#fshenko fic

[wolfwhisperertf]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Shepard Characters: Kaidan Alenko, Laurella Shepard, Female Shepard (Mass Effect) Additional Tags: Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Colonist (Mass Effect), Fluff, Custom Shepard (Mass Effect), Pillow Talk, Flirting, Body Worship, Fluff and Smut, Fluff and Angst, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Spacer (Mass Effect), Established Relationship Summary:

Laurella Shepard has many scars, some from battle others from hardship. She has some she wishes to hide and other's that she's proud of. At the end of the day however, Kaidan Alenko likes to remind her that they are all part of her and deserve equal respect.

[dandenbo]

le temps des cerises

Written for the @bigplaceexchange for @pigeontheoneandonly <3

...J'aimerai toujours le temps des cerises C'est de ce temps-là que je garde au cœur Une plaie ouverte !

(I will always love the time of cherries From that time I keep in my heart an open wound)

"Le Temps des cerises", Jean-Baptiste Clément, 1866

Rating: Mature

Relationship: Control Ending Shepard Entity (formerly Female Shepard)/Kaidan Alenko

Words: 4,408

Tags: post-canon, death, depersonalisation, resurrection, drowning, angst, bittersweet ending

Summary:

Shepard barely remembers herself, but someone does.

Read on ao3

Excerpt:

There are some things you start to forget when you remember everything. Some things that are still there, buried in the crypts of information, intact and cold. Memory is a bond, she would later understand, one strained by untimeliness. In her first season of eternity, she learned that knowledge was the beginning of forgetting. She did not entirely forget herself, like she feared she might. For instance, she remembered her last human thought, spoken only in the chamber of her mind while it still belonged to her. Let me go. It was a plea, but to whom? There were no established pathways for emotions in her mental construct now. Her history of feeling remained only as superfluous electrical signals, much like garbage data. There had been so many feelings in those final moments and they surrounded the record like static. She had stepped onto the platform to signal her acceptance, the debris of battle floating above her head so dense she thought they might all be already dead. There had been a feeling there, she deduced it must have been fear, because she had steadied herself with breaths too long and too deep as the platform descended into a dark chamber lined with vats of liquid, and in that moment she nearly forgot her commitment when she realised that most contained Keepers. She had stepped into one and sank beneath the surface, holding her breath out of instinct until the bath became charged with electricity. She gasped out of shock and it filled her lungs, the charge stretched through her nervous system, spinning thread from her dying fibres. Light filled her vision and never receded. She had thought about someone in that last moment, as she said those last words, but the memory was so shrouded in feeling she could no longer make sense of it. Control_log: operator ping. > … > … > Return.

Read on ao3

[laelior]

Periapsis Chapter 3: Dandelion Fluff

Mass Effect Kaidan Alenko/Beth Shepard Rating: E (eventual smut) Chapter 3/6 Periapsis: The point at which two objects in a binary system orbit nearest to each other. a.k.a., the Shenko shore leave fic that's been plaguing me non-stop lately. Ao3 link

It probably shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Kaidan that Shepard was the type to enjoy risky hobbies. After all, she routinely charged ahead in battle with little more than a shotgun and a biotic barrier between herself and the enemy. She drove with reckless disregard for concepts like gravity or basic safety. It was only natural that she would gravitate toward the kinds of activities even the most fervent adrenaline junkies flinch.

But here he was, heart in his throat as he watched her scale a sheer granite wall with absolutely nothing between her and the rocky, unforgiving ground below. It was a mystery to him how she had even found her way up as high as she had. There seemed to be zero visible handholds or footholds, but she’d ascended the cliff with unnerving ease.

“You sure you don't want to join me, Alenko?” she called down from her perch ten meters off the ground, pausing in her ascent to look down at him. “The view up here is pretty spectacular.”

Read More

[lavampira]

stay the course

summary: death isn't easily forgotten—sometimes, certain missions can bring reminders better left buried. malena shepard deals with the fallout of the geth dreadnought mission with kaidan to support her. pairing: malena shepard/kaidan alenko word count: 2k | rated: T | read on ao3 notes: set during mass effect 3. cw: ptsd.

Malena doesn’t scream when her hand misses the ledge. Her heart races like it’s in a damn marathon as she floats in zero grav, which in its defense, she has been trying to outrun the explosions behind her, and a hoarse gasp rips past her lips in sheer frustration that’s mirrored by someone swearing over the comm, but she does not scream. Not even with the imploding geth ship under her.

“Shepard!”

Tali, her brain supplies. She ignores her for the time being. She’s on autopilot now, maybe flipped that switch from the moment she had to walk her way through space not even five minutes into this mission, reliving an experience that she definitely would’ve preferred not to again. But she can think about that later.

Her mind does run through a mental list, though. Garrus. Tali. Legion, whom she hadn’t expected to see, but she can’t say that she’s unhappy about it even with that chunk of her old, charred N7 chest plate still fused over his circuits. The first two are safe. The latter snatches her hand out of the air, tugging her back to the walkway to lead her through a new escape plan.

Someone else—Joker, maybe—calls over the comm as they flee in a geth fighter, Legion at its helm. She thinks she answers this time, but she can’t be sure. Briefly, she thinks of Kaidan, still on the Normandy in a search for his students when they’d left, but she pushes aside those thoughts, too. Her teeth chatter and muscles shake with the excess of adrenaline the entire way.

As shitty as the mission has gone, she’s almost surprised that they make it back in one piece.

The relief when they finally pass through the airlock and her boots are firmly back on the Normandy floods her. It’s almost funny in a warped sort of way, considering she’d died on the last one. But Garrus lightly knocks her shoulder’s armor plate with a gentle fist on his way past her, that simple reflex of their old routine after all these years briefly settling her frayed nerves, further grounding her to the sanctuary of her ship.

Not that it lasts.

Malena stews through the Quarians’ debrief. She wants to kick the admiralty off the ship, wants to yell over the conference line that it was stupid to start a war with the galaxy at stake and even stupider to fire on a dreadnought with the woman bending over backwards to help them still on it, but she does none of those things. She bites her tongue hard enough for the metallic tang of blood to fill her mouth and plays at civility with her trembling hands folded behind her back until it’s done.

The fact is that more than her frustration that so few people are willing to consider the risks of division while the Reapers decimate whole worlds, and being the one in the unfortunate position of trying to hold them all together with scraps of hope to even stand a chance, she hates that this is the mission threatening to undo her.

All because of her own fear.

She can fight through fear—her entire career has been shaped around her capacity to do it and accomplish the impossible in spite of it. But in the aftermath when the adrenaline ebbs and the quiet sets in again, that’s the real pain in the ass. By the time that she manages to scrub the sweat from her body and soot residue from her armor, change into a plain tee that she’d confiscated from Kaidan some time ago and hangs slightly loose over her frame, and lower herself to her cabin’s lounge with her face in her hands, it’s begun to eat away at her composure.

Malena was born in space. Her childhood had been spent moving from ship to ship with parents in the Alliance, never spending much time on any singular planet besides infrequent visits. Her adult life had been dedicated to serving the Alliance herself, training at Arcturus and Grissom, going through the N7 program, and then bunking on other ships until she had one of her own to command. She’s trained so thoroughly for spacewalks that she could damn well do one in her sleep. It should’ve been like any other day for her.

The problem lies in the fact that she had died in space, too. Blown right out of her very first ship trying to save her pilot, suffocated in her own malfunctioning suit, and burned in Alchera’s atmosphere, only to wake on a Cerberus lab table two years later with recreated parts that still discomfort her thoughts and residual terror from the experience seared into her psyche, apparently.

Kaidan eventually finds her in her cabin—or theirs, she supposes, now that he’s tentatively moved in his belongings for some semblance of normalcy as a couple despite everything else going to hell around them—with a soft hiss of the door granting him access. She can tell by his quiet pause at the entry that he’s skimming the room for her.

“Hey, there you are,” he calls softly. She doesn’t know exactly what her face shows when she finally glances up, but it must be a doozy because his thick brows furrow, and he adds, “You okay?”

I’m fine, Malena wants to say. How many times does she say it in a day? Fine, fine, fine. Chin up, back straight. It’s a necessity on a ship—if others see their commanding officer lose her shit, morale goes right out the airlock. And so Commander Shepard has the situation under control, and if she doesn’t, then she’ll get it there.

She opens her mouth to speak, but her voice breaks before she can form a word.

Kaidan is there in an instant. He kneels in front of her, searching her face with those soft brown eyes until she ducks her head. If she looks at him too long, she will cry, and that will only worry him more. She can only imagine what his train of thought was already doing while she was aboard that damn ship.

Guilt pools low in her gut and propels her forward, sinking into the warmth of his arms that open instinctively to hold her. His stubbled cheek prickles against her skin as he leans his face against her, but she doesn’t mind, tethered by the familiarity of that simple gesture. She rests her own head on his shoulder, allowing herself this singular point of comfort.

“So, rough day, huh?”

Malena huffs a laugh into his neck. “Understatement of the century.”

“Yeah. If you want to talk about it… I mean, I don’t know. You’ve listened to me through the hard things. I want to be here for you, too, if you’ll let me.”

“You always are.”

“Not always,” he returns ruefully. “But I’d like us to be better.”

The heaviness in his voice forces her to draw back to see him better in the dim lighting of the room. Her palm finds his cheek, letting her thumb sweep away the regret pulling at his features. In so many ways, Horizon and Mars still haunt the space between them as much as her death, every step to get past it seemingly a monumental one at times. But they’re trying, and that’s enough for her.

She could deflect it with a joke. It would be so easy to do it, shooting him a little smirk around a teasing comment, maybe bring a soft laugh out of him for even a moment. It doesn’t feel right with all his earnesty on display, though. Not when her resolve is still so close to shattering in his arms and her latest brush with death, far too similar to the real one, lingers over their heads.

“Hey, you’ve got me,” Malena finally says, trailing her hand to brush back a dark curl fallen over his forehead. “This is when it matters. And you’re here.”

The corner of his mouth twitches as if fighting the urge to smile. “I thought I was supposed to be reassuring you.”

“Well, maybe we both need a little of it right now.”

“Yeah. Maybe you’re right.”

Kaidan reaches for the hand still cradling his face, twisting it to press his lips to the sensitive skin of her wrist, right above her pulse. A reminder that she’s alive, though she can’t be certain if it’s more for his sake or for hers. All she knows is that it’s become a habit ever since they decided to stop holding back how they feel for each other and a comfort all the same.

Before she can react to it, he rises from the floor and slides easily into the space beside her, tugging her close with an arm wound around her back. Part of her wants to protest that she still has reports to make before she can allow herself a reprieve. But she also knows he will just fight her on it, equally stubborn and insistent in his care, and so she caves into it. She rests her head against his shoulder and settles her strong thighs over his lap, his free arm holding them in place.

“These are the moments that scare the hell out of me,” he says quietly.

“What, cuddling?”

“No.” An uneasy laugh escapes him. “Thinking of how I could’ve lost you again, and how I wasn’t even there.”

Malena swallows around a lump in her throat, but she steadies herself, tightening her grip on him for purchase. Last time he had voiced something like it, she’d quipped that she had a problem staying dead anyway. Guilt still gnaws at her chest for how horribly quiet he had gone, how tense and rigid his body had grown with her remark. No matter how much she wants to brush off the thought, even to alleviate the dour mood, she doesn’t want to go there again.

Instead, she confesses, “It scared the shit out of me, too.”

It might have been her lowest point yet. The walk between ships had seemed vast and endless, only made longer by how often she’d stopped to double check her omni-tool that her suit was still intact because everything was so silent save for her labored breathing in rattled bursts. Even with Garrus’ snark to keep her company over the comm channel, she couldn’t fully hide the damn shake in her voice with each response. Her heart had been hammering hard enough in her chest to feel lightheaded and unsteady in her boots by the time that she got the other entry open for the others.

“Yeah, I… Well, Garrus might’ve mentioned it. I mean, I’d figured it could trudge up some memories, but he seemed pretty worried, too.”

Her eyes squeeze shut as she buries her face further into him. “That traitor.”

“He’s looking out for you. Can’t fault him for that.” A placating kiss is placed on the top of her head. “You know, you’re strong, Mal. Maybe the strongest person I know. But even you can be shaken up.”

“I can’t— I’m not supposed to show it.”

“You can with me. I’ve got you, remember?”

Kaidan draws her closer to emphasize his point, or maybe out of his own reassurance as well. It doesn’t alleviate all of the residual fear and frustration, Malena finds, but some of the weight does feel marginally lifted from her chest with the fervent honesty in his words. She raises her head to respond, but her throat feels too tight to speak, forcing her to take an alternate approach.

She presses a kiss to his temple, right on the dark hair flecked in more silver than it had been a few years ago. You do.

Another kiss to his stubbled cheek. Thank you.

And a final one to his lips, ignoring the uncomfortable chafe of his fatigue pants against her legs as she shifts in his lap to face him more fully, desperate for the proximity as he matches her breath for breath. I love you.

If he doesn’t understand, Kaidan doesn’t say. He simply takes the gesture in stride as he finally allows himself a small smile against her lips. And Malena has to admit, letting herself drop the veneer of unshakable strength is as exhilarating as it is terrifying with the man who loves her doing his damnedest to get her through it, despite everything they face.

It’s a trust fall, but it’s one she realizes she’ll make every time.

[ficbrish]

Breaking Regs Comm

This post is so long overdue! I got back this amazing comm by @guchaigue the other week (or last month?). I love it so much!!! ❤️‍🔥

It’s a scene from my fic, Breaking Regs, where Estrella Shepard and Kaidan get “distracted” on their way over to see Anderson after the Citadel battle in ME1.

I don’t know what I love about it more 😭 The little smile on Shep’s face as she kisses Kaidan’s cheek, the Citadel souvenir t-shirts, that Geth Colossus they’re on top of, the way the light frames them amid the destruction--All of it is my favorite. Every detail!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 I really, really adore it.

You can find the fic here or on AO3! 💖🥰💖 [Tumblr] [AO3]

@guchaigue​ is so lovely to work with, and her art is PHENOMENAL! Please consider her for future commissions 🥰

[theatrevelyan]

Looking for a fic!

So, a few months back I was reading a really good multichapter fic retelling the trilogy story. It was with a colonist, sole survivor, mainly paragon f!shepard with biotics (can’t remember the right class) who romanced Kaidan and it was gorgeous but it was 4am and I’m a dumdum and I forgot to save it so I never went back to finish reading it but I was looking forward actually finish it. It was on AO3 and I only read up until the first half of me1 so I don’t even remember if it was finished or not but I checked the shenko tag on the site and I couldn’t find it and I don’t remember the title so I can’t look it up by that.

Does anyone know what I’m talking about or was it a fever dream?

Can anyone help me find it?

[vorchagirl]

Just to be clear, if you've written a fic which you think I might like, please please please let me know and send me a link.

I won't think you're being desperate or needy or silly (or any of those things that our insecure author brains tell us!). I will think you're awesome and be really grateful for having a story to read.

And no, I don't care if this is an old fic or a new fic. If you have something sitting on AO3 that you think I'll like, please let me know and send me a link. Some of my favourite fics I've only found because people recommended them to me.

[ljandersen]

Pairing: FemShep/Kaidan Alenko

Available: AO3

Summary: It’s a hard time of year for Shepard. This year especially. Since losing her family on Mindoir, she’s come to dread Christmas.Kaidan can’t take it away, but damned if he won’t try. This year he has an idea.

Excerpt: 

Kaidan opened the glass slider to the balcony. Winter air hit him in the face. Light snow -- barely snow at all, more like flecks of crystal -- shimmered in the hazy moonlight, suspended over the city lights and the gray ocean in the distance.

“What are you doing out here?” He stepped out in bare feet. The icy cement sent a cold shock up his body, and he reached back inside for a blanket.

“Just . . . sitting.”  Shepard sat on a bench with her back to the wall. A hand resting on her stomach, she gazed out at the hazy, dark skyline.

“It’s freezing out here.” He came over with arms full of chenille.

“If you’re not wearing a shirt, it’s going to be cold anywhere.” She glanced up at him.  

Her loose white T-shirt and baggy sweatpants were hardly a step up in winter wear.  She was having a hard time fitting the clothes she already owned, too stubborn to commit to maternity wear yet.

He dropped down onto the bench beside her and wrapped her in the blanket. “When you see your breath, it’s cold by anyone’s definition.”

“Especially to a guy without a shirt.” She shrugged the blanket up higher over her opposite shoulder and held it out to him with her other arm, like a chenille batwing. “Share some body heat?”

[janewayintersection]

been playing baldur's gate 3 but i can feel i'm still im in one of my mass effect brain rot eras

[tealenko]

Didn't Have the Heart (Chapter 7)

Chapter 7: In the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

Hey there, sorry it took me two months to write anything... Most of you already know, but if you don't, and you want to, you can check the notes of this in AO3.

Hope you like this btw XDDDD

Summary: Traynor and Kaidan play chess and discuss their respective love lifes, not knowing that they both share the center of the latter... But not for too long. And of course, James Vega is in there too, because everyone knows that an awkward conversation is always improved by the presence of someone that isn't afraid to make fun of it.

Words: 7897 Rating: Teens and up Warnings: language, of course

Read in AO3 -> [link] Previous Chapter -> [link] Next Chapter -> [link]

Through Hell and Back series -> [link]

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Samantha hops, just a little every few steps, while she leads a straight path to the crew quarters, keeping her portable chess board folded under her arm.

All the sadness she felt a few seconds ago, when Shepard told her she wouldn’t be able to join her, has now been dissipated by the possibility of meeting her at the Citadel the next time they’re on leave.

A whole evening with Shepard… 

A big smile grows on her face as she thinks about it.

Maybe, if the mood is right, I’ll tell her everything… She says inside her head, fantasizing with many fictional scenarios where she lets her win a game and Shepard is so happy that she falls for her head over heels. Yeah… Maybe I will.

She’s tried to tell her before, without any success, despite all the hints the young comm specialist keeps throwing in her direction at any given chance.

She is extremely busy. Traynor usually tells herself. Way too many responsibilities on her shoulders to be even bothered with something as mundane as a love life.

Samantha's pace starts to fasten, almost like her feet are instinctively trying to keep up with the speed of her train of thoughts.

Or maybe… Maybe she isn’t interested in me…

She enters the room with all this looping endlessly on her mind, counting and reliving every single occasion where she’s been more than direct about her feelings.

No, no… I even hit on her while I was in her shower, for crying out loud. She continues while taking a seat at one of the free tables. She would’ve said something if she knew… So she surely doesn’t.

Traynor stays like that for a while, with all her inner monologue taking all of her energies, completely forgetting why she went there in the first place. So, when Kaidan sits in front of her and asks about her chess set, that she is still storing under her arm, it takes her a little while before she’s able to understand what’s really happening.

“...at it?” She hears him say as she comes back slowly to reality.

“What!?”

Kaidan stares at her for a second and smiles, amused by her reaction.

“Sorry…” She apologizes, touching the back of her neck, a bit ashamed of her own reply. “I was… Distracted.”

“I can tell that much.” 

The general confusion in Samantha’s head deepens even more.

They haven’t talked too much to each other since the major joined, or better said, re-joined the crew of the Normandy. So having him choose to sit along with her it’s a novelty she wasn’t expecting. 

Nevertheless, it feels nice to have someone to talk to right now, despite their difference in rank, and his chuckles seem to be contagious enough to make her smile too, allowing her to relax a little bit.

“I asked: Are you any good at it?” He repeats, pointing at the chess set. 

“I… Yeah… Yes I am.” She says without a hint of hesitation about her statement, happy by the prospect of meeting someone else willing to talk about the game. “Do you play, Major?”

“I used to, before I went to… Yes.” He quickly censors himself. “My mum taught me the rules back when I was a kid… We used to play a game every night after dinner. I kept the habit… When I had the time, of course.”

She looks at him as he talks, not expecting Kaidan to be this grounded nor open after comparing him with all the majors she’s crossed paths through her short life in the Alliance.

“Haven’t played in a few years, though.”

“Oh.” She starts saying, extremely excited. “We need to fix that, then.”

“You sure? I wouldn’t like to impose.”

“Please… You just made my day!” Samantha says euphorically, placing the set on top of the table and starting to set the pieces. “Do you know how difficult it is to find someone to play with aboard an Alliance ship?”

She finishes preparing everything and, when she raises her head to look back at him, she finds him smiling once again.

“Of course, of course you know… You've been doing this for lots of years.” She takes a second to reflect on her last sentence. “I mean, many years… Well… Not many…” 

Traynor’s words crash ungracefully against one another, sinking her quickly into a pit of embarrassment and despair.

“I meant that you are old… I mean er.” She corrects herself again. “Old-er… Older than me, so you obviously know what… What…”

Kaidan, who has been observing the train wreck live while it happened, can’t avoid laughing at the whole situation, unable to keep it together any longer.

“At ease, Traynor…” He says between chuckles. “You don't need to go on… I know what you were trying to say.”

“Okay…” She says, completely defeated by her own inability to engage in a normal conversation. “Sorry about…”

“Ah, it’s okay.” Kaidan interrupts her while casting a reassuring smile. “Besides, you’re right. I must be… What? More than ten years older than you?”

“Well…”

“And we can’t deny that I’ve been doing this for a long time.” He gives a soft pat on her arm. “Come on, I have time for a game… Let’s play some chess.”

That’s all he needs to say.

By the time they choose which piece each one of them is gonna use, she’s already forgotten about how awkward the situation was just a few seconds ago.

She’s still not completely relaxed but, as the minutes pass, she gets more comfortable with their conversation and starts to share more about herself and inquire more about the men that’s seated now in front of her.

The game goes ahead slowly but surely, for almost half an hour, but suddenly stops dry a few seconds after they pass that mark.

Half of the white pieces have been eliminated by Kaidan, and half of the black ones by the younger soldier, who now, with a subtle smile crossing though her face, foresees her victory as she looks at how the major is staring at the board with a thoughtful demeanor.

“Well… You said you were good at it…” He recalls, after readjusting his posture and letting out a big sigh. “You weren’t lying.”

Samantha's smile deepens right away, feeling proud of her skills.

She didn’t know what to expect when they started the game but, now that she’s seen him in action, she’s finding in him a worthy opponent she wasn’t expecting to find in a regular Alliance soldier. So hearing him say that is more moving than she could’ve ever expected at the beginning or their match.

“No, I wasn’t.” She adds while crossing her fingers and resting her head on top of them, waiting patiently as she watches him struggling to find a good getaway.

Or at least that’s what she thinks, until he exceeds all expectations with his next movement.

After what seems the longest minute in his life, Kaidan, which has seen himself forced to find a new tactic in order to survive in the game, finally finds a new way to approach his strategy and, with a smile now where not so long ago there was only focus, takes the black bishop and makes his move. 

“Oh my…” Samantha says, with her smile completely vanished as she reevaluates the new state of the board. “That was brilliant.”

“Thanks.”

He sits back a little and relaxes, and it’s now his turn to feel proud after getting a compliment of this significance from such a skilled player. 

“I see you weren’t kidding either when you said you played quite a lot as a child.”

“Ah yeah… And as a teen too… It is really a great practice for biot… It’s good to have something else to focus on…”

Traynor nods, not knowing what else to do.

If she isn’t usually good at normal chatter, even when she talks to her friends, she is definitely not prepared to engage in such a serious topic with a superior officer that is more than ten years older and whose number of ranks above her is almost equal to said age gap.

So she decides to focus on the game, which she definitely needs to do if she doesn't want to lose now that odds are no longer in her favor.

They keep playing for ten more minutes, both of them choosing their movements with way more care than before after that significant switch in their play dynamics.

With each decision they make the situation of the pieces gets more convoluted, to the point where both players are no longer sure of which side the scale will tend to balance to.

After five more minutes of well thought out moves, the board becomes unplayable, which doesn’t surprise either of them, after being struggling for many minutes now to defend both their position and their pieces.

What does amaze Kaidan is the sigh of relief made by his opponent, who suddenly extends her hand and offers it to him.

“Stalemate.” She indicates, with a hint of contentment, excited to be able to survive the outcome of their little chess battle.

He nods, smiles, and takes her hand, spending a moment there before sighing and leaning back on his chair, pinning his eyes to the board in the meantime, still not believing he’s managed to recover from a certain doom.

“What the fuck is st… Stal… Well, whatever she just said.” 

James Vega makes his entrance on scene, loud and unannounced, as he always is, while chewing a protein bar and pulling up a chair from another table to sit along with them.

“Stalemate…” Samantha repeats, a bit shocked by the sudden appearance of the leftenant.

“Come on, guys…” James shakes his head a couple of times giving them a disapproving look. “I know the basics… Like move the horsies in Ls and the pointy guys in diagonal… But really? Stalemate?”

He says with a half faked surprised tone of voice.

“And then you go and wonder where you geeks get your reputation to begin with.” He adds while laughing, taking a second to calm down before repeating the term one more time in disbelief. “Stalemate… The things you hear.”

Astonished feels short to describe the impact of his comment on Traynor. Kaidan, on the other hand, already too used to the way James operates, breaks into laughter right away, giving him a couple of pats on the back to welcome him to the table.

“You’re still in time to get up and search for a better party, James…” He says before shrugging his shoulders. “No one is forcing you to sit here.”

“Ha!” Vega replies right away, hitting the top of the table a couple times as the other two witness how some of the pieces fall to the ground because of it. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily, Jefe…” After a few seconds he catches up on the consequence of his sudden movement. “Uy… Sorry.”

“Heavens, Vega… You’re like a loose bull in a china shop.” Kaidan replies, half amused by his own comment, while leaning a bit to recover the lost pieces. “We still love you, though.”

“Oh gee… Thanks boss.” He replies with a big smile on his face, faking to be enraptured by his sentence. “Should we ermm… Find a free cot or something?”

Samantha's jaw drops just a little for a moment, not truly believing the level of informality that James is displaying, but all the wall down to the groung once she hears Kaidan’s reply to it.

“Ahhhhrggg… Shut the fuck up, Jimmy.”

The sudden and straightforward reply takes Vega by surprise, who instantly explodes in a burst of laughter that only needs to resound through the entire room for a few seconds before Kaidan joins in.

Traynor, despite her general shock after seeing the whole exchange flashing in front of her, starts laughing too, once the fear of overstepping a line she shouldn’t cross starts to fade away with the chuckles of the two friends, that sit now in front of her, trying their best to breath and laugh at the same time.

“It’s a tie, by the way…” Kaidan says once he’s able, having to clean a rogue tear in the process.

“What?”

“Stalemate…” He clarifies. “It’s a type of draw…”

“Of course, of course…” Vega replies, faking to have known the answer since the beginning. “Everyone knows that.”

He smiles at them before he continues talking.

“So… None of you loses? That sounds easy.”

“Quite the contrary…” Samantha finally says, after mustering some courage to intervene, but not enough to be able to finish her statement. Gratefully for her, Kaidan takes a step forward to do it on her behalf.

“A draw means that we’ve played at a similar level… Which after seeing her in action,” he adds while pointing at Traynor “believe me, cannot be described as anything that comes remotely close to easy.”

She blushes a little and smiles, doing her best to receive the compliment, while both of them look at her reaction.

“Oh, you must be great then, Sam. Our boss here wouldn’t say so if it wasn’t true.”

“Thanks…”

“It is true.” Kaidan replies right away. “Had to try my best, and even then…”

“So she’s better?” Vega tries to tease him once again but, unfortunately for him, his friend instantly agrees with his statement.

“Yeah, I’d say so…”

“Well, I won’t.” She says now, getting more comfortable with them as the conversation moves forward. “It was a draw.”

“Only because I took you by surprise mid game. I don’t think that strategy would work again.” He argues back, pretty convinced that he isn’t the better player. “The only reason I didn’t lose is because you didn’t know what to expect… Now you do.”

“Do I? I think you have more aces up your sleeve that I haven’t seen yet… Plus, you were playing black.”

“Well, that is true…” He smiles, granting that point to her. “But that doesn’t contradict my initial argument though… You were amazing.”

“Well… Thanks again, Major… ”

“In fact, I take it that you’re the one that won against Shepard… Am I right?”

Samantha’s expression collapses for just one second, shocked by the conclusion that the major has reached on his own after spending so little time with her.

“How on Earth do you know that?”

Kaidan tries to hold his smile at the beginning, fixing his focus in rearranging the pieces of the board back into their places, but after a few seconds of general silence, he can’t avoid letting out a few chuckles. 

“I just knew something of sorts happened.” He finally adds, giving his words a mysterious tone, amused by the accuracy of his deduction.

“But how..? Well… I mean, you’re completely right.” She replies, half amazed, half confused. “In fact, I really crushed her in more than one game.”

“I imagined that much…” He says now with a sweet but somehow cheeky smile on his face, now that he's processed all the gathered data and joined it all together. “Hope you enjoyed it though… Cause I don’t think it won’t happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nevermind…”

“Oh no…” Vega enters the conversation once again after his brief recess, ready to resume his strike against his friend. “You cannot say something like that and then keep it to yourself…” He takes a small pause, dedicating a moment to analyze all he’s said. “Although… I think I may know which way the wind is blowing…”

“I do not.” 

Traynor intervenes, with way more determination than before, getting both more comfortable and more interested with the topic at hand. 

“Please?” She adds in a begging tone that manages to deepen Kaidan’s smile, who spends a few moments considering if he should explain himself.

After a short wait, and analyzing all there is to say, he decides in favor.  

“Well…” Kaidan finally says, directing his sentence to Samantha. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed this yet… But Shepard doesn’t like to lose.”

“Except with Scars, right?” Vega interrupts with a smile, after seeing that he did know indeed which way the wind was blowing. “Our Lola has a soft heart behind all that muscle.”

“What?” Traynor asks, completely out of the loop.

“She let Garrus win a shooting competition they had back on the citadel…” Kaidan translates for her. 

Samantha smiles for a second, finding it heartwarming that, besides her supposed love for winning, she let her friend win in a direct competition. 

“I see…” 

Nevertheless, once the whole story has sat in her mind for a few moments, she freezes in place, quickly coming to the obvious conclusion. 

“Wait a second, are you telling me she could’ve lost on purpose when she played with me? Just out of sympathy?”

“She could’ve…” Kaidan smiles one more time. “But believe me, she didn’t.”

“How’d you know?”

“Well…” He laughs again. “Same reason I knew you beat her.”

Samantha looks at him with pleading eyes, still extremely confused, silently begging him to tell the whole story, which has the intended outcome, making him smile even more before finally telling the rest of the tale.

“Found her training a week ago… She spent hours going around the same game. Asked if I could teach her too… Now I can see why.”  He starts laughing, very amused by the whole story, by the fact that Shepard wanted to win so much that she asked for his help, and by the change in Traynor’s expression after hearing his statement. “And sooner or later she’s gonna find a way to defeat you… That’s for sure.”

She analyzes this data with care, replaying old conversations and moments of the past inside of her head.

“I mean… It’s a given that she has to be competitive to do what she does, and be where she is… But I just don’t see it.” She declares, after considering all the facts she knows. “There’s simply no way… No one gets that invested after losing only a few games of chess.”

James smiles, and Kaidan laughs, and even if that wasn’t enough for her to understand how mistaken she is, she gets a clear confirmation right after that.

“We are talking about Shepard.” 

Kaidan states, like is as clear for anyone else as it is for him. 

“Shepard… Who is, up to this day, the record to beat on the Alliance training academy and the the youngest soldier to survive the N7 program. Commander Shepard, first human specter… Who still mocks me because it took me three years more than her to become the second one… That Shepard.”

Vega starts laughing but doesn’t add anything, too invested in Kaidan’s improvised speech.

“The one that committed mutiny just to beat Saren, the one that joined Ceberus just to beat the collectors… And the one who’s literally pacifying the entire universe in order to beat the reapers.”

Samantha doesn’t say anything either, too entranced by all he’s saying.

“And sure, she did all of that for a bigger cause than her…” Kaidan adds, lowering the tone of his voice a little. “Always ready to sacrifice everything about herself if that means she can save someone else, of course. But winning, though… Winning will always be a part of the whole equation for her.”

Everything said makes a lot of sense now that she has a clearer narrative of her personality, and Traynor starts to wonder why she hasn't seen this about her on her own. 

“So… She needs to win against anyone?” She asks, accepting all this new information.

“No, worse… And way more difficult.” He replies right away. “She needs to win against herself.”

What seems fairly obvious to Kaidan, it isn’t for his two friends. For him it is as easy to see as it is to notice that she’s blonde or that her eyes sparkle like emeralds when the ambient light of a room reflects on them.

So he talks about it with a calm tone, explaining her will to fight as if he was describing her clothes or her armor. He just tells it as he sees it.

“It’s the main reason she’s leading this shitshow…” Kaidan says to begin his final argument, still not aware that he’s the only one who is able to see it. “We have no possibility of winning and she doesn’t really know the rules of the game… But she’s just gonna play it until she wins. Because that’s how she’s wired.”

There’s no one left in the crew quarters aside from them at this point so, now that neither of them is talking, there’s a heavy silence that spreads through the whole room for what seems like an eternity.

Or at least there is, until James decides to break it. 

“You seem to know the commander pretty well, Jefe…”

Kaidan sighs and covers it up with great skill, not showing any sign of worry or anger on his face or in the tone of his voice.

“Well… Yeah…” He just admits. “Been friends with her for almost five years now… It’s a lot of time to get to know someone.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…” Vega adds, marveled by the stoic reaction his friend had to his teasing.

Kaidan switches up his omni-tool for a few seconds to look at the time.

“Great… Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

He stands up, ready to say goodbye and carry on with his day, but Traynor interrupts him before he has the chance to do so.

“You have to leave?” She asks in a pleading tone. “Don’t you wanna play another one?”

He smiles in an apologetic way, moving one of his hands to touch the back of his neck. 

“No, sorry… I should’ve left already. I have like an hour left before I go back on duty… And I should discuss a few things with the commander before going back to work.”

Luckily for him Traynor is too focused in finding something to convince him to stay, being the only person she’s found aboard the ship that has any idea of how to play, that she doesn’t see Vega’s expression, grinning from ear to ear, understanding the deeper meaning of Kaidan’s words. Nor the reaction of this one, sending the leftenant a frozen gaze.

“The commander seemed busy…” She finally says, after searching for almost a minute for an excuse to make him stay, feeling now more grateful that Shepard couldn’t join them after all. “We crossed paths on her way to the bridge… Apparently she had something she wanted to discuss with Joker, Major.” 

Kaidan sighs, drops his shoulders and, after a few moments of hesitation, decides to sit again on his chair, taking Samantha’s offer.

James laughs, understanding the hidden truth behind Kaidan’s reaction, which quickly wins him a strong kick under the table, that stops him from taking the whole thing even further.

Traynor smiles, happy to be able to play another game, rotating the board so that she is the one playing with black pieces this time around.

“Well, I guess I’m free for a couple games then… And you don’t have to call me by my rank Traynor, especially when we’re off duty.” He tells her, while making sure every piece is facing the correct way.

“Oh… I see.” She’s taken aback by his comment, hesitating a bit before being able to give a reply.  “I’ll try my best, but it may be a bit weird for me at the beginning.”

“If you want any help with…” Vega starts saying, but it’s quickly interrupted, once again, by Kaidan.

“No thanks… You’re far too gone on the other end, Jimmy.”

They all break into laughter one by one. First James, then Kaidan, and finally Samantha, who is now feeling like she’s just one more of the crew.

“Wanna see how it’s done, Sam?” Vega tells her, already prepared to resume his strike against his friend. “Anything new in your life, Jefe? Something worth telling?”

“You shouldn’t tease the major, James…” Traynor says, worried Vega is crossing a line he shouldn’t, completely unaware that he has already crossed it a thousand times, to the point where making fun of Kaidan’s love life is one of the few sources of amusement left for him. 

“Ah… He’s used to worse than that, right Jefe?”

He laughs as his poor friend shakes his head, wondering for a second how his life has come to this.

“What about you, Traynor?” Kaidan asks, trying his best to change the topic of the conversation. “You seemed to be in another world when I sat here… Anything eating you up?”

“I’m okay.”

“Hey Sam... You can feel free to share any of your worries with us if you need to.”

“Sure… Like the whole ship isn’t gonna find out about my personal stuff in record time if I tell it to you.”

“Oh, I thought I was trustworthy…” Kaidan replies in a mocking tone, faking to be offended.

“No, sir… Not you!” Samantha panics for a second and tries her best to explain herself, not understanding that he is joking. “Vega is the one I’m worried about.”

The two men break into laughter as she stares at them deeply confused.

“Don’t mind him, Traynor… He's messing up with you.” James pats Kaidan on the shoulder and turns a little to talk to him. “Oh my, Lola really is a bad influence on you, isn’t she? You need to make more friends, Jefe.”

“You guys complain when I’m serious… Complain when I joke… There’s no way to keep you happy.” Alenko smiles as he says this, looking at how Traynor starts to calm down after understanding everything.

“I see…” She starts saying. “Well then…”

“Now seriously, you can tell us anything you wish to, right leftenant?”

“Ohhh, yeah… Trust me, I am amazing at keeping secrets, right major?”

Kaidan nearly chokes after hearing this last comment, and Vega nearly chokes after seeing his reaction to it. Nevertheless, and luckily for both of them, whatever is worrying Samantha, is strong enough to keep her attention from this idiotic picture.

She is in fact so deep into her own mind that, by the time the two friends are able to compose themselves, she’s still sinking deep into her worries.

“Ey, Traynor, sure you’re okay?” Kaidan inquiries, starting to realize the true gravity of the situation.

“Yeah…” She forces an awkward smile that doesn’t succeed in convincing anyone that she isn’t preoccupied.

“Yo, Sam.” James tells her, getting a little closer. “I know we joke a lot, and we, or at least I, cannot promise to be completely serious if you decide to tell us anything… But one thing we can assure you, that I’m sure the boss here will agree with me, it’s that, whatever it is you want to get off your chest, we’ll keep it to ourselves.”

“I…” She hesitates, tempted by the offer. “Well… It’s not the kind of thing one discusses out loud… And even less with superior officers.”

“Come on, Traynor.” Kaidan smiles at her, which she softly replies. “If you follow that rule you won’t be able to talk to most of the ship about anything… And besides, I see you talking to Shepard all the time… So don’t use rank as an excuse.”

“I guess you’re right…”

“Of course I’m right.” He adds, winning a bigger smile from her on this try. “Come on, Vega, back me up.”

“Erm?” He shakes his head a couple of times before rejoining the conversation. “Ah, yeah… Sorry. My rank has never been intimidating enough to scare anyone, so I was enjoying the moment while it lasted.” 

He laughs at his own comment while Kaidan pushes him away a little.

“God you’re an idiot.”

“And you need to stop spending so much time with the commander, her phrases are starting to stick on you.”

This time around all of them laugh for a few seconds, lightening the mood enough for Traynor to feel comfortable with, at least, considering the idea of opening up to them.

“Well… The thing is…”

She struggles to talk and, while Kaidan does his best to be patient and give her all the time she needs until she’s ready, like he’s used to with Shepard, James, on the other hand, decides to intervene with a decisive strike.

“This is about your love life, isn’t it?”

“Arrrrmmm…” 

Traynor states, with all her thoughts collapsing as her brain tries its best to find something to deny that statement but, after a few seconds of general shock, her mind gives up on the whole situation and surrenders to the truth.

“Humm.” She coughs right before she sighs, shaking her head a couple of times before finally answering. “There may be some… Yes.” She admits, assuming her defeat. “You’re, indeed, right. ”

Vega laughs a little but not as much as she expects him to and, also to her surprise, Kaidan just gives her a sympathetic smile and a nod, letting her know that whatever she’s feeling right now is as valid as anything else that’s happening around them.

“Feels wrong, doesn’t it?” He tells her, hitting right on target without even aiming. “To harbor this kind of feeling while the universe is crumbling.”

She nods while staring at him, in awe of his words, to the verge of crying because of them.

Kaidan leans back a little on his seat, taking a moment to breathe.

“You aren’t the first one to fall in love in the middle of a crossfire Samantha… Nor the last… And…” He looks up for a second, to save his words from choking on his throat. “And this… This is the kind of thing that no one will be able to take away from us… Not even the war.”

He smiles at her once again although, this time around, he’s the one with teary eyes.

“Wow, Jefe.” James says, breaking the spell a little, despite the good intention behind his interruption. “I’m starting to see why she…” 

Vega stops just a second before Kaidan stops him, raising his hands a bit as an apology to the mayor.

“I mean…” He coughs a little, trying to win time to think of something else to say. “I’ve never seen this side of you.”

As expected, it’s too late, and he’s said too much to make it impossible for her not to notice.

“Speaking from personal experience, I’m guessing?”

“Is there any chance that you’d believe me if I said no?” Samantha laughs at his comments as she shakes her head as an answer to his question. Kaidan, in the meantime, sighs and turns a little to talk directly to James.“Thanks a lot, Vega.”

His friend looks at him with a remorseful look on his eyes, a view of the lieutenant that Kaidan has never seen before since they’ve known each other.

“Sorry boss, I didn’t mean to…”

“Ah, it’s okay…” He instantly replies, shrugging his shoulders a little. “At least this time there wasn’t ill intentions or alcohol involved in the whole situation.”

“Sorry what…?”

That’s all they hear her ask before the couple of friends break into laughter in perfect unison, with Samantha looking at them like they're crazy, which doesn’t help their situation either.

“Context, please?” She asks with her sweetest voice, trying her best to get a reply to a question she knows will remain unanswered. 

But she is wrong once again.

James puts his thumb and his index finger together while crossing them across his mouth, indicating his lips are sealed, and he even imitates the sound of a zipper while doing the action. But Kaidan, who has already come to terms with the fact that he’s gonna have to endure this kind of experience as long as he is friends with Vega, decides to put it all out in the open and tell a sum up of the whole story as raw as it gets.

“Ah, it’s really nothing. Just that the other day this knucklehead here and his turian bestie decided to get me as drunk as possible in order to interrogate me about my love life.”

Traynor is so shocked by that statement that she half snorts half chokes after hearing it, a direct consequence of her body not knowing if she should gasp or laugh, which finally displays a mix of the two of them accompanied with a sound of surprise.

“Oh no…” She immediately feels bad for the poor Kaidan, and is almost capable of picturing the whole evening inside her head, only ignoring the identity of the person that became the main topic of their teasing in said scenario. 

“Oh yes.” He replies right away.

They all laugh now for the fiftieth time this evening, but each one has their own personal reason to do so.

Samantha is just in awe at the whole story, not fully understanding how the major keeps putting up with his friends’ shenanigans. 

James is feeling extremely proud of his teasing skills and extremely grateful of how gracefully his victim is enduring them so far.

Kaidan, who has already come to terms with everything, is now able to see the fun and laugh about all the good that come along with the bad of having a man-child as one of his closest friends.

“Do we know the lucky lady?” She asks, feeling confident enough to let her curiosity get the best of her, after succeeding on getting an answer the first time around. “Or the lucky gentleman?”

Before anything else is said, Kaidan, as fast as a lightning, moves his hand on top of Vega’s chest, knowing him too well by now, while keeping his eyes on Traynor, who can’t avoid but smiling after seeing this happening in front of her eyes.

“I think we… “He says, with his arm still locking James to his seat. “Already know more than enough.” He turns, with his hand frozen in place, and looks directly at him. “Don’t we, Vega?”

“Yep.” He replies along with a smile. “Yes, we do.”

They both laugh, and Kaidan relaxes and returns to his previous posture now that he’s managed to keep his private life somewhat still private, at least for the time being.

“Sorry, Traynor.” He says right after, acknowledging the truth behind his words. “But I’d like to keep this bit for myself, at least for now.”

“Of course, of course.” She replies, almost feeling bad after hearing him say that out loud. “It’s your personal life… I was just curious…” She struggles a little and laughs, trying her best to come up with the proper words to express herself.

After a second of hesitation, and a deep breathing, she tries again.

“I won’t deny that I’m kinda dying to know who you’re talking about…” She says, taking a moment before she continues. “But what I was really going to ask you, no pressure to answer me if you don’t want to, is if what you are feeling, for this person, is indeed corresponded.” 

The two men listen to her with care, taking in all she’s saying, while she continues with her explanation.

“What you said earlier… About being caught in a crossfire… Really helped me more than I could’ve ever imagined. It’s almost like you saw a weight on my back, that I didn't even know I was carrying and took it away without me even asking for help.” 

Another pause, another deep breath. 

“And after all that… After spending what’s left of your little free time here, just to try and see if I’m okay… Well… I guess I just wanted to do the same for you.”

“Oh gee… Thanks Traynor, I don’t know what to say…”

“Well, you are welcome…”A flicker of hesitation. “...Alenko.”

“Weeeeeehhh!” Kaidan and James celebrate at the same time, glad to see her getting more comfortable and familiar with them, and that she’s finally managed to call him something different than his rank or sir.

Samantha gives them a full smile, thanking her past self for her decision of coming to the crew quarters to rest, extremely happy to have, not only found an equal match to play against, but also two new friends to share her worries with.

“And thanks to you too, guys… Really. I needed to spend an evening like this one more than I thought.”

“Happy to help, Sam.”

“Same here, Traynor...” Kaidan adds, taking a moment to analyze everything said. “And… In regards to my love life, if you really wanna know, there’s nothing to worry about… In fact, seems to be the only thing going well in the universe right now.”

“I’m happy to hear that…”

She says, thinking they’ll wrap up the conversation here and will go back to play chess.

Nevertheless, after everything said and asked, every question and answer and comment in between, Samantha’s mood starts to make a lot more sense to Kaidan, who, after taking a necessary couple of seconds to wrap together his whole theory, decides to prove his thesis.

“Wait a minute…” He starts the process slowly, with few loose ends still untied in his head. “You said before you were having love issues, didn’t you?”

Strike one. 

Traynor is about to deflect the whole thing, but Kaidan gets ahead before she’s able to do so.

“Do yours have anything to do with what you asked me?” He thinks out loud, discovering the truth while he exposes it. “Is this an unrequited love thing?”

Strike two. 

Her eyelids open as wide as they can and she freezes in place, not knowing what else to do.

“That’s why you were sitting here all sad on your own?”

Strike three, eliminated.

Samantha gives up and lets her body fall forward, elbows on top of the table. Using her hands to support all her weight as her head rests on them.

“I don’t know if it’s unrequired…” She says in a regretful tone of voice, unable to keep the truth to herself any longer. “No matter how many times I tried, I’ve never asked directly… I mean how could I?” 

She raises her head a little to look at them.

“And despite how many times I think I’ve left my intentions clear… Nothing, she doesn’t get it.”

James and Kaidan remain silent, not wanting to interrupt her now that she’s finally opening up to them.

“I’ve tried with double meanings, and praises, and flirting… Holy shit, I even managed to get into her shower with a perfect valid excuse, and I still don’t have any idea of what the fuck is Shepard thin…”

Her speech stops dry the second her name tumbles its way out of her mouth, while the realization that she’s made a huge mistake crushes against her, cursing now her past self for all the prior decisions in her life.

“Shit… Shitshitshitshit…” She keeps repeating while strengthening the hold on her head, pushing from her hair almost as an involuntary punishment for not being able to keep this piece of the puzzle to herself. “Shit.”

The room is in complete silence for what seems like an eternity, but once again, Vega is the one to break it.

“So…” He says in the most casual tone he’s able to find. “Shepard, then.”

Kaidan looks away, not wanting to see Traynor’s reaction to that comment, feeling bad enough for the role he is going to have to play next.

Earth, eat me whole! He says to himself, never imagining he would find himself in this kind of situation.

“Well…” Samantha says, more calmed now, resting her back on her chair once again. “No way I can deny it now, no? So yeah… Shepard.”

A sigh escapes Kaidan’s body and James has to try his best not to break into laughter right in front of them, biting his bottom lip and counting to ten in his head in order to keep it together.

Despite his efforts, there’s a blatant smile there that he’s not able to contain, and it doesn’t take too long for Samantha to notice it.

“I’m not surprised that you think it’s funny… I must be crazy…”

“No, no… Of course not.” He denies instantly before she’s able to finish her sentence. “It’s just that… Well…”

He turns to look at Kaidan, which quickly proves to be a big mistake.

The sight of his friend, wanting to disappear as quickly as he’s able from this scenario, is way too funny for him to be able to suppress his feelings and, even though he only looks at him for a second, it’s enough for a combined snort and chuckle to come out of his body before he redirects his focus of attention somewhere else.

“It’s just that what?” She asks him with a soft tone of voice, with her residual embarrassment being slowly replaced by curiosity.

“Ermmmmm I don’t know how to tell you this, Sam… Emm… But I don’t think Lola is not into chicks.” 

“I cannot believe we’re talking about this…” Kaidan says to himself while shaking his head, gathering all his will to be able to return to the conversation, redirecting his eyes back to look at his friends.

“Are you sure about that, James?” Traynor asks Vega.

“Are we sure about that, Jefe?” James asks Kaidan.

That does it for him. Kaidan starts to choke on his own words after hearing James’ question, and spends a long minute trying to recover his breathing and avoid dying from both lack of air and embarrassment.

Vega, in the meantime, is also struggling to survive, but the cause of his problems couldn’t be more far than the one affecting his friend, for if laughter is indeed the key to living a long time, James will surely be immortal by the time this conversation is over. As long as he remembers how to keep breathing. 

Samantha just waits patiently, extremely confused, while her two friends try to recover, and her mind tries with all its power to make sense of what just happened in front of her.

Almost as it was scripted, everything develops right at the same time and, as both of them calm down, she starts to put two and two together inside her head.

One.

Kaidan’s speech about love starts to play now inside her head with a way more different light than before, uncovering hidden meaning she missed the first time around.

Two.

His knowledge about Shepard, the way she talked of her, showing that no one else was able to see through her as clearly as him.

And three.

He only stayed for a second game once he knew he couldn’t be with her, opposing no further hindrance the moment he realized she was busy somewhere else. 

All these moments, and many more, click inside of Traynor’s mind and suddenly the whole evening starts to make more sense than she could’ve ever imagined.

And once Kaidan is able to calm down, and gather all the courage he needs for his next sentence, he instantly confirms her suspicions.

“I am sure…” He says, with the sweetest and softest voice he’s able to summon. “Sorry Traynor.”

“No, no… I’m sorry, I’m…”

She suddenly feels as awful as he does, both of them regretting everything they said during their conversation, and dreading the thought of speaking again and making the situation even worse.

Unfortunately for them, this long and uncomfortable silence gives James a lot of room to enter the conversation.

“Did you really get into Shepard’s show…?” That’s all he’s able to ask before Kaidan slaps him, hand wide open, on the back of his neck.

Despite the loud sound the hit doesn’t hurt Vega the slightest, but it’s more than enough to make him stop talking, ending up with the same expression that a kid makes when they know they’ve done something wrong.

That’s when the other two start laughing. 

James’s reaction to the hit, the sudden silence after it, and the combined tension left in the air, mixes all into one big and unified chuckle that derives into many more.

After a few seconds of reflection, Vega joins the fun, acknowledging the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

And this way, with the three friends laughing it all out, they allow their new found joy to replace the nervousness that conquered the room not too long ago.

“Are we good then, Traynor?” Kaidan asks her once the situation has calmed a little.

“We’re good, Alenko.” She replies right away, dedicating him a new found smile. “May I ask you something, though?”

“Sure ‘bout that?” Vega says, still laughing. “Wanna go back there?”

“I’ll try to keep the uncomfortable levels as low as possible, I promise.” She says in between giggles.

“Sure…” He replies with a smile too. “Shoot.”

“Errmm… Do you think Shepard knows…”

“No, she doesn’t.” Kaidan reassures Traynor without hesitation. “I’m sure she has no idea… Believe me, she is really that oblivious when it comes to this… I’ve seen it before.”

“Good to know…”

“Plus, she would’ve never let you inside of her shower if she knew.” 

“Oh God…” Is the only answer she gives to his comment, but the way she says it, laughing a bit at herself, quickly gets a positive reaction from her two friends, who quickly join her on her glee.

With this, both the conversation and the meeting come to their rightful ending, or so it seems until it doesn’t because, just as the laughs start to fade away, someone new it’s introduced into the small group.

“You guys seem to be having a very fun time…” 

With the doors of the room now wide open, Garrus enters the crew quarters with a fastened pace, stopping right in front of their table.

“Sorry to interrupt the party, but I need to borrow you, Alenko… I mean if you're free. There’s something I’d like your advice on.”

“I have twenty minutes aprox before going back on duty… Is that enough?”

“I certainly hope so.” 

Garrus giggles a bit, trying to downplay the situation, but the seriousness of his request doesn’t escape Kaidan, who quickly understands the importance of acting like he didn’t know about it.

“Well, there’s no time to waste then…” He stands slowly while looking at his friends. “And I think it’s a good move to retire now that we’re all good here.”

His two friends smile and Kaidan turns a little to face Samantha directly before resuming his goodbye.

“Because we are good, right?”

“Right.” She replies, deepening her smile.

“Cool… Just wanted to be sure.” He clarifies, taking a second to go back and replay the whole evening inside his head. “Ey, with all that’s happened and everything, we never got to that second game, Traynor.”

“True.” She adds before shrugging her shoulders a little. “Well, don’t worry Alenko. We’ll leave it for next time… Plus, that way you’ll have the opportunity to train more, you definitely need it.”

“Ohhhhhhhh…” James adds as he laughs, mocking him because of her response.

“Ey, she’s right…” Kaidan says, letting out a chuckle before nodding his head as a goodbye to both of them, ready to leave the room along with Garrus. “I could definitely use the practice.”

------------------------------------------

Yaaaaassss, next we have an Alenkarian fic!! Well not really... There's only bromance here... But you know what I mean. Also Javik will be back... Oh yeah, and Shepard. Believe it or not I do remember that this is a shenko fic... And yeah, there will be smut too eventually *shhhhhssss* don't tell anyone (although you'll have to wait till chapter nine for that) ehehehehee

I promise that, at least, that they’ll meet in the next chapter (you have my word).

By the way... Was this nice? Are you enjoying it?? Are you enjoying how much I'm dragging the story before the two main characters meet? Are you up for the slow burn? I mean, this whole fanfiction is supposed to be focussed on the reaction of the different members of the crew to their relationship... But of course, maybe it ‘s not to your liking... I mean, there's even the possibility that no one ever gets to read this. Are you? Are you reading this? Can… Can you even read this? Can I? Can you even tell that I've been recently playing the Stanley Parable way more than any sane human ever should?

No?

Well...

Maybe it's just me then.

[wolfwhisperertf]

WIP Wednesday

He knows Laurella is back on the ship because the VI announced her arrival but since his sister has not found him by the time he’s done Ragnulf decides to look for her. He doesn’t even get both feet out of the med-bay before he spots her, or rather hears her. In his usual spot Kaidan Alenko stands with a hand covering his face in an attempt to quiet his laughter. Across from him Laurella has her head thrown back in laughter, in no way attempting to control herself. His sister’s joy has always been infectious so Ragnulf doesn’t even realize the smile that has crept to his lips. 

Ragnulf leans against the wall and watches them, happy that his best friend and sister have been able to form a friendship. Laurella’s laughter starts to quiet and she leans forward into Alenko’s space. She holds out her arms as if trying to catch her balance but is a clear offering for contact and Kaidan is smart enough to get the hint. He reaches out and holds both her arms below her elbows, the position drawing their faces suspiciously close together. She says something quietly enough that Ragnulf can’t hear but that Kaidan lets out a final snort at. It’s when Kaidan watches Laurella continue to giggle at her own joke only inches away from his face that Ragnulf sees it. 

The Look. The look Kaidan used to get when the two of them first met and he still wasn’t over the girl he met at BAat. Back when they were young enough that getting drunk every week and airing out their dirty laundry to each other didn’t seem that boring. Sure, Ragnulf always had way more dirty laundry then the perfect paragon Kaidan Alenko but Kaidan made up for it with stories from his colorful past. The look Kaidan used to get when he first started dating John. The look that vanished when he told Ragnulf about their breakup and how John was a dirty fucking cheater. The look that Alenko is now wearing while looking at Ragnulf’s baby sister. 

[proserpinewrites]

Rating: Mature

Category: F/M

Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy

Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Original Character(s)

Characters: Kaidan AlenkoFemale Shepard (Mass Effect)

A series of letters written by Commander Zora Shepard after Horizon, smuggled to Major Alenko, full of things unsaid during their brief reunion. In some ways, a long winded goodbye.

[laelior]

Periapsis Chapter 1: Smoke and Whiskey

Mass Effect Kaidan Alenko/Beth Shepard Rating: E (eventual smut) Chapter 1/6 Periapsis: The point at which two objects in a binary system orbit nearest to each other. a.k.a., the Shenko shore leave fic that's been plaguing me non-stop lately. Ao3 Link

It was a bright, sunny fall afternoon in the middle of nowhere on Earth, and Kaidan was leaning against an old wooden fencepost in the midst of a gorgeous forest, mindlessly scrolling the extranet news feeds on his omni-tool to kill the time while he waited.

–NEW! Logic Arrest Firmware Update improves performance metrics up to 10%– –Reported geth sightings in Terminus systems increased since Citadel attack– –Is Commander Shepard Single? Exclusive Scoop on Galactic Hero–

Kaidan huffed a laugh and dismissed the new feeds. The first two were too much like work, and the third, well….

Looking back, everything had happened so fast. The lockdown. The mutiny. The chaotic battle in the Citadel.

And somewhere in all that, there had been that night before Ilos.

Afterward, there hadn’t been any time to talk about what happened. Most of the Normandy’s crew had been shuffled off on extended shore leave with strict orders not to discuss anything that had happened. 

It had been almost two weeks since he’d seen Lieutenant Commander Bethany Shepard in person. It seemed like so long ago that they’d talked of taking some shore leave together to explore what it was between them. But that was before everything had gone down. It was before she’d suddenly become a person of galactic importance who’d been promptly whisked off to meetings and official happenings once the dust had settled after Saren’s defeat.

Read More

[lavampira]

exit wounds

summary: malena shepard unravels her feelings about her history with kaidan, her current mission involving an organization she despises, and her resurrected life. pairing: malena shepard/kaidan alenko word count: 1.2k | rated: T | read on ao3 notes: set during mass effect 2, post-horizon

Malena returns to the Normandy SR-2 in a foul mood. She’s given a wide berth as soon as she steps through the airlock, and even Joker elects to keep his comments to a minimum, unable to completely withhold the crack about her confrontation on the surface but clearly using it to gauge how bad it’d gotten. Only poor Kelly tries to speak to her, but she blows past her with a dismissal wave and an internal promise to apologize once her adrenaline has ebbed. No one else breathes a word. Frankly, she doesn’t blame them.

She beelines for the showers to cleanse herself of this entire shitty day. Her failures cling to her like the dirt, grime, and blood on her body, and she has to again grapple with the discomfort of facing the missing scars from battles and childhood antics as she scrubs viciously at her too smooth, yet still freckled skin until light beige turns pink. Her icy eyes are severe in the mirror’s reflection as she dresses, though she can’t even face herself for long these days.

It’s only when she returns to her cabin and flops unceremoniously into the chair at her desk that she finds what Kelly had been trying to tell her. A new message at her private terminal, specifically from someone who she hadn’t exactly thought she would hear from again. Not after today.

She reads Kaidan’s message twice simply to process the fact that he had more to say to her. Again, a third time, trying to wrap her head around each and every word through the emotions they trudge up, her frustration once again building to a breaking point. An apology for what he’d said planetside. An admission that he’d been stuck in his own feelings, too. So much left open about their past and their future. Yet still a hard line about his views on her allegiance, even if worried for her.

Her fingers fly over the keys before she can stop them, already typing up a response.

Shove your apology up your ass.

Malena immediately deletes it. She doesn’t mean it, not really, even as much as his words still sting. He had hit too close to the shame that has gripped her since she woke in that damn lab. Maybe she has become a dirty sellout in her resurrected life, nothing but a traitor to her own principles and her past, making a deal with the devil in hopes that she can save a galaxy that’s once again in denial of the truth.

The fact that the Illusive Man all but admitted with a smirk on his smug face that he’d fed the Alliance rumors to manipulate their encounter only makes it worse. She hates that he’s seen through her to know exactly who would hurt her the most, displaying some show of power that while she has free reign of the mission, he can still distort her life and put the people she cares about in the crossfire if they threaten his goals involving her. And he remains the only one giving her the resources to deal with the threat.

She steels herself and tries to type again.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m being used. Maybe I’ve gone off course from myself, but I’m on my own here. Nobody will listen to me. No one else is willing to help.

Her fingers backtrack over the keys. It’s not like Kaidan had been willing to hear her out either, too caught up in his own emotions to let her explain. But as frustrated as she is that he turned away from her, and devastated, if she’s willing to admit that much, she gets it, too. Her actions don’t align with the woman he knows and trusted once upon a time. If anyone told her months ago—or two years, she supposes—that she’d be cooperating with Cerberus, she would’ve had a few choice words for them. Maybe even a strong right hook to a jaw.

Hell, Kaidan had been there when she discovered that Cerberus had been behind the Akuze ambush. When she closes her eyes, she can still see his tight grip on the Mako’s door as she had gunned it to evade the thresher maw lured there in yet another of their sick experiments. She can still hear his gentle voice talking her down after she throttled Cerberus’ sensors and took apart their heinous labs, nearly breaking her own damn ankle despite her armor with a few unnecessary kicks for good measure, and feel his careful hands apply the medi-gel before wrapping it for her.

A slow, shaky breath escapes her as she runs her hands over her face. More than the residual terror from getting spaced and burning in atmo, more than the grief over the years that she lost while dead on a table, more than her own guilt and shame for the shitty situation she’s entrenched in now, and more than the ache of everything he’d slung at her on Horizon in the heat of the moment, she just misses him. Sinking into his arms before it all went south had been the first real bit of relief she’s felt in weeks.

I wanted to reach out to you, Kaidan. That night together before Ilos was everything to me, too. And I’d meant it when I said you make me feel like I could take on the impossible. I could use that steadiness right now.

With a frustrated noise in the back of her throat, Malena deletes the entire draft and shuts down the terminal. Her hand swipes at the stupid framed photo beside her, knocking it on its face so she doesn’t have to look at his face, unsure whose bright idea it even was to put the thing in her cabin. But then she lifts it with a tentative hand, flipping it around as she draws it into her lap.

The ache in her chest only deepens as she examines it, running a thumb over the likeness of his thick, furrowed brows, but she can’t squash down the fondness that also blooms through her. Timing hasn’t been on their side. So much caution and tiptoeing around the regs while on such a high-stakes mission had prevented them from officially getting anywhere, always on pause aside from that night, and then she died, leaving him with two years to mourn their almost, and her to be confronted with it now.

Kaidan loved her. Still does, maybe, if the concern and open-ended offer to see when things settle again mean anything. It’s only now that she realizes that she may love him, too. Leave it to her to charge into the thick of a situation head-on, only figuring things out once she gets there. And it’s so damn hard to let it all go, no matter how much she hurts.

Malena sets the framed photo back on her desk and rises to her feet with a languid stretch. They might very well only ever be a series of almost and maybe, but maybe, if they really are the same people who fell in love two years ago at the end of this shitty mess, and if her luck doesn’t run out and she survives this suicide run, they can see where they really stand. Only time will tell.

[ficbrish]

Aaaaaarrrrgghhh! It be a Shenko Pirate AU

The Kaidan/Shenko subreddit provided the prompt, and I just had to do it! 🥰

🏴‍☠️🦜⚔️

Her blade nicked his neck, “Give me one good reason not to kill you.”

His voice slapped her, “Because I’m not here to kill you.” The words weren’t a threat, but they felt like a death sentence, “I’m here to take you to justice.”

“Oh, please!” she rolled her eyes.

A sickening shift of the water’s surface tossed them across the deck away from each other. A dark cloud covered the sky.

Check it out here! [AO3]

[jedlknight]

All I'm Thinking About is You [on ao3] rating: mature archive warning: no archive warnings apply category: f/m fandom: mass effect trilogy relationships: kaidan alenko/female shepard additional tags: showering together, fluff, post-rannoch: admiral koris, pre-priority: rannoch, mass effect 3

word count: 1484

summary:

Shepard steps out of the stream of water, listening for Kaidan’s footsteps. The cabin door clicks shut behind him, and she opens the bathroom door, leaning out just enough to catch his attention. “You wanna join me?” Shepard asks. That, too, is an added benefit of her private shower. “Always,” Kaidan says.

or, a moment of peace before they retake Rannoch.