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borathae · 3 years

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↳ Index [Chapter 11 - Broken]

Genre: Smut, much Angst, also Fluff

Warnings: sex in a bathtub, succubus roleplay, use of sextoys, bondage, mentions of mommy kink, alcohol consumption, jealousy, sadness, pulling away, relationship issues as a result of mental health issues, unhealthy dependence on each other, tears, they are trying really they are trying

Wordcount: 16.7k (i’m sorry, it’s a lot)

a/n: this is what heartbreak feels like

Work made you cry tonight. You don’t know whether it was the stress of your fight with Jungkook last night or the sex or maybe both, but you cried. You have gotten so used to sex with Jungkook that tonight a customer made you cry. Sex with him never hurts or feels uncomfortable, but your customer reminded you that it can feel different too. You refused to see any more customers afterwards and instead took a cab to Jungkook’s place in hopes of finding refuge there. It was five in the morning and the building was sleeping except for a few business people hurrying off to work.

You were in the building’s lobby when the elevator doors opened and showed you seven people. Six of them left the elevator, one stayed behind.

“Bunny?”

Jungkook lifts his gaze from his phone. Confusion, hurt and worry. The emotions flashed over his face within seconds.

“My love?”

You step inside. The elevator closes behind you. Jungkook steps closer and reaches out to touch your arm. You touch his tummy, soaking up the feeling like a sponge. You feel so safe again. So safe that you want to cry just from the feel of it.

“What are you doing here?” you ask him.

“What are you doing here?” he asks you.

“I wanted to sleep over at your place.”

Jungkook’s face falls in guilty disappointment.

“My love, you should have said something. I’m on my way to work", he whines, reaching up to tug a strand of hair behind your ear.

The elevator moves down to the parking garage. You can barely feel it moving.

“Oh…I see”, you murmur, feeling disappointed but not surprised. You had a gist that Jungkook wouldn’t be here with you, but maybe just maybe you had hoped that today would be different.

“My love, talk to me. What happened?” he asks you. It almost makes you cry. You are in so much pain right now.

“Nothing, I was just tired of working. So I left earlier”, you lie because you were too embarrassed to be honest.

“Yes? Just tired? Are you hurting?”

You look into his eyes, hating your own for feeling glassy. You shake your head.

The elevator stops and opens. Jungkook stares outside, you stare outside.

He sneaks a glance at you.

“Can’t you stay today?” you ask the type of question you thought you would never ask another person.

Jungkook looks outside again then at his watch. He sighs, touching the top of his head in distress.

“My love, I really can’t today. I have to fly to Osaka for a few meetings. It was planned since two months. But I will be back again tonight, I promise.”

“Of course”, you choke out, fighting with your tears, “have a safe flight, Bunny.”

Jungkook steps closer and cups your cheek. He tilts your head up, caressing your skin with his thumb.

“You’re so beautiful”, he whispers and kisses your forehead.

His gesture almost makes you break. You want to cry so bad.

Jungkook pulls back with a heavy heart. He pulls out his wallet and takes out one of his key cards and a black credit card, giving them both to you. He holds your hands after he gives you the cards, caressing your knuckles.

“Everything that’s mine is yours, so please treat yourself to anything you want. If you want food or anything else, use my card. Order everything you want and don’t look at the prices. Okay?”

“Yes, okay”, you whisper.

“I love you ___.”

“I know.”

Jungkook steps outside, staying in front of the elevator until the doors close and the little cabin begins moving again.

You are still sleeping – wearing nothing more than one of his shirts – when Jungkook comes home.

You don’t hear the elevator open and close. You don’t hear Jungkook come into the bedroom and you don’t hear him ask you if you were asleep and then make his way to the bathroom to shower. You don’t hear him come outside and don’t feel him crawl under the blanket with you. You don’t feel him snuggle against you or wrap his arms around you, but you start to feel the soft kisses he leaves on your neck. You feel them until you stir awake to his warm presence.

“Bunny?” your voice is barely audible in sleepiness.

“I’m back from Osaka my love, just like I promised”, he whispers and kisses your cheek, “did you treat yourself to something nice?”

You nod your head.

“Yeah? What did you buy?”

“Warm shoes for winter and I ordered sushi. I’m sorry if that was too much.”

Jungkook stays silent for a second then sighs and kisses your cheek.

“No, it’s not too much. I hope the sushi was yummy.”

You hum a yes. You reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers with his’. You want moments like tonight. You really want them, so why is it so hard sometimes? Even now your tongue refuses to say the words you had been burning to tell him ever since he stormed out of the club on Wednesday. Sorry. It is just one word and yet your tongue refuses to move.

“How was Osaka?” you ask him.

“It was alright, my Japanese is so rusty so I was very nervous at first. But ___?”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t drink today. I really didn’t.”

You smile but feel a tear escape your eye.

“I’m very proud of you.”

Jungkook moves his left arm so he could close it around you and press you back into his chest.

“I was really worried for you today. You looked so sad in the morning. Are you really okay?”

“No”, you press out with a heavy heart.

Jungkook tenses up in worry, moving his head so he could kiss your cheek soothingly.

“What’s wrong?”

You squeeze your eyes shut, crying silent tears.

“My love, what's wrong?”

“Someone was rough.”

“Oh…” Jungkook falls back in the pillows. It may have been a cryptic sentence to many people, but he knows instantly what you mean by that, “why didn’t you say something when I asked you?”

“I don’t know”, you choke out and begin crying. You were embarrassed about it. You didn’t want to tell Jungkook that the work – you so insisted on keeping – made you feel shitty.

“My love, hey. My love, don't cry, please. I’m here now”, he gasps, turning you in his arms to kiss your face, “I’m here now.”

“Jungkook I’m so sorry”, you hiccup and hope that he knows what you mean by that. That you are sorry for working, that you are sorry for hurting him, that you are sorry for crying and that you are sorry for being so scared of commitment.

“It’s alright. My love, it's alright", he assures you in a whisper, working hard with kissing all of your tears away, "it's okay darling, it's alright. Is there something I can do?”

“Don’t leave me please.”

“I won’t, my love I won’t. I love you, alright? I love you.”

“Jungkook”, you cup his face and pull it into your chest, “Jungkook”, and you hug him so tightly that he can’t escape no matter how hard he tries.

You decide to visit him on Monday, despite seeing him all of your weekend. And yet you craved more of him and yet you were going to see him again after such a short amount of time. It felt like an impossible step to take and yet for Jungkook you were willing to stumble, maybe even dying to stumble. You know he works till seven, sometimes eight. You were in front of his door by eight thirty, ringing his bell and waiting for his answer.

“Hello?”

“Food delivery”, you say into the speaker, smiling to yourself and hoping that Jungkook would get the joke.

“Just come up, penthouse”, he says dryly and a second later the door buzzes.

“Huh”, you scoff. Well that was a fail. Oh how embarrassing.

At least you weren’t lying completely. You got the food from your favourite food stand for you and him. Yes exactly, the tteokbokki ramen combo. Oh your mouth was already watering just from the smell of it.

Jungkook is waiting in front of the elevator. His eyes widen when the doors open and reveal your form to him.

“Oh? You?”

“Hey there, I’m so embarrassed because you didn’t get my joke”, you say, “but I actually brought food”, you add, waving the white plastic bag in front of his face, “it’s from my favourite food stand. Tteokbokki and ramen, what we talked about. I call it Rambokki.”

He blinks rapidly.

“W-why are you here?” he stutters.

“I missed you a lot."

“Oh.”

“So I wanted to visit my amazing boyfriend and eat Rambokki with him and maybe uhm…watch a romance movie?”

Jungkook lowers his head, “fuck ___ I-I didn’t expect you here. Why didn’t you call?”

“I wanted to surprise you uhm”, you shimmy from one foot to the other, “can I come inside and kiss you?”

He smiles and blushes, “yes you can”, he whispers, shivering when a second later he feels your lips on his. He twists your shirt at the back, moaning softly. Oh he is in paradise, a paradise which one second later ceases to exist.

“Jungkook”, you pull back, “Jungkook what’s wrong? Why do you taste like whiskey?”

He looks to the side, taking a step back.

“Nothing is wrong, you were just not supposed to see me tonight.”

“What?”

“I drink less, alright? It’s just hard to give it up completely. I wouldn’t have drank if I knew you’d come over.”

“What?” you can’t stop your voice from carrying hurt, “did you buy new booze again?”

Jungkook lowers his eyes, “n-no I didn’t. I-it was from my office. ___ that’s why you need to call.”

“Jungkook…”

“Please don’t sound so disappointed”, he says, sagging his shoulders, “please I had so many meetings today and I was so nervous and then Miss Shin told everybody that I-I harassed her and now they, they a-all look at me a-as if I’m a villain. ___ I don’t know what to do.”

“What?” you gasp, “Jungkook what happened? Who said that?”

“Miss Shin.”

“Who’s that bitch?”

“The woman I slept with and then told I don’t wanna see anymore.”

You scoff, feeling your blood boil in rage.

“And that bitch told everybody that you were the one who harassed her?”

He nods his head and lowers his eyes.

“Didn’t you tell me that she literally groped your dick in the elevator once? And that she shamed you for saying no?”

He nods his head again, squeezing his eyes shut.

Oh you are furious, literally shaking in anger.

“Do you know where she lives?”

“What?”

“Tell me where she lives, I know how to deal with people like that.”

“What? No don’t hurt her”, he gasps.

“Why not? If she can spit shit like that she can take a beating”, you hiss, “seriously I’m gonna fucking kill that bitch if I ever see her. She wants to spread lies about my bunny and make him the villain? Not with me, I’m gonna fucking murder her. Literally skin her alive. I'm gonna take her bones and -"

“Please calm down please”, Jungkook begs, “you’re scaring me.”

You close your mouth and look at him. He seems frightened. You take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I think my past shone through for a moment”, you say, forcing calmness to your voice.

Jungkook whimpers and steps closer. He rests his chin on your shoulder and wraps his arms around your waist. You have him in a tight hold within a second, combing your fingers through his hair and rubbing his back as best as possible with the bag in your hand.

“I’m so sorry for drinking. I’m so fucking sorry. Please don’t be mad, please.”

“I’m not gonna tell you that it’s alright, because it isn’t, but I understand why you did it.”

Jungkook grows smaller in your arms in shame.

“Come on, let’s sober you up a little.”

“How?”

“Cold shower and lots of water.”

You raise your lips from his neck. It is already covered in hickeys. He looks good like that. He'll have a difficult job covering them up, but he likes it like that, it will make the people look at him so much and he can show off that he was your man. Your hips slow down, eyes lingering on the view behind him.

"Don't slow down please", he begs quietly, raising his head to nudge your cheek with his nose, "please more please."

It is not that you have slowed down completely. Your hips are just very, very tender in their movements, barely rocking back and forth.

"This bathtub is fucking insane", you say, running your fingers through his damp hair.

The water around you ripples continuously, forming a pattern of circles and little waves in the model of your movements. It is warm and smells like vanilla. Once there was foam covering you till your collarbones, but that has long sunk, giving view to your connected bodies under the water. You like it better this way. His body is so addicting to look at with his perfect skin and gentle paths. It looks healthier too these days, less pale and frail now that it isn’t constantly poisoned by alcohol. Maybe still a little too skinny, but he is working on that.

"Insane? Why?" he asks breathlessly, nudging your cheek again in an attempt to persuade you to move.

"I mean just look at it", you say, eyes glued to the outside world.

Big windows surround you, showing you the lit up skyline of Seoul. It feels as if you were one with it.

You joined him under the cold shower, holding him when he whined and told you that he didn’t want to continue. And then you made him take a bath with you as a reward for taking the shower so well. A hot, bubbly bath that would make him forget about everything that had happened at work today. And it worked. Jungkook smiled twice already. Twice.

Jungkook looks at the golden candlelight on your features, heart fluttering at the wonder in your eyes.

"This shouldn’t be allowed", you say, "I shouldn’t be able to see the city from my bathtub. Let alone even sit in such a bathtub in the first place."

"Yeah you should", he breathes, stomach tensing when your hips speed up a little, "you d-deserve it."

You look at Jungkook then. His eyes are sparkling even brighter than the city does. He smiles a third time and it makes your heart flutter in happiness.

"You deserve the world", he whispers, moaning softly afterwards.

"Don't talk like this", you murmur.

"Why?"

Your bodies connect in a deep roll of your hips, making both of you shudder in pleasure. You keep the rhythm going, finding support on his shoulders while his hands are caressing your back.

"I don't like you talking like this when we fuck."

"That's not a fuck. That's love making."

"Shut up."

He smiles fondly.

"Accept it", he whispers, rolling his hips up to meet yours.

You moan.

"What?" you ask.

"That this is love making."

"Why? Are we old people?"

He chuckles.

"You're so unromantic sometimes."

"I'm romantic."

He quirks up his left eyebrow.

"Hey", you slap his left pec, making his length throb inside of you.

You draw closer, resting your forehead against his and rocking yourself back and forth. Jungkook moans, eyes falling closed and lips parting. He is burning up. His every nerve feels oversensitive, your body feels twice as intense on him as it normally does. He is so fucking into this right now. The closeness, the warm water and nice scents, the candle light and the feeling of your skin. How beautiful you are. How slow you move but how deep he goes, how his neck tingles in the memory of all the biting and kissing you did, how his nipples throb from all the fondling you did, how his stomach has been tense for the past twenty minutes and how goddamn fucking amazing your warmth feels around him. He loves this so much because it means that you forgave him. It means that what he thought he had broken by giving in to alcohol again can actually be fixed.

"Fine maybe it's love making", you finally agree, leaning down to suck a new hickey to his neck.

"My love", Jungkook keens, swelling inside of you.

You moan and feel your stomach tingle. He is truly the only man who can make you feel like that.

"God Kook you're so big all of a sudden. Makes me feel so good" you rasp, clenching around him, "you're my perfect Bunny."

Jungkook feels himself shake. He is your perfect Bunny. He wraps his arms around you and presses you closer, mewling softly.

"That's it hold me close", you sigh, hugging him tightly.

"I love you", he moans, listening to your racing heartbeat.

"My Bunny", you suck another hickey on his neck to let him know that you feel the same.

"I love you so much."

Jungkook squeezes you closer, throbbing deep inside of you. The new closeness makes your swollen clit rub so magically against his stomach. You curl your toes and moan against his neck, allowing your high to crawl up to you rapidly yet gently.

"I'm really close Bunny", you let him know.

"Please quit your job."

“What?” you gasp, staring at him in confusion.

Your hips don’t slow down, perhaps they even speed up a little. Jungkook moans, heavy eyelids fluttering.

"I don't want it. None of it.”

“Why are you bringing this up right now?”

“I can’t stop thinking about it.”

You fall down on his lap, both of you moan at the sensation. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut.

“Fuck”, he presses out, dropping his head against the edge of the bathtub.

A moan ripples through you, you bite his neck until it stings and roll your thumb over his left nipple.

"Ah", he lets out and squeezes your hips, "my love keep going, please."

“You like that Bunny? You like how I touch you?” you ask him, trying your hardest to get back into the zone.

"Yes, you are s-so-oh god ___ that’s the fucking spot. Holy fuck, you’re gonna make me fucking explode."

"Fuck Bunny, you have the best cock. You fuck me so good", you press out, clenching around him.

He is silent for a little while, moaning so deliciously for you as his body squirms underneath you. And you moan right with him. You don’t want to ignore him, but fuck you are still feeling so good on top of him that are too greedy to give up this sensation. You want to chase it, make it a good memory instead of a bad one.

You suck a hickey right on top of his throat, feeling his moan underneath your lips. He swallows hard, throbs inside of you, squeezes your hips.

Your eyes meet in a dazed gaze, heat tingling in your veins at the new found connection.

"I want to be your only one."

"You are my only one", you insist, clenching around him.

He moans and shudders. He is close too. The sensations are too good for him.

"Then please quit it."

"Let’s talk about this later Bunny, please let us have a nice memory together."

"Okay."

Jungkook moans and grasps your hips, length burning. He meets your movements in the middle, making your pretty face light up in pleasure. Your nails dig into his shoulders, his name rolls off your tongue in a desperate moan. He needs to help you with your decision and show you that only he can make you feel that eternal.

"Are you close, my love?" he asks.

"Almost there, just hold on a little longer", you answer him.

"You're so pretty, you’re so goddamn fucking pretty", he pants, bucking his hips up and pressing your hips into his stomach so your clit would rub against him.

"Jungkook", you squeak and scrunch your face up in bliss.

"Cum for me beautiful, please cum for me", he encourages you in a deep growl and brings you over the edge with five deep thrusts.

"Bunny!" you yelp stumbling over the edge with all you got. You fall into him, shaking in his arms and twisting his hair. Warm waves of pleasure course through you, forcing Jungkook over the edge as well.

He climaxes deep inside of you, holding you close and moaning your name until the syllables sound like those of the loveliest pet name. And Jungkook thinks they are, there is no sweeter word than your name.

You come down together, finding comfort in the other's embrace and relaxing in the warm waters.

"You're the best", you choke out, twirling his wet hair at the nape of his neck between your fingers.

Jungkook moves his head, nuzzling his nose into your neck.

"Then quit your job and let me treat you the way you deserve to be treated", he whispers, outlining your spine with his fingers.

You exhale shakily. You should say yes. You should want to quit your job. Only Jungkook makes you like sex, only he makes you want to be naked and intimate and maybe only he can really turn you on. You know that he does because you find yourself thinking of Jungkook whenever a stranger fucks because only Jungkook can help you with keeping yourself wet enough. You should want to quit your job because everything literally screams at you that it was the right thing to do. Everything except your ugly brain, which keeps on telling you to keep working in order to stay independent.

"Jungkook please give me time", you force out.

He sighs in disappointment.

"I don't understand why you want to continue working. It hurts you and makes you feel shitty."

You stay silent, squeezing your eyes shut while at the same time hugging him tighter.

"All I want is to treat you better. I want to give you a good home and safety and I…" he takes a deep breath. Silence. He runs his hands down to your hips and then to your ass, caressing it softly, "...I'm gonna fuck you the way you deserve to be fucked. Long and sensual, quick and messy, slow and loving, fast and kinky...", he presses a kiss to your shoulder, "...and never painful", he adds in a soft whisper, raising his head.

You are holding your breath, staring into his beautiful eyes. Even now they are sparkling for you, even now when the fate of your relationship sits on the tip of your tongue they are filled with adoration.

"Jungkook", you lower your eyes, "please give me more time."

He sighs.

"Why are you refusing my help? I just want to help you."

"Why are you pressuring me? I told you I need time", you hiss.

Jungkook blinks in surprise.

"Why are you so angry? I was literally just trying to have a normal conversation."

"No, you were being pushy again", you say and slide off of him, sitting down on the opposite side of the bathtub with your arms crossed in front of your chest.

Jungkook looks at you, gnawing on his lower lips and furrowing his brows as his brain works overtime with figuring out what to say.

"Why do you want to continue working?"

"You know that you’re being kinda hypocritical right now?" you hiss, "on our date you gave me this big speech about how my profession would be the last thing that’d scare you off and now you want me to quit it? Did you just say that to impress me or something?"

"What? I-", Jungkook's forehead creases, "-no of course not, I…." he falls silent as if he had just realised what he had done.

He looks at you and sighs. Then he moves closer, making the water splash up to your neck. He places his legs around you and pulls you into his body, hands resting on your hips.

"Fine. Then tell me what you want", he says.

"What?"

"Tell me how you want this relationship to work."

"I, I-I…" now you are panicking, staring at him with big eyes. He was not supposed to put the responsibility on you. He was supposed to explode in jealousy so you can run away. That's what everyone did. Why did he mess up your plan?

"Tell me and I'll try to understand you", he says softly and dances his hands up and down your sides.

You feel so fucking dizzy.

How do you want this relationship to work?

This is such a big question. How are you supposed to answer something that important when you have no idea what you actually want? You know that you don’t want to lose Jungkook. You know that you want to spend time with him. You know that he makes you happier and that life feels so easy with him. But you also know that you don’t want to give up your job because of him. And you feel awful admitting that to yourself, because you always thought that once you found the right guy you would give up your job. And if not even Jungkook, the man who literally makes you want to let another person in again and makes you fuck raw in a bathtub and who makes you want to be gentle and tender, can make you want to give up your job then are you actually already a lost cause?

“An open relationship”, and so you say the one thing that will give you a chance at seeing him while you take time to figure out what you want in your fucked up life.

“What?” he asks, voice carrying shocked hurt.

Your heart feels awful.

“I promise you not to see anyone else and that I will tell everyone that you’re my boyfriend, but I just…” you exhale shakily, “…I can’t give up my job. Not now, not after such a short time, not so spontaneously. I-it was my identity for almost a decade now and I just…” you meet his glassy eyes, “…I can’t do that so easily. I need more time to, to figure things out.”

“And you want an open relationship?"

"Yes. Maybe? I don’t know. Yes?"

"You’re okay if, theoretically, I had sex with other women beside you?”

You look into his eyes and feel your stomach twist funnily. It felt like a tiny little twinge, like you ate a cherry pit and it is now sitting in your stomach wrong. It is the strangest feeling.

“It…" you lower your eyes, "it'd be hypocritical of me if I wasn’t”, you laugh painfully, “I ask you to accept the fact that I have to fuck dudes, but become angry when you fuck other girls? That’d be hypocritical.”

Silence. You can hear nothing. Not even your own heartbeat. It is like you were sitting in a chamber of vacuum and were slowly suffocating.

Jungkook presses out a painful laugh, making your head shoot up.

“Fuck I don’t know what to say ___. I expected everything but this”, he says and scoots away from you, “can you give me time?”

“Yes of course, please take your time. I know that I’m asking a lot of you.”

“Yeah you kinda are.”

Your eyes meet. He looks so broken. You feel broken too.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, just…" he turns his head away and scoffs, hitting the edge of the bathtub gently.

“Should I leave?” you ask almost inaudibly.

“I think you should.”

“Okay, then…I’ll be going then.”

“Yes, it’s best if you did.”

You meet him again on Friday. It was in front of your apartment. He was waiting for you, sitting on the stairs when you came home from grocery shopping. You haven’t seen or heard from him ever since the thing in the bathtub. It made you worry and also feel shitty. The view of him makes you feel weirdly better however. So he isn’t ghosting you.

And while it made you feel relieved, it also made you feel anxious. He looked so hurt in the bathtub. He didn’t even get out when you left or followed you to the elevator or kissed you goodbye. He just kept on sitting in the water, staring outside as you pat yourself dry and then left with a heavy goodbye.

What if he came here to tell you that he doesn’t want an open relationship?

“Jungkook?”

He raises his head.

“Hey there”, he says and smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes

“Hey, uhm. What are you doing here? Everything okay?” you ask, fumbling with the strap of your grocery bag.

“I got you these. Flowers”, he says, showing the white flowers to you “baby’s breath”, he laughs painfully, “I don’t know man, honestly I don’t know.”

You study him. He is drunk. You know he is because you’ve memorised the way his body moves when intoxicated. Fuck. He drank again.

“Why don’t we go inside for a bit?” you offer, swallowing down the painful lump in your throat.

Jungkook stands up and wobbles.

“I was getting worried, I thought maybe you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“No, I was busy working”, he says and somehow you get the feeling that he was lying.

“Ah, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. You always work so hard”, you say and give him a smile.

Jungkook looks at it before looking to the side and grinding his teeth. Well fuck.

He follows you inside, kicking off his sneakers by the door and wobbling to the couch to fall down on it. He is really drunk. Fuck. Why was he drinking again?

“I’m happy you’re here tonight. I got five hundred on the hand last night, so I went grocery shopping and bought lots of things. I was planning on making this really yummy curry with rice and side dishes and everything”, you say, storing away the groceries.

“Yeah? So a stranger was nice enough to give you a little extra after he got to fuck you real good, is that it?”

You turn.

He is staring at you with his jaw clenched.

The air is so tense that one could probably cut it with a knife.

What do you say in such a situation? You don’t want to make it worse, but also don’t want to ignore him. You get why he is pissed. You promise him a relationship but still continue fucking other dudes. If you were big on commitment, you’d be pissy too.

“I’m sorry for bringing him up.”

Jungkook scoffs and looks away.

“Whatever.”

You turn back to your groceries afterwards, feeling a lot less better about him being here with you than you did before. Is that why he drank? Did you make him drink again? You feel so fucking guilty.

Once you have put his flowers into a glass of water and placed it next to the collection of Jungkook’s flowers you love all very much, you sit down next to him.

“Drink this”, you tell him, handing him a bottle of water.

“Thanks”, he says, discarding it on the sofa.

You snatch it away and press it into his hand again.

“I said. Drink this”, you say sternly.

He stares at you, eyes slightly widened.

“I’m not going to repeat myself again.”

“Fuck”, he presses out, “fine I’ll drink it.”

You watch him until he swallowed even the last drop.

“There”, he turns the empty bottle upside down, “happy?”

“Yes, good boy”, you praise, tugging a strand of hair behind his ear.

He scoffs and crumbles up the bottle, throwing it into your bin across the room but missing.

“Fucking shit”, he hisses, standing up.

“Leave it, I’ll clean up later”, you say, pulling him back on the couch.

You keep your fingers around his arm, he is staring at the floor with his jaw clenched.

“I know you drank tonight.”

“Oh give me a damn break”, he hisses, “is that all you have to say to me?”

“Yeah well, yeah? We did that whole ritual and you felt so relieved and you promised me to get better and, and”, you blink to get rid of the burn in your eyes, “you wanted to drink less, didn’t you?”

“And I am!” he furrows his brows, “why can’t you accept that I am trying? It’s just so hard sometimes. It’s so fucking hard.”

“Did that bitch say something again?”

“No, she’s sick this week”, he murmurs, hitting his own thigh.

"Good. I hope she stays sick for a long time", you murmur and reach out to caress his knee, "what's bothering you handsome?"

Jungkook grinds his teeth and lowers his head.

“I’m not asking you to change yourself for me, so why do I have to change?” he whispers.

"I don't understand. I don’t want you to change. What makes you think that I do? Is this about the open relationship?"

He nods his head.

“I’m not forcing you to agree to it. I know open relationships aren’t for everyone.”

“But…I just want to be with you. I’m so fucking fed up with feeling like shit”, he presses out and hits his thigh, “and I fucking can’t without you ___.”

“Well…I want to be with you too Jungkook”, you say, holding his hand so he finally stops hitting himself.

“It just sucks”, he presses out.

“What sucks?”

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“I – “, you blink in confusion, “Jungkook I’m not stubborn. What the hell?”

“Yeah you are, everything I do is wrong. I just want to take you out for coffee and you keep me tangling for a month before agreeing groggily to go on a date with me. I just want to commit to my girlfriend and you want to continue sleeping with other men. I, I can’t do anything right.”

You sigh. It hurts you. You can feel it in your heart that his words hurt you and fuck, it twists your stomach in panic because that is all the voice in your head warned you of.

“I’m going to keep it nice because I know that you have a lot going on Jungkook”, you start with a shaky voice, “but you don’t have to agree to the open relationship. I’m not one for commitment or letting people in, but I’m trying so hard to show you that I want to do it for you. A-and the open relationship is only temporary until I figured my shit out."

Jungkook hits his own thigh before reaching out and placing his hand on your knee. He squeezes it tightly but his thumb caresses you almost tentatively soft.

“Why can’t I be the only one for you?” he asks you, staring at you with reddened eyes.

You blink quickly, feeling dizzy. You lower your eyes, pulling your leg away from his hand but he chases you.

“Why do you still want to work when it hurts you so much?”

"I can't answer this, please don’t ask me this all the time", you whisper.

"No, please answer me. It hurts me so much to stand idly by and watch how some men treat you. It hurts me so much when you cry because someone was rough. And I know it hurts you too, so why do you want to continue? Why?"

"I don't know Jungkook, I literally don’t know."

Jungkook looks at you and clenches his jaw.

“It just sucks, alright?”

“What sucks?”

“The thought that we’re dating but that I have to share you with other men, who don’t even treat you well on top of that.”

“You don’t have to agree to the open relationship Jungkook, I am not forcing you to.”

“Right and when I don’t agree I can’t see you anymore. Because that’s the better option”, he spits, silencing you.

You didn’t even think of that.

"You didn’t think of that, did you?"

You lower your eyes.

He scoffs and looks away.

“Fuck why do I always have to fall in love with women not willing to commit?” he murmurs.

“What?”

“You heard me, first her and now you. I always end up being the one who’s getting strung along or having to compromise or bend my will to her wishes.”

“I’m not stringing you along. We are dating. You’re my boyfriend. There I said it.”

He looks at you, studying your features.

“Also don’t ever compare me to her again. I’ve been damn more honest with you than she ever was, so don’t give me that bullshit.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry for breathing. I’m not gonna say it again even if it’s the truth.”

You click your tongue. Whatever he drank tonight made him an asshole, that much is sure. You sigh. Fuck. This is all so complicated.

He sighs and buries his face in his hands.

"Just once I wanna be someone’s only one", he presses out and whimpers.

Or maybe you are the asshole here. Maybe you are the one being unfair. Fuck. You reach out and intertwine your fingers with him. You lean forward, littering his face with soft kisses in hopes that this will be enough to heal him.

Jungkook squeaks quietly and shudders in a sob.

"Bunny please don’t cry please."

"Why am I not enough for you?"

"You are enough for me. I-I'm just so complicated and weird and I, I just need more time to, to let all of this go."

Jungkook lifts his head.

"Two months", you say and cup his face, "give me two months to get used to all of this and then I will quit it."

"Two months?"

"Yes, two months, not more, a-and then I will quit it."

"Why not now?"

You close your mouth and drop your hands from his face.

"Jungkook please, I am doing everything I can. Please I wanna be your girlfriend and I wanna be with you, but I just need a little bit more time."

Jungkook pouts sadly.

"And I'll stop working on Wednesday!", you blurt out, "I'll tell Miss Boss that I'll only work Thursday and, and Friday from this day forward."

Jungkook buries his face in his hands and sighs. He was silent for only ten seconds but it felt like ten hours in your panic ridden mind.

"Fine. Two months. I'll give you two months to figure shit out."

"Thank you. Seriously, thank you so much."

"Yeah, whatever", he presses out and turns away.

You scoot closer and touch his inner thigh, because you feel terrible and want to show him that he is your only one. And maybe because having sex is the only kind of apology you have perfected.

Jungkook moves his leg away, "I'm not in the mood", he murmurs.

"Of course, do you wanna do something else instead?"

"Like what?"

"Wanna help me make curry?"

“Sure, if I can stand, because I’m fucked tonight.”

You sigh, “oh Jungkook…”

He came to your work on Friday. He took your first shift and paid for all the remaining hours. You stripped to your underwear and took off your masks, but you didn’t fuck, you just sat and looked at the other while in the neighbouring room Cutie was calling someone "a nasty fucker" over and over again.

"Is that what you want ___?" he asks you, sitting cross legged in front of you and holding your hands.

"What do you mean?"

"Is that how you wanna spend our Fridays? Sitting on this rancid bed while listening to your friends getting fucked badly?"

"If I leave now Miss Boss will ask why I left with a customer. It's against the rules, I have to stay here."

"My love, we've long become illegal in your club's fucked up rulebook. Also fuck Miss Boss, she’s a literal dictator. So it's illegal for you to fall in love with one of your customers? What the hell? Why is it her right to know who you fall for?"

"She just wants our best and to protect us from creeps."

"I have witnessed you play wrestle before, I know you can fend for yourself very well if an actual creep wanted to harass you. Your boss just wants to make sure that you don’t leave and make her lose income."

"Jungkook it's just seven more weeks, please stop talking about this please."

Jungkook studies your features for a moment before sighing in defeat. He comes closer and begins trailing kisses on your shoulders and neck. It surprises you and confuses you but also turns you on.

"Let's leave tonight", he whispers, "let's get Rambokki and eat it on my boat."

"Your boat?"

"Yes", he nibbles on your ear, "I have a TV on the boat. Let's watch a horror movie too. I heard Us is really great."

“Really?” you ask, melting on the spot like a stick of ice cream.

“Yes, really. Come on, let’s do it”, he pulls back and smiles, “we'll make a nice evening out of tonight, your poopy boss won’t even realise that we’ve snuck out” he asks and leans closer to peck your lips, “alright?”

“Yes, alright”, you agree and for a short moment – as you and him hurried out of the club hand in hand and giggling – you wanted to tell him that you love spending time with him, but you didn’t because you were so scared to say something so personal out loud.

Jungkook drew closer once the movie was halfway done, sharing a blanket with you and letting his right hand wander to more intimate places ever so often. He had also stripped out of his clothes again, sitting beside you in only his briefs and whimpering softly whenever one of your fingers brushed over his terribly sensitive nipples.

“Jungkook concentrate”, you whisper, doing very little to actually stop him. Maybe you were even riling him up more.

Jungkook lifts his face from your neck and moans softly.

“I can’t. You smell so good”, he rasps and touches your inner thigh. You shiver and part your legs.

“Concentrate.”

“Can I eat your pussy please?” he asks needily, brushing his pointer finger over your core softly.

“Bunny…”

“Or maybe suck on your boobs? Please?”

“Jungkook the movie”, you press out, brushing your fingers over his cock accidentally.

Jungkook whimpers, nuzzling his nose into your neck like a needy little bunny.

“Please mommy play with me.”

You heard it and felt the effect it had on you and this time around you reacted. Holy fuck. Jungkook is your boyfriend goddamn it. He is so perfect.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have said that”, you rasp, straddling his lap and taking off your shirt.

Jungkook moans, staring at your exposed tits obsessively.

“Go on Bunny, use those pretty lips of yours.”

“Yes mommy.”

Jungkook has been excited for today ever since Monday. Today was your one month anniversary. He has been with you for one month and while there were days which made him sad, today wasn’t such a day. Because today was your one month anniversary. He put a reminder for it in his phone, wrote it down on a little post-it and stuck it to his fridge and told his assistant to remind him about it as well just so he can finally experience how it feels like to hear the words "Sir, you and your girlfriend celebrate your anniversary today". They felt amazing to hear and made him giggle and work even harder.

He also told you in the morning, once he finally lifted his mouth from your pussy, that he can’t wait for tonight. You acted confused which made him giggle in excitement. Oh he can’t wait to see what you had planned for him.

Maybe you cooked dinner and plan on serving it all romantic with music and candles. Maybe you got him a present and he can open it sitting on your lap. Maybe you wait for him in sexy clothes and he can unwrap you as his present. Maybe you wait for him wearing your strap because he made sure to send hints your way throughout the week. Oh Jungkook is so excited to come home tonight.

He meets you in front of the elevator.

"Oh", he gasps, stumbling back as you collide with him.

"Oh damn", you gasp and fix your coat, "oh hey babe, you’re home early."

Jungkook studies you from head to toe. You aren’t wearing sexy clothes or your strap, you look like you want to leave the penthouse. You step inside the elevator and press the button for the lobby.

"I don't understand. What is happening?" Jungkook asks, feeling his heart sting weirdly.

"Mhm?" you look at him, "I'm going to work."

Jungkook feels his heart shatter.

"What did you just say? You are going to work?" he asks shakily.

You look at the Rolex Jungkook gave you this morning. The present still confuses and enrages you.

"Yeah, uhm. It's six, the club opens at seven. I need to leave or I’ll be late."

"Why?"

"Because that's when my shift starts."

"Why?"

"I don't get that question."

"Holy fuck", he presses out and throws his hand over his mouth.

You don’t like the tone of his voice or the distress in his eyes.

"What’s the matter?"

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and sobs.

"Bunny what's the matter? Did this bitch say something today?"

"It's our anniversary today!" he yells.

You stare at him, frozen on the spot. It all makes sense now. The amazing oral he gave you this morning, the expensive watch as a gift, the cute, smiley selfies he sent you throughout the day, how excited he was when you were genuinely confused. It was your one month anniversary today and you genuinely forgot. You forgot because stuff like that wasn’t important to you until now, maybe you thought them even stupid.

"Did you actually forget?" he chokes out, shoulders shaking and mouth hidden behind his hand.

"I-I...Jungkook I...ah fuck...Jungkook", you stutter, shimmying from one foot to the other.

"Oh my god", he squeaks out and sinks in on himself, burying his face in his knees and sobbing loudly.

"Bunny no, of course I didn’t forget. I was just kidding, I was on my way to...way to your work to surprise you", you lie, kneeling down to wrap your arms around him.

"Liar!" he yells and looks at you with heartbreak in his eyes, "you were on your way to fuck with other men on our anniversary."

"Jungkook...no...I-"

"I'm doing so much for you! I gave you those two months and stopped talking shit about your boss. I hold you when a customer makes you cry and I don’t say a word. I work my ass off to stay away from booze even if sometimes you make me wanna drink! I'm not asking you for much, all I wanted was to feel special for one night."

"You are special Kookie, you’re my most amazing and special Bunny", you try and cup his cheeks but he shakes you off.

“You are literally the most selfish woman I have ever seen”, he presses out and sobs.

“What?” you ask, feeling your heart pinch painfully.

“Is it so hard for you to just do something for me? Are you seriously so obsessed with yourself that doing anything decent for other people sounds like the biggest punishment ever?”

You feel your eyes sting in tears. You know that he was right. In the past being nice to other people ended in pain and ruthless punishments for you.

“Yes Jungkook it’s fucking hard! Each time I tried to do anything other than something for myself I ended up hurt.”

“Not with me!” his voice bounces off the elevator walls, “I’m doing everything not to hurt you! I just want you to do something nice for me sometimes because I love you and I wanna feel like you love me too!"

You look into his fiery yet sad eyes. You think you love him. You feel for him in the exact ways you imagine being in love feels like. You want to do more for him. You really want to do more for him and commit to him and be happy with him, but you can’t. You literally can’t. It is as if your brain is holding you back from breaking through your own walls and you are screaming and wailing and begging it to let you go because you want to get over those walls and embrace Jungkook in the ways you want to embrace him, but then your brain pulls at your arms harder until it hurts so much that you have to stop fighting in order not to dislocate both of your shoulders. And then it drags you back into the dark corner you escaped from, kicks you in the face and tells you to stay where you are supposed to stay. And when you ask it why? why is it doing this to you? it leans down and wipes the tears from your cheeks and tells you that this is the only way to keep you safe. This is how it feels like. You are being held hostage by your own sadistic, fucked up brain.

"I do", you whisper.

"Then say it. Show it. Put it into actions. I don’t know, just anything."

You hold your breath and stare at his lips. A shaky exhale of breath and a soft sob from Jungkook. A second of silence. Then the distance between you and him has been erased.

Jungkook’s lips tremble as you kiss them, he squeaks out a whimper. You press yourself close to suck on Jungkook’s lower lip and bite down on it. He sobs and breaks away.

"Now tell me that you will stay tonight", he presses out.

"What?"

"Don't go to work tonight."

Silence for so long that Jungkook has to lift his head and look at you.

"Pretty fell sick and I was supposed to take over her hours", you whisper.

"Holy shit", he presses out and sobs miserably.

"Ah god, no baby, my love I'm sorry I said the wrong thing...fuck. Bunny please don’t cry, I-I'll call work and stay with you. Please Jungkook please", you stutter panicky, trying your hardest to calm him down.

He sobs even now when the elevator doors open and everyone in the lobby stares at you with big eyes. You don’t really notice them either, only when they step into the elevator with you and force you and Jungkook into a corner do you feel their suffocating presence as they hover over your kneeling forms.

"Hush Bunny, please stop crying please", you whisper, hugging Jungkook and forcing him to muffle his sobs in your shoulder.

"You're so selfish, you’re so fucking selfish."

"Okay, Kookie, okay I'll stay with you. I’m sorry, I’ll stay with you. Please I'll stay with you", you beg, petting his hair desperately.

"No", he breaks away and stumbles to his feet, "no it's too late for that."

“Jungkook please don’t run away”, you call out, reaching for his hand but grabbing air.

He is already too far away, running away like you normally always do.

"Jungkook, honey please I'm sorry I said the wrong thing!"

The doors close, you stumble back into the elevator and sob loudly.

Why are you so fucking mean to him?

You are awake when Jungkook comes home. You waited for him by the elevator, crying until your throat ached. He comes home when the sky was turning silver and blue again.

The elevator opens and Jungkook stumbles into the penthouse. His clothes are messy, his hair ruffled and his face red in intoxication.

“Jungkook? My love”, you gasp, rushing to his side.

"Oh hey? The selfish woman is still here”, he lulls, “I fucked two women tonight and you? How many guys did you fuck tonight?” he spits.

You feel your heart sting and you feel terrible because you know that it was not your right to feel jealous right now. You made him do it.

"None, I stayed here and waited for you. I was so worried for you my love", you say and reach out to hold his waist.

But he pushes you off, stumbles back. His knees buckle suddenly, gravity wins and he falls, hitting his head on the elevator door rather hard, “f-fuck.”

“Jungkook!” you exclaim, throwing yourself on your knees, "holy fuck are you okay?" you yell the question at him because you are so worried. You cup his face with sweaty palms, staring at the red, swollen spot on the side of his face.

He groans, eyes barely open.

"Holy fuck Kookie", you press out and sob, touching the swelling in an attempt to soothe it.

"Ah!" he exclaims and flinches away, "don't touch me."

"Jungkook please stand up, please let's sober you up, please", you beg and tug on his arms.

Jungkook makes himself heavier.

“You fucking dick stand up", you grunt and use your worried anger to lift him off the ground.

“Don’t call me that", he gasps, feeling so shocked that he can’t even protest against you wrapping his arms around your neck.

“Yeah? Well, what else are you? Do you really think I don’t feel shitty for fighting with you? Of course I do, I cried too, okay?”

“Good, I hope you did”, he murmurs and stumbles again.

“Hold onto me, just hold onto me Kook.”

You drag him through the penthouse, taking little care for his well being. You are so angry and worried and upset. He drank again, because of you he drank again. This is the kind of pain your ugly brain warned you off and now it is gawking at you and laughing at you as you suffer the consequences of your attempt at fleeing from the dark corner. You drag him to your bathroom and force him to kneel down in front of the toilet.

“Now throw up.”

“I can’t.”

You take his hand and force him to lift his pointer and middle finger.

“You are going to make yourself throw up then.”

“No.”

“Do I have to stick my fingers down your throat instead? I can gladly do that.”

“No!” he lifts his head, “why are you so mean? Stop being so rough with me or calling me names.”

“Why not? Why the fuck not?”

“Because it hurts me.”

“Well, it hurts me too to see you like that”, you press out, eyes filling with tears.

“It’s your fault.”

“What?” you look at him, cheeks wet in silent tears.

Jungkook looks at your face, lower lip trembling uncontrollably.

“You were supposed to be different”, he chokes out.

“Different from who? Her?”

He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to. His eyes tell you everything you need to know.

“Stop comparing me to her.”

“I can’t, I literally can’t. You were supposed to be different, better. You were supposed to commit to me, be my partner…you were supposed to make me happy.”

“Stop putting me on this high pedestal!” you yell, making Jungkook stumble back. You never yell at him.

“Do, do you even know how much fucking pressure you put on me? Do you even know how awful it makes me feel when you keep making me responsible for your happiness? I’m fucked up Jungkook!”

You inhale loudly, painfully even.

“I’m selfish and narcissistic and a fucking bitch and you knew what you were signing up for when you wanted to date me. I don’t know how to do relationships a-and I fuck up so much because of it. And I know I made a mistake tonight and I'm so fucking sorry for it!"

You wheeze and sob, feeling your throat constrict.

"But I wanna learn and I’m doing everything that I can! I wanna see you happy and, and I care for you, even if you think I’m not!” you yell and sob, throwing your hands over your face to hide your tears from him, “I care for you, please believe me.”

“___”, Jungkook presses out, closing the distance between you and him. He pulls your hands away, connecting his lips with yours in a desperate kiss. You squeak and startle, pushing him off of you and stumbling back.

“Why did you do that?”

Jungkook stares at you with widened eyes, “I-I thought that-“

“No, you didn’t. Don’t kiss me.”

“I’m sorry”, he whispers and comes closer so he could hug you instead.

“Get away”, you squeak, pushing him away so harshly he stumbles and falls against the toilet bowl.

He blinks rapidly, expression morphing into that of hurt.

“You’re pushing me away?” he asks. You both know what he actually means by that question. That you are not only pushing him away physically but also emotionally.

You shake your head violently, crawling away from him.

He follows you, chasing you out of the bathroom until your back hits your bed.

“Don’t run away” he presses out. He hugs you again. You push him away. He tries a second time, using more strength.

“Don’t hug me”, you push his arms away.

Jungkook whimpers and tries again.

“Please”, you sob, “please just leave me”, you beg, pushing him away.

Jungkook grabs your wrists. A sob shakes his shoulders, his face is contorted in pain.

“Don’t push me away.”

You shake your head vigorously and sob, “please just leave me Jungkook, please just leave me”, you beg in painful sobs.

“No.”

“Please leave me, please leave me, I can’t do more for you, please Jungkook please just leave me”, you wail.

Jungkook pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you. He presses you so close that you can feel his racing heartbeat on your cheek, he presses you so close that your vision is filled with nothing more than his body, he presses you so close that your nose is filled with the smell of his cologne. And he presses you so close that you can’t push him away again.

Jungkook whimpers, twisting his fingers in your hair and burying his tearstained face in the crown of your head.

“I love you ___, I love you so much.”

Why isn’t he leaving you? Why is he still trying? Why does he still see something in you? Why is he making it so hard to push him away?

"Jungkook." You sob, you sob so loudly that your throat hurts, pulling him closer until he feels as if he is part of you.

And later that night you make rough, messy love to him until your hearts don’t ache anymore and for only a few hours life feels so much easier again until the illusion gets destroyed by Jungkook’s protesting stomach.

Jungkook convulses, face contorted in utter and raw pleasure, the kind he hasn’t felt in weeks.

"Fuck, not again", he chokes out and begins shaking uncontrollably.

He woke up tied to his bed this morning and with your lips wrapped around his aching cock. You were supposed to be the insatiable succubus and he was supposed to be your innocent, helpless victim. Just like you and him talked about. He knows that it was your version of an apology.

Jungkook agreed without hesitation, allowing you to use his body how you pleased. And soon he was the helpless man, begging you for mercy as you ran your greedy hands along his skin to the melodies of the city waking up. It was the most sensual thing you have ever done with someone, especially because Jungkook looked so pretty when he arched and squirmed and stretched his limbs to their limit.

"I can't again, p-please not again..urgh!", he keens, biting the pillow and arching his back before he shakes uncontrollably.

His skin was glistening in sweat and the oil you used on him to massage his every inch. The massage was foreplay and your attempt at showing him that he was your number one. The real play began when you placed one of his vibrators on the bed. You found it in his bedside drawer when you were looking for a tissue to clean your hands with. Jungkook wanted you to use it on him the moment you pulled it out of the drawer with a surprised "is that yours Bunny?"

Oh he hasn’t shaken that much in a long time and he still is, squirming on the sheets helplessly with his limbs all tied up by thick, red ropes and his cock burning in oversensitivity.

"Mercy! My demon goddess mercy!"

"Then say it."

"I'm your bitchboy! My devotion is yours!"

"Yes? Are you finally willing to sell your soul to me?" you taunt, running the magic wand up to his achingly sensitive cockhead.

Jungkook wails, staying on the mattress with only two parts of his body. The soles of his feet and the upper part of his shoulders.

"You have my soul!" he screams, fucking the air aggressively.

"Perfect. Now all I need from you is to seal the deal. Cum for me bitchboy."

Jungkook sobs, shaking his head vigorously before one movement of the magic wand on his burning tip forces him to orgasm uncontrollably.

“Holy fucking shit!”

He drops afterwards, wheezing painfully as his body still continues to twitch.

"Fuck", he chokes out, breaking into uncontrollable tears.

"Holy shit Bunny, hey what's wrong?" you gasp, dropping everything to undo the ties in an instant.

Jungkook tells you his answer with loud sobs but no words as he rolls into a little ball.

"Are you in pain? Jungkook it's okay, you did so well”, you soothe him, picking him up in your arms.

And Jungkook clutches you obsessively, covering your skin in a mixture of his tears, drool and snot as he continues crying loudly. This was his breaking point, the emotional catalyst he needed to finally let go of all the pressure on his chest his jealousy forced him to experience.

"You're my Bunny, do you hear me Kookie? You’re my best Bunny", you choke out before breaking into tears as well. This was all you needed, the emotional outlet to finally let go of all the pressure on your chest your guilt forced you to feel.

“So what are you going to do now?” Hyejin asks.

“You’re going to break up with him right?” Wheein asks, shifting on the couch and throwing her legs over Byulyi’s lap.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do now, alright?” you hiss, sinking down on the couch and burying your face in your hands, “I care so much for him.”

“That’s why I stay away from dating my customers”, Byulyi says.

“Oh shut up with your cold attitude, we don’t need that right now”, Hyejin spits.

“Unprovoked much?” she answers her before clicking her tongue, “but fine, you can do this ___ I believe in you.”

You scoff, “that’s not helping girl.”

“Fine, I’ll just shut my mouth from now on.”

“I don’t know what to do guys. Fuck why did I let him inside?”

“Have you tried talking to him?” Yongsun suggests, looking up from her phone. She was currently texting with her boyfriend, telling him that she would be coming home later because one of her friends was having a crisis over a boy.

“Of course I did, but I can’t do more than talk to him. He has to take the next step and actually stop drinking that fucking poison.”

“Wait, we are talking about his drinking habits? I thought we’re talking about the time he fucked two women”, Byulyi gasps.

“Cutie!” you all exclaim in unison, sending her dark looks.

“Listen, it’s not my fault when you list five different relationship issues. I get confused about shit like that.”

“Fuck you’re unbelievable”, Hyejin says, rolling her eyes, “yes we are talking about his drinking issues, not the damn threesome.”

“But the threesome isn’t bothering you?”

You stay silent for a moment, grinding your teeth before punching your own thigh softly.

“I…don’t think it does.”

“Just like it doesn’t bother you when he asked you if he could get a blowjob by some stranger?”

You grind your teeth and look to the side, hitting your thigh stronger.

Byulyi pushes off Wheein’s legs and straightens up.

“Because it seems to me that it is bothering you and you just want to act like only his drinking bothers you because confessing that literally nothing in this relationship is worth it would only hurt your pride.”

“Shut up!” you yell at her, making the girls flinch. Everyone except Byulyi, who is staring at you with a knowing look on her face.

“Of course it bothers me, alright? But I’m not saying anything because I’d be a complete hypocrite. I was the one who suggested the open relationship and now I’m the one being jealous. But it just…bothers me so much.” You look to the side and punch your own thigh hard. “Fuck”, you press out.

Byulyi settles back on the couch, pulling Wheein’s legs back on her lap.

“Fuck I’m such a fucking hypocrite, but it just makes me angry to imagine Jungkook getting fucked by other people. It just feels so different because he was actively looking for it, I have to do it. You know?” you look at the girls, “does this make me a complete hypocrite?”

“Kinda yeah, especially because he offers you a better life and you keep refusing him”, Yongsun says, nodding her head.

“Fuck I know”, you spit, letting your head tangle to the front, “and then all the drinking. Maybe it’d have bothered me a little less if he wouldn’t have fucking reeked of alcohol he came home from it. I know he’s only fucking other people when he’s drunk and it just…”

Your eyes fill with tears and you hate that they do, because it means that you gave Jungkook enough power to make you cry in front of other people.

“…it just fucking hurts alright?”

“Break up with him girl”, Wheein says matter-of-factly.

“Honestly? I agree with Wheein”, Byulyi says, pointing at the black haired woman.

“Maybe I actually have to…” you watch the tears fall on your hands, “…I just thought we’d be different. It felt like we were two puzzle pieces, confusing and with weird edges when we’re alone, but when we’re together…” you intertwine your own fingers and squeeze your own hand, “….one perfect picture.”

You drop your hands and sigh. “Why did we have to turn out to be so fucking wrong for each other?”

“You really like him, don’t you?”

“I let him inside, that’s all you need to know.”

“Well fuck ___.”

You agree with a scoff before breaking into sobs.

You don’t break up with, instead you accept a pair of key cards to his apartment and let him fall asleep on your chest while his skin smelled of sweat and tears after he rocked into you messily in your shared desperate attempt at feeling better.

And the next day when you have to listen to him throw up, you are soaking his pillow with your tears because you realised that you couldn’t leave him even if you wanted to. He has taken up too much space in your heart, letting him go would rip it apart.

It was your date night today and Jungkook’s only wish was for you and him to go out and eat dinner. Jungkook stayed sober the entire day even when his body was shaking like crazy. He had been on edge because of it the entire evening, almost crashing his car hadn’t you reached over in the last moment.

“Stop the car, right now”, you bark.

“I have everything under control, please calm down.”

“Jungkook, you almost drove into the wall. Stop the car.”

“Now? We’re on the highway.”

“Then at least drive slower.”

He slows down, clenching his jaw.

“Why are you always so pissy with me?” he asks.

“Oh excuse me for being pissy when you almost killed us”, you snap.

“I had everything under control”, he snaps back, sneaking a glance at you.

Anger and annoyance.

Those were the only expressions he got to see from you these days. It literally rips him apart. He was doing everything to keep this relationship going. He is keeping quiet, always making sure to be sweet to you. He is keeping quiet when you visit him, only to then instantly fall asleep because your work ruined you. He is keeping quiet when you push him away because another man was too rough with you and you didn’t want sex right now. He is keeping quiet when he knows that you are listening to him sob on the toilet but act like you can’t. He is keeping quiet, never showing you how hurt your behaviour made him and always making sure you knew how much he loved you.

And while he was keeping quiet, wishing for one fond from look, all he got was anger and annoyance.

Jungkook looks back at the road and clutches the steering wheel tightly. It hurts him. It hurts him so much that he doesn’t know if he almost collided with the wall by accident or if he actually wanted it to happen. And that thought scares him, because killing you is the last thing he wants to do and yet in this moment he doesn’t know if he purposely stirred right or not.

Jungkook parks his car in the hotel’s parking garage. You wait for him to round the car like always, accepting his hand. The car locks behind you. It is the only sound in the silence.

The walk to the elevator is silent.

“Which floor?” you ask.

“Twenty.”

“Alright.”

The doors close behind you. Jungkook turns to you in an instant, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your shoulder. Like always he is searching for the comfort of your embrace. And like always your fingers are on his back in an instant, keeping him close.

“I’m sorry that I almost crashed the car”, he murmurs in a shaky voice.

“It’s alright, it wasn’t on purpose”, you assure him, “I just startled that’s all.”

Jungkook grows smaller in your embrace, forcing down his tears.

It wasn’t on purpose.

The words are repeating themselves in his brain like a painful mantra.

“I never want to hurt you”, he forces out, throat constricting painfully.

“I know Kook, but I’ll drive back home. I gotta make good use of my new license anyways. Alright?”

He nods his head.

“I love you.”

“I know Bunny”, you say and squeeze him closer to your body.

He raises his head, resting his forehead against yours.

“Tonight is going to be fun”, he whispers and it almost sounds like a question.

“Yes, tonight is going to be fun”, you kiss his lips.

Jungkook whimpers, pressing himself so close that your back collides with the elevator wall. His arms are squeezing you to his body, lips moving against yours desperately.

You and him would have continued kissing, hadn’t the door opened and another person stepped into the elevator with you.

You barely break away. His minty breath is fanning over your features.

“Fuck ___”, he whispers.

“Behave”, you whisper back, twisting his hair.

You are watching the person. They have their back turned to you, but are shifting uncomfortably enough that you know that they are listening to you and watching you in the distorted reflection of the elevator doors.

“Why do you have to have so much power over me?” he presses out, burying his face in your shoulders and rolling his hips against yours.

You feel so guilty because in moments like this, when he is so desperately devoted to you, you feel so fucking powerful that all those tears seem worth it. You feel guilty because you shouldn’t feel powerful from him desperately begging for your affection. You feel guilty because you realise in those moments that maybe you are ignoring his sobs at night so that he could crawl to you afterwards and beg for your comfort and it makes you feel like the worst person on earth.

But you are just so angry at him all the time. You are just so goddamn angry that sometimes you don’t want to give him comfort. You are just so goddamn angry that sometimes the only thing which can calm you down was hearing him beg for you. And you hated yourself for feeling like this.

“Twentieth Floor.”

“It’s your floor”, the person says, pointing at the opened door.

You understand. They wanted you gone.

“Come handsome, we need to get out here”, you tell Jungkook.

He breaks away with a shudder, clasping your arm tightly. He barely lifts his head to acknowledge the other person, keeping it rested against your shoulder.

The door closes behind your back and the elevator begins moving. You look at Jungkook.

His eyes are red and glassy. It rips you apart.

“Baby”, you turn and cup his cheeks, “do you want to go home? You don’t look so good.”

“No, I want to do this with you. Please I put so much effort into tonight.”

“Come on, let’s go home. We can watch a romantic movie and eat ramen and fall asleep early”, you suggest, touch him as if you were tugging his hair behind his ear repeatedly.

He shakes his head vigorously, “no.”

“Bunny…You don’t have to force yourself to go through with tonight.”

He shakes his head and kisses your palm.

“I’m alright, please believe me.”

“Jungkook – “

“Please believe me, please let me have this night please.”

“Alright”, you give him a smile and while it looked worried it was honest, “but if I see that you’re looking worse I’m dragging your ass home and sending you to bed.”

He laughs quietly. It was an honest laugh and reached his eyes. It made you happy too.

“You won’t have to do that, I promise.”

“Okay”, you kiss his cheek, “let’s get inside. I’m starving.”

Jungkook booked a table by the window, overlooking the city and with a candle burning in the middle. He helps you sit down, pushing the chair inside for you.

“So what do you think?” he asks.

“It’s literally…wow”, you murmur, gazing at the city down below.

Jungkook watches the happiness on your features and almost starts crying. He has finally done something right again. He made you smile.

You turn to him and smile.

“You’re always doing so much for our dates”, you hold his hand, “you’re the best Bunny.”

Jungkook is melting on his chair, giggling like a little boy.

“And you’re my best Bunny.”

“Stop”, he chokes out, dropping his head on the table loudly and giggling cutely.

You smile, reaching over the table to pet his hair. You were angry at him most of the time that much was true, but it was moments like these that truly made you stay with him. Not his desperate begs, but the moments where he flustered so much because of you that he had to hide away and giggle like crazy. Those were the moments that made all of this worthwhile and filled your heart with so much love for the man opposite of you that you never wanted to leave.

Jungkook raises his head, smiling with his eyes glassy.

“I’m your best Bunny”, he whispers, raising his shoulders to his ears.

“Exactly”, you pinch his cheek gently, “you’re my best Bunny.”

Jungkook intertwines his fingers with yours and smiles like he hadn’t smiled in weeks.

You retort it, squeezing his hand tightly.

“Hello, what can I get you tonight?”

The waiter interrupts your gazing, handing you the menu which consists of one sheet and pulling out his phone to type in your orders.

“Lemon soda for me please”, Jungkook says.

“Sir we have wine too”, the waiter says and laughs.

Jungkook blinks in surprise

“And he wants lemon soda. Did you not hear him?” you growl.

The waiter’s gaze shifts to you. He outlines the inside of his cheek with his tongue and clicks his tongue afterwards.

“Very well. Lemon soda and for you?”

“The same”, you say with a poisonous smile.

“Alright.”

He scurries off afterwards.

“The fuck is that fucker’s problem?” you growl, “I swear to god if he makes one more snobby comment Imma shove that candle up his pretentious ass.”

“Relax baby, he probably doesn’t get many guests who want to drink lemon soda.”

“So? Still doesn’t make it his right to open his mouth.”

“Yeah you’re right. It was very uncalled for, he agrees, sending a dark look over at the waiter, “but you still wanna stay, don’t you?”

“Yeah we can stay, but only because I’m way too hungry and caramelised abalone sounds too interesting to miss out on.”

“Right?” Jungkook looks at the menu, “I think we’re going to like the food. I’m especially looking forward to the fifth course.”

“Why? Because it’s steak?”

“Yeah.”

You laugh, making Jungkook grin.

He leans over the table to touch your wrist gently. He draws little hearts on it with his fingertip.

“I like it when we are like this”, he says.

“Like what?”

“When we are laughing together. You look so beautiful when you laugh.”

You smile, looking at the table bashfully.

“You think so?”

He nods his head, intertwining his fingers with yours.

You are crumbling. He is so goddamn adorable that you want to cry. You lock eyes with him.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. Back in the car I mean”, you say, sagging your shoulders.

Jungkook shakes his head, “please don’t think about it anymore. It’s forgiven.”

“Yeah? Because I feel awful. I don’t wanna be pissy with you, but end up snapping at you more often than not.”

He gnaws on his lower lip, not saying anything and you know that he is agreeing with you.

“I’ll try not to do that so often anymore”, you say and you mean it. If you have to try to give you and Jungkook more moments like right now then you are happy to. You want this to work, you want to smile and laugh with him and see him happy. You really do, “I’ll really, really try.”

“Thank you”, he whispers, blinking rapidly.

“Don’t start crying on me now”, you reach over the table and cup his cheek, “you’re too pretty to ruin your makeup with tears.”

“Do you think my makeup is pretty?”

“Yes Bunny, you’re the prettiest.”

He leans into your touch and smiles cutely.

“It brings out the shape of my eyes, don’t you think?”

“Oh yes it’s very handsome.”

He places his hand over yours.

“I think your makeup is really beautiful too. You look like a queen.”

“Oh do I?”

He nods his head vigorously.

“Well thank you”, you pull your hand back and look at the menu again, “why are we getting a menu in the first place when they literally only serve this one ten course meal?”

“Probably so we know what we can look forward to.”

“Yeah probably. God no joke, I’m literally so hungry already.”

“Me too, I didn’t eat the entire day so I could fit everything.”

“Ditto.”

And you are both giggling again, exchanging a goofy look and drawing closer without even noticing that you do. This right here is perfect. This right here is making all of this worth it. It was supposed to be your date night and it is going to be a date night, spend with nice food and later with rolling around the sheets until morning. You made that promise to yourself by the fourth course when Jungkook was so excited about telling you a joke that he ended up choking on a bread crumb from laughing so much. He never got to tell you the joke, but turned out to be okay after he drank a sip of his lemon soda and he gazed at you with such a cute expression that you made the promise to yourself that you are going to treat him so well once you are home. One night to make up for all the nights you had to push him away, that is what you were planning on doing.

And you were still planning on doing it when the ninth and almost last course was set on your table. Something with oranges, you still haven’t figured out what exactly it was but you knew that it was incredible.

You would have continued with your plan hadn’t the evening turned as sour as the last dessert you had. Jungkook was in the middle of telling you his conspiracy theories about how ducks are going to take over the world one day, it was a silly story and made you giggle, when a sheet of paper slams itself onto your table alongside a woman’s hand.

You look up in unison.

You don’t know this woman, but Jungkook seems to do.

“What are you doing here Miss Shin?” he gasps.

That bitch.

“I followed you because you are dodging me at the office. You are going to pay for what you did to me”, she hisses.

Jungkook straightens up.

“This”, she pushes the sheet closer to Jungkook, “is for you.”

“What’s that Jungkook?” you ask him.

He begins reading it while the bitch turns to you.

“And who the fuck are you?”

“Better question is why do you think you can spit fucking shit like that?”

She laughs in disbelief.

“I was his girlfriend once.”

“Well, I’m his girlfriend now, so get in line.”

“You weren’t my girlfriend Miss Shin and I’m not going to pay you that much money”, Jungkook says dryly and pushes the paper back to her.

“Yeah you will”, she spits and hands him another paper.

“What the fuck?” he gasps.

His face becomes as pale as snow.

“What’s that?”

“What do you think it is? That’s proof that you knocked me up.”

“What?” you gasp.

His gaze shifts to you.

“That’s not true. I used protection.”

“You hear that?” she turns to you, “that’s what you get from dating him. Denial.”

“Don’t try to find sympathy in me. I know that you groped Jungkook. You can be glad that we’re in public right now, otherwise I would have rammed that fork right into your ugly eye by now.”

She scoffs, “I just showed you that he was cheating on you with me and you still keep defending him? Also I didn’t grope him, I would never do that.”

"Oh you want to go? You wanna fucking go?" you growl, readying yourself to jump up and punch her face bloody.

And you would have, hadn’t you taken a look at Jungkook beforehand.

He seems destroyed, staring at the pregnancy proof with his hands shaking and his skin vast of colour. You reach for his wrists, caressing them softly. Your eyes meet. He looks so sorry. He doesn’t have to. You tell him that with a fond smile. It makes him relax in an instant.

“I don’t believe you Miss Shin”, he forces out.

“I knew you’d say that so here”, she hands him another pregnancy proof from another doctor.

“But I used protection”, he whispers.

“You were drunk most of the time, you probably didn’t put it on properly or ripped it when you opened it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”

Jungkook looks up at her with dark eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re really surprised that a drunkard like yourself knocked up a girl? You probably knocked up like five other chicks without even noticing that you did.”

“You are aware that I am still your boss, aren’t you?” Jungkook asks darkly.

“And you got me pregnant!” she yells, making him flinch back.

Eyes fall on you and Jungkook.

“I’m barely an adult and you took advantage of me and now you are going to ruin my life”, she screams and starts crying, “how could you do this to me?”

Jungkook laughs nervously, looking around the restaurant. Everyone is looking at him as if he was the villain of this story.

“It’s not like this”, he says.

“It is exactly like this. You should have known better and not used me for your own pleasure!”

“No”, Jungkook shakes his head, “no that’s not true. No”, he presses out with his voice shaking, “why are you saying this?”

“You – “

Her voice cuts off in her throat as she feels herself being tugged away from the table by her hair. Painfully. She screeches, trying to hit you, but you dodge all of them, dragging her through the restaurant with a deadly expression on your face.

“Let go of me you bitch! Let go!”

You let go of her once you are by the door, pushing her harshly and making her collide with the wall. She squeaks as she gets the air knocked out of her, lifting her head with shock contorting her features.

“What the hell is your problem you bitch?” she yells and has to watch in horror as you rip her papers into tiny shreds.

“I can’t stand little babies such as yourself, who think they can get everything they want by being the loudest and most obnoxious in the room. And I don’t know how you were raised but where I grew up, you bury someone trying to fucking blackmail you ten feet underground. Do we understand each other?”

She stumbles back.

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“Yeah maybe I am, but at least I don’t go around and try to humiliate my exes in public. So grow up”, you spit and step closer, handing her the shredded papers back by pressing your hand into her chest roughly.

She stumbles back, colliding with the wall again and widening her eyes in fear.

You give her one harsh push and then reach up, tilting her head up by grabbing her chin roughly. She swallows and squeaks.

“Also if I ever find out that you continue spreading lies about my boyfriend I will personally make sure that mercy is the last word you ever speak”, you whisper darkly, lips inches away from hers, “did get that?”

“You, you crazy b-bitch.”

“Thank you”, you give her a poisonous smile and push her head away so harshly she hits it on the wall, “have a good night”, you spit and turn back around to hurry to Jungkook.

He is hunched over the table, reading the one paper you missed over and over again with his eyes glassy.

“It’s not like this. It’s not like this. It’s not like this”, he chokes out repeatedly. He used protection. He was so careful. He was so careful. Why would that happen to him? Why is everyone staring at him as if he is the villain? Why is everyone staring?

He feels hands on his back and he knows them to be yours in an instant. They are like a safety rope thrown at him as he is drowning in an ice cold ocean. He was so close to sinking, one second later and the rope would have been too late.

You lean down and kiss his cheek. The kiss carries the same feeling as if he was being wrapped up in a warm, dry towel and placed by a bright fire as someone tells him that he is finally safe and that he never has to go back into the cold, icy waters again.

Jungkook closes his eyes and lets the tears escape. He feels every inch of their paths they take, but they don’t burn him because you are there to kiss them away before they could drip from his face.

You take away the paper and Jungkook lets you, feeling how it lifts a million pounds from his shoulders. He hears it rip and then rip again and then feels another kiss on his cheek.

“Let’s go home handsome”, you say softly, tugging at his arm.

“Why is everyone staring? It’s not like this ___ I, I used protection”, he chokes out.

“I know baby, I believe you. But let’s talk about this at home”, you whisper, “come on get up.”

Jungkook lets you drag him to his feet, lets you lead him out of the restaurant, lets you drive him home and then take him up to his penthouse.

The elevator falls closed.

He breaks down in an instant, falling to his knees and burying his face in his hands.

“I want to fucking die”, he chokes out, hitting his own temples repeatedly.

“Stop it”, you drag his fists away from his face, “stop that.”

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

“She was lying. Jungkook, I'm sure she was lying.”

“No, I knocked her up. This is going to ruin me.”

“You didn’t knock her up. That girl had crazy eyes, who knows what she did to get that proof.”

Jungkook shakes his head vigorously before he begins hitting it harshly.

“Stop it”, you hiss, stopping him from hurting himself, “you need to calm down. You didn’t get her pregnant, do you hear me?”

“I can’t do this please ___ please let me drink please.”

“No”, you say loudly, “you are not going to do this tonight. You are going to stay with me and we are going to call your lawyer and we are going to solve this.”

Jungkook sobs like you have never heard him sob before.

“Come here”, and you hug him like you have never hugged him before, hoping that your arms were enough to shield him from the cruelties of the world, “we are going to solve this, you are not going to let this destroy you. You are stronger than this Jungkook. You are stronger than this.”

But Jungkook wasn’t stronger than this. Jungkook gave in, even after all the fucking work you put into proving Ryujin wrong, he ended up drunk on the backseat of a cab driving home after fighting with you in a club.

It was supposed to be your well-deserved night out with your friends. You were looking forward to it the entire day, texting with Hyejin about what to wear the moment you woke up. Wheein joined the conversation after lunch, sending you pictures of all the dresses she was considering wearing tonight. All with a “this one?” text followed soon after. Byulyi and Yongsun finally answered you one hour before you girls would meet up, telling you that you and Wheein would look good in every dress you chose. Very helpful, like always.

You chose to go with a silver dress in the end, putting on the necklace Jungkook got for you and leaving his empty penthouse afterwards.

He was out with friends too so he told you, they would be watching Avengers in the movies. You wished him lots of fun and kissed his lips goodbye.

“Okay you look amazing”, Yongsun greeted you and gave you a tight hug, “it sucks that you’re taken because you could get some great dick in that dress.”

Then you entered the club, going straight for the bar.

“Speaking of dick. How is Jungkook doing? Did the pregnancy issue sort itself out?” Wheein asks.

“We’re working on it. His lawyer is currently talking with Ryujin's lawyer. Kook doesn’t want to fire her because he doesn’t want to be looked at as the asshole boss, who gets a girl pregnant and then drops her and it’s eating him alive. I know that it does.”

“Is he drinking?”

You shake your head, “I make sure that he isn’t.”

“Well you’re not doing the best job then”, Hyejin says.

“Excuse me?” you gasp.

“Look”, she says and points behind you.

You turn around.

There he was.

Jungkook.

Drinking whiskey whilst talking with a girl.

“That’s Jungkook? Damn, now I get why you don’t wanna give him up”, Byulyi gasps.

But you don’t even hear her.

“What the hell?” you choke out, eyes filling with tears in an instant.

They all look at you, exchanging worried looks afterwards.

“That’s it”, Yongsun says and hurries to the counter.

“What is she doing?” Hyejin asks Wheein, who just shrugs her shoulders and continues caressing your arm in comfort.

“Oh no! What is she doing?!”

You watch Yongsun as she taps Jungkook’s shoulder, which results in him turning around and studying her from head to toe. He says something, but closes his mouth when she starts talking.

Then she points over at you, Jungkook’s eyes follow the path and land on you.

He mouths your name, eyes widening before guilt glimmers in them.

“He sees you, holy shit girl”, Hyejin gasps.

“Are you going to go over to him?” Wheein asks.

“Go over there and punch him in the nuts”, Byulyi encourages you.

Jungkook takes a step.

“He is coming over. Act quickly”, Byulyi stresses.

“Fuck”, you press out, pushing yourself off the counter and running to the entrance.

You can hear Jungkook call after you, but you don’t turn around.

“My love!”

His steps are following you.

“Don’t run please!”

His fingers close around your arm desperately.

“Let go”, you hiss, shaking him off and turning around quickly.

“It’s not like you think it is”, he pleads, slurring his words.

“Oh give me a damn break, you fucking liar”, you spit.

“I wasn’t going to fuck her, I promise.”

“It’s not about the sex!” you scream.

Jungkook closes his mouth.

“You drank again! I’ve been working my ass off to sort this shit out with Ryujin and all I asked of you was to stop drinking and you still failed to do that!”

“I’m sorry”, he chokes out and steps closer, “I’m sorry, but it’s so hard. Today hurt so much, I didn’t even know what I was doing until it was too late. Please believe me ___ I’m trying, just give me another chance please.”

He touches you, but you stumble back.

“Don’t touch me.”

“My love please.”

“I said don’t touch me!” you scream, slapping his hand away so roughly that it hurts him.

“Ah”, he lets out, staring at you with shocked eyes whilst rubbing his aching wrist, “you hurt me.”

You stare at his hands, feeling your stomach twist in disgust at yourself.

“I’m so sorry”, you choke out, stumbling back, “d-don’t follow me.”

“___!” he screams after you, running after you. The alcohol ends up winning over him, dragging him to his knees as he falls in a painful stumble, “___ please”, he sobs, having to watch you as you run away from him until the darkness of the night swallows you.

Jungkook comes home two hours later. You can hear the elevator open and close then silence for a moment before the soft padding of clothed feet replaces it. You can see the hallway lights turn on, it shines into the bedroom by the slit at the bottom of the door. The lights grow when he opens the door.

You can practically hear the relief in his voice as he sighs at the sight of you allegedly sleeping in his bed. He tiptoes to your side. Your eyes are closed when he reaches you, for some reason you wanted to pretend to be asleep, perhaps you don't dare to look at him yet in fear of tearing up again. You come pretty close however when you suddenly feel his fingers brush over your makeup-smeared cheek the next moment, gentle as if not to wake you.

"Forgive me", he whispers and as quickly as his fingers were on your face they are gone again as he makes his way out of the bedroom again.

You know where he is going and what he is getting.

His favourite way of handling the world.

Holy fuck. Holy goddamn fuck.

You sit up and stare at the darkness until the faint outlines of the door finally appear.

Even after all the shit he put you through today, he is still drinking.

You roll out of bed and run to the door.

“Jungkook!” you yell.

He was sitting on the chaise lounge, eyes staring outside. You don’t see his empty hands from the position and maybe even if you did see them, your anger would have blinded you to them.

“Where is it? Where the fuck is it?” you scream, tugging at his arms and hands to get him to reveal the whiskey to you.

“What are you doing? I don’t have anything”, he says and fights you off, “don’t touch me like that, you’re hurting me, stop it.”

You sit down on the chaise lounge, cupping his face to inspect the wound on his cheek.

“What happened to your face?” you spit.

“I fell.”

“You fell?” you choke out, grasping his hands to inspect the bloody marks the hard asphalt left behind. Your teary eyes fall to his ripped open jeans and how the wounds on his knees have tainted the edges red.

“Jungkook”, you sob his name, “holy shit, you promised me. You goddamn promised me not to do that shit again. I’m working so hard to keep you from drinking and you repay me by drinking day in and out. What did I ever do to you to deserve this?”

Jungkook hugs you desperately, burying his face in the crook of your neck and squeezing you so tightly that trying to escape would be fruitless.

"It's not your fault”, he whimpers, “it wasn’t your fault. I promise you.”

"You fucking liar" you force out the syllables.

You stumble back, trying to get out of the hug, but Jungkook doesn’t let you, only tightening his grip in desperation.

“Don’t go please don’t go”, he begs weakly, “let me explain please, please.”

You stop fighting, staying in his arms limp and tired. You are done fighting.

“It was the last time. You hear me? Tonight was the last time”, he sobs and coughs up a gag, “I'm going to try harder now", he assures you, squeezing you.

But it hurts too much. The smell of alcohol surrounds him. It lingers in his breath and sticks to his skin. It is as if it is already a part of him.

“No”, you push him off, stumbling off the chaise lounge, “Jungkook I can’t keep being your shoulder to lean on.”

Jungkook sobs and grabs for you, falling again and hurting himself in the process.

“Jungkook, please stand up. Please”, you help him up, crying miserably.

“Please, I'm okay. Don’t be angry please. I’m okay”, he insists, clasping your hands.

“No, please stop…chasing me. Holy shit just leave me be!”

“Why? You promised me that you would stay. Please don’t leave me”, Jungkook begs, voice shaky but raised in emotion.

“Because I can’t keep doing this!” you scream so loudly your vocal chords hurt.

Jungkook stops, tilting his head to the side. His eyes show how much your words hurt him.

“What?” he chokes out.

“You, you are so goddamn broken and you still keep telling yourself and everyone around you that you are okay. Can’t you see Jungkook? You are not okay. You, you drink way too much each day and give me lies of wanting to get better when in reality you don’t. You are not okay, life fucked you over and yet you still continue to pretend that it didn’t.”

“What do you want me to do? Tell me! Tell me what should I do? I know, alright? I know that I am not okay, but what else should I do?”

“Get help, for fucks sake please just get some help! Please Jungkook please.”

“I don’t wanna get help, I just need you!”

“Holy fuck”, your voice breaks in a pitiful sob. You stumble back, hand thrown over your mouth, “holy fucking shit Jungkook, life is literally breaking you in half and yet you are still too stubborn to see it.” You sob, curling in on yourself. “I can’t keep doing this Jungkook”, you whisper, “I can’t keep picking you up over and over again only to see you stumble over the same branch again and again. What you are doing? It’s going to kill you and fuck, I’ve lost too many people to shit like this already.”

Jungkook says your name. It sounds angry, desperate, fearful and perhaps also a little hopeless.

“I’m sorry, really I am.”

You leave him and it hurts to do so.

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