#for having been a child with ptsd in the closet to my homophobic father who moved away

[gayofthefae]

I stand with Palestine but I also can't exactly afford to be picky with good representation. I'm sorry. Next question.

[deadlyanddelicate]

if it’s too broke, don’t fix it

so let’s be clear about one thing.

i will be writing fix-it content for the way supernatural ended, because guess what, honk honk!! i’m a clown 🤡 and as it turns out when you spend your formative coming-out-of-the-closet years invested in TV’s longest queerbait, it’s not so easy to just stop caring. go figure.

but i will not be writing fix-it for 15x20, for a simple reason: to me, it’s unfixable.

look. i am more or less convinced by this point - by looking at the internal narrative, the meta analyses, the reactions of the various cast and crew, and behind-the-scenes evidence compiled by fans far more dedicated and detail-oriented than i - that some executive fuckery happened to the ending. nothing else makes sense, nothing else explains an episode that surreally bad, nothing else explains why the run time was so much shorter than usual and why the pacing felt so clunky and stilted, if not last-minute cuts. so, sure. i’m on board. the network got cold feet and decided to axe whatever destiel content the writers may have worked in (probably too little and too late, but that’s by the by). i can even believe they had a hand in the disappearance of eileen - a long-standing love interest, a deaf character, and of course, most importantly, a woman, from the final two episodes, because everything has to be about the brodependency, of course, of course.

however, even if you take into account the possible/very likely “no homo” revisions, you’re still left... with the rest of the episode. you’re still left with dean winchester - a character overwhelmingly read as bisexual, an abuse survivor, the poster child for PTSD both mundane and supernatural (no pun intended)... dying young on a random hunt. and this wasn’t the result of last-minute executive meddling: this was the plan from the start of season 15, and it’s why jensen struggled so much last year with accepting the finale (rather than any ~homophobic feelings~ about 15x18, which he only got the script for a couple months in advance and was reportedly completely fine with). and sure, there’s a chance executives may have had a hand in that too, but at the moment we have no evidence to believe so.

dean started the series as a traumatized kid who’s been turned into a weapon by a physically and emotionally absent father, an unforgiving and unloving man who raised him to believe his only purpose in life was to look after his younger sibling, whether that meant saving him or killing him. dean was parentified from at least as young as the age of 8, left to do the physical and emotional labour his father should have been doing for both him and sam. dean spent much of the series borderline suicidal, believing he had no intrinsic worth beyond what he could sacrifice to keep others safe. dean spent much of the series believing he would always die young and bloody, that sam was the only one of the two of them who would get to live a full life. 

and the show decided to end by confirming all of that, by killing dean off as soon as he’d finally found freedom from destiny. and not even in a blaze of glory for some higher purpose, no-- he was killed off on a random case in what i’m sure some writer felt was a delightful example of ~tragic irony~. well, guess what? i’m not laughing. you lead viewers on an emotional journey for 15 years, they’re going to want catharsis at the end. this? this was the opposite of catharsis. i don’t know if there is an opposite of catharsis, but the internet suggests defilement (probably a good enough translation of the greek miasma) and that feels about right.

and that kind of defilement doesn’t serve the story, either-- because dean spent the later seasons coming to accept that maybe he could have a happy ending, that maybe he did deserve to retire, to enjoy his life, to finally rest - and he definitely didn’t mean rest in peace. the narrative led us on this journey of seeing an abused, PTSD-crippled character start to want more for himself - only to rip all that out from under him in the name of misguided ~high stakes drama. probably because happy endings for everyone are boring and cliché’d and having a ~shocking conclusion is better than having a good conclusion (s/o GOT finale). growth? healing? coming to see yourself in a better light and demanding more for yourself? unrealistic.

well, miss me with that shit. as a bisexual person who took a long time to come to terms with my identity, as an eldest daughter, as someone who deeply believes in the narrative idea of humanity trying and trying and trying until they finally reach happiness - fucking miss me with that gratuitous tragedy shit. i want soft epilogues. i want endings tied with a ribbon. i think we - especially the queer community, especially women, especially people who’ve struggled with low self worth and mental health - deserve it by now.

so, you see, it’s not so much that i can’t write a fix-it for 15x20. in fact, it would be simple enough to do - tragedy is easy to spin into emotional content. which i promise is not a dig at people writing or enjoying that kind of content, because i’ve read some myself, and it has been excellent; more power to you all. all i’m saying is it would be easy enough to write dean getting to heaven and seeing jimmy novak castiel in that roadhouse, whether or not kansas is playing. it would be easy enough to write dean driving to cas and them meeting under a starry sky, ‘the night we met’ playing in the background as it was originally meant to in 15x20, and to imagine them having a tearful, bittersweet, at least we finally have each other reunion. 

the truth is that i won’t. i refuse to. even if i believe that the writers would have given us a destiel endgame if not for executive interference - and that still remains to be definitively seen - it’s not the endgame i would have wanted. it’s not the endgame we deserve after 15 fucking years.

queer characters shouldn’t have to die for the right to be happy. we deserve a soft epilogue - and i’ll write my own, damn it.

[kaypeace21]

Will created the Mindflayer (Theory revisited)

After, watching all 3 seasons I believe the upside down/mindflayer is not only an allegory for Will and El’s (cannon) ptsd/ and trauma but also (because of their powers), has become a physical manifestation (with a life of it’s own). I previously talked about how El made the upside down/demorgorgans and how Will created the mindflayer and demodogs (before s3). However I wanted to add more details to this analysis and  focus on how the Mindflayer represented Will’s darker emotions and thoughts in s3 . So let’s get started.

The original title for Stranger things was “Montauk”- in reference to the Montauk Project. It was about experiments conducted on psychic children, where the scientists would “break” them psychologically to strengthen their powers and to program them.  In one of the stories there was a boy named Duncan who could “open portals to other dimensions and periods of time” . However, one day “Duncan let loose a monster from his subconscious.” 

This is where Stranger Things comes in... El, opened the portal and created the demorgorgans, which represented El’s fears. Joyce and Nancy called the demorgorgan  a “man without a face”, or as El called them repeatedly “the bad men.” The bad men kill (using guns),  while the demorgans are attracted to blood. However, the one time they went after someone who wasn’t bleeding- was when it chased after Will, another psychic child. Brenner even says about the demorgorgan “it’s calling to you for a reason”. And right before El goes to the sensory deprivation tank, Brenner gives her flowers (resembling the opened face of the demorgorgan which resembles a flower). In the Stranger things novel, Suspicious Minds, a psychic character named Alice, even says “ “Monsters...of course my brain has them.” As long as they stayed in there, everything would be all right. “Wouldn’t it?”

The upside down/ opening of the gate/demorgorgan is even described as something that  grows and spreads, “like a cancer”. And something that will eventually kill her, if not confronted (and analogy to suicidal thoughts?)

In s1 Dusting even asks, Eleven “Do you have cancer?” In a literal sense no, but the buzzcut ( which makes people assume she has cancer) represents the abuse she’s been through. And if she doesn’t confront her trauma it will slowly eat away at her until it kills her .  Or the physical manifestation of it will.

The name El is the name of a Canaanite God, which means “god of creation.” When El said in s1 “I’m the monster”, only for Mike to correct her and disagree. In a way they’re both right, it’s not her who is in control. But the monsters (who has a life of its own) represents her darker emotions and fears and is affected by her feelings- and this is why they were mirrored to each other visually.

So the fact that the Mindflayer shows up for the first time when Will is experiencing his “anniversary effect” relating to his ptsd, may not be a coincidence. Don’t you find it strange when Will’s dog died between s1-2, the demorgorgans become demo-dogs?  And once again,  the vines ( put inside Will in s1) and the shadow monster/Mindflayer - are also described as spreading, and we are told that it will kill Will. Will even says “ the more he spreads the more connected to him I feel.” And if I’m right about Will becoming number 12, it’s interesting to point out that 12 is a numeral symbol for “God of creation”, as well.

The other Drs/scientists are extremely callous and say they need to continue the burn (even if it kills Will). However, Dr Owens even says after this “You’re putting a bandaid on this.”  Meaning they aren’t addressing the real problem- Will & El’s trauma.

And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if I’m right- this also implies Will was m***sted as a kid (probably by Lonnie), who always called him homophobic slurs. The demorogorgan represented ‘Brenner/ the bad-men’ to El. And the Mindflayer initially represented Lonnie, to Will . Will is even the first to call the Mindflayer a “he”, instead of an it- even though in d&d cannon Mindflayers are “sexless hermaphodites”. 

Also,Will doesn’t initially call the Mindflayer a “he” but an “it”.And if you only take out certain pieces of dialogue between Joyce and Will, when they first talk  about the mind flayer, where they only refer to it as an ‘it’ … and if you put  [‘he/him’] pronouns there instead… then the rest of the discussion about the mind flayer literally sounds… questionable.

Will: “It all just went blank and then you were there”

Joyce: “Will I need you to tell me the truth.”

Will: “I am!”

Joyce: “But …  But I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on. So you have to talk to me. Please. No more secrets, okay? Okay.”

Will: “ [*It] came for me and … and  I tried… I tried to make [*it] go away … but [*it] got me mom”.        (*he, * him,* he)

Joyce: What does that mean?”

Will: “I felt [*it] everywhere. everywhere. I- I still feel [*it]. I just want this to be over!”         (*him, *him)

Joyce: “LOOK AT ME! I Will never let anything bad happen to you ever again!”

And I’m not sure how seriously I should take the cannon spotify playlists. But, the cannon spotify character playlists  (which netflix and spotify worked on and published together after s2) alluded to this on both Jonathan and Will’s playlists. And the only songs about their dads hint at this fact.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling lies.”

Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of liars and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Will’s playlist- Creature comfort: “Some boys hate themselves spend their lives resenting their fathers…Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch... look in the mirror and wait for the feedback”

And if the vines and the shadow monster represent his dad  the fact it enters violently through his mouth,  and the way he describes the Mf first possessing him further reinforces this analogy. Especially since Billy/MF lays on top of his victims, and  right before the monster puts a similar thing in their mouths says (To Heather) “Don’t be afraid. It’ll all be over soon. Just stay very still”, and (to El) “Don’t be afraid . It’ll all be over soon. Just try and stay... very still.” (May indicate Will might have have heard his dad say this  to him, and thats why the Mf says it to his victims.)

The entry of the vine, even causes him to spit out a slug, as he looks back in the mirror (like in the song lyric).

The experience of the vine/slug probably brought back traumatic memories, not to mention his time in the upside down invented new ones. The mindflayer first appears during Will’s ptsd “anniversary effect”. And in s2 when Joyce asked about the mindflayer drawing, Will  lies saying it’s for a story he’s writing . But maybe, unbeknownst to him... it wasn’t actually a lie ? The 1st time Will senses the Mf again in s3, is when he’s watching a movie about zombies (on a ‘date’ with Mike). And in s3, the monster the Mf creates is based “the thing” ( by  merging zombies bodies together)... and we see Will writing the d&d story right next to this ‘The Thing’ poster. The light at it’s head, indicating this whole story may be Will’s idea all along. 

So ‘the thing’, the zombies, defeating it with fire were all referenced to Will- and later showed to unfold in the Mf’s story. And even though d&d always foreshadows later events in the season,  I find it interesting that the one time in the series we see Will write the d&d story... is when it matches MF’s plans. The shadow monster stayed in the real world, after the gate closed (and didn’t do anything for 6 months)? And specifically choses to attack/possess a guy named William who also was abused by his dad and called homophobic slurs (internalized hate perhaps)? And don’t you find it strange that the shadow monster only decides to come out now, in the summer (despite it not liking hot temperatures) when Will is at his lowest point emotionally? Well, it’s because the MF is based on Will’s darker emotions and thoughts.

 S3 was the season that Will was feeling jealous over mileven, and probably coming more to terms with his sexuality -  and this is when the mindflayer/shadow monster decides to strike. Whenever the Mf is close and Will touches his neck relates to his romantic feelings for Mike. 1st time it’s on one of their ‘movie dates’, 2nd time when Mike and El walk off together down the hill, 3rd time right after he smashed castle byers after Mike says “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, 4th time when Mike asks him to go away so he can talk to El in the hospital waiting area, and 5th time when Mike says El loves El. 

And again it’s when Will smashes castle Byers that Will first says “He’s back”. Castle byers was built on a rainy night , the same day Will’s  dad left, when Will was 5 (the same age he met Mike). And lonnie called him a “queer” and a “f*g” and forced him to do “normal things” like baseball to have him “be more of a man”. And then on a rainy night, after Mike says “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”… what does Will destroy castle byers with? A bat. 

Will drew up castle byers before creating it in the real world.  And the fact Will has a baseball bat (despite not liking baseball) in Castle Byers, surrounded by things he loves: drawings, d&d, art supplies, a microscope, comics- just shows what an impact Lonnie’s problematic conditioning and abandonment had on him. He used a baseball bat to destroy something he loves -castle Byers, and symbolically he was trying to reject his feelings for Mike using Lonnie’s old tactics of fixing him. So regardless of what Lonnie did or didn’t do, the correlation between the MF and Lonnie is there. He smashes up castle Byers with a bat (thinking of Lonnie) and then he feels “more connected to him (the Mf)” again, and says ‘he (the Mf) is back’.

The reason we didn’t get Willel, was for a narrative reason. We are shown that Max and El don’t know each other. It’s implied that El almost never leaves the house and just spends her time kissing Mike. So Will never got to have the opportunity to get to know her either. And for Will his resentment of El isn’t simply based on the fact he loves Mike. He insults El calling her a “stupid-girl” just like how Robin said she hated Steve and his “stupid-hair” because the girl she liked , liked him- and of course a lot of that redirected hate isn’t mere jealousy, but projected internalized homophobia. I don’t think a straight person could ever really understand how much hate queer people initially have for themselves when initially figuring things out- so his redirected anger is more than simple jealousy, but just hate for himself. He even looks at a picture of Mike after this and says “so stupid”,  4 times , while at castle Byers.

But honestly, that’s nothing compared to the hate he has/ how he blames her for ruining his life! El might have saved him twice (and it might of been an accident/ dr Brenner who’s really to blame). But Will knows she opened the gate . So to him, he spent a week in a place with no sunlight, food, or breathable air , having to experience that vine, dying, getting ptsd, being ostracized by everyone at school and being called “zombie boy” and a “freak”- being possessed by the MF, getting burned alive, killing Bob (the closest thing to a real father figure) and all those men (making him a murderer), and strangling his mom.Because of her!

And then that’s when s3 starts to make a lot more sense. Will might not want anything bad to actually happen to El but he’s probably had these dark thoughts before.  Will even says about the MF.

He says the real Mf is still in the upside down, but ‘the part that was still in him... was still in their world.’ And it flashes to El’s face as he says it. Essentially the Mf is motivated by his fictionalized story, thoughts/memories of Lonnie, and any dark intrusive thought Will has ever had about El , much to Will’s horror. 

He said in s3 that “I’m not worried about me, mom. I’m worried about you.” So the fact that he strangled her and almost killed her in s2, probably haunts him to this day- and he might of thought, ‘wish I strangled her instead’. And who does Billy/Mf look at right before grabbing her throat, and who is the first reaction shot we see when he starts choking her - Will’s horrified expression!

Maybe the Mf thought El was the most important, and that Will was nothing ( despite all the foreshadowing indicating the Mf held special intentions for Will), because he feels like he’s nothing compared to El? Will even says in s2 it wanted to kill everyone, but him, but now it’s saying that to El only? Maybe because Will wanted her to experience having such an entity say it to her too, and experience the same fear and isolation it caused him? In s2, why did the Mf chase Will and possess him at the school, when El (at the same time) was at the school as well (if it was always after her)? It’s because the Mf’s motivations are linked to Will’s feelings/emotions.

He probably also thought, how would you like a slug crawling/invading your body, huh?And although it doesn’t go to her mouth (probably because he could never wish that on anyone- if it symbolizes what I think it does). She still has a similar experience. And everyone is worried/horrified but Will is the only one sobbing (probably because he thought of this happening to her before).

After this he doesn’t even help move the car, he just stays glued at El’s side as if trying to protect her. And interestingly, this is when El loses her powers. Will may have even thought. If she never had her powers, none of this would have ever happened! Or ‘you guys wouldn’t think she’s so great without her powers.” So did Will accidentally steal her powers?!!!! Maybe. Will has always been associated with bears (along with 3 other animal symbols that El also has).  We see a zoom in shot of Will’s bear drawing right before the demorgorgan takes him from the upside down version of castle byers in s1. Bears symbolically represent  “wisdom” like ‘Will the wise’ and were associated with the demorgorgan/upside down in s1 and 2 as well . Max and Nancy both compared demorrgorgans to bears- and Nancy and Jonathan used a bear-trap to capture the demorgorgan in s1. So when El tries to grab Will’s teddy bear (it was shown to be his in s1) with her powers. And Mike says “they’ll come back”. They might actually come back, because Will and EL’s relationship improves. Mike even tried to give El a golden bear as a gift (so maybe that signifies the giving back of her powers in s4 ?)

Will was always hinted to have powers from the very beginning, so it would be incredibly stupid to just drop this plot point, despite all the foreshadowing. In the 1st episode, Will wins Dustin’s xmen comic in a bet- and Dustin later asks the gang “Do you think Eleven was born with powers like the xmen?” And also before he was sent to the upside down his password for Castle Byers was ‘Rhadagast’ a wizard character from Lord of the Rings. And in the ST prequel novel “Suspicious Minds”  the adult psychics were referenced to both the xmen and lord of the Rings characters. And in the comic, he keeps on saying ‘what would Will- the Wise do’ (his d&d wizard character). Also Dustin straight up called El a “wizard” in the last ep of s1, at Will’s bedside. Not to mention Mike in s2 called Will a “cleric” - and clerics get their powers from a god (cough the mindflayer), and in d&d the wiser the cleric the more powerful they are. And Will’s nickname is ‘Will the wise’? The fact that Will in s1 drew his character with lightning and fire powers- and the fact he barbecued 2 phones in s1 (just like El did to the radio at the school). In s1 was said he could “shadow walk” a wizard d&d power.  The fact he could control lights and manipulate electronics to communicate to his mom from another dimension (and in s1 only El could do that). The fact he literally created a portal through the wall of his house (just like El did at the school in s2). And just the many other hints in s1! The fact that he drew himself in s2 with a crystal ball (which is associated with the powers of scrying and clairvoyance) before being possessed, but just so happen to have those abilities in s2. Dustin also said the only way to defeat the MF is an undead army and Will’s nickname is “zombie boy”. So frankly, his fight with the MF (who is still in the upside down) may not be over. And that new demorgagan in Russia might be a symbol of El’s grief over Hopper’s (perceived) death.

This would honestly, be the only explanation that would allow me to forgive the Duffers . Like you can steal this idea from me! Please! XD

[thegaybarofocs]

Ouch for any or all oc's uvu

I’ll happily do one for each! A little warning first…

TW: Suicide, Abuse, Death mention

Akim: Akim was horribly suicidal when he was 15. He was disgusted with and hated himself. He nearly took his own life by almost jumping off the balcony in his apartment. He was too scared, so he backed off. Plus, he didn’t want his mom to see his body if he did die. He debated ending his life in other ways but thankfully never did.

Orion: Him and his high school partner broke up after his partner discovered she was a trans woman and didn’t want to be in a relationship with a gay man. Orion flipped at her and openly insulted and misgendered her to her face. Now that he is more educated he feels guilty for the way he acted and wishes there was something he could do to make it right with her, but its been 5 years and doesn’t know how to even get in contact with her anymore. He did give an apology when his friend Mick told him he was being an ass back then, but he doesn’t feel like that was enough.

Alby: He was often neglected by his parents. However, when he was out in public with them if he embarrassed them in anyway his father would beat him when they got home. He was primarily raised by the housekeepers in his house. He was abused and neglected for 16 years and now suffers from PTSD and often has nightmares that wake him up and Orion will often stay up with him until he’s calm enough to fall back asleep.

Jackie: She feels guilty relying on Akim so heavily at times, but she knows that if was not for Akim’s help she would’ve had to move back in with her parents. She also knows her life would be much harder without him.

Jamie: They have extremely low self-esteem. They are coming to terms with their body but growing up they were very ashamed of how they look. They were also bullied in middle school and in the little bit of high school they attended for their appearance and interests.

Benny: Benny had pretty much no friends for a few years before he joined the bar. He figured out he was Bi when he was eighteen and he figured his friends at the time wouldn’t understand so he just silently stopped talking to them and isolated himself. He was extremely lonely for about 3 years. He just threw himself into his school work and gaming until his step-father told him he had to get a job.

Michiko: She hasn’t talked to her parents in years as when she was outed as trans to them they labeled her as a “shame to the family.” Her older sister who she admired was the one who outed her and although they’ve made amends she is still bitter about it.

Claude: He greatly admires his father although he barely knows him since he passed away when Claude was a child.

Wanda: She fears her father who is homophobic. Her brother came out as bi and their father now treats him like shit. So, she has to keep herself in the closet.

Nathaniel and Glenn: A lot of friends from when they were teens and young adults have passed away. They died for a variety of reasons drugs, aids, suicide. They remember all of them fondly but sometimes the memories really hurt.

Send an OUCH to get a sad headcanon about one or more of my muses!

[googledocsdontworkatwork]

Sid leaned against the wall outside of his classroom, greeting parents as they each come inside.

“Good evening everybody, glad y’all could make it tonight. Man, first period got a higher turn out then I anticipated. Not much has change from last year... So, I’m going to go through some quick info first, My name is Obsidian Eastwood. The class your child has me is Introduction to Japanese. I also teach U.S. Modern War and U.S. World Involvement. Weird mix, I know but hey. Make sense for me. I am semi-retired Marine Sniper. Born and raised in Japan and deported when I was 13, used the military to obtain citizenship for my mother and I. I have my Bachelors and Master both from UofT which I completed primarily online while deployed and/or recovering.”

Sid clicked through the slideshow, and went on to the next tab which had the sylabus. “For this class, I assign multiple small assignments through out the week, and they’re all due that Friday. With it being a language course it is important that it get completed in a timely manner as so I can continue on the lesson. On Wednesday we have a quiz to figure out where the class stands so I can plan out the next lesson. Due to this being the only Japanese II class, it makes it really at their speed and interests. At this point, they are all actually conversational in Japanese and we are going to be doing the Japanese language test at the end of the next semester, and I am confident they well all test at N1 level, and by the end of the year I hope to having them testing at N2.” Sid said, clicking through. “Now does anybody else have any questions?”

“What are the benefits of the language test?” A parent asked.

“Japan is very picky about their language, so they made a test to make sure that you are fluent in it, and will give out certifications dictating your fluency. I say this lovingly mind you. If you kid wants to either being a translator, or wants to move to Japan or wants to work in the anime field, they actually have a fighting chance at that.” Sid answered, and then the 5 minute bell rang. “Alright, next up is Modern War, Mr. Jones your son is also in this class so you can just stay put.”

“Mr. Eastwood, my son really looks up to you. I just want to let you know that.” Mr. Jones said nervously.

Sid just looked at him and smiled. “That’s great to hear. He’s a pleasure to work with.”

“He came out to me last week. I think I did okay.” 

“You did great. He came back to me the next day beaming.” Sid answered with a huge grin. 

“Oh, that is so reassuring. I’m still talking to my ex-wife about it, she didn’t handle it too well.”

“He has you though. He is feeling betrayed but one half, but not abonanded. That’s the important part. Listen we can talk after this class, alright? Don’t want to be rude but I have to do my ramble. Also, you can have a chuckle at the different method of talking to different parent types.” 

Parents were coming through, sitting at random desks, this class was much smaller with only 2 other parents showing up.

“Alright, good evening everybody. My name is Sid Eastwood, and the class right now is U.S. Modern War. In this class we cover the different wars from the past 10 years of involvement. This class covers the who and the whats from each side of the war. For the class, I assign reading and research to be done during the week, and we have a quiz on Friday as a recap. We often have guest speakers speak to us about their experiences in the war. This class is very reflective, because we’re teaching history, but also current events at the same time. It’s a very unique and humbling class. Also, if your students ever report that I at times, lose my cool in this class, I ain’t gonna lie. It happens. I was a POW during the war against the Japanese, and as we know the Japanese are... a bit rough in the POW department. So, when we start getting close, I get a little antsy and the PTSD hits. But honestly, I’m pretty chill with grading. I’d rather the kids all focus their energy on the big classes, and then we can go from there. I’m always available for a quick chat after class or school to talk grades and ways they can improve their grades.” Sid said, walkig back and forth between the walls. “So, uhm. Yea. Any questions?”

“What division did you serve in?”

“175th Sniper Division, Marine Corp.” Sid answered, getting ready for the reaction.

“Oh. That POW.”

“Yup. That’s me.”

“Why are you teaching?”

“VA told me a civilian job will help get me grounded. The team here is great and helps me out when it’s needed. And well, I get to see combat occasionally with the whole being on a border line during a war thing, so that part is interesting when we get the occasional... visitor. Or vehicle through my goddamn window.” Sid said glancing over at the brand new wall.

“But yea. I do everything in my power to keep these guys safe. Myself and Rogers work great at a team and can generally keep all major attacks at bay before special forces can arrive.” Sid rambled on with a shrug. “Any other questions?” 

Nothing. “If y’all wanna bounce out early and get some coffee and snacks feel free to do so, we got like 5 minutes until next period.” Sid mumbled, and the two parents left.

“Okay, so about your ex-wife. You have primary custody, correct?” Sid asked, pulling his chair over and sitting in it backwards.

“Yes.”

“Okay. So, I’m gonna say it bluntly. Fuck what she thinks, she sees him every other weekend if I remember correctly. Also, Alex is 17. Legally, it’s up to him if he wants to do visitation at this point. He can put his money where his mouth is. It’s up to you to support him through this. Also, he still wants to join the Marines. I gotta say it. They still homophobic as hell. It’s not going to be easy. At least DADT is repelled, he got that at least. Hell, my wife and I got married because we were both gay, and that wasn’t enough for them. We finally decided that hell, let’s have a kid to shut them up. We both wanted kids down the line, why not try and do it the ol’ fashion way. I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”

“No, I appreciate it! I’m grateful for your perspective. I’d love to talk to you and your partner at some point and I don’t know. I just have been around any... gay people before and just, I want to be able to support Alex.”

“If you want to skip his next period class I have a break period.”

Mr. Jones glanced down at his scedule. “He has a study hall up next.”

Sid chucked his water bottle at the wall, and Mr. Jones looked at him confused. Jacob walke into the classroom annoyed. “What the hell do you want.” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Hi.” He said with a grin. “This is Alex’s dad!”

“Did he...?” Jacob asked quietly.

“Yea. We were just talking about things, and he mentioned wanting to meet my partner so I summoned you.” Sid answered obnoxiously.

“One, how much coffee have you dranken? Two, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ll just start this out by saying, that for the next 15 minutes you’re free to ask any questions, we won’t judge you at all. We’ll correct you if you say something incorrectly, but it’s out of a place of respect.”

“You two don’t seem like the average... gay couple.” Mr. Jones said nervously.

“You never know who is gay. Usually, you think of the loud and proud type, because they stand out the most. The flamboyant ones, the feminine ones and the leather dads are what you think of because they’re the ones who are the loudest. It almost dismisses the average gay at times.” Jacob answered.

“What were your experiences when you were in high school?”

“OH BOY.” Sid answered with a laugh. “High school is one of the many reasons I drink. Let’s see, I was the Japanese speaking, ESL kid during the start of the tension between the U.S. and Japanese with a single teenage mom. Who also crushed on boys. In Texas.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Yup. It wasn’t pretty. I dropped out at 16, got my GED, emancipated myself from my mom mutually and enlisted in the military at 17.” Sid answered. And then I got married at 19, after somebody called up anonymously and outed me.” 

“As for me, I just kept to myself. I think people knew before I knew. I never really had any issues growing up with it. But I also just stayed in the closet, considering I grew up in Little Italy in NYC. I’m amazed at how it is now. Being able to come out and be supported, hell being able to come out and not have to rely on little hints here and there.” Jacob answered with a shrug. “It’s a completely different ball game now.”

“Basically Alex is still Alex. Just be his father and you’ll be fine. When he brings home a boyfriend, support him too. The little gays need all the support they can get. And make sure you get the okay to talk about it to your family.” Sid answered.

Mr. Jones just nodded. “Thanks for this.”

“Not a problem.”

“How’d you two meet?”

“We met here. Walked in for day of work, saw home. Jaw dropped at how drop dead gorgeous he was, ruled him out of my league, apparently he saw the mental process because at that time I barely knew how to human being. Apparently Ms. Williams saw the entire process, she was my spotter in the 175th, and she told me I had a chance. From their it was a few months of friendship building and awkward flirting and all it took was me getting hit by a Humvee to confess his feelings for me.”

Jacob was beat red at that point. 

And then the bell rang. “Email me if you need anything, alright?” 

Nobody showed up to his Japanese I class for 4th period. “Have I mentioned how much I hate parent teacher night?” Sid asked, flopping on the couch. “Being the token gay teacher is exhausting. And why can’t I seem to pass the torch along to Mr. Flanagan? I don’t wanna.”

“Because you have a bad habit of giving a shit Sid.” Jacob said with a laugh. 

[threshie]

Top 5 favorite characters?

From anything ever? I’m not good at narrowing it down that precisely, but here are some of my absolute favorites. This is basically an essay…sorry, I really, really love these particular characters, and wanna share some reasons why.

1. Castiel from Supernatural (if the amount of him on my blog didn’t make that obvious…) Cas is that lovely type of character who contradicts himself; he’s ages-old, but still such a newbie about anything on a basic life level that he seems young. That cute head tilt and confused squint, though.He’s basically an eldritch murder machine who can (and has) leveled hundreds of enemies on battlefields, yet is also capable of being soft and gentle and is considered by the other angels to have “too much heart.” The sarcastic and deadpan sides of him are often hilarious. It’s interesting watching him learn to have his own free will, and how that basically makes him fall from Heaven. 

2. Tony Stark (aka Iron Man) from Marvel. I love seeing a hero who struggles with his own demons, but still manages to save others even though he doesn’t know how to save himself. Tony has PTSD, he covers up his damage with armor and snark, and most people think he’s a rich jerk who laughs off problems because of this. His Arc reactor and health issues are outside signs of just how important technology is to his survival (not to mention technically he’s disabled with the need for the Arc reactor to keep him alive), and he’s a genius who invented his armor and weapons, etc. Tony struggles with alcoholism, which is one of the more realistic demons to fight in a comic book. Add in his “complicated” relationship with Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, and you have have one of my favorite ships. Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Tony is my favorite incarnation of him.

3. Sarah Harding from The Lost World (book, NOT movie.) Book Sarah is a badass. She kicks one of the baddies out from under a Jeep and feeds him to a T-rex. They try to kill her by throwing her overboard, and she freaking swims ashore and survives just fine on a dinosaur-filled island. She’s buff and has short hair and has a motorcycle chase scene where she’s shooting at a velociraptor - movie Sarah is basically another character with the same name.)

4. Percival Endicott Whyborne from Widdershins (and the rest of the Whyborne & Griffin book series.) Has self-worth issues, closeted gay virgin in a steampunky Victorian world that is very homophobic, extremely smart, teaches himself how to use magic, and handles the death cult trying to summon a Cthulhu-like doomsday monster from another dimension surprisingly well. Also works in a museum, is a scholar who studies dead languages, and is tall and socially awkward. What a sweetheart.

5. Bruce Banner (aka the Incredible Hulk) from Marvel. Bruce is another example of a super smart, very tormented hero who remains a hero despite all of his own suffering. The world is not kind to Bruce. He spends half of his time hiding from the government and people hunting him, the other half trying to contain his emotions that will boil over into a literal monster if he doesn’t. He’s not your typical hero type - he’s skinny and unkempt, doesn’t dress fancy, isn’t a smooth talker, and sure as hell isn’t a people person. He’s depressed and guarded and has been suicidal. He was horribly abused as a child, and saw his alcoholic father murder his mother. In the comics he has DID that turns into literal different people - the green Hulk is just one of them. Despite all of this, Bruce dedicates what time he does have to either doctoring people (while hiding out in foreign countries) or to science. He’s one of the smartest people in the Marvel universe, and he could easily have become one of the most terrifying super villains they’ve ever seen. Instead, even though the world hasn’t done him many favors, he still chooses to be a hero and help people.