#gastroscopie

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

One day in 2019, I had pain so bad I went to the ER.

My gut felt like there were red hot needles and knifes being stabbed into it. I felt nauseous. I felt faint. I very nearly threw up.

It was not the first time I felt this way but it was the worst I’d ever felt. I’d been getting increasingly bad pain for over a year and I had gone to countless doctors trying to determine what it was.

The doctors at the ER — thankfully — took me seriously. They determined I had a severely infected gallbladder and the only way to save my life was to have surgery to remove it.

I still had to give consent before the surgery.

I remember being terrified. I was alone. There was no one to help me. And somehow, even though the only course of action I could take was to consent to the surgery the fact that I had to before they could take action made it all the more terrifying. The consequences of the surgery would mean I would live, but I’d never quite be the same. I felt cheated by my own body. Why was it this way? Why couldn’t I be healthy? Functional? Why wasn’t my body working with me?

The nurses, doctors, and surgeons there were all incredibly kind to me.

One surgeon in particular — the one who ended up operating on me — said something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. “Your body is there to help you. Sometimes, when part of the body is no longer helping you, the best thing to do is cut it away. You’ll be so much happier after the surgery. You won’t be in pain anymore.”

I think about that a lot.

I think about it a lot when I see trans men begging for help to get top surgery and are met with resistance or well meaning but ignorant messages begging back to not “mutilate” their body.

I think about my surgeon, who was so kind to me and knew what to say when I was scared and crying and alone in my hospital bed.

Your body is there to help you.

Sometimes, when part of the body is no longer helping you, the best thing to do is cut it away.

You’ll be so much happier after the surgery.

You won’t be in pain anymore.

I hope you get your top surgery.

I hope you will be so much happier.

And I hope the pain will end.

[pawism]

I guess protogen should be able to do this kind of thing?

[specialability]

Jeeves and Wooster - S01E01 (1990)

I started rewatching this and can't stop marvelling at how the very first episode is about how Bertie needs a strong wife to take him in hand, save him from himself, and "mould" him and then the entire episode is Jeeves doing just that. Like, this shit ain't too subtle.

[non-un-topo]

Thoughts at the bar this Friday. I also started reading Pageboy, and although it sometimes hits close to home, it's giving me some good gender-affirming feelings. Elliot Page and I have a roughly 2-inch height difference.

[threi]

[clatterbane]

I just got another professional throat reaming yesterday, and I can't help but be relieved in a way that it's still feeling sore enough for the home drain snaking not to sound like a great idea tonight. Probably better to give it another day to heal up.

They did send me home with another one ofa little larger diameter yesterday. And actually asked me to bring at least the smallest one back next time, since apparently those aren't even made anymore and they really don't want to lose any of this set. Guess that's not really something they could reasonably just pick up used off eBay or whatever, either!

As miserable as the DIY experience still is, at least it really did seem to make a difference--as everyone was hoping. It kept things open to the point that I wasn't even having to be more careful about what I was eating the last week or so before they worked on it again. I was really hoping that they would be willing to increase the interval between gastroscopy sessions now, but they still want me back in a month. Hopefully once they see if it continues that way, though.

It'll apparently get a decent test over the summer, at least, since the doctor said they wouldn't have access to the OR they've been using for some reason during July. They can apparently use another one elsewhere in the hospital if necessary, but it sounded like that guy wouldn't be sorry to skip July either. (At least I guess both of us can be glad it is gastroscopy, and not necessary from the other end! 😩 Still not a lot of fun for anybody involved, probably.)

But yeah, even if they're not willing to call a longer time between the professional dilation yet, it is at least a HUGE relief to feel a lot more secure that, worst case? I am extremely unlikely to get so that I can't even swallow liquids again. And there is something I can personally do about it if my throat does try to close up like that again.

Being completely dependent on people who kinda seemed to be hoping I would go ahead and die already--just as long as it stopped being their responsibility--had to be one of the roughest, and frankly most traumatic, parts of this whole extended shitshow. Thankfully not the vibe I have ever gotten here at all, but it's still a big relief to have some way of helping myself. Even if it does involve gagging myself with plastic tubes.

[stanislawkowalski]

.

[therinfal]

doctor just called to tell me my mri was completely normal which like. awesome but now 3 tests have shown up normal and don't explain the agonizing stomach pain i sometimes get 😔🤙

[f1inl3ey]

Getting a camera shoved down my throat today

[saintcarrionn]

having the worst day of my life rn

[emmroose-draws]

Gastroscopy

[chronic-chronic]

I forgot to tell y'all abt the gastroscopy I had in 2022! It showed nothing else but I have a "hooklike/hooked stomach"

But it was not followed up if I recall correctly

[suuho]

i can count the days i’ve been physically well in the past 6 months on one hand, and it literally maxes out at 1.5

[beesinspades]

i would like to unsubscribe from anxiety-related tummy issues please and thank you

[clatterbane]

Back home from that second damned full general anesthesia gastroscopy session, and I survived. Just about. Feeling pretty rough about now, and very little of it is from the procedure itself. Still pretty full of Migraine Potion, of course, to make everything more pleasant.

But! This happened. Sure, the whole extra fuss of getting anesthesiology involved makes everything so much safer and better. Particularly with the T1 diabetes!

The main Dunning-Kruger part that I was referring to with the anesthesiologist I got hold of today was that she seemed to be operating under the strange idea that diabetes means that you need a constant supply of glucose, or you will go hypoglycemic. (As in, the exact fucking opposite of how anything works.) And that the long-acting insulin that I was not due to take would also somehow help keep my blood sugar from going dangerously low right then and there? Idek. Maybe she thinks that is a depot shot of extended release sugar? 🥴 (Again, it must be Opposite Day in the Anesthesiologyverse.)

There may have been some language/communication issues there. But yeah that really did not seem to be the main problem. This also was not an issue at all last time. It was definitely that anesthesiologist giving crazy instructions.

Hospitals are not a healthy place for T1 diabetics to end up anyway. There is so much piss-poor knowledge paired with God complexes going around. But, that's one of the strangest understandings that I have ever even heard of.

At least that was only half of my usual Lantus dose they insisted on giving me. So, when saying that it was not due for hours yet--and I that I did not want or need it--did not work? I went ahead and took the shit rather than go completely ballistic at them, because at least that was unlikely to do any actual harm. Guess I'll take the other half when the next dose is actually due, and hope the dosing disruption doesn't fuck me up too bad over the next few days.

(Though at least that was not my entire daily Lantus dose they were screwing with. I regularly take it twice a day, to help keep things steadier. So, a few units hours early should hopefully not make much difference.)

But yeah, I'm glad that nurse in the pre-op and after recovery post-op section did have more of a clue, saw what was shooting my blood sugar up immediately, and stopped the IV before it just kept climbing. Several more units of insulin later, and I am just feeling like slightly reheated shit after that little roller coaster ride. It could have been much worse, but that shit kind of scared me anyway.

Also glad it really isn't a long procedure, other than all the waiting and extra rigmarole compared to just going straight into an endoscopy room like I was doing before they decided to do this instead. They thankfully didn't have that long to pump my insulin-deficient ass full of liquid sugar.

Though, I did end up stuck for longer in the actual recovery room, getting glucosed up with no brakes, because the coughing from the intubation tearing up my throat triggered enough of an asthma attack this time when I did NOT have access to the inhaler I preemptively brought along after last time, that they ended up giving me this mask nebulizer treatment in there.

So much safer and better! 😒

But, I am finally home and now making some coffee.

And I am so glad that ordeal is over with for another month now. With some talk of shifting it to every 6 weeks after that. I really hope I don't get that same anesthesiologist again.

At any rate, I intend to be loud if I have to about NO FREAKING GLUCOSE. They were purposely not using it before.

[sleep-nurse]

last night i had really bad acid coming up when i was in bed and i just realised how the acid is slowly coming back like before i took 8 weeks of pantoprazole

my gerd will never disappear