#glad people are actually talking about him lole....

[jayferet]

urbanspook when you tell him using csa for shock value doesn't inherently make his horror series good

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

RWBY V08E05 - Amity

Amity! A return to the adventures of RWB? With no Penny sadly. I doubt we'll get so many visual puns again but who knows, maybe they'll make friends with Whitley or at least have a cordial chat with him without killing each other. I have no idea, so let's do this!

Wow, great start. Poor Pietro, got copypasted there with no regard for his feelings.

I'm very glad I was wrong about no Penny.. Even if every second she's on screen increases the chances of something bad happening to her.

Why does the HUD look like someone used the wand from photoshop to extract it from a white background?

Wait, are they going to blow up the Dust to launch amity into space?

Penny is right, that doesn't seem like a good idea but it's also incredibly in-character for the show. Now even caves are a gun.

Someone at Rooster Teeth really likes the idea of little old ladies riding huge robots, and honestly? Can't disagree.

hmmmmmmmm not a big fan of pietro at the moment

oof, my heart

Maria continues to be the voice of wisdom. Sadly, I doubt Pietro is going to listen to her.

In the original tale Pinocchio ends up learning by making bad choice after bad choice. Penny doesn't seem to have that much in common with her inspiration but if she hasn't ever been able to make a choice at all, would it be surprising if the first time she makes a choice it ends up being a bad one? It wouldn't surprise me if this is setting her up to fly away from Amity (against Pietro's wishes) once she notices something went wrong with everyone else (making her vulnerable)

Welp.

look at that poor girl

Aaaa, that's the same expression she used when Ruby said Penny was still the Protector of Mantle. "my feelings don't matter, conceal, don't feel, don't let them kn— wait, never mind

but yeah, she's used to putting everyone ahead of her (because as a robot she supposedly doesn't know better, there's a reason that was her first thought when she was talking with Winter in last season)

aw poop

Cinder was moving so fast she left her shadow behind.

Great deranged expression and voice though. Did she bring both Neo and Emerald or just the latter?

Penny yes

Hey, 9 blades! For a second I thought they wouldn't remember that she lost one.

no, no, no, time for what? aaaaa

Now that we have more context, Cinder using her own experiences to know where to hurt people is * chef kiss *

Intentional reference to the PvP fight?

okay, I didn't expect badass Maria to actually fight using her robot but I blame my own lack of imagination

now I'm hyped, it also gives something the other two something to do.

I think the main problem here for the good guys is that if Pietro gets threatened there's no way Penny is not going to surrender. Although, maybe he gets kidnapped? That'd make him get "swallowed" by a whale... hm. Another possibility is that they threaten Pietro and Penny gets hacked "just in time"

you can't lie to me, subtitles, I know she was going to say bitch

lol at crashing the entire ship into maria to get her out of the way

bad mistake to hurt one of Penny's friends in front of her

Did anyone give a job to poor Emerald? I can almost see Cinder telling Neo to distract people while in the ship with Emerald sitting in the back seat trying to get noticed.

C'mon Neo, leave the old lady alone

…of course she wouldn't leave her alone, she's Neo, she likes playing with her victims

I wonder if Neo has a deeper plan than "killing this old lady while looking like her protege would be incredibly cruel and extra and therefore worth doing"

If the drifting was an accident, where did Emerald go?

waiting for the RWBY shmup

I understand why she's leaving Amity (to prevent their fight from destroying it by accident) but leaving Pietro alone feels like a bad idea.

…this HUD is a lot cleaner, I don't get it, it should be the same png overlay

anyway, took the screenshot to write "wow, Cinder is actually capable of thinking through her rage these days, good for her" but now that I think about it, I'm not sure if she's ever been fooled.

booo

I wanted more evil Ruby

Also, I'm literally loling at Maria yoda-ing Neo.

ah yes, neo, so graceful

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

mmmmmmm

mmm

oof, looks like that was a direct hit. And the worst part is that the second James hacks into Penny, I assume it'll will work that way. Probably her worst nightmare.

Yeah, no, this worked for spiderman because his nemesis wasn't right in front of him.

I like the idea of this shot but for some reason the execution looks weird. Maybe it's just awkward positioning, it's hard to tell the angles.

lmao

* cough *

I mean, yeah, saw that coming.

For a second I thought she was melting her face but then I remembered the one reason Cinder has that arm.

I'm going to need a diagram to know what Emerald was doing.

Yessss, no need for swords if you can make your own

I really need to know what she was doing inside because right now it feels like that was the worst excuse ever to get her out of the fight until the last possible second (and maybe make it another reference to PvP when Ruby exits the corridor?)

Did she finally see Pietro?

Emerald has so much faith in Cinder, sigh

I wonder if before the end of the show Neo will get to stab someone with her umbrella. Maybe it could even be Cinder

First time she gets knocked out?

Cinder with a long spear only means one thing. Someone is getting stabbed

Huh.

I hadn't thought about this until now but before this second I'd have said Emerald's semblance shouldn't work on Penny. Like, what part is she affecting to make Penny see the duplicates? But I guess it does work, somehow. Maybe reality gets processed through Aura.

Fire spear vs laser, who wins?

Giant laser wins

Glad that Penny is confirmed as the most powerful character in the show.

Poor Emerald, two lines this episode and they are both "CINDER"

Damn, she looks done with their crap.

And now she looks absolutely feral. Loving this.

I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. If she gets hacked now, Cinder still wins. She wouldn't get the maiden powers but at least she'd stop the transmission.

aaaaa

Emerald breaks my heart. So much love for someone who couldn't give a hoot about her.

At least Cinder seems to know her place with Salem, but I can't tell if she started like Emerald and got her love beaten down or if she just had different priorities after getting saved from what seemed similar circumstances.

Ah, Neo. Now to add to her resume that she beat a granny only because she got distracted.

oh, shut up, Pietro

Is this it? Is this where Penny "rebels"?

Even after all that fight, I think this is the best animation of the episode so far. It conveys so much resignation and annoyance.

I think this is the first time this season RWBY makes me teary-eyed. She finally said it!

This is too cute for this world.

Remember when I said that hug with Ruby felt like a goodbye? Well, this is much worse.

Wooo, she succeeded! (I hope, they did mention the message was a couple of minutes long)

But I'm also even more worried now because it feels like the one last thing she had to do.

They are back!

I wonder if the one character I miss the most will also get a shot.

Pensive Whitley? more likely than you think

He has a lot of potential, especially now that Salem -> Cinder -> Emerald are a thing, making cyclical abuse more of an explicit theme. Not sure if there's enough time to do him justice though, considering he's not much of a character.

"we don't want to reveal Vacuo yet, what do we do?" "put them in the desert"

Yessss, Ilia got a cameo!

Are they pulling her back from voiceless purgatory?

Holy shit, wow, really didn't expect to see her.

Literally a pet. I wonder where the hound falls in the hierarchy

...why is she so happy? She's not supposed to be happy!!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

yeah

was expecting this

Poor guy, I wonder if this is the first news he gets from her daughters.

Taiyang made me realize they didn't show Yang's team. Huh.

Oh, fuck you rooster teeth.

Fuck oofffff (RT, not you, Pietro)

Is Winter end up doing the right thing? She's obviously affected by seeing Penny's sword there.

Also, I wonder if her new armor is just that or if it's a bracing system to help her move so soon after getting beat. But I guess that wouldn't be necessary if her aura helped her heal.

Hopefully, if Watts escapes and tries to get everyone else to help (since I doubt he can beat all the guards on his own), Qrow shows he learned his lesson about trusting the enemy.

ah, there you go

Okay, this is an amazing reveal. Is Salem transforming Mantle into another land of darkness? Because that'd definitely explain why she was so unworried about the broadcast.

What a way to end the episode. A brief moment of hope completely destroyed, twice.

Penny has been raising so many death flags that her inevitable hacking lacked some impact. I'm still sad (and annoyed at RT for poor Penny being a magnet for suffering) but Watts being Watts maybe he did a bad job just to prevent Atlas to escape? And Penny seemed able to resist? aaaah, I don't know. Now that the hacking finally happened all the foreshadowing is over, anything could happen.

The worst part of the hack is that it modified Penny's thoughts. It wasn't a complete takeover, like with Pietro, it was a lot more insidious. Literally making true what Cinder told her. Ugh.

Looking back at the screenshots, wow, a lot of the episode was just them fighting, but there were some fun moments, like Maria kicking Neo's ass.

Very curious about where it's going. Both the Penny plot (there's absolutely no way hacked Penny doesn't fight Ruby, there's probably a rule written in the universe about having mind-controlled people fight their loved ones) and the river of Grimm which was an excellent secondary gut punch. Really, loved that reveal. "You thought things were bad? lol"

I think that's all for now, until next time!

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

My notes on Lethal White episode 3

As usual, my poorly sorted and not-really-filtered thoughts on “Lethal White”, episode 3. Continued under the cut because ALL THE SPOILERS!

We’re back with Robin and cling-wrapped Chiswell. Holliday plays Robin’s tenuously controlled panic very well. The subtle trembling, the tears she forces back. She’s so good. 👏🏼

A two-week jump. These always jar me. Did that happen in the book?🤨

Another mention of Strike talking with Wardle, and again we don’t get to see him. Dang. I really miss his leather-jacketed wry humour. 😔

Of course they’re meeting at “The White Horse”. Where else? *Rosmersholm vibes*

The reveal about the bones was a bit anti-climactic, wasn’t it? It had a better effect with the skull, in the book. And how do you “accidentally” shoot a horse, even when it’s a small one? How much more are we supposed to hate Freddie? (This episode is just full of terribly behaving men)

Who are the kids playing with the dog? Pringle and Pong? Were those their ridiculous nicknames?

And here comes the “Knives Out” scene. 🔪The Chiswell family is such a loving bunch. *coughs*

Did you see the playful tension between Raff and Robin? And that little disconcerted look Cormoran casts them? Bit jealous, Corm? 😏

Raff’s sarcastic little throw-in remarks are really making this scene more fun. Gotta give him that: he adds a bit of “black sheep” dash to the family!

“KEYS!” 😁 Cormoran is like the adult stepping between a bunch of fist-throwing kids.

Cormoran and Robin are staring at the Chiswell’s bickering as if waiting for one of them to actually start spitting and biting.

Raff: “I’m sure our charming hostess means to offer you tea at some point.” 🤣

Cormoran: “I’m thinking it might be suicide after all. He couldn’t face another family gathering.” 😂

*grunts* We’ve all been there, haven’t we? (And I don’t even want to start thinking about Cormoran’s family gatherings…)

Hah! 🙋🏻‍♀️ I guessed right from the leaked stills: it is the hospital Billy’s in! (Cookie points for me!)

That staff woman gives off very sensible and caring vibes. They picked the actress well.

And, god, Billy carved the horse into his own chest? 😟 Good god…

Vanessa! And she looks good! And - unlike in the first series - she smiles! And is really NICE! (Wow, what a beautiful woman.) 😍

That little lounge corner in Cormoran’s office is new, isn’t it? Very cozy. ☕️🍪

Goth Robin! She looks awesome! 😍 (Excuse me, but have we traveled back into the 80s? She looks like half the people in my school back then.) And look at Holliday playing her: she even moves differently! This season must have been a lot of fun for her as an actress.

I love the Wiccan shop. I had one of those salt lamps (and a lava lamp too), but don’t tell anybody… ☺️

Cormoran’s FACE when he sees goth Robin! 🥰The double take, the pleased surprise, that touch of awe… He is so proud of her! (What a contrast to Matt the Twat’s derogatory reactions to her disguises).

Cormoran: “You liking Raff then?” Are we a teensy bit jealous again, Corm? ☺️

When he asked Robin what she was doing this evening, I held my breath. WAS HE GOING TO ASK HER OUT? 🤗 He wasn’t. 😔 Everybody calm down. It’s not happening yet. Unfortunately. And probably never will. *very long sigh*

It’s so cute how he can’t stop looking at her! 🥰I love her confidence. And his twinkle-eyed, soft grin that doesn’t seem to want to fade. He truly admires her, for her competence AND for her looks. ASK HER OUT YOU FOOL! *headdesk*

Lorelei. With coffee. Apologizing for saying “I love you”. Ack. And then Corm says “I was gonna call you.” (You weren’t, admit it!). I didn’t know what to feel when seeing this scene for the first time: shocked that they were still together? Sympathy for Lorelei? Mad at Cormoran’s lackluster ‘yeah, alright, whatever’ attitude? Very mixed emotions.

Cormoran following Aamir along the South Bank. Watch me pointing excitedly at the screen because I’ve strolled down that same boardwalk way back when traveling was still a thing. *flails* *misses London*

Aamir’s place. Why is Cormoran talking about food again? Robin hasn’t fed him biscuits today yet, has she?

Cormoran’s always a bit unnerving when interrogating someone. He uses friendly words, but there is that tiny bit of menace about him, an intensity and pressure… SIB Corm. Tom does that so well. 😎

“You gonna butter me?” Smooth moves, ex-Sergeant Strike! 🥋 Oh, I love seeing him in action! 🤗

Robin hides the phone, and I am a nervous wreck worrying someone’s going to call and her phone isn’t in silent mode! (enneagram type 6 here, hello…) 😬

I was waiting for Matt to be an absolute prick when he sees goth Robin, but he’s actually not. And he’s had the Green Dress mended. I like how the show gives him a few shades and doesn’t paint him as outrageously hateful as the book does. (jftr, we all still hate you, Matt!)

But then, the way he rushes at her with his “That’s not true” - why does it somehow feel like a physical threat? And wow, Robin is COLD. Dude, your marriage is over. You just haven’t been notified yet.

So we’re ignoring Lorelei’s calls again, Cormoran? *eyebrow lift* Is that what we do as a gentleman? And then he calls off dinner and has no more than a lame “Sounds good, I’ll call you” when she mentions breakfast? If he’s not invested at the mention of food, something is clearly wrong…

Della Winn, and they picked a blind actress for the role. Good for them! ✔️

So, help me out here, native speakers: Della says she can hear the West Country in Cormoran’s vowels, but to me he doesn’t sound Cornish. Am I wrong? To my ears, Tom is speaking in some sort of self-made accent that I can’t place, but it doesn’t sound anything like the Cornish burr Robert Glenister gives him in the audiobooks. Opinions? 🤔

Rhiannon’s story touched me in the book, and it touches me deeply here. A revenge murder would’ve made perfect sense to me.

The party. We’ve apparently time-traveled again.

“What’s ‘Becca’ short for?” 🙄

Ah! The note was hidden in the maxipads box! I seem to recall that, in the book, Robin hid the Houses of Parliament bugging device in a tampon box. Cool parallel.

VANESSA! HURRY UP! 😨

The chase. Good thing this goth girl wears sensible shoes! Nice trick with the crouching and tripping. Take THAT, Jimmy! Robin’s learned from past experience, and I love the addition of the chase that wasn’t in the book. Robin’s no longer a helpless victim. She is a FIGHTER! And - BAM! Perfect timing, patrol car! 🚔

Cormoran: “How did you guess where she hid it?” (Because that’s where girls hide stuff, darling. ONE good thing all the menstruating is good for at least.)

Quick shout-out to Tom Burke’s freckles. They really should be credited as supporting actors. 🥰

Btw, the navy jumper is not a jumper but a cardigan! I bet Tom was pleased. (And my shippy brain can imagine him wrapping a freezing Robin in it 💙)

Enter Lorelei. Here be dragons.

“You know, if you want a hot meal and a shag with no human emotions involved, there are restaurants. And brothels.”

Oooohhhh... 😳

Need ointment for that burn, Corm?

And she’s entitled! Cormoran’s old school gallantry seems to have gone MIA when it comes to treating Lorelei with the respect she deserved. Especially since he had his chance at ending it decently and respectfully at their earlier little talk over coffee. I still don’t think he meant to hurt her. It was thoughtlessness. Which is no redeeming factor at all. He deserved this, even in front of Robin. #TeamLorelei

Well, at least he didn’t get smacked with an ashtray this time.

I LOLed when Robin simply went straight back to business without commenting. A real pro. 😎

Cormoran: “That was a bit awkward.” Was it, Corm? We barely noticed. *snorts*

And although Robin defends him a little bit, her suppressed smirk and her work-life balance remark tell us she’s enjoyed this a bit. And not just because Cormoran is single again.

Matthew calls: “Sorry, it’s a work thing.” (NO IT ISN’T AND YOU’RE A LYING, CHEATING [REDACTED] !!!) 🤬

Robin steps on Sarah Shaglock’s earring, and now starts a scene that makes me want to shower Holliday in BAFTAs. 🏆🏆🏆 Heart wrenching, painful, powerful. And Matthew finally shows his true colours. (And Kerr Logan deserves a nod for his acting too).

On a completely irrelevant side note: Matt stole that coat from Darius Tanz, only that Santi looked hot as hell in it whereas Matt just looks like an accountant who pretends to look hot. (Go and watch “Salvation” if you have no clue what I’m talking about)

Robin is so bravely holding it together, and - wow - her coldness towards Matt is pretty impressive, and at the same time she’s forcing herself not to cry and fights down a panic attack. It’s amazing how she puts every emotion and train of thought from the books onto the table and we can read it in her face and in her voice and body language. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼Best scene of the season, if you ask me. (Not that anyone ever asks me, but here it is.)

“I’m not gonna let you fail again!” 😡 Aaaand Matt tries to put her down again. To make her feel weak and in need of help. BUT IT’S NO LONGER WORKING. She’s got this. Oh, she’s got this!

They left out Robin saying that he “doesn’t even have a knife”, and I’m actually glad they did. This didn’t need to be about physical assault again. Matt wouldn’t go that far, and it wasn’t necessary to go there. They clearly showed how manipulative he is and how strong Robin has to be to walk away from him, and that is enough.

The minicab driver. I remember the actress as Mrs. Fitz from “Outlander”, and she’s the perfect motherly tough love type to crack that marriage joke. And to get our girl out of there with no further fuss.

Whoa. I had high expectations. And they were met 10/10.

What did you guys think?

[atamascolily]

After Ursula K. Le Guin died, I made an agreement with myself I would read anything and everything she'd written as the chance arose. That said, Searoad: Chronicles of Klatsand probably would have been the last on my list, had I not stumbled across a paperback copy in a library booksale (in pre-pandemic times) in a "fill a paper bag for $10" sale and it languished in my TBR pile for months before I finally got around to it.

The reason? Genre snobbery, in reverse of the usual direction. Searoad is a collection of short stories published in magazines like The New Yorker, and fancy-sounding publications with Review in their names. Serious publications publishing so-called "literary" fiction, or maybe "realistic fiction" or just plain fiction--fiction that's supposed to tell-it-like-it-is, lay bare the inadequacies of modern life, and leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled after watching empty and unfulfilled people make poor decisions in futile attempts to fill the emptiness and inadequacies of their lives. Because that’s the whole point of literature, right?

Oh. Perhaps I'm generalizing. But so it feels to me whenever I dip into one of these publications. They are "literature", everything else is "genre": romance, science-fiction, fantasy, action, adventure, thriller, mystery, crime. "Literary" fiction is usually just plain old "fiction" in the library classification systems and in common parlance: it is assumed to be the norm, the default, from which everything else is a deviation. And I hate this. I've always hated this.

To write about petty modern people with their petty modern lives is one thing--we all have our kinks--but to disdain others for imagining different things, for epics and grandeur and you-could-have-anything-so-why-not-go-for-it always struck me as a deep failure of, and disdain for, imagination. Genres, like so much else in our lives, are social constructs: us and them, the have and the have-nots. Literary fiction are the "haves", everything else is the "have-nots". That's changing, obviously, and the boundaries aren't as rigid as they once were, but I still see that divide reflected in so-called "serious" publications, and I generally avoid them.

Ursula K. Le Guin has always hugged the boundaries between "pure" genre (aka trashy, flashy, unfit for serious folk in the eyes of the pedants) and "literary merit". She's been accepted and respected by both camps, although the "literary" folks speak of the sci-fi rather patronizingly in their reviews of her works. Le Guin, however, never disdained the sci-fi labels in the same way that Margaret Atwood--another boundary-spanning writer--has always done.

For this reason, I've retained infinitely more respect for Le Guin than Atwood, despite Atwood's considerable talents as a writer. Atwood wants to play with sci-fi tropes, but she doesn't have the backbone to stand up and be proud of it. Atwood wants to write science fiction but not be judged for it, and the easiest way to do that (since genres are a social construct) is just to firmly insist that it's not sci-fi at all--move along, nothing to see here.

Here's a blurb on the back of my copy of Searoad by Carolyn Kizer, a Pulitzer-prize winning poet from the Pacific Northwest:

"For a number of years, the only science-fiction I read was that of Ursula K. Le Guin. I don't read science-fiction any more, thought I wouldn't think of missing a book of Le Guin's. She has transcended the genre..."

How very generous and open-minded of you to only read science-fiction so elevated it “transcends” its genre entirely, thereby becoming worthy of notice. And this is supposed to make me like literary fiction? 

That said, the irony is that Kizer’s statement sums up my approach to non-genre stuff as well, although I would not have phrased it quite so baldly. More like “Okay, not usually my cup of tea--but if it’s you, it’s okay....” The genre transcending thing, as much as I despise the phrasing, works both ways here.

All this is to say I finally read Searoad, even though I had to coax myself into it by pretending that this was an alien society that Le Guin and I were exploring together in order to tell us stuff about our own, and that helped. It also helped because the stories were so damn good, and I got carried away, even though they are very literary stories, with ambiguous endings, the usual focus on unexpressed and/or self-destructive emotions of love, birth, and death, and no magic or wizards or dragons whatsoever.

(To repeat: I am a genre snob who has never understood why writing without dragons was inherently better than writing with dragons in it. I have always operated under the principle that dragons made everything better. And I have never understood why depicting the world as it is was a stroke of literary genius, if all you were going to do with it it is show people being unhappy in the usual old ways instead of unusual ways. Or even imagine something new and different!)

Searoad reminds me of Lake Wobegon a little, but that's only because it's a small town, with characters from one story popping up in others in the most unexpected places--just like small town life. After a while, it feels like we're constantly running into old friends, a shared world--real, but in a good way. The stories were published across a wide range of outlets from 1987-1991, yet flow into each other astonishingly well when read in rapid succession, or indeed, in any order at all.

My favorite is "True Love," which is all about ditching unsatisfying conventional relationships to focus on one's true passion instead:

For me, sex is sublimation. Left to itself, in its raw, primitive state, my libido would have expend itself inexhaustibly in reading.

And since I have been a librarian ever since I was twenty, I can truly compare my life to that of some pasha luxuriating in his harem--and what a harem! Half a million mistresses, when I was at the Central Library in Portland! A decade-long orgy! And during the school year, since I teach now at the Library School, I have access to the University Library. Here in Klatsand where I spend the summers, the harem is very small and a good many of the houris are rather out of date, but then so am I. My lust has lessened somewhat with the years. Sometimes I imagine I could be contented with a mere shelf of tried, true, and highly selected Scheherazades, with only now and then a pretty little novel to flirt with, or a volume of new poetry to make me cry out with excess of pleasure in the heart of the night.

And in the same story, Le Guin makes it clear she's one of us:

"Do you like science fiction" I asked her, because all I can really talk about is books. And of course, she couldn't talk about books. That had been knocked out of her years ago. We compromised on "Star Trek," new and old. She liked the new series as well as the old one. I liked the old one better. Antal stared, not at Rosemarie, only at me. "You watch it?" he said. "You watch television?"

I didn't answer. ... I was not going to let him try to shame us for our commonness.

"The one I liked best was the one where Mr. Spock had to go home because he was in heat," I said to her.

"Except, he never, you know," she said. "They just had a fight over the girl, him and Captain Kirk, and then they left."

"That's his pride," I said, obscurely. I was thinking how Mr. Spock was never unbuttoned, never lolled, kept himself shadowy, unfulfilled, and so we loved him. And poor Captain Kirk, going from blonde to blonde, would never understand that he himself loved Mr. Spock truly, hopelessly, forever.

Reader, I LOLed. Because it's true. You know it, I know it, and so does Le Guin. And she had the guts to say so in the Indiana Review, and the editors published it. LEGEND.

Like all of Le Guin's writing, the stories in Searoad are lyrical, elegant, soaring, and moving--sympathetic, yet unafraid to call out bad behavior and terrible things when she sees it. My other favorite story, "Sleepwalkers," is a brilliant example of this: it starts with a complaint by a privileged male playwright about the housekeeper at his summer cabin, only for us to quickly learn (if his tone and phrasing didn't give it away) that he's an arrogant asshole who sees only what he wants to see and misses what's actually in front of him. We then pivot to a number of other people at the little resort, and their views of the housekeeper, and we're left with an open question at the end: which view is more accurate? Which story do we believe? What is actually going on? Can any of us really know or understand the hidden depths within another person? It's so deep and lush and well-written, and even funny on occasions.

And there's also a diversity of viewpoints and perspectives and scenarios enough to keep me interested: a lesbian grieves the death of her long-time partner, a war veteran deals with PTSD, a college student runs off into the woods to secretly map illegal old-growth logging stands, a ghost appears in a late-night diner to a sexual-abuse victim. The ghost thing seems like it ought to fall under genre conventions, but doesn’t because of the framing, and yet it still works for me--another example of Le Guin’s skill.

Anyway, so Le Guin actually made me enjoy so-called "literary" fiction and that was unexpected and delightful. Regardless of my feelings about most "realistic" fiction, I'm glad I read this collection.  

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE PROM

You guys. Remember when just last week week I LOLed at my mom when I told her I had finally watched the lesbian holiday movie (The Happiest Season) and she thought I meant The Prom and I told her (and then you, dear readers!) that it would take me forever to hate watch that. WELL I JUST HATE WATCHED THAT. There is a lot to discuss, you guys. ALSO WIGS.

We begin in “New York City” or the CGI hellscape replication of it. Nothing about this movie is authentic except for maybe NY1′s theater reporter, Frank Dilella at the opening of a fake musical called “Eleanor! The Eleanor Roosevelt Musical!” which is meant to be a hilarious joke (it is not) starring Meryl Streep as Eleanor and James Corden as FDR and JOKE IS ON THEM AND US because why are they in this terrible movie and why the hell am I watching it? Oh right: THE WIGS. YOU GUYS THE WIGS. Meryl, who is truly slumming more in this than any other actor in this garbage also has to endure the very worst wig. SHE DID HAVE AN EVEN WORSE WIG IN MARY POPPINS RETURNS. But here this wig is so very much a bad wig that I struggled for a while wondering if this was going to be a wig within the narrative but no. Sadly, it looks like a castoff from some QVC Liza Minnelli wig collection.

AND EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE DRESSED IN A QVC LIZA MINNELLI NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION GHOSTMARE (Liza should probably trademark that tho). I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY SEQUINS OUTSIDE OF DAVID GEST’S GUEST HOUSE. Also, after the fake Eleanor musical opens, Meryl and James retire to “Sardis” or the CGI version of it where they discover that their show got (gasp!) bad reviews. EVERYONE LEAVES IMMEDIATELY except Meryl, James, Andrew Rannells who is another actor/bartender and NICOLE KIDMAN.

SHE IS ALSO WEARING SEQUINS AND HAS A BAD WIG. But we are talking about Nicole Kidman, so the chances of her wearing a bad wig are 110%. I couldn’t honestly tell you what her role is in this other than “another Broadway actress”(?) Her wig is likely the same one that Joanna Lumley wore for 10 seasons as Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous which has in the last decade or so been slowly decaying in a crawlspace somewhere only to reappear on the head of Nicole Kidman in the role of “another Broadway actress” in this movie. Anyway, all these washed up randos decide they need to stop acting and start activist-ing and pin all their hopes on a lesbian in Indiana who wanted to go to the prom and got the whole prom shut down due to smallmindedness. They travel to Indiana in a non-equity Godspell touring bus during which time my husband asked me who designs bus seats and truly: that is a question more profound and interesting than anything you will find in this “film.” But I do have many questions! If these actors have all been on Broadway and Meryl’s character has a few Tonys even, why do they need to bus it to Indiana?!?!

Anyway, over in “Indiana” (all places are actually LA or a set or a CGI hellscape), there is a big community meeting or something which is still all about not having a prom, because the only damn thing that matters in this community is THE PROM. The NYC actors show up and turn the meeting into a musical extravaganza with Meryl and her tragic wig center stage. More questions!! As a theater piece, it would make sense for this whole meeting to suddenly become a musical performance complete with spotlight entrances and sparkle curtains because it is already all fantasy. Ryan Murphy has no interest in creating a more realistic presentation in this new medium and just lets that happen here too? Sure - I guess the actors could have just arrived with all stage cues and crews to make this happen (LOLOL NO THEY COULDN’T) and this is honestly exactly why most stage to screen adaptations rarely work (though to be very fair - I had just about as much interest in seeing this on stage as on TV - negative 1000%). All realism, logic, quality, are not at all what this “movie” is aiming for. JUST SEQUINS! CONSTANT GODDAMNED SEQUINS! 

It should be noted that Kerry Washington plays the conservative PTA mom at the center of canceling prom and bitch got away with the very best wig! Also the big spoiler here is that her daughter is the secret lesbian love of the lesbian she is trying to stop from going to the prom! GASP! Kerry also made really terrible career choices this year between this and Little Fires Everywhere which also involves secret lesbians. 

Also those lesbians have a love song that looks like this - aka that one scene in the loathsome La La Land which was itself completely derivative. There are many (many!) derivative scenes in this movie - a later one on a staircase with Nicole Kidman is a clear nod to that one staircase scene in All That Jazz (RIP ANN REINKING!) This was all done intentionally for us theater nerds but also all the movies it ripped off I also hated so? NO THANK YOU THE PROM. ALSO THE MAIN LESBIAN’S GRANDMOTHER IS PLAYED BY MARY KAY PLACE AND I LOVE MARY KAY PLACE FYI. 

Anyway! The NYC actors start their very ill-advised get-back-the-Prom campaign at......CGI monster truck rally wherein Andrew Rannells wears THIS GODDAMNED COAT. Trying to find any logic or realism in this movie is about as foolhardy as being Andrew Rannells wearing this coat and singing a musical theater song at a CGI monster truck rally in “Indiana.” 

Also! Keegan Michael Key is in this (WHO I LOVE ALWAYS) as the liberal principal who is trying to make prom happen. He also is a HUGE MUSICAL THEATER FAN though that doesn’t actually translate to being gay - it translates to him being obsessed with Meryl Streep who is his favorite stage actress. Sure! It all turns into Keegan Michael Key being a love interest with Meryl Streep which I DID NOT SEE COMING but I would love to watch an actual rom com with the two of them and not whatever this is? THEY HAVE A DATE AT AN APPLEBEES YOU GUYS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.

At said Applebees (or “Applebees” more accurately because I’ve never seen one that sparkles like this), Keegan has a nice ballad which I couldn’t possibly hum for you now where he sings about the escapism of THEATRE and there is a flashback to him seeing Meryl in a musical called “Swallow the Moon” which is a pretty hilarious title and the whole thing looks exactly like another Liza Minnelli fashion show - this time with maybe a circus theme? At any rate, Meryl’s flashback wig is longer and more of a fashion bob but is still very fretful. 

I would like to take this opportunity to say that although I never saw The Prom musical on Broadway, from the pictures I have seen, Beth Leavel’s wig (in the same role as Meryl) is vastly superior in every way, despite the fact that stage wigs are allowed to be different/inferior as they are viewed from further away and not in bitter bitter closeup. 

Meryl looks great in close-up by the way BUT THAT WIG!!! I couldn’t find a good picture of it, but the hair part (if you can call it that?) is a dangerous ravine of mysteries none of which have anything to do with looking like real hair. MERYL HAS MORE OSCARS THAN ANYONE HOW WAS SHE GIVEN THIS WIG?! HOW!!!!!

Anyway, back to the “plot” of this movie, the PTA somehow agree to having a prom and all the kids go around prom-posaling (which is an awful horrible thing that I’m glad I was never part of) and which truly begs the question: if the kids hadn’t prom-posaled (UGH) to begin with, how did word get out that two lesbians were going and how did this prom get derailed in the first place? WHY AM I ASKING ABOUT PLOT HOLES WHEN THIS ENTIRE THING IS A PLOT HOLE?!?!?! So they have the prom, but it’s all an elaborate and cruel ruse and the real prom is at some hotel and the fake prom only for this one sad lesbian is a really depressing affair in the school gym (THIS PART OF THE MOVIE IS LEGIT HORRIBLE AND SAD). So Nicole Kidman, in the very important role of “another Broadway actress” that definitely needed to exist, decides to tell her to just “razzle dazzle ‘em” (WHICH ABSOLUTELY MEANS NOTHING IN THIS CONTEXT) in a very Fosse inspired (AND INCREDIBLY NIGHTMARE INDUCING) and also very confusing number. Also Andrew Rannells convinces a bunch of teenagers in a mall to like gay people! Mazel!

ALSO TRACEY ULLMAN IS IN THIS MOVIE AND NO ONE TOLD ME AND SHE HAS AN AWFUL WIG! So ok - James Corden, who I normally adore, plays a gay character with an American accent and in conclusion, is very miscast in this role. One of the few things Ryan Murphy has done which I actually liked was the revival of Boys in the Band (the play - I have yet to watch the movie!) And the entire cast was gay men playing gay men. Not sure why he then cast James Corden in this role because it’s not like we’re having a shortage of gay men who can sing? A friend of mine rightly pointed out that this character should have been played by Titus Burgess and VERY YES. Anyway, that’s not what happened and anyway, Tracey Ullman plays his mother who he reconnects with and I’m pretty sure the wig she wears was from her own collection from one of her past sketch shows and though I applaud wig recycling, bitch deserved better.

So yes - all these Broadway actor characters inexplicably are still in Indiana just TRYING TO MAKE THE PROM HAPPEN and Meryl, who somehow has both a celebrity ex husband and a Hamptons house (AGAIN WHY DID SHE TAKE A BUS TO INDIANA) uses both to get the main lesbian a forum on TV but she doesn’t take it and instead makes a singer-songwriter YouTube video which everyone on earth simultaneously watched!!! We are supposed to believe that this random video got 8 million views and she decides to use that leverage to make her own inclusive prom. This is a very lovely idea but again: not based in reality so Keegan is all: girl we need $$ to have a prom and somehow she doesn’t immediately make a go-fund me from all those YouTube views she got and instead all these actors throw down their credit cards to fund The Prom which is really horrifying knowing about real events which will totally make all those actors very unemployed (#2020) and YES I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS THE OPPOSITE OF REALITY BUT STILL.

In the end, ALL OF LIZA MINNELLI’S NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION QVC FASHIONS get their own damn prom and even Kerry Washington shows up in the most outrageous sequined number after her daughter finally comes out to her and everyone dances it out and life is reaffirmed and Meryl’s wig IS STILL A PILE OF GARBAGE AS IS THIS MOVIE.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[laufire]

Black Sails s3

This one took me longer because RL got in the way LOL. I’ve loved it as much as the other two (even if I am IN PAIN over you-know-who’s death DD:). I don’t know when I’ll have the time to finish the last season, but I wanted to post about this one before starting it; otherwise it’d accumulate with the 10+ and counting metas I want to write about this show once I have the full picture LMAO.

Max

As always, I have to start with her because she’s THE FUCKING BEST. This woman is currently competing for the number one spot among fictional characters in my heart LOL (I mean. I have loved Caroline Forbes --who I actually think Max has a lot in common with lmao. Everything I love is the same, as I always say-- for too many years for her to ever be truly dethroned; unless something goes really wrong with Legacies I guess. However, it’s still remarkable that a character could make me doubt).

I’ve absolutely adored her plot this season; watching her growing sphere of influence, the way she affects and upends others’ lives. That’s very much being present since season one, especially with her and Silver in tandem (I have a lot of Thoughts(TM) about those too as a driving/disruptive force in the show --they’ll go to one of those metas--; I’m put off by the fact that I didn’t get to enjoy them conspiring together this season lol. Though her reaction to the fake Long John Silver letter was kind of hilarious xDD. Still. I kind of wish we’d seen the scene where Silver tells her he renounces to his part of the price. It could’ve been very interesting --I guess he could’ve told Jack but that wouldn’t’ve been as good, so this is my headcanon).

The most obvious storyline where this manifest is in her relationship with Anne and Jack. I love everything about it, but well. I have to admit, the ~betrayal/different sides element appeals to me xD. I like that Max prioritices herself and her safety. That she sees the writing on the wall with the English invasion or with Vane’s execution and acts accordingly, the way she calculates her decisions and forms alliances without letting past grievances get in the way --with Eleanor, Rogers, Mrs. Mapleton...--, the choices she makes because she doesn’t want to be “on the outside looking in” ever again and how they always end reverting in her benefit, ultimately (I’m getting ahead because I am spoiled of quite a few things about s4, but I LOVE that eventually she mends her relationship with Anne and Jack. Because it fits into this: how even the possible mistakes and emotional compromises she makes are within a very specific frame that works out for her in the end).

Her relationship with Anne gets even better this season. I think my favourite scene is where Max tells Anne that she nows Anne “cannot fathom leaving me”. Can I get this woman’s confidence LMFAO. But seriously. I luff them. I love how Max convinces Jack of going along her plan to replace the gold with good easier to transport (and how THAT ends up being Flint’s treasure asdñlfkasfj. MY GIRL DIRECTLY CAUSED THE EVENTS IN TREASURE ISLAND OKAY) by appealing to their mutual love for Anne. That she trusts Anne with the story about her father. That she knows just as well as Jack that Anne wouldn’t give up the treasure so easily and she’ll try to save him (and that Anne won’t stomach the thought of Jack being tortured because she couldn’t bear MAX’S torture. My heart).

Another highlight of the season for me was her relationship with Eleanor, which keeps being a huge surprise no matter what xDD (even if, again, never in a shippy way. I’m very glad the season doesn’t go there). I love the reversal of expectation in a general fandom landscape: how ultimately, Eleanor doesn’t have an emotional hold over Max (and that she lost it as early as 1x02, IMO. I’m not saying “Max doesn’t feel anything about Eleanor”, but the truth of the matter is, narratively Eleanor serves Max, not the other way around. And I’m happy and relieved about it, ngl), and that the same isn’t true the other way around. I thought two very telling scenes where a.) Max hosting parody trials of Eleanor that paint her under a completely undignified light, but clearly deriving no pleasure from it: it simply was yet another thing she does for practically, level-headed political reasons; and b.) that Eleanor orders Rogers’ men not to hurt Anne in the exchange because Max’s love for Anne.

Continuing down with Max’s relationships, I’ve grown to really like hers with Idelle. I think Max find Idelle fun, likeable, uncomplicated (the scene where Featherstone tells Idelle he hopes his pardon doesn’t diminish her attraction to her was hilarious and clearly the moment Max was enjoying herself the most in the whole season lmfao. BTW, I kinda liked Idelle/Featherstone since the moment he told Jack he wasn’t concerned because “he was in love with a good woman” and Jack was like “Idelle??”. Yes, it’s fun because client-falling-for-sex-worker is a pitiful cliché, but here’s the thing: he’s right xD. He didn’t say “I’m in love with a woman who loves me”. He said he was in love with someone GOOD and Idelle IS a good woman, dammit xDD).

Max doesn’t concern herself much with the idea of Idelle going behind her back because Idelle loves her, respects her, and is a loyal friend (and yet clearly sees Max exactly as she is and doesn’t have any delusions about it. Luckily for her Max is probably the type to feel angry but not vengeful about this lol, if only because it could reflect on her). And Max is right about that. But I love that Idelle still has it in her to take a different path by allying herself with the pirates. I’m curious about the reasoning being after Max makes Mrs. Mapleton madam again; it’s clear the girls aren’t happy about her and she didn’t seem like she took good care of them in s1, to put it mildly, so there’s some of that, but I like to think part of it was Idelle going, “seriously Max? I’m right here! I could be the Madam!” xDD.

Her dynamic with Mrs. Mapleton was really interesting too; I like how she too puts aside any old grudge and decides to put her bets with Max over Eleanor or Rogers, because she has confidence that Max and her methods (“I choose to let the players reveal themselves to me, least I make an enemy out of someone I might wish to call a friend one day”) will outlast them (btw, that line/her approach in general --as well as Silver’s “liked is a good as feared” MO--, kind of reminded me to Sansa Stark’s “If I am ever queen, I will make them love me.” line. Food for thought). Yet I think Mrs. Mapleton instructed Georgia to  attempt to ~seduce Max to get information out of her, which is very much in line with her. I loled at Max’s reaction basically being “gurl, who do you think you’re talking to. I practically invented this. GTFO” xDD

Basically, her entire storyline this season was pure gold. I love how all of those dynamics come from her maneuvers to keep herself safe, in power, and with influence (because those go hand in hand). I love her pride and her confidence, the way she refuses the scraps Eleanor and Rogers intend to give her at first (and how she firmly says to Eleanor “people do not speak to me that way anymore”, how she establishes a new normal between them), and how she pays her way out of trouble/into power with the gold she stole from Flint & co xDD.

My favourite moment of hers is devided between “in another time, in another place, they would call me a queen”, and “I AM Nassau” (that made me decide that if I ever write fic where Max needs a last name for any reason, it’s going to be Nassau. It is law), and how meta they’ll turn out to be :DD. I also have Thoughts about the evolution of her styles (beyond the obvious “omg she’s soooooo beautifuuuuul” lmao) but I’ll leave that for another show-encompassing meta too :P

Madi

She catapulted herself to Forever Fave status pretty quickly (I may have too many of those in this show.  W h a t e v e r  xDD). I love how self-assured she is (“when I speak my men listen, and they do as I say”), and how she always thinks of the big picture (like when she fought her impulse to order her men to fight against the pirates after one of them beat one of hers). And I have a lot of Feels about how this is explicitly linked to her heritage, her mother and father, their ~legacies.

Speaking of: one of the few major spoilers I seem to have avoided was that Mr. Scott was Madi’s father LOL. I was DELIGHTED by that reveal, and how it makes you reconsider his story. His relationship with Eleanor could’ve been a frankly off-putting cliché, but this completely circumvents that; it’s true that he’d shown more independence from her than I would’ve expected in another show, by leaving her side to do his own thing and further contributing to her vulnerability. But giving him a real* family, one that he prioritises over Eleanor and HID FROM HER, using her position to their benefit... That’s on a whole other level.

*I know some people are going to object to this qualifier. Fandom gets like that about found families, adopted families, etc. And I get it, but this is NOT like those situations. Mr. Scott was Eleanor’s SLAVE, FFS. That is incompatible with being her family, her father figure, no matter what she thought. And I love that the show made it explicit, when Madi tried to talk about his “two daughters” and he said “NO. ONLY YOU” in his deathbed (I might or might not have cried, okay. It may be one of my favourite scenes in the whole series). Especially when there’s a very obvious trend of characters of color COINCIDENTALLY being written as prioritizing white characters over their biological families, at the cost of their health and even their lives (I am still not over Monty being forced to kill his own mother to protect Octavia in The 100. Fuck that shit, seriously). Black Sails deciding to do the oposite here is FUCKING REVOLUTIONARY and I love it to pieces.

Another thing I loved is that they picked an actress that looks more like Mr. Scott than like her mother or Max (darker skin etc.): aka how the few black female characters that usually get what Madi will from Silver --that ~eternal devotion, willing to go against anything and anyone for her etc.-- tend to look.

Unsurprisingly, I like Madi/Silver VERY MUCH lol. I like that he is immediately ~drawn to her, in a subtle way, and viceversa (like in the scene where he’s still in the cage watching how she has trouble breathing after seeing her wounded father, or when they hug after his death). All their talks about power, responsibility, succession etc. are really good. And her concern for him is as palpable as probably inconvenient for her xD. I love the scene where she holds her hand as his leg is treated, or her worry one Silver calls himself a “one legged creature”. Though my favourite might be when he smiles when she shows concern for his state after killing Dufresne, and she’s like “well duh, if you fall apart the alliance between my people and yours is screwed” xDD

And though there hasn’t been much development yet on that side, I’m already so onboard with Flint/Madi/Silver lmfao. I love that nod of ~acknowledgment between Flint and Madi with the Maroon Queen’s voiceover about how Madi will have as much authority as Flint in his own ship xD. Her concern about Silver’s relationship with him is kind of ironic knowing that they’ll eventually find themselves more aligned between them than with Silver, by virtue of their many commonalities LOL. And there’s already traces of that ot3 feels, like when Madi tells Silver that the mistake of those “other people close to Flint” that he’s so scared of following to the grave was trying to deal with Flint alone (Madi’s seduction technique: kindness, understanding, and offers of partnership. I dig it).

I want more scenes of and with her mother, too. And between her mother and Silver, since apparently the Maroon Queen trusts him among all the pirates NOT to betray them for money (Jack saying the irony wasn’t lost on him and Flitn was hilarious xD) and that has to be thanks to Madi’s opinion of him. I’m kind of bitter we never got a Mr. Scott & Silver scene, too, especially after Silver and Madi become romantically involved. I love that stuff.

Miranda

I could just upload a bunch of gifs of various crying/in pain/etc. states here because WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE PAINNN. I was ~feeling Flint’s grief the entire time, I swear (though... did it have to express itself by shaving his head... asking for a friend). The violence he kept inflicting in her name (her word will be the last word); how he convinced his crew, Silver included, to go into the storm rather than surrendering, for her (and narratively speaking Silver is right, he did conjure it xDD). How fucking tired he is of it all (“you can talk your way part it”, “I don’t know that I have any more lies left in me”).

As far as I’m concerned he could be hallucinating her the rest of the show (I’m going to miss seeing her so much... especially in light of the ending), as painful as I find those scenes. At this point “But when I lost you... I am ruined over you” is an instant tear-jerker, ugh. So is Flint wantint to let go and “be with her”, and ghost!Miranda saying she’d resent him for giving up. Though my favourite is when Miranda basically describes herself as his “maker”, about how she ~shaped him *clenches fist*. I love those kinds of ships.

BTW: I think the moment Rogers mentioned Thomas, Miranda’s ghost, Flint, and I, yelled “HOW DARE YOU SAY HIS NAME” on the inside xD

Flint & Silver

Sometimes fandom gets it right because the relationship between these two is... A Lot. A LOT. I anticipate a lot of suffering on my part in the near future xD

I loved the evolution in the first half of the season, from Flint telling Silver that “in my head, you’re not welcome”, or Silver resenting that Flint’s words convinced HIM (HE’S the convincer!! It’s not supposed to happen to ME!! xDD) and rambling about how Flint is “able to ~conjure the reality he desires”, to Silver finally confessing about his part on the Urca gold robbery (which I’m at least 60% sure Flint suspected already tbh. That was not one of Silver’s best lies lbr) in order to force Flint to “account for ME” --but ofc still grabbing the nearest weapon as he confeses, just in case xDD. I am also incredibly delighted by the fact that the fandom calls that episode “shark date” asdñflkasjdf (*Flint and Silver barely manage to kill one shark*; Flint, challenging: again? *Silver grins*. Shark hunting = foreplay now, apparently).

I want it known that I end up ENRAGED every time they talk about their ~partnership lmfao. It comes off very intimate and gives me too many feelings xD. “When you and I talk with one voice, we can convince them of anything”; “your words opened that door [Flint convincing the Maroon Queen to spare their lives and join their fight]”; “you didn’t tell me the journey into the dark feels good”; “he doesn’t know how to say no to the both of us at the same time”; “I’m afraid I will be the end of you”. JUST STOP YOU ASSHOLES XDD

One of my favourite moments is when Silver convinces Flint to live. To go on, to talk to the Maroon Queen without a safeguard (that knife would’ve been his doom) and get her on their side (which Flint does with a super passionate speech about fighting England’s empire. ILH). Another is when Silver tells him he enjoyed killing Dufresne WITH HIS PROSTHETIC LEG OMFG (I personally think killing Dufresne was very valid of him lmfao), or Flint says Silver enjoyed punishing Dobbs (which in Silver fashion, worked perfectly for him because it made Dobbs MORE susceptible to him). Though obviously everything pales when compared to the scene where CAPTAIN FLINT COMES OUT TO LONG JOHN SILVER OVER A BONFIRE LMFAO. I loved that scene; it was so gentle. And then Silver made it about him and their relationship xDD (this show is not subtle). Flint’s apparent lack of concern about Silver replacing him is stressing me out though. I dread the series finale xD

Outside of Flint/Silver, Silver’s journey remains awe-inspiring. I just... love him. I love that he gave up his share of the Urca gold because he had to hold onto the crew, but that he is terrified of their bow to take care of him. His concern for his image in front of them was heartbreaking and hit waaaaay too close to home, too. And I wonder how he’s going to react to Billy’s King Long John Silver stratagem xD

BTW, I lowkey shipped him with Muldoon LOL. They should’ve had ~tender sex~~ (on screen, I headcanon it did happen off-screen, whatever) at some point (if only so there was one measly mlm sex scene in the show amidst all the rest. It’s troubling, to say the least, that there’s not a single one when it has a queer male lead tbh. And I get why they didn’t go that route with Flint outside of Thomas and can even see why they didn’t do it with Flint/Thomas even if I judge the hell out of them for it, but given how they go out of their way for the other options... yeah, I side eye them).

Jack

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I WISH HE HAD MORE SCREENTIME, OKAY. Every time he opens his mouth the show gets just a little bit better, if you ask me xD. “If you’re going to behave like children, I will be your daddy” WHO SAYS THAT JACK XDD.

I loved him even more when he decided to deny Rogers & co the cache, Spanish invasion or not, to not give up and assure “his legacy”. And OF COURSE he could write his intentions in a way that only Anne would understand (Max reaaaally understimated him there). Their relationship remains the sweetest (weird adjective, maybe, but it’s true) part of the show, btw. I love that how Jack describes how hurt Anne would feel after knowing she might’ve unwittingly betrayed him. Or when he knew Anne giving up to easily meant she had a plan and he cheerfully told Rogers Anne would find a way to save him xD (the scene where he absolutely drags Rogers about his privilege --“but did I make up a lot of ground to catch you!”-- is perfect. And their reunion kiss was so, so cute.

Other highlights were when he threw away the key of the cache in front of Flint to secure it, or made his pitch to be his fellow captain in the fight. I also take a petty pleasure in the fact that Vane sacrificed himself when he went to his rescue LOL. 

I like that he convinced Blackbeard to fight alongside them, but sweetie, you have NOTHING to prove to that asshole. His opinion is worthless (between his “strife is good” and Vane’s “comfort is for women” takes... ugh. They remind me of the exact discourse among leftism I hate okay xDD. In Vane’s case I at least get where he’s coming from and I even agree in part, but Blackbeard is even more boring).

Misc

-I love Billy’s more and more insidious antagonism towards Flint lmfao (yes, Flint is also one of my Forever Faves. This is compatible AND the kind of thing that would make me appreciate Billy more. I love irreverence, period). It starts with subtle ways of trying to poison Flint and Silver’s relationship (telling Silver Flint doesn’t see him as an equal, sending Silver to deliver Flint’s message instead of Flint himself, etc.). I laughed at him saying he’s all for Flint sacrificing himself for the crew since it’d be the “first selfless thing I’ve seen him do!” lol. Or that he “wants a good view when things catch up with Flint and the world makes sense again”. And ofc, creating the legend of Long John Silver. You just know he remembered Flint’s out of left field “I AM YOUR KING” and said “not on my fucking watch” xDD. And I love the irony of him being the one delivering black spots LOL.

-Did it really took that long for Anne and Flint to share some freaking words smh. Barely, but I’ll take it. I liked the moment where Jack references Max as “Anne’s lost love” and Flint does that Closeted Queer Observing A Queer Couple Look lol (he did the same when he was witness to Max and Eleanor’s fight. You need more queer friends, Flint :P).

-I liked Mrs. Hudson from the moment that she told Eleanor that the only difference she saw between her and other ladies is that their families have better lawyer --which meant Eleanor was the first one she could be rude towards xD--, and accused her of living of her father’s nepotism LOL. I hope she ends up in a good place and safe back with her kids.

-I can’t say I care much about Vane or his relationship with Eleanor, but his death and her hand on it were very well written IMO.

-I find Rogers so inherently unlikeable in every way LMFAO. And as hypocritical as it might sound, part of it is the extramarital affair ngl. I hate storylines where a man married to a more “conventional” woman is ~attracted to one he perceives as “stronger”, “fiercer”, and more worthy of himself (as if his opinion on the matter is worth shit) --only to eventually try and make the new woman more conventional once he “has” her. This one hasn’t gone all the way there but it has traces of that trope and I loathe it with all my heart.

-The only moment I managed to pay attention to Blackbeard was when he mentioned he had shrapnel advancing towards his heart, and for anyone who knows me a little, you know it’s because my brain linked that to Tony Stark lmfao. *Sighs* I just never like any version of Blackbeard, period. I find them so boring. He’s the opposite of Long John Silver that way, because I’ve loved every single version I’ve encountered so far.

-The way Spain is portrayed in this show is so... unusual. Especially for USA content in my experience. One day I’m going to have to do some more research and write about how Spain (and in particular Spanish violence -inter and intranational) is portrayed across the ocean.

[atopearth]

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 5 - Heaven’s Feel Route (1/2)

Day 1-10 Since Sakura barely appears in the other routes after a while, I kinda forgot how soothing of a person she is, and how sweet it is that both Shirou and her love to cook for each other. I like how Shirou prioritised taking Sakura home for her safety rather than caring about the possibility of him and Shinji fighting (since Shinji doesn’t like Sakura going to Shirou’s place to cook). Honestly, with how beautiful and kind Sakura is, it’s really saddening how she feels like the only time she can truly be herself and have fun is when she goes to Shirou’s place to cook and spend time with him and Taiga. They’re such simple everyday things, but somehow it’s so difficult for her to truly have something so simple in her life. That bruise on Shirou…was it from one of the bugs at Sakura’s place or something? Although it seems implied in the UBW route (and explicitly shown in the UBW anime), I guess both Sakura and Rin were inspired by the Shirou four years ago that kept challenging a high jump bar for three hours persevering and never giving up for such a long time. Even though in the end, he wasn’t able to succeed, I think seeing him continue to try so hard really affected them and their mindset. In a sense, both Shirou and Sakura were feeling crap at that time, Sakura was probably plagued with the Matou family circumstances as usual with no outbreak at all (until she met Shirou properly and he taught her how to cook etc), and at that time Kiritsugu just passed away so Shirou was really down and just did reckless things as an outlet I guess. And yet now they’re both here supporting each other, it’s so cute. I loved how he brought a tea set and quietly had tea with her in the classroom until she felt better (since she seems really bothered about Shirou’s bruise).

I think a lot of the reason why Shirou is the way he is, is not only because of Kiritsugu saving him influencing him, but also the people he encountered in the fire ten years ago. It’s surprising, but it seems that in Shirou’s memories, a lot of the people he saw who died in the fire were people who sacrificed themselves for others. People who gave their lives to save children, people who would give their own limited water to another, only for them to die instead etc, and although there were people who walked past others “leaving” others to die, it didn’t really feel like something Shirou would blame them for, because he knew, he knew that in such a place surrounded by death, what you should blame aren’t the people who tried their best to survive but the existence of the fire itself, and that’s why I think Shirou is someone who aims to save everyone by not allowing such things to happen in front of him ever again, rather than the idea of saving people when terrible things happen. Well, I guess it’s kinda surprising that to an extent, Kotomine did understand Kiritsugu’s motivations etc fairly well, or maybe it took him 10 years to understand lol. Anyway, I guess it’s kinda interesting how even though Kiritsugu barely taught Shirou much about being a superhero saving everybody etc, Shirou still ended up going on this path towards an impossible dream just like him.

Hmm I guess Zouken is “alive” through the existence of the worms? Nice to see Shinji out of the picture (for now) but Zouken is definitely not going to just stop fighting~ Honestly disgusting to picture Rider “eating” an innocent woman’s spirit and mind etc, I wonder how many people they’ve done that to already… I loled when Shinji got reprimanded as useless by Zouken, but yeah he’s probably going to be even more annoying from now on even if he’s not a Master so zzzzz. On the other hand, Shirou panicking and consulting Rin on how he can protect Sakura from the war is so cute lol. Innocent Illya is always so cute but dangerous🥺🥺 I don’t blame Shirou for having a soft spot for her when she acts like that, and it’s not like she’s faking either, she’s genuine, but at the same time, she’s genuinely intending on killing Shirou. Omgg Taiga was so cute when she got traumatised at how scary Saber can be in a sword fight🤣 Everyone is so cuteeeeee lol. I love how Taiga misunderstood Shirou and Saber’s relationship (since she wants to sleep in the same room and will always obey Shirou lmao) and did a choke hold on him and threw him, but he was too heavy and she nearly hurt herself. It was so sweet how Shirou reprimanded her for doing something that could have hurt herself rather than being annoyed at her throwing him, he’s such a good boy. You definitely didn’t raise him wrong, Taiga!! LMAO at Taiga and Sakura talking about bras and sleeping with them on or not at night right in front of Shirou hahahaha. But yeah, it was really heartwarming how insistent Shirou was on telling Sakura to stay over because he was worried about her. He’s so nice😫 HAHAHA, Taiga totally deserved it when Sakura nearly killed her covering her mouth, she literally just told Shirou Sakura’s bra size!! It was hilarious but so embarrassing hahaha. Not gonna lie, Shirou was so cool when he carried Sakura back to the room. Sakura really is so reckless though. She fell asleep in the bath with a high fever and then fell down after she changed into her clothes, like seriously, take care of yourself better please Sakura!! You really can’t blame Shirou for being so worried about her tbh. And yes, I love it when the girl tugs on the guy’s shirt so that they’ll stay beside them until they fall asleep, it’s such an adorable thing to see all the timeee!

Oh man, seeing Assassin suffer such a gruesome death was terrible… I’m kind of surprised that Kuzuki lost considering how adept he is, but I guess…Sakura is a monster? Lol. Umm, that dream of Shirou having sex with Rin was way too vivid to be a dream imo, Sakura definitely did something to him! Does she eat men for magical energy or something?😟 Saber said he’s lacking magical energy, she’s definitely stealing it!!! Anyway, it was pretty cute how Sakura insisted on staying to take care of Shirou since he apparently has a fever. But at the same time, it felt ominous lol. Like, I don’t doubt Sakura’s intentions, but there’s definitely something dangerous about her that she’s probably aware of to an extent even if not fully. Lol at her getting mad every time Shirou mentions Rin though. Honestly though, Rin is the sweetest girl ever when she got all worried and concerned about Shirou not coming to school, she legit thought he died at Ryuudou Temple, it was so adorable to see how annoyed she was that he was so alive and well hahaha. Omgg, things were so peaceful without Shinji, I should have expected he’d come to get back Sakura yuckkk. Wow, he’s so disgusting, I can’t believe he just hit her straight away, and even insulted her and Shirou saying Shirou is just using her for sex, he’s straight up disgusting!! I wonder if Sakura’s fevers are caused by a lack of magical energy or something, I mean, her eyes changed back to being lifeless when she fell down due to the fever!! I never realised but (spoiler!) technically, both Sakura and Shirou were “adopted”! It’s kinda saddening when you think about that though, by getting adopted, Shirou was able to lead a normal life, whereas Sakura being adopted turned her whole life upside down… It’s nice to know that Shirou said he’d scold her if Sakura became a bad person (since she asked what he would do), but would he really? I feel like he’d comfort her and try to get her back on the “right” path more than he would shout at her haha.

I knew that Sakura found light and meaning to her life after taking care of Shirou after he got injured, but I didn’t think that Sakura was actually the one to persistently go to his place all the time to convince him that she should take care of him and cook for him etc. But I guess regardless of what her motivations were, she definitely didn’t expect that Shirou would give her the spare key to the house that Kiritsugu used to always use. Seeing her smile and so cherish that gift was quite touching, and at the same time I couldn’t help but admire how much Shirou trusted her that he could give something so important to her. I am legit so sad that the monstrous Assassin that appeared (and consumed the previous Assassin) also ended up killing and consuming Lancer😭😭 Honestly, I kinda find it frustrating that this is all happening. So, does that mean that if you take Sakura away from her home, they aren’t able to control her anymore or something? Or is it just Zouken causing trouble? HAHAHA, I loved Shirou’s impersonation of Rin at a yakiniku place being that she’ll devour her fill and say she went easy on him lmao, and I love how Rin said he was right🤣🤣🤣 Now that they’re cooperating (due to Caster still existing even though Shirou defeated her), I’m so glad to have the Shirou and Rin banter again! Like, Sakura is cute, but yeah. And lol at Rin realising too late that Shirou’s lunch was huge because Sakura made it hoping to eat it with him. I bet she waited for Shirou at the archery range thinking he’d go there since she suggested for him to go there🥺 Oh nooo, and she bumped into Shirou and Rin!! Omg, I love how Rin so easily cleared everything up and made Shirou realise that Sakura wanted to eat lunch with him! Rin even apologised about it, she’s legit so clear about it and so cool, I love her. I bet if Rin wasn’t there, it would have just turned into a situation where Sakura would be sad and Shirou would be clueless lol.

I loved how Shirou readied himself to go into the deadly Chinese restaurant that serves super hot spices from Hell (since Rin told him to go there after school), and he enters only to witness Kotomine eating mapo tofu (seemingly) furiously with his deadpan face lol! I knew Kotomine wouldn’t hesitate to reveal that he was a Master since Lancer is gone now and he wants info, but he really said it so nonchalantly lol. I loved how he actually ordered more than one serving of mapo tofu lmao, it was a great way to end their conversation hahaha. Do people really eat that just by itself?! On the other hand, it was obvious that Zouken used his blood sucking bugs or whatever they are to somehow live all this time (hundreds of years!), but it seems like there’s a limit and he’s reaching it since he can’t go out in broad daylight anymore. I was wondering when Shirou was going to remember his promise to meet with Illya at the park LOL. He totally deserved Illya getting mad at him, she waited for him in the cold!! Although Shirou saying he’ll do anything for her to forgive him leading to them going on a short little shopping trip seems to be the right choice (since there’s a CG of her enjoying the snow with Shirou), I really enjoyed how in the other option, Shirou takes Illya back to his house. I know it’s dangerous since she’s a Master, but it was just so innocent and sweet to see her enjoy something so simple like tea time with Shirou, exploring his house and even feeling sad that this is the place Kiritsugu was, so even if she wants to get mad at him, she can’t even show him anymore. It’s saddening, but it was rather bittersweet. Oh and I loved Saber arguing with Shirou about how dangerous it is letting Illya into the house, it was hilarious lmao.

Oh wow, so I guess Zouken devours humans with his bugs to kinda take their place/body? And his body is kinda literally bugs? I felt so sorry for the woman that literally got eaten… Hmm, so this magic of his only keeps his soul alive, so no matter how many bodies he takes over, he can only retain the form of Zouken himself, and due to that, his body is constantly rotting since it’s at it’s utter limit I guess. I find it so terrible that he now has to get a new body every few months now when he used to last fifty years in one, he’s really been killing so so many people! His soul is rotting is an interesting way to phrase how his existence really can’t be sustained in this world anymore… It seems like Archer recognises that “shadow” that swallows up everything and was forced to defeat it before or clean up after it…. It’s kinda disgusting that Zouken states that his simple wish for the holy grail to grant is for him to be able to live (without rotting) and yet he sacrifices every other person’s wishes to live for himself. I’m not surprised that Saber ended up getting consumed and possibly controlled by that dark thing that consumed Lancer too, but I’m honestly disappointed. Well… Rider appearing to save Shirou was rather random and unexpected even if Shinji wants Shirou to be alive so he can prove to everyone and Rin that he’s not inferior to him.. I knew Sakura would be “happy” that Saber is now gone, so she can have Shirou to herself, but I guess Shirou went against her expectations that he won’t get hurt anymore (since Saber is gone), and instead he’s going to go out even more now… I wonder if her intense hatred for whatever that is hurting Shirou is kinda causing her to go around at night as the “shadow”? Anyway, apparently Sakura is more of a pervert than Shirou lol! She legit just masturbated to him after seeing his stomach and his back when she tended to his wounds lol! And lol is Sakura like a yandere?! She’s literally thinking about hurting Shirou so much that he can’t go outside just so that he won’t be able to hurt himself anymore… Like, lady, I don’t know about hurting him to stop him from hurting himself…isn’t that a bit contradictory?? At least put him in a cage or something instead LOL.

Oh wow, I never realised that Taiga’s family is rich and has many housekeepers! That’s why Shirou was able to ask for one to help care for Sakura’s fever whilst he went to school. Like dang! LMAO at Tiger Dojo 28 when Illya tries to take over the Tiger Dojo with a tank and Taiga destroys it in one hit hahahah. Now that I think about it, when Rider said she protected Shirou because her Master said to not let him die, did she actually mean Sakura? Lol. Honestly, with the fact that Sakura being the legitimate successor of the Matou family and being the one who used a Command Spell to order Rider to listen to Shinji making him a pseudo Master, you really gotta wonder how Shinji can be so shameless and disgusting to take Sakura hostage and kick her and harm her all the time when really, he’s only a Master because of her. Hmm, Rider has eyes of petrification and she never used it until this route?! Anyway, Sakura always stops going crazy when she realises that she hurts Shirou so I think everyone should just do that from now on if they want Sakura to stop lol.

I’ve always been a bit unsure of what exactly is wrong with Sakura so it’s nice that Kotomine is explaining things lol. But hmm basically, Zouken placed a crest worm inside of Sakura to monitor her, but since this worm has lived inside her for 11 years, it’s practically become a part of her like a Magic Circuit and has since transformed into her Magic Crest. But when this crest activates, it violates all her nerves and absorbs her magical energy, and since it’s so entrenched within her, it can suck all her magical energy dry and eat her for nutrition if it continues to rampage once activated.. Oh, and the crest activates when Sakura refuses to fight the battles as a Master and tries to abandon it… That’s so cruel.. and I see…Zouken never intended on using her in the war until now because he saw her as the shadow (and thought he could win the war this time)! So in the end, it’s because Shirou cared about her too much in this route that led to this lol. Ooh and I guess that shadow appears because Sakura is already using most of her magical energy to sustain Rider, so that requires the worm to get the energy somewhere else somehow.. 

Kotomine was right when he told Shirou to leave so he could perform surgery on Sakura to save her (from the attack she used on herself so that she wouldn’t hurt Shirou). All this time, Sakura has been carrying heavy mental burdens being beside Shirou. It was only when she could do simple things like cook with him at his house that she could wish for something like a normal and happy life. Even if it was like a dream, it was a happy dream for her, and she would continue doing that forever if she could. But the truth was, just as being with Shirou brought her an endless amount of happiness, it also brought her pain because she couldn’t help but think that she doesn’t deserve him, especially when she compares herself against others like Saber and Rin. She’s not as strong as Saber and she’s not as fun or witty as Rin, so she feels that she can’t win against them in any area, but regardless, she loves Shirou and wants to be the one with him even if she’s not pure. But at the same time, the fact that she’s not pure (aka a virgin) like the others makes her hesitate, she feels bad that she’s not pure like Shirou, she feels like she can’t stand by him like the others can, she can’t raise her head with pride and fight with them for him, because she doesn’t believe she deserves him, and it’s saddening to think of how terrible of a life she’s had this whole time.

Shirou’s choice between continuing to be a superhero or discarding it to protect Sakura (since as long as she is alive, she will be forced to fight and kill others) is an agonising choice. What Archer said really hit the nail on the head though, all this time, Shirou had lived in order to save as many people as he can, if he chooses to protect Sakura, he’ll be giving up on this belief that makes up what the person “Shirou” is. He’ll be burdened with the fact that he abandoned his belief for one person and will be tormented by that fact for the rest of his life. Not only would his individual guilt destroy him, but the fact that he is abandoning Kiritsugu’s promise would kill him on the inside… But I guess at the same time, Shirou can’t forgive the fact that he was always beside Sakura and yet he knew nothing of the pain she experienced and mentally carried. He was so oblivious to her even though he vowed to be a superhero, he must be thinking about how foolish he was to even dream of being a superhero when all along, he couldn’t even protect one of the closest people to him. And also the fact that he ignored how probable it was that Sakura was involved in all this by believing in Zouken’s words that she wasn’t, just because it was convenient to believe so, since if he doesn’t know, then there’s no reason to fight against her or be wary of her. But now, he’s forced to face the fact that she is Zouken’s puppet and he has to choose what he prioritises most. I didn’t realise how much Illya’s simple gesture of patting Shirou’s head even when he pushed her away (due to the pain of his indecision and regret) could sway me. I legit cried because it was such a touching thing to do for Shirou right now. She knew he was in pain and she knew she couldn’t leave him, all because she wanted to protect him and be his ally since she loves him. It broke my heart to know Illya felt so much for Shirou, she’s such a sweet girl. Illya’s right, huh? If Shirou chooses to persist being a superhero despite sacrificing the people he loves most, he is choosing the same life Kiritsugu followed; one where he threw away all the people he loved to save people he didn’t even know. In the end, regardless of which choice Shirou makes, he will hurt himself. By sacrificing the person he loves now, there is no limit to his sacrifice in the future, because if he has already sacrificed one of the most important people to him now, he won’t allow himself to hesitate to sacrifice anything else that’s precious to him in the future, because that’s the path he’s chosen. And that’s just so terrible, because it really will end up just being that same lonely path Kiritsugu and Archer had walked, a life where you abandon everything and yourself for a dream that is the “right path”… I also find it so saddening that Rin is burdened as the supervisor of this land and it’s people, so she has to harden her heart and kill Sakura to protect them. The Holy Grail War between a Rin and Shirou who have both sacrificed Sakura must be a painful one.

I never realised how much I needed Shirou to choose to protect Sakura instead of persisting in being a superhero until I actually made the choice and went to the Tiger Dojo haha. Although he’s choosing to protect the person he loves, I don’t feel like he’ll be completely abandoning his ideals, because as he said to Sakura before, if she’s doing something bad, he will scold her, and I think in this case, he will with the best of his ability stop her from causing any more harm and he will risk his life to do it, whilst using his life to atone for it if Sakura kills anyone. Ooh, so if Shirou chooses to protect Sakura, Kotomine uses up his Magic Crest (he just used up all the magic that was built up through generations!) to treat Sakura and is able to remove most of the crest worm! I guess he’s really interested in seeing how much suffering Sakura’s existence will cause upon Shirou and Rin lol. Sakura’s loss of magical energy is slowly eroding her sanity?! So that’s where the shadow comes from, huh? She’ll eventually lose all sense of herself due to that loss from the crest worm huh.. You know, with the way things have gone, a lot of people may say it’s cliche, and that even the part where Sakura unleashes all her true feelings and thoughts to Shirou is within reason of what you would expect her to say and him to react to, but I couldn’t help but have my heart crushed by it all. And I think that’s because a lot of it stems from the fact that I’ve read through the other routes. If I didn’t read through the previous two routes, I don’t think Shirou’s dilemma between choosing Sakura and persisting as a superhero would hit me as hard, because if I didn’t see his perseverance and unwavering determination, I wouldn’t truly understand how hard of a decision it was for Shirou to choose Sakura (even if he intends on saving everyone else along with her) because he is carrying the risk that people could die by allowing her to live, and Shirou choosing that shows how much he cares for Sakura and how much he doesn’t want to lose her. For Sakura, this is the first time you ever really get to see her true raw emotions of everything she has felt this whole time, and seeing her cruel past contrasted with how everything was in the beginning, you can really see how the “boring” slice of life parts of her life in each route was really what kept her going this whole time, Shirou gave her hope even if he was oblivious, he gave her happiness in the simplest form she could imagine and hope for, and now seeing Shirou choosing to help keep her simple happiness over everything else really melts my heart because of how much she had suffered all this time by herself. When Shirou said he would be her superhero, it honestly felt bittersweet because it really feels like a very painful compromise of his dream, yet it was also beautiful because it also means that Shirou has finally found something he himself deems to be more important than anything, for once in his life, he’s chosen to be a “normal selfish” person.

It’s kinda cute how awkward they were the morning after they had sex lol. I think the funniest thing was the fact that Rider was there the whole time they were having breakfast hahaha, she didn’t say anything at all so I didn’t notice lol. It’s kinda saddening that Sakura is riddled with competing emotions of not wanting Shirou to be hurt, but also being happy that Shirou is getting hurt for her now since she’s suffered all this time and he was oblivious to her pain. Although she’s leaning more towards being happy that he’s getting hurt for her, I feel like she’s being influenced by the worm and the shadow etc and is being consumed by the darkness into feeling like that. But of course I’m sure it stems from a part of her that feels like that, I just feel like the shadow probably amplifies all those negative emotions. Although I should have expected to see Saber Alter considering what happened to Caster, it was still kinda saddening to see her appear like that. And lol, legit there’s going to a whole army of the Servants as an Alter version with how the mud is consuming them all… Saber Alter looks pretty cool, mainly her armour though, her face looks a bit too…dead? I always hate seeing Archer die😭 Especially when he sacrifices himself to protect Rin. It also seems like he has some sort of regret towards Illya too? Was he not able to save her in other times or something? Anyway, it’s interesting that Archer is able to kinda like “combine” with Shirou and grant him the battle experience etc he had? On the other hand, I really wonder how Shirou is going to react when he realises what the shadow actually is… I find it quite fascinating that they could transplant Archer’s arm to Shirou (since he lost his left arm to the shadow when he protected Illya), and that it doesn’t disappear because now the arm is being supported by Shirou’s magical energy now. Lmao at Illya and Rin arguing about Shirou being their Servant since for Illya, she didn’t kill him the whole time the war was on, and for Rin, Archer gave his arm to Shirou and saved his life so he should take Archer’s place now was pretty funny hahaha. It was hard to pick between the two, but seeing Illya so happy if you pick being “her Servant”, it’s kinda worth it haha.

I’ve never really been interested in Kirei, but it was nice to know that his father called him Kirei because he hoped for him to be beautiful, moralistic and I guess, a good person. And he lived up to those expectations, but never felt anything for doing what he did, so in the end, even though he did “beautiful” things that his father was proud of, he was never really the “beautiful person” he was supposed to be. It’s interesting that he forced himself to continue like that hoping he could understand this beauty through being a priest etc like his father, but I wonder, if Kirei didn’t feel so restrained by being the beautiful person he was supposed to be all his life and instead questioned it when he realised it, would he have turned out the same way? I know he says he finds beauty and interest in other people suffering and all the supposedly “bad” stuff, but I feel like questioning what’s good and bad is a part of life, and I feel like if he actually allowed himself to ponder it more instead of actually doing these “bad things” to see how it affected him, maybe he could have also understood himself better and understood his father’s beliefs better. Now, instead of questioning things, he’s just gone all out to do all the stuff that makes people suffer in order to satisfy himself for all the “happiness” he lacked when he was doing good stuff. I think in a sense, it’s kinda saddening that Kirei never really got the chance to explore himself properly because he was so obsessed about what was so great about doing good imo. I don’t blame Sakura for getting angry at Shirou. It’s like, if it was still before when he wanted to hide the war from Sakura I would understand, but she’s a crucial part to the war now, and it’s obvious that his arm isn’t really his anymore, it’s really disrespectful of him to lie to her that it’s just a bit of an injury, it’ll only make Sakura worry even more and think of herself as even more useless. His kindness will kill her someday honestly lol. I’m glad Shirou reflected on his actions quickly and apologised for prioritising “looking tough” for Sakura rather than her feelings.

Overall, for now, there’s nothing much to say about the fights since they’re really just the shadow eating up everyone lol. As for the emotions though, I’m really liking how Shirou has been dealing with the ups and downs of caring for Sakura and prioritising her. His decision was definitely the highlight of the ten days, but I also really enjoyed seeing how cute and innocent Illya was. Kinda wish she did get her own route haha. Otherwise, things are just building up for now as usual, so nothing much to comment! I’ll still say that although I see why Sakura is the way she is, I honestly still find her a rather lacklustre heroine where I don’t particularly feel anything for her? It’s like, for Saber, I got annoyed sometimes with how stubborn she was, but Shirou was also stubborn so fair enough, and I just really loved Rin because of how cool and great she was etc. But for Sakura, I honestly don’t dislike her or like her because I still feel like she’s more of a trope than a character to me? It feels like she’s there to push Shirou into doing what he needs to do to protect her, but on the other hand, there’s nothing really interesting about her? Maybe that’ll change in the second half though, so we shall see~ Honestly though, I just don’t want to see Rin or Illya die🥺

[dotthings]

WHOA SPN THAT WAS SO MUCH so this got a little along. 

Oh the callbacks in the episode. So many. Starting with Pamela freakin’ Barnes to put is in a S4 mindset. She was delightful as always, I’m sorry this is a one-off and only in Dean’s mind but she’s still a wonderful character.

So...the place Michael tucks Dean away in to keep him calm, living the dream, is a bar, like Harvelles, and they still hunt, but Dean mostly runs the bar, Sam and Cas are on a hunt, and Dean seems into running this place of solace for people with a jukebox and pool table and beer. I think this is drawn from some authentic piece of Dean’s dreams of retirement, it’s not sand-between-the-toes, but it does seem to fit with what Dean might want. It’s not a real memory and it’s not fully authentic though because Michael constructs it to keep Dean placated but it’s all built from material inside Dean’s mind. Michael gave Dean a version of his contentment and it’s inside the hunting world. Which...haven’t a lot of us been talking about this, not the either/or, that they don’t have to entirely quit the life to find a life within the life. This fit into that theme. 

Pamela and Dean’s banter was fun and oh, that little exchange “You don’t want me, you just like to flirt. I’m a psychic. I know these things.” She’s constructed from Dean’s memories. Dean controls everything there. Dean’s own brain is trying to tell him something. This fits realllly well with a bi-Dean reading. And endgame Destiel. He likes to flirt and he’ll flirt with both genders but what does he really want in the end. Just throwing that out there. And let’s think for a moment how Dean’s mind created subtext that suits a bi Dean and Destiel endgame read.

“We have shifts now because you mess up so, so many things.” I LOLed.

Interesting there’s a callback to Gadreel not Lucifer for Sam relating one of his past possessions experiences to this. Given the themes Michael uses to taunt Sam and Cas and Jack with, Gadreel is a callback to a storyline that was about Dean crossing a line to save Sam, a story about Dean as a caretaker, saving a family member. 

Jack’s belief in Dean. My heart. This following on his early S14 tactless comments, followed by his confession about why he felt so desperate to stop Michael and he and Dean relating to each other’s sense of self-blame and desperation. That was mostly resolved, between them, but in terms of the ongoing story, seeing the extent Jack believes in Dean, this is advancing. 

“Dean. He’s strong. You don’t know anything about Dean.” I’m bolding for a reason--instance #1 of Dean’s family calling him strong.

And then, instance #1 of of Michael trying to demoralize and undermine. “You’re not Sam, you’re not Cas. You’re a new burden he was handed.” Taunting Jack with not being cared for, with being unwanted, by Dean, that it was forced on him. There was some tension on that in S13 initially. By season 14, with the development of the arcs, Dean chose this, but Jack is afraid he didn’t. Jack may also be carrying similar fears or guilt about Sam and Cas, given the origins and history. 

So the source of Cas’s death-glare in the promo was Michael taunting Cas about God, suggesting that Chuck just gives up on one world, and moves onto the next and that’s why there are so many AU’s. It might be true. Cas seems really outraged about it and is probably scared it is true. We’re maybe not done with Cas’s daddy issues, his faith or lack thereof in his Father.

Jensen and Misha were spectacular playing off each other in this scene and their whole dynamic transformed because Dean isn’t Dean, same as in S4, their dynamic transformed when Misha was playing Jimmy not Cas, which gets into a whole thing about how they inhabit Dean and Cas and have to switch off certain switches of their innate chemistry and find different switches instead to do this and I’m rambling, I’m having a Jensen and Misha as acting team moment here.

Then Michael aims  taunting #2 . “Look at you. Playing nursemaid to a nephilim. Nothing like the Castiel I knew. He would’ve never been so anemic.”

Cas’s answer “You’re confusing loyalty and compassion with weakness.”

Cas with all the growth and character development isn’t weak. His vulnerabilities are part of what makes him a whole character. I’m glad Cas sees himself this way too, he’s more than one thing.

Did Jack...just offer up a little piece of his soul for Dean? Oh ok. I’m fine. *hoists flag of surrender* I’ll just stop even trying not to have feelings about that. 

Then we’re in Dean’s mind.

*internal screaming*

I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS. I was really excited for the premise of this ep and wanted this but I was not read for...this.

Lots of recognizable sound bytes but “You’re gonna die and this is what you’re going to become” jumped out at me.

*shrieking*

Yeah so. Uh. This is the point in the episode where I started crying. 

And then Cas starts sensing out the void and says “So much trauma in Dean’s mind. So many scars” and that didn’t help me stop crying at all. The mere fact of Cas, surrounded by Dean’s mindspace and surrounded by Dean’s traumatic memories, witnessing this, I need to lie down and stare the ceiling and have feelings. BRB. 

When Cas touched Dean’s soul in Hell, and pulled him out, and put his soul back into his body, he maybe didn’t go in that deep, seeing Dean’s memories and all of that. 

And Sam isn’t that shook. “Dean’s strong,” Sam says. There’s the 2nd instance of that phrase about Dean. Sam knows Dean’s been through a lot. He’s not getting what Cas is getting at yet, why Cas is so shook, and I think it’s part Cas hasn’t witnessed it in quite this way yet and part it’s that Cas has already figured out the extent of exactly what Michael’s doing inside Dean’s head and Sam hasn’t.

Oh and hey, speaking of callbacks, since the ep firmly planted us in season four-ville, remember when Sam thought Dean was too weak and so he had to step up and drink demon blood, to make sure Dean was never torn to pieces ever again. Not that Sam managed to prevent that. So much has happened and now this Sam, sees Dean as strong.

“You’ve both been through a lot, and Dean is more than strong.” The 3rd instance, this time from Cas.

With a variation now. 

Dean is more than strong.

Dean is more than strong.

My heart’s gonna explode into little rainbows. That’s how Cas, specifically, sees Dean. Jack sees Dean as strong. Sam sees Dean as strong. Cas sees Dean as more than strong.

This is Dean through Cas’s eyes. This is Cas who in S10 looked at Dean, who said "I’m not any kind of a role model” and looked so sad and insisted “that’s not true.” Because he does know Dean and what Dean has gone through and remember he saw Dean in Hell.

*flaily hands* this is SO MUCH. BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE.

MICHAEL DROWNED DEAN IN HIS OWN TRAUMA. 

*rocks back and forth*

Trauma wasn’t enough the first time though. Dean kept kicking and fighting. Squirming. Because “Dean thrives on trauma.” Sam does, in fact get his brother quite well. It keeps Dean awake and aware and fighting to go home. Cas then raises the concept of “contentment” being where they will find Dean instead of the trauma this time because that’s a fresher concept for Dean and therefore more potent in keeping him docile. JUST STAB ME. 

“The people in your real life. We need you to come back.” 

HOW ABOUT IF I JUST SIT HERE QUIETLY SOBBING FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I KEEP TYPING DOES THAT WORK FOR EVERYONE. 

Cas. Cas baby, you got all the way to a “we need you.” Brave little toaster, you’re halfway to an “I” statement. Baby steps. 

Another great callback, Sam using “Poughkeepsie.” Cas’s lack of an “I” statement plea about how much he’s needed, Dean just scoffs a little, but Sam reaches for a very personal code word, so it’s a virtual “I” statement, between him and his brother, and that’s what breaks Dean free of the loop. Gotta use the “I” statements. It needed to be more personal and Cas is still not able to articulate what he needed to in order to break through that. S8 Cas is very lucky Dean is good with using the “I” statement, progressing from “We need you...I need you” and broke through the brainwashing.

Michael, the biggest anti-TFW stan to ever anti-stan, then spills 2 more instance of demoralization, by voicing the most negative fears of what Sam and Cas are to Dean. He mocks Cas’s iconic introductory line and taunts him that all he’s done since then is make mistakes (Michael’s an anti-Cas stan...an anti-Jack stan...an anti-Sam stan)...and then Michael starts in on Sam, taunting with how happy Dean was when Sam left Dean to hunt alone with John.

"They’re you’re responsibilities. They’re a weight around your neck.”

This is cutting deep. This isn’t to demoralize Dean, this is to get Sam and Cas to give up. Michael’s using things that are rooted in some darker fears, and maybe some things that should be addressed about the familial dynamics but they aren’t truth-truths. Dean has carried so much on his shoulders. But none of Michael’s tauntingly demoralizing statements are truth about how Dean feels about Jack or Sam or Cas. (Small fandom side note, I can just imagine various extremes in the fandom using Michael’s taunts to hoist their own anti flags as if canon just verified their viewpoints when Michael is deadass the villain and the words meant to hurt and not what Dean actually feels and if you use it for one you don’t like, another exists aimed at your faves too. Oh it’s diabolical).

I said before the ep aired that Michael would be worse than Lucifer when he taunts because Lucifer is a raspberry blowing asshole child, while Michael knows how to do surgical strikes. And Michael is quietly vicious wow.

Side note into Jack using his powers at extreme need but it eats a tiny piece of his soul. Which isn’t exactly what I expected. I thought they might have him be able to start, a little, tapping into the powers at extreme need and it being adrenaline based, like early Sam’s powers. Or think Luke in the cave on Hoth. Returning gradually. But this is Jack purposefully burning up a little piece of his soul to do it and...this is not going to end well. This is not good. Let’s not head for soulless Jack. Can we not do that please. I’m just starting to get attached to him, he’s already died once, come on.

Sam, Dean, and Cas working in concert to trap Michael together in the storage room. HELL YES THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL THIS IS WHAT I WANTED.

Dean’s “I got him” -- that sound you heard is me screaming for 8 million years because Swan Song callback, flipped from Sam to Dean. I got him.

“I’m the cage.”

Ok no one has said that before. It is a slight callback to S6 Great Wall of Sam and gee that’s not going to hold forever. This is not good.

Oh crap, Billie. Oh crap what is happening. What does this mean, no no no. Please tell me this isn’t going to have to be Dean sacrificing himself to save the world from himself possessed by Michael burning the world.

I really needed Sam, Dean, and Cas to talk about some of the stuff that went on while they were in Dean’s mind but I’m really happy (destroyed) by this ep. I did have some high expectations for it but wasn’t sure how high to set them, but this journey into Dean’s head went to some emotional spots I really needed it to go to and I think moves their arcs, together, forward...Sam and Cas witnessing all that. Seeing how much Sam and Cas each in different ways understand Dean. How Sam, Dean, and Jack all think so highly of him. *cries* Showing how far they’ve come.

OK THANKS FOR DROWNING ME IN DEAN TRAUMA YOCKEY

[gotgifsandmusings]

GoT 7x07 Musings

My initial reaction to “The Dragon and the Wolf”

Available for $49.99 at Macy’s!

Well, I was wrong last week, and how the hell was I fooled again? I thought the fact that people were paying attention to logic over spectacle meant criticisms might last, but wow. No. Rave reviews for probably one of the most plodding, unmotivated, illogical episodes of the show. The only time I wasn’t bored to tears was when I was pissed off (Theon), or literally LOLing (Bran-bot).

Let’s dive in. Or you could read Jess’s much more coherent analysis first.

Cheryl’s Landing

This entire thing, the whole sequence showing Deadpan’s troops marching and how impressive everything was, just reminded me how little sense them negotiating for a cease-fire even means

WHAT ARE THEY WORRIED CHERYL IS GOING TO DO

do they just want her to grind her troops down too? Because they didn’t ask her to do that

is Deadpan that attached to Dragonstone?

they literally brought a wight and got one of Deadpan’s dragons killed so they could have proof, so Cheryl would just sit her pretty head on the Iron Throne and…keep on keepin’ on

D&D must be paid by the word “cock”

I really don’t want to dive into the other walk-and-talks. Of course Pod’s dick arc continued. Of course Brienne and Sandor chummed it up about Arya (actually that one worked fairly well). Of course Tyrion and Bronn…I don’t even know. D&D are not half as good at writing these scenes as they think they are.

I loved the pit being an abandoned colosseum (wtf were the Targs *doing* with their dragons) way the hell away from the city.

That’s some nice stadium seating! 

I actually thought it was dumb of Deadpan not to show up with just Drogon. That could be her mount. Pretend the other two are resting. Bringing 2 dragons would just raise questions, like it did.

Cleganebowl is coming guys. Pushing towards healing is a DUMB arc.

It was physically painful to have a scene with these two powerful-ass queens sitting while the menz patiently explained the situation.

Anyone want to venture a guess who Euron was playing this week? I think I’ve got my impression of him down at least

So. Okay. The wight acted not like a wight’s ever acted before, but whatever; props to Jonny for bringing a visual display to the quarterly review.

Here’s the thing: Cheryl and Euron already knew about the Golden Company, which meant Cheryl and Euron already knew they weren’t going to take part in whatever kumbaya truce they were angling for

This means LITERALLY EVERYTHING THAT WAS SAID IS USELESS until the Cheryl/Larry breakup

Cheryl asked Jonny not to take any sides. If he had said yes, what would she have done with the Golden Company, exactly? They’d still be coming. So it was a meaningless request of no purpose. Or did she think offering her aid would lead to that outcome, in which case…what would she have done with the Golden Company, exactly? It doesn’t sound like she was ever actually going to offer her aid (how would that have worked, by the way?), especially the way she told Larry about her deal with Euron…so why was she asking for this? Was it just so Jon could get chided about being stupid so he could then assert that his dad was kind of cool for being honorable?

You can keep playing logical loopy loop with that question, just like the Tyrion/Cheryl convo was a big loopy loop.

Cheryl touching her belly to play Tyrion was super clever in isolation, except the reveal she was playing him still leaves the question like HOW DO YOU FAKE FIGHTING THE ARMY OF THE DEAD? Also they didn’t even ask Cheryl for that. What did Tyrion *want* from her, exactly? What does anyone want? AHHHHHH

The Jonerys sexual tension was laughable. Deadpan was regarding Jon like a moron.

Wow just look at that crackling chemistry.

Could Missandei have like…done anything? She and Grey Worm didn’t even get a moment wth?

Cherry Bomb’s explosion was so unmotivated. Cheryl was making decent points, especially since after the force, with Jon and Deadpan’s alliance, they’re fucked. This was no worse than blowing up a sept and that this was the straw that broke Larry’s back was seriously moronic.

I did like the snow on Larry. Makes me wish we had gotten AFFC adapted.

Dragonstone

It’s not worth talking about the scene that existed to be like “however will boatsex happen?”

The Jon/Theon scene kind of pissed me off, though I know it worked for some people. It’s not even really Theon being a captive of Ned’s so “YOU SHOULD LOVE HIM” is an odd message. It’s that our whole fucking justification for Sansa’s rape-revenge arc, other than making her the player she needed to be (I’m going to hurl), was that it was more dramatically satisfying to have Theon rescue a real Stark and right that “great sin” of betraying them.

And remember how at the beginning of S6, it actually seemed like the Theon/Sansa relationship was…something? But then he had plot things to do and fucked off in favor if his “real” sister, because fuck thematic significance?

My point is, out of all the ‘Starks’ to forgive Theon, it was *Sansa* who specifically mattered, as horrifying and awful a decision as it was, and they just punted out anything between them so Theon could get screamed at and triggered by his blood-relative sister. And after all that shit, they NOW try and pull back in the Stark Significance and how if Jonny gives him a nod of approval, it’s all fine? No. Fuck that.

Also fuck to bloody hell the scene of Theon winning over the Ironboors by HAR HAR not feeling anything when he gets kneed in the crotch, and proceeding to punch a guy to death (or whatever)

It was Larry stopping a sword with his golden hand, but even less tasteful. Especially in the same episode with the worst-written eunuch jokes heard to date.

Winterhell

I mean…what’s to even say? Sansa was playing Batfinger this entire time? Or did she decide the guy needs to be executed *after* Arya threatened her life (in private) because that could win over her little sister’s loyalty

Or was Arya in on it, but you never know when Batfinger is hiding in the floorboards

When was Bran in on it? Did he seek out Sansa, complement the dress she wore the day she was pulled from her horse in the King’s Landing riot, and then tell her all his dirty deets? Did Sansa ask him to do her a solid because Arya was trying to kill them?

At what point was Arya clued in? Was that political show in the hall something she knew about?

And why was this whole drawn out thing to punk Batfinger necessary anyway? Did she think it’d be more dramatically satisfying if he was surprised? He’d probably have been surprised if she did it at the end of last season, because she had the Lysa Card in her pocket for YEARS now, not to mention he sold her to the Boltons and lied about it to everyone

Okay. Cool. Batfinger is dead. Hoisted by his own petard…or something. Except not at all

D&D’s desire to keep us guessing until the last minute is just more of this “omg here’s the twist” writing where everything seems random and unmotivated. Sometimes there’s a satisfaction in a well-executed plan that we watch unfold, and shit.

Also, is Sansa just that over Arya threatening to literally kill her? “Eh, you’re strong.” It was nice seeing sisters *not* wanting to kill each other for a scene, but the fuck?

That said, glad to see a continuation of the sith robe in Winterhell

But who wore it better?

Boatsex montage ft. Sam and Bran

Sam sidling in is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. And of course Bran emotes for him more than any of his family all year.

I want a montage of Bran telling people he’s the 3ER and them all shrugging “I don’t know what that is.” Sansa did it best

Bran literally just…opened his mouth and expo-dumped. This is “that’s my father!” but extended for like 5 solid fucking minutes

Also it’s amazing that Sam took in anything Gilly was saying about Ragger because hmmm….wouldn’t you think that kind of thing NEEDS FOLLOW-UP?

Okay okay. So. Ragger annulled Elia which means Rhaenys and Aegon were legally speaking, disinherited. And I guess this means that Ragger is now forfeit of any parenting duties? He just really likes the name Aegon and is free to pass it on to Lyanna

She’s not even pregnant! Or if somehow she was, women die in childbirth! Who the fuck disinherits their kids when they’re the heir of a throne in a feudal order? He even had a boy named Aegon already! WHAT THE FUCK

The power of love compelled him to say “fuck all” to the line of succession and piss off the entirety of Dorne? Ragger is kind of lucky the war broke out…

”They were in love.” Good guy Ragger doesn’t kidnap 15-year-olds…he makes sure to woo them first (god the power differential there)

Now for boatsex itself, which was shown over this crapshack montage. Deadpan and Jonny didn’t even SPEAK before this. They’re just like…bored, and then they fuck. There’s sweet music and a voiceover *about* love, so it must mean they’re IN love?? How does that work? All I could think of was this.

Where was this love supposed to have been built? The caves? That time Missandei shipped it? I’m so confused.

Then as if to confirm this was just Jonny and Deadpan trying to fuck away the hours (why not, honestly? Get some.), we are treated to Tyrion outside their door looking like…hurt that this means they’re not going to play Scrabble with him or something

And the Wall came tumbling down

Ice magic + fire-made-flesh = blue fire that’s super hot. Okay.

This looked nice? I think? Kind of hard to take dragonriding Shogun seriously, but the effects were good

Whatever fear I used to have of the Army of the Dead is gone. They showed it to us too early or it’s become too similar to “generic forces of bad” a la orcs in ROTK or something. They’re just dudes, shuffling over. With percussive music.

I have to find a way to cut this to the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme like I did last year.

What a waste of a season.

Top 3 nitpicks:

Zombie!Gregor’s mere existence in a scene about the danger of the walking dead

Dothraki are a two week ride from Winterhell. Just…don’t give us numbers D&D. It’s not helping

Grey Worm and the Unsullied being TOTALLY FINE after Euron’s fleet had shown up at Casterly Rock like, weeks ago? Is this even a nitpick??

[survivetashirojima]

Episode #1- “This cast...this cast...this cast.“ -Timmy

who’s ready to get atomic up in this bitch?

okay so, first impressions(Aka First night vibes) Brien- you seem cool JG - KALOKAIRI BUDS Dylan - I have played 2 games with you, what up bud! Stephen - the third of the many Kalokairi Kevin - haven't played with you before, but im excited to Andrew- Heyo, you hosted me, im super excited to your playing style. Jacob- I've been in VL's with you but never played. Timmy- yet another Kalokairi buddy Jay? - you seem really cool. Joanna- I can't wait to play with you Julia- Montenegro gal! please don't vote me out first this time. Madison- i feel like we are going to confused for eachother alot. Pat- I want to get to know you better Tom- I have feelings about you, but I can't tell if they are good or bad yet Veni- BRO you don't know how happy i am to see you Ricky- I have a good feeling about you dude. Kenny- i can't wait to play with you! and to vibe check myself? STRESSED. this twist gave me a panic attack. we are good now. i am already freaking out about keeping my grade up (since i'm already failing a class) and challege is tonight and i have no time to do it. FUCK.

Day 2: still alone lost in the vast wilderness. No civilization in sight... the gods have forsaken me.... someone please send help... wait what is that I see? A camp? PEOPLE???? ITS BEEN SO LONG!!! Jkjk the hosts added the wrong person so I got added in like 2 hours after the actual start which isnt terrible Bc now i can just pretend I’m a pitiful little soul. Also like 1/3of the cast is people I’ve played with before but I haven’t even touched skype in like a year and a half so I have no idea any of them anymore!!! I hope we can all be friends again since from what I can remember, we were all on pretty good terms. My reaction to the “twist” is, it’s amazing. It fits my play style much more. Who needs idols? I rarely ever went to search for one and I was fine? Maybe... oof... also the whole everyone is in one tribe thing is really cool. More the merrier. It’s just really annoying Bc Skype is a pos. Anyways so far so good and I’m loving the people that are in the cast so far. Amazing cast and even more amazing hosts. I love all of them

okay so. first game back since surgery. olivia and lukas, love those bitches, but i was like i'm a working woman now so do you think that my work will interfere too much? and they were like nah, and i was like okay, so naturally, the first (live) challenge starts right in the middle of my shift. and this one tribe thing, wacky. this is gonna be one comeback game (if i get voted out first i am going to get surgery again and then never come back ever) (jk) (...kinda)

I wanna win immunity 😭😭😭

This cast...this cast...this cast. So i know like 90% of these people. I'm currently hosting 4 of them...was hosting 5. It's a very strong cast which is great, but it also means that anyone can go at any time. I'm just gonna talk about them in order of the cast reveal. Brien: I've never spoken to him and have still yet to. He's one of the people in ihos but he's quiet there. Andrew: another ihos person who I haven't spoken to. I've seen him around for years but we've never played a game together. Or at least have never been on the same tribe. Madison: big titty queen. I love her with all my heart and I have no idea what is going to happen with her. She messy but amazing so who knows. She did meet JG and Jacob in person a few weeks ago so they are all close, so i do need to keep an eye out for all of them, even though I am close with them. Ricky: another ihos, and he is friends with Andrew. I doubt he's going to work with me so that is concerning. But it's early so who knows. I'm already getting bored of typing things about everyone. Kevin: no idea, but he seems nice. Madeleine: A true queen and a sweetheart. Julia: no comment. Pat: i've seen him win 2 games that i have played with him. He is quiet but dangerous and I need to watch out for him in time, but for now he will be a good ally. Stephen: king, but does tend to go early. Idk where he will stand this game but we're already in an alliance together. Vi: haven't seen her in over a year, kind person. Dylan: cracked Kenny: no idea Joanna: scary legend who will go hard, but has been very quiet thus far. I wonder who quit right before the start of the game. Jacob: we never talk, but as of now he is who i have been talking to the most and I really do trust him. I am hoping this game is different for us and that we will actually work together. I'm excited to see what happens. Thomas: can't wait for him to strike out JG: King, who also is close with a few people, but i do trust him, but he can be a snake. Jay: It's been a minute since he's played. Not sure how to feel.

I GOT A POINT WOOOHOOOOOOOOO ONLY MISSED THE FIRST HALF OF THIS CHALLENGE

So. Uh. I got -3 points. I’m so talented.  It’s okay though. I pretty sure I’ll be voted out first so it doesn’t matter how low of a score I get. I’m just trying to bribe everyone else with cute animal pictures DX even if people hate me, maybe they’ll keep me just for more cute animals.

Update: I lost another 5 points. Let me die already... at this point I don’t even need to piss off everyone else to lose. I’ll probably get like -500 points and automatically get kicked out of the game for being bad

-22 baby. I petition for the hosts to change the chat name from Tashirojima Challenge chat to Challenge chat. What the fuck. I keep reading it as the main chat Bc tashirojima seems like a tribe name. AT THIS RATE MY JEST OF -50 POINTS IS ACTUALLY GONNA COME TRUE!!!! AHHHHHH WHAT ALLIANCES I CANT EVEN FOLLOWRULES LET ALONE FIGURE OUT HOW TO WIN PEOPLE OVER TO MY SIDE ahhhhhHhhhhHhHHHHHH

Night 2 Vibe Check! (Featuring a quite drunk Maddie!) Andrew- haven’t talked to you much, but I want talk to you more! Ricky- you seem cool, we haven’t Talked yet today Tom- smooth Dylan, damn you and your fast phone Kevin- you are a freaking challenge beast! JG- I missed talking with you, I’m glad we are again Stephen- I hope you feel better soon! Jacob- you are good at challenge (This is where I stopped and started the next morning when I was sober) Jay- you’re cool! I like you Julia- imma take you to the end sister. Love you! You make me feel safe In this game Pat- I can’t quite get a read on you yet Vi- I can’t believe they added the wrong person! You are really cool! Love ya! Brien- you are really nice! Timmy- I am super excited that we are playing together again! Joanna- I’m sorry I keep forgetting your here! Kenny- you seem really cool but I need to get to know you better Madison- I don’t think we’ve talked yet, but I want to. And how I’m feeling, well I just lost immunity, so I don’t feel safe, I’m interested to see how this goes, this season is definitely interesting!

Hey out there! Long time no see! To be honest, I don't really have the first idea at what I'm doing. I kinda missed the first day and a half because I was working and then immediately went out with friends, but I think I'm making up for it! I'm starting to chat one-on-one with people, no strategy talk yet though. Which could be real dangerous since I don't have immunity, but there are people that just...haven't talked at all, as far as I can tell at least. Luckily I have a few prior connections in Madison, Joanna, and Andrew. I know Pat and Ricky too but I'm iffy on how they feel about me. I'm pretty sure I ghosted Pat's game earlier this year, SORRY PAT! I got busy and then I felt too embarrassed to show back up D: and I've just never been too sure about if Ricky likes me or not. But other than that I've talked a bit to Madeleine and Vi and I love them both, messy challenge chat icons. I totally missed some messages from Brien, Jacob, and Kevin though, but I've messaged them all back now so hopefully they don't hold that against me. Tribal isn't until tomorrow, so I assume that's when the real scrambling will begin. I just don't know when to jump into alliance talks, I don't want to play too hard too fast. But then I again, I want the chance to play at all.

Idk why Vi was so hard pressed on me not getting immunity. First it seemed like a joke, then they..... were really into it.

Interesting notes from within the first few days: Me/Jacob/JG recently met irl so that's cute Ricky/Andrew I think met a few months ago or something Brien and Pat are both from Philly hmmmm Everyone and their mother works retail in this game so we all suffer together or not at all Day 2 i got an alliance with Jacob and Timmy so that's cute but I'll probably be out first because let's face it I'm a threatening human and i ain't afraid to pull a machete on these kiddos.

Night 3 tea spill!* *has been cancelled due to emotions

So far I’m loling brien, and Vi. Madeline is kind of annoying if I’m honest. BUT we’re all in an alliance. I have a few familiar faces, Jay, Madison, Joanna, so I’m excited to see what happens this season

https://youtu.be/-_5c-vMFG9E

Quick Cast Assessment Time: Brien: we're in ihos spain together and we talk on and off but apparently ricky was like omg look at this ihos crew and brien was like whos andrew so i think thats where we're at rn. might work with him might not who knows Dylan: biiiig dylan fan personally and i know he can be sketch in games so i wanna be on his good side so he doesnt fuck me over right away Jacob: cool dude but ticking time bomb and idk if i can work with him but maybe i can work with him by proxy of ricky.......if he shows even one sign of being a bad ally he's literally out of this game Jay: furry back back back again and him and i usually work well together so im hoping something can come from that JG: i like him personally but hes just one of those people that exudes almost constant sketchiness which idk if thats necessarily his fault lmao and yeah idk i have to keep an eye on him Joanna: nice girl! wanna get to know her better for sure. i neglected to message her up until today when she actually messaged me first so whoops Julia: absolute crackhead who doesnt like me for funsies bc shes a troll but i think more and more people are hopefully seeing her mentally unhinged troll thing as tired lately and i really dont want her to last very long Kenny: i havent talked to him yet but hes a cool dude that i played literally one game with like two years ago so idk maybe we can reconnect Kevin: so i think he probably literally talks to everyone in the exact same fake nice gay man way so i have to be mindful that its prob just not me that hes overly nice to bc i know he can be intense and i know he can be good at these games so hes one im gonna try to keep close but also be willing to cut at any time Maddie: literal love of my fucking life who i want to work with closely in this game bc i know shes loyal and i know she can have my back if she trusts me enough Madison: nnnnnnn i mean i called her stupid in a diary room from bb gilmore over the summer which i think prompted her to leave our reunion chat so not the best start there. also i think her and jacob are up each others asses ever since they met irl so love that for me Pat: i just know hes mildly attractive Ricky: absolute number one ally who i trust with my entire coochie and the goal is to hopefully subtly run this entire game together Stephen: a nice man! we havent played together in a while and we worked together in that one game so maybe we can reconnect maybe idk Timmy: havent had the best personal experiences with him attacking my friends in vls.........idk i just find him annoying lmao is that mean Tom: hopefully going home tonight! Vi: i literally dont know if this is even a real person like i know she got goated in her first main series game for being the actual worst and then we brought her back for seychelles where she was one of the worst players ive ever seen so maybe she'll just disappear one day so i dont have to deal with her

I’m only voting tom cause that’s the only vote I’ve been told. It’s probably wrong but we’ll see

First off: https://drive.google.com/file/d/10IWN3bqYXYdJ232wG5fUhPmnDee8SP2i/view?usp=drivesdk damn thing finally loaded Second: God Vi gets on my nerves. Intentionally. I need to remember to just not talk to her or she’ll manipulate the view point to make me seem bad. She can’t play survivor to save her life but she’s god can she fuck up someone elses game. I look forward to voting her out.  

CASUALTIES:

EPISODE 1 CAST ASSESSMENT:

PART 1:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jztyauZhcBY&list=PLB-4yJ0EHce-bxHQVmQVdrV6tx36_6Jly&index=5&t=0s

PART 2:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjoFbmrLSTc&list=PLB-4yJ0EHce-bxHQVmQVdrV6tx36_6Jly&index=5

[tyrwinthyr]

Episode 1, part 3

Sheila thumped the ridges of the corrugated metal walls on her way inside. The room was small and spartan.  It had a bed, a nightstand with a lamp, and a small closet. At least someone had made an attempt at hominess by painting it beige.

“I love the décor,” she quipped, “So glad I didn’t go to jail…”

“I’m heading to the Egg & I for breakfast.  Any requests?”  Zbrozek poised at the door, one hand on the handle.

“The veggie Benedict seems somehow appropriate.”

The man sighed as he closed the door, “Back in an hour, take a nap.” 

Sheila’s stomach growled, and she instantly regretted trying to get a rise out of the Lieutenant. A soy latte would have gone a long way towards making her day better.  An hour would give her plenty of time, though, so she got to work.

Closing the closet door, she focused on the portal in her bedroom.  After moistening her ring and pinky fingers with spit, she drew a quick symbol on the surface.  To her, the rune had always reminded her of a letter ‘P’ with an arrow sticking out of its ‘eye.’

“Cúldoras,” she intoned, pushing hard on the word as she said it.  It felt a bit like the tightness of a cough in her chest, but it allowed her to channel the energy she needed to open the trod.  The laughter of her white-haired siblings, laughing at the way she scrunched her face, echoed in her ears.  For them, opening the doorways was as easy as breathing.

She waited a moment for the ‘anáil iontrála,’ or ‘breath of entry’ to finish before passing through.  Logically, it was just the equalizing of temperatures and air between the two rooms, but her teacher had said it was the worst luck to step through before it was done.   Once in her apartment, she stuck a rubber stopper into the portal, so it wouldn’t close.

Wearing her silk kimono, hands folded neatly across his chest, lay Gaspar.  To Sheila, he looked like Leyendecker had reimagined a Disney princess.  Her time was short, but she could not resist sliding across the bed to rest her head on his chest.  Without opening his eyes, he started stroking her hair.

“Took you long enough,” he said, voice a little raspy, “I expected you hours ago.”

“There were complications,” she said, her own eyes slipping shut. “I think I made a mistake, Gaz.”  While he petted her, she told him the whole story.

“Firecrotch, hmm?” he chuckled, which turned into a sleepy cough. “I’m surprised you didn’t flash her the hardwood flooring.” Coughing again, he sat up in her bed, carefully placing her horns in his lap.  Dangerous things, horns.

“Contrary to what you believe about me, Sir,” she grumped, pulling her legs closer to her chest in a fetal curl, “I do not just go about giving people flashes of my goods.”  She could feel him soundlessly chuckling at her, so turned her head carefully to look up at him. “Do you think I fucked up?”

Gaspar tapped his lower lip with a delicate index finger, then shrugged noncommittally. “On one hand, you’re working for the Man now. On the other hand, if your previous job was any more banal your horns would have fallen off.  ‘Sides,” he said, patting her motherly-like on the side. “You can’t write to save your life.”

Sheila’s drew into an ‘O’ of surprise. She tried her best to look offended, but it was hard when she knew he was right.  She had never received a reply from her many (many, many) letters, and her campaign adverts were always rewritten.  

“I guess I’ve known for a while now I was only there as the ‘Fae face’ of the organization,” she admitted, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

“It is a pretty face.  People are easily swayed by freckles.” He slid off the other side of the bed, coming around to help her to her hooves. “Think Lindsay Lohan would have gotten anywhere without them?  Don’t think so!”

Sheila shucked her by-now-hated dress, then kicked it towards her dirty laundry pile.  Exasperated, Gaz moved it the extra foot, so it was actually on the pile, then started sorting.  

“Please, don’t,” she reminded him, heading towards her shower. “Could you just find me something to wear?  I’m not sure when I’ll be able to come back.”  He grunted something that sounded like an affirmation, so she closed the door to the bathroom.  She didn’t usually close the door, even when her friend was over, but today she needed the comfort only a bathroom could bring.  

After turning on the water to let the room steam up a bit, she sat on the toilet. The abstract pattern on her linen curtain swam lazily in front of her staring eyes. The sound of the water soothed her as it pummeled into the porcelain. On either side of her sink she had ferns; they enjoyed the moisture as much as she did.  Their earthy, mossy scent got stronger with the steam, filling the air. Closing her eyes, she could nearly feel the forest around her.  

She didn’t enjoy showering as much as she should. With so many advertisements showing women in rapture while they washed, Sheila always wondered if there was something wrong with her. To her, that was just part of staying clean, not a thing to be enjoyed.  It was the pre-showering moments she truly enjoyed. Today was no exception.  After spending time relaxing, she was only in the water for a few minutes. Fastest shower in the west, Gaz had called it once.

As she turned off the water, she heard him talking to someone.  She paused at the edge of her tub, towel held to her chest, ears perking to hear.  Her heart dropped when she recognized the other voice.  Moving quickly, she toweled herself off, tied her hair back, then exited the bathroom. Since Gaspar had appropriated her kimono, Sheila resorted to ‘towel-wrap as clothing.’

Zbrozek raised an eyebrow at her as she stepped in, stopping whatever conversation the two men were having.

“Feeling better?” he asked, his face stoic.  He was leaning on her windowsill just outside the bathroom.

“Infinitely,” she responded, walking past him towards her dresser.

“You didn’t tell me he was so handsome,” Gaz teased, sitting pertly on the edge of her bed. It was no accident that his entire right thigh was showing.

“She shouldn’t have told you anything at all,” grumped the Lieutenant, giving away only the slightest blush at the compliment, “The oath means nothing to you?” She could feel him staring at her back as she shuffled through her underwear.

“It was an oath of constraint,” she replied, finding a suitable pair and sliding it on.  It only took a small adjustment for her tail, which she did while looking over her shoulder at him, “Which means I can’t run away from you, can’t speak of what you forbid, and cannot use any magic against you.”   She waited for him to nod, enjoying the hint of curiosity she saw behind his mask. “I didn’t run, I went for supplies. Technically, I didn’t leave my room.” She pointed towards the still open trod, her room visible on the other side.

Gaspar gamely patted the pile of ‘supplies’; clothing he had gathered, as well as a spare toothbrush and deodorant.

“You didn’t forbid me to tell the story,” she continued, dropping the towel to put on a bra.  His eyes didn’t drop from her face as she turned, the cups in front of her breasts. “Plus, he’s bound to me.  He won’t tell my secrets, and my secrets are your secrets.”

Zbrozek inhaled deeply, then blew it out in an effort to cleanse himself of his frustration.

“You don’t want to play the semantics game with me,” he warned, adjusting his jacket. “You won’t like it much if I restrict you completely.  I’d rather not,” he shrugged, folding his arms, closing the conversation with a blunt, “But I will.”

Sheila missed two hooks on her bra, so Gaz stood up to help her.

“Right,” he said, expertly adjusting her straps. “So, now that’s behind us.  Can we be friends now please and thank you?” He smiled past the satyr at her ‘boss’, eyes merry.

After picking through her clothes, Sheila put on a pair of stretchy blue jeans, then found a purple Luan blouse to go with it. Something about today just screamed puffy sleeves to her.  The silence was definitely the uncomfortable type, so finally she threw something out there just to fill it.

“How did you get back from the Egg and I so fast?” All she needed for the clothes Gaspar had picked out was a backpack.  She noted that everything he had picked was comfortably expensive.  She only had a couple pairs of Lole yoga pants, for instance, but he found them both.

“I got breakfast burritos instead. Something told me you’d do something like this,” the Lieutenant answered, motioning to the portal.

“She’s got a can-do attitude,” Gaz admitted. “If she can, she do.”  Sheila glared at him, which didn’t last long.  His grin was infectious.

“You aren’t supposed to be telling my secrets!” she scolded, shouldering the backpack.  Her friend tsk’d at her, waggling his finger.

“It’s no secret, silly goat,” he said, giving her a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. “The tasty lawman figured it out already, after all.”

The tasty lawman in question colored a little at the cheeks before heading through the portal.  

“Oh, right, almost forgot,” Sheila opened her laptop, logging in for Gaspar. “I’m supposed to meet my brother at the airport, but now I have a good excuse not to see him.”  She opened her email, printing out Simon’s itinerary.

“So, I have to babysit?”

She blew him a kiss while handing him the paper. “He’s cute and straight, two of your favorite things,” she offered. “Plus, my father will hate that I sent you.  How many wins can I stack up here?”

Gaz clucked his tongue, then smacked his lips theatrically, “I guess if I MUST…”

 “You are hereby forbidden from opening any trods without my express permission.” Zbrozek started in as soon as the doorway sealed itself. “Also,” he continued, arms folded, standing between her and the bed, “You will only speak about what we do here with other people who are on our team. Understand?”

Sheila could feel the oath tightening, binding his words to her.

“Sure,” she stepped around him, placing her backpack on the bed.

“No,” he corrected, grabbing her arm. “You will answer yes or no when commanded.  Now, do you understand?”

For a moment she felt the familiar urge to see what happened if she hauled off and hit an oath-holder.  It passed as soon as the oath started to steal her breath.

“Yes, sir.  I understand, sir.  Let me go, sir,” she said, yanking her arm free.  The stress she had relieved in her apartment was already crawling up her spine again.

“Good,” he said, his voice flat. “There’s food in the meeting room, plus we have our first mission.”  He opened the door to the hallway, pausing there to comment, “I think I might be hangry.”

Sheila followed him shortly after, hooves heavy and clodding.  It had been years since her father had used the oath of family constraint against her, but this felt all too familiar.  She’d thought she was free, but she was still under his thumb after all.

When she got there, the room was fuller than she expected. The two Fae she’d met already were there, as well as three new humans.   Settling in with half a burrito, she watched the others quietly until the Lieutenant spoke up.

“All of you know who I am… I’m the one who recruited you,” Zbrozek started, pausing to take a sip of coffee. “Usually I would give you all a ‘settling in’ period to get to know one another, but we have an emergency.” He paused again, sipping once more, “So, I’ll introduce you all.”

He drew their attention to Fei, who once again was sitting on the table, her small frame leaving plenty of room.  

“Fei is our resident hacker…” he started.

“Internet technologist with a specialty in creative problem solving as well as an expert in the art of exploitation,” she interrupted, not looking up from her laptop.

“Right.” The lieutenant rubbed the bridge of his nose. “She’s also an apsara.  Care to explain what that is?” he said, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

“No,” she answered coldly, glaring up at him for only a moment.

“Also known as the bidadari, apsaras are air spirits, a subspecies of nymphs,” one of the humans spoke up, a rather pinched looking man wearing glasses.  To Sheila, he seemed older, but trying to be much younger. The skinny jeans and Vans sneakers gave it away. “Usually of Malayan descent, but found in many Indian areas as well, they were known to dance for the gods’ pleas--”  He stopped talking abruptly. Fei’s glare had finally registered.

“This is Alois Uhl, a specialist in mythology,” the Lieutenant introduced during the awkward pause.  Another interruption brought his fingers up to his nose to rub again.

“I have an M.A./PhD in mythological studies, with an emphasis on depth psychology,” Alois broke in, smiling at everyone.  He was obviously crestfallen when they simply blinked at him in return.  “Um, right… specialist.” Pushing his glasses further up on his nose, he settled back into his chair.

“Moving on,” Zbrozek said, “Whipple is a combat specialist, having worked side by side for many years with BNC’s SWAT teams.”

“I’m a Pisces, love long walks off short piers, and have a bachelors in geekology,” Whip jumped in, whiskers flickering as he wiggled his nose. “Also, I’m a mink, not a weasel, so…” he offered his arm to Fei, “See?  Soft… go on, touch it, you know you want to.”  The look in her eyes said that she did not, in fact, want to touch it.

Nervous laughter swept through the room, and a few smiles lingered afterwards.  

“Okay, then,” said the boss, “This is… shit, we haven’t given you a code name yet.”  He frowned thoughtfully at Sheila. She tried to shrink down in her chair a bit; she knew what was coming.

“I thought we agreed on ‘Rouge?’” Whip’s enthusiasm settled at the satyr’s Look.

“I would have offered the name of a historical satyr,” Alois interjected, “But there are no female satyrs in mythology.” He looked her over with furrowed brow, as if confused by the concept of her existing at all.

“First off, I’m a faun,” she corrected, holding a hand up quickly when it seemed the man was going to correct her. “Second, where the hell do you think baby satyrs come from?” Again, she waved a hand at the doctor of mythology. “Shush.  I know what you think.  Finally, my name is Sheila.  Okay? Can we just go with that?”

“Wait, where does he think baby satyrs come from?” asked Whip, eyes wide, childlike.

“Nymphs,” answered Fei, bitingly, one eye twitching slightly.

“Wait… how would that even…”

“Stop… that’s enough interruption.” Zbrozek abandoned his nose to rubat his eyes with his thumbs, a motion Sheila recognized well. “She’s a trodwalker, and that’s all you need to know.”  The rest of the room ignored the latter statement by staring at her: they wanted to know more.

After taking another long sip of coffee, he continued. “Brice is our network securities man, as well as our acting IT.  Since the Fae here need to be working with me, it’ll be his responsibility to do all the technical work.” The man in question was younger, with dusky skin and a casual look about him.  He wore his clothes well. Sheila felt a momentary urge to see what he smelled like.

“Lemonica is a nurse practitioner who has experience with the Folk,” the Lieutenant continued, smiling at a middle-aged woman. Her skin was brown, her body thick but not overweight, and much like the satyr’s, her hair was pulled back tightly. She offered the group a comfortable smile before he continued.

“Okay, now that introductions are done, we have our first mission.”  He opened a leather satchel, taking out eight folders, then passed them around.  After giving everyone a moment to remove the contents, he continued.

“As you are all aware, human and Fae relations are calm right now.  Tense, but calm.  Other than isolated incidents involving common citizens, there hasn’t been too many… yes, Fei?”

“So, we aren’t getting involved in those ‘isolated incidents?” she asked, looking up from her laptop. The folder remained untouched next to her.

“They are being handled on a local level,” Zbrozek responded, eyebrow quirking.

“So… fuck the commoners, right?” she taunted back, turning her laptop to show a video.  In it, a group of human teenagers could be seen lighting a bent backed man on fire. It was obvious the man was homeless from the state of his clothes, and he twitched like a dying insect as they beat him.  “Like, this, right?  Doesn’t this incident seem a bit… bonkers to you?”  Everyone turned their eyes towards the lieutenant, expectant.  

“Turn that off,” he demanded.  Fei turned it back towards herself, but made no movement to shut the video off. “I know how you’re all feeling, particularly you Fae…”

“Don’t leave me out of that.” Lemonica spoke up for the first time. “There shouldn’t be anyone who doesn’t feel for that poor man, or any of the others suffering.  I might not know what it is like to be Folk like y’all,” she added, looking around at the Fae. “But y’all new to this struggle. I’m here if you need to talk about it.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Brown,” Zbrozek said, offering her a tight smile. “It isn’t the job of the BNC to investigate those incidents. It is our job to make sure the human population, of which I’m part, continues to remain calm.”

“Right, so they can continue executing us without any repercussions.” Fei broke in, her round face clouded with anger.

“Because you are outnumbered ten million to one,” he continued, leaning forward on the table to loom over her laptop. “Because the crusades killed millions of you, and we can’t let that happen again.”  His gaze dropped, brow furrowing deeply, pacing a few steps away. “Look, I know what you all think of the BNC, that we’re some terrible agency put here to oppress you.  What’s really happening is that without us, the larger population of the world would fear you even more.”

Fae and humans both sat quietly, watching him pace. Whatever they thought of that claim, they kept it to themselves.  Sheila took a cleansing breath.

“If that’s really what we’re doing,” she said, sitting straighter at the table, pushing her half-eaten breakfast away. “I, for one, want to know what the mission is.”  There was a bit of communal head bobbing, then the lieutenant started explaining.  Everyone listened, looking at the man, but the satyr found herself staring back at Fei. The look from the apsara was so filled with hate it chilled Sheila to the bone.

 “A… vampire,” Fei echoed, incredulous. Her usual sneer was dampened slightly by bemusement.

“Blah blah blah,” Whip said, pretending to rise out of a coffin, “I am a vampire, come to suck your blood, blah blah blah!”

“I do not say ‘blah blah blah,’” joked Brice, though it appeared only the two of them got the humor in it.

“I would take this quite seriously,” Alois commented, reading through the paperwork in the folder. “There are many myths of sanguinarians amongst the Fae.  I’m sure the… Toothy Day left those details out when sharing your ancestries for obvious reasons. It leaves me to wonder how much of those tales were creatures who needed it for food, and how many were just suffering from Renfield syndrome.”

“I never said it was a vampire,” Zbrozek sighed.

“’The victims were found completely drained of blood,’” Fei read out loud. “Exsanguination appearing to have been achieved by puncturing the jugular veins of the victims.”  She peered at the next sentence, then asked, “Does this next part mean they used a fat straw?”

“Indeed,” Alois advised, “The next means that only a few drops were found on site.”

“Sure sounds like a vampire to me, boss,” Whip said, holding up his index fingers like they were a cross. “Need to stop at Waldemart and pick up some garlic!”

Sheila, closest to Whip, reached out to lower his hands down and shook her head at him. “Careful,” she whispered, glancing at the humans in the room.  They were all busy reading through the papers.  Whip considered his fingers a moment, then oh’d softly. “Right… sorry.”

“All the victims were men,” Lemonica noted aloud.

“Probably incels,” Fei commented. “Says they all lived alone.  That usually means incel.”

“Try not to assume things, or make snap judgements,” Zbrozek instructed.  For a moment, Sheila felt for him. His forehead had wrinkled mightily, and she knew the way he rubbed his brows could only do so much for the pain in his head. But only for a moment.

“It also says they were all on Tinder, as well as other dating sites,” Fei continued. “I’m getting into their accounts now.”

“If they were all men, lonely, and looking for a date,” Alois mused, putting their pictures side by side on the table in front of him, “May I suggest the baobhan sith?”

Whip stood up, eyes wide. “Wait… did you say the sith?”

The human nodded. “The alp feeds on human women, mainly from the nipples.  The lilitu drain babies… the baobhan sith are known to appear to lonely men who wish companionship.  The stories are usually bloodier, but you know how…”

“You said it again,” Whip said, tail whipping back and forth behind him. “Sith… are you sure?”

Alois thought about it, then nodded, “Quite sure.”

“I’ll be right back,” the pooka vanished out the door, his chair clattering to the floor behind him.

“I’m not sure what that was about,” Zbrozek said, gathering up his files. “But we have a good start, thank you doctor.  Fei, work with Brice on getting their social media files, whatever you can find online.  Doctor Uhl, I’ll need any information you have on the baobhan, as well as any other likely candidates you can find.  Sheila, while they are working on that, you and I have a door to paint.”

“Yes, sir,” Sheila grunted, pretending to salute.

As suddenly as he’d left, Whip entered the room at top speed.  He had changed into long brown robes with a hood, from which he withdrew a toy lightsaber. Posing at the head of the table, he gazed into the distance, chin high.

“You may count on me, my friends,” he declared.  Blue light and thrumming started coming from his weapon, “I will protect us from… Darth Bob!”

He held his pose as the rest of the room filled with groans.  He held it still when they all stood up to collect their files, then moved past him one by one.  Brice followed Sheila towards the door but stopped next to Whip.  She turned back in time to see the man lean closer to the pooka.

“Help us, Obi Mink Kenobi… you’re our only hope!”

Whipple’s tail, which had been holding perfectly still in his ‘hero pose,’ suddenly started curling and uncurling. The smile on his face was wide and delighted.  Sheila hid her own as she left the two geeks to their moment.

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power S02E07 - Reunion

Season finale! But, I remember being told Season 2 and 3 are one season split apart so I'm not expecting anything too world shattering.

Last episode ended with the words Serenia, Portal and Mara. Serenia is a mystery (maybe a name?) but it's not the first time portals appear, first in Adora's visions and then with Hordak's research. Are they somehow all related? I still believe Mara had to have a good reason for whatever she did but I'm not sure how it all fits together considering the Horde apparently appeared centuries after Mara did her thing.

I doubt we're going to get answers to all of that since it feels more like material for a real season finale but who knows. There are many possible reunions in any case:

Shadow Weaver meeting Adora

Hordak succeeding with his portal and being able to communicate with someone from The... Big Horde.

Adora finally accepting that her real magical steed is the lizard she cursed with sentience and going looking for him.

Maybe something with Razz? For a weird old lady with prophetic powers, she's been less relevant to the plot than both sides' invisible soldiers, and that's an achievement.

Something to do with the radio communication, maybe they watch a hologram? Or Adora meets her real parents?

It could be anything so let's do this!

He actually got into the habit of recording himself!

I bet it's something completely unrelated to the plot, it wouldn't be so vague otherwise.

Holy shit she sleeps with a dagger under her pillow

which makes a lot of sense for her

Glimmer is like "A knife! Oh right, it's Adora, nevermind"

Maaaybe I was wrong? But I keep thinking that it has to be something silly like Makercon.

Glimmer VA's is already making me regret waiting so long to watch this episode.

I really, really like that quick glance at Adora while she's talking about "Mara" stuff. Touchy topic.

Huh. That's interesting. He is somewhat of an enigma considering he's a main character. Adora had a whole flashback episode and Glimmer has had some stuff revealed through the episodes but barely anything about Bow.

What is he hiding? And why?

I did wonder at the time why he had hearts on the soles of his shoes but I never expected it to be actually relevant to the plot of an episode.

Definitely not Makercon. Is he meeting people from his past that don't know what he does for a living?

Can't believe Bow is a secret princess.

Oh no, Bow is a secret nerd. Wait, he's very open about he being a nerd.

I'd say Glimmer is overreacting but Bow wearing an actual shirt is indeed something to freak out about.

Ooooooooh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2 seconds in and I already love them.

It has to have been a weird year for these kids, huh? Poor Lonnie, cursed to be the only one competent at her job.

Lonnie is so annoyed she's risking losing her mouth.

Good job Shadow Weaver, Catra was just starting to trust again and it all went poof.

I feel like I've seen mustachioed dad before but I'm not sure where. He looks a bit like Sea Hawk I guess?

I'm loling at Adora attending an academy with that name.

I wonder why Bow decided he had to hide he was part of the rebellion, or that he was friends with the Princess of Bright Moon.

Welp, how many episodes before this library gets invaded by Entrapta?

Wait, thirteen!?

I guess the "all historians like us" line solves the mystery of Bow's secret.

Oh god, Bow got the puns from him.

Ooh, this is getting interesting. Considering they have 13 children, maybe they adopt orphans from the war and blame the princesses? I kinda like that, if mostly because it'd provide a contrast to the orphans adopted by the horde.

(Also, I like the idea an AU of Adora being found and adopted by Bow's dads.)

First Ones tattoos?

aaaaaaa I love them

lmao

The one time Glimmer is genre-savvy and she gets it wrong.

Wait, how old was he when he did all of this?

yeah, really

Glimmer. You reaaaaally don't get to be judgy about this.

And I can't wait to see how it all falls apart.

At least he did mention them. I'm very glad he said Adora was an art major because that could have been an even bigger disaster.

I didn't know I wanted burrito catra but here we are.

Scorpia is just too good for this world.

This makes me wonder what makes her fight for the horde, do they (Scorpia and the other cadets) even have a vision to follow? Is it all just because of the princess propaganda? Or because they grew up there?

welp

I had a bit of dejavu here but it's because of another teenager refusing to talk with their parents in another show.

Adora is so proud of her pronunciation.

LIZARD FORESHADOWING

...this has to come up again in the future, right? Who was the princess attached to that rune shard? Why is it defunct? Also, this is getting stolen by either Shadow Weaver or Entrapta.

I'm facepalming here. But I can't blame the parents too much, if Bow has been hiding how he really is, what are they supposed to do?

Oooh, Mara's predecessor?

and you love it

holy shit best joke of the episode

aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

Wait. Is this the superman capsule from the visions? ooo

...nope, not the capsule.

Thank you for that last misplaced word accent, show.

What an amazing way to save animation budget.

I can't believe the reveal of his secret identity is through a dramatic reveal of his abs.

This is where George says "you're indeed not a genius because that's incredibly dumb"?

This is going exactly the way I hoped it'd go and I love it.

They really nailed giving Bow's parents shared similarities with Bow.

oh no my heart, this is too wholesome

Another place from Adora's visions!

These cliffhangers have the subtlety of a truck. At least Catra's had some relation to the episode but Adora's is almost embarrassingly desperate.

Other than the cliffhangers, I loved this episode. Both George and Lance are incredible and really cute together. She-Ra keeps being great at including LGBT representation.

The constant "is this going to be serious business" -> "nope" twist joke was amusing the entire episode. There weren’t as many lore drops as I'd have liked but the reveal of the constellations was enough to tie the season's mystery into the already existing show plot in a neat way.

Even Bow's plot, which was something that I feel like I've seen way too many times didn't feel as tired as I'd expect it would, maybe because everything was handled in the most wholesome way possible.

It definitely didn't feel like a season finale but it did hit everything I'd expect from a mid-season "important" episode, like Shadows of Mystacor was.

The only thing I didn't like were the cliffhangers, especially Adora's, and that's mostly because they felt like a cheap way to give some tension to the "finale"

Oh well, at least I don't have to wait a year to start Season 3. I hope. I think that's all for now, until next time!

[loving-qc]

March 06th, 2018

Sigh

I had such a horrible fucking day.

Firstly, my first class was physics and I completely bombed my test. I felt stupid.

I have to get my grades up a lot in these last couple of weeks of school.

Second, I had psychology; this was me hoping I’d have a great class. I would interact with Q, and he’d ask about my weekend and we’d chat and flirt and shit.

Bullshit.

As soon as I got into class, he was hostile about why we were late. His mood was cranky therefore I wasn’t going to do the things I wanted. I can’t take him when he’s like that, so I didn’t answer him and I was silent.

I got my psych paper and I bombed the fuck out of that as well. I started crying. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t believe that I was getting these grades.

This was my final year and I wanted to go out STRONG.

I fucking cried in class for 7 minutes and I could take it. I asked to step out and I didn’t come back until 20 minutes later.

I really couldn’t take this class anymore. If I could transfer out and take something else at this point in the year.

I would.

Then my feelings, emotions and thoughts were out of place while I was walking around my school.

I was like I fucking done with Q.

I’m not going to flirt with him anymore.

He’s an asshole.

How the hell could I be so stupid with falling in love with this old man?

Why was I in love with him?

Why am I attracted to older men?

Why can’t I just date someone close to my age?

I should date someone close to my age.

I’m going to fucking delete this blog and lose all of these memories.

I don’t care if I lose all my followers and friends I’ve created.

I want to leave tcc and never come back....

My thoughts were racing and I’m glad I didn’t have my phone because this blog would be no more honestly.

I was erratic and everything.

Anyways I went back to class just when he said he was just going to look for me.

And I told him, “well as you can see, you don’t,” and I sat down and put my head in the desk and just listen for the remaining 10 minutes of class.

I got up and handed him my paper and packed up my things. As I was walking out, he looked at me and looked around and asked if I was alright?

I jerked myself away from his touch with disgust emanating from my entire body and I rolled my eyes and left that class.

Now I wanted to go back to him later on, so I could look into his eyes for once, but I told myself, “bitch, you’re getting over this man today, today, today,” and you’re just going to be a student in his class.

No more flirting.

No more special treatment.

No more lunch conversations.

It’s time to be with people your own age and be a young adult and not dawning after this man.

Mind you, it wasn’t his fault. I didn’t stupid mistakes and the grades I got are my fault, it’s just I hate that I think Im going to disappoint him when I don’t want to because I’m trying to be this person who doesn’t care about other people’s feelings about me. But it’s so hard with him.

I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day, but there was a soccer game today and he was going to be there.

He saw me walking with my girls to the car so he knew I was going as well cause one of them asked if he was.

We got to our school field which was like 5 minutes away from our actual school lol.

He’s already there and the other team and our team we’re both warming up.

We got to the bleachers and sat, waiting for the game to start.

J, my prom date, was there and I sat next to him. Next thing I KNOW. Q looked me dead in the eyes and saw J next to me.

Q doesn’t like J, because Q thinks I’m dating him, but I’m not.

I like it like this because:

* it tells Q that I have another man willing to date me if he messes up (I’m not going to date him)

* It makes Q jealous and makes him realize that if he wanted me, he’d better do something about it.

So I looked away and looked at our team. J and I are conversing then we went to the concession stand on the other side of the field. We would have to past Q to get there and he saw us as we walked by.

As we were coming back, Q was looking at the game but he had on shades so I couldn’t see where his eyes were. He was directly turned towards us. We stood up and watched the game with J’s best friend.

At the time, I told J exactly who my man crush was and I motioned to Q and I said, Q dislikes him a bit by the tone of his voice when he takes about J a few times he was mentioned and he dislikes him because I feel like he makes him jealous.

J was surprised that Q was the man and he freaked out. I explained to him all of the occurrences we had and Q was there. And he was freaking out cause he remembered Q being there and it being weird! I was LOLing !

Q kept walking across the fuel past us and everything. I was like why doesn’t he just stay with the older male teachers instead of talking with other students. Mind y’all, J and I were in the mix so maybe.....

Anyways, I don’t know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The game ended, we won!

I went to go get my bags out of my best friend’s car and I was gaging my time of when I was going to get my bag and when I was coming back and when Q was going to leave because his car was in the back of me.

When I was walking back, Q and another teacher was walking towards my way and I pressed my lips together and looked anywhere else discreetly but at him.

He fell behind the teacher, who didn’t say anything to me, with his eyes looking at the grass. As I was walking past, he looked up at me and said, “see you later Candice,” I looked in his eyes but looked away.

I said, “oh um..bye....” and continued on.

I actually am falling out of love with this man. It’s only been a few weeks of me loving him but this was the goal to fall out of it. *sigh* I have him today and tomorrow is our game. I’m still so anxious about him watching me, but I’m trying to forget about him tonight!

[atopearth]

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 4 - Unlimited Blade Works Route (2/2)

Day 11-16 Omggg I love their date! Saber is there as well but I think it’s so adorable how Saber is on Rin’s side most of the time, and it’s so cute how Saber loves to eat different things haha. I think the funniest was when Saber hated losing to them in the batting cage so they had to play a lot of games hahaha. But I guess, through the dialogue, I can kinda understand more of why Shirou was always insistent on Saber not fighting in the Fate route. Saber is actually smaller than Rin and she’s apparently weaker than them physically as well if she’s not using her magic power! She must be pretty small then! And omggg lmaooo when Shirou figured out the mystery of the stolen loaf of bread🤣🤣 Shirou thought Rin took it as a late night snack and ate up the whole loaf when she actually used it to make them lunch hahahaha. Honestly, it was really sweet of Rin to plan such a day so that Shirou could relax and have fun, especially since he’s never really found anything fun for a long time and he doesn’t even think he deserves to have fun at all. Honestly though, I still find Caster’s Noble Phantasm Rule Breaker such a…I don’t know how to say it, I mean, I understand that the Command Spells was magic done by one of the three families and since Caster is like from the time of the Gods or whatever, I guess it’s possible for her to cancel it and stuff, but I feel like when powers like this exist, it kinda makes the rules of the war and everything feel so…cheap? Like, I guess I liked the war because each Servant presents different powerful Noble Phantasms and abilities but they’re all respectively things that pertain to their strengths and utilised within the boundaries of the war, but Caster’s ability just negates a lot of that and makes things feel like such a free for all with no rules and that just feels boring tbh. Otherwise, Saber being able to stop herself from listening to Caster’s orders and attack Shirou for a bit so he can escape was saddening, especially with those tears in her eyes. But yeah, the way everything went was really understandable, Shirou would never give up on Taiga’s life (since Caster took her hostage) even if he has to sacrifice his own, so really, it wasn’t a situation they could really win from at all..sad that their cute date turned into this disaster though.

Rin always tries to sound mean to Shirou, but really all you can hear from her is concern for him all the time. She hates seeing him get hurt and always wants him out of the war because he’s too kind. I can see why Shirou is adamant about going to save Saber since her being controlled is his responsibility, but at the same time, Rin is right, there is nothing he can offer to the battle right now, especially with his injuries. Lmaooo at Tiger Dojo 22 where Caster calls Taiga for advice on how to be a better character, hahahah even she knows she’s plain lmaoo. Honestly though, I love how Shirou is always able to tell that Rin is truly kindhearted and that underneath her role as a magus is a normal girl that’s very sensitive and sweet. I love how he got her to release her emotions and cry after she felt betrayed by Archer (who left her for Caster). I love the CG with them talking to each other back to back! And I love how Shirou is always there for Rin to help her get herself together. He’s right though, Rin is someone who resolutely stands on her own path, even if she regrets something, she will retaliate and destroy it to make her path what it should be to her. She gets sad but she never gives up, and I can see why Shirou would admire her so much tbh. It’s so cute how Shirou so honestly told Rin he likes her a lot, blushing Rin is so adorable!

I feel like Caster’s past is supposed to make me feel “something” for her but honestly, she still feels as bland as she is. Maybe it’s because ever since she was born, she’s been (literally) controlled by others, forced to abandon her country and kill her brother etc, used as a scapegoat to be the epitome of crime and thus viewed as a witch, but everything about that story is kinda just told to you as a reader, so really, it’s hard to feel anything for her. Like, I feel sorry for her that she had to experience all that, and I get how grateful she is towards Kuzuki for saving her when she nearly disappeared (after killing her crappy Master), but as she says, she really has no motivation or goal aside from helping Kuzuki and he himself doesn’t really want anything either, so they’re kinda like a duo that has no real purpose than to exist and fight if confronted and I guess fight to find a place for themselves. 

Tbh, Shirou always admires Rin for being able to go full on ahead without regrets, but I think someone like him who is able to be so decisive on walking on the path he decides and is ready to accept it even if it’s “wrong” is something very admirable as well. I LOLed when Shirou and Rin went to Illya’s castle (to ask to co-operate against Caster) and Illya’s “alarm” magic that alerts her to them entering the forest zapped Rin so badly compared to Shirou, it was hilarious hahahaha. Honestly, seeing Berserker so desperately protect Illya from Gilgamesh and Illya being so scared really shook me. But I think seeing their past was worse, they were both used and controlled by the Einzberns to get the holy grail, and Illya was forced to go out in a freezing forest with just Berserker so that they could train her into controlling him properly. And I guess it was then that they both realised in their hearts that the only ones they could trust in were each other. I always wondered why Illya didn’t seem to do anything aside from rely on Berserker to fight, but after the flashback, it seems that all those Command Spells on her body that were put by the Einzbern family are there to control Berserker and that puts a great toll on her body and probably even shortens her lifespan. It used to practically destroy her and make her scream in pain, but now it’s a bit better, and I guess that’s why Illya just allows Berserker to do everything for her, it’s mainly because it’s cumbersome enough for her to just control him. But yeah, Gilgamesh slashing her eyes and stuff made me feel so uncomfortable and sad. In the end, Illya’s just a kid… But yeah, I totally understand why Shirou couldn’t help but appear to try and help Illya knowing it was futile. But! I still blame him because him revealing himself also endangers Rin and he should have thought more about her. Buuuut, I’ll admit that it wouldn’t be like Shirou if he was able to restrain himself, and I think I would have been disappointed in him haha. He’s lucky Rin was there to help save him tbh, and I guess we should be glad that Shinji is Gilgamesh’s Master lolll, I mean, if it was anyone more useful, they would have been totally screwed~

Hahahaha, it was so cute how Shirou and Rin kept arguing about who should be running away when Lancer appeared. It was hilarious how Lancer waited for them to finish arguing hahaha. HAHAAHA it was such a tense atmosphere when Shirou agreed to co-operate with Lancer, but then when he said under one condition, and whilst everyone was wondering if he wanted to know Lancer’s Master or something, all Shirou wanted was for Lancer to stay away from Rin hahahaha, he’s so cute🤣🤣🤣 I’m amazed that Archer could create a shield (Aias) that blocked Lancer’s Noble Phantasm, it wasn’t easy for him to block it, but nevertheless, he did end up blocking it. I guess that’s the benefit of being able to project weapons or shields etc that are strong against each Servant’s respective Noble Phantasms. Rin is so cool though! She got Caster to let her guard down and then used martial arts to defeat her! Well nearly, because Kuzuki comes to save Caster since he’s stronger than Shirou, I mean, it’s pretty amazing that Shirou could fend him off for so long. Guess they should be glad that Archer wasn’t a traitor and dealt the last hit attempting to kill Kuzuki, but Caster sacrificed herself to protect him. It’s kinda funny though, Caster’s life as Medea was ruined because of a “man” (she was controlled by a God but the God made her love that man so I guess same thing?) and even as a Servant, even though this time was her first time truly falling in love, nevertheless, she still ended up giving her life up for love, and it’s always for a man that will never love her back. It’s nice to see that even though Kuzuki was pretty disinterested in everything, he was ready to fight until the end even after Caster died, tbh although Shirou wanted to stop it and save Kuzuki, I think Kuzuki would have preferred being killed by Archer as an end rather than surviving. Rin really does save Shirou all the time though haha, it was thanks to her smart thinking of taking Saber as her Servant that they could fend off Archer from killing Shirou.

Honestly though, Lancer is such a great guy. He really knows how to appreciate Rin hahaha, I couldn’t believe her “thanks” to him stopped him from wanting to really kill Archer when they had their duel, and even now when she’s kidnapped by Archer (to ensure Shirou will come to save her and thus fight him), he’s so ready to go help them out. I guess Shirou was right to tell Lancer to stay away from Rin hahahaha. Honestly, it’s so heartbreaking to hear Archer talk about how he had to keep killing in order to save many, and that’s why he feels that he must kill Shirou, because if he doesn’t kill him, he’s going to become him, the hero Emiya. I think it’s so heartbreaking to hear that because you can feel how much Archer wants to kill himself, and in order to do that, he must kill Shirou. He thinks that his existence gave happiness to no one and only caused death and destruction since he killed people to save people…and it’s probably disheartening for Saber to hear this too, since she and Shirou are similar. I guess that’s why she wanted to stay here instead of going to save Rin (from Shinji) with Lancer.

Omg, I didn’t realise that Archer was executed because he was accused by the person he saved, even though he was the one who gave his all to stop the conflict, he was accused of starting the conflict and died for that “crime”. I think something that really hit me was when Archer described his role as a Guardian, he calls it being a “cleaner” because “they do not save people. All they do is eliminate harmful people, without distinction of good or evil. They do not save people in despair. Instead, they eliminate people in despair in order to save others who are enjoying life.” It’s so true. It’s something that’s ever present in life, we are always eliminating the people who are unable to live happily, we are always killing them because of the destruction they cause, and it’s understandable, but at the same time, it’s exactly against what Shirou desires. He knows that he can’t save everyone, but he wants to, and at the least, he wouldn’t want to kill others he wants to save in order to save others. I feel like the more Archer killed, the more he felt like he was killing the people he was supposed to save and that really destroyed him. And because he became a Guardian, he didn’t even have the choice to not do these things. The world itself had already decided that these people were harmful to it, so Emiya had to kill them, all the times he was summoned, he had no free will to decide for himself what should be done and what shouldn’t be done to save the world, the world already decided it and willed him to just kill them to “save” the world. The world deemed them irredeemable and unable to be saved, and Emiya had to accept that, but it must have been such torture to have to experience that over and over again. Even if killing Shirou doesn’t cause Archer to disappear, I’m sure the satisfaction of killing the past him that he thinks is silly and caused all this would at least relieve Archer somewhat.

Kotomine definitely let his guard down against Lancer. Although he used his Command Spell to order Lancer to kill himself, he hadn’t even disappeared yet and he already let his guard down! In other news, Shinji is a shit as usual~ and seriously, after seeing Kotomine get stabbed by Lancer, I don’t know why the dumbass Shinji doesn’t think about how Lancer could still be a threat, and what makes him think Gilgamesh will help him with such a lowlife job lol. It was really cool when Lancer used bits of his last strength to protect Rin until the end though, he’s such a hero. I also liked how resolute he was in death and was ready to burn the whole room to ashes to make sure Kotomine wouldn’t survive. I guess Kiritsugu’s last words of relief over Shirou saying he’ll be a superhero in his place was like a curse to Shirou. He said it because he admired Kiritsugu and wanted to be just like him, but he probably didn’t realise how much it really meant to him until he said it, and because of that, Shirou had no choice but to become a protector of justice, he couldn’t disappoint the guy who was so happy to have found him alive in that fire, he couldn’t disregard a dying man’s wish, and really, he just wanted to be just as strong as his father. In this sense though, there’s a similarity between Shirou and Rin. The both of them have been “passed on” an ideal or dream that they must fulfill. For Shirou, he needs to save people as a superhero. For Rin, she needs to win the Holy Grail War as the successor of the Tohsaka family and for her father who died because of it. But really, you wouldn’t say that Rin’s will is hypocrisy, because she has practically made that dream her own, and I think that can be said for Shirou as well. Even if it all started from someone else, it doesn’t mean it’s a “borrowed” ideal, because it had already transformed into their own ideal with the strength of their convictions and beliefs. And honestly, even if it is a borrowed ideal, it’s fine, because that is the path they chose, whether it was for someone else or not, this is what they chose and what they will commit to do. In that sense, who can really judge them? I honestly felt really touched when Shirou relentlessly attacked saying his dream is not a mistake, because he believes in it and will continue to believe in it no matter what. Really, I can’t help but feel so affected by Shirou’s will and determination all the time, he’s so mentally strong, it’s crazy. It was kinda relieving but at the same time hurtful when Archer admitted his lost and was stabbed by Shirou. In the end, this was never really a physical fight, because Archer could have killed him if he really wanted to imo, in the end, it felt like everything was set up by Archer to see the strength of his ideals again within Shirou. Archer had experienced tragedy after tragedy that deteriorated his heart for too long, so I feel like in a sense even though he hated his younger self, he also wanted to rekindle and remember the emotions he once had towards his ideal of becoming a superhero. I feel like he wanted to see whether he would be able kill himself first or remember why he was so adamant on being a superhero and how strong his mental fortitude towards it was first, so it was great that young him aka Shirou succeeded in showing him once again why his choice wasn’t wrong and wasn’t a mistake.

Anyway, Gilgamesh always ruins the mood, doesn’t he?! So the reason why Servants have to fight until the last one is because their heroic spirit souls are used as pure magical energy afterwards to kinda “create” the holy grail contents and give the remaining magus/Master power to use it for what they want? Lmao at Gilgamesh leaving the castle and wanting to change locations because the castle was burning down and he didn’t want ashes to go on him. You know, now that I think about it, if all the people Archer witnessed destroying the world was like Shinji, yeah I think I would feel the same hatred towards humanity and their ridiculous conflicts too. Ooh I guess although I’ve seen it, it never really clicked to me that Gilgamesh stopped Illya from becoming the holy grail by taking out her heart and putting it inside Shinji so he would become it? HAHAHA omg, Rin and Shirou need to have sex so he can share her magical circuits and use her magical power to create the Reality Marble (where Archer can project and use all those swords etc) and fight against Gilgamesh?! No wonder why Rin became so shy mid way through the strategy meeting hahahaha. Well, that was a pretty long and detailed H-scene! Rin looked really cute though loll. 

Hmmm how interesting, so Servants who are magi can summon other Servants, but they must have a host to keep the Servant in this world, and for Assassin, that is the mountain, therefore, even though Caster is dead, as long as the mountain exists, Assassin will be there to protect it. However, he still needs magical energy, and so even though he’s still “alive”, he will disappear soon, since Caster only gave him a limited amount of magical energy. Although I guess the main reason he still stands is because he really wanted his life to end in battle with Saber. Assassin’s true identity is rather saddening. He’s just a no name guy that was most fit to be seen as the guy “Sasaki Kojirou” because he can perform techniques Kojirou could, and so he is assumed to be him according to what this Kojirou character should be. In the end, he’s “nothing”, and I guess such an existence, being able to fight with Saber before he disappears would be a nice thing to do instead of meaninglessly disappearing. I mean, it’s understandable that Saber is in a rush to distract Gilgamesh so that Rin and Shirou can destroy the grail, and then they can all destroy Gilgamesh together, but honestly, that’s not Assassin’s problem and he has no reason to stand aside when Saber did once promise him that she’ll fight him properly again. I guess that means it’s time for Shirou to shine haha. I think Shirou’s “impossible” dream really reminds of Kaoru’s dream in Rurouni Kenshin. Honestly, their dreams are probably naive, probably impossible and probably ridiculous to others, but just like Kenshin, I think you can’t help but want to believe in it hoping that it can be possible, and continuing to fight to make it possible. And I really feel Shirou’s resolve in that. It took a while but I’m glad he finally realised that what he could do wasn’t infinitely create swords to fight against Gilgamesh, but instead create the Reality Marble that contains an infinite amount of swords aka unlimited blade works. But really, I’m happy that regardless whether it be the Fate route or this one, Shirou is the one who helps Saber realise that she needs to move forward, well, Archer and his burdens is the one who made her realise it in this route, but they’re both Shirou after all! I’m just glad that she’s not living in regret anymore and can go back peacefully after destroying the Holy Grail.

Although I’ve been rather sceptical with how a lot of fights went in this route, I think Gilgamesh against Shirou is probably the most satisfying and understandable to me (alongside Shirou against Archer), mainly because it’s true that Gilgamesh had always won his battles through the amount of Noble Phantasms in his treasury and how relentlessly he uses them as “arrows” rather than as swords. He lacks the skills and techniques to use them because he is merely an arrogant owner of them. And that’s why I think it’s understandable how Shirou can face off against him. Not only is Shirou physically capable, his Reality Marble gives him swords right by him, he can pick them up much easier than when he had to project them over and over, so in the end, it becomes more of a battle mounting on their determination and strength, which Gilgamesh lacks because he lives thinking that he doesn’t need to work hard for anything since everything is already his. And seeing him lose because of that is much more satisfying than in the Fate route because what Gilgamesh really lost against here isn’t something like Saber’s OP armour, he lost against his own lack of skill and what he prides himself in, his own arrogance. He let his guard down against a “faker” that can only do imitations of his swords, and was unable to recover his composure facing off against someone much “lower” than him being able to overpower him, even if it’s only for a bit of time. Not sure how I feel about the black void from the destruction of the Holy Grail coming to consume Gilgamesh though… Lmao at Tiger Dojo 24, the hanging mini Shirou getting smacked by Taiga and being blown away like a star was so funny hahahaha. 

I find it quite a miracle that Archer was able to survive this long into the end game and was able to watch over their battles and save both Rin and Shirou in the last minute! Like, he was already weak at the castle, fought with Shirou, took the hit from multiple Noble Phantasms by Gilgamesh and he was still able to project so many weapons to get Rin away from the Holy Grail monster and then project another one to prevent Gilgamesh from dragging Shirou into the void?? I guess I should be impressed rather than in disbelief haha. Honestly though, I do believe that Rin is Shirou’s “true love” because you can really see how much Archer still loves and cherishes her after all that he experienced. His silly banter with her was so similar to how she and Shirou interacted, and I think the fact that he still held on to her jewel (that ended up allowing her to summon him) is enough reason to really see how much he thought about her and how much he wanted to be with her. But at the same time he couldn’t be with her because it was his love and admiration for her that probably allowed him to move forward and follow his dream/ideal and end up becoming Emiya the heroic spirit. I honestly wanted to cry when he asked Rin to support himself and take care of himself aka Shirou. And I honestly believe in Archer’s belief that if Rin is beside Shirou, he won’t become the regretful hero Emiya. It’s saddening that even if Shirou leads a different life, Archer will probably always still be a heroic spirit doing what he had to do before. The only relief to be had is that after encountering Rin and Shirou here, he’s kinda rejuvenated himself by being reminded of past him’s beliefs, wishes and his resolve for becoming who he has become today. So, he’ll be fine, even if it’s painful. Archer’s last smile looked so much like Shirou. And omggg, something I never realised! In the beginning, Archer chose to call her Rin and continued calling her that because calling her Tohsaka is something Shirou does! By coming to terms with his own self as Shirou, he can finally feel like he can call her Tohsaka like he used to… It’s so cute and bittersweet😭😭

I loved how adorable Shirou and Rin were (in the true ending) when she kept asking if he would come with her to London as her apprentice at the Magic Association training academy or whatever and Shirou was too shy to openly say yes when it was obvious what his answer would be haha. The good ending was something I would have also liked to see in the Fate route but I guess seeing it here is nice too! It’s a bit like a harem end lmao, but I think Saber deciding to stay in this world to see if she can find her own answer by watching over Shirou (since Archer said she is wrong but she doesn’t really understand in this ending), so now Shirou, Rin and Saber can always hang together! It’s so cute honestly~ It’s kinda like how everything was in the beginning of this route, so playful, fun and happy with three of them haha.

Overall, I really liked UBW. Imo, I still think that the fights with Caster etc were the weak parts of this route and it can kinda detract your attention because I didn’t think it was really interesting lol. But everything is worth it when it comes to Shirou’s fight with Archer and then Gilgamesh. It really felt like everything that was built up since the beginning was made worth it. It was nice to see how much Archer and Shirou were natural enemies against each other without Shirou even realising who he was, yet they both couldn’t help but be influenced by the other. I thought Archer’s story really made UBW such a highlight emotionally. His story was well developed and nicely explored against Shirou’s ideals and you could really see how much they couldn’t help but clash. I honestly really loved how no matter what Archer did that seemed contradictory to what “Shirou” would do, in the end, he was Shirou through and through with how soft of a guy he really was. I really loved the concept of Shirou being the one to make possible future him/Archer realise why his original ideals were so important to him and why despite everything, he really doesn’t regret how everything came to be anymore. I really think that it was such an important growth to both Archer and Shirou and I loved it. It allowed them both to further their resolves and be proud of the path they’re walking on. Another great thing about this route was Rin, she’s such a great heroine that totally matches well with Shirou because not only does she drive him to become a stronger person like her, Shirou also makes her want to improve and be as driven as him even when things don’t go her way. I just think that not only do they work to bring their best out of each other as people, they’re also very capable in being silly with the other. They’re just as cute as they are strong and I love their relationship. As for the other Servants, I think only Lancer and Assassin really hit me emotionally. Lancer being such a ladies man and fighting for his own beliefs is something I always enjoy seeing, and Assassin finding meaning by being able to fight with other true swordsmen was something I couldn’t help but feel happy for. It really felt like a 8.5-9/10 route!👌

And nowww, on to the last route! Since the last Heaven’s Feel movie isn’t out yet, I don’t really know what happens at the end of it, so I guess aside from the Fate route, this will be the other route I don’t have much idea about what will happen and that kinda makes me excited haha!

[atopearth]

Princess Closet Part 4 - Kai Ayasaki Route

I’m not the biggest fan of Kai’s look but I can see why so many girls adore him considering how kind he is and how much he loves his work. Makeup is usually considered superficial and used for others to compliment yourself but really, makeup can also boost your own self confidence and morale, as well as help you understand your skin and facial structure better. I think so many people see makeup as a mask that they disregard the positive effects that makeup can do for people as well. For me, it really helps when I can cover my red patches of eczema with makeup, it may not be the best for the eczema but it’s really difficult to walk around publicly or in a proper setting with red splotches on my face, needless to say. So when the heroine saw Kai doing makeup for the elderly that are ill in the hospital, I found that it must be really fun to have Kai do their makeup and show them that makeup isn’t limited to age or anything, it’s all about how you feel with it and whether you want to wear it.

Surfing is definitely a surprising hobby of him to have considering how gentle and delicate he seems haha! Kai’s thoughts of quitting modelling because he wanted to change other people rather than seeing himself change sounds like a very noble but also possibly possessing a slightly fearful attitude in his ways. His persistence with the shortboard instead of a longboard for surfing like everyone else as well as his old car might not just be because he particularly likes these things but because he fears change. Wow, a guy that will clean your sandy feet and teach you paddle boarding, dangg he so patient and nice lolll.

Whaaat, she’s banned from dating if it’s Kai when in Reo and Shuu’s routes, they did so many more date-like things! So unfairrr! I like how Kai still just does whatever he wants by asking her to eat and volunteer with him and saying that co-workers and friends do this too! Which is true hahahaha. Honestly, I think I wouldn’t mind sharing a room with another guy but checking out an outdoor hot spring with just our towels is a different story lolol, I don’t even wanna do that with a girl unless we’re super close! I’m glad he clarified that he wouldn’t do s such a thing with other girls even if it’s in swimsuits lol, meaning she’s a special friend but their careers would be in dire straits if they were to date openly. But our heroine seems dense hahaha. I guess your can’t blame her since Kai does seem like a guy who doesn’t care about boundaries and stuff. But sharing the same bed?! Even if they’re not doing anything, that’s lewd hahaha! Especially since it was by choice! They each have their own beds lol!

The heroine hasn’t met any hateful models in the other two routes so it’s kinda scary to have to see that here, I mean jealousy is such a frightening emotion that could lead to many terrible things after all… And I’m literally crying for the heroine because that type of mistake is something I’d totally do (and probably have done) so it really resonates with me how painful it is when you inconvenience others because of yourself and get scolded for it. They’re right for scolding you but the self-blame and the responsibility you feel makes you just want to cry and whenever I cry, I can’t stop haha. So I think it was really sweet when Kai took care of her and then kissed her.. but this unclear relationship kills me too loll. 

Omg, have to admit, my heart was racing when he started helping her take off her kimono, gahhh! Considering how confused the heroine was, I’m happy he was clear with her that he does consider her special but the situation with her as a new model and everything and not being allowed to date is what’s stopping him and he clarifies that. It kinda cut when Kai said they could just return to normal co workers if the heroine wants. It’s like whaaat, after all the kisses and everything! You can’t just go back! The owner of the restaurant is right, he is a bit cold. Despite his coldness though, when she called him for no reason and he came to pick her up, I feel like I could understand why I like Kai and don’t like him at the same time, he understands a girl’s heart pretty well, enough that he’ll know her feelings but she’ll always have to be second guessing his but I guess in that sense, you can see that he is mature and logical, but that might not be the best when the heroine is emotionally attached from the way he makes moves on her and yet tries to keep their relationship formally as friends. In a way, you want to be frustrated at the heroine for not understanding that work with Princess Closet is sensitive and a priority right now and so any scandals with her especially with Kai since he’s so popular in the industry would be a disaster but you can’t help but understand her and be frustrated with Kai that he keeps making moves on her but keeps her at a distance at his own leisure and pace.

Although Reo is pushy and does things however he wants, he’s right! The heroine shouldn’t put down herself and say she’s not good enough for Kai! As Reo said, she’s the princess he chose, there’s no one better than her! She needs to have more confidence in herself that even if Kai were to not be with her (obviously he will), it’s not because of her inadequacy! I loved it when Reo shouted at Kai, he’s such a good guy 👌 sometimes I really do hate Kai though, just because he’s always so smiley so it makes you feel like an idiot for being mad at him and stuff! Like, I know he’s probably not as calm as he looks but the fact that he looks like it makes you mad because it’s affecting the heroine badly! I can see why Reo would want to go after her if he’s actually liked her but backed off because of Kai. But whoa, he’s so pushy! LOL. That’s a big no no, Reo. This ain’t your route, sorry.

But it’s kinda funny though. In Shuu’s route, everyone was telling the heroine to not give up on him whereas in this route, Sumire, Shuu and Reo tell the heroine that she should probably just give up on Kai lol. Completely different attitude and treatment 😂 it’s also funny that everyone knew Kai was into her but took a blind eye to it to not complicate things but because Reo is a straightforward guy, he reacted and that made Kai have to drop his cool and calm guy act of protecting her career. It’s cliche but it was nice to see Kai be so worked up over the heroine. It made me happy for her. But omg, I LOLed when Kai was telling Shuu that they’re dating and Shuu was mad saying that he thought Kai wasn’t like Reo and was an adult 😂😂 it’s true that Reo does too many things on impulse and very wilfully as well 😂 but it was just so funny hahahaha.

Omg, he took her to a planetarium!! Well, it’s attached with work but omg!! That is my dream date lolol! I don’t know why but I’m super fascinated with planetariums and ferris wheels so whenever these are mentioned, they’re just so romantic to me. I’m more inclined towards planetariums though, just the whole idea of looking at the night sky and space makes me happy and warm. I mean looking at stars always makes me feel nice and calm. That’s what I loved to do when I walked home in Auburn lol. But yeah honestly, just sitting down and looking at the night sky is enough for me haha. I agree with Kai though in realising how just a bit of makeup can actually change your mood so much. I used to think of it as a fickle and superficial thing but when you make yourself pretty and look nice, you feel more confident and happy too. I like that.

I think it must have felt extremely confronting when the model that had her career ruined because of a scandal came to the studio screaming that the heroine stole her work. That would be pretty scary. Especially since the heroine could likely be the next one considering the fact that Shuu has lots of enemies and Kai’s dad is a politician so their lives and actions would be closely observed and scrutinised. Breaking up is definitely for the best especially since the heroine really enjoys her modelling work and is getting paranoid about being seen in public with Kai but the way he said it to her was just too cruel. What if it affects her work so much that she can’t model properly anymore? That’s just too cruel, Kai. I know he feels like he needs to be harsh like that for her to get out and save her career and I’m sure it’s hurting him a lot to be saying stuff like that to her but I think like Shuu said, this is her decision to make on whether she is willing to take the risks with this relationship or not. He can suggest things and what causes of action they can take for this relationship but one sidedly deciding things like that is really mean. But I guess he does understand the industry better and he does understand how important of a time this is for her, him and Princess Closet as a brand and he also knows how she thinks and so this would have been the only way for them to let go of each other.

The guys are really understanding and kind though, very considerate of the heroine’s feelings and even said she can cry her heart out to them when she started getting teary. I guess it’s true that her aversion to being seen with Kai in public must have hurt him even though he was prepared, I guess the heroine is like a little lamb and he didn’t want her to be burdened by these things. I feel like Kai’s route is probably the most sensual and flirty hahaha. But you know, although it may seem like the heroine is kinda childish and unprofessional in this route especially when she ruined her makeup by crying when Kai’s assistant was talking about him, I think that’s what Kai needs to wake himself up from his persistence of keeping a calm and professional exterior. The heroine’s quite an emotional person and she really shows it because she’s honest and easy to read and I guess that’s exactly what Kai’s weakness kinda is hahaha. If she was a more professional person that could hide her emotions better, he probably would have been able to restrain himself better, maybe! Which kinda makes it sad for people who are not as expressive like me… But I do agree with the heroine that their breakup was necessary and Kai made the right decision because it was true that she wasn’t ready to take on the consequences properly as she is now knowing how important Kai is whilst still possessing the resolve to rebuild her career if it were to fall because of a scandal. In the past, she wouldn’t have had that strength, but during the time they separated, they continued their respective work and she built a more capable reputation and work ethic as well as the confidence to stand on her own two feet. I’d say she’s still reliant but she’s definitely better than before and most importantly, she’s more sure of her feelings for him because of the separation and so she understands what she regards as most important and indispensable. It’s her attitude that changed I guess and that’s what the separation brought about, in which if it didn’t happen, their relationship might have become very strained. It’s kinda cute that he can act a bit more childish around her, that’s really sweet.

Yaaa know, I would totally buy the Princess Closet cosmetics lmao, I can imagine how cute the crown packaging is and I agree that the lip product seems really good and interesting and the perfume too omg~ packaging is super important and perfume has great flexibility in being a bottle so I would be so tempted~~ and with Kai’s expertise and hard work, the products themselves are definitely worth trying! I also find it cute to see Shuu with Sumire bonding together and Reo going to the cosmetics launch with his dad, I mean you don’t really see them much with their family in their respective routes so it’s nice that you get to see a little snippet of their bonds, so cute too hahaha. I feel sorry for Shuu, Kai and Reo are both so reckless at the end of their routes lolol. As expected, the perfume bottle is really so cute!!! I think proposing with the original Princess Closet scent was perfect since he made that scent to remember her and to show his love for her so there’s really no better representation of his love for her than the original that was made.