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xiyao-feels · 4 years

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So, this started off as a shipping bingo for MDZS nie//lan; I've added the bingo meme above so that you know what you're getting into. What it evolved into, however, is several thousand words of close reading of the NMJ+LXC relationship, getting some into the 3//zun dynamics and comparing it with LXC and JGY's relationship to help demonstrate my point. If that sounds interesting to you, read away! Fair warning: as you might gather from the bingo above I am not very gentle, not only on the idea of a romantic relationship but also on their friendship.

Originally, I imagined I'd be saying something like, while of course they were very good friends and LXC grieves for NMJ, there's no evidence of romantic interest. But I wanted to look over the scenes first, to get a handle on them properly and to pick out some quotes; and what I found, when I looked at it closely, startled me—I couldn't believe how little there actually was.

My methodology for this review, by the way: I searched the entire text for every variation on their name I could think of, and then read over the chapter for chapters they were both mentioned in. I also reviewed chapters where only one of them is mentioned (that's how I caught the reference in ch 16, where NMJ is only referred to as NHS' brother). I might have missed something, or I might have read it and not registered it, etc etc. I definitely don't have JGY's memory XP But I've done my best to be thorough.

Also, a heads up: while I've done a little bit of addressing NMJ's emotions, this is mostly focused on what LXC feels, because otherwise this would be even more ridiculously long and because that's where my interest lies.

I'll state my conclusions up front, in case you just want to know what I think and not have to wade through [mumble] thousand words to get there. But it's far enough off from even the standard non-shippy take on their relationship that I really did think it was worth walking through the evidence.

It seems to me that while NMJ and LXC were to some extent close before the war, they grew apart during the war and very much so afterwards. There are a few moments that suggest NMJ might feel unusually tender towards LXC, there is nothing similar on LXC's part, and frankly their post-Sunshot interactions that we see suggest that—while LXC certainly cares about him—he does not at all feel close to him.

Moreover, his personal grief for NMJ's death, and whatever personal betrayal he may feel about JGY killing his, LXC's, friend, are not the drivers of his emotional difficulties with respect to JGY.

Okay, now the evidence. This has been divided up into two parts, NMJ alive and NMJ dead.

Pt I: NMJ alive

LXC and NMJ were friends before Sunshot; while we don't have a lot of evidence to guess how close they were, we can certainly see signs of long familiarity with each other in their later interactions, and it's worth noting that we don't see either of them having other friends beyond, in LXC's case, JGY.*

*NMJ got along with his subordinate MY very well, but except for one incident it was purely in the context of a superior/subordinate relationship, and he does not seem to have been interested in MY as a person, so I'm not classing them as friends.

Nevertheless, during Sunshot, we can see LXC begin to grow apart from him, and in their post-Sunshot interactions they start not very close and end up quite distant. By the time if NMJ's death, it's clear that while LXC cares about him, he is not emotionally close to him at all.

A brief discussion of NMJ's feelings, before I spend most of the rest of the post focusing on LXC's. As I mentioned above, LXC seems to be NMJ's only friend, and he does react to him in ways he doesn't really seem to anyone else. In the teacups scene, for example, we're told that "while Nie MingJue had never been one for humor," nevertheless "in front of Lan XiChen, his expression eased." Later, towards the end of the stairs incident, LXC is able to dissuade him from immediately pursuing JGY's death, which I believe is as much as we see anyone ever do with NMJ's anger. Finally, in ch 46, when LXC and LWJ are playing music to deal with NMJ's headless corpse, WWX thinks that NMJ might particularly be responding to LXC playing Liebing: "Wei WuXian didn’t know if it was only his imagination, but as soon as the soft, serene tone of the xiao appeared, the corpse’s movement paused. For a moment, he seemed to have stood still and listened, then turned around, as though he wanted to see who was the one playing the music."

If you wanted to say that NMJ has romantic or quasi-romantic feelings about LXC, then I don't think that would be an unreasonable extrapolation from the text, although I also don't think it's a necessary one; friendship and minor romantic feelings are I think pretty much equally fair readings.

Even so, LXC is not his priority; rather, he prioritizes NHS and (probably not unrelatedly) JGY's moral rectitude. In Ch 48, the friendly 3zun conversation only happens because NMJ was seeking LXC out to bring him NHS' saber, which he'd left behind, and when he qi deviates it's NHS and not LXC who manages to bring him some calm just before he dies, and whose features he can recognize (ch 50). At the Phoenix Mountain Hunt (ch 69-70), we see no sign that either he or LXC sought each other out, and on those occasions we do see NMJ initiate discussion with LXC it's usually about JGY's moral rectitude (ch 73, his sarcastic remark about JGY's hard work after the conference about WWX; ch 49, his interjection during the guqin scene; ch 49, the beginning of the stairs incident).

And what about what LXC feels? Let's take a close look at the progression of their relationship.

In chapter 16, when NHS is studying at Cloud Recesses, we see LXC run into him and convey NMJ's query into his studies, having apparently recently returned from Qinghe. While he doesn't say what he was doing there, it seems reasonable to infer that he was either visiting NMJ or at least visited him while he was there. (ETA: NHS also hopes that LXC will put in some good words for him to NMJ, which also suggests that he expects they'll be in contact.) This establishes a baseline of closeness from before the war, however much they drift apart during and after. However, we never see any of their interactions before the war, or anything else about their relationship; this is all we get.

The high point of the NMJ and LXC interactions that we see on page happen during Sunshot, where we see them have three conversations (all in ch 48). High point, however, is a relative phrase. In order, there's the teacups scene; there's their conversation (including MY) after NMJ agrees to release MY from his service, with a recommendation letter no less; and there's their conversation where NMJ recounts what happened with MY in Langya.

Let's start with the teacups scene. NMJ and LXC do talk, but it's part of a group conversation with other cultivators—at least three and as many as six of whom we see interject,* one of whom is another sect leader—and it seems mostly about practical or immediate matters. The exchange on the page isn't long and "Soon afterward, Lan XiChen and the rest stood up" and are led to their resting areas by MY. Moreover, interestingly, it's NMJ who asks all the questions; LXC answers him, but doesn't ask him questions in turn, or comment on his situation.

*there are two separate occasions where there cultivators per chime in

(Note also that the focus of the conversation suggests that NMJ and LXC aren't communicating extensively through letters or anything, as does LXC not knowing MY is NMJ's deputy. I don't think this is hugely significant, given that there's a war on and presumably they don't want information leaking everywhere and LXC doesn't seem to have a fixed address, but it does seem worth noting—as does the implication, perhaps more significant, that LXC only stops at Hejian when he's escorting other cultivators: "Everytime Lan XiChen passed Hejian as he was escorting other cultivators, he would rest shortly[.]")

NMJ and LXC's conversation in the teacups scene stands in really stark contrast to the conversation between LXC and MY that NMJ is about to overhear. That conversation is very much private; it's in LXC's private resting area, and MY is sitting in the presence of Zewu-Jun. The conversation is sort of about the war, but really only as it relates to MY's dream of "earn[ing] a proper place in the LanlingJin Sect" and "receiv[ing] the approval of [his] father." The very first thing we hear LXC say is a comment on MY's situation ("What a coincidence. You joined MingJue-xiong’s force and became his deputy")! He is of course going to go on to raise the possibility of MY going to Langya (to serve his father), and independently volunteer to talk to NMJ if NMJ isn't willing to let MY go. And even after NMJ joins them, some things are kept private between LXC and MY; when he asks them how they know each other, LXC refuses to answer, and then when he asks MY to answer as LXC will not, MY also refuses him, since LXC doesn't want it spoken.

The two conversations are simply very different, in a way that suggests a strong contrast between LXC's feelings for and interest in NMJ and LXC's feelings for and interest in MY. It's also worth noting, as I mentioned above, that it seems that NMJ sought LXC out because he was bringing LXC NHS' sabre, so LXC can bring it on to NHS.

Now, let's look at the conversation the three of them have after NMJ volunteers to give MY a letter of recommendation and send him to serve his father in Langya. This conversation is, I think, the high point of the interactions they have that we actually see. LXC expresses a positive evaluation of NMJ: "Look, I told you that MingJue-xiong would respect your decision." He smiles at NHS' sabre, and responds directly to NMJ. And then of course there's this famous paragraph:

The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so.

That said...well. Again, there's nothing about anything here that suggests romance, and if you look at the reasons I give for it being the high point, that's not actually very high. As to the paragraph—again, I do think they're friends! But I think it's also noteworthy that the easiest conversation we see/hear about them having is one that is early in the war,* and where MY is also present, and one where NMJ has just done something good for MY.

*MY is noted as having joined the Nie forces "right after" Sunshot begins, and to have been promoted to NMJ's deputy after not many interactions; LXC also seems surprised at least by MY being NMJ's deputy, which suggests that he hasn't stopped there before while this was the case, and he comes by in the paragraph immediately after MY is promoted. Finally, after MY vanishes after his confrontation with NMJ in Langya, we're told that "during the next few years" no traces could be found of him. All taken together, this suggests to me that MY was NMJ's deputy for 1-2 months early in the war, and the conversation of course takes place at the very end of that period

(As ever, I recommend confusion-and-more's close reading of the second scene, here.)

The next interaction that's mentioned in the text is after MY tricks and immobilizes NMJ and flees, when NMJ describes what happened with him to LXC. I think it's worth noting exactly how the exchange is introduced:

Even when Lan XiChen had the time to assist Langya, a few days later, his anger hadn’t died down one bit. As soon as he came, Lan XiChen laughed, “MingJue-xiong, what a temper you seem to be in. Where is Meng Yao? Why does he not come and douse your flames?”

"As soon as he came," note! It seems to be literally the first thing LXC says. And while it is a comment on NMJ's state, its primary function seems to be as a lead-in to asking about the state/whereabouts of MY. Their exchange as the text shows us is /entirely/ about MY, and he's clearly the focus of LXC's interest. We also have this from LXC, which I think is interesting as it shows the contrast between his morality and NMJ's:

"Judging from his words, the person whom he killed had definitely done wrong. However, he should not have taken his life either. We are in harsh times, so it is quite difficult to determine who was at fault."

Their next interaction is in chapter 49, LXC defending MY from NMJ post Sun Palace—and I don't just mean verbally, he's defending against Baxia with an unsheathed Shuoyue through this whole conversation. At this point, he still has some faith in NMJ's ability to act rationally towards MY, as he asks MY if MY hadn't told NMJ about his being the spy, and NMJ displays familiarity with LXC, knowing that he rarely interrupted people. I'll note that unlike in CQL, LXC does not seem particularly angry at this point—MDZS LXC is almost never angry, including at multiple points where CQL LXC /is/—but overall it's hardly an example of particular closeness, and we see that LXC's morality continues to differ from NMJ's: "MingJue-xiong," he says of MY, "he was undercover in Qishan, and sometimes there would be some things that… could not have been helped."

Later in the chapter, just before the Flower Banquet, it's mentioned (possibly as inference from WWX) that LXC brought up the sworn brotherhood to NMJ, "having always hoped that the two [NMJ and JGY] would reconcile." Obviously we can infer things about their closeness from the fact that LXC does in fact swear brotherhood with NMJ, but we have no direct textual statement as to why he wanted to swear /himself/ to NMJ, be that personal or political or both.

Next comes the Flower Banquet. NMJ seeks JGY out, first, for his usual concerns with JGY's moral rectitude. Shortly after, LWJ and LXC come over; shortly after that, JC and WWX come over, though they soon move on. There are two things I want to note here. First, it's the only time we see LXC seek NMJ out (and one of only two times we see one of them seek the other out—the other will be in ch 73, after the conference about WWX, when NMJ comes over to him and JGY talking). Second, this is the only time we see LXC respond to NMJ verbally post-Sunshot in a way that isn't about defending someone, either JGY (the usual case) or WQ (at the conference in ch 73)—although it is to some degree a defense of WWX, and it's not quite directly in reply to NMJ, as NMJ and LWJ have a brief exchange on the subject first. These positive signs will not occur again, and I think it's significant that this is the earliest post-Sunshot scene we see.

The next scene for this analysis (chronologically speaking; it's in an entirely different chapter) is the Phoenix Mountain Hunt. Although we see NMJ and LXC arrive to the hunt in ch 69, NMJ arrives after the Twin Jades have started slowly riding into the distance and we don't actually see them interact at all; nor do we see them together in ch 70, the rest of the hunt. Moreover, there doesn't really seem to be any suggestion that they /did/ interact. When JGY says he's not sure if he'll be able to expand the hunting ground in two hours, LXC asks him why, instead of saying something like "oh right da-ge was doing all that hunting too." Moreover, when JGY answers him ("not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well"), LXC's response doesn't indicate that he saw NMJ earlier, or knew what he was doing, though it does suggest a general familiarity with Nie Mingjue's character: 'Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”'

Now, this hardly rules out the idea that they had any interaction, but I think it at least suggests they didn't have any significant interaction, or any interaction after the hunt began. This is in contrast (again!) to his relationship with JGY—he was with him earlier for who knows how long, as they arrive on the scene together, and after this is going to go help expand the hunting grounds. They do have LWJ with them for this last, but he's helping them at LXC's request, and the framing of that request is very—well: "WangJi, should we leave, or would you like to help as well?" So LWJ can come help them, but if he doesn't want to, LXC is simply going to go off with JGY again.

If the Flower Banquet was the high point of their actual interactions on the page, post-Sunshot, then this is I think the most purely emotionally positive we see LXC feel about NMJ post-Sunshot. Significantly, it's based on an apparently older familiarity, and it's when they don't seem to have interacted recently and NMJ isn't even on the page.

The next scene they're in together, again chronologically, is in chapter 73. They're seated together in the first row, but that's explicitly because of their status, and they're grouped with LWJ and JC: "In the front row sat sect leaders and famed cultivators like Nie MingJue, Jiang Cheng, Lan XiChen, and Lan WangJi." During the conference, they have a brief conflict about WQ's culpability, which LXC leaves off explicitly because he's familiar with NMJ's hatred for the Wen. After the conference, we're told "the Venerated Trio gathered," but what this looks like in practice is LXC and JGY talking together and then NMJ coming over. LXC observed that JGY has worked hard, JGY is amused by the destruction JC wrought on his table, and then NMJ interrupts with a negative comment about JGY*: "All clever talk—hard work indeed." LXC smiles but doesn't reply. JGY tries to change the subject by asking LXC where LWJ is, and LXC gestures to the front, where LWJ and Mianmian are finishing up their conversation. NMJ compliments Mianmian, and JGY agrees. That's the end of the scene. I noted for the Flower Banquet that that scene unusually involves LXC replying verbally to NMJ in a way that isn't /just/ about defending someone; here, LXC does not speak a single word after NMJ joins them.

*In the interests of not being unfair I will note that NMJ did observe JGY lie; this doesn't really matter to the NMJ-LXC stuff except that it's a lie that LXC would also have noticed, as it involved contradicting LWJ.

NMJ and LXC are once again in the same scene in ch 78, for the swearing ceremony, and even speak one after the other. However, they don't seem to interact in any way, and their speech seems to be an important sect leader thing; we're told of their responses to JGS' toast, and then JC is explicitly contrasted in not speaking:

Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”

Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”

Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.

Now we're back in the Empathy chapters, after a not insignificant gap: the next scene is the guqin scene, in chapter 49. Although LXC is playing guqin in the Unclean Realm, and is going to offer to teach JGY the Song of Clarity which he can use on NMJ, LXC and NMJ barely interact at all—they only have one very brief exchange, where NMJ objects to LXC teaching JGY the SoC (because it's leaking Lan techniques), LXC defends his decision, and NMJ realizes he's not going to change his mind so he doesn't say anything. Again, in contrast, LXC is very focused on JGY, asking him questions about his background, complimenting his playing, and independently offering to help him improve his guqin and even teach him an "exclusive teaching" of the Lan! The contrast is very noticeable.

A little after this, it's revealed that LXC left a guqin at the UR, apparently for JGY to use to play the SoC to NMJ. This is ostensibly because he is busy with the rebuilding of CR, although WWX speculates that this is just an excuse and that he "simply wanted to give Nie MingJue and Jin GuangYao a chance to ease their tension."

In chapter 30, it's revealed that at a Discussion Conference in the past, NMJ (who we are told otherwise would not have shown up, note, although it would have been an opportunity to see LXC) confronts the Jin about their refusal to sentence XY to death. He draws his sabre with the intent of killing XY, and gives JGY "a harsh scolding," causing JGY to "hid[e] behind Lan XiChen, not daring to say anything else." It seems likely that LXC defends JGY and/or helps to calm NMJ down, although nevertheless the Jin Sect has to (temporarily) give in on the matter of XY's death sentence; nothing about any further interaction they may have is noted.

Their next interaction is at the stairs incident, back in chapter 49. NMJ charges in on LXC and JGY, who are discussing the watchtower plans together, and tells LXC to stay there and JGY to come out with him. LXC's "face disclose[s] his worry," but JGY stops him and follows NMJ out. Some time later, LXC shows up at the conflict, coming to see what's happening, "concerned after having waited for long." He manages to calm NMJ down and prevent him from further trying to kill JGY, by talking about the work JGY has put in with the Song of Clarity, pointing out that he really is in a terrible situation, and urging NMJ to give him more time. Nothing he says particularly suggests that he feels close to NMJ; if anything, he seems kind of in denial about just how much NMJ is set against JGY.

Finally, there is their last interaction, just before NMJ's death. LXC is defending—well, not so much NMJ as the idea that NMJ hasn't rejected JGY completely, to JGY. His arguments are as follows: NMJ chose to become sworn brothers with JGY, which means he approves of JGY; when NMJ included in the oath stuff about "face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb," and so forth, he /also/ included "if one were to think otherwise," and since JGY doesn't think otherwise, he doesn't need to worry about it too much; that NMJ has always cherished JGY's talent and hoped he would choose the right path; and finally, that he's really really troubled by the saber spirit, that "[h]is anger was simply too great for him to have thought before speaking," and that JGY must not provoke him again (presumably by talking back, as he did at the stairs). As shining defenses of character go, this... isn't one. Again, he seems like he's kind of in denial about how much NMJ is set against JGY—notably, he didn't see all of the stairs incident, certainly not the part before JGY talked back—but it also doesn't exactly contain a strong positive assessment of NMJ. Forget his defense of JGY to Wangxian: this doesn't even compare to his confidence in NMJ in the conversation NMJ overhears and then joins at the Hejian front.

I realize all this is a lot, so to sum up their post-Sunshot interactions: we only see LXC seek out NMJ once, early post-Sunshot, and that's at a party. The fondest LXC seems of NMJ is one line during the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, when NMJ isn't even on-page. We do not see them spend any time privately together when JGY is not also there, and every time they interact publically JGY is also present at the party or gathering. When we do see them interact, the only time LXC responds verbally directly to NMJ is in defense of someone; if we include his indirect defense of WWX at the Flower Banquet, then that becomes 'the only time we see LXC respond verbally to NMJ at all.'

This is not of course to say that they don't have interactions we don't see. Given the time gaps, they must! But there's nothing about the interactions we *do* see to suggest that the ones we don't are in any way actually emotionally close, certainly not on LXC's part. Again, a contrast with his interactions with JGY is instructive; as with NMJ, we certainly don't see all of their interactions, but what we do see signals their closeness, mutual respect, and tendency to spend time together.

PT II: NMJ dead

Okay, you say, but wait! What about the depth of his renewed grief after he finds NMJ's body!! What about his deep personal betrayal about JGY killing his close friend!!!

Yes, I say, wild-eyed, having tried to find anything in the text for just that. what /about/ all that.

My problem is, how do I prove a negative? In the chapters with NMJ alive, LXC's presence and his interactions with NMJ are short enough that I could reasonably if lengthily discuss and summarize; that's just not going to work here (there are twelve and a half temple chapters!), not least because some of it is a matter of context or interpretation. So I'm doing two things. First, where we do see him actively upset, I'm going to show you what he seems upset about, and second, I'm going to point out places where we might expect him to react if he's feeling a deep personal grief about NMJ specifically, and instead he does not, or reacts differently.

Let's start with chapter 46, where LXC sees NMJ's moving corpse for the first time. I've seen the idea around that LXC recognized NMJ by his abs, but this doesn't really seem to be the case; it's either the shape of his (headless) body or his saber-fighting movements. Significantly, LWJ also recognizes it at the exact same time: "As they saw the headless shadow, both [LXC and LWJ] paused shortly." LXC's reaction to this recognition is extreme surprise, "almost to the point of shocked," and he takes a bit to resume playing Liebing, joining LWJ on the guqin (to deal with the headless corpse that's going around). 'Shock' is hardly incompatible with immense personal grief, but I will note that in this section he is also not described as anything other than shocked, although it is his first time seeing NMJ's body in ten years.

In a few paragraphs they deal with the corpse, attacking its energy enough that it falls back into pieces. As WWX seals the pieces back into his qiankun pouch, LXC asks him to wait: he wants to look at the corpse first, and he's described as having an "ashen" complexion. In context, though, both of these things seem to me to be about the likely identity of NMJ's killer, rather than NMJ himself; when LXC says he want to look at the corpse, WWX asks him if he recognizes the corpse, but it's not LXC who replies: "Before Lan XiChen could reply, Lan WangJi already nodded slowly." Moreover, as WWX points out, LWJ has already given LXC all the evidence that points at JGY as the killer—and also, after they do start talking about the identity of the killer, LXC shows no further interest in the corpse. This, from WWX, seems to me to sum up LXC's emotional conflict in this conversation: "Sect Leader Lan, you know who is the most suspicious person. You’re just refusing to admit it." It's not about NMJ being the corpse per se; it's what NMJ being the corpse suggests JGY did. ETA: I look at this scene in more detail here.

(I'll also note that the very first time we see LXC have anything to do with NMJ's corpse, it's in chapter 11, in the context of LWJ asking if LXC is visiting JGY "again" and a paragraph on JGY from WWX which includes the revelation that he and LXC are sworn brothers on the one hand, and LXC talking about LWJ being in good spirits and bringing guests home on the other. Meanwhile, NMJ's arm: 'Lan XiChen spoke, “Uncle has taken and examined what you brought back from Mo Village.”'

Now obviously we can't infer LXC's feelings about NMJ from this directly, given that he doesn't know it's NMJ's arm at the time, but it's certainly textually suggestive, and it very much fits in with a pattern of LXC prioritizing JGY and LWJ.)

That's most of the end of chapter 46; the next chapter has LXC, LWJ, and WWX going to the discussion conference at Carp Tower. Again, it's kind of hard to prove a negative, and LXC's reactions aren't really described at great length (though he does of course greet JGY with a smile); the only thing that seems unusual is that he seems "absent-minded."

Chapters 48 and 49, and part of 50, are the Empathy chapters. After WWX escapes from the flashback and returns to LWJ, he and LWJ start causing a ruckus trying to get into JGY's bedchamber (to get to his secret room). An audience is attracted, including LXC. Taking a cue from LWJ, he pressures his way into the treasure room; he seems relieved when NMJ's head isn't behind the curtain WWX lifts. He has—well, he certainly has a few emotional reactions, but at no point does he seem driven by grief over NMJ instead of uncertainty about JGY. At one point he "nod[s] heavily" to confirm to NHS that he's talking about NMJ. Or consider this exchange:

Jin GuangYao’s eyes still held tears, but appeared as if they were red with anger. He clenched his hands into fists and shouted with both grief and resentment, “Dismembered… Dismembered! Who in this world could’ve done such an insane act?!”

Lan XiChen shook his head, “I do not know. When we were searching for the head, the clues disappeared.”

Now obviously JGY is acting—but he's acting the role of someone who /is/ personally mourning NMJ, and he's showing more anger than LXC ever does about it. Now—to be fair, MDZS LXC gets angry even less than CQL LXC, who is hardly an angry person. But there are a few times we do see him angry—certain moments confronting JGY in the temple, in the temple courtyard when he's angry at WWX for how he's treated LWJ—and what happens to NMJ's body, never mind the fact of the death itself, doesn't seem to make the list.

In chapter 63, WWX wakes up in CR, having been recovering for four days. In this chapter and the next two, LXC becomes increasingly distressed as they discover the Song of Turmoil and the evidence seems to weigh against Jin Guangyao, enough that it's not really feasible to review every instance of it. Nevertheless, there are a couple of parts I think it's worth looking at directly.

In chapter 64, we get something extremely valuable: LXC's statement of his own emotional quandary.

Lan XiChen supported his head on his hand. His voice was low, as though he was trying to hold something back, “WangJi, the version of Jin GuangYao that I know is entirely different compared to the version that you know and the version that the world knows! Throughout all these years, in my eyes, he has always been… enduring his suffer, caring for all people, treating everyone with respect. I have always believed, without a doubt, that the criticism he received from others all came from misunderstandings, that what I knew how he truly is. Now, you want me to believe, at once, that everything about this person is fake, that he planned to kill one of his sworn brothers, that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him… Could you please allow me some more discretion before I make my own judgement?”

So, what is he distressed by here? It's quite clearly the idea that he /doesn't/ know JGY, that the JGY he knows is fake, a falsehood, and relatedly that their relationship is not as he understands it ("that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him"). JGY killing NMJ is obviously what inspires this crisis, but it's not at all what's centered in his speech here, and even the half-sentence mention that it gets doesn't frame it at all in terms of NMJ's relationship to LXC. "He planned to kill one of his sworn brothers," he says, not "our sworn brother" or "my sworn brother" or even "my friend."

(The paragraph immediately following reads to me more like WWX's conclusions than narrative certainty, but either way, it's not about his personal relationship with NMJ: "Lan XiChen had taught Jin GuangYao the Song of Clarity, keeping in mind the grudge between Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue, hoping that they could be how they used to be. He requested Jin GuangYao to help calm Nie MingJue in place of him. Who would’ve known that his kindness made possible Jin GuangYao’s cruelty? How should he face himself now?")

Later in the chapter, there's the famous section where he tells WWX about his and LWJ's parents' story. I do think part of this is about telling WWX something about LWJ (although not that LWJ has feelings for him, which MDZS LXC thinks he already knows), but it's also pretty transparently about his own uncertainty re: JGY.

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Wei WuXian answered after a moment of silence, “He could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

A while later, [Lan Xichen speaks again, in a whisper]

He spoke, “Madam Lan must’ve been a very gentle woman.”

Lan XiChen, “In my memories, Mother had indeed been so. I do not know why she did such a thing back then. And, in truth, I…”

He took in a deep breath before confessing, “Do not want to know either.”

It's not what you might call subtle.

But it's also worth noting, I think, exactly what LXC focuses on telling the story. It was one of his father's teachers that his mother killed—and while that is absolutely a very important position, and obviously would have mattered and indeed did matter to QHJ a great deal—that's literally all the information we get about him, that he was QHJ's teacher. He lingers on why QHJ did what he did, and whether it was the right thing; he talks about the crime his mother committed, and his response to that. He does not focus at all on the teacher, the clear NMJ-analogue in this scenario. He's not QHJ's beloved teacher, or his favourite teacher, or anything like that—he's not even just "his teacher," he's "one of his teachers." And maybe that's all the information he has about him, but he doesn't linger on that question either! Again, there's nothing here to suggest that his conflict is about his personal connection with NMJ.

ETA: I actually missed something here. Thanks to some critique in the notes (and which I discuss more extensively in the post linked at the bottom of the page), I looked at the Chinese here, and the word LXC uses for teacher is 恩师, which Pleco gives me as “mentor; one’s kind and respected master (or teacher).” So on the one hand, that's not nothing. On the other hand, the point remains that it's only one word, LXC isn't adding lots of adjectives on to describe the teacher, and as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, simply doesn't linger on the teacher in his conversation with WWX; the focus is elsewhere. I think the point as a whole stands.

Now to the temple chapters. I think it's fairly well-known, at this point, that he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters, but I'm going to point it out again—he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters! And this is, I feel, even more significant in MDZS, where he's seen NMJ's fierce corpse. That said, there are a few instances where he reacts to NMJ/NMJ's corpse; I'm going to look at all of them.

First of all, in ch 104 when WWX says "Looks like being called the son of a prostitute is really Sect Leader Jin’s weak spot. No wonder you killed ChiFeng-Zun," we're told that "With the mention of Nie MingJue, Lan XiChen’s expression changed." No further details are provided; we don't know what it changes into, and the only hint we have as to what it changes /from/ is that LXC's last described reaction, only two paragraphs previous, was calling "Sect Leader Jin" because he knew JGY was about to fuck with JC. Also interestingly, LXC does /not/ have any reaction described when JGY and JC have the "isn't it hard being your shixiong/isn't it even harder being your sworn brother" exchange, earlier in chapter 101. Perhaps his reaction is simply not noted by the text—it seems unlikely he has literally zero reaction to it—but if we're looking for a difference, it seems like it's either the explicit reference to killing NMJ, or the reminder of NMJ calling JGY the son of a prostitute.

Second, there's the moment NMJ('s fierce corpse) shows up (ch 106). He, JGY, and NHS all say "Brother." JGY and LXC's responses are one paragraph after the other, and the punctuation is the same: "… Brother."* Meanwhile, NHS reacts first, a few paragraphs earlier, and he cries out, "Brother!!!" We're told that "[their] three tones were drastically different," which is interesting as well. NHS seems in the grip of some strong, active emotion—excitement? grief? We're explicitly told that JGY is scared. Whatever LXC's tone is, it's hard to say—but it's not like NHS'.

*(In the original text it looks like LXC's is "…Brother." and JGY's is "…Brother...", but either way they're significantly more similar to each other's than either is to NHS'.)

Thirdly and finally, when the Jin cultivators are fighting NMJ's corpse (ch 107), NHS peers out from behind LXC's back and calls out to NMJ ("both frightened and eager"), leading NMJ to charge at them. LXC stops him by playing Liebing, then then tries to get him to recognize identifying NHS ("Brother, this is Huaisang!"); the latter unfortunately does not work, NMJ being totally overcome by resentful energy. This section does actually have some evidence of grief: when he plays Liebing, it's described as "with a sob of Liebing."

He'll continue to try and deal with NMJ's corpse, notably with LWJ and WWX, but those three moments are the only times he reacts to NMJ (as NMJ, as opposed to as a fierce corpse that needs to be dealt with). That's not a lot, and each moment is very brief, not to mention fairly ambiguous about LXC's emotional reaction. If he /was/ being driven by his grief for NMJ's death, you would think we'd see more of it.

Furthermore, there's one moment I think it's important to pull out as explicitly not about NMJ. LXC tells JGY (and had told him previously) not to call LXC er-ge, /not/ because he killed da-ge (which you might expect!) but because of the second siege: “Sect Leader Jin, I have already said, when you went your own way to scheme such havoc at Burial Mound, that there was no longer the need to call me ‘Brother.’”

Now, to be clear, it's not that LXC's reactions to things just aren't described in the temple sequence in general. Obviously we see him react when he's telling LWJ about WWX's feelings, but even beyond that, even when he's occupying a more background role in the narrative, we're given his reaction quite a few times. He sighs when LWJ seals his spiritual powers (ch 100); he tends to NHS, covering with his outer robe (ch 102), comforting him when he's disturbed at the sight of the coffin (ch 103), protecting him from SMS (after NHS frames him for stabbing him, ch. 107) and from NMJ (ch 107), and comforting him and giving him pain medicine about the wound in his leg (ch 108); along with LWJ, he's distressed by the sound of JC's sword-scraping technique against JGY's music (ch 101); he tries to warn JC a couple of times when JC is fighting JGY (ch 101), cautions JL (ch 101) and later JC (ch 102) about worsening JC's injuries, and along with JL, WWX, and LWJ freezes when JC slaps JL to the ground (ch 102); he asks Minshan why he's being rude to LWJ, and a little later, with SMS and JL, pauses in astonishment when LWJ laughs (ch 100); he averts his gaze from and seems perhaps embarassed by the ghosts that WWX summons (ch 104); he calls out to WWX to remind him that his current body is closely related to JGY, and will therefore attract NMJ's fierce corpse (ch 107). He actually has a couple of entertaining reactions to Wangxian being Wangxian: he coughs and tells WWX it is maybe not the best time and place for this when WWX is about to repeat "I really wanted to sleep with you," and then later he and Jin Ling inexplicably! move their sitting cushions far away from Wangxian's and gaze into the distance (ch 100).

And more than anything else—in what I think is a very instructive contrast—he reacts to JGY, in a way that reflects an ongoing continual emotional investment. He is, quite notably, consistently worried about JGY and unable to stand the sight of him in pain, even when he thinks he shouldn't be. When the coffin trap goes off, and they overhear Jin cultivators wailing and a pungent smoke emerges, there's worry in LXC's eyes; after JGY and Minshan make it out, and JGY takes some medicine against the poison, LXC hesitates for a moment and then asks what happened (ch 103). After LWJ cuts JGY's hand off—which means /after/ he's taken JL hostage, note—LXC "seemed as though he wanted to help him for an instant," though "in the end he dared not" (ch 106). When Minshan asks him for medicine for JGY, seeing how terrible JGY looks, he hesitates slightly before they're interrupted by NMJ's success fighting the Jin cultivators (ch 107). After they've defeated NMJ, he treats JGY's wrist; moreover, "Seeing that Jin GuangYao almost passed out from the pain, Lan XiChen, who in the beginning wanted to use this to punish him, still didn’t have the heart to bear it," and goes for the pain-relief medicine from NHS. And this is all not even accounting for his reactions to JGY either during his questioning of JGY or post-stabbing!

And what about when he's distressed by JGY? When he's reacting with upset or anger? There seem to be two consistent threads: first, that JGY did awful things/hurt people /not/ under constraint, and second, the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all and their relationship was a lie.

For the first, he calls out Sect Leader Jin when JGY starts in on JC after JC calls him the son of a prostitute (ch 104), although notably he does not do the same in their earlier confrontation when JGY is distracting JC in order to defeat him, only warning JC (ch 101); when JGY confesses to having burned down the brothel, he's distressed when JGY says that it wasn't entirely to remove the traces (ch 105); he becomes /less/ angry about the second siege and about QS when it turns out that he was operating under constraint in those conditions (ch 106); and of course, the thing he's angriest about is JGY killing his father, "and even in such a way" (ch 106). In ch 103, looking down at the coffin he is shocked that JGY buried something that caused such horror to its surroundings, but without further information about JGY's reasons this does not metamorphose into anger.

For the second, when WWX him asks why there's no light shining from Shuoyue, he tells him "It's quite a shame," and that he "was fooled by lies" and had his cultivation sealed (ch 99); when JGY assures him that he'll let him and NHS go without harm when the time comes, he asks if he should believe him (ch 100); when JGY asks if LXC isn't going to ask him /why/ he set the fire (since it wasn't entirely to erace the traces), we have this important excerpt (ch 105):

“In the past, it was not that I did not know what you did, but that I believed you had your reasons behind doing them.”

He continued, “But, you have done too much. And I… no longer know if I should believe you.”

Fatigue and disappointment sunk heavily into his tone.

And then after JGY takes JL hostage (ch 106), this one:

Lan XiChen spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, you lied again.”

Jin GuangYao, “Just this once. There’ll be no next time.”

Lan XiChen, “This was what you said last time. I can no longer tell which of your words are true.”

LXC asks him about the letter in the first place because "whenever he heard there might be hiddenmight hidden reasons, he just had to hear it" (ch 105); when WWX challenges him before he tends to JGY's wounds, he says "Many things still remain unanswered" (ch 108).

His upset at JGY "attacking" him is in ch 108, I think, a combination of the two—in CQL, it reads more like he's angry that JGY took an action that made him need to attack JGY than anything else, but in MDZS he experiences it as a real betrayal: "As he saw Nie HuaiSang’s expression along with the warning, he felt something in his heart go cold." Because it would have been one; it's a line that JGY hasn't crossed, and as it turns out it's a line that JGY hadn't crossed, and would never.

And lastly, after JGY's death, we have once again LXC's explicit statement of his difficulties—and while LXC's post-stabbing difficulties could be different from his pre-stabbing ones, it's at least an important consideration, and it is in line with the rest of what we see:

“… Just what does he want to do? I once thought I knew him well, and then I realized I did not. Before tonight, I thought I knew him well once more, but now I do not.” Nobody could give him an answer. Lan XiChen repeated in frustration, “Just what does he want to do?”

Looking over the evidence, he's hurt and angry that JGY would do awful things not under constraint, and about the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all/their relationship is a lie. I do think it's unlikely that he's zero percent upset about JGY contributing to NMJ's death—I tend to think they talked about if offscreen, between LXC leaving with him from Gusu and WWX finding them in the temple, and that's why LXC doesn't bring him up in the temple sequence. But whatever he's feeling, his reactions to JGY don't seem to be about his own personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, and if they /had/ been about that I think there's several moments in the temple that would have played out differently.

One last note: I see often the idea that LXC going into seclusion after JGY's death is for his grief about /both/ his sworn brothers. At this point, you're probably unsurprised to learn that I don't think the evidence supports this. Not only, again, do we have very little evidence of his personal grief for NMJ post-timeskip—ten years past NMJ's death!—even after NMJ shows up again, but there's a distinct change in him after JGY dies. Before that, he's obviously distressed, but he's still tracking and on top of things; afterwards, on the other hand, we're told that "If it were the usual ZeWu-Jun, he couldn’t have failed to fathom [what WWX was suggesting the letter be intended to cause]. But right now, it was likely he had no more space in his mind to think" (ch 109), which tracks pretty well with his absent-mindedness at the banquet a few months down the line (ch 116). Nothing about LWJ's discussion with WWX of LXC's state suggests it's at all precedented (ch 115), and in fact when LQR talks to him immediately after JGY dies, we're told that "Lan XiChen’s face was full of an unspeakable grief" and that "Lan QiRen had never seen Lan XiChen, a child he single-handedly brought up, look so agitated and discomposed" (ch 110). JGY's death is a breaking point; NMJ's death, at the time or now, simply is not.

In conclusion, while he was certainly friends with NMJ pre-Sunshot, and that is genuinely rare for LXC, they began to grow apart during Sunshot; and while LXC continued to care for NMJ, he was not at all intimate with him, and showed no sign of particularly enjoying or seeking out his company. Later, while he is certainly disturbed at the idea that JGY might have killed NMJ, this is because it suggests that he /doesn't/ know JGY after all, and his reactions to JGY then and at the temple are not driven by his personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, nor is his seclusion in any way related to his feelings for NMJ.

ETA: All quotes taken from the Exiled Rebels translation.

ETA: I discuss some critique of this by @/hqfeels here.

#ship negativity cw #ship meme #I'm done!!!#good fucking god this took me a month #that damn bingo post #long meta #profound philosophical differences #anger burned in his heart #the best of men #a gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

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mickeymouse-moshpit · 4 years

Text

street lights, people

A/N: Hello, kind readers of this fic that I have taken entirely too long to update. I’m so sorry for the wait! And I also have to apologize because there is a whole first part of this that is stored on my computer, which is currently in the mail for repairs. I will post that part as well once it’s back, just please hold on and know that 1) there’s definitely context to being on Fennec’s bike in it and 2) there will be spicy things in the next part. Anyway, uh, if there’s typos I’m very sorry, and enjoy!

Description: Fennec and peds!Reader go on a date

Warnings: Some brief verbal harassment, brief description of dissociating, a little angst if you squint hard enough, Fennec and peds!Reader doing their thing

Rating: T

Word count: 2.7K

January 24th

Read part one here

You followed her out and down the lined path, hands sitting in the pockets of your jacket to keep warm. She threaded her arm through yours, and led you down the street to a book shop of all places.

“I remembered you telling me about that new series you wanted to read, something about gay witches? And you’re always talking about how much you want to go to the bookstore but you never do. So, go browse. I want to see what your process looks like.”

“Th—that’s really thoughtful. I don’t know that I really have a true process, but yeah let’s go look!” You opened the door for her, a light going on inside you as you got your first waft of bookstore smell: the paper, the ink. You got the first wave of the noise: the low music playing in the background, the people there talking in hushed tones. You couldn’t make out any conversations happening, could barely hear that there were lyrics in the music. You stopped for a moment, scanning the layout of the room. Your eyes landed first on the display of bookmarks and postcards, making a mental note to get one or two of each to remember this little town so you could find it one day. But then your train of thought halted: could you come here alone?

Best not to dwell.

Your eyes resumed their scanning, noting the different sections. You wandered to the right, letting your gaze drift over the painting beside the door. It was line art of two bodies intertwined, splashed with color to resemble a galaxy where they met. The notecard below it gave the title and artist’s name. And a price. You were struck by how nice it would look on your art wall. But that was for another day.

You started your first pass through the stacks, letting your eyes skate over the spines of the books, pausing to read the note cards when they gave a recommendation from one of the workers. Your fingers started to take on a mind of their own, catching on books here and there, bringing them out for you to investigate. Every couple of them, you would open to the first page, let the author’s words try to entice you. You put most of them back, but a green paperback one with a bent cover stayed behind. You held it close as you continued on, pacing with no purpose at all. If someone didn’t know you, they would think you had a system, but really you were just letting yourself be on autopilot. That is, until you got to the section that housed the series you had read about and wanted.

“This is it!” You hoped your whisper would convey your excitement to Fennec. You had been watching book recommendation videos and this series had come up, promising both a love story and adventure. “I hope th—they do! They’ve got both!”

You plucked both the paperback and hardcover from the shelves, adding them to your little stash. Your small smile would not leave your face.

Fennec watched as you dragged yourself away from the section, mentally patting herself on the back for this idea. You looked so happy, at peace. If she was a part of that? She would consider herself both clever and immensely lucky. As she followed you back to one of the sections you had drifted through, she watched your perusing turn into a hunt. You furrowed your brow as you sank down to kneel and scan for what she wasn’t quite sure. She pulled two more books from the shelf.

“Have you read this one?” She held up a copy of a book called Circe.

“No, but someone at work was talking about it the other day.” She hoped you wouldn’t be disappointed, and wasn’t disappointed when you slid the book back into its place with a mischievous look. Fennec’s mind went straight into the gutter for a moment, imagining you in a very different situation but with the same look.

“Good, you’ll borrow my copy.” There was no arguing, it was a fact. She would.

You stood up again, still holding onto the other book. You were off again, and while she thought you clutching four books to your chest was possibly the cutest thing she had ever seen, you were going to drop one if you kept getting distracted. When you stopped again, she held her hands out.

“Here, let me carry them. You use your hands to browse.”

You nodded once and sank down again, grabbing one of the recommended titles and popping up again. You paused, before setting it on the pile Fennec was holding, warmth building in your face as she gave you one of her smiles.

You set off with one more stop in mind. The waiting room library at your office was lacking in chapter books as of late. You let your feet carry you to the children’s section.

“What are we doing here? I didn’t take you for the Warrior Cats type. “

“The selection of chapter books in my waiting room is looking a little sparse here lately. I want to see what the kids are into so I can update the wishlist.”

Fennec looked at you like you had suddenly turned purple with polka dots and sprouted antennae.

“I have a bookshelf in the waiting room, and I always make it clear to kids and parents that the books on it are meant to be read, cherished, read again, both while waiting and when they go home, with no expectation of return. The Little Golden Books usually do come back, just like most of the other books meant for the teeny-tinies. The chapter books get sparse and don’t tend to come back, but I like it that way. It means I’ve got another reader who gets to learn about the magic of words.”

“But where do the books come from?”

“Well, at first it was just me. There were some parents who made it very clear when I mentioned the shelf that they were perfectly capable of providing their kids with books and how dare I assume otherwise. There were others that you could tell were extremely grateful. There were also a few that had a problem with it but not for any good reason but I’m sure you know what kind of parents I’m getting at.”

She did.

“Then one day I was in the little shop in town and one of the little ones who had started on chapter books saw me and ran up, telling me all about how she had saved her allowance and she was able to get the sequel to the book she had gotten from me. The owner of the shop heard it, and when I went to buy the book I had picked out along with some chapter books for the waiting room, he told me he would let me start a wishlist and he would put it by the register for people to see and maybe buy one or two.”

“Do you usually get what you ask for?”

“It depends on the time of year. During the holidays people get more generous so it’s time to update the list. Hence the reading castle.” You gestured to the structure before you, an alcove that had a castle facade and was filled with still more books. “And the wall of chapter books.”

Before she could formulate a response, you had pulled out your phone and started making a list. Fennec watched you with an emotion she wasn’t sure how to name. The earnest way you took on your task had her pulling out her own phone while you weren’t watching to send a message to the garage group chat. When you had finished, you brushed a hand over her shoulder as you walked by.

You wandered to your last stop: the display at the front. You picked out a pack of bookmarks that were little magnetic trees before turning your attention to the display of postcards. You chose one that was a picture of the gazebo in the middle of town at night, surrounded by twinkle lights with “wish you were here” in small text at the bottom.

You walked up to the register and Fennec plopped your pile of finds on the counter.

“Did you find everything you were looking for?” The older salesperson behind the register had half a smirk on his face as he queried you. “I haven’t seen someone quite as methodical as you, even covered the section for children.”

You weren’t sure if the sarcastic tone was real or meant as a lighthearted joke, but either way you felt your cheeks warm again, and not in a good way. You wondered for a moment if the ground would open up and swallow you whole. You felt Fennec’s arm wrap its way around your torso again as the salesperson started ringing up the books.

“Being thorough is one of the best things about her. And this is just me, but I think it would be kind of nice if my kid’s pediatrician knew enough about what their media looked like to be able to talk to them at their level about things other than their health.”

“Oh so she’s a big kid is what you’re saying? What, does she play with dolls, or are toys more for the bedroom?” That definitely wasn’t meant in a kind way.

Fennec’s arm tightened around you before you got the chance to just slip away and out the door, as if she knew that was something you might do.

“I would stop talking about them if I were you.” Her voice was low, had taken on a dangerous edge that matched what others saw in her leather jacket.

He got the hint, hurrying up with the transaction. When the final total came up, you reached into your pocket, not really feeling anything for that moment or registering the number that flashed in your general direction. Before you could get your card liberated, Fennec was already sliding hers into the chip reader. You wanted to protest, wanted to tell her it was too much, but the interaction was a sea witch that had stolen your voice and you could only look on as the books and other small items were wrapped and put into a bag and Fennec was turning you in a circle to get you out of the shop.

You weren’t even aware that your feet had moved until you were in front of her bike and she had distributed the books into the two saddle bags. She faced you and put her hands on your shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

You looked at her, answering her question with the question mark that had seemingly etched itself on your face.

“Hello? Earth to Doc? Are you in there?” She gave your shoulders a little shake, before she wrapped you in her arms. You finally felt like you could take a deep breath again as you rested your head in the crook of her neck, letting the pressure she was providing ground you again.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into the collar of her sweater.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. He should be sorry. If he hadn’t stopped talking, I would have made him sorry.”

“I wanted to stop you from paying, it was too much.”

“No. I wanted to do that, it was the plan from the beginning.”

“Really?” You pulled back slightly, peeking at her, searching her face but not having much luck in the low light.

“Yes really. Now, I had something else planned, do you want to know what it is so you can decide if you still want to do it?”

You considered it, but the phantom hollow in your chest and the way your arms and legs still didn’t feel like they belonged to you gave you your answer.

“I want to know, but not yet. Keep it secret, show me next time. I’ve got my own idea though. Will you take me home? I want to show you the Books.”

***

You didn’t want to let go of her, but you needed to if you were going to go inside where it was warm. So you did. When she had taken the books out and put them back in their bag, you headed for the three steps that led up to the door of your half of the duplex. You unlocked the door, nearly dropping the keys because your hands were so cold. You caught them before Fennec could tease you about it.

You clicked on the light in the entryway, lighting the way as she took a few steps inside again. You took the bag from her, and nodded to your left. Behind the stairs to the loft, there was a doorway. You walked through it and to the right, knowing the room in the darkness. You stepped on the clicker for the floor lamp, bathing the room in a soft glow. You walked over to the electric fireplace that added some extra heat to the room, switching it on.

You went back to where she was standing in the doorway, like she wasn’t quite sure what to do with her hands. You took them in yours and brought her in.

Her eyes widened as she took in the space.

The room screamed comfort. All four walls were covered by bookshelves that reached the ceiling, with two interruptions. The first was around the fireplace, if you could even call it that. There was a painting in front of it, but her eyes were too busy wandering to take it in just yet. Her gaze drifted to the window, where either you or the previous owners had built a seat large and plush enough to recline in. While that should have been the star of the room, it wasn’t.

In front of the fireplace was a massive sectional sofa. She was sure it had to have a pull out option you were taking advantage of because it looked more like a bed-sofa hybrid with the way the middle was seemingly filled to the brim with throw pillows and faux-fur blankets.

You stood watching her take it in, as she eventually started looking at the books lining the shelves, punctuated by the odd piece of memorabilia. There was such a variety, all alphabetized, with the only delineation by genre she could see being poetry and prose. As she browsed, you placed your books on the window seat, and from under it produced two stamps: one to mark the books as yours, and one to put a place for people who borrowed them to sign. Others always asked if it was to make sure they came back, but you always replied with no, it was to make sure people could see if they had borrowed them before. You put the books onto the rolling cart that already had a small pile to be put away. Some of them were new, some you had reread and needed to return.

Task complete, you perched on the back of the couch to watch her.

“I should start referring to you as a dragon. You’ve got quite the hoard, baby.” Her words were quiet, wrapped with kindness. “It’s impressive. Thank you for showing me this part of you.”

“I just really like them.” Your smile was growing as she got closer to you. You stood and wrapped yourself around her again. “Does that make you the maiden in need of rescue?”

“Oh, no, you can keep me here as long as you want. Besides, don’t you know the dragon needs saving too sometimes?”

“In that case…” You paused, stealing yourself. “Would you stay a while? I can make tea, we can read, if you’re okay with you could do that pressure thing again?”

“You mean will I hold you close, let you hide your face in my neck for a minute again? Let you whisper things you don’t think I’ll hear but I will anyway?”

You nodded once.

“In that case, I’ll do ‘that pressure thing’ for as long as you need me to. But you have to let me try out this couch nest thing because it looks amazing.”

“Of course, but the first rule of the dragon’s lair is this: no jackets.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More author’s notes: if you’re curious about what series peds!Reader was looking for, it’s These Witches Don’t Burn and its sequel by Isabel Sterling. She wants Fennec to read Circe by Madeline Miller, and she bought The Song of Achilles, also by Madeline Miller

Tagging: @phoenixhalliwell @promiscuoussatan @maybege @jangofctts

#street lights people #Fennec Shand x reader #fennec shand #biker!Fennec #biker au #the mandalorian fanfic #star wars fanfic #wlw #the mandalorian fanfiction #Star Wars au

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telehxhtrash · 4 years

Note

Hi! How are you? I read your meta on Gon and it was great and really helped me see his character better. But, and I don't know if I'm misinterpreting your text (or the manga itself) - also, please don't hate me -, I feel like a lot contributed to Gon's lack of self esteem and traumas, and those things seem to be usually overlooked. It began with Ging, and if we have to put blame somewhere, it would be on him, for sure, but Mito lying to him, her hatred of Ging, how Gon met Kite... (1/3)

... how the adults (like Bisky, Wing, Morel, etc) highlighted his potential, while not providing emotional guidance (even if they were well intentioned) - all of those points are related to how Gon seems himself. Ging's intentions are a bit muddled, but I also feel like he doesn't really care about what Gon becomes (or doesn't). The whole point of the "plot of beach" card is that what is most important can be right by your side, something that he highlights in the world tree as well. (2/3)

He's a (self declared) selfish person, that is trying to convey his point - that Gon should look for happiness around him - in a childish way (a videogame). Anyway, it's just a lot of rambling, but I wanted to know your thoughts on how other characters affected Gon and, well... also know more of your thoughts on Ging. Togashi created a masterpiece with so many layers, it's incredible (3/3)

Hi !! I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply I managed my askbox soooo poorly these past few days!

You definitely got a point, Gon’s social environment did not help him at all. I think Gon’s issues kind of piled up on top of each other, and every situation kind of fueled the toxic traits he already had you know? So like, Ging’s abandonment most definitely sparked self-worth issues on top of abandonment issues. And then, Ging’s chase around the globe fueled his need to prove his worth and self-destructive behavior. But... you’re right, every adult in HxH fueled his issues even more. Gon’s issues were sparked and fueled by Ging’s behavior, but all the other adults added an additional layer on top of that by pushing him towards this self-destructive path. Like, during Greed Island Bisky literally tells Gon he has to keep on being stronger if he wants to see Ging..... So yeah, adults definitely didn’t help Gon’s trauma. At all. As for Ging, I’m not sure ! I can’t tell what the fuck Ging is as a character. He obviously cares for Gon in his own way, but I think it’s a selfish way. He doesn’t care for Gon as a person but Gon as his son, as his legacy sort of. But then again, he’s the one that gave Gon the lesson on the little detours in life... So it’s hard to say. I can’t seem to understand Ging’s character at all. But no matter what his intentions are, Ging most definitely created Gon’s abandonment issues and kept on enabling them. Even though it was most likely unintentional, it still fucked up Gon on so many levels to be held to such high standards...

So yeah, the adults in HxH all fucked up Gon in their own special lil ways. Everyone sort of contributed to Gon’s trauma and self-destructive behavior, but to me Ging is really the root of all of this, the one that created the issues in the first place and kept on enabling Gon’s toxic behavior.

Thank you for this ask!! I’m sorry it took me so long to reply and I’m sorry my answer isn’t as thorough as I’d like but I still hope i conveyed my thoughts properly!

#ask

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yasuda-yoshiya · 6 years

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Hey there. Sorry to bother you. I read your write up on The House in Fata Morgana and I really love how you go into such detail on the second half, especially with The Maid. I agree with her being wasted potential, especially when Michel’s love is enough to erase centuries of psychological and emotional trauma and amnesia in the span of one minute. My question is, how would you handle the Maid’s arc while keeping the setup the same? This got long, sorry. But I have a lot of thoughts about her.

Aaahhh, it’s absolutely no bother at all; thank you for getting in touch! It’s great to hear from you, and I’m very grateful for the kind words about my incoherent babbling. Giselle/the Maid is honestly one of my absolute favourite fictional characters and it’s really hard to find any real discussion or meta around her within Fata’s tiny English-speaking fandom, so I’m always super excited to hear from other people who feel the same way about her!

Okay, this got really long so I’ll stick it under a cut:

I have actually put a lot of thought into how the Maid’s story could have been handled and resolved better (and even drafted elaborate AU fanfic about it, for that matter), so I’ll try and put some of that into words here. Prior to door 8, I honestly feel like the broad structure of the Maid’s arc as it exists ingame does actually hit most of the major emotional notes that it needs to; it just rushes through each of them so fast and gives them so little narrative weight that they’re not really able to have the impact that they should, especially when door 8 then goes on to completely ignore the whole thing. So for the most part, I’d lean more towards heavily fleshing out the existing content rather than making any real changes to the structure of the plot overall. Door 8 is the point where I feel that her writing completely falls apart and needs to be rebuilt from the ground up.

As for how exactly I’d want to flesh things out, the main thing I’d want to do is to heavily extend door 6 - both the backstory itself and the conflict between Michel and Giselle in the aftermath. As I think I said in that big old write-up, to me the whole door felt more like a quick checklist of events more than a real fleshed out narrative.The way I see it, Giselle’s character arc is fundamentally about her relentlessly trying to hold on to her optimism and the core of her “self” in the face of traumatic experiences - to not let her suffering take away her smile, her energy and positivity and upbeat personality, the things she saw as defining who she was before all of this happened to her. This is portrayed very well throughout door 5, where we see Giselle very consciously deciding multiple times to try and put her suffering behind her and start over from a clean slate with positive expectations - first when she’s sent to the mansion with Michel, then at the village with Amedee, and then again when she reunites with Michel - and it’s also very effectively conveyed that the effort of constantly keeping up that positive attitude and trying to block out the scars of her trauma puts a significant strain on her (one that Michel tries to ease by explicitly accepting her scars as a part of her and telling her that she doesn’t need to hide them from him).

What ends up breaking Giselle and forcing her to detach from herself entirely and become the Maid, then, is the feeling that she’s finally collapsed under that strain and “lost herself” to the point of being unrecognisable as Giselle, of having lost everything she used to define herself by. The fact that even “Michel” doesn’t recognise her any more, the fact that she herself is barely able to keep a hold on her memories of the past and who she used to be, her body becoming cold and lifeless and losing its old warmth and energy, and the weight of the years slowly wearing down her ability to stay positive and keep believing in a happy ending - all of those pressures end up breaking her self-confidence down to the point that she can’t manage to see herself as “Giselle” any more, and the burden of even trying to keep being “Giselle” becomes too much.

In that state of mind, it’s no surprise that the alternate story that Morgana tells her - that the Maid was always just a lonely witch haunting the mansion, an impostor who became fascinated by the real Giselle and Michel, and deluded herself into believing that their story was hers - becomes so much easier to believe in. Of course she’s failing so hard at being “Giselle”, because she never was Giselle to begin with. Accepting this narrative allows her to detach herself from the weight of having to try to be Giselle, and to project those feelings and ideals from a distance on to the White-Haired Girl instead, who is everything the Maid thinks “Giselle” should be. Note the Maid’s fixation throughout the stories on the WHG’s “purity” and her unchanging nature that stays constant across all times - the qualities that she feels she herself has lost. Of course, Giselle is also very much still subconsciously projecting her own lingering feelings for Michel on to the WHG as well, as she assigns WHG the role of her “master” and “the person she waits for” - but in a context that allows her to safely detach herself as a guide, watching over the real Giselle and feeling pity for her suffering. It puts her in a position where she can be the one to reassure someone else that it’s okay for them to give up, to forget about waiting for Michel and find whatever happiness they can for themselves - without having to shoulder the shame of making that decision herself. The things she can’t accept about herself as “Giselle” become acceptable if she takes the outside role of a witch. As Fata repeatedly puts forth, tragedy becomes a lot more bearable if you think of it as “someone else’s”.

Okay, I basically just wrote three paragraphs of meta here and I’m still not much closer to actually answering your question, so it’s about time I looped back to the point. Everything I’ve outlined above is the basic outline of what I feel is intended to come across through the Maid’s arc. Now let’s talk about where I feel that door 6 fails at actually making that arc really hit home as strongly as it could have. I think the essence of the problem, at least to me, is that door 6 does a perfectly good job of laying out a very believable sequence of events that lead Giselle to become the Maid, but it doesn’t really do such a great job at portraying Giselle’s reactions in any real depth. The narration doesn’t really bring to life the feeling of someone fiercely struggling with themselves to stay positive in the same way that door 5 does, and the process of Giselle’s desperate attempts to keep hold of herself being slowly being worn down over the years gets skipped through so quickly that it’s hard to really feel the weight of it from her perspective. Just going more into depth with Giselle’s internal thought processes here, showing more of her individual reactions to the events of the first three doors and things like her frantic attempts to rationalise it as maybe being okay that the WHG doesn’t recognise her, showing the strain it puts on her to have to keep trying to find ways to frame her story in a more hopeful and positive way until she finally just can’t do it any more, would really help make the door feel like more of a complete experience.

Again, though, as I said in my old write-up, I do think a lot of what is there in door 6 is really strong and effective - a lot of the individual scenes do genuinely feel really powerful in their own right - but there’s just not quite enough there to make the whole thing really hold together as a fully realised narrative. (To put it another way, when you have even a weird side character like Yukimasa getting such a slow, thorough and nuanced exploration of his gradual descent into madness, but your main heroine’s central identity conflict and breakdown of her sense of self is rushed through in about half an hour, something has gone terribly wrong.)

The other problem that I have with door 6 - and this might be more of a personal thing - is the point it chooses to end at. The pivotal moment where Giselle actually finally chooses to disown her old identity and accept Morgana’s story as the truth goes by so quickly that you could almost miss it, and then after that the door is pretty much over, short timeskip to the end of Jacopo’s era aside. Considering how much emphasis the earlygame puts on the Maid’s preoccupation with stories, and how important the story of door 4 is to her in particular, I always felt more than a little disappointed by how little time is given to Giselle’s internal reaction to Morgana’s story when she hears it, or to how she processes it and sorts out her feelings about it afterwards; how she uses it as a way to reframe her own story in a way that’s more manageable to her, and how it hurts to let go of it. Even the most basic point of the Maid passing her old identity on to the WHG isn’t actually touched on by the text of door 6 at all. It just really feels like a lot of wasted potential, since the Maid’s relationship with the narrative of door 4 is probably the single most interesting part of the character to me, and I think it could easily have been elaborated on a lot more here in a way that would make the arc as a whole much stronger. (Although now that I think about it, I think I might have pretty much made a lot these points already in my old write-up, so I might just be repeating myself now? Whoops? It’s been a while, sorry!)

So that pretty much covers my feelings on what I would have liked to see from the Maid’s backstory. Now I can move on to talk about how I’d want to handle the resolution, which was probably the main point of your question to begin with! I think the biggest problem with the Maid’s turnaround as it stands is that it feels so easy, with very little real struggle or conflict - as you said, it really does feel like all of Giselle’s issues as the Maid are just flat-out “erased” in a matter of minutes, and she just reverts back to her old self entirely. And that feels incredibly wrong to me, because it seems to basically uncritically validate Giselle’s ideal of herself as someone who can hold on to her cheerful attitude and just block out her suffering entirely as if it never happened - which feels totally at odds with the the rest of her narrative up to that point stressing how much of a burden she placed on herself with that unrealistic expectation and how trying to live up to that impossible ideal ended up tearing her apart completely.

I think it would have worked a lot better to instead put the focus on Giselle’s resolution on challenging that ideal for herself, and letting her realise that she doesn’t have to be that ideal unchanging person she wants “Giselle” to be - that even if she has changed, she’s still Giselle, and still the same person Michel loved (Requiem’s epilogue briefly touches on this idea too). To accept the Maid as something that came from her, that’s a part of her, and that she doesn’t have to be ashamed of or make into an entirely different person to accept. The Maid believed that she’d lost her humanity entirely and become unrecognisable as herself, but when it came down to it, Michel did still recognise her, and still sees the person he loved in her. And some part of Giselle evidently still recognised and reached out to Michel as the person she had really been waiting for, too, even after she’d supposedly rewritten her story entirely to put the WHG in that role. The way her suffering ended up shaping her into someone like the Maid doesn’t make her inhuman; the ways she’s reacted to her suffering by trying to change into someone else are themselves human and relatable, they’re understandable and okay reactions for Giselle to have had in her situation, and the Maid is still someone Michel is perfectly capable of deeply empathising with and feeling love for.

Because in the end, the heart of Michel’s love for Giselle wasn’t ever really dependent on her always staying a bright and cheerful person who never stops smiling and always stays positive and never gives into despair; it was a relationship between two deeply wounded people who connected with each other through their shared experience of suffering. In blocking out and trying to forget the painful aspects of her past, in replacing them with a gently beautiful fairytale of a tragic love between two totally pure and selfless people, Giselle ended up losing what was really important about their relationship - that neither of them had ever been perfect, that they’d both been irreparably hurt by their trauma, but they still loved and understood and accepted each other, scars and all. Her remembering Michel as such a perfectly pure and flawless person is very sweet in its way, but it actually ended up turning her memory of him into someone so perfect that she couldn’t possibly live up to him or keep believing that he’d love someone like her - as is a running theme in Fata, blocking out the pain of their past ended up also blocking out the real significance of the connection they’d managed to make with each other through that pain.

So, approaching the end of door 6 and the Maid’s final resolution through that lens, I think I would put a lot more emphasis on Michel getting through to Giselle by his understanding and acceptance of what she’s been through and how it’s changed her, and by his own simple empathy with her and love for her as a fellow flawed and scarred human being. I think I’d also want to make that process of him getting through to her and coming to understand her a lot more difficult and painful than it came across in canon - I think a lot of things about the Maid’s attitude should have been difficult for him to understand and come to terms with for a while, especially when it comes to her wanting to cling on to her own story and push a false identity on to him instead of confronting the truth, which would hit a particularly bad spot for Michel at first. For example, with those small breakpoint scenes midway through door 5 where Michel and the Maid are reacting to the retelling of their memories, I’d want to have the Maid be a lot more fierce and persistent at first about denying that these really are her true memories, and denying the idea that the Giselle she sees in door 5 could ever possibly have been her - I’d want to see her trying a bit harder to defend the protective narrative she’s built up for herself in the face of Michel’s brutal attacks on it, and Michel maybe initially lashing out in frustration at that, until he slowly comes to recognise the basic emotions behind her actions as essentially sympathetic and familiar from his own experience of severe isolation, recalling how it had made him want to shut his heart off in much the same way.

Michel having to accept his own responsibility in leaving Giselle alone to deal with all this in the first place - for underestimating just how much she needed him - is also something that’s going to be difficult for both of them to deal with, but it’s something that I think they needed to more explicitly acknowledge and work through with each other because it’s important in the sense of Giselle being able to remember that Michel is a flawed and imperfect person too. (The Michel in door 4 explicitly did make the choice to die together with Giselle instead of leaving her alone, again reinforcing Giselle’s inaccurate memory of him as someone pure and perfect.) The Maid’s issues with her repressed resentment for Michel and with her own self-image are obviously very deep-seated to an extent that actually fully “resolving” them in just one conversation with Michel isn’t at all realistic, but I do feel that the process of actually having to talk things through with the real Michel would start to remind her of what their connection actually felt like after all those years of turning it into an abstract archetypal love story, and of how Michel was always someone she loved for being an approachably flawed and awkward person rather than any kind of perfect ideal - and to start to believe that maybe it’s okay for her to be flawed too, that her flaws could still be a part of her humanity and part of “Giselle” rather than something that makes her inhuman. As has always been the case with these two, humanising each other helps them to humanise themselves. Dealing with everything that’s happened is inevitably still going to be a difficult process for both of them, but I think Fata could have believably gotten them to a point where they’re at least starting down the right path without just lazily erasing Giselle’s issues and brushing the whole thing off. It’s a difficult balance to strike, but I do feel that Fata manages that delicate balance in other places and could have done so here, if a bit more care had been put into the writing.

From there, I’d keep the flow of the story as it stands - Michel and Giselle try to leave the mansion, Morgana stops them, and Salvage and Door 7 proceed as before. So the next thing to talk about here is Door 8. As it stands, the portrayal of Michel and Giselle’s relationship in door 8 is basically all about Michel gradually breaking out of his shell with Giselle’s support; as I think I said in that old write-up, I think it would have been much more effective if the focus was instead on the two of them supporting each other to start to break out of their respective periods of isolation and reclaim themselves as human beings who are still capable of living in the world and connecting with other people. Rather than Michel and Giselle’s dynamic just reverting to how it was in door 5, I would have liked door 8 to have them starting to develop a new dynamic to reflect how Giselle has changed, and to present her having to learn how to act like a “real person” again as more of a difficult and gradual process. Giselle really has irreversibly changed in many ways, but she’s also far from actually being unrecognisable, and I think the basic idea of her starting to naturally take on some of her old mannerisms again as she talks to Michel could have been genuinely sweet and touching if it felt a bit morenuanced and earned in its execution - starting to reclaim her identity as a human rather than a witch, as someone who’s still capable of feeling human emotions and having human connections, in the same way that Michel is gradually brought out of his shell by the events of door 8 and starts to be able to believe in himself once again as a person who’s capable of living in the world without being rejected or treated as an outcast. I think my ideal version of door 8 would focus a lot more on Michel and Giselle helping each other through that process.

Well, if I permit myself to indulge in full-on wish fulfillment here, my real ideal scenario would honestly be for Giselle to actually be physically there in door 8 and have her and Michel working together to save Morgana, with both of them getting to interact with the other characters and play an equal part as co-protagonists in the truest sense - but honestly, even without radically revising the structure and just keeping Giselle as a voice in Michel’s head, I think she could still have easily been given much more of her own personal arc within door 8 rather than just serving as an extension of Michel’s. One thing that’s really potentially interesting to me about door 8 is Giselle having to come face-to-face once again with the people from doors 1-3 who she had so strongly detached herself from and treated as supporting characters in the WHG’s story, to be picked apart from a distance as tragically flawed protagonists. I feel like the Maid was pretty clearly projecting a lot of her own feelings on to these people’s stories, using them to explore her own issues in a way that felt safer by framing them as “someone else’s problem” - so how does she feel seeing these people again, now that she’s self-aware enough to realise what she was doing? I think there’s a lot of interesting material to explore there.

With Yukimasa’s story, for example - before, as the Maid, she wouldn’t have been capable of articulating that her complex feelings about Yukimasa’s narrative and her wish for him to find happiness as Bestia were projections of the way she felt about herself and the way she also tried to find comfort in her own dehumanisation through a false narrative, because owning those feelings for herself would have meant acknowledging the fragility of her own coping mechanisms. But now that she’s started to come to terms with who she really is, I could see her having a lot of difficult and insecure reactions to seeing Yukimasa again, and having his story bring back Giselle’s own deep-seated fears that she’s fundamentally “not human” and deluding herself about her humanity in the same way that Bestia was. Of course, Michel would be there to help her talk through those feelings and remind her why that isn’t true - even as the Maid, she was still very recognisably human at heart - but I think that Giselle actually getting to talk those things out with Michel would go a long way toward giving proper narrative weight to her struggles and making it clear that the deep fears and insecurities she felt as the Maid aren’t just going to magically go away, the way they pretty much seemed to in canon. In the same vein, there’s plenty to explore with things like the Maid’s fixation on the theme of childhood innocence being inevitably lost with Mell and Nellie’s story, and her identification with Jacopo as someone who also tried to kill off his old self completely.

I think it would have helped tie the game together a lot better to have Giselle’s own resolution running parallel with that of the three men in this way, that seeing them being able to reach a more positive conclusion would help her to feel a bit less hopeless about her own story as well - as well as to start to see herself as her own person again, whose story doesn’t have to mirror theirs in the first place. In my ideal version of door 8, I kind of see working through their resolutions as a process of letting Giselle free herself from defining herself by these stories and from the story of the mansion’s curse as a whole, to be able to start to see herself and those around her as real people with real agency rather than as actors in a doomed, unavoidable tragedy.

But I also feel like this scenario has all kinds of potential in terms of allowing Giselle to maybe be able to reframe some aspects of “how she’s changed” in a more positive way, and to see some of the Maid’s characteristics as genuine strengths that she can draw on as well - the ability to emotionally detach from a situation and critically evaluate people and their relationships from afar can be legitimately useful in some situations too, you know? So I’d really like to have seen the Maid’s worldweary cynicism and piercing insight into people’s flaws get to be played as a strength at times, as an important complement to Michel’s lack of experience and knowledge about the world and people, rather than just a shameful phase that she has to move on from. (I think I’d definitely have liked that dynamic a lot more than the “Aww, Mell is like our best friend! We can definitelytrust him!” nonsense that canon pulled, which was just ridiculous. The Maid was absolutely brutal about Mell! Who is this person?!)

One part I really liked from the actual door 8 (and wished had been given more weight and expanded on a lot more) was Giselle saying after Mell and Nellie’s resolution that she felt bad for how she’d treated them as the Maid, sneering condescendingly at their flaws - but Michel responds that her story cutting right to the heart of their problems in that way actually helped him to fully understand them as people and how to help them, and that he couldn’t have done it without her. Making that into more of a fleshed-out arc about helping Giselle to reclaim some of the Maid’s attributes as something positive, not something she has to run away from, would have been a really satisfying resolution to me - there are absolutely real problems with dehumanising people and arranging people’s lives into a neat narrative, but there are also times that being able to detach and get that kind of overarching perspective can actually really help, if it’s done in a more balanced and self-aware way. I think going deeper into exploring this would have really done a lot to integrate Giselle and the Maid, and to tie together Fata’s whole themes as a story about people’s relationships with narrative in general.

Also, I would have really liked to see Giselle involved with the WHG’s resolution too! She spent 400 years obsessing over the WHG and defining herself in terms of the WHG’s story, after all, so I think it only seems fair to give her some closure on that and to let her play her own part in putting her to rest. Michel, Giselle and Morgana’s narratives are all connected together by each of their relationships with the WHG and their respective struggles with the pressure of the ideals she represents, so I think it would bring the whole game together nicely for the three of them to get to let go of her together.

So, I think that’s pretty much the outline of what I would have liked to see from Giselle’s arc in Fata! I hope this all made sense since I am kind of half braindead at the moment, ahaha. I would really love to hear your own thoughts about her too, though, so please don’t hesitate to share them if you can! I’d be super interested to hear your take on the character!

#the house in fata morgana

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xurkitips · 6 years

Text

On Conveying Personality Through Chatroom-style Dialogue

A friend of mine shared screenshots of a roleplay he was having via a Discord server, wherein the style was chatroom/texting based. Each character would have a different style of typing completely unique to their person. Though unfamiliar with all of them, I could see what their personalities were like

Like real human beings, a character very much so has a “voice”. I mean that both in the literal sense, through their manner of speaking and what they say, but also through their self expression, interests, and actions. This carries over into the digital realm in ways we may not even notice. Text messages may not be verbal, no, but there are ways to show inflection.

There are many, many ways to show meaning through text. Here are some that I’ve picked up and utilized with my own characters:

Sentence structure

all lowercase sentences VS Grammatically correct

Lowercase gives off the feeling of someone familiar with others or willing to become familiar. It lacks the tension of formal writing, complete with its capitalization and proper periods ending sentences, and feels very casual and approachable. It may also be a sign of someone who doesn’t care much about perfection, a lazy person, or an easy going individual. Seems like a lot of internet regulars prefer this kind of typing style.

“im dying

‘deafening horrorcore rap’ ok i listen to literal noise and idk what this even is”

Using a properly capitalized and punctuated style is very formal, like one would see in a book, an official email, etc. It’s more serious and stern than lowercase is and may imply an older, more mature person typing...or maybe just someone trapped on their phone at the mercy of autocorrect.

"I am always happy to see you, even if you are not feeling your best.“

“It's nice here.

Quiet.”

There’s a certain respectful steadiness to it as well. It can be calming to read at times.

Punctuation VS Lack of punctuation

End-stopped lines come with both a pause and a bit of a pointed and direct feeling. It strengthens both lowercase and grammatically correct styles, but in different ways. In conjunction with “proper” writing, it’s less noticeable, merely giving the reader a moment’s pause. In conjunction with lowercase, especially if the one typing isn’t keen on using periods, it can come off as stern, serious, passive-aggressive, or angry.

“whatever.

it's less excruciating than it would be without it.”

Removal of punctuation is a different story. Typically just shown with lowercase, it leaves it with that casual feeling intact, or like one’s sentences are more like quick thoughts or questions. Removing them from grammatically correct sentences does ease off some of the tension, implying someone with a more neutral-positive tone while still being more mature.

“I’m not terribly good with conversation”

And then there’s the run-on sentences from those who type small novels per response. Usually complete with multiple and’s. It’s a sign of nervousness, enthusiasm, or oftentimes a younger character...

“actually i don't know much about it i just happened to see something online and it's apparently only manufactured overseas exclusively for this one particular shop and they made the original design and initial product i guess”

Oof.

Proper spelling (or lack thereof)

The better the spelling, the more the likelihood of the person being older, calmer, or neutral. There’s also a sense of being well educated or careful about one’s typing. Perhaps a confident air may exude from what they say, too.

“Can you come help me for a moment?”

Those who make a lot of mistakes will simply confuse words for other words, forget apostrophes, or type too fast to notice things missing or in the wrong location. Some just don’t really care enough or are too tired to deal with it. Too much focus and people know what they mean anyway. Probably.

“i laug hso hard hes come runin

he thougt i aws dyin”

It can also happen in very emotional situations, in bouts of laughter, crying, rage, or when one is drowsy, medicated, or sick. It tends to stand out when one’s style is suddenly very, very different and tips others off to something being wrong.

Younger characters, especially kids, also make spelling mistakes all the time depending on their age, whether due to sounding out words or just in a hurry to reply.

Short sentence fragments, single words, and lengthy paragraphs

Sometimes people with rapid-fire thoughts, who are excited, busy, stressed, or angry, will take to quick and short responses (sometimes of many fragments in a row). These show a similar feeling as do lines of poetry. Stacking small fragments on top of one another adds emphasis. The reader has to read them one by one rather than as a straight sentence. On its own, the word or fragment stands out and becomes more important.

"well

yeah thats

what i was tryina do

but i mean”

I’ve seen it used used for storytelling from one person to another in larger chunks of things, quick responses, for poetic value, and in irritation or passive-aggressiveness.

In full sentence conversations sent in short bursts, it’s also allowing the reader pause to read each comment without it feeling like a novella. Though it can also feel like someone is obnoxious, rambling on and on as the notifications keep coming, or has a lot to talk about and keeps thinking of more.

Then there are those who type rather large responses all at once instead of hitting the enter key with every sentence:

"Whoever did it was quite thorough; either the power in that area of the lab was cut while we were distracted or they tampered with the security cameras, because that footage is missing. But, we have some theories now. It had to have been someone with direct access to the laboratory. I hesitate to place blame on any of my coworkers...they're all my trusted companions and friends! And yet...”

It’s concise and a solid, complete story in one spot. Could be someone who loves to talk, could be someone who didn’t want a response before they were done talking. It’s also commonly seen by middle-aged texters who want to say everything they can all at once.

Exclamation points and Question marks

Simple one here. Question mark for a question or confusion, exclamation point for emphasis or an exclamation. But when a person adds multiple to a sentence it can convey more of the person’s feelings;

“are you okay??”

Here is someone who is very concerned. Multiple question marks can imply things such as worry, stress, disbelief, and shock. There’s a sense of hurry and tension. Perhaps the person on the other end is frightened, easily afraid, or tends to have an overwhelming reaction to things.

“oh!!! it’s nice to see you!!!”

!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Meanwhile, multiple exclamation points convey much more friendlier, happier tones. Often such things as surprise, excitement, happiness, friendliness. Users typing !! as a punctuation (like I tend to do) may do it as an assurance or to show how thrilled they are to talk. Occasionally !!!! is tacked onto an angry statement to be more of a shout, but I see it less and less.

Chatspeak and Internet habits

Shortenings of words have been a regular thing for ages. It’s easy, convenient, and gets the point across quickly. But the internet has taken it to a new extreme, where sentences can be almost entirely compromised of them.

“wtf r u talkin abt?? gdi man idk wuts even happening rn”

A character wanting to be quick to respond, always on the ball, always involved, may be more likely to utilize and understand chatspeak. They’re the social butterfly of the group. It’s also a sign of a long-time internet lurker who’s aware of what the lingo is, and how to use it. A complete lack thereof points toward either an older user or someone who’s unused to social media.

The more memes, the harder someone is trying to fit in. Or maybe they’re easily amused or just absorbed things from their friends without thinking about it. The comedian of the group is going to know the best ways to use them.

Smilies and Emojis

:D D: :DDD // :3 3: >:3 :3c // :o :O O:<

These kinds of smilies have always struck me as the most friendly. Whether used in devious ways or with genuinely heartwarming intentions, the playful, lightheartedness of the user really shines through these.

"not a bad way to spend a lazy day :D”

“it's also my birthday :3″

It’s got just the right vibe to punctuate a sentence that’ll leave the reader feeling that the person likely means no harm or wants to be friendly, positive, or encouraging. I’ve met a lot of people that use these and turn out to be very kind or considerate people.

:), ;), ((((: and related

A long time positive, friendly smiley.

"You said you've known them a long time? I think they would understand. :)”

And yet these days I tend to associate it with passive aggressive statements, plotting, slyness, devious behavior, or anger. Older users may be inclined to use :) as a means to show their emotional state, but newer users seem more inclined to do the opposite. The more parentheses there are, the more upset the person, it seems.

“man don’t u love it when the power’s out in the middle of the night it’s just (((: really great thanks (((((:”

Then the ;) smiley comes off more specifically flirty and a bit playful. Doesn’t seem to change much there.

“if i find a good chance 2 hook u up ill do my best ;)”

The bane of my teenage existence. It’s a more old school sign of laughter, rarely seen in today’s world due to falling out of favor and becoming associated with, “LOL Rawr XD Tacos I’m So Randoom,” culture. But time to time you do see it. Mostly with sarcasm but sometimes with genuine intentions.

“xDddddDDD

It was a good joke. XD”

A character using it genuinely comes off more playful, and to me, personally, as an older person who’s genuinely unaware of the associations with the smiley itself trying to show how they laughed without using LOL.

Letter/Character smilies

Y’know, things like .w. and ._. or owo, where the letters or symbols make a face. These are fairly popular, it seems. I don’t like using them myself, but know a few who do use them.

"I'm sorry that they can be mean qmq”

It’s a different feel from the others. There’s something soft to it, almost a gentleness. When these or Japanese characters are used, there’s more whimsy. It’s cute and almost a bit feminine. It may convey an open person or give the impression that said person is easier to talk to.

Though honestly I can’t see uwu and owo as anything but heavily sarcastic. I’ll be honest with you.

Emojis

The first rule of Xurkitips club is that we don’t talk about Emoji Movie. Just putting that out there riiight now.

Used sparingly by most for fun and for emphasis. Characters may use them to be lighthearted, aesthetically, joke, or to make a conversation more flavorful. The use of emojis may determine a character’s personality; I find that characters who use hand emojis like 👌 are rather laid back, those who use 🙃 do it passive aggressively, and we all know what kind of person uses 🍆.

Then there’s what in common terms known as, “The DudeBro”:

[MFKNSTARBOI]: the thing i never undstood about hair is why people buy shampoo like regular soap not good enough for you LMAO 😂😂😂

[gostones]: .

[BIGDICKTOYOTA69]: what the fuck man

[ahogekun]: do... you not use shampoo

[MFKNSTARBOI]: aaaah you guys got sucked into big shampoo as well 😔

[MFKNSTARBOI]: When it comes to horses 🐎 the stars in the sky ✨ or just man to man no bullshit advice 👬 IM youre guy 😤😂

I think this one speaks for itself.

#writing advice #milo's writing advice #writing tips #CRY THROUGH😭💦💦THE PAIN😢😩😩BUT KEEP GOING👀💯💪THE HUSTLE 😈👌NEVER ENDS🕛🕧🕟🚫STUDENT ATHLE

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kangwei18053060 · 4 years

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Reflective

Reflective posts

Blog 1

It usually takes a dog, or a cat or some form of human stupidity to go viral on the internet. However, one of the viral videos doing the round of the internet was an old woman, frail looking, sat in a chair with downcast eyes. Her hands fluttered to the swelling music of Swan Lake. The text on the video told the viewers that the lady was a former ballerina with dementia. For someone, who has been hearing about the “power of music” this video reinforced that notion. It made me realise potential of music to connect with people and also head down the scientific or rather neurological route to find out the many ways that music plays a vital role in one’s memory. Auditory memory while being the among the first things we develop, is also the last one to deteriorate and as primal animals, we humans are so responsive to it.

Further research on this led me to new avenues and I was rather saddened to know that the ballerina in the viral video, Marta Cinta González Saldaña, passed away last year, the year that the now-viral video was shot. She resided in Cuba, went on perform in New York, taught ballet in Madrid, and in a nursing home located in Alcoy, she dreamt of performing ballet with elderly residents. The viral video has made her a viral figure and has also made headline in half of countries around the world. Tributes from other artists also poured in for her. I guess what lives on is the power of music and its effect on people.

Blog 2

When I sit down to watch a film, I tend to focus on the background score first and then on the narrative. But does this mean if I have walked out of a film with good plot but bad music? No, but during the entirety of the film my attention was constantly drawn towards the loud or misplaced music. This is why I hold Whiplash very close to my heart. If I am allotted only three adjectives to describe the film then I would primarily call it intense, followed by awe-inspiring and beautiful.

The film is about Andrew Neyman, played by Miles Teller, a freshman at college, who is an aspiring drummer and does not simply want to be good. I must say that I was initially undersold by the trailer of the film, as I thought it was about drumming. However, it is about how the extent someone is willing to go to become the best at what the do. The instructor, Terrence Fletcher, played stunningly by J.K Simmons, is willing to go to any extent to make their students great. This includes verbal to emotional abuse and also physical abuse. I think the film also presents the dilemma of whether Fletcher is just doing his job of an instructor or carrying out the version of this job. In doing so, he becomes more of a drill sergeant than a music instructor.

I believe one reason why this film interest me primarily is because as a someone majoring in music studies, the film trained my ear in picking out each piece of music in a thorough manner. Also, when I consider my interest in music therapy, this film seems to lie at the extreme end of it. Music here is not therapeutic but rather cathartic and it always makes me wonder how this piece of cinematic adrenalin shows the competitive and cutthroat world of music, which is something that not many consider when thinking about the therapeutic effects of music.

Blog 3

Quite frequently, music gets minimal amount of consideration in the present filmmaking industry, and it is not hard to perceive any reason why. Music is invisible in films. Additionally, not every person is musically inclined, and they might be so enveloped with the co-ordinations of production process, that music is actually pretty low on the priority list at this moment. However, it is important to remember the impact that a music director wants to evoke from the crowd during each scene and set aside some effort to give genuine thought to the central component of music in the film project.

It is possible to affect the audience visually, and it also possible to affect them audibly in what one lets them hear. However, when the visuals fit with sound in a meaningful manner, that is the moment when the crowds go from essentially observing and hearing, to really feeling. Think of the ominous music that plays before the famous shower scene in Psycho.

On the off chance that you have watched any of the classical films, you will quickly observe the presence of music at urgent moments in the story. There is a certain melodic extravagance that films of past ages had, that I lamentably do not see quite a bit of today. A ton of films used to have long basic credits, that highlighted the film's main theme, which constructed expectation for what was to come, and set up an air. Consider Alfred Hitchcock films, James Bond, and so on.

In the entertainment world, there is access to shading palettes, designs, rules, protocols and best practices for pretty much everything. Nonetheless, with regards to music, it is not generally that obvious. A filmmaker will must be the one to settle on the decision on whether the selected scene would be ideal with music. In some cases, even quietness or simply ambient music of the scene convey more weight than music could at that time, and this is something I learned during my postgraduate lessons need to consistently aware of during production.

Blog 4

This year commemorates the 250th birth anniversary of Beethoven and I believe this is an opportunity to reflect about a craftsman who endured and conquered uncommon difficulty. It is genuinely fitting that Beethoven, an artist who endured and conquered exceptional difficulty, would be so vitally associated with this year that brought unprecedented challenges to people all over the world. In Symphony No. 9, Beethoven expressed an expansive existential way of thinking that supported his faith in solidarity, resilience, harmony and euphoria. The symphony culminates in Ode to Joy, as it offers message of bliss, expectation and positive thinking that is genuinely needed during this year of pandemic. It appears in the fourth movement of Symphony No. 9 and it is among the most recognisable piece of music.

I have taken solace in finding stories about my favourite piece of classical music. Would you be able to envision what it might have been like if you are in your mid-twenties and steadily started losing your hearing, the one thing that is so desperately required for composing music? Obviously, such acknowledgment is decimating, and understandably Beethoven decided to end his own life however his resolute obligation to his aesthetic reason kept him pushing ahead as well as propelling himself innovatively more than ever. I am of the viewpoint that his loss of hearing brought about an internal creativity that challenged history and empowered him to rise above all limits.

I came across a research by the British Cardiovascular Society (BCS) conference held in Manchester found that listening to music that has 10-second repeated rhythm concurs a drop in pulse, diminishing the heart rate. Some of the recordings mentions in the conference were Va Pensiero by Italian Giusuppe Verdi, Nessun Dorma by Giacomo Puccini and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony adagio. While it is not a prescriptible medication (yet), the research proposes that these impacts are not individual, yet universal.

In the event that more proof affirms such findings, it could imply that similar kinds of tunes with comparable rhythms (like third movement in Beethoven's Symphony No. 9) may help in lowering blood pressure in each one of us.

That is quite impressive.

Blog 5

Over the couple of decades, music therapy has evolved into modern science. The Chinese culture have used music for medicinal for a long time. As I study at music from a technical point of view, I decided to find more about the traditional Chinese music therapy. For more than a millennia Chinese community looked for the privileged insights of the universe's melody and cadence. I have grown up hearing from my grandparents about music therapy being an aspect of traditional Chinese medicine. These two aspects share an interwoven and continuous relationship. Music, along with theory of yin and yang, and the five elements remain interconnected.

In ancient times, people thought Tao was the essence of music. As a child, I don’t remember paying much attention to this piece of information that my grandfather was so interested to impart. Years later, as a high school student, when I came across the concept of Tao, I knew better than to not pay attention. Tao is the changes in yin and yang, controlling the force of life, as well as the universe’ tone and mood. In ancient China music was divided into five tone that belonged to each of the five elements of Kung, Shang, Chiao, Chih and Yue.

What I found to be particularly interesting is that as per traditional Chinese medication, the five sounds compare to the inner organs. This hypothesis is utilised in various clinical diagnosis and offering treatment. Various sounds influence various organs. The hypothesis of the five tones frames the holistic premise of music therapy in traditional Chinese medication. The yin and yang related to Heaven and Earth are identified with the body's yin and yang. Taoists have consistently accepted that the human body is a little universe, and inward harmony can be influenced by external harmony. How profound is this.

As per the five basic tones, one can identify various impacts in the human body. For example, Kung-based tunes are grouped as noble, Earth-related, and influence the spleen. Regularly tuning in to such music makes one open minded and kind. Shang tunes are hefty, similar to metal, inflexible. This music influences the lungs; and successive listening is said to make one noble and amicable. Chueh-based music proclaims the onset of spring and stirs all life once again. This sort of music influences the liver. Tuning in to it makes one charitable and conciliatory. Chih music is profoundly emotional, similar to fire. It influences the heart. However, tuning in to it makes one generous.

Yue-based tunes are despairing, as peaceful as running water. They influence the kidneys. Tuning in to these tunes balances one’s intellect and gentleness.

As the ancient Chinese saying states "sad yet not hurt," and "content but not overabundance". While I do not claim that body ailments needs to be treated in the above stated manner, this is the way of life that Chinese music endeavors to pass on.

Blog 6

My secondary school-life revolved around two main interest: music and bio science. My adoration for bio science started with an interest in the functioning of human body. I once toyed with the idea of turning into a medical caretaker, but I feel nauseated when I am around blood. I wound up predominantly thinking about may be simply choosing other field in bioscience for my higher studies, yet something was preventing me from doing it. I knew I did not want to give up music, and I went beyond jamming sessions with my band after school hours. But I was not sure how to make that into a career. Last year of high school, I carried out research on possible options, and then I decided to pursue music for higher education.

One would have thought that knowing how to play certain instruments would have made my academic life easy but soon I learned my lesson. While being an undergrad is difficult, being a music understudy is hard. Between classes, theories, practices and schoolwork, one is kept unquestionably occupied. It was while I was pursuing my college degree that I came to know about music therapy. It grabbed my attention immediately.

While there are times when I questioned if I chose the right degree, I also reminded why I chose to study music in the first place. Discovering music therapy was an important point as it made me consider if I as a sound engineer I can curate or make music that intentionally incorporates therapeutic outcomes. I realised this more during the current pandemic situation where I found myself searching for music that would help me feel better during the lockdown situation. I decided to dig deeper and study the music as an aspiring audio engineer. While this is an ongoing side-project of mine, I think the outcome will help me attain my goal of creating therapeutic music later on.

Blog 7

Last Thursday, I found myself reflecting upon my own encounters in music as a study, and a seasonal guitar player. My thoughts mostly revolved around how I went from someone who thought they wanted to pursue bio science to someone studying music. Who were there to support me along my bending path? I wonder if other people also ponder about their scholarly and their support system? I think one of the common factors among all of my support system was they understood my belief of music lessons being something more than playing an instrument. Music exercises can be viewed as life exercises.

I must put a small disclaimer before I go any further. I cannot specify each and every individual who went to impact how music played an important role in my life. There are endless individuals who have empowered and shown me, including my previous and current professors. I think about my absolute first music instructor, my grandpa, who handed me his old guitar and when I was 10 years of age and taught me to play some of his old favourite tunes. I started to choose tunes and make melodies after two years, and I always count my grandfather as my first music instructor. I remember him as a sweet, kind man who possessed a charming little Shitzou canine who would drink up tea (with cream) on the floor beside the couch where my music lessons would take place.

My grandfather played guitar for fun and once I reached 13 years of age, my music interest began to diversify, and I wanted to learn how to play the drums. We started looking for a teacher and I had to look no further than my family. This time it was my cousin, who took me under her tutelage and gave me lessons every weekend.

I learned more in the years to come but my grandfather holds a special place as my first music teacher.

Blog 8

This year was quite revealing to me. Pandemic and my lockdown coping method aside, I found myself pursuing various interest, trying new things and found surprising thing about myself as well. One that I did not see coming is I would go on to enjoy gospel music in a therapeutic manner.

I found gospel music to have a relieving and quieting impact that influences the brain in a positive manner. It lifted my state of mind, and the verses have a method of elevating one’s spirituality to another level. I believe that at the point when the barbed edges of life are influencing oneself, gospel music can mellow those issues and water down feelings of anxiety. This is on the grounds that gospel music recognises the disappointments of everyday day life, and it gives the support that makes the listener easy to push ahead. The tempo of the music, the pitch play a significant role in it.

Tuning in to gospel music is not just entertaining, as it can likewise offer nurturing of one’s soul. Gospel music in general is motivational, fortifies confidence and spirituality, which gives a decent foundation to spiritual development. All through time, music has been related with the divinity. It has been utilized in religious practices customs to improve supplication and confidence, give a way to request, petition and commendation. Music can help individuals to remember their connection with imagination and eventually with the innovative life power.

While my religious beliefs do not align with the Christianity, I listen to gospel music as I find it soothing, minus the religious connotations, and it demands my whole attention. It engages me in a movement, and I follow the beat of the music as I follow the tempo and pattern and go through various mixture of emotions.

Blog 9

Internet is changing the concept and perception around classical music. I think of the duo TwoSet Violin when I think of this. I just spent an hour binge-watching their older videos. Set up in 2014, TwoSet Violin is an Australian comedy musician group who every now and the showcases the life of classic musician through YouTube videos. The founders Brett Yang and Eddy Chen were past members of professional orchestras in Australia. They established TwoSet Violin to fulfil their goals of being comedians while keeping music near their work.

What is not there to like about TwoSet Violin? Their friendship, their rigorous knowledge on the world and life of violin players, and my personal favourite making fun of violists and viola, all in good humour. Then later on I was introduced to Victor Borge, another acclaimed piano player who also makes use of humour and makes fun of the carefree side of musicianship by telling jokes and actual setbacks that occurred during his exhibitions.

What caught my attention to TwoSet Violin’s YouTube channel is the duo’s constant experimentation, and their parodies of life as classical music students. Very soon, I found myself laughing at Ling Ling jokes and “Practice 40 hours a day” saying.

As a teen thought the world of classical music was “all work and no play.” But TwoSet is changing the notion of classical music being a piece of high culture. For instance, the duo have played pop music in the style of classic musicians. Who would have thought Jingle Bells in Paganini style would be such an interesting experience? They also make light jabs as the tune’s simplicity. Besides their creative and funny content, I think the popularity of TwoSet Violin lies in the fact that they genuinely combine humour with the splendour of instrumental pieces and live up as professional musicians while also having a humble personality.

Blog 10

I created a pandemic playlist. Of all things that I did to keep me afloat during these testing times, curating a playlist was the most fun activity I did. I think perhaps there is certain truth to finding joy in little things. Without a doubt, this pandemic has tested the resilience of my emotional well-being. The lockdowns and remaining indoors prompted my increase in my depression and anxiousness. Not only this, but I was continually stressed over the wellbeing and security of my loved ones some of whom are frontline workers and are the preferred choice to treat coronavirus patients. My everyday routine had become monotonous and this likewise brought huge changes in my eating and sleeping habits. I caused me to feel like I had no control over my situation and heightened my anxiety. In the entirety of this, music acted as my saviour and it caused me a great deal to improve my psychological well-being. I made a playlist and I recently added some songs to it.

I call my playlist “Tanghulu” after my favourite Chinese sweet. These are my top 10 songs from the playlist.

1. Taylor Swift- Shake It Off

2. Black Pink feat. Selena Gomez- Ice Cream

3. Twice- Likey

4. Boney M- Sunny

5. ABBA- Dancing Queen

6. Escape Plan- The Brightest Star In The Night Sky

7. The Beatles- Here Comes the Sun

8. Namewee- Stranger in the North

9. KUN- Lover

10. BTS- Dynamite

While not done intentionally, the playlist reflects the theory of positive psychology. This theory has gone on to affect the discourse that surrounds the topic of mental health, while also providing significance ideas concerning the link between one’s mental health and music. I am not professing my playlist is the cure-all to end negative thoughts but this one works for me.

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krakenator · 5 years

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CHAPTER 9 aka “Let’s go lesbians!”

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally for The Property of Hate

Masterpost here

Melody and Julienne join The Party! A singer, a dancer, and an actor make a triple threat baby!

Though the true triple threats out there are the people who can do all those things. I would put myself as an example but said Real Threats are people who can do it all well

…y’know we haven’t seen RGB dance but… it would not surprise me. My god. That’s why he’s so strong. He dances

Maybe the real triple threat was the object-heads we met along the way

Still on that opening page though, have I talked enough yet about Melody’s dialogue? Because a glissando is an excellent way to convey and agreeable hum.

Wow parents really were right that tv would rot my brain look at this poor doggo

Yo yo yo that’s the snail from the Pool of Tears in chapter 2!

So all I need to do to get Inspired is to lick a technicolor dream-snail, got it

Oh damn it, it’s a bright idea

Ey the picture frame clouds are back. Wow they are moving fast- heckuva wind

Oh yeah and TOby’s there. Enjoy the view lil buddy

Looks like the armchair Hero slept in at the House of Paint’s become more realized as a What. Wonder why it’s heading down to/past the Pool of Tears

How often do you think someone in this world goes to, like, hang their coat only to realize the coat-racks missing and just go “oh damnit it went sentient and wandered off. Well. Inconvenient. But godspeed I guess”

So I know the ball and chain Hero’s fashioned for her TV guide (FUCKIN JUST REALIZED THAT ONE) is rolled like like a yarn ball, but my boat-brain looked and it and said “monkeyfist. Big ol’ monkeyfirst for swinging around. Throw RGB REAL far”

How is modmad so good at speechbubbles. RGB’s shaken text/box is hilarious. Melody’s notes are connected by a beam, she’s beaming

rekted for the 11th time in 4 days

This is a good opportunity to take a moment for me to appreciate modmad’s HANDS. RGB’s hands are always exquisitely drawn. Like, the third panel especially, goddamn. Second appreciation is how damn expressive RGB is. I gushed about my love for the wives designs last chapter, I guess it’s finally time for RGB’s turn

For having NO ACTUAL FACE the man is supremely easy to read as a character. He doesn’t have eyes, yet you know when he’s smiling for real anyway! Looking back at the first few pages, that’s SUCH a fakey-fakers smile to the genuine ones seen throughout the rest of the comic. Combined with his body language- just fantastic

And then! The drooling! The initial reason I wanted to do a more thorough reread was when I realized the colors correspond to emotions and whatever RGB is feeling most strongly in any given moment, those are the colors he drips. Which is! Fantastic! It gives yet another avenue by which to see RGB’s character and an excellent supplement when the man is, again, emoting with NOT-A-FACE

His antenna crack me up. They start the comic so straight. So ironed out and spiffy and like 3 days into his newest Hero they are chronically crinkled up like tissue paper. It gives him this impression of being completely frazzled at all times, which. accurate

Back to your daily scheduled TPoH though; eeey, Assok’s speech-texture has some black triangles in here for copying Julienne’s words!

Yikes. RGB’s tried to take Heroes back before huh. Considering he hasn’t given up on his “save this doomed world” plan after all this time, how absolutely/repeatedly disastrous was “get my friend back home” for him to concede it as impossible??

Aaaand we’re off to the races Market!

RGB: LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO!!

BIG DAMN SMOOCH! YES!! LOVELY! Also Julienne’s resting the blunt side of her knife on Melody’s head and I’m die

Melody’s dialogue is the symbol for a “natural” note. She’s replying “naturally, duh” to RGB’s question

If Julienne wasn’t already married to Melody I’d seduce that big instrument lady myself

Accept the compliment Assok! You did good!!

Random thought and back to RGB being stealth STRONK- Hero found the [—–] to be heavier than it looks and yet RGB is walking around with it all tied to one foot completely unimpeded

Im fucking snorting. The way RGB says “…that’s the sea.” Like he can’t believe Hero is being this dumb. If course it’s the sea! Obviously!

NO RGB, NOT OBVIOUSLY

D’you think if RGB saw how water and seas behave in our world he’s be equally bewildered as I was the first time I read this page

So I took the time to look up Julienne’s name and now im BIG MAD. Julienne is a way of cutting things into long thin strips! It’s a fucking culinary pun!!

Y-yo… that’s just a big damn eye.

AND/OR an impact crater. Except the ground they’re standing on wouldn’t be flat if that were the case

But it is also DEFINITELY a fairy ring, as the next page describes this is EXACTLY how fairy rings work

K so this entire page is just that one verse from “Cover is Not the Book”

Bruh. This looks like myelin sheaths on nerve axons. Myelin is an insulator just like [—–] is described to be! Except the metaphor ends there because myelin is supposed to be there and protects the axon/accelerates signal speed. Assok is basically chewing nodes of ranvier into existence instead of the breaks between myelin forming naturally. And that’s my degree put to use for the week

Also HEY. I had the thought earlier that the sick tree might be a Yggdrasil thing but didn’t put said thought down cause there wasn’t a whole lot behind it save for “big tree, big big tree”. But NOW it turns out there was a small SERPENTINE creature CHEWING AT ITS ROOTS

ASSOK’S THE NIDHOGGR

Everyone: RGB smart?? as if. RGB: EXCUSE-

absolutely huge mood there buddy

HEY MODMAD. TURN ON YOUR LOCATION WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT PAGE 162 FORESHADOWING HOW RGB BELIEVES THE SUCCESSFUL HERO’S JOURNEY HAS TO END

Hero is the flower that will die even though she’s saved the World >:(

“all flowers must die to complete their purpose” is also a funny phrase to be throwing around when Negative’s presence sprouts blue roses which shatter apart when he leaves

“Flowers need roots to live”, further implicating Negative as the (ha ha) root cause of the blue roses and vines. and we again see here, the flowers die but the branches they bloomed from remain

ALSO consider the flowers seen around characters heads when they dream/are asleep- those flowers also must go away when people wake up

Taking this a step further, Negative can be further associated with RGB’s subconscious/being unconscious by his flower-spawning

Lesbians Fight TV-Dad for Custody of Daughter

It’s “make fun of RGB hour” on TPoH and im living. Sharp, sour, cheesy poop indeed

Gotta remember to contrast this against when Hero actually drinks his colors later

gotta remember that this is 4 PEOPLE THAT RGB HAS FUCKED OVER BANDING TOGETHER TO GIVE HIM SHIT. LIKE, HE’S KIDNAPPED THEM ALL, HE CAN’T COMPLAIN

Under the sea, under the seeea~

Uh oh. UH OH THAT’S A SCISSOR BLADE

UH OH

Melody shouted in sforzando but it’s already too late ;_;

Oh! And the notation on top- that tells you to use a mute. God dammit

I knew this was coming and yet I am devastated anyway. goodbye my sweet wives your time was too short. Please come back one day

It’s also notable that Hate cut them out right at the border before the third and final protection on the Market begins. We know later that the darkness blots them entirely out of Hate’s view, so if they’d made it just a bit further She wouldn’t have been able to capture them like she just has

D’you think RGB knows exactly what’s happened to them?

If bodies of water are another form of Good Protection, then Fears hanging around the Pool of Tears is doubly weird

Yikes tho good thing Hero hopped off, can you imagine if Hero had gotten snipped away alongside her moms?? Terrible

Jeebs are you telling me that Hero would have eventually started to fade if she’d carried that pile of [—–] long enough?! RGB! BAD DAD! GET ‘IM HERO

Then again, this means he was probably planning to carry it himself most of the way. He has certain advantages after all- he overgenerates color for himself. It’s probably why he lasts as long in the storm of Nothing as he does…

Oh no OH NOOOOO ASSOK HEARD MELODY’S SHOUT

Is that-? Could it be-? By jove, it is. RGB IS INITIATING AFFECTION AND COMFORT EVERYONE! YEEEEEEAH, MAKE UP FOR THAT BAD-DAD BEHAVIOR!

HEY NOW WAIT THE FUCK A MINUTE THERE- BUTTERFLY SHADOW

HEY. Her schism’s opening back up! Nothing on page 166, but once Julienne and Melody are gone in page 167 we see it starting to open back up

!! RGB OFFERS HER HIS HAND? HIS PHYSICAL, ACTUAL HAND?? HELLO????

And the third return of “just this once” is killing me dude

Poor Assok get scronch

Girl what makes you think TOBY and JULIENNE trust RGB?! Additionally, why are you including Dial on the list?! Is he just That Charming?

IN FACT, every single person Hero just listed? RGB has personally ruined their life! he’s killed ALL of them! HERO I UNDERSTAND YOU’RE 6 BUT

Hero trusts Dial oh no. this can only result in bad things

Butterfly, flying off in defeat: goddamn fucking idealistic children making it hard for me to steal them away and end their story, come on! Dump the chump and let me end you!!!!

Back on that schism though- it opened up once they started fighting at the sun tree, and just now when the wives disappeared. I would say it’s ripped open by experiencing fear, but it definitely was not open when Hero saw Neggy Boi wrecking shop

Join me in the next chapter when our intrepid duo speedrun Pajama Sam: No Need to Hide When It’s Dark Outside!

#tpoh #tpoh time with Gill #the property of hate

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igutranslations · 7 years

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DI:GA online: exist†trace releases a mini album packed with messages they want to convey to you now! We discuss their enthusiasm towards their oneman lives in Tokyo, Nagoya, and Osaka!

Original text: DI:GA online Interview: Makino Rie

When you add together powerful instrumentation that can even surpass male bands, vocal prowess, and a live performance with a well-established reputation, you get the five member rock band exist†trace. After releasing their previous mini album “This Is Now” half a year ago, their new mini album “Royal Straight Magic” comes out on November 16th. These women have a lot they want to convey, so they’ve gloriously performed all six songs live. On January 9th, 2017, at Tsutaya O-West, they will be completing the final performance of their Tokyo-Nagoya-Osaka one man tour “ROYAL STRAIGHT MAGICAL SHOW”!

⁃ What kind of production did you want to create when working on your current mini album “Royal Straight Magic”?

miko: We created our previous album “This Is Now” with an image of beginning to reveal our band’s true face, so a sentiment of “this is who we are!” came through really strongly. After listening to those songs we heard a lot of your voices telling us “these songs gave me courage too!”, so I think we wanted to make an album with even more courage and energy, to give everyone a boost up.

⁃ Were you thinking about this when creating the overall sound?

miko: Rather than the sound unfolding in a “we can do this, and we can do that” kind of way, the sound can be summarized by going from “This Is Now” to “we wanna try these things!”. If I made one mistake, I think it’s that I possibly became too set in that. But there are a lot of various colours among the sounds we want to try now, and we had a sense of trying to do them our own way, so to speak.

⁃ What kinds of feelings were you trying to tackle on this album?

Mally: As for the drums, I was thinking I wanted to capture the live feeling. The phrases were like that, and I was putting a lot of emphasis on a feeling of speed. I definitely worked with the image of how it would be during a live in mind.

Naoto: This time I was keeping in mind my own taste, plus the kind of raw-feeling sound that was necessary to each song. Up until now I’ve tended to prioritize sounds that I personally found easy to listen to no matter what, but when I used the necessary raw feeling the songs this time demanded I think it worked out really nicely. I think it may have been an album where I was able to understand more and grow.

⁃ Mally, how did you sense this change in Naoto as someone in the same rhythm section?

Mally: I felt a difference in the emphasis of it all, with things like compatibility with the drum kick. I think it’s great. Although it’s way over my head. (Everyone bursts out laughing)

Omi: When doing the guitar phrases, I was considering the fundamentals of the lyrics of the song, and imagining the audience before my eyes. I tried to add in some change by using sorrowful phrases in more quick-feeling songs, but I also made an effort not to forget a playful spirit.

⁃ miko, on this album you wrote the music and lyrics for 5 of the 6 songs. How did you go about writing the things like the arrangement and guitar?

miko: The members had created cool arrangements for me this time, without me even having to ask, so we made less demos than we did before. So it was a feeling of leisurely creating songs while I thought to myself “I wonder what I should do?” Lately I haven’t been making intensive requests like “hey, listen to the guitar here!” or “here, listen to my song!” to the extent of how I used to either. I started writing songs thinking it would be best if I mainly went along with things like “I wonder if I should come in here?

Jyou: This time it’s been unusual in that we were performing oneman lives while recording, so I think songwriting must have been especially taxing for miko. There were a lot of times that we didn’t have lyrics until the day we recorded the song.

miko: It was really last minute, wasn’t it? (bitter smile). Jyou is really thorough about knowing the songs, so in a way, I think I’m Jyou’s number one fan. So I was thinking “Jyou will sound really cool singing these words” and “when girls hear her singing this they’ll definitely feel their chests get tight from emotion” (laugh). I was really agonizing over how to make Jyou sound cool up until the last minute.

Jyou: When I read miko’s lyrics, I understood, “alright, I get it, she wants to see this side of Jyou, huh?” (laugh). So even if we didn’t have lyrics until the same day we recorded the song, I never felt anxious.

miko: Also, this time there aren’t really as many twin vocal-style songs. I tried challenging myself with different kinds of chorus work. Up until now I would sing harmony with Jyou, or we would sing the same melody in unison, but I wanted to try more twisting choruses. While Jyou steps up with the melody, I step back. I think it was fun trying to create very detailed chorus work, and I wonder if I was able to get the sound to expand in the choruses.

⁃ Please tell me something you’d each like us to consider in certain songs.

Jyou: When you read the lyrics to “Psychedelic Black Night”, I’m expecting you to be a little bewildered, like “what the hell is a ‘psychedelic black night’!” (laugh). I was thinking, how should I cook this up? But I thought it was really interesting, like, “here it is, miko-ese!” (laugh)

miko: Don’t you think Jyou’s image is a little Takarazuka-esque? Easily singing at the top of her lungs is also part of her image, but I thought it would also be charming to have her sing with more forced effort.

⁃ You can hear a message to the fans in the lyrics too.

miko: That’s right. During a live MC Jyou said, “How much of the dark side of me should I let out?” and I drew my inspiration from there. You may live day-to-day pretending to be innocent, but in the unusual atmosphere of a live I think it’s good to expose things about yourself to some extent. I wanted to include the thought that a live is a place where you can meet your true self.

Naoto: Personally, I’d like people to listen to the beginning of “GET BACK”, and I’m also really happy with the hook in “Royal Straight Magic”, but the bassline for “Kimi to ame to himitsu.” (“You, the rain, and a secret”) is the one I want everyone to listen to the most.

miko: It’s so sexy that all of the members had chills during it (laugh)

Naoto: I’m extremely happy with it. There are a lot of bassists who would say that they want to create a sound that reverberates in women’s hips, right? I think this song does that (laugh). I definitely want all the women to listen to it.

⁃ Also, “Kimi to ame to himitsu.” is a really hot ballad.

miko: The song drifted into life while I was riding my bike to the studio.

Jyou: Is that the secret!? (laugh)

Mally: That’s kinda uncool (laugh)

miko: The times when I can write songs really aren’t sexy, huh? (Everyone bursts out laughing)

⁃ What about you, Omi?

Omi: I wrote the music and lyrics for “Yoake no hikari” (“the light of dawn”). It’s a follow-up to our previously released “Tokoyami no yoake” (“dawn of eternal darkness”), which I wrote truthfully about my relationship to my parents. I laid a lot bare when writing it.

Jyou: Since it’s packed with Omi’s feelings, the level of difficulty was different to lyrics written by miko. I was thinking about how I wanted to express Omi’s emotions by proxy.

Omi: You especially put a lot of emotion into singing the line “I’m here now”.

Mally: I wonder how I should answer? Hitting the drums at the beginning of “Psychedelic Black Night” feels really good. (laugh)

⁃ The opening of “Royal Straight Magic” is a really fitting intro, since it give the same kind of impression as hearing the song opening a live.

Naoto: Right! Simply because I wanted to make that part stand out, I really hit it hard. (laugh). I think it’s a song that’s really packed with that factor everyone expects from a live…. But the lyrics for “Sky” have a lot of parts that really stuck with me. That song has lyrics where miko didn’t restrict herself, and so there’s one particular part that stuck with me, like, “isn’t that kind of transparent?” (laugh)

⁃ “Sky” is an appropriate last song since it’s so forward-facing and positive.

miko: I’ve been using a lot of language related to “the sky” in my lyrics. It’s a motif I really like. But when I was writing “Sky” I was thinking, “So we’re floating in the sky, but it’s totally different from before now. What the hell is this sky?” So I began by sorting out that image. I gave this song the ascending feeling of a jet taking off into the sky, and also a feeling of soaring up into the sky as you look at it. We as a band still have a lot of dreams we want to come true, so I’ll be really happy if people listen to it when they have something they want to try hard on in their everyday lives.

⁃ Also, the self-titled song “Royal Straight Magic” is like a symbol of the theme of this album, so it’ll definitely give the people who listen a boost forward.

miko: “Perhaps if you turn over the next card, a miracle might happen. If there’s that hidden possibility, then I want to challenge myself!” I put that kind of feeling into writing it.

⁃ Is it also like having a “royal straight flush” in poker?

miko: Exactly. A royal straight flush is when you have a full set of 5 cards to make the strongest combination. I think that exist†trace, with a complete set of all 5 members, can make magic happen too. Now those words are really fitting for our band, so I thought they’d also be perfect for the album title.

⁃ Your Tokyo-Nagoya-Osaka oneman tour final will be held on January 9th, 2017, at Tsutaya O-West, right?

miko: Because we were so intensely recording our new album during our November taiban tour, when turning towards our oneman tour I think we can make our songs grow together with our fans. I’m thinking at the tour final that exist†trace and our fans can see some magic awaken with a bang.

Omi: Since our songs really shine live, I want to have fun growing our songs together with everyone, like miko just said. Even if you’re alone with the lyrics to the songs, I hope we can send our words to many people’s hearts.

Naoto: We’ve put a lot of songs with fresh colour into our set list, so it’ll be fun to see what kind of things we can show you from now on.

Mally: We are expressing our “now” to you, but in addition to that, I want to do a live performance that perfectly shows you the future too. I want to be hopeful for our future, and be able to show our hopes even more clearly at our lives.

Jyou: We have a lot of songs that we can sing and scream together, so I definitely want you to listen to our new album and remember it for when you come to see us. And I’m really looking forward to the “ROYAL STRAIGHT MAGICAL SHOW” that we’ll be making together.

#exist†trace #interview #royal straight magic

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aurimeanswind · 7 years

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Sunday Chats—Furious Edition (4-9-17)

Here I am, in a post Fast 5, Fast and Furious 6, and Furious 7 world. I guess let’s talk about it.

Relaxing Sunday & Your Name

To kick things off, today was the first Sunday I officially had off from work since Christmas. I had missed a couple here and there, but it was either because I was sick or because of PAX. So this was the real deal. I mean, I should take some weekends off every now and again, but I never do. I almost always work Saturday and Sunday, and it is pretty killer. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, thus me sharing it with all you lovely readers.

So I kicked off my Sunday getting up early and going to a nice matinee. I had heard good things about Your Name, an anime ass anime movie, and I’m still hungering for romance (as always) so I made the time to go see it.

I really enjoyed it. Above all else, the film is astoundingly gorgeous. Some of the best drawn settings I think I have ever seen in a Japanese animation. The landscapes especially legitimately blew my away. It’s a love story between two young folks, a boy and girl, who keep switching bodies when they go to sleep. The premise is really cool, and they make it cute and wonderful in all the right places, and there were twists, which in general I didn’t expect. But there were aspects of it that were frustratingly long to come to fruition. For me, this tactic usually works very well, but it was just the pacing and the way the two characters were introduced that was very confusing or just not to my liking. In the end, I just needed those romantic feels, and I feel like I never fully got that payoff. The way it goes is something that I’ve seen a great deal in anime, and has worked for me in others (see: Waiting in the Summer) but I just don’t think there was enough of that relationship.

I still really liked it, and feel it was a well told story. It was Ghibli-eqsue, but more grounded, so worth a look

Fast and Furious I guess...

Okay I’ll talk about Fast and Furious.

I have been really hesitant to get into these because it’s y’know... cars. I don’t like cars. I like speed and action that involves cars, but the focus on cars usually gets away from me. And the focus around them was definitely my least favorite part about the three F&F movies I watched. I thought Fast 5 was by far the weakest, and I’m not sure why it’s regarded as the best. The intro was too long, and the big set piece scene of dragging the safe around, which was awesome, just went on for waaaaaay too long.

It was still a ton of fun though. Way more love for Gal Gadot because of her role in Fast 5 and 6. She was super cool, and one of my favorite of the team members. The assembling the team, the heist prep, the running from Rock-Cop, all of that worked for me, but I just felt there was more of it and it was better in F&F6.

I mean, Fast and Furious 6, as I was explaining to a friend earlier, is top-tier because of this incredible scene alone:

youtube

But 6 really just hit the ground running and never stopped. The London chase scene, the fucking tank, it was all so good.

Oh and this:

And Furious 7 was really great too. It was maybe too much for me because I was so fucking tired watching it I was falling asleep, but these movies are incredibly exhausting, to be fair.

I appreciated multiple set pieces in Furious 7, instead of hanging on just one. Also to be fair: 6 had a bunch of great set pieces, but there were like six in Furious 7. It was fucking nuts.

I enjoyed them a ton, Fast and Furious 6 is like, far and away the best one to me, and maybe I’ll go see Fate of the 8. I don’t know.

BUT THERE. I WATCHED THREE OF THEM. I SAW THE FIRST ONE A LONG TIME AGO. LEAVE ME ALONE JOEY NOELLE.

What’s on Tap

Since it’s just Persona 5 still, I’ll talk a bit more about it. I am about 55-60 hours in now, and I feel like maybe I’m halfway through? Maybe more.

LOVING IT. Literally everything about it is incredible and feels almost hand-made for me. It’s difficult for me to not be hyperbolic about it when I start thinking about it, but it’s also difficult for me to nail down what’s really all that great about it when I’m not in it and playing it. Like, a couple days removed form the last time I played it, I’m sitting here thinking, “well, is it really that good?” and that’s because I need to hold this to the highest of judgement. I can’t just say it’s better than Persona 4 Golden and mark it as my new #1 and be done, I need to be thorough here. As soon as I am a couple hours into my next play session, I’ll be head over heels again. I dream about it. I think about it always. I couldn’t even tell you why right now because it’s all hazy. The game is just that good.

We talked about it a ton of the podcast last night, and I think we had a really great discussion. All the new mechanics, all of the enhancements, they show a team they just really gets their fans, their fanbase, and also understand their own shortcomings. They poured their heart and soul into this game, and did it both for themselves, but also for a fanbase they clearly care a great deal about. I don’t think I’ve seen a developer outside of Naughty Dog so in tune with what their fan base wants even better than I, as a massive fan of theirs, could have imagined.

Again, I’m sure its hyperbolic, but the game makes me emotional, gives me chills and misty eyes in all the right places, and as I’m still very much in it, it’s hard for me to write coherently about it. I don’t even know how I feel about it right now, especially considering I’ve hit such massive moments of intrigue just where I last left off. I can’t wait to see more.

Oh and we’re giving away a copy of Persona 5 on Irrational Passions Podcast! If you are in the UNITED STATES ONLY you can tweet @IrrationalPod on Twitter with the #PersonaQ with one thing you think looks cool about Persona 5 and enter a chance to win a steel book copy of the game!

Questions:

I feel like I conveyed my feelings on the series pretty well, but here are some other highlights:

When the Rock drops the Eff-Bomb almost right after he first appears in Fast 5 is great.

When the Rock throws that guy around the interrogation room.

When Vin Diesel just LIFTS A CAR AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT?!?!

The Paul Walker tribute was quite good.

The idea of Vin Diesel consistently having superhuman abilities is just generally really funny to me.

All the set pieces. The London chase may have been my favorite.

The movies are good, sometimes great, not amazing. But I’m glad I watched them.

There are so many. Morganna in your bag is a great call out. Watching the character’s faces change in scenes is actually really great. Ryuji’s reactions are great, and so are another character that you see later, that I’ll refrain from going into. All the touches and attention to detail in the Metaverse.

That one they drove from one building, to another building, TO ANOTHER FUCKING BUILDING.

I am 55-ish hours in. I don’t really like comparing the characters to other Persona characters. I fell in the same trap from 3 to 4. And I know these games are going to get a lot of comparisons, but honestly they are so different. It’s not as fair to the characters, specifically, to keep going back and forth comparing them. I think the way they develop those characters merits comparison, but maybe not the people themselves.

As for the best girl stuff... Listen, I honestly really fucking hated where all of the “best girl” “my waifu” bullshit with Persona 4 went. Not just because I think I got the brunt of it being a huge fan of Rise, but there is this weird ownership/dismissiveness to it. Like, I totally get, respect, and love the reasons people loved Chie, or Yukiko. I think by saying someone is best, even in a joking manner, because it all starts jokingly, can be a bit dismissive to other folks, and that was the stuff I really hated about the Persona 4 discussions I got dragged into. When people shit on Rise, who I legitimately love, again, my favorite video game character of all time, it honest to god hurts and offends me. Sure I’m probably being too sensitive, but Persona should be personal, it should feel incredibly close to your heart, that’s what that series is asking of the player and what its going for, so I want to really set a precedent for that going forward. Lead by example or whatever, and not make this some bullshit arbitrary competition.

I know that was way more agro a response than you were probably expecting Jacob, and sorry to get all intense there. Currently I have not chosen a love interest in my own personal story, and still have one female companion left to join the party (going off boxart alone, and what I’ve seen in the story) so I am waiting to get to know her. I’ll say this: my feelings are confused and all over the place. Figuring out where I land will be very hard.

Well, and I tweeted about it this week, I did apply for a recent editor position. This is probably my 6th or so application. In all fairness, this and my last one were probably my strongest, with the ones before being far more disorganized, but yeah. I tweeted saying “please stop asking me about it” in a (mostly) joking way, but I think it came across as a little rude. I obviously incredibly super appreciate all the support and notifications that came through from folks saying that the job listing was up and I should apply. I got a text almost the moment it went up from a friend letting me know I should apply. I’m humbled so many folks believe I’m qualified.

I just also know the reality that choosing from local San Francisco people as well as their own freelance pool will absolutely come first. I’m in neither of those camps, so it’s pretty much already shipped. And I do know these things, I’ve heard stories, I’ve poured my heart and soul into these applications before, and I’ve never once even gotten a call or email. I’m not trying to be pessimistic or dismissive, just want to set the proper expectation.

Thank you all so much for your support. I’m too lucky to have you all cheering me on.

Haha Persona games like really big long supernatural mystery novels! They massive page turners, which leans right into the mechanic of it being a day-by-day progression!

I’ll say this Logan, and you’re gonna love it when you get to it, but the characters are very smart. They sit down and have big discussions and conversations asking each other the same questions you ask yourself while playing, and even come to realizations you yourself may not have gotten too. Especially where I am at in the story, there is a kind of secondary mystery going on that is perplexing both me and my gang of misfits, and the conversations surrounding that mystery or thorough, explored, and just super well done.

Fuck. This game is so good.

EPCOT is super cool! For me, I’ve never really been there as an adult, and it only gets better then. I mean honestly, just walking around the World Showcase is super cool. There is food from a bunch of different places, beer and alcohol from there as well (if you’re into that Harold). I really liked Mission Space, but it’s pretty intense, I don’t know if you’d like it. They have a Green version that’s not super motion-y so you may have fun with that.

I really loved the Ellen/Bill Nye ride there, but apparently that’s gone now. Otherwise, just enjoy the setting, enjoy the food! It’s probably the most fun park to just look at, in my opinion. Oh, and the spaceship Earth ride is a classic!

I did not, but it was definitely immensely sad. It gave me a greater appreciation for Paul Walker and his work. They were running a promo on the Xbox Video Store, where I rented all the movies from, where a portion of the proceeds went to the charity foundation that Paul Walker helped start, so that’s good.

I don’t know... Like, probably the characters that just feel like big copies of the other universe’s characters. Like Firestorm feels like a cheap human torch. I know he isn’t and Firestorm probably came first or whatever, but one character just never felt as interesting to me.

I don’t think there is a standout disaster comic book character for me though.

How about all the characters from The Walking Dead, even though I’ve never read the comic and just really hate the show now.

Like a lot.

When I want to. When it’s time.

I had to look this up because I had no idea what it was. Seems silly and dumb. Roger Pokorny tweeted this out at some point this past week, and I thought it was fucking hilarious:

I believe it’s edited, but it’s still so fucking funny.

The Rock is so great. I realized this week that I don’t think I had ever actually watched a movie with him in it. Like, Moana does not have him physically in it, even though he is so good in it. But yeah, he is really the thing that pushed me over the edge to watch them. And Joey Noelle’s borderline harassment.

And the safe dragging was great, just went on for too long.

Yeesh. I don’t know. I’m probably living my biggest regret, and it’s probably in regards to finding love.

But really, I don’t know. Taking as long as I did to finish school? Getting sick in high school? I have a lot. Many my closest friends would say were “out of my control” but... That lingering responsibility really messed me up.

This is a great questions! Beignets is the answer. There was this local restaurant near me that only served beignets during their Sunday brunch, and they were so fucking good. It was the only thing that could get me to tear my ass out of bed on the weekend back when I was in grade school.

Then, suddenly, THEY STOPPED SERVING THEM. And literally no good reason was given. I know I could just go to New Orleans and get beignets any day of the week, but i don’t have that power or capability!

Ahg. Still makes me so mad to this day.

Shoutouts

Shout out to P Studio, for taking my heart.

Again.

That’s all I got. Sorry for the shitty shoutout this week, but I am tired from all my furiousness.

I’m gonna go crash now. Love you all. Love your support.

keep it real.

#persona 5 #video games #gaming #fast #furious #fast and furious #fast five #fast 5 #fast and furious 6 #furious 7 #furious seven #f&f

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