#flu shot new york

[theonewiththefanfics]

Pain in the Light (one-shot)

Synopsis: Feelings can be difficult, especially when you don't truly feel worthy of love. And sometimes, when your biggest dream comes true, it's hard to believe it possible, leaving you exposed and raw.

Pairing: Robert 'Bob' Reynolds x fem!Reader (ex-Black Widow)

Genre: mainly angsty, bit of fluff in the end (Bob is working through a lot in this, and learning how to allow himself to be loved :) )

Warnings: canon-typical violence, swearing, implied exploitation of children (nothing is ever described, but there are certain implications), injuries of broken bones :) can't really think of anything else that needs to be added

Word count: 12,477

Technically Part 2 to Peace in the Darkness, but can be read alone :). English isn’t my first language, minimally proof-read so proceed with caution :D All characters belong to Marvel

Bob never listened to the people who said shadows grew longer in the dark because they didn’t. Shadows were made of it, so they could only return home, return to where they belonged. It was daylight that changed things.

            Edges were suddenly sharper, the color denser, their shapes stark and painful. It’s why he hated it.

            At night, he could blend in, hide inside the blackness, wrap it around like a dull, pulsing blanket, and drown in it. But during the day? Bob had nowhere to hide. He was lit up and exposed.

            The New York sky, however, was grey.

            Not black as the night, but not bright blue of summer either.

            Just... Perfectly in the middle.

            And that about summed up how Bob was feeling, as he awaited the rolling storm clouds he could see on the horizon, bringing with them rain and thunder and lightning.

            He’d thought about going up to the roof, despite his dislike of heights. Thought about waiting around and getting drenched by the oncoming downpour, and maybe even getting struck by Thor, wherever the Thundergod was. But Yelena would call him dramatic, and tease him about it to no end, so instead, he just sat in his empty room, and stared out the floor-to-ceiling window, as she watched the skies for the familiar shape of their QuinJet, announcing that Y/N was back from her mission.

            A mission, she wasn’t even supposed to be on, but had jumped on the second Bob had put his foot in his mouth.

            The man dropped his head between his knees, releasing a large sigh.

            God, he was an idiot. Maybe it was genetic, or maybe it was a side-effect of the Sentry serum because nobody normal would do such a thing.

            It had all gone down a bit more than two weeks prior, which was insane because the day had started out perfectly.

            There had been nothing on anyone’s agenda that day. No missions, no briefings, no horrendous galas where Valentina stuffed them inside suits and dresses, telling them to make polite with investors. There was just… peace.

            Bob had awoken like he’d done so for the past three months since the ‘flu incident’ – in Y/N’s bed, her curtains half-open to let the morning light filter in and rouse them naturally, while still a couple of mushroom-shaped nightlights illuminated the room in a golden glow.

            Classical music played throughout the night, the volume so low, you had to really listen to even hear it, but Bob could distinguish the piano tune of Claude Debussy’s Clair de Lune, as the melody was accompanied by the harmony of Y/N’s soft snores.

            He always felt a bit awkward on the mornings he’d awoken tangled up with her, always intending to go to his own room, but the calming atmosphere would take over and lull him to sleep before he was even aware of his own drifting mind.

            On more than one occasion, Y/N had told him not to worry about it, that she enjoyed his company and if being in her room was the one way he could sleep through the night without interruptions, then so be it.

            “We take care of each other,” she’d shrugged as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

            Because after nights when his dreams had been too intense for him to handle alone, sometimes so bad he could feel The Void curling somewhere at the edge of his consciousness, he’d try to slip out of her room, not wanting to wake her up, but instead, he would feel Y/N’s hand curling around his, as if there was some invisible thread connecting them, where she could feel him, and the emotions warring in him. With a simple touch, she'd guide Bob back to the light, back to comfort and peace.

            There were always at least four pillows on the bed, two for her, two for him, all covered in silk cases, because as Y/N had informed him, it was better for skin and hair, even though he felt lucky enough to have something soft to place his head on.

            It was now normal for him to awake to the smell of caramel and chocolate nowadays, as when he’d open his eyes, on more than one occasion, there would be a steaming mug of cocoa on the bedside table closest to him.

            The first time it had happened, Bob didn’t really know what to say, as he imagined Y/N, sneaking out of her room to make him the drink (a pump of caramel syrup, two spoons of cocoa powder, half hot water, half-warm milk, topped with mini-marshmallows), and tiptoeing back inside without waking him, just so when he did rise, he would have something sweet and warm waiting already.

            When Bob had taken hold of the mug (one of Y/N’s nice ones, one she didn’t allow anyone else to use), a frown pulled on his face as he stared at it. It was her hand on his shoulder that pulled him out of his thoughts.

            “Do – do you not like it?” She bit down on her lip, eyeing the mug. “Because I can go and remake it if you-”

            “Don’t!” Bob turned his body to the side, twisting it in a way so that she couldn’t take the drink. “I just… Thank you… You didn’t have to do this…”

            Y/N snorted, shaking her head and venturing inside the bathroom to start on her morning routine, as she noted Bob taking a sip. “I don’t have to do a lot of things. But I wanted to…”

            But even this, even the cocoa that Y/N had made him sometime in the early hours, this time with vanilla syrup as they must’ve run out of caramel, even her rolling back into the bed to catch some more sleep, couldn’t have prepared him for how things would go down.

            By the time the two actually got out of bed, most of the tower inhabitants were already halfway through their day.

            Bucky seemed to be on his sixth cup of coffee, more of a taste addiction than anything else, Bob had noted, because much like him, his super-soldier serum burned off the caffeine in no time. But he understood the need. If anything, it was a way to survive those congress Zoom-meetings he got stuck in even on his days off.

            Alexei and Walker, by the looks of it, had already been in the gym, the Red Guardian most likely testing John’s patience, as they exchanged blows while the older man recounted some tall tale about a mission in Russia during his glory days. Now, they were seated around the high-top counter, Alexei wolfing down an alarming amount of pancakes, while Walker ate on a pair of eggs, always sunny-side up.

            Then there was Ava, sprawled all over the middle of the couch, tinkering with some part of her suit while grumbling under her breath when sparks flew, while Yelena sat on the floor by the coffee table, glaring at the screen as a rerun of The Great British Bake-Off played, Bucky’s white cat Alpine having claimed her lap as the best napping spot.

            “That is not a croquembouche, you fucking donkey,” the blonde scoffed. “I swear some of these people were dropped on their heads as kids.”

            “Getting heated there, Lena,” Y/N chuckled, rounding the couch and plopping down next to Ava who’d opened up a spot, while Bob settled on Y/N's other side, taking one of the many blankets they had and throwing it over their legs.

            Immediately Alpine was up and stretching, because although she was Bucky’s, everyone knew, Bob was her real true love, and he couldn’t be happier about the feline having claimed him as her person. The intense purrs reverberated right into his bones, a sense of calm blooming through his veins.

            Yelena groaned, throwing her head back and covering her face with her hands, before resting her cheek against Y/N’s knee. “I am so over idiots defiling delicious pastry recipes. I bet they'd fuck up Kraft Mac & Cheese.”

            Y/N patted the top of Yelena’s head, fingers lightly scratching the other woman’s scalp. “I’m sure Prue and Paul won’t allow him to get too far.”

            “Actually, he almost gets to the finale,” Ava piped up without lifting her eyes from the suit.

            Yelena let out an indignant, “What!?”

            “What do you mean ‘what’? It’s an old season,” Ghost pointed at the screen.

            “I’m more offended anyone would give that monstrosity a second chance. You know, if I was a judge, I’d have a firing squad with me.” Yelena crossed her arms as yet another contestant messed up their choux pastry and had to start all over.

            “No offence, but I think there’s a reason you’re not,” Bob muttered over the rim of his cocoa, the sweet drink sliding down his throat and warming him from the inside.

            “Hey, I’m just saying that maybe, higher stakes would make all these people better and not mess up as much. Like – mess up a dough, get a cap in the knee.”

            “But messing up is half the fun of it all!” Ava said, clearly more invested in their conversation now, than the half-assembled suit in her lap, Alpine sneaking a paw over Y/N’s lap to swat at an exposed wire. “But if you wanna sic a firing squad on someone, I volunteer Walker. That man barely salts his eggs, and that is a federal offence.”

            “I heard that!” John hollered from the adjacent kitchen.

            “You were meant to!” Ava rolled her eyes as she whispered to the people on the couch. “Honestly, we should’ve left him in the incinerator.”

            “I have super-hearing, so I heard that too!”

            “You know what? Good!” Ava jumped up from her seat. “Then maybe you could do us all a favor and fuck off back there!”

            “Go screw yourself, Ava!” John’s fork clattered against his plate.

            But Bob wasn’t listening anymore, as their bickering moved on in the same fashion because, in the end, he knew there was no maliciousness to their words.

            They fought and argued, but there was care underneath it all. It was like having a bunch of brothers and sisters, who only you could bully, but if someone else tried to, you best be sure, your head would be ripped off in a matter of a second.

            Well, except for one person he didn’t view as a sister… one that made his heart beat out of rhythm. He took a chance to glance at Y/N out of the corner of his eye. She was conversing with Yelena, both consciously making the decision to engage in English, so Bob didn’t feel left out of the conversation. She still had slightly mussed hair, a sleepy look in her eyes, and she was picking at the skin around her thumb, a nervous habit she couldn’t get rid of.

            Bob itched to slip his hand in hers. To stop her from harming the finger, he told himself. No other reason.

            He could do it. He knew Y/N wouldn’t mind. She never did. But the parts that made him up, warred with one another.

            Void always whispered how pathetic he was, unable to act on his feelings, so why would she ever accept him in a romantic sense.

            Sentry would no doubt say how there was no universe where Y/N didn’t feel the same. He was a god with an ego bigger than the suns he possessed in his body.

            But Bob… the part of him he wished people loved and cared for most… Bob was just… afraid.

            Because no matter what happened, if he told her how he felt, things would inevitably change. And that was the most terrifying thing of it all. Because what if it changed and everything became bad? What if Y/N didn’t want him around anymore? Not just in her room, but in general?

            No.

            Bob had worked too hard on himself, on letting people in, on caring for them and allowing them to care for him. He wasn’t about to ruin the family he’d gained, no matter if a fourth voice continuously whispered somewhere in the back of his mind. A little voice called ‘hope’, asking him “But what if it only gets better? What if she does love you the same?”

            What if? What if… what if…

            And yet, he couldn’t answer those questions, if he didn’t ask first.

            He would get there, he promised himself. One day, he would be able to gather all the courage he had and would tell Y/N what he felt. He just… he wasn’t ready yet.

            So Bob sat there, drinking in those moments of domesticity, while he sipped on his cocoa, relishing in the feeling of simply being allowed to exist and being loved for the simple fact that he did.

            The moment, however, was interrupted by the intercom system announcing there was a delivery for one Y/N Y/L/N.

            “Thank you!” She called out, standing up from the couch and stretching. “Send them up to the 126th floor, please. We’ll take it from here.”

            Yelena raised a brow, as she peered up at the woman. “What did you buy?”

            “Nothing,” Y/N shrugged, throwing her a coy smile. “Just something to spruce up my room with. And uh, maybe something that emptied Valentina’s wallet a bit.”

            Bob frowned, looking down at the cat in his lap, Alpine’s fluffy belly up as his fingers ran through the fur. “Valentina gave you her card?”

            “No,” Y/N snorted, nudging Yelena’s shoulder with her leg. “But I’m sure she won’t mind. After all, we do own her.”

            “Oh,” he could feel his heart fall as the hope receded.

            Yelena tilted her head towards him. “Oh? What do you mean ‘oh’? What’s up?”

            “Nothing, no…” Bob shook his head. “I just thought if she was, you know, allowing us to send in some requests for our rooms, I had uh, a couple of things I wanted, but it’s fine…”

            Both Widows shared a glance as a blush of embarrassment rushed through his body, lighting up his cheeks tomato red.

            “Bobik,” Yelena rose to sit on her knees, resting an elbow on the couch next to him, eyes incredibly soft. “What is it that you’d like?”

            He waved her off, Alpine letting out a disgruntled meow as he stopped the petting. “It’s nothing.”

            The blonde’s brows drew together as she scooted closer, while Y/N crossed her arms over her chest. “Do not do that. Do not minimize your wants or needs. Now, tell us what we need to beat up Frankenstein’s Bride over.”

            “No, really, it’s nothing.” Bob let out a nervous chuckle, pulling at his sleeve. “I mean, my therapist just suggested that uh, a weighted blanket might help me fall asleep better, and stuff… but it’s fine, really. It’s no big deal.”

            Y/N let out an incredulous scoff. “And Valentina didn’t get you one? That’s like nothing for her!”

            “I – I mean, she just said it’d be an unnecessary expense… that I already have a duvet and… yeah...”         

            “Unnecessary expense my ass,” she grumbled, throwing a look at Yelena, the two communicating once again without the need for words.

            Bob wondered if he would ever have that kind of a connection, where a whole conversation could pass with just a glance. He wondered if it was something you had to forge through fire like the two women had gone through, or if it could also be something that could grow softly, like a flower emerging from nurtured soil… he wondered if he could have it with Y/N one day, if she’d allow such a bond to form between them…

            But before anyone could say anything, the elevator dinged, and as the doors opened, Alexei gasped as if a life-sized Wheaties box with his face stamped over it, had stepped out into the room.

            “What is that?” the man guaffed in awe as five guys dragged boxes into the common area, one the size of a building, in Bob’s humble opinion.

            “That,” Y/N smirked, moving over to admire her purchase, “is my new bed.”

            “That is not a bed, that is a monstrosity,” Yelena breathed out, walking over to the boxes like a woman possessed. “I want one!”

            “I can send you the link if you’d like. It’s the Alaskan King size, by the way.”

            “And how much did this thing set Valentina back?” Ava ran a hand over the cardboard where the mattress lay as Y/N shrugged her shoulders, once more picking at her thumb.

            “For her, it was basically a dime.”

            Walker raised a brow, sipping on his coffee. “And what is basically a dime in normal-people money?”

            “Just like… eight thousand dollars or something.”

            “Eight thousand!?” Bob, Alexei and Yelena all let out together, while Ava scoffed, Walker almost choked on his drink and Bucky just let out a heavy and resigned sigh, no doubt thinking of how Valentina would be on his ass about this, as their unofficial-official team leader.

            “Oh, please!” Y/N rolled her eyes, thanking the delivery men before they left. “Like that will hurt her. I’d like to see her try and do something about it. Her only leverage against us is money, so she has to make nice with us, not the other way around. Besides,” she threw her gaze towards Bob. “Avengers need a good night’s sleep to avenge stuff. Good sleep means good mental health, means good missions. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some very large Legos to put together.”

            It took Y/N a bit of bribery and good old-fashioned threatening, but soon enough she’d coerced Bucky into helping her, while pulling Walker quite literally by his ear, Alexei following on his own full of enthusiasm to see the bed be put together, leaving Bob and Yelena on their twosome, as Ava decided she was gonna go for a coffee and, “put together a list for Valentina”, as Y/N had encouraged them all to do.

            And sure, there were other things he wanted for himself, for his room to make it homier, but Bob couldn’t push himself to do anything. He could only sit there, hand mindlessly moving across Alpine’s belly as Prue and Paul crowned Star-Baker of the week, while something in his stomach curdled.

            He knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way because it literally had nothing to do with him, but as an over-thinker, it was a talent he possessed – attaching meaning to things they didn’t have.

            And Y/N’s big new bed just screamed to him, she wanted space.

            It was Yelena nudging his shoulder that brought him back to the present. “You are glaring at the screen like you want it to melt.”

            Bob wanted to say it was nothing, but the words came spilling out without a way for him to stop. “She’s tired of me, isn’t she?”

            Slowly he raised his eyes to look at the woman, her mouth open a little in confusion. “Who is tired of you?”

            “Y/N,” he sighed. “She thinks I’ve invaded her space, doesn’t she?”

            “Hey, whoa, what is making you say all this stuff?”

            A pained smile bloomed on his lips, as he scratched Alpine under her chin. “Yelena, that bed spans a whole continent... she just doesn't know how to tell me she wants me gone... She's just too kind to be that cruel...”

            But even as he was speaking, Yelena was just shaking her head. “Don’t do that. Don’t start imagining things that aren’t true. I promise you, I swear it on Nat’s grave, Y/N isn’t tired of you. But please, for my sanity’s sake, go talk to her.”

            “Yelena,” Bob started but was interrupted by a pointed finger at his face.

            “No!” she took Alpine from his lap, the cat letting out an offended meow as she took him by the shoulders. “Go and talk to her and stop inventing dramatic scenarios.”

            By the look on her face, Bob was almost a hundred percent sure, Yelena was ready to grab him by the ear like Y/N had done to Walker and drag her to the woman’s room, so he was on his feet, quick to get a move on.

            But as he entered the private elevator that would take people to their rooms, his nerves couldn’t help but grow.

            Because that bed, despite no doubt being comfortable, and something Y/N deserved, his brain had taken it as quite the literal way of her putting space between them.

            As Bob moved along the hallway, he could hear gentle humming interrupted by swearing in Russian and groans of frustration. When he knocked against the doorframe, despite the door being open, he saw Y/N sprawled out on her stomach, struggling against a fitted sheet, and it looked like the sheet was winning.

            “I did not think this through,” she muttered through clenched teeth, hands on her hips and glaring at the piece of cloth like it had stolen something from her.

            “Do – do you need any help?” Bob let out a nervous laugh. “I can hold one end as you put the other on.”

            The smile she threw him was almost blinding. It was like he was looking directly into the sun, so he had to avert his gaze. “You’d be a literal lifesaver if you did.”

            Without raising his eyes, Bob moved to hold one edge down, as Y/N slipped the light grey sheet over, tucking in his own side until all four corners had been conquered.

            She fist-bumped the air, throwing their pillows onto the bed before hopping onto the mattress. It was so high, she could even dangle her feet while sitting on it. His blue eyes trailed over her form, as she bounced, testing the springs before plopping onto her back, hands outstretched in both directions.

            The bed spanned almost literally the whole wall, running from one corner to the other, with barely enough space for the two bedside tables to be pushed against either side.

            Can you not pick up on a hint? Void’s voice echoed from some deep recess of his mind. She doesn’t want you with her.

            And it was true. If he wanted to sleep next to her, side by side, he’d have to roll over at least twice now.

            But he didn’t have time to listen to his self-deprecating thoughts as Y/N called out to him, probably having noticed his vacant stare. “You alright?”

            “Yeah, yeah,” he nodded. “It’s just a – a very big bed.”

            “I know!” Y/N grinned. “I think we’re gonna have the best sleep ever on this thing!”

            “We?” The word was out before he could think better of it.

            Y/N raised her brow. “Yeah… unless you don’t want to stay the night. Which is cool. You obviously have your own room and…”       

            Bob looked over at the woman, as her sentence trailed off. But where he usually was the one who couldn’t handle a direct look, she had to break eye contact this time. Not only that, she was once more picking along the skin of her thumb.

            His heart pounded at the fact she was nervous around him. Because that carried certain implications, and there was no way he could curb the hope that rose in him.

            He cleared his throat, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweats, rolling back and forth on his heels. “I just… when I saw how big the bed was, I just thought you might be feeling like I’m crowding you. Like I’ve been taking up too much of your personal space.”

            Y/N glanced up at him, brows pulling together in a furrow. “But you are taking up space. As you should.”

            “Yeah, but it’s your room.”

            However, one hard look around would immediately tell anyone who entered, that two people lived there, and that was where Bob's issues lay. Bob felt like an invader. No matter the fact that he’d been invited, no matter the fact, that Y/N always encouraged him to be around her if he so wished, he felt like a cat-burglar instead of a guest.

             Bob’s spare sweaters were strewn about, over her settees and desk chair, sweats mixing in with Y/N’s own laundry. A pair of his slippers were neatly tucked under the new bed-frame on the side he usually slept on. Hell, he even had his deodorant and toothbrush in her bathroom, sitting in the same cup as her own. That and so many other bits and pieces of him were scattered around the place, which made it no longer solely hers.

            Bob never knocked anymore to ask if he could come inside. Mainly because he was already there. Sometimes, when Y/N was out on a mission, he would be in her room, as if his gravitational pull had shifted from the core of the earth to the woman who lived across the hall, body and mind craving to be surrounded by anything that was she.

            And Bob felt guilty about it, which Y/N could probably read from his body language, the way he hung his head, hands jittery in his pockets and lip between his teeth.

            “I didn’t order the bed because I feel uncomfortable with you next to me,” her voice was impossibly soft. “I ordered it so we both could have a bit more room, but still sleep next to one another. I uh…” Y/N swallowed hard, moving into a sitting position while Bob, taking a deep breath, sat down next to her, their knees touching like they usually did. Even his feet dangled above the floor. “Look. I’ve never really had a bed of my own. So, when this whole New Avengers shtick became a solid thing, I swore to myself I’d get the most ridiculous princess bed, I could find. And I just thought, you know, I know we both have issues with sleep and stuff… why not get the biggest one I could find? Does that make sense?”

            Bob mulled over her words.

            It did make sense. He couldn’t deny how easily Y/N’s presence banished The Void to somewhere he couldn’t bother them.  And he also understood wanting to be surrounded by nothing but soft and warm things. He himself had an alarming collection of blankets, courtesy of everyone in the tower gifting him at least one.

            Her lips pulled up in a smile as he nodded, worried features softening and relaxing, as she added, “And we can both be starfishes and not hit one another in the face as well.”

            “It was one time!” Bob let out a genuine laugh, as Y/N dropped back onto the bed, and so did he, mimicking the position.  He turned his head towards her. “I stand corrected. This is amazing.”

            “You’re pretty amazing,” Y/N spoke so quietly, he would have missed it unless he’d already been looking at her and completely attuned to her voice.

            It took a second for him to register what she’d said, what she’d meant, but once it did, immediately heat was crawling all over him, his head snapping to look up at the ceiling. “I – I mean, I’m just…”

            “Amazing,” she reiterated, only louder this time. “And kind, and you… you’re just everything.” Then, Y/N took in a deep breath, as if preparing for something big, like diving right under an oncoming tidal wave. “I like you, Bob.”

            “You uh,” he swallowed the lump lodged in his throat, “You like like me? Or like me like a friend? You know, which we are…”

            “Like like you,” and then after a moment she whispered, “I think I might even be falling in love with you.”

            Slowly he turned his head to the side, wide blue eyes meeting her hopeful Y/E/C ones. He could see how much courage it had taken her to tell him this. The way her finger was rubbed almost raw at the side, the way her chest was close to heaving, breaths stuttering half-way between her throat and lungs.

            But Bob didn’t think his heart was working right. Which meant that blood wasn’t circulating around his body. Which meant he had to be brain-dead, as it was the only reasonable explanation for what happened next, because instead of showering her in the love he felt, instead of pulling her by the neck to mold their lips together, he stuttered out, “Oh… I uh… I… don’t…”

            Y/N’s eyes widened, and as the silence stretched on after what he’d managed to expel from his mouth, she sat up, gaze everywhere but on him. “That’s uh, that’s fine.” She swallowed hard, nodding as she did so while blinking rapidly. “I’ll just… I’m just gonna go… sorry…”

            And then she was gone.

            Out of her own room faster than lightning could strike.

            Which, honestly, Bob hoped would, because as his mind caught up to what his mouth had done, that he’d basically told the woman he was head-over-heels for, that he didn’t reciprocate her feelings, felt worthy of Thor’s wrath.

            He had to find her.

            He had to explain to Y/N that he’d meant to say he didn’t know what to say. That it was only in his dreams he ever heard those words from her.

            He had to beg and crawl for her forgiveness and hope that if he did confess his true feelings, she would find it in her heart to give him a chance.

            Bob stumbled and almost crashed to the ground, as his foot caught against the bed-frame when he jumped off, panic settling in his body. The tower was huge, and though he was really the one who spent the most time in it, finding all the nooks and crannies one could hide in, Y/N had a handicap. She could already be somewhere out in New York. Then he would never be able to find her.

            But he had to start somewhere, so slowly, he combed through the place floor by floor, asking anyone that passed him if they’d seen the woman, only to receive small “no, sorry” or shakes of heads. He even took a peek in the vents at one point, because he thought he heard a sound. Yet instead of Y/N, he found some old chip packets, dating back to 2012, which in Bob’s humble opinion, couldn’t be sanitary and Valentina should really get a cleaning crew up there.

            By the time he got down to the first level and asked the receptionists if they’d seen Y/N, two hours had passed. Once again, he was met by murmured apologies and pitying gazes.

            Fuck, Bob had really royally screwed everything up.

            With his shoulders hunched, he entered the elevator, and with one last ray of hope still shining in his chest, rode all the way up to the roof, but when nothing but the wind and sun greeted him, he had to admit his defeat.

            The elevator dinged, announcing his arrival at the common area, Yelena, Alexei and Bucky, all sitting around the kitchen table enjoying their lunch while Ava kept phasing in and out, testing the modifications of her suit.

            He wanted to scurry past them over to the private elevator, drawing as little attention as possible, but Yelena’s low, “You. Come here. Now,” made Bob tuck his tail between his legs and venture over to the trio, well, quartet as Alpine sat on the counter too.

            In times like these, Bob hated having people who cared so deeply about him, mostly because they wouldn’t allow him to wallow in his misery, close himself off to the world, and drown in the rising darkness.

            “What happened?” Yelena asked, chewing on a piece of what looked like Chow Mein.

            “Nothing,” he mumbled, only looking at Alpine, but even she seemed to be judging him.

            “Sure,” Yelena dragged out the word, sarcasm dripping through the one syllable. “Then please do tell, why did I hear Y/N begging to go on a last-minute mission with Walker?”

            Bob’s throat threatened to close up. “She – she went on a mission? To where?"

            “Beirut,” Bucky supplied, as he watched his fellow teammate's brows shoot to his hairline.

            “Beirut!? Wh – wha – what’s she doing there? Why is she there?”

            The former Winter Soldier sighed, pushing away at Alpine who was pawing at some of his stir-fried rice. “I dunno. You tell us, because Walker got called out on a reconnaissance mission, and when Y/N heard, she practically sprinted to me, to ask if she could be assigned. Which is weird, because she hates dealing with John on her own, so the fact that she went with him voluntarily makes me really worried.”

            “Well, how – how long will she be away?”

            “A week or two, if things go well. Though given the fact it’s them, I wouldn’t place my bets on it.”

            “A week!?” the word came out way louder and squeakier than he intended it to.

            “Bob,” Yelena’s tone was low and steady, as she placed a hand on his elbow. “What happened? Did you two, by any chance, have a certain… conversation?”

            Of course, Yelena knew. The women were like peas in a pod, sharing everything, and honestly, Bob couldn’t fault them or mind it. Even if he wanted to keep the humiliating aspect of being the reason Y/N might have needed to seek comfort in her sister’s embrace because of his own idiocy.

            “M-maybe? It was more so that Y/N talked and I…”

            She waved her hand in a rolling motion for him to continue. “And you?”

            Bob could hear the clinking of the dishes, despite the thundering in his chest. “And I fucked it up.”

            The second he said so, he collapsed onto one of the stools, burying his head in his palms. Instantly, everyone stopped eating, turning all their attention onto him. Even Alpine swatted at his head with her paw, making him look up at the white feline. Two green eyes bore into his.

            “Bobik, tell us everything,” Alexei said, as he clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Spare no detail. We are team. We are family. We will help.”

            Bob sighed. “Yeah, I don’t think you can help with this one.”

            “Sure, we can!” Ava phased fully into the room, putting her hands on her hips as she scoffed. “Come on! It’s not like she professed her love to you, and you shot her down! Everything but that might be fixable.”

            God, he wanted to die.

            The incinerator sounded nice right about now. Maybe Valentina still wanted to get rid of them, and he could trigger some hidden switch. Or maybe the tower could just suddenly collapse. He would give anything for an alien invasion, as he watched the realization hit in everyone’s faces that that had been exactly what had happened.

            A bunch of groans from all around made Bob slink down in his seat even more, his chin resting against the granite.

            “But you love her!” Alexei boomed, standing up from his chair. “Why would you say not so?”

            “I know!” Bob whined. “I do! I just… I didn’t expect her to say she loved me too, and I… clammed up. I just…” He sighed, pressing his forehead to the counter, soaking up the cool sensation. “I never imagined there might be a real possibility she did feel the same. So when Y/N just blurted it out… I froze.”

            “Oh, Bobik…” Yelena dropped her own face in her hands, mimicking his previous position. She took in a deep breath before looking at him. “You know what, okay. Okay… this is not that bad. We just need a game plan, yes?”

             “A game plan? For what?” he scoffed, lightly hitting his head against the surface. “Y/N is never gonna talk to me ever again. And honestly, I don’t blame her.”

            “No!” Yelena pointed at him with an accusatory finger, Bob rolling his eyes at this. “No. Listen here, we have a whole week we can plan. Because I just cannot go through any more of you two pining for one another like some lovesick puppies. Every day it is ‘oh, Bob is just so sweet and handsome’ from Y/N and then every day it is ‘oh, she is like the sun, she makes life worth living’ from you,” Yelena mocked them, and Bob felt like he had to be fire-engine red at this point. “And I want an actual puppy, alright? So, we will think of a way you can apologize, and confess your feelings, alright?”

            “Yes!” Alexei pumped the air. “That is the spirit, Lena. We will play matchmaker, and we will help young love blossom!”

            There wasn’t much Bob could argue against. For one, nobody would listen to his protests, and two, literally all of them were into the idea of getting him with Y/N. Even Bucky, who usually just sighed and grunted at their antics, pitched in on certain plans for how they could retrieve Bob’s dignity from where it lay six feet under, and give him a chance at love.

            Alexei’s plan was the first to get shot down, as he, obviously, suggested something grand.

            “We cut a thousand hearts and cover her room with them!” He boomed. “Then you dress up smart. A tux, alright? And you serenade her! Women love being serenaded to.”

            But that wasn’t Bob. He wasn’t a grandiose kind of a guy, and neither did he think Y/N was a grandiose display kind of a woman. She’d once winced when a guy had sent in a request for a song to a radio station as an apology for an argument he’d had with his partner. So, holding up a boombox above his head with a love song blaring, was a sure-fire way in alienating Y/N even further.

            Bucky and Yelena suggested that he should put on a romantic evening for them both – make some dinner, preferably Italian or French, as most touted them as the cuisines of love, cover the room with flowers, scattering the petals all around, and then ask her for a dance, professing his love as they slowly swayed to some music. And although it sounded like a solid plan, something still didn’t seem right for Bob.

            He didn’t doubt, Y/N would probably appreciate the gesture, but still. It wasn’t them.

            As everyone conversed around him, Bob tried to think back to certain moments he’d shared with Y/N, when one specific jumped out at him.

            It had been the day after she’d battled and won her flu. They were in her room, and she had put on the 2005 Keira Knightley version of Pride and Prejudice.

            He hadn’t paid much attention to the movie, as Bob wasn’t too big of a historical romance fan, but as Mr Darcy confessed his feelings for Elizabeth, he’d turned to look at Y/N, and his breath had caught in his chest.

            Because there she was, silently, almost imperceptibly mouthing the words under her breath.

            “You have bewitched me, body and soul,” her lips moved without noise.

            And she had.

            Bob didn’t know what sort of spell Y/N had cast on him, but it left him in a daze, and one he never wanted to wake up from.

            Ultimately, it was Ava’s idea he took to heart, combining it with his own plan, as she suggested something meaningful, but at the same time, something that would leave no doubt in Y/N’s mind as to what he was trying to say, like annotating a favorite book of hers.

            The next day, Bob ventured out of the tower and into a nearby bookstore. It took him a little time to find the classics section, but with the help of the elderly shop assistant, she dug out a gorgeous version of Pride and Prejudice, all with gilded edges and handwritten letters stuck in between.

            Throughout the night, he combed through the book, acquainting himself with the characters and their emotions, and with Y/N’s favorite love story, and when he came upon a little slip where the character letters were placed, he removed them, so he could replace them with his own.

            He wrote long into the morning, pages upon pages of words, sentences he’d struck out, as he didn’t think they properly conveyed his emotions until he was satisfied and could take a clean piece of paper to put his heart down neatly in ink. He even attempted to make the first letter of each paragraph the loopy kind they did in ancient times but had to give up halfway when they became almost illegible.

            Bob had never been good with words, at least not spoken ones, but on paper, they flowed like a river – easy and natural. And as he dotted the last one, he signed it with his name, adding a small ‘hopefully yours’ on the end of it.

            Gently, as if it was made of gold, he folded the piece of paper and tucked it in the final pocket.

            He’d not only poured his heart out but his entire soul.

            He told Y/N of his hopes and fears. He told how he wished he could be her person, not only when she was happy, but when the darkness rolled in, threatening to cover the world. Like she was to him. And in the end, he asked if he could have just one chance to take her out on a proper date.

             Bob hadn’t even realized a full day had passed and night had once more fallen until Yelena brought him some dinner. She gave a curious glance at the book. “Everything alright?”

            “Yeah,” he smiled, and meant it, thanking her for the food. “I think it will be.”

            That night he decided he would sleep in Y/N’s room, despite the new bedsheets not having her scent on them yet, it still felt like home.

            But then another day passed.

            And another.

            And one more.

            And soon enough more than a fortnight had gone by without any contact from either Walker or Y/N.

            “Any longer and I’m going on a search-and-rescue myself,” Ava had grumbled into her coffee on the morning of day fifteen, as Alpine claimed her lap this time. “And I don’t give a shit that Valentina said they’re at a safe house. That woman’s a pathological liar.”

            Yelena hummed in agreement, as none of them really trusted when Valentina had informed the team of Y/N’s and Walker’s whereabouts, and how they were just waiting for an extraction team after the jet blew up.

            Bob tried to cling to those words, even though they could be a bald-faced lie. He had to. Otherwise, his mind became overcome with the worst possible thoughts, and he was an anxious mess as it was.

            His days consisted of pulling at the fraying edges of his clothing, walking aimlessly all over the tower only to find himself backtracking before Y/N’s room. To stand in front of the bed where everything went wrong.

            He no longer slept in it, not after the first week had passed and he awoke drenched in a cold sweat, the images of Y/N, her body all bent wrong, Y/E/C eyes unseeingly staring at him, as blood trickled out of her mouth, while she asked him, “why didn’t you tell me you loved me before I died?”

            Bob simply couldn’t handle all that space, not on his own, so now every night he was back in his own room, which was more a storage space than anything. It even smelled of long-dried paint, unlike the gentle notes of bergamot and chocolate that permeated Y/N’s room.

            A pathetic-looking blanket was thrown over his bed, skin-thin sheets, a single flat pillow atop it. There were only two shirts and two pairs of boxers in the closet with a single pair of pants. Because everything else was in the room he couldn’t step foot into, without tears welling up in his eyes.

            But even if Y/N allowed him inside, once she got home (not if; never if), after what Bob'd done, he would most likely have to move back into his own place, anyhow. It didn’t matter how many pathetic letters he wrote, how many love confessions he poured from his fingertips, there was no way she’d ever let him stay.

            And as the hours ticked by, Bob couldn’t help but feel like he was drowning in the darkness.

            He deserved it, Bob lamented. After all, why would someone like Y/N, someone so capable and truly good, choose him – a broken and battered man, who couldn’t even open his mouth properly to tell her what he felt?

            It was on day eighteen, a drab and dreary one, when Yelena found him leaning against the window of his room, as she rushed to him, almost breathless to tell that they were back.

            Once again, Bob stalled.

            Would Y/N even want to see him?

            Why would she?

            But the woman didn’t allow him to stay back, as she grabbed his elbow, pretty much dragging him to the elevator, pressing the 111th floor number.

            Bob’s heart dropped as he noted the number.

            The number for the medical floor.

            “W-what happened? Who’s hurt?” his voice wobbled.

            “Y/N,” Yelena confirmed his worst fears with one single name. “They’ve taken her to surgery now, but I thought we should be there when she gets out.”

            He could only nod, as his hands started to shake.

            What was the damage? If surgery was needed, no doubt it had to be something bad.

            Y/N had to pull through, Bob chanted in his mind. She just had to. There was no other option. Because he didn’t know what he’d do, if the horrible vision he’d seen that night, came true.

             As the two stepped out of the elevator, they were greeted by the rest of the team, all huddled together, Walker looking ragged as hell, while he recounted what’d happened.

            “Wait, so you two were really at the safe house?” Ava’s brows shot up.

            “Yeah,” John dragged a hand down his dirty face. “Comms got cut at some point when the jet blew, so we had to wait until Valentina sent an extraction team. Honestly, we’re lucky sepsis didn’t set in, but fuck,” he turned to look at Yelena, “for a Black Widow, Y/N sure is squeamish.”

            “She is not squeamish!” Yelena looked affronted on the behalf of her sister. “How dare you!”

            “I dunno,” Walker shrugged, “but her throwing that fit after seeing her broken leg, seemed pretty squeamish to me.”

            Yelena clapped and started to roll up her sleeves. “Okay. How about we give you an open break and see how you do with a bone looking back at you? Hmm? I say, let’s test your stomach out, and then we can talk!”

            “Alright enough!” Bucky sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, as Alexei slowly lowered his phone from where he’d turned the camera on, a pout on the older man’s lips. “Nobody is breaking John’s legs. Karma will get him soon enough. Now, Y/N is gonna be out soon, and she’ll probably be pretty out of it, so we should set things up so that someone is always with her, okay?”

            A bunch of mumbled ‘yes’s could be heard all around, as Bucky told Walker to go and clean up, and get some rest, while Bob immediately asked if he could be one of the first people in the room once Y/N was in recovery.

            “Of course,” Yelena gave him a nudge on the shoulder. “I’ll stay with you.”

            But Bob didn’t have a plan on leaving Y/N at all.

            Not as her bed was wheeled inside the recovery room, not as evening turned to night, not as the others checked in, asking if they wanted to switch out or go grab a bite. Bob wasn’t going. Not until Y/N opened her eyes and erased the image of her dead doppelgänger from his mind.

            It was sometime during the period when the moon had started to make its descent, when Bob noticed a soft humming in the room, making him look over to where Yelena sat on the opposite side of the bed, softly singing under her breath.

            She’d taken her post on Y/N’s right, slipping her hand inside hers, while Bob had claimed her left.

            “Yelena?” he finally spoke up after hours of silence, afraid it’d disrupt her humming, but when she didn’t, only tilted her head in question, Bob continued on. “What uh, what’s it you’re singing?”

            “It’s a Russian lullaby. Melina, my mother, she used to put me to bed with it, after I had nightmares. Just thought it might… I don’t even know what I thought. It’s not like she sang it to Y/N, but I hoped it would maybe wake her up quicker?”

            “It’s pretty,” Bob murmured, looking over at Y/N’s sleeping face.

            The doctors had informed them they had to use a heightened dose of anaesthesia to knock her out, so she might be asleep for a while longer as her body burned through the medication. “My mom used to sing to me too… to help me calm down.”

            “Hm?” she acknowledged his words. “What did she sing?”

            “Just some song from uh, from her own childhood, I think,” Bob nodded to himself, a finger rubbing along the sheet Y/N lay upon, not daring to touch where her hand rested.

            “Well, you are more than welcome to sing it, if you’d like. I’m sure Y/N would appreciate it.”

            Instantly, Bob flushed, shaking his head at the offer. “No, I just… I dunno… I’m not much of a singer. I uh… I was just wondering if there was something maybe from Y/N’s childhood, you know? Like maybe a story we could tell her or… or something… like that song for you… just… never mind…”

            For a moment, the only sound in the room was Y/N’s rhythmic breathing, accompanied by the beeping of the monitors she was hooked to, while Yelena gazed at her, Bob’s eyes trailing over her unconscious form and settling on the injured limb.

            Ava had already managed to autograph the cast, while Alexei had drawn an exaggeratedly muscled version of the woman, with Bucky lettering out a simple ‘get well soon’ and Walker just penning a smiley face.

            “Bob, do you know what happens to frogs in winter?”

            Now that wasn’t something he expected Yelena to ask him, snapping him out of the daze. “I uh,” he stammered for an answer, “I mean kinda? I guess? They uh, they go into hibernation, right?”

            She hummed in confirmation. “When winter comes, the frogs that live by the water, find a lake or a pond or something of the sort. And then they float down to the very bottom of it. And they stay there. Even as the water freezes over, right up until spring comes to unthaw them.” Her gaze was unnervingly intense as she looked at him. “Their bodies basically freeze just like the water does, but they don’t die. They just… stay at that bottom.”

            Bob swallowed, shifting in his seat. “What does that have to do with anything?”

            He didn’t know why he asked, because he knew, he wouldn’t like the answer. Yelena sighed, looking over at Y/N, and brushed a finger down her cheek.

            “No matter what happened to me and Nat, I always thought us lucky. We had Alexei, Melina. Even if it was just for a little bit, for just a few years, we were a real family… but Y/N… she didn’t have that.”

            He was aware she had been trained separately, but only at this moment, did he find out just how different their upbringings were. As the Widow continued on, Bob couldn’t avert his eyes from the woman in question. “Since day one, Y/N was under Red Room’s control. She wasn’t taken like most of us were. No… Mistress Vera, her handler, was in charge from the very start, because Y/N was never a normal Black Widow. She was hers and Dreykov’s pet project.”

            “What do you mean?” Bile rose in his throat, as Yelena looked over at him.

            “When we first met, I was twelve. Y/N… she was sixteen.”

            “Wh – what? But she’s younger than you.” The two had even had numerous arguments about how Yelena played the older-sister card way too much, just to get her way, despite her being barely three weeks older.

            “In all the ways it matters she is,” Yelena nodded, holding onto Y/N’s hand a bit tighter. “But… when she was born, barely out of her mother’s womb, Dreykov and Vera injected her with some sort of a version of a super soldier serum. Some aspects of it took, some didn’t. She can still get sick but will recover quicker than the rest of us. She’s not as strong as Bucky, or Dad, or Walker, but she can… endure.”

            Tears threatened to fall down Yelena’s cheeks, as her hazel eyes glistened in the dark. Bob, however, was already crying, as his mind rushed ahead and even without further explanation, understood what was to come.

            “And if they wanted to have use of Y/N for longer, they had to find a way to keep her in a certain stasis.”

            When Yelena did start crying, she didn’t shy away from the tears, the drops glinting in the low lights of the room. “When we met again, I didn’t understand how it was possible she looked the way she had years ago. And then I started to think – Y/N had always been touted as the best of the best. Red Room’s Diamond. And yet, I barely saw her, barely heard about her missions. Because when they didn’t have use for her, they put her in a cryo chamber to sleep.”

            Yelena wiped at her cheeks. “By the time Nat got her out, she was my age when she was supposed to be hers. They were born the same year, you know.” She took in a deep breath, steeling herself for a moment. “When we broke Alexei out of the prison, he immediately recognized her, and the idiot called said “legushka nasha! Frozen, but back to life again! Always made us proud!” Safe to say, he got three of his teeth knocked out, and didn’t try to call her it again.”

            As if feeling she was being talked about, Y/N shifted in her bed, like the words had registered somewhere in her sleep-addled mind, but despite both Bob and Yelena holding their breaths, hoping she’d awake, she just got more comfortable and resumed her snoring.

            The blonde sighed, running her thumb over the top of Y/N’s hand. “When we decided to take the Red Room down, Nat and I… we thought she was gone. Our last contact with her was before everything exploded and she was on her way to find Mistress Vera… who had a certain... reputation. We all knew it was basically a suicide mission.”

            “But then we were on the ground, and Y/N just crawled out from underneath all the rubble, bruised and bloody, with a dislocated arm, and holding on to a fucking toad. I still have no idea where she found that little amphibian, but she’d gotten to one of her old cryo chambers and used it to ride out the crash. Those things were made to withstand an earthquake.” A wince-like smile split her lips. “And they had to be. They held precious cargo, after all.” She practically spat the last two words.

            “That was the moment I told myself I would protect her. Nat had to go on and join Steve, so I decided I’d be that big sister, like Tasha was to me. Whatever Y/N wanted, I would do everything I could to make sure she got it.”

            “And she just wanted softness,” Yelena tilted her head, looking over at him. “So, Bob, please be that softness to her. She’s never had a real bed. She’s never had a room for herself. She… Y/N never really had anything kind… I remember when we got to Melina’s safehouse, Y/N dug out this old fairy tale book and fell in love with this one story – The Princess and the Pea. It’s this tale where a girl seeks refuge from a storm in a castle, and the people inside think she’s a princess. So, to figure it out, they get her a room with a dozen mattresses on the bed, but leave a pea under the very bottom one. When she awakes the next day, she says she had the worst night’s sleep and that is how they figure out she is a princess after all – because only a princess would feel the pea even so far below her.”

            Yelena sniffled, wiping below her nose with the sleeve of her sweater. “So, Bob that bed isn’t about you. That bed is her twelve mattresses, that bed is her soft and safe place to land. Because she deserves that and more.” Slowly, her eyes shifted to Y/N, as he listened without even taking a breath, terrified she’d stop talking if he did. “Please don’t break her heart. Because I don’t think I could stand seeing her sad. Not after everything.”

            Bob swallowed hard, mainly because it felt like Yelena had taken his heart in her hand, and squeezed it, bringing it all the way up to his throat.

            His eyes burned and he was sure they were rimmed red, from what the Widow had told him about Y/N’s life. He could feel the fierce protectiveness emanate around them, he understood she would go to the ends of the earth if it meant happiness would be found there. So, he nodded, promising he would try, even though he couldn’t say it out loud, because if he did, his voice would absolutely break, and he felt like his soul would too. He wanted to be everything Y/N deserved and more, and if the only thing he had to do was try, he would with every fiber of his being.

            “Maybe uh…” he cleared his throat. “Maybe I could read to her? That fairy tale you said she liked?”

            Bob could see the worry and fear dissipate in Yelena’s eyes as she nodded, giving him a soft smile. “Yeah. I think Y/N would love that. Let me uh, let me go find the book. I think Alexei might have it.”

            With a kiss on Y/N’s cheek, she stood up, cracking her spine and exiting the room, but not before whispering something that sounded suspiciously like “You’re in good hands with him, Legushka.”

            And so, Bob remained at his post; the dragon guarding the princess; the knight keeping watch. At some point after Yelena came back, a battered and bruised copy of a fairy tale collection, the sun had risen and even Alpine had found her way inside, making her bed by Y/N’s broken leg.

            But as much as Bob wanted to remain vigil, even his body had to rest. Due to all the accumulated anxiety and stress, he only managed to get through The Princess and the Pea and Andersen’s version of The Little Mermaid only to fall asleep half-way through The Sleeping Beauty, a story that was much more traumatizing than the Disney version, if he had to be honest.

            Unlike the princess, as much as he might have wished, Bob wasn’t awakened by a kiss of true love, but by lowly-talking voices. One of them was unmistakably Y/N’s as she asked someone in the room, “Is she one of those death-cats? You know, the ones who know when people are gonna die and sleep only next to them?”

            “Dunno,” Bucky’s low rumble echoed around the room. “But I guess, you’ll be the test subject of that theory.”

            “Great. Thanks. Looking forward to it,” Y/N deadpanned. “Just so you know, I so will haunt your ass if that’s the case.”

            Bob was terrified to raise his head or make any sort of movement that would indicate he was awake because that would mean he’d have to untangle his hand from Y/N’s, and he didn’t know if she’d ever allow him to hold it again.

            Not that he had much say in that decision as Alpine had made her way around the bed and smacked him right on top of the head.

            “The hell?” He jumped up, rubbing against where her paw had met his skull.

            For a cat, Alpine was alarmingly strong. But then he remembered how John hated when she came to sleep in his room and had started placing dumbbells before the door, only to have basically jacked Alpine up, as she could now open it even if there was a ten-pound one before it.

             “Okay, Alpine?” Bucky lifted the white feline up from where she glared at Bob. “No violence before eight AM. Scram.”

            If a cat could scoff, Bob was sure Alpine would’ve done just that, as she jumped off the bed, tail high as she padded out of the room, Bucky following her with a promise of some breakfast for the two.

            Once alone, Bob gave Y/N, what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “M-Morning. How uh how are you feeling?”

            She grunted, as she slipped her forearms underneath her and attempted to sit up, Bob immediately taking her pillow and placing it behind her back. “Overall, fine, I guess. Leg hurts like a bitch, though I’m not surprised, given how my inside bones were staring at me at one point.”

            “Inside bones?” he chuckled. “Aren’t all bones inside bones?”

            “Your teeth are your outside bones, and fun fact,” Y/N wiggled her brows. “Your tongue is the only muscle in your body you can actually see.”

            “That is not a fun fact. It is actually a horrifying fact,” Bob frowned as he became a bit too aware of his teeth and tongue and the way it wouldn't comfortably sit in his mouth.

            But it was Y/N’s laugh, the real kind, that brought him out of the spiral, and he felt like he was being bathed in sunlight. He was warm and all lit up from the inside out. Yet as the moment passed, slowly that feeling dissipated, leaving them under the clinical fluorescents of the hospital. Bob cleared his throat, eyes jutting around the room, not making contact with Y/N until she let out a heavy sigh.

            “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

            “Let’s get what… over with?”

            “Look,” Y/N closed her eyes, biting down hard on her bottom lip, and god, did Bob want to be the one doing that. “You don’t have to apologize for your feelings. I mean, clearly, I misread some signals and got it all wrong.”

            “What? No!” He shook his head, so unprepared for where the conversation was going. “No, I’m the one that has to say sorry, because I d-”

            “No, you don’t,” Y/N interrupted him with a raised hand. “Because your feelings are yours, and whatever they might be, they’re valid and you are valid in havi-.”

            “But I don’t feel that way!”

            “I just don’t want things to be weird between us, you know?” She continued on with her spiel, a speech Bob felt like had been prepared by her, and his heart ached at the thought of her mulling it all over in her head, trying to accept the fact that he didn’t like her. “Like I know I basically ran away to a different country an-”

            “Y/N, can you please let me talk?” Bob was on the verge of tears as she rolled on.

            His anxiety was already sky-high, and there was no way he’d be able to take any more heartbreak, apologies or attempts to quell his guilt at not reciprocating. Which is why he did something he never thought he would.

            Bob simply stood up from his seat, leaned over Y/N, took her cheeks between his hands and bent his lips to hers.

            Y/N was frozen in an instant, having not anticipated this move, and if he was honest, neither had he, but slowly, as he pressed closer, his nose brushing along the bridge of hers, her body came back to life, a hand moving to the nape of his neck, while he swallowed a breath that stuttered out of her lungs.

            That little moment alone, the one where he could feel her physically react to him, elevated Bob to another dimension. Sure, his lips were clumsy after years of not having any sort of romantic partners, and his nerves didn’t do him any favors, as he attempted to deepen the kiss only to knock his teeth against hers.

            And yet it was theirs.

            It was awkward and new and exploratory.

            And it was the best kiss of Bob’s life.

            He would not change a single thing. Well, maybe Y/N wouldn’t be stuck in the med bay with her leg in a cast, but other than that, it was perfect.

            The way her fingers tangled in the small hairs at the nape of his neck. The way her other hand cupped his jaw, pulling him harder against her. The way Y/N sighed his name into his mouth as if he was the air she needed to breathe.

            It was that small thing, breathing, that made them finally part, but they didn’t go too far away from one another. Bob was done with distance, as he kept his forehead pressed to hers, chest heaving and body already craving more.

            He could feel her brows furrow in confusion, but she didn’t try to break their connection. “But I thought… I mean you literally said you didn’t like me…”

            “I clammed up,” Bob sighed, pecking her lips again, already addicted to the feeling. To the taste. No drug could compare to the way his heart felt so full at the fact that she pressed them right back. “I… look… I’m not proud of it, but just… I’ve been in love with you for so long, that moment when you said you might love me too… that was something that only happened in my dreams… and I’m not good with words. I’m even worse with people and my emotions… All I know is that whenever you’re around, you make it easier. You make me feel like I’m enough… And I was scared to mess that up… because I can't not have you in my life. So, I accepted having you as a friend. If that was the only way I could have you around, so be it… but when you told me that… that you love me… I just didn’t know what to do… I didn’t want to wake from that dream… and I panicked...”

            When he dared to take a look at Y/N, he pulled back in alarm, as she had tears rolling down her face, coming to a point at her chin, but he wiped them away before they could drop down.

            “Oh, don’t cry,” Bob’s own voice cracked. “Please, don’t cry. I – this is the last thing I wanted to do.”

            “Bob, you are enough,” Y/N almost hissed as she cupped his face. “You hear me? With or without me, you are enough. You don’t need someone to complete you. You’re not some puzzle missing a piece, okay?” She huffed an angry breath, shaking her head. “I hate that notion, you know? That somehow, we’re all missing parts of ourselves and the second we find a partner, then magically poof!” She made an explosion-motion with her hands, “You’re whole when you already are a whole and worthy person. With or without someone there, you are good enough.”

            His heart practically splintered and mended in his chest, as Y/N tried to get it through to him, how, no matter what, he still had a purpose, he was still worthy the same way the others were. He was still allowed to take up space and not apologize for it.

            Bob hadn’t even noticed how tears had started sliding down, not until she reached up and wiped them away.

            “But,” Y/N’s tone was much softer now, her fingers trailing along his jaw, tracing his eyebrows and pressing against where crow’s feet appeared by his eyes when he smiled. “There’s this Japanese tradition called kintsugi, where broken things are mended with gold. And that is who I believe people are. Who I am… who you are… we’re all just broken little pots, mended with gold. And I’d like to think we can be each other’s gold when water starts to seep through the cracks.”

            “I like that,” Bob choked out as a smile bloomed on his face. “I really like that. Like Lilo and Stitch – a little broken, but still good.”

            “Exactly,” she nodded, slowly pulling his head closer to hers once more. “Because I know for a fact, you are my gold, Bob. You’re my light.”

            And for the first time in a while, he wasn’t afraid to stand in the direct beam of it, because he was made of it. No longer an entity of darkness and shadow, but someone who could illuminate the life of others.

            And when she kissed him, a thousand suns exploded with love.

BONUS

            “Are you sure, you’re steady?” Bob worried his bottom lip, as he watched Y/N clamber around on her crutches.

            It was fascinating, really. During their day-to-day lives, he’d watched her during training sessions, mouth agape in awe at the way she moved, sparring with Bucky, Alexei and John sometimes three-on-one, and having no trouble in taking them down.

            She was incredible, flipping through the air like it was nothing. Now, however, she was worse than a newborn deer on ice, because somehow, despite everything, Y/N had never broken a bone so bad, she needed to be on crutches. And she had no balance whatsoever.

            “I,” she huffed. “Am,” and puffed. “Fine,” and grunted with strain. The elevator was all of twenty steps away from where Y/N’s recovery room was, and yet she’d barely managed to get halfway. “But I would be better if they took this fucking cast off. I’m healed anyway.”

            “Not according to your X-rays.”

            Y/N scoffed. “My body heals by the second, not even minute. Besides, isn’t it the point of the metal plates they put there? To hold the bones together?”

            After she’d awoken and Bob had explained, through an intense amount of blushing and stuttering how he’d written her a whole bunch of love letters, putting them in a copy of Pride and Prejudice, when he presented the book to her, he’d also revealed to Y/N what Yelena had told him about her time in the Red Room.

            “I just hope you’re not mad at me. Or her… I don’t want this to impact your relationship.”

            Y/N tilted her head, giving him a reassuring smile. “No. Never at you two… I just… I’m not proud of it, you know? And I don’t like reliving it, even if it’s just talking about it, but no… I’m not angry she told you about it or that you know.”

            “I mean, I would never judge you,” Bob instantly took Y/N’s hand in his own, worried she might be feeling unworthy, an emotion he was all too familiar with. “I – I’d never. You didn’t choose it, you know.”

            “I know you don’t.” She pulled him gently by the wrist so he would come closer and pressed her lips to his, sending Bob’s heart galloping. “Which is one of the reasons I love you. Now come on, help me up. I desperately need a shower, and some fresh clothes.”

            So there they were, Y/N hobbling closer to the elevator, but before Bob could press the button for her, it dinged, Walker and Yelena exiting, each holding a bag of take-out in their hands.

            “And where do you think you are hopping to, legushka moya?” Yelena chuckled, as Y/N threw her the dirtiest glare possible, forehead gleaming with sweat.

            “To my room,” she grunted. “I am sick and tired of smelling like antiseptic, so I will be taking a shower with my strawberries and cream gel, washing my hair with my grapefruit and basil shampoo, and slathering my skin in my vanilla body cream, so I can smell like a fucking cupcake garden. And you cannot stop me.”

            Yelena raised a brow. “I could literally take away one of the crutches and you’d be down.”

            “Suchka,” Y/N swore while John laughed at the two.

            “Just be careful with all that slipperiness,” he gave a smirk and crossed his arms. “Wouldn’t want our legushka to become leg-less because she tripped or something.”

            Honestly, Bob didn’t think even if Sentry was in charge, he would’ve been able to see or prevent the punch that connected with Walker’s face.

            Blood exploded like a popped water balloon, painting her knuckles, face, chest, the ground, walls and everyone’s clothes in red, as food containers dropped to the ground.

            “What the fuck, Y/L/N!?” John hollered, clutching at his very much so broken nose. “God, something is really wrong with you!”

            A muscle twitched in her jaw, and Bob placed a gentle hand on her elbow, more to hold her back from another attack, but also to steady her, as she sneered. “You do not get to call me that. Try it again, and see where it gets you.”

            Walker groaned, eliciting a phlegm-filled cough. “Fucking hell, you’re weird!”

            “Come on,” Yelena threw her head back in a cackle, winking at Y/N. “Let’s try to find a doctor and set that nose before it heals crooked. Though maybe not? You could definitely do with an adjustment.”

            “Oh, fuck you both!” Walker threw a middle finger at the two, stomping away as Yelena followed, laughing through it all.

            Bob let out a nervous chuckle of his own. “You have a mean right hook, you know? Wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end that’s for sure.”

             “You can call me anything you’d like. But I think I uh… I’d prefer if you called me yours...” Y/N turned her head a bit to the side, a sheepish smile quirking on her lips.

            “Mine…” Bob whispered the word with reverence.

            “Yours,” she echoed. “If you’ll have me like that.”

            He swallowed hard, slowly moving to stand in front of Y/N and turning her head so they faced one another. “Only as long as I get to be yours too.”

            It was the way she smiled, that took his breath away.

            It was the way he could see, Y/N herself had to push an overwhelming amount of emotions down, just to not cry.

            It was the knowledge she did love him like he loved her.

            Because in truth, she already had both his heart and soul.

            Come rain or shine, winter or summer, day or night, Bob had been Y/N’s from the very beginning.

            And knowing he could be someone’s home like she had been his?

            Yeah.

            There was nothing really like it.

Tags: Marvel tags: @nerissa98 @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf @pizzarollpatrol @desir-ae A/N: well... this got out of hand fast :D Bob tags are open for futre fics :)

[steviewashere]

Not gonna make this into a full fic, I don't think, but here's a little something I was thinking of <3 Mild hurt, mostly comfort, and a lot of Eddie getting ready to jump some bones

Steve's upset—and he believes rightfully so. Today was the day for a little bit of a trim and clean up on his hair. He booked his appointment a couple weeks before, for early in the morning right before lunch, with the same stylist he's had since his junior year of high school; the same stylist his mom sees because they're connected at the hip over the meticulous care of their heads of hair. He isn't called 'The Hair' for nothing.

Except, when he walked right up to the front counter, said his name with a shiny, charming smile, and a twinkle in his eyes—

"I'm sorry, Cherry's not in today. Flu's running rampant through her household. Tellin' ya, honey, kids are germ magnets." And the receptionist had popped her gum, whipped her hair over her shoulder, bat her eyes. "But I could hand you over to Gina? She's well trusted around her, real close with Cherry and her clients."

Of course, panicked to the soles of his shoes, Steve had blindly accepted the pass over. He thought it wouldn't be too much of a change. He thought that he could trust another pair of scissors. Well...no dice, apparently.

It's supposed to be the same thing he gets every single time. A clipping of Patrick Swayze from one of those tweeny girl magazines—he had stolen it from Erica, thank you very much—and maybe it's not supposed to be an exact replica to his gorgeous head of hair, but at least something similar. Maybe a little longer in the back, more of a swoop in the front.

Except, when he catches wind of himself in the mirror at the end of his appointment—Christ, I look like fucking Kurt Russell. He didn't even think his hair had grown out that long. Especially not Escape From New York long.

He smiles, words bit behind his teeth, and tips his normal amount. Pays for it in full without a single damn complaint. Even though he nearly bursts into tears when he gets to his car. And then, even worse, when he realizes he has to walk back through the front door of the apartment he shares with Eddie and look his boyfriend dead in the eyes. But he does so begrudgingly, every step as if it's his last.

When he opens the door, Eddie's already standing there, big grin on his face, eyes alight. "Did you get exactly what you"—

"They fucked up my hair, Eds! My hair!"

Eddie tilts his head and purses his lips, assessing the damage. "It doesn't look bad, sweetheart. Maybe a little more...more free and flowing than you prefer, but not fucked up levels of messed up."

He steps inside with a ginger door shut behind him. Doesn't want to be caught in full throttle tears on his doormat. His eyes get a little watery the longer Eddie stares at him. "But I look like fuckin' Kurt Russell, not Patrick Swayze," Steve pouts.

"Yeah, that didn't give you what you wanted exactly. But, baby, my sunshine—you really think you look awful? You know how handsome Kurt is? This whole look isn't a step down at all! It suits you pretty well!" Eddie steps towards Steve, shoving forward to paw through the waves and bends of his hair, scrunching it and viewing. "Put a little bit of mousse in it...maybe a tad of your hairspray? We could get this look elevated in a matter of seconds, make you look like a movie star down to the messy forehead strand on a red carpet."

Steve sniffs. Eyes big on Eddie's face—Eddie who isn't laughing or trying to bite back a giggle or open to make fun of it all. Just...just Eddie admiring. "You think I look handsome like this?"

"I think you're a beautiful babe with a strong mane of hair and you wear fine things well." Eddie shakes his fingers through the hair, messing with it until it falls mussed. "Like a big shot action star. Swear on it. And—hey! You know what?"

"What, Eds?"

"If you end up truly, miserably hating it after we find out how to style it, then I'll help you shape it up just as you like it. I'm sure I've got a few good photos around here that weren't sacrificed to the sun. Well, as long as you trust me with my hair scissors."

"You know how to cut hair?" Steve asks quietly.

"I've been cutting my own hair since I was in middle school. If I wasn't so set in stone on becoming a musician, I'd probably settle into being the next Frenchy, go the whole beauty school route."

He chuckles. "She drops out of beauty school, babe. Don't think that's what you want."

"Eh...maybe I'll go to learn enough about dye and trim jobs and then gallop away into the sunset on my noble steed, you, my princess, wrapped around me." For the first time since the appointment, Steve finds himself smiling—something small, but smiling—and Eddie returns it tenfold. "So...you gonna be my action movie star? Show me how big and strong you are?"

"You gonna keep combing your fingers through my hair?"

Something mischievous sparkles in Eddie's gaze. "Oh, I've got plans for all sorts of things, Stevie baby. Question is, are you gonna let me love you and your handsome do? If not, then we should get this shaped up now."

Steve sighs, dips his head in thought. He could let Eddie get his creativity out on more than just a set of lined notebook pages. But...well...Kurt Russell has been one of the first celebrities to really make Steve stop and think.

And Eddie...

Eddie seems like he'll burst at the seams if he doesn't get to live out whatever number of fantasies are swirling through his head.

"Okay," Steve agrees, purring, "show me how much you love my new look, sweetheart."

[elumish]

Hey!

The Bad Times are back!

For the next four years, it's going to be so much, all the time. The news is going to be so much, and the world is going to be so much, and it is going to suck.

We know this because we've seen it before.

It will be worse. It's already worse.

But we've also learned from last time--ways to resist, ways to protect each other, ways to protect ourselves.

Mask and get vaccinated (including a yearly flu shot), to protect yourself and the people around you. Verify sources and validate information before you share it. Follow reputable and reliable news sources like the Associated Press, the New York Times, and BBC. Be careful about what personal information you share about yourself and others, both online and in person--up to and including making sure not to out others without their permission.

But also take a deep breath. Hug a loved one. Pet a cat. Read a book.

We have a long four years ahead of us. We're not going to solve every problem right now.

Let's get through today.

[witchygagirlwrites]

Fix You-Part 4

Kelly Severide x Reader x Matt Casey/Sevasey x Reader

You decide you're staying in Chicago, with your boys

warnings: passing mentions of sex, someone getting shot

“So, let me get this straight” Rein started then stopped to laugh and you cut her off by asking “What are you laughing at woman?” she came back closer to the phone “My own wording? I said let me get this straight about you and a couple. That’s so far from straight” you stared at the phone for a moment and slowly shook your head. “You know if you ever met Kelly, you’d get this statement even more but mine and my brother’s taste in people significantly worries me” 

She gasped playfully then said “Wait, what about Matt?” you grinned “Oh, his taste in people worries me but woman ask your question I need to get ready for work” she took a breath to steady herself “Ok, ok. You were ready to fight another station house, correct?” “Hell yes. Their idiot captain put Matt, Kelly and Capp at risk” you replied and she made a noise that you knew was her sucking air between her teeth and you could practically see that little wrinkle that got between her eyebrows when she made that noise “But you then dove over Cruz’s shoulder to swing on that captain because he continued to antagonize Matt and Kelly” “Yeah, so?” you were starting to get a little defensive. 

“Then when you got the flu,regardless of the fact that they could’ve in turn got it and been out of work for days. They used the three days they were off to camp out on your couch and take care of you, correct?” you sighed “Yeah”    

Rein called your name almost gently and you winced “What?” “You have feelings for them and they have feelings for you” you couldn’t deny it. You knew you had feelings for Matt and Kelly but how would that even work? They were a couple, a committed couple. Hell that was stepping into even more than Fireball stepped into with her guys and you and her had gotten into some pretty deep late night talks about feelings of inadequacy. 

“I don’t know what to do about it” you admitted and she laughed lightly “Here’s an idea, I know it’s crazy but hear me out..talk to them”  you laughed “Rein,have I ever told you how much help you are?” she giggled “Glad to be of assistance sis. Now get to work with your hunky firemen. Your brother will be home soon and I know you don’t want him over hearing anything good” 

“Ok, love ya” “Love ya too” you hung up and stared at the phone for a minute before climbing out of bed. Laying here wasn’t getting anything done.

“I’m telling you, there is something on the roof” Sylvie was staring up at the roof of the ambulance as you pulled back up to fifty one from your last call. You cut her eyes at her “Wasn’t there a dead raccoon on the road like right under the tree we parked at?” she nodded and your eyes widened “What if we have a raccoon up there?” 

“I’ll call animal control” she hopped out of the rig to hit the number but you figured why the hell wait. You’d worked with animal control more than once in New York. You were certified in the safe handling of most smaller wildlife. You opened the door of the ambulance and hooked your foot in the side of it before pushing yourself up and climbing onto the roof. You caught Cruz’s voice saying “Someone go get Casey and Severide” and laughed. Why were you getting told on?

You heard something again and squatted down next to the lights to find two tiny gray bundles squeaking at you. Babies!

_______________________

“Why is she on top of the rig?” Matt asked Kelly, both of them staring up at you and wondering just how you'd managed to get up there that fast. Kelly shrugged “I'm not exactly sure. Sylvie said something about raccoons on the last call” 

Matt turned to look at his boyfriend like he'd grown a second head about the time he heard you call his name. He looked up, blocking his eyes from the sun to see you had two little furry bundles in your hands “Is that baby raccoons Spitfire?” He asked and you grinned “Yeah! Now one of you prop me a ladder up so it'll be easier to get down with the little guys. They were hid under the lights they're terrified” 

Kelly grinned “I got you sweetheart” and Matt shook his head “We're not keeping raccoons” he could hear you and Kelly already talking about what to name the raccoons.

_______________________

“Why can’t I keep it?” you asked Matt who smiled “They’re illegal to have as pets in illinois! The animal rescue that’s coming is run by Ritter’s cousin. She’s going to let you name them and even said you and Kelly can visit them all you want”  You sighed “Fine” he grinned “What are you gonna name em?” 

You cut your eyes at Kelly before running your fingers over the baby raccoon he held “This one is smokey” then held up the one in your hand “and this one is bandit” Kelly grinned “I love em” and Matt shook his head but you saw the corner of his lips tic up “I’ll let Glory know. Smokey and Bandit”

After Glory took the babies away you were helping to get dinner ready in the kitchen, mainly because your stomach was threatening to eat other organs if it didn’t get anything in it soon. Matt walked past you on a rather large growl of it and raised an eyebrow “Have you eaten anything today?” you shrugged “I think” and mentally cursed her when Sylvie popped up with “No! She hasn’t” you spun around “Snitch!”

Cruz laughed from where he was stirring the chili “I think personally we should all just not let you leave. I mean the snowball fight was the most fun we’ve had around here in a while” “Then the entertainment of her going after that captain” Tony added and you shook your head “Do I get a say in the matter?” Kelly stepped up behind you and you had to look up at him “Of course, but your temp contract is coming up where you could sign on to be permanent”

You opened your mouth to say something but clamped it back shut, afraid you’d stammer if you tried and Matt cleared his throat “That’s enough, everyone and that includes you baby. We aren’t gonna convince her to stay by cornering her”  you shot him a small smile “Thank you” and he nodded before saying “Of course, another station house..their captain may not take up for you like that” and grinned when you shook your head.

_____________________

You sat down next to Sylvie and felt your phone vibrate. You picked it up to see you’d been added to a group chat. When you clicked it, only you, Matt and Kelly were in it. You cut your eyes across the room and the two of them were already looking at you. Taking notes from Mouse and Jay now? Really?

Kelly: Something had to have worked. They got their girl

Matt: We’re trying to figure out how to get ours

You felt your face warm. What were they thinking? This was not when this discussion should be had. My contract is coming up,in 6 weeks

Matt: One date?

Kelly: Please?

That was the problem. You knew if you agreed to one date, that would be it. The issue was, what if they didn’t want you like you wanted them. Would they go to this extreme to just get a threesome for one night? No. They took care of you when you were sick. They protected you on scenes. They opened up to you and let you open up to them but you always planned to go home to New York. One date 

Everyone’s attention in the room flew to them when Matt choked on his water and Kelly nearly spit a mouth full of chili out. You couldn’t help but laugh. Sylvie looked from you to them then raised an eyebrow “Did you send them a nude or something?” she whispered and you shook your head “No, I agreed to a date” 

“You’re getting ready, like right now?” Rein asked and you laughed “Yeah, you’re laying on the bed, on speaker phone so I can finish getting dressed before they get here” “Oh damn, you mean I am currently in your bed and your brother’s bed?” she asked before she cracked up laughing. You shook your head “I’m nervous. I haven’t dated that much since I’ve been in Chicago and now there’s two gorgeous men on the way to pick me up”

“Well don’t you have..shoot Fireball and Firecracker who’s in the same boat?” she questioned and you shrugged “Similar boats. Fireball, her fellas were kind of a thing when they figured out they wanted her then when they got back stateside they all went their separate ways then the fellas moved in together then eventually she moved in with them. Firecracker, that one is the exception. She took one look at her fellas and told em if they wanted her they had to figure out their crap first”

Rein sighed dramatically “Alas I only have your brother” and you started laughing “Sorry dear, someone had to take him” your phone chimed with the group chat between you, Fireball and Firecracker so you picked it up. “Was that loverboys?” she asked as you clicked the screen “No, it’s the girls” Fireball: Have fun, we want details tomorrow  Firecracker: Lots of details 

You shook your head and texted back There won’t be that many details but I’ll meet you two for coffee in the a.m.

Before you could lay your phone down a text came through from Matt Hey darlin, be there in 5. I’ll come up for you you cursed and realized you were still barefooted “I gotta go Rein. The guys will be here like any minute and I don’t currently have shoes on” she laughed “Oh hun. Love you” “Love you”

You were walking next to Matt, who reached out for your hand and laced his fingers with yours. “Will you take a breath please?” you cut your eyes at him and he smiled “You’re nervous. We can both tell” Kelly stepped around from Matt’s other side to slip his arm around your waist “Why? We like you, we stayed at your place for like three days and have seen you at your worst and believe me baby” he pulled back and blatantly checked you out “You were cute as hell then and drop dead gorgeous now” 

You felt your face warm as you shook your head “This is just..” “New?” Matt offered “A little weird?” Kelly suggested and you shrugged “unexpected?” 

“How so?” Matt asked, steering the three of you to a bench, where they purposely put you between them. “I always planned to go home to New York after my aunt passed and I got my uncle squared away” Matt nodded “We wouldn’t stand in way of that if that’s what you actually wanted” Kelly scoffed “We might” which caused you and Matt both to cut your eyes at him. He grinned “I’m kidding but still, like we could let her walk away?”

You sighed, staring down at your hands and fidgeting with your rings. “You two love each other. You’re gorgeous. Why do you want me?” 

Matt laughed lightly “Well the day you came rolling into fifty one it felt like the air itself got a little lighter” Kelly nodded “It damn sure got brighter from where we’re sitting” you shook your head “Be serious you two” 

“We are” Matt defended, turning to take both of your hands in one of his and you felt Kelly move closer to your side. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get him to open up on Shay’s birthday?” you cut your eyes at Kelly who nodded “Since she died, yet you came flying in. Made me eat, got me to talk and made me pull my head out of my ass to realize I was blocking Matt out from what was going on in my head and heart and that wasn’t fair to neither of us”

“The day you stood toe to toe with another firehouse in our defense” you shook your head “Capp was in there too” Kelly leaned down to whisper “You weren’t yelling about Capp. You were yelling about your captain and your lieutenant” you smiled slightly “Ok, point taken”

“You’re quiet at times you should be loud, loud at times you should be quiet” Matt laughed. “You barely sleep, can’t function without music and drink more coffee than the truck and squad combined” Kelly added and you started to stand up “Well geez just invite me out to tell me all my faults”

“Sit down” Kelly spoke low and you found yourself sitting. Matt smirked “Yeah I do the same” They both took one of your hands “You also have the ability to talk the entire house, us included into a snowball fight at two in the morning” Matt spoke, thumb tracing the back of your hand. “You make the best pancakes and can somehow correctly guess someone’s favorite color within minutes of talking to them” Kelly added, bumping his knee against yours.

“You pick up on people’s moods and can figure out what they need to help them. You go above and beyond for those you call your friends. You’re the most amazing woman we’ve ever met” Matt whispered and Kelly leaned over to add “And we think we could treat you right if you just gave us a chance here”  “And if we don’t work out?” you asked, not looking at either of them.

“Give us the six weeks you have left. A real chance. If you don’t want us then, we’ll help you pack and pay to have your stuff shipped back to New York” Matt offered. You raised your eyes up to look at him “Confident or cocky there Casey?” Kelly leaned over “Little bit of both? C’mon, the worst thing that happens is we take you out and spend time with you over the next six weeks. If you want sex, we’ll happily oblige. Then if you want to tear our hearts out and leave us, we’ll even pay for you to do so”

You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth “I’m gonna have to make sure you both can kiss before I agree to anything”  before you could say anything else Kelly’s hand was gripping your chin gently to turn your face towards him. The moment his lips brushed against yours, you melted against him. He grinned into the kiss, licking into your mouth as he pulled you closer to him. You moaned lightly before having to pull away to get air “Fuck Sev” you breathed and he grinned “So I get a passing grade apparently” and looked over you at Matt “Baby, you’re up” 

Matt turned you towards him, his touch was a bit more gentle than Kelly but just as demanding. He kissed you slowly, savoring the feel of your lips on his, his hand slipping back to cup your head and hold you in place as he deepened the kiss, rolling his tongue against yours and when you whimpered lightly he pulled away, laughing when you chased his lips. He grinned “Think I passed too”

You shook your head slowly “This is going to be interesting to say the least” and they both stood up each offering you a hand “C’mon spitfire. The night isn’t even over yet darlin” Matt teased with a wink.

“Welcome to the club” Fireball laughed, clicking her glass against yours. Matt and Kelly were playing darts against Jay and Mouse. Firecracker had texted that her, Connor and Will were on the way too. “I still have a couple weeks before my temp contract is up” you reminded her and she cut her eyes over the guys. “You look at them how I look at Jay and Greg. You’re staying honey”

You raised an eyebrow and she grinned “It’s me Spitfire. I walked into a preexisting thing. I know how it feels to think you’re on the outside, to want to fall so bad but hold yourself back. Hell I left Chicago when they were asking me to stay because I just felt like I didn’t deserve being loved like that. Don’t hold yourself back. Bad shit happened to us when we held ourselves back from each other, I think about it too much, of what would’ve happened had we just stayed together when we got home”

“It’s barely been two months” you whispered and she grinned “That you’ve been dating them. You’ve known them for how long now?” and you smiled slightly “True” she shrugged, taking a sip of her beer “I’m just saying, if you care about them, think you could love them..don’t let it slip away” 

You woke up with Matt’s arms wrapped around your waist, your upper body curled up to Kelly’s chest. “What time is it?” you whispered and Kelly groaned, looking over his shoulder at the time “Early enough we can get breakfast at that place you like if we get up now”

You grinned “Sounds good to me” he pressed a kiss to your lips then leaned over you to catch Matt’s lips in a kiss. Matt pulled you back into a kiss once Kelly released him “Have you decided what you’re doing yet darlin?” your contract was up this week. There was no way you could leave Chicago. There was no way you could leave these two. 

“I think I’m going to stay” you all but whispered and they both froze. “Did she say she’s staying?” Matt asked Kelly who grinned “She did” you shook your head with a smile “Did you two really think I was going to leave?” Matt shrugged “We weren’t sure” “We hoped you weren’t” Kelly added.

You looked from Kelly back to Matt “I’m happy with the two of you, though I am going to have to renew my lease” Kelly waved a hand around the room “I own the loft baby. Why should you pay rent?” you shook your head “I can’t do that” “Bull. You’re our girl” Kelly argued and Matt nuzzled his face into your neck before telling Kelly “Don’t argue with her but darlin, there’s a spare room here if you’re not comfortable being in here with us every night quite yet. We can find middle ground here”

You nodded slowly “I really care about you two, I hope you know that” “We really care about you too” Matt replied and Kelly added “A lot” you smiled “I’ll think about moving in, ok?” “Ok. Lets go get breakfast” Kelly agreed.

You were walking through the common area when a call rang out for an ambulance to respond to an officer having gotten shot. Your heart hit your feet simply because you knew too many people. You cut your eyes at Sylvie as you ran to the rig.

You jumped in the driver’s seat and she jumped in the passenger seat as you pulled out onto the road. “Tell me it wasn’t intelligence” you asked and she flinched “It was” you felt your stomach knot.

______________________

You pulled the ambulance to a stop when  you spotted Voight’s suv and jumped out, grabbing your bag. “Who is it?” you asked him, falling in step. “Jay” 

You stood in the waiting room, between Matt and Kelly. Both of them had their arms wrapped around you. Fireball was curled into Mouse’s chest, her hand holding onto Firecracker who was curled into Will’s chest. The four of them were clinging to each other while Connor was tasked with saving the brother of the man he loved and one of the boyfriends of one of his closest friends. 

“Jay’s strong. He’s survived worse. You and Sylvie got him here alive darlin” Matt whispered in your ear. You nodded, eyes not leaving the four in front of you “Still doesn’t help my heart seeing my friends in pain” 

You spotted Connor and knew your knees weakened because Kelly and Matt’s arms tightened around you. You held your breath when Fireball, Mouse and Will stood up. When Fireball slung herself into Connor’s arms hugging him and they both laughed you let out a shaking breath. He was ok. Jay was ok.

Fireball looked over at you with tears in her eyes and mouthed “Thank you” you nodded “Go to your guy” she grinned and grabbed Mouse before following Connor down the hall “See? You helped save him” Kelly told you.

You turned to look at the two of them and felt a smile slip onto your face “We’re off tomorrow right?” they both nodded. You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth before saying “Help me move into the loft?” smiles slipped onto both of their faces “We can get your stuff tonight” Kelly offered and Matt shook his head “She’s tired!”

You laughed lightly “I am, so can we go home?” Kelly grinned “Yes ma’am” and he grabbed one of your hands while Matt grabbed the other.

@desimarie12

@waywardhunter95

@100yroldteenagers

@elvenpirate51

[kcrabb88]

QuinObi Fic Rec List

QuinObi week isn't until October, but like I did last year, I wanted to drop some of my favorite QuinObi fics to get y'all excited! This list is not exhaustive, just a starter, but I hope you'll enjoy!

Hush by @violentcheese: a gorgeous Padawan first kiss fic! Made me a bit teary, tbh.

Don't Waste Your Treat by @ninjigma: Obi-Wan and Quinlan are on a diplomatic mission. They bicker over a popsicle and are very into each other. This fic had me sweating. <3

Flu Season by @coruscantrhapsody: Padawan Obi-Wan has a huge crush on Quin (which is definitely returned). A QuinObi Week 2023 fic by my bestie

Reach For My Hand by jelucan: Quinlan was presumed dead but it turns out he wasn't. He and Obi-Wan wander through Coruscant and have feelings. This is one of my personal fave fics for these two.

With a Little Help From My Friends by @palfriendpatine66: Quin, Obi-Wan, and Siri are best-friends-with-benefits. A piece from last year's QuinObi week that I adored!

On Your Best Behavior by wanderingjedihistorian: Obi-Wan and Quinlan accidentally get married on a mission. Why not have a wedding night?

To Our Halcyon Days by @lothcatthree and @krispyscreams: Obi-Wan and Quin reunite during the empire when Quin finds out their son Cal is alive. A great and super romantic multi-chapter!!

Shaking From Holding You Back by @ashinaburrito: Obi-Wan rips Tarkin a new one when he's rude to Cody, and Quinlan thinks that's hot. Smut ensues in a closet.

Counting to Coruscant by @fanfic-phoenix. This whole series is WONDERFUL and has everything from Padawan Obi-Wan and Quinlan to their lives during the war (and the moments of romance they're able to snag) to the aftermath of Rako Hardeen. Super super recommend!

Red and Orange Beacons Go Forth by @ashinaburrito: Quinlan gets caught in a psychometric vision and Aayla calls Obi-Wan for help.

Betrayal by @brachiosaurus-on: Obi-Wan and Quinlan reunite in the OWK show era. Beautiful, Beatiful fic.

Ride Around the Moon for a Velvet Kiss by blackkat: Snarky and wonderfully in character smut set during the Clone Wars.

Stumbling on the Way Home by CapGirlCanuck: a comics based one-shot that pays homage to Obi-Wan and Quinlan's long friendship. Lovely.

The Beach by @lilywhoisapotato: Stranded on an uninhabited planet, Obi-Wan blames himself for their predicament. Luckily, Quinlan knows how to cheer him up.

Liability by KCKenobi: Quinlan takes care of Obi-Wan after Qui-Gon's death.

Everything They Shouldn't Be by @noncanonship: After Obi-Wan's Starfighter suffers an unplanned fall out of hyperspace, he finds himself stranded near Karfeddion, exactly where Quinlan Vos is on a longterm undercover mission. Obi-Wan intends to avoid Quinlan in order to protect his cover, but the Force has other plans.

I'm going to be annoying and include a few of my own QuinObi fics (there are many because I love these two but I won't list them all):

Kill the Lights: Fix-it that centers on changing the Fives incident in TCW. Quinlan searches for a captive Obi-Wan with Anakin, Padme, and the Jedi's help. Featuring huge amounts of QuinObi (with lore I created based lightly off the Orpheus and Eurydice myth, but happier in the end).

Blood Makes Noise: My QuinObi-centric AIDS Crisis AU set in 80s/90s New York.

After the War (Part the First): It's Quinlan who goes on the Rako Hardeen mission.

After the War (Part the Second): Obi-Wan and Quin reunite via the Hidden Path

Always a Little in Love: Post-Geonosis. Quinlan bursts into Obi-Wan's room to yell at him for almost getting killed. Obi-Wan wants to forget about the war in it's infancy. Feelsy smut ensues.

Forty Years of Knowing: Obi-Wan and Quin commit to each other and extremely tender smut happens. Set in my RoTS fix-it verse but can be read on it's own.

Shoulder the Sky Verse: My RoTS Fix-It verse, including the initial RoTS AU of the same name, and it's sequel, Whispers from the Dead, as well as several one-shots. STS features QuinObi friends-with-benefits-to-exclusivity and WFTD has them in a committed relationship (and said relationship is a big part of the fic).

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

By Julia Musto

Wearing a mask helps to prevent the spread of respiratory illnesses, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Social media users slammed the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention after the federal agency shared a post recommending Americans wear a mask to help protect themselves against catching the flu.

“The best way to reduce your risk from seasonal flu is to get a flu vaccine but preventive actions like taking steps for cleaner air or wearing a mask are two additional ways you can protect yourself and others this fall,” the CDC said.

“Ugh go away,” responded X user @lovelycoconut.

“We are not wearing masks in big 2024,” said @newbootscoobin. “P**s off.”

A third user tried to get the attention of the platform’s Community Notes contributors, who work to provide context on “potentially misleading posts.”

And, another hit at the effectiveness of this year’s flu shot, citing a recent article in USA Today that detailed research finding this season’s trivalent influenza vaccine reduced the risk for hospitalization by 34 percent. The report cited a Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health associate professor who said experts typically expect that number to be around 50 percent. February data had found vaccines from last season had been 42 percent effective.

“It’s a little bit disappointing,” Dr Kawsar Talaat said. “This is on the lower end of what would be expected but not outside the range.”

Dr Jeremy Faust from Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital pointed out that the figure is an average in an op-ed in The New York Times last week.

“Effectiveness also varied by age and other risk factors, and most likely differed based on when in the season people got their shots. It was 31 percent effective in older people and 59 percent effective for young adults with medical comorbidities, another important target group,” he said.

As vaccine effectiveness wanes over time, he advised people to wait for the next month or so and pointed out that many who have already gotten vaccines have lingering immunity. People who reliably get flu shots every year may have cumulative benefits. This year’s version protects against swine flu, the H3N2 virus, and a B/Victoria lineage virus.

The CDC says the best way to reduce the risk of seasonal flu remains getting the vaccine, but that preventative actions can also help to prevent respiratory illness. They instruct people to cover their mouth and nose, as influenza viruses are believed to spread mainly by droplets that are made when people sickened with flu cough, sneeze, or talk.

“Wearing a mask is an additional prevention strategy that you can choose to do to further protect yourself and others. When worn by a person with an infection, masks reduce the spread of the virus to others,” it says. “Masks can also protect wearers from breathing in infectious particles from people around them.”

Many people had fairly partisan reactions to mask recommendations during the height of the Covid pandemic. Many questioned their effectiveness in preventing the spread of Covid, with studies since then reaffirming guidance from health officials.

An Ohio Republican Senate candidate posted a video of himself burning a mask in 2021, with the caption: “Freedom.”

Currently, CDC wastewater activity for the Covid is low across the US and deaths are trending down. But, California counties have issued new mandates in health care settings this month.

Last year, more than 44,900 people were estimated to have died from flu complications.

Across all US states and territories, influenza levels remain minimal. But, peak flu season doesn’t hit until December and lasts through February.

Some social media users hypothesized that the CDC’s posts could be in response to recent human cases of H5N1, which is colloquially known as bird flu. California cases have recently surpassed double digits, and around 120 herds of livestock have also been infected.

“I suspect they are attempting to (badly) prepare the public for bird flu…” said @mo_journeys.

“CDC soft launching masks again as H5N1 continues to pose more and more problems,” wrote @veggiequeen420.

The first known case of transmission to a human in the US occurred just two years ago. While the CDC is watching the situation carefully and working with states to minimize exposure to H5 bird flu, it says the current public health risk is low. Japan, however, recently raised its risk to the highest level. More than half of cases worldwide from 2003 to April of this year resulted in death, according to the World Health Organization.

[kaliforniahigh]

MEDUSA - Part Four.

We pick up right where we left off on the last part.

Warnings: talks of killing people, usual strip club stuff. Can y'all guess who the mysterious men are?

WC: 1.083 words. This one is on the shorter side, sorry :(

Summary: Y/N is a private dancer at a Gentleman's Club called Medusa. Noah Sebastian is a crime boss. Their paths cross when one night, Noah pays for one of her dances and they can't seem to be apart from each other.

Series Masterlist

After this eventful night, you really need to take a good bath. Scrubbing your skin clean of everything that has to do with Noah Sebastian and his friends. Hoping that in the process you're able to scrub him from your mind as well.

As you push yourself off the door you closed a few minutes ago, you make your way over to the couch to make sure everything is in order and not one drop of blood was dropped on it. You notice that your notepad you have on your side table is open and your pen has been thrown on top of it.

Deciding to inspect it further, you see a number written on it and a note right under that said "in case you need me, don't hesitate to call. Noah". You stare at the note for a good three minutes. Deciding you don't need anymore of this tonight, you rip the paper from the notepad and slip it in the side pocket of your work bag.

You know. Just in case you actually need it.

It was supposed to be an uneventful night. Until Ava told you that one of the girls came down with the flu and she really needed you to work the tables and entertain the patrons. You usually wouldn't do this, deciding that this aspect of your job was behind you a while ago. But you really couldn't take anymore of her begging.

Looking around the room, you noticed that it wasn't so crowded. People were scattered around the bar and tables, and the section you were supposed to cover only had a few people. Walking around, you waited for someone to flag you down to either request a drink, or ask you to sit down and make them some company.

You passed by a table with with around five or six people, when you heard a man calling for you.

"Hey, beautiful. Why don't you grab a drink for me and one for yourself and join us?" You looked at him, he had brown eyes and soft curls on his head.

"Of course, honey. What would you like?" You put on your nicest face and voice. Part of this was working their ego to the max, pretending that you were actually interested in whatever they wanted to offer you for the time.

"I'll take an old fashioned", you told him you would be back in a minute with both of your drinks. You sauntered your way to the bar and you could feel his eyes on you.

You decided to grab yourself a mimosa, not intending on getting drunk on the job, and you still had to drive home. You went back with the drinks, noticing there was a space for you to sit down, so that is what you did.

The curly haired man kept his arm around your shoulder, and as they conversed, you pretended to be interested in something else. They always wanted company, but they didn't want anyone meddling in their bussiness. You knew the kind of patrons that attended the club, meeting Noah was an example of that.

You couldn't help but tune into their conversation while you sipped on your drink.

"I swear they're fucking pissing me off, man. I almost had one of them last night, but I couldn't get a good shot at him", said one of them, he was wearing a cap on his head, but you could tell he was bald. This caught your attention, but they couldn't be talking about what you were thinking.

"We gotta have patience. Pretty boy is gonna have what he deserves in due time", the man beside you said.

"What we have in store for them is going to shock everyone", they collectively laughed, but you kept your composure.

"And after that, Noah Sebastian is just going to be an afterthought in the city of New York". You were trying really hard not to let the shake in your hands show, that is why you decided to set your drink on the table. You mulled over his words, a million thoughts running through your head.

The hand that was on your shoulder moved down to circle around your waist. You were hoping that they would be done soon, otherwise he would notice how cold and sweaty your hands were. Thoughts of this man hurting (or killing, you know that is what they were implying) Noah, completely frightened you. At this point you really couldn't deny you cared for him to some level.

The man tapped your waist twice, a sign that you were free to go. As you were standing up, you grabbed your drink, turning around to face them and saying "it was really nice meeting you, gentleman. I'm sure I'll see you around". You made sure to commit their faces to memory, since you didn't have any names.

"The pleasure was all ours, beautiful".

You made an enormous effort to smile, turning around and leaving. You whispered to one fo your friends that you needed to go to the bathroom, asking her if she could cover your tables. You tried to walk on a normal pace, but as soon as got to the back and into the dressing rooms, you ran to your bag, grabbing the note you slipped there the night prior.

As you looked at it, you weighted your options. You could tell him about this other men's plans, or you could leave him in the dark, risking his and his friend's lives. You decided to text him a simple message.

I'm sure you know who this is, I guess you already have my number. I need you to come to the club at 9pm and meet me in the same room as last time. I'll tell them you're coming.

You waited a couple of seconds, and his response came through.

I'll be there. Is everything alright?

You appreciated his concern. But it wasn't you he should be concerned about.

For now, yes.

After this, you put your phone and paper back inside your bag. You found Ava and told her you had a really important client booked for 9pm, and she told you she would have one of the girls cover you.

As you went back to the main room, you noticed that the men from earlier were already gone. Looking at your watch you saw you had one hour until Noah was supposed to be here. You just hoped you weren't too late.

Tag list: @concreteangel92 @darling-millicent-aubrey @mostlypanicking @thisbicc @rebelheart90 @moranastray @xmads-omensx @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lma1986 @skyemanzsstuff @theroyaldixon @mindlesssweets @dravenskye

If you want to be tagged on the next parts, please let me know!

Dividers: @cafekitsune

[reverieblondie]

Neighbors

Chapter 2: Heroic Spiders

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3 Part 4

Pairing: TASM!Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Burglary and knife being held to readers throat.

Summary: First day at work and your trying to keep a positive mindset despite your irritating neighbor messing with you. Whatever you just have to ignore it and keep going!

A/N: Sorry I've been behind on posting, I got sick with the flu for a week and that has made me behind. But I have four fics in the works currently! I am enjoying writing this series its a good pallet cleanser and has been helping me get all my cheesy rivalry romance ideas out. Hope your enjoying it! If you have a request please drop it in my inbox! I love getting ideas and interacting with all of you! If you want to be tagged for this series or anything else please leave a comment asking! Thank you so much for your support!

Word Count: 3,751

Chapter 2: Heroic Spiders

Cockroaches….that damn neighbor must have just been messing with you…

Exhausted, your neighbor's little comment had compelled you to spend the rest of the night checking every surface where a cockroach could be hidden, only to be met with nothing. Maybe he had done it just to stress you out, what a jerk…whatever, just avoid him, that should be easy. 

Though you can’t get too wrapped in thinking of your smartass neighbor right now, you need to focus on getting ready for work. The job you managed to land was at a bar in the neighborhood with an owner who seemed nice and paid decently; though you were still on the hunt for a second job, New York is an expensive place to live and your scholarship can only help you so much. 

Being a bartender was easy for you, it was one of the first jobs you got when you started going to school, plus there were always bars near campuses. There is also the fact that for your school schedule getting to work nights worked out best for you. Bartending was fairly simple and getting your certification was easy enough, yes you had the occasional creeps at the bar but usually, it was an overall safe environment with people just trying to wind down after their long work weeks. Plus when people are tipsy they tend to tip well, perks of the trade. 

Moving to New York for a scholarship has been a whirlwind of unfamiliarity, but bartending is something you knew and were confident in. Plus maybe there would be other people around your age working there, your shot at a friendship with the neighbors wasn’t going well but maybe you could be friends with your coworkers. 

Finished getting ready, you gather your bag and give yourself a once over. The outfit looks nice, the hair is done right, and the makeup is nice just the way you like it. This is perfect, you feel confident, and nothing is going to mess up your night! 

Walking out of your apartment you lock your door and you hear the creaky elevator doors starting to close. Quickly you call out for someone to hold the door as you run to the elevator, and to your delight a hand catches the door before it can shut. Getting to the elevator you wear a sweet smile ready for whoever held the elevator for you but once the doors open back up your smile sinks into a bitter glare. It’s him….the spider catcher with the grumpy attitude. 

As you begrudgingly walk into the elevator you see that his face equally doesn’t look too pleased to be seeing you. A part of you wishes he wouldn't have held the door so you could skip being stuck in the cramped elevator with him, but you don’t want to risk running late on your first day. So instead you must suffer through the awkward silence that’s filling in the space between you too. 

Standing there side by side your thoughts are lamenting why this elevator had to be so slow. Trying to keep yourself appear unbothered by him, your eyes go to observe him despite your trying not to. Today he looks a bit less tired and is wearing normal clothes, not his pajamas. His hair is still fluffy but you're starting to think that’s just how he wears it. Also, his brown eyes are covered up by glasses. Danm, he’s got that whole cute nerd thing going for him huh…

As you're studying him his eyes move to you and you quickly avert your gaze feeling flustered to have gotten caught looking. Get a grip girl you can’t think he’s cute he is a rude jerk who called you dramatic, you can’t think he’s cute, absolutely not! Staring straight ahead you swear you heard him slightly snickering to himself, just being so close to him so making your blood boil. Never before has someone bothered you so much but here he is driving you mad. 

Shooting your eyes over to him you're making sure to give him a dirty look, one that says, I don’t like your jerk face. Though he’s not paying attention, opting to fiddle around with his camera instead. Looking at the camera you note that it appears to be an older model then some white lettering on the device catches your attention. 

“Peter Parker…” you whisper, as you do his head shoots over to you with a confused look on his face. Moving your head at the number of floors you still have left to go, you feel his eyes still on you. 

“It’s rude to stare,” you say irritatedly

“Yeah, I know that, do you?” 

You whip your head around facing him now, “I wasn’t staring at you, I was reading the name on the camera.” 

“I was talking about before you said my name.” 

“Well I wasn’t staring at you then either,” -your liar, you were staring…

“Yeah sure…y/n” 

Your eyes go wide at him saying your name and you look at him confused. He points down at your bag with a smug look on his face.  

“Your school ID is hanging out of your bag” 

Looking at your bag you see he was right so you quickly tuck your ID back into your bag. Well isn’t he just clever….

Folding your arms in a huff the two of you fall back into a silence. He messes with his camera once more and you stare straight ahead while irritation grows. Maybe it's the awkward silence or maybe it's your need to have the last word because you can’t help yourself from muttering to him “I didn’t see any roaches….” 

He slightly laughs “Yeah your spider friend made sure of that” 

“What?! You think I’m going to get them now?!” 

He shrugs “That’s why you should be nicer to spiders, they help us in more ways than we know” 

“Didn’t realize I was talking to a spider enthusiast….” 

“I’m not a spider enthusiast..” 

“Could have fooled me…” 

The elevator grows quiet again and it seems this time you are going to have the last word. Success. Though as you're standing there you can feel eyes on you turning to give him a dirty look again, he might start thinking that's just how you look. Peter seems completely unfazed by the look you give him as his eyes scan you up and down. As if the elevator wasn’t already cramped now having a guy looking you up and down makes the space feel downright claustrophobic. You can’t help how his eyes on your bare legs make you want to squeeze your thighs together. Is he checking you out right now? Maybe you should scold him?  

“You do know that it’s going to be cold and raining tonight right?” 

The comment takes you aback for a second, he must be referring to your chosen outfit for work tonight and your lack of an umbrella and coat. A black long-sleeve top paired with shorts and a pair of comfortable tennis shoes is perfect for having to be on your feet all night. You wear these outfits because when you show more skin as a bartender you get more tips, well at the bar you used to work at anyways that's how it worked. 

Looking over at Peter you shrug trying to come off as unfazed as possible, “the weatherman said that it wasn’t going to rain a little cold but I can handle that.'' you say matter of factly to Peter. 

“Let me guess, the weatherman from channel 12? Yeah, he’s always wrong.” furrowing your brows you look at him confused. One, how did he know what channel you were watching? Two, how was he so sure of himself? 

“Well, he’s a weatherman, are you? Unless you're telling me you're a weatherman and a spider expert” You fold your arms and look at him with your eyebrows raised inquisitively. 

Peter looks at you eyeing him and slightly giggles to himself, “No I am neither but, I just have a…sense for these sorts of things''. 

You look at him and roll your eyes. “Well I am going to go with what the weatherman says, no offense to your weather sense abilities.” for theatrics, you hold up your hands and wiggle your fingers mockingly.  

This causes Peter to laugh out loud a bit “Well when you get caught in the rain and you're freezing, just know I told you so.” Peter adjusts his gaze back to the elevator staring at the warped reflections of the two of you with a sly smile on his face. 

“Don’t worry about me, I can handle it.”

“Like you handle spiders?” 

Smartass….

Before you can give your rebuttal the elevator is stopping with a loud whine and then opening up. In a huff, you exit quickly having had enough of Peter Parker. Sure he may have one this round but next time you will for sure have the last word. 

“Can I get a whiskey on the rocks with a twist” 

Before the guy could finish his sentence you're already pouring the amber liquid over the singular ice cube in a fresh glass. The final touch is the lemon rind being rubbed onto the lip of the glass cup then dropping the rind into the glass to keep working its aromatic magic. Sliding the glass over you smile at him. Going to wash his used glass you watch through partials as he places a fair tip in the jar for your service. You will be sure to always be quick with his drink to continue to get the good tips.

As you had hoped work was going smoothly, The bar was perfect, manageable with steady business. The perfect blend of just being busy enough that you see new people and keeping the shift going by fast but slow enough that you don’t feel like you're drowning. The best part is that the new boss Gregory was a nice family man who had inherited the bar from his dad. 

Gregory and you had started small talk while he showed you the ropes, you learned he had a wife with a son and another on the way. He revealed that he liked to hire college students who needed a flexible schedule. Though, much to your chagrin you were the only college student working at the bar at the moment. The last two recently quit due to them finding different careers with their degrees, a thing you're sure to do as well when you graduate. 

Though nobody else was a college student like you, everyone you met was nice and welcoming, making you feel like you could finally get that friend circle you had been craving. Though you need to play it cool, the last thing anyone wants is to be smothered by the new girl desperate for friends. -baby steps for now. 

The bar seemed to be a great fit, everyone was nice and all the customers seemed pretty chill. Maybe your luck was starting to finally turn around, maybe this would all work out and everything would go as you hoped.

Maybe… 

Taking a deep sigh you stare at the rain as it pours down onto the darkly lit sidewalk that you need to take to get home. Looks like your luck hasn't exactly changed. Resting your head against the front of the bar you hold yourself trying to keep warm as best you could. Seems that your neighbor should think about becoming a weatherman with that accurate weather sense of his. You even checked your phone's weather app and it said the rain chances were low! 

Now it's been 30 minutes since work ended and the bar closed and that was 30 minutes of you standing underneath the bar awning alone in a shifty neighborhood. If the rain wasn’t here to hinder you could have been home by now cuddled in your warm bed. No, with how everything was going for you it only makes sense that this is the outcome of your first night at work, and you only have yourself to blame. 

Coworkers had offered to stay with you but you knew how exhausted everyone was so you decided to just tell everyone you would call a cab. However, cabs cost money, something that you do not have a large sum of. So here you are waiting, as patiently as one can in a cold night rain storm, with your apartment keys tightly weaved between your fingers due to you still not having bought pepper spray. Maybe you could make a run for it? But you're completely exhausted from your first day so the last thing you want is to go take a sprint back to your apartment, but it might be your best bet. 

As you're leaning down to tighten your laces for your run a loud crash is causing you to jump. Startled, you nearly dropped your phone and keys, looking at where the noise came from. It of course came from down an alley of the bar, a dark and creepy alley…

Now there are two things you can do, one is to leave the area for a safe spot, this is the safe and smart option due to it being late at night and you being by yourself with only keys for protection. Then there is the option of being a dutiful employee and making sure that the bar is okay and not being robbed. Taking a moment to think you bounce on the heels of your feet shifting with uncertainty. - You're going to regret this…

Phone in hand and keys in your fist, you're briskly walking down the alley with your head on a swivel as you get drenched from the rain trying to figure out where the noise came from. Damn, your need to be a good samaritan, this is how people get robbed.  

Ignoring your inner thoughts as you go further down the alley you come across a broken window from the building next to the bar. Thankfully it’s not the bar and nobody seems to be around, you sigh of relief. So what now? Do you call the police? You could do that but do you want to have to wait around for them to get here? Examining the window you figure the best scenario is to get to a safe area then call them and explain what you heard. 

Tucking your keys into your pocket you start walking out of the alley but before you can get out, a sudden hand on the back of your neck has you being shoved into the brick wall of the building's side. Letting out a sharp scream, a hand is covering your mouth and a knife is being pressed to your neck. Eyes wide you feel yourself shaking as you stare at the bloodshot eyes peeking through the ski mask. A part of you wants to fight him off but every time you slightly move the man presses against you harder making you wince from the crushing weight. “Shhh, stop moving and I will make this as painless as possible.” 

Shit, Shit… you feel yourself starting to panic at the man's words. What does he mean? Mind scrambling your eyes start to fill with tears, “Drop the bag to the ground and slide to your knees…”  

No, No, No! You want to fight, you want to push him away but you can’t muster the energy, your limbs feel like jelly. Dropping your bag from your shoulder you shut your eyes tightly as you lean further into the wall, hoping for the wall to open up and swallow you, for someone to walk by and see you. Anything…please anyone…

Then a thwip noise and suddenly all that weight on your body is suddenly off you and you're sliding to the wet ground. Keeping your eyes shut you don’t dare look as you hear what sounds like grunts and punches. Then what sounds like the drop of something and running away, curling into yourself you're just trying to be invisible, wanting to wash away with the freezing rain. Then a voice, slightly muffled, is cutting through the pour of the rain, “Hey? You okay there….miss?” 

Opening your eyes you see the masked vigilante…Spider-man. Squatted in front of you he holds your phone towards you and your bag in his other hand. White lenses watch your shivering body as you slowly nod and reach out to grab your phone. 

“Are you hurt?” his voice asks calmly as he studies you, shaking your head he hums to himself before standing up and holding his hand out towards you. 

“Good, let's get you out of this rain. You might want to carry an umbrella with you, it gets rainy this time of year.” All you can manage to do is nod absentmindedly as you take his hand as he pulls you to your feet. Staring at the red and blue-clad man as he continues to ramble about the weather this time of year, it's all honestly lost on you as you're still in shock over what happened and what could have happened. 

“I don’t have an umbrella…” is all you managed to say. Your soft words stop his rambling and even though you can’t see his face you know it's contorted into a look of pity. You're happy you can’t see behind the heroic spider's mask, being pitied like a child would only make you feel worse in this moment.  

“Well, we will have to worry about that part later, for now, let's get you home, huh? Where do you live?” 

“Crescent apartments.”  

“Okay good, that's a short swing,” you watch as he starts to stretch and roll his hips, tilting your head you give him a look and he chuckles and shrugs. “Swinging is all in the hips, scared of heights?” he holds his hand out to you once more. Shaking your head you grab his hand and he puts your bag over his head before pulling you closer in a careful embrace. 

“Just hang on tight and it's best if you keep your eyes closed, the rain might sting your eyes if you keep them open.” 

Nodding you wrap your hands around his neck and with a strong arm wrapping around you and a thwip you two are off. Heeding his advice you keep your eyes shut and head tucked into his neck. You can't ignore how even though he's wrapped in a spandex suit, he's still giving off a comforting warmth that causes you to forget all about the rain and the cold you were once feeling.  The only thing you are focused on is the sound of the wind past your ears and the rhythmic beating of his heart. It's calming…

In what feels like a quick short minute you're no longer hearing the whooshing and the cold wind is no longer nipping at your bare legs. Keeping your head buried you feel yourself get placed down on your feet as a hand gently pats your back albeit kinda awkwardly but there's a tenderness there. “We have arrived…” 

Letting go, you look up at him again, still feeling shocked by everything that happened in such a short time. Opening your mouth you try to think of anything to say as you shield your eyes from the rain, but before you can manage anything spiderman is placing his hand on your shoulder “Get inside and get warm, you might get sick.” 

Then with a flick of his wrist, he's swinging off disappearing into the hazy lights of a rainy New York. Standing there you watch with a slack-jawed expression. That was Spider-Man, you were saved by Spider-Man…you have got to start being nice to all these spiders coming into your life.

Mind still hazy from shock, you're on full autopilot as you arrive at your door going to grab your keys from your pocket. You finally look down and your blood runs cold again. You have your keys and your phone…but your bag is gone. Thumping your head against your door you let out a low groan your sure your cranky neighbor is sure to hear, but you can’t care about that now Spider-man has your bag…shit…

Pushing inside your pacing around, how do you get your bag back? Is there a way to get a hold of him? Is there an emergency number? A signal? Walking aimlessly you feel tears pricking at your eyes. Frustration is starting to get at you from what seems to be the worst night of your life. First the neighbor, then the freezing rain, getting attacked, and now your bag is gone with some mystery masked hero! That bag had all your IDs, your money, and your planner! 

Twap

Pulling from your panic you Look at your window you see your purse stuck to your window with a note attached. Carefully you approach and retrieve your bag, checking the contents you see that everything is accounted for. Then you read the note:

‘I accidentally stole your bag, my bad! Stay warm!’ with the note you see a doodle of a spider with a smiley face. The little picture makes you chuckle slightly as you scan over the words. Spider-man has nice handwriting, you would assume it would be quick and scratchy but it was actually…pretty…huh…

Reread the note and place it on your nightstand and you trug yourself into your bathroom. As you're starting the shower to warm yourself up it’s then you finally glimpse yourself in the mirror. What stares back at you is a mess, make-up is running, your hair is flat and stringy and your face is puffy from when you were fighting off tears. As you stare in the mirror, you're looking at someone you don’t even recognize… a lump in your throat builds but you try to keep yourself from breaking down. Just remember your mantra- don’t let it get you down…stay strong…this was your dream…this is a great opportunity…

This night was a mess….This whole move has been a mess…

No friends…your neighbor hates you…barely making it by and it hasn't even been a full week…you still have school to worry about, how would that end up getting messed up…

Sinking to the floor, rest your head against the wall trying to keep your tears in.  

Maybe this was all a mistake…maybe this move…was a mistake…

Tags:@huesdreamhouse @keiva1000 @spdrwdw @betizda @lunablackcosplay

[wrishwrosh]

it’s time for DAMP BOOKS DECEMBER

here’s a rec list of cold wet seasonal reads: atmospheric books about offputting people, featuring mud, bog, spit, blood, wine, fog, ash, etc.

let’s get clammy with it. additional damp recs appreciated.

o caledonia by elspeth barker

a weird little girl in midcentury scotland. bonus wets: mushroom spores, slush, jam

the western wind by samantha harvey

a medieval murder mystery. bonus wets: goose grease, floodwater, the blood of christ

eileen by ottessa mosfegh

a juvenile prison administrator’s quarter life crisis. bonus wets: vomit, stale wine, dirty snow

the pull of the stars by emma donoghue

a couple days in a spanish flu clinic/maternity ward in dublin. bonus wets: amniotic fluid, mucus, soggy newspaper

a mercy by toni morrison

a household dissolving in seventeenth century new york. bonus wets: pox, mist, molasses

wolf hall by hilary mantel

a bureaucrat in the court of henry viii. bonus wets: ink, fever sweat, the thames

ghost wall by sarah moss

a camping trip with stone age reenactors. bonus wets: damson juice, bog bodies, bramble

the man who shot out my eye is dead by chanelle benz

a short story collection. bonus wets: brain matter, milk, the blood of christ again

never let me go by kazuo ishiguro

a dystopian art school for mysterious children. bonus wets: rain, marshland, tears

the name of the rose by umberto eco

a monastic murder mystery and also a primer on every theological debate that ever happened in 14th century europe. bonus wets: pig’s blood, bathwater, ink

wuthering heights by emily brontë

a case study in isolation, incest, and insanity, and the novel that inspired the whole list. bonus wets: dog saliva, mist, assorted consanguineous fluids

close range by annie proulx

a collection of wyoming stories. bonus wets: spit, semen, cold coffee

the giant, o’brien by hilary mantel

a giant irish storyteller visits london and loses his body to science. bonus wets: gin, pus, graveyard mud

study for obedience by sarah bernstein

a stifled woman in her family’s homeland. bonus wets: potato mold, creekwater, milk

giovanni’s room by james baldwin

an american in paris makes a mess. bonus wets: cognac, condensation, the seine

moby dick by herman melville

a man, another man, a third man, and a whale. bonus wets: sperm, fish chowder, sperm (other one)

the lottery and other stories by shirley jackson

a collection of unsettling stories about polite people. bonus wets: hose water, flop sweat, furniture polish

[shion-yu]

Day 6: Doctor turned patient

Ryo/Alex drabble for @medwhumpmay. Ryo’s a veterinarian, but that’s a doctor right? Also this is a two parter, with the second part tomorrow!

Ryo’s graduation is one of the most significant days of his life. He’s been in veterinary school for what feels like insanely long. His relationship has survived two US and one global tour where Alex was hundreds, even thousands of miles away while he studied and stayed right in place in New York. And yet the years have gone faster than Ryo expected, even if some days felt like they would never end.

Everybody who’s important to him is there: Alex, of course. Ryo’s parents and Shu, who are all proud for good reason because this would’ve been impossible at times without them. Elliot and Cliff sit behind them, their new baby fastened to Cliff’s chest in a cloth carrier. And then all of his closest friends are here too, graduating alongside him. It’s a really happy day. At least, it should be. Except Ryo woke up in the middle of the night with a 103 fever and his teeth chattering so hard that it woke Alex up.

It’s definitely the flu, and Ryo realizes then that he forgot to get his flu shot that past winter. It’s ridiculous and maybe a little ironic: the day he finally becomes a doctor and he’s sick as a dog. Still, he’s not missing this ceremony for the world and Alex knows better than to try and persuade him otherwise. This only happens once, it’s Ryo’s crown achievement in his life thus far, and he is not going to let a little flu keep him from enjoying it.

By the end of the first hour of maudlin speeches and a painfully dull keynote speaker, Ryo’s wondering if he should’ve stayed home. Damien, his best friend, keeps nudging him to remember to sit up. It’s getting increasingly difficult to heed this advice. His head is killing him, he’s freezing even in a vinyl black gown in June, and he’s starting to see little black dots in his vision.

He’s totally, absolutely going to pass out. How he’s going to walk across that stage in front of this huge crowd is anyone’s guess. When they call his name, Damien literally shoves him out of his chair to stand up. Just one more push. He’s done this for eight long, incredible, difficult years and this is the last push.

Somehow, with blurry vision and a forced, dizzy smile, Ryo stumbles up to the stage. He shakes people’s hands, is handed his diploma, and takes a staged picture with the president of his school. And then when he walks off stage, instead of returning to his seat like he’s supposed to, he makes a beeline for the bathrooms where he knows he can finally stop pretending that he’s okay.

“Sir, you can’t go this way,” someone says.

Ryo doesn’t even look at them and just mumbles, “I’m literally gonna puke,” and pushes past them. It seems like a better excuse than ‘I need to pass out.’

He makes it down one hall inside the building, stumbles into a wall, and then things go dark.

Part 2

[thecomicsnexus]

TMNT: SATURDAY MORNING ADVENTURES #23

MAR 2025 By Erik Burnham , Dan Schoening, Luis Antonio Delgado, Ed Dukeshire

With the rest of the turtles down with a Turtle-flu, it's up to Donatello to help Dirk Savage save New York.

RATING: GOOD

Reading this issue felt like watching another episode of the first season. And there is something in particular that triggered it: Dynamic shots.

Also, that's Bebop and Rocksteady's gang (in mutated form).

I think this is one of my favorites of Dan's issues. The perspective, character designs, and panel compositions are pure gold.

Another great mention should go to Erik Burnham. The past three issues have felt like complete standalone stories that never felt rushed. This team is a well-oiled machine by now, and I am loving it.

The cover is a reference to Nick Fury's Steranko covers.

[ardent-heretic]

WTF

Took Spawnette to get her annual physical. Her regular Doctor is on medical leave, so they pulled one old Doctor I have never seen before out of mothball storage.

This Dr started with the usual. But then she went off script. Asked 5 times what school does she go to? We had to repeat the story of our concern about Spawnette three times. Don’t worry, nothing horrible, but she has had an issue for two years that no Doctor or Specialist could grasp. And that really sucks. She kept repeating herself the whole exam.

She starts doing more diagnostic crap.

Then out of nowhere

When did you last inspect yourself for ticks? Spawnette was like Huh???

You need to check your entire body for ticks. You can never get bit.(what is with that sentence?) Does some more doctor stuff

And again.

Do you let your parents check you for ticks? You must look everywhere. Behind the ears, scalp, groin. Spawnette’s eyes widened at that. And I just nodded no.

Made small talk about HPV vaccine. Small talk about when flu shots will be available

Then

Ohh do you know how to check for ticks? It could be a big tick or a small black dot. If you find one you have to tell your parents immediately.

Asks about favorite fruit and favorite vegetable. What snacks do you like? Do you drink a lot of water.

How often are you outside? You must check for ticks each time you play outside. Even if it is for a little while. Beware of getting ticks.

Now just so you know her medical issue has nothing to do with Lyme Disease or anything like that. This old doctor was just jacked up on tick prevention.

New York State does have positive Lyme cases. And there are ticks everywhere. But holy hell, don’t give a kid anxiety about the outdoors making it sound like ticks are killing everyone. This Physical was an hour long and 50% of it was

“Tick gonna get you. Hide! Bathe in gasoline to kill them! Light yourself if they on you! Ticks are coming!”

It was nuts

And a side note from me. This Doctor types with her right index finger only. Like 14 words per minute, so as I am telling her medical history, I had to keep stopping and waiting for her to catch up. At one point I had to correct a mistake because I am an idiot. I said “Ohh I’m sorry I said she got a cat scan, she actually got an ultrasound.” She gave me a death glare and used arrow back key instead of clicking with mouse to change each catscan word into ultrasound. But I am just thinking it’s 2024. Maybe you should learn how to use a keyboard to type.

I think this appointment gave me an eye twitch.

[spoopydooblr]

The Ken and Stella pregnancy blurb was so good could you write one where they find out that she’s pregnant?

ive been thinking about this scenario a lot and i cant really decide how i want this to go . . .

i think a year or so after they get married (stella is like 30ish) they start to really do their research and find the best fertility clinic in the city. its been almost 20 years since kendall and rava struggled to get pregnant, but still, he's not feeling optimistic.

stella gets a clean bill of health from the doctor, but ken isn't so lucky. just as he suspected, he was the problem. again.

was it the drugs? he was clean now, but he used so much...could he have ruined his chances forever?

stella assures him that it'll be okay, but she never went through what he had to 20 years ago.

they decide on a couple of treatments. they're both taking shots every day and pills at night and its exhausting. most of the meds go to kendall, but stella has to take some too, just in case.

they begin with intrauterine insemination, which is pretty simple and painless, but stella gets her period two weeks later. its hard on both of them, but especially kendall because he knows it's him, not her.

next they try ivf, which is a lot more complicated and expensive (not that money is an issue). now they both have to do injections and stella goes in for her egg retrieval.

the egg retrieval goes better than expected and they're left with 10. ken's sample has some relatively viable sperm so they pull the trigger and try to make some embryos.

the waiting is by-far the worst part, because deep down kendall knows there's no way those embryos are going to get made with his shitty sperm. he's right, unfortunately, and they're back to square one with zero embryos and ten now-frozen eggs.

kendall suggests a donor, like they did with iverson. stella's heartbroken, but they start to look into other options.

because they have the best doctors, however, they get into a trial for a new drug that increases sperm count and viability. stella is thrilled and insists kendall try it, but it's another injection and he's not super happy about it. nothing has ever worked for him, why now?

it's nice to have a break from more intense treatments, so they agree and kendall marks his torso up with injection pricks again.

three months later, ken and stella are enjoying some time off from surgery and tiny, microscopic cells that control their lives. kendall's in new york for the week, working on some financials for their production company (i imagine them making something rival to waystar and completely taking over the media scene), and stella is holding it down in los angeles, or at least trying to.

it's flu season and she's been to so many fancy parties in the last few weeks, stella is sick as a dog. she's a little worried, but the nausea, vomiting and headaches are typical for the flu, right?

she also chalks her late period up to stress. but it's been at least a few weeks...

the day before kendall is supposed to come home, stella drives herself to the hospital after she can't stop throwing up.

"when did the symptoms start?" the doctor asks.

"a week ago, i think, but ive been feeling kind of off for a while."

"and there's no chance you're pregnant? when was your last period?"

stella's heart skips a beat.

"um, i'm not sure. we're trying, uh, but it's been unsuccessful. my period is really irregular and i've been stressed so--" she trails off. "we've been trying for a couple of years."

"and are you taking medication?"

"i did, but it's not really..." she thinks for a bit. "it's not a uterus issue, it's my husband."

"and what is he taking?"

she tells the doctor about the new medication kendall is taking. "it's only been three months, so we're still hopeful. or at least i am."

"i've heard some great things about that new drug. it's really changing people's lives." the doctor smiles, turning away from stella and writing something down. "i'm going to order some tests, but i think you're fine."

------------------

kendall, obviously, sprints to his jet when stella tells him she's sick. she insists she's fine, but wants him to come home as soon as he can, which stresses him out to no avail.

he bursts through the door four hours later, finding stella reading a magazine on the couch.

"stell!" he says, running towards her.

"hey baby." she hugs him, bringing him down to the couch with her. stella presses her lips to his, but kendall is confused.

"aren't you sick?" he pulls away.

her face breaks into a huge smile. "about that..." stella gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

kendall looks at her quizzically, as she comes back with a piece of paper in her hands.

"i have something to show you." she says, holding the paper close to her.

"okay..." kendall smiles at her, utterly confused.

stella carefully sits next to him on the couch. "here."

kendall recognizes the picture immediately. he used to frame them when rava was pregnant with iverson.

"what is this?" he holds up the ultrasound. it's too good to be true, right? tears prick his eyes.

stella is crying already, and takes his hand. "that's inside of me."

he looks down at the black and white photo again. a fuzzy, bean-looking object sits, next to another, smaller object. he's speechless for the first time in his life.

"what is that?" he whispers, pointing to the smaller object on the page.

stella looks at him, and he really can't read her for once.

"this surprise comes with another surprise." she laughs.

kendall's crying, but he takes another look. "is that..."

"yeah."

"two?" he smiles wide.

"i'm pregnant." she finally says, putting her hands on his cheeks. "baby, we're having twins."

they both burst out into crying giggles, hugging. kendall kisses her all over, stopping at her stomach. it's still pretty flat, but he knows her body so well he swears he can see a tiny bump growing.

THIS WAS SO FUN AND LOVELY TO WRITE I LOVE THEM AND I HOPE U DO TOO

[darkmaga-returns]

by Michael Nevradakis, Ph.D.

The committee that advises the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) on which flu strains to target for the upcoming flu season will not meet as scheduled next month, The New York Times reported on Wednesday.

In a statement provided to CNN, the FDA said:

“A planned March 13 meeting of the FDA’s Vaccines and Related Biological Products Advisory Committee [VRBPAC] on the influenza vaccine strains for the 2025-2026 influenza season in the northern hemisphere has been cancelled. … “The FDA will make public its recommendations to manufacturers in time for updated vaccines to be available for the 2025-2026 influenza season.”

The FDA sent VRBPAC members an email on Monday informing them of the cancellation, the Times reported. No reason was given for its cancellation.

According to CNBC, the VRBPAC meets each March to select the strains for the upcoming season’s flu shots.

Dr. Paul Offit, a pediatrician at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and member of the committee, told CNBC he wasn’t sure why the meeting was cancelled.

“Who canceled this meeting? Why did they cancel the meeting? Will manufacturers now turn to the World Health Organization to determine strains for this year’s influenza vaccines?” Offit asked.

[ink-stained-clouds]

Read in August ↴

favorites: ★

Books

Jackal by Erin E. Adams

Only Survivors by Megan Miranda

Four Found Dead by Natalie D. Richards

Finlay Donovan Jumps the Gun by Elle Cosimano

The Villa by Rachel Hawkins

Natural Beauty by Ling Ling Huang ★

One of Us Is Back by Karen M. McManus

The Cloisters by Katy Hays

Articles

Infant deaths surge in Texas after abortion ban

People from all over the world are sending emails to Melbourne’s trees

‘Everything you’ve been told is a lie!’ Inside the wellness-to-fascism pipeline

The ‘Flu Shot Cheerleader’ is back – with a warning about the anti-vaccine movement ★

Even Conspiracy Theorists Are Alarmed by What They’ve Seen

‘You’re not God’: Doctors and patient families say HCA hospitals push hospice care

Richard Hanna, Rising Right-Wing Star, Wrote for White Supremacist Sites Under Pseudonym

Inside the online world of people who think they can change their race

A Basement Housing Bill Killed by Conspiracists ★

Oregon’s Greater Idaho movement echoes a long history of racism in the region ★

‘Essentially witchcraft’: A former naturopath takes on her colleagues

Maybe It’s Lyme: What happens when illness becomes an identity? ★

Everyone at West Virginia University Knew Something Was Up. I Hate That We Were Right.

Listened (not technically reading, I know)

The Retrievals podcast from Serial Productions and The New York Times ★

Did two honesty researchers fabricate their data? podcast episode from NPR’s Planet Money

Scamanda podcast from Lionsgate Sound

[covid-safer-hotties]

Utah could see a winter surge of COVID-19, health officials warn - Published Sept 19, 2024

By Shaylee Navarro

After an “active COVID-19 summer,” health officials in Utah are recommending people renew their booster vaccinations — amid concerns of a winter surge of the virus that may affect the state.

Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show COVID-19 virus levels reached “very high” in Utah wastewaters since mid-July, with 10 sites reporting viral activity in the last 45 days. This time last year, Utah saw “moderate” levels.

“Many more people are having a milder illness when they get infected, but not everyone,” Dr. Andy Pavia, chief of the Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases at the University of Utah Health and Primary Children’s Hospital, said Wednesday in a remote briefing to media outlets. “We have seen severe disease and even several deaths.”

Upticks in cases across the country and Utah first appeared in the spring from the XP.1, XP.2, KP.3.1.1, KP.1 and KP.2 variants of the coronavirus. But even as Utah sees a “downswing” in cases, health officials anticipate another increase sometime this winter.

A new variant, called XEC, will likely fuel the late-year surge. So far this year, 95 XEC cases have appeared in 12 states, including in New York and California, according to Outbreak.info, a data project managed by Scripps Research.

Across the Salt Lake Valley, Pfizer, Moderna and Novavax boosters are available at most pharmacies and clinics, said Kavish Choudhary, chief of the University of Utah Health Pharmacy, in the briefing.

The Utah Department of Health and Human Services will continue to supply free vaccines for those without insurance, Choudhary added. The U will only carry the Pfizer vaccine.

According to Choudhary, all available coronavirus vaccines are 90% to 95% effective

“If you’re interacting with most folks, people on the outside on a regular basis, … that’s the push for getting a shot,” Choudhary said.

While officials encourage continued coronavirus precautions, they also suggest keeping up with other respiratory illnesses heading into flu season. For the 2022-23 season, the CDC estimates 31 million people experienced flu symptoms, with 21,000 deaths as a result.

“Flu is still out there,” Pavia said. “It’s time to think about not just COVID vaccines, but flu vaccines.”

For those who cannot get vaccinated or who are at high risk of severe disease, Pavia recommends masking as an effective way to prevent infection.

“Wearing a mask indoors and in crowded places is wise,” Pavia said. “It’s not popular. We’ve all worn masks too much, and we’re tired of it, but it still offers very good protection.”