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#finished this sketch i started a week or so ago bc i watched the ending again w a friend and cried as usual bc it always gets me
ladybugboots · 1 year
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dailydegurechaff · 1 year
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Hand over your YS fic/fic recs
I feel like I may end up disappointing u anon, chances are probably high that my recommendations list won't be all that different from any of the many other lists out there;; but also. if you're asking, well... I will take whatever excuse to just start chattering, whether it be about others' fics or my own. This is probably going to be a long post, I’m so sorry ^^; For everyone’s sake, I’ll put it under a cut
OK SO, this list is literally all over the place, these aren’t really in any particular order and I confess that for a few of them I actually read them a while ago/I don’t remember some very well. I just went through my Ao3 history and pulled the links for the ones I remembered enjoying. I’m gonna try my best to not spoil them and keep it brief so I don’t rant on and on. ALSO. Probably most of these are unfinished, sorry about that rip ;;
We Are Each Our Own Devil by victoria_kay Alright, this one first and foremost. This one literally lives rent free in my head. Do NOT let me get started on this one I am capable of talking about it for paragraphs upon paragraphs. It was the first YS fic I read, it also happens to be the first instance of me ever using Ao3's download button. I have to say, I usually prefer genfic over romance but this is one of my exceptions bc the writing is That Good. Tanya & Lergen are easily top favorite characters for me and here they are!! Interacting!!! We love to see it. Slowly watching them grow and sdfghjdfgh. I've read this fic in full more than once and now that I have it downloaded I frequently go back and reread some of my favorite parts. god. ok ok. time to move on.
A Young Girl's Guerrilla War by Ragnarthesemigreen Long fic, Code Geass crossover. I literally did not remember most of Code Geass when i read it, but I still thoroughly enjoyed this fic. I marathoned this fic over the course of like a week maybe(?) over a month or so ago so specific details are a bit lost but i remember loving it. I wanna reread it again soon.
A Young Woman's Political Record by jacobk You cannot have a Youjo Senki fic rec list without this one. I don’t actually use spacebattles, but I finally went on there recently to see what the hype was about. This is another one I marathoned over the course of a few days simply bc i could not stop reading, so suffice to say it did live up to my expectations.
A Young Girl's Weaponization of the Mythos by Zahariel_Scholar AAA I love mythos aus so much. I made fan art for this one actually. It’s great writing, the author switches it up between epistolary style writing and character POVs which is really fun structurally. It’s an ongoing fic so its nice to have something to tune into on a regular basis
War Record of Young Girl and Boy by Fey_Storyteller An OC/Self Insert fic!! I know these kinds of things aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I love them. A retelling of YS featuring Tanya with a fellow isekai-er (? That is not a word. I cannot think of the correct word. Whatever) ALSO. It features art too!
Crushing on a Devil by TanJaded Yet ANOTHER one I marathoned. Again, usually I stick to genfic, but this is one of my exceptions. Mark my words, this one is getting fan art one day, I swear by it. I have sketches laying around in my files SOMEWHERE I just need to get to finding and finishing them.
TanJaded actually has lots of good fics!! I confess I haven’t read all of them but I will list a few more off the top of my head that I specifically remember liking. By no means is this it tho, check out their full ficography
The Dangers of Magical Combat by TanJaded We love some angst
Deliver My Heart (and not just my Mail) by TanJaded this one was just so cute <3 ;u;
Not Televised by TanJaded The ~vibes~ on this one. Impeccable. Im looking forward to where this one might go
Mage×Family by SwissChocolatess Spy×Family Crossover. Tanya is adopted alongside Anya into the Forger family
The Meditations of a Young Woman by FallQM A Legend of Korra Crossover
A Young Woman's Alchemy by CheshireTwilight A Full Metal Alchemist Crossover
Tanya Degurechaff and the Philosopher Stone by Half_Baked_Cat (demonbunny3po) A Harry Potter Crossover
(edit: removed a fic from here bc the latest update seems a bit... well it makes me dubious about where its gonna go from this point forward so I dont think its something I want to recommend anymore)
Tanya's Wings (and all that they imply) by Anonymous Hydra!Tanya au. It’s so cute, angry little baby dragon Tanya omg ;; I wanna make fanart for this one eventually, I’ll get there one day.
The Pixie of the Hidden Leaf by Dakion Naruto Crossover. Actually, I don’t know anything about Naruto (theres a guy with a frog, right? Dattebayo?), but despite this I’m having fun reading this one. Another one that’s currently updating so its fun to tune in
Rising Heroine Tanya by BrettFire A BNHA Crossover
Stuffiness by Winter (ImmortalBlackWinter) Very short, but still highly recommended. I really do love some painful endings ;;
I Have A Bet by psw262 Another short one that I liked
Tanya's Free Time by ForeverEvanescent Cute Tanya :,)
The Uniform Crisis by Kat_Ivu More cute Tanya
As you can see I've sort of given up on the commentary sorry; It's getting late, I have work tmrw and shit to do tonight, I gotta get a move on with this lol. I havent even drawn tomorrow's post yet ack. So, this is, by far, not an exhaustive list, I would love to elaborate more and put in more links but maybe another time
As for my own fics, I have a bunch of them kinda half-written but unfortunately I haven’t actually finished or posted any of them yet;;; orz. I do kinda want to talk about them anyway tho bc you did ask and, well, I'm not gonna just not take the opportunity to talk abt my things, but I’ll try to keep it brief and restrained to the stuff thats most likely to be posted some day
Tanya’s Peculiar Behaviors This isn’t really one fic, but more like a group of one-shots. Basically I try to see how much out of character I can get away with while still remaining relatively plausible/canon-adjacent. I have three sort of half-written one-shots right now, some very quick summaries of each: -- The one where I try to justify Tanya carrying around a stuffed animal; This was a bit inspired by Tanya's Free Time in the recs above -- The one where Tanya has a breakdown after the Brest Naval Base thing; Lergen accidentally catches her crying and is like oh god oh fuck what the hell is wrong with her -- and lastly the one where Tanya uses the type 95 just a bit too much and oops now she’s broken
Untitled/The one where I lock them in a room together Tanya von Degurechaff and Erich von Lergen accidentally get locked in a room together and are forced to have a civil chat to pass the time. Also, Tanya screws up an orb-less communication spell to call for help, and now Lergen can hear what she’s thinking, so that’s less than ideal.
Untitled/The one I’m jokingly calling Child Soldier × Family You could sort of call it a Spy × Family AU? But honestly I think I’d call it more ‘inspired by’ than a proper crossover. Basically, they lose the war, and for spying reasons, Tanya gets adopted and has to go to school to make friends to get intel on their families. Key differences from SxF though: Tanya’s technically the spy and there isn’t any fake-marriage aspect to the story comparable to Loid and Yor’s relationship. Perhaps my favorite part of it, Lergen takes Loid’s role as Father Figure bc both of them share the character trait “frequently gets stomach aches due to the stressful little girl they have to deal with” lmao
This is Heaven and Hell Tanya manages to usurp Being X and takes control of the universe/Being X’s power. If you’ve seen Madoka Magica, the vibes I was aiming for with this one are comparable to the end of the Rebellion movie. Tanya rewrites the universe, everyone’s memories are a little janky, she’s struggling with her newfound status as Literally God, etc. I intended it to be kind of angsty but literally everything I touch somehow becomes a comedy so this thing may get broken into two different versions the funny one and the hopefully more serious one.
To Those Without Power, Sin was Charged That fallen Angel!Tanya au I posted about before. Basically: Tanya is one of the many angels in charge of judging souls for their next reincarnation/eligibility for the afterlife. When they one day express that they don’t believe faith should be a necessary factor in those judgements, they’re cast down to Earth as punishment. Another one where I cant decide whether to go the serious route or the comedy route.
There are quite a few more drafts but those things are either A) probably unlikely to get finished or B) never seeing the light of day if I can help it purely for the reason they’re self indulgent cringe :,)
Alright finally, if you got this far reading through this post: hello. thanks for coming along for the ride of touring my Tanya-addled brain, I hope u got something out of it
Having read through this post and you have any fic recs for me, I will gladly take them, I am always looking for stuff to read.
thank u, bye <3
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jimothystu · 1 year
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thank you @lam-ila and @frostysfrenzy for the tag for questions 1-15, and just em for questions 16-23! (maleeha if you wanna do 16-23 consider yourself tagged for those!!)
1. Are you named after anyone? First name no, middle name after a Star Trek character lmao
2. Last time you cried? Maybe two weeks ago?
3. Do you have kids? No, but hopefully in the future
4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Obviously
5. First thing you notice about people? I don't really know, it varies.
6. Eye colour? Blue/blue-grey
7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings
8. Special talents? I'm a good writer (both creatively and academically), I can sing (some days lmao), I'm decent at painting, and I can cross stitch.
9. Where were you born? Eastern Canada
10. Hobbies? Writing and reading (both fanfiction, romance, fantasy, and poetry), cross stitching, loom knitting, painting, sketching, singing/listening to music, watching baseball and hockey, watching star trek, playing minecraft, playing board/card games, gardening, going for walks, and organizing my hockey cards (it counts bc it takes up so much of my time lmao)
11. Any pets? Right now, just my senior beagle Cookie. But I've had like, 20 pets over the years
12. What sports do you play/have you played? I did dance for maybe 5ish years when I was a kid. Won a couple competitions too!
13. How tall are you? 5'5"ish
14. Favourite school subject? Thought it was science for the longest time but upon reflection I did not enjoy it I just wanted to like it because my whole family are science people. My actual favourite subject was English and social studies/geography-like classes
15. Dream job? Author! And I am leaning towards teacher again, but not an elementary teacher like I used to want to be but an English and social studies teacher in middle/junior high school
16. First ship? Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres from Star Trek Voyager
17. Three ships? 187 (Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk), 972 (Josh Norris/Thomas Chabot), Xhekovsky (Arber Xhekaj/Juraj Slafkovsky) and Suzufield
18. Last (current) song? Bury Me In Georgia by Kane Brown
19. Last movie? Free Guy (I love actually being confident in this answer for once I literally never watch movies) <- lmao same em
20. Currently reading? Not really anything atm but also so many books lmao. Still trying to finish No Country For Old Gnomes by Delilah S Dawson and Kevin Hearne (I'm just not in the right mood for it), but I wanted to start Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo but again, not in the right mood, so I may go for a sports romance, The Cheat Sheet by Sarah Adams.
21. Currently watching? Star Trek TOS and S3 of The Umbrella Academy
22. Currently consuming? Just water
23. Currently craving? The touch of another human only mildly joking and chocolate chip cookies. maybe i'll make some tomorrow
I shall tag @donttelltheelff @30-x-family @arsi-lehkonen @wonderlandsandi @introvertedperson16 @lifeofpriya and as always, anyone else who wants to do this <3
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cancer121419 · 2 years
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Review and compare of my arts
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Little BG of my anime drawing history :
I started drawing anime when I was Junior 3 (Grade 9). That was after Assassination Classroom finished airing. It’s not my first anime I feel in love to watch, but it is the one to push me to learn how to draw anime. Also the origin of my name I.T.N (Itona). I’m not a long term fan, but I am very passionate if I do say so myself lol when I’m in it and I would keep drawing non-stop. With that being say, these are the one I drew in the first/ second year FanArt, except the last one where I drew on last week.
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1) The Super Angles Boy 🔻🔻
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Yep, you’re right. I named the title as Angle not Angel👼 . It’s pretty clear that very lines in here are too straight, no nature curves. This makes the character too sharp.
Also, the proportion of the face, especially the eyes 👁👁, it was unnatural. You can see the right eye is too small compared to the left one, they’re not on the same level too. The eyes can hv some more curves around the end, smaller, instead of going up. That goes the same for the forehead.
On the other hand, the neck, mouth, ears and nose can be bigger. The bang could go wider too, for now it all leading the same direction—down. Like a lifeless seaweed, especially when Itona’s hair are kinda like porcupine.
Koro-sensei got 100000/10 ✔️✔️✔️
2) The Cute BIG Eyes boy
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The face shape has gone better now, but only on the left side on the cheek. The eyes shapes are also getting better and natural too. The pupils are round, so cute! However, they are way too big for this face proportion. Plus, the eyebrows could longer and thicker.
The nose has grown longer, which is good. The little dot seems like a bear nose though ><><. The mouth is small and cute, but too small 😣😣. Which is the same for the neck!
I started to draw upper body at that time. I can see the shoulders could hv more curves instead of a strange like. The shoulders shouldn’t be in a rectangle shape ❌ 🔲
The cloth in here is a symmetrical shape, this isn’t natural looking. It should be less cloth wrinkles on it as it hanging down on a body.
3) The BIG Head and small Body boy
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It’s really common the make such mistake. But what’s got me gone crazy when I was looking back, it the really long and sharp face🤯😳. The face is out of proportion, the forehead is too long and large, which make the hair and bandanna like some extra parts instead part of him.
Bc the large head, the body in term look so small and thin.
4) The Naked Boy
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I probably drew this 4 or 5 years ago, it was abt the time I moved to another fandom, so you may say it’s the last time I drew Itona years ago.
You can see I was starting to get a hand of the body and face proportion. It looks much better than the previous one, though the shoulders were still in a strange line, a bit too wide, and the chest too big too. Hey! At least I got the neck right ^^
However, the hair look like a pile of grass and the eyebrows are too high 🙄. The face is a bit round but cute no matter 😌
5) Final Review and all together
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The most noticeable changes I hv made since the last one, is the facial features and detail though it’s not really so much detail lol, the hair look less messy and natural. The body has more curves too.
In all meaning, it’s look much natural than my old sketches, which it was an improvement. But tbh….I don’t feel there are any extreme changes between the last one and the recent one. Probably bc I don’t hv any color comparison only lineart hhh…
If you ask me do I feel disappointed? Yes, but only abt the small amount improvements. However, I am happy with my stage of skill, despite it isn’t much hhh😂
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k-comfyspace · 3 years
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Neglected
Idol: Kim Chaewon, Kim Minju (Izone)
Request: Yes
Love: hi, i really love your writing! can i request a chaewon x minju x fem!reader where the reader wants to break up bc they seem happier without her but 2kim comforts her? angsty but with happy ending please? thank you!!!
A/n: Again can’t believe this is the first time I wrote this kind of story, take my privilege please! Ya’ll are just really nice, makes my heart soft and because I was in the mood to write, this is the longest scenario I’ve ever written🥺
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You glanced outside the window, looking down at the field as you cleared your thoughts, trying to observe the students playing and exercising.
But really you were deep in your thoughts, struggling as you tried to figure out a solution, you knew they cared for you. You were the luckiest woman in the world to have the chance to date Minju and Chaewon.
To have them love you and show you sides that no fan has ever seen before, you knew it was too good to be true, and recently it’s been showing.
You never wanted to let your thoughts get the best of you. But recently you’ve found your relationship to be only centered around the two of them. Oftentimes you were stuck in school or you were back home doing projects, you would constantly cancel your time with them because you were busy, while they would just be a reach away.
You were the only one who was always busy, so you blame yourself that they were always happy being together because you were never there.
It would make you feel better if they had talked to you if they have any issues. But you couldn’t complain, how could you, not only is it your fault but they seemed a lot happier without you.
“Ms. L/n!” you snapped your head to the front, suddenly hearing your name as you realized the whole class was staring at you. Your professor included as he had his eyebrows furrowed, anger clear in his features before he asked you to stand.
“Could you answer the question, Ms. L/n?” He asked and you could only look down, hands behind your back before you heard him sigh, “Y/n this has been the 5th time this week, am I going to have to call in your parents?”
Your head shot up to look at your professor, shaking your head rapidly, “No, I’m sorry professor it won’t happen again, this is the last time,” you promised before he paused looking at your form and making you uneasy until he nodded, raising his finger towards you.
“One last time, Ms. L/n,”
“Thank you, sorry professor,”
Then the bell rang making you professor look at you with disappointment before he dismissed the class. You suddenly felt the guilt of the trouble you caused for the man as you left the room.
“It’s been the 5th time this week,” his words echoed in your head, your shoulders slumping as the reality dawned on you, that's because you kept in your issues so much that it started to show.
Your emptiness and sadness started to affect your performance, you were lucky that the professor was nice, if it were anyone else, your parents would’ve been interrogating you at this point.
You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the crowd behind you in the front was your girlfriend, following you with a smile as she held her bag, Minju caught up with you. Linking your arms together you suddenly jolted, jerking your hand as you earned a confused look from Minju.
“Sorry, I was thinking,” you played it off before Minju giggled and linked her arms with you again, “You’ve been thinking a lot these days, ba—Y/n,” you kept looking straight trying not to give too much away and ignored the slip up she had.
Of course the other students didn’t know, they couldn’t, since most of them were already wild enough as it is because out of all the people she chose L/n Y/n, to be the closest with and not to mention that her career only began 5 months ago so having a dating scandal this early on would surely affect not only her and Chaewon’s career but the rest as well.
“They’re dumping a lot of projects this week, so I’ve been a little out of it, sorry,” you apologized but your girlfriend could only shake her head before a sudden idea struck her, “You can come to the dorm and we’ll help you, Y/n!” She said and you could only shake your head.
“I don’t want to bother the other Minju, you’re already so busy I can’t just go there and interrupt,”
“Nonsense, Y/n, the girls practically adopted you when they met you, plus we’re on our break anyway.” She said and you were about to refuse but she cut you off, “You’ve been working too hard these days, baby, a little help wouldn’t be bad,” she said softly making your heart melt at her concern.
So with a conflicted heart and messy thoughts you agreed, your girlfriend cheering as she led you to the van.
“Y/n!” You smiled at the others waving as they greeted, “Baby,” Chaewon pushed herself off the couch and went to hug you and Minju as you forced a smile to convince the girls who cooed and playfully gaged at their members’ affection, but you didn’t quite fool all of them.
Your eyes landed on the blue haired girl, as Yujin gave you a soft smile when she saw the conflict in your eyes.
She was the first person you knew that was part of a group. Yujin was the perfect friend for you, she often matched your personality and she was a good listener.
Since in your first year at school she was the one that you got to know first, though you were both shy at first something eventually clicked until she introduced you to her friends.
Yujin was the person you could approach when you needed help with your girlfriends, even if she was young, Yujin did her best to listen to you and figure out a solution. Sometimes she was the reason why the three of you would make up when you had a problem, she cared for you like her big sister and you cared for her as your little sister.
So naturally when you started to have thoughts about Minju and Chaewon, Yujin was the first person you approached and ranted to, trying your best to not ruin their relationship as members while you ranted.
Thankfully Yujin didn’t think any bad things towards her unnie but she did find it quite annoying that her unnies were sweeter to each other than they are to you.
She’s been wanting to intervene, say how much they’re hurting you but to her displeasure you would constantly hold her back, saying it wasn’t a big deal. Which made it increasingly difficult to not be annoyed because of your niceness. If it was her she would’ve marched toward them and yelled out everything.
She admired that about you, that even if you were mistreated you would still forgive them and brush it off because it made the other happy, but sometimes it could be the reason you break.
Laying down on the floor, you did your best to write, tracing the sketch carefully as you ignored the couple giggling every so often. But in the corner of your eye, you could clearly see them, laughing as they kept talking about something. It was like they already forgot that they had someone else.
You gripped your pen, biting your tongue because you were afraid of blurting something out.
Yujin watched you from her spot, before she slowly made her way over next to you, nudging your body. As you looked over, she sent you a gentle smile keeping her voice low to avoid the others from hearing,
“If you need a second we can talk about it just say something,” she whispered and you smiled, sending your friend a thankful smile as you patted her knee.
Minju noticed you and Yujin whispering to each other, a small frown on her face as she wondered what you could’ve talked about.
“Hey, Y/n, is this good?” She called you, wanting to get your attention as she showed you her work on one of the parts you’ve given her. It was a weak attempt to get you because you were whispering with Yujin but you did glance over and gave her a smile.
Nodding at the work as you thanked her and said that she did a good job.
Throughout the night most of the girls had spent it finishing your projects, making sure to thank all the girls for their help. And throughout the night you had given yourself a fair distance away from the couple, focusing on your job as you plugged in your music or kept talking with Yujin who did her best to distract you, which you were infinitely grateful for.
However Minju and Chaewon had noticed you distancing yourself, it might’ve been their imaginations but you are so full of life when you spoke with the others, smiling as you replied excitedly or happily with the rest of the girls.
But whenever they would call for you, a short reply was all they got, even if they would try to hug you or say random sweet nothings, you would accept it but push away after a few seconds as you got back to your work.
You were slowly starting to get annoyed, partnered by your already conflicted feelings and with them constantly calling you for your attention, “Y/n we can we talk for a second, in private?” She whispered again which made you suddenly snap.
“I said I can handle it Yujin,” you said sharply, causing the younger girl to flinch, pursing her lips as she turned quiet.
You kept silent for the rest of the night, finishing your projects before you packed. You thanked the girls, making sure you showed them your gratitude and promised to repay them for their help.
Then you turned to your girlfriends, seeing both of them chatting, you wanted to thank them for helping but seeing them laugh so hard and so joyfully your mood was dampened again.
Your eyes however caught another sight, across the room Yujin cleaned up the mess, but the frown on her face was visible behind the curtain of hair she hid behind.
You sighed, approaching the girl and placed a hand on her shoulder.
Yujin glanced up, seeing a small smile on your face as you gestured your head to the side, “Let’s talk,” you said, which immediately the blue haired followed you.
Unbeknownst to them of the eyes watching as they went into the hallway, Yujin avoided your eyes before you rested your hand on her shoulder, “Hey, I’m sorry for snapping at you,” you started seeing her about to speak but you cut her off.
“Me going through stuff doesn’t give me a valid reason to be mad at you Yujin, you were only trying to help me and I’m grateful for that. I don’t want to bring you into my problems, I don’t want you hating on other people because of me, you’re a good friend Yujin-ah,” you finished, seeing a pout starting to form on the younger’s face as she couldn’t say anything.
You giggled, pulling her into a hug, noticing the two figures peeking from the living room. You pulled away and smiled at your best friend, ushering her away before the two other girls came into the hallway, looking at you with concerned faces.
You forced a smile, eyes lingering on their clasped hands, “Hey,” Chaewon greeted you as Minju smiled, reaching their hands out for yours.
Intertwining your fingers together used to make you feel everything, the slight dip in your stomach because of the excitement, your heart beating against your chest because it felt so full, and the tingling sensation on your skin because of their warmth.
Now everything seemed off, it felt incomplete, you wanted to pull away but you didn’t want to disconnect yourself from them, then the conflict in your eyes didn’t escape past both of them. Squeezing your hands before they asked you, “We just want you to be honest with us, Y/n,”
“Are you tired of us?”
The question shocked you, eyes snapping towards the two of them who looked at your with sad features,
“Because recently we’ve been noticing that you keep moving away, when we have plans you cancel, when we want to come over you say you’re busy, when we talk to you your responses are always short and empty. And we uh—wanted to know if, you still want to be with us,”
There was silence for a while, you looked at them in disbelief before pulling your hand away, your breathing getting heavier as you tried to contain your anger.
“Are you serious?” You asked, as they could only look at you with confusion, “You’re really gonna ask me a question when you yourselves are the ones who need it?”
“What do you—“
“I’ve spent the past week, torturing myself to forget, seeing you two being so sweet and caring for each other while I’m at the side being ignored. I keep canceling because I didn’t want to bear the fact that you two are starting to forget about me, that you’re too caught up with each other to even notice that I’m struggling.”
“I don’t want all of your attention, but please do keep in mind that there are other people in this relationship besides you two.” Your voice was getting louder, the girls in the living room perking up when they heard your voice.
Minju and Chaewon looked at you with mixed emotions, suddenly confused on why you would hide this from them silence lingered for a while the tension rising,
“Then why didn’t you tell us? Why choose to say it now? You have a lot of chances to say it but you didn’t,” Minju asked with a sudden tone to her voice, making you scoff in disbelief.
“You think I didn’t try?!”
“I’ve been wanting to say something everyday, I wanted to talk with you two just so this wouldn’t happen but everytime the three of us get together it’s like I never existed in the first place. I respected it at first, maybe you didn’t want to bother me but the way you feel for each other doesn’t go to me anymore, it feels one sided.”
At this point the girls already heard everything, looking at the three of you with their brows furrowed, they’ve seen you three fight but it never went to this level.
You bit the inside of your cheek, holding back your tears before Yujin padded to the three of you, but suddenly Chaewon spoke again, the words leaving her mouth made everyone’s breath hitch, “So how do we know you’re not sick of us? You might be seeing Yujin for all we know,”
Your jaw dropped in disbelief, looking at Chaewon. You couldn’t say anything, before your eyes snapped to Yujin who looked at the older with annoyance and anger,
“You’ve got some nerve to accuse Y/n like that, what’s gotten into you, Unnie? She’s your girlfriend for God’s sake!”
“How do we know for sure! She’s been ignoring us for the past week and has been with you, so sorry if I started to think that!” Their voices started to get louder before they started to argue, the girls stepping in and pulling them away from each other before anything got out of hand.
Your head started to hurt, your hands shaking as you saw them yelling at each other, “Just stop it!” You yelled, a voice echoing off the walls which made them pause, it was the first time you yelled that loud, tears streaming down your face as you tried your best to wipe them.
“This has nothing to do with Yujin, she’s the one that’s been helping me and convincing me that I don’t need to break up with you, but I didn’t think you would stoop so low and accuse me of seeing another person behind your back especially accusing your own member too.”
You turned, grabbing your coat and slamming the door, your footsteps rushing to the elevator before you left. Once the door shut a sob escaped your lips, a sudden weight on your shoulder every step you took away from the dorm.
The room was quiet, most of them staring at the door with shocked expressions, a scoff came from Chaewon as she stomped away, going to her room and slamming the door shut, Minju standing still with her eyes wide.
Yujin was breathing heavily, tears in her eyes as she walked away, hurriedly going inside her room.
A few minutes later Minju left, padding towards Chaewon’s room and entered, closing the door gently. Leaving the girls in the living room glancing at each other, the concern and worry in each of their eyes.
Weeks went by and the girls didn’t receive any contact from you, Minju couldn’t see you in school anymore, and Yujin couldn’t call you.
Which worried everyone to no end, they’ve been wanting to visit you but recently their schedules have been so packed that they didn’t have time to check.
Minju, Chaewon, and Yujin were quiet for the whole week, their interactions were minimal except when they were on camera. The girls didn't want to intervene, because this was their problem, but it hurt them with each day to see them ignoring each other.
So when one day Chaewon and Minju knocked on the door, Yujin opened it, her eyes suddenly turning wide when she saw the two in front of her door, their heads down as they guiltily fidgeted in their place.
“Can we talk, please?” Chaewon spoke up, raising her head to look at the younger who kept silent nodding as she stepped aside and allowed the two in the room.
They sat on the beds, the air awkward before Minju sighed, “We’re sorry,”
“We’re sorry for what we did, what we said and what we thought wasn’t right. We shouldn’t have accused you and doubted you we were wrong.”’
“I don’t like to be mad at you unnie’s, what you did was wrong, you did a lot of things that day that were wrong. I know I’m young but please don’t think that badly about Y/n unnie, the things she’s been telling me about you two, it’s something I don’t think I could go through, so please don’t apologize to me, apologize to her.”
Chaewon pulled the blue haired girl into a hug, Minju joining as they made up, Chaewon smiling as she whispered to the younger girl, “We will,”
When the girls had been given the week to rest, Minju and Chaewon didn’t waste a beat, rushing home and washing up before they asked their manager to bring them to your apartment.
They went to your door, using the key that they had hoping to see you but all they were met with was silence. No TV, no music, no sounds in the kitchen, they were sure that you were home because your shoes were beside the door.
They made sure to check every room calling out for you until Minju stopped at your room, opening it gently before she saw you on your bed, your body covered with sheets as you slept, as the soft snores passed your lips.
Minju called her girlfriend, both of them padding to your form and cupping your cheeks but worry struck them when they felt how warm you were.
Your forehead covered in a sheen of sweat before they looked at each other, you were sick.
They removed their coats, placing them aside as they took the blankets of your body. Chaewon went to get a basin and a towel while Minju got some clothes out of your closet before they cleaned you.
Minju cleaned up your room after Chaewon finished wiping your body, leaving the towel on your forehead to absorb all the heat.
Chaewon rummaged through your fridge and did what she could to make you some soup while Minju sat by your side, observing you as she suddenly felt whole again.
After a week of not seeing you, talking to you, it left her so empty and without her noticing a tear dropped before she started to cry silently, her eyes closed while she held the sheets until she felt someone cup her cheek.
Minju opened her eyes, a sob fully escaping her lips when you were smiling at her, wiping the tears that kept flowing out, “Why are you crying?” The softness of your voice made it worse for her and soon Chaewon entered, a tray in her hands with your food, water, and medicine.
When she saw you awake she froze at the door, her eyes welling with tears when you looked at her, no anger or disappointment in your eyes. She padded closer to you and placed the tray to the side before reaching for your hand, which you gladly gave her as she put it against her cheek, her own eyes stinging with tears.
“I-I’m so sorry,” Chaewon’s voice was so small, so defeated that it hurt you that she was going through that, even if it was her own fault.
“We l-love you, Y/n, please don’t ever forget that, we’re so sorry that we n-neglected you,” Minju nuzzled her cheek against your palm,
“P-Please give us a chance to be better, we w-won’t know what to do without you,” they inched in and embraced you, making you close your eyes when you felt them again but this time everything felt normal again.
The sinking feeling, the tingles, and your heart hammering against your chest. You felt whole to be with them for so long, “We’ll a-always love you, n-no matter what,” you felt your hair get brushed aside before they kissed your cheek and you could only sigh.
Your arms tighten around them as you want them to be closer. With a silent acceptance and promise they would always take care of you, show you how much you mean to them because truly they wouldn’t be who they are without you.
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moldy-mold · 4 years
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Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!
Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.
It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.
I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.
Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted.  At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.
NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.
The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.
Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.
But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.
I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.
I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.
She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan.  My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?
I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…
I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.
Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…
Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.
Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…
Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.
Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!
The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…
I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.
NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.
My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.
The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.
I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.
I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.
I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.
Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(
There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.” 
Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.
I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!
 https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.
I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.
The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”
Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!
I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.
I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.
I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!
Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.
I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T
I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.
I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.
I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.
Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?
I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.
So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.
I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.
I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.
At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:
I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.
In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.
Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.
I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.
I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.
I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?
I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…
The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…
I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.
When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.
I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3
We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…
For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!
I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.
I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.
I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.
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spekulative · 4 years
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starting anew!
hi! if by the odd chance you knew me from my old blog, i realized that i was restricted from carrying out a lot of functions i might want to in the future if i were to grow my blog (it was a sideblog to an old, 2013 blog i had and when i replied to comments or respond to asks it’d be as my primary). so instead i decided to create a new account so that lycho could be my primary blog! since i did have a few posts that i wanted to keep for history sake, this is just going to be a mega post of my past few posts: 
apr 6, 2020 - the beginning
day 1 of my journey with ux!
frankly, i’ve been on this journey for the past two years (ever since discovering it) but i feel as though i haven’t made any real progress. i’ve always claimed i wanted to grow and learn more about the field, yet those goals never showed in my day-to-day actions.
this blog is a collection of my progress on this journey to keep myself accountable. the goal is facebook in a year, baby!
i know it’s super idealistic and quite tough for a second year like me who’s not even in a design program (business, actually). but i still want to try. i want to do something for myself for once.
that is why i am committing 4 hours everyday to honing my craft. whether that is learning about ux through watching youtube tutorials, skillshare course, or reading medium articles, or actually practicing the craft by making redesigns or wireframes, i will dedicate this time strictly to advancing my expertise within the field. and this blog exists to keep up with my every step of the way :)
apr 8, 2020 - website overhaul
today I worked on cleaning up the modularity of my existing website a bit, making use of consistent classes instead of hard-coding like i used to! oh how i love modularity!
small win: making a navbar that breaks out of the standard bounding box of the site’s content --> next goal is to make it a sticky navbar with js!
other than my website, yesterday I finished a skillshare course on user-centred design, albeit short, it was really valuable and it only motivates me to continue learning. I’m starting to realize how much I actually like doing this stuff and think it is something that really clicks and not just something im doing for the looks.
slowly but surely getting the hang of dedicated 4 hour time chunks to my craft - i failed yesterday and the day before (woke up around 9/10 instead of starting at 8:30) but today i did pretty well! took a short 20 min nap inbetween haha but I’m still proud of myself overall :)
it’s been pretty depressing and lonely lately with the quarantine (when the sun is shining so bright, teasing me grr..) but I want to get back into a routine and be productive although i do have my lazy days. it just overall makes me feel better because who knows how long we’ll have to live like this. might as well get used to it.
apr 9, 2020 - website overhaul
hi! so today i wanted to be very candid and share that i feel like i did fail today in terms of the goals i had set out for myself, though I reached 1/2 goals so that’s good! the first was to finish refining my website and publish it (check!), while the other was to finish the financial statements for my business assignment but alas that did not end up happening haha, but i forgive myself for it and know that tomorrow will be a new day!
I actually woke up early today (around 7:30, earlier than usual) and felt awake, yet mentally I just wanted to go back to sleep so I ended up getting up at 9:30. I then regretted it and beat myself up for it briefly for doing that, but I realized that I should let myself off in these strange times we’re all living in right now.
so, i think i really am going to get serious about my design journey! my only concern is that i feel like im stretching myself too thin - i have a full time design internship offer for this summer for a startup, as well as 2 leadership positions on clubs where I lead/work on the branding and design, but also at the same time I”m always at home so not sure what is reasonable and what is not. Because when I’m not doing that, I want to be self-learning, but I recently a discovered a mentorship program where I could be mentored by a startup founder to help scale her business, but again I feel like I’m stretching myself thin. though it’s a really good opportunity.
anywho, updates on my website like this post was supposed to be about is that i finally published it again after not liking how it looked before, and i think this revamp is a lot cleaner! proud of it. i try not to reveal many of my personal details on here bc i’m not sure who would actually be reading it, but this blog is just a way for me to track, myself, how i’m doing and to keep myself accountable :) i just didn’t want to set it to private cause it’s a hassle for me to always enter the password if i want to look at my blog.
lastly, i want to start consistently workout - and in the long term actually start a real blog where I write about my experiences, in actual coherent sentences! amazing. creative-wise i really want to start learning 3d illustration and blender, even though i’m an aspiring product designer but i just love 3d and motion, so idk might be stretching myself too thin again but i feel like I need to stretch my creative muscles this way and push myself as a creator. also starting the daily ui challenge again tomorrow after giving up a few months ago - haha!
let’s see how this one pans out :)
apr 10, 2020 - learning + starting anew
today i started two new things !!
restarted daily ui challenge after quitting a week in last year
started to learn blender ! !
i still feel like i failed today because i mostly sat around doing nothing OTHER than design, which just affirms to me that im truly passionate about this stuff for only having motivation to do it (or just a strong will against my homework for uni still....either way im taking it)
although i’m not that great at blender yet and felt frustrated during the process, when i got the end result i realized i like how it turned out despite it not being perfect, and it’s inspiration for me to keep learning and expanding on my skills :)
same with daily ui - i found that my approach this time compared when i literally knew NOTHING about ux was very different.
for example, something I already notice I'm doing differently from the last time is focusing less on decoration and more on practicality, actually naming/grouping layers and leveraging design systems, and injecting personality to make the experience delightful. I'm also limiting myself to two hours now (though this one took about an hour) so I have more time to do some research, sketch and wireframe before styling.
looking forward to a better day tomorrow! i might do a little less design (maybe just a daily ui shot) so i can focus on actually tackling the report i’m supposed to finish as well as study for an upcoming exam, so we will see! feeling good :))
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nibscribs · 5 years
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So uhhhh I drew a lot of RWBY this year... only two of these are non RWBY and tbh I could have just as easily put something RWBY for June Template
Retrospective under the cut bc it’s LONG 
RETROSPECTIVE January: First piece of the year! I still like this piece and I think it shows how much I improved from the original version of it. Also I just like looking at it bc it's soft content of my rare pair. I do think I made the rose look photorealistic which looks... bad esp with all the other more stylized flowers, and I got lazy with the bleeding hearts by just drawing one set and flipping them. Emerald's hair also could look better. February:  I made this around GNG week, which was a fun, good time, long before the server imploded on itself. I got really lazy with the backgrounds, obviously, but I do like the poses in this one, tho it helped that I based it off of screenshots from Young Justice. I also just really like how Merc looks in this one. March: March wasn't a very prolific month for art, I don't think I produced much besides this and one comic piece for GNG week. I'm not sure why exactly, I can't find any specific reason why I would be unproductive that month. I'm gonna just assume I was drained from work all the time and didn't have the energy to put out good art, and also I was getting into a slump bc all my art was starting to look same-y. This piece isn't very good, but I chose it because I did it without a reference, and at this point that was going out of my comfort zone. It's obviously not super dynamic, but at the very least you can tell I intended there to be motion to it. April: This also wasn't a very prolific month for art, not as bad as March, but for the same reasons. I was also really starting to feel burnout from the RWBY fandom, specifically wasps and conflict within the GNG server. This was also when the Art vs the Artist meme was popular, and I realized I didn't want to do that meme because my art was too similar and boring, which also brought me down a peg. Though I put out a few good chibis in April, I chose my Mercury redesign bc I was really proud of it. I could never get the Emerald redesign to mesh quite right, but I can say I'm really proud of how Mercury's came out. May: May had me bounce out of my art slump and in full force trying to expand my skills! Specifically exploring painting. Although May was about as prolific as April, what I did create I put a lot into. It was difficult to pick between this and my app of Edison, because I'm really proud of both, but in the end I went with this commission of Mercury because I pushed myself to try and use an interesting perspective for the piece instead of my usual stand still and face the camera pose. Because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, this was one of the best things I made all year, and may be my favorite piece of the year. June: TIME TO STRESS OUT ABOUT CONNECTICON! So if you follow me on twitter, you might have noticed I made a lot of posts at the beginning of the year low key throwing shade at myself for drawing my oc's instead of more "important" art. Well, that important art that I was procrastinating was con merch, and con was the second week of July, so I really had to get my ass in gear to finish merch on time (spoiler, I didn't finish a lot of it on time). This piece and July's piece are both posters I made for Connecticon, and while I like July's much better, that doesn't mean I find this piece bad. I really should have known that no one at con would realize it was a goonies reference tho -_-; I also lost a lot of love for this piece after season 6 of Voltron, which I watched while I was about 60% of the way through this piece, so I had to force myself to finish it. July: I love this piece!!!! Don't get me wrong, I know it has flaws, but look at it! The lines are so crisp, the colors look good, Roman and Merc's expressions are mwuah chefs kiss, and I just love all of them!!! ... except for Neo. I really didn't do her justice in this piece, her hair is too fluffy, her head is way to oversized to the point that she looks like a bobblehead, and her eyes are too close together. Really if you take out Neo's head that whole problem goes away. I also love all the tiny details I put in this one, from emerald's chaps to roman's rose to Neo's lace parasol. You can tell I was way more passionate about this piece than I was about the Voltron piece.  August:  pretty sure this is when I quit my job cashiering, and thank god bc customers suck. If I was going off of sheer popularity, Chibi Pyrrha would have taken this slot no contest, and while I love chibi Pyrrha, I don't think it was the best of the month. I chose this little princess and the pauper au doodle because I tried a year ago to draw these two dancing, and it looked like dog shit. It was flat and ugly. But this has motion to it, and even looking at it now makes me feel warm and happy inside. It's just a good cute drawing of my otp. September: My piece for the RWBY tarot project! I have a lot of mixed emotions about this one. on the one hand, I love how mercury looks, his expression, the lighting, the visceral gore from his legs (ESPECIALLY THE VISCERAL GORE ON HIS LEGS) and the hands of the undead, all look stunning and I don't think I could be more happy with how they turned out. And then we get to the background. The caduceus isn't the worst thing ever, but it's severely lacking in quality compared to the rendering on mercury in front of it, and a lot of it is clearly pixellated from me trying to stretch and squash it just right. And the fire is a hot (no pun intended) mess. It's flat, incoherent, and doesn't lead the eye anywhere. It's a shame too because I wanted to do more with it, but I a) didn't have enough time or patience to figure out what I needed to do to fix it and b) didn't want to go outside of my comfort level, so I gave up and decided to be satisfied with what I had. October: October was another good month for art, I made a turnaround sheet for Moss, painted a full body (and slightly lewd) Rudy, and made a decent attempt at inktober. Ok, so I got like 2 days in, but I improved a lot on inking from last year! Fun fact! this piece was originally going to be fan art of Lindsay Jones, but after I did some thumbnails to figure out a pose, I thought it would suit White Diamond better, and I could also sell it as merch. I love this piece. I think I captured the sinister mood well, and conveyed the story I wanted to without any dialogue (at least the notes on Tumblr make me assume I did a decent job, lotta people really wigged out lol) I really worked hard to get the lighting right on this one, and I think it shows. My absolutely favorite thing about this piece funnily enough, is Amethyst. I think I just did a great job drawing her and I'm proud of myself ok. Stevens bubble and my trouble figuring out how to get WD's leg just right are the only things that I dislike about this piece, but I might go back and fix those. November: IM SO PROUD OF THIS COMMISSION!!!!!! I worked so god damn hard on this chef's kiss poifect,  and it really shows. I started using a new brush at this point, the Ojing series on Clip Studio Paint, which I recommend and have been using a lot since. I've also been using this shading technique since drawing this. I love how it sort of fades out but it's still really crisp. I also love all the little details that give this piece character, like her shoes and the stripes on her jacket. This piece really takes a lot of the stuff I learned over the year and combines it into one piece, and I could not be prouder of it. I have absolutely no problems with this one, though I do find the weapon a bit plain, but it's what the client described. December: AND NOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!! I had been working on this piece since August, going back to it every now and then and getting frustrated. I'm really glad I came back to it and finally finished it, since I love this pair and I put a lot of effort into it back in August. However, I'm also really glad I completely overhauled a lot of it, specifically the flowers. Though I'm not 100% happy with the mums in this one, they look a thousand times better than the mums I had originally sketched back in August, and were part of the reason I had such a hard time finishing this for months. I also thought it would be nice to end the year on the same note it started; with a flower couple. I've definitely learned a lot since January, and I hope to continue growing in 2019! 2019 GOALS!
Work on backgrounds for the love of god
Draw more stuff that isn't RWBY
Perspective
Make more speed paints and post more to youtube in general
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just-jordie-things · 6 years
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Spidey’s #1 Fan - Peter Parker
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word count: 2475 warnings: swearing request: Can I get a Spiderman (Peter Parker) fanfic where they are best friends and then she finds out he's spiderman and gets embarrassed bc she always fangirled over him? Also happy anniversary!!
He wasn’t sure how to tell you.  How to tell you he’d lost his third backpack this week.  When he lost the first one, you took him back out shopping for a new one.  And when he lost that one, you grew concerned as to why people were stealing his backpacks.  And now, he knew he was going to have to give you a better explanation than a shoulder shrug.
Peter Parker has been your best friend since kindergarten.  To say it was a beautiful meeting, would be a lie.  You tripped and fell on his lego battleship.  But, it did begin a sweet friendship.  As well as a crush that started just aws soon as he saw the adorable (and blushing) face of the girl that had broken apart his battleship.
But now, rushing back to his apartment so he could change before you arrive, he wondered what the hell he was going to say.
You were wandering along the sidewalks, alone, because Peter left school early for an appointment.  Usually the both of you walked together, but you didn’t mind being by yourself.  You liked walking in Queens.  Seeing the people who were either rushing, or taking their time, enjoying the scene like you.
Peter’s apartment was your go to place to hang out.  Usually the two of you would do your homework, watch some tv, you’d talk to May about your day and Peter would beg you to pay more attention to him than his aunt.  Ned would come over too sometimes, and you’d all have dinner together.  It was always a comfortable, bully free environment.  Bully free being the keyword that you appreciated most.
Midtown High wasn’t exactly the nicest place to go to school.  The boys who didn’t pick on you, hit on you, and sometimes, it was both,  You shuddered, thinking of Flash’s disgusting self.  That boy had a tendency to either yank your ponytail or beg for your number.  Sometimes you wondered if you’d even bother going to school if Peter and Ned weren’t there.  It didn’t exactly seem worth it.
Peter Parker was always a dork.  And not in a bad way, but it was very noticeable.  Top of his class, having the credits to graduate when he was only a sophomore.  Being on the Decathlon team, never leaving a question unanswered or a homework un-done, never failing any test, and speaking fluent Spanish (you loved that) he was simply known for being a genius.  But while Midtown High was notorious for it’s science and tech courses, being smart, was no crown in the social status there.  If you weren’t a cheerleader or a football player, then you might as well say goodbye to popularity.
But Peter was fully capable of being on the football team.  Hell, he could play single handedly, and likely still win every game.  Thanks to a little ‘incident’ that gave him super strength and the ability to shoot webs out of his wrists, he wasn’t the same Peter Parker anymore.  Though, he acted like it.  Because no one knew.
Except for Tony friggin Stark.
Oh, and also Ned.  Who found out by accident a few weeks ago.
Peter ran his hand through his hair, rushing up the stairs to his apartment.  It wasn’t like he didn’t want to tell you.  Of course he wanted to, especially when you went on your long winded rants about how much you love Spiderman.  How “Spiderman deserves better” and that he’s a “real hero” and how you were conspiring that he was a part of the Avengers.  Peter loved when you told him your thoughts on the Avengers, and how you felt that Spiderman deserved a place on the team.
But he couldn't.  Not only was he not allowed to, but it could put you into some serious danger, and he definitely didn’t want you to be a part of anything Spiderman was.  It was just too risky.  So he kept the secret.
When the knock on his door alerted him, he’d just thrown his suit into his closet and changed into regular clothes again.
“Peter? It’s me can I come in?” Your voice called, and he rushed over to open the door for you.  You smiled at his flustered self, wondering why he looked so disheveled.
“H-hey y/n/n” You rose your brows as he stepped aside to let you in.
“What’s wrong? You look anxious” You asked worriedly, but he just shook his head, closing the door behind you.
“Anxious? Me? I’m always anxious wh-what’re you talking about?” You giggled as he spoke frantically, shaking your head at the boy.
“You’ll never change Peter Parker” You sighed, and set your backpack down on the floor before sitting by it.  “So guess what? Want to hear the weirdest thing?”
“S-sure weird things are cool” Peter replied, sitting on the floor across from you.
“So today in Psych, I’d finished my notes and all right? So I figure hey, I’ve got some time to doodle.  And I sketch out this- don’t judge me- I sketch out this picture of Spiderman” You told him, pulling your Psychology notebook out of your bookbag.  “And then get this! I see him later today!”
Peter choked.
“Just swinging along, isn’t that crazy?” You asked, excitement in your voice as you handed Peter the book with your drawing in it.  Peter stared adoringly at your pencil sketch, his heart beating uncontrollably in his chest.
“Yeah, that’s insane” He finally spoke, handing you back your book.  You stared at it for a few moments before putting it away.
“Anyways, how was your appointment?”
“W-what? Oh right it uh… it was fine” Peter shrugged his shoulders.  “Just a regular doctor��s check up and all… all that” He said, completely unsure of where he was going with this.  You smiled and nodded.
“And did the doctor tell you anything concerning? Maybe told you an exposure to radiation suddenly gave you muscle this year?” You joked, and Peter rolled his eyes.  You always messed with him about that.
“No, he didn’t, for your information” He replied sarcastically.
“Alright sure.  I’ll just have to believe that you started working out”
“I have!” Peter replied defensively, making you laugh and roll your eyes playfully.
“Uh huh, sure Parker.  Sure” You responded cheekily.  And it was all fun and games, and you could believe that he was working out.  There wasn’t exactly any other explanation.  “You wanna watch Star Wars?”
The next hour was spent lying across the couch, legs strewn carelessly over Peter’s lap as he sat on one end.  He was trying his best not to bounce his leg, he didn’t want you to think that he was uncomfortable by any means.  And he wasn’t.
But this made his hands jittery.  A little shaky, and he tried to keep it out of your sight, but of course you noticed.
“What’s up?” You asked gently, nodding towards his very obvious shaking hand.  “You’re really off today Pete, are you sure everything’s alright?”  He looked between you and his hands a few times, unsure of what to say.  You sat up, putting your feet on the ground and moving to sit closer to him.  “You can talk if you want, or not, I understand” You offered, placing a hand over his knee.  “Do you want me to leave you alone?” You asked in a softer tone.
“Yeah… yeah I need to be alone for a bit” Peter muttered, hating himself for sending you away.  But everytime you’re around, he can’t focus right, and it’s beginning to drive him crazy
“That’s fine” You smiled sweetly at him, and stood up.  You left him in the room as you went to grab your things.  When you came back, he was still sitting in the same place.  You smiled sadly and walked over to him.  “It’s okay Pete” You said, leaning over and kissing his cheek lightly.  “Text me in a bit or something, alright?”
“Okay” He replied, and looked up to watch you go.  His face completely pink from your kiss.
As soon as the door shut, he was rushing back to room to get his suit from the closet.  He needed to get out of the house, clear his head.
You were walking home, just thinking to yourself and all the while wondering if you’d done something wrong.  Peter’s been acting off for a while, that much was obvious.  But you always figured that it was just because of all the stress on his shoulders.  From the Stark Internship, to Decathlon, and just the regular workload at school, it was difficult.  But now you couldn’t help but think it was your fault.
Sighing, you wrapped your arms around yourself, keeping your head down as you walked along the sidewalk.  No one else was really out, most people still at work.  But you didn’t mind walking alone. At least no one would see you sad expression as you dived deeper into your thoughts.
Maybe he didn’t want to be your friend anymore.  Maybe he just didn’t like you anymore.  Maybe he’d found out that you had a crush on him.  Maybe-
Your train of thought was cut off as you were grabbed around the waist, and before you could fight back against the attacker, you were flying into the air.
“What the fuck!” You screamed, watching the ground get smaller and smaller below you.  You looked up, and nearly choked.
Spiderman.
“What the fuck?” You squealed again, this time out of pure confusion as to why Spiderman would swing through and pick you up out of complete nowhere.
“You’re okay” A muffled voice said, and you found yourself believing him.  Almost too easily.
He swung along the buildings a little further, the heavy wind in your face making your hair fly and eyes water, but you didn’t really mind.  You just silently enjoyed this spontaneous moment.
He eventually stopped, and set you back on your feet on the roof of your high school.  You looked around yourself, almost expecting to see someone jump out and yell “Syke!” but nothing happened.
“Um, what am I doing here?” You asked awkwardly.
“Sorry that was so random, I just… wanted to talk to you” Your brows rose and you blinked disbelievingly.
“Y-you want to talk to m-me?” You asked, pointing to your chest.  What in the world would Spiderman want to talk to you about?
“Yeah I see you around a lot and uh… yeah” He replied.  Your lips pulled into a slight smirk as you gave him a curious once over.
“Does Spiderman maybe have a crush…? I’m a sixteen year old girl you know that right?”
“Yeah I do-” He stopped himself when you startled slightly at his knowledge of you.  “That sounded creepy uh… but yeah I know you.  I think I know you pretty well” You crossed your arms over your chest, eyeing him suspiciously.
“Why don’t you take the mask off then?” You said.  Spiderman hung his head down for a moment, before pulling the bottom up a little bit.  But it didn’t even go any higher than his nose.  “Well that doesn’t exactly help me with your identity now does it?” You questioned.
“I don’t want you to know it” He replied, and you somehow knew he was changing his voice on purpose.  You stepped closer, noticing his hands fidgeting together.  You quirked a brow at that before looking up at him.
“Why not?” You asked, growing more suspicious and curious by the second.  “What’ve you got to lose?”
“I have already kidnapped you” He muttered, and you chuckled quietly to yourself.
“Yes, you have.  Might as well tell me who you are” You shrugged.  “It’s not that big of a deal.  I’ve only got two friends”
“That’s not true” You looked at him with an amused surprise.
“Uh huh so you’re a complete stalker then?” You asked, and you could tell he was rolling his eyes behind that mask.  And he was.
“No just… okay I promise I’ll tell you”
“Oh yeah? For what price?” You retorted sarcastically.
“Just… just let me- damnit” He grumbled to himself, but before you could speak up his gloved hands were cupping your cheeks and he was leaning down to press his exposed lips against yours.  You squeaked slightly, but shut your eyes and leaned in against him.  His kiss was soft and warm and this is what you thought melting felt like.  You hummed, eyes still closed even as your lips parted.
“Peter if you wanted to kiss me you could’ve just asked” You whispered, reaching for the mask and pulling it completely up over his head.  His messy locks of hair flopping over.  The boy’s jaw fall open, shocked that you’d figured it out.
“How’d you- what? How’d you know?” He asked, dropping his hands from your face.  You smiled back at him.
“You really thought I wouldn’t recognize your voice? Come on Pete” He smiled nervously back at you.
“So you’re not… mad?”
“Are you kidding? Of course not! You’re freaking Spiderman!” You squealed excitedly, and then a thought clicked in your mind.  “Oh my God I’ve spent months fangirling about you… to you…” Peter laughed as you began to grow flustered, remembering all the times you went on vents on your thoughts about him.
“No way, that was the cutest thing, I loved every single thing you fangirled over” You blushed and laughed awkwardly.
“So, Spiderman has a crush on me?” You asked mischievously, and Peter bopped his head side to side in response.
“He sort of does, yes”
“Only sort of?” You asked, quirking your eyebrow a little.
“Okay maybe a lot” You giggled, and wrapped your arms up around his neck.  “A really lot” He said in a softer tone.  You bit down on your lip, peering up at him through your lashes.
“And kidnapping me was your best idea on telling me this?” You asked, the both of you laughing together.  He leaned down slightly, his forehead pressed against yours.
“I love you so much, y/n” He said quietly, ending your giggling.  “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, all of this but…” He trailed off, and you closed your eyes as he wrapped his arms around your torso.
“I know” You whispered back, feeling content, and safe.  And loved.  “I love you too, Penis Parker” He chuckled bitterly, before leaning down once more and capturing your lips with his.  You grinned, but kissed back anyways and held tightly to him.
“I’d like the fangirling to continue”
“Of course.  I am your number one fan after all”
xoxo ~ jordie
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HI! I’m putting all of the things i’ve been tagged in from the past couple of weeks that i haven’t answered yet bc i’m working hard on an admission portfolio for university and i really want to get into Sheridan, so yep lots of work and lots of art. i am also working on the HTTYD fandom reading (please sign up) and the next chapters of J’Imagine and No Cannon Shall Sink This Ship. Anyways, onto the tagged: 
get to know me meme: tagged by @animalsarepeople2​ thank youuuu! 
nicknames: Kei / Keiko *i explain this in a question down there somewhere 
Gender: Female 
Star Sign: Libra
MBTI Type: INFJ 
Height: 163cm 
Time: 17:07 (by the time I finished all of these it’s 18:36) 
Birthday: February 25 
Favourite Bands: Beatles, Young Rising Sons, Clean Bandits, Lovelyz, Infinite 
Favourite Solo Artists: Ailee, Ed Sheeran 
Song Stuck in My Head: 1cm by Lovelyz 
Last Movie Watched: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp
Last Show Watched: I just binge watched Stranger Things 
When I created my blog: July 15, 2013/June 27, 2017
What I post about: httyd, animated movies, animation
Last thing I Googled: information about Sheridan and character rotation 
Other blogs I have: my main blog @tokkeiko
Following: 100, though I want to find more good blogs, any recs anyone? 
Followers: in total from both blogs, 200 or something 
Favourite colour: Green 
Average hours of sleep: 8-ish 
Lucky number: 7
Instruments: piano, oboe 
What I’m wearing: jeans and my current favourite sweater which is grey with gold spots 
Number of blankets: I need to remember to find another one bc my room is freezing when I wake up in the morning
Dream Job: story artist at Disney 
Dream trip: i just want to get out of my city rn 
Favourite food: i’m just hungry rn, give me anything, but favourite food, among others, is salted caramel truffle blizzard from the good old DQ (#lovemydq) 
Music ask, tagged by @yv-sketches THANKS!!!! 
10 songs that you are listening to right now; 
my current favourite playlist is called Shut Up and Dance:
“Elle Me Dit” Mika 
“Red Balloon” Charli XCX 
“Dancing in the Dark” Rihanna 
“Shut Up and Dance” Walk the Moon
“Red and Gold” Young Rising Sons 
“Can’t Stop the Feeling” Justin Timberlake 
“Better When I’m Dancing” Meghan Trainor 
“I Bet My Life” Imagine Dragons 
“Into a Fantasy” Alexander Rybak 
“Get Back Up Again” Anna Kendrick
Tag Game, taggged by @thepurplewriter333 ty friend-o! 
Nicknames: Keiko/Kei/Spirit/Sweet Potato 
Gender: Female
Star Sign; Pisces 
Height: 163cm 
Sexuality: probably straight 
Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff!!!
Favourite animals: uhhhh... orcas probably 
Average hours spent sleeping: 8 i think, i’m not bothering with math rn 
Dogs or cats: KITTY, all of my sibilings have a significant other and all of their significant others’ have cats and why can’t I have a s/o with a cat???
number of blankets sleeping: during the winter, aka now already, two 
Dream trip: geeeeetttt meeeee ouuuuttt offf thissss citttyyyyy
Dream job: Story artist at Disney 
when I made this account: June 27. 2017
why I made this account: bc i wanted a place to reblog all of the httyd stuff without loosing followers on my other blog 
# of followers: like 47, I think? I recently got more. follow me i am cool person 
92 statements, tagged by @thepurplewriter333 thanks for the double tag! 
Last: 
Drink: Tim Hortons’ Double Double (got to stay caffeinatedddddddd) 
 Phone Call: Home to get a ride home 
Text message: Friend to go hang out later
Song You Listened To: Shooting Star by Lovelyz
Time You Cried: uhhhhhhhh... oh, like a month ago, it was a bad week and then I watched Home and my emotions were already out of wack so I basically sobbed near the end 
Have you: 
Dated someone twice: Nope 
Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope, i’m boring
Been cheated on: nope 
Lost someone special: nope 
Been depressed: i feel like it’s hard to be a university student and not get depressed 
Gotten drunk and thrown up: i am a boring party person and yeah, no i haven’t 
List 3 favourite colours: 
Green
Blue 
Gold 
In the last year have you: 
made new friends: Yeahhhh
fallen out of love: nopppeee...?
Laughed until you cried: like every other day
Found someone was talking about you: in a good way; nope. In a bad way: yeah too many times
found out who your friends are: yeahhhhhh
kissed someone on your FB list: okay someday, i’ll have more interesting answers 
General: 
how many FB friends do you know IRL: 99% of them 
Do you have any pets: nope 
Do you want to change your name: i recently thought about dropping my middle name, but like it has significance to my parents so probably won’t happen and my middle name doesn’t do anything so idk 
what did you do for your last birthday: Keep in mind that I turned 18: my friends and I went to Build-A-Bear and they got me a Build-A-Bear Toothless. 
What time do you wake up: my alarms on early days are 7:00, 7:05, 7:15, 7:25, 7:35, 7:45, 8:00. I naturally wake up at 9-ish 
What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping :D 
Name something you can’t wait for: to (hopefully) get accepted into Sheridan and start a new adventure out there.
When was the last time you saw your mom: she’s in the kitchen with me 
what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish that I could’ve figured out what I wanted to do with life so that I could’ve started Sheridan this year 
What are you listening to right now: Sheridan portfolio reviews, tips, etc. (Starting to see a pattern here?) 
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: friend’s dad. he’s a cool dad. 
Something that is getting on your nerves: when people are packing up their stuff before the professor is finished talking in the last 5 minutes of class. URGH stop moving ppl this stuff is important 
Most visited website: FB, YT, tumblr 
Mole(s): couple
Mark(s): I have freckles (might be moles) on each cheek under both eyes. 
Childhood dream: when you’re a kid, you’re really only exposed to teacher, doctor, police man and whatever your parents are. I think I defaulted to an artist when adults asked. 
Hair colour: black, I have silver hairs though, they stick out on the black hair a lot 
long or short hair: I always grow my hair out and then cut off 12 inches to donate to cancer wigs  
Do you have a crush on someone: not currently, though i had a crush on a guy for like 5 years, so even now, 5 years later, I get happy when I think about him 
Piercings: no, i really think a conch piercing would be nice though 
Blood type: ... A I think, i’ve never gotten tested, but according to genetics, I should be an A 
Nicknames: my full name is Keiko, but everyone called me Kei as a kid, but during high school, I started introducing myself as Keiko, so some people call me Kei, some people call me Keiko, one of them is a nickname, depending on which way you think about it, 
Relationship Status: Egg salad. 
Zodiac: Pisces 
Pronouns: She/her
Favourite TV show: Friends 
Right or left handed: Right, but recently I’ve been trying to teach myself to draw with my left hand 
Surgery: Wisdom teeth 
Hair dyed a different colour: nope, but I think I might try a ombre some day 
Sports: ballet since I was 4ish, ballet is a sport, come fight me on it if you dare 
Vacation: a lot of camping when I was younger, I’ve been to Japan twice, and then places across Canada
Pair of trainers: are we talking about trainers as in shoes? bc then ankle high all black vans. 
More General: 
Eating: this is taking so long I stopped and had supper between these sections
Drinking: Double Double (Tim’s coffee, two creams, two sugars), gotta stay AWaaaaaaaaaaKE
I’m about to: draw character designs or go out to coffee shop to study with friends 
Want: to get into Sheridan so so so so so badly 
Get married: I’m still single, want to put my career first, so yep not for a little while 
Career: i’m a cake decorator rn, see my cakes on my insta @tanakeiart 
Hugs or Kisses: hUG mE
Lips or eyes: Eyes, (though I am supper bad at making eye contact) 
Shorter or taller: would be nice to be slightly taller... 
Older or younger: like to date or something? I think high school rule is a good rule, but rn looking at niners mAN they are tiny
Nice arms or stomach: arms to hug meeeeee
Sensitive or loud: i think I would need a loud person to compliment me 
Hook up or relationship: relationship bc you have a standing plus one to everything and rn being single I have to text like 5 friends to find someone to go with me to something 
Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 
Have you ever: 
kissed a stranger: Nope 
Drank hard liquor: I only have like four months until my 19th so like i’ll go drinking then 
Lost Glasses/contact lenses: funny story: family and i were in Japan and we were at Kinkaku-ji and then i realize that one of my eyes have gone fuzzy, so thinking that there is something on the lens, i take my glasses off and my lens had fallen out of the frame. my family literally crawled around trying to find my lost lens, we did find it, but we couldn’t find a small screw that would hold the lens in. my dad fixed it with a twist tie.
turned someone down: nobody likes me so nobody has asked me so i have never turned someone down 
broken someone’s heart: no 
had your heart broken: yeah, by a friend. It is shATTERing 
been arrested: not even a parking ticket in my name 
cried when someone died: no, i am some kind of emotionless egg
fallen for a friend: my heart easily leaps and often trips falls and gets lost
Do you believe in:
yourself: yes, I believe that I can get in, I believe that I can be what I want to be. 
Miracles: I believe in karma more than miracles 
Love at first sight: yes, but not in the way that media portrays it 
Santa claus: nah 
Kiss on the first date: this is weirdly phrased. 
other: 
current best friend name: becky 
Eye colour: brown 
Favourite movie: the other day i was procrastinating and made an official list of favourite movies, which still has a lot of ties: 1/2: httyd 1/2, 3/4: moana, big hero 6, 5/6/7: wreck it ralph, tangled, rise of the guardians,  8/9/10: back to the future 1-3 
wow that took a lot of time, but thanks for tagging me! I’m tagging @thepurplewriter333 @yv-sketches and @animalsarepeople2 on the ones that you didn’t tag me in! also tagging @katlikespie @crazilexa and @fading-shadows for whichever one/s you want to do! 
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prettysei-remade · 7 years
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about me + would you rather (bts edition) tag
yes this is my third tag game post in like two weeks and no i’m not sorry
@bjoogie did this and tagged everyone, which means, of course, that it is physically impossible for me to not do it. i may have a bit of an obsession with these things.
about me:
name: ruby
nicknames: so many.. rib-eye, ruby tuesday, rhubarb, joe, etc.
zodiac sign: scorpio (i’m a nice one i swear)
height: ok i think i’m like 5′8″ but don’t quote me on that
ethnicity: very white. i’ve got that whole english/scottish/irish thing going on
orientation: pansexual
favorite fruits: PEACHES
favorite season: summer
favorite books: the chronicles of narnia series, the giver series, the invention of hugo cabret
favorite flower: i guess i really like white roses, but all flowers are my favorite
favorite animals: unicorns
favorite beverage: hot chocolate (or, like, a white mocha)
favorite scent: vanilla and brown sugar
favorite fictional character(s): tendou satori from haikyuu!!, dizzee kipling from the get down, otabek altin from yuri!!! on ice, leo fitz from agents of shield (i haven’t watched the show in like two years but he’s still my favorite ok)
number of blankets I sleep with: 2-ish; i have both a fuzzy throw and a comforter on my bed but sometimes i don’t sleep with the comforter
hours of sleep: 6-7, 8 on a good night
dream trip: i really want to go to either northern europe or ireland
blog created: h a i made it a little over a year ago but i only really started actually reblogging stuff in like february of this year
number of followers: 79 (most of those are bots tbh. i blog for myself. followers are just a (much appreciated) bonus)
would you rather:
- build a snowman with v OR have a snowball fight with j-hope: i wanna build a weird-looking but fashion-forward snowman with tae, that sounds like so much fun
- get coffee with suga OR ice cream with suga: ice cream with yoongi would be so great omg
- go to the cinema with jimin OR the amusement park with jungkook: LISTEN. i am terrified of heights ok. like deathly afraid. movies with jimin would be infinitely more fun for me.
- do a dance cover with j-hope OR sing a duet with jin: i would probably fail at the dance cover (even though i’m a relatively okay-ish dancer, kind of) in comparison to hobi, but i would love to sing with jin!! i think i’m a better singer than a dancer anyway, and jin’s voice is so beautiful i might cry
- kiss rap monster OR cuddle suga: HONESTLY CUDDLING WITH YOONGI SOUNDS LIKE AN AMAZING DREAM I WOULD HAVE THAT MY BRAIN WOULD WAKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF AND I’D END UP CRYING MYSELF BACK TO SLEEP BECAUSE I WANT TO FINISH IT S O  B A D
- babysit with jimin OR dogsit with v: dogsitting with taehyung would be the cutest thing on the planet don’t even try to argue
- meet j-hope’s family OR have v meet your family: i want to meet hobi’s family, his sister seems so cool tbh??
- film a commercial with j-hope OR sketch with v: looking at my own art/letting people see my own art is a nightmare, plus like...have you seen hobi in all those puma commercials. being face to face with that beauty is a life goal of mine.
- hug jimin OR hold hands with jungkook: i wanna hug the koala i mean jimin bc he’s,,so cuddly i would die
- go to paris with jin OR london with suga: i have literally always wanted to go to london, yoongi would make it twice as amazing
- film a drama with jin OR do a photoshoot with rap monster: a better way of putting this is: do i want to die from embarrassing myself by trying to act, or by being mere feet away from the god of photoshoots himself? idk but i think i’d like the photoshoot pls
- attend an award show with rap monster OR wear couple t-shirts at the airport with jungkook: dude namjoon and i would get so lit at an award show, we’d be jamming so hard and it’d be such a great time omg
- spend a lazy day with suga OR explore a city with j-hope: why would you make me choose. seriously why. i can’t deal with this. but i’m picking the city with hobi bc i would probably make more fun memories and also he’s rlly cute when he’s exploring new places
- fall asleep next to jimin OR wake up next to jungkook: uhh... j...ungkook?? this is also a very difficult question and i would like to do both but jungkook is adorable when he’s sleeping so,,
- have a fun picnic with with j-hope OR a fancy date with jin: ok but a picnic with hobi would literally be the cutest thing?? so 100% that
- have jungkook serenade you OR have v sing you to sleep: taehyung’s voice is so soothing, i would loVE FOR HIM TO SING ME TO SLEEP ARE YOU KIDDING ME
- have a dance party with j-hope OR sing karaoke with suga: karaoke with yoongi would be hilarious bc we’d both do horribly on purpose and laugh at each other
- go camping with jimin and v OR go the the beach with rap monster and suga: i like the beach better, so that i guess
- have a sleep over with hyung line OR a birthday party with the maknae line: sleepover w/ the hyung line, it would either be the most lit party ever or a super chill night in and i would love either of those
- celebrate halloween with jungkook, suga, v and j-hope OR christmas with rap monster, jimin and jin: i’ve never properly celebrated halloween, but it sounds like a ton of fun and i also really love candy so it would be awesome to do that with them
i’m too lazy (and afraid of being hated by my followers i mean what) to actually tag anyone, so if you want to do it, literally just say i tagged you and go for it! 
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milkhakyeon · 7 years
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my heart is still remembering [7kpp day 2; sacrifice]
title: my heart is still remembering
pairing: jasper-centric, kade/jasper
rating: g
summary: it starts to dawn on him that maybe he’s been sacrificing the wrong thing.
a/n: apologies for the super late post! real life has been a pain lately ;-; anyway here's my first 7kpp fic! i only started playing the game three weeks ago so i apologise if they're ooc (i'm taking artistic license with their teenage selves though bc pRECIOUS CHILDREN ;A;)
one of the good things about being a butler, jasper thinks, is that he gets to observe.
he has always liked watching from the sidelines, catching the uncertain waver at the tail end of a sentence or the nervous quiver of a finger. the split second of vulnerability in someone’s eyes. things that no one but him sees.
it is what he is supposed to do, after all. it is his duty, his path, his purpose.
but there are…times. times he wonders why he does the things he does.
times like today.
he gazes at the necklace, lying forgotten at the far end of his drawer.
no, perhaps forgotten isn’t the right word to use. after all, he’d hadn’t been able to truly forget about it. he hates to admit it, but he’d been pushing it as far away from him as he could. but as hard as he’d tried, it hadn’t worked, not really. not when his heart isn’t so easily deceived.
tentatively, he picks the necklace up, fingers brushing over the glass locket. save for the dust that’s settled in a thin film, it’s exactly as he remembers.
maybe that’s the thing. he can try his hardest to block his mind, to force himself not to recall the memories by force of sheer willpower. he’s trained his self-discipline enough that he doesn’t think of him anymore, not unless absolutely necessary. but he can’t control his heart. can’t stop it from twisting painfully when he sees things that used to be special to them. can’t stop it from being drawn to him like a moth to a flame, even as it knows the dangers of playing with fire.
even now, his heart is still remembering.
“found you, kae!”
at six years old, his lips are still unable to enunciate his best friend’s name properly, the word tapering off in a triumphant lilt instead. he’s always been better at hiding than seeking, so victory as a seeker is always extra sweet.
kade shushes him, eye still glued to the tiny crack in between wood panels. jasper pouts, and crouches down next to his best friend.
“what are you looking at?”
kade motions for him to come closer, moving away from the peephole so jasper can see what he’s been staring at.
“do you see it?” kade whispers, voice quick and eager.
jasper’s about to shake his head when a tall, slender girl steps out of a room, dressed in a off-shoulder chiffon gown and heels so high jasper has no idea how anyone can balance in them, much less walk a few steps.
jasper turns to face kade, blinking quizzically. “who is she?”
“doesn’t matter. look behind her.”
jasper peers through the hole again, and this time he sees the man, dressed in formal attire, broad shoulders filling out his blazer nicely.
“see him? that’s my uncle,” kade says smugly, puffing up. “he says i’m gonna become a butler like him when i grow up.”
jasper tilts his head curiously. “you want to become a butler?”
“yeah,” kade nods, leaning against the wooden fence and looking up at the clear sky. “uncle says it’s one of the better, if not the best, jobs on the isle.”
jasper scoots closer, imitating kade and leaning against the fence, though he looks at kade instead. kade turns, and smiles.
“say, jas, how about we become butlers together?”
jasper’s eyes light up, and he nods enthusiastically. kade grins.
“it’s a deal, then.”
before they know it, years have passed, slipping past them like sand through their fingers.
the library is silent, save for the scratching of pen nibs and the rustling of endless sheets of parchment scattered across varnished wood. jasper’s used to silence, especially since it somehow always manages to find him in every conversation he has, so he doesn’t attempt to break it.
kade, however, has never been one for staying still.
so it’s not really a surprise when kade speaks up, baritone voice slicing through the thick silence that had settled over them, though jasper does allow himself to raise an eyebrow at the decidedly unique question.
“jas, do you ever wonder why we're even doing this? why we have to sit for a test that evaluates us on criteria some old hag probably created decades ago?"
for all his incisive remarks, kade has never asked him this before. neither has jasper ever thought about it, for that matter. he has always bought fully into his job, his supposed duty.
“why do you believe so readily in what they tell you? why are we trying to hard to ace a test created to evaluate our worth based on terms they set?”
jasper wants to correct him, wants to defend the values he’s always believed in. but that wouldn’t answer the question, not really. what his friend seeks are reasons. reasons he can’t formulate, reasons he can’t provide. reasons he doesn’t even know.
he knows he has to explain himself, but he doesn’t know how it’s possible to explain something he doesn’t understand.
his mind is a whirl as he tries to piece together his fragmented thoughts into coherent explanations, eyes staring unseeingly at the far end of the table. his pen lies forgotten in his hand, a dark stain slowly spreading where the tip meets parchment.
it takes him a while to organise his thoughts, but he knows kade is used to him and his slow pace by now. after a few long moments, jasper sets his pen down and turns to face kade. looking up to meet his gaze, when—
when kade swipes across his face with ink-stained fingers, laughter bubbling past his lips.
jasper freezes, the sudden streaks of cold moistness on his cheek enough for him to realise what has happened. kade’s eyes have already disappeared behind crescent curves, his laughter a resounding staccato.
he must have stayed silent for very long, because kade slowly sobers up, regarding jasper warily, cautiously, as he leans in closer, raucous laughter subsiding to an awkward chuckle.
“wait, jas, are you mad? i—“
jasper doesn’t wait for him to finish his sentence before he reaches into the ink pot and smears the contents on kade’s nose with more speed than he’d thought he was capable of, his lips betraying a small smile.
kade’s lips curl into a cheshire grin, and jasper has about half a second of a head start to leap out of his chair before kade is chasing him around the room, ink on both his hands, ready to be transferred onto pale unmarked skin.
jasper is still no match for kade, only getting a few smudges in for every five or so marks kade leaves on him, but he finds that he doesn’t mind when it ends with kade pinning him to the table, drawing silly patterns on his face as they laugh, clear and uninhibited and blissful.
later, when they’ve calmed down and realised the mess they’ve made, jasper takes kade’s hands in his, gently rubbing the ink stains off with a handkerchief.
“i can do it myself, you know,” kade sulks, eyes looking everywhere but at jasper.
jasper smiles, breath escaping his lips in a soft chuckle. “yeah, and you’ll only rub off the edges of a few stains before you lose your patience and resign yourself to a woeful fate of spending the rest of the day with ink-stained hands.”
kade scowls, but it doesn’t last long, his lips quirking up in a tiny smile by the end of it.
jasper never does manage to tell kade his answer, but he thinks it doesn’t matter anyway, not when they’re happy and content in this moment and that’s really all that matters.
(isn’t it?)
one day during self-study time after breakfast, kade charms his way through a hallway of servants and sneaks into jasper’s room.
jasper’s always had a tendency to unconsciously block out everything when he works, so he doesn’t notice kade until a flash of silver enters his vision and there are hands fastening a chain at the back of his neck.
he looks down to see a clear glass disc hanging on a woven cord, its thin silver rim encircling bits of dried purple and white flower petals.
“sweet pea and white carnations,” kade mumbles, hovering behind jasper even after he finishes fastening the necklace. “wanted to give you some luck before the test.”
jasper smiles. “they’re our birth month flowers, right?”
“yeah.” kade fidgets awkwardly, eventually shoving his hands into his pockets. “yours mean thank you, as well as blissful pleasure. and mine... when white, they represent good luck.” kade pauses. “well, there’s another meaning, but that one isn’t important."
jasper’s known kade long enough to know he won’t be able to get anything more than what he wants to share out of him, so for all his curiosity, he doesn’t say anything, just runs a finger over the glass almost tenderly. “thank you, kae. it’s beautiful."
“yeah, well, it’s nothing much,” kade says, dismissively, even as a light pink dusts his cheeks. “i’m going back to my room. gotta study to beat you."
jasper laughs, calling out “keep trying!” as kade makes a hasty exit, almost crashing into a servant on his way out.
once he’s alone, he tries to go back to studying, but he soon finds the margins of his notes filled with sketches of flowers.
(kade would've thought that on a place like the isle, with all its concealed nooks and crannies, people would find better hiding spots to discuss their secrets. but no, apparently people like to talk in places that aren’t exactly that obscure.
like the small library.
he’s there searching for books on the isle's rules of conduct, because jasper had complained about needing to find and memorise every single one of them, and between the dark circles under his eyes and his appalling tendency to forget to eat kade decides it's a better idea for him to help him out. though he does have a backlog of work from all the times he skipped self-study time to explore the isle, but well. he'll figure something out later.
he's found the fourth book and eliminated the thirty-seventh when he hears muffled voices carrying over, filtering through the gaps between crisp pages on shelves. he can't quite make out the words, so he edges closer, curiosity piqued.
"...this year's trials will be interesting, don't you think?"
"yes, certainly, though i still can't quite understand why ren decided to sign up for the chef trials instead. he'd make a fine butler, if i do say so myself."
gossip, then. kade's about to turn and leave, disinterested in such inane small talk, only to be stopped in his tracks by something a lot more relevant.
"say, talking about butlers, jasper's practically a shoo-in, isn't he? given that he's our leader's descendant and all."
"yeah, of course. how could we possibly not select our isle's golden boy? even if he were to flunk the test, we'd probably still accept him anyway."
the books fall from kade's arms, tumbling to the ground before he even realises he's let them go. then he's striding out of the library, gaze steeled into a hard glare, tension pulsating in his veins.)
seventeen minutes before the test, jasper finds himself allowing kade to lead him to the small pier, a strong hand wrapped firmly around his wrist.
“i need to talk to you,” kade had said, and jasper had allowed himself to be pulled along, like he always had.
they’re back at their usual hideout, a secluded spot on the far end of the beach, where the wind’s rustling both drowns out the surrounding noise and masks their voices from any eavesdroppers. it’s a mystical place, magical even. jasper would question it if not for the fact that the rest of the isle is equally mystical, and he’d end up having to question the entire basis of his existence.
regardless, he likes this place. whenever they’re here, it feels like they’re the only ones who exist, like they’re the only ones who matter.
but they’re not here for that today.
“i’m leaving the isle,” kade blurts, blunt as always. “come with me.”
jasper pauses, looking up at kade. any other person would either have laughed it off as a joke, but he knows kade, knows him well enough to recognise the look in his eyes. the steely determination burning bright behind violet irises.
“why?”
kade laughs, hollow and haunting.
“i'm sick of this isle, jasper. why not? why do you even want to take the test? why do you want to live under someone else’s terms?”
jasper stares, stunned, before replying disbelievingly, “because it’s our duty. you told me that yourself when we were kids, remember? it’s passed down from generation to generation. it’s more than just culture, or tradition, or beliefs. it’s who we are. who we’re supposed to be.”
kade rolls his eyes. “and who gets to decide that? who has the right to dictate how we should lead our lives?”
“this isn’t dictating! it’s what we were born to do. if we don’t do it, who will?” jasper pleads.
“i don’t know. i don’t care. i don’t want to be a part of it.”
jasper lets out a short, exasperated noise. “kade, what’s gotten into you? why are you needlessly rebelling against our beliefs?”
kade scoffs. “and why are you blindly following in your ancestor’s footsteps? acting like some pet pathetically tagging along wherever its master goes.”
“it’s not called blindly following if i know where i’m going,” jasper says, his face darkening. “what are you trying to do, play around? i don’t know who gave you these ideas, kade, but you need to grow up."
the next thing he knows, kade’s punched him, knuckles connecting hard with bone.
the finger jasper raises to his lip comes away bloody.
“you don’t understand me at all, do you,” kade snarls, voice low and caustic.
jasper doesn’t respond, just looks at kade, gaze laced with hurt and disbelief.
this isn’t the kade he knows.
kade laughs scathingly. “well, i’m leaving,” he says, eyes cold and cruel, "since clearly i’m not good enough for you, mr. golden boy.”
then he stalks off without so much as a second glance back, shoulders set in an angry line.
and jasper’s left alone, wind whipping loud in his ears. too loud.
kade doesn’t show up for the test, because he’s kade. jasper aces it, because he’s jasper.
even after the exam ends, the other candidates are still gossiping about the bloody cut on the corner of his lip, about kade’s absence, about how visibly shaken and distracted jasper had been throughout the test. mostly it's about how they must have fought and what must have happened. whose fault it must have been.
all the candidates get a long break as a reward for studying so hard. jasper doesn’t have the energy to deal with other people, so he retreats to his room and proceeds to spend the rest of his time locked in it.
the days pass by in a daze, sunrises blending into sunsets until he can’t tell the days apart anymore. the servants learn to ignore him when they bring him food or take his laundry or clean his room. he doesn’t notice them anyway, his mind far too focused on something else entirely.
then one day kade walks into his room. he doesn’t say anything, just stands in the doorway, so jasper tries to comfort him. tells him that he can still study and pass the test next year. instead, kade scoffs. tells him that he doesn’t even want to become a butler anymore, and leaves without saying anything else.
the memory is so fuzzy that jasper can’t remember whether it actually happened or not, so he tells himself it was a dream, as if that would somehow make it sting less.
he buries himself in endless silence and endless thoughts, and it’s only weeks later when the head butler personally comes to drag him out to begin his butler duties that jasper finally forces himself to leave the safety of his room.
after years of preparation, he’s gotten the position he’s always wanted. but he feels emptier than he’s ever had, eyes blank and heart numb, a walking shell of his former self.
and now, it’s been years since he became a butler.
it’s been years, and the system is starting to crack and collapse around them all.
the worst part is that jasper, bound by duty, can only watch as it happens.
he's powerless to stop it. he shouldn't be interfering, he should only watch and record as is. it is not his place to do anything.
and yet he desperately wants to. wants to help delegates who deserve it, wants to expose the corruption rooted within the isle staff. wants to ask the reasons why the isle is what it is.
but he doesn’t, because these were the exact things kade had been questioning before he shut him down so harshly, and he’d be a hypocrite to bring it up now.
but it’s been years, and jasper thinks all that time has taught him a little about courage.
the walk to kade’s room is longer than he remembers, but he steels himself to continue. he’s delayed this for far too long. he can't keep hiding anymore.
the locket hangs heavy on his chest as he knocks on the door, tentatively at first, then determinedly. swallows his pride because between the two, it’s the thing he’d rather lose.
kade opens the door, and regards him with an icy, doubtful look.
jasper swallows the fear and hurt and regret bubbling up in his throat. reminds himself to breathe.
“kae. can we talk?"
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uniformbravo · 7 years
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im gonna talk abt my week n shit
read a fuck ton of bnha ugh i love the art style sfm what a pretty manga (even tho the artist himself makes me rly uncomfortable but w/e lmao)
read a fuck ton of mp100 fanfic oh my god theres some Good Shit out there??? but not enough reigen angst tbh (or maybe im just not reading the right fics Shrug)
started watching oofuri again and i??? love it???? i watched most of it 2 yrs ago but it was like. i binged like 20 episodes when i was really fucking sick and throughout the day i was just developing this huge migraine so it’s like, i was mostly confused and i dont remember a lot of it because i felt like i was going to Fucking Die by the end of it so i think that may have had something to do with my uh. failure to finish it. but now im watching it again & uhhh this is the purest show i’ve ever watched in my life the whole team is so supportive of mihashi im actually crying??? ive only watched 5 episodes so far but i love it so much...... what a Good
im,,,, working on a Project,,,, the abot fanart i wanted to do lol so remember how i was complaining about not being able to figure out reigen’s apartment, right, well. i got up the courage to ask the author, who very kindly provided me a rough floor plan sketch so now im like. well now i Have to follow through with this so since i’ve basically committed to doing backgrounds at this point im using the sketch to make a fully rendered floor plan on that website i was messing around with last week hgdhkjgsd because like!! it’s really detailed and you can add actual furniture and shit, and it provides a 3d model of your floor plan that u can walk around inside and it’s basically super useful??  idk if u can adjust the camera height tho so that might be an issue but either way i think it’ll really help with trying to visualize the scene i want to draw since im so unpracticed with drawing backgrounds, right. this is Strategy im not doing this bc i love dying & making things way more complicated than they need to be i swear heres the site link tho in case anyone else wanted to check it out bc idk it seems.... helpful...... (i literally just googled “create a floor plan” and it was like the 1st thing that popped up so) it’s a little janky and there are probably better options out there but this is the one i’ve been specifically messing around with sO
anyway that’s what i’ve been up to the last few days, i have to make a whole other post about today bc Hoo Boy,, stay tuned
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