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#existing so i wont say sorry but hey look by saying that ive said sorry!!!!! ugh!!!!!! hello relationship specific trauma fucking sucksss!!
robinismywifee · 1 year
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stargazing || e. williams
pairings ellie williams x fem!oc/reader carl grimes x oc x enid rhee (platonic bffs) daughter!oc x father!daryl dixon
summary TWD & TLOU crossover, takes place in alexandria basically if the group never met negan, daryl and aaron find joel and ellie and bring them in, 16 y/o ellie, mention of a not that important death in season 6 of TWD
warnings NSFW, dom!ellie, fingering, pet names (babe), smoking weed, mentions of drinking, ellie & oc are both virgins
a/n im mainly saying oc instead of reader because im using a name for her, (aimees/aime) cause i hate writing y/n but feel free to pretend its your name instead! any feedback & notes are appreciated, you may send requests but they have to be TWD or TLOU charaters x reader otherwise i wont do them, (no promises in general) this is my first tumblr post still trying to figure tumblr, out sorry if i fucked it up or something, i also dont proof read so theres probably a couple mistakes sorry 😭
wordcount 7.5k
carl placed down a red uno card, i smiled at that, placing down my red 5, "uno!" i shouted, holding the card close to my chest so they couldnt peek, my smile was soon dropped as enid placed down a green 2, i stood up placing my card down, revealing my red 4 to them, "i already lost" i mumbled, "rage quiter" carl called me, "im not a rage quitter! im just done playing with cheaters" i crossed my arms
"you so are a rage quitter aimees!" enid exclaimed, "and you so are a cheater!" i exclaimed back, "how are we cheating?" carl asked, "uh, cause you guys just are" i shrugged
"yeah right" carl scoffed jokingly
i watched them as they finished playing their uno game, enid ended up winning, "what time is it?" enid asked as she collected the messy cards around the table and placed them in the box
"uhhh.." i stood up, peeking my head in the kitchen to check the clock, "9:45" i yawned, i had woken up at 5am to go on a run and my eyes were getting heavy, ive been waiting for dad to get back but he hasnt yet.
"i think im gonna head back" i said, one thing about me is that even after being here for almost a year now, i still havent gotten use to sleeping in a real bed, at night in a real house, and i still have yet to call where i was staying, 'my home'
"yeah, me too" enid stood up aswell, "uhm.. enid?" i asked her, she knew what i was about to ask immediately, i hated sleeping alone, anytime my dad was out, i would ask enid to sleepover with me
enid gave me a sad-eyed look, "im sorry amiees, but i told maggie and glenn i'd be home for tonight" i shook my head with a small smile, "no worries, goodnight enid" i waves her off, she gave me a slight nod before she existed the house
i walked into the kicthen, carl was placing the snacks away, "hey" i said, he looked over his shoulder, his white eyepatch covering his old wound, "hey, i thought you weny home, whats up?" he asked, turning to face me
"could you please stay with me tonight? daryl hasnt gotten back yet, and enid needed to get home" i asked, "yea, let me just write my dad a note" he nodded with a smile
-
"hey, aimees" i heard a voice shake me awake, the sudden touch made me shot up and pull out my pocket knife that was under my pillow, but i immediately put it down when i realized it was just carl
"shit, you scared me" i panted, placing my knife back under my pillow, "sorry, i didnt mean to, but its almost 6:30 and im pretty sure your dads home" he said, his eye was tired and his hair was scruffy, meaning he had just woken up, but the topic of my dad made me shot out of bed, only in my socks, pajama plaid pants, and a thickstrap white tanktop without a bra, carl wore a grey hanley shirt and sweatpants
i opened up my door and ran down the steps, my dad was in the kicthen, talking to some other people but i didnt really care about them or have time to see who it was, i just ran up to my dad and hugged him which he of course hug back
"fuck you, you said you'd be back in a day!" i exclaimed as i pulled away, "i know, im sorry aimees, the storm slowed us down" he replied looking down at me, i knew the reason why he took an extra day was because of the rain storm but i couldnt care less, i still worried the worse possible thing
"i dont really care dad, you still said a day" i said with my head tilted, i wasnt actually mad, and he knew that, i was just annoyed that it took longer then normal and missed him
"yeah, i know, i missed you too" he rubbed my back gently, "can we have breakfast together? or are you gonna go back out again" i asked, "uh.." he hummed, i sighed, thinking he had to go back out again, but his gaze was around the room and not on me, i thought maybe he was looking at carl, but im always with either him or enid when he gets back
i turned my head to see what he was looking at, 2 people i've never seen before stood awkwardly a couple feet away from me, there was a man about the same age as my dad, and a girl about my age, the girl wore a white tanktop similar to mine with a white bandage around her right arm, with black skinny jeans, and converse. she had a side bang and her brown hair in a ponytail
"uh-" i stood there for a moment, before looking back to my dad, "are these the people?" i asked, he nodded slightly, i glanced back over to them, and back at my dad, "why are they here?" i asked, over the months, my dad and aaron have been bringing people and even a whole community back, they never once came to our house right, i mean maybe a few says after to stop by and say thanks or whatever, but they had just gotten here and were standing in our kicthen, dirt and sweat stuck to their skin
"ricks still out with michonne so i was tellin them the rules, and you're gonna give ellie some of your clothes" he pointed briefly at the girl, i turned back around, i nodded, i turned my head back to see carl standing there awkwardly too, "im ellie" the girl waved, her face was red, she. must be hot, i went to intruduce myself but the girl bumped her elbow into the man, motioning for him to intruduce himself, "im joel" he said, "hi.. im carl" carl said, standing behind me, "im aime" i smiled, i was actually quite happy dad brought home a girl my age, although carl and enid denied them dating, i still felt like i was always third wheeling
"aimees, why dont you go show them to their house next door, i havent slept in days" i didnt have time to reply as he walked off
"okay.." i mumbled, i looked down to my pajamas hanging over my socks, "uh, could you guys give us a second?" i asked, looking at joel and ellie, joel gave a stern nod, i looked over at carl, grabbing his wrist and led him away with me, i could feel the girls eyes on me as i left.
"i hated meeting new people before the dead started walking, and i hate it even more now" i whispered to carl as we walked up the steps, "yeah, i can tell" he said sarcastically, i shoved him as he hit the wall which made us both laugh
carl changed in my bathroom, as i changed in my room, putting on jeans, a bra, my shoes, and my holster with my gun and knife
"you coming with me to give them a tour right?" i asked carl, looking at him, "nah" he shrugged, i hit his shoulder, "yes you are" i yelled whispered, before we entered the kitchen, joel was in the same spot, while ellie was close up at an old family photo of me, my dad, and my mom
"sorry for the wait, we just woke up" i spoke, causing ellie and joel to look up from my sudden voice, "lets go" i nodded, as they followed me out my house
"uh, so, your guy's house is right next to mine" i said as i began to walk up the steps of the empty house, "hey aimees, im gonna go see if enid and maggie need help with the fence" he said from behind joel and ellie, ellie glanced at carl, but joels eyes stayed locked on ellie, i slowly died inside when he said that, i could tell ellie was looking at me but i still flipped off carl as he walked away with a smirk
"so where you guys from?" i asked, "houston" joel answered, that explains the accent, "boston" ellie answered, i looked at them confused, "oh you guys arent father and daughter? how do you know each other?" i asked, "long story" ellie answered, "okay, well, i mean.. this is your house, uhh, i dont think theres any blankets in your bedrooms and theres not any food, clothes or shower stuff, so you guys can like, i dont know, get situated? while i ran around alexandria and collect you guys a bunch of shit" i shrugged, unsure of what else to say
they both nodded, "ill try not to take to long, ill be back in maybe 30 minutes?" i said, unsure myself of how long it would take, "okay, thank you aime" joel nodded, "oh, uh, i know i introduced myself as aime but actually call me aimees, nobody calls me aime its actually kinda weird.. okay, see you" i said as i speed walked out the house
i walked in my house and let out the biggest sigh.
that was the most awkwardest thing ever.
i walked to my room, and took out about half my clothes for ellie, she only had a small school bookbag, so she probably only had a pair of underwear and some socks in there, if she was gonna live here now, she needed clothes
i folded them up, i was giving her my dark blue tanktop with spaghetti straps that was starting to fade, a grey tanktop with thick straps, a tan hanley that was too tight to fit me, a plaid flannel, light blue jeans, jean shorts, plaid pajama pants, 2 pairs of underwear, a black bra, and a pair of thick white socks. i hope thats good enough
i grabbed a basket and set everything in it, i opened the closet next to my bathroom, placing body washes, shampoos, and conditioners in the basket, along with 2 toothbrushes, 2 things of toothpaste, and a razor and tampons for ellie
i figured i'd drop what i had off right now since they we're probably dying for a shower, plus the basket was over flowing
i knocked on there door, but nobody came, i went to knock again but a voice from inside came- "COMING!" i could tell by the voice that it was ellie, as joels is 10 times deeper and has no emotion
i waited for a moment before the door opened, "hi ellie" i greeted, she stood there looking at me for a moment, she seemed she was deep in thought, "oh! sorry, come in" she said, opening the door wider, i smiled walking in, she shut the door behind me, "i- i dont have everything right i just brought clothes and shower stuff since i figured that was probably the first thing you would want to do, and while your showering i was gonna get the rest" i said, basket in hand
"oh- right- yeah, thank you" she said, taking the basket from me, "i didnt bring any clothes for joel cause i dont know where to get him any and my dad was asleep, but ill work on finding him stuff" i added, she nodded looking up at me, "hes passed out right now, and probably will be for the rest of the day" she shrugged, i laughed at her saying it so serious, she laughed with me, "okay, well, enjoy your shower.. im supposed to tell you to not use up too much hot water, but knock yourself out, i mean, i know on my first day i did" i said before i left her house
-
its been a 3 days since ellie and joel joined alexandria, ellie hasnt really gone outside at all, i havent really seen her since the first day of her being here, only through our windows, our rooms are both upstairs and our windows face eachother, they have blinds but i didnt realize her room was the one across from mine until i was about to sneak out of my window for a smoke the other night
joel been out a lot more then ellie, asking ways to help out, joel was scary, i avoided him, but to be fair, i avoided everyone who wasnt from the orginal group or who wasnt in alexandria when we got there
just like deanna had done for us way back at the start, carol was throwing a welcome party for ellie and joel, i knew carol didnt really care for them joining us, it was just her way of making herself seem like an innocent sweetheart. i admired her tactics, but i definitely was not looking forward to it.
"you guys are going to the party right?" i asked carl and enid, "my dads gonna make me" carl answered, i looked over to enid, she shrugged, "i dont know"
carl smiled, as we both looked at enid for an answer, "still don't know if ill go, i always thought it was stupid and weird when deanna had them and now carols having them?" enid said, "okay well, youll be missing out" i sighed
-
here i was, walking to the house with open doors and music pouring out of it, my dad was by my side, "you know, ellies also 16, you should try to be friends with her" he said, "yea, yea, yea, i know thats the only thing youve been telling me for the past 2 weeks, 'oh youll love her, you guys would be best friends, she annoys the shit out of this guy like how you annoy the shit out of me'" i mocked my dads deep voice, thinking back to how he would come back from spying on them to see if they were safe and tell me about ellie
"she hasnt come out of her shell yet, but i do really think you'd make a great pair" he said as we walked into the house, "im gonna go get a drink and find rick, go find ellie" he pushed me into the crowd, i scoffed, he acts like hes social when i know damn well the only people he'll be talking to is rick and carol.
i searched the crowd for carl, i couldnt find him but i did see ellie with her arms crossed talking with joel, she looked so uncomfortable and so did he, god do i feel bad
i walked through the crowd, making my way to them, while i was making my way to them, some people pulled joel away to get a drink- or whatever adults do
ellie looked clueless
"hey" i said, placing a hand on her shoulder to let her know i was there over the loud music, she jumped and looked at me, "oh, hi" she said, i could hear the nervousness in her voice, "im sorry about all this, you're practically being forced to go somewhere you dont want go to and forced to talk with people you dont know, i told rick and carol you guys werent the party type but they insisted it was the 'polite thing to do'" i explained, putting airquotes for my last words
ellie seemed to soften a bit at my words, "uh- yea, its just super weird going to a party when 5 days ago you were sweating your ass off trying to find a place to stay the night" she said, looking around, "yeah, trust me, i know how you feel, we didnt create this place, me and my group got taken in by aaron and his boyfriend, the leader at the time was named deanna, she threw a party for us too, and when she died, the leader of my group took over to be the leader of alexandria.. rick" i explained
"wheres your boyfriend?" ellie randomly asked, i furred my brows, "what?" i asked, "uh, the one with the long hair and eyepatch" she asked, "carl?" i asked in a high pitch questioning voics, "oh, yeah, carl" she nodded, "carl?" i asked again, she thinks im dating carl? "yeah?" she asked confused, "oh god, me and carl are like siblings, never in infinity years would we ever date! im gonna puke just thinking of that!" i exaggerated, "oh sorry, its just, my first day here, you guys came out of the same room together in your pajamas and stuff"
"oh! yea, he just slept over, i hate being alone" i explained, "me too" she said with a smile, "sorry, but can we please go somwhere else? i cant stand this crowd" i asked, she nodded, i took her hand in mine, dragging her through the crowd until i found carols bedroom, she wouldnt mind us being in here
"what do you like? any hobbies?" i asked, sitting on the edge of carols bed, ellie sat down next to me, "i love comics, joel somehow finds the best ones, and i have a notebook that i write and draw in" she said happily, "oh no shit? i love comics and drawing too!" i said back with a smile
"so have you and joel been with each other for awhile? he seems pretty protective over you" i asked, "just like, 3 years, but i cant imagine my life without him" she smiled, "i cant imagine my life without my dad, or without a lot of the orginal group, like rick, glenn, carl, carol, maggie, michonne, half the people here are my family"
-
i spent the whole night talking with ellie, she was actually really nice and funny, we told eachother a bunch of our crazy/scary stories from over the years, and what it was like for life before it
carl and enid never showed up, i told her a lot about them, more so carl since me and carl have been together since the start, we grew up together and i dont know what i would do if he died
but we had stayed after hours not realizing the party ended, still in carols room, she opened the door with an exhausted look, she didnt notice us, me and ellie side eyed eachother before we bursted out laughing
that seemed to be a reoccurring occurrence between the two of us, we both kept on bursting out laughing at stupid stuff
but at the sight of ellie, carol put on her sweetheart face again, "oh! girls, im sorry i didnt know you were in here" she said, bringing a hand to her chest, "the parties over?" i asked, after calming down from laughter, "yes, it just ended, and joel was looking for you ellie, you better get back home before he starts to worry more" carol said with a smile, "yeah, thanks for the party mrs.." ellie said as we stood up, "just call me carol, oh and you too aimees, daryl was wandering around for you" she smiled with a nod
and with that me and ellie left her house, as soon as we got out of her house i let out a giggle, "its the end of the world and you're still worried about manners?" i thought outloud, thinking back to how she tried to call carol mrs, "hey! you never know, some adults are really strict about that stuff" she defended
"okay, i guess ill see you tomorrow?" i asked, as we made it infront of her house, "yea sound-" ellie was interrupted with joel yelling her name, "ellie! i looked everywhere for you! where were you? i havent seen you since the party started-"
i just smiled at joels protectiveness and slipped myself away and went back to my house
"hey dad" i smiled, seeing him on the couch, "oh good, i was waiting for you to come back so i could sleep" he said getting up, "you seem happy?" he questioned, i hated parties, so this was weird that i was smiling a bunch after one, "yeah! i hung out with ellie the whole time, shes really funny! i really like her" i said with a hudge grin, "told you, you'd like her" he nodded, not supprised
"so was it just the two of you or was carl and enid there? i didnt see them tonight" he asked, now leaning against the kitchen counter, "just us, i have no idea where carl and enid are, which kind of sucks since i wanted ellie to meet them, but also its good because i really enjoyed hanging out with her alone" i said, my voice bright from talking with ellie for hours
"im glad you had fun" he nodded with a smile, "oh! do you wanna know what! now when i hangout with carl and enid, ellie will be there, so i dont have to third wheel, i mean they were always being so gross infront of me like complimenting each other and stuff, like ew, and now me and ellie can be grossed out together!" i said happily, my dad laughed, "im glad we found ellie and joel too, can you please tell me more in the morning over breakfast? im ready for bed"
"yea, of course, goodnight dad, i love you" i said, giving him a quick hug, "love you sweetheart, get to bed too, its way past when you should be asleep" he said, kissing me on my head, "yea.. yea, whatever" i mumbled sarcasticly as he walked to his bedroom
i turned off the lights and went to my bedroom, i unbuttoned my jeans and went to pull them off when i felt something in my pocket, i sighed, forgetting i had it, as i pulled out the bag of joints
this would have been perfect for me and ellie, would of been 10x funner.
but, i wasnt tired, and now that i was holding up the rolled up cannabis, i really, really wanted it.
i thought about carl and enid, enids never been high before, but me and carl have a few times, and i don't even know where they are. maybe i can have just one joint to myself..
another thing i do on nights when im not tired, is go to my roof and look at the stars, usually while i smoke cigarettes but weeds even better.
i looked out my window to see that the sky was clear, i smiled to myself, i walked over and turned off my lamp, okay, only one. i placed the other two joints in the bag in between my folded shirt in my dresser, letting the one joint hang in between my lips
i opened up my window, cringing at the squeeked noise, i stuck my legs out, letting myself fall onto the roof, i climbed to the back of my house still on the roof so i was facing the big fence and not out in the open, the only way people would be able to see me is if someone specifically looked in my direction through ellies window
i pulled out my lighter and lit the weed, sucking the toxins into my lungs before blowing out
i sat there for a couple minutes looking at the stars above me, they always fasanated me, i looked to the moon, it was a full moon tonight, of maybe it was a just a full waning or waxing gibbous, i dont know to be honest
the sound of a window opening drawed my attention, i shot my head to the sound, joint in between my lips, to see ellie climbing out of her window
i watched as she hopped onto her roof, shutting her window, and hopped from her roof to mine, as our houses were really close together, she let out a pant, from being out of breath
"hey" she said as she stood there above me, she had already changed into pajamas, wearing plaid baggy ones that were too long for her, ones that were previously mine, and she wore the grey thick strapped tanktop i had also given her
her hair was down, something ive never seen of ellie, some of her auburn hair was over shoulders while some was on her back, they reached a couple inches unde her shoulders and her eyes glistened in the moonlight
"uh, aimees? you barley smoked any of that, you good?" she asked with a smile on her face, "oh, yea, im-" i started saying, realizing i just stared at her, but i spoke really loud as i talked not realizing how loud i was being, "shh! come on, i dont want joel or your dad to wake up" she whisper shouted
"right, sorry" i whispered back, she came over to me and sat down, "can i?" she asked, reaching her hand out, i passed her the joint, and watched her as she looked up to the sky, while taking a long drag of it, she closed her eyes as she sucked it, enjoying the feeling
my eyes were beading onto her, watching every detail on her face, the way her eyebrows slightly scrunched as she sucked in, or how she squeezed her eyes, how her soft pink lips fitted against the rolling paper. i was so close to her our shoulders were brushing against each other, and i noticed things about her that i havent noticed before, she had beautiful green eyes, ive noticed her eyes being not brown before, but now i could actually see what color they were, and her freckles complimented her face so well, they danced all around her cheeks and the tip of her button nose. i even got to exaime her brown eyebrows, i could see the slit she had through it, her eyebrows were also pretty straight, but they looked so perfect on her. her side profile was honestly the best ive ever seen in my whole life. the way her lips moved out, how her adorable nose arched perfectly and how- wait are her lips moving?
"aimees?" she asked, okay yeah they were, "sorry, what?" i asked, looking into her eyes, "you zoned out on me again" she commented, "sorry its just, you look really pretty" i said, still mesmerizing her in a trance, she turned to me, i could see her cheeks turning a shade of pink, before she looked back infront of us
thats kind of weird, i mean, i was just saying she looked pretty, i say that to enid all the time and she just compliments me back or says thanks, but ellie got flustered for some reason and tried to hide her face with no comments
we passed the weed arond in silence for a moment, "you do this a lot?" she asked, "usually just with cigarettes, but i got lucky and found this on a run a few weeks ago.. i love the stars"
"i love the moon" she remarked, i looked to her with a smile on my face, "if i could anywhere i'd go there" she said, looking at the moon above her, "can i come with?" i asked, she turned to me, our faces inches apart, "yeah but.. be aware, joels coming too, and hes a big grump sometimes" she answered, i laughed at that, giggling as i rested my forehead on her shoulder to contain myself, i hear giggles come from her too
"okay, shh, shh we have to be quiet" i whispered, leaning back up to face her, "youre telling me to be quiet? youre the one who started laughing!" she said with a smile as the joint hung between her fingers, "urhg, give me that" i said, taking the joint from her and puffing a few
"its not my fault, you make me laugh more then like, anyone ive ever met" i said after a couple seconds in silence, "really?" she asked looking back to me, "mhm" i nodded, letting out another giggle at nothing, which caused ellie to giggle with me too, we fell onto eachother laughing up a storm, "oh! oh my god! i cant breath!" ellie said inbetween laughs, "stop!" i cried, gripping her thigh for support, trying to catch my breath
we kept on laughing like that for probably too long, after a few minutes, i ended up even closer then before, our laughter dying down but smiles still held on our faces
"whats your last name?" i asked her out of the blue, which caused us to laugh a little some more, "williams?" she sid in a questioning tone, "w-why did you say it like that? are you sure thats your last name or did you make it up because-"
"no! no! thats real, my last name is williams, i was just- cause you asked so randomly!" she explained, "okay, well, ellie williams, you-" i said, pointing at her and using a tone for the word you, "-are my new favorite person"
"and you- aime-" she stopped for a moment, "whats your last name?" she whispered, "dixon" i whispered back, "you! aime dixon, are my new favorite person" she said, usuing a tone and pointing at me for you like i did, but usuing a tone and pointing at herself for me
this caused us both to laugh again, i guess weed made us a bit giggly, we seemed to be eliciting laughter not matter what
"you know what we should do?" i asked, "hmm?" she hummed, i took a puff a weed, noticing it was almost all gone, "we should get married"
i noticed her cheeks start to turn red, "i mean, how could i not want to marry you! look how cute you are with your blushing" i said with a hudge smile, "i accept, mrs williams" ellie said to me with blush still wearing her face, "aime williams! hm, i like the sound of that!" i laughed
"hey, i have idea" i said, looking down at the blunt, "yea wife?" she asked, "my dear husband, we could finish this joint in one puff, shall i shotgun it to you?" i asked with a smirk, "first of all, wife, im your wife, secondly, i dont know what that is" she deadpanned, i let out a couple giggles from her
"okay, well if im the wife, how can you be the wife? anyways, why dont i just show you what a shotgun is?" i offered, still smirking, "hmm, okay fine" she said with a smile, unsure with what was to come
i smirked devilishly, i blew the rest of the joint into my mouth, before flicking it off the house, i brought my hands to ellies face, moving her face to mine, my eyes were closed but i could tell she was blushing
ellies mouth was slightly ajar in shock, so i blew the smoke into her mouth, the feeling of her warm, soft, silk lips, her nose tickling with mine and the way my stomach was attacking itself with a swarm of butterflies from us touching like this
the weed did something to me, because i couldnt help myself, and without any thoughts, only the feeling of want, i pressed my lips more firm to hers, and moved them onto hers, my lips were dancing on hers and she didnt move.
i lifted my lips up for a split second, releasing the smoke from our mouths, i pulled away, realizing what i had just done, my eyes started to feel with tears looking down at her, my hands still holding her face, only inches away. i was so goddamn embarrassed and mad at myself. why the fuck would i do that? i dont even like girls, im not gay, and i definitely dont like a girl i just met 4 days ago. it had to be the weed because im not a lesbian, and judged by the complete silence between us, and ellies face, she isnt eithe-
my angered thoughts were interrupted as ellie leaned into me, tilted her head as she pressed her blushed face to mine, now our lips danced together, i could smell her breath, it smelt of mint toothpaste and marijuana, but i wanted more of it, i wanted to taste it
as ellies hands gripped my shoulders, and mine gripped her face, i brushed my tongue against her lips, getting a slight taste of her, she didnt open her mouth, so i took my left hand from her cheek and placed it on her waist, rubbing her skin and plulling her closer to me, the sudden contact made her mouth open slightly, and i took that as an opportunity to slip my tongue into hers
not only was the smell of marijuana filling my nose, but the smell of the shampoo i gave her was lingering, i think the scent was lavander, either way, it smelt good, delicious, and i wanted even more
i honestly was starting to feel lightheaded and dizzy, so i pulled away for a moment, i sucked in the air to catch my breath, but my mouth was covered again by ellies lips
this time, her tongue filled my mouth, our tongues danced, as i started to fall backwards from her leaning on me, i felt so carried away and a feeling i never felt before filled my body
i pulled away from her, standing up and dragging her up with me, we had our foreheads pressed together, panting, "come on" i whispered, as i looked into her red eyes, i pulled away from our embrace, taking her hand in mind, pulling her to the side of my window, i climbed in first, helping her climb in too
once she got in, i shut the window and shut the blinds, our light pants cramming the room, i turned around to for a pair of hands pressing against my waist and shoving me against the wall, i was met once again with her lips
i couldn't help, from the sudden action, and melting deep into the kiss, and the feeling of her hands rubbing on me, i let out a small moan into her mouth, i hadnt realized it until it already left
my cheeks went red from embarrassment, hoping she didnt hear, but she pulled away, i couldnt bare to look her in her eyes, i stared at the ground, looking down at our socked feet on the carpet
ellies right hand moved off of my waist, i thought she was about to freak out and leave or something, but she placed a hand on my chin, and lifted it so my face was forced to meet hers, i expected her face to be filled with disgust, but she had a smirk on her face, her freckled cheeks bright red
"dont be shy, you have a pretty voice" she whispered, butterflies formed my heat. not my stomach, but below.
i looked at her dumbfounded, i never felt this way before. i didnt know what was going to happen after all this, what me and ellies relationship would be by tomorrow, i didnt know if i was gay- but i did know that i wanted more of her touch, i wanted to feel her touch, not only on me, but in me.
i pulled pulled the back of her neck onto my face to be met with mine, our kiss even more passionate then before, my knees felt so weak, like i could collapse at any moment, so my hands were balled into a fist gripping her tankop. her hands were squeezing my skin, i couldnt help it, i wanted to feel more of her skin
i lifted my left hand from her tanktop, and lowered them to the hem of it, before i stuck my hand underneath, trailing my hand against her skin, i stopped once my hand got to her bra, unsure of how far she wanted this to go, but her hand lifted from my waist and pulled my wrist up and underneath her bra, allowing me to feel her shape and soft skin
instead of ellies hand resting back on my waist, she snaked it under my jeans, and i felt her squeeze my ass, i had to pull away from our kiss as i let out a grunt, it would have probably came out a moan if i didnt keep my mouth squeezed shut and tried to hold it
we made out rubbing eachother for a few moments before ellies hand slid out of my jeans, i was disappointed until i felt her hands yank at the waist of my jeans, they were still unbuttoned so all she did was slid them off of me, i broke our kiss to step out of them
ellies hands went straight to the back of my bare theighs, "jump" she grunted, her voice deep and raspy, i did what she said, i jumped so my legs were wrapped around her waist as she still held me up by my theighs
as we shared a sloppy yet passionate kiss, i felt my back lift from the wall, ellie brough us across the room, and i felt myself get dropped into my bed
i could see ellie from the moon that lit our room, she crawled ontop of me, hovering over me as our hands and lips connected once again to eachother
she trailed her kiss to my jawline, i felt like i was to explode, i tilted my head so she could get more of my neck
i shouldnt be doing this, but i want to, but dads downstairs, hes asleep, but im high, we both are
my own thoughts fought eachother, i tried to bring myself to stop it, but i couldnt.
my fingertips rested on the fabric of ellies tanktop, i pulled her away for a moment, pulling off the grey top over her head, my eyes went straight to her body, and god did i feel faint.
she had a grey calvin klein sports bra on, my mouth was starting to water.
ellies hands went to my tanktop, i lifted my arms so that she could pull them over my head, i was nervous, especially since i didnt have a bra on, but i wanted it too much to stop
ellie and i stared at eachothers bodies for a moment, she leaned back in and connected her lips straight to my sweetspot of my neck, at the same time her hand went and messaged my boob, ellie was doing things to me because i couldn't even hold in my moans anymore
ellie left a trail of bruises down my neck as she went down more, and connected her lips to my nipple, my hand went to the back of her hair, squeezing her roots, right when i did so i could faintly hear ellie moan into my skin- she likes hair pulling, noted
ellie kissed my one breast and messaged my other, as i squirmed under her holding her hair
"ellie.." i whisper-moaned. "yea, babe?" she mumbled through her kisses, i felt hotter from her nickname, "please.." i whispered, i couldnt handle it anymore
ellie brought her hand and rested it between my legs, but it was inches away from my core, i squeezed my thighs together to try to make some sort of friction, but ellie moved her hands and pressed my knees away from eachother, "please what?" she asked in a dominant voicd, she obviously knew what i wanted, but wanted to hear me say it
"please-" i tried to get a full sentance out in one go, but that was near impossible, my fingertips rested on ellies pants, streching the fabric wanting them off, i was completely topless and had my pants off, yet ellie had a bra on and pants
ellie got off of me for a moment, taking her pants off, which i silently thanked her in my head for, "please what?" she asked again, her voice more raspy then before, "touch me" i moaned, she smirked, leaning in and kissing me again, i missed her lips and the taste of them
she rubbed her hand up slowly, her finger brushing against my cunt. without even thinking, my hand shot to ellies hand that was in between my theighs, and pushed it more towards it
as ellie grunted, she moved my underwear to the side, letting her fingers drag along my slit, "this wet for me baby?" she panted, "all for you" i replied, instantly connecting our lips after
ellie teased me, tracing her fingers up and down my wetness, i sunk my hips down more, trying to get more, ellie broke our kiss with a small laugh, she gave my lips another sweet kiss before she pulled away from my face, i looked up at her confused but my confused face was shortly changed to arousal, as she slipped her middle finger partly inside me
she slowly pumped her finger more into me, causing my head to go back on my pillow, ive touch myself before, but nobody had ever touched me, this was a complete new experience for me
as she pumped them in and out, i felt her start to grind her hips onto my theigh, all the fricton, i started to let out more and more moans, my mouth was closed so they werent as loud
i felt her add her ring finger in me, and curling them around my walls, her hips grinding with more pressure,i let my jaw fall, and furred my eyebrows as i moaned, ellies hand went straight to my mouth, covering any noises that escaped.. i realized for a split second that- oh that was really loud and could of easily woke up my dad- but the feeling of her fingers twirling around in me made me instantly forget about it
i couldnt help but start to grind onto her fingers, rocking my hips up and down. ellies hand slowly moved off of my mouth to grip on my hip, letting out a moans with me, her voice was so hot it made me even wetter. she then moved her hand down even more, i thought it couldnt get any better but she started to rub my clit
"mmfpph.. ell- ellie- i-" i screched, i felt my stomach tie into a tight knot, my body froze as i squeezed my eyes, while my hips stopped moving, ellies hands only sped up, and her hips started to move faster, practically jumping up and down on me, "ellie" i whinned, my eyes rolling back as i felt myself release, ellie grinded on me until her hips froze, "hh- hfphmhmm"ellie moaned, also coming to a finish, i watched her as she leaned her head back, mouth ajar, eyebrow's squishing together.
the room was filled with heavy pants- our chests going up and down as if we just had a near death experience
we stared at eachother trying to catch our breaths, ellies hair was clouding all around her face, her hair falling to her shoulders, really messy compared to how it was an hour ago, in which it was neatly brushed
ellie looked so beautiful, but there were two things i realized as i stared at her
1. we are still high as shit
2. ellie williams, a girl i met a few days ago, just fucked me
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failed221b-chill · 3 years
Text
So uhh having ptsd really sucks!!!!! But I'm okay!!!!! Things that are affecting me now are temporary!!!!!!! That's the beauty and sadness of things - they're all temporary everything is temporary!!!!!
Everything is temporary is both a comfort and a tragedy, but I'm gonna try and relax because, hey, even the comfort and the tragedy of things being temporary is... temporary!!!!
Idk if everything genuinely is temporary. Maybe love endures maybe thats not temporary. Maybe kindness endures.
But I'll never get to hug my lil friend again. That was a temporary gift i was able to have for 5 years only. But I'll love and miss and remember him and his lil silliness forever. And maybe thats not temporary.
Maybe the complete sorrow ripping apart my stomach is temporary. Maybe my brain searching for every other pain I've ever felt to try and challenge the weight of this one and comfort me via distractions that are painful but less painful than this one, is temporary.
Maybe my brain is just bringing them up to show me that i survived them and i will survive this one. And it's working, but its also not needed, because i know this. I have known this for very nearly 3 years now: I have no doubt in my own survival. I'll never be temporary to myself. I'll be here and I'll survive as a constant presence to myself throughout growth and changes until one day, hopefully in old age, something will remove me and then I'll be gone and so i wont ever have a chance to be temporary to myself.
I wrote this after i wrote the tags rant so it doesnt even seem relevant but ahh thats how brain trauma processing goes.
#me: spends most of yesterday drafting dialogue for a story thats obvs just a way of me processing how i dont have to reach some fanciful#stage of recovery from ptsd in order to see myself as worthy of trying and able to find a relationship...#me: sees the rtd news and reactions all over my fucking dash.#me: gets triggered by a thing i ddint even realise or anticipate would ever need to be a trigger bc who tf could have predicted rtd who#being relevant again???#me: writes the story harder like... to cope...#me: has a dream that shows i am Not Coping and yeah actually no the ptsd is still very much a barrier to umm life as we know it.#me: still feels the need to overexplain my every choice and action bc of the ptsd so writes in the tags about why the fuck tumblr has#temporarily stopped being a safe space for me and i wont be as active until all the dw stuff has calmed down.#idk where this is going anymore im just... 😕 would be real great to NOT have ptsd thats specifically about relationships...#would be nice if i could legit convince myself for Longer than One Day that maybe im not so much more heavily broken and messy than most#and that if i can have empathy for others suffering and experiences that are different to mine#then i should expect that others might be able to have empathy for my suffering and experiences that are different to theirs#and i kinda manage to convince myself of that... sometimes. and then stuff like this hits and i go into ptsd triggered mode and everything#just stops. it just stops working. its not true. the average joe does not have ptsd and i do and it is hard to live with. it just is!!!!!#its hard sometimes!!!!! and reclaiming tumblr and cultivating this safe space has been so good and such a help!!!! and then!!!!!#random intrusive suddenly everywhere something i ddint know i needed to blacklist the tags of bc why would it be an issue but omg its a big#issue. i have far too many issues tbh its ridiculous and now im ranting in the tags and idk why. im at least better at not apologising for#existing so i wont say sorry but hey look by saying that ive said sorry!!!!! ugh!!!!!! hello relationship specific trauma fucking sucksss!!#and so does ummm growing up in a cult ptsd!!!!! and so does having been influenced and manipulated by narcissists!!!!!!#ahh and the root of it all being such a heavy hitter now is that im EXHAUSTED FROM GRIEVING MY LIL BOY AND HES NOT COMING BACK AND ITS SHIT#it just is. its shit. so my brain is trying to comfort me by bringing up other shit stuff to try and challenge that. and its like... pls no#pls let me just rest and recover and not think about all the horrifying things that are wrong with me!!!! and then normal days id be like.#no theres nothing 'wrong with me' that is an unhelpful phrase!!!! but today im still recovering from the after effects of dream that was#prompted by this fuckin rtd who triggering me and so im like... normal people do not have reactions as intense as this. but hey brain!!!!!!#im not normal!!!!!!!!!!! im me!!!!!!!!!! im okay!!!!!!!!! im gonna be okay!!!!!!!!!!! this is just temporary!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please relax!!!!#caitlin gets deep
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eternallyhyucks · 3 years
Text
jaded | choi yeonjun
requested by anon <3
pairing: friend! yeonjun x gn! friend! reader
word count: 913
genre/warnings: angst/fluff , light swearing
summary: in which yeonjun confesses his feelings for you, but you dont believe in love
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𖤐 ྀ
“hey do you wanna go get food tonight?” you heard yeonjun say through your phone speaker
“sure, what time?”
“is 6 okay?”
“yup i’ll be ready, can you pick me up?”
“of course, love”
“yeonjun please dont call me that”
“oh.. um okay sorry”
you hung up the phone and sat on your bed. ‘love’. why would he say that to you?
why does he keep saying these kinds of things to you? you liked yeonjun, you really did. the two of you had been friends for almost 2 years and yet, a single word was tripping you up again.
shaking your head, you assume you made it all up and began getting ready. about 20 minutes later, you finished and laid on your bed, waiting for yeonjun to call you.
soon enough your phone buzzed as your screen lit up to your friend’s name. you pick up and begin gathering your things
“im on my way down!”
“alright see you”
you thought you heard disappointment in his voice, but once again, you chose to believe that you had made it all up in your head.
the second you settled yourself into yeonjun’s car, the air felt tense. it felt like he had something on the tip of his tongue, but he couldnt bring himself to say it.
not being able to handle it anymore, you speak up. “yeonjun is something wrong?”
as if he had been waiting for you to ask, he immediately responds with, “no. why..”
“there’s definitely something up, what is it??” you say looking at him
he scoffed and turning his head to look at you for a second. “are you serious y/n? havent i made it obvious enough?”
confused, you reply “what? what have you made obvious??”
“oh my god, y/n, i like you. a lot. i constantly flirt with you because i like you. i give you flirty pet names because i like you. i do so many things because i fucking like you. and yet you choose to ignore it. if you dont like me back, just tell me. i wont be butthurt about it, all i want if for you to talk to me about it.” he sighed before quietly adding “do you like me back?”
you did. you really liked yeonjun and you always have but the idea of love scared you so much that you pushed your feelings down. you had pushed them down so low that the thought of it sounded like a joke to you. love was a joke to you now.
taking a second to collect your thoughts, you turn to yeonjun and look him in the eyes. “no. i dont like anyone and i never will. i dont believe in love, yeonjun. it doesnt exist to me.”
yeonjun knew you too well to believe a single word you had just said to him. he pulled the car into a parking lot, smiling as he took your hand in his and replied “y/n stop lying to yourself. i know damn well that you believe in love. i also know you want it and i want to give it to you”
“you dont understand, yeonjun, ive watched my friends get their hearts broken and i dont want to go through that” you say staring at your shoes
carefully lifting your head up, yeonjun looked you in the eyes. “i wont break your heart, y/n, i promise. i would never, ever do that to you. i care about you too much to even think about doing that”
“you’re saying that now, but you never know, you could end up hurting me later.”
“do you really believe i would hurt you?” he said sadly
“well .. no? yes? maybe? i dont know yeonjun”
“y/n, give me a chance, give US a chance! if you dont want to be with me after some time i’ll be okay with it. it’s all up to you.” he pleads
should you do it? should you give into him and try being in love with someone? would he really hurt you? your thoughts were going crazy, but in the end you made a decision.
“okay.. ill give it a chance”
“really???” yeonjun said shocked. “you must really like me then😩” he said teasing you
“i could change my mind right now since you did say it was ‘all up to me’”
“DONT USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME Y/N”
“YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF CHOI” you say giggling
there was a small pause before yeonjun spoke up again, “so .... are we like together or ....” he says awkwardly
“why are you so awkward lol,, yes we are. why else would i give you an emotional speech? and stop being a loser smh”
“you said like six words, y/n?? also, you’re the lo$er here🙄”
“me ????? i still have the upperhand in this relationship right now, remember that”
“oh yeah how could i forget ! ” he said rolling his eyes “well since you have the upperhand, you can pay for the food today, right?”
“of course, yeonjun!! how about instead of sushi we have some ice cream! specifically some mcdonalds soft serve!!” you say smiling extra wide
“Y/N YOU ARE SO CHEAP”
the two of you continued to bicker on the way to the mcdonalds, (in which you bought ice cream, but yeonjun still ended up buying sushi afterwards) but you were glad you decided to be with yeonjun. he made you happy and you were okay with that.
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©eternallyhyucks
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TAGLIST!
@overthemoonbae , @yejicrossing , @baekswoons , @igsana , @renjunn1es , @junityy , @pr0dbeomgyu , @igyus
—send an ask if you would like to be a part of my taglist!!
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fairycosmos · 3 years
Note
lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die
hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.
are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.
idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.
list of hotlines
coping with depression
coping with suicidal thoughts
so you feel like shit?
template for creating a safety plan
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toonbly · 3 years
Note
Fantastic! Heres some good bits to start with:
"Climbing appeals to my simian instincts, but also reminds me that i regret not having a tail. Damn my genes. I have no tail, and I must swing."
When the rescas starts happening, starts taking responsibility for it and then, when the scientists dont let him out of the chamber, yells about how this is a Bad Experiment and theyre All (himself included, he uses the word we,) Bad People
Orders door that won't budge to open by declaring he is 'Gordon Freeman, Captain of the Intergalactic House Of Pancakes.'
Yells at a control panel to work and then immediately and abruptly calming down at the drop of a hat when he remembers a scientist said he could open it
Says the laser cutting through the hall is 'like an etch'a'sketch from HELL' after planning to use his limbo practice to get under it and saying its cheating because it goes into the floor
When the scripted elevator event happens he breaks the glass on the door to look closer bc it wont open and sucks in through his teeth and goes 'what do i do... sorry! Didn't mean to kill you! man... i hope at least they were jerks.'
Describes an action he took as being 'both smart AND stupid. Smupid.'
Mistakes a blue fluorescent light for potentially being a pixie (claiming science hasnt technically DISproven their existence and being able to dimensionhop would explain them not being discovered,) and is kind of disappointed when he sees its just a light, saying this whole place is built on DECEPTION
Watches that scientist get gunned down in that scripted scene with the stairs where its revealed the military are also the enemy and is actually kinda freaked about it and backs off before 'trying diplomacy,' aka trying to approach the soldier trying to sound friendly, saying "hey, killer!" and then being angry but not surprised when hes immediately shot at
Briefly considers that a scientist might be a genie who granted his wish to get his hands on a shotgun, accidentally misfires near them and shuffles off awkwardly apologizing profusely and then lamenting that he'll never get to own a water park now
Thinks about how a bad fall could kill him pretty easily even in the hev suit because of its weight but then says it'll never happen because he lands on his feet like a cat. Meows a few times to amuse himself and then hisses at the next alien he sees
Says he'd be surprised that hes not more upset about having to kill all these people if they didnt deserve it and then claims he'd gladly go up to any of these soldiers army wives and tell them their husband deserved it for not knowing what a fucking civilian is
He shouts "Do I look like an alien?! How many soldiers do i have to kill before you realize im on your side!?" at the chopper when he reaches the surface the first time
HI I HAVENT RESPONDED TO ALL OF THESE BECAUSE IVE BEEN BUSY BUT JUST KNOW IVE BEEN SEEING THEM AND IM SO FUCKING MAD FREEMIND ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LIKABLE FJSDHFKJSFKJ
HES SILLY??? WAS NOBODY GONNA TELL ME FREEMIND IS JUST A GOOFY LITTLE GUY???
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karamazovdmitri · 3 years
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Ive noticed people seem to admire ivan a lot and when they say “oh i relate to him” its their inner desire to find themselves in him somehow, to have his depth and complex world.
Remember in the beginning of the book ivan was more passive and wasnt introduced like the other two brothers were. He was the typical smart guy whos edgy and serious and all. And thats it until later on in the book. “See, i dont seem like much neither however i am complex like he is too. I am more than what i seem to be/what people give me credit for.”
But he is actually the hardest person to relate to. Like sure you can support his opinions and all, but ive seen people who say “oh im just like ivan” and arent but hes who they want to be. Its very interesting. He is really unique.
Also he deserved much better than katya
hey anon first of all thank you for the ask!! second of all............ im gonna say it from the get-go, im not sure im entirely with you here but lets talk.
so first of all, i definitely agree that ivan is the most lowkey of the brothers when first introduced, ive talked about that before and ive also joked about dostoevsky perfectly illustrating middle child syndrome there lmao so im on board with you, not the biggest impression at first, but he comes back and makes up for it big time in my opinion (ive said it before but despite him not being my favorite character, a lot of my favorite chapters of the book are ivan-centric ones) and i have to say... i cant bring myself to agree with the portrait you paint of him. sure i have called him edgy and whatnot before, and joke about it, but to me its more of a persona, an image? he might look smart and edgy, but i think once you’ve gone through pro and contra, it’s really hard to still pin him down as that. he’s not being your typical idk reddit atheist or whatever, im not gonna get into that specifically but returning the ticket etc etc, he has some fundamental moral disagreements that make him imo, the opposite of edgy. one of his big arguments is that if suffering is necessary thats one thing, but why have children be a part in it? he goes on so much about how its unacceptable for him that children must suffer, that they are not only allowed to suffer, but that they have to, and you know how it goes theres more than one chapter centering around that. and like to me, someone who cares so deeply about something like that i just cant in 100% good faith call edgy. there’s also the quote where he talks about how the sticky little leaves and the blue sky are so dear to him, and he literally says “i will be drunk with my own tenderness” and i just think.... if after that chapter you still think of ivan as a cold, serious, edgelord type, you really should reread it, because ivan is so deeply caring and human, and i think book V really is the turning point in showing us that. ANYWAY lmao that went on a bit longer than planned but i just believe that like... it’s really easy to misread ivan, while after all he is simply 23 years old and confused and desperately searching for answers, and answers that will stand his moral test. unlike his brother, he can’t just thrive off faith, despite the fact that personally i feel like he wishes he could, but that’s where you get more of the “rational” mind feel to him, but that doesnt make him all edge and no point.
as for if he’s easy or not to relate to..... personally i cannot dictate that. ive said lately that being 23 myself, the passages on youth and youth carrying you through everything but feeling like it might all come crashing down in your thirties is extremely relatable to me. as someone who has some gripes with my own faith, some of his questionings are very relatable. and people can relate to his personality too, personally i do not as much, and being the first born of 3 siblings, i cannot relate to the middle child thing he has going on either, but im sure some people can. there’s many ways to relate to a character. that being said i do agree that maybe some people say theyre just like him while they want to be like him, im not doubting that this exists so yeah i’ll give that to you, but i dont think its necessarily bad. i think you can be like Oh i relate to his mindset, to this situation of his, and kinda. hope to absorb through osmosis what he does lmao
anyway not to drag this on forever, but at the end of the day i just think, ivan is SO much more than just an intellectual with his complex little opinion. just like his brothers, he has scars from a tumultuous childhood and the thing that plagues them all, which is: are you doomed to be a karamazov, is there no escape to it? he might seem externally more stable, but i think the more the book goes on the clearer it gets. ivan is not an entirely rational being, he IS very complex and deep for sure, and to me he’s also deeply human, with questions that i think a lot of people found themselves asking as well, and yeah idk how somehow along the way this became the Defending Ivan Karamazov Manifesto lmao but as i say.... just because i dont personally mention him as often as the other two, i still have so much deep love for him. also as for your last statement i honestly wont get into it because thats kinda besides the point and im still finding myself picking at ivan and katya’s relationship in each of my rereads i will say that it is a fascinating one to me though
SO? sorry i went on for SO LONG lmao i didnt plan on to but here we are, and i just want to say, this is really not to be read with a hostile tone or anything i think everyone can have their interpretation of the character but personally i just find it a little reductive to say he has nothing going on for him (”thats it”) while he has some of the most memorable and thought-inducing chapters imo, but yeah if i didnt scare you away youre always free to come back i just love discussing that book!!! and thank u again for the ask it was nice to get to talk about ivan for once lmao
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luminois · 3 years
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Hey i know this is gonna be so random, but what if u were an idol. How many people would be in your group and what would be your role? Like rapper, dancer, vocal, i wont say visual bc omg you are so gorgeous im dying. The pencil like lightstick got me thinking and ever since i woke up cant think of anything but u in your group and how would you look like? Would you keep your pretty dark hair or go with another color? :o also i bet your album would be just so pretty im dying inside now and trying to collect my thought bc my exams are in a few days but just cant exist without this knowledge im sorry im leaving 🥺❤️
OMG HI IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED 😚 i literally haven’t stopped thinking about this since yesterday but i didn’t want to be like cheeky and just start talking about what kind of idol i would be 🙈
anyways, i think the best number for groups isn’t too many members so probably a 5 or 7 people group, not an even number like 6 because i DESPISE when they put one person in the back and you can’t even see them because they have to make the choreo look good and symmetrical you know? it’s disrespectful to the person who’s basically hidden imo
as for roles i think i’d be a dancer?? i LOVE dancing in fact one of the things i miss the most from pre-covid life is going dancing in clubs 😭 ive been told i have natural rhythm so with training i think i could be a good dancer, so lead dancer (i wouldn’t say main because i don’t think i’d be able to make my own choreos and stuff, i’d be good at following choreos and adding my own details here and there but nothing more). also i would write songs for obvious reasons, but i SUCK at singing and i hate it so i’d probably be a rapper and write my own verses (i know nothing about producing tracks so i would be the one who writes the lyrics and someone else produces the song). i wonder if people would bash me and say i became a rapper just because i’m not a good vocalist 😭 and visual OOF you’re so sweet, idk if i’d be a visual, probably not because i’m too short and not skinny, plus my chubby cheeks said no❤️
also i’d totally be that one member that changes hair color every comeback and people wonder how they’re not bald yet lol i’ve had so many different hair styles and hair colors irl and i love trying new things with my hair, my philosophy is “it’s hair, it grows back” 🤷‍♀️ and concept wise i’m down for anything that is aesthetically pleasing but i don’t really like cutesy concepts so probably girl crush? NO WAIT maybe something very elegant and feminine, is there a word for that? like sexy but not SEXY sexy just feminine and aesthetic, like ethereal and stuff... but i also like the bad bitch energy, like red and black and all that........ maybe i could be in one of those groups that change concepts kinda often but not too often so we still have that main elegant/feminine vibe
ALSO idk if this is allowed but i would be 100% involved in the general aesthetic of everything from album packaging to outfits inspo and stuff. i sound like i’d be a leader but i REALLY don’t want to be the leader of a group because that’s a lot of responsibility, i would want to be one of the younger ones but not the maknae if that makes sense
THIS IS SO LONG OH MY GOD AHAKJWISJSKSNJS i swear im not this self centered i just like to daydream about this stuff a lot 🙈 thank you again for asking bub, i had fun thinking about this 💞
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Kindred Spirit (Taehyung X You) (ONESHOT)
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A/N: The full version of the Taehyung fanfic, but I changed it a little from the preview I posted. Hope its okay 😘 also, im not sure whats an "er of their marriage" means exactly? But i take it their life after marriage? Ill make an epilogue of that soon! 😘
"Ive been an idol for years Y/N and you have never once come to see me perform? Dont you know people would die for all the free passes and tickets I left for you?!" Her bestfriend grumbles, hands crossed over his chest, his pout over an inch long.
Y/N laughs.
"Thats why I said you should give it to someone else thats actually have time to go watch you,"
"But you are my best friend. BESTFRIEND Y/N. How is is possible you never once saw me perform? And you dont even know any of my bandmates? How is that possible??" Yoongi keeps on grumbling in disbelief.
"Well.. Min Yoongi. I can give you an answer. Because I'm busy with real life okay. You know my appa wants me to take over soon. You know I dont do it on purpose right?" Y/N pouts, hoping if shes cute enough, or looks guilty enough Yoongi would actually forgive her.
"Nope. Your puppy face wont cut it this time,"
Damn.
"You are coming. And if I dont see you cheering your ass off tomorrow night, front row, our friendship is over. Over I say!"
And thats is why Y/N is running and pushing through the excited crowd of boys and girls in the stadium, trying to find her section. She made it! She almost didnt, but almost didnt matter. Shes here now. All dressed in her work clothes, with what is supposed to be called an Army Bomb in her hand,  something that her secretary shoved in her bag earlier, saying its a must have for an Army. She dont even know what an Army is!
As the show starts, Y/N jumps to the music, smiling proudly everytime Yoongi make an appearance. She has heard him rapped before, but she never seen him this charismatic. Its as if the man on stage is not even the dorky Yoongi she has known for years. And his band members... wow. All so talented, all so good looking.
As the concert ended, Y/N makes her way backstage, flashing the pass Yoongi gave her and make her way through series of dressing room, trying to find the one where the boys are in.
"Must be this one," she followed the door that has the most sound and lights to find the boys chatting, congratulating each other. "Uh, Yoongi?" Y/N calls out softly, feeling awkward. Is she even supposed to be here?
"Oh you are here. God, cant believe you actually made it!" Yoongi rushed over and gave her a tight hug. "Wait, I'll introduce you to the others, but I need to change my pants first. Wait here, dont move!" Before she could say anything, Yoongi has already ran off.
"Uh.. okay. Ill stay here I guess," she moved herself timidly to a corner and stands awkwardly, hoping no one would notice her. But wishes dont always come true.
"Hey, uh..." a guy, a very handsome guy, who Y/N recognizes as one of Yoongi's band members, but cant be sure who, approached her.
"Uh.. yes? A-am I not supposed to be here? Im sorry. Im just waiting for Y-"
"Oh, no. I just want to ask you. Wheres the bathroom?"
"Huh?" Y/N looks at the guy curiously. Is he for real? He had a three day back to back concert here and today is the third day. And he doesnt know where the bathroom is? And he is asking... her? Y/N laughs before answering. So weird.
"Uh.. I-"
Smack.
"You know very well where the bathroom is you idiot. What are you talking about?" Yoongi who just came back smacked the guy's head.
"Ouchhh, hyunggg," he pouted, rubbing his head.
"Serves you right. Thats the worse and most cringy pick up line ever!"
"Hyunggggg, shut upppp," the guy eyed Y/N shyly and glares at his hyung and turn his attention back on her. "S-sorry. I just wanted to talk to you but I dont want to scare you off," he grins sheepishly.
"Oh, its okay. Im not a stalker. I'm here because Yoongs invited me. I'm Y/N," she hands out her hand for a handshake. "And no, I dont know where the bathroom is," she giggles.
Yoongi rolls his eye and smacks his forehead at the lame attempt of flirting the younger man is doing.
"Hi Y/N. I'm Taehyung," he grips her hand and shakes it. "Kim Taehyung. And I'm the guy you will be having coffee with tonight," he grins.
/////
"Okay, so do you have a boyfriend?"
"No appa, I dont," Y/N sighs, frustrated.
"Then uh.... do you not like men? I mean, Im okay with that sweetheart, as long as you are happy..."
Y/N smile a little. Her appa is the most adorable man ever existed.
"Appa, no!" She giggles.
"Okay, okay. Im just asking. You know I will support you always princess," her appa smile and she can see a small sigh of relieve. "Then what is it sweetheart? Why are you so against this marriage with Hyun Dae?"
"Well, for one, I think arranged marriage is so old school appa," she pouts. "We are not living in the 60s or 20s or whatever year you and eomma are from,"
"How old do you think we are? The 20s?!" Her appa laughs. "Arranged marriage is not so bad you know,"
"Its not bad at all. I actually found the love of my life," her eomma gets up from the couch and link arms with her husband. "Although he is quite annoying at first," she laughs. Y/N's appa leans and kiss the top of her mothers head.
"Its the best decision ever," he smiles.
Y/N roll her eyes. It is well known between their family, friends and community that her parents are as in love as ever. They were from two wealthy family, arranged to be married, and lucky for them, they were each other soulmates.
"Appa, eomma, just because you two are lucky doesnt mean everyone is,"
"But sweetheart, Hyun Dae is everything a man can be. Hes very kind, smart, hes taking over his appa's business, he loves animals, arts, kids. Everything that you like. And plus, you two are quite close too. Why are you so against it?"
Y/N sighs.
"I dont know. Maybe a little part of me wants that traditional love story you know? To fall madly in love with someone and then get married?" She sighs and lays her head on her elbow. Her parents look at each other before her eomma approached her slowly, stroking her hair slowly.
"Sweetheart... are you in love with someone?"
"Well..." Y/N scratched her neck, avoiding their intrusive eyes. Her lips immediately curl into a small smile as an image immediately pops inside her head. Boxy smile, deep voice, always happy, positive outlook on everything. The one guy who made her deeply fall in love.
"Oh my dear, who is it? Why didnt you tell us?" Her eomma smile widely, clapping her hand in excitement.
"Well.. its uh.. because I dont know if he feels the same way..."
"Have you told him yet? Whoever this lucky person is?" Her appa take a step closer to her, smiling. His princess' happiness is everything to him.
"N-no. Not yet. I dont know. Should I?"
"You should sweetheart. Or how else would he know? And he most definitely feels the same way,"
"Do you think so appa?"
"I know so," he smiles. "Who in the world wouldnt fall in love with you sweetheart?"
Y/N smiles. Her parents are the best.
"Then I'll tell him. I'll tell him tomorrow,"
/////
"I like you Taehyung,"
A few moments past without either one saying anything. The air that pricks her skins feels colder. But nothing is colder that Taehyung's stare that is emotionless in front of her right now.
"Uh.. what? I heard you wrong I think," he laughs awkwardly.
"I... like you Taehyung,"
"Well, I like you too. Of course. You are one of my closest friends," Taehyung smiles. Y/N feels her heart suffocating but still puts on a brave face. Maybe he dont understand what she meant. Taehyung can be oblivious sometimes.
"I like you Taehyung," Y/N says it much clearer this time. "I.. love you. I love you Kim Taehyung. Like for real,"
"Listen..," he sighs after a few moment of silence. "I'm really flattered that you uh.. have feelings for me. And I know we have developed some degree of friendship, but... you thats what you are... just a friend," he looks at her with his deep gaze. "Yoongi's hyung friend to be exact,"
"Yoongi's friend?" Y/N looks at him, eyes filled with confusion. "After all this time. Is that all I am to you Tae? Your hyung's friend?"
"You know what I mean Y/N. You know how we met-"
"Yeah, I know how we met Tae.. but I though after all these time and moments we had..."
"That I would think of you as more? That I would fall in love with you?" Taehyung sighs. "I'm sorry if you felt like I lead you on. Thats just me. I'm just friendly. Im this way with everyone. But come on Y/N. Look at the facts. How can I be with you? I'm a worldstar, and you are well... you,"
Y/N felt like Taehyung just stabbed hee heart a million times. What does he mean that shes just.. her? Whats so wrong about being her?
"I enjoy our friendship, our interaction Y/N, but no more than that. And I am sorry to say that I am in a relationship. We havent gone public yet, but we are planning to, by this week,"
"I-in a relationship? With who Tae? A-and you didnt even bother to tell me? After all the time we spent together?" Y/N feels like screaming, but she knows she has no right to do so. All she can do is hold in her tears that can easily burst at any time.
"I think you know her," he smiles. Oblivious to the pain that Y/N is feeling.  "Oraia. The new idol,"
"Oraia?" Oh Y/N knows the girl perfectly well. Pretty, fashionable, great at singing, dancing. Any guy would kill to have her. Including Taehyung it seems.
"I-I have to know Tae. W-why her? H-how?" Y/N managed to choked out her question.
"Oraia is the perfect girl for me," Taehyung smile at the thoughts of her, proving how in love he is, making Y/N's heart breaks even more. "An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"
"You are not a worldstar when I met you. You are not that like this when I met you," Y/N said softly, holding in tears. "We are not that much different from each other Tae,"
Taehyung gave a sad smile, no, a pity smile, before standing up, ready to leave.
"You can think whatever you want Y/N. But if you ever think we can be together..." he sighs and looks at her and gave her another pity smile. "If only things were different. In another world, maybe we would have been together.Goodbye Y/N,"
/////
Y/N closes her eyes, tears rolling down both her cheeks, already mixed together with the pouring rain as she walks home. Maybe the rain will wash away her feelings for Taehyung. Her stupid feelings for Taehyung. Different world? Taehyung's world is what she wanted to avoid her whole life. Glitz, glamour, fame, riches... Y/N cries out as loud as her heart wanted, thankful no one can hear her in the heavy rain. Shes just not enough for him. Thats the real reason. And she will never be for Kim Taehyung.
Days passed and Y/N has been locked up in her room ever since that disasterous day. Her parents have given up trying to find out what happen and finally left her alone.
And this week is finally the week Y/N dread the most. All the entertainment news, magazines, gossip websites are buzzing with the announcement that has just been made all week.
Y/N looks at the glossy pictures of the scattered tabloids in front of her again. The intimate pictures getting blurry as her eyes gets wetter. Taehyung's voice replayed in her brain like a broken record.
"That I would think of you as more? That I would fall in love with you?" Taehyung sighs. "I'm sorry if you felt like I lead you on. Thats just me. I'm just friendly. Im this way with everyone. But come on Y/N. Look at the facts. How can I be with you? I'm a worldstar, and you are well... you,"
"An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"
With a deep breath, she crumples the pages that reflects the beautiful relationship that is Taehyung and Oraia, wipe her eyes and walked downstairs to where her parents are drinking tea, enjoying their evening in their luxurious lounge.
"Oh Y/N. You are finally out. How are you feeling honey? Want to join us sweetheart?" Her mother looked up from the magazine shes reading and smile, her father the same, offering her a seat besides them.
"N-no. Thanks though. And I feel better," she gave a small smile. "Eomma, appa, I have something to tell you guys," she said, heart beating fast.
"What is it honey?"
"Appa, eomma, I have thought it through. I agree to your proposal. I agree with the arranged marriage to Hyun Dae,"
Her parents looks at each other, surprised.
"Sweetheart, are you sure? You dont have to rush into this. You should take your time and think i-"
"No appa. I am sure this time," she gave a smile, hoping it would convince them. "I want to marry Hyun Dae. I think he and I will make a very happy marriage,"
"W-well.." her eomma looks unsure. "Okay.. then,"
"If you are sure sweetheart. Then we will start setting it up," her appa stood up and hugs her. "Just know that we both love you so much and want nothing but your happiness,"
Y/N nods slowly, tears brimming in her eyes, softly she whispers,
"Me too appa, me too..,"
/////
Tupp. Tupp.
Y/N looks over the sliding door that opens up to her huge balcony. What is that sound? Panicking, she grab the first thing she can reach, a hairbrush, and walk slowly to the glass sliding door.
Tupp. Tupp.
The sound continue. Taking a deep breath she bravely slides open the door.
"Ouchhh," she rubs her head. "What the hell?" She looks around to find what hit her. "A pebble?"
"Oh no, did I hit you?" A voice called out. Y/N looks over the balcony.
"Hyun Dae? What are you doing here? Its 2am!"
"I, uh.. I want to talk to you," he grins.
"Theres this thing call a telephone you know? Or a front door? Havent use one of those?" She glares and Hyun Dae laughs.
"Sorry. I just thought this Romeo and Juliet shit is romantic you know?" He laughs and Y/N rolls her eyes. "Can you come down? Lets take a walk in your garden,"
"Come down from here? Like Rapunzel?!"
Hyun Dae laughs. "Oh my god, how are you so adorable? Of course not! Use the front door silly,"
Y/N giggles. "Okay. Be right there,"
A few minutes later, they were strolling in Y/N's family flower garden, inhaling the fresh night air.
"So? What is it you want to talk about that cant wait until daylight?"
"Well," Hyun Dae stop walking and pull her hand, sitting her down on the stone bench. "I just want to do it properly and formally," he smiles and kneels down in front of her, holding her hand.
Y/N looks at him, both nervous and confused.
"Y/N, you dont know how truly happy, grateful, excited, speechless, ecstatic I am that you agreed to marry me. I have been in love with you since forever," he smiles and blush slightly. "And I know this is just an arranged marriage to you, and you dont love me. But right here, right now, I promise you, that I will make you the happiest girl alive, that I will love you despite everything and anything, and everything you wish for princess, is my command,"
Y/N feels her heart beats faster.
"L/N Y/N, will you marry me and make me the luckiest man ever lived?"
Without a doubt, without a single second of hesitation, she nodded.
"Yes, yes, definitely yes,"
/////
"You look distracted. Whats wrong?" Yoongi glance at Taehyung whos just staring blankly at his mirror as they are changing and cleaning up their makeup.
"Uh... nothing hyung," Taehyung quickly pretends to clean up his things.
"Its not nothing. You have been distracted for a few weeks now. I didnt want to say anything because I thought you would snap out of it but its just getting worse,"
"Its really nothing hyung!" Taehyung snaps and plop down on his chair, sighing. Yoongi shrugs and decide to give him some space. "Err.. hyung?"
"Yeah?"
"Why..uh... why doesnt Y/N come over to our shows anymore?" Taehyung finally open up his mouth to ask. Since that first time they met, she has always been around, cheering for them, right at the front row. But after her confession, he didnt see her anymore. Yeah, he felt bad about what he said and he tried calling, texting, video calling.. but nothing. Shes totally ignoring him. He wanted to meet her at her house, or her work place, until he realized he didnt know where to go. In fact, he didnt know anything about her. All the time they hung out, he only always talk about him. His life, his problems. Him. As if its that interesting. He sighs again.
Yoongi side eyed him.
"Is that what disturbing you? Y/N?"
"N-no. Im just curious,"
"Oh, okay then. Then the answer is, I dont want to tell you," Yoongi picks up his stuff and walk off.
Of course. Of course his hyung knows. Yoongi and Y/N are best friends afterall. Taehyung sighs. Well, maybe he deserves this. But still... he doesnt want to admit it to anybody, even himself, but deep down, he miss her. Really miss her.
/////
"Okay guys, lets go. We need to get ready," Namjoom clap his hands as a way to make his members make their way to the dressing room. Its awards season finally, and they need to get ready for their stage. Taehyung makes his way with his hyung to the back of the stage, wishing for all this to be over soon. He really wants to just rest his head.
As he was putting on the final touches he turns to the door and saw Y/N standing there, all dressed in a beautiful gown, fit for an award show. His first thought is, wow, and the second is that his eyes are playing tricks on him. But as Y/N makes her way inside and hugs Yoongi, he knows this is  reality. Taehyung smiles. He cant help it. Did Yoongi told her about what he said a few days back and now shes here to see him?
Taehyung walks over the moment he gets the chance to get her alone.
"Hey," Taehyung smiles.
"Um.. hey," Y/N smiles awkwardly.
"So, why are you here? You miss me or something? Or are you stalking me?" He laughs.
"No, I'm actually h-"
"Hey baby, there you are. The crew said you went in first," A handsome guy, and obviously a chaebol makes his way to them, giving Y/N a kiss on the cheek and hugging her waist.
"Hi babe," she smiles. "Yeah, I went in to see Yoongi. Its time you meet my mysterious bestie,"
Taehyung was silenced, eyeing the man up and down. Baby? Cheek kissing? Waist hugging? Who is this guy?
"Oh is this Yoongi?" He smiles and held out a hand. Taehyung took it reluctantly.
"Oh no no. This is Kim Taehyung. Hes uh... Yoongi's band member,"
Yoongi's band member? Thats all he is??
"Oh okay. Hi, I'm Hyun Dae," he smiles and shakes Taehyung's hand before hugging Y/N's waist again. Taehyung felt like pulling off his arm, and he dont know why he felt that way.
"Lets go meet Yoongi," Y/N smiles and bows to him and move over to Yoongi, leaving Taehyung still staring at them. Once Yoongi and Hyun Dae are caught up in a conversation, Taehyung immediatly grab Y/N by the elbow and drag her to the side.
"Ouchh. What the hell Tae?!"
"Are you seriously this petty?" Taehyung scoffs.
"Petty?? What are you even talking about?"
"Fine, I rejected you. So now you are bringing this... this... stuck up someone here for what? To show me that you have moved on? To make me jealous?" Taehyung scoffs again. "As if,"
"What?!" Y/N looks at him in disbelief. "God Taehyung, you are so full of yourself! Hes not stuck up! And I'm not here for you!"
"Yeah right," Taehyung smile sarcastically. "So, hyung told you I asked and the next show you brought a man over? Please Y/N, have some pride,"
"What are you even talking about? Yoongs never talked about you. At all! Im here becaus-"
"Oh Taehyung, you have already met," his manager interrupted the conversation and bows to Y/N as Hyun Dae join her side. "Okay guys, gather round. I think all of you must already know about The Empire. As you know, their company owns and organized all show events in Korea and is one of the biggest in the music industry, among others. The president cant make it, so his daughter is here instead. And she and her fiancee just wants to meet all the artists her tonight to express their gratitude,"
Y/N and Hyun Dae bows and smiles to everyone as Taehyung stands frozen in place, the only thing he can hear is 'fiance'. Y/N is... engaged?
And... shes an heir?
"You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"
Yeah, they are worlds apart. He was right. But the truth is, Taehyung is the one whos way beneath her.
/////
"Lets go, lets go peopleeee," Namjoon clapped his hands a sign for them to get moving. Taehyung and the rest of the members climbed up their black van, still yawning from having to wake up early in the morning. They are off to another country for a month for their variety show shoot. A special content, the management said. Something to do with their new sponsors. Taehyung never really pay attention to all the boring details, all he knows is, he will do what he is asked to do, no question asked.
But as they land and making their way out from their private plane, Taehyung, still half asleep, need to take a double take when he saw Y/N and her fiance at the arrivals, standing atound with the crew, their luggage all around them.
"H-hyung?" He nervously tapped Yoongi's shoulder.
"What?" Yoongi grumbled, still cranky from being awaken from his beauty sleep on the plane.
"Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is that uh... Y/N?" Taehyung really wished he has gone crazy. Thats he is seeing things. That Yoongi will look at him funny and tell him theres no Y/N. And Yoongi did look at him funny, but his answer is totally not what hes expecting.
"Dont you know? Her father's company is our new sponsor for the show and they are here to monitor the shoot,"
Taehyung stopped in his tracks. He dont know why the news startled him. It shouldnt be affecting him at all. Right? Even he dont understand what he is feeling as he looked over to Y/N and Hyun Dae smiling at each other. Anger? Sadness? Happy? He cant be sure. But one thing he knows for sure, its going to be one hell of a month.
/////
"So... you arent going to tell me that you are engaged?" Taehyung jogged lightly, to catch up with Y/N whom he saw is taking a morning walk from his hotel roon window. They have free schedule for the first day and what luck, the first thing he saw this morning is Y/N, alone. Without that stupid chaebol.
"Oh, uh hi Taehyung," Y/N, startled at his presence, give a small smile and a polite bow.
"Hi Y/N," he smile. Honestly, he missed her. Well, they were pretty close before. As friends. Yes, of course as friends and nothing more! Taehyung reminded himself. "But seriously, you are never going to tell me you are engaged?"
"Do I have to?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm not even sure if I'm your friend or yoongis friend or whatever, you know? And I dont think you be interested to know anyway," she picked up her pace but Taehyung managed to catch up.
"What do you mean?! Of course I wanna know! And of course we are friends! And you didnt think to tell me that you father own half of Korea's music industry?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
"Well, you never ask. And I'm not one to go around telling people my family history Tae," she shrugged. "Afterall, why would a worldstar want to know about someone who is from a different world than him, right?"
Okay, he deserved that.
"Okay, Y/N, look," he pull her hand, stopping her from walking. "I am sorry about what I said that day. I dont know what I was thinking. I was startled by your confession. To be honest, the months I spent without seeing you at all, well... I missed you. I miss you, okay?"
Y/N sighed. Why is he doing this to her? Her heart is still recovering. Still trying to erased every love she felt for him.
"We are going to spend a whole month working together. Stuck in a small island. Why dont we be friends again? Hmm?" He made his famous puppy eyes, blinking his eyes rapidly, lips pouting. "Pleaaaase? Taetae is sorrryy,"
Y/N tried to keep a sttaight face but burst out laughing. She can never say no to that face.
"Fine Tae. You know I cant resist that stupid face," she laughs.
"So, friends?" Taehyung held out a hand and Y/N shakes it.
"Of course, friends,"
As he shakes her hand, smiling ear to ear, Taehyung realized, he had never felt this happy, and it scared him.
/////
They might have rekindled their friendship, but Taehyung couldnt get even 10 minutes alone with her without being disturbed by Yoongi or Hyun Dae, and its pissing him off. Worse, he have to watch all the romantic moments between the two love birds, and trust him, Hyun Dae is really not afraid to show his affection, its making him wants to throw up.
Suprising Y/N with flowers on set, setting up a special candle light dinner when the whole crew is eating, suddenly gets on stage in the middle of dinner and sing her a song. And that motherfucker can even play a guitar and he look damn good playing it too. Taehyung swore all the girls there are swooning over him. But what he hates most is all the admiring whispers.
"Y/N is so lucky"
"Hyun Dae is the perfect guy"
"I wish I was Y/N"
Urghhh. Annoying.
It also doesnt help that his relationship with Oraia has gone stale. Yeah, they text everyday, call each other every night. But nothing she says interest him. Taehyung mostly tune out whatever shes saying during their phone calls, eyes focusing on what Y/N is doing. The way she laughs when she talks to someone, her clusmy ways of doing things, her passion while working. All that is more interesting to him than his own girlfriend. His supppsedly perfect, beautiful, girlfriend.
It must be the island. He hasnt seen Oraia for almost a month now, and hes stuck here for all that time. Of course it will put a strain on his relationship. Yes, that must be it.
But as his heart bubbles with jealousy as he watches Y/N and Hyun Dae running around the beach, Hyun Dae catching Y/N by the waist and lift her up to kiss her, Taehyung knows for sure, that it is definitely not it.
/////
Taehyung tossed and turned for hours and after eventually still failing to fall asleep, he decide to take a walk by the beach. The moon is out and the breeze is welcoming. Its a good night to walk and collect his thoughts.
As he walked slowly along the beach, the cool air blowing his hair, he saw a figure sitting alone by the beach, eyes closed, enjoying the midnight breeze. Taehyung immediately smile.
Y/N.
"Hey," he approached her slowly and smile.
"Oh, Tae. Hi," she smiled back. "What are you doing here at this hour?"
"I cant sleep. What about you? Isnt it dangerous for a pretty girl to be alone so late at night?" He smile.
Y/N laughs.
"Its a private island Tae. I think its kinda safe. And you know I usually cant sleep and the sound of the ocean calms me down,"
Taehyung does know that. Back to the days when they use to spend so much time together, they always sit by the beach and talked. Well, usually, he will be the one who do the talking, because all he cares about is himself. And his problems. And Y/N always listen. To all his weird ramblings, his peculiar thoughts that people usually laugh at. Even Oraia sometimes makes fun of him. But Y/N listen to them all. Understand him even. Why didnt he realized that before?
"Well... can I join you?"
"Of course. Have a seat," she patted down the spot besides her and Taehyung makes himself comfortable. They talked and talked, laughter filled up the night air and Taehyung cant seem to care about anything else other than that moment.
"Oh god, my tummy is hurting from laughing so much," Y/N said, still giggling from what Taehyung said. "I forgot how funny and weird you are Taetaeee,"
Taehyung smile and looked at her, staring deeply at her laughing face.
"Its nice,"
"What is?" Y/N who has stopped laughing, asked him, confused.
"Hearing you call me Taetae again," he smile, making Y/N blushed.
"W-well, that is your name,"
"Yeah, yeah. It is," Taehyung smile, still staring at her. "Y/N? Are you happy?"
"Right now? Yeah I am. We have been laughing for hours Tae. Of course Im happy. Whats wrong with you?" Y/N giggles, trying to toned down the awkwardness shes starting to feel.
"No. I mean, are you happy? Like really happy? With Hyun Dae? Does he makes you happy?"
"H-hyun Dae?" Y/N was taken aback from the sudden question. "Uhh, of course I am, hes my fiance, of course he makes me happy Tae,"
"Really? Then why did you stutter?" Taehyung still looks at her, straight into her eyes with his sharp gaze.
"I- I did not stutter! Whats wrong with you Tae? You are being weird. But not normal weird," Y/N starts to dust off the sand off her, preparing to get up. "Its getting late. We should go in,"
Taehyung grab her hands, standing up with her.
"Do you love him? Do you love Hyun Dae?"
"Why are you asking me that Tae? You are being weird!" Y/N tries to shake off his grip but he held on tighter.
"Answer the question Y/N. Do you love him?"
"Hyun Dae is amazing! He cares for me. He loves me. He knows what I like, sweet, romantic, p-"
"But do you love him?"
"I-I," Y/N stuttered. "I dont need to answer that!" Y/N tries to pull her hand again but to no avail.
"You cant answer it because you dont love him. And you cant lie to me," Taehyung smile.
"You are crazy. Let my hand go Tae," Y/N insisted. "It has nothing to do with you!"
"But it does Y/N. It does, because you dont love him. Because you love me," Taehyung state matter of factly. "You always did and you always will Y/N,"
Y/N was speechless, shocked, surprised, that Taehyung would bring it up again. Tears starts to sting her eyes. She has never felt more hummiliated. Is Taehyung making fun of her? Of her feelings? She thought they were friends again. Why is he doing this to her?
"Just let me go!"
"I cant, and I wont,"
"Why?!" Y/N is crying now. She dont understand why Taehyung is being this way. "To hummiliate me even more? To make fun of my feelings for you?"
"What? No!" Taehyung cant believe Y/N would think of him to be that cruel. But maybe he deserved it. "Because I love you Y/N!" Taehyung pull her hands, making her fall into his arms and he immediately cup her face and captured her lips with hers. The kiss has never felt more electricfying. Taehyung felt goosebump all over his body, he hears fireworks went off everywhere. And right at that moment, he knows that hes in love.
But the moment only last for a split second when Y/N, tears already spilled down her cheeks pushed him away hard and slapped him across the face.
"Get away from me Kim Taehyung!"
Was the last word she screamed out before she ran away into the darkness.
/////
Taehyung almost went crazy trying to finish the rest of the shooting. After that fateful night, Y/N took the earliest flight home the next morning, leaving Taehyung with no way to contact her at all. No reply to his texts or his calls and he cant even get away from his stupid schedule to find her at home. He was lost.
Its the very first time in his life that he has seen things so clearly. He is in love with Y/N. And she left him being so lost.
It also doesnt help that after Taehyung told Oraia that he wants to break up, his crazy ex girlfriend bombared his calls, his texts, his friends, even his manager with texts begging to take her back. She even went so far as to include the media, giving sad interviews, crying her eyes out. Taehyung wondered how he didnt notice how crazy Oraia is. Maybe its true what they said, love is blind. But what they had isnt love. It never was. They both know they got together just because they seemed to look perfect for each other. Thats not love, and Oraia is just mad that shes no longer one half of the industry perfect couple.
/////
"Hey Tae?" Yoongi knocks on his hotel room, peeking his head. Theres still a week left of shooting, but Taehyung's heart is no where in it. All he wanted to do is to go back home, find Y/N and begged for her forgiveness until she takes her back. Hes going to convince her that he loves her. He really do. And not because he pity her, or because hes jealous of her relationship with Hyun Dae, but because he just realized it now. That from that moment he asked her where the bathroom is, hes already in love. Y/N has already caught his eyes, and heart from that first night at the concert, but he is too busy chasing his fame and title to realized it.
And now it might be too late.
Taehyung might have already lost the love of his life, forever.
"Yeah hyung?" Yoongi make his way in and sit on Taehyung's bed.
"Did something happen between you and Y/N? Did she going back home early has anything to do with you?"
Taehyung looked at his hyung with tired eyes. No longer bother to pretend or curious why his hyung us asking.
I told her I love her...." Taehyung said, tears stinging his eyes at the memory. "And she thinks I'm just playing her,"
Yoongi sighed.
"Are you?"
Taehyung sits up and hugs a pillow, looking at Yoongi with teary eyes.
"No hyung. Of course not. I really do love her. I love her so much. Im just too stupid to realized it then," he sniffles. "And now, I have to wait until this stupid shoot is over to win her back hyung, because shes not answering my calls or my texts. And I swear hyung, I will do everything to win her back from that Hyun Dae,"
Yoongi sighs again, looking away before looking back at the younger man.
"Tae... Y/N is getting married today. She suddenly said she wants to get married as soon as possible, doesnt matter if its a small wedding. She just wants to get married. Today,"
Taehyung looked at his hyung, eyes widen, not believing what hes hearing.
"I-I have to go hyung," he suddenly gets up.
"Go where Tae? What are you doing?"
Taehyung grabs his bag, not thinking anymore.
"To stop the wedding hyung, to win back the love of my life,"
/////
Y/N looks at her reflection in the mirror. Even with last minute preparations, her mother managed to do everything perfectly. Her dress, her makeup, her hair, her flowers, even her dressing room is perfect. Y/N smile to her reflection. But she knows its only superficial. Its a smile she puts on to convince everyone, to convince herself, that shes making the right decision. The right choice.
That shes happy.
And she know Hyun Dae will make her happy.
He have to.
"Dont marry him,"
Y/N turns around to find Kim Taehyung by the door. His hair a mess, shirt crumpled, eyes bloodshot from crying.
"T-Tae..."
"Dont marry him Y/N," he move closer to her. "Dont do it. Please. Please Y/N,"
"Taehyung, what are you doing here?" Y/N feel tears prickling her eyes. Why is he here. Why now? Why today?
"To tell you I love you Y/N," Taehyung sniffles and take her hand. "T-to tell you to not marry him. Dont marry him Y/N,"
"I-I cant Tae," Y/N shakes her head. "Hyun Dae deserves all the happiness in the world. He treats me so good Tae,"
"Then what about you? You deserve happiness too. Happiness with me Y/N,"
Y/N close her eyes and shakes her head. Why is Taehyung telling her all the things shes dying to hear before? But its all too late now. Too late.
"Marry me Y/N. Marry me. And I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. Marry me," Taehyung sobs and kneel down on his knees, begging, hand still holding hers.
Y/N starts to shake, trying to hold in her tears but it rolled out anyway, flooding her face.
"D-dont do this to me Tae. You dont love me. You dont. You dont!"
"I love you Y/N. I love you I love you I love you! I know I realized it too late. And thats my mistake. But I swear to you, that I'll spend forever making it up to you," Taehyung begs desperately. He cant lose her. He cant! "Please. Please, dont marry him Y/N. Please..."
Y/N closes her eyes. Tears rolling down her face, no intention of stopping. She wanted to say yes. God, how she wanted to say yes. How easy it would be. To be with the man he love. The man he had dreamed of. But she cant. Its not fair to Hyun Dae. And its not fair to her. To her heart that Taehyung has broken to pieces.
"Im sorry Taehyung... I cant," Y/N let go of his hand, tears dropping on the floor, wetting her beautiful white dress.
Taehyung felt like his whole world shattered to pieces. Thats it. Just two words. "I cant" and he lost her. He lost the love of his life.
After felt like an eternity, he stood up, face still wet with tears but a smile on his face.
"You look beautiful Y/N," he smile. "You always do.
Y/N sobs hard, her whole body shakes.
"Be happy Y/N. Hes an idiot if he dont take care of you. If he hurt you like I do. Hes an absolute idiot," Taehyung smile and carressed her face softly. "Be happy my princess. And when the time comes, come back to me. I'll always be waiting Y/N, because you are my true love, and we will always find our way back to each other,"
Taehyung placed a long, deep kiss on her forehead, eyes closed as tears flows down, knowing he has lost the love of his life, trying to savor the feel of her in his memories.
"I love you Y/N. And I'll wait for you, forever," he smile one last time as he turns around and walk away, leaving Y/N drenched in her tears.
/////
5 YEARS LATER
"Woohoooo, last concert for this tour guys, good job!" The members high five each other as they make their way into the dressing room backstage. Taehyung laughs and make his way into his own personal room, exhausted from a show well done.
"Hi, do you know where the bathroom is?"
Taehyung stopped in his track at the sound of the voice. A voice so familiar. A voice that haunts his dream for years. A voice that he never forgets.
He looks up, and there she is. Smiling at him.
"Y-Y/N?"
Y/N nods, giggling.
"Y/N?!" Taehyung runs to her and engulf her in a hug. "I am not dreaming am I? A-are you really here?"
Y/N giggles again.
"Its me Tae. Real life me. Im real,"
"W-why? H-how?"
"Well, if Im not mistaken, 5 years ago, someone told me that we will always find our way back to each other. And that he will wait for me, forever. Im just checking if he still keeps his promise," Y/N grins.
Taehyung hugs her tight.
"You dont know how I dream of this day every single day Y/N. How I waited to see you again. To feel you again. To hear your voice again," Taehyung hugs her, not letting go.
"Ive come back Taehyung. Ive come back to you,"
Taehyung cant believe this is happening. Then he remembered something. And although its something hes dreading to ask, he knows he has to know.
"H-Hyun Dae?"
Y/N smile at his nervous state. She has never seen someone so adorable. God, shes just so in love with him.
"We were never married Tae. When you came that day... everything changed. I didnt marry him. I couldnt. Not when I know my heart belongs to you. And Hyun Dae... he knows it too. And he loves me enough to let me find my own happiness,"
"W-what?"
"Im sorry it took so long. But I need to find myself. To really understand my feelings, your feelings... but Im here now, Taehyung... if you still want me..."
Taehyung grins.
"Is that even a question my love?"
Y/N giggles at the way he calls her.
"I love you Y/N. Since that first night we met. I have been yours. Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry for my mistakes. Im sorry fo-"
"Shhhh," she puts a finger on his lips. "It doesnt matter anymore Tae. All of it doesnt matter anymore," she smile. "Im here now. You are here now. And I, I love you Kim Taehyung,"
Taehyung grins. Such word has never felt so sweet. He felt happiness bubbling inside his chest. And in the first time in 5 years, he really mean it.
"I love you Y/N, my love, my soulmate,"
"I love you Taehyung. You really had me at bathroom," she giggles.
"Oh shut up," Taehyung laughs and lifts her up, wrapping her legs around him. "Just shut up and kiss me. Just kiss me baby,"
And she really did.
89 notes · View notes
vampireqrow-moved · 3 years
Note
hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual
im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!
in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?
if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.
why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔
why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!
basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.
a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.
many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.
how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.
if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.
if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.
a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.
prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.
why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.
just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.
i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.
again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf
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lillsxd · 3 years
Text
stupid project
peter parker x reader 
requested: no
word count: 1999
hey guys give me notes on what i should fix so i can get better thanks 
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what does life mean? what is living? i ask myself that everyday. why am i stuck in this crazy world? “y/n, y/n hello. earth to y/n” i hear snapping out of my thoughts “yes peter” i look over to him sitting in his desk tapping his pen to his mouth. “we have to get started on this paper” the nerdy friend of mine rolls his eyes and sitting back in his seat. i let out a sigh.”Pete i know but i dont wanna its stupid and annoying and” i stop and look at peter confused. He is looking behind me and back at me like there was a bug in my hair. i was about to say something as the blonde teacher slaps two detention notes on my and peters desk. as she walks away.
he whispers “really y/n again” this was the second time this week. “sorry lets get started” i reached for the instructions on peters desk and he stops me. “you know i could just do it later” he scratched the back of his neck. why would he say that. does he not think i can do this.  know this is our last grade of the year and peter dont believe in me  “no” i say with no emotion in my voice. “but y/n-” “no” i cut him off and snatch the paper from his hand and write down what i need to until i get cut off by the bell. i grab all my stuff together and leave as quick as i can before peter can say something to me.
why would he? as i walk down to the hallway to the bathroom to skip my last class i bump into his friends. “oh hey y/n” Ned says waving. i ignore him completely, trying to hold back my tears running to the bathroom locking the stall. he dont trust me. why am i reacting like this i should be mad i should just brush it off. the bathroom door opened and i lifted my feet up so no one sees me in here. “y/n are you in here” mj says. the footsteps get quiet as i dont respond, looking under the door i see her shoes. they are boots with little chains on them her shoelaces are mismatched and she knocks on my stall door. i dont answer looking around the stall. ‘school sucks’, ‘BLM’, ‘spider man is soooo hot’, were written on the stall wall with different handwriting and colors. “y/n are you okay” she knocked again. “im fine mj just ate something that messed up my stomach” i wiped my tears and pulled down my hair to fix it so my puffy eyes arnt noticeable.                                                                                                                                                                                                      As i put my feet down from the toilet about to unlock the door she slides a drawing under my stall. “i know thats not the reason that your in here maybe this will cheer you up, and y/n if you need anyone to talk to girl to girl call me my number is on the back. and if its peter i will kill him. i will let you be but for real text me i am here.” she says walking out of the gross bathroom. the door shuts and i grab the paper. It is a dawing of me and peter. it looks like it took months to finish and i flipped the paper over and it reveled her number. I've known peter for years we have always been the bestest of friends until he met mj and started to hang out more with them. ive been alone most of this school year. in the begging of the class he wouldn't talk to me or look at me or anything. it was like he forgot i existed. i got cut off from my thoughts as my phone lit up buzzing. i opened it to see peter texted me.
Pete: y/n are you okay?
Pete: please answer me
Pete: do you wanna come over and do this project after detention? we can listen to your fav music and watch movies afterwards?
my fingers tap out a message ‘no i dont want to i just wanna go home you dont even tr-’ no i shouldn't say that. i tap on the screen erasing the message i try again ‘sure Pete meet you by the buses’ i type out.looking at my screen for a minute. he will probably just bale on me like last time. so dont get my hopes up. my thumbs tap on the send button.
Pete: okay meet ya, are you coming in the next class?
my face gets all red. i forgot i had two classes with him how stupid ill just tell him im busy or something. ‘no i got called to the office for something dont tell teacher’ i type thinking it was a great excuse. i reach for my bag and grab out my sketch book and flip to an empty page. as my pencil sketched away the rest of the school day peter wad in class writing my notes for me until the bell rang.
After the bell rang i got out of the stall reaching for my bag of makeup going towards the mirror. I see black running down my face and fix it. i get out of the bathroom and start walking to the detention room. Maybe it wont be as bad i thought it would. “y/n over here” peter calls sitting in a empty desk patting a spot next to him i roll my eyes and walk twords him. “hey y/n” peter waves and i just nod and sit down. as the hour of detention goes by peter looks at me time to time seeing me draw something in my sketch book. “hey y/n” he whispers and pokes my arm. i look at him. “i have to do a quick thing before we head to my house okay so just wait for me” he says nervously. “ok” is all i say before the teacher looks at us. The rest of the time passes i get up to leave shoving my book into my bag and walking out to where the buses would usually be. i wait. putting headphones in i play Shawn mendes. listening to music waiting for peter.
As time goes by to 30 minutes to an hour to two hours to three. i get up from my sitting position. he ditched me again. i feel tears hit my cheeks as i start to walk home. walking turned into running hearing leaves crunching under my feet. music blasting in my ears. why. he is probably with mj or Ned. why do i trust him. why did he pick me for the project. why would he. tears getting stronger. running not home just anywhere. my feet taking me wherever they want until i reach the woods. there was smoke and pieces of metal everywhere. i wipe my face looking to see if anyone needs help. moving pieces of metal and wood and i see a blue and red piece of fabric from far away. i run to it..the person is  trapped under a big chunk of metal. “s-spider man?” i question. realizing its him the hero himself. he looks over and sees my puffy red face and coughs a little not being able to talk. i look at him more closely he is all beaten up and dirty. he has holes in his suit and some hair poking out of a rip on his head only revealing the color of his hair. “can you grab a pipe and lift up the metal please” he says trying to deepen his voice. “o-oh yes of course” i say grabbing a big pipe almost to heavy to pick up and shove it under the metal. i try to push it down but it wouldn't budge. so i stood on it and jump and as soon as it lifted a little he managed to push him self out.
“thank you ma’am that i have no clue who is at all” he says in his deep weird voice as he nervous laughs. i furrow my eyebrows and nod “sure Mr spider man who saves the world” i laugh copying his obviously fave voice. he just sits there in silence and i turn on my heals to walk away “wait” he says in a familiar voice “i mean wait” he cuts himself off in a deep voice. i stop and turn around waiting for him to continue. “who ever you are running from he will come back just give him time” he says in his deep voice and starts to limp away and lift his arm up and start swinging away. what was that about and what was that terrible voice. and why did he seem so familiar?
I start to walk home forgetting about peter. after hours i get home seeing no car in the drive way. “looks like its a late night for me” i say under my breathe unlocking the front door and stepping inside. i throw my backpack on the ground and take my shoes off. my body hurts but i still manage to get up the stairs and going to my room. as i lay down on my bed my phone rings. i look at it. ‘Pete’ it says buzzing in my hand i answer it
“what peter” i frown into the phone disappointed and sad.
“y/n i am so sorry i ditched you i was leaving and i got a call from my boss and i had to come in im-” i cut him off  “peter its okay down worry about it goodnight” i say about to hang up
“wait can i come over i can explain everything so much better” he says nervously “ i guess peter” i say hanging up. ten minutes has passed and i hear a knock at my door. i run down stairs and open it to see peter. he has a big coat on with black sweat pants. he has bruises all over his fave and cuts. i gasp and grab his face “ OH my god peter what happened are you ok let me clean you up” i say grabbing his hand bringing him towards the bathroom “y/n im ok its just a scratch” he said squeezing my hand softly. i stop “i swear if flash did this i will kill him.” clenched my jaw, opening the bathroom door and making him go in and i close the door behind me. “no y/n it wasn't him i promise but i do have to talk to you” he says grabbing the rubbing alcohol from my hands. “well what is it peter? if it was about ditching me we can talk about it later let me-” he cut me off by unzipping his jacket showing me his suit “y/n im spider man thats why ive been ditching you someone very dangerous was out there today you helped me get out from under scrap metal today y/n” he says pulling out his beated up mask from his jacket pocket and looked at me.
i was just standing there looking at him in shock. “y/n?” he says “you are spider man?” i say in shock “yeah im sorry i didn't show up after school and been treating you differently” he said holding my cheek “parker is spider man” i smile “ i knew it” i giggle “your man voice is funny” i say looking into his eyes. he leans in “y/n” he licks his lips and looking at your lips and back to your eyes. “hm” i say leaning in to where our lips are almost touching. He kisses me passionately as i kiss back holding onto him. i pull away for air and i say looking in his eyes smiling...
“ive always loved you parker”
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voidselfshipp · 3 years
Text
Troubled troubles
Ok to rb
Summary:Basically s/I and adler fluff, a bit of angst and a buttload of oc stuff
Gif by travellar on Tumblr
@romancologist @mycinnamonapples uwu
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Another Slam of hands on the table announces jerico that adler is yet having problems with something, she sighs Rolling her shoulders back, and her two cats sit ontop of them.
--Oh boy I do love hearing my boyfriend mad--she said playfully leaning on the doorsill of adler's Office.
Russel turns to look at her, he smiles a bit --Hey princess, sorry for makin too much noise,I know you dont like that
Jeri shrugged and Walked over, sitting on her boyfriends lap--Okay let me see whats up
--Ive been trying to fix this radio for Woods, nothings workin
She takes the radio and looks at it--Did you notice some of the cables are broken? Like when your headphones cable is broken and you twist the cord around for it to work?
--...wait what?
--Yeah its broken see?
Adler internally facepalms as his cheeks turn red--How could I not notice that?
Jer kisses his scarred cheek and leaves the radio on the desk standing up--Anyway ill go chance, todays prayer Day at cycle coasts main temple,you sure you dont want to go?
--No babe,im alright you go enjoy your terran stuff
She chuckled and shook her head walking over to her room to change.
The Roaring of the motorcycle engine drowned out any other sound in the garage, jerico put her helmet on,both of her cats tucked in her backpack,peeking through the semi Open compartment.
Her black cat mewls and presses their snout against the back of her head--Im alright vica,I just wish Russ came with me whenever we have celebrations, its something I dont want him to miss...but alas...--Her cat hissed and she snorted a chuckle-- dont be mad at him,our culture can be hard to digest
The cat rolled their eyes and sunk back into her backpack.
The wind hit her visor as she drove to cycle coast, she looked at the cloudy Sky, and sped up.
The drums could already be heard, jer chained her motorcycle to a post and Walked to the beach,there people in traditional terran wear danced with fans,banners and sticks, she sat amongst the crowd listening to the old woman talk.
Her hair was long,braids sprinkled about her hair, white as the moon,the traditional pristess robe, blue and black touched the sand and her long sleeves draped as she talked.
--Jerico...nice to see you could join Us.
Jerico smiled--Id never miss it
--did you bring your handsome boyfriend with you?
Jeri looked away--no,hes not really into our culture
The old womans brow furrow--such a shame...I wanted to meet him--she then perked up at the audience --You see, jerico has come here since she was a little trouble making bean about this tall--she puts her hand against her shoulder--so she heard this tale Many many times
When humans and gods lived along eachother--the elder pristess said-- and demons Ran amok at night,our goddess of death fell in love with one of those creatures.
She had Fallen for the King of the black demon hell, and had a child.
This is the child we'll talk about,in our books hes named xazo kazlaz or bell, it says that then elementus got wind of their relationshipp and they had to split.
About deaths son however.. she raised him to be the one that would guide the people to the afterlife...or hell navigating through the vast ocean of the dead with bells to guide him and Open the Doors to each realm...
Does anybody know why hes represented as an axolotl?--
Jerico raised her hand, and the pristess let her talk--because hes both a god and a demon, hes half and half like the axolotl that is an amphibian creature
The woman nodded-- very good,now lets commune back at the temple shall we?
As the people left, both the priestess and jeri were left alone,both Walked a bit distanced from the crowd.
--Thats one of my favourite stories you know zaivelaz
The woman smiled--I know thats why when I got your letter of you coming I changed it, its more interesting that the story of our patron goddess fighting over a piece of cheese
Jer started to laugh--Yeah that day was one hell of a day
Zaivelaz shook her head--Being a goddess amongst humans is hard?
--Like you have no idea,specially with my boyfriend,two of the people gods in my family had human partners and they...they died,im scared something similar Will happend to him
Her companion put a hand on jericos shoulder--It wont...I promise
--Thanks...zai
The steps along the floating bridge were Many,jeri couldnt help but wonder how it would be if adler was here.
She struggled so much with showing him her culture that it made her feel sad,then again one of the moral rules in Terras was not to force anyone,and she wouldnt break it.
She sat on the floor with the priestesses and closed her eyes interlocking her fingers as she softly whispered.
--Hey ozi...Been a while...--she sighed-- I left you some offerings by your statues feet, I know you dont like this sorta stuff...but ive missed you, a lot, just...just..tell eryz and abbadon that I love em..and that same goes to you..i love you aunt ozi
After the prayers it was time for the festival, jeri Spotted a young Man wearing all black, white eyes,and black hair in a bun.
The Man seemed to notice her as he ran to her,hugging her tightly.
--Abbadon!--She said kissing her cousins cheek--Ive missed you
Abbadon put his hand in his pockets--Ive missed you too...what I could not miss is this festival! All because of our family?, wow!
Jer giggled and offered her hand--Wanna dance?
--You bet!
Their feet moved in synch,the flags spun in circles as they danced.
Abbadon threw his banners and jeri catched him, and he hers.
They were enjoying themselves when the music stopped abruptly.
They Turned to see the people around them that were equally confused.
The musicians pointed at the huge tide approaching them.
Both demigod cousins stepped infront of the tide and stopped it as its about to break, they both looked at eachother and nodded.
Jeri pushed it to one side, and abbadon followed, the water splashed them and them only and nobody got hurt.
--Your mom needs to stop sending tides that could literally drown someone when she wants to send a sign...
Abbadon crouched putting his hands on his knees,batting his hand at his cousin--i tried... no way talking her out of It
The celebration ended with no further altercations, jerico went back home and took a quick warm shower to then collapse on the bed.
--Hes still with that fucking radio isnt he?...--She sighed giving up--why do I even try anymore?
The sun filtered through the blinds jerico groaned and opened her eyes,only to find her boyfriends spot on the bed empty.
She grunts and sits up, her cats sitting on her lap-- I know I know..--she picks them up and walks to the kitchen where she gives both of them their food.
Jeri felt a pair of arms hug her from behind, she sighs nuzzling into adlers chest.
--Good morning sweetheart
--Hey...
--Watcha cooking there?
--Bacon and eggs for you and a healthy terran breakfast for me
--Oh...good
Both ended up eating their breakfast in silence, Russell could tell there was something wrong with his girlfriend, he took her hand and she looked at him,those beautiful eyes he loved looking at were filled to the brim with sadness.
--babe...whats up?--He asked concerned.
--I just...wish you could come with me whenever we have festivals here--she said taking a bite from her waffle that had cream and pieces of caramelized fruit--its something I really really want you to participate in...but I know you dont like this sorta stuff and I wont force you
Adler sits back realizing what he had done, hes been neglecting a part of her that is important to her,those were her roots and he was stepping all over them.
He finished his breakfast and Walked over to her, lifting her up and hugging her--Im so sorry babe--he kissed her cheek-- I know this is important to you and i--
Jeri smiled kissing him again and cupping his cheeks--How about you come to todays festival in time temple with me huh?you dont have to wear our traditional attire,but I tell you it gets cold there
--Id love to, do I have to bring something?
--Not really, im going to make an offering though,it depends on the person
--perfect then...cant wait
Both smiled and kissed again.
The end of the day arrived quickly between work and chores to do.
Adler was waiting by the door fixing his leather jacket.
--How do I look?
Russ looks up at jerico and gasps--Very pretty
She smiled playing with the hem of her green turtle neck that had her shoulders peeking, her roman sandals clicked and clacked with every step she made.
The drive to time temple wasnt long, and luckily they arrived just in time for the story.
The elder priestess smiled when she saw jerico and nodded, proceeding to talk-- a long time ago, the second generation of dieties were born, they were meant to regulate life, amongst the three of them we find our patron goddess...chronos the incessant pass of time...
Elementus tasked a human to build a machine that could measure time, that is when the first sun clock was born,the human handed it to the Creator and with a sprinkle of magic the clock changed into a small girl, with short black hair, she had pale skin and two pale blue eyes, and from there,she was born.
Trained by elementus sister, Ray,the god of war...she then moved to her Realm where she measures time and the life of every being in existence..., from humans to animals and even objects, some say that she collects clocks of all kind and if.you want to meet her youll need to bring the rarest of clocks,of course, its all myths...or...are they?--the priestess finished her tale,and the offerings began.
Adler uncomfortably stayed behind as jeri prayed,she then Turned to him and ushered him to come closer.
--And this is my boyfriend, Russell
--Babe what are you doing?
--Introducing my aunt to you
--Your...aunt?
--Yeah ive told you like a month ago im half goddess..and this is my aunt...chronos
--I...I thought you were joking when you said that --Jeri Turned at her boyfriend with a face of pure disbelief,he hunched his back--Sorry...
--Anyway..chronos...hes my boyfriend Russell, I wish you were here to meet him...hes very sweet sometimes
--Sometimes?
She chuckled and kissed his cheek-- sometimes--she then Turned at the statue--i wish you were here to meet him, I really miss you--Adler gave her some space and sat back on the chair--i miss you and dad so much...--she stood up--Ill..ill see you later auntie chronos--she smiled and Walked over to adler hugging him.
The festival inside the temple was full of music and food of all kinds, and both came back home exhausted.
Adler maybe got a solid six ours of sleep before hes awaken by her girlfriends voice--Babe...babe wake up...
He smiled kissing her--Morning princess
--There you are,change quickly my family came to visit
His eyes Open wide --What?
--Yeah they are here, come on change
She patted his chest and Walked into the kitchen, where abbadon was setting the table.
Adler Walked in a few minutes later only to find two men and three women talking with her girlfriend,who noticed him and hugged him--Okay everyone, say hi to russel,Russell this is abbadon, this is chronos--she said pointing at the woman with short black hair and glasses-- those are my aunts eryz and ozi, aka the goddeses of life and death--
Adler was baffled at the normalcy jeri used when talking about her family,he looked at ozi,her black Long hair fell down to the floor, a scar along her left eye and she was wearing a long blue. sundress,eryz had short brown hair, using the same glasses as chronos was, she had vitiligo and was wearing a white shirtdress with a green fitted blazer--and this is my Dad,Raymond.
To say adler was scared shitless was an understatement,his father in law was wearing a black leather jacket,black jeans and boots,a white t-shirt and aviator sunglasses, he was also way taller than him,with his black hair pushed back and two scars on each side of his face,one under his right eye and one right on the left side of his jaw in the middle between his mouth and the spot where both jaw and neck meet.
Chronos laughed and softly elbowed Ray-- Raymond youre scaring the poor human
--He better treat my daughter alright..
Jeri smiled and kissed russel--Dont worry dad he does
They all sat to eat breakfast, adler seemed intimidated by the dietys around him,but slowly let his guard down, they were a pleaseant bunch in their own way, more human than hed like to think.
Sadly after breakfast they all had to leave.
After saying their goodbyes russel and jerico end up cuddling on the bed.
--Your family is nice--russel said as he ran his fingers through her hair.
--nexts to meet yours
He chuckled--Maybe
They kiss, and he hugs her waist enveloping her in a tight bear hug.
--I love you jer
--I love you too russ
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legion1993 · 4 years
Text
Never Let Me Go
Never let me go
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A/N : this is just a small little tiny story to get myself out of a writing block.. im branching for a moment or 2 away from the world of Supernatural and into a similar but very different universe! lets see how this goes!
Pairing: Kol Mickelson x Reader
Tags: fluff, flirty talk, some dirty talk, touring new orleans, Kol turning you into a vampire at your request, mean drunks trying to get you alone, Kol saving you, anything along those lines
Summmery: not mine to give…
Masterlist
This was to be the day, the start of your new life. You had moved to new orleans, more specifically into the french quarter to get away from your past.
You arrive at night, walking from the airport to the french quarter you find the streets alive with music, dancing, musicians and most importantly drunks.
You head to your apartment, putting in your stuff you decide to go check out the closest pub. walking through the quarter, you could only marvel at the sights that lay before you. this was you new home this was your fresh start.
Kol was sitting in the very pub you were just outside of… Kol was sitting in his favorite spot by the door, so he could see everyone who was entering, see if he could find the gem through all the drunks.
you walked in a few moments later and for Kol it felt as though time slowed down… he watched you head to the bar and order a drink. you ordered just a normal vodka and Sprite… you made it a double even, you were not sure how to start over in a new place. 
Kol watches you making sure that no harm comes to you, but indeed there were alot of drunk idiots in the pub that night. you were one of the only gems he has seen walk through that bar that very night. 
at that moment his hearing picked up a conversation between a few of the guys a few tables away , he began to tense up listening to them talk, it made his blood boil… then his thoughts and watchful gaze were interrupted by a hand being placed on his shoulder… 
 rebekah: “chill brother its just me…” 
Kol: “what are you doing here beks?” 
rebekah: “nick sent me to find you, he was worried that you might be causing trouble during this night…” 
kol: “nope im just keeping my eyes peeled for the new and exciting…” 
rebekah: “you mean like that girl, that you keep staring at?” 
Kol nods turning back to stare at you some more, then he realizes that the guys that were talking about your physique before were now heading towards you. 
Rebekah watched the look in her brothers eyes turn from just gazing in love to worried and ready to strike should the need arise… both of them now watching the following events unfold.
 Meat head 1: “hey pretty thing wanna come with me and have some fun?“ 
You sip slowly at your drink before answering. 
YN: “no thank you.“ 
Meat head 2: “your new here arent you? And from the smell of things your a virgin too…”
 This made you go radio silent, you tensed up at the feeling of their hands traveling over your body. This sight made Kol get up off his chair and come barging through their stances. 
 Kol: “leave her alone you stupid muts…" 
You look at Kol his eyes piercing your soul, kol keeps an eye on both those muts as he helps you off the chair and you both start walking towards rebekah… little did you both know that tonight was the first night of the rest of both your lives.
Kol and you run the opposite way of the pub going away from the muts and arriving at a gate surrounded by mass amounts of archetecture… you marvelled at the structure, kols hand tightened round your own.. 
Kol: “come on chica, i have some people who are very anxious to meet you…”
YN: “you kmow if you had approached me sooner i wouldnt have stopped you from touching my leg the way those guys were.”
Kol: “i definately would have done so and made sure no one saw anything…”
YN: “well what do you want to do right now? Any risks you want to take at this precise moment?”
Kol had to think cause yes there were risks he wanted to take but he wanted to try one specific thing at that moment but being a gentlemen he decided to just close the space between the 2 of you. 
The feeling of his skin against your own, the twinkle to his eyes in the moonlight, the way he spoke made you feel week at the knees. But instead of your mind being careful with your thoughts, they started being the exact opposite. 
Kol: “i think ive fallen for you…”
That was the last thing said for a while, cause as he said that last word he kissed you, he had cupped your cheeks and kissed you. In that moment nothing else mattered, in that moment all else seemed useless… 
5 minutes later the kiss broke and both of you took in a gasp of breathing… before another word would be spoken a gust of wind past by the both of you.
YN: “dont let anything happen to me please..”
Kol: “i promise i wont… ill never let you come to harm…”
You both walked inside the gate, the first thing that catches your eye is the architecture… the next thing that catches your attention is the number of people in the room… 
Rebekah: “see, i told you all that it was true…”
Elijah: “so it seems.. what do you make of this Niklaus?”
Niklaus: “i think our brother seems to have found himself someone new.. shall we meet her? Welcome back brother… rebekah told us what happened… you both are very lucky… come forward with her brother, so we may all have a chat…”
Kol and you join them at the table, not knowing what to expect but sitting there you held onto kols hand knowing that whatever the outcome he would not leave your side.
Kol: “i just realized we didnt be properly introduced… im Kol…”
YN: “YN its nice to meet you, all of you actually… im new in town i just moved in today… but kol can you please explain why you called those guys in the pub muts….”
Elijah: “muts are werewolves they are always thinking with their downstairs brain not their brain brain…”
You had stood and moved away from the table slightly  at the mention of werewolves… your brain trying now to make sense of everything that has just been said… 
YN: “werewolves are not supposed to exist… they are not supposed to exist period… i dont suppose there is a way to make more sense of all of this…”
Klaus: “i suppose you should also know that i am part werewolf and part vampire, my brother Elijah is a vampire, my sister rebekah is a vampire, our other sister Freya is a witch and kol is a vampire…”
at that moment you backed up and ran up the stairs and into the first open room you could… you were scared, well that was obvious… you sat on the bed and kicked off your shoes took off your jacket and started trying to breathe… you were not sure of what was happening, the man you now were in love with was a vampire…
something that should not exist and the fact that it did made you concerned, you had never given much thought to the possible existence of the supernatural though having kissed one now opened your eyes to what exists that should not…
a few moments of sitting there later you hear your name being called… you say nothing but instead flop backward on the bed… you let out a long exhale of breath, before turning your head towards the door to see Kol standing there…
Kol: “im sorry love, you shouldnt have found out that way… not about any of this… i had plans to tell you the truth after you had settled in to life in new orleans. i never meant for you to be ambushed like that… truth is your the first girl in a very very long time that has made me feel alive again…”
YN: “Kol tell me the truth, would you have even bothered with me if i had not been in trouble…”
 kol had now come to lay kinda beside you on the bed as he propped himself up on his elbow and smiled. 
Kol: “i would have come up to you as soon as you walked in that door… i wouldnt have let those muts say anything mean or dirty about you, we would have drank and drank till the late hours and partied more in the dirtiest ways possible. Cause from the moment i saw you, my entire world has spun slower like im normal again…”
 YN: “then why would your brother out you all to me like that… does he have no considerstion for feelings?”
  Kol: “nope, he is actually always an ass… but he loves me all the same… now i can think of a few things we can do to brighten up the mood but we need some scotch first..” 
You sat up once he left the bed going to the table in the corner and thats when the words spilt out of your lips so fast that your filter left you entirely. 
YN: “turn me Kol…” 
You had no idea you had even been thinking that till you said it… kol came right back to lay beside you, he knew what you had said and he thought he knew why, but there was still reassurance needed before a decision this big could be fully made.
kol: “are you sure that is what you want?” 
YN: “I came to New Orleans for a fresh start, now finding you, being with you in this moment this is my fresh start… This is where I now belong.”
 Kol: “before I turn you there is something I want to do first, so we do this properly…”
 You kinda look at him confusingly but he gets up and helps you up as well. Kol walks you to the stair case and then tells you to hold on for a moment, then he is back in front of you and down on one knee… 
Kol: “family I invite you to bare witness to this momentous occasion… I’m not sure if any of you heard what me and YN were discussing but she came here for a fresh start, she wants me to turn her she wants a completely fresh start. But I want to do something properly first, she and I shared a moment before I brought her in to meet you guys… we could feel it in our hearts we are meant to be together but i want to do things right by me, her and our family name… so YN akthough we only just met, this is love at first sight and truly happy we shall be if you will do me the incredible honor of marrying me?” 
You smile not looking directly at the ring but at the man holding it, he was your new start, he was your future, he was your soulmate! You hold out your hand and feel the cool metal sliding cross your finger, kol stands up to be face to face level with your eyes!
 YN: “yes!” 
Kol: “Elijah, dear brother, will you do the honor of officiating this momentous ceremony?”
 Elijah was beside you in seconds, he took your hand in his and placed a kiss to the back of it…
 Elijah: “I’m happy my brother has found a eternal love! It will be my highest honor to officiate your ceremony!”
Kol: “i guess we have a wedding to plan…”
YN: “elgance is a must, but we need to set a date…”
rebekah and Klaus are upstairs with you in a few moments… 
Rebekah: “what about we have the wedding in a week… more than enough time to pull something together… omg i get a sister… this is so exciting… alright so i already have several ideas for your wedding and the dress obviously we are going together in the next few days…”
YN: “yes i have several ideas as well infact if we go tomorrow rebekah you can help me carry a few of my bags back here and i can show you my wedding notes…”
Rebekah: “yes of course and Elijah obviously will accompany us to and from the retrieval of your bags so we can both see your notes… of course Kol will also see the notes but that might be after he finishes the errands im gonna send him on…”
Elijah: “naturally of course i will be delighted to grace this magnificant city with my prescence.”
Kol skowls at his sister and then smiles at you…
Kol: “cant wait sis…”
you stood beside kol and smiled, his brother and his sister except for Klaus was warming up rather nicely… Klaus was skeptical as he always was about every change that affected his family.
 Klaus: “brother may I have a few words with you…. Brother to brother. Rebekah can you take the soon to be newest member of our family and get her set up in kols quarters… He will be along after our little chat…” 
Kol smiled as he leaned down to kiss you, he pulled back and released you into the care of his sister. 
Kol: “lead the way Nik…”
 Kol follows Klaus as you are left with Rebekah and Elijah standing on the stairs. 
{~*A/N this is where it’s gonna get a little confusing… It’s gonna be splitting off into 2 separate convos… One between Rebekah and YN. And one between Kol and Klaus… Don’t worry this story will end with a happily eternal after. Back to the story. *~}
———————-
Kol and Klaus go into the lower chambers, so neither side can hear the conversations. Klaus shuts the gate behind him after Kol enters the room and he speeds pinning his brother to the wall…
Klaus: “what the hell is wrong with you? brother falling in love with a human thats risky and completely irrational, what do you think is gonna happen… what happened to staying loyal to the family… though our brother and sister seem to have no regards for what ever is happening between you and this girl… now your marrying her in a week… you need to get your head on straight…”
before klaus could finish Kol throws his brother to the ceiling and lets him fall before shouting at his brother…
Kol: “i love her… Nik i love her… i know your not entirely thrilled with whats happening… but this is how it will be, this is my choice, its my life not yours… just because you have fucked up your life, doesnt mean you get to control ours… you have driven almost every single guy out of our dear sisters life, Elijah doesnt even try cause he is too busy cleaning up after you and your antics… if someone in this family deserves to be happy, it should be me… whether you accept it or not this will happen and YN will be a vampire in a week and if you desire there will be a spot on the guest list just for you… my head is on straight Nik its you that needs to straighten out your head…”
klaus: “you are gonna have to also straighten out your head if you hope to go through with starting a life with this half wit bitch who needs a lesson in manner. or needs to learn whose in charge around here…”
Kol: “no she doesnt, cause we wont be answering to you. we will do what we want when we please and if you want to continue to remain in our lives more specifically in mine, you are gonna have to smarten up and stop trying to control everything and everyone around you… please Nik if you ever were serious about us being brothers then please stop being a class 1 jackass, get your head out of the 16th century and start living in the now… now if you dont mind im gonna go get a bottle of wine from my collection for me and my fiance to drink while we plan our fantastic wedding.”
Kol walks away leaving Klaus alone with his thoughts…  he went to find a nice merlot that would suit the rest of the evening alone that you both would share… he had hoped that when he went upstairs to find you that you and Bekah would be done your conversation…
———————
meanwhile, while Nik and Kol were having their little argument you and Rebekah were having a civilized woman to woman conversation…. going over what was in your brains for ideas for the wedding then this conversation took a sharp turn…
rebekah: “so how did you come to move to new orleans…”
You sat up and leaned your head against the pillow against the headrest as you began to answer.
YN: “i had to get out of my previous city… the person i was living with was abusive and just an over all class 1 jackass… he was not the best person to be roommates with at all… but one night i was sleeping and i woke with a fright as he was towering over me jerking off and he tried to rape me but i hit him over the head with a lamp and i went outside the room called the cops and waited for them to show up.., when they did they arrested him and let me grab a few of my essentials and brought me into protective custody… his hearing went against him he is now in jail and probably will never be let out… but anyway when i got put into protective custody the cops were very clear that i had to go as far away as possible they gave me cash to get far far far away from there and never look back so i went to the airport by police escort, booked a flight to the first place i thought of and ended up here with only my essential belongings… and a few new items.”
Rebekah gave you a hug and smiled… you both then hear humming echoing through the walls… 
Rebekah: “i suppose your wondering how the process of turning you into a vampire will go…”
YN: “kinda ya… i just want to know how it will go so i kinda know what to expect…”
Rebekah: “thats understandable… so the process may sound a bit disgusting but thats just the way things have been done for ages… so once you both are pronounced husband and wife, there will be a few photographs simple but elegent one with each of me nik and elijah several shots of you and Kol and then a family portrait… then during the reception you and Kol will get up to make the speech last, during the last part of the speech Kol will speak… he will then go through this process… in your wine he will have put several or more drops of his blood in there course thats to drown out half the taste… once he toasts you drink the entire glass then you both will breathe it in the excitement and new beginning still new and fresh in your minds. he will kiss you and upon breaking the kiss he will tell you he loves you then snap your neck there by killing you… within 8 hours after you will wake beside Kol who will present you with a blood bag which you will drink entirely maybe wanting another maybe not… but thats basically it from there its learning control and how to use all the tricks.” 
You laid back on the bed and kinda smiled at rebekah, as you both seemingly continued to bond getting along but before you could respond kol was standing in the doorway.
 Rebekah: “dear brother how long have you been standing there?”
Kol: “not long, just long enough to watch you too bonding…”
rebekah: “do you need anything else YN?”
You look at Kol whose just eyeing you up and down..
YN: “nah im good ill see you tomorrow bright and early ish for some head start wedding planning…”
Rebekah gives you a hug as she gets up and heads out the door closing it behind her. Kol takes off his jacket, kicks off his shoes and pours 2 glasses of wine, he hands one to you and both of you take several sips.
Kol: “i never thought ever that id be married in this lifetime or the next… or well any lifetime… im just happy to be starting the next chapter of my forever with an amazing lady such as you.”
 YN: “this move was not in my future at all at the beginning of the year, but now i feel like i can safely fade out of my old life and into my new one with you.”
 Kol takes your wine glass from you and places both yours and his on the nightstand, he then runs his hands over your forearm, tracing every inch of it as he lwans in closer to you..
 Kol: “tomorrow when we are with my sister and dear brother wedding shopping we will also introduce you your new home. Now let us fall into a kiss of lasting slumber till morning light breaks the sky.”
 The making out began while you changed into the shirt that kol gave you to wear for the night, and ended when you both fell asleep in eachothers embrace waking not only to morning light but also to the knocking that was happening on the door. 
 With groans from both of you and adjustments to the bedding, you both greeting the one who walked into the room. It was klaus. 
 Klaus: “ah fantastic your awake…” 
Kol: “we are now brother thank you… now i hope you have a very good reason for this cause we would like to get back to sleep…” 
Klaus: “just came to let you know that the french quarter is home to mardi gras and you know how things get and well also to say that i support this union if it means your happiness brother.”
Kol and you kinda sit up against the headboard as you both stare at klaus.. 
Kol: “are you being serious nik…”
 Klaus: “im being deadly serious. Besides brother i have my own news, i have found a venue for your wedding, a place thats special to our family a place where you both need to go before the reception is begun… brother its timd to show YN the place that only a few years ago you awoke from a coffin…" 
Kol: “eventually but right now we are quite content with being married here in new orleans.. especially during mardi gars. Now nik is that all?”
 Klaus: “yes ill let you both be and ill see you later.”
you and Kol take a few longing stares at eachother before curling back into eachothers arms again and falling back into a peaceful sleep. another several hours to pass before the streets of new orleans become lively enough that the noise catches both your ears. 
this prompts the both of you to get up from the bed and go to stand on the balcony. absolutely certain that it was the start of mardi gras. sure enough down below the streets full of people dressed in bright vicious looking colors and vibrant songs play. 
you and Kol start your day… this kept you busy well the wedding planning did… you learned a bit of the history behind the city and your fiance’s family involvement. you meet a few interesting people along the way. 
you then come to the night before the wedding. you and Kol had just finished going through the lists and making sure you had everything prepared and that the compound was ready for the events that would progress the next day. 
Kol: “attention family and honored friends. thank you all so much for helping us pull this together this past week has been insane and we appreciate everything you all have done. tomorrow we welcome a new Vampire into our little family. tomorrow i will turn my bride giving her a freash new start to life and the release from her past that she craves. i thank you all once more for the help in decorating, planning, and putting this entire event together. we are gonna be very happy together for all eternity. which is why i have a gift for my beautiful bride curtisy of Vincint. i had him make this at the beginning of the week… please say you will wear it always and forever.”
you are handed a small but rectangular box, you open it to reveal a daylight necklace. you smile as you nod your head. 
YN: “always and forever. Lapis lazuli very nice…”
Vincint: “that is your daylight necklace, it will allow you to continue to walk in the sunlight after you becime a vampire. This way Kol and the rsst of us xan continue to help you on your journey for all eternity wuthout that pesky problem of daylight. Congratulations to both of you… to the happy couple!”
 The congratulations and champange flowed, eventually you were taken away by rebekah and kol the same thing by klaus… you and rebekah prepared a couple things to make the getting ready process easier. 
Then you both lay your heads down to rest for the night knowing that the next day would bring happiness and family all in one shot. You closed your eyes excited for the events of the next day!
 The lights were strung high ready to sparkle and shimmer.
 The flowers were fake from the store cause you were very bad at gardening.
 The table cloths were already owned, and made in the 16th dentury… shit thats old.
 The dinner ware same thing old as shit but gold and shiny.
 Kols tux was well only a half tux so he has his navy vest, red dress shirt, and navy pants. And man was he ever gonna be handsome! 
Rebekahs dress was a wine red short dress with sparkles and beading on the bodice.
 Your dress was a sexy backless wine red short dress which you were certain would knock kols socks off.
 Klaus and elijah both wore navy tuxs and the ceremony would begin at 3pm.
your hair would be done last. the first priority was for you to put on a bikini and let rebekah help you get your hair washed and relax like any good mannered maid of honor should. 
Rebekah: “look i get it your nervous. but dont worry, being part of this family means we dont let any member walk alone at all. you will be an excellent vampire. now lean back and relax, we will have you looking sexy and hot for my dear brother in no time. now dont worry about a thing, you will be fine, everything will go as planned. now get into that bikini and get into the bath, ill come in when your ready and ill give you a shoulder massage as well as help you wash your hair. and we can talk about girl stuff and gab and all that fun stuff…”
YN: “thank you Rebekah. you being here with me today is actually a huge relief that i wont have to get myself ready for my own wedding. i didnt have any siblings that i know of nor any friends…. it was a very lonely time back home… now i am actually gonna live with people who i know will always be by my side so thank you for everything!”
Rebekah: “your selcome. now get into that bath before i vamp speed it upon you…”
you take the bikini and the towel going into the bathroom. it was amazing the decor and the view. you could still see and hear the festivities of the people below but you also were occupied with putting on the bikini and getting into the bath. 
first step in was warm, the water was warm, you were smiling as you sunk into the water. you let out a kind of loud sigh as you spoke…
YN: “its safe bekah, come on in girl.”
rebekah comes in and smiles as another lady walks in beside her… 
rebekah: “this is my sister freya. she just arrived from helping with a witch problem out of town. she came in to meet the newest member of the family.  but she is a witch. she helped pick the necklace with Kol for you.”
Freya: “hello YN, im freya. please allow me take away some of your nerves to better help you relax.”
you nod as rebekah comes up behind you to set up to wet down and wash your hair. Freya goes to grab some sage and burns the tip as she mutters a few words, you begin to feel alot more relaxed. 
you feel the stress and nervousness leave your body as Freya comes to put a touching coat of wine red Nail polish on your nails, your hands were for obvious reasons staying out of the water.
YN: “can we deal with my toes once im out of the bath?”
Freya: “of course, cause we can mosturize your feet as well to help with blisters and such too… not to worry girl, we got this. trust me i know how you feel bout my brother. im in that same boat with a lovely lady of my own… of course she wont be attending this ceremony she understands that this is a family matter.”
YN: “i need to get something off my chest…”
Freya mutters a few extra words.
Freya: “we can now speak freely ive sound proofed the room.”
YN: “i never thought in a million years i would ever get married, not to someone as wonderful as Kol. i just wish i hadnt spent all my life alone… for the entire time of my past relationship if you can call it that, i lived in constant fear of each day being my last cause he was an asshole whose idea of being roommates was a secret perverted lie, he told me he was gay and then he started ordering me around like i was his slave, then he had me dress slutty, then he had me dance for him and his drinking buddies. i cried myself to sleep almost every single night. i am just happy to have a future thats bright.”
Freya: “not to worry sis, we will make sure nothing ever happens to you again. now Rebekah go prepare the robe so she can wear it while we do her hair. and make sure the dress is not a pull on, i will finish with her.”
Freya helps you to relax a bit longer, by this point  1 hour had almost gone by, you were so relaxed and caught up in girl chat that you didnt realize what time it was. good thing it wouldnt take long to get you ready. 
Freya handed you a towel as she averted her eyes from you to allow you to wrap into the towel. it was an amzing thing you felt so relaxed. but you still had lots to prep before you could stand by and watch some of the festivities. 
of course with rebekah and Freya from the balcony that would be where you guys would sit drink champagne and listen to the music and deal with whatever comes your way. 
you and Freya walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, your mind begins to wander as you go behind the changing screen and put on your strapless bra and your lace panties. this would be your under garments for Kols viewing after everything. 
you come out in a undone robe and sexy lingerie, both Rebekah and Freya make oolalas and sexy eyes at you jokingly of course because they knew you never had any real friends or family before this so they just treated you like family right off the hop. 
Freya: “stylish.. kols gonna flip. now come sit in this chair sis, sideways so your feet are over the arm rest and your hair is easily accessable for rebekah… and try to relax again, just enjoy it enjoy your champagne and dainties. and dont worry your glass will just keep refilling itself. its enchanted!”
You did as instructed, you giggled with both of them, you felt good, you finally felt normal. 
{~*A/N we are almost done our epic tale, i think… we have but 3 more instances to get through. now we venture from freya, rebekah and YN being girls and happy to Kol Elijah and Klaus being men and making sure they forget to play nice entirely. Back to the story.*~}
meanwhile, while you and the ladies were have amazing conversation and excellent champagne. the guys however not so much, elijah was just sitting back while Kol and Klaus were well sparing but for them sparing was arguing in a form. 
Elijah: “niklaus dont hurt Kol he is the one getting hitched in a few hours.”
Klaus: “nah he will heal by then, just mind your own business elijah.”
Elijah: “fine Kol can i ask you some questions while you kick our brothers ass from here to kingdom come.”
Kol: “go for it elijah i will answer them best i can.”
Elijah: “do you want me to write your vows for you or are you just gonna tell me what to write for you?”
Kol: “ill talk you write…”
Elijah: “next question how do you like the ceremony layout?” 
Kol: “it was elegent and simple with the mikelson touch it is exactly how we wanted thank you brother.”
elijah watched as Kol now was charging head on for Klaus… this made elijah kind of flinch when the 2 of them collided. 
Elijah: “niklaus you need to behave for the sake of our family reputation be on your best behavior. in the name of our family do not ruin us niklaus. it will destroy this family. now if you boys will excuse me im gonna go check on the decorations i just got the text from the ladies that they are watching the festivities from the balcony. ill go and see our dear sisters in a moment after the decorations and the set up. i can not stress enough Niklaus do not mess this day up. or i will do something drestic..”
elijah leaves the scene already wearing his tux, looking sharp and spify he goes out to check on the decorations leaving the 2 guys truly alone.
Klaus: “are you sure you want to get married brother? to this human that you have not known long?”
Kol: “its love at first sight. i didnt compel her or anything i just knew. she was the one i wanted to spend my eternity happily with. now either come at me or ill make you regret it. and elijahs right ill even let him do the honors if you wreck my wedding. now go get ready nik… ceremony starts in a few hours and we have male portraits to take…”
Klaus doesnt say anything but instead scowls at his brother before smirking and walks out of the room and back to his so he can get ready. Kol heads back to his room, he gets ready and goes to stand close to the balcony so he can hear your sweet voice.
he then gets a text from you the conversaton though short and sweet went like this: 
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this made Kol smile he went on his way to the photos with a huge smile crossing his features. while you were sitting with the girls swooning over the chat. it wasnt vocal or face to face but you could hear his voice say every single word.
the girls were not shy to this heroic deed either. this was how you were beginnined your newest journey through life. this is how you are starting over. this is how your life was gonna be. you were getting married this very day!
you put on your dress and had just finished zipping it up when Elijah knocked on the door. you freya and rebekah turned towards the door to see elijah enter.
Elijah: “all 3 of you ladies look spectacular. but the bride looks absolutely radiant. everything decoration wise is in order, the food for the receptin is being prepared, the place settings are laid out as per your specifications and you are gonna love how dashing the groom looks. he is as radiant as you are sister in law. Freya its a pleasure to see you again, i trust it went well with the witches. rebekah stunning as always. niklaus is in a mood, be warned ladies both Kol and myself have threatned to take drastic action against him should he do anything to disrupt yours and Kols wedding. we will start in 10 minutes.”
You stand to approach elijah…
YN: “thank you for doing everything for this wedding to go off without any issues. elijah i am truly honored to call you brother. now you should go and please tell Kol that i love him.”
Elijah: “of course sister. ill see everyone down in a few moments. places.”
you suddenly were torn away from the sight of the door closing by the aroma of sour puss shots. you freya and rebekah went out onto the balcony overloooking the inside of the compound where you couldnt be seen to listen to the start of the ceremony.
Elijah: “if you will all take your seats we will begin the ceremony immediately.”
everyone sat down, elijah continued.
Elijah: “welcome ladies, gentlemen and honored guests. today it is my highest honor to officiate the wedding of my dear brother Kol and his lady YN. they found their happiness in eachother so today we join our hearts with their own as they join their lives forever. everyone please rise and turn for the approach of the bridal party.”
that was when you freya and rebekah took the shots. you were all smiling as rebekah went down first, then freya went down about 10 seconds after, then elijah spoke again.
Elijah: “now if you all will have your gaze continual fixed on the stairs its time to greet the bride, this is the first glance between the bride and the groom as well for they have not seen one another for 24 hours now. here comes the bride!”
you from behind the pillar and into everyone’s view, no one looked shocked except for Kol. his reaction was one you had asked the photographer specifically to catch. so you could hold it over his head for all eternity. 
Freya had waited at the bottom of the stairs so she could walk with you the rest of the way down the aisle. the second you locked eyes with Kol coming off the stairs both of you were smiling, neither of you could think straight. 
seeing kol standing there looking so handsome in his suit made your knees go weak cause in your eyes he was moi caliente.
kol kept his cool but he wanted to take you right then right there in the middle of the aisle because in his eyes you were sexy beyond compare.
reaching the end of the aisle freya placed your hands in Kols, you handed your  bouquet to rebekah and then nodded at Elijah to continue the ceremony.
Elijah: “My name is Elijah Mikelson it is my highest privilage and honor to preside over this ceremony that shall unite Kol and Yn. should anyone object to this union let them speak now or for eternity let them stay silent.”
no one spoke from the crowd. the surroundings were glimmering, but you and Kol were lost entirely in eachothers gaze.
Elijah: “very well, i understand from the couple that they have prepared their own vows. starting with Yn you may now recite your vows.”
you grip Kols hands in your own as you take a nice deep breath.
YN: “Kol, you changed my life. you spoke one word to me and that was it your accent had me hooked. i fell instantly for you. i stand here today to declare that from now and forever i shall be yours wholy and willingly. yours and yours alone. your the reason why i can have a normal life. your the reason why i can finally feel free from my old life. today i die to be resurrected into this new eternity of firsts with you! i love you Kol Always and Forever!”
Elijah smiled slightly as he spoke once more.
elijah: “Kol dear brother its your turn.”
Kol too took a breath.
Kol: “YN, my darling my light. i feel like ive known you forever. i love your laugh, your smile, your eyes the way they sparkle. i love everything about you. it takes alot of courage to propose marriage but it takes greater courage to say that you want to die and be resurrected into a life that your unfamiliar with for the rest of eternity to be with someone. many of us didnt have a choice, most of us became what we are by force not out of our own free will. Yn made the choice out of her own free will cause she came to New Orleans looking for a fresh start. the choice she made was to be with me and stand by my side for eternity. today i turn you to be like me and in doing so bring you into your new life as your husband above all else Always and Forever will i love you evermore!”
Elijah: “now if Rebekah will give Yn Kols wedding ring its time to exchange the rings.”
Rebekah hands you the ring as Elijah clears his throat to speak again.
Elijah: “say the declaration of love that you were given to speak during this part. this will be your affirmation to everyone here including yourself and Kol that you are ready to become what we are for all eternity. then Kol say the reply and place your ring directly after.”
You slowly start to slide the ring on Kols finger as you begin to speak.
YN: “I YN declare this day to now and forevermore forsake my mortality and exchange it for the thrills of marriage and immortality. Kol i vow to love, honor, cherish and be faithful to you forsaking my mortality and old life always and forever.”
Kol take the ring from Klaus as Elijah cleared his throat as Kol began to speak.
Kol: “i Kol accept your declaration and this day declare that those who dare try to harm or commit treason against my bride shall be executed at the hands of the Mikelsons. from this day and into eternity i Kol vow to love, to cherish, honor, be faithful and protect you forsaking all others for eternity and into forever. i love you Yn Always and Forever.” 
Elijah straighten up and smiled now ready to speak again.
Elijah: “by the power vested in me by the laws of New Orleans i by my highest honor pronounce you Husband and Wife. Kol you may kiss your bride!”
Kol’s hands leave your own to one arm hold you by the waist, the other with your free arm as well fist bumping the air as he Kisses you passionately. surely the photographer caught that absolutely beautiful moment.
you and Kol joined hands breaking the kiss and the crowd applauded louder and louder their applause was turned round by Klaus speaking.
Klaus: “3 cheers for the happy couple…”
the crowd roared at those words. but neither you nor kol cared you both were just happy that this day so far had gone off without a hitch. you were whisked away from the crowd for a few moments alone with your husband. you both went into one of the small rooms upstairs to be alone.
Kol: “finally i get you all to myself for a while.”
YN: “i guess you dont do large parties often.”
Kol: “not often, not since our mother passed. she was the one who threw the parties, i only went to please her. did that really just happen? did i just get married to the most gorgeous woman ive ever met?”
YN: “that depends if it was a dream dont you think we would have woken up by now?”
Kol just laughed as he stood and held his hand out to you.
Kol: “i want to show you something… this is something i had done up for the woman who i would eventually end up with.”
Kol goes to the desk and pulls out a box, the appearance of the box was petite and black with no logos or anything. he comes back to stand beside you he hands you the box.
Kol: “happy wedding day darling!”
you stare at the box for a few moments before opening it. this revealed the mikelson family crest on a bracelet… similar to Kols but more you!
YN: “Kol its beautiful dear thank you! now i have a gift for you but it was kinda hard to decide what to get you, so i had vincint enchant this item with a locator spell, so no matter what life brings us cause i know the family probably have enemies who will at some point or another possibly come after us and i cant loose you so here…”
you go to the corner by the bed and you pull out a small box. you handed it to Kol, you then watched him open it to reveal a set of dog tags. 
Kol: “its beautiful babe! now lets go comence the reception. and bring you into your new life.”
those words said and the 2 of you walked back to the top of the stairs awaiting the announcement. 
Elijah: "ladies and gentlemen may i present to you for the first time Kol and Yn Mikelson!”
you and Kol step out on the stairs, going down you both greet the guests. then you both greet the siblings.
Freya: “you both were absolutely graceful up there.”
Rebekah: “we have another sister, yes!!!!! we will do everything girly when your changed Yn we will show you the best time.”
Elijah: “i hope that you both will enjoy this new found life together. YN im honored to call you now my sister.”
Klaus: “well this party is successfully dull when do we eat.”
Elijah: “niklaus, dont be impatient you must wait for the cooks to be finished what they are doing.”
Klaus: “fine brother if you need me ill be at the bar drinking the stock.”
you and Kol decided to enjoy the cocktail hour with the siblings minus Klaus, then you decide to give elijah the signal once Dinner trays start being put on tables. 
Buffet style dinner, the first dance a tango of sorts something Kol had picked up it was so romantic, a few more photographs, then it was time for speeches, first rebekah, then klaus, then elijah and finally Kol (speaking for you and him).
Kol: “first of all, me and my beautiful bride wish to thank each and every one of you for being here tonight to celebrate with us. second i have a few more thank yous to give. first to my brother Elijah thank you brother for being here today and being ready to perform this ceremony. we are so grateful. second to my sisters Freya and Rebekah, thank you both of you for helping my beautiful bride and accepting this choice, and being here to share in this day. we love you both. third to my brother Nik, who fought back his urges to ruin what is the happiest day of my eternity, thank you for being here today brother i know we have alot of unresolved anger to work on but i know we will resolve it in due time. forth to Vincint whose enchantments helped me and my beautiful bride have wonderful gifts for eachother for this glorious occassion. thank you my friend, we look forward to many more dinners and drinks with you my dear friend. and finally to my bride, YN you changed my life, now with this goblet i change yours. inside it you wont taste anything off but when we toast you have to drink your entire goblet. thats why its only at half. now as you step out of this life and into your eternity with me i promise you wont feel a thing but you will be quarantined with me for a few days after before i take you on the proper honeymoon you deserve. toast to my family.”
everyone began to toast Kol and you turned to face eachother. clinking your goblets, you chug your entire glass then look up at your husband who kisses you but as he breaks the kiss he snaps your neck. you fall limp in his arms. 
Kol then carries you bridal style into your now shared bedroom, knowing he had to stay by your side till you awaken, he had prepared everything, he had bloodbags, he had a change of clothes, he had thought of everything he could possibly think of.
 Kol took off his shoes, your shoes and his coat before he lay beside you knowing that in a few hours yiu would wake. he hoped that you would not spiral if he was the first person you saw coming out of stasis.
Kol (to your still form): “i pray you will see the good out of this after you wake. i love you and ill be right here when you wake up.”
kol faced you and shut his eyes reminiscing on the events that took place that very day. Several hours later he could hear the pulsingnblood through your body awakening, he could feel your fingers beginning to move, intently he watched your form. A few moments later you woke up.
the light hurt to look at, the way your gums hurt, everything all at once made you sit straight up. Kol was in front of you in moments. 
Kol: “hey love, hey its okay. your gonna be okay. what do you remember?”
YN: “i remember our wedding, the reception, the stolen moment after photos, the dance, the toast, the goblet. drinking it and now waking up here with you. did it work? am i?”
Kol: “here drink this do what i do ill drink some with you. but you need this so your gums stop hurting and so your aversion to sunlight subsides. if you do what i do and just keep your gaze on me you will be fine and the transition will be complete.”
Kol hands you a blood bag from the pile he has just put on the bed and he sits in front of you. he takes the tube and uses it like a straw you do the same thing, the pain subsiding as soon as the blood touched your lips.
you went through 10 blood bags before Kol finally got up and put the pile in the garbage.
Kol: “how do you feel now love?”
YN: “no more pain, i feel fantastic. hows the family?”
Kol: “why dont you ask them yourself.”
at that moment the door to your room is opened to reveal Freya, rebekah and Elijah. Freya and Rebekah approach you first pulling you into a 3 way girl hug. this was the one embrace you had been looking forward to.
then you stood as Elijah approached.
Elijah: “how do you feel sister?”
YN: “i feel good, actually Kol said i am doing better than expected. but still wants to keep me here.”
Elijah: “fair enough but from what im seeing you are progressing beautifully. dont stress too much about your progress. niklaus regrets he couldnt be here but he had business to attend to in the south quarter. some witches wanted to speak with him.”
you looked at Kol who nodded to rebekah and freya.
Freya: “come with us sister we are gonna let you see your closet. we are also gonna help you move it into this room but we want you to see it first.”
you go with them, elijah and Kol follow... 
-you discover your new wardrobe.
-Kol and Elijah as well as your sisters now help you to transfer your new wardrobe into your room.
-Klaus returns to the compound with a young girl who he had had an affair with back in Mystic Falls a while ago but just found out is pregnant somehow with his child. 
- you learn how to speed safely, you learn how to use compulsion, you leanr how to use your strength without killing anyone with a hug or a hand shake as well as how to control your blood lust. 
you are standing in yours and Kols room on the balcony in one of the silk sheets you both had recieved as a wedding present after a shower. Kol comes up behind you wraping his arms around your waist from behind.
Kol: “what are you doing out here in that sheet?”
YN: “just admiring this beautfiul city. listening to the calm. seeing the bstle of the night life coming together.”
Kol: “how bout you come to bed so we can properly consumnate our marriage?”
You follow Kol to bed and that was that. you both in a frenzy concummated the marriage and smiled lots.
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macklives · 5 years
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session 63 end
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okayyy. neat-fucking-o. thats done and boy OH FUCKING BOY i have a lot to say. and this is going to get mildly serious. sorry. theres a lot to uncover this session which basically is just one huge overall plot point. the whole timeline shindig. the thing that has messed me up for a few hours ngl.
man.... this is gonna be a long one. im not even exaggerating. (still, a tldr at the end)
so, the main thing besides from the time shindig plot, which is both important and essential and precious: DAVESPRITE <3 
k cool. ill expand on that throughout this whole note, but would rather like to make a whole analogy first before i do so.
so, to start off from last session, dave went back in time to fix jade and john’s death.
but i guess, from what ive read, GC never realized what she did was bad. she basically screwed everyone over and dave had to go back to fix things, which yes, does sound bad. but honestly? i dont think she really realized how bad it was until davesprite had the talk with her. and now they are both friends i take it, shocking development. but thats between davesprite, rather than dave himself so there may be two different views on how he sees GC. anyways, it was pretty bad. i wont just forget that. i love her character but she killed off two characters (who thankfully are now alive), making dave a sprite and future rose to just not exist anymore. or... well.... she does, but she seemed to have fused with PRESENT rose. which i guess we’ll figure out how that works the next time we see her. which will probably be on derse. 
but, tbh, GC wanted to apologize and felt bad about the whole situation. so im giving her the benefit of the doubt here.
now.. man...
can i take a second to analyze davesprite? and a little bit about the concept of john/dave’s friendship (just a tad)? ie the two greatest things in the world? thanks.
i think the thing that hit me the hardest was how davesprite (im calling him that to distinguish which dave im talking about but keep in mind i should be calling them both dave. but this makes it easier to write up.) well, davesprite explained how he’d continue to reset the timeline until john and jade are alive. which basically means he would use himself as a sacrifice to allow their survival. which ALSO means he cares more for them than he does himself. he’d throw his life away for them. he knew there was a possibility of him ceasing to exist if they reset the timeline again. he literally said it in such a nonchalant way that it makes me wonder how much his friends really mean to him. which in retrospect, is a lot. now pls keep this in mind for the next part.
now, dave also has so much appreciation towards himself. but not in the cocky way, of course. rather in the way that shows self love?? kinda?? like he genuinely wanted to hang with davesprite, brainstorm his comic and vice versa bc they both think their alt version is that cool. i know it should sound kinda narcissistic, but listen. a lot of people dont often appreciate themselves for who they are. and what i really want to emphasize on that here, is that this comes back to the whole putting himself before others thing. because that specific line i mentioned before is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. since dave thinks so highly of himself as a cool guy, rad dude, arent we so awesome type kid that he LITERALLY didnt care for his life in that one hot second. he made sure he was a pawn used to help out his friends rather than an actual human being who should worry about his life as well. he didnt care if he survived or not in the process of making sure everything was going alright. which is such a fucking leap from this whole self-respecting thing. its as if that didnt matter anymore. and that takes a fucking beating. that shows how much dave truly loves his friends. do you know how fucking BIG THAT WHOLE DEAL IS?
take john for example. dave didnt give two shits who the person on the other line was. he found out GC was the troll who killed john and basically threatened her with every inch of his life to make her back away from him. he knew what it would cause and said “fuck you” in bright and bold. all because he didnt want to see his friend die again. which? fair enough. and if we look back at the last session, god that could mess someone up. especially someone as young as 13. rose even got the worst end of the stick bc she flat out ceased to exist. but then again, thats in the same boat as jade/john. bc they all technically died. yet davesprite didnt. he remembers it. davesprite isnt just going to forget. he’s going to have surviver’s guilt for a long time, because being dave’s guide will forever be a reminder that he’s the version in the doomed timeline. he’s the only one who knows what happened, and he wont become the “true dave” in a sense that he’s now just considered “davesprite” and nothing more, since he cant just be dave since his timeline ended up fucked. not to mention he technically said he was fine with it, bc since it meant the others survived, he wouldnt care what happened to his life. even tho he should and it still probably hurts him idk. and that kills me a little. actually, more than a little. this is personally the most gut wrenching scene in homestuck (but i may just be speculating too much). but that wont stop him from helping dave and giving him all the answer, and also protecting john with everything he has.
and, man, i feel as if he’s gonna be such a good guide for dave. he already gave him the loot, the rundown and is very open about questions dave already has because he knows how tough it probably is to have a shitty guide. considering he was stuck with calsprite for 4 months. so obviously he’s going to help as much as possible. since he probably had little to none and didnt learn as much as he should have through the course of sburb. but now, as a guide, he can easily access all the info he lost during the pathway of his timeline. and share it with dave so he doesn’t struggle and actually completes the game rather than end up in a doomed timeline like himself.
but yes. dave’s blatant adoration for john basically saved them both in a way. and it seems as if its a little mutual considering john told dave he’d always believe him no matter what in the end. how he reconsidered everything, remembered the note and realized how good their friendship is to just give it up like that. and then vice versa. dave couldnt continue on the game without him or jade, so he went back in time. and showed his pissed-off protective side in order to save john again. which warms my heart bc they both mean so much to each other. and both got each other super sentimental gifts and wrote each other such touching cards.
and thats a good way to end the session, i think.
so there we have it. ive never wanted to hug a character so bad than i do with davesprite. i just hope everyone at least acknowledges him in some way, and gives him some amount of respect for what he did for everybody. ive only met him for like 10 pages, but i think he’s the most emotional character so far. and i guess since he’s dave himself, and i feel for dave based on his situation with bro, its safe to say i would protect him with my life. which i dont want to be *that* person but hey, its true. its just that he’s been through so much bullshit, and davesprite is the only survivor of his timeline, always will be reminded of it whenever he sees dave/john/rose/jade playing the game, is now a fucking sprite who wont be able to live his own path but just be a guide and god, i feel for him. i really do.
i shouldnt have written such a long note about davesprite.. but his whole story as to how he became a thing really got to me, alright?
i should write a tldr, cool. here yall go; i actually love davesprite, he’s been through some shit and he deserves hells of respect. GC is forgiven and we’ll find out next time how both version of rose.. fused together? 
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starlight-starwings · 4 years
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The Adventure Zone Season 2 quotes.
Unfortunately the quotes I saved between seasons 1 and 2 were lost because I got a new phone, so this is starting with episode 6 of Amnesty. If anyone has good quotes from the first arc, experimental arcs, ans the live shows during the experimental arcs, feel free to add or send them.
• - listen... ok, we could... agdgsbjsbuhah. how they eat and breathe... its just a show, just relax
- technically the .. waste water systems and the regular water systems of a city or not connected, and so like theres a lot of.. a lot of ways to figure it out. But yea, maybe you get the idea that this thing doesn't.. it can.. it.. is weird man...
• hey there adventure zone lovers. I dont know if that means you love adventure zone, or you... heh heh heh, ya know.
• - can you feel it?
- the idea of feeling is kinda weird-
- close your eyes and tell me if Im doing it
- well you already did- ok.
- close your eyes. Did I do it?
- you did it
- aaahh, I didnt
- ok. This is not a fun game for me
• - its our first day here!
- yeaa. Like... Let me ask you about the fucking... cast of Friends
- youre talking about Matt Leblanc and Matthew-
- Ah fuck.
- ah shit
- damn
- son of a b- he's good, he's real good
• - Don't I have to roll?
- we have not played dungeons and dragons in so fucking long!
- Here
- what are you rolling to do?!
• - tell me, is patience one of your more valued v-
- yes!
• Hey. No ideas bad. It just wasn't good.
• - I got eleven? You got any cash on you?
- uhh yea I happen to have nine bucks right here. Griffin cant prove otherwise.
• listen Pidgeon, here's the thing: I... love... to... practice fishing. But... the running water... frightens me. Its called hydrophobia. And I would love to practice my cast in a real water environment, where I can get in a large body of water, where I can guarantee that running water wont be a factor. And I would just love to practice my casting in a guaranteed still body. But here's the other thing! Sometimes if you do it in a lake, thats what youre thinking, a fish will bite it. And normally thats ideal but Im just trying to practice casting. If like.. when you dont want to catch em. Thats when they're biting. Ya know what I mean? I need a still body of water, that I can guarentee won't move, to practice my fishing casting.
• - Noooo
- are you sure?
- yeaaaaa
- Beause its our podcast!
- noooo
- we're actually doing our own podcast
• - Make uhhh.... check. You're gonna need to make a check for this one
- I got the gum. But I have the gum
- It's good gum; you'll have advantage on it.
• Cause I mean a 4 legged octopus is a horse.
• - What does control water do?
- Merle can- well gee wiz. It makes spaghetti! What do you think control water does?
- whats the fucking card say?
• Good you know my sister Jane was doing missionary work in Honduras and normally I would spend the uh, holidays with her. But uhh I had some friends come in from uhh out of town. And uhh... I wanted to communicare this to anybody who might be listening somehow, and I thought this might be a more organic way of uh, doing it.
• um... nah so ok right... so... the pizza hut sign... started to fall, cause of the weather. And he ran up there on a... fire escape, and tried to... push it? With a bat? Dammit. Nah. He just pushed it. And it fell. But then he fell. Cause he got shocked. I bet. Mmmm. I didn't see. I was in- Ah shit. Alright. Hey folk- hey guys. Rewind. I- hey guys rewind a second. Aahh fuck. I was inside I didn't see. Anything. I don't know. This man. I do know this man. His name- fuck. Alright. I'm met.. high net... here... Mmmm, alright. So, This man's is name is Ned. And he's uh.. friend of mine. And I dont know what the hell happened to him. But you know this guy. He's always getting into something. I don't know. I was in the building. I almost got killed by a pizza hut sign. I might be in shock.
• Write the fucking story with me! We are New York Times bestselling authors!
• - Ok. Go ahead. Uhh where are your wings? Obviously you can't see them right now because I'm wearing my disguise. Would you like to see my wings?
- Yes.
- I don't know you very well, so no, not- not quite yet.
• Aw Juno this is so embarrassing. Um last week, uhh, my truck got beat up, and I... I had to take it over to Whistle's. And he wa- while he was fixing it up I had to borrow yours to run out uh... to- to do a check on... a body of water. In... the... tree... zone... forest. Fuck. It was a body of water in the tree zone. And I had to check on it in your car. And when I- I drove your car, without asking, and... I think I left my... pants? No. Wallet? Money. I left my wallet in your truck and I was wondering if you could go look for it real quick.
• - a goat..
-well. No its.. i mean you look at the legs you can kinda see... yea...
- its pan!
- no were not crossing over
- there no crossover here sir. No.
• - oh thats easy. All you have to do is press that red button right there.
- and what will that do?
- itll give you the key sphere
- well hold on....
- merle casts zone of truth!
- so what happens when I press that button?
- the red button? Itll give you the key sphere
- what will the blue button do?
- it'll kill ya
- what would the other frankenstein tell us?
- well my companion over there always lies. He'll tell ya to hit the blue button.
- oh okay. Its kinda one of those- ya know what Im gonna check his flavor real quick
- ok.
- I flip the lever
- No that'll kill me!
- the other Frankenstein sits up and says oh hey! Im Frankenstein. A lot of people say Im Frankenstein's monster but-
- yea yea yea. Ok we get it. Uh is this Frankenstein in the zone as well?
- uh yea.
- These buttons over here what will the red one do?
- oh the red one? Its the key sphere one. I would've told you its the blue one.
- ok I slam-
- No listen. Listen. No listen. Listen listen listen. Hey. Stop wait! Im the liar Frankenstein.
- I hit the red button.
• - Merle casts shield of faith
- ok. On whom?
-um.. it surrounds a creature of my choice
- yeap. So..
- time to make that choice
- that is kinda the question I asked
• - are you a grief counselor?
- yea you a grief counselor?
- I do have some counseling experience, um, but right now think of me more as your friend.
- I could really use a grief counselor I think more than a friend at the moment. I got-
- ok then Im a grief counselor, yes.
• - and Im gonna roll 2 d6... god almighty... hatchy matchy...
- howd you do, Justin?
- Well I got a 4 on that one, Trav. Which is, what we call in the biz, we call that bad. That is less than ideal.
• A charisma check. Okay. Hahahaha! That's a threeee.
• I know how you young people talk: It was rad.
• hey! Hey man fucking bigfoots behind you dude, drive! Jesus Christ! Hey Ive been skitching this whole time brother, Im really sorry but you gotta fucking drive right now dude, come on! Im vulnerable as hell! Come on! Dont make me fight bigfoot, I want thinking through this shit, go! Im not gonna fucking fight bigfoot.
• No, you know what- I'm gon- ya know what? It's fine. Ya know what? Its fine. Its fine. Im gonna- it- thisll be fine. Thisll actually be fine. Uhhh Im gonna cast lightning bolt on the tank. I thought about it, thisll be fine.
• - dont worry, the rest of us will take care of this. I think the best plan is if the three of you go up the spire to face the final confrontation alone
- why is that the best plan??
- cause theres exactly enough people outside- robots outside, that we'll need all of the army...
- but then why dont we wait and help you kill all of the robots?
- we'll kill them and then we'll all go up together
- theres no time!
- what are you talking about were just fighting a bat- theres plenty of time
- we got a whole other act!
- huurrryy
- okay we'll hurry, yes fine, yes.
- good luck
- well now dont say that! You said to go on ahead!
- I'll remember you
- this passive aggressive stuff...
- youre sending mixed signals. Should we stay and-
- the doors that ive just invented shut behind you.
• Okay uh, Hollis. Let me ask you something: Okay, on the other side of this portal- im gonna lay it out for you. Alright. Are you ready? One hundred percent honesty. On the other side of this portal is another world. Just like, the same scope and size of ours, with a population of people, and... just like us. People just like us. Right? And... think about this. In... lets say West Virginia alone, not even the whole world, the whole earth, west Virginia alone, right. How many people do you think there is, a per capita ratio, thats murderers to just regular people? Right? So what if somebody said "there are murderers in west Virginia, so we're gonna march into west Virginia and kill everyone there, cause they might be murderers." Right so what if the only thing you knew about west Virginia is that some murderers came from here? And you said "so let's just go in and wipe everone out"? You would come in and wipe out the whole state, and murder innocent people, just in case they might be murderers. What does that make you, Hollis?
• - Aubrey what... what are you?
- Oh I'm bisexual.
- Do all of bisexuals have this power?
- Yes.
• - uh lets jump right in
- im in. Already. I actually got in before you did. Just to make sure the water was okay.
- oh how is it? Hows the scene doing?
- the scene is good. Im already in it, but because the narrator has not joined us we are locked in... stasis. We are characters in search of an author as it were, in the pernella play.
- so theyve been there for 2 weeks? Or whats up?
- theyve been there for 2 weeks. Locked in perfect stasis, until time itself should turn its gaze upon us and let us resume our merry roles in this play called existence.
• - did you get the part where we're gonna find the quail and just crush its heart or whatever?
- its uh- its- it- its quell
- yea thats what I said, quail
- you said quail like a big ol bird
- wait what are you saying?
- yea quail
- no quell
- quell?
- quell
- quail?
- quell
- kwäil?
- listen- listen kwaiell
- quail!
- you said quail. Its quell
- the mothman uh, grabs your wrist duck and looks at the watch on it and says 'boy howdy I sure hope that those arent several minutes that we will need to uh prevent the apocalypse. Because they are gone now.
• - Ju- Ju- wait a minute. Juno? Juno Devine?
- yes shes-
- Juno Devine is- shes in the forest service? (Switches to character voice) Ahh-ha! Well that makes a lot of sense! She- she loved the forest. That- ahh...
- that is... did you just do a player to character cross-fade?
- that was so fucking wild Ive never seen anything like that on this podcast
- that melted my brain
- it was like Clint started the sentence, and then Thacker ended the sentence
• I can roleplay a gay elf with magical powers. I dont think I could roleplay someone who likes beef jerky
• We've all been trying to help people right? And sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes people get hurt, sometimes you can't- sometimes you act and you do things, and you're wrong. And if you let the fact that you fucked up stop you from trying to help again, thats... thats the real mistake. Ive fucked up so many times. You cant be afraid to help. Because yea, you might hurt. But you also might help. You just have to keep helping. Dont be afraid. Im not.
• - query: are the extraterrestrial invaders engaging in deception? 89.84% affirm
- now listen. You all don't know Duck like I do. Believe me, he can not engage in deception to save his life.
- he's also an employee of the federal government!
- it skyrockets up to 98.64%
• It makes sense right? Great power; great responsibility. But you know what people forget? Is that the green goblin dosen't swing up to your door everyday and blow your whole life away and in one moment you have to figure out what to do, ya know? The responsibility is every day. Its every moment, and it's- every time I pick one of those saplings up and I put it in the ground, and pat the ground around it, and I pour water on it, and I think about our childrens childrens childrens children will breathe the air that this thing makes, and Minerva, thats power. Thats my responsibility. I dont have to fight no more. I did it. And now Im gonna grow.
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goddamnmuses-a · 4 years
Text
Dan Watches: Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
Alright so I did this for Episode I which you can find here and then Episode II which you can find here and then Episode III which you can find here. So here’s my weird live reaction/note taking/whatever this is.. to Episode lV.
I remember this being my favourite of the original trilogy because it sets everything up and basically kick started everything but lets see if that changes when i’ve finally got through all of these. 
Also I’m just watching whatever version i can find online because I can’t be bothered to go and find my dvd of it so yeah.. whether we get weird updated version or original effects or whatever, who knows. 
All the old effects like how C3p0 looks and r2d2 are impressive. 
There wasn’t really anything in the opening crawl i felt like commenting on, no big THEY DID THAT IN THE OPENING? but i guess it’s the first one that came out so that makes sense. 
WTF did the stormtroopers use to get that door open, that was so explosive wtf.
Also the blasters are like set to 10000 and smoke is everywhere. 
How did nobody shoot the dorids?
Yooo little Ani nice suit my dude. 
Hold on, she sent a msg with r2 to go to Obiwan which for 1 howd she know he’s alive? I’m gonna presume her dad said or something and 2.. ..why not just.. go yourself? 
So when they’re set to stun a Stormtrooper can shoot someone no problem
Also we dont get enough stun weird circle blaster shots
Ohhhh she didnt go because the scan for lifeforms thing alright ill allow it
but my dude.. even so.. maybe just shoot it just in case? like.. droids exist and people know about them?
DARTH VADERS LITTLE HANDS ON HIPS! Omfg he’s like “God damn, this bitch again.”
This Vader is a sassy boy. 
I love this guy who works with Vader and doesnt mind chatting back to him. 
Loving the droids in the desert. 
R2 does not look like it would work in a desert. 
C3 like “He tricked me into going this way” stop being a lil bich. 
WOOTINI!
The crawler thingy is badass. 
I thought that was a magnet it was just a big sucky pipe. 
GONK
Oh yep theres the new effects. 
Droids sleep? I guess power saver mode. 
Wtf is that dome droid
Luke! Luuuuuke! Iconic 2 words there. Well reused for that episode of Rebels where Obiwan watches from a distance. 
Bocce.. what a classic language. 
OMG OWEN JUST LET HIM GO INTO TOSHE STATION TO PICK UP SOME POWER CONVERTERS JEEEEZ 
How is that “wasting time with friends” and not chores, going into town to get something sounds like a chore to me. 
Why did they get an atromech anyway? Like.. what’d they need the other droid for? 
C3 is a real bro lbh, if it wasn’t for him, R2 would be with the jawa still. 
Oooh oil bath. sexy. 
I wonder if people ship R2 and C3 because tbh it makes sense to me. 
Luke got an erection at the mention of the rebellion. 
Now it’s getting harder at that random blurry image of his sister. 
R2 is a cheeky lil shit. 
This is just some good home life shit. 
Dat soundtrack. 
You know what.. it’s a really nice home. 
Is it just me or is Owen dressed kinda Jedi-y. 
So is “Sand People” like the racist way to say “Tusken Raider”?
Obiwan, thats a ridiculous fucking noise. 
“Hello There” iconic. 
You know what the Prequels do add a lot to this. 
A young Jedi named Darth Vader.. im sorry.. thats just not a name. 
For someone who wants to get off the planet, Lukes like “Naa but i gotta get home”
Obiwan also just being like “You know what, fuck it here.. lets go.”
You know what as much of a bitch as that guy who gets force choked is, he’s a good actor. 
Also Tarkin yay. 
NOOOOO OWEN AND BERU! YOU BASTARDS!
I feel like he should have dropped to his knees or something there. 
That is a scary droid. 
Cool door close. 
Thats a weird ass CG droid with a hole in. 
None of the other storm troopers gonna wonder why Dave’s being weird? 
Wahey! Figrin Dan and the Model Nodes! Love that Jizz music. 
Who just ugs on the back of a bartenders shirt? Wtf Luke
Yo he didnt even pay for his drink, free drinks?
Who gets the death sentance in 12 systems and goes around bragging? 
The first arm cut off and theres all sortsw of blood which there shouldnt be because lightsabers cauterize the wound, tut tut. 
Gooood scene with Han and Obi, honestly i keep forgetting to comment because im just watching xD
Wahey! Greedo 
If we’re doing a han shot first thing.. Greedo shot first in this version and missed and then Han shot him but tbh i prefer the Han shot first.. makes him more interesting. 
Jabba looks smaller. 
Casual Boba Fett appearance. 
Yooo Poncho. My boy Cal approves. 
Fuck those weird long nose aliens. 
The Falcon looks so good. 
Get those poor guys by the Death Star laser a damn rail. 
We just cool with igniting the lightsaber in front of Han and Chewie? Chewie at least knows wtf it is.
Chewie is a badass. 
Let the Wookie win. 
WTF that isnt the lightspeed effect.. it’s like a weird blanket tunnel 
The fact they get onto the Death Star with no issue is kind of ridiculous. 
The motion of Darth Vader is kinda just.. not fitting right. 
Han just pat Chewie like hes a dog. Rude. 
Han just gets caught up in this without a choice rly. 
He just wants those sweet credits. 
Also Set Design on Star Wars is amazing. 
Leia just lounging all sexy like 
Also does she have a stain on her tit? .. Not that im looking >.>
The Jedi being called a religion is kinda weird but i guess accurate. 
This has to be the worst star to a friendship for all three of them. Chewie seems cool though. 
I also thought the trash compactor scene was earlier on in this movie than it is. 
Who the fucks voice was it that said “Thats your imagination” ? 
How the fuck are they standing if the water is that deep?
I liek the touch of the monster whos name im sure i learnt but forgot let go as if it knew the trash compactor was about to turn on, that implies it has a safe spot down there that it stays. 
Some of the voices sound off on this but ah well 
Hans already a little Handsy with Leia but i think Harrison Ford was sleeping with Carie at the time so like.. i get it. 
Obiwan just strolling about, as you do. 
I love just these giant pits with walkways with no rails. If I worked on the Death Star it’d be a nightmare for me to get around. 
“NO WAIT THEY’LL HEAR!” ...and they’re not gonna hear you shouting?
Stormtroopers just shooting the shit is the best. 
You know what with everyone being like “Wow that ships a shitheap.” I can understand why the prequels made their ships look nicer and newer. 
I love that shooting a door panel in star wars just makes it so the doors wont open at all, thats some good shit. 
Lukes as bad of a shot as a Stormtrooper. 
First little kissy incesty moment but hey it was on the cheek, universally thats fine but im sure at the time this was him setting up that Luke and Leia were gonna end up together, before he decided they were siblings. 
Vader just standing there, lightsaber already out like “Ahhh Mr.Kenobi I’ve been expecting you”
As lack luster as the chroeography is in this fight im kinda thinking of it as like, they’re reading each other, like Obiwan and Maul’s final fight. 
I don’t really know why Obiwan just chooses to die like that but heyo. 
Vader stomping on Obiwans clothes? Why? I guess because he gave himself to the force and thats the first time he’s seen that? 
I love the gunner seats moving around, idk why i just love it. 
Whats the point of the ear peices if they’re just gonna shout at each other. 
Not mentioned it until now but everyone says Leia wrong. 
They’re really harsh to Han tbf
This is like if you got an Uber to a place and then the Uber driver got pulled into a police station because you’re a terrorist and then you have a go at the Uber driver for wanting to leave after he’s got you out of there. 
Another kiss for Luke.. .. okay
I like how Biggs earlier scenes are deleted so when he shows up it’s just this random dude who somehow knows Luke
That air traffic control guy has no idea what hes doing, nobody is even in the air yet or moving, wait. 
Man X wings are cool, makes me think of Battlefronts VR mission thing where you get to pilot one and it’s the coolest VR thing ive done. 
For a space station the size of a moon you’d think they’d have enough fighters to just wipe out the rebels no biggy. 
ALSO if they know the rebel base is on that planet, why not just blow that planet up? 
YAY WEDGE
The targetting computer seems very invasive. 
Those turrets are useless. 
I would have rated it if they let that random dude blow up the Death Star.
Tarkins thinking face is beautiful. What a man, 
If Luke missed this shot, everyone knows he’s turned his targetting computer off, so they would be PISSED
RIP R2. 
HWHAT!? 
Woooo Mr.Solo. 
Well.. Well done Luke you killed a lot of people, some just trying to do a job and live their lives. 
Han, Leia and Luke all went off together all holding each other.. like.. Threesome? 
I’m sorry but after that, someones doing some fucking. 
Leia just giving her lovers, dont @ me, a medal. Thats why Chewie doesnt get one, he wasnt there for the orgy. 
R2 looking fresh. 
You know what, that is a good complete story that actually works on its own, i appreaciate that. 10/10. :P
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homestucky · 5 years
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Davekat fic recs?
hrrmm wow i will have to think. ill probs just check my bookmarks which means i probably wont be able to think of many one chapter fics off the top of my head since i dont tend to bookmark them. also some that havent been updated in yrs i wont put here bcaus thats just frustrating unless theyre rlly notable and may come back i may not link them
also disclaimer that while im not super into smut so its unlikely im gonna recommend just porn fics, some may have some sexy times incidentally i suppose. also a lot of them are dave centric/dave POV bcaus hes my BOY
M.C. Escher that’s my favourite MC by Unda (COMPLETE)  is a wild ride and long but i recommend for sure, very well written n thought out. also check out the other fics in the series bcaus if i recall correctly there are some other shorter fics that unda wrote to give some background or develop characters. but theyre also really great even stand-alone! its finished now and i followed it the whole time :0. cw for child abuse and death 
Within, Without by reinkist (COMPLETE)  i actually read a long time ago so i dont remember it so well. i do remember thinking it was pretty great tho, so i do recommend it. i should probably go back for a reread some time. its just a really good meteor fic that explores everything you’d want it to, and does that well, u kno? its like the fic that u wanted to exist but couldnt find. but here it is!
Doc Scratch’s School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents by medical  (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED)is great, its like a multichapter magic/superhero au thing. its fun and characters in it are rlly well developed, like, i do enjoy a davekat fic which has a good and significant rose characterisation in there too. but theres some serious plot goin in in here too…. very exciting. 
To Be Taken Care Of by shitstuck  (COMPLETE)is good, its god some deep convos about troll v human culture and stuff, some rosemary too. bit of body horror but if i can handle it its not too bad. i just reread it lol. the epilogue changes the tone of things a bit n id be interested to know other peoples thoughts on that ;_;
Don’t Forget the Sun by Weevilo707 is rlly good but sadly NOT COMPLETE AND HASNT BEEN UPDATED IN AGES :@!! hope the authors doin ok  (EDIT: APPARENTLY the author is not planning on updating this one again, but i still think its a good read :^) )
Book Covers by turntechGeneticist717  (COMPLETE) is rlly great also!! big recommend. dave is lookin after a babby dirk as his big brother in college. i havent read it in a while but i remember when it was updating being like !!!!!!!!!!!Aaa!! also there are others in the series so take a look :)
The Truth is in the Eyes by AcrylicMist  (COMPLETE)is like a rlly mythological/fantasy interpretation of canon post game which is very cool????? like the world is sort of medieval or something but w the gods n magicky stuff. rlly interesting. , very dope again havent read it in a while and am running out of steam for ranting about fics but!! yea its sweet w an intriguing plot
The Eurydice Suite by callmearcturus  (COMPLETE) !!!!!!!!!!! i love this fic so much like its bonkers n i just. its like an inception sort of inspired au and i have NEVER watched inception but im just super into the concept. its just. a rlly amazing well written fic w perfect pacing and characterisation like the plot is like a beautiful spider web where time flicks back and forth yet makes perfect sense. theres such a sense of atmosphere. ive reread it so many times. also!!1111111 i love the dave in it, and i love the strilondes family relationsy stuff!! i also feel like it ties everything up rlly nicely despite having like all the main characters in it p much. hell yeaaaa. its my fav by this author whos an AMAZING writer like they just DROP U IN to the world with so much confidence and drop context and background in at a perfect pace so ur never confused but always intrigued. but often i find the atmosphere in their fics almost TOO intense u know?? like i feel like i wake up in a ditch after reading one like wh,,h who am i?? i hate using this word but the writing is weirdly like… “sensual” which i think means the writing is great, rlly strong atmosphere but im not  always 100% able to handle it. this one does not make me feel so dazed and its just.. yess
The Lucky Ones by daniomalley (COMPLETE) is another one i followed as it came out. a cool spacey au. sorry i cant think of anything else to say aaaa
Off Court by levvan (ON HIATUS?) is great tho strong themes of abuse from the start. not that none of the above have that if i havent said so uhhhh yea be wary of the tags i guess. but yes. 
three rounds and a sound by skitpost (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) is rlly great, like a magic school au. very excited to see whats gonna happen next :0
We’re All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We’re Sick Of Your Shit) byLandOfMistAndSecrets (COMPLETE) is TECHNICALLY a dirkjake fic but it has very cute little pastiches of other characters and the DK ones are very cute and well characterised
An Alien and a DJ Walk into a Bar (and Accidentally Start a Relationship) by Kadaaver (APPEARS TO BE ON HIATUS) i was p into when it was still updating. theres not actually MUCH relationship stuff yet if i recall correctly but still. good. and i enjoy the characterisation of dave being p socially anxious.
turntechGodhead is offline by forestknifefight (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) well relatively recently. i like this one a lot! theres some good beta kid friendship and some good karkat.
Astronomy in Reverse by PunkZucchini, sicklekind (ON HIATUS>??????) cute + features BIGKAT is i recall correctly
Bring You Down by acedavestrider (COMPLETE) idk what to say about this but thats not a criticism. its just a legit cute fic that is good for the heart. human au, earth n whatever. karkat is a student nurse!! yeaa! thats kind of incidental but i like it
Survival of the Richest by ireallyloveicecream (HIATUS???) theres not a lot of it but im so intrigued. some kind of a fae/magic fairy folk kinda thing
Californian Son by LivTC (COMPLETE BUT THERES MORE IN THE SERIES WHICH I HOPE WILL CONTINUE TO BE UPDATED ETC ETC) !! ok this one is kind of sexy n angsty and daves a REAL DICK in it but it rlly well written and i rlly wanna know more jijhihihu
First Contact by yesfir (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) !! its au but like idk scifi, humans having to make a deal with/coexist with trolls. space colonies!! this one is great… good character development and plot… does that great thing of pacing the revelations of the plot rlly gradually so ur like ! somethings happening here and i must know more!!!
Feathered by AlloftheFandom  (UNFINISHED, RECENTLY UPDATED) this ones exciting :3 karkat has only just been introduced to it. its like a magicky world w a bit of mild body horror so far. some good strilondes also… has anyone noticed that i need strilonde family relations in a fic i love….
Soulmates by egossweetheart  (UNFINISHED (fairly..?) RECENTLY UPDATED) this is a souleater au which i dont know a lot about??? but its cool, i am suitably intrigued. bit of body horror. idk as always check the tags. idek why im bothering to specify that. anyways,
 Vladimir and Estragon Cope with Their Trauma by Volo (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) afterlife au. so yea TW death. im into it tho
The Importance of Being Karkat by choicescarfsylveon (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) karkat has a radioshow, dave is kind of a dick. some parts of that change. i wont spoil which. theres something deeper goin on too…….. mysterios….
anyways here are some fics that i think are cool. sorry it took ages i just wanted to give it a good effort ukno?? its not an exhaustive list but its what i found. thanks to all these authors and hey, while we’re at it, all fanfic authors!! good work and i hope u all know how appreciated it is. anyways i have a headache so i guess ill finish this up. peace!
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