#failing exams sucks but it's not the end of the world

[natasha-in-space]

hii! can you write an imagine about seven comforting you after failing an exam? I think it's be super cute 🥺

To say you were devastated would be like saying nothing at all. So many gruelling nights were spent hunched over at your desk, putting everything you had into memorizing every bit of useful info you could possibly get your hands on. It was exhausting and at times outright unbearable. Still, regardless of how tough your studying sessions would get, you grit your teeth and pulled through it all, determined to prove not only to others but to yourself as well, that you could do it on your own.

Perhaps, putting this much pressure on yourself wasn't a good idea from the very beginning, but it's hard to see clearly when you've got piles and piles of work to get through. Sometimes, even finding a single minute to just breath and rest your eyes was something you couldn't achieve. To realize that all that hard work was for nothing... It felt like the weight of the entire world came crashing down right onto your shoulders.

You managed to keep yourself together at first, putting on a fake smile and waving off all concern coming your way from your friends, pushing the bitter tears into the darkest corners of your mind and continuing on with your day as if nothing was wrong.

You didn't want others to pity you right now.

Though, all that self-resolve came crashing down once you finally made your way to the bunker, barely gathering up enough strength in your trembling legs to step over the doorstep. You knew that you had to bring up the news to Saeyoung, whether you wanted to or not. You couldn't hide this from him, now when he spent these past few days never once leaving your side, always encouraging you and reminding you to take care of yourself with a warm glint in his amber eyes. You'll have to look him straight in the eyes and come face to face with your failure.

And this exact realization was what finally broke the camel's back. All the emotions you skillfully avoided and pushed away throughout this horrendous day came flooding back in a form of ugly tears burning at your eyes as you were completely helpless to stop them now. Shortly after the first tear have wet your cheek, a choked up sob wrecked your entire body as you slowly slid onto the floor, hiding your face in your hands and attempting to muffle the sounds of your crying to the best of your abilities, even if you knew that it won't be long until you will be found.

You were a complete mess and you hated every single second of this pathetic display.

"Y/N? Oh my God, are you okay!?"

Your head snapped into the direction from which your partner's voice came through, laced with worry and fear, only for you to realize that he was much closer to you than you were initially anticipating. You must have didn't notice him come running through all that whimpering and sniffling. Saeyoung was kneeling right in front of you, his expression full of concern and alarm. You couldn't really blame him for thinking of the worst possible scenario, considering the situation.

What a joke it was that you were having a full on breakdown just because of a stupid test.

"Saeyoung-" You managed to choke out through all the ugly hiccuping, trying to hurriedly wipe away the teary mess on your face, only for more tears to come out the longer you thought of your exam. "It's fine. I'm fine. I'm just being stupid. I-I didn't want to worry you."

He merely shook his head with a slight frown slowly adorning his face, reaching out to gently grab hold of your trembling hands into his own and carefully pulling them away from your face.

"You're not being stupid, and it's clearly not fine at all. I'm just glad to see that you're not hurt. When I heard you crying, I just... thought of the worst, I guess. Sorry for pressuring you, starshine." He explained patiently, not a single sign of annoyance in his quite voice as he instead took a seat on the floor beside you, not touching you directly in any way, but still making a point of him being there in case you'd want to lean on him. "Now tell me, what happened...?"

"The exam..." The words felt like poison as they flew off your tongue, making you hide your face in between your knees in response to the shame filling your every thought like a disgusting parasite who's only purpose was to cause you even more suffering. "I failed it. I worked so hard and I sacrificed so much of my time, and I put everything I had into it, and I still failed. And even after all that, instead of just accepting my failure, all I do is just- cry about it like a complete moron!"

You could hear a small gasp of surprise at your words from where he was sitting beside you. Saeyoung knew just how hard you worked for that test more than anyone else. He saw firsthand how you put your all into your studies, determined to get the right result, even at the expense of your own health at times. You were too scared to look up and see the disappointment in his eyes, so you just dug your fingers into your knees, trying your best to stop the trembling that came as a result of your petty tears.

"Oh, Y/N..." He sighed, this time, slowly putting his arms around you in a light hug, clearly waiting for your reaction to make sure that you weren't against such close physical contact right now. And regardless of how angry with yourself you really felt, you were helpless against his comforting scent and warmth welcoming you into their embrace so openly. So, you pressed up against his chest, curling up into him, as if you were trying to hide from the whole world inside of his arms, to which he did not object whatsoever, instead squeezing you tightly and starting to carefully caress your head without saying a single word and just letting you cry for as long as you needed to.

A couple of silent moments have passed as your sobbing gradually subsided, before he spoke up again, leaning down just enough to place a long and tender kiss onto the top of your head. "Please don't talk so badly about yourself just because of this one test, okay? You're not a moron for feeling upset... Of course you're crying: you've worked so hard and put yourself under so much pressure to succeed, only to not get the results you wanted! It's okay to cry, and it's okay to feel bad about this. You're not a robot to just brush away every single bad thing and move on with your life like nothing happened. I mean, do you remember just how much of a mess I was when we were in Rika's apartment? Back then, you told me to give myself time. So, do the same thing for yourself, starshine. You're not a failure and you're definitely not stupid. For me, you're the most amazing person in the entire universe... and my judgement of people is usually correct, just so you know."

You gave out a small giggle through your tears, unable to help yourself despite your somber mood. "You're such a dork sometimes..."

Saeyoung chucked in response, his soft laughter radiating through his chest right into your ear where it was pressed up against him. "Yeah, well, I'm your dork, forever and always."

He carefully shifted on the floor, just enough so that he could get a good look at your tearstricken face. This time, as you've calmed down a little, you didn't feel the need to hide yourself from him, so when he cupped your face into his warm hands, you just let him, pursing your lips into a thin line.

"Just please don't forget that I'm here for you, always. Even if you just hit your toe and want someone to nurse you back to health, I'll be there in half a second speed. So, don't think that your troubles are not worth my time, Y/N." He placed his forehead onto your own, closing his eyes and letting a gentle smile stretch the corners of his lips upright. You were too mesmerized to do that same, too transfixed on his comforting words and loving touch. "I know you better than anyone else in this entire world. You're so hardworking and intelligent, sometimes in such ways that I never thought were even possible. Your grades don't speak for even a fraction of your worth in this world, so don't let them define you. You continue to amaze me every single day, and I refuse a single bad grade to take that away both from me and from you."

"...That's easier said than done, but I do see what you mean, love. I'll... try to be kinder to myself in the future. I wouldn't want you to badmouth yourself like that, so I guess... It's only fair for you to feel the same, right?" You sigh, finally feeling like you can breathe freely once again.

"Then it's a good thing that we've got each other in this boss battle against our inner demons! Now, come on. I'll get a warm bath running for you. After so much stress, you should really take it easy and just relax for the rest of the day. Just so you know, Doctor Choi won't take no for an answer!"

You snickered, nudging him in a chest with your arm. "Only if Doctor Choi will join me."

[plasticsandwich]

FINISIHHEDDDDDDDDD ALL MY REPORTS AND ASSIGNMENTS

[voidhope]

The Other Woman

—

Synopsis: Where Miguel leaves Y/N to go back to a different version of his old wife found in another universe.

Pair: Miguel O’Hara x Spider!Reader

Tags: ANGST!!, long term established relationship, heartbreak, marriage, cheating, mental health, cold/distant Miguel

—

A/N: Hi! I don’t really write at all!!

I have been a silent reader on tumblr for years but this idea has been playing in my mind so much I had the urge to write it. I have been down so bad for Miguel been on his tag like 24/7 indulging in all the content creators have been putting out. So I’m excited to join in giving content, however keep in mind I kinda suck! Apologies for any mistakes, anything confusing, or it not being well written enough. Honestly could have made this into multiple parts with better details but nah. Tried my best ^^ since it’s my first time, any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Honestly tbh we all don’t have a solid grasp how the whole canon thing and multi universe works yet so!! A lot of what is written is made up to suit my storyline so please don’t get mad about the inaccuracies.

I love a good angst and today’s story will be EXTRAAA angsty!!! As well kinda long!!

—————————————————

The moment that changed your life was while working on an experiment during your college finals. You were a proud and gifted physics major that was so passionate about discovering and exploring what the world didn’t know.

You had snuck into Alchemax late at night. You wanted to show your professors just how much you could do with the right tools. Next thing you know, playing with their machines, you had spawned a spider right in-front of you. The glowing vibrant red spider had sunk its jaw into your hand.

Your life did a complete turn and you spent the rest of that week freaking out while changes to your body were happening. Causing you to fail your semester after missing exams. Things felt like it could only get worse when a massive blue suited masked man showed up out of nowhere in your dorm interrogating you.

“Where’s the spider?” He had a strong grip on your shoulders. You couldn’t focus while trying to process why this man had what seemed like claws sticking out of the ends of his fingers.

“I don’t know, it like died after it bit me!” You exclaimed nervously at the freakishly strong man. Trying to reach for anything behind you to use as a defense weapon.

“Dios mío no me digas eso…” He groaned loudly letting you go. Having the opportunity to grab something, you threw a sanrio plushie at him. Only causing him to wave his arms in annoyance. “That spider is from my earth and somehow you brought it here. Now you’re a spider-man.”

And the rest is history…

—

You learned that the man was Miguel O’Hara and when he found you he was just starting his missions with the multiverse. You being the few of the firsts to join his team.

Your situation was quite bizarre and he called you an anomaly for a long time, spending hours studying you and also training you. You ended up being the one case that can’t be explained no matter how much effort was put into monitoring you.

Almost like it was meant to be. Your universe remained perfect with its current spider-man doing fine. No big collapse of a black hole or anything. When you got bit by a spider from Earth-928 your DNA merged with that universe making you fit in perfectly. You were one of the only spider-people with an uncertain timeline with new canons being created depending on what universe you were in.

What changed from you being just a piece of research for Miguel is when he then realized that maybe you were a gift from the multiverse. After all the grief and pain he’d went through the universe had given him this person that worked out perfectly no matter how hard he tried to push them away. You fell head over heels for him and vice versa, all while canon events were being created with both of you together.

You were there as his team grew, slowly turning into a family. Then both of you getting married finalizing that this was your home. Everything felt perfect. Although a relationship with Miguel could have its up and down days, nothing could ever tear you both apart. Or so you assumed.

—

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Miguel couldn’t look at you.

“When did this start? Please be honest with me. Did I do something wrong?” You begged at him. You knew he was acting off recently but never did you think it would result to this.

You watched as he exhaled deeply staring at the ground. You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you studied his face trying to grasp onto any emotion he was showing. The atmosphere in his office felt so cold. You so badly wanted to catch his gaze and find the warmth and love his red irises used to give you. He was doing everything to push you away. He was abandoning you.

“You did nothing wrong. I met her during a mission 4 months ago.” Was all he replied.

“Who is she?” Your heart kept breaking. His face hardening as the question slipped through your lips. You knew Miguel wouldn’t leave you for just anyone. Deep in your heart you knew what this was about. He never responded but he didn’t need to when you saw his eyes flicker over to his monitor screens. You followed his trace and saw the photo of Gabriella in the corner.

“Does she have another version of your daughter?” You tried again. This is what made him look directly at you. Miguel kept opening and closing his month unsure how to tell you the truth. You weren’t stupid and he knew that. After everything he couldn’t just walk out on you with a lie.

“No.” He paused thinking of how to finally share the truth without it ruining you. There was no way out of this. “She is a younger version of herself. There is no Miguel in her universe and she’s not important to the timeline. She lives a regular life. I-it’s a chance for me to start at the very beginning.”

You felt your heart being ripped out of your chest. You processed the words carefully. She doesn’t have a child yet… Not only was he leaving you for her but he was going to fall in love with her all over again and start a family with her. A family you wanted so badly to have with him.

“What about with what happened last time you tried to live a life in a different universe?” You didn’t understand how this was happening.

He was always so carful he would never do anything to cause that again. Everything you had witness Miguel work so hard for to keep safe for years. Sleepless nights, returning bruised and beaten, frustrations and constant stress. Was it all for nothing? Is he throwing all his work away?

“This is different.” He turned away from you. “I pushed myself then into an already established life. This time I am creating that life. After all the research we did on you…” He knew that this was going to tear you apart. “I learned that if done right I could have a child from two different universes that won’t disrupt anything.”

It clicked to you then that all the research he was doing on you lately was for this. The research he did on you that time was different, personal, intimate even. As he was testing your DNAs together and seeing the outcomes. He mentioned a child and you were foolish enough to assume he was doing research to see what it would be like if you both had one together. You were giddy even as you watched him work. You had both spoken about having a family together in the past but had been too busy with spider activities. You thought it was a sign of him getting more serious about it, knowing how badly he wanted one. You would have never thought he was doing it to see how he could get back his previous child. The one you could never give him.

You had truly believe that Miguel had recovered from his obsession that his grief gave him. He accidentally destroyed a whole universe needing that life back so badly. You had spent late nights watching him re-watch clips over and over of what he had lost. It slowly stopped once your relationship blossomed with him and you thought he was ready to move on and start new. Why would you have never thought that with such a perfect opportunity presented to him that he wouldn’t drop everything for it.

“I think it’s best that you leave.” He spoke with a soft tone. As if not looking at you any longer will make the problem go away. You couldn’t wrap your mind around how he was just throwing you away like this. As if he wasn’t making you dinner, giving soft kisses, whispering I-love-you’s not so long ago.

You felt too choked up to ask anymore questions. Your throat tight and painful as you held back tears from escaping in-front of Miguel. You just nodded and headed straight out the door not being able to handle another second in that room. Your knees and hands were shaky as you speed walked into the nearest bathroom and let it all out.

—

It didn’t take long for everyone else to know something had happened. Everyone had gotten used to seeing you and him sitting together at lunch. You would make him cute lunch boxes and everyone would gag a bit while watching the two of you smile together. Some cringing seeing their scary boss being so soft around you. It was a big surprise when Miguel started to eat alone with a bag of take out food and you no where to be seen.

His teams he sent out for missions were all confused when you weren’t assigned to anything. Knowing you were one of the best, one of them slipped out a “Call for Y/N!” In the middle of fighting an anomaly too strong for them. Miguel only looked away.

It wasn’t until a new woman showed up in Miguel’s office with a grip around his waist. That’s when the spider-community realized that this was way worse than they thought.

—

You on the other hand had spilled everything to Hobie when he caught you that day leaving the bathroom with puffy eyes. You had been staying with him in his universe until you could gather yourself together to return to HQ. You knew you were going to leave for good, but you needed to go back to retrieve all your things. You couldn’t stay with Hobie forever. Worse that you weren’t from there.

You still had some hope that Miguel would come looking for you and tell you that he was all wrong. However almost two months had passed and not a word from him… That’s when you knew it was time you should return to what you once knew.

Stepping into the portal Hobie followed close behind you. He told the few others who were once close to both you and Miguel that you would be visiting. Stepping through the portal you were immediately greeted by Jessica and Peter B Parker.

“Oh, Y/N.” Jess sighed your name sadly while pulling you into a hug. You felt like you wanted to cry all over again. Missing your friends so much. Peter B came behind giving you a hug on the side.

“He’s on a mission right now.” Peter spoke up. “It might be a long one too but don’t waste anytime just incase.”

You nodded pulling away from them. Looking up around the headquarters building faintly smiling at the past memories you had here. You started heading to different areas gathering all the little things you had left around. Hobie had stitched for you a cute backpack with different scraps of patterned clothes and covered in patches of punk band logos but made with hammer space technology. Making it fun for you to fill endless of your things in the bag.

The last stop was in Miguel’s office. Doubt started to fill your mind; maybe he already threw out all of your stuff. Why would he even keep it after all of this? What no one could warn you of was the other person sitting on his platform.

“Hello!” She chirped at you. It felt like the air in your lungs had just been punched out. You knew her too well. From all the photos and videos you had seen peaking over Miguel’s shoulder. However seeing her in person was something you had never expected. You knew it wasn’t the original her but it was a copy paste image for sure.

“Hi.” Was all you managed to choke out. She was beautiful, stunning. You could see clearly now the similar features she shared in another universe with her daughter. The parts that Miguel didn’t have. She kept smiling kindly at you, almost in a graceful way. You started to feel all your insecurities start eating you up from the inside. How could you have ever compared to her.

“What’s your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.” Getting off Miguel’s platform she walked closer to you. The room started to feel suffocating.

“Y/N.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you! It’s nice to meet other girls around here.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you realized she had no reaction to your name. So Miguel never told her about you… Or that the fact was he was still even legally married to you.

“My boyfriend isn’t here right now but, if you want, I can tell him you stopped by.” She continued as you stayed silent.

“Oh, no it’s okay. I just came in here to get some stuff.” You rushed as you really wanted nothing to do with Miguel at all. You almost worried that he might even get angry knowing you got to speak with her. If he already dislikes you this much you couldn’t even imagine how he would feel if you got in the way of this for him.

You started heading over to the familiar drawers around the room. Grabbing your old hoodies and shirts finding your most comfortable of things here. You treated this place as one of your safe spaces as you used to spend so much time here.

“Oh I didn’t know these were all yours! I was wondering why this was all around. When I came here I wanted to do some spring cleaning but Miguel wouldn’t let me touch anything.” She followed besides you. “It’s so mind blowing seeing all this technology. We don’t have any of this where I live-“ She continue rambling but you started to zone her out. You felt like you were about to have a panic attack any minute. There was one question that kept burning in your mind.

“Are you and Miguel already planning to have a child?” You blurted out. Your eyes widened a bit as you surprised yourself. She let out a loud laugh.

“Oh dear no! We have only been together about 6 months. You must be new around here so you must not know much about us.” She chuckled.

In some cruel way you were hoping she would have said yes. You had that twisted hope of maybe Miguel just keeping her to have a kid and ditching her after he gets Gabriella and run back to you. In reality he was playing the long game, he really meant it when we said he was starting over. “He’s never mentioned kids anyways. I’m not even sure if he’d like them or do well with them.”

With that statement she made you looked at her appalled. Anyone could see in Miguel how good of a father he could be. Just in the way he takes care of the society he built here. You started to realize that she really has been left in the dark. She doesn’t know anything. She probably doesn’t even know that she’s a replacement of another self. You wondered why Miguel was doing this. It felt like he didn’t just toy with you but with her as well. A man you came to love for how selfless he was, to realize now everything was for his own personal gain. Suddenly you started to feel bad for her. You couldn’t dislike her, she wasn’t doing anything wrong and she doesn’t even know.

“I got all my stuff. Nice to meet you.” Was all you could say as you zipped up your bag and turned straight around out of there. Not giving any glance back at her, you left to one of the empty training rooms to recollect your overwhelming thoughts. All of the self healing you tried the past month thrown in the garbage.

It wouldn’t be too soon that news of you going around the building was returned to Lyla. You had cut out all coms while you were gone so she immediately popped up on your watch when she found out.

“AH-“ You jumped as the tiny AI was suddenly in front of your face.

“It’s so wonderful to see you Y/N. Oh my god!”She started. Then she went on rambling about how she knew everything and had seen everything. How she didn’t agree with what was happening and was doing everything she could to convince you to stay. After 5 minutes of her rambling you stopped her to let your emotions out.

“Lyla, Lyla It’s okay. Just stop. It’s all complicated I know, but this didn’t work out. I wished Miguel just cheated on me like all the other fucked up normal men out there. That I walked in on him deep in another random girl. Though painful I could have tried fixing and fighting for us. But instead what I got was him emotionally cheating on me and chase after something he knows I can never give him.” You felt yourself choke up. “I can never ask him to give up what he longs and dreams for just for me to be happy. I lost this battle the moment he laid eyes on her.”

Finding comfort in the AI your husband made. You’ve created a bond with Lyla that Miguel found cute but you knew now this might be the last time you’ll be speaking with her.

“You can give him a family y/n… you guys have been married two years now. I know you’ve both set the thought aside until the multiverse issues are better but you can fight for him. You have to snap him out of his fantasy. He still thinks about you.”

“Lyla you know deep down truly he never just wanted a family. He wanted exactly what he had. What he lost. Which should be impossible but being by his side seeing how insane the multiverse is… Good for him for believing in something so hard he’s found himself even a third chance to do it.”

“I hate that you’re being too kind about this situation.” Lyla paced around you.

“I love him so deeply Lyla. You know that very well. It’s so hard to suddenly hate him. I am angry, but I’m also emotionally drained I can’t do this.” You let out a deep sigh. “I’ve watched him long for this family when we just met. For some stupid reason when things worked out for us I thought I would be enough… When we got engaged and he would spend some days at home with me not even coming to HQ. I thought he was finally moving on not just from his grief and past but from the weight of his work. I saw a bright future for us.”

“You can still have a bright future with him! You moving here gave him a new canon event, another chance at life in his timeline. Here in his own universe! He’s just too obsessed and he’s lost himself in that.” She exclaimed with her hands up.

“Our canon event was our wedding.” Your frowned deepened. “But the universe didn’t say anything else after. It doesn’t say our canon event means we are suppose to live happily together forever I guess.”

“I’m just trying my best to be optimistic. I rooted so hard for you and Miguel when you joined the team. I know you can remember the amount of times I would force you both in rooms.” Lyla recalled.

“And I’m grateful for it… Even if this didn’t work out. I was given precious memories, not just working with you and being on this team but falling in love with Miguel. I know I’m being all depressed and hopeless but I feel like even if I move on I’ll never be able to replace him and find a relationship like this again. However he threw me away so easily and maybe he never valued me as much as I did to him.” You felt your emotions bubble. “I became who I am here. I’m going to miss everyone so much.”

“You can still stay here and work with us.” She edged on.

“I can’t just sit around here begging at his feet to return to me or moping around doing missions while watching him with someone else. I want to hate him so badly. I know he’s your boss and you’re basically hardwired to do everything for him and you’re trying your hardest to fix what you think is his right path. But think of me a little more and how miserable it’ll be. I’m the only one hurting here.”

Lyla paused and stared at you with an almost glossy-eyed look. While she worked she could see the inner term-oil Miguel was hiding and the emptiness he was turning to since trying to start new in the other universe. It just wasn’t her place to hold this conversation and he was the one who needed to get a grip of himself and really think and talk with you. She can’t be the one trying to mend the pieces for both of you together. What Miguel did was so wrong. She knew you were right and she didn’t want to see any more damage be caused to you.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She looked up at you sincerely. “I hate this outcome for you. Not only are you loosing your husband but your home. When was the last time you’ve even been in your universe?”

“Like a year ago for a mission…”

“Exactly! Even if things are over with Miguel, you have all of us here! I wish you could stay. I understand you leaving, I really do. I know a lot of us will try visiting you but I’m tied to Miguel…” You started to see how it clicked for her too that it’s most likely you might not see each other for a long time. “Even if a spider-person is visiting you I can’t just show up on their watch… It’ll go back to him and I know you wouldn’t want that. I know I’m an AI and I can’t hold real emotions but I mean it when I say I’m going to miss you.”

Tears poured down your cheeks as her words hit you. Going back to your universe is going to be a struggle. You have nothing there now. However nothing can compare to the pain of the outcome you’ve had with Miguel, and you needed out of here ASAP. Your mental health getting worse the longer you stay. Even the other spiders you have come to love can’t bring that spark back right now. You needed genuine time for yourself, even if it’s self destructive, instead of putting on a fake smile everyday here.

“Bye, Lyla.” You whispered. She nodded and waved her hand goodbye at you before disappearing. You took your watch off your wrist placing it on a nearby desk. With it you pulled the divorce paperwork out of your pocket neatly sealed and already signed on your half. Opening a portal you took your last glances at the place you spent so many loving memories in.

Tears blurred your vision as you stepped through the portal. Once your legs landed on a rooftop of a building in your dimension, you racked out full sobs falling to your knees.

You were always just the other woman.

—————————————————

Thank you so much for reading!! I know it was a longer one ~

would anyone like a part 2? If so anyone want a angsty or happy ending? I think it’ll be more in Miguel’s perspective as well!

EDIT: You can now read PART 2 here

[jsprnt]

Americano PT. 9 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: phew! this took me five million years and a bag of candy to write. remember when I told you to remember the house layout? 😉 Enjoy!

small mention: I absolutely love knowing you all are curious about the next chapter of this series. I appreciate and love all comments I get, and try to keep all my promises I make. but, trust I’m human too and need some away from writing. Though, when rude and harassing words are used in my inbox- the joy of writing this series gets absolutely sucked away. (If I’ve answered your message, this isn’t about your comment 🫶) so, please keep your rude words to yourself or I’ll turn off anonymous inbox messages and block you the next time :)

W/C: 4.016

part eight

"I should've just taken a break to go on vacation."

Lina sighs, poking her salad with her fork, and guiding the mixture of greens and dressing up to her mouth.

"Didn't you take a trip to Paris last international break?"

Luis says, raising a brow at her words. He turns his head towards me, nudging me under the table.

"Can you believe her?" He asks, an exasperated chuckle leaving his lips. It causes me to jolt out of my half-asleep state, my eyes widening in surprise.

"What? Who?" I ask looking around and bring a hand up to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

I had rushed out of the house this morning, which meant everyone got the chance to admire my bare skin today.

Well, my stress-induced breakouts were on full display, but having some pimples wasn’t the end of the damn world anyway.

"Are you okay?" Lina joins in, placing a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, just dozed off- been sleeping horribly." I reply, eyeing my lunch with a grimace.

"Are those exams still keeping you up?"

"More like waking me up.. Do you know how many nightmares of failing an exam a person can take?” I say, my words coming out harsher and louder than I intended. My eye twitches in irritation, and I give them a crazy look.

"Woah, you have an attitude today.." Luis mutters, shifting away from me.

"Don’t piss her off.." I hear Lina say, nudging Luis.

"Never mind, I'm going back to work." I state, quickly putting my tray of food away and walking out of the cafeteria.

I mutter curses under my breath, trying to look as normal as possible to my coworkers when I pass them in the hallways.

Exam season was practically sucking the life out of me, and the added pressure of the upcoming Champions League home game against Napoli was multiplying the stress.

Thankfully, it was international break, which meant that my normal workload was cut in half. Some players not playing for in the national team had requested leave for vacation, so the training center was pretty quiet and empty today.

I only knew of injured players being here for their scheduled recovery appointments.

I finally get back in my office, sighing in exhaustion when I get to my desk. I plop down, rubbing my face to wake myself up further, before starting to work on some more content.

"Why are you grinning like a creep?"

I turn to Luis, chuckling at his choice of words, and let go of the computer mouse.

"I just got a notification that said I passed my written exam." I beam, giving him a cocky look.

"Really?"

"Yeah, ninety-four percent..” I say, turning my head to look at the editing program. The training video we had just shot halfway edited already.

"You've been snapping at us for no reason, but I guess it was worth it- good job.." He says, shooting me a smile, and leaning in to give me a side hug.

"Yeah, sorry about that.." I apologize, fixing my wrinkled shirt. I move my hand towards the mouse again, cutting off a piece of blurry footage that we couldn’t use.

"It's fine, I guess it's payback for making you do random tasks back when you were a newbie.."

"You know, I haven't forgotten how you made me carry that heavy ass bag every morning..”

"I'm sorry, alright. You should've told me earlier that Ancelotti is basically your uncle."

I grumble at his words, jabbing his ribcage with my elbow, sending him a warning look.

"Stop talking and help me out with this.." I mutter, passing him the mouse.

He winces a little, rubbing his stomach, before snatching the mouse off of me with an attitude.

"Didn't know you were allowed to use your privilege to inflict such violence."

I roll my eyes, focused on the moving images on the computer screen. Starting to unconsciously pick at a fresh scab on my hand. Only noticing the damage I’ve done when I look down to see blood trickling down the back of my hand.

"Shit, made myself bleed.." I say, making Luis glance away from the dual monitors.

"Go to the physiotherapy room. They have a shit ton of bandages and bandaids.” He suggests, his hand going up to fix the curls falling in front of his eyes.

I nod quickly, getting up from my seat and walking out of the small, soundproof meeting room. I close the glass door behind me, hurrying over to the physiotherapy room.

I pass the glass panels facing the multiple pitches outside, the sun had been shining brightly this afternoon. Even though the sun had been setting quite early due to daylight saving time.

I knock twice when I arrive, only opening the door when I hear a loud 'come in' in response.

I clear my throat, realizing how silly it is to get a bandaid for a wound like this, but still walk in.

I'm greeted by the sight of first-team physiotherapist Iván, he smiles when he notices me, waving for me to come inside.

He was one of the nicest people working with me at Real Madrid. It would be especially fun when he would bring in his little two-year-old son with him. I couldn’t count on one hand how many times I had carried the cute boy around the training center in my free time.

"Oh, y/n. What brings you here?" He questions, shoving the white privacy curtain out of the way, only to reveal a shirtless Jude lying on the treatment table, his eyes opening to peer over at me.

The personalized shoulder brace he'd been wearing for the past couple matches, was taken off for obvious reasons, and placed on the other side of the bed.

I look away a moment later, feeling my chest tighten, internally wincing at the thought of Jude having a dislocated shoulder and still playing football. Despite all of the aggressive and offensive play we had gotten used to this season, he was handling it well- but I wouldn’t ever utter it out loud.

Because- who wants to inflate that ego even more? Or was that even possible?

"Hi, Iván.. Just wondering if you got a bandaid for me?" I avert my gaze to the physio, and raise my brows. I hold my hand up to show the wound, and smile when he nods in response.

"Yeah, just a second.." He shoots Jude a quick wink, washing his hands before coming over. He begins to rummage through the cabinet, flipping through a pack of bandaids before handing me one closest to my skin color.

"Here you go.. Do you need anything else?" He asks, eyeing the blood on my hand.

"Nope, only this. Thank you.." I smile, quickly wiping down the blood from my hand and gently placing the bandaid on my wound.

I throw the bloody wipes and wrappers in the dedicated trash can, turning around again when I’m done.

I make accidental and involuntary eye contact with Jude instead of Iván, who's already across the room busy with some paperwork. Probably documenting the progress of Jude’s injury.

My eyes automatically dart down to his shoulder, and unbelievably, my eyes slip to his chest, then to his-

I stiffen when I regain consciousness of what I’m doing, and look away with haste. I fight the urge to smack myself in the face, instead biting the flesh of my cheek when I notice him smirk at me.

"What are you looking at?" He questions, voice low and his cocky tone too obvious to ignore.

My eyes widen slightly when he speaks, and I take a step forward as if to say I’m not intimidated.

"Just- looking at your shoulder.." I say, cringing at the way the words leave my mouth.

"So, you’re worried about me now?"

I give him a look of disgust, a chuckle of disbelief leaving my mouth.

"You wish, Bellingham. I heard Ancelotti is confident in putting you in the starting lineup on Wednesday. You better put your best foot forward, and if we don’t end up winning..." I trail off, threatening him slightly with my tone. I then turn around and leave the room.

I couldn’t lie, being rude to him after he'd dislocated his shoulder and still played made me feel a little guilty.

Though, he had a huge gift of being the ultimate douchebag, even when he’d been having his 'decent' moments lately.

“He’s only turned nineteen two- no three months ago, and he’s already scoring in the Champions League..” Luis gawks, grabbing the equipment bag out of my hand.

“I know, it’s so fun to see young players flourish..” I mutter, mentally recalling the interview I just did with Nico Paz. Since it was his first goal for Real Madrid, we had just done an interview in celebration.

“He is a year younger than you.. Is he really that young to you?” Luis teases, pushing me away when I pretend to kick him.

“What? Are you trying to undermine my accomplishments?” I question, trying to kick him again.

“Hey! See, this is how immature you are.. Step back, dude get off…” He says, and I scuffle with him for a moment, gasping when he tries to put me in a headlock.

“Okay, you always do this- stop everyone is looking..” I mutter, squeezing his arm.

“How fuckin’ childish are you?” I hear a familiar voice say. I snap my head up, Luis’ arm loosening as he immediately lets me go.

“As much as I want to be...” I state, my hand traveling up to fix my hair and clothes.

I hear Jude scoff, he gives me a nasty look before taking a step forward, but I notice him freeze in my peripheral vision when he hears someone calling out to me.

“y/n?!” The person shouts, and I look around for a moment before my eyes land on…

The guys from Naples?

What’s his name again?

“Chris?..” I say, my voice low and as enthusiastic as I can manage to pretend.

Fuck, I never even answered his DM’s..

Well, should I really give a guy who looks like trouble a chance?

My common sense says: NO.

I watch him bring an arm around my back, his hand resting on my shoulder blade when he hugs me tightly. Like we’ve been friends for freaking years…

“How have you been? Thought I’d see you here..” He beams, his hand going up to fix the fluffy mop of blonde hair on his head. Aussie accent undeniably mesmerizing like last time.

He is so pretty, but the kind of pretty that told me he was a full on man-wh*re..

“Hi? Good, what are you doing here?” I ask, trying to stop the grimace forming on my face. I lean in, taking a closer look at the badge hanging from his neck.

Surprisingly enough, it says ‘VIP’- I look up at him with a questioning look, waiting for him to explain.

“Oh- this.. someone I know gifted me this pass..”

Yeah, very believable.

He smiles nonchalantly, the skin of his cheeks denting as his dimples show.

I nod as if I understand, glancing at Luis, so he can get me out of this conversation.

“You’re the drunk guy from that night!” Chris suddenly exclaims, pointing at Luis.

Could this get even more awkward.

I tune out the stupid conversation they have, shuffling backwards only to bump into Jude.

Thankfully, not against his injured shoulder.

“Oh, sorry..” I whisper, not even registering his response before he’s rudely interrupted.

“Man- no way you’re the Jude Bellingham..”

I close my eyes in embarrassment, turning around to face Jude instead of both Luis and Chris.

I raise my brows at Jude, giving him a look only readable as ‘send this man away’..

He immediately plasters an all too good, fake smile on his face. Stepping behind me to greet Chris, and begins talking to him about the match.

I can only hear a jumble of both Brum and Aussie accents, it making me want to burst into a fit of laughter. Though, I manage to keep it in, looking at Luis to see if he’s still present in the conversation.

He isn’t, as expected. No surprise, he’s fidgeting with his damn camera again.

I stand there like a statue for the next two minutes, looking back and forth between the two accented men.

It’s a comical sight, especially when I can’t even understand some words.

I sigh in relief when Jude pats Chris’ shoulder, careful with his injury when he goes in for a handshake.

I watch Jude leave swiftly, his facial expression falters immediately, and his hand goes up to rip the shoulder brace off his body, harsher than I’ve ever seen him do before.

"My brain is going to explode, fucks sake.."

I mumble, stretching my arms and legs. I get up from the dinner table in order to walk around the backyard for a moment. Trying to get some fresh air, even though it's past midnight already.

I loved studying at the dinning table way more than upstairs in my room. It felt less lonely- especially since my dad had been gone for a couple weeks now. His work and the case had taken an interesting turn, which meant that his stay had to be prolonged.

I didn't mind, in fact, I loved living alone. Except for when I heard random noises at night. It could've been a bird flying against the window, and I’d still be paranoid.

Since it was our day off, after winning 4-2 against Napoli yesterday- I thought I'd go ahead and continue cramming for my last exam I had in a couple days.

I yawn and stretch my limbs, looking up at the clear sky and stars. It had gotten so much colder since December was almost here.

My pajama shorts are not providing warmth, but I can’t be bothered to go up and change when I’m going back inside in a minute anyway.

I can hear my back cracking when I turn to stretch, making me chuckle. I was only twenty, but those hard ass chairs and sitting in them for long periods of time, made me feel like I was double my age sometimes.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear my phone ring loudly from the dinning table. I jog back inside quickly, throwing my slippers off my feet and snatch my phone. Confusion settling on my face when I read the caller ID.

I immediately pick up, pressing the phone against my ear. Worrying about something horrible happening in the middle of the night.

"Dad? It's late, something wrong?" I say in one breath, left hand clutching the backrest of my chair.

"y/n, nothings wrong. I just need you to listen carefully..”

"Okay." I spit out, just wanting him to get to the point, my brain making up all types of things.

"It's concerning one of my clients. Something unexpected just happened, and he's going to have to stay over at ours for a while."

I pause at his words, frowning in confusion, even though he can’t see my face.

"What? So, you're calling me- because I need to let an unfamiliar guy into our house- so he can sleep here? Is it a criminal?”

I gasp, hand gripping my phone tighter.

“A murderer?! Dad! How can you-”

"-y/n.." He cuts me off, voice stern, but I’m able to hear the grogginess of his tone. He'd probably been sleeping before he was awakened.

"It's no stranger- it's Jude, okay? He's not safe in his own home- relating the case I took on. I offered for him to stay over out of concern for his safety. So, he's going to have to stay with- you for a while."

I stay quiet, taking in all of the information he's giving me. I can already feel a migraine creeping up on me, letting go of my chair to massage my temple with one hand.

"I have to get the guest room- ready?" I say, processing everything and trying to understand what I’m supposed to do.

"Yes, I know you two are- friendly. Please be understanding and responsible. I'll call you in the morning, just get him settled and go to bed. You got that, honey?"

"Yeah, I got it. Uh- I'll get the room ready.." I say, already walking up the stairs and into the guest bedroom.

"Good, again- I'll call you in the morning- good night, sweetie.."

I quickly hang up after saying goodbye, running around, and making the bedroom look presentable. I change the bedsheets and wipe the dust off the vanity with a swift motion. It takes me about ten minutes and a sweaty forehead, before the doorbell rings repeatedly.

I run down the stairs, almost tripping due to my haste.

I take a deep breath when I reach the front door, trying to collect my thoughts and feelings before swinging the door open.

Jude's house was unsafe to stay in, so he's staying here- right..

The front door squeaks when I open it. An exhausted-looking Jude entering my sight, his black suitcase is on the floor, to his right- looking like it’s about to burst at its seams.

Cold air greets my face and naked legs almost instantly, making me curse internally for not changing clothes earlier.

I was too stubborn for my own good..

"Hi- umh, come in?" I say, my voice hoarse as if I hadn't spoken out loud in weeks.

He nods awkwardly, mumbling something incoherent as he begins rolling his suitcase inside.

I motion for him to take his shoes off, which he promptly does without hesitation. I turn away, grabbing some house slippers for him to wear out of the shoe rack.

I throw them next to his feet, watching his eyes flicker up and down as he steps back for a moment.

"You alright?" I ask, worried about the lack of words he's using.

It was unlike him, whether we’re arguing about some stupid shit or I’m filming an interview- he always had something to say.

"Yeah, I'm fine.." He mutters, looking up and finally making eye contact with me.

"The bedroom is upstairs.." I trail off, reaching over to grab his suitcase, but he snatches the heavy luggage up with one hand, immediately making his way up the stairs.

I watch the muscles in his arm flex as I walk behind him. I stop dead in my tracks when I realize what I’m doing and practically start running up the stairs to catch up to him.

I walk ahead of him when we reach the top of the stairs, opening the guest bedroom door for him.

"This is your room, bathroom is there, and the laundry room is over there." I point, turning around to face him.

"Thanks.." His Brum accent is thick, and he looks at me like a lost man in crisis.

I clear my throat, unable to pick between being nice and acting like how we normally interacted.

"Are- do you want to go shower?" I mutter, raising my brows.

I only realize how wrong my sentence sounds the second it leaves my mouth. To cover my embarrassment, I clear my throat again, putting my hands behind my back.

"Yeah- I should.." He responds, and I step aside to let him in the bedroom.

"I'll be downstairs.."

I inform, running down the stairs the second he shuts the door behind him.

I rub my eyes aggressively when I walk into the living room area. Sitting on the couch, I wonder if this is some delusional fever dream.

Maybe it’s just a different genre of dreams, next to those nightmares I had about failing exams.

I mean- who can make this up?

I get up to my feet again, walk up to the fridge, and begin filling up a huge glass with water. I bring the cup up to my lips, and slowly sip on the cool liquid, hoping it will help me feel grounded again.

I exhale deeply when I'm halfway through the cup. Going for my last gulp of water again, I fill my mouth with the rest of the water. My cheeks almost exploding from the amount of water in my mouth.

Suddenly, I'm absolutely- fucking-scared shitless as I'm poked in between my shoulder blades. I turn around in a shift motion, accidentally spraying out the water in my mouth- onto a shirtless Jude's chest.

My eyes almost bug out of my head in shock. My jaw slacks open when I observe the aftermath.

He can only look at me with a blank face. I can’t detect any emotion in his face, but he’s probably equally as mortified as me.

"Shit- sorry.." I blurt, turning around, and grabbing a kitchen towel. I scramble for a second, and start to vigorously..wipe.. his..chest..

I only realize I'm rubbing on his chest like I’m giving him a damn massage- mid-wipe and freeze.

My body goes rigid and my hands are resting on his now dry, naked chest.

I look up at him, only seeing part of his face with help from the dim lights in the kitchen. My breathing slows down, and he looks down at me in return.

I can feel my heart pounding in my ribcage, and I'm sure anyone within meters of me could hear.

His skin is soft and warm underneath my fingertips-

"I- was going to ask how the shower works.." Jude whispers, his warm breath hitting my face. I can make out his brown eyes peering into mine, a series of unspoken and caged words behind them.

His words make me stop breathing for a moment. I remove my hands off of him at lightning speed, the kitchen towel falling to the floor mindlessly and I step back immediately.

"Oh- yeah, sure. Follow me.." I scramble a couple words together, my brain working overtime. I walk up the stairs again. Leading him into the bathroom, noticing he had left the lights on, his discarded shirt on the bathroom counter.

"Here- left is hot, right is cold. This is the best temperature.." I instruct, pointing when necessary and don’t dare to look up at him as he stands behind me.

"This button is for the radio and this one for the ventilation.." I say, pressing some buttons to show him how they work.

"Okay.." He breaths out, his warm breaths hitting the back of my neck. I can practically feel his eyes drilling into the back of my head.

I finally turn to look at him, dragging my gaze up to make awkward eye contact with him.

"Anything else?" I ask, voice low and I begin fidgeting with the hem of my shorts.

"Not really..” He replies, sentence dragged out by his accent.

"Umh- okay.. laundry hamper is there. I'll be in my room.." I trail off, pointing my thumb behind me, and walk out of the bathroom without saying anything else.

I quickly clean up the mess I - no, he caused in the kitchen. I wipe everything down properly and grab my laptop and stationary off the dining table.

I carefully lock the front door and windows on the first floor, setting up the alarm and going back upstairs.

I can hear some noise coming from the bathroom. I begin averting my gaze, just in case Jude walks out of the bathroom half-naked again.

I finally get into my bedroom, jumping into my bed. I try to distract myself with my phone until he's done with showering. So I can finally wash my face and brush my teeth after a long day of studying.

Only, this time- my phone doesn’t seem to be all too interesting. Not even those brainrotting and attention grabbing TikTok’s.

Nothing, and I mean nothing- could distract me from anything that had happened within the past thirty minutes..

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Yandere Best Friend pt 2

tw: self harm, mentions of violence, general deranged yandere shenanigans, angst

ageless blogs n minors DNI blease tq <3

part 1 here

my masterlist

this sucks bros i broke my fucken leg and i cant move, my cast is so itchy and i cant scratch and i feel nasty cause i cant shower

feeling bads, so thats why i churned part 2 out faster thn usual , its shorter than before but just need some angsty comfort atm

as uaual many errors cause i did not proofreasd

enjoy i hope

You left the exam hall a couple hours later. To find out that your dad left a total of seven missed calls. You thought someone fucking died.

Of course, you called back. Preparing for the worst.

Your father picked up the phone, he explained that it was your friend. He had a mental breakdown because you weren't there for the opening of his dream restaurant. Eventually though, he calmed down enough to come back into the building to return the phone, eyes noticeably dull and tired, worse than before. He never stopped trembling.

The three of them sat down and talked.

Neither of your parents knew you stopped contacting him. They thought everything was fine, so your friend couldn't fault them for that.

Your parents trusted your friend, so they gave him your phone number and told him basic information about you now. Such as, the country you're studying in and the course.

You felt a pang of guilt, but you had to move on. You understood that he was busy, it would probably do no good for you to try and reach out to him. You would just ruin his plan and distract him too much. At least, that was what you thought.

Usually, he would call every day. But that turns to once every three days. Then once a week. Then never.

It's true that he would not miss a single day to send you a sweet message, a reminder to practice self care and that you're very dear to his heart. Which would be then followed by an update to his progress, it was stressful to read what he was going through and that was all he talked about. You felt like his personal diary, he stopped asking about how things were going for you.

Since it doesn't seem to bother him you weren't replying because he would send his texts when the entire world is asleep, you stopped opening his texts too.

You wanted to tell him in person that you're moving out to pursue your studies and you were granted a student loan. A crushing student loan. But... You believe his ten minutes of free time a week is better used for his sleep. Or even going to the bathroom perhaps.

A day passes by another and in the end, you moved on without him. Without telling him. It just always slips your mind every time you see him brisk walking towards his beat up car with a stack of metal trays in his arms. They must be extremely heavy, you could see the veins bulging out of his forearms and forehead.

It was hard to watch his cheeks get sunken in, his hair going back to its' matted, unhealthy state, dark bags forming under his constantly bloodshot eyes. He looked like he aged a decade older from all the stress and pressure. But... He is working towards his dream and you're happy for him. It was great that he finally achieved what he wanted, he deserved all of its glory for working his ass off like that.

You held no ill will towards him, but you grew apart. He was so consumed with work that the friendship suffered in silence, there were no more fun hangouts together at the mall, you don't get to eat his cooking anymore (you didn't want to burden him by buying a tray, he already has too much to do), no more fun conversations about the silliest shit. It was just... Bank loans, revenue, expenses, investors, employees, employers, credit score, mortgages, taxes etcetera. The urgency and distress was also rubbing off you too, there were nights you woke up in a cold sweat because you had a nightmare that your hypothetical restaurant failed and you went into debt.

So you thought, he needed his time. You shouldn't really interfere with anything you don't understand. Your friend is already nose deep in the real world, you're not even close to it yet and you're not ready for it yet either. Therefore, you took the route most young adults take after getting a high school diploma: getting a bachelor's degree in some field of study that you probably don't even like.

You trudged onwards to the direction of your hostel. You need to get ready for your shift, money is a little tight now and you don't want to burden your parents too much. They're already sending a lot of money to support your living.

If your friend knew you were working hard for some extra money, his heart would break. It would be devastating news to him, no doubt, he would at least have a dozen freakouts and breakdowns. But you don't know that, yet.

As expected, your friend eventually called you. It was later than expected; it took him a week before he called your new phone number himself. He needed to calm down and collect his thoughts, as he knew that he might just drive you away if he comes barreling in with passionate yelling and sobbing over the phone. Plus, he also needed to focus on his new restaurant too, he can't just abandon his lifelong dream like that. How else is he going to make enough money to provide for you? He can't take back the money and time he invested in this now, all he can do is keep going and find some compromise.

It was tempting to go M.I.A. and hastily book a plane ticket to wherever you're studying. He was deeply yearning for your presence, he was desperate, he was clawing his arms and decorating them with nasty scars in an attempt to keep the urge at bay. He was extremely miserable but he had to keep going, to build that wonderful, cushiony foundation for you and him to fall back onto.

Everything he does, he does it for you.

He was polite, kind and pleasant during the first phone call you both had in two years. Though, there was a noticeable twinge of hurt in his mildly wavering voice. He still sounded like he's happy and relieved to hear you again.

The call started off with a greeting, then some small talk, then finally to the meat of the call;

Why didn't you tell me? He asked. It seems like he was fighting back his tears.

You didn't answer right away, you don't know what to say.

You could tell him the truth that he was too busy with his endeavors and you just don't feel like interfering by burdening him with "unnecessary information". However, you think that might wound him deeply as you're somewhat blaming him for your own actions.

You could lie... and tell him what, exactly? Either way, it would hurt him even more and there is probably going to be some resentment.

So, you apologized. You kept your reasoning brief and simple; you needed to move on. You acknowledged that whatever you did wasn't very nice of you, but you still had to proceed and you thought that it would be better that you didn't tell him.

There was a moment of silence between the both of you.

On the other side of the call, your friend was wracking his brain, trying to comprehend what you just told him. It came across as you not wanting to do anything with him anymore because you feel unprioritized, unimportant, inferior. Guilt and remorse was eating him up, he is putting all the faults onto himself.

He spiraled downwards in that call, spewing nonsense and absurd promises to destroy everything he has ever worked for just to have you back in his arms. Deranged negotiations involving the idea of blinding, deafening, mutilating or doing some sort of bodily or mental harm to himself to prove something; prove that he puts you above everything else and also to punish himself for neglecting you.

It was horrifying to hear your dear friend babble about putting himself into financial ruin for the sake for your forgiveness. He spoke of his accomplishments and advancements as they were disposable, as if it held no value compared to you.

This isn't normal, far from it, Your friend devolved so much to the point he was making demented pledges to kill and maim your enemies for you, and only you. To eviscerate the ones you dislike and send videographic proof of it, to disembowel his business associates to show that they mean absolutely nothing to him. Mind you, he was talking about real, breathing, living humans.

It was hard to fully grasp the insanity in his now incoherent words, he was muttering apologies and self hatred. Promises of severe self harm was also common in his mad speech. At one point, religion and superstitions were thrown into the mix. But you could not understand what he was chanting about.

What the fuck are you talking about? Your friend didn't pick up on your distress... or words over his excessive tirade against himself.

Everything I do, I do it for you, and I would do anything and everything for you. I love you- You hung up.

You couldn't take a second more of that. It was really difficult to see this side of him. It hurts you too that he became like this, perhaps all the stress from building a business from the ground up fried his mind. Whatever it was, you knew that he is not good for you anymore.

You sent him a final text message telling him that you're not comfortable with him after that massive sanity slippage. You wished him luck and expressed your regrets that it had to turn out this way.

You didn't give him a chance to respond, you blocked him immediately on everything and went on with your day.

Whatever he said kept replaying in your head like a broken record. It was pure horror.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Round 2

Propaganda:

Amuro -

"Being a Newtype is just space autism to me. But also he sucks at falling in line in a structured environment, would rather work with machines than talk to people, and is only allowed as a child soldier because he's the bestest at big robots."

Kyouya -

"what's there to say? you know him. you love him. vote kyoya."

Euini -

"I relate a lot to his social anxiety, especially his performance anxiety that occurs when he's being watched by people, particularly due to his stress at needing to follow the plan/do things the "proper" way in order to not feel like he's a failure. he also stands like a lil autistic kid and i appreciate him so much for that.

(LIGHT SPOILERS) basically, he has a test that he needs to take in order to advance as a witch, and he keeps failing it because he cant perform properly while being watched by other people, even though he knows the "right" spells to use and why he's supposed to use them. on his third attempt of the test, he's prepared a "script" to use so that he can follow it and not worry about failing in the moment (in this case, his script is a hand-written book of the proper spells to use and the order in which he's supposed to use them), but when a part of the exam changes, he's no longer able to follow his script. because he's been taught all his life that there's only one proper way of doing things, his way of thinking is very rigid and he's not able to deviate from his plan without panicking. luckily, one of his fellow examinees (richeh from the autistic anime girls poll 💕) is able to convince him to try and change the way that he does things to something that is more attuned to his personal needs- basically change the way that he casts his spells and which spells to use so that he doesn't need to struggle with doing things in the way that everyone says that he should; the way that he cant seem to manage. but, even before richeh helped him with that though, he was still finding way to modify the "proper" spells a little bit to better suit his weaknesses. he was trying so hard to fit in to the mold that witch society gave him, but it just wasnt right for him and he was making it work however he could."

Aoi -

"He has a very devoted special interest in the idol Takada-chan, which he frequently imagines in fights and other situations… the moment someone (Itadori) expresses equal interest in something he is passionate about, he immediately declares them besties and brothers and creates a whole elaborate shared history for them that doesn’t actually exist. He’s not really interested in connecting with people who don’t share his interests. He’s seen as somewhat strange and eccentric. Though in the present he is respected because of his strength as a sorcerer, as a child he was very isolated."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Apollo -

"Not canonically autistic but he has ZERO volume control plus he scripts/repeats stuff (“I’M FINE!!!”), sometimes mimics other people’s speech patterns (like replying “ja” to Klavier), sensitive to loud noises (stayed backstage at a concert cuz it was too loud) and bright lights (complained about the stage lights being too bright at the same concert + screamed when opening the hatch to the bright stage at magic show), and has been really into space since he was a kid, which could definitely be a hyperfixation (not to mention how he read every single one of Phoenix’s old case files back when he admired him). Plus he’s a little TOO normal, to the point where it circles back around to making him the odd one out, which is absolutely what masking feels like for me. Even when he tries to be fun and weird he gets strange looks/made fun of for not being weird in the right way. The list of autism symptoms is just a checklist for him at this point."

Ash -

"he just has those vibes ya know?"

Shou -

"His special interest is math. He uses math terms in regular conversations and calls people yoctograms/zeptograms which earned him monikers such as "math man" and "pi-face". Speaking of Pi, he once shouted 155 consecutive digits of it through a megaphone just because he could. He's so normal."

Sunny -

"Sunny has been told that his face is not expressive. He doesn't talk a lot and he often gets lost into his imagination. He is a great listener and recalls a lot of information being told he has a great memory (he is able to remember a whole speech about flower symbolism that his friend told him) He is compared to a cat."

Yuu -

"He’s like if an emo programmer boy was also completely unhinged and also had a tragic backstory."

[mha-grievances]

Alright, I’m bored again so I’m going to rank all of the arcs from best to worst:

Great:

1. Hero Killer Arc: This arc and number 2 on this list proves that MHA had such potential. Watching Izuku grow and his efforts/impact on other people being acknowledged was great to see. We’ve got fantastic growth for the three main characters and a very good antagonist(despite some issues I have with Stain’s goal). Best of all, no Katsuki.

2. Shie Hissaki Arc: another great arc with a lot of great fights and characters. Watching Izuku vs Overhaul was thrilling and being introduced to The Big 3 and some cool pro heroes was a treat. There are some issues I have with this arc, such as how Overhaul’s motivations suck (he sees quirks as cooties when he literally has the best quirk in Japan) and that some characters could’ve been developed more (I would’ve loved to see more from the Eight Bullets and Nejire), but it was overall a good experience. And again, no Katsuki.

3. USJ Arc: Other than Katsuki’s dumbass endangering everyone and not getting called out for it, I had a blast with this arc. Solid character interactions all around and a fantastic fight to end it all off.

4. U.A Festival Arc: Gentle was a breath of fresh air in terms of villains and I really enjoyed his fight with Izuku. This would’ve been number 3 if not for the fact Izuku gets yelled at for doing his job and Katsuki gets another point added to him being a Gary Stu by revealing yet another talent he has that he shouldn’t.

Good:

5. Entrance Exam Arc: It was a solid setup for getting to know Izuku, All Might, and the world of MHA. It was one of the few times that the narrative wasn’t sucking on Katsuki’s dick too.

6. Forest Training Arc: The final arc that I’d consider good. We’ve got some solid moments here. Fumikage going berserk, Mezou carrying everyone to safety being introduced to the main LoV members, Izuku vs Muscular, and the character of Kota were nice additions to the series. We even got to see some of 1-B, even if it wasn’t much.

Alright:

7: Meta Liberation Arc: Now we’re in the area where these arcs aren’t bad, but they clearly exist just to set things up. This is an arc that would’ve been fantastic if it wasn’t for the fact it led nowhere. Yes, a good chunk of the LoV received fantastic development but the MLA were so lame, and by that, I mean they’re introduced here only to serve as canon fodder in the next arc.

8. Pro Hero Arc: I don’t really have any complaints about this arc nor do I have anything to say outside the fact Endeavor’s fight with the High End was pretty neat.

9. Hideout Raid Arc: only reason this isn’t in the “good” or “great “ category is cause it was centered around Katsuki. All Might vs AFO was a fantastic conclusion to the first saga of MHA and I liked seeing the rescue squad in action… even though Katsuki made it a pain to be rescued.

10. U.A traitor Arc: I don’t really care about this arc for two reasons, one is that the foreshadowing leading up to this moment sucked and that we never really got to spend enough time with Yuuga to care much about the reveal.

Bad:

11. Endeavor Agency Arc: Now we’re at the part where I dislike all of these arcs. This is an arc that Katsuki ruins due to him being a shitty character. Him yelling at a trauma victim to stop talking about her trauma in her own damn house was obnoxious. Katsuki didn’t need to be in this arc whatsoever. Remove him and this arc would’ve had a much higher rating for actually tackling Endeavor’s character and relationship with his family in a solid manner.

12. Sports Festival Arc: The Sports Festival Arc would’ve been fantastic it is weren’t for certain points. First off, this is where the Katsuki dick sucking really began. Shota acts like a mouthpiece for Katsuki even though the people booing him were right in the fact that he could’ve ended the fight easily. He also wasn’t taking Ochako seriously at all, literally announcing “it’s time to get serious” once her strat failed. He should’ve lost against Shoto too seeing as Shoto’s ice is a direct counter to his quirk. Finally, Katsuki had no right listening in on Shoto and Izuku’s conversation and demanding anything from Shoto, a point that’s never addressed. Secondly, all the Gen Ed kids were assholes for no reason. Who in their right mind sees 1-A going through a traumatic experience as them seeing themselves better than everyone else? Yeah, Katsuki gave off a bad impression but he’s just one guy. Finally, this was the arc that introduced Hitoshi, a failed attempt by Hori at tackling the idea of prejudice. Instead of someone bitter at the world for being screwed by society, we got an entitled bitch.

13. Remedial Course Arc: as much as I love Gang Orca, this arc served no purpose. Katsuki gives off a line that feels undeserved seeing as he’d go off undermining people afterwards but this arc’s biggest flaw was that it really didn’t have to exist.

Crap:

14. Battle Trial Arc: Now we’re in the really bad arcs. The Battle Trial Arc is once again ruined by Katsuki. Despite being told by All Might not to fire that explosion, he still does. Yes, he aimed it in a way that it wouldn’t kill Izuku, but the fact that All Might was worried that it could’ve killed Izuku meant that firing that thing in a narrow hallway could’ve seriously injured him. Katsuki suddenly switching up his fighting style despite having no formal training’s the first instance of his plot armor showing up, with the second being that he wasn’t disqualified. Katsuki being afraid of 1-A’s potential went nowhere cause he ended up winning the Sports Festival and would undermine 1-A constantly. Finally, Izuku telling Katsuki about his “borrowed power” was dumb. Everything else was fine though, but not enough to make up for Katsuki’s flaws.

15. Paranormal Liberation Arc: Would’ve been much higher but there are several glaring flaws. Izuku defending Endeavor’s character was one of those moments where I audibly groaned. Katsuki’s plot armor kicks it up into turbo gear by having him have a quirk awakening, surviving an attack that should’ve destroyed his stomach with zero consequences, and giving him an unearned “my body moved on its own” moment.

16. Quirk Apprehension Exam: This arc introduces Shota… and makes all of his flaws known to the audience. I have several posts going over why he sucks and this is the episode that shows it all off. Only thing keeping this from being ranked lower is cause we were also introduced to 1-A.

Shit:

17. Star and Stripe Arc: We’re close to the bottom of the barrel now. Hori introduces a character he never foreshadowed once despite Star and Stripe being the top pro hero of another country and immediately kills her. It does nothing to the plot either. “Oh but it nerfed Tomura” that’s what Hori tells us. Do we actually see what quirks Tomura lost? In fact, after this, his quirk evolves to counter Eraserhead’s. At best all this arc did was stall for time.

18. Dark Hero Arc: what a waste of potential. This would’ve been ranked lower if it wasn’t for Ochako’s speech, Izuku vs Muscular 2, and Izuku helping that fox lady. What makes it shit though? First off, Izuku suddenly unlocks the rest of his quirks. Secondly, 1-A thinks that the best way to get Izuku back is to show up, beat him up, and then kidnap him back to U.A. Third, the pros were offering Izuku no support. He was hungry, tired, and dirty, yet not once did any of them think “hey, if we’re using him as bait to draw AFO out, maybe we should keep him healthy so he can help us once we ambush AFO”. Fourth, Katsuki’s role in this arc. He demeans Izuku in front of his friends, daring to compare Izuku’s desire to protect everyone to him having an ego, and then gives an absolutely poorly timed and terrible apology. God this arc sucks.

19. Joint Training Arc: Oh look, another Katsuki dick sucking session. Sorry, but 1-B does not redeem how awful this arc is. Katsuki’s praised to the moon and back, insults his classmates and the former OFA users with no repercussions, and earns yet another victory. “But he saved Kyouka” but not out of being a good person. He only wanted the victory. Maybe this could’ve been a good step if Katsuki’s arc wasn’t Hori’s attempt at speedrunning a character arc. Yui getting beat by Ochako so effortlessly will forever bother me as one of Yui’s 5 fans (this girl has a 5/6 A+ skill stat, which is higher than Ochako’s). Also, Hitoshi’s here, but he’s actually tolerable here so I’m not going to rant about him.

Super Shit:

20. Provisional License Arc: This is going to be a short write cause there’s not much to be said. It’s yet another Katsuki dick sucking session where the narrative wanks him off. Then there’s Kacchan vs Deku 2, which if you’ve read any of my blogs, you know that this was once my least favorite moment of the series. If you wanna know why this moment was so crap, I have dozens of posts about why it does. And yes, I said it was once my least favorite moment. What’s to come somehow managed to beat it in terms of sheer crap.

I can’t think of any singular phrase to describe how terrible this arc is:

21. Final War Arc: How ironic that the end of the series is also at the end of this list. Where do I even begin? Well, there’s Miruko being the subject of someone’s gore fetish for the third time, AFO overstaying his welcome, Izuku hardly even doing anything, Tomura getting BS power ups up the wazoo, AFO and Izuku never meeting, the mutant portion being handled poorly, Dabi somehow gaining a power up that ultimately served no purpose, and Ochako and Himiko’s portion also being wrapped up poorly. However, what really makes this arc the bottom of the barrel is the dick sucking. Somehow, Katsuki’s able to last the longest against Tomura. Somehow Katsuki manages to score a hit just because he scared Tomura. Somehow Katsuki managed to survive having his heart, arm, and chest blown out via amateur surgery with absolutely no injuries despite being dead for like 5 min without a damn heart and heart surgery not being an answer for a broken arm. And finally, Katsuki gets yet another quirk power up and is now able to compete with AFO. This is THE arc where it’s clear Hori wanted Katsuki to be the protagonist and god damn I will argue that The Room and My Immortal is better than this clusterfuck of an arc.

[whydon-twego]

Arthur hates his job. He hates the extra hours he has to put in every day and he hates that he hardly has any time to see his friends but, above all, he hates working for his father, but a strange sense of honor prevents him from resigning as if by doing so he could say he has failed. He is lonely and feels powerless but one day, almost as if by a miracle, he meets Merlin. Merlin is a few years younger than him, a university senior, and works full-time in a cafeteria that pays him less than he deserves but turns a blind eye if he has to leave early to take an exam. They became inseparable in less than twenty-four hours and got together in less than a week (a miracle, according to all their friends) Arthur does not talk about the problems he has at work at first because he does not want to burden the initial conversations and then he does not talk about them because he does not want to worry Merlin. He complains occasionally about his father but tries not to show how much it is weighing on him. Despite everything Merlin makes him realize that he should just quit, find another firm or at least take a leave of absence from work and really think about what he wants to do.

Arthur, for the first time, really thinks about it. Months go by and Arthur continues to be indecisive, Merlin doesn't pressure him in any way and just supports him, and Arthur is almost convinced that it's okay to go on like this, at least until his father gives him a further two-hour lecture on how inadequate he is, how the firm is not going well because of mistakes Arthur has made (he hasn't made any mistakes) and, to Arthur's horror, Uther brings up Merlin saying that it's definitely that boy's fault that Arthur isn't giving it his all. Arthur decided at that moment that he would resign at the end of the week. He wants to talk to Merlin, he wants to celebrate with Merlin, and so he sends him a message if they can meet. Merlin replies that he is at home and can drop by whenever he wants, Arthur reads the message and thinks there is something strange in the tone of the conversation.

He realizes what it is the moment Merlin opens the door for him and his eyes are red with tears. "They reduced my working hours," he says as he runs his hands through his hair and starts explaining how he doesn't have time to find another job on the spur of the moment, how he can't even think about having to find a second one but that he can't ask his mother for money because she doesn't have any, but the rent is too expensive, the bills don't pay themselves and he has absolutely no idea what to do with the university because his lecturer is an ass. "Come live with me" Arthur says this without even realizing it, he knows it's early, he knows they haven't been together for even a year, but he has no second thoughts. It's what he wants. Merlin looks at him as if he has gone mad and is about to say something but Arthur raises a hand and nips any protest in the bud. "You won't have to pay rent, you won't have to pay bills. If it makes you feel better you can buy your own groceries, but fewer hours at work means you can study more and take your time, I think that's the best solution for everyone." Merlin grabs him and takes him into the bedroom. Arthur has nothing to complain about. Arthur sucks it up and continues to work for his father. He doesn't quit his job because he knows he won't find another one as lucrative and Merlin deserves the world. More months pass and it is almost time for Merlin to graduate and Arthur is happy to see Merlin's dream come true. Unlike him, his father continues to be manic in his demands and Arthur is increasingly tired. And it is with a sense of horror that Arthur, having finished another tirade from his father, is told by Gwen that Merlin has gone to find him on his lunch break and chatted with Gwen about how Arthur is doing at work.

Back home Arthur also receives a lecture from his boyfriend.

"You stupid clotpole, damned dollophead, how could you do this to yourself?" And Merlin spends the rest of the evening telling him what an idiot Arthur is, repeating how much he loves him, throwing blows to the back of his head and later hugging him without letting go. Arthur is a little doubtful about what is going on but when he is hugged he hugs back, putting his head in the crook of Merlin's neck and feeling strangely safe. On the day of Merlin's graduation, Merlin forces Arthur to resign. They can live in a much smaller house, they can live off their savings until Merlin gets a job, but most importantly, Arthur can get a part-time job and go back to university to study what he really wanted to do. Now Merlin will be in charge of him.

Merlin and Arthur get married the day after Arthur's graduation

[rosesloveletters]

Love Potion.

pairing: Patrick Verona x Reader

word count: 801 (less is more with this one)

warnings: angst

summary: Reader reflects on their almost-marriage to Patrick Verona years after it’s all been said and done. 

author’s note: Yes, I wrote another sad fic. I’ve had this in my head since last October. Based on a song...guess which one. 

Unedited.

A lot could be said for all the sleepless nights, the grieving in slow-motion and the oblivion that followed, if you weren’t too exhausted to do so. For the last several years, you’d retreated from the world, hidden in plain sight, as it were, and you found solitude in the mundane. An average life for an average soul and that sentiment only bothered you as much as you were willing to admit.

You didn’t know what Patrick was doing now or if he had moved on. You hardly thought about him these days. Much had changed now that the two of you had grown up and apart; you were adults now and the impulses of youth that shrouded your past relationship had faded with time. The wounds were only so deep, but if you pick at a scab, it’s bound to open and that was the last thing you wanted.

You couldn’t say why he was on your mind. Something had reminded you of him, you were certain. Perhaps a whiff of peppermint had wafted into your nostrils and suddenly you were five years younger, sitting on the school bleachers next to your high school sweetheart, Patrick Verona, who was sucking on a peppermint candy he pulled out of his jeans pocket. He always used to carry them around with him. “It hides the smell of the cigarette smoke” he told you then in that thick, velveted Australian accent of his that always settled into the pit of your stomach just right.

He was like Christmas.

Senior year was rough on you both. You went off to college and Patrick got a technical degree to become a mechanic. He liked cars and was good with his hands. He made decent money and the hours weren’t the worst he’d ever had. He liked to work and it kept his mind off the fact that you weren’t there.

That must have been culprit. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, except when you’re two young adults trying to figure out the rest of your lives and where you fit in the other’s story.

Patrick was an impulsive young man. He made snap-decisions, but he had to live with them after and that was trouble. You loved his half-baked ideas, when he would beg you to skip class with him during fifth period so he could take you to the mall or the park. It was a lot easier to date Patrick when there were no strings attached. You had your whole lives ahead of you, why settle for a smaller picture?

You loved him. If you hadn’t known it then, you did now.

Why hadn’t you told him so more often?

Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter. You had said it enough times to convince him to propose.

At the time, the worst things you could think of were losing your job, failing an exam, never reaching your goals. You never stopped to think about how much worse it would be to have to put a wedding ring on your finger.

You didn’t have the time to devote to a full-time marriage. You had spent your whole life striving to reach the point where you could be fully independent, and you were ready to take the moment and taste it; there must be another way.

Who gave you the right to break his heart?

Patrick was too nice. He did things just for you, he built his life around the promise of a future with you, but when you asked for it, he gave you your freedom just the same and you craved the hurt it brought.

Patrick was sunshine, but you felt more comfortable in the dark.

You wanted the pain the came with a clean break and you wouldn’t have been able to cut him off any other way.

You had changed after high school; your lover stayed the same.

You had led him on and that was your fault. It didn’t have to end this way, but sometimes you just don’t know the answer until someone asks the question and you wished you had been more prepared for the fallout.

At least now you were unbound.

You wondered if he ever thought of you and the answer came, years later. It was a postcard and Christmas never looked so good.

He had a family and that was what was supposed to happen, only it would’ve been your arm around him, your lips on his cheek and your children wearing big smiles and even bigger holiday sweaters.

From all appearances, your Patrick, ‘Peppermint’ you remember you used to call him, had moved on.

He still thought of you when it mattered and it always had to him.

And life went on.

You never thought of him again, except on nights like this.

[themirokai]

Hey people studying for the bar exam right now:

This process sucks. The bar exam is a terrible way to judge fitness for the profession. The stress you feel like you need to be putting on yourself is awful.

I want you to know that it is okay and normal to not be okay while you’re going through this. It’s okay if your emotions are out of control. It’s okay if other things in your life are slipping.

Take it from an old lawyer who just had a bar studier break down in my office:

- Give yourself a whole lot of grace.

- Your brain will not continue to absorb information if you don’t sleep.

- If you take a day off from studying and then fail the exam, the day off will not have been why.

- You can take it again. It will suck to have to study again, but the world will not end.

4 weeks to go. You’ve got this. ❤️

[queenretcon]

last day to preorder fire & ice: welcome to smallville, so here’s my hard sell. I’ve been posting art of these jli losers for like five years, I am probably responsible for the lion’s share of beatora art that exists in the world, and I’m going to guess that’s what most of you are here for.

It’s $3.99. preorders are what count. Dc will have mostly made their mind up on whether this book is a success before the first issue comes out. It sucks, but it’s how the industry works. comic shops need to order that first issue. comic shops will not order a miniseries about the lesser known superhero duo from the jli unless they think people will buy it. tell them you want to buy it.

I am a know-it-all bitch who loves nothing more than nitpicking jli writing and whining about how the sky is falling and jli comics will never be good again. Despite this being my great passion, I am saying this book is a bright spot.

Even if it turns out to be flawed and imperfect as most books are, this is Dc putting out their feelers, letting someone other than the same five straight white dudes work on these characters, and seeing if people will buy jli comics that are comedy adventure books instead of books where they get brutally murdered. the last edgy violent book won an Eisner. Dc needs to see people throwing their money behind a return to form.

even if you don’t care about the jli, this is still a book pulling directly on decades old dc continuity, starring some c-list weirdos, and with a creative team of women. if you care about seeing more of any of those things in DC, it would be smart for you to support this book.

call your local comic shop. most shops try to make pre-orders easy. if you’re intimidated by comics shops, remember that you know who L-Ron is; you’ve passed the nerd bar exam. if you’ve got questions or concerns, I’m down to try to answer. but if you’ve got a local comic shop to call, call them before the end of the day.

(look at how cute she is. do you want her first book to fail?)

[timingmatters]

Im gonna say it im surprised at the amount of ppl that think Florian is a bad person for cheating on some exams like sjdjdjdjjd. Maybe my high schoolers experience was too marked by mental illness but like… that does not make him a bad person at all it is literally just standardized testing y’all💀 boy still works hard. Also, ppl completely forget his circumstances???? He was scared of failing and being forcedly taken to live with conservative religious family completely against his will. I understand why he felt cornered even if it wasn’t the right thing to do. I just feel like more and more (not just on media like shows but in general) people forget that things arent black and white. Nuance exists, and good people do bad things all the time. He didn’t intend to go #1 or to fuck up Dae. And he prob does have to come clean to help dae with the schoolarship, but it is understandable why he was scared and felt he need to cheat. I’ll take it even one step further and say i would understand if he hesitates about coming clean even after learning about dae. Me personally i would hesitate coming clean and risking being put in a dangerous situation as queer youth bc a person that isn’t my friend might lose a schoolarship tbh. Like i think ultimately i would do the right thing and come clean, and i hope florian does too bc dae doesn’t deserve this BUT I understand if there is hesitation. Something v diff about a person maybe changing schools bc they lose a scholarship vs having to risk my safety going to a religious conservative place to live and be surrounded by them 24/7 and alone. Also you could even argue dae doesn’t even need to have boarding bc it looks like his family home is at a driving distance even if it’s inconvenient 😭

I do hope Dae’s SCHOOLARSHIP is saved. But i think is crazy how many people think florian sucks and Q deserves better simply bc he was scared and did a bad thing. Like cheating on some tests isn’t the end of the world tbh. Is not like he did it for egotistical reasons either. And i 100% side eyed Q for being so hard on florian and his reasoning being “im an athlete i dont believe in that” like sir ur bf just cried to u about being scared for his safety if he doenst get high scores like….. priorities???? I understand being mad AFTER dae’s schoolarship was an issue but before?????????

[definitelynotplanetfall]

How do other countries do history education?

I know I'm doing the cringe thing but Americans are basically not taught about israel in school, at all. If it comes up it'll likely be in the context of literature class, not history.

Do you split up history classes over multiple years? Because the thing about history class is that it's just mostly a huge number of raw facts to remember. It's not like math where if you know certain procedures you can re-derive things you've forgotten; pretty much any such proposed rule of history is likely to be bunk.

So if you take the number of years of history you have to teach times the detail level you're aiming for times the size of the region you're trying to study, you have an estimate (in vague terms, I don't think you can necessarily get an objective number but you can certainly do simple mathematical reasoning on vague variables) for Total History Facts. And then depending on the age of your students and pedagogical methods and probably other factors, you have a Maximum Facts Per Year. You can use these values to determine the level of detail that allows you to cover your desired subject matter within a school year. If this level of detail is unacceptably low, make the full history education take more years and solve for the detail level again.

And someone - teachers, standards writers, textbook writers, whoever - consistently sets the target detail level such that it's impossible for a given US history class to get past the civil war, or they realize they're going too slow and do a really slipshod tour of the events most pertinent to any understanding of the modern world after a really detail-heavy examination of the differences between the 13 colonies. World history is even worse, I don't even remember how far we got because everyone's brain was leaking out their ears by the end but we absolutely did not make it to the present day. World History was the only class where I failed the AP exam, because it's world fucking history dumbass, you can't teach all of it in a year!

And then, of course, when you get to your next history class they just start over from the beginning at a higher level of detail that also peters out around the Civil War, so you never actually learn anything about the 20th century.

So the options are

a) it's actually exactly like this everywhere. (plausible tbh. there is simply a lot of history.)

b) american students are uniquely lazy and stupid. (seems pretty unlikely, and also the failure is pretty consistent - you could argue that even if student ability is the limiting factor, if it happens this reliably it's educators' responsibility to just make the curriculum easier)

c) american educators are uniquely incompetent. (this is less of a judgement against teachers than it sounds like, it could be that they are ordered to do things in a way that sucks by higher ups and there is no mechanism to inform the decisionmakers that anything is wrong. I don't know if the education system is uniquely dysfunctional but it certainly is dysfunctional at all.)

d) some kind of fucking conspiracy or something. (This doesn't seem likely because who could possibly benefit from this particular problem that wouldn't benefit even more from schools dispensing explicit propaganda about events in the 20th century.)

This feels like a really obvious problem with a really obvious solution (more history classes, less total facts per class), everyone who has taken or taught a history class experiences this, and afaict this is not just a mistake that new history teachers make that they calibrate for after teaching for a while. This is EVERYONE'S experience of history classes in the US, it's kind of an open secret, and pretty much nobody ever fucking does anything about it or even mentions it as a thing it might be possible or desirable to do things about.

[kweza]

i’m a pre-nursing student! any advice? :)

sorry for the late reply! i don't know what a pre-nursing program entails exactly but here's some general advice for nursing school:

1. keep a detailed calendar. there's going to be 1001 different things due so it's very easy to lose track of things. time management will save your mental health.

2. make some nursing friends in the first semester. it's good to have a little group to study with/vent.

3. you're probably going to fail a couple of exams. it's not the end of the world and that doesn't mean nursing is not for you.

4. if possible, maybe shadow a nurse? working as a nurse and being in nursing school is two completely different things so having some experience in the field beforehand is great.

5. whenever you can during nursing school, become a CNA (certified nursing assistant) if possible. the experience makes all the difference when you finish nursing school and it's easier to integrate the workplace.

6. use all any extra lab time you can get to practice skills because you might not be able to once you start clinical rotations at the hospital.

7. BUY SECONDHAND BOOKS! (your bank account will be grateful).

8. be prepared for tricky exam questions and lots of critical thinking exercices. it's okay to suck at them, i had the worst time with the multiple-choice quizzes. practice exams online are a great way to study. registerednurseRN on youtube is also a good resource to use.

9. nursing school is basically there to prep you to think like a nurse but not so much work as one. having a hard time at school ≠ being a bad nurse. all of it is really just prep work for the NCLEX. i found that working as a nurse is actually easier than being a student so there is light at the end of tunnel lol.

10. take some breaks often. nursing is a really demanding program to be in and you should take care of yourself as much as you can throughout (or else how could you fully take care of others 😊)

[ley-med]

Hey! I want to apologise in advance because well I'm going to cry about my life in your asks and ruin your mood. I'm a second year? First year student? I'm not sure anymore. I had my first year final exams and got my results 2 days ago. I failed anatomy. Not by just a bit but by 18 marks. People who have not studied even a single day the whole year somehow passed. I was blaming the system, the checkers and what not but my mom kinda said that your failure is your fault more than anyone else's and she's not wrong. I always dreaded studying anatomy, I hated it cuz it was hard, maybe? Idk on the other hand i scored pretty good in biochemistry and physiology. I have a month roughly to prepare for my supplementry exams that are in February and if I pass I can rejoin my batch , I'll be with my friends again. But to study alone this month feels so difficult, fomo as my friends and classmates go to clinics and OT's constantly makes me anxious. My parents are very supportive, they were very positive and that I have gotten a chance to resolve my fear. My mental health is fluctuating so bad, a moment I'm so motivated that I can do it! And the next minute I'm in pits of sadness and dispair. Idk why im sharing all this but as a fellow in medical field I hope maybe i could have a word of encouragement or maybe a reality check. My friends believe hundred percent that I'll pass and I'm hopeful too but my anxiety does not rest. If I fail I'd have to repeat the year and be with my junior batch. Thank you for listening and I'm sorry again.

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry, I feel your pain!

Do you know how many times I failed anatomy? Well I won't say the exact number because that's frankly embarrassing, but I'm probably on some sort of list of "worst students to ever disgrace the halls of the anatomy department"... I failed anatomy and biochemistry and had to repeat first year. Then I failed anatomy and physiology and had to retake second year too... Shit happens.

Do you know why they say med school is hard? It's because it is damn hard. Most students will fail some exams here or there, some will fail more than just a few exams, and very few will pass all of theirs. (Even those who don't study and somehow seem to always pass? Even their luck runs out sometimes). Sometimes it's unfair, and sometimes it's our fault.

Your exam results has nothing to do with how good of a doctor you will become! It's just school, nothing more, nothing less. See me, I was so bad at med school, just terrible at it, and now that I'm a doctor, I might not be the best ever out there, but I'm good at my job.

I know this sucks now, it sucks to fail, and it sucks to study again when you could be doing something else. But it's just an exam, not the end of the world. You cry, then you dry your tears, sit back, and study as hard as you can.

And there is no guarantee you will pass the next time either, passing is never ever guaranteed! You just study and hope for the best. And if you fail again, you cry some more, then realise that maybe your "study as hard as you can" wasn't really your hardest, or you realise you aren't studying effectively and you need to find a way of studying that better suits you. We all have to learn how to study...

And sometimes you just say, fuck it, and pass purely out of spite.

Anyways. Don't compare yourself to others. You live your life, not theirs. And unfortunately, yours now includes some more exams and studying... Allow yourself some time to wallow in despair, you absolutely deserve that relief, but after that, give yourself a pep talk sweetheart and get back to studying. And do something fun, and have some treats! You deserve that too!

And hey? You can do this! I believe in you, anon, you absolutely got this. Just be patient with yourself :)

[yuutakei]

final love song,,weird fishes/arpeggi

sometimes i convince myself i’ve moved on, that there is not a shred of love left inside of me. even still, upon hearing every song we shared, my eyes fail to hold back the ocean of tears that pool at my faltering waterline. it's an unbearable bittersweetness. i feel my heart plunge into to the depths of the sea.

i press play; try to surround myself in a warm darkness. but, my mind is taken back to a warm summer evening. it feels like yesterday.

a rouge dusk falls over mosquito-plagued suburbia skies. my sister had driven us out, knowing it was our last gathering before i moved away. i stood on the supple grass that lay plentiful in a stranger’s yard, clutching to your chest as if the wind had whispered a threat to blow you away with the leaves - holding you impossibly closer. and, through my ears, echoed a mind-bendingly beautiful cover of this song. i was so absorbed in every inch of your existence i couldn't even raise my head to look at the band playing to our left.

unbeknownst partygoers had emerged from within the house to listen, humming and dancing under the falling light as the song drew on. underneath the ripples of fluttering clothes on the washing line, the frightened corners of my lips turned into a smile. looking at you, i felt as if, for the first time, i could see through the clouds in your crystal-blue eyes. softly, they whispered the same words of love that were thrumming inside my beating heart. i felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

that night at your doorstep,

i kissed you for the last time.

✿ ‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̥°̩̥‧̥·̊ ✿ °̩̥‧̥‧̥ ‧̥˚̩̩̥͙·‧̥·̊‧̥ ✿ ͚⠀ٝ 𓉮ֶ⠀ ⠀ 🗡 ⠀♥︎̼̻ ⠀ ⠀ 𓏶⠀

notes:: ⤵⤵⤵

originally wrote this around a year and a half ago!! it was about 2ish months post-breakup and this song came on shuffle...best believe there were some tears i grabbed my phone and started typing into my notes app and ended up with this (although i did tweak it a bit since my writing has changed improved?? over the past twelve months)

we met at college (he was 17 and i was 16) and he reached out after seeing me play guitar in the courtyard to a small crowd. he went through all my friends to find me online and promptly confessed he'd seen me around campus. i'd been a 'hallway crush' of his for some time and had mysteriously disappeared granted i was still attending classes lol, causing a bout of panic. by a stroke of fate, he saw me again on the courtyard stage, with my shitty fender squire i'd been gifted on my 14th birthday playing 'horen sarrionson' (iykyk). i guess it was a 'now or never' moment from then.

we ate lunch together a few times, which turned into hanging out after school, to finding out he was a 10 minute walk from my house, to kissing him in the back of a car after getting lost in a sketchy neighbourhood late at night and needing a pick-up from his mother.

i was his girlfriend for the better part of 9 months. it started off as a dream. he was everything i wanted and having someone care about me and obsess over the parts of me i hated graced me with a comfort i had never felt before. around 2 months before his graduation and my exams, we consecutively shared and experienced the most traumatic parts of our teenage years and had seen the worst parts of each other, some of which never left.

heartbreak sucks!!! i had to break up with the boy i loved over text (we were hundreds of miles away) during a first-period literature class and cry myself to sleep alone in my dorm every night for weeks :')

but love is never wasted.

and i will continue to love and hurt until my bones turn to dust.