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#felt sick that i did
kazehita · 5 months
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I have accepted that I'm never going to render this thing
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kyonshi-8610 · 4 months
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bisexual coworkers who are not vibing with you
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icewindandboringhorror · 11 months
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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al-luviec · 2 months
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I got so insanely mad while drawing this
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+ closeup and normalness
#alek art#zane julien#previous master of ice#ninjago#lego ninjago#2024#aka the scene i wish we got in snake jaguar ...#zane is like 30 here#im mostly thinking about dr juliens perspective on this night. we have very little to go off of but he was very weirded out#random very sick old man shows up at your door and takes an “interest” in your son. he isnt even over for an entire day. with him comes col#he was striken with winter and something about him felt off. he leaves without a word. after his arrival your son begins acting weird.#then another old man arrives. asking for your son. wonder what happened there#for anything about passing on powers or losing them its always some big event... hm#i think the previous master really did need shetler. we know he was old and died shortly after the power giving. i dont know what about#zane caught his eye. i do think its very interesting that this man of few words was so obviously fascinated that dr julien noticed.#dr julien isnt the most socially aware and in the little bit he said about the previous master... he sounded concerned#imagine weirding out the weirdest man alive#i think zane caught on too. he felt eyes on him the entire night. they ate dinner with the man.. gave him shelter... but he felt he wanted#more. sometime that day he gave zane the power of ice. which effectively changed the course of his entire life. zane and dr julien hadnt a#clue what happened. 'yesterday a man arrived' so not even within a day did he see zane and decide that he was the one#thinking about how zane acting like his self now is 'strange' and was out of the ordinary. what was he like before? how do you even pass a#power down. we see people get their powers stolen and its always a spectacle and its so exhausting and so on. how did dr julien not see#anything. there was no questions? he just noticed the previous master found his son interesting and then he left ?#goddddd im insane i wanna write a fic about zane pre series
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leciraofthewilderness · 5 months
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So, despite some faults, I really enjoyed totk, and on its anniversary I want to say something about it. Other people have said similar things before but it’s really important to me and actually a big part of why the story of totk was meaningful to me, so I want to also say it:
Zelda needed to come back from draconification. The story needed that. It wasn’t lazy and just ignoring “consequences” because (imo) that was the *point*
The point is to feel like there are going to be terrible consequences and then say actually, no. You can come back from this, with the help of other people.
To me at least, that was the theme of the whole story.
If botw was about how the world goes on past loss and grief and starts to heal (how flowers grow in the ruins and the world can be beautiful again, be worth saving, even if it has changed)…then totk was about a more personal kind of healing.
The weight of the world should not be on your shoulders alone…you, alone, should not have to fix everything…you should not have to sacrifice yourself, but when you do, someone will be there to save you from it.
This turned into a really long ramble so:
You (Link) gained so much and now it’s gone. It feels like you’re back to where you started and yet you know you have to do it all again…you were weak and you failed and you’re weaker now…but
You go down to the surface. Monsters swarm across it once again. Other people are fighting them too though. You help, but it’s not just you…
You go to the Rito, the Gorons, the Zora, the Gerudo…just like with the divine beasts, there are friends who help you save each region. But this time, part of them comes along with you when you leave. It’s nice, you realize, the first time one of them protects you from a monster you weren’t prepared for. You’re still weaker than you were before, but someone has your back…
When you go up to the sky you see a strange new dragon there. There’s something about them that feels familiar. You try not to think about it.
You go down to the depths too. It’s terrifying at first. You hate it. You only want to get what you came for and get out of the dark….but slowly, the light grows. You get stronger. The dark feels like a challenge you can face (and someone has your back).
There are spirits down there. You don’t know when they’re from, but some part of you wonders…are these all the people you let die in the Calamity? (You help them find rest from their wandering. The weight on your shoulders feels a little less heavy).
There’s so much gloom. The first few times the sky turns red and hands chase you (a reminder of what you’ve lost, how you failed) you just run. Eventually though, you have to fight. It feels like the (second) worst day of your life again. But you manage to get free of the grasping gloom and stand and fight, as wild and desperate as it is. Beneath the manifestation of your worst fears, there’s another thing to fight, but this time it has a face (a voice in the back of your head says…you know this isn’t all on you and your failure…it’s really Ganon’s fault right?). You get through it.
At every turn in your travels, it seems like something reminds you of Zelda. Her passion, her curiosity, her kindness. You miss her.
At first, the tears you find reassure you. She may be in the past, but she’s safe. She’ll come back somehow…but then you hear the word draconification for the first time. You want to believe she wouldn’t do it but you know her and the fear sits cold inside you. (Zelda is a lot of things. She’s been allowed to be more of them, since she was freed from her hundred year battle, without her father holding her back. But deep down inside her, there’s a vein of self-sacrifice that still runs strong. It’s what saved the world before, after all).
She did it. She really did it. She’s gone from you (from Hyrule) forever, and it’s all your fault. If only you hadn’t failed so utterly in the battle (you can hardly even call it that) under the castle. If only you’d caught her. If only you hadn’t let the sword break. You should have protected her you should have been better it’s all your fault and now she has to live with the consequences, forever. Everything really is on you, you should have been better.
(Zelda POV: you couldn’t call upon Hylia’s power in time, you were too content to let it wither and fade away from you, ready to be free of it. You shouldn’t have. He got hurt, the sword got hurt, it’s your fault…Sonia and Rauru help you channel it again, Sonia helps you learn how to turn back time…but you don’t save her. She dies because you couldn’t save her. Rauru dies not long after. There is no one left to guide you, once again. You could spend years trying to figure it out on your own. But you did that last time. It didn’t work. Self-sacrifice, stepping in front of someone you love, that worked. (You do what you can, to call upon the sages, to help Link in the future, first). And then you swallow the stone. You’ve come a long way, in the past five years, allowing yourself to exist. But in the end, self-sacrifice worked last time. It’ll work this time too.)
You (Link) go down beneath the castle. You were supposed to bring the sages but you didn’t. It’s nice, for someone to have your back. But no one else should get hurt to fix your mistakes.
They follow you anyway. They fight with you, against the hordes, against the greatest enemies you defeated together, along the way. They’ll have your back, even if you don’t think you deserve it.
You fight Ganondorf, and then the demon king, in the hardest battle of your life. You think it’s over and then the demon king decides it’s better to lose himself completely than let you win. You’re exhausted and afraid of yet another battle, but up there in the sky, when you’re falling, the Light Dragon catches you (you wonder why she changed her path to catch you, you wonder if there’s still something of Zelda left in there to save). With her help, you win.
And then you’re in some other realm. The spirits of Sonia and Rauru are there. You remember how the two of them and Zelda channeled such incredible power together. You think about Recall. Turning something back to the memory of what it was before, like Sonia said. You stand with them and you allow yourself to hope. Maybe the Light Dragon can remember the form she took so long ago, the person that she was.
And then you’re falling, and Zelda is falling, but this time you catch her. You catch her. She’s back home with you, finally, finally.
And maybe, one mistake doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes, someone else can stand with you, and it’ll all turn out alright. (You can put the weight of the world on your shoulders, you can sacrifice yourself, but someone will be there to catch you, someone will be there to pull you back to yourself, when all is said and done).
#loz#tears of the kingdom#Link#Zelda#I will say also that I think part of the reason totk is special to me is very personal#like when it came out I was still struggling with the worst burnout of my life#I had had a few months of exhaustion between January and March and in May that exhaustion was still sticking to me#it was hard to get out of bed hard to do anything I felt so tired that I almost felt sick but I wasn’t sick#and the thing is Zelda games are my biggest special interest#and having a new one to play like genuinely I’m not joking it gave me bsck so much energy#I was doing really badly but when totk came out I played it for an entire weekend straight basically#and like my mom came to visit me and help me out with basic life stuff#and like sit with me while I played just like enjoying being together#and that was really nice#over that summer and the fall after I started getting to know someone I work with better#largely over conversations about totk at first#and they’ve become a good friend#(and become someone that I feel safe to be fully myself around)#and so I just have this really strong personal connection to totk#like I will not claim to be impartial about it#there are definitely criticisms that I can acknowledge#in particular I don’t like that they un-amputeed Link let Link be disabled#and also ganondorf’s characterization was shallow and one dimensional#and I’m sure there’s other things I could think of#but the overall narrative#including Zelda becoming the light dragon and then turning back in the end#I really like that#it felt like a narrative of healing to me#and playing it at the time that I did felt really healing to me too
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luxrayz64 · 7 months
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like we were so fucking robbed of seeing perez in the wake of saw vs events I want to see her getting out of the hospital and flipping tables and pointing a gun in ericksons face after being told that strahm is the lead suspect. I want to see her having a breakdown after strahms fingerprints come back dead. I want to see her hand twitching over her gun everytime she sees hoffman. I want to see her fucking losing it and desperate to avenge her friend and partner and to clear his name. I want to see the thought process that lead to her inviting known serial killer mark hoffman to the basement lab just so she could torture him psychologically before she had a legitimate excuse to shoot him. I want to see more of her and I want to see how strahms death impacted her the way the reverse impacted him.
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roychewtoy · 1 year
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lynn-tged-posting · 21 hours
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wait, let me get this straight. a protagonist, that has blue as a main color, wields a sword for his weapon, has red by his eyes, has a killer sacrificial streak, and has an alt timeline counterpart that lost everyone he ever loved.
are we talking about leo ninja turtle or javier estate knight
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...
... an alt timeline counterpart that lost everyone he ever loved...
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textless!
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"in what world/context would leonardo ninja turtle ever meet javier asrahan" genuinely? i could not tell you. portal shenanigans or something on leo's end i guess... he does get lost for quite a while according to the farewell comic, maybe this is one of the places he ends up. somehow...
javier has no idea what or who this turtle-creature-person is, but he can speak and seems friendly so it's probably fine. javier also has no clue what the heck a "phone" is, how to "take a selfie", or how to "skateboard", but the person - who claims to be named "neon leon" - seems to be very genuinely happy to be showing javier these things so playing along can't hurt, right?
"do you have pizza here? does fantasy europe know about pizza? what about pineapples?" the turtle muses, swiping away at that "phone" of his. javier is reminded of the many times lloyd would throw strange, new terms into their conversations. distantly, fondly, he wonders if it'd be worth asking the noble about all these new things he's learned from leon today.
(later, lloyd is finishing up a blueprint at his desk when his knight approaches, lost in thought, and asks,
"sir, do you know how to make a 'pizza'?"
"... javier. where the hell did you learn that."
"a turtle mentioned it. he visited the estate today."
"a what?")
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rabbit-rays · 7 months
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i wouldn't wish our lives on those children.
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thedreadvampy · 4 months
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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ef-1 · 13 days
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️‍🩹
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marblerose-rue · 2 years
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click for better quality!
whaddaya think makes tracks like that? / needletail and violetpaw
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majokothesmol · 7 months
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Kieran: Yeah, I studied all the time, hardly ate, and actually got sick because of it...
Me, an idiot college student who did exactly that: THAT'S NOT GOOD, YA DINGUS!
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southernreaches · 2 months
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im literally so sick to death of finding out the person who was telling my friends im into incest with zero proof to make them block me, while telling everyone i accused them of being a pedo to make them block me, literally posted on their blog my fucking name saying if youre friends with fray block me, AND allowed people who dislike me already to misgender me to them without correcting their pronoun usage despite previously being my friend and knowing my pronouns, is constantly posting i am the victim woe is me i isolated myself and no one likes me anymore posts and saying theyre leaving tumblr to come back 5 hours later fucking weekly or straight up remaking over and over, all because you cannot fucking apologise for the shit you did, not even just to me but multiple people you wronged, OFC PEOPLE DONT LIKE YOU youre a chronic fucking liar who runs away when you get caught in your lies, WHOS COOL WITH MISGENDERING TRANS FOLKS IF YOU DONT LIKE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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laniidae-passerine · 3 months
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obsessed with how, even now, people are scrambling amongst all the contradictory evidence to find the good guy in all of this, as if it’s not antithetical to the story being told. there is not a ‘good’ one amongst them. all of them are fragments of trauma and fury and kindness and hope and pity and love bundled together to make the shape of men. if you are looking for a good man, a kind man, a brave victim, a valiant survivor, then you have to turn to another tale. for you will not find one in this room full of monsters.
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waywardstation · 5 months
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WIP FRIDAY
I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.
BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!
I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.
The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.
Enjoy!!
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“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”
“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.
“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”
Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.
Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”
Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.
“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”
“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.
“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.
Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.
“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.
It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.
“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”
The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.
“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.
#ref for fic#BE AWARE THIS IS DISCUSSING INTENTIONAL BUT UNWILLING STARVATION#tw starvation#just in case#cause I know not everyone vibes with this story#and I’ll say it’s been weird myself returning to these segments I wrote months ago and re-reading them#AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL I talk about a personal situation sort of dealing with this below#a lot has happened in the timeframe of originally writing this and coming back to this#at the end of fall I got very very sick and it lasted well into February#I unwillingly shed thirty-five pounds because I could not eat#and I didn’t notice at all until I stopped and realized just how tight I had to make my work belt#even when family members pointed it out during the holidays when they’d hug me#it wasn’t until someone got very concerned and did something about it that I realized just how bad it was#I’m sure people remember when I mentioned I had gastritis#that’s what all this was I just never really went into detail about how bad it truely was here#so coming back and reading this segment specifically#having written it months before I went through any of this#felt really really weird and a little uncomfortable#I edited Akari’s accusations a little to fit my situation more about a month back#because I did not realize just how much more stuff like this would make you want to sleep#at least in my experience#but it’s been very very just#strange I guess coming back to this#it doesn’t make me want to not work on HFBE anymore it just feels very weird
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