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invidiosa · 6 years
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XF Ficlet: Make It Worse (MSR)
a prompt fill for @cinderella819 who chose MSR and #32 (“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”) from this post.  Enjoy the angstfest, my friend!
Read below or on AO3.
Mulder was still holding her when Scully tensed in his arms, signifying that she'd let her mind drift to something even more unpleasant. "What did you mean," she asked, "when you said that you wouldn't want it to come between us?"
"Hmmm?" he murmured, still rubbing her back lazily, hoping he could lull her back into complacency.
It didn't work. She pushed back and looked up at him. "When you came to tell me your answer, you said that you wouldn't want it to come between us."
He shrugged. "You said you understood. When I said it, you said you got it."
She pulled away and crossed her arms. "Yes, but that was when I thought you were saying no. In the context of you saying yes, it makes no sense."
"I told you it sounded weird. I – I just – It was what I was feeling at the time, okay? I can't explain it."
"Can you try?"
He shook his head. "I don't want to argue, Scully. Not tonight, okay? Can we just drop this for tonight?"
She turned away and began forcefully to rearrange the cushions on the couch where he'd just been lying. "No, no, you're right. Let's spread all our hurt feelings out rather than getting it all out in the open."
"I know what you're doing," he said, keeping his voice soft, knowing it wouldn't help to get as agitated as she was.
"What?" She turned, anger flashing in her eyes. "What am I doing? Trying to make sure I understand your motivations for something that isn't even going to happen now?"
"You want me to say something that's going to make this worse. You want to be able to be angry at me, rather than at the injustice of it all because I'm easier to be angry at. You probably already were if you think about it."
When he could see the argument dissolve from her face, he took the cushion still in her hands and tossed it on the ground, then he sat, pulling her down to the couch with him.
A tear escaped down her cheek. "And what could possibly make it worse?"
He reached out and wiped the tear away. Might as well go for broke. If she wanted it all out in the open, then he'd give her something to really sink her teeth into.  "How about 'I think I'm in love with you, and I'm terrified'?"
She burst out with a laugh. "Bullshit."
He blinked, pulling his hand back. He didn't expect that kind of a reaction. "What the hell do you mean by that?"
"I mean, there's no thinking about it, Mulder. Not with you. You are a god damned Oxford educated psychologist and you just picked apart why I was starting a fight with you. You don't have to guess. You either are or you're not. But terrified? Yeah, terrified, I will give you. And stop trying to change the subject. I know what you're trying to do, too."
He raised an eyebrow, unsure whether he should be impressed with her deduction or affronted. "And what's that?"
She sniffled. "Give me a reason not to give up."
He couldn't help a small grin. At least she wasn't denying him outright. "Is it working?"
"Maybe." She didn't return his smile. She nudged his knee. "Tell me what you meant."
He sighed. "Fine. This." He motioned a finger back and forth between them.  "This exact scenario. If I said yes, and we went through with it and it didn't work. It would affect us in ways we wouldn't be able to get past."
"You think I won't survive this?" She narrowed her eyes at him, as though waiting for him to say the wrong thing.
"No, I know you will. But you will shut off a part of yourself and I will never get it back. So, you see, another reason for me to be terrified."
"Even if – it wouldn't –you – you don't understand." She let her head fall into her hands.
He took hold of her wrist and turned her to face him. "You're acting like I didn't say yes. I'll admit it was cautious, but it was a still a resounding yes, Scully. I wanted this as much as you did."
She nodded. "Okay. You're right. But it wouldn't -- "
"Wouldn't it? What did you think was going to happen? I'd be Uncle Mulder, Mommy's work friend? Never see them except on Bring Your Kid to Work day?"
She shrugged. "We hadn't discussed your involvement."
"Consider it discussed now then. Involved. Completely and utterly. All in."
She nodded again, closing her eyes to thwart the tears threatening to spill. She stretched out her arms and pulled him into an embrace.
"Thank you," she said into his ear, "but it doesn't even matter now. Last chance, remember?"
"Doesn't it?" he asked, tightening his hold on her. "I'm terrified, remember? Don't make me repeat why."
"I remember," she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "For what it's worth, I'm terrified too."
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snickerl · 7 years
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Mom’s The Best
A collection of XF ficlets
I started this collection of stand-alone ficlets featuring Margaret Scully because she’s always been one of my favorite characters and a season 11 without her seems too much to take.
This installment is the answer to the prompt of a friend who’s not even on Tumblr. My thanks also go out to @how-i-met-your-mulder and @cinderella819  for helping me out with some narrative details. 
This is the first time ever I took a prompt and I enjoyed the challenge, so feel free to send me story ideas.
So far, the collection contains the following ficlets:
PEPPERMINT TEA APPLE PIE
ROOT BEER
"You can't be serious, mom. You're taking me shopping for baby clothes?" Scully asked from her place in the passenger seat of her mother's old, beat-up Nissan. "You said you would take me on a fun trip."
"This will be fun! You and me and all these cute little baby things. Besides, you're more than eight months along, Dana. What did you plan to dress my grandchild in after he or she was born? A receiving blanket? The nursery is still an empty room. I told Fox to drive to my house while we are away and get the Scully family crib, so the kid has something to sleep in at least. But you also need clothes, a baby tub, diapers, formula and-"
"I'm going to nurse him, mom, I won't need formula, at least not for the first weeks," Scully said before she realized that she disclosed information with it she would have rather kept a secret until the baby was born.
"Him?"
Scully sighed. "Yes, mom, I'm having a boy, but don't tell anyone, especially not Mulder. He's been trying to pry the gender out of me and thinks he's being very clever in his subtle efforts when a matter-of-fact he isn't."
"Oh, that's wonderful, Dana!" Maggie shrieked joyfully. "I've always pictured you as a boy's mother. You were such a tomboy yourself."
Margaret Scully had picked her daughter up half an hour ago. Her grandchild was due in a little more than three weeks and Dana hadn't even agreed on a baby shower yet. She was on maternity leave, had all time in the world to build a nest for her baby, but all she had done so far was attending two Lamaze classes; one all by herself and one together with Fox. Plus, this whole I'm-not-speaking-about-who-the-father-is thing was very disturbing for Maggie. In a way, she understood Dana's voicelessness. At the beginning of her pregnancy, Fox - He was the father, of that Maggie was sure. Who else? - had been missing and had later been presumed dead. Dana had tried to cope with the sad truth that her child would have to grow up without a father, so she had refused to even talk about him. But now that Fox had returned, the entire circumstances of his miraculous resurrection still incomprehensible to Maggie, why would Dana still not name him as the father? Not to mention the fact that some kind of gray veil seemed to be draped over this last stage of her pregnancy which had made her even neglect shopping for baby clothes. So Maggie had decided to take her out for a fun mother-and-daughter afternoon they would spend in several baby shops. Later on, she'd treat her some ice cream, chocolate cake, hot dog, greasy pizza or whatever food she was currently craving.
"First stop. Dawn's Baby Boutique." Maggie pulled over into a parking lane, unbuckled and got off the car. She walked around it to the passenger side to help Scully who was struggling to heft her massive body out of the vehicle.
"How is it that you know baby boutiques, mom?"
"I asked Grace's daughter, Amber. She had her twins half a year ago and she knows all the good stores."
Maggie grabbed Scully's sleeve and tugged her along into the boutique. They heard a chime when they stepped inside. A very attentive shop assistant instantly showed up at their side.
"Welcome to Dawn's Baby Boutique. Just because you're little, doesn't mean you have to dress out of style. My name is Francine, how can I help you?"
Scully rolled her eyes but Maggie was delighted. "It's our first baby," she told the over-zealous salesperson, "we'd really appreciate your help." Her daughter moaned.
"Are we having a girl or a boy?" Francine cooed.
"I...am having a boy," Scully noted somewhat annoyed. She hated being addressed like a five-year-old at the dentist. "And I think we'll be fine, Francine, just show us the boys section, please."
"What kind of style are you looking for?"
"Uh, I beg your pardon? Onesies, bodysuits, pajamas...something like this?"
"No, I meant which of our current collections are you interested in? The pastel collection? The black-and-white collection? Are you looking for casual outfits or something more prestigious for an official occasion?"
"Official occasion? Look, I just need some newborn essentials, okay? Nothing fancy or stylish."
"I see. Well, then here's our 30% off clearance of last year's collection."
Scully grabbed an item randomly off the table Francine was pointing at with some repulsion in her gesture as if she was leading them to the poison chest and held it in the air. "A simple white bodysuit for 29.95?"
"It's a well known French brand," Francine spoke as if to a complete ignorant. "It's 90% organic cotton and 10% merino wool. You have to wash this by hand."
Scully chuckled. "By hand? A baby bodysuit? Well, my child does not need exclusive, stylish clothes. I want something convenient, comfortable and affordable. No frills."
Francine slammed her eyes shut at the word 'frills' and sighed dramatically. "Well, then I'm afraid our boutique is not the right place for you, Ma'am. Our clientele usually consists of people with a sense for fashion," she said with her nose up in the air.
"You know what, Francine? I have the same feeling. Come on, let's go, mom." Scully grabbed her mother's arm and towed her out of the store.
Maggie hadn't said a single word, she had simply listened to the exchange between her daughter and the shop assistant, her mouth open and her eyes wide. "I didn't know you had to be a graduate in fashion design to be able to buy baby clothes," she said when they were out on the street again.
"You don't, mom. Let's find a department store with a baby section. I'm sure they have all we need there." Scully linked arms with her mother and waddled next to her. "She was funny, though." She tried to imitate Francine's slightly nasal, snobbish tone of voice, "our clientele usually has a sense for fashion, Ma'am." Both women looked at each other and burst out in laughter.
Maggie was very pleased. Despite this first abortive attempt of layette shopping, she had already reached the main goal of the afternoon and that was to make Dana forget her worries for a while and enjoy herself. They had been walking for quite a while through the streets in their search for a department store, mainly because Scully hadn't exactly swift feet these days when she abruptly came to a halt and moaned.
"What's the matter, honey," Maggie asked, worry threaded in her voice, "something wrong?"
"No," Scully answered, rubbing her belly, "the baby...it's practicing gymnastics. Ouff!"
"You mean he."
"Yes, he." A huge ear-to-ear smile developed on Scully's face. "I think I'm too used to keeping the gender neutral. It's nice to call him he. Ouch! One more somersault. Hey, junior," she addressed the person in her belly, stroking her protruding abdomen tenderly, "have mercy on your mother. In a bit of time, you'll have so much room to kick around, but not now, please. Grandma and I are going to buy some stuff for you."
Maggie wasn't ashamed of the tears that were brimming up in her eyes. When her daughter had told her after her cancer treatment that she wouldn't be able to have children, she had been heartbroken. Everyone thought that Dana was a career woman, that fighting her way up the ladder in a male-dominated environment had made her tough, stony, and centered on her professional success, but that had never been true. Maggie knew that she was caring and compassionate and had so much love to give, to a man as well as to a child. Being a mother herself, and having found so much joy in this role, she had been awfully sorry for Dana, especially when she had noticed how much she herself mourned the children she would never have, although she had tried to hide it. Of course, she had, like she always hid her innermost turmoil, even from her mother, but today she was showing how much she enjoyed her pregnancy and how much she anticipated her child being born. It hadn't been like this for most of her pregnancy and it filled Maggie's heart with so much joy and hope that she felt like jumping up and down like a little girl. "May I?" she asked holding her hand in front of Scully's abdomen.
"Sure, mom," Scully said and placed her mother's hand at the spot where her son's feet pushed against her belly from the inside. "Thanks for asking though, you won't believe how many people think they can touch a pregnant woman just because they feel like it."
"Yes, I remember. Grandma Scully used to do that, and Aunt Mary, too. It felt like they were sizing me up every time they saw me. I hated it but didn't dare to say a word."
"Oh, I did, believe me. The people who touched me will never touch a pregnant woman again without asking for permission first!"
Maggie laughed. She believed every word Dana said. Her daughter could be very intimidating despite her frail appearance. She'd always admired her for her ability to compel respect and make herself heard. She felt the baby move under the palms of her hands, him. Even after four children and two grandchildren procreation still was a miracle to Maggie, God's work. She stroked Dana's belly with awe through the fabric of her blouse, which was stretched tightly now that the pregnancy was coming to its end. "Is he always this active?"
"Not so much lately. I guess it gets a little tight in there," Scully said with a wry smile, her hands on her lower back.
Maggie pulled her hands back and searched her daughter's face for signs of exhaustion. "Do you need a rest? Shall we go for a drink somewhere?"
"I'm fine, mom. Let's do the shopping first and grab something to eat and drink afterward. I'm craving some cheesecake and a root beer."
With this, Scully linked arms with her mother again and they resumed walking down the street side by side.
"I more or less lived on root beer when I was pregnant with you, Dana," Maggie reminisced. "I sent your father to a 24/7 gas station at night once because I needed a root beer so badly that I couldn't go back to sleep without having one. He was so annoyed, he said you would be our last one. Well..." She chuckled. Charlie, their youngest child, had been born only two years later, and then it had been herself who had shot the bolt after number four because strictly speaking, she had been raising their kids more or less alone with Ahab being absent most of the time. Being a Navy wife hadn't always been easy. She sincerely hoped for Dana to have the baby's father around more to shoulder some of the burdens.
And here she was again contemplating Fox's role. Why was Dana so reluctant to name him as the father? And why was he so aloof? It could only be him, couldn't it? Maggie hoped to get a chance to talk to Dana about it. Later, when the shopping would be done.
"I wished I could have more than one," Dana pulled her out of her reverie. "I loved growing up with three siblings. I imagine life as an only child can be boring sometimes."
"Who says you won't have another one?"
"This pregnancy is a miracle, mom, and miracles don't happen twice."
"We'll see," Maggie said in a voice heavy with meaning and a warm smile. "Look there's Bloomingdales. Shall we have a look in there?"
Three hours later, mother and daughter were sitting in a café downtown, recovering from their extensive shopping, several huge shopping bags scattered at their feet. They had ordered cheesecake and tea, although Scully craved for a strong espresso the doctor had forbidden. Maggie watched with delight how she savored the cake, moaning slightly and licking her lips every time she put a piece into her mouth.
"Mmmm, this is so good. Would you share another one with me, mom?"
"No, honey, I'm full, but you can have one more." Maggie waved for the waitress.
"I can't possibly eat two pieces of cake, I'm already so fat," Scully whined.
"You're not fat, Dana, you're pregnant, and pregnant women are allowed to let themselves get carried away sometimes. Anyway, you'll lose all the weight you've gained once you start nursing, you'll see. So relax and enjoy." She looked at the waitress who had joined them at the table. "We'll have another piece of cheesecake, please, and two root beer floats." When her daughter looked at her questioningly, her left eyebrow hitting her hairline, she said matter-of-factly, "we deserve a bit of indulgence, don't you think?"
Scully furrowed her brows. "I think I've never seen you drink a root beer, mom."
"I guess I had an overdose during my pregnancy with you, I couldn't stand it anymore once you were born. It made me sick, actually. But today, I feel like having one."
"I'll be in a sugar coma once I get home."
"So what?" Maggie asked her and was rewarded with a beautiful smile. "Yeah, so what," Scully silently agreed.
When the supplementary serving of cheesecake arrived along with two outrageously delicious looking root beer floats, the Scully women resumed their pleasurable chat about everything and anything but after a while, Maggie couldn't keep her curiosity in check any longer.
"Forgive my asking you this, Dana, but it's a question that's been keeping me occupied for quite a while now." Maggie looked at her, hesitated a moment, then got if off her chest. "Fox and you...uhm...will you be getting married? It would make sense now that the baby is coming any time soon, wouldn't it?"
Dana's eyes widened. She swallowed. It was clearly something she wasn't comfortable talking about. "Uhm, that's a rather personal question," she mumbled.
"I know, but I'm your mother, Dana, and I'm worried about you."
"There's no need to worry."
"Really?"
"Really."
Maggie was not convinced. "To be honest, the two of you don't appear like a happy couple waiting impatiently for their baby to be born."
"That's maybe because we aren't," Dana said, her features so frozen it made a shiver travel down Maggie's spine.
"You aren't happy?"
"A couple. Happy...Uh, I don't know, mom, it's complicated."
"But he is the father." Maggie chose to phrase it as a statement, putting it as a question entailed too many complications, and besides, it seemed impossible that Dana had been together with someone else but...the mere thought of it was... Maggie shook her head.
"Yes, he is the father, but he's still struggling with his future role. What was dad like when you were pregnant with Bill?"
Maggie smiled at the reminiscences of her late husband. "He would've never admitted it but he was scared to death. I remember how he secretly read those books about how to care for a newborn, believing I didn't notice. It's not easy for men, Dana. We, as women, can bond with the being growing inside us much easier that men. We carry the child in our bellies for nine months, we feel our bodies change in their natural ability to nurture. For them, the whole thing is so abstract and incomprehensible. All they can do is witness their wives change, secretly fearing what motherhood would do to them, whether they will live on mainly being mothers to their child and not so much their lovers anymore. Men struggle with jealousy just as firstborns who are awaiting the arrival of a sibling. But when the baby has eventually been born, when they are able to hold it, the fears and doubts evaporate into thin air. I remember your father's wrinkled forehead when they wheeled me into the delivery room just as much as his blissful face when he was holding Bill for the first time. It happened to your father, and you'll see, honey, the same will happen to Fox."
Her story had touched Dana, Maggie could read it on her face. She had always been daddy's girl and the one who had suffered from Ahab's unexpected passing the most beside herself. Pulling her further down sweet memory lane couldn't harm. "He was thrilled when you were born, Dana. He'd so hoped for another girl."
"Really? I thought men rather hoped for a son and heir."
"He already had his son," Maggie said with a smile. "And he already had a daughter he adored. I don't know what it was between you, but the moment he saw you after you'd been cleaned up by the nurse, he was enchanted. And no matter what you did, the spell had never been broken."
Dana threw her a bittersweet smile, bitter for the hole her father had left behind in her life, and sweet for how close she had been to him. "I wonder how Mulder reacts," she said more to herself than to Maggie.
"Will he be at your side in the delivery room? I wished I had Ahab with me, but men weren't allowed back then."
"I don't know. We haven't talked about it yet. We haven't talked about so many things."
"Why?"
"Because it's so difficult, mom. It's really complicated between us."
"In what sense?"
Dana bit her lower lip, sucked it in and chewed on it. She was fighting with herself whether or not she should tell her. Maggie, on her part, didn't know what to make of her hesitance. All she wanted Dana to do was unburden her heart, so she implored, "Dana?"
"There's something I never told you, mom." She sipped nervously at her root beer float and licked the froth off her lips. "Do you remember when I told you that when Mulder had been searching for a cure for my cancer he also found a vial with ova that had been harvested from me during my abduction?"
"Sure, dear." Maggie remembered every word. What Dana had told her the Christmas she had found out that Emily Sim was her biological daughter had sounded so surreal and had been so incomprehensible that it had taken Maggie several days before she had been able to believe it. Until then, she had always assumed that the chemo and radiation had been the cause for Dana's barrenness.
"What I didn't tell you was that Mulder not only found the ova but had it stored in a reproduction facility. I asked my doctor to check it and he told me the eggs were viable and that he could get me pregnant with them if I had a sperm donor. I...uhm, I asked Mulder. And he agreed."
Maggie nodded. Of course. Fox. Who else?
"It was the most wonderful thing a friend has ever done for me," Dana hiccuped and smiled for a brief moment. "I was so grateful. But it didn't take it, obviously. When I couldn't afford a second attempt, he insisted on paying for it. He so badly wanted this for me because he felt responsible for my being barren. It didn't work out either as we all know. I thought that this was it, that this had been my last chance to have a child and I was devastated. He told me to never give up on a miracle."
"Your FBI partner not only donated his sperm but also paid for the procedure to get you pregnant? I've never heard of anything like it."
"As I said, things are different between us."
"They definitely are. They are wonderful though, Dana. I mean, he must have cared for you a lot to be doing that."
"I know." Dana clenched her jaws and swallowed.
"Is this pregnancy also a result of an in vitro fertilization?" Maggie asked.
"No. Uh, Mulder and I...we, uhm..." her vis-á-vis cleared her throat now. Maggie held her hand up to silence her daughter and help her out of the uncomfortable situation, signaling her she knew what needed to be done to conceive a child the traditional way, and the awkwardness was gone. Dana continued. "Of course, we never expected this to happen. When he went to Oregon, he left a barren women and he can't understand how he returned to a heavily pregnant one. He doesn't feel any connection to this pregnancy. He calls it the baby or your baby, it's never ours or his. He says he's happy for me, and that the child is lucky to have me as their mother. He sees himself as the sperm donor once again, I'm afraid, and not as the father."
A sad sob escaped Dana's chest which tore Maggie's heart apart. She squeezed her hands tenderly to keep them still after they had been fumbling with the napkin the whole time. "Give him time, Dana. He's still here. If he had wanted to escape from fatherhood, he would've left. I'm sure he wants to reach out to you but simply doesn't know how. He's completely and utterly devoted to you, that much is clear."
"Do you really think so?"
"I'm absolutely sure. Ever since you'd been abducted, I knew about his feelings for you. And I want you to stop worrying, sweetheart. You're going to have a baby soon, and you're going to be a wonderful mother. Everything is going be fine, Fox and you are going be fine. Have you decided on a name yet?"
"Yes, I have, but I want Mulder to be the first person to know. No offence, mom."
"None taken." Maggie lifted Dana's chin with her index finger to make her look at her. "Another root beer?"
Dana shook her head. "No, I think I'm going to burst if I swallow down anything else. Plus, my swollen feet are killing me. I need to put them up on the couch. I'd like to go home."
Maggie nodded and beckoned the waitress over. "Alright, sweetheart. Let me get the check, this is on me."
When Scully opened the door to her apartment half an hour later, she dropped her bags right next to the door and rushed to the bathroom without saying a word. Mulder, who was sitting on the couch reading the sports section of the paper, looked up and then shrugged at Maggie who stepped over the threshold behind her daughter carrying some more bags.
"Full bladder?" he asked.
Maggie chuckled. "Probably one too many root beers."
"Oh, that craving again. There's nothing like Scully in a state of hyperglycemia. She'll be active all night."
"I'm sorry, Fox. We just had so much fun eating cheesecake and drinking root beer."
"That's perfectly alright, Maggie. She deserves to have fun. She's too occupied with worrying these days." One of the reasons for her worrying being you, Maggie thought but didn't speak out loud. But at least he noticed her state of mind and was obviously worried about her too. That was a good sign. "Your shopping trip was a success, so it seems." He points to the bags Scully had dropped and the ones Maggie was still holding in her hands.
"Definitely. If your baby was born tomorrow, there would be everything here you need." She'd deliberately chose to say ‘your baby' just to see how he reacted. And he didn't disappoint.
"That's wonderful for Dana. I'd hate to see her lacking something essential once she's home with the baby."
Maggie had just wanted to ask him where he was planning to be once Dana got home but was kept from doing so by Scully crying out in the hallway. Maggie stared briefly at Mulder, then hurried over to her to check for the cause of it. When she reached her at the door to what was to become the nursery, she found her in tears. "What's the matter, Dana? Are you in pain?" Maggie asked in a high-pitched voice, scrutinizing her daughter from head to toe, but nothing seemed wrong with her. She didn't hold her back, she didn't breathe any pain away or grimaced in agony, apparently, the water hadn't been broken either. All she did was lean against the doorframe and stare into the room.
Scully didn't answer her mother. She kept on staring into the room, her eyes watery. "Mulder," she eventually whispered when he had caught up with them, "you painted the wall and assembled the diaper changing unit."
"And you fetched the crib from my house," Maggie added stepping inside the room. She smelt the fresh paint. The wall where Fox had put up the changing unit had been painted in a bright, sunny yellow. Dana had wanted it yellow as it would be okay for both a boy and a girl. Maggie's hand grazed the old crib gently which was standing in the middle of the room. Bill, Melissa, Dana, and Charlie had all slept in this crib. And soon Fox and Dana's baby boy would be sleeping merrily in it, and they would be gazing inside at the miracle they had created just like Ahab and herself had done so many years ago. She forced her emotions down which threatened to overwhelm her.
"Yeah, I got bored." Fox rescued her from the emotional overload. "So, on my way to your house, I went to the hardware store and bought some paint. Yellow, like you said you wanted, Scully. It's suitable for a nursery and safe for a pregnant woman as well, the shop assistant told me. It's latex-based and even saliva-proof, just in case the offspring wanted to lick the wall. The smell will wear off quickly as long as the room is ventilated sufficiently. I also bought some wall stickers for when the paint has dried. They had a set of stars and planets with a UFO," he paused and let the idea dangle in the air for a moment before he continued with a grin, "but I got the zoo set. It has giraffes and elephants and monkeys and all kinds of wild animals. I thought you might like that one better, Scully. Nothing alien-related in your baby's room, right?"
There it was again, he had said your baby. Maggie's chest constricted but Dana didn't seem to bother. She waddled over to him and put a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, that's so thoughtful of you."
"Uh, you're welcome." He raked through his hair shyly as if he was embarrassed by the innocent kiss. Maggie saw in front of her very eyes what her daughter had told her about the lacking connection between them. "No big deal really," he declared with a shrug, "you were away for hours and I didn't know what to do with myself. So, what did you get?"
"Ooooh, so many things. Bodysuits, onesies, tops and bottoms, socks, PJs, hats, a jacket. We got blankets, swaddles, bibs, a towel and washcloth set." She took a deep breath before she continued listing the items they had shopped. "Diapers, wipes, pacifiers, baby nail scissors, a music box and a nightlight. It was so much fun, Mulder."
Fox smiled at her and Maggie saw his love for her flash up in his eyes for a split second. "That's good, Scully," he then said, "now you don't need to worry about any of these things anymore." He used you again as if he had nothing to do with it, while at the same time he had been painting the nursery with non-toxic, saliva-safe paint. Contradiction, thy name is Fox Mulder, Maggie thought and sighed quietly.
"I also bought something for you, Mulder," her daughter gushed, not hiding her excitement. To Maggie's surprise, she pulled a little paper bag with a ribbon out of one of the huge bags on the floor. She had caught Fox off-guard obviously as he asked somewhat flabbergasted, "for me?"
"Well, not exactly for you to use on yourself," she explained.
Maggie was touched by the boyish joy that took possession of him. She hadn't known that Dana had bought a present for him and was as curious as he was. He loosened the ribbon and peeked inside the bag while her daughter couldn't keep an anticipatory smile off her face. He furrowed his brows, reached inside with one hand and pulled a piece of fabric out which turned out to be a onesie printed with...stars, planets and a UFO at the front.
Dana's smile widened, Fox's eyes widened, and Maggie held her breath.
"What happened to 'I don't want anything alien-related in my baby's room'?" he asked, astonishment written all over his face.
"I know I said that, but when I saw this piece at Bloomingdales I thought you might like it."
Maggie's heart almost burst. Those two were simply amazing. Fox complied to Dana's needs as a matter of course, keeping the nursery free from what such a huge part of his life was just because she didn't want it there. And Dana brought exactly this part into her baby's world because she knew how important it was to him. Two people, throwing off their darkest shadows in order to meet the other's deepest needs. It spoke of their utter devotion and infinite love for one another in a way it brought tears to an old woman's eyes.
Maggie found herself proven right, Fox wanted to be the baby's father not only the sperm donor. He had set up the changing unit, had fetched the Scully family crib from her house, was decorating the nursery in a way Dana liked, those were all signs of his desperate efforts to be there for her and the baby. Why he couldn't speak of the baby being his, she didn't know. It had to be some kind of PTSD he was struggling with after having come back from the dead. Well, who wouldn't be traumatized by an experience like that? She understood, and she knew Dana understood, and that was why she wasn't worried at all that these two wouldn't make it. They would sail this storm, Maggie was convinced. Their love was strong enough.
"This is from Bloomingdales? Haven't you checked out any of the fancy baby boutiques?" Mulder interrupted Maggie's contemplations, who chuckled. Scully put her hands up as if someone told her to freeze and implored, "don't ask!"
Fox looked at the garment in his hands. It was blue, had long sleeves and was printed all over with little phantasy planets and space crafts. There were solar systems and an accumulation of stars apparently representing the milky way. He smiled at the UFO on the front. For someone as accurate as Dana, who always insisted that science left no room for interpretation, it was remarkable that she had gotten such a variation of the scientific truth. Not to mention the fact that she had made more than clear she didn't want to have anything in the nursery that reminded her even remotely of their work: no drapes, no plush toys, no rugs, no bed sheets or blankets, and definitely no clothes that had anything to do with outer space or dark figures or even law enforcement. The Lone Gunmen had brought her a T-shirt with 'Baby Agent' on the front once when Maggie had been at Dana's apartment. They had seen it in a tourist gift shop next to the Hoover Building and had wrongly believed Dana would find it funny. She had thrown it wordlessly into the paper bag and had handed it back to them. 'I appreciate the idea, Frohike,' she had said, 'but I want the FBI out of my baby's life.'
The label at the onesie's neckline caught Fox's attention. Without looking up, he asked, "8 to 10 months? Isn't that a bit large for a newborn?"
"It definitely is, but that's the only size they had and the baby will grow into it," Dana explained, adapting the detached way he spoke of their unborn child.
"Does that mean you still want me to be around when the baby is eight months old?"
Maggie shivered because the question was by no means meant as a tease. She decided to leave them alone, to give them the privacy to talk about the obvious cracks in their relationship. But she stayed close, right there in the hallway. Not because her nosiness told her so but because she was worried what a passionate dispute might do to her heavily pregnant daughter.
"Yes, Mulder, I want you to be around eight months from now, and beyond that," Scully said in a voice full of warmth but also determination. Not visible from where Maggie was standing, she walked over to where Mulder had positioned himself next to the diaper changing unit he had assembled and took one of his hands in hers. "I want you to put this onesie on your child when he...or she...is old enough."
Mulder stroked his hair roughly with his free hand. "Scully..." he only said, probably at a loss for words.
"It's okay, Mulder. You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know that there isn't a 'me and you' but an 'us'. This is your child, Mulder, ours. We created this miracle you once told me to hope for, so whenever you're ready to be a part of this 'us', our baby and I will welcome you with open arms."
Maggie had to steady herself against the wall because her knees threatened to buckle hearing her daughter's emotional words. She peeked around the corner. She hoped to see them kiss or at least in an embrace but nothing of that sort was happening. They were gazing at each other, Dana held Fox's hand firmly in her grip not allowing him to withdraw from her. After a moment of inertia and wordlessness, he sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. "Scully, I-" he started but was sushed. Dana had her eyes closed, and Maggie saw how much she enjoyed the most intimate physical contact they had had for a long time. When they broke apart, Fox lifted her hand which still held on to his fiercely to his mouth and kissed it, holding her gaze.
Maggie was touched by the power of the moment. In her heart, an unshakable faith manifested itself that in eight months from now, when their son would be old enough to fit in the onesie Dana had bought for Fox today, they would look back on these difficult months as one more obstacle they had overcome together. Fox would throw his son up in the air, almost forgetting that he had ever doubted being able to be a father to this child. And when he would eventually put him to sleep in his crib, he and Dana would smile happily at a content baby boy smiling at his parents, dressed in an outer-space-themed onesie.
And all would be good.
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invidiosa · 6 years
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TV Meme
Tagged by @puddingbowl
Post 10 gifs from your favorite TV shows without revealing their titles, and tag 10 people.
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Probably won’t get to 10, but tagging @doctorhelena, @lone-gunwoman-of-the-week, @cinderella819, @lilydalexf, @xanjoux, @lucyemers, @iamjmgardner, @thatgirlnevershutsup...of course, only if you want to.
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invidiosa · 6 years
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Movie Meme
Post 10 gifs from your favorite movies without revealing their titles
I was tagged by @thatgirlnevershutsup elsewhere, but I’m filling it out here on my fandom blog because that’s how I compartmentalize.
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tagging @lone-gunwoman-of-the-week, @puddingbowl, @doctorhelena, @cinderella819 and anyone who wants to do it.
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invidiosa · 7 years
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I was tagged by @doctorhelena
Relationship status: Married
Lipstick or chapstick: Is lip balm the same as chapstick? Because lip balm.
Last song I listened to: California by Rufus Wainwright
Last movie I watched: Breakfast at Tiffany’s (I wanted to see what the big deal was. The over-the-top racist Yunioshi ruined any possible redeeming qualities for me. And I still don’t see Hannibal from The A Team as a leading man so I still don’t know what the big deal was. But I do like the song Breakfast at Tiffany’s so if anything good came out of it, there’s that.)
Top 3 shows: (all time favourites) X-Files, Veronica Mars (I changed my cable subscription just to watch it), Arrested Development
(current faves) The Good Place, Endeavour, Schitt’s Creek
Top 3 ships: Mulder/Scully (MSR for us old Philes), Veronica/Logan, and I don’t know. Those are the two ships I’ve written fics for. I love and have gone so far as to read Hardy/Miller, Sherlock/Molly, Morse/Joan, and Buffy/various fics. I like/liked: Raylan/Winona, Eleanor/Chidi, Mared/Tom, Sarah Manning/Paul Dierden, David/Patrick (Schitt’s Creek). But none that I’d call “Top” like I do with MSR and Veronica/Logan.
I tag: @lilydalexf, @cinderella819, @lone-gunwoman-of-the-week, @thatgirlnevershutsup, @xanjoux, @flashinthepanobsessions, @rozf
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invidiosa · 7 years
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Six movies I’ll always watch
  Tagged by @doctorhelena
Persuasion
Twelfth Night
Star Wars
Princess Bride
Fight the Future
Uncle Buck
tagging @cinderella819, @xanjoux, @thatgirlnevershutsup, @lilydalexf, @lucyemers
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invidiosa · 7 years
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MEME
A long long time ago, I was tagged by @itzmi​ Rule: Answer the questions, tag 8 people!
Last Movie You Watched: Little Evil. It was exactly what I expected it to be.
Last Song You Listened To: Showboat by Josh Ritter
If You Could Be Anywhere Right Now, Where Would You Be?: bed
Where Would You Time Travel To?:  Where? Not when? Is this a Doctor Who question? I don’t know. Moon landing? 1972 Summit Series?
Fictional Character You Would Hang Out With For A Day: Joan Watson. Mostly because she lives in NYC. And her roommate is easy on the eyes.
Tagging:  @cinderella819  @thatgirlnevershutsup @joyfulnerd @snarkastic83 @doctorhelena @lilydalexf​ @iamjmgardner @leucocrystal
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