#findmeandgivemeahug

[tmelon-2]

Fifteen

Is that weird age where you want to work but most jobs don’t want you or won’t hire until your sixteen. It’s that age where you know in a year you’ll be able to drive somewhat and still the year is going by so slow. It’s six years to little and Fifteen years too much.

Teen years are years too awkward and too consuming.

Im depressed and it’s not that depression where watching funny youtubers and quirky movies and listening to relatable songs fix it or make it better.

It’s hollow, it’s all consuming, it’s disgusting. It’s not knowing when it will end or how it will end. It’s feeling like you haven’t made any progress and everything triggers some reaction in you. It’s feeling like every question can only be answered with “I don’t know” because I really don’t know. How much is too much or where I’m going. When will it stop?

Sometimes I wish for just once I could stop thinking.

The other day I was walking to school and my mind was in the clouds thinking about I don’t know let’s say something relatable. And it just snapped how without even thinking I WALKED STRAIGHT TO SCHOOL. It’s so sad to know that my brain has it engraved where to go how to get there. It’s doesn’t question and I haven’t questioned it until this month.

I personally hate hugs but right now all I want is for a stranger to hug me and tell me everything will be okay and then leave. Because right now that’s all I need. It’s all I want even if it’s a lie. So everytime I look at myself or someone looks at me at least I can say I’m okay.