the eye... maybe more monster than man and that's why he drifts... idk if that's enough maybe he's drifted into small town USA and he meets reader at like a Truckstop/ Diner that's across from the one hotel in town and over days of her waiting on him (EDS) they strike something up... spicy.. if you will.. maybe he finds her delectable and she finds him mysterious & charming idk just spit ballin

The Drifter

missed connections

out on the highway

blurb 1 blurb 2

monster!drifter!Eddie x dinerWaitress!Reader

18+ONLY, smut, blood, oral (f receiving), mention of drug and alcohol addiction, mention of physical abuse by an ex, mention of PTSD, emotional trauma, 2 lost souls finding each other, a killing, monsterfuqqing, but it’s also a really sweet, fluffy story if that makes sense. wc: 4.2

A/N: I was so excited to get this ask! I had to really pull back on the length of this story because I could've kept writing it forever and will most likely bring back Eddie The Drifter again in some oneshots. I did a quick re-read, but sometimes I just need to post these before I obsess over them for too long.

(Also, when Eddie is thinking about how "damaged" they both are, that is his perception, not mine. I think they are both perfect.)

Eddie had been drifting for a while. He didn’t want to know anyone, and he didn’t want anyone to know him. He hadn't been the same since the physical and emotional trauma he’d suffered in The Upside Down. Steve took him by the arm once and told him he understood what he was going through—that they all understood—and that he wasn’t alone. Eddie knew Steve and the rest meant well, but they couldn’t understand, and he was convinced no one ever would. Trauma affects everyone differently and for Eddie, it started to turn him into his father, and that was what scared him more than anything. Dark and brooding with a short fuse, there was a beast living inside of him that had not been there before the ordeal with Vecna; or perhaps, it had just been sleeping.

He lost his temper with Dustin once, and at the time, he thought he was having a very normal reaction to the situation. It wasn’t until he recognized the fear in his younger friend’s eyes–the way he backed away from Eddie and put his hands up as if he needed to protect himself—that Eddie knew he had to go. After years of silent struggle and becoming a hermit more and more, he decided to hit the road.

He started out in his van, sleeping in it, getting odd jobs wherever he went, staying in town just long enough to make some money, and then he was in the wind again. He called Wayne from payphones and sent postcards back home to Hawkins once in a while, but not often. In his mind, they were better off without him.

The second year he was on the road, he ended up getting involved with a biker gang and doing some jobs for them that paid well but were on the wrong side of the law. Before the Upside Down, he’d been more of a lover than a fighter. Sure, he had to defend himself a few times, especially from his old man, and he never took shit from people without giving it back, but ever since he almost died, he’d acquired some type of superhuman strength. There was a transformation that happened in him now, fueled by the adrenaline of his rage, and in the past decade, he’d been paid to hurt more people than he could count. The problem was—he’d started to like it.

Eventually, he was able to trade in his van for a Harley FXS 80, and he carried most of his early possessions with him. He put the rest of what he owned in a storage unit in Oregon, and he’d planned to circle back there again one of these days to get it all when he decided to settle down—but years later, he was still on the road. He’d been using his bedroll to sleep out under the stars the past couple nights, but the clouds told him it was about to rain, and he decided he could use a shower and a real bed for the night.

Red River Junction was less than a dot on a map, a truck stop town with a place to eat, a place to sleep, and a place to pump your gas, set right plop in the middle of nowhere. You’d grown up in a town not too far down the highway, and you were still there, in the same trailer your mother left to you when she passed. You worked at both the Sundown Motel part-time, and at Margie’s Diner, and in your free time, you dreamed about leaving town and never coming back.

You heard the rumble of his motorcycle before you saw it; chrome pipes growling to a stop as the rider found a place for his bike in the lot. A motorcycle, or even an entire MC, pulling into the junction was nothing new. You were the only stop for gas and food for a good fifty miles.

You were staring for so long out the window as he dismounted and took his helmet off, that you overflowed the coffee cup you were refilling and the elderly customer scoffed at you. He had long, curly hair tied back in a ponytail and bangs that had grown out just long enough to tuck behind his ears. Black leather jacket, and leather chaps over his jeans. Your attention was immediately drawn to his jewelry: the small hoop piercing in his ear and the chunky rings across his knuckles. My Boyfriend’s Back by The Angels played softly from the jukebox while you made your way to the front to greet him. The kitchen was slammed with only Big Joe behind the grill, and Leslie was the only other waitress, but she was on a smoke break.

You fumbled the big plastic menu in your hand when he took his sunglasses off to nail you with those star-flecked eyes. “Just one for lunch?”

He tucked his sunglasses into the front of his shirt and looked around. “You still serving breakfast?”

“All day long,” you assured him. Seats at the counter were all full, so you offered him a booth, and he slid in without another word or glance in your direction, taking the menu from you with a grunt. You tried not to stare at his scars: the angry, purple one on his neck, and the deep white slash across his chin. His hands were also flecked with scar tissue from various fights, and punching through mirrors every time he hated his own reflection.

50 year old Leslie was tying her apron and chewing gum when you moved behind her to grab a cup and saucer for his coffee. “Another grumpy one,” you whispered over the sound of clinking silverware and scattered conversations.

Leslie raised her eyebrow a few times, resting her elbow on the counter. “Hell, he can get grumpy with me any day.”

Eddie didn’t say much while you waited on him, and you didn’t think he was paying any attention to you, but he saw the way you splashed a bit of vodka into your soda can behind the counter. He also caught the way you used that same liquid to toss back a couple pills you scooped out of your apron pocket just before you turned to grab some hot plates from the kitchen hatch. He didn’t judge you for it or think it was odd being that he’d spent the past ten years trying to find ways to dull his pain.

He thought you were too beautiful for this deadbeat town; too sweet, too kind. He noticed the bruise on your forearm and the vacancy in your eyes and he felt an instant kinship with you: the damaged recognizing the damaged.

When you came to clear his empty plate, he asked you if the Sundown Motel was a decent place to stay. It was the only motel for miles and he didn’t care how decent it was, he just wanted a reason to keep talking to you.

“Sure, it’s great,” you shrugged. “If you like bedbugs and carpets that look like a violent crime took place recently.”

He met your eyes, and there was a moment of levity there that lightened both of your spirits if only for that moment.

“I’m cool with bedbugs,” he brushed his tongue between his lips. “It gets lonely on the road, it’s nice to have some company.”

He told you his name was Eddie after he read yours off of your name tag, and when you came back from seating a table full of seniors who were on a bus tour to the casino, he was gone.

He left you a generous tip, though, and after hours of getting tipped in quarters and loose change, it felt good to have some solid cash in your pocket. His motorcycle was gone too, and you wondered if he’d decided to hit the road or stay the night.

You told yourself to forget about him, that he was just another drifter you’d never see again, but the evening had other plans for you.

You were supposed to have the night off from both jobs, but Susan at the front desk of the motel begged you to come down and work the check-in desk for an hour while she went to pick her kid up. You wished you could say you had some big plans, but that was absolutely not the case, and so you rolled your car up to the back lot behind the dumpsters and changed out of your orthopedic shoes and into something less drab.

You thought it would be an easy hour to space off and read a book, but ten minutes after you clocked in, two guests locked themselves out of their room. It was a two-tier motel, and as you made your way up the concrete steps with the husband and wife in question behind you, fumbling with the keys, you caught sight of Eddie a few rooms down, and your heart jumped into your throat.

He was sitting in the plastic chair in front of the door to his room, smoking a cigarette, stripped down to jeans and a wife-beater. His hair was still wet from his shower, hanging down his shoulders, showcasing the patchwork of scars that covered his flesh.

He didn’t make eye contact, but he saw you. In fact, he knew you were on your way a few minutes before that, because he heard your voice, and it made him stay and light another smoke. He flicked his ash and waited for you to let the couple into their room.

On your way back to the stairs, the soda and snack machine blocked your view, but once you rounded the corner, there he was again.

“Is your room satisfactory, sir?” You put the keys in your pocket and stood tall, pretending to act professional.

Eddie met your eyes then, staring up through his lashes, and one side of his mouth lifted in a smirk. “Disappointed I haven’t found any bedbugs.”

You coughed a laugh, swaying on your feet. “Give it time. They come out at dark.”

Eddie didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but he’d also learned never to miss an opportunity with how transient his life was. His attraction to you was not purely physical, which was a rare occurrence for him.

He shifted in his seat, a silky curl of gray smoke passing from his lips. “Are you free later tonight? Can I buy you dinner?”

Suddenly shy and baffled as to why he’d have any interest, you lowered your chin and shuffled your foot.

“I-I’ve got a boyfriend,” you cringed as you said it. Tony had cheated on you and left you more times than you could count. He took off a couple days ago after he knocked you around, and you had no idea where he was, but you continued to hold onto this strange sense of loyalty for him. Perhaps it was because you were convinced he was the best you could do.

“Did the tough guy do that to your arm?” Eddie asked in a low mumble, his eyes lingering on your bruises.

You covered the marks with your other hand, reflexively. “He’s been under a lot of stress lately,” you always felt like such an idiot when you defended that loser, but you didn’t know how to stop.

“Well,” Eddie smashed the butt in the ashtray by his chair and stood up to full height. One nipple under his white tank was hard, but the other one seemed to be missing. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

You were too stupefied to move, you just stood there holding your arm, waiting for him to go back into his room.

But Eddie paused in the doorway and turned to give you one last look. “You deserve a lot better, sweetheart. If he puts his hands on you while I’m around, I’ll fucking kill him.”

—------

You thought about Eddie’s words for the rest of your shift. When it was over, you drove the ten miles back to your trailer, took a shower, and found yourself driving back to the motel, as if your will was no longer your own.

“What are you even doing?” You hissed aloud to yourself as you parked behind the Sundown in your usual spot. It was dusk now and you accepted the possibility that he’d probably invited a different woman out to dinner by then, but any amount of reasoning couldn’t stop you. You checked the scene first, looking up from the main parking lot to catch the flicker of the tv in his room to let you know he was, indeed, still up there. His motorcycle was safe in its place, too, and you realized you hadn’t even prepared what to say. You were an anxious mess, but you were also hungry for him in a way that was foreign to you.

You hadn’t known much comfort or safety in your life, but you felt those things when you were around Eddie.

After standing at his door for a good 5 minutes, you finally found the courage to knock.

Eddie opened the door while your knuckles were still on the wood. His eyes looked you over, offering a buck of his chin in appreciation. “Well, well. You are a gorgeous bedbug.”

Your cheeks burned hot at the complement. “I had some free time, so I thought I’d just check and see how you were doing, if you have everything you need.”

Eddie braced his shoulder against the door jam, giving you a squint. “So, you came to check on me while you’re off the clock? Damn, that is good service.”

You flexed your hands, forcing a laugh, trying your best not to just turn around and run away.

“Are you hungry?” Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to come in? Cause we can —”

“I’m not hungry.” You answered, bolting inside of his room when he extended his arm as an invitation, before you lost your nerve.

“Neither am I,” Eddie agreed. But, he was craving something else.

He locked the deadbolt and made sure the curtains were closed.

—-----

There were very few words left to be spoken as your lips collided with his, meeting with equal levels of urgency. You kept trying to kiss him deep and desperate while your hand palmed him through his jeans, but he held you off a bit with soft pressure. He cupped your face and caressed your cheek with his thumb while he kissed you, giving individual attention to your top lip and then the bottom one. He kissed down your neck, flicking his tongue out every so often to taste you, making you gasp—you’d never been worshiped with someone's mouth before.

Breathing heavy, he started to unbutton your shirt. “Is this okay?” He asked, wondering how far you wanted to take it.

“Yes,” you gulped. “Please.”

Once you had his shirt off, you bent down to kiss and lick his scars—it was an unspoken act of acceptance that made Eddie’s cock twitch. You weren’t used to being cared for in bed, and Eddie could tell by the way you hurried to push your jeans down and bend over so he could take you from behind.

“Not like that,” he whispered, using strong arms to lower you to the bed while he shimmied your jeans off. He got on his knees and scooped up your hips, nudging your pussy through your underwear with his nose, and then he planted kisses across the wet spot and along your inner thigh. The animal inside of him loved your scent; he wanted to bury himself in it, and he couldn’t help the growl that escaped him.

You fell back on the bed and covered your face with one hand. “Wait, I’m—not many people have done that—I’m not sure how to—”

Eddie finger pulled your underwear to one side, exposing your slippery lips for his tongue to flick. “Do you want me to stop?”

You arched back at the sensation of his mouth on you. “No, no, please don’t stop,” you urged, putting your hand on his head to gently cup his ear, the one with the silver hoop.

He moved away just long enough to pull your underwear all the way down your legs and off, maintaining eye contact with you. He didn’t rush, he took his time, and kissed his way back up your legs to the prize.

The gentle and precise way he swirled his tongue on your clit had you stammering his name with a few curses in between. As his attention to your bundle of nerves built your arousal and it spilled down your slit, he dove his mouth down a few times to taste it and drink you, shivering at the pleasure it gave him. He couldn’t help it, he had to reach down to grab his cock so he could fist it while his mouth brought you closer. The taste of your hormones in your slick had pre-cum wetting his tip already.

Tony had only gone down on you a few times, and he never really seemed to enjoy it. But Eddie was one of those who could eat a peach for hours, as they say.

“Right…there…” you hushed, startled as you felt the wave of an orgasm rise. Eddie zeroed in on that spot with just the right pressure, fluttering his tongue as he sucked. His other hand milked his cock in long strokes, taming the beast from cumming too soon, moaning warm breath against your cunt.

“Eddie!” You cried out just as the release took you and wracked your body, like a spring popping out of a tight coil, unraveling. Eddie pressed his mouth closer to lap you up, feeling your body vibrate as he held your hip in place.

He only broke the seal made by his mouth once you were too sensitive, and your limbs dangled off the bed for a minute, unable to move.

It didn’t take long for you to start coaxing him up on top of you, spreading your legs out, begging for him to be closer. He met your kiss with deep, soul-searching need, and you whined at the sensation of his tip sliding up and down your slick. But, then he hesitated, and pulled up to meet your eyes.

“Inside of me,” you begged, nodding. “I need you inside of me.”

And yes, that was what Eddie wanted too, but now there was another problem.

Eddie’s ears pricked at the sound of footsteps outside the door. He sniffed the air, trying to identify the presence. He slid off of you and stood, watching the door while he pulled his jeans up and zipped his stiff, aching cock into place behind the denim.

Shuffling up onto your elbows, you were about to speak, to ask what was wrong, but Eddie silenced you with a finger to his lips. He tossed your jeans over and motioned over his shoulder for you to put them on in the bathroom.

There was something about the whole situation, and Eddie’s sudden silence, that unnerved you, and so you scampered off the bed as quietly as you could and did as he asked.

There were no lights on in the room, except for the infomercial on the mute TV, but the bright moon illuminated the walkway outside enough for him to catch sight of someone pacing out there.

Finally, there came a heavy knock and a voice.

It was Tony, and he shouted your name. “ARE YOU IN THERE? HUH? You fucking whore!”

You buttoned your jeans and all of the blood ran from your face. Eddie turned his head to look at you. The adrenaline of pure fear pumped through your body as you froze in place.

Eddie put his hand out, motioning for you to stay right where you were, behind him.

Tony pounded on the door again. “YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM ME! One of my guys said he saw you go in here with some fucking dude. IF YOU’RE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE I’LL KILL YOU, you goddamn bitch!”

By “one of his guys” Tony meant one of the other drug dealers in town, who were generally crawling all over the motel, leeching off of the clientele. Eddie looked deceptively calm as he stood at the end of the bed, breathing slow, and you walked over to grab his arm, to warn him that Tony was a crazy motherfucker, and you’d just go with him so Eddie wouldn’t get hurt.

But Eddie motioned for you to hide, so you did.

“Hold up, man,” Eddie was moving now, heading to undo the deadbolt and you cringed, pushing back as tight as you could between the wall and the bathroom door.

Once the door was unlocked, Tony stood there heaving, looking Eddie up and down. Tony was big in a stocky way, but not big like Eddie, and he enjoyed that flash of fear that lit over his adversary’s eyes at first glance. Sure, the guy had some obvious prison ink, but that didn’t mean shit to Eddie.

“Where is she?” Tony demanded, pushing in.

“Where’s who, man?” Eddie was being so casual about it, and you were trying not to scream.

Eddie shut the door and quietly locked it behind him

Tony’s eyes darted around the room, and then he spun on his heel; his eyes were pinned and doped-out. “Don’t act dumb, man. My fucking girl. Someone said they saw her come up here.”

Tony walked up to Eddie and started poking him in the chest. “Tell me where that fucking whore is before I make you my bitch.”

Nothing could have prepared you for what happened next—for the transformation and the carnage. You witnessed it all through the crack in the bathroom door as if you were watching a horror movie.

Eddie changed, in an instant; the muscles in his shoulders and arms bulged, the teeth in his mouth turned jagged and sharp, and his eyes went completely black. His massive, clawed hand wrapped around Tony’s throat, lifting him up so that his feet no longer touched the ground.

You muffle a scream with your hand, watching Tony gargle and spit, his limbs flailing.

Eddie’s lips stretched to speak around his fangs. “She’s not your girl anymore,” he growled.

Eddie strangled Tony with one hand until he lost consciousness, and then he threw him to the bed like a rag doll, pouncing on top of him. He proceeded to rip his throat open with his teeth; blood squirted on the wall and across the door where you were hiding, misting you in the face.

When he was finished, you made your way out of the bathroom.

Eddie was still a monster as he got off the bed at the sight of your approach. His clawed hands twitched at his sides, his hair dripped with blood, and his skin from nose to chest was bathed in crimson. His black eyes assessed you, waiting for you to scream or try to run—-but you didn’t.

You got close enough to touch him, to run your hand up his chest to feel the blood between your fingers, and then brush some bloody hair behind his ear.

Eddie frowned, wondering why you weren’t afraid of him, wondering why your desire for him didn’t seem to falter.

You parted your lips, watching the red drool drip from his teeth. “Are you okay?"

Your mouths found each other again, tasting the tang of your own blood as one of his fangs pricked your lip. You each did frantic work of unzipping each other’s jeans as Eddie scooped you up to lay you on the floor.

While the last few pumps of blood shot from Tony’s artery, monster Eddie spilled his seed inside of you, throwing his head back with a howl.

Now, there really had been a crime committed in that room, and Eddie would need to be on the road again, gone by daylight.

Maybe this time, you’d be going with him.

#Eddie Munson #Eddie munson fic #Eddie munson monster #monster!Eddie #drifter!Eddie #requests #biker!Eddie #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x reader #diner au #truckstop au

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myspacebrat · 2 years

Text

Fooled round & fell in love (part five)

Eddie Munson X Female!reader

summary: you’re in love with your best friend but your best friend thinks love is for losers, choosing to sleep around rather than settle down. You’ve had enough and you’re ready to move on from your feelings, luckily you find someone who might make that possible but does Eddie really hate love as much as he leads on?

warnings: angstttt, hurt/comfort, allusions to depression, mention of reader having a ponytail, reader has some self doubt, cussing, fluffff

A/N: This took me a little longer then I wanted, I had this chapter almost completely written out but didn’t save it so when I went to change a song on Spotify and went back the whole app refreshed and everything was gone, yes, I had a mini break down lmao but wow I’m so proud of this series and I so glad to finally get the finale posted 🖤 Thank you to everyone who took the time out to read it! Also extra points if you get the twilight reference.

“Hey baby” rings out in your ears, your stomach drops at the sight in front of you, your feet feel stuck to the floor beneath you

“What are you doing here?” Eddie says to the blonde hanging off of his neck

“You called me and told me to come over, remember?” She says as she furrows her eyebrows

“I, what?” Eddie grits out while his jaw tenses

“Cmon baby, let’s have a repeat of the other night? I can’t stop thinking about you” she wines out

You’re still stuck, so silent the girl in front of you doesn’t even recognize your presence

But once those words leave her mouth, Eddie’s looking over at you with sullen eyes, and a look you couldn’t quite place, as he does, she finally realizes they’re not alone

“Who is she?!” She spits out

“Look you really need to go!”

“What the fuck Eddie? I said who is she?” The girl growled

“Get the fuck out!” Eddie yelled out

The girl turns to look at you while she clenches her jaw

“He’s just using you! I bet he said a bunch of crap that made you feel real special, huh?”

Eddie’s eyes widen at her words

She turns around rushing out of the door slamming it, almost making the whole trailer shake

“Y/n” Eddie says taking a couple steps towards you, he can see the tears brimming in your eyes

“Babe, please let me explain that” he says trying his best to be calm

Finally you snap out of whatever daze you’re in

“I can’t believe I actually fell for your bullshit, Eddie. What was she suppose to be your round two after I left?”

“What? No, no please I don’t even know what she’s talking about!”

“Yeah, okay, I’m gunna go” you grab your keys and head for the door

“Baby-“

“Don’t call me that, I’m not your baby, we’re not even friends, I wish I never let you touch me!” You say as tears roll down your cheeks

“Y/n don’t say that, please”

You race to your car and jump in slamming the door, as you peel off, you hear Eddie yelling your name, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him in the rear view mirror. On your drive home you can barely see through the tears in your eyes, it’s late so luckily the streets are dead, and all you want to do is get home and curl up in a ball and cry yourself to sleep

How could Eddie tell you all of those things knowing he invited another girl over, like you were nothing but another notch on his belt, You really felt like you two connected on a different level, you thought maybe since Eddie has known you for so long that you would be different, you would mean more to him.

The blonde girls words kept playing back in your mind

“Repeat of the other night” “I can’t stop thinking about you” “he’s just using you” “I bet he said a bunch of crap that made you feel real special, huh?”

Okay yes he dropped the L word, yes he said you were his dream girl but is that just shit he says in the throes of passion?

You felt physically sick to your stomach, but apart of you wished you heard him out, listened to what he had to say.

You weren’t sure what to feel in this moment, so many emotions pulling you in different directions, you just wanted to scream

Finally you pull up to your drive way, and make your way inside. Luckily your mom’s asleep or else she would definitely ask questions about the mascara and tears staining your face, and you just couldn’t bring yourself to talk about it. As you trudge upstairs, you make it into your room shutting your door and yanking your clothes off, all of them smelling like Eddie and you just wanted them as far away from you as possible, you throw them in your hamper and pull on a big shirt as you slide under your covers turning out the lamp on your nightstand

You toss and turn, trying your hardest to fight back tears but you can’t they flow out of you like a stream

You cry so much your chest starts to physically hurt, and in that moment you promise yourself after you get this agonizingly painful cry out, you won’t shed anymore tears for Eddie

You continue to cry until you eventually drift off to sleep.

The next morning you wake up to your phone ringing off the hook, you look at your clock on your nightstand, the big red numbers making your eyes squint a bit before they eventually adjusted, reading 12:42 pm, you sit up and stretch as the memories of the night before play like a movie reel in your head, your stomach twists as you remember every little detail of last night, you decide to ignore the phone and head to the shower wanting to scrub the nights events off your skin.

As you wrap a towel in your hair and put your black silk robe on tying it securely to your body, you make your way back into your room, you hear the phone go off for what seems like the 5th time, as much as you just want to shut down and lock yourself inside never having to deal with anyone again, you know thats just not realistic so you hesitantly walk over to the white house phone sitting on your desk.

You clear your throat as you answer

“Hello?” It comes out way more hoarse then you would’ve liked

“Sweetheart, please don’t hang up! I need to talk to you, please” Eddie let’s out in almost a panic

“Eddie, I have nothing to say to you, lose my number” you say as tears threaten to spill again, guess that promise you made to yourself is tougher then you thought

You slam the phone back down not wanting to hear another word from him.

As you make your way to your closet to pick out some clothes, your phone rings again, and now instead of tears you’re seething “can he not take the fucking hint?” You think to yourself

“I said leave me alone!” You bark out

“Woah, what did I do?” Robin says while removing the phone from her ear and looking at it in confusion

“Oh my god, Rob I’m so sorry, I thought you were someone else” you say as you let out a deep breath and let your tense shoulders deflate back to their normal position

“And who would that be?” She says as she laughs

“It’s not that important, anyway what’s up?” You say trying to change the subject

“Well, you never called me back after the other night, and I was just wondering how everything went with you and that Randy guy? But now i’m not so sure I should’ve brought him up” she says

“Oh, yeah me and Randy aren’t really talking anymore, we just kind of decided we weren’t for each other, I guess” you say trying to sound as convincing as possible

You didn’t wanna lie to Robin, she’s your best friend but you just couldn’t go into detail about the whole situation, god you were still humiliated enough by saying Eddie’s name while Randy made you cum, but also Eddie’s friends with Steve and Steve’s friends with Robin so you didn’t wanna create awkward tension between anyone, knowing Robin would have your back if she did run into Eddie. You’ll tell her eventually but now is just not the time

“I’m sorry, babe, well you know what they say, there’s more fish in the sea and all that” she says trying to be as empathetic as possible

“Yeah, well lucky for me I don’t think I’ll be exploring the sea for a very long time” you laugh out

“Hey, how about we hang out today? Maybe go to Benny’s and grab some burgers and shakes? Forget about the burdens of our failing love lives?” She says as she wiggles her brows up and down, like you can see her through the phone

“Um, yeah that actually sounds nice, I wouldn’t mind stuffing my face with some fries and a strawberry shake” you say almost excited

“Okay, I’m gunna tell Steve and we’ll be on our way to pick you up, say around 3:30?”

“Kay, I’ll see you then”

As you hang up you start to overthink, what if Eddie shows up, what if Eddie’s already told Steve, what if, after what if, and now you are almost tempted to call Robin back and cancel, but you know you can’t, you already made plans

Finally you walk back over to your closet and pick out your outfit for the day which consisted of high waisted jeans, a white tank top and a cropped leather moto jacket, you make your way into your bathroom to throw on as little makeup as possible just a little something to cover up the redness from a night of crying, you decide to just pull your hair into a ponytail on top of your head, leaving bangs and some face framing pieces out, you slip some sneakers on and after your finished you make your way downstairs, to watch some tv until Robin and Steve get there

After about an hour of mindlessly flipping through channels and finally landing on music videos on MTV, you hear a car pull up in your driveway, you walk over to the window peaking out, to see Steve’s bmw. You grab your bag, turn the tv off and head out the front door.

“Hey, there she is” Steve says with a smile

“Hey guys, thank you for picking me up” you say as you slide in the back seat

“Don’t mention it” Steve and Robin say in unison

“It really creeps me out when you guys do that” you say as you stifle a laugh

Steve shoots a playful glare at you in the rear view mirror, and you can’t help but to giggle, which in turn makes Steve laugh

“So” Robin says “do you need me and Stevie here to beat this Randy guy up?” She says as she looks back at you, and you wonder if she can tell you’ve been crying

“No, Randy’s not my problem” you say without giving that statement much thought

“You sure?” Steve says looking at you again in the rear view mirror almost trying to read your face

“Guys, I’m fine can we just go pig out, please?” You beg

“Fine, fine let’s go” Robin says as Steve puts the car into reverse and backs out of your driveway

Once you walk into Benny’s with Steve to your right and Robin to your left, you are greeted with a waitress who tells you to sit any where you’d like, so you all opt for your usual booth in the back. its pretty big as it almost wraps around the whole table, being able to sit up to at least 6 people.

You all scoot into the booth and begin talking about god knows what, it’s more Steve and Robin talking while you get lost in thought but pretend to listen as you nod your head to the little words you catch here and there.

But your ears perk up when you hear Steve mention Eddie’s name, Robin asked where he was and that we should’ve invited him, but Steve says he had some business to take care of, whatever that means.

Before you’re able to get back to your thoughts the waitress is asking if you’re ready with your orders, she’s tapping her foot and chewing her gum as she waits for Robin to decide whether she wants fries or onion rings. Once the orders are put in, Steve and Robin go back to their normal chatter and banter, while you butt in every once in awhile. You’ve never felt like this before almost too stuck in your head, like it’s almost impossible to follow through with a whole conversation. After everyone’s done eating, you’re ready to head back home and maybe hide out in your room for another couple of days, this was too much human interaction for you and you just wanted to be alone with your thoughts. Once you all are finished eating you split the bill and head back out to Steve’s car, as Robin gets in the front seat, Steve stops you

“Listen, Eddie told me what happened and as a friend to a friend I really think you should hear him out y/n” he says with doe eyes you almost feel like he’s trying to play this up for Eddie, make you feel bad so you’ll talk to him

“I really don’t have anything to say to him Steve, I mean I don’t know what he told you but what he did was really fucked up”

“Yeah he told me” he says nodding his head

Your eyes widen a bit

“Like everything?” You say as you look down

“Well I mean he didn’t go into detail if thats what you’re asking but I mean I know enough” he says

“And you don’t think thats fucked? Telling me he’s in love with me and then inviting another girl over? Like who does that?”

“I don’t think that’s exactly what happened y/n”

“Okay so what did happen Steve?” You say as you start to get annoyed

“I don’t know but Eddie wouldn’t do that to you, I’m just saying you should hear him out” he says as he heads back to his side of the car, opening the door and getting in, leaving you there as you stair at the ground, lost in thought. After a few seconds you make your way to the car and slide into the backseat

“Is everything okay?” Robin says as she looks from you to Steve

“Yup, everything’s fine” you say as Steve nods in agreement

Once they pull up to the curb in front of your house, you thank them and tell Robin you’ll talk to her later. You head inside greeting your mom who’s just got home from work, you tell her about your day and listen to her latest work gossip, and then you head up to your room, once inside you take off your jacket and jeans and leave your white tank top on and slip on some black cotton shorts. As you sit in bed you realize how exhausted you feel and decide to take a nap, and maybe deal with the whole “listening to Eddie” situation later

As you drift off to sleep you can’t help but to dream of Eddie, his face, his hands, his lips, god you wanted to hate him, but this was physically taking so much out of you, you were still so irrevocably in love with him

The sounds of tapping wake you up from the best nap of your life. Once your eyes open and adjust to the darkness you hear the tapping again, as you sit up you realize it’s coming from your window, you stand up making your way over but as you look down into your driveway your breath hitches as you see Eddie releasing another rock into the air, as it hits the glass you flinch and back up, debating if you want to shut your curtains and go back to bed, but the conversation with Steve is still fresh in your mind, so without giving it a second thought you open your window

“Eddie, what are you doing here?” You hissed

“Come outside, please!” He yells back

“Eddie go home!” At this point you want him to beg before you hear him out

And almost like he read your mind, he yells back

“Please y/n, five minutes just give me five minutes!”

You close your window and go downstairs, throwing on the sneakers you wore earlier, as you head outside you see Eddie leaning against his van with a cigarette perched in his mouth, when he sees you he looks at you with the saddest eyes, as you get closer it almost looks like he’s been crying

“Your five minutes start now” you say as you fold your arms over your chest

“Okay, well what happened last night was not what you think, I never invited Becky over” he cries out

“Oh that’s her name” you think to yourself

“She said I called her and invited her over, and that was bullshit” he says as he fiddles with the cigarette in his hand

“Okay so enlighten me Eddie, what did happen?” You say a little condescending

“I spent all fucking day trying to figure that out, and after talking to a few people, I found out Becky and Randy are friends, like they definitely run in the same circle and what I believe happened is Randy asked her to come over and say that I invited her, how he knew you were there I don’t know, but I promise you sweetheart, I would never do some shit like that, not to you, everything I told you last night, I’ve been wanting to tell you for years but I was too stupid and too pussy. But that aside, I would never do anything, anything to lose you! Fuck y/n I mean I’ve never felt this way before and after last night I can’t even imagine being with anyone else. I don’t think my dick could get hard for anyone but you, now”

You roll your eyes at that

“Real romantic, Munson” you retort

“I’m serious” he says as he takes a step closer to you

You don’t move as he takes a couple more steps closer now standing directly in front of you, you’re looking up into his eyes trying to scan it for any bullshit, but all you see is sincerity and that makes your stomach flutter

“Okay, your five minutes are up” you whisper up to him as he looks down at you starring into your eyes

“Cmon y/n you have to believe me” he whispers back, as the hand without the cigarette comes up to cup your cheek, he’s surprised when you don’t make a move to pull away

“I do believe you” you whisper back as tears fill your water line

“But I don’t know, eddie” you say as you shake your head “I mean if we do this, what if you realize I’m not enough? What if you get bored? I can’t compete with all those girls, and that lifestyle” you say as the tears begin to fall

Eddie wipes them away with his thumb as his own tears threaten to spill

“Baby, you’re so much more than enough, you don’t have to compete with shit, because there is no competition, I want you, I’ve already had that and now I just want you, I want you to be mine”

“I have one more question” you spit out almost not thinking before you said it

“Yeah, anything?” Eddie says while nodding his head

“What did she mean by, I bet he said some crap that made you feel special? What did you tell her?” You say almost too nervous to hear the answer

Eddie let’s out a deep breath before he begins talking

“I’m gonna be honest with you, absofuckinglutely nothing, we barely talked I fucked her for a total of maybe four minutes, before I pretended to cum so she could get the fuck out of there. The only reason I went home with her was because I wanted to see if you’d get jealous maybe show me some kind of reaction but you were too busy cozied up to Randy boy, and then when I took her back to my place, I regretted it cause all I could think about was you. I really wanted to pull you off of his lap and drag you back home and teach you fucking lesson, god when I showed up to your house and seen you in that little outfit I had an instant hard on, I wanted to tell you how I felt then, but when you told me you were seeing someone I didn’t wanna ruin it for you no matter how jealous I was”

His words make your heart soar, you can’t believe you spent all night crying over something you shouldn’t have been crying over, now you felt like it was your turn to grovel

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I should’ve heard you out instead of assuming the worst” you say as you wrap your arms around his waste and put your chin on his chest

“S’kay baby, I’m just glad we’re okay, I’ve been a fucking wreck since last night”

“Me too” you say as you both laugh at each others sheer stupidity

“Hey do you wanna go for a drive or something?” He says looking at you with a glint of hope in his eyes

“Mm, I don’t know if I should” you say as you look back at your house, debating whether it’s a good idea

But when you look back into his doe eyes you can’t say no

“You know what, fuck it, yeah let’s go” you say with a smirk

“That’s my girl” he says back with his signature mischievous grin

my girl

I could get use to that.

epilogue

THANK YOU FOR READING

PLEASE COMMENT AND REBLOG 🖤

•tag list•

@sidthedollface2 @ajeff855 @i-h4temyself @tlclick73 @mmvnsons @emma77645 @saramelaniemoon @big-ope-vibes @vulgarfuckinvirgo77 @melaninjhs @manda-panda-monium @vulcrum332 @bambi-munson @arioneway @daleyeahson @demeterlindavis @seventhlevelofhell @aysheashea @marvelcasey05 @twirls827 @kittykaylat1987 @user12875671 @sznofdawitch @81rain @starrywhitenight @supercali20 @eddielives1986 @micheledawn1975 @erinsingalong @f-me-reid @ladydragon4890 @ireidsmut @hllfrclb @harrys-tittie @loritate7311 @yogizzz @sammyunicornpoop-blog @ilovecupcakesandtea @gingertimelord @ladysteddie @fancyghosttrashhero-blog @lelenikki @trikigirl271 @silasforest @joekeeryswife @lechera-con-leche @bebe0701 @megaeternallove @smilechannie @lokiofasgard616 @eternal-fangirl l @hargrovesswifee @celest-fox @hiscrimsonangel @adreamaway08 @thickiesixx @eddies-puppet @luceneraium @jenisnotlost @bryceisalegend @avobabe87 @eddiesprincess86

#— 𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒 #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson series #eddie munson x female reader

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lume-nosity · 2 years

Text

if they get isekai’d to our world

characters: tighnari, nilou, yun jin, eula, aether, lumine, heizou, kazuha, xiao

genre: fluff

an: this is completely self indulgent and i may make a part 2 of this when i’m feeling up for it. take this post before i vanish again for the week. i’ll see you all again on the weekends <3

notes: not proofread, gender neutral reader, swearing, written in hc form so it’s short/weird, reverse isekai trope, written in one day

reblogs are appreciated!

trusting tighnari with your plants.

he’s experienced in the botanical area, so have him tend to them. it’ll also give him an opportunity to study/observe said plant(s), so just have him watch your plants when you don’t have the time. he’ll be very happy.

but if he finds out that you haven’t been caring for them before the isekai fiasco, he will scold you. and then give you a lecture on why and how you should care for them.

if you have like a book on plants/biology/anything plant related, he’ll be thrilled to read such a book from you. he will spend sleepless nights reading it, and you have to remind him to take it easy.

nilou, yun jin, and eula playing just dance.

nilou’s having a great time, ended up getting high scores while eula is flustered but she still maintains her graceful stature when dancing.

eula didn’t want to play at first because she’s suspicious of the game, but she was dragged into playing so she didn’t have any other choice. she ended up liking it but of course she doesn’t admit it. and yun jin is just glad she gets to be a part of it.

all of you are dancing the night away frfr

having venti listen to your playlists.

as it’s known, he knows every song in existence. but listening to your playlists, he’s surprised he’s never heard of such a tune before. because, you know, he’s not from your world.

but even so, it reels him in wanting more. so he begs you to borrow your phone to listen to your playlists, especially new ones you just made.

when you left your phone somewhere unattended and venti came across it, he looked both sides before snagging your phone off of its place to listen to your playlists in secret. ehe.

aether & lumine being your errand buddies.

if you’re planning to go out to run an errand like buying groceries or something, these two are the first ones to volunteer to help. i know they do everything in teyvat; doing shit for everyone and all that but this is different. when they got isekai’d, they’re reunited! (i’m going to ignore the abyss sibling bullshit okay let me write in peace i want these two to be happy)

so they’re returning the favor by assisting you in anything! even in your house, they still help you with chores and whatnot! which made you worry for them, so you’ve decided to arrange a time where you all could sit and chat. they talked about their journeys to other worlds, and you could listen to them talk for hours.

introducing heizou to true crime documentaries.

ohhhhh boy you know he will binge the SHIT out of them. now that he doesn’t have to deal with missing pets, he has something interesting to indulge himself in.

he ends up figuring out who’s the culprit before the show could even reveal who. which shocks you, if you’re the type to take a long time trying to connect the dots.

if you show him some unsolved cases, you know damn well he’ll look/watch into it. you have a smart detective on your hands, and if he ends up solving them as well, you must be writhing in pride that you and heizou are the only ones who know the truth.

kazuha asking you to go out on a stroll from time to time.

one time when he accompanies you and your errand buddies because he wants to see what your world looks like in addition to lending another hand, he wants to see that again. the wind, the sky, the view, all of that. it’s all unique to him.

so, expect him to ask you if you’d like to go out on a little stroll for a while. it’s an excuse for him to feel what your world would be like, to digest its features and compliment it all in a poetic sense.

most likely points out the colors of the leaves you guys walk by. he’s just blabbering about nature while you’re out here digesting his words and your mind turns into an actual tree from listening.

teaching xiao everything you know about your world.

yes, this seems bland, but listen. xiao is oblivious to how teyvat works in terms of tradition/humans, and now that he’s isekai’d to your world, you have to teach this poor innocent individual.

he needs information in order to adapt to this new world he’s not familiar with, knowing there’s not really a way out.

xiao is listening intently and nodding to everything you say, asking questions at the same time.

this isn’t part of the headcanon, but he’s also cautious when you say you’re going to go out at night especially when aether & lumine are busy with other matters. if that were to happen he will be the one to step in. no danger will befall you when you have a yaksha by your side.

#✏️ lume writes #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin fluff #genshin headcanons #tighnari x reader #nilou x reader #yun jin x reader #eula x reader #aether x reader #lumine x reader #heizou x reader #kazuha x reader #xiao x reader #x gn reader

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scoops-aboy86 · 3 months

Text

Just Keeping Life & Soul Together (Secret Admirer pt 4)

Steddie Week 2024, July 4: Trade / body swap / Wouldn't It Be Good by Nik Kershaw

wc: 1812 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3

By the time Steve recovers enough to drive home, it’s time to clock out anyway. Robin hangs back, not taking off on her bike until she sees him get in the car, and he’s had more time to think about it now.

Robin’s outfit that she’d changed into in the employee bathroom after clocking out is an eclectic mishmash of different colors and patterns; Secret Admirer said they wear mostly dark colors. That’s not the only reason it isn’t her, but Steve can’t quite put a finger on anything else. It’s just… she has a very different vibe.

He’s exhausted and still not feeling great, so that’s as far as he thinks about it.

But the next morning he wakes up, still with some of that post-headache grogginess but better, and realizes that if she was telling the truth about someone in the ice cream parlor sending him that cone, Secret Admirer was there. Probably saw how out of it he was and felt bad, but not bad enough to overcome their reservations about revealing themselves.

God, Steve wishes he could remember who had been in Scoops when his efforts to ‘man up’ and push through the pain had crumbled. He doesn’t, but that’s okay. Robin knows.

Dear Secret Admirer,

Yes keep writing. Please keep writing. My head’s been killing me these past couple days and wanting to write back to you is the only thing that’s kept me going. I’m sorry I got Bilbo’s name wrong.

So I guess you already knew I had a headache the other day since you sent me that ice cream. That was you, right? Strawberry with rainbow sprinkles? I wish you would’ve stayed. I know you’re shy or scared of me not wanting you once I know who you are, but it really kind of sucked that you didn’t. I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything but I missed you so much even though I don’t know you. But I feel like I do know you, because you keep telling me things about yourself, like bread crumbs in that fairy tale from the book my mom used to read to me when I was a little kid but she stopped a long time ago because my dad didn’t want me to be a sissy momma’s boy. But fuck that, sometimes everyone needs to be read a story so they have something good in their head while they go to sleep, okay? I have nightmares a lot. I can’t tell you about them because I signed an NDA, but they’re horrible. I wake up screaming sometimes, only I can’t when my parents are home because my dad gets pissed and my mom gets disappointed, just like they did about how hurt I got last year. And the year before. It’s all connected and it’s all bullshit and none of it was my fault, I just happened to be there and I got sucked in and I keep getting sucked in and some nights I can’t even sleep anymore.

You said you smoke, right? Cigarettes and other stuff. Cigarettes don’t help, drinking makes me feel like shit, so maybe I should try the other stuff. Does it help with sleeping? Do you think it would help my headaches or make me not dream so much? I’m so tired and I keep thinking that if I got some the smell would be like you’re there, since you smoke it too. I want to feel like you’re here with me so I’m not alone. Maybe if you were here the nightmares wouldn’t be as bad and I could get some sleep and then the headaches wouldn’t happen as often because you were right, they get worse if I don’t get enough sleep or if I’m stressed out.

What if you called me sometime? 555-5555. You wouldn’t have to say anything, maybe just play some of the music that you think I’d hate and I can tell you if I do or not? Just let me talk to you? The hard thing about writing is I have to fill a whole page without any way to know what you think about any of it for at least a few days, and I guess a one-sided phone conversation isn’t that different but it would be something, right? I might like your music after all and then we’ll have something in common. Or maybe I can listen and then you can write to me about why you like it and if it’s something I didn’t think of (there are a lot of things I don’t think about on the first try, perspectives and stuff) maybe it’ll grow on me. Sorry if I’m pushing too hard but you said you wanted to give me something with all this and it was just an idea I had. You could give me new things to find out about, like with the Hobbit in his hole eating his hobbit breakfast. (I really liked the part with the glowing sword, that was awesome, I wish my bat would glow when )

Anyway. Robin knows about my headaches now too I guess, which is embarrassing. She was nice about it though and let me hide in the back until I could go home, but she probably still hates me for being King Steve. I’d write about something else but there’s not a lot going on in my life besides you.

— Steve

PS My parents are gone all this week, so if you do call it’s just me here. And you can call whenever, but maybe Friday at 10:30? You don’t have to though. Just keep writing.

The next time Steve goes to work, head no longer in danger of splitting open, Robin still calls him a dingus. It doesn’t feel as mean as it used to though. So that’s something.

It’s easier now to take her jabs in stride. Before he’d just tried to let it roll off him like water off a duck, but he cautiously tries out responding in kind.

“Your hat’s on backwards,” she calls across the parlor, smirking when it makes him reach up to check. “Made you look!”

Five minutes later, he gets her back with, “Your shoe’s untied.” When she glances down, he grins and adds, “Yeah that’s right, Buckley, two can play at this game.”

“Oh, it is on, Harrington.”

They start racing during the slow times when there are only a couple of people in line at a time, one sticking to scooping and the other ringing up while the former tries to move the second customer along before the latter finishes the first transaction. It’s a much better use of the You Rule / You Suck board, though she does still add tallies for whatever she considers Steve’s failed flirting attempts. (He’s not even trying anymore, not with Secret Admirer always on his mind these days.) Makes the ache of pining a little easier to bear; makes the day almost fun.

“Hey, so,” Steve ventures while they’re cleaning up after close. “I have a question.”

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Robin tense up. “What?”

He feels wrong-footed already, if just that was enough to put her on edge, but he can’t stop now that he’s pulled the trigger. “Who, uh. Who sent me the ice cream the other day?”

She blinks, and once she’s processed the question the stiffness in her posture goes away as quickly as it had come. “Oooh. You think someone’s sweet on you, is that it? Admit it.”

“No,” Steve sputters back. Even he had to admit, though, that the way his face heats up immediately really undercuts the claim.

“Tell you what.” She crosses her arms and leans back against the counter, eyeing him smugly. “I’ll trade you for it.”

“You’ll.” Now it’s his turn to blink. “Trade me?”

“Yeah. I have information that’s valuable to you, apparently, so you give me something that’s valuable to me in exchange.”

Steve scratches the back of his neck, trying to think. “I could… give you dating advice?”

Robin snorts. “Absolutely not.”

Flustered, he throws up his hands. “Well what do you want, then?”

She’s full on grinning at him now, and while it’s not necessarily malicious (which he appreciates) it’s still at his expense (which he does not). “Uh-uh, you’ve got to put your thinking cap on and come up with something on your own, Mr. Hair. It’s more genuine that way.”

“What? Nooo,” Steve groans, but he supposes he’s grateful that she didn’t whip out the ol’ it builds character that his dad threw at him when ordering him to get a menial summer job. “And I don’t have a thinking cap.”

That makes her actually laugh. “Well duh, who’s dorky enough to own an actual thinking cap?”

Dustin does, Steve thinks fondly. The little squirt is only off at camp for another week, and he really has missed the little shithead. It’ll be nice to get along with his coworker and have a friend around… as pathetic as that does make him feel.

But whatever, first he has to figure out what Robin might want in exchange for what could very likely turn out to be his Secret Admirer’s identity.

Every time Eddie has seen Steve since that Tuesday at Scoops, he’s with his coworker Robin. Apparently he’s started giving her rides so she doesn’t have to bike everywhere all the time. They talk animatedly, like little kids racing from thought to thought as they gleefully mock and annoy each other.

And it’s probably his fault somehow. Maybe knowing that Steve was actually suffering instead of suffering his own consequences had softened her up, allowed her to pause and notice the soft and genuine person underneath what remained of the King Steve veneer. Maybe it’s impossible not to fall in love with Steve Harrington.

Whatever it was, the results make Eddie yearn to swap lives with some girl he doesn’t even know. Someone who gets to touch Steve on the arm without reproach—even if it’s more of a punch than a touch, jeez. The only relief he gets from the green monster of jealousy twisting around his heart is Steve’s letter asking him to call, so even if Robin is interested now then it seems she’s out of luck.

Call. And not even talk, but just listen to Steve’s voice and maybe play selections from a few of his favorite albums, then spend his next letter talking about why they’re his favorites. This perfect man has managed to pluck three of his favorite things to do out of thin air and present the offer as a favor to Steve rather than, uh, only the closest Eddie has ever been to going on an actual date in his entire life.

… If only he felt in any way prepared.

Tag list: @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls

@matchingbatbites @ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor

@whalesharksart @thetinymm @envyadams-vs-me @practicallybegging @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme

@dauntlessdiva @nerdyglassescheeseychick @fuzzyduxk @chaosgremlinmunson @greatwerewolfbeliever

#steddieweek2024 #scoops words #secret admirer steddie #steddie #steve harrington #robin buckley #the start of platonic stobin #eddie munson

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thecapricunt1616 · 2 months

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Hello everyone! I am truly sorry for not posting as of late. I’ve been dealing with mental health stuff, also my laptop got broken :( So it hasn’t been as easy to write. I do have my iPad/wireless keyboard, but it just isn’t as comfortable to write on / I worry that the format will look like shit. I do feel poorly though because all of my moots have been writing a lot lately, and my blog has been so dry! I am really trying to get my mental health in check so obtaining a job will be easier and in turn, my work will probably be (somewhat) better. I hope this suffices, though, for the time being. I promise I’m trying to get a new laptop just as soon as I can <3 I appreciate all of your patience with me :) I have never written for our darling prince Lip Gallagher before- but he has been making me fairly crazy lately, so I wanted to give my go at writing for him, I haven’t watched the college Lip ep’s in a while so I hope it’s alright - sorry if it’s not fully canon! Tell me how I did if you’d like! xoxo - Capri <3 :)

(Warnings - smut choking (consensual) unprotected PIV sex, not very edited or proof read bc im tired ❤️❤️❤️)

”Hump my fuckin leg one more time, I swear to god. If you don’t just sit in my fuckin’ lap, and behave y’not gonna like me. I told you, I have 3 more fuckin’ papers to grade- like a cat in fuckin’ heat” he grumbled, not looking up from the homework assignment he’d been grading for the professor he’d been working under.

You pouted, squeezing his thigh that you had been straddling and working your way up to fully dragging your swollen, needy cunt across his worn out denim beneath your flower printed panties. A frustrated huff leaved your lips, before connecting them with the warm, tobacco scented skin of his neck and planting a gentle kiss. “Wanna feel good, Lip. Y’bein mean” you said, voice quiet and laced with the neediness he couldn’t quite ignore, or deny.

“Jesus fucking Christ. Fine, Need a smoke anyway. But you want it so bad, you can fuckin’ get y’self off” he walked over to the dorm window, pushing it open to let out the smoke out and put a cigarette to his lips, lighting it and plopping down on the bed, popping the button of his jeans. You were sat there dumbly, jaw dropped at the fact that he didn’t put up more of a fight. ”You have until the end of this fuckin smoke. You gonna come do somethin’ er sit there lookin’ like a goddamn trout?” He teased.

You quickly got up, pushing him to lay down and tugging his cock just enough out of his jeans and boxers, spitting in your hand before beginning to stroke him quickly, thumbing over his sensitive tip and he grunted softly, smoke plooming out of his nose as he plucked the cigarette from between his lips. “see that fuckin wet stain you left on my jeans? Such a needy whore f’me yeah?” He mused, watching as you pumped him faster, mouth dropping slightly as he hardened in the pressure of your palm until he was throbbing.

”Only yours -“ your jaw falls slack as you ran the tip of his cock through your wet folds, gathering your arousal and using his tip to rub over your clit. His eyes nearly rolled back, putting the cigarette between his lips and taking another large drag. He looked down as you rutted your hips back and forth over his thick now throbbing length.

“Only half a cig left, kitten. You gonna get y’self off with it er’ just fuck around, ‘eh?” He asked impatiently. You rolled your eyes sassily, aligning him with your entrance and sitting back, a whimper leaving your throat since you hadn’t the time to get yourself fully ready for him and the stretch he provided was never anything you could adjust to no matter how many times you took it.

A small grunt left his throat, hips rutting up into you subconsciously a gasp left your throat as he shifted his hips forward, rutting into that most sensitive and spongey spot inside of you that made white stars form behind your lids and your thighs shake. You whine as your head fell back, hips trembling as you lifted yourself up and down over his cock. “Jesus- so fucking big….” You manage to get out, bringing a trembling hand down to play with your puffy, throbbing clit.

”Finally feel good? Hm? Little fuckin’ brat. Shoulda fucked your face instead mm? Bet you’d love that shit” he reached over and put out his mostly gone cigarette on the ash tray and you began furiously rolling your hips, worried he was gonna pull you off and tell you that it was time for him too get back to work.

”Yes- yes daddy, such a brat- your brat. Please- please let me finish- feel so good- please” you rambled, voice needy and begging. He huffed a nearly mocking chuckle, grabbing you by the throat and pushing you down onto the mattress. It wasn’t painful, it just cut off your blood flow just right to where there was this sweet, fuzzy feeling in your head, causing your vision to go slightly hazy around the edges.

“I’ve created a fuckin monster - huh? Addicted t’my cock now. Can’t even go 12 hours without gettin’ filled up.” He was practically speaking into your sweaty, flushed skin of your temple, His voice a gruff row grumble. He used his other hand to rut up your tshirt, palming your tit roughly and rolling your nipple between his fingers. You squeaked out, hips jerking at the motion which urged him deeper and made your eyes roll at the overstimulation.

”shit - like that, huh? You like that? When I pound you this fuckin’ deep?” He snapped his hips faster, short, sweet little ah-ah-ah squeaks being torn from your throat with each nearly punishing thrust. You nod quickly, looking up at him in awe stricken lust as you clench around him.

“Ohh are you gonna cum? Is my little fuckin brat gonna cum? Mmm? You gonna cum around my cock?” He taunts in the shell of your ear, the hand that was playing with your nipple sliding down to play with your clit as the other stated wrapped firmly around your throat. Your hips jerk, feet planting on the bed as your back arches while your body tries to escape the oncoming tidal wave of pleasure that was threatening to take over.

“Mmhmm. Y’gonna cum- feel you fuckin’ milking my cock- go ahead baby - let go” he goads as he stroked your twitching bud faster. You let out something akin to a sob, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and breath hitching as your vision blurs out momentarily, body going slack other then your trembling thighs, and nails that were slapping and clawing at Lips back as he drives you through it, his thrusts becoming sloppier and harder at the feeling of you pulsating around him like a second heartbeat and your creamy white arousal seeping around him and covering his cock with each thrust.

“That’s fuckin it- that’s it kitten” he groaned, spreading out your pussy with a slack jaw, watching as his cock punched in and out of you, rutting against your g spot each and every time - in turn causing pathetic pleas for you weren’t sure what coming from your throat.

“Please what, baby- want me to fill you up? Hm? Need my cum drippin outta’ you after I fuck you to sleep here so I can finish my fuckin work in peace?” He coos mockingly, tugging you by your hair forcing you to look at him.

You sniffled, tears seeping from the corners of your eyes pathetically and drool dribbling down your chin from how he was fucking you so good your tongue had nearly fallen out of your mouth like some kind of puppy - “s-sorry- jus’love your- your cock” you hiccuped an over stimulated sob as he used his thumb abuse the nub further which in turn caused another strangled moan to leave your throat and head to fall back to the pillow.

“Awww I know Angel. You take it so well- like a good little toy” he mumbled into your skin, his words causing you to clench and dribble around him slightly, the raspiness of his voice mixed with the praise doing something to you you couldn’t quite explain.

“So good- so good daddy m’so good” you cry out as he fills you up, cock twitching and pulsing between your walls in the most delicious way. You gasped in delight, wrapping your legs tight around his hips and tugging your pelvis’ taut and comfortably, enjoying the feeling of being filled up to the hilt.

“Got shit t’do as much as I wanna live in your cunt, baby. Gotta get back at it” he kissed your forehead, grabbing a T shirt from his laundry pile and tossing it to you to clean yourself up as he fixed his jeans and went to sit back at his desk, leaving you well satiated

All be it a little sore and wanting post sex snuggles,

You win some, you lose some.

#lip gallagher #lip gallagher smut #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher x you #lip Gallagher fanfic

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peterparkersnose · 1 year

Text

Three Years

pairing: Javi Pena x reader

word count: 1.7k

warnings: anxiety, reader has a child, angst if you squint, re connection of the two characters, reader has a liking of photography, out of character javi but who cares (i crave this man domestically)

a/n babies! the pedro wave recently has me worried. i dont want them to make him into eddie munson/joe quinn bc i cannot loose pedro (ive been a fan since march ‘22) and i will be heartbroken if it becomes embarrassing to stan this wonderful man. tell me he doesnt look good in that gif god damn. any narcos inaccuracies I apologize I havent watched it since the summer

summary Javi reconnects with his former fling (the ambassador’s daughter) and finds out a secret

masterlist

join the tag list

read time: 6 mins 15 seconds

His palms were sweating. Maybe it was the Texas heat, or maybe for once in his life Javier Peña was actually nervous.

He sat parked on the busy street of San Antonio trying to muster up the courage to knock on your door.

2213 Ace Street, San Antonio, Texas. Y/N.

The crumpled up post it note Steve had hastily written your address down on. It was his final goodbye gift to Javi, handed over to him secretly through a handshake.

Javi figured he pulled it from a classified document. You were the ambassador to Colombia’s daughter anyways, it’s not like your address would just be laying around in the Colombian embassy.

He felt a bit out of place in the expensive neighborhood. Everyone around seemed to glare at him in his tight jeans. Maybe it was all in his head, he wasn’t sure. Anxiety seemed to overshadow his unbeatable confidence that day. He stared at the house numbers trying to figure out which one was yours.

2205, 2208… 2211

2213

Your townhome was nice. Natural brick house, a bit large for just yourself.

After all these years, you have had to move on. Three years with no contact. There was no way you were still single. And the size of this house was just living proof that you had moved on.

Three years. Javi stood with his hands on his hips, glaring down the avenue at the setting sun. When the secret relationship was exposed, it had all been swept under the rug. The facade of close friends the two of you had been putting on was figured out by your father. One of Javi’s biggest regrets was letting you leave and go back to the states. He didn’t want to admit it then, but he knew.

He was in love.

Three years. Javi couldn’t believe it.

He swallowed sharply. Three years, he had to at least see you. Be in your presence one more time, even if it was just to say a proper goodbye. The crumpled up post it returned to his pocket as he made his way up your steps.

The doorbell was an antique painted white; typical for these upscale neighborhoods. He rung it, and prayed you weren’t home.

His stomach dropped when he heard your sweet voice.

“Coming!”

The door whistfully opened. Your hair was tied back and you had an apron on over your outfit. Flour was smeared over the apron along with other various baking ingredients Javi couldn’t name.

Your expression fell from ‘I think my package I ordered is here’ to a face Javi couldn’t even explain. Confusion mixed with such an unannounced wave of hurt.

Silence and stares became the moment as your soft radio in the background ended its song and switched to a commercial.

“Hi,” Is all that he could manage to say. He let out a breathe of air he had felt like he had been holding for years.

“H-hi.” you stuttered, giving him one more glance to make sure this was real.

“What are you doing he-” you began to say, but you were interrupted.

“Mommy!” said your son, trotting in from the kitchen to find the two of you standing there. Your back stiffened as you took in a sharp breath. “The cakes, there big! Too big.” the child exclaimed, waving his hands in the air to tell the story.

“Shit, Grant!” you scolded your son, scooping the boy up in your arms and whisking him back to the kitchen.

“One second, Javier!” you called from the kitchen. His stomach seemed to turn at the use of his name. His full name.

He stood dumbfounded at your door. So you had moved on.

Javi slowly entered your house. Pictures hung on your wall; he recognized one from a date he took you on. He hated hiking, but the beautiful sights were just too good to miss in Colombia. He could see the corner of the picnic blanket in the photo, remembering the nice time together. Pictures of the boy were hung, of course. Baby photos and photos looking like they were taken yesterday of Grant were in various frames around the house.

His heart stopped when he saw the one picture sitting on your fireplace. An easy one to miss, but he spotted it.

You, himself, Steve, and Connie all smiling at the bar you used to frequent. Wouldn’t your spouse be mad about those pictures being on display?

“I see you let yourself in,” you said, entering the room once again. “I can go, I’m sorry but… you still have these?” he asked. Your eyes widened as he mentioned leaving.

“Your welcome to stay, please, have a seat if you’d like.” you offered, taking off your apron and hanging it on a hook. Javi could sense your shock. “Wouldn’t your husband be upset? I mean with our history…”

“No husband.” you said with a tight lipped smile. “Just me and Grant.”

“Your son?” Javier asked, looking down the hallway leading to your kitchen. There he saw the boy peeking out behind the wall. Once they made eye contact, he gasped and retreated the kitchen.

“How did you find me?” you asked, ignoring the question. “I… had help?” he said, trying not to throw Steve under the bus. He took the post it note out of his pocket and handed it to you. “Steve’s handwriting,” you chuckled to yourself. His distinct chicken scratch was hard to not recognize.

“I saw that you finally got that bastard,” you scoffed. “I was so relieved when I saw Escobar was killed on the news. It was strange, though. Seeing you and Steve through a screen.”

“Yeah,” Javi awkwardly laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Would you like to meet him?” you asked, biting the bullet. “Escobar?” Javi asked, furrowing his brow in confusion. “No,” you chuckled, turning around to see your snooping son again.

“C’mere,” you said sweetly, giving into the child’s interest in this stranger.

Grant came running and hit your form so hard you almost fell forwards on your knees. “Careful baby,” you chuckled, caressing his dark brown hair as he hid behind your legs.

“This is Javier,” you introduced your son to the mysterious man.

“From stories?” Grant asked, peeking out behind your legs. “Yes, baby. Like from the stories.”

Javier’s heart seemed to drop. This kid has heard stories about him before? No father around, no husband? Tell me why this kid was starting to look more and more like his mother.

He didn’t want to admit the very possible truth to himself.

“He got the bad guy?” Grant asked, now holding on to your hand. He was still very obviously weary about Javier. “Mhm,” you said, crouching down next to Grant. “Remember the TV a few weeks ago? When they caught the bad guy?” you asked your son. He looked at Javi intensively.

Your eyes met Javi’s and you felt the guilt consume you. You had to do it; even if the pit in your stomach was about to erupt out in vomit. You had to.

“He’s yours.”

“No,” Javi immediately responded. He didn’t mean to give such a negative response, he was just stuck in a haze in this new reality.

He was a father.

“Your kidding?” he asked, a hand coming to his forehead and sliding down his face. “Your the only guy I slept with in Colombia.”

“What’s his name? Full name,” he asked. “Grant Javier Peña.”

Grant looked up to his mother when she said his name. “He turned two in April,”

A silent tear rolled down Javier’s face as a hand moved to his mouth. It was early January. He had about a two and a half year old son. The little boy that had now moved to playing with action figures on the floor in front of him was his; his own flesh and blood. Half of him, half of you.

“And your father?” he anxiously asked, rubbing his hands together. “He wasn’t pleased. Doesn’t visit much anymore anyways,” you scoffed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said, trying to keep his tone steady. “I wasn’t allowed. I promise, I begged my father through my whole pregnancy. I tried letters, ways to get to Steve or Connie. Nothing. I had given up hope after his first birthday.”

“And you did this all alone?” he asked you, standing up to embrace you. His hands took yours as you shook your head yes. You bit your lip, trying your best not to cry. You wrapped your arms around his chest and felt his heartbeat. It was beating fast.

“I’m so sorry, mi amor.” he whispered in your ear. “What can I do?”

“Whatever you need to,” you said, breaking the hug. “I know it isn’t easy. It’s a hard decision. I’ve been doing it alone now for almost three years. If you don’t want to be involved, Javi, I completely understand.”

“No, no.” he said. “I… if you’ll have me, I’ll stay.”

“Javi-”

“No questions. My decision, I’m here for you two. Emotionally, financially, whatever you need from me.” “That’s asking too much, just maybe give it some time to think about-”

“I’ve been thinking about you every day for three years, Y/N. I am absolutely sure about my decision.”

“Mama,” Grant asked, turning around to look at the two of you standing above him. “Play?”

Grant approached Javi cautiously, holding a G.I. Joe figurine in his hand. He offered the toy to his father. “Play?” he asked once again. Javier looked to you; you shook your head in approval.

The sight of your son and his father playing together was enough to make you happy for a lifetime.

Javier was cautious. His experience with children was basically non existent. “Who is he?” he asked in his softest voice he could think of. “Joe! This Jack, Jasmine, Kevin, Gumball and…”

Javi listened as his son named off all of his action figures along with some stuffed animals strewn across the room.

You slowly crept to your bedroom where you kept your camera hidden away. Adjusting the settings, you hid behind the couch to get a perfect angle of this moment you never wanted to forget.

Snap!

Both of the boys turned around to see you standing behind the couch. “No picture!” Grant complained, stomping his tiny fist on the ground. A smile spread to Javi’s lips as he saw his son squirm.

“I’m sorry baby. Keep playing.” you said, placing the camera on a desk in the living room.

“Mommy take pictures a lot.” Grant sighed, picking up another action figure and kept on playing.

This was definitely going on your wall.

all posts @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @mandoloriancookie @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25 @nyotamalfoy @milly-louise

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igotanidea · 11 months

Text

Blocked: Dick Grayson x game streamer!reader

He's so clueless and concerned in this photo it just fits the whole plotline :D

***

„DAMMIT!” her sudden yelling coming from the game room got him on his feet, running inside immediately, in search for any possible threat to her life or health.

„What is going-?” Dick stopped in the middle of the sentence, his gaze focusing on her perked up ass in those devilishly tight jeans. The view he couldn’t stop himself from indulging in for a moment, even if it was as nice as it was confusing. „Babe, what are you-?”

„Damn the stupid Internet connection!” she yelled, flexing and twisting around her gaming computer, playing with some cables and plugs, desperately trying to fix whatever was broken and failing spectacularly. „I was supposed to post a new stream today! I was supposed to do a live! Screw that! Dammit! Why is it always happening to me!?”

„Y/N. Love--”

„Agh!” she groaned in frustration and just to make sure he was not going to be hit with something she might throw his way, Dick took a step back raising hands in surrender

„Princess why don;t you calm down for a moment and --”

„Calm down?!” she snapped ,twisting head his direction, fury in her eyes, blush of anger on her cheeks „How am I supposed to calm down. Redlotus95 is hot on my heels!”

„Red Lotus....?”

„I can’t drop on second place Dick. I’m serious! I’m not giving this little piece of shit the satisfaction of stealing my fans!”

„I think you take it a little bit too far, baby. It was supposed to be fun and relax, remember. What happened to taking things casually? Why the bloodlust?”

„Screw having fun. I am quite literally at war now Dick!”

„when did you became so competitive?”he frowned at her, taking a step forward and peeling the cobweb from her face. Clearly her head office needed cleaning.

„Since I was called a petty girl doing a in a men field!” she cried out, becoming exasperated in a second.

‘I’m sorry, what?” Dick blinked once, shocked by her words. Who in their sound mind, would ever dare to call his beautiful, wonderful and killer girlfriend such words. „gimme a name, Y/n.” he hissed, clenching his fist.

„Dick.”

„A name, love.”

„Can I please see Dick Grayson again?” she rubbed her forehead, the sudden change in his demeanor, his I-will-avenge-her-name eyes included, giving her extremely clear sign of which part of him, she was currently speaking to.

„What do you --? Oh, oh, okay, i get it. But babe, I don’t need to be Nightwing to punch whoever call you that name. I can still do it in my civilian version. I mean, have you seen my muscles?” he grinned, flexing his biceps. „Hands down I can beat anyone.”

„As sweet and chivalry as that is, I don’t need you defending my honour or whatever” she rolled her eyes, equally amused and annoyed. „I can do it myself but I freaking need a stable internet connection and new hardware! I can;t possibly work with this shit!” she had to gather all the strength she had to not kick the device.

„Y/N....” Dick grinned at her, showing literally all of his teeth.

„What--?!”

***

Computer store.

That was the what.

And damn, let’s just say that were advantages to dating a billionaire’s son, cause she definitely didn’t have to cut on the expenditure.

***

„How does that even work!?”

„Could you be quiet for a moment!”

„ But I don’t know how to use that! What do I do?! Y/N!! What do I do!?”

„You just sit here quietly and look pretty!”

„Oh, that I can do--”

„God!” she groaned, even though deep, deep down inside she was laughing at his beginner attitude. „Hey everyone” she turned to speak to her followers active online waiting for her live stream. Sorry for the little shouting and screaming. That’s what you get when your charming boyfriend try to get involve in your hobby” she chuckled a little.

The comments started appearing a moment after she explained the little commotion and Dick almost jumped on his chair, rushing to read them all.

„Oh, look Y/N! They say hi to me!”

„Mhm.. sure they do.”

„They can hear me now, right? I can tell them hi too?”

„you know I’m starting to question if you were really raised by Bruce Wayne, the CEO of the most advanced technology company in the country...’

„Hey that’s mean!” Dick huffed, his eyes still scanning the comments carefully, almost as if he was watching a villain during his patrol. „but I guess your followers think it’s cute. Oh!” he gasped and smiled wickedly upon noticing one particular message. „Been-there-done-that is asking if you can post a picture of me. Sure she can, I’ll be more than happy to show you my face and --”

She cleared her throat in a very suggestive manner.

„Sorry...” he send her that flashing smile again and turned back to computer as if keeping his eyes on the screen made the attenders hear him better. „Ok guys, listen up, before we start the -- um--?”

„Streaming session.” she gave him a prompt.

„Yeah, right, streaming session, I got one important message for you all--”

„Oh, no, Richard, don’t--!”

„Fuck you RedLotus95 for talking shit about my girlfriend!”

Youtube blocked her for two weeks.

She blocked Dick for ever attending her live sessions forever.

#dick grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #dick grayson x you #nightwing x you #dick grayson x y/n #nightwing x y/n #dick grayson fluff #nightwing fluff

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stevesjockstrap · 4 months

Text

I Hear the Morning Calling

For Monsterfucker May better late than never

Heavily inspired by @safk-art demo!Steve art 😍

Steve/Eddie | read on ao3 | rated E | post-Vecna, demogorgon Steve, monsterfucking, blood and gore

“We’re losing. She’s not able to do it. We have to do something,” Nancy hissed next to him. Vecna had been shaking violently from his viney suspension but now he was eerily still. El’s plan seemed to be falling apart at the seams.

Steve looked around for anything he could do to save his friends. They’d already used all of the Molotov cocktails and Nancy’s shotgun shells.

Vecna’s eyes popped open and stared directly at him for a long heart stopping second before they widened and closed off again. They were running out of time.

He looked desperately around at Robin who was clutching at her bag. He would never let anything happen to them. Then he heard Dustin screaming over the walkie. Everything was going to shit.

A burning hatred ran through him, sizzling through the exhaustion and lightheadedness he’d been pushing down since being attacked by the demobats. Before he realized he’d moved, he was sprinting towards the hideous hanging figure with a roar. Ignoring the girls’ cries from behind him, he leaped higher than he’d ever done during a basketball game, catching a vine in his hand before his open mouth closed over Henry Creel’s throat.

The hot thick blood shot down his throat, gagging and choking him but he held on. Taking multiple swallows of the bitter sludge automatically, he forced his jaw harder into the spasming muscle. Spindly fingers scratched across his back and legs, trying ineffectually to tear him off. The spurting of blood into his mouth slowed and he allowed himself to suck in a breath, yanking the vine in his hand.

Coming back to himself on the floor, he didn’t think he had been out very long. He could hear Dustin again on the walkie, Robin trying to get him to slow down to try to understand his loud rapid cries.

“They! Are! Coming!” Dustin’s staticky voice echoed through the empty room.

“Who?” Steve rasped. But then he felt it. In the back of his mind, a scurrying almost slippery feeling that was getting stronger. “The bats. They’re coming for us.”

“What? Steve, what the hell is going on?” Nancy’s no nonsense tone made him try to rethink what he had said.

“I don’t know. But we gotta get out of here.”

Scrambling to sit, he was pushed back down to the ground by Nancy and then Robin.

“Settle down. If the bats are really coming, we’re better off inside.” Robin made sense, but something was telling him they needed out of this house. Out of this room.

He looked around, and saw Vecna’s body. It was essentially ripped to shreds, his head barely connected to his neck and several bones poking out in cruel angles.

“Um, yeah, there’s that question, too. But I think I’m just going to erase that from my memory,” Robin winced.

Getting out of the upside down after that was a blur. The bats circled them, screaming wildly and zooming over their heads as they ran towards the trailer park, but none of them touched the group.

Eddie was a mess. Nearly grey, almost as torn to shreds as Vecna. But Steve was able to feel a very slow pulse, so he quickly slung him over his shoulder and they somehow got everyone hoisted into the correct dimension.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

Steve’s head popped up from where it had slumped into his chest. He’d not left Eddie’s bedside once he’d been released from his own hospital bed more than a week ago. Nancy was propped against the doorway with a wry grin.

“Talk about what?” But Steve couldn’t meet her eyes.

Nancy hummed and pulled a chair over next to him.

“You can’t hide it from me, Steve. I’ve been on the receiving end of your overbearing self.”

Steve groaned, looking immediately at Eddie’s face. But just like every other day he’d spent looking at him, his eyes remained closed.

“I’m not sure I have words. Even to myself. Yet. But you’ll be one of the first ones to know, I promise,” he huffed.

“After Robin,” Nancy nodded.

Steve laughed. “Yeah, I mean, probably. And, uh, hopefully someone else is ahead of both of you in line.” He rubbed at his face, then raked a hand through his disgusting hair with a grimace.

“Go home, Steve. I’ll stay. I know your number. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of the rest of us.”

After he showered, he flopped across his bed in just his towel and was asleep before he had another thought.

He stood above Eddie, the taste of blood in his mouth again. The bitter thick sludge that had come from Vecna. When he’d killed Vecna.

Eddie was wailing below him, fighting against him. He leaned down, catching his flailing hands with his own and felt his face split into sections, opening impossibly wide as he bit hard into Eddie’s neck.

He woke up sweating in his bed, tangled in his sheets. He ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror, feeling over his perfectly human face.

“What the fuck,” he breathed.

A quick call to the hospital confirmed that Eddie was fine. He chugged a glass of water, pacing unseeingly around his kitchen, still rubbing across his face.

For the next week, he would get these quick bursts of pain in his head, and pressure like a migraine but none of his normal tricks helped. He didn’t have a fever, actually his temperature seemed to be going down.

Finally he just pulled the curtains in his room, covered his head with a pillow because still the dimmed light felt like ice picks and went to sleep.

The shrill constant noise woke him, and at first he couldn’t place it at all, pressing his pillow over his ears more forcefully, sitting up with a curse as it echoed through his house.

“What??” He groused out into the phone.

Thankfully not reacting at all to his grumpiness, Dustin cried out, “Steve! It’s Eddie. He woke up!”

The nurses were insistent they go into Eddie’s room in small groups, shaking their heads and rolling their eyes at the huge congregation of people who were adamant about seeing their friend.

Steve, Robin and Nancy stood surrounding his tiny frame in the hospital bed, somehow this sleep looking more peaceful than the last. Steve shifted on his feet, trying to ignore the pounding in his head and the nauseousness from the hospital smell.

“Eddie?” Nancy whispered, unable to help it.

Their friend twitched, his eyes flicking open quickly before closing again. “Why’s it so bright?”

Steve chuckled, thinking the exact same thing, and went to turn the lights off in the room.

“Thanks,” Eddie grumbled. The lack of use showed in his voice. Robin held out a cup with a straw and helped him take a few deep gulps. “Fuck, can you give me the Reader’s Digest version? Did I get hit by a train? A UFO? Did I eat the mystery meat in the cafeteria?”

They all snickered, Nancy sobering first. “You don’t remember at all? What’s the last thing you can think of?”

Eddie frowned, looking down. After a few moments of thinking hard, he looked up, shocked. “Chrissy, oh god. Chrissy is… and then Patrick in the lake. Fucking hell. Okay, I’m getting pieces now. The bats- is Dustin?”

Steve interjected quickly, unable to take the look on his face, “Dustin’s fine. You saved him.”

Eddie nodded, pulling in deep breaths. Steve reached out, taking his hand and breathed his own small breath of relief when Eddie held onto it.

“Everyone else?” Eddie grimaced.

“Banged up, stitched up, but alive and well. Well, uh, except for Jason.”

“No loss there,” Robin and Eddie said at the same time, grinning sardonically at each other afterwards.

The nurse came in the room and explained the teens were not waiting very patiently in the waiting room, and they agreed to swap out.

“Going straight to hand holding, huh? King Steve and his kindergarten moves,” Robin elbowed him.

Even more weeks later, Eddie was finally released from the hospital and Steve helped him up the steps to their new and improved government issued trailer. They’d offered them a house but both Eddie and Wayne had quickly declined. They were used to the trailer and the trailer park, but they could use another bedroom.

“Home sweet trailer,” Eddie laughed as he bounced on his new bed. Steve winced, worrying about his stitches still. “Don’t give me that look, mother hen. I’m fine.”

Steve sighed and waved him off, plopping his meager bag of stuff down on top of the dresser.

“Hungry?”

Eddie grinned at him. “Always.”

“Come in Eddie, helloooo? EDDIE COME IN, over.” Dustin’s loud voice echoed around his nearly empty room. Groaning, he sat on the edge of his bed for a second while the stars cleared from his vision.

“I’m here, Dustin,” he sighed.

“You’re supposed to say over. Over.”

Rolling his eyes, he laid back down with the walkie. “I’m over this conversation, Dustin. What was the voluminous emergency?”

“OH! Have you seen Steve? No one’s been able to get a hold of him for more than a week, and we just got to his house and it’s… weird. Even for us. Over.”

Eddie frowned. He actually hadn’t seen Steve in a while, which was not like him. After Eddie had been discharged from the hospital, Steve seemed to take over his watch, volunteering to get him back and forth to all of his appointments and therapies. Standing now, nerves quickening and his stomach tightening, he looked down at the walkie.

“Weird how? Over.” Ah shit, the kid had gotten to him.

“He’s built like a creepy nest, with leaves and sticks, but, uh-“

The silence hung heavy in the dark of his room, and Eddie shivered. He pulled back his curtains to peer out the window, suddenly feeling like he was being watched.

“Spit it out, Dustin,” he grumbled.

“Alright, but you asked. There’s a lot of your stuff in the mess… like a few of your shirts a-and the vest you gave him? It’s like he’s been sleeping with them. Over.”

As his eyebrows shot up at this news, something moved in the shadows outside the window. There was a flash of reflective eyes, too far off the ground to be the stray cat that he fed. Human’s eyes don’t reflect.

“O-okay Dustin, thanks for the nightmare fuel. Get home, it’s already almost dark. I’ll let you know if I hear from him. Over and out.”

He nearly dropped the walkie when the shadow moved again, closer to his window and he got a flash of jeans and brown hair. Thinking quickly but somehow not at all, he shoved the walkie into his back pocket and rushed out the front door.

Not allowing himself to call out to him, clearly he didn’t want to be found if he hadn’t spoken to anyone in a week, he tried to sneak as quietly as possible around the side of the trailer.

A noise a few feet away had him pausing, opening his eyes wider to try to see in the darkness towards the woods. It was eerily quiet, usually the trailer park was full of noise, even at night, car doors and people laughing and chatting, dogs and birds going on and on. All Eddie could hear now was his own heart beating in his ears.

His eyes jumped to follow the next quick movement, just inside the edge of the woods. Another flash of that perfect hair. Like Steve was beckoning him to follow. And Eddie was dumb enough to be lead.

Inside the tree line, Eddie couldn’t see much. But he could follow the small noises and what was surely intentionally snapped twigs under Steve’s feet.

Panting, he stopped to lean against a tree, “Fuck, where are we going, man?” He was getting irritated. Steve would know that he’d graduated from PT but he still couldn’t be walking miles through the woods.

There was a small huff that sounded close, almost sarcastic. Very like Steve. Then a cold hand was pushing his hair away from his face, resting on his sweaty forehead.

A stream of moonlight or a stray streetlight fell across the face in front of him, and he almost screamed. Steve’s eyes piercing into his own and that attractive mess of hair on his head compensated well for the rest of it, the petaled mouth and rows of teeth that appeared as he was apparently breathing in Eddie’s scent.

“Steve? Wh-what happened?” Eddie was proud of himself for not bolting away, seeming frozen to the spot at Steve continued breathing him in, the clawed hands running through his hair and grasping his hip.

One shoulder was raised and lowered, like the world’s most apathetic shrug. As if his newly transformed self wasn’t even worth discussing. But the way Steve was looking at him and touching him was sending warm buzzing down his spine, tightening his belly. And his own jeans.

Steve seemed to figure this out quickly as well. Could he smell it? Eddie groaned and then gasped when his giant wet mouth descended onto his neck, grazing those dangerously wicked teeth down his skin.

“Oh fuck,” he breathed. “Why is that so hot? I should be like running for my life. Ah!” His hips bucked forward as sharp claws ran down his chest, instantly shredding his already hole filled shirt. He could only pant and throw his head back against the tree as the assault continued down his front, then as he felt the cold hands approach his jeans he gasped out, “Hey, okay, let me do that, huh? My favorite jeans, you know.”

The salacious look he received in response could only be from one Steve Harrington. He almost laughed but instead moaned as the gaze went down to follow his hands, the shaking hands fighting against the button and zipper of his jeans. Maybe he should have let him rip them to shreds.

An inhuman growl left Steve when the jeans and his plaid boxers were kicked off his bare feet. Unable to help himself, Eddie wrapped a hand around his dripping cock as he watched the terrifying mouth open, saliva running off the petals and rows of teeth.

“God I am a freak, after all,” Eddie chuckled. “I’d apparently feed my dick to a wood chipper if it was attached to Steve Harrington.”

A vaguely appreciative noise rumbled out of the mouth in question, and Eddie couldn’t believe this was real as the monster in front of him lowered slowly to his knees, looking up under his still gorgeous eyelashes to peer at his hard length.

“If you kill me, can you make sure no one finds my body? I don’t want Uncle Wayne thinking I got myself into even weirder shit than usual.”

His train of thought quickly evaporated as a rough tongue came to slide up the underside of his cock. Trying his best to hold completely still, wary of all the teeth, he just watched as Steve wriggled closer.

“Don’t judge me if I come or pass out instantly please. I, um, I’m not the most experienced. And this is, well, this is a whole lot to take in.” He knew he was rambling, filling the uncomfortable silence between them and the woods.

The eyes staring up at him seemed unbearably patient and forgiving, however.

“How much of you is in there,” he wondered aloud.

Steve blinked at him and what could’ve been a smirk passed over his features before his cock was enveloped by the petaled mouth. His own mouth flew open, ready to scream at the pain he expected. But he only gasped as he realized the teeth were only just grazing him, creating an almost pleasant scratching tingly feeling, and the tongue was able to keep sliding under and around the head.

“Oh my god, Steve,” Eddie panted, unaware as his hands slid into the feathery locks. “Oh, oh sorry!” Yanking them away, he received the first actually scary noise and look.

The mouth left him and an indignant huff resounded from it. “Want it,” Steve growled.

Eddie nodded quickly, holding back the laugh at the petulant frown and statement. “You got it, Stevie. Just please keep going.”

With another small grumble, Steve waited for the shaking hands to return back to his hair before he allowed his mouth to wrap around his cock again.

He was glad the tree was there to hold him up, since it seemed Steve was going to give everything he had to this supernatural blowjob. Eddie didn’t direct him with his hands so much as just hold on for dear life, while moaning and gasping along.

“Please, gunna-“ Eddie almost screamed as the mouth was instantly pulled back.

“Not yet,” Steve rasped. “Turn around.”

Clawed hands assisted him pivoting to push his forearms against the rough tree, widening his stance to allow the wicked mouth behind him to — “Holy mother of Zeus!”

The rough tongue circled his hole as a wet hand wrapped around his cock, the other pulling at his thigh to encourage him to rut back and forth. He whimpered, unable to collect enough brain cells to form a sentence now.

“P- oh, please. Steve!” Everything stopped and a soft questioning noise came from behind him. “Can I come on your cock instead? Or, uh, next time? Sorry, didn’t mean to, uh-“

What could only be described as a giggle left the terrifying mouth behind him, and Eddie’s hand was pulled from the tree and licked.

“Yours.”

The hand was then pulled back towards his own hole and he tried to nod his understanding. He did not want the claws inside of him either, thank you.

“Jesus Criminy,” Eddie whispered as Steve used his own fingers to push into him, licking around the digits to encourage him to open up. The feeling of the rough clawed hands around his wrist as he fucked his own hand into himself was almost too much. Finally when he thought his brain was going to leak out of his ears, his hand was pulled back and released.

Then a blunt object was pushing against him and he saw stars. “Slow, oh my god, a little slower, baby.”

The name didn’t seem to phase him at all, but he got a soft noise and the cold hands held onto his hips as he pressed forward.

“Want it hard, but just- ah, once it’s in. God you’re big. Is that, like, a monster thing? Or just you?”

The cocky laugh he received didn’t exactly answer the question, but then he was pressing further in and he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He wrapped his own sweaty hand around his leaking cock, whining and crying out as Steve fucked him hard yet holding him so gently with his clawed hands. As he got closer to coming, he leaned his head back onto Steve’s shoulder. He came spectacularly just as he bit into his neck.

When he could breathe and see again, jumping into his jeans, he found the walkie still shoved into his pocket. With a simpering look at demo!Steve sitting naked against their well-used tree, he pushed down the button.

“Hey, uh, Henderson. I f-found Steve. But, well, he’s a lot different now. Over.”

Title from Waiting in the Garden - Noon Shift

#stmonstermay #demo!steve #demogorgon Steve Harrington #steddie #stranger things smut #mine #monsterfucking #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things fic

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dbnightingale24 · 5 months

Text

I'll Wait For Your Love

A StevexReaderxBucky Messy Triangle

Everyone thank my husband because he fixed the wifi! This is only a bit of the final installation of 'My Little Decoy'. You can read the full version here. I didn't finish this as quickly as I wanted to, but it still got done a lot faster than I thought it would (yay anxiety!).

Thank you @fuckingbye for always putting up with my shit, and always making me amazing moodboards because I'm lame as shit. I love you and I can't wait to tackle you with a hug <3.

As always, please heed the warnings and I hope you enjoy it! Here we go!

Word Count: 35,290 (it's called growth)

Warnings: SMUT!! (18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI), Slight Infidelity, Arguments, Drinking, Smoking, Angst, Swearing, Self Loathing, Fluff, Heartbreak, Lying (by omission), Daddy Kink, Uhh...I think that's it?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: You Cling To Your Papers and Pens, Wait Until You Like Me Again

Summary: When two major parts of your past come back and ask for another chance, do you stand your ground and stay with the life you've created for yourself, or do you decide to test the water after all this time and see if it's worth the leap of faith?

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to get posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

It’s weird. You had made peace with never seeing either man again, yet for the past hour, the three of you have been in your kitchen arguing. Bucky snaps at you, Steve defends you, you snap at Bucky, Steve gets you to calm down, Bucky snaps at him, and you threaten to kick him out. Honestly, for the most part, Steve is the mediator. You’re assuming that they have some level of friendship again, or he just doesn’t want to pile anymore guilt and pressure onto you.

It was clear to you that he hadn’t expected Bucky to follow him and, if he hadn’t been so focused on seeing you, he would’ve noticed Bucky’s car. Apparently, with Maria being pregnant, Steve assumed that Bucky hadn’t even noticed his erratic behavior.

He should’ve been right.

“James, I don’t know what you want me to say,” you sigh for what feels like the millionth time as you stir the white sauce on the stove. “I can only apologize so many times, but it’s not like you were in the dark. You saw the connection between Steve and I, and you decided to pursue me anyway. I didn’t start cheating until long after you had-”

“You being in love with Steve was already cheating!” he shouts at you, and you pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Are you ever capable of holding yourself accountable? Or is it only when you know you’re in danger of losing me? You never apologized for cheating and you still won’t fess up to it, you never actually apologized for your behavior when we found out I couldn’t get pregnant, and even now, you’re just throwing it in my face that I cheated on you after you cheated on me. Is that what you came all the way here for? To yell at me and make me feel small in my own home? Because, if it is, you can get the fuck out right now. I don’t need this shit from you, James. I didn’t need it then and I sure as shit don’t need it now,” you say firmly as you finally turn to face him.

You don’t miss the small smile that comes to Steve’s face, before he takes a sip from his beer bottle.

Bucky lets out a frustrated sigh before he ran a hand through his hair, “no, that’s not why I came out here.” “Then what did you come here for?”

“I wanted to see you,” he confesses softly.

You turn and open the oven to check on the salmon, “she’s pregnant, James. That’s what you wanted-” “I wanted it with you and you know that.”

“You cheated with her, James. You cheated with her because you knew it would hurt me the most, you fucked her at work, in our house, and went out with her after work very publicly to make me look like a fool. Then, you denied the whole thing to try and make me feel crazy, like I couldn’t see the lipstick stains on my pillow-”

“You hurt me!”

“Because I couldn’t have a fucking kid? You think that was a fun thing for me to find out?!”

“It wasn’t just the baby! You never loved me in the way that you love Steve, and I tried and tried-”

“Then why not just let me go?!”

“Cause I loved you. I love you.”

“Well, you got married to her a year after I left, and now she’s gonna have your child. Looks like you’re doing just fine.” “Don’t be fucking callous,” he scoffs.

“James, you followed Steve to my home to berate me, and you’re gonna sit there and tell me not to be callous? You went out of your way to have this argument, and for what? Because you couldn’t trap me into being in love with you? Go fuck yourself and die on that fucking cross you’re so desperate to hang yourself from!”

“Darlin’,” Steve snaps and Bucky rolls his eyes.

“I’m sorry, but fuck that. You want me to feel so bad for something I tried to ignore, and that’s not fair! What I did was wrong, but I tried. I defended you, I looked the other way, and never held anything over your head. You constantly went out of your way to hurt me, and I’m supposed to feel bad for finally following my heart? I’m supposed to feel bad because I wouldn’t let you trap me and make me hate myself anymore? Fuck that. I never played you for a fool, you did that shit to yourself, and I refuse to pay penance for it anymore,” you snap as you pour the bow ties into the boiling water. “God, where does your pregnant wife even think you are?”

“I just told her I needed to get out for a while.” “You’re such an asshole. I don’t even like the bitch and I think it’s a low blow. You leave your pregnant wife to tell your ex-wife that you still love her? What the fuck did you think was going to happen? What did you think I was gonna say? You thought I’d see the light and wanna take you back? You married her out of spite, James.”

“I do love her-”

“Well, clearly not enough,” you scoff, “this feels a lot like the pot calling the kettle black, because you love her, but you’re still pining over me? That’s fucking rich, I gotta say. You’re a real piece of work,” you chuckle dryly as you pour yourself another glass.

“I wanted to see you...make sure you’re okay. Nat and Meg won’t tell anyone anything, Meg won’t even talk to me-”

“Well, what the hell did you think was going to happen, James? I’ve been her best friend since we were six. Yeah, she’s not too fucking fond of you after everything that’s happened.”

“So what? You just hate me now?”

“I don’t hate you, you self centered asshole! I should, I have every fucking right to after the last year we spent together, and I wish I did, but I don’t! You’ve been attacking me! I’m sorry that you decided to pursue the one person your best friend was in love with, and I’m sorry that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t love you the way I’ve always loved Steve. I’m sorry that I cheated on you with Steve and it broke your heart even more. However, a lot of this shit could’ve been avoided if you would’ve just stayed away! I’m not your fucking scapegoat anymore, James. You’re finally getting what you want, and you’re still not happy-” “I don’t have you! I don’t have what I want-”

“You had me and then decided to treat me like an object! I can’t do anything about the fact that you treated me like total fucking trash, James! That’s on you, not me,” you state as the timer goes off.

As you turn off the stove top, Charlotte makes her way into the kitchen and sits patiently.

“You know better little miss,” you laugh softly, “go lay down.”

She huffs, but gets up and walks back to her bed nonetheless, and your heart flutters at Steve’s soft chuckle.

“So, that’s it?” Bucky huffs.

“I honestly don’t know what else you expect. I don’t know what more you want to know. Everything you’ve asked, I’ve been honest about, everything you deserve an apology for, I’ve apologized for...what else is there to say? What else is there to do?” you ask as his phone goes off.

Pulling it out (rather aggressively), he mutters, “what the fuck now?” before getting up and storming out, slamming the door shut behind him.

“If he breaks my house, I’ll break his neck,” you mutter, checking on the broccoli, before taking another sip from your glass.

“It’s Maria. She’s been on edge lately. She’s due in two months and she feels like Bucky’s attention is elsewhere.”

“I wonder why,” you scoff. “What about you? Are you gonna rake me over the coals too?”

“You know better than that, honey,” he sighs heavily. “We don’t have to-”

“You might as well, Steve. It’s why you’re here-”

“I’m here because I’ve missed you like crazy, and I wanted to see you. We’ve already gotten farther than I expected us too.”

“Why?”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d wanna see me or not.”

“I was never angry with you, Steve. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I still cry over it,” you scoff, rubbing your forehead.

“Then why-”

“I couldn’t do that to you, Steve. I loved you. I love you. Breaking up your friendship with Bucky? Stealing you from the Avengers-”

“I told you I’d go with you-”

“But you would’ve felt guilty. Yeah, you’d still love me, and you’d be happy to make a life with me anywhere, but you’d feel guilty. You and Bucky? I knew it could get resolved once I was out of the picture, and for the most part, I was right.”

“You didn’t give me a chance-”

“Because you wouldn’t have been logical about it, babe. Neither of us are ever exactly smart when it comes to each other,” you smile softly and he chuckles with a slight nod. “Please understand that it wasn’t something I did lightly, or that I didn’t think about how much it would hurt you. It seems like I’m always hurting you one way or another, and I’ve never wanted that.”

“We always find ways to hurt each other, darlin’. We can’t seem to get this dance right,” he sighs.

“No, we can’t.”

“Whatever you’re making smells amazing,” he smiles weakly.

“One of the many perks of no longer being an Avenger, I get to work on my cooking skills.”

“You’ve always been the best cook, babe,” he compliments as he gets up and makes his way over to you.

Having him so close to you still makes your brain so foggy, even after all this time.

“I’ll leave after dinner-”

“You don’t have to,” you quickly interrupt. “Neither one of you do. I have spare bedrooms...” “You’re comfortable with us staying here?”

“I mean, I’m already feeding the both of you and I don’t want you to spend the money, when there’s no need.”

“Still the most thoughtful person I know,” he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, and you lean into his touch. “There is something I have to tell you though.”

“Oh God.”

“They know.”

“They who?” “Everyone. I told Tony I’d be gone for a few days, because no matter what happened today, I knew I was gonna need time to recover, and he kept saying that he needs me to train the new recruits. So, I just folded and told him where I was going.”

“Shit.”

“I’m sorry, I really am, but I needed to see you, darlin’. I had no right and it’s your privacy, but I knew he wouldn’t let me go if I didn’t tell him.”

“No, it’s alright. I’m the one that left the way that I did...”

“He wants to see you, they all do.”

“Steve-”

“I didn’t promise them anything, I just told them I’d let you know.”

“I guess I owe it to everyone, don’t I?”

“That’s for you to decide,” he smirks as his eyes study your face. “You smell like vanilla and strawberries.”

“It’s my soap,” you giggle.

“I feel like I should be angry with you. You looked me in the eyes and lied to me.”

“To be fair, you did the same thing, Rogers. For years.”

“That’s true,” he sighs, backing up and leaning against the kitchen island.

Your confusion is short lived when you hear Bucky come storming back in.

“Are you staying over or not?” you ask as the second timer goes off.

He glares looking from you to Steve, “do you even want me here?”

“Whether I do or don’t isn’t the point. I’ve already made dinner, it’s getting late, and there’s no reason for you to spend money if you don’t have to. If you don’t have to go back tonight, I prefer you to stay where I know you’re safe. The last thing I need is for you to get into an accident on an almost five hour ride home, because you were sulking and not paying attention,” you mutter, dumping the bow ties into a strainer before transfer them to a bowl.

He looks taken aback (in a good way) , before responding with, “thank you,” and grabbing another beer.

“Ya know, I know you two can’t get drunk off of anything I have, but I do have stronger drinks.”

“This is fine, doll. Thank you.”

Well, at least he’s being nicer.

Soon enough, you’re taking the salmon out of the oven and breaking it up, before cutting up the broccoli and adding both to the bow ties. After adding in your homemade white sauce, you add just a bit of lemon juice and mixing it all in together. You can’t lie, it’s nice to cook for someone besides yourself for a change, even if the situation is extremely awkward.

“Uh, darlin’?” Steve asks softly as you take three plates out of your upper cabinet.

“Hmm?”

“Not to be creepy or nosey, but your phone keeps vibrating,” he laughs.

“Ah shit!”

You completely forget to answer the chat between you, Meg, Nat.

“Take as much as you want,” you tell them before sprinting up the steps.

Grabbing it off of the nightstand, you let out a small groan as you see the string of missed texts in the ‘Three Crazies’ chat.

Ms. Widow: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Rock n’ Roll Queen: What happened???

Ms. Widow: Steve heard me on the phone with Y/N, and hes taking a few days off go and see her.

Rock n’ Roll Queen: Oh shit! Oh SHIT!

Ms. Window: I think Buck is going too, or something, cause he took a few days off too. Maria found out and she’s freaking the fuck out.

Rock n’ Roll Queen: Fuck.

Ms. Widow: The whole fucking compound is buzzing, and Bruce is more than upset with me. Y/N, I’m really so sorry.

Rock n’ Roll Queen: Has anyone said anything to you?

Ms. Widow: No, Tony’s been pacing all day and the team is kind of dumbfounded. No one knew where she was, now, both Steve and Bucky are off to see her. No one knows why the divorce happened...no one knows anything.

Rock n’ Roll Queen: Babe, has anyone said anything? Has anyone showed up?

Ms. Widow: Oh God, please answer.

Rock n’ Roll Queen: Starting to get worried here, babe.

Ms. Widow: Please don’t hate me. I’m so damn sorry. I didn’t know Steve was even around.

Y/N: They’re here now, both of them are downstairs eating dinner, and they’re staying over tonight. I’ll talk more after dinner when I’m getting ready for bed. I could never hate you, Nat. You should know that by now.

You place your phone in your back back pocket and run a stressed hand through your hair, pacing before you remember they can both hear you and just stand in the middle of your bedroom. How was everything spiraling so fast? How the fuck were you supposed to explain things without saying too much? Oh God, how the fuck were you gonna deal with Maria?

All of these thoughts were giving you a headache, and you’re growing hungrier by the second. Racing back downstairs, you walk right by the two sets of inquisitive eyes, and make yourself a large helping of the pasta dish into a bowl before showering it with a generous helping of Parmesan cheese.

“What’s wrong, darlin’?” Steve is first to ask, but the look on Bucky’s face lets you know he’s just as worried.

“Everything is fine, just having a day,” you mutter, grabbing a fork and your drink before making your into your living room, and curling up on the couch.

You honestly aren’t even mad at them, but you’re now trying to navigate how all of this is going to work. You’d closed that chapter of your life, and had dealt with things in your own way, but now? Now, everyone knows and for as much as you hate to admit it, they deserve an explanation. It doesn’t matter that you technically did everything by the book (turning in all your weapons and any sensitive and classified details you had), you still abandoned your friends. The family you got to create. All they want is to see you and know that you’re okay, and who are you to say no? None of them did anything to deserve that.

God, you hope they don’t think you’ll stay. You have no desire for that life anymore, nor do you feel like seeing Maria’s smug fucking face anymore. No, you’re life isn’t exactly quiet now, but it’s a lot more calm and a lot more stable. You have your job, your fur baby, your home-

“Darlin’,” Steve sighs as he sits at the other end of the sofa.

You hadn’t even noticed that Charlotte had sensed your anxiety and stress, and curled up by your toes.

“I’m sorry, this is my fault-”

“I’m the one who walked away like I did, Steve.”

“Be that as it may, I-we disrupted your privacy. No, I didn’t expect Bucky to follow me, but I...I just needed to see you and didn’t think about anything else. I haven’t seen much of your life out here, but I can tell it’s quiet, you’re happy, and you’re finally at peace. Now, you have a million questions to answer and people to answer to. I’m really sorry, honey.”

“It’s...it’s fine,” you sob, not even understanding why you’re crying.

All at once, all of these emotions just overwhelm you, and you feel as if you’re drowning.

“Darlin’?!”

“What the hell did you do to her?!” you hear Bucky faintly yell.

Everything seems to fade around you and all sound is lost. Your family, friends, past...you have to face them all. Everything you’ve tricked yourself into thinking you’ve healed from is all of a sudden back in your life at once; the scabs all feel torn off and bleed again. Without warning, no easing back into it, and you have no idea what to expect. What if everyone hates you? What if no one even wants to see you? Is Maria the favorite now? Is she in your old office? You faintly feel someone wrap their arms around you, and you honestly don’t care which one of them it is, you just cling to them in a weak attempt to bring yourself back down.

“Darlin’, you’re okay, it’s all okay. Buck and I are right here,” Steve promises with worry laced in every word as he softly rubs your back.

He pulls you close and you can tell he’s trying to regulate your breathing with his own.

“I need you to breathe for me, pretty girl. Deep breaths,” he coos softly.

“M...Meg! Please call Meg,” you sob.

“Call Meg!” he repeats harshly towards Bucky, and you hate yourself for how worried they both are.

You pray that they don’t start arguing, because you don’t know what the hell you’ll do, and you can faintly hear Charlotte whining and feel her little paws on your lap. You haven’t had a panic attack since your second night there, and she’s never seen you have one.

This is only a bit of the final installation of 'My Little Decoy'. You can read the full version here.

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livelaughlovesubs · 7 months

Text

Study about leviathan

Thanks to the people who replied to my post!

Trigger warning: the things I’m going to mention include child trauma, sexual abuse and other. The language I’m going to use is direct. I do not share that experience, which is why I tried my best to do valid research. I’m not trying to offend anyone, and I’m really sorry if I get things wrong.

My opinion, it could be totally wrong so take it with a grain of salt~

So, right of the bat, I think we can all agree that Levi probably got sexually assaulted as a child.

‘Rough, oppressive hands. Filthy sounds of breathing. Humiliating violence that ensued’ this is probably the biggest hint I’ve found to my previous statement.

Now, I think most of his actions can be understood from his past and if we make some claims. On the surface, he seems like a cold, strict and violent person. Also very mean and rough, and an asshole if you want. Many people weren’t a fan of his ero scene (I think). That scene also made things more complicated, cuz he said that he wanted the mc to hate him. He dislikes people who hate him or love him for no reason. Levi was a dominant bottom, has agoraphobia (fear of leaving their save place), is obsessively into breath play and prideful, jealous but also insecure.

It’s a lot to unpack and he really is complicated, but I’ll try to explain what I found/ what I think would make sense for his character.

Levi got experimented on and assaulted as a kid, got beaten up and tortured while in the company of other children with the same fate. This is important to understand him. The story (chapter 5, towards the end) mentioned that the beating included strangulation, force injection/ in take of chemicals, getting punched etc. and there’s been that speculation (which is true), that trauma can turn into kinks. The reason why trauma can turn into kinks… cuz the brain is weird. Your brain can’t forget that traumatic experience and keeps replaying that scene (cause of ptsd), and your body remembers that feeling you’ve felt. Even if your body feels ‘pleasure’ it doesn’t mean you actually enjoy it, but then your brain does some weird shit and you get a specific kink towards that situation.

I think the reason why Levi is into chocking could be due to that, due to being strangulated by those angels, having his air snapped off from experiments, chocking on his vomit from the aftermath. His ero scene, including how he insulted minhyeok and made mc mad was all planned. Mc also noticed how even though he was the bottom, he was always in control. He also was a huge masochist and wanted mc to whip him or hurt him. You could just brush it off as his kink, though maybe it has some connections like before.

I read that victims of sexual trauma tend to seek out people that are similar to their abuser, actively or subconsciously. Or they are into bdsm cuz they want to role play that experience, this time with a consenting partner. They would never want to relive that experience, but they want to role play it because now they do have control over the situation. It’s as if they are reclaiming the control that they didn’t have. This is comparable with what Levi is doing, wanting his partner to hurt him and treat him horribly like what the angels did. He wanted mc to hate him to recreate the scene with the angels more similarity, while still being in control of everything. He had completely control the entire time, could stop whenever he wanted or overpower you. Also, for him who knows how to lie and betray, who isn’t so naive to trust everyone, it’s easier if they hate you. Then their actions will be easier to understand.

About why he isn’t fond of people who hate or love him for no reason, maybe comes from the angels who hated him for existing and the other ill fated children who lost their lives for him for the same reason. He definitely feels guilty for the children who chose to sacrifice themselves for no reason. He probably thinks it would make him feel less guilty if the people had a good reason for their deeds. If they had a good reason for torturing him, for loving him, he would feel less bad and guilty.

Fear of leaving places he considered safe, that probably came from the trauma as well. He knows he won’t end up in that cage again, but it’s a trauma, his brain won’t forget. Another reason why he might not want to leave his safe place could be because he considers himself different from the other devils. He knows how to lie, be suspicious and fear their own kind. If the other devils think they are agents of heaven, he won’t have a place to call home anymore. Levi had to be strong and build his own nation to protect himself as well as other orphans, he won’t want it to crumble now. He had to live a good life for his comrades. That could also explain why he is so stoic or serious. He doesn’t have the luxury of fooling around, he had to make sure no one would ever get suspicious over them and chase them away. No matter how much you reassure him, he won’t be able to change. Even so there are times where he feels safe enough to smile and be chill. But that’s only when he is in hades, his palace and with his closest allies. This fear of his must also be the reason he is a shut in.

Some people said that having agoraphobia feels like no one understands you. It feels like everyone judges you or is about to hurt you. It fits Levi, who is so wary of other devils.

Many of his personality traits indicate that he is a narcissist. Prideful, insecure and jealous. There are different types of narcissists, he is the kind that is secretly insecure and puts on strong airs. He probably compares himself to others due to that and has a frail ego. That must also be where his jealousy comes from or the fact he can’t take critique well. Being a narcissist doesn’t only mean you feel like you are the worst when you are alone, it’s also actively talking yourself into believing you are better than everyone else. This could be another reason why he’s a shut in, because it’s so much easier, then you don’t need to compare yourself to others.

I also feel like he needs to be the best because the kids told him to live a cool life in their stead. He also had a day where he gets especially horny, right? It had something to do with his trauma and angels, more conformation that his trauma turned into kink. Being hypersexuell is also one of the symptoms.

With such circumstances, it’s no wonder he grew up cold and distant. Anyway, I wrote this on a whim, I don’t know if my thought process even makes any sense, maybe I forgot some aspects too. Just ask for my opinion of anything if you want.

#whb #what in hell is bad #whb levi #what in hell is bad levi #leviathan whb #leviathan what in hell is bad #sub leviathan #whb leviathan #prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in “hell” is bad?

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Second Rate Second Chance: The Letdowns of Love is Better the Second Time Around and Living With Him

And we're back! We brought our good friend @twig-tea back to talk about how two Japanese BLs should have been 10s but absolutely flopped for us. This week we're talking about second chance romances, long-term pining, and their roles in queer narratives. Join us to break down what it's like to watch a show fall apart in real time.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Intro 00:02:38 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Worked 00:13:31 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Didn’t Work 00:23:32 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: Final Thoughts and Ratings 00:26:54 - Living With Him: How it Started 00:36:33 - Living With Him: Where it Went Wrong 00:44:40 - Living With Him: Final Thoughts and Ratings 00:52:03 - Why The Queerness Matters

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Intro

Ben

And we're back. This week, we're gonna be unpacking two Japanese shows that really let us down this season in our Second Rate Second Chance episode. We've brought our friend twig-tea back to the podcast.

Say hi, Twig.

Twig

Hi everyone.

Ben

We brought Twig back on because Twig and I have been watching Japanese BL and Japanese cinema for a long time. We have seen a lot of the good and bad of Japanese BL, and unfortunately both Love is Better the Second Time Around and Living with Him fall into the bad column for us.

We both have a genuine fondness for the way that Japanese teams often execute queerness with a lot of approachable specificity that really lets both of us connect to the queer truth of these characters.

That's personally important for me because, beyond these shows kind of fumbling the bag, they also undercut the queer narratives they're telling with some of the mistakes they've made. This is something that's becoming a burgeoning issue for me and Twig in our discussions about the state of global BL, and so we're going to also get into that towards the end.

00:02:38 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Worked

NiNi

Let's start with Love is Better the Second Time Around. Ben, what is Love is Better the Second Time Around about?

Ben

Love is Better the Second Time Around is a second chance Japanese BL about two guys in their earlyish 30s who were very close in their teens when they were in school together, broke up, and are now running into each other again as a result of work.

Our main character's name is Miyata Akihiro. He is an editor for some sort of business and economics magazine and he is assigned to work with this writer and professor, who happens to be his childhood boyfriend. They were supposed to be very serious, and then they had a really painful breakup at a crucial moment. Iwanaga Takashi has clearly still been in love with Miyata this whole time and is flirting relentlessly with this man. They work through some, but not all of their issues and are able to start going out together again before the show absolutely shits the bed.

Before we get to that portion of it,Twig! Walk us through the early developments when we were initially responding positively to the show and what we were really dialed in on.

Twig

The first four episodes of this show were some of my favorite television this year. Which is why I’m so upset about the last two, but we'll get there.

When they meet each other as adults, the messiness of their past is established right away, and you can feel the tension between them. The grudge that Miyata holds is really fun to watch. Iwanaga is a real flirt. He leans into the sort of playboy personality that was also really fun to watch.

It immediately felt adult. Iwanaga admitted to having casual sex with his assistant. Miyata made fun of him for it. They had a kiss in that first episode. It was so good. Miyata decided that he was an adult now, and he wasn't gonna be pushed around by his senpai from high school anymore. The assistant, Shiraishi, was a bitch. A really fun bitch to watch. [laughs]

Ben

[laughs] He really was. He was a real bitch for like, the first four or five episodes. I loved it.

NiNi

I enjoyed that.

Ben

He was played by Takamatsu Aloha, who was in Tokyo in April Is… playing Ren there. It was really fun to see him again.

NiNi

He really nailed the whole bitchy, “Who is this new person? Why are they around this person that I am perceiving to be my man? I need to get rid of this person quick, fast. What is the fastest way that I can do that?” Mm, loved it. It was so, so bitchy. Perfect.

Twig

And it played so well to what felt like the point of the story, which was that the main characters are older now, and to have this younger person around acting younger really helped highlight the fact that these older characters are a little bit more mature and so they're making slightly more mature decisions. [laughs] I won't say very much more mature, but a little bit. He actually worked really well to help emphasize that part of the story.

And we learned early on that Miyata was trying to get engaged; we also see him [laughs] fail at it so badly. That scene is one of my favorites, where he's opening the ring box and Fukuda-san, she won't let him propose. She keeps closing it in his face.

Ben

That was honestly one of the most enjoyable meta moments about BL, where the girl who doesn't deserve this sees a very bad proposal coming and physically restrains [laughs] restrains [NiNi laughs] the main character from opening the ring box so he can't propose.

NiNi

It was super funny. So good. She was just like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Twig

It was perfect. And then, of course Miyata then called Iwanaga to complain about not being allowed to propose, which was perfect and gave more opportunities for extreme flirting.

I loved so much that these two characters started having sex again while Miyata was still mad and still unwilling to be in a relationship with Iwanaga. Miyata confirming that the sex did not mean anything.

NiNi

I loved that he was just like, “I wondered if you were good at this. I'm so mad at you right now.” [NiNi and Twig laugh] That was so funny!

Ben

That was also kinda hot, let's be real.

Twig

Yes! Ben and I had a whole conversation about how finally a scene with tension in yukatas pays off and we see people actually have sex.

Ben

Let me tell you. The real sign that you've been in Japanese BL for a while is when you see two fuckin’ boys in yukata sharing a room together and you know no one's gonna fuck.

Twig

Right? [laugh]

Ben

There's a fun one for the listeners. Sound off in the comments. List all of the Japanese BL that put those boys in yukata and then did not deliver.

Twig

But we got it in this one, finally. And we also got that iconic line, “If you love me, don't apologize.” Which is also, whoo.

NiNi

I did enjoy that. “Do not apologize for this because I'm ‘bout to have a good ass time.”

Ben

I wanna do a quick follow up on one of the comments you made about the maturity of these characters relative to Shiraishi in the story. This is a moment where Shiraishi intentionally doesn't deliver a message about an updated deadline to Iwanaga for the column he's writing for Miyata’s magazine. And it causes a real problem because now Miyata has to go rush to Iwanaga, who was away on a work trip, and get him to hurriedly write this article. It leads to an important sex scene, which is great for us and the yukata delivery that we were very happy about. But I really like that Miyata is so done with Shiraishi. When he finally confronts him about it, he's like, “I don't care if you don't like me, but you're fucking up other people’s lives when you do shit like this.” He wasn't angry at him, the just jaded disappointment cut that man to the fucking bone. He was not ready for it.

Twig

It both illustrated Miyata being more mature and also wasn't letting Shiraishi get to him, that you're not actually a threat, but you're now a problem, so you need to stop. It really highlighted how young and petty he was.

Ben

I really love the way you sum that up. “You're not a threat, you're a problem” is so succinct. And that's really what hurt him in that moment, he realized he had really fucked up. There's no winning at that point. There's only the huge loss of face on his part.

Twig

Exactly.

And then we got Miyata jerking off to Iwanaga’s face in the shower.

Ben

It was really accessible sexuality in this show that was actually really surprising for us because we've been dealing with a lot of cutesy BL lately, it feels like, so it was really refreshing to have these guys have access to their own sexuality and be able to express that and act on it.

Twig

There are ways in which sex is handled in BL. Sometimes it's held back to add tension to a story, but it's often also done in a way that makes the story feel puritanical. From episode 1, we knew that they wanted to fuck. By episode 3 they were fucking.

That just felt so refreshing. Yeah, these are grown ass adults who have had a previous relationship before. They know each other, so there's some level of familiarity there. They're attracted to each other. They want to bone down and so they do. That seems perfectly reasonable. It's actually ridiculous it doesn't happen more often.

NiNi

From the moment that Iwanaga sees Miyata again, it's game on. He's like, “Okay, this? This is happening. I don't care what it's going to take for this to happen, but this is absolutely happening.”

Twig

He bought that man cufflinks.

NiNi

He did what needed to be done, absolutely. He was not playing around. He decided that this is what they're doing and he made it happen.

Ben

So I think what I really wanna highlight here about this particular show with the second chance component is we were actually super dialed in on how seriously the show was taking that part of the premise. Iwanaga comes from a very wealthy family and he was dealing with some shit and he was like, we're gonna run away. Normal, stupid kid shit. The two of them planned to meet at the train station and get out of there and go make it in Tokyo. A stupid character we'll talk about later complicates the situation by convincing Miyata that Iwanaga is just toying with him. Miyata is hurt and embarrassed by this, and does not show up to go on the train. The two of them end up separated by Iwanaga’s family circumstances, and that was their big break.

So when they meet up again, Miyata has real beef with this man. And the show doesn't downplay the seriousness of Miyata’s hurt. That was such a real relief. If the characters have done real harm to each other, we do need to focus on the reconciliation that's critical for this relationship to work this time, and that was something that this show was handling so seriously. Even though Iwanaga wasn't actually giving Miyata all the things that we, the audience, were like, he needs to do these things if it's gonna work. His charm was enough that Miyata was wanting for them to complete the reconciliation.

We don't get second chance like this where the breakup was actually the fault of one of the guys, even if it's complicated by familial homophobia stuff. They were serious about each other at the time, but Iwanaga was doing this playboy shit even then. And so Miyata can't feel secure with him because it's the same bullshit again. I like that their 30 year old selves were not fundamentally different from their younger selves. They were just more experienced.

Twig

The last thing on my list of when I was still really vibing with the show is the “feelings-off,” as I like to call it. Miyata challenged Iwanaga, “You never felt as strongly about me as I felt about you” and Iwanaga said, “Try me.” And so Miyata challenges him, “Did you ever cry about me into your pillow? Did you think about me when I wasn't there? Do you jerk off to me, ‘cause I did.” He gives him four or five things to say, “Were you this embarrassing about me, because I haven't seen you be embarrassing about me.” And Iwanaga says, “Yes. I was.” And that's finally the thing that allows Miyata to give him another chance.

00:13:31 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Didn’t Work

NiNi

So we build all that up. We're having a great time. Everybody's vibing with the show. And then it all turns.

From the time that the family started showing up, that was when the show went, to me, off the rails. I was just like, all of this is interesting, but not the same story that they were telling all the time.

Ben

It was confusing. We were in this really solid second chance romance arc where we were focused on the guys rebuilding their relationship with each other. And then it feels like they didn't know what to do with the guys once the “fuck you, don't touch me” barrier falls away. They immediately complicate that by trying to reintroduce Iwanaga's family trauma as this sudden barrier.

This is the common theme with the two shows that we’re gonna talk about, introducing contrived bullshit barriers to keep the characters apart and fuck up their ability to talk to each other when the entire arc is built upon these guys improving the way they talk to each other. That's the real fundamentally unsatisfying aspect of all of this. I'm usually a defender for the way people interact in Japanese cinema. We talk about trying to bring a level of cultural competency to watching Asian media, having been raised in the west. Respect the way that these cultures handle some of their communication protocols when they're engaging with each other. We talk about respecting the way honorifics work in these languages and how that impacts the way these people talk about each other. Listening to some of the tones they use with each other, about how certain terms immediately signify things, and these things don't always translate well. You just have to be able to hear and understand these things. I don't really wanna give these two shows that we're gonna to continue talking about here a lot of credit for this.

This show was in the middle of a really satisfying second chance romance arc of rebuilding a relationship and then completely throws that out the fuckin’ window. Iwanaga is now the male scion of a wealthy family that disowned him for being a homo, but now needs him to come back because his sister is like, “Yeah, fuck all this Japanese nonsense. I'm marrying a foreign man and we're gonna r-u-n-n-o-f-t. That's fine as an arc on its own, but I kinda wish we had like an extra episode or two for these guys to move further along their arc before we introduced that, and it was doubly frustrating because Iwanaga immediately regresses in a way that is not satisfying because he isn't our main character. If Miyata was the one who was suddenly regressing, we have been in that man's head. We were in the shower when he was beating his dick to this dude. We get it. We know what this man is going through. So if he were the one to regress, we would be down with it. We would understand the emotional complexities that he was facing. But the difficulty with Iwanaga being the one to suddenly back off in the middle of all this family nonsense is we never understood the family nonsense. So reintroducing that with this shit heel of a cousin who really wants to fuck Iwanaga was just so deeply unsatisfying, and honestly kind of offensive, because they don't even dwell on it. They're relying on the shorthand of us just going, “Well, they're gay, right? Homophobia. Whatchu gonna do?”

NiNi

[laughs] What I was gathering the story was leading up to the family coming in at that point in time, is that at this point in the story, maybe their romantic feelings had gotten ahead of their commitment. So they're feeling a lot of things, but they haven't talked about a lot of things. They haven't decided what they're gonna do or who they're going to be to each other. They're just sitting in the moment enjoying being together, enjoying having sex and all that kind of stuff. But they haven't really decided what they're gonna be. And then all this family shift comes in so you're just like, oh, okay, they're out over their skis. They don't know what they're doing. All this stuff is happening at exactly the wrong time because it's throwing them back into a history that they haven't really dealt with. Okay, this is good.

But then instead of focusing on that, they focus it towards Iwanaga’s family and what actually happened back then and how it affects Iwanaga, and that doesn't really work? I don't care about that at this point in time. I want to know what's happening with Miyata and Iwanaga’s relationship.

Twig

I think there's room for where we could have cared about it, but we weren't given time or space. There's a story there of Iwanaga so alienated from his family that he wanted to run away with his boyfriend, and they found out about it, and he took all of the blame and didn't let anyone know who Miyata was so that he wouldn't get in trouble. And so his family disowned him. He was cut out of the family registry and cut out of his family’s life. There's a really tragic story there and we're given almost no time to sit with that or care about it. His hurt isn't given any time.

Instead, we just find out that Iwanaga made the decision to let Miyata think he was the butt of a joke and stay heartbroken for years, decade, rather than admit that Iwanaga had family problems when they were kids. And then we see him be willing to let Miyata go again for the exact same reason as adults. And so all of the work we'd seen Miyata do to process what had happened in their relationship in the past and decide to trust Iwanaga again. Iwanaga betrayed that trust, frankly, by not allowing himself to be vulnerable with Miyata. We find out in the very last episode that Miyuata actually fell in love with Iwanaga in a vulnerable moment, he saw him crying alone on the pier, and that was where his feelings turned to love. So we know that Miyata cares about Iwanaga as a person who is not perfect, and he wants Iwanaga to be less cool. And Iwanaga has not learned the lesson.

So, I left this series feeling like I can't trust this relationship to continue in any other way than exactly the way it's happened twice before. It's very frustrating.

Ben

There’s this moment in, like, episode 5 or 6 where Miyata goes and confronts Shiraishi, who decides to stop being a bitch at the final moment. Why?

Twig

I was disappointed.

Ben

He should have been a bitch the whole time. [laughs]

Twig

I just needed to see this man be mean to Miyata one more time and they didn't give me that.

Ben

That's the point, because Iwanaga never has that important vulnerable moment with Miyata. The emotional reveal has to come from the not-rival, which is not satisfying.

You know what? I'm not done bitching. Let's talk about what the show thought it was doing with the cousin. I feel like the cousin is meant here to be the stand in for what trying to be queer and closeted inside of this family does to you. So we get this vile man in Sugimoto who is just so gross and playing these goofy, manipulative games trying to achieve some sort of position for himself or his branch of the family. Is what I think they thought they were doing? It did not land for me at all.

Twig

Yeah. At some point, it seemed like we were supposed to believe that Sugimoto was secretly on Iwanaga and Miyata’s side the whole time. And he was, like, testing them and that test was supposed to be some sort of thing that they should be grateful for. I was like, no.

Ben

I'm gonna do that the next time I get called on some bullshit. You passed the test!

[all laugh]

NiNi

I legit don't understand, like I actually don't narratively understand what happened there. Not just in terms of what they thought they were doing thematically, but narratively that whole part of the story is so confusing.

Ben

NiNi is correct. The first four episodes we were like, “This is a banger. This is gonna be a 10. We gotta tell all the other girlies you need to watch this.” Episode 5 happens, we were like, “Whoa, what the fuck?” And then by the time episode 6 ends, we're like, “Never mind, girls. You don't need to follow us in this one.”

Twig

Shiraishi and Sugimoto have the same role and arc in that final episode.

Ben

Like, we already had a bitch. We didn't need another one!

Twig

Two bitches is too many bitches. [laughs]

Ben

And they didn't even team up and have, like, nasty sex or something.

Twig

Oh my God, I could have forgiven everything if that had happened.

NiNi

First of all, “Two bitches is too many bitches” is perfect, but the other thing is it feels like they thought they needed to have a bitch in the past and a bitch in the present.

Twig

Do you want me to tell you my theory?

Ben

Oh, bestie, I want to hear all of your theories. Go for it.

NiNi

Tell us. Tell us. Spill the tea.

Twig

So I tried really hard to find the manga for this because I needed to know what had gone wrong in the adaptation and I couldn't find it. If anyone out there has it, please send it to me. What I do know is that there are three volumes and that it's still ongoing. One of the things that Japan likes to do, usually one of its worst mistakes when they do an adaptation, is they try to squeeze together at least two volumes into what should be one volume series adaptation. And so we get one really good arc, and then an entire volume or two squeezed into the very end, feeling rushed because they are rushed. So that's my totally uneducated, but based on experience, guess about why this felt like two different shows and two different arcs. Because it probably was?

00:23:32 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

Unfortunately, that is gonna end it for this show. I really want you all, if you've taken the time to listen to us, to really understand that…end of episode 4, we were like 10s, 10s all around. This show is doing some great shit. There's some hot messes here that need to be resolved, but the way that we're being led through this with these characters, the way they're talking to each other, the way we're in it with them was so, so satisfying. Before this show shits the bed.

I am a queer cinema critic who really loves BL and the role it fulfills in the global queer cinema landscape. My goal is to connect other queer people to meaningful stories that they can enjoy. And sometimes that means that we have to say a show really fucked up, guys. If you do watch it, please understand that we loved the show for four episodes and then it transitions in a way that is not satisfying at all. But the first four episodes were still some of the best shit we've seen in a long time. And with that in mind, let's rate this motherfucker!

NiNi?

NiNi

I get to go first. Oh me, oh my.

Ben

We love J-BL, so you get to rate without us giving our ratings. [laugh]

NiNi

I will give this a 6.5. Disappointing me at the end is always gonna hurt me more than something that was wobbly from the start.

Ben

Twig-tea?

Twig

I gave it a 7. After I first finished it I gave it an 8, but the longer it sat with me, the madder I got. So I’ve downgraded it.

Ben

It is also a 7 for me, because where this show goes wrong is very obvious. I think BL viewers would learn a lot about the genre from watching this and understanding where some of us have come from. With that in mind, I'm giving this show a 6.9 from The Conversation because the sex was good in this show.

[NiNi and Twig laugh]

NiNi

Producer privilege rearing its head, I see you, I see you.

Twig

We didn't talk about how pretty Iwanaga is.

Ben

You know, we have not simped over these men. Let's talk about how fuckin’ beautiful Furuya Robin and Hasegawa Makoto were. Holy shit! We have needed some older guys in J-BL—older being 30, for fucks sake. [NiNi laughs] But these guys are fucking beautiful.

Twig

He put on his reading glasses and I [goofy voice] swooned.

NiNi

Hasegawa Makoto was a delight to look at.

Ben

Holy shit! As we're recording this, it is Furuya Robin’s birthday. Happy birthday, sir.

Twig

Happy birthday!

NiNi

Happy birthday, indeed. Keep aging like fine wine.

I'm so mad, though, this show was at 10 right up until, like episode 5, and then it went from a 10 to 6.5.

Ben

It really was. NiNi’s rating is not off. If I didn't think the show was useful to talk about for people, I would have given it probably a 6.

NiNi

Love is Better the Second Time Around gets a 6.9 from The Conversation, recommended with severe caveats.

00:26:54 - Living With Him: How it Started

NiNi

Let's move on to the next show that disappointed us: Living With Him. Ben, what is Living With Him about?

Ben

[deep sigh] Living With Him is about how we will never get the roommates BL that we deserve. [NiNi laughs] All of the energy that we were supposed to get out of roommates BL was lost to the Philippines during the quarantine period. We blew all of that energy on lockdown stories. Goddammit!

Living With Him is about two college freshmen who are going to live together because they were once childhood friends, and their moms think it might be financially beneficial and emotionally beneficial for the two of them to reconnect, since they're both going away to start school away from home and they would like for them to have someone to live with that they also know. We're primarily following Natsukawa Ryota, who is so excited to be going to college. He has dyed his hair brown. He is no longer gonna be doing house chores and taking care of his little sisters. He is ready to spread his little wings and figure out who his actual personality is going to be. He is living with his childhood friend, Tanaka Kazuhito, who is obviously gay and obviously has had a huge crush on Natsukawa for a long time. Kazuhito is also dealing with some major changes in his life—he was a national competing level baseball player in high school who can no longer play baseball due to a shoulder injury. It's very clear that Kazuhito has feelings for Natsukawa, and Natsukawa picks up on this fairly quickly, particularly because all of Kazuhito's friends are being real shady about it.

And I was really excited about what this show was going to be, because this was about two childhood friends reconciling and dealing with this major thing between them. What was really enjoyable about this show—now that we covered the premise of two childhood friends moving together, one of them has a crush, the other one picks up on it—is they talk about this crush in episode 3, and we were primed for the rest of the show to deal with this crush being in the open and reconciling what that change in your relationship is gonna look like.

Where this show goes wrong. After episode 3, episode 4 is them being awkward around each other—a completely reasonable reaction. They come to some sort of agreement by the end of that, and decide they’re going to go on a trip together in episode 5, but they do nothing with that. Episode 6 is a useless fuckin’ flashback episode about shit we already knew to lead into the seventh episode where Kazuhito decides to preemptively reject himself for Natsukawa's benefit, who suddenly can't open his fuckin’ mouth. Into stupid forced separation nonsense for a whole fuckin’ episode and then Japanese track star run for no reason, don't link up with each other, and then pick up episode 8 not dealing with the failed Japanese track star BL run. And we end on this perfunctory note where they wanna suddenly get us back on track in the finale.

Gone on an extensive ramble there. I apologize for you having to edit that, NiNi.

NiNi

I was just lettin’ you cook, fam.

Ben

I would like for you to unpack your experience coming behind us and catching up with our disappointment.

NiNi

As usual, when it comes to the shorter BLs, I like to binge, so I started Living With Him loving everything about it, loving the emotional core of what it is. One of the big things that really got to me is that they do, throughout the show, have flashbacks to their childhood, and there's a lot of good The Knowing content in there. I was just like, “Oh yes, this is so good. He's been feeling this way for such a long time. We're gonna delve into that. It's gonna be so good. It's gonna be so emotional.” [sigh]

And then they don't really do anything with that. For five episodes, the show had me. Kazuhito is teasing Ryota, saying-not-saying the thing. Ryota basically figures it out with the help of Kazuhito’s friends. He's now starting to think, “Okay, well, what is this?” To have a conversation about it. And then you're getting into episode 4 and episode 5, where they’re turning these things around in their heads, and then the last thing that happens in episode 5 that I really responded to, they have like a physical movement where he tells Kazuhito “You can hug me,” basically. And that moment was so heavy. It was so good. And I'm looking forward to having the outgrowth of that moment. And instead we get a fuckin’ flashback. [laughs] And then we get weird sort of casual-homophobia-not-homophobia from Kazuhito's mother.

Ben

Worse, we got compulsory heterosexuality.

NiNi

And then it's like that didn't happen in the end like, okay, that's a digression that we went on. We don't know why we did that. We're going back to the main story now. But now I've lost the emotional thread. They're doing all this stuff and it's cute or whatever, they decided they're going to be together, great, but it's not landing anymore. They've lost me. They've broken the tension. They've broken the emotional thread. I don't feel it anymore.

Okay. So, Ben and I have both talked a lot. Twig you step in here. What are your thoughts about this? How did you feel that the show went wrong? What did you think the show did well?

Ben

Walk us through your process, Twig.

Twig

It’s so, so bad. [laughs]

Ben

Walk us through it, bestie.

Twig

All right. Okay. I was so invested in these two. We start with Natsukawa and the show sets up so well that he's excited to be on his own, and he's unsure about his childhood friend Kazuhito being there. Kazuhito is immediately weird in ways that throw Natsukawa off, and which the audience, or at least the gay audience, immediately clock as, “Oh, this man is gay and catty about it.” NiNi, you called it teasing. Oh, it’s more than that. I was having so much fun with Kazuhito and the way he was like, “Mmm. I wonder what it could be. Why would girls always be unhappy with me as their boyfriend? I wonder.” This man. [laughs]

NiNi

It was so good. He was basically like, “I am trying to tell you in every way possible that I am A) gay and B) into you, and you are just not picking this up, sir.”

Twig

And he was mean about it in a way that wasn't mean mean, but when they go on their adorable not-date, which was some of the best domesticity we've had in a while, Kazuhito says to Natsukawa, “It's all right, you wouldn't get it.” The way he was just calling him out for being obliviously heteronormative without actually calling him out, it was beautiful. And the best part about that was he was wrong. Natsukawa did figure it out, and so Kazuhito being so sure that Natsukawa was too straight to get it, actually blew up in his face in a way that I loved.

The way that they were so honest with each other and the way that they cared about their relationship, this is one of the things that this show does really right about friends to lovers. Even though they're a little bit unsure with each other cause they haven't talked in a while, they still really care about this relationship between the two of them, and they don't wanna fuck that up. But rather than not fuck it up by holding it all in, they actually talk to each other about it ‘cause both of these men have an understanding that communication is actually important. Both of them say to each other at one point or another, “I think you've misunderstood something that I said. I'm gonna clarify that.” Or, “I said that that was a joke, but I was actually lying about that. I did mean it.” The fact that we got to a place where Kazuhito owned his feelings and said, “Listen, tell me if you're uncomfortable, but I'm happy to just keep things as they are” and Natsukawa immediately empathized with him and said, “Wow, this must have been so hard for you. Is there anything I can do to make this better for you?” That was beautiful. It was such a loving moment, even though it wasn't romantic yet? Their relationship was so good and then the show fucked it up so badly. [laughs]

The other thing I loved about this show, before I move on to why I'm so mad at it, was the way they used the friendship group to establish that Kazuhito had clearly talked about this man before, when he wasn't around, [laugh] to the point where his friends recognize who he was and how important he was to Kazuhito. So they met Natsukawa—they treated him like he was a minor celebrity. Like, “This is Natsukawa?”

NiNi

He reminded me of What Did You Eat Yesterday? When what's-her-name finally meets Kenji.

Twig

Oh yes! Yes.

Ben

I would like for you to note that NiNi is the one who brought up What Did You Eat Yesterday? this time, not me. [Twig and Ben laugh]

NiNi

Duly noted. It's delightful. He doesn't even have to introduce himself. Yoshida is like, “Oh, you must be Natsukawa.” And he's like, “What?” and she's like, “Shhh shh shh shh shhhh. Don't worry about how I know that.”

Twig

Kazuhito gets called away and he's like, “Come on, guys. Let's go there.” And they’re like, “No, we're good. We're gonna stay and talk to this man.” [Twig and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

The gossip is here! Why would you go where you are, this is where the good stuff is.

Twig

[sigh] And then.

00:36:33 - Living With Him: Where it Went Wrong

Ben

And then! Take us in, Twig.

Twig

Okay, so, episode 4 happened, and I did appreciate sitting with the awkwardness after the intensity of those emotional conversations and the uncertainty of what things were gonna be like now. That actually felt true. But the problem was it started to feel slow. This is where I think it started to drag.

Episode 5 was clearly filler. We go camping. Okay, there shoulda been a kiss. I'm still mad about it. What it seemed like they were trying to do with the camping episode was establish some of Natsukawa's insecurities. He wants to seem a little more competent and cool in front of Kazuhito. That already felt a bit weird to me because in their apartment he's the one who cooks, so he already has established himself as someone who does things that Kazuhito can't. He also in the flashbacks, in the earlier episodes to their childhood, was established as the one in Kazuhito's life who didn't see him as perfect. Who liked him as he was and as not perfect. So for him to suddenly be caught up in Kazuhito as a perfect guy didn't feel true to the character we'd gotten to that point?

NiNi

I felt like this episode was really about Natsukawa trying to flirt. I feel like Natsukawa has certain confidences, but the insecurities that Natsukawa is dealing with here are about his romantic potential. It's not that he sees himself as smaller or less, but it's more like when it comes to romance and sex and all those things he doesn't feel as confident in that way.

Twig

I agree with you, which is why it was so weird that so much of the camping thing was about how Natsukawa learned all of these camping things so that he could give Kazuhito a good time and then couldn't get the lighter started and so they had to rely on these girls. It felt like they were focusing on the wrong parts of him that he didn't have confidence in.

NiNi

But if he's trying to flirt with Kazuhito in this way, then maybe it's more like, “I'm trying to flirt and I'm failing at it” kind of thing.

Ben

See and this is where things could have been really interesting. Here is the problem: Natsukawa wanting to take care of Kazuhito as his primary way to respond to their situation made total sense. The only skills he's really developed outside of studying are domestic chores. Being unable to deliver on that front when they went camping was totally reasonable and there was something potentially interesting there, but they don't really deal with that properly. There's this actually kind of satisfying moment at the end where he says plainly, “I want you to rely on me more,” that lands pretty smoothly from where we were in episode 3, where he was like, “You must have been holding this for a long time. How do I help you?” And ending on “rely on me more, dummy,” was absolutely fine.

The big problem for me was episode 6. If the thematic point and the thrust of episode 5 is “rely on me more, dummy” the byproduct and answer to that in episode 6 should have been that man waking up and saying, “I've always relied on you.” But instead, the show backs off from them entirely by having Kazuhito break up in the next episode because they don't know what the fuck else to do. I guess. The natural response to that fucking long-ass flashback telling us that this man has always thought about this man, that he has defined a huge part of his adolescence, was for him to wake up and say it. And he doesn't. This leads to the finale episode where finally he says what he has to say and Kazuhito's like, “This is the happiest moment of my life. Let's dead fish kiss” and I'm like, absolutely not! This man has been horny for 10 years. I need to see that being released now.

The thing about me with this is, like—Shan and I joke about this. We are real haters. But like a big part about being a hater is being a lover! You love these shows. You love what they do really well, and where they fuck up is so obvious sometimes. The obvious fuck up of this show is Ryota saying clearly “rely on me more” and then Natsukawa not talking to him for basically two episodes after that, the end of episode 5 is a very clear request from one of our romantic leads to the other that the other romantic lead does not respond to. The guy who has been in love with this man the whole fucking time receives a direct request from him. The guy who was apparently the reason why he was able to get his fucking life back together, and he does not respond to that clear stated request, and because he can't respond to that, it shuts down Natsukawa's arc for the rest of the show about who is he beyond caring for other people. It's so deeply unsatisfying.

NiNi

Twig, in terms of where it breaks down for you, is that similar to where Ben's talking about or do you have a different place where things start to break down?

Twig

Episode 6 is definitely the waste of an entire episode, just illustrating things that they'd already told us through conversation. Show, not tell, but there's no point in showing us what you already told us. That's a waste of time. Natsukawa, his arc got completely fucked up by all of the wasted space in this show. That's why it feels so confusing and unsatisfying, because the order of what he goes through internally no longer makes any sense.

What we see him do in this show is he starts confused, uncertain about what's going on with Kazuhito. He has a realization about what's going on with Kazuhito, and they have the conversation about it. He has time to reflect on it and think about what his feelings are. He accepts his feelings. We see him realize that he likes Kazuhito, he wants to be with him. Then we see him hesitate about that, “Because I like you, it's actually really hard to tell you,” which is not how they've been communicating to date, but okay. And then he goes from that to concern about homophobia, which makes no sense to have as a thing to happen after you've already gone through acceptance and hesitation. And then it gets resolved. It was a confusing clusterfuck because it didn't make any sense, and the only reason why his arc happens that way is because they had those two filler episodes of his acceptance and hesitation in the middle that weren't in the manga. I did read it to figure out what the hell went wrong.

Ben

Twig, walk us through the experience you had reading the manga to get some clarity.

Twig

A lot of the things that I thought didn't necessarily work or I was confused by in the show, worked perfectly in the manga because of the order in which they happen and the lack of space between them. Natsukawa’s arc in the manga is, he reunites with Kazuhito, is confused by what's going on with Kazuhito, he has a realization and the conversation with Kazuhito about it. He's left to think about it. He immediately goes from that to his concerns about homophobia and then it's resolved.

So all of the moments where he realizes he feels good with Kazuhito, he wants him in his life, he misses him when he's not there, those happen after the concern about homophobia. It made a complete difference. Things that I hated in the show worked perfectly well in the manga because they made sense in terms of an order of events and the emotional arcs that people went through. It was a really good illustration of understanding the overarching arc you're telling and not just the moments, because they kept all of the moments of the manga, they're all in the show, but by moving them around a little bit and adding so much in between them, it completely changed how they landed for the audience.

00:44:40 - Living With Him: Final Thoughts and Ratings

NiNi

The show feels like it wanted to touch on a lot of things, but it also didn't want to touch on a lot of things, so we get some of Natsukawa’s arc regarding the way that he feels about having spent his teenage years looking after his sisters and some of the things that have come out of that. His family is a decently big part of the show. And there's some things there with his mom and how his mom may feel guilty and like she needs to make up for certain things. And then his sisters are still asking him for stuff even after he's moved out. They're still buggin’ him all the time. There's stuff in there that's swirling around, but it never really gets concretized.

And then there's stuff around Kazuhito's mom that again, swirling around and never really gets concretized. And I just feel like the show wanted to do all of these things, but they weren't serious about any of them. And then they spend all this time in the middle, these two entire episodes, pulling in a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with any of this.

Twig

I wanna pick up what you said about the parents. The show spent time with both Kazuhito and Natsukawa’s moms. We Natsukawa’s mom clock immediately that there was something wrong with Natsukawa because he was making something deep fried, which is a sign that her son is going through it. And I thought that was a really beautiful way of showing that his mom understood him. And then we got the conversation with Kazuhito's mom when the comphet happens where Kazuhito's mom asks Natsukawa to let her know if Kazuhito meets anyone so that she can find out about his love life because he never tells her anything.

And then the final episode, we get a moment with both moms where they clearly clock that something's going on with their sons and seem happy about it? And that was so unearned and made me so angry. Natsukawa’s mom at least seemed like she knew her son, but Kazuhito's mom was fully oblivious, and for her to get that moment of, “Oh good. My son is now happy with his boyfriend” to the point where—I took in these yukatas so that they can have this yukata moment—mmm, to bring that back.

Ben

There it is. Sorry, listeners, you won't get to count this show when you list them out.

[all laugh]

Twig

So they get these yukatas taken in so they can have them permanently. And nod to, “I know that you guys are gonna be a thing,” a quiet without having to say it aloud, “I'm cool with your relationship” and she makes an offhand comment that Kazuhito is so much happier now, like he was when he was younger, that indicates that she knows that Natsukawa is making a difference in Kazuhito’s life and she's happy about it.

Where the hell was that energy when she was talking to him before, where did this come from?

Ben

You're right, man. After two episodes of angst in episode 6 and 7, they rushed the shit out of the resolution in episode 8.

Twig

This show had too little material to work with, was too cowardly to add very much at all. The little bit that they did add was not good, so maybe for the best that they [laughs] didn't try to do too much, but they wanted to keep the main beat in the same place, which meant that they shoved a bunch of filler in the middle that fucked up the entire emotional arc and then rushed the ending. They just shat the bed on it. The part that I was actually really interested in—which is, what is this relationship going to look like once it gets off the ground?—we didn't get any of that.

Ben

This show was good for like 30 percent of its run, tolerable for about 62 percent of its run.

NiNi

62 percent, that was so specific.

Ben

It’s what 5 divided by 8 is. [Twig laughs] It's just math.

NiNi

Sir. Sir. Sir!

Ben

Anyway, this is from the same team that brought us Old Fashion Cupcake, so we're trying to understand why the people who have made a five episode banger decided to take what should have been a five episode banger and make it an eight episode fart.

Twig

Talk that talk.

Ben

This show was so vacant. They clearly ran out of the great source material by the end of episode 3 and did not know what to do for the rest of the show. Spending this much time in one character having intense angst over another character not ending in a satisfying release of that tension is extremely disappointing. If Kazuhito was holding these feelings for 10 years, that perfunctory little dead fish kiss was so unsatisfying. I rebuke it.

NiNi

We shall not speak of it.

Twig

The one thing that did keep me going through that last episode were the performances specifically of Sato Ryuga and Sakai Sho. The performances in this show were good and I would like to see them in something else.

Ben

I would very much like them to try again.

NiNi

I absolutely agree, even through all the nonsense I think that the acting was solid and I would like to see these boys do something again. [sigh] I don't wanna talk about this show anymore.

Ben

Let’s rate it!

NiNi

[laughs] Let's rate this sucker.

Ben

It's a 6. It's a 6. It was not exactly offensive, but this show made the egregious sin of being boring. How do you make a Japanese BL boring? That is the reign of Thailand, with its 50 to 100 fuckin’ minute episodes.

[Twig laughs]

NiNi

I'ma let you cook. For now.

Twig

The worst part about it is it's so close to being so good. You can almost fix it just by watching 1-4 and then 8.

NiNi

No.

Ben

No.

NiNi

No.

Ben

No.

NiNi

No.

Ben

No.

Twig

No?

Ben

[laughs] No. Absolutely not.

Twig

Ha! [Twig laughs]

NiNi

I would be right there with you normally, but 8 is not good.

Ben

I love you, Twig. [laugh] I will be back-to-back with you against anyone in this fandom. But I can't be with you on this, sis. Episode 8 fucking sucked because it doesn't complete either character’s actual character arc! Mm-mm.

NiNi

It doesn't pick up on the stuff that was going on up to episode 5, and then it also doesn't pick up on the stuff that they were doing in 6 and 7. So it doesn't follow either of the arcs that they were going with.

Twig

This is my point. You have to cut out all the shit it didn't pick up on [laughs] and then it's fine.

Ben

[laughs] You're gonna make it the five episode BL it should have been.

Twig

That’s what I’m saying!

NiNi

No. I'm sorry, even if you wanted to do that, I'm sorry, those lame ass kisses at the end? Forget about it.

Ben

NiNi! Rating.

NiNi

It was a 7 until this conversation, now it's a 6.

Ben

Twig-tea!

Twig

Yeah, I'm with you all, it’s a 6.

Ben

It's a 6 from The Conversation.

00:52:03 - Why The Queerness Matters

Ben

Both of these shows got less than a 7 from The Conversation, and the conversation about them is different. Love is Better the Second Time Around was actually so fucking good for the bulk of its run and then clearly jettisoned to go be something else instead. With Living With Him, it's very clear that they didn't know what to do with the amount of runtime they had. You can see this show falling apart in real time. This show was not it and it should have been. The potential was sky high and the show really let me down. It went from being a 10 to a 6. That is a terrifying fall. I don't think I've ever had such a turn with a show in my experience in BL.

NiNi

So, the thing about these two shows, why we ended up placing them together, aside from the fact that they started strong and flopped. The flop happened for both of these shows in trying to go for a flashback. Trying to go to time prior to the show to tell us… what, exactly? And I think that's the thing that really I'm taking away from this. If you're gonna do a flashback in a story, the flashback has to give you something, it has to mean something, it has to illuminate something. And for both of these shows, I do not feel illuminated by the flashback. I didn't feel like the flashback gave me either new information narratively or new information thematically and emotionally. I just feel like the flashbacks were there because they wanted to flash back to a different time for whatever reason, but there's no real reason in either of these stories for the flashback to exist.

Ben

It's because they're making the mistake of not recognizing what western M/M romance understands, that if you're going to break the characters up in a meaningful way, do it at the 60% mark.

Twig

I want to pick up what NiNi said, too. The flashback has to accomplish something and we should learn something from it, but also the character should have learned something since, and it should set us up for them to move their arcs forward in a way that makes sense from what we had before the flashback.

NiNi

Absolutely, yes.

Twig

In both of these cases, the flashback did not fill in the information to allow us to follow that character arc in any way that was meaningful or satisfying.

Ben

I'm not always keen on flashbacks in romance. I gotta be honest. The problem with romance flashbacks a lot of the time is, unless you're contextualizing something that the audience has picked up on the whole time, you're just retconning your show.

Twig

Yeah, I agree. For the most part. I think sometimes shows seem like their goal is to trick the audience and that most of the time should not be your goal except in very specific genre circumstances. Most of the time, your audience should be able to at least anticipate sort of what's coming-ish and be excited about it. The how and the why is the part that's interesting, not the, “Oh, you did something that you didn't tell me you were doing for the last however many hours of my life.” It shouldn't be a surprise.

NiNi

For me, that's not entirely it. I have enjoyed before a midstream flashback that tells me something brand new that I have to go back to the beginning and be like, “Oh a twist!” Like, I've enjoyed a twist flashback before. It's not even a question of that. It's a question of, the flashback has to have a purpose. It has to have a reason, it has to give me something, sooomething that I did not already know. Like I said, whether that's narrative, whether that's thematic or emotional, but it has to illuminate something new for me. It has to have a reason for being there. And I just feel in both of these cases the flashback had no reason for being there.

That said, I have enjoyed this episode. For many reasons.

Ben

It's because we dunked on Japan. That's it. [NiNi laughs] That's it.

NiNi

You can't even let me have the fun of saying it.

Ben

No, no, no. You don't get to have it. ‘Cause I love Japanese BL. This dunking is me trying to grab them by the shoulders, like James T Kirk grabbing people by the shoulders, and being like, “What are you doing? I need you to get it together. [laughs]

NiNi

I am enjoying this episode because sometimes I do feel sort of alone in my little “Eh, I'm not entirely feeling it” bubble on some of these Japanese shows, so it's nice to have company for a change, is what I was saying. I was not trying to shade you.

Ben

Here's the thing, let's unpack this. Japanese BL works for me the most often because their romance stories often track for something very specifically queer about them. All the Japanese BL that I constantly bring up on this show has romantic angst that also taps into my very specific concern as a queer critic. And that's particularly why I get frustrated when these shows fuck it up.

As Twig pointed out, Living With Him introduces a compulsory heterosexuality moment after the character has made the big emotional turn and recognized that he does want to remain close to his friend after he learns an important queer detail about him. That is a huge queer fuck up! The big fuck up with Love is Better the Second Time Around is, these guys went through the task of getting back together and trying to be open with each other and being vulnerable and kind of embarrassing with each other. When the homophobia rears its head again and is gonna separate them, the show does not reward us or the characters for the growth that they've been trying to achieve by letting them have that moment together to become a battle couple.

That's the real problem with it, ‘cause, like, in a normal fucking heterosexual romance, who gives a shit if the straights are gonna stay together? The whole world is going to help them stay together if they want to, or let them divorce if they don't. We're the only ones who're going to give a shit about each other when the boots come marching again. And so when I'm watching BL, I'm watching from the queer part, and when these shows fuck up on the queer part is when I turn against them so aggressively. That's why you’ve seen Japan not even catch strays this time. I'm sniping at them for these shows because this is not correct. [NiNi laughs]

This is the true fuck up. This is the crux of my disappointment here. They fucked up on the queer front, not on the romance part. I can take it or leave it on the romance part. Writing romance is not as easy as people think it is. People fuck that shit up all the time. But if you can do something that feels queer in a way that feels truly correct to me, I'll be very forgiving about some romance missteps. But both of these shows fucked up on the queer part of their romance arcs and I do not forgive that.

Twig

After they were doing so well, that's the part that hurts. They started getting the queer part so right and then got it so wrong.

Ben

I truly get you, why you don't always vibe with these shows, NiNi, because they're not always satisfying in that way as romance stories. I totally get you on that. But what always works for me in the shows that I want to advocate for when we get together is that these shows have a real kernel of queer truth that is worth connecting to and worth advocating for for people who want to engage with queer stories. It's why you and I were able to bond so strongly over I Told Sunset About You, I Promised You the Moon, and Bad Buddy. Those shows are satisfying romantically and also as queer cinema. The shows that we both love the most on here are very good at both of those things. But the queer part of their storytelling is non-negotiable for me in a genre about boys kissing each other.

NiNi

I hear you. I'm with you. This episode is gonna air right at the end of June. I think this is a great way—

Ben

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

NiNi

—for us to—

Ben

Oh yeah.

NiNi

—end Pride month.

Ben

Happy pride, bitches!

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

Because it is important to remember that among everything else, amongst all the love and romance in this genre, that this genre is a queer genre and the queerness matters.

Ben

Any final thoughts you'd like to share with the audience, Twig-tea?

Twig

I don't have anything to add. That was right. Correct! That's what I have to say to that.

NiNi

That is going to wrap us up on Second Rate Second Chance! Twig, thank you so much for being with us.

Twig

Thank you for having me.

NiNi

We will see you guys next time. Until then, we out. Say bye to the people, Twig.

Twig

Dispatch!

Ben

Dispatch!

NiNi

[laughs] Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

#ben and nini's conversations #podcast #the conversation #on art #lgbtq #bl series #japanese bl #summer series #summer 2024 #love is better the second time around #living with him #kare no iru seikatsu #koi wo suru nara nidome ga joto

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