#for the longest time i thought happiness was something you could only spark in others if you experienced it‚ too.

[severepink]

Observing Adam

Where I go way too deep into something that probably isn't that deep. It's long, it's long as hell.

Okay, so you'd think with how Adam talks he's just a typical misogynist, right?

This man worships pussy. So much so, he's named a whole ass angel, one of his best, Vagina. You'd say that he objectifies them and thinks of them as being lesser, but I don't think that's the whole story. In fact, I think he might be the original simp.

All of these exorcists so far have been women. All of them. He refers to them as ladies or bitches interchangeably, he sees them as being completely capable of absolutely decimating leagues of some of the most vile beings who have ever existed, and they have, to the point it was only after thousands of years that there's been a risk to this hierarchy.

He's a self-centered, egotistical, loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to suspect something now.

If Adam and Lilith were created from the same dust, if they were created as equals, I am more than willing to bet... Lilith is also a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant asshole. But, she's likely far more intelligent, composed, and duplicitous.

Lilith was allowed to refuse Adam and leave of her own free will and garnered her own independence. A new wife was created for Adam, she was replaced. My guess, is she thought Adam wouldn't be able to live without her, to come back and find herself replaced entirely, she was enraged.

I believe both Adam and Lilith were both incredibly dominant individuals who fought over ideas, thoughts, and ultimately in the bedroom as well, if we take into account the creationist stories.

I'm willing to bet she likely manipulated Lucifer into twisting humanity against its original concept. What if Lucifer's intention truly was to just spark something within Eve, like independence and thought and creation, but it was Lilith's poison within the fruit that tainted her, then subsequently Adam, with sin.

Lilith thrived in hell, while Lucifer's dreams of creation were dashed. She didn't suffer as he did, instead the power of her voice grew with hell. Her voice grew so powerful that heaven found it to be a threat, her actions instigated the beginning of exterminations.

Charlie said that when she was a little girl, she didn't know Lucifer at all. I don't think this was because of Lucifer, he's seen here, picking her up, inviting her to share in his thoughts and dreams, showing her something wonderful. Something she could see within herself.

Charlie says that it's this moment that sparked her will to fight for her dreams. Which is strange, because at the very beginning of the story, Charlie says it was her mother's dream that was passed down to her.

Lilith took Charlie away. In this scene, Lucifer wasn't done showing Charlie his thoughts and dreams, he's still yearning to show his daughter these things at this point.

Lucifer loves his daughter. He loves Charlie so, so, so much. So why wasn't he allowed to build a relationship with his daughter for the longest time? He was waiting for the opportunity to get to know her, but with how much he adores her why didn't he do it sooner? He didn't comment on 'It took you a while-' he just said he missed her smile. They don't want to be pulled apart, again.

Now, we know Vivziepop has said that Lucifer and Lilith love each other, but Lilith 'wears the pants' in the relationship. We see all of the pictures all over the walls of a supposedly happy family. I don't think the relationship was as loving as originally portrayed and Lilith is a woman who desires control above all else. She likely tried to mitigate what influence Lucifer had over their daughter when she thought his angelic thoughts and behaviors became more than what she approved of.

Lets take it back to Adam and Lute for a moment. Again, Adam is a loud mouthed idiot, he's a jerk. The moment he realizes there are demons in heaven, he's ready to go on the attack. It's only because of Lute that he didn't end up doing something absolutely idiotic.

I gotta say, Lute and Adam's relationship is an absolutely fascinating one. He's a disrespectful dick head in how he talks, but how he acts is a different story. He allows Lute to man-handle him. He does listen to her, even if he's a whiny bitch about it.

Look at him, this is the face of a man listening, a dumb one, but a dude listening all the same. He doesn't manhandle her back, he doesn't even pull away until she lets go of his collar. Of all the shit he complained about, between being grabbed and being told what to do, his biggest complaint is that she's telling him to shush.

We know that Adam is the one who suggested the exterminations to begin with, so Sera says, and this was because of the power that Lilith was amassing. To him, Lilith is a threat. Even when he was willing to move on, to go to another wife when Lilith didn't want him or want to submit to him (fair babe, he's a bit of an idiot), she came back with an angel and proceeded to manipulate his new wife Eve. This is the supposed progenitor of man-kind, the original dick (hilariously enough), the reason civilization even exists at all. He and Eve had to fight for their lives after being tempted with the fruit. They had immortality, they had no ideas of shame, they were supposedly 'innocent' creatures before Lilith and Lucifer came along. He and Eve had to fight tooth and nail to survive after being cast from Eden. I think it shows in how willing and ready he is to take lead and do what he believes needs to be done, now out of a need for entertainment rather than a need to defend or protect. But, he still stopped to listen to Lute's advice. In the mythological story of Adam and Eve, Adam is the one who has to tell Eve that god said don't eat the fruit. Eve never heard god speak to her, so she was vulnerable to the snake's manipulations. She will now die because she ate it, and because she did not want Adam to take another wife, convinced him to eat it unknowingly. Funnily enough, Adam tried to explain to god that 'she lied to me and gave me the fruit' and in this actual mythology, Adam was punished for listening to his wife. Even without mentioning Lilith in the original mythology, Eve didn't want Adam to take another wife, so when we consider it within the context of Hazbin Hotel, it may be likely that's how it went down. Eve knew of Lilith, knew that she could be replaced, and decided that she would take Adam with her.

I believe that Adam does and did rely on the women in his life to help him with direction. I think Adam knows he can be an idiot and is willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree with what he's hearing. He did listen to Charlie in the beginning, he just didn't believe in her, like everyone else and he, out of anyone there, probably had the most reason not to. Cain and Abel were his and Eve's sons, his own child became the first murderer. Out of jealousy, the same kind of jealousy that no doubt has caused Lilith to act how she did. Adam isn't going to have empathy for sinners. His family, his legacy, were filled with the original sinners. He probably had to kill his son Cain in hell during the first exterminations. What do you think he would have had to feel, if it came to be a fact that sinners could be redeemed? That maybe his son, could've been redeemed? Or any of his progeny for that matter? How did it feel when his sons, his progeny, weren't given the same mercy as the Hellborn that Lucifer managed to keep protected through some deal with the angels or god? Not to mention that Charlie could've been his daughter. Charlie is the product of the people who completely and totally destroyed the paradise he'd been born into. She's the daughter who is protected and immune from the slaughter while all of his sons and daughters are judged and killed. I believe, even though he was a dickish prankster to Charlie, he was surprisingly patient and even somewhat amicable, willing to even ask her how her weekend was like he was just trying to get to know her.

Adam could just see all of the angels under his employ as being disposable. He doesn't have to name them, or think about them in any individual fashion. But, he knows Vaggie, recognized her instantly. Thought she was badass. Lute's the one who saw her, tore her wings off, and walked away. I'm surprised they even let her live, because this just goes against everything they're doing. They're an army and they saw one of their own showing empathy to the enemy.

Look at this dumb ass. He's being a shit-head, a dick, a bastard. But, he admires Vaggie's ability to pull Charlie, congratulates her, this dude isn't even judging her for being a lesbian. I don't think it's because he objectifies women, this dude loves women, he just does. He respects fellow vagina lovers. I don't think he respects liars in the slightest though. He's being underhanded, he's trying to be manipulative (he's not very good at it). I think he's brutally open and honest about everything and that's probably one of the reasons he's such a bastard anyways, because sometimes you just need to shut-up and he's not good at that.

I don't think he respects Sera for that either, he's more than willing to let others know what the hell he's doing, but under Sera's lead, he can't be open about it. I don't think it's his jam to act this way, it's why he sucks so bad at it and I think that's why Lilith is so antithetical to him. I also think that's why he's possibly even being manipulated.

It's kind of crazy that Adam is the only one who tries to come up with what allows someone to get into heaven. So here's his list: 1. Act Selfless: Maybe at one point he was! He had to have been, to be one of the progenitors of mankind, he would have had to work, sacrifice, and give to his wife and children for them all to survive. Eve would have had to do the same, no doubt. He may not seem selfless, due to his raunchy behavior, but he's served heaven since he's been there. He's served humanity in some kind of facet. 2. Don't Steal: Considering the only other humans are his spawn, he likely had to try and get them to not steal from one another for them all to have an equal opportunity of survival. He and Eve likely both knew they would need to work together to survive.

3. Stick it to the man: This, however, is interesting. Who is 'The Man' he speaks of? God? The only other people over him or were equal to him were women. He speaks like a rocker, and I think in this case he's using the term 'The Man' in a gender neutral way. I think he allowed some amount of Authority to Lilith when they were supposed to be seen as equals, it comes so naturally to him as a character when it comes to the other women he's been interacting with. I think she is the 'man' that he's been sticking it to- Pun somewhat intended. ((This third one may also simply be a tongue in cheek reference to when Alex Brightman played Dewey in School of Rock on Broadway! Thank you to the user who brought this to my attention!))

Adam is a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? He likes to fuck, he's made that abundantly clear. Full of lust you could say. It was his original purpose after all, and he is judging Angel Dust for something he probably would've done himself at one point or has considered doing (maybe not the having sex with men part). Angel Dust does all of these things, Adam doesn't even deny it. He even looks nervous. He's angry, but doesn't deny that Angel has done those things. He doesn't explain it away or try to lie or move the goal posts, he's just asking what is an actually very valid question.

Why isn't Angel Dust there if he can do things equal to what Adam himself hasn't done? Serenity continues that line of thought. It isn't until Charlie is realizing no one knows what it takes to get into heaven.

Adam is more than willing to let Lute take the lead here, he's willing to give her the stage to clap back, he's giving her back-up antics. By all means, they could be pushing and fighting one another, there could easily be body language expressing something other than their general comfort around one another. They aren't fighting for a spotlight like you'd expect Adam to try and do considering his egotistical attitude.

Adam fucking sucks at keeping his mouth shut and he sucks at lying. He nearly blew the secret out of the bag once, this time, Sera is the only one who tries to stop him and to be honest? Lute looks a bit too thrilled at it. He knows he fucked up, but he doesn't think it's a big deal that anyone would know. For fucks sake, they've already condemned souls, his progeny, to suffer. What's the big deal if he kills them?

I have to re-iterate what's happening here. Charlie is proud she caused this chaos, that she caused these angels to fight amongst themselves, even if in this case it's a good thing. But, this is like history repeating itself to Adam, the reflection of his ex-wife, entering his domain, causing strife among his people, being happy about it.

And the venom he expresses when it comes to the 'liar' portion, god Alex Brightman destroyed when he got to this portion specifically. There is some vehement disgust in his tone when he says liar.

Adam isn't a good person now. But, I think he used to be a good person. By all means, Adam himself could've been the first murderer when his wife made her mistake. He, at one point in time, had to have been good enough to foster civilization itself with Eve. Both good and bad. Adam's original purpose was to be fruitful and multiply. Ordained by god (or maybe just angels) himself, divine power directed and created him to fuck. He didn't chase his ex-wife down, he was given a new one, Lilith was allowed to leave. When he left things alone, when he tried to move on, his ex-wife and a scorned angel destroyed the paradise he was in with Eve. He had to struggle and toil, he had to feel shame in his own body. He had to find out his first born son was the first murderer. His second son killed. We don't know if this is going to be canon in the story, a lot has changed, and if Adam is the first soul who reached heaven, then what did happen to Abel? Was Abel considered a sinner? Or did Cain kill Abel after Adam had passed? Either way, he had to witness his children kill, he had to watch his descendants behave in a range from saints and monsters. He's seen genocides, he's seen famine, war. Adam is desensitized to the plights of his descendants. Maybe he even saw it as a duty to cleanse the universe of their existence at one point, because they were his responsibility.

At the end of this episode, he is properly scolded by Sera and does seem ashamed of himself. He isn't huffy, he is reminded that he should be ashamed of acting that way.

I love Lute's enthusiasm, she's absolutely brutal when talking about Vaggie and with how she handled Vaggie. I think it's funny that Lute is so brutal she's even made Adam uncomfortable. It's cute that he's made uncomfortable by the excitement and all he does is tell Lute, the premier hype woman over here, to chill. She's so proud of herself too, look at her.

He fully expects these exorcist bad bitches to go in there and fuck shit up. But, you know it's hilarious that he's throwing horns? This dude, this angel. First human soul in heaven, loving rock n' roll, the devil's music, and throwing motherfucking horns. It's poetic really. I think we can probably assume where things are going.

Now, this is the first point we've seen Adam being a real piece of shit to Lute. I don't think Adam likes it when people think he's too dumb to notice something, especially something so damn obvious. This is such a drastic moment of vitriolic, uncontrolled anger directed towards Lute. Adam knows he isn't the brightest tool in the shed. He likely knows he's obtuse and misses shit. It's why he sucks at lying, he knows he's not smart. That is why I think he's afforded women opportunities to direct him without fighting back against their advice and their choices. I'm sure Lilith made it obvious how dumb she thinks Adam is. I'm wondering if this might be where their ground breaking fight might've come from. Who's to say he didn't allow Lilith to take the lead, or listen to her like he's done with Lute here and now? Perhaps to an even greater point? He listened to Eve and ate from the fruit of knowledge and he was punished for it. Being seen as so dumb he can't formulate a simple fact is a sore spot for him.

Adam is incredibly powerful. It took a bit out of him to exercise that power, probably because he's out of practice just like Lucifer said. At one point, he probably wasn't so sloppy and weak willed. He's gotten lazy. Sloth like.

I think it got real personal here. How viscerally and personally he attacked Charlie. No one but Charlie truly thought sinners could be redeemed, or that they were even worth it. Not even one of the original sinners. Maybe he never considered the possibility, maybe what happened really did make him see the world as black and white to cope with that happened to him, his wife, his children. Charlie's desire to fight this idea would destroy the foundation for all of his coping through the years. He stopped seeing them as family, even though he's grandiose about his founding role in humanity. Does that itch the guilt that may lurk under the surface?

I don't think Adam thought much of Charlie at all. I don't think he had any intention of coming to kill her in the beginning, despite seeing her, despite who her parents were. But, I think with the constant push, with how eager she was to disrupt the pre-conceived idea of order, it reminded Adam and reflected her parents so much, he was eager to kill her for revenge against them. I think this electrical interference on the mask is a direct reflection of sin. Namely, wrath, in this moment.

Now, this. THIS. Is something that made me want to write this whole fucking essay. Is Lucifer implying that he not only gave Eve the Fruit from the tree of knowledge, but FUCKED HER TOO? Homies, I'm sorry but holy shit. That is some hydrating tea. I'd be pretty pissed too, fucked over twice by women who were supposed to be literal soul mates, who you were made for, who were made for you?

I knew he would have a goatee, I could almost hear it. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for how he looks. I think he's hot. He is a bastard, but so are a lot of the hot dudes in this show. It's just a theme.

This exact series of lines prompted so many of the thoughts that I had about Adam and why he thinks or acts the way he does. At one point, Adam did have to work himself to the bone and learn to survive from scratch alongside Eve. He isn't entirely without cause to not think that he deserves some respect or recognition from his descendants.

But, that doesn't give him the right to act like god himself. It's... well... Blasphemous. Isn't it? One of the worst sins is to think yourself to be worthy of worship, as if you're a god.

This is the moment that gave me empathy for them both. You could probably see the kind of loving person Adam could have been at one point with how he looks at Lute, even as he's laying there, dying. He's not crying like a bitch, just looking at Lute softly. Lute screaming for him, screaming his name. They cared for each other deeply.

And this... and this.... and this. WHAT DEAL DID YOU MAKE, LILITH? Did you make it with Sera? Did you make it with Adam? Did you make it with Lute? Did you really just want a little 'vacay' away from the hell you helped create? Left her husband, depressed and lonely. Left her daughter without any care or guidance. Maybe Alastor was sent in her place, perhaps? Seven years since he was seen after all, but why wouldn't he show up sooner if Lilith did care? Did she make a deal with Lute and Adam? Did she let Adam smash it so she could stay in heaven? Did Lute let her stay in exchange for getting Adam out of a position of power? Or was it maybe Sera who commissioned Lilith with a deal? Either way, I'm in full belief that it wasn't Adam's idea to move the extermination day up. I think he's a patsy, a scapegoat. I think Lute may have been manipulated, potentially, into manipulating Adam into this position. Was it even really Adam who came up with the idea to do the exterminations? Or was he the one who simply decided to fight originally because he was told heaven was at risk due to Lilith's rising power? The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. I think it could be any number of these. Either way, Lute certainly does think she had authority over Lilith. Is it Lute just having hubris? Or is Lilith truly bound, just like Alastor, Husk, and Angel Dust?

Of course, now that we know a soul can be redeemed... and we certainly know that angels can fall. I don't think this will be the last we see of Adam.

[wheelsup30]

Illicit Affairs (Aaron Hotchner x GN!Reader)

[note: MORE ANGST UPON YE. also can u tell im on a tswift kick?]

cw: angst with a happy(?) ending, gn!reader, reader's gender isn't specified.

word count: 1k

Inspo: Illicit affairs - taylor swift & peace - taylor swift

“I have to go.” 

It was like clockwork. You'd meet, spend a few hours together, then he'd go and the next morning you'd have to look him in the eye at work like this wasn't breaking your heart.

This time, you decided to push things.

“Why? Who's waiting?” You ask, obviously pointing out the fact he wasn't married anymore and hadn't been for quite some time. The divorce had happened months before the first time the two of you did this routine, so why exactly was it he had to leave so soon?

He’s silent for a moment, then deeply exhales. “No one. But I don't have my go-bag if we get called.” 

A spark of irritation fizzles through you, so you push harder. “What, you can't go get it on the way?”. It's clear by his face he doesn't want to have this talk, and another sigh rolls out of his nose. It was typical really, he only ever wanted to have the good stuff with you, no discussions that might require actual use of his brain cells. To him, you were supposed to be easy, just a way to relax after work that he didn't have to stress over.

Of course, he was more than aware of how unfair that was- you were a human being with very real feelings, reciprocated ones, even. But after Haley he just wasn't ready to focus on anything but Jack and work…which was made difficult by the fact you were work. You were there every day, giving him that hurt puppy dog look that broke his heart a little every time he saw it. Those eyes only made him push you further away, though, so you'd resigned to only allowing them when you thought he wasn't looking (He could never take his eyes off you, though you had no idea that was the case.).

“Can we not do this tonight?” Aaron asks, and you’re startled by the weakness in his voice, by the tightness that was building to a crack. Looking up at him, you can see his eyes glisten in the lamp light, an even more startling reaction to your nagging questions.

“Are you-...are you crying?” You ask in a whisper, worry knitting your brow and bringing a frown to your lips. “Aaron, hey-” 

He tries to shy away, but you don’t let him for once. You pull him close and wipe his cheeks, still concerned about how out of nowhere this reaction is from him. “I just want you to stay, what’s going on?” 

It’s silent for a long while, you assume he’s collecting his thoughts and calming down, so you just keep one hand on his shoulder and the other on his arm to ground him. Five minutes pass before he can look you in the eye, and when he does your heart shatters. The tears just won’t stop. As he falls into your arms, you rub his back and try to push through the confusion at how fast things changed emotionally. “What is it, Aaron…? Honey?” You ask softly, moving so he can sit next to you on the bed.

“I wanna stay-” It’s a little difficult to make out with the tears and the fact he has his face pressed against your shoulder, but you hear it. “I wanna stay,” He repeats “But that makes it real.” 

Time slows, and the cogs start to turn in your head. Losing Haley twice over must’ve been the worst heartbreak he’d ever experienced, and she wasn’t in the field. You are. Sure, that means you’ve got each other’s backs, but it also meant your lives were on the line daily. Sure enough, he finishes your train of thought for you.

“I can’t lose you.” 

You don’t even try to say he won’t, because you know he might. Every time you step out of the bullpen and into the field there’s a target on your back, and you’d be a fool if you tried to ignore that. But was that really a reason to break each other's hearts?

“You might.” You say stiffly, running your fingers through the longest parts of his hair. “But if you keep this up, you’ll lose me too.”

It was something you wanted to let hang, so you did. One hand still running through his hair as you watched him process it…he was tired, you both were, the case you were on right now was one of the worst and was only devolving more. What would usually have been an irritating question with snide comments had become the final straw. Unwittingly, you’d broken him. Eventually, he looked up at you from where he was leaning, and your heart broke. He didn’t have to speak for you to know how he felt. 

“I know…I know it’s scary. I’m terrified.” His bottom lip trembles slightly, and you think about how you’d fight people tooth and nail to never have to see him so upset again, about how it gripped at your chest and stung your eyes every time you took in a breath. “But we can be scared together.”

There was no way to fix this, not alone, but therapy wasn’t something to bring up right now. Right now, the man in your arms clearly needed comfort and support, and that’s what you gave him. Hours pass with him half-cradled in your arms like a child, and eventually you wake up next to him, the pink light of a sunrise flushing his cheeks just like his own heartbreak had the night before. It was odd, seeing a man you knew to be so strong completely relying on you for stability, but at the same time it felt right. If Aaron needed a rock, that’s exactly what you’d be, there was no question he’d do the same for you in a heartbeat. This wasn’t going to be easy, you’d have a lot of explaining to do to the team and your families, but you’d do it together.

Afraid, but in love without denial.

[ninebluehearts]

Hi so I was reading some of the stuff you wright (which btw it’s all freaking amazing) and I was wondering if you could do a Joel x ftm reader where they were dating before the outbreak and then the outbreak happens. the day Joel and Tommy got separated Joel thought it would be best if reader went with Tommy (due to what happened with sarah thinking he couldn’t protect him and he doesn’t want to loose the only other person he loves) be safe even though Joel and reader were both heart broken reader agrees. Later on when Joel gets to Jacksonville Ellie all ready know all about reader so after Joel hugs Tommy reader yells out his name and they hug for a long time crying and just happy to see eachother. Little bit later reader find out about Ellie being infected and Joel and Ellie get scared (mainly Joel) that reader isn’t going to like that but instead reader asks her how long she’s been infected and Ellie tells her however long and reader says something along the lines of ‘ longest I’ve ever seen a kids last but hey try being infected for 2 years’ and Joel and Ellie are both confused and I just turns out reader is infected I really wanted to ask you cause I like the kinda touch or spark you add to your fics!

Sure thing, my love!! I love this idea so much tbh 🤌💗

Warnings(MDNI): Some smut, violence, miscarriage (pig, not human though), just proceed with caution :)

-------------------------------------------------------

"I'm home!" Sarah called out, taking off her muddy boots before she made her way into the kitchen, where you were already working on making her a snack.

"Hey baby! How was school?"

"It was alright, I guess. Mrs. Addison was talking about predicates again." She plopped down onto the barstool across from you, setting her backpack on the seat beside her.

"Speaking of, did you get a grade on that homework we worked on the other night yet?" You asked as you slid a plate of fruit towards her, all of them cut into many different shapes, though stars seemed to be the most common.

"Yeah, I got a ninety-two." Sarah tossed a piece of kiwi into the air, catching it with her mouth.

You huffed, your hands coming up to rest on the curve of your hips. "How? Which one's were wrong?"

Sarah's lips began to curl up into a slow smirk. "Now, I don't get to say I told you so very often. But..."

"Nope." You began to pull dishes from the sink, organizing them onto the counter beside you as you filled the sink with hot water and dish soap. "I know for a fact that the answer wasn't B."

"So, you're saying Mrs. Addison is wrong?"

"Yup."

"The same woman who's been teaching English for twenty something years?"

"Yup."

Sarah shook her head, chuckling as she began to pull her homework from her backpack. "Did Dad say what time he was gonna be home?"

"I think he said around seven, but you know how your father is." You said, scrubbing at a stuck piece of food on a plate with your thumbnail.

Sarah simply nodded, eating another piece of fruit from her plate before gently pushing it to the side, replacing it with her pre-algebra workbook.

You always loved how easily you and Sarah could work around each other, both of you working on completely different tasks, though you could still enjoy each other's company.

You and Joel had been dating for over three years now, and though that may not seem like a very long time, you were still very much so considered family all the same. Sarah called you Mom and Tommy liked to call you 'sis' every now and then.

You knew that Joel was a little nervous when it came to the topic of marriage. Things didn't end well with Sarah's biological mother, and he didn't know if he could go through that again with you. Though with his not-so-subtle hints, you had a feeling that would all change soon.

-

It was nine when Joel came home.

Both you and Sarah were curled up on the couch together, the end credits of Breaking Dawn part one rolling down the TV screen before you.

Joel gently hooked his arms under Sarah's back and under her legs, successfully detaching her from your embrace without waking her up. You on the other hand, woke up with a start, immediately reaching out for Sarah.

"Shh, I've got her." Joel whispered, smiling at how possessive you were over her.

You simply nodded, a yawn taking over once you relaxed.

Joel disappeared upstairs for a moment, leaving you to pick up the dinner mess you and Sarah had left on the coffee table and in the kitchen. As you began to wash the small load of dishes in the sink, you felt familiar arms wrap around your waist, causing you to jump at first.

"Jesus Joel! I didn't even hear you come down!"

Joel chuckled into the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath as he molded his body against yours. "You're cute when you get scared, you know that?"

You shook your head, placing a dripping plate into the rack beside you. "You're late, my love."

"I know."

"Again."

Joel let out a long groan, pulling away from you so he could lean against the counter next to you instead. "Chris gave us the wrong parts again. I swear to God, Tommy nearly kicked his ass. Fucker had a vein popping out on his forehead and everything."

You both laughed at that, soon allowing small talk to take over as Joel helped you clean up the rest of the kitchen. You soon both fell into your same old routine: Joel showers while you do your skin care, you both brush your teeth together, then Joel picks you up bridal style, carrying you to bed.

"Do you have to do this every night?"

"Damn right I do." Joel suddenly dropped you on the bed, climbing on top of you in an instant. "Why? Do you want me to stop?"

You shook your head, slipping your fingers into the damp waves that were Joel Miller's hair.

"Good." Next thing you knew his lips were on yours, his hand haphazardly reaching over to turn off the lamp, knocking over a couple of books and a tissue box in doing so.

-

The next morning you stared at Joel's sleeping face with a smile, taking in every detail; every wrinkle and scar. He was truly the most beautiful man you've ever seen.

The way the streak of morning sunlight lit up his features made butterflies erupt in your stomach, making it nearly impossible for you to not reach over and touch him. You brushed a strand of his hair away from his eyes, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his nose.

You watched as his eyes fluttered open, a look of confusion that quickly turned to lust crossed his gaze. "G'mornin' baby doll." He slurred, sleep evident in his tone.

"'Mornin' honey. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you yet."

"S'ok. I needed to get up anyways." Joel rolled onto his back, groaning as he extended his arms out to stretch, soon settling back into a comfortable sleeping position once again, his eyes fallen shut.

"Hey." You crossed your arms and rested them on his chest, setting your chin on your forearms as you looked at him.

Joel hummed, not opening his eyes.

"Happy Birthday." You said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"Mmm, thank you, baby." Joel lazily brought his hand up to stroke your hair, brushing the stray pieces behind your ear. "I love you."

"I love you too." You murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. When neither of you pulled away, you sat up on your forearms, deepening the kiss as you slipped your leg over Joel's hip, his hand coming up to grab the back of your thighs, pulling you closer.

The blankets fell to rest on your lower back, reveling your upper half to the cool air. You pulled away from the kiss as you sat up, placing your hands on Joel's chest. "Want a preview of your birthday present now?" You asked with a smirk, gently biting your bottom lip.

"Damn right I do." Joel reached over and grabbed a good handful of your ass, shivering at the low moan you let out.

A loud knock sounded from your bedroom door, making both you and Joel jump. "It's seven thirty! Come on, I'm making breakfast!" Sarah called out, knocking on the door one more time for good measure before she went downstairs.

You sighed, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Rain check?"

Joel nodded, his hand unexpectedly smacked your ass, making you yelp as you climbed off of him.

"Don't push your luck."

"It's my birthday. I can do whatever I please."

-

By the time you got home from work, Joel was still out on a job with Tommy and Sarah was presumably still next-door, helping Mrs. Adler bake cookies.

With nobody home, you decided to take some time for yourself. You cleaned up the house, threw dinner in the oven, then headed upstairs for a shower. By the time you came back downstairs, hearing the ovens timer sound off, you walked in to see Sarah already pulling the dish out of the oven for you.

"Oh, hey! When'd you get here?" You squeezed your hair with the towel one more time before you draped it over a nearby chair, walking over to the cabinets to pull out two plates.

"Just now." Sarah pushed a container of cookies towards the top of the counter with a grimace.

You raised your eyebrow, finding it strange that she wouldn't want a cookie. "What did you guys make?"

"Rasin."

You nodded your head, a look of disgust crossing your own face this time. "Well, you could give 'em to your uncle. God knows he'll eat anything."

Sarah gave you a small smile, hooking her finger on the edge of the plate full of pasta and dragging towards her. "By the way, is there anything going on today? There's a lot of police out for some reason."

"I noticed that too! I'm sure it's nothing. That new mall opened up downtown, so it could be shoplifters again." You picked up your own plate before heading into the living room. "Come on, we've still got part two to finish!"

And with that, Sarah picked up her own plate and followed you, brushing off the previous conversation.

-

You and Sarah turned to look at Joel when he walked in the door, silently taking off his coat and dropping his keys in the bowl besides the door.

"You're late." Sarah crossed her arms, trying her best to seem firm.

"You're cute." Joel said as he walked by, ruffling her hair before kissing the top of your head, plopping down on the open seat between you and Sarah.

He went on about why he was late getting home again, mumbling something about the wrong sized headers as he took off his boots. "Ah, never mind. Doesn't mean anything to ya."

Sarah glanced around the room, raising her eyebrow. "So. Where's that cake you promised?"

Joels hands came up to rub his face, a deep groan sounding from behind his palms.

You and Sarah exchanged a look.

"Come on, man."

"I know, I know." His hands fell to his lap, fixing his gaze on her. "Look, I'll pick us up one in the morning. I promise."

"Swear? Or else you won't get your present."

Joel sat up, a smile creeping onto his face. "You got me a present?"

"Swear."

"On my life."

Sarah reached behind the pillow besides her for a moment before retrieving a small box, silently handing it to Joel.

Joel glanced at you with suspicion; you held up your hands. "I dunno what it is."

Joel opened the box to reveal his old watch, though instead of the shattered glass and dead battery, the watch looked almost brand new.

"I got it fixed for you."

Joel picked up the watch and held it against his ear, a soft look of confusion washed over his features. "Did you?"

"What?" Sarah grabbed his arm, pulling it towards her so she could examine it. Once she realized the watch was fine, she rolled her eyes, plopping back against the couch.

Joel let out a laugh. "Gotcha!"

"You're lame." Sarah said, all three of you laughing along.

"Where'd you get the money for this?" Joel asked Sarah, silently asking for your help to buckle the watch on his wrist.

"Drugs. I sell hard core drugs."

You rolled your eyes, giving her a disapproving Mom look.

"Better than what I do." Joel muttered, admiring the watch.

"It was only twenty dollars.. Which I stole from you." She elaborated once she saw the look Joel gave her. "I could've stolen sixty, but I put the change back because I'm an honest thief."

"Mhm."

"Besides, it's the thought that counts. You were never gonna do it for yourself, so.."

Joel stared at her, letting the room fall silent for just a moment. "Thank you." He went back to fidgeting with the watch; Joel was never amazing at showing his emotions, but both you and Sarah could tell he was grateful.

You nodded at the pillow behind Sarah, watching her eyes light up. "Oh yeah! There's one more." She pulled out a DVD case from behind the pillow, causing Joel to grab it from her once he realized what it was. "I borrowed it from the Adler's."

"Oh! This is the one with the deleted scenes!"

"Yeah, imagine how bad those have to be."

Joel handed you the case, excitedly showing you where it said ''deleted scenes.''

"Come on. Pop it in; we've gotta celebrate your birthday." Sarah said with a soft smile.

You got up and shoved the disk into the player, plopping back down on the couch when you were done. Both you and Sarah curled into either of Joel's sides, causing a wide smile to spread across his lips.

"Now, you guys can't fall asleep now."

"Of course not. It's too riveting." Sarah said, making both you and Joel huff out a laugh.

-

Of course, you and Sarah fell asleep.

It was midnight by now, both you and Sarah remained huddled up against Joel's sides, your soft snores buried under the screams from the movie.

Joel's phone began to vibrate on the coffee table, making Sarah stir beside him.

"Hello?" Joel whispered when he answered, trying not to wake the two of you.

You woke up not a moment later, Joel's conversation and the TV became loud enough to wake you. You listened closely, hearing Tommy's muffled voice on the phone.

With the way Joel let out a long sigh and the rambling on the line, it sounded like Tommy got arrested again.

"Okay." Was all Joel said before he hung up, mumbling a quiet, "Fucking idiot." Before trying to figure out how he was gonna untangle himself from the couch.

"Who was that?" You whispered, sitting up so you could stretch.

"Fucking Tommy got into another fight. I've gotta go bail him out." He slowly slid off of the couch, turning to gently pick up Sarah.

You silently followed him upstairs, opening Sarah's door for him before making your way to your own room. Knowing Sarah was asleep, you didn't bother closing the door as you got changed into your pajamas.

"I'll be back in an hour, okay?" Joel said from the doorway, watching as you pulled on a pair of cotton shorts.

"Alright, just be safe, alright?"

Joel gave you a quiet nod, which put your mind at ease.

You walked over and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "You know I love you, right?"

Joel pressed his palm against your cheek, kissing your forehead in return. "I know."

You both nodded, saying your goodnights before you made your way to your bed, hearing Joels keys jingling from downstairs.

Knowing he wasn't home made you anxious. You couldn't help but think back to the conversation you had with Sarah earlier, about the police and such. You had a bad feeling in your gut, but you had no choice but to push it away.

Nothing bad is going to happen. Everything is fine.

You repeated the mantra in your mind until you soon fell asleep.

-

Your eyes snapped open when you heard Joel scream your name from downstairs, his boots thumping against the stairs as he jumped up them.

You reached over and turned on the light, looking back to see Joel racing towards you.

"We've gotta go right fucking now."

"What? Why-"

"Now!" He grabbed your arm, pulling you out of bed and back downstairs.

You managed to grab your coat and shoes before you got outside, seeing that Sarah and Tommy were already in the truck.

Joel helped you into the backseat before he climbed in next to Tommy in the front, yelling at him to drive, though he was already stomping on the gas pedal.

"What the fuck is going on Joel?" You asked, sitting on the edge of your seat so you could see where you were going.

You watched as Tommy turned around in the yard, turning back onto the road. The headlights of the truck illuminated the Alder's yard; both Mr. and Mrs. Adler stumbled out of their home and towards the road, both of them covered in blood.

"Holy shit, Joel! We have to help them!"

Joel still didn't say anything to you. "Drive." He told Tommy, making both you and Sarah's eyes go wide.

Tommy hesitated for a moment, but then stomped on the gas, successfully hitting Mrs. Adler.

You held your hand against your stomach, a wave of nausea washing over you. Your ears began to ring, making it nearly impossible to hear what they were saying.

Sarah kept asking if you were all sick, Tommy yelled at the car that almost hit the truck, Joel tried to comfort Sarah and give Tommy directions. It was all such a mess.

You slid over a seat, wrapping your arms around Sarah to comfort her. You were both shaking, fearing the unknown.

"I've got you, baby." You whispered, gently dragging your nails along her back. Though she melted into your embrace, she continued to shake, her quick heartbeat thumping against your shoulder.

Soon you were in the city, where hundreds of people ran around the streets like chickens with their heads cut off; some were even covered in blood. Some seemed to be chasing the others.

Some were eating people in the streets.

You covered Sarah's eyes, refusing to let her see such a sight. It took everything in you not to throw up yourself.

Time moved by so fast it all felt like a dream.

And god damnit you hoped it was.

Tommy and Joel fought over where to drive to as crowds of people flooded the streets. And over all of the screaming, you could hear a quiet whistling sound.

Against your instinct, you turned to look out the back window, seeing a plane rapidly heading nose first towards the ground.

"Joel!" You screamed out, making Joel turn to see what was wrong.

His eyes went wide. "Fuck! Tommy, go now!"

But it was too late. The plane crashed into the ground with a squeal, making all of your ear's tense. That was the last thing you remembered before you blacked out.

When you finally came to, Sarah was lying next to you in the flipped truck, watching something outside of the shattered back window.

You turned to see what she was looking at; the sight draining the blood from your face.

A man was sitting on top of a woman, his mouth firmly planted on her neck, causing blood to stream down her collarbone and shoulders.

You recognized the man. He had come into the store this morning, telling you about how his wife had suddenly fallen ill with some kind of flu, you recalled.

"Sarah?" Joel called out, grabbing his daughters' hip. "Shit guys. Don't look at that." He started untangling Sarah from the vehicle, trying to quiet her whimpers as he worked.

Tommy pried open the door closest to you, hooking his arms under your shoulders and dragging you out.

You screamed in pain, your arm twisted out of place.

"Ah fuck!" Tommy muttered. "This is gonna hurt like a bitch.." And before you could register what he was doing, he grabbed your arm and twisted as hard as he could, snapping it back into place.

Your breath caught in your throat; the pain so sharp you couldn't even make a sound. Tears welled in your eyes as your arm throbbed in pain. And though you didn't want to get up, Tommy pulled you to your feet anyways, making his way over to the end of the truck.

"Is she okay?" Joel called out, trying to look for you.

"I'm fine!" You called back, finally catching his gaze for a split second. And in that one, single moment, you felt safe.

"We have to get off of the street!" Tommy yelled out, a cop car slamming into the end of the truck not a second later.

The cars were stacked on top of one another, both of them engulfed in flames. You and Tommy searched for a space to see Joel and Sarah, the smoke making it nearly impossible.

Once Tommy found a clear space between the two vehicles, he told Joel to head for the river and that he'd meet him there.

"What? We can't get separated!" You protested, looking at Tommy as though he were crazy.

"We ain't got much of a choice!" Tommy pulled a gun out from behind him, handing it to you. "Come on!"

He grabbed your good wrist and dragged you towards the ally, though you still tried to protest.

"Fuck, no Tommy! I can't kill anybody!"

"Again, you ain't got much of a choice." You both ran through the streets, trying to hide from the masses.

You had to stop to breathe for a moment. You were shaking and hyperventilating, the stress made your body begin to shut down.

"What the fuck are you doing? We have to go now!"

You tried to run again, but your vision was beginning to go out; black slowly closeing in around you.

"Fuck." Tommy muttered, wrapping his arm around your shoulders so he could drag you along with him.

By the time you got to the river, you saw a man towering over Joel with his gun pointed at him; Sarah laid in the grass nearby.

Tommy shot the man without hesitation, all of you standing there in shock.

Sarah's sharp, quick breaths filled the air, turning your attention to her. "No."

You raced over and dropped down besides her, covering her bleeding stomach with your hands. "Baby no!"

Joel was suddenly next to her, his eyes wide as he stared at your blood-covered hands. "We've gotta go-" He tried to pick her up, but Sarah screamed out in pain, pushing him away. "Come on babygirl! You've gotta get up!" His voice cracked as he yelled for her to get up, desperately trying to find a way to make it better.

You placed your hand on his shoulder, your throat tightening as tears swelled in your eyes. "Joel honey.."

"No! Look, she's okay! See? Come on baby, tell 'em you're fine!" Joel hugged Sarah against his body, tears streaming down his cheeks as he muttered please over and over again.

You wrapped your arms around Joel and Sarah as best you could, breaking down when you felt Joel's hand squeeze your arm for comfort.

-

Seventeen Years Later...

"No, I'm fucking done with this shit!" Tommy said, shoving the door open as he stormed out of the broken-down building, you and Joel hot on his heels.

"You ain't got a choice Tommy! What else are you gonna do? Settle down somewhere nice? Huh? Let me remind you that the only other life there is out there is in another fucking QZ!"

"So, you'd let them murder innocent people rather than fight for a better life? All because you're too scared of some government?" Tommy asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Joel scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Nobody's innocent."

"No, but everyone's a survivor. And I don't know about you, but I'd like to revive the human race, not help end it!"

Tommy had been aiding the FireFlies for the past three months now, claiming that they were trying to bring peace to QZ's around the continent. And though you agreed with them in theory, you thought they were going about all of this the wrong way.

You gently wrapped your hand around Joel's arm. "He's not wrong-"

"Jesus Christ! Now you?" Joel tore his arm away from you, stomping just a few feet away from you both. "I mean fuck! Y'all act like I want to do this shit!" He let out a humorless laugh, rubbing his hands over his face.

Tommy walked over to him, setting his hand on his shoulder. "Come on man. We'll leave these bastards behind, and we'll figure out something else- something better, okay?"

Joel shook his head, shrugging off his hand. "There ain't nothing out there Tommy!" A vein began to show on Joel's forehead, making your heart clench.

"Then you can keep doin' this shit on your own, because I'm done." Tommy stormed back inside to grab his stuff, leaving you alone with Joel.

"Listen-"

"You're going with him."

"What?" Your brows furrowed together; confusion evident on your features. "I'm not going anywhere without you-"

"You're goin'!" Joel snapped, surprising both of you with his tone. "And that's final."

You stormed over to him, pointing your finger in his face. "You don't get to tell me what to do. I can look after myself just fine, thank you."

"Good. Because you're gonna need to."

"What are you saying Joel? Don't you want to be together?" Your rage quickly faded as you studied his features, realizing what he meant. "No. Joel, we've been together twenty years- I can't lose you now. Not when we've come so far."

Joel placed his hand on your shoulder, finally allowing his eyes to meet yours. Seeing the tears welling up in your eyes hurt him on so many different levels. "I'm sorry." He pressed a kiss against your forehead, his entire body trembling against yours.

"Don't do this." You whispered, closing your eyes as the pain of losing him washed over you.

Without another word, Joel turned around and walked down the street, leaving you in tears.

"Joel! Fuck! Please come back!" You screamed out, your voice cracking as a sob began to rise in your throat. You felt Tommy's hand on your shoulder; you turned, hugging him as tight as you could as each sob wracked through your body.

"He'll come around." He said, though he didn't know how much he believed that himself.

-

About two months later, you and Tommy ran into a woman named Maria in Jackson, Wyoming.

You and Tommy had been walking for hours at that point, trying to find some kind of civilization that wasn't completely corrupted by the people or its own government.

You had asked if you could take a break for a moment, deciding that the open field that surrounded a river would be the perfect place to breathe.

Tommy reluctantly agreed, saying that you had five minutes while he went to find a place to 'take a piss,' in his own words.

You laid back on the ground for a while, closing your eyes to take in all of the smells and sounds of nature, trying to ignore the chill that always seemed to creep in through your heavy layers of clothing.

Though when you opened your eyes, a woman stood behind your head, pointing a gun in your face. You'll admit, Maria always knew how to make one hell of an impression.

She invited you and Tommy to come and live in the commune that the two of you hadn't even noticed; it's enormous gates only stood but two miles from where they had found you.

It's safe to say you both accepted. Though you agreed to keep an eye out for anything suspicious.

It had been months since then, and Jackson life seemed to be a perfect fit for the both of you.

It didn't take long for Tommy and Maria to begin dating, though you always knew there was something between the two of them.

And while a few different men in the commune tried to worm their way into your heart, you made it known that you weren't looking for any tenants at the moment.

Two years later and you still couldn't seem to let Joel go.

You had no idea if he were still alive at this point, but you held out hope. He had to be out there somewhere; you could feel it.

And while Jackson was absolutely perfect, you didn't get to stay here for free. You were paired up with a farmer named Kenny, the both of you tasked with taking care of the pigs and chickens, making sure their pens were clean and they had plenty of food and water.

"Morning Kenny! How's Miss Q doing this morning?" You asked as you closed the pen's gate behind you, reaching over to pet one of the pigs that were happily munching on their lunch.

"She seems to be doing a lot better after your last goodnight kiss." Kenny gestured towards the pig in question, who was playing in the mud with her baby piglets.

"Ahh, I'm glad to hear it! I was worried about her for a while there." Miss Q the pig lost one of her piglets during birth two weeks ago and she seemed to be in a funk ever since.

"You're tellin' me." Kenny said, handing you a shovel. "You start on the chickens while I refill their feed?"

You simply nodded, taking the shovel and heading out towards the chicken coup to clean out their pen.

On your way over, you heard men yelling commands to one another, and not a moment later the gate was open, allowing a group of people to come inside.

They already made a supply run the other day, so you didn't have a clue as to what they could be doing outside. Deciding to mind your own business, you walked on, making a mental note to ask Tommy about it over dinner.

That was, until you heard it.

"Tommy!"

Your eyes went wide as chills ran down your spine, your breath caught in your throat. You dropped your shovel, walking down the street towards the gates.

The closer you got, the more you believed it could actually be him. You saw Tommy holding the man in a tight embrace, carrying on a conversation you couldn't make out the words to.

You picked up your pace, now racing towards the men as fast as you could.

Hearing the sounds of boots stomping against the ground, the man looked up, his wide eyes staring straight into yours, making you stop right in your tracks.

"Joel." You whispered, your soft pants causing little white clouds to block your vision for a moment.

Joel pulled away from Tommy, gently brushing past him as he made his way over to you.

"Darlin'-"

You practically jumped on him, digging your nails into his back as you held him impossibly close, tearing up at the soft chuckle he let out.

"I'm here baby, it's alright." He whispered into your hair, holding you just as close.

You stayed like that for a while, neither of you wanting the moment to end just yet. You've wondered around for the past two years feeling as though you were missing something- like you weren't complete. And this was it; Joel was your missing half.

"Sooo, this is her, I assume?" You heard a girl say from behind you. You turned to face her, smiling at how cute she looked with the millions of layers of clothing.

Joel cleared his throat, introducing you to Ellie.

You shook her hand, giving her a warm smile. "I'm impressed, honestly. You're the oldest kid I've seen in a while that isn't completely stuck in a QZ."

"You should be. It isn't easy trying to survive with this asshole." Ellie said, making Joel roll his eyes.

"I got you here in one piece, didn't I?"

"Eh, the jury's still out."

You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but there was some kind of connection between the two of them. Even when you all were eating dinner in the cafeteria later on that night, you could see it.

And when it finally hit you, you couldn't help but tear up a bit.

You vividly remembered all of the dinners you had with Joel and Sarah over twenty years ago, listening to their playful banter and having to step in when one got offended.

"So," Ellie began, pulling you from your thoughts. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" You asked, taking a sip from your glass of water.

"How did you and Joel get separated. Bastard won't tell me."

"Ellie." Joel warned, staring at her with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

"What? I'm curious!"

"Things just didn't work out, honestly. We both needed time away from each other I guess." You felt Joel's attention shift to you, though you couldn't bare to look at him in that moment.

Of course you were glad he was back, but that didn't make two years of heart break just go away with a snap of his fingers. It was going to take time.

Disappointed that your answer wasn't as interesting as she hoped, Ellie went back to eating her dinner.

"So, you never told me what brought you all the way out here. Tell me everything." You looked between Joel and Ellie, resting your chin on your fists.

Joel cleared his throat, glancing at Ellie before focusing on you. "Marlene wanted me to bring her out to Salt Lake with the other FireFlies."

"Why?"

"Uh- You know how Marlene is; she doesn't tell any of us much of anything-"

"You know Marlene?" Ellie asked, suddenly interested in the conversation.

"Sadly." Your eyes slightly squinted as you stared at Joel, looking him up and down with suspicion. He was always a horrible liar. "She always had a stick up her ass last time I saw her."

"Really? She was chill with me. She didn't even freak out when she saw that I was infect-"

Joel let out a loud cough, turning in his seat to look at Ellie with wide eyes.

"You're infected?" You asked, a small smile beginning to tug at your lips.

"She is, but listen-"

You held up your hand, cutting off Joel. "For how long?"

Ellie glanced at Joel, almost as if she were asking for permission before answering. "A couple of months."

You watched as Ellie pulled up the sleeve of her shirt, revealing a scarred over bite mark on her forearm.

You traced your finger over the skin, marveling at all of the cordyceps veins that spiraled around the bite. "Hm." You leaned back in your chair; Ellie pulled her sleeve back down. "How do you feel?"

"Fine, I guess. It's a little weird to know it's there though."

"Eh, you'll get used to it. Try being infected for two years." You said with a laugh, taking a sip from your drink.

"What?" Joel sat up straight in his seat, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"Oh, yeah!" You stood up and set your foot on the table, rolling up your jeans to reveal your own bite mark that lay just above your ankle.

Joel stared at your leg for a while, your conversation with Ellie was nothing but mumbles to him at this point.

It was his fault. If he hadn't been such an asshole then maybe this never would've happpened..

Joel stood from his chair, hurrying out of the room without saying a word.

"I'll be right back." You told Ellie, hurrying after him. When you got outside, Joel was leaning against the side of the building, a hand on his chest with his eyes squeezed shut. "Jesus Joel, what's wrong?"

"M'fine. Go back inside." Joel waved his hand out to dismiss you, trying to conceal his pain.

You placed your hand on his back, frowning when he flinched at your touch. "Hey, look at me."

"Baby-"

"Look at me, Joel."

Joel finally looked up at you, meeting your piercing gaze.

"Breathe with me?" You asked as you took a deep breath in, following up with five more when he began to copy you.

He took another deep breath by himself this time, standing up straight. "I swear, I don't know why those keep happening."

"They're panic attacks, baby. I'm sure everyone in the world gets 'em at this point." You pressed your back against the wall, crossing your arms over your chest. "What caused it?"

Joel shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Was it my bite? If so, then you have to know that it wasn't your fault-"

"Of course it was my fault." He put his hands on his hips with a huff. "If I had just- been there, then maybe things would've been different.."

"But I'm fine, aren't I?"

"And if you weren't? What would I have done then, huh?" Joel snapped, now inches from your face. "I can't live in a world without you. I've lost too much already."

"C'mere." You grabbed the edge of his shirt and pulled him close to you, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm safe. You're safe. We're safe. Okay?"

Joel stared at you for a moment, fear evident on his features. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, holding you firmly against his chest. "Okay."

[ouppypio]

wooooooooaahh lots of ppl wanted to hear about the au so uh explanation ( also sorry it was late at a party rn)

Magical Girl Au Explanation Thinggy..

Before everyone chose to be a magical girl, they were once all human untill meeting Caine. Caine is some magical being along his buddy Bubble who he made. Caine has good intentions but due to his lack of understanding human emotions, does intentions back fired. He seen how humans have suffered, either by pain,depression,ect. He wanted to help the humans by either turning their lives more fun n stuff. I haven't thought on what he does but the idea was there are the Abstractions and creatures (example like the gloinks) that wreck people's lives but nobody can see them. As they live in this sorta circus themed world thats you can only kinda can get there without magiccccc....n stufffffffff. Caine decided to gather people who were willing to destroy those monsters, again this au is going through construction so I haven't figured out for some parts like why Caines intentions backfired so if yall wanna give out ideas I'd be happy to hear em. Back to what I was saying, Caine manage to get a few members for his group or whatever u wanna call it. Alot on who he gathered got abstracted ( alot of this is inspired by Puella Magi Madoka Magica so alot of it will be similar to that anime) so the previous members are now Abstractions (like previous magical girls turn into witches) All of the members were once human, but apon meeting Caine. Caine came to the conclusion that the human body was just to weak for them to fight so he came with a solution. By using his power, he turned their human body to these magical forms, essential what they are in the digital circus. But these body aren't human at all, they don't have organs or look anywhere near human like that so that strikes another problem. Since they can live in the human world anymore, Caine decided to create a new home for them, The Digital Circus. All of the members were devastated to learn that their lives were taken away and now having to live in some circus well just like the show... they abstracted. I might go for an idea that Caine erases all of their old memory to help with their sadness but again with it backfiring with them going insane n stuff. Again feel free to leave out ideas.

So now we begin with our story starting with Pomni. Pomni or whatever her human name would be (Pammy? Pamantha? Poppy?) She's is a depressed,overworked, and very much hates her job, office worker. Working for a company ( maybe for a game uh again not sure) who desperately wants to change herself, to prove the people around her that she can do something, that she can make a change, to have a purpose. That goal could spark the interest of Caine, so one day appearing in front of her to make a deal. Maybe possibly one of the monsters attack her. Either by accidentally going to the magic world thingy on mistake ( she maybe noticed a weird group of them going to this portal, or by just peer dumb and bad luck...she would have lots of bad luck) Possibly Caine saves her or the group instead. Which ever I go for Caine strikes a deal with her and she goes along with it because of the desperation to be something. And once she actually learns the horror of this new body and new home, she regrets it...as all the others during there first times. Now me meet the group, starting with the oldest

Kinger, the one who's been apart of the group the longest and most wisest. He's somehow been able to stay somewhat same but due to so much time dealing with all the craziness and losing someone dear to him. The magical girl gig has kinda broken him away so especially he's the plan/ smart guy in the group. Telling information for the group for missions and strategies.

Then Ragatha who's the second oldest member. She is essentially the mom friend, who often aids her friends during battles and keeping check of anyone (especially after someone abstracts) She tries to put on a happy face and cheerfully personality to keep her sanity, as it's her way to deal with her forever situation.

Jax is the third, he's the playful and prankster as always. Often teasing and annoying his teammates whenever he has the chance to. Jax often doesn't wait to attack during missions and ignores everyone's warning, unless Caine gets him to sit down and listen. But all of the sass and humor is his way to cope with the situation.

Gangle is the fourth member of the group, she's quite soft spoken and scared. As she still struggles a bit of her situation, and relys on her mask to deal with her emotions. Although she isn't weak, she can find herself to cower over some missions if they get to much. Mostly when she doesn't have her happy mask on, and that mask helps her with confidence. Although her emotions help her boost her strength if in very strong emotions.Her coping is practically relying on her masks to keep her happy,although a certain someone keeps breaking them.

Zooble is the fifth and came not long after Gangle. They are a distant and "idgaf" type of person, often trying to not get close with anyone and to just get over with it. Zooble sorta chills there untill they go to another mission, and their distancing is their way of coping. Not wanting to make connections to people in fear of losing them, just over all wanting to do the missions and nothing else.

The basic plot of it is Pomni and everyone else going to mission while they slowly start to find out more and more about everything to who they are, Caine and his secrets,and the universe itself. Anyways that's what I'm going to leave off, have a sketch of Pomni and Ragatha designs. I do plan on finnish it aswell with everyone's else but im tired and I wanna go to bed. Also credits to @massivemilkshaketale giving me ideas for this au, ily all and gn :33

designssssssss

[kinnporsche]

hey guys, i’m back with yet another kinn & porsche rec list! just like with the others, this list is ordered according to length (from longest to shortest), and each fic is by a different author (in order to share the love)! all currently incomplete fics have been marked with (wip). lastly, i would like to thank not only god but also jesus for all the talented writers in this fandom—y’all are single-handedly making this year bearable for me. anyway, please be sure to read the tags, and show the authors some love! [part 4/?]

— silvered perceptions by nuwildcat – explicit / 210k words

Mama told Kinn about the Pull when he was little, weaving a tale of romance and destiny and putting a sparkle in his eye for the mystical shot at meeting someone perfect for him. For the longest time Kinn thought he wouldn’t be lucky enough to know what that was like, until he crashed into a piss-soaked alley while running for his life.

Things haven’t gone quite like Mama said. There’s a whole lot more attitude than Kinn expected, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued. Things aren’t always what they appear to be at first sight. Now, if he plays his cards right, Kinn has a shot at getting the happiness his mother described. Kinn’s always excelled at poker, but this game will test even his skills.

— worthy of love and loyalty by rebellconquerer – explicit / 82.5k words (wip)

Things aren’t going great for Porsche. He has too many jobs that don’t put enough food on the table for him and Porchay, but at least they’re together. What happens when Porsche gets recruited to the Theerapanyakul agency by the founder’s asshole son and blackmailed into joining in? Why, sparks fly, of course. In all meanings of the word.

(Or: The spy x handler AU you didn’t know you wanted.)

— my daddy’s got a gun by martynax – explicit / 49.8k words

“I haven’t seen you here before, are you new?”

Porsche blinks at him, because it’s quite a bizarre thing to say. “Um, no. At least, I don’t think so.”

It earns him a cocked eyebrow in response. “So, you have been here before?”

“A few times,” Porsche answers and shrugs his shoulders. He sometimes comes for a free drink from Jom, and to eat the exceptionally good finger food that just lays on the bar for everyone to enjoy. He usually comes during the day, when it’s not as busy as it is right now. “I’m usually here earlier on.”

“Ah,” the man hums, like it makes perfect sense. “So, how much do you take for a night?”

— whittled down by another war by rageprufrock – explicit / 46.6k words

It starts with snide commentary on gelato and ends in a hail of bullets, Kinn running panicked down the filthy back streets around Thonglor Soi being chased by Sicilian shitbags who are pissed he doesn’t want to ferry around their cocaine anymore.

— leveling up ‘series by thewayside – explicit / 35.2k words

Between the handover of power and the monotony of adult life, meetings, and telling other people what to do, he’s exhausted and he barely gets his head above the parapet sometimes. Still, he always finds at least five minutes in his day to text Kinn, close his eyes, and imagine the fun they could have together. Being in a relationship has its perks.

(Or: Post-finale relationship exploration/day in the life of fluff and a lot of sex.)

— cherries in your mouth ‘series by baby_droll – explicit / 32.9k words

“As far as you’re concerned, he’s your baby cousin. Just be nice, and we’ll show him how well-adjusted adults act, so he’ll quit it with the whole ‘I’ve got all this rich boy angst and nowhere to put it’ shitshow. It’s not cute, you know? Throwing a tantrum in nine hundred dollar shoes. Heard auntie yelled at him, called him something unsavory when he gatecrashed tea.”

Kinn doesn’t know why Tawan says that like he’s supposed to know what he means by ‘unsavory.’

(Or: An AU written in the style and dysfunction of a summer Succession episode. Featuring affairs, lake houses, car sex, and the Royification of KinnPorsche.)

— night call by (vesna) mrsronweasley – explicit / 32.4k words

On Kinn’s birthday, Kinn is dragged by Tae and Time to a strip club, where he gets a private dance from a man who calls himself Jom. Kinn is smitten. Things spin out from there.

— in time by achray – mature / 10.8k words

Chay has totally the wrong impression of everything. Except that he isn’t wrong that Porsche, mafia boss, sometimes seems to Porsche himself like an entirely different person to Porsche, broke bartender and failing college student.

— fell in love with the fire long ago by butterflylungs – explicit / 8.4k words

That night Kinn gets a picture of Porsche on the bed, wearing only one of his blazers and briefs. This time Kinn tries to call him, but Porsche texts back that he has an early meeting the next morning and that he has to go to sleep. If he answers the call, hears Kinn’s voice, Porsche fears he’s not going to be able to control himself, and he wants to hold out on Kinn as long as possible.

(Or: Porsche decides to play a game of teasing while Kinn is away on a business trip; it leads to very fun consequences.)

— i’m holy, i want you to know it by kurtstiel – explicit / 7.5k words

“Tell me you only fucked me because it was convenient, and I’ll leave.”

The muscle in Kinn’s jaw tightens. He holds eye contact for only a couple more seconds before his eyes dart away, out towards the city skyline. The distant city lights look like stars, illuminating Kinn’s face in the same way they did at the pier.

(Or: Porsche seeks Kinn out to take back his sense of control after the night of the diamond auction.)

— below the clavicle by androktasia – explicit / 6.9k words

One of Kinn’s hands wraps around the back of Porsche’s head, scratching gently through the short hair at the nape of his neck. It’s addictive, and so, so sweet and Porsche swallows, feeling suddenly miserable. He tugs himself away. Kinn’s hand lingers on his neck as he digs into his pocket and pulls out a tiny plastic bag with a small white pill in it.

Porsche puts the pill into his glass of expensive champagne, and they both watch it dissolve, slowly; bubbles foaming out until the golden liquid has entirely swallowed it up. Kinn raises an eyebrow at him, waiting for an explanation. His hand strokes gently on Porsche’s neck. Porsche smiles blandly as he takes the glass, swirls it gently around, and then tips half of it into his mouth in one go.

Kinn jerks, an aborted motion, grabbing Porsche’s wrist—but he’s too late.

(Or: Porsche drugs himself to re-enact the night of the diamond auction.)

— these, our bodies, possessed by light by concernedlily – explicit / 4k words

“You think? You were such an asshole that night. This is my territory. This is where I fucked my girls, you know that? Maybe I’d have got you.”

(Or: Set during the episode 11 visit to Yok’s bar—Kinn and Porsche revisit the place where they first met.)

— squeeze a little, tease a little more by mirrorofprinces – explicit / 3.4k words

Porsche knows he’s tucked up well under the desk, theoretically completely hidden, but all it would take is an accidental noise to give him away, or for a pair of wandering eyes at the exact right angle to catch a glimpse of his socked feet. The idea doesn’t entirely put him off.

— first impressions by airgiodslv – teen / 3.2k words

There’s movement in Bank’s peripheral vision, and fuck, thank god, but fuck, Mr. Kinn is standing there in the doorway, warily taking in the scene.

“Porsche,” he says. It’s completely neutral, an invitation for explanation. Bank pants for breath and calculates his best chance of stopping Mr. Porsche if he tries to swing Bank’s gun toward Mr. Kinn. Based on the way this has gone so far, his odds aren’t great.

“Kinn,” Mr. Porsche answers cheerfully. “We were just waiting for you.”

— begging for belief by piecrust – explicit / 2.7k words

In his darkest moments—in the moments where he’s not allowed to be anyone other than his father’s son—Kinn wonders if Porsche is doing all of this on purpose.

(Or: An extra scene at the end of 1x08.)

[celestialspecial]

Expanding Galaxies (Pt 5)

The weeks seem to blend together. Had it been a month or two? Maybe three. You remembered on earth reading romance novels to quench an unmet thirst, never for a second thinking there was any fact to their fiction.

Yet here you were, filled with an undeniable ache for Billy. Each passing day and time you’d see him an unknown longing seemed to grow inside you. 

Loving each moment with him and knowing deep down it wasn’t to last. That you were both here for a reason and soon, maybe sooner than you knew- that reason would be fulfilled. Or even if it wasn’t…you’d both be shipped back to your respective planets.

The thought made your throat feel dry. An undeniable pit in your stomach. With each comforting touch from Billy and every delicious kiss that had you yearning for more. 

Some kisses were chaste, hastened by events one or both of you needed to attend. Some kisses were longer, slower, passion filled that sent sparks zinging from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

There had even been a few nights of exploratory wandering. Mostly his insistence to focus on you alone. Each time seemingly cut short even as you’d occasionally lay in one another’s arms.

Staring out the open windows and balcony doors at the star speckled sky, listening to his breath. Feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest, straining to stay awake just a moment longer.

When you’d fall asleep like clockwork you’d find your eyes blearily blinking open and realizing you were alone in your room again. Billy having snuck back into his own at some point when you’d dozed off.

Each moment felt precious, grains of sand in an hourglass counting down. 

You’d heard a few more couplings had been successful. It made your throat feel tight. As intimate and loving as you two felt there still seemed to be a barrier that you hadn’t broken through yet.

Maybe you never would and that was something you’d need to become ok with. But with each passing day and how effortlessly the conversation flowed. How deeply you felt a connection that seemed only of fantasy before. 

Billy stared out at the open sky by his bedchamber, millions of stars and galaxies staring back. What was it they said about looking into the void? Sometimes it looks back.

“Are you going to say anything about it or am I going to have to keep talking about militia and technical tactic?” Frank’s voice echoed around the room. The communication screen open, giving him a blank view of Billy’s bed. 

Billy turned from the balcony and walked back into frame so his longest and oldest friend could see him. A reassuring smirk as he sat in the edge of the bed.

“There, ya happy?” Billy’s arms outstretched in mock reassurance .

“You look different.” 

“How?” Cut and dry. Attempting to cover up any sign of something being amiss.

“You look well rested”

“It is a paradise planet.” At that frank raised an eyebrow at his friend, discernment etched over his features.

“How long have we known each other, Bill?”

“Too long, apparently.” Running a hand over his face Billy sighed.

Frank and him had been close for years. Working together, fighting together, they knew each other inside and out. Maybe more than Billy cared to admit. Frank was the brother he never had and could read him like a book.

“You’ve been there nearly three months. I assume you’ve met your human?” 

He said it so easily. Billy was almost envious how detached his friend made it sound. Human. Nothing more. A trade.

But it was so much more than that. And because of that it felt so much more complicated than he’d ever thought it’d be. 

Frank picked up on his friends internal struggle easily.

“Bill? Everything alright?”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose Billy shook his head. Looking back up to his friend with a weary smirk.

“No. I don’t think it is.”

You’d walked the grounds with a few of the other girls you’d become acquainted with. One girl, Eliza, even was from New York as well. It felt nice, to have some friendly faces, besides Billy.

It made you feel more grounded. Knowing these girls were also human. Would also return to earth at some point. People, that if you chose to, you could reach out and speak to once returning home.

“I heard their coupling was successful and he just left in the middle of the night.” One of the girls, Lor, said. Eye shifting to note a passing human girl who turned to walk up the steps to a spa like facility. “Just up and gone as soon as they have confirmation.”

You couldn’t deny the twisting in your stomach. Until Eliza spoke up, taking one of the blue colored fruits in her hand and turning it over before responding.

“What about Abigail? She’s supposedly a little over a month along and her Xiadian match is still here.” 

At that Lor rolled her eyes.

“He’s clearly waiting until the 2nd cycle to make sure it keeps before wasting all that time traveling back home to Xiad. They don’t see us as any better than cattle.” 

You found yourself twisting the hem of your skirt, praying it’d create something to distract you from this upsetting conversation. Thinking of Billy only seeing you as a means to an end hurt more than you cared to admit. 

“I think you’re being harsh.” Eliza quipped biting into the fruit and wiping the side of her mouth.

“I’m being realistic.” 

“You’re just jealous you didn’t get the hot one.” Eliza laughed nudging you on the knee.

A few of the other girls giggle as well. A deep red hue spread across Lor’s face as she turned away, a clear huff escaping her lips.

“There’s going to be a gathering tomorrow evening. A celebration of our time being here. For the successful couplings and to….inspire more?” Eliza grinned up at you from her seat. “Will you be going?”

You shrugged, smoothing down the front of your skirt. You’d only heard about this a few days ago and honestly some type of dance or ball didn’t seem all that appealing to you. 

“Well I for one want to drink something other than that awful fertility drink they’ve been forcing down our throats since we got here.” One of the other girls chimed in, before glancing over to a gathered group of xiadians. 

They began to congregate holding drinks of their own talking and laughing. You heard another distinct laugh.

One that had you craning around to get a better look at them. Then you heard it again.

Billy’s laugh.  You could recognize it easily. Then you saw him. Chatting with a few other xiadians in their leisurely attire. You couldn’t help but watch him, each minuscule muscle movement in his face.

How his eyes crinkled when he smiled. You felt a blossoming in your chest and you wanted to curse yourself for feeling like a silly schoolgirl.

But in the next moment, as if suddenly aware he was being watched, he looked over to you.

The girls you were with noticed as well. Lor still refusing to pay attention to you and the others. Before you could manage a weak wave Billy began walking towards you.

His long legs carried him away from his people and over to you in a matter of seconds. Standing above you he manageed a polite smile to your friends before extending his hand.

“May I steal you away?”

You’d only nodded, trying to reign in your eagerness as he pulled you upwards and nestled a reassuring hand at your lower back, turning away from your fellow humans and down a winding garden path. 

You ventured a short glance back at the girls and caught Eliza smirking at your receding forms.

The vibrant blue of the sky above reminded you of home. Of days at the beach or walking in the woods when you were younger. How long ago those days seemed.

Following in step alongside Billy, the both of you moving in silence, an occasional call from a brightly colored bird-like creature nesting in a nearby fruit tree.

Trying to ignore the tension drawing out between the two of you.

Venturing a quick glance at his face, gauging his expression and what could possibly be going on in his head.

You’d never felt this anxious in his presence before, your tormenting thoughts and scathing remarks from Lor and a few of the other women sticking in the back of your mind.

“Are those women your friends?” He managed as you turned a corner, the small pathway spilling open to a larger garden. Giant blooms unfurled to show petals graced by drops of dew.

A stone bench sat off to the side in perfect view of all the various flowering plants, cradled between two large trees that resembled willow trees. Long layered fronds dotted with blues and greens.

A reassuring warmth on the small of your back, finding yourself guided towards the bench, taking a seat, eyes closed in a moment of relaxing bliss.

Choosing to focus for a moment in the scent of the breeze and the quiet rustle of the swaying branches

“They’re…someone to talk to.” Eliza was the closest thing to a friend but even so it felt weird to connect under such bizarre circumstances. His eyebrows drew together in thought pausing for a moment .

His jaw worked, throat bobbing as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t quite sure how to begin. You saved him the drawn out pause before continuing your own thoughts.

“This planet is so beautiful and yet…it often feels so lonely.” You didn’t dare meet his eyes as your own gaze remain fixated on your feet but you could feel the heat of his attention on you. 

“Even with me?” The question caught you off guard, and you felt your heart twinge, guessing what answer he wanted but unable to deny the truth spilling from your lips.

“You are temporary, Billy.” His shoulder twitched ever so slightly, he rolled it back caught off guard by the blunt response. You were right, you both knew it.

The silence drew out between the two of you. You could tell he wanted to speak more but instead you watched as his hand slid gently over to your knee, heat sinking into the skin, warmth seeping into your bones it felt like.

You felt your very essence begin to calm, peace washed over you in a way only he was capable of.

It soothed and terrified you. Listening to the other women talk about your very real situations and if you were being perfectly honest, it scared you how drawn you felt to him.

He held a hand out before him, focusing gently and you watched a series of twining plumes of smoke detach from him effortlessly.

They seemed to dance in the air around his outstretched fingers. Curling effervescently, lazily drifting upon the air.

Your mind thought mist or smoke but there was a tingling in the air, a spark of something inhuman about it. No those words were too plain to describe the aether before you.

“I used to hate this.” He spoke softly and solidly, eyes never moving from the twirling plumes. “Having this…they call it a ‘gift’, but it never felt like it.”

You studied him, eyes drifting between him and the dazzling aether before you.

“What’s it called?”

At that he finally looked at you, eyes softening before glancing back at the dissolving wisps.

“It has many names, but they all condense down to ‘darkness’. Night flame, aether, power. It was what my race all had at one point.” His voice seems to drift off as you watch the last of the darkness disappear, either into the air or return back to him.

“Does not every Xiadian have the ability to conjure it?” His head shook, gaze still lingering upon his now bare fingertips before resting his hand back in place on the bench.

“No. It’s now very rare to find among us. It started dying out hundred of years ago, first steadily then rapidly. We’ve exhausted so many of our resources trying to find solutions, or even just a reason it was happening at all.”

It took him just a glance at your face to read your mind and continue on.

“It’s purpose, as I’ve come to understand, is a power source. It connects one to…what would humans say? Your Gods? It was said to be our link to higher beings, those who created us from nothing but dark matter and wisps of stardust.” 

“Do you use the power? When you’re back home I mean?” It felt like so much to wrap your mind around. Some days it was easy to forget xiadians were aliens. They looked like men, talked, ate, drank. 

But this, this reminded you that there was a barrier between the two of you. 

“It provides me energy, strength, and when I tune into it I’m able to find wisdom and solutions I might not come to as readily without it. It’s…hard to describe exactly.” His brows furrowed once again as he searched for words.

“It’s like returning to my true form, to be one with the energy that exists in all living things. To move beyond this solid form and access information that not all can.”

“That’s how your race was able to grow so advanced, far beyond humans and many others isn’t it?”

The amused look he gave you sent a shiver through your body, electricity darting to your fingers and toes.

“You’re remarkably intelligent you know that?” 

“I like to think I’m above average.” You mused, fingers picking at a loose bit of stone on the seat beneath you.

At that Billy stood, eyes scanning the garden clearing before gesturing for you to follow.

“Come, I have something more to show you.”

The front of the building stood broad and tall, splashes of double sunlight licked the edges of the marble columns.

Verdant vines clung to a few of them, wrapping intricate patterns from top to base.

You’d been here several months and still hadn’t traversed this part of base you inhabited.

The flowering plants and towering waterfalls that reached to the sky and seemed to encase every detail in pure flowing water.

The buildings here, while beautiful, hadn’t been your first choice to traverse. You lived in New York. There were buildings there, different but made of stone and brick and metal.

Here the sky was open, the scents lush and fragrant, natural beauty abounded and you had intended to drink it all in before returning home. 

Your hand remained nestled in his as Billy guided you through the heavy doors and across an empty lobby.

The gridded floor shone as streaks of light broke through the windows.

Down a corridor and through another set of doors and the breath had become trapped in your throat. 

Before you was a vast, large room. The closest thing back home in your head that compared were pictures of ornate cathedrals, 3 school buses high with domed ceilings.

Buttery rays of light cut through the open space from multiple windows dotting the walls.

But what truly sent your heart racing was that among this cavernous building lay multiple carvings into the walls.

Resting upon those carvings were rows and rows of what appeared to be books.

Floor to ceiling, not aligned on shelves like a cookie cutter library. No, these carved inlets were organic in nature.

Forming all sorts of shapes and patterns, almost like a beehive.

Of all sizes and forms, old and new, elaborate and simple. Books. Covers with illustrations, some bound in leather, others in fabrics. 

“Billy” your eyes were the size of saucers, taking in each and every inch, lost in wonder and barely able to form words.

You had previously talked to him about your bookstores back home.

How on occasion, when a  rainy day called for it, you'd find solace within those stores.

The city was loud and busy and chaotic, but books silenced the noise. You’d read stories of fantasy, of war, of magic and love.

Xiadians, unsurprisingly, were also drawn by knowledge, stories of intrigue and tales of passion.

You had laughed when he shared this, for two races light years away there were similarities beyond just genetic markers.

But this library, it blew everything you’d ever seen before out of the water. You could reside on this planet for multiple lifetimes and never make a dent in the books it held.

“Ciazed is in a neutral zone. Not belonging to one star system specifically or the next”

“Like in Star Trek” you gave him a sideways grin, elbowing him in the ribs playfully.

“I don’t know what that is.” He smirked back at you before continuing, “because of this planets placement it has been deemed safe to hold multiple records and writings from  a vast array of other alien races.”

You felt breathless looking around and thinking of all the stories begging to be told, but you also found yourself admiring Billy’s own expression. 

Enthusiasm and wonder danced behind his eyes as he scanned the many alcoves and  hand carved shelves. Stepping further into the building and meandering over to one of the many books.

You followed behind him, looking over his shoulder at all the many multicolored spines and decorated surfaces.

“Pick one,” he encouraged, a breathy whisper along the shell of your ear. His hands gliding to rest along your hips.

Feeling the heat grow in your cheeks ever so slightly as you traced your fingers along the ridges, letting your intuition guide you.

Eventually there was a a deep purple book, bound with golden circlets along the top and bottom, beautiful and mysterious.

You managed to wriggle it free from between the other records, placing it onto Billy’s waiting hands before you.

Meeting his eyes at last, his gaze was downright devious, playful and did you detect a hint of smugness?

Watching him move to a nearby slab of polished stone, he opened the book and laid it out before the two of you. The whirls and twisting of the writing within was astounding.

It reminded you of hieroglyphics, but decidedly more complex.

You couldn’t hide your disappointment at the fact that in reality most of these books you wouldn’t be able to read.

“What’s it say?” You urged him on, eager to know what it was exactly you were looking at. “What race is it from?” 

Billy swiveled around, leaning his back against the carved stone so that you could move closer to the book.

Taking in the detailed alien writing and wishing desperately that you could decipher it.

“It’s Xiadian. A book of stories that are often told to children.” You looked up at him then back at the open pages. How it had called to you, in a not dissimilar way that Billy also called to you.

You didn’t know how long the two of you roamed the halls of the hidden library. An hour, maybe two, perhaps even three. 

You’d darted between stone shelf to shelf, grabbing multiple books and records that caught your attention. Asking Billy to identify each and every one, to read a page or two to you.

It was fascinating, to feel like you had so much knowledge at your fingertips.

To see and read first hand experiences and literature from species you hadn’t previously known existed.

You could keep going and going but you noticed Billy plopping into a seat on a plush coated sofa taking a breather from following you constantly.

You moved onto the seat next to him, allowing you both a moment of reprieve.

The knowledge at your fingertips was intoxicating. To finally feel like you weren’t at the bottom of the solar system felt enticing. 

“Thank you. For showing me this.” A tempered gesture to the expanse of books laid out on multiple tables.

You pushed a stray ringlet of hair behind your ear, bashfully looking up at him. “I was already aware of how little I knew about the universe but seeing all of this…makes me feel a little less insignificant.”

His depthless eyes remained transfixed on your face. His expression unreadable to you. Until he pushed up from the couch, a large hand moving to cradle the side of your face. Rough fingers caressed the underside of your chin. 

“You could never be insignificant.” 

[mabioquarquez]

fics masterlist (newest to oldest)

the red of your fire (marc marquez/francesco bagnaia,) not rated

Marc receives two unexpected visitors in one night, sparking two life-changing conversations. Both leave him wondering about their true intentions... and what implications they could bring for his future.

M: honestly one of the randomest things to ever come out of my brain. but I had so much fun writing it I thought it would've been a waste not to post it. so many ways this could have gone... and it went the most unhinged one i'm afraid

wait for your love (jorge martin/francesco bagnaia,) not rated

Pecco suffers from the worst highside of his life, and it reignites some long lost feelings in between him and a former teammate he had thought he was done with.

M: aka the worst day ducati has had since the times of valentino, both pecco and enea battling injuries at once in spain no less. had to do something about it and that was it. plus pecco and jorge the most attractive of uncharted ship territory

i wish i hated you (fabio quartararo/francesco bagnaia)

The pressure and self-disappointment simmering in Pecco boil over in the middle of an Ibizan freeway, and there is only one person, the one he cannot stop thinking about, who can get him out of this mess.

M: so much potential in one ship. they literally meet the requirements for being one of the most popular ships (having had a title decider in valencia) but it misses some juice. so I filled that jar until it overflowed because they deserve other pairings besides maverick and marc and marco and luca

semblance of time (andrea dovizioso/marc marquez)

Sachsenring comes around, and Marc's hellish weekend could not possibly get any worse than it already is, until Dovi comes calling at his door.

M: marc and dovi just make me weak in the knees and I needed some comfort after that dumpster fire of a race in germany last year and so I made dovi comfort marc because I could. loved the whole right place wrong time of their early years together at HRC I came up with

not one to make a scene (andrea dovizioso/marc marquez)

Dovi has been following Marc, trailing behind him for a while now. Marc waits for the moment he gets tired of it (and him.)

M: another dovquez which I wrote in half an hour after watching valencia 2018. I just NEEDED to get it out. dovi being the literal antithesis of valentino while also being italian will forever be the epitome of poetry

how did we get here, when I used to know you so well? (valentino rossi/marc marquez)

Valentino hits a new low in his career as a MotoGP rider in 2020, where loss and indecision follow him wherever he goes, clouding his judgment and making him reopen old wounds he thought were healed. One day fate intervenes and gives him a chance to get that do-over he becomes desperate for, with a catch he couldn't see coming in a hundred years.

M: single-handedly the most angsty piece I ever wrote. I was so proud of it when I first posted it because it was the longest fic I had ever written at ≈22000 words. made me insanely happy to read all the comments under it. one of my greatest passions is to make fictional valentino realize he wronged marc in the most embarrassing way possible

you dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor (valentino rossi/marc marquez)

Marc has a meeting with the rider who's been meaning to replace him at Honda, only to find himself before the most unlikely face of all in a tiny Dutch restaurant. Oh well. He probably should have seen it coming.

M: wrote it the night I attended the eras tour after hearing is it over now live. safe to say at the time I didn't believe luca would actually switch to honda but life is funnily strange sometimes. like the fact that marc has a good relationship with luca but not the rest of the VR46 boys... yeah.

how many things do you think about before you get to me? (fabio quartararo/francesco bagnaia)

M: the description for this one is literally a chunk of the dialogue so I'm skipping it for now... this is the fic I'm most proud of, everything just worked in my favor and I was able to finish it in two days. my first 2f work and maybe my best work overall. if you don't like this ship, you can read almost everything up until the tenth item-it also doubles as a pecco character study. listened to how many things by sabrina on a loop while writing it and I really hope that reflects on the choice of words

volveré junto a ti, pues te quise y te quiero (valentino rossi/marc marquez)

On an unusually hot day in Mugello, Luca Marini wants to win his home race, but the heat and some rebels (and Spaniards) have a different plan for him.

M: written in a half-hour. bizarre as fuck. highly unrealistic. plot all over the place. poor lore-lacking attempt at writing pedrenzo. it wasn't a hit and it shows, the single reason why this work isn't buried in the depths of internet hell is because of marc's monologue to a tranquilized valentino. i love it and cannot bring myself to delete it. plus kudos to me for being ballsy enough to name it in spanish

i can't help the way i keep ignoring every omen (luca marini/alex marquez)

MotoGP has an omen every rider knows, and Marc Marquez finds out about it from none other than Casey Stoner. He just hopes that, unlike the latter, he will be able to see it come true.

M: i remember i LOVED writing this fic, just the dynamic in between the two of them came so so sweetly to me (airing out their feelings and insecurities regarding the names they carry.) plus the whole omen thing sounded so interesting to develop. there would really be an omen like this in a perfect world

a kingdom without its king, is no kingdom at all (marc marquez character study)

He holds on to the person guiding him; their face is blurry, making it impossible to recognize his features. He doesn’t know if he's losing his vision because of the impact, the rivers swirling in his eyeline or the fact that he’s running out of air, choking in the smoke of the dumpster fire he finds himself in the middle of. Phantoms of stories past flash before his eyes; after all history does tend to repeat itself.

M: pov: it's july 2023. marc just announced he's withdrawing from the race at sachsenring. the honda is a complete piece of junk, they reveal he got severely injured in free practice. the doubts regarding honda increase exponentially by the second. the you're losing me edits are plastered all over the timeline. you write this to try to understand why god made you a marc marquez fan

anyways. hope you find something in here that you can enjoy, that's the sole reason why I write, to at least try to brighten up a person's day with a little 'quality' (tooting my own horn here) writing. for your enjoyment only ❤️

[k-ayden]

my autumn warmth (fluff)

premise : the reader and thoma are cuddling together right outside of the komore teahouse, sitting together with some tea on a table.

content disclaimer : thoma x reader, (slight) praising, the reader has no definite gender, tall reader, comfort/fluff, a small drabble

this account writes mlm/nblm fanfiction, if you identify as female then please look somewhere else to read, as i don't write for fem readers.

slender fingers traced along the snowy, pale skin of the blond haired male, the ticklish touch causing a light chuckle to slip past his lips. in his lover's arms, thoma could only gaze into their [e/c] eyes, filled with nothing more than sincere admiration. to think, that even a simple housekeeper could find someone who carried the warmth and tenderness of spring, whispers coaxing the male into the loving embrace of the other, keeping him under some kind of enchantment. an enchantment that casted over the change of seasons, sparking once the cherry blossoms had just opened up. he could remember [y/n]'s confession so clearly...

" my love.. " the taller whispered into his ear, breathing out in a soft voice, their thumb brushing against his cheek, and soon trailing down to his shoulder, their eyes taking in thoma's beauty adoringly. their other hand laid rest on his face, the blond instinctively pressing into it as he closed his green eyes, taking soft breathes. for the longest time, he never shut his eyes during these loving moments. for fear that if he did, he'd wake up alone, empty. no warmth to carry him through the steady cold of autumn, making way for the freezing snow of winter. but those feelings, those insecurities have long passed on, allowing him to fully immerse himself in his partner's comfort.

soft lips were pressed on his forehead, causing a sheepish simper to stretch on his lips, leaning more into the touch of the taller male. he felt so happy, so cherished.. so safe. he no longer had to worry while he was with them, his autumn warmth. " you seem quite happy to see me.." the soft voice that lulled him into his comfort only pulled him in deeper, his own lips slightly separating as though he wanted to say something, but alas, he couldn't think of what to say. his emerald green eyes soon opened up, looking to his sweetheart as a light pink tint dusted onto his cheeks, as the other continued to gently rub his face, as though praising him for only being there. even if it was a moment of silence, a moment to just indulge in each other with no cares, he was having full conversations with just the way that he made eye contact with them.

and so, a meek, yet happy chuckle slipped out from his soft lips, eyes closing once more as he sighed, nuzzling into his lover's hand. " i'm just enjoying the moment.." he admitted with a soft hum, his arms lazily snaking around the other's waist, pulling them close. his body pressed against theirs, as he just stayed in that position, eyes opening slightly just to look up at them. to be held was already a gift to him, but to be loved? to be adored? even if he's fantasized about it.. he never expected it to feel so good. his heart quickened in pace and he blushed harder, the thought of the other taking care of him so sweetly lingering with no intention of leaving his mind. and it was clear that his partner could sense it.

" you're so sweet, thoma.. " [y/n] immediately breathed out to him, causing his gaze to quickly shift away from them, looking over to a wall or perhaps the ground. he couldn't tell, his vision was seemingly blurred with hearts in his eyes, stomach growing fuzzy as he became fully conscious of the moment. he didn't even pay attention to what they said, but he didn't need to. he already blushed just from knowing that it was some kind of compliment. even if he had gone through it so many times, it always felt like his heart was burning with love, too shy to even continue with the moment, especially with his partner being taller than he was. it wasn't intimidating, per say, as he always saw the other as some kind of large teddy bear, but it did fluster him to know just how easy they could pick him up and carry him around.

" i love you.. " he finally breathed out, the words so foreign to his tongue, and yet.. his heart leaped with joy once [y/n] was clearly listening to him speak, even if he almost fumbled over his words out of embarrassment. he couldn't help it.. especially when he deemed the other to be so perfect. even if they rejected the notion, he knew that they were perfect, at least to him. and it always made him happy to know that they felt the same about him, even without having to explicitly say it.

" i love you too, thoma.. " they finally spoke, keeping him close to them, gently cradling him in their arms. he was theirs, and they were his. they pressed another tender kiss to his forehead with a hum, a small smile sneaking onto their lips.

" my autumn warmth . "

[dyinglikeastar]

Twenty Questions for Writers

1.) How many works do you have on AO3?

417 🫠 Don't be too impressed though lol, I'm very old and many of them are drabbles

2.) What's your total AO3 word count?

951,061 🥲

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Justified. Biggest past fandoms: DC comics and danmei

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

(I'm just going to list my Justified ones since that's what everyone's here for, but feel free to check out my works if you're interested in those other things.)

1. we could follow the sparks - 4793 words

2. for you it's always me - 15, 753

3. in my defense I have none - 54, 264

4. working for the knife - 1491

5. ten feet apart - 5581

5.) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Absolutely. I don't get around to every single one and sometimes it takes me a while, but I try to because every single comment makes my day.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I love to write angst, but I tend to have at least a mildly happening ending in fics. For Justified I don't think I have an angsty ending fic yet, so its probably going to be Nothing Left To Burn, an Untamed fic. (heed the tags, proceed with caution etc)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is hard since most of my fics do end on a happy note. I don't write fluff or weddings or anything like that, but I think For You It's Always Me is the happiest ending for my Justified fic though. Domestic Raylan and Boyd make me happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

In my many, many years of writing fic and out of the 400+ works (many of them ~~problematique~~)I have up, I'm fairly certain I've only ever gotten two even remotely negative comments. I'm not sure how I pulled that off, but it probably has something to do with being a virtual hermit and never promoting my shit lol. Anyway, one of them was on a sex worker fic and the criticism was that a group of teenage runaways doing sex work wouldnt have to eat ramen or live in a shitty apartment because apparently all sex workers make triple digits 😅. The other one threatened to call PETA on me bc a kid in the fic had multiple goldfish die.

9.) Do you write smut?

Pretty much primarily lol

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?

It appears that I've never published an actual crossover, huh. I've written plenty of AUs, like my Hunger Games!Raylan/Boyd AU, but never a true crossover.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have, I give blanket permission and its always nice to get those notifications

13.) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep, the most recent one being In My Defense I Have None, and I wrote 2 pretty popular DC comics fic series with someone.

14.) What is your all-time favorite ship?

Oh Lord, I can't do favorites. I can tell you which was my first, which one I've shipped longest, my favorite from each fandom, but I can't pick just one, thats like picking a favorite child.

15.) What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Pot canon Raylan/Boyd where Raylan doesn't turn Boyd in, instead he kidnaps him and runs away with him into the mountains somewhere. I just don't know how to end it in a way that makes sense.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

Well I don't know, but I hope it's characterization and dialogue, because that's what I enjoy the most. Also, fitting a bunch of shit in few words.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Exposition. Long fic. Did I mention exposition? Exposition is my nemesis.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for fic?

It's fun and immersive, but only works if you're fluent or have a native speaker to ask about it, otherwise you end up with a Lance Voltron situation.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, unfortunately.

20.) Favorite fic you've written?

Honestly, In My Defense I Have None. Its the longest thing I've ever published, it was super fun to write and totally self-indulgent, full of all of my favorite tropes, and I got to write it with my girlfriend.

Thanks, @tallsinspace and @willowmckinley for tagging me in this meme

[cosmic-kaden]

Here my friend!! 🎫 A pass for you to gush about whoever you would like! :3 (dragonsmooch)

Hi, I've had this since the start of January and back then I didn't have the ability to gush because I wasn't sinking in feelings of a love I didn't know I could have again SO hello! Hi, I'm sorry about what I'm about to unleash on you :3 incoherent gush incoming!

UNDER READ MORE CAUSE L O N G

Ahem Chapter 1. kldjdlskf

What's to say that I've not already said? Ben has completely taken over, not just my blog but my heart and soul. what can I say? I feel hard and I fell fast. It's hard to describe but he has this aura about him (aside from when he was initially a jackass lol) but later there's an aura about him that I just feel connected to. I also relate to his youth as my youth was similar in a sense of us both feeling like our parent(s) were never there for us. They were always busy doing something else leaving us to our own devices it was lonely. Anyways I won't get too much into it but I do relate with a lot of things that Ben goes through they aren't extreme by a long shot but I get what he did the things he did. I don't condone it in the slightest but I do understand.

If I was anywhere else telling any other people that Ben actually makes me feel alive and excited to wake up in the morning they would probably tell me I was crazy and to seek professional help because they don't understand. It's true though Ben not only sparked my creativity but he sparked my love for life again. To open my eyes and be excited for what will happen in the day as opposed to waking up and wishing I could just go back to bed. He helps me remember daily tasks. "He'd want me to _" I have felt so much happier ever since Ben came into my life.

Want to hear a funny story? I don't know if you were following me at the time but I did see Th.e Fo.rc.e Aw.ake.ns in thatres when it came out(Which I have to fix on my own gush post because it made it sound like I didn't see the first one when I did lol) anyways I mentioned it very briefly on my old self-ship blog that I thought Ky.l.o R.e.n was badass and I admitted that he was pretty cute- I guess the universe wasn't ready for us to find each other yet. Least that's what I like to think. I didn't need him like I do right now.

It's so baffling to me, like my logical side knows he's a fictional man but then the rest of me just feels overwhelmed by the love and happiness I feel merely just thinking about him to the point where I feel like he is actually my real boyfriend as if somewhere in time and space there is a universe out there where we actually exist together and that universe is sending signals or crossing over and I'm feeling what the other me feels everyday, its sounds very idiotic when I say it out loud but it's something I like to think about often.

Ben really said "I'm here now and I'm going ensure you're never unhappy ever again" Really, when friends message me or I'm tagged in something or anything really there are moments where I catch myself, I didn't fake the smile I smiled with my eyes too. I'm genuinely happy and excited to hear about my friends ships. That's not to say I wasn't excited before but it would always get that pang in my heart "Why can I feel like that too?" and then I'd feel really sad. For the longest time I felt like I was a malfunction.

chapter 2 where I talk about the feral man's appearance and actually get to the gushing.

Oh cute, you thought I was kidding about the chapters /lh

This man has such a grip on me. He's the most beautiful man I've ever laid my eyes on. for real, he makes my heart melt. He's tall and handsome what's not to love?

His eyes are absolutely gorgeous! Those beautiful brown eyes, like sunlight shining through a whiskey glass. I love how his eyes can look so honeyed in some scenes and then when it's dark they look like beautiful pools of obsidian. His gaze is intense and I will be the first to admit it makes me weak in the knees.

I love his lips too..they're so full and the look so soft~ I love imagining kissing him more often than I like to admit. Our lips would fit so perfectly together. I also sort of like it when he pouts, something doesn't quite go his way and its a pout~ It's actually really cute.

I. LOVE. THIS. MANS. SMILE! and its such a shame that I only get to see his precious smile just ONCE and it has to be a stupid dumb canon x canon moment. Thankfully I can tune the other one out and just focus on Ben and gods his smile completely ruined me in the best of ways! he has the prettiest smile I've ever seen. He smiles and it feels like a ray of light engulfs my entire heart and I can't help but smile too because his smile is so contagious!!!

I love his hands too, might sound weird ik but just thinking about him locking his fingers with mine as he holds my hand fills my stomach with butterflies~

you see I did good, I waited until now to say, I think about gripping this mans hair and running my hands through it SO OFTEN its a problem! I love his hair, its so thick and when its all messy and he looks all disheveled I feel my face explode. (Meaning I instantly blush and its too hot for my cheeks lol)

Did you read this far? THANKS IM SORRY I just have a lot of feelings for this man. He means the absolute world to me and I am so so happy! /srs Thank you for letting me gush and I'm sorry it took so long!

THIS MAN IS EVERYTHING TO ME <3

[anonymousboxcar]

Tilly the Dukedog (OC), Pt. Three: Bluebells & Sodor

Part One

Part Two

Here’s the final part of Tilly’s background/life story, from the 1960s to roughly the present day! Thanks for sticking with these posts. This is by far the longest one yet, so I suggest you grab a snack and a drink before settling in. I hope you all enjoy!

———————————

Tilly and Earl of Berkeley did their best to settle in on the Bluebell Railway. Like on the Cambrian main line, Tilly worked very hard to make sure all the new engines integrated and got along with each other. The Bluebell was among the first heritage railways; she wanted to make sure the model proved successful, to secure her and many others’ safety.

Earl of Berkeley, however, worried that Tilly was taking on too much by herself. He’d seen how driven she was on their old line, and he respected it very much. But he didn’t want to see her drive herself into the ground. “Everyone here wants the Bluebell to succeed,” he told her. “We’re all in this together.”

“…I know,” she said after a long pause. “I worry, is all. I don’t want to roll away and miss something.”

“We’ll keep each other in the loop, yeah? And you don’t have to go too far away. You can always delegate, give us things.”

The word “delegate” sparked something in Tilly’s mind. It reminded her of when she asked Edith to do something to set up a prank or a scheme in their Cornwall days. Looking at E.B., she knew she couldn’t go back to those days… but she could ensure they lived on.

So Tilly took it upon herself to teach E.B., an already cheeky soul, in all her old prankster ways.

There were practical reasons for doing this. She knew that most of the engines joining them were anxious and traumatized. Giving them things to laugh at, things at which to redirect their focus, would help them settle in and relax. It would make things run a little smoother.

Tilly also missed doing that sort of thing. Her schemes on the Cambrian main line were serious, caught up in the hard times and the desperation of it all. Times were still hard and desperate, of course. But thinking it over, she thought more good humor would’ve been helpful back then. She only couldn’t bring herself to do it again without her partner in crime.

Yet she still longed for a return to something much more lighthearted. She knew Edith would long for it, too. And that was enough for her to push past those buffers.

E.B. proved a skilled student who kept her and everyone else on the outer rims of their wheels. While lacking Tilly’s silver tongue, he had a knack at making people feel in on a joke. He was a class clown at heart, good-natured and happy to entertain. He laughed at himself more than anyone else, and that made him easy to trust.

For the first time in years, Tilly let herself loosen up a little bit too. She let herself grow closer to the other engines, being a friend as well as a counselor. She got in on some pranks and lighthearted schemes.

Nor did she stress over representing her line so much. While she was still representing the Dukedogs, so was E.B. They collaborated on educating guests about the GWR, their class, their lives as Bulldogs, and their Duke friends. And the Bluebell’s officials, unlike the GWR, supported their efforts.

As Stepney became the face of the Bluebell — of preserved steam engines, even — Tilly saw the anxiety under his mask. She shared her past experiences. Whatever reassurance she had, she gave to him. “It’s not the end of the world,” she told him after one gaffe.

“I know it isn’t. I just want to be a good representative for the Bluebell,” he said, looking at his buffers. “A engine losing his temper with the photographers is hardly that.”

“You were stroppy, but that happens to people. You’re a person. And so were our loved ones. Being imperfect and complicated is the best way to represent them, really.”

Stepney blinked, looking up. “I suppose so,” he said after a beat.“Can’t let them think we were all perfect angels, can we?”

“Oh, no.” She grinned. “Worse than historically inaccurate, that’d be boring.”

He barked a laugh at that.

In return for Tilly’s help, Stepney used his influence to push for more institutional support of her and E.B.’s efforts to educate the public. And he encouraged her to have her own fun, joining her and E.B. There were a couple prolific April Fool’s Days on their railway.

Knowing how she wished to respect Edith’s adventurous spirit, Stepney also told Tilly about his visit on Sodor. Curious, she joined him on several additional Sudrian trips.

I could probably fill up books talking about her dynamics with Sudrian engines, so I’ll restrain myself here to talking about her interactions with one character: Duck.

This is spilling over into yet more headcanon territory, but you guys remember how Duck told Peter Sam that “all Dukes were scrapped?” That remark isn’t incorrect, but it isn’t the full story, either.

It’s probable that Duck didn’t want to get bogged down in all the details while talking to Peter Sam. But I also like thinking he didn’t go into more detail because he never quite got over it. What if he had some friends in the Dukes, and was grieved and horrified to see new faces on their boilers?

“It was necessary for the survival of the Great Western,” he’d tell anyone who asked about it. And he believed it. He knew that no Great Western engine is above another, that it’s their Way to help each other in any way possible.

But for all that Duck cares about the GWR, I think he also cares about his individuality, feels the need to express himself in small ways. The idea of his bodily autonomy, already very limited, being disrupted in such a fatal manner for another engine, might’ve disturbed him. He wouldn’t blame any Dukedog for that, but he would struggle to lay responsibility at the feet of his beloved old railway.

Rather than deal with all his complicated feelings about this, I suggest here that Duck suppressed it. He avoided thinking about it, talking about it in detail.

So Duck didn’t speak much to Tilly outside of their first meeting. He was polite and civil in their few subsequent interactions, but always tense. It reminded Tilly of how other GWR engines responded to the Dukedogs in the first few months after the rebuilds.

It took years for Tilly to enact a successful plan to talk to him. He was slippery, but she eventually managed to finagle some down-time with him across several visits. It might’ve been better if she was less insistent, but that wasn’t her nature to let things lie.

Tilly’s first thought was to reassure him the way she did the others, saying she grieved the Dukes too. She tried this when they had a lull in their work together. Duck appreciated this and said so, but he still acted kind of uncomfortable. Tilly soon came to realize that this was tied up with his feelings about the GWR after further conversation.

Her perspective on the GWR — that it wasn’t as special as people made it out to be, often flawed like other railways — was a jolt to Duck. He disagreed at first on reflex, on principle, and Tilly took some offense. Things got heated.

But they managed to calm themselves by the next time they saw each other.

“I can’t tell you how to remember or feel about the Great Western,” Tilly said. “That was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”

Duck looked away. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ve needed to think about it all for some time now, if I’m honest. I’m sorry I was so rude to you.”

“We were rude to each other.” She edged closer. “I… what I should’ve said is that it’s alright to have conflicting feelings about the Great Western. If it weren’t alright, I don’t think I’d still be here today.”

“It’s the Great Western Way to carry on, no matter the fuss or how I feel,” he said after a beat, glancing back at her. “And I’ve done my best at that.”

“Indeed. You can’t be that much of a traitor to the railway, then, if you’re still here.”

“I don’t mean to suggest you’re a traitor to it, or to any of them. You’re carrying on too, honoring your… Edith, was it?”

“Yes.” She drew in a breath, feeling her lower lip tremble all of a sudden. “I — I’m glad you think so.”

Duck rolled alongside her, slow and quiet. “I know so, from what I’ve seen of you.”

Tilly took a moment to recollect herself. Clearing her tubes, she said, “For what it’s worth, I think you’re carrying on the best parts of the Great Western. Edith would be chuffed to see you pushing for solidarity, for respect in the yards.”

“…thank you.” Duck offered a small smile. “I think you’re doing much of that, too.”

“Well. I’m not that respectful if I hounded all this talk out of you, am I?”

“Ah, there’s always next time — especially on this railway.”

Tilly and Duck keep in touch to this day. They enjoy each other’s company and respect each other’s approaches to the GWR, agreeing there’s more overlap than they first thought. Duck’s rigidity on the Great Western Way softened over time. And Tilly grew a better understanding and respect for the ways people carry out histories and legacies.

With her visits, letters, and work on the Bluebell, Tilly rarely feels lonely or unfulfilled these days. She’s keeping on in all the ways she knows how, remembering and loving and learning. She works to honor Edith’s wishes in the same breath as her own.

On the most recent anniversary of her rebuild, she went out on a long run and spoke to Edith as she traveled. She talked about how things were going, about how she looked after the boiler and cab. “They’ve mended it a lot over the years, you know,” she said. “It might not have any of your original iron anymore.”

She paused, feeling the wind on her face. Water sloshed inside her in lazy circuits, trailing a second heartbeat alongside her pistons.

“But that’s alright. I’ve kept your iron in other places, staying ever so busy and silly.” She smiled. “It’s hard work, and it’s worth it. All of it.”

[myfantasealife]

Princess Treatment [NSFW] Shikamaru NaraXfem!Reader

🌸Shikamaru had his eyes on you just as much as yours were on him. He drove you crazy, but your persistence is finally being rewarded. After months of flirtation, it’s time to take this to the next level.🌸

a/n: Everyone in this au is over 18, if you are a minor pls dni

This is my first time writing smutty stuff so pls bear with me🥲

warning: explicit, oral, modern au, submissive reader, tenderness, fluff

Tonight will be the first night I get to spend time with him off of work. Tension between us had always been tense, but we never found the time to explore it before. His eyes would glare at me as if he has been searching for me his whole life, and I was more than ready to give myself to him. Almost like we were desperate to feel each others touch.

I have been admiring Shikamaru for years, but it wasn't until I became a jonin that he actually started to notice me too. After my promotion, I was assigned on a mission with team 10 to the hidden sand. During that time team 10 had to split up into teams, leaving him and I all alone. Spending that much time together sparked something curious within us.

Countless nights were spent under the stars, sharing our stories through small touches and comments. I got to know what he loved, what he hated, and more than anything, what made him smile. Over time the tension between us became too much to bare. One small kiss led to another, then that kiss led to our clothed bodies grinding, our skin touching, our tongues fighting.

I wanted him so badly but no matter how much I tried to show him, he refused. He wanted me to wait. He wanted to watch me squirm at the touch of his fingers. He liked to watch me beg. For the longest time I thought he was just teasing me, but to him it was so much more than that.

This time was finally going to be different.

Opening my front door, I was in awe of his eyes as they reflected the warmth of the sun. His charming smile grew on his face as he slowly scanned my figure. Licking his lips, indulging in all of me.

I wore a short dress, I mean a REALLY short dress. It was the kind of dress that barely covered your bum, let alone your breasts. Watching his reaction, I could tell that he was pleased to find me looking so pretty for him.

The original plan was for us to meet up with his friends for some sake, but with the way I was looking he could hardly contain himself. His hands gripped me at my waist, pushing me back into my home as he whispered "You look too beautiful for me to share."

Being around him was like ecstasy to me. Fire would instantaneously light up in my heart, burning passionately any time I would see him. Pain did not exist the moment I was in his arms. He was my medicine when I was with him but quickly became my kryptonite when I was without him. And I know he felt the same way about me.

Making him happy quickly became the only thing I ever cared about. He knew that too. Smiling at the lengths I would go to see him elated. Knowing that, he also wanted nothing more than to make me his. Even though he teased me, he always made sure to keep me close. Like he was afraid that at any moment I could slip through his fingers and disappear forever.

He closed the door behind him, pushing me back towards the couch. Shikamaru had always been a calm person, but being around me brought a different kind of animal out of him. Chills traveled throughout my body, feeling his desperate grasp against my skin. My hands gently began caressing his chest, feeling his muscular body through his shirt. Feeling his muscles tense up from watching me admire his every being.

He was typically a lazy guy, but being with me became his new source of energy. He always went out of his way to make sure he was the only person I would ever need. No matter the task, he reminded me constantly that he was the person for me.

His friends knew that too. No one would dare to come near me if he was around. I loved that shit. Being so desired by a calm man that it made him ravenous. It made me crave him even more.

His hands began to study my body, traveling down my waist before reaching my ass. I felt his grip slowly lifting my cheeks up to the top of my couch as his groin pressed firmly against my lower stomach. My folds began growing with anticipation, lusting for his cock.

My arms made their way around his neck, locking his soft lips with mine. My tongue diving further into his mouth, yearning for more of his heart. His taste was everything I have ever craved. Feeling his delicious bulge press against my clothed clit spun my head in circles, making me moan softly into his ear.

He loved getting me worked up. The way my eyes would roll to the back of my head when I would get super wet, drove him crazy. He couldn't keep his eyes off of me. He didn't want to miss a second of the masterpiece he was trying to create.

"I want you." I whispered innocently. He growled into my ear before his lips clasped onto the skin of my neck, sucking on it like a vampire. I could feel my moistened slit dripping onto my thighs, sending tingles all the way down to my toes. His hands lifting me up from the sofa, placing me onto the table. His arm knocked over all of my paperwork onto the ground, making more room for him to worship every part of me.

"Don't be so hasty baby" he teased as his kisses traveled from my neck to my collar bone. His fingers slipped under my dress, tugging at my thong. "I want to experience all of you."

He waited so long for this moment. He could have had me at any time on our missions but he knew that I was too special for just a random fuck. He wanted to worship me. Wanted to treat me in a way that made me never forget about him.

He tossed my panties to the side as he kneeled in front of me. Throwing my legs over his shoulders as his lips began exploring their way to my clit. Placing sweet kisses along my inner thigh, encouraging me to behave for him.

I have never been able to go this far with him before. The build up over the past few months was enough to flood a village, and I couldn't wait for him to find out how badly I needed him. My hands ran through the locks of his hair as he wraps his arms around my legs, pulling me in closer. The warmth of his breath hovering over my clit made me pulse.

The moment his tongue met my mound, my vision became hazy. Feeling the perfect amount of pressure as he rubs it back and forth, tasting the sweet nectar from my womb. My head tilted back, arching my spine, transcending into another world. My mind wandering dangerously for him.

He made sure that he was doing his best for me. I could tell by the veins popping out of his forehead. Those usually came out when he really has to try. His desire to reward me for my patience was unimaginable. Making me whimper after every lick.

My toes curled feeling his lips wrap themselves around my clit, sucking on it ever so gently. His fingers plunged their way into my entrance, massaging me perfectly. The slippery sounds from my folds making his thick cock grow harder for me.

"Fuck!" I whimpered, continuing to grasp the back of his head. I can feel his grin against my pink puffy lips as he continues to indulge in me. Shikamaru always wanted to do this. He always wanted to reward me beyond what I was used to. In the past he would only reward me by touching me through my clothes, pushing me close to the edge every time until I'm practically pleading for more.

He knew that what he did to me was cruel. But he also knew how much more he had to offer me. His meticulous mind, planning every step that would lead to this moment here between my thighs. His desire to make me his growing exponentially after every lick.

Pulling his silken fingers out of my slit, he stood back up to meet my face. Trying to catch my breath as he pulled me in by my chin, planting his wet kiss on me. The feeling of his tongue sliding in and out of my mouth increased my appetite for him. I was desperate to please him.

I jump off the table and got on my knees in front of him. My hands caressing his legs before I unzipped his pants. His cock bulging out of his boxers as I gently kiss the tip. He was glaring down at my submissive body, mesmerized at how eager I was to show him how much I needed him. Watching me as I wrapped my pretty lips around his twitching cock sent tingles down his spine. His hand grabbing the back of my head as he moans,"Good girl".

I would do anything to make him smile.

He inched his way into my mouth, watching me take as much as I could. Tears rolling down my cheeks from chocking on his thick shaft. But I had to show him that I was ready to take it all. I needed him to know that I meant it every time I begged for his touch. My hand massaged his veiny length while the other coddled his balls. I watched as his head tilts back, groaning at the sound of my sloppy mouth.

His pre-cum seeped to the back of my throat, sending chills all throughout his legs. I felt his hand grasp onto my hair as he ripped me off the floor to meet his lips.

Shoving his tongue into my mouth again as his hands began pulling on my dress exposing my breast. One of his hands fondled with my sensitive nipple, while the other unzipped the back of my dress. I let the dress fall to the floor, exposing myself for him to see.

He pulled back, eyeing me down like a predator does to his prey. He could see the sweet nectar between my legs build up as my tender breasts stayed perky for him. His face flushed red at the sight of my pure naked body. My plump ass, my soft skin, he was mesmerized by it all. In his eyes I was a goddess. Everything he could ever imagined was here, with me.

He picked me up again, this time leading to the bedroom. His exposed length pressed perfectly between my folds as he held me close to his chest. He laid me down gently as his lips gently traveled across my chest. His hands interlaced with mine pinning them back above me. "You're perfect for me, you know that?"

His eyes looked deep into mine. I could tell he was getting emotional from all of this. All of the anticipation that we have felt for the longest time was finally here. And we get to experience it, right now. I reach my head up for my lips to reach his, kissing him passionately. He was perfect for me too.

His kiss traveled from my lips to my ear, feeling his warm breath in the nape of my neck. I could feel his heart beating against my chest. Accelerating every second that passes by. His breathing became erratic, like he was holding something back from me.

"Be mine." he whispered in my ear. The intensity of our interlaced hands grew after hearing those words. My eyes widened, turning to look at him but he turned away quickly. Almost like he was embarrassed.

"Nevermind, ignore that." He said, continuing to breath into the nape of my neck. His shaky voice echoing holding back the anxiety in his chest. My heart began to flutter at the thought of him being so nervouse around me. He definitely just asked me to be his, thinking that I would say no terrified him.

"Yes." I said softly, still looking towards him. His eyes quickly darted towards mine, gathering tears as he held me close. He shared his heart warming smile with me.

"Wait, really? You will really be mine?" His voice trembled, hoping that he heard me correctly.

My hand rested on his face, gently rubbing my thumb across his cheek. "Shikamaru, I've always wanted to be yours." That same hand traveled to the nape of his neck, pulling him in closer to me. "I-I love you, Shikamaru."

A soft laugh escaped his lips as a tear rolled down his cheek. The weightless feeling of hearing my words made him so happy that he couldn't hold himself back anymore. Tears of joy collected at the corners of his eyes the longer he looked at me. His lips passionately pressing against mine, pulling me closer to himself. His forehead resting on mine, trying to catch his breath. "I love you too."

The burning passion between us settled into my stomach. I know we both felt relief from this moment. Telling each other how we actually feel instead of hiding behind our Shinobi uniform. I can finally say that I belong to him. That I am only for him. The electrifying feeling of his skin against mine was the only drug I ever needed.

My walls began to throb for his touch. Butterflies filling my stomach as the tip of his shaft grazed between my folds. Arching my back, eagerly waiting for him to plunge his thick cock into my womb. Watching me squirm underneath him was a sight to see. A beautiful woman, giving herself fully to him was something he always imagined with me. His fingers kept digging into my skin like he was worried that I would vanish at any moment.

His veiny shaft massaged the inside of my walls, making me whimper. My moans grew louder with every thrust, gripping his length trying to take as much as I could. He was everything I ever wanted. The way he smells, the way he feels, I was hopeless for him.

I imagined my kids with him, my home with him, everything about my life I could picture with him. Knowing that he felt the same about me began to overwhelm me.

He was overwhelmed too. What he wanted so badly was his before he even knew. He knew I loved him dearly, and he did not want to take that for granted. His dreamy eyes filling with joyous tears was enough to make any woman weak.

His hypnotizing length started taking over all of my senses. Every inch that was thrusted deeper into me was magical. Listening to my cries brought a smile to his face. Fucking me slowly, watching me take him all in amazement.

"You look so beautiful when I fuck you" He whispered in my ear, bringing my legs around his shoulders. Steadying his pace with every sound I made. He adored me. The way I would scream his name every time he went too deep made him yearn for you all over again.

His thumb opened my lips, adding pressure to my clit as his shaft continued to bruise my cervix. Moans escaping his lips as he watched me squirm from the intensity. The way my breast bounced up and down as he railed himself into me was enough for him to lose control of his thoughts.

He finally had me, exactly where I belonged. At the mercy of his man-hood. His love for me only deepened after every twitch he felt from my swollen walls. He knew how badly I wanted him, and now was his time to reward me for my loyalty to him.

The sensations began building up in my cunt, sending waves of arousal throughout my body. His curve fit so perfectly in me, massaging me right where my body had been begging him for. “Shika- I’m gonna- cum!” I cried out as he continued to pound me silly.

He bit his bottom lip while watching me be such a good girl for him. “Come on me baby” he groaned as he quickened the motion of his thumb. His balls slapping harder against my ass, watching the creamy ring form around his cock.

He smiled looking at the mess I made on him. He loved every minute of it. The feeling of me squirting on his length as he watched himself penetrate into my sweet little cunt was enough to bring him to the edge. He pulled out his throbbing cock, rubbing his hands across his veiny shaft until cum rained onto my pretty stomach.

This was worth every night he had to go home with blue balls. Worth every delayed orgasm. He finally got to give me what I deserved, which was all of him.

He leaned down to give me another kiss, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. "You did so well for me, princess." he said to me softly. His sweet smile engraining itself into my mind.

[wvspkick]

Kensei and the others are dead, it's your fault for being weak. "Super Mashiro?" what a joke.

“It’s your fault for being weak.”

Those words hit like a dual headed sledgehammer to the face. The wind was knocked completely out of her lungs, and she forgot how to breathe. Mashiro’s lips quivered, a lone tear threatening to fall. She had failed them all after she’s sworn to protect them all. But what good did it do? Only for her friends to end up like slain cattle. Mashiro had trained for years to be strong, something she had not been for the longest time. If anyone examined her now they wouldn’t believe the juvenile, bubbly, eccentric woman was once a shy and somewhat dour girl who had kept to herself. It was a pale comparison to her childish mannerisms. Mashiro, a child at the time, had been afraid to talk to people and had bouts of low self worth. She used to dream of being someone who could save people, who could help people— one day her mother took her out to a carnival to see performers. And that’s where the spark came from. Mashiro wanted to be just like them ! Adventurous! Daring! Not afraid of anything. That’s probably where she adopted the “Super Mashiro” moniker. Now it was just a joke. Her friends lay dead and she couldn’t stop them from meeting death, the inevitable. Just like she couldn’t save her parents. She felt so damn useless. The very word she used on herself aside from weak. All those years of training and fighting— wasted. Thrown away, just as the lives she held so dear. If a pin dropped she could hear her own heart breaking, silent sobs racking her body. A joke indeed. She couldn’t save her parents, she couldn’t even fight for her friends who’d been her family and only crying was her resolve. Because she was so goddamn weak. Mashiro had wanted to be a hero, one that everyone could rely on and cheer on. That’s why she had worked her ass off for years to get this far. She didn’t want to be weak anymore while she watched her teammates from the sidelines like a good for nothing.

“Kensei… I’m sorry,” she whispered as though he could still hear her. “Lisa, Hiyori, Love, Hachi, Rose— I’m so goddamn sorry.” The next sob she choked on, crying full on tears. That wasn’t going to bring her family back. How pitiful. How weak. She wanted wanted to punch several craters into the wall until her fists were raw, screaming until her throat was raw. But that wouldn’t mend her broken heart. She’d failed more people again. So much for being a super anything.

“I’m sorry mom and dad. I’m so sorry everybody, god I’m so damn pathetic. I’m a waste! What was all that talk and work for huh? I’ve lost everyone I’ve cared about! Super Mashiro— super weak and useless! I’m no one’s hero! Why couldn’t I do better?! Why couldn’t I have been stronger and fought harder!? I finally thought I’d achieved something after the academy… I joined Squad 9. I was happy! I was fulfilling a purpose! Now it’s too late because I was caught lacking, because I didn’t try harder… I promised I’d be stronger and faster. I used to cry my eyes out as a kid because I knew I couldn’t keep up with the others— they all had ambitions and goals. And I was just too meek and a burden. I wanted to make my parents happy, my sister, most of all myself. And now it all doesn’t matter. I lost you all…”

Now they all lay dead. Because it was her fault for being weak. What kind of friend was she to just let them all get killed one by one? She really failed everyone— she could feel her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. She just wanted to save them. She couldn’t. A joke she most definitely was, Mashiro lamented as more tears fell. As though that would resurrect her fallen friends so she could hear the echoing, “It’s all your fault Mashiro.” She knew Kensei would give her that look with those stern brown eyes, disgusted and angry. So many expectations just to drivel them away.

“I’m weak and a joke, and I can’t even apologize to anyone properly…” Mashiro wept silently as the voices won, as her tears remained the only sound other than her fragile heart.

“It’s your fault for being weak.”

Over.

And over.

And over.

And over again that’s what she heard.

“Kensei and the others are dead, it’s your fault for being weak. “Super Mashiro”, what a joke.”

A joke. She was. Weak. She most definitely was certain of this now.

Mashiro screamed yelled for her family, for failing them, herself, her parents, and her promise to keep them safe. It should have been just her, that way the proverbial blood on her conscience wouldn’t haunt her like this for centuries to come.

[thetypingpup]

Fire and Sun AU- Desert Storm

Characters: Storm goddess!Reader, War god!Jaehyun, Flower goddess!Rosé

Wordcount: 2.5K

Content: infidelity, lots of heartbreak and emotions, reader is a menace and causes a natural disaster

Your heart stopped. Your breath stopped. Time seemed to stop for the longest of moments at the sight before you. There, sprawled over your bed, lied one of the gods of war and the one you were promised to. Jaehyun stared at you in bewilderment, though the look on his face was anything but apologetic. He only looked startled that he had been caught in his transgression, his eyes wide and his breath quickening as his mind scrambled for a statement to give. 

And he wasn’t alone. His naked body is intimately entwined with another, one whose name you know to be Rosé. You had seen her around, and you tried not to think much of their friendliness at the gatherings and parties held by the other deities. You tried to ignore the lingering glances and touches that lingered just a moment too long to be fleeting. You tried, stupidly, to have faith in the one you’ve been committed to for longer than five mortal lifetimes. You tried, stupidly, to trust the one that you intended to marry, and you tried, stupidly, to believe that he felt just as strongly about you as you did about him. All of that came crashing down in this moment, and your shattered heart was caught in the crossfire of betrayal. 

Uselessly, Jaehyun called out your name to break the silence, as if he had something to say.

“What?” You snapped sharply, “Could you possibly say to me? That this isn’t what it looks like? That you have some sort of justification for this? Go on, I’d love to hear what you come up with.”

“This was a mistake.” Jaehyun murmurs softly, avoiding your gaze in shame.

“A mistake?” Your voice breaks off in a cackle of disbelief, your arms folding over your chest, “A mistake?! How in the hell do you sleep with someone else, and claim you made a mistake? How do you mistakenly get into bed with someone who you don’t intend to marry??”

“No, I meant us.” His voice hardens with his gaze as he finally faces you, “We, were a mistake.”

You’re absolutely stunned to silence. The wind begins to pick up and blow the curtains with a rustling billow, but you can barely hear it over the pounding of your boiling blood roaring in your ears. You clench your fists in a vain attempt to alleviate some of the tension that begins to gather within you, but to no avail. You breathe heavily through your nose and glare at him, seeing that he appears to have more to say.

“It was a mistake to let it get this far. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” At long last, he finally takes his hands off of Rosé’s naked body, the sheets falling off his form as he sits up and bares himself to you.

Your body trembles from the energy that builds with each passing moment, sharp sparks of resentment beginning to take the place of the love you felt for him. At your disgruntled silence, he continues, “I could feel myself drifting away from you for some time. I was happy about marrying you, excited by the prospects. But the longer we were engaged I realized that you and I… we don’t want the same things. You want unbridled devotion, someone who’s entire world revolves around you. You want someone who is willing to give you not just their body, but their mind, their soul, their entire sense of being. That’s what you were giving to me. You were willing to bring the entire world to a halt for me. I just, I didn’t feel like I could give that to you. I didn’t feel like I could give you the commitment you wanted, and I was terrified to tell you all this time. I’m sorry.”

“And so your solution to that was to fuck someone else on my bed?” You snapped sharply, your eyes flashing gold as lighting began to build at your hands. Slowly, you made your way across the dark marble floor and over to him, the room darkening as dark clouds gathered to block out the moon.

“I thought it was my only way out. I thought it was the only way to snap you out of this…haze that you were in with me.” Jaehyun backed away with each step you took towards him, fear evident in his eyes, fear that was both repressed over time and generated in this moment to convey a truly petrified look.

But that didn’t phase you, not in the slightest. “All this time, Jaehyun, you had all this time to say something to me! You could’ve spoken up anytime you wanted, but no. No, you instead decided to go behind my back, betray my trust, and throw away everything we built together just because your feet would’ve frozen at the altar.”

“If I had spoken up, would you have listened?” Jaehyun retorts sharply, “You had this image in your mind of what you wanted from me, from us, and anything that strayed from that you would’ve shot down.”

“You didn’t even try!” You exclaim, a sharp bolt of lightning flashing outside. Your next words are punctuated by the following roll of thunder, “Jaehyun you didn’t even fucking try! It wasn’t as though I was in a relationship with myself. You had all this time, all these chances, to tell me how you felt. You could’ve spoken up anytime you wanted if that’s how you truly felt, but you didn’t. You gave me no reason to suggest that what you wanted wasn’t what I wanted, so you don’t get to pull the rug out from under me now.”

At this, Jaehyun clenched his jaw and glared at you, as if to say that your entire reaction is furthering his point. You saw a myriad of emotions flash across his face; anger, regret, and most prominently, fear. Your heart ached at the realization that this whole time, he had been afraid of you. He was afraid of how intense your feelings for him were, how you were so intent to become one with him in ways that far surpassed the physical. You wondered how much of the sweet nothings he whispered in your ear night after night were simply meant to appease you, to quell the wild, fervent being he thought you were. 

“Did you love me at all?” Your accusation sounded more like a desperate plea, just one voice crack away from sounding completely unhinged, “Or was it just convenient for you to stay with someone who gave you the intimacy you wanted?”

To that, he didn’t have a good answer, and so he pitifully replied, “I don’t know.”

And that was the final impact that shattered your perception of him. In that moment you knew that all those moments of tenderness, all the affection that had accumulated over the decades, was just a ploy just to keep you available to share his bed. You mourned for everytime he would kiss you and tell you he loved you, for every time he told you that you were the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on, how he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but you. Tears stung your eyes as you were forced to come to terms with the fact that he might’ve said those same things to the one who he was just entangled in an intimate embrace with, and that he might feel more strongly about her than he ever did about you. Why else would he so flagrantly flaunt his transgression in your own chambers? Why else would he decide that now, when it was only a matter of weeks before you would be wed, to spring all of this on you? You couldn’t think of anything more to say.

So you laughed.

You laughed at how ludicrous the situation was. You laughed at how you wasted all these years, years that when accumulated amount to dozens of mortal lifetimes, in love with someone who only wanted you for your body. You laughed at how you let yourself be fooled, falling for his superficial expressions of affection. You laughed at how it took this long to see him for who he really was, and how you let yourself be blinded by the blissful excitement of romance for so long.

Your laughter wracked your body in spasms that became more painful by the moment, making you double over and grasp your stomach. You heard the storm rage on outside, the rain drenching the land below in a violent deluge. The hot sting of tears burned your eyes and you squeezed them shut, letting the salty bitterness blaze a trail down your cheeks. You couldn’t stop laughing, even as Jaehyun tried to approach you, even as the curtains completely blew open to let the rain soak the side of the room. You didn’t care about any of that, unable to perceive anything other than the storm of emotions that raged on within you. You just knew you had to get the fuck out of this room.

With that thought, you traveled with your storm far beyond the land surrounding the Palace of the Sky. You gathered the clouds around you, finding comfort in the turbulent environment of elemental chaos. You made your way across several terrains before making your way to the mountainous region of the east. Concealed in the valley of the mountain pass lied the city state that you knew Jaehyun patroned, the mortals there displaying a devotion to him similar to the one that you once felt towards him.

By now your laughter was indistinguishable from hysterical sobs. You could no longer distinguish between indignant disgruntlement and the deep, searing stab of hurt. Your head was pounding, your body was trembling from the lightning brewing within your being and the bitter bile of resentment welling within your throat with such viscosity you almost choke. All you knew in that moment was anger, and betrayal. All you knew was that the longer you spent staring at the towering monuments the mortals built in his honor, the angrier you became. They needed to know what type of deity their god really was. They needed to know the kind of pain and havoc he could wreak. 

And so, you decided to show them.

You released a blinding bolt of pent of emotion right down on the largest statue of Jaehyun, obliterating the towering statue of marble in a matter of moments. It crumbles to the ground in a heap of broken stone, alerting the mortals and prompting them to begin to run. The following thunder barely warned them of your wrath. You indiscriminately fired bolt after bolt of lightning in random directions, not caring who or what was hit. Buildings, homes, palaces, were all wiped out in violent, blinding flashes. All you cared about was ridding yourself of this awful, suffocating ache that tormented you. 

Fire bloomed from the spots where your lightning made impact, blinding gold giving way to harsh, flickering orange that began to engulf everything in its path. Your tears took the form of boiling rain, so hot that it scalded the skin of those who attempted to flee. Steam rose from the floods that quickly covered the ground, burning the feet of the mortals as they ran. Roadways were destroyed. Rubble completely covered what was left of the ground. Entire livelihoods disappeared within moments, their structures no match for your divine wrath. Their screams increased in volume to become a raucous cacophony of panic, pleading for you to show them mercy. But unfortunately for them, it was far too late for you to consider mercy.

Your crazed cackling continued as this unnatural disaster raged on. Your body was trembling from the sheer volume of despair stirring within you and was only kept suspended in the air by the thick cover of clouds that surrounded you. You directed your attention to the mountains that surrounded them. Their proud peaks were weathered away in seemingly no time, grand earthly structures reduced to fine dust under the weight of your powerful tempest. Anything that was left of the city state was quickly buried in the rocky fallout of their collapse. You couldn’t hear their loud crumbling. You couldn’t hear the way they completely obliterated this entire pocket of civilization. You couldn’t hear the loud gasps of the mortal’s last breaths and the shrill echo of their final screams. You could only hear your own voice screaming in your head at how much of a fool you had been for ever giving your heart to someone like Jaehyun, to someone who would stoop so low just to get a rise out of you. Your storm kept raging until that screaming voice finally quieted, until the pounding in your head and your heart finally let up, until you finally let yourself float back to earth. By then there was no more damage left to do, and no more havoc left to wreak.

By the time day broke, the mountains and the city state were completely gone. Countless monuments and buildings were all buried under fine, granulated rubble. The unlucky ones who weren’t able to flee were buried under the same sand, streaks of red standing out atop the tan landscape. For miles, as far as the eye can see, there was only this sandy wasteland, as if the beaches towards the south had deepened in hue and engulfed the entire land. Without the mountains, the land was completely exposed to the harsh rays of the sun. the sharp arrows of the sun’s rays beat down on the sand dunes, setting the entire area ablaze with blistering heat. The landscape reflected how you felt once it was all said and done; stripped bare, dry, and empty. So terribly, hopelessly empty.

That was the moment you vowed to never give your heart to anyone again. You can’t possibly trust yourself, let alone anyone else, with such feelings. Just look at the damage they cause.

Rosé tried to pick up the pieces as best she could, and tried to salvage what was left of the area. Her efforts were commended by the Primevals, and she was allowed dominion over this section of the earth. By then you felt so numb you let her have the wasteland without argument. You didn’t care what happened to her, or Jaehyun, or this obliterated area. They could become one with the cosmos, or disappear from existence entirely, and it wouldn’t make one bit of difference to you.

From that moment on, the mortals passed a warning from generation to generation: A woman scorned can bring forth a desert storm. Your tale was used as a cautionary one to remain faithful to one’s partner, lest they face your wrath in The Underworld. Everyone is made well aware that infidelity is considered an unforgivable sin to you. But even this, you cared very little about.

All you cared about was the numbness that started to take the place of all the emotions you felt before, and you wondered if it was even safe for you to feel again.

[gxrlcinema]

I posted 3,311 times in 2022

640 posts created (19%)

2,671 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gay-jewish-bucky

@dingdongyouarewrong

@retiredpunkdxd

@aphrogeneias

@dragonsareattackinghogwarts

I tagged 1,810 of my posts in 2022

Only 45% of my posts had no tags

#ilanswers - 429 posts

#ilana.txt - 182 posts

#comment reblog - 162 posts

#anon - 85 posts

#i could queue this all day - 80 posts

#nika👯 - 71 posts

#ipmoshpit - 62 posts

#steve rogers - 60 posts

#stucky - 57 posts

#ren 🐝 - 52 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#maroon / mastermind / paris / anti-hero / you’re on your own kid / would’ve could’ve should’ve / labyrinth / karma / sweet nothing / glitch

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧

PAIRING: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

SUMMARY: Natasha commits atrocities. You turn the stories of them into her sweetest sins. 

A/N: I didn't proofread this but @foreverindreamlandd and @aphrogeneias did so massive shoutout to them. Inspired by "Queen" by Perfume Genius, covered by Sizzy Rocket. Happy pride to the WLWs, here's some angst.

WARNINGS: 18+ minors please dni, foreplay (almost but not quite sex), semi-graphic discussions of death and violence, morally dubious reader

MASTERLIST

See the full post

454 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

#4

psa

i am not going to write a sequel for you when you didn't even reblog the fic.

i am not going to write your request, that you sent to my dms without asking if i take requests, when i have never once seen you interact with my content.

i am not going to tag you in the sequel that i'm not going to write, when you have not even bothered to notice that the fic you're commenting on doesn't have a tag list.

fic writers are constantly begging for you to reblog our fics. to tell us something you liked about it instead of demanding more. if you're reading on this site, it is safe to assume that you've seen a post like this one.

i am not going out of my way for you when your actions demonstrate that you do not care about the time and effort that goes into my work. that you did not think it was worthy of sharing. so no, i am not writing you a sequel, or a request, or tagging you.

please do better when supporting fan creators. <3

814 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#3

attention - part two

See the full post

1,486 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#2

attention | namor x reader

“Please don’t kill Riri,” you step out towards the front of the cell, placing yourself between Namor and your roommate. The g-d has his back to you but you can feel the shift that happens. You’ve caught the g-d’s attention.

Before today, you’d been acquaintances who shared a dorm. Riri had made fun of you for studying folklore and mythology at MIT. You had offered to share your microwave mac and cheese at 2 AM while you crammed for finals.

That feels like it was ages ago now. Riri doesn’t say anything but you feel her tense behind you. She’s a genius after all; with Shuri in the other room and Namor intent on killing her, she has no power over what the g-d chooses to do to you for speaking against him. You are not a genius. Nor are you a princess. And you’re certainly not a g-d. You’re just an idiot who thought her roommate was being abducted and didn’t have the sense not to follow her. Now you’re the prisoner of a Mayan serpent g-d and his blue-skinned merpeople.

Namor turns around slowly, with an air of casualty that strikes a stark contrast to how silent and still the room has gone. His deep brown eyes trail over you, taking in every inch. They spark with something too dangerous to be amusement.

“And who are you?” he asks, his accent flicking over the words like the devil’s forked tongue.

You gulp, but hold your head high. “She didn’t know about your people, she couldn’t have known she’d be putting you in danger.”

He steps forward, the soft pad of his bare feet in contrast with the sharpness of his gaze, the primal grace of his movement. His eyes scan you up and down, taking in every detail of you. You try to hold still, but you’re sure he caught you tensing. The barest hint of smirk tugs at his lips.

“That is not an answer to my question,” he tells you.

He is close enough to the bars of the cell that you can smell saltwater on him, see where it glistens against his exposed golden skin. You’re struck by the idea that this is what it feels like to be caught in a riptide.

“I’ll answer it if you leave her alone,” you reply.

A twitch of his right eyebrow, so quick you’d have missed it entirely if you’d blinked a half second later. Something dangerous glints in the murky depths of his brown eyes. Your veins thrum with the urge to run. You’re glued to the spot. You can’t seem to look away from him, no matter how much Riri tenses behind you, no matter how much your own mind screams at you not to pick a fight with a g-d.

“I asked your name, surface dweller.”

There’s something in his eye. It’s like being swept up in a strong current.

“Y/n,”the words fall from your lips before you’re even aware you conjured them.

“Y/n,” he tries the name on his tongue.

He takes another step towards the bars of your cell, close enough that you can smell the saltwater on his skin.

“What are you doing?” Shuri’s voice echoes on the marble. You don’t glance at her, and neither does he.

“Princess,” he smiles, eyes locked on yours, “I was just meeting your friend.”

He finally, finally turns his head to look at her. The spell is broken. Your eyes dart to Shuri as he moves towards her. Her brow furrows at you, alarms ringing out from behind her eyes. It is then that you realize your eyes are wide. It is then that you realize your chest is heaving.

You watch Namor’s back as he moves to Shuri, his gait less predatory than it had been a minute ago when he advanced on you.

“Come,” he tells her. “We have much to discuss.”

The two of them walk to the door, which he gestures for her to move through first. His eyes catch yours again. His smirk is foreboding, an omen only a g-d could conjure. Your mind begs you to look away. You ignore the omen and the pleading and hold his gaze again. The smirk widens. He walks out the door.

You’re struck with the terrible feeling that this isn’t the last of your interactions with Namor. You’d acquired the attention of a g-d. It is not lost so easily.

part two

2,684 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

it’s getting to be that time of year again so this is a friendly reminder to fanfic writers:

not everyone celebrates christmas

christmas is not synonymous with winter or coziness

calling explicitly non-christian characters/people "scrooges" or "grinches" for not celebrating christmas or not “being in the christmas spirit” is not chill

erasing an explicitly non-christian character/person’s identity by having them participate fully in christmas with no thought to their own religious/cultural traditions is not chill

i'm glad y'all are having fun with your holiday! just please be respectful to the people for whom it isn't a holiday.

19,553 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[passerine-writes]

Silent Sparks - Volt 2

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, muzzling, neglect, angst Word count: 1524

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts Masterlist

Volt 1 | Volt 3

Two weeks.

Every time there's a new foster home, the longest Tsukare stays is two weeks. He either accidentally uses his quirk, the parents don't know sign language and are unwilling to learn, or they get tired with his silence.

Two weeks, that's the average time. Everyone at the foster center has come to realize it as well. Kasumi seemed to be fed up though and now he was on his way to the hospital.

An 'accident', she claimed. Bumping him down the stairs. All he remembered was falling, the world ricocheting around him and then a lot of pain in his foot. Next thing he knew, he woke up in a hospital bed.

"Hello Tsukare, I'm glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?" The topaz haired boy looked around anxiously while the nurse spoke softly to him, only feeling slightly relieved when he saw Oribuko sitting in a chair.

I'm okay.

"I- uh, I'm sorry, I don't know sign language." The olive haired teen jumped in to interpret, voicing whatever the six year old couldn't. "Ah alright, can you tell me what happened?"

I tripped down the stairs.

"Must've been quite the fall. I was curious though, how did you get all these bruises and scars on you?" He paled, not knowing what to say until Kasumi decided to step in.

"He just came back from a foster home, they just keep ending up treating him bad. We already have a report in place against them." He swallowed the lump in his throat, her statement was mostly true. Mostly. He knew what scars came from her and the other kids and which ones didn't. He knew what bruises were from the center and which ones weren't. But the nurse was already convinced. At six years old he could see it on her face.

"Alright, I'm glad that it's being taken care of. Is there any particular reason why Tsukare prefers sign language? Not many kids come here knowing how." Tsukare chewed his lip, not knowing what to do with the situation.

"He doesn't have that great of control over his quirk yet, it's voice based so we have him set up to start quirk counseling soon." The nurse nodded with a soft smile, seemingly happy to hear what a great job Kasumi was doing.

"Perfect. We do have a few things to tell you about Tsukare. While we were placing the cast on his leg, we noticed something odd on the heart monitor. So we hooked him up to the EKG briefly and discovered he has a heart arrhythmia. Thankfully it's not as severe as we thought, but we figured it should be known about. Does Tsukare happen to have any history of blacking out, fainting spells or random times of dizziness?" Kasumi tried to think for a moment but the foster children knew she wouldn't have a clue.

"Yeah, actually he does. Last time he blacked out was probably three weeks ago." The nurse hummed and looked to Kasumi, getting a small nod of approval for the teens statement.

"That would be the cause, make sure to keep an eye on it in the future. It should lessen with age but once he turns ten, I would like him to see a pediatric cardiologist to confirm." The center director nodded, only half listening to what the nurse had to say. "He'll be on crutches for the next eight weeks, so we'll give you an appointment card for his cast removal date."

"Sounds great." Tsukare wanted to recoil at her sickly sweet tone. "So when can we head on out of here?"

"Myself or another nurse will be back within a few hours with the release paperwork and you'll be all set. You all have a nice day, I hope you feel better, kiddo." Tsukare gave her a small nod as she left, Kasumi's demeanor instantly changing as the door slid shut.

"If I have a random inspection now then it's your fault. Do you believe me now? When I tell you that you're more trouble than your worth? If you were normal then maybe you would've been adopted by now." Tsukare bit back tears, not wanting to get in trouble for crying without a reason.

Two weeks was all it took.

——————

Over the next year, Tsukare had been hospitalized many times, in and out of foster homes. Malnourishment, dehydration, blacking out, the list goes on. The most normal one though, was when he broke his wrist by falling off of a small children's merry-go-round at school. He simply lost his grip and his foster parents had to meet him at the hospital. They seemed worried enough but the kid was disappointed that he broke his dominant hand. So he decided he would teach himself to write with both, and he did so in a week. In a single week, he taught himself how to write legibly with his left hand.

Then the two weeks were up. He was back at the foster center. His first day back was also Oribuko's last day there. The day of his eighteenth birthday. Tsukare cried as he held onto the boy who felt like a brother to him. He didn't want him to leave.

"I'll still come visit, okay? Maybe once I go pro and have money saved I can adopt you, yeah?" Tsukare nodded fervently into his chest, sniffling and trying to hide his tears. "I want you to have this." The seven year old watched intently as he delicately slid a string bracelet off his wrist. "Keep this safe for me, okay? And when you get big enough, you can wear it, too. Then you'll always have a piece of your big brother with you." Tsukare held the string with the utmost amount of fragility before holding onto his brother again. He closed his eyes tight so he wouldn't risk his quirk activating as he spoke his next words.

"Please don't leave." Oribuko felt his heart shatter with those three simple words and he brought his brother closer to his chest.

"I don't want to, but I'm too old to stay here." Tsukare nodded, eyes still clenched shut.

"I'm gonna miss you." Oribuko ran a hand through Tsukare's hair, hoping to placate the child because in a few minutes when Kasumi comes down, he would have to leave.

"I'm gonna miss you too, squirt. But don't worry, we'll see each other again." Tsukare leaned back and held out his pinky finger with watery eyes, sniffling when his brother locked his pinky with the formers. "This isn't goodbye forever. It's just goodbye until I see you again." Tsukare nodded and gave him one last hug before his brother had to leave.

Once he was positive everyone was asleep, he brought the small wooden box out from under his bed and tucked the bracelet away for safe keeping. He cried himself to sleep that night, hating the hollow, empty feeling that built up inside of him.

What he hated more, was how nobody acted phased or shocked at Oribuko's departure. Everyone acted indifferent while Kasumi acted smug. He hated it.

——————

Foster home after foster home failed, more battle scars littered his body and in the summer he adorned a long sleeve shirt to hide his injuries. Nobody at school suspected a thing, and if they did, they didn't say anything. The teachers ignored all the signs of neglect and abuse, they ignored his silence.

The only one that spoke to him was Nakami, until the slightly older child got sent to a foster home and didn't come back. That night changed his life permanently. He broke down into hysterics, crying alone in a now empty bedroom. Then one of the kids told Kasumi he was 'using his quirk'. It wasn't true but nobody there cared about his side of the story.

Kasumi came upstairs, her feet pounding with every creaky step until she barged into the room. The painful contraption forced onto his face and he was told to learn how to behave and not hurt his family. So once everyone was asleep, he quietly packed his bag. The wooden box stored at the bottom, his few clothes, his school uniform, the bit of money he saved up, his notebooks and pencils and he was ready to go. He waited outside Kasumi's door, waiting to hear the snoring from her room to tell him it was safe before he tiptoed down the outer edges of the stairs. Without looking back, he walked out and then started running. He didn't know where he was running to, but once he found a decent looking bench in the dead of a cold night, he claimed that as his bed temporarily. He tried his hardest to get the muzzle off, but it was a new one and eventually he gave up, opting to curl in on himself to preserve body heat until he heard the crunch of the frost on the grass.