Holidaze
let love grow
(the core four friendsgiving we all deserve)
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“Do you even know how to cook a turkey?”
Sam paused her search for the basting pan -she could’ve sworn she had one- to sigh and roll her eyes. Tara had been second-guessing her decisions since they decided to throw this “Friendsgiving feast” that the twins thought of.
New York was a year ago. They were far away, in a new city, with all their friends nearby. It seemed like a good idea to host a family get-together.
Up until Tara’s sudden culinary degree kicked in.
Her sister frowned. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you know how to cook.”
Snagging the basting dish, Sam pulled back, slamming the counter door shut. “Tara, go get the vegetables out.”
Tara saluted Sam, heading to the fridge. “Sure thing, Chef Ramsey.”
Meanwhile, Sam got lost in her prep haze. She had to clean the turkey, season it, and cut the vegetables. Tara would need to mash the potatoes and make the biscuits from a can. It all had to be done within the next six hours.
Humming, Sam set up the cutting board and grabbed her favorite knife. She almost didn’t notice that Tara had sidled up next to her.
She turned to face Tara, knife in one hand, a head of celery in the other. “What’s up, baby?”
Her little sister shrugged, her eyes fixated on the cutting board. “Can you show me?” she asked in the quietest, most timid voice.
Sam couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. She would do anything for that sweet little girl she knew and loved so well.
Nodding, Sam lined up the vegetables, making room for Tara to stand next to her. “Okay, first, we line 'em all up like this…”
—
Before the two knew it, it was already time for the rest of the group to come. First, Gale arrived, already buzzed, holding bags of chips.
“You really wanted me to cook?” she snarkily said, throwing the chips at a disgruntled Tara.
Sidney came later on, holding a couple of homemade pies. Tara’s eyes lit up with joy at the sight. She was always smitten with a good apple pie. Sam should’ve made one.
Eventually, the twins arrived thirty minutes late, both kids gripping heaping food containers and several bottles of wine. Sam grinned wide at the sight, reaching out to grasp the precarious bottle that dangled in Chad’s hand…
…Only for it to slip and spill all over Sam’s shirt.
The room went silent, the laughter dying out. Everybody froze at the sight of the wine-stained shirt, Sam’s wine-stained shirt.
Without thinking, Sam turned and bolted for the bathroom, Tara following suit.
——-
“Stupid. So fucking stupid,” Sam hissed, dabbing at the wine splotches on her shirt.
It took everything in her not to taste the wine-stained fabric.
Fuck. Her mouth was watering, and her head was cloudy. Did wine always smell that good? Was that Chardonnay? She loved Chardonnay. Maybe just a taste. One lick. She’s done worse for a hit.
But she knows. Oh god, does she know what one dab, line, and drink could do. Down the rabbit hole into the darkness, she barely crawled out alive the last time.
That had just survived New York. She couldn’t do this to the group— especially not her little girl. It would tear them apart. Sam couldn’t survive being the reason that breaks her family.
All over a stupid bottle of spilled wine, all over her shirt.
Once an addict, always an addict.
“It’s just alcohol. Just fruit juice. For adults. It’s not a big deal. Fucking snap out of it, Sam,” she cussed.
But it wouldn’t go away.
“Stop it. Stop fucking thinking of that. Grow up. Grow fucking up!”
“Sam?”
Shit. Tara.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m almost done here—just a spill. Be out in a minute,” Sam called, trying to suppress the anxiety rising within her.
“Let me in.”
That wasn’t a question. It was a command. Without thinking, Sam unlocked the door and let her sister in.
Tara walked in slowly, surveying the bathroom. One look at Sam, and she could tell that Tara knew. Sam’s frantic hair, her wild eyes, her shaking hands— all pointed to an alcoholic freaking out over a spilled drink.
Without saying anything, Tara held out a hand, asking for the wine-soaked rag in Sam’s hand. Sam handed it to her without thinking, afraid of the stoic look on Tara’s face.
As Tara took it, pursing her lips, Sam needed to back down. She was too much. Too raw. She had to reel it in. “It’s fine, it’s just-”
“Let me help you,” Tara said, cutting Sam off before she could continue babbling.
Sam snapped her mouth shut. “Okay.”
Tara hummed, turning on the tap to wet the rag. The two watched the faucet run, the noise of the water filling the buzzing in Sam’s head.
Her little sister started to wash the shirt, her lips in a tight line. “I understand, you know. I told them to keep it away from you. Don’t worry. I’ve got you, too,” Tara whispered.
Bowing her head, Sam conceded. Of course, her little sister knew. She always knew. How could Sam ever forget?
“Thank you, my love.”
Tara paused from wiping off Sam’s shirt, and before Sam could react, she darted forward, kissing Sam’s cheek. Before Sam could say anything, Tara was out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Sam turned back to the mirror, noticing the fresh shirt and bra left on the countertop, neatly folded. Next to it was a garbage bag, the message clear.
Trash the shirt. We can replace it. We can’t replace you.
Who was Sam to argue with her little sister?
——
Once Sam finally exited the bathroom, she found everybody sitting at the dinner table, anxiously awaiting her arrival. Steaming food was strewn across the tabletop, napkins folded neatly on each plate. Soft murmurs of conversation stopped once Sam got to the table, the only sound being the flickering of candles Tara had lit.
Upon seeing Sam’s new outfit, Chad winced, his mouth open comically wide. Apparent panic and remorse were reflected in his eyes, and everyone else around the table looked somber.
He stood up, his hands up in surrender. “Shit, Sam, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking-”
Sam waved him off, calming him down with a small smile. “It’s okay. Let’s just sit down and eat, yeah?”
Chad smiled gratefully, mouthing thank you. Sam just nodded and sat at the head of the table, surveying the people around her. Sidney was at her left, Mindy at her right. Across from her was Tara, looking at Sam with such soft and gentle concern that it made her heart ache.
I love you, she mouthed.
Tara smiled at her, eyes shining. I love you, too.
With her heart now full and her stomach empty, Sam clapped her hands, suddenly excited to eat. “Well, what do healthy families do at dinner?”
“Say grace?” Mindy suggested, clasping her hands together.
Chad nodded enthusiastically while Gale shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt,” the woman remarked, taking another swig of her drink.
Sam nodded. “Yeah, alright. Who wants to do it?”
The group all looked at one another, raising eyebrows and silently asking someone to step up.
“I will,” Tara said, looking at Sam pointedly.
That’s her girl. That’s her Tara.
“Okay, baby. Go ahead,” she softly said, smiling at her girl.
Tara smiled at the name, her dimples popping. Sidney held out a hand for Tara to take, the rest of the group reaching out and clasping hands together. Sam watched her little sister bow her head, everyone else following suit. Only when she saw her little sister close her eyes did Sam also bow her head.
“Well, after all we’ve been through, I’m not sure if there’s a God,” Tara began, pausing for the giggles and murmurs to die down.
“But I do believe in family. And the people around me are the best family I’ve ever known. I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for them. I love them all, and I would do nothing,”
“That being said, I want to say how thankful I am for my big sister. Sam is the strongest person I’ve ever known, and I believe in her like one would in God. She is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.”
“Uh, amen?” Chad said.
The group broke apart, giggling and sniffling. Chad reached over to dig into the roast while Mindy started handing out napkins, Sidney and Gale topping off their drinks.
While the table was alive with conversation and movement, all Sam could do was take in the girl across from her in all her glory. Her little girl was something to behold. Such a powerful and beautiful girl she was, with potential that would surely leave a mark on the world in a good way- unlike the Loomis blood that tainted Sam’s reputation.
She wonders if Tara knows how much she loves her and how she would move heaven and earth to make her smile. She would kill again for her little sister.
Instead of moving to dish up food, Tara was doing the same thing, just watching her big sister.
Tara and Sam just watched each other, thousands of words left unsaid in the air.
It didn’t matter. They had each other. That was all that needed to be said.
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