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anubislover · 5 years

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Welcome to the Heart Pirates, Nami-ya Chapter 5: The Masks We Wear

“You are, without a doubt, the most arrogant asshole I’ve ever met!” Nami screamed, her voice echoing down the steel hallway. Most of the crew had taken cover in any room they could find—things had been tense ever since the sunburn incident over a week ago, everyone walking on eggshells waiting for Law’s inevitable revenge. They all knew it wouldn’t be right away; the man liked to take his time, meticulously planning while his victim was lulled into a false sense of security, thinking he had forgiven and forgotten. There was already a large betting pool on what would happen and when, with theories ranging from her waking up to a room full of organs to being forced to wear a skimpy nurse uniform.

Most were silently praying for the latter.

Across from her, Law glared, arms crossed and knuckles white as a small vein popped in his neck out of frustration. They’d been arguing for nearly ten minutes, and for a man who was used to having his orders followed immediately and enthusiastically, it was quickly growing wearisome. “And you’re the most infuriating little witch I’ve ever encountered. I’m not even asking much; it’s completely within your skillset.”

“Like hell it is! You’d have more luck convincing me to wear your crew’s stupid jumpsuits!”

“And deprive my men of seeing you prance around in practically nothing? Morale would tank.”

She crossed her arms, scowling. “Then we agree; I’m not doing it.”

“Our agreement was that you work for me; that means you listen to my orders and carry them out, no arguments.”

“I absolutely never agreed to the ‘no arguments’ part.”

“All I’m asking is for you to pull your weight by using your skills as the Cat Thief to assist me in a little infiltration job. Or do you not know how to act like a lady?” he taunted.

She bristled at the insult but refused to take the bait. “I already pull my weight; I help Bepo with his maps, guide you through storms, and do my share of chores.”

“I’ll concede to the first two, but I know you’ve been conning the men into doing your cleaning.”

She didn’t even try to stop the pleased smirk from curving her lips. “I can’t help it if they feel like being gentlemen by taking on some extra mopping so I can dedicate my time to more important matters.”

“And you thank them by stealing their wallets.”

“It’s no secret I’m a thief; they should know better than to let their guards down around me. Consider it training; you said I shouldn’t let my skills degrade, and a pretty face like mine could be their downfall if they don’t smarten up.”

“That’s the only reason I haven’t removed your hands for it, Nami-ya,” Law replied sourly. “That being said, I’m ordering you to stop stealing from them. It’s not nice to take advantage of your crew.”

Infuriated, she jabbed him in the chest. “They’re not my crew! We’re in a temporary alliance, and I’m fine working with them, but I’m a Straw Hat! Get that through your pigheaded-skull!”

A hand shot forward, grabbing her wrist and pulling her close to Law’s tall, imposing form. “For all intents and purposes, until the year is up, you’re a Heart Pirate. I said when you first arrived, I intend on making the most of having you on my crew, and I meant it.” Arguing was getting him nowhere, so he quickly changed tactics. A shiver ran up Nami’s spine as he leaned close, hot breath ghosting over her sensitive ear and neck. “You’re stealthy, clever, beautiful, and one of the best burglars on the Grand Line. I can’t imagine a better partner. With our combined skillsets, a job like this should be both easy and extremely profitable. I just need your help searching the place for some classified documents once the party’s in full swing.”

A hint of pink dusted her cheeks at his flattery. “Documents?”

“Inside the main study is a safe full of Marine codes, reports on the various atrocities they’ve caused in the name of ‘justice,’ names of soldiers infiltrating pirate crews—all things that go for millions of belli on the black market. Besides that, our target is known for having expensive tastes. Bejeweled trinkets, high-end art, gold statuettes; the man’s loaded.”

Nami couldn’t help it; belli signs flashed in her eyes at the thought of getting her hands on that treasure. Law’d said he had a big job planned, and clearly, he wasn’t kidding.

It was clear that he had her attention, so the Dark Doctor pressed on, voice dropping an octave to seductively murmur, “And that’s just the study. Imagine all the rich pockets you could pick at the party. Far more profitable than my crew, and anything you manage to steal on your own is completely yours; I won’t even demand a cut.” Brushing his free hand across the sleeve of her borrowed shirt, he added, “I was even generous enough to buy you a new dress for the occasion, since you’ll need to look the part of a rich doctor’s lover.”

As much as she hated it, she was wavering. When he’d first proposed—or more specifically, ordered—she escort him to a party as his date, she’d refused on principle. But damn, after only a month, he was starting to figure out her weaknesses, and right now, money was a big one. She had very little to her name on the ship; most of her clothes were borrowed from Ikkaku, and while they’ve made port a couple times, she hadn’t been able to get much beyond the essentials. So the idea of having fresh, wealthy victims and an outfit of her own that she didn’t even have to pay for was tempting indeed.

Too bad she knew pirates like him didn’t do anything for free.

Ignoring the overwhelming heat of his proximity and her natural greed, hazelnut eyes met his hooded gaze suspiciously. “What’s your real game here, Law?”

To his credit, his lazy grin didn’t falter. “Maybe I just think it’ll be amusing to watch you force yourself to shower me with love and adoration all night.”

Nami didn’t buy it for a second. Beneath the sharp scent of soap and antiseptic, she could smell a con. “And who, exactly, owns the house we’ll be infiltrating?”

The confident expression finally slid off his face. “Baron Harpin Gerald, former Head of Intelligence for the Navy.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“He’s over 70 years old—far past his prime.”

“Whitebeard was 72 and still considered the Strongest Man in the World! Garp’s even older and he can throw cannonballs like baseballs! And do you really think a couple of pirates won’t be recognized at a former Marine bigwig’s gala? Especially one of the fucking Supernova?!” she shouted, trying to pull away for the certified madman who’d managed to rope her into service.

Not budging or releasing his hold on the slippery thief, he stated, “Lucky that it’s a masquerade ball, then. A good mask, some temporary hair dye, and no one will suspect a thing. Besides, no pirate would be brazen enough to walk right into the lion’s den.”

“You mean stupid enough.”

“And here I thought you’d enjoy making a little extra cash.”

“I like staying out of jail more. Besides, I’ve seen what your powers can do; you don’t even need to attend the party!”

Gold eyes narrowed in annoyance, though she got the sense it wasn’t fully at her. “On that scale, everyone with eyes will notice a mysterious blue bubble springing up out of nowhere, and someone is sure to raise the alarm,” he countered. “The other problem is that the safe is made out of Seastone—that means my powers are useless, and even touching the damn thing weakens me. So, I need a more traditional thief by my side as back-up.”

Realization hit her like Luffy’s Gum-Gum Bazooka. “You’ve tried to rob him before, haven’t you?”

“Once, about six months ago. Far from a success, though at least the injuries were minimal and he never found out who got past his defenses.”

She frowned. Now it definitely made sense why he wanted to infiltrate the masquerade, but she was still skeptical. “How do you even plan to get us in? If this party’s as fancy as you say, there’ll be a guest list, invitations, at the very list some kind of ID check at the entrance to keep the riffraff out.”

Law reached into his jean pocket, drawing out a shiny, embossed invitation. “Then it’s a good thing Dr. Goodheart Adrian M.D. and his plus-one have already RSVP’d.”

“You really think they’ll fall for a fake invitation?”

“I sent Uni ahead to switch out the guest list with an updated version. Bribed a servant to let him take his place. He sent me a message this morning that he was successful, so we’re in.”

“Like anyone would believe you’re a real doctor.”

“I am a real doctor—I wouldn’t have been able to save Mugiwara’s life if I weren’t,” he said pointedly.

Nami winced. There was that painful reminder of exactly how much she owed this man and that, whether she liked it or not, she was obligated to follow his orders for the sake of their deal. The whole plan sounded absolutely insane, but it was still a plan—far more than she was used to on her own crew.

And she really needed the money. Not just for shopping; being so poor again brought back too many painful memories of her childhood, of being poor and watching Bellemere eat nothing but mikans so her kids would have enough to eat. Of putting aside the majority of her haul after every job, counting down the days until she’d have enough to buy back her village. Of watching those shady Marines destroy the mikan grove, hauling away her stash so Arlong could keep her forever. Treasure was more than just shiny coins and cute outfits to her—it was a safety net, something she clung to as tightly as a child might a security blanket.

Money could keep monsters at bay, and now that she was stuck on a ship with the Surgeon of Death, that fact was more prominent than ever.

So as much as she wanted to refuse and wipe that smug glint from his eye, she knew he had her backed into a corner, where the most she could do was give in gracefully.

At long last, she sighed, “My dress better have pockets.”

XXX

Though she generally preferred casual clothes, Nami appreciated expensive things, and the gown Law had gotten her definitely screamed “money.” The gold satin overdress, embossed with darker gold leopard spots, draped over her curves magnificently, cinching tightly at the waist with a black and gold belt; the bottom had an under layer of stiff interfacing, allowing it to flare out like a ballgown without the need for tulle or petticoats while concealing a daring slit where she could slip her ill-gotten goods into the many hidden interior pockets or expose the pale flesh of her leg as a distraction. The plunging neckline was nearly to her sternum, and the long, billowing sleeves hid her signature tattoo. It was more like an extremely fancy robe in its design, and underneath was a skintight, black, spaghetti-strap bodysuit much better for sneaking around in, her Clima-Tact strapped to her thigh. A string of pearls and matching earrings completed the look—it wasn’t quite as fancy as what she was sure other women would be wearing, but it was what she had, and it was less conspicuous than going unadorned. If she were lucky, maybe she’d have the opportunity to swipe something better off a drunk heiress.

“I can’t believe I agreed to this,” the Cat Thief grumbled as she carefully applied eyeliner. A long, dark purple wig covered her orange hair, the loose, elegant curls pinned away from her face with a few barrettes inlaid with pearls, letting the rest cascade down her back like a midnight waterfall. Ikkaku had given her permission to use as much of her makeup as needed, and with a bit of contouring and highlighter, Nami could hardly recognize herself.

“I can,” the engineer chimed from her bed where she’d been studying the mansion’s blueprints. She and the rest of the crew were tasked with causing a number of diversions throughout the island that would draw away the guards and authorities, giving the pair inside the perfect opportunity to sneak away to the study. “He made you an offer you couldn’t refuse. Honestly, I’m kind of jealous.”

“What, you want to be Law’s girlfriend for the night? Because I’m willing to trade.”

“Hell no—last time we tried that cover, I couldn’t keep a straight face. Nearly tanked the whole plan. But it’s cute how far he’s willing to go to get you on his side. It’s even funnier that you pretend you don’t like it.”

Nami snorted, brushing on some mascara, pleased with how sultry the fanned-out lashes made her almond eyes. “I don’t like it. He’s a creep, and Luffy’s rival, and I’m still waiting for the day I wake up on his operating table, heart and liver and kidneys on display and ready for sale. Or for him to sell me wholesale to the highest bidder.”

Shaking her head, Ikkaku replied matter-of-factly, “He wouldn’t do that to you unless you really tried to fuck us over. Like, there was one guy who joined up not long after me who tried to sell Bepo to some slavers—Minks go for a lot at auctions. Captain’s not usually one for cold-blooded torture, but he made that bastard suffer. Last we saw him, the guy was in pieces being shipped off to separate corners of the four Blues.”

She shuddered at the image, though she couldn’t bring herself to fault his reaction. The more she got to know Bepo, the more she wanted to protect him, too, and from what she’d gathered, the bear was one of Law’s oldest and closest friends. “Now that I believe, but are you seriously not afraid of him? You’ve seen what he can do, and while he’s not as bad as I thought, you can’t tell me all of his reputation’s government propaganda.”

“Why would I be? Even if he was as ruthless as the papers say, Captain Law takes care of his crew. Plus, I’m indispensable around here, and I grew up with four older brothers, so I know a thing or two about how many buttons I can push before I’m in any real trouble.” She smirked, as if she’d just discovered a big secret. “You’re not scared because you think he’ll actually slice you up—otherwise, you wouldn’t backtalk him so much. What you’re really afraid of is the fact that you’re not at the top of the food chain anymore.”

It gutted her that her friend wasn’t wrong. Though Luffy was captain, from the get-go Nami had basically been the one who ran the ship, bending the others to her will with either her feminine wiles or her fists. And while she certainly had most of the Heart Pirates wrapped around her finger, she didn’t like that Law had real power and authority over her while her usual threats and tactics had minimal effect on the cool captain. “It’s far from the only reason, but yeah, it doesn’t help. Don’t get me wrong—you’ve all been super nice and accommodating—but I’m not exactly a trusting person. And Law’s way more…I guess intimidating is the best word to use, than Luffy ever was. So I’m not going to be joining the guy’s fan club anytime soon.”

“Fair, but just give Captain a chance, yeah? He might surprise you.”

Before she could argue that she wanted absolutely no surprises from the Surgeon of Death, there was a knock at the door, the raps against the metal quick and precise.

“Seems someone’s here to pick you up for your date,” Ikkaku sing-songed.

Hazel eyes glared at her bunkmate as she got up to answer the door. “It’s not a date, and if you call it that again, you’re gonna find out why exactly why I’m Head Bitch in Charge on the Sunny.”

Steeling herself, Nami smoothed down the stiff fabric of her gown, determined to treat this night with the same level of professionalism Law used in the infirmary. A few hours of acting, looking pretty, and sneaking around, and then she could plan her next shopping spree. And despite his arrogance and innuendos, she was sure Law would take this just as seriously—after all, it was his plan, and the payout affected the whole crew. He knew what he was doing, and with the amount of thought and care he put into crafting this elaborate scheme, there was no way he’d risk it by pushing her buttons. Perhaps the night wouldn’t be a total disaster.

Those reassuring thoughts flew out the window into the ocean depths to probably be eaten by a sea king the moment she opened the door.

“Please tell me that’s not your disguise.”

Looking down at himself, the Dark Doctor’s brow furrowed. “I see nothing wrong with it.” Admittedly, he looked good; midnight blue hair, including his goatee and sideburns, was dyed black, and he’d put in grey contacts to cover the distinctive gold. His suit was sleek black satin, the knee-length, high-collared coat cutting a rather dashing figure. The vest was black and gold brocade, shiny gold buttons and matching watch chain adding a little extra flare. In his hand was a polished mahogany cane with a silver handle shaped like a bird’s skull, and Nami wondered if it was secretly a sword like Brook’s.

Yes, she could admit Law looked very handsome, but it was a shit disguise. For god’s sake, he was still wearing his hat!

“You think some colored contacts and dying your hair is enough to fool people?” she said, exasperated. “You’re a Supernova; your wanted poster’s one of the most recognizable this side of the Grand Line. You didn’t even bother to cover up your tattoos!” she shrieked, pointing at his hands.

He seemed genuinely surprised at her criticism. “You think I should wear gloves, then?”

Nami could have screamed. She’d expect that kind of answer from Zoro or Luffy, not a man who prided himself on his intelligence. Grabbing his arm, she dragged him into the room, pushing him down into the chair by the mirror and snatching off his hat, tossing it onto her pillow. His lanky figure looked almost comical in the too-small seat, long legs sticking out awkwardly. “Stay there. You’re going to wear gloves, but if you need to take them off for some reason, we want those things covered.” Squeezing out some foundation into her palm, she mixed it with some bronzer until the shade matched his skin tone. “Hold out your hands.”

“I don’t care for being ordered around, Nami-ya,” he growled in warning. “Keep it up, and you’ll regret it.”

“Well, I don’t like the idea of getting caught and thrown in jail because you didn’t think the Marines would be suspicious of a guy with DEATH tattooed on his fingers.”

Though he didn’t look happy, he conceded her point, hands steady and still as she applied the makeshift concealer. Definitely the hands of a surgeon, she thought, admiring his natural control. It was comparable to her own when she picked a lock or drew a map; not so much as a tremor, even when under intense scrutiny. Pleased that the black ink was sufficiently covered, she quickly spritzed on some setting spray and finishing powder, hoping the foundation wouldn’t rub off inside the gloves.

Inspecting his face, she then tilted the captain’s chin up, dabbing some concealer under his eyes.

“The fuck are you doing, woman?” he snapped, jerking his head back as if she’d slapped him.

“Covering up those massive bags under your eyes.”

“The hands were one thing, but I’m not letting you put makeup on my face. Besides, I like the world knowing that I’m tired of its shit and ready to kill at any moment.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s totally the mindset of a respectable, non-pirate doctor,” she sassed, jutting out her hip in annoyance. “It’s not like I’m turning you into a drag queen; just covering up some of your more recognizable flaws.”

His brow twitched at the insult. “I’ll be wearing a mask, so why does it matter?”

“You can still see under your eyes, and they might make you take off the mask at check-in. Are you really willing to risk your ‘perfect’ plan because your fragile male ego can’t handle a little cover-up?”

“Oh, just listen to her, Captain,” Ikkaku chimed from her bunk, the Cheshire cat grin on her face declaring to them both that she was mostly getting involved for her own amusement. “Nami’s the infiltration expert here, and you’re the one who insisted she come with you. Just suck it up.”

“You’re fired,” he snapped, pointing at her sternly as he once more dodged Nami’s attempt to dab him with the sponge.

“You’ve fired me six times since I joined, and I’ll tell you the same thing I always do—get rid of me, and Shachi’s the most qualified person to touch up your tattoos. You want that?”

Law shuddered. “Fine, you’re not fired, but you’re on kitchen duty for a month.”

“Eh, fair enough. Now be a good boy and let Nami tart you up.”

His glare could have melted steel, but he stopped resisting as the navigator carefully covered up the proof of his insomnia. Nami had to admit, she was impressed; Ikkaku hadn’t been kidding when she said she had no fear of the Surgeon of Death. It was also nice to see someone else backtalk him, as most of the time the Heart Pirates seemed to worship the very ground he walked on. It made her feel less like the enemy.

As the dark circles disappeared, she had to admit, she kind of missed them. Even though they could make her tired just by looking at them, they were distinctive and a major part of his normal appearance, and he just looked so different without them. Younger, maybe, and less mysterious.

Normal. Boring. Just…not Law.

Sensing her scrutiny, he raised a dark eyebrow. “Something on my face, Nami-ya? I mean, besides the makeup.”

Suppressing a blush at having been caught, she replied, “Just trying to figure out if you need any highlighter or lipstick. I’ve got a lovely flamingo pink—”

“Try it and Mugiwara-ya will have to find a new navigator,” he snarled, the hard look in his eye and the openness of the threat sending a shiver down the spines of both women.

Not willing to risk her life just to embarrass a man, Nami backed away, hands raised in surrender. Relieved that he wouldn’t be subjected to any more of her powders or creams, Law inspected himself in the mirror, lips twisted in a grimace as he studied the difference it made to his face. Nami couldn’t tell if he was more annoyed at the indignity of it all or the fact that she’d clearly been right, but grey eyes flicked to his messy black hair.

“I guess the hat did clash with my outfit, huh?”

“To say the least.”

Without a word, he grabbed her hairbrush and began combing it back into something a bit neater and more respectable, even as Nami groused, “Don’t use my things without asking.”

“Fine. May I use your brush?” he asked, not even glancing at her as he kept brushing.

“No, you may not,” she snapped petulantly.

“Oh, dear. Whatever shall I do, then?” he chuckled, tossing it back on the vanity, smirking at her grinding teeth. His mood was infinitely improved now that he was back in control, and while Nami appreciated not having to worry about being dismembered, a minute part of her wished he’d go back to sulking. “Best get that anger out now, Nami-ya. Once we’re on the island, it’s all smiles.”

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

Getting out of the chair, he smirked down at her, pleased to once more have the height advantage so he could both figuratively and literally look down on the Straw Hat thief. “No, I’m enjoying this. What I’ll love is watching you try to keep that cute little temper of yours in check while we’re in public.”

“Asshole.”

“Only for you, sweetheart.”

A small vein throbbed on her temple. “Call me sweetheart again and there won’t be enough makeup on the Grand Line to cover up the bruises I’ll give you.”

“What an abusive girlfriend I have. I hope you at least kiss them better.”

“You wish. And if you’re going to be this much of an absolute prick all night, I’m charging you ten million belli per hour.”

“You want me to pay you to be my date? I wasn’t aware prostitution was part of your repertoire.”

“Congratulations; it’s now fifteen million.”

Ikkaku eagerly watched their back-and-forth like a particularly intense tennis match, grinning the whole time.

She didn’t feel particularly sorry for her captain or her roommate; both knew what they were getting into, provoking the other like that. No, she pitied the poor party guests, who had no idea what kind of unholy terror they were about to face.

Ah, to be a fly on the wall.

XXX

Tokken Island was one of the lushest and most beautiful little islands on the Grand Line, but the majority of the land was owned by Baron Harpin, forcing the port town to desperately cling to a jagged shard of the coastline while his enormous mansion and manicured grounds dominated the rest. Luckily, there were plenty of rocky outcrops and sea caves ideal for hiding the Polar Tang, and after teleporting his crew into position, the well-dressed pair made their way through the town.

“And why couldn’t you have Shambled us there or whatever it is?” Nami groused as she nearly stumbled for the third time. She was an expert at maneuvering in high heels, but that didn’t mean she was immune to the inherent dangers of cobblestone streets, especially ones so torn up.

Law chuckled as she finally accepted his proffered arm for support. The stubborn woman had refused to endure and physical contact with him until absolutely necessary, but it seemed the threat of a broken ankle before they could even get to the mansion had finally won her over. “My abilities take a lot of energy, and I’d rather save it in case we need to make a quick escape. Besides, I don’t want people getting suspicious if we pop up out of nowhere.”

She grumbled under her breath that he was probably doing it just to annoy her, even if, logically, he had a point. Wrapping her arm around his bicep for balance, she was finally able to turn her attention from the uneven road to the state of the town itself. Only about half the lanterns were lit, and what illumination they did give didn’t paint a very pretty picture.

The houses were run-down, roofs thatched haphazardly and some windowpanes packed with paper or rags instead of glass. The shops weren’t much better off, the display windows showing off rough-looking fishing supplies, underripe fruit, and cheap clothing. Only a few people were out, most looking worn-out or underfed, and those that didn’t stare at the pair of well-dressed pirates with envy watched them with hunger.

“If the Baron’s so wealthy, why’s the town in such a sorry state?” she wondered aloud. “I mean, just setting up this gala should have brought plenty of business to the port. Docking fees, restocking supplies, even sailors picking up cheap souvenirs—”

“There’s a private dock on the mansions’ grounds that he uses for deliveries and the like,” Law answered, barely sparing a glance at a skinny woman hoarsely calling out to passersbys, a basket of small trinkets thrust out towards them. “None of his business comes to the town—plus, he owns most of the farmland, so any crops are considered his property. All that’s really left is fishing, and the guy’s notorious for hating seafood, meaning these folks are shit out of luck.”

Biting her lip, Nami looked towards the woman again, freezing as a small child, yellow hair tied in twin pigtails down her shoulders, poked her head out from behind her frayed skirts. The little girl looked marginally less skinny than her mother, and without even thinking, the thief broke away from Law to inspect the woman’s wares. It appeared to be mostly jewelry—nothing particularly fancy but in the warm light of a nearby streetlamp she could tell it had been carefully made with decent materials.

“What are you doing?” Law hissed, looking around to make sure they weren’t drawing too much attention—most of the Baron’s guests wouldn’t lower themselves to pass through the slums like this, but he’d didn’t want to take any chances. That, and he wasn’t entirely sure there weren’t villagers desperate enough to try and mug them. He’d rather avoid a fight this early in the evening, and he didn’t want to get his nice, new suit dirty.

Ignoring him, she picked up a simple gold chain with a pendant made of four gemstones. They were beautifully polished, the marquise-cut purple tourmaline the color of the sky at sunrise. Their arrangement was reminiscent of Polaris, or perhaps the compass on her maps. “This is lovely,” she commented. “Is it locally made, or imported?”

The woman hastily explained, “My husband was once the Baron’s personal jeweler. He made beautiful pieces, but they were too simple for the Baron’s tastes. He wanted to impress lady callers, and demanded gaudier jewelry without providing the proper materials,” she said sourly. “My husband got sacked, and I’ve been trying to sell these off for a while. The necklace is 6000 belli on its own, or you can make me an offer for the set?” she said hopefully, indicating the matching ring and earrings in the worn basket, their delicate star designs winking in the dim light.

Immediately Nami could tell this woman hadn’t had any luck for a long time. The quality of the gems alone showed she was drastically underpricing the pieces. It was doubtful anyone in town could afford luxuries like jewelry, and if the Baron monopolized all the outside business at his own port, she probably never even saw other potential clientele. She was probably only even trying her luck now out of desperation. After all, you can’t eat gold, and with a small child to care for, any amount of belli would do.

“It would look really pretty on you,” the little girl murmured politely, large, purple eyes watching her in wonderment. Nami was certain she was the closest thing to a princess the child had ever seen, dressed in finery and on her way to an exclusive party at the glorious mansion on the hill. A real-life Cinderella, something out of a fairy tale she’d use to comfort herself on cold, hungry nights.

Nami had certainly been in those shoes, long ago, and she’d never been able to turn her back on a child in need. Her eyes were even the same color as the tourmaline in the basket.

Well, damn, she thought with a rueful smile. Poor kid could use a fairy godmother. Or at least a Cat Thief.

Pulling a black leather wallet out of her cleavage, she said, “I’ll take the set. How does 30,000 belli sound?”

Law’s jaw dropped as his eyes widened in recognition, immediately patting his pockets to confirm his suspicions. Coming up empty, he glared bitterly when the saleswoman replied, “Tha-that’d be perfectly fine!”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Law grumbled as Nami pulled out some bills, handing them over with all the care of a woman who was fine spending money that wasn’t hers.

The thief matched his glare, tossing him the wallet. “What kind of boyfriend wouldn’t lavish his lover with jewelry?” she huffed, giving the child staring at her with blatant adoration a conspiratorial wink.

“What kind of girlfriend pickpockets her lover’s wallet?” he countered, checking the contents to make sure he was only out 30,000 belli. Satisfied that the rest of his cash was safely in place, he glanced at the little girl, his scowl faltering as his eyes fell on the awestruck face of the little girl. Quickly, his gaze darted back up to the woman who wronged him, glaring like a basilisk.

Fluttering her eyelashes, Nami replied, “The kind who knows just how generous her lover is,” she quipped before turning back to the jewelry seller to collect her purchase. For a moment, a pair of gold barrettes inlaid with clear stones—possibly diamonds, again in the marquise cut—caught her eye, but she knew better than to swipe Law’s wallet twice in one night. So, reluctantly, she only took her purchase, patting the little girl on the head in farewell. When the kid bobbed a curtsy in response, Nami couldn’t hold back her giggle, returning the gesture.

That kid’s going to have one hell of a story to tell her friends tomorrow, she thought cheerfully, jogging slightly to catch up with Law, who’d been less than the image of a handsome prince by storming off up the road without her.

Joining her date, she rolled her eyes in exasperation at the dark scowl on his face. Even without his hat, his black bangs cast ominous shadows over his eyes. He was walking even faster now, and she had to work to keep up with his long strides. It was petty, petulant revenge against the woman who had dared to get the better of him. “Are you mad that I took your wallet, or that you didn’t even notice?” she taunted lightly.

Even from the corner of his eye, his hawk-like glare made goosebumps rise across her shoulders. “I’m mad because you wasted our time and my money,” he snapped. “I already bought you your dress, mask, and wig. My ‘generosity,’ as you put it, has its limits.”

“I’ll pay you back,” she ground out, refusing to feel guilty for her actions. That little girl’s smile had been well worth the price of Law’s irritation, but she also knew she had to appease his anger if they were going to pull off their grand scheme. When he scoffed, she added reluctantly, “With interest.”

“Why’d you even bother?” he asked, indicating the jewels in her hand.

Pulling him to a stop under one of the streetlights, Nami switched her original earrings out for the bejeweled ones. “It’s for the cover. I’m supposed to be a rich doctor’s arm-candy, and my boring pearls would have looked way too simple, especially with this dress. With these, I’ll blend in better.”

“You could have just stolen them.”

She frowned at him, genuinely offended. “I steal from pirates and rich idiots who can afford it. Did you see that woman? I’d bet all the treasure on the Sunny that any money she got went to feeding her kid. I’m not going to even haggle with someone in that kind of situation.” A soft, sad smile graced her lips. “My mother did that. Claimed she was on a diet when she really couldn’t afford to feed all three of us.”

There was a moment of silence as she turned away from him, hoping to collect herself before she started bawling at the memory of Bellemere’s sacrifices. Silently, she thanked her adopted mother, willing back the stinging sensation of tears forming behind her eyes. Ruining her makeup before they even arrived at the gala would do them no good. Besides, Law would probably have some kind of smart-ass comment about it.

The refusal to let her temporary captain see her so weak, she brushed away her sadness to focus on her new jewelry. Slipping on the ring, she admired how it gleamed under the warm lamplight. It was a tad too big, fitting most comfortably on her middle finger, but she found the style suited her. She might even wear the set on a night out sometime; maybe to celebrate tonight’s success. Assuming the plan didn’t go to shit, that is.

She jumped when he finally responded, “I hate to say it, but that does look good on you.” When she turned her head, she couldn’t fight the sudden blush that spread across her cheeks. Worryingly, she couldn’t tell if it was due to his sudden, intimate proximity or the small, appreciative smile lifting his lips. Such an expression seemed too gentle for the famed Supernova, and yet she found she rather liked the way it softened and relaxed his features. “You’re surprisingly soft-hearted for a pirate, though.”

“Shut up,” she grumbled, struggling to maneuver the tiny clasp through her thick wig. Suddenly having so much hair was a real pain, and she wondered how she’d ever manage if she grew her own hair out. Short was more practical, after all, and looked cute on her to boot.

“Here, let me help,” his smooth voice whispered in her ear, and she felt her curls carefully gathered to rest over her shoulder. Nimbly, he took the necklace and fastened it securely around her neck. Tingles ran down her spine as the smooth leather of his black gloves brushed her bare skin, and the whole thing felt strangely intimate. Turning her around, Law studied his date. The pendant rested just above the dip of her bountiful cleavage, sparkling invitingly. “I’m pretty sure it’s still too simple for this crowd, but it works better than the pearls.”

Her reply was cut off by the curls she’d pinned up tumbling into her face, only to be swept back into place, secured by his deft fingers. He cupped her chin, appraising his work before nodding. Suspicious, because Trafalgar Law’s approval was never a good thing in her mind, she reached up to touch her hair, russet eyes widening when she felt gemstones instead of pearls. Head snapping back to look at the mother and daughter, her jaw dropped when she saw the little girl holding a wad of bills, beaming even more brilliantly than before while the saleswoman looked close to tears.

Turning to her partner in crime for the night, Law responded with a nonchalant shrug, though she could see his grey eyes soften as they lingered on the child excitedly waving back at them. “The pearl clips didn’t match the rest, and if we’re going to pull this off, we’d best go all-out. Plus, that cash’ll ensure their silence should they be questioned by the authorities later. I’d rather your kindness not get us identified.”

It was all very logical and well-thought-out and total bullshit. Nami had to smile as she once again took his arm, matching his easy gait as they made their way up towards the mansion. “Right. Because I’m the soft-hearted one.”

“You’re paying me back for those, too, by the way,” he quipped, smirking at her annoyed growl.

Before she could argue, he halted; the brilliant lights of the mansion were in sight, and small groups of well-dressed guests were gathering at the ornate front gate. It was time to stop being Cat Thief Nami and the Surgeon of Death Trafalgar Law, bickering pirates, and become a loving couple. Gently as a forest stream, Nami adjusted her body language, leaning comfortably against her partner, hand clutching his bicep possessively, face switching from a seething scowl to the deliriously happy grin of a woman pathetically enamored with her companion.

For his part, Law seemed to morph into his role just as fluidly, posture straightening into something more refined, his smile relaxed and charming; perfectly playing the part of a man who knew he was smart, good-looking, successful, and could easily use all that to get a woman as beautiful as the one on his arm.

Inside, Nami groused that he had the way easier acting job.

As they made their way up the mansion’s long, winding front path, crushing artfully sprinkled rose petals beneath their feet, Law slipped on a raven mask, the sharp beak curving over his nose and the shiny black feathers fanning out like little spikes over his cheeks and forehead. Nami was grateful she’d covered up his dark circles—the eye holes were definitely wide enough where they would have been distinctly visible.

In contrast, her mask was modeled after a cat, the color and leopard spots mimicking her gown perfectly. It flawlessly concealed the upper half of her face, while the large eyeholes showed off her beautiful eyes and wouldn’t block her sightline too badly.

Approaching the doorman, Law handed over their invitation, smirking when the servant checked it against the guest list before nodding, ushering them both inside. Another servant led them down an extravagantly decorated front hallway. The doctor hadn’t been kidding when he’d said the Baron was an art collector with expensive tastes; masterpieces in gold frames hung along the walls, marble statues and painted porcelain vases were displayed on opulent pedestals, and even the crimson rug beneath their feet was luxuriously soft.

Nami had to briefly bury her head against Law’s shoulder to hide the belli signs that sparkled in her eyes.

Eventually, they reached the ballroom, and as they waited to be announced, Law affectionately brushed his lips across her hair. “Ready for some fun?” he murmured, his tone affectionate but the hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips screamed of devilish intentions.

She mirrored his smile and tone, eager to line her pockets and relish in luxury for a while before the real job began. “Absolutely.”

As the ballroom doors opened, the servant next to them announced them to their fellow guests.

“Presenting Dr. Goodheart Adrian and his escort, Ms. Chaton Bellemere!”

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typingtess · 5 years

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A few tardy thoughts on "Hail Mary"

This is the nearly perfect stand-alone episode. A good case, funny interactions, solid action scenes and a great guest star. When this shows up on ION or Oxygen or USA some day when I'm doing laundry, I'm watching start to finish. CBS can rerun this episode on a Saturday night or over the holidays or next summer and it will work perfectly wherever it airs.

I liked Gerald McRaney's Adm. Kilbride in the tough, cranky old cold warrior role. This worked a lot better than the Sterling Bridges edition two seasons ago. For a show that went years with almost no recurring characters, Kilbride was an early addition and one of the best.

"What the hell is that, a catchphrase? You sound like a bad '60s cologne ad. Now I'll tell you what I know, Sparky: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder can wear sunglasses indoors. Everyone else looks like an ass. And the way you're holding that revolver proves to me that you've never even fired it….You can't shoot that thing one-handed. Not with those pipe cleaners. I've seen bigger arms on Somali pirates." – America's cranky Arakady, Adm. Kilbride.

A few nitpicks:

This is the second female U.S. Navy officer to be kidnapped since season eight's holiday episode. While I guess it is "progress" that she was kidnapped for her background and not to make the man in her life unhappy, maybe diversify the kidnapping pool.

Eric is going to be gone for the next six or so episodes. Maybe that could have been set up. It takes away from the perfect "stand alone" aspect of the episode but some set up here would have been nice.

What happened to Adnan? That was never quite explained. Did Conklin have something to do with Adnan's death?

Who is Conklin, really? And is he coming back? There are possibilities there.

#NCIS: Los Angeles #NCIS: LA #NCIS Los Angeles #ncis la

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sleepyskunk · 7 years

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List of movies / 2017 Movie Trailer Mashup

P A R T O N E

0:08 - War for the Planet of the Apes

“What are you waiting for?” - Lars Eidinger in PERSONAL SHOPPER

0:10 - Geostorm

0:12 - The Greatest Showman

“We made this oath. Whoever died first would send the other a sign.” - Kristen Stewart in PERSONAL SHOPPER

0:14 - Annabelle: Creation (double shot)

0:16 - A Ghost Story (double shot)

“A sign. Have you, communicated with spirits before?” - Lars Eidinger in PERSONAL SHOPPER

0:18 - The Blackcoat’s Daughter

0:19 - Wind River

0:20 - Ghost in the Shell

0:22 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

0:23 - War for the Planet of the Apes

“It was quiet, for all these years.” - Miranda Otto in ANNABELLE: CREATION

0:26 - It (double shot)

0:29 - Hangman

“We all knew, something was very wrong.” - Holly Earl in LOVING VINCENT

0:31 - King Arthur

0:32 - The Beguiled

“I saw something.” - Jaeden Lieberher in IT

0:34 - The Devil’s Candy

0:35 - Annabelle: Creation

0:36 - Get Out (triple shot)

“A clown. Yeah, I saw him too.” - Jack Dylan Grazer in IT

0:39 - Lavender

0:41 - A Cure For Wellness (triple shot)

0:44 - The Circle

“You know there’s a sickness. Stops them seeing the truth.” - Vanessa Redgrave in THE SECRET SCRIPTURE

0:46 - Thelma

0:48 - The Secret Scripture

0:49 - Jackals

0:50 - Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women

0:51 - A Cure for Wellness

“There’s something, calling them all here.” - Aaron Poole in THE VOID

0:52 - Annabelle: Creation

0:53 - Mother! (double shot)

0:55 - Flatliners

“Shhh. That’s not me.” - Shae Smolik in THE HATRED

0:56 - The Hatred

1:02 - Mother!

1:03 - It

1:05 - Annabelle: Creation

1:05 - Personal Shopper

1:06 - Polaroid (triple shot)

1:08 - The Bye Bye Man

1:09 - It Comes At Night

1:10 - Berlin Syndrome

1:10 - Wish Upon

“Mister Policeman. You could’ve saved her.” - Jonas Karlsson in THE SNOWMAN

1:11 - Jigsaw

1:11 - Rings (double shot)

1:13 - Happy Death Day (double shot)

1:14 - The Devil’s Candy

1:15 - Jigsaw (double shot)

1:16 - The Lego Ninjago Movie (double shot)

1:18 - The Snowman (triple shot)

1:20 - Flatliners (double shot)

1:21 - The Shape of Water (double shot)

1:22 - The Belko Experiment

1:23 - Breathe

1:23 - Brigsby Bear

“Make it a wonderful day!” - Edie Inksetter in IT

1:24 - Justice League

1:25 - Kidnap (double shot)

1:26 - Collide

“At the end of the day, people are out for themselves.” - Adria Arjona in THE BELKO EXPERIMENT

1:27 - Good Time

1:27 - Gerald’s Game

1:28 - Wind River (double shot)

1:30 - The Belko Experiment

1:31 - The Devil’s Candy (double shot)

1:33 - King Arthur

1:34 - Split

“Death always wins.” - Matthew McConaughey in THE DARK TOWER

1:35 - Ghost in the Shell

1:36 - The Void

1:37 - Paint it Black

1:40 - The Snowman

1:41 - The Mountain Between Us

1:43 - Blade Runner 2049

1:44 - The Shape of Water (double shot)

“We all float down here.” - Jackson Robert Scott in IT

1:50 - It

P A R T T W O

1:56 - Baby Driver

1:59 - The Boss Baby

1:59 - Despicable Me 3

2:00 - Baywatch

2:01 - Ingrid Goes West (double shot)

“Congratulations.” - Aubrey Plaza in INGRID GOES WEST

2:03 - Logan Lucky

2:04 - Going in Style (double shot)

2:06 - Catfight (double shot)

2:06 - Kong: Skull Island

2:07 - A Fantastic Woman

2:07 - The Square

2:08 - Brawl on Block 99

2:10 - The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature

2:11 - All Eyez On Me

2:11 - Detroit

2:12 - CHIPs

2:13 - How To Be a Latin Lover

“This doesn’t put an end to shit, you f*cking retard, this is just the f*cking start. Why don’t you put that on your ‘Good Morning Missouri’ f*cking wake-up broadcast b*tch .” - Frances McNormand in THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI

2:14 - Pitch Perfect 3 (double shot)

2:16 - The Disaster Artist

2:18 - Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

2:22 - Fist Fight

2:23 - Suburbicon

2:23 - T2 Trainspotting

2:24 - Song to Song

2:25 - My Name is Emily

2:26 - Raw (double shot)

2:28 - Patti Cake$

2:29 - A Bad Mom’s Christmas

2:30 - Girls Trip

2:30 - Tragedy Girls

2:31 - T2 Trainspotting

2:32 - Rough Night

“Come on, man.” - Armie Hammer in FREE FIRE

2:32 - Free Fire (triple shot)

2:35 - First Kill

“I got you all wrong, didn’t I? You got me just right.” - Bel Powley and Tye Sheridan in DETOUR

2:36 - Kingsman: The Golden Circle (double shot)

2:37 - Wolf Warrior 2

2:38 - Detour

2:39 - Geostorm

2:40 - War for the Planet of the Apes

2:41 - Wonder Woman

2:42 - The Great Wall

2:43 - American Assassin

2:44 - Thor: Ragnarok

2:44 - Spider-man: Homecoming

2:45 - Monster Trucks (double shot)

2:47 - The Mummy

2:47 - Baby Driver (double shot)

2:49 - xXx: Return of Xander Cage

2:50 - Baby Driver (double shot)

2:52 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (triple shot)

2:57 - Ghost in the Shell

2:58 - John Wick: Chapter 2

2:58 - Transformers: The Last Knight

2:59 - The Dark Tower (double shot)

3:01 - Transformers: The Last Knight (double shot)

3:02 - Logan

3:02 - Alien: Covenant (double shot)

3:04 - Wonder Woman (double shot)

3:05 - The Fate of the Furious (quintuple shot)

3:08 - The Mummy (double shot)

3:10 - John Wick: Chapter 2

3:10 - Sleepless

3:11 - Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (double shot)

3:12 - Renegades

3:12 - Colossal

3:13 - Okja (double shot)

3:14 - Baby Driver

3:15 - Ghost in the Shell

3:16 - Outrage Coda

3:17 - Captain Underpants

3:17 - Okja

3:18 - Saban’s Power Rangers

3:18 - The LEGO Batman Movie

3:19 - The LEGO Ninjago Movie

3:20 - The Emoji Movie

3:21 - Atomic Blonde

3:22 - Spider-man: Homecoming (double shot)

3:23 - Blade of the Immortal

3:24 - Thor: Ragnarok (triple shot)

3:25 - Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

3:26 - Justice League

3:26 - Cars 3 (double shot)

3:28 - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

“Jesus Christ! What happened to the seatbelt rule?” - Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson in THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD

3:29 - The Hitman’s Bodyguard (quadruple shot)

P A R T T H R E E

3:38 - Golmaal Again

3:40 - A Dog’s Purpose

3:40 - Realive

3:42 - Kedi

3:43 - My Cousin Rachel

3:44 - Downsizing

3:45 - The Snowman

3:46 - Fifty Shades Darker

3:47 - Leap!

3:48 - The Greatest Showman (double shot)

3:49 - Tulip Fever

3:50 - Split

3:51 - Wonder Woman

“Whatever you do, do it carefully.” - Vicky Krieps in PHANTOM THREAD

3:52 - The Book of Henry

3:53 - The Devil’s Candy

3:55 - Hounds of Love

3:56 - Loving Vincent

3:57 - XX

3:58 - All The Money in the World

3:59 - The Bad Batch

4:00 - Lady Macbeth

4:01 - Victoria and Abdul

4:02 - Phantom Thread

4:03 - Polina

4:04 - Coco (double shot)

“I always told you, you were special.” - Ana de Armas in BLADE RUNNER 2049

4:08 - The Killing of a Sacred Deer (double shot)

4:09 - Jungle

4:11 - Leap! (double shot)

“Because you have something she can only dream of.” - Carly Rae Jepsen in LEAP!

4:13 - The Greatest Showman (triple shot)

4:16 - The Limehouse Golem

4:17 - Battle of the Sexes (double shot)

“Without our passion, it’s very hard for us to find our place in the world.” - Ken Stott in 100 STREETS

4:19 - I, Tonya (double shot)

4:21 - Molly’s Game (triple shot)

4:23 - Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women

4:24 - Worlds Apart

4:26 - First Kill

“If we may find a city, where one was considered impossible to exist, it may well write a whole new chapter in human history.” - Charlie Hunnam in LOST CITY OF Z

4:27 - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

4:28 - Alien: Covenant

4:29 - The Lost City of Z

4:30 - Dunkirk

4:33 - The Battleship Island

4:35 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

4:36 - War for the Planet of the Apes

4:39 - Kong: Skull Island

4:40 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

4:41 - Dunkirk

4:43 - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

4:44 - Life (double shot)

4:46 - Only The Brave

4:48 - Menashe

4:49 - Before I Fall

“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp.” - Sienna Miller in LOST CITY OF Z

4:50 - American Made

4:51 - The Promise

4:52 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

4:53 - The Dark Tower

4:54 - Saban’s Power Rangers

4:55 - Blade Runner 2049 (double shot)

4:57 - Kong: Skull Island

4:59 - All the Money in the World

5:00 - Stronger (double shot)

5:03 - Spoor

5:06 - Your Name

5:07 - Smurfs: The Lost Village

5:08 - The Odyssey

5:09 - Ghost in the Shell

5:11 - A Ghost Story

“I know this is a sacrifice for all of us.” - Charlie Hunnam in LOST CITY OF Z

5:14 - The Lost City of Z

5:16 - My Cousin Rachel

5:18 - Goodbye Christopher Robin (triple shot)

“I’d really like if you wrote a book for me. Should we go for a walk? Aren’t you working?” - Domhnall Gleeson and Will Tilston in GOODBYE CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

5:22 - The Zookeeper’s Wife

“Why’d you leave my mama? I got lost. But you found your way back, right?” - Abby Ryder Fortson and Alex Roe in FOREVER MY GIRL

5:23 - Worlds Apart

5:24 - Columbus

5:25 - Phantom Thread

5:26 - Darkest Hour

5:28 - Forever My Girl (double shot)

5:31 - Wonderstruck

5:32 - It (double shot)

5:33 - The Big Sick

5:34 - Darkest Hour (triple shot)

“If all of this stopped, even if I were dead, I’d miss it... And i’d miss you.” - Gemma Arterton in THEIR FINEST

5:36 - The Post

5:37 - Megan Leavey

5:38 - Murder on the Orient Express

5:39 - The Shape of Water

5:40 - The Man Who Invented Christmas

5:41 - Okja

5:43 - Table 19

5:44 - Their Finest

5:45 - A Kind of Murder

5:46 - Everything, Everything (double shot)

5:47 - The Florida Project (double shot)

“This is what life looks like. People who love each other. You still have time.” - Patrick Stewart in LOGAN

5:49 - The Children of Chance

5:50 - The Lost City of Z

5:51 - The Shack

5:52 - Goodbye Christopher Robin

5:53 - Call Me By Your Name

5:54 - Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri'

5:55 - Breathe

5:56 - Gifted (double shot)

5:58 - The Sense of an Ending

6:00 - Queen of the Desert

6:00 - Lady Bird (double shot)

6:02 - Beauty and the Beast (double shot)

6:04 - The Greatest Showman

6:05 - Wonder

6:06 - The Greatest Showman

6:06 - Coco

6:07 - Murder on the Orient Express

6:08 - The Shape of Water

6:09 - Darkest Hour

Edited by Sleepy Skunk ([email protected])

#2017MovieTrailerMashup

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junker-town · 5 years

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6 college basketball teams that could win their first national championship in 2020

Will college hoops have a first time national champ this year?

College basketball hasn’t seen back-to-back years with new national champions in almost two decades. That could change in a couple months.

Despite its well-established reputation for being unpredictable or “mad,” college basketball’s pool of all-time national champions might not be quite as deep as you’d think.

In a sport where, currently, 353 different programs compete, only 36 have ever captured the sport’s biggest prize: the NCAA tournament championship. Of those 36 programs, only 15 have won the Big Dance more than once.

The repetitive theme of college basketball’s national champions has been so consistent that it’s been nearly two decades since the sport has seen back-to-back first-time champs. That last happened in 2002 and 2003 when Maryland and Syracuse, respectively, cut down the nets. That not-so-recent history feels like it’s on the verge of repeating itself in a few months.

An incredible run highlighted by multiple seemingly impossible last minute victories defined Virginia’s first national championship in 2019. While the Cavaliers don’t seem like a realistic threat to reclaim their throne in 2020, a handful of the teams that have never sat in the sport’s most revered seat find themselves in prime position.

Here’s a quick rundown of the teams that appear to have the best shot at breaking through and capturing the first national title in their school’s history.

Baylor

You don’t have to search far for the first team on the list.

Baylor currently sits atop the AP top 25 poll for just the second time in program history, and has a resume that is currently unrivaled. The Bears have just one loss — a late collapse against Washington in a game that was played in Alaska during the first week of the season — and Quadrant 1 wins over Villanova, Kansas, Butler, Arizona and Texas Tech. The win over the Jayhawks, a dominant 67-55 performance on Jan. 11, was Baylor’s first ever inside Allen Fieldhouse.

The Bears check a number of the necessary boxes when you talk about the recipe for March success. They have a suffocating defense (No. 4 in adjusted defensive efficiency on Ken Pom), they shoot the ball well enough from the outside, and they have a star guard in Jared Butler who can completely take over a game if the situation calls for it.

A trip to the Final Four this season would be just the third in Baylor’s history, and the first during anything that might be referred to as a “modern era.” The Bears last made the national semifinals all the way back in 1950. Two years before that, they fell to Kentucky in the 1948 national championship game. Since then, Baylor has played in a regional final just twice (2010 and 2012).

Gonzaga

The only thing missing from Gonzaga’s ever-expanding profile as a national powerhouse is the program’s first national title. The Zags nearly got over the hump three seasons ago, but they fell to North Carolina in a 2017 national championship game destined to be more remembered for its questionable (and annoying) officiating more than anything else.

This probably isn’t the strongest overall team Mark Few has fielded in Spokane, but because of the landscape of the sport this season, it still might be his best shot at a national title. The Bulldogs are 20-1 thanks largely to the extremely versatile forward trio of Filip Petrusev, Killian Tillie and Corey Kispert. The guard play, headlined by breakout sophomore star Joel Ayayi, has been good enough, but still remains the biggest question mark as far as the team’s ability to beat six quality opponents over three weeks is concerned.

Dayton

The team that captured America’s attention with its play at the Maui invitational in November still has it as we begin to transition into peak bracketology season.

Dayton has just two losses this season, and both of them came in overtime on neutral floors against quality opponents (Kansas and Colorado). The Flyers also have a national Player of the Year candidate in Obi Toppin, a guard who can just go get a bucket when he needs to in Jalen Crutcher, and an overall offense that might be the most fun to watch of any in the country.

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Dayton’s lone trip to the Final Four came in 1967 when the Flyers made it all the way to the national championship game before falling to UCLA. Their only other regional final appearances came in 1984 and 2014.

Despite their (relative) lack of history and not playing in a power conference, Dayton regularly ranks among college basketball’s top 20 in attendance. The Flyers have a rabid fan base that is on cloud nine at the moment. That fan base would be awfully fun to follow during a UD run to the Final Four in March ... as would Obi Toppin dunking on everybody.

San Diego State

How about some shine for the nation’s only remaining undefeated team?

San Diego State received a grand total of zero votes in the preseason AP and coaches polls, and yet the Aztecs find themselves staring down February with a top five ranking (No. 4 in both polls) and an unblemished 20-0 record.

While running the table in the Mountain West likely won’t be enough to sell the casual college hoops fan on the notion of SDSU as a legitimate national title threat, the Aztecs do have enough meat on their resume to demand respect. They have non-conference wins over potential tournament teams in BYU (on the road), Creighton (by 31) and Iowa (by 10), and also a 28-point win over a Utah team that was coming off an upset of Kentucky.

San Diego State has been to the Sweet 16 just twice in program history (2011 and 2014), and has never played in a regional final. This would only make the Aztecs being the team to break the West Coast’s streak of 23 consecutive years without a national champion all the more incredible.

Florida State

This is the fourth consecutive year where Florida State basketball has been more of a national player than its football counterpart, which might be the greatest accomplishment of Leonard Hamilton’s lengthy coaching career.

The Seminoles are No. 5 in the AP poll at the moment. Their lone conference loss came on opening night of the season at Pitt, and their only loss since then was at Indiana on Dec. 4 in a game where FSU’s younger players seemed unprepared for their first true hostile road environment. Since then, Florida State has reeled off nine consecutive wins, a run highlighted by a 13-point road win over No. 6 Louisville.

Hamilton has a team with the size, athleticism and toughness necessary to give any team in the country fits on offense. He also has an experienced backcourt highlighted by senior Trent Forrest who can be trusted in the most crucial moments of a close game.

For all its success, especially over the last decade, Florida State is still a program that has been to the Elite Eight only three times and the Final Four just once. The ‘Noles run in the 1972 NCAA tournament ended with an 81-76 loss to UCLA in the national championship game. The closest they’ve come to getting back to the Final Four are their regional final appearances in 1993 and two years ago in 2018 when they took a gut-wrenching loss to Michigan.

Seton Hall

The hottest team in America right now might be the Seton Hall Pirates. They’ve won nine consecutive games since an embarrassing 68-48 loss at rival Rutgers, and are the only team in the Big East that has yet to take a conference loss (7-0). They also have a national Player of the Year candidate in Myles Powell who absolutely has the potential to go on a Kemba Walker-esque tear through March.

No team on this list has been closer to being off it than Seton Hall. The Pirates seemed seconds away from capturing the 1989 national championship before referee John Clougherty hit SHU’s Gerald Green with an extremely questionable foul call. That sent Michigan’s Rumeal Robinson to the free-throw line where he netted a pair of shots to make the Wolverines the team that claimed their first title.

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Not only has Seton Hall not been back to the Final Four since, but they’ve only been to the second weekend of the tournament three times since ‘89, and not once since 2000. At the moment, that streak of futility seems to be in extreme danger.

While those six teams seem like the most obvious contenders at the moment to break through for the first time, in a season like this where it feels like 30 percent of the teams in the sport could win it all, they certainly aren’t the only ones with a shot to claim their first championship.

Butler, which came oh-so-close in 2010 and 2011, has lost three games in a row but still has the makeup of a team that could get hot and go on a deep run. Bob Huggins has West Virginia (national runners-up in 1959) playing at a higher level than anyone expected heading into the season. Even with some recent slip-ups, Auburn and Texas Tech both have the potential to make it back to the tournament’s final weekend for a second straight year.

If your favorite team hasn’t won a national title and wasn’t mentioned here but they’re currently projected to at least have a shot at making the tournament, congratulations, they could probably win it all too.

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touristguidebuzz · 7 years

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Disney Cruises Have Big Fans Who Don’t Bring Along Children

Following The Walt Disney Company announcement to build two additional cruise ships earlier today, Disney Cruise Line celebrated with guests onboard the Disney Magic during a very special Sail Away Party. Chloe Rice / Disney Cruise Line

Skift Take: Disney’s cruise product is top notch, but we doubt you’d see adults tattooing themselves if it wasn’t for a life-long affinity for the larger Disney brand.

— Jason Clampet

Joanne and Gerald “John” Gerrity, the fifth-generation owners of a kielbasa shop in Nanticoke, Pa., booked their 100th Disney cruise in September. And no—they’re not sailing with young children. For that matter, they’re not sailing with children at all.

Their obsession started in 2000, when a customer told them about the cruise line. They had already taken the kids to Walt Disney World and thought it would be a fun family vacation—their kids were 13 and 14 at the time. But John wasn’t so sure. As Joanne recalls, “He took his pointer finger and shook it at me and went, ‘If I don’t have a good time, this is all your fault.’ ” Much to John’s surprise, they got hooked, sometimes taking their kids along for the ride, but sometimes not.

Now they often leave their kids in charge of the kielbasa shop and book back-to-back sailings, staying on a Disney ship for 20 days or more. “We don’t even care where we go with them anymore. We just open the brochure, book, and go,” said John, 54. “We’d do more if we could get the time off.”

The Gerritys are not alone. According to the industry website CruiseCritic.com—which is like TripAdvisor for seafarers—Disney Cruise Line gets higher average ratings from passengers without children than from those with them. (The company is immensely popular with both demographics.)

On the cusp of its 20th year of sailing, Disney Cruise Line has been around long enough to have megafans—even if kids who grew up sailing with the company have yet to get their first job out of college. So why do grown-ups have such a soft spot for Disney Cruise Line? “Quality. The quality is there, the food, the cleanliness,” said John. “The crew,” added Joanne, 53. “They are so friendly.”

All Ages Welcome

Disney currently runs four cruise ships, and three more vessels are on the way between 2021 and 2023. With an eventual total capacity of more than 21,000 passengers among the seven vessels—each carries between 2,700 and 4,000 tourists—the company is thinking beyond any one demographic. Industry insiders estimate about a fifth of adult passengers come onboard the ships without children, and they are a growing presence, especially on sailings in mid-September when children are recently back in school.

The first ship, the 2,700-passenger Disney Magic, debuted in 1998 with a unique family focus: It promised everything from extensive kids’ programming to a dining scheme that allows you to eat in a different restaurant every night (so that youngsters don’t get bored), but with the same waitstaff for familiarity.

Disney’s strength, however, is catering to all members of the family—and therefore all ages, according to Ozer Balli, the line’s vice president of hotel operations. Several ship features are designed to give parents time off, such as an adults-only pool, upscale spas, nightclubs, romantic restaurants, and after-hours lounges such as the popular Champagne bar Pink on the 4,000-passenger Disney Dream. But they play well with other grown-ups, too.

Select “Port Adventures” are reserved for adults, such as a Bacardi rum tour in San Juan, Puerto Rico. On Castaway Cay, Disney’s pristine private Bahamas island, a patch of beach is reserved for those aged 18 and up, and a 5-kilometer run is popular with adults. Others are attracted by the tug-at-your-heartstrings, Disney-centric musicals or the first-run movie showings in digital 3-D. Some even say they’re in it for appearances by characters such as Disney princesses, superheroes, and, of course, Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

“The character meet-and-greets are great because the lines are generally shorter than in the parks,” said Heidi Leppert, 35, who lives near San Diego, frequents Disneyland, and recently took her first Disney cruise. “So if you want to get your picture taken with Mickey or Minnie, you may only have to wait in line for 10 minutes.” Her husband, Jason Leppert, 33, founding editor of the website PopularCruising.com, has now sailed with Disney 10 times and is a fan of the AquaDuck water coaster on the Disney Dream and its sister ship Disney Fantasy.

Model Behavior

But wait. How are Disney cruises relaxing when you’re surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of screaming kids?

“We get asked that question,” said Joanne Gerrity. “Neither of us is bothered by them. It’s not the kid anyway—it’s the parent who’s the problem.” John, her husband, added, “On Disney Cruise Line, the children are generally better behaved than they are on some of the other lines. I think they are more content with the kids’ program.”

There are also kids-only and adults-only areas. “They keep them separate,” said John. “We don’t find we have any trouble with that; probably not as much as anywhere else you’d go, like in a public restaurant.” Plus, the Gerritys don’t drink alcohol and don’t care that there ’s no casino onboard Disney ships. Typically they ’re in bed by 10 p.m.

Joanne added that she and John enjoy watching interactions between the crew and the kids onboard, especially in the dining rooms. “They come along and cut their food. They hug them. It’s really warm to watch that,” she said.

Channeling Your Inner Child

“What I usually tell people is if you’re an adult and the idea of going to the parks is horrible to you, then you might not like the Disney cruise,” said Heidi Leppert, the lover of character meet-and-greets. “It’s going to be in the same genre.” But if you want to get that feeling of stepping on the ship and feeling like a kid again, the same way you do when you ’re going to the parks, then a Disney cruise is great.

“There’s a subculture of adults who, like us, have these great feelings about going to Disney,” she said.

That includes David and Laura Valovcin. After petting snow dog puppies in Skagway, Alaska, the pair were about to try their hand at gold panning on a shore excursion off the 2,700-passenger Disney Wonder.

“We’re big kids when it comes to this,” said David, 40, who works in information technology for Nasdaq. On his third Disney cruise, he was sporting a Donald Duck T-shirt and cap.

“We’re Disney fans,” said Laura, 37, a schoolteacher on her fifth sailing with Disney Cruise Line. “We also visit the parks at least once a year, and I think we just love the experiences they offer.”

Among the experiences the Lepperts and Valovcins would recognize from the parks are giant smoked turkey legs, served on Pirates in the Caribbean night. The show after dinner would ring a bell, too: a lively deck party comes with fireworks and an appearance by Jack Sparrow and Captain Hook. While kids may don hats and eye patches, some adult passengers go in full pirate regalia. “It’s fun to watch,” Heidi said.

Unsinkable Ratings

Even among premium cruise lines, Disney claims some of the industry’s highest ratings. It’s consistently lauded for quality and attention to detail, said Colleen McDaniel, senior executive editor of Cruise Critic. In February, the website’s 2017 Cruisers’ Choice Awards honored Disney with eight first-place honors—outranking traditionally high-end brands such as Celebrity and Princess cruises in the mid-sized and large ships categories, and taking top nods for its shore excursions, service, and cabins, among other things.

Innovative adult programming, McDaniel noted, takes place both on the Disney ships and off, but conceded that Disney fans are likely to have the most fun among passengers on the ships: “You can’t escape the Disney elements onboard—Mickey, the princesses, the movie-themed entertainment—but why would you want to?

As they ready for their 100th voyage, the Gerritys certainly have no desire to sidestep the Disney magic. After one particularly memorable cruise, when the high school sweethearts celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary, John had a tattoo inked on his upper right arm featuring the cruise line’s red, white, and blue logo, complete with Mickey Mouse head.

“I said to Joanne, ‘What can we do to thank the crew?’ There ’s just so many of them you can’t give them anything. Then I was watching a TV show about the military guys getting tattoos for their units and I thought, ‘There you go.’”

With an admitted aversion to needles, John said he’s nonetheless happy he got the tattoo. “Everybody wants to take a picture with it,” he said. “It’s a big hit.

This article was written by Fran Golden from Bloomberg and was legally licensed through the NewsCred publisher network. Please direct all licensing questions to [email protected].

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johannestevans · 6 months

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Got both of your paperbacks as a gift for myself and have just devoured Gerald Poole and the Pirates in one sitting and found it probably one of the most delightful things I've held in my hands recently.

Thwaites' playfulness and casual teasing and flirting had me head over heels, especially in the moments when it was aimed directly at Jack. Although I'd have loved to read about the two of them getting to share Gerald, I gotta say—the fact that it wasn't included leaves my mind stewing in thoughts that I do enjoy very much.

And on another note, the way you wrote the relationship between Thwaites and Cotton struck a cord with me that I didn't expect to be touched at all, and all I can say, really, is that it felt extremely refreshing ❤️ In a similar way, I don't think I've ever felt as seen as when reading about Gerald being so eager to learn and work. I don't think I've ever read a protagonist quite like this—I know he's written with ADHD in mind, and maybe it's just that, but it's still a funny kind of feeling to see a character with the same things going on with them as me. I always think I can never feel that again while reading, and time after time I'm proven wrong, each time with a different thing.

Either way, I'm very happy that I got Heart of Stone at the same time because this one left me starved for more of your stories, and I'm definitely keeping an eye out for any possible other paperbacks of yours! For now, Gerald Poole is immediately going on the special bookshelf, and I expect Heart of Stone will soon follow :)

Gerald Poole and the Pirates on TheStoryGraph / / Heart of Stone on TheStoryGraph

Thank you so so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

I definitely do plan to do some more with these four horrid bastards in the future, especially doing a bit more plotty piracy stuff when I get around to it, so there will be some more things in future - Thwaites is such a fun character for me, and especially his platonic and mostly asexual dynamic with Cotton that's so full to the brim with love and care, but also, like.

Being crotchety old men with one another.

I am hoping to finish another paperback in the second half of this year, which will be Powder and Feathers, so fingers crossed! <3

#musings #gerald poole and the pirates

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evenaturtleduck · 6 months

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Percy inhaled, and he looked from Gerald to Thwaites and Cotton and Wicks, and then back down at him. "Gerry, not that I'd ever doubt you," he said, fixing Gerald's collar although Wicks had fixed it quite firmly in place, "but this is an actual kidnapping, and not some sort of strange sex game you're playing with these men, is it?"

"Oh, good," said Thwaites. "I see you know Mr. Poole's proclivities quite well."

I would die for Gerald Poole.

(said Jack Wicks probably)

#gerald poole and the pirates #johannes t evans #favorite books

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johannestevans · 1 month

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"Wait, you write books?"

Yeah, a few. So I have hundreds of short stories, serials, and essays available on my Medium and my Patreon, but I have several books out too!

Powder and Feathers

DARK ROMANCE, CONTEMPORARY FANTASY, FALLEN ANGELS, TRANSMASC PROTAG, ALCOHOLIC PROTAG, BPD PROTAG, FOUND FAMILY, TRAUMA RECOVERY, RAPE RECOVERY, EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, ROUGH SEX & KINK

Aimé Deverell, a depressed and lonely artist finishing up his degree in Dublin, watches the world go by, and paints it as it goes. Life is short, he thinks - and thank God!

He’s tired of living it.

That philosophy shatters like glass when his life is threatened by the beautiful Jean-Pierre, a Fallen angel.

Reviews on GoodReads / Reviews on TheStoryGraph / Buy on Amazon / Buy on SmashWords

Heart of Stone

COZY ROMANCE, SLOWBURN, SLICE-OF-LIFE, PERIOD FANTASY, VAMPIRES, ADHD PROTAG, AUTISTIC PROTAG, VAMPIRE BITES, INTIMACY, EMPLOYER & EMPLOYEE

The year is 1764, and following a glowing recommendation from his last employer, Henry Coffey, vampire, takes on a new personal secretary: young Theophilus Essex. The man is quite unlike any secretary - or any man, for that matter - that Henry has ever met.

Reviews on GoodReads / Reviews on TheStoryGraph / Buy on Amazon / Buy on SmashWords

Gerald Poole and the Pirates

NOVELLA, PERIOD ROMANCE, ROMCOM, THREESOME, KIDNAPPING, POWER DYNAMICS, ADHD PROTAG, AUTISTIC PROTAG, TEASING, HUMOUR

Gerald Poole, a young Englishman, is miserable when he is dispatched abroad aboard a naval vessel, and is reluctantly attended to by the cold and put-upon Lieutenant Jack Wicks - this tense relationship is interrupted and put under pressure when the two are kidnapped by pirates.

Reviews on GoodReads / Reviews on TheStoryGraph / Buy on Amazon / Buy on Smashwords

---

And again, if you're a book reviewer or blogger who is low/no income and would like me to send you voucher codes to get any of these for free, just reach out to me at [email protected]

No expectation of a positive review and/or a deadline put on reviews!

#musings #writers on tumblr #gay romance #gay pirates #gay vampires

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johannestevans · 2 months

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Last day for 75% off on gay books, including my first novel, a slowburn romance between an ADHD vampire and his autistic secretary, and my new release, a fucked-up and darker romance between a trans BPD fallen angel and a human!

Buy here!

HEART OF STONE is a sumptuous and extremely slowburn romance between Henry Coffey, a lonely vampire with ADHD, and his extremely buttoned-up and autistic secretary, Theophilus Essex. Set in the 1700s and with a heavy emphasis on slice-of-life and mutual respect.

POWDER AND FEATHERS is a darker romance between Jean-Pierre, an assassin, revolutionary, and doctor, who has experienced countless traumas. He's obsessed with power dynamics and happily manipulates Aimé, the depressive artist he finds in the park, who learns to hold his own.

GERALD POOLE AND THE PIRATES is a silly and light-hearted novella - this is a gay threesome dynamic between a deceptively worldly young gentleman, the naval lieutenant assigned his reluctant protector, and the dashing and dastardly pirate captain who kidnaps them both.

DIVINE SERVICE is a short fantasy novella with gay vibes. Halloran, a servant in a big house, reluctantly embraces his destiny as a new god after meeting his divine father; meanwhile, Godfrey Digbett III is trying desperately to escape his own destiny, not to mention his family.

THE MERMAID AND THE FISHERMAN is a short one-shot erotic novella - a trans man isolates himself on the coast and finds himself both studying and studied by one of the curious mermen that lives nearby. The two of them satisfy each other's appetites.

#musings #original fiction #writers on tumblr #gay fiction #gay romance

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johannestevans · 9 months

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My Top Stories for 2023!

In case you missed ’em: these were my most popular works of fiction and non-fiction of the year!

It’s very nearly 2024, and it’s been a big year for me!

I’ve published so many short stories and new essays, I had a great time at EasterCon and BristolCon, and have published pieces with several new (for me!) publications on top of moving into my new apartment. I’m now based in Yorkshire instead of Ireland, and that means I’ll be attending a bunch more conventions and other events across Wales, Scotland, and England as well as still going back to Ireland from time to time.

Firstly, as a big thank you to all my supporters and to ring in the new year, I’m currently doing an end-of-2023 giveaway! Sign up here!

On 01/01/2024, I’ll be drawing a winner of the giveaway, and they’ll receive by post / mail signed copies of my paperbacks, Heart of Stone and Gerald Poole and the Pirates, vouchers for my eBooks, some badges, and some other goodies that will be contained in the parcel.

Secondly, I wanted to remind people who’ve had a little bonus or gifted money and want to treat themselves that as well as being able to subscribe for access to all reader-locked works on Medium, by any authors, for $5 USD, I have a Patreon where I publish almost all my works (barring those that might be against Patreon guidelines, of which there currently aren’t many), there is an option to pay annually on Patreon!

You can subscribe to me monthly on Patreon for access to my works at £3 / £6 / £10.50 / £17 per month — there’s no difference in the benefits of these tiers, just that you can choose to support me with a subscription for what you can afford.

If you subscribe annually on Patreon, you get a 16% discount on what you would ordinarily pay monthly, and you get full access to everything for the duration of the year’s subscription!

With that intro done, let’s get to my top 24!

My Top 12 Fiction Pieces of 2023

January 2023 — Erotic Short: Running the Table

A trans man is the favourite pocket on the pool table.

Rated E. Cis M/trans M/cis M. 4k. Featuring consent play with a prenegotiated rape roleplay, object insertion (not sanitary, not safe, just sexy), double penetration, begging, tears, size difference, age difference, lots of anal play, belly bulging.

Jock and Phineas first appeared in Centre Pocket, where Jock initially makes the threat of the pool balls.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon / / Read on Ao3

February 2023 — Erotic Short: Fresh Bounty

A bounty hunter takes a young wizard to the king’s court.

1.7k, rated E, cis M/trans M! Power play with a lack of negotiation, but fully consensual enthusiasm for it, cockwarming, threatened overstimulation, D/s, implications of public use, and sex on horseback!

CW for a mention of it in dirty talk, but no animals are actually abused, harmed, or looked on sexually.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

March 2023 — Erotic Short: Purpose-Built Toy

A stretchy supervillain goes up against five huge superheroes.

3.2k, rated E. Trans M/5 alien Ms with alien cocks. There is absolutely no redeeming plot features in this, it’s just horrible unrealistic porn with lots of come inflation, objectification, humiliation, and belly kink.

There are several consent issues in this fic, where the trans guy is basically being turned into a fucktoy for these aliens without anyone asking how he feels about it — with that said, he’s really into the whole thing, and absolutely does not want to opt out.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon / / Read on Ao3

April 2023 — Erotic Short: Slime Breeder

An elf is used as a distraction as his party fight a gigantic slime.

3.5k. A trans masc elf getting fucked from all ends by a giant slime creature, used as a seedbed by it, then played with by his variously gendered friends in the aftermath.

Mildly to very dubious consent here, but Sam is absolutely enjoying himself by the end of it — featuring a giant slime monster, aphrodisiacs, tentacle sex, encasement, choking, oviposition and egg-laying, cumflation, overstimulation, anal, oral, and vaginal penetration, objectification, lactation, milking. All that fun and beastly stuff!

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon / / Read on Ao3

May 2023 — Erotic Short: The Mermaid and the Fisherman

A wanderer meets a mermaid, and the two of them work to understand each other.

This short is also available for purchase on Smashwords as an eBook, and is originally from September 2020.

7.3k, rated E, M/M. A young man fleeing home has taken up residence in an old fishing cabin on the west coast of Scotland. He is observed, very closely, by a mermaid from beyond the maerl beds nearby.

Featuring cultural differences, humour, oviposition, cervix penetration, mild chem sex from the mermaid’s aphrodisiac, some rough sex, some mildly dubious consent, stuffing, belly bulge.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

June 2023 — Erotic Short: Agony and Ecstasy

An abbot takes a stranded sailor on for… personal duties.

6k, M/M, rated E! Age difference, virginity kink, some naivety, some oral and anal, first time enthusiasm.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

July 2023 — Erotic Short: The Stasis Box

A prisoner is frozen in time with his holes still accessible for the crew of a mining vessel to use.

5k, rated E, trans M/cis M but hundreds of other people. A trans twink agrees to be involved in an experiment in lieu of his year-long prison sentence — he’s placed in a stasis box, frozen in time, with his holes still accessible for the crew of a mining vessel to make use of.

This is honestly one of the most fucked-up things I’ve ever written, it goes big on the sci-fi body horror fucky horniness.

Full consent is given throughout, the twink knows what he’s in for. Featuring medical kink, fingering, anal and vaginal fingering and sex, sensitivity, time stop, big overstimulation, mind-break and ahegao, objectification, huge come inflation, gaping, come vomiting, general degradation.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

August 2023 — Erotic Short: The Interview

A workplace roleplay with age difference and some hearty degradation.

Rated E, 4k, cis M/trans M. Younger boss/older prospective employee, pre-negotiated roleplay, degradation and humiliation, daddy kink, nipple play, PIV, riding, sex in the office, casual sex, bareback. The older man is fat, but none of the degrading language is about his body or his size except for commenting on the size of his chest — the degradation primarily is about his age and assumed loneliness.

Words used for the trans man’s body are tits and chest, one comparison to a cow’s udder; cock, cunt, hole.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

September 2023 — Erotic Short: Training Toy

A cheerleader loans out his favourite toy to the football players.

3k, rated E, trans M/many cis M. Continuing on from Stuck.

A cheerleader trains up another student to be a good fucktoy, and shares him out to local football players — featuring D/s, multiple orgasms, mild bimboification vibes, training, multiple penetration, degradation, objectification, anal, vaginal, and oral, big penetrations.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon / / Read on Ao3

October 2023 — Erotic Short: A Gift For the Wolfmen

A young man in a brothel is invited to join a quartet of hulking wolf-like warriors.

6.4k, rated E. Two trans men, both being gangbanged by four cis wolfmen with huge cocks.

Fantasy universe with adventurers and so forth. Featuring stuck-through-wall and grope boxes, body writing, vaginal, oral, and anal play, huge come inflation, size difference, knotting, power dynamics, virginity kink, objectification and dehumanisation, degradation, humiliation, breeding kink, body modification, mentions of lactation and pregnancy, and enthusiastic consent throughout.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

November 2023 — Erotic Short: Confession and Penance

A priest takes a hands-on approach to addressing a worshiper’s poor working habits.

11k, cis M/M, rated E! Tiernan, a manipulative workaholic who only ever relaxes during Mass services, is taken aside by Father Mullen when it all gets to be a bit too much. D/s, BDSM-approach to enforcing self-care, spanking, painplay, bit of a priest kink but it doesn’t go into that aspect too much, faith. Also some anal.

Note that by definition consent’s an issue here because this is the very definition of religious abuse, especially because Tiernan is a CSA survivor and references past CSA by another priest. Content warnings for the religious abuse and references to the CSA throughout, as well as dubious consent in other sexual situations. For all that, though, the tone is generally light-hearted and is more dark humour than dark drama.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

December 2023 — Erotic Short: Knight Tactics

An elf serves as a distraction and an exhaustion tactic for a bandit camp. By letting them fuck him.

3k, trans M/loads of cocks, assumed as cis M. Amaethon gets himself stuck in a wall so that the bandits will work out their stamina fucking him rather than fighting off the king’s guard.

Stuck in wall, free use, fully (and gleefully) consensual whilst pretending he isn’t, mild belly bulging and come inflation, gaping, exhaustion, messy and come-spattered, etc. All the fun stuff.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon / / Read on Ao3

My Top 12 Non-Fiction Pieces of 2023

January 2023 — Fast “Who am I?”: A Fun Game to Play with Friends

A silly fun game to play rapidly with your friends and loved ones in 2023.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

February 2023 — Our Flag Means Death S01 E01: Close Textual Analysis

Examining OFMD E1: Pilot in close detail and liveblogging/analysing the text.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon / / Read on Ao3

March 2023 — Ringing The Devil’s Doorbell: A Light-Hearted, Practical Guide

Let’s talk sex! Vulvar and vaginal stimulation for fun, pleasure, and profit.

Contents:

Preface

The Anatomy of the Vulva and Vagina: the actual anatomy of the vulva, it and the vagina’s attendant parts, and how everything fits together

On Testosterone: the effects of testosterone as a HRT treatment on the vulva and vagina in the context of sexual pleasure

(I don’t have any specific advice in regards to different intersex configurations or further genital and hormonal diversity, but that section might nonetheless be semi-relevant; there’s also some notes on vaginal atrophy that might be relevant if you’re menopausal or similar)

Stimulating the Vulva and Vagina: ringing the Devil’s doorbell, dancing about in his vestibule, and then running into (then out of) (then into) (then out o — ) his house

Additional Reading: more resources and links

Read on Medium

April 2023 — The Precarity of Subscription-Based Income

We’re basically busking online. No wonder we have anxiety about it.

Read on Medium

May 2023 — The Straight Male Gaze on Pretty Male Gays

How does it feel when straight men want to fuck us?

A quick little intro — I went ham on this one. I watched A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge and it just gave me a lot of feelings.

Warnings throughout this piece for discussion of the film’s gore and violence, the homophobia both in- and out- of universe, sexual violence, homophobia in general. I use a lot of slurs in this one because I self-identify with a lot of them, and a lot of this piece is about the ways in which queer identity is weaponised and not weaponised against us.

Bon appetit.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

June 2023 — Passing Privilege: Through My Eyes, as a Trans Man Who Passes

Second puberty and the waves we send through the spaces around us.

On Medium / / On Patreon / / On Tumblr.

July 2023 — Yentl: A Trans Man Studying Talmud is Distracted by Gay Thoughts

Yentl (1983, dir. Barbra Streisand) and Yentl the Yeshiva Boy by Isaac Bashevis Singer.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

August 2023 — Barbie Isn’t Anti-Men — It’s Anti-Toxicity

Patriarchy does damage to us all, and Barbie (2023, dir. Greta Gerwig) clearly depicts that.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

September 2023 — Close Reading: A Deep Dive into the Process

An in-depth guide into applying analysis to a piece of text and extrapolating meaning.

A close reading is what we call an in-depth analysis of a piece of text, which might be in the case of fiction a short story, or for novels and novellas might be a portion or an extract from the text.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

October 2023 — Looking For 🍑🍆💦: A Beginner’s Guide to Grindr for Trans Men

Approaching Grindr (and cruising culture) as a trans man.

Read on Medium

November 2023 — As a Trans Man, Why Do Doctors Always Want to Get Me Pregnant?

I’m so tired of fielding questions about my “lost” fertility.

Read on Medium / / Read on Patreon

December 2023 — Uncling Duties

A selection of conversations with my friends’ cats, Kira and Bercow.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

#musings #original fiction #nonfiction #writers on tumblr

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