#eye candy 1 and 2 hunting ghosts and shit

[bigspoonlttlespoon]

tis true… i did start watching supernatural in the year 2023😶

[silvysartfulness]

Top 5 xue yang moments

Okay, so, this will be long. I could infodump Xue Yang metas and headcanons for hours. Brace.

1: His expressions in the Unclean Realm from Episode 10.

He looks entirely unafraid being dragged to his death, just shifting seamlessly between bored, amused and unabashedly curious. Most famously outside the gates, but also doing background faces while the others argue inside with Nie Mingjue, and still analyzing and sniggering when the captain derides Meng Yao.

You can just see the wheels turning in his head - ”I can use this”. Which is amusing, considering how earlier in the same episode, Meng Yao gives him that exact same look. ”I can use this.”

The beginning of a beautiful mutual exploitation of each other. They might even call it friendship. ♥

2: The whole scene that night in the Coffin House when he's trying to resurrect Xiao Xingchen. The increasingly wild mood swings from shocked ”this will be fine” denial as he washes the blood from Xiao Xingchen’s fingers to the absolutely sweet and adorable setting of the dinner table (and that Soft Look), the slow realizing something's wrong, the very human shaking the talismans a bit as though that'll actually do something, the leaning over to sniff/feel for breath/kiss and following horrible realization, the terror and grief instantly shifting into fury, then back into grief, then back to anger and negotiation, despair again, and finally deranged hope. That whole scene, fuck, it wrings my heart dry every single time.

3: His actual death scene, kneeling in the dirt, the way he looks at Fuxue when it comes into view, then getting stabbed, not even trying to avoid it, and falling... and then the jerky little movement of his hand to bring the candy into view so he can look at it, remember Xiao Xingchen and ”how nice that would be”, finally dying with a soft smile on his face.

(I have developed a pavlovian response to the background music in this scene. Even where it's used at other places in the series, I get goose bumps and my eyes tear up. And that last camera pan to the black lantern swaying in the wind, all of the funeral decorations of Yi City become a monument to the dealer of death who has died, my heart. If anyone knows a place to find that track, please please let me know. It's not on the OST and I want it.)

4: The scene where Xiao Xingchen confronts him, and he actually bares his heart in a final desperate attempt to actually get Xiao Xingchen to understand him, even as everything is going down in flames. The raw emotions on his face that entire scene, they kill me.

How their whole last confrontation is filmed like a battle – Xiao Xingchen attacking first, stabbing him, then Xue Yang pressing forward with his hand raised to tell his truth, Xiao Xingchen pressing him back again with his merciless accusations, Xue Yang parrying back with horrible revelations that make Xiao Xingchen stagger back, finally driving him all the way back and to his knees, to finally fall. The choreography of that entire conversation is poetry, and it hurts.

5: Xue Yang's interaction with Wei Wuxian in episode 37, once the juniors have been sent out to let the grownups talk.

There are just fractured glimpses of his old self – he's enjoying this! He's enjoying it a lot! Their weird little compliment-insult game! It's fun!

And then peppered through with madness – the glassy, teary-eyed look in his eyes when Wei Wuxian brings up the Chang and Baixue and he laughs and laughs. (this is not a happy laugh.)

Only to be instantly 300% laser-focused the moment the fierce corpses burst through the wall, snatching the soul-pouch back in an instant. Because this may be fun. But it's all still for a purpose.

The sweet smiling nagging could be cute if there wasn't enough desperation beneath that even emotional log-head Wei Wuxian picks up on it enough to throw it back into his face in the confrontation a few eps later ”Why did you beg on your knees for me to bring him back?”

...

It's hard to pick just 5, though!

I love the silly game with Xiao Xingchen, where he blatantly cheats, only to instantly admit to it and going anyway, the way he grabs onto his arm to pull him back (clearly no longer hiding left-hand touches!) in a way that's really too rough but so affectionate at the same time. ♥

I love the shameless flirting with Xiao Xingchen when he whines and begs to be allowed to go with him night-hunting (abandonment issues or just wanting the chance to get Xiao Xingchen to do horrible things? Both?) and the bum-touch when they're climbing onto the roof.

I love how ridiculously helpful he is in Yi City overall – the moment we see him back on his feet, literally, the first thing we see him do when he can walk again, is to come limping back home with firewood. And he doesn't even put that down before picking up the roof material from Xiao Xingchen as well, offering to help fix the roof.

Threateningly stabbing potatoes to get them good food when Xiao Xingchen is shooed away by the produce merchant, volunteering to go grocery shopping two days in a row - even the night hunting, that, yes, I know, was horrible in the beginning what with the whole tricking Xiao Xingchen into killing people bit, but the book very clearly states that that was only in the beginning, how it tapered off into ghosts and monsters as time went by. Which was helpful!

(I may or may not have a future section in Roadtrip discussing Chengmei's helpfulness at one point.)

I think, in the end, what I love about Xue Yang is his character's journey, which is played so beautifully by Wang Haoxuan.

How he starts out a cocky little unrepentant shit, keeps being an even more horrible little unrepentant shit, then Yi City with Xiao Xingchen where he grows into being something comparatively soft and happy, and then the broken, obsessive remains we see at the very end of his life, something worn so thin and fractured, just accepting that blade to the chest in the end, dying with a soft smile, surrendering at last.

Ow.

[nortnaibz]

"Bother My Askbox?" now,, what if I sent you 1-50 🤔 as a treat!! Haha just kidding.. unless. RETALIATION BITCH BOY

JFLKHSAFHDLFJDSKJF that is going to take me a hot minute 2 answer my dear but i will do the ones i haven’t already answered. just for u, gayass.

1. what color are your socks?

don’t have any ^-^ thems my feet

answered 2 <3

3. what is something you regret in the past month?

well there is a lot but not buying halloween candy sooner especially

4. do you believe in love at first sight?

nnnnnnope

5. when was the last time you wrote someone a letter on paper?

i always had to write thank you notes for xmas and birthday gifts as a kid so probably one of those? for an actual written letter it’s been at least a decade

6. how old were you when you first learned how to ride a bike? who taught you?

i......sighs i never learned how to ride a bike bc i went over the handlebars of one when i was like 4 and then never got back on one -_-

7. do you get along with your parents? why or why not?

complicated bc i’m the queer kid next question

8. what’s your favorite season?

fall!!!!!! even though we don’t really have it here

9. do you currently like someone?

well you know the answer to this sir......i’m perhaps a little gay for my girlfriend

10. have you ever used a ouija board?

yes i have on multiple occasions and nothing happened

11. what’s the last song you sang?

prisoner by dance gavin dance listening 2 it on repeat while i rank xd

12. what’s your favorite scent?

rain on pavement!!!!!!!!!!!

13. what’s your favorite urban legend?

uhhhhhhhhh? i don’t think i know any

14. what’s a bad habit you have?

i have many but i’m super clumsy and not very aware of like where i am in relation to other things so i run into shit a lot

15. what’s a strange habit you have?

i wrap my earbud cord around my neck so it isn’t dangling and in my way when i walk places 

16. what’s the first instrument you learned to play?

if you wanna be technical i learned to play flute for a very brief period in 4th grade but i hated it. so guitar!

17. how would you describe your type?

uhhhhhhh good question people who are nice to me <3 and most men

18. would you rather stay in or go out?

for the most part stay in but i usually hit a point after awhile of being home too long where i Need to leave the house lol

19. what was the last thing you said to your mom?

bye after i called her yesterday lol

20. do you want to get married someday?

not traditionally but yes

answered 21 and 22!

23. what’s an embarrassing thing that happened this week?

i had to answer a phone call at work abt the pet section which i know nothing about and the lady was clearly kinda annoyed and when i told her we didn’t sell kennels in the store (and that yes, i had checked) she said thank you and i. didn’t say anything else. i like forgot to speak and she just hung up and i felt so stupid for it ksdfjksdfhjk

24. when was the last time you went sledding?

it’s been at least a decade iirc 

25. have you ever/do you like someone you know you can never be with?

yes........ *picture of norton campbell*

26. do people often mispronounce your name?

nope

27. would you like to live in another country?

absolutely! when this country inevitably falls apart in the wake of the 2020 election i will be contacting my stoner friends in canada and moving up there at my earliest convenience <3

28. do you like to watch ghost hunting shows?

i never have but i would probably find them entertaining

29. who was the last person you said i love you to? 

kei my friend kei my best friend kei <3 before that either my mom or my girlfriend lol

30. what’s something you’d like to be better at?

playing guitar!!!!! i wanna get back into it so bad i just don’t know where my picks are rn

31. have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? 

oh sure i have it’s been awhile though

32. what was the last thing you cooked?

scrambled eggs the other day ^-^

33. do you think you would make a good parent?

absolutely not and i will never have kids unless i decide to adopt after getting help 4 my issues and assuring that i could actually be responsible for another human life 

34. do you have trouble sleeping at night?

nah i have issues w waking up in the middle of the night sometimes but other than that i’m good

35. where is your best friend right now?

i don’t have one best friend one is at work one is in his home i presume and the other is at college <3

36. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

depends but usually like 20 mins? i don’t do makeup or anything so i can be ready in ten if i need to be

37. how late do you usually stay up at night?

until 10 or 11 lately!

38. when was the last time you cried and why?

uh good question i have shit memory but a few days ago over life stress probably lol

39. have you ever won a contest?

yes i won a costume contest in my elementary school when i was v little and i sort of won a contest to get my poetry published in my uh. sophomore year....summer between sophomore and junior year

40. can you draw well?

i can draw. the well is subjective ^_^

41. would you ever date someone you met on tumblr/the internet?

me n my girlfriend are long distance but i did not meet her on tumblr i think if i ever date someone on tumblr you all should require an essay from me on why it is an okay thing to do. i love my mutuals but some of the people on here...well you know

42. what was the last thing you ate?

snickers!

43. do you think you’re/you’d make a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

ehhhhh i mean i’m certainly better than i used to be but tldr no. but i have issues so take that as you will

44. have you ever had a near death experience?

as in i physically came close to death and survived, no. but i was in a car crash a few yrs back that if anything had happened differently it could’ve killed us

45. what do you think people think of you?

idk i have a hard time reading intention and like. opinions of me? i think everyone puts up with my shit and wishes they didn’t have to lol

46. what is your middle name and do you like it?

my middle name is rowan and i love it cause i picked it myself i have no other middle names and i never have <3

47. are you close with either of your parents?

nnnnnnot really!

48. do you like yourself?

well i am the sexiest motherfucker alive but also i hate myself. i’m incredible and deserve better but also am horrible and deserve nothing. i’m the best and the worst at the same time <3

49. state five facts about your appearance

uhhhh my hair’s red, i’m short as fuck, i have blue eyes, i always wear hairties around my wrists, and i uhhhhh like wearing long sleeves. does that count??

50. state 5 facts about your personality

hm well i have no idea who i am as a person but? i’m creative, i like video games, i’m a pessimist, i spend a lot of time thinking/daydreaming, and i’m gay! the end <3 <3 <3

[3wisellamas]

Finale / Misc Boxbot and Voxman family Headcanons

First, some assorted ones based off Thank You for Watching the Show:

-Robbie and Sara are totally Boxman's grandkids, and he and PV spoil the shit out of them whenever they visit, but no single one of the gen 1 Boxbots is their parent -- all six contributed to their design, so the gen 2 bots consider them all combination moms/dads and aunts/uncles.  Though, Robbie tends to stick closest to Jethro and Raymond (especially Ray, he really looks up to him!), and Sara favors Ernesto and Shannon.

-The two of them really only fight as product tests, or for fun/combat training alongside the plaza crew -- Ernesto couldn't care less about the plaza's existence now that Boxman's gone.  They're even friends with the new KO's Bodega employees during their off-hours!  Though, whenever their grandpas visit, the two will go right into Serious Mode and try to wreck the place for real, to try and impress them.

-Darrell was the only robot that actually moved out after the finale, the rest all still live at Boxmore, even if they no longer work there.  With his business skills, he's already the most successful evil farmer (also, like, the only evil farmer, but whatever) in the Neutral Zone, and his family visits him every other weekend.

-He did get upgraded to a robo-young adult, so he could live on his own, but it's not too noticeable.  The only real differences are that he’s just a few inches taller, and now draws with colored pencils as well as crayons.

-He also took in Raymond's pet chickens.

-The bots still frequent the plaza as customers rather than just attackers now, and sometimes hang out with Enid, Rad, the backup Bodega crew, Dendy, and on occasion KO.  Raymond designs fashions for Drupe in between his band's practice sessions, and if Mr Logic gets really busy Shannon sends some of her audience members to help him out.  And, of course, Mikayla's even got a drink named after her at the cat cafe, which she stops in to order whenever she misses her feline friends (especially Teacup)!

-All those portraits, the Jethro mug, and the kitten model Mikayla that Boxman has in his house were Shucksgiving presents, as was Peej's book.  PV knocked on the door right after the kids left from celebrating with him, figuring it would be as good a time as any to finally give him that cake.

-Jethro's actually taken up gardening, and grows flowers around the factory, though they tend to die pretty fast in the windowless hallways.  He once tried to use some of Venomous' leftover gear in the labs in order to engineer them to need less sunlight, and the results were...tentacle-y.

-Boxman and Mr Logic are best friends again.  ;v;  Even if they don't often agree on things, and definitely don't work together anymore, Boxy regularly shows up at Logic's barbershop to get his hair cut and chat, and keeps him in the loop on everything that goes on with the rest of his family.

-When PV and Fink attacked the plaza in their bio-mech suits after returning to Earth, it wasn't actually the bodega employees who defeated them, but Carol, who pretty much just took one look out the window at the fight, said "Oh HECK no," and MESSED HIM UP.  Fink stayed at Boxmore while he recovered in the hospital!

And now, some older, slightly weirder heacanons that I never really bothered to post:

-Doctor Weakpoint and Lord Boxman are mother and son.  As in, yes, this person right here:

is the kinda-joke villain who kept sending robots to destroy POINT, even after some of its original members left.  I also really like @the-golden-ghost's theory about Boxy being an ex-minion, so I think a lot of the other villains' disdain for him comes not just from him being a joke villain, but also a former HENCHMAN to a joke villain.  Plus, she was probably very busy coming up with plans to destroy POINT every single day (and rebuilding Steamborg after he got trashed), hence Boxy taking himself go-karting for each of his birthdays, and eventually leaving to become a more serious villain on his own.  

-He still calls her sometimes, and leaves lots of voicemail about how things are going at Boxmore, but she never answers or calls him back.  ;-;  She does send the kids birthday cards and candy, though, and they love their grandma a lot even if they've never been able to meet her.

-Fink did go to KO's school, like in the episode we were supposed to get.  But she was in class 6-11B, rather than 6-11A like KO and Dendy, and they just never ran into her.

-Kinda dark one, if he gets hungry enough, Darrell has no problem with trying to hunt down and eat other robots, particularly his own clones (since it's not like there's ever a shortage of him around, plus their brains are extra tasty).  Don't let him skip a meal, ever, and if you do...keep an eye on the vents.

-The entrance to Shadowy Figure's lair in Professor Venomous' house was literally just kept hidden under a rug.  He also sometimes accidentally left glorbs or his scarf around the house, since sometimes he would lose control and start to shift back to PV unexpectedly.  The only reason PV never noticed is because he's just THAT MUCH of a dumbass sometimes.

-I see that the fandom's caught on to the idea of Laserblast having a crush on Boxman long before even becoming a villain, and I LOVE it, but I raise you this:  Boxman had a huge crush on Laserblast as well when he was first starting out with villainy.  Attacking POINT with that junkfish cake may or may not have been one of his many excuses to see Laser again, and he even got some inspiration to work on laser weapons for his own creations from him.  

-Boxman already knew who PV was LONG before the man finally decided to tell him about his backstory, because of this.  

-Alternatively, the reason Boxy became a supervillain and tried to attack POINT in the first place?  Because Laserblast snubbed him for a date, solely due to the whole "heroes shouldn't date villains" thing.

-Mikayla’s head literally was prototyped using one of Boxman’s old guitars.  He doesn’t know how to play, like his sons, he just owned it to look cool.

-There was a short period of time, like three-four months, between Boxmore's completion and Lakewood Plaza Turbo's construction, in which Lad Boxman and Mr Logic actually did attack POINT and do petty villainy, in addition to their new manufacturing jobs.  Logic was the brains, coming up with lots of schemes and handling all the logistics, and Boxman was the brawn, putting together new robots to fit their needs and carrying out the actual operations.  Needless to say, NONE of their efforts were successful, or even memorable, as they were pretty easily outclassed by other, more established villains. 

-Jethro's arms and legs have been there from the beginning, and were supposed to be for an upgrade that Boxman never actually implemented.  He just didn't give enough of a shit to ever remove them from production. 

-Leggy Jethro is his real mind, and is what runs underneath the more basic programming in the rest of his hivemind.  He just never had the ability to actually come out and express himself, without the extra glorbs' energy.  The other Jethros know they're him deep down but aren't able to fully understand why they feel...different.  Not themselves.  Hence, why they keep trying to assure themselves and others that they ARE Jethro...  

[i4z-0892-il]

Back in the Game 2

Summary: You were a Hunter once upon a time, but you’d left that life behind. But when the past comes back and knocks on your door, what’s a girl to do?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word count: 4282

Warnings: Language

A/N: Kinda long, not sorry. I live for feedback, comments and reblogs!

If you like my work consider buying me a Coffee, or leave me some Feedback!

Tag List

Masterlist

Part 1 - Part 2

Frozen in place you were stuck not knowing what to say, or what to do, not even sure if you truly trusted your eyes that he was really standing in your doorway. It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought of the possibility before. Dean showing up unannounced, each version in your head a little different. Sometimes he would decide to stay with you, changing his mind and wanting a life with you somewhere safe. Sometimes he’d show up and you’d fight with him, bitter and angry about how he’d reacted the last time you saw him. Not once had you actually expected him to do it. Four years worth of complete radio silence, four years of not knowing whether he was alive or dead- of course he was alive, he was Dean Fucking Winchester. And there he was, beautiful as ever. A forced smile turned up the corner of his perfect full lips.

“Hey, Y/n.” He said finally. He was real, he was real and he was standing in front of you and even though you’d thought about exactly this nearly everyday for years, you were at a complete loss for what to do next. You imagined your face was stupid in your shock. All you could do was take in his image, he looked like you remembered. Almost. The fine lines at the corners of his eyes were a little more defined, as were the ones in his brow from stress no doubt. His hair was lighter now than you remembered, peppered with the start of gray, only a few strands here and there, and in his stubble. More than anything he looked weary, tired not from a lack of sleep but from life, and he seemed sad to see you. You didn’t realize how long you’d stood there just studying him until he shifted uncomfortably. “C’mon, Y/n, say something.”

“I- Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you. Do you want to come in?” You asked, unsurity evident on your face as you stepped to the side. He looked down the hall considering his options as he bit into his lip and ran a hand over his face before nodding his head almost reluctantly before stepping into your tiny apartment. He scrutinized your belongings curiously as he stepped around the small kitchen and into your living room, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting but that wasn’t it. You had a dining room table, and throw blankets over the sofa, bookshelves filled with books that had nothing to do with lore, or ancient cryptids. There were no sigils scrawled on the walls, no devils traps painted on the floor. There was a TV, and a coffee table. There were no guns or holy water stashed in every nook and cranny that would hold them, but there were fresh cut flowers in a vase, and a picture on the shelf of you and a few other people smiling about something. He’d expected more of your old life to bleed through, he’d expected to see you as paranoid as he might have been, or maybe at least a little messier.

The pastels had him thrown for a loop, he didn’t remember you ever seeming so soft. But there you were in a pair of pink and black plaid cotton shorts and a blush colored t-shirt thin enough that he could see the rose colored lacey bralette through it, as if you’d rolled out of one of those girly magazines for some niche store in a mall. More than that, softer than that, you seemed comfortable, something he could say he’d only caught a few glimpses of in the still sanctity of night when it was just the two of you alone. You were still so beautiful, not that he thought that would ever change. But it had been so long that the image of you he had in just head just didn’t do justice to how lovely you were. Seeing you now, like you were, did nothing but rekindle the urge to touch you, and hold you, and kiss your lips to see if they tasted the same.

He remembered you exuding strength, and radiating attitude. He remembered you clad in army green, and neutral plaid, worn in steel-toed brown boots, and toting a sawed off. Deadly with a blade and one hell of a shot. Men in bars avoided you rather than hit on you, because of the stoic and unapproachable look on your face. He remembered you all fury and violence, the battlefield being your most natural state of being. He remembered how much he liked to watch you in a fight moving like a dancer with grace and poise and power. You used to shoot whiskey for breakfast, and clean your gun as a form of meditation. You used to be soft and vulnerable only with him, not letting anyone get a peek into the sweetness behind the mask except him. That was then, when you had no choice but to be strong and resilient and wear it like a suit of armor.

Now you had roses and succulents around your home, and your hands seemed more delicate than dangerous. You were still the most breathtaking creature he’d ever laid eyes on, hair still a mess and piled on top of your head, wild strands sticking out every-which-way, something that he hoped would never change. But change you had. You looked like you did when you left him, but even the way you stood was so different he wasn’t sure if you were the same person he used to know, he thought maybe he hadn’t known you at all.

“So this is it, huh?” There was more bitterness in his tone than he’d intended, making you cross your arms over your chest defensively. The offense you took was clear on your face and he hadn’t come there meaning to argue with you, it was unintentional, but it was damn hard not to let a little bit of venom slip in.

When you left he was a wreck, he drank too much, and had been to reckless during hunts. He threw himself in the arms of women who sometimes reminded him of you, sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes they were the opposite of you and he’d sleep with them to spite you. Wondering if maybe you could feel his malice in some way, some little tick in the back of you head that would make you uneasy or uncomfortable. Because why should you be happy and enjoying a regular anonymous life when he was stuck there trapped in the shit with the rest of the demons? Why did he have to be the one to be in pain while you got to go to coffee shops, and watch the game on the weekends, and go to regular parties with regular folk like a regular person? For a long time he wanted you to hurt, and wanted to hurt you like you’d done him, he wanted to you feel that empty void in your chest like he did.

But that was a long time ago, and he hadn’t come there to patronize you, or fight with you. Over time he only wished that you were content, that you finally got the life that you’d wanted so desperately, the one he couldn’t give you, the one your deserved. He simply wished that you’d found it and that he’d have been a part of it.

Dean knew he was the one to drive that final nail in the coffin. That shattered look on your face had haunted him from the moment you left, he gave you no other options.

“You walk out that door, you don’t ever come back.”

And Dean was much too prideful to take it back, he hated you too much to drop you a lifeline and tell you he was sorry. He almost did, hundreds of times. Late nights when he’d had a little too much to drink, or the pressure of the world on his shoulders felt too extreme and crushing. He’d typed up hundreds of messages, thought out hundreds of voicemails, dreamed about showing up on your doorstep only to delete them all or throw away the urge with bitterness and guilt. You wouldn’t want to talk to him, or hear from him, not after how mean and selfish he’d been. So he had to live with it. Until he couldn’t anymore.

He’d only thought about that exact moment for years.

4 years.

6 Months.

13 Days. To be exact.

And each time he thought about it there were one of two possibilities, either you wouldn’t be happy to see him, you’d have moved on, forgotten all about him and the nightmare world you left behind and he’d just be a ghost from that life. Or you’d be elated to see him, you’d throw your arms around his neck and he’d breath in that sweet smell of you, and all would be right with the world. He wasn’t that lucky, and based off of the shocked and petrified look you’d given him when you opened the door, maybe it was a terrible mistake to show up, one that he couldn’t take back now. He wasn’t helping things by being spiteful, and he could have smacked himself for it. Each time he had a conversation with you in his head he knew what to say, how to move, what to do to smooth everything out and you’d just melt into him again. As he stood in front of you now he couldn’t for the life of him find the words or the charm or the wit that he had in his head. He was there for a reason, and that reason wasn’t to push you further away.

“Yes, this is it.” You answered curtly. It wasn’t much, but it was yours, and you’d worked your ass off to get it. Whether he approved or not didn’t change that fact. Dean nodded as he continued to move through your small space taking inventory of everything from the art on your walls to the colors you chose.

“It’s nice.” He said with an approving nod. Your arms dropped back to your side no longer offended but now just confused. With your change in demeanor he continued, but he really didn’t actually want to know the answer. “Your boyfriend- husband-whatever, gonna be mad about me stopping by?”

“What? No, it’s just me Dean.” You scoffed, shaking your head. Hearing his name roll off your tongue again was like music.

“Really? No special someone?” He couldn’t deny that surge of hope that ran through his veins like fire reigniting that little spark he’d tried his best to douse.

“Nope.” You answered with a shrug, “never got over my ex.” Trying to keep his face stoic and not like a kid who was just told to blow fifty bucks on candy was difficult to say the least. It meant he still had a chance to make things right with you, one of the biggest regrets in his life.

“I find that hard to believe, I heard the guy’s an asshole.” He shot back with a grin.

“Maybe sometimes, but you’re also a good man Dean, the best. I couldn’t have replaced you even if I’d tried.”

“You…” A sharp stab of guilt and remorse struck him in the chest struck him in the center of the chest, right where it hurt. “You never tried?”

You simply shrugged and shook your head. It was an easy answer, there was no one who could have taken his place, no one you had even been remotely interested in. Friends had tried to set you up numerous times, begging you to “Just give him a shot, you’ll love him, he’s such a nice guy.” But you didn’t want nice. You didn’t want to even entertain the idea of being with someone else in any capacity. The idea alone was enough to make you nauseous. Intimacy with another human being was just out of the question. What were you even supposed to say when they asked you about your youth, or where you came from, what you used to do? Those conversations were hard enough to navigate with everyone else, let alone someone trying to get to know you on a profound and personal level. As it stood you could more or less gloss over details of your past, brush them off and play a mystery card. They tried relentlessly anyway to get you to meet John, or Lawrence, or Keith. And relentlessly you’d decline.

They’d never know you like he did. They’d never understand you like he did. They’d never touch you like he did. They’d never go through Hell and back with you like he had. You and Dean had traveled the world and then some. You fought together, and loved together, and bickered with each other and, and, and, the list went on. You and Dean had shared too much for there to be a chance of finding anything close with someone else. And you didn’t even want to try. No one could compare to Dean Winchester, love of your life.

But your easy answer didn’t bring him the comfort it should have, feeling like he’d wronged you somehow. You left but you never truly left him, even after all that time. There wasn’t much considering of the fact that you might have been hurting too. He figured it had been an easy choice for you, that you wanted out, and you wanted away from him. He had to think that way because the idea that you were out there somewhere still pining for him would have driven him over the edge long ago. He’d been sure you’d moved on and the notion of you with anyone else was a driving force of rage for him. It was why he hoped you’d feel it when he was with another woman, because he could feel it when you were with another man who touched you the wrong way, who couldn’t appreciate or worship you like he did. And now he was faced with the reality that none of his worst fears had come to fruition.

He felt like a monster for ever doubting your intentions at all. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t wanted out before, and wanted it so badly it hurt. He’d been so wrapped up in the fact that losing you hurt like hell, it felt like a personal attack. Felt like you were aiming below the belt to rip him into tiny little pieces. He wanted to go with you more than anything, but he knew he had a duty, and a responsibility to the job, knew he could never leave it. But you did, you took his dream to live a normal Apple Pie life, and you took his heart with you, and it was like a cruel joke. And leaving him in that empty, dingy hotel room with nothing left was the punchline.

The solemn and pensive look on his face made you nervous. You used to be able to just know what he was thinking and feeling like a sixth sense, having full conversations by just trading glances. Too much time had passed now, and you didn’t know what to expect, but maybe letting him know how you still felt about him was the wrong move.

“Can I get you something to drink? I made coffee.” You offered, and he accepted with a nod. When you stepped around him you were careful to keep a wide berth, afraid of touching him, afraid of how he might respond if you did. Would he be disgusted or disdainful? You could feel his eyes on you as you moved, like he was studying you. And he was, it was like the first time he was seeing you. He watched the muscle in your legs move and flex as walked, and the curve of your ass when you reached above your head for a mug. And there was no mistaking that you avoided contact with him, but he wanted you to invade his space again, and he had no idea how to let you know.

In his head he’d smile at you and flash you green eyes, he’d make a witty remark here, crack a joke there. He’d step in close, and you’d bridge the gap, and he’d say he missed you, you’d say it back and then he’d kiss you like you’d never been kissed before and the world would fall into place. Instead things were coming out a jumbled mess, and he couldn’t make heads or tails. He was hot and you were cold, then you were hot and he was cold, and vice versa. It was like you were both dancing around each other, or dipping a toe in to test the waters only to find them choppy and cold when they seemed warm and serene. There was so much to unpack that trying to find a place to start was the most difficult thing in the world.

Dean watched you struggle for a moment trying to reach the shelf just a hair too high for your reach, an amused grin passing across his lips as he stepped in close and plucked a plain gray mug off the shelf. You turned eyes up to him, heat creeping into your cheeks by him being so near. Close enough to feel the heat radiating off of him like a furnace seeping into your skin and permeating every fiber of your being, raising goosebumps along the length of your arm and down your back. Close enough that you could smell that familiar leather, and his cologne. Dean held the cup out to you like a peace offering, and you took it. His fingers lingered against yours, just a simple touch, it shouldn’t have meant much but it did. Because it was him and because you’d missed him more than you ever thought possible. Because he was the cause of an all consuming fire burning away in your chest. A zing of electricity shoot from his fingertips up into his head and down into his toes at the touch of your hand, soft and warm, pulling away only when you did. Your eyes were locked on his not ready to tear away your gaze just yet, and also not knowing what to do with how you were feeling.

It’d been so long since you looked at him like that it made his heart thump wildly in his chest, that look that said you were mesmerized by him, and he never felt he deserved such adoration from you. But once it was gone it was like a piece of him went missing, and all of a sudden it was there again, he wanted you to look at him like that forever, like you were supposed to. All he could do was study your face, take in the soft curve of your cheeks, the curl of your lashes, and the gentle part of your lips where his eyes lingered a little too long wanting to know if you tasted the same.

You knew that look, the one that would do you in if you acted on it. The one that told you he still wanted you, maybe as much as you wanted him. But that was the problem. It was why you struggled so hard leaving the first time, and if you gave in now and took that dive there was nothing saying you’d ever surface. You’d worked too hard to get what little you had, and you treasured that solace and security. Clearing your throat you stepped back, bringing yourself back to Earth and putting your focus on the coffee pot, not wanting to risk being hypnotized by him again, knowing it would only lead to trouble. You set the mug on the counter and filled your own, pouring too much creamer in it.

“Still like a little coffee flavor with your creamer, huh?” Dean asked with a grin. He drank his black.

“Hey, you enjoy your plain, bitter bean-water and I’ll enjoy mine, which tastes like a cinnamon roll by the way.” You teased, pressing your hip against the counter. As much as you enjoyed just being near him again, there was one thing you couldn’t shake, and he wasn’t going to come out and just tell you on his own it seemed. And you were never one for small talk. “Why are you here Dean?”

The question stopped him in his tracks. He’d been trying to figure out a way to broach the subject, but there wasn’t an easy way to get to it, and he’d hoped to be able to do it himself. Knowing you he should have figured you’d cut straight to the point, but it threw him off nonetheless.

“What, I can’t come visit you, see what you’re up to?” He asked avoiding answering. You scoffed, shaking your head.

“After four years of complete radio silence? No, not really.”

“Y’know phones work both ways Y/n.”

“Yeah, Dean. They do. “ You shot back with venom. Instantly he knew that he’d made a mistake. It wasn’t like you wanted to instigate a fight but it’d only been weighing on you for years and once the levee broke the words just spilled out of your mouth. “You were the one who told me I could never come back Dean.”

Yeah, he’d made a very big mistake. He hated himself for how things left off.

“Y/n I was angry… I didn’t mean-”

“Didn’t mean it?” You finished for him, and when he just hung his head solemnly you knew you had assumed right. “When why would you say it?”

“Because you were leaving me!” Dean argued, trying to keep his voice down. “You were leaving me because I couldn’t give you this! I could never give you this! I wasn’t enough for you, and I couldn’t convince you to stay, I didn’t know what to do Y/n. I couldn’t stand to lose you too. I wanted you to stay so damn badly that when you wouldn’t I-...  I didn’t mean to push you away, it just came out, and I couldn’t take it back. I wanted to take it back.”

It was your turn to fall silent. All those years wondering if he ever regretted sending you away like that answered in an instant. You couldn’t look at him, afraid of what you’d see in his eyes.

“I hated you for that.” You said quietly, his heart dropping directly into his stomach. It’d been cruel of him, he knew that, and he knew you had to harbor some resentment for it, just like he had for you leaving. “For a long time I hated you for saying that. Dean, I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t enough. It was never something you did, or something you lacked. We needed different things, and I didn’t want to live that life anymore, I didn’t want to die because of it and I couldn’t stand the thought of having to watch you die from it either. I just couldn’t. I wanted you to come with me. I wanted you to be here with me every single day for the last four years. I never stopped worrying about you Dean, but I never felt like I could reach out to you.”

When you met his gaze you had tears in your eyes, and he had to fight the need to hold you. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, afraid he might break your cup if he held onto it any tighter. It took longer than he’d have been proud to admit, but eventually he understood. Things change, people change, people’s needs change. And if he was honest with himself, he wasn’t too keen on the idea of staying a hunter forever either anymore, he hadn’t been for a long time, even before you left. It was just another thing he resented you for, having the courage to get out when he couldn’t. The idea rolled around in his head every now and then, small at first until it became an ache living so deep in his core that he couldn’t ignore it any longer. Whenever he envisioned himself happy, and at peace. It was with you, where ever you were. But there was still work to do.

“I thought about you every day. I wanted to call you but I figured you wouldn’t answer.” He admitted, and you responded with a half-hearted laugh.

“I know the feeling.”

Everything felt like just a big misunderstanding. It was bigger than that, of course, but if only you could have talked to him.

                                  If only he could have talked to you.

If you’d been a little braver.

                                  If he’d been less stubborn.

If you hadn’t been so heartless.                

                                  If he hadn’t been so cruel.

If you thought about what he needed.

                                  If he considered what you wanted.

If you’d just tried.                                 

                                  If he’d just tried.

Maybe you’d have had a chance.                                       

                                  Maybe he’d have had a chance.

There you were again, dancing around each other, the space between you feeling like a thousand miles. Both of you too scared to make the first move, both of you wanting to just put the past in the past, but there was too much time that had passed. There were too many feelings unresolved, too many things that needed discussing, there was too much history and baggage to go alone with it. One little discussion wouldn’t be able to fix it.

And he’d never actually answered your question.

“Dean… why are you here? Why now?”

“I uh… I need your help with something.”

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[madaboutmerlin]

Merlin Writer Month: Round up

Hello Merlin fans! We hope you’ve all had a fabulous week and that you found new authors to enjoy. 

We wanted to let you know that we’ll be posting a compilation of all your recommendations every sunday so, please, if you uploaded something remember to use the hashtag: #MerlinWritterMonth2018; so that we may include what you shared. 

This post will always be divided by the pairing that is the focus of the fic, if it is not tagged under one, then it will go under a General category that  will be at the end. Also, all fics will be found after the cut, because this is a long post and we don’t want to clog yout timeline.

With all of that out of the way, enjoy!

Arthur/Merlin

1. If Merlin’s Into It, by Remianly Length: 660 words Summary: Arthur realizes he’s in love with Merlin and wishes to convey his feelings. He asks Gwaine for advice to help him in writing a love song.

2. The Witchfinder by StoriwrYNos Lenght: 4,669 Summary: When a witchfinder comes to Camelot looking for the person responsible for the magic witnessed there he quickly settles on Merlin as the perpetrator. Will Arthur be able to come up with a plan to save Merlin in time, and will he even want to if he knows what Merlin really is?

3. Em-bare-assing by alienvomplanetenwooh Lenght: 1,589 Summary: Letting down your pants in public can lead to unexpected outcomes.

4. A More Comfortable Place to Sleep by JimJamDavis Word Count: 912 Summary: On the floor in front of the fireplace he could see the tasseled edge of one of his cushions, where it had no place being. The misplaced cushion wasn’t what had stopped him however, but the curl of delicate fingers loosely grasping it.Apparently the room wasn’t quite as empty as he’d thought. Merlin falls asleep on the floor, and Arthur makes him more comfortable.

5. Dead And Breakfast by yourrockyspine Lenght: 4,345 Summary: After his Mum’s demise, Merlin kept her beautifully-maintained B&B up and running.And though he mostly loves having his mother’s ghost nearby, it’s some of the other deceased residents that make it exceedingly hard to please his (living) clients.[This was originally going to be a Happy Merloween chapter, but it’s just too silly and whimsical. No scary here, just utter madness. And a spot of smut and romance.]

6. My Major is Pre-Sorcery by princepratness Lenght: 5,843 Summary: Merlin’s in the pre-sorcery department and Arthur’s in the Prince program. The last thing Arthur expected is for them to ever get along. However, they do. In fact, they get along so damn well that Arthur’s stuck wondering how he never noticed when the insults became kisses instead.

7. Modern Merlin AU by V_L_G_4200 Summary: Inspired by tumblr posts by ‘katiemcgrath’“Almost got arrested.” Lenght: 6,494 “What?? Why?” “Punched the Prince of Wales.” “Was he angry?” “I don’t know. Gave me his number.” “You going to call him?” “Nah, gonna post it on Twitter.”

8. all the best it could be (just you and i) by pynk (pinkjook) Lenght: 7,860  Summary: Arthur’s never been much for pining, but he’s never been much for lying, either. Not even to himself.

9. Between the shadow and the soul by fireatwill52 Lenght: 29,333  Summary: Arthur meets Merlin at a wedding and falls head over heels. About an hour later his fiancee Vivian talks Merlin into being their wedding planner. Arthur thinks this is fantastic, because he gets to spend more time with Merlin… if only there wasn’t going to be a wedding that married him to someone else at the end of it.

10. of blowjobs and candy rings by coffeeandparchment Lenght: 6,221  Summary: "No.“ "What? I didn’t even say anything yet.” “You didn’t have to. It’s all in your beady little eyes. You want me to give you a piggyback to the club.” Arthur said. “My feet hurt,” Merlin said, as if that was a good enough reason for a piggy back. At Arthur’s silence, Merlin pouted. Gods, maybe he was a little more than tipsy. Arthur slowed down as Merlin walked past. “What are you doing now? For someone who is all about doing these quickly you sure ar—” Merlin cut off as he turned to see Arthur stopped and crouching down. "What are you doing?” Arthur huffed in annoyance. “What does it look like, Merlin? Are you going to get on or just leave me crouching here like an idiot all night?”

11. If You’re Still Breathing You’re The Lucky Ones by Withstarryeyes Lenght: 1,722 Summary: But the concern wasn’t the fact that his eyes itched, but what that meant. Ever since Merlin was a child he’d get random fevers at least once or twice a year. They’d stay for a day or two but they always spiked during the night, leaving him delirious and shaking under blankets. He would wake up with itchy eyes, then at midnight he’d have a 105-degree fever and his mother would have to tend to him all night to make sure didn’t die or boil alive. But tonight, Arthur was going on a hunting trip with the knights and Merlin had to tag along to cook and clean and polish armor and his eyes itched.

12. Carry On, Calm or Not by yourrockyspine Lenght: 14,765 Summary: After an inadvertent attempt on his life, 17-year-old Merlin finds himself stuck in the Camelot Ward for Troubled Adolescents. Forced to work through his feelings of helplessness, Merlin develops a new lease on life and learns to find happiness in the strangest of corners.

13. You Can Be King Again by asuralucier Lenght: 14,886  Summary: Victorianesque — Arthur Pendragon, Marquess of Harington flees to his (father’s) country estate for a well-deserved summer holiday. He has his hands full with Merlin, the surly stable boy and Arthur is also pretty sure there’s a ghost haunting his father’s house.

14. The Vacation by Mina264 Lenght: 5,718  Summary: Merlin needs a vacation from Camelot and Arthur tags along. They make some realizations during this vacation that will change their lives forever.

15. Fractured Magic by LunaCanisLupus_22 Lenght: 141,847 Summary: “Oi!” Merlin shouts. “People are trying to study in here. Piss off somewhere else!” “What did you say, spellbegger?” he calls back, tone arrogant and haughty like just about every other Knight on Campus. “Come down here and say that to my face.” Or the Sky High AU where Knights and Magic Users attend University to learn how to fight evil magic and Merlin and Arthur do not get along. Until they do.

16. Knights on the case by TheGameIsOn_Geronimo Lenght: 3,707 Summary: The knights decide that they just can’t deal with all the pining and sexual frustration that comes from being near Merlin and Arthur, so they decide to take matters into their own hands. As (probably) expected: chaos ensues.

17. The Jealous King by guessimaclotpole Lenght: 2,057 Summary: “How about jealous Arthur when he finds out there are loads of other knights and servants who have crushes on Merlin (who sometimes flirts back) and he loses his shit when one starts to court him and is just like “no” and kisses him up against the wall and afterwards Merlin is just like “it’s about fuckin time” mm yeah that’s some good shit right there”

18. inhiare ardens by mishcollin Lenght: 9,616 Summary: Merlin starts a courtship, and Arthur’s fine with it. Completely fine with it. In which Arthur discovers that he’s not fine with it, and some other things about himself.

Gwaine/Merlin

1. For the Love of All Who Gather by  Nebula5030 Lenght: 92,053 Summary: Merlin hadn’t wanted Arthur to discover his magic like that: with Merlin performing a spell in the woods and Arthur simply stumbling across him. But with wounds both old and new festering within him, Arthur believes he has no choice- and banishes his dearest friend. Forced from Camelot, Merlin and Gwaine find themselves living amongst Druids, and Merlin discovers he has the chance to learn more about his magic, his heritage, and the prophecy that binds him and Arthur together. But with tensions stirring both near and abroad, past lies come to light, and everyone finds that not everything is truly as it seems.

2. My Dearest Merlin by Nebula5030 Lenght: 2,305 Summary: A week after the Battle of Camlann, Merlin receives a letter.

3. Private Moments by Nebula5030 Lenght: 758 Summary: With Gwaine’s body against his, the mattress to his back, and Gwaine kissing him slowly and deeply, Merlin found himself wondering why they didn’t do this more often. Why they always waited before taking time to do this. Merlin’s hand began to slide up under Gwaine’s shirt- “Merlin?” Gaius’s voice came through the door. Merlin and Gwaine both froze, their heads snapping to the door. Oh. That was why.

4. Obelus: Doubt The Tale by Lion_owl Lenght: 2,427 Summary: Gwaine's got back to Camelot and Gaius is safe; now, he's worried about what's become of Merlin. But soon they're reunited and they talk everything out.

Arthur/Gwen

1. got to be (something bigger than me) by CyberQueens Lenght: 30,620 Summary:  A thousand and a half years (or thereabouts) after Camlann, Gwen finds two strange men at her door. Written for roundtablemanagers' Round Table Minutes March 2016 prompt 'Once and Futures'.

2. Baby this is it by sadpendragon Lenght: 342 Summary: It had given Arthur a certain joy to tease Guinevere about the words she had told him during his illness. But it had also made him think.

3. Knights & Merlin (+ Gwen) by tymedfire * Lenght: 9,171 Summary: This is a collection of unconnected fics, with each fic focusing on the relationship between Merlin and a Knight of the Round Table, with a bonus addition of Gwen. There will be fluff and angst, though mostly angst, but who knows. There WILL be fluff, though, I promise you that.

* We decided to put this one here because even though most of the fics in this series are not tagged to go with a certain ship, one of them has Arthur/Gwen as the tagged pairing.

Gwen/Merlin

1. Kiss me when I’m down by sadpendragon Lenght: 937 Summary:  We were each other’s first after all.

Merlin/Morgana

1. Any Other Name by RemixConstellation Lenght: 1,024 Summary:  She fits him, like nothing else he has ever worn. Nothing he will ever wear again. There’s a bounty on their heads. One they cannot out run. One that flows in their veins and lights up their eyes. Sometimes, in the glow of the fire, he wonders what crime it is to just be born. How could a king with magic under his sign, put a sword through a sister’s chest for the magic under her skin?

Arthur/Leon

1. A Poetic Affair by sadpendragon Lenght: 732 Summary:  Leon knew what poetry meant, and Leon wasn’t so sure he was amused by it anymore.

[valkerymillenia]

I ask all 50!!! Fill us with fun facts about you!

Holy shit, again?! I’m not that interesting, you know?But ok, I’ll try, I’ve already answered some though.

1: What color are your socks?

Answered.

2: Have you ever lied about your age? Why?

Answered already!

3: What is something you regret in the past month?

So much wasted time…

4: Do you believe in love at first sight?

I’ve answered this before- no, I believe in attraction at first sight; love, however, needs to be earned, grown and nourished.

5: When was the last time you wrote someone a letter on paper?

Do notes to translate conversations into paper for my deaf dad count? If so, then today.If you mean real letters… I honestly don’t remember.

6: How old were you when you first learned how to ride a bike? Who taught you?

Answered!

7: Do you get along with your parents? Why or why not?

Oh my gods, this is such a loaded question…Ok, I’ll try to keep it simple. Who am I kidding? That’s not possible.

Mom- ok so my mom is denial of any form of mental illness but she clearly has manic depression and war PTSD since forever. So as a result my mom has always been a bit aloof, irresponsible, neglectful, super permissive, a sneaky opportunist and a slightly childish and impulsive. Never thinks ahead, just goes nuts on the moment or spends too much time asleep (no in between).So my mom wasn’t the best mother in the world, she was a great caregiving and spoiling mother when we were babies but as soon as we gained minimal independence (aka around 5 years old) she just slacked off on the motherhood department. She’s not very bad, she’s just irresponsible and opportunistic and won’t interfere if we need help which doesn’t suit a mother but she’s a great person so she makes a very good friend (as long as you set boundaries and basic duties), she’s funny and sweet and a bit geeky, she’s also beautiful and used to be a model before I was born so she’s that fashion and beauty oriented friend (if fact she’s a certified beautician and taught me all she knows).So… Complicated relationship, lots of love but not the best mom (can’t blame her, grandma was a bitch).

Dad- I love him, he raised me, but I was also his main caregiver since I was 10 since he’s deaf and crippled. He’s a funny and permissive dad (except when he had explosive bouts of rage but that was a phase…a traumatic and slightly violent phase around the divorce time but short), he tried to be a provider and friend with shared interests with me. BUT he was also quite neglectful, being deaf made him very introverted, paranoid and isolated so he just let me run wild (I didn’t, I was taking care of the house and school instead) while he was cooped up playing pc games. We have that friendly daddy’s girl relationship but we both lack trust, we keep our more important thoughts to ourselves and I’m always afraid that as a deaf person he’ll misunderstand important things or judge me for whatever (and he’s always also feeling judged) so our relationship often feels shallow, he’s also the type in denial about people’s mental illness.

Biological father- Fucking complicated. As a little child he babysat me and was our neighbor so I was always hanging out and getting candy, he was also the person that cherished me the most to take hundreds of photos of me. I moved at age 5 so after that we only communicated through my grandma when she traveled between countries, he’d send me presents and worry about me. I only found out he was my progenitor when I was 10 and it took me years to accept it. Saw him again when I was 18, in fact it was like shock therapy- I spent a whole month living with him as I visited my hometown again. He likes to spoil me as much as he can and he’s very kind but also naive and stubborn and not the type that likes to talk about feelings or important things so talks between us are extremely awkward chitchat.

Stepdad- Terrible relationship. He’s the kind of person that is a caregiver for us all out of duty but then uses that to emotionally manipulate everyone. He’s small minded, old fashioned and selfish and blames everyone for his problems, he also seems to have a personal thing against me- pretty sure he doesn’t hate me but I’m his natural verbal punching bag, anything I say or do in front of him, no matter how innocent, even standing still for a moment or asking to pass the juice at dinner, he twists everything into insults and psychological abuse. Luckily my sister is his baby so she escapes his judgement but he wasn’t that much of a present parent to her either and let her run wild a lot (I’m so glad I could turn that around and teach her to be way more responsible than her parents). The only reason I don’t totally hate him is because he gave me sister, who I love most in the world.

8: What’s your favorite season?

Answered!

9: Do you currently like someone?

Yup, also answered before.

10: Have you ever used an Ouija board?

I know how but I never used it, as a Wiccan my preferred specialty for spiritual communing was pendulum scrying.

11: What’s the last song you sang?

“Havanna” by Camilla Cabello has been stuck in my head for weeks.

12: What’s your favorite scent?

Telling me to choose just one fav of anything is hard af… But here are some favs.

Fresh peppermint, lavender, petrichor, burnt eucalyptus, baby powder, sea water, freshly baked bread, and oddly enough- gasoline.

13: What’s your favorite urban legend?

Can’t choose favs but off the top of my head… La Llorona.

14: What’s a bad habit that you have?

Procrastinating.

15: What’s a strange habit that you have?

All my odd stims and ocd rituals.

16: What’s the first instrument that you learned to play?

Answered.

17: How would you describe your ‘type?’

Already answered in the previous ask meme.

18: Would you rather stay in or go out?

Both, when I go out I make it special and try to make the most of it because it’s rare… But I guess I do prefer the safety and routine of staying home.

19: What was the last thing you said to your mom?

“Never going to see what you borrowed from dad again, am I? This is why people don’t trust you, you never keep your promises…

Well, whatever! How are the stitches? You’re better, right?

Ok, put my sister on. Kisses, bye.”

20: Do you want to get married someday?

Already answered in the previous asked meme.

21: Have you ever snuck out?

Not that I needed to with my kind of parents but yeah, a couple of times.

22: Can you sing well?

I love to sing but whether I’m good or not is up to the listener, I can post a song sample if anyone wants.

23: What’s an embarrassing thing that happened this week?

Other than grovelling desperatly for help?

24: When was the last time you went sledding?

Never?

25: Have you ever/do you liked someone you know you can never be with?

Yeah.

26: Do people often mispronounce your name?

Yes! If you’re not a Portuguese speaker, I DARE you to pronounce my surname. Go ahead- Coelho.

27: Would you like to live in another country?

I do miss my home country, South Africa holds my heart… and I’ve dreamed of a stint in Japan. But all in all, I like this country, it’s…interesting, safe.

28: Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows?

Not really, they tend to be too over the top and stereotypical. 

29: Who was the last person you said you loved to?

Boyfriend.

30: What’s something you’d like to be better at?

Follow through.

31: Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad?

Very often, Some right here on tumblr.

32: What was the last thing you cooked?

Chili con carne. Been eating leftovers of it for a whole week now.

33: Do you think you would make a good parent?

Answered already.

34: Do you have trouble sleeping at night?

Answered!

35: Where is your best friend right now?

Given the day and time, my sister is probably at dance practice now.

36: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

Depends if I’m making an effort (an hour) or if I’m just being casual (20min).

37: How late do you usually stay up at night?

Answered.

38: When was the last time you cried and why?

I don’t know… 

39: Have you ever won a contest?

Yes, started this year by winning a Justice League pop contest. But that was more of a giveaway... Actual contest? I won a couple b of art contests before but nothing big.

40: Can you draw well?

I have art posted here so you tell me.

41: Would you ever date someone you met on Tumblr/the internet?

Sure. I already do.

42: What was the last thing you ate?

….Bread.

43: Do you think you’re/you’d make a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

I sure hope so, I try my best… But to be honest I don’t think I’m a very good partner.

44: Have you ever had a near-death experience?

About 6 actually.

45: What do you think people think of you?

I don’t know… I’ve been told I make people feel comfortable and I’m easy to open up to? But to be honest I don’t really know.

46: What is your middle name and do you like it?

Augusto. My mom’s maiden name, because that’s how it works here (Name+ maybe 2nd name + mom’s surname + dad’s surname). 

Yes, I like it, it’s latin. But people sometimes mix it up with my paternal grandma’s first name.

47: Are you close with either of your parents?

In my own way, yes. Both mom and dad.

48: Do you like yourself?

Some days…

49: State five facts about your appearance –

-I get a lot of comments on my boobs and I really don’t mind

-I look pale because I stay inside a lot but I tan very easily, probably because my mom is dark

-I love my tattoos, I’m proud of them

-I wear glasses or contacts in important occasions 

-I have the worst time looking people in the eye

50: State five facts about your personality –

-I’m patient but full of anxiety

-I don’t have just one personality

-I try to be as unbiased and non-judgmental as possible

-I’m obsessive about random things

-I like solitude but I also like interacting (though the more non-physical the better)

[backwardblackbyrd]

autumn tag game 🍂 Tagged by @luna-canticum and @petticoated-swashbuckler (Which btw I love both of u) The last: 1. drink: water 
2. phone call: My mom!
 3. text message: “and thank u for sending it" I wanted my boyfriend to tell his roommate about queer ghost hunting group. They were communicating with lesbian ghost nuns and I had to share
 4. song you listened to: black me out by against me! 5. time you cried: literally about 2 hours ago, when I read an article about black poets lol 6. dated someone twice: back in high school and like that guy was a piece of shit and now the reason I typically do not date someone twice lol 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uh, I don't think ever actually. Not like, regretting the kiss specifically
 8. been cheated on: not to my knowledge
 9. lost someone special: well. That's a whole thing. Let's not get into it lol
 10. been depressed: oh buddy
 11. got drunk and thrown up: i! Actually haven't thrown up from being drunk before I've been like. Pissy drunk but I otherwise hold my liquor p well 3 favourite colours 12. Purple
13. pink
14. blue in the last year have you 15. made new friends: I think so lol
 16. fallen out of love: lol lets not
 17. laughed until you cried: definitely!
 18. found out someone was talking about you: ya
 19. met someone who changed you: yeaaaa well.
 20. found out who your friends are: uhh, yea I guess. The answer was way less that I thought lol
 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes! Quite often! general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I've known everyone on my fb list at one point or another. I hardly talk to any of them anymore tho
 23. do you have any pets: 1 Kenyan sand boa named Artemis, a western hognose named Charlie, and a cat named Jenny.
 24. do you want to change your name: I did when I was little but like. Now that I'm older I'm like??? Change it to what exactly??? I did try going by prince for awhile but hardly anyone actually called me that lol
 25. what did you do for your last birthday: spent p much the whole weekend with my boyfriend. We went for small road trip. It was cute
 26. what time did you wake up: i got to sleep in, I woke up at like 8am. I haven't had many days off in the last two weeks and I typically have to wake up anywhere from 3am to 5am for work so lol
 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: I was very asleep. I was so tired. I sleep so much yesterday like probs 12 hours lmao. Again, I've been working a lot
 28. name something you can’t wait for: Halloween!!!!!!!!! And for my daughter Artie to be done shedding so she'll go back to having her face out all the time
 29. when was the last time you saw your mum: literally like 5 minutes ago
 31. what are you listening to right now: an episode of Queer Ghost Hunters. They're on YouTube look em up
 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: possibly?
 33. something that is getting on your nerves: lol my job, I literally leave so frustrated every time I work
 34. most visited website: tumblr definitely lol with instagram being a close second
 35. hair colour: dark brown
 36. long or short hair: short. I can't keep up with my hair if it's long. I end up with bad cases of depression hair 
 37. do you have a crush on someone: the boyfriend, yes 
 38. what do you like about yourself: I like how much I love my snakes. Reptiles are really often neglected and I'm proud that I give my kids such good care. 
 39. piercings: I have 6 piercings on one ear, my lobe stretched on the same ear, and my conch pierced on the other ear. I also have my septum pierced and my lip technically is still open if I ever felt the urge to wear jewelry in it again
 40. blood type: not a clue, no idea
 41. nickname: i actually don't have one
 42. relationship status: dating!
 43. zodiac: taurus sun, libra moon, and sagittarius rising
 44. pronouns: She/her 
 45. favourite tv show: yikes all my go to tv shows are problematic faves; bojack horseman, it's always sunny in Philly, rich and moaty 46. Tattoos: only one; I got it when I was way too young to be getting tattoos but I love it. It's a clandestine bat like Pete Wentz's over my heart. Everyone always thinks it's batman and I'm like yea that's cool too 
 47. right or left handed: right first 48. surgery: haven't had one yet. Kinda hoping to keep it that way for as long as possible
 49. piercing: ears, I was really young when my mom let me get them, I genuinely don't remember my age 
 50. sport: uhhh I was in the volleyball club in middle school? 
51. vacation: uh mom and I went up to the mountains when I was a kid. I was way too young to appreciate it, I was bored as shit the entire time
 52. pair of trainers: Idek what those are so more general 53. eating: candy that's supposed to be for trick or treaters. Sorry kids 
54. drinking: water, I feel like I answered this already 
 55. i’m about to: finish binge watching queer ghost hunters and then find some other spooky thing to watch 
 56. waiting for: Sweet death, my guy. No, uh idk, the hygrometers I ordered to come?
57. want: to be done with college and to have a better job already
 58. get married: that doesn't interest me
 59. career: one that pays enough money for me to afford being alive and to have my own place and the animals I want to own lmao which is better 60. hugs or kisses: im a Taurus and I have so much Venus energy in my chart, like. Gimme all of it 
 61. lips or eyes: both
 62. shorter or taller: I've dated both and like, it's mostly irrelevant to me
 63. older or younger: very close to my age or older. And by very close I mean like, 1 year, 2 might be pushing it
 64. nice arms or nice stomach: strong arms and a tum is ideal
 65. hook up or relationship: I've always wondered how I'd feel about a hook up, but the reality is I'm a relationship type person.
 66. troublemaker or hesitant: i used to be a trouble maker. My mental health is shot to hell now so I'm much more hesitant than I used to be. Which is. Unfortunate have you ever 67. kissed a stranger: i have wanted to before, but haven't 
 68. drank hard liquor: absolutely, I'm vodka aunt these days
 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I temporarily lose glasses all the time. I've had one pair permanently lost, I'm p sure I know what happened to them tho
 70. turned someone down: yes lol
 71. sex on the first date: no
 72. broken someone’s heart: yea
 73. had your heart broken: yea but not by anything I didn't cause myself
 74. been arrested: no and let's hope I never do
 75. cried when someone died: yea
 76. fallen for a friend: absolutely. Almost exlcusively do you believe in 77. yourself: sometimes. Not as much as I ever have, but definitely more than when I was like, in grade school
 78. miracles: yea
 79. love at first sight: Nah
 80. santa claus: no
 81. kiss on the first date: yes lmao 
 82. angels: they don't fit into my personal belief system but I know they're real for other folks other 83. current best friend’s name: Allyson! 
 84. eye colour: like, mine? Brown
 85. favourite movie: under the red hood, and kikis delivery service @jasoncorpsedotcom and @sacredheartssclub and @automaticmachinetangerine and @volantamasis only if y'all wanna! It's long so I understand if not lol also p much any of my mutual support are welcome to say I tagged them if they wanna do this :)

[notyourgrandfather]

1-50 do em all

1. have you ever been in love?

no

2. what are your favourite colours and why?

i like blue because it’s the shade of cotton candy ice cream

3. who was the last person you held hands with?

@thepartymantm because he was going to get lost at Target

4. what is your zodiac sign?

Taurus

5. how many times have you read your favourite book?

tbh i can’t even remember what my favorite book is

6. what are your favourite films?

Hunt for the Wilderpeople, What we do in the Shadows, Disney’s Hercules, Love Actually, 

7. what kind of weather do you like?

Rain and Snow

8. do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets

9. what kind of weather represents who you are as a person?

That weird bit where it’s raining but also sunny

10. what’s your favourite animal?

Quokka

11. what is your favourite song right now?

Ma Chouchoute by Snail’s House

12. what is your favourite song of all time?

Selfish High Heels

13. do you like sunny days or rainy days better?

Rainy

14. have you ever been heartbroken?

yeah

15. what does the perfect kiss feel like?

a ham and cheese sandwich

16. what is your favourite poem?

My humps by the Black Eyed Peas

17. who are you most inspired by?

Butterbean

18. are you spiritual?

I believe that ghosts are real and they killed me

19. what is your favourite plant?

Any type of fruit tree because hell yeah free fruit

20. what is your favourite feeling?

MUHFUCKIN UHH like that kind of embarassed when someone really compliments you? That’s good stuff

21. what is your favourite word?

Homerjsimpson

22. are you an artist?

no

23. what is your favourite flower?

Sweet Pea

24. are you happy?

permanently neutral 

25. what are you thinking about right now?

overwanch

26. what emotion do you feel most often?

unfulfillment

27. what is your favourite season?

Winter

28. are you in a relationship?

HAH, that’s a good goof

29. are you an introvert or extrovert?

I can be very accommodating if i’m thrown into uncomfortable situations but i’m mostly an introvert

30. do you prefer the moon or the stars?

I only really get to see the moon at night so the moon

31. what is your favourite scent?

This one perfume and i could never nail down the smell but it comes back every now and then and it just reminds me of some really good childhood smells

32. where do you feel most at home?

in bed asleep motherfucker

33. what scares you the most?

ghouls, inanimate objects coming alive, needles, the ocean

34. do you believe in soulmates?

yeah sure why not

35. what is your favourite thing about yourself?

i like spicy food so i’m pretty sure i’m a sub

36. what is the nicest compliment you’ve received?

that i’m fun to be around

37. who is your favourite music artist?

i like a lot of everything

38. what was your first kiss like?

it was nice beginning to an atrocious end

39. are you a sensitive person?

yeah

40. when was the last time you cried?

today i read that post about Dex-starr from the Red Lantern Corp and i died on the inside

41. do you believe that love can last forever?

yeah

42. what do you think happens to us when we die?

we fuck off into space

43. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

lmao not to my knowledge

44. what do you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night?

regrets and political conversations that make me mad

45. do you believe in aliens?

oh uh only every goddamn day

46. what is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

relied on me

47. do you find it hard to trust?

i try to give benefit of the doubt but i’ve been through a shit show of trust

48. are you secretive?

yeah

49. what colour are your eyes?

Brown

50. do you have a nickname?

BeefyBoy, Saul Beefmann, Poppop, The Boy

[useyourrwords]

Month in Review // So Many Readathons! – April | Part 1

My brain is tired.

This Month in Review post is going to look a little different!

This first post is just going to be about what I read, watched and listened to because… well there’s a lot! I mean it’s mostly books. But like. A lot of fucking books.

Well that’s not entirely true. It’s mostly because I decided to participate in loads of readthons! Not bad for someone who participated in their first ever readathon this year!

And I just couldn’t figure out a way to format things in a more space-efficient way without sacrificing how I like my posts to look. Perfectionism is a curse, honestly.

I didn’t want to put everything in one post because then it would have been v. v. long. and no one has the attention span for that…I sure don’t!

So you can find Part Two for this post as an extra post, outside of my usual blogging schedule, on Thursday!

If you would like to buy any of the following books please consider using my Book Depository Affliate link!

If you click on any of the fan art in this post it will take you to the artist’s page!

           UnsolvedAThon 

*Means that I had books for both clues.

UnsolvedAThon was created by Laura @ The Book Corps!

Clue 1*

[Ryan’s Path] The Search for the Mysterious Mothman – Read a book about a mythical creature or a monster.

[Shane’s Path] The Harrowing Hunt for Bigfoot – Read a book about a mythical creature/monster.

Clue 2

[Shane’s Path] The Strange Disappearance of D.B. Cooper – Read a mystery or thriller book.

│The Rook││

Clue 3

[Shane’s Path] The Haunting of the Salem Witch Trials – Read a book involving witches.

Clue 4

[Shane’s Path] The Horrifying Murders of the Zodiac Killer – Read a retelling.

│Toil & Trouble││

Clue 5

[Shane’s Path] The Secret Society of the Illuminati – Read a book about or involving a secret society.

│The Rook││

Clue 6

[Ryan’s Path] The Enigmatic Death of the Isdal Woman – Read a book involving spies or espionage.

│The Morning Star││

Clue 7

[Ryan’s Path] The Haunting of Hannah Williams – Read a book involving ghosts or spirits.

│City of Ghosts││

Clue 8*

[Ryan’s Path] The Historic Disappearance of Louis Le Prince – Read an unknown book or a book that has less than 500 ratings on Goodreads.

│Rad Girls Can││

[Shane’s Path] The Thrilling Gardner Museum Heist – Read a book involving a heist or thieves.

Clue 9*

[Ryan’s Path] The Haunted Town of Tombstone – Read a book about an outlaw/a group of outlaws.

│The Morning Star││

[Shane’s Path] Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons – Read a collection of short stories/anthology.*

│Toil & Trouble││

Clue 10

[Ryan’s Path] The Odd Vanishing of Amelia Earhart – Read a book with a female main character.

│The Rook││

│Toil & Trouble││

│City of Ghosts││

I did it!

      O.W.L.s TBR

Half way through the month I watched a few O.W.L.s TBR video’s on Youtube and decided I would participate as long as the books I was already reading for the UnsolvedAThon would fit the prompts.

If you don’t know what the O.W.L.s readathon is you can check it out in the link above. It’s basically a readathon created by Gintare @ Book Roast on Youtube so us mere muggles could experience the exams that students at Hogwarts have to experience!

I had initially wanted to join O.W.L.s when I first heard of it in March but brushed it off as impossible since I was already doing a pretty major readathon.

Well it turns out that I could participate without having to read any extra books I hadn’t already decided to read!

I decided to sit my exams for the Professor career. There were quite a few career’s I would have preferred but unfortunately it was required to read the History of Magic prompt, which is a book at least 10 years old and I just didn’t have time to add another book to my TBR. Plus the only books I know I own that meet that requirement are IT and Game of Thrones and fuck that. I definitely don’t have time for those!

For the Professor career you get to choose which subject you want to teach! I would have chosen to be a History of Magic professor but, like I said, none of the books on my TBR fit the prompt. Instead I have chosen Ancient Runes!.. Or maybe astronomy???

I don’t know! I just covered both topics and then I’ll decide when its time for the N.E.W.T.s, a readathon connected to the O.W.L.s, in August! Not being able to choose which subject is very on brand for me.

Ancient Runes 

Read a retelling

│Toil & Trouble││

Arithmancy

Read a work written by more than one author

│Toil & Trouble││

Astronomy

Read a book with Star in the title

│The Morning Star││

Care of Magical Creatures

Read a book with a land animal on the cover

│City of Ghosts││

Charms

Age-line: Read an adult book

│The Rook││

Defence Against the Dark Arts

Reducto: Read a title that starts with R

│Rad Girls Can││

Herbology

Read a book with a plant on the cover

│Toil & Trouble││

Muggle Studies

Read a contemporary

│The Morning Star││

Transfiguration

Read a book with sprayed edges or red Cover

│City of Ghosts││

I did it!

      YA Bookaholics April Readathon 

April 11-15

I decided last minute, again, to participate in another readathon! This one was hosted by the YA Bookaholics group on Goodreads and for that one we kept track of how many pages we read!

I was hoping to read more, but it did kick my butt into gear to finish two books!

Thursday

│Sawkill Girls│61│Toil & Trouble│36│Total 97 Pages│

Friday

│Sawkill Girls│80│Total 80 Pages│

Saturday

│Sawkill Girls│138│Toil & Trouble│53│Total 191 Pages│

  Sunday

│Sawkill Girls│181│Total 181 Pages│

Monday

│The Rook│16│Total 16 Pages│

Grand Total

│565 Pages│

I think I might continue to participate in this reading-sprint style readathon each month, from now on, as it really makes me want to read more! Hopefully next time I’m not working every day of the readathon!

     Unexpected Readathon Time – April 

April 18-22

Destiny @ Howling Libraries hosts unexpected readathons over in her group on Goodreads!

I decided to participate this month since I was already doing so many readathons, what’s another one???

Like the Bookaholics readathon, I chose to keep track of my progress by pages read.

Thursday

│The Rook│69│Total 69 Pages│

Friday

│The Rook│17│City of Ghosts│100│Total 117 Pages│

Saturday

│The Rook│35│City of Ghosts│64│Total 99 Pages│

  Sunday

│The Rook│46│City of Ghosts│121│Total 167 Pages│

Monday

│The Rook│9│Total 9 Pages│

Grand Total

│461 Pages│

Not as good as the Bookaholics one but I still feel like a read a lot! More than I would have otherwise.

     April’s TBR

│I’ve Got This Round││

     Read

│I’ve Got This Round│Mamrie Hart│││││★★★★★│Read Apr 6│

│Rad Girls Can│Kate Schatz││││││★★★★│Read Apr 7│

│Toil & Trouble│Tess Sharpe││││││3.5★│Read Apr 16│

│City of Ghosts│Cassidy Blake #1│Victoria Schwab││││��│★★★★│Read Apr 21│

│The Rook│The Checquy Files #1│Daniel O’Malley││││││★★★★│Read Apr 27│

│The Morning Star│Shadow of the Templar #1│M. Chandler││││││★★★★│Read Apr 30│

I literally read finished this book 3 minutes before midnight.

│Smoke Gets in Your Eyes│Caitlin Doughty││││││

│Murasaki Shikibu│Khutlun│Sayyida Al-Hurra│Mochizuki Chiyome│Doña Ana Lezama De Urinza & Doña Eustaquia De Sonza│Bygone Badass Broads│Mackenzi Lee│││││

│”Stagecoach” Mary Fields│Yennenga│Annie Jump Cannon│Wilma Rudolph│Alfhild│Calafia│Keumalahayati│Marie Marvingt│Iara│Jane Dieulafoy│Rejected Princesses│Jason Porath│││││

Book of the Month

│Sawkill Girls│Claire Legrand│││││││★★★★★│Read Apr 14│

│Average Rating: 4.5★’s│ 5│

Structured TBR Pass or Fail?

│Must Read:  7/5│ 1/1│ 0/0│ 4/2│ 6/3│ 10/10│ 5/5│

│Allowances:  1/1│ 1/1│ 0/0│ 0/0│ 1/2│

     Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

 Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3

       Film & TV

Month’s TBW

│Game of Thrones│Season 2-3││

│The Bold Type│Season 3││

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││

│On My Block│Season 2││

│Captain Marvel││

│Avengers Endgame││

I plan on seeing this with my mum on Mother’s Day!

│Us││

I was going to see this while my car was being serviced but there wasn’t a screening on at the right time for me.

     Watched

│Younger│Season 1-4││2015│ Darren Star│ Sutton Foster, Miriam Shor, Hilary Duff│

There is so much about this show that I don’t like, that annoys me a ridiculous amount and yet…I can’t stop watching it. It’s a problem. And there’s only 12 episodes each season and they’re only 20 minutes each. It’s so easy to put this show on and not think about anything but how stupid the characters are.

Except Maggie. I love Maggie.

│The Bold Type│Season 3││2017│ Sarah Watson│ Katie Stevens, Aisha Dee, Meghann Fahy│

I love this show so fucking much. I was hoping Younger would be just an older version of The Bold Type… And yet The Bold Type shows far more maturity, actually has character growth, and I don’t want to punch any of the main characters which is far more than I can say for Younger.

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││2009│ RuPaul│RuPaul, Michelle Visage│Watching weekly episodes│

I’m still living for this season. I’m glad to see more of Plastique’s personality and Vanjie is still giving me life.

│Game of Thrones│Season 2-5││2011│ David Benioff, D.B. Weiss│ Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Kit Harington│

I—I forgot what an actual shit storm I had to endure. Like I knew. But I forgot how bad it was all the time. It just doesn’t stop. 

But I’m loving making snide smart-ass comments throughout now that I know what happens.

Like bitch, you about to dieeeeeeee.

Fuck your honour, I’d rather survive, to be honest.

Also this re-watch is just a reminder of how fucking much I love Tyrion. And Briene. And Arya. And Sansa, god I love her so much more now. And Podrick, bless him.

Mum and I are getting through the seasons so quickly (thank you Easter weekend!) that now I’m worried we’re gonna finish it before the last season is completely out.

│Captain Marvel││2019│ Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck│ Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn│

I went and saw this with my mum and omg it was sooooooo good.

This was better than Wonder Woman. I would die for Carol Danvers and Fury and his fucking cat.

Also I would fucking love to see grown up Scientist Monica in End Game, kicking ass STEM style.

│Bonding│Season 1││2019│ Rightor Doyle│ Zoe Levin, Brendan Scannell, Kevin Kane │

Youtube

│Ladylike│Devin Shares Her Sexual Assault Story│

I sobbed, like ugly crying, can’t breath, quiet sobbing.

Obviously it’s a very triggering video so please don’t watch it if it’ll harm your mental health!!!! You’re health comes first!

If you’re someone who wants to try and understand what its like for women who experience sexual assault then this is a good video to watch.

│Jessica Kellgren-Fozard│Royal Inbreeding Gone Wrong! (Was It Ever Right?) // Charles II [CC]│Am I Disabled Enough? // ft. Hannah Witton [CC]│LGBTQ+ Relationships Should Be Taught In Schools [CC]│Royal Drama! // How Historically Accurate is Mary Queen of Scots? [CC]│A Lesbian Queen of England!? How Historically Accurate is The Favourite? [CC]│The Bisexual Artist Who Changed The World From Bed // Frida Kahlo [CC]│Deaf, Blind and Awkward // Helen Keller // #DisabilityHistoryMonth [CC]│The deaf princess who became a style icon // Queen Alexandra // #DisabilityHistoryMonth [CC]│

OMG. So i stumbled upon this youtuber ages ago because I saw that she did a video on how historically accurate The Favourite was and I was panning to watch that movie. So I watched it and then forgot about Jessica’s video but she popped up in my feed again and so I spent almost the entire last day of the month binge watching her videos when i should have been doing food shopping.

Anyway I love her, she’s disabled, and super gay and vintage and really outspoken about being disabled and super gay and I love her.

She is also someone who makes learning history really fucking fun. Her Royal Inbreeding Gone Wrong! video is especially funny and she also has a video on disabled & queer historical figures and a video on how historically accurate the Mary Queen of Scots movie is!

A lot of her videos are closed captioned (not just the predicted captions, like actually people sat down and took the time to create accurate captions for her videos) and I super appreciate it as someone with audio processing issues and a mum who can’t sleep with any volume above like a 5. You can tell which ones by the [CC] in the title!

She’s amazing and if you’re going to check out any new youtubers in the immediate future, it should be Jessica.

     Music

│YUNGBLUD│11 Minutes + Halsey│Loner│Falling Skies + Charlotte Lawrence│

│Dodie│Burned Out│

│Troye Sivan + Lauv│i’m so tired…│

│Steve Aoki│Waste It on Me + BTS│

│Billie Eilish│idontwannabeyouanymore│bury a friend│bad guy│you should see me in a crown│all the good girls go to hell│

│Ariana Grande│NASA│fake smile│

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

I’m honestly in Game of Thrones Overload

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

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[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #4: "I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org" - Brian

So.... BC quit. Don't know why (and I am not gonna enquire, I just know he is hella busy). But ya I don't know what this means going forward but im gonna roll with it. If i'm not flexible, then that is not a good winner. so ya looking forward toi see whatever happens, and if Madigan go to tribal again, all i know is that i will still be safe cause james and I will just get Keaton involved

I’m SHOCKED BC quit because I thought I was going home lmao so now I have no idea what the hell is gonna happen I’m praying we swap tbh so I can meet up with Brian or Bryce who I know sbsbsbs.

Okay I'm super sad BC quit. They seemed like such a sweetheart. And I always hate to see anybody quit. I'm usually kind of annoyed about quitters but I hope BC is all good and it was just because they were busy... :(

This game has been really good to our tribe. We havent gone to tribal. I have a majority alliance of 4. Everyone is active and does 100% on the challenges. Its been good. Havent had much luck in idol hunt tho so probably someone already found it. Still nervous for the challenge. I want to keep winning but the bad thing in the eyes for the other tribe.

The game is always changing... and someone quitting just shows how quickly everything can change in the game. Plans set forward destroyed... alliances ruined just due to what the game might throw at you at any given time. It’s always scary but you know what... sometimes you gotta look at something bad and say hey let’s test my gameplay a little bit... that is what I’m good at and that is what I plan to do!

So we have swapped. and im not with james. This is hateful huh. first bc quitting today and now this. fuck this. and im with marie and keaton as well. ffs. oh well. time to get socialising and do this shit!

I KNEW A SWAP WAS COMING!!! I felt it deep in my bones. Do sharks have bones? I actually don't think they do. Oh well. I KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING. Obviously I'm super nervous now because I was in a great spot before. But luckily I still have my #1 Brian. And Charlie who is a part of my Four of a Kind alliance and he has an idol. Plus Anna and I hopefully can work together like we have in other games. I just hope she trusts me. Ugh and I freaking hope we win this challenge. Because OG Dinah members definitely have a target as the last intact tribe. SO much is going on in my little gay brain.

Okay my brain is going a mile a minute with this swap. I'm reconnecting with Anna. She seems excited to see me and she told me she isn't super close with Jayden or Nick so that's amazing. I told Brian about Charlie's idol. So this is good. We're surviving.

omg so we swapped and im so sad nathan isnt here but thats about it. happy to be away from jayden since he IGNORES me. when i read these after the game im gonna seem so obsessed huh KJDFSHFAKSJD. but anyway. dennis is here and hes one of my fave ppl ever! hes just so nice. we shared idol guesses and i really wanna go to the end with him. matt is pretty cool and we both stan the good place and naomi smalls so i feel like we'll be good allies. marie is a queen and super nice but maybe not super active but we both love ari so yay. naptime maynor isnt really liking my humor JKASDHF but thats ok. and kirby guy is alright too!! nicole seems nice enough if not a little standoffish but hoping for the best :s love this tribe overrall tho and really hoping to avoid tribal

I got ZType for the duels! Blessed. I can do well in this game and I can't be the reason our tribe loses in the RARE chance we do. So i'm feeling okay.

Too annoyed to write too much right now. But yet another org, and yet another swap fuck! Honestly, this is ridiculous. We have three members on either 7 person tribe, and even if we do manage to succeed in surviving another non-dinah is going to replace the voted out member... you can't make this shit up.

I knew the swap was coming. But im with Dennis which is good. He has some connections with Bryce and Nicole so hopefully they work with us. Keaton is also here like oh Boi. 👀 going to see if he wants to work with me this time. Having him around could help me in this game.

James quits by leaving the server and ignoring everyone.

https://gph.is/1neigCU my mood at my initial alliance members both qutiing time to die?

Ok so Klick quit which is kinda upsetting cuz I was grinding tf outta that challenge and I lowkey played a game with him about a year and a half ago and kinda wanted to reconnect. BUT Nathan is now on the tribe which is like the nest possible scenario. Also we have Anna so hopefully we have an easy majority. Also I assume Dennis has began running the game over on the other tribe because he is great and will probably end up voting me out at f9 or something. But YAY F14 IM NOT OUT YET ANSNSKDKLZLXKC

MY IMPACT?  I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org to save Charlie from doing Multitask and then James had a fit because he got it and was sleeping so he couldn't pick... I... can't believe how I'm WINNING this game?  Anna, I hope you get my winner's crown READY because I'm doing the damn thing!  I am sorry I made him quit because I didn't think he would kjHDAJK... but wow...

Although I am in the minority right now based on tribal lines, Nathan is someone I've wanted to work with for like eons, and I feel so much more comfortable with him on my tribe than James and letting Annabelle hold my fate in her hands.  I think I have an upward battle, but I know Charlie has the idol and will warn Sharky in the case I need Charlie to use it on himself.  The two from my OG tribe I got stuck with is by far the only two from Dinah that I would go out of my way to protect in this game and knowing Charlie has the idol... ugh... I don't even have to DO anything and tea gets served to me.  Love Sharky.. love Charlie.. love Nathan... can't wait to thrive in this game now!

So the swap, i thought would have been really bad for us original dinah people but so far it looks like we might pull through. Nicole told by Dennis to me that she is willing to work with us but im a little sketch because she hasnt really responds to me exept like one message and then it stops. Im trying to get info from keaton and see if he wants to work with me. I have to keep an eye on him cuz he’s messy af. 👀 I think we could be a strong tribe so hopefully we win the next immunity. I rather have my no going to tribal streak going. I need to start talking to our new tribe members as well.

well james left so we got nathan i'm not upset about it i love nathan he's my person this game i think and we swapped with sharky on the tribe and i just played with sharky and we're in majority so things are really looking up here for me tbvh i feel like sharky might want to get rid of one of my OG tribe people but we'll see how it goes.

This game is weird man. I was so ready to play 2048, but Kirby Boi #2 was a quitter, so now I'm not playing 2048, both people I trusted QUIT, and Dennis is on my tribe. I am going to lose really soon. But hopefully I can find an in on my tribe and survive.

i just want an advantage. but oh so now 4/5 of my tribe is together and im just here.. love that! not sarcastic!! miss nathan tho! so far clicking with dennis still and naptime. hes a true carly rae jepsen fan i asked his fave and he said sour candy which is like (bad) but not well known so he must actually like her!! nicole left me on read.. love that! sarcastic!! and yaa wooh loving the new tribe that guy who quit bc of multitask kind of a flop but go off now im closer to merge!

This morning finding out that James was removed was suprising. It sucks cuz i was enjoying doing the ztype. I got to 7,100 which i think its good but idk if it actually was. But im ready for this challenge and hopefully we could win in it. Definately dont want to go to tribal.

Okay Nathan is AMAZING. I love him. And I'm totally going to work with him for sure. i'm so glad he didn't flop. And Honestly I'm glad James quit so that I could work with Nathan. This lip sync challenge is going to be silly. I offered to do the editing which honestly is a big undertaking but I like to be in control and It's definitely going to paint a target on my back but if we win it'll be so great.

OMG SO FUN CHALLENGE THAT I HATE WOOH. i love this but i hate it. idk. i REALLY dont want to do a queen song so i pretended to not know who they are NNN but all that caused was my tribemates shading me... and its like... matt says beyonce is just "ok" and i need to listen to real music.??? just say u hate women and go. JK. maybe. but ANYWAYS. love dennis still and naptime is so funny love his pins! nicole left me on read some more so i sent her demi lovatos GET BACK music video and she finally responded with two 5 word msgs and ghosted again so um really loving that! kirby guy also doesnt reply a lot but thats ok totally loving only talking to 4 ppl!

edit: quitters are shitters

Our song is Dont stop me now by queen which is awesome. I just need to find the time to work on it later today or tomorrow morning but have an idea what imma do so thats good. Still talking to keaton but no game talk it. Hopefully soon because im still feeling sketch on this tribe. I dont wanna get voted out pre-merge. *knocks on wood* ✊🌳

Making the video was really fun. Had more fun and felt more comfortable after making the ones before were i wasnt as comfortable. This is one of my fav comps now. Cant wait to see how it turns out.

UM?? I'm CACKLING?? So Sharky showed me the clips he got from Nick and Jayden, and I'm just so confused how straight men get any sort of action when they're as stiff as them?  I mean I guess they're not ugly so that probably helps, but neither of them are good at using a camera... So I'm just SO ...

I have nothing else to talk about other than how fucking STIFF the straight men are in their lip sync videos, so whew... love visibility…

worst comp for me ever like i was fine doing 2048 i could have probably helped with that but like a music video? YIKES that's not my thing at all i didn't know what to do or what to help especially since i'm so not gonna get on camera >.< i hate being useless if we lose like ugh lmfao

Okay so this challenge was...a disaster. I asked everyone to just do the song and then I'd make it look good with editing. That didn't work out. And I had more trouble editing than i thought. I feel like I dropped the ball and I'm not sued to being someone holding my tribe back. I tried to hide our bad lipsyncers. Charlie got sick. And something happened in the rush of uploading it that gave me a weird crop and a couple of cuts that I screwed up but I ran out of time. I'm feeling really disappointed in myself.

Okay we lost. This sucks. two of the judges called out the edit/effort specifically so that doesn't feel great. But I'm going to look at this as a positive. Maynor and Dennis stay safe on the other tribe. And Now I can use this to make some real connections and alliances on this tribe. Like Chad Michaels I will rise from the ashes and be the gayest winningest phoenix you have ever seen.

Ok so me Nathan and Nick should really stick with Annabelle. Easy majority makes easy game which makes happy Jayden

So we lost the challenge, but I don't feel too... bad about that.  I mean if I go home, clearly I fucked the fuck up and felt too confident... but I think that I feel... good?

Firstly, thank you to the judges for recognizing my SNAP in the lip sync.  I wasn't sure they were going to do my rap in the challenge, so I'm glad it was in there hehe... Now... going to tribal is a part of the game and the strategy has been lacking up till now, so I'm excited to jump in and finally explore that part of the game.  It'll be a nice start to my resume, following accidentally make James quit LMFAO.

Right now, I think I'm in a solid spot.  Nick said he wouldn't vote for me and I mean.. we haven't talked much, but I expect him to not lie for no reason... and I'm going to make sure to increase our conversation and expand on what HE wants to happen to just have that tea under my belt.  I think Jayden is who I would like gone, and I think I'd be able to gather the votes to get that to happen.  It's not like I have anything against him personally, but I just feel it's hardest to talk to him because him and I are not alike from what I've gathered.  I'm the uber gay and for the uber gay and the Travis Scott fanboy to get along?  Would be shocking.

I like Annabelle and Nathan a lot and I don't think they'd throw votes for me.  I have my little final 2 deal going on with Nathan, but highkey I don't think I'd keep him as my #1 over Marie, if I get to the point where I meet with her, so I have no problem cutting him or Annabelle in the future.  I do think it'd be better to work WITH them, especially for now, and I think they feel similar sentiments, but I don't know for sure!

But now we come to the real people I would like to protect going into this vote, Charlie and Sharky.  I love my OG Dinah babies so much, and I will make sure their names aren't the targets of this vote.  I think Sharky has set himself up well, and since he told me Charlie has the idol, I think we should especially be OK.  I also think Annabelle and Nathan seemingly want to work with us, so .... whew...

ALSO, this is a mid-confessional update, but 2 alliances were formed.  We have the "Tea Party" alliance with Sharky, me, and Nathan (the gays) and then the "Dinah Dudes" alliance with Charlie, Sharky, and me (OG Dinah's) and then I think another sub-alliance with the "Tea Party" and Annabelle is coming to fruition, so kjHDKAS... ya... I think I'm SET.  I can't wait to wreck shit!

So we swapped tribes and here I am with 3 from my original tribe, 3 from the other tribe and Bryce from the third tribe. Bryce and I know each other, and by that I mean I just blindsided him another org... oops! Hopefully he doesn’t come after me but who knows because I literally did not participate in this challenge at all! We still won though so hopefully I’ll get to redeem myself in the next one

My arms are SORE from pulling all my best Freddie Mercury moves out for this lip sync, I am SO tired. But I honestly am so glad i gave my 100% effort because I truly needed to pull through for this tribe and show them I’m not just a sitting duck. (Is that the term? Idk.)

Either way I’m glad we all got to bond through this and here’s to being safe ANOTHER round (I’ve never gone to tribal so wooooo!)

i want an IDOL or sth. but um dennis is so fun love that man. always asks daily to work with me. like idk how many times i have to tell him that he is literally the only person on this tribe to pm me first without me having to (NOT EXAGGERATION). marie and matt? no reply from marie in like 30 hours and matt hasnt been talking to me since i said idk queen. kirby guy? replies with 1 word answers and taste in music offends me NNN. nicole? who. all she does is ignore me and like somtimes she replies and ill reply in the SAME LIKE 10 SECONDS, and she'll just leave me on read JKADSFHAKSJ. comes back like 9 hours later with no reasoning on why she stopped talking and with just a "hi", and thats if im lucky! idk i hope we swap soon or merge. like the whole preswap i was praying for a swap to find some good allies bc all i had was nathan really, and now i just have dennis. maybe by merge ill have a whole 3 allies??? oh wait theres um maynor hes cool i always have to pm him first but hes at least responsive and can hold a conversation! black bear diner goes off and i WILL be eating there the next time in houston

We lost, which was hardly surprising when I saw the other tribe's video lol. So now it's not looking good for us dinahs... but luckily I have the idol up my sleeve hehe. Gonna tell Brian and Sharky so that we can use it to save us…

I was so happy that we won immunity. Stil feeling a little sketch on this tribe. Injust hope that the vote isnt charlie, brian, or sharky. And especially sharky cuz he’s my duo. Now dennis, nicole, and i are the only 3 to not go to tribal yet. Its pretty awesome amd kinda scary.

https://youtu.be/BfzG9xjtCRw

Down with the straights!  I still think Jayden is going, but if Charlie ends up going I'm JUMPING because that means I've been lied to by people that want to claim to be my final 2... I do trust in Jayden going but we shall SEE!

So the tribe lost and I’m a bit nervous because I’ve only heard one name... I would have loved to saved my idol until I needed it but I think it’s very likely my name could be the second one going around... we shall see what happens though.

Ugh okay so I was hoping for a simple easy vote. But as usual there is just a little bit of drama. Nick told Anna/Nathan that he has a legacy advantage to be used at F13/F6 which is trash because that means if we lose next time he'll use that and be safe. But if we vote him out he'll gift it to Jayden and we have the same problem. Plus Charlie is wigging out because he has a bad feeling about the vote, which is totally fair because he isn't talking very much. And Nick told Anna her name got thrown out which is just untrue. This is just kind of messy and not in a cute way.

Jayden is voted out 5-2.

[yourheartisthreesizestoobig]

1-200 😄

Y'all suck200: My crush’s name is: X (I don’t currently have one)
199: I was born in: Washington D.C
198: I am really: sleepy 
197: My cellphone company is: Verizon 
196: My eye color is: blue
195: My shoe size is: 6
194: My ring size is: 4.5
193: My height is: 5'1
192: I am allergic to: oh god literally all of nature, gluten, eggs, pineapple, cats, dogs
191: My 1st car was: Volvo 
190: My 1st job was: babysitting 
189: Last book you read: The Widow
188: My bed is: a full? 
187: My pet: 3 cats ( my cat is coco and she’s fat and adorable)
186: My best friend: hannah 
185: My favorite shampoo is: head and shoulders? 
184: Xbox or ps3: neither 
183: Piggy banks are: great
182: In my pockets: chopstick
181: On my calendar: work and doctors appointments 
180: Marriage is: a lifelong commitment 
179: Spongebob can: make you dumber
178: My mom: is the best even though sometimes we drive each other nuts 
177: The last three songs I bought were? Two heads, Church bells, and sleepover 
176: Last YouTube video watched: probably something on buzzfeed 
175: How many cousins do you have? 7
174: Do you have any siblings? Yes one sister
173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 
172: Are you taller than your mom? We're the same height 
171: Do you play an instrument? Piano and guitar
170: What did you do yesterday? spend time with my mom ( it was Mother’s Day)[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: no
168: Luck: no 
167: Fate: yes
166: Yourself: yes 
165: Aliens: yes 
164: Heaven: maybe 
163: Hell: no
162: God: yes 
161: Horoscopes: no, but I like them 
160: Soul mates: yes 
159: Ghosts: yes 
158: Gay Marriage:YES WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION 
157: War: no 
156: Orbs: no 
155: Magic: no [ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs
153: Drunk or High: drunk 
152: Phone or Online: phone 
151: Red heads or Black haired: black hair 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 
149: Hot or cold: cold 
148: Summer or winter: summer 
147: Autumn or Spring: spring 
146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 
145: Night or Day: NIGHT
144: Oranges or Apples: apples 
143: Curly or Straight hair: straight 
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonald’s 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk
140: Mac or PC: PC
139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops 
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: coke 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: cremated 
134: Singing or Dancing: neither. I’m so bad at both 
133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel?
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Kat
131: Small town or Big city: big city 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: target 
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben stiller 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure 
127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: Yankees [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: it’s horrible and should be avoided whenever possible 
121: George Bush: he’s an idiot who hired really terrible people to be his advisors, but he’s not a bad person at heart. 
120: Gay Marriage: it should be legal everywhere 
119: The presidential election: what the fuck is wrong with Americans. We elected a mad man 
118: Abortion: pro choice
117: MySpace: never had one 
116: Reality TV: it’s kinda of a waste of time 
115: Parents: love mine 
114: Back stabbers: they aren’t worth your time 
113: Ebay: great way to buy and sell shit
112: Facebook: nice to stay in touch with people, don’t post much 
111: Work: wish I didn’t have to do it 
110: My Neighbors: they’re great 
109: Gas Prices: meh? They’re not bad right now 
108: Designer Clothes: usually a waste of money 
107: College: it’s too fucking expensive!!!!!
106: Sports: they need to take a stronger stance against domestic violence 
105: My family: love to hate them 
104: The future: not sure. It’s scary [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: an hour ago 
102: Last time you ate: 20 minutes 
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 2 days 
100: Cried in front of someone: January? 
99: Went to a movie theater: April 
98: Took a vacation: I’m currently on summer break :)
97: Swam in a pool: does a hot tub count? If so, December, if not I have no clue 
96: Changed a diaper: January 
95: Got my nails done: may of last year 
94: Went to a wedding: last May 
93: Broke a bone: last January 
92: Got a peircing: it will be two years ago in August ( I got my nose pierced for my 18th birthday) 
91: Broke the law: today when I went 40 in a 30
90: Texted: half-hour ago[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: Annabelle 
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat 
87: The last movie I saw: the proposal 
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: seeing my friends this summer 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: working 
84: People call me: soph, Sophie, Sophia 
83: The most difficult thing to do is: motivate myself to study 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 
81: My zodiac sign is: Leo 
80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom 
79: First time you had a crush: on a girl? High school, on a boy? I was like 6
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: hannah 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: this morning 
76: Right now I am talking to: Hannah 
75: What are you going to do when you grow up:
 Lawyer or a FBI agent 74: I have/will get a job: as a therapist maybe?
73: Tomorrow: I will clean my room 
72: Today: I cleaned my sisters room 
71: Next Summer: I will travel and visit friends 
70: Next Weekend: I will babysit 
69: I have these pets: 3 cats 
68: The worst sound in the world: someone I love crying 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my sister
66: People that make you happy: hannah, Emmy, Ashley, Isabelle, Annabelle, Kim, Liv 
65: Last time I cried: months ago 
64: My friends are: amazing, I’m so lucky to have them 
63: My computer is: a touch screen 
62: My School: Smith College
61: My Car: Volvo 
60: I lose all respect for people who: are willing to do anything to get ahead 
59: The movie I cried at was: I can’t remember 
58: Your hair color is: light brown 
57: TV shows you watch: madam secretary, law and order svu, suits, black mirror 
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr? 
55: Your dream vacation: on a beach with no responsibilities and my friends 
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: after getting my tonsils out 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium well
52: My room is: pretty clean 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Angelina Jolie 
50: Where would you like to be: with my friends 
49: Do you want children: I want to adopt them 
48: Ever been in love: nope 
47: Who’s your best friend: hannah 
46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: making someone else’s day better 
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Ashley 
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: kinda? 
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: yup 
41: Have you pre-named your children: nope 
40: Last person I got mad at: my sister 
39: I would like to move to: New York City 
38: I wish I was a professional: organizer [ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: anything gummy 
36: Vehicle: Tesla 
35: President: Obama 
34: State visited: Arizona 
33: Cellphone provider: Verizon 
32: Athlete: Selena Williams 
31: Actor: the guy from the proposal ( I can’t remember his name, he’s also dead pool)
30: Actress: Angelina Jolie 
29: Singer: Hayley Kiyoko
28: Band: panic! At the disco 
27: Clothing store: anthropologie 
26: Grocery store: Whole Foods 
25: TV show: NCIS 
24: Movie: good will hunting 
23: Website: amazon
22: Animal: elephant 
21: Theme park: six flags 
20: Holiday: Christmas 
19: Sport to watch: hockey 
18: Sport to play: rock climb 
17: Magazine: National Geographic 
16: Book: to kill a mockingbird 
15: Day of the week: Friday 
14: Beach: the Cayman Islands 
13: Concert attended: Matt Nathanson 
12: Thing to cook: pesto pasta 
11: Food: watermelon 
10: Restaurant: a family run sushi place near me 
9: Radio station: country 
8: Yankee candle scent: anything citrus 
7: Perfume: something light and clean 
6: Flower: anything purple 
5: Color: blue 
4: Talk show host: jimmy Kimmel 
3: Comedian: the guy who used to host the tonight show 
2: Dog breed: new Finland 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yup!