#from hwa. text

[hwares]

Hala, tag! Estou preparando os próximos guias e tutoriais que planejo postar, mas gostaria de aproveitar e pedir sugestões! Para quem não sabe, eu faço guias e informativos de escrita assim como tutoriais de notion (e, possivelmente, algumas outras ferramentas). Eu vou deixar no read more alguns dos guias que estou escrevendo, mas, se alguém quiser dar uma sugestão, seria ótimo para saber se tem algo específico que os residentes desta tag gostariam.

[GUIA] Como montar / pesquisar background de personagens

[GUIA] Quando e como usar exposição e diálogo em turnos para desenvolver personagens

[GUIA] Como escrever / desenvolver turnos grandes

[jensthwa]

show & tell (SMG x reader).

part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.

SUMMARY:

You have known Mingi since you both were fourteen. You’ve been by his side through thick and thin and you would do anything for him, really, considering he’s your other half. When he has an unfortunate bed experience and asks for your help and you say yes, he starts considering that, maybe, you’re just the best friend a guy like him can have.

PAIRING: best friend!mingi x afab reader.

GENRE: childhood best friends to ?

WORD COUNT: 8k.

WARNINGS: SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) attempt !!! at comedy, wooyoung being a little shit, hwa being the voice of reason, sex talk, pet names (love and also dude and bro but in a sweet way), mingi scaring the sense out of you, descriptions of female anatomy, kissing, dirty talk (sort of), teasing, a little bit of voyeurism, fingering, squirting, almost getting caught, unresolved feelings.

NOTES: had to do a lot of research for this one, so i figured nothing better to post as my first fic here! this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send to my askbox/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3

POSTED: july 18th 2024.

masterlist. / part two.

“Delete her number right now!” 

“She's such a bitch for saying that to you…” 

“And over text too? Wow.” 

“Yeah, no, I didn't like her from the start.” 

Wooyoung’s living room comes to life once again that morning, voices echoing and insults flying out, all towards the girl Mingi’s seeing. 

Was seeing. You're sure she's out of his usual rotation with the lovely shit show she just caused. 

You stay silent, your eyes fixed on your best friend's expression, on his red cheeks and apologetic eyes because everyone told him that girl was bad news. 

He should've listened to you when you told him you liked her friend better. She was a sweet girl, clearly had a thing for Mingi. 

Unfortunately, Mingi has a type. And that type always ends up breaking his spirit one way or another. 

But you stay silent, letting your friends have their little rants about how much of a bitch she is for hurting Mingi's ego like that, until he covers up his face with his hands and lets out a frustrated whine. 

“That's enough, everyone. I think he got it.” You smile a little and everyone turns to you, Yunho’s chest heaving and everything but Seonghwa (who also kept his mouth shut all this time) interferes before anyone else has the chance to start again.

“You know you shouldn't feel ashamed for that, right?” he asks Mingi, who slowly lowers his hands to his lap and looks at you for a brief second. You nod, confirming what Hwa says “No one is born knowing everything and she shouldn't expect you to know how to make a girl squirt.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Mingi whines again, closing his eyes “Don't say it like that.” 

“How else should I say it?” Seonghwa is confused but he laughs a little bit and turns to you. 

Being the only girl in the room, you think everyone it's expecting you to pick your friend up and join them in their insults but you can't (for Mingi’s sake). Instead, you let out a sigh “I mean, it's hard to even make it happen on your own without any help, Mingi. I don't know what the fuck she's on but…” shrugging, you extend your arm to pat him in the shoulder two times “Hwa’s right.” 

“So you do know?” 

“Woo—” Hongjoong reprimands right away and you turn to Wooyoung, confused.

“Huh?” 

“You said that it's hard making it happen,” he explains, smiling because he just found a new target for the next few days “So you must know.” 

Talking about sex with them was never difficult, it didn't make you uncomfortable whatsoever but you know what Woo is doing. 

You look down at Mingi before answering though and his eyes are glued to the carpet, begging for the topic of his unfortunate encounter with that bitch to die on everyone's tongue. 

So you take mercy on him. 

“Oh. I mean… Yeah.” You shrug once again, leaning back against the cushions on the couch while Wooyoung claps like he just heard the most hilarious joke ever. 

“You truly are amazing.” 

Rolling your eyes, you get up from your comfy seat “Sure. But it took a lot of practice and the whole ordeal was frustrating for me, so, again, I don't know what the fuck she was on,” you say again, smiling down at Mingi before taking a few steps towards the door “It's noon already, by the way.” 

“Shit.” Woo gets up quickly from his spot on the floor and everyone else follows suit. 

“Alright, everyone out! We have a midterm to cheat on.” San calls out and everyone takes it as their sign to actually leave (not just hang around the apartment) and continue with their days. 

This reunion was a little impromptu, just because Wooyoung texted everyone begging to come over and hang out with him and San before their online philosophy midterm. 

“And by that he means that you need to stay,” Wooyoung hugs Seonghwa hard, almost begging him with his eyes “We didn't study… Don't look at me like that! Please?” 

“I'm not doing your fucking midterm for you!”

You chuckle, leaning on the door and waiting for your ride home to get his shoes on. When you look down at him again, Mingi mouths a thank you and you blow him a kiss. 

When you get downstairs, you swear you still hear Wooyoung begging his senior to take the test for him. 

Everyone is quiet in the car. You can tell they're tired from exams and life in general, so you don't press them with questions and just let the music play in the background while you look out the passenger window and, eventually, at Mingi. 

His grip on the steering wheel lets you know he's a little more affected than he let on back there. But, again, you say nothing. 

You know better than to pressure him into telling you his feelings. 

Mingi and you have been friends forever. He lived a few houses down from yours, becoming your first friend when you moved to the city. You both were fourteen when it happened, so you've known him long enough to know what happens when he gets his heart broken. 

Not that Mingi loved that girl or anything, but he never really took embarrassment well. He didn't when the first girl he liked rejected him in front of the whole ninth grade class and he didn't when his pants ripped in the middle of the stage while performing a routine with his dance team on senior year. 

You stood by his side every single time and every single time he waited to sit down and let everything out, collect his feelings and talk to you through his frustrations. You really loved that about him, because he never said anything he regretted just because he was upset at the moment. 

Maybe that's why you two have been friends for so long. Opposites attract, or whatever your mother told you one time. 

In reality, you think it's because you two complement each other well. 

He knows when to speak his mind and you're kind of impulsive, heart on your sleeve and sharp tongue ready to defend your and your loved ones honor if needed. 

That's why it takes a lot of strength for you to not pull up that girl's number from his phone and give her a piece of your mind. 

One by one, you drop your friends off in different parts of the city and when it's time to go into your own house, you circle the car and Mingi rolls his window down.

He reads the look you give him a little too well, so he opens his mouth to stop you but you shake your head. 

“Call me, come over or just let me know if you need anything,” you start before he says anything “If you need me to beat her up, I can do that too.” 

He huffs out a laugh “You don't even know how to fight, love.”

You sigh at the nickname, he's been using it since the time you told him you had a crush on his friend, way back in highschool, and that you were positive you were going to get together and he would call you love because that's what good boyfriend's do. 

Turns out, you weren't exactly his friend's type. Neither were the other girls in your school. 

“I don't give a shit, I'll do it,” You two smile to each other fondly for a few seconds and then you tap the top of the car “Thanks for the ride, dude.” 

“You’re welcome, bro.” He rolls his eyes, annoyed because he hates when you call him that, but waits for you to get inside either way. 

And in the solitude of your room, you wait. 

You distract yourself with papers that are due in a few days, you start studying for your finals even though they're months away and you even go downstairs to say goodbye to your parents when they leave for a fancy dinner with their colleagues before you hear your phone ring. 

Mingi's FaceTime comes right on time, because you were getting really anxious from the radio silence on his end. 

“I have a small query for you.” He puts on an accent that makes you grimace immediately and he laughs at you. 

“Ew. Never do that ever again,” you beg, going back upstairs to your room “Go ahead.” 

“How do you do it?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“How the fuck do you make yourself squirt, love?” 

Oh. 

Definitely not the conversation you were hoping to have with him. 

It catches you off guard and you stammer your response “Um… You— I mean, it's not really a thing I can explain.” 

“You have such a way with words, though.” 

You stare at him through the screen, annoyed, and he just laughs again “Don't make me come over and beat you up.” 

“Alright, alright,” his giggling dies out and you distract yourself from the heat you feel creeping over your cheeks while putting away your statistics prep for the quiz you have next week. There's a bit of silence and then you hear him sigh “I do really want to know, though.” 

“If you're asking me this to then go over to her house and prove her wrong, I'm not telling you shit.” 

“No! No, that's not it at all,” he defends himself quickly when you turn your head to the camera, scowl in your face “When she asked me to do it, I really did try to make her, you know…” 

“You said squirt so freely a minute ago, Mingi,” you tease, smiling, but at his expression, you give in “What exactly did you do?” 

“I tried to, you know, do it like they do it in the movies,” he demonstrates his point with his free hand, his middle and ring finger down on his sheets, pressing and moving side to side “And she was enjoying it and she came, but nothing really… came out.” 

“Wow, first of all: you make her come and she has the nerve to give you shit over text? I hate her,” you shake your head, disappointment written all over your face “and second of all, that was a terrible mistake.” 

“What? Going like this?” He does it again and you roll your eyes, laughing a second later. 

“No, dude, trying to porno your way into making her squirt.” 

“Oh.” His movements on the sheets slow down and you grimace again. 

“Please stop doing that,” you beg and he snaps out of his thoughts to look at you through the screen. You take your phone and move to the bed, resting your head against the pillows with a huff. 

You ponder for a moment. You're sure telling him what he wants to hear it's not really a threat to your friendship, but it's also something that's very personal and intimate. You can talk about sex with Mingi and the other guys, sure, what doesn't mean you tell them about your sex life. 

Maybe that's why Wooyoung was so excited earlier today, because you spilled something that involves you directly and not something vague and general like you usually do. 

“Would it give you peace of mind if I explained it to you?” You ask, your voice barely a whisper as you sit straight on the bed. 

Your best friend takes what feels like a lifetime to respond and, when does, it's in a hushed tone as well “Please.” 

You groan and you comply either way, trying to find the right words to even start “Okay, I'm going to be very technical about this.” 

“I wouldn't expect anything else from you.” 

His teasing tone makes you glare at him for a few seconds before dismissing it with a click of your tongue “The very first thing you need to make sure happens, is that you wash your hands—” 

“Yes, Y/N, I'm not a virgin,” he huffs this time, annoyed “I know all of that, just skip to the part where I make her squirt.” 

“Jesus, fine! I also want to clarify that this works on me and I'm not really sure if it'll work on anyone else, alright?” he nods and you look away from the screen because you're not sure how to look him in the eyes “The first thing that I do— The first thing that you need to do,” you correct yourself quickly “Is make sure she's comfortable. And I mean, the space. Towels, water bottles… She needs to hydrate a lot.” 

“Hydrate… a… lot…” You turn your head to the screen and your jaw goes slack at what you see. 

“Are you writing this down?!” 

“I’m making sure I don't forget anything!” 

“You're unbelievable…” You let out under your breath and take a deep one before resuming the, apparently, class “Squirting can be confused as peeing and—” 

“Shit, hold on.” He interrupts and you hear his mom’s voice at the door, asking him something you can't really catch through the shitty airpod audio “It's just Y/N… I'm not really saying anything so I don't understand how I'm being too loud for— Yes ma'am.” 

You try not to laugh because he's literally being scolded right in front of you. 

Old habits die hard, and Mingi's mom loves to put him on the spot. 

Your laugh dies hard as well, because the next words, for some reason, make your heart drop to your ass. 

“She's telling me to either cut it out or go to your house, so… I'm coming over.” 

“Oh, I— Hello?” Your lockscreen mocks you because the call literally ended before you could tell him to go and fuck himself “Shit.” 

You don't know why you panic, but you do. You tidy up the room, you change your pajamas into something more presentable and you try to remember what you were telling him before he pulls open your bedroom door. 

“Mingi! Fuck, you scared the shit out of me “ you're panting, hand over your chest. 

He’s also panting, like he runned to get to your house, but he looks dumbfounded by your reaction “Your mom literally gave me the spare keys in your presence.”  

When he steps closer, you notice he's wearing cologne and that his hair it's a little wet, still, so you figure he took a shower before calling you tonight. 

Which means he probably wanted to sleep everything off, like he usually does, but whatever this is made him call you. 

“Yeah! But I thought you— Nevermind.” He shrugs and gives your hair a kiss before he moves to sit at your desk, the same way he usually does when he steals your laptop and notes to complete his assignments for the few classes you share. 

God. Somehow, you wish he was doing just that so it brings back some sense of normalcy. Maybe then, your heart can calm down enough for you to understand why this specific situation has your senses going insane. 

You sit back down on your bed and try to get your heart back to its place in the meantime. 

“They're not home, right? I didn't see your dad’s car.” 

“Company dinner.” 

“Ah.” He nods and you both fall in uncomfortable silence. It shouldn't be awkward, but it kind of is, even if you laugh when he pulls out the notebook he was writing on from underneath his oversized shirt and steals a pen from your pencil case, it's still a little weird. 

You gulp. 

“So, squirting can be confused as peeing.” He recalls the last thing you said with a smile and then he turns to look at you for a second “Go on.” 

You're grateful he's taking notes all of the sudden. He's turned to you, so you have a clear view of his back and you can freely take a grounding breath before continuing “It can make you feel very uncomfortable if you think you're going to pee yourself and that's really why most women don't squirt in the first place.” 

“You sound like you're reading a textbook.” He confesses with a laugh. 

“I told you, I'm being very technical about this— Besides, I did my research when I was trying to…” you gulp again “You know.” 

“You said squirt so freely a minute ago.” Mingi teases you the same way you teased him earlier and you squint your eyes in return. 

“Very funny. Anyways… Yeah, when you feel that, you usually tense up. You need to relax before even making it happen,” he nods, writing it down quickly “I also read that, depending on the person, you can confuse the liquid with, like, usual… arousal? Yeah, arousal” you sound more confident the second time you say it, unsure on how to call it because you never really explained anything related to your vagina to anyone else. 

He turns to you, confused “So… If she doesn't squirt a lot, how can I tell if she did it?” 

“I guess you'll notice it in her reaction?” You shrug and then cough a little to try and get rid of the sudden lump on your throat “I mean, it's not my case, so I wouldn't… I wouldn't know that.” 

Mingi, because -you guess- hates you, just raises a brow and looks you over one time before turning back to his notes. 

“A-anyways,” you cough again “It's all in her g-spot. It happens because it gets stimulated and that g-spot it's like…” you, once again, try to find the ideal words to explain “It's like the upper wall of the vagina? No, no, that's not right,” you see him draw a line over what he clearly wrote down on the paper and you laugh, apologetic “It's more like the, uh… Like the front wall of it.” 

“Front wall?” 

“Y-yeah?” you offer, nervous and unsure “I mean… Ugh, let me explain again. Something that you need to take into account is that you can only find it if she's really, really turned on.” 

“O… kay.” 

“Sort of like when you get hard we, uh, also get hard. Just differently,” you notice he's no longer taking notes when you turn to him again and the room is suddenly very hot. 

The AC’s on, right? 

Fuck. 

“And apparently it only really shows up when you're really aroused. The g-spot, I mean,” Quickly, you're up from your bed and walking around it, fetching your water bottle and taking a big gulp of it with your eyes closed. 

Mingi clears his throat a second later. 

“So it feels hard to the touch or…” 

“Not really, um… It kinda feels like a berry.” 

He laughs “What?” 

“Yeah, it's kind of soft but it has a texture to it too. And we, uh… have this gland that fills up with the liquid— Kind of like a prostate gland! Yeah, that's what that article said,” putting even more distance within Mingi and you, you sit back on the bed, just on the other side “If you try to do it before it fills up, you end up with nothing. That's what frustrated me the whole time I was learning how to do it.” 

“You didn't drink enough water?” 

“No, no— It fills up when you get really turned on. And when I was trying, I was trying way too hard and didn't, uh… I didn't do a lot of foreplay before trying, s-so.” You nod, finishing the explanation in a softer voice. 

Your cheeks feel hot and you swear your upper lip is sweating a bit. Why would you even say that? 

“Y-you didn't touch yourself enough or…?” 

“Exactly, I didn't, I just… Tried t-to stimulate it. Wasn't even wet enough so I used, uh, lube.” 

“Oh… Lube. Sure, okay.” He nods again, and then moves his hand over his face, looking away for a second “And then?” 

“I'm not really sure how to… Give me a second.”

What were you even telling him before exposing yourself like that? Before the tension in the room skyrocketed in a suffocating way? You're not sure. 

Oh, foreplay. Okay, what's next? 

“Fingering,” you say out loud when you remember and at the sudden word Mingi turns to you, eyes wide and you stumble over your words yet again “Y-you need to finger her to stimulate the g-spot, duh.” 

“Don't duh me, Y/N, I'm learning!” 

“Sorry!” 

“Okay! Now what do I do when… fingering.” 

That makes you frown. You're not really sure what to tell him next. So you look straight ahead and, unintentionally, move your ring and middle finger the way you do when you're touching yourself. 

In the silence of the room, you audibly hear Mingi’s breath hitching and that draws you back to reality. 

When you look at him, his eyes are solely focused on your fingers. 

“I don't really know how to explain this next part.” You sound apologetic, your lips tensing into a straight line. 

A bit passes. 

And then another one and another one where Mingi looks at you with a weird, foreign expression on his face. 

So you open your mouth to apologize to him, but he beats you to it. 

“Then show me.” 

You swear you never even heard him sound like that before. Or maybe you have, the tone of voice similar to when he just wakes up, low, grouchy, as if his throat might be dry. 

It just never affected you this way. 

“W-what?” you blink hard, a few times, trying to focus on whatever the hell is going on. 

“Show me how you do it… I-if you want to.” 

“Mingi!” 

“I just— Look, you don't have to,” he says right away “If you don't want to, you can forget I ever asked but I'm so… curious”, he says, getting up from your desk chair and planting his knee into the bed “And I'm also really butthurt over what happened. I want to learn but I don't really have anyone else to ask.” 

“What about, uh… Minseo! Yeah, what about her?” you offer quickly, also getting up. 

“San's ex?!” 

“I don't know any other woman that you also know, Mingi!” 

He gulps and breathes heavily, gathering his words, his thoughts, just like he always does and you remember: This is Mingi. Your Mingi. The Mingi you've known for years and care about more than anything. 

“I'm asking you because I trust you,” he says, looking you over once again “And because if I fail, you're not… going to make fun of me for it.”

There it is. 

You soften at that and he seems to relax at your reaction. His demeanor lets you know he's not just saying that because he wants to see you touch yourself, he's being honest. 

So you decide to be honest, as well. In a whisper, because your voice will tremble and give away how strongly you feel about his request. 

“I've never done it in front of anyone before.” 

“So no one has ever make you—” 

“No,” you confirm before he even gets it out and you sigh “I never ask for it and I haven't really… I've only slept with—” 

“Hangyeol.” He nods and scrunches his nose in disgust at the memory of your highschool boyfriend. They never really got along and it was a shame, because Han was a great guy, he just wasn't the one for you. 

“Mingi,” you walk over to him and he straightens up his spine “This could really… I mean, there's no getting rid of me in this lifetime, buddy,” reminding him makes him smile and you do as well, nervous, your body on high alert “But this could mess us up.” You finish in a whisper. 

“I'm not letting that happen.” He says back, eyes scanning your face before zeroing on your eyes “There's no getting rid of me either, love.” 

That nickname is going to be the death of you, you're sure. It makes you suck in air you very much need at this moment. 

Fuck it. 

“I'll… get the towels, then.” You smile a little even though your cheeks are burning and you feel a little dizzy while holding his gaze, but you don't back down. 

Before you move, though, he stops you with his hand holding your waist “I know where they are. Stay here.” 

You could literally melt right now. And you know it's a short trip to the downstairs hallway closet from your room, so you make sure you strip your duvet before things get messy. 

You should go to the bathroom, too, to clean yourself up a bit before Mingi finds out what you find out when you sit on your bed. 

You're so wet. 

And it's so fucking embarrassing, because you're not supposed to feel this way for him, for this.

Because, if anything, this is clearly just an educational experience.

And if Mingi’s excited look when he re-enters your bedroom tells you otherwise, you're choosing to ignore it for the clearly educational experience’s sake. 

“These will do?” 

You take the two mismatched towels and place them on the bed right away, not even looking at him. 

“Yep.” 

You think he nods but you're not sure, you just caught a glimpse of him moving towards your desk while you pretend to fix the towels in the bed to perfection. 

“Okay, so… You need to, uh, be comfy and shit. Drink water, you just did that a few minutes ago…” when you turn to him, he's reading his notes like he's actually about to conduct an experiment and you chuckle before shaking your head “The… The foreplay part should be next, right?” 

“Right…” you drag out, biting the inside of your cheek before he looks back at you. 

“You look really tense, Y/N,” he deadpans, looking down at his notes again “You need to relax so it can happen, right?” 

“You're about to see me touch myself and you think I can relax?” 

“Oh,” he frowns, immediately and then blinks a few times to refocus, you think “I'm not the one doing it?” 

“Uh… Yes? Later? I thought you wanted to see me first, y-you… You asked me to show you…” 

You can feel him think, the gears on his brain twisting and you think he's going to backpedal at any second because he's not really saying anything. Then you see it, the moment the image crosses his mind. 

And the next second you have him in front of you, towering over your form and then he's not.

Getting on his knees, he tentatively places a hand on your knee and parts your legs so you can make room for him to touch the end of the mattress with his chest and raise his chin just enough to make you think he's asking you to kiss him.

Oh God, you want to kiss him. 

His voice is a sweet murmur when he speaks again “Show me how to get you there, love,” he sounds like he's pleading, like he's begging you to instruct him and your breath catches when he moves his hand up your thigh “What do you like?” 

Your mouth moves before you can even think “Kiss me.” 

You don't even notice you're leaning forward until his breath fans against your chin and he tilts his head even more so that your noses touch. 

“How do you like being kissed?” 

You breathe out a laugh, a little annoyed by his constant questioning “Figure it out, Mingi.” And then the last thing you see is his smirk before his mouth presses against yours. 

It's not what you expect. If anything, you expected him to take the lead. Han used to do so, all the guys you've ever kissed did it as well. You don't really know why his patience surprises you, but it does and if your heart could race even more, it would. 

Because he waits for your guidance, waits for you to grab his shirt and jank him closer, waits for you to sigh against him and then returns the gesture when he feels your fingers move upwards and tangle in his dark hair. 

His mouth is complying to yours, his tongue is exploring it and wetting your lips in the process and you've never felt this good with anyone before. 

That's something you'll need to unpack later, but your brain disconnects when your best friend lets out a noise the second his hands touch your waist under your shirt and you forget, for a split second, that the point of this is to have you on your back pleasing yourself for him to learn. 

Because you want nothing more than to hear him make that noise again. 

The kisses grow needy and so do you when he trails a path with his wet lips from your chin to your neck and the next thing you know is that your back is against the towels you laid down before and his mouth is kissing the valley of your breasts over the cotton of your shirt. 

You look down and it takes a second for him to feel you staring before he looks up at you “Should we take this off?” 

Your voice gives away how gone you are when you reply a simple yes and your shirt is on the floor the next instant. 

Now, you're sure this is not the first time Mingi has seen you in your underwear. You both have gone swimming before and he has walked into your room a million times while you're getting ready. You're even sure he's seen you walk out from your bathroom in this specific bra before… But he's staring at you like it's the first time he's been able to trace the way your breasts spill a little bit over the fabric of this old bra you decided to wear today, like it's the first time he's allowed himself to enjoy it. 

Like it's the first time he's allowing himself to feel any sort of attraction for you. 

“Fuck,” you whisper, shallow breath hitting his cheek when he returns his mouth to your jaw “Let me… Come here.” 

You scoot up until your head rests against your pillows and he follows, resting his body weight on his side and chasing your mouth when you turn your face to him. 

You should speed this up. There's no way you're not going to feel like shit if tomorrow you wake up and remember you're letting yourself enjoy this more than you should. 

There’s no reason for you to lose your breath when his fingertips trace softly the skin under your breasts or for your legs to grant him access so quickly when they reach your belly and bypass every other part of your body before going straight in between them. 

And he notices it too. 

“I don't know why I asked you so many questions before,” he starts, turning his hand so that he back of it and his nails start caressing the inside of your thighs through your sweatpants “I know what you like. I pay attention to you whenever we're talking about sex with the guys.” 

You frown, about to remind him that you never speak directly about your own experiences but he continues his ministrations, giving your other thigh attention “I usually watch you closely in case any of it makes you uncomfortable, but I notice your reactions when they speak about something that you like.” 

Oh. Heart on your sleeve, your biggest flaw. 

“Like that one time Woo was going on and on about marking and you couldn't stop fidgeting on your seat…” his nose traces your jaw softly before his teeth take the skin underneath it and you gasp just enough to prove him right “Or that time Yunho said he hated teasing because he's an impatient little shit” he chuckles, his index finding the spot next to your mound and going down slowly until his knuckle graces the crevice where your leg and your hip connect “and you defended it until we had to stop you guys from yelling each other over it…” 

Your breath shakes and your eyes close at the sensation “Mingi…” 

“Am I wrong?” 

You shake your head no and you can all but hear him smile when he speaks again. 

“Of course I'm not.” 

You open your eyes and expect him to look at you the way he does when you're unable to defend yourself against his quips, but he's not. His eyes are following his own actions and his bottom lip is pulled by his teeth when he takes the fabric of your sweatpants and pulls it up, enough to give you some friction where you need it the most. 

“Can I take this off?” 

“Fuck, y-yes.” 

Joining your shirt on the ground, you're left only in your underwear while Mingi is fully clothed and it bothers you out of nowhere. 

“You're so wet already…” he observes and you blush, puffing some air and covering your eyes with your hand. He just laughs “That's a good thing, it means that I'm doing okay.” 

He's doing more than okay. Damn all the experience he has and the way he reads you so well. 

But his sweet tone gives you some clarity and you support your weight on your hand to fix your position on the bed. 

“Alright, let's… resume the lesson before my parents get home.” 

“They probably won't for now. The company dinners last until like… two in the morning, usually, right?” 

“That's when they decide to go out for drinks.” 

“Your mom always wants to go out for drinks.” 

“Let's not talk about my mom right now!” you beg and he laughs again, making you chuckle alongside him and you're glad he's talking all of this -the kissing, the teasing, the sweet-talk and the wet patch on your underwear- so well. 

The awkwardness from before dissipated the moment he got on his knees in front of you and all that followed was this lovely tension you're dying to keep between the two of you forever even though you shouldn't. 

“Show me, love,” he pleads and you sigh, his mouth finding your cheek for a quick second, encouraging you “And then you can show me how to make you feel good, too.” 

You stare at him for a few seconds “Damn, you're good,” he shakes his head and you smile, getting rid of your underwear and pushing the quick moment of embarrassment being bare with him in the room gives you “Remember that this is what works for me, okay?” 

He nods and then props himself up so he can see it better. 

You take a second before your fingers dive into your wet folds and, when you do, you gasp at the feeling. 

You've never been more wet just for kissing and teasing before. What the fuck. 

You do what you usually do when you're alone for a while and try to contain yourself from moaning because Mingi's eyes keep moving from your fingers to your face. Then, you remember you should be talking him through it, as well. 

“You see how I'm building it up?” you start, chest heaving and he hums as his reply “I'm not trying to make myself come but I'm kinda just… edging myself a little bit.” 

“Edging,” he repeats and then hisses when he sees your thumb pressing into your clit just how you like it, making you sigh heavily “I know all about that, that's good.” 

“Y-you do?” 

“You'll be surprised,” he smiles, proud of himself. 

“Okay,” you continue, taking a deep breath “Then you know about prepping, too,” he nods “So, a finger first…” you say, swallowing hard when your middle finger makes its way into your cavity without much effort. 

Dragging back and forth for a minute or so, you're incapable of containing yourself any longer. Air leaves your mouth in pants and your eyes close when you drag the pad of your finger upwards, locating your g-spot with ease because you're used to it.

“And then, two fingers.” 

“Mhm.” 

“Look at the position of my hand. I read that these two fingers work the best because they're longer than the rest, although…” you look at Mingi's hand over your belly. You didn't even notice before this that he was touching you, but he is and his thumb is tracing a pattern that both relaxes you and sends shivers down your spine “I'm sure that it won't be a problem for you, huh?” 

He sends a cocky smirk your way and you would've smacked him if you weren't so… preoccupied. 

Pressing your precious spot and then dragging back and forward, you stop the movements altogether. It felt too good, way more than good and it's a different sensation of what you're used to. 

And it's all because of him. 

You look at his side profile, his eager eyes commiting to memory what you're doing to yourself, probably taking mental notes now that his notebook is long forgotten over at your desk and… 

He deserves this. He deserves to be the one to have this, just tonight. 

You hate to leave what feels like it's about to be your best orgasm in the hands of someone who's just learning, yet alone a man.

But Mingi is not just any man. 

“Mingi,” you call and his curious eyes leave your heat a second later “your turn.” 

“Did you… Did it happen? I didn't see anythi—” 

“No,” you interrupt him, your fingers leaving you and you turn to him, your clean hand finding his face “show me what you learned.” 

His mouth parts, but you have a newfound confidence and a glint in your eyes that is new, so nothing comes out. 

“Prove that bitch wrong.” 

That seems to do it. 

His eyes go from being confused to spark with determination and want and electricity runs through you again because he seems so relieved he gets to touch you sooner than expected. 

Shyness and nervousness buried six feet under, you both smile to each other before you feel him. 

His fingers gathering your wetness, his thumb finding your clit with ease and expertise. 

“Wettest pussy I've ever touched.” You can tell he's a little lost in the heat of the moment but it's okay. So are you. 

Fuck. 

It's been way too long since someone else touched you this way, so you all but melt at the circles he draws on your clit. He paid close attention before, because he's touching you just the way you like it. 

“That feels so good…” 

“Yeah?” he asks, dark eyes finding yours before a particular stroke forces you to close them. And then he gathers enough slick to insert his ring finger inside and you can't help the moan that slips past your lips. 

You lift your hand to cover your mouth, but Mingi clicks his tongue in feign disappointment “I want to hear if I'm making you feel good, love. Don't hold back on me just because this is unconventional.” 

The worries die altogether with that. 

And now that you have free reign to stop containing yourself, you don't know how to stop. 

It's not long before his middle joins his other finger but he doesn't go for it right away. He fucks you slowly, allowing you to get used to the unfamiliar stretch of his way longer, way thicker digits until they slide in and out with little effort. 

His pace picks up after what feels like ages and your hand fists his shirt for the second time tonight, nodding and moaning in encouragement. 

“Deeper,” you instruct “curl them upwards and go deeper, you'll feel it then.” 

He obeys immediately, his chest heaving and his mouth parting in delight when he finds it. The pad of his finger presses down on it tentatively and your grasp on his shirt hardens.

“Is that it?” you nod and he does it again, which earns another moan “What do I do now?” 

Before you completely get lost in the feeling, you decide to drop the step by step bullshit aside and give him the full instruction in hopes that he'll remember it all without fucking up: “What works for me is pressing… Fuck, yeah, just like that a-and then…” you take deep breath “Just a little harder… Yeah, then rub it in a circular motion while maintaining that same pressure… Fuck, Mingi!” 

He's a little too good at following instructions, because he touches you like he's been doing this forever and soon you feel the familiar swell, the usual buildup of it all and he's taking you over the age like it's nothing. 

You forget how to speak, you forget how to tell him what he needs to do next and so, when you finally explode, you take his wrist and place his two fingers over your clit. 

When you move them side by side, he lets out a fascinated giggle but knows exactly what to do. 

A second later, your release is coating your thighs and the towels underneath you and you don't register anything else because your ears are ringing. 

Did you lose consciousness for a second? It feels like you did. 

That was the best fucking orgasm you've ever felt in your entire life. 

And when you come back down, you only register the sound of your breathing and plump lips kissing your face, his fingers stopping their pace once he realizes you're done with it. 

Opening your eyes, you stare at your popcorn ceiling for a second. Then, you look at Mingi who's already staring at you with a what the fuck just happened expression. 

It makes you laugh. Softly at the beginning, post-orgasm bliss takes over but then Mingi laughs too and your whole chest swells with inexplicable pride. 

You don't think twice before kissing him again. When you realize you did it, you pull back and blink at him like he didn't make you see stars three seconds ago. 

“That was…” his eyes do the thing he usually does. You never notice it until now, but he scans your face so frequently you've grown used to it, but now… It feels different. His teeth nip his bottom lip and he shakes his head before speaking “Come here, love.” 

And then he's kissing you again, slow, intimate, beyond the stupid lesson you just taught him. 

But you don't mind it one bit. 

You sit up, getting on your knees on the bed and basically forcing him to do the same. Ignoring the gross sensation of the wet towel underneath you, you pull him further into you until his chest presses against yours, until his hands roam your body and settle on your waist, securing the embrace. 

This time, when you pull away, there's this whole unspoken new thing between you. 

“That was…?” you press, smiling a bit, pulling both you and him back to reality. 

Right now, with you half naked and his hard-on pressing on your belly, it's not the time to discuss your feelings. 

“Possibly the coolest thing I've seen,” he starts, giggling when you roll your eyes “and the hottest thing I've seen, too,” you shrug, dismissing his stare because it's making you feel hot all over your body, again “and I'm really, really grateful you said yes, love.” 

The soft tone he uses to say the last bit relaxes you and you nod, deciding it's not the time to tell him you never even came like that on your own. 

Instead, you decide to grasp this intimate moment and extend it as much as you can. You can see Mingi is not expecting it when you reach his sweatpants and let your shaky thumb trace the outline of his cock. 

Closing his eyes, he lets out a pleased sigh before he grabs you by the back of your neck and rests his forehead against yours. 

“This is supposed to be purely educational, Y/N” 

“Is that what you want it to be?” you softly ask, pulling your hand away but then his hips buck and chase after your touch, making you smile despite the emotions swelling in your chest “Let me help you… Please…” 

“Fuck, don't beg me, love.” 

“Don't make me beg, then.” 

What the fuck are you even doing? 

“Y/N, I—” he stops suddenly and you're too lost in the moment to notice why. 

But then the sound of keys and a door closing downstairs scares the fuck out of you and you push Mingi away without thinking it through. 

He lands with a thud on your bedroom floor, next to your discarded clothes. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” he whispers-shouts, both shocked and offended, but you're getting off your bed and picking up your clothes and the soaked towels so you don't really care about his feelings right now. 

“Bathroom. Now.” 

You're so blessed for having your bedroom right next to the upstairs bathroom. And so blessed that it is your bathroom and you don't have to share it. You’ll get on your knees and thank your gods afterwards, but right now you can only think one thing.

Don't get caught. 

Lord knows you'll never hear the end of it if Mingi walks out of here with a hard-on. Your dad will kill him, your mom will cheer because she loves the idea of you and Mingi together and you'll probably pack your bags and move away if it happens. 

When you lock the door behind you and make a quick show of putting your underwear and pants back on, you hear Mingi chuckle. 

“We can always tell them we're having a sleepover, Y/N, you didn't have to karate kick me off the damn bed!” 

“Hush!” But he just keeps giggling at your very obvious flustered state.

You're about to rip him a new one when he takes two strides, backs you against the bathroom sink, and catches your lips in a quick, sweet kiss and all your worries dissolve just like that. 

“Guess they didn't go for drinks after all..” 

“You think?” cocking your head to the side, the smile on your lips can't be fought at this point. 

He returns it and leans in for another kiss, longer this time and you sigh against his mouth before pulling away because you really, really shouldn't be doing this right now. 

You hear your mother calling your name and then footsteps up the stairs. A murmured she must be sleeping and a hum from your father before they pass the bathroom door. You truly only relax when you hear their door closing at the end of the hallway. 

“Okay, we're safe now.” 

“When were we ever not safe?” 

“When I was half naked on my bed, Mingi!” 

He shakes his head with a smile and takes a step back. 

You clear your throat. 

“I really did want to help you out but—” 

“Raincheck?” he asks and at your hesitation to say yes, he continues “If you want to. If you don't, it's okay. We… We'll figure it out, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

He smiles again “Good, uh…” 

Mingi seems unsure on what to do next. Feeling the same, you decide the best thing to do is to get him out of here. 

Opening the bathroom door, you carefully peek into the hallway, taking his hand in yours and beckoning him to follow you down the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. 

“Shit, your shoes…” you whisper. 

“I don't think they noticed if they didn't barge into the bedroom to check on us like they usually do, love.” He returns, in the same tone. 

That does nothing to ease your mind, but he makes sure to put them on quickly and then grabs your shoulders, shaking you in a teasing manner. 

“Quit worrying, Y/N. I can feel you thinking.” 

Of course he does. There's no one, in this world, that knows you better than him. 

It makes your heart flutter and it shouldn't. But you're getting on your tippy toes and stealing a parting kiss before you think about it too much. 

It's irresponsible for you to do so, but Mingi grabs your waist and extends the duration of the kiss and suddenly you don't give a fuck about your parents or anyone else finding out about this… shift in your dynamic. 

“See you tomorrow?” he asks against your lips and you nod. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

And with that, he leaves. 

You lock the door and practically run to your room after. 

What the fuck have you done?

If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated and since it’s an open ending (sort of), let me know if you want a second part! 

© jensthwa, 2024.

[kysstar]

BF!ATEEZ & THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE | ATEEZ

pairing : : bf!ateez x gn!reader

genre : : pure fluff

warnings : : none

author's note : : these are just my headcanons! they may differ from yours, so don't take them srsly <3

KIM HONG JOONG : : acts of service & words of affirmation

Buys you random little gifts, but they're always oddly specific. "I saw this tiny screwdriver and thought of you." Why? Who knows. But it's cute.

Writes you long, heartfelt messages at 3 AM. Half of them are deep, meaningful confessions, the other half are just him ranting about a new song he’s working on.

Fixes things around your place without you asking. One day, your lamp was flickering, the next day, it’s perfectly fine. You never saw him do it. He just… did.

Will absolutely hype you up over the smallest things. "You made toast?? honey, that’s incredible. You’re amazing. A genius."

If you say you’re stressed, suddenly there’s food, a blanket, and maybe even a PowerPoint presentation on why you should relax.

When he’s busy, he’ll send you voice memos instead of texts. Half the time, they’re just sleepy “I miss you” whispers. The other half, they’re chaotic and full of background noise because the members won’t stop yelling.

Steals your hoodies, not because he needs them, but because they “smell like you.” Refuses to give them back.

If he writes you a song, don’t expect a chill reaction when he plays it for you. You must listen intensely. You must tell him it’s amazing. He will be staring at you the whole time to catch your reaction.

Will drop the most romantic, poetic compliments out of nowhere. Then five minutes later: “You walk kinda funny. It’s cute.”

Tries to act like a cool, composed boyfriend but will malfunction if you kiss his forehead or hold his face. Expect a flustered, giggling mess.

PARK SEONG HWA : : acts of service & physical touch

Always fixing your hair or adjusting your clothes like a mom. “Hold still.” tucks a strand behind your ear, smooths out your shirt, fixes your entire life while he's at it.

If you’re tired, you will have a blanket on you within seconds. Where did it come from? How did he get it so fast? No one knows.

Randomly builds you tiny LEGO creations and presents them like they’re priceless artifacts. “This… is a cat. For you.” You must act impressed. It is important.

If you’re sad, he won’t ask what’s wrong right away. Instead, he’ll silently bring you snacks, fix your hair, and maybe start building a LEGO set next to you. A subtle "I’m here" in brick form.

Has a sixth sense for when you need comfort. Doesn’t ask, just pulls you into his arms and gently pats your back like a supportive grandma mother.

If you’re feeling down, suddenly your favorite snacks, a warm drink, and a soft, reassuring hand on your shoulder appear. Magic? No. Just Seonghwa.

Will randomly grab your hand and play with your fingers while talking, like it’s second nature.

You get sick? Oh, he’s going full caretaker mode. You are not lifting a finger. You are not allowed to argue. You are going to rest, and he will spoon-feed you if necessary.

If you fall asleep near him, he will sit there and just quietly admire you like a soft, lovestruck fool. Might brush his fingers through your hair. Might smile to himself. Might just stare like a cute little weirdo.

If he ever scolds you, it lasts 10 seconds before he’s hugging you again. “I’m serious, you need to take care of yourself.” pulls you into his chest “But I love you so much.”

JEONG YUN HO : : physical touch & quality time

Will randomly tackle-hug you out of nowhere. You could be peacefully drinking water, and boom—hug ambush. You just have to accept your fate.

Loves holding your hand but never just normally. It’s always swinging, squeezing, or playing some random hand game he just made up on the spot.

If you’re walking together, expect random piggyback rides. You don’t even have to ask. One second you’re on the ground, the next you’re on Yunho’s back, and he’s acting like it was your idea.

Will not let you sit far away from him. Couch? You’re cuddling. Bed? Also cuddling. Park bench? Yep, still cuddling.

Video game nights are serious business. He’s either lovingly teaching you how to play or completely destroying you while giggling. No in-between. If you somehow beat him? He will demand a rematch… and then probably hug you out of pride.

If you’re sad, he’s not even gonna ask what’s wrong—he’s just scooping you up into the biggest, warmest bear hug until you feel better.

Will happily let you rest your head on his lap, but be warned: He will play with your hair the entire time. Might even braid it.

If he’s really happy to see you, he does this little excited bounce before pulling you into the tightest hug, like a human golden retriever.

Plans the most fun, chaotic dates. Bowling, arcade nights, trying weird food together—he just wants to make memories with you.

Loves when you lay on his chest because, and I quote, "I like when you can hear my heartbeat." Absolute softie.

KANG YEO SANG : : quality time & words of affirmation

Will not say “I love you” a million times, but when he does? Oh, you feel it. Soft voice, deep eye contact, maybe even a little forehead touch.

Quality time with him is just existing together. No pressure, no big plans. Just sitting next to each other, watching something, sharing snacks.

Will randomly hit you with the most sarcastic, dry joke ever. You’ll be laughing, and he’s just sitting there, straight-faced. "Glad you find me funny." Sir, please.

Zones out mid-conversation. Not because he’s bored—his brain just buffers sometimes. You’ll say something, and he’ll just stare at you for five seconds before snapping back like, "Huh? No, I heard you. Keep going."

Subtly hypes you up. "You look good today." "I knew you’d do well." Just drops these little compliments so casually, but they always hit so hard.

If you ever doubt yourself, suddenly he’s your personal motivational speaker. “You’re smart. You’re capable. You’ve got this.” And the way he says it? You believe him.

Will sit through anything you like just to spend time with you. You wanna rewatch your comfort show for the 10th time? Cool. He’s there, probably holding your hand, occasionally making fun of the plot.

If he really loves you, he’ll let you win at games… once. Just once. After that? No mercy.

Not the biggest on PDA, but if you grab his hand first? Oh. Oh, he likes that. Might even squeeze it a little tighter.

If he ever teases you, congrats—he loves you. If he really loves you, he’ll tease you, then immediately follow it up with a soft “I’m just kidding” and a little smile.

CHOI SAN : : physical touch & words of affirmation

Hugging you is basically his full-time job. Standing? Hug. Sitting? Hug. Breathing? Hug. You are simply never escaping.

Whispers the sweetest things when he hugs you. “I missed you.” “You’re so cute.” “You feel like home.” Sir, please. Have mercy.

Will hold your face when he talks to you, like you’re the main character in a drama. It’s unnecessarily romantic. You might will pass out.

Always touching you somehow. Hand on your knee, arm around your shoulder, playing with your fingers—just constant soft contact.

If you’re ever sad? He will not stand for this. Immediate forehead press, deep eye contact, and the most heartfelt pep talk of your life.

Dramatically runs to you when he sees you after a long day. Might pick you up. Might spin you around. Might make an entire scene.

Loves holding hands, but only if he can swing them dramatically or squeeze them when he’s excited.

If he compliments you, it’s never basic. “You’re not just beautiful, you’re breathtaking.” Sir, we are in a grocery store.

Will flirt with you like he’s in a K-drama. The teasing smirk, the soft voice, the intense stare—it’s a lot to handle.

If he’s tired, you are now his personal pillow. He will lay on you, snuggle into you, and refuse to move. You have no choice but to accept your fate.

SONG MIN GI : : words of affirmation & quality time

Tells you he loves you at least 10 times a day. In the morning? “I love you.” Randomly while eating? “I love you.” Right before he falls asleep? Mumbled “love you” with his face smushed into the pillow.

Sends the longest, softest texts ever. You say “I miss you,” and suddenly, you’re getting a whole essay about how much you mean to him.

Quality time = just being near you. You don’t even have to talk. He just likes existing in the same space, vibing, maybe playing on his phone while you do your thing.

Will gas you up for literally anything. “WOW. You made pasta?? That’s crazy. A chef. A legend.” Sir, it’s instant ramen.

Hypes you up even when he’s half asleep. You could be telling him about your day while he’s dozing off, and he’ll still mumble, “That’s so cool, honey… you’re amazing…” before passing out.

If he’s excited, you’ll know. He cannot contain his feelings. Full body reactions, giant smiles, maybe even some hand flailing. He’s just so happy to be with you.

Tells you random deep thoughts out of nowhere. You’re chilling, and suddenly he’s like, “You know, you’re my favorite person.” No lead-up. Just pure feelings.

If he misses you, he is NOT subtle. Calls you, texts you, maybe even sends you a video of him pouting. “When are you coming back? I’m suffering.”

Loves when you sit next to him. Doesn’t matter if you’re watching a movie, eating, or doing nothing.

If you ever doubt yourself, oh boy. Immediate Mingi TED Talk. “What? No. You’re amazing. The best. I don’t accept this negativity.”

JUNG WOO YOUNG : : physical touch & acts of service

Touchy? Understatement. This man is attached to you at all times. Hugging, leaning, holding your face—your personal human koala.

Loves annoying you affectionately. Pokes your cheek, ruffles your hair, steals your food—then grins like a gremlin when you glare at him.

Acts like he’s your personal butler. "Sit down, I got it." Next thing you know, he’s cooking for you, fetching your blanket, and making sure you drink water.

Cooks for you just to show off. "Try this. Isn’t it the best thing you’ve ever eaten? Tell me I’m amazing." Yes, chef.

Lowkey competitive with acts of service. If you do something sweet for him, he must outdo you. You got him coffee? Now he’s making you a whole meal.

Back hugs. Constantly. Cooking? Back hug. Brushing your teeth? Back hug. Breathing? You guessed it—back hug.

Lays across your lap like a spoiled cat. Just flops down dramatically, waiting for head pats.

If he sees you struggling with something, he’s already fixing it. “No, no, don’t worry, I got it.” And boom—it’s done.

Randomly grabs your hand and swings it like a kid. No reason. Just happy.

Will absolutely tease you, but the moment someone else does? “Hey. That’s MY person. Be nice.” Protective but in a playful way.

CHOI JONG HO : : acts of service & words of affirmation

Quietly does things for you without making a big deal about it. Your phone was dying? Now it’s charging. You left your jacket on the chair? Now it’s folded. You didn’t even see him do it.

Tells you to take care of yourself, then does it for you anyway. “You should eat.” Five minutes later, he’s handing you food.

Lifts heavy things for you without saying a word. Even if you’re totally capable, he’s already carrying it. Just let him have this.

If you’re feeling down, expect the most comforting words of all time. No fluff, no exaggeration—just pure, genuine belief in you.

Roasts you lightly but follows it up with the softest compliment. “You’re kind of a disaster.” pause “But you’re my disaster.”

Pays attention to the little things. If you offhandedly mention liking a snack, guess what? It’s now stocked in your kitchen.

Doesn’t initiate PDA a lot, but if you hug him first? He melts. Might even squeeze you tighter and mumble, “You smell nice.”

Refuses to let you struggle. Can’t open a jar? Handled. Need help carrying bags? Already done. Minor inconvenience? Not on his watch.

Casually drops the deepest compliments ever. “I think you make people feel safe.” Sir, what am I supposed to do with that?

Acts like he doesn’t care when you baby him, but secretly loves it. You ruffle his hair? He rolls his eyes but doesn’t move away. You call him cute? Cue the ear blush.

© kysstar

[bontentrio]

ATEEZ and ALMOST BREAKING UP

ot8 x gn reader

summary: you’re in a relationship and one of you (or both) want to break up.

tw: angst (insecurities, arguments, reader flinches sometimes but it’s not violence) but with happy endings because i am weak + fluff + slight nsfw in mingi’s + alcohol in jongho’s.

a/n: i got carried away with yeosang’s and jongho’s my apologies 🙏 rqs are open btw! (also i promise i’m working on ateez stuck in the friendzone part 2 but i have this scheduled for today)

HONGJOONG

you stared at hongjoong in bewilderment. he was sitting down in front of you, with tears in his eyes that threatened to spill if he blinked. he looked so… fragile. as if one single word or touch from you could break him. yet you sat there, with confusion painted all over your face.

“i’m sorry, what?” you asked.

“i think we need to break up” he whispered, as a tear rolled down his cheek and looked away. so you didn’t hear wrong.

“i don’t agree” you said, taking his hand in yours. “what brought you this thought?” you asked, making him look down. you waited a few moments, not wanting to pressure him into talking. then, hongjoong lifted your hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it.

“i’m always busy, we haven’t seen each other in a while and i take too long to reply to your texts” he explained. “you deserve someone who is always there for you”

“but don’t i get a say in this? i knew what i was getting into when we started seeing each other” you started saying as you scooted closer to him, in order to lift up his face to look at you. once your eyes interlocked, you cradled his face and continued: “yeah it sucks not being able to see you as much as i wished to, but also it’s not like i’m unhappy. i cherish the small moments we spend together, it makes me eager for the next one”

“but-“ he started saying, but you interrupted him with a kiss. at first, hongjoong sat still, surprised by your sudden actions, but then he kissed you right back. “no buts joong, we are not breaking up. i love you and i still want this. i still want you” you whispered against his lips, reassuringly.

he nodded in response, believing you.

SEONGHWA

“can we talk for a moment?” you asked seonghwa, who immediately felt his blood run cold at the question. he dropped his phone and studied your face: you looked sad, tired even.

realization struck him as quick as alighting: you’ve been avoiding his kisses for at least two days now, and he’s been brushing it off thinking you were just in a weird mood. i mean, yes it bothered him, but he also loved you too much to not give you space if you needed it. he always wanted you to be as comfortable as possible. but maybe he was wrong about that?

“is something wrong, my love?” he asked with a shaky voice as he took your hand in his. he chose to ignore the way you slightly flinched at his touch, or else his heart would break even more.

“i think-“ you started saying, looking down at your intertwined hands. his hold was gentle, as he always has been. kind, gentle, beautiful, all things you were not. “i think we should take a break”.

you looked up to him, and immediately regretted it: tears formed in his eyes, threatening to spill, while his lips were parted, probably trying to think of what to say. the scene completely broke you, and further proved your point about your insecurities.

“did i do something wrong?” he whispered, not trusting his voice to speak louder without breaking. your eyebrows furrowed, how could he think that when he’s been nothing but perfect in every way? “if i did i’m sorry y/n, i’ll change, but please don’t leave me”

you hugged him tightly, hiding his face on your neck as he sobbed. you didn’t realize you started crying too. “i’m sorry baby, you didn’t do anything wrong” you started saying after a while, pulling him back and cradling his face “it’s me, it’s all me and it has always been me. i’m the problem and i’m always holding you back, i’m sorry hwa”

“holding me back? what do you mean? baby you’re my motivation” seonghwa said, wiping away your tear with his thumbs. “but-“ you started saying, only to be interrupted by him:

“no, don’t ever say that again. you’re my star, y/n”.

YUNHO

normally, you would find yunho’s angry face hot, but now that it’s directed at you? not so much. not when he’s staring at you like you’re a waste of time and space, which only made your anger bubble up more.

“don’t just sit and stare at me! can you please give me a response? it’s not hard yunho” you exclaimed, earning a big eye roll from him “it’s a simple yes or no question: were you flirting with them?”

“god y/n you can be so annoying! no i wasn’t flirting, but now i wish i was so i could have a valid excuse to not see you again!” yunho yelled, standing up abruptly from his seat, making you take a step back unconsciously. this action didn’t go unnoticed by him, quickly realizing that surprise took over your face for a moment, before turning back to anger.

“if you don’t want to see me again then let’s just break up. i’m setting you free yunho” you said in anger, contrasting the way your eyes started watering.

you turned around in order to leave, not wanting him to see you cry, but he grabbed your hand, stopping you. when you turned around, you saw that his hard expression had softened, anger slowly dissipating.

“wait, don’t leave” he started saying “i’m sorry, i wasn’t thinking straight when i said what i said. i love you, i didn’t flirt with them and i don’t want you to leave”

yunho’s eyes silently begged you to forgive him, as he brought you closer to him slowly, testing the waters. when he realized you weren’t going to move away, he wrapped his arms around you. “i’m truly sorry baby, please don’t leave. i love you”.

you cried softly on his chest, as he thought of ways to make you forgive him completely. he refused to let you go.

YEOSANG

“i think this should end, y/n” he said suddenly, making you turn around in your spot at the kitchen. you looked at him confused, tea cups still on your hand.

“you mean the habit of us having tea together before bed?” you asked, eyebrows furrowed. yeosang stood up from the coach, and approached you slowly as you took notice of his sad face. “you know what i mean” he whispered once he reached you.

you shook your head “no, actually i don’t. is this about the argument earlier? i forgave you already, it’s all good yeo i promise” you replied quickly, setting the tea cups aside and proceeding to hold his arms. yeosang stared at you, it seems like he was about to cry as well, becoming all too real.

it’s rare for you to argue honestly, often choosing to just talk things out calmly. but earlier that day, ‘talking’ seemed impossible, as constant yelling filled the room. yeosang had promised, once again, to take you out on a date to celebrate your anniversary (two weeks and a half ago), but due to his idol duties he cancelled again. you have had enough, so things escalated rather quickly, making him leave your shared home with a loud shut of the door.

thing is, hours later yeosang showed up with a small bouquet of flowers and asked for forgiveness. he also explained to you how overwhelmed he felt at the moment with all the upcoming comeback preparations. you understood him obviously, and decided it would be better to just move the date until after promotions.

so everything was fine, all forgiven. what brought this now? “baby we barely see each other, except late at night like right now” he started saying, biting his lip so he could stop the tears from spilling out “you deserve someone better”.

“yeosang you are the ‘better’ you’re refereing to! i don’t want anyone else” you answered, hugging him. “i just want you, all of you, even with your weird and long schedules. i still want to feel your kiss on my cheek every time you leave and i still want to have tea with you late at night”

yeosang kissed you, pouring his whole soul and love in it as he held you impossibly closer than before. after a while, he reluctantly broke it, face still close to yours.

“i’m sorry, i love you” he whispered.

SAN

“no” he said, shaking his head as he looked at you with an unreadable expression “no, we’re not breaking up”

“but-“ you started to argue, kind of getting annoyed at the way he dismissed your previous statement. it’s been a week since fans started suspecting of your relationship, after a sasaeng had caught you at a restaurant celebrating your first anniversary. the media was going wild, even going as far as searching up your socials and sending malicious messages, all telling you to break up with san and that you’re harming his idol image.

“i said no, baby” he said, kissing your cheek and taking your hand, leading you to the bedroom “let’s go to bed”

“san! i’m about to ruin your career, i can’t just brush it off like it’s nothing! we need to break up, or at least take a break until everything calms down” you exclaimed, taking your hand back. san stared at you, face still unreadable but with some traces of hurt evident in his eyes. he took your hands again.

“you’re not going to ruin my career, love” he started saying, holding your hands tighter as if he was scared of letting go “kq’s management is handling it, they assured me everything will be fine because the angle of the photo didn’t show my face, and the couple behind us hid my body as well, so it’s not noticeable that it’s me”

you thought for a moment. truth is, you love san way too much to bring him harm, as small as possible it may be. he knew this, but his reasoning made sense. for all the media knows, the guy in the picture could be a lookalike.

“please” he said, barely above a whisper. you nodded, kissing his lips reassuringly. it’s going to be okay.

MINGI

the room felt heated, despite the different pieces of clothing that have been mindlessly discarded all over the place. mingi’s mouth never left yours, tongue entering your mouth as if it was it’s second home. his hands were everywhere: massaging your chest, holding your waist, playing with your ass, caressing your thighs. you felt him everywhere, all at once.

“we should really break things off” he said, in between kisses. you nodded, letting out a small moan when his lips found your neck. “definitely” you managed to say.

you and mingi have been arguing a lot recently, sometimes over silly small things like laundry or house chores, and other times the argument would revolve around hin forgetting important dates or your stubbornness to remember that he is an idol and is, of course, busy.

mingi’s hands went back to your ass, slapping it lightly and making you jump. he proceeded to hold your thighs, pulling you up to his height as he pressed you against the wall. he kissed you again, desperately and deeply.

“min-“ you started saying, or attempted to say since his lips made it near impossible. he bit your lip in response. “mingi”

he hummed against your lips. “this is not what breaking up means” you managed to say, pulling the back of his hair lightly but enough to make hin groan. “i know, but what if it is for us? i know you’ll miss this, miss me. now hold tight” he answered, unbucking his belt as you held on him tightly to not fall while he maneuvered with his pants.

once he was done, and pressed you harder against the wall, your trail of thought immediately disappeared. if it was a good or bad decision, or something that would become cyclical, that would be a problem for the future.

WOOYOUNG

“we should break up” you said, as a matter of fact. you stood in front of him, arms crossed as a serious expression adorned your face. wooyoung, in contrast, was sitting on your shared bed, mindlessly scrolling through social media. he didn’t even bother to look up.

“and why do you think that, baby?” he asked, still not looking at you, which caused your eye to twitch slightly. “exactly because of things like this wooyoung! i’m trying to break up with you and you don’t even care!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms in the air dramatically.

wooyoung blocked his phone and set it aside, sitting up straight in the process. his eyes found yours, probably trying to decipher how you were feeling. “are there any other reasons?”

“you don’t have time for me-“ you replied. “i still see you every night unless i’m on tour, and even in that circumstance i call every day” he interrupted. “okay, but you also never help me around the house” you argued. “baby, i literally cook half of your meals”.

“but-“ you started saying, only to be interrupted once again by wooyoung: “see? no reasons, no break up” he said, patting your head and returning to his phone.

“you’re impossible” you said, sitting beside him with your arms still crossed against your chest. wooyoung kissed your cheek “i know, but you love me nonetheless. plus i know this was an attempt to prank me as revenge for last time”

your eyes widened in surprise.

“HOW?!”

JONGHO

you might have taken a few too many drinks at tonight’s night out with your friends, so they had to call your boyfriend jongho to come and pick you up. thankfully, he answered quickly and said he would be there in 10.

“noooo you called jongho?” you asked, tipsily as you grabbed your friend’s hand that was holding your phone. “he has to wake up early tomorrow! he shouldn’t be driving around, he has to rest!”

“someone has to get you home, babe! plus he seemed fine, i promise” your friend answered in between giggles watching you pout.

once you spot jongho, your whole face lit up involuntarily, as if it was a reflex. once he reached your table, he hugged you from behind, pecking your cheek. “thanks for calling me and taking care of her” he told your friends. you clumsily bid your goodbyes to your friends and turned to jongho, ready to go.

“you shouldn’t have come, jongs” you started saying as he buckled up your belt in the passenger seat. “you have a long day tomorrow”

“it’s no problem baby, i couldn’t sleep anyways” he said, jogging back to the driver’s seat. you looked at him, thoughtful expression on your face for a few moments. “what?” he asked, chuckling as he drove the car out of the parking lot.

“you weren’t able to sleep because i was out? or because you weren’t feeling tired?” you asked, curiously. for someone who was terribly drunk, you sure got philosophical. add that to the long list of things jongho finds endearing about you.

“little bit of both i guess” he answered, stopping at a red light. you stayed quiet, strangely so, which caused jongho to turn his face to you to check if you fell asleep. but you weren’t. instead, you looked at him with tears in your eyes. “baby? what’s wrong?” he said, slightly panicking, not caring that the light turned green. since it was late at night, his car was the only one there at the moment.

“i’m a burden to you” you concluded, tears rolling down your cheeks “i’m holding you back and you should leave me”. huh?!?!

“baby, what are you talking about?” he asked in confusion, before frantically holding your face and wiping your tears away with kisses. “you always appear to save the day jongs, and i do nothing in return” you whispered, looking deeply into his eyes.

“you do more than you realize, y/n” he said, kissing you once more. “but you’re drunk, and i know nothing i’ll say will stick in this state. so let’s talk about it tomorrow, yes?”

“promise?” you asked, in a tiny voice. “i promise” he reassured.

[wooyoungiewritings]

Red Dress - Seonghwa x Reader (NSFW)

Summary: It's time for the annual trip to the mountains to celebrate Christmas with the Parks. That including the human version of a headache, their son - Park Seonghwa. You've never gotten along, you'd even go so far to call him your worst enemy. But something happens on the trip, something neither of you can explain. It leads both you and Seonghwa into unknown territories, but one thing is for sure. It's all thanks to the red dress.

Word count: 20.6K

Genre: Fluff (!!) enemies to lovers, smut (yall.. seonghwa in this one... WOOOH it's getting hot in here)

warnings: "Enemy" Seonghwa with fem reader (fem pronouns). Hwa's mother has passed away, calls reader "sunshine", Seonghwa is a tease and he loves it, Hwa is a D-O-M, messy blowjob, fingering, dirty talk, unprotected sex, aftercare (he's so sweet please), lmk if I missed anything!

This is all for fun and is not meant to represent Seonghwa in any way.

You zip your last bag, trying to gather some kind of overview. Your main luggage bags and two smaller bags filled to the brim. You made sure to pack thoroughly. It would be dreadful to forget something important while staying in the mountains, with the possibility of being snowed in.

A quick buzzing sound came from your phone, your hands grabbing it from your back pocket. You don’t even realize the deep sigh escaping between your lips as you read the name on the screen, somehow you hear the annoyance in the simple text.

Seonghwa i’m here

You type back, wanting him to elaborate.

You at the main entrance?

Seonghwa no i’m on top of the building i just landed my helicopter

yes i’m at the main entrance

You 2 minutes

You roll your eyes as you throw your phone on the bed, looking around your apartment for the last few things to pack. The next few hours are gonna be horrific, being squeezed in your car with the human version of a headache. 

Park Seonghwa.

Despite the two of you not being able to get along, your families do, and they use every possible opportunity to do things together. The annual cottage trip to the mountains for Christmas is no exception. His dad and his sister are all very nice people, watching over you like your own family. His mom was also the kindest woman you’ve ever known, but she sadly passed away six years ago due to sickness. When you were kids, everyone got along just fine. Not the best, because you still thought Seonghwa was teasing you a lot, but it was still manageable. But after his mom’s passing, your relationship with Seonghwa got even worse. 

You never spoke to him about her, because you were simply not that close, but that just resulted in you and him not getting along at all. He got more snarky, which resulted in you getting more snarky.. And now whenever you two spoke, it was always with a hint of teasing and/or mockering. 

You jug to the door as a knock echoes through your apartment, and you open up to see Seonghwa looking unsatisfied on the other side. You can already hear him complain about having to walk up a few sets of stairs, so you turn around before he opens his mouth.

“I’ll be ready in a second.” You say as you walk away, hearing him close the front door as he enters your apartment. 

“Take your time, it’s not like we’re the only ones who aren’t there yet.” Seonghwa mumbles sarcastically, loud enough for you to hear and you bite your tongue before something slips out.

You try your best to carry most of your bags to the front door where Seonghwa is waiting, arms crossed over his chest. He’s still wearing his boots and bomber jacket, not showing any signs that he’s willing to help you carry your stuff. His hair is annoyingly perfectly set, despite it being 7 in the morning like he had all the time in the world to get dressed.

“You know we’ll only be gone for two weeks, not a year, right?” He asks as you put down the bags on the floor in front of him. 

“Seonghwa, it’s 7 in the morning. Can you at least wait until the sun is up to be a pain in my ass? How are you awake right now?” You can’t stop the words from leaving your mouth when you glance at him. 

“I’m an insomniac, this is normal.” He shrugs his shoulders. 

You’re not in the mood to continue the conversation so you go back for the last bag, carry it to the front door and Seonghwa (thankfully) helps you carry the bags down the stairs and to your car. His luggage is waiting in the lobby, he probably didn't want to carry it to your floor after traveling with it to your apartment building. 

Both of your families left for the cottage yesterday, but you and Seonghwa had to wait a day to travel because of busy schedules, and at the end of the day, it was just easier to travel together. You and Seonghwa agreed to take your car to the cottage, so you walk outside where your car is parked, and Seonghwa lunges your bags into the trunk.

“Holy shit, what did you put in this bag? A dead body?” He complains and you throw in your bags in the backseat. You open the door to the driver's seat, but look back at him as he loads the trunk.

“If we’re gonna make it through this trip, you have to stop being ironic in every sentence.” You get in the car and turn it on, hurrying to heat up the vehicle. Fog leaves your mouth as you speak, and you rub your hands to create some warmth.

“Fine,” Seonghwa simply answers before closing the trunk and making his way to the driver's seat where you are sitting. “Get out.” He looks down at you with the unreadable expression he always wears, and you scoff.

“Out? It’s my car?” You state, almost like a question. 

“Yes, but I’m driving.”

“Give me one good reason”

“Well, it’s 7 in the morning and you’re not a morning person, your road rage gets 50 times worse in the morning, especially when the roads are slippery. So you should take this as me doing you a favor. Now move.” Seonghwa cocks his head towards the passenger seat, confidently standing in the door to the driver’s seat, leaning up against the car. His face is hard to read, but every word he spoke had a truth behind it. Despite you and him not getting along, you’ve grown up close together, resulting in you knowing almost everything about each other.

A deep sigh leaves you as you step out of the car, not wanting to admit how he’s right.

“You have a lot of nerve talking like you’re the one owning this car.” You say as you enter the passenger seat, getting comfortable. 

“I just want you to be my passenger princess, is that too much to ask?” Seonghwa sends you a smirk before driving the car away from your apartment complex, and you’re headed to the cottage where both of your families are waiting for your arrival. 

A couple moments in silence pass, and the city starts to wake up as the sun brightens up your surroundings. Generic Christmas music plays on the car radio, a channel that has played ‘Last Christmas’ and ‘All I Want For Christmas’ nonstop since the middle of November. 

“Is your sister coming?” You ask, looking out of the window to your side. 

“Not this year. Her boyfriend offered her to celebrate Christmas with his family.” Seonghwa’s focus stays on the road as he answers.

Seonghwa’s sister is two years older than him, but you and her have always gotten along well. One of your fondest memories with her was when you were kids and forced Seonghwa into their mother’s clothes, and you and his sister used him as a canvas to test your makeup skills. That was the time when everything was fun and everyone got (somewhat) along. 

Not like now.

“Have you gotten better at skiing or do we get that atrocious fall again?” His voice has a tease to it as he glances over at you beside him. 

“It was a year ago, and it wasn't my fault.. I’ve gotten better.” You sound confident as you look over at Seonghwa who has an eyebrow raised suspectfully. On your last trip to the cottage with the Parks, you fell while skiing, which resulted in you being unable to walk for the rest of the trip. You promised yourself to never let that happen again.

“Oh yeah? You’ve been practicing?” He has a smug smile on his lips as he talks. 

“I’m better than you, we both know that.” A smile creeps up on your lips, doing your best to annoy him. A scoff leaves Seonghwa before he presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, and you know you said the right thing.

“That almost sounds like a bet.” He says.

“And what if it is?” You ask daringly, up for a challenge. 

Yes, you and Seonghwa knew how to bicker, but what could make you both excited was a competition. Anything from board games to extreme sports, you love competing with each other. Or hate it. Love to hate it.

Seonghwa smiles with his annoyingly straight teeth, looking over at you for a second to see if you’re serious, before nodding. “Then I hope you’re okay with losing,” He answers confidently. “What’s the challenge?”

“Who gets down the slope first. Easy.” You shrug.

“What color are we talking?”

“Black, of course.” You try to read his expression, challenging him to ride the most dangerous hill on the mountain. 

“Black? You remember the black slope on the mountain, don’t you? You wanna race down from that?” There’s something unsure about his voice, but it only makes you want to continue going through with this bet.

“Are you scared?” You tease, looking at him with a smile. Knowing Seonghwa your entire life, you know exactly what buttons to press to get your way, and when a confident chuckle leaves his body, you know this bet is on.

“Alright, sunshine, let’s do this.” He smirks, looking at you briefly.

“Anything you wanna bet?” You ask, trying to hide your excitement that he fell into your trap and agreed to this.

Seonghwa takes a few seconds to think, tapping the steering wheel before he speaks. “The loser will do what the winner says for an entire day.” He suggests. 

Somehow you expected this penalty, so you roll your eyes as a scoff leaves you. “Boring, but fine,” You say before looking over at him. “I can’t wait to make you my little puppy.” A huge smile decorates your lips at the thought of Seonghwa in the palm of your hand for 24 hours.

He has a big smile on his lips as he leans back in the driver's seat, getting comfortable. 

“Keep telling yourself that, sunshine. I already have some things in store for you.” He doesn’t even look at you while talking, but he’s wearing his confident smirk as he speaks like he’s imagining what he’ll make you do if he wins. 

You can’t wait to remove that cocky smile.

***

After a few hours of driving, you finally arrived at the cottage. There had been a delay due to some accidents on the road. The further you made it to the mountains, the slippier the roads got, resulting in a few accidents. Luckily, there were no big accidents, and you and Seonghwa made it safely to the cottage.

Your family greeted you, as well as Seonghwa’s dad.

As you mom helps you take off your jacket, she sends you the warmest smile and tells you that your room is on the first floor, which you will be sharing with Seonghwa.

“Thanks, mom.” You send her a smile back and look around the cottage. It looks the same as always. The fireplace is heating up the entire living room, and Christmas stockings for each person hanging over it, including Seonghwa’s sister and mom. There’s a smell of cinnamon hanging in the air as you grab your stuff and head upstairs to unpack. The long hallway with three doors leads you to your room, and you know your room is at the end of the hallway. You pass the closed door to Seonghwa’s room and a bathroom, already excited to have a shower in the huge shower stall. 

As you step into your room, you notice that it has the same warm tones as the rest of the house, giving off a cozy feeling. The room is furnished with a massive bed, and at the end of the room, there is a large window that provides a breathtaking view of the mountains. On the bedside table, there is a lit-up candle, adding to the room's warm and inviting atmosphere.

You throw yourself on the bed, happy to finally be at the cottage. 

This is gonna be a good trip.. hopefully

***

“Last chance to back down, sunshine.” Seonghwa looks at the slope in front of him before looking at you. A confident smile spreads on your lips, knowing you’ll win this one.

“Over my dead body, Seonghwa. I’m so excited to have you wrapped around my finger for a day.” 

It was your first official day at the cottage, and of course you and Seonghwa had to settle your little bet, trying to figure out who was best down the mountain.

“You’re a lot of talk, no bite. Let’s see how your mouth runs when you’re going to be my servant for an entire day.” He sends you a smirk. Your eyes roll back, used to these comments.

“You always claim to be a gentleman. Is this how you normally speak to girls? No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.” 

“They wouldn’t be able to handle me. Only you can.” The smirk is still evident on his lips. “Besides, I am a gentleman. In fact, I’ll even let you get 10 seconds as a head start.”

You try to read his face to see if he’s kidding, but when it looks like he means what he says, you scoff. “You’re gonna regret that.”

“I never regret anything when it comes to you.”

You both stare into each other’s eyes for a long second, and this only make you more excited. You love winning. Even better when you win over him. 

“I’ll see you down there.” You send him one last smile before making your way down the mountain. You use your poles to help increase the speed, using every opportunity to get down the mountain first. 

10 seconds isn’t a lot, but if you use them well, this win would be even easier. Wind rushes in your ears, snow flying as you go side to side down the slope. You don’t look back, not wanting to focus on Seonghwa behind you, so you stay in your own head, doing your best to come down as fast as possible. 

You feel your legs burn in the best way, having missed this feeling.

The feeling of being free and no one telling you to stop. The wind blows faster as you move quicker down the slope, following the trail. Suddenly, you see a figure, and lo and behold, Seonghwa is next to you. You can’t see his face due to his helmet, but you bet he's sending you a smile behind the glass. He sends you a wave before he passes you on his snowboard, and suddenly he’s in the front. 

Your poles help you increase the speed even more, and you bend your knees to go even faster. Further down, you start to see the finish, and despite being behind Seonghwa, you still have a chance. He moves quick and even manages to be slightly daring on the way down, but you can take him.

You’re sure of it.

Well, that’s until a kid suddenly falls in front of you, and you quickly have to make your way around them. You make a turn, a little too sharp, and pass the kid lying in the snow. The last thing you see is Seonghwa reaching the bottom of the slope before you fall forward and roll a few meters in the snow. Confused, you lay still for a few moments, trying to gather what just happened. All you see is white from the snow until a figure comes into sight.

“Are you okay?” Seonghwa’s concerned voice suddenly speaks, and you look up to see him hurry to you. You try to move, realizing you’ve somehow lost both of your skis in your fall.

“I’m fine, ow.” A sharp pain shocks through your leg, starting from your ankle. The pain is enough to suddenly send a stinging feeling in your eyes, tears slowly forming. 

“Is this how you make me feel bad for winning?” Seonghwa tries to help you up from the snow, grabbing you under your arms.

“It doesn’t count, I fell. We should try again to see- OW!” 

Another sharp pain shocks you, even worse than before, and you give up trying to get up this way. You sit up, no visible injuries, only the pain in your ankle. 

“Can you stand up?” He asks, looking down at you. 

“I’m not sure.” 

“Get on my back.” Seonghwa moves in front of you, kneeling down so you can jump on his back. You shake your head, not wanting to admit how bad your ankle hurts.

“No, it’s fine.” You try to stand up, but wince when the pain only gets worse.

“Can you stop being stubborn and let me help you? Get on my back.” His voice is serious, and it’s clear you won’t get it your way. You do your best to get on his back without putting too much pressure on your leg, and he stands up with you. He holds you under your knees while your arms hold around his neck. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah..”

He manages to get you to a bench, and after a few moments of him checking up on you, looking for any visible damages, it’s clear that the pain in your ankle is getting worse. You (or more like Seonghwa) make the decision not to ski anymore, so he ends up carrying you to the cottage. 

You feel grateful on Seonghwa’s behalf that it’s close to the ski resort so he won’t have to carry you too far. Both of you still in your ski clothing, you know everything is heavier than normal. 

And despite you telling him that it’s fine and that you can call for someone else to help you, he acts like he doesn’t hear you and continues to carry you home. 

Not a word is said between you, he makes his way inside the cottage with you on his back. He helps you out of your jacket and ski pants, so you’re left with your long-sleeved shirt and leggings. He quickly takes off his own ski clothing before suddenly carrying you bridal style, making his way to the stairs. 

Your arm encircles his neck as he carefully walks up the stairs, ensuring your foot doesn't touch anything.

“You don’t have to do this.” You almost whisper.

“I know.” He responds, seeing the door to your room. He walks in and puts you on the bed softly. You wince when you move your ankle, and Seonghwa notices immediately. “Where does it hurt?”

“My ankle, and down to the heel.” You point exactly where it hurts, and he looks at your foot before grabbing his phone from his pocket.

“I’ll be right back,” Is the only thing he says before he makes his way out of your room and you hear him walk down the stairs. You have no idea what he’s doing or what you’re waiting for. You just use this moment to be thankful that you didn’t get hurt anywhere else.

After a few minutes, you hear Seonghwa’s voice get closer as he makes his way up the stairs. You hear him talking on the phone.

“Yes.. Alright. No, it looks a little swollen. Okay, thank you.” He appears at your door with some ice in a towel and walks closer to your bed. He sits down by your legs and places the ice on your ankle. “Here, keep this on for 15 minutes and then off for 15 minutes. Then repeat as much as possible.” 

“Who’d you talk to?” You ask.

“I called the local doctor. If it gets worse you have to do a checkup, but for now, you just have to rest. Try not to walk on your foot, so call for me if you need anything.” He looks at you briefly before standing up. You’ve never seen this side of Seonghwa before, and having him take care of you like this, is making you feel something strange in your stomach. 

You look up at him from the bed, not knowing what to say. “Thank you.” You barely whisper.

He sends you a quick and awkward smile before he turns around and walks out of your room. He closes the door behind him, and you realize you’re stuck in bed after a fall, just like last year. You sigh, annoyed that this happened, but there isn’t much you can do about it. 

Laying in your bed, you suddenly feel your eyes getting heavier. It isn’t like you have anywhere else to go, so you use this opportunity to close your eyes and take a nap. It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep, and you allow yourself to sleep until you wake up.

***

It’s still bright outside when your eyes open, but when you look at the clock on your nightstand, you realize that you’ve been sleeping for a few hours. You don’t hear a sound from the rest of the house, and you wonder if Seonghwa left or if he’s asleep as well.

There’s still a sharp pain in your ankle, the ice has melted a bit. You sigh and look around the room. There isn't much to do when you’re stuck here. But the dryness in your mouth tempts you to leave your bed and get something to drink.

You know Seonghwa said to call for him if you needed anything, but a quick run to the kitchen couldn’t cause any more damage to your ankle, right? Besides, maybe he’s sleeping, and you don’t want to wake him up.

You manage to get out of bed, limping down the silent hallway. Thankful for the staircase, it helps you take it slow and hold you as you make your way down the stairs. It does hurt when you put pressure on it, but not as much as the fall last year. 

Finally, you make your way to the kitchen. It’s a little cold down here, so you want to prepare something hot. Drinking hot drinks after skiing reminds you of when you were younger. The feeling of the warmth running through your body and-

“What part of ‘call me if you need anything’ didn’t you understand?” Seonghwa’s voice makes you jump and you look behind you to see him enter the kitchen.

“I was just getting something to drink.” You mumble, standing by the cabinet to get a mug.

“You can’t walk on your foot.” He sounds like an annoyed dad as he finds a stool and places it by the kitchen island. He cocks his head towards the stool and you sit down on it. He’s showing a very bossy side of himself, and you’re not sure how to respond to it.

“I made it down here, didn’t I?” You mumble mostly to yourself, but he hears and sighs deeply.

“It’s not gonna heal if you walk,” He makes his way to the fridge and looks inside. “What do you want?”

“Hot cocoa.”

He looks back at you. “You couldn’t have said water?” His brow shoots up, looking slightly annoyed, but you shake your head.

“You asked what I want and I want hot cocoa.” Your voice is talking at a low volume, and you’re sure that if you were a dog, your ears would be hanging low and your tail would be between your legs. Seonghwa takes a second to think for himself, watching you before another sigh leaves him. 

“I guess I’m making you hot cocoa then.” He tilts his head to the side before grabbing a mug and finding the ingredients to make you some hot cocoa. You don’t say much as he prepares it, enjoying seeing him do something like this for you. 

“I thought since I lost our bet that I was being your servant for the day.” You tease, trying to fill the heavy air with some conversation.

“Well, that was before you decided to fall and make yourself useless,” He looks back at you and sends you a teasing smirk. “Besides, I’ll just save it for another day. Don’t think I’ll forget, sunshine.” 

You can't help but smile at his teasing. Usually, you want to rip his hair out, but right now, you're actually enjoying being in the same room as him.

He’s making your hot cocoa, and you feel slightly useless, sitting and staring at him. The couch is in your sight, so you step down from the stool, but as soon as your (healthy) foot touches the floor, Seonghwa’s eyes are on you. He stares at you as you freeze, scared you’ve done something wrong.

“What?” You ask. 

“Where are you going?” He’s quick to ask back.

“To the.. couch, if that’s okay with you?” 

Seonghwa doesn’t waste a second, dropping the tablespoon on the counter, taking you up bridal style again, and walking towards the couch.

“Seonghwa, you don’t have to do this,” You know saying it won’t make him stop. He’s as stubborn as you. He carefully puts you down on the couch, raising your leg so it rests on the extended part of the couch before he runs back to the kitchen. He appears a few seconds later with your hot cocoa in hand and places it on the table in front of you. “Thank you.”

“Anything else?” He asks, standing up in front of you. You look behind him at the TV, your eyes catching the remote lying on top of a shelf behind him.

“The remote..” You point.

He hands you the remote. “Alright.. If I see you walking by yourself again I’ll chain you to the couch, understood?” He looks you deep in the eyes, and for some reason, you almost think he’s serious. 

“Yes, sir.” You say teasingly, and he scoffs at you before disappearing again with a smile. 

A smile that looks dangerously good.

***

Every year you go out to have dinner at the fancy restaurant in the city close to the cottage. But due to your little stunt on the mountain yesterday, you all had to go for dinner today, as you couldn’t possibly use your foot. But it’s already getting better, and it isn’t as swollen as yesterday, so you felt even more ready for a nice evening out.

Maybe all the carrying from Seonghwa did help after all.

It’s also a fun excuse to dress up for a night and eat delicious food, so you remembered to pack the fancy dress you bought for this special occasion. A maroon-colored dress with a bare back, dropped shoulders and it hugs your body perfectly, ending on the middle of your thighs. You look in the mirror one last time before making your way downstairs to the others. It’s fun to see your parents in their fancy attire, looking like they just fell in love with each other again. 

You smile to yourself as you look around and immediately notice a set of eyes staring you down.

Seonghwa is leaning against the back of one of the couches, adjusting the cuffs on his shirt as his gaze falls on you. You can't help but smirk in response. His eyes meet yours, and you can't resist glancing down at his attire.

He is in his black blazer with black pants, but instead of a regular button-down underneath, he is wearing something a runway model would wear. A white silk shirt with ruffles and lace is showing under his jacket, and no part of you is surprised by his choice of clothes. Whenever he can wear something a little different, he will, and he always pulls it off. 

Is he the biggest pain in the ass? Absolutely. 

Is he also very attractive? Oh, absolutely.

It’s actually irritating how beautiful this man is, but no way in hell you would ever tell him that. He knows he looks good, no need to boost his ego.

You decide to look away from him before you make yourself too obvious, as you get the sense that it’s time to leave soon. You decide to wait outside by the door as you’re waiting for the two families to leave. Suddenly, a presence is standing next to you, but you don’t need to look to see who joined you.

“Like what you’re seeing?” You ask teasingly, not even sparing him a glance.

“You look like my dream girl.” Seonghwa says confidently as he steps in front of you, looking down into your eyes.

His tall frame takes up most of the space in your sight, and you look up to meet his dark eyes. For some unknown reason you feel your heart beating faster, and it only increases when he puts some hair behind your ear.

“Really?” You manage to get out.

“I never said what kind of dream,” he says, slowly leaning in to whisper in your ear. “You’re my fucking nightmare.”

Seonghwa leans back to send you a wink along with a smirk before turning around to walk away and enter one of the cars waiting outside, leaving you behind, baffled. You almost want to laugh at how ridiculous he is, mentally cursing yourself for showing a slight reaction to his words. You brush off the feeling inside you and you enter another car waiting outside to take you to the restaurant in the city. 

You all drive for a few minutes, each family in each car, before entering the city with Christmas lights hanging everywhere. The restaurant is also decorated outside with lights, a group of Christmas carols singing on the other side of the street. 

It’s not like you’re from a rich family that goes to expensive restaurants a lot, but this was a tradition you’ve always shared with the Parks, so you would of course do it again this year. 

A male waiter follows you to your table, and you notice it’s a rather busy night, not seeing a single empty table. Christmas lights are decorating the ceiling, as well as generic Christmas instrumentals fill the air. A table for five comes into view with lit-up candles, and you find your way to the end. Your parents are busy talking with Seonghwa’s dad, laughing at something that happened before you arrived earlier today, leaving you in your own world. The waiter hands out a menu for you, and you can’t help but notice how his eyes linger on you for a few seconds, his dimples showing when you make eye contact. You can’t help but smile back at his warm eyes, feeling the heat in your cheeks. He disappears again after having handed out the menus to the rest of the table, and you look across the table by chance and notice how Seonghwa’s eyes are staring at you. 

Something you can’t read is evident in his gaze, but you choose to quickly shoot your eyes to the menu. For some unknown reason, Seonghwa is making looking at him harder than usual, and you can’t exactly pinpoint what it is. 

A few moments pass, and the waiter comes back to take everyone's orders. He saves you for last, sending you a warm smile.

“And what can I get for you, miss?” His dimples even show when he’s talking. 

“I’m torn between the smoked salmon and the scallops.. Do you have a recommendation?” You send him a smile.

“Ohh, that’s a tough one.. Personally, I would be in for salmon, so that would be my choice. But that depends on you, of course.” He smirks, trying to continue the casual talk between you. You’re too lost in your conversation with him, figuring out what to eat, to realize the piercing eyes across from you. Seonghwa’s eyes shoot between you and the waiter, for some reason feeling annoyed with him. 

You end up choosing the smoked salmon, and handing him back the menu. A wink is sent in your direction before he makes his way to the kitchen. Casual talk then spreads across the table. Mr. Park looks in your direction, wanting to hear how you’ve been doing since the last time you spoke.

“I’ve been doing very well, Mr. Park, thank you for asking.” You respond to the kind man across the table.

“That’s good! And you’re still enjoying your job?” 

"Definitely. It is a bit far away though, so my car is very necessary. But it is having a hard time driving, especially in the winter months, so I’m considering saving up for a new car or finding a job a bit closer.” You answer, your parents adding to the conversation and carrying it on. 

“Maybe you should ask the waiter what he thinks you should do.” Seonghwa says across from you, low enough not to cause any attention to him from the rest of the table, but you hear him loud and clear. 

Your eyes glare at him, but he only responds with an annoying smile. You roll your eyes, trying to focus on the conversation between your parents. 

A few moments later your food arrives, and the salmon is placed in front of you. You all start eating, and you do your best to ignore the eyes looking at you from time to time across the table. 

Giving him attention will only make it worse, you think.

“How are you enjoying the salmon, miss?” A voice speaks behind you, and you look up to see the waiter sending you another smile. Cheeks heating up again, you do your best to answer confidently. 

“It’s really good, definitely the right decision.” 

“I’m glad, personally it’s my favorite item on the menu.” He tells you.

“I totally understand why, the greens on the side really complement it as well.” You add to the conversation. The kind waiter is about to answer when a voice interrupts.

“Waiter?” Seonghwa’s voice cuts through, stealing your attention. “I ordered my steak to be medium-well, this steak is cooked medium-rare.” He points at his food, eying the waiter.

An apologetic expression spreads on the waiter's face. “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I’ll take it back to the kitchen for you.” He sends Seonghwa the best smile he can manage, before disappearing into the kitchen with Seonghwa’s food.

“Why did you do that?” Your eyes are locked on Seonghwa, trying to speak in a low voice so you won’t draw attention.

“I just want what I ordered.” Seonghwa shrugs before bringing his wine glass to his lips. 

“There’s no need to be an ass about it.” 

A smirk tugs on Seonghwa’s lips. “Aww, I’m sorry.. Am I making it hard for your boyfriend?”

“What is wrong with you?”

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Would it kill you to see me be just a little happy?"

A scoff leaves his mouth. “Welcome to the real world. Maybe you’ll notice how everything isn’t perfect, sunshine.”

You want to reach across the table and rip that annoying smile off his face. Everything inside of you is boiling, even looking at him is making you feel insane. It takes everything in you not to say something rude because you’re all adults here (even if some aren't acting like it) and you want this trip to have good memories. 

You grab your wine glass and gulp down the last bit before heading to the bathrooms. 5 minutes away from Seonghwa would be enough not to scream at him. 

Luckily it isn’t filled with people in the bathroom, letting you get some time to breathe for yourself. 

You knew Seonghwa had gone through a hard time the last few years since his mom died, so you somehow always had an apology for him in your head, why he was acting like he was. But he was going personal tonight, and you didn’t know why. It wasn’t an excuse to be an asshole. 

You saw the rage in your eyes as you looked at yourself, but suddenly, your attention was stolen by the door opening to the bathroom. Seonghwa’s large frame entered the room, your eyes rolling at the sight of him.

“Did I say something to trigger you?” He spoke in a low voice.

“You do that all the time, Seonghwa. Don’t act like this is any different.” You didn’t spare him a glance as you spoke, keeping your eyes on yourself in the mirror.

“You haven’t walked away like that since I said your hair looked as fried as a burnt fry at McDonald's.” He calls back to a moment a few years ago when you were also fed up with his teasing. It wasn’t even that deep of a comment, you were just not feeling it that day.

“I guess I’m not in the mood for this right now.” You respond with a lower voice. Through the mirror, you look to see if any of the stalls are taken and if anyone is listening to your conversation. It doesn’t look like it. “Also, you’re in the women's bathroom. You can’t be here.”

“Well, I upset you and wanted to talk it out.”

A part of you wants to laugh. Never have those words left his mouth.

“How mature of you.”

“I’m sorry.” His footsteps are coming closer to you, and suddenly you see him in the mirror behind you. He actually sounds like he’s apologizing, and not saying this mockingly. It catches you off guard for a few seconds, but you make eye contact with him through the mirror. He’s watching you carefully like he’s afraid to say something else to upset you.

“Didn’t think you were capable of apologizing.” You want to joke, but the air between you is too heavy.

“Maybe you’ll learn some new things about me on this trip.” He says with his hands resting in the front pockets of his pants. 

“Maybe.” You shrug, finally turning around towards him. “If anything, you should apologize to the waiter.” You can’t help but feel sorry for the waiter, having to run around because of Seonghwa.

“I don’t care about the waiter.” His voice is cold.

“And you care about me?” You say with a laugh, expecting him to say ‘no’ immediately, but when silence surrounds the two of you, you suddenly don’t know what to say. His eyes are just watching you, studying your face and it makes you feel a certain way you haven’t felt before. A feeling you can't pinpoint what is. 

“You know what this dress needs?” He suddenly says, completely changing the subject.

“What?”

“A necklace.” He looks down on your bare neck. 

You know this dress calls for a necklace, and you mentally cursed at yourself when you realized you had left your bag of jewelry on your desk. Luckily, that is the only thing you’ve forgotten (hopefully).

“I forgot all of my jewelry at home.” You shrug.

His eyes focus on your neck for a short moment before he reaches behind his own neck. Suddenly, a necklace you didn’t know he was wearing came into sight and he held it out in front of him. A silver necklace with white pearl pendants.

“Turn around.”

You shake your head. “I’m not wearing your-”

“Turn around.” He says more firmly, and you do as he says. Your eyes focus on your neck as he places the necklace on you, and you immediately notice how well it compliments your dress. Seonghwa’s warm fingers lightly touch the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. This feels incredibly intimate, especially because you notice the way his eyes roam over you.

“It was my mothers.” Seonghwa says in almost a whisper, eyes still locked on your neck through the mirror. Your breath hitches, suddenly feeling like you shouldn’t be wearing this.

“Seonghwa.. I can’t wear this.” Your fingers touch the pendant. 

“I know she would’ve loved to see you in it.” A small smile tugs on his lips, obviously thinking about his mom. You don’t know what to say. His mom was the nicest woman you’ve ever met, and you do miss her dearly. You can’t even imagine how Seonghwa feels. “She really liked you, you know.” His eyes dart up, meeting yours through the mirror. 

“I liked her too.” You send him a smile, remembering all the good times you've shared with her.

“And I know she would've chopped my hands off if she knew I made you upset. So I’m genuinely sorry.” He looks apologetic, not an ounce of teasing evident in his voice. You’ve never shared a moment like this with him, and if you were close, you would’ve hugged him and told him everything was okay. But you can’t remember the last time you shared affection with him, so you just try your best to send him a smile through the mirror.

“Thank you.” Your voice is a whisper, and he steps closer to you to remove some hair on your shoulder. This makes the necklace more apparent on your neck, and you smile at the view. “It’s beautiful.”

You just now notice how close you are to him, slightly feeling his front against your bare back. He has a perfect height when he stands next to you, and even more when he stands behind you like now. 

His eyes are all over you through the mirror, and the feeling is not something you ever expected to feel so exciting. You can’t help but look back at him, seeing how good his suit looks on him. You stare at the shirt he’s wearing under his jacket, and in this light, you notice that it’s made of sheer fabric, making it slightly see-through. 

You hate how much you’re staring, but you can’t help it. And when he’s staring back at you, the same look in his eyes, you know you’re in too deep.

The door to the bathroom suddenly opens, and a lady stops at the door, looking confused as if she didn't think she entered the right bathroom. Seonghwa looks at her and then back to you through the mirror.

“I better go.” He says above a whisper, looking down at you one last time before heading out of the bathroom. You don’t pay any attention to the lady entering, only focused on what just happened between you and Seonghwa. 

It takes you a moment to get back to your senses, but you eventually get there and head back to your table.

The rest of the dinner went differently. Every time you looked across the table, you'd meet Seonghwa's eyes. You'd both hold the gaze for longer than you'd anticipate, feeling heat in your cheeks before darting your eyes away from him.

You didn’t see much of the waiter for the rest of the night, Seonghwa probably scaring him away from your table. 

When you made it home to the cottage, you all started getting ready for bed. It was getting late, and you were getting tired as well. Coming up from the stairs, you walked towards your room, when suddenly a hand grabbed your wrist. Surprised, you stop your tracks and look to see Seonghwa appear from his room. His eyes met yours in an instant, standing close to you.

“I apologized to the waiter. Happy?” He said with a low voice. He almost sounds defeated, like he lost an important battle, but you can’t help but enjoy it a little bit.

“I didn’t think you cared about him?” You said, finding it new that he’s apologizing.

“I don’t, not in the slightest. Couldn’t care less about what he’s feeling.” He shrugged, and you wanted to roll your eyes before he spoke again. “But I’m trying to do the right thing here. Even if I was just making him do his job, I could’ve been a little nicer. I’ll admit.” He kept the eye contact and the soft grasp around your wrist, making you focus on him.

A smile spreads on your lips. “Should I get used to this? You apologizing? Because I kinda like it.” You tease. He scoffs, looking down at you with the same look in his eyes as earlier. The one where he studies you to the smallest details, somehow making you nervous. 

“A little dangerous starting to like something that has to do with me, don’t you think?” He teases back, a smirk growing on his face. The dimmed light in the hallway makes everything seem slightly more intimate, and with the way you’re feeling when he’s looking at you like this, you know you have to keep your shit together. 

This is Park Seonghwa. 

Yes, he has helped you with your ankle and whatever.

But you’d never be able to actually get along. You’re built to argue with him. Tease, mock, pick on, just like he does with you. The two of you don’t know any better, but somehow, looking at him right now, you can’t do that. You don’t even know what to do, because you’ve never felt this way when looking at him. 

And it’s a brand new territory.

His free hand raises, and you do nothing but wait to see where it lands, when he suddenly traces his finger from your jaw and down to your neck. You feel the necklace move under his touch, suddenly reminded that you’re wearing it. 

“Oh, the necklace.” You put your hands behind your neck to take it off, but Seonghwa shakes his head, taking your hands down. 

“Let me.” He says, and you turn around, collecting your hair to one side. Waiting for him to take it off, you suddenly feel his hands on your waist, turning you slightly so he has better light. But the feeling of his hands on your waist makes your heart beat faster, leaving burning marks where his fingers touched. His fingers are on your skin as he removes the necklace sends shivers down your spine, and the necklace is gone. 

But Seonghwa notices the way you’re reacting to his touch, smiling to himself as you turn back around to face him. 

“Thanks for letting me borrow it.” You smile.

“Always.” 

With one last look, you decide to go into your room, scared of what could happen if you stayed out there any longer. 

***

You took a deep breath as you sat down on the bench at the end of the ski slope. You took a moment to watch people coming down the mountain on their skis or snowboards while you enjoyed finally being out again.

You had looked forward to this, spending the entire day here. This was one of the main reasons you even visited this cottage every year. To ski and have fun.

What you didn’t expect was the intense pain.

In your ankle? no.

Or a little, but the pain was mostly in your stomach due to your period. 

You didn’t think it would be arriving while being on this trip, but of course, it had to arrive at this time. Therefore, you didn’t have anything prepared, other than a few emergency pads. But the pain you felt was actually the worst, making you have to take a break.

You look up to see a person get close at an awfully fast speed on their snowboard, making you think they’ll crash into you but they stop right in front of you, making snow splash everywhere. You don’t have to think twice to recognize Seonghwa’s attire in front of you.

“Asshole.” You mumble as Seonghwa takes off his helmet, smiling at his own little stunt.

“You okay?” He asks, noticing the slight discomfort on your face.

“Yeah, it’s just… my ankle.” You lie. You didn’t feel like sharing with Seonghwa what was really hurting you. And your ankle did hurt a bit, so it wasn’t a complete lie. But it was definitely mostly the pain in your stomach that held you from being on the slopes right now.

“Is it getting worse?” Seonghwa asks, suddenly being back to being your doctor. 

“Yeah.” You respond, not exactly knowing what to say.

“Are you okay, honey?” Your mom suddenly appears in her ski attire, walking over to you and Seonghwa. 

“I’m fine.” You respond shortly.

“It’s her ankle.” Seonghwa says, making you want to throw a snowball in his face. Not only because it wasn’t the entire truth, but also because you know how much your mom is concerned about your ankle. You knew she wasn’t a fan of you being on the slopes already, scared that you might get as hurt as last year.

Your mom looks at you with worry. “Darling, you should take your time to heal.” She walks closer to you. “I don’t think skiing is a good idea..” Your mom doesn't hide the look on her face. You know she’s saying this with pure love, but you don’t know what else to do. This is what you came for. But she didn’t want you to get hurt, not any more than you already are.

“What else can I do?” You ask.

“You can drive to the city?” She sounds optimistic like it’s the funniest thing to do in an area filled with slopes and snow.

“To do what?” 

“I need some new ornaments for the tree. You can drive to the city and pick some for us.” She makes it sound like it’s the best idea ever. And you’ll admit; it was better than staying home while everyone else is out in the snow. 

“Fine..” 

“I’ll come with you.” Seonghwa suddenly adds to the conversation, and you and your mom both look at him.

“Are you sure?” Your mom asks, sounding slightly confused since she knows how you and Seonghwa never spend time together voluntarily. 

“Yeah, I’m getting a little sore from all the snowboarding, I could use a break,” He smiles at your mom. “Besides, with her luck, falling two years in a row, I think it’s a good idea to have someone keep an eye on her.” He smirks in your direction, but you only send back an obvious fake smile. 

Your mom’s face, on the other hand, lights up like a Christmas tree. It’s a tradition for your mom to get a new ornament for the Christmas tree every year, so you know this means more for her than it does for the rest of you. It was a tradition she shared with Seonghwa’s mom, but your mom continued it like she still had her best friend to do it with.

“Amazing! Can’t wait to see what you guys bring back.”

***

The trip to the city went as you’d expect. It wasn’t the best time of your life, but it was nice to finally be outside. You got to see the city in daylight, but it was definitely prettier in the nighttime with all the lights lighting up the sky. 

With Seonghwa’s help, you found seven ornaments - one for each of you. You picked one for yourself and your parents, while Seonghwa picked one for himself, his dad, his sister, and his mom. They were simple, the designs looking like they were supposed to be snowflakes, but they all looked different.

While Seonghwa paid for the ornaments, you looked at other Christmas decorations. There were all kinds of decorations, everything from the most elegant and minimalistic to the downright ugly. 

You stood with an elf in your hands, admiring how cute it was when another wave of pain suddenly hit your lower region. Despite living with it for years, you somehow never get used to it. You winced in pain, trying to keep a straight face when you suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder.

“You alright?” Seonghwa sounded worried, but you just nodded. You put down the elf and put on your best smile.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” 

As he opens the door for you, he still looks worried. You make your way to your car, and he unlocks it. Just as you grab the handle, you're hit with another wave of pain. You hold yourself on the stomach, slightly leaning forward, hoping to ease the discomfort. You quickly try to ignore the feeling and get into the car.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Seonghwa looks at you from the driver’s seat. “Are you sick? Is it your ankle?” The questions fly out of him like there’s no tomorrow, but you shake your head, not wanting to draw attention.

“No, no.. It’s fine. Just go.” 

“Do you need to pee? Are you hungry? Do you-”

“For the love of all great things, just drive, Seonghwa.” You don’t mean to make it sound rude, but the words left your mouth before you could even think.

Seonghwa responds with a deep sigh, before starting the car. “We need to get gas before we continue on, we’re running out.” 

Silence fills the air as he drives to a gas station not far away from the city. He gets out of the car and starts filling it up with the gas you need. A short moment goes by before he opens the door to reach for his wallet, but you stop him.

“I can pay for the gas.” You say, looking for your wallet in your bag. 

“It’s fine, I’ll pay. Wait here.” His voice is cold and you watch him as he makes his way into the gas station. You sigh to yourself, annoyed that you lash out without thinking, when in fact, Seonghwa was just being nice. He was probably just worried about your foot like he had been ever since you fell. He has never shown this amount of worry for you, so it did surprise you when he took so much care of you and volunteered to drive with you to the city. 

You’re too focused on your thoughts to notice Seonghwa coming back, and entering the car. You look at him but are suddenly surprised when a small white bag is placed on your lap. He turns on the engine and drives away from the gas station. 

Curious and confused, you look in the bag, and you can’t believe what you see. It’s filled with Advils, chocolate bars, juice, water, pads, and a package of menstrual cramp relief heating pads. 

You have no idea how to react. Emotions everywhere, you almost want to cry, but you don’t. You just look at him and stare at his side profile as he focuses on driving your car.

“Thank you..” You say with a low voice.

“You’re welcome.”

Another silence.

“How did you know?” You ask.

“I’ve grown up with a mom and an older sister. I’m very much aware of periods and that people with periods go through pain.” His voice is turning softer as he speaks, not as cold as before. You look into the bag again and grab the heating pads, not sure how to use them.

You’ve used your heating pillow for ages, but of course, forgot to bring it on the trip.

“They heat up and relax the muscles in your lower abdomen so you’ll be in less pain,” Seonghwa explains like he knows how to read your mind. “I’ve heard. I haven’t tried it for myself, for obvious reasons, but my sister always uses these.” His gaze shifts between the heating pads in your hands and the road.

“Thank you..” You say once again. You feel like you’re thanking him a lot on this trip. “And I’m sorry.” You look at him, feeling bad for snapping at him when he just wanted to know if you were okay. His eyes meet yours, and after a few seconds, he sends you a smile.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” 

The annoying smile of his sends a feeling to your stomach again. The same warm, strange feeling you also felt earlier with him this week. Your breath hitches from the feeling, and you shake your head to yourself.

It’s nothing.

Don’t think about it.

***

The day after, you decided to take things a bit slow. You wanted to join the others on the slopes, but your body was simply too worn out. But that didn’t stop you from spending time at the café, located at the bottom of the slope. You decided to bring a book as you sat in the corner, watching people enter from being up on the slopes. They were all in their ski attire, ready to conquer the slopes after getting something to drink. 

The door to the cozy cafe opened and you'd recognize that helmet anywhere. Seonghwa entered by himself, taking the helmet off his head as he walked to the desk to order. You saw his eyes roaming the café, so you decided to focus on your book, deciding to look busy. You only read a few lines before a voice caught your attention.

“Hey, sunshine,” Seonghwa’s voice said, placing his helmet on the other bench at your table. “What are you doing here?”

“Got bored at the cottage.” You shrug.

He took off his big jacket and placed it on one of your seats as well. “Mind if I join you here?” Seonghwa asks as he basically has already taken over half the space at your table.

“No, go ahead.” You answer before he goes back to the desk to order. Your eyes are about to scan the book again when a new voice interrupts.

“Excuse me..” The voice says, and you look up to see a girl around the same age as you. She looks sweet and pretty, and very innocent. “Sorry, but are you dating him?” She asks shyly while pointing at Seonghwa. 

“Uhm, no.” You shake your head, slightly confused.

“Do you know if he’s dating anyone?”

“I don't think so.” You explain, telling her the truth. You have no idea what his dating life is like, but you don't think he is.

“Oh, okay.. I just didn’t want to shoot my shot if you were his girlfriend.” She smiles, before excusing herself again. Your eyes watch as she approaches Seonghwa, but you’re unable to hear what is being said between them. All you see is Seonghwa suddenly darting his eyes at you as the girl is speaking, and you look back into your book. You’re not getting further with your book, because Seonghwa comes back not long after.

“Here.” He says as he places a mug of hot cocoa in front of you. He puts one down for himself as well before sitting down at the table. You don’t recall asking him to get you this, but the fact that he did it was nice.. or whatever.

“Thank you,” Your eyes scan the cocoa, topped with whipped cream and cinnamon. “So.. Did you get her number?” You ask, eying him carefully to hear his response.

“What?” He responded like he didn’t just talk to a girl who was clearly interested in him.

“That girl.. She came to me and asked if you were dating anyone and wanted to shoot your shot with you. So?”

He shook his head, grabbing a spoon to scoop some whipped cream from his drink. “I didn’t get her number. I thanked her for the opportunity, but I’m not interested.”

You don’t know why but this makes you slightly confused. Everyone could tell that Seonghwa was a beautiful human being, and it’s not the first time you've seen someone attempt to flirt with him. This makes you realize that you don’t know anything about his relationships, hookups, or people he has crushed on in the past. He had never brought anyone with him as his partner, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have one. You’ve just never heard about them.

“Why? You have someone waiting at home?” You ask, feeling weirdly comfortable having this conversation.

“I don’t know, do I?” A smirk tugs on his lips before he brings the spoon with whipped cream to his mouth. Your brows shoot together, feeling confused. 

“How should I know?” You ask as you grab a spoonful of whipped cream as well. 

“I don’t know. But to answer your question; I’m not interested in anyone. As I’ve said before, you’re the only one that can handle me.” The smirk only grows on his face, and you know what he’s doing. 

It wasn’t new for Seonghwa to throw these kinds of comments your way, especially with a smirk evident on his face. He knows sending flirty remarks your way would make you uncomfortable (in the beginning), but you’ve gotten so used to it that you can’t help but laugh. It’s obvious that he only does it to be annoying, but a sarcastic laugh still finds its way out of you.

“Right, could you imagine? Us dating?” You joke.

“Would it be terrible?” He asks, teeth showing from smiling.

“We would rip off each other's heads within a week.” You answer confidently. 

“What would you do if we got married?”

“Divorce you.”

This makes him laugh, a sound that is so incredibly addicting that it’s annoying. Yet you can't help but smile.

“See that’s what I mean. Only you would say that.” Seonghwa argues like he’s actually serious about this topic.

“Like you wouldn’t do the same.” You roll your eyes, scooping another spoonful of whipped cream. You knew that if you and Seonghwa were married, it would probably turn into a competition of who could sign the divorce papers first. Yes, you and Seonghwa have gotten closer on this trip, and you’ll admit; he has been doing some very nice things to you. But you’re convinced he would never actually consider taking this a step further. You’re not his type, you know that. 

Seonghwa leans forward towards you, speaking in a volume that makes this seem like an important topic.

“Be honest with me, you couldn’t ever see us dating?”

The fact that he’s still talking about this, is making you question everything.

“I don’t know, is it important?” You shrug.

“It’s a simple question.” He leans his head slightly to the side, questioning you. 

“Could you see us dating?” You ask back.

“I asked you first.”

He leans back in his seat, waiting for your answer. The answer is simple, right? Yet you don’t know why you’re not spitting out a hard “no”. Instead, you’re taking your time, reading his body language, trying to figure out how to answer this the best way.

“I mean.. There’s a lot of things to take into consideration when talking about topics like that- what?” You ask in the middle of your sentence when you see a smile growing on his face like he’s entertained.

“Just answer yes or no.” 

“Then… No.” You finally answer.

“Why not?” 

Growing tired of him questioning you about this like it’s actually important, you release a deep sigh and close your book. “Because you’re a menace 92% of the time.” 

The topic is making your hands sweaty and your mouth dry for some unknown reason. You grab your hot cocoa after eating most of the whipped cream on top, blowing on the drink so you won’t burn yourself. 

“And the remaining 8%?” He asks, also taking his hot cocoa in his hands.

You scan his face for a moment, trying to figure out the best answer without boosting his ego too much. “You’re bearable.”

“I can work with that.” He shrugs with a smirk before taking a sip of his drink.

***

Seonghwa decided to join you on your way back to the cottage after drinking the hot cocoa. You don’t mind it, now having a feeling that you can actually have a normal conversation with him.

It’s a Christmas miracle. 

“Have you ever watched the Gringe? You two are like the same person.” Seonghwa enters the living room and throws himself on the couch next to you.

Nevermind.

You roll your eyes, not sparing him a glance. "Funny." You say. 

You fix the heating pad on your stomach, feeling the pain slowly fading away. He notices your hands on your stomach and the crumbled chocolate wrap next to you.

“You know, there’s another way to get rid of period pain.” He says, and you feel his eyes on you. 

"I can’t believe that I’m asking you, out of all people, but what?” You turn your head to look at him, and a smirk suddenly makes its way to his lips.

“Orgasms.”

You throw your head back along with a deep sigh. “You just had to, didn’t you? You just had to make it sexual?” Your reaction makes him laugh, a sound you’ve gotten awfully used to the last few days. 

“I’m being deadly serious, though. It’s scientifically proven.” He sits up more straight and turns to look at you. “It obviously doesn’t have to be done by a partner, you can do it by yourself. I’m just saying..” He ends it with a shrug and holds his hands up in defense.

“Well thank you, but no thank you.”

“Just thought I’d share my knowledge with you.. Also to let you know that I completely understand if the pain gets too much and you need to.. you know.” The smirk is evident in his voice, but you just send him a glare.

“I repeat.. Thank you, but no thank you.”

“Alright..” He lies down on the couch again and a silence surrounds you. You turn your head to look at him but are met with a smirk and you don’t have to think twice to know what he’s thinking about. 

“Seonghwa, I will knock you on your fat ass if you even think about it.”

Another laugh escapes him, and you can’t help but smile at the sound. “Alright, alright.. Sorry.”

Before you actually knock him out, your parents enter the cottage along with Seonghwa’s dad. Not even a minute goes by before your mom is in the living room, a huge smile on her face and eyes on you.

“Honey! You never guess what happened!” Her excitement steals both your and Seonghwa’s attention. “We were at the ski resort, and we met the waiter from dinner the other night!” She’s practically jumping and clapping, overly excited about this.

“Oh, really?” You say, slightly confused. You haven’t thought much about the waiter since the dinner. He was really cute and seemed to give you a new form of attention, but for some reason, your mind has been a little.. occupied the last few days.

“Yes, and he immediately recognized us and he asked for your number!” Her words almost make your eyes pop out of your skull.

“My number?” 

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted it, but I saw the way he looked at you at dinner,” She wiggled her eyebrows, acting like the ultimate wingwoman. “Instead I asked for his on your behalf, then you can text him if you’d like. He said he would like to take you to dinner before we leave.” She handed you a napkin with a number and his name on it, and you looked at it for a few seconds, contemplating how you should feel.

“Oh.. Cool, thanks.”

You were happy, of course you were. A guy who looks incredibly cute is requesting to take you out to dinner. What’s not to like?

But for some reason, a teeny tiny piece of you don’t want this. But a dinner with him won’t hurt anyone, right? 

***

It’s been a few days since you got the waiter’s phone number. You made the decision to text him later that night, thanking him for being such a good waiter on the first night. The conversation then escalated to him inviting you to dinner the day after tomorrow, on the 23rd. A lot of thoughts roamed your mind, wondering if you should do it or not. He was really nice, and seemed like a good guy, so why weren’t you ecstatic about this?

You ended up saying yes, throwing yourself out there. It’s just a date. Besides, he probably lives in the area and you live a few hours away. Most likely, this won’t even work out, but a fun night out could be needed.

You’ve also had a nice few days, feeling extremely happy. Your period is over, your ankle is feeling better and everyone seems to be in a good mood. The other day, your mom even commented on the fact that you and Seonghwa aren’t bickering as much as you used to. You didn’t know what to say about that, quickly changing the topic of conversation.

It’s not like you had an answer to that, anyway. 

You walk down the stairs, about to head to the kitchen when something catches your eye. You stop in your tracks and look into the living room. All by himself, Seonghwa is standing next to the Christmas tree, looking at one specific ornament. Slowly, you make your way towards him, watching as his fingers trace the ornament.

“Hi.” You say in a low volume, trying not to startle him. He looks back at you, putting on his best smile, but you can tell something is roaming his mind.

“Hey.” His gaze returns to the ornament, and you quickly realize it’s the one he chose for his mom when you and him were shopping for Christmas ornaments. It’s elegant, simple, and definitely her style.

“It’s pretty.” You say, keeping your eyes on the snowflake.

“Yeah.. I feel like she would have chosen this one.” Seonghwa’s eyes still don't leave it, and he’s watching it with so much love. Like he’s actually looking at his mom.

“She did. Through you.” You look away from the ornament and turn to look at him. Even more love shines through his eyes, and you can’t stop looking at him. You can tell he is thinking about his mom and all she did for him - which was a lot. She was a wonderful mom who did anything for her kids. When Seonghwa was a kid, she never missed a football game, she supported him and his sister with everything and kept a smile on her face during anything. 

“She loved Christmas,” Seonghwa says, clearly thinking of memories with his mom. “She loved coming here to the cottage, celebrating the holidays with you and your family. It was when she was the happiest.” His gaze finally leaves the snowflake decorating the tree, looking to meet your eyes.

You can’t help but think of the memories with her either. “She defined Christmas for me. I remember when we were visiting you guys in the summertime, she would make us look through the photo albums of earlier Christmases.” You find yourself laughing with Seonghwa at the memory, clearly remembering how much she loves Christmas.

“Yeah.. she was really into making memories. She loved it,” His smile froze before it slowly fell again, something clearly replacing the happy thoughts. “Ironic, how that’s the only thing I have of her now.” Sadness appears in his voice, as his eyes go back to the ornament. 

“That’s not true, Seonghwa,” You shake your head, suddenly getting the urge to grab his hand, but you don’t. “You have all the pictures, you wear her necklace, and you have us. And I know she’s here with us. Do you really think she wouldn’t be here with you for Christmas? She would never do that.” You have to fight yourself not to have tears in your eyes, but it gets even harder when Seonghwa looks at you with glistening eyes. 

Seonghwa takes in a deep breath of air and looks up at the ceiling. He blinks a few times like he’s trying his best not to cry in front of you, but you somehow wish he would. You want him to know that it’s okay. That it’s okay to cry and miss her. Because you do too, and you can’t even imagine how much pain he feels every day, not being able to touch her. Talk to her. Be with her.

He releases his breath of air and looks back down at you. “Thank you.”

His eyes are still glistening, but it feels nice talking to him about this. You’ve never talked much about his mother’s passing, not being good at expressing emotions to one another. But this trip has opened up something for both of you, allowing you to talk about your feelings. 

Feeling slightly restless, you send him one last smile, before turning around. 

“Wait..” Seonghwa stops you before you manage to walk away, and you turn around as you wait for him to say something. His eyes flicker for a moment as he tries to figure out how to word the thoughts in his head. “I’m sorry.”

The apology came out of nowhere, making your brows shoot together in question.

“For?”

He takes another moment to collect his thoughts.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting the last few..” He looks up to think but scoffs at himself. “The last few years, at this point.” He looks deep into your eyes, wanting you to know that he’s not messing around right now. “I’ve said some mean things and I’ve been way over the line and you didn’t deserve that. I guess after my mom passed, I held so much anger inside of me because I regretted so many things when it came to her. So instead of dealing with it in a healthy way, I took it out on you. And don’t ask me why, because I don’t know, honestly. Maybe it was because you reminded me of her with your kind personality and everything, and so it just made me angry that she wasn’t here..” He looked down between you, gathering his thoughts before continuing.

“Either way, it doesn’t make it okay, and I’m really sorry if I’ve said some things to upset you.. Which I know I have, but I can’t remember all of them.” Seonghwa tries to send you a smile, but it ends up looking a little awkward. 

You didn’t expect this at all. Your mouth feels dry from this big apology, not knowing what to say. A part of you always sensed that his mother’s passing triggered something in him to make him angry with you, but you didn’t know why. And it seemed like he didn’t either, but you could tell that he was genuinely sorry. 

You send him a smile, not wanting him to feel bad anymore. 

“Thank you. And I’m sorry too if I’ve ever said something back in rage.” You apologize, knowing for sure that you’ve said some things to him that weren't very nice either.

“You don’t have to apologize, I probably deserved it.” Seonghwa tries to joke, forcing a smile. “I just don’t want my mom to be disappointed with me.”

Once again, your heart breaks for him. You know how much she meant to him.

“Seonghwa, your mom was an amazing and beautiful woman. She raised you and your sister to be good people, and you are. The two of us have not always gotten along the best, but if it wasn’t for you, I probably wouldn’t even be able to stand up right now, hadn’t you taken so much care of my ankle. You bought me a bunch of stuff to help me get through my period. Or last year when I fell on my skis and I couldn’t walk, I know you were the one who bought me my favorite brownies because no one knows I love them but you. Or three years ago when my car crashed, you drove me to the mechanic and when I had to pay a week later, you had paid for it and asked them to lie and tell me I had won some stupid competition that made it free.”

“Why do you think I paid for it?”

“I knew something was up so I asked for the details and they couldn’t lie anymore. I saw the payment. P.S.H written with your bank account number.” You explained, making his eyes flicker.

“Well.. You didn’t have a job at the time.” He started excusing, but it only proved your point further.

“Exactly. And that’s what I mean, Seonghwa. Your mom could never be disappointed with you, because even though the two of us weren’t even friends, you still helped me, and you help everyone around you. Your mom loves you, and I know she’s watching over you with nothing but care. She would be really proud of you.” 

This is what pushes Seonghwa over the edge. He looks away from you and a sob escapes him. For the first time, you see Seonghwa cry. Not even right after his mom passed did you see him cry. But now, you see tears cover his cheeks, despite him desperately trying to hide his face with his hands. 

Doing something you’ve never done, you take a few steps closer to him and wrap your arms around his waist to hug him. This is not about the past, how much you used to fight, or if you’re even friends. Right now, he’s crying because of the loss of his mother, and you need to be there for him.

You feel Seonghwa wrap his arms around you too, fully accepting this as he tries to control his sobs. Your head is pressed against his chest, and you’re able to hear his heart pounding fast. It’s a sound so intimate and it only makes you want to be closer to him. To hear him talk for hours about what is roaming his mind, no matter how emotional it might get.

You don’t know how long you’re hugging him, but his sobs quietly die down, and his heart starts to beat at a normal pace. 

“Thank you.” He mumbles in your embrace, and you pull back to see his eyes slightly red and puffy. You’re not ready to leave him yet, not wanting him to be alone.

“Are you busy?” You suddenly ask. He seems a little taken aback by your sudden question but shakes his head.

“No.”

“Do you want to watch ‘Home Alone’ with me?” You point to the TV, thinking this would be a good way to end the day. A smile creeps up on his lips, and he nods.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

***

Everyone has gone to bed, and after spending what feels like hours being nervous about your date in two days, you decide to head to bed. After changing into your oversized nightshirt, you carefully make your way to the bathroom. You make sure not to make too much noise so you won’t wake up the rest, and start getting ready to brush your teeth. 

Suddenly the door to the bathroom opens, and Seonghwa walks in, unaware that you’re here.

“Oh sorry, I thought you had gone to bed.” He excuses, stopping his tracks. You can’t help but notice how he’s only in his sweatpants, his bare chest visible. You have to fight everything in you not to look down at his naked torso, but it’s almost impossible. 

“I’m about to.” You say, holding the toothbrush in hand.

“Can I brush my teeth?” He asks, pointing at his toothbrush by the sink.

“Sure.” You answer, taking a step away to give him some space.. and not to be too close to him, because he looks better than you imagined, and you're not sure how to behave right now. 

He walks to the sink, and as you brush your teeth, you slowly find your eyes traveling to him. You’ve seen his chest before, but that was years ago when you went to the beach as teens. But now, seeing him as an adult, he’s completely changed. He’s slender with a thin waist, but still lean and muscles visible. His sweatpants are hanging low, making you able to see his entire abdomen and down to the top of his pelvis area through the mirror. 

Never have you seen him like this before, but it’s definitely doing something to you. You feel something in your stomach, the same thing you’ve felt before. And it’s making you want to go absolutely crazy.

But little do you know that Seonghwa is doing anything in his power not to look at you. When he walked out and saw you in your big oversized t-shirt, covering your entire upper body and stopping right at the thighs, he thought that would be the end of him. Your hair is in a messy bun and you look so cozy and comfortable in your shirt. He’s not sure if you’re wearing something underneath, but it doesn’t look like it, and that alone is making his mind go to places it shouldn’t. 

Does he feel your eyes on him? Of course, he does. 

And it’s making him go crazy.

But he can’t look at you or react, because he’s doing everything in his power to think of other things than you, or else a certain part of him would get very.. excited, and in these gray sweatpants, it will be more visible than normal. 

You finish brushing your teeth before him, and you take a step towards the sink. He’s giving you space by taking a step back, but he shouldn’t have done that. Now he has a complete view of you as you’re bending over to spit in the sink, and your shirt slightly raises, still not giving the impression that you’re wearing something underneath. 

He’s about to stop brushing his teeth so he can go back to his room, not being able to stay here a minute longer, but you’re meeting his eyes through the mirror and you send him a relaxed smile.

“Goodnight.” You say just above a whisper.

“Goodnight.” He replies, and you walk back to your room before he can leave. You didn’t get to do your skincare or brush your hair, you just had to get out of there. 

His body was looking amazing, and afraid of suddenly embarrassing yourself, you had to leave. 

After waiting for a few minutes in your room for him to leave, you finally got the chance to finish your night routine. When you opened your door, you found that the bathroom was unoccupied. So, you tiptoed your way back and completed your routine, brushing your hair, doing your nightly skincare routine, and ensuring that you are completely prepared before returning to your room.

Stepping back into the hallway, you walk past the closed door to Seonghwa’s room, but stop when you hear a certain sound. 

A soft grunt came from the other side of the door, only to be followed by a light moan. Your immediate thought is to walk away, but for some reason, you couldn’t get yourself to move. Seonghwa's voice released another moan, sounding so soft and somehow rough at the same time, and before you knew it, your thoughts were running wild. Without realizing it, you take a step closer to his door to get a better listen.

You shouldn't be doing this. But as another moan escapes from behind the door, your heart races. Seonghwa’s voice sounds so mild and soft as these moans continue on, making you picture what he looks like. 

His gray sweatpants pulled down slightly as he strokes himself. Bare chest and in his bed, eyes closed as he bites his lip to quiet down the sounds. His hair messy, possibly sweat starting to form on his forehead.

Moan.

Shivers all over your body from the picture your mind just created. You know he looks absolutely gorgeous because he always does. But this is making you go crazier than ever before, and a sudden need for him is taking over you.

A creaking from the floor underneath you woke you up from your daydreaming, and a longer pause from the moans filled the air. Panic rises inside of you, so you hurry back to your own room. Closing the door behind you, your heart beats fast against your chest. 

Not-so-innocent thoughts still roam your mind as you get under the sheets. Hopefully, he didn’t hear you outside. If he did, you’ll just say you went to the bathroom. 

But never has this happened before, making you wonder what would’ve happened if he caught you listening. 

Before you know it, you’re in a deep sleep, the last thing you think of is Seonghwa.

***

The texts between you and the waiter have been rather superficial so far, not exactly knowing what to talk about yet. Hopefully, the talk will be smooth when you’re on the actual date.

Another day has gone and you went to the city to spend some time and buy some last Christmas gifts. The entire day was spent walking, and you'll admit that your ankle was starting to hurt. You tried pushing away the pain but ended up driving home.

This resulted in you saying no to having dinner in the city. It was your dad's idea, but even the thought of walking anymore was already hurting your ankle, so you told the others to just enjoy a nice dinner in the city. 

Surprised, Seonghwa didn’t join the rest either. You only overheard him telling them to have a nice evening, and then your parents left, along with Seonghwa’s dad. You knew they’d have a great time, probably going out for drinks after dinner.

Or so you hoped, because it was now 9:30 in the evening, and they were still not home yet. 

You switched the TV channel in the living room. Seonghwa walked in, sat down, and watched in silence.

Of course, you hadn’t mentioned anything about your little meeting in the bathroom last night and what it led to for you. And thankfully, he hadn’t either, so you were able to wake up today with a fresh mind.

“Why didn’t you wanna go out with the others?” You asked, changing to another channel again.

“Didn’t feel like going out tonight..” He shrugged. Neither of you said anything for a few moments, only looking for something interesting to watch. Every channel showed the same kind of low-budget Christmas movies on every channel, except one channel with a weird dating show called ‘Date My Mom’.

“So..” Seonghwa starts saying next to you, a few seconds of silence as you continue changing channels. “You’re gonna have dinner with that waiter?” 

“Yeah.. We’re going out tomorrow,” You respond, not looking at him. Just thinking of it, your heart starts to beat a little faster. The dating scene has always been uncomfortable to you, having gone on some awful dates in the past. “I’m a little nervous, I overthink everything. What to eat, what to wear..” You take a moment to think, considering your choices of clothes. You didn’t pack much fancy clothes, but you did have some options. “Maybe I could wear that red dress from the other night?” You think loud to yourself.

“No.” Seonghwa says.

“No?” Your gaze turns to him. “Why? I thought it was pretty..”

“I guess, but he has already seen that dress on you.” He shrugs, and you guess he has a point. But it is your favorite dress, and you feel confident in it. That makes a question pop into your head.

“Now that we’re at the topic and you're a guy; do guys notice what girls are wearing and remember it? Or do they not care?” You fully don’t care what’s on the TV now, turning your body towards Seonghwa to hopefully get some tips for tomorrow. Plus, you’re also just curious.

“Oh, we notice.” Seonghwa sounds confident in his answer, looking at you with a cocky smile.

“But don’t you just remember it on girls you’re interested in or girls in general?”

“It depends, the same way you do for guys,” He looks back at the screen, but your eyes staring at him, has his head turned to you, looking slightly confused. “What?”

“Have you ever put thought into what I was wearing?” You ask without holding back. Two weeks ago, you wouldn’t have asked Seonghwa this question. But you and Seonghwa have gotten closer on this trip, so you felt like you could ask him without making it weird.

“Maybe.”

He answers like it isn’t a big deal, but your eyes nearly pop out of your skull. 

“Really? What was I wearing?” Your whole body is now turned towards him, curious to know his answer.

“I think we’re gonna end this conversation here. Goodnight.” He stands up from the couch and makes his way to the stairs.

“Seonghwa! Please.”

“No, you’re just gonna rub it in my face. Goodnight!” His back is still turned to you as he reaches the stairs.

“Noo, I promise I won’t!” 

He stops in his tracks, releasing a deep sigh. He looks back at you, looking slightly annoyed. "Goodnight… “ His words are harsh, but when he turns around to walk up the stairs, he takes a moment, before looking back at you again. “The red dress.”

A subtle smirk appears on his lips before he disappears up the stairs, leaving you frozen on the couch. The way his eyes held a hint of something unknown, something hidden, made your heart beat faster than normal.

You don’t realize you’ve been staring at nothing for a few minutes before you decide to head upstairs as well. A shower is necessary, so you head to the bathroom and take a well-deserved shower. Your eyes linger on Seonghwa’s door for a few seconds before walking into the bathroom. The seating area in the shower makes it take a bit longer than normal since you enjoy sitting there a bit too much under the warm water. In your defense, your ankle hurts when you stand up too long.

Finishing up in the shower, you realize that you forgot your night clothes in your room. With a sigh, you dry yourself off and wrap the towel around your body before hurrying into your room. You close your door behind you, and just as you’re about to reach for something to put on, your eyes notice something red lying by itself on the chair. 

A smirk spreads on your lips as your hands reach for your red dress, slowly putting it on. You smile to yourself when you see yourself in nothing but the dress Seonghwa just admitted to think of. Silently walking out of your room, you find yourself in the dimmed-lit hallway. A few knocks on the closed door in front of you have your heart beat a little faster than normally, but the thought of teasing a little is just what you need.

The door opens and Seonghwa comes into the frame, bare chest, and gray sweatpants. The same look as yesterday with the sweatpants hanging dangerously low. Just a second passed after seeing you in the red dress in front of his door, and he was sighing deeply.

“What are you doing?” He asks, annoyed. 

You smile teasingly, looking down at yourself. “I was just trying out clothes for the date, and you’re sure I shouldn’t wear this?” Your hands run down the sides of your waist and to your hips, focusing on the way the dress hugs your body.

“Are you trying to piss me off or do you actually wanna know what I think?” Seonghwa’s eyes flicker down to your hips for a second before going back to your eyes and staying there. Like he won’t let you win this one.

“A little bit of both maybe?” You smirk, and suddenly your eyes lose the fight, slowly sinking down to his chest. Right now, you know you're in deep water. It's a dangerous game you've decided to play, but it's somehow making you want to do this even more.

But realizing that you aren’t being as tough as you imagined you’d be, you look up to see him starting to smirk like he knows what you’re thinking, “I think..” He steps out of his room, slowly approaching you until you’re pressed up against the wall behind you. “You’re playing a game with me. But it’s not working, Red dress. Go to bed.” Seonghwa then turns around, but without thinking, you grab his arm and pull him back. He rolls his eyes, sounding annoyed. “What do you want me to say? That I think you’re attractive?” 

“Do you?”

The question throws him off for a second, but he fights the tug on his lips at your bravery. You’re never this pushy, it’s always him “flirting” in the most unhinged way, so this is a thrill to see.

“You’re a menace.”

“Do you?” You try again.

Seonghwa spends a few seconds with flickering eyes, trying to read your gaze and contemplating what to say. Choosing not to give you the satisfaction, he releases himself from your soft grip. “Goodnight.” He says with a soft voice before turning around to walk away.

“Are you scared?” You challenge.

His body stops, muscles on the back tensing. “You really are trying to piss me off,” He says as he turns around, quickly moving closer to you. You suck in a harsh breath, backing up against the wall when he’s suddenly back in front of you.

“I think that your body looks amazing in that dress,” He starts, eyes looking down on your body. His voice is just above a whisper as he leans in. “The color matches your hair perfectly, the cut on the front, the back showing just enough skin..” His fingers trace your waist and mixed with the way his low voice describes the dress on you, you feel the goosebumps all over your skin. He seems to notice your reaction because a scoff leaves his lips, but he doesn’t stop tracing his fingers on the fabric. “Honestly speaking, if I were the man who was to date you while you are wearing this dress, I’d have a time figuring out whether I would rather rip it off you or fuck you in it,”

You completely stop breathing at this point. This is not like the other times he has said some shit like this. He means it.

Seonghwa leans further towards you, and you feel his lips slightly grace your ear. “But I’m not that man, so it doesn’t matter,” He whispers before leaning back, looking into your eyes. “There, I said it. Happy now?” 

Not knowing what to do or say, you just look into his dark eyes. You thought you had this when you knocked on his door, but he has you completely wrapped around his finger. A smirk spreads on his lips, and you feel his finger under your chin, tilting your head upwards. The expression of lust is so evident in his eyes.

“Are you scared?” He challenges, leaning in, but he doesn't kiss you. You feel his breath, you can almost feel how it is to kiss him, but he doesn’t do it. He’s playing with you. He’s doing what the two of you do best, and he wants you to take it to the next step.

And that you do.

Fed up with the teasing, you lean in and crash your lips against his. Like you’ve both been longing for each other, you wrap your arms around the other to get as close as possible. Seonghwa’s tongue slips in between your lips, and you let him have you as much as you suddenly crave him.

A subtle moan comes from Seonghwa, and you’re reminded of overhearing his moans. Getting even more turned on, you take one of his hands that is wrapped around your waist and guide it to your hips, silently telling him that you want this. 

The way your body fits perfectly in his hands leaves you even more thirsty for him. 

You feel his hand slide down to your thigh, slow fingers tracing your skin before you feel his touch at your heat.

The kiss breaks and Seonghwa looks down at you with a tiny crease in the middle of his forehead. “You’re not wearing any underwear.. You wanted this to happen?” 

“Maybe.” You whisper, not knowing if you should feel confident or slightly embarrassed. But you know Seonghwa is into it when he smiles and you feel one of his fingers run between your folds. 

“You’re such a little slut, I’m gonna have to take care of you.” He starts using two of his fingers to stimulate your clit, the feeling being absolutely addicting. You don’t know if it’s the feeling of doing something in the middle of the hallway or the fact that it’s Seonghwa who is fingering you, but the pleasure is out of this world. You’re already wet, and Seonghwa notices, so he uses the opportunity to slide two of his slender fingers into you and a muffled moan escapes your mouth. A smirk reaches his lips. “The house is empty, moan all you want, baby.”

His fingers are long, and you can’t help but clench around them. You feel him curl his fingers inside of you, hitting a spot you didn’t know felt so good. Throwing your head back in an attempt to keep yourself from going insane, Seonghwa takes the opportunity to kiss your neck. Another moan escapes your lips as you feel his fingers work in and out of you at a faster pace. His other hand keeps a grip on your waist, holding you steady. 

Every thought is lost in your brain as Seonghwa angles his fingers and makes sure to be knuckles deep into you. Him being the tease he is, he slows down the pace when you start feeling your orgasm build up in your stomach, resulting in you starting to ride his fingers yourself. You're earned with a smile from Seonghwa, as your arms wrap around him to keep you steady.

“That's it, ride my fingers, you're doing so good.” He compliments. The way his low voice speaks makes you clench around his fingers again and the orgasm slowly starts forming in your stomach again. “Gonna cum already? You like having my fingers fuck you?” 

“Y-Yes.” You manage to get out, but the orgasm approaches fast, faster than you’ve ever tried before. “Fuck, Seonghwa, I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum for me, baby.” He whispers and fastens the pace again. In a second, you’re doing everything you can to keep yourself on your legs as your orgasm approaches. The sounds of Seonghwa’s fingers in your pussy are echoing through the hallway, followed by your loud moans. His name slips out between your lips and a smile tugs on his lips. “That’s it, say my name.”

His eyes are studying your face as you ride your orgasm, not missing a glimpse of this moment. You meet his eyes, and he leans in to press his lips against yours. You then realize how much you missed his lips on yours already, and you feel him pull out his fingers to focus on the kiss. Tongues fighting for dominance, you’re both hungry for each other. 

“What should I do with you?” Seonghwa asks as he pulls back for a second.

You’re quick to answer. “Fuck me.” 

“My room or yours?” 

“I don’t care.”

Seonghwa is definitely taking the lead and guides you into your bedroom. Your brain is nothing but Seonghwa, so you couldn't care less which bed you end up in. Your lips are on his again as he moves you both to your bed. Suddenly feeling something behind your thighs, you feel Seonghwa push you back, landing on the bed, before crawling on top of you. 

His hands are all over your body, trying to touch every inch, when a groan escapes from the back of his throat. “You know what? Fuck this dress, take it off.” Seonghwa then helps you up on your knees so you can get out of the dress, pulling it over your head. Seeing you completely naked in front of him, his smile only grows as he sees how stunning you look. 

Feeling overwhelmed, he grabs your face to kiss you as he stands next to the bed, you on your knees on the mattress. His bare skin under your fingers is driving you crazy, so as your tongue moves with his, you can't help but play with the elastic band around his waist, holding up the sweatpants. A growing bulge is making its appearance under the fabric. The thought of seeing every part of his body is making you feral, and he senses your neediness because he pulls back and looks down at your hands playing with the rim of his sweatpants.

“I guess, technically, you still owe me telling you what to do for a day, because of our little bet and I wanna hear how fucking stupid you sound gagging on my dick. Can you do that?” 

Seonghwa knows exactly what to say, because something switches inside of you, and you can’t wait to taste him. Feel him and have him all to yourself. 

You nod and lower yourself to pull down his sweatpants along with his boxers. The sight of his cock is absolutely astonishing. It’s way bigger than you thought, and the veins running up and down make it look so pretty. Feeling excited to make Seonghwa feel as good as he made you feel, you lean down and start tracing your tongue on his shaft. Starting from the bottom, tongue flat against his cock you lick all the way to the head where pre-cum is glistening, earning a moan from Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa’s eyes don't leave you for a second, but he grows slightly impatient when you decide to tease a little. The tip of your tongue traces along the veins of his hard cock, not ever taking him fully into your mouth. Looking up into his eyes as you do so, you see him growing more and more frustrated, his breath getting more and more uneven. Suddenly, his hand grabs your hair and yanks it down so you’re forced to look into his eyes. He bends down so your faces are close, having a look in his eyes you haven’t seen before, but it turns you on even more. 

“One more tease and I will pin you down and pump you full of cum, understood?” He speaks just above a whisper, and the thought of him doing this to you tempts you to continue teasing him, but a part of you wants to hear him praise you. To say how good you are for him, so you put him in your mouth and start moving your head. He’s stretching your mouth because of how wide he is, but you’re determined to try and have all of him in your mouth. 

“Mmm, good girl. Just like that.” Seonghwa praise makes you go faster, using your hands too. But wanting to see how much of him you can fit, you try to take all of him in your throat. Seonghwa’s hands are in your hair, carefully guiding you. The taste of pre-cum runs down your throat, and you feel your nose hit his pubic area, taking all of him in your mouth. You feel tears stinging in your eyes, and suddenly a gagging sound comes from your throat. Seonghwa pulls back, leaving strings of a mix between spit and precum between you and his cock. Finally being able to breathe properly, you gasp for air and a scoff leaves Seonghwa. “Aww, is it too much for you?”

He almost sounds like he’s mocking you, but you shake your head.

“N-No..” Your throat hurts a bit as you speak.

“You sound so cute,” He caresses his thumb on your cheek, babying you like you didn’t just choke on his cock. “Now tell me.. How bad do you wanna do this?” He pulls you up on your knees so you’re face to face, his hands steadying you. One of his hands goes under your chin, thumb running over your lips to smear out his precum on your lips.

“So bad, Seonghwa. I want this.” And you do. You’ve never felt so hungry for someone.

“That’s it. Now be a good girl and sit on my dick,” 

It takes no time for you both to get onto the bed, Seonghwa lying down with you sitting on top of him. He strokes his cock a few times before lining it up at your entrance, teasing you.

“You think you can take this cock?” He asks, looking deeply into your eyes. You want to scoff, knowing it’s probably gonna be the biggest size you’ve ever had in you, but you won’t feed his ego with that information.

“Please, don’t think too highly of - ah!” Your sentence is interrupted by Seonghwa pushing his cock inside of you, slowly stretching you out. 

“Sorry, what were you saying? I didn’t get that,” He teases, pushing you down so you’re taking him all inside of you. You can’t even think straight, the only thing in your brain is the feeling of him. “Isn’t it nice? Feeling so full?”

“Mh-hm.” You nod as you bite your lip, finally sitting down fully on top of him. He hits the right spot inside of you immediately, but he doesn’t move yet.

“Do you have any idea of how bad I’ve wanted this? Ever since the dinner night when you wore that fucking dress, I’ve wanted to fuck the shit out of you.” His hands run down your thighs, eyes taking in how you look on top of him. “I had to touch myself to the thought of you, but you already know that, don’t you? You’ve been listening on the other side of the door.” He smiles, and you meet his eyes. You’re too focused on his huge size that you can’t even find the ability to be embarrassed. 

You try to move up so he can start going in and out of you, but his hands hold you down, keeping you from getting any friction. 

“Seonghwa, please..”

“Please what?” He teases.

“Don’t tease me, please. Just move.” You beg, but he doesn’t look satisfied. ‘You can do better than that’ his expression says. An unsatisfied groan leaves you. “Please just fuck me. Fuck me and make me cum, please.”

A smile creeps up on his lips. “There you go, baby,” 

Without warning, he switches you both around so he’s on top, angled between your legs. A deep thrust surprises you, making you gasp.

“Oh my god.” You moan, fingers gripping onto the sheets under you. Seonghwa continues to thrust deep into you, slowly increasing the speed. He sits up, angled so he gets a perfect view of his cock going in and out of your cunt.

“You can take it, can’t you? Like a good slut?” His hands grab your waist, now going at a fast pace. It’s hard to get any words out, your brain is completely shut off, but you manage to say a few words still.

“Yes, I know I can. Just for you.” You say, words barely pronounced right. This takes Seonghwa into a new world, leaning down to kiss your neck. Hands finding yours, he merges his fingers with yours as he starts whispering in your ear.

“That’s right, tell me what a slut you are. Tell me how fucking badly you need me to fuck you. Tell me every sick and twisted thing you want me to do to you.” He ordered, still going at a fast pace. His lips find your neck again, leaving kisses all over you.

“Fuck me. You can do anything you want with me. I’m yours and you can use me whenever you-” You don’t get to finish the sentence before another loud moan fights its way out of your mouth. You’re sure his name came out of your mouth too at some point, but right now, you don’t know. You don’t have any control over your body, you’re completely in Seonghwa’s control.

“Fuck, I love hearing you scream for me,” Seonghwa says in your ear, using one of his hands to hold your legs open for him as he continues to thrust. A smile tugs on his lips as you moan again. “You think your little waiter can make you feel so good?”

“No, only you can.” You don’t even have to think twice. You’re sure no one can make you feel this good besides Seonghwa.

“That’s right, let’s make sure you won’t forget that,” Seonghwa suddenly pulls out and sits up. He turns you around so you’re on your stomach, and you feel him positioning himself at your entrance again. Your legs are locked under him as he enters you again fully before hovering over you, back against his front as he fucks you into the mattress. His hands push you down, forcing you to just take him as you lie on the bed.

“Shit.. I wish you could see how fucking amazing you look with my cock in you. You’re so pretty.” He leans down to press multiple kisses on your shoulders, his fingers finding yours again to intertwine them. He hits your sweet spot with every thrust, and quickly you feel your second orgasm form in your stomach.

“Seonghwa, I-I’m gonna cum.” You say, head against the mattress. This only makes him go faster and deeper.

“Cum for me again, I know you can do it.” He says, and not a second passes before your legs are shaking and you clench around his cock. This makes Seonghwa moan loud too, feeling his orgasm approach at a fast pace.

“I gotta cum, baby.” He warns, fucking you fast and deep as he pounds you through your orgasm. 

“Cum in me, please.” You moan, wanting him to release inside of you. You’re still in the middle of your orgasm when Seonghwa thrusts a last time before spilling his load inside of you. His moans are prettier than you could’ve ever imagined, way better than what you overheard, and you feel his warm cum spread inside of you, leaking out while he’s still inside.

“Fuck.. Shit, you feel so good.” He thrusts a few more times, wanting as much as possible to fill your hole, before losing the strength in his arms and relaxing on top of you. 

You feel his heart beating fast against your back, both of your bodies sticky from the sweat. Deep and fast breaths are the only things heard in the room, both of you trying to get back to your normal breathing. You feel his hand run through your hair as soft kisses are placed on your shoulders. Without realizing, feeling a million emotions all at once, you can’t help but smile. He’s still inside of you, but you like it. This closeness, the amount of kisses he’s showering you with. It’s something you never expected to happen, but it has never felt better.

“Are you okay?” He asks caringly, removing some of your hair so he can see the side of your face. 

You nod, getting back to your normal breathing.

“I think I need a new shower. I’m all sweaty.” You admit, feeling him remove himself from you. He places a last kiss on your temple before pulling out of you.

“That makes two of us.” He says before getting out of bed. You’re about to get up, but Seonghwa catches you by surprise and takes you up in his arms. He carries you to the bathroom in bridal style (not something new for you) and carefully, he places you on the bench in the huge shower. Your legs are weak after the intense session you two shared, so you’re thankful for him carrying you. He’s out of the bathroom a second later, leaving you confused, but he’s back a moment after with his sweatpants and some clothes for you. 

Your eyes follow him as he’s in his own world, turning on the water.

“What are you doing?” You ask from your seat.

“You usually take up all the hot water. Let's share it this time,” Seonghwa holds out his hand for you to take. His eyes have a warmth in them, something so full of care that you couldn’t ever say no to this. You grab his hand and stand up, moving closer to him. 

The shower is big enough for both of you, but you don’t move around much, only watching as Seonghwa adjusts the water to the right temperature and takes the loofah in his hands. He turns you around so your back is facing him, and you feel him start washing your body.

“You want your hair washed too?” He asks, his voice incredibly soft-spoken. 

“No, just my body.” You smile, not knowing what to do. He doesn’t respond, just continues to use the loofah on your body to clean you. His front is against your back, but not once is there any hint of something sexual in the shower. Seonghwa doesn’t lead up to anything, only kisses your shoulder once in a while as his arms wrap around you to wash your front. You have sensed his caring side a few times on this trip, but this is a whole new level. You had no idea that Seonghwa could be this soft, especially with you. 

The warm water washes over you, rinsing off the soap. You feel clean again and turn around to face him.

“Thank you.” You smile, and he leans in to kiss you softly on the lips. 

“You’re welcome.” He smiles and washes himself too. He’s quick to finish, and you both walk out of the shower. The same thing happens when you have to dry yourself - Seonghwa does basically the entire thing, using a big towel to dry your body. He helps you in your underwear and in your sleeping t-shirt (except you notice it smells extremely like him, only to realize he grabbed one of his shirts for you to sleep in). He puts it over your head and smiles satisfied when you’re done.

“There we go, good as new.” He says and puts on his boxers and sweatpants.

“Why are you doing this?” You ask, not able to stop yourself. You were genuinely curious where all of this came from, so it wasn’t because you didn’t want him to. You had just never expected it.

“Doing what?” 

“This..” Your arms point between you, to the shower, and around you. He takes a step closer to you and pushes some of your hair away from your face and behind your ear. 

“Because we just had rough sex and I want to take care of you after,” He shrugs. You stare up at him, making him smile before he leans down to kiss you softly on the lips. It feels different than the other kisses like this one is full of something new. He pulls back, and you realize you miss his lips on yours already. “Also.. I think we both know that this was more than just a casual hookup.”

His voice is low like he’s scared that someone might hear, despite the two of you being the only ones home. But the words leave you with a million questions, but nowhere to start. Because before you realize what he said, he takes your hand and pulls you back into your bedroom. He’s in complete control of you, for some reason, your mind doesn’t work properly with him around you. 

“C’mere.” He says, opening his arms when you both get in bed. Doing as he says, you get into his embrace, and he closes his arms around you. You feel his arm wrap around your waist as he pulls you closer to him, your back against his front. A kiss is placed on your temple as you just lie in the arms of the man you’ve fought with for most of your life, falling into a deep sleep.

***

You wake up to a bright room and stretch in your bed. As you look around, you realize that there is more space than you thought. Turning to your side, you find the bed empty and sit up, scanning the room for Seonghwa, but he is nowhere to be found.

Did he go back to his own room after you fell asleep?

A little confused, you get out of bed and walk to open the door and hear something downstairs. Someone is talking, and you immediately recognize your mom’s voice along with Seonghwa’s. You make your way to the kitchen downstairs, seeing your mom cleaning while Seonghwa is eating some cereal by the kitchen island. His back is turned to you, but you can tell he’s laughing at something your mom said.

“Good morning, honey!” Your mom says as she sees you enter the kitchen, and you make your way around it so you’re on the opposite side of Seonghwa. Trying not to make your mom feel any tension between you and Seonghwa, you casually sit down and grab a bowl and a spoon. You can’t help but look across the kitchen island to see Seonghwa smile at you, eyes lighting up. He bites his smile and tries to hide the tension too, not wanting your mom to know what happened between you two last night. “Slept well?” Your mom asks. 

“Uhm, yeah. Very well.” You clear your throat and look up at Seonghwa again. He’s smirking to himself, looking down at his bowl of cereal. He’s wearing one of his white T-shirts now, similar to the one you’re wearing at the moment. It’s not like your families can’t know that you and Seonghwa might start seeing each other. But there’s no reason for them to know what the two of you did while the rest were out to dinner last night.

“So, are you ready for your date later?” Your mom asks, making both you and Seonghwa freeze. His smile is gone, eyes looking up at you with curiosity and… worry?

Your eyes flicker for a moment, as you had completely forgotten about your date with the waiter tonight. But after what happened last night, you’re not sure about this date. Especially not when a certain someone is sitting across from you, messy morning hair and sweatpants, yet you don’t think you’ve ever been more attracted to someone.

“Uhm..” You look at Seonghwa a last time before looking at your mom. “I don’t think I’ll go on a date with him, Mom.” 

“Aww, how come?” She asks, curiosity evident in her voice.

“It won’t work out..” You say, not being able to tell her the entire truth. But the eyes you feel staring at you from across the kitchen island keep you from staying quiet. “Besides, I think I might like someone else.”

Seonghwa’s eyes look away from you, as he takes his empty bowl and starts cleaning it in the sink. You can’t see his face, but for a split second when he turned his face to the side, you saw him fighting back a smile.

“Really? Who?” Your mom's words wake you up from staring at Seonghwa, and you look back at her. 

“I’ll tell you later on, it’s still pretty new and I have to figure out if he even likes me too.” You shrug, not even knowing what to say about your situation with Seonghwa. You’ve known each other your entire lives, not once have there been a hint of something romantic between you two. Not until this trip. But you would lie if you said that the things he has done for you on this trip didn’t wake up something in you. Something you didn’t know was there but was waiting to be woken up. 

“Well, I hope it’s gonna work out for you, honey.” A smile tugs on your mother’s lips as he kisses the top of your head. She walks out of the kitchen, and just as her figure is out of sight, you feel a pair of lips kiss your cheek and arms wrap around you from behind. 

You hold back your giggle as Seonghwa showers you with kisses but stops to look into your eyes.

“Good morning.” He smiles, still having his arms around you. 

“Good morning.” You smile.

“So.. You’re really not gonna go on a date with him?” His voice is low, careful not to let everyone know what you’re talking about. You shake your head.

“Nah.. I figured I’d rather put my attention on someone else.” Your words turn on the light in Seonghwa’s eyes. 

“Can I take you out when we get home, then?” He suggests, but you’re not done teasing him. Despite you and him possibly starting to date, you’ve still lived your entire life teasing each other. That’s not something you’re gonna stop doing, just because you’re dating.

“What makes you think I wanna date you?” You scoff and roll your eyes, looking down at your bowl of cereal. You feel his grip around you loosen as he reads your face. If only you knew what he was going to tease you back with when he leaned close to your ear.

“‘Seonghwa, fuck, oh Seonghwa.’” He imitates your words from last night, and you quickly push him away, a laugh escaping his lips.

“Stop! Don’t!” You say, not being able to hold back your own laugh from hearing his. He walked back closer to you, a teasing look on his face.

“Isn’t that how you sounded screaming my name last night?” He asked, eyebrow raised in a questioning manner.

“Alright! Alright alright alright,” You shake your head, wanting to move on from how you sounded last night. “You’re unhinged, you know that?”

“I’m just proving a point.” He shrugs.

“The point being what?”

“That you shouldn’t date anyone but me.” He smiles satisfied, like it’s common knowledge. A while ago, you would’ve laughed in his face if he said that to you, but now, it only makes the butterflies go crazy in your entire body. But of course, he can’t know (yet) how weak in the knees he’s making you, so you only respond with a casual answer.

“Fine, I guess.”

“Oh, I have a better idea,” His arms find their way around you again as you look up at him from your stool. “How about we go on a date here, and we’ll go out to eat in the restaurant where that waiter is working and he can see that we’re-”

“Nooo, no, no, we’re not doing that.” You stop him.

“Why?” He sounds genuinely confused.

“Because that’s gonna make everyone besides you uncomfortable, and you’re not gonna be dragging that poor man to the ground, again. He hasn’t done anything wrong, you know.” You defended, not wanting to stir any kind of drama. You just had to text the waiter that there wouldn’t be a date, but you’re thankful for the opportunity. But knowing Seonghwa, you’re not surprised by him coming up with this idea. You’re also earned with Seonghwa rolling his eyes at you.

“Boring, but fine. Is this how our relationship starts? With you telling me what not to do?” He asks, of course, a teasing smile apparent on his lips. 

“When you’re being a menace, yes. And I might tell you what not to do, but if we do what we did last night.. Isn’t that a pretty good deal?” You suggest, watching as Seonghwa smiles even more while he holds you closer.

“Baby, you can tell me what to do and what not to do for the rest of our lives, if we can do what we did last night.” He leans closer, his lips barely touching yours. "I'd happily be your servant for the rest of time if you promise to stay with me."

“Sounds like a plan.” You smile satisfied.

“Can’t wait.” He finally presses his lips against yours, making the fireworks in your body go crazy. Your mind goes blank again, falling into the deep hole of Seonghwa, wishing to stay there forever. 

Taglist:

@canigotosleep--plz @miyajack @uyumilk @hhoneylix @staytiny816 @skzscb @yeologist @likexaxdaydream @yunsara @hrtniki @dazzlingstarrs @mingiturnip @vannabanana1995 @xoxominghxe @stfu-rina   

(I only have a main taglist, lmk if you wanna be added <3)

[sweetinsaniiity]

Makeshift Chemistry

► 𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 - obsessive!mafia!Seonghwa x fem!reader◄ ► 𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎/𝙰𝚄 - mafia au, yandere trope, power imbalance, suspense, thriller, crime, Seonghwa is extremely !obsessed and !possessive, dark romance, depictions of Seonghwa's slow descend to madness, so he's kinda !psychotic, true insanity (like, I made him pretty mentally deranged here), kidnapping, imprisonment, escape from captivity, toxic form of love, emotional and mental torment, restraint (via handcuffs), forced love, angst, plot twist (stay away from the comments to avoid spoilers!) ◄ ► 𝚁𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐/𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 - PG-18+ so MDNI!!!, murder and extreme violence (semi-graphic) but not towards reader, drugged (non-graphic), consensual-hate sex, dom!Hwa, but whiny!Hwa, mommy kink, hard-fast-rough, standing sex, handjob, degradation, gunplay, fear play, oral, cum eating, missionary, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, forced orgasms (on Seonghwa's end), multiple creampies, baby trapping implications, no protection (DO NOT DO THIS!!!!), just super kinky lol◄ ► 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 - 28.7K words (this had to be this long sorry) ◄ ► 𝚂𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜 - You loved Park Seonghwa, until you found out that he was a Mafia Lord, and you didn't want to get involved, so you left him. But Seonghwa wasn't going to let you go that easily, because his unhealthy obsession with you knew no bounds. Soon enough, this obsession is marked by violence and manipulation when he kidnaps and imprisons you just so you could love him back. You barely escape with your life, but what about the feelings in your heart that were trapping you? How were you supposed to love Seonghwa when he’s slowly losing his mind and sanity in the guise of loving you too much? ◄ ► 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 - PLEASE READ AT YOUR DISCRETION. There will be extreme instances of how mental instability affects love, and Y/N isn't clean. Do not read if you're uncomfortable, it's not mandatory even if you enjoy my work. Prioritize your mental stability, and I'll see you in my next work. If you do choose to read it, enjoy! Fic inspired by Chappell Roan's Coffee.◄ ► 𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 - @0rangemilk @ginger-mingi @ruubyrubes @oddracha @jaytheatiny @roxannecos @juicy-red @cheolliehugs @sunnysidesins @jjongbearshoney @midnightrebel1028 @xomakara @lovetaroandtaemin◄

‘Coffee?' -Park Seonghwa

You bit your lip apprehensively, the phone in your hands almost slipping with how lax your grip on it had become. What was once your lifeline to the world - the window to what was beyond your walls - was now the bane of your existence.

A loud shrill cuts you off of your thoughts. The phone was now ringing. You practically jumped out of your skin at the sound, and in a panic, you unwittingly pressed the red button.

"Fuck," you hissed, not fully intending to reject the call. Well, not entirely, anyway. You didn't mean to immediately do it, your nerves always failed you at the last minute. 

You were back to biting your bottom lip, but this time, you bit on them with twice the anxiety and twice the strength since they were actively bleeding out in between your teeth. You jumped out once more when your phone dinged.

‘Do not ignore me. Get dressed. We’re getting coffee.’ -Park Seonghwa

Ignoring his incessant calls and messages shouldn't have been this difficult and stressful. You could feel your sanity slowly slipping away from you every single time you'd leave another text from Seonghwa unanswered.

This prick, you thought, gritting your teeth so hard, the grating sound of it made your head hurt. You haphazardly threw your phone on your desk, not caring if it gets smashed or not. It would be better if it did, honestly. That way, you’d have no contact with him left, and his control over you would vanish. 

And in that way, you wouldn’t be tempted to see him over and over again. 

It wasn’t a fault of his own sometimes. There was always this urge in you to see how he was, what he’s doing, and if he was the same man you left a couple of months ago. 

You bit your lip, looking down on your outfit. It was a simple white button-up shirt, some jeans, and a pair of heels. It wasn’t a choice of yours, either; Seonghwa loved elegance. He would make you change, anyway, and waste your time. 

You’ll meet up with him one more time, and tell him that it would be the last time. You’ll meet up with him one more time, and tell yourself that it would be the last time. 

The cafe was empty when you got there, unsurprisingly. You scoffed as you sat down, it was such a Seonghwa thing to do. A barista even escorted you to your seat, it was slightly embarrassing. This was a cafe, for God’s sake, not a fine dining restaurant. You shook your head as you knew this was one of his games. He loved seeing you embarrass yourself, especially since he was the one embarrassing you because even in that aspect, he wanted control over you. 

God forbid someone else did it for you, however. They’d be dead by deadlight. You swallowed those thoughts away, they weren’t metaphorical at all. 

Seconds passed by, minutes ticked by, and almost an hour into arriving, Seonghwa still hadn’t shown himself. You gave the poor barista a nervous smile of your own, but inside, you were seething. You tentatively looked outside from the glass walls, you knew he was here. You could feel it. 

And yet, he was nowhere to be seen at the same time. You began to feel uncomfortable, tugging at your collar, playing with your nails, sighing every five minutes, the likes. But the worst part of it was that you knew he was enjoying this. He got off on your discomfort.

You wouldn’t be surprised if he was hiding in plain sight, his eyes never leaving yours as he savoured all the most miniscule of your expressions that told him exactly what you were thinking without him even opening his mouth to ask you. 

Just as you were about to stand up and leave, the door opened, a light trinkle resounding from the charm attached on top of it to signify someone’s entrance. He did this all the time - reel you back in when you’re about to pull away. You hated it, mostly because you let him treat you like this. 

Two men entered first, both of which you are very familiar with. They greeted you with a subtle nod of their head, avoiding eye contact, before choosing to sit in the farthest part of the quaint café. 

And there he was in all his majestic glory. His strides were sure, eyes trained on you like a hawk, pausing to tilt his head at you as if he was examining you, but you knew better - he was challenging you to move. 

That was how Park Seonghwa - he demanded attention. The way he would swallow the entire room with just his shadow, alone, never failed to stun you into silence. He was a siren’s song, beckoning anyone around him to look and listen with just one word from his mouth. Hell, most of the time, he didn’t even have to say anything. 

But the siren’s song was just that; a siren. A subtle smirk graces upon his lips, and the next thing you knew, he was making his way to you. You watched his hands pull the chair in front of you, those sinful hands once held you, bought you comfort as they caressed you. Now, all they did was strangle you into suffocating, squeezing your soul, stealing your essence drop by drop. 

“I don’t think meeting out here is wise, Mr. Park,” you said, cutting straight to the point. It was more so for yourself, the longer you stayed with him, the weaker your resolve gets. 

You refused to break eye contact with him, and perhaps, that was the worst part of all of this. He was still breathtaking. That face once made you kneel, and it still can. 

“Seonghwa, my love,” he corrected, tutting at you like he was endearingly scolding you. It made you sick. “You know my name, why won’t you say it?”

You bit your lip as you weighed your options down. There was always that choice to disobey him, it wasn’t difficult, but the mafia lord had never made anything easy for you. “I don’t think meeting out here is wise, Seonghwa.”

You watched as his bottom lip quivered, the way he attempted to hold his grin was nothing new to you. He loved it when you played his little games, he was more than pleased with it. Seonghwa raised his hand, snapping it to signal the nervous barista who was just waiting. 

“Nothing has ever been wiser,” he replied, staring the barista down as they shakily placed Seonghwa’s coffee in front of him as well as yours, except that you got a strawberry shortcake on the side, your favourite. 

You didn’t have any appetite, and he knew it, you never did every time you went out to meet him, yet he didn’t care. You mustered up the courage to ask him, anyway. “What is it that you want, Seonghwa?”

He watched you push your plate away with a small frown on his lips. “Why aren’t you wearing the ring I gave you?” Seonghwa questioned, ignoring yours. 

“Why should I? I’m not yours,” you took a deep breath, whispering your next words. “Not anymore, at least.”

“Nonsense,” he brushed off, pausing to take a sip from his cup before looking you dead in the eye. “You were always mine. You just don’t want to accept it.”

Indeed, he was a siren. He never stopped until the words he sang rang true even though you both knew it wasn’t the case. Seonghwa was once your siren, and now you regret ever being enthralled by his songs.

“I want to see you wearing it the next time we go out,” he declared, referring to the ring. He paused, a thought crossing his mind. “Do you not like it, though? Is that why? Would you like me to get another one?”

You tried not to flinch when he held your hand, lifting it to give it a small kiss. It burned, yet you couldn’t pull away. “Such delicate fingers,” he chuckled. “No jewelry can compare to its beauty, my dove.”

“Seonghwa,” you sighed tiredly, pulling away. His words still affect you, it was hard not to let them get to you, but it has to stop.

“It’s fine,” he interjected. He poked his tongue on his inner cheek, displeased at how averse you were to his touch.  “No spherical metal will bind you to me. We both know you’re mine, anyway.”

You sighed once more, this time, with a tremble. “There will be no next time,” you mumbled, clearing your throat from the nerves clogging it. “I came here to tell you that I-I can’t do this anymore with you, we have to stop meeting so we could both move on…”

It was the most difficult thing you had to say, minus when you told him you were leaving him, but you had to for your own sake. He didn’t say anything, his face had no emotion, except for his twitching left eye. You gulped, that was not a good sign. He did not like that at all. 

No words were said for a while. You almost broke down and took it back, but no, it was better to end this now than suffer the consequences later, because you might not end up leaving him at all. 

“It’s funny,” he began, voice leveled and calm. They were too calm. “Most people give out everything and anything just to have a five minute conversation with me.”

He took another sip of coffee, his long tongue darting out from his mouth slowly swiping his upper teeth as he looked on. “But you,” he continued. “You push me away when I make a point to crawl down to you unlike the others who have to climb up to me. You are a tough nut to crack, Y/N.”

You gripped the table in front of you, your knuckles pale and white. Anger rolled off of him like waves and for a second, you were terrified that he was going to explode on the spot. The way he uttered your name was a threat in itself.  He sets the cup down without a sound, letting out a small chuckle. 

“You’re hungry, aren’t you?” Seonghwa asked softly, all traces of anger gone from his tone. “Here, dove.”

You shut your eyes tight. His change in attitude scared you out of anything he has ever done, and Seonghwa was a violent man. Not towards you, never towards you, but he was a destructive person to be with. He was a psychopath. 

“I-I don’t want to eat, I’m good,” you squeaked, shaking your head when he took a piece of the cake and tried to push the fork into your mouth to feed you. 

“Come on, doveling, eat this. It’s very yummy,” he gently coaxed, pushing the fork slightly until it was touching your lips. “Say ah, baby, I’ll feed you,” he smiled.

It was a sweet gesture, and if the situation was different, you would’ve cooed at how cute Seonghwa looked. In your peripheral vision, even his bodyguards looked appalled at their mafia lord’s gesture. Seonghwa ruled everything, he owned this city, and everybody licked the soles of his shoes and worshiped the ground he walked on. 

But here he was, feeding you with cake. 

You turned your head again like a petulant child, refusing to eat anything that came from his hands. “I really don’t want to.”

He frowned. You watched as his hand started to shake, but you knew it wasn’t because he was tired of holding the fork up. “One bite? I know you’ll like it.”

“No, please—-“

“Open your fucking mouth.”

There it was. The way he demanded was anything but, his eyes were half-lidded with malice, the monotonous tone in which he spoke terrifying you more than if he raised his voice or grabbed your hair to force the cake down on your throat. His despondent stare penetrated through you, combusting your insides on the spot with how fiery it was. He was angry, you made him angry. Seonghwa cannot be angry. 

You gulped, parting your lips slightly. It was all it took for him to forcefully part them with the fork and roughly shoved the cake in your mouth. You choked when the tip of the fork almost hit the back of your throat, coughing a bit before you decided to swallow. Tears collected on the sides of your eyes, but you forced yourself to smile and nod at him. 

“You’re right,” you coughed again. “I-It’s yummy.”

His arm retracted, his eyes not once leaving your trembling form. “One more,” he ordered, tone clipped. It had a veil of threat looming over the words as they left his tongue.

You flinched when he cut another piece, the clank of the fork when it hit the plate, echoing in your head. It was reminiscent of what you hear in your head before  Seonghwa’s patience snapped. He was a time-bomb; you never knew what made him tick, but you knew that he was destined to explode somehow. 

He grabbed a napkin then wiped the sides of your lips. “You should be more careful, dove,” he chided, voice lowered, clouded with sinister intent. “Wouldn’t want you messy now, would we?”

You quickly shook your head in response. “That’s a good girl,” he smiled, his words kind and gentle as if nothing had happened, but you knew better. He lies through his teeth. 

If you didn’t love him, it would have been fine. 

The sigh that escaped his deceitful lips was long and slow as if his brain needed to process what just happened. The screeching sound of his chair hit your ears, and he was sitting beside you before you knew it. 

“I sincerely apologize, doveling,” he whispered, his voice breaking and cracking halfway. He lifted a hand to touch you, only for the same hand to fall back down neatly on his lap. “I-I just missed you a lot.”

You felt your heart split in half inside your chest, you didn’t want him anymore, but it didn’t mean you liked seeing him like this. However, deep in your gut, you knew that something was inherently wrong. You just didn’t know what. 

“Think about what I said, please,” you appealed, scooting your behind away from him to create a gap between the two of you.  For a split second, his lip twitches.

He looks up at you, hurt coating his entire features. “I implore you to think about it. I don’t want to completely lose you,” he pleaded. He jutted his lips out, doing everything he can for you to look at him with pity. 

You were weak. You were a weak, weak person. Seonghwa pulled you to him, enveloping his arms all over your form as your chin laid on top of his shoulder to hug him back. To your left, was the glass panel that separated the cafe from the outside. It reflected both you and Seonghwa’s embrace. 

The hug looked serene, intimate, to the unassuming eye. Your heart dropped to your feet as you watched Seonghwa’s expression morph from loving, apologetic, and sincere, to something that can only be described as demonic and corrupted. His eyes grew wide with madness, rolling at the back of his head as he tried not to crush in his arms then and there, his lips stretched towards his ears like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

“Are you going to force me to forgive you?” You asked,  tears falling from your eyes before you could stop them. “Are you going to take me?”

He smirked, still looking forward, not knowing that you could see his expressions. “No, well, I could,” he whispered, biting his bottom lip to stop himself from cackling out loud at your stupidity. “But I won’t.”

You were a fool to believe that he would actually be sincere for once. This was his true colour. “You know me well enough where you know what my answer would be, and it’s no.”

It was terrifying how his expressions could change in the blink of an eye. His eyes slowly lost that mirth and instead dropped into the most dangerous glare, “So it seems,” he monotoned, grinding his teeth. “I won’t take you for myself by force, not until you want me to.”

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. 

You need to get out of here. “And what if I never want you to? Tell me,” you breathed out. 

Your heart leapt out of your chest when his eyes met yours through the reflection of the glass, the grin on his face expanding malevolently. He pulled away, making a point to demean you further by tapping your cheek. 

“And so my manipulation tactics begin,” he smirked, his sharp jawline finding rest above his slender fingers. “Though I don’t think I have to make much effort, you seem to be doing most of the work for me, dove.”

It was true, he got you there. You didn’t have to show up, you didn’t have to answer to his every beck and call, and you didn’t have to stay and wait for him when he humiliated you earlier, but you were still here. Seonghwa wasn’t pointing a gun to your head. 

Not yet, at least. 

“You’re mine,” Seonghwa murmured. “The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’d feel better.”

“But for now,” he stood up, all the grace and elegance in his body oozing out of him. He moved so regal, you had no idea why he even liked you. He offers his hand out. “You should go home. I reckon this meeting took a toll on you.”

You refused his hand and he scoffed, and just like that, he left. Completely alone to your thoughts now, you couldn’t help but breathe out the air you didn’t realize you were holding.

It was that tense, things with Seonghwa were always very intense. He always invoked emotions out of you that you always kept buried inside you, yet you always came back for more. Again, the fault wasn’t fully his own.

You were the one who left him, yet you couldn’t fully leave him. 

As usual, that night was spent with you just thinking about all the things that could’ve been with him. In the end, you weren’t strong enough to tell him that enough was enough with all these games you played with each other. 

He resented you, you knew as much. Seonghwa was a very, very vindictive person - he wasn’t the type to ever let go once crossed. You just never thought that the day would come when all that resentment was directed towards you because he was playing with you, that you knew as much.

It took another two weeks before he contacted you again, and this time, he called you directly. You stared at the number on your phone. You had deleted his number, but that was pretty pointless because you memorized it by heart, anyway. “Hello?”

“Hello, love,” you could hear the smirk in his cocky tone. “Care to have another coffee with me?”

The automatic response you had in your head was, of course, no. Seonghwa was an asshole; he was manipulative, and he was arguably the most toxic person you’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting, but goddamn, does your heart always pull you towards him even when you try very hard to guard it. “I don’t know,” you told him truthfully in the end even though his voice broke down your walls bit by bit. “I told you that we have to stop doing this, aren’t you sick of it?”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. “You’re right,” he mumbled, surprising you with how genuinely amiable he sounded. “Coffee is overrated. Let’s go to dinner, instead. How about that Italian place downtown?”

You didn’t have high expectations, in fact, you had zero expectations, but you weren’t expecting that at all. “S-Seonghwa,” you sputtered. “T-That’s not what I mean.” “I know,” he chuckled. If you didn’t know him, it would sound like he was genuinely amused by this, but no. It already had a dark undertone to it. “So how about it, love dove? That or we hit the bar next to it, instead. Pick your poison because I’m not asking for your permission.”

It was your turn to stay silent. The last place you wanted to go to was the Italian restaurant. Why?

Because it was where you met Seonghwa - the end of your beginning and the beginning of your end.

“Let’s just do coffee, then. Just like you originally wanted,” you murmured in submission, but he was not pleased with your response.

“That ship has sailed when you couldn’t make up your damn mind,” he said. “The bar, then—”

“N-No! I mean, no, please,” you denied, a bit more defensive than what you would’ve liked to sound. “Dinner, Seonghwa, please, I’ll go to dinner with you…”

“Splendid, I’ll pick you up in an hour,” he agreed. “Why are you avoiding the bar?”

“Because we know where that leads,” you lamented, your voice almost desperate and pleading. “I’ll see you.”

You sighed, hanging up the phone and not bothering to hear what he had to say. You were pretty much terrified of going to the bar with Seonghwa, because then he’ll get you a drink, and that would always lead you in his arms.

The hour was a blur. A year prior, it was your favourite part of the day - getting ready and dolled up for the love of your life, but now, you just wanted to get everything over with. 

You’d also be excited for the car ride, but now, it was just so awkward to be in the car with Seonghwa. Neither of you talked, nor were you interested to spark up a conversation to begin with. The only time you did was when he asked you to hold onto him as you made your way inside the restaurant.

It was impossibly lavish, as expected of Seonghwa’s finer taste in life. It wasn’t for the regular everyday people since everywhere you looked dripped in money, both clean and dirty. However, all this elegance felt oppressive to you

Seonghwa sat across you, his presence filling the entire space. You cowered at his stare, focusing on the food that was being laid out in front of you. His stare never left you even when the waiter asked if their services were still needed. You could feel your hands gripping the stem of the complimentary champagne flute.

Suddenly, he started to laugh softly. You tilted your head to look at him curiously. “You’re very stubborn, dove,” he shook his head. “It would be endearing if I didn’t want to strangle it out of you sometimes.”

Against your better judgment, you took a huge swig out of the champagne, letting the sweetness of it coat your throat. Lord knows you needed a lot of them if you were about to spend time with Seonghwa. “Unluckily for you, I’m not looking for you to change my mind. I’m happy being independent right now.”

It wasn’t the entire truth. You wanted nothing but to lay in his arms like you used to and let him whisper all the sweet nothings in your ear. You grabbed the wine bottle from the ice bucket that was placed near you and poured a hefty amount on its respective wine glass.

In your peripheral vision, it wasn’t hard to see Seonghwa’s irritation - he wasn’t used to being met with resistance  - but even he raised a brow at how much red wine you were planning to drink. He smirked, looks like he didn’t need the bar, after all.

But his smirk dropped when he realized that you had already finished a whole glass and you were on your way to another one. “Alright, that’s enough,” he snatched the glass from you, drinking the whole thing in one go. “I’m not a good person, but don’t insult me like this. I have standards, I don’t want you face-planting on the floor.”

You blinked, the alcohol in your system already hitting you head-on in a possible collision that will be difficult to recover. You couldn’t look away from Seonghwa, and for once, maybe you just wanted to let go and be happy. “Do you want to know why I don’t want to go to a bar, specifically?”

He looked at you expectantly. “It was pointless since I got this,” you giggled, holding up the wine bottle, which was already halfway empty. The glasses were massive, and you were lightweight. “Because we’ll have a drink together, and then you’ll say you want me and that you’re sorry,” you hiccupped. “I know it’ll be a lie.” 

He stood up, rendering you speechless. Whether it was from all the stress culminating inside you or his audacity, you didn’t know. He offered a hand to you. “Come,” Seonghwa softly commanded. 

You finally looked up at him, confused. “W-Where?”

“Home, you silly goose,” he chuckled. He raised a brow when it still didn’t click. “I’m taking you home, little dove.”

Alarm bells started to ring in your head. You were about to shake your head when he stopped you. “I meant your…apartment,” he spat the word with such venom. “I do not approve of it since we have our old house, but I’ll play along for now. Come along before I change my mind.”

It was how you found yourself back in Seonghwa’s car, the food long forgotten, your mind buzzing. You sighed, staring out through the window, just gazing upon the passing distance. A scoff was tickling behind your throat, this was one of those instances where you actually had no choice. Whatever Seonghwa says, goes. 

However, contrary to what he was thinking, you weren’t necessarily afraid of him just snatching you up and forcing you to be with him, not today at least, but you were concerned about something else - something else entirely intimate.

When he insisted that he walk you up to your door, you couldn’t refute it. How could you when he was already walking at the apartment entrance ahead of you as if he knew where he was going?

Little did you know that he actually did. You blanched when he situated himself in front of your door. “Seonghwa,” you gulped, your hands shaking as you tried to open the door. “H-How did you know it was this door?”

When you left him, you tried everything you could to erase his track. It was almost impossible since the mafia owns the entire region, and you couldn’t go far since you had no money. You knew that he knew where you lived but you at least thought that you were safe since you thought you had the upper hand. You cursed under your breath, you shouldn’t have put his obsession with you past him. 

He snatched the keys from your hands, taking the liberty to unlock the door, himself, but when he was about to push it so he could walk in, you quickly held on to his arm tightly. 

“It’s late,” you reasoned out, heart pounding in your chest. This. This was what you were afraid of. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

He rolled his eyes, taking the keys out from the keyhole and tossing them to you. “Is this the way you treat your guests, love?” Seonghwa scoffed, crossing his arms. He sneered. “I thought I taught you better than that.”

You fisted your hands so tightly, your nails left deep indents on your palms. “You made me entertain thieves and murderers,” you gritted your teeth, not relishing in the memory of the many times Seonghwa would make you sit on his lap while he planned his operations in front of the other mafia leaders. 

“Hoshposh, little one, I would’ve shot anybody who looked at you wrong straight to the head,” he said. “Seriously, though, I’m quite thirsty.”

He pulled on his sleeves slightly and set his eyes on the luxurious watch that was wrapped on his wrist. “A glass of water would be great, then I’ll be on my way.”

You frowned, hesitation rolling off of you in waves. Of course, you didn’t want to let Seonghwa in your apartment, but you weren’t exactly heartless. You bit your lip, the sting of it snapping you out of the lies swirling in your own head. Heartlessness had nothing to do with it. 

You looked up at Seonghwa, heat pooling in your lower tummy, regret churning above it. You opened the door wide, resigning to your desires, leaving the remorse for tomorrow. 

Seonghwa smirked, closing the door behind him before pulling you by the arm, his lips smashing against yours in a heated fervor. Kissing him back wasn’t lost on you, this was what he was truly thirsty for, after all - you. 

And the worst of it all, you’d let him drink on no matter how much your head told you ‘no’. Seonghwa wasn’t someone who you could deny, because you can’t. 

The point was to meet him for coffee, his usual excuse, and only for coffee, but alas, nowhere else is safe because every place always led back to him.

A low, breathy moan escapes your throat as he lifts you up in the air, quickly wrapping your legs around his torso. His lips found salvation on your neck and jawline, planting sweet kisses on your skin that set them on fire with every touch. 

“I missed you,” he groaned against your chest as he laid you down on your bed and loomed on top of you, trapping you in between his arms. “God, I fucking missed you, dove…”

Of all the things he’s said tonight, you knew this to be the one where he wasn’t telling lies. You couldn’t even complain when he tore your top to shreds in his impatience to have it off, your bra stood no chance either. A wanton moan slips out of you when he grabs the small dagger that he always kept and cuts it off from the middle, the cool metal tip sending shivers all over your skin. 

“S-Seonghwa,” you mewled when his lips wrapped themselves on your puckered nipples, his tongue swirling all over it, leaving trails of spit that you always found incredibly erotic. 

He wasted no time taking the rest of his clothes off along with yours until there was no barrier left between the two of you and the hot surface of Seonghwa’s skin seared in contact with yours. You wanted this more than anything, and it was why you were terrified of letting him in. 

“How do you want it?” Seonghwa placed a tender kiss on the area below your ear, tickling you, making your cunt clamp down on his invading fingers as he massaged that sweet spot inside you. “How do you want me to fuck you?”

It was when you looked up at him that had your mind completely reeling. No, you never really doubted that he loved you, but sometimes, love simply wasn’t enough. 

And in Seonghwa’s case, he was offering a little too much. And too much of anything never did anybody favours.

When you raised your hand to cup his face, he didn’t hesitate to close his eyes and kiss your palm. There were no words that needed to be said. 

That night, as you were curled up on Seonghwa’s naked chest when things were said and done, it was the first time you wished that things were different. You wished you were strong enough to stop loving this man, but that was impossible because you knew he would never stop chasing you until all that were left of him were bones and ashes. 

And when you woke the next day to a completely empty bed, tears cascading down towards your pillows as you stared at the empty space. You could still feel the ghost of his lips on your forehead, the reluctance to leave clear in the gesture. But he had to, you’d kick him out, anyway.

However, it wasn’t out of a broken heart - it was relief. Pure, unadulterated relief that he was gone.

Leaving Seonghwa a couple of months before you moved back to your current place was simply the hardest thing you had to do. It wasn’t a decision that you mustered up out of thin air, it was days - months - of decision-making that either broke your heart or killed you.

You carefully adjusted your dress, shimmying your hips to make sure you weren’t exposed. You slipped among the crowd, squeezing your body in between the drunken state of the people on the dance floor as you made a beeline straight to the bar.

Clubbing became a part of your routine. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism to remind you that before Seonghwa, you were your own person. A drink or two later, your hands were in the air, your inhibitions lowering at the quick shot of adrenaline the alcohol provided you.

But it could only do so much. You sat at the corner of the club, just staring into the crowd. Melancholy seeped in your heart, it was pathetic that you had to go to places like these to get that cheap thrill of forgetting Seonghwa for a moment, only for his face to haunt you the moment you stepped out.

You swallowed the nostalgia that threatened to embrace you. When you closed your eyes, you could still picture the moment when you met Seonghwa for the first time. It was last year, you were so naive back then.

Or maybe not. He was just good at hiding his true colours.

A heavy sigh left your lips, your head nodding in resignation at the realization that your date had just ditched you.

Embarrassment clawed in your chest as you curled in on yourself at your seat, your fingers fiddling with the straps of the dress you’d carefully picked out for tonight uncomfortably. It was a waste since you had nobody to show up for it.

“You shouldn’t waste your tears on this beautiful night, pretty dove.”

Surprise covers your features. You hadn’t realized that you were crying. You feel somebody from behind you, probably another patron of the restaurant. You were even more embarrassed that someone has seen you get emotional.

“T-Thank you, kind Sir,” you politely accepted the handkerchief he offered you, dabbing your tears with it. “I’m afraid I soiled what’s yours…”

You were caught off guard when you glanced at its owner. He was hauntingly beautiful. His features were so forward and defined, and yet, there was a type of softness to it that reminded you of a gentle lamb.

”Do not fret, I have more where that came from,” he chuckled. 

“Ah,” you trailed off. “I will replace it for you soon.”

He smiled, his face transforming into something even more breathtaking. A blush creeps onto your cheeks.

”Might I be presumptuous to ask for something else in return? I don’t need it back,” he pointed to the kerchief. 

You blinked, waiting for his response. He gestured to the empty chair in front of you. “I’d like to accompany you for tonight, if that’s alright,” he said.

Your brows shot up in surprise. You supposed that the universe hasn’t completely abandoned you. You nodded, gesturing towards the chair. You had absolutely nothing to lose. 

“O-Of course. I’d be honoured,” you cleared your throat, gazing at him expectantly as he helped himself. “I’m Y/N.”

He gracefully extends his hand to capture yours, a subtle smirk plastered on his face. “Park Seonghwa.”

He was the best thing that ever happened to you. Seonghwa took you to multiple dates after that, taking you to places he said you deserved to be taken to, experiencing things you’ve never done before, and just spending time with him in general.

The next thing you knew, you were falling in love with him, and you were falling hard and fast. Luckily for you, Seonghwa was, too.

You bit your lips, remembering the way his glimmering eyes that reminded you of a baby doe as he stared at you with all the love he could muster in those beautiful eyes. The Seonghwa you knew was kind and gentle, he could never hurt a fly.

”Excuse me?” 

The bartender you got your drinks from earlier interrupts your thoughts. They had a tray with a single drink. It was a daiquiri. You frowned, shaking your head towards them. “I haven’t ordered anything.”

They proceeded to shake their head at you, instead. “It’s from that guy over there,” they pointed at a table a couple of metres away from you. 

As they placed the cocktail right in front of you, you took the liberty of inspecting the man that had the audacity to assume that you were lonely. A year back, you would’ve been flattered, but this reminded you of the way Seonghwa approached you for the first time in that restaurant.

Your sweet, sweet boy. Or so you thought. 

“Can you please return it? I’m not interested,” you pushed the drink back, much to the bartender’s chagrin and hesitation.

Your heart felt like a knife was being stabbed into it. You couldn’t go through this again.

Something changed along with your relationship. Seonghwa was the most patient man you knew. He was the type to cook breakfast in bed for you, tuck you in and give you a goodnight kiss for absolutely no reason. Seonghwa would hold you in his arms, cuddling with you for hours, just laughing along with your corny jokes even though they weren’t funny.

”Whenever you’re sad, just look at the stars for me,” Seonghwa would say. He would give your forehead a tender kiss as he would whisper. “You are my forever star, Y/N. I want the stars to be a witness to our eternal love.”

The club started to feel suffocating for you. Standing up, your wobbling legs took you to the restroom. You didn’t even spare a second glance on the daiquiri that you had purposefully left behind.

Luckily, the restroom was empty. You splashed cold water on your face, hoping it would wake you up and knock some sense into you. This was a mistake, you thought, your hands gripping the marbled sink. You were a mess.

Your feelings for Seonghwa were a mess. He started to change slowly. It wasn’t noticeable at first, but you knew him. He started getting angry fast, he had random bouts of periods where he would disappear, he’d come home with bruises on his face. He would cover it with makeup, but they’d still peek through.

When he told you he was in the mafia was a breaking point for you. You immediately left him after because you didn’t want to involve yourself in that lifestyle.

”My love, please,” Seonghwa begged at that time, tears falling from his beautiful eyes as he held your arm back weakly from leaving the house with your luggages. “P-Please, don’t go, I-I don’t think I can live without you, please.”

You couldn’t believe it back then, that your sweet Seonghwa was pleading for you to keep your love alive while his heart shattered with the weight of your decision in his chest. It pained you to see the love of your life losing it like this, but you had no choice. You wanted a normal life, you wanted to live your life safely, and Seonghwa being in the mafia can’t provide that for you.

It pained you to remember how Seonghwa desperately kneeled on the floor, crawling forward on his knees, broken, his eyes wild with fear. “Y/N, I am begging you,” Seonghwa’s voice cracked back then, struggling to breathe as tears spilled down his face. “I need you, dove, I can’t go on without you…”

His chest heaved with sobs he couldn’t control. “Don’t leave me, please. I don’t care what I have to do, dove, I-I can’t lose you, y-you’re everything to me. Please, don’t go.”

Sometimes, love just wasn’t worth it. You swallowed the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes, and you powered through, turning your back on him for the last time as his fiance, pulling on your luggages to leave him for good. It was difficult to ignore the guttural cries that left his lips as he screamed his lungs out for you to come back to him, but you had to go.

The little coffee breaks he’d ask of you were your little reprieve. Call it a guilty conscience for breaking his heart.  

But the truth was, you still loved him just the same, if not more. God, you still loved him.

Something had changed, though. During the months you were apart, he became maddened - more unhinged, to say the least. He scared you most of the time, it strengthened your cause of leaving because it was a side of him you’ve never seen before. He wasn’t the person you loved, not anymore. 

Your Seonghwa was mellow and gentle. Whoever this maniac was, this psycho, you didn’t know who. 

The bathroom doors opened with a bang, the rickety wooden structure hitting the walls that shook the entire expanse from where you stood. Danger signals spiked fear in you, instead of the usual women who belonged in the restroom, two wannabe thugs entered and set their eyes on you. 

One of them gave you a gnarly grin. You squinted your eyes, you knew of them. Disgust curls on your lips at the sight of the two men who were at the table who sent you the overly sweet cocktail you indifferently left at the table. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” you said, trying to level the situation out. Them barging in meant no good. And there was no one to save you. What is it with men and their inability to accept rejection?

“Who the hell do you think you are?” One of them growled audaciously, spit flying out from his filthy mouth emphasized by the dingy lighting the restroom provided. He marches towards you, pushing your arms rather roughly. You reckon it will bruise.

“Now, now, there’s no need for this,” the other one gestured for his companion to tone it down, leering as he raked his eyes from your head to your toes. His slimy tongue licks his dry lips as he slowly approaches you, or rather, stalks you like a predator.

The moment he grabs your shoulders, your instincts snapped you out. With a scream, you swiftly ran across the room towards the door, but not before giving one of them a good kick in the groin. 

“You fucking bitch! Ow, fuck, wait until I get my hands on you—”

Your heart pounded heavily against your ribcage, pure adrenaline fueling you as more vile words could be heard from the distance the more you walked away. You had no care for the sweaty bodies that you had to go through, all you knew was that you had to run, and you had to run fast.

This was the only time you cursed at how small the club was. You had no idea how far you were walking away from the bathroom, but the blinding lights, the deafening music, they were starting to get to you. You were terrified that they had managed to follow you. You didn’t dare look back.

You had to get out of here. Luckily, you were near the back door where you could exit and get away, so that’s exactly what you did. You couldn’t even regret forgetting your jacket the moment you got out and was embraced in the bitter cold of the night.

“Once again, I don’t have to do anything. You keep running into me.”

A startled scream escapes your mouth, the loudness of your own voice scaring you. Panic surged through your bloodstream. You looked around, and there was darkness everywhere, but no matter how blinded you were, you will always find that voice. 

Seonghwa was enveloped in the quiet corner of the cobblestoned alleyway. His back was leaning against the wall, his hand in his pants pocket while the other held a cigarette in between his nimble fingers. The only thing illuminating him was the faint glow of its lighted tip, its smoke swirling in the air mixed with the cold exhale of his breath.

Your breath caught into your throat. The horrifying clarity of running straight towards another danger was harrowing. Being alone with Seonghwa was far, far more dangerous than anything, however, you’d rather be in his mercy than those thugs inside. 

“You just couldn’t wait to see me again, don’t you, doveling?” Seonghwa mocked, his voice almost low, and frankly, delicious to your ears.

But you weren’t in the mood for his games. “Go fuck yourself,” you hissed, gritting your teeth in annoyance.

“I’d rather fuck you,” he grinned.

His pants tightened as he stared at you clad in the tiniest dress known to mankind, his cock jumping out at a certain memory of you underneath him just the prior week before he left your sleeping form. 

He could take you where you stood, right here, right now. And he would. However, when he noticed the way your hands trembled as you wrapped a protective arm all over yourself, his inhibitions died down. His brow rose when your form shook at the sudden boom of a voice from the door where you exited.

Paleness rendered you frozen. You could hear the same voice from the bathroom shouting, the sound of their voice growing closer and closer as they searched for you. Your eyes fleeted to Seonghwa once more.

He was already staring at you, his sharp, calculating eyes boring into you in realization. He poked his tongue on his inner cheeks, dropping the cigarette on the dirty floor, crushing it underneath his feet. You smiled to yourself ruefully, he was definitely different from the Seonghwa in your memory.

This was his true nature. Your sweet Seonghwa was a fraud.

The door busted open, and the same guy that held your shoulders looked around like an angry bull until he set his eyes on you. At that moment, you knew that Seonghwa understood what was happening. He stayed unmoving, unbreathing in his dark corner as the guy marched towards you.

“You,” the guy seethed, shoving you hard on the same shoulder. “You think you’re hot shit, bitch?”

You gasped when he spit at your feet, his saliva coating your slightly exposed feet due to your shoes. You inhaled, exhaled, repeating the gesture to reel in the anger you were feeling. You subtly waved your hand in Seonghwa’s direction, telling him to back the hell off and let you handle this, yourself.

“I’ll pay you for the drink, if that’s what you’re mad about,” you murmured, trying to sidestep him, but he swayed to the same direction, blocking your way. “Move,” you gritted your teeth.

He gripped your arm tight, his fingers digging into your skin in an alarming pressure where you were sure it would leave bruises. “No, no, you’re coming with me,” he pulled on your arm, causing you to lose your footing a bit.

“N-No, let go of me,” you pulled once more, forcefully this time, but his grip was loosening. Tension gripped your chest, the feeling of being cornered filling your mind with fear.

“Just come with me, you’ll have a good time,” he laughed lasciviously, his arm moving to grip your waist, until it freezes in the air.

You didn’t know whether you should feel alarmed or cry in relief when you watched Seonghwa appear from behind your captor. “Not so fast,” he said. You gulped when you saw him pull something familiar, using it to point at the man who held your arm at the back of his head.

The sound of a pistol cocking was louder than it should’ve been at the empty alleway. Your eyes widened in surprise and fear. This wasn’t supposed to be shocking to you anymore, but the sight of Seonghwa easily pulling a gun towards someone’s head never failed to instill terror in you.

“Back off, bastard,” the man snarled, though it didn’t have a real bite to it. “I saw her first, you can use this bitch when I’m done with her.”

Seonghwa hummed, leaning forward to the man’s ear, his tone dripping with unveiled threat. “Or I could plant a bullet in your head first. That sounds better to me.”

The man let out a nervous laugh, his grip on you tightening further, making you whine in slight pain. “You wouldn’t dare,” he laughed sarcastically, pushing his luck. “Not in a public place.”

Seonghwa’s eyes never left your shaking form. Your captor’s lips curled in dissatisfaction at Seonghwa’s lack of response. The thick silence in the air, yet your eyes never left Seonghwa as well. 

“What else did he do to you, love?” Seonghwa’s soft voice asked after a while, though his eyes held another thing - rage.

He pushes the gun on the man’s scalp, the latter groaning in pain in response to the rough action. “Look, man. I didn’t know she was taken,” the guy defended himself. “W-We can talk about this—”

“Did he hurt you before this?” Seonghwa gave you a pointed look, impatience coating his features.

“Seonghwa, please,” you responded, voice weary and exhausted. “Let’s just—”

“Answer the question, Y/N. Did he, or did he not?”

You gulped. You hated when he used your name. “Just let him go, please, I want to go home,” you begged. You felt filthy being touched, but you didn’t want blood in your hands.

But it was too late, Seonghwa hated his properties getting defiled. He shoots the guy point blank, his eyes still never leaving yours. Shock electrifies your system, unwilling you to move even when your face splatters with blood. The grip on your arms disappears as the man’s body crumples to the ground with a sickening thud.

Seonghwa tutted, clicking his tongue in mock disappointment and disgust at the body laying down in front of him. “Pathetic fool,” he sneered, spitting violently at the corpse’s face, his foot connecting to the now-dead man’s face. “Pathetic fool.”

Another gunshot resounds in the air, and then another, and then another one, until the clicking of Seonghwa’s trigger signifies that he was out of bullets. “Well, fuck,” he murmured before his maniacal laughter fills the night. There was something primal about it, something animalistic.

You turned away, at the risk of throwing up all over the concrete floor, afraid to look at the man’s, mangled, bullet-riddled face. Your vision started to blur, like your surroundings were spinning, as your breathing became laboured and shallow. You tried to back away to try and lean on something, but your legs felt weak.

“A ‘thank you’ would be nice, little dove,” Seonghwa scoffed, side-eyeing you as he put his phone up his ear. “Get in here. I need someone to scrub the floor.”

You knew exactly what that meant. Someone was coming to get rid of Seonghwa’s crime. Your stomach churns with nausea, until you can't take it anymore. You turn around, emptying your stomach of its contents, the regurgitating, gagging sounds from your hoarse throat sickening, the smell of your own vomit making you even more sick.

The more you tried to breathe in calmly, the more out of control you felt. It was as if your body was deliberately going against you. Seonghwa never hid his brutality, but this was the first time you had witnessed it first hand.

You gasped when you were pinned against the nearby wall, your eyes rolling in the back of your head, but still making a point to look at Seonghwa. “Shut the hell up,” he hissed, wildly looking around. “We’re going to get caught if you don’t toughen up.”

You sneered, wiping your lips with the back of your hand. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re delusional, you monster—”

Something cold and unforgiving wrapped itself around your throat. You gasped, your hands coming up for defense to pry Seonghwa’s hand away from your neck, but all he did was squeeze, effectively cutting your air supply off. “S-Seonghwa…”

A low, throaty laugh reaches your ears before he lets go. Your body automatically lunges forward, the suffocating weight on your neck finally lifting for you to gulp in a large amount of air. Yes, Seonghwa thought, this was what he wanted. He was the only one who had rights to your pain, not some slimy bastard.

“Why do you always have to misbehave, dove?” Seonghwa grabs your face gently in his hands, leaning in to plant a firm kiss on your forehead. “It would do you a favour if you shut your trap.”

“I–I’m well-behaved, actually,” you choked out, your fingers digging on his arms for support. “You always get what you want, anyway. What was the point?”

It was the truth, and you weren’t wrong. Whether that was by determination, force, or sheer luck, Seonghwa always got what he wanted.

Footsteps began to approach, the heavy thud of boots echoing through the night. Panic seizes you at first, but when you are approached by familiar faces. Seonghwa curses under his breath, pulling you close to him to cover your scantily clad body from prying eyes.

Not that he needed to do it, anyone who looked at you wrongly would have faced his wrath, anyway.

“Clean that rubbish up,” Seonghwa ordered gruffly, pointing his gun at the corpse he further abused after taking its life. “Leave traces of it, and you’re next. Where’s the car?”

Before anyone could respond, he threw said gun in the air for someone to catch. “Dispose of this, Yunho, and dispose of it well,” he wrapped a possessive arm around you, gesturing to the tall man who stared at you in pity. “We’re leaving.”

“Boss, hold on,” another person, one that you knew to be Jongho from his voice, alone, stopped Seonghwa from walking. He raised an irritated brow in expectation. “Wouldn’t it be smarter to pin this on someone else, instead?”

You knew of Seonghwa’s brothers, the people who he led and followed him for his wisdom and criminally intelligent guise, and you liked them. Jongho drove you back to your apartment that day when you left Seonghwa, causing him to be severely punished when he came back, and Yunho provided you a crying shoulder, but sometimes, you forgot that they were just as depraved as their boss.

Seonghwa laughed, baring his teeth maliciously. “Brilliant. On with it, then.”

The car was thick with unspoken tension, at least for you, anyway. Seonghwa was as relaxed as ever as he sat with you at the back of the car; his legs were crossed gracefully, and he even held a champagne flute for him to drink as if he was celebrating a job well done.

“Are you going to get rid of me too?” You asked, filling in the awkward silence. One more second of silence and you were going to lose your mind.

“I should,” he answered. Your body twitched with the unexpected response. “Which is why you should be more thankful. Nobody gets out of Halazia alive, not without my consent.”

Halazia was their base where all the operations ensued. You wanted to scoff, were you supposed to be grateful that you weren’t killed in your sleep after you broke up with him? 

“The only thing I should thank you for is absolute nothing,” you replied, your voice inhospitable and unwelcoming.

You turned away, trying to ignore him and cut the conversation, but you gasped when he grabbed your arm harshly, hissing in pain when he coincidentally dug his fingers on the spot where you were pushed by the other man in the bathroom.

“Where the hell did you get this?” Seonghwa barked, glaring at the swollen area of your arm. If it wasn’t a bruise from him, then you’re not supposed to have it. Only he can give you those.

“Get your hands off of me,” you snarled, pulling your arm away to rub on the hurting spot. You avoided eye contact with him, not willing to divulge more information. One man was already dead, you didn’t want another one in your hands. You haven’t even properly internalized what happened, it was too soon.

“I just had a nasty fall and hit something while I was running away from that creep, it’s no big deal.”

His stiffened, his eyes narrowed with unbridled, towering hostility. Seonghwa made no point to reply, but you could feel his temper rolling off in waves from where you sat. You decided not to push it. Technically, he lets you get away with a lot of things. You gulped, remembering how he callously shot someone in the head just by messing with you.

And that was fine, until you realized you weren’t getting driven to the place where you thought you’d be. You picture the familiar buildings that lead to your apartment, the roads that you walked to and fro everyday. You dare not breathe as you slowly approach the belly of the beast.

Seonghwa’s house, your old house with him.

“W-What are we doing here? Seonghwa,” you panicked, gripping the leather seats underneath your palms. “Why are you taking me here—”

“Relax, dove, it’s only for one night,” he scoffed. 

The car lurched to a stop, the brakes screeching with no warning, and a cold gust of air hit your face when Seonghwa opened his own door to get out, but not without turning his head in your direction. “Unless you want to stay with me,” he grinned maliciously.

You angrily stepped out, having no choice but to comply just for a night. Your heels clacked against the wet concrete, not even caring that you splashed into a small puddle, as you marched towards the house without even waiting for Seonghwa. You hesitated for a little, nostalgia was a dangerous thing to feel. 

The last time you were in this house, Seonghwa was kneeling by the doorway, pleading for you to stay and not leave him, begging that he’ll change. Your chest felt hollow with misplaced intentions, but you decided to ignore it for now.

All you knew right now was that you need to wash off all the blood that marred your face; to wash off all the indirect sins that you knew you had no hand in, but still felt guilty about. When you went to the guest room’s bathroom, your heart dropped when you saw that nothing had changed. 

The water felt invigorating against your skin, but peace never came to you. That man, you were the reason why he was dead. You might as well have pulled the trigger on him. As your mind raced with frantic thoughts, you heard a soft knock on the bathroom door, and then the telltale jingle of the doorknob.

“Don’t even think about it,” you snapped, still covering your naked body with your hands even though you knew he wouldn’t be able to get in.

You heard Seonghwa’s dark chuckle on the other side of the door. “I’ll be back immediately, I have business to attend to. Hongjoong is here to address your needs, shall you need something.”

You murmured in agreement just to get rid of him. You would take this opportunity to slip away and go back to your apartment. You just hoped that Seonghwa wouldn’t be one step ahead of you like he always was. He could do whatever he wanted, you didn’t care.

At least that’s what you told yourself when you dressed up using your clothes that Seonghwa didn’t bother to throw away. A scoff leaves your lips, was he really hoping that you’d come back to him? Still, you couldn’t help but wonder what it is that he was doing this late in the night. Back then, you disliked when Seonghwa worked late as it worried you to no end.

“Y/N? May I come in?”

The family butler, Hongjoong, stood at the far end of the room. You greeted him with a warm smile, genuinely happy to see somebody that you knew wasn’t going to take advantage of your presence. He carried a small cup with him with what you assumed was tea. “Hey, Joong, long time no see.”

“Likewise, Y/N. The mansion wasn’t ever the same without you,” he smiled. He paused, hesitation coating his features as he set the cup down in front of you. “I wish you never came back, though.”

You sighed. It might sound harsh, but you knew he meant well. He saw how suffocating Seonghwa was as a fiance. “You can thank your boss for this fiasco. Ask him later, but I’m leaving right now.”

“I still value my life, thank you,” he chuckled, shaking his head. He bowed slightly before he started to walk away. “Call me when you need anything.”

You cursed mentally, swiping your hair up in frustration as you stared at the steaming cup of goodness. You wanted to leave before Seonghwa came back, but if you were being honest with yourself, you felt beat up. Your arms had started to bruise in some areas while you showered, patches of unsightly purples and greens spread all across your skin.

It wasn’t a good idea, and you were setting yourself up for failure, but you decided to drink the tea quickly and then vanish. You sighed, sitting down on the leather sofa, grabbing the remote control to the TV to raise the volume as it was already on, anyway. Seonghwa had a habit of leaving them on even when he’s not around so he’d have easy access to the news whenever he needed it.

Relaxation seeped into you as you took a good sip. Earl Grey, you realized. It made you smile a bit, it was your favourite. Seonghwa bought an entire land just to plant the trees that made them all for you one time. The memory suddenly made the tea taste bitter.

Suddenly, the distinct voice of the newscaster on the television made you freeze mid-sip. “For our breaking news,” they began. “A man was found brutally beaten north of downtown a quarter before midnight. It said that they passed away shortly after their sustained injuries.”

That in itself wouldn’t have been too bad, but when they showed the man’s face pre-crime, the cup wavered in your hand, drops of the tea spilling from the sides. It was the man that pushed you in the bathroom, the one that gave you the nasty bruise on your arm. 

The more the reporter recounted the injuries, the more your grip on the cup tightened. You struggled to process the words, but more so how grizzly the attack was - missing teeth, broken jaw and ribs, face beyond recognition and repair. The words began to blur as you sat staring at the screen, frozen in your place.

 A small chuckle sounded from the doorway, breaking you out of your thoughts. It was followed by a tut, the mocking kind. You closed your eyes to calm your nerves, you knew your chances of leaving were slim to none at this point. Even at a distance, his presence was so overwhelming and suffocating.

“What a shame. Such a handsome fellow.”

You didn’t turn right away, not wanting to give Seonghwa the satisfaction of seeing you falter. If he looked closer, he would’ve noticed how badly your hands shook. ”Yes, it is,” you said flatly, setting the cup down before you shattered it towards the floor. “What did you do?”

You were afraid of the answer, terrified, even. “Whatever do you mean, my love?” Seonghwa replied from where he stood. You could practically hear the smirk from his voice. He was so sure of himself and a bit too close for comfort. “I would never associate myself with the likes of that man.”

That much was true. As lethal as he was, he held an air of grandeur to him that always starstruck you. He could have been royalty in his past life. Everyone was beneath him. 

“Oh?” You worded out, your tone more aggressive than you’d like. “What did you think happened, then?”

Your gaze flickered towards the door, and you wished you didn’t. He leaned on the door frame, arms folded, posture as relaxed as ever. “He must have had a pretty bad fall,” he shrugged nonchalantly. He said it so smoothly, so calmly, that it sent a shiver down your spine. “It’s no big deal.”

You didn’t know what it was. Something passed through his eyes, but it was gone in an instant before you could read it. The way he stood by and stared wasn’t imposing either, but there was something about the way he parroted your words in the car earlier, the way he knew that you knew, that made Seonghwa truly the terrifying man that he was.

You looked at him in disgust. “You’re a psychopath.”

“I prefer creative,” he started walking towards you, his eyes never leaving yours. He stops directly in front of you, his torso in your line of vision. His index finger tilts your chin up until your eyes are meeting his.

For a while, he didn’t say anything, the rest of his fingers brushing your skin tenderly in a way that should’ve calmed you down, but all it did was terrorize you. His gaze was calm, yet it unsettled you to your bones. “My, my, little dove, you are quite ungrateful,” he remarked softly, almost soothingly. “I don’t like ungrateful people.”

He gripped your chin firmly, not enough for it to hurt, but enough for him to make his point. “I don’t know what you want from me,” you cut the undeniable tension in the air.

“It’s not what I want from you,” his thumb pressing lightly over your skin. “It’s what you need from me.”

You frowned. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Watch your tone,” his eyes narrowed as he dug his sharp nails on your chin. You had to suppress a groan until he calmed down. He sighed, his thumb carressing the area he hurt. “Did you honestly think I enjoyed you seeing me like this after hiding it for so long when you were with me?”

The question hung in the air, what were you supposed to say to that? His eyes darkened. “I do everything for you, dove. Can’t you see that everything I do is for your enjoyment and glory?”

This man was delusional. His hands lowered down to your neck, his fingers not squeezing, but the command was there. “I could kill anyone for you without blinking. I’m the only one who will do this for you, because I’m the only one who knows what you truly want,” he took a deep breath. 

His voice became gentler, but that served to scare you even more. The words coming out of his mouth weren’t normal. “You think someone would care for you like I do?” Seonghwa asked affectionately. “You owe me, Y/N. Ask me why.”

“W-Why?” You asked, your words cracking halfway.

“Because,” he answered, eerily calm than it should be. “You’re the only one I care enough to hurt about.” Seonghwa kneels down, his hand unwrapping itself from your neck to hold your thighs. “I’m different now, I won’t let you down, baby.”

Your breath hitched, wanting to pull away, to scream, but the fear had you frozen in place. "I know how you are, Park Seonghwa,” you gulped. “You can't fool me."

"Once. I made that mistake once,” the mask had slipped and the true chaos inside him, referring to when he had hidden things from you. “And I already paid that price, little dove. You left me. Won't you spare me a bit of your love? I learned my lesson."

"You haven't learned your lesson. It's impossible. We are what we are," you stood your ground regardless of what Seonghwa would do to you.

He smirked. "You know I love you," Seonghwa said. "I could wait for you for as long as you need me to."

You frowned, your eyes widening slightly in horror. The confession wasn't something you haven't heard before, but it terrified you just the same. "You shouldn't. I don't love you like that," you rasped weakly. "We've talked about this before."

Seonghwa tilted his head, his face not giving out what his thoughts truly were. You had no idea how utterly smitten he was with you; how depraved he truly was. But the truth was, you could see it on his face. Instead of the rejection stunting his attempts, it made him want you more.

"How long are you going to pretend you don't want me, little dove?" Seonghwa held your hand. He planted a slow kiss, his dark eyes looking up at you as he did so. "How long are you going to deny me?"

It wasn’t difficult to see how his words, no matter how sweet or manipulative they were, hinted at his unstable mindset. “Anyway, I digress,” he pulled away, “Stay the night. You’ve been through a lot today.”

Anger is an indulgence, and it’s something you weren’t willing to feel at the moment. You weren’t angry at him, no - you were angry at yourself. You should have just left earlier.

“I have to go,” you whispered so softly it was almost unheard in the wide expanse of the room. “You weren’t even supposed to bring me here.” Your tone was accusatory. Clearly, you’ve had plenty of blunders today.

“Hmm,” he hummed. “Has it never crossed your mind that all the things you’ve been doing lately have all led you to me?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, but he continued. “Think about it,” he shrugged. “The odds of you stumbling upon me, through the backdoor, nonetheless, on a bar that we had just purchased the same night is astounding.”

You grit your teeth, not having any idea that he owned the property. Had you known, you wouldn’t even have bothered at all.

You rolled your eyes, resisting the urge to scream at him and fight him until you were out of this suffocating house. He tilted his head in response. “You’re not a prisoner, dove,” he declared with disturbing softness. “You are free to leave anytime, but you have to behave and you have to trust me.”

“I don’t trust you,” you bit back, baring your teeth at him like an animal. “I never will.”

Something flashed in his eyes - something inhuman. He chuckled, as if he was expecting your answer all along. “Not yet,” his eyes, once again, glimmered with something foreboding. “But you will, if you know what’s good for you.”

You flipped him off, jumping off of the sofa to tread towards the door to leave, ready to shove him out of the way should Seonghwa resist, if need be. You were done playing his games, you were done being his plaything.

Seonghwa laughed, low and manic, as he watched your petite form stalk towards your goal like a cat who has set his eyes on its prize. Your jerked back, heart pounding in your throat, when he grabbed your wrist to halt you from moving forward. 

His eyes were predatory, and you were pretty sure that he could smell your fear. “Behave, Y/N. It’s quite late, and I’m looking forward to retiring to my bed,” he smirked. He leaned closer to your ear to whisper. “Or are you looking forward to finding out how I’ll punish you if you misbehave?”

You grit your teeth, the audacity of this man! You fists clenched to your sides, the ache of rage and frustration bubbling inside you.

“No need to be afraid,” he whispered, leaning in close. “I told you, you’ll learn to trust me. I always get what I want.”

He lets go of your wrist to walk away, but not before he turns his head to side-you. “And I want you.”

A day or two was fine, to be fair, you really did need to rest and recuperate all the energy you had lost from all the adrenaline-fueled chase in the nightclub.

But you’ve been in Seonghwa’s territory, Halazia, for almost a week now. True to his words, you really weren’t being treated as a prisoner. Hongjoong did his best to accommodate all your needs, but it didn’t erase the fact that you were just a glorified captive that he dressed in silk and bound by the chains of his obsession.

Seonghwa always had an excuse, his latest one being that he wanted to see you out since he knew you weren’t going to show your face to him for a while. Well, that was three days ago. It pissed you off to no end, you weren’t completely stupid - it was his way of manipulating you to stay.

All you did was stay in the guest room. Seonghwa has tried to coax you once or twice, but you always ignored him, and you weren’t ready to see the people you used to know that you had gotten close with before you left.

Fine, you thought. If he wasn’t going to let you leave, you were just going to get out, yourself, without anybody knowing. You had no idea how you’ll do it, Halazia was well-guarded, but damn, if you didn’t try. You had to escape.

You carefully opened the door that led out to the currently empty hallway, looking left and right to see if Seonghwa assigned somebody to watch you. There wasn’t any, but you didn’t trust what you see - it was what you didn’t see that you didn’t trust.

The only good thing about this house was that it had a lot of secret entrances and exits just in case Seonghwa needed to escape if the operation got compromised. You had memorized them just in case you needed to escape from Seonghwa, ironically, like right now. 

The nearest one to you was locked, of course. You cursed under your breath, quickly moving on to the next one. It was a gamble, unlike the other secret exits, this one was disguised as a small aesthetic dresser that Seonghwa had cleverly displayed at the end of the hallway. When opened, you would be greeted by random coats for diversion.

You silently moved them aside, revealing a hidden door knob behind them that led to the underground garage. Luckily, you were small enough to fit through without making the wooden structure of it creak. You were so close, and now, you had this one chance.

“Y/N?”

You reached for the door knob, but before your hands could wrap around it, your breath hitched, every muscle on your back stiffening. You rigidly turned your head, meeting Yunho’s widened eyes as they went back and forth between your face and where your hand was headed.

“Y-Yunho,” you pleaded, gulping on your nerves. You were thoroughly fucked. “Please…”

But before you could both react, low murmurs of voice started to echo down the hallway as well as thudding footsteps that signalled a couple of people just around the other hallway.

One of which was Seonghwa’s.

You couldn’t even lament. You knew this was going to happen. Every single time you found an opportunity to seek your way out, he would always come for you. He was always one step ahead, always waiting for you to screw up so he could whatever it is that he wanted.

Your breath got caught in your throat. Seonghwa’s presence loomed close like his footsteps, his voice muffled, yet smooth and cold, as he talked to whoever he was with. When his shadow was outlined at the end of the hallway, you knew you were done for.

And when you heard Hongjoong’s voice from the distance looking for you in panic, you knew you were found out.

Without thinking, you stepped in the dresser, closing the door before you slid in the corner behind all the thick coats. You swallowed, forcing yourself to still your breathing and manage your panic, but the truth was, you felt like you were going to faint. You stayed hidden, holding your breath and waited.

Footsteps approached until they directly stopped in front of the dresser. Your stomach twisted in fear, your breath coming fast and shallow. One wrong move, and all of this would be over.

“Yun,” Hongjoong’s panted tiredly. “Have you seen Y/N, by any chance?”

You inhaled a sharp breath. You had totally forgotten about Yunho. You said a quick prayer in your head, squeezing your body even tighter against the corner. Light passed in between the small crack of the door, allowing you to see Seonghwa along with two people you couldn’t really see finally joining Hongjoong and Yunho.

“No. I thought she was still in the guest room?” Yunho sounded thoroughly confused when he answered, his voice leaving no room for doubt as he covered for you. 

Relief washed over you. You would never forget this favour from Yunho as he stepped in for you without a second thought. Through the crack, you could see Seonghwa close his eyes to reel in his anger, his fingers massaging his temple in nuisance, staring at Yunho, who squirmed at the attention, intently.

“She couldn’t have gotten far. Find her,” he ordered in eerie stillness.

Seonghwa remained in the hallway directly in your line of vision through the small space in between the wooden doors. This time, you weren’t breathing at all, your mind racing. Why wasn’t he leaving?

“Y/N,” he sighed exasperatedly. “Oh, my little doveling.”

Your chest exploded, pain spreading through your lungs as your breath got knocked out of you. His possessive way of calling you out shook you. You couldn’t risk getting caught, so you didn’t say anything.

You flinched when the doors rattled with his touch, creaking slightly as he opened it ever so slightly. “I know you’re in here,” he chuckled, teasing and soft, and so mocking. “Did you honestly think you could hide from me?”

Your stomach churned when the doors opened violently, its hinges almost coming undone. You wanted to cry, but you forced yourself to be still. You were still hidden behind the thick, wool coats. You just hoped your heavy breathing didn’t give you away.

You watched as his dark eyes scanned the dresser and for a moment, he didn’t move, just standing there as if disbelieving that he wasn’t seeing you. He hummed, finally closing the doors. A chill sparked up your spine, it couldn’t be that easy—

It all happened within a split second. You screamed when the doors opened again, a hand grabbing you and dragging you out of the dresser to be forcibly pinned against it. Somehow, Seonghwa still knew you were in there as if he had always known from the start - as if he anticipated you hiding in it.

“You think me stupid, don’t you?” Seonghwa murmured with false pretense. “I own you. That also means I know how your mind functions.”

You fixed your stare on the floor, not daring to lift your head to look at him. He held the areas on your arm that were still bruised, they hurt, but you were wishing that you could just disappear on the spot. But there he was, standing before you as his hands pinned yours tightly against the wall. His stare was intense, his demeanor more so.

“Look at me,” he commanded. He wasn’t playing around this time, that much you could tell. 

You looked into his eyes with equal intent. A glint of surprise passes through them for a split second before it disappears and something akin to proudness appears on them. It was certainly twisted, especially because you just don’t understand just why he was so obsessed with you. Had you known it was going to be like this, you would never have left him the way you did.

In some ways, you felt like you were responsible for his unnecessary fixation towards you, and knowing Seonghwa, he was never going to stop until you were completely in his possession.

“You know what I think?” Seonghwa began, his voice tethering the line between amusement and controlled rage. “I think you think that you know me.”

One of your hands fell to your sides as he let go, only for him to grab you by the hair, bunching them up in his wrists tightly as he yanked your head backwards. Pain bloomed in your scalp, but Seonghwa didn’t care. It was this moment where you actually feared him,  the real depth of his madness were finally starting to come to head as his patience was slowly thinning.

“I don't know whether to kill you or kiss you all over. Tell me, doveling, what do you think I should do?” Seonghwa said. His movement became frenzied in the simmering rage that was surfacing on his face. “There is no point in escaping when the cage has no door.”

You groaned when he jerked your head forward, then pushed it backwards, the back of your head hitting the wall. “Maybe this ought to help you, maybe this will wake you up, because clearly, nothing I do is worth your time,” he sneered, savouring the pain that registered in your eyes. “I give you everything, I feed you, dress you, love you, and this is what you repay me?”

“Hiding isn’t going to do anything for you, because I will always find you,” he continued, his words slow, deliberate, and threatening. “You think you can outsmart me, that if you stayed holed up in your room I won’t notice that you’re missing. Get this in your head.”

He leaned forward, his entire body closing in on you, wrapping you in the same darkness that swallowed the sentient part of his soul a long time ago.  "I love when people think they’re smarter than me,” his lips curled into a sick grin. “It makes the chase so much worth it.”

Something in his words sobers you up immediately. With all the strength left in you, you twisted away completely from his hold, pushing him away with a scream. You breathe in and out, just watching Seonghwa’s unimpressed gait, his fists still up. They held chunks of your hair, but you didn’t care.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You need help, Seonghwa,” you yelled in frustration, lifting your hand to tap aggressively on your head. “You are sick in the head, you delusional fuck, y-you’re…”

You trailed off, your emotions getting the best of you as they clogged up your throat. It might be wrong to talk back to him like this since it will make your situation worse, but you knew Seonghwa was done playing with you. He was slipping deeper and deeper in his delusions and there was no telling how far he’d go just to keep you.

Your heart bled, the pain in your scalp and the back of your head pounding, begging for attention. He has never been physical with you just to get what he wanted, he has gone too far now.

“You want to leave, don’t you?” Seonghwa asked softly, uncharacteristically soft compared to the crazed look in his eyes. He stepped forward, and at first, you thought he was going to corner you again, but instead, he leaned his back on the wall beside you, his head tilted upwards to stare at the ceiling. He turned his head to meet your eyes. “But you won’t. I won’t allow it. Now that I have you, I am not letting you go. Not now, not ever.”

You scoffed, but in truth, the way he said it posed fear in you. “That is not up to you. You cannot just imprison me and expect me to like you after this.”

“Oh, but I can,” he chuckled. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

He started to scoot closer, so close that you can smell his cologne that was mixed with the delusions that came along with it. It unsettled you, the only time you got close to him after you left him was when he was spreading your legs to bury himself in you whenever he’d ask you to go out for either coffee or drinks.

“You’re mine,” he said, more forceful than before. “Come on, say it. Say you’re mine. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you’ll feel better about it.”

“No,” you denied strongly with a hint of desperation in it. “I’m not yours anymore, Seonghwa, please. I just want to go home, let me go.”

He didn’t seem to hear you, that or he chose not to. A light laugh bubbled from his chest, but it wasn’t joyous - it was empty, like he was trying to convince himself that he was right and you weren’t. The two of you must’ve looked odd in the hallways, just leaning against the wall. However, to you, it felt like the hallways were crushing in on you.

“That’s the problem isn’t it? You don’t understand,” he said almost sympathetically, like he was telling these deranged things to you for your own good. You felt like you were going to get sick, it sounded more like an omen than anything else.

He was right - you didn’t. You didn’t want to understand, he could rot in hell for all you care. “Why me?” You whispered, hoarse and broken. It was the only genuine thing you wanted to know.

“Because,” he began, his hand reaching for you. His touch was cold. “When people see me, they think I’m this monster, they don’t understand,” he shook his head. “But you? You are the only one who knows what I’m truly capable of, the only one strong enough to take me as is. The only one who knows that I am actually a monster.”

It wasn’t the entire truth. Seonghwa stared at the fear in your eyes at his statement, he wanted to tell you the truth - that as messed up as it is, he just really genuinely loved you. Nothing about this was normal, but he was never going to tell you because he knew that you were never going to believe him.

The gaping hole you carved out of his heart was still there even though you were right in front of him, he would have loved you forever, and you didn’t understand that.

But that’s fine. He’ll make you, one way or another.

Your throat tightened, and despite everything in you screaming to run, you felt a tear slip down your cheek. His smile softened, and he wiped it away with a tenderness that was almost cruel.

“Seonghwa, this isn’t what you’re making it out to be, you are really unwell,” you pleaded. You hesitated, having no choice but to say the one thing that’s been weighing on you. “You have to move on, we are not meant to be. If you really loved me, you’d let me find another man to love, a normal one—-”

“I love you,” Seonghwa interrupted, the words coming out almost too quickly, exploding with the anger he was trying to repress. He glared at your face with an intensity that was borderline obsessive. “Is that not enough for you? How dare you mention another man in my presence?”

“That’s not what I said, and you know it,” you gasped, thick with terror, trying to remedy the situation.

He forced you to look at him. “So say it,” he hissed. His face twisted into something terrifying than anything you’ve seen. It was hurt, as though your refusal was the worst kind of betrayal for him.  “Say you’re mine, because I will never leave you alone if you don’t.”

It was a threat, his certainty in it wrapping like noose around your neck, but the answer was still the same. “N-No,” you shook your head in defiance, more firmly this time. “I never will be.”

It was what set him off, the calmness he faked shattering before your very eyes. His hand shot out to bang his fists on the wall beside you. The sudden bout of violence made you gasp in surprise. “Fuck, you’re really testing me here,” he seethed, no longer soft, just harsh and detrimental. “God, I know you still love me, you don’t get to pretend when I know.”

He leaned closer, his face twisted with fury. He was dangerous, and you had no way out. “I’ve let you run free for a while now, my patience is waning down. I only stretched it for you and even then there’s not much I can provide you. I even let you go when you told me that bullshit about breaking up, enough is enough now,” he spat bitterly. “Come back to me.”

His words felt like a slap to your face.The sickening feeling of his warm breath against your skin felt overwhelming and your body was rendered paralyzed. You didn’t say anything, you couldn’t, not when his words echoed in your head like a broken soundtrack.

“I’m not letting you go, you hear me?” Seonghwa continued, not caring if it sounded torturous to your ears, and certainly not caring that he was basically admitting that he will completely hold you against your will. “You’re going to take what I give you, and you’re going to like it.”

But you weren’t broken yet. You stared at him blankly, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing you break down no matter how furious he got. 

Seonghwa leaned in, pressing his forehead against yours. "I’m doing this for you. For us. But if you push me too far, I’m not going down alone," his voice hardened, just a little, enough to remind you of what lay beneath the surface. "It’ll hurt you, too."

The veins on his neck bulged as he held himself back when he realized you weren’t going to say anything. He really was controlling his anger, but barely.

“You will learn how to love me again,” his words were clipped as he uttered them, jaw tight and just on the edge of breaking. The air between the two of you cracked with tense energy. “No one else will love you like I do. I can’t live without you, but I will make sure that you cannot live without me, either. I’m not asking anymore.”

You didn’t understand what he was trying to tell you, but you were about to. His hands flexed slowly, his fingers stretching as if the need to reel in his rage was physically painful. He snapped them, his eyes not once leaving yours. “Get her,” he deadpanned.

Footsteps began to approach from behind you. It was, then, when hands started to restrain your form, completely immobilizing you. Rapid thoughts spun in your head, the weight of their hands oppressive. You tried to pull away in an attempt to break free, but their grip was just too strong. You stared wildly at Seonghwa, eyes widened as you screamed on the inside.

“You can’t leave,” he muttered, his voice cold and detached, full with promise. “I will do everything in my power to find you, because I will. And when I do, I will make sure you never, ever leave me again.”

He turned around, his back facing you with finality, the true madness of his love setting in your bones. “Take her away and lock the doors.”

“N-No, wait, you can’t do this,” you clenched your jaw, resisting the arms that gripped tight on yours as they tried to drag you away. “Seonghwa! No, please, Park Seonghwa, let me go!”

But you were dragged, anyway, from your tormentor. There was a sharp tug in your arm, the force of it so strong that it made you stumble. They didn’t even wait until you got your balance back, resorting to dragging your limp body.

Each step forward felt like you were walking towards a nightmare you had no control over, and when you reached the guest room, you realized that you knew one of the people who was leading you to your personal hell. You were pushed forward, and before the door shut, possibly forever, you called out to them.

“Wait, Wooyoung, please, wait,” you begged, quickly dashing towards the door to hold it open. “I really need to talk to you, please…”

His eyes held hesitation, but probably after seeing how distressed you were, he closed his eyes and let out the heaviest sigh known to mankind. He turns his head on the other person that dragged you, the rougher one. “Get lost,” he ordered, his face contorted into something intimidating.

But when he closed the door to lean on it, his eyes were the softest you have ever seen. It held sympathy and understanding for your situation, but you weren’t a fool - you knew his loyalties would always lie with Seonghwa.

“The majority of us were betting on your escape, you know?” Wooyoung looked up as he leaned against the doorframe, his hands on his back. “Seonghwa and you were perfect for each other, but that came with a price.”

“Wooyoung,” you sighed.

“Let me finish since I can’t be seen here,” his eyes were hooded as he put a finger on his lips to indicate the decrease of his voice. “Keep it down.“

He pointed at the earpiece he wore, one that everyone wore since Halazia was massive.  His face turned rigid with worry before he turned back to you. “Seonghwa just sent Yunho to the brig for a week.”

You paled, your jaw hanging low in shock. The brig. It was basically a glorified underground cell where they kept whomever they pleased. You wanted to tear up, Yunho went to your defense at the risk of being punished, but as always, Seonghwa knew everything.

The fact that he sent one of his closest friends from his personal team said a lot.

“You’re not going to get far in escape, not like before,” his voice was low, almost soothing like he was trying to calm you down and not make you feel trapped. “You are never going to make it far.” Wooyoung’s eyes turned sadder even further. “I-I can’t do anything to help you, I’m sorry.” You wanted badly to escape, you know he could see it in your eyes, but there was nothing he could do. You swallowed all the emotions that threatened to break you on the surface. “I can’t stay here,” you tried to convince him. “I don’t belong here, Wooyoung.”

“You don’t want to mess with Seonghwa,” he shook his head with equal conviction. “He’s my liege, and I cannot forsake him. He’s the greatest, most notorious criminal known yet, however, I think you underestimate how far he’ll go just to keep you,” he paused, hesitating. “I would very much like you to stay alive, Y/N.”

 Shivers traveled from the base of your spine to the tips of your scalp. “I don’t know what to do,” you squeaked, the defeat weighing down your body. “I don’t want to be his prisoner, I-I can’t live like this…”

He formed his lips into a thin line, his eyes softening as he started to walk towards you in small, careful steps. “I’m not going to pretend it’s alright, because it’s not,” he sat beside you on the bed, his weight dipping on the mattress. He had always been a friend to you. “It takes someone strong to be with Seonghwa, let alone deny him. This is the man that got whatever he wanted no matter how immoral it got. This isn’t the way, Y/N.”

You shook your head frantically, grabbing his hand to squeeze it. “Belonging to him, relinquishing my soul to him, you might as well gag me at that point.”

He put his other hand on top of yours, enveloping it with a much needed warmth that comforted you even though his eyes held pity. “You don’t have to belong to him,” he whispered, voice barely audible. “I’m asking you to stop fighting him.”

Your head snapped up to counteract his ridiculous claim, but he shook his head and continued. “Don’t you get it? There is no escaping him. He will find you even if you’re in the middle of God-knows-where,” he let out a sigh that seemed to carry a lot of burden in it. “I’m saying this for you, because there is no way out where he doesn’t hurt you.”

The finality of what’s been boggling your mind was crushing. You knew that there was no easy way out, but it still hurt to hear. “I’m not going to give up, even if it kills me,” you gritted your teeth, your determination setting fire in your guts.

“Y/N, please,” Wooyoung begged, squeezing your hand tighter. “For what is Yunho in the brig? For what did Jongho drive you away from here back then? And for what did I take Seonghwa’s punch when he realized I was distracting him? He’s not going to let you go, not now, especially not after everything.”

You shut your eyes tightly to reign in your oncoming migraine. “So, what? I’m just supposed to surrender and let him do anything to me? This isn’t love, it’s possession.”

“If you accept this,” he gulped with reluctance. “If you stop fighting, Seonghwa will go easy on you. It’s easier if you stop running.”

Wooyoung searched your eyes, hoping that he conveyed all the sincerity he could possibly offer you given the situation, but all you could see was the sadness and resignation - he didn’t believe in what he was saying, but he had no choice but to.

“Let it go, please,” he whispered, hoarse and defeated. “I’m not saying this for his sake, it’s for you. This will break you, Y/N.”

You shook your head once more. “I can’t give this up, I’m sorry. If I want the easy way out, I would stay here and just take it.”

His eyes sharpened, his brows furrowing into what resembled annoyance, but it still held the pity that Yunho had before you went inside the dresser. “I’m not asking you to give up,” he begged, anger and affection mixed into one. “I’m asking you to stop a battle you know you can’t win.”

You didn’t say anything after that, and his eyes dropped into accepting that you weren’t going to listen to anything he was saying. You’ve made up your mind. Heavy silence stretched between the two of you until, finally, Wooyoung got up to walk to the door. You can see him manually working on his well-crafted mask, but when he turned back to look at you, there was that softness underneath.

“You didn’t hear me say that three days from now, there will be a bust where Seonghwa has to be present, and you certainly didn’t hear from me that underneath your bed is a trapdoor that leads directly to the outdoor garden, one that Seonghwa doesn’t know,” he murmured. There were escape routes Seonghwa purposefully had no knowledge of in case he gets held as a hostage.

He opened the door to let himself out. “And I’m not telling you that Jongho will be waiting for you.”

You couldn’t wait for Seonghwa to leave, it was killing you to wait this long. He hasn’t bothered you at all, presumably because he was very angry at you, but more so since he was planning with the rest of his team, Ateez, about the so-called bust that they will do away from Halazia. In the meantime, you tried the door again. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Wooyoung, but you didn’t want to risk it. It might either be a trap, or he might get in trouble and accompany Yunho in the brig if Seonghwa finds out.

You jumped away from the door, your heart skipping a beat, when the doorknob you were tinkering with suddenly twisted and turned. You backed yourself back on the bed as your door creaked open to reveal someone you weren’t pleased to see.

Mingi stood by the doorway, staring at you in amusement, his eyes flickering between you and the doorknob. You internally cursed, you knew you had been caught. He was most likely outside guarding the door when you tried it. “Just when I thought you couldn’t be stupid enough,” he smirked, mildly annoyed. “Why are you trying to run away again? You just never learn, do you?”

You weren’t expecting to see him, in fact, you were surprised that he was put on guard duty. That was probably why he was pissed. Frankly, Mingi terrified you. He was just one of those members that openly showed his dislike towards you. His presence constantly reminded you of your captivity.

“Don’t project yourself on me,” you scoffed, riling him up. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you nervous. “Seonghwa put you on babysit duty. You must hate that.”

He laughed. “I suppose I see the appeal of why Seonghwa has been obsessed with you,” he mockingly tilted his head. “Stop trying, you have zero chance of leaving. Not while I’m here.”

“I’m not your prisoner,” you shot back, clenching your fists to your side. “He can claim me all he wants or force me, but I’m never going to belong to him like a doll. And you are, too.”

His eyes twitched in annoyance, stalking towards you, his arms still crossed. He leaned forward, making you back up in apprehension. “That may be so,” he chuckled darkly. “But I’m not the one who is caged like a fucking bird right now.” "You think you can just run off like this?" Mingi continued, his voice low, his eyes glinting with amusement. "You really believe you have a chance?" 

Mingi leaned away with a satisfied smirk, his arrogance and cruel enjoyment of your struggle really coming through. He was trying to break your resolve with his words, trying to make you believe that escaping is futile, when in reality, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Your hands clenched to your sides, controlling your urge to sock Mingi directly in the face not because you were scared to hurt him, but because you were scared that he’ll hit back. “That’s not going to stop me from trying, you brute.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will,” he waved off, backing away towards the door again. “But the thing is,” he paused to taunt you. “You’re not as clever as you think you are. Even if you get past me, you’ll have to get past Yeosang after.”

You paled, your nerves setting your insides on fire. Yeosang wasn’t nearly as infuriating as Mingi, but he was equally as loyal and cruel.

You had to leave now.

“Anyway,” Mingi turned the doorknob to leave, but not without glancing back at you with a sneer. “I will admit, you have balls for leaving him the first time, but Seonghwa already made up his mind this time. He won’t let you go, so I suggest you accept that now.”

And then he left. You glanced at the spot where Wooyoung told you that there would be a door. Truth be told, you haven’t checked yet; you were terrified that Seonghwa was going to walk in any minute and decide to put you somewhere else. 

But there was no time to waste. You waited half an hour to make sure that Mingi wasn’t hanging around before you grabbed a blanket to slide under the feet of the bed to prevent any sounds before pushing it away enough for you to crawl underneath it with ease, and lo and behold. Your mouth felt dry as you stared at the handle of the trapdoor that could potentially lead you to your freedom.

You closed your eyes, praying that there truly was freedom on the other side, that Wooyoung would be safe, and that Yunho wouldn’t stay in the brig for too long. And after this, you will be gone forever.

Waiting until midnight would be the best option for you. Granted, it would also be the time where Seonghwa’s guards would be more alert, but it was a safer bet than somebody potentially walking in the room and chasing you down the trapdoor. Shivers crept up your spine at the thought of getting dragged back.

The silence was killing you, but your thoughts completely annihilated your sanity. You could just picture Seonghwa’s face etched with fury as he realized that you had, once more, escaped under his nose. But you also couldn’t help but think of the hurt that shone in his eyes. All he wanted was you, and you couldn’t fully fault his deranged mind, but you wanted to be free.

As you knelt to grasp the handle the moment that midnight striked, your breaths turned shallow and laboured. You gulped, willing the tremors from your fingertips to go away. You couldn’t falter, not now. With a jolt of adrenaline, you pulled it open, wincing as it creaked, which was a telltale sign of prolonged unuse. You just hoped no one heard it.

You released a breath you were holding when it revealed a ladder that led down, and that there was a dim light illuminating bits of the wooden ladder. That meant that you were nearer the exit than you thought you were.

A faint noise outside your door makes you freeze. You swiftly glanced at the direction, waiting for the moment that Seonghwa would burst in and see you holding a halfway opened trapdoor, but nothing. 

Without another thought, you quickly jumped into action, going down the ladder, your foot hitting the first step as your hand slowly closed the tradoor above you. The moment you did, there was slight relief that coated your chest, it was one step to freedom after all.

It wasn’t fully dark in the damp passageway, the concrete was still visible from where you were walking as that faint light from the exit shone on it as if it was guiding you to your freedom. 

When you were sure you were far from where you came from, you broke into a sprint, running literally for your life. Your legs screamed in protest, not used to exerting energy from the weeks that Seonghwa held you captive, but you didn’t stop. You were scared that he’ll catch and snatch you from behind.

But that didn’t happen. After what felt like an eternity, the passageway began to narrow until you hit a deadend with another ladder, only this time, it led above. Your desperation was hitting you at an all time high - you climbed the ladder without any hesitation, not even stopping to think if there was someone potentially dangerous waiting for you on the other side.

Before you were even fully out, hands were already pulling you out from your armpits until you hit a hard chest. When you looked up, a sigh of relief escaped from your chest. 

“Jongho,” you whispered, your voice cracking at the solace that his presence had brought you. Wooyoung had not been lying. 

Your heart pounded in your chest. It wasn’t like Seonghwa wasn’t going to find out, because he will, but you hoped that Wooyoung and Jongho will be able to buy themselves sometime before then.

“We have to hurry, there’s not much time left,” he hastily pulled you in a run, his voice strained with panic as he kept looking behind him. “There will be guards stationed here in less than five minutes, we have to get to the car by then.”

Your face paled, but you forced yourself to nod, anyway, working your muscles to pick the pace to match Jongho’s, but it was getting difficult. “Are you going to be okay?” You asked, panting hard.

Jongho’s hand held your arm as he practically pushed you forward, shaking his head. “I told San that I was going to check the other side of the property and station on it for a while. It should be enough for me to drive you to your place, but it will be tight.”

“We’re not going to make it,” you panicked, calculating everything in your head and visualizing the outcome.

His jaw set into a hard line and before you could say anything else, he stopped, shoved you behind him, and squatted down. “Hurry,” he barked a command. “Climb on my back, it’ll be faster.”

You hesitated, your nerves getting the best of you, and he could tell. “Climb! Hurry, please!” Jongho hissed, eyes widened in pure panic, as he flailed his arms to gesture for you. 

It was the best course of action. Whether it was the adrenaline or the sheer terror of the situation, Jongho had a burst of strength that allowed him to reach the car faster than it would’ve taken both of you had it not been for his fast thinking. He quickly opens the door to practically shove you inside it before slamming it close, and before you knew it, you were driving away.

The drive back to your apartment was tense. Jongho instructed you to pack as little as possible. Yunho had suggested that they take you to the motel that was on the enemy’s territory. It wasn’t foolproof, but it would lessen the odds of Seonghwa finding you faster before you could fully get away. Even Seonghwa didn’t mess with another mafia’s territory.

“I can’t check you in,” Jongho said as he parked in front of the said motel. “They will recognize me. Use cash from now on, Seonghwa will be able to trace your cards.”

You felt a rush of emotions, a mixture of gratitude and regret. Seonghwa will punish him when he goes back, you could see the small fear behind Jongho’s eyes. You bit your lips, leaning in on his space before pulling him into a tight embrace. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” you sniffled, tears pooling in your eyes. 

He pulled you away to stare at you. “I had a promise to you back then,” he said, softness in his eyes. You were the one who got Jongho a ‘job’ at Seonghwa’s manor after you found him homeless one day. He promised you his life then and there. You didn’t know he’d be a ruthless killer one day.

He held you by the shoulders, pushing you away slightly. “Now go, and please, do not let me see you again.”

With one more grateful nod, you walked away without looking back. Jongho sighed, he really hoped you made the most out of tonight. It was basically a suicide mission for him.

The drive back to the manor was the most tense he has ever felt. By now, he was sure that Seonghwa knew that you were gone by now, the only reason why he was still breathing was because he wouldn’t find out yet that he helped you do the impossible. Time was the enemy. 

And he was right. The moment he got out of the car, voices in his in-ear comms were calling everyone to Seonghwa’s office for an emergency meeting. Jongho took deep, calculated breaths, practicing the mask that he was taught before going in to face everybody as if nothing had happened. 

Wooyoung hastily approached him, grabbing his arm to lag behind everybody as he leaned his body towards him. “Success?” He asked tentatively as quietly as possible. Jongho raised a brow in confirmation, not wanting to move anything else for the fear of someone listening in.

The air in the office was thick, everyone piled in one by one in random spots. Personally for Jongho, he always preferred being near the exit, but he had to stick with Wooyoung this time.

Seonghwa was just standing in front of his desk, arms crossed as he watched everyone with his sharp eyes. That was the thing with him; he never needed to shout nor demand, he was just naturally intimidating. His presence was suffocating, his eyes eerily calm.

He’d be a fool if he said he wasn’t expecting this, like Seonghwa had said once, you were the only one strong enough to match his flame. He knew that there would be a time that you’d escape again, but he wasn’t expecting it to come sooner. 

“Someone messed up,” he said softly, too softly. He gazes at them one by one, none of them meeting his eye. “One of you fucked up.”

Jongho tentatively watched as everyone shifted with unease. Mingi and Yeosang shared a tense glance, but he resisted the urge to jump back when he saw that San was already staring at him with suspicion. He gulped, holding eye contact, anyway.

Hongjoong, ever the calm one, steps forward, the edge of his voice betraying his unease. “I’m sure she hasn’t gotten far—”

“Stop,” Seonghwa’s voice was even quieter this time, but it was the type of quiet that made everyone’s back stiffen. He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he leaned away from the table to walk past everyone. His expression was unreadable, but Jongho didn’t want to guess what he was thinking.

For a while, he doesn’t say anything. The silence in the room screamed louder than any rage could, and for once, everyone wished he would just burst out. This calm, quiet fury was more petrifying. Seonghwa wasn’t angry - not yet. 

San looks away from Jongho, sensing the shift, and speaks up with Hongjoong. “We’ve already checked the perimeter…”

San faltered when Seonghwa cut him off with a single glance, shifting uncomfortably when his boss didn't even acknowledge him, lest you count the slow nodding of his head. It was the only indicator of his thoughts, minus the tight clenching of his fists on his chest. 

“Find her,” Seonghwa murmured, his words clipped and deliberate. “And find her quickly.”

Jongho felt Wooyoung shift forward. He wanted to stop him, but that would raise suspicion so he just bit his lip. “We might not be able to this time,” Wooyoung cleared his throat. “We might fail.”

“Your incompetence doesn’t constitute understanding on my end,” Seonghwa said, stepping in front of them so his back was turned towards everybody else. “So don’t fail me.”

Jongho’s heart dropped to his foot when Seonghwa passed him a fleeting glance, a small smirk painted on his lips before he turned back around again. Seonghwa knew, he fucking knew.

“Boss,” Mingi called out. “Don’t you think maybe this is a sign to not let Y/N back?”

The room suddenly turned cold, the silence of his statement almost deafening to everyone’s ears. Seonghwa raised a brow in challenge. “And why is that, my dear Mingi?”

“My loyalties lie with you, my liege,” Mingi spoke, his tone cautious since he knew he was treading on thin ice. “Y/N is a distraction to the operation.”

Everyone held their breath, the tension was undeniable. Seonghwa’s eyes narrow, his pupils dilating ever so slightly as his lips form into a tight, thin line. “I had no idea you’ve gone senile,” he said. “But I respect the audacity.”

In a split second, Seonghwa’s fist connects with Mingi’s guts. The taller groan in surprise, coughing in agony as he clutched his stomach in pain. “Now, now Mingi, you can’t just dish out something and not learn how to take it,” Seonghwa chuckled darkly, tapping the latter on his cheek mockingly.

“You said you respected it,” Mingi coughed out some more.

“I do, as a matter of fact, I do respect you a lot now. But I didn’t say I wouldn’t harm any of you.”

The threat hangs around the air, looming heavily upon them. ”We’ll find her,” Yeosang spoke for the first time, his tone full of promise.

They were used to this side of Seonghwa, but tonight, there was something slightly different about the rage that brewed in his eyes. His patience was what truly made him terrifying, this was true power; something you had never seen since Seonghwa made sure not to. 

“You better,” he simply said. “Or your loyalty won’t be enough to save any of you. One more word about Y/N, I will put the fear of God in all of you. Now, get out.”

No one wasted any time scurrying out the room as if it was on fire. The moment the door shuts behind them, Seonghwa’s calm shatters. 

His rage boils over, and with a single swipe of his hand, papers that were neatly placed on his desk all fall on the floor, shattering the nearby picture frame that held your face. The sound of crashing glass rings through his office.

Seonghwa bangs his hands on the desk, his breaths coming in rugged and raw. When he saw the broken picture frame, like a man possessed, he smashes it further with a solid step of his foot over and over again. The glass shatters completely, it rains down like the shards of his crumbling control. 

“You fucking,” he forcefully brings his fists down on the picture frame, not caring for the glass shards that punctured his skin. “Bitch.” 

“Fuck,” he hissed, the walls shaking as he kicked the nearby cabinet that contained some of his whiskey bottles. He doesn’t care as the slew of expensive bottles came crashing towards the floor. “Fuck!”

The sound of it made everybody freeze from outside the door. Wooyoung’s knuckles turned white behind his hands as he winced at the loud bang from inside the room. “Should we, uhm,” he started, not daring to finish his sentence.

Yeosang’s eyes widened. “We have to stop him before he—”

“No,” Hongjoong snapped sharply. “Are you crazy? You do not want to go in there.”

Another crash sounds, and Jongho’s jaw tightens. He was glad you weren’t here, because this was the worst Seonghwa has ever been with his rage. He watched MIngi’s eyes tick at the next serieses of growls and roars from Seonghwa.

The stay at the motel was the most peaceful yet tense four days of your life. You couldn’t sleep properly at night, half expecting someone in the middle of the day to burst in and just drag you back to Halazia where Seonghwa would be waiting to imprison you again.

You couldn’t stay there anymore, and that’s why you were on your way to the bus station to finally get away. You already talked to one of your sisters, Jinhee, who called you in a panic the other morning when someone was apparently inconspicuously looking for you. You both decided to stay at your other sister’s place, but Jinah wasn’t answering when you tried to call.

The bus stop was quiet, something you appreciated for once given your hectic life track as of late. Your thoughts were a mess, but you were hopeful for peace the moment you got on the bus.

You tried to look for somewhere to sit while you waited, but the nearest one had somebody seated on it. He wore a dark hat that obscured his face, not that it mattered since the newspaper he held and read covered his entire face, anyway.

You hesitated, strange unease settling in the pit of your stomach. You shook it off, choosing to sit at the far corner of the bench to avoid interaction, convincing yourself that it was probably just the nerves making you paranoid.

“Chilly day,” the man started casually all of a sudden. His voice was rich in timbre, and it sounded familiar. “Autumn’s slowly catching up now, isn’t it?”

Your heart rate picked up a notch, taken aback by the unwarranted small talk. You glanced in his direction briefly, that dread spreading through your veins, and now that you thought about it, he sounded oddly familiar.

“Yeah,” you forced out a reply, not willing to engage, trying your best to calm down. After all this, you just couldn’t shake the bad feeling in your chest.

“Traveling far? I’d say it’s dangerous for a young lady like you,” he commented, adjusting himself to scoot closer to you.

Alarm bells went off your head as you felt your skin prickle with the attention. You wanted to say that it was none of his business, and now that you listened closer, he didn’t even sound that old, either. “Sure,” you said quickly. “Just want to get away from this city.”

“Good idea,” he chuckled, shuffling the newspaper and folding it away from his face. “I mean, if people were chasing me from hell under, I would run far, far away as well, but you see…”

Your breath was completely snuffed out of your lungs when the man took the hat off of his face, his head turning towards you with a slow, amused smile. “Like we all said, there was no point in running, Y/N,” San’s voice dropped into a whisper. “I like you, Y/N, I really do, but you are one stubborn girl. He does care for you, you know? It’s sick and obsessive, but he does. And now all he wants to do is hurt you.”

Your froze, your blood hardening into ice. The panic hit you like a tidal wave, where had you gone wrong? You made sure to do everything that Jongho told you to do, made sure that you left no traces of yourself, so how? You felt so stupid for not recognizing San so fast.

You shoved yourself up from the bench, but before you could take a step, his hand shot out, grabbing your wrist with a vice-like grip. “Not so fast,” he murmured, his voice cold now, his earlier casualness gone.

You yanked your arm, but he only tightened his hold. “We’re going back,” he said, his tone final. “And you’re not getting away this time. Unless, you want all the people in here jeopardized,” he gestured his hand all over the station. “Look closer.”

Every instinct screaming at you to run, to fight, to do something, but when you looked around, something didn’t feel right, and then you saw them.

Shivers went up your spine as you recognized some of Seonghwa’s men blended into the crowd like normal people. They were planted, hidden in plain sight, like the briefest flash of the gun tucked in their pants that you knew by now how to spot. They were willing to endanger the people around you just to take you.

It was over. You had no choice but to follow San as he escorted you to the car, the door shutting with a sickening finality. This was the worst case scenario, you’d rather have Mingi because as much of a brute he was, you could predict his actions, with San, you never knew what he was thinking.

Angry tears of shame and sorrow began flowing from your eyes. You knew that this was it for you, your second chance had flown away. Seonghwa and his men had no mercy, and now you’re learning that the hard way.

San wasted no time dragging you out of the car towards your apartment, to your surprise,, but you no longer cared about him, it was Seonghwa that you feared - always had. You could feel it even before you saw him; Seonghwa’s constricting presence was always controlled but deadly.

You were shoved inside the familiar space of your living room, and you didn’t even have to look up to know that he was there, you could just feel him. His power, his rage, hung in the air like thick smoke.

Seonghwa was at the other side of the room, his gaze meeting yours, steady and unwavering. You swallowed your nerves, but there was no point. He just stared at you without any anger or frustration in his face, and perhaps, that was the worst part in all of this. You knew him well enough to see through his well-crafted mask.

You opened your mouth to say something - anything - but what would you say? There was no way you were going to apologize or make any excuses, but the silence was unbearable. Seonghwa wasn’t going to break it anytime soon, but he had no need to. His judging eyes were enough to make you weak in the knees.

He began to walk forward, the clacking of his shoes beneath his feet loud enough to make you wince, and when he reached you, he made no move to touch you like he always did. He did nothing.

Nothing, except hand you a lighter for you to take. “Light it up,” he spoke.

His words were quiet, but there was no mistaking that command in it. Your hands were shaking, having difficulty flicking the lighter open, and it certainly didn’t help that Seonghwa was staring you down. Though you currently hated him, you were careful not to burn his face as your hand neared the cigarette trapped between his lips.

“Open.”

He wasn’t asking, he was instructing. You froze at the implication and everything instinct in you screamed for you to run and resist, but you leaned in as he inhaled deeply before taking the stick out of his mouth and blowing the smoke into yours. The taste of it was raw and bitter, it curled into your lungs along with something else; something that sent a rush of heat towards your chest at the intimacy.

For a while, he didn’t say anything, and you wished that it remained that way even though you were scared that the control he held of himself was going to shatter. “You think you can walk away from me?” Seonghwa finally spoke again, his voice low, still calm, but it cut through the silence like a blade. “Open.”

It was difficult, but you managed not to cough your lungs out at the heavy puff of smoke that almost made you want to gag. But Seonghwa didn’t care. “Keep your trap open until I tell you to close them,” he ordered with a low snarl.

You did as told, the fear completely paralyzing you. His voice was still controlled, his rage was held so tightly within him that it was like the room was vibrating with the power of it. Tears pooled from the corners of your eyes as Seonghwa still blew, and finally, he threw the cigarette butt away somewhere in the middle of the destruction.

“That’s a good girl,” he chuckled darkly. You yelped when he held your jaw tightly in his hand. “Why can’t you be this obedient all the fucking time?”

His grip tightened, not with the frantic violence of someone losing control, but with the calm, methodical pressure of someone who knew exactly how far they could push before breaking someone completely. "Why can’t you behave, huh? Why?"

You faltered, absolutely not liking the way that sounded in your head. You crossed your arms, the fear you had for him completely fizzing out and dying in your chest. “Now, hold on just a second,” you seethed, all the stress of running away and getting caught chasing your filter away.

Seonghwa’s brow raised. It certainly made him curious, so he let you continue. “Seonghwa, you practically kidnapped me with the notion of letting me go afterwards, and when I try to get away from this hell, you drag me down with you. Did you honestly think that I'm a possession you can cling to?”

You were definitely digging your grave deeper and deeper the more you opened your mouth, but you couldn’t take it anymore. All the hurt, the anxiety, the waiting for when Seongha will finally snap was driving you to the wall. You didn’t know how to carry all of this burden alone.

You took a step forward in a burst of confidence, jutting your finger on his chest and prodding him with it like a child. “Enough is enough, Seonghwa,” you said, your voice low and firm. “We were through, we aren’t together anymore. I don’t belong to you, and I sure as hell don’t want to belong to you anymore.”

He clenched his fists, a flicker of hurt crossing his face. Seonghwa opened his mouth to argue like you knew he would, but you cut him off, your voice stronger than you’ve ever heard it before as you finally stood up to him and stood your ground. “I’ve had enough of you trying to cage me like an animal, you sick fuck. You don’t get to suffocate me with your obsession, you don’t get to decide how I fucking live, breath, and exist.”

Tears stung your eyes. They were a mixture of rage and betrayal. The weight of it all was finally breaking through. “You don’t get to guilt me for wanting to live my life, especially without you, why can’t you understand?”

For a moment, Seonghwa’s gaze softened, as if he was finally looking through you for the first time in a while in a different light. He tentatively raised a hand to hold onto you, and his intentions were pure this time as his hand hovered in the air,  but he flinched when you yanked your arm away sharply.

It was too late, you didn’t need that. There was guilt written all over his face, had he really gone too far this time?

“You were never really here for me,” you continued, shaking your head bitterly.

You were done. Done being scared of him, done of losing yourself because of him. Done loving him. “You want to keep a convoluted version of me that you formed in your head, that one that would just stay and follow your every whim, but that’s not who I am, Seonghwa.”

He stood frozen in his spot, his chest caving in as guilt made its way to his heart. He had never intended to fully hurt you, to make you feel that way you did, and for that, he was sorry to a certain extent. Seonghwa’s hand trembled, his palms slick with sweat as angry tears flew down your pretty face. He almost felt bad for you.

Almost.

“The thing I regret the most is you, Seonghwa,” you whispered firmly, but thick with emotion. “I regret ever meeting you and what happened after, but most of all, I regret not leaving you sooner.”

His eyes dropped, the weight of your words crushing his form. “Don’t say that,” he muttered, his voice shaky. His shoulders were slumped, a far cry from his angry and straight they were when you arrived. “I just,” he paused, closing his eyes to take a deep breath. “As fucked up as this is, I do love you, I still do.”

Your breath hitched at your words. “No, Seonghwa. You don’t know what love is, and even if you do, you love me a bit too much that you’re not allowing me to leave a little for myself because you want it all.”

“But, don’t say that you regret everything,” he said exasperatedly. “I loved you with all that I have, I will continue that until I cease to exist. Remember when we went on that trip where you told me you finally loved me, too? Or when we both would stay up all night to watch the stars while we talked about our future?”

He held your hands, almost desperately, as his words  just spilled out from him without thinking. “Those were real, that was us, and you might not believe me, but I swear on Ateez those were all true. You can’t deny them.”

It was true that you and Seonghwa had good moments where you wanted them to last forever, but they felt distant, like a fleeting dream that never happened. “I don’t regret our moments,” you pulled your hands away. “I regret that you twisted them into something dark.”

You wanted to deny what he said to make him feel a fraction of all the hardships he had brought upon you, but you couldn’t. Just like his actions, you could never take back your words. I did the right thing, you thought, your heart aching as you stared at the lone tear that fell from Seonghwa’s eye. 

He wasn’t the only one. You weren’t ready to let go either, but this was a start. It was a truth you weren’t going to admit to his face. You were in love with Park Seonghwa, and you couldn’t breathe because you always will be, but love wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. Love can never be designed.

Seonghwa stiffened, his mind reeling with all the things you’ve finally let out for him to hear. I regret everything. It echoed like a broken record in his head, and yet, a part of him couldn’t let go. He shook his head, trying to reel in his thoughts before they no longer became his, trying to pull in the beast that was threatening to break free from his mind.

But your words reverberated in his skull, the pressure building on it from the suffocating guilt that covered his head. He didn’t want to hurt you anymore, but it was too late.The realization was like a punch to his gut, and he had no one to blame but himself.

You watched him fight his demons, slight fear coming back into your chest, but you waited to see what he’s going to do. 

Seonghwa’s breathing became ragged and laboured as he tried to massage his temples into coherency. Why didn’t he just let you the first time? No, he was doing what he thought was right, because his all-consuming love needed you so much. His mind grew darker and before he could lash out, he walked away from you and turned around.

For a long moment, silence filled the room. You watched Seonghwa try and compose himself, his hands shaking repeatedly while his head shook back and forth. It was like Seonghwa was actively trying to cast out and fight the demons that tried to possess his soul before it could completely take over him.

But when he turned around, the look in his eyes told you that it was too late. Seonghwa knew it was too late, he had done too much, the only way to move was forward.

“I want to kill you,” he softly admitted. “To finally stop your ghost from haunting me. But I can’t live without you.”

The confession left a painful tightness in your throat, but you remained strong and steadfast. You weren’t even angry anymore, you were just tired of him walking over you. “You’ve gone mad,” you stated. “Scaring me isn’t the way to go about this.”

“It is better to be feared than loved, if I cannot have both,” he replied rhetorically, digging into the waist of his pants to pull out a pistol. He stood there, not lifting it yet, but the way he gripped the cold metal of the gun had you trembling in your spot.

You didn’t move - you couldn’t move. Seonghwa’s guilt mixed with his anger, twisting his mind into something else. He never lost control like this, but he had also never felt his heart break into a million pieces like this.

The gun shook in his hand, the barrel still aimed at the floor. It was wrong and he knew it, but you were his everything, and now, not only were you walking away from him, but you were completely disintegrating in his head into nothing but somebody that he used to know. 

“Seonghwa,” you whispered, barely audible from the demons that screamed in your own head. “Don’t make me leave like this, please, put the gun down.”

He didn’t move, didn’t say anything. It was worse than you thought, his mind was far more gone than you thought possible. You continued, swallowing your nerves down, more than ready to plead for your life. “Please, Seonghwa. I’m no one, just L/N Y/N, a 27-year old nobody,” your voice cracked.

Your legs finally gave out and you chose to sit on the floor. You looked up at him, putting your hands up like some sort of Hail Mary. “I was a nobody you stumbled upon in that restaurant, I was born in a dinky little town you had no idea existed. My parents are both teachers, and I have two sisters. Please Seonghwa, I haven’t done anything at all in this life, I haven’t lived, I’ve barely just begun, please, I haven’t finished anything at all.”

You sniffled, trying to keep your tears at bay. “D-Don’t kill me,” you pleaded. “I don’t want to die.”

Seonghwa contemplates. You practically watched the gears in Seonghwa’s head turn, his mind racing in a frantic spiral. You were surprised when he gave you the gun, grabbing your hand ro wrap it around the handle, kneeling down to your level on the floor, and pointed the barrel at himself, the tip pressing on his forehead.

“If you shoot me, what will you leave behind?” Seonghwa asked.

Your heart twisted violently at the odd question. It was more cruel than pointing the gun at you, because you knew that your answer would be dependent on whether you will live or not.

“A world without you,” you answered without hesitation.

You couldn't take Seonghwa's unnecessary obsession with you anymore. Seonghwa stared at you, his brows furrowing as he internalized the answer that you gave him.

"Go ahead and shoot, dove," Seonghwa said. "It's the only way you'll ever be free of me."

You stood frozen in your spot, the gun feeling cold in your hands. You've dreamt of this for so long, about completely ridding yourself of Seonghwa so you could get back the freedom he had stolen from you a long time ago. He looked vulnerable and open, while you were given a chance to make that dream come true.

And yet, you couldn't do it.

And Seonghwa knew you couldn't do it. He smirked. You screamed, a pitiful attempt at it, as he dismantled you and grabbed the gun back, only this time, it was pointing at you, instead. "You could have pulled the trigger and painted the walls with my brain," he taunted, cocking the safety lever. "Let's play a game of Russian Roulette."

"What's that going to accomplish?"

"If you give me a minute, I could change your mind," he shrugged. "But if you give me a bullet, I could change your life."

Seonghwa points a gun at your face, point blank, the nozzle pressing down your forehead. "What say you, Y/N?"

He was crazy. You closed your eyes, resigning to your fate. Seonghwa pulls the trigger, and then nothing. You couldn’t believe it, but still, you heaved a sigh of relief. You should have known that the gun was empty.

When you opened your eyes again, Seonghwa was livid. You release a cry that you've been holding. He grabbed your head, furious. "The love I'm willing to give you terrifies you, but death doesn't?”

This was it. It was this moment that will forever haunt you, because this was the moment that you knew something in Seonghwa had snapped.

Your breath got caught in your throat, the reality of the situation sinking in on you. His eyes gleamed with insanity, his pupils dilated with something wild and manic, and the feverish look in them twisted with madness that made your blood run cold. There was nothing human about it. Seonghwa was beyond saving.

“You’re scaring me, Seonghwa, please, let go,” you trembled in his grip, but he didn’t even notice. He was so lost.

“You think love is supposed to be sweet, gentle, or some other bullshit that’s supposed to feel good?” Seonghwa gnarled with unsettling fervor, nails digging into your skin. He shook his head violently. “No, it’s supposed to be consuming, something that takes everything. Just like what you’ve taken from me.”

“I didn’t take anything from you,” you thrashed around from his grip when his other hand held your hips to settle you, not caring if he scratched you at this point with the other. “S-Seonghwa, stop it!”

At the height of your desperation, you collapsed onto the floor with him, it was how hard he was gripping your waist as he tried to run away. His hands slam onto the ground when he ended up underneath him, but what truly horrified you was when he threw his head back and started laughing out loud. It was no longer the laugh of a regular person, the sound of it was shrill, hollow, and maddened. “Let me explain something to you,” he gritted his teeth, leaning down. “Love can be nurtured and rebuilt. It’s a pathetic attempt to construct something out of nothing, and I will dismantle and reshape yours until you look at me with the same love you used to look at me with before you—”

Your hand flew to his face before you could think, slapping his cheek with such force the crack of it was so loud against the room. You were horrified, you didn’t mean to hurt him, but the idea of what he was saying just sickened you because love can’t be molded from blood and pain. Seonghwa’s eyes darted towards yours, and for a split second, he looked betrayed.

That is, until his face contorted into something grotesque, and he grabbed your hands. You paled, because he started banging his head on your fists violently as he screamed, a horrible primal sound that came from within his guts.

“No, no, no!” Seonghwa bellowed like a madman. “I just want you to love me—”

“Seonghwa, stop it, stop!” You screamed, trying to pry your hands back from him because you were genuinely scared now, not even caring that your hands were hurting really bad from the hardness of his head.

“Stop!”

He paused, eyes bulged with fury. He lets go of your hands and you let them fall to your sides as you watch him get off of you to drop on his knees and bang his fists on your wooden floor. “I can’t take this anymore,” his breath came in jagged rasps. “I”m not crazy, fuck. Fucking hell, Y/N. I just want you.”

He broke down. You sat down, completely scooting away from him, watching as his tears fell down. His sobs, you were terrified of how guttural and broken they sounded. It was the image of a man who had lost his mind so long ago. “How can you do this to me?” Seonghwa growled through his tears. “This is the second time you left me, how can you fucking do this to me?”

His forehead was pressed against the unforgiving surface of the floor. His sobs were quiet at first, and it did hurt to hear. You clearly weren’t the only one suffering whether it was wrong or right. Soon enough, his cries became louder, more devastatingly raw, and more desperate.

Against your better judgment, you not only felt fear for yourself, but for Seonghwa as well. A split second of thought passes through you, had you made him like this? You knew that wasn’t the case, but as you stared at the tremors that shook his entire frame, you couldn’t help but think that you had some sort of part in this.

This wasn’t Seonghwa, what had become of the man you used to love?

Your heart pounded in your chest when his gaze met yours. You didn’t even have time to scream as he charged towards you to grip your shoulders. “Love me,” Seonghwa grinned, teeth bared, eyes widened with insanity. “That should fix this, love me once more, pretty dove. Be mine again.”

“You don’t know what you want,” you back up, terror seeping in your bones. 

“No, you don’t understand,” he grabbed your shoulders tighter and a yelp slipped your lips. He tightened his hold, his eyes widening a bit more that he resembled a mental asylum patient. ”Love me.”

Tears fall down your eyes in sheer horror. Seonghwa bites his lips, groaning in pleasure at your scared display. You flinched when the back of his shaking hands tried to caress your cheeks. 

It was a mistake. His eyes squint dangerously, yet his lips still remained in that disturbed smile, frozen in his face perpetually. “Seonghwa, please, you’re scaring me—-“

“I love you so much, dove,” he cooed mockingly. His fists bunched up your hair in a tight bun and pulled on your head. “Why is it so fucking difficult for you to love me back?”

Pitiful screams erupt from your mouth as Seonghwa rattled your head around, as if doing so would make you change your mind. Your hands tried to pry his hands, the pain on your scalp blooming bigger. “Seonghwa, s-stop, please! Please!”

To your utter surprise, amidst your dizziness, he does stop. Your eyes were nearly rolling behind your head and if he didn’t stop, you might have thrown up. His tear-streaked, bloodshot eyes emphasized the current state of his mind as he cradles your face in between his hands almost lovingly,

Almost. It felt infantilizing. It made you sick.

“Are you going to love me now?” Seonghwa asked one more time, his eyes flicking between tenderness and madness. “Do you fucking love me now?”

A strained whimper escapes your throat, a choked out cry accompanying it. It was a sick symphony; a travesty made worse when Seonghwa leaned in until his lips were touching the shell of your ear.

"Tell me you love me," he ordered, his voice deceptively soft.  "I might do something you and I will both regret if you don't."

You swallowed, quivering with intense dread. Your knees threatened to buckle under all the weight of what Seonghwa was demanding of you at this very moment. "I-I love you, please..."

You held your breath when Seonghwa put his fingers on either side of your mouth, stretching them sideways to give the illusion that you were actually smiling. It was something straight out of a horror film, your tears wouldn't stop falling as he literally forced a smile out of you.

"That wasn't so hard, wasn't it? You did it," he praised, stroking your hair gently like he wasn't doing anything wrong. To be fair, in his mind, he wasn't doing anything wrong.

You jumped when he suddenly grabbed your chin and squeezed your cheeks together. It was slightly painful, and it elicited a pained groan from you. "But, I don’t believe you."

He pushed your face away with such a force, your head snapped to the side. It was when your legs lost their strength and you crumpled to the ground in one heap of a mess. And you knew deep in your heart, Seonghwa’s show of cruelty wasn’t what was truly crushing you.

The most painful thing about all of this was that despite all of this insanity, despite all the chaos and madness, was that you weren’t lying - you still loved Seonghwa. You still loved him with every fiber of your being.

True imprisonment wasn’t him forcing you into a room and locking you in and not letting you go until he was satisfied, it was all these feelings trapped in your heart even if it threatened to tear you apart. Seonghwa was not a good person, he was a monster, yet the love still lingered, clinging to you like a disease.

This pain in your heart, it was the proof that you still loved him. And that is the worst of it, you knew better than this.

Finally, something in Seonghwa’s chest began to lift as he stared at your pitiful form. When he closed his eyes, for what felt like an eternity, images of your smile filled his head. For a moment, he was filled with the love he felt for you for the first time, that pureness before it got tainted with something dark.

“I’ll let you go,” he whispered brokenly. His eyes filled with a broken kind of longing, eyes searching your face to read your expression. “I love you, Y/N. God, I love you. But I’m letting you go. I can’t live like this, either. I have an organization waiting for me.”

He hesitated, his voice hoarse with resignation. “One last time. Before you go. One last night, together. No more pain, no more bitterness. Just us.”

You almost didn’t want to believe it, was Seonghwa really going to let you go? Surely, it couldn’t be this easy. You highly doubted what he said, just staring at him with suspicion. He sighed frustratedly, his hands combing his hair in a mess and letting them hang over his face. You frowned, the state of his hair was the state of his mind. He hated it getting messed up.

His words came out strained. For a second, you felt bad for him. He was giving up, Seonghwa never gave up, but this was it, your ticket to freedom. “I would never stop wanting you, and needing you, Y/N. You have to get away from me.”

“Okay,” you whispered, trying to summon the courage to feel what you had in your heart even if it was for tonight. “One last time.”

“Prove it,” he suddenly blurted out. His eyes locked with yours, and your chest almost exploded with the urgent need in them. “I want to believe you, dove, I really do. I can see it in your eyes. Come with me.”

Here come the excuses that fuel the illusions, but you’d rather feel something, than nothing at all. 

You should have felt repulsed, but here you were, grabbing the hand that he offered until he pulled you to the other room, one that you knew all too well. Seonghwa’s lips were on yours before you could think of anything else. 

A groan sounds from the back of his throat as he pins you to the wall, his kisses frantic and desperate as if he was trying to feed his own illusions. You opened your mouth to take his intruding tongue, the wet muscle exploring the crevices of your mouth like he’s never done it before.

You wanted to cry, how could you still give him all of you when he was a far cry from the person you used to know? You suddenly didn’t know who was truly insane here, the roots of his madness had slowly uprooted themselves in you and it was difficult to pluck them away at this point.

You hated this, even as his mouth was hot and bruising against yours, because despite the danger in his eyes and the way his hands shook with the need to possess you, your heart still ached to reach for him.

“H-Hwa,” you gasped when he pulled your head backwards by your head, exposing your beck to his desires.”

“Shhh,” he hushed you, burying his head on the crook of your neck, wasting no time planting his love bites to mark you, the one he knew that drove you crazy. Stars aligned your vision as he sucked the delicate skin of your neck, taking his time to graze his teeth on them and alternating between the two.

You’d really rather feel something, than nothing at all.

He grabbed your hand, firmly guiding it to his crotch, using his other hand to unzip his pants and lower them. He wraps your hand on his aching cock, gasping softly as you feel it hard and pulsing in your hand. “F-Fuck, baby,” he hissed. “Touch me, please, I-I need it.”

Your breathing grew faster as you closed your hand around it and began stroking it. His moans of pleasure hit your ear followed by the sensual calling of your name that slipped from his tongue and you couldn’t help but squeeze him. You cried out in surprise when both his hands quickly slipped under your shirt and grabbed your breasts, his fingers digging in deep.

“Seonghwa! H-Hwa,” you breathed out, not caring for the consequences. You forgot the fear, just focusing on his lips that still attacked your neck.

“Take your panties off, dove,” he panted, his ragged breaths against your ear turning the last coherent parts of your brain into mush. “Now, love dove, please.”

You didn’t let his cock go - you didn’t want to - turning your head a bit to whisper in his ear, “Yes, mommy,” in the most sensual voice you’ve ever mustered, surprising even yourself. You obeyed, your panties hitting the floor.

“Oh, fuck, my love, y-you can’t just do that,” he growled, shuddering against your skin.

“W-Why? I like the way you touch me,” you breathed out as his fingers adeptly plucked your nipples with his fingers, rolling them in between to stimulate pleasure out of you in the best way possible.

He chuckled, planting a soft kiss on your temple. “Let go.”

You pouted in dissatisfaction when his hands stopped fondling your breasts and pulling yours away from his cock, but your eyes widened when he lifted one of your legs up and held it up, pressing onto your body impossibly closer. “Look at me,” he grunted. “Look at me.”

You’ve never been fucked standing up before. You kept your eyes on him, almost exploding at how hooded and lidded they were as sweat trailed down from his temples to his lashes. “Hwa, o-oh my God, mmm,” you moaned out when he positioned his cock in between your pussy lips.

He gives you a lazy smile as he rubs the head on your clit, satisfaction rolling through him at the ecstasy written on your face. “You want it?” Seonghwa softly asked even though he was aching to plunge inside you immediately.

You found yourself questioning the reality of what was happening, doubting, but your body had other plans. You haven’t seen Seonghwa smile without any malice in a long, long time. You lifted your head, you had to lean it against Seonghwa’s own forehead since he was basically towering over you. You heard his gulp hard, watched him close his eyes. It was all he needed to know.

“Seonghwa,” you cried out when he started to enter you, his hand snaking on your behind to push you towards his intruding cock, completely filling you to the brim with his throbbing thickness. The both of you still had your tops on, but it didn’t stop his heat from migrating towards you. “S-So good.”

“Oh, fuck,” he growled under his breath, burying his head on your shoulders once more to savour the sensation of your pussy clenching around him as he began thrusting into you with a brutal pace of his hips. “Hold on tight, sweetie, I’m going to fuck you harder, yeah?”

“M-Mhhm—Hwa, mmm, Hwa!” Your cries were loud and grating against your throat, the pleasure overtaking all of your senses. You were pretty sure his men heard it from outside the house. You didn’t care, all you felt was Seonghwa’s hot breath against your ear as he nibbled on it.

You gasped when he pulled out momentarily to peel you off the wall. He turned you around before he pushed you again, growling as his cock entered you from behind this time. You couldn’t stop the blush forming on your cheeks as you faced the floor-length mirror you had in your room, Seonghwa’s dark eyes watching your tits sway back and forth from his thrusts.

“You should be ashamed of yourself,” he taunted, his hand groping one of your tits. “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Look at you, fucking yourself back on my cock.”

You cried as he hit a particular spot inside you as your hips buckled to meet his. He points at somewhere in particular. “Why don’t you be a sweetheart and give that gun back to me?”

You didn’t care anymore, you were drowning in pleasure, far too gone to think about what he was asking you. You scrambled, getting his pistol from the nightstand where he put it earlier and handed it to him. “S-Seonghwa—”

“I love you so fucking much, you don’t even understand,” he groaned amidst the slapping of skin on skin echoing through the walls of your bedroom. Your hips stilled momentarily when he pointed the gun on the back of your head. “Relax,” he chuckled. “It’s not loaded, remember?”

You licked your lips, actually ashamed at the arousal that coated your inner walls, subconsciously clenching on Seonghwa’s cock at the image you saw on the mirror in front of you. “Fuck me,” he mouthed, digging the gun into your hair.

“Fuck, Seonghwa,” you choked out, moving your hips once more to feel his thick length move inside you. This wasn’t supposed to be hot, it wasn’t supposed to be this much of a turn on for you, but it was.

“You wanna know something, baby?” Seonghwa leaned towards your ear, his grunts spurring your hips to move backwards and forward. “You’re just as sick as I am. You really should be ashamed of yourself for getting turned on about this.”

You moaned impossibly louder as you shoved your behind faster on him over and over again, his full length stretching you out with each thrust. This image will be ingrained in Seonghwa’s brain forever, and he wasn’t going to last another second longer. “G-Gonna come, baby—fuck.”

You gasped, clamping around his length as you felt his warmth fill up your insides. Seonghwa growled loudly, his breathing strained and laboured as he thrust in a couple more times before suddenly pulling out and kneeling down. “H-Hwa, what are you—”

Your eyes rolled at the back of your head at his tongue’s onslaught, your arousal mixed with his sticky cum dripping down from your hole all the way down his tongue as he lapped on it, some of the excess trailing down from your thighs all the way down to your feet. Your hands planted themselves on Seonghwa’s hair, unconsciously pulling on it as you continued to cream in his mouth.

The way his tongue rolled on your sensitive bud had your knees buckling, but Seonghwa made sure to keep you up, not even bothering to pause, and just like a hurricane, the force of your orgasm knocked the wind out of your lungs as the hot, searing flash of white blinded you for a couple of second.

It set you on fire, and he dove at your pussy with enthusiasm. Seonghwa took long, broad licks of your pussy, pausing every so often to push his whole tongue into you, wiggle it around, and then focus on your clit.

He repeated this pattern a dozen times, you had your hands in his hair, and as you approached orgasm, your grip got tighter and tighter. Seonghwa groaned at the sensation, and finally, you let loose with another loud moan, forcing his face into you even further as you reached your second climax. “Seonghwa…”

“Just like that, baby, come on my tongue, mmm,” Seonghwa coaxed you through the wild shaking of your body until you let out the deepest sigh accompanied with a small whine of overstimulation. His licks slowed down, his hands caressing your soft thighs, before finally stopping to stand back up.

“Get on the bed,” he held your arm and slightly pushed you towards it without even waiting for your response.

You blinked repeatedly at him. “W-What?”

“You heard me,” he deadpanned, unbuttoning his crisp, white shirt before tossing it randomly somewhere along with the gun. “On your back. I’m not done fucking you.”

You weren’t supposed to be turned on by that, but you were. You swallowed when you looked down and realized he was still fully hard even after coming inside you. You did as told, trying hard not to stutter in your steps as you laid on your bed, letting Seonghwa spread your legs to position himself in between them.

“Arms up,” he whispered. You did as told without hesitation, letting him also take your shirt off along with your bra until you were completely bare beneath him. He groaned at the sight of you, especially your glistening pussy, still half-full with his cum. “Stubborn as you are, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured, leaning down to capture your lips.

“I want you inside me," you whispered to his mouth and his eyes closed in bliss as you guided his hard cock to your wet, slick pussy.

For a moment, you forgot how deranged he was. Seonghwa poured all the love, no matter how crazed it was, his affection, and his passion in the kiss. You quickly accommodated him, kissing him back just as passionately, immediately tasting yourself and him on your tongue. “Mhhm,” you whimpered as you felt his cock slowly slide into you.

He pulled away to whisper against your mouth. “Wrap your legs around me, love.”

You did as told, moaning in his mouth as he pushed himself more until he was, once again, all the way inside you as deeply as he could. You swallowed Seonghwa’s moans, his thrusts shallow. He would pull in just enough for the tip to remain before slowly thrusting back into you. 

He was as gentle as possible, but it wasn’t going to last long. You hoped it didn’t last.

“Fuck, Y/N, this pussy is mine,” Seonghwa growled, giving it to you exactly as you wanted - hard, fast, rough -  not caring if you were a screaming mess. He just kept pounding you down the mattress and it shook the bed with how forceful he was.

“Tell me you love me, even if it’s just for tonight,” he begged, eyes filled with unshed tears as he stared down at you. “Even if it’s a lie, tell me you love me.”

But that was the thing. It wasn’t going to be a lie. His eyes widened a bit when he realized that you weren’t going to be lying. 

“I love you, Hwa. I love you,” you sniffled with tears of your own. 

He smiled. He smiled. “I love you, too, my dear,” he whispered. “I really do.”

“Hwa, Hwa, H-Hwa, f-fuck,” you clenched at the sight of him on top of you, the usual prim and proper look on him long gone, replaced by someone primal who devoured you whole. 

“Louder, baby,” he groaned out loudly, his eyes dropping heavily with lust, his hips slamming onto your ass obscenely. “I want the entire neighbourhood to know who you belong to, f-fuck.”

His groans were just as loud as yours, it was honestly such a turn on. He smirked at your fucked out expression. “Look at you, baby,” he chuckled darkly, leaning down to press lightly on your neck. “Fuck, look at you going dumb around my cock, yes, squeeze me, love, squeeze my fucking cock.”

You didn’t want to be fucked anymore, you needed to be destroyed. “Fuck, yes, just like that, my love, feel my fucking cock deep in you,” he panted out, slamming into you even harder.

He was going deeper in you with all his might, sweat dripping down from his forehead to your chest. His arms rippled as he supported his own weight and you felt his back muscles moving as he continued with his assault on your poor pussy. 

“D-Don’t stop, Hwa, please, keep f-fucking,” you begged, stars lighting up your vision everytime you felt the tip of his cock hit the back of your pussy.

You could hear Seonghwa groan and curse earnestly, barely audible over the hard smacks of your hips against the solid wall of his thighs. You could barely keep yourself together as he used you like a toy. “My only purpose is to fuck you over and over again,” he gritted out, holding your head in his hands as your body went back and forth on his cock. “You ready to take my cum again?”

You nodded, eyes wide in anticipation. “Y-Yes, mommy, give me your cum, please.”

His hips stuttered, his mouth dropping down, roughly pounding into you. “You, fuck,” he moaned out, his voice roaring loudly in the air. “Y-You will never, ever be satisfied with someone else once I’m through with you.”

Seonghwa’s face twisted in concentration, his teeth gritting as his thrusts slowed down, and you gasped audibly when you felt another round of his seed warm the walls of your pussy. “Y/N, dove, a-ah, fuck,” he whimpered, his voice high pitched with all the pleasure he felt as he pulsated inside you.

You were delirious at this point, but when he gripped your legs tightly once more to hoist them up his shoulders, you sobered up really quick. You squealed pathetically, his reinsertion setting your nerves on fire. “H-Hwa, f-fuck–”

“That’s it, baby,” Seonghwa moaned, his eyes fluttering close, biting his bottom lip at the quivering sensation that ruled his body. Overstimulation threatened to snap his cock into two, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted all of you.

“Baby, fuck, ngh,” he whined, his deep voice absolutely nowhere to be found and, God, it absolutely did something to you. His eyes closed shut, his hips stuttering in the cadence of his never-ending thrusts. You didn’t have time to be surprised, Seonghwa was insane. Surely, it didn’t just stop there. 

Your lips crashed together once more in a hungry kiss, Seonghwa’s hips pistoning into you in and out, grunts of pain reaching your ears. “I’m g-gonna keep fucking you,” he gritted his teeth, pain blooming on his groin, pleasure just right behind it. “I’m not gonna stop…”

He completely engulfed you in his arms as your legs dropped down to his waist to tighten your grip on him, pulling him impossibly closer to you, grinding onto his body with a delicious friction.

If it was possible, the overstimulating pain made Seonghwa rougher, more intense, and more desperate than ever before. The bed squeaked beneath you but you could barely hear it over Seonghwa’s roars. “You’re mine, Y/N, you’re all mine, fuck,” he growled, his teeth sinking into your shoulder. “Mine.”

“Seonghwa, a-ah, S-Seonghwa, wanna c-come,” you whined at the pain, but it just made him bite deeper. It was all you needed to feel that familiar tickle in your groin, and your heat began to wrap around him even tighter at the sensation. “O-Oh, S-Seonghwa, come inside me—”

It was all he needed to come undone. You gasped audibly when he put his hands behind your head to forcibly make you look him in the eye. His eyes blazed with fury and determination amidst the pain of his cock driving in and out of you. The insanity was back, and he made sure you saw it. 

“I’ll breed you. Put my babies in you so you’d never leave me again,” he panted, hilting himself with one final thrust before yelling out on your shoulders, barely muffling the sound. 

You weren’t completely drowning in that much pleasure to agree. “H-Hwa, baby, t-this isn’t right,” you whimpered, mouth dropped open at the tingling sensation another orgasm wanted to bring. 

You felt his seed shoot inside you one final time and it was all you needed. “Come, baby, come on my cock, please, please, please, come on my fucking cock,” he gasped as the pleasure become to much for him. 

Your body began to seize against his hold. Seonghwa covered your lips with his with a kiss that spoke volumes. He let you moan onto his tongue as your cunt pulsed all around his cock, reaching a euphoria your mind couldn’t comprehend. You both stayed locked together, savouring the comedown, but not really ready to let go as of yet.

And when Seonghwa finally pulled out, he couldn’t help the growl that emitted from the back of his throat as his cum began spilling out of you in copious amounts. Even he was surprised at how much cum was spilling out of your used, puffy cunt. His cock was numb. 

He smirked, it was all worth it.

“So, this is it, I suppose,” you breathed out, laying down in bed tiredly, carefully lifting the blankets to cover yourself. Not that you needed to keep decency. “I hope you know that I do care for you, but I also want you to know that we both need time away to heal from each other.”

You looked at him, searching his face for any sign of manipulation or desperation, but all you saw was raw, unguarded emotion. The kind you hadn’t seen from him in months. He sighed, turning to his side and facing you. “Can I ask you something?” Seonghwa muttered.

You nodded your head, awaiting his question. “Have you ever wondered what we could have been if I was just Park Seonghwa? Not the mafia lord, not the criminal, not the murderer. Just Seonghwa.”

What he was asking of you hit you harder than you thought. It made sense that he’d ask, it was the main reason you left, after all. “Every single day,” you admitted. “I would imagine we’d be married by now, maybe we’d have had our first child, too.”

Seonghwa let out a laugh that sounded more self-deprecating than anything. It was soft, but full of pain - the pain of recognizing that the what-ifs would remain just that. “When you walked out on me,” he exhaled slowly. “I could’ve stopped you, I could’ve tried harder, maybe made more false promises. Believe it or not, I did give you space.”

“You did,” you stated, rather than asked, your voice cracking. You weren’t ready to talk about these, but this might be the last time you’d ever see Seonghwa.

“I did,” he confirmed. “Would you have come back to me if I didn’t chase you around?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. You let the question linger in the air, because this was something you’d never asked yourself before. “I don’t know,” you answered. “And we’ll both never know. We can’t change what happened, and we can’t rewrite the past.”

Seonghwa met your gaze again, and this time, there was no anger and no regret, just the aching kind of understanding as his stare was fixed towards you. There was something in the intensity of his stare that made you catch your breath. He didn’t blink, nor did he look away. He just stared at you.

“In a perfect world, you’d want me, need me, as much I do,” he whispered, jutting his hand out to caress your cheek. “I knew you’d never want this, but I also know because you’d have come running back to me anyway because you love me. You’d have surrendered to me and if you did, I wouldn’t chase you like a fool. I would be letting you go.”

“I’m tired of thinking, Seonghwa. I really am. There’s not much I can think of but the reality where we’re in right now,” you said.

“And I really wish that you didn’t think. I wish that you knew for certain. But unfortunately, this world is not perfect. Tell me what you want, Y/N. Right here, right now.”

You opened your mouth, but the words didn’t come right away. The way his eyes reflected all the hope, albeit only a little, crushed you. “I want to be free,” you finally said, the words strange in your mouth. “We both need to stop living in a lie, Seonghwa. I’m not the same, and neither are you.”

It hurt for you to say these things out loud, but it needed to be done. He didn’t say anything for a while, and you could tell he was hurting, as well. This man was once your world, but not anymore. You can’t carry him and the weight of his pain on your shoulders anymore. “Will you set me free? Can you let me go once and for all?”

It takes Seonghwa several seconds to fully understand your request, but when he finally does, a nauseating sensation overwhelms him, a sickness settling in his stomach, twisting around his insides. He always believed there was nothing he wouldn’t do for you, that’s how much he loved you, yet you just managed to find something. “One more question,” he insisted softly.

“What?”

“I know you still love me. Might be more than I love you, might be less. Will you ever stop loving me?”

The question was simple, but the way it knocked all the air out of your lungs made you think otherwise. You wanted to lie, wanted to look Seonghwa in the eye and tell him the opposite of what you truly felt for him. In fact, it would be very easy to lie to his face because this was your freedom.

Seonghwa’s gaze was steady, like he already knew the answer, but needed to hear it from you. He held his breath, still waiting for you to say something, but you were too frozen to do so.

You avoided eye contact. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” he answered a bit too quickly for your liking.

“No, I don’t think I will,” you admitted, finally at peace with the truth, because deep down, you knew that this was the last time you’d ever say it out loud. Even though you still loved Seonghwa dearly, you had to let go for good.

For the first time, the truth didn’t hurt you. 

Something resolute passes through his eyes before he finally breaks eye contact with you, repositioning himself on the bed to lay down on his back to stare at the ceiling. “I’m moving to New York next week. Permanently. We all are,” he said. “Operations there are far more beneficial for me since the crime rate will help a lot.”

As much as that statement felt like a punch to the gut for you, a small part of your brain was telling you that this was a good thing because the finality of you and Seonghwa not seeing each other again was coming into place. 

This was why you couldn’t be with Seonghwa no matter how much you loved each other. His ties to the mafia and illicit dealings was the least of your concern - it was the danger that will forever lurk with him. You were never ready for the emotional and psychological toll it will inflict you. You didn’t want Seonghwa to come home with a bullet between his eyes or have to visit him in jail. Never mind the constant target for retaliation should something go wrong with an enemy group.

“I see,” you replied, not knowing what else to say.

“Let’s have coffee one last time before I leave,” he pleaded. “Would you grant me that right even though you owe me nothing but ignorance?”

It was innocent enough, but it wasn’t that simple. You wanted to establish that line between the two of you as early as now, yet there was that longing that always reared its ugly head whenever you tried to push it down.

Why was it that when you were this close to pulling away, Seonghwa makes your heart flutter again? What is it about him that kept pulling you back?

The walk to the cafe was nerve-wracking for you, to say the least. The last time you were here, you didn’t know where you stood with Seonghwa. It hasn’t even been four months since then and yet, it felt like it was a lifetime ago.

You hesitated, your foot rooted to the ground directly outside the entrance. The closer you got to going in, the wider the hole in your gut got. You figured it was just the nerves, you were finally saying goodbye to your tormentor - as fucked as that sounded - after all the days you were trapped in confusion and pain.

You took a deep breath, choosing to leave your nerves behind and making your choice, something you haven’t made for yourself in a while.

You weren’t ready, not in the slightest, but there he was. Seonghwa sat in the same corner where you were the last time, and for once, he wasn’t purposefully late, or rather, he chose not to humiliate you this time and made you wait to no end. 

You couldn’t help but stare at him. He was staring out to the world in deep thought, his hands shoved deep in his  pockets. He wasn’t even doing anything, yet his quiet elegance still commanded respect. Seonghwa leaned casually against his chair, his dark, tailored coat hugging his body just right and his hair neatly combed up - far from the hot mess of a man who was on top of you the other week.

Your heart thudded in your chest. He looked like he was leaving for good.

And then, he was suddenly looking at you. “Hey,” he whispered, almost unsure. It was a type of voice you haven’t heard from him in so long. The last time you heard it was when he was asking you to marry him one cool, summer night a year and a half back.

“Hey,” you smiled tightly, putting your lips in a thin line as you tentatively approached the table. Truth be told, you wanted to walk away. Something was gnawing in your chest. But the part that loved him so, the part that wanted to let go, didn’t.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come,” Seonghwa gestured to your seat, even going as far as pulling your chair for you and pushing it back for you to sit on like a gentleman. He had a serene smile on his face when he went back to his. “But, I’m glad you’re here.”

He, once again, gestures his slender hands, but this time, at the table in front of you. He already took the liberty to order some food. It was one of the rarer things that you didn’t take offense to when it came to him; as warped as his mind was, he did cater to your needs very well, and that included the type of food you liked to eat and how you liked your coffee.

“Thank you,” you murmured, taking a small sip of your vanilla iced coffee, pleased to find that Seonghwa had already requested extra syrup. It was extra sweet this time, though, but you weren’t complaining. “When are you leaving?”

His sharp eyes calculated your every move, lingering on your lips a little too long before his own lips twitched ever so slightly. “In two hours,” he replied. “Most of our stuff is already in transit. I just have to be physically there. I really just wanted us to end on a decent note.”

You blinked, not totally processing his words at first. It hit you like stone when it did. You smiled back, though it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “It can’t get more decent than this,” you murmured. It was true, this was the first time that the strain between the two of you wasn’t crackling in the air.

You took another sip of your coffee, just so you weren’t sitting so awkwardly and so stiffly. The aftereffects of the months of unresolved tension were making you dizzy, an almost surreal sensation clouding your vision. Huh, you thought, you underestimated how stressed you actually were.

“You okay?” Seonghwa asked, brows furrowed together, his lips strung in a deep frown. There was an imperceptible shift in his expression, but the haze was too much for you to calculate what it really meant.

“Yeah,” you said,  taking a deep breath and hoping that the dizziness would pass. “I’m just a little tired.”

You booked a little vacation on the seaside for tomorrow, something you didn’t tell Seonghwa. You had no need to. You were looking forward to that as you were seated, thanking your lucky stars that you actually booked it at the last minute. You needed to unwind after all of this.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re pale, love,” Seonghwa raised his hand to touch you, something you rejected with a wave of your hand, and something he surprisingly respected.

He sounded a little more insistent now, but he still held that calmness he was known for in the criminal world, but in the end, all he could do was sigh in resignation. “If you insist,” he said, even though he looked like he wanted to say more.

The air felt cold, heavier, and now thicker with all the unspoken things between the two of you that would remain just that - unspoken. Seonghwa resembled a man who had carried the weight of regret for far too long, but even he knew that it was too late.

“I won’t keep you too long,” he said, his words slow as if he was dragging them out. They were raw, nonetheless. “I just wanted to say goodbye properly. The right way.”

He paused to smile thinly. “I just…had to see you before we went. I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness, Y/N, and I suppose that’s the only real thing I will always be sorry for because I can’t control the way my heart yearned for you, no matter how wrong it got.”

“It’s okay,” you almost scoffed. “I don’t know if I can forgive you, anyway.”

“Touché,” he chuckled.

You swallowed hard, a little disappointed, but to be honest, you were fine with that. You can respect honesty and self-awareness. “But, you think this would be enough, Seonghwa? I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

The room began to tilt as you swayed only a bit, nothing too noticeable, but it was enough nausea to concern you. His lips curled as he stared at you, but the hesitation in which he ran his hand through his hair in frustration distracted you.

“I don’t know, little dove, I don’t expect it to be enough. I guess I just needed you to know that I never meant to hurt you like I did, and maybe that’s not enough, but it’s all I have left,” he stared at you. “ I wish things had been different. I really did. But now, I have to go.” 

You set the coffee down, your hands clammy and your mouth went dry, the dizziness getting too detrimental for you to concentrate. Seonghwa’s eyes narrowed as he watched you carefully. Too carefully.

“Good luck, Seonghwa,” you said, quiet and sincere. You got up and stepped back from the table, from him. You had to go, you were starting to feel really unwell. “I’m sorry I can’t support you with the path you’re taking. I wish you happiness you couldn’t have with me, I really do.” 

“Sweetheart, wait…”

He stood up as well, his eyes searching yours like he was waiting for something more, but there was something else underneath it, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Before he could say something, you turned around towards the door and began to briskly walk away.

Walking away from Seonghwa felt wrong, but what was worse was the growing unease you felt - the same one you did before you even entered the cafe. Your legs were unsteady, you couldn’t even take a step away from the entrance. Black spots began to dance from your vision, it was getting more difficult to stay upright.

You gave in, your body feeling lighter as you felt yourself begin to tumble down the floor, but before you could, steady hands guided you upwards until your head pressed onto a firm chest. You didn’t have to look up to know who it was. 

“S-Seonghwa,” you slurred, leaning further into him against your will just so you couldn’t fall. “W-What’s going on…”

You felt him dig his fingers firmly on your shoulders, not enough to hurt, but enough for him to hold you to your place. He pushes you gently against the wall, tilting your lolling head to his face. 

Your blood ran cold. The look in his face told you everything you needed to know. His thumb forcibly opened your lips and the realization hit you so hard it left you reeling - the coffee. You weren’t supposed to feel like this, it wasn’t the anxiety. He smirked, almost smug.

“You were always so wary of me,” he chuckled darkly, leaning in to give you a small peck on the side of your lips before licking the small trail of saliva that pooled outside of your mouth. “I’m surprised it took you this long, I thought you’d see it coming, at least.”

“You…spiked m-my,” you managed to choke out, your breath coming in short gasps.

He didn’t seem alarmed. In fact, there was a calmness to him, as though he had expected this reaction, as though this was all part of his plan. You tried to push him away even though you could barely stand. “Seonghwa, I-I don’t f-feel well,” you admitted.

His smirk fell, genuine concern bleeding onto it as he cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry, love, you were probably just sensitive to it,” he frowned. You hated that you knew what he meant. “Let’s get you to the car—”

“N-No, let go,” your body swayed, until your legs had finally given out on you, your eyes fluttering close.

“Hey, hey, stay with me,” his voice was sharp, laced with panic. You felt yourself being lifted bridal-style. You could hear him calling your name over and over. “Come on, baby, don’t give out on me now,” he urged, the desperation in his voice betraying his calm facade.

“Please, I can’t do this alone,” he continued, his voice quieter now, almost fragile. “This is the only way. I’ll take care of you, yeah? I want to do right by you. I need you to believe me…”

He was scared. He actually hadn’t meant to go this far. 

Everything went black. The last thing you remembered was the sudden pressure of his desperate hands gripping you as if he was afraid that if he let you go that you'd suddenly disappear. His eyes shone with plea, full of panic, as his lips trembled with unspoken words.

When you came to, a dull headache throbbed in the back of your eyes. A sense of disorientation weighed heavily in your chest. The first thing you noticed was that you were sitting upright, your head leaning against a hard, bony surface. A shoulder.

You groaned, trying to remember how you got here, and everything came to you all at once; walking somewhere, the coffee, the nausea, Seonghwa—

Seonghwa.

You groaned, immediately sitting straight and trying to rub your eyes and your head to remove the bleary sleepiness remaining in you, but that wasn’t what caught you off-guard. In fact, fainting in Seonghwa’s arms seemed to be the least of your problems for today.

You froze, your heart leaping to your throat when you saw the cold metal of the handcuff around your wrist. Your hand instinctively tried to pull it away, even going as far as to prying it away with your other hand, but all that did was hurt you, your skin automatically reddening at the friction all the pulling was causing you.

Things just got worse from here then on. You figured that you’d try to pull the source of where your handcuffs were connected to, but to your horror, you realized that the other end was connected to Seonghwa’s own wrist, effectively tying you two together.

He stared at you panicking, his face drawn with exhaustion, but he was watching you closely as everything started to dawn on you. Something cloudy seizes his chest as you look up at him, tears reddening your eyes. His gaze softens, but relief shines through it, nonetheless.

“You’re awake,” he tenderly notes, like he was afraid that you’d get startled and lash out. He leans forward, his hand gingerly holding onto your face to wipe your unfallen tears with his thumb. “Are you okay? Is there anything that hurts? Listen, I know this looks bad, and I get it, but please, give me the chance to explain everything.”

You were stunned speechless, not being able to render opening your mouth to even refute his excuses. Everything was overwhelming, and truth be told, your head still wasn’t fully there. You couldn’t even lean away from Seonghwa’s touch even though you wanted nothing but to spit on his face.

It was one thing to be infuriated with Seonghwa, but more so, you were mad at yourself. How could you be so naïve? How could you be so blatantly stupid as to even meet up with him in the first place and let your guard down? 

Your breathing became ragged despite Seonghwa’s gentle attempts to calm you down. You had basically signed your life to him the moment you agreed to meet up with him in the cafe, because this was his plan all along, and you went along with it like a puppet in his sick version of a show.

Trusting Seonghwa was the equivalent of jumping off of a cliff willingly. You had a first-hand taste of how manipulative, how insane, he actually was, and you still went. You couldn’t even afford to feel bad for yourself since you knew that the fault wasn’t fully his own.

You pulled on your wrist, even though it was pointless, but his hand reached across the small space, gently touching your arm. “I never meant for things to go this far,” he explained, his voice strained. “But I need you to understand—”

“Understand what, Seonghwa? You lied to me,” you gritted your teeth, your heart thudding painfully against your chest as you tried to keep more of your tears at bay. “You lied to me, you sick son of a bitch! You said you were going to let me go! I thought the mafia had honour—”

“I know, dove, I know, but honour be damned if I can’t be with you,” he exasperatedly explained, but you weren’t having it.

“What the hell does that even mean? You kidnapped me! I’ve lost count, Seonghwa,” you seethed, pulling on the handcuffs again, but to no avail. That was when you looked around and realized you didn’t know where you were. “Where even are we?”

Seonghwa’s eyes softened and he leaned back in his seat, letting out a slow breath as he tried to gather his thoughts, the handcuffs connected to him slightly pulling on your wrists. “I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, and I’m not trying to make excuses. But I couldn’t just let you go. I couldn’t let you walk away and forget everything we had. I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am.”

“Seonghwa,” you trailed off, not liking where this was going, your lips quivering as you spoke. “You said you were going to let me go.”

“I know what I said,” he said. His voice dropped lower, a touch of vulnerability seeping in. “I can’t let you throw it all away, love. The other week, you said you still loved me, and that you were never going to stop loving me. Tell me, how am I supposed to just leave and forget all about that?”

He sighed, long and heavy, looking you straight in the eye. “How am I supposed to leave my heart, knowing that it still beats for the both of us?”

Your mind raced, thoughts tangled in a whirlwind. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. You’d made your choice. You’d walked away from, finally accepted that you just weren’t meant to be, and that you needed to let go to move on.

He shifted, his gaze never leaving yours, and for the first time, you saw a glimmer of something in him—hope.

“We can start over, leave everything once and for all,” he said, his voice almost pleading. “No more games. No more lies. We could just be together with a new life.”

You stopped breathing for a second. “W-What do you mean?”

Seonghwa paused, looking genuinely confused for a second. He was taken aback, it hit him that you actually didn’t know where you were. The silence was what prompted you to actually look at your surroundings. You blinked, finally realizing the real reason why you were sitting down when you woke up.

There is a smooth, unnatural hum of an engine beneath you, vibration so low that you wouldn’t even have noticed it.The plush leather seats you were on and in front of you, the overhead area where carry-on luggages usually went to if they were too big to put on the floor, and the stale smell of uncirculated air around the small space.

You were on a plane. Specifically, Seonghwa’s private jet.

“S-Seonghwa,” you yelped, true fear and panic settling in your chest at the prospect of  being trapped here with him.

“You were asleep for half the flight. We’ll be landing in New York in six more hours,” he said quietly. 

You repeatedly shook your head in denial, hoping to wake up from this nightmare. Seonghwa just watched you, his expression a mixture of hurt and concern. “I know you’re scared,” he whispered. “I know I hurt you, but I promise I’ll never hurt you again. “

You looked at him, his eyes full of conviction, full of hope. He was sincere. But that only made it harder.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” you whispered, your voice breaking as you pulled away slightly, the weight of the handcuff pulling you back.

His face shifted, pain flashing across his features, but he didn’t let go. “Please,” he said, his voice trembling. “Don’t make me lose you again.”

Your hands tugged at the cuffs again, the metal biting into your wrist, but all that did was make him wrap his big hands around yours. “I’m not asking for a second chance,” he said quietly, his voice hoarse. “I’m asking for a real chance. A chance to prove that we can make this work. That we can make us work. I’ll take care of you. I’ll protect you. And we’ll get through this together.”

You didn’t want to break down in front of him. You  didn’t want to show him this vulnerability, this weakness. But you couldn’t stop.

Through your blurry eyes, you saw him with his gaze soft but filled with something else. Pity. It also had helplessness and guilt, as if seeing you break down before him was a painful reminder of how far he had pushed you.

With that, you hunched over your seat and buried your face in your hands as the tears streamed down your face in hot torrents. The sobs came in uncontrollable waves, violent and loud, your chest heaving as if you might suffocate.

You felt Seonghwa’s hand rub your back soothingly, but you didn’t care to push him anymore. It was over. All the fighting you did for your freedom was for absolutely nothing. The weight of that truth pressed down on your chest, suffocating. 

You didn’t even try to stop Seonghwa from pulling you from your chair to make you sit on his lap as he hugged you tight, burying your face on the crook of his shoulder as your tears came hard, relentless, spilling down your cheeks as your chest heaved with sobs you couldn’t contain anymore. Your hands trembled as you clutched at his clothes, trying to steady yourself.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” he said softly as he hushed you with comfort that you didn’t want. “I’ll take care of you. We’ll start over, fall in love with each other all over again. You won’t be a part of the organization if you don’t want it, just please, stay with me.”

Your hysterical cries didn’t stop and all Seonghwa did was comfort you with words - words that he actually meant - but what you didn’t see was the pride and satisfaction written on his face as he stared at your crying form. In his own quiet way, he savored every single moment of it.

And he smiled because he knew - and you knew - that you had nowhere else to go. He won.

You belonged to him now.

𝙽𝚎𝚝s - @keopihaus @dove-net @othersideoutlawsnetwork @hiraya-m @illusionnet @pirateeznet

Dividers by: @cafekitsune and @bernardsbendystraws

[bangtanintotheroom]

The Look (M)

You gon' give me that look, look, look, look-look

You don't have to tell me that it's mine

When you give me that look, look, look, look-look

You said everything with just your eyes

🔊 the look - ali gatie, kehlani (spotify | soundcloud) 🔊

• Pairing: Seonghwa x (F)Reader

• Genre: Non-Idol!AU, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Fluff, Smut

• Rating: 18+

• Words: 16.1k

• Summary: You’ve been perfectly normal since sleeping with Seonghwa that one night. You haven’t been thinking about him more than necessary. And you definitely haven’t been fighting the urge to voice these dangerous thoughts inside your head. You were perfectly fine…

• Warnings/themes: pining, acknowledging feelings, a very necessary discussion, drinking, swearing, jealousy, crying, OC is struggling, Hwa is just… 🫠💕, making out, grinding, oral (m. and f. receiving), face-fucking, c*me swallowing, face-sitting, squirting, fingering, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, praise, body worship, unprotected sex, creampie, multiple positions, cuddles, aftercare

• Notes: C'mon guys; did you really think I was gonna just leave these two alone after what went down in part 1? 😏 And I am SO sorry for how long this took to come out, writing doesn't come to me as easily nowadays, so I have to take it slow and steady. I at least hope this was worth the wait 💕 and shoutout to @sweetinsaniiity for the beta! 🥰

• Taglist: @minttangerines @minisugakoobies @kiestrokes @hyunjinsjeans @chngbnwf @syubseokie @marsstarxhwa @trivia-134340 @suluhwa @prodsh00ky @potatomountain @am3thyst-rose @tea4sykes @fancypeacepersona @ashlv @miksancheese

Make Me Water | The Look

You couldn’t step outside any sooner.

As soon as the glass door behind you slid closed and muffled the music and voices inside, you took a large gulp of air.

When you entered the party over two hours ago, you didn’t expect to be feeling like your emotions had been going through the wringer.

Jongho sent a group text out late last week, asking if everyone was up for a get-together Saturday night. The catch was that he planned to invite more than usual, a mix of familiar faces and strangers. No one objected, looking forward to the break from the usual small gatherings.

You took a rideshare with Sakura to Jongho’s place, Ningning already there since early that morning. This info only fueled you and your friend’s speculation on the drive, wondering whether there was something going on between the two.

Just as you pulled up outside, you spotted a familiar car parked ahead– one that opened its doors and revealed just who was occupying it. But it wasn’t all of the four men stepping out that froze you from getting out.

No, it was the one coming from the passenger side, clad in a black leather jacket and jeans that emphasized his long, slender legs.

You knew from the jump that Seonghwa was coming to the party, but every time you saw him or even thought of him, your stupid heart flipped in on itself. This had been happening ever since the two of you conducted the ‘experiment’ at his place last month. While the immediate results were successful, what occurred afterwards was not ideal.

Something was wrong. But when did it happen, was what you had been asking yourself.

It wasn’t when you decided to spend the night at his place after the deed was done, feeling too tired to drive home, nor was it when you helped him change his sheets, flopping on playfully after taking a shower. Did it happen while you used the last bit of your energy to watch your friend pull the weeds around his village?

No.

Those were all normal occurrences between the two of you. Nothing different.

Even waking up in the morning to the smell of Seonghwa making breakfast was nothing new. If it was your place instead, the roles would be reversed. You trudging out to see him bent over a cutting board didn’t hit you with a sense of unfamiliarity. Everything seemed fine at the moment.

But looking back now, maybe it wasn’t all simple.

You remembered pausing in your stride when Seonghwa’s voice greeted you, still raspy from sleep. The gravel was a reminder of what was whispered into your ears the previous night. Even though you shook the warm feeling off and continued approaching him, it returned when you helped with prep. Every time your fingers or shoulders brushed, tingles would travel down your spine. It got to the point where you nearly sliced your finger off when cutting up some fruit, prompting Seonghwa to lightly scold you and ask you to sit and leave the work to him.

All you could do was watch from the table, head spinning at whatever the fuck was going on with you that morning. But you figured it was a temporary slip that would get better after a few days.

Oh, how you were so wrong.

Every moment you spent around Seonghwa, whether it be one on one or with your group, all you could think about was him.

It wasn’t just limited to inappropriate thoughts, like picturing his head between your legs or his lean body above you, fucking you nice and slow. It would also be more modest daydreams, like holding his hands as you walk down the street or cuddling in bed.

Either way, they were messing you up. Badly.

It didn’t help that the two of you had to play it cool in front of the others, unaware of what went down. To them, nothing had changed between you guys and it was imperative that they still kept that view. God knows what kind of chaos could ensue if any of them found out. Especially Wooyoung.

But your stupid emotions just kept causing problems.

Sleeping with him unleashed something that you tried to shove deep down for a while.

A feeling that started…well, you’re not quite sure when. All you know is that you found yourself asking if there was a chance.

A chance of something more than what the two of you currently had.

Or were you just being delusional? Sex alone didn’t always equal romantic feelings; you knew this, able to have physical relationships without that issue. But that was with anyone…and this wasn’t just any regular person.

This was Seonghwa.

He was…someone special.

Someone who you could see yourself being with, no hesitation. But did he feel the same way?

Probably not.

Especially with how many options he had in partners; why bother with you when he could chase after anyone else?

A lump started to form in your throat as you stared out into the faint city lights.

There was already one person here tonight that was interested in pursuing him and it was shaping up to be a success, much to your dismay.

Sakura had brought her roommate, Karina, as her plus one, introducing her to everyone with enthusiastic flourish.

You could see why, the woman being striking with her long, raven hair, full lips that easily stretched into a smile and the mole beneath said cushions. You swore that a couple of the other partygoers stumbled over their hellos, Mingi included as he tried not to spill his overflowing drink as they shook hands. The playful pinch and coo you gave him was followed by a grumble before he stomped away with reddened ears.

Karina blended into the festivities easily, eventually ending up on one of the loveseats with you, Sakura and a tipsy Ningning that decided to plop on your lap.

“Okay, I take back what I said this morning.”

“Oh? What was it exactly that you said?” teased Sakura.

Karina rolled her eyes at her roommate’s purposefully dense tone. “That you were going to be dragging me to a boring party when I could be at home watching my cooking shows.”

Sakura grinned like a devil, leaning into her and wiggling. “See?! I make good decisions sometimes!”

“Sometimes, being the key word, “ your quip was followed by a hand coming up to bat at your nose, yelping with laughter as you leaned back from the offender.

“Aish, Sakura, you almost made me fall!” whined Ningning as she tightened her arms around your shoulders.

“Girl, that’s your own fault. There’s plenty of room on the couch, sit!”

“No—” Her petulant rebuttal came with a press of her burning cheek to yours. “—Y/N is comfier.”

You chuckled, giving her upper back a gentle rub. “I appreciate the compliment, Ning, even if my legs are starting to fall asleep.”

The subtle comment seemed to go completely over the inebriated girl’s head as she simply beamed and snuggled into you further. While the four of you continued to converse, you noticed how Karina kept looking off in a certain direction every so often, lingering for a few seconds before returning to the group. This action didn’t escape Sakura, squinting her eyes as she poked her friend.

“And just what has your eyes wandering off like that, missy?”

Karina’s shoulders straightened as she now donned a sheepish smile.

“Oh…just looking around.”

“Uh huh…”

Clearly, Sakura didn’t believe her as she started putting two and two together while staring off wherever the other was looking. This prompted you and Ningning to look as well with curiosity, landing on a small group of men hanging out by the entrance to the kitchen.

“Mm, looks like someone is taking in her options tonight.”

“Oh?”

Sakura’s observation seemed to be on point as Karina became even more timid.

“And just who are we looking at?” You playfully interrogate.

There were four candidates talking and laughing on the other side of the room; Wooyoung, Mingi, his roommate Jisung and Seonghwa. All good options.

“Well…it’s…um, shoot.”

“What?”

“I forgot his name.”

“Hm?”

Ningning leaned forward and pointed towards the group. “Which one?”

Sakura smacked her hand down in panic. “Pabo, don’t point, you’ll make it obvious!”

“Ow! Abuse!”

Shaking your head, you patted Ningning’s back to calm her down before giving Karina an apologetic grin.

“Please excuse her, she’s a silly drunk. Just narrow it down and we’ll tell you his name.”

The woman gave you an appreciative look before peeking at the group again. “The tall, slender one in the leather jacket. With the short black hair.”

All three of you became quiet, glancing at each other with astonished expressions, especially you. She was eyeing up—

“Seonghwa?”

Karina nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Mhm.”

You continued to watch her, feeling a hint of…something. Not sure what it was, you push it aside and gaze at the object of your own affections, lips twitching as he threw his head back and laughed at whatever madness Wooyoung said.

“Okay, Karina, I see you!” teased Sakura as she slyly elbowed her roommate, resulting in a push from her.

“Don’t tease me, Sakura!”

“Hey, hey, no teasing on my end, for once.”

“Seriously—” Ningning smiled encouragingly. “—you have good taste! Ah, not like the others aren’t good choices too!”

The flub made all four of you laugh and you forgot about the odd sensation that was brewing in favor of the sudden humor.

“He’s gorgeous, can you blame me?”

A small smile graced your face as you replied, “No, not at all.”

You weren’t bothered by Karina looking Seonghwa over, really. It was human nature to take in the appearance of someone as stunning as him, whether you wanted to or not. You did something of the sort the first time you had met your friend, often doing glances out of the corner of your eye as your brain tried to comprehend how a man like him existed in real life.

It still stumped you, to this day.

Thinking that the gossip was over, you brought your cup up to sip before coming up with another topic to speak on.

“He’s not seeing anyone, is he?”

Until that question made you halt suddenly, spilling some of the liquid onto your chin.

“Or maybe—” Karina gazed at all three of you individually. “—he’s spoken for by one of you?”

Sakura was swift to scrunch her nose and shake her head, her blonde waves smacking her cheeks.

“God no, that’d be like dating my brother!”

Ningning responded to the look with her own rejection, peach-colored lips in a large pout.

“Nope. I’ve…got my eye on someone else.”

And then there was you.

You had to remain calm while staring into Karina’s dark eyes, but it was suddenly difficult. It was like she had thrown ice water on you with that inquiry. It woke you up to the truth of just what your standing was with Seonghwa.

Well…he wasn’t yours.

The two of you may have pleasured each other and whispered lustful words that one night, but after you left his place, it was back to just being friends. No acknowledgment of what occurred. No requests to have a repeat. Just platonic affection. Just…back to normal.

He was not yours.

You had to spend the last month acting like you never played the encounter in your head on repeat both around him and when you were alone. You kept your cool and remained nonchalant as his fingers flew over his controller, despite wanting to feel them all over your body again. And you smiled and pretended to be happy for him when he had a couple of dates, having to swallow your guilt at the happiness you felt when they didn’t work out and you had to reassure him that he’d be successful one day.

Successful with someone that wasn’t you.

He was not fucking yours.

Trying not to let the sudden wave of sadness drown you, you replied smoothly, “He’s a free agent.”

Karina seemed to take this as a green light, watching Seonghwa with a sharper eye.

“I see…”

After that, you tuned out the encouragement Sakura and Ningning were giving her, not really wanting to participate in fake behavior. You were ready to chug the rest of your drink, only to find nothing but a few drops scattered inside the plastic.

Dammit. You needed another one. Now.

“Excuse me, Ning.”

Your gentle push of your friend made her scoot off your lap, allowing you to stand up. Giving your slightly numb legs a moment to recover, you were quick to make your way to the kitchen, inevitably passing the group hanging out nearby. You tried not to make eye contact with Seonghwa, knowing he’d catch on to your mood change and ask what was going on. Luckily, he was deep into a conversation with Jisung, only noticing you were walking by at the last second before he was approached by another partygoer.

The kitchen became your safe zone for a moment, letting out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding.

“Y/N, buddy!”

A thick arm wrapped around your shoulders before you were face to face with a ruddy-cheeked Jongho.

“Welcome to the kitchen!”

His slurred yet endearing words managed to crack a tiny smile from you, giving his head a pat in acknowledgment.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome! Oh, is Ningning still over there?”

Before he even finished, he looked through the half-window to eagerly search for said girl through the small crowd.

“She sure is. Why don’t you go get her? I think my legs will need to be amputated if she continues to sit on them.”

Like the fourth of July, the younger man’s face lit up. “Oh no, we can’t have that! I’ll go take over and be her personal cushion!”

Jongho released you and speed-walked out of the room, leaving you to blink rapidly at the brief encounter. Something about those two raised flags for you, but you were a little too in your feelings tonight to investigate.

You schooled your face into a neutral expression as you approached Wooyoung, mixing some kind of brew in a large punch bowl.

“Woo.”

He glanced up from his concoction to grace you with a cheeky grin. “Hey you! Having fun?”

The time of your fucking life.

“Mhm. What’s that?”

Wooyoung hummed playfully as he continued stirring, “Just playing chemist right now. The last time I made this, everyone who drank it got wild!”

“Wild, huh?” You muttered as you watched the liquid swirl around.

It might be just what you needed right now.

Holding out your empty cup, you answered his surprised expression with a firm, “Fill me up.”

The shock was quick to turn into giddiness.

“Ohoho, someone’s being adventurous tonight! Coming right up!”

As he used the ladle to pour, you had a sneaking suspicion that you would regret this in the morning.

Right now though?

This was your temporary savior.

You couldn’t decide whether Wooyoung needed to stay away from bartending or keep up at it as you were only halfway through your drink and feeling a hard buzz.

Even though buzz was putting it lightly.

Your entire body was on the verge of overheating, eyelids heavy and fingers and toes vibrating as you stumbled through the apartment. At least you weren’t the only one suffering the effects, having heard retching as you passed by the closed bathroom door.

But the upside of this was that right now, you couldn’t give a single fuck.

You only focused on going wherever your feet led you, shooting smiles to familiar faces, even if some of them looked a little blurry. There was a gaggle of dancing going on by the TV, the occupants moving to the song blaring out of the Bluetooth speaker. The alcohol gave you the strength to join them, hoping it would keep you from falling asleep.

Except a warm, strong hand wrapped around your bicep, halting your stride.

With a frown, your head whipped to the side (ooh, too fast), vision fuzzy for a second as you landed on whoever grabbed you.

…oh crap.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

Seonghwa’s voice was calm yet concerned, his eyes looking you over with scrutiny. He could probably tell how far gone you were right now.

“Of course I am. I’m at a party. I’m having fun.”

Your drawl didn’t mean to come out like that, internally wincing at the taken aback reaction he had to your sarcasm.

“Wooyoung said you had some of his rum punch…you do know how strong that stuff is, don’t you?”

God, why did he have to be so caring? It made you want to kiss him silly, but push him away at the same time.

Clicking your tongue, you went for the latter, albeit gently. “I do, which is why I had it. Why aren’t you drinking it?”

Your brain didn’t realize until it was too late that you poked his nose, receiving a humored scrunch.

“Because I want to make it home in one piece. Just promise me you’ll drink some water soon, okay?” stated Seonghwa.

“Yes mother.”

With that, you continued on your journey to the makeshift dance floor, unaware of the gaze still on your figure.

As soon as you approached them, Ningning was quick to spot you and pull you in by your hand, sandwiching your body between her and Sakura.

“Has Hell frozen over? You’ve actually come to dance?”

You laughed at your friend’s stunned yet giddy declaration, leaning back onto her. “Yup! Come on, show me what you can do!”

With that, the next few moments had you in a daze, the alcohol warming your veins and clouding your mind as you writhed against the group of bodies. It was mainly you and the girls dancing on each other, occasionally joined by a sloshed Mingi or a whooping Wooyoung, resulting in you nearly pissing yourself laughing.

This was what you deserved.

To not think about your jumbled emotions and the source of them. It was going to be a problem for another day.

But then you looked up and froze as you realized that you were being watched closely.

By Seonghwa, of all people.

He was leaning against a wall on the other side of the room, laser-focused on the way you grinded on Sakura. It was hard to tell what he was thinking about the scene, face impassive as he had one hand in his jacket pocket and the other holding a drink.

You were going to shake it off and return to dancing until you studied him closer and realized just how he was looking at you.

The way his eyes were fixated on you brought you back to that fateful night in his bed. How he gazed at you whenever his fingers were deep inside or his cock was pounding away at you. The clear memory of it brought a pang of arousal to your lower half, but it was only made worse by what Seonghwa did next.

That motherfucker ran that sinful tongue of his over his plush lips. Slowly. While staring into your eyes.

Godammit.

Needing to escape before you did something you might regret, you sped off towards the hallway, quickly throwing a ‘be right back’ to your dancing companions. Thank goodness the bathroom door was open this time, allowing you to jump inside and shut it behind you. Leaning against the wood and closing your eyes, your head spun as you realized how much that simple look affected you.

Your heart hammered beneath your ribcage and your chest rose and fell rapidly while you tried to calm down. You were drunk. You were drunk and yet you still let him get to you.

You were a mess.

At some point, a knock sounded on the door before you heard a voice asking to hurry up so they could relieve themselves. You were sitting on the plush bathtub rug as you tried to get your bearings, not realizing how long you had been in here. Swallowing hard, you pulled yourself up on unsteady legs. Exiting the bathroom and shooting the waiting person an apologetic smile, you made your way back into the festivities.

The dancing crew seemed to break up a bit by now, spotting a few of them gathered around the coffee table with Uno cards scattered. Judging by the scowls on Wooyoung and Sakura’s flushed faces as they yapped at each other, the game was starting to get intense.

You took advantage of this large view to wander around the room with your eyes, only stopping when they landed on two specific people.

Seonghwa stood with Karina in the kitchen smiling and conversing, visible through the partial window.

The sight alone made your stomach turn a little, but what you saw next almost made your dinner come back up.

The woman placed her hand on the arm of his leather jacket, leaning up to whisper something into his ear. Something that made Seonghwa’s eyes widen before he shot her a bashful smile.

Of course.

She’s making her move.

Like you told her, he was a free agent. Meaning you had no right to get upset over watching them flirt.

But you were. You were upset and it hurt to see someone taking an opportunity that you wanted for yourself.

You couldn’t watch this anymore.

And so you were out on this balcony alone, trying to hold yourself together over a man you had no claim on…and failing miserably.

The more you went back on it, the larger the lump got and the blurrier your vision became. And it wasn’t from the liquor.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

You were so fucking screwed.

The sound of the sliding door opening from behind made you straighten up and whip your head around, only for your heart to both swell and sink at who it was.

“There you are!”

Seonghwa closed the door as he stepped out, the onslaught of laughter from indoors being silenced again.

“I didn’t see you around for a moment and got worried.”

Clearing your throat, you asked, “Did you think I left?”

He shrugged, standing next to you now. “No, just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Despite your conflicted emotions, you couldn’t hold back from smiling shakily at his concern. “Thanks. I’m fine, I just…wanted some fresh air.”

Seonghwa nodded in understanding, mirroring your previous position and resting his chin on one of his fists.

“Understandable. I think Sakura and Wooyoung are getting a little too into Uno.”

Remembering how the duo started swapping insults over a stacked draw four made you shake your head.

“Well, if there’s blood when we go back in, we know what happened.”

After he gave a hum, it was quiet, save for the sounds of cars passing by on the street and the occasional pedestrian. It was funny, really. How his presence could calm yet stir you up, trying to keep your composure steady.

Your warring thoughts were interrupted when you felt a nudge to your shoulder, looking down to see Seonghwa pushing his head into you.

“Y/N~”

His drawn out call of your name couldn’t help but make you giggle a bit.

“Someone’s feeling good.”

“Sure am,” Seonghwa smiled playfully, giving you another nudge.

Receiving an endearing grin only lowered your guard even further. “Seonghwa, did you drink something else?”

“Mhm, Karina grabbed me another.”

And just like that, the walls were back up.

“Oh…”

Your flat reply preceded you turning your head to look out again, remembering just why you came out here in the first place.

“…are you alright?” Seonghwa asked.

Not at all.

“I am. Just…that rum punch is getting to me a little.”

You hoped that would be the end of it, but no. His hand came up to gently rub your upper back, sending a torrent of sensations through you.

“Do you want some water?”

“No, no, I’ll be fine. Thank you, Hwa,” you shook your head, rejecting his offer.

A short period of silence occurred before long fingers came up to cradle your chin and turn your head in his direction, giving you an expression that was a complete 180 from before.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Nothing but sheer sincerity was in his dark eyes. It was a familiar sight.

But then your alcohol-influenced brain remembered that those same eyes had gazed at you with such hunger that one night.

Godammit.

The reminder made you shiver visibly, causing Seonghwa to straighten his posture, immediately removing his leather jacket and draping it over your shoulders. He must have thought you were cold.

Too sweet.

“Thank you...” you smiled tightly.

“Mhm,” he nodded. “It is getting a bit chilly out here. Maybe we should go back inside.”

A bolt of panic shot through you. Going back in would mean allowing him to run into Karina again. Who knows what will happen this time?

The way you should’ve reacted was to calmly divert him from that, encouraging him to spend some more one on one time with you.

Not grab his damn wrist like a loon.

The sudden action had Seonghwa’s eyes widening in bewilderment, not used to this sort of reaction from you. Realizing your misstep, you swiftly released him, cradling your hands to your chest with mortification.

“I-I’m sorry…”

You couldn’t look at his face right now. The crack on the floor of the balcony seemed a lot more intriguing instead.

“Y/N…are you feeling alright?” Seonghwa frowned.

Great, now he sounded worried. Idiot, Y/N, idiot!

“I am…I am,” you stuttered.

That didn’t come out as nonchalant as you expected, a wobble in your tone as you tried to compose yourself. Looking through the glass door, the bright lights and liveliness of the party seemed to be more appealing than the current awkward situation.

Adopting a chipper inflection, you turned towards the festivities and offered, “You’re right, why don’t we go back inside? The temperature is starting to drop.”

But just as you were about to reach for the handle, long fingers wrapped around your own with a bit of force.

The action startled you, glancing up to see Seonghwa scrutinizing you…hard.

“Wh-What is it?” You stammered, avoiding eye contact.

“Something’s bothering you.”

His blunt response had your hackles raising as alarm bells began ringing in your head. Your friend wasn’t wrong, at all, but this was not a topic you wanted to discuss with him right now. Especially on the balcony of a house party.

“No, there’s not.”

Your defensive reply only made his thick brows knit, clearly not believing you.

“Y/N.”

The firmness in your name made your stomach turn a bit, the feeling that he wouldn’t let this go so easily was starting to take a hold. Shaking your hand from his, you made a start for the door again, only to have his lean figure stand in your way. A curse of frustration left your lips lowly at his action.

Damn his stubborn, pretty ass!

“Seonghwa, let me—“

“No.”

Now you could hear and see the irritation, your heart skipping as his expression turned into a borderline scowl before he crossed his arms.

“If you think I’m going to allow you to go back in there like this, you’re out of your mind. I’m not letting you in until you tell me what’s wrong.”

You tried, tried to protest again, but your words died the longer he stared you down. He meant it; no way in hell were you going inside without airing your grievances. If the two of you were staying on this balcony all night long, then so be it.

The realization made you sigh heavily, bringing your hands up to hold your face as you tried to keep your cool. For a moment, nothing was said until Seonghwa’s now softer voice came out.

“Is everything alright?”

You moved your hands so he could hear you. “No, it’s not.”

You uncovered your face, revealing an expression that projected the troubles that had been plaguing you for the last month. Strong enough to make Seonghwa’s stare diminish.

“I don’t know what to do, Seonghwa. Ever since we…had sex, I feel like something changed,” you admitted.

He looked somewhat confused as he asked, “In…in what way?”

The wryest of smiles graced your lips. “Depends on how you look at it.”

The other bit his bottom lip, looking even more concerned now. “I…just talk to me, Y/N.”

Something told you that your friend was ready to listen close, so you mustered up every millimeter of courage to begin.

“It’s like…every time I’m around you, I’m feeling conflicted.” You directed your gaze to his neck, not having the guts to look into his eyes just yet. “Whether we’re with friends or one on one, I…I get distracted.”

“How so?”

You swallowed the pebble sitting in your throat. “I, well…I keep thinking about that night.”

Seonghwa made a humming sound, crossing his arms. “When we…”

You finished his sentence with a ‘yeah’.

“What exactly do you think about?”

He wasn’t going to make this easy for you, was he?

Fighting the urge to jump off the balcony, you forced yourself to make eye contact with him now.

“…everything.”

When your friend raises a brow in question, you continue, “How…how you managed to prove me wrong. How you took care of me. How…good you made me feel.”

That last part made something in his expression shift, but it was only for a split second. “Is it bothering you?”

“It…is, but not in the way you think…”

With the look of confusion on his face, the dam was released and you just…spilled.

“You know, I’ve always felt…something towards you. But I didn’t want to pursue it. I was always terrified that it would fuck up whatever we already had going on.”

The slight tic in Seonghwa’s face was missed as you peered down at your shoes.

“But then you came to me with that offer and I couldn’t resist…I thought it would be okay to indulge. I can do this with no strings attached, right?” Your nervous laughter quickly dissolved into a stressful sigh. “I guess I bit off more than I could chew.”

Understatement of the century right there.

“Do you regret it?”

His question came out cautiously, almost as if he was afraid of your answer.

“That’s the thing…I don’t.”

Something seemed to shift in the night air when you said that…or maybe you were just imagining things. But you continued to express your thoughts without missing a beat.

“If I went back to that night when I asked you to show me what you know, I wouldn’t take it back. I—”

You clasped your hands and watched your fingers twiddle as you murmured, “—I had such an amazing time.”

“But that’s not the main problem, is it?”

Seonghwa’s directness caused you to wince, shaking your head while still looking down.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t be even out here on this stupid balcony if it was as simple as that,” you admitted with a bite to your tone. All of a sudden, a small but strong wave of frustration overcame, making you stomp your foot and let out a disgruntled curse.

“Godammit. It was just supposed to be sex, that’s all! A fun night together! So why…”

And as quickly as it came, the flames died down into cold ashes, leaving you in a state of despair as you lamented, “Why can’t I stop thinking about you?”

If Seonghwa had anything to say at that moment, you wouldn’t let him as everything began to spill out once again.

“I can’t even say it was just the sex, it’s way past that at this point. Do you know how hard it is to hold myself back when you’re around? I keep wanting to hold your hand or kiss you or…well, have a repeat of that night.”

Now you had to get to the crux of what pushed you to get some space outside.

“But then I kept seeing Karina with you tonight and it reminded me that we’re just friends and nothing more. Who am I to stop you from seeing other women, right?”

A bitter laugh came out.

“Even though we were hanging out most of the time, I tried to convince myself that she wouldn’t be a good match for you. That’s how bad I have it for you, Hwa; I’m making up things that aren’t true about this girl who’s been nothing but nice to me the whole night.”

“Y/N.”

“And it’s so stupid because she doesn’t deserve that and you’re single and allowed to see whoever you want, but every time I looked over, I got so upset and wanted to tell her to get away from you.”

“Y/N.”

“Even getting borderline drunk didn’t help, I couldn’t stop thinking about it until I came out here. Maybe I should have just gone home, this is all too much for me to—”

“Y/N!”

A small shout of your name was what broke your string of words, finally whipping your head up to take notice of Seonghwa.

Specifically the guilt-ridden expression he donned.

“You...this is what’s been bothering you?”

All you could manage was an unsteady nod, lips pursed and trembling.

“Shit. Come here.”

His gentle invitation came in the form of his arms opening, waiting for you to step into them. You wasted no time in doing so, pressing your face into his shoulder, inhaling his signature scent mixed with laundry detergent. Seonghwa’s arms wrapped around you in a tight embrace, a hand coming up to rub your back in comfort. The motion alone caused the back of your eyes to begin burning.

“Y/N…I’m so sorry that you’ve been feeling this way. I didn’t think it was going to affect you that much.”

You felt his nose press into your temple before he whispered, “I wish you told me earlier.”

Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you stammered, “I…I couldn’t. It was too embarrassing.”

With a sigh, he stroked your hair immediately.

“Don’t ever be embarrassed. If something like this is bothering you, I want you to let me know, no matter how insignificant you think it is, okay?”

The wordless nod you gave didn’t seem to be enough for him as he tightened his grip and repeated firmly, “Okay?”

“O-Okay,” you croaked out.

Seonghwa hummed in approval, the noise vibrating against your chest and nearly drowning out the rapid pace of your heartbeat. That was all you could hear as he continued to hold you in silence, taking a moment to let your confession sink in. When he decided to return to the conversation, you were blindsided by what he said.

“Actually, I’m…I’m glad you said something about it.”

His words came out hesitant and timid, bringing confusion.

“You…you are?”

“Yes. Now—” A low exhale interrupted his mid-sentence. “—now I can tell you everything that’s been on my mind.”

Everything on his mind? Was there something bothering him as well? Whatever it was, you remained quiet to give him the floor to speak.

“You know…after I said what I said to you in the kitchen that time, I wanted to kick myself. ‘Why did I say that, she must think I’m a pervert!’.”

His recollection made your lips twitch for a moment.

“But then you accepted…I couldn’t believe it.”

The awe in his voice eased your troubles momentarily, flattered at his recollection to your response.

“I kept thinking that maybe I heard you wrong…but when you showed up on my doorstep, I realized that it was really happening.”

“Were you…excited?” You inquired curiously with a small smile.

Seonghwa chuckled next to your ear, the heat making a thrill shoot down your spine. “Excited. Nervous. Ready to run out the second you saw me naked.”

For the first time in over an hour, you giggled, picturing the possibility of him jetting out while nude.

“But I was ultimately happy that you trusted me enough to do that with you, because…”

His sentence trailed off, making you frown as he seemed to be holding back now. Refusing to let him, you stepped out of the embrace and gave him a taste of his own medicine by grabbing his shoulders and staring into his eyes with stern encouragement.

“Because?”

Seonghwa realized what you were doing and chewed on his lower lip for a moment. The lighting out here wasn’t the strongest, but even with that, you could see his cheeks and ears begin to flush red. With a deep breath, he admitted, “Would you be mad if…if I said I always wanted to touch you?”

Your jaw dropped and your eyes nearly popped out of your skull at the stunning revelation.

He always…what?

“Hwa…a-are you just saying this to ease my mind?”

Your friend vehemently shook his head, still keeping his deep brown eyes locked on yours as he placed his hands on your shoulders.

“Not at all. I wouldn’t lie to you, not about that.”

“And…how did you feel, getting to touch me?”

You swore there was a twinkle in his eyes as his lips peeled back. “I was fucking ecstatic.”

His behavior that night supported his confession, yes, but—

“But I’m sure once you got your fill, that was enough.”

Your pessimistic words made the smile on his face fall, realizing too late that you said the wrong thing. When you were about to open your mouth and take it back, Seonghwa interrupted with an irked tone.

“I’m almost offended to hear that.”

Now his eyes narrowed, making you swallow hard at the fire starting to burn in them. “You really think I don’t want to touch you again?”

You tried to explain your faux pas again, only for it to get lodged in your throat when long fingers began running up the side of your neck.

“Every time I’m near you, that’s all I can think about.”

“Seonghwa…” you trailed off.

A thumb started rubbing underneath your jawline, directly over your pounding pulse.“But I held back because I didn’t want to push my luck. I had an excuse the first time, but any time after that—“

He pursed his lips in dissatisfaction. “—I was worried I’d scare you off.”

You were convinced it wasn’t the liquor making your head spin now, his mere touch and words doing the job instead. It took a minute to properly process what he said before you carefully asked, “And right now?”

Seonghwa took in a long breath in order to let it out as a low chuckle.

“Right now, I want to make you forget all those silly thoughts you’re having.”

God. That reaction alone transported you back to being underneath his bare and sweat-slick body as he gave you pleasure that felt too good to be real.

“S-Seonghwa, you…”

Just as quickly as that desire came, it went away in favor of something more delicate.

“But it’s not just your body that I want,” he clarified, something shining in his eyes that you couldn’t pinpoint. “I’d like to be able to hold you and kiss you as well, not needing an excuse to do so. If I could have gotten the nerve to make a move ages ago, I would have…just to prevent you from going through this stress.”

The confession was easing your troubles and bringing out something more positive instead. All of your worries melted away as Seonghwa continued, reaching for your hands to hold them tight and give a grounding squeeze.

With pure affection in his irises, he inquired, “I want to be able to call you mine. Would that be too much to ask?”

You’re not sure when you decided to answer, merely standing there stunned and reeling. All this lamenting was pointless. If you had said something earlier, even before the two of you had sex, this could have been completely avoided. A combination of joy, exasperation and tenderness caused your eyes to well up, blurring your view of him. When you could speak without croaking, you gave your answer.

“I…no, it’s not too much.”

And then you let out a laugh of relief.

“Not at all.”

You could honestly cry right now.

Which was what your laughter morphed into as everything really sank in, leading to Seonghwa gently wiping your eyes with his thumbs.

“Hey, no tears.”

“I’m sorry, Hwa. They’re happy tears, promise.”

Chuckling at the reassurance, he held your cheeks as he rested his forehead on yours, gazing directly into your eyes.

“Good, that’s the only kind I’ll allow.”

A glowing grin graced your face from his humored reply, leaning into the contact. The harsh tension from earlier completely dissipated now, replaced with something warmer. An atmosphere that continued to heat up the longer you two focused on each other. Your stare kept flicking down to his full lips more than once, the urge to revisit how they feel growing more and more urgent.

“What is it?”

Seonghwa’s low query made you bite down on your bottom lip, noticing the way his eyes darted to the action.

“You said you wanted to be able to kiss me whenever…right?”

Your soft suggestion immediately had one of his brows raising, nodding casually. But rather than go straight for it like you expected, he seemed to hold off.

“I did…are you…are you sure? I know you’ve been drinking…”

Oh. That expressed his hesitation. You appreciated his consideration as always, but this was one of the rare times that you wanted it to jump off the balcony and onto the street.

“Hwa, I’ve only had two drinks and that was over an hour ago.”

Returning the favor, you looked his face over, seeing a bit of a flush still under his sun-kissed skin. “Are you good?”

Seonghwa was just as guaranteed in his nod. “Yes, I promise. Drunk or not, I want this just as bad.”

And that right there was all you needed.

Cradling his face with your hands, you pulled him down and let his mouth land on top of yours.

Oh, how you dreamed of this for weeks.

Now that it was happening, you didn’t want to part, even if your oxygen was running out and you were on the verge of going unconscious. Seonghwa seemed to be on the same page, the pressure of his lips increasing each second. The soft sounds of kissing was like music to your ears while the feel of his hands moving down to hold your waist grounded you.

Although, whatever chasteness was there disappeared the second you dared to poke your tongue against his mouth.

A rumble vibrated against you before his grip tightened and his own tongue came out to run along your own. With each stroke, you could taste the top layer of his drink of choice earlier, but it soon faded until all you could take in was him.

A flavor that was unique and addictive.

You’re not sure when it happened amidst the kissing, but Seonghwa eventually had you backed up into the wall less than a foot from the sliding door. If anyone had become nosy and looked hard enough, they could see part of his back before becoming curious and stepping out to see what was happening. But that was the last thing on your mind at the moment.

All you could think of was the way he was making your body heat up with every drag of his hands and swirl of his tongue. Teeth made an appearance, often nipping and pulling at your lips. Heavy breaths washed over your mouth, growing ragged and peppered with moans.

But then you felt his thigh insert itself between your legs, forcing them to part. And then he went and pressed it up, making you gasp sharply as it came into contact with your clothed core. The unexpected move made you finally pull away from the kiss, panting hard as you gawked at the hungry look on Seonghwa’s face.

“Seonghwa…”

“I’m sorry…I’ve been waiting to do this for a while.”

You let out an incredulous sound. “You don’t have to apologize, believe me.”

He laughed gravelly, shaking his head. “No, I do. I don’t think we should stay here any longer.”

Your face twisted in confusion, your lust-addled brain not picking up on what he meant right away. That is, until he pushed his hips closer and everything became clear.

“We have to leave—” A slow grind of his erection into your right thigh. “—before I end up fucking you on this balcony.”

Just the mere thought of him having the urge to do that to you, despite the riskiness, had you audibly moaning.

“Then…let’s go. To my place. I-It’s closer—”

Seonghwa didn’t even wait for you to finish before nodding swiftly, reluctantly pulling himself away from you. While he adjusted himself, you blindly wiped off whatever lipstick smudged out of bounds and fixed your skirt back down to its proper place.

The two of you headed back inside, the brightness and noise sobering. Everyone seemed to be preoccupied still, not looking in your direction out of curiosity. In fact, the Uno game from the earlier was still ongoing, Sakura looking more joyful and Wooyoung with a deep scowl as he stared at his large array of cards.

Glad that no one questioned the disappearance of you and Seonghwa, you motioned him to follow as you walked to the beginning of the hallway where Ningning and Jongho stood. The two were in a bit of a precarious position, minimal space between their bodies as she giggled uncontrollably about something while the other watched her with nothing but affection in his eyes.

If you weren’t so horny right now, you’d drag your friend off and interrogate. Instead, you cleared your throat to catch her attention.

“Oh! Hey you! Where’d you go?” questioned Ningning.

“I just needed some fresh air, that’s all. Actually, Seonghwa and I are gonna head out.”

Ningning’s brows lifted as she straightened her posture a bit, Jongho mirroring the act. “Is everything alright?”

You give your friend a placating smile. “Yeah, I’m just feeling a little tired and he doesn’t want me to go out by myself this late.”

Seonghwa butted in, “And being under the influence of Wooyoung’s concoctions is asking for trouble.”

The two of your friends agreed with a laugh, looking less concerned now.

“You’ve got a point. Hwa, if you want to come back, I can still drive you home later,” offered Jongho.

Seonghwa shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll either stay with Y/N or Uber home.”

You couldn’t help but think that the former choice was more likely, watching as the men gave each other a parting hug.

“Alright, then be safe.”

Jongho gave you one as well before Ningning wrapped her arms tight around you.

“Please drink some water when you get home. And eat some bread!”

You chuckle and give her an appreciative squeeze. “Of course, Ning. Same for you.”

“Will do!”

When she finally decided to release you and give Seonghwa a tight hug as well, the two of you started to head out, waving goodbye to anyone that passed by. As soon as the apartment door shut behind, you looked up at the other, sharing a knowing smile.

“Shall we?”

You wondered if the driver could feel the mountain of tension in the backseat right now.

From the moment you and Seonghwa entered the car, nothing but a greeting was exchanged. The two of you sat in your respective seats, a gap between your bodies. But less than thirty seconds after the vehicle began moving, you felt long, warm fingers caress your hand. Looking away from the blurred street lamps, you peered over to see your fellow rider watching you with something akin to affection.

The demure smile he gave when you intertwined with him only made the desire to reach your apartment worse.

As soon as the car stopped, your goodbyes were said and the two of you stood in silence as the car drove off and around the corner. Once Seonghwa’s hand held yours again, it was like your body went on autopilot. You began leading him inside and up to your unit, fumbling in your purse for your keys with your free hand. The metal brushed against your fingertips a couple of times, but missed thanks to a combination of tipsiness and the sensation of a thumb rubbing the back of your other hand.

Finally, you pulled them out, unlocking your front door and pulling your companion in with you. With little care of where they would land, you tossed your purse and keys aside before grabbing Seonghwa’s shoulders to pull him into a passionate kiss. The rumble against your lips was instant, feeling warm palms land on your waist now. But before you could get too into the contact, he parted to humorously say, “Shouldn’t we take our shoes off first?”

Ah. Kudos to him for that. You hated tracking dirt in your house.

Nodding swiftly, you started to bend down until he held a hand up.

“Let me.”

His soft yet direct words made your posture straighten, watching as he got down on one knee. He took one of your feet and rested it on his bent leg before working on undoing the strap of your heel. The thoughtful act made your stomach flip, desire piling up as you watched him take his time removing your footwear. Something about the way he did this with no hesitation made you want to just pounce and have him on the hardwood floor.

But you had a little decorum still.

Decorum that dwindled even further when he finished and placed a gentle kiss on your knee before standing to remove his own shoes. As soon as he was done, you jumped.

Lips locked, tongues tangled and hands roamed as the both of you fumbled down the hall and into your bedroom, not even bothering to close the door. You walked him backwards until he was forced to sit on your bed, breaking the kiss. But you wasted no time in climbing onto his lap, returning your lips to their rightful place.

You’re not giving him much of a chance to lead, pressing harder and grinding your hips down enough to have denim scraping uncomfortably into your inner thighs. When you rolled hard enough to feel his mouth vibrate against your own, Seonghwa pulled back to give you the heaviest of looks.

“Did you miss me that much?”

The low tone paired with the hands sneaking up your skirt brought a thrill down your spine.

“Yes.”

No shame littered your response, thighs spreading the further you felt his touch wander.

“Good—“ A fingertip ran along the edge of your slowly soddening panties. “—I missed you too.”

His admission only motivated you to pull him back into a lip lock. While that continued, his fingers slid over your clothed mound to rub gentle circles on your clit. The move made you whimper into his mouth, losing coordination the longer it went on.

He wasn’t even touching your skin directly and you were already losing focus. If he kept this up, you wouldn’t be able to carry out your goal. So you brought a hand down to gently hold his wrist, stopping him from stimulating you further. Seonghwa pulled his lips off to look at you with bewilderment.

“What is it?”

“I…” You swallowed down the bit of apprehension that lingered in order to finish. “I want to make you feel good.”

Seonghwa’s bold brows lifted in surprise at your request. “Y/N…do you not want me to touch you first?”

It wasn’t that you weren’t willing to be touched; far from it. But after everything he had done for you, you wanted him to sit back and enjoy whatever you planned to give.

“It’s not that. I love when you touch me, I just—” You made sure to gaze directly into his deep brown eyes. “—I just need to show you how I feel.”

His orbs softened from your words, free hand coming up to hold your chin carefully.

“Are you sure?”

You didn’t mean for a whine to leave your lips before pleading, “Seonghwa, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me later, just— Please.”

But it worked as he finally eased up, moving his hand away from your face.

“Okay…okay, baby.” Now he rested his palms on the bed with a smile. “I’m all yours.”

The double meaning behind those words had your heart swelling impossibly. You leaned in to capture him in a kiss again, a little slower now. You didn’t linger too long before trailing pecks away from his mouth and down to his jawline. Your lips dotted each inch of it, nose brushing against his earlobes on both sides when you reached.

When you moved further south to land on the long column of Seonghwa’s neck, you could hear his breathing quicken. Holding back a smile, you started exploring this new area, listening close for any tells. Landing on his Adam’s apple forced a hitch out of the other, making you repeatedly plant kisses on that area. The most he gave you was a reserved groan, pushing you to want to increase the volume.

And so you carefully sunk your teeth in.

“Shit, Y/N—”

That was more like it.

Your smile didn’t hold back this time as you pulled back to look at what you did. Judging by the red splotch on his sun-kissed skin, you wouldn’t be surprised if it evolved into a mark in the morning. Seonghwa caught your appreciative stare and chuckled gruffly.

“Are you marking me up?”

“Maybe…”

Mischief littered your tone as you trailed off, leaning in to give said spot a gentle kiss.

“I want you to remember this night somehow.”

You could feel your lover shiver underneath you. “Nothing could make me forget this.”

When your heart expanded uncomfortably at his words, you had to find a way to use your sudden burst of energy. You’re quick to reach for the hem of his t-shirt and tug it off, wasting none of your precious time in running your hands along his heated skin. Muscle memory kicked in to help stimulate hot spots, drinking in every moan and whisper of praise he let out.

Only now did you move from your station on his lap, determined to move down to giving another area attention. You stood up between Seonghwa’s spread legs, head leaning in to lay kisses all over his toned chest. Rotating between using your lips, tongue and teeth, you gauged his enjoyment by the sounds he made.

Sinking your teeth in further whenever he grunted.

Sucking harder if a hint of a whine was heard.

Running the tip of your tongue over his hardened nipples, thighs rubbing at the shallow gasp he would give with each stroke.

Tiring of that place, you moved down his torso to give attention to his abs, loving how stiff they became under your lips. When you latched onto the skin under his belly button, Seonghwa grunted out a ‘please’, forcing you to realize just how close you were to his crotch.

His jeans did little to conceal how affected he was from your ministrations. You rested a hand on the bulge, giving the most careful of squeezes that forced Seonghwa to buck his hips.

“Y/N—“

Looking up, you saw him completely lying on his back now, fists grabbing onto your sheets. The view only pushed you to repeat the move, biting your lip at the louder groan received.

“More…please.”

Your need to get rid of the constricting fabric rose immensely, leading your hands to begin working at his fly immediately. You didn’t even bother removing his bottoms, shoving them down until they pooled around his ankles. An eagerness washed over as you scooted in as close as possible, coming face to face with Seonghwa’s cock. Before he could sit up, your fingers wrapped around it, forcing an intake of breath from him.

“I wish I got to touch you more last time.”

Your hushed admittance didn’t escape his ears, judging by the way he pushed himself up with his arms and gazed down at you with an unreadable emotion.

“You do?”

A nod was given before you leaned close to let a glob of spit drip onto him, hearing a curse from above as you started stroking lazily.

“Yeah. But I wanted you to fuck me so badly, I had to suck it up and move on. If I knew we were going to do this again, I would’ve continued.”

Seonghwa’s eyes only seemed to darken more as you spoke with little hesitation. Your mouth could be incredibly loose when under the influence.

“I wouldn’t have said no if you asked.”

Your mouth curled into the fondest of smiles at that. Now that things were out in the open, you wouldn’t hold back this time; he was going to see just what you would have done with the extra time.

Keeping your gazes locked, you pressed the flat of your tongue to the underside, dragging it up with little speed. The lightest of moans left as his taste brought back memories of that night. Reaching the tip had you drawing circles around the flushed skin, savoring the hiss Seonghwa gave.

“That’s it…”

His encouragement only made you latch your lips around it, giving the gentlest of sucks before popping off, the noticeable sound making his hips jerk in response.

“Do that again, baby—”

You granted his wish, repeating the motion enough that your lover watched you like a hawk, tongue slipping out to run over his parted lips.

“So fucking good.”

If you weren’t careful, you’d end up with an inflated ego due to his praise. But that was a problem for another time as you were ready to go further now.

Your head came close enough to start sliding his dick into your mouth, eyes still steady on his own as you sunk down. Wrapping your hand around whatever didn’t fit, you started moving on both ends, lips meeting your fingers each time. Seonghwa groaned louder than ever, lithe fingers gripping onto your bedsheets as an anchor.

“God, I missed this—”

You had to wonder how often he replayed you pleasuring him in his mind. Probably as much as you did the same for him. From now on, he wouldn’t have to strictly rely on memory; you’d do this as much as he wanted.

This time around, you felt less conscious of how you conducted yourself, letting drool leak out and over your fingers while making obscene noises from the suction. All you cared about was making the man above you feel as good as possible.

Seonghwa’s hips trembled visibly underneath you as you went on, the influence of his earlier drinks causing him to react more than the first time. His head would often fall back before struggling to come back up, only to fail when the pleasure got to be too much. Watching his chest heave with strained breaths was almost hypnotic. But the more you looked, the more a daring idea came into your mind.

It wasn’t something you granted often to your previous lovers, but for him…

Sliding off of him, you eased his moan of withdrawal with a soothing gaze before pushing your voice to come out.

“You wanna fuck my mouth, baby?”

As if you poured ice water on him, his entire body froze. It took a moment for him to process your words before a harsh groan was followed by a desperate, “Please…”

You couldn’t hold back a smirk, taking him back in again, only going down enough to give him room to move. Seonghwa propped himself up on his arms, one coming forward to rest a hand gently on the back of your head. With a look of encouragement from you, his hips pulled back in the slightest, only to snap forward.

And again.

And again.

And again.

“Fuck, Y/N.”

Something about the gravelly way he spoke your name made a visible shiver go down your spine. That and the way he kept sliding in and out with ease, thanks to the spit from before. Your eyes dared to connect with his, seeing his dark and lidded ones giving you nothing but sheer heat.

“So good for me…so pretty like this—”

A moan vibrated around him from the praise, only driving his hips faster now.

“Always thought you’d take me so well—”

He was going to be the death of you if he kept talking.

But somehow you managed to stay in control as he continued fucking your mouth, only letting your hands roam his stomach and thighs and wherever you could reach (you dared to graze against his balls and the guttural reaction you received was oh so worth it).

This went on for a while, but you were in too much of a trance to even think of how much time went by, only noticing how close he was when a strained noise came out.

“Baby, I’m gonna come—“

Something of a thrill went through you at his words before curiosity starts to take a hold.

You could have just pulled off and let him finish on your hand or his stomach, but there was a part of you that wanted to go a step further and see just what he tasted like.

A hand went up to lay on the one holding the back of your head while staring directly into his eyes. Once Seonghwa understood your silent communication, he groaned brokenly. His gruff swearing preceded the faster movement of his hips, becoming frantic and off-beat. It only felt like a short moment before he froze suddenly to let out a choked gasp, shaking and twitching as heat started to coat your tongue.

The somewhat bitter taste mixed with the lingering alcohol, making you moan in satisfaction as you watched your newfound lover lose control. You didn’t release him until the last of the tremors left his body, an audible pop sounding while he slumped back onto the bed. Wiping your mouth free of spit and a bit of his come, you took in the sight of Seonghwa catching his bearings, his torso already covered with a light sheen of sweat.

“Shit…I’m sorry.”

You didn’t catch his ragged apology immediately, processing it after a few seconds of blinking. A giggle broke before you pulled yourself up to plant your palms next to his head.

“Why sorry? Did you miss me that much?” You teased.

His ears only grew redder, groaning as he threw an arm over his eyes to hide his embarrassment. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not—” You pressed a kiss to said arm. “—it’s flattering.”

Seonghwa removed his arm to shoot you a pout, only for it to break into a smile the more you looked at each other. He interrupted the staring when he reached up to pull you on top of him, wrapping you into a tight hug. You could hear his rapid heartbeat this way, remaining in the welcome embrace for a while.

“Just wait until I get my bearings.”

“Mm?”

Your head lifted to look at him, only to see a more serious expression on his face now.

“Best believe I’m returning the favor.”

Your core clenched at the expression he gave and the tone of his voice, looking forward to whatever ‘favor’ he had in store.

“I’m scared and excited.” Your honest words made Seonghwa give a velvety laugh.

“Good. I plan to make you into a mess as well.”

There was no way he didn’t feel how you shuddered at that, judging by the crooked tilt of his lips.

It only took another minute before he started sitting up, forcing you to stand once again. He released your body to reach down and pull his bottoms off his feet, tossing them to the side. Before they even landed, his hands shot out to hold your hips and pull you back onto his lap, your legs wrapping around his slender waist.

Both hands came up to cup your jaw and pull you into a passionate kiss, the contact making you melt into him in an instant. While you were distracted by his quickly emerging tongue, Seonghwa went to slide the hem of your shirt up your torso, forcing the kiss to break so he could slip it off and let it join his own clothes on the floor. Before you could capture his lips again, he reached for your upper back, making quick work in undoing the clasp of your bra. As soon as the fabric loosened and dropped, his mouth immediately went to latching on.

Hot kisses were planted all over your bare chest, leaving no space untouched. They only made the heat in your body rise higher and higher, squirming in your lover’s lap. It became worse when you witnessed his full lips wrap around one of your nipples to suck lightly. His deep brown eyes looked up, keeping contact with yours as he kept this up. The heat lingering in his orbs were peppered with something else that made a low moan escape you.

He hummed against you for a second before releasing the bud, only to flick his tongue rapidly over it, making your body jolt in his lap. A velvety chuckle came from Seonghwa, moving to the other side to repeat the motion.

“Hwa—”

Pulling off, he brought his head up to hover in front of yours. His eyes were lidded as he husked, “Keep saying my name like that.”

You didn’t even get the chance to nod and show him you were on board before he dove back down to keep showering your breasts with attention. Finding your posture becoming unstable, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tangled your fingers into his short, dark locks. For that, you received a groan and a nip to one of your buds.

The sharpness had you hissing his name quietly, although it sounded loud in this room.

Seonghwa continued, getting his fill of your breathy voice until he decided he had enough, releasing your nipple with a grunt.

“Y/N.”

“Mm?”

He sat up straight, bringing himself face to face with you now. “Can you do me a favor?”

You nodded swiftly without even fully processing his words. “Sit on my face.”

…what?

“H-Huh?”

He merely smirked.

“You said I could do whatever I want to you, yes? So come sit on my face.”

You’re reeling from his offer, but quick to nod and spring into action after a moment and stand up. Your fingers fumble a bit in removing your skirt, though you’re successful at getting the constricting fabric off your legs. But just as you’re about to do the same for your underwear, Seonghwa takes a hold of your hands and gives you a look of impatience.

“Just come up here already.”

His urgency sent a shock down your spine, not used to seeing him like this. But you granted his wish, waiting until he laid back, his head just below your pillows. You cautiously climbed on and up to hover your hips above his face.

Were you too high? You didn’t know; you had never done this before!

But Seonghwa didn’t allow you the chance to overthink more, hooking a finger into the crotch of your panties (and causing a jolt at the brush against your skin) and pulling them to the side. A curse left at the sight of your arousal before he grabbed your hips.

“I love how wet you get for me.”

With zero hesitation, he pulled you down onto his lips and got to work.

Maybe your brain was playing tricks on you, but it felt even better than the first time.

Perhaps he wasn’t exaggerating when he said he constantly thought about being intimate again when he was with you. It seemed like he remembered what pleased you and was using every detail to his advantage.

Either way, you were enjoying this greatly.

Whenever there was a break in your moans, you could hear the obscene sound of Seonghwa’s tongue lapping and flicking between your legs.

“So fucking sweet—“

The sudden rumble from below made you tremble visibly, drawn out from the slow and thorough way he was tasting you. Your fingers were quick to grip onto the headboard for support as you fought the urge to push down onto his face; it was just too early in the game for that.

But your sense of modesty was evaporating with each stroke of his tongue and suction with his lips.

The rum from earlier pushed you to eventually start rolling your hips, feeling a moan vibrate from him. Hands guided you even further in your desires, gaining more friction that had your breath hitching. When Seonghwa stopped, you took over, continuing to take what you wanted, receiving an even louder groan.

“God…yes, ride my face like that—“

The grab and jiggle to your ass only encouraged you to go on and on.

How could you have never done this before in your entire life? You could sit up here forever.

But your control started to slip when you felt something a little more solid start to brush against the bundle of nerves. The sudden feeling made you jolt, looking down to see what was going on.

…fuck. He was using his nose.

The nose that you greatly admired on his gorgeous face.

And just like that, you stopped giving a fuck.

Tightening your hold, you began rubbing against him harder, increasing the pleasure tenfold. Something of an elated laugh came from Seonghwa at your loosened inhibitions, only encouraging you further. Time was a pointless concept for the two of you as you got your fill of each other, only coming to a halt when you felt a sharp and familiar pang in your gut.

Hissing as the pressure started to become too much, you whimpered, “Seonghwa…”

Yet if he heard you, he chose to ignore, continuing to let his tongue flick at your throbbing clit.

God, if he kept that up, things were going to get messy.

“I-I’m gonna come so hard— Let me off!”

Seonghwa heeded your request, but psyched you out when he grunted, “No. Don’t hold back.”

Your eyes darted down to gawk at him with doubt before he shot a crooked grin.

“Come on my face, pretty girl.”

Jaw dropping at his approval, he gave you no chance to second guess as he dove back in, giving you everything he had. And when it got to be too much, the knot inside snapped.

Your back arched and you cried out sharply as you shook and expressed your pleasure in a way that hadn’t happened since that fateful night with him.

When the tremors started to subside, you rested your damp forehead on the headboard for a moment, using that and Seonghwa’s soothing hands on your hips as an anchor.

“So good for me, baby.”

His praise made you exhale in relief, finding yourself coming back to Earth after a couple of minutes. Scooting back to hover above his chest, you peered down to see the damage you did.

Oh. Holy shit.

You fucking drenched him, enough for droplets to slide down the side of his face and dark spots to show on the pillowcase. But Seonghwa looked unperturbed, gazing up at you without an ounce of shame.

“Jesus. Seonghwa, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d—“

The rest of your apology died out when a hand came up to wipe his wet mouth, only to then bring fingers to his bangs to push them off his forehead.

“Don’t be. That was too fucking hot.”

And then you were rendered speechless when his tongue snaked out to run over his glistening lips. “Love when you squirt for me.”

God…he was going to be the end of you.

With shaking legs, you dismounted and sat next to him, wiping a bead of sweat off your forehead. “You need to stop being so good at that.”

Seonghwa grinned devilishly. “I think not. You seem to enjoy it a lot.”

Your eyes narrowed out of annoyance and modesty, poking his bare chest before rebutting, “Your mind is playing tricks on you.”

“No way. I saw the look on your face when you moved back. You looked like you were about to smother me again.”

“Seonghwa!”

Your shriek brought a laugh from the other, growing louder when you started laying light punches on his torso. He was quick to grab your hands and pull you down, pinning them between both of your bodies.

“Easy there, baby.”

His interruption of your assault only made your lower lip stick out. Seonghwa leaned up to press his own, making it retract when he gave you a nip with his teeth.

“Keep doing that and I’ll have to wipe that pout off.”

The low promise did it for you anyways, biting down on your lip in response.

“How so?”

Your little challenge brought the cheekiest of smiles from him before you found your vision blurring as your world spun. Now you found yourself pinned down to your bed, gawking up at the other.

“Let me show you.”

Seonghwa laid a palm on your heaving chest, slowly yet purposefully dragging it down your torso until it rested below your belly button. For a moment, he pressed down a bit before sliding his thumb downwards, giving your still sensitive clit a few circles. The pressure on your stomach unexpectedly amplified the pleasure, making your eyes flutter shut as you let it spread through you in waves.

He gave you some time to enjoy this simple attention before you felt something prodding your entrance. You tensed up for a second until you realized it was his fingers, his hand now removed from your stomach and focused between your legs. As soon as he felt you relax, Seonghwa slid inside, the two digits causing a pleasant friction against your walls. Like it was muscle memory, you could feel them curl and hook onto that swollen spot, pushing the air out of your lungs as your eyes flew open.

“Can you give it to me again, sweetheart?”

Unable to form words, your widened eyes met his before bobbing your head frantically. You didn’t realize how worked up you were until he began touching you and now you wanted more.

Seonghwa realized this as well, his grin adopting a tinge of feral energy.

“That’s my girl.”

His approval was followed by slow, thorough movements, in and out as he stroked your inner walls. The lewd noise from it was like music to your ears.

“Still so wet…” Seonghwa’s muttered comment made your cheeks flame, giving him a mock pout.

“Your fault.” Your petulant reply had him chuckling, leaning down to give your lips a peck.

“I’ll take the blame. It’s good to know I’m not the only one affected.”

“What, did you think you were just lucky the first time?”

Humming, he continued, “A little…but I can see that’s not the case.”

You groaned at a specific rub before chuckling hoarsely. “You sound happy about that.”

“I am, especially after the torture of this last month.”

Seonghwa’s fingers pulled back a bit. “Couldn’t think straight sometimes when we were alone together.”

A plunge into that spongy spot.

“I kept thinking about that night and how good you looked in my bed.”

Your hips couldn’t help but jerk. “Y-Yeah?”

“Mhm. All laid out on the sheets bare and willing to let me please you.”

A thumbing of your clit.

“It was like a dream come true.”

No, this was a dream come true.

Starting the night off as a sensitive wreck and ending it under the warm comfort of the man you admired almost felt like you could wake up any second. But the fingers sending bolts of bliss up your spine said otherwise.

“Y/N—” hissed Seonghwa. “—you keep squeezing me…still tight as ever.”

His words had you clenching again, feeling the pressure inside rise further.

“Hwa…keep talking to me like that.”

“Mm?”

You gazed directly into his eyes, licking your swollen lips.

“It…really gets to me.”

Your admission had shock passing over his face for a moment before he nodded firmly, bracing his body above yours with a hand planted next to your head. His bangs had become a bit loose from the styling he had done, casting a shadow around his dark brown eyes, smudged with liner.

“Good. I want you to know how fucking amazing you feel.”

A tremble of your hips as he sped up a bit.

“Ngh…yes, like that—”

Seonghwa bit back a groan, trying to remain somewhat composed as he worked on taking you to the peak. “The sounds you make are still one of my favorites.”

Same to you.

“I really wish you said something earlier…who knows how many times we could have done this again?”

So many times.

“Can’t wait to feel this wrapped around my cock.”

You couldn’t wait either.

It didn’t take much longer for a new coil to begin forming, your hips twitching and jerking often as the sounds from the fingers fucking you grew louder. After another suggestive compliment was whispered in your ear, the coil snapped and brought a sharp keen from your lips. You weren’t fully aware of what came out of your mouth during your orgasm, only focusing on the way you coated Seonghwa’s hand with your release.

“Fuck, there we go—“

He refused to stop until you reached down to grab his wrist, hints of overstimulation starting to wash over you. Once your muscles calmed a bit, you peered at the man above you with glassy eyes. A short laugh came out when you took notice of the sizeable wet spot sitting under your bottom right now.

“You’re gonna drain me, Hwa.”

With little modesty, Seonghwa grinned and explained, “Then I’ll just fill you back up again.”

You forgot how dangerous his confidence could be when it was through the roof.

Humming lowly, you brought trembling hands up to rest on his bare chest, noting the way his heart pounded beneath your right palm.

“And just how are you going to do that?”

Your lover’s brow lifted at your query, especially when you decided to start rubbing at his skin.

“With your tongue?”

Seonghwa’s mouth parted to respond, only for a hitched exhale to release when you slid up to his shoulders.

“Your fingers again?”

The back-to-back orgasms were making your tongue loose, running your fingertips along the nape of his neck as you leaned up to practically kiss his ear.

“Or maybe…your cock?”

Your velvety whisper brought a visible shiver out of Seonghwa, feeling a little triumphant at getting him to react to your unexpected words. But then a hand came up to grasp your chin, pulling you back so you could get a clear view of the sheer hunger in his deep brown eyes. With the fingers that were still slick with your come, he wrapped them around his length (now hard again) and stroked slowly.

“If I don’t get inside you in the next minute, I’m going to lose my mind.”

Well, there was your answer.

With a swift nod, the two of you worked on maneuvering your bodies to a more comfortable position, your head laying underneath your array of throw pillows while Seonghwa laid his lean body between your spread legs. His arousal pressed insistently against your sensitive folds, only increasing your need for him. Your hand reached down to align him properly, gazing up with thinly-veiled impatience. It didn’t take long for him to give in, pushing his hips forward to begin filling you up.

God. You don’t remember it feeling this good last time.

Every inch and vein bumped along the ridges of your walls, causing your desire to increase to an unbearable point. So unbearable that you lost your patience when he was halfway in, grabbing his slender hips to tug and finish the job, pulling a sharp sound out of the both of you.

Seonghwa trembled visibly for a moment to regain some control as he bottomed out, eyes watching you with astonishment. Eventually, something between a groan and a heavy laugh left him, forehead dropping to rest on yours. His bangs tickled your face as he rasped, “God, I missed this.”

A similar expression came from you, your hands taking place on his waist to run up and down the heated and damp skin.

“Me too.”

For a while, you and your newfound lover just watched each other in silence, ragged breathing as background noise. It was like you were both processing the end of ‘what if’s and stressful pining. After tonight, no one was going to be confused about feelings.

The only issue at this point was figuring out how many times was going to be enough to satisfy both of your needs.

Ready to have a repeat of that one night, you crossed your ankles over Seonghwa’s lower back and gave a light push. With that motion, he was quick to begin moving his hips, bringing about a friction that was scratching that itch you had had for the last month.

“Baby, stop holding back,” you gently chided.

Seonghwa’s breath hitched audibly at that, eyes looking into yours for any hesitation present. When you gave none, he clenched his jaw and proceeded to put more force into his thrusts, beginning to relieve that bothersome tickle inside.

“Mm, just like that—”

Your praise only encouraged the other, leaving little restraint as he moved in and out of you. His head was quick to drop down and trail small kisses and bites all over your jaw and neck, often pausing to whisper coarse words into your ear.

“Do you know how many times I wanted to just drag you away from the others and have you like this again?”

You tightened around him for a moment before hissing, “No, not at all.”

Seonghwa chuckled heavily, tugging your earlobe with his teeth.

“Too fucking often.”

Sliding a hand up his sweat-slick back, the contracting muscles distracted you for a second before you ended up tangling your fingers in his hair.

“If only I knew then…we could have made some excuses up.”

Seonghwa laughed again, only for a groan to interrupt it. “Fuck— You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

You smirked and pressed your lips to his temple before husking, “That’s only one of them.”

Something shifted in his eyes, hips stilling before he pulled out, leaving you feel hollow. Groaning in frustration, you started, “Seonghwa, don’t—“

“Hands and knees, now.”

His sultry command killed whatever backlash you were ready to give, quickly maneuvering your body into the requested position. As soon as your palms touched the bed, Seonghwa realigned himself and slowly went back in, the new angle making your fingers clutch the sheets.

“Goddamn, you look good from here,” he grunted as he fully filled you up again.

Within a couple of seconds, your lover grabbed your hips and began pulling you back as he thrust forward, each contact causing an audible smack to occur. It was soon joined by a short cry or moan from your mouth, the position causing his cock to drag in just the right places. Feeling his balls consistently slap against your throbbing clit didn’t help matters either, jolts of pleasure shooting out to your fingers and toes.

“Oh— Oh my God—”

The most unabashed of moans left you, coming deep from the pit of your belly as Seonghwa continued to pound into you from behind. You could feel his hands roaming over the entirety of your body. From grasping your shoulders to caressing your breasts to gripping the curve of your ass, he left little areas untouched. There’s less restraint in his moves tonight. He’s not trying to find out what makes you tic and what turns you off.

No, he's taking all of that knowledge from before to turn you into an absolute mess right now.

“Is this good, baby?” he rasped.

Good didn’t even come close to how you were feeling.

“U-Uh huh!”

A tweak of your nipple had you borderline whining.

“What was that?”

His provocation pushed you to try and answer him with actual words this time, “So good! You feel so good inside me, Hwa—!”

Seonghwa swore before you felt his other hand slide down the front of your torso, eventually landing between your hips to work your clit over.

Your limbs became unstable all of a sudden, forcing you to land on your front, face buried in the sheets while you were being fucked senseless. It didn’t matter to him as an audible grunt came out before you felt his lips planting between your shoulder blades repeatedly.

“You take me so fucking well, it’s amazing—“

At this point, you couldn’t even respond, giving in to the bliss consuming your senses. You were in an entire other headspace until a sudden impact to your bottom snapped you back to reality. Bewilderment came about as you tried to figure out what that was until it happened again, realizing that Seonghwa’s hand was the culprit.

He just spanked you!

You were truly experiencing a new side of him tonight and you loved it.

“Tell me it’s mine.”

Another smack followed, prompting you to cry out, “It’s yours, Seonghwa, all yours!”

After this repeated brazen act, your second orgasm was approaching quickly. Surely he could feel it with how frequently you were squeezing his dick, which was why you were stunned when he withdrew out of nowhere. But then you felt his mouth land on your pussy, licking and sucking like his life depended on it.

The shock of the new maneuver ultimately pushed you to your limit, fisting the sheets as you shouted. Seonghwa’s tongue didn’t let up as you trembled violently, pushing your body until it squirted its pleasure down your thighs.

“I love making a mess out of you,“ you heard Seonghwa mumble while continuing to lap at your dripping folds.

When you didn’t have any more to give, you became a pile of mush, flattening your body on the bed as you tried to come back down. While you were recovering, hands carefully maneuvered you until you were on your back again. Your lover immediately placed himself between your thighs again, his dick nudging against you before sliding in, making your legs shake at the overstimulation. But then he remained still once his hips touched yours, panting raggedly as he looked down at you.

Strands of ebony hair plastered to his sweat-beaded face, swollen lips parted as he caught his breath and dark eyes lidded, yet laser-focused on you.

He was…beautiful like this.

His brows raised in surprise all of a sudden, leaving you confused as to why he made that face until you realized that you said it out loud instead. The blunder made your cheeks burn as you grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

Seonghwa relaxed his expression into an affectionate smile and shook his head, leaning down to peck your lips.

“Don’t be. Although, I think that word suits you more than me.”

His deflection of your praise made you pout (even if you were highly flattered), giving his cheek a pinch in retaliation.

“I would argue with you about that, but I think we have something more important to worry about right now.”

A small shift of your hips was enough of a reminder, Seonghwa looking more focused now. As soon as you relaxed against the bed, he began to move again, bringing back sheer pleasure.

All you could focus on was him, watching every change in his expression and listening to every sound or word that came out of his mouth. Every inch of his skin that brushed against or stuck to yours only increased your desire for him.

It didn’t feel like enough to only have part of his body on yours, hands swiftly grasping his shoulders and tugging him down to lay flat on you, his lightly defined chest squishing down your breasts. This action prompted him to increase the power in his thrusts, hitting you in the deepest parts that you were unaware of before tonight.

In short, he was fucking you good.

When you clung harder to him and whimpered, he kissed your temple and whispered in your ear, “I know, baby. I’ve got you.”

And he kept his word.

Seonghwa often placed his lips wherever he could reach, although he favored your lips the most. His arms wrapped tight around your quivering body, keeping you steady as he rutted into you over and over. You felt safe and secure like this. Nothing else seemed to matter at this point, especially the conflict from earlier.

This was truly different than the first time.

No music. No expectations. No nerves. Just you and the man you had been slowly falling for for God knows how long.

When your walls began fluttering wildly, you knew the end was coming close. And so did Seonghwa when his deep voice vibrated against your ear, asking, “You’re gonna come?”

The heavy way he said that nearly drove you over the edge right then and there, but you swallowed the spit gathering in your mouth to pant, “Y-Yes— Are you—?“

The strained ‘yes’ he gave was paired with a strong twitch inside you, prompting you to frantically move your hips up to meet his, hoping to help. Both of your movements were uncoordinated yet effective, the tightening in your gut becoming unbearable until it snapped.

Your nails dug hard into his shoulder blades, an explosive cry of his name echoing in the heady air, quickly followed by Seonghwa bottoming out, only to groan audibly as he hit his peak also. Every spurt of his release that filled you up made you feel complete; something that you now had the privilege to experience as much as you wanted.

It felt like ages until the both of you decided to untangle from each other, Seonghwa barely lifting himself off as he withdrew and flopped next to your sweaty body. He didn’t let you stay apart from him for long, bringing you close to lay your head above his rapidly beating heart. A soft sigh escaped as you rested your hand on the other side of his chest, eyes heavy with bliss and exhaustion.

“That…I think that made up for the last month.”

Seonghwa’s weary remark made you giggle faintly, “It definitely did.”

You felt his chest vibrate under you before a kiss landed on the top of your head.

“Thank you for being honest with me earlier. Again, I’m sorry I put you through this,” he apologized.

Forcing your head to lift, you rested your chin on him as you looked into his eyes with no nonsense.

“Hwa, you couldn’t have known, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Seonghwa seemed like he was about to protest, but the steel in your gaze killed it, prompting him to sigh instead.

“Okay…but I will be trying to make it up to you.”

His promise intrigued you, giving him a curious look. “How so?”

“Hm…first things first, I need to take you out on a proper date.”

That made you chuckle and tease, “I think you’re supposed to go on a date before fucking someone’s brains out.”

Seonghwa clicked his tongue and snarked, “It’s the twenty-first century, I don’t think going in order is important anymore.”

Unable to fight with that, you decided to mess with him and suggest, “If that’s the case, then I expect the whole nine yards on our date.”

“Like what?”

“Walking up to my front door with a dozen roses, opening the car door for me, pulling out my chair at dinner, a moonlit walk by the river…”

Your exaggerated list made your lover laugh incredulously, griping with humor, “Wow, it’s only been a few hours and already my girlfriend is giving me a hard time.”

…oh! Girlfriend?

The label made your body feel warm and light, not expecting him to call you that so soon. But you played it cool and hummed, “Mm, am I your girlfriend now?”

“I would like to think that you are.”

His matter-of-fact statement made your ears burn, already enjoying the sound of the new title. You gave his nose a poke as you pestered him in jest, “Good. I got wasted off of rum punch and cried over you, I think it’s the least I deserve.”

All your boyfriend did was chuckle, eyes warm as he brought your hand up to place a long kiss on the back of it.

“That and everything more.”

For a moment, you thought your alarm was going off; sometimes you forgot to turn it off when you didn’t have work. But the music continued on for close to a minute, prompting you to pry your eyes open, wincing at the faint sunlight coming through your window.

You blindly reached a hand out to fumble around on the nightstand until you touched your phone, ready to hit snooze until you realized that someone was calling you.

Specifically, Ningning.

Attempting to clear the sleep out of your throat, you hit the answer button and brought the device up to your ear, croaking, “Hello?”

“Good morning, sunshine!” chirped your friend.

The chipper voice on the other end had you glancing at your alarm clock in bewilderment.

“Ning, you’re up already?”

“I know, I know, shocker. I woke up for a second and wanted to check up on you. How are you feeling?”

Touched at your friend’s concern, you relaxed under your comforter, rubbing your feet as you responded, “Good, thanks for asking. Sorry we left early.”

Ningning clicked her tongue before scolding, “No, don’t apologize. I wasn’t going to force you to stay if you weren’t feeling well.”

You heard some shuffling on the other end before she continued, “I’m guessing Seonghwa spent the night at your place?”

Your eyes glanced to the side at said man laying close to you, curled up on his side and snoring softly, a bit of drool on his parted lips. A tired smile graced your face as you reached out to gently wipe it away with your thumb.

“He did. I bet he’s still out cold,” you lied, acting as if he was in his usual spot on the couch and not in your bed.

Ningning giggled, “Not surprised, Jongho is still fast asleep too.”

That detail piqued your interest, raising a brow at how she would know that.

“Jongho?” you asked suspiciously.

Your friend became silent for a second before she spoke again, “Oh, uh, I texted him to let him know he left his sweater behind, but he didn’t answer. You know how much of an early bird he is.”

Even though her rushed tone and words sounded like an excuse, you didn’t have the energy to grill her. Next time.

“Right, right.”

A pause came about, making you lean towards saying goodbye to your friend so you could sleep in some more. That is, until Ningning sounded more serious as she probed, “You promise you’re okay, Y/N?”

You frowned at the shift in tone, replying, “I am. What’s wrong?”

“I just…last night you seemed, I don’t know, a bit troubled at one point. And I was shocked to see you get drunk and dance with us, but I didn’t want to pry too much.”

Oops. Guess you weren’t as candid as you thought. At least you could give her an honest answer now.

“Ning…I was feeling a little off last night, I’m not going to lie. It’s just some stuff that’s been piling up that got to me, but…it’s all good now. I got everything out of my system from letting loose and I promise I’m okay.”

You heard nothing for a moment before Ningning’s voice returned, sounding less cautious now, “So you’re feeling better now? Completely?”

When she asked that, you looked over at Seonghwa again.

Just being able to watch him sleep so peacefully close to you gave you a sense of calm. This was what you desired. What you had been waiting so long for.

With a glowing smile, you replied blissfully, “Yes, much better.”

©bangtanintotheroom, 2025. Crossposted to AO3. Do not repost to other sites or copy without permission.

[rmview]

dating another member’s older sibling, ATEEZ.

featuring — ateez members x gn!reader ( masterlist )

summary — an imagine of how the ateez boys sneak around when they’re secretly dating another member’s older sibling!

contents — fluff, no warnings.

hong ★ joong

hongjoong prided himself on his ability to keep a secret, and dating yunho’s older sibling in secret was no exception. he knew the chaos it would bring if yunho found out — he could already imagine the loud accusations and awkward silences. but that didn’t stop him from stealing precious moments with you whenever he could.

one afternoon, you had agreed to meet hongjoong in a quiet café across town, far from yunho’s usual haunts. he was already seated in the corner, a baseball cap pulled low over his face, when you walked in. his face lit up at the sight of you, and he couldn’t help but reach for your hand under the table once you sat down.

“you’re late,” he teased, his thumb brushing against your knuckles.

“traffic,” you replied, rolling your eyes before grinning. “yunho almost caught me leaving, too. he asked where i was going.”

hongjoong smirked. “what did you tell him?”

“that i was meeting a friend. which isn’t a lie, technically,” you said, leaning closer.

hongjoong chuckled softly, but his expression turned serious. “we need to be careful. he’s not stupid, and if he starts connecting the dots…”

“i know,” you said, squeezing his hand. “but this is worth it, joong. you’re worth it.”

he smiled, his heart swelling with affection. moments like these reminded him why he was willing to take the risk.

later, back at the dorms, hongjoong nearly had a heart attack when yunho suddenly asked, “have you been texting someone a lot lately? you’re always grinning at your phone.”

hongjoong kept his face neutral, glancing up from his laptop. “just group stuff. you know, schedules and all.”

yunho narrowed his eyes but didn’t push further. hongjoong let out a quiet sigh of relief. it was a delicate game they were playing, but as long as he could keep seeing you, he’d find a way to make it work.

seong ★ hwa

seonghwa wasn’t one for taking risks, but dating san’s older sibling secretly was an exception. he couldn’t bear to stay away, even if it meant sneaking around and dodging san’s sharp eyes.

one evening, you and seonghwa were sitting in his car, parked on a quiet street near your house. the windows were slightly fogged up from the cold, and seonghwa’s fingers brushed against yours as he passed you a cup of coffee he’d brought.

“san’s been suspicious lately,” you said with a sigh. “he keeps asking who i’m spending so much time with.”

seonghwa frowned, his brows knitting together. “what did you tell him?”

“that i’ve been busy with work,” you replied, shrugging. “but i don’t think he bought it.”

seonghwa’s lips twitched into a small smile. “you’re a terrible liar.”

you nudged him playfully. “i wouldn’t have to lie if you’d just tell him.”

“and deal with san glaring at me for the rest of my life? no, thanks,” seonghwa said, chuckling. but there was a nervous edge to his laugh.

he reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “i hate hiding this, but i hate the idea of losing you even more.”

your heart melted at his words, and you leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips.

when you finally pulled away, seonghwa sighed. “we’ll figure it out. i just… i need a little more time to figure out how to tell him without it turning into a disaster.”

yun ★ ho

yunho never thought he’d be the type to sneak around, but dating wooyoung’s older sibling required a level of stealth he hadn’t known he was capable of. the problem wasn’t just that wooyoung was protective — it was that wooyoung had a way of knowing everything.

one afternoon, yunho met you at a secluded park. you’d brought a picnic basket, and yunho spread out the blanket while keeping a wary eye out for anyone who might recognize him.

“this feels like a spy movie,” you said with a laugh, handing him a sandwich.

yunho grinned, his dimple showing. “yeah, except i’m a terrible spy. if wooyoung ever caught us, i’d fold in five seconds.”

you chuckled, shaking your head. “he’d probably strangle you first and ask questions later.”

yunho laughed, but the thought clearly made him nervous. “i wish we didn’t have to hide,” he admitted, his voice softer now. “i want to be able to hold your hand in public, take you out without looking over my shoulder.”

“we’ll get there,” you said, squeezing his hand. “wooyoung will come around. eventually.”

yunho nodded, though he wasn’t entirely convinced. that evening, back at the dorm, wooyoung flopped onto the couch next to him.

“you’ve been acting weird lately,” wooyoung said, squinting at him. “anything you want to tell me?”

yunho’s heart skipped a beat, but he forced a laugh. “weird? me? nah, you’re imagining things.”

wooyoung eyed him suspiciously, but yunho quickly changed the subject. as nerve-wracking as it was, sneaking around felt worth it when he was with you. one day, he’d find a way to make it right. for now, he cherished every stolen moment.

yeo ★ sang

yeosang was meticulous by nature, so sneaking around with seonghwa’s older sibling wasn’t something he took lightly. every moment together was carefully planned, from choosing meeting spots far from prying eyes to ensuring his phone notifications were silent when you messaged him.

one evening, the two of you were huddled in a corner booth of a small, dimly lit café. yeosang had chosen the spot specifically for its privacy. his fingers lightly traced circles on your hand as you sipped your coffee.

“seonghwa was asking about you today,” you said, your voice low.

yeosang froze for a moment, then raised an eyebrow. “what did he say?”

“that i’ve been smiling a lot more lately,” you replied, grinning.

yeosang’s lips twitched upward into a small smile. “you do have a beautiful smile.”

you rolled your eyes playfully, but his compliment made your heart flutter. yeosang’s gaze softened, and he reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

“i hate that we have to hide this,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “but seonghwa would never let me live it down if he found out.”

you leaned closer, resting your forehead against his. “it’s worth it, though. you’re worth it.”

yeosang smiled, a rare but genuine expression, and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

later, as he returned to the dorm, seonghwa glanced up from his book. “where’ve you been?”

“just out for some air,” yeosang replied smoothly, though his heart raced.

seonghwa didn’t seem convinced but didn’t press further. yeosang exhaled quietly, determined to keep your relationship under wraps a little longer.

san ★

san loved adventure, but sneaking around with hongjoong’s older sibling was a thrill of a different kind. it wasn’t just about the secrecy — it was about the stolen moments that felt like they were yours and yours alone.

one night, san picked you up in his car, driving out to a secluded spot by the beach. the two of you sat on the hood of the car, watching the waves crash against the shore.

“i almost got caught today,” you said, breaking the comfortable silence.

san turned to you, his eyebrows furrowing. “what happened?”

“hongjoong saw me texting you. i had to pretend it was a work thing,” you explained, laughing nervously.

san winced but chuckled. “you’re a terrible liar.”

you swatted his arm, but san caught your hand, intertwining your fingers. “i’ll tell him,” he said, his tone serious. “i just need to figure out the right time.”

you smiled, leaning your head on his shoulder. “i know you will. just… don’t wait too long, okay?”

san nodded, his free hand coming up to brush your hair back. “i won’t. you’re too important to me to keep this a secret forever.”

as the two of you sat there, the sound of the waves filling the silence, san knew he’d never let anyone come between you — not even hongjoong.

min ★ gi

mingi wasn’t exactly subtle, which made sneaking around with wooyoung’s older sibling a challenge. but despite the risk, he couldn’t stay away from you.

one evening, the two of you were sitting in his parked car, sharing takeout and laughing over something ridiculous mingi had said.

“wooyoung would kill us if he found out,” you said, half-joking.

mingi paused mid-bite, then grinned. “probably. but it’s not like he can stop me.”

you laughed, but the nervous edge in your voice didn’t escape him. mingi set his food down and reached for your hand. “hey, don’t worry. i’ll handle it when the time comes.”

“you make it sound so easy,” you muttered, leaning back in your seat.

“it’s not easy,” mingi admitted, his voice softening. “but you’re worth it. every single risk, every sneaky meetup — it’s all worth it.”

your heart swelled at his words, and you leaned over to kiss him.

later, back at the dorm, wooyoung eyed mingi suspiciously as he walked in. “you smell like perfume. who’ve you been with?”

mingi froze for a split second before forcing a laugh. “must’ve been the lady at the takeout counter. she was wearing a lot of it.”

wooyoung didn’t look convinced but didn’t press further. mingi let out a silent sigh of relief, already counting down the hours until he could see you again.

woo ★ young

wooyoung wasn’t one to do things halfway, whether it was performing on stage or sneaking around with seonghwa’s older sibling. the thrill of keeping your relationship a secret only made it more exciting for him, but there were moments when even he felt the weight of it.

one afternoon, the two of you met at a small arcade in a quiet neighborhood. wooyoung had insisted on the location, saying it was “too random for anyone to suspect.”

“come on, just one more game,” he pleaded, holding up a token.

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t suppress your smile. “you just want another chance to win after i crushed you last round.”

“crushed me?” wooyoung gasped dramatically, clutching his chest. “it was pure luck!”

as the two of you bantered, he leaned in closer, lowering his voice. “you’re really enjoying this, huh?”

you grinned. “maybe a little.”

wooyoung’s playful expression softened as he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “i just love seeing you happy,” he murmured, his tone unusually tender.

before you could respond, your phone buzzed. you glanced at the screen and froze.

“who is it?” wooyoung asked, peering over your shoulder.

“it’s seonghwa,” you said, your voice tight. “he’s asking where i am.”

wooyoung’s eyes widened, and he quickly ushered you out of the arcade. “we need to go. he knows my hangout spots too well.”

as the two of you hurried down the street, wooyoung chuckled nervously. “this sneaking around is going to give me gray hair.”

“then let’s tell him,” you said, stopping in your tracks.

wooyoung hesitated, looking into your eyes. “soon,” he promised, taking your hand in his. “just give me a little more time to figure out how to survive the fallout.”

despite the tension, his sincerity made your heart flutter.

jong ★ ho

jongho was the steady, reliable type, but even he wasn’t immune to the chaos of sneaking around with yunho’s older sibling. his practicality and calm demeanor often clashed with the secrecy, but he couldn’t imagine giving you up.

one evening, the two of you were sitting in a quiet park, sharing a bag of snacks under the dim glow of a streetlamp. jongho’s hand rested casually on your knee as he told you about his day.

“yunho almost caught me texting you earlier,” he said, his voice calm but laced with a hint of amusement.

your eyes widened. “what did he say?”

jongho smirked. “nothing. i told him i was texting a friend, and he bought it.”

you laughed, shaking your head. “you’re so chill about this.”

“i have to be,” he replied, squeezing your knee gently. “if i panic, you’ll panic, and then we’ll both give ourselves away.”

despite his calm exterior, jongho’s gaze softened as he looked at you. “i hate hiding this, though. you mean too much to me to keep you a secret forever.”

you smiled, leaning your head on his shoulder. “then let’s tell him. what’s the worst that could happen?”

jongho chuckled softly. “yunho giving me a lecture for the rest of my life, probably.”

the two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while before jongho spoke again. “i’ll tell him soon,” he said, his voice steady. “i just need to figure out how to do it without ruining everything.”

as the night wore on, jongho walked you back to your car, his hand never leaving yours. despite the secrecy, his quiet confidence and unwavering presence made you feel like everything would be okay.

notes: interesting request! thank you anon, and i hope this was to your liking <3

[holybibly]

Warnings: NSFW link in text / food play

Unholy thoughts of the day, my sweet bunnies: Inspired by a random NSFW video seen on Twitter, Seonghwa asks you to do something special for him tonight when you both are video chatting, which is fucking your pretty, pink cunt with a sweet and sticky strawberry lollipop.

It was something that Seonghwa had been dreaming about for a long time, but he had never dared to ask you to do it for him. But he could no longer resist his desires when yet another video of a girl fondling her pussy with a sweet, shiny lollipop appeared on his feed. His voice was so soft and velvety as he shyly asked you to show him how you fuck your sweet wet pussy. At first you were even surprised by his shyness as this was something you and Hwa had done more than once or twice, but when he added " with a lollipop" barely a breath, you could understand the reason for his behaviour.

At first you didn't quite understand how to do it. But after a few ( 1 / 2 ) videos Hwa sent you, you knew exactly what he wanted you to do.

Seonghwa moans softly as he strokes his big cock and watches as you slowly slide the bright red strawberry lolly between the wet and sticky folds of your aroused pussy. His tongue darts out to hungrily lick his sensual, plump lips as he watches your labia lewdly parting around the lollipop, allowing it to slide deeper into your cunt before you run it up your slit, and tapping it weakly against your swollen clit.

"Oh, Fuck." He runs the pad of his thumb over the swollen, leaking head of his cock, biting his bottom lip to muffle his pathetic whimpers. Especially when you pull the lollipop away from your pussy and show him the long, shiny strands of your sweet goo left behind.

"I bet you wish you were between my legs at the moment." You want to sound cocky, but the thought of Hwa's long tongue wriggling in your pussy and fucking your hole makes you moan and whine. All you do is stroke yourself with the lollipop and you're already such a fucking mess.

"You have no idea how badly I want to do this, my angel. So fucking badly." His hand slides along the wet, thick length and he licks his lips again, like a cat looking at thick cream. "Come closer, love. I want to see all of you." He whispers as he unconsciously moves closer to the screen of the laptop.

You do as you're told and when your cunt is almost in front of the camera, you finally insert the lollipop into your tight, slippery hole. Seonghwa has to bite the hem of his black tank top to muffle his loud howl at the sight of your pussy greedily swallowing the smooth roundness of the lollipop. You moan, slowly fucking yourself with the candy before slowly pulling the strawberry treat out. The soft edges of your hole lick the glossy, sweet surface and when the lollipop is completely out of you with a wet, squelching "pop", Seonghwa squeezes the base of his cock roughly to keep from coming on the spot at the sight of the stream of mucus flowing out of your hole, which you collect on the lollipop and bring to your mouth to lick it all off.

"I hope you're going to be here with me next time, baby, so we can clean up that lollipop together."

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

CODE L-O-V-E

Chapter One: crUSh

❥ ATEEZ x fem reader

Preparing to be an idol isn't easy, but you didn't expect it to be. Endless hours of practice, unlimited amounts of pressure from every eye on you, stereotypes to fit yourself into, all of that was expected. What was not expected, however, is the co-workers you can't seem to shake.

➽-❥in this chapter: Your first few days with the official status "pre-debut" go... semi-smoothly(?) and you find yourself bonding with your members and your co-workers. (Mingi, Yeosang, and Seonghwa focused with appearances from San, Hongjoong, and Wooyoung.)

➯a/n: what can i say... seriously what can i say to make myself look sane lmao BUT YALL VOTED ON THIS AND IT WAS OVERWHELMINGLY "yeas", so enjoy it ya filthy animals! this is just the tippy top of the iceberg, buckle up

♫ "The code is L-O-V-E!" ♫

✫彡wordcount: 10.5k

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: SLOW burn yandere

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: SLOW BURN, yall this is so slow im warning you, korean culture, brief description of a light injury, self doubt, ateez don't know what the words "personal space" mean, falling fast and hard, playful teasing, yandere tendencies are just a whisper in this chapter but they'll quickly start YELLING 🚩

MDNI

➯a/n 2: this is a bit different than my previous stories because the life of a kpop idol is very public, and thus a lot of information has to be known about the reader(who is becoming an idol) but i also want all of my stories to be as inclusive as possible !! so here is the baseline information: reader is 22, no description of race or appearance in general other than shorter than hwa and mingi, from a war-torn country(unspecified, more to come later), has distant relatives in korea (again, unspecified: related by marriage or adoption is probably the case), speaks fluent korean(as well as english and some chinese), is a musical prodigy, and is generally ambi-verted and a natural leader

✩index: sunbae(nim) - a senior or mentor higher in the social hierarchy and having more experience than you. hubae(nim) - someone with less experience than you. unnie - a casual term for women to call another older than them. hyung - a casual term for males to call another older than them. ssi - someone on the same level as you but slightly older or younger. nim - used at the end of someone's name or title to show respect. ahjumma - a middle aged woman.

dialogue not spoken in korean will be italics, singing/rapping will be romanized and bold, texts or writing will be smaller.

with all of that finally out of the way... let the journey begin !

⋆.ೃ:･달려가 CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

The beginning of the rest of your life is behind this door.

     You're finally losing your training wheels and moving into the big leagues so to speak, even though the company you now officially work for is relatively small. One year, six months, and seven days after you were accepted, you were properly set to debut.

    You were bouncing off of the walls at the news last night, nearly unable to sleep from your excitement. So why, now, are you standing infront of the door to the practice room unable to move?

    Jisu, your manager, informed you that the group that was being built would be called 'crUSh'. And that was the name on the little plaque next to the room.

    "Is it locked?"

    "Oh my god!" You yell, startled from your trance as you quickly turn to face the voice. 

    A few long steps away is an imposingly tall man that you immediately recognize as Song Mingi from the few times he'd came to help trainees with their rap and dance.

    "I'm so sorry," you bow repeatedly, making the man chuckle, "you startled me."

    "It's okay," he offers softly as he extends his hand, "Mingi, ATEEZ."

   "Ah, nice to formally meet you," you shake his hand eagerly, hoping to make a good impression — minus the fact that he had seen you having a staring contest with a door. "Ye (Y/n), crUSh."

    "You're the first one to get here I think," he takes a look into the empty room as he joins your side, his arm brushing against your shoulder, "should I get the keys? They should have unlocked it-"

    Before he can walk away, you muster up the courage to admit, "I haven't tried the door yet."

   "Uh? Well why not?"

    You look down at the floor as he looks down at you, awaiting your answer as you bite your cheek, "it still doesn't feel real."

   He makes a noise of understanding, nodding as he inspects you casually, "how long have you been a trainee, Ye-ssi?"

   "One year, six months, and seven days." He raises his eyebrows at the quickness with which you answer, making you laugh a little and a joke, "but who's counting, right?"

    He smiles at you before looking to the door again, "well, I think you've more than earned this then, right?" He turns the doorknob and swings the door open slowly. "Welcome to KQ, officially," he can't help but smile wider as you step in hesitantly, giving him another bow as you pass.

     There's a sparkle in your eyes that doesn't go unnoticed by your new co-worker. The same sparkle he sees in Hongjoongs eyes when he's producing, in Yunho when he's dancing, in all of them while they perform. The glint of passion.

     "Mingi-ya!!"

    He's a bit sad to see the shine in your eyes gone when you blink at the sound, turning away from admiring the room to face him, "ah, I'm sorry, Mingi-nim, I probably kept your members waiting on you."

    "Don't worry about it," he waves you off with a chuckle, "Wooyoung is on his fourth coffee so I had to get away before he blew out my ear drums."

    It takes you a few fleeting seconds before you fully translate what he said, and then you hold your hand over your mouth to stop the snort of laughter that leaves you. He leans against the doorway with a grin, looking you over again.

    "Song Mingi! Where are you? Don't make me come after you!"

    "Ah, well," he begins as he pushes off the wall and reaches for your hand again, "I should go before they come looking and bombard you. If you need anything, our practice room is just two doors over. I look forward to seeing what you can do."

    "Thank you, Mingi-nim," you shake his hand again and bow, "I'll do my best."

    "I don't doubt it."

   He spins to leave you to your own devices, catching himself leaning back before he goes, "and Ye-ssi?"

   "Uh?" You look up to him as you take your small backpack off, already itching to warm up.

    "You don't have to call me that," he flashes you a gummy smile that almost makes you swoon, "Mingi-ssi is okay with me. We both worked hard to get here."

    "Ah, okay, okay," you nod quickly, not wanting to offend him by being overly formal, "thank you, Mingi-ssi."

⋆.ೃ:･CAN'T STOP MY CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

     "Let's go girls!" Jisu claps from the middle of the room, watching the seven of you run around in circles as you sing to the songs blasting on the stereo. "C'mon, push yourselves! Sunji, I can't hear you!"

      The young girl infront of you, who you've already lapped once, is clearly struggling. As are a few others — but the youthful girl tugs at your heart strings. Choi Sunji is the youngest of the group, only turning 17 in a few months. Everyone falls somewhere in the 25-19 age group besides her.

    Which makes it sadder to see her falling behind on the very first day. "Sunji, let's go! You got this!" Wu Bongcha, the eldest shouts over the music before resuming her singing. The twenty five year old is the only other foreigner, which you immediately bonded over.

You all recognized one another from your days spent as trainees, but you never really spoke to one another; too busy trying to secure yourselves a spot in the first girl group that KQ would debut.

"Don't give up!" Second eldest, Lee Aeyoung is next to chime in, though she's struggling herself.

Sunji doesn't give up, but is instead made to forfeit as she trips and skids along the floor on her knees.

"Oh no!"

"Oh, fuck!"

Jisu rushes to her side, as do you. Bongcha runs and cuts off the music, and then joins the rest of them in staring — not knowing what to do.

"Are you okay?" Jisu asks softly as she rubs the girls back, taking a glance at her knees and hissing, "oh, I'm sorry, Sunji. Here, here come sit down."

You wrap the girls arm around your shoulders and help her to the bench at the back of the room as you asses the damage. It's nothing that will keep her from walking, but it will definitely cause the girl some pain as she does so. Her knee caps are red and littered with scratches from the friction; and you can only be thankful that the floor is smooth.

You can see unshed tears lining her eyes, and you pat her shoulder with a pout, "do you need anything?"

"Uhm," she sniffs, "could you get me a water, please?"

"Of course, I'm on it." You dash out of the door, making a bee line for the refrigerator at the end of the hall, hearing your manager tell everyone to take ten.

You fill your arms with waters from the stocked fridge, having noticed only a few of the others brought their own. You had always been provided water in the trainee building, so you aren't shocked that this isn't any different.

You stop a few steps from the door, still for a moment before you turn back around and go two doors down.

The door is cracked open, and you can hear light chatter from within. You don't see him through the window, but you hear the deep rumble of his voice.

You slip in unnoticed until you speak up, "excuse me."

Four pairs of eyes are on you at once, confused as to what you're doing in their practice room practically folding youself in half with how deep your bow is. "Hello, I'm very sorry to interrupt," you begin to ramble, holding the cold waters for your members close to your chest as you face the floor, "ah, Mingi-ssi, you said to let you know if we needed anything..."

"Yeah, of course," he replies quickly before speaking to the others, "this is Ye (Y/n), the early bird." You don't have time to digest the fact that he told them all about you, you simply give them another bow, this time smaller. "What can I help with?"

"You see, one of our members fell while we were running and she scraped her knees up pretty badly. I was wondering if there might be a first aid kit around? I- I would look for it myself but we're only on a ten minute break and I want to get her cleaned up before we start again so she doesn't fall behind-"

"Hey, hey, calm down," Mingi chuckles softly, standing from his resting spot on the floor, "there's one in the bathrooms, I'll show you."

"Ah, thank you so much, Mingi-nim!" You thank him profusely as you follow him out of the room, leaving the three remaining men in shocked silence.

"That was cute," Wooyoung finally breaks the quiet, "looks like Mingi got himself a puppy," he laughs loudly, standing up as well and stretching his arms above his head.

"She seemed sweet, you see all the waters she was carrying?" Seonghwa smiles as he follows suit, recalling the way you held the bottles to your chest.

"Yeah, and so many formalities, you can tell she hasn't been in Korea long, she was so afraid to offend us. Ah," Hongjoong sighs wistfully, "remember when Xikers were like that? Now it's 'Hyung! Hyung, buy me lunch!' Gosh, they grow up so fast." His words make the duo laugh as he gets up with a groan. "Let's go see how the newbies are doing."

By the time they come to stand in the doorway, you've already returned with the waters and first aid in tow. The others are sipping and resting against the walls, while you're kneeled down infront of the injured member.

"Little sting," you whisper before quickly wiping the girls knees, barely giving her a chance to register the pain before you're blowing cool air over it to sooth it.

"Thanks, Un-" She stops herself and looks away embarrassedly, fingers tapping on the bench.

"It's okay, you can call me Unnie. We'll be working together for a long time, right?" You hum kindly as you cover the scratches with two large bandaids, "so let's not be too formal with each other."

"Okay," she nods reassured, handing you your untouched water. "Then I should tell you that you should drink, Unnie."

"Hm, touché." You grin as you take it, downing half in one breath as you fall back onto your bottom to rest. "Ah, I have some Tylenol in my bag-" when you go to stand back up and get it, it appears in your face.

Courtesy of Mingi, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere just like he did in the morning, "here you go, Huebae."

"Oh," you blink in shock before taking it, "thank you."

"Hello," Sunji greets him politely, as do the others as they notice his presence. The others in the hall go unnoticed, probably on purpose as they watch from afar how you interact with everyone; curiosity clear on their faces.

You hand some Tylenol to the girl and pat her shoulder before looking up at Mingi, having to tilt your head back. "Sorry again for intruding on you, Mingi-ssi. I was just worried about Sunji here." You apologize once more as you dig out your phone from your bag. Mingi briefly notes the fact that you have twelve messages from the same person, and the way you smile at that.

"It's nothing to worry about, we were taking a break anyways. As long as the door is open, you're welcome to come in." He pauses for a second before he looks around, almost like he forgot the others were there, "that goes for you all as well."

    "Okay girls," Jisu claps, headed back to the front of the room.

    "Ah, duty calls," you huff as you jump up, helping Sunji onto her feet as she wobbles, "thanks again, Sunbaenim! I owe you."

     "Owe me?"

     "Yeah, I'll take you for lunch or something! Taking so much of your time on my first day, I must seem like a wreck." You laugh, but Mingi thinks anything but that. He thinks you have leader material written all over you, and you obviously have a passion for idol work.

      "Okay," he grins as he moves to leave, "I'll hold you to that."

      "Okay, let's go easy with some flexibility stretches," he hears Jisu instructing you all as he closes the door, coming face to face with Seonghwa's large smile.

     "What's that look for?"

    Wooyoung and Hongjoong are smirking as well, and it takes him a moment until he catches onto the fact that they think he was flirting with you. "Pssh, you guys don't know me better than that? I wouldn't flirt with a junior, especially one from our company."

    "Uh-huuuuh," Wooyoung teases as he turns on his heel and heads back to their room.

     "Seriously!"

   Seonghwa wraps his arm around Mingis neck, messing with his younger member, "Mingi-ya, are we invited to lunch too?"

    "You guys got the wrong idea!" He pouts as his cheeks and ears become flushed, quickly blaming it on the broken air conditioning in the hallway.

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

       The building is nearly empty at this hour, only one or two floors lit up. One of them is the practice floor, where you have been all day long.

    Your manager was long gone, your new members filtering out after her.

     They'd told you to get home safe and rest well, but you were too wired to even think about leaving.

    You had the music on considerably quieter, but your footsteps and voice carried through the floor as the cracked door went unnoticed in your focused state; left that way as Bongcha chased Aeyoung while begging her to teach her a specific dance move.

   "Shit," you curse as you stumble, rewinding the music ten seconds and trying again — only to do the same thing. "Son of a bitch! Ugh, Mom was right, you never work well when you're frustrated." You grumble to yourself as you switch the music to something much slower.

    You lower yourself to lay flat on the cool floor and groan as you catch your breath. Quickly, thanks to more than a year of KQ's intense stamina training, you're back to breathing evenly as you stare up at the fluorescent lights, letting the music vibrate your bones.

     "Nareul wihae fight for my life. Mudyeojimi iksukan sesangeseo," you belt out the lyrics, eyes closed as you appreciate the echo of the room. "Nawa haruman simjang bakkwo jul saram eodido eomn-AH!" You squeal as you reopen your eyes and find a man staring down at you.

You slide away on the smooth floor and quickly stand as you realize it's not just any man, but a member of your older group of seniors. He backs up, hands infront of himself, similarly startled.

"Ah, I'm sorry!"

"I'm so sorry!"

You both apologize at the same time, almost knocking your heads together as you bow in unison.

You bow again when he straightens up, showing him respect after you just screamed in his face. "My apologies," you offer a small smile, and he returns it.

"No, it's my fault, I kind of snuck up on you there," he shakes his head, gesturing for you to stand, "I just heard you singing while I was leaving and came to get a clearer listen. Your voice is nice."

"Oh, really?" You feel a heat on your cheeks, turning to get your bottle, "that's nice of you to say..." You pause as you try to recall his name.

"Oh, Kang Yeosang! You must be... ah, Ye (Y/n)?"

"Yes, nice to meet you, Kang-nim-"

"Please, please, that's way too formal! Yeosang is fine, or Sunbae. We'll probably see a lot of each other," he interrupts quickly, going on to explain himself, "no matter how long I do this, I never get used to being called that."

You turn back to him and nod in understanding, "of course. I get that, yesterday a little kid called me Ajumma and I almost cried."

He laughs softly and observes you as you cut off the music to be able to hear each other. "How old are you, Huebae?"

"I'm 22, 23 this year."

"Ah, not too much younger then," he wanders to the bench, sitting a good few feet away from you as you settle back on the floor, pulling your bag over to you, "your pronunciation is really good, aren't you a foreigner?"

You nod as you pull out a granola bar, offering him one to which he politely declines. "I lived out of the country for most of my life, but some of my family is Korean so I've always spoke bits and pieces. I moved here two... maybe three years ago?"

"Well, that explains it! You aren't really a foreigner, two years in Korea, you're practically a citizen," his words make you smile, and you find your cheeks sore from how much you've done that today. "Why did you move here?"

You're happy to find that the conversation flows naturally between you and Yeosang. "I have some distant relatives here that I moved in with. My home country isn't the safest at the moment, so they took me in. I'm still learning Korean customs and things, so hopefully I fit in well enough."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that... I'm glad you have your family to take care of you. And I'm sure you'll fit in, Mingi told me about how you came to him for help with one of your members."

"That's embarrassing," you face palm with a huff, "barging into another teams room because I don't know where the first aid kit is."

"What? No," he shakes his head firmly, "I think it was smart. Hurry to someone who can help so that no member gets left out. I think it's smart, not embarrassing." He speaks sincerely, making you look down at the floor with a thoughtful pout. "And it's a very Korean thing to do, taking care of people younger than you even if you might not know them well."

"Ah, I guess I can't argue with that," you slide across the floor and toss your wrapper in the bin.

"How long have you been a trainee at KQ?" He asks, resting his chin in his hand. He and you both are sweaty from your individual practices, your hair in two messes. Since he's in the same boat as you, you don't feel self conscious as he looks at you somewhat intently.

"Going on a two years soon." You beam proudly, finishing your water so it can meet the same fate as your wrapper.

"Really?! How come I don't remember seeing you around the trainee building? I'm in and out of there pretty often."

"I usually keep my head down," you giggle at his bewildered expression, "not the best trait for a wanna-be idol, I know."

"Hm, that's fair. Being introverted in life won't hold you back though, as long as you don't hide on stage." He provides reassurance from experience, you can tell. "Why is it you want to be an idol?"

"Oh, uhm," you stretch your legs out infront of you, nearly knocking your feet with his, "it's a long story. But the short version is I love music. I always have. And I want to make something for others to love, too." You fidget for a second before you speak again, "can I ask you something, Sunbae?"

He nods, eagerly awaiting your question, and when he hears it it takes him a moment to really think about it. "How does it feel? Singing, dancing infront of so many people?"

"Well, to me... it's like- it's sort of like this huge feeling of pride in myself, and my members. Showing all of my hard work in something that people can watch and enjoy. There's nothing like it, really. You'll have to wait and see for yourself," he finishes with a soft, lopsided grin, ignoring the non stop buzzing of his phone in favor of watching you take in his words and try to imagine them.

"Yeah. I'll have to see for myself, I can't wait."

"That's the spirit!" He says as he jumps up, heading to the computer desk in the corner and ripping a small piece from a discarded paper, "if you ever need a fellow introvert to talk to, any advice or help practicing, here's my number."

"Oh, seriously?" You stand quickly and take the paper with both hands, bowing to him once again, "thanks, Sunbaenim. You're very kind."

"Ah, it's nothing. We have to stick together, we're outnumbered," he jests as he heads to the door, "I have to head out now. You should do the same, (Y/n)-hubae. Go home and get some rest, the practice room isn't going anywhere."

"I will, Yeosang-sunbaenim. Goodnight."

You watch him go for a moment before you look down at the paper, putting it in your bag for safe keeping.

⋆.ೃ:･I FEEL YOU CALLIN' ME𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

   The next day, you're the first member there again.  You flip on the harsh lights and observe the nearly barren room.

    With a small pout, you toss your bag to the floor and begin stretching.

    Sunji is next, giving you a small bow before joining you in silence.

   Hwan Namseon, the second youngest, comes after. Then its eldest member Bongcha coming in with a loud greeting of good morning. Kim Eunhwa, the only other seemingly introverted member slips in and joins. Han Yoomi hops in with a grin. Aeyoung is last to come, apologizing that her bus had a flat tire as she quickly jumps into the line that's formed behind you as you lead the stretches.

"Hey, where do you think Manager-nim is? It's twenty past eight, she doesn't seem like the type to be late without letting us know." Aeyeong questions with a groan as she touches her toes to mimic the rest of you.

"Ah, really?" You glance at the clock on the wall. You turn away from the wall of mirrors and face them, "should we text her?"

Unbeknownst to you all, Jisu was in the security room watching you on the live feed from the camera at the top of the mirrors usually reserved for taking dance videos. To see what you would do when left to our own devices.

"Yeah, I'll text her and let her know we're all waiting for her," Bongcha leaves the group to grab her phone from the bench, quickly texting the older woman. "Manager-nim," she mumbles out loud as she types.

"What should we do while we wait?" Namseon asks with a glance thrown your way.

"Uhm," you think with a thoughtful frown, "why don't we do an exercise? I'm sure she'll be here soon!"

"Like what?" Eunhwa looks up, fiddling with her sleeves as she speaks just above a whisper.

"I have an idea!" Yoomi jumps with a hand in the air, looking towards you with big eyes.

"Yeah," you laugh a bit as she waits for your permission, gesturing for her to continue.

"Dance-build. We did it at my elementary school. One person does a dance move, and the second person adds to it, and it just keeps going until someone messes up- and that person is out! It could help us with remembering choreography."

"That sounds like it could be fun!" Aeyoung claps, "rock, paper, scissors for the order! Rock, paper, scissors, go!"

A few minutes and a fight about if gun is allowed and if so does it beat rock (it isn't, but it would) later, the order is decided and you begin copying and building off of each other as some dance music plays from Bongchas phone.

Eunhwa, you, and Bongcha move past your turns pretty quickly, watching as Namseon tries to remember the moves and execute them properly. She moves her legs in a different way than Bongcha did, and Aeyoung shouts, "eeeh! Namseon, out!"

"What?! Dang it, what did I do wrong?"

Bongcha repeats the last movement and Namseons eyes widen, "ah, I wasn't looking at your legs!" She slumps before shuffling to take a seat on the wall.

"It's okay," you smile her way, "you can be the referee now!"

You begin again, as Namseon watches everyone like a hawk. It goes Eunhwa, you, Bongcha, Aeyoung, Sunji, Yoomi. Eunhwa, you, and then Bongcha messes up.

At some point, it becomes just you and Aeyoung going back and forth adding more and more dance moves as the others cheer. Clearly, you guys will be the main dancers with how many moves you're doing without even a hint of struggle of remembrance.

"Our Unnies are so cool," Namseon whispers to Sunji, who nods with a wide smile.

A loud chime comes through the speakers, and Bongcha dives for her phone, "its Manager-nim! She said she's on the way, five minutes."

"Good," you pant softly, hands on your knees. "I don't know how long I could keep up with you, Aeyoung-ssi!" You share a laugh with the slightly older girl, who pats your shoulder as she mimics your pose to catch her breath as well.

"Aisssh, says you! You were so fast coming up with moves I could barely keep up!"

"Bongcha-ssi, will you hand us our waters?" You pant softly, wiping your brow as you sit with your newfound dance partner.

"Here you go," she smiles as she hands them over, going on to ask you two about some dance moves.

Small chatter continues as you rest until Jisu enters, "hello, everyone!"

"Hello," you all greet with your various degrees of bows, standing up and beginning to conquer your training for the day.

⋆.ೃ:･널 향한 낯선 VIBE𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

"How are your knees feeling, Sunji-ya?" You ask with a casual nickname thrown her way as you join her in waiting for the elevator.

During the few hours of your second practice together, the seven of you grew more and more comfortable with each other as the ice was broken.

"Oh, they're okay! Thank you for taking care of me yesterday, Unnie. I'm sure it was scary asking our seniors for help on the first day, I'm sorry about that."

"Oh, they're not so bad," you nudge her shoulder with a grin, "nothing to be afraid of." You enter the elevator together, and you ask, "going to the cafeteria?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." You press the button for the second floor, where the cafeteria and locker rooms reside.

"Ditto, let's eat together, yeah?"

Her smile pulls at your heartstrings as you enter the vast and open room. With only two doors, one with a male figure and one with a female figure: which had previously never been used, but now you see your members coming and going. Being the first girl group in the company was a weird feeling. Everyone was kind, but everyone was also waiting to see if you would be a massive failure.

Two younger boys nod their heads in greeting as you pass. You and Sunji bow back, a small and polite, "hello, Sunbaenims," coming from the girl which makes them smile.

The tables are far too many for all of the people you've met or know work here, but you know that it's a growing company. Still, it's oddly quiet with only the two Xikers boys and a handful of the Ateez members eating and conversing.

"Why don't you get us some food and I'll get us a cold drink?"

     Sunji scoops some rice and broccoli into two bowls and goes to claim a table for you both, not completely isolated but far enough away to give the men their own space.

     "Here you go," you slide her a glass of iced tea and sit across from her at the rectangular table, eyeing the way she has the lesser filled bowl infront of her. "Thought you were starving?"

    She nods, going to stop you from swapping your bowls, "ah, it's okay, Unnie! I should loose some weight before we start recording things-"

    "Tsk," you suck your teeth and swap the bowls despite her polite protesting, "you're still growing. You need to eat well."

    "Well, but-"

    "No buts," you give her a stern glare as you take a large bite, "I won't let our maknae wither away."

    "Maknae," she giggles, taking a spoonful with a bright smile, "it's weird to be the youngest. I'm the oldest of my siblings, actually."

     "Yeah? How many siblings do you have?" You converse smoothly as you eat, making sure she gets her fill.

As you laugh at her story of how her little brother cried harder than she did at the news of her official status of pre-debut, one of the men you briefly met yesterday approaches with a small head bow.

You and Sunji nod back, with you greeting him, "hello, Park-nim." You know his name, thankfully remembering him from an encounter you had in the trainee building.

"Hello, may I sit?" Seonghwa asks with a soft smile, gesturing to the table.

"Yeah, of course!" Sunji nods quickly, blushing in the presence of your pretty senior. "Nice to meet you," she beams, and you can't hold back a smile of your own at her eagerness.

"Nice to meet you, too. How has Jisu-nim been treating you all?" He inquires as he sits on your side of the table.

    "She's great! She pushing us to be our very best," the girl says, and you nod in agreement as he looks to you for your opinion as well.

    "That's good to hear. She's been waiting a long time to have a group of her own to manage, so I'm sure she'll treat you well. She came up with your concept and everything on her own, worked with Hongjoong for days on your title song."

    Both of you freeze with bites half in your mouths, and he realizes he's said something he probably shouldn't have as the young girl leans over the table with wide eyes, nearly toppling over as she asks him with urgency, "our debut song is already planned?!"

 

      "Sunji-ya!" You scold her, slapping her arm, "I apologize for her, Park-nim, we haven't been told about that yet, you see." He laughs as you force the shell-shocked girl back into her seat.

     "Ah, well I'm glad to be the one to tell you!"

      He feels a spark of energy as he sees both of your excitement, yours especially as you try to hide it with a nonchalant expression as you ask, "could you, maybe, could you tell us about it?"

     "Oh, I'm not in the production team," he begins, "but from what I've seen it's a very cute concept. Some lore has been tossed around but nothing solid. Hmm, what else?" He hums as he takes a bite of his food, feeling both of you looking at him expectantly. "Oh! Yeah, the song. I've heard some snippets of the instrumentals and it sounds very upbeat. I haven't gotten a glance at the lyrics but they're finalizing them right now, actually. Maybe you'll get your first look today."

     "Ah!" Sunji squeals into her hands before diving over the table to hug you, "I'm so excited!" She bounces out of her seat and bows to Seonghwa like she's been snapped in half before running away, leaving you both confused. "Thank you, Park-nim! Ah, I have to tell the others!"

     You watch her go with your jaw slacked before you grumble, "that little jerk left her dishes."

     Seonghwa goes into a fit of laughter at the seriousness on your face, the sound making you remember he was still there. "Ah, sorry," you give a little laugh of your own, "I guess our maknae is very excited to debut."

     "It's okay," he says between breaths of laughs, placing a hand on his chest, "whew! She's definitely going to be the mood maker."

    "Right? No kidding, that kid has energy like she just chugged seven Red-Bulls in a row."

     You share another chuckle, comfortable silence taking over as you finish your meals. When he goes to stand and take his dishes, you quickly stuff your last bites into your mouth and shake your head.

     He leans back as you collect all of the dishes on the table, his included. He watches as you scrape any remnants into the bin and set them all ontop with the others. "Thank you," he nods as you come back around with a smile, headed towards the elevator, "going back up to the practice rooms?" He asks as he joins you in waiting.

    "Yes, thank you again for telling us about the debut, I'm sure everyone will be happy to know."

"Ah, it's the least I could do, I know the feeling." He sighs as he presses the button, looking over his shoulder at you as the doors close. "You think you'll fit a cute concept?" 

"Oh, yes," you nod at lightning speed, "a lot of our members are light on their feet and good with facial expressions that will go well with that. Our second youngest, Namseon, has an adorable gummy smile that will be just perfect. Oh- my Unnies both have insane charisma, it's like they were born for the stage! And you met Sunji, she's a ball of sunshine. I think they'll do well."

He waits, gesturing for you to continue.

"Sorry, I rambled a bit! I'm done," you scratch the back of your neck and push past as the doors open, "thanks again-"

"What about you?" He asks before you can get away, gently laying a hand on your shoulder to stop you just outside of the elevator. "You said 'they'll' do good, but what about you?"

"Uh? Me?" You look down, clearly caught off guard as he asks about how you'll do, "I dunno, actually. I never thought about what concept I could fit..."

As if he senses your anxiety (because he does, it's a bit hard to miss), he smiles reassuringly down at you, "don't worry, I think you'll fit your group's concept just fine. You have that charm, y'know?"

    "Charm?"

   "Mhm! Something about you that's just... cute!" He feels a heat creeping up on his cheeks, and you see it.

"You think I'm cute?" You peek to his hand, still resting on your shoulder; and he quickly removes it when you do.

When he notices your eyes lingering on his flushed cheeks, he starts walking away, quickly headed to their practice room. "Aisssh, Mingi was right, we need to fix the air conditioning in the hall. Don't worry, you'll be perfect!"

⋆.ೃ:･간절히 FIND, FIND OUT𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

As soon as the door to the practice room slams shut: Seonghwa crouches and places his head between his knees, then his hands over his head. "Ahhhh!" He groans loudly, calling San's attention up from his phone.

"Jesus, what happened to you? You look like a tomato."

"I can never show my face to our crUSh hubae again!" He shouts from his crouched position, refusing to move even as he hears the door open and feels someone step over him.

"Don't mind meeee," Mingi says as he vaults over, "I'm not apart of this, just want my notebook."

"Are you sure you don't want in on this? Hyung embarrassed himself infront of one of the girls- or multiple? My bets on multiple."

Mingi stops with his notebook in hand, leaning against the wall next to San, "again? Is this a 'accidentally call everyone the wrong name' situation repeat?"

"Ahhhh," he groans again, slumping against the door and revealing his face to the two.

"Wait, that's not an embarrassment blush! That's a crush blush!" Seonghwa curses the fact that they've spent that much time together, they even know the difference between each others blushes.

"Crushing on crUSh, Hyung? You made fun of me for that!"

"I am not 'crushing', I'm not a schoolboy!"

"You are too! Who is it? Tell us!"

"Tell us, tell us, tell us," they go on to chant, San clapping with amusement as Seonghwa hides his face with his hands, "tell us, tell us, tell us!"

"Yah! Fine, I'll tell you-" he's cut off by their cheers "-but if you so much as even think about telling a single soul, I will-" cut off again:

"Yeah, yeah, get on with it!"

He takes a deep breath, leaning his head against the door, "I was talking with Ye (Y/n) just now." Mingi tilts his head and smirks as he continues. "She was worried that she wouldn't fit into the groups cute concept... so I told her that she was cute." San whistles. "While I had my hand on her shoulder." San whistles louder before cackling.

"Man, you are horrible with women!"

"It came out of my mouth before I could think!"

"At least you didn't give her your number, Yeosang beat you to it."

"Woah, woah, back up — when the hell did that happen?" Mingi finally pipes up, eyebrows bunched together, "is he The Flash all the sudden? He's been with us all day!"

"Last night, dummy." San rolls his eyes, "is he The Flas- ow!" He punches Mingi's leg after he kicks him, glaring up at him from the floor.

"Did he actually?" Seonghwa tilts his head, thinking about the introverted member. "He's usually really shy around girls."

"Not as shy as you, Mr.Tomato," San makes both of them chuckle before he goes on to say, "he said he heard her singing after all her members left and went to complement her. They talked a little bit and he gave her his number if she ever needed anything, so he sayssss- but he was blushing too."

"Damn, Sang has game," Mingi slides down the wall to join San, letting out a little sigh which makes the man next to him perk up.

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on-"

"Don't!"

San goes on despite Mingi's protest, "is Ye (Y/n) the one Wooyoung called your puppy?! The girl you said was 'suuuuper ni-' yah, quit hitting me!"

Mingi glares, and San glares back.

"She is super nice," Seonghwa breaks their intense staring contest as they both turn to him. "She made sure the member that got hurt yesterday was taken care of so she didn't fall behind, she cleaned up all of our dishes after her member ran off, she even knew all about her groups killing points. She didn't even mention herself when I asked how everyone would fit into their concept, just went on about how well everyone else would do."

After a moment of quiet, the younger men digesting his words, San hums, "she can't be that sweet, to have three of you crushing in not even a few days?"

    "There's something about her, man," Mingi pushes back his hair, "she had a literal sparkle in her eye when she saw their practice room for the first time. Like- like a cartoon princess!"

   "Yes, the sparkle! She had it when she was talking about her members, too!"

    "You guys are whipped, no one is this... enchanting! Enchanting, that's it!" San would be eating his words in less than forty-eight hours.

   Seonghwa shakes his head, "she might be- woah!" He falls back into the hall as someone opens the door, landing with a thud.

      "What's going on?" Wooyoung asks as he takes in the scene. Seonghwa and Mingi's fading blushes, San's look of disbelief. The oldest of them on the ground because he was hiding against the door.

    "Hyung embarrassed himself infront of his crush!"

     "I'll kill you!" Seonghwa yells, finally finishing his threat.

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

   Once again, you're left in the practice room on your lonesome after everyone left pretty shortly after your intense work out with the company trainer.

      It didn't slow down the buzz everyone had over the news of the debut song almost being completed so you could begin working on it yourselves.

     Especially not yours, as you stayed to study and practice other girl group songs with cute concepts.

   "Signal bonae signal bonae, jjirit- aaaah," you grumble as you fall back into your resting face. You glare at yourself in the mirror for a moment before you return to a soft and cheery face, "try to let you know. Signeul bonae signal bonae," you try to throw in the hand movement as well, groaning loudly as your focus fails you and your face no longer does what you want it to. "Ah, really!? C'mon, (Y/n), you're better than this."

     You point at yourself accusingly, unaware as the door swings open. "Neol bomyeo useumyeon arac- fuck!" You curse as your face falls once more as you focus too hard on singing.

You close your eyes and lean your forehead against the mirror defeatedly, not noticing as two semi-familiar men come into the room and witness you kneeling infront of the mirror wall, tears beginning to wet your eyelashes.

"Excuse me," Hongjoong speaks first, making you flinch. You quickly wipe your eyes as you turn to face him, hoping (though futile) that they didn't see your mini-breakdown.

"H-Hello," you internally curse yourself as your voice cracks.

"Are you okay, Hubae?" Mingi asks hesitantly, tilting his head.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay! Just a little frustrated is all! Thank you, Mingi-ssi."

"Ah, we all know the feeling," Hongjoong offers softly, nodding toward you with a comforting smile. You notice the stack of papers in his hand, remembering what Seonghwa had told you earlier.

"Thank you," you pause, unsure of what to call him. He's technically your senior, yes. But he's also a producer and leader.

He notices your brows pushing together with your thoughts, and he helps you out, "Hongjoong-sunbae is fine, don't worry."

"Ah, okay, okay! Thank you, Hongjoong-sunbae. Can I help with something?"

"Are your members around?" He gestures to the empty room save for you and Mingi, who's still looking down at you with a pout.

"No, sorry," you shake your head, offering an apology, "they left about an hour ago, we finished our work out early."

"Oh, that's too bad," he slaps the papers against his palm lightly and bites his lip, "I was hoping to give you all the lyrics to your title track."

"Really?! It's ready?" You perk up immediately, forcing yourself to calm down as you step closer, "may I see it? Please?"

He can't say no to those puppy dog eyes of yours, and apparently neither can Mingi; who grabs one of the stapled packets from his hyungs hands and extends it out to you with a big gummy smile.

You take it with an equally big smile, bowing deeply to the two of them before coming up and scanning the paper with that shimmer in your eyes that Mingi saw yesterday. Hongjoong sees it now too, and he understands what the man was trying to explain to them.

Passion in your eyes, he didn't think it would be so clear to see. But anyone who looked at you as you read the lyrics of what would be your first song would be able to see it. It's brighter than any other trainee, producer, lyric writer- it's brighter than anyone else's he's ever seen. And he finds him self excited to see what you do with it.

"SYNC-LOVE," you read with a gigantic grin. "crUSh official debut. Ah!" You can't help the happy yell that escapes you, hiding your face in the paper as the men chuckle.

You pull the paper back and scan the words, flipping the page and reading it all; credits included. Seeing their names on the credits, you bow repeatedly to them with your smile present all the while, "ah, thank you. Thank you so much, I'll make sure to do my very best with your song and my members as well! I'll make sure we make you proud to have u-"

Mingi puts a hand on your shoulder to stop your repeated bowing, laughing along with Hongjoong at your excitement, "careful, now! You'll get dizzy!"

"My bad," you look down to hide your still present grin.

"It's an exciting moment!" Hongjoong reassures you again, handing over the rest of the papers, "you'll get these to your members? In a few days we want to hear you all sing it individually so we can start assigning parts."

  You nod and take them carefully, turning to your bag and getting your phone, "is it okay if I send them photos of it- or is that a leak risk?"

    "No, that's okay. People don't even know we have a girl group yet," Mingi waves off your concern, "just do it through your number, no social media."

    You quickly snap a photo of each page and create a group chat with the numbers that you'd thankfully collected.

YOU ADDED BONGCHA.

YOU ADDED AEYOUNG.

YOU ADDED EUNHWA.

YOU ADDED YOOMI.

YOU ADDED NAMSEON.

YOU ADDED SUNJI.

YOU SENT A MESSAGE. Hongjoong and Mingi sunbaenims just stopped by the room. Good news, our debut song is completed!!

YOU SENT TWO ATTACHMENTS.

    As you turn back to thank them once again, your phone begins going off nonstop with messages from the others. "Oops," you turn off the ringer quickly, "I think they're just as excited as I am. Thank you again."

     "We're all excited to do what you guys can do," Hongjoong says truthfully, "Yeosang said you're a nice singer, is that the main position you want?"

     "Ah, rapper actually," you chuckle a bit, shifting on your feet, "admittedly, after my manager told us all your story, Hongjoong-sunbae, I started writing."

     "Really?" He beams, jumping a bit, "oh, I like you more by the minute! I can't wait to work with you!"

    You laugh as you wrap your arms around yourself, "thanks-"

    Mingi suddenly gets a brilliant idea, "hey, why don't you bring some of your songs to the recording booth so we can hear them?"

    "Oh, no, no, I don't have instrumentals or anything like that- I just write them for fun!"

    "So sing them for fun too! Let your voice be the instruments." Mingi is practically begging, and Hongjoong looks at you hopefully as well.

     "Maybe, maybe just one. I don't want to waste your time," you give in, making the men cheer.

⋆.ೃ:･THIS LOVE IS NOT FAKE𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

After your work out together the next day, you speak up before anyone can leave, "hey, before you all go!" You hop up quickly, stopping Yoomi and Eunhwa in the doorway.

You suddenly feel a bit shy speaking when all of the others are looking at you, "uhm, do any of you want to stay and try some of ATEEZ-sunbaenims choreography? I was thinking, we have a lot of pressure to live up to them and Xikers as well, especially in the dance department. Not to say that we aren't good! Just that they're very intense performers and we have a soft concept compared to them so maybe we could do a dance cover to show that we can kick ass too-"

In your rambling, you don't notice as they set their bags back down, gathering around you as you speak. "Because I know that we can! We can show the world that KQ doesn't mess around, even with their girls!"

"Hell yeah!" Bongcha yells, making you flinch, "sorry! But, yeah, I'm in for sure."

"What song were you thinking?" Aeyoung, eager to prove her dance skills to the world, is pulling back on her sneakers.

"Oh, I wasn't expecting you all to agree," you take a deep breath as you scan the rest of your group, "maybe we could pick together?"

A couple of hours later, you're all sweaty and out of breath once again as you finish your third run-through of Guerrilla. 'Start off strong,' Namseon said as she was the deciding vote.

"Let's take five," Bongcha heaves as she falls onto the floor, "...hours."

A couple of breathless chuckles go her way as the rest of the group sits minus you. "I'll get us some waters," you manage as you head to the door, grabbing your phone on the way.

Once you get to the fridge, your phone pings.

BONGCHA SENT AN ATTACHMENT.

BONGCHA SENT A MESSAGE. Guerrilla, take three

You lean against the fridge as you open the video, watching each member intently. You're all very good, but you could be better. Your footsteps are almost louder than the music at times, and it helps that you can hear them all being in sync. As the dance break begins, you hear yourself in the video. "Let's go, Guerrilla!" The rest of them follow suit, "the guerrillas!" You're definitely louder than the music as you all shout to hype each other up, "break the wall!"

Smiling down at your phone, you don't hear the person approaching you until he speaks.

"I thought those stomps sounded familiar."

"My god!" You clamber to catch your phone, breathing a sigh of relief as you hold it tightly.

"Sorry," Yeosang laughs softly, "I should stop sneaking up on you." He gives you a little bow of apology before he gestures to the phone, "may I see?"

    "Ah," you place a hand to your chest as your shoulders relax, "you're going to give me a heart attack." You joke as you rewind the video and hold it out to show him.

    He leans closer, his shoulder against yours as you both watch it.

     "Woo!" He smiles as you all shout when the youngest looking member slides to the center. He can tell you already have a bond that will be helpful when things get tough. It's not often that groups click immediately, but he's happy that yours did; and it's clear that you have by the way you move in tandem with each other after only a few days. Some of you have more energy, more power behind your moves maybe, but you all move at the same time despite that. He thinks, as do you as you watch over your group, maybe you were meant to debut together.

    After it comes to an end, Yeosang claps and leans back, "woah! You guys are good! How many tries was that?"

    "You think so? It was our third take, we still have a lot of improvements to make," you say as you slide your phone into your pocket, moving to get the waters you came for.

    "Yeah, I wouldn't think that you guys are a new group based on that, you're a very well rounded group looks like." He takes some of the waters from your arms and earns himself a smile from you.

     "Thanks, Yeosang, that means a lot to hear. It was my idea actually to cover one of your dances to show that we could be badass too," you look down as you admit with a little laugh, walking with him back to your groups room.

     "You're a good leader," he nods with a thoughtful expression.

    "Uh? I'm not the leader."

    "No?" He raises an eyebrow, "who is?"

    "Uhhhhhh," you blank as you enter the room, making the others look up confusedly. "-hhh, heres the water!" Yeosang laughs heartily as you quickly change the subject, going on to hand over the waters he carried for you as you distribute them. "Guys, this is Yeosang-sunbaenim," you gesture to him before sipping on your own water.

     "Hello," they bow to one another, and Aeyoung is quick to drag you over after the formalities are out of the way. She leans over her phone, having similarly been monitoring your last take.

     "Ye-ssi, look here," she points, "I think Yoomi and Eunhwa should swap here, to have Eunhwa in the front. She has more intense facial expressions, don't you think?"

    "Ah," you nod along, backing up the video a few seconds to see again, "I think that's a good idea."

    "Yoomi-ya! Come here, I need to teach you a different part!" The older members yells dramatically, making you cover your ear with a grimace.

     Yeosang joins your side again with a grin, "not the leader, huh?"

You take a long sip of your water and look up at the ceiling thoughtfully before — "nope!"

⋆.ೃ:･달려가 CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

     The next day, you're surprised to see someone else in the practice room when you arrive — multiple someones that is, and an array of cameras and microphones.

    You pause in the door way mid-way through fixing your hair, slowly backing out as the main camera man swivels the lens to face you. "Sorry," you let your hair fall and bow, looking around curiously from the hall, "am I interrupting?"

    "(Y/n)!" Jisu waves from the group of people, having to jump for you to see her. "Come on in," she gestures you forward, placing a hand on your arm as you get closer, "we're going to start filming for a pre-debut documentary."

    "Really? We're making one? That's exciting!" You look around the room, waving and bowing once again to the crew, "hello. Good morning."

    You get a few responses back, looking away from the camera shyly. You'll definitely have to get used to that.

    "You're here early, practice doesn't start until eight," she observes, smiling as she realizes how dedicated you are from the fact that you have now been the first member to arrive four days in a row. "Did you plan to start early?"

    "Ah, I actually came to work on some songs," you hesitate, looking around as the crew continues to set up in the back of the room.

    "Writing?" Jisu asks, knowing that you've been coming up with songs of your own nonstop since she told you of Hongjoong's passion and subsequent success.

    "Yes, I wanted to write some that fit with our concept," you whisper as you fiddle with the hem of your hoodie.

    "Oh, that's great! You go ahead and do whatever you need to, pretend we aren't even here. We don't have the main sound going yet but the director may want some footage of you working." She pats your arm as she notices your nerves, giving you a little nod, "hwaiting!"

    "Thank you, manager-nim," you nod back, carefully taking your bag off and setting it on the wall by the door so it's not in the way.

     You can still feel the camera trailing you as you take out your newer notebook that has strawberry printed papers, along with your pen and a dry erase marker. You settle infront of the mirror with your legs folded under you.

    A few minutes of calming breathes later, you finally decide 'screw it', and allow yourself to begin working like no body is there, following your manager's advice.

    From your notes about what kind of lyrics you want, you begin writing on the mirror with your dry erase marker just like you do at home; only on a larger scale.

CHORUS

dallyeoga crush on you

super crush on you

can't stop the crush on you

code in L-O-V-E

TIPI-TAP TIPI-TIPI TAP

You write it out in romanization to see how it will sound, chewing on the back of the marker.

    "Hello," the camera woman who comes up to you greets politely, and you return the favor. "Director-nim wanted me to ask what you're doing?"

"Okay, okay," you nod quickly, scooting to the side a bit to allow her to film the writing on the mirror, "since our concept is super cute, uhm," you clear your throat, showing her the page in your notebook full of ideas, "I'm writing some songs that I think would fit along with it..."

"Why do you write on the mirror?"

"Oh," you look at it before smiling, almost reminiscently, "it's a technique someone taught me! Write it in dry erase or chalk so you can easily change it, move it around, see where things might fit better. And when you think you have it, write it on paper and see how it is!" You beam as you explain, quickly falling into your comfort zone.

"Ah," you erase part of it with your hoodie sleeve before leaning and writing in something different, "chorus should be a bit repetitive!"

dallyeoga crush on you

dallyeoga crush on you

"Better," you smile to yourself as you look it over.

"Hello," a voice calls all of your attention from the door, and you smile brighter as you see Mingi and one of his group mates you've yet to meet.

You wave briefly before gasping and turning back to the mirror quickly as some lyrics come to you.

pow pow

my heart just flew up

You hardly notice as the duo stop talking to your manager and the team, heading for you instead as you mumble to yourself. "Flew up?"

You peek up as the camera-woman backs up, getting all three of you in frame as they come up on either side behind you.

"Pow, pow, my heart blew up?" Mingi suggests as he reads over it, smiling as you immediately click your tongue and rewrite it.

"Aye, why didn't I think of that? Thanks, Mingi-ssi," you blink at the other man in the reflection and give him a bow of your head, "hello."

"Nice to meet you, Ye-ssi," he flashes you a soft grin in the mirror, "I'm San."

"Nice to meet you- ah sorry," you look away quickly and scribble a little further away from what you already have down before the words can get away from you, "inspiration waits for no-one."

beonjineun seollem

gidarin chit-chat

"This is a cute vibe," San complements as he reads it over with Mingi, "how long have you been working on it?"

"Hm," you take a glance at the clock in the mirror, 7:40. "About twenty minutes."

Mingi makes a noise of surprise, nearly falling from his crouched position until you grab his arm and steady him, "ah, are you okay, Mingi-ssi? Are you dizzy?" He laughs as you worry over him, pointing back to the writing after he's steady.

"Twenty minutes and you have a solid chorus?"

"Mhm!" You smile towards your work, humming the imaginary tune to yourself for a second to see if more inspiration hits.

"How long have you been writing?" San asks with a slight awe, taking a look at your book of ideas.

"Ah," you scratch your head, "since... April, I think?"

It's Sans turn to be surprised, raising his eyebrows and counting on his fingers, "four months?! Hey, no way," he shakes his head, "you're pulling our leg."

"She's a genius," Jisu buts into the conversation, coming to pat your head, "she's my own mini-Captain."

"Not even Hongjoong can come up with a chorus in twenty minutes flat," San argues, glaring at the words and mumbling them to himself.

"Hey, (Y/n), how are you imagining this?" The woman grins, as you begin to tap on your leg, thinking of the right pace.

"Kind of- aaah, no," you stop yourself before even starting, restarting quietly, "dallyeoga crush on you, dallyeoga crush on you. Ah, yes!" You lean over your paper and draw a little meter of how upbeat it should be. "Like, tipi-tip tap, tipi-tipi, tap-tap~ That fits right?"

Mingi points at Sans look of speechlessness, squeaking with laughter and leaning into your side.

"Hey, Unnie, can you-" You look and see Sunji enter, quickly looking up from her phone and having the same look of 'oh shit' that you did. "Oh, hello," she quickly bows, having the same conversation with your manager and nodding along.

Mingi and San are still helping you with fine tuning lyrics as she joins, sitting beside you and looking at the words curiously.

"What were you going to ask, Sunji?" You question as you making the recommended change that San suggested, nodding at the way it looks.

"Ah," she blushes a bit, asking in a hushed tone, "could you braid my hair before practice? Yours was really pretty the other day, but I don't know how."

"Awe," you smile at the young girl, sliding back and patting the space you previously occupied, "of course, anything for my maknae!"

San looks down at you two with a fond expression as you card your hands through her hair and she reads the words with curiosity. "Is this our next song?"

"No-"

"Maybe!" Mingi cuts you off, taking the marker and jotting down some more words, "your Unnie wrote the chorus all by herself!"

"Woah, really?" She meets your eyes in the reflection, "you can write too? You're good at everything!"

She bounces, making you pat her shoulder with a chuckle, "stay still."

"Sorry," she giggles, stilling as you begin to braid her hair back in an intricate way, "how does it go?"

You sing the chorus for her, San nodding along and Mingi listening closely; tilting his head as he thinks.

"Hey, Ye-ssi," he points to one of the lines with the marker that he's effectively taken over, "here, code in L-O-V-E~ What about," he wipes the line and replaces it as you watch with interest, "this?"

"The code is L-O-V-E," you sing together to the rhythm in your heads, feeling out the vibe.

    "I like it!" Sunji peeps, breaking you and Mingi's sudden staring contest.

     "Ah," you turn to her quickly to avoid his gaze, "really? Why don't you sing it for us?" You settle back behind her and continue to braid her long hair, watching as she smiles brightly. "Your voice really suits a soft concept."

To anyone watching the moment in the documentary many months later, it's certainly a heartwarming scene. Especially paired with the caption the editors slipped in: 'Ye-ssi is showing off her makenae<3'.

    If they looked hard enough; they'd also see that Mingi's gaze never left your hands as you gently braided your young members hair, and that San's kept flicking to you with a sense of wonder...

⋆.ೃ:･CAN'T STOP MY CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

⋆.ೃ:･DELETED SCENES.ೃ࿔*:･

#ONE#

     After your strange but heart warming moment with Seonghwa, you return back to your own practice room; where Bongcha and Namseon are watching Eunhwa play a game on her phone. 

    Sunji and Aeyoung are seemingly having a flexibility competition, with Yoomi as the judge.

    You sit on the bench and watch between the two groups, a content smile on your face until from the open door you hear —

     "I'll kill you!" All of you perk up, running to the door and peeking your heads out.

    "Was that Park-nim?" Sunji asks with a pout, "he doesn't seem like the type to get angry."

    "What'd he say? I don't know that word," Bongcha looks to you.

    "I'll kill you, he said," you translate for her while watching curiously as the man in the doorway slides out of the way to make room for another, who comes flying out of the room; quickly followed by Seonghwa.

      "Come back here!"

       "No, I want to live! Hyung, please! I want to live!"

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E WILL BE RIGHT BACK.ೃ࿔*:･

[kpop-reactions-povs]

She was out for a long time and when she came back she found her bf missing her with cute pouting face FOR ATEEZ PLZ🥰🙏🏼

Hiii sorry for making you wait so long!

Ateez-When they miss their S/O

Seonghwa

You’d barely stepped inside when Seonghwa appeared from behind the hallway wall like he’d been lurking there all day, arms crossed and cheeks puffed out, wearing the biggest pout you’d ever seen.

“Don’t talk to me,” he grumbled dramatically, avoiding your eyes like a toddler mad at his mom. “You said you’d only be gone for a bit. That was five hours ago.”

You blinked in surprise, setting down your bag. “Hwa, I texted you—”

“Nope. No. Not the same,” he cut you off with a small sniff. “Texts aren’t cuddles. You think a little heart emoji is gonna replace my cuddle quota? Unbelievable.”

You laughed as you tried to walk toward him, but he shuffled backward like he was seriously wounded. “I missed you so much I laid on the couch in fetal position listening to our playlist. I even watched that drama you like. Without you. That’s how bad it got.”

He finally let you close when you cupped his face and kissed his pout away. His arms immediately wrapped around you like he was afraid you’d disappear again.

“I’m serious,” he whispered into your shoulder. “Don’t ever be gone that long again. I need my daily dose of you.”

Hongjoong

You entered the apartment to find dim lighting, your favorite candle lit… and Hongjoong sitting on the floor of his studio, surrounded by scattered sketch pads, arms folded, and a pout that could win awards.

He didn’t even look at you when you called his name. Just mumbled under his breath, “You left me to emotionally suffer. Alone. In this cold, heartless world.”

You blinked. “I was gone for one afternoon—”

“And it felt like ten winters in the desert,” he interrupted, finally turning to you with sad puppy eyes. “I even tried to work on music but all I could do was write sad lyrics about how empty this place is without you.”

He scooted closer, resting his chin on your thigh like a clingy cat. “I missed the sound of your laugh. Your scent. Your weird little humming when you think no one’s listening.”

You leaned down to kiss his head, and he finally sighed, arms wrapping around your waist like he was anchoring himself. “You owe me. Big time. Starting with a cuddle session so long I forget what loneliness feels like.”

Yunho

You opened the door and were immediately ambushed by Yunho’s gigantic pout. He was standing in the kitchen, holding a plate of half-eaten cookies, like he had been stress-snacking through your entire absence.

“There she is,” he said with an over-the-top dramatic sigh. “The girl who left me to fend for myself in this dark, cruel apartment. I almost starved. I had to bake cookies. Alone.”

You giggled and reached for one, but he pulled the plate away. “No. Only people who love me and don’t abandon me get cookies.”

“Yunho!” you laughed, walking toward him.

“Nope,” he said, turning his back but peeking over his shoulder. “I was gonna watch our favorite movie but somebody was too busy living her life without me.”

Eventually, he gave in when you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind. He turned around and squeezed you so tightly your feet lifted off the floor.

“I missed you, like, a lot,” he mumbled into your neck. “Promise you won’t go that long without me again? Or at least take me next time. I’m portable. I swear.”

Yeosang

You noticed it immediately—the way Yeosang was curled up on the couch with his phone resting on his chest and his brows furrowed just slightly.

He didn’t say a word when you walked in. Just looked at you with this quiet, almost sad look, lips pushed into a gentle pout.

“…Sang?” you called softly, walking over.

He didn’t respond.

“Are you mad at me?”

Still no answer.

You sat down next to him, and he shifted only enough to lean his head against your shoulder.

“I wasn’t mad,” he finally whispered. “I just… didn’t realize how weird it feels without you around.”

Your heart melted as he shyly reached for your hand and tangled your fingers together.

“I kept looking at the clock. I don’t even know why. I just kept waiting for the door to open.”

You kissed his forehead, and his pout disappeared into a peaceful smile.

“Stay here,” he said softly, curling his arms around your waist and burying his face into your neck like he didn’t want you to ever leave again. “Just for a little longer.”

San

The second you stepped through the door, San came running down the hallway like a golden retriever who hadn’t seen his owner in years. He slid to a stop and immediately crossed his arms with a huge, puffed-out pout.

“You’re finally back,” he whined. “I almost had to write a song about heartbreak.”

You smiled. “San, I was gone for four hours.”

“Four hours of misery!” he cried, throwing himself onto the couch and lying dramatically across it like he was auditioning for a tragic romance film.

When you leaned over to kiss him, he turned his head away. “Nope. You don’t get kisses until I get a proper apology, five cuddles, and at least ten ‘I missed you’s.’”

You smirked, leaned in closer, and whispered, “I missed you, I missed you, I missed you…”

His pout cracked into a smile so fast. He grabbed you, pulled you onto the couch, and wrapped himself around you like a koala. “You have no idea how boring everything is without you. Even the air feels different.”

Mingi

When you came back, you expected Mingi to be in his usual spot playing games or listening to music. But instead, you found him sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes glued to the door like a sad puppy.

As soon as he saw you, he gave you the most pitiful pout, eyebrows lifted, lower lip jutting out, voice soft: “You’re finally back…”

You laughed, dropping your bag. “Aw, baby. You okay?”

“No,” he said dramatically, shuffling over to you like his legs were jelly. “I kept checking the window every ten minutes. My heart physically hurt. I’m surprised I survived.”

He wrapped his long arms around you, squeezing tightly. “Do you even realize how empty this place feels without your voice? I had to talk to myself like a weirdo.”

You chuckled, brushing his hair back gently. “Poor thing.”

“You better make it up to me,” he mumbled. “Lots of cuddles. Head scratches. Whisper sweet things to me until I’m fully emotionally recovered.”

Wooyoung

Wooyoung greeted you by lying dramatically face down on the bed like someone in a sad K-drama. He didn’t move when he heard you come in.

“Woo?”

“…I’ve been betrayed,” he mumbled into the blanket.

You walked over, raising an eyebrow. “Are you okay?”

He rolled over slowly with the most exaggerated pout you’d ever seen. “No. My girlfriend left me for hours with nothing but a cold pillow and my thoughts. And you know how dramatic my thoughts are.”

You laughed and tried to lie next to him, but he held up a hand. “Uh-uh. You gotta earn back my love. It’s fragile. Delicate. Wounded.”

You grinned, crawling closer. “Can I offer kisses?”

He held out his cheek dramatically. “One kiss. For now. We’ll talk about the rest after cuddle negotiations.”

Of course, ten seconds later, he was wrapped around you like a human blanket whispering, “I missed you so much I couldn’t even nap properly.”

Jongho

You came back expecting your usual quiet Jongho, but instead you found him sitting on the couch, arms crossed, and lips firmly in pout-mode.

“I’m not talking to you,” he muttered as you walked in.

You blinked. “What? Why?”

“You left me alone,” he huffed. “I had to listen to Yeosang ramble about skincare for twenty full minutes. That’s your job. You abandoned your duties.”

You giggled and walked toward him, and he narrowed his eyes. “No. Don’t smile at me like that. I’m still mad.”

But then your arms wrapped around him, and all his grumpiness instantly dissolved.

“…Fine,” he mumbled against your neck. “I missed you. Way more than I want to admit. Don’t make me go that long without you again.”

[xlostinthedreamfics]

In a Good Way: Chapter 1 (Yunho Fic)

Pairing: Jeong Yunho x Female Reader

Word Count: 7.6k

Playlist: In a Good Way - Faye Webster

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, cursing, mentions of alcohol (This story does not reflect who the members are in any way.)

Summary: Nice guys are not your type, too angelic, too holy, too boring until one of these nice guys gets under your skin. What you have been wanting has been in front of you this whole time, and if you don’t act quick, it might just miss you.

Note: I originally was going to make this a one-shot, but I think this needs 2 chapters! I hope you enjoy this; it's one of my favorites so far 🤭

You scrolled aimlessly through your texts, just waiting for his notification. You groaned loudly, throwing your head back against your best friend’s couch. “What is it?” You felt the spot next to you dip, seeing a concerned Yeosang next to you, followed by a curious San on the other side. “It’s nothing, Hwa just hasn't texted me.” Groans from both sides of you erupted, “Y/N, we told you to leave him.” Yeosang sighed, his fingers massaging his temples. “You know you don’t deserve to be treated like that.” San shook his head, slapping his hand against your thigh. “Food is on the way, a nice hot meal will make you feel better! Yunho should be coming soon.” Your head snapped over to San, “Yunho? I thought it was just going to be us three.” Yeosang nudged you softly, “Be nice, Yunho is a cool guy.” You sighed, your head falling back against the couch again, “I’m sure he is.”

You had no issue with Yunho, quite the contrary, Yunho was among the nicest people you’ve met. Sure, you didn’t know him well; he was Yeosang’s friend, not yours. But the times you have spoken to Yunho, it felt like you couldn’t be your sarcastic, unhinged, natural self. He was too nice, too good for your crude jokes. “Wait!” San got up from the couch, pointing at Yeosang, then at you. “Yunho! He’d be perfect for you.” Yeosang looked over at you as he covered his mouth, “San is on to something.” You pulled yourself up from the couch, walking over to the bathroom, “Not going to happen.” You closed the door behind you, your phone clutched up to your chest. Maybe I should just call him. 

Seonghwa, the guy you have been infatuated with for the past six months. You met him at the coffee shop by your apartment. He was the new barista behind the counter. You couldn’t help to make frequent coffee runs, having conversations with him while you picked up your caramel latte every morning. He beat you to it by finally asking for your number, texting you to hang out that same night. Let’s just say you both got acquainted really well that night, and you considered visiting your coffee shop twice a day. Seonghwa loved to hear all the crazy adventures you got up to with your friends, your recent trinket obsession, songs that reminded you of him, and he wanted to hear anything you had to say, minus conversations about defining the relationship between you two. He always followed with, “I’m just not ready right now,” or “I want to be the best version of myself for you.” San and Yeosang said they knew guys like him, aka a total fuck boy as San likes to announce everytime you vent about him. He wasn’t bad, most of the time. Sure, he made promises that he couldn’t keep and would ignore your texts or calls at times, but when you did see each other, it just felt right. And maybe you weren’t the relationship type? Maybe something casual like this was okay, too.

Ring. Ring. Ring. “Hwa-” The voicemail message played, making you hang up before the beep. It’s fair to say your last relationships or situationships were not the best either. You never had anything amazing to compare them to. Was there even such a thing as true love, loyalty, or genuine interest? Yeosang said it could be your taste in men, but you just liked what you liked, and it just ended up being men with commitment issues, but great in bed. You stormed out of the bathroom, bumping into a tall figure just outside the door. You glanced up to see a smiling Yunho looking down at you, “Hey, Y/N.” You half-smiled, walking around him, “Hey Yunho.” You made your way back over to the couch, slumping down next to Yeosang. “Pizza will make you feel better.” Yeosang handed over his plate to you, a delicious and hot pepperoni slice just waiting to make you happy. “Thanks.” You held onto the paper plate, watching as the rest of the guys grabbed their food before turning on the movie. This was a regular thing for you, Yeosang and San: movie nights. It was San’s turn to pick the movie, and just your luck, it was a romance drama. “San, am I going to cry?” San hushed you, nuzzling into the armchair next to you, his eyes focused on the TV. You glanced over at Yunho, sitting so proper on the other chair, neatly eating his pizza. You rolled your eyes, glancing down at your phone, still no text back from Hwa. 

The movie ended, and San was holding onto the throw pillow, wiping his tears as the end credits appeared. You’d be lying if you said you paid attention the whole way through; most of the time was spent checking your phone. “Why would they not end it on a happy note? Why did you show us this?” Yeosang sighed, chucking a pillow at San. Yunho laughed, “I kind of like when that happens, sometimes happy endings don’t always happen, just like real life.” You wanted your happy ending with Hwa, was that too much to ask for? Your phone began to vibrate suddenly, Seonghwa’s name lighting up on the screen. “Oh, guys, I gotta go. See you later!” You snatched your purse, running out the door of Yeosang’s apartment, straight to the elevators. 

“Seonghwa, hey.” You reached the lobby, walking out towards the exit. “Hey, sorry I didn’t text back. I was hanging with some friends, but maybe we can see each other later tonight?” You headed toward the train station, zipping up your jacket as the chilly night air hit you. “Sure, yeah, just let me know what time.” 

—--------

You waited up for Seonghwa until 2 am and knocked out, realizing that he wasn’t going to come over like he said. You peeked over at your phone, no notifications, just one from the group chat with San and Yeosang.

San: Get home safe!

Yeosang: Are you home now?

You squinted your eyes, the beaming rays of the sun filling your room. You rolled over on your stomach, texting the group chat back. 

You: Sorry, guys, I came home and fell asleep. I’m alive and well. 

You dropped your head back onto your pillow, happy that it was Saturday, but the heavy feeling in your chest was not leaving. You wondered why you let yourself be toyed with so much, you didn’t want to believe that Hwa was a fuck boy. When you’re together, it truly feels like there’s no one around but you and him. You can be yourself with him, talk about the most random shit, laugh until your stomach hurts and ride his face until you can’t feel your legs. It was perfect, but the multiple efforts of asking him what he thought about you both and what he wanted just left you feeling more empty and disappointed. He would say how much he wanted you and cared for you, then would ignore you for days, just to call you in the early hours of the morning to come over and rail you to sleep. It felt like a cycle of your highest highs and your lowest lows. You knew he would be working at the coffee shop today, and you needed a latte. You got dressed, heading out the doors, just a few blocks away from your favorite coffee shop. The shop had a live DJ on Saturdays, so it was busier than on other days. You headed toward the counter, not spotting Seonghwa anywhere around. “Morning! What can I get started for you?” The worker greeted you at the counter, “Just a medium caramel latte, please.” You glanced around the shop, focusing back on the worker to pay. Maybe he wasn’t working today; you made your way to the pickup area, waiting for your drink.

“Y/N?” You looked over to see Yunho, a baseball cap resting on his head, a very casual boyfriend aesthetic he had going on today, not a strand of hair out of place, not one wrinkle on his clothes. You waved at him, pursing your lips as he walked over, “You come here?” He nodded, “I do, usually on the weekends when I have time. I live right around the corner. What’s your go-to drink here?” You continued to scan the room behind Yunho, “Caramel Latte, you?” Maybe he was starting late today? “Latte for Y/N!” You jumped a bit, walking over to the counter to grab your drink. You glanced up, taking a long sip, your eyes catching a familiar face. There he is. You were about to make your way to Hwa but stopped when you noticed him hovering over some other girl, playing with her hands, making her laugh obnoxiously loud. “What the fuck?” You said out loud, causing Yunho to turn his attention toward you. 

You threw your sunglasses over your eyes, storming out of the coffee shop. The worst part of this all was that you knew Seonghwa would deny it. “Y/N!” Yunho followed after you, his pace picking up faster to catch up. “Are you okay?” You waved him off, “I don’t need saving, Yunho, I’m fine.” Yunho chuckled nervously, “I’m not trying to save you, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” You stopped at an intersection, waiting for the pedestrian signal to mark, to walk. “I’m fine, Yunho, don’t worry about me and my mess. Go back to your perfect morning.” You sighed as you made your way across the street, leaving a confused Yunho behind.

—--------

As soon as you got home, you slammed your coffee cup on the counter, abandoning it for the rest of the day. You got back into your bed, wrapping yourself in your bedding. You were tired of feeling like this, so fucking over it. Your phone vibrated, Yeosang. You ignored it, rolling over to the other side, shutting your eyes as if you could force yourself to fall asleep right now. The phone stopped vibrating, and a few messages followed. You reached for your phone, opening up your notifications. 

Yeosang: Y/N?

Yeosang: Yunho told me you ran out of the coffee shop?

Yeosang: Did something happen with that Seonghwa guy?

Yeosang: Do me and San have to beat his ass?

You laughed at the image of them storming into the coffee shop to kick Seonghwa’s ass, the chuckles making the heaviness in your chest feel a little lighter. You knew if you didn’t respond to Yeosang, he would send San to your door since he was only a few buildings down from you. 

You: Yeah, I’m okay. I’m going to end things with him. 

You sent that last part without even thinking, like your subconscious wanted you to admit it, admit that he wasn’t good for you. You swiped over to Seonghwa’s message chat.

You: Come over today? I want to talk to you about something.

He responded quickly this time.

Hwa: Yeah, I’ll come over after my shift. 

You read this message over and over, contemplating what you were going to say once he was in front of you. You paced your room, practicing, “I think it’s best if we just stop, whatever this is.” You stared at yourself in the mirror, nodding in approval. “Yeah, just straight to the point.” You sat at the edge of your bed, you’ve been doing this for the last few hours, and you finally made yourself hungry. You reached into the cupboard for some popcorn, a quick snack while you looked over the food delivery app to get some type of noodle dish. Your phone buzzed, a text from Hwa.

Hwa: On my way!

You rushed to fix your bed, pick up around your apartment, and get into more comfortable clothes than the jeans you were still in from earlier. After you placed your food order, Seonghwa knocked at your door. “Coming!” You shouted out excitedly, forgetting that you were about to end things with him. Your heart fell to your ass as the realizination hit you. You opened the door to a smiling Seonghwa who immediately wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing the side of your neck and then your lips, “I missed you.” He spoke against your lips, slipping his hands under your shirt, “Seonghwa, I wanted to talk to you.” He pulled away slowly, sitting on your couch before pulling you onto his lap, “What’s up?”

“I went by the coffee shop today.” His eyes gleamed up at you as he ran his hand up and down your thigh, squeezing it playfully, “You did? You should’ve told me. I would have paid for your coffee.” You placed your hand over his to stop him from playing with your thigh, and he frowned, “Is everything okay?” You sighed, pulling yourself up from him, “I saw you with that girl Seonghwa.” You looked at him with defeat in your eyes, no energy to scream, shout, or plead for his apology like you used to do. “Babe, that’s just my new coworker. It’s not a big deal.” He patted his lap for you to sit back down, “You believe me, right?” You watched him, his big eyes beaming up at you as he pulled you back down on him. He placed a kiss on your lips, wrapping his arms around your waist. 

—--------

You knocked on Yeosang’s door, hearing his footsteps move closer, finally letting you in. “Hey! What are you up-” You looked over at Yunho, who was sitting on the couch, looking up from his phone to face you. “Oh, hey Yunho.” Yeosang shut the door behind you, “We were just chilling, thinking of catching some lunch in a bit if you want to come.” You shoved your hands in the pockets of your jacket, nodding to Yeosang, “Sure, I could go for some food.” You took a seat in the armchair, tapping along the armrest. “So?” Yeosang sat on the couch beside you. “Did you end things?” You noticed Yunho peeking up from his phone, looking at you before returning to his phone again. “The weather app said it was going to be sunny today.” You peered over at the window, trying not to look at Yeosang, who was sighing in disbelief. “Y/N, you said you were going to end things. What happened?” You slumped your shoulders, looking down at your hands, “We talked things through, okay? We’re good now.” 

“It gets to a point, Y/N, where he’s going to expect your forgiveness every time, it won’t even mean anything to him.” Yeosang shook his head.

“Look, Seonghwa gets a bad rep, but he’s a great guy. He cares for me.” 

“He seemed to care about that girl yesterday, too,” Yunho mumbled under his breath, causing you and Yeosang to snap your heads over to him. “What?” Yeosang asked, not knowing the whole situation that had happened at the coffee shop yesterday. “Yunho, I didn’t ask for your opinion. Thanks.” You got up from the couch, pulling your bag over your shoulder, “I forgot I had something to do. I’ll see you later, Yeosang.” You headed out, frantically making your way toward the elevators. Just when you think you’re living happily on your delusional cloud about Seonghwa, someone throws reality in your face again, and this time it was goody two-shoes Yunho. 

Even after you and Seonghwa talked it out, even after he had you bent over your bed, and even after cuddling you to sleep, the hole in your chest grew bigger. There was no chance you believed that he wasn’t flirting with his coworker, but you also believed that he cared for you. Yunho didn’t know shit, he shouldn’t have said anything to begin with. The rest of the day, you stuffed your face with leftovers and rotted away in your bed, ignoring every possible text from Yeosang and San. Why were you deciding to deprive yourself of actual happiness, you didn’t know; you felt stuck in this endless cycle with Seonghwa and with yourself. 

There was a knock on your door, your heart beating quickly as you became startled by the noise. You walked over to the door, looking through the peephole, and saw Yunho waiting patiently for you to answer. “Yunho?” You opened it up, seeing him with a bag in his hand, “Yeosang and San were going to check in on you. But I offered to go since I wanted to apologize. I bear wine and some amazing pho? San told me you can never turn down pho.” He held the brown paper big in front of you, smiling as you snatched it from him. “Come in, I guess.” You scooted over to let him in, shutting the door behind him.

“This could’ve just been a text, you know? But thanks for the pho.” You peeked into the bag, pulling out the wine first, popping it open. “I'd rather do it in person.” Yunho looked around your apartment, “Oh, cool, you play?” He pointed at your guitar in the corner of your living room. “I dabble.” You poured the wine into two cups, handing one to Yunho. He grinned, taking it from you, “Listen, Y/N, I’m sorry about getting involved earlier. I just know how it feels. You deserve a good guy who-” 

You took a sip from your cup before cutting him off, “You don’t know what I deserve. You don’t even know me, Yunho. You can’t come here and think your advice will be some saving grace. Can you just please go?” You downed the wine in your cup, placing it in the sink behind you. 

“I just-” You walked over to the door, opening it for him. “Have a good night, Yunho.” He nodded, placing the cup down on the counter before walking out, “I’m sorry.” You shot him a thumbs up, closing your door in front of his face. “He just thinks he’s so righteous all the time, doesn't he?” You opened up the bottle, drinking it straight from the spout as you plopped down on your couch, eyeing the guitar in the corner, not remembering the last time you felt happy enough to play.

—--------

You avoided going to Yeosang’s for a few days, you had let him know you were a little busy with work and hoped to hang out sometime during the weekend. Anything to avoid a confrontation about your situation with Hwa and to avoid seeing Yunho. Literally, who does he think he is? You shook off the annoyance, reaching for your phone as it vibrated in your pocket. Yeosang.

“Y/N!” Yeosang shouted through the phone, “What are you doing Saturday?” You sat down on your couch, mentally going through the calendar in your head, “Hmm, I don’t think I’m doing anything, why?” You heard San’s giggle in the background, “We’re planning a surprise party for Yunho at my place! You’ll come right?” Yeosang pleaded as you sighed into the phone, “There’s going to be plenty of alcohol!” You heard San yell from the background, causing you to snicker. “Fuck, San knows what I like.” Yeosang chuckled, “Is that a yes?” You paused, biting down on your lip. “Fine, but I’m just going for the booze. Not for Yunho.” Yeosang groaned on the other end of the phone, “This enemies-to-lovers is truly taking too long.” You scoffed at him, “Never. Going. To. Happen. Bye.” You hung up, throwing your phone across the room, landing it on your bed. 

You could never say no to a good party, maybe you could bring Seonghwa this time to finally meet your friends. You’ve asked him before, but something always came up. You got up to fetch your phone again, shooting him a text.

You: Hwa, my friend Yeosang is having a party at his place on Saturday. Come with me?

You smiled at the idea of Seonghwa coming with you, socializing with your friends, drinking together, and having a good time with your favorite people. You waited a few minutes with the chat open, but no response. As the rest of the week passed by, Hwa never answered your question, just went around it to talk about something else. But now it was Saturday, and you weren’t sure if you would have a date for tonight. You called him up, the ringing continuing until he picked up at the last moment. “Hey, babe, I’m a little busy. What’s up?” You scanned through your closet, trying to figure out what to wear. “Hey, did you ever see my text about my friend Yeosang’s party tonight?” You pulled out the black skirt toward the end of the rack, the perfect piece that made you feel sexy. “Yeah, sorry I didn’t reply to that. I don’t think I’ll be able to go, I had made plans with some friends. But I can come over later tonight?” You felt your energy dip as you threw the skirt onto your bed, lying down next to it. “Yeah, that’s fine. Have fun.” Your smile faded, and you clenched your jaw tightly. “You too, babe. I’ll see you later.”

I guess you will be going dateless tonight. You sighed as you hung up the phone, lying with your thoughts for a few minutes. You sat up, looking over at the short skirt next to you, snatching it up in your hands. “Fuck it.” You were going to make sure you had a good time regardless, getting up to get ready for the night. After much struggle in picking shoes, doing your hair, and makeup, you were finally ready to have some drinks and forget about your worries. You headed out the door, zipping your leather jacket to brace for the chilly night, thinking how warm you will feel after some whisky is in your system.

You pulled up to Yeosang’s apartment, texting San to open the door since Yeosang was not answering. “Hey Y/N, you clean up nice,” San joked. “Shut up.” You smirked, nudging him playfully as you walked toward the kitchen. There were a good number of people already here, Yeosang’s EDM playlist blasting through the speakers in the living room. “Yunho should be coming in a few!” Yeosang shouted out to the guests, preparing for the surprise. You rolled your eyes as you made your way to the bottles lined up on the counter, pouring yourself a drink. “Okay, you’re ready to party,” Yeosang smirked at you, wrapping his arm around you, toasting his filled cup with yours. Before he could take a sip, he reached for his phone, “Shit, he’s on his way up.” Yeosang headed toward the rest of the attendees, “Everyone hide, he’s coming up!” 

You stood, leaning against the counter, not budging. San crouched behind the kitchen island, “Y/N, get down.” You glanced down at him, exhaling sharply as he took hold of your hand, pulling you down next to him. Yeosang turned off the music and the lights, waiting by the door until a knock was heard. You could see the excitement on his face as he yanked the door open, “Surprise!” He turned the lights back on, the group of people springing up from their hiding spots, including San. You got up slowly after seeing the biggest smile on Yunho’s face as he covered his face shyly. “What?” He was so surprised as his friends came around him, hugging him one by one. You crossed your arms over your chest, taking another drink from your cup. He has it all, a good head on his shoulders, a great moral compass, amazing friends, truly god’s favorite. 

Yunho made his rounds with each person, finally reaching you in the kitchen, his smile dropping slowly as he approached you, “Y/N, thanks for coming.” You downed your drink, pouring yourself more, “I came for Yeosang, but happy birthday.” You motioned your cup up to cheer his empty hand, walking over to the couch. The drinks continued throughout the night, and before you knew it, your vision was blurry and you were spilling your secrets to some guy you thought was San, but San was on the other side of the room, cackling at you. You patted the guy's arm softly, “Sorry about that.” You covered your mouth to hold in your laugh, walking over to San, pushing him playfully, “Fuck you.” San shook his head as he laughed, “Should we all take a shot?” He looked around for Yeosang and Yunho, dragging everyone to the kitchen as he poured each of you a healthy double shot of tequila. 

“I hate tequila,” Yunho frowned at his shot glass. “It’s your birthday, and all you have been drinking is Sauvignon Blanc,” Yeosang teased, passing you your shot. “Damn Yunho, don’t get too crazy now,” You mocked him, laughing as his eyebrows furrowed, watching him down the shot immediately. You stared in shock, eyeing everyone else as you all took your shots down soon after. “Happy Birthday, Yunho!” San shouted, grabbing onto his shoulders, shaking him excitedly. Yunho laughed, his sour face from the tequila still present. You stayed in the kitchen as Yeosang and San made their way back to the living room, fighting over which song to play next. Yeosang was keen on playing Alan Walker while San wanted to switch it to Charli XCX. You poured yourself another whisky drink, knowing that you shouldn’t drink anymore. Yunho lingered around you, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. 

“Water, Yunho? On your birthday? You’re so lame,” You chuckled, taking a sip from your cup. “I just know my limits," He waved his hands up, opening the water bottle. You glared at him, “Are you saying, I don't?” Yunho laughed, “You’re putting words in my mouth.” You leaned back against the counter. “You think you’re better than everyone?” Yunho took another drink from his bottle, stepping in front of you. “This made-up narrative you have of me? Where does it come from?” Your blurred vision became clearer as you stared up at him, “Is it made up? You’re telling me you’re not some goody two-shoes, church boy, who can never do wrong?” He frowned, watching you intensely as you continued, “You always want to be captain, save a hoe or something, put your two cents in where it’s not needed because you think you know so much.” You expressed mockingly, taking another sip of your drink. 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you if you clearly don’t want anything to do with me.” Yunho leaned his arm against the counter behind you, his face hovering close to yours. You shrugged at him, eyeing his lips as he spoke, his large hands fully engulfing the water bottle in his hand. You felt yourself swallow down the urge to pull him closer, to feel his warmth against you, “Would it kill you to have some fun?” You smirked, passing your semi-full cup towards him. He stared down at the red solo cup, placing his water bottle down on the counter, reaching for your cup. He stared at you as he took a large gulp, his face not even flinching, not like when he took that tequila shot. The residue of the whisky on the top of his lip, you found yourself wiping it away slowly, licking it off your finger. Yunho let out a small exhale as he watched you, gripping the cup in his hand. 

You wrapped your hand behind his neck, pulling him closer until your lips touched. The mix of hate, alcohol, and curiosity between you both. Before your lips could mold into his, he pulled away swiftly, “Y/N.” You looked off to the side as you sighed, pushing him back away from you, “I guess you can’t have fun.” Yunho moved slightly closer, but still giving you your space, “As much as I want to kis-” You waved him off him, his face growing blurry again, “Don’t even worry about it.” You crashed onto the couch, reaching into your bag to pull out your phone. It was about 1 am now, you swiped onto Seonghwa’s chat.

You: Meet me at my place?

Hwa: I’ll be there.

You smiled as you clutched your phone against your chest, stuffing it back in your bag as you pulled the bag over your shoulder. “Yeosang!” You shouted out to him, and he was sitting on the floor playing some drinking game with a few other people. He glanced over, blushed cheeks and a smile on his face, oh, he was drunk. You laughed, “I’m going to head out.” Yeosang frowned, “Already? I’ll have San walk you home.” You shook your head, reaching for your leather jacket, “No, no, it’s okay. Seonghwa is going to meet me at my place. I’ll share my location.” Yeosang nodded, waving you off. You said goodbye to a drunk San who was snuggled up with a bag of chips, singing along to the music. “I can walk you home, Y/N,” He stopped singing, his eyes trying to focus on you. “It’s okay, don’t worry, you keep singing.” You patted his shoulder as you made your way out of the apartment, to the elevator, and out the door. The chilly air hit you immediately, pulling on your jacket as you began to make your way to your place. You stumbled slightly, feeling someone hold you up instantly, balancing you. You whipped your head around, “Yunho?” You pulled your arms away from him quickly, “Don’t touch me.” You dusted yourself off, continuing to walk. You stopped in your tracks immediately, “Yunho, stop following me, you creep!” You glared back at him, stomping forward. “I just want to make sure you get home safe, okay? It’s late.” 

“I am capable of getting home, thank you, but no thank you.” You held onto your shoulder bag, trekking down the sidewalk, trying to focus on not falling over. After a few minutes, you were sure Yunho stopped following you, but as you turned around, he was about half a block behind you, “Yunho, please. Just go back to your party!” Yunho slowly caught up, “I am not going to feel okay if I don’t know you made it home safely.” Yunho insisted, his cheeks turning a pink shade from the chilly air. “I’m like 3 blocks away now, okay? I’ll be home in no time, now go,” You sighed loudly as you continued to hear the steps behind you. You were just a block away from your house, feeling your phone vibrate in your jacket pocket, Seonghwa. You answered quickly, “Hi.” You smiled into the phone, glancing up to see him walking toward you on the opposite side of the sidewalk. “I see you,” He giggled, making his way to you, wrapping you up in an embrace. 

He pulled away, standing in front of you as he stared at Yunho, who was just a few feet behind you, “Who’s that?” He asked, furrowing his eyes at the tall guy in front of him. “That’s Yunho, Yeosang’s friend. He-” Yunho moved toward you slowly, “I’m walking her home, making sure she gets in safely.” He smiled at Seonghwa. “Well, I got it from here now,” Seonghwa wrapped his arm around you. “Do you?” Yunho asked, eyeing you, “Are you going to be okay, Y/N?” You sighed, nodding, “I’m-” Seonghwa chuckled, “Listen, I’m here now. My girl doesn’t need your protection, so you can go.” Seonghwa glared, trying to pull you into your apartment building. “Your girl? I wouldn’t have guessed that.” Yunho snickered, stuffing his cold hands into his jacket pockets. “What the fuck does that mean?” Seonghwa let go of your hand, making his way closer to Yunho. “If she were my girl, I wouldn’t have let her go to a party by herself and walk home by herself, too, but that’s just me,” He shrugged. Seonghwa took hold of the collar of Yunho’s jacket, “Well good thing, nobody fucking cares what you think.” Hwa laughed, shoving him back, “Let’s get inside now, Y/N.” 

You looked back at Yunho as you made your way inside, holding Seonghwa’s hand tightly. As soon as you got into your apartment, Seonghwa led you to the bed, your drunk self lying back, kicking off your boots. Seonghwa sat on the chair in the living room, tapping his fingers on his thigh anxiously. You noticed he wasn’t lying on the bed with you, sitting up, you stared at him from across the room. “Babe?” The frown on his face caused you to sober up ever so slightly. “Everything okay?” You pushed, glancing down at the small rip on your tights. “Is something going on between you and that guy?” He spoke softly, staring down at the floor in front of him instead of you. “What?” You scoffed, replaying the kiss from earlier in your head, gulping down the guilt, “No, he’s Yeosang’s friend. I don’t know him that well.” Seonghwa nodded, exhaling as he finally looked up at you, “Y/N, please be honest with me. The man walked you home, almost wanted to start shit with me. Did something happen between you?” 

The guilt spread on your face, hoping it wasn’t noticeable. “We kissed.” You mumbled under your breath, feeling your eyes water. You peeked up to see Seonghwa still like a statue, not moving, but the clenching of his jaw was obvious. “I was drunk, I still am. I-It didn’t mean anything, Hwa.” He nodded, running his fingers through his hair as he leaned back on the chair, looking up at the ceiling stoically, “I mean, I can’t say anything. It's not like you're my girlfriend.” The words stung deep, like a knife twisted in your chest, twisting and twisting. Your breath quickened, like a switch was turned on in your head. The uneasiness, this guilt, the heavy feeling that you had for the past few months, building in your chest, “Hwa.” You cried out, watching him get up from the chair to finally face you. “I don’t trust easily, Y/N, you know this. It takes so much for me to let anyone in because it somehow always leads to disappointment. Which is why I lingered so much on the thought of us being together. I can’t do this, I’m proven right every time and I’m so fucking tired.” You felt the tears fall instantly, steaming as they ran down your still-cold cheeks.

“Yeah, I fucked up and kissed him. I’m sorry. But what about all the times I caught you flirting with other girls, the messages in your phone that you played off as jokes?” You felt the anger bubble inside of you, “Own up to that, Seonghwa.” He bit down on his lip; you could tell from his eyes that his thoughts were running a mile a second, “I’m done, Y/N.” You jumped up from your bed, seeing him walk toward your door, “Are you serious? You’re going to guilt-trip me and then not even take accountability of your mistakes? You’re a fucking coward Park Seonghwa.” You shouted out, following behind him, shutting the door in his face, “Fuck!” You yelled out to the door, making your way back to your bed, missing it and sliding down to the floor. You lay on the scratchy rug, the tears welling up as you gazed up at the ceiling; you felt everything but nothing at the same time. 

—--------

The sun peeked through your curtains, making you stir in your bed, pulling the sheets over your head. Your head pounded, just what you needed, a hangover. You pushed the duvet off of you, glancing down at the outfit you wore yesterday still on your body. You didn’t bother to change or take your makeup off after Seonghwa left, instead, you sobbed into your pillows and fell asleep that way. You sighed deeply before pushing yourself to get up to change your clothes and wash your face. Your brain hadn’t seemed to have processed everything that happened; you knew you would get messy when you drank, but still did it anyway. Instead of having a good time at the party, you were left with misery as a party favor. You looked at yourself in the mirror, streaks of mascara down your cheek, “You’re such a mess.” You chuckled at yourself, splashing the cold water in your face.

You decided that you would stay in, watch movies, and order takeout until the unforeseen future; you had no motivation to see anyone or anything, not even the sky. You sat in your living room, watching a random 80s rom-com from the stack of movies you had. Bad boy meets good girl, can’t help but fall in love with her, and cannot hide his true feelings, “A bunch of bullshit!” You shouted at the TV, groaning as you leaned back on the chair. But this was your life for a moment, at least you thought so. It was day 3 of moping in your sadness and refusing to see the daylight, full vampire mode, until you were reminded that people cared about your well-being. Your phone rang, Yeosang. You placed the phone to your ear, holding it up with your shoulder as you shoved more popcorn in your mouth, “What’s up?” Yeosang laughed on the other end, “I haven’t heard from you since the party, that’s what’s up. Why haven’t you been answering my texts?” You tossed a kernel up in the air, missing your mouth completely. 

“Right. Well, let’s just say things are shit.” You tossed another kernel up in the air, catching it this time. “Why? What happened?” You sighed, placing the popcorn to the side as you curled up in the chair, “Seonghwa ended things.” You heard Yeosang exhale on the other end, “I’m sorry, Y/N.” You played with your hands, holding back your tears, “Thanks. I’ll get over it, he wasn’t good for me anyway.” You took a deep breath, your mind replaying the fight with Seonghwa over and over. “Why don’t you come over? We can order some food, and play Mortal Kombat? I’ll let you win,” Yeosang snickered. “I always win, Yeosang. What do you mean?” He scoffed, “No, you don’t! Come here and prove it.” You smiled, breaking out into a giggle, “Fine, I’ll come over. Be there in a few.” You hung up, glancing at the state your apartment was in, but having no motivation to clean it right now. 

—--------

The days locked in your apartment made you miss the warmth of the sun, although the air was still chilly. You made your way to Yeosang’s apartment, clicking on the elevator button. You watched as the numbers descended, finally pinging to the lobby. You slid into an empty elevator, pressing Yeosang’s floor, watching the doors close slowly, “Hold the elevator!” You heard someone shout out, usually you would be an ass and pretend you didn’t hear that but you held your hand out for the person. “Thanks.” Ugh, shit. You stared up at Yunho as he made his way in the elevator. “Great," You mumbled under your breath, standing in the corner on the opposite side of him. “Hi,” He spoke, biting down on his lip as you ignored him. 

“Why are you here? I thought I would just get to spend time with my best friend alone, guess not.” You sighed as the elevator moved slowly. “I didn’t know you had plans with Yeosang, I’m sorry. I don’t have to stay, I’ll just go,” Yunho spoke softly, looking over at you. “Now you want to listen to me," You smirked, shaking your head. “What did I do?” Yunho turned to face you. “What didn’t you do?” He furrowed his brows, “Well, maybe you should tell me.” You laughed, looking down at your hands, “I’m not going to bother.” Yunho scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, “There you go again.” You glanced over at him, “What does that mean?” The lights from the elevator flickered as it halted to a complete stop, the number on the screen stopping at the 7th floor. You clicked on the buttons, none of them making it move, “Fuck.” You whined, smacking your head against the wall of the elevator, “We’re fucking stuck. How wonderful.” Yunho moved toward the buttons, holding down the emergency button, and the operator picked up, “Hi, we’re in an elevator on 3214 North Emory Street, and it seems like we’re stuck.” Yunho continued explaining to the operator the situation you were both in. “Okay, we’re sending someone over, could be about 30 to 40 mins. Try and remain calm, they will get you out shortly.”

“Remain calm?” You felt your breath quicken; this was the worst time to be claustrophobic. “Hey, deep breaths okay?” Yunho came to your side, sitting you down next to him, his hands holding yours. You nodded at him, feeling your breath slow down, “I’m good, I’m okay.” You glanced down at your hands, both of you pulling away quickly. You couldn’t help but laugh, “What is my life?” You leaned your head against the wall, closing your eyes. It was silent for a few minutes until Yunho spoke again, “I’m sorry for that night.” You opened your eyes, looking over at him, “This is like your 5th apology to me, I think.” You smirked, playing with the rings on your fingers. “If you accept it, I’ll stop,” Yunho chuckled, watching you fidget with your rings. You rolled your eyes, looking over at him, “That’s no fun.” You smiled.

“I think I should be the one to apologize.” Yunho gasped playfully, receiving a nudge from you, “I’m serious! I’ve been such an ass to you, you’re just a good guy and I crucified you for it.” He held his hand up to his chest, “Damn crucified? You’re playing up this church boy role, huh?” You grinned, “Well, aren’t you?” Yunho nodded, “Sure, but it’s not the only thing I am.” He tapped his hand on his legs, “You paint me out to be this saint who could do no wrong. But I’ve done wrong, I can be bad too.” He laughed, playing with the material of his pants. “Oh really? Bad boy Yunho exists? Do tell.” He peeked over at you, his smile fading, “Well, I wanted to punch your boyfriend that night, that’s for sure.” You felt the pressure on your chest again at the mention of Seonghwa, “He’s not my boyfriend.” You responded quickly, biting down on your lip, “He ended things with me that night.” You confessed, staring at Yunho, who had a sad frown on his face, “I told him that we kissed, and he lost it. I mean rightfully so.” Yunho huffed, “He didn’t deserve you.” You shuckled lightly, “You love to say that when you don’t even know me and what I deserve, Yunho.”

He leaned his head back, “I don’t need to know you, to know that you deserve a good guy to treat you well. Someone who will bring you your favorite food, walk you home at night, apologize, take accountability, and will hear you out even if you want to bite their head off.” You couldn’t help but laugh, “Yunho, you’re describing yourself. What are you on about?” Yunho scooted closer to you, his legs brushing against yours. You looked down as his hand traveled to yours, “It means I should’ve kept kissing you that night.” You both stared at each other for a minute, like the heat between you was building as he inched his face closer, kissing your lips softly. You didn’t pull away, instead, you placed your hand on his cheek, pulling him into a deeper kiss, the smell of his cologne penetrating your space. His lips lingered on yours as he kissed the corner of your lips, your cheeks, and back to your lips again, “I’m-” You put your finger up to his lips, “I swear, Yunho, if you apologize one more time.” You threw your leg over him, straddling him now, your arms wrapped around his neck. You kissed him again, not wanting to ever stop. 

He held you close to him, his hands on your lower back as he kissed you with such need, a craving for more of you. You ran your fingers through his hair, feeling his lips trail down your neck, placing kisses on your shoulder, licking your skin delicately. You bit down on his bottom lip, tugging it playfully, a smile appearing on his face before he crashed his lips on yours again, his tongue slipping into your mouth. You moaned softly against his mouth, tugging at his hair lightly, feeling him grow beneath you. You felt your hips move against him slowly, an ache burning in your core as you kissed down his neck, sucking at his skin roughly, as he exhaled a groan. You slipped your hands into his coat, tugging at it for him to take it off. He obliged, doing the same to your jacket. His hands slid down the back of your thighs, squeezing them tightly, his fingers creeping under your skirt, up toward your ass. You pulled away from his neck, staring into his eyes as you rocked against him, causing his mouth to drop open as he watched you. 

Beep. “Hey guys-” The operator spoke, causing you and Yunho to jump up instantly. “We have firefighters on their way up to let you out, give them like 5 minutes, okay?” You gulped, fixing your hair and your lipstick. You reached for your jacket from the floor and put it back on, “Thank you.” You stared over at Yunho, his hands adjusting himself as he reached for his coat, too. You both peeked at each other, giggling coming from both sides of the elevator, as the doors opened up in front of you.

[hongism]

what lies beneath us. - c. san (m)

➼ genre; fluff, smut, slight angst for the first half but i make it better quickly promise ➼ pairing; san x afab!reader ➼ au; established relationship, college au ➼ warnings; explicit smut ➼ rating; m/18+ ➼ wc; 6.4k

one busy semester is all it took for you and san to find yourselves struggling to find footing in the storm that is your relationship, yet rather than let go, he asked for one more week, one more day, one last chance to help get you back to shore

part of the ...and it's snowing collab.

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➼ smut warnings; unprotected sex, oral: m, vaginal fingering, praise, body worship, service-top san, san has some slightly submissive tendencies, coming inside

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You normally wouldn’t find yourself in Wooyoung’s apartment on a Tuesday morning, sitting at the bar counter beside his roommate with two mugs of coffee sitting on the granite between you, but you also haven’t had any leisure time to waste lately. It’s a miracle that Wooyoung is even up before ten o’clock, though that might be in part due to you pleading desperately over the phone to come over.

“Oh, you make her coffee but not me? The fuck is up with that, Hwa?” Speak of the devil, Wooyoung comes into the kitchen still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“She’s a guest, you live here. And I had to wake you up because you slept through three alarms so my sympathy levels are close to zero right now.” Seonghwa flashes a faux shrug despite the heated glare he’s sent. Wooyoung lets out a huff but lets it go in favor of redirecting his attention to you.

“Right, well, what did you need to talk about so badly that it couldn’t wait until the afternoon?”

“San is coming over tonight, I couldn't do the afternoon,” you mumble.

“Is it about him then? Did something—” he waves a hand through the air like that’ll explain his thoughts, and when confusion shows on both your face and Seonghwa’s, he gives up “—did something happen between you guys?”

“It feels a bit awkward,” you admit over the rim of your coffee mug. Wooyoung scoffs at that, but Seonghwa is far more forgiving than your best friend in that he sends you a sympathetic grin. 

“Awkward?” he prompts, toying with his own drink. Wooyoung pushes away from the counter and turns to the coffee maker.

“I don't know. Yeah, awkward, a bit. I guess. Like we don't know what we're doing or how to be in a relationship anymore.”

The brutal semester you both just suffered has been the main factor in the wedge in your relationship. Weekends full of studying, ones that you spent together at the start of the semester when he would come to your place or vice versa so that you could be together even while working. Then, San started picking up more shifts at his part-time job, and you had to redirect your focus to a particularly important internship that required you to forgo those weekends in the blink of an eye. You did have two weekends free of school and work, but San had to rush home during one of those on account of his mother falling ill. The other one was shot by you falling ill with the worst cold you’ve known in all your years of living. San came by that Friday with your favorite chicken and beer, but you couldn’t bring yourself to risk getting him sick when you knew how important the semester was to him too. It didn’t keep him from coming by again Saturday and Sunday both, soup was delivered to your front door along with voice messages wishing you well throughout the night. Even your text conversations were fizzling into oblivion by the time finals rolled around, which only served to amplify your feelings of dread. 

“Has he been acting differently?” Wooyoung tunes back into the conversation, this time more serious with his tone. “Like, he's pulling away or something?” Wooyoung stands on a different footing in this conversation and knows things Seonghwa doesn't in terms of your relationship with San. He's been there for you since well before you started dating San, and you're certain that he'll be there for you if it were to end tomorrow, the next day, or years down the line. 

“It's gonna sound so childish and stupid but he hasn't been calling me nicknames since the semester ended.” You tuck your hands into your lap and shrink into yourself a little, feeling the hot burn of shame well up inside.

“That's not stupid at all, y/n,” Seonghwa reassures barely a second after you finish your train of thought. “That's not.”

“He's right. That's totally unlike San.”

“Not! Helping!”

“I'm just being honest?!”

“Look, y/n, I don't want you to start having doom thoughts or thinking the worst — that doesn't mean his feelings for you have changed.” You’re starting to think that you should’ve asked Seonghwa for advice from the start instead of Wooyoung. “Maybe he's feeling that awkwardness you are too, or maybe he's feeling insecure. The only way to know is to ask. Have an open and honest conversation about it.”

“But…” You glance past Seonghwa to look at Wooyoung's back. Without even needing to look back, he seems to feel the weight of your stare.

“You're scared that if you bring it up, the worst will happen and y'all will break up.”

“We've been dating for so long that I don't know what I would do if that happened. I don't know how to be single, no offense to either of you, but it's just that we've been together for so long now. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if it ended.”

“If…” Wooyoung bites his words back as though he's unsure of how they will come out. “I don't want this to sound harsh, but if all it takes for him to lose his feelings for you is one busy semester, then that's not someone I would want you to have a future with. I know it's not up to me and it's not my business, but I want you to value yourself more than you value your relationship with San.”

“I truly don't think he's lost his feelings for you, y/n,” Seonghwa cuts in again, hand darting out across the counter in your direction. “Woo is right; you should value yourself more than the relationship you're in, but that doesn't mean you can only have one of those things. They can coexist.”

“What if I’m fighting for something he doesn’t want any longer?” you inquire softly and under your breath.

“The spark isn’t gone, y/n, I’m certain of that much. Maybe you just… need to find a way to reignite it!” The coffee maker dings loudly behind Wooyoung. And like it’s turning on a lightbulb in Wooyoung’s head, his expression turns suddenly bright. “Why not do just that? It’s been half a decade, to be fair, so really you can’t be blamed if things feel a little stale. If you went and did things that made you fall for each other in the first place, wouldn’t that help a bit?”

“I hate to say it…”

“You always say that when I’m right!”

“Ignoring him, that does sound like a good plan, y/n.”

Despite the reassurance from both your best friend and someone you consider to be far more mature and wiser, it doesn’t fully quell the concerns settling in your gut.

It’s only been six days since you last saw San, though you would argue that it feels a lot more like six months given how absent you both have been from each other’s lives of late. While that isn’t particularly your fault or his wholly — it’s definitely a joint effort that’s kept you apart — it does make your skin itch with anxiety every time you think about seeing him again.

It’s all culminated into this moment right now, where you sit on the edge of your couch waiting for the doorbell to ring and announce his arrival. You want to see him, desperately so, you’ve missed him so incredibly much that you can hardly stand it. And yet — you’re rooted to the cushions riddled by anxieties. You tried to rid yourself of the lingering stress after leaving Wooyoung’s apartment by doing chores properly for the first time in months, going so far as to run to the grocery and restock some necessities as well. You hate to be the type of partner who cannot do anything alone without associating it with your partner, but San was on your mind throughout the day.

Will he feel the same as you even though the flame keeping your relationship alive has been inching closer and closer to nothingness? The two of you don’t fight, in fact, your friends like to say that things go a little too smoothly between you two, and while that’s true, they aren’t aware of what it looks like when you and San aren’t getting along. It looks the way this semester has, slow conversations that lead nowhere and less time spent in each other’s presence. You aren’t fighting right now, but you certainly aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. The weather mirrors your emotions — dim greys shrouded by white flurries of snow that have been falling since early afternoon.

You clench your fingers around the seam of the couch cushion. No part of you wants to play the part of the overbearing partner: if you’re too eager to see him, wouldn’t he find it off-putting? 

The doorbell rings.

It takes a moment for you to brace yourself for impact, standing and walking over to the door as slowly as you can manage without it seeming like a deliberate delay. The second you open the door, however, your worries melt away for a moment. 

San smiles so brightly like you’ve not gone a second without reveling in each other’s presence. The weather is clinging to his coat still even though he had to climb three flights of stairs to reach your door. The little snowflakes are beginning to melt into the fabric.

“May I come in?” The facade cracks a bit. It’s not like him to ask such things, but you choose not to hold it against him now.

“Yeah, yeah, I finally had time to clean the other day so everything’s — nice.” 

If your smile is strained, he says nothing about it, stepping over the threshold and into your apartment like it’s the first time he’s ever done so. He’s polite all the time, but now it makes those seeds of doubt sprout further because you’ve been together for five years now, what reason does he have to act like a stranger in your home? A home he’s been in time and time again, one he’s slept in, fucked you— 

“Do you want ramen or pizza?” You force the thoughts to come to a halt before your expression turns bitter.

“Let’s do ramen, I’ll cut up the vegetables for you.”

There’s an elephant in the room that it seems neither of you wants to address, and so you keep your mouth shut just the same as San with the thought of “maybe this awkwardness will pass after tonight”. You watch him remove his coat and hang it up on the door while still picking at your nails. He extends a hand to you, one you take eagerly, and you lace your fingers through the gaps between his. A bit like a well-oiled machine, you think, something that Wooyoung had noted about the two of you as far back as freshman year of college. San presses his lips to the top of your head. You lean into the touch ever so slightly. 

You share in a quiet synergy that carries you through the motions of preparing food, with no conversation exchanged aside from a “watch for the knife” and “careful, behind you” on occasion. You’re still trying to psyche yourself up to bring up what’s truly on your mind, so you aren’t sure that you’d be able to get any conversation out without it spiraling into insanity right off the bat. For the moment, for now, you want to simply drink in San’s presence. 

He hums as he opens a cabinet in search of bowls, but they aren’t there. 

“Oh, I—I moved the bowls to the other side.” Three months ago, your mind adds. It would do nothing but add salt to a blossoming wound. San stops dead in his tracks too. He seems to suffer the same crisis that you do right then. After a few seconds of mental buffering, he resumes his humming and shifts to the adjacent cabinet like the moment didn’t happen at all. 

You sit beside each other at the bar counter, atop the uncomfortable stools you’ve had for well over two years now, but it offers a weird comfort because it’s familiar, it’s something San knows, it’s something you share and have shared for years. 

“Thanks for the meal,” San says, still wearing a bitten-back smile. 

“Of course. Thank you for helping.” But the detrimental reality of not speaking to someone properly for a long while is that part of you forgets how to make conversation with them. There is nothing for you and San to “catch up on” seeing as you’ve been keeping each other updated on your lives through dry text conversations. “Um…” He’s eyeing you carefully now, and you could pass off the watering in your eyes as the spice of the food, but he would call your bluff in an instant. The funny thing about doubt is that once it’s taken root, it’ll keep growing back no matter how many times you chop at the stem.

“What’s wrong, y/n?”

“It’s just — I don’t — are we breaking up?”

San freezes halfway over his ramen, chopsticks nearly falling from his fingers as he rushes to put his noodles back down. Your shoulders start shaking before you can stop it. He doesn’t stop you from turning away from him, but San has always been endlessly patient and gentle with you so you don’t expect him to ask you to look at him anyway. He does rest a hand atop your forearm though, and his thumb drags small, comforting circles over your skin. 

“Talk to me, y/n, what do you mean by that? Why would we be breaking up?” The words themselves sound calm. There’s a slight quiver to his tone, however, that makes you want to crawl inside yourself and disappear. “A-Are you wanting that?” Your continued lack of response makes San more urgent than ever, and he shifts his hand to your leg, spinning you to face him. You can’t be certain of the expression on your face (though you’d wager there is some degree of hurt); whatever San sees makes him let out a distressed noise from the back of his throat. “Come here, duck, talk to me.”

Standing on somewhat shaky legs, you push yourself closer to San, and he instinctually moves his knees apart to let you tuck yourself into the space there.

“Don’t cry, baby, I’m here, you can talk to me,” he murmurs, hands cupping your face in his hands. You reach down to cling to his shirt like it’s a lifeline. 

“That’s the first time you’ve called me that in weeks. This is the first time we’ve spent time together in six days. We’ve barely spoken or spent time together all semester, and I know why — I know we agreed that school and work have to come first. I know that.” Your voice drops to a whisper as you lose the confidence to speak. “I didn’t think it would mean losing you though.”

“You haven’t lost me, y/n. I’m still here, with you, loving you just as much as ever.” San smiles a little as you push your cheek further into his palm. “My feelings have not changed. I thought about you every day, wondered how you were doing, and if you responded to my texts late, I hoped you were eating well and getting enough rest. I listened to your voice memos rooting for me every night. Your face was always the first thing I saw in the morning because I still keep that slideshow of you as my lockscreen.” Reaching around to the back of your neck, he gives you a little tug, and your foreheads bump together. “The thought of you helped get me through the semester because I knew that it was you who was waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.”

“Sannie…”

“How long have you been worried over this, baby? You should’ve come to me the moment you started having doubts. I wouldn’t have let this go on if I had known.”

“I thought I felt you pulling away so I was scared to bring it up. You weren’t calling me nicknames anymore, and I started reading into it too much and freaked myself out.”

“I’m so sorry, y/n. Don’t put the blame on yourself, it’s not a crime to have anxieties. I didn’t even realize I stopped using them. I suppose I just got swept up in my own feelings and wanted to call you by your name as much as possible.” He nudges you with his head again. “Because I missed you so dearly.” Your lips turn up at the corners, a gesture that doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. “And because I adore you so so much, my y/n.”

“Stop that.” You hope he doesn’t, truly.

“But I’m so mushy and full of love for you, y/n.”

“You’re gonna make me blush.”

“Oh, I can think of other ways to do that, baby.” San stands, subsequently pushing his body into yours, but your hands are still on each other, his moving down to caress the back of your thigh before he hooks his fingers around the bend of your knee and hoists your leg up over his hip. “I haven’t been good to you, my sweet,” he murmurs close to your lips. “What kind of boyfriend am I if I let you feel unwanted?” Your heart skips a beat as he grips tight at your other leg, then you’re suddenly weightless for a second as he hoists you up to his waist.

“We just ate—”

“I don’t plan on letting that stop me.” You let out a gasp as San traces the line of your jaw with his lips, hot breath spilling across your skin as he carries you from the kitchen. “Unless you want it to?” This damned man knows what he’s doing, he knows the hold he has over you — your brain is already turning into a foggy mess of want, and even the prospect of waiting two minutes for him to lay his hands on you is too much to bear. Your nails drag across his shoulders, tugging at the thin material. He misses the doorknob to your bedroom thanks to your antics, sending you against the wood a little harshly and forcing the air out of your lungs. “Sorry, sorry.”

“Still on the pill.”

“Hm?” he echoes, managing to turn it right on the second try and popping it open properly.

“I’m still on the pill,” you repeat. San freezes in place to stare at your face. You bring a hand around to toy at his parted lips with your thumb. “So you can fuck me raw.”

San becomes so dumbstruck that his jaw moves up and down over and over without any semblance of noise coming out.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me come in my pants like a horny teenager,” he says under his breath. You drop your head back and laugh. San’s hold on you feels so blissfully warm. You didn’t even have time for this during the semester, sometimes thanks to your workloads but more often thanks to sheer exhaustion. A few solo jaunts before bed are hardly enough to please you the way San does. Based on how tightly he’s gripping your ass, he seems to feel exactly the same.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

He manages to get you both to the bed without further incident, laying you down on the mattress with a sort of reverence that makes your chest swell with emotion. Even through the barrier of clothing, his fingers are hot and sear a path from your hips up your waist then right back down again as San wastes no time in stripping you of your pants. 

“I missed you so fucking much it’s insane.” You want to respond, but the sight of your lover dropping to his knees at the foot of the bed stops you in your tracks. All you can do is lie there and watch him tug your pants off, lips moving to kiss each bit of exposed skin along the way. Goosebumps rise across your body when he kisses his way up higher. His broad frame cages you in the closer he gets to your face, and despite his hands being on the somewhat small side, they feel all-encompassing when they’re sneaking under your shirt and exploring the skin beneath.

“I missed you more,” you murmur, catching his chin between your fingers and angling his face upwards so you can properly look at him. “I love you so so much, San. More than I can put into words.”

“Yeah?” You make no effort to pull him higher although he moves as though you do and climbs all the way up to be right over your face. He hums before dipping down to kiss the corner of your mouth. “I think I’ve missed you more still though—” another kiss, this time to the opposite side of your mouth “—but you’re welcome to challenge me on that.”

“San,” you whine. He pulls back and sits back on his knees. Your brain goes totally blank watching him take his shirt off. It’s something you’ve seen time and time again, truly nothing new or foreign to you, but something about it now makes your gut twist in on itself. He’s lost a bit of the muscle you’ve grown accustomed to seeing on him, now softer around the edges, at the waist and across his stomach. It doesn’t curb your desire for him in the slightest; if anything it makes you want him more, to cling to him tighter and feel him firmer against you.

He throws the shirt down to the floor and drags a hand through his dark hair. His legs are splayed around yours, putting the prominent bulge in his pants on full display before you.

“I want you to use me, y/n.” He grabs your hand from where it’s resting against the bed and brings it to his chest. You dig your nail into his flesh like it’s second nature to do so. “Tonight, for your pleasure.” His eyes trail after your every moment, watching as you sit up and pull your legs out from under him. You graze the underside of his dick ever so slightly yet it’s still enough to make his lashes flutter. 

“Then…” San is like putty in your hands, conforming to every move you make while still maintaining that unbreaking eye contact. He turns with you, and you climb off the bed to stand despite feeling seconds away from toppling over. All it takes is the slightest push against his chest for him to lie flat on his back. “Will you be good for me?” 

His response comes in the form of a bitten-back whine thanks to you cupping the bulge of his cock as you withdraw your hand. It’s intoxicating to strip him of his jeans and feel every inch of his pretty tapered waist. You urge him to move further up on the bed, making room for you between his legs once you’ve tossed his pants down beside yours on the floor. The tip of his cock peeks out the top of his underwear, already stiff and leaking precum onto the elastic band. Saucy nudes here and there don’t do him nearly enough justice, you think. You tease just the bit of him that's exposed with your tongue, licking at the sensitive and swollen head, and he twitches beneath the fabric. Humming to yourself, you inch his underwear down just far enough to put his whole member on display, along with his balls, but you don’t go any further than that. It’s enough for you to get your mouth around him, after all, and that’s exactly what you do without giving San any time to brace himself for the touch.

He lets out a desperate moan the moment your wet heat envelopes his length, fingers curling into his palms around the comforter. His hips twitch with the desire to thrust upwards, but he keeps himself firmly planted on the bed, fulfilling his end of the bargain for you and being so delightfully good. The weight of him on your tongue isn’t nearly enough; you want him buried deep inside you as soon as possible, and you’d go on and do it now if you didn’t think it would hurt like a bitch given how long it’s been since you’ve taken him. San isn’t distracted enough to miss the way you retract a hand to touch yourself, and he fights to speak through broken moans.

“I w-wanna touch you, pretty.” You lift yourself off his cock until just the tip sits on your lower lip.

“I’ll let you later when I ask you to fold me in half and fuck me into the mattress.” You sink two fingers into your hole, taking San back into your mouth to revel in that full feeling again. You’re just as needy as he is, in reality, because your walls are already coated with arousal and it pools around the base of your fingers in such a way that it makes your cheeks flush. San’s noises aren’t helping in the slightest — for as quiet as he is in day-to-day life, he is ever so vocal when it comes to sex, especially when his cock is buried in your mouth. He’s just long enough to push right into the back of your throat, making it far easier for you to take him fully. 

“Your mouth feels so — fuck, fucking good, baby.” If you weren’t preoccupied, you would love to return his words with your own, so you settle for tugging at his balls a little. It earns you a delightful little yelp, and his hips buck up to drive his dick further into your throat than expected. “Hngh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“I want—” you don’t finish your train of thought, too rushed to bother with it as you scramble to rid yourself of your underwear. San greets you with his hands when you climb back onto the bed and grabs hold of your waist. He tugs and pulls at your shirt until it’s gone too, leaving you with nothing more than your plain black bra. However, even that San seems to find issue with, because he toys with the clasp until it comes loose and throws that aside too.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs, settling back against the mattress. He’s always told you this is his favorite position, to see you straddling his hips and bouncing on his cock, though he favors missionary quite a bit as well because it lets him see your body and face while he’s fucking you (despite how much he loves your ass). His cock is trapped between your pussy and his stomach now, hard and throbbing for the same kind of stimulation you so desperately crave. You drag your folds along his length a few times just to tease San, but he grips your hip in warning. In hindsight, you should have let him finger you open more before because the stretch is far more than you remember — not enough to hurt, but enough for you to really feel every inch of him entering your body. It makes you writhe atop him, your spine arches, and you drop your head back. San holds you like you're a precious gem, thick arms circling around your waist as you rest your hands on his chest. The position gives you some much-needed stability, but San's fingers have begun to get severely distracting. He rolls his thumbs into your skin, pausing only to squeeze and pinch at the more sensitive parts of your sides. 

“I’m gonna start moving,” you whisper like being too loud will break some sort of seal. San nods and unwraps his arms enough to simply hold your hips. Despite the decrease in definition of his muscles, his strength doesn’t seem to have gone anywhere, because he lifts you with such ease that it’s a bit dizzying. Still, he lets the control rest in your hands. You sink down slowly on his cock, letting your walls get used to the drag, before doing the same motion two, three more times. The first whimper to fall from your lips is what snaps your resolve. San’s hold on you remains firm but only to ease the strain on your thighs as you begin to pick up your pace. 

“Beautiful, beautiful, you’re so beautiful, my sweet.” San rolls his hips up in time with your movements, driving his cock up into your cunt as you drop yourself onto him, and it reaches so deep inside you that you see stars behind your eyelids. “Missed you so much, missed this, seeing your body through photos wasn’t enough — fuck, it wasn’t enough.”

“How many, ah, times did you come to those photos, hm?” You crack one eye open to watch San’s face. He’s already flushed with want, but the red in his cheeks deepens more upon hearing your question. You lean your weight further into your hands. “I fingered myself so many times thinking of you, Sannie. B-But, hngh, it wasn’t good enough. Not as good as your cock. Nothing… n-nothing feels as good!”

San thrusts up with more vigor now, all but taking over for you to go slack above him as he drives your hips down with his hands and pushes his length into you from the opposite direction. Then, suddenly, his movements falter and stutter to a halt, and he looks just as shocked as you are when his cock twitches against your walls. A blooming of warmth fills you right after, along with the realization that San has just come inside you without warning.

“I-I’m sorry, I — I didn’t mean to, ah, I thought I would last longer.” He slings an arm up over his eyes, and the red in his face deepens in hue. “I’m sorry, I should’ve let you come first.” You click your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Leaning down over him, you peel his arm away from his face so that you can see his shamed expression better.

“Your dick is far from the only thing that can make me come, babe. Right?” 

He nods a few times, but there’s still a pout on his lips. You kiss it away. 

“Then—” you detach yourself from his body, bringing about an unwelcome emptiness as his spent cock slips out of you, and roll onto your back beside him. He watches with rapt attention as you spread your legs and open your pussy to him. “Why don’t you?”

San moves with surprising haste for a man who has just come, rolling into the space between your legs, and while you expected him to just use his fingers to get you off, he hooks his hands around your thighs and shoves his face into your used cunt instead. It yanks a startled moan out of you, and it’s only amplified when he closes his lips around your clit. He’s lucky you don’t give him a concussion with how quickly you slam your thighs around his head. You don’t notice that he’s moved a hand until fingers are prodding at your leaking entrance and urging the come he just pumped into you back into your hole.

“O-Oh, San.” 

Normally, he takes his sweet time eating you out, bringing you to the precipice of orgasm before sending you right back down time and time again without release. Though, either out of lingering shame at coming early or simply out of a desire to make you unravel, San laps at your clit so eagerly that it sends shudders through you. You can feel your blood rushing lower as he urges you to come, walls clenching around his fingers. It only takes another second more for the first wave to hit you, and it makes you scramble to grab hold of San’s hair as he keeps curling his fingers over your sweet spot. He does so throughout each wave of your orgasm until tears burn the corners of your eyes and you’re all but pleading for him to grant you some mercy.

“You — you had nothing to prove, you know,” you say between desperate attempts to catch your breath. San giggles and looks up at you from his lewd position. “Ugh!” You shove his head away from you half-heartedly just to spare yourself more embarrassment.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that, duck!”

You only go as far as the pillows, turning back to him immediately and opening your arms to welcome him into them. 

“I came too early, of course I had something to prove,” he adds once he’s snugly placed against your chest. You slot together like two pieces of a puzzle, his head under your chin and your breath stirring the messy strands of hair in your path. “I’ve fallen out of practice. When was the last time I did that? It’s embarrassing…”

You can’t contain your laughter.

“You always come a little early when I ride you.”

“That’s not fair!”

All you can do to soothe him is pat his head. You feel a tad sticky and gross all over, but San’s warmth more than makes up for it, and if you’re not careful, you’re certain you’ll fall asleep within minutes. A small sniffle coming from the man atop you chases thoughts of rest away in the blink of an eye though.

“San?”

“’m okay, promise.”

“You’re crying, baby, that’s not ”okay“.”

“I just,” he inhales and licks over his lips, skating across your sternum in the process. “I wasn’t sure I was gonna stay afloat without you.” You comb your fingers through his hair.

“Tell me when you need me and I’ll be there. Always.”

“I didn’t want to disrupt your schedule and get in the way.”

“You have to trust that I’ll take care of myself and my responsibilities even if I help you too. You always tell me that when I worry over the same things. It goes both ways, San, okay?”

“Okay.” He nods against you. “Okay, I’ll try to remember that. As long as you don’t lock yourself away when things get tough. Rely on me if you need strength. And talk to me when something is on your mind.”

“Alright, we have an agreement.” Out of nowhere, you remember Wooyoung’s suggestion from this morning. Picking at a stray piece of San’s hair, you mull over your thoughts some more. You could let things settle as they are now since things seem to be back to a pleasant state of balance. But even so, would it do any harm to try anyway? “I’d like to go on a first date again. With you. I want us to go on a first date again.”

“Hm?”

“Like… I want us to go out like it’s the first time all over again. And feel that excitement and giddiness we had back then. We don’t have to, it’s just a thought. I don’t know. Maybe it’d be a good thing after this semester.”

Silence overtakes the room. San’s breathing is so steady that you think he’s fallen asleep, but the second you try to shift and see his face, he tilts his head up and looks into your eyes.

“Alright. Let’s go on a first date again.”

…

“I figured we’d go to that little Thai place by the grocery before heading over to the Christmas light show?”

“Oh!” Your thoughts rearrange themselves around his words. “That sounds really nice, yeah.”

“The guys wanna meet up at Wooyoung’s after for chicken and beer, but I told them I’d leave the decision up to you.” He tilts his chin a bit to the side as he speaks, lips quirked up at the corners, and you find yourself so incredibly fond of him all over again.

“Let’s see how we feel after walking around.”

You offer to drive tonight, but he denies you quickly, whining about how he filled his tank full of gas just for tonight so you don’t push the matter any further than that (though, you still tease him a bit once he opens the passenger door for you). When he turns the car on, music starts blasting through the speakers, a song you recognize well, and the dash shows that he’s been listening to the playlist you made for him at the start of the last school year. 

“Sorry, forgot the volume was up so high.” He scrambles to twist the dial down, but you stop him with your hand, gripping his wrist lightly and giving a firm shake of your head.

“I didn’t realize you still listened to it. Normally you just have the radio going.”

“Ah, well,” San’s cheeks are a bit flush under the low lights of the car, “I suppose I’ve been feeling a bit sentimental these days.” His next move is a bit hesitant; he reaches across the console and lays his hand atop your thigh. You reassure him by putting your hand over his, fingers curling around his once again. It feels normal and familiar, though you can’t count on two hands the last time you’ve done something as menial as holding hands with San. 

“San?” He makes a noise of acknowledgment while watching the road. “I’ve missed you.” His nails dig into your flesh a little, and the pressure makes your heart clench in your chest.

“I’ve missed you more.” You can only see his side profile, but it’s enough for you to catch the upturn of his lips. 

“I’ve missed you most then.” The statement slips out through a pout. 

“And I love you more than the moon loves the ocean.”

The weight of his hand is comfort enough for you to be at ease for the rest of the drive.

────────────

please like & reblog this work and consider leaving a reply or sharing your thoughts in a reblog or ask!

this work belongs to caly / hongism (2023). do not copy, repost, or plagiarize in any way.

[kysstar]

AM : ATEEZ MOOD | ATEEZ ( 500 special 🎉 )

pairing : : ateez x fem!reader (individual)

genre : : fluff, angst, hurt-comfort, romance, suggestive

warnings : : chapter-wise warnings given

synopsis : : a collection of arctic monkeys inspired ateez fanfics for my 500 followers celebration! ilysm <3 all of them are short oneshots! less than 1k words

author's note : : there will be one fanfic for each day, so no taglists! i left out so many good songs 😩 i'll probably write them separately as oneshots ynk ik 'baby, I'm yours' is a cover, but I love it very much ( date format: yymmdd )

DAY ONE ! 250503

KIM HONG JOONG : : do i wanna know?

" crawlin' back to you ever thought of callin' when you've had a few? 'cause I always do "

synopsis : : you and hongjoong are ex-lovers who can’t quit each other. late-night texts, unfinished songs about you on his laptop, and stolen glances at every party. he's pretending he’s moved on; you're pretending you don’t miss him. neither of you are very good at pretending.

DAY TWO ! 250504

PARK SEONG HWA : : no. 1 party anthem

" it's not like i'm falling in love, i just want you to do me no good and you look like you could "

synopsis : : seonghwa’s the guy you always run into when you’re both a little too tipsy and nostalgic. he's that safe danger — the one you know will catch you if you fall... but maybe this time, you don’t want to be caught.

DAY THREE ! 250505

JEONG YUN HO : : snap out of it

" what's been happenin' in your world? what have you been up to? i heard that you fell in love, or near enough i gotta tell you the truth, yeah "

synopsis : : you’ve been stuck in a rut after a brutal breakup, and yunho — your best friend who’s always secretly loved you — is trying to pull you out of it. only now, his smiles are hiding a new tension neither of you can ignore.

DAY FOUR ! 250506

KANG YEO SANG : : arabella

" she's got a barbarella silver swimsuit and when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams "

synopsis : : yeosang meets you when you're the kind of girl everyone warns him about — reckless, sharp-tongued, magnetic. he knows you're dangerous for him, but he’s too fascinated to stay away.

DAY FIVE ! 250507

CHOI SAN : : why'd you always call me when you're high?

" now, it's three in the mornin' and I'm tryna' change your mind left you multiple missed calls and to my message, you reply "why'd you only call me when you're high?" "

synopsis : : san isn’t your boyfriend — not really. he’s the unread messages at 9PM and the missed calls at 2AM. you both pretend it’s casual, but it’s getting harder to ignore the way his voice sounds when he’s not sober, or how yours cracks when you say goodbye. you’re tired of being his maybe, but you’re not sure he knows how to love anyone in daylight.

DAY SIX ! 250508

SONG MIN GI : : i bet you look good on the dancefloor

" i bet that you look good on the dancefloor i don't know if you're lookin' for romance or i don't know what you're lookin' for "

synopsis : : you and mingi meet at a chaotic college party — a blur of loud music, flashing lights, and impulsive decisions. he’s cocky, reckless, and challenges you to out-dance him. sparks fly hard and fast, and before the night’s over, you both know this isn’t just a one-time thing.

DAY SEVEN ! 250509

JUNG WOO YOUNG : : r u mine?

" i go crazy 'cause here isn't where i wanna be and satisfaction feels like a distant memory and I can't help myself, all i wanna hear her say is "are you mine?" "

synopsis : : wooyoung’s always been obsessed with you — but he hides it behind cocky jokes and teasing. when he finds out someone else has been trying to take his place, his playful act crumbles into something a lot more possessive.

DAY EIGHT ! 250510

CHOI JONG HO : : baby, i'm yours

" baby, I'm yours and i'll be yours until two and two is three yours until the mountain crumbles to the sea in other words, until eternity "

synopsis : : jongho has always loved you quietly — not with big gestures, but with small, consistent things: walking you home, remembering how you take your coffee, holding the umbrella even when he’s getting soaked. you’ve dated other guys, chased louder versions of love, but nothing ever felt as safe as his silence.

ps. i dont know what the fuck im doing lmao so these might be very random and won't make sense. please don't have high hopes.

© kysstar

[makeitmingi]

When Flowers Bloom In The Dark [Chapter 16]

Genre: Romance, Mafia!AU, Violence, Angst, Slow burn

Pairing: Hongjoong x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Florist!Reader, Mafioso!Hongjoong, Mafioso!Seonghwa, Mafioso!Yunho, Mafioso!Yeosang, Mafioso!San, Mafioso!Mingi, Mafioso!Wooyoung, Mafioso!Jongho

Summary: When you appeared and wept at his mother's funeral, Hongjoong found himself wanting to find out more about you. A regular girl, who owns a flower shop in his territory and has a relationship with the mother that he hasn't spoken to in years, why hasn't he ever noticed you before?

[Warning(s): 18+ for violence, use of weapons, smoking, alcohol consumption, slight gore, gang affiliation, tattoos and character deaths. Minors DNI. This is a work of fiction and does not represent the Ateez members in real life.]

Word count: 3.3K

"(y/n)!!!" Hongjoong heard Wooyoung's excited footsteps as he ran past the captain's office, heading down to supposedly greet you. He hadn't spoken to you since that day at the tracks and right now, he didn't really know what to say to you so maybe it was best he avoid you today again.

"I'm always apologising to her." He grumbled and slapped his forehead with a shake of his head as he typed on his keyboard.

"Good morning." You greeted an excited Wooyoung, who threw his arms around you. Luckily the driver was carrying your fragile things for you or you would have dropped it.

"Seonghwa, I made more kombucha for you. Sweetened with local honey and flavoured with hibiscus." You informed.

"Thank you, (y/n). I'm excited to see how this compares to the pineapple one you brought last time." He smiled, watching you.

"They're in here." You dug through the bag the driver was carrying for you and took out two big glass bottles. Seonghwa received them gratefully and brought them to the kitchen.

"Any goodies for me?" Wooyoung tilted his head.

"Sorry, Wooyoung." You rubbed the back of your neck. San shook his head and slapped the back of his best friend's head.

"He doesn't mean it. We'll let you get to work, (y/n)." San tugged Wooyoung away while you bowed and went to the garden. There was no sight of Hongjoong yet.

While you were starting your work, you didn't know that Hongjoong was looking at you from his office window. Luckily you never thought to look at the windows facing the garden or you would have seen him there in his office.

"Not gonna say hi?" Seonghwa asked, sipping some kombucha in his glass. Hongjoong shot him a flat look.

"Every conversation I've had with her always started with an apology from me." Hongjoong sighed as he reviewed the papers that Seonghwa just brought to him.

"I'm surprised you're the one sitting here while I'm the one working." Hongjoong scoffed.

"I just had to greet (y/n) first." Seonghwa shook his glass.

"Yeah, I know where your priorities lie, Hwa." Hongjoong rolled his eyes. Seonghwa was mentally snickering at Hongjoong's subtle sulking behaviour.

"She'll be here the whole day. Maybe go say hi to her just once while you're here." Seonghwa suggested and got up to leave.

"Hyung, we have a suspicious tailing." Yunho came to get the two oldest members.

"Where? Show us." Hongjoong frowned. Yunho handed the iPad to Hongjoong and Seonghwa that was mirroring the feed that Jongho was watching in their computer lair downstairs. There was a car that was tailing the police commissioner's car, keeping his distance but definitely following him.

"Contact the driver now. They need to stay calm and do things as per normal until we find out more of who is tailing them." Hongjoong said as the 3 of them headed down to the computer room.

"I've run the plates. Of course they're stolen but I'm trying to run traffic cams to see other possible sightings." Jongho informed.

"I'll let the commissioner know." Seonghwa took his phone out.

"Text him, don't call him. At this point, we have to assume the car is bugged." Yunho said, having just informed the commissioner's driver of what to do.

"Damn, I have my meeting." Hongjoong cursed as his phone beeped with a reminder for him.

"I can go." Seonghwa volunteered.

"No, I should go. Those rich brats have been causing too much trouble outside their parents' country club premises. I need compensation today." Hongjoong sighed.

"Hyung?" Yeosang poked his head into the computer cave, looking for Hongjoong. The captain nodded and held a hand up to wait.

"See how long the driver can drive without causing suspicion. Get Mingi to go deal with the stalkers." Hongjoong ordered those in the room before leaving the room. He went up to change into a nicer suit and grabbed his coat.

"Let's go, Yeosang." Hongjoong said, coming downstairs. As they were going to head to the basement carpark, he caught a glimpse of you working in the garden.

"Hyung? Is everything okay?" Yeosang tilted his head. Hongjoong chewed on his bottom lip.

"Yeah, come on." He nodded and went downstairs with the younger male. Since he couldn't drive yet, Yeosang was the driver.

"Mingi ah, you got the license plate?" Yunho spoke to his best friend on the phone since Mingi was out and in the area, able to go see the car that was following the commissioner's car.

"On it."

Mingi said from his end and those in the computer room could hear the revving of his engine as he sped.

"Don't confront the car yet, Mingi ah. The commissioner will be heading home now and they will follow but we believe they won't do anything. Only after he leaves, take him." Seonghwa instructed.

"Yes, hyung. I'm on it. I need eyes, there are too many cars on the street now."

"You're on the right road, Mingi hyung. You'll be taking the second exit coming up. Head in the direction of the commissioner's house, we have told the driver and the commissioner to head home. At least it is guarded there. The car will either follow them or split when they realise he's going home." Jongho said.

"Got it... Okay, I see the car. You're right, they're splitting up since they know there's a police car parked in front of the house. I'm going after them now."

With that, Mingi hung up the call. Seonghwa left Yunho and Jongho to get updates from Mingi since he had a meeting to get to too.

"Oh, Seonghwa." You bumped into him as you were coming out of the restroom.

"I'm heading out for a meeting. If you need anything, let the others know or the staff." Seonghwa smiled and you nodded your head with a slight bow as he walked to the main door.

'I temporarily forgot (y/n) was in the house. Despite all the issues coming up, let's remember to please be discreet. - Seonghwa'

Hongjoong glanced over at the message that was sent by Seonghwa and put his phone back down.

"We're very sorry, Mr Kim and Mr Kang. Please accept our apologies, our children will be disciplined." The 4 sets of parents bowed to Hongjoong and Yeosang, who remained seated with stoic expressions on their faces.

"Not good enough." Yeosang said.

"We'll pay for all the damages and more. Whatever amount you want." One of the fathers spoke up.

"You think we want money? Do I look like I need more money?" Hongjoong spoke calmly, raising an eyebrow. Yeosang merely tilted his head as he met the scared faces of the parents.

"It's sad that our generosity, letting you build your private country club here, is repaid as such." Hongjoong let out a sigh.

"We're sorry, Mr Kim." The parents all kneeled on the ground with full bows.

"The company stakes." One of the mothers gasped.

"That's more like it. Come, let's talk business." Hongjoong smirked. The two were pleased, that was what they came for. They didn't need money but company stakes gave them power.

"Please understand, we cannot make all these decisions on our own. There's still the board of directors and-"

SLAM!

Yeosang stood up, slamming his palms on the table, making the other people in the room, except Hongjoong, jump in fear. He was someone with a 'pretty' face and calm demeanour but he could be fierce and he was one of the strongest in the group, alongside Jongho and San.

"Are you giving us excuses? Would you prefer to say goodbye to one of your kids?" Hongjoong offered.

"No, please." The mothers begged for their children's lives. There was no sympathy here, these were rich children that abused their power and broke the rules.

"Go ahead, we'll give you one more chance to make an offer worthy of our time." Hongjoong smirked, gesturing to himself and Yeosang.

"Hey, (y/n)." You turned around to see Jongho standing there with a big tiered lunch box.

"Hey, Jongho. What's that?" You stood up.

"Lunch. Would you like to have lunch outside with me?" He asked. You blinked, not really expecting him to ask you that. You checked your watch, not realising it was already past noon.

"Sure." You smiled. The two of you sat in the gazebo. Jongho handed you a wet tissue to wipe your hands as he laid out the food.

"Wow, this is a lot of food." You chuckled, seeing all the food nicely arranged in the boxes.

"Hope you're hungry then." Jongho said with a smile, handing you a pair of chopsticks. It was nice and peaceful to sit with Jongho to each outside. What you didn't know was that Jongho was sent to distract you as Mingi dragged a beaten up body to the basement.

"So, have you been busy at the shop?" Jongho asked as he chewed. From the corner of his eye, he could see San helping Mingi drag the person across the main foyer.

"It's alright. Of course not as busy as holidays like Valentine's or Christmas. But I have some events coming up." You shrugged.

"You do event arrangements too?" Jongho tilted his head.

"I... try... I'm content with what I do, not like I'm looking for much publicity. But it's nice to change things up a little. Arrangements for events are so different." You chuckled.

"Take the chance to learn something new?" Jongho asked, he was now aware of your open mindedness to things.

"Yes." You giggled, taking a bite of the beef sushi that tasted absolutely delicious.

"So, tell me about your new big project then?" Jongho probed, resting his head on his hand, showing you interest. As you opened your mouth to say something, two voices emerged.

"Oh, Yunho, Wooyoung." You blinked as Yunho slid beside you and Wooyoung slid beside Jongho, taking the chopsticks out of the youngest's hands. Jongho clicked his tongue with much annoyance and slapped the back of Wooyoung's neck. But the older didn't care and started eating.

"Are you hungry, Yunho?" You asked the tall male beside you.

"No thanks, I just ate. Just came out for some fresh air. But please, continue your conversation." He chuckled, leaning against the back of the bench.

"I was just asking (y/n) here, about her new upcoming project as she branches into event arrangements." Jongho explained.

"Give me that." He snatched his chopsticks back from Wooyoung, who pouted as he chewed.

"It's nothing much, really. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole thing is a scam. But it seems like a big event, a gala of some sorts." You explained to them.

"These are the designs." You pulled up what you sent to the organiser and showed it to them on the phone.

"Wow, they're really nice! Pretty." Wooyoung complimented.

"Thank you, it's not much but I'm still learning. I'm glad the organiser approved of them. And I have my friends helping me make the different flower arrangements for the event." You informed.

"Have you ever thought to hire any help? Like a shop assistant?" Yunho asked.

"I did think about it but I don't think I would make a good boss. Managing myself has always been easy but managing someone else, being responsible for them and their pay. And there's no fixed schedule with how I work." You said.

"Nonsense, you'd make a great boss!" Wooyoung insisted.

"Maybe in the future, I'll think about it. Right now, I like my space and schedule of working and studying botany." You laughed. The three nodded, understanding where you are coming from.

"Hey, (y/n). Sorry for interrupting your conversation but guys, Hongjoong hyung needs us for a meeting." Yeosang said.

"We'll continue this." Jongho smiled as he packed up the boxes with the help of the others.

"No worries, I-I should get back to work too." You forced a smile, feeling a little weird at the mention of Hongjoong's name. So he wasn't out, he was home and probably avoiding you.

"Have a great meeting." You wished them as they waved and headed back into the house while you continued your work.

"Things are finally starting to look right." You smiled, proud of yourself as you dusted your hands.

"Hi." You jumped when Mingi's face appeared in front of yours with a cheeky grin. Being so tall, he had to lean down quite a bit in order to get to your crouched height.

"Mingi, you scared me." You placed a hand over your heart.

"Sorry! I was just curious to see what you were doing." He chuckled. On the outside, Mingi was someone that looked fierce, charismatic and confident. Frankly, all 8 of the boys were. But you have also come to learn that he was rather clumsy and scared of a lot of things, he acted like a princess sometimes.

"I finally finished repotting the plants so this is it. Everything is in the right place and should grow a lot better." You explained to him. He nodded his head, listening intently.

"Did you forget that spot then?" He tilted his head, pointing to the empty plant box on the right.

"No, I didn't. There are actually seeds there that are planted and going to grow so it's not empty like it looks." You giggled.

"Do you want to help me put the signs in?" You offered. He nodded like an excited child as you handed him a little signs that you made at home to mark the soil.

"There." You guided him on where to stick the signs into the dirt.

"Ooh, cucumbers. Wooyoung hates cucumbers." Mingi said as he read one of the signs.

"Here. You can water them too. Just go across the bed." You handed him the hose. But of course, Mingi underestimated the strength of the hose and water went everywhere.

"Mingi!" You squealed and he dropped the hose in shock, resulting in himself getting soaked too. You reached over to turn the hose off.

"Is everything okay?!" Having heard your scream, everyone else came running out, seeing you and Mingi there, drenched from head to toe. Meeting Hongjoong's worried gaze, you cleared your throat and looked away.

"Mingi ah, what did you do?" Yunho facepalmed.

"Why did you assume it was me?" Mingi asked his best friend, a betrayed look on his face.

"Because it obviously couldn't have been (y/n). You're the bumbling fool in this scenarios." Seonghwa crossed his arms, making Mingi scoff. San came over to you, draping his jacket over your shoulders.

"Thanks, San." You smiled gratefully, feeling yourself start to shiver as the cold wind blew against your drenched body.

"You should take a shower and change into some new clothes, (y/n). You'll fall ill." Yeosang said.

"I-I don't have extra clothes." You laughed awkwardly.

"It's fine, we'll find something for you. Come, let's get you out of the cold and into a nice, warm shower." Wooyoung wrapped his arm around your shoulder and led you into the house.

"Wow! Thanks for showing me concern too!" Mingi yelled as all 7 of his brothers walked into the house with you.

"Come upstairs. You can use my bathroom, it's the neatest." Seonhgwa said, much to the protest of the others there. Except Hongjoong, who stayed back and just watched. He was worried that you were hurt or would get sick but couldn't find it in him to say anything or voice any concern.

"It's okay, I'll use the bathroom downstairs." You shook your head.

"Nonsense. Go shower and we'll find you some clothes." Seonghwa led you upstairs to his room. It was such a neat and elegant space, much like how Seonghwa was as a person.

"Sorry for what Mingi did and interrupting your work." He asked as you were going to enter the bathroom.

"No need to apologise, all in good fun." You smiled softly and closed the door behind you.

It was a grand, luxurious bathroom. You removed your wet clothes and placed them in the sink, not wanting to create a puddle on the ground. But you placed your underwear on the towel warmer.

"Oh my..." You stared at the expensive soap brands that lined the shelf in Seonghwa's shower stall.

Taking a deep breath, you just took a shower like normal, following the labels on the bottles. You grabbed a spare towel from the shelf.

"I smell like Seonghwa." You chuckled as you wrapped the towel around your body and stepped out. Thankfully, there was no one in the room but you noticed an outfit laid out on the bed and the towel warmer dried your underwear.

"(y/n)!" Mingi came barrelling down the hall the moment you stepped out of Seonghwa's room. You blinked in shock, taking a small step back just in case he crashes into you.

"I am soooooo sorry!" He bowed and apologised repeatedly.

"It's okay, Mingi. It was an accident, I'm not hurt or anything. Don't worry." You patted his arm.

"So, we cool?" He winced as he held his fist out. You laughed and nodded, bumping your fist against his.

"(y/n), hand the maid your clothes. We'll wash it and dry it." Seonghwa said, coming up the stairs with a maid following behind him. You walked into the room, remembering your clothes in the sink.

"You don't have to. You can just put it in a bag and I'll bring it home to wash." You waved them off.

"No, we insist." Seonghwa nodded to the sink. The maid bowed and retrieved your clothes, disappearing before you could protest.

"Anyway, thanks for letting me use your bathroom, Seonghwa. And where ever you got these clothes." You giggled, holding the ends of the shirt that was way too big it extended past your thighs. The pants were also too big but luckily you could pull the drawstrings tight to tie a knot to help the pants stay up.

"No need to thank me just because you used my bathroom, (y/n). It's alright." Seonghwa laughed while you rubbed the back of your neck in slight embarrassment.

"Ah, I'm just wondering how to work now. I don't want to dirty these clothes." You sighed.

"If there's no rush, you can just do it next time, (y/n). Or if you want to work, I'm sure Hongjoong won't mind." Seonghwa said.

"Oh... These are Hongjoong's..." You said slowly in realisation. Seonghwa nodded with a hum. He opened his mouth to say something until his phone rang in his pocket.

"Excuse me." He held a finger up and stepped aside to answer the phone.

"Miss, have some tea." The butler came over with a friendly smile, placing a cup of tea on the coffee table.

"Thanks..." You sat on the couch, alone in the living room. Now knowing who the clothes belonged to, you noticed how much they smell like Hongjoong.

"(y/n). Are you alright?" Speak of the devil, Hongjoong stood there. He cleared his throat as you put the tea cup down and stood up. For some reason, you felt so small under his gaze even though you had nothing to feel guilty about.

"Thanks for lending me your clothes, I'll wash them and return them as soon as my clothes are dry." You bowed to thank him.

"It's fine, (y/n). There's no rush for the clothes. Don't worry about it." He shook his head.

"If that's all, maybe I shouldn't take up more of your time." You forced a smile. It was starting to get awkward and you wanted to get away from this.

"No, wait. You're not... Can we talk? ...Please." Hongjoong asked.

~

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[99simproblems]

Cont.

When Seon-hwa introduces a 'lover' to her twin brother, it means she's grown attached to that person. He's always been better at vetting people, so she often asks him for relationship advice.

Random Tidbit: When Kyung-hwa Was Introduced To Kiet For The First Time(Gif Warning)