#for me i use a xenogender and neopronouns because it actually helped my dysphoria and made me finally

[satoumafuyuss]

saw something on youtube that bothered me a lot so excuse a bit of a rant

I really don't understand people who claim to be trans allys who turn around and call neopronouns "weird". They always say something like "I'll still use them if it's what the person wants but, its really weird." As if that's okay?? Without a SECOND of research into what neopronouns even are. "what's wrong with she, he or them?" idk man, maybe cause those don't always line up with a persons very personal experience with their gender identity and how they wish to be addressed?

You cannot claim to be a trans ally and then call ANY of us "weird" or "cringe". Conservatives want us ALL dead, not just me, a neopronoun user, ALL OF US. If you can't accept queer people BEING QUEER then you're not supporting us you are only tolerating us.

[ftmtftm]

I’m sorry but until xenogenders and neopronouns can understand that I don’t want to “share my pronouns”, that I want to go through life as a normal, binary man, that I want assumptions to be made, that t isn’t some fun thing but a medical necessity for the rest of my life, that being trans isn’t a celebration but a condition for me and that I never want to be in a pride parade or even really open about it, until y’all can respect that, every single one of you, at least the fucking majority of you, then i can’t take anything seriously. I have been outed, assaulted, misgendered, and a whole bunch of other shit by “Tucutes” who walked all fucking over me as a binary trans person, I’ve been forced to be okay with they/them pronouns and been forced to be called the t-slur by a fake trans person because it was “affirming” for them to use on “other trans people”, I’ve been forced to wait years for t because the lines weee clogged up because people wanted to microdose it because they didn’t actually want the effects but they wanted to feel special, I’ve been outed as trans by fake trans people who want everyone to know what a cool catch I am, I’ve been told how gross t made me, I’ve been pushed out of every space that makes an effort to include as many people as possible because they start using rhetoric that sounds like the same rhetoric my transphobic father uses.

I cannot ever find joy in being trans, there is nothing to find joy in for me. Ever. I’m sick of people acting like it’s fun and silly and goofy. I’m sick of people appropriating a medical condition. I will always be sick of it. I am truly sorry that you had someone assault you and that they happened to be part of a community that I am also, but all transmeds want is some fucking respect for not doing this for whatever “euphoria” or political reason but because we fucking have to. All we want is respect and to not have our medical condition turned into playing make believe that you’re a “catgender” or an alien or whatever the fuck, do that on your own terms I don’t care, but the association with dysphoria and the fact that you will spit in the fucking faces of dysphoric binary trans people? That’s why transmeds exist

.

Bullet points because genuinely, my patience is beginning to run very thin for you anon. My ask box and the new post button have two separate functions and I think there is one you should be using instead of the other.

This is just attention seeking behavior at this point, and I'll give it to you and I'll be compassionate but I won't let your shit slide.

I'm sorry, but this is genuinely like looking in a mirror at my 15-20 year old self and it sucks and I honestly feel very sorry for you. Your pain and upset is very real. Your feelings do matter. And? You need to talk to a mental health professional. Serious advice. You need a therapist or some kind of support group if you do not have one already. That is a lot of baggage that deserves to be explored with someone who can genuinely help you in a controlled environment - not the askbox of random trans people you take issue with because they remind you of traumatic events in your life. Your triggers and people who remind you of people who have hurt you are your responsibility to deal with. It's not the business of people who are literally just living their lives in ways that make them happy. The world doesn't need to change around you for your own comfort, you need to change yourself to make yourself comfortable.

It's honestly okay if being trans makes you upset. It's okay to lament and even grieve a life you wish you had but can't have because you are not cis. Again though, that is not an issue that people who aren't like you are causing though. It's genuinely your business to deal with those emotions - not theirs.

You are not a doctor. You are not a medical professional. You are not the one giving care and other people's medical needs, decisions, and histories are none of your g'ddamn business. It is absolutely ridiculous that wait times are what they are and that access to care is not what it should be - but that is a failure of the system not the people. You legitimately sound like working class folks who complain about people on food stamps "taking up all the government resources" and people who complain that "immigrants are taking all our jobs" right now. You are putting the burden of the system onto the individual when it legitimately isn't their fault. Ultimately you are actively being failed by the medical system you are attempting to covet, not by your fellow trans people.

I've also been told I'm disgusting for being on T. I've also been told I'm disgusting for wanting facial and body hair, for feeling comfortable in my masculinity, for loving being a man in all of its complexities. Even by other trans people. You are not alone in that experience. The solution to working through those emotions isn't to throw conservative complaining about food stamps and immigrants level tantrums about it like you are doing now though.

Being trans can be fun. Being trans can be silly and goofy. Again, it might not be that way for you and it sounds like you've been in an environment where you're not allowed to love yourself for any reason, let alone for being trans, so it's probably very hard for you to conceptualize experiences outside of your own - but you sound... very young. I promise it gets better with time and distance. Please leave the environments you are in when you are able, they don't sound healthy for you.

Point of order: My ex was not a transmedicalist, by any means. I was assaulted by them and felt disgusting and dysphoric because of it and found transmedicalism on my own afterwards to try to validate my sense of self. I was hurt by someone else and then turned my hurt into a weapon. It sounds like you've been hurt and are also turning that hurt into a weapon. I hope some day you're able to put it down.

[sirenium]

I hate that there are still transmeds. Their whole ideology does nothing but hurt, and any self validation people get from this shit is very shallow and at the expense of EVERY trans person (including themselves!). I hate that there are still people who stand by such a damaging ideology, and I hate that it isn't all just a bunch of cis people. Because at its root, it's just transphobia, and trans transmeds are just transphobic. They are standing by transphobic cis people. It is a group that allows transphobic cis people to join; it gives cis transphobes an excuse to hate trans people.

I was one of many people who were hurt by this ideology. Even as I started to really identify with xenogenders, I was so worried about not being good enough as a trans person that I formed a middle ground where 'I think dysphoria is needed, but I don't police people's identities. I also think euphoria is a bigger indicator'. That was a message I sent to a server in the past. Even when I identified as 'tucute leaning' I still held on to the idea that dysphoria is at least somewhat needed to be transgender, and that isn't even the worst affect this shit has had on me.

trigger warning; Kalvin Garrah, suicide mention, t slur:

Around the time when Kalvin Garrah was big, I was starting to question my gender. I found one of his videos, and that ended up pushing me towards not realizing I was trans sooner. Luckily, though, I ended up coming out as nonbinary faster than I could've... it's just that I saw it as an alternative to being 'actually trans'. I fell back on nonbinary as a label to avoid the simple fact that I needed medical intervention for my 'nonexistent' dysphoria. As it turns out... my dysphoria was so bad, that it helped fuel my suicide attempt at 17. Regardless...

I have lingering biases towards 'tranny voice'; when first starting testosterone, I was afraid of ending up like Buck Angel for example, with his voice that didn't fit my idea of what would be a satisfactory transition outcome. I was horrified, and sometimes I still fight those thoughts as someone whose voice would be classified as 'tranny voice' as it is. Even as somebody who didn't really fall down the transmed hole, I still have struggled with views that are transmed-y. I still have scars.

I am very much someone who would have been targeted by people like Kalvin online as well, despite also being someone they would consider to be 'actually trans' in real life; online, I am the 'weird' queer, the one who uses neopronouns and is alterhuman and xenogender, whereas offline I am super stealth and dread the idea of being clocked as trans, have medically transitioned, have a 'normal' name, etc. Of course, the fact that I paint my nails would cancel all that out for some transmeds, I'm sure. It's funny too, the reason I started being more masculine is because I wasn't taken seriously, and started feeling like it's my fault because I wasn't 'putting enough effort' into things... a very transmed view.

I internalized what people said about nonbinary people, and that's what led to me thinking it was an alternative to being 'actually trans' and transitioning medically, something I surely didn't need because I 'wasn't dysphoric' in the way Kalvin, the 'actual trans person' described it, and I certainly didn't want to take resources from the real trans people. I watched people make fun of individuals who I saw myself in, and avoided acknowledging that I was really trans because of it. That's how transmedicalism harmed me.

And you know what, you don't need to have been personally harmed to see how bad transmedicalism is; take a moment to listen to trans people who have been harmed, look at how transmeds talk about being trans as something that is pure suffering and a mental illness. Listen to former transmeds who talk about how horrible transmed spaces were, and how much better they're doing now that they're in more inclusive spaces.

[trannydykes]

New Pinned Post!

Hello! Not everyone checks abouts anymore so I decided to make a new pinned post, for ease.

About me:

My name isn't Aven, but if you need to call me something call me that

I'm a young adult, in my 20's (20-29 Range)

I'm a Butch Lesbian

I'm Genderqueer/Nonbinary and identify with an unspecified Xenogender

Note to the above, I am TME so I wont speak over trans women/transfems so please correct me if I say something incorrect or harmful and I will fix it

I use She/They pronouns on this blog

I'm Autistic and have Dissociative Amnesia

The purpose of this blog is for spreading awareness of issues within the queer community, and when not doing that, spreading positivity. (I also reblog posts relating to queerness in general, mostly about being a lesbian or butch)

I mostly cover Lesbian and Transgender topics, but do occasionally talk about ableism in the queer community when it comes up. Because I am white, I do not make posts about racism in the queer community (I will reblog them, I don't ignore them). Instead I try to keep myself educated and spread awareness on topics using this blog.

Now I can get a little discoursey, so below the cut is things that have been, and probably will be again, brought up. If you have a problem with this, I try not to debate as I'm not too articulate, so just block me if it bothers you.

Frequent Topics of Discourse Below::

Men can't be Lesbians, doesn't matter if they're trans men. This actually comes from Radical Feminist circles who believe sexuality is based on your genitals, instead of gender

Lesbians can't like men, it's an exclusive identity

On the above 2, just because your sexuality is fluid doesn't mean all sexualities are, do not project your experiences onto everyone else. It's not restricting, it's how I live

Bi-Lesbians cannot exist, lesbians are exclusive identities. And most Bi-Lesbians identify with the label to say "I like women and nonbinary people". Congrats you're a dyke, nonbinary isn't a 3rd gender

The Vincian/MLM/Blue Gay Flag is a cheap rip off of the Lesbian flag and has no substance to itself

Radical Feminism isn't radical, nor feminism (we've heard this one b4)

Androphobia/Misandry, and by extent Transandrophobia/Transmisandry, cannot exist

Arohet/Acehet Cis people are inherently queer

Pronouns =/= Gender

To the above: Presentation =/= Gender. Butches/Studs are not trying to look like men

Not every trans person has Gender Dysphoria, but every trans person has Gender Euphoria. Being a Transmed is bullshit and bootlicking behavior

I also try to spread positivity for Xenogenders and Neopronouns

And like I said, along with fighting for my ideals and beliefs, I spread positivity. I'll spread posts with cute girls in them because it makes me proud to be a lesbian. Or art of trans people being happy. And I also reblog every queer donation post I see onto this blog, because in the end we help each other out.

And to wrap this up, I am a human, I make errors, and I learn from those errors. If you disagree with me, and want me to change my view, don't tell me to kill myself or send me hate, that doesn't do your cause justice. I may not be down to debate, but I'm always down to hear people out. I don't always agree in the end, and if I do I don't always agree 100%. But I try to hear everyone out, especially because I am someone who is easily confused. If you wish to send hate, send hate, be yourself idc. But you can win ppl over by being nice more often than being a bag of dicks. <3

[apollo-vents]

hello I’m apollo.

this is my vent account.

I’m mlm trans masc and my pronouns are he/bro and yes I use neopronouns don’t bring that fucking hell spawn discourse to my page out will be blocked.

I have autism and ADHD I’m not really sure what I have happening with my shitty mental health but I do know I have gender dysphoria.

Apollo is not my actual name however this account may actually help me feel better with possibly choosing a new name because I don’t really like my current name.

please no flag/neopronouns/xenogender/whatever discourse on here this is a vent account, keep it like that.

[mechacringekitty]

i would like to not be misgendered but i am so nervous

somewhat of a calm vent/ramble under cut cause it got long and i dont want to subject people to my nonsense

it's not like im going to die if everyone irl constantly misgenders me i would just prefer not for them to do it. im so used to being called by she/her it only hits when i realise they're doing it otherwise my brain just kind of glosses over it.

i am disliking the use of my real actual name but i would rather die than tell my family I'd liked to be called by Doll. i also rather like Florence and Orchid but they're so feminine. not that i have a problem with that im just doing everything possible to avoid being seen as a cis girl.

Florence is really nice though and Flo is such a cute nickname..

id also like to ask my mother if i can get a binder because my chest dysphoria has gradually gotten worse but how the fuck...does one tell its mother it doesnt like having breasts that are very barely there. im thinking about waiting another year and seeing if she'll take me seriously since ill be older then. that would involve a lot of discomcort and waiting though.

i also feel like she wont take me using it/its or neopronouns seriously. shes mocked xenogenders before and laughed at one of my ocs using it/its. not even a real person a character and. yeah.

ive been feeling incredibly invalid in my gender identity and sexuality lately, like im making it all up for attention, which isnt helping. though i literally dont think its possible to make things up for attention unintentionally lmao.

i just dont feel i have any idea who i am.

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[space-1z-cool]

Rant/Vent

trans discourse, transphobia, bullying, sui tw

You wanna know what i've seen?

I've seen truscum telling non-passing trans people they're cis. I've seen truscum telling ppl to kts for existing as a genderfluid person.

I've seen truscum and transmeds harass nonbinary people and gnc trans people on the internet. I've legitimately seen them bully them on the internet. Because they don't think the person's gender exists. I've seen people speculate whether or not somebody has dysphoria over A SINGLE VIDEO OR PICTURE. and i'm not just talking 'die<3' I'm talking misgendering, harassment, [remember the person who literally almost kts because of harassment from kalvin garrah?? and then proceeded to get harassed MORE at the mental health facility they went to?] like this is extremely harmful. Especially to those who can't pass no matter how hard they try, and to those who may be questioning but are fearful that they'll get called a trender because they can't pass. Or for trans people who have given up on trying to pass and instead dress for joy. [not saying passing isn't joy for some people!!]

Yes, trans people should have easy access to medical care. But that includes ALL trans people who wish to medically transition**, which is something we still have to fight for, especially for BBIA/BIPOC people. [whether they use neopronouns, xenogenders, other microlabels, or they're a binary trans person who wishes to just exist as the gender they know themself as. ]**

But i have also seen people telling truscum and transmeds to "die <3'"

very far, but is also counter productive unless that person has made it very clear that they aren't open to discussion and or has openly harassed and bullied other trans kids/people, then i can see the reasoning behind it although i don't condone it.

I don't understand the exclus point of view at all. /srs it makes zero sense to me. Microlabels aren't harmful to the lgbtq+/queer community. They are to help people find themselves if they want to.

People forcing labels onto others isn't cool either. It's fine to be a binary trans person. it's fine to use non microlabels. But it's also fine to use microlabels, and be a non-binary trans person. I was a transmed when i first discovered the trans community when i was 12.

I have figured out that it was due to internalized transphobia and wanting to be a "good trans" because I really just wanted to be gendered correctly. Now I've realized that i'm genderfaun/gendersatyr, ace-spec, and cinthean/vincean and predominently t4t. And i've realized that I hated neopronouns and xenogenders so much because I knew that if I ever wanted to use them nobody would use them for me. But that is not my fault. And i've accepted that I like neos and xenos.

as a young trans person who couldn't pass due to family situations and i secretly did like skirts still- truscum ideology fucked me up and made me extremely suicidal. and made me hate myself and repress my identity. and i projected that hatred onto others who had the courage to be themselves. [luckily i was 12-13 during this phase so I couldn't harass anyone online for this]

Sure neopronouns don't make you trans, being GNC doesn't make you trans. Using a diff set of pronouns doesn't make you trans. BUT you can be trans and use neos, and be gnc, and use dif pronouns.

Pronouns are a form of gender expression, and therefore do not equal gender. I've never seen a tucute say that "oh ur a tomboy??? no ur actually [insert gender]" In fact i don't think i've ever even heard that from anyone. [for reference me and my entire friend group are tucutes. and we are all trans with some form of dysphoria]

And it really pisses me off, the terf-esque characatures that i've seen truscum use. The fact that they'll go out of their way to misgender people. And if i'm being completely honest

THERE ARE BIGGER PROBLEMS THAT TRANS PEOPLE FACE THAN WHETHER OR NOT SOMEBODY USES NEOPRONOUNS OR MICROLABELS OR IF SOMEONE IS NONBINARY AND ID'S AS GAY OR A LESBIAN.

sOME OF THESE THINGS INCLUDE [tw for m//rd//r, transphobia, hatecrimes, etc]

Transwomen, especially Black, Brown, Indiginous, asian, and other POC trans women getting murdered and hatecrimed and abused for simply existing, and they're the ones carrying the majority of the trans community in activism

Transphobia WITHIN the queer/LGBTQ+ community

Trans human rights

people gettign kicked out of their homes

ppl being outed

Trans rights WORLDWIDE

racism within the trans community

[evildnaa]

‪originally written to be posted to twitter:

the way that I feel so disconnected to the online bisexual community, or just other bi ppl my age. And maybe it’s just the general young queer community I feel disconnected from cause everytime I come on this damn app there’s more discourse, cause bi kids created a slur? instead of just thinking critically about how you use slurs, who your audience is and why you feel you need them to be funny? Or creating new labels for nonbinary people who’ve existed in sapphic and achillean spaces for ages with no issue? I get that nonbinary people would want an ungendered label to validate their identity so it def makes sense in that context if that makes them more comfortable, but nonbinary people aren’t a third gender so if they don’t feel invalidated by a “gendered” label why the fuck are people flipping shit? why are people flipping shit when an adult bisexual man reclaims the word faggot knowing his queer audience?

Maybe it’s just the lack of representation of accurate/ older bisexual representation that makes me feel like I’m in a community of teenage idiots. So often I’m just truly lost on what everyone is up in arms about and why it truly matters in terms of ensuring equity and safety for queer people. I think after being in this shit and seeing bs discourse like this for 5 yrs straight I’m really just over it yk?

My bisexual peers who hate pansexuals for simply existing are the same ones I see bashing nonbinary lesbians and forcing them into a new label thats “more validating” to identities, trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist just like pansexuality did. Will trixic and toric nonbinary people be bashed in 5-10 years for identifying as such because all of a sudden its been deemed invalidating? Can they not see history repeating with this? I see my transmale peers bashing anyone who dare identify close to trans who doesn’t experience dysphoria, claiming xenogenders and neopronouns “make the community look ridiculous”. Do other queer teens not understand cisgender and heterosexual people will always not understand? That that’s the whole point? That they don’t understand us because they aren’t queer? Why are you so eager to appeal to the same people that oppress us and don’t care about our rights in the same ways cause they don’t Need to? Instead of understanding this community is sometimes the only thing we have to support us?

I truly can’t wait till I’m older within this community cause I Know this bs isn’t thrown around in the same way y’all do on this dumb bird app. the way y’all continue to rehash old tumblr bullshit really ceases to amaze me. For the majority of this, who the hell is it hurting? most often I see this actually hurting the queer community more then the help it claims its doing. If you feel your identity is invalidated by the existence of another, there are some other things you need to evaluate as to why you feel invalid, like systematic transphobia and homophobia that you definately have interalized, instead of immediately going to pin it on your queer peers. I cannot wait till I’m older and have literally less time to be on here cause I truly cannot stand it. I need to find some semblance of community somewhere else cause I obviously am not finding it here with people who cannot see the bigger picture.

I hope that one day I feel connected to my own communities, and feel like I know what’s actually going on in them, but I also don’t feel like that’ll be any time soon and it makes me genuinely upset. Nothing on here feels like what the community genuinely cares about in real life and its really jarring and confusing to see almost every day. I am just so exhausted. 

[sasstablook]

voidpunk feels, let’s go

quote, OG voidpunk @arotaro​: “I don’t have a voidsona because I don’t have much of a sense of self”

what is voidpunk? 1 2

a history of voidpunk

alright, the rest of it is under the cut!

cw: discussion of “scary” mental disorders, self harm mention, dysphoria talk, anorexia mention, violence mention, some mentions of sex, abuse discussion

so to start out with, these are my Official Diagnoses: C-PTSD, bipolar-1, and fibromyalgia. I am not against self-diagnosis, but I tend not to self-diagnose myself, for fear of using the wrong term and it coming back to bite me in the ass. that being said, I'm pretty certain (especially in regards to my bipolar disorder) that there's something else going on here that the professionals are missing. I'll only be discussing my symptoms from here on out, not my disorders as a whole.

my main symptoms I experience that make me "not human" are:

intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

paranoia and psychosis

body, social, and mind dysphoria

memory loss and executive dysfunction

disorganized speech and being nonverbal

hypo/hyperactivity

ambivalence and black+white thinking

I started with a very long list, and I tried to group related symptoms together. so...

I'm going to refrain from inputting sources and various denotative definitions, speaking only on my personal experiences.

1. intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

a lot of "normal" people get random unwanted thoughts. like that little voice that says "throw your phone in the river" when walking across a bridge. these aren't necessarily intrusive. the main thing that separates these two experiences is intensity. my personal pattern of intrusive thoughts includes a lot of violence. for fear of stigma, I won't go into further detail. but often times, these intrusive thoughts develop into impulses. these are things I do without thinking them through. I don't think about consequences, I just act. my brain tells me to... let's say, scream. like blood curdling, someone's getting murdered, scream. I just do it.

my brain tells me to hurt myself. I don't know why. I do it without further questioning or examination. not even to just get my brain to shut up, necessarily. there are some persistent intrusive thoughts that never get acted on. but some of them do lead to action, even if they're the least persistent of the bunch

2. paranoia and psychosis

these aren't necessarily linked in the way intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness are, being that one can exist without the other (impulsiveness is always caused by an intrusive thought). but they very often go hand in hand, with paranoid thinking leading to psychotic symptoms. example: I am paranoid that my roommates are talking about me in the other room; I then begin to hear voices-- which may or may not belong to my roommates-- whispering unintelligibly

3. body, social, and mind dysphoria

https://imgur.com/vp1EjlA

dysphoria is something a lot of trans folk can relate to. but my dysphoria isn't exclusively tied to my gender. my dysphoria is invariably linked to my dissociation and depersonalization experience. this ties into my inability to connect with human beings.

I experience body dysphoria in that I despise basic bodily functions and necessities to keep the body alive. this includes consuming food stuffs, which ties into my experiences with disordered eating (y'all remember when I was anorexic? yeah, the thoughts haven't went away, but I'm doing better with my actions now). also can humans just... not... with the bathroom thing. like is it absolutely necessary to piss and shit all the goddamn time.

I experience social dysphoria in the way I am perceived by others. this mostly ties into my gender. no matter what I do, I am always read as a girl. but even so, I struggle to be read as masculine in that I don't necessarily *want* to be read as masculine. because men are just flat out awful. and this isn't exclusive to cis men. I don't *want* to be associated with men. because if men are bad.... and I'm a man... then I must be bad, right?

which leads us to mind dysphoria and the same line of thinking in regards to my masculinity. I am at war with myself on exactly how I would like to be perceived by others. my feelings on The Way Men Are and my feelings on my own identity as a man do not coexist peacefully

4. memory loss and executive dysfunction

memory problems are a symptom of all three of my Official Diagnoses, so it's no surprise I struggle with short and long term memory. if the event occurred even last month, I probably won't remember it. I struggle to recall basic details about people I've known for years, including age and last names. so you can imagine what it's like when I meet someone new!

as far as executive dysfunction goes? I just... don't remember. I don't remember how to do the most basic things. I've had to have loved ones walk me through the steps of preparing a bowl of cereal before. no, I'm not joking

5. disorganized speech and being nonverbal

I love language. I'm a poet. language is my thing. I got a perfect 36 on the English portion of my ACT, dammit

but as time goes on, I'm losing my command of the English language. I use the wrong word in the middle of sentences. sometimes the word isn't even related to the word I meant to use, though I can't think of any specific examples right now. sometimes it's just straight up word salads, which make sense to me, but not to those around me.

sometimes my brain's language center just... gives up. during those times, I may utter one or two word sentences. I might just make noises. I might use gestures or ASL. I might text full sentences or just a couple words at a time. or I could just become completely and utterly silent, not even attempting to communicate. I don't understand this

6. hypo/hyperactivity

note: I chose the suffix "-activity" rather than "-sexuality" because this isn't just limited to my problems in bed, though that's a large part of it.

this is something that I've only become aware of after others have pointed it out to me. there are days where I move too slow for their comfort. and it isn't always related to my pain either. I can be having a good physical day and still move like a sloth. on the other hand, there are days when I'm bouncing off the walls

I also fluctuate between hypo/hypersexual. there are days when I am sex repulsed. there are days when all I want to do is fuck

7. ambivalence and black+white thinking

I live in such a state of contradiction. I don't know how to feel about people, concepts, what have you. in order to cope with this, my brain often sorts others into 2 categories: perfect and evil.

sometimes, someone who was perfect yesterday can be put in the evil category the next day (I'm currently experiencing this with a lover of mine). I don't see gray areas. I'm incapable of processing gray. which is odd, considering I'm on the gray-ace spectrum

all of these combined tend to cause certain thoughts, feelings, and actions in other people.

"that's not normal"

"that's weird"

"you're crazy"

"you're broken"

"what's wrong with you?"

"we're putting you here for your own safety"

"this will fix you"

sure, help me out a little. give me some medication, some therapy. but... "fix" me? what about me needs to be "fixed"? why do I need to be "fixed"? namely, why won't you listen when I tell you what I need in order to cope with my brain's battle against me? I don't need crisis intervention. I don't need an institution. I just need medication for my chemical imbalances and therapy to learn how to live with my brain. when you talk about "fixing" me... it's like the only reason you care is because I'm not a "productive" member of society. it's like you want to "fix" me for your benefit. does that make sense to anyone else but me? this comes back around to the disorganized speech and communication, I'm really not sure I'm getting across my thoughts effectively here.

people hurt me... I feel like they do this because they think I'm a villain. I feel like they hurt me to protect themselves. even if I go out of my way to shield them from the way I am inside, it might not be enough to help them feel safe around me

I'm scary.

for so long, I've been in love with aliens, and cryptids, and monsters, among other inhuman creatures. I relate to them. I feel so disconnected with my humanity, that these beings bring me comfort

and now, I'm not the only one

voidpunk

bonus: actual notes from my notepad that I took in an attempt to gather my thoughts

my voidpunk: aliens, cryptids, slasher horror, cyborgs/androids, uncanny valley, Homestuck, primal, cannibal, afterlife, demons, liminal spaces, occult, FNAF, psychedelics, Undertale, dandelions, hoarding, Twilight vampires, parasites, X-Men, we're all made of star stuff, death and decay, bugs and creepy crawlies, succubus/incubus, god complex, yandere simulator, fae, transparent, Nathan W. Pyle comics, the world is quiet here, Lemony Snicket, escapism, fernweh, unconventional beauty

things that make me voidpunk: sleep paralysis, hurting others, an urge to kill, impulsive violence, using sex to get what I want, hyper/hyposexuality, xenogenders, microlabels, neopronouns, dissociation, an inability to connect and relate to other humans, lack of "common sense", "men are trash", inability to distinguish between My Reality and Real Reality, I Don't Remember Anything, psychosis, can't pick up on subtlety, unsure how to socialize properly, I'm Scary, ambivalence, inability to make concrete decisions, self medicating, Out Of Control, how do I move properly, broken executive functioning, disorganized speech, paranoia, I despise basic bodily functions like eating and bathroom, what do you mean you can't read my mind, google: how to communicate effectively, black and white thinking