#fucking kill me. it's crunch time babey!!!!!!

[townofcrosshollow]

If at any point during this upcoming week you're like "Huh I wonder where Jasper is, he hasn't been online much lately" here's why

[ssvgawara]

Haikyuu characters as things said in the hhcu

a/n: this is pure humor and just something fun, the hhcu is wild and says stupid shit more than once a day so i complied a ridiculously long list of quotes and put them together in this list to share with yall so please enjoy, read more because again this is so long also pt 2. some of these r pretty nsfw so uh yeah <3

Oikawa: When he gives up his torso 😍 

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Nishinoya: Fisherman daddy

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Bokuto: I trust no condiments

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Osamu: YELLOW BAD OIKAWA IS NOT ALLOWED IN MY KITCHEN

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Tendou: Give ass in shiratorizawa?

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Atsumu: Garlic air freshener

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Nishinoya talking about his sex life: ITS THE GOOD OL FASHIONED POW POW GRUNT GRUNT WINDOW WASHER ULTIMATE FRISBEE DICK CONNECTOR 

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Hinata: thank you!! also my oven melted??? and caught on fire 😰 

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Yaku probably thinking abt kuroo while saying this: not gonna front im terrified of the live action grinch and if i ever see him its on sight

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Kageyama: Except that one mustard faze I had

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Lev after yaku kicks him yet again: NO INCH ACTIVE INCH VERY ACTIVE

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Suga after Kiyoko holds his hands: premarital eye contact is already a sin

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Iwaizumi realizing Oikawa probably wouldn’t know the difference between hawaiian rolls and milk bread: when he says hit it till it breaks, he means the packaging of hawaiin rolls

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All of Seijoh to Oikawa: You know whats really sexy? Self care.

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Hoshihumi: like a three year old. still baby but also evil at times🤡 

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Oikawa right before his death: "MORNING HAJI!~" slaps tiddie

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 Anyone falling on love with haikyuu boys: hey a good reverse harem never hurt anyone

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Idk who says it but terushima would do this: places his hand to my heart but then hes like heh heh boob squishy

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Tendou: centrepical force saved my bag of chocolate!!

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Lev thinking it was a literary masterpiece: *reads about a fourth of the bee movie*

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Hinata making fun of Kageyama: milk is better than the feeling of the ball touching your fingertips during a perfect set

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Hinata and Kageyama failing tests: thats just the dumbass in me babey!!!

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Atsumu simply trying to annoy Osamu: Are y’all meaning to tell me you DON’T take your raw chicken on walks through the city?

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Yahaba: PUSSY ALWAYS LEAVES

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Mattsun just to annoy everyone: yall ever think about how in the 50s and 60s they just put raw hotdogs or shrimp into jello and ate that shit and enjoyed it???

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Suga: i am now crying and my boyfriend is concerned and i can’t tell him that I’ve lost my husband and children

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Kenma; Smh my head

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Bokuto: Sorry not all of us can have double decker extra stuffed bottoms up extra large super sized t n a like me🥰🥰💅💅

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Everyone to bokuto: titty enthusiast ✨✨

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Me to kuroo: sorry babe youre a scorpio you dont have any rights anymore

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Tendou: i accidentally lit a  baby on fire

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Atsumu: This feels real human centipede

Bokuto: theyre not ass to mouth

Atsumu: Close enough

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Bokuto when a minor inconvience happens: Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every day, I wake up....

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Sakusa: Remove your lips from my penis

Atsumu: I use a gluestick as chapstick i cant

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Goshiki: Arson or boot in my book, set fire to something live a little

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Tsukishima: I don’t like recieving pain. It hurts

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Kenma annoyed w kuroo: Put your dick in the fucking catfish’s pussy then

Kuroo being annoying: How deep is catfish pussy

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Makki to Mattsun: Ayo babe what if we fucked on the catfish tank

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Kiyoko tiredly, to Tanaka: I’m not putting salt and pepper on my pussy lips

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Saeko: I’ve got that Deep dish, super soaker, wet, succulent dripping honey suckle like sweet marinated mooseknuckle, extra thick, slip n slide, water park, waterbender, extra ribbed, the seven seas, gorilla grip, flex tape, primordial soup Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion pussy

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Atsumu not really knowing what cooch means: I got the body builder cooch

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Oikawa after not sleeping to train, extremely sleep deprived: youre got unending

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Goshiki; Commit arson

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Akaashi: I leave for 10 minutes and Bokuto is 240v (mouth edition) fuckmaster pro 4000 with semen drip collection tray, automated self-lubricating 6 speed pulsating pussy and built in Polycrystalline floatable silicon

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Oikawa; I’m coming to murk your ass xoxo

Iwa: I will literally shiv you bitch

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Kindaichi: ✨ bob duncan exterminates you asmr✨

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Makki: I’ll try to find my favorite about Jacob sartorius vampire babies with Hillary Clinton

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Kenma after playing some obscure video game: also i can’t sleep😔 too busy thinking about human sized bats

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ME fuck yall im carpetting my bathroom: you already put rugs in the bathroom might as well carpet that bitch

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Kuroo talking abt something sciency idk: LIKE A BODY WIG

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Seijoh when iwa throws balls at oikawa: spousal abuse right in front of my salad

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Hinata making up some new stupid song: Ants on a log ants on a log

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Atsumu to piss off Osamu once more: world f amous allegra chicken

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Semi: Gay little Ushijima’s left hand

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Bokuto: Are you disagreeing with the fact that I am thicc as phuck

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Kiyoko: Guys is it uh... is it possible to sprain a titty cause.... Uh....

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Terushima: He laughed at the end of his own joke what a fuckin chad

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Bokuto: IS THAT THE DOG FROM ZOOTOOIA

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Kageyama: milk is kinda like organ paint huh

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Nishinoya: i don’t think socks taste good

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Tendou: out of your mummy, into my tummy

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Hinata; shout out to me who thought chickens had four legs until last summer

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Oikawa Hanger: I WANNA HANG MY CLOTHES ON HIM 

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Kenma: What a little pissbaby

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Yamaguchi: i am literally so curious about what it's like to kiss a boy that it's almost killing me

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Daichi about Suga: he may be cute, but istg there’s some kind of raging devil trapped in him

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Saeko: fuck society my titties are out

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Hinata after getting lecture by everyone for sneaking into the training camp: GOOD NEWS MY DAD IS NOT GOING TO PUT ME IN THE OVEN

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Just me thinking abt any first years: children. toddlers. Tikes.

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Me waiting for the fever: When is malaria?

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Uhhhhh probably tendou his vibes: Ill electrocute his cock

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Akaashi just go w it probably about bokuto: Why is he shoving cheese up the pussy

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Osamu tiredly: Ooey gooey cheesy chicken vagaina

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Nishinoya trying to catch a very large fish: Dom the Crab

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Bonus crabagraph: The crabs death reverberated and struck fear into the hearts of all crabs in existence because of this one 60+ year old mans volatile universe-crunching swing. Dude defied the laws of gravity by simply getting pinched by the crab. Man just reinvented the laws of physics and all of science due to the sheer force of will and untapped wellsprings if potential unleashed by the crab. If aliens show up it’s because the supersonic radio waves released by the banging of the crab against the cabinet are the first ever created in the universe. Man could cause a ripple in space-time with his crab launching abilities. Guy probably opened a gateway into another universe when he launched the crab. You see how the cabinet door opened and stayed open? It’s because this elder tore a hole through the fabric of reality to the Other Side simply because he experienced a minor bit of pain. The way he released a defeated roar of agony. The ancient gods awoke from their deep slumber and this old man single-handedly revived all his ancestors. New wars are about to start because of the way this man broke the barriers containing this reality into one fixed area. This universe is now expanding at such a rapid rate the the geosphere will now be reshaped. This man probably unknowingly blasted a hole in the other side of the planet because the shockwaves of the aggressive rippling effect of this poor crustacean slamming at lightning speed into a small wooden frame. The crabs insides were probably fused into the shell because this man’s angry, rage filled, pain filled battering ram of an arm throwing him through every known dimension and re-arriving in this one at the mere moment to experience the most pain a crab ever has or will in the rest of the existence of crabs. This elderly man probably has phased through and broken every human limiter known to man just because he got a minor pinch by a crab. He probably is bio-medically fused with crab DNA at this point. A legend.

[billhaderlovebot]

beep beep (3) - richie tozier.

(how fucking babey is this man?? i??? hhhh???)

@ceruleanrainblues @the-star-above-you @a-second-hand-sorrow

ok! so! some like, violence type stuff? some fluff, some angst, richie being babey, bad language, sex references. here we go lesbians.

---

it had taken richie everything in him not to break when he had returned from the arcade. not to just unravel in front of you and let himself go.

but he didn't. he couldn't.

and he couldn't, now, either.

when pennywise, with gnarled, elongated hands and fingers that almost looked barbed, lifted you from the ground.

ripped you from richie's arms and held you struggling in the air.

"always the hardest to scare." It said, and you groaned in discomfort as It's hot breath fanned the back of your neck, its clawed, twisted hand tightening around your waist. "always the fighter."

"you get the fuck off of her, right the fuck now." richie gritted his teeth, clenching and unclenching his fists. yeah, he was probably going to throw up.

--

richie loved you.

obviously.

he had loved you every single day of his life since he was fourteen fucking years old. every single day.

he knew, now, staring at you, your body curled around his protectively even though you were so much smaller, that his wretched heart would continue to love you for every moment of the rest of his life (plus two or three weeks, for good measure.)

often, when you were kids and you'd nap together in his bed because his parents were out (they were always out) and you needed to be near each other, he would fall asleep after you, just so he could lay awake and watch you breathe. watch you exist so serenely and look so fucking soft in his arms that he could have cried. you looked frightfully vulnerable when you were asleep, though, which always bothered him.

now, years later, you were no different. breaths coming slow and warm and ghosting across the crook of his neck where you had buried your face. so small. so vulnerable.

richie subconsciously held you a little tighter.

he would do anything for you, good lord.

even if it killed him.

you'd been asleep for about a half hour, but richie couldn't drift off.

richie hadn't told you about his artefact because the guilt that came with it sat on his chest like a fucking dumbbell. guilt, because he hadn't told you something very, very important.

you were not his first love.

but eddie kaspbrak was.

and he was guilty. guilty because he had moved on and because he had hidden such a huge part of his life from you. you, who wasn't his first love, but would undoubtedly be his last.

you, who was the love of his life.

eddie had been the first person he'd ever felt any sort of love for. when they were young, before you, and eddie would obsessively straighten the collars of his hawaiian shirts and clean his glasses for him and put band-aids on cuts and scrapes and used curse words that rivalled his own. eddie was the only one to care about him when his parents didn't. richie loved him so, so much and it had awakened a part of him he'd been ashamed of ever since.

it had been a sort of relief when he had met you, really, because he could pass himself off to the world as a normal guy with a normal girlfriend and a normal life. normal.

and oh, how he would do anything for you.

the girl who swore like a fucking sailor and held him tight and got so stoned she couldn't walk while listening to the cure on her portable radio. you'd been his distraction, to begin with, but he found himself falling fast and hard for you.

it scared him, how much he loved you. he'd never fallen so hard. he'd never given so much of himself to another person, bearing his soul to you because you were the only person he wanted to see it.

he'd come to you for solace and comfort, and had ended up loving you so much that nothing else mattered to him. and the day he'd kissed you in the clubhouse was perhaps the best decision of his life. the towering tsunami that was his love for you, crashing over him in almost overwhelming waves, kept him going for two fucking decades.

there was a smaller wave, though, too. smaller, but potent, lapping at his ankles and reminding him that he was not, by any stretch of the imagination, as normal as he wanted to be. as normal as he willed himself to be. because... he loved you, but once upon a time, he had loved eddie kaspbrak. so much.

he had carved your initials onto the kissing bridge the same day he had kissed you for the first time, bigger, and far away from eddie's, as if it would erase what had used to be.

it couldn't erase it, of course. erase what was, and always would be, a part of him.

richie tozier was...

he was different.

and he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why it had happened to him. he had always been told it was wrong.

wrong, wrong, wrong. run, you fucking fairy.

and he had run. so fucking far. even now, when his job was to be controversial, he couldn't fucking say it. he could think of nothing more controversial than being b...

than liking both.

i mean, he could, but after years of being told how fucking weird and perverted and wrong it was by people who didn't even know him, he expected a certain reaction. richie glanced over to his jacket hanging on the back of the door, where the arcade token sat in the pocket. well, fuck.

you stirred a few minutes later, looking up at him with sleepy eyes and a tired smile, and, in that moment, everything was okay.

he kissed you, then. softly. ever so softly and almost like he was afraid you would break.

"what was that for?" you asked after he pulled away, heat rushing to your cheeks.

"i just... love you. that's all." his voice was quiet. "im so fucking in love with you."

you didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until tears welled in his eyes, his lips shaking as he held something back.

"richie? what's-"

"marry me." richie whispered, wiping his eyes and leaning his forehead against yours.

"huh?"

"let's get married, baby."

"yeah. yeah, okay."

----

you had gone absolutely fucking mental when richie had been caught in the deadlights, his eyes clouding and his face devoid of any emotion. beverly had had to hold you back to stop you from going right after him, screaming for him at the top of your lungs because he was floating.

he was floating away and you were going to lose him to the jaws of hell.

"RICHIE!"

"stop!" bev had pleaded. "stop it, you can't do anything! he's too far up!"

you hated her for that. for just a split second, you hated her. and you were kicking and screaming and crying, hot tears sliding down your face faster than you were sure you could make them.

and before you knew what was up:

"BEEP BEEP, MOTHERFUCKER!"

eddie had yelled, launching the monster-killer right down Its fucking throat. and then richie was on the ground, disoriented and spluttering, and, bev, with a sigh of relief, let go of you. out of the corner of your eye, you saw It, struggling and vomiting what might have been actual lava but also looked strangely like blood. your mind cast back to richie and then you were by his side, shaking him awake.

"richie! fuck!" you were aware of just how loud you were sobbing, grabbing him and holding his head to your chest. "you fucking idiot, oh, fuck, i love you." and he was wrapping his shaking arms around you, panicking and probably crying because he had been caught in the deadlights and what the fuck.

"rich!" eddie was ecstatic, kneeling beside the two of you. "i did it, richie. i think i killed it, guys!"

"EDDIE, LOOK OUT!"

you didn't know what was going on, really, until a colossal, razor sharp claw dug itself into the rock where eddie had just fucking been.

and you were sure you'd never been more thankful for ben hanscom and his intuition.

"holy shit, eds." you just about shrieked.

"it's not dead!" richie was suddenly alert, dragging the three of you to your feet as pennywise crawled up from the ground, the spikes it had fallen on making a wet crunching sound as It tore itself off of them.

everything was happening so fucking fast, and you must have zoned out or something, because all of a sudden you were in the fucking air, torn away from a screaming richie. the sharp, jutting bones of it's long fingers dug into your torso as you were lifted, flailing.

"always the hardest to scare. always the fighter." pennywise all but giggled.

"you get the fuck off of her, right the fuck now." you knew what it sounded like when richie was trying to keep his cool, and right now, he was not doing a very good job.

"are you scared now?" It asked you, grinning from ear to ear. "are you scared, richie's girl?"

"FUCK OFF, YOU BIG DUMB ASSHOLE!" any attempt to kick and struggle was cut short by It's tightening fist, and the sharp ridges of It's fingers cutting into you.

oh, and, yeah, ouch, that was a cracked rib. fuck.

"you are." It growled. "i can smell you."

the losers on the ground stared up in frantic horror, flocking around richie and eddie.

"maybe i should take him, instead. your richie."

"YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!"

"i told you i'd get you, richie's girl."

it flicked a long, black tongue over its razor teeth.

"AND I TOLD YOU THAT IM NOT FUCKING AFRAID OF YOU, YOU STUPID CLOWN."

it's face dropped.

its eyes rolled back into its head.

it fucking smiled.

and then, as if you were a ragdoll it was tired of playing with, it tossed you aside.

richie heard it. the fucking sound. the crunch as your body collided with the jagged rocks at the other end of the sewer. he retched and heaved and his legs didn't seem to be working anymore.

he saw your body crumple, and the scream that erupted from his throat wasn't quite human.

---

"you need to wake up." richie held your hand in his own, the wires protruding from your wrist making him feel sick. "you gotta wake up, baby." the steady beep of your heart monitor was the only thing stopping him from going completely fucking insane. "cmon, we're getting married, so... so you gotta come back to me." richie ignored the bile rising in his throat at the sight of you with tubes and wires spilling from every part of you that wasn't cast in bandages. you looked so fucking broken. "we've already lost so much time... and we need to catch up." richie couldn't find it in himself to crack a joke. this was the first time he'd been really, truly happy since he was seventeen, and now it was all hanging in the balance.

richie had heard from bill the morbid account of your injuries. the doctor wasn't able to tell richie, directly, as he was going on a fucking rampage outside, throwing trash cans and yelling and such.

you'd almost died in the operating theatre twice, he had also heard from bill.

"sh-she had uh, bad in-internal b-b-bl-bleeding. they almost c-couldn't stop it."

but they had stopped it. and now you were here. you were alive. but you'd been out for a good three days, and every hour that passed, richie was less and less sure you'd wake up again.

beverly had had to coax richie into a bathroom to clean himself up, bringing him a clean outfit, because he flat out refused to go back to the inn and shower and change. he wouldn't leave you here. she allowed him to cry on her shoulder, and she knew that he only cried in front of you, which threw her, but she held him and let him cry until he couldn't anymore.

"mr tozier?" the nurse who came in regularly to change your feeding tube and medicine and such was stood by the door, clipboard in hand.

"yeah?" he croaked, not making a move to stand up.

"there's someone here to see you."

richie was sure it could have been the queen of fucking england, or freddie mercury risen from the grave, and he would have told them to fuck off.

"will you, uh, send them in?" richie requested. he hadn't left you for more than ten minutes the whole time you'd been admitted. "i don't wanna-"

"of course, mr tozier." said the nurse, nodding sympathetically and backing out of the room. the door clicked shut behind her.

moments later, richie heard a voice.

"sorry, but, who exactly are you?" said the voice. richie looked up from your hand, which he was still holding, by the way.

a smallish, mousy brown-haired man stood at the door, his hair slicked back with far too much wax that didn't do anything for his terribly receding hairline. "and why are you holding my wife's hand?"

ah. the husband. fuck.

"oh, yeah. right." richie didn't let go of you. "you must be, uhh... umm..."

"timothy. timothy milo." the man said with an air of superiority. richie would lay this guy the fuck out.

"oh, yeah, of course." he nodded, squeezing your fingers gently.

"forgive me," said timothy, pulling up a chair. "forgive me, but, my wife has been missing for almost a week, now, and i get a call saying she's here, in... in derry? is it? battered, and... and comatose."

richie had only known the guy for all of thirty seconds, but he'd knock out those perfect, sickeningly white teeth in a heartbeat. "yeah, there was... an accident-"

"and richie tozier, big-shot comedian from malibu, is holding her hand and looking like... his whole world has been torn down."

timothy was becoming increasingly irate, and richie found it more than a little bit funny. he raised his hands in defense.

"look, man-"

"i ask you again, tozier, who exactly are you? to her, i mean."

and richie had... no idea what to say. for once in his life. no sarcasm, no witty comebacks. nothing.

"well... i fucking love her, man." was all he could think.

and then, with a crunch, timothy milo's manicured fist collided with the side of richie's face.

---

you didn't remember much.

the only thing you could fathom was a faint beeping sound, and a warm, calloused hand on top of yours. you cracked one eye open (with great difficulty) and sighed in relief. it was him.

your richie. disheveled and distraught, but your richie, all the same.

"r-r-r-" your throat was so fucking dry. it hurt to speak. "rich..." was all you managed, your fingers twitching under his hand.

"holy fuck." the smile that lit up his face was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. he had a rather large bruise on his left cheekbone, and his eyes were red and puffy, but he grinned so big and so bright that you could have burst into tears. "you're awake."

"and y-you're... beautiful." you croaked.

"woah, how hard did you hit your head?" he joked, sniffling, a tear slipping down his cheek. he kissed your hand, mindful of the tubes.

"that... that looks like... a punch, richie." you noted, eyeing the purple bruise that started on his cheekbone and ended below his eye.

"you should see the other guy." richie sniffed, a sad smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes. it hurt you.

"wh-who?"

"timothy fucking milo." richie scoffed, rolling his eyes in a manner that reminded you of stanley.

"he was... he was here?" your head fucking hurt.

"yeah. gone now. after i told him what was what. fucking asshole."

"wh-"

"another time, babe. you're not up for it."

and you knew he was right. you'd only properly processed about half of the words he'd said.

"i've been outta my fucking mind waiting for you to wake up, yknow. don't do that again." richie said, dragging his hands down his face and rolling his shoulders. his back hurt from sleeping here for just under four days, leaning over the cot and holding your hand.

"it wasn't... my fucking fault... you asshole... it was... oh my god. It."

"we won't dig that up now, huh?" richie interjected. "you rest up a little, i'll chat to you about boring shit, you'll perhaps give me a sympathy hand-job, and when you're a little less drugged up, we can talk about the heavy stuff."

"okay." your attempt at a nod was feeble as fuck. "and... sympathy hand-job?"

"yeah. for making me fight your husband and cry for three days. in no particular order." richie explained, as if it were obvious.

"do you want me to... pull your dick off with my medicine tubes?"

his eyes widened.

"no, ma'am."

"then... shut up." you whined, breathless. your chest burned and your side hurt and you didn't even want to talk about your legs.

"i need more drugs, trash-mouth." you groaned, and he leaned over you to press the red button to alert the nurses.

"believe it or not, you've said that to me before." richie snorted. "no chance of a hand-job, then?"

"beep beep, richie."

[tsukidrama]

ASSAULT FEELINGS POST:

i think they changed the cart’s voice a little from S3p2? i like it better the way it is now

every time zeke has shown up so far i’m just like “okay shut the fuck up, man”

armin’s transformation was SO well done, extremely badass and everything i expected. the music was !!!!!!!!!! AND PORCO’S SCREAM OF RAGE 😫🥵

absolutely sobbing and crying at Panzer unit‘s death scene. they are such minor characters but the pain in Pieck’s eyes is too much to handle. oh god she looks SO BAD i’m so distressed babey girl BABEY

“are these the sort of sights you saw, Bertolto” FUCKING CHILLS! armin’s colossal is still ugly though oof

WHAT A FUCKING GOOD GALLIARD FIGHT SCENE like i’m gonna simp no matter what he does but the way he screams Pieck’s name and rages at Eren hhhhnngg

DADDY HANJI OH MY GOD MY KNEES ARE JELLY HER VOICE IS SO SEXY I MISSED HER SO MUCH FUCK I CANT BELIEVE WE HAD TO WAIT TIL EPISODE SEVEN. THANK YOU MAPPA FOR DOING HER NOSE JUSTICE ITS ALL I EVER WANTED. THANK U THANK U

ONYANKAPON IS SO FUCKING HOT TOO I LOVE HIS VOICE MAD HE ONLY SAID ONE LINE I FUCKING LOVE THIS MAN

NUTCRACKER TIME FUCK I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NEXT WEEK. OH MY GOD DID HE RIP OFF HIS LIMBS LIKE THAT IN THE MANGA??????? OH FUCK OH JESUS

I CARE SO MUCH MORE ABOUT PORCO IN THIS SCENE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LIKE IM NOT EVEN EXCITED ABOUT WHATS ABOUT TO HAPPEN IM JUST UPSET THAT HE HAS TO LIVE WITH THE TRAUMA OF BEING FORCED TO KILL HER LIKE THAT. IF THEY HAD CUT TO HIS FACE INSIDE THE TITAN WHILE HE WAS BEGGING FOR EREN TO STOP I WOULD HAVE CRIED

SISTER OF WILLY’S FACE MADE ME SO SAD. AND THE SOUND OF THE FUCKING CRUNCH OH FUCK. THE ANIMATION OF SHARDS AND BLOOD FALLING - EXQUISITE. also that part was so long and dragged out like i get the intensity of the moment but i’m sitting there staring through my fingers for soooooo long

not looking forward to anime only reactions of next week’s episode

[babbushka]

Dead Man

Flip Zimmerman x Reader 

(word count: 2.5k ; warnings: N*FW babey)

                                                   -----------------------

You were zipping down the main road, convertible top down, wind in your hair and radio blasting. There was not another soul in sight, and you had just done some serious damage at the grocery store, taking advantage of all the new sales for the week. 

Dolly Parton’s new single had just hit the airwaves, and you could not get enough of it. You sang at the top of your lungs along to the heart-wrenching ballad, grateful that no woman could tempt your man the way Jolene seemed to be able to tempt Dolly’s.

You were so caught up in the song and the atmosphere of the beautiful Colorado mountains that you were driving through, that it wasn’t until the commercial on the radio started playing and you turned the volume down that you noticed the flashing red and blue lights behind you.

“Oh shit.” You cursed to yourself, checking your speed.

A decent twenty miles over the limit, you saw, and you groaned. 

You pulled over and turned the radio all the way off, hoping it was one of Flip’s friends in the car behind you, hoping that you could maybe maybe maybe sweet-talk your way out of a ticket.

You fixed your hair in the rear-view mirror, and waited patiently for…well speak of the devil, you thought, when your very own husband took his time walking over to your door.

Those cowboy boots of his crunched on the gravel of the side of the road, and you really couldn’t help but admire how good he looked in those sunglasses of his, cigarette poking out of the corner of his mouth.

“License and registration, ma’am.” He said, voice deep deep deep, the kind of voice that made you weak for him.

“Honey? What are you doing out here?” You asked, slightly confused.

“That’s Detective Zimmerman to you.” He licked his teeth.

You knew what game he was playing, you knew. He knew you knew.

You wanted to be difficult.

“Is Jimmy with you?” You asked, craning your neck around to peer through the windshield of the car behind you, the lights stopped flashing for now. Sure enough, there was your friend, looking as amused as could be. “Hey Jim!”

“Hi (Y/N)!” He shouted back at you, and you could hear the laugh in his voice.

Flip tapped on the side view mirror to capture your attention again, and you gave it with a raised eyebrow.

“Ma’am, do you know how fast you were speeding?” Flip asked, face perfectly stoic, perfectly professional.

Your man was nothing if not professional.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me.” You rolled your eyes, being a brat, being difficult, knowing you’d pay for it, knowing he’d pay for this.

“I’m perfectly serious.” He said, and there it was – the barest hint of a smirk, of a smile, as he sucked the last of the cigarette down, as he snuffed it out between his heel and the coarse gravel below.

His tone brooked no argument, so like a good, law-abiding citizen, you fished out your license and registration, handed it over to Flip who thanked you and took it back to his cop car.

Jimmy was shaking his head fondly when Flip returned, pretended to run it through the system, just to stall for time and annoy you even more. Hopefully you’d be feisty, you’d be aggravated enough to punish him later for it.

“You’re going to be in so much trouble, Zimmerman.” Jimmy laughed, smoked his own cigarette.

Flip didn’t tell him that that was the whole point.

“Drive her car back home?” He said instead, and Jimmy just shook his head again.

“Sure thing.” Jimmy replied, the two of them walking back to your car.

You had gotten out of the car in the meantime, had turned it off and was twirling the keys around your finger. This wasn’t the first time he had pulled a stunt like this, not even close. You knew what you were in for, and you couldn’t help the fluttering in your stomach.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to bring you down to the station, there’s a warrant out for your arrest.” Flip said with mock disappointment.

“Is that so?” You asked, crossing your arms.

“Yep.” Flip nodded, “Being too goddamned beautiful. Can’t have a menace like that running loose on the streets.” And there it was, there was that big smug fucking grin that had you rolling your eyes, had you handing your keys over to Jimmy, had you grow wet between your legs.

“There’s ice cream in the trunk Jimmy, could you put it in the freezer for me?” You asked sweetly, innocently, as Flip’s hands already started roaming over your sides, as he already started pulling you towards him, right there off the interstate.

“Yes ma’am, you two have fun.” Jimmy winked, getting into the car and driving away.

As soon as he was out of sight and there were still no cars coming in either direction, Flip was on you, big hands crushing your arms and pulling you to the cop car.

“Flip I’m going to kill you!” You laughed, because he was ridiculous, because he was so fucking handsome, was going to treat you so right, you just knew it.

“Threatening an officer? Now you’re in real trouble.” He said, gripping your jaw, bringing you in for a deep wet sloppy kiss.

“What are you gonna do to me?” You asked once he pulled away, taking your breath with him. 

He dipped his big thumb into your mouth, and you sucked on it, entirely too suggestively, right there out in the open where anyone could drive by and see.

“I haven’t decided yet. Hands behind your back.” He ordered.

You figured you’d let him have this, let him have you like this. At least for now.

You turned around, leaned your tits against the cop car and crossed your wrists. He cuffed you tight, tight enough that it was going to chafe, tight enough that you wouldn’t be able to break free. He pressed himself right up against you as he did it, as he slowly clicked the metal into place, and you could feel his cock grinding against your ass.

He sat you in the back of the cop car, locked the doors and drove down the main road a ways before pulling off to a lesser known path, one that wound the two of you up in a nice clearing just on the outskirts of the big mountain trails.

The clearing was beautiful, tall wild grasses and flowers lining the road, old asphalt bleached from the sun that came with the summer months. You were going to get dicked down, you knew that, knew it as you pushed your chest out, tried to make yourself look good. 

“My husband’s gonna be looking for me.” You said with a glimmer in your eye as he parked the car.

“Oh yeah? He a big guy?” He asked you, meeting your gaze through the rearview mirror. He didn’t look down at his hands as they undid his belt, he didn’t need to, he’s done it a hundred times.

You licked your lips.

“Mhm, real big. Strong. Knows how to shoot.” You noded, and he huffed a laugh at that, one that turns into a groan.

You try and peer over the seat, try to get a glimpse of his cock, because you know he’s jerking off, you know. You can see it in the way his arm is moving, how his shoulders are tensing. You wish you could do it for him, fuck your way out of this speeding ticket.

“He take care of you?” He asked, breathy, and you nod, rubbing your thighs together.

That tone of his voice does shit to you, it’s the same tone he uses when he begs for you, when he pleads. You’re going to make him beg tonight, you decided, as he spits in his palm and tugs at his cock a little faster.

“Yeah he does. And he’s not gonna be too happy that I’m not home working on dinner.” You pointed out, making him laugh again.

“Maybe I’m hungry now.” He said, eyes dark with lust, face flushed.

“Are you?” You ask, and just like that, he’s out of the driver’s seat, out of the car.

He rounded on you, pulled the door open and yanks you out, shoves you roughly against the side of the car. He could fuck you on the hood, but that’s no fun, not when he’s got you cuffed like this.

He kicks your feet apart with those heavy boots, and you comply eagerly, spread them and stay still as his hands slowly slowly slowly push up your skirt, as they smooth over your ass. He pulls back the elastic waistband of your panties and lets it go, lets it snap harshly against your skin, and when you whine, he does it again.

“Flip,” You’re fluttering all over, your pussy so wet, aching, desperate to be touched.

He’s hungry, he said, and he wastes little time getting his fill as he drops to his knees behind you, yank your underwear down so it’s caught between your ankles as he eats you out from behind. He’s got fingers and tongue prodding at you, massaging you, sucking and biting and licking in a way that’s got your knees buckling.

Flip spits on your cunt, uses it as lube even though it’s not nearly enough. He withdraws his fingers to keep your legs pried open, grip tight on your thighs as he buried his face in your ass, as he fucked you with his mouth. His facial hair is harsh and stinging in all the right ways, it scrapes and scratches against your inner thighs and you’re drooling from both ends at the rough treatment.

It’s not enough, not nearly enough, and you tell him so.

“If you don’t shove that cock in me soon I’m gonna scream.” You warn, wrists straining against the cuffs as you try and reach for something to ground yourself with.

“You wouldn’t dare – ” He pulls back, scrambling up to clamp a hand over your mouth when you absolutely do dare, when you take in a deep breath and let out just the tiniest fraction of a second of a scream loose. “Shit (Y/N)!”

“Told you.” You grin, muffled against his hand.

He growls, holds your head down against the side of the car with one hand and frees his cock again with the other, belt and zipper clinking together from the fury behind it. A stunt like that could get you both caught, could lure someone, anyone, to the scene. Some poor hiker might just find you getting fucked blind, and then what would you do?

“Fine, you want to be a brat, be a brat.” He sucked his teeth, growls at you as he guides his cock into you, shoves it in roughly, so so rough. You’re going to be bruised by the end of this, you know that, you moan for it.

“Yes!” You gasp as he splits you on his dick, all ten inches of it forcing its way into you, barely giving you time to adjust.

His hips shove you up and up and up, until you’re up on your tippie toes, and you’re moaning these breathy little whimpers, unable to move, can’t go anywhere with how he’s got you pinned to the side of the car, right out in the open clearing, right there. 

He fucks into you fast, balls slapping your ass, and he wants to see your tits but he can’t, and that pisses him off.

“God you’re fucking filthy.” He hisses, seethes as you push back against him, meeting each of his thrusts in time.

“Pot calling the kettle black, c’mon detective, fuck me like you mean it.” You can’t help but laugh, tease, always teasing.

He grabs a hold of your hair and hauls you off the side of the car for a moment, before dropping you down onto the backseat inside the car. It’s easier to fuck you like this, easier for you to take his cock, and you’re moaning loud into the leather upholstery, hands grasping at nothing from where they’re bound behind your back. 

You love being manhandled like this, love love love it, love it when he smacks you hard, the back of your thighs stinging from the blow. He does it again, watching as big red welts form, welts that are only going to chafe as he fucks you with his jeans still on his hips. 

He bends himself over you, draped himself across your whole back. He covers your mouth with one hand and shoves some fingers down your throat, holds your pelvis down with the other, holds you in place as he rails you so hard that the shocks squeak.

“You gotta be quiet, be quiet for me, be good.” He says over and over, low in your ear.

Your hair is clinging to the sweat on your face, and you’re clenching so tight around him that he knows he’s going to come soon, he knows he will. He doesn’t give a shit, he knows he’ll come again later after his shift, knows you’ll punish him for taking control like this.

“Flip – honey please, please please please.” You’re muffled against his hand, drooling all over his fingers, crying now, because of course you are, because it’s too much, it’s overwhelming, it’s so fucking good.

He pets your hair back and kisses your neck, grinds his cock into you slowly, drags it against your gspot again and again and again.

“Shh, shh, be good. My good girl, c’mon.” He whispers, licks at your cheek, bites your ear. “You can take it, you can take me.” 

You’re pressing your sweat and tears into the leather and he wants to make you lick it up, but you do without even being told, wanting to be good for him.

He yanks your head up by your hair and fucks you until he’s coming, until he can feel you gush on his cock and you’re coming too, until the both of you are panting and your throats are dry dry dry from all the gasps you’ve pulled from each other’s throats.

 When you’ve both calmed down, Flip is quick to un-do the cuffs around your wrists. He kisses them, soothes them with massaging hands, lavishes love and apologies into the skin there. You let him, let him pull out of you and turn you over, let him fuck the come that’s spilled out back into you with callused fingers.

“You’re lucky we didn’t get caught.” You said, a big grin creeping up on your face.

He stuck his fingers into your mouth and you sucked them clean, and only once they were clean did he go back to carefully righting your clothes, fixing your hair, like you were both at home and not in the back seat of some cop car in the middle of a clearing off the interstate.

“Let’s get you home.” He said, ignoring you, making you roll your eyes and swat at his shoulder.

“Whose car is this anyway?” You asked, suddenly terribly curious as to whose property you just defiled in such a dirty way.

“Trapp’s. He’s sick, me and Jimmy were bringing it to the station for him.” Flip explained, hauling you out of the backseat and opening the passenger door for you like the gentleman he was.

You only shook your head and sat primly in the car, buckling your seatbelt while he went around to sit in the driver’s seat, as he lit his cigarette and turned the car back on.

“You better go through a carwash before turning it in, you asshole.” You laughed, making him grin, because of course he would.

“Keep talking like that and I’ll add on to your speeding ticket.” He teased, and for a minute you thought he was just joking.  

“Wait, that ticket was real?” You asked all of a sudden, eyeing the little slip of paper in the cup-holder that had your name on it, literally.

He didn’t say anything as he pulled onto the main road, and it was all you could do but groan and let out an exasperated,

“Flip Zimmerman you’re a dead man!”

------------

Tagging some pals, lol sorry i just had to get this one out of my system!  @adamsnackdriver @dreamboatdriver @kylo-renne @callmehopeless @kyloxfem @formerly-anonhamster @thepilotanon @solotriplets   @fullofbees @spinebarrel @bourbonboredom @driverficarchive @rosalynbair @redhairedfeistynerd @glitzescape @adamsnacc-kler  @ladygrey03 @venusianmaiden marvelous-blog-221 @edwardseyelashes @softcrybabykid @tinyplanet-explorers

[suteshiro]

ALL of the asks.

Hey! I didn’t get to this right away so I’m making an educated guess on what ask meme this was for ksjvnksjfnv

chocolate: when was your first kiss?

Ah,, haven’t had that yet!

french vanilla: how old are you?

I’m 18 babey

cotton candy: three places you want to travel to?

America, Canada and I can’t really think of anywhere else because I just really want to see my friends skvjnfkjv

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?

Probably Japanese! Hindi might be neat too

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?

I’m not that into cosmetics skvnsjkfv but theres this one brand that keeps making Sailor Moon themed makeup, I think it’s Creer Beaute? I can get behind that. 

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?

I’m an indoors guy

cookie dough: do you play any instruments?

I’m learning the guitar! It’s mostly my voice tho

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?

Rn I have All my loving stuck in my head skjfvnskjfv but I think my current favs are What’s a devil to do, Mordred’s Lullaby and Kick it up a notch? Idk, all I’ve been listening to lately is this one playlist i made for my character and every song there is great

butter pecan: favorite songs for life?

YOU CAN’T ASK ME THESE THINGS I’M SMALL AND INDECISIVE

Hijo de la luna has been in my heart for forever and will probably always be

Love like you is,,, very dear to my heart as a song that I can very much relate to

I can’t think of anything else at the moment sknsfvn

cheesecake: what's your zodiac sign?

Scorpio!!

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?

Depends!! The pool is my fav by default bc I don’t have to deal with things like. The sun. But when I went to Córdoba with my friends and we hung out at the river I had a blast

chocolate chip: what's your most popular post?

A really dumb Yugioh shitpost sknvjsfvk it’s been years and every now and again it comes back and I die inside

bubblegum: books or movies?

hhhhhh both? A while ago I would’ve said books and they’re very dear to my heart but I’ve been having a harder time reading fiction lately. and I think there’s a certain beauty to cinema

pistachio: manga or anime?

Manga!!! Anime’s great tho. I have a great amount of respect and love for voice actors so I always love watching animated media

salted caramel: favorite movies?

Ponyo, Princess Mononoke, Princess Kaguya and Nausicaa of the valley of the wind are all. very very dear to my heart

Conqueror of Shamballa is also a fav skfvnskjfvn

Oh! And Moana!

I’m sure I have quite a few not-anime favs but I can’t think of any rn ksvjfnkfv

birthday cake: favorite books?

Geisha, a life by Mineko Iwasaki is very important to me. When I was a kid I was amazed by how much I related to her and really wanted to be like her. Also I just think it’s really cool that she went out of her way to right the wrongs of Memoirs of a Geisha (which I am upset about, let it be known)

Betibú by Claudia Piñeiro is a really really good Argentinian murder mystery and i looove it

Also Argentinian, I’m a big fan of La Doncella Roja/The Red Maiden

moose tracks: favorites for manga?

PET SHOP OF HORRORS

Uzumaki by Junji Ito!!!

Mermaid Saga by Rumiko Takahashi was very sadly short but I loved every second of it

orange sherbet: favorites for anime?

Card Captor Sakura and FMA03 are probably my absolute favorites

peanut butter: favorite academic subject?

uuuuuUUUUUH

i don’t know what counts as an academic subject skjvnksfjvn

one of the subjects i have in school rn is based around making a videogame and im having a blast

in General Aspects I love art and have great appreciation for computer science in theory though im starting to doubt whether its My Thing academically

black raspberry: do you have any pets?

sadly no

mango: when and why did you start your blog?

fuck, I think it was like 6 or 5 years ago by now skvjnskfn and it was to be able to browse tags easier I believe

mocha: ideal weather conditions?

warm, windy, cloudy

black cherry: four words that describe you?

Kind, loving, needy, emotional ksjnsfjn

neapolitan: things that stress you out?

trying to approach a wide subject im not familiar with. even when i know i can handle it and have an idea of where to start its just so overwhelming

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?

probably pop? I don’t know honestly

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?

Bonafide, Royal, Cofler I think

toffee: a card game that you're good at?

I don’t fancy myself very skilled in any card games honestly skjvnskfjvn I enjoy this one called We didn’t playtest this at all. Oh and I love Uno/Crazy 8s

lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?

Yes!!! Every morning. Sometimes I forget to eat but I try to be very consistent with That

dark chocolate: turn ons?

Am I allowed to talk about this? Can I be horny on main?? Is this allowed??

fudge: turn offs?

See above skjnskjfvn 

peach: how do you relax?

if I’m doing real bad my go-to is a ghibli movie and some tea. I like laying down and playing games on my phone or reading to chill

praline: a popular book you haven't read yet?

there’s so manyyyy

The Magnus Chase saga I really want to read

Also Good Omens

superman: do you like sweaters?

Yes!!! but only if they’re Really soft

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?

around 80% of my liquid intake is iced tea ksjvfnsfv mostly peppermint. I enjoy coffee when I’m made to drink it because I sweeten it to death but honestly I don’t drink it by choice unless I have to stay up quite a bit

dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?

well, i really want to get into the guitar, but also I would love to... piano

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

just a few times, but yes!!

latest time was when a friend narrated to us the story of his fish and it fucking killed me, I wish there was any way for me to replicate that mess

ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?

Give me an easy way to block through my side blogs pls

blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?

im having a Lot of trouble thinking of them rn ksjfvnkjsfnv but i just saw @un-repentant in my dash and everything they ever put in their blog is great

almond: favorite mean girls quote?

I,,,,, didn’t watch Mean Girls, 

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?

They’re not painted, sadly

cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?

Nope! I mean, I have had my feelings reciprocated but nobody’s come up to me to tell me they liked me without prompting on my side

blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?

Yup! Still do

cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?

Not often which is a shame bc I love them

mint: the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

I don’t wanna think about it skjvnksjfnv

brownie batter: do you like sushi?

I love it and it’s sad bc I’ve only eaten it twice in my entire life

key lime: where do you want to be right now?

Cuddling with a good good friend,

red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?

Yes! I can barely see without them ksjfvnkjsfv

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?

Mint with chocolate chips, bitter chocolate? idk how to name it in English, white chocolate and Kinder chocolate

[ihavealavalamp]

ALL OF THEM. NOW

1. A favorite character you have played. - YOU CAN NOT POSSIBLY THINK THAT I DONT LOVE ALL MY CHARACTERS EQUALLY I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH YOU CANT MAKE ME CHOOSE

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played. - r.....ruby...... and all your characters honestly.. also monty played by jaye in daga boys will always have a special place in my heart cause hes just a Ride of a character, chas played by nick is my fucking Friend, and i could keep going honestly i love everyones characters so much you dont understand

3. Your favorite side quest. - i think a lot about the werewolf shenanigans in aurum. i’ll never forget it. 

4. Your current campaign. - im in so many fuckign campaigns rn please god dont make me list them

5. Favorite NPC. - sheila.... all of huli’s friends in flying plague, literally every npc in best intentions (emphasis on astarielle and marlon who make me think a Lot), everyone in story of the stars, and Uhhhh cat does a Real good depiction of ellar in the murder HDSDHS

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc). - i wasnt even fuckin There but the death of elaris. i think abt that a lot. also poetry killing bear was Top Ten Anime Moments

7. Your favorite downtime activity. - depends on the character! most times i cant really think of much though hgfhgf

8. Your favorite fight/encounter. - the poetry vs bear duel was Iconic, and every encounter in best intentions is so fuckin Good cause milo makes some real terrifying monsters like jesus CHRIST.. also in daga boys when walter and the gang were escaping Lich Court. iconic.

9. Your favorite thing about D&D. - i like that it keeps me social and interacting with friends! i have problems with isolating myself but planning d&d stuff keeps me from doing that frequently Thank God.. also i love roleplaying and having a character that grows and interacts with others! i also really love some good ol combat.. i honestly love pretty much every aspect of d&d im very easy to please

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most. - i dont know if i have a favorite! i think lots are real good! but enemy i hate the most has gotta be those fuckin magical huge centipedes milo sent after us in best intentions. FUCK those things.

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play? - i play pretty frequently! im in a Lot of campaigns rn so im able to play things pretty much whenever i have the time to do so. 

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from. - “you really pulled the nose on that one” is Iconic, it was from the first session of daga boys in which a trap activated by pulling the nose of a statue just. kept going off. like they kept pulling the nose Knowing it’d go off. and god i could write so many more but it would make this way too long GDHJDS

13. Introduce your current party. - im in so fucking many campaigns!!!!! but the last two i played i guess.... in best intentions dmed by milo we’ve got gwen the life domain cleric and delwyn the berserker barbarian played by simone and kiara! theyre two dwarf wives on their honeymoon and they got caught up in this ghfhgf,, and my character is silbryn! the fiend warlock we all know and love! and marlon, the dmpc who is generally cryptic and kinda terrifying sometimes but i love him anyways. and then in story of the stars, dmed by krissie! it’s a warrior cats campaign because we’re VALID and the party is orchidpaw played by cat who is aiming for being the leader but has a tenancy to be a bit loudspoken, and my character, songpaw, who is the medicine cat apprentice who tries to be mature but his short temper can get the best of him sometimes. and simone plays bo, a big ol mom cat! i love them.

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed. - TOO MANY I CAN NOT

15. Do you have snacks during game times? - when we’re playing online i dont bc i dont want to make Crunching Noises, but in irl sessions i just eat whatever’s there if anything is there. ya know. im so tired.

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer? - both! i prefer irl greatly though... im a very Expressive person and my characters are like 75% facial expressions and body language gfhfghgf

17. What are some house rules that your group has? - i can not actually think of any rn ghfghfg

18. Does your party keep any pets? - ya!! lots of familiars.. u know how it be

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions? - hfghf i know some people i play with do, but i personally do not!

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing? - my friends were playing it cause theyre a bunch of NERDS. and it’s been like two years now i think! i started near the end of highschool!

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done? - CONSTANTLY MY CHARACTERS ARE SUCH DUMBASSES BUT I GOTTA BE IN CHARACTER!

22. What color was your first dragon? - first dragon we took down was a young green dragon in daga boys!

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns? - original campaigns, mostly! i do play in a curse of strahd and a ravnica campaign though!

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game? - I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH AS A DM otherwise i will Fall Apart. as for pcs, i jsut go in blind and do what my character would do in that moment HJDSKJD

For DMs

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for? - mainly not acknowledge certain things that are important hgfhgf but other than that ive been lucky to have players that dont really do things that throw me off too much

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters. - the marley scene in weltschmerz i am still SO HAPPY with that... also in underground orchestra when iris explored ellar’s house.... Classic.

27. Do you allow homebrew content? - yeah!! as long as the player runs it by me first then im usually good with pretty much anything as long as it isnt game breaking gfhgfh

28. How often do you use NPCs in a party? - very often i like to Talk and i usually have quite a few reoccurring npcs that either stick with the party or are consistent in their appearances gfhgf (velki in weltz, ellar in uo, ivory in harbingers)

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions? - I LIKE BOTH.... im a simple man

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos? - i have good players in both my campaigns!! but i guess it depends!

For Players

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race? - i LOVE ME SOME CHARISMA CASTERS.... warlocks, sorcerers, and bards are just Fun babey!!! and tieflings, aasimars, and aarakocra are Fun and friends

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?) - im almost Always a caster ghfhgf... glass cannon babey

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory? - it always takes me a While to fully flesh out a backstory, but usually listening to music is what gives me ideas and inspiration for it!

34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor? - flavor, usually! i try to pick things that would be in character for the one im playing!

35. How much roleplay do you like to do? - lots...... im a simple man

there you go, thanks ya fuckin heathen

[salmonandsoup]

Can you tell us more about your Persona 4/5 AU? It sounds super interesting!

OH!!!!!!!

oh absolutely

the official name of this thing is “an unorthodox absolution” btw, just so y’all can check the tag for things when i eventually post em.  or not bc i forget but IT’S THERE!!!!  you can also check “the spectral redeemers au” or “spectral redeemers au”

but OK so this shit’s goin under a readmore cuz it might get Long and involves TONS of late-game spoilers for both p4 and p5

aight so.  i love villains.  a lot.  they’re bastards and bitches and they’re MY bastards and bitches.  it’s probably because i’ve always tried to be kind and helpful and i want to “save” them even though i know it’d never happen and they’d either laugh at me or kill me bUT A WOMAN CAN DREAM OF MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE

so i decided to make a villain redemption arc kind of au that would involve my favorite villains from persona 4 and 5 to be able to turn a new leaf and get personas and be a really cool antihero/antivillain kinda squad (grant it, some of the members aren’t bad guys at all, but due to interacting with the former bad guy squad and getting personas thanks to the former bad guy squad they join the former bad guy squad)

important things to note:

p4 takes place in 2011-2012, and p5 takes place in 2016-2017

p4 “ended” with the accomplice ending, and narukami was close enough to marie to get her to realize who she was and what she needed to do, so she killed herself to contain some of the fog.  inaba isn’t devoured by fog, and it actually left––well, more like it did something very interesting

there are a lot of holes surrounding a few characters cuz this is a wip au (for example: while i respect her and think she’d make a great pseudo-phantom thief, i don’t really love sae, so i haven’t done a lot of her stuff even though she’s the 4th member)

the palaces the PT go through are condensed, so okumura’s palace is actually some time in early august –– while i won’t go into it, you can imagine they’d fill the void that crunch time brings with other palaces while the spectral redeemers catch up

it all starts with okumura’s shadow fighting back against the black mask, figuring out his identity, and devising a plan to destroy the conspiracy from the inside out.  okumura fakes his death after starting to repair his relationship with haru (she knows he’s not actually dead so he can continue trying to mend the relationship) and lives under a false identity as he tries to accomplish this mission with akechi, and meets a few interesting people along the way, who end up becoming members of the squad in due time.  

he looks like this and i die because i have Things I Like and i poured them All into “ichirou matsuoka’s” design

the first he meets is one tohru adachi, living it up and hating himself five years after inaba.  the two of them enter a dance of a relationship after a drunken tryst and keeping intrigue because they both know the other’s hiding SOMETHING from them.  eventually akechi and okumura figure out what adachi did, and decide to change his heart.

now, when haru goes missing is when things get fun for this story, and shit kicks into gear.

okumura knows his daughter’s a phantom thief––who else would be able to get close enough to him to change his heart?  fuckin nobody, babey; he kept that shit guarded as hell!  so he has an idea that this disappearance is phantom thief related.  and he panics a bit, cuz he was a horrible father but he’s not gonna be any longer so he decides to sneak behind akechi and into the metaverse when he finally pesters the kid enough to at least CHECK on them in whatever they’re doing (by this time, akechi is working alongside the phantom thieves and while they know he’s the traitor, something feels strange and they’re gonna Investigate this new air akechi’s got about him).  okumura steps into sugimura’s palace, because the bastard did NOT take the rescinding of the marriage contract well AT ALL.  shadow!sugimura isn’t tough, but he gets the drop on the PT and ambushes them

now, they could easily get out on their own, and were in the process of doing so as they got shadow!sugimura monologuing––but wouldn’t a distraction be perfect?  they get one with okumura staggering in and trying to tackle and beat shadow!sugimura into the fucking ground even though he’s literally bleeding out because he rushed in pellmell with akechi begrudgingly keeping the shadows at bay.  shadow!sugimura throws him off…

but then okumura hears a voice.  feels a cape manifest as he vows to never let anyone become a monster like him.  tears it off…

and behind him stands gilgamesh, his very own persona.

after defeating shadow!sugimura, taking his treasure, and escaping the palace, okumura and akechi decide to form a persona-user team of their own, and they call themselves the spectral redeemers––ghosts of villains past trying to make amends for their transgressions.

back to adachi.  you think the bitch don’t have a palace by now, after five years of this shit?  then you don’t know the bitch; he absolutely does.  and he’s the redeemers’ first target.  

now, unfortunately, okumura doesn’t really.  know how to send a calling card.  it turns into him backing adachi into a corner and screaming at him to tell him what he thinks of this goddamn world because they know the who, the where, and they just need the what

so uh.  okumura and akechi go into adachi’s palace blind and at 99% security with about four reapers in the damn palace, which is magatsu tokyo instead of magatsu inaba––shit tonna mazes and dead ends.  thank god there’s a flu going around in the police station so it’s flu season in adachi’s palace.

but you also don’t know the bitch if you don’t think tohru adachi wouldn’t do everything in his power to try and stop them, so he follows them in, too––watches them get the shit kicked out of them and still keep trudging, even making it to his shadow, which berates them and taunts them as they’re fighting.  and they’re making a dent!  they’re hitting it!  but when it starts getting bloodied is when it goes BERSERK.  and all they can do is heal each other.  then all they can do is revive.  and then adachi’s shadow gets an unfortunate critical hit––

and adachi steps between them, takes the hit for okumura.  and if you thought his shadow ripped into people before, adachi’s shadow tears his human self a new asshole.  every little insecurity, everything he hates, everything that pisses him off is thrown right in his face.  adachi goes from angry to despairing to grimly accepting as his shadow raises its weapon––

but okumura, barely conscious, reaches out with the last of his strength and takes adachi’s hand, gives him a warm smile.  he regrets nothing––he fell in love with this man and he’s wanted to die for years now.  if he’s a martyr, so be it.

but that little show of love makes both adachi and his shadow pause.  and then adachi gets up, even while bleeding––tells his shadow it’s right.  

it is him, and he is it.  and he doesn’t want to be that any longer.  he hates it.  he wants to change.  he’s done.  and he gains magatsu-izanagi, takes his own damn treasure, and heals both okumura and akechi and helps them out of the palace as it crumbles.

and thus begins the story.  i’m still working on sae’s stuff, but she’s the next member, and it most likely involves her figuring out what was going on with akechi and shido and deciding “y’know what?  actually, fuck this” and demanding a contract from her shadow.

if you’d like to see some more information, click here for a spreadsheet!  there’s a lot more to this au, especially involving a certain kohaku ueno (he’s an OC that @solivagantis and i created, and he lets the redemeers know of the prison of regression early––so they get to make a choice that could twist the tides of fate.)