#flowitpoet

[venividiviniagain]

I'm back 'cuz I'm back to feeling alone. writing is now the sole peace I know silence is deafening, silence is golden silence is what makes bad thoughts embolden silence is deafening, silence is golden silent made my bad thoughts frozen my mind is numb, my heart is ice I'm tired of stopping all of the fights my head, my heart, my hands, my will, all four different directions walking until the end has no end, the end has no end, I keep thinking I've stopped the war,but the end has no end no break between battles, one starts before one's won my head, my heart, my hands, my will All with their artillery, all with their skills my head is a captive to my will's nonchalance my heart is has long lost what my hands have since found If I give up the battle, I give up the war.  But the end has no end, the end has no end. I'm back 'cuz I'm back to feeling alone.  writing is now the sole peace I know. 

[venividiviniagain]

I've been searching the world for the perfect man to fall in love with

much like test driving all the fancy cars

only to find out that I've fallen in love with the test driving itself.

I don't have to commit to a fancy car, and therefore don't have to be responsible for taking car of the car,

yet I can have all of the cars.

[venividiviniagain]

I've been wasting so much time  falling behind

my palms and knees have imprinted on them a picture of what the ground look like when I tried

to hit the ground running.

[venividiviniagain]

My father.  Ever since I was 8 he was in and out of a job. He'd find a job, get into a fight with management, then quit or get fired. It was ironic, since the job he was the worst at  was being a father.  If you ask him when my birthday is, He wouldn't be able to tell you. And you'd think he would know since having a child is supposed to be one of the best and biggest days of your life. I dare you to ask him my age, or my major in school. Watch how uncomfortable he gets, like a student getting quizzed on a subject he really doesn't care for. 

My mother She says the only reason she hasn't divorced him yet was because my sister hasn't graduated high school, That once the nest was empty, she would do it. She said  she was waiting because we deserved a father figure in our lives,  and that by leaving him, she would be depriving us of a crucial part of our development. She probably doesn't remember that one time in 8th grade when I sat her down and told her that I wouldn't mind if she left him.  Or how the neighborhood told her to take me and my sister and leave him, because they were convinced he'd harm us. I will never understand people who like to stay in such toxic situations. Like they like the feeling of salt burning an open wound. 

[venividiviniagain]

Sometimes I wonder If I let him fuck deeper if he'd touch my soul.

[venividiviniagain]

Funny how I can read you, When I can’t see you Like braille But I can’t touch you. Or an audio book But I can’t hear you. Because your feelings pass through the air Like wifi and I’m addicted to the internet, scrolling down your thoughts like tweets And I’m your biggest fan. No man spends most of their time with a woman without having feelings for her. I could see it on your face. And when you found out she was in love with someone else? I had sympathy pains. But I’m in the audience and the situational irony is killing me. You don’t know how much the other guy is stringing her along, saying one thing and doing another. All I want to do is run up to you and bop you on the head. Coulda had a V8. Maybe then you would be able see what I know.

[venividiviniagain]

If the words they speak are as smooth as their moves in bed,  Damn, how I'd love to date a poet. 

[venividiviniagain]

If bathroom stalls spoke The first thing they'd utter Is CHECK OUT THAT ASS.

[venividiviniagain]

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your tears. I come to bury them, not to praise them. Only to acknowledge that yes, you are going through Some hard shit but let the hard shit eat shit 6 feet under encased in decaying tree parts That in a year you'll have forgotten about. Let your worries flow out of your mind through your eyes Breathe a sigh of relief the size of my love for each and every one of you The ones of you who never think anyone is listening Or that no one has an ear to lend the fear it tends to keep you silent. Don’t be fooled. Just because I stand behind this mic doesn’t mean I like the sound of my own voice. I, like you, had to find my voice drowned deep in the shrieks of the worst night of my life that I still struggle to talk about. After years of stumbling around thinking I had lost it, I heard it screaming, yelling at me from the bottom of the pit that I had found myself in. And that’s when I realized the only way to go from here is up. Don’t be fooled. Most stories you hear of struggle are written in past tense But mine is in the present and I present to you the prime example of why you shouldn’t give up. I’m getting through it right now. I’m figuring out how to outlive the catastrophes and Bury them away. Et tu, compadres. So friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your tears, your fears, the pain the fights the bad nights the worst days let them go into the ground, and die.

[venividiviniagain]

therapy

They said I should probably go to therapy, the pills aren't working enough. I sat back in my chair, taking in the air,  knowing finding a therapist would be tough. I spent hundreds on a lady from church, a grand on a man from Peru, $600 for a lady who was a personal trainer, but it was only $5 for me to find you.  I saw you from across the room,  of this dimly lit space,  and what caught my eye out of all of your features, was that you didn't even have a face. All you had was an ear to hear the pain coming from within. You helped me bring out all the darkness into the light.  You amplified my tiny voice so that everyone would listen to my struggle, and see me grow and change and learn to get out of my plight.  They said I should probably go to therapy, the pills aren't working enough. So every week I come to you with more stories, more problems, more triumphs, more pitfalls, knowing you'll  listen, and turn this one ear into hundreds of ears, just listening to what I have to say. 

[venividiviniagain]

He sat down at the bar,  exhausted, weary.  And with an unmistakably Eastern European accent flowing from his lips, he said to the bartender,

"I'll have a Black Russian."

I stopped sipping on my drink and side-eyed the man next to me. We locked eyes. His were an amazing light brown, almost hazel, burning brightly against his beautiful skin. It was the first time I'd ever seen a black Russian drinking a Black Russian.

[venividiviniagain]

we are born, brilliant, fascinating human beings we are, then we go to school to learn just how far the beautiful race has come since we first began recording history, and where to go from here and what we can do to help our future grow even brighter, and then we go off and we do it.  but do we though? We got selfish. I mean, we're only human.  Our innate desire and determination to have it all has been twisted and warped, and we've forgotten how beautiful we really are. 

We've made a universal system for getting whatever we want, and now we've got blinders on racing to get it. Money. It has consumed us. It's become the language of the powerful, the bullet for the poor, and the rich just pull the trigger. 

We are born, brilliant, fascinating human beings we are, then we go to school, nickel-and-dimed for the precious information that helped the human race get to where we are now. then we go to work, anywhere we can, slaving to regain what it felt like to stand on solid financial ground again.

tl,dr: My late nights of watching too much Doctor Who has gotten to me. 

[venividiviniagain]

lose dose done                       dont                              dent                                   bent                                   bet                                      why does it take so long  pet                                    for us to try so hard  pat                                          to look physically attractive fat

get let                                     for them too take a fleeting look met                                        and realize we men                                                 were beautiful all along?  

[venividiviniagain]

dilemmas

baby. baby, love me. Love my kiss, my smile, the way I look at you with eyes of love and lust and wanting everything for you, baby. Spend your nights with me- maybe you’d begin to feel more than just the warmth of our bodies. more than just the touch, the feel of my bare skin touching yours and our legs intertwined and your lips will move to let the the words I love you escape them.  stop being so cold and shut in and  just open the door and look inside, we’re inside our hearts.  but under one condition. don’t look at me.  Don’t take me for face value because face value devalued my invaluable ability to uncontrollably unconditionally love. The kind of love people pine for but aren’t finding because bindings of book covers to the pages in between has left beautiful stories on the shelf unread.  And this book cover is harder to change out than you give me credit for so baby, pick me. Let me love you, but don’t look at me. 

[venividiviniagain]

..)- -(..

                 curiosity                formulated            from             this        dumb                  idea       that                   maybe                              you                          had                          me                         on                        your                       mind?                      Know                        I'd                       love                         t'make                      you                     happy.

[venividiviniagain]

Nothing in this world affects me Nothing draws upon my emotions faster Nothing renders me useless, my emotions untameable

than when I found out you put that fucking stick back in your mouth. Nothing hurts me more Nothing affects me more

Than when you chose to do it again. When you chose cigs over kids, During the most opportune time to change things around.

Then when you are nice to me, and when you say nice things Like, "Keep it up", "We came to see you". I get even more emotionally lost. and I'm the one who is more emotionally intact, I thought. The fuck.