#except the bonkers heart rate

[korrasamibottles]

I just reread the space between heartbeats and I suddenly need you to tell me everything about it! What gave you the idea for all the story beats and details???

Thank you so much for asking (and for re-reading?? Such an amazing compliment wow)!! I'm still completely floored by how sweet everyone has been about this fic....I wrote it from the heart so the positivity really means a lot😭 Also sorry this got so long oh my god lol.

Before I even started writing, I knew I wanted to come at the whole thing from Mako's perspective. He's such a complicated and fascinating character to me, and there's so much potential to explore how the trauma of witnessing his parents' murder and the depersonalization of having to be brother-father-protector-provider to a younger sibling while also still a child led to him being SO detached from his own wants and needs and feelings, and so used to thinking of himself as a tool rather than a person, that if somebody asked him point blank what he wanted his head would pop.

But maybe...after spending a lot of time around somebody who isn't afraid to openly want things and ask for them....Mako could start thinking about what HE wants, so that when somebody finally does ask him he's able to untangle his feelings enough to actually put them into words.....?

Mako's character has such a strong presence and I didn't want Wu to feel flat in comparison, or for it to seem like he was only there to further Mako's development, so I decided to give Wu the benefit of having the setting be all about him.

This also gave me an opening to show how Mako's influence could give Wu the push he needed to shake off the spoiled prince persona and become the more mature, compassionate man he always had the potential to be. We saw the beginnings of that in the show and in Ruins of the Empire, and I like to think they'll continue on that trajectory even though I'm not getting my hopes up for any wuko crumbs whatsoever in the Mako solo comic.

(Everyone already knows this because I never shut up about it, but what makes me so bonkers about wuko is the potential for them to bring out the best in each other. That kind of dynamic is fucking gold to me.)

Anyway. Once I had the POV and setting figured out, I had to give Mako a reason to be there, and I thought, well, he hasn't yet reached the point where he's able to admit he has feelings for Wu (even inside his own head) so the pretext of him deciding he had to keep Wu alive to protect the fragile democratization process felt right and seemed plausible.

The first two scenes came together from a few lines I poached from an unfinished korrasami wip....

"That's not–I'm not–we're just colleagues, Asami," he splutters convincingly.

"Yeah? So everyone at the precinct just hand-feeds each other moon peach slices in the morning, then? That's standard 'colleague' behavior?"

"Asami–"

"And right at the breakfast table," she whispers dramatically, shaking her head in mock disapproval and relishing how the blush has spread from his ears down his neck. "We all saw you practically purring into his hands, Mako. Like a damn octocat."

....and this bit of dialogue from the closet scene

“What kind of closet locks from the inside!?”

“You tell me! You grew up here!”

“Not in this closet!”

I turned the peach lines into a whole scene because I loved the idea of Wu being like "teehee I am getting him to try something new and fun" meanwhile Mako's like 3 seconds away from just snapping and sucking on Wu's fingers. Except it's rated T so. You know. Gotta be more subtle about it lol.

As for the closet dialogue....I'm a simple woman and I will never ever get tired of closet-themed jokes and accidents. My personal headcanon re: Wu's sexuality is that it was kind of like an open secret among the royal family. Like he'd flirt with women in public just to keep up appearances but really, everyone knew. Hence the "not in this closet!" line. To be clear, I don't think the royal family was ok with it, and I'm sure he suffered for it, but in this fic I positioned him further along in his own self-acceptance journey than Mako.

The next scene didn't unfold as easily, and I really, really struggled with it. Mako was a bit of a ticking time bomb by this point in the story–the tension had been rising for a while, and I knew it had to break eventually, but I wanted it to break in the right way.

I wrote several different versions, but every time the dialogue got away from me and it always ended the same way: with them getting into an actual argument and Mako storming out the door. And that was Not the vibe I was going for. I wanted more of an "oh fuck" moment rather than a "this guy is pissing me off and I have to get out of here" one. Mako has a tendency to get snappy in emotional situations, and that combined with him being an acts-of-service kind of person made the "it's my job to worry about you!" line finally click into place.

Deep down, Mako knows he's more than just a bodyguard to Wu, he knows how Wu feels about him, but he can't let himself really think about it. Because if he's more than his work, more than just a tool to be used, if Wu wants him around simply because he enjoys his company and not because Mako is providing a service, then that means Mako's entire sense of self is built on a lie. That's a terrifying realization, with or without the added element of internalized homophobia (and I had to add it. For maximum angst.)

I knew I wanted the fic to end with Mako realizing that the way he'd been operating simply wasn't healthy or sustainable, followed by a dramatic confession of feelings, but how to get there? Well why not invent a weird old bug woman. I thought a sort of grandmotherly figure might be somebody Mako would take seriously, and also I selfishly just wanted a woman in the story lol.

I honestly don't know where the ant spiral idea came from–maybe it's something I learned about as a kid that's been haunting the crevices of my brain for years. But it felt like an interesting way to symbolize how Mako was on a self-destructive path of repeating the same harmful behaviors over and over. If he kept depriving himself of meaningful connections, never stepped outside his comfort zone, continued avoiding learning how to process his emotions, and kept letting his fear and his pain decide what he was and wasn't allowed to want, he'd only keep inadvertently hurting himself and the people he cares about. That sort of thing. But he's stubborn, and needed to figure it out himself, so I let Qin Li give him the pieces (dare I say peaches?) so he could put it all together.

The final scene was written in its entirety at the auto shop, because apparently that's where my muse lives. Great place to write, can't recommend broken cars highly enough. Anyway, I wanted his eventual admission to feel like removing a giant splinter, which is to say: extremely painful and strained, but a huge relief once it's out. Difficult as it was, he needed to actually verbalize that shit not only for himself but also because it wouldn't have been fair for Wu to have to be in a relationship with somebody who couldn't even admit the feelings were real. And of course I had to have Wu jump into his arms at some point. Couldn't resist :)

One other thing I just thought about (and can't figure where to put it in this post, so I guess I'll just stick it here) is that I had fun giving both of them weird little quirks. Like Mako being an anxious/compulsive skin picker and Wu being fidgety and refusing to wear his glasses.

OH YEAH ONE MORE THING. Mako yanking on the doorknob in the closet was 100% a euphemism. For something.

[cipheramnesia]

I watched my first horror movie tonight since i was a teenager in the 90's. Back then i mostly giggled through Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer with friends. Then life happened and i sort-of stopped watching things in general. Anyway, I'm now finding myself on months of bedrest and am watching things to pass the time and decided I'd watch a movie tonight and picked horror just to see if i even like horror. I caught The Pope's Exorcist and actually really enjoyed it, which is delightful! It kept me on the edge of my seat and in suspense and i know my heart was racing at times. So I figure enjoying that one gives me a starting point in the genre, and i was wondering if you might be able to suggest others based off my liking that one? I picked it based off rotton tomato critic and audience ratings. Not because i care heavily about such things, but it made it a logical place to start of what's new. I'm not catholic so i don't care about religion based horror but I'm not opposed to it. I don't like jumpscares. Learned that from Sixth Sense and 12 years on tumblr. Oh! I've also recently seen Renfield, though none of the dracula movies that follow the books. I don't really count Renfield as horror in this regard because it's comedy horror and more funny than scary. Kind of like how i found 90's horror. Though that might have been just as much me being a punk ass kid trying to look brave with my friends. Who knows. It was a long time ago. Anyway, do you have any suggestions? Old or new doesn't matter. I'm bored and mostly stuck in bed. Thank you for your time!

I haven't seen The Pope's Exorcist so I had to search it up - exorcism movies don't do a lot for me, but The Taking of Deborah Logan and Daniel Isn't Real are perennial recommendations which I think would sync up with possession movies. Deborah Logan is kind of divisive with how it treats Alzheimer's and dementia - for me it resonated with my experiences and felt like a sensitive exploration of the topic for horror, but it can also reas the opposite way.

Hellbender and The Deeper You Dig are some fantastic work by a team of independent filmmakers who are also a family. They all act and direct and write together in upstate New York and have astonishing talent. A magnificent illustration of why seeking work by independent artists is such a good idea.

I just watched Ghost Crew, a weird little low budget Scottish movie that I won't say too much about except that it starts out as slightly cringe-comedy faux documentary and grows into a lot more. Zombie For Sale is an adorable Korean romantic comedy zombie movie I had a fun time watching. The Dark (2018) also very intriguing movie, basically victims of abuse getting revenge but one of them is a revenant.

Jamie Marks Is Dead is a queer ghost story that made me cry, everyone should watch it. Also in the sweet romantic category is Attachement, a Jewish and queer horror. It's written and directed by a Jewish person and to my experience felt very true to life. My personal reading of it was a kind of metaphor about how Judaism can be carried forward in different ways everywhere from generational to academically to people who convert. It's another one that I think could be read different, but the positive reading works better for me.

A Wounded Fawn is just bonkers surreal, I can't describe it exactly but it's about a serial killer who gets in deep with some very hallucinatory shit. Related, but Vicious Fun is exactly what it says on the tin. Very fun silly stuff. He's Watching is imho one of the most terrifying found footage movies ever. All found footage movies use a lot of pretty common and consistent tricks of limited light and limited perspective, but He's Watching fucks with the sense of reality by constantly obfuscating who or what is recording, where the line between real and film is blurred.

Babysitter Wanted is also a fun twist on the satanic panic trope. Also similar in that vein, Anything For Jackson is pretty neat. And while I'm thinking about Shudder, The Mortuary Collection is pure spooky fun, a delightful anthology movie with Clancy Brown getting to chew up some scenery. Also for the movie that has everything, Saloum. It's a kind of revenge crossed with magic crossed with evil spirits centered around a bad ass team of mercenaries for hire.

Also check out my horror movie tag.

[twistedroseytoesy]

Jamils darkside

A potion accident leads the Mc to see the inside of Jamil's head. Shortly after the events of book 4. There's still remnants of the blott.

At this point mc really needed to ask crewel to not do so many dream based potions or things that could show a more vulnerable side of their classmates. It was the second week back learning after the winter break. Todays class was a special first and second year work day. To create a “dream walker” potion. Then to do class discussion in a dream world to ensure they had all the time they needed to go over the different effected etc.

As always with the poor prefects luck, things didn’t go to well due to their troublesome cat companion. Grim grew bored and let his minion take care of their potion with the scarabia vice dorm leader. But grim hated being still and surrounded by strong smells. But one scent did catch his attention. So as Jamil was carefully adding a few drops of mind root concentrate, grim leaped and reached into jamils coat pocket. He pulled out a small bag of spicy homemade chips with a victorious “ah-ha!”. Unfortunetly his victory was short lived as Jamil was lurched forward by grims weight suddenly on his front. He spilled a large amount of the consent rate and glared down at grim. He looked over to the mc and back down to the potion. Nothing started to happen luckily. Jamil just growled and kicked grim as he scurried away from both of the students.

They continued as if nothing had happened. The potion ended a much deeper blue than the other potions around them but other than that it seemed fine. They both should have known better than to assume a bit of an extra ingredient in a potion wouldn’t do anything. The class all summoned some soft chairs or pillows or blankets and drank their potion together at crewels command. The class quickly fell into a deep sleep and arrived in a shared dream space for discussion. All except for 2 students.

They both found themselves in what seemed to be a dark void. Mc groaned as a spotlight was casted on Jamil. “Oh no not again… sorry Jamil. Looks like we’ve got a musical number here.” They said remembering the incident with riddle a while ago. “what do you mean musical number??” Jamil looked downright flabbergasted at the idea of singing at a time like this. “We should try to wake ourselves up. We failed to connect with the other group.” He said. Trying to focus on feeling his body to try and wake up. “we will wake up after it’s over.” Mc said now sitting on the “ground” Jamil started to walk over to them with a deep frown at how nonchalant they were being. Suddenly he felt his limbs freeze and his mind cloud a bit as he started to sway to some dark drums and a deep growling voice that started to play.

“Do you want to meet all my monsters? Think you're tough, I know they'll drive you bonkers Meet them once and they'll forever haunt ya" He started to sing different images of shadows and jealousy moving in and out of the darkness around the two. Mc watched on, realizing this was going to be going deep into jamils darker, hidden thoughts.

"There's no heroes or villains in this place" He motioned toward his overblotted self as he sat on a throne and how he was cast down. "Just shadows that dance in my headspace Leaving nothing but phantoms in their wake (their wake)" He disappears as the blot phantom takes his place. Mc looks around worriedly.

"There's parts of me I cannot hide (cannot hide)" Jamil in his overblot form appears next to them and grabs their chin as he makes them turn toward him. "I've tried and tried a million times (ooh)" he smirks down at them as they try to break away from his grasp. They look to his eyes for a moment and they find themselves dancing like a puppet and singing as he laughs in front of them.

La-da-da-di-da La-da-da-di-da La-da-da-di-da-da

"Cross my heart and hope to die Welcome to my darkside" He sang as he released his hold on them, Mc reached out to jamil trying to get him back to normal but without magic, there wasn't much they could do. He elegantly danced around them as he sang, like a snake wrapping around his prey. His voice echoes around the two.

"to my da-da-darkside Ooh, to my da-da-darkside Ooh, to my da-da-darkside Ooh, to my da-da-darkside"

"Take a step into the havoc" They find themselves in the scarabia dorm, with the dorm students yelling at Kalim and Jamil. "Look around, this ain't even the half of it!" the kitchens burnt and there's garbage and confetti everywhere. "Walking the line between panic and losing my mind" He pulls on his hair and grips the side of his face. "Embracing the madness" His eye ignites as his hair curls back into the snakes. "My devils they whisper in my ear" The phantom looms close to jamils head as its viscus ink drips onto Jamils shoulder. "Deafening me with all my fears" The phantom creates puppets of his parents berating him on his shoulders. "I'm living in a nightmare!" He screamed.

"There's parts of me I cannot hide" Jamil is normal again but looking down at a broken dish on the floor his hands trembling. "I've tried and tried a million times (million times)" Images of good grades are burned, and a few other things are swept under a rug.

La-da-da-di-da La-da-da-di-da La-da-da-di-da-da

Jamil is now further away from Mc, looking over the edge of a balcony. as a faint voice continues the music.

"Cross my heart and hope to die Welcome to my darkside" He starts to tip over the edge as the words come from his mouth. Mc reaches out and the world fractures around them like a broken mirror.

Ooh, to my da-da-darkside Ooh, to my da-da-darkside Ooh, to my da-da-darkside Ooh, to my da-da-darkside

Images of A knife being thrown, Jamil crying in a corner, many dark figures glaring down at them, and many more flashed around them as the voice along with jamils voice continued to sing.

Darkside

Cross my heart and hope to die Welcome to my darkside

Despite falling through horrible fears and doubts Mc didn't stop trying to reach Jamil. Knowing that getting to him was going to be the only way to help him out of this mess. They even noticed the dark presence of blott around them as they continued through the different mirror fragments.

Ooh, to my da-da-darkside Ooh, to my da-da-darkside (to my darkside) Ooh, to my da-da-darkside (to my darkside) Ooh, to my da-da-darkside

They Finaly were able to wrap their arms around Jamil as they both plummeted over the edge into the darkness of a sea of blott. (welcome to my darkside)

[whimsicaldragonette]

ARC Review: The Unlikely Heir by Jax Calder

Preorder

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Publication Date: August 24, 2023

Synopsis:

What happens when the Prince of Wales falls in love with the Prime Minister? My boring life working in an insurance call center in sunny California just took an unexpected turn. Thanks to my misbehaving relatives, I’ve leapt from obscurity to royalty as the new heir to the British throne. But my welcome in England is about as warm as the weather. I arrive to discover a country horrified at the thought of an American version of Prince Charming and ready to revolt against the monarchy. I vow to my grandmother, the Queen, that I will do everything possible to help her save the crown. Unfortunately, royal life isn’t easy. From bewildering traditions, traitorous friends, and malevolent swans, the only thing I’m succeeding in is providing entertainment for the tabloids and social media trolls. And then the broodingly handsome Prime Minister, Oliver Hartwell, bursts into my life. With his meteoric rise from poverty to the most powerful man in the country, Oliver understands my current plight. Innocent messages of support turn into late-night chats—and unexpected feelings. But there’s one major problem. The royal family must remain politically neutral at all times. So how can I keep my promise to save the monarchy when I’m falling in love with the Prime Minister? A forbidden romance filled with humor and drama featuring a bumbling Prince of Wales and a stern yet dashing Prime Minister, with a love that could transform a nation.

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review and Favorite Quotes below the cut.

My Review:

I picked this up because the cover and synopsis were cute and because I desperately needed something to fill the void left after finishing the new Red White & Royal Blue movie. And this was absolutely perfect. This a deliciously swoony slow-burn romance, with Callum, unlikely American heir to the British throne, and Oliver, Prime Minister of the UK, sloooooowly falling in love over nightly text messages that evolve into phone calls that evolve into video calls and then more. I loved Callum, with his bumbling but cheerful approach to life, his random facts and obsessions, and always seeing the magic in the small things and trying to make people's days brighter with every conversation. He was so genuine and likeable and good. He occasionally reminded me of a golden retriever lol. I also loved Oliver, with his passion to improve the lives of the common people and his witty comebacks and political savvy. He was so serious all the time - it was nice to see Callum making him laugh and relax. Would this absolutely bonkers political scenario ever happen in real life? Hell no. Did I care? Absolutely not. It worked because the heart of the story is Callum and Oliver falling in love. I was 100% there for them falling for one another and in some sense the political trappings of the story were secondary to that. Yes it was amusing, and it certainly caused plenty of conflict and provided the forbidden relationship angle, but I'm not going to nitpick historical or political details. Why would I? I loved this too much. I flew through it in a day and did absolutely nothing else I had planned to because I couldn't tear myself away from it. To be fair, when presented with an epistolary novel, especially a slow-burn in the form of text messages, I'm almost guaranteed to like it. There have been a few notable exceptions, but only a few. Callum and Oliver, however, are the heart of this novel and their personalities and interactions are what drew me in and kept me hooked. This is absolutely a new favorite and I will be checking out the author's other works asap. *Thanks to Booksirens and NetGalley for providing an early copy for review.

Favorite Quotes:

“You need to cut your toenails,” I say because, you know, that’s an appropriate thing to say to the prime minister. “I’ve been wondering why my socks are suddenly getting holes in them,” he says.

---

“There is no magic to be found in the EU agricultural trade negotiations, trust me,” I say.

---

Herbert’s my usual go-to person for dress etiquette, but I’m not sure if even he would know how to dress when you’re meeting the prime minister for a suspiciously vague mission.

---

Maybe that’s what the prime minister actually is. School principal to the entire nation.

---

I never knew a kiss could feel like the truth.

[kitchenisking]

 Part 4😊

A Simple Life by Survivah - (Adventures and Explorations) - (Rating: T, Words: 13763, sterek)

Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton's magic powder, and his plans change.

Call Me Alpha by MyOwnParabatai - (Stiles Stilinski, My Alpha) - (Rating: T, Words: 2323, sterek)

It came more as a shock than anything when Derek called him ‘Alpha’ as opposed to ‘dumbass’, ‘dorkface’, or just plain ‘Stiles’. For the first time in his life, he was genuinely speechless, going as far as silencing his current tirade with an aborted shriek. 

“I’m sorry.” He said after rebooting his brain. “What did you call me?” 

Sterek Pre-Slash + Hurt/Comfort = Cuddles. **One-Shot**

They're MY puppies.. DON'T FREAKING MESS WITH THEM!! byMagnoliachild - ( Stiles's training of the STUPID alpha.) - (Rating: T, Words: 1817, sterek)

Stiles spends an hour cleaning and comforting his babies after a too rough training session with Derek. once they are calm enough Stiles goes over to the loft to show Derek what happens to people who mess with his babies.

Omega by sapphireginger - ( Alpha Yours, Omega Mine) - (Rating: G, Words: 546, sterek)

Stiles is lonely to the point of a literal broken heart and the feeling of being incomplete. So, he does the one thing he swore was a last resort. He sends in his application for a service that'll pair him with His Alpha...more like his "ideal" alpha but he's not picky. He can't be because he just wants to find a home for his heart. 

🐺🦊

Phantom by thisgirlsays22 - (Phantom) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 12743, sterek)

Halfway through his interaction with Stiles, Derek realized his head was throbbing and he was clenching his jaw so tightly his teeth ached. His fangs threatened to drop, and he was still struggling for control after Stiles had disappeared into the sheriff’s office. 

Derek didn’t stop struggling even after Stiles walked past his desk ten minutes later, saluted, and left the building. Not until long after his scent had faded. 

~

In which Stiles unknowingly triggers a phantom alpha heat in Derek and then offers to help him through it. Against Derek’s better judgment, he accepts. 

Not Another Sterek Romance (It Is Absolutely Another Sterek Romance) bybetp - (Tutor!Verse) - (Rating: T, Words: 2405, sterek)

 In which Derek is the worst at history and Stiles wears glasses.

The Boy Is Mine, You Bonkers! by frownypup. - (YAMS (You Are My Sunshine)) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 35535, sterek)

It turns out that the words ‘a painfully smart and brave unclaimed human who is stupidly unutilized in Beacon Hill’s pack’ became the hottest gossip in werewolf underground. Yes, what the hell. Stiles’ existence has changed from a plankton to a rising sun.

Derek Hale has something he needs to say about it.

Anything for You by Onlymine987 - (Anything for You) - (Rating: Not Rated, Words: 930, sterek)

Derek reminds his Stiles how valuable he is to the pack, and to him. Sometimes his baby needs to be reminded of his worth but Derek will gladly do it eveytime he has to.

Discovery Channel Taught Me by xxjinchuurikixx - (Our Fevered Souls) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 19350, sterek)

Derek goes into rut in the early winter, and he can't stand being near Stiles. Stiles comes over to make sure Derek isn't dead. Good job, Scott.

*

“Stiles… You have to leave. Please--just go away.” “It's okay, buddy… We're gonna get through this.” He touches Derek's chest with his own, fingers brushing Derek's neck. “I'm here.”

The Only Exception by alisvolatpropiis - (The Only Exception) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 8153, sterek)

Derek sighs, frustrated, not yet willing to resign himself to his fate of an arranged relationship even though it’s seeming more and more inevitable.

He forces the whole ordeal out of his mind and stares hard at his laptop, re-reading the same sentence over and over again, trying to stare it into submission, when a familiar scent distracts him, jolts him out of his pitiful attempt to focus.

Through the heavy haze of rich coffee and warm cookies that fills the café he can smell that weed-tinged spice and fresh citrus, cool rain water and the slight hint of another werewolf. Vivid memories flash and fill his senses: the way that scent sweetened with mouth-watering arousal, the solid, steady thrum of a wildly quickened pulse, running his tongue over intricate tattoos, throaty mewls of pleasure punctuated with muttered curses and pleas not to stop, a firm, tight ass bouncing against his thighs.

Stiles Stilinski.

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

It’s time for episode 6 of season 2 of Stranger Things.

1.) I forgot that Hopper gets like literally hosed down.

2.) Will’s heart rate is 220, temp of 106.

3.) I really remembered Steve being in this season more than he is so every bit I get is so nice. Hello my favorite lad. My sweet bisexual baby.

4.) Joyce shaming a group of scientists like truth coming out of her goddamn well followed up by Murray, Jonathan, and Nancy putting together envelopes of evidence is actually very good

5.) the scene that changed a fandom. Murray reading these two idiots for filth although I’m now convinced Nancy’s a lesbian. Canon can’t sway me because I’m crazy

6.) also lesbians exercising comphet frequently fuck men. I know the show means for the scene to be a like, romantic thing but she is technically cheating and also I think Jonathan is also a distraction.

7.) hopper vomiting and then smiling and saying ‘never better’ is a mood

8.) Bob is taking the news so bonkers well

9.) I just realized like no one has made a single lotr reference to bob

10.) I forgot about the ‘who’s bob’ will moment

11.) that pull-out joke is still choice

12.) oh yeah, Lucas went straight to Max’s house. Also Lucas rings the bell like 17 times.

13.) I forgot Will forgot Hopper too

14.) Steve gives terrible love advice, but at least tells him not every girl likes the same things

15.) Fabregé Organics and Farrah Fawcett spray.

16.) hop apologizing and el isn’t there to hear it 🥺

17.) I forgot the scientists except for Owens just give up on Will

18.) I forgot Steve used to be a last resort abd he initially refers to Max as ‘random girl’

19.) oh yeah, Jonathan really comes home to a weird scene

20.) i straight up can’t remember what all is a lie from will and also I forgot that Steve makes a great set up in the junkyard

21.) Steve really has zero actual idea how he got Nancy’s attention if he thinks Dustin being shitty will get Max’s attention

22.) Lucas and Max are cute

23.) Steve goes out as baitttt and then got between max and one!! I forgot!! How could I forget this???

24.) Steve was the person who realized the monsters were going somewhere.

25.) mike did try to warn the soldiers it’s a trap

[iloveabunchofgames]

1/15/23 - Week In Review

#JakeReviewsItch Week In Review Archives

This week’s reviews: 🧡🤍🤍🤍🤍 6 pack of craft games 🧡🧡🤍🤍🤍 8 Bit Space (ZX Spectrum Inspired Platformer) 🧡🧡🧡🤍🤍 9 Till Void 🧡🧡🤍🤍🤍 10 Flights of Ballooning 🧡🧡🤍🤍🤍 10 in 1 game-a-week bundle! 🧡🧡🤍🤍🤍 10mg: Sealed Estate 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 10mg: SNAAAK

Game of the Week

I spent most of the week feeling confident that 9 Till Void wouldn't be topped, and then this sneaky little fellow wriggled into my heart.

It's only been a day since I wrote about 10mg: SNAAAK, and my thoughts haven't changed. As a short experience—a proof of concept—it's magnificent. What I want is for this to be extended to a full game, but if I can't get that, this little taste will do. The current asking price of $1.99 is too steep for me to recommend. There just isn't enough there. It's also in the complete 10mg bundle, but given my other 10mg experience, I wouldn't suggest gambling $10 on that, either. Which brings me to the topic absolutely no one wants to discuss ever again: What's the purpose of review scores? The debates have raged for as long as we've had reviews, and no one has ever emerged with a satisfying answer. I've written a guide to deciphering my scores, and I still struggle every day. 10mg: SNAAAK is something special. I enjoyed it. I think others would enjoy it. It has value. I rated it 4/5. And my advice is, "Don't buy it." Which is why context matters. Money changed hands, but I did not purchase this game with consideration and intent. It showed up in my life, and I ignored it until self-imposed obligation pushed me to give it a fair shake. Would this be a 4/5 if I'd spent months reading previews, studying screenshots and trailers until the day I could finally type in my credit card number and begin the download? Not a chance. Something to keep in mind when you see a gulf between the way critics and audiences respond to media.

When I'm not Itching...

If I see a Wii game for a dollar, I'm probably going to buy it. If it proudly advertises its compatibility with the Wii Balance Board, I'm definitely going to buy it.

Take a look at the cover of Ubisoft's Gold's Gym Cardio Workout. It's 2009. Wii Fit is past its peak, but still hot. Ubisoft, still a few months away striking gold with Just Dance, is scooping up publishing rights for anything they think could catch the eye of the newly expanded Wii and DS audience. Quality is not a top concern. Look at that cover. Picture the game. Do you see cutesy anime people guiding rhythmic boxing routines?

Image taken from some YouTube review. (Not an endorsement; I just scrubbed through the video with the sound off until I found a usable image because there aren't any good screenshots of this game and I didn't feel like setting up my capture card.)

Does that format—left and right punching icons coming up from the bottom of the screen in time to music—look familiar?

I looked up Gold's Gym: Cardio Workout developer, Rocket Company, and wouldn't you know it? They were absorbed by parent company Imagineer in 2016, the very name behind 2018's Fitness Boxing, 2020's Fitness Boxing 2: Rhythm & Exercise, and the upcoming Fitness Boxing: Fist of the North Star. Imagineer is self-publishing the slightly bonkers-looking Fist of the North Star spinoff, while the first two Fitness Boxing Switch games were published in the Americas by none other than Nintendo and sold for $50 a pop.

And that's why I'll take a chance on a buck on any Wii game I can find, no batter what it looks like on the cover. The Switch sequels are, I'm sure, the superior pieces of software, but I'm sweating just as much with a couple Wii remotes in my hand. But that's not the real reason I wanted to share this curious bit of video game. No, let me tell you of my greatest discovery. Ubisoft and Rocket Company followed up Gold's Gym: Cardio Workout with Gold's Gym: Dance Workout. The YouTube trailer isn't especially interesting, except for one detail: It was uploaded by the Just Dance channel. Now that Ubisoft was developing the world's most successful dance series in-house, I suspect they didn't feel much need to continue importing rhythm/exercise games from Japan. The Ubisoft/Gold's Gym/Rocket Company partnership ended after just two games. In Japan, however, the シェイプボクシング (Shape Boxing) series got a third entry, which leads us to the greatest video game commercial of all time. Enjoy.

By the way, Ubisoft is an awful company, responsible for just about every kind of abuse you can imagine, and the rot runs all the way to the top. Yes, good people do good work there. No, that is no excuse for enabling systemic abuse. Buying an old game from a retro game shop? I don't see a problem. Buying new Ubisoft games or making in-game purchases results supports a company that protects predators and thrives on abuse. Despite apologetic PR statements, they have made no meaningful effort to be better. Video games are fun. Human lives are more important.

#JakeReviewsTwitch is a series of daily game reviews. You can learn more here. You can also browse past reviews...

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[fae-of-the-rose]

I posted 1,247 times in 2022

That's 602 more posts than 2021!

12 posts created (1%)

1,235 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@silvermuffins

@bealoideas

@glitteringnebulae

@nyctoheart

@perkynurples

I tagged 1,247 of my posts in 2022

#yes good - 315 posts

#inspiration - 176 posts

#reference - 173 posts

#oh my gods - 115 posts

#jojo's bizarre adventure - 100 posts

#twisted wonderland - 86 posts

#kingdom hearts - 67 posts

#mdzs - 58 posts

#grandmaster of demonic cultivation - 56 posts

#ensemble stars - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 75 characters

#how in the fuck are you not going batshit with your lab in that apartment??

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Urianger Augurelt/Thancred Waters, Minor or Background Relationship(s), minor Gaia/Ryne | Minfillia Characters: Urianger Augurelt, Thancred Waters, Gaia (Final Fantasy XIV), Ryne | Minfilia Additional Tags: others are mentioned - Freeform, Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), for like two lines, Implied/Referenced Abuse, thanks Vauthry, goes into absolutely no detail but it is mentioned, disgustingly in love dads

Summary: Urianger and Thancred's home is always open to those who need a place to stay.

6 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#4

So when I’m bored and unwinding for sleep apparently I make characters. Anyway @khttrpg posted a character sheet thingie to make characters with and I figured why the heck not I can always use more OCs.

Assuming I did my math right, Riley here has 5 Major Levels, is the Replica of a scientist’s son who’s father was very, very keen to see how far the human body could be pushed before being forced into Heartless/Nobody.....and look I based him on Prompto Argentum, taking characters from a video game or other media and building them in a TTRPG system is a really good way for me to figure out how the system works. Also he was the easiest to justify as a Cosmic Mage and I really like Cosmic Mage’s flavor. 

All of his stats should be right if I did my math right this late at night (I added +3 to HP and +2 to MP) and there were a couple of things I noticed missing from the doc but otherwise extremely fun to build out! His whole deal would, obviously, be about finding where he belongs and figuring out where the scientist is now and maybe getting revenge for the bullshit that guy did to Riley’s “brothers”.

EDIT TO ADD since tumblr’s ask limit means this is easier:  The things I noticed missing were: several Jobs give you free spells that don’t count against the number of spells you can learn but at no point in the doc does it say just how many spells you can learn aside from those; and some clarification on if a Talent can exceed a Stat if boosted by Reflex Improvement or other Class abilities.

7 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#3

>playing Stardew Valley for the first time in a while >”btw Ginger Island is a thing” >unlock Ginger Island >oh...oh no

anyway I do not think I am likely to ever use anything on the island except that forge ever that is just TOO MUCH I am not a min-max/must make all the money type of player I am just a simple Fae who wants to marry cute boys and have a cute farm

11 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#2

I’m gonna need an internet historian to compile this wild Nier Automata Church Saga once it’s all said and done this is just bonkers like. whatever it ends up being it needs to be preserved as both a wild time and also a prime example of the DrakeNier fandom and how willing we are to like. accept this shit

41 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

D23′s going on today and new Tron game holy shit yes

119 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[celticbarb]

Book: Highlander’s Bride

By Mariah Stone

Series: Called by a Highlander, book 7

Publisher: Stone Publishing

Release Date: December 7, 2021

Overall Book Review Rating: 4 ½ Stars

Blog Review Rating: 4 ½ Saltire Flags

Present 2021 and Past 1314

Eilean Donan Castle, Dornie, Scotland

Bryanna Fitzpatrick is a music teacher and is extremely ill with diabetes, therefore she comes to Eilean Donan Castle in Dornie, Scotland. She isn’t feeling well knowing her blood sugar must be high (hypoglycemia) to see if she needs another insulin injection. Therefore she tries to find a private area to test her blood, now this is very difficult being such a popular place especially with the local tourists.

What her family does not realize is that Bryanna has been having visions-that have come true since she was diagnosed with diabetes as a teenager! For example, like her father getting ill and passing away from a heart disease, plus other more lighthearted visions that have come true too. However she has been having a recurring vision that makes no sense at all too. It is about this faceless, medieval, highlander with long raven locks, a bloodied medieval costume, war wounds and a blood stained sword! Of course she has never shared these visions with anyone as they would have thought she was absolutely bonkers, ready to drop her off at the nearest psychiatric hospital!

Somehow she ends up in an underground cave and is spotted by a fairy telling her a man named Raghnall MacKenzie will be the love of her life and sends her to medieval Scotland! She wakes up thinking she is having the most marvelous dream marrying the most gorgeous man she has ever seen! Except this utopian fantasy turns into a deadly disaster as it turns into a harsh reality that could possibly kill her without the modern medical treatments of the twenty-first century! So when reality sets in she tries to escape, however Raghnall doesn’t let her go-as he needs a wife to care for his dead fiancés son. He had been disinherited and the only way to get his home and lands returned is to be married. Furthermore, he must prove he has matured and become responsible again since he desperately needs a wife.

The hero of this story is Raghnall Mackenzie who has had a lot of heartache in his life. Losing the woman he loved in the past nearly destroyed him, when he was about to propose to Mairi but she was violently taken from him and died in his arms. She had been a widow with a six year old son and made Raghnall promise to care for her son Seoc. Raghnall has always felt like an outsider even with his own clan! Yet he promised he would care for his dying love’s son. To keep his property he must marry another, now the one who had agreed to this arrangement didn’t show up for their wedding. Ironically Bryanna is blows into the past and his life at the same time.

Bryanna thinks she is having a dream which she has often. As it’s the only way she can escape from the reality of her caged life. A woman who could never have real freedom due to her illness. So she was eating all this sweet food bad for diabetics, plus agreed to marry the swoon-worthy stranger, who she always dreamed about. At least he had a face this time, but had the name the fairy forewarned her about. Shortly after the wedding Bryanna realizes this is all a reality. It means no modern medicine, as she only has a couple insulin treatments with her. This means what that fairy told her was the truth and she is going to die in the past. It seems like some of the other people she has met are from the future too. So she is definitely freaking out and death from diabetes is not a pleasant way to die. Now Raghnall just thinks he has married a crazy woman as he keeps fighting his attraction to her. As he promised never to love another ever again. Except he does care and does not know how to fight it! Plus losing another woman he loves will destroy him! Will Bryanna die from a diabetic illness and Raghnall have another shattered heart. Read and find out.

I really enjoyed this book my only issue was Raghnall seemed to recognize modern words. For example the toilet wasn’t invented until the sixteenth century! So he would not have known she needed relieve herself. There were other modern words he recognized too which a medieval man would have been clueless to their meaning. Also how Bryanna could stay in modern Scotland without a work visa. Otherwise I loved this story even words like wow were unknown in the 14th century. I am not usually this picky but these words really stuck out in this tale and to work in Scotland is not easy. I know married couples that had to remain in America due to red tape in Scotland. I have been to Scotland and know a lot of their laws and politics. The only reason I gave it 4 ½ stars instead of 5 stars. I did really enjoy the characters and the secondary characters from previous books too. A very enjoyable Scottish time-travel that readers will love!

Disclaimer: I received an advance reader’s copy from Booksprout.co. I voluntarily agreed to do an honest, fair review and blog. All thoughts, ideas and words are my own.

[doggytail-duck]

Who knew going to sleep would be difficult after you spend half the day in the ER?

[avengerscompound]

Moving On - Chapter 17

Moving On: A Falcon & Captain Marvel Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Sam Wilson x F!Reader, Carol Danvers x F! Reader

Word Count:  2262

Rating:  E

Warnings:  nothing I can think of

Synopsis:  You thought Sam Wilson was the love of your life.  You had planned to do it all with him - marriage, kids, see the world.  Even when you’re life gets turned upside down, and you both end up international fugitives, he’s there by your side.

Then Thanos comes.

When Sam is one of the many turned to dust, leaving you alone and pregnant, you don’t think you’ll ever stop grieving.  Yet, everyone tells you that Sam would want you to move on and live your life - that he’d want you to be happy. Gradually you open your heart up to another.  Carol Danvers has lost people too.  First her daughter, then her wife.  As the two of you lean on each other, feelings grow and you move on together.

So what happens when Sam is returned to you?

Chapter 17: Alpha Flight

When the house was packed up with the things you and Carol had decided to take with you were packed in her ship, and the house was on the market - you knew it was time to say goodbye.

Everyone had been used to Carol popping in and out regularly, and no one except you had really forged that strong of a bond with her, so when she did leave Earth it was just one of those things.  No one particularly thought twice about it.  This was you and Kit though, and given how many of the team had already been lost it was kind of a big deal that you were leaving too.

Steve, Natasha, and Bruce all came to see you off.  Natasha was being very reluctant about letting Kit go.

“Are you going to miss me, Utushka?”  She said as he cuddled the toddler tight.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kit said, her little fingers flexing on Natasha’s shoulder like she was patting her.

“You better tell me all about space when you come back to see me,” Natasha said.

“Is big big.  Up!” Kit said, holding her hands up in the air.

Natasha laughed and peppered kisses on Kit’s chubby cheeks.

Steve came and hugged you goodbye.  “You’re sure about this?”

“You told me Sam would want me to move on.  This is me moving on,” you said as you let him engulf you in his arms.

He nodded and rubbed your back.  “I get it.  Sometimes it takes something big to let go.  I hope you find what you’re looking for up there.”

“Thanks, Steve,” you mumbled.

He let you go and you went to Bruce and kissed his cheek.  “I’m really happy to see you happy,” you said.

“Thanks.  I hope you can find it too,” he said, rubbing your arm with a large hand.  “You be careful out there, it’s kinda … completely bonkers.”

You laughed.  “I will,” you said and looked over at Carol.  “I have a good guide.”

Finally, you went to Natasha and she reluctantly handed over Kit, before pulling you both into a tight hug.  “I can’t believe you’re leaving me too.”

“You know I have to at least give this a go,” you said.

“Yeah,” she agreed.  “If I could find Clint, I’d go to him.”

“I know,” you agreed.  “And you will.”

“You better bring her back regularly for me to see,” she warned.

You laughed and rubbed your cheek on her shoulder.  “I promise, Nat.  You’re going to see plenty more of both of us.”

She let you go and Carol held out her hand to you.  “Come on, we have a long way to go,” she said.

You went and took her hand and she led you up the ramp onto the ship.  “Say, bye-bye, Kit,” you said.

Kit started waving her hand to the others.  “Bye-bye.  Bye-bye.”

When you were on board you put the little girl in the car seat you’d adapted to space travel and buckled her in.  You put some noise-canceling earmuffs over her ears and gave her a teething rusk to chew on during takeoff and hoped that it was enough to deal with the sound and sudden velocity.

When you’d gotten in the co-pilot seat and buckled up, Carol looked over at you. “Ready?”

“Ready,” you agreed.

She started up the ship and after a few more checks she lifted off vertically.  Kit started to whine in her chair.  “No, no, no.  Mama.  Loud mama.”

You looked back at her and played with her foot. “It’s okay, Kitty cat.  Just have to get into space.”

She started to cry and the ship shot off.  Once a second the ground was just below you, the next you were in orbit around the planet.  “Wow,” you sighed.

“Quite a view, huh?” Carol said.

“You’re telling me,” you said.

Carol began pressing buttons on a screen in front of her.  “Space travel is done by using these dimensional jump points.  They’re like wormholes that were intentionally put places for people to use.  Sometimes you get a direct route, sometimes you have to use a few.  Depends on how popular the destination is and how far away you are from it.”

“Kinda like how you have to go through Atlanta for so many flights,” you said.

She laughed.  “I’ll take your word for it,” she said.  “Anyway, no one comes to Earth, so we need to hop three times.  It’s really unpleasant but it’s also really quick.  As soon as it’s done you can get Kit.”

Kit had only just stopped actively crying and was still sniffing dramatically as she chewed on her rusk.

“We’re ready,” you said.

Carol pressed a couple more buttons and then pushed forward on the flight stick.  The ship shot forward and then seemed to be engulfed by light.  The sensation that passed through you was like being stretched out and crushed all at once.  The sensation eased when the light was replaced by dark, but almost immediately the flash happened again.  When the third hit, nausea ran through you, and Kit started to wail.

You got up and quickly unbuckled Kit, picking her up and holding her close as she cried.  You rubbed her back in soothing circles.  “Shh… shhh, baby girl.  I’ve got you.  Mama’s got you.”

As you rocked her, you turned to look out the front of the ship, and looming ahead of you was a space station that made the ship you were on look like an annoying fly.

Your mind immediately went to the death star, though it wasn’t close to planet size, nor was planet shaped, but it was bigger than your mind could comprehend.  It was a large city floating in space.

You took a seat beside Carol, staring up at the space station.  “Look at that, baby?  You see our new home?”

Kit sniffled and turned her head, as she looked up at the space station her mouth fell open.  “Wow…” she said in a hushed voice.

“You like it, Kitten?”  Carol asked.  “This is the Alpha Flight Space Station, home of the Alpha Flight Interstellar Defense and Diplomacy Initiative.  Or I guess you’ll know it as home.”  She looked over at Kit again and played with her hand.  “You can come and meet my cat.  Will you like that?”

“Cat?”  Kit asked.

“That’s right,” Carol said and looked at you.  “It’s not really a cat.  But close enough.”

You shook your head in disbelief.  There was one thing to see aliens on earth, this was something completely different.

A docking bay opened and she slowly guided the ship to the landing pad.  As soon as it touched down a group of people rushed in to secure it.  Carol got up, not worrying about the cooldown procedure, and opened the back of the ship.  A small group entered and saluted.  They were all green humanoids with lined features and pointed ears.  “Captain Danvers,” the nearest one said.

“Proceed with the cooldown,” Carol ordered.  “And have our things brought to my quarters.  As you can see I’ve brought my daughter with me, so we’re going to need a crib.”

“Right away, Captain,” the alien said, and the group got straight to work.

You followed her out with Kit on your hip, and you hadn’t even made it out of the hanger when Carol was accosted by a tall woman with green hair wearing dark glasses.  “About time you got back, Danvers,” she snapped.  “Did you forget we had work to do?”

“My wife needed me,” Carol said.  “And given I haven’t had any time to spend with her in the past thirty years, I think I was owed some time off.”

“Now?  You choose now for that?”  The green-haired woman said.  “Half the universe disappeared.  Or did you forget?”

“And me being here would have fixed that?”  Carol asked.  “My wife just died.  Give it a break would you?”

The woman frowned.  “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said, and Carol moved past her and into the base.  There were people everywhere.  Most were the same green-skinned aliens that had come to take care of the ship, but there were others around.  Some looked very close to human, other’s nothing at all like human.  The halls were all white with big windows and steel floors and they seemed to branch out everywhere. 

“I have a list of things that need your attention longer than my arm,” the woman said.  “And you’ve brought two uncleared civilians onto my ship so I’m going to need you to address that.”

“I’m not a civilian,” you said and told her your name.  You offered her your hand and the woman looked at it like you’d just offered her a plate full of slugs.

She turned her attention back to Carol.  “You’re recruiting infants now?”

Carol rolled her eyes again.  “Brand, seriously, I just got back.  Give me a second to acclimatize and show my girlfriend around.”

“Didn’t you just say your wife…”

“Yes,” Carol sighed.  “I had both a wife and a girlfriend.  Scandalous I know.  I’m taking my family to my quarters.  I’ll come take care of things in a few hours.  Okay?  It can wait a couple of hours.”

Brand huffed and nodded.  “Fine.”

As you and Carol left Brand behind Carol put her arm around your waist.  “Ignore her, she’s a lot.”

“Is she your boss?” you asked.

“I’m the boss,” she teased.  “But Brand runs things.  I always get the final say.  She’s - well, you saw - but she’s good at her job.”

“Am I getting you in trouble being here?” you asked.

Carol laughed.  “Hardly.  Most of the people who live here are displaced people.  There are families with children.  Lots of them.  We even have childcare facilities and school.”

“How come you never brought Maria and Monica here?” you asked.

“This took a lot to set up,” Carol explained.  “And a long time.  By the time it was ready Monica was grown and Maria had started up SWORD.  I didn’t want to take her from that.”

You nodded in understanding.  “This is pretty amazing.”

“Thanks,” she said.

As you stepped into an elevator one of the green aliens hurried up and jumped on with you.  “Carol!” he said.  “I heard you were back.  We missed you.”

“I missed you too, Talos,” Carol said, and introduced him to you.

“Believe it or not, we’ve already met,” Talos said.

You raised an eyebrow.  “I think I would have remembered that.”

“Oh, I looked like this,” he said, and morphed into a perfect replica of Nick Fury, right down to the eyepatch.

You gasped and stumbled back.  “Nick isn’t human!?”

“No, he is,” Carol laughed.  “But he and Hill sometimes switched places with Talos and his wife.”

“Well, before the whole…” Talos trailed off but you didn’t need him to finish.  Nick and Hill had both been victims of Thanos’ snap.  He morphed back into his natural form again and crouched down so he was on eye level with Kit.  “And who are you, little Terran?”

“Kit!” she said happily.

“Welcome aboard, Kit.  I bet you’ll like living here.  There’s lots and lots of kids,” Talos said and turned his attention back to Carol.  “You should come have dinner with me and Sorren.  She’ll be excited to see you back.”

“We will,” Carol said.  “But maybe not tonight.  This is a big change for these two.  They should have a little bit to settle in.  And Brand is alright riding my ass.”

“Ass!” Kit repeated loudly and you, Carol, and Talos all smothered a laugh.

“Oh good, I was hoping she’d learn that word soon,”  you joked.

“How about I bring around some meals for you.  We won’t stay, but it will take the pressure off,” Talos suggested.  “Besides, I desperately want to get rid of your Flerken.”

“You are too good to me, Talos,” Carol said as the elevator stopped.  “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Captain,” Talos said and turned to you.  “It was a pleasure to remeet you,” he said with a little bow.  “And you, little Kit.”

“Bye-bye,” Kit said, and you followed Carol back out of the elevator and down a hall.

“He’s the best,” she said.  “And his wife too.”

She stopped at a door and pressed her palm to the pad beside it.  “We’ll have to set up your biometrics later or you’re going to be trapped in here until I let you out.”

You laughed and followed her inside.  You were immediately blown away by the sight before you.  Her quarters were a large open space with a circular couch in the middle of the room.  There was a screen on one wall and very extraterrestrial-looking shelving containing very human knick-knacks.  There were doors to the left and the right and you assumed they led to the regular amenities like a bathroom and bedroom but the thing that dominated everything was the far end of the room.  Instead of a wall, it was a floor-to-ceiling window, curved outwards.  Beyond that were the depths of space.  Stars littered the sky forming a bar that you could only assume was the arm of a galaxy.  You had no idea which one.  These weren’t your stars and you had no idea where in the universe you were.

Kit began wiggling in your arms and you put her down.  She ran to the window and began tapping on it.  “Space!  Space!  Mama!  Car!  Space!”

“That’s right, Kitten,” Carol said and put her arm around you.  “Welcome Home.”

// NEXT

[dokuhai]

okay but on a scale from 1-10 and you can't duplicate ratings, rate each au/verse gin in terms of how hot rangiku finds him READY GO

canon/divergent verses: lieutenant, captain, arrancar arc, redemption, dad!gin

aus: reborn, vamp, hitman, inari, I DON'T HAVE A 10TH VERSE OR AU but this means no one can be forcibly rated at a 1 SO HAH --

              I HATE THAT I CAN'T DUPLICATE RATINGS THIS ISN'T FAIR!?!?!? HOW DARE YOU LOL --- ALRIGHT FINE I'll attempt to answer this 😤😤

                                                                ----------------------

              Vamp!Verse: 10/10 -- Gin is a total fucking baddie, his flirting game has GOT to be the strongest here out of any other verse. Not to mention Rangiku is actively KILLING HIS KIND and she's supposed to want him dead, but like ..... have you seen him??? Have you looked into his weird inhuman and utterly captivating eyes?? Rangiku wants to be destroyed by vamp!Gin in the kinkiest of ways sorry not sorry. I think this verse is the only exception to the rule I'm establishing with this list ( aka Rangiku finds Gin most attractive when they have a solid foundation and she knows she can trust him )

              Redemption!Verse: 9/10 -- by the time the winter war is over and Gin tells her the truth and he gets reinstated and has to live day in and day out with what he's done / is actively trying to make amends, their relationship is finally back on solid ground and has a stronger foundation than ever before. There's no shaking their bond after everything they've been through; the stability that their relationship now offers is a total fucking turn on. Feeling safe and secure??? Finally knowing the truth, and being able to fully heal from those old wounds??? What's NOT to love about that!?

              Dad!Gin: 8/10 -- I CAN'T BELIEVE I CAN'T DUPLICATE RATINGS I'M SO MAD LOL this one's right up there with Redemption verse, especially since they kinda bleed together further down the timeline. Seeing his eyes light up when he's bonding with Keiko and enjoying fatherhood is just... chef kiss. Seeing Gin HAPPY and thriving is a turn on, in and of itself ---- especially after everything he's been through. And seeing how well he takes care of their daughter just makes Rangiku's heart all warm and happy.

              Hitman!Verse: 7/10 -- SHE'S STILL WARMING UP TO HIM IN THIS VERSE but again, have you seen him??? She's not a big fan of guns in hitman verse so I have to dock points for that but Gin also looks sexy WITH his guns all strapped to his body so there's a bit of a DILEMMA going on here lmfao ( plus she hasn't seen him shirtless yet so this number is BOUND to go up once things get spicy uwu )

              Gin (Captain/Pre-Betrayal): 6/10 -- LISTEN Rangiku is head over fucking heels and wants Gin to RAW HER every time they are around one another but he's a goddamn VANISHING ACT ( which just makes her want him more lbr-- )

              Gin (Lieutenant): 5/10 -- AGAIN I HATE THAT I CAN'T DUPLICATE RATINGS because this would be WELL up there!!! Cocky arrogant Lieutenant!Gin is Rangiku's sexual awakening okay it's when she realizes how fucking hot he is and SHE KNOWS that he knows it and it drives her absolutely bonkers but she wouldn't change a single thing. They're having a good time, breaking rules and being young / wild -- Gin excites her and pulls her away from any and all worries she might have while climbing the Gotei ladder and finding her footing in the 10th Division. Rangiku wears a neck scarf around this part of the timeline ( and well into her time as a 3rd seat ) bc she's hiding hickeys LET'S BE REAL HERE LOL

              Gin (Second in Command/Las Noches): 4/10 -- I'M REALLY JUST DESCRIBING THE CANON DIVERGENT VERSE WHERE RANGIKU INVADES HUECO MUNDO WITH HER SHINIGAMI PALS HERE BUT holy shit Rangiku is SO SO MAD AT GIN but she's also missed him and the way his body feels against hers and for the love of FUCK she's fallen for a bad guy and she fucking hates herself for it but does she still find him hot??? Of fucking COURSE--

              Reborn!Gin: 3/10 -- THIS ONE'S HARD because he's been reborn and he's not HER Gin anymore, but he's still Gin ... and she's trying to come to terms with that. So while she still finds him attractive, it's ---- DIFFERENT, in this verse. I think her love for his very soul overpowers anything else, here. Instead of wanting him in a sexual / physical nature, her desire for him to be okay and happy overpowers everything else.

              Inari!Gin: 2/10 -- SADLY I HAVE THE LEAST EXPERIENCE WITH THIS VERSION OF GIN which is my fault because I haven't properly developed and/or written Rangiku in this universe so I'm giving him the lowest rating WHICH HONESTLY UPSETS ME BECAUSE IF HE LOOKS ANYTHING LIKE THE BBS DEMON!GIN THEN HE SHOULD BE ALL THE WAY UP AT A 9 OR A 10/10 BUT WHATEVER LOL

[transmascfrankiero]

all of mcr’s songs ranked out of ten based on whether or not you can strip to them:

romance: could work if you were going for a Super Melancholy smiths-esque vibe but overall too slow and pretty. 1/10

honey: headbanger soundtrack to showcase your revenge body to ur ex. bonus points for underlying ‘gonna murder shitty boyfriend’ context thanks to audition-inspired video. but slightly too angry to be seductive. 5/10

vampires: too goth, too many feelings. reminds me of pot dreads frank. would not work. 0/10

drowning lessons: this song is cursed and cannot be listened to in public unfortunately 0/10

sorrows: if u were going to do a strip routine while beating the shit out of someone for trying to stealing ur tip money this would be a gr8 choice 6/10

halos: it’s about blowing your own head off and taking too many pills to cope w/ wanting to die all the time. 0/10

turnstiles: please do not!!! strip!!! to a song!!! about 9/11!!!! what is wrong w/ you!!! -100000000/10

monroeville: if u were doing a private lil strip dance for your george a. romero-obsessed s.o. where u both cry over the idea of having to kill the other person b/c they turned into a zombie then sure??? but other than that no. .5/10

best day ever: ehhhhhh. too fast. kinda weird to get sexy to unless u have a hospital kink. 0/10

cubicles: wow the thought of doing a strip routine to a song about pining for ur coworker who doesn’t know u exist is too sad to even joke about -20/10

demolition lovers: it’s a long song but it’s got cool tempo changes for variety and if u got the stamina then go for it. 4/10

helena: so, like, i get it. it’s a bop. u could dance to this beat for sure. the costumes and color scheme from the video make for gr8 stage pictures and the dancing corpse lady is v pretty. i could understand why if u were doing an emo strip routine u would want to use helena. but please for the love of all that is holy do NOT strip to a song gerard way wrote about his dead grandmother okay i am BEGGING you -∞/10

give ‘em hell kid: FUCK YEAH YOU LOOK PRETTY WALKIN DOWN THE STREET IN THE BEST DAMN DRESS U OWN. 10/10

to the end: this would be a hilarious choice for a bachelor party ngl 7/10 for that alone

prison: absolutely you could strip to this song but u gotta COMMIT okay u gotta light something on fire onstage and challenge gender norms while screaming your head off 8/10 but only if ur not a coward

i’m not okay: it’s a bop, but can u strip to it? no. 0/10

ghost of you: mikey way did not die on a beach in fake normandy for u to strip to ghost of you. seek help -5/10

jetset life: dude this song like. actually works??? for a strip routine??? so long as you don’t actually listen to the words, from a musical perspective, u could totally strip to this 10/10

interlude: what kinda weird catholic shame kink do u need to have to strip to this song. also it’s too short and too pretty. -5/10 (unless ur into catholic shame idk)

venom: this would require such a high energy routine but if u can make being sweaty work then this is a gr8 choice 7/10

hang ‘em high: this is a BATSHIT INSANE choice for a strip routine but if u want to do it then PLEASE do. i like ur style. 8/10

deathwish: u can strip to this only if u introduce ur routine by dedicating it to everyone who ever said eyeliner on dudes was gay. 5/10

cemetery drive: i think not. 0/10

never told you: if u are a highly theatrical highly murderous stripper then yes definitely 7/10

desert song: this song is Way Too Beautiful to strip to sorry you can’t have it -300/10

the end.: the only sexy thing about this song is how good gerard’s voice sounds so no. 0/10

dead!: this is a bold fucking choice but u have to play your cards just right. high risk high reward but SO much to potentially get wrong 6/10

how i disappear: u could. but why. 2/10

sharpest lives: holy SHIT yes ABSOLUTELY u should strip to sharpest lives. the drama. the beat. the spy rock guitar that frank accidentally nailed. this is one of THE choicest options from their catalog. why aren’t u stripping to this right now 50000000/10

wttbp: cute idea but don’t actually 0/10

i don’t love you: again, a bold fucking choice. u could strip to this in an edgy, meta sort of way but it’s missing the trashy factor so it’d have to be part performance art and part strip routine. if ur into that then totally 5/10

house of wolves: i mean i would pay money to see someone strip to this song so 7/10

cancer: LMAO YIKES -2000000/10

mama: this would be GLORIOUS if u fully embraced the sheer insanity and went Bonkers in Fuckin Zonkers burlesque-show-in-hell w/ it. 100/10 but u gotta pound the floor wailing at some point

sleep: i’m conflicted on this one like on the one hand it’s a good tempo for stripping but on the other hand it’s a song about being cruel to ur loved ones in order to force distance between u and them b/c you’re terrified of them getting hurt and it being all your fault. so maybe don’t strip to this one actually 0/10

teenagers: a bop w/ a great beat and fun costume ideas from the video but two major drawbacks being 1. ur getting naked to a song about teenagers which is uhhhh sort of Inappropriate and 2. it’s kind of also about school shooters which is also Inappropriate to get naked to. 0/10

disenchanted: why would u want this. you sad fuck. idek what to say except if you want to strip to this song i’m crying on your behalf -100000000/10

famous last words: don’t????? don’t. Do Not. stop that. -12/10

blood: this is HILARIOUS omg please strip to blood 10/10

kill all your friends: sure?? no objections but it’s an odd choice. this goes for the demo too. 2/10

heaven help us: if u want to strip to this then you definitely just read unholyverse for the first time and while u are valid, Don’t 0/10

my way home is through you: not an especially sexy song but it’s fun!! you do you 3/10

astro zombies (cover): uhhhhhh it’s a no from me dawg. i’d be thinking about danzig, like, the whole time. 0/10

desolation row: sure but u gotta be willing to get punched in the face by the riot squad for maximum effect 4/10

common people (cover): just b/c gerard would strip to britpop doesn’t mean u can. 0/10

emily: NO!!!! -50000/10

party at the end of the world: nah. 0/10

not that kind of girl: literally please consider the subject matter of this song and rethink ur life choices. -10/10

all the angels: it’s a cool song but don’t strip to it that’s weird -2/10

jack the ripper: you and the person who wants to strip to astro zombies can go sit in the suicidegirls corner together how about that. 0/10

na na na: a banger!! strip away my friend 9/10

bulletproof heart: a good song but not a strip song 1/10

sing: sorry this song is [REDACTED] it gets no score

planetary (go!): you could try to strip to this but it’s such a classic four-on-the-floor that i think you’d end up just regular dancing to it and forget to be sexy so 4/10

the only hope for me is you: are you doing a strip tease for michael bay. stop. put ur shirt back on shia lebeouf 0/10

party poison: like this is a hilarious option and i support you but realistically it’s pretty fast for a strip song 3/10

save yourself, i’ll hold them back: this is a safe option. Too Safe. almost soulless. a person who’d strip to this would avoid eye contact the entire time and never smile and later when you went out for a smoke break you’d overhear them on the phone with their ex arguing over child support payments. 4/10

s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w: the more i think about it the more fun the idea of stripping to this becomes so i say go for it 6/10

summertime: i’m Certain that gerard would prefer if you didn’t -5/10

destroya: is this objectively the best mcr song to strip to? Absolutely. it’s got everything you could possibly want right down to built-in moans and fever dream drums. but the only person in the universe who Can Must and Should strip to this song is gerard. sorry them’s the breaks. ∞/10 but only if you’re gerard way

kids from yesterday: don’t. 0/10

vampire money: 100% yes you should strip to this. bonus points for stealth twilight references 1000000/10

we don’t need another song about california: do i like this song? yes. is it sexy? no. 0/10

black dragon fighting society: i can’t understand what the FUCK gerard is saying in this song AT ALL so i can’t recommend that u strip to it b/c i have no fucking idea what it’s ABOUT 0/10

f.t.w.w.w.: i mean. this song is about eating pussy. and robots that are built specifically to fuck. so yes you can strip to this but you gotta dress up like a pornbot 100/10

mastas of ravencroft: again i cannot understand most of the fucking words and the ones i do understand are something something RICKETY BONES RICKETY HANDS so like. probably not the one 0/10

boy division: i could go either way on this one like it’s really fast but it’s also about cocaine so??? 3/10

tomorrow’s money: while this song slaps overall violent nihilism does not a strip song make 1/10

ambulance: no. 0/10

gun.: antiwar messages are sexy but not the right kind for stripping 1/10

the world is ugly: PLEASE no. 0/10

the light behind your eyes: oh my god this is so DEPRESSING why would you want to strip to this who hurt you -2000000/10

kiss the ring: yes yes yes it’s got built-in audience participation conceit factor if u let ur audience kiss ur ring, totally works 10/10

make room!!!: again, slaps, but not a strip song 1/10

surrender the night: dude we talked about this!!! dying violently w/ ur loved ones is Not Sexy!!! 0/10

burn bright: i guess you could strip to this but again it’s Too Safe tread carefully 3/10

fake your death: i want frank iero to strip to this song so i can throw tomatoes at him for being a LYING SACK OF SHIT FOR TWO YEARS i’m not gonna rate this one but frank if ur out there i have a basket of slightly squishy heirloom tomatoes and i am COMING FOR YOU

[commander-diomika]

Wild What the Heart Wants

Fandom: Rusty Quill Gaming Pairing: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde Rating: Explicit Word Count: ~4000 Additional Tags: Somnophilia, Drugged Sex, Rope Bondage, Japanese Rope Bondage, Frottage, Dubious Consent, Magic Made Them Do It, (sort of), pining Summary: "It was hour three, or thirty three, when Zolf heard clunking sounds.

Turning to look, he saw Wilde, his scruffy hair and shoulders of his furred jacket, emerging from the hatch a few feet behind the helm.

“Wilde?” Zolf asked, peering over his shoulder.

Wilde didn’t respond and continued to rise from the hatch with a very unnatural movement. It took careful consideration for Zolf to make sense of it, glancing repeatedly back over his shoulder. Wilde wasn’t climbing out of the hatch; he was wrapped in a thick length of rope, unconscious, and was being dragged up out of the hold.

The ship had been quietly tacking itself for some time now, but this was new."

Read on Ao3

OR

Zolf had lost track of time.

The shifting phases and ribbons of the borealis were hypnotic. It was like a heat haze inside his mind, contrasting with the chill air on his cheeks. The ship seemed to respond eagerly to his every touch, anticipating and giving Zolf exactly what he wanted. He didn’t know if he should be fighting it, or simply accepting his good fortune.

He shook his head as if to clear it, for the hundredth time that hour, for the tenth time in as many minutes, for some fractions of moments of time. He could hear nothing but the gentle chimes for what seemed like an eternity, or a brief moment. He could still see the inky black sky and stars above if he strained.

It was hour three, or thirty three, when he heard some clunking sounds.

Turning to look, he saw Wilde, his scruffy hair and shoulders of his big, furred jacket, emerging from the hatch a few feet behind the helm.

“Wilde?” Zolf asked, peering over his shoulder, not taking his hands off the wheel. “Everythin’ alright?” He couldn’t quite process what he was seeing through the haze.

Wilde didn’t respond and continued to rise from the hatch with a very unnatural movement. It took careful consideration for Zolf to make sense of it, glancing repeatedly back over his shoulder. Wilde wasn’t climbing out of the hatch; he was wrapped in a thick length of rope, unconscious, and was being dragged up.

The ship had been quietly tacking itself for some time now, but this was new.

“Wilde?” Zolf asked again, pitched a little higher than last time. The bundled form that was Wilde fully emerged, and was carefully deposited on the deck, flat on his back, for all appearances looking like he was being moved by a giant, gentle hand.

Zolf looked back at his instruments grimly. “Maybe it just thought I'd like some company.”

He took a scant moment to assess the situation. As much as Zolf had been apprehensive of what the borealis had to throw at them, so far it had been not much of anything except extremely unsettling… and exhausting. He locked the wheel and spun to check on Wilde.

The man was unconscious, bundled from hips to shoulders in rope, arms pinned, in a way that looked to Zolf’s eye quite comfortable. Zolf knelt and checked him over; there didn’t appear to be anything wrong with him, aside from the fact that he was fast asleep.

Sleeping in a way that kept on, even as he was being dragged up out of the hold. Zolf thought, lips pursed. If being hauled about hadn’t woken him, Zolf doubted anything he could do might change the situation, but he tried anyway.

“Wilde,” Zolf said again, taking him by the shoulders and shaking him, taking care not to knock his head against the deck. Nothing. No response.

“Oi!” Zolf shouted down into the hold. “Anyone alive down there? Cel? Azu!”

No sound of movement. No sounds at all except for the bright ringing in his ears.

He took a quick glace up at the bow, as a particularly lurid ribbon of colour wafted past his eyes. Nothing needed his immediate attention, but Zolf’s instincts were rattling. This could be a trap. A distraction. Why else would the magic have brought him Wilde? Of all the people it could have hauled up here, why Oscar bloody Wilde?

He repeated Wilde’s name, leaning down to speak almost conspiratorially into an ear. “Wilde, I hate your hair.” Still nothing.

Steeling himself, and wondering why this felt so wrong, when once upon a time he’d dreamed of doing just this, he moved to crack a hard slap across Wilde’s face. Zolf felt like his hand moved through water, sluggish and thick, but the impact went as planned, as if there was no resistance in the air at all. Wilde’s head jolted to the side, overly long hair flopping into his face, but no response. Zolf was stuck there in that moment, watching as the impact slowly brought up a red outline on Wilde’s cheek.

He was much more attractive when he wasn’t talking.

Zolf knelt up on his haunches, nonplussed and shaking off the fugue for the umpteenth time. No kind of magical sleep he was familiar with would hold up after that, which was deeply worrying, but not surprising. With another quick glance over the supine man, Zolf decided this wasn’t an immediate problem. Hell, maybe it was better that Wilde was unconscious, because at least he didn’t have to listen to the man talk.

He did need to keep an eye on him, however. Lacing his hands into the rope at Wilde’s collarbone and waist, he easily hefted the sleeping body up and forward on the deck, toward the nook at the prow where the crew had taken to socialising of an evening. Again, taking care not to knock Wilde’s head about, he wedged Wilde in a spot where he would hopefully be secure. The ropes were now still, but when Zolf went looking for an tail end or a knot, they slithered eerily, keeping any point of ingress away from Zolf’s searching hands. There was something teasing in the movement, as though the ropes were laughing at his attempts.

“Ok, you want him, you can keep him.” Zolf shrugged bemusedly and returned to the helm.

The travelling was smooth. Smoother than it was outside the borealis. The glide of the Vengeance through the air was unnervingly even, with none of the wafts of turbulence that normally shook the vessel. Even the chimes were soothing. The ship barely needed him anymore, rolling itself through the sky with a will of its own, a will that so far, perfectly matched Zolf’s. He lost himself in it, keeping his gaze steady on where he guessed the horizon might be through all the colours.

He was brought back by sounds of shuffling movement. He glanced over to Wilde and noted the rope had unspooled itself. For a heartbeat Zolf thought that maybe this dreamscape was coming to an end. Then the ropes started tendrilling their way into Wilde’s clothes. They travelled a slalom through the line of buttons down his coat. Zolf watched, still feeling dreamy and distant.

He snapped back to himself when the wiggling rope started to work the buttons open.

“Hey!” He yelled. He gave the instruments a rushed glance, snapped a look out to the imagined horizon. In the time it took for that quick check, the rope had completely opened the jacket and was working on the line of buttons of Wilde’s ivory undershirt, bizarrely fast in comparison to the dreamy quality of evening air.

“Oi! It’s cold out here!” was the first thing that popped out of mouth. He had no idea why that was his first thought. He couldn’t think about the deeply surreal situation he was in. He was yelling at a rope which was undressing his, friend, on an airship flying through the most peaceful of storms, and every other living creature on the ship had slipped into an impossible sleep. He didn’t know what he was doing and this was beyond the pale. The rope had finished its work on the soft undershirt and was moving toward the clasp of Wilde’s trousers, and Zolf’s cheekbones felt high and hot against the gentle touch of the passing wind.

He let go of the wheel and rushed over.

In the process of the rope unspooling from around Wilde’s torso, he’d gradually been laid flat on the deck, in the lee of some crates. Both layers on his upper body had been efficiently unbuttoned, baring a line of skin from clavicle to stomach. Zolf’s eyes drew unthinkingly to the soft line of dark hair that ran from Wilde’s navel to the top button of his trousers, which a rope was just starting to experimentally pluck at.

Zolf dropped to his knees next to the sleeping Wilde, reaching for the moving rope. It seemed to predict his movements, slipping and sliding away from his hands. Zolf’s fingertips brushed over the skin of Wilde’s stomach and he yanked the hand back as if burned. One rope-end wound out of the busy mess and waggled, like a scolding finger saying no no, none of that, just let us do this for you.

With stunning dexterity, the rope dodged Zolf’s grasp again, and popped the first button on Wilde’s slacks.

Zolf frantically ran through his mental list of spells and tools. He cast Dispel Magic with a wave, and for the briefest of moments the searching ropes stilled. He had time for one relieved exhale before they twitched back to life. Of course. The whole bloody ship was marinating in the borealis, there was no way he was going to win this fight going toe-to-toe magically.

“Arrgh! Stop it!” he cried, once again trying to get a hold of the ropes and failing. “What d’you think you’re doin’?”

He knew it was bonkers, completely unhinged, to feel like the ropes were replying to him, but somehow the waggling end reappeared and with a little shrug-like wave, he knew it was saying we’re helping.

“You’re not- do you- do you think you’re doing me a favour?!” The ropes had briefly lost their hold on Wilde’s fly and instead now were working on shimmying his arms free of his shirt and jacket. The effect was nauseating to watch.

The ropes didn’t deign to respond to his comment, and Zolf, utterly poleaxed, sat back on his haunches again. It was a good thing that the ship was taking care of itself, because Zolf Smith was not currently in any position to help.

Wilde, still peaceful despite this flurry of activity around his body, gave a small sigh. A contented, pleasured sound, and Zolf realised with dawning horror that even though Wilde was out for the count, his body was still responding. Ropes, now weaved and wiggling through the trouser buttons, shifted slightly from the pressure of Wilde’s erection.

“Oh no no, shit,” he moaned, and ran his hands through his hair.

Pop pop pop, the last three button’s on Wilde’s fly gave and Zolf made a sudden decision. This right here? Was just not something he had to deal with. He also decided that he wasn’t curious, that he wasn’t thinking about the soft press of his lips against Wilde’s cheek, and that he had more important things to be doing than watching this perverse unwrapping.

On the few steps back to the helm, a thought coalesced. It was the thought that this whole situation was responding to something that he had asked for, had yearned for. Then the thought wafted away like one of the incandescent and ephemeral light streamers passing through his body.

He stared, dead ahead across the wheel, glancing at the instruments but not taking anything in.

The chimes seemed softer now, as thought he was hearing them in his mind and not with his ears, and the whispered noises of cloth and rope on skin pressed in on him. He ignored the insistent part of his mind, begging him to dip his eyes slightly left and see… whatever the animate ropes were up to now. He tried to slip back into that dreamy, relaxed state that had typified the journey through the aurora before Wilde had been dragged up here.

“I don’t want this. I didn’t ask for this,” he said to himself, to the magic around him and passing through him, his eyes locked on the prow slicing silently through the night.

The passage of time slipped through his grasp like water. The chimes seemed to draw nearer in waves then form eddies that he swore he could feel tickling his sensitive ears.

He had no memory of the rustling of clothes ceasing. He didn’t remember leaving the wheel to stand over Wilde’s sleeping body.

The ropes had finished their task of stripping him naked. He lay bare atop the cushioning of his furs, and the ropes had wrapped themselves artfully, carefully, over the body. A row of expert knots walked a line over his smattering of chest hair, from the hollow of his throat to his navel, lines of rope radiating out to loop around his ribs, back, twine together and spiral around his arms, holding them to his side. The radiating diamond shapes continued down his legs to the anti-magic cuffs in impressively complex patterns.

Now, Zolf was good with knots, and he’d seen Wilde naked, but he’d never seen anything like this before.

His legs felt heavy as he dropped to his knees with a metallic clank. He noted a detail that had been missed with the first sweep of his eyes; low on Wilde’s stomach, just above his half-hard cock, the ropes came together to make an absurd bow.

Like a present.

Zolf slapped himself in the face, ground his teeth together, and stood. He half turned with the intention of getting a blanket, because aside from the hot embarrassment churning in his stomach, the deck of an airship flying through the Northern Wastes was no place to be naked. As he turned, however, he noticed that he wasn't actually cold. The closer he came to this small lee on the bow, the warmer he felt, and not just from the heat in his face and ears. If he squinted, he could even see that the wafts of the visible spectrum of the wild magic seemed to have taken on a warmer hue.

“Ok,” he muttered. “I get it. At least you’re not tryin’ to kill him.”

The trailing ends of the bow undulated, as if to say We know! Didn’t we do a good job?

Zolf sighed, and slumped down next to Wilde. He’d lost it. He’d completely lost the plot somewhere in this borealis and this was all a nightmare of the most ghoulish and punishing kind. He’d been expecting strange, even dangerous. He hadn’t been expecting targeted.

Defeated, he looked at Wilde’s sleeping face. The man looked… peaceful in a way that Zolf rarely saw these days. No frown adorned his forehead, no smirk on his lips. Even the scar dragging at his mouth seemed less tight, less painful in sleep.

Instinctively, Zolf leant down and pressed a closed kiss to Wilde’s lips. They were soft, much plusher than Zolf’s ever had been. The sleeping man didn’t kiss back of course, but Zolf was overwhelmed by the vision of what that might feel like, to have Wilde part his lips into the kiss, to have him wind his long-fingered, delicate human hands into Zolf’s hair.

He sat back up quickly. It wasn’t like that, of course. Or if it was like that, he couldn’t hope to have that desire reciprocated. It was laughable that someone like Oscar Wilde, practically a professional libertine, would ever… anyway.

Zolf cast heavy eyes over the ship. He’d given up trying to give the ship orders. If he tried to work against his own instincts for the sailing, the ship simply read his mind and continued on the optimal path anyway. If the Vengeance decided to sail itself into the side of a mountain, there didn’t seem to be much he could do about it. And he was so tired.

The now-familiar sound of rope moving on skin started up again, breaking Zolf out of a moment of reverie. The ropes around Wilde’s legs were shifting again, pulling and sliding over themselves in a complicated series of hitches, and Wilde’s knees bent and started to lift away from the deck.

Zolf stared, tired and numb for a moment, before he guessed where his new hempen friends were going with this.

“Oh gods, no!” Zolf said, and quicker and nimbler than he generally was, surged up from seated to straddle Wilde’s thighs, flattening them back to the deck. The ropes, however, were insistent that Wilde’s legs continue to bend, wanting him to bring his knees up into his chest.

The ropes were strong, strong enough to drag someone wholesale from below deck. As they fought to enact their vision, against the pressure of the dwarf straddling Wilde’s thighs, they started to restrict, pressing hard into the pale skin of Wilde’s legs, digging into his hips

“Stop it!” Zolf yelled. The fact that he was now just unabashedly arguing with a rope was a piece of lunacy he’d stopped questioning. “You’re hurting him!”

That… didn’t exactly seem to be true. It was clear that Wilde didn’t mind the sensations of the rope constricting his flesh, dragging on his skin. There was now a flush high in his cheeks, and his breath was catching into small, pleasurable whimpers. Glancing down before he could stop himself, Zolf noted Wilde was as hard as he could be, cock flushed and pulled tight against the plane of his lower stomach.

Zolf swallowed.

In a last-ditch effort, the ropes yanked, and Zolf’s arse slid forward, his upper body pitching, hands flung wide to catch himself before he faceplanted into Wilde’s sternum. He breathed out, hard.

Zolf had no memory of his own erection swelling. Had it been the kiss? Had it been the feel of Wilde’s thighs, trembling beneath his? The sound of rope sliding on skin? Had he been hard, throbbing, since the ropes started to shamelessly pluck open Wilde’s slacks?

He hadn’t been aware of it, but he was aware of it now, the laces of his trousers tight, pressed flush to the base of Wilde’s prick. Foggy, blurry, he lent weight into his hands and ground down, eliciting another whimper from Wilde. Arousal and shame were heavy in Zolf’s stomach, sick pleasure shooting up his spine from the contact. He sat up, the movement pushing their crotches together again.

“Don’t,” he whispered. To himself? To the borealis? To Wilde, as though he had somehow asked for this, the way that something inside Zolf had? To whomever he spoke made no difference, as Zolf unlaced his trousers. Wilde’s cock was unbearably warm as Zolf slid his fingers under it. He pressed the underside of Wilde’s shaft to his own, breath hitching, mind blank, and wrapped both hands around the two of them.

Wilde was achingly, pathetically hard, wetness caught in the hair on his stomach where the head of his cock had rested, and when Zolf firmed his hands, a moan escaped Wilde’s sleeping lips. Zolf pumped his hands, slowly, breath ragged. He closed his eyes, let his head fall back and just felt the heat of them together.

Wilde was whimpering, breathy, and Zolf opened his eyes to look again.

Wilde looked utterly fucking gorgeous. Zolf paused a moment, ignoring the sick swoop of shame in his stomach, and gave a practised, long wet lick of one hand. He returned them to let his saliva mingle with the slick of pre-come, and increased the pace, now unable to tear his eyes from Wilde’s face. The dreamlike quality of the borealis intensified, as though satisfied, and everything seemed to narrow down to wet slide of their cocks, and the sleepy whimpers escaping Wilde’s soft mouth.

When Zolf had imagined what it might be like, and he had, on late nights on the border between wakefulness and sleep, Wilde hadn’t been like this. In those nascent fantasies he was always perfectly in control, smirking, calculated. Never in his wildest imaginings had he thought of Oscar like this, helpless and desperate and softly whining under his hands.

Wilde’s eyelids fluttered. Zolf’s heart swooped in panic at the sight, but he quickly realised what was happening, as Wilde’s stomach tensed, and he came with a relieved-sounding sigh. Adrenaline mixed with desperate arousal smashed into Zolf as he felt Wilde’s cock pulse against his, a line of slick running onto his hands. Zolfs orgasm tore through him, and he let out a frayed moan.

He jumped up as though electrified. Hands shaking as he laced his trousers, he noticed the borealis abating. Almost as though it had been waiting for them to finish.

Zolf stared down Wilde, naked and splashed with their combined spend. A perverse thought flitted through his mind, that even if he didn’t have time to clean this up, it probably wouldn’t be the first time Wilde had awoken in such a state.

“… Fuck.” He whispered. Before he could panic or whirl back to the helm, a bucket and wash cloth scraped its way into his line of sight. As Zolf cleaned up, he noticed Wilde’s clothes themselves starting to move, something sheepish in their demeanor as they started to wind their way back onto their owner’s body. Ropes unknotted themselves and started to help and to tidy. A loose end gave a jaunty gesture that could only be interpreted as a thumbs up.

A slightly hysterical laugh broke from Zolf’s mouth. At least this particular problem was handling itself. Zolf shook off his laughter and dashed back to the helm. If the magic was abating, the ship was going to come to rights, that was, to lose the sentience that it had displayed during their time in the borealis.

Blessedly, Wilde was fully dressed by the time he came to. If he had questions about why he was on the deck when he’d started this adventure in the anti-magic chamber, he didn’t have time to ask them in the ensuing chaos, as the crew woke and discovered their bodies were no longer their own.

--

It was very easy to avoid being alone with someone on a ship the size of the Vengeance with a crew of eighteen. Especially if you are the first mate. Always things to do. Hell, you could even avoid talking to someone at all if you were as busy and important as Zolf made sure he was.

So it wasn’t until days later, as the crew drank and made merry on the night of the Grande Opening of the Bow Bar, that Wilde managed to ruin Zolf’s streak by catching a quiet moment and sitting down next to him.

“I feel like I had the strangest dream through the borealis,” Wilde began, looking sidelong at Zolf with an uncharacteristically impassive gaze.

Zolf’s stomach dropped. He went to speak, found his throat locked, and took a swig of his stout. He was hoping that Wilde would continue, but it seemed he was content to let Zolf stew. “You… you remember much of it?” Zolf rasped.

“Bits and pieces,” Wilde replied. “Combined with where and how I awoke, it certainly paints an… interesting picture.”

Zolf stared down into his drink, unable to meet Wilde’s eyes. “Listen. You know I gotta see this through but, after… after Svalbard and whatever happens next, I’ll leave. You’ll never have to speak to me again.” Zolf’s stomach hurt. That it would end like this… it was unbearable. “I- I’m sorry.”

Wilde sighed, deep and world-weary. Zolf glanced up and to his confusion, there was a familiar, indulgent smirk on Wilde’s lips. Zolf was expecting disgust, disdain, and yet.

“Zolf… The ship was flying itself, and from what I can tell, it was leading us to where we all wanted to go. You can be so… wilfully blind. Stubborn, too.”

Zolf’s jaw hung open, as Wilde stood and clasped his shoulder with a warmth that Zolf didn’t deserve. Dropping his voice a touch to prevent the other merry-makers overhearing, Wilde continued. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll be awake next time. The rope probably not so much, but I’ve seen how good you are with knots.”

Wilde smiled winningly, let go of Zolf’s shoulder, and returned to the party.

[xsunsetdawnx]

Spongebob the musical: song ratings

Bikini bottom day: 10/10

I’ll be honest. Starting my day with this song is a guilty pleasure of mine… except it’s not very guilty bc this song is AMAZING. It really feels like we’re walking through bikini bottom. All the character introductions set the tone perfectly.

No control 7/10

This song was really fun… for the the first minute. I love the apocalypse vibe and the ensemble is actually one of my favorite parts. It’s a pretty decent way to do exposition, having perch Perkins say it all was clever. The set was kinda cool to.

BFF 8/10

It’s just a really wholesome best friend song and that’s all it has to be. Ethan and Danny complement each other very well in the duet and I love how the song builds.

When the going gets tough 7/10

It’s just… eh. It’s that this was planktons villain song so I had big expectations for it. When spongebob and him started getting into the rap battle that was really fun but sadly it only lasted for a few lines. I wish they just went that route with it.

Simple sponge 10/10

This song is amazing! The beat is beautiful and everything about it radiates the positive spongebob energy we all need. It’s very relatable with themes of growing up, self doubt, legacy and positivity. It actually really helped me with my anxiety- it shows him breaking down that mindset which is great to see. The choreograph is fantastic, it gives it a fantasy like feel. And dam can Ethan SING

Daddy knows best 8/10

This is some really cool character exploration. Pearl belting over Krabs is amazing and I love how he just increasing gets more nuts through this all. Also spongebob is in a dress for absolutely zero reason and I think that just sums up this musical

Hero is my middle name 8/10

This suffers similarly to no control where it’s fun for a few minutes but gets boring. It’s a really cute “we can do it!” song and manages not to be that cheesy.

Super sea star savor 7/10

I’m not even surprised that Patrick has a gospel song from a cult that worships him. It’s pretty funny actually, this song is off the walls bonkers but so is the show. It would have been easy to make Patrick seem selfish here but they just made him seem enjoying this situation on the last day on earth. But again- it drags on like a lot of the songs during this scene.

Tomorrow is 8/10

Obligatory “let’s sing about the GRAND adventure we’ll have after the intermission” song. Everyone has good lines in the song but come on… I want to buy an over priced t-shirt and get on with the real adventure. It is pretty bittersweet so I’ll give it that.

Poor pirates 6/10

“Hey a lot of kids are gonna see this musical and theyll be getting pretty bored right about now. Idk let’s just throw in some pirates so they don’t get squirmy” It is a half decent sea shanty though.

Bikini bottom boogie 7/10

This is supposed to be a major plot point and it’s just… forgettable. I mean it’s a really good rock song but with all the other iconic songs that just came it’s not the best way to open to second act.

Chop to the top 8/10

I’m so glad they didn’t just cut to when they arrived at the top and actually showed the journey. The latter choreography and set is very clever and fun to watch.

Miss you 7/10

Idk… it should be wholesome and cute but it just seems like a generic song anyone could sing.

I’m not a loser 10/10

I’m SO glad they gave squidward a Broadway number. The tap dancing was very clever and SO well pulled off by Cody. I like how at the start he thinks he’s crazy but just goes with it. I love the contrast from simple sponge- it really shows the difference in the characters and gives everyone something to relate to.

Best day every 10/10

I cried. Growing up this song held a very special place in my heart, making me feel like I could do anything on a bad day. Back then I didn’t really hear the lyrics but hey it was upbeat and that’s all little me needed. As I got older I forgot about it and just turned into another goofy spongebob song. 10 years later I was sitting in the theater and every single lyric hit me with a punch. The overwhelming optimism and ability to make the worst day the best with a simple minset? Pure tears

[lady-divine-writes]

Good Omens - “Angel’s Christmas Wish” (Rated NC17)

Summary: Crowley doesn't know what to get his angel for Christmas. It becomes such an issue, it creates a time-loop, forcing Crowley to re-live the day until he gets it right. (2263 words)

Notes: Written for @theantichristmaszine  2020 :)

Read on AO3.

“Oh, Aziraphale … darling …” A soft pause. A hard swallow. “Look at me, angel … please …”

Aziraphale’s eyelids flutter open - nerves and self-doubt fighting to keep them shut. And they almost win. It’s hard to be seen this way - vulnerable, open, full of this beautiful demon who’s doing his level best to please him, to fulfill his every desire.

And he’s succeeding.

Which is why opening his eyes is so hard.

Opening his eyes would mean letting Crowley see into him, expose the fact that he wants this, everything about it - the sacred connection between hearts and souls.

The carnal connection between skin and skin.

But Crowley’s pleas to him are so sweet, Aziraphale can’t deny him.

He stares up at his demon, eyes glistening with tears.

“There you are,” Crowley whispers. “I thought you might have disappeared on me.”

“Never, my dear. I’m right here. I’m with you. And I always will be.”

Crowley sweeps a thumb underneath Aziraphale’s eye and collects a single tear. He brings it to his lips and kisses it away. Then he leans in and kisses his angel again.

Aziraphale didn’t know he’d started crying but he can’t help himself. It’s not a habit of his. He’s not a ninny. But this moment, this one right here, with Crowley hovering over him, arms wrapped around him, moving with him in a slow rhythm, is the most magical moment of his entire existence.

From where this night began to where it ended up, this is nothing short of a miracle in Aziraphale’s eyes …

***

“Dearest? Why do you look so glum?” Aziraphale asks, handing Crowley a glass of champagne. “It’s Christmas!”

“Of course, it’s Christmas!” Crowley grumps, grabbing the glass from Aziraphale’s hands and knocking the alcohol back in one go. “It’s always Christmas!”

Aziraphale stutters a laugh, staring at Crowley as if his demon has suddenly gone bonkers. “What on earth do you mean it’s always Christmas? It isn’t always Christmas. Christmas only comes around once a year!”

“Not for us, it doesn’t,” Crowley mutters. “For some strange reason, we’ve been through this over a hundred times!”

“We as in the world? Or we as in you and me?”

“The world! And no matter what, I still get it wrong!”

Aziraphale watches Crowley rearrange his legs underneath him on the sofa. He gets up and paces, then sits down again. Aziraphale waits a moment longer before he comes up with a response. It’s not Crowley’s words that give him pause. It’s the tone of his voice, his body language. What he’s saying may sound ridiculous, but from the way he’s behaving - taking an anxious lap around the room with his shoulders tensed and his hands shoved into his pockets, as if waiting for a bomb to drop - Aziraphale can’t do much of anything other than believe him.

“You’re going to have to forgive me but I don’t understand,” he says, fishing for clarity. “This is the first Christmas we’ve spent together. Well, spent together as a couple. There was that one year …”

“No! No, it isn’t!” Crowley interrupts before Aziraphale can derail the conversation. “I don’t know what’s going on, Aziraphale, or how! I honestly don’t! But this is the 132nd Christmas we’ve spent together! We exchange gifts, have dinner, go to bed, wake up, and it’s Christmas all over again! And I can’t figure out why!” Crowley drops onto the sofa and buries his head in his hands.

“Oh,” Aziraphale says, topping off his demon’s glass, then taking the seat beside him. “Well, that … that is a puzzler … isn’t it?”

***

“I love you, Aziraphale,” Crowley utters. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I …” He doesn’t necessarily have Aziraphale’s attention, but it’s like the words aren’t for him to hear. Just for Crowley to say. But in the quiet of the room, Aziraphale does hear them.

“You know, my dear,” he says into the crook of Crowley’s neck, “if you had told me a year ago that we would finally get to this point, I would have thought you’d gone mad.”

“I was going mad,” Crowley admits. “Every time I saw you, I dropped hints like they were breadcrumbs and you … well, you never seemed to notice.”

‘Hints?’ Aziraphale’s brow wrinkles, thinking back on their every interaction, every conversation, trying to discern when Crowley had dropped any hints of any kind. Aside from saving those books from that church bombing (which may have made up for any hints Aziraphale missed) he is pressed to remember a single one.

“They must have been subtle,” Aziraphale deduces out loud.

“I was trying not to be too forward. Demon, you know.”

“Yes, my dear,” Aziraphale says with a fond sigh for his ridiculous lover.

Crowley chuckles. Then his brow wrinkles as well. “Wait … did you say finally?”

“Yes. I did.”

“But that would mean you thought we would get to this point eventually.”

“You did, too. What with all your hint dropping.”

“No, I didn’t know,” Crowley argues. “I hoped.”

Aziraphale pushes lightly on Crowley’s shoulders, tilting his head to look into his eyes. “I knew,” he says softly. “Deep down inside, I have always known.”

***

“Do you have any leads?” Aziraphale asks, getting caught up in the excitement of this mystery, even as his poor demon wallows in the angst.

“I think …” Crowley begins, tapping his heel on the floor as he thinks “… it’s the present.”

“What about the past? And the future? If we’re repeating time …”

“No no no!” Crowley interrupts. “Not the present present! The present present!”

Aziraphale frowns. “What?”

“Present as in gift. My gift to you.”

“But I love my present!” Aziraphale gushes, putting a hand to his waistcoat pocket and retrieving the gift Crowley gave him. “This is a perfectly beautiful pocket watch! No little screens or beeping buttons. Just a simple, elegant piece of machinery.”

“That’s just it! It is a perfectly beautiful pocket watch! And it’s just the kind of thing you’d appreciate. But it’s obviously not the thing! Not the right thing! Yesterday, I gave you a perfectly beautiful book of poetry …”

“Oh! Who wrote it?” Aziraphale asks, eyes gleaming.

“Wat? Uh … Byron, I think.”

“Oh,” Aziraphale replies, slightly disappointed.

“Wat? Wat’s wrong with Byron?” Crowley asks, curious if this could be the reason why they’re here today. If he can find out what’s wrong with his presents, then he can get Aziraphale the right one and the two of them the Heaven out of this mess!

“Nothing’s wrong with Byron. It’s simply that … well, I like your writing better.”

Crowley scoffs in frustration.

Nope. That didn’t help him at all.

“And the day before that, it was a perfectly beautiful bottle of 1947 Cheval-Blanc. Every gift I’ve given you has been perfectly beautiful in your own words. But it’s not, because I wake up every morning and here we are again, celebrating Christmas! And I want to move on from here, Aziraphale! I want to go forward with you! How do I do that? How do I break the loop?”

***

Crowley’s body is exceptional.

Simply exquisite.

If Azirapahle didn’t know for a fact that Crowley had refined his corporation himself, he would say that Crowley’s body is the Almighty’s best work.

Aziraphale knows things like physical beauty aren’t supposed to be important, but the fact of the matter is Crowley has created a facade that is not only pleasing to the eye, but which fits his personality to a T.

If one wanted an accurate first impression of the demon Crowley, they would not want to look to his true form, but into the eyes and winning smile of this glorious creature.

Unlike Hastur. That rotting, maggot-ridden, gray-skinned ghoul with the soulless black eyes?

That’s who Duke Hastur truly is.

Aziraphale can’t stop looking at his demon’s body.

Not to mention the things he can do with it.

Aziraphale supposes that’s part and parcel with being a demon - knowing how to inspire lust.

But the things Crowley is doing to him, the way he makes him feel …

… Aziraphale, with his vast knowledge of human linguistics, can’t seem to find the words for.

There are no words powerful enough to describe the sensation of Crowley’s lips on his skin, or his hands feeling out erogenous zones Aziraphale never realized existed. These corporations they use to fit in on earth, they are so frail. So delicate from the standpoint of a supernatural entity. When he first got his, he had to take great care always not to harm the thing.

But that became easier the more he grew to love it.

Apparently God made up for the frailty of the human body by giving them this incredible gift of physical intimacy. And for humans especially, an intimacy with no purpose other than for two beings to simply enjoy one another.

And Aziraphale is grateful that he gets this opportunity to sample it.

***

“If you ask me, I would say that we’re stuck in a loop you’ve created, since you’re the only one who seems to know it exists,” Aziraphale says, sounding utterly nonplussed by the whole sticky affair. “Therefore, only you can break it.”

“But how!? What am I missing? What is the right thing? What do I need to give you that I haven’t given you already?”

Aziraphale looks down into his flute of bubbling alcohol and smiles a wistful little smile. “Oh, my dear, that’s just the thing.”

“Wat do you mean?” Crowley asks, poised on the brink of desperation. He may have created this loop, but he very much believes that angel holds the key to shattering it. “Wat’s the thing?”

“You don’t need to give me anything. Nothing you would purchase in a store, at least.”

“Wat … wat else is there?” Crowley asks, perplexed.

Aziraphale turns his body towards him, leans in a hair closer, and looks deep into his eyes. “Think,” he says. “A little harder.”

***

“I’m yours, you know …” Crowley whispers through a veil that sounds like tears..

“What’s that, dear?”

“I’m yours.” He sniffs. “Have been. For as long as we’ve known one another. No …” Crowley wipes his left cheekbone with the back of his hand. “No, since the moment I saw you standing on that blasted wall. It’s the most ludicrous, most inconceivable thing in the world for me to say. There were so many times I thought I was lying to myself. But it’s true. Ever since then, Aziraphale …” Crowley stops, looks at Aziraphale to make sure he hasn’t lost him in his confession.

The smile on his angel’s face tells him that’s not likely.

“I’m yours,” he repeats.

“How come you never told me?”

Crowley shrugs. “Would it have made any difference? You’re an angel. I’m a demon. We aren’t exactly a perfect match.”

“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong, my love,” Aziraphale says, putting a hand to his demon’s cheek. “We are a perfect match. And I know this because I’ve been yours as well … you foul fiend.”

***

Crowley shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

“Well, my dear …” Aziraphale clears his throat but tightens his jaw, what he’s about to say making him a bit uncomfortable “… at the end of any of these loops, have you made love to me?” He clears his throat again, his cheeks warming, glowing pink.

“Oh …” Crowley hadn’t expected that. He sits up, which moves him away from his angel - which wasn’t his intention “… uh … n---no. No, I haven’t.”

“Then you’re right.” Aziraphale dares to shimmy closer with his cheeks burning now. “You haven’t found the thing yet. Because, to be quite honest … that’s what I wanted. Th---that’s what I was hoping for.”

“You want me … to make love to you? For Christmas?”

“O---only if you want to. I would never assume … or imply … which is to say, I wouldn’t want to force you to …”

***

“Oh Gahhh …!”

“Don’t say it!” Aziraphale hushes, giggling. “The consequences of that could be disastrous!”

“I know, I know. It’s just … I think I understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Why humans call out her name … during sex, I mean. Making love … it’s kind of like praying, isn’t it?”

Aziraphale swallows hard, fear pooling in his stomach with the thought that now that Crowley has come to that realization, he’ll never want to do this again. “Do you hate it?”

“No. Not at all. Not so long as I’m with you.”

***

Aziraphale doesn’t finish his sentence.

Not because he falters.

But because Crowley’s mouth on his takes his breath away.

“I am … so stupid,” Crowley says against his angel’s lips, unwilling to leave his mouth. “I never realized. I should have told you,” he confesses between kisses - to Aziraphale’s mouth, to his cheeks, to the soft curls surrounding his face, “so many times. I should have told you how I felt. How much I loved you. And I tried. I tried so hard to think of something I could give you that would let you know …”

Aziraphale puts a hand to his demon's cheek, stares into amber eyes he has seen - and admired - hundreds of times. But now, he feels like he’s looking into them for the very first time. “You don’t need to give me anything. All I want for Christmas ... is you.”