#glumlife

[riadark]

Fifty Shades Of Melancholy

On a day like today where the weather is gloomy and looming over my mood, it is good to know that I can eat some of my homemade cauliflower and local farmer pasture raised eggs quiche, go to my gym and get my sweat on, drink some green matcha tea while producing another segment for my show and sit in a warm home waiting for my kids to come back in order to snap out of it. Many are not so lucky, and this sadness lords over them. 

Can you imagine being unable to shake it off? To live your day to day with this sinking depression? I can now. It is painful. I didn’t used to understand that. Even as a clinician, intellectually I knew about the chemical imbalance, but I still was all about-- work out, take a walk, practice meditation and gratitude, volunteer, rescue an animal, plant a garden, eat the right foods, watch some stand up comedy, have sex, yada yada. And I do all that, and even I get days where it is tough not to think in a negative fashion.

So what changed in my thinking about depression? Yet another person has taken their own life. And I don’t want to be a part of anyone feeling as if there is something wrong with them. Instead, I want to be a pillar of support. Part of that mission is the work that I do now, but I will be louder, stronger, and more vigilant with my care. 

Apology Day Twenty- I am sorry Ria that you lost so many and that you felt helpless to do anything about it. Not going to let that happen again.