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#feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience
gayvampyr · 2 years
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“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.
#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and#‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but#often do coalign#it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma#which is very common for queer folks#it’s really not an ace-only thing#like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those#feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience#instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours#im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful#my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick#of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan#and it’s often aphobes who bought into that ‘aces are puritanical celibate straights who want ppl who have gay sex to die or think they’re#‘dirty’ or some shit. and it was literally 90% crypto-aphobes pretending to be aces to get people to adopt that into their belief system#the same way crypto-t/rfs pretend to be trans women who want to prey on the ‘innocent women’#and y’all will use those posts/screenshots as ‘evidence’ that whatever scapegoat you’ve selected is actually inherently bad/homophobic/#misogynistic/etc and not even#acknowledge the giant hole in your logic cuz you’re too busy trying to find a scapegoat#it’s the same tactics and y’all fall for it every time#text post#like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men#for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird#not showing interest in heterosexual relationships or sex is why this is so important#anyone that falls outside the scope of heterosexuality is part of this community whether you like it or not
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uncanny-tranny · 11 months
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About that thing re "trans men dont know what its like to be seen as predatory", I feel like everyone in the lgbt community generally agrees lesbians are treated as predatory by str8 women, gay men are treated as predatory by str8 men, I (as a trans man) used to think I was a lesbian and went throught life as one. Accordingly I was treated like I am predatory. I am now a gay men, and accordingly I am treated as predatory. On top of that, cis gay men treat me as predatory (scawy transes trying to get them to have sex w a vageenay boohoo) and women treat me as predatory every time I open my mouth about sharing some of their experiences (because me needing iuds at the obgyn inherently means I, as a man, inavde their man-free space). Literally all queer people are constantly treated as predatory by cishet society at large, everyone knows it and keeps saying it and is talking about it because its no secret and everyone is aware of it.
But the second the convo turns to how terfs hurt trans men? Suddenly, we have no idea what its like to be treated as predatory and suddenly the world sees trans men specifcially as helpless little girly victims.
And honestly? Even if it were the case that trans men and transmasculine* people were solely infantilized... it's still harmful. I was initially bringing up that because it's like... I guess the only narrative people want to hear about our suffering, I guess, because it's easier to digest. It's easier to look at it and write it off as, "well you're just infantilized, show me a real problem," and that's the issue - it's twofold. It is simultaneously the need to relegate the experiences of a diverse community into one box and then say, "well, it's just infantilization, who cares when [x] issue is more dangerous" afterward.
It is frustrating, at best, to not be heard. And I've found that so many people aren't just infantilized... I think a lot of queer people are, I don't think it's unique to us. However, people are almost surprised when trans men and transmasculine* people open up more, in my experience.
It's definitely more complex to include more trans experiences with transphobia and the intersections of things like rascism, homophobia, antisemitism, islamophobia, misogyny, ableism... but it is still important. In fact, it often informs in addition to how trans people are treated. Transphobia doesn't exist in a vacuum, and it often doesn't exist alone. That is why we need to have these complex discussions.
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coochiequeens · 4 months
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A birth center lost diversity points for using the term Mother.
https://archive.is/2023.11.19-103726/https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/11/18/maternity-hospital-downgraded-use-term-mother-diversity/
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The Rosie Birth Centre at Addenbrooke's Hospital CREDIT: CAMimage/Alamy Stock Photo
A maternity hospital received a low grade on a diversity assessment because staff only use the term “mother” when discussing maternity leave, The Telegraph can disclose.
The Cambridge University Hospital Trust, which manages a maternity hospital called the Rosie, lost points because staff use the term “mother” when referring to the policies it had in place regarding paid leave, instead of broadening it to include gender-neutral alternatives.
The report was carried out by the NHS’ “Rainbow Badge” scheme, which assesses hospitals based on how they treat LGBT patients.
The trust also lost points for not providing staff with guidance on what trans and non-binary employees should wear, pointing out how the trust’s “trans inclusion policy” did not provide “guidance on the dress code for trans employees, including non-binary employees.”
The report also flagged a “cause for concern” about a deluge of comments from staff criticising the trust’s inclusivity efforts for “virtue signaling” instead of providing care, including one comment which said: “We cannot waste taxpayers’ money on tokenism.”
The report said: “0 points were awarded for the Maternity Leave Policy. The policy does not have an inclusion statement to make clear that it applies to all irrespective of gender/gender of partner etc. The policy also refers to “mother” without expanding to include gender-neutral/inclusive terms and only uses he/she pronouns throughout.”
‘I just want to live my life’
One member of staff who said he was gay is cited calling the Rainbow Badge “insulting.”
They wrote: “I feel it is excessive - I just want to live my life; I don’t want to be asked; I don’t want my identity reduced to a label. I am tired of it - I just want to live my life like everyone else.”
Another said: “Rainbow badges are just performative; I would prefer all staff be properly trained and supportive to all needs, not singling out one or two.”
Another wrote: “I am gravely concerned about the influence on the NHS of organisations like Mermaids and Stonewall. I am concerned about the protection of single-sex spaces like hospital wards. 
“I am concerned that men are being allowed to self-ID into women’s protected single-sex spaces, and the serious safeguarding risk this poses. I am concerned that this is all being ignored in favor of mindless virtue signaling like this latest ‘NHS Rainbow’ scheme.”
The report recommended that hospital staff “signal” to patients that they are LGBT inclusive by introducing themselves to patients with their pronouns and putting sanitary products in all toilets.
The report, however, did praise aspects of the trust’s approach to inclusion that were already in place.
It endorsed the fact that the group tasked with hiring senior staff has to include a “Diversity Inclusion Panellist” with “lived experience of a protected characteristic” whose role is to ensure that the staff carry out hiring processes “fairly.”
It also commended how the hospitals set “inclusion-based objectives” to senior managers as part of their annual appraisal.
The “Rainbow Badge” initiative began as a physical badge launched by Evelina London’s Children’s Hospital in February 2019 that staff could wear to show they are aware of the issues LGBT people face in the NHS.
Matt Hancock supported the scheme as health secretary.
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Staff members celebrating the NHS Rainbow Badge scheme - developed by Evelina London Children's Hospital - during the 2019 Pride in London Parade in central London CREDIT: PA/Guy's and St Thomas' NHS Foundat
In 2021, the “Rainbow Badge” went from a physical symbol to a nationwide scheme that assesses hospitals based on how they treated LGBT staff by placing them on a scale between gold, silver, and bronze.
The report on the Cambridge University Hospital trust received the lowest possible grade, referred to as “initial stage,” meaning it failed to even qualify for the “bronze” award.
The scheme is commissioned by NHS England but run by trans rights groups, including Stonewall and the LGBT Foundation, who carry out the grading.
In August, it was revealed that 77 trusts have signed up for the scheme.
The Cambridge University Hospital Trust declined to comment.
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ethernetchord · 3 years
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lets talk: popular iwwv criticism
(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)
SPOILER WARNING !!
lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)
i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.
oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.
we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.
“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.
if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.
alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.
i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.
i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.
the ending was rushed and bad
believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.
yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.
“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”
to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.
the characters were flat/archetypes/etc
sigh. okay.
these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.
“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”
“for us, everything was a performance”
“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”
“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”
“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”
are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.
“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)
i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.
a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.
bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish
as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.
i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.
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“QUEER”
First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.
“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.
If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.
I am bisexual.
This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:
Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.
I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.
Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).
#1: Finding My Place
Or, not being queer enough
I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?
I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.
This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:
“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”
It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.
But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?
#2: Myths and Misconceptions
Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.
Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.
Infidelity
All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.
As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.
But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.
This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.
Other Queer Myths
The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.
This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.
#3: Erasure
Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.
Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.
Monosexuality & The Gender Binary
Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.
The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.
Bierasure
Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.
Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.
My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.
If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:
Erasure Kills
Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.
Conclusion
Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.
Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.
If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.
So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?
It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.
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blogsanscontext · 3 years
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A Closer Look at: Momoe Sawaki’s character arc; by a nonbinary (trans) viewer.
CW: Major spoilers for Wonder Egg Priority + mentions and discussion of sexual assault, transphobia, lesbophobia, self-harm; please proceed with caution.
Wonder Egg Priority came as a relatively pleasant surprise for me; I heard about it some time after the first few episodes aired, but I never actively went out of my way to ever try to watch it myself until, that is, a few days ago. I must say, I’m glad to have taken the initiative to experience such anime on my own.
With a stunning animation to accompany the heavy subjects this work touches on, I quickly fell in love with it; all the characters feel very grounded in reality, with their struggles (even someone like Neiru’s, who is a literal genius and CEO of her own company) feeling relatable in one way or another. Episode 7 became my favorite due to this very thing, Rika’s problems were things that not only have I seen in other works before, but that I know exist because of the stories told in the news every so often. It only helped, in my opinion, that they gave a character with her background such a hopeful ending.
That being said, Wonder Egg is not a perfect anime, and though I didn’t expect it to be in the first place, I do think talking about why some of the ways it handles a specific character of the main cast are problematic are worth the time. When I mentioned that “all the characters feel very grounded in reality”, I actually only meant three of them, a.k.a.: Ai, Rika and Neiru. The reason Momoe is not included in this group is what I will be discussing in the next paragraphs.
This anime lets you know, right off the bat, that it will not stray away from heavy subjects throughout the duration of its runtime; the show deals with suicidal idealization (and actual suicide as well as its aftermath; in fact, “female suicide” is at the very core of the show and is what essentially moves it forward), self-harm, sexual assault, same-sex relationships, transphobia, and being a gender noncomforming person in a society that punishes you for not adhering to the roles it has imposed on you since childhood. The last points are the ones I took issue with, however, and though they are mostly the show’s fault, they also took it upon themselves to make Momoe be at the center of all three.
See, when we are first introduced to Momoe, we can guess by context that she is a girl, however, the other characters aren’t aware of this fact yet, and so they seemingly go out of their way to call her a boy, which makes her deeply uncomfortable, and this (ie. her reaction to be treated or perceived as a boy) is a running theme throughout her arc. This, in itself, isn’t really the worst creative direction to take with a character, it’s a story that has been told time and time again, but there is a problem with the way Wonder Egg Priority specifically deals with it: Momoe is cisgender, and so far, there hasn’t been a sign of this changing whatsoever, so she will most likely remain cis until the show ends. Normally, a story about a gender noncomforming cis person wouldn’t be seen as anything out of the extraordinary, as I’ve mentioned before, but it seems that they wanted to… “innovate”, so to say, with her character. And it’s this innovation, in my opinion, that which makes Momoe’s struggles miss the mark for me.
Momoe is perceived, almost ridiculously so, as a boy by whoever even so much as stumbles upon her; her followers on Instagram most likely worship her because they’re under the impression that she’s a bishounen, and yet the show goes out of its way to deal with just how uncomfortable this makes her. This is the issue I take with her and her arc: the show has a keen awareness of AFAB people’s issues, and treats them with the respect they deserve (which is not to say some jokes at their expense aren’t made, but in general this tone is kept throughout the duration of the story), and yet the tone-deaf manner in which they deal with her issues feels… disappointing, to say the least.
Momoe’s struggles, though they are valid on their own, are not a societal issue, no matter how one may look at them; if she were a trans person (either a trans girl, boy, or nonbinary), the strong emphasis on her discomfort at being misgendered would have made so much more sense. The reason why ‘switching around’ the stereotype of a tomboy falls flat on its face is that there is no real pressure from society to present feminine, it’s what they want you to, or more accurately, force you to do if you’re perceived as being assigned female at birth; however, this is not where my issues with Momoe’s arc and character end.
At first, I imagined a variety of (albeit vague, still reasonable) reasons as to why this show couldn’t have just made Momoe be trans, and semi-understanding of this decision; that was, of course, until I watched the actual episode mostly focused on her struggles, and that’s when I got slightly mad. Being honest, I still think it was a good episode, and it definitely made Momoe seem way more sympathetic than any of her past appearances, but it also perfectly highlighted my problem with her, and subsequently, the show itself: using queer people’s actual, realistic, problems in order to push her, a cisgender character, forward.
The thing with Wonder Egg Priority is that I love how, despite all these girls literally risking their lives to save a specific person, they still seem to have conflicting feelings about them (ie. Rika’s mocking of Chiemi, Ai’s frustration towards Koito, etc.) but I also take issue with this when it comes to Momoe specifically; Haruka is very much intended to be seen as gay, yet when push comes to shove, we are supposed to be taking Momoe’s side in this conflict. We, the audience, see these events from her point of view, and are therefore made to feel, in one way or another, uncomfortable with Haruka’s attraction for her. Yes, Momoe has worked hard to bring her back to life, but the fact that she’s cis and heterosexual stands; this isn’t just exclusive to Haruka, however, but every egg she’s had to save in order to get her friend back. All of them express a clear attraction for Momoe, “despite her being a girl”, and it’s just very easy to read these attitudes as wlw-phobic, extremely so.
My biggest issue though lies within the very existence of Kaoru’s character, the trans boy she has to protect in the episode mainly focused on her; while he is an endearing and sympathetic character, and I like that despite him presenting ‘majorly female’, Momoe never misgenders him. The thing is: he’s made out to be almost a “parallel” of her own gender-related issues, and this is just a very tone-deaf statement to make; trans people fighting not to be misgendered, fighting to be called their chosen name (something Momoe, while being cis, can just freely enjoy) - trans people’s pain is very much real, which the show is aware of, but Momoe’s is very much an individual’s problem rather than the way society actually works, which Wonder Egg is seemingly unaware of, for whatever reason.
Before I arrive at my last point on why this comparison doesn’t work, I would like to quickly point out the fact that most, if not all, the eggs the girls have had to save until this point were specifically meant to be girls, in one way or another. Therefore, taking this into account, Kaoru makes me feel… a lot of things, the more time I spend thinking about it; the show acknowledges he’s a boy, though not cis of course, but still very much a boy, yet also places him in this very much ‘female’ space; no matter how I looked at it, I could find explanations both for an opinion in favor of this decision (the way a lot of trans men’s problems are defined by our patriarchal society seeing them as women) as well as some for an opinion against this decision (the fact that it could be read as the show ultimately deciding he’s ‘female-aligned’, etc.) and though I won’t be discussing this decision in-depth, I still possess that it’s an event worth examining from different lenses.
Now, onto the actual element that got me heated about Kaoru serving as a parallel to Momoe’s struggles: Kaoru was not only sexually assaulted by a man who’s always thought of him as a ‘pretty, delicate girl’, his death directly relates to the fact that he was abused and then impregnated by this man for not living up to his gross ideal of what a man and a woman are; contrast this to Momoe, who pretty much gets the treatment Kaoru would love to have: she’s pretty much right off the bat seen as a guy, she’s fawned over by women because of this fact as well, they literally call her ‘Momotaro’, etc. Taking all of this into account, it’s simply impossible for me to be okay with a comparison that ultimately decides a cisgender person’s discomfort is, in any sort of way, on equal grounds as a (might I remind you, dead) trans person’s basic human rights.
All in all, though her episode made me take a bigger liking to her character, it also served to almost perfectly highlight the very problem of her existence, as well as the “struggles” she’s intended to represent; I don’t hate Momoe in any sort of way, and though I know there must be someone somewhere who relates to her, I also think that they could’ve done something way more meaningful with her had they just made some changes that made her more realistic (as in, make her at least be LGBT rather than just cis and heterosexual); I will be patiently waiting for the finale, and who knows? Maybe something does change about her in the end, that would be even more of a pleasant surprise.
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zombiegurlmode · 3 years
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Sad that Camren Shippers are to blame. But alas, scape goats are necessary for someone to thrive
I’m not done ranting apparently. Clearly, after all of my satirical nature has come to pass, truth of the matter is, for someone who spoke so openly and highly of valuing love and honesty and all that jazz. Your words cut deeper than any knife could. And for someone who openly “claims” of being a part of the LGBT+ community, (whereas the numbers are thriving so much that more letters are added and we’re almost about to fill in the entire alphabet) we have yet to receive such a backlash coming from “supposedly” one of us. Imagine the horror right? True, perhaps your words may have been misconstrued by the public at large or twisted in some form to suit everyone’s selfish needs. I mean after all, isn’t that what camren shippers are called for - delusional AF and toxic as hell. Well, we don’t deny it and couldn’t deny the fact that yes, there are plenty of us who are quite enthusiastic to a fault. Honestly, tell me in what space or bygone era have toxic people never appeared in. Truth of the matter is, it’s how you deal with things and toxicity that affect each and everyone of us. Happiness is only a matter of possessing the right attitude. And no one, not any one, can take that away from you. Not even hardships.
There are several things I would like to personally address though. Camren shippers most likely than not have in some way or the other connected with you. We all something that we could relate to, From your internalized phobia, or from you getting to finally openly admit your own sexuality and fully embracing it wonderfully, or some other things that the others felt truly connected or as you love to so put it “resonate” with you. So don’t blame your fans if they are passionate in expressing themselves because all humans have escapism in them. And to some, perhaps, this is the only means they have some semblance of control to freely express themselves openly. No one is undermining your hardship when you were outed, or that fact that you were bullied for it, or pressured to act in a certain acceptable way so you may be deemed as socially normal “acceptable” human being, whereas all you truly deserve was love and compassion. But I would like to remind you of one very fine detail. When you were outed, camren shippers were there to support you. Because they (wasn’t here yet when it happened so I can’t include myself) understood well above and beyond that what you encountered was so horrendous. You were cheated and robbed of that one pleasure and right given to every LGBT+ member to pride on - the true nature of coming out. See the thing is, the homophobes corrupted the words coming out so much that even as LGBT+ members sometimes forget the true existence of it. it’s not about public declaration or waving the flag, or marching in rainbows, or stamping a giant sign across your forehead declaring that you’re a proud, frolicking, fun-loving, women-loving lesbian (or in any way the others identify themselves as). No! Coming out and its true nature is simply coming to terms with yourself on your own pace and leisure. So truly I am sorry that you have been cheated out of this privilege. But it wouldn’t be fair for you to lump it together with your emotions and throw it at your brethren (if you even consider us as such). Perhaps, that is not your intention. Just to be clear, I am not invaliding how you’ve felt or how you’re feeling now. No one has the power to do that to someone else - I’m referring to telling others how to feel. Yet the message we perceived is quite clear. That we, as a collective known as Camren Shippers, who “supposedly” belong to the LGBT+ community (ok, maybe not all of us. that’s too presumptive on my part) and pride on understanding your own volitions caused this very volitions to surface or in your words “manifest” in you. We are the hindrances that robbed you of your chance to have a decent flirtation towards the same sex. Ironically speaking, Camren Shippers were the ones also on the forefront of defending your honor when some boy belonging to a particular boy band along with his bandmates ridiculed and degraded your feminine existence simply because they thought they were joking around. I mean aren’t jokes like that - it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Jokes most often than not are made at the expense of others. Doesn’t make it any less right, but then again who are we to blame them for something they thought of as a joke. Let’s all face it people, we are all guilty of this act. And yet, the CS never did falter. Carrying their banners of delusions and brandishing their armors of grandeurs, all in the name sake of defending someone who is belittled for the sake of “fun and games”. Even after deliberately attacking the CS for their enthusiasm and calling it invasive, they were still there for you especially so when they saw how pressure started affecting you. They were always so attuned to you that they were the first to notice signs that you may possibly be queer or you may possibly be undergoing some form of inner conflict. They all wish you good health and as you put it in words “send their love to you” so you may never feel alone enduring all this pain. And now imagine the heartache that every shipper might or might not be going through right now. Because apparently, that same support that they have been sending you is perceived as pain and suffering from your end. How would you feel if the very thought that the love and adoration you have causes someone pain and insecurity? So far, all that you have discussed is the negativity that surrounds an apparent DEAD SHIP. Negativity? Sounds familiar right? You preach on it on numerous occasion. You even wrote a song 50FT. Maybe you should be the one to listen on your own attunement. You brought so much negativity on the topic whereas it was meant to be about your coming out. Again, sorry that you’re coming out seemed more like a burden than liberation for you. And again, I apologize that we are the reason behind it.
Just to clarify. We never undermined your suffering. We know all too well the pain that one undergoes in this journey called self discovery of one’s true sexuality. To be honest, those of us who fear coming out or being outed because of rejection, bullying, disowning, we are the lucky ones. There are some of us who undergo far more threats by simply accepting who they truly are. They fear for the safety of their family, they fear for their own safety, they fear the valid threats of rape and degradation and being treated as if you are worse than animals. There are those individuals where the very soil that they stood upon view homosexuality as ILLEGAL and violation of such law would yield severe punishments. So tell them, tell them that they don’t know the risks, the pains, the sufferings, the deteriorations of ones’ sanities, tell them that they don’t understand it because all they ever care about is Camren. Tell them that they’re only glimmer of hope on priding on someone that may have found what they yearn for is invalid. Tell them that living vicariously on your life brings so much distraught on your otherwise calm existence. Tell them that and they have been the first ones to apologize that you felt that way. Because I’ve read their posts and I’ve felt their pains. And we are sorry to cause you so much pain.
I will remind you. No one forced you to audition for xfactor in the pursuance of your dream. You even have the support of your family for your journey. And we are all grateful that you did. Otherwise, we may not even have bothered you so much. Otherwise, we may not even know that you existed. So let me remind you that the industry you belong to - spotlight is king. So don’t go complaining if your put under the it - that’s the point of the industry my dear, the limelight. I’m a purchaser, I can’t complain if my daily tasks comprise of purchasing goods. Otherwise, I have no business being a purchaser. I’m clearly in the wrong field if I felt that way. So it wouldn’t be fair to tell your fans (if you even consider us as such) to blame us for putting you under the spotlight. May I make a suggestion? Try holding a concert without the lights on next time. You do have sensitive eyes because of the lack of melanin in your eyes. We get that.
Also, you know Becky G never did mention about camren. You brought it up on your own. Just like you’ve given us “it’s camren yo!”. You did say and i quote (uh oh i’m sure going to butcher this. I failed in quoting people all the time) “i don’t really talk about it” and then preceded to have entire litany about camren and whatnot. Ok, I get it, it was part of your coming out process. Cool. Then you’ve touched upon how reading fanfics have ruined you. And made you feel like a predator. Firstly, camren fanfics are intended for shippers only. Like all mediums, they have their own specific intended audieces. For you to wander into uncharted terrains, you must have understood the risks it entails. I don’t know which ones you’ve read, but most fics from decent authors have disclaimer on them. Did you even bother reading the disclaimer? On the onset of something that made you feel awkward or uncomfortable or disturbing, you should’ve stopped on your own and never be bothered with it again. That’s the usual thing to do. If any human find something or someone repulsive, they would ceased to seek it. But it bothered you so much and made you feel like a predator then you’ve read the entirety of it (maybe i’m exaggerating, ok a good chuck of it, sounds better?) Well someone did tell me it could have been born out of curiosity. Yeah curiosity did kill the cat, you know? Unless of course you’re a masochist, then now I finally understand and I have nothing more to add.
So for my parting words, I would again extend my deepest, sincerest apology I could muster in my current sane state for being the cause and hindrance for your inner peace and wellbeing. I am not mocking you. This is just the nature I write. Troublesome, I know. But I’m being honest. If my being a fan of you, and shipping you in our own little niche, caused you so much pain and suffering then I respect your wishes. It would be foolish of me to continue pouring my support to you when all along I’m actually doing the opposite and harming you in the process. I mean what decent human being would like to inflict pain unto others. So in honor of my last words relating to your brand Lauren Jauregui or the very dead ship that apparently troubled you so much, I bid you the very best. May you flourish on your career and find inner peace and true happiness forever and always. I would not like to be a fan of any brand that I’m the apparent cause whether directly or indirectly impedes in attaining their endeavors. All the best in your album release and who knows maybe I’ll stumble upon your music again someday. 
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sunflower-stella · 4 years
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Hello there! I’ve seen a lot of posts going around, defining different terms and communities that you might come across while exploring the age regression side of tumblr. However, I’ve never seen an overall guide, so I’ve set out to make an easy-peasy guide to all the complicated terms you might encounter! This guide includes 1) Minor-Safe Age Regression Communities, 2) Kink Tags, and 3) Common ‘DNI’ Terms.
Please let me know if there’s a term I’ve missed, or a community I’ve misrepresented! This is a pretty basic introduction to a lot of complex concepts, so if you have more questions please feel free to get in touch with me.
Even if you know the basics, this guide is probably worth a scan to see if there are any terms that you haven’t seen before, and you can also fact-check my writing while you’re at it, helping out anyone else who reads this in the future.
With that said, let’s get into it!
Part One: Minor-Safe Age Regression Communities
Age Regression: The term ‘age regression’ as an umbrella term that is used to describe any experience where a person returns mentally to childhood. It can be a coping strategy to deal with stress, a reaction to trauma or mental illness, or just a natural part of someone’s life. In tags, ‘age regression’ is often shortened to ‘agere’. (Be aware: kink communities also sometimes use ‘agere’ and ‘age regression’ tags! They aren’t inherently minor-safe or non-sexual, so use caution and common sense.)
CGLRE: Stands for ‘caregiver/little regression’. Cglre is one of the oldest regression communities that exists on tumblr, as well as one of the most popular.  Cglre is controversial because it uses ‘littlespace’ terminology. (A regressor is called a ‘little’ and their caregiver is usually called ‘mommy,’ ‘daddy’ or similar parental titles.) Littlespace terms are used in cglre to describe regression, but they’re also used by kink blogs to describe submission. On the surface, this means that cglre looks similar to kink blogs, but most cglre members are very dedicated to being minor-safe, separate from kink, and discussing therapeutic, coping-related, non-sexual age regression.  
(Note: CGLRE subcommunities and tags are abundant! The tags ‘liltot,’ ‘agere society,’ ‘nsre,’ ‘dxlg,’ and others are all cglre-based communities. You can find huge lists of cglre subcommunities on this blog because there are too many to cover here!)
CHIRE: Stands for ‘child regression.’ Chire evolved as a response to cglre, as a regression community that doesn’t allow littlespace terminology, or interaction with blogs who allow it. Because of the harsh lines they draw between communities, they are also a controversial group, but many people have positive experiences with it!
Non-Comm Regression: Short for ‘non-community regression.’ Non-comm regressors don’t identify as part of cglre, chire, or any of the smaller sub-communities that exist under age regression. Often, they interact with multiple communities, as well as with other non-comm regression blogs.
Pet Regressors: Some people feel less like kids when they regress, and prefer to identify as animals! ‘petreg’ or pet regression is the word for people who regress as animals. This might be connected to otherkin identities (people who self-identify as something not human, possibly an animal or possibly something more abstract) or might just be their own way of regressing!
Age Dreaming: Age dreaming, which is sometimes shortened to ‘agedre,’ is a minor-safe community focused on recapturing childhood outside of regression. Age dreamers take comfort in childish and nostalgic things while not mentally regressing (or not fully regressing, depending on the age dreamer).
System Littles: The term ‘little’ has a different meaning when applied to someone in a system. A ‘system’ is formed from a variety of experiences, including childhood trauma and dissociative disorders, when a mind copes by developing rifts in their memory and personality, forming different people within one body as they grow older. This collection is called a system. System members may interact with age regressors for multiple reasons. Firstly, some systems have littles, which doesn’t refer to an age regressor when it’s used about a system member. A system little a system member who is a child, contained within an adult body. Some system littles find community in age regression spaces, but most prefer to keep separate from agere groups. Secondly, some system members are age regressors, or ‘age-sliders,’ which is an experience kind of like regression, but is specific to system members. So systems have all kinds of reasons to be part of the age regression community!
SFW Agere: This means ‘safe for work age regression.’ This usually means ‘non-sexual age regression’ or ‘minor-safe age regression,’ but not always! Please see the sections on ‘sfw kink’ down below.
Dual-Comm: Short for ‘dual community’. People call themselves ‘dual-comm’ regressors if they are sfw age regressors that also participate in kink communities in their adult headspace. People with sfw regression blogs might indicate that they are dual-comm regressors so that people can block them if that makes them uncomfortable, or because it is an important part of their relationship to regression, even if they don’t post about it on their regression blog.
Part Two: Kink Tags and Communities
(Note: I won’t go as deeply into kink communities because I’ve created this guide for age regressors, and want to mention kink groups mostly to raise awareness of what can’t be reblogged onto a minor-safe regression account.)
Cross-Tagging: The act of ‘cross-tagging’ is when someone tags a post with both minor-safe community tags like ‘cglre’ and kink community terms like ‘ddlg.’ This is bad because it exposes minors to kink communities, which is dangerous for everyone involved. It also might expose regressed people to sexual content, which can be triggering depending on their experience of age regression. That’s why it’s important to know which tags belong to kink communities, so you can block and avoid them if you want to have a minor-safe regression blog!
Age Play: ‘age play’ is an umbrella term for any kink dynamic in which one person consents to being treated as a child for the purpose of submission.
DDLG/CGL: Stands for ‘daddy dom/little girl’ and ‘caregiver/little,’ respectively. These are kink communities that use littlespace terminology to talk about sexual relationships. There is also ‘mdlb’ which stands for ‘mommy dom/little boy,’ and same-gender variants like ‘mdlg’ and ‘ddlb’. (If you run a minor-safe tumblr blog, it is very important to have all of these tags blocked so that you don’t accidentally reblog from an unsafe source!)
ABDL: Stands for ‘adult baby diaper lover.’ This is a kink community centered around diapers. They might also identify with the term ‘omorashi’ or use it as a tag on their posts.  
SFW Kink: Stands for ‘safe for work kink.’ This can be used to refer to non-explicit kink posts or to platonic, non-sexual kink. Either way, kink being ‘sfw’ does not mean that it is minor-friendly!
NSAP: Stands for ‘non-sexual age play,’ which is an approach to age play often (but not always) linked to coping with stress, rather than explicit sexual gratification.
(Note on non-sexual age play: There is a misconception in the age regression community that all kink is inherently sexual. Some people use age play as a coping strategy without involving sexual elements. That said, even non-sexual age play isn’t minor-safe because it is still a power-play dynamic that minors cannot (and should not) consent to. I say this because it is important to a) not cross-tag nsap with minor-safe communities and b) not bring power-play into sfw agere spaces. If you are an adult and you are more drawn to the rules and discipline of littlespace, please explore on the non-sexual kink side so that we can foster a safe space without power dynamics for minor regressors!)
Part Three: Common DNI Acronyms
Content Warning: mentions of transphobia, eating disorders, and pedophilia.
(Note: We’ve already covered a lot of the acronyms that you might see on people’s DNI in Parts One and Two. Here are some more you might see. As a general rule, if you’ve never seen the term before, it probably doesn’t apply to you, but it’s always best to Urban Dictionary an unfamiliar word!)  
DNI: Stands for ‘Do Not Interact.’ A list of communities that a person doesn’t want to interact with their content, usually for personal comfort. It is always important to read a person’s DNI and respect it. A person’s DNI can be on their post in the form of a banner/image, or in their blog description, their ‘BYF’ (Before You Follow) page, or linked in their blog description as a ‘carrd.’
TERF: Stands for ‘Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist’. TERFs are threatened by trans women in feminist spaces, and believe that womanhood is intrinsically linked to biological femininity (ie. having a womb).  
SWERF: Stands for ‘Sex-Work Exclusionary Radical Feminist.’ SWERFs believe that sex work is inherently linked to sexism and gendered violence, and that women cannot freely make the choice to engage in sex work. Some SWERFs believe that women who make this choice are encouraging sexist objectification.
Transmed/Truscum: These terms refer to someone who believes that being transgender must be linked to dysphoria and a desire to medically transition.
Anti-Mogai: The term ‘MOGAI’ stands for ‘marginalized other genders and intersex’ and refers to a community of trans/gender-nonconforming people who use very specific and personal titles to describe their gender. People who are anti-mogai are often part of the transmed community.
Ace Exclus: Short for ‘ace exclusionists,’ it means someone who believes that asexual or aromantic people shouldn’t be welcome in LGBT spaces.
REGs: stands for ‘reactionary exclusionist gatekeepers’ and is an umbrella term for all of the groups above: pretty much, anyone who ‘gatekeeps’ (limits) who gets to be part of the LGBT community.
Anti: I’m not sure what this is actually short for, but I always think of it as ‘anti-ship’. An ‘anti’ is someone who believes people shouldn’t be engaging with problematic media and ships (such as racist media, pedophilic ships, and fanfiction that romanticizes abuse).
Anti-Anti: An anti-anti is someone who doesn’t agree with the above people.
Endogenic Systems/Anti-Endogenic Systems: There’s big debate about whether it’s possible to have a system (see ‘system littles’ in section one) that isn’t formed in response to trauma. The term ‘traumagenic system’ refers to a system created by childhood trauma. ‘Endogenic system’ means a system that is not related to trauma.
Pro-Ana/Thinspo: Stands for ‘pro-anorexia’ and ‘thin inspiration,’ respectively. This is a community based on the encouragement and romanticization of eating disorders. Understandably triggering to a lot of people!
MAP: Stands for ‘Minor Attracted Person,’ which is another word for pedophile (adult attracted to children). Tumblr has an unfortunate community of pedophiles who choose not to seek treatment, and take pride in their identity. They use a miscellany of titles, which is important for people to research and block for safety, especially in age regression circles where there are a lot of vulnerable minors. (Note: If you experience persistent attraction to minors, please talk to a professional about it.This is not your fault but it is your responsibility.)
Littlespace: Some people list ‘littlespace’ or ‘non-system littles’ in their DNI to block kink blogs that use littlespace terminology, as well as CGLRE and related communities that use the same terms. These people aren’t always insinuating that the two groups are the same, but rather that those words make them uncomfortable. So it’s important to respect that if you use littlespace terminology on your regression blog!
18+: This confuses people all the time. Ninety-nine percent of the time, if a person has ‘DNI if 18+’ on their post, they mean don’t interact if you run a minor-unsafe, 18+ only blog, not ‘if you are over the age of eighteen’. (That said, there is a one-percent chance that they actually mean that it’s a minors-only post, so do check if you’re unsure!)
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Congratulations if you’ve made it all the way to the end of this guide! I don’t expect you to remember everything you’ve read, but this guide will be here if you ever want to come back to it to check on a new and confusing term. I’ve spent years being confused by all of these different labels, and there are new ones coming out all the time, so don’t worry about screwing up every once in a while! We can only do our best, and correct ourselves politely when we make a mistake. I hope you have an awesome day, and I’ll see you around in our chaotic little virtual neighbourhood!
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Clarity in the Cancellation Crusade
After posting multi-paragraph comments on a couple different things that have popped up in my feed recently, it seemed like I should probably just sit down and write this out.
“Cancel culture.” Crazy shit, right?
The recent onslaught of cancellations includes Mr. Potato Head, Pepe Le Pew, a handful of Disney movies (Peter Pan, Dumbo, The Aristocats), and *audible gasp* Dr. Seuss. The Muppets also got a newfangled Disney+ content warning, though I’ve seen significantly fewer headlines about that.
The thing that inevitably happens when the news media decides to publish a headline about a children’s toy or book being “canceled” is a veritable parade of social media complaints about how sensitive people have become. I saw this particular post over 10 times in the period of a couple hours one day last week…
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The question I’ve been asking recently when I see posts like that is this: “Who do you think cancel culture is?”
Because “cancel culture” isn’t real. In the majority of the cases currently making headlines, the choice to remove a character from a movie or stop publishing a book has been made by the company responsible for that character or book… and that is very much a normal thing companies can choose to do.
No one I’ve posed the above question to has overtly mentioned “Libtards,” but it’s certainly implied. People who haven’t read a Dr. Seuss book in 20 years are now suddenly all up in arms (literally?) because “the Liberals” are coming for “And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.”
The Liberals are not coming for Dr. Seuss. They do not care about a potato toy. Also, nothing is happening to the Cat in the Hat. I repeat: NOTHING is happening to the Cat in the Hat.
The choices to stop publishing that book and to market a vegetable toy in a less gendered way were made by the companies responsible for producing those products… not the Liberal “cancel culture” ghoul. In fact, it’s really, really hard to find public outcry about any of the things that have been recently “canceled.” There was a single NYT article that recently discussed the problematic nature of the Pepe Le Pew cartoons… that said, Warner Bros hasn’t aired that show in decades and it is not clear whether that article had anything to do with the skunk’s scene being removed from the new Space Jam movie.
Even growing up I remember things like political correctness needlessly becoming a partisan issue. When we fall into that media trap, all we’re doing is watering the plant of an already poisonous and ineffective two-party system. Be bigger than that temptation. Push back against media intended to further divide Americans. If something stinks, it’s probably rotten. Sure, there are certain topics that fall under the umbrella of political correctness that sound alarm bells for censorship issues… but didn’t everyone’s mom tell them that if they didn’t have anything nice to say, they shouldn’t say anything at all?
Again, though, the most important thing to remember about this recent wave of “canceling” is that censorship concerns are moot. A person who owns a thing is legally allowed to do all the censoring they want. It’s not the government that has decided to stop publishing 6 books written by Dr. Seuss… if it were, we could have the censorship conversation. These changes aren’t happening because there is a Democrat in the White House. They’re happening because the company who makes these products, has for whatever reason, decided to take a different approach.
In the case of the Dr. Seuss books, Dr. Seuss Enterprises re-evaluated their choice to publish 6 books based on racist themes and images. I have only heard of two of those six. The image below is, in my opinion, objectively problematic:
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The fact that a major company behind such a well-known name has seen that something is problematic and has decided to stop publishing the books containing overt racist images is awesome. It sets a great example that we can all learn from. Humans have an amazing capacity to learn… that’s one of the only reasons we are in charge here on Earth. If we fall on ice once, we are often more careful on ice the next time. When we see that something is racially problematic, it’s a good thing if we can take action to get that thing out of rotation. More on that later.
Fundamentally, what is happening right now in Media Land is gross sensationalism.
“Cancel culture” isn’t real. Should people face consequences if they say or do racist things? Yes. We should all agree on that. Should we stop publishing books that perpetuate racist stereotypes? Yes. There are plenty of non-racist books that provide an education about racial differences without the added (exceedingly inappropriate) zing of Asian characters being painted yellow and African characters being given monkey features.
If you’re not convinced that some of Dr. Seuss’s material is racially problematic, I encourage you to pop on over to Google to check out the series of ads he did for FLIT in the 1930s. Yes, it was the 1930s. In the last 90 years, we’ve learned that images like that are not okay… let’s use that knowledge to let old racist graphics die.
Still can’t accept that “cancel culture” isn’t real? Still feeling like there’s something in the air now that is different and worse than before?
Okay, then, let’s consider it further.
Things have been “canceled” by people for millennia… this isn’t new. Being all for cancel culture when Colin Kaepernick kneels for the anthem (a perfectly legal form of peaceful protest considered respectful by many veterans) but opposing cancel culture when it’s threatening to eliminate an obviously racist thing is not exactly a moral stance. Burning your Nikes in the street but then turning around and spending $400 on a copy of “If I Ran the Zoo” on eBay after Dr. Seuss’s own family has pulled it from publication due to racist imagery is… silly.
The same people who seem to be so vocal about “cancel culture” now are part of the same communities who tried to cancel plenty of things in my lifetime. Things like trick-or-treating, Harry Potter, school dances, books and movies with LGBT+ characters and themes…
History absolutely bubbles over with things that have been canceled… often for good reason! Some examples that come to mind: 
DDT
the Catholic Church (see the 16th century Protestant Reformation)
doing our everyday poopin’ in outdoor holes
polio
hoop skirts
phrenology (new science cancels old science like every damn day)
Ford Pintos (not to mention cars without seatbelts)
telegrams and rotary phones (replaced by easier and better ways to communicate)
lead paint
asbestos
Four Loco
Y’all remember when we all did the ice bucket challenge to cancel Alzheimer’s?
Learning that something is problematic and moving past it is LEARNING… not cancel culture.  Learning and growth are good things. We all benefit from them.
Another thing worth commenting on from that Cat in the Hat post that circulated in my Facebook feed: why do we consistently demonize sensitivity? Racism feels like something we should all be sensitive about. If being sensitive about something results in meaningful change and a less hateful country, isn’t that… good? Why do so many Americans seem to place so much value on their “freedom” to hurt others?
And don’t get me started on comparing this stuff to Cardi B. It boggles my mind that that’s happening at all. Why is there suddenly so much outcry about one song that features female genitals in a literal ocean of songs that feature male genitals. I grew up knowing every word to songs about sex well before I even knew what sex was. Your kids are only desperate to listen to WAP because they know it makes you squeamish. And take a second to think about why it makes you squeamish. Genitals are human and scientific and we literally all have them. If you have more of a problem with WAP than with any of the other 10,000 songs about dicks and sex, you need to spend some time examining why that is.
Here’s another post I’ve seen bouncing around the social media feeds:
Tumblr media
Something about this is just plain hilarious to me. Like what are racism and rape culture if not THE REALEST issues? This country’s problem with systemic racism runs so, so deep and is reflected very plainly in centuries of cold, hard numbers. It’s not that I *think* systemic racism is a problem. The data very clearly shows that regardless of what white people think about race in this country, systemic racism absolutely IS a problem. Racism and rape culture, arguably at the root of the most recent canceling spree, are not just real issues, they’re real American issues. They’re cultural issues. And solving cultural issues is not easy. We know that these issues have been passed down through the generations so maybe changing children’s toys and books and shows isn’t such a bad thing to try. There is SO much work to do to address racism and rape culture in the United States, but small steps are still progress.
If choosing to stop airing a show that blatantly perpetuates rape culture means one less young person is stalked or assaulted or raped, that’s worth it, no? What if that one young person who doesn’t become a victim is your daughter?
If choosing to stop publishing a book with racist themes and images leads to even one kid understanding more about the nuance of race in America and the breath-taking extent of white privilege, that’s worth it too.
Would I rather the media spend time and money to bring American attention to bigger issues associated with this nation’s racism and rape culture? 100%. There are ENORMOUS fish to fry. Dr. Seuss is not an enormous fish. Potato head toys are not enormous fish. Pepe Le Pew is not an enormous fish. They’re not even big fish. They’re small. They’re tiny fish. They’re anchovies. But frying some fish is better than frying no fish.
Canceling Pepe Le Pew is not hurting anyone. Warner Brothers owns Pepe Le Pew. Warner Brothers owns nearly everything; they are not hurting for money. And canceling Pepe certainly isn’t hurting American kids. There are plenty of other kids’ shows to watch that are significantly less problematic. Just because you watched Pepe Le Pew and went on to be a properly respectful adult doesn’t mean there aren’t other kids out there who did internalize a harmful disrespect for consent. No, Pepe Le Pew probably isn’t single-handedly responsible for anyone’s decision to stalk or rape anyone else. But could a show reinforce the groundwork that ultimately leads a kid down a path where he is unable or unwilling to respect the boundaries of others? I mean, it’s not the craziest thing I’ve heard this week.
Canceling six total Dr. Seuss books that are already pretty obscure is not hurting anyone.
Changing the name of an already genderless potato toy to reflect that genderless-ness is not hurting anyone.
A brief recap: racism and rape culture are very real, very American issues.
If the decision to stop doing a thing doesn’t hurt anyone and may even save someone some hurt, why does that decision bother you?
Also, in all your frantic Facebook posting, make sure you are differentiating between “cancel culture” and consequences. When the media tosses around the phrase “cancel culture” it has this tone of finality that is, plainly, not realistic. Fads and trends move so quickly in the internet age that the idea that a group of people could “cancel” something permanently is just not possible. People who do or say racist things, though, should face consequences. People who do or say transphobic or homophobic things should face consequences. Consequences are one of the only ways we learn to do better. And again, that’s not my opinion, it’s science.
One of the consequences that can have the most impact is, you guessed it, losing money! In this capitalist hellscape, money talks. Boycotting and choosing how we spend our money are some of the most engaging ways to combat racist and homophobic garbage. When you have your temper tantrum because the company who owns a book with overtly racist imagery decides to stop publishing that book, that speaks volumes about your priorities. If you respond to that company’s decision by buying the book in question on eBay for $400, that speaks even louder volumes. What are you doing? WHY are you doing it? I’m guessing you don’t even know, and you should probably spend some time thinking about it before you flush away a chunk of your stimmy on a freaking RACIST KIDS’ BOOK.
All actions have consequences. All of our choices never affect just us. How we vote affects other people. How we spend our money affects other people. Spending our money on things that are problematic perpetuates the problem… whether it be racism, rape culture, homophobia, or transphobia… or so many other things this country desperately needs to address.
It’s human to not like change. Change is going to happen, though, regardless of whether or not we’re comfortable with it. In the information age, we have a remarkable opportunity to steer that change. Leaving behind racist relics is change, so it may be inherently uncomfortable. But change that moves our country away from racism and rape culture is GOOD change.
I am begging you. Use critical thinking… if you’re seeing a headline about something being canceled, look up WHY. Some of these headlines are absolute bunk… they’re shared just to get people all riled up and create American division. However, just like we *should* cancel lead paint, a children’s book with overtly racist images shouldn’t be published anymore and it’s weird if you disagree with that. Disagreeing with that decision, as silly as it may seem, perpetuates racism. I know how triggered y’all can get when someone suggests you might be perpetuating racism, but it is what it is. Do your research. Don’t spend your money on racist garbage. Be better.
I feel like this post is me just barking the exact same thing in different ways, but I also feel like there is so much more I could say.
I’ll leave you with this:
What will it take for Americans to weigh the threats of racism and homophobia the same way we weight the threat of lead paint? If it’s a matter of costing lives, well, the numbers speak for themselves.
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ex-terfs · 5 years
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I’m curious about how you were introduced to trans exclusionary ideology, and when you realized how toxic it truly is. I’m genuinely curious.
Hello! Sorry for the hiatus.So this is my story & long rant post.I've been among TERFs/Radfems (AKA the Conservative side of "feminism") since 2015. In mid-2016 — with the dangers of having Trump as President — I started getting critical of everything going on in the community, deleted older posts, & stopped reblogging "trans-critical" stuff. In 2017 — after seeing TERFs celebrating that the 'Everyday Feminism' site was facing a financial crisis & after paying more attention at what our "enemies" were trying to say — I unfollowed all the bullies, & eventually started to despise seeing "trans-critical" stuff. Their hatred towards the "big scary Libfems" is what made me rethink my priorities.
Many parts of their ideology had peculiarly attracted my attention back in 2015. As a GNC person who celebrates gender nonconformity, their gender abolition theories seemed very interesting (& I later found out how bigoted they are towards GNC men & GNC people with different identities/pronouns). When I was a sex-repulsed person, their porn-critical & sex-negative theories also seemed very interesting to me (I later found out how bigoted they are towards sex-repulsed people — upholding heteronormativity & saying things like "Haha, nobody loves you", "If you're a man/bisexual/lesbian, you must perform oral sex on your gf"; but still, I'm NO longer in the sex-negative/SWERF community). People sending them death threats was also one of the reasons why I had joined their movement.
It always begins like this. Step 1: you begin exploring anti-kink/anti-porn stuff; Step 2: you begin exploring anti-"MOGAI" stuff; Final step: you turn into a transphobe. That's how I got into this mess.
Second-wave theories originally had a critical focus on the social construction of gender & sexuality, monogamy, submission/masochism, natalism, the family structure, the fear of nonconformity, emotional/economic dependency, religion, & violence.As a feminist, yeah, I still agree with most of these analyses. I love reading academic books. But there was something different about terf/radfem tumblr. & this is all I've noticed over the years.
TERFs treat their word like holy truth.
TERFs use Right-wing "sources" to back up their transphobic & sex-negative arguments (& often associate themselves with conservative groups).
TERFs claim that all men are "biologically/physically the same".
TERFs contradict themselves all the time: claim that sex-repulsed AroAces are "usual straights", mock people who just want to remain single, & at the same time still say that if you don't want to have sex with men, then "you're a lesbian"; they say that people don't owe you sex, & at the same time say it's "not okay" for men to sexually reject a woman for "bad reasons".
TERFs claim that lesbians who are anti-TERF or who don't believe in the "born-this-way" theory are "fake lesbians".
TERFs are against the idea of removing your secondary sexual characteristics; & if an AMAB person doesn't like their "secondary sexual characteristics", then they must be a "delusional fetishist" (srsly I identify as a woman, but I still wish I could remove my uterus & have a breast reduction surgery; & it's not for sexist reasons! Shocking, I know!).
TERFs claim that men can't be raped/abused by women (not all TERFs believe this, but I still see them quietly following the ones who do).
TERFs have definitely never read a book with a different perspective/purpose, yet they will act like total experts on any subject (TERFs act like they're experts on Postmodernism & Queer Theory, but they have no idea what these theories are actually about. These theories are both very complex & don't have only one definition! Shocking, I know!).
TERFs will assume you're a trans woman if you don't disclose you're actually AFAB (& they could still have doubts).
TERFs are very manipulative & use brainwashing tactics. If you're AFAB & anti-TERF, they will say it's because of your "internalized misogyny" & will try to guilt-trip you. Because how dare someone has a different opinion! If you're AFAB & proudly calls yourself 'genderfluid' or 'non-binary', TERFs will get offended.
TERFs claim that asexuality only exists "because of the prevalence of porn" (Aces & sex-repulsed people would still be here even if porn didn't exist! Shocking, I know!).
TERFs claim that men who call themselves 'feminist' are "all predators".
TERFs would rather include transphobic men in their spaces than "those evil libfems" (those women are enemies).
TERFs claim that radical feminism is the "only true feminism", & that all second-wave feminists were "radfems".
TERFs claim that GNC men are "fetishizing" femininity (but according to TERF logic, masculine men are not fetishizing masculinity).
TERFs are extremely bigoted towards sex workers, polyamorous people, people who don't want commitment, people who are sexually experimenting or who are promiscuous (which is also one of the reasons why I left the sex-negative community; their views on sex/lust/love are similar to the Christian conservative perspective).
I can definitely assure you I still very well remember most of their URLs & blog content. There are many TERFs who hide behind aesthetic blogs, & use subtle TERF language & comforting rhetoric — which you might not even notice if you don't know much about their specific type of language & tactics (e.g. complaining about the "neoliberal postmodern identities" & about people "erasing females"). This type of TERF also may follow a bunch of (trans-inclusive) anti-'MOGAI' & anti-kink blogs. If you're trans-inclusive & TERFs follow you, it's likely because your blog content doesn't make them uncomfortable.
Their blatant transphobia is absurd & paranoiac, & they don't hide it. Anyone who disagrees with them gets called a "handmaiden", "lesbophobe", "male", "genderist", "liberal", "libfem", "special snowflake" (I no longer consider myself a radical leftist, but I don't consider myself a centrist either). TERFs call trans women as a group "fetishists", "delusional", "mentally ill", "sociopaths", "narcissists", "pedophiles", "necrophiles", "incels", "genderfucks" + slurs like "tr*nny", "troon", "tr0n", "transes". They say that the trans movement is "coercing children to transition" & "forcing lesbians to have sex with penis". It's pure fear-mongering. Their views on trans men are also contradictory — there are times they claim that trans men are "straight girls who are trans just bc they read fanfiction & watch gay porn", & there are times they claim that trans men are "brainwashed butch lesbians" (Pick a side!).
I live in a very religious Latin American country. The majority of the population here is not educated on gender/sexuality issues. I got the chance of educating myself better only after I've learned English. And then some terfs had the gall to say "academic fields such as Gender & LGBT Studies & philosophy are oppressive & pretentious". In a country like mine with a dark history of military dictatorships, censorship & anti-intellectualism, being leftist means protecting the social sciences in education & freedom of the press.
So yes, I left the terf community bc unlike them, I think for myself & I hate bullying (i was in fact heavily bullied for years in school, & only bullying victims know how it truly feels like). My terf blog is now inactive; I had 1000+ followers. I'm a very quiet person irl & online; I was never vocal about my real opinions bc I don't like getting into heated discussions & I didn't want to be featured on that gross radfem-gossip blog.I was very transphobic back then. & now it's quite possible terfs will say to me "You were never one of us". I followed & liked their blogs, just like they followed mine. I was loyal & obedient. Now not anymore.
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scotfem · 3 years
Text
Ooooh my god. Read the whole thing it's mind boggling and written by a TRA that doesn't actually know what oppression is
Last month, Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon posted a heartfelt video statement online. 
She said that she would make a stance to address transphobia in her party, outlining that it ‘is wrong and we must treat it with the zero tolerance we treat racism or homophobia.’
I – like many other Scottish National Party members who left in January – watched in tears.
Yet, I fear that Sturgeon’s words have come too late to undo the SNP’s slide into becoming one of the most concerning hubs of transphobia in Scotland.
When I, a non-binary person, joined the SNP In February 2019, the party felt like a beacon of hope. Scotland had a great LGBTQ+ equalities rating, and Nicola herself, as a life-long feminist and LGBTQ+ ally, was a role model I held in deep respect.
But at just three months in, I felt first-hand the party’s disregard for the safety and wellbeing of trans people.
After I appeared in a short social media video for the SNP’s official student wing, I became the focus of a disproportionately large hate campaign launched by anti-trans activists online. They pored over screenshots of my body shared over Mumsnet, mocking my features, which they found unfeminine.
As I watched the party fail to act as the same activists who attacked me sent thank you cards to SNP politicians like Joanna Cherry for her opposition to trans rights, I never took it upon myself to report what had happened. I was aware of other complaints that had received no response.
That was until I came to a crisis point in 2020 when I was subjected to coordinated, planned abuse by anti-trans activists at a branch meeting I had been invited to.
The leaked branch meeting minutes were seen by The Herald describing, ‘At one point photocopies of men taken from the internet were passed with the comments that they had all been convicted of predatory and paedophilic behaviour against women and girls while self-identifying as women’. 
In shock at their actions, I did not look at them all but one picture stood out to me, of a well-known UK trans public figure. 
This trans woman had experienced abuse online for her appearance not fitting the patriarchal ideal of what ‘woman’ looks like. Yet they compared her to convicted rapists and paedophiles, just for being who she is.
I couldn’t help but compare it to what happened to me over the SNP Student video; the sheer disgust at our bodies – objects to be ridiculed. 
As the night went on that room devolved into a den of transphobia. The minutes detail that anti-trans activists ‘shouted comments of men getting access to women/girls in toilets and changing rooms and raping them and the infiltration of LGBT information in primary schools encouraging children to identify as gay or trans.’
I was too scared to say anything although the branch executive apologised for these activists’ actions and ushered me to safety; it took me three months to summon up the courage to talk publicly about it.
And my fear was justified. Six months after I formally complained, nothing was done. I felt hurt and betrayed when I did not receive the support I should have been able to expect.
I emailed the new National Secretary Stewart Stevenson MSP, setting my intention to leave unless an update on my complaint was provided within two weeks.
He said nothing. And so, I left.
The sad part is many other instances go unreported due to the survivors being too scared to come forward out of fear of harassment. I was not the first trans person to come forward about being abused in the SNP.
Emma Cuthbertson, the former convenor for the party’s official LGBTQ+ wing, said she sent ‘at least 21 complaints’ outlining instances of transphobic abuse she received from other party members to SNP HQ, the national secretary and even Sturgeon herself. She said no one responded and subsequently left to join the Scottish Greens.
The rumbles of bigotry and party inaction came to a crescendo on Tuesday January 26, the day before Holocaust Memorial Day, as prominent SNP MP Joanna Cherry appeared to defend an anti-trans activist whose Twitter account has been suspended for violating its ‘hateful conduct’ policy. 
Cherry tweeted claiming that ‘Twitter moderation policies are a violation of #FreeSpeech & your hateful conduct policy does not protect women…As a Member of Parliament I’m calling you out on your sexism & your #HumanRights violations’, which was to me insinuating that sexism led to the account being banned rather than acknowledging the discriminatory remarks aimed at trans and Jewish people.
Last week, the SNP had a reshuffle and dropped Cherry from the front bench – Anne McLaughlin MP has been appointed instead as the party’s spokeswoman on justice and immigration.
Recently, Justice Minister Humza Yousaf submitted highly controversial proposals to the Hate Crime Bill, which seems to enshrine in law the demand of anti-trans activists to be exempt from hate crime regulations when criticising trans people’s identities.
This accumulation of stories shared over social media, to significant outrage, meant it was understandable that a sliver of recognition from Sturgeon in her video was enough to make mytears start.
Watching her was like having two years of fear and silence finally be put into words. I cried out of pain, mourning and exhaustion because I feel this has come too late to heal the harm done to trans people both inside and outwith the party.
At this time, I don’t think the SNP support trans people on our road to an equal and inclusive independent Scotland at all. Trans healthcare was already at crisis levels prior to the Covid-19 pandemic.
Now, waiting times are at such severe levels that some trans people wait up tothree years just for their first appointment at a Gender Identity Clinic.  
Trans women are experiencing an epidemic of Intimate Partner Violence, including domestic and sexual abuse from their partners.
I’ve watched as close friends’ lives have been ruined by these problems, but they seem of little interest to a party in which the mere mention of trans rights acts as a lightning rod for amplifying transphobia, and distracts from the mission of independence. Trans people are tired of having to ‘wheesht for Indy’ (‘wheest’ meaning hush).
It’s a horrible situation. Young people joined the SNP out of hope for a new Scotland and now many are regretting that decision.
Sturgeon has promised change and I believe her to be an ally but until change happens, I cannot see the SNP as a safe space for already marginalised trans people.
The onus is on all of our allies to pressure the SNP leadership to launch an independent, external review of its transphobic culture, with a focus on many ignored instances of discrimination and abuse, before a generation of its activists are lost.
‘We hope our efforts will reaffirm the status of the SNP as great supporters of the LGBT+ movement. The door remains open for Teddy, other trans people and trans allies, should they wish to re-join the party at any time.’
Joanna Cherry QC MP said: ‘I am not aware of anyone in the SNP who wants to undermine the rights of Trans people. As a lesbian, a feminist and a veteran of the struggles for equality I believe that everyone deserves equal protection under the law and I am very proud of the fact that in Scotland we have very good rights-based protections for Trans people. 
‘There is currently a debate about changing the Gender Recognition Act in Scotland. Some people have advocated for a policy of self-identification of gender. In response Women have raised legitimate concerns about the impact on their sex-based rights enshrined under the Equalities Act. It is concerning that in this area it is difficult to express a viewpoint without being labelled a transphobe. The Scottish Government’s proposed amendment to the draft Hate Crime bill was designed to ensure that people who wish to discuss women’s sex-based rights would be protected from charges of transphobic hate crime.  Without such protections Scotland will end up in breach of Article 10 ECHR which protects the right of free speech.‘
-End of article-
You read that right folx, this idiot is actually saying that women being able to congregate and speak about issues that affect us is hate speech and wants it to be enshrined in law. The trans movement couldn't be any more anti-woman if they tried
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wrong-shaped · 6 years
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something that’s become a meme in terf circles is “pattern recognition” and how we should all recognize “patterns” a trans women as male abusers. i can write this off personally as pseudo-intellectual posturing with no basis in any coherently articulated theory about anything, because it is, but that doesn’t make me feel any less anxious about how potentially effective that type of rhetoric is so i will.. try to explain what i think is effective about it, and hopefully undermine it to whatever extent i can.
the way that the point is generally put is basically, you are all pretending that trans women aren’t really male predators and abusers, and hiding behind phony theories about how to think so would be transmisogynist or to buy into stereotypes of trans women as perverts, but if you just look around you’ll see that actually, no, trans women are dangerous sexual predators. not all of them, but enough of them that they shouldn’t be trusted not to be any more than men. “how many trans women have to be outed before we all collectively recognize a pattern at play?” is the big rhetorical question.
aaand, it’s not meant to be answered. the answer is, there have already been so many that you’d have to be fucking naive to think that the pattern isn’t evident! the answer to the rhetorical question is a monolithic rhetorical plenitude of trans women who have used bogus libfem queer theory to “break through the cotton ceiling” and it doesn’t matter how many exactly.. just a fucking lot of them!
so what if we uh, actually fucking try and answer that question. how about twenty? thirty? a hundred? i mean if we go back and look at the past few years of lgbt/trans/feminist/whatever social media there have been probably about a couple dozen cases of relatively prominent trans women being outed as being sexual predators of one sort or another, that is true, it would be pointless to deny that and it can basically be empirically checked so whatever. and so like, that’s a high number right. so many! clearly enough to establish a pattern. well.. is it?
the thing about talking about pattern recognition is that, well, like anything to do with cognition or epistemology or whatever, it requires a lot of thinking. like a lot a lot. more than people regularly do on fucking tumblr. i’m not going to pretend i’m an expert in the field, but rather say i “know enough to know i don’t know very much at all.” i know that the way we detect patterns is pretty fucking context-dependent and subject to all sorts of things related to the way that general cognition is structured, like affective biases and prejudices, assumptions about the boundaries of reality and about what kinds of meaningful entities exist. in other words.. no you certainly cannot just “recognize a pattern” without a lot of critical evaluation lol.
so like, back to the semi-regular social media shitstorm wherein some trans woman who is somewhat prominent gets outed as a sexual predator. we can all acknowledge that this happens a few times a year, i think. or maybe not idk, but it’s something i personally cross paths with on about a monthly basis. i’m not talking about the “prisoner gets sex change and gets moved to womens prison” type stories, specifically trans women in “activist” circles who write or post a lot about transmisogyny, and end up outed for some serious sexual impropriety. more often than not there is to some degree of a defense of her behaviour, or rather a denial that accusations are true because they seem to resemble transmisogynistic stereotypes and therefore simply cannot be true. more often than not she loses credibility as the accusations gain it, occasionally the accusations turn out to be actually kind of horseshit, sometimes to a greater or lesser degree she continues to leverage a “following” who believe her to be some sort of martyr to transmisogyny, but most of the time she just ends up getting pushed out of the community in disagrace because she’s a fucking sexual predator, it’s pretty ritualized at this point.
so, pattern right? this happens way too often to be a coincidence, we have to stop pretending the theory of “““transmisogyny”““ is real or that trans women are anything other than testosterone crazed males and a very real threat to females. lol. the problem with all of this, is that there are a lot more patterns than just, trans woman abuses innocent cis women/trans men/whatever afabs happen to be available to her in her position. [as a side note in my experience most trans woman abusers most commonly abuse.. other trans women, not directly relevant but yeah].
as huge as the number of instances seems on a gut level (hence, “how can you possibly denny it?”), it’s not as statistically significant as it “seems” affectively. there are a lot of trans women out there. not as many as there are stars in the sky, but still a lot. there are a lot of trans women with blogs, trans women who do activism, trans women who talk about misogyny/transmisogyny/whatever, trans women who write theory and have followings. seriously enough that a dozen a year [that number’s arbitrary but i’m going with it so yeah] being outed as sexual abusers is not the most statistically significant thing in the world. my own little mental test for these sorts of things is, how does this compare to the statistics for traffic fatalities. like the sheer number of people who die gruesomely in car accidents is high as fuck, but as a statistic it doesn’t move us to get rid of cars or fear for our lives every time we pull on to the highway. it’s just not actionable in that way. and uh, i’m not going to claim anything super empirically valid here, but based on my own observations of trans women being outed as abusers in different contexts, and how this seems to play out statistically, i wouldn’t say it is either.
so. why’s the argument effective then? well, none of this shit is about statistical anlysis lol. it’s totally gut level. and when it feels like “it keeps happening” then it feels like a crisis. a crisis that needs to be fixed. by getting trans women the hell out of women’s spaces, communities, discussions, etc. same way that whole websites list every conceivable criminal offence by a trans women (or a man who may or may not wear women’s clothes, or whatever), where it’s not about any kind of analysis of what’s actually happening, it’s about how many mug shots you can load on a web page, it’s about what i described before as the monolithic rhetorical plenitude. what it’s about, it the sense of a lot. and i’m sorry but if you truly believe that’s sufficient to actually ground decisions about anything let alone about the nature of lgbt politics, you are fucking dumb.
as a kind of personal aside i will just say - i know a lot of trans women. i’m not going to say anything categorical about people or about myself or my experiences, but i will say that of the relatively large number of trans women i know, no one is a sexual predator as far as i know. i know a lot of people who have been vicitimized in one way or another sexually who are trans women, however. and like, i can honestly say i’ve witnessed a lot of emotional abusive, maladaptive coping, manipualtive behaviour, etc. from trans women, towards each other and towards non-trans women but like.. that is very fundamentally different at every level from being “men” or existing in the kind of dynamic that men exist in towards women in terms of sexual violence. like if you’re a cis woman who follows a few trans women on tumblr, i can pretty confidently say that i know more about the dynamics that exist for trans women than you do, because i am one and i exist in this space in one way or another, and i get a picture that’s more “authentic” (i hate that word but yeah) than you whether you’ve decided that trans women are perfect angels uwu or evil predators based on shit you’ve half-encountered in lgbt “discourse”.
anyway, i mentioned earlier “more patterns” so i uh should probably elaborate on that. i am not going to name any names, but suffice it to say this is about a thing that’s happened in the last few days as of this post being written where a trans woman got media attention for calling out a celebrity for saying dumb transmisogynist shit, was seen briefly as some shining light for activism, was called out for sexual abuse, and then the whole thing turned into a social media Thing. this is of course a unique case as anything is, but it does seem to have a discernible resemblance to some others, so yeah.
what i will say most disturbed me about the whole ordeal is how easy it was for the person in question to just completely dismiss accusations by essentially stating “i am a trans woman, these accusations are false because they sound vaguely like transmisogynistic stereotypes and terfs are saying them.” like it’s such a fucking unhealthy dynamic when that can actually work to some degree. and for the record, i am constantly tempted to post petty shit about like Trans Woman Social Media and just the level of intellectual dishonesty and theoretical indiscipline that’s totally pervasive, not because i think it’s horrible in and of itself but because, seriously, it’s fucking derealizing and it leads to a bizarre fucking situation where instead of just discussing things as though they are real and people have any kind of autonomy or responsibility or place in any sort of meaningful social system, they are just part of some narrative mythology.
and like that happens with the “discourse” around transmisogyny. but it’s not because the concept of transmisogyny is bad, or because the idea that trans women are unfairly stereotyped as sexual deviants is bad, or because the idea that trans women deserve to be “included” or treated in good faith in whatever sense is bad. it’s because the standard of application for all these ideas isn’t very rigorous, and people within this community (by which i mean pretty much everyone lgbt) have a lot of emotional issues that make their judgment fucking poor. it’s because there are trans women who see a theoretical concept that they can manipulate to make themselves absolute victims and incapable of abusing other people, and hide behind it because they’re charismatic or whatever. that, more than anything, is the pattern that i see. and if there’s one thing that will not fix that pattern it is sewing more paranoia and hatred than is absolutely necessary.
all of which leads me to, what exactly is the point of all this “pattern recognition” shit? well as i said the intention seems to be to inspire people to reframe the way they think about trans women from a paradigm of theorizing about transmisogyny to seeing trans women as inherently male in some sense and, per the pattern, inherently threatening to byologycal fembales. that is why, when terfs write callouts about the aformentioned trans woman, they don’t just say, this person, bad, no good, they specifically make a point to say “it’s not just this person, it’s all of these people.” hence “pattern recognition”.
what i will say about most callout posts i’ve seen is there’s a certain sense of.. grief? about them. people don’t want to marginalize someone they thought of as a friend or someone worthy of synmpathy or they admire or whatever, but they know that some kind of harm reduction has to happen if that person’s behaviour compromises others in some way. i flat-out don’t get that sense from terf calliuts of trans women. it’s schadenfreude, nothing more nothing less. i mean, doing a bit of a thought experiment, we know (and terfs certainly know) that a trans woman can easily leverage the sense that accusations against her are a “terf conspiracy” into some kind of support, so wouldn’t a harm reduction approach sort of discourage interspersing callout posts with boilerplate terf rhetoric that would in all likelihood make it easier for a person to deny the accusations as terf hate?
but in the case of all the terf posts i’ve seen about the particular trans woman in question (and about any given trans woman) they’re blatantly not “really” about bringing down that particular trans woman, they’re about the pattern. what’s important isn’t that the lgbt community be made aware of an individual predator’s behaviour, or even that the broader and more nuanced issues that promote dysfunctional and even predatory or abusive behaviour within the community be addressed, but rather that the “pattern” be fed into. what is ultimately most important is that cis women be made more and more paranoid about trans women, so that any meaningful community that does form and does have meaningful practices and discussions around abuse exclude trans women from the get-go, insofar as trans women are of course inherently not capable of participating without threatening real women’s safety.
i don’t really know how to finish this other than to say, trans women are trans women, we exist and will continue to exist in one sense or another, and i think we deserve to be a part of communities and be treated with good faith and have our experiences and needs and desires taken seriously. there is going to be some awkwardness in that but it’s workable. if you really don’t think it is, you are a terf, and you are a coward whose praxis is centered around giving hollow intellectual legitimacy to ignorant prejudices and keeping trans women cordoned off in the most abjected and dysfunctional zone of existence because you don’t have the empathy or imagination to see us as a part of your community, and you’re too fucking weak to actually hate men so you fucking take it out on us. stop it. jesus.
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trickstarbrave · 3 years
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I see some of my old posts abt this getting likes still so I did feel the need for whatever reason to post an update or rather restatement to my views on the topic
I know this is a horribly tired topic that was discoursed to hell and then left behind and for good reason so as a warning: ace discourse below
First and foremost I’m not in the business of telling ppl wholesale they don’t belong in the community. The vast majority of ace ppl are also other various lgbt identies and trying to “remove” people from the community is not a thing I’d ever advocate for nor have I really ever as far as I can remember. If I have in bad faith I would like to extend an apology bc I have bad memories problems and think those actions are wrong and harmful. If the consensus is ace ppl are lgbt then I’m not here to say everyone else is wrong and I’m the authority on lgbt identities. We are a coalition group, a mashing of communities w sometimes shared histories and experiences. Even if I think ace and aro ppl don’t have as many of those in common I don’t get to decide if they are or not. They are now and I’m more focused on making that work
Still though since it’s inception the ace community has not been a very healthy one. As at best a newer addition to the lgbt community being brought to light and given a label and community, the community has been toxic. Much of the foundational moments for identity were from the AVEN forums and a lot of harmful misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, and ableist things were said on their and supported. This kind of behavior has continued well into the community even today.
This is not a moral judgment on asexuals or aromamtics. I’m aromantic. I was also subjected to these things. I always felt alienated from the community. Even when trying to engage behavior was half the time welcoming and understanding and half the time felt very hostile. I point this out because again: many asexuals and aromantics are other lgbt identies and this rhetoric is very harmful. It’s alienating. It makes you feel guiltier at times. Furthermore at times the community pressured ppl who did not have absolutely any desire for sex in any capacity to be okay with it, as though they were on the same level as people who liked and enjoyed sexual acts removed from sexual attraction to people. Sometimes it encouraged harassing people for saying having sex was a vital part of relationships for them and they felt incompatable with someone who was repulsed by sex and didn’t feel abstaining for a hypothetical ace partner would be healthy for either of them. Even more alarming was qpp’s, really originating from the aro community, spreading and simply being a tool for a while in many circles to coerce people into relationships who otherwise wouldn’t be okay with polyamory or were underaged. I’ve seen so much harm and been subjecting to it that I did have to (and still want to but avoid it for stress reasons) point this out. Even more alarming was during the discourse era seeing big name ace bloggers with large underaged followings bring on self admitted pedophiles to their blogs, and refusing to apologize when said pedophile admitted to sexually harassing minors. Lies were spread to demonize lesbians especially, and to a degree gay men as well, including that we steal funding we don’t need
As well (currently) the lgbt community hasn’t had the best resources to provide a good environment for ace and aro issues, and the ace community has not made it a priority in many spheres to curate those spaces either. As an aro sexual abuse victim there were many times I didn’t want to see public displays of affection or hear abt sexuality of any kind at times (despite not being ace) and I knew asking for those to cease in lgbt spaces would be harmful and come across as bigoted. Lgbt spaces are places to express your comfort in your identity and your relationships in the way cishet ppl can whenever they want to in society. Seeking out spaces without that just meant retreating and being alone. A curated space for aro and ace ppl would have removed tension I know many people have had and still do experience by providing refuge for sex and romance repulsed ace and aro ppl
I felt more boundaries would be beneficial, as while trans people are no doubt a part of the lgbt community (regardless of how many trabsphobes say we don’t belong), trans specific areas and communities still exist. Trans spaces where trans experiences are centered are a priority. The ace community regardless needs better spaces for ace people besides social media and Internet forums. It needs structure and accountability. It needs to unlearn harmful practices and bigotry that have run rampant for their own members’ sake, not for the sake of outside people to see validity in it.
And for a while, people who were otherwise cisgendered, heteroromantic and asexual would speak out in lgbt spaces about trans and gay issues because this is the “same community”. Cis gay men have no authority on lesbian, bi, or trans issues. Cis lesbians have no authority on gay men’s, bi, or trans issues. Cis heterosexual trans ppl shouldn’t talk abt lgbp issues w authority. Cishet ace and aro ppl shouldn’t talk those either. A lot of the hostility and early discourse was abt that, about those bloggers who very quickly left the discussions and website entirely in some cases, speaking about issues that shouldn’t concern them. About homophobia and how it should be treated or tolerated, using slurs they had no right using, and more. Even more alienating was ppl saying a character was ace rather than gay, and when pointed out they could be both it resulted in backlash as trying to take away ace representation, and then real human survivors of sexual abuse who were dead were framed as ace icons and ace representation while framing their discussions of their reactions to sexual abuse as “the ace experience”. Lies spread that ace conversion therapy was a thing and that doctors were going to hold you down and feed you medicine to make you want to have sex, terrifying many young bloggers on this website who genuinely believed and lived in fear of this happening until they were told it was misinformation and lies.
(Yes you can be sexually assaulted for being ace, yes victims of sexual abuse can as a result ID as ace or aro, that’s not what I’m arguing against in case somehow someone finds a way )
But from the other side I’ve seen and spoken out against people who just said bigoted things. Claiming there were too many gender and sexuality identities. I think the split attraction model is limited to ace and aro ppl to explain our identities more coherently and misapplying it to others only servers in the end to stigmatize various sexualities, but this went beyond that. For many people “grey” and “demi” modifiers are useful. I’m grey aro. My romantic feelings are complicated and inconsistent enough I think it’s not average. Sure to a degree “anyone” could be demi or aro and many ppl in the ace community have misattributed those modified identities to ppl who didn’t even fully explore how they felt, but they are not worthless. I can count to you how many times I’ve felt genuine romantic attraction, and I do not fully understand the intricacies of romantic attraction, nor the differences at time between platonic feelings in practice. I was mocked for my identity several times and saw people with identities like mine mocked. This was not a discussion of it these identities were harmful like claiming disassociating during sex was a normal sexual identity. At worst they are unnecessary.
I’ve been always more invested abt having a better community for ace and aro ppl bc that’s what I ultimately wanted. No, they didn’t have the messy intertwined history of other lgbt identities but also they didn’t have to be. Lgbt or not there wasn’t a space for ace and aro ppl I thought was really healthy. It was either they existed there in a group with other people with their issues being talked about or not at all. Ace pride colors were based on the at times toxic forum website AVEN. The aro community was often overlooked by ace ppl or at times actively thrown under the bus.
And lies and misinformation was still spread. Pieces of history incoherently being co-opted and misappropriated to seem legitimate. And to top it all off ace and aro specific oppression was incoherently discussed to. How different forms of oppression work together and often feed into each other or take new shapes was ignored. Studies were extremely limited in scope, loaded, and mostly inconclusive. Facets of misogyny and even homophobia were framed as ace exclusive and unique experiences, and people lied about real life discrimination for being ace (usually these were young people like the 15 y/o who claimed to have two gay dads who kicked her out for being ace, so I won’t dwell on those as much. Tumblr has been a weird website). Discussions of race especially were riddled w terrible behavior from white ace bloggers who resorted to lying, shaming, and guilt tripping. All this only serves to fan the flames and drive a wedge between communities even tho inclusionists claimed it was all evil exclusionists doing while refusing to call out the misinformation and bigotry they often spread. There was no purpose in harassing bloggers of color, no purpose in terrifying children so they lived in fear of medical professionals and most ppl, and no excuse.
Hopefully moving on from this it will truly die away, but I hope people learn from it. This wasn’t just as some ppl frame it cis gay and lesbian bloggers starting a harassment campaign to try and kick aces out on a large scale. This was a messy discussion that was years brewing until it exploded in even more vitriol, misinformation, and rage. It became an opportunity to critique an (albeit in comparison young) community for harmful behavior that was going unchecked and lead to even further bigotry, misinformation, and alienation. And the bigotry and misinformation didn’t serve a purpose and little understanding of what ace and aro people needed besides information and education to the public, which was already taking place before this, was had. And ultimately I expected more from the community at large.
To ace and aro followers and readers: I’ve seen some ugly parts of the community but I don’t necessarily demand you answer for that behavior, unless you’re personally guilt of it. I don’t say this because I have a mission to prove you’re bad. I think the community is toxic, but it will ultimately not get better unless ppl who are dedicated to it are willing to help find what resources ppl need, provide it, and refuse to encourage or call out shitty behavior. And ultimately that will come from a place of love and desire to create an environment future generations will feel welcomed in. I just don’t want other ace and aro kids being lied to about what they’ll experience, subjected to homophobia and transphobia of many colors, and at times groomed by adults. And I don’t want it based around just social media where anyone can lie abt credentials and act like an expert to further any of those horrible goals, even unintentionally
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