#feeling really low today—that should not have been as blindsiding as it ended up being

[yandere-sins]

Past and Future

Horrortober Day 2: Decision  |  “It’s your decision. Choose wisely.”

Day 2 woop! Got a chance to work on my Kazuha a bit more. I hope to write for him more in the future!

Warnings: Yandere, Manipulation, Possessiveness, Stalking Mention Characters: Kadehara Kazuha x Reader

Kazuha couldn’t not notice the yearning in your gaze as you looked across the plaza at your old friends. These scumbags. Wannabe goody-two-shoes. Oh, how much he despised them. And yet, you longed for their laughter in your ears, the wrinkles in their eyes as they grinned and smiled at each other cheerfully. They were celebrating something Kazuha didn’t know about. But undoubtedly, you remembered after having been close to them since early childhood. 

And yet, you didn’t belong to their circle anymore. You hadn’t been invited to wine and laughter, food and celebration. Instead, you absentmindedly squeezed his hand tighter, and Kazuha took that as a sign. “Come on,” he mumbled, watching how sadness overcame you with every passing second. Frustration and anger, but mostly disappointment, snaked their way into your expression. You had been so excited for today, going out with him, exploring Liyue Harbor with your boyfriend, but the mood was ruined now. 

When you didn’t react, Kazuha used his free arm to lay it around you, pushing you forward despite your feet being unwilling to move. Part of you wanted to go to your friends, to join them in their festivity. But without being invited, you were way too hesitant to approach, and it hurt you even more. Your head hung low as you two finally disappeared in the crowd of people working and shopping, the night market making for a great scene. Still, you couldn’t take it in anymore after remembering your past heartbreak now.

Kazuha wasn’t the type to leave you alone, never wishing to be separated from the warmth and comfort you gave him by being by his side, but in your depressed state, it was hard to do anything with you. Placing you on a bench, Kazuha left to get you something to drink. His mind was wrecking itself of how to help you as he bought your favorite, seasonal beverage, still hot and steaming in its cup, and brought it back to you. 

Unfortunately, no one heard the clattering sound as he dropped it, watching you talk with some of your old friends. When did they come over to talk? Why were they here? How did they notice you? Why now of all times? This was his evening. His time with you. And yet, you hadn’t been as happy with him all night as you were when you talked to them. Kazuha’s expression changed from worried to upset as he had to watch you laugh with them, even though the mood seemed awkward from afar. Maybe they were apologizing, or perhaps just trying to replicate the good old times with you, but you seemed very receptive to their presence, smiling in a way that you never did when you were with Kazuha. 

It had taken a lot to break you guys apart. Not willingly, but they weren’t a good influence for you. He had never done anything to them, but one day they had decided they didn’t like the way he looked at you. That Kazuha was too ‘possessive’ and that the ‘took up all your time’. They told you to stay away from the outsider, to ignore the soft, wonderful feelings you two had for each other—the strong bond you were forming with your boyfriend. Your friends decided he wasn’t good for you but were they really your friends when they made you choose between them and your love? Gods, he hated what they did to you. Hated how miserable they could make you. You had been so nervous and anxious after they started harassing you to leave him, crying at night and into his shoulder when you didn’t know what to do. The first time you said you loved him was while you were assuring him that you still had feelings for him; that being the reason why it was so hard on you to be forced to make this decision. It wasn’t a romantic moment, but one filled with tears. Kazuha would never forgive them for robbing him of his amazing confession from your lips.

However, in the end? You chose him—naturally. You chose him for this very reason. Because you love him. Kazuha never made you decide. Sure, he didn’t like your friends, but he didn’t go out of his way to engage with them. He only ever had eyes for you, following you whenever you met with your so-called friends and making sure you’d be safe from them. However, he was better than them, and even if they made you cry on your way home, he never once went back to hurt them just as much as they hurt you, even if his blood was boiling. Kazuha would rather spend his time comforting you, asserting his place in your heart, than stick to the ones who were desperately trying to tear him out of said place. 

But maybe he should have.

Maybe he should have demanded that you decide on one side. After all, you were already distancing yourself from these people that kept hurting you in the name of ‘only wanting the best for you’. He was the best for you. There was nothing that could be better for you than Kazuha. He was strong; he was safe for you. No one else tended to you as gently and lovingly as he did. Comforted you when you were down. You had to wear the burden of everyone around you, but Kazuha only committed to you and your worries. He was the saving grace and the helping hand you needed in your desperation. The person your friends should have been if you had actually mattered to them. 

In return, you were the same for him. You gave his life a meaning that he had long searched for. A new friend and a love to wake his lonely heart again. No one could ever stir him like you did, and he was thankful. Thankful for the opportunity to be by your side, to warm you on cold nights, and to tell you about the past he never shared with anyone else. You were the listener he wanted; gave him the attention he needed. And Kazuha...

Kazuha wouldn’t lose you now. He couldn’t lose someone again. Not you.

Marching up to you and your friends gathering around, he listened to the meaningless conversation you had. “We’re sorry for saying such harsh things,” and “We were worried about you.” Loads of empty words, in his opinion. But seeing your eyes tear up at them made his heart sting and his blood boil all over again. It made him furious. Furious for you. You deserved so much better than these lies. They didn’t care about you!

Pushing through them without roughly, Kazuha only looked at you, finding your eyes instantly. You were surprised by his appearance but quickly wiped the tears from your eyes and returning to the silly, little smile you usually graced him with. One that was as empty as your friend’s words. One you adapted just to please him and not worry him further, but once he’d put an end to this, Kazuha knew you’d be able to smile at him properly again with a sincere one. 

“Choose,” he prompted, and you raised an eyebrow in confusion while your friends began to grow tense and murmur between themselves. 

“These people-” he made a vague gesture between the few gathered around, “-aren’t good for you, and you know it. They dropped you when you needed them the most while I’ve been with you all this time.”

“You can’t be serious,” you breathed, but Kazuha didn’t confirm your wish. He was serious, even if that meant upsetting you. This was for the best. “It’s your decision. Them or me. Choose wisely.”

“That’s unfair!” one of your friends cried out, upset about his intention, and Kazuha looked at them sharply from the corner of his eye, silencing them effectively. “It’s not unfair,” he shut their argument down, looking only at you as he spoke. “They made you choose first and broke your heart. I never have and never will hurt you. But I am not so sure about the people who already did it once.”

Kazuha’s words had impact; he could see it in your eyes. You, too, remembered the bad times that felt like your heart was ripped into pieces by the people you put so much trust in. And instead, it had been him who was there, making sure you ate and drank in your troubled times, and got rest when you needed it. Even if there was no luxury in his life, he still had been a better friend than any of them. Kazuha completely missed that he suggested dropping you the same way your friends had when he made you choose. He didn’t want to believe you would choose anyone over him after all he did for you. You belonged to him, and he belonged to you. That’s how love worked. 

“I love you.” 

A dirty trick. One that your friends couldn’t use. Kazuha directly pulled at your heartstrings, making you miss a breath as you grew even more blindsided. “I don’t want to lose you, again,” he didn’t hesitate to add, noticing how your friends’ faces grew worried and upset at his words. He was hinting at the bad time you two had gone through. The one that made a part of you die. But you only looked down, hands balling into fists as you felt conflicted. There was no need for you to wreck your pretty head over these nobodies, Kazuha decided, holding out his hand. You only needed him—as much as he needed you. 

Timidly, you reached for his hand, and he gripped yours tightly, pulling you up from your seat and after him, away from these fake friends and their fake worry without another word to them. “It’s better like this,” he assured you, dragging you through the crowd so you wouldn’t be able to look back at your past. He was before you, your future, and he wouldn’t let anyone take you from him and ruin this for you. 

But when you were unresponsive, he threw a glance back over his shoulder, noticing the tears streaming down your eyes. You two came to a stop as he turned around, cupping your face and pulling you into a kiss. Even though your hands came to rest against his chest, pushing, you never managed to escape his grip, forced to kiss him until neither of you could hold your breath anymore. Leaning his forehead against yours, you were left speechless, but not Kazuha.

“I love you. I love you so much. Promise me you’ll never go back to them.” It was hard to commit to that, but his hands grew tighter around your face, desperate to hear it. “You chose me,” he insisted, pain swinging in his voice. “You’re not leaving me.���

There was no way of saying where those emotions came from, but he didn’t give you time to think them over. This was the future he chose, by your side. And that night, you chose it too, even if you ended up not liking it once you found out that your friends had been right all along.

[dontcare77ghj]

Queens and King

Steve x reader x Peggy

Requested by @storiesbystarlight

When you were a girl, your father assured you, daily, you were born to be Queen. Your line was chosen by Odin himself, and as long as your father's blood ran through your veins, no-one could ever take that from you.

Your mother died when you were a babe, sweating sickness your governess told you, and your father never remarried after her death. Leaving you as his sole heir. 

As the future Queen of the kingdom, you were put in classes from a young age. Taught every skill a ruler would need to succeed. 

For the most part, your childhood was a lonely one. With no siblings to play with and a strict governess who refused to allow you to skip one lesson, you rarely left the castle.

The only time you were allowed to interact with any children your own age was when Lord's and Ladies would bring their children to court.

While you made some friends and many allies, the two you held closest to your heart were Steve and Peggy.

Peggy, born Margret, was the daughter of the English ambassador. Peggy would often travel with her father as she was training to take the role over one day.

Steve was Steven and the son of Lord Rogers. As Steve would inherit his father's mantle eventually, his father dragged him to court for most of the year.

The three of you were always close, even as you aged and became the people your parents had decided you would be. 

And so it was no surprise to your inner circle when they found out the true nature of your relationship.

The three of you had been together since you were all sixteen. For half your lives now, the three of you had dedicated yourselves to each other. 

And you wouldn't have it any other way.

After dismissing your ladies-in-waiting and informing the guards you were not to be disturbed for the night, you let out a long sigh. You had just entered your bedchamber and were undoing your hair when you stopped in your tracks.

"And just what?" You began, gaining the attention of the two on your bed. "Do you two think you're doing starting without me?" You questioned the two with a raised brow.

"You were taking too long," Peggy said, standing and making her way toward you. "We were bored." She said, wrapping her arms around your waist.

"Hm-hmm." You hummed, looking over at Steve. "Did she seduce you, Stevie?" You teased, crooking your finger at him.

"You know how hard I find it to say no to either of you," Steve admitted, standing and walking towards you. 

"Is that a challenge?" You questioned him.

"It sounds like a challenge to me." Peggy agreed.

"How did I know the two of you would believe I was challenging you?" Steve sighed.

"I'm Queen. Everything is a challenge." You shrugged a shoulder.

"Our poor darling." Peggy cooed. "Perhaps we should help relieve the burden upon your shoulders." She suggested, dusting her fingers along your shoulders.

"I believe that is a fantastic course of action, Peg," Steve said, wrapping his arms around both your waists.

"Distract me, my loves."

"I had another proposal today," Peggy mentioned. "Lord Pierce asked if I would think about wedding his son."

"And what did you say?" You questioned, drawing circles on her hipbone.

"I told him where to shove it." Peggy snorted. "He proposed his bastard to me, a bastard who openly despises women in power. I'm also with the two of you, so there's really no contest."

"Good."

"I too have had to respectfully decline several proposals recently," Steve admitted. "It seems now that I have filled out women notice I exist."

"Well, they can't have you," Peggy said, leaning up to kiss the blonde. 

"Is everything okay, Y/N?" Steve questioned you.

"Lord Stark approached me on my way here." You admitted. "He said the council wishes I were to accept marriage and give them a King or Queen. Tony said I either accept one of the many proposals or announce our relationship."

"Do you wish me to approach him tomorrow?" Steve asked you.

"No, Tony's harmless. We both know that." You shook your head. "I've already told him and the council I won't accept one of their proposals."

"Then what are you going to do?" Peggy questioned you.

"I was going to see what you thought of me announcing our relationship." You told her. "And perhaps furthering it. I wanted to ask the two of you to marry me. We love each other, we always have, and it might put an end to all those unwanted proposals."

"The people wouldn't like it. We're not of your station." Steve told you.

"The people love you, both of you." You said, sitting up in the bed. "I've never seen either of you as anything but my equals. And to be frank, when it comes to the two of you, I don't care what the people think of my relationship."

"And the court? You know the members of the court will talk more than anyone else." Peggy pointed out. "It could hurt your reputation."

"Who cares the pointless gossip the court spreads? We all know it's toxic. There is nothing they can say that will ever hurt me." You scoffed. "So I have this to ask of you, will you please do me the honor of becoming my husband and wife?" You asked of your lovers. "Whatever your answer, I will respect it, as I have always respected the two of you."

"Yes," Peggy said. "I will marry you." She told you, leaning over to gently kiss you.

"Steve?" You asked, turning to face the blonde.

"I've never given a damn about public opinion," Steve smirked. "Let them say what they will." He said, gently cupping your face and bringing you into a kiss.

"My lords and ladies," You began, rising from your throne elegantly. "Your graces, and your excellencies, I have called you all here today to make an announcement.

For many years now, I have ruled alone. And yet today, I stand before you to announce my greatest happiness. Today I announce my engagement to Ambassador Carter and Lord Rogers." You said, gesturing Peggy and Steve to come to stand beside you as the court whispered amongst themselves.

Holding your hand up, you waited for the court to silence before continuing.

"Come spring, the three of us will be wed, and Ambassador Carter will become my Queen as Lord Rogers will become my King." You informed the court.

"Lord Stark, Your Majesty." A servant announced as Tony entered the room.

"Tony, what can I do for you?" You asked, rising to a stand to greet your friend.

"I have news for you," Tony said, taking a seat at your desk.

"Good or bad?" You asked as a servant poured the two of you glasses of wine.

"Lord Rumlow has taken the recent news of your courtship badly," Tony admitted. "He seems to think you should have sought a marriage with his nephew as he has a claim to the throne already."

"Rumlow's discontentment with my rule is nothing new, Tony. You've never bothered me with his opinions before. Why now?" You quizzed the man.

"Rumlow has allied with Pierce. The two wish to petition your courtship with parliament."

"Excuse me?"

"According to my spies, they believe your relationships with both Ambassador Carter and Lord Rogers are against the laws," Tony informed you. 

"This is ridiculous." You bitterly laughed as you stood from your seat. "Pierce's standing is as low as it could. What does Rumlow gain from his support?"

"From what've I heard they wish to marry his nephew off to Pierce's daughter."

"Why? What does this union bring them?"

"An heir," Tony informed you bluntly. "They seem to believe if you refuse to break off your relationship with Carter and Rogers, they could overthrow you and place Rumlow's nephew on the throne."

"It's treason to think about such things." You shook your head, beginning to pace behind the desk.

"As your friend, may I make a suggestion?" Tony asked, continuing when you nodded at him. "Do not do anything now."

"Don't do anything?" You questioned him. 

"Do nothing. Do not publicly say anything against them and do not approach either of them." Tony nodded.

"Tony, you have always been of good council to me, but this, I don't know if I can sit back and allow the two to ruin my engagement or overthrow me. This is my throne." You said. "This was my father's throne and his before him. I can't be the one to lose it."

"It is your throne, and it will be until your last breath," Tony promised you. "But I have a plan that will allow you to keep your throne, Peggy, Steve, and permanently ruin the reputations of both Rumlow and Pierce. By the time we're done with them, they will never be able to return to court."

"Alright." You sighed, taking your seat and looking at your friend. "My ears are open."

"And you're sure this will work?" Peggy asked you that night. She was laying in your bed with Steve behind her as you sat at the vanity, undoing your hair.

"I do." You nodded. "I trust Tony and his opinions. He's more often right than not." You added, rising to a stand and moving towards your fiances.

"Be that as it may, Rumlow is a snake. A slippery one at that." Steve mentioned as you climbed into bed. "We just don't want you to be blindsided by his tactics."

"I know all too well how tricky Rumlow is. Just as I know, Pierce is not be underestimated either." You said, shaking your head. "I promise I am being careful. We've planned everything out meticulously."

"I hope you have," Peggy murmured. "Because if you were to lose your throne because of us, I would never forgive myself."

"It's true I would feel great shame at being the one to lose the throne Odin chose for my line. But it would not plague me. Without the two of you, my life is a lonely one. I would gladly give up my crown to be with you both." You admitted.

"You shouldn't say that. You are a great Queen. The people need you." Steve said, taking your hand.

"And I need you." You confessed in a small voice. "I can't do this alone. You've always been my rocks. You have been for as long as I can remember. I cannot fathom living this life, doing all this, and not having the two of you at the end of the day. And I understand it's a selfish ideal, but it's true." You told them, taking Peggy's hand as well. "I am not as strong as you think. You are my strength. Both of you are. I love you."

"And we love you too," Peggy said, turning your head towards her and kissing you firmly. "We lean on you as much as you do with us."

"And you are our strength," Steve added, repeating Peggy's actions. "We have always trusted your actions and your decisions, and that will not change now," Steve said as Peggy nodded.

"Good because I can't do this without you." You sighed.

"Especially not this." Peggy joked, lightening the tension of the room.

"You look gorgeous," Peggy said from behind you. Looking up in the mirror, you saw both Peggy and Steve approaching you.

"As do you." You smiled. "And you look handsome as ever, Stevie." You added as they stood behind you.

"Thank you, my Queen," Steve teased, leaning down to kiss you lightly.

"As much as I love to see you both, you do know it's bad luck for us to be seeing one another now, right?" You questioned the two.

"The Goddess of luck has always smiled upon us before. There should be no reason for her to change her mind now." Steve shrugged.

"I suppose you're right." You hummed.

"Besides, I think we've broken too many 'rules' at this time to worry now." Peggy shrugged.

"Now, that is accurate." You laughed as Steve shook his head.

"Are you ready for this, sweetheart?" Steve asked you after a second had passed.

"I've been ready since I was a girl." You brightly smiled at the two.

"Then we shouldn't wait any longer, should we?" Peggy asked, taking your hand and helping you stand.

"No, we shouldn't." You agreed as the three of you walked towards the doors of the chamber.

Everything was about to change.

"Your majesty." Rumlow bowed lowly, as did Pierce beside him.

"Lord Rumlow. Lord Pierce." You acknowledged the two with a nod of your head. "May I introduce you to my Queen, Margret, and my King, Steven." You gestured to your partners, who were sitting either side of you.

"Your majesties." Rumlow greeted, his face turning a slight shade of red. "I thought the nuptials were planned for Spring."

"They were." You nodded. "However, my sources informed me that if I were to wait any longer, traitors to the crown would try to take my thrown from me."

"What villain would think such a thing?" Pierce asked his face a pale shade of white.

"Indeed." You hummed. "So the three of us wed yesterday afternoon with my inner circle present." You told him, nodding to Tony, Knights Natasha, and Clint, as well as Court Physician Bruce.

"Congratulations, your majesty." Rumlow forced out through gritted teeth.

"Thank you. Now, my lords, would you care to tell the rest of the court exactly what you were planning?" You asked as Steve and Peggy smirked when your guards surrounded Pierce and Rumlow.

"Your majesty?"

"Your letters were intercepted." You said as said letters were passed to you. "Lords and Ladies of the court, lords Rumlow and Pierce were trying to usurp my reign." You announced, causing the court to whisper amongst themselves. "The two plotted to petition my engagement on the grounds of illegality. There is no specific law in this kingdom that relates to what the gender or number of people in a relationship should be. There never has been. The letters we intercepted spoke of replacing me with Rumlow's nephew and Pierce's daughter, and that is treason. As punishment, both Rumlow and Pierce will be stripped of their lands and titles and placed into the dungeons."

"You can't do this!" Rumlow yelled as the guards grabbed both him and Pierce.

"They will remain in the dungeons until I find a punishment I deem worthy." You continued, ignoring the shouting man. "Furthermore, their wealth will be distributed to all the villages and towns of this kingdom. It will be shared equally among the less fortunate of my realm." You told the court as Rumlow and Pierce were dragged out of the room.

The court descended into a flurry of whispers. Rising to a stand, you silently watched as the court dropped into silence, waiting for you.

"I am Y/N L/N. I am the daughter of F/N L/N. This is my kingdom. This is my family's lineage. I have served all of you for near on two decades, and I will continue to do so until my own heirs are ready to inherit this throne from me. These heirs will be the children of my King and Queen." You said, gesturing for the two to join you. "This country is in my heart, as it is in your new Queen and King. I hope you remember today for years to come." You said, walking towards the doors with Peggy and Steve at your side.

"You did well," Steve whispered into your ear.

"As you usually do," Peggy murmured.

"Let's hope the message sticks." You hummed to your husband and wife.

It did. The message stuck in the hearts of the nobles and spread to the people. 

It had been six years since you married the loves of life, six years since they were crowned at your side. And it had been five years since you gave birth to your daughter and another three since your son entered the world.

Your shared reign had been a peaceful one. There were no wars, no uprisings, and no plague or famine. It almost seemed too perfect, but you were not one to look the Goddess of luck in the face.

"My Queen, what has you thinking so hard?" Steve asked, wrapping his arms around your waist. The three of you were in your shared chambers, relishing in the fact there were no pressing matters of the court to attend to.

"Nothing pressing." You swore, leaning back into his chest. "Just thinking about how lucky I am."

"Are you sure you're the lucky one and not us?" Peggy asked, rising gracefully from the bed.

"Positive." You hummed. "There is not a luckier person in the kingdom than I."

"I think we could find a luckier woman," Steve said.

"And man," Peggy added. "Perhaps all you need is to be persuaded." She teased, standing in front of you and embracing you and Steve.

A grin crossed your face as you looked between your lovers.

"Persuade me, my King and Queen."

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@imnotasuperhero

[missturtleduck]

hi i saw ur requests were open and i would love if u could do a sokka x reader :) where reader is really shy and he likes to tease her and flirt with her to see her all flustered but she denies him actually liking her bc she thinks it’s just his personality to be funny like that. but then there’s the classic oh no there’s only one bed thing? thank you!

Ooooh I loved writing this! Tropes? Love them. Fluff? So fun, so sweet. I hope you enjoy, anon, and have a very happy holiday! <3

Teasing

Sokka x shy!Reader

It was a well-known fact that Sokka was a tease.

Now, he wasn’t a tease in the common sense, more that he took some joy in being a so-called comedian. Y/N seemed to be the person in their gang that got the brunt of his teasing. Every time he came up with some sarcastic quip, she would laugh along with everyone else – though most of the time she was the only one who found him funny – but then there were the other times.

She had been sparring with Zuko, who was surprisingly adept with swords for a bender, when Sokka had come by whistling with faux innocence. As he took a seat on the floor, his eyes were trained on the fight. Feeling his blue-eyed gaze boring into her, she felt her entire body flush. Steadying her breathing, Y/N pushed down the flustered flutter bats inhabiting her stomach. A frustrated cry escaped her lips as she pinned Zuko’s blades to the floor with her own.

“Sokka,” She breathed out, hating how hot she felt. “Sokka, w-what are you doing?”

He grinned. “Just enjoying the view. You know, I always thought red was Zuko’s colour, but you are boasting a lovely shade today.”

Absently, Y/N put a palm to her face, only becoming more flustered as she realised her skin had in fact became darker. As the blood rushed faster through her body, she looked desperately at Zuko for some reprieve.

“Sokka, are you here for any reason other than being a complete clown?” Zuko said, sighing in pure exasperation even as Y/N had him pinned.

The boy ignored him completely. “Has anyone ever told just how adorable you are? Because you really are.”

“Sokka,” Zuko said again, his voice less patient. “Go away before we make you.”

“Alright, alright,” He tutted, hands in the air as if in surrender. “I’ll leave you two to your dance lessons. Call me if you fall; I’ll come and catch you.”

Waiting for him to be out of earshot, Y/N groaned, dropping her sword and freeing Zuko. Her entire face was on fire. Sure, it was a metaphor, a hyperbolic one at that, but if Zuko decided to shove his ignited palm in her face, it would not manage to be as hot as she was feeling now. It might be slightly less sweaty. Ew.

Lowering herself to the ground, she sat, stretching out her aching limbs, pouring water over her roasting head. Y/N, needless to say, was mortified by Sokka’s teasing, but when was she not? She was somewhat shyer than her female friends; Katara had this maternal instinct about her that kicked into overdrive as soon as someone seemed needy. It was honestly scarier than the Avatar State. Toph was just... Toph. The girl was at least four years younger than Y/N and utterly terrifying, approaching people and situations with no fear. Then there was Suki. Suki had a knack of getting people to like her, being the loveable, charismatic leader, she was.

And that left Y/N.

Y/N struggled being heard in many a conversation. Ask her to take a compliment? No. No. Not happening. No thank you. Her shy demeanour was labelled cute by a few different people, though they all seemed to be joking – especially Sokka.

“Do you want me to sort him out for you?”

Y/N looked up, meeting Zuko’s very serious gaze for just a moment before staring at the ground. “No, it’s okay. He’s like that with everyone.”

“What?” Zuko frowned, slumping to the ground too. “What are you on about? He doesn’t flirt with everyone!”

“That wasn’t flirting!” She insisted, feeling that bashful flush creeping in again. 

“He was just teasing, like he does with everyone!”

Zuko’s lips quirked. “He called you adorable.”

“Yesterday, he called Momo adorable.”

“He said you flushed was your colour.”

“And he said that red was yours, sunshine.”

“Oh, Y/N, I’ll catch you if you fall!”

Y/N stammered. “He could have been talking to either of us!”

There was some silence between them. Y/N didn’t usually mind sitting in silence with Zuko, who was just as awkward as her most of the time. However, the wide, toothy grin like a catgator’s was highly disconcerting.

“Zuko, I don’t know what you’re seeing, but he wasn’t flirting,” Y/N said finally, quietly commanding. “He’s just messing around like he usually does.”

The prince sighed, suppressing his mischievous grin. Raising his swords, the pair charged each other again.

                                                      ✦

In the midst of a war, there wasn’t much space for fun. With the constant movement between the Western Air Temple and many significant locations to build their defences after the Day of Black Sun, Y/N found she hardly had time for anything other than training and strategizing. Sure, she may be considered meek when compared to her peers, but her mind was sharper than her blade.

After watching Aang master firebending, Sokka masterminding a prison break, and Katara nearly murdering a man – all with Zuko’s help – she had some whiplash. She might even say that she had been somewhat blindsided by them, but she didn’t particularly mind. It was when they moved onto Ember Island, however, that Y/N found there to be an issue. In all the excitement, or terror, of being separated from Haru and the others, and possibly murdering Sparky Sparky Boom Man, the gang ended up hiding out on Ember Island.

Spirits, did Y/N love the sunshine. The sand? Not so much, nor the swimsuits. Nevertheless, she much preferred it to Aang’s beloved ancestral temple.

“Okay,” Zuko said as they all collected together in the house, “So there’s a bit of an issue.”

“Fire Nation?” Katara asked, eyes narrowing.

“Worse,” Zuko said, voice grave. “There are seven of us, and only six beds.”

The teenagers all looked between each other with varying looks of embarrassment and disgust. It was Toph who spoke first.

“Well, I for one do not want to share a room,” She scoffed, stomping her foot – a reminder of her power. “I can already hear all of you when we sleep on the ground. I am not missing out on my chance for a quiet night of sleep.”

“That seems fair,” Zuko hummed as he pulled a hat off of a dresser. “Everyone else, unless they have some reason why not, will put their name in here.”

Sokka whined, pointing his finger at the heir of the Fire Nation. “Fine! But they should get the biggest bedroom.”

Y/N swore Zuko smirked. “Done.”

Sat on the floor watching him write names, the group waited anxiously to see who would be sharing a room at least for that night. Mixing up bits of paper, he seemed to be building up some bravado, akin to a showman about to pull a jackalope out of a hat.

“Sokka.”

The boy cursed under his breath as Zuko continued on with his little show, the piece of paper disintegrating as easily as a leaf floating in a breeze.

“And Y/N!”

She met Zuko’s eye, entire body hot, sending a psychic message along the lines of sprits, no, Zuko, no, please, Zuko, don’t do this.

Despite the fact that Y/N knew Sokka was only joking with his teasing, somewhere along the line she had ended up falling for it – for him. It was sudden and violent, the way a meteor crashed through the atmosphere, roaring, brilliant, and completely obliterating anything in its path. Currently, Y/N was that metaphorical meteorite, burning up and crashing into the earth.

Since Zuko apparently couldn’t read minds, she chanced a glance at Sokka. She expected some sort of joke, a quip, anything. Instead, he was deadly silent, stony in his face, staring too at Zuko. Was he blushing, or was she making it up in her head? This question soon slipped from her brain as she those baby blue eyes were staring straight at her.

Tui and La, Agni, spirits above; he hated her.

“Cool!” She said, though it came out more like a squeak. “I’ll see you tonight, I guess.”

“Y/N, we have the entire day before- “

She cut Suki off. “Yep, busy today! Busy, busy, busy. Plenty of strategic planning to do before the big day!”

And she was gone. Even Aang, renowned creator of the air scooter, had never seen a person move so fast, and Y/N wasn’t even a bender. In her haste, she didn’t catch the sly looks, nor the disapproving one courtesy of Katara. She definitely didn’t catch the shy grin on Sokka’s face, muddled with complete embarrassment. Getting as far away from the house as possible was her current goal, and she achieved it with insane speed – and longevity.

For an entire day, Y/N managed to see none of her friends, excluding Appa and Momo. Her animal friends seemed very concerned and very interested in her noughts and crosses diagrams in the black volcanic sand of Ember Island. It was only when Yue began to rise above the horizon that she thought it would be safe to come out. With what felt like a walk of shame, she trekked back to the beach house, a sleeping Momo cradled in her arms like a baby. Even Appa, who had been occupied with all sorts of made-up games throughout the day, was beginning to sway, eyes drooping, weighed down by sleep. Settling them down in the warm sand, Y/N climbed the wooden stairs.

Being quiet used to get her everywhere unseen; it didn’t work that night. Wordless, her friends’ good night wishes falling on deaf ears, she entered the biggest bedroom, alone. Falling face first onto the bed, she muffled a frustrated scream into one of the too many decadent pillows adorning it. Heaving herself onto her back, Y/N groaned dramatically with the effort it took. This bed was so soft. She tried to think of a more comfy, luxurious bed she had ever been on – and failed. The four-poster frame was casting odd shadows across the dark room. It felt especially lonely.

She felt especially lonely.

Sitting up, a low rumble filled the silence. Her stomach was apparently rather unhappy with the distinct lack of food during the day. Y/N had forgotten about that. She weighed up the options; go out and face embarrassment, or skip dinner for the first time in her life. Fortunately, she needn’t think long.

“So, everyone’s going to bed, and I remembered you hadn’t eaten.”

Sokka.

Of course.

“Oh,” Was all she could manage, mentally kicking herself for her utter lack of articulation. “Th-thanks, Sokka.”

Flicking on the light, the shadows no longer seemed odd, nor did the room feel lonely. There, in the doorway, stood Sokka. He was pretty – something that always took Y/N by surprise even though she saw him every day. Sure, he hadn’t grown into his gangly limbs yet, but he was getting there. His shoulders had gotten broader, his arms larger from training. She couldn’t help but imagine how comfy he’d be to lie against, how warm his hold would be.

“I brought snacks?”

Opening her mouth only to close it again, Y/N felt like a fish thrown mercilessly out of water. Instead, she managed a timid pat on the bed. He was slow to react, slower to move, and she only felt more inadequate. Whatever Zuko thought he saw at the temple was wrong.

“Wow, this bed is soft,” Sokka gasped, bouncing lightly on it like a small child. “It’s like sitting on a cloud!”

Y/N couldn’t stop the giggle that passed her lips as she took a slice of fruit from the platter he had brought in. For the briefest moment, infinitesimally small, Sokka ceased with his childish antics and just looked. Brightening, he seemed to thrive – delight – in her laughter, continuing to goof about with the numerous pillows and posh looking decor.

“Whoa.”

Y/N looked up at him from her laughing, stomach aching with joy. “What?”

“I didn’t know you could get prettier,” He said, brows furrowed, eyes sparkling.

She turned mute in an instant, feeling that all too familiar flush again, only this time it was close – more intense. Silent, she took another piece of fruit, eating it in moments, anything to give her time. “You’re teasing me again, aren’t you?”

He frowned. “What? No. I’m not- “

“It’s okay if you are!” Y/N insisted, her smile plastered on and her heart aching. “I know you joke about with us all, and it’s just how you are. It’s not a bad thing, and I know you’re just joking and- “

“Y/N,” Sokka said, almost incredulous. “I’m not joking. I have never joked about that kind of thing with you.”

She stopped dead. “What?”

It wasn’t a question – well, not to Sokka at least. That one word was her address to the universe. It was astonishment, frustration, incredulity, sheer joy, so many emotions all wrapped into one simple word. The moments that passed between that word and their locked gaze spoke a thousand more words, sang a hundred more emotions.  

“You didn’t know?”

Her head was empty. “Prettier?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” Sokka chuckled weakly, moving the platter to the side.

“Prettier,” Y/N repeated slowly, looking up at him, “As in I was already pretty?”

“Erm, yes?”

“You think I’m pretty?”

“Tui and La, yes.”

Oh.

“Okay,” She said, testing the waters, “And you like it when I blush?”

“Yeah, you look cute,” He admitted, sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Looking down, bashful, she recalled training with Zuko. “The word you used was adorable.”

No words came in response to that, only a gentle hand on her cheek. Guiding her face up, Sokka looked at her and saw her. Y/N could see him reaching for words that danced in his mind and away from his grasp, so many more pretty, teasing words he could say. But he wasn’t teasing, not really. He certainly wasn’t when he pressed his lips to hers. It was sweet and easy to melt into; she didn’t need to be shy, not with him.

They shared more sweet kisses, laughing under the moonlight in that fancy bed they got to share. Fruit, a bed, kisses; they shared them all, drifting into an easy sleep as the moon began to slip away into daylight. Basking in the prospect of a lazy morning, they made the most of it.

They weren’t even mad when they found out Zuko rigged the entire thing.

[a-la-la-llama]

The One Where Marinette Gets Attacked #4

Part 1       Part 2      Part 3     Part 5

  Cloud nine was where Marinette was currently residing after leaving the flower shop. The owner, Pamela, with the most vibrant red hair she had ever seen had wanted Marinette to work with her. Even though she now had a million problems on her hands with the school situation, she couldn’t fight the smile on her face. Maybe this wasn’t the most professional way to get a job but she went along with how Pamela was acting so it couldn’t be that bad. Tikki seemed to be on the same page as her because she could feel a hum of excitement on her thigh.

  “How about we eat out for lunch instead of going home? I haven’t actually been out in the city since we have gotten here?”, she said out loud. Even though surrounded by people, no one gave a second glance at her antics. Having only traveled the city by rooftops and eating take-out made Marinette foreign still, even having stayed there for more than a year. Turning a corner to a cafe she had passed, Marinette waited in a short line. Walking up to the counter, the worker feigned a fake smile.

  “Welcome to Caffeine Café, what could I get you today?”, the woman asked.

Marinette was given a strange look with the amount of caffeine she ordered but brushed it off. Settling into a corner booth with her tuna sandwich, she patiently waited for her name to be called by looking out the window.

  Usually when she would look out her apartment window Gotham always appeared grey and gloomy. Right now, Marinette felt the warmth of the sun partially covered by a cloud on her skin. It must be Tikki’s doing. Sneaking a glance at the Kwami while grabbing her phone, Marinette was able to see Tikki happily snacking on the cookie she had packed.

“It’s a nice day, how does a trip to the park sound?”, Marinette asked.

Tikki silently nodded in agreement before returning to her meal as did Marinette.

  Gotham had reminded Marinette much like they had depicted New York City in movies. It had a large park that included the famous Poison Ivy Botanical Gardens and that was open to the public like Central Park. Marinette decided going somewhere secluded was the best option due to Tikki wanting to be out. Even though she was tiny did not mean the god didn’t get cramped being in her purse.

“We could climb that hill, Tikki. It has a tree on top that we could sit under too!”, she suggested.

“Brilliant spot, my chosen. We’ll be able to have a great view and you could put the new sketchbook to use!”, Tikki cheered.

  Marinette really should have been on guard out in the open all alone but something about the peacefulness of nature put her off guard. Any other time and she would have seen the attacker from behind coming. Any other time Marinette would have been able to swiftly dodge and apprehend them. Any other time but not this time. This time something tackled her to the ground just eight feet away from the top of the hill. Now, just because she was blindsided didn’t mean Marinette couldn’t swiftly recover. Tucking into a roll, she was able to end the fall squatted low on her feet instead of face planting on the floor. She was facing where her attacker should have been standing fully ready for a fight.

There was no one there.

Well, no one until she felt something wet brush the left side of her face. Turning towards the source she was met with the sight of a black Great Dane towering over her. She realized it was the one she had seen when working with Catwoman. Eye-contact with the animal was not her best choice because Marinette soon found herself rolling down the hill. Marinette couldn’t tell if it wanted to play or just recognized her since it continued to lick her face when they stopped at the bottom of the hill.

“Hello there, buddy. It’s nice to see you too!”, she said, sitting up gently scratching its head.

“Marinette! Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Should I get Kaalki? We can-“, Tikki worrily pestered Marinette.

“I’m fine, Tikki. Titus just got a little excited!”, she soothed the god while reading the dog's name tag.

“You need to be more alert, Marinette! It could have been someone really dangerous. Plagg will certainly come with you next time once he hears about this!”, Tikki scolded.

“Calm down, Tikki. No one is even here besides me and this good boy. Aren’t you a good boy!”, Marinette cooed.

“His owner doesn’t seem to be here. What do you plan to do?”, the Kwami questioned.

“The dog is from that house we visited with Catwoman, Tikki. I think that’s why it ran up to me. Or it could be your magic since we do have pigeons circling above us?”, Marinette said.

“Then it would be best if you return him home without coming in contact with his owners.”, suggested Tikki.

“Right! We’ll have to cut this outing short and go get Kaalki. How does that sound Titus?”, Marinette asked the dog.

It let out a bark in agreement. Well to everyone else it sounded like a bark. She would never get used to the whole animals and plants talking to her thing. Standing up Marinette, Titus, and Tikki made their way back to her apartment. Titus even followed her up the stairs. It wouldn’t be surprising the dog was able to maneuver up the small steps with the mansion it lived in. Titus would have to have experience!

  “Miri’s, we’re home!”, Marinette called the Kwami’s by their nickname. Since they lived in the miraculous’ she had decided a name played of the word would be fitting. Creating the nickname ‘Miri’s’. The kwami that had permission out flew up to greet her and her guest. She briefly saw Tikki pull Plagg to the side most likely to tell him about their day.

“Kaalki, you remember Titus right?”, Marinette grinned at the Kwami.

“Yes, it’s that mutt that lunged at me when I came to retrieve you!”, the small horse spat out.

“That is no way to speak about him and you know it. Baark would be disappointed to hear this!”, she scolded.

“Sorry, Mari.”, he quietly apologized.

“It’s okay! Now, I need to return him home ASAP and I need your help.”, she explained.

“Of course, guardian! I’ll be glad for an adventure.”, Kaalki exclaimed.

“Great! Kaalki, full Gallop!”, Marinette called.

  A turquoise portal was opened up in front of her that led to a well taken care of yard. Marinette saw how Titus was wary of it and comforted him with a bright smile.

“Don’t worry Titus, your home is just on the other side. I’ll keep my hand right here while we go through!”, she said resting a hand on the top of his head.

Coaxing the dog through was much easier than dealing with a civilian. She’s had her fair share of people refusing to flee to safety just because it was magic. Seriously people, your heroes or vigilantes can’t save everyone! It’s not like you can’t peek your head through first before crossing, she would never understand Gothamites. Titus seemed to be trusting of her and calming followed her in and stepped out onto the grass.

“See, nothing bad happened. It was nice to see you again Titus but I have to go now! Be safe and try not to run off again. I’m sure your owner would deeply miss you.”, Marinette whispered while giving his head a final scratch. Titus barked a goodbye as she stepped back into her apartment and closed the portal.

  Calling off the transformation, Marinette flopped onto her couch and nestled into the blanket there. She hadn’t been back home for a full minute before she was bombarded.

“What’s this about you getting attacked!”

  Damian would kill whichever one of his brothers left not only the front door but the gate open when they left. He hoped it had been Drake since he despised him the most. Titus had run off when he saw his opportunity for freedom out of the well-known manor grounds. Damian had spent the whole day running around Gotham trying to locate him. The dog even had the gall to disable the GPS location chip on his collar by running into a pool of water. He knew this because of the notification of water damage when he first started his chase. Now Damian was home and in a sour mood.

  “Chill out Demon Spawn! Titus is hella smart and will come back eventually. Just let him roam around and live a little.”, Jason stated.

“You do not know that, Todd. For all we know he could be in a terrible pound or worse.”, Damian retorted.

“Baby Bird, he has a collar with our number. I’m sure when someone finds him they’ll give us a call.”, Dick said trying to reassure the youngest Wayne.

“Wait, we were looking for Titus? Isn’t that him in the yard?”, Tim questioned from his seat by the window.

There the missing dog was in all his glory barking a poor squirrel up a tree.

Tag list

@legallyspawned @chocolate1721 @spartanxhunterx @dreamykitty25 @toodaloo-kangaroo @vixen-uchiha @loveswifi @amayakans @jeptwin @thewonderlandartist @buticaaba @books-and-left-behind-journals @gigibnl @aegyobutpsycho2 @crazylittlemunchkin @maribat-is-lifeblood @myazael @abrx2002 @pawsitivelymiraculous @silvergold-swirl @chaos-inperson 

[bananxjin]

Trophy Wife || 7

↦ Coworker!Seokjin x Reader

↦ WC: 3,641

↦ Drama || Angst || Fluff || Slow Burn

↦ TRIGGER WARNINGS: Swearing, emotional, verbal, and some physical abuse. Non-Consensual kiss. Gaslighting. Possessive behavior. Reader feels trapped. Touru manhandles Reader. Mentions of bruising on the wrist/arms. There’s a moment where Touru attempts to undress her, but nothing happens. Insecurity and second guessing. Mentions of being kicked out. Most of the bad stuff is in the very beginning if that helps. Chapter ends on a sad note.

↦ Tagged: @lysannnnaa​, @vanillanjin​

↦ Summary: You thought you knew what you wanted – You were sure you knew what you wanted. You thought the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage with your fiance, Touru Kim; the love of your life, the future father of your children, and the man of your dreams, but things happen. Events begin to unfold, and the relationship falls apart. You see the true colors of your husband-to-be, and you realize that maybe he’s not what you built him up to be. With everything laid out in front of you, you knew the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage.

Just not with Touru.

(A/N PLEASE READ: I promise things are going to be much smoother sailing going forward, and this should be the only chapter that will be like this. This Is a Heads Up: This chapter is emotionally draining and could be triggering to some. This chapter will contain brief mentions of light physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. More details mentioned in the TW above as I didn’t want to blindside anybody. This is the final warning. Please proceed with caution.)

✨ Masterlist ✨

“You’re quitting that fucking job.”

“No I’m not! I enjoy having that job!” You passed your fiance in a huff, dropping your bag and keys on the dining table before you were spinning around to face him again. “It gives me a chance to get out of the house! To actually talk to people! Touru, I don’t wanna hang out around here all day--”

“Then you can start coming in to work with me since you need constant attention like a fucking dog!” His cheeks were tinged a slight pink, and his blond hair had been messed up a bit from the wind, but it only made him look angrier. Unapproachable even. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you tried to speak your next words softly.

“Touru. We don’t have kids yet. The house still stays clean, and there’s still dinner on the table at the end of the day. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

If looks could kill, you’d be dead where you stand. Touru’s furious glare burned a hole directly through your face and into the forefront of your mind. You wouldn’t let it upset you, though. This was just a misunderstanding. Something the two of you could work through. Just like you always have.

He addressed you with a dangerously low tone of voice. “You know very well what my “Problem” is, (Y/n). You walked out on his fucking arm tonight!” He gripped onto the back of one of your kitchen chairs tightly, leaning all of his weight into it as if it were his last leg of support, both emotionally and physically. All the while, he kept his head down and his eyes sealed shut.

“Touru…” Although you called out to him softly, your eyes were anything but. All the questions you had for him, begging to understand your lover's obsession with Seokjin; to just let you into his mindset, to help you make sense of it all. To make things right. But he’s never let up; not once.

“Touru, ever since I got this job, you’ve been obsessed with Jin, I don’t understand--”

“Oh, so it’s just Jin now?”

“That’s what he asked me to call him!” You quickly defended. “Please, I just want to understand! Do you know him? Did he say something to you?! Tell me!”

Touru pushed the chair away from him. Forcefully so; enough for it to topple and send it clattering across the kitchen floor, but the sound hardly registered in your mind. In just a few quick seconds, Touru was stomping towards you, filling your vision and closing the space between your two bodies. He aggressively took hold of your wrists and slammed them into the wood behind you. The air escaped your lungs in a violent huff as he crushed his lips against yours. It wasn’t even what you would consider a kiss, more like a means to shut you up. He was as quick to pull off as he was to initiate it.

“Touru--”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize him at the restaurant?” He sneered, leaning in closer. “Or how he worked overnight with you? And you lied to me so I wouldn’t know about it.”

“I-I…” You swallowed around the lump in your throat, “I knew you’d worry if I told you, so I…” Touru pressed his warm lips to your cheek, hushing you.

“You knew I’d worry? Or you knew I’d find out about your little affair?” Your blood ran cold at even the suggestion of you going behind his back with another man. You knew better than to entertain a fling with Jin, and even then, you knew you were in love with Touru. Was that not enough for him?

“Seokjin, he… He didn't do anything. We didn’t do anything. I promise, Touru.” Your voice cracked as he put some space between the two of you. Not much. Just enough for him to look you in the eye. If he acknowledged your defense, he showed no evidence of doing so.

“What about tonight? When I heard you bad mouthing April over that fucking botanical garden shit.” He hissed, “What, were you hoping that arrogant, lanky prick was gonna do something to fix that? Your white knight was going to make it all better? Get you your flower wedding?”

“When-”

“I’m guessing he was the one pushing you to go back into nursing school too, wasn’t he? Since you brought that shit up again!” His voice was booming against your eardrum as his grip tightened like a vice around your arms before slamming them into the door again, causing you to whimper out in pain.

“Tell me, (Y/n): How long has it been since you chose to drop out? Two years? Three, even?” “No, I--”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been checking in on you at your Job,” He enunciated mockingly, “And everytime I do, you’re always hanging off that stupid mans arm like… Like some whore!” Your fingers began to tingle as his grip only got stronger.

“Have you forgotten you’re engaged?! Should I show you who you belong to?!” He demanded. Without waiting for a response, one of his hands released your arm so he could tug your skirt up. His pupils were blown out as his fingers wrestled with your panties, but you furiously fought him off.

“Stop! Stop it!” You thrashed and smacked at his shoulders. Finally wrestling your other arm out of his grip, you gave a harsh shove to his chest, and he stumbled back. There were tears brimming your eyes as your glare met his.

“Jin is my coworker! He’s my friend! That’s all he is; it’s all he’s ever been!” Your voice came out hoarse, “I don’t understand why you’re acting like this!”

“He’s forcing his way into our relationship! He’s ruining my plans!” Touru shouted back, grabbing you by the arms and shaking you with each word that left his mouth. “Why don’t you understand that all he is doing is trying to take you away from me!?”

And just like that, any fight you had left had drained from your body. Your lips were sucked between your teeth, eyes squeezed shut as your body became dead weight against his.

“It’s not like that… It’s not like that at all…”

You dropped your head down, sniffling as you finally felt the warm tears streaming down your cheeks. Forcefully sucking back the snot that had built up in your nose. Touru snarled and shoved you back.

“Cry all you want. It’s not getting you out of the argument this time.” He hissed. Your back hit the door with a soft thud before you were sliding down into a huddled position. Your arms wrapped tight across your body, gripping your shoulders with such force that you could feel the nail indentations in your skin. You kept your face buried in your arms to hide your tear stained cheeks away from Touru. Away from everyone.

“I am done playing these games with you. You have until tomorrow to make a decision.” He huffed, fixing his tie as his tone returned back to normal.

“It’s me or the job.”

Your eyes remained glued to the floor while he silently stalked off without another word. His angry footsteps echoed off the walls around you, like a beating drum pounding against your ears as he moved further and further away until finally. Finally, you heard the bedroom door slam shut.

Your lungs expelled any remnants of air and with it, all the tears you’d been holding back. You felt lightheaded when you could finally breathe in again, your head held tightly in the crooks of your arms as if you were protecting yourself. It was all you could do to keep control of the sobbing and the shaking raking itself through your body in violent waves.

It’s him or the job.

Him or the job.

Him or the job…

You don’t remember falling asleep. Or waking up. Your whole was morning lost in the midst of a hazy blur. You barely got any sleep at all that night, and you had to be at work early for another opening shift. Your energy was beyond depleted, and you weren’t even sure you were going to make it through the day. But the only alternative was going home.

There’s no escape no matter where you turn.

“Hey!” You’re startled by Jin’s sudden hand on your shoulder. “I texted you last night, but you didn’t respond. Was everything okay?” You give him a look like, ‘What do you mean?’ Before pulling your phone out. But you can’t even check your messages before you're caught once again by Jin’s sudden gasp.

“Oh my god, what happened?” He gently took one of your wrists between his hands, but you were quick to pull away and turn your back to him, as if that was going to undo the damage. As if somehow, shutting him out would make all of this go away.

“It doesn’t matter, Jin” You tugged your sleeves down as much as you could to conceal the purple marks. “Look. I had a really rough night last night, and I don’t even want to be here today. I just… Really need some space if you don’t mind.”

Jin was taken back by your nonchalant attitude. “He… Touru didn’t do that to you, did he? Because if he did--”

“No!” You snapped, turning back to him with pinkish cheeks and drawn in brows. “I’m sorry,” You sighed, closing your eyes for a second. “No, I… It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it.”

“(Y/n)… If he’s hurting you, you need to tell someone--” “I don’t think I need you telling me what to do, Seokjin.” You lied through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna get to work. Let me know if you need anything.”

And like that, your walls went right back up again. The whole day, you were no more than a football field's length away at all times, but being shut out by you made it feel so much further. There was a strange wave of déjà vu that would wash over Jin whenever he saw you,  constantly reminding him of the first time he tried to talk to you about Touru. The first time he’d really upset you.

But things are different now…

…Aren’t they?

Somehow Jin felt like this time would be different. Different in a way that maybe he wasn’t ready to see, and the one time he needed to talk to you about it, he wasn’t allowed to. He kept catching glimpses of you throughout the day. Passing by you in a sea of customers or when he’d be making runs to other sections of the store.

There were several times where you’d catch each other’s eye by accident and he’d attempt to smile at you, but you’d just look the other way. Jin couldn’t deny the stinging feeling deep in his chest. The fear that maybe this was the end of your friendship.

He did what he could to give you your space, but working in an environment like this made it difficult. Several times, he had to request your assistance, or he’d find himself in the same dressing room as you, going about his business as if things were normal, but otherwise, he tried his best to stay out of your way. He didn’t speak a word to you. Not because he was upset with you, but to respect your space. In the rare moments he did find himself beside you, you wouldn’t even acknowledge his presence. Either pretending like he wasn’t there, or dashing off without a word. It was painful, but what could he do? What could he say to make it better?

The worst part about all of this is that he knew. He knew Touru put those bruises on your wrists, but here you were at work, going on like everything was normal. Tonight, you’d go home to him and -- What, forgive him? Tell him you love him and pretend like it was normal?

What if she already broke up with him? What if that’s the reason why...

At the end of the day, Jin went home with more questions than answers. Went home wondering about the what ifs and how things could’ve been different had he intervened when he had the chance.

Late into the night, he tried texting you again. He went over the text a thousand times, reading it and re-reading it, hoping it was enough to get a response. At least enough to tell him you’d be okay. But the minutes turned into hours and still, silence. Frustration. Anger. Despair. Restless, but not quite tired enough to fall asleep. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t. All he could do was hope that you were safe and that things wouldn’t change too much. Because above all else…

He didn’t want to lose you.

__

If you were in a movie, this would be it.

This would be the final scene. The one where everything magically fixed itself. The one where the love of your life proves your best friend wrong -- That he can, and he will become a better man. The Right Man. Just for you. He’d be waiting for you in the kitchen with puffy, tear stained eyes and an apology on his lips.

He’d tell you he was wrong. He was wrong for how he acted last night. And he was wrong about Seokjin. He’s been wrong about him this whole time, and it’s okay if you continue to be friends with him.

If this were a movie, this would be your bittersweet ending. Sure, you didn’t fall in love with the best friend character, but you would come out of this with a happy marriage. One that is filled with unconditional love where you’re surrounded by your friends and family. This would be your favorite scene.

But this wasn’t a movie, and the problem wouldn’t magically fix itself. This was the part you’d been dreading all afternoon because until you walked through that front door, you didn’t know what was going to happen.

You thought about it all day; your ultimatum. You thought about the way Touru manhandled you the night before, and the clear indication of what happened having been left behind for people like Jin to see. The part you’ve spent the last five years trying to hide from everyone else.

Your mind had wandered back to your parents relationship while you were growing up; wandered about the times you heard them yelling at each other downstairs, and you questioned if they ever had moments like this. Where everything felt like it was falling apart.

Sure, arguments were bound to happen in any relationship, but were they always meant to make you feel this bad?

Click.

Walking into your house felt like walking into an unknown universe. You stood alone in the kitchen with Touru nowhere in sight, and still you felt alienated.

The setting sun cast a warm glow across your kitchen, stretching along your torso to paint you in a soft orange color. It almost felt like a hug from an old friend. Like somehow, you were being told that things aren’t as bad as they seem.

But that’s a lie. Things have been bad for a long, long time.

You glanced around. The kitchen was spotless just like it had been this morning. The chair had been set upright, although there was a clear mark on the leg where it had skidded across the floor.

Just another reminder…

You felt an obligation to start on dinner. To run off to Touru’s study and wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek. Maybe if you could pretend -- You would set the scene, and maybe Touru would go along with it.

“(Y/n)? Is that you?” Touru called out from down the hall.

You didn’t respond at first, instead wanting to gather up the courage to face him, but he was standing in the kitchen archway before long, leaning against the white wood with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Welcome home.” He muttered softly. “Thank you,” You smiled. “How was work?”

He didn’t respond immediately. His eyes darted down to your hands, tightly sealed together by the threads of your fingers. Just beneath your sleeve, he could see the hint of purple bruising peeking out at him. Begging for his attention.

Something seemed to flash in his gaze for a moment, but it vanished before you could address it.

“Work was fine.” He sighed, pushing himself off the wall and allowing his hands to fall at his sides. He finally raised his head back up, looking you in the eye, resembling the same poker faced man you’ve known for half a decade. No guilt or even an ounce of remorse crossed his face. Not a single tear. No apologies. Nothing.

“So? What’s the final verdict?” You swallowed. Now it was your turn to cross your arms. The million dollar question, but here you stood with no answer for him.

You couldn’t do it. You wanted some control; some normalcy that wasn’t just waking up to cook, clean, and do the shopping. You weren’t ready for all the things that came with being a trophy wife, but that didn’t mean you were willing to let go of the only meaningful relationship you’ve ever had either.

You looked down at your toes; at the mark on the chair. Anywhere that wasn’t him hoping there was an easy answer for you to find. But the silence was too heavy and drawn out, and so Touru took that as your answer.

“That’s what I figured.” He sighed, turning away to stroll through the living room. “I’ve laid out some of the suitcases for when you got home. But I want you out tonight.”

“Wait, Touru!” Your voice was laced with panic; your ears rang with fear as you chased after him, heels clacking on the hardwood floor.

“Can we talk about this?” “There’s nothing else to talk about, (Y/n).” His voice was firm in his reply, already having sat back down at his desk. His computer sprung back to life as he fiddled with his mouse, going about his work as if he didn’t just tell you to leave your shared house.

“You have to understand, I enjoy working! It’s not anything to do with you or not wanting to be a mother!” You pleaded, “I get bored and lonely all day, and-”

“I said I’m not discussing this anymore, (Y/n).”

“It’s not fair of you to make this decision on your own! I wanted to go into nursing, and you shot that down! This is only a temporary job that’s meant to last until we get married, and-”

“(Y/n)-”

“We’re still going to get married and everything’s going to be okay! We’re just going through a rough patch right now! I love you so much, and-”

“(Y/N)!” His voice echoed off the walls as he stood out of his office chair abruptly, causing it to knock into his desk. The computer shimmied with force and all his office supply tumbled onto the carpet.

“Do you even care about how I feel?” He asked, shoulders hunched around his ears. “It’s been hurting me these last couple months having to be close to you, knowing that you’re actively lying to me to go spend time with another man.”

“He’s just my coworker, Touru.” You whimpered. “You have five secretaries; all women. All who work very closely with you every single day, and I’ve never once accused you of cheating on me--”

“They’re all married, (Y/n)! They’d never try to come between you and me--” “You don’t even know if Jin’s married! You don’t know anything about him--” “Is he, (Y/n)?!” He demanded suddenly.

“What?”

“Is Seokjin married? Because he acts awfully friendly with you for being a married man.” At that, you fell silent. Once again looking away from him because you didn’t have the right answer.

“That’s what I thought.”

Your eyes filled with tears. “Touru,” You said his name softly, reaching out for him but he jerked away, just out of reach. “Touru, all I’ve been doing is working, and him seeing us at the restaurant was pure coincidence, I promise! I… I had no idea he even worked there…”

“You’ve done nothing but lie to me, (Y/n). Ever since you got this job, that’s all it’s been…” He sighed. ”I don’t trust you right now. I’m sorry.”

And there it was…

The one thing you’ve known; the one thing you’ve been scared of him saying to you for months has finally come out.

“Touru, please…” You couldn’t hardly breathe around the lump in your throat. Your voice became strained and whiny as the tears finally bubbled over. “Please don’t do this! I love you!” You reached for his hand again, but he just snatched it away from you.

“Please! There has to be another way around this! What else can I do?”

Touru shook his head. “I think it’s best if we separate for a while… At least until I feel like I can talk to you again.”

“”So that’s it? You’re just going to get rid of me?” You sniffled, “You’re just going to kick me out of our house--”

“My house.” He corrected, glancing at you from over his shoulder. “It was my money that bought this place--”

“Nobody’s making you pay for all of this on your own! I could easily help you; I want to help you--” “I don’t need your fucking help, (Y/n)!” He sneered at you.

“I need to feel like you love me again.”

[florenceandthemachine]

talk to me about stiles blindsiding the hell out of jackson with his absolutely insane dirty talking talent that leaves jackson flustered and blushing like HE’S the virgin and not stiles

In retrospect, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise. Stiles never shut up. Ever. It f the few constants in the universe, the Stilinski Motor Mouth.

That’s not to say it was a bad thing—Stiles had talked himself out of a hostage situation, a locked room with a chupacabra, and three speeding tickets, one of which was when he was riding passenger in Jackson’s Porsche. And Jackson, against his will, found it oddly comforting—trust was essential in any relationship, and he knew as soon as his plane touched down in California that as long as Stiles was talking, everything was going to be okay.

Which, in hindsight, was the stupidest mistake he had ever made.

Jackson’s year abroad (“yes, Stilinski, that’s what we’re calling it. It sounds way better than ‘the year my parents basically held me hostage in England’.”) had been a very long, but eye opening year of what felt like non stop therapy and physical training. The pack that had more or less adopted his sorry ass was nothing like Derek’s—meaning it was functional—but Jackson learned quickly that the alpha, a kindly woman named Charisse, didn’t take well to any of Jackson’s rich boy problems. Like, at all. She had taken to ignoring Jackson flat out when he was wrong, which was something that he quickly discovered was far more effective than any physical punishment, and made it well known that she was not going to hear a single complaint out of his mouth unless he was asking for help.

So when he finally broke down and begged for help, after three months of alternating back breaking physical training and completely pointed silence, she literally welcomed him with open arms—like, literally, hugged him and shoved a business card into his hands—to the world of therapy.

He learned (slowly, sure, but he still learned) about himself. About how he handled relationships, how he generally took on WAY too much blame, and weirdly enough, how important it was for him to talk things through.

Jackson could more or less pinpoint the exact point in his life where he realized that ‘talking being important to him’ and ‘Stilinski being important to him’ were one and the same. He could also pinpoint the exact place where the drywall in his bedroom had been patched after he had thrown his phone through the wall upon that realization.

Once he was over his tantrum, though, he simply accepted that fact and decided to move on. He continued to train. He continued therapy. And for the first time in the eight months he had been gone, he actually texted Stiles back (at the urging of his therapist, from a new phone, his old one lost in the walls of his apartment building).

Stiles had been texting him off and on for the months he had been gone, and Jackson was initially distraught to discover that he was the only member of the Beacon Hills pack that actually bothered to keep in touch with him (save Lydia, but it would take an act of god to keep the two of them apart). There were several strings of texts, none of which Jackson had replied to, none of which he was going to reply to.

The first text that Jackson sent Stiles, fully aware and not caring that his therapist was hovering over his shoulder, was only five words.

“You are important to me.”

Four months later, he claimed his inheritance, hugged his Alpha goodbye, and treated himself to one last purchase on his parents black card before he cut it up and threw it away—a one way, first class ticket to California.

Stiles met him at the terminal at LAX.

The rest, as they say, was history.

-

To his benefit, Stiles didn't seem all that shocked when Jackson came back from England as a person that was capable of communication.

What did shock him, though, was that Jackson didn’t just talk. It was that when Stiles spoke, Jackson actually listened.

Because Stiles rambled. He knew he rambled, and that when he rambled, people didn’t usually listen to him, they just kind of tuned out. Stiles thought that was what Jackson was doing as he paced around the living room in Jackson’s apartment, stopping only to kiss Jackson hello before complaining about one of the kids in the class he was TA-ing. So you could imagine his shock when Jackson laughed, shaking his head, asking if if was the same person who had mixed up cauterizing and catheterizing in last weeks essay, because “if it was, seriously Stilinski, I’m going to start blaming you for these kids stupidity.”

Stiles had come to a screeching halt, his mouth gaping, looking at Jackson like he had grown a second head, and Jackson’s smile immediately slipped when he looked up.

“You... you actually listened to me complaining?”

It was then Jackson’s turn to look at Stiles like he was crazy,

“The fuck do you mean, of course I was. Why would I be ignoring you?”

Stiles didn’t respond, which was probably for the best, as he was suddenly very occupied trying to tie his and Jackson’s tongue into a knot.

-

So, yes. Stiles talked, and Jackson listened. There was just one thing that Jackson couldn’t figure out.

When they got to bed (which they had gotten to fairly quickly—hey, who could blame them?) Stiles was almost silent. Other than the occasional grunt or high pitched whine, Stiles seemed to swallow most of the noises he could have made, and it frustrated Jackson to no end.

He finally decided he had had enough of that, though, one ordinary evening when he was taking up his favorite past time—bouncing on Stiles’ dick. He was putting on a fucking show, too, moaning and gasping and taking the lead and while Stiles was doing all the right motions, he was doing it one handed, because he was practically biting a hole in his other wrist to keep himself quiet.

Jackson decided he had enough. He slammed down on Stiles dick, taking him up to the hilt, powerful thighs locking Stiles hips in place, so no matter how much Stiles squirmed, they wouldn’t move.

“Stiles.” he snapped—or maybe growled, his voice low and gravely, panting, eyes blue and hair wild, and at least Stiles looked appropriately blissed out too.

“If you don’t talk to me. If you don’t say something, right now, I am never going to move and we are going to die of blue balls.”

Stiles gaped at him for all of two seconds, and then it was like a damn broke.

“Do you have any idea how pretty you are, Jackson?”

Which, okay, not where Jackson thought they would start, but he wasn’t complaining.

“God, you look so good, spread on my cock like you were made for it. Like we were made for one another.”

Jackson shuddered and Stiles grinned, the small, nonverbal communication all he needed to continue.

“I love it, Jackson. Love watching you split yourself open on my dick—“ Jackson moved, finally, grunting as Stiles met his thrust, “—such a good boy, god, so good for me Jacks—“ and Jackson was panting, his eyes rolling back in pleasure, “—so fucking good for me, mine, fucking all mine, you’re fucking mine and I’m never letting you go—“ and Jackson was climaxing, his back arched as he let out a strangled cry, body convulsing as he came untouched. Stiles chest and stomach was messy with his cum, and then Stiles was coming too, filling Jackson with a steady narration of “so good, fucking perfect, pretty, mine, fucking mine.”

They were both out of breath by the time Jackson collapsed on top of Stiles, the only sound in the room their panted breaths, though it was no surprise when Stiles spoke first.

“That... that was okay?”

Jackson laughed, tugging Stiles close, his voice completely wrecked as he kissed the back of his head. “Stiles, if I could feel my legs right now, I would be back on your dick letting you know just how very okay it was.”

-

Stiles had never shied away from complimenting Jackson, but now they took on a different tone—sexual, possessive, and Jackson loved it. It wasn’t just “you look so good today,” it was “you look so good for me today”. It wasn’t “I’m so proud of you”, it was “I can’t wait to reward you”. And when Stiles had a bad day and needed a distraction, it was no longer the wordless beconing to the bedroom—now, Stiles would come home, sit in his lap, and say “My day was terrible, and I missed you, and I need you to come to bed and tongue fuck me until I cry.”

Jackson would never admit it, but these were the moments he loved the most—when he got Stiles so blissed out on his tongue, or his cock, or even a few fingers if he could angle them just right, that Stiles was a broken, babbling mess beneath him. He took it as a point of pride when he got Stiles beyond comprehension, and today must have been a particularly difficult day, because in between the “oh fuck, right there, fuck, Jackson, so good” and the “oh baby, fucking yes, Jacks, god, please” Stiles just dissolved into repetition, affirming and reaffirming how much Jackson was loved and valued and loved and amazing and fucking loved.

Afterward, when they were both sweaty and sated and out of breath, Jackson held Stiles close and they just talked about what was bothering Stiles, about what had happened, and they worked through whatever it was. That was almost as good as the sex, not that Jackson would admit it.

It wasn’t just speaking, Jackson learned quickly, that Stiles had been holding back on. Speaking just seemed to be the kingpin of it all. But now Jackson was getting dirty pictures sent to him at random points of the day. He was getting text messages that were so graphic, he had to immediately excuse himself to the restroom. He was getting voicemails that were just breathy moans and the sound of skin on skin. Stiles was a menace, to the point where the rest of the pack would refuse to be in the same room with them once one of the pair got That Look in their eye... and Jackson loved it.

(Jackson had immediately panicked when he came home one day and Stiles was silently pacing in the living room, but he should have known better than to worry. By the time the night was over, they had only exchanged five [coherent] words—four from Stiles, one from Jackson. The solid weight of the ring on Jackson’s finger said the rest.)

[cfosborns]

would you look at harold osborn roaming around the avenger’s tower! they’re supposedly harry and work with oscorp, identifying as a civilian. they are around here often, so i wonder what’s got them here today. it’s  been said that they’ve been acting off for one month, so maybe it has to do with the tower. lets just hope the new york times doesn’t have much to say about them in the future.

( @rewrittenintro questionnaire and about under the cut! )

statistics:

name: harold theopolis “harry” osborn age: 23 faceclaim: gavin leatherwood  alias: harry powers/skills: harry has no powers, but is pretty intelligent, currently getting a graduate degree in chemical engineering. he’s skilled in science, math, and law, but his skills are almost exclusively academic. he also has money alliance: none threat level (out of ten):  three - harry is intelligent and has influential power through his family name, but lacks the physical powers and/or tactical gear to be a true threat. he’s also currently still a civilian, meaning he hasn’t taken on his father’s mantle (in fact, he’s completely unaware of it, if it even exists yet) history file  (link wiki):  1, 2, 3 notable changes from 2012 to the timeline they were pulled from: his dad’s been acting really strange lately, putting strain on their relationship. harry’s not sure what’s going on or why his father is acting this way, but their constant tension is really putting a toll on harry. last memory before ending up in nyc, 2012: getting ready to sneak into his father’s office, trying to find out what he’s been hiding from him.

questionnaire:

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally. “Well, I woke up hungover, if that tells you anything,” Harry joked, resting his head in his hand. “But in general, pretty alright. Classes are tough, but I wouldn’t exactly expect anything less.”

Where are you living? The same place you lived in 2012, or displaced to a random apartment? Explain to the best of your ability. “I’m living in an apartment near school. My dad originally wanted me to stay home, but it’s not like we can’t afford a place of my own, you know? Besides, he’s busy with work, I’m busy with school. It’s not like we would have seen each other, anyway.” His last sentence contained an almost bitter note to it, but the way Harry folded his arms across his chest indicated he wasn’t going to delve any deeper than he already had.

What do YOU think we should do about the situation at hand? Try to go back home? The original mission of stopping Thanos? Rewrite the entire story? Harry blinked in surprise. “What do you want me to do about it? I don’t know! I’m not like Spider-Man or anything. My specialty’s in air pollution, not doomsday, so time travel isn’t exactly my forte. Stopping Thanos would be nice, though.

What will you DO about the situation at hand? “Again, what am I supposed to do about it?” he asked incredulously. “I don’t have that kind of equipment. Honestly, I’m gonna get a head start on the work that took me years to finish, and hopefully by the time the Avengers figure this out, we’ll return to a much less polluted New York.”

Is there anything that you think needs to be done? “I don’t know. The physics of time travel or whatever weird space-phenomenon did this is outside my wheelhouse. I don’t know the first thing about what happened, let alone what’s going on.”

If need be, would you be willing to team up with the government and SHEILD to recoup and help the situation at hand? Harry scoffed, averting his eyes from the conversation. “I’m not the right Osborn to be asking that question to.” His dad had plenty of hands in the pockets of government agents, but whether he would offer Oscorp’s help, Harry wasn’t sure.

What are your worries? That I’ll fail mom. That dad will keep pulling away, or that he’s doing something stupid. That he won’t accept my research. All of these thoughts flooded Harry’s mind at first, but he didn’t dare say them out loud. All he answered, with a low voice, was, “That things could get worse.”

What do you think are the pros about this situation? “I mean, if there is a bright side, it’s that I have the knowledge to get my research done sooner.” Harry finally smiled. “I know it sounds selfish, but the sooner I can get this right, the sooner we’re on our way to a New York not plagued by air pollution. Is that really so bad?”

Anything else? “Yeah, have you seen Peter? I think I left my keys at his place. Or, I hope I did, otherwise I’m screwed.”

about:

harry osborn is the only child of norman osborn, founder and ceo of oscorp, an industrial giant with fingers in just about every pie, from the medical field to up-and-coming technology. 

his mother, emily osborn, was an environmental lawyer, who harry looked up to for her strong convictions and her compassion. she died when he was thirteen from oshtoran syndrome, a rare genetic disease. harry worries he might have the same genes, and hopes they remain dormant.

had some acute lonely rich kid syndrome growing up, but this got better as time went on and he went to college aka got more autonomy

his mom is part of the reason he was inspired to pursue an advanced degree in chemical engineering. his current focus is on finding a way to decrease/eliminate air pollution in NYC

this is part of what’s been causing some strain on his relationship with his dad, who harry is realizing might not be on board with harry’s ideas (for selfish reasons)

is also interning at oscorp while he's in school (and being groomed to take over for his father)

harry is also unaware of his dad’s true intentions or identity (aka if norman is currently/becomes the green goblin, harry has no idea)

still wants to fix his relationship with his dad because he’s the only family he’s got (if anything happens to his family he Will Go Apeshit because he already lost his mom when he was young he can’t lose his dad too) 

has yet to realize he’s actually good at/big into revenge (a trait he got from his dad, but he’s yet to be in a situation where that’s really required on a dangerous scale)

doesn’t realize his blindness to the feelings of others (and thus his potential to hurt others depending) when he’s blinded by his own strong emotions

has yet to uncover his father’s identity, spider-man’s identity, or feel blindsided by both. there’s definitely potential to take on his father’s mantle, or maybe this time around, things will be different. but the apple never falls far from the tree...

ooc:

( this harry is pulled from a few different sources of media, mainly comics, the spider-man ps4 game, and the 00′s spider-man films. some creative liberties were taken since he isn’t an extremely fleshed-out character in the modern adaptation he’s in and he’s had many different arcs throughout the comics )

[mr-entj]

Hi Mr ENTJ, How do you deal with doubt? That gripping feeling that you're just not enough and you should be better? How do you look for answers from the inside rather than just patch in on from the outside? Thanks.

Related answers:

Can you talk about the quality(ies) or trait(s) that contributed most to your success?

What do you think is required from a person to succeed ?

Dealing with failure and overcoming adversity

You’re referring specifically to self-doubt. This is a great question that took me a long time to properly articulate a response because I didn’t want to dismiss it with a stereotypical: “I don’t feel self-doubt. I just fix the problem, power through it, and move on!” like every other ExTJ out there. I want to properly explain why this is the case so let me try:

I don’t often experience self-doubt or the gripping feeling that I’m not good enough, not because I’m a perfect human being (far from it-- here’s a greatest hits collection of some of my biggest failures), but because of my general approach to life that’s shaped by a few key beliefs.

1. I know where the world ends and where I begin

This means that I know where the line exists between what I want and what the world wants, between who I am and who other people want me to be, and between my expectations for my life and other people’s expectations of me. I see this boundary crystal clear and I enforce it. I set my own goals and I hold myself accountable to them.

This helps fight self-doubt because I don’t attach my self-esteem and self-worth to externally defined goals or assessments, I don’t accept unwanted input into my personal life from people who don’t matter, and I don’t compare myself to other people in destructive ways. If I compare myself to other people, it’s for the purposes of data gathering and not validation.

For example, the knowledge that most students graduate college in 4 years tells me that 4 years is the average amount of time. My key takeaway is that 3 years is above average speed and 4+ years is below average speed so I should aim to get my degree in approximately 4 years. My key takeaway is not that I’m a disastrous failure if I don’t graduate college in 4 years. And FYI, I ended up graduating in 6 years because I dropped out for 2 years and I still turned out fine.

Self-defined and self-enforced goals are critical to combating self-doubt because they mute all the outside noise; pushy parents, nosy friends, aggressive colleagues, and fickle societal standards. Life is very difficult by itself without the added complexity of multiple people pulling you in different directions that you don’t even want to go. Set clear boundaries and take the time to self-reflect what’s important to you so that you can be happy with the results of your efforts even if they don’t yield acknowledgement from anyone else.

tl;dr:

Find peace with the life you create for yourself because it’s you that has to live it.

2. I keep the big picture in mind, always

This means perspective. In the grand scheme of things, small losses here and there don’t amount to much because life is a marathon and not a sprint. This means that if you screw up today, there’s a high chance you can fix it tomorrow. If not, then know the world isn’t going to end because of it. The sun will still rise, babies will still be born, puppies will still be cute, your family will still love you, Tumblr will still be toxic, and the earth will still spin on its axis. I have failed classes, almost got held back in school, screwed up at work, infuriated important people, been rejected from 100+ jobs, lost important scholarships, and things still worked out because those failures didn’t matter in the long run even if they felt enormous at the time I was experiencing them. I know mistakes can be fixed, they’re not permanent, and they don’t sabotage the grand vision I have for my life. It makes the times I fall on my ass less painful which consequently makes me less fearful of trying to fly over and over again until I get it right.

This helps fight self-doubt because I attach failure to individual outcomes (actions) but I do not attach failure to me personally (identity).

For example, if I applied to Harvard University but got rejected, my interpretation of that outcome is this: “I failed to get into Harvard.” Yes, I failed to get into Harvard (action) but no, I am not a failure (identity).

The failure starts and stops at the end of an outcome, I don’t let it escape its container and infect other parts of my life by internalizing this kind of garbage: “I failed to get into Harvard so I’m dumb, I’m unworthy, and I suck.” This prevents self-doubt because I know failure is an isolated incident and I don’t take it personally. I don’t absorb failure as a personal identity-- I attach it to the specific event, action, or outcome and then store it in my vast library of knowledge as a lesson learned.

tl;dr:

Life is long and screwing up is part of the journey. Remember that you can fail at things (action) without being a failure (identity).

3. I accept that life is a game of probability

This means that I view life as a statistics game with events on a sliding scale between low probability of success and high probability of success. Probability of success is influenced by many variables such as my preparation, my natural abilities, the economy, my competition, timing, etc. I adjust the probability of success based on those variables to make better predictions:

I know that if my goal is to join the National Basketball Association (NBA), my probability of success is lower because my basketball skills and physical traits are below the average of a typical professional basketball player.

I know that if my goal is to get accepted to one of the best universities in the world, my probability of success is higher because my grades, test scores, and academic profile are above the average of a typical applicant.

Low probability of success doesn’t mean low effort. I don’t half-ass things that are unlikely to happen, I put high effort in all my endeavors if I really care about them and an obvious example of that is my life. Everything I’ve achieved in my life has been statistically improbable because I come from an underprivileged background where it was highly unlikely for me to have the life I have now. I beat the odds and achieved my goals anyway because I maximized my chances of success.

This perspective influences how I interpret success and failure:

Low probability of success that results in failure: “This outcome is what I expected so I’m not surprised, but at least I tried, gave it my best shot, and I know the answer. I’ll learn where I can improve and take that knowledge forward into the future.”

Low probability of success that results in success: “This outcome is not what I expected but I’m pleased it went my way. I understand this was an exception to the norm and I’m grateful it leaned in my favor.”

High probability of success that results in success: “This outcome is what I expected and I’m pleased it went my way. I need to continue doing the things that worked well and keep that knowledge for future reference.”

High probability of success that results in failure: “This outcome is not what I expected so I’m disappointed. I need to evaluate why I failed, understand how I can improve, and try again until I get it right.”

This helps fight self-doubt because it does one very crucial thing for me: it makes it impossible for me to lose.

I tell people all the time: “I’m undefeated because I’m still standing and I’m still going.” I can’t lose, I can only learn. It enables me to set realistic goals, have realistic expectations about my chances to achieve them, understand why I failed, and feel grateful when I succeed. Success is never guaranteed and failure is always accounted for in my calculations so I’m never blindsided. I know that I can be “perfect” and still fail, but I also know that I can be “imperfect” and still succeed. If I’ve done everything within my power and it’s still not going my way, then I’m not plagued with self-doubt because I can accept it was beyond my control and that it’s time to try something else.

tl;dr:

Many things in life are out of your control but try your best so you have peace of mind that you’re not quitting-- you’re moving on.

I’m not invincible, but for these reasons, it’s rare for me to feel self-doubt because I don’t view life as a game of “am I good enough or not?” I view life as a game of “what’s the best way to get what I want and did it work?” My two options are then: 1) Succeed, learn, and move on or 2) Fail, learn, and move on. There’s no third option to spiral into uncertainty and crippling self-doubt. I focus my energy on identifying the problem, the variables I can control, and the learnings from my outcomes.

In the rare times I do feel self-doubt, I go through a rigorous self-reflection exercise to identify the cause whether that’s concerns about personal decisions I’ve made, thoughts on my professional trajectory, or the state of my relationships. I identify the outcome that I want, gather information on how to secure that outcome, and give it my best shot. The result of that effort provides knowledge, wisdom, and opportunities to either 1) continue on the same path or 2) stop and try something else.

Ultimately, I always feel like there’s something wonderful in life waiting for me just around the corner and agonizing over past failures or self-doubt-- instead of getting up and trying again-- only delays me getting it.

[rainbows-fanfics]

Our Nightmare (Chapter 7)

Summary: Sally moves in with the man of her screams. But there  is still so much she has to learn of Halloween Town, and what it’s like  living with The Pumpkin King.

A sequel to Two Dearest Friends,  where the Christmas incident never happens. But there are still many  ends that haven’t been met, and much for these two dreamers to learn as  they start to spend their deaths together.

Pairings: Jack Skellington/Sally, Dr Finklestein/Jewel

–

Note: This is a SEQUEL to my other story, TWO DEAREST FRIENDS. To read the original story, go here.

–

"-Two gallons of ectoplasm, thirty layers or so of cobwebs and....I think that's it!"

The Mayor's joyous voice booms as the final stack of paperwork falls onto the table. The tall skeleton across from him smiles, grabbing it and sorting it into the proper bin. They both sigh in relief as they continue to work. Finally, the biggest project of the day - finished. If all goes well, everything else should go by like a breeze and they can go home early.

In these final hours of his work, Jack Skellington starts to think about returning to the Manor. To the now-occupied walls of his home, with his ghostly dog and girlfriend waiting for him to step through those doors. Rejoicing with the love of his death, holding her tight as he slides his fingers through her blood-colored hair...They would settle in the night with a lovely supper, and likely talk about their days-

"I must say, we've been getting such terrible work done lately!" His coworker's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "I don't think I've seen you this inspired in years!"

He bows his skull down humbly. His inspiration is obvious with how excited he is to work nowadays. His enthusiasm must've been picked up by those around him, which isn't very surprising. One's high spirits for Halloween tends to be very contagious here.

The Mayor notices his silence and grins widely. "-Although, I suppose we have Sally to thank for that, don't we?"

The Pumpkin King brings his head up slowly. If he had skin, he was sure the faintest blush would be showing on his cheeks right now. Instead, the ends of his smile twitch in delight. There is a knowing look somewhere in the Mayor's swirled eye, as oblivious as he can be, sometimes.

"It just took some time for this old skull to come up with new ideas." He knocks on the side of it for effect. "Once I was in a horrible mood again, the inspiration just came!" He leans back a little in his chair. "-That, and she does have wonderful ideas."

"Oh? Like what?"

He sets his feathered pen down and stares at the table in thought. So many words want to slip off his tongue in that moment - but the last thing he wants to do is blab on and on about Sally in the middle of work. Although the idea of talking about his sweetheart sounded heavenly to him...

"She's quite talented in making clothes, you see - designing them. She's come to me with all sorts of fabrics and ideas...layering the cobwebs was inspired by her. She did something very similar with a dress one time."

"How horrible! I didn't even know that was her idea!"

He smiles, and the conversation dies down from there. They continue to work across from each other in silence. The skeleton feels a litle distracted, remembering all the cute dresses Sally has shown him....the way she twirls around for him after she tries them on, fluttering her eyes at him as she asks him what he thinks...It makes his bones swell, and suddenly his suit feels a little tight again.

The Mayor drops his pencils and hums in thought. His gaze soon comes back to Jack, and he learns on the desk casually. "Maybe we could talk about some things off the record..? It's been awhile since we've caught up!"

He looks at him curiously before setting down his own work. Rarely would the man be willing to talk about anything but Halloween. "That sounds awful. Why not?"

"Well, how are things going with Sally? I assume she's all settled in, being with you for a little while now."

"She's adjusting nicely. She's been plenty curious about things around my home. It's nice having someone around again."

"Right! You've been living with Zero all this time." His tone almost sounds sympathetic. "If you ask me, it's about time you're finally living with a woman like Sally."

"I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, Mayor." He sounds smitten as he rests his skull in his hand. "Falling in love is the most terrible thing that's happened to me. I feel like I'm a whole new skeleton!"

He chuckles. "It's nice to see you this excited. I was almost starting to think something was different about you. You've never talked this much through work, and we've had some meetings that came to no luck before."

"There shouldn't be anything like that anymore. Not when I'm this inspired!"

The man falls quiet. He himself doesn't understand the same feelings his superior is going through - but he feels happy for him, regardless. Anything that can get the Pumpkin King back on his feet and focused on Halloween is alright with him. And from what he's known of Sally, back in the days where he'd pay visits to the Doctor...she is something special. He never would have guessed she'd become the rotten apple of Jack's eye.

That was the thing about Halloween Town - although it isn't an irregular occurrence for creatures and spirits to become enamored with one another, it isn't their purpose. Everyone understands how to scare and express loyalty to Halloween - but love is an entirely different thing. Many would argue it was an experience only truly held by mortals and humans.

However, as the Mayor watches Jack closely for the rest of their time...he notices the differences. The smile on his lips that remains there even through the toughest of work - the endless inspiration that strikes him every time after he talks about Sally. How quickly he leaves the Town Hall to return home - coming into work the next day, ready to start the process all over again as if he's been refreshed in some way.

It's then he's beginning to understand.

----

Things begin to settle down in Halloween Town's shopping plaza. Lunch time just passed, and somewhere in the next couple of hours, most vendors will take small breaks to wait out the time until the sun sets. This includes the witches, Helgamine and Zeldaborne, who decide to temporarily close up shop while they talk by the town fountain. Most of their 'talks' nowadays consist of only one thing. Ever since they had that unfortunate confrontation from the Pumpkin King himself, they've been left feeling confused, heartbroken, and most of all, bothered.

"'A Pumpkin Queen'...." Zeldaborne mutters to herself.

Helgamine crosses her thin arms as she sits next to her sister, folding a leg over the other and holding her nose high in the air.

"-I don't even think it'll happen. Jack may be with her now, but it'll take a lot more than that for him to settle down." She turns her head at her sister's silence and crooks an eyebrow. "Do you?"

The shorter witch hangs her head low. "He sounded like he meant it. And he was so upset when he came to us. What if he really does love her that much?"

The thought makes the tall witch shudder. Countless years of being one of Jack Skellington's admirers - thrown away to a woman who was barely made. Helgamine and her sister are upset. How can they not be? But they have to remember his wishes - and did exactly as he had asked.

The day after he spoke to them, they felt guilty over the whole ordeal. They talked with the fellow women of their circle and attempted to explain how Jack was furious over the way they were speaking about Sally. It was a long discussion filled with heartbreak and tears - but they all ended in a unanimous agreement to respect what hey had. If not, to at least act polite. At the expense of their King finally being happy.

It doesn't mean they aren't still sour about it at times. Zeldaborne often mopes about it. She cried the most while they struggled to accept it. Helgamine, on the other hand, seethes quietly on the inside. She often debates on doing something unpleasant to Sally. But then she has to talk herself out of it, realizing Jack would just be utterly enraged. And that is the last thing she, or anyone else for that matter, wants.

"...Maybe....maybe he does..." Helgamine confesses quietly.

They both sit there listening to the water. It takes a long time before either of them speak. It's Zeldaborne, who fidgets with the end of her broomstick.

"We disappointed him. He never sounded so upset with us before."

Helgamine adds, "-He even threatened to kick us from this year's Halloween..."

"I don't want to hear him that mad again..."

They look at each other and frown. How ugly they had acted towards her - and it nearly costed them their good terms with Jack. How could they have been so blindsided by jealousy and possessiveness over someone who wasn't theirs to begin with? Their guilt overshadows whatever envy they have left, and sit there in contemplative silence as they wait for time to pass.

. . .

 "Hey there, Sally!" "How are you doing today?" "Hi, Sally!" "Miss Sally! You look awful today!"

Sally Finklestein smiles modestly and waves at all of the monsters she passes by. She is heading into town to pick up a few things, but she doesn't expect to have such warm greetings sent her way. She carries her basket in her hands as she continues on. She wants to make this as fast as possible so she can return home in time to catch Jack before it gets too late.

Just when she is about to approach the small stand she wishes to buy from, a couple of voices startle her.

 "Sally!"

The ragdoll jumps in surprise before turning on her heel. She finds the witches, Helgamine and Zeldaborne, approaching her. She momentarily feels a little afraid after what happened last time, and instinctively clutches onto her basket tighter. She freezes in place the moment they get closer, but then she notices the smiles on their faces. They're currently waving at her.

"We didn't expect to see you out." Helgamine begins, clutching her hands behind her back. "How...how are you doing?"

The kindness in her voice sounds forced and uncomfortable. But the smile at least seems genuine. She bows her head slightly. "Oh, well, I'm doing fine. I was going to buy a few things-"

"How horrendous! You picked the right time of day to come." Zeldaborne awkwardly cuts her off. The three of them are silent afterwards.

Sally feels a little guilty, remembering she was supposed to see them sooner. She wanted to come by their shop and ask for an apology, and see if they could become friends. She must've forgotten about it with how busy she became with other things - what with talking to the Doctor and Jewel, and working on all the new dresses she's making. She completely forgot about them over time.

They look at each other before bringing their gaze to the doll. "Say, would you like to...stop by our shop? And have a little chat?" Helgamine offers. "We have a few things we'd like to say to you..."

"Oh." She blinks a few times. She wants to leave quickly, but this shouldn't take long. "Sure."

The Witches look relieved at her answer and guide her back to their place. She feels a tad bit uncomfortable feeling their hands on her back, but she appreciates the kindness they're displaying. They soon lead her into Witches' Goods and to the back of the store. They pull up a few chairs and politely offer her a seat across the counter. She accepts. They sit there awkwardly at first. Eventually, the silence is broken by Zeldaborne. She looks down and sighs deeply, having a hard time making eye contact.

"We know we were, eh, cruel to you the last time we saw you..."

Helgamine mimics her sister's behavior. She adds, "We're sorry it took us this long to tell you but...well, we just haven't seen you around and all. We want to-" She audibly sucks at her teeth. "-Apologize. For saying those ugly things to you and pushing you, and all that."

Her eyes widen in surprise. She hadn't expected to receive an apology so soon. The mournful looks on their faces convince her that they're sincere about it. It is in Sally's nature to be kind and share some sort of understanding with others. The Witches are just jealous women who obsessed over Jack for so long. It must have been a difficult time when she came and won over his heart so soon. She can at least understand that.

Still. When they took out their frustrations on her, it gave her bad memories with the Doctor...which, she is able to shrug off now. He was willing to change, and from what she sees, the Witches are, too.

"It's alright." She soon tells them. "You two were just jealous. And I can see why." Her courage drops down as she gazes into her lap. "I didn't mean to take Jack away from you. Or to do anything at all, really. We just shared something special. And with how much time we spent together, it turned into something more very quickly..."

Hearing this doesn't help the situation. The Witches feel like they're burning in their seats. They have to calm each other by sharing a sympathetic look. They're here to apologize to her like Jack asked them to. It doesn't mean they should like any part of this - but that's the result of being polite. Acting nice even when you really don't want to.

"Of course, of course! We understand." Helgamine says through gritted teeth.

"And we're very happy for you both," Her sister adds, also through her teeth.

The ragdoll looks up and smiles, clasping her hands. "Thank you! I can't tell you how relieving it is to hear. I was so worried about how you'd take the news...I thought you hated me from the last time we spoke."

"-Hate you? No! Why should we?" The tall woman looks at her like she's crazy.

"I just thought....in your perspective, since I'm not scary or rich like he is....that I don't deserve him. And that you'd feel awful about me for having him, anyway."

Truly, she hit the nail on the coffin. But they aren't going to tell her that. They can't build up any energy to convince her otherwise, so instead, they shake their heads and act like this is the most ridiculous thing they've ever heard, even though they said similar things before. Her ruby lips smile again in relief.

Zeldaborne pokes at her warts before speaking again, hesitantly. "By the way, when you asked us if we had any sewing supplies...we were honest with you. We don't. But we do know about the old seamstress that was around here once."

"She was quite a frightening lady! Very talented, she was." The other sister chimes in. "We talked a lot with her before she had to leave town."

"Why did she leave?" Sally leans forward curiously. The Witches look uncomfortable at this question.

"No one likes to speak of it. It's not an unpleasant reason as it is." Helgamine looks uncertain to tell her, so Zeldaborne cuts in. Even she looks disturbed having to explain.

"She, eh, ate children and kept their souls. To survive. None of us knew about it at first, which was why she was kept here as it is, but...when Jack found out, he was very upset, you see. She had been his personal tailor for so many years!"

"But being in Halloween Town has its rules. We all agree not to be mean and scare only with frightening intentions. Not to harm, or actually kill, anyone...."

The ragdoll isn't sure how to feel. This news makes her stomach twist unpleasantly. Jack only mentioned this woman moving away....maybe he was just sparing her from the gruesome details. She almost regrets asking in the first place.

"That sounds awful..."

"It was. Jack has little patience for these things - she was banished right away. Haven't seen her since." Helgamine suddenly tsks. "I just hope she's leaving the children alone. We love to cast spells on the little tricksters - can't exactly do that with people like her eating them all!"

"Anyway-" Zeldaborne side glances at her. "I only mention it because her old place might still has some supplies you can use, if you're unlucky.  That is, if Jack hasn't spoiled you with enough, already."

The image of her grand room and sewing machine with a new desk comes into mind. She feels a little guilty and rubs her arm with a frown. Quietly, she asks, "Where is this place?"

"It's not here - on the other hill, where all of our homes are." Sally understands she means the residential area. "If you take a right at the library, it'll be down the street. When you see an abandoned building - wood probably long rotten by now - that'll be it."

"Abandoned? How come I've never seen it before?"

"You didn't get out a lot, I know that!" Helgamine laughs. "It's out of the way. No one likes to go near it - it reminds us of her, and we'd rather not remember that. Not with the little lumplings everywhere now."

"I see..."

"You should go on by and check it. It's not haunted; the ghosts have no need! They've got their pumpkins back in the Graveyard for that sort of thing."

While the conversation has certainly turned darker, it also feels like the mood has been lightened. The Witches don't look like they're harboring any negative feelings about her anymore. It feels refreshing to have a normal conversation with them again. One that wasn't obsessing over Jack or humiliating her. Oddly, the Witches seem nice. Informative. She hopes they can be friends so she can learn more from them.

"Thank you. I appreciate you inviting me in here, and I accept your apology. I'll be sure to visit that place sometime."

She gets up from her chair and, surprisingly, the sisters look almost disappointed that she's leaving. They stand from their seats and come to her side. They even help her with her basket as she leaves through the door, and stops her just before she's about to leave.

"Thank you for listening to us. You do seem like a nice girl...despite everything." Zeldaborne shares a hesitant look with the woman next to her.

"If you'd like, we can arrange something together sometime." Helgamine suggests slowly. "We have some ghoulfriends of ours we can introduce you to."

The ragdoll pauses before smiling. Being invited to such a thing takes her completely by surprise. It makes her feel even better about the whole situation.

"That sounds lovely. We can do that sometime. I'll let you know when I am free."

The two look almost happy that she accepted! They bid their goodbyes and allow Sally to continue on her way. She finishes her business in the market and leaves just as the sun is setting. Her smile wavers a little as she finds the sky now a mixture of orange and red. Her talk with those Witches took just a little longer than she anticipated...

----

When she is only a couple of minutes away from the Manor, Sally takes a seat on a nearby bench and sets her basket down. There's a lot on her mind that she wants to get sorted out before she sees Jack. Particularly, she wants to think of the questions she'll ask him about this old seamstress and her abandoned shop...Should she go alone, or ask him to come with? It's pretty trivial, and she doesn't want to bother him to go. Plus, she's perfectly capable of doing these things by herself! She just isn't sure if she'll need a key to get there, or if she even should. It's her only chance at getting more sewing supplies...but the situation bothers her, knowing what might've taken place in those walls....

She begins to bite at her lip and rests her head in her hand. Her mind is troubled thinking of this old seamstress. Is it something she should even talk about with Jack? Judging by what she's heard, it must've hard for him to banish his old tailor. She wouldn't want to bring any bad memories-

 "Meow!"

She jumps a few inches in the air as a sudden noise startles her. She whips her head around to find a small black cat approaching the bench. Sally relaxes and sits forward to greet the creature. The feline comes forward and nestles its head under her hand, leading it along its body as it walks between the her legs. As her fingers caress the rough hair, her mind turns blank as she focuses on the cat.

"It's you again." She says softly.

When she was locked in Finklestein's tower, sometimes she would find a cat in the alleys perched on the walls. During the long nights where she hopefully stared at Jack's study, the cat would be around below, mewing and watching her window. She eventually came into contact with the creature after she began sneaking out to meet with Jack. It took a little time, but it grew used to Sally, and even allowed her to pet it in her lap.

She remembers growing particularly curious with the animal just after she met Zero. At the time, it was new for her to interact with any animal. But now that she's been around a ghostly dog for awhile, she's grown other curiosities. What would it be like to own a pet of her own like Jack did? To have a small companion by your side; a creature to help calm you in times of stress...

The cat looks at her before jumping into her lap. She takes this time to continue petting it as her thoughts wander. She can hear it slightly purring from the contact. She giggles as it licks her finger. She's always loved Zero, but she's grown a little fond of this cat and almost forgot about it with how much has been going on. It must've gotten confused not seeing her around the tower anymore.

The animal quickly decides it's done and jumps off of her, scurrying off into the shadows. Sally frowns a little as she watches it leave. She soon collects her things and continues on her way home. When she approaches the Skellington Manor, she finds the windows lit and accompanied with noises coming from inside.

----

Sally Finklestein climbs the stairs to the Manor with a little guilt. She had been hoping to be home before him, but time dwindled, as it usually did. She opens the doors and feels the warmth from inside engulf her cold figure. She sighs in relief as she steps inside and sets her basket down by the door. Before she can get a good look at what's going on, she is suddenly scooped into the thin arms of Jack Skellington. She finds herself in a warm embrace and relaxes against the chest in front of her. All of her thoughts from the day vanish the longer she is lovingly held.

"Welcome home." He greets. She shivers at his voice and holds his arms.

"Thank you...I'm home."

He lets go of her and stands back with a toothy smile. She brushes her hair behind her shoulder as she modestly reaches for her basket. Jack takes a curious look at it and she shows him what's inside without hesitation - some groceries, and a few extra ingredients she gathered from the stands in the plaza. He smiles again and leans down to kiss her forehead.

"Took a trip into the market?" He asks.

She nods and covers the basket again. "I don't know how often you get groceries, but I went ahead and gathered some. If you want, I can start making dinner right now-"

"-No need! I started cooking the moment I got back." He takes the basket from her hands and leads them into the kitchen. "I'm preparing a small roast for the two of us. I thought it'd be a nice change of pace with you coming home to a warm meal."

She watches wordlessly as he puts away the food. Her black eyes travel to the rest of the kitchen, finding used bowls and ingredients messily laying about. The oven is nearly finished cooking the roast, and she can smell a delicious scent in the air. She bows her head when she finds her mouth watering.

"It is nice to come to this," She tells him. "I can't wait to try it."

"That's exactly what I want to hear!"

When the groceries are put away, he gives her the basket and she thanks him. She returns it to her room, where she stars to relax for the evening. She kicks off her shoes and spends a few minutes thoughtfully sitting on her bed. The seamstress is still on her mind, as are the Witches and the alley cat...that is, until the skeleton informs her that their supper is ready. She meets him at the dining table, where their servings are respectfully waiting for them. She takes a seat across from Jack and thanks him for the food before even tasting it. When she takes the first bite, she feels like she's tasting heaven.

"So delicious...You need to give me this recipe!"

He chuckles. "I have all the cookbooks you can imagine, Sal."

She eagerly looks up from her plate. "May I read some? I'd love to make new dishes."

"Of course! I have quite a big library here - I showed you it the first day, didn't I? My cookbooks are all organized in their own section. I have so many; I don't think I've read them all!"

She vividly remembers his giant collection of books he showed her during his small tour of their home. She was excited at such a sight - all of the novels and stories he had, stacked together on endless shelves...Even though he provided Sally with her own collection of romance novels right in her room, she found herself curious with other books, like cooking recipes. The only downside is - his library is in his study, which is on the third floor. It discourages her from climbing the three sets of stairs to get to it. But for something like this - she'd have to make an exception!

"How did work go?" She asks him curiously, wanting to make conversation. He looks up in surprise before wiping his mouth and clearing his throat.

"It went splendid. Like any other work day, really." The memory of him gushing about Sally to the Mayor comes to his mind, and he shrinks into his shoulders in embarrassment. "How-how about yours..?"

"Mine? It went well." She plays with her food in thought. "It was interesting."

"Interesting? Do elaborate."

He leans forward in interest, resting his jaw on his knuckles. Her cheeks grow a little red at his eagerness. "The Witches talked to me today. They said they were sorry for how they acted, and we talked a little bit."

"That's wonderful! I was hoping they would come around. They did treat you with upmost respect, didn't they?"

"Oh, they did. I almost feel like they were being too nice." She laughs slightly. "But they told me they knew where I could get the sewing supplies I wanted. What I asked them for in the first place."

"Where did they say?"

She pauses, wondering if this is appropriate to bring up. She boldly continues. "-Well, they finally explained to me why the old seamstress left...and a little bit about her. They said her old store is where I might find some fabrics and supplies that I need."

Jack is quiet for a moment. She looks up in surprise after hearing nothing and finds him deeply in thought. He finally looks up and catches her stare, then rubs the back of his skull in shame.

"I'm sorry - it's just been awhile since anyone has talked about her..."

"Apparently, no one really likes to talk about it here..." Her eyes droop. "You told me she moved away, but now that I know what happened...I can't blame you for banishing her."

He's silent again. She looks at him once more. His gaze is fixated on his plate with narrowed eye sockets. He grabs for his glass of water and brings it to his lips. Without even looking at Sally, he replies in a dark tone, "-We have strict rules here that some tend to neglect..."

She doesn't say anything. She isn't sure what to say, after hearing his tone. He sets down his glass and looks at her again - this time, with a smile.

"I was looking out for my people. There were innocent children getting harmed with her around! As much as she was needed around here, I prioritized the safety of my citizens over her." He looks down and shrugs, his lips falling into a frown. "Even though we lack a seamstress now, I at least feel more comfortable without her around..."

Something sounds hesitant about that last sentence. She doesn't think much of it. She drops her fork and gives him an endearing look. "You're a good King, Jack."

He looks up and finds her smile. It's contagious like it always is.

"I just wish I had found out about it sooner. Before children had died under my watch." He crosses his arms and drums his phalanges on his arm. "It's not easy doing these things..."

"I understand why you didn't tell me. It wasn't a very good story." She desperately gets to the point. "-Which was why I was considering taking the Witches' advice and visiting that old store...it's abandoned, from what they told me."

"Truthfully, the Mayor and I forget about it some years. We've wanted to turn it into something for many years now, rather than having it sitting there and rot, but...we couldn't think of anything good enough to replace an old sewing shop."

It's at this moment Sally starts to feel strange. Her phantom heart begins to race as her fingers tingle. An idea surfaces in her mind - but one she is not bold enough to say. Instead, she perks up in her chair and taps the side of her glass in thought.

"I can at least go down there and help clean things out, in case you do think of something to do with it..."

The skeleton looks at her and notices the hint of her tone. He hums thoughtfully before taking another bite of his dinner. It's a good point he and the Mayor should discuss soon - what on Halloween's name to do with the abandoned sewing shop...? His eye sockets glance back to Sally, who finishes her serving quietly. Something clicks in his head right away.

"I don't mind if you go and check it out. It should be safe - but even then, it never hurts to be wary." He fishes for something in his pocket and pulls out a key. He leans forward and places it down in front of his girlfriend. "Use this skeleton key on the door if it's locked. Should bring you right inside."

Her eyes light up as she takes it. "Really? I can...go there?"

"Why wouldn't you?" He looks at her incredulously. "You're free to do as you wish. It'll be fantastic if you find exactly what you're looking for."

She grins in excitement as she twirls the key in her hand. Her eyes drop down to the table in thought. "Maybe I can ask the Hanging Tree with me when I go...? He knows more than me when it comes to this stuff."

"What a good idea! Hopefully, the two of you can find something worthwhile there. I don't believe she had that much time to clean up, anyway."

Her phantom heart continues to race in euphoria. So she really can check this out! For a moment, she thought Jack would stop her and insist such a thing was unnecessary...but she was foolish for thinking he'd discourage her interests in any way. She clutches the skeleton key close to her before sliding it in her dress pocket. The figure across the table watches her intently.

"All I ask, Sally, is that you be very careful once you're there. No one has stepped foot in that place for years. And while she may not live there anymore, sometimes the spirit of dishonest creatures lingers in old places. They may not mean well at times."

"I'll be fine. I'm not going to be alone, if things go right." She assures him. "Thank you for worrying about me."

Something unpleasant brews in his rib cage. Something about this doesn't feel quite right - but what does he have to worry, with how careful Sally is? All he can hope is that she doesn't stumble across anything unpleasant. He nods at her and she makes a delighted noise. She goes to finish her dinner, and Jack watches her quietly before slowly eating at his.

 Everything should be alright..who is he kidding?

[cirrius-akiyo]

50* + buddie sorry but if you want to write both that is okay with me hehe

Read in AO3

@buckleysjareau , I couldn't help myself but to do both 49 and 50 from the Fluff/Angst Prompts List

I hope you'll enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it.

Thank you for the prompts. 🤗🤩

The moment Eddie agreed to throw himself into the underground fighting scene, he never thought in a million years he would get addicted to the adrenaline roaring through his vein with every punch that followed. Eddie thought he would be able to quit anytime he wanted to, because he was still in control, he needed to be in control. He woke up every morning convincing himself that those days would be his last in the scene, that he would stop when he could, that he would not let himself astray more than it was, but every triumph and money stacks he received at the end of his wins made it harder and harder to quit.

Of course, things got out of hand because the next thing he knew, his opponent was not breathing and Eddie knew without intervention, the man was as good as dead. Calling for an ambulance to the scene was a risky move, but deep inside he knew he is a firefighter first, and so he braced himself for the consequences as he dialed the 9-1-1. Consequences that include exposing himself open in front of Bobby, confronting the ghost of his stewed anger towards Shannon and towards himself. Consequences that had forced him to talk with Frank, leaving out all of his skeletons and miles long disappointments for a stranger to see.

Now, the consequences of his bad decision had come back to taunt him yet again, forcing him to wait once more at the wrong side of the hospital room.

Moving Christopher’s weight from one side to the other, Eddie wipes away the stray tear stains painted on his son’s face who has his head cradled at the crook of Eddie’s shoulder, still sobbing silently. The hushed sobs compel Eddie to stifle his own as he inspects the gauze on Chris’ left elbow, examining his own aching knuckles.

Eddie’s focus shifted from their minor injuries as he looks up at the direction the clicking sound of booted footsteps belongs to none other than Sergeant Athena Grant, who is walking towards them with urgency and purpose.

“How is he doing?” Athena queries as she takes a sit beside Eddie, her back stiffs against the hard chair, staying alert with any impending news.

Eddie purses his lips and spats bitterly in a hushed whisper, “Are you asking about Chris or Buck?” Because right now, both of them are far from being okay by Eddie’s definition. Hell, he himself is far from okay at the moment, so excuse him for struggling to contain his emotion.

But credit to Athena, she does not sway a bit with his little outburst and simply clarifies, “both.”

“Sorry.” Eddie exhales roughly, wiping his face with his free hand.

Athena smiles empathetically. “Don’t be. We are all strung out with the news. I have talked with Maddie and Bobby. She will be here soon. The rest of the team will come once their shift is over.”

Eddie nods, grateful for her help because the thought of calling Maddie or the team totally skipped his mind with his sole focus fixed on his family and their safety. “Chris got some bruise on his elbow when he skinned himself falling down. Other than that, he’s quite shaken up. Buck on the other hand,” Eddie paused, pushing the queasy feeling down before continues, “he was barely responsive when they brought him in. The doctor said something about possible concussion and broken ribs.” Eddie breaks his eye contact with Athena, not wanting her to see his brimming tears.

“How about you, Eddie?”

“What about me?” Eddie retorts defensively, pulling Christopher tighter into his embrace, as if he is ready to pick up the boy and run away, away from this mess and nightmare.

“As far as I’m concern, you’re a victim too in this attack. So, tell me, how are you doing?” She repeats herself, demanding for a no-bullshit answer.

“I’m fine. Buck took the brunt of it.” That is definitely a ‘bullshit’ answer.

Athena arches an eyebrow, giving Eddie a skeptical look but does not pries further on the subject.

Instead, she proceeds with her business with, “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

There it is, the million-dollar question Eddie has been dreading the moment he saw Athena walked down the corridor. Because to answer her questions, Eddie needs to relive the hellish moment again, visiting his past mistake and he is not sure if he has the gut to do it.

“Can we please do this after Tia Pepa picks up Christopher?” Eddie tries to compromise, ignoring how broken his voice sounds, because he really doesn’t want to subject Chris through the torment again.

Athena nods in understanding. “Sure. I’ll wait right here with you, or do you want to be alone?” She asks as she changes her posture, preparing to leave if Eddie wanted her to.

“No, stay please. I don’t want to be alone.” Eddie pleads, not sure what comes over him as the words leave his mouth.

“Sure, honey.” Athena relaxes in her seat, but her keeping her guarding stance.  

 

///

 

“Are you ready, Eddie?” Athena starts, pulling out her notepad and pen.

Eddie nods, not trusting his words now because he would never be ready. All his life, he never would imagine himself being a victim, having caring countless victims in his few years of service, but today’s incident has changed the narrative.

“Do you recognize who hurt you? Hurt Chris and Buck?”

“Yeah. He uh… I uh… fought him once… during the street fighting, and uh, he lost quite a big sum that day.” Eddie grits his teeth, nausea building up behind his throat as he remembered the thrills he felt when he received the winning stacks, the elated face of Christopher when he bought him the latest Lego set using the bloody money. 

“Do you have a name?” Athena proceeds stoically, not a bit fazed by Eddie’s dirty little secret.

“Jake…um, Jake Woodson? I think so, yeah.”

“How about you tell me what went down from the beginning.”

Eddie shuts his eyes, trying to recall the mirage of the daunting memories. He could feel his palm getting sweaty under the visible stress. He really doesn’t want to do this, but the son of a bitch needs to pay for hurting his family, and so Eddie perseveres.

“We were at the park. The one near the firehouse.”

*

“It’s getting dark. You think it’s time to go home yet?” Buck asked as he shoved his hands into the pocket of his brown jacket.

“Yeah. I think we burn enough of Chris’ energy for today. I’m tucking him tonight.” Eddie smiled cheekily at the prospect of Chris easily falling asleep.

Buck pouted. “You always tucked him in when he already burned out. It’s not fair,” the man half grumbled.

Eddie chuckled heartily, grabbing Buck’s elbow as they strutted towards Chris who was still immersed feeding the ducks. “But you love it.”

“I do, but we are stopping by the McDonald’s afterwards.” Buck flashed him an evil grin.

“No, we aren’t.” Eddie chastised.

“Hey Chris! How does a McFlurry sounds?” The shouts caught Chris’s attention right away and he beamed at the promise of dessert.

“You vile, vile man.”

“You love me.”

“I know I do.”

*

“We were walking back to our truck when he approached.” Eddie continues.

“Jake Woodson?”

Eddie grimaced at the name, but nods in confirmation.

“So, what happened then?” Athena prods as she tries to paint a clearer picture of the incident.

“We were completely blindsided. I was about to help Chris into his seat when suddenly this man shoved me to the ground, bringing Chris down with me. That’s how Chris…” Eddie gestures to his left elbow, hoping Athena would comprehend.

*

“Hey! Get away from my family!” Buck growled before pushing the man away from Eddie and Chris who were still stunned on the ground.

The man, who Eddie swears got bigger from the last time Eddie saw him, sneered at Buck and before Eddie could warned his husband, Jake grabbed Buck’s head and smashed it hard to the side of their truck, painting the metal red.

Eddie screamed as Buck collapsed in a heap, his face scrunched in a mixture of daze and pain as blood sluggishly trickled down his temple.

*

Eddie lets out a harsh sigh, looking down at the tear drops staining his jeans.

“Do you want to take a break?” Athena places her hand on the sobbing man’s shoulder.

Eddie shakes his head. He wants to get this done and over with.

“I want to help Buck, but Christopher was crying behind me. I couldn’t simply leave him alone. What if Jake attacked him?” Eddie sheds angrily at the tears that doesn’t seem to be stopping.

The torn feelings he had felt at that time was agonizing.

“So, I…I pushed Chris to hide behind the truck…oh God! I should help Buck faster! I should...I should…,” Eddie breaths bleakly at the thought as he shuts his eyes close, trying to replay the moment where he could do better.

Athena immediately kneels in front of Eddie, trying to calm down the man who is now borderline hyperventilating. “Eddie, Eddie! Listen to me. Listen. What you did was right. Buck would want you to put Christopher’s safety first.”

Eddie inhales, feeling his breaths stutter in his chest.

“You have to breath. Calm down now, Eddie. What you’ve been through is traumatic, but you have to breath.”

Eddie tries his darndest best to hold himself together.

“That’s right. Keep breathing, Eddie.”

“Okay. Okay.” Eddie chokes back the sobs.

“Are you good to continue?” Athena eyes him.

Eddie nods feebly as he levels down his breathing pace.

“When I got to them, Jake was kicking Buck in the chest.” Eddie swallows hard, recalling how Buck tried to cover his head and chest in a losing fight. “I threw some punches but he won’t relent. Keep snarking about how I should lose everything too like he did.”

“Do you know what that means?” Athena asks further as she jots down Eddie’s statements.

Eddie shrugged, completely clueless. “I don’t know. I just know that I won big that day. I haven’t fight him again afterwards.” He hangs his head low as shame and guilt slithers up his spine.

Eddie is pulled out of his self-loathing when he heard a female doctor asks, “family of Evan Buckley-Diaz?”

Both of them stand up in record time, meeting the doctor halfway who is smiling softly, but Eddie does not dare to let his heart hope, not until he could see Buck is alive and well for himself. Because the last time Eddie saw Buck, the love of his life was half-conscious with blood covering most of his face.

“I’m his husband. Is he okay?” In any other circumstances, Eddie is always proud to tell anybody who is asking that Buck is in fact his husband, but never like this. Not in this sterile hospital corridor surrounded by death and diseases.

“Your husband is going to be just fine.” She starts off with assuring note before continues, “he sustained a nasty concussion and two broken ribs, but he is very lucky there is no internal bleeding, neither in the head nor chest, just some major bruising. Head wound tends to bleed a lot, a fact that I’m sure both of you are familiar with.”

“Can I see him?” His voice timid. The smile that never leaves the young doctor’s face did little to nothing in comforting his racing heart.

“Of course, but he is asleep now. He will be disoriented and most likely in pain when he wakes up later, but other than that, he should recover just fine with plenty of rest.” The doctor finishes off cheerily.

Eddie lets out a breath he didn’t realize he’s holding. Buck is fine. He is fine. Buck is alive. The mantra resonates throughout his body, vibrating at a wild pace throughout each cell.

But he is pulled out of his stupor when Athena pats his back. “I knew his thick skull would come in handy sometimes.” She chuckles wetly, and Eddie swears he saw the Great Athena Grant sheds a tear.

 

///

 

It was almost midnight when Buck stirs groggily, whining unhappily at the assault of pain his body is experiencing.

Eddie approaches his husband almost immediately, calming the struggling man in a hush manner. “Easy Buck.”

At the mention of his name, Buck looks up hazily towards the caramel-brown eyes that hold his world. “Y‘kay? C’ris?” He slurred, flinching as he tries to swallow.

Eddie lets out a wet laugh at Buck’s question as he fetches the water and guiding his husband for small sips.

“We are both okay. Some bruises, but you’re the one who manages to land on this beautifully crafted hospital bed.” Buck doesn’t seem to miss the broken notes in the man’s jesting laugh, but he chooses to let it slides as he turns his head around the room, noting the absence of their son.

Seeing the confusion on Buck’s face as he starts to thrash around, Eddie know exactly who is Buck looking for. “Chris is at Abuela’s. He’s fine.” Eddie emphasis on the word ‘fine’, just so Buck would calm down in his bed.

Yet Buck gives him an unimpressed look, sensing some omission of facts through Eddie’s cracked voice.

Eddie sighs dejectedly. All the time they have spent together, obviously Buck could easily read through his lies even in his groggy state.

“Just some bruises when he fell, I promise.” Eddie confessed. “But you on the other hand…” Eddie tries to find the right word that won’t hurt so much, but suddenly his eyes starts to dampen again.

This time, in the private company of his lover and away from judging eyes, Eddie couldn’t help himself but to cry.

“I almost lost you so many times before, but nothing compares of almost losing you because of my own stupid mistake. I am so sorry, Buck. I swear I never thought it would come down to this.”

“Eddie, I’ll do it all over again just so you and Chris will be safe.” Buck’s voice is definitely stronger and Eddie wonders where does Buck pulls the strength from, because right now Eddie is feeling weak on his knees himself and if he had not been sitting, he would definitely collapse. As his tears fall free, Buck seems to be more alert than before and Eddie couldn’t help but to feel ashamed his outburst has ripped Buck from his well-deserving rest.

“Do you think I’m broken? Because you’re the one on the hospital bed, but here I am struggling to contain myself when I should be the strong one.” Eddie hangs his head low as more broken sobs escapes him.

“Eddie, look at me.” Buck cups Eddie’s chin with his right hand, wary of the IV lines as he pulls his lover’s face towards him. “Eddie, nothing is wrong with you. Struggling is what we do best, and people like you and me struggle because we care, we’re not giving up and we’re trying to stay afloat. Am I wrong?”

Eddie tries to look away, but Buck's face and arched eyebrow say that he demands a response. 

“No, you’re not. You’re right.” Eddie lets out a small smile at Buck’s words of affirmation.

“Heck yeah, I’m right. I choose to marry you and I’ve chosen to stay with you throughout your struggles.” Buck plops down on the pillow. “But for now, I’m struggling to stay awake. Get in here with me?” Buck scoots over and pulls his blanket to make space for his husband, careful of the lines  and wires hanging around him.

“I’m sure it will be a tight squeeze.” Eddie shakes his head affectionately at Buck’s proposal, not that he would fight it much if Buck insists.  

“Please. I sleep easier with you close to me.” And there is the puppy eyes attack and Eddie finally relents as he climbs onto the bed gingerly, trying not to jostle Buck’s ribs much.

“Athena was here. She said your thick skull is what saved you.” Eddie whispers against Buck’s shoulder, basking in the warmth that seeps through the thin hospital gowns.

Buck only smiles at the remarks, already half asleep.

Eddie knows he should update their family soon, but that is for future him to handle, because right now, he just wants this moment to be just for the two of them.

“I love you and all your struggles too.” One last confession before both of them paddles through their dreamland.

[ilovejevsjeans]

How another Aussie champion helped Ricciardo recover from horror start with Renault

As beginnings go, it was less than auspicious. Mere seconds into the first race of his high-profile Formula One move to Renault, Daniel Ricciardo's 2019 Australian Grand Prix disintegrated into a shower of broken carbon fibre, the front wing of his car smashed to smithereens after he ran off the side of the Albert Park circuit and clipped a trackside ditch.

Things didn't get a lot better in the early races of 2019 for Ricciardo who, so accustomed to fighting at the front with his former team, had to sate his hunger with occasional crumbs dropped by the Mercedes, Ferrari and Red Bull outfits that annexed the available podium places. Top-10 qualifying efforts were rare, decent race finishes largely out of reach. He couldn't recapture the feeling on the brakes in his new Renault that had made audacious, last-gasp passes his trademark at Red Bull, and he knew he was over-driving to make up for the performance of his car and his own frustrations, determination to fix one mistake inevitably leading only to another.

Ricciardo's signature smile was still there, but those who know him best could see the grin's wattage was dimmed. Ricciardo knew something needed to change – and another high-profile Australian athlete unexpectedly provided the impetus.

"It was April last year, the season hadn't been going all that well for me, and I was spending some time with [Australian snowboarder] Scotty James," Ricciardo tells The Age.

"Scotty's a good friend. He writes a daily journal, and he was telling me about how much it helped him focus on his goals, what he wanted to achieve, and how regularly writing things down for yourself forces you to be honest and accountable.

"I started one myself to see if it would make a difference, and it definitely has. I'm being honest with myself and it's for my thoughts and my eyes only, and it's something I look back on. It could be something as simple as 'how did I feel today?', 'how did I feel how I felt about that race?' and so on, and then going back and trying to understand why.

"It's just me and my thoughts, and it has definitely given me some clarity. I never sit down with a plan of what to write, but in the writing process you answer questions you may have about something, and that's really useful for me."

Ricciardo's season eventually recovered to some degree from its stuttering start, and while ninth place in the championship didn't get his pulse racing after a pair of top-three finishes with Red Bull in 2014 and 2016, he comprehensively out-performed the driver in the sister Renault, German Nico Hulkenberg, and achieved the team's best result with a storming drive to fourth in Italy in September.

A strong finish to the year gave the 30-year-old reason to be optimistic about the 2020 campaign set to start in Melbourne next weekend, but it's a season he realises comes with questions he can, so far, only take an educated guess at answering.

Ricciardo's knowns for 2020 are few, yet indisputable. One, he's in the second and final year of a deal with Renault that hasn't yet delivered on its considerable promise. And two, there's little chance the West Australian will see the view from any step of a Formula One podium given drivers from Mercedes, Red Bull and Ferrari have annexed the top three positions in all but six races over the past four years.

Can Renault show enough progress that he'd consider re-signing? Might Mercedes or Ferrari, both of whom have driver vacancies next year, remember Ricciardo's recent past in a race-winning team and come calling? And what of 2021, where a significant shake-up of F1's rulebook could completely change the sport's pecking order, as Ricciardo discovered the hard way the last time the regulations were rebooted seven years ago?

"This year definitely carries more weight than most," Ricciardo admits.

"The chaos that surrounded my move from Red Bull to Renault, I don't expect it to be anything like that. But there's a lot happening. I'm 30, so whatever I do, it's a case of 'how many more contracts will I sign?'

"The easiest decision would be that if my year is going well [at Renault], then I'd feel like we were only going to get better and I wouldn't even think about the what-ifs or maybes elsewhere. Even though next year is going to be a new car, I think if we were able to make some big gains this year with Renault, that would give me enough confidence that whatever happens in the future would be good, but you never know how these things will play out.

"I certainly see myself in the sport for at least five more years, but every year I'm one step closer to when my career might end. You're not thinking like a 20-year-old anymore."

While Renault's preference is to retain their combination of an established race-winner in Ricciardo and French youngster Esteban Ocon for the first season of F1's rule reset, chances to drive for Mercedes, the dominant team of the past six seasons, and Ferrari, still the sport's biggest name despite not winning a drivers' title since 2007, are rare.

When the lights go out at Albert Park, Charles Leclerc will be the only driver among the sport's two biggest teams to have a contract beyond this year, the 22-year-old Monegasque inking a deal with Ferrari until 2024.

Reigning world champion Lewis Hamilton's retention by Mercedes appears a formality, but the futures of 2019 Australian Grand Prix winner Valtteri Bottas (Mercedes) and four-time world champion Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari) are murkier, particularly with Ferrari banking its future on Leclerc with such a long-term investment.

Ricciardo openly expresses his admiration for what Mercedes, who won a record sixth consecutive constructors' championship last season, have achieved since the advent of the sport's V6 turbo hybrid engine era in 2014, which brought down the curtain on a reign of dominance by a Vettel-led Red Bull as Ricciardo joined the team that same season.

Mercedes debuted a revolutionary dual-axis steering (DAS) system at February's first pre-season test in Barcelona, a hydraulically powered innovation that allows their drivers to adjust the angle of the front wheels to gain lap time by pushing or pulling the steering wheel while the car is in motion.

Rival outfits were blindsided by the DAS concept when it was unveiled, Renault's sporting director Alan Permane commenting the team was "wide-eyed" about something Mercedes admitted they had been hatching in secret for a year, but Ricciardo says Mercedes' relentless pursuit of progress should be lauded.

"Hats off to them because they have been dominant this whole turbo era, yet they are still the ones pushing everyone else," he says.

"They're not getting complacent, and I think that's why they've been so dominant. They're setting an example right now and as a competitor, I certainly respect that."

Further clouding any picture Ricciardo paints of what 2021 may look like are rule changes that will make the grid that appears for next year's race in Melbourne almost unrecognisable from next Sunday's starting line-up. The next generation of cars will feature significantly different bodywork and low-profile tyres on larger, 18-inch wheels, while a cost cap, set at US$175 million ($A263 million) per team per annum, will halve the budgets of the sport's biggest spenders at the flip of a calendar, creating, in theory, a more level playing field.

The sweeping changes have the potential to make more of an impact than the implementation of the current iteration of rules in 2014, which propelled Mercedes from the midfield to a team that has won more than 80 per cent of grands prix since.

Pre-season testing threw up enough clues to suggest Mercedes, who never really showed their true pace in Barcelona, may just demolish the field again from Melbourne onwards. Should that happen, and with little carryover between this year's rules and next, expect their rivals to switch their focus to 2021 early.

Driver market intrigue, short of Leclerc and Max Verstappen, who is contracted to Red Bull until 2023, will be the narrative of the season, and Ricciardo will be in the middle of it.

[nomimits7]

Untouched

Title: Untouched

Pairing: OT7 X reader

Genre: college au thingy

Warnings: fluff? There’s some sexual tension, but only if you look really hard? cliff-hanger ending? I believe that’s it

Summary: You’ve had this feeling for at least a week now. The feeling that someone is watching you. There’s no mistaking it for a coincidence, it happens way too often for it to even be classified as such. You have this feeling, this cold, intense feeling of eyes set on your form, yet you chose to ignore it. You chose to shake it off as an illusion, a figment of your wild imagination. You chose to rather dwell on the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been stuck on for the past month. That same rollercoaster that would be your downfall…

A/N: Surprise!! So, as no one knows… It’s my birthday today ((4th of Feb)) and I actually reached over 200 followers!! So, I decided to write a very badfic as a celebration! Do enjoy!!!

•Δ•

The University of Imon is simply put, massive. It has been your home away from home for the past two years. Your decision to study abroad was something your parents didn’t quite approve of. Being the baby in the family, they wanted to keep you close to home. In other words, they did everything in their power to keep the last bird from fleeing the nest. Keywords being ‘did’ and ‘fleeing’.

You loved your parents and you would have loved to be with them as much as possible, but sometimes they could become a bit much. Clingy, to put it nicely. Your personal life is their daily news update and if you refused to offer some information, they assumed the worst. You got creative in blindsiding them to an extent, but even the best criminal minds have some trouble now and then.

It had been quite hard to explain how you had finally convinced them to let you go. In fact, you don’t even really know what you exactly did to convince them. They just randomly one day started to listen to your nagging. They became interested in your dreams of seeing the world before settling down and starting a family of your own. They suddenly made an effort to get you to Imon, your dream University that’s over twenty thousand kilometers away.

It wasn’t long until you figured out what they were up to. They wanted you gone to turn your bedroom into a ‘man cave’ of sorts. They had plans to let loose again and become their eighteen-year-old selves, and you were in the way, apparently. To be honest, that last bit kind of stung and it became a point that’s not up for discussion.

You haven’t seen them during this time of your life and its starting to get to you. A. k. a. the emotional rollercoaster. You started missing the small things. The way your mother would smile as your father would return from work, the way his tired eyes got new life as he saw the love of his life after hours of hard labour. The way she would get mad at you for stealing her hairbrush because you lost yours, again. The walks you would take with your friends. The river you use to go fishing with your father. See, small things… yet, you were still mad at them.

You don’t know if these feelings are just a pass time, or if there’s something more. You tried working through them, but it’s difficult if you have no one to do it with. It’s cliché you know but making friends as a foreigner is hard. So, you settled on acquaintances. You know their names, they know yours, end of the story.

It’s these uncontrollable, and unwelcome, emotions that made you become the quit student. The one that always wears her earphones when she walks to her next class. The one that studies too much, yet never achieves that distinction. The student no one sees or cares about. The daydreamer that loses herself in fantasies of her own thoughts.

Yes, this is you.

Y/N, the twenty-one-year-old foreign girl that always sits quietly in the back of the class with her nose in her books as the world goes by without sparing her a glance.

Okay, this sounds worse than it is. Yes, you are the quiet one, but you’re also an observer. You know most of the people you pass on campus. Okay maybe stating that you know them isn’t the right way of describing the situation. You know faces, and that how you characterize them to. You know them, yes but the chance of them knowing you are quite slim.

Like any other institution, there’s gangs or ‘houses’ everyone knows should be avoided. Again, being ‘the observer’ you are, you also know the reasons behind these unspoken rules. These ‘houses’ are what can be classified as ‘dangerous’, especially for girls. Too many times you had witnessed girls taking that walk of shame with an unnatural number of tears in their eyes. One of these houses is commonly known as ‘Between The Sheets’ or ‘Best aT Seduction’. The last one is a horrible name the boys on campus came up with, typical.

Yes, the name suggests that these individuals are worth your time, but it works in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, YOU have to be worth THEIR time. And if you think getting into bed with one of the members is difficult, try applying for a spot inside the circle. They almost never take in new people, and by people, you mean men, obviously.

Miraculously their youngest member joined only three years ago. He’s one year older than you, yet he looks like a fucking supermodel. They all do. You even suspect that’s one of the criteria boxes they won’t make exceptions for. Their common name might be ‘between the sheets’ but it’s their real name that kind of makes it obvious why they should be avoided at all costs.

‘Bewitching Tantalizing Salacity’

Keywords. Yes, keywords for what they actually do. These men were beyond dangerous, yet girls would do anything to get in their pants. This, however, did not apply to you. You simply wanted to avoid them at all costs, and you did until recently. Where you would usually never see them, they started appearing. The path you would usually take to your classes was a popular one. Something they would avoid at all costs. They liked keeping a low profile on campus.

But like everything in life, that also changed as of recently.

You first noticed Jungkook, the youngest, in the library. He never goes there. What was even weirder was that he was using one of the libraries computers instead of his laptop that was, surprisingly, right next to him.  The second member you noticed was Seokjin, the oldest. He was in your Medical faculty, working. You knew his knowledge of medicine was incredibly wide, but you never knew he actually had a degree in it.

The other members gradually made their appearance. Namjoon was in your favorite coffee shop you visit daily, drinking coffee. Hoseok was on his way to the parking lot as you made your way to your car to leave. This was weird because they had specially allocated parking. They don’t use the student parking lots, all this in an effort to keep a low profile.

Yoongi was seen talking to one of your classmates. A girl, obviously. He was wearing a lab coat, as if he was joining your practical you had scheduled that day, surprisingly he did. And of course, you saw Jimin and Taehyung walking down the same path you took daily.

When they would make eye contact with you, they would only smile and nod, as if greeting you. This first freaked you out. Seeing all seven of them in one week was bad enough and now they were acknowledging you? You must be going insane. So, you bravely decided to ignore them as best as possible. You barely made eye contact, keeping your head down and brushing past them. It took you a full week to ‘fake’ not seeing them. But after that, it became quite easy.

That’s when the feeling started. The feeling of eyes on you, staring. When you finally decided to ‘see’ them again, they weren’t there. But the feeling remained. It was unusual for you for two reasons. One, you were the unnoticed student. And two, there was no one there watching you when you would turn around.

So, you ignored it. Big mistake.

•Δ•

Ignoring it did nothing to make the feeling go away. In fact, it made it worse.

You were packing up your supplies after doing research in the library when that feeling resurfaced. But this time it wasn’t fleeting like always. Looking around, you saw a few students by the windows, studying. One or two students in between the many shelves of books. And two students at the computers. No one was watching you.

Looking around a final time you failed to notice the brown eyes watching you over one of the computer monitors. Those same eyes never left you as you finished gathering your supplies and headed to the exit. A smirk slowly formed on his lips as he hit speed dial on his phone.

“She’s leaving,” He said as he quickly exited the game he was playing while he was watching you. You had this habit of moving in a routine. This only made it easier for them to follow you, and it sure made it easy in planning their interception of you. Getting up, he casually made his way to the door. He had no rush, his brothers were waiting for his call.

“Right, phase two. She just left her usual spot in the library.”

The rest of the boys fell into step as they all headed to their respected locations. Today was the day that they would take what they wanted. You.

•Δ•

As you exited the library you quickly made your way over to the cafeteria area. This was one of those old habits of yours. Getting your daily shot of caffeine with a hint of peppermint, you made your way to the parking lots. Earphones in place you slowly strolled through the cars. You always managed to park in the same area, this made it easier for you to locate your car among the sea of vehicles.

You had a tendency to get lost. A fact known to no one other than those who cared to watch you. A fact they were sure to put to use.

Turning left into the correct section where your car usually stood, you once again felt eyes on you. Glancing around, you quickly came to the conclusion that you are, in fact, alone. And that you might be going insane. Wait, hold that thought… you are, indeed going insane.

“What the fuck? Where’s my car??” you said gazing at the, now empty, parking space.

This was bad, you could swear you parked here this, morning, or was it somewhere else? You frantically looked around for any sign of your beloved car to no avail.

“You seem lost little one” a deep voice broke through your mental breakdown. Turning around you came face to face with none other than the president of BTS, Kim Namjoon. He did nothing to hide the way his eyes raked over you, nor did he attempt to keep the smirk from forming on his face. Something didn’t feel right about this so you slowly started backing away from him.

Your attempt in escaping the president was cut short by the firm chest that suddenly pressed into your back. With a yelp and the most adorable of jumps you swiftly turned around to come face to face with Taehyung. To say they found your actions cute was a complete understatement.

Before your brain could catch on to what was happening, Yoongi and Hoseok suddenly appeared from your right. The four boys forming a half-moon around you, far enough to allow you to breathe, close enough to stop you if you would feel brave enough to run.

“w-what are you guys doing? I m-mean, what are y-you guys d-doing here?” you stammered out as you realized there’s no chance of escape now.

“Oh, we just got tired of playing the cat and mouse game with a mouse that just refused to catch the hints. So, we’re here to ‘UP’ our game” Yoongi said as his eyes raked over your body. An involuntary shiver made its way down your spine as his words sunk in. Cat and mouse… he was talking about you. You were the mouse. Meaning, you. were. screwed.

“w-what? A g-game?” the intimidation was getting to you. Your breath grew shallow and your heart rate skyrocketed. This whole situation was getting too much for you and you needed to get away from them, right now. Screw the option of being cautious.

“Yes kitten, a game where you- Y/N!” Hoseok’s voice grew faint as you bolted towards the opposite side of the parking lot. You had no idea what your plan was exactly, or how you were planning on outrunning them. All you knew was what your gut told you, and that was to run.

Their footsteps grew faint as you sprinted through the cars. Good thing you were a top athlete at your old school, some habits die hard which leads to you keeping your fitness up. You knew you were fast and it definitely counted in your favor. You had no idea what they wanted with you. You haven’t even spoken to them. They don’t know you and you supposedly don’t know them. Did you do something that entertained them to the point that they actually tormented you?

You were a few cars away from the end of the parking lot when a pair of strong arms grabbed you. Unfortunately for you and your interceptor, you were to fast for a ‘smooth’ pick up. His sudden interference causes you to lose your footing. Sending both of you flying towards the ground. Making yourself as small as possible you successfully rolled 3 times before you found your feet again. Adrenaline was a wonderful thing as it pushed you to survive.

Fate clearly wasn’t on your side. Those same arms wrapped around you once more just as you were about to take off again.

“Where are you running to, love? You’re fast for a quiet student. What other surprises do you have for us?” a deep voice whispered into your ear as the same arms lifted you off the ground. Wiggling in his arms you swiftly turned your head, locking eyes with none other than Jungkook, the youngest member of BTS. Your eyes grew wide as your previous struggle increased.

Your attempt at escape was, once again, cut short. Jimin appeared out of nowhere holding a rag as his smile grew tenfold as he took in your struggling form.

“As much as I would love to hear you scream, Jin-Hyung is waiting with the van. Namjoon-hyung wasn’t very happy with that stunt you pulled, baby. So, here’s what going to happen. You’re going to be a good girl and inhale this so we can take care of you, okay?” Jimin said as he placed the rag over your mouth and nose.

You tried to hold your breath and fake the effect, but your lungs were burning from the short marathon you just ran. The world soon faded into nothingness as you took shallow breaths into the cursed rag.

“That’s it, baby. Sleep for us”

•Δ•

You always despised waking up. You absolutely loved your sleep. But, you suddenly graved waking up in your own bed than waking up on a couch, in an unfamiliar living room, in an unfamiliar house. Groaning you slowly opened your eyes fully. Seven pairs of eyes stared back at you as you sat up.

All seven of the boys kept their eyes on you. Intimidated by all the attention, you brought your knees up to your chest, curling in on yourself. You were scared. These boys were dangerous in more ways than one and you were not planning on becoming just ‘another one’ in their eyes. A sudden intake of breath made you glance in their direction.

Jimin was staring at you with hungry eyes. At first, you were confused. Sure, you were a pretty girl but not to the extent that you could take away someone’s breath. Especially not someone from this house. These boys had hard shells around them. They’ve seen it all, pretty legs, perky boobs, small waists, basically anything that the typical dumb girl in those cringy movies had.

After your little conversation you had internally, your eyes caught his line of sight. That’s when you realized why and how you managed to take his breath away. You were wearing a skirt. And not just any skirt, one of those frilly short ones with the cute flowers on them. And you pulling your knees to your chest gave him the perfect view of your more intimate part.

No, you did not wear anything underneath your skirt like you normally do, other than your very pink undies. You quickly shifted in your seat, plucking one of the cushions from your right and placing it over your exposed parts. Your cheeks were pink from embarrassment. How could you forget that little important detail? Stupid.

“Aw, look how shy she is Hyung. She’s red all over! Oh, please let me touch her, I won’t be to rough with her.” Taehyung cooed as he scooted to the edge of his seat.

At his words, your gaze shot to Namjoon. His face was unreadable as he took in your form slowly. His eyes burned as they finally made contact with yours. But it was his words that made you freeze.

“All in good time Tae. Now Y/N. Let me explain what’s going to happen here and why. We’ve been following you for a bit now. You see, you caught our attention by NOT being so, how do I put this? flirty. Your different and we want that for ourselves. We even did some digging and found a bunch of interesting documents about you. One of them being a doctor's report that stated you to be pure in almost every form. Then we started observing you. You’re so innocent and slowly we all somehow developed this need to have you.” He paused as his eyes made a quick rundown of your form again.

“We tried luring you in but you ignored it. We tried getting you to notice us but you blew it off as nothing. So, we had to take some extreme measures to get what we want. To claim what is ours” at his last words all seven of the boys stood.

Slowly they made their way over to you. You were quickly trapped as Taehyung and Jungkook captured your arms while the other boys pinned you down.

“We’re going to make you ours little dove, and trust me, we’re not planning on letting you go. You kept yourself pure for us and we can only repay such kindness with devotion.” Seokjin said as his hands traced your side.

“Devotion to never even look at someone else. No one will be as pure as you.” Hoseok said as his gaze found yours.

A small hand trailed up your legs as you felt soft kisses being placed just under your skirt. Something about the way these seven boys were acting clicked a switch inside you. Anger towards them and the audacity they had to see you as a mere object that they could just take pissed you off to the max.

They were so consumed with the idea of ‘taking what was theirs’ that they missed the change in your whole demeanor. Yes, they were seven and you were one. They outnumbered you yet, something made you do what you did. Screw statistics and all that bull crap. You were an in dependable woman that they managed to piss off rather than convince of their case.

With one quick movement of your legs, you managed to send Jimin and Yoongi staggering backward. Twisting your body Namjoon, Seokjin and Hoseok’s hands left you. That only left Taehyung and Jungkook who still had you in a tight hold. Pushing your torso up you extended your hands to grab their heads. In one swift movement, you collapsed back down, successfully dragging the two boys with you, knocking their heads together in the process.

You were free and very much angry. The groans that came from the two younger members were satisfying at least. The boys were surprised at your sudden switch. That made you feel even bolder as you stood up, facing them with your hands on your hips. You kind of resembled an angry mother that was about to scold her toddler from stealing a cookie.

“Who in the actual frisk frack gave you the right to claim me as your property? I’m sorry I wasn’t aware of the fact that I was for fucking sale!” your tone wasn’t dark nor was it light, it resembled something between anger and self-control. The anger was self-explanatory but the self-control that you held was simply to keep you from tearing someone’s eyes out.

To be honest, the boys didn’t know what they found more frightening. The fact that you just took a complete 180 or the fact that they liked this side of you even more.

“If you wanted someone to be your personal sex slave, you knocked on the wrong door. I am untouched and will remain that way until I decide I am ready to take it further with someone I love. So, either you guys man the fuck up and let me go or someone should go put on the kettle so that we can talk this through like adults” you said as you folded your arms over your chest.

And that was how you found yourself sipping a fresh cup of coffee 20 minutes later. You agreed to hear them out and maybe help them if you were up to it. You seriously doubted it though.

Like all cliché stories, they had a very good reason behind their action. They even went as far as to through in the good old ‘We want to redo our whole look and get out of the fuck-boy club’ You, however, did not believe a word they said. Who would? You’ve seen the proof, witnessed the many tears a lot of students have shed over these boys. You for one were not going to fall that easily for their charm, be it how tempting as it may.

“So, let me get this straight. You guys want me to be the neutral party to ‘regain your image’? No way, I’ve seen the many tears shed because of you and I won’t be just ‘another’ one.” Putting down your, now empty coffee cup, you made ready to leave only to be stopped by a hand that engulfed yours.

“Y/N wait. Please just listen to us. We don’t want to use you to gain anything. We just want you…” Taehyung said as he scooted closer to you. His eyes held a sincerity that was unfamiliar to you.

“Wait a dam minute. I haven’t even spoken to you before today, how do you know you want me? You don’t even know me, and I don’t know you. And don’t get me started on the whole kidnapping me from campus part of this experience. Whose idea was that even?” You were on full rant mode as you kept rambling your complaints. The only thing that ended your word vomit was the looks you received from the boys. Their eyes held sadness, maybe even a hint of resent.

“Why do you guys look sad?” you asked in a soft voice, almost too afraid of the answer.

“Y/N. We do know you. We’ve been watching you for quite some time. But we want to get to know you personally. Like we already said, you’re different from the other girls. Your quitter, more of a shadow than one to be in the spotlight. You didn’t show interest in our advances or any other houses advances, trust me when I tell you they all tried. We know you’ll be genuine with anything you do. You won’t just do something for a name or title, you’ll do it with heart and love because that’s just who you are. We’re not saying that anything should happen now, but would you at least consider the option of getting to know us? Even if it’s just as friends?” Namjoon spoke up. His voice soft and caring, as if he’s scared, he’ll hurt you with his words.

Yet, here you are, heart tight at his words. Nobody has ever told you something close to this. Maybe you should consider getting to know them. Your pretty sure your overall analysis of BTS won’t change, but hey there’s a first for everything.

“Look we know we might have handled things wrong, but please do think about this,” Hoseok said with pleading eyes.

Signing, you nodded your head. Great, all you had to do know was not to fall in love with these boys and try not to give in to the temptations they carry on their shoulders.

[tslasvegas]

Episode 9: “Dear Diary, it’s me, Jaiden” - Jaiden

I feel like I've had a breakthrough. I just survived my first merge vote of the game and I wasn't even having a meltdown. That's already miles and miles ahead of my last Tumblr Survivor season where I made the merge. Although I don't think my position in this game is locked yet, I feel pretty good about where I stand. I hope that the Touchy Subjects answers reveal my hopes that I'm not a threat to anybody and that people don't believe the common idea is that I'm shitty or too perfect or something. If that makes any sense. Basically I just want to know that I'm doing okay here so far. I feel good about my chances at that but we need some work to be done before I can say that for certain. I hate seeing Andrew leave because like I said he's someone that I wanted to work with, but I have to believe what people said about him being an over-player, a mess, etc. and just stick to my guns that I made the right call here. I kind of wanted to see if Joey would play his legacy for Ben but I'm glad I held back on that because I hope the legacy will come back in the future to save me. I don't have a lot of confidence when it comes to the literal minefield of idols and nullifiers out there. As long as I continue convincing people I'm on their side, or that I'm not the enemy at least, those things won't get used on me. Right now that we're on the jury, I NEED to focus on my jury management first and foremost. I am super okay with playing my strategic and social game the way I've been doing it thus far (obv learning from past mistakes.....) but the killer to my game 99% of the time I've made it deep in these things is how I get that jury to feel about me. Protect myself in game, but also set up a jury of folks who feel like they can trust me and only me. And.. hopefully some day I'll blindside Joey and he'll give me his legacy advantage.

...five seconds later

Tbh I hope that Jake reads this after the season and realizes that I never once at this point in the merge find him annoying. Somehow in his own mind he thinks hes like, the worst person ever and I'm trying to tell him he's not, he's great, we have a lot of work ahead of, etc and he's not buying it at all. Idk if this is him trying to emotionally manipulate me or not, but.. like.. thats my gameplan tf! 

So Steph, Pat and Jeff were left out of the vote. But Jaiden said it was supposed to be unanimous. That means that Keegan, Liv and Joey purposely left them out. I don't understand why they would intentionally make enemies. Better for us I suppose. We just got to keep our ragtag group of 6 together: me, John, Jake, Kailyn, Jaiden and Ben.

So the merge vote was quite interesting. With this being a 13 person merge, I tend to believe it is best to play a tad conservatively early on. This made it to where I figure the OG Palazzo would get a good 1-2 rounds of things their way before Keegan, Jake, and I mounted our little rebellion. As it turns out, I woke up to Jake and Keegan wanting me on call because Andrew was being as messy as he was on our swap tribe. Jake said that Andrew confirmed the OG Palazzo chat, something Keegan and I had already did, and that Keegan threw Jake's name out in said chat and Andrew shot it down. In reality, Andrew is actually the person that threw Jake out. He threw Jake's name out first on our swap tribe and he threw it out first here. I am really unsure what game Andrew really wanted to play beyond making sure he had options outside of the OG Palazzo. So from this point, we went around and got a feel for who we could pull. Joey had already expressed to Keegan that he felt nervous about there being a massive numerical OG Palazzo majority. The game is better for all of us if it is a bad more fluid. We ended up kicking Andrew to the curb in a 9-4 vote with Steph, Jeff, Pat, and Andrew voting in the minority. We talked in the OG Palazzo chat and those left out seemed to understand once we explained some of Andrew's missteps in PM's. This is good because I want some form of OG Palazzo to be there if it becomes something that I need down the line. At this current moment, I have heard no one bring up the super idol that is in Keegan and I's possession so I can only assume that we got lucky and no one actually checked the vault after we grabbed it. This could be due to lack of chips at the time or people just forgetting to. So for now, I shall assume everyone thinks that the super idol is vibing on the idol board, which is very good for me. Typically with a super idol, it would be super easy for you to get voted out the round after saving yourself with it. That is why I would like for it to get as deep into this game as possible. At the end of the day, the best part about having it is knowing its whereabouts and not having someone else possess it. So after TC, Jake, Keegan, and I hopped on call to celebrate. Jake revealed that Joey offered a 4 to him and Jake said I am good and should be included. This is how many current alliances are looking: - F2: Keegan and I - Three of Us: Keegan, Jake, and I - Meninism: Keegan, Jake, Joey, Jaiden, and I - OG Palazzo: Keegan, Joey, Jeff, Pat, Steph, and I This makes it so that the only people I do not have some sort of alliance with are Ben, Kailyn, John, and Xavier. I like these people but that is kind of how the game is shaking out currently. Ideally, I want Ben out next as it would allow my 3 to fade into the background and let what should be a consensus boot happen. After TC, multiple people expressed that Ben hadn't been very social. Now the current challenge is Touchy Subjects and I hope I do not get too many positive ones just because they could result in me being targeted. I think I am in a good spot to where I am doing well socially and having one on one's with everyone in some capacity, but I am hoping I am not perceived as any sort of power player at the moment. That fucked me in Trinity: Deception Island and I would not like for that to fuck me over here. I do think I have the connections to make it through for a little while. I see a path to the end but as I get closer I will have to evaluate whether or not that is a winning path to the end. Below is a short synopsis of my one on ones with people: - Steph: like nothing because I have found her super dry premerge - Jaiden: we have been talking about reading and writing and books and it is a good time - Jeff: he is a king and we have been talking about theatre and work and past games and shit - Jake: not as much one on one stuff due to our calls with Keegan - Keegan: not a lot but I have been updating him prior to updating the 3 chat - Kailyn: college and majors and such - Xavier: not a whole lot but he seems really sweet and messaged me "i am glad we voted together :)" after TC and I found that super wholesome - Ben: he has not responded in a bit but he wanted to strategize for the idol hunt with me - Joey: a decent bit of memes back and forth - Pat: lots of small talk but we have had some good convos and he seems to understand the Andrew move - John: we talked a bit about Atomic Nova Scotia Overall, I think I am doing well but not overtly so. This is ideal when we are still at Final 12 I think.

I think Palazzo will vote out Stephanie :) They hate women

Wow. I'm writing this after immunity results. I'm kind of just gonna word vomit. I checked off individual immunity from my checklist. And it's this challenge. The one that eliminated me in 26. The one that crushed 16 year old Jake's self confidence, and made him never want to play again. I got Hero, want to win, funniest, and stop talking which is kind of my favorite. I never ever thought I'd come back after 73 seasons, win THIS challenge, and in an individual setting. I changed history a little bit. And now I'm in the final 11. Ben is the easy vote this round, personally I'd love to see Stephanie go so that I can have Xavier to myself. But I can't push too hard. I controlled last vote, let someone else have a turn in the sun. I get to chill for once.

Now that’s character development!

Move now or lay low?

Final 12 feels pretty good, but final 11 will be so much better. If I make it through this vote, this will be the longest I’ve made it in a merge! And I’ll tie my placement with India :) Obviously I am still focused on my goal of making it thru til single digits, but I’m celebrating the small victories now so I don’t focus too hard on strategy that doesn’t need to take place this early. I feel like everyone is going to be looking at Ben as the dude they need to get rid of, so I won’t be surprised if he ends up going home. I don’t think that is the absolute worst thing for my game right now, but I’d prefer Stephanie or Xavier going before Ben at least for right now. I suppose I don’t have a huge voice on the subject but my pitch to keep Ben tomorrow is that it keeps Kailyn away from trying to work with Stephanie and Xavier who, frankly, need to be part of the next couple boots if we’re thinking big picture.. I don’t know if Joey will listen to me. Another option is maybe see if we can swing votes to Pat. Would anybody be upset to see Pat go home? Who knows. But basically my relationships are so little with Pat, Kailyn, Stephanie, and Xavier and idk what to do about them right now. I really just don’t wanna see those four link up and go super far because that would be kinda boring and really devastating LOL Another big win for me today was that I got put into the Meninist alliance with Jake, Joey, Livingston, and Keegan. While I’m not particularly fond of Livingston yet, we’ll see if he grows on me :) if not he can say adios. Since Joey is looking REALLY dangerous I’m gonna try to distance myself from him more and more right now. I don’t want people to think I’m drinking his kool aid bc I’m not, but I don’t want him to think I’ve turned on him bc I definitely want him to still give me that legacy advantage.. This morning I was thinking about how I can really give myself a better trajectory to the end and I’m a little bit confused still on what my winning conditions are for this game. What moves can I start making today that will set me up for six tribals down the line when surely the game is getting messy as fuck and I need protection from all sides? Maybe discrediting people like Xavier, Stephanie, Kailyn, Pat, and even Livingston aren’t the best things for me to do right now. I want to keep people who are in my corner safe such as Jeff, Keegan, Jake, and hopefully Joey but we’re almost to the halfway point of the game and it’s not going to be easy to keep everybody including myself safe. It’s no longer a question of whether I’ll win this or not. It’s a question of how I win. The merge is what counts I think.. everything before that was just the foundation for success. My foundation is cracked and not the best but I’m picking up the pace, I think. Whatever. If I have to use my social connections to Joey or John or whoever, I’m going to manipulate them to what benefits me. I don’t wanna go down that path of being messy but some day soon these ppl are gonna realize they should’ve never trusted me to begin with... because I’m coming for them.

Me almost forgetting confessionals were a thing. Ben is really popping off here today because he knows he's the boot. And now he has created a "straights alliance". This... is such a weird day. I wanna just go back to bed and not deal with all of this because it's weird.

6 years ago I wanted to pull of a move like this. I can get Ben to explode in main chat and with everyone. Pick fights, freak out, tank people’s games, just be a monster. And without anyone knowing, I’ll give him my safety without power. Idols will be flushed, mass panic, and I have immunity so I’m just chilling. We’re about to gamble baby.

Dear Diary, it’s me, Jaiden. Ben went off the deep end today and proved that he was a wasted spot on this season to begin with. This tribe is only big enough for one messy bitch, and not only that but I'm one big fat messy bitch, so sorry Ben but your time has come. 

I always get a bad feeling before tribal. I just hope Ben goes, and it’s easy and smooth and there’s no issues. 

I thought Kailyn was horny texting me, turns out she's just high........ Kailyn, 5:15 PM so is the vote tonight ben ?? i’m kind of [redacted] rn don’t know what’s going on 😳 Jaiden, 5:15 PM yeah :/ i feel bad bc ive grown to like ben but no one is offering any sort of alternative omg whats redacted Kailyn, 5:16 PM 😳😳😳 legally, it’s a joke 💖 Jaiden, 5:16 PM IM??? Kailyn, 5:16 PM JSDJKSKA Jaiden, 5:16 PM WHAT do u mean uimm i cant find the up emoji but like UP u know?? Kailyn, 5:16 PM SJHDJDKSLA yes 💖 Jaiden, 5:17 PM omg queeeeeeeen i love that for u JOKINGLY of course hehe Kailyn, 5:17 PM for the laugh 💖💖💖💖💖 thank u Jaiden, 5:17 PM god we stan r u gonna be at tribal?? Kailyn, 5:18 PM if i remember yes ofc 😇 me trying to do my french hw rn: 🧍‍♀️🧍🧍‍♂️ Jaiden, 5:19 PM HAHA good...i wanna see u pop awf hopefully HJAHHAHA i love the emojis Jaiden, Kailyn, 5:19 PM NSHDJSJAJ ofc 💖 Jaiden, 5:19 PM god im truely living my best life thru u rn tell me something french Kailyn, 5:22 PM je can’t remember a word of français rn bc i’m so h word 💖🙏🥵 Jaiden, 5:22 PM *HAPPY!!* Kailyn, 5:27 PM so true 😇 Jaiden, 5:27 PM wait i hope we mean the same h word im starting to think its not the one im thinking of....... Kailyn, 5:28 PM DJDJDJKSAKALKAK uhhh not me accidentally calling Xavier 😭😭😭😭 Jaiden, 5:29 PM DID HE ANSWER Kailyn, 5:30 PM YEAHHHSJDJSKLALA Jaiden, 5:31 PM WHAT HAPPENED IM FUIOHWODIH thats so fucking funy Kailyn, 5:31 PM NDDHJDKSS I SAW MY FACE POP UP ON THE SCREEN AND I WAS LIKE FUCK Jaiden, 5:31 PM H9uhiudheiuhfH Kailyn, 5:31 PM AND HE WAS LIKE. DID U CALL Jaiden, 5:31 PM VIDEO CALL????????????? Kailyn, 5:31 PM AND I WAS LIKE UHHH Jaiden, 5:31 PM IM DYING Kailyn, 5:32 PM AND HUNG UP Jaiden, 5:32 PM KAILYN Kailyn, 5:32 PM NSHDHDKSLSLA Jaiden, 5:32 PM IM LAUGHING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIGNM HARD Kailyn, 5:32 PM ate some Good chocolate on this night 😤👼 Jaiden, 5:33 PM oh my GOD you're talking about the H i DIDNT THINK U WERE TAKING ABT Kailyn, 5:33 PM JDDHJDKSKALAP WHAT DID U THINK Jaiden, 5:33 PM maybe calling xavier wasnt on accident i THOUGHT you were talking about being high but UGHFWO)DJH CHOCOLATE IS AN APHRODISIAC Kailyn, 5:34 PM YEAH I AM WTF Jaiden, 5:34 PM WHAT] Kailyn, 5:34 PM DJJDDJKSLSPAPS NOOOOOO Jaiden, 5:34 PM I TOHUGHT Kailyn, 5:34 PM SHJDJDKDOEOEOWOWA Jaiden, 5:34 PM OMFG Kailyn, 5:34 PM BCUCNCNDODNDIEOEKOEW Jaiden, 5:34 PM WHEN U SAID CALLED XAVIER AND THE CHOCOLATE Kailyn, 5:34 PM WHAT THE FUCKODKSKSKS NOOOOOOO Jaiden, 5:34 PM I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING Kailyn, 5:34 PM DBHDJSKAKAKS BYE NOOOOOO DJDHDJSKALLAA Jaiden, 5:34 PM IM DETLTING MY FUCKING ACCOUNT IM DLEETING MY FUCKING ACCOT Kailyn, 5:34 PM HSHDHDKSKALA

[thwip--thwip]

duly noted

“You’re okay, Mr. Stark,” Peter says gently, cluelessly, and Tony coughs, trying to get the words out - that Peter needs to panic, needs to call someone or several someone’s, that this isn’t just food poisoning or something - because if someone managed to get close enough to drug Tony in his own damn Tower, there’s a serious problem. “It’s probably just - “

“Peter, Peter,” Tony’s words are slurring together, and his eyes feel heavy - he cannot fall asleep, no no no - and he grabs Peter’s forearms, shaking him (or is Tony the one shaking?) “Something - someone - I’ve been - been drugged.”

*

Written for the prompt 'laced drink' for Whumptober 2019.

Read here on AO3 | Or below the cut!

Tony knows something’s wrong about thirty minutes into the R&D presentation.

If he’s being honest, he thinks he knew something was wrong like, ten minutes in, but one glance at Peter by his side had put him at ease. The kid had a built in danger radar, and he wore his emotions on his face so transparently it would have been laughable if it weren’t so endearing. Peter’s been full of nervous energy today - leg bouncing, biting his nails, the whole nine yards - but he doesn’t look like he’s sensing anything wrong.

But there’s definitely something wrong.

Tony’s head starts to feel fuzzy fifteen minutes in, almost with the slow, creeping intensity of a migraine - except it doesn’t hurt, it just feels thick, like a weighted blanket on his brain. Peter leans over and whispers something Tony can’t focus on - something sarcastic no doubt, about the sentient toaster or whatever-the-fuck new innovation these bright minds have cooked up next (the smart fridge was dumb, but sold decently well, so).

It takes him another ten minutes to realize he feels drunk (which...says something about how high-functioning he’d been before he quit drinking).

“Peter,” Tony whispers - or he thinks he whispers, but the marketing intern turns around to look at him, so maybe it wasn’t as quiet as he’d hoped. Peter inclines his head towards him, eyes still on the presentation. Tony reaches out with a hand that feels too heavy for his body and clasps Peter’s shoulder. The boy finally turns to look at him with those wide, brown eyes of his, and Tony clutches at his shoulder, tight.

“Get me out of here.” That one is a whisper, an intense one that can’t fully hide Tony’s building panic, and Peter only hesitates for a split-second before complying. He stands up, subtly helping Tony out of his seat (okay, yeah, he’s swaying like the gondola ride at Coney Island, something’s wrong), and looping Tony’s arm over his shoulders when they finally make it out to the hallway (thank God Tony always insists on sitting at the back of the room to brook quick exits).

“I think - I think I’m -” He wants to say drugged, but his stomach rolls and Tony groans, closing his eyes. “Bathroom. Toilet. Gonna puke.”

“Oh shit,” Peter says, ever the eloquent one, diverting them towards the closest bathroom. They burst into the stall, and Tony practically collapses to his knees on the hard tile, stomach heaving as it all comes up. There isn’t much - he’s not exactly a breakfast person - but the coffee and bile stains the bowl a dark brown (not really a half and half person either). Peter rubs a comforting hand down the line of his back, a slow circle, and something that just screams of May Parker’s tenderness.

“You’re okay, Mr. Stark,” Peter says gently, cluelessly, and Tony coughs, trying to get the words out - that Peter needs to panic, needs to call someone or several someone’s, that this isn’t just food poisoning or something - because if someone managed to get close enough to drug Tony in his own damn Tower, there’s a serious problem. “It’s probably just - “

“Peter, Peter,” Tony’s words are slurring together, and his eyes feel heavy - he cannot fall asleep, no no no - and he grabs Peter’s forearms, shaking him (or is Tony the one shaking?) “Something - someone - I’ve been - been drugged.”

Tony expects panic. He expects fear and confusion.

He doesn’t expect Peter’s sad little smile. He doesn’t expect to hear “I’m sorry.” out of the kid’s mouth.

And the last thing Tony expects, as the horrible, confusing, utterly blindsiding realization that Peter was the one who roofied him (Peter brought me the coffee…), is to pass out, Peter’s face blurring out of his vision, into darkness.

But that’s what happens.

***

Tony wakes up in a fireman’s carry, feeling like ass. He wishes he could say it’s a new low for him, but it’s not - and Tony Stark is a lot of things, but he isn’t a liar. Tony grunts, clearing his throat - his mouth feels like it’s full of cotton balls, and it tastes terrible - yet again, not unfamiliar.

“H-ey.” Tony rasps, re-finding his voice - his body feels weak, arms dangling over someone’s back, and Tony struggles to regain fine motor control. “Hey.”

“Oh,” That’s Peter’s voice, sounding shockingly nonchalant, and that’s about when Tony realizes they’re moving. Peter is...not running, but speed walking...somewhere. “Hey.”

“Hey?!” Tony’s annoyance sharpens his tone, brings his voice back a little stronger, and he can’t see it, but he can feel Peter’s wince. Yeah, no shithe’s in trouble.

“Look, uh, don’t freak out.” Peter practically pleads, as though Tony is in any way going to listen to him. “Everything’s under control.”

“What the fuck?” Tony growls, and he wants to demand to be put down, wants a fucking answer - and somewhere, in the back of his brain, he wants to be hurt, he wants the space to be deeply upset that Peter, of all people, would do something like this.

He didn’t think the kid had it in him, and he hates that he can’t help but worry about it (betrayal burns on the way down).

“Mr. Stark, I - “ Peter’s words are cut off by a spray of bullets - he dodges them expertly, jumping and kicking off the wall to propel them down the next side hallway. He executes the maneuver with ease, and no indication of difficulty while still carrying Tony.

“Sorry,” Peter says, so infuriatingly casually, like they’d just been interrupted by a phone call. He’s running now, though, so at least there’s that.

“Who was that?” Tony demands, trying to sound as angry as he felt, which was difficult when he had to close his eyes against the next wave of nausea. Rohypnol - assuming that’s what Peter used, or at least close to it - can last up to six hours so unfortunately, Tony knows he’s pretty much down for the count.

“Our kidnappers,” The kid can’t keep saying shit like that with such ease, or Tony’s going to lose his goddamn mind (even more than he already has).

“Explain. Right now.” He tries, again, to sound commanding, but he knows it just sounds kind of desperate. Peter takes another corner, navigating them somewhere - or at least away from something.

“I was on my way in this morning and these totally weird dudes grabbed me like right off the subway,” Peter begins, and Tony’s stomach lurches at the thought. “But I wasn’t in the suit, so I just went along with it. They wanted me to drug you so they could kidnap you, and they said they’d kill me if I didn’t do it, which like, whatever - “

Whatever. Tony’s gonna fucking kill him when he can stand up under his own power again, Jesus Christ.

“ - but they also said they had bombs in the building, and I didn’t know if that was true? So I figured it was probably better not to risk it.”

Tony hates to admit it - believe him, he does - but it makes sense. It’s what he would have done (well, he’s not sure he could drug Peter and allow him to be kidnapped, but Tony would have 100% sacrificed himself). Still, he’d be remiss if he didn’t protest. “And you didn’t tell me any of this when it happened because?”

“You would have tried to stop me,” Peter shrugs, the movement of his shoulders lifting Tony up and down. Tony sighs, long-suffering - Peter’s got him there.

“Maybe you should have been stopped.” Tony doesn’t need to see Peter’s face to feel the way the kid almost rolls his eyes - but he can also feel the guilt emanating from him, too, so Tony tries to swallow down the upset. “So where the hell are we?”

“I think we’re at AIM.” Peter skids to a stop by a door that leads to a stairwell - it’s locked, but he breaks it open with one hand and then they’re going again - up, towards the roof, it seems. “Not sure. I pretended to panic when they tried to take you, so they hit me with their gun and I pretended to conk out, and that got them to take me too.”

Peter’s a little bastard genius, and Tony struggles between feeling proud and pissed. He can be both, can’t he?

“Are you really mad?” The kid asks nervously, after a long beat of silence, the only sounds his feet, slapping on the concrete steps as he propels them up, floor by floor. Tony stifles a sigh, because that singular question is enough to take the wind right out of his sails.

“No,” Tony squeezes his eyes shut tighter, trying valiantly not to chuck. The up and down motion of Peter’s stair-stepping isn’t helping. “No, Pete, I’m not - “

Tony cuts off in frustration, and the next words out of his mouth - he’s not sure why he says them, why he admits it. Blame it on the drugs. But he says: “I’m scared, kid.”

The admission takes Peter by surprise (almost as much as it does Tony), and he almost falters on a step before continuing, up and up. Tony thinks he hears a door open, far below them, but Peter doesn’t stop to find out. “It’s gonna be okay, Mr. Stark, really I - “

“No, Pete,” Tony cuts him off, tapping a hand against Peter’s back. He’s starting to be able to move his limbs again, thank God. “I’m not scared for me. I’m scared for you. You went lone wolf on this one and - yeah, sure, maybe everything might end up fine. Doesn’t mean it’s any less terrifying to - to be helpless and watch you do it.”

“I’m sorry,” Peter’s voice softens, and this time, Tony knows he means it. “I - I guess I just felt like I didn’t have much of a choice. And it - I felt like it would be safer if I was with you.”

“You don’t need to protect me,” Tony replies gently, and for the briefest second, he feels a wave of ridiculous laughter bubbling in his stomach - this probably isn’t a conversation they should be having while Tony’s facing Peter’s butt (and that says a lot about a) his twelve-year-old sense of humor and b) their lives). “I can save myself, kid.”

“But you shouldn’t always have to.” They reach the top of the stairwell and Peter breaks through the next door, taking them out into open air. He turns around and twists the handle with a screech of metal - who knows how long it’ll hold, but at least there’s an obstacle.

Tony didn’t expect to have his own lessons parroted back at him today, but he can’t deny them. Peter finally sets him down, leaning up against the brick wall that marks the edge of the building. Tony watches blearily as the kid starts taking off his clothes - but the suit is on underneath, and Peter slips his mask on and webs his clothes behind the air conditioner in seconds flat.

“Can I save you, Mr. Stark?” Peter offers, one hand extended, the lenses on his mask widening as they adjust to the light. Tony - he can’t help but smile, because it feels so innocent, so light-hearted. The kid was unbelievably infuriating sometimes, but he means well. Tony takes the proffered hand, allowing Peter to haul him up to his feet.

“Fine. But for future reference, when I swoon, I prefer bridal carry. Just ask Steve.” Peter snorts, lifting one arm to shoot his web, the other wrapping securely around Tony.

“Duly noted, sir.”

Peter jumps off the roof with no further warning, and Tony can’t help the startled yell that the sensation rips from his chest - freefalling with nothing to stop them, until the stomach-dropping swoop of Peter’s webbing catches them.

If I had to be rescued, Tony can’t help but think, as Peter lets out a whoop and shoots another line of web. I’m glad it’s Spiderman.

[ladylilithprime]

Sastiel Creations Challenge | @ladylilithprime

↳ Theme: One More | Prompt: Day

Fluff Bingo Square: Movie Night

=I Did Not Live Until Today=

Read on AO3

MOVIE NIGHT IN the Bunker had been originally instituted by Dean, and the insistence of Sam that everyone in the Bunker, especially a stressed out and overworked teenaged Prophet of the Lord, needed to take regular breaks to relax and unwind before the constant "go, go, go" made them all go crazy. Hunts would occasionally interrupt the ritual, postpone it for a couple of days, but none of them were allowed more than ten days without a mandatory Movie Night. Dean had insisted that Castiel join these movie nights whenever he was around, intent on "educating" the Angel in what he termed the "classics" of cinema. Castiel had confided privately to Sam that, upon viewing these so-called classics, he was gaining more of an understanding of Dean than he was of why the movies were classical, which Sam had assured him was normal.

Movie Night had been weird after the Trials, because Sam would start out watching the movie with Dean and whoever else was there, but suddenly it would be hours later and he wouldn't remember actually watching any of it despite not having moved. In the wake of Crowley showing up in Sam's head with the brothers' code word tripping off his tongue to warn him that he had an angelic passenger who had taken over the driver's seat, Sam figured he knew what had happened and maybe he felt a little tiny flicker of gratitude for Gadreel sparing him having to watch the monkey movies again, but that was drowned out by the overall feelings of shock and betrayal and rage because how could Dean do this to him?!

It was Sam's decision to continue Movie Night even though it was just him and Castiel in the Bunker now. The original purpose of enforcing a break on overworked humans was still valid, even though now the overworked human was only Sam, and the secondary purpose of introducing Castiel to human entertainment was also still in effect, perhaps even more so after Metatron had downloaded a huge selection of American pop culture into Castiel's head without much in the way of context. Without Dean to steer the selection towards action films and neither of them particularly interested in watching mindless violence and gore, plus Sam's increased aversion to psychological horror films, the movies they watched tended to veer more towards musicals. If Castiel suspected that this, too, might be a bit of Sam's rebellion against Dean's stubborn adherence to mullet rock as the only valid music to listen to, well, he didn't call Sam on it and Sam didn't choose to admit anything.

Tonight was another designated Movie Night, not because it had been too long since the last, but because Sam knew that after the failure of the tracking spell with Gadreel's extracted Grace he, at least, needed something where the fate of the world was less dependant on the outcome. In hindsight, queueing up Les Miserábles was probably not the best idea given the overall setting of the movie and the themes of melancholy and grief that pervaded it, but he suspected Castiel would appreciate the other themes of faith and sacrifice and second chances.

He probably should have expected Castiel's analysis of the story's themes to extend to their lives, but somehow it didn't even occur to him until Castiel blindsided him with an abrupt declaration that Jean Valjean reminded him of Sam.

"I'm sorry?" Sam blurted, not sure he had heard the Angel correctly.

"He is a good man who committed criminal acts for a good cause and was harshly punished for it even after his incarceration ended," Castiel explained, gesturing to the screen where Valjean's pay was docked in front of the other workers, who were openly hostile. "It does not matter to these people that his intentions were noble - to feed his family - or that the crime was relatively minor, all they see is the criminal record and discount the good heart of the man who committed it and is stained by that record in the eyes of the society he serves."

"Cas, that's not... I started the Apocalypse!" Sam said, shaking his head. "That's a good bit worse than stealing a loaf of bread and running."

"You killed a demon," Castiel disagreed. "A demon you had been told by everyone around you was responsible for breaking Seals and that killing her would stop things. You were deliberately not told that she was the final Seal and that killing her would release Lucifer because enough angels, myself included, believed that if you knew the truth then you would not have killed her. Yet you do not blame me for lying to you, or for changing my mind and breaking through my conditioning too late to send Dean in time to stop you. Nor do you blame Dean for breaking under Alistair and being the one to break the first Seal which set things in motion. Instead, you continue to allow people, including Dean who should really know better, to cast the blame for things beyond your control onto your shoulders and even take on blame and responsibility where there should be none, forgetting that any penance required for playing a part long ago set out for you has been more than served."

Sam looked away from Castiel's placid, deeply knowing expression, but found he couldn't focus on the screen until a flash of silver catching light drew his attention. "Look, I don't... whatever redemption I might have earned with jumping has to be cancelled out by the things I did after getting out again, especially all the crap I pulled without my soul--"

"Do you think yourself responsible for your soulless self's actions, even though your soul was still in the Cage being subjected to Michael and Lucifer's torments?" Sam frowned a little at the low notes of guilt and sorrow in the Angel's voice and looked over, but Castiel wouldn't meet his eyes, staring instead at the screen as the old priest backed up Valjean's lie of gifted silver and gave over the candlesticks as well. "Hm. Heaven has not treated you nearly so kindly as this priest does..."

"Castiel," Sam started to reach out, but found his courage falter and lowered his hand with a sigh. "I know you didn't leave my soul behind on purpose. I knew it then, too, even with you keeping secrets and never having mentioned it before that moment... sorry, too, about the holy fire."

"There is no apology necessary," Castiel refuted, though Sam thought he looked moderately grateful for it anyway. "You were right to be suspicious of my actions and motives at the time, if not for that specific reason."

"Still..."

"Sam, I assure you, I hold no ill will over your suspicion of me, nor for your actions to try and stop me. If anything, I am deeply grateful for your continued faith in me even after I had gone off the reservation and done you considerable harm." Castiel shook his head. "We are getting away from the main subject, which is that you are not responsible for the actions your body committed without your soul present."

"It was still my body," Sam argued. "My... impulses or whatever, stripped of my inhibitions--"

"Not true," Castiel interrupted. "Stripped of your higher empathic functions and natural moral compass that is your soul, your body behaved with logical precision not unlike how most Angels would act. While that behavior likely seemed heartless or 'dickish' at times, this was in part because of the contrast to your usual compassion and kindness, but you weren't actively malicious or uncontrolled. Everything, including the decision to go to Dean with the suspicion that something was wrong and to ask him to be your moral compass, was meticulously and logically thought out and reasoned for the most optimal outcome. Recall that your soulless self felt that it was for the best that your soul be retrieved and rejoined with your body, and only rejected the plan when the possibility that doing so would kill you was presented."

"Whereupon I promptly tried to kill Bobby! Cas--"

"Sam," Castiel turned fully to face him and glared at him in a way that reminded Sam forcefully of the fact that this was an Angel of the Lord. "You. Are. Not. To. Blame. Your soulless self attempted to kill a man who showed every sign of being ready to kill you by forcefully reuniting your damaged soul with your body. A soul, I must add, which did not deserve the torment inflicted upon it and to which we owed the continued existence of the human race."

"I was just--"

"Cleaning up your mess, so you've said." Castiel was beginning to look frustrated. "But the Apocalypse was not just your mess. It was Dean's, and mine, and Lucifer's, and Michael's, and every angel and demon and human servant of either side who worked towards setting it off earlier than my Father planned. I would even venture to say that it was my Father's fault for refusing to step in when, despite Raphael's delusions, we had very clear evidence from Joshua that He is still alive and close enough to be aware of the situation." The Angel reached forward then and covered the shell-shocked human's nearest hand with his own. "Your soulless self recognized that, and recognized the unfair imbalance, and quite rightly called us out on our lack of respect for you and your sacrifices. Since regaining your soul, Dean's insistence on leaving past transgressions in the past except when it suits him to drag them out as evidence of culpability and questionable judgement has driven your self-confidence down to the point where you have even allowed Dean to make you believe yourself at fault for not looking for a brother and non-human friend whom you had every reason to believe were dead and at peace.

"No more," Castiel said with a fire in his vessel's blue eyes that had nothing to do with his borrowed Grace. "Sam Winchester, you will listen to me and believe this if nothing else: You. Deserve. Respect. And for my part in allowing others to be negligent in giving you that respect, you have my apologies."

For a long moment, Sam could do nothing more than stare at Castiel, stunned speechless and feeling more than a few echoes of the old awe and wonder with which he had first viewed this Angel of the Lord who had saved his big brother from Hell. It seemed impossible to believe, even with Castiel staring into him and all but demanding that he do so. For all he knew, he had fallen asleep on the couch next to Castiel and all of this was somehow some sort of incredibly vivid dream like the ones he tried to pretend he didn't have about the Angel, because if anything stood a chance at making their current arrangement far more awkward than it ever needed to be....

Castiel must have seen something of his thoughts in his expression, because the intensity faded into sadness and then, before Sam could gather his wits enough to try and reassure him, turned to resolve. "I will remind you of this conversation later, so as to establish better credibility."

"Um..." Sam blinked. That was unexpected. "Okay? Thanks? I'll... work on believing you, Cas, I will, I just...."

"Have several years of conditioning for expecting the worst to work around, as well as the more recent problems with maintained perception of reality," Castiel nodded. "I will remind you as often as is necessary of your worth and worthiness."

Sam nodded, more for the lack of any other way to acknowledge Castiel's words than out of agreement or understanding, jumping a little when the music from the television screen picked up in volume. He turned back to the movie, flushing darkly when he realized that they'd completely missed Fantine's entire arc and Valjean's crisis of conscience, and reached for the remote. "Oh, hey, let me--"

"No, it's--" Castiel's grip on Sam's hand tightened, then released with enough abruptness that Sam found himself stopping anyway, turning questioning eyes on Castiel. "I confess that I have been, ah, 'cheating' with this film, as it is one of the stories that Metatron saw fit to share, though not this particular version."

"Should we put on something else?"

"If that is what you prefer. I am enjoying watching it with you regardless."

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if that was because of Castiel's bizarre comparisons between Sam and Valjean, but he swallowed it back and instead forced himself to settle back into the couch beside Castiel to watch the introduction to the Thénardier family and Cosette. The silence stretched between them as the music played, until--

"Sam? Why is Thénardier's wife making that gesture when she sings that there is 'not much there'?"

Sam swallowed down the urge to choke or laugh, because of course Castiel would ask about that. He cut a sharp glance in the Angel's direction to check if he was being trolled, but Castiel's expression showed only genuine puzzlement. "Uh... Well, I mean, uh... some guys get kinda hung up on penis size, uh, taking the whole 'bigger is better' idea way too seriously and, uh, thinking that bigger size makes them better able to please their partners, which, uh, really isn't true across the board. And, uh, there are a lot of guys who think that having those, um, extra inches is all they need for it to be good for their partner, which also isn't true." He found himself looking at the screen in a gambit to not have to meet Castiel's eyes, and moments later he pointed. "See, she's saying the line again without the gesture. So, uh, the implication is Thénardier falls doubly short of the mark."

"I see," Castiel said, his tone meditative. With his eyes averted, Sam couldn't see the speculative look the Angel sent in his direction, though he definitely heard the pointedly dry tone when Castiel added, "Mrs Thénardier would do better to find a more skilled pizza man."

Sam jerked his head around to stare at Castiel again, but this time the Angel's expression was the same sort of bland that he used when trolling Dean, and so Sam managed to force out a chuckle for the joke before settling in to watch the dynamics between the Thénardiers and Cosette with its very Cinderella vibe. Castiel muttered something about "punching John Winchester again" that made no sense and Sam wasn't sure he wanted to know about anyway, and then made a brief comment about Cosette's dream being similar to many human interpretations of Heaven, but otherwise said nothing until Valjean told Cosette that he was now her father.

"Another parallel," he said. Sam, who had hoped Castiel had forgotten about his weird fixation by this point, blinked in confusion.

"Uh, Cas, I'm pretty sure I haven't gone and adopted any random kids," he pointed out. Really, that seemed more like something Dean would do than him, Dean actually really liked kids and liked the idea of being a dad while Sam... not so much.

"Random, no," Castiel agreed. "You are, however, extraordinarily compassionate. I suspect that, if presented with an orphaned child whose situation required more specialized guardianship than a more normal human fosterage system could provide, you would be an excellent parental figure." He was silent for a moment, pensive and troubled, and then said, softly, "I had never had Nephilim of my own, nor am I likely to do so in the future, but if I did and was unable to care for the child myself, I would ask you."

"Me?" Sam gaped at him. "I mean, why me? Why not Dean?"

"Dean has an unfortunate history of being less than tolerant of supernatural occurrences, of children with powers beyond most human capabilities," Castiel said, shooting an apologetic glance at Sam even before Sam was aware of wincing. "A Nephil would inevitably have powers, and I am a Seraph. Only an Archangel could overpower and suppress the Grace of a Nephil sired by me, and there are no more Archangels available to do so. You have powers of your own and training in using them, albeit with an enhancement method that I would not recommend using with a Nephil, and would be well suited to teaching."

"Cas, my powers--"

"Are yours and yours alone. Azazel may have forcefully activated them on his own schedule and attempted to corrupt them and, through them, you, but he - and Ruby - failed. Your soul is far too pure and good for their hooks to find permanent anchor."

"But... I mean, you... angels... you always warned me against using them...."

"Only because the method with which you were amplifying them - that is, drinking demon blood - was so dangerous to you and the people around you, and training them to full strength properly after first tearing down Azazel's blocks would have taken considerably more time and effort... and, I suspect, those of my superiors actively assisting in bringing about the Apocalypse did not want you learning to use your powers without the addictive crutch of demon blood that could be used to prime your rage and point you at Lilith when the time came."

"So why are you just now telling me this?"

"Well," Castiel glanced away, looking somewhat sheepish. "To be honest, I did not realize that you were unaware that your powers were innate and not actually demonic in origin until I overheard you speaking of them in past tense as if they no longer existed because you were no longer drinking demon blood rather than you simply not using them. Given my clumsy understanding of social nuances and the complex mix of negative emotions you associate with your powers, I erred on the side of caution and did not mention it until our current conversation provided an opening."

Well. That was fair. Even so, Sam couldn't help but stare at Castiel as he attempted to process everything he had learned in such a short amount of time. The fact that the majority of Angels hated him was not new, but the fact that Heaven had actively sabotaged his efforts to be better than the demon blood that tainted him was... also not new, exactly, but Sam had never expected to hear it put so bluntly in conjunction with reassurance that his powers - and, by extension, Sam himself - did not come from a source of evil.

Even more bewildering was the hypothetical child Castiel spoke of and his assertion that Sam, not Dean who had always longed to be a parent, but Sam who had barely ever had anything to do with children even when he had been one, was to be given custody of the hypothetical Nephil if Castiel was incapacitated. The way Castiel had talked about the subject made it clear that he had never had Nephilim himself, and Sam knew that the creation of Nephilim was outlawed, and yet the Angel was sitting there, calm as you please, declaring that if he did ever have a child with a human and needed another parent besides himself and, presumably, the mother, that he would pick Sam. Sam, who was uncomfortable around kids at the best of times, even if he could fake passable competence in an emergency. Sam, who wouldn't trust himself to look after a completely human baby, never mind one that had "phenomenal cosmic powers" at its disposal. Sam who, until earlier when Castiel had declared that "nothing is worth losing you", had thought that Castiel might possibly consider him a friend at best and tolerated him as a reasonably useful asset at worst. Mind-boggling just didn't cover it.

And that wasn't even touching the whole thing with Castiel sounding like he was defending the actions of his soulless self. The subject of Sam's time topside without his soul was something Dean had never hesitated shut down hard, but Castiel had sounded almost... complimentary. Which made no sense, Sam knew, because without his soul he had been a tactless jerk, not--

"Your soulless self recognized that... and quite rightly called us out on our lack of respect for you and your sacrifices."

Sam swallowed against the lump forming in his throat, and again when it refused to be dislodged. Everything he did to help people, to try and make up for the damage he had caused, it never felt like enough. All the centuries spent in the Cage with Michael and Lucifer systematically taking out their rage on him amounted to only a year and a half on Earth, and the tortures blurred together to the point where Sam had long since lost count of how many centuries it had really been, shoving it down and shoving it down, his shaky forays into meditation and reshuffling his mind only managing to build the flimsiest of fences between his conscious mind and that echoing chasm of memory and pain, bits and pieces escaping here and there to scratch along his dreams. Little reminders that he may be out, maybe, but he would never be truly free. It was a truth, cold and logical and inexorable, that Dean refused to acknowledge in either of them, touched by Hell as they both were in different ways, and neither of them coping nearly as well as they wanted the other to believe.

"Stripped of your higher empathic functions and natural moral compass that is your soul, your body behaved with logical precision not unlike how most Angels would act."

The irony of an Angel of the Lord comparing his soulless self to other Angels was not lost on Sam, nor was the way that comparison gave him mixed feelings. All the years of praying, of believing in God and His Angels, having faith that some higher power was watching out for Dean and his Dad when he couldn't, that there was real good in the world to counterbalance all the evil being shoved at him from all sides...

"Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood."

...no....

"Nothing is worth losing you."

...but why....

"Sam? Sam, did you hear me?"

"Hm?" Jolted from his contemplating, Sam shot a guilty look first at the screen - how had he missed that much of the movie?! - and then gave Castiel a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Cas. What were you saying?"

"I was asking about Marius's assertion that he is in love with Cosette, when he has only just met her and barely interacted with her at all," Castiel repeated himself after a moment of scrutiny for his friend. "It seems disingenuous, more like the 'love' of the pizza man and the babysitter."

"It's supposed to be love at first sight, Cas," Sam explained, scrubbing a hand down his face. "It's like... when two people who've never interacted before meet, and there's this... connection that forms between them, like they click on a level that is deeper than physical or emotional. A look, a touch of hands... you just know, looking at that person, that this is it. This is the one." He shrugged. "It's talked about in books and movies and stories and songs all the time as this big romantic ideal, a lot like soulmates... uh, cupid-type soulmates, not me and Dean type soulmates."

"Do you not believe in love at first sight?" Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side with that puzzled curiosity that Sam found endearingly familiar.

"I don't disbelieve in it," Sam said, choosing his words carefully. "I mean, being a hunter has taught me that every story has some root in a truth. I just don't necessarily think that it always happens the way the stories make it sound. Like maybe sometimes it's one-sided, or something gets in the way like they live too far apart or one is already married or..." Sam bit his lip before he could continue the thought with mention of angels and humans, because he knew from Castiel that most instances of humans and angels coupling were less about romance and love and more about lust and awkward power imbalances, and the last thing he wanted to bring up right now was the hypothetical Nephil again. "Besides, just because love usually happens more slowly than a couple of seconds doesn't make it any less deep or meaningful or special."

"I see," Castiel hummed, and then, "Sam? How do you know when you're in love?"

...Shit.

"Uh," Sam reached up to rub the back of his neck, only to force his hand back down again when he realised what he was doing. "It's different for everyone, Cas...."

"I am aware," and there was a definite note of impatience in the gravelled voice. "I am asking how you know when you are in love."

"Oh," Sam mumbled. He could feel his face heating up and very nearly prayed that the heat wasn't a visibly obvious blush before he stopped himself; Castiel would probably hear it if he did. "Uh, well... not to sound like a broken record, but it was different for everyone I was... I mean, I felt differently about different people, even though it's all still love."

Castiel made an encouraging noise, and when Sam chanced a look in his direction, the Angel was turned more towards him than the screen, clearly interested and wanting to hear more. Well, okay then. Sam leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes, reaching back into the depths of his memory for the times he was in love or thought he was, shying away from some of the memories like Madison or Sarah or Amelia, and focusing on the deeper ones, the ones that got under his skin and stayed there across the years, even just as scars. There was a pattern there, a set of feelings that overlapped each instance.

"Happiness," he began, because that was the obvious place to start. "When you see the person, you feel happy. Being around them, sitting next to them, holding hands, hugging... full of happiness and joy and peace. You feel happy when they're happy, sad when they're sad, hurt when they're in pain... You want to protect them, even when you know they can protect themselves. You would fight, kill, even die for them, not because they would ever ask it of you, but because losing them is... unthinkable. It's agony. And all the pain is worth it, because seeing them smile is... it's better than Heaven."

"Oh," Castiel breathed. "Yes, that... that makes so much sense now."

There was a shuffling sound, and the couch cushions dipped beneath shifting weight, and then Sam felt one of his hands being enfolded in Castiel's, the skitter of that unfamiliar Grace held tightly leashed beneath his skin tingling just at the edge of Sam's awareness. He opened his eyes and looked at Castiel, who was beaming at him now from much closer than he had been. "Cas...?"

"Sam," Castiel was still smiling, but it was warmer, softer than the brilliant joy of before, more comfortable and... "Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I was never able to explain myself adequately to my brothers, and so they frequently drew incorrect conclusions that I lacked the necessary frame of reference to refute or correct. Perhaps now I can make them understand."

"Understand?"

"That I am in love with you, Sam Winchester," Castiel squeezed Sam's hand gently. "My world started the day I took your hand. And I would not have it any other way."

"Cas... I...." He couldn't say it. He wanted to, God, did he ever want to say it back, but the words caught in his throat, too used to being choked back after so many years. "Cas...."

"I know. Sam? Will you hold me again? I enjoyed that quite a lot."

"Sure, Cas," Sam shifted, shoving the whirling of his thoughts back and away, and opened his arms. Castiel released his hand and moved closer, pressing the length of his body against Sam's. He let out a soft sigh as Sam brought his arms up to curl around Castiel, settling in a loose embrace that still managed to fully encompass the Angel's smaller physical frame. Together, they turned to watch the movie, wrapped up in each other and the mutual assurance that their feelings, spoken or not, were returned.

"Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in Heaven has in store...."

=End=

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 3: "This is a lying game. You have to be good at lying." - Michael

It’s sad bitch hours with your boy skinny penis!!!!!!!! Uhm I’m not in a good position I don’t think KSKSKSKSKSKSK Alex told me he, Caeleb, Evan, Jules, and JJ all have a 5 person alliance possibly forming,,, and if you do the math that’s 3/4 of the brigade,,,,, yk,, the one with Jules, JJ, Alex and some irrelevant bitch named ME!!!! Alex is reassuring me saying it’s all for the brigade, but I’m waiting for Jules or JJ to say something about it, or else I’m not gonna feel so good yk??? Like if it’s for the brigade then you should feel comfortable w telling me about it,, like basically all this is telling me is that I’m the most expendable member of the alliance but I die gress,,,,,, Speaking of the brigade idk how I feel about the brigade strategy ? I just feel like there are a lot of moving parts to it, and it lowkey feels like a selfish excuse to have more allies for yourself JSJDJSJSJJSSKS like,,, idk, plus I feel like there are more chances for flipping and I’m like blehhhhh. It’s dumb. Everything’s dumb. I’m dumb. I flopped in the bridge. I’m soooo dumb. Pls destroy me. I’m probs fonna throw this immunity to JJ bc WHILE I LOVE alex’s joking remark about blindsiding him at 18th, I feel like if I try and set it up for a JJ win then it’ll seem like he’s good w everyone and put a target on his back,,, idk!!! Idk. I just want some form of power. I’m hungry. Gimme gimme.

Omg me and Ali are SOOO close to the idol....!!!! unless its already been taken ugh but I was like almost there today but fell at 90 so he will prob get it which is cool better than anyone else !! altho would still be nice to have it hehe . tho knowing my idol history of wasting and being blindsided with it.. .maybe its for the best not for me to have it LOL

So its kinda awk last round I voted Noah I think most people did so now idek what to say to him ahhh . and now its a double tribal soo hopefully its just a repeat but. after this its prob a swap which is scary but I hope I atleast end up with ali or mitch or even jared, and from the other side my queen willow

omg Reuben "sandwich" Studdard, american idol season two WINNER helped me get that IDOL

We shockingly won immunity wow!! That at least saved us from going to tribal and kinda spared Noah if everyone was telling the truth to me before the results.

Then here comes double tribal and first of, it’s good we won immunity on the previous round because the double tribal is screaming a swap next and all tribes will probs be equal in og tribe member numbers. Secondly, if everyone is still in the same page then the target is still Noah.

Honestly tho, I kinda want to target Michael just cuz he threw my name out to Julia. But it’s difficult to go against the consensus even more so because of this twist.

Right now, I’m in an alliance with Jason and Julia which I’m gonna be loyal to. I’ve also got this thing going with Jared where we share information and I think he has something going with Michael? I’m also working my relationship with Ali and Benj, so I’m gonna keep them in my back pocket for now. I’m also a bit close with Mitch. That only leaves Michael and Noah as the people I haven’t really connected with. I mean did talk with Michael about academic and stuff but it’s still hard talking to him hahahaha. Talking to Noah is fine but like from what I’m getting he is the next to go, mainly because Jared and Michael were I think the ones who threw his name out among the others including to me, so it’s hard to become invested to talking to him :((

I’m trying to cover all my bases here, and not be a so oblivious on what’s happening in my tribe. Nicole G is my spirit animal!

me: I should at least try and keep this idol a secret

benj:

benj:

Me: OKAY I FOUND THE IDOL WOO

okay so.... its paranoia o'clock and julia is who the clock struck on.

"i think a couple others might put me as 1"

this is what she said when i told her i was putting her top of my list. this is freaking me out, because a) this means others think she is their top ally b) its just.... what? like... julia is obviously connected and this freaks me out.

in other news, my list for the challenge is probs gonna be this: julia > jared > ian > benj > mitch > jason > michael > noah

julia because she is my ally, jared/benj in 2nd and 4th because that is our plan, ian high because king, mitch/jason middle because kings, and then michael and noah because they are my biggest worries.

i think some shenanigans could happen with this challenge and a twist or something, i don't really know what to think. i don't think i want to win, i feel like i've already got a lot of attention from doing good in challenges, if i win this one thats going to get me even more unwanted attention.

but ya, so otherwise... benj is such a king, he is playing the kind of game (at least I think) that i always want to... just super social and nice, and like lowkey strategic. i think earlier on, i made jason my winner pick, i think he might be a lil' bit too inactive, i think i'm feeling ian or benj as a winner pick now. its defo not gonna be me, have you ever SEEN me play, i'm a whole mess.

okay so... nancy drew hat is on and i'm onto the biggest threat on our tribe. its Ian.

here is the evidence, it comes from two people who freak me out on this tribe. julia and jared.

STAGE 1: Jared sending his list (a choice...?)

This is apparently Jared's list. 1. Ian 2. Ben 3. Jason 4. Ali 5. Michael 6. Julia 7. Mitch 8. Noah

Couple of interesting things here. Jason is high, Ian is VERY high and Julia is low. Already my radar is ping-ping-pinging about Ian being high, because he has been on my radar before, he hasn't got far in games before by fluke, he is smart. Also, I've been feeling for a while (and have been talking to Benj about this), that Jared has other allies, other people he is working with (he is evidently playing multiple sides, but he is obvious so i'm not as fussed). Anyway, so Jared I've felt has been playing other angles, and now Ian is his top choice!

I think I did a smart today too. My 2nd/4th strategy. What it was, was for me/Benj/Jared to put each other 2nd and 4th on our lists, to not sabotage each others' chances of winning, but also not give away our alliance. It had two additional purposes, to allow me to put someone else 1st to build trust, and to see who they put first. Jared put Ian. which... is very interesting. very very interesting. This ties into theory #2

STAGE 2: Julia says Mitch is targeting her....

"Hello!!" - from Ian, at 00:41 "ummm mitch is throwing my name out" - from Julia, at 00:47

okay so this solidifies to me that Ian is defo playing SO smart. When I told Julia she was top of my list, she was.. notably quiet about where I am on hers. And like... i dont care jkalsfda, i don't want to win. But it means, in the very least someone else is first. So with that said, the question is a) who is top b) who told her about mitch. Now I had no idea Mitch was targetting Julia, I think its a dumb, dumb move, since his name has already been thrown out there versus Noah, so he needs to... play a whole lot smarter. But... someone obviously told Julia, and I know it wasn't me, it wasn't Benj (he likes Mitch). I am just now realising as I type this that Jared had Julia about Mitch on his list, so he couldve told her, but I am thinking it was Ian.

I was talking to Julia before her saying Mitch was targeting her. Its only when Ian came online that she knows this? I think Ian is working with everyone, playing it super super smart. I think he is playing all sides, but less blatantly than Jared.

STAGE 3: What the frick-a-frack do I do about this?

Okay so.... an important preface is that... I could be totally, totally misreading the situation. But I have felt since the start that Ian is a better player than he was letting on. But what do I do about it?  Well for starters, I need to look at numbers I know I have. Benj/Jared/Mitch I think are all in my corner, Michael/Jason I could hopefully swing, and Julia is tight with me, Noah.... Noah is tough because he trusts me but also... we like all voted him out last round so we will see what to do about that pickle. So I don't think Ian can make a move on me if he wanted to, and I can't make a move on him.

so we wait. I'm keeping Ian 3rd on my list, because I really really want to keep an eye on him, and wanna get in close. keep your friends close (benj/julia) and your enemies closer (ian). I love Ian, he is a real king, but I'm onto his winner shenanigans, and is he going to march to the end unopposed? Well...

okay hey freaks. my tribe? decided to all snort from the collective crack pile in the middle and lose their HEADS and its unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE.

first off, my cracked tin foil ian conspiracy? was CORRECT. benj also trusts ian! ian is playing EVERYONE, I'm on to him and I hope this challenge exposes him! I am ONTO YOU IAN! YOUR TRICKS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED.

in other news? budva tribe has lost their ENTIRE minds, and if we go to a double tribal with durmitor? we are going to fracture faster than you can say '18' (coincidentally also the placement i'm getting).

Here is the break down. Noah told Julia that Mitch threw her under the bus, and Noah wants to work with me & Julia. WHICH CRAP, I do not wanna work with Noah because I already voted for him. And in the grand scheme of things, having voted them out is an exceptionally poor foundation for an alliance.

If Mitch seriously threw out Julia's name to Noah, he is exceptionally foolish. WHY. he has already almost been the vote twice, he needs to just NOT AJKLDFASF. i just.... my tribe is driving me absolutely insane. Jared actually is like... back on this planet and being less scary, but Michael is off recharging in his robo-station and GONE, mitch/noah are losing their minds, Julia is leading charges and Ian is playing TOO WELL.

honeslee if its a combined tribal, budva is going to literally explode. explode.

i want to work with noah if he wants to work with me.... but i literally voted for him, how do I get back from that JKLASD. I also want to work with Mitch but he NEEDS to control his mouth, its causing problems. i just want everyone out except benj/jared/julia/jason, the other 4 can go BYEBYE.

So apparently Mitch leaked the vote to Noah and was attempting  to vote out Julia. So I talked to Ali, benj, Ian, and Noah about it and we are all voting Mitch. Depending on what happens at immunity 

(Continued) Mich and Michael were gunning for me??! RED ALERTT RED ALERT WEEEEE WOOOOOO WEEE WOOOOOOOO. Luckly I gathered the forces and we had the majority to vote Mitch. I might have managed to convince Michael to vote Mitch (maybe not? We will see tomorrow) but he doesn't trust me. Womp womp. I mean Michael was not in my immediate line of threats so I don't know why he wouldn't trust me. I guess we don't talk much but it seems like I always have to talk him, it's not reciprocal. 

Okay so it has honestly been a roller coaster.

Following Madeleine's vote I thought that I was going to be in a FABULOUS position, but that was not the case.

Most of the tribe went fucking silent on me. That round brought me to a whole new level of frustration that I can't even DESCRIBE. I was freaking out because I genuinely felt like I was just getting iced out and was going to be eliminated.

As soon as that round from Hell was over, I felt the need to act quickly and harshly to try to improve my position in the game. I took a major gamble by creating 100% false rumor (there wasn't even the slightest bit of truth to it), and took it to Julia. I told her that Mitch had been talking about targeting her to me. Now this was a huge risk because she could've sniffed me out right away, but luckily for me she's kind of nutty and bought it.

With that lie I essentially destroyed whatever alliance Julia and Mitch had. In the process I managed to A) Make Julia feel like she can really trust me to have her back, and B) Increased Mitch's already sizable target to decrease the odds of people coming after me.

I further pushed Mitch's game down the drain by stroking Jared's paranoia that Mitch is plotting against him, but in this case I was actually telling the truth because the truth could be used to my benefit.

So I really have two major goals that I would like to complete within the next 24 hours; 1) Solidify a F3 alliance with Julia & Ali. 2) Send Mitch home.

I suspect that we're going to see a tribe swap after this vote, but just in case we don't swap that soon, I'm already planting VERY subtle, small seeds in people's heads that Matthew should be the next one to go following Mitch.

Overall, the twists being thrown at us early on this season have really forced me to take a much more aggressive, offensive battle strategy. I've essentially found myself in a position where the best way for me to ensure my own survival is to jump on any opportunity to turn my tribemates against eachother.

My hope is that if there IS a tribe swap, it'll benefit me and put me in a more comfortable position where I can lower my profile a bit and stay more under the radar. Obviously it's great to make moves and have some control in the game, but I also know from experience that playing too aggressively for too long is the best way to set myself up to crash and burn.

Literally people are telling me they’re putting me first on their list ahsjdjsjs ok folks assuming y’all aren’t lying immunity could work!!

The scoop that just came in this morning is apparently Mitch is being one hot mess? Julia told us that Mitch threw her name as a target and then Jared told me Mitch leaked to Noah that he was getting wacked had we lose the puzzles challenge. Naturally this made things quite difficult because Noah was obviously the easy vote but here comes Mitch making a mess out of things.

This morning made me realize that Jared is dangerous. He is calling the shots and I won’t be surprised if he actually faked all this information about Mitch being a mess because he did wanted to go after Mitch the previous round before we all decided with Noah. My alliance with Jason and Julia better keep an eye on him. As much as dangerous Jared is, he still trusts me with information so I ain’t getting rid of him yet, contrary to what our friendly neighbourhood robot/Michael is concocting. Jason told us that Michael wants to make a move against Jared now, and uh no I don’t take orders from a robot and he would just replace Jared with himself as the so called king pin of Budva. I’m gonna relay this info of Michael targeting Jared on the wraps until the time to take out Michael presents itself because bringing my name up will get ur ass burnt!! Assuming there ain’t a swap incoming which the likelihood of a swap occurring is VERY.

Julia told me and Jason she’s already in the 60’s on the bridge and me and Jason are here in the 20’s like ok.

I’m also becoming very close with Ali and Benj. right they’re my back up if we do swap and I’m separated from Julia and Jason.

So in summary of this little rant, the targets are Mitch and Noah. Mitch is the more likely to being the one getting whacked and although I do like the guy, him being messy and with the potential of going rogue is a big liability. Although Noah can also go rouge but at least he ain’t messy!!

okay so confession time, since its looking like the vote is kind of finalising.

its looking like mitch, and he is such a king, but he also like... kind of did this to himself? i can kind of understand why he did, like he was the Plan B for both of our previous tribals (even though he was never in jeopardy), but like... particularly since i think its kind of obvious we are swapping after this double tribal, he only needed to ride out one more tribal.

but he just did so so much, like first he threw Julia under the bus to Noah and then with Michael started targeting Jared. Like that just isn't smart, like going to the person who was the other potential vote, to throw people under the bus. Noah I'm sure wants to elevate his own standing, and Mitch literally gave him the ammunition to do so?

also like Jared and Julia are maybe two of the louder personalities on our tribe? Like if he wants an easy target to divert attention off himself, Julia apparently isn't great socially, but also like.. its obvious she was going to be able to rally support for herself, as is Jared?!? Like I get Jared is a threat, he is doing a lot and very clearly at that, but a big move like this while maybe justifiable at merge, is just way too early.

so yeah, at the moment I think Mitch will go 7-2, because I could see at least one of Benj or Michael throwing him a pity vote. I really wanted to work with Mitch, but he would just do... too much, like people were mad at him for his weird feud with Madeline, and like... he just needed to take it easy.

for the swap, i'd like to swap onto a tribe with jules, because LEGEND LOVE THEM. i really hope the swap situation is not 4vs4, i want to build trust with the other tribe going into merge. I really hope Thomas doesn't make merge, he makes me SOOOOO nervous.

also idk if i ever confessed about this, but rip david robb. to reuse an emathia joke (a season he will not remember), david robb-ed.

I’m voting for Willow, and I feel awful because she’s a really sweet girl. But the brigade has to stick to its guns. Willow is the only person excluded from our brigade plan, and especially with a supposed tribe swap coming soon, we need to keep the eight of us as tight as we can be.

Sorry Willow!

so this round has been an absolute cluster fuck and im really emotionally drained because of it. mitch first of all fuck you, you stupid lying ass bitch. you wanted to throw my name under the fucking bus are you fucking kidding me you idiot??? I HAVE BETTER SOCIAL CONNECTIONS RN. I don't even want the damn thought of me leaving rn as an option like are you serious. fuck you!!!! second of all jared is now a target and i'm literally so stressed I cant think straight. but my goal to get mitch out is hopefully gonna work.

As far as the rest of the game goes, I’m kinda scared and kinda excited by the prospect of being so beloved by everyone in the game. I was talking with Alex, and apparently everyone that he’s talked to in this game has mentioned how much they love me when asked about how they feel about the tribe. While it’s a big change from being voted out 9-1 for being “Hostile and unapproachable”, it’s scary. What if that makes me a big threat? I hope not. My fate in this game most likely rests on loyalty, which isn’t a great standpoint to have in a game like survivor.

I’m mitch saying he hasn’t heard anything and Then suddenly saying he’s hearing Jared

Boi what should have been an easy vote for Noah has now become a mess of a vote and your probably gonna be the one hit in the crossfire. Assuming the people who I’ve talked to are being truthful.

Meanwhile Julia, Jason and I have more or less come to a consensus to end Mitch with Julia probably earning Michael’s supposed allegiance since I think Michael is pissed that Mitch had become messy so the robot is now prolly voting mitch and Michael is always talking with Julia?? Idk mess

On a different note, I’m really liking Ali. He’s got a great insight on the status of the game rn and he HAS A DOG!!

Wow at me doing more the 2 confessionals

Shit literally hits the fan when you’re eating breakfast yeah?

Julia crossed the idol bridge only to discover the idol has been found!! Kudos to whoever did that, I only got to 25. Right now everyone is panicking, mitch could have the idol idk Michael could have idol idk

Right now the plan needs to split the vote between Michael and Mitch. I assume none of them won immunity but the idol is still in question. The potential people to be caught in this mess of crossfire will be either mitch, Michael or Jared. It could also be me or it could also be anyone!! Who knows let’s see if I live to tell the tale!!

this vote is a mess, and... i am the cause of it KJLSADFAF.

so julia has learnt that the idol has been found, she told jared, who told... literally everyone JKNLASDFASF. but i have the idol, but people are kind of assuming either Michael or Mitch does which... works for me KLSDAF.

But of course people (especially Jared) want to split the votes. Which YIKES, the Budva tribe is dead six feet under after this for sure EEEK. Like literally... we as a tribe voted Noah OUT, and he is gonna be so comfortable after this vote he DID THAT WHAT A KING.

but yes I think Budva tribe is not going to be able to stick together long term. Like after this vote, Michael and Jared are gonna be out for blood. Noah can sense sharks in the water after last tribal. I'm also now really hoping for a swap, people want Jared out, and if we don't swap, Jared has DIRT on me and benj which could be really problematic aklsdfa.

yeah i think tonight the plan is to split the votes between michael and mitch to save jared? who people literally want OUT this is such, SUCH a mess. we are about to swap and everything is literally going to explode oh god.

in other news, i still have the idol so woo! I APOLOGISE TO MY ENTIRE TRIBE FOR WHEN YOU READ THIS, YOU WILL ALL HATE ME FOR KEEPING THIS A SECRET IM SO SO SO SORRY.

omg imagine if noah made up all that stuff mitch apparently told him and he caused all this chaos (well except for the idol, that was defo me KALSDFSA). his MIND, noah is flexing that big brain on us lesser mortals.

my game is over. jared is going and i want to vote him, but also he will just expose our alliance and idk what we do about that EEEEEEEK.

I swear this is my fucking last confessional for this round. So jared’s messy ass finally caught up to him and now me and my golden girls are flipping the script! If everything goes accordingly jared’s going?? And Noah is the only left out of the loop probs

okay i'm going to confess as much as i can, as quick as i can. the vote is now jared and benj & i have a really cracked scheme to make sure he doesn't expose us. noah is being left out of the vote. benj is voting mitch too, so it looks like jared has two votes alongside him and thus he doesn't expose me and benj?

ITS CRACKED AND A MESS. also jared going and the mess is good, it made me look like a REAL follower which is good news i think.. i was worried about looking threatening.

honeslee cut to jared winning immunity and this mess being... even messier KASLFSADF like honestly i'm just. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

also michael truly terrifies me. i'm freaking out about the vote, and he pops in being like 'hear jason out'. LIKE SIRI I KNOW YOU WANT YOUR CHUM MITCH TO STAY, but its VERY unhelpful to just pop in and make it REALLY clear i'm on the outs K;JLSDFA.

i just am so tired. Julia/Benj/Ian are the only ones I trust, Jason too kinda but he defo runs the show. Michael is just confusing and Mitch/Noah are both not gonna trust me after this vote. I'm so getting screwed over in this swap KLASDFSAF I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.