#everyone's like 'oh yeah star wars HIGH canon like the movies (1-6) and then everything else is a tier bellow'

[comebackali]

my biggest beef with ahsoka (the character, not the hideouso show) is that her mere existence asks me to retcon something i have internalized as fundamental gospel truth, that is: the jedi apprentice series, padawans being 12 & younger, the preexisting canon that younglings get shipped off to the agricorps if they don't get chosen as a padawan by age 13 (which is CRAZY, but okay).

and in The Gospel According to Allie it goes JEDI APPRENTICE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE. including all the movies put together. like there is something SO UNIQUE and special about the book series you are obsessed with when you are still in the single digits. moreso than any movie you may watch on repeat (tpm). because unlike a movie, even if you watch it everyday, a book goes with you EVERYWHERE. this bitch your CONSTANT COMPANION. it's what you're reading on the playground and in the lunch line and secretly under the desk when ur supposed to be doing math worksheets and to and from the walk to school. so ahsoka showing up with her 14 year ass self being like, "maybe i am (too young to be a padawan), but master YODA thinks i'm not." gurl WHAT??? i simply cannot. you're asking me to choose between That Which Createth Me and someone who what?? some random girl?? who by virtue of merely existing retcons That Which Is Most Dear. of course i hate her. i hate her and she's done nothing. it's been 15+ years and i've NEVER been able to get over this.

[egg2k16]

Quotes from 12th grade

I forgot to upload these when I graduated, but here they are now!

8/28/17

2. Carlos "I'm giving up my health" 9/5/17 Mario "If we still here during lunch, we can sneak out!" Patricia "You want to sneak into class?"

9/18/17 2. Aliyah "It was hard" Morua "I know it was hard" Sabian "I know it was hard. I made it that way" 2. Brandon "My special need is aid"

10/3/17 6. Vicky "Valery, why is this such shit?" 10/4/17 3. David "Alright Mr. Morua I'll be right back" Class "MR. MORUA?!?!?!" David "Mr. Grana" 10/4/17 Karina "Deaf blind and very confused" Me "That should be the name of my biography" ~ Joselyne "If you're not a competitive person, then don't apply to competitive schools"

10/6/17 3. Luis "I was thinking about the cheese"

10/12/17 3. Me "Unchangeable and swole" Karina "You sound like a fuckboy trying to write a love poem" Me "Am I not a fuckboy trying to write a love poem?"

10/13/17 2. Me "A pity pizza, if you will" 2. Me "All those cans there look sexy" Karina "Your sexuality is those cans. How gay are you? See those cans?" Me "Yeah? Yeah"

10/13/17 4. Student "What movie is this, Captain America?" Students "Civil War" Student "But it's Captain America, right?" Students "Yes" Student "You could have just said so, damn" 10/14/17 Rafael "It's a butter knife, not a cutter knife!"

10/17/17 2. Morua "What are complement goods?" Carlos "Nutella" Morua "Nutella and what?" Me "Nutella and everything" Morua "Nutella and everything. You're not wrong, Valery"

2. Morua "You still have to pay taxes" Marcelo "Not if they don't know you're there"

11/7/17

3. Me “You think I'm not aware, yet what you don't know is that I'm increasingly aware every time I write an essay”

Grana “Ahh, it's almost like you're learning in school”

11/8/17

2. Morua “Disney stocks are very expensive. You would own the paperclip on the CEO’s desk.”

6. Vicky “Cortina”

Joselyne “Everything he says is ugly”

11/13/17

6. Regalado “Only positive stuff now”

Johnny “Oh, ok. Khan Academy is good.”

*silence*

*laughter*

6. Girl “I don't have time to take notes and I don't have time to draw!”

6. Me “It's a see-saw. It's a danger see-saw. Over a cliff. While it's on fire!”

6. Me “That's so pretty. Let's take a field trip to the Hagia Sophia”

Class “Mhmm”

6. Nathalie “I've never seen a Bible in my life”

6. Joselyne “Oh my God. He vored the Bible”

11/16/17

1. Mrs. Ski “Robert, are you still with us?”

Robert *almost asleep* “Yes”

11/20/17

2. Me “You know, that's your problem. You just hand out the tests and they’ll have to figure out what to do with it!”

Morua “You know what, Valery, you right”

11/27/17

6. Me “I like how the lady explaining the mandalas is a white lady”

11/30/17

3. Grana “You just rewrote a Hemingway novel!”

12/5/17

1. Ski “Bleeding hearts want to stop the dear-loving!”

2. Karina “I'm confused and concerned!”

6. Malo “This video is twenty long!”

12/7/17

?. “Don't blame me for your shitty immune system!”

12/11/17

2. Morua “Adulting waits for no one”

12/14/17

3. Rafael “The devil is his father!”

3. Andrea “I'm bullying myself!”

Lunch. Rafael “Oh that's right, I forgot! I'm mad at you too! You're all trash!”

Lunch. Lauryn “She said she liked dick.”

Me “DICK?”

Lauryn “Yes, exactly”

7. Rodriguez “When you're an adult you can make the decision of either moving back to Costa Rica or … Colombia?” “Yeah” “Yeah, I remember Costa Rica more because you're more emphatic when you talk about it. It's like the forgotten little dog”

12/19/17

2. Morua “Death taxes”

Brandon “There's a tax on dying?”

12/20/17

3. Grana “Oh yeah, if he was a cold stone killer. Stone cold. Hehe, ice cream!”

12/22/17

2. Me “What are we gonna do today?”

Joselyne “Nothing”

Morua “What's the phrase … comiendo mierda”

2. Karina “Kids are cool, but dogs are awesome”

?. “TRUST ME YOU NEED TO GO TO FUCKING COLLEGE”

1/16/18

2. Me “B E T !”

2. Morua *about Lord of the Flies* “And as the book continues, what happens?”

Me “Angry little boys”

2. Me “Just don't murder people. But if you do get murdered, then that's your fault”

Karina “Don't be a little bitch!”

2. Morua “The govt makes sure that your rights are protected”

Me “But are they?”

Karina “No they aren't”

Me “You right”

1/18/18

6. Malo “It's just France, except take out the nce”

6. Me “You can't have both, you bitch”

1/22/18

3. Grana “Do any of you recognize this band? (The Cure)”

Me “Are they … British boys?”

Grana “Yes they are British boys”

?. “I was prepared, just not for those questions”

5. Avila “Look at Carlos, making everyone look bad!”

Me “Wow, for the first time!”

Carlos “I know, right?!”

1/23/18

1. Andres “Who are you waiting for?”

Me “Jesus”

1/24/18

3. Karina “Ugh, English”

Me “You're a native English speaker!”

3. David “I love the murdering of families”

Carlos “You know, that's kinda hot”

Grana “At this point, nothing surprises me anymore”

3. Marla “He had the Dexter goods!”

5. Brandon “When you drive, you'll finally have a new perspective on life”

7. Rodriguez “I'm worried, I couldn't do that simple handshake. I wonder if I'm dying”

1/26/18

2. Joselyne “It's just ice, bro. Zane from Ninjago says this”

Me “Canon”

2. Morua “Let's say Agustin is talking in class. And I'm teaching the class and I hear talking behind me and I say, ‘Agustin, go to the office.’”

Agustin “That's just Mr. Sisak”

2. Morua “Robert, are you really living if the government protects you from Karina and the Mexicans?”

2. David “Wow, I can choose between Raul Castro or Castro, Raul”

2. Brianell “You can either choose Raul Castro or Raúl Cástro. One with an accent one without, and if you pick the one without, you die”

1/29/18

1. Samantha “Screw you and your detours”

3. Grana “Yeah, the pizza, pizza van hit him”

Carlos “Pizza pizza?”

Grana “Thanks for that, Carlos”

1/30/18

1. Me “I'm not a meanie”

Samantha “Yeah, she's not a wasp!”

1/31/18

3. Carlos “Did you get the goods?”

Me “Te pasaste la raya”

Carlos “Man shut yo mouth!”

Me “YOU shut your mouth!”

Class *ooo*

Grana “I'm gonna end it there on Valery’s victory”

3. Me “Your eyes don't grow, you grow into your eyes!”

3. Me “Are you still talking about your eyes?”

Kafruni “Is that why you need glasses?”

3. Me “He's a little bitch. You think a hardcore bitch would kill people who talk smack about them??”

3. Gio “You've heard of Atomic Blonde, now get ready for Hardcore Bitch”

2/2/18

Lunch. Joselyne and Me “various versions of Oscar Isaac came to my house”

2/5/18

1. Andrew “I'm a professional kayaker”

1. Andrew “Shut the fuck up, ugly. I'll leave you in the Everglades”

2. Me “What did we do last class?”

Karina “I'm the wrong person to ask that”

2. Isa “You got them ratchet-ass K Mart markers”

6. Khan “It's a phallus”

Me “I KNEW IT!”

Regalado “Obviously”

2/7/18

1. Ski “Quarter 3 is the toughest when it comes to grades, right Agustin?”

1. Ski “The little mosquito that could”

2. Morua “The last war the United States fought on US soil was the Civil War”

Karina “It's because we're smart”

Me “Are we?”

Karina “No”

Marcelo “It's cuz we have a moat”

Morua “Actually, two moats. Two big moats on either side with favorable countries on either side”

2/8/18

3. Tall “The tone is pessimistic and bleak, because that's how Poe is”

3. Gio “... Fortunado has the moral high ground”

Grana “Oh, so he's Obi Wan”

Me “ :D “

3. Me “It's over, Monstresor”

Grana “Ahh :D “

3. Me “Moral of the story is: There is no morality”

3. Grana “Yeah, it's like ‘Oh sorry man I stubbed your toe.’ ‘You're dead to me’”

5. Ivory “You're pregnant? Welcome to Chili’s!”

2/9/18

2. Me “It's okay. It's understandable. You're valid, Mr. Morua”

Morua “Thank you”

2. Karina “They're Other now”

Morua “Umm, we prefer Miscellaneous”

Me *dying from laughter*

Morua “Okay, it wasn't that funny, Valery”

Me “Let me laugh, Morua, damn”

2/2018

1. Me “It's a little bitch”

Sam “Yeah, but what kind of little bitch?”

2/23/18

2. Morua “Say hi, Kafruni”

Everyone “Say hi, Kafruni!”

3/7/18

6. Regalado “I wonder what they did in the medieval times with a solar eclipse”

Me “Johnny’s blind! Shit, that's the fifth one today!”

3/8/18

3. Me “Peacocks are just chickens. Any bird is a chicken if you try hard enough”

3. Grana “Peacocks, we know, are flamboyant chickens”

5. *Brandon just abandoned Brito*

Brito “I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WOULD BETRAY ME! WHY DID I TRUST YOU! EVERYONE ALWAYS LEAVES ME, MAN!”

3/9/18

1. Me “This is all your fault, Sebastian”

Sebastian “Okay”

6. Vicky “I have P.E. for sixth period”

3/12/18

7. D Rod “Lies, slander, and libel. Write that down, that I missed it”

3/19/18

1. Me “Drink up, bitch”

6. Regalado “Japan”

Diana “Oh, K-Cock?”

3/21/18

1. Sam “You're killing my vibes”

4/3/18

3. Mary “Did you finish the book?”

Rafael “Did I raise my hand?”

4/4/18

2. Morua “Now you guys can stalk Marco Rubio”

Sabian “We want you to stalk Marco Rubio!”

Morua “I'm not paid enough to stalk Marco Rubio”

Me “We'll pay you to stalk Marco Rubio!”

2. Morua “The average congressman is a white male -”

Me “Wow”

Morua “- and in their late 50s”

Me “I did not know this information at all before in my life”

Kafruni “Jaja, Valery”

2. Morua “This is our district”

Marcelo “Why is it like that. Why is it drawn like that. I disagree with our grouping”

4/5/18

3. Sebastian *about Norwegian Wood* “I kind of lost my train of thought during the interview, but it's cool”

4/6/18

6. Window *laughing but squeaking*

Nathalie “Window sounds like when you cleaning a window!”

6. Window “What happened?”

Me “You're laughing but you're squeaking so much you sound like when you're cleaning a glass window!”

Angelina *dying of laughter* “That's really good, Valery!”

4/8/18

7. Me *about the Star Trek vs Star Wars shirts* “I represented Star Wars. Are you proud of me?”

Rodriguez “Yes I am, my child”

Me “Oh my God, Patty, he finally recognizes me as his child!”

Rodriguez “I meant that in the spiritual sense”

Patty “You guys have a weird dynamic”

Me “But it works!”

Rodriguez *laughs*

Me “Sometimes a family can be a disgruntled 30-something year old man and an energetic 18 year old girl”

4/10/18

6. Regalado “It's a gradient of racism”

4/11/18

7. Rodriguez “Soon, a new Snapchat is gonna come out that will make the original Snapchat look old. What will happen to the last three years of your life?”

Isabella Ruiz “It'll be a fun time, it made me happy”

4/12/18

2. Morua “I don't get why this is so complicated. The exam is on the 24th. If you'd like, we can have a quiz in the days before about the days of the week”

4/13/18

~*Gradbash*~ After hours

Matthew “JUMANJI?????”

Capt Brianell “Matthew, I stick my 12 size foot up your ass!”

Brianell “Go the fuck to sleep!!!”

Rafael “Matthew, you turn on that light, you won't be able to see it!”

Karina “I love this sweater, man”

4/16/18

2. Agustín “Yo, can we all graduate together?”

Lunch. Rafael “Joselyne is my best friend”

Joselyne “What the fuck”

4/17/18

3. Gio “I don't know, I don't watch anime”

4/24/18

6. Regalado “The Bauhaus is a rejection of art nouveau”

Me “Is everything in art a rejection of something else?”

Regalado “Yes”

Hass “Hehehe”

6. Window looks at me

I look at window

Me “What?”

Window “What?”

Me “You were the one who looked at me first!”

Diana and Nathalie *laugh*

4/25/18

1. Shawn “Do I have to do para, par, pa, parisitm?”

Ski “Parasitism”

Shawn “That's exactly what I said”

1. Shawn “Dude, why is your example so long? An example is like, an example”

1. Shawn “What are you talking about? If the Earth wasn't sustainable, we wouldn't be here right now”

4/26/18

2. Morua “The President is Chief Citizen, the most well-known citizen of the United States, which we know… is a lie”

5/1/18

3. Karina “When you call us up, are you going to show us our essays-?”

Grana “Your Oscar Wao essay”

Cortina “Oh man”

5/2/18

2. Morua “I can't just fire Valery because I don't like her hair. Valery is incompetent at her job… plus her hair is dumb”

6. Regalado “It'd be a Venus, but since it's era, you have to put the Greek one”

Window “Jesus Christ”

Regalado “No, Jesus isn't there yet”

5/4/18

2. Morua “Writing papers is so easy yet you guys are always, uggggghhhhhh”

Me “It's because we like to write, we just don't like to write for school”

Jethro “Not everyone writes, Valery”

2. Karina “This is too much adult conversation, I'm gonna throw up”

5/7/18

1. Sebastian “Cadmium yellow!”

Vicky “Did you search up ‘Bob Ross yellow’?”

Sebastian “No, I put in ‘yellow Bob Ross’!”

5/11/18

3. Me “Would I lie to you about the X Men?”

Carlos “OOOHHH!!!”

5/16/18

4. Jose Diaz “What's a weaboo?”

Me “You don't wanna know”

Student “OOOHHH!!!”

6. Vicky, crying, mouth full “I love eating”

5/21/18

1. Shawn “You guys don't know how to take care of a child at all”

1. Andrew “What is this, a parent-teacher conference?”

5/24/18

3. Carlos “Hey Mr. Grana, for the playlist project-”

*Grana plays music*

Carlos “- Oh shit”

5/29/18

3. Marla “I love this song!” (Best Part by Daniel Caesar)

Carlos “What is this?”

Marla “Shut up, Soundcloud rapper”

Everyone “OOOHHHH”

5/30/18

?. “No cabrón, esto es un auto de última generación”

6/1/18

2. Joselyne “Today is Tom Holland’s birthday”

Me “Wow, and on the first day of Pride Month. Hmmm”

Joselyne “Hmmm!!!”

6. Me “You will get to mine, right?”

Morua “Yes”

Me “Awesome, thank you, my mom loves you!”

Matthew “That's what you always want to hear. My mom loves you”

6. Steven “Wait, do you want me to sign it?”

Me “Of course, that's why I put it there!”

Steven “I was so confused, you didn't pass it along!”

Me “Did I put it there for decoration? I put it there for a purpose!”

Steven “I got you, I gotchu”

[captainderyn]

On Wulfwryn

Thank you for indulging me and my LOTR feels @lumielles lmao. I really hope you weren’t looking for a nuanced character. 

So three things about Wulf...

1) She was my second big step into fanfiction and OCs (the first being Percy Jackson) back in middle school/freshman year of high school. By the former she was shifting to the Wren we know today--with Wren as she is now shifting in full around last year. (oh god that’s a long time ago it’s been like four years yike). 

2) As such it’s rather cringey. Bear with me. 

3) Just as Wulfwryn is the original Wren--who isn’t similar by any means--the original Baraneth also finds her roots in LOTR. 

Okay, here we go. I’m doing this from memory since a lot of Wulfwryn’s bio is in the notes of an old, broken phone. 

Wulfwryn Gavardis was originally from Rohan, born to a farming family. For really stereotypical reasons she left when she was oh..18 (an incredibly mature age to my middle school self. Well...) because she thought there was something more to life than what their position in Rohan would offer her. So she took her horse (and closest companion) Aodhan and struck out on her own. 

It went as well as you’d imagine. She had no idea what she was doing, she was armed only with a bow, a sword, and a cloak. Following maps she had pilfered off her father’s desk she found her way to Bree. In Bree she met Aragorn and he ended up taking her under his wing after seeing she was a complete and utter dumbass. 

(If you’re imaging Wren but in ranger clothing with a horse then take about 7 steps back to where your left without Wren’s poise and elegance and instead left with her snark and a reckless nature. That’s Wulfwryn). 

((If you’re imagining snark with Wren’s current looks..you aren’t too far off. Take away all elegant fashion, stick a heavier scottish based accent on, sprinkle some more freckles and that’s Wulfwryn.)

Between then and the War of the Ring is really boring and cliche--she and Aragorn became friends, she broke the canon tagging along on some things and learning how to be a ranger. There are two versions of what happens with the Fellowship--one where she’s there for the start and one where she was on some Ranger Business I can’t remember and met up with everyone at Rivendell. The plot plays out essentially the same, Wulf ends up going to Rohan with Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli and not with the hobbits. Yes she’s essentially a 10th Walker as they were called at the time, but you know what, I really loved her. 

**She was mostly based in Movie!verse as the books were (and still are) a LOT of info to write with. I spent many hours pouring over the timeline in the back of RotK making her ages and stuff fit and figuring out years for everything. 

Typical of angsty middle schoolers she didn’t get along with Eowyn and got hurt a few times, I think I killed her off in a AU once before I reached the point I am at today where everyone gets a happy ending or So Help Me. 

However, after the War for the Ring she actually get’s some character! She becomes the Captain of the Royal Guard for Aragorn/King Elessar as the other guy did actually kick the bucket during the big battle and she was a trusted ally. There she found her place and settled into a leadership role and within a few months she and her guardsmen were closer than blood family. I had a whole list of headcanons for them that are on said old phone. At this point the old horse Aodhan was still kicking around, and I never let anyone forget about their Friendship. 

I joke, but I actually really liked her in the role of Captain, it fit her very nicely and was super fun to play with. So eventually in her story she gets married and has a daughter--Baraneth!--who really brings her down to earth and marks the spitfire woman’s mellowing out. Cliche, I know. 

(If your thinking of Baraneth as she is now--throw that out the window. The only similar thing between Baraneth Gavardis and Baraneth Cousland is the blue eyes. Bara then was a curly dark haired, scholarly polar opposite of her mother)

So the years go on and I know for a fact that in Wren’s canon storyline she was killed at 30 in a border skirmish because god dammit middle school me why you so angsty? And that was that. It was very sad. Her guardsmen lit candles for her every anniversary of the day she was felled. Aodhan the trust apparently immortal war steed became Bara’s. And that’s all I remember. 

Wait no, I do remember something else, I shipped Baraneth and Eldarion (ughhhh you know, prince of Gondor, Aragorn and Arwen’s firstborn? I don’t have any issue with shipping canon characters or writing LOTR anything I was just so very, very poor at character nuancing and shipping back then). 

To make up for what I really hope wasn’t high expectations (I should’ve clarified she was OLD yikes) have some really cringe-y, 6+ year old writing):

“Wulfwryn.” at the sound of her name, she turned her head to see that Aragorn had fallen into step beside her, looking grim and determined. He looked as though he were going to say something important, and Wulfwryn took a wild guess at what it would be.

“Don’t do anything stupid?”

“Exactly.”

Wulfwryn snorted, shaking her head. “I could have sworn you knew that I dont do stupid stuff on purpose! It just happens!”

--

“No, it was nothing you said.” Aragorn placated as he read her expression. “You need not be so careful in your speech Wulfwryn. Our friendship has not wavered simply because I wear a crown upon my brow.”

Wulfwryn nodded quietly, redirecting the conversation. “Why did you come? I assume it was not just to talk?”

Aragorn hesitated for a second. “Not exactly, it is to talk, just not in idleness. I do have something to ask of the utmost importance.”

“And that would be?” Wulfwryn pressed, curiosity getting the best of her.

“Since Beregond had to be dismissed from the position of captain for his treason against the city, no matter how well intended, the position is left open. I was hoping that you would stay in Gondor and become the captain of the guard.”

Wulfwryn froze, eyes widened comically as she thought this over.

---

And a more recent throwback, but heh there was a time when Wulfwryn was a rogue/turned Jedi and she and Emeldir were a thing. When I was shifting her to the main Star Wars-verse. That didn’t last long. I’ll let the idea of anyone other than Risha with Emeldir. ICK. 

Taken off guard, Wulfwryn turned back, coming face to face with Emeldir now that she was standing. They were close enough so that Emeldir could see the faint splattering of freckles across her nose. “There’s plenty left to talk about. Such as where we stand if the Death Star isn’t open for discussion.” She tilted her head, eyes narrowing slightly.

“And where exactly do we stand?” she asked.

“Well,” Emeldir drawled. “That depends. Remember our missions in the Clone Wars?”

The corners of Wulfwryn’s lips turned up. “Yeah, back when you had a credit bounty the size of Coruscant on your head.” She drew back a half step when Emeldir tugged mischievously at a curl where her padawan braid used to be.

“And you still had that jedi braid in your hair, silly thing that was.” His eyebrow went up as Wren’s hand came over his, pulling it away from her hair and staying there.

“It wasn’t silly.” she defended before switching topics. “But you were quite the charmer, you nearly won me over.”

Emeldir smirked slyly. “I could still win you over.”

“You might be able to.” Wulfwryn said coyly, her voice low.

[corellianangel]

Fan Review: Solo: A Star Wars Story

May contain minor/some spoilers after the cut.

I suspect that Solo: A Star Wars Story might be a bit like its title character. A bit rough at the start, maybe shady, pretty good-looking, and definitely out to get your money. But, as it goes on, it becomes more and more apparent how good and truly nostalgic and lovable it is.

This is a film that “nobody wanted.” Which means...what? I wanted it. When I saw Star Wars ANH, I wanted to know all about that cool Solo guy. And finally, 41 years later, I got my wish. And yeah… I’m mostly happy. After Last Jedi, I was pretty much done with the franchise, so it’s not like I went in with high hopes.

Solo is a relatively low stakes reprieve from the “we must save the world/galaxy/universe” all-or-nothing epic trope that has plagued us for the last few years. This is an adventure, a coming of age, and a western heist. Stakes are high, but only for the characters you are relating with onscreen, making it a curious addition to this year’s blockbusters.

Make no mistake; This is a love-letter to original trilogy Star Wars fans. It’s Han Solo in an Indiana Jones style adventure ( and what could be more fun than that).

4 out of 5 stars.

The first minute of Solo is exactly how a movie about the titular character should begin. But then it immediately lags, then even more so under ill-paced exposition. As soon Han goes solo though, it gains momentum. Then a short few minutes later as Woody Harrelson appears, things get rolling outright.

Alden Ehrenreich takes a bit of time to slide into Han’s scuffed boots, both onscreen and in our fan hearts. But when he does, it works wonderfully. He’s not the sexy gruff cynic Harrison Ford portrayed. No, he’s a “Kid,” who's got dreams. He’s a romantic. He’s wide-eyed, immature, and even petulant at times. But like Harrison’s portrayal, he’s arrogant, talented, goofy, jealous, easily embarrassed and will gladly spin a terrible lie. And oh yes… he can turn it on. Not at first, no… that’s really awkward ( more on that with Emilia). He’s not Harrison Ford by a long shot, but when given the chance later in the film, he makes a scene his own, and it’s HOT.

Unfortunately though, Alden is easily five inches shorter than 6’ 1” Harrison. And it’s glaringly obvious (especially to me, as I am quite a tall person). Sadly, Alden’s 1” platform 2”+ heel boots can only add so much. Otherwise, I’m satisfied with his portrayal. Alden’s a great actor, he had huge boots to fill, and I think he’s really been treated unfairly by the fans. Give the kid a chance, he might win you over.

Donald Glover IS Lando Calrissian though.  He’s sexy, sauve and even a bit silly ( in all the right ways… make no mistake).  I daresay Mr.Glover has taken Billy Dee William’s place in my heart as the epitome of Lando. Whether he’s coming on to Han, or Qi’ra or some unspecified alien species, he’s a pansexual on the level of Oberyn Martell from Game of Thrones. An arrogant playboy badass, who loves all the finest things. He is willing to enjoy everything life has to offer, and why not? It’s hard not to love him as a result. Lando movie, anyone?

Tobias Beckett is everything Han wants to be. Beckett is also in love with fellow crook Val, and his attachment to her is cemented firmly in a couple of scenes, which unlike the Han/Qi’ra scenes–have great chemistry. And Woody Harrelson’s portrayal of yet another grizzled mentor is stunning. I found him much more appealing than Harrelson’s equivalent character from Hunger Games. Though the mantel is starting to wear. Don’t get me wrong. I adore Woody Harrelson. His being in this film gave me a reason to think I might just like it. I’m just not sure I want to see him as yet another badass mentor after this.

When Thandie Newton appeared in Beloved back in 1998, I was an instant fan. I’d seen her before in a few other flicks, but she blew that one out of the water as the title character. Since then she had worked steadily in a number of critically acclaimed roles. I was absolutely thrilled to see her in this as Val. And utterly heartbroken that she was totally underused. When Val is onscreen, she overshadows everyone else, even Beckett. It’s a shame we don’t see more of her than we do. Boo!

Emilia Clarke as Qi’ra…Hmm.  She’s cute, charming, and tries her hand at swordplay here. But honestly, the Queen of Dragons is a poor fit. The original casting call was for anything other than yet another white brunette. And with amazing ladies like Tessa Thompson in the running, why oh why did we end up with Emilia? If not racism (God, I hope not); Ang’s answer: Think $$$, from Game of Thrones fans in theatre seats. I can think of no other reason. Her chemistry with Alden is tepid at best ( and any of that comes much, much later). I feel bad for Emilia here. I think she was miscast, and that tarnish will always stay with the fans. ( P.s. : the three adult heterosexual males I watched the movie with, were over-the-moon smitten with her. To each his own. I guess…)

On to the non-humans...

Joonas Suotamo as Chewbacca is physically brilliant. He’s stolen my heart as Chewie from the lovely Peter Mayhew (sorry Pete) over the last three movies. But honestly, we discover nothing new about Chewbacca in this. Zero. It’s rather unfortunate. I wish I could say more. But we learn more about Chewie in episode three than this. A missed opportunity. Sorry Chewie. For some reason Disney put your character in the doghouse here.

L3-37 is another definite weak spot in Solo. We have a snarky female droid (yay!) as a droid-rights advocate (cool!).  But it’s so completely overwrought. Only Lando’s constant eye rolls save this character from being as ridiculous as Jar Jar Binks. Which is another shame, because I felt she fills in the current canon equivalent of Lando’s copilot droid Vuffi Raa, from the EU/Legends novels from waaay back in the 1980’s, (interestingly they are both pilots, are both self-aware droids and have vaguely parallel fates) Some editing issues arise as far as L3′s character is concerned too. She’ll be leaning, casually watching,  while droids are being slaughtered in front of her, but only interferes with other robots later in the same scene? Why?? Were the first dead droids not good enough for her to save? It’s inconsistent, poor editing; and that really hurts the character. Sorry Phoebe Waller-Bridge, you did great job with what you had. I’m not sure that the script/editing was as good as you deserved.

The spaceship the Millennium Falcon is 100% a full character in this too. Without giving too much away, she represents her pilots as they sit at the helm. She’s treated with more respect - reverence even -  in this, than any other film. And I can say this is her movie as much as it is Han’s. Millennium Falcon fans, you are in for a treat!

And the bad guys...or one guy anyways....

Paul Bettany is chilling and utterly convincing as the gangster Dryden Vos. He also has much better chemistry with Qi’ra than Han.  I’m fairly certain this is mainly due to Paul’s astonishing acting ability.  He first came to my attention as the title character in the darkly funny UK crime film Gangster No.1. I was floored by him then and he’s still blowing me away, even as the rather challenging character Vision in the MCU. Bettany does not disappoint in Solo either. He took over this role with zero preparation, with the weight of replacing another respected actor at the last minute in an extremely troubled production. And the optics of having a white European actor taking over from an African-american are...ermm...not the best. He pulls it off, though. But I can’t help but wonder what Michael K Williams would have brought to the role. Vos is a soulless psychopath under Bettany, not unlike his character in Gangster No.1.  Would Williams have brought the tragic–almost romantic deep spirit and inner strength he brought to his gangster Chalky White in Boardwalk Empire to Vos instead? It’s rather sad we will never know.

I don’t think I can say much else about the other antagonist(s) without spoiling a bunch. But let’s just say...wow! Well done! Surprises and fan service all around!

There is something missing here too. We never see Han as an imperial pilot. Nor the promised Shakespeare-inspired comedic comic book characters that Ron Howard teased last fall.  These gems may be reserved for DVD releases, but I feel Han’s missing academy stint is definitely a gap in this story. And the movie lacks because of it.

Importantly, I do recommend seeing this in IMAX 2D as it is a very dark and muted film.

The usual amazing, special effects, costumes and sets we’ve come to expect from the Star Wars film franchise are all present here.  The styling is different from the previous films, as it takes place about halfway between Episode Three and Rogue One.  It’s neat to see the evolution of the Empire’s gear. 

And the easter eggs are everywhere; prequels, Rebels, Clone Wars, Star Tours ( the Disney Park ride), the comic books from the 1970′s and 80′s, the EU/Legends Han Solo novels by Brian Daley, the Lando Calrissian novels from the same era are especially referenced numerous times. Even the Indiana Jones franchise gets a significantly placed nod.

To say the least, the fan-service is strong with this one.

But not the Force. Not at all. None of that simple tricks and nonsense here at all.

Because I’m a pretty hard-core fan, I pre-bought two showings on initial release. The first time I saw Solo, I was unsure if I actually liked it, but it seemed to be a decent film.  The second viewing ( the same night) was an absolute joy. Times three and four were with different groups of adults, and they all had a blast. Five was with a group of 13 year old girls, and they all enjoyed it too.

So let’s call my rating of Solo then, 4 out of 5 stars. 

Honestly I don’t get the backlash against it.  Don’t take your Last Jedi hate out on this. It’s a fun ride with decent jokes and no space-boob-milk monsters—honest!

And if you think Solo offers nothing different, new, or imaginative. You are 99% correct...Remember, we got that full package of “different and innovative” in Last Jedi. If that’s your schtick, watch that one instead then.

Oh, and one more thing- that 1%?... two words:

Shower scene.

[princesstadashi]

Get to know me tag

Tagged by @princess-kidatheart17​

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

1. Drink: Mountain Dew (although I’m trying to cut down on it ‘cause I know it’s hurting my teeth... ^^;) 2. Phone call: NYOPE BYEEEEEEEE 3. Text message: Better than call, but still not great.  4. Song you listen to: “If I Die Young” (there’s a cover I love done by a guy but it was in an AMV and no source to the artist so I don’t know who sang it :() 5. Time you cried: Most days.

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Had a couple dates about two years ago but for the most part no reciprocated romance </3 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed anyone.

8. Been cheated on: Nope.

9. Lost someone special: No one has ever died IRL that I’m close to, but I’ve had some people move away/move on that have been hard. Now if we’re talking fictional characters? ...I AM RIDING THE DENIAL TRAIN FAAAARRRR AWAY. 10. Been depressed: There’s an option other than being depressed? 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No drinking for me with all my mental illnesses.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: White, pink, charcoal grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yeah, lots of awesome new tumblr friends this year! :D 16. Fallen out of love: It’s... Complicated. 17. Laughed until you cried: Oh yes, just last night XD 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Apparently the kids in my high school had rumors that i was gay. Joke’s on you guys, I actually AM gay and I can’t wait to see their faces at the reunion when I hopefully walk in with a girl on my arm XD 19. Met someone who changed you: Yes, my best friend <3 20. Found out who your friends are: Yeah 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: No kissing for me so far :P

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost everyone--have a couple people from cosplay groups, but I don’t usually add strangers. 23. Do you have any pets: Sadly no, not right now. I want a cat! 24. Do you want to change your name: Sometimes I wish people IRL would call me Dashi. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Day of I worked, but my bro took me out to the mall the Sunday after and my birth parents took me to see Cars 3 the weekend before so that was nice. 26. What time do you wake up: If I’m on vacation/weekends, if I can I’ll stay up ‘til 4:00 am and sleep in until 2-2:30 pm XD 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Crying about having to go home... 28. Name something you can’t wait for: For me and my best friend actually to live in the same state and hopefully have an apartment together! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Last week for my adopted mom and a couple weeks ago for my birth mom (which I’m not complaining about on the latter...) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Main one is private, but maybe that all my online friends actually lived close to me? 31. What are you listening to right now: My best friend playing Disney Infinity 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I had a teacher named Coach Thomas, if that counts! 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: When I go out of my way to be noncontroversial/spare other people’s feelings to be nice and then people don’t extend me the same courtesy. (Especially when it come to ships.) 34. Most visited website: Deviant Art or Tumblr ^^

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: Lots, but most noticeably one below my nose on the right side and one by my left ear (I worry that they might end up being cancerous so they might eventually have to be removed, yikes...) 36. Mark/s: A weird bump on my scalp, some old *trigger warning* self harm scars that show up when I tan too much 37. Childhood dream: Be a cowgirl (after seeing Toy Story 2), to run a bed and breakfast, or to be a mermaid (would still love that one <3), to publish a book (still working on that!!!) 38. Hair color: Dark blonde, almost brown 39. Long or short hair: Really freaking long. (Down to my waist, but I definitely want it longer!) 40. Do you have a crush on someone: My romance life is a hot mess, let’s not go there. 41. What do you like about yourself: I’m really good at writing and doing arts and crafts stuff. :) I also like that I’m apparently a pretty good listener ^^. 42. Piercings: Naw, I’m scared of needles ^^;  43. Blood type: O- (I think--I just know that I’m the universal donor!) 44. Nickname: Dashi/Nii-chan/Oneesan/Mein Schwester  45. Relationship status: Very much single with no real prospects.  46. Zodiac: Cancer 47. Pronouns: She/Her, but I’m genderfluid so I’m cool with They/Them or He/Him ^^ 48. Favorite TV Show: Oh man, too many to choose from! XD Star Wars Rebels come to mind for cartoons, and I also love Glee and Parks & Rec for live action shows!

49. Tattoos: None at present. I’d love to have Tadashi tattooed on my back and possibly a Baymax or Hiro on my right ankle ^^ 50. Right or left hand: Right. 51. Surgery: None, and terrified of anesthesia so hopefully none for a good long while... 52. Hair dyed in different color: Never permanent dye (sprayed it a couple times for Halloween as a kid), and I’ve considered long and pink or a boy-short chop and dying it black, but I like my hair the way it is for the most part so I just use lots of wigs for now XD 53. Sport: NOOOO. I mean, I did ice skating for a bit in 6th grade and it was fun, but other than that I absolutely hate them, watching or participating >.< 55. Vacation: Going to see my best friend, of course! And anywhere Disney! Me and the best friend want to visit all the Disney Parks at some point so there’s that! (I would also love to go to England someday!) 56. Pair of trainers: I’m assuming this means the U.S. word “sneakers”? I personally love high tops but only ever owned one pair and they’ve not particularly practical. ^^; Same thing goes for boots (my favorite type of footwear, although I only have, like, one pair that are pretty beat up at this point.) So usually I wear my really comfy plain black work sneakers if I want to be comfortable ^^

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Nothing right now, but possibly some chips and french onion dip in a bit 58. Drinking: Sparkling lemonade 59. I’m about to: Get food, probably XD 61. Waiting for: My life to sort itself the fuck out  62. Want: Same as above. Fredashi and Hezra being canon would also be awesome. More realistically? To finish my book and maybe be lucky enough for it to be mildly successful. 63. Get married: Probably not unless things sort themselves out :/ 64. Career: Someday hopefully a librarian and an author

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Probably hugs since I love cuddling but I’ve never kissed anyone so no real experience to go on. 66. Lips or eyes: Definitely eyes! 67. Shorter or taller: I like being short-ish for the most part--most of my friends are taller than me, but it is fun meeting people who are actually shorter than me XD 68. Older or younger: Probably older? Most of my friends are older than me ^^ 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice stomach, maybe? TBH I have some body image issues/*trigger warning*mild anorexia so I try not to put too much focus on my physical appearance 71. Sensitive or loud: EXTREMELY sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship, definitely. (I’m ace, so no hooking up for me ^^;) 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Very much hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: NOPE. 75. Drank hard liquor: DOUBLE NOPE. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes, and also broken glasses. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah ^^; 78. Sex on the first date: Nope, I’m ace so none for me 79. Broken someone’s heart: I hope not, and if so, I’m very sorry!!! 80. Had your heart broken: Yep. 81. Been arrested: No, and I pray it never happens to me! (If I did, it wold probably be for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, I try to avoid doing anything even remotely illegal ^^;) 82. Cried when someone died: Yeah, I cry about everyone and everything, IRL or fictional 83. Fallen for a friend: Yep....

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Sometimes yes, sometimes no. 85. Miracles: I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for a whole bunch of miracles, so hell yeah. 86. Love at first sight: I believe in attraction at first sight, but I really think you need to get to know someone in order to truly be in love with them. 87. Santa Claus: I was brought up not believing in him, but I would love for him to be real <3 88. Kiss on the first date: Definitely not for me, a kiss is something very sacred to me. But if that’s your thing, go for it!!!

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: KingdomHeartsLover! 91. Eye color: Bluish/Greenish, depends on what I’m wearing/lighting 92. Favorite movie: BIG HERO 6, you guys should know this XD

((Randomly doing this while on vacation for fun, but I probably won’t actually be on until Thursday--see you guys then!))